only thing i know for certain is that if "breaking bad" took place during modern times, jesse would've used his cash to buy a drone and there would've been a sick ass sequence filmed from drone perspective and one episode cold open would've been all scary and sinister and it would end with an ominous shot of the drone laying all crushed and fucked up on the floor to imply harm done to jesse. and it would be really sad
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The main critique I've seen leveraged at Saltburn is that is falls short of its message of "eat the rich". But like...I never saw it as as that. Saltburn (to me) is steeped in a specifically English class context of nobility. There is this gap that cannot be bridged. Oliver throughout the movie has this deep frustration that he does not permanently belong in the sphere of Saltburn. Multiple people specifically goad him with this fact. Oliver is privileged by most people's standards, but it isn't enough. It's not eat the rich as they're all terrible its eat the rich as consuming them, absorbing them, licking the plate clean. The film came across as less a class critique and a hornier knives out but rather a psychological horror story about desire and not being able to have what you want the most. Oliver will never belong truly at Saltburn. Oliver despite worming his way into the family never has physical intimacy with Felix. It's not skewering the rich, it's commenting on the deep desire to inhabit their skin.
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I NEED A YEAR TO PROCESS EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THAT CIRCLE. A FULL YEAR.
RIZ JUST SAW FIG GETTING HURT AND LEAPED INTO ACTION TO SAVE HER,
ADAINE FELT A POWERFUL THING HAPPENING AND COUNTERSPELLED A GOD FOR FIG,
FABIAN JUST SAW THE MOONLIGHT DOING THINGS TO HIS FRIENDS AND CAST SMOKE,
GORGUG JUMPED IN WITH RIZ AND FIG AND CAST WARDING BOND,
KRISTEN JUMPED IN TOO AND THE MOMENT THEY NEEDED IT THE MOST, SHE USED HER STRENGTH TO HOLD ON AND KEEP HER FRIENDS FROM GETTING HURT.
IT'S ABOUT. THE LOVE. NONE OF THEM KNEW WHAT WAS THE RIGHT OR WRONG THING TO DO, THEY JUST ACTED. THEY JUST. ACTED. TO SAVE EACH OTHER AND FOLLOW EACH OTHER AND IM SDKLGHWUIOEGHSKDJGHSDG!!!!
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LOVE!!!!!!!
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thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
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Demon Twin AU
Tim Drake comes across a LOA manuscript detailing the sacrifice of a Demon Heir that’s dated around the time Damian is born and brings it to the cave. There’s no other mention of what went down, but it looks like Damian was a twin and the twin was thrown into the Lazaras Pits- Tim kind of forgets about it but shows it to Damian cause he figures that the guy deserves to know, and leaves it out for Bruce to see (basically the same thing as telling him). It doesn’t really change much but there is an obscured name in the corner so they can presume that the kid’s name would have been something starting with D A N.
Well here’s the thing: Names carry power. Damian reaches out to John Constantine to ensure that the child is actually dead, because presumably John can do that. John wants to give the kid some closure, so he does what is supposed to be a super chill seance to an infant. He pricks Robin’s finger, chants a little and the air... turns violent.
Uh oh. Dan appears, unshackled from his prison in the Infinite Realms now that John has called upon them by someone with Familial blood. He cackles madly about the fact that it’ll be a good time to bring about the apocalypse again, promising to spare the bird for now, since he would have to get answers later.
The alarms are blaring, the whole JL is hands on deck to try and stop Dan as he attacks across the globe. They’re saving as many civilian lives as possible but its getting very HAIRY in less than 2 hrs. Robin is out in the chaos, trying to track him down with John and Zatanna trying to recapture him and banish him back to the realms.
Phantom touches down just as the three of them reach Dan- Danny has some choice words for his older alternate timeline self, including “This is why you have no friends.” and “Seriously, you didn’t even stop to say hi to my timeline’s Jazz this time.” and “Soup time for 1,000 years and then we can talk remediation.”
After a short but brutal fight, Danny floats over to Damian, John and Z. After making sure they’re all right he’s like “Maybe you can never do that again? Also tell me how and why you did that so I can banish that spell?” And Damian explains that it was meant to ensure that the infant twin he never knew had passed peacefully and clearly that was not the case. Danny blinks a few times, uh, a twin?
Damian goes through the shit, John explains that it was a familial summoning meant to be an advanced seance (hence the lack of safe guards to keep the entity in) and Z confirms that there was nothing special to it beyond that.
Danny then explains, that uh, “I guess my parents weren’t kidding when they told me I was adopted. Hi? I’m your brother. Uh, I go by Danny though. Dan was me in a different timeline and he’s normally under super strict lockdown.”
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