#but then i have to like actively stop myself from doing it

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

So I’m a minor (16 to be specific) and I frequently watch and read stuff with explicit sexual or 18+ content in it. I live in an extremely conservative Christian household and things like explicit fanfic are pretty much the only option I have for learning about sex that isn’t abstinence only. I do feel bad about it, especially when I see adults online say stuff like “oh i watched lots of inappropriate things as a teen that i really shouldn’t have” and it makes me feel like I’m ruining myself in a way that I won’t realize until I’m an adult? Right now I don’t see what the big deal is but i get the feeling that when i’m 24 or something I’ll wake up one day and be ashamed of this for some reason i’m not mature enough to know yet. Should I just stop and wait until I’m 18 to continue or what?

hi anon,

okay. I'm gonna hit you with something:

turning 18 does not actually change the way you feel about porn or sex or anything. the difference between being seventeen and 364 days and being 18 is nonexistent. there's not a magical switch that changes you as a person; that comes from lived experience. if you're 18 and your experience is still that porn and smut and what have you i something that you should feel bad about, it's still going to feel that way and a birthday won't change that.

look, the whole notion of "I saw [x] that I shouldn't have when I was young" is like. okay. so you saw something that was a little mature for you that you didn't quite get? awesome. did you die? no. most people's hangups about sexuality don't come from seeing a rogue titty when they were a teenager, they come from the culture that person was raised in that made seeing a rogue titty feel like something to be ashamed of instead of a completely natural part of life.

story time! when I teach my 4th-6th grade OWL classes (Our Whole Lives, great human development program) I always start by holding a meeting with the kids' parents. I've been doing this for seven years, and every time without fail some of the parents will recall seeing porn for the first time as a kid. these guys were kids when printed porn magazines were still a thing, so they were discovering them in all kinds of places - the bedrooms of their parents or their friends' parents, at bus stops, in the woods, once even stowed in some farm equipment. and they remember it feeling illicit and exciting, sure, and possibly making them confused or even horny for the first time in their young lives, but like... that's it. none of these people are irreparably damaged by seeing porn. in fact, they've grown up to be the kind of people who go out of their way to make sure their young kids are enrolled in a queer-friendly, body-positive, diversity-embracing sex ed class to counter stereotypes and misinformation they might receive elsewhere.

looking at things that arouse you is morally neutral. it can be a great way to help you learn about what turns you on, and even if it's not the best source of factual, realistic depictions of sex, it can still help you discover things - hell, I only figured out what the clitoris was by reading Young Justice fanfic (shout out Snaibsel).

you can't ruin yourself, at any age, with the media you like to consume. what makes you uncomfortable and anxious is the attitude you've been taught to have about that media, which is something that has to be actively unlearned, because it's certainly not going to just disappear on its own when you become a legal adult.

tl;dr obviously no one is making you watch porn and you shouldn't if it makes you uncomfortable, but if you drop it right now and come back when you're 18 don't expect to feel any different if you haven't done any more unpacking re: the conservative Christianity of it all.

[dronebiscuitbat]

I think college is genuinely a scam. Full stop.

I have learned absolutely nothing, I graduate in a month, and every life skill I've ever learned has been stuff I've experienced outside of the classroom. I had to teach myself how to write, how to draw, how to set up my home, how to be a good partner, how to take care of a sick pet. And none of that will ever be taught to you in a classroom.

Most of my knowledge has come from job experience, or pulling up a YouTube video and sitting down and learning stuff myself, any lecture I've ever attended is immediately forgotten because I'd have three more that day.

I'm sure it's way more useful for stuff like engineering and science, but if your going for art and writing, I would recommend starting a portfolio and teaching yourself, because college will only bring you more creatively similar to everyone else, instead of allowing you to express your own style, and more importantly find that style.

I have struggled all four years I've attended college, I went in to improve my art and my writing and both actively got worse, because I no longer had time to write, and any pointers I got on my art was either straight criticism (with no actual pointers) or just "keep practicing!"

Bitch! I need actual direction! How do I blend colors? How do I shade? How to I stop my line work from being wobbly? Show me!

Agh sorry, I don't normally rant on this blog, but holy god I am immensely frustrated on how far behind I am on what I want to do now.

[mazzystar24]

I just saw a TikTok of someone defending Tmmy and asking people to “explain the hate” and basically claimed that people only hate him because of the “bystander effect” and “just because he didn’t say anything when Gerrard was being racist and misogynistic he’s as bad as Gerrard??” It just goes to show we’re watching different shows because bystander where?? Tmmy actively made racist and misogynistic jokes himself, he was NOT just a bystander. Did we all forget the “hey you forget to tip the delivery guy?” Or “New York Bitchiness is a compliment?” Like if you want to believe he’s redeemed okay but don’t downplay what he did. I had to hold myself back from commenting because I knew if I did I’d just get hate (I’m still tempted haha)

Tehe the way I anticipated this in DAY ONE like this was I’m pretty sure before 7x04 even aired and the rumour of him being an LI for buck was going around and people automatically pretended hes this saint after the cruise rescue and I made this wholeass post:

Also omg babe same like the urge to fight when I see bad takes abt the hen or chimney begins eps as far as tommy is concerned is unreal but I just block then rant to you guys🤩

Also you’ve invoked another of my saved drafts to be posted cos I have one abt seeing bad takes on Tommys role in the racism

Also can we stop for a hot minute and talk again abt how bullshit the sexuality excuse is in this case

Like it’s bullshit either way to be a bigot to someone as self preservation against bigotry but like-

Tommy is a white and he has that innate social capital in that setting and Gerrard didn’t know Tommy is gay

Chimney is an Asian man who has no way to conceal that and he personally experienced Gerard’s racism and was just about escaping that and still he wasn’t a dick to hen

Meanwhile tommy was a dick to chimney and to hen and it gets excused as him being gay and adapting to the setting for self preservation

See? It’s such bullshit

And now we will have Gerrard in the 118 again and cos they are all actually not assholes we know that unless they pull the most ooc shit to ever ooc that none of them will start doing that self preservation bullshit

[bbyplutosblog]

┏━━━━━━━━━━━━━┓

ᴄᴀᴛᴄʜ - ²² (ᴀʀᴍᴀɴᴅᴏ ᴀʀᴇᴛᴀꜱ x ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ)

“𝙸𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚌𝚑 𝚊 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚘𝚍𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚟𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚊 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚘𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚘𝚏 a 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚘𝚙𝚊𝚝𝚑.”

┗━━━━━━━━━━━━━┛

WARNINGS: Death, murder, violence, trauma, sociological behavior, sexual situations.

CHAPTER THREE: “TELL ME, TELL ME.”

Chapter II

Michael Eugene Lowrey. Detective. Partner. Trusted confidant. Lowrey was Solana’s mentor once she became a member of Miami’s Tactical Narcotics Team, briefing her on the intricacies of the drug game and its dedicated players. He was the one who taught her how to locate an organization's weak spot and the assorted ways to assert control once found.

Thus, as Mike marched around the living room in his contemporary home, mouthing off to himself, she tried to locate a weak spot in this situation. Mike cuffed his hands above his head in frustration and stopped pacing to face her. Her suitcases lie next to her, the brimmed trucker hat disguising her appearance once more.

“Okay. Whew, okay, alright. You know, I’ve tried to give myself a few minutes to grasp all of this shit you just threw on me but, uh, I can't do it. I mean, it's been what a year or two since I’ve seen you, maybe three, and you’ve come out of hiding to tell me that you were involved with a drug lord—one that we were actively trying to take down as a unit, so I don't know why the fuck Cap sent you out there Kamikaze style—fell in love, got pregnant by him, got scared and ran off, found another man to fall in love with, and it ended in you being the only survivor of a mass murder orchestrated by the same motherfucker that got you pregnant in the first place, and you want me to find my fugitive son, who has supposed close ties to this man, to help you carry out your revenge. Is that what you're telling me?”

Solana sighed, rising from the couch. “Yes, it is. I know I should've told you and Marcus the reason why I went off the grid. I, especially, should've opened my mouth to Howard about my actions before he died. I know these things and I regret them everyday, but you, of all people, shouldn't be turning your nose up at me for flipping the same coin that you did!" Mike's eyeballs nearly bulged out of their sockets. "I've done my research on your son, and he wasn't exactly a product of fidelity and rainbows.” She barreled a fist into his flexed chest, over and over, before his hands kept hers bound to his chest, reeling her in. She stumbled. 

“I’m not turning my nose up at you, alright?” He released her. “I know I’m not perfect, and I made some pretty fucked-up decisions in my past, but I never abandoned my partner because of it. Ever. You were like family to me, and now you're telling me you could've died. An innocent baby died in all of this bullshit. You would've been fucking dead, and I wouldn't have known. No one would've known. We loved you so much, ‘Lana. Still do. It broke Cap’s heart when you went missing. He never stopped searching for you.”

Solana evaded Mike’s teary stare, beelining to the living room's window. In her years of working alongside Lowrey, she never saw him so emotive. She was attuned to the hard body, hollow side of him.

"I know that, too. I called him once I arrived in Louisiana, and as soon as I heard his voice, I got spooked and hung up. I was so ashamed of what I'd done. I felt like I had failed him. I did fail him, and it was better for everyone to think I went out doing something that I loved than to be outed as a liability. If it wasn't for me answering my mother's phone call that day, I wouldn't have known he was gone. That horrifies me, Mike."

Mike stood behind her, his hand loafing on her collarbone. He veered towards the shell of her ear. "There ain't nothing to be ashamed of. You're human; shit happens. Listen," he clasped her collarbone and spun her to face him, "we can still fix this. I can bring you in; explain everything to Rita--." 

"Rita?" Off this question, Mike went silent. His mind impulsively buried Solana's disappearance, talking as if she had been present all along by instinct. He took a step back, amassing his thoughts. "Rita Secada. She led the A.M.M.O squad for a while before she took over as captain after Cap was killed. I'm telling you, she can help us bring this son-of-bitch down."

Solana shoved Mike's hand and pivoted around him. "We? There is no "we" in this. I'm not going to be interrogated like a dog just so that piece of shit can get a slap on the wrist and live in a bed of roses in a fancy prison cell. That bastard killed my baby!" She screamed bloody murder, a jagged vein pulsing through her neck from the exertion. Mike was speechless. He was relieved that his wife, Christine, wasn't home to hear this. 

"He used his men to take out everyone I loved. That's grounds for retribution. He wants me to hunt him down, and that's what I'm going to do. The only reason I need your son is because his mother was acquainted with him, and I need to see if he knows exactly where he's hiding."

"Acquainted how?"

"Once Isabel escaped from prison, Basílo smuggled Cuban-bred cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamines through her to be transported across the Southwest border. I was there at every drop-off point and watched him exchange the drugs and payment. He told me that there was a bunker that Isabel's men built that he used when he wanted to get away. I believe he's laying low there, and I need your son to show me where it is. She had to have told him something about it."

"Just take a moment and think about this: why would she tell him some top-secret shit like that? It didn't have anything to do with him."

"Honestly, I don't know. All I know is that my mind won't rest until I have him, and all I need is something to stick. If you know where he fled to, tell me, please."

Mike rubbed a hand down his face. In his heart, he understood that he had to do the right thing, or it would eat away at him for as long as he lived. "He's in Maldives, in a city called Male’. Now, where I have no clue, you'd have to figure that out yourself. I'll try to get some communication going to give him a heads up about you coming, but I can't guarantee it. He's on alert, so you can't just bombard him with this revenge plan shit. You can stay here tonight, and in the morning I can get you some passports, burner phones, and cash for the trip."

"Okay. Thank you for this." She managed to stutter. "For everything. This means more to me than you'll ever know." She pinned a soft-lipped peck on his temple. Mike suddenly gripped her hand, brought the front of it to his lips, and let it remain, his warm breath fanning the skin there. There was an affectivity that transcended fundamental friendship. It was as though their souls were platonically bonded as one. Mike felt this feeling before, as did she. He slackened his hold, and it allowed her to free her hand. 

"You never have to thank me for anything. Just promise me you'll stay safe, and I'll see you again. No running off this time."

"I promise."

"We're getting up bright and early tomorrow, so you should try and, uh, get some sleep. I'll bring a blanket and pillow down for you."

Solana nodded at his statement, taking a seat back on the couch. It was fairly quiet, save for Mike's bare footfalls as he strolled up the spiral staircase. She stayed seated, her nerves reminding her that it was best if she stayed put. 

Mike returned with a matching satin comforter and pillow. He tossed them to her, chuckling to himself when she caught the pillow but missed the comforter.

“You’re welcome to the fridge and TV; the thermostat is past the kitchen on the first wall to the right if you get too cold, and yeah. Let me know if you need anything. Goodnight.” 

“Stay dangerous.”

Mike lifted an eyebrow. “What?”

“Stay dangerous. Remember, we used to say it to each other before Cap chewed in our asses?”

His heart thumped. How couldn’t he remember that? How could something so frivolous hurt to not remember? He masked his pain with a whacky laugh. 

“Yeah, stay dangerous, ‘Lana.” And with that, he receded up the staircase, switching off the light as he ascended.

As the television glowed, casting a glare of light along her face, Solana's mind ran wild. She wondered how her first encounter with Mike’s son would pan out. She’d be bluffing if she said she wasn’t a bit high-strung. She was hours away from being face-to-face with a sociopathic killer. Of course, she’d come across plenty of demented people in her lifetime, but this was different. He was different. She continued to be lost in thought before she finally drifted off to sleep. 

A/N: I know I said Armando was showing up in this chapter but I decided on having the next chapter surrounding him. Plus, I wanted to focus on Mike and Solana’s dynamic for this one. I hope you enjoy and like, comment, and reblog if you like. xoxo

[heathersdesk]

One of my favorite follows on TikTok is Reverend Oliver, a trans pastor in West Virginia whose whole thing is trying to teach leftist people how to shed their worst impulses and inclinations to be better members of their communities. He is a firm advocate for genuine connection, leftist cooperation and community building with those on the right, and the kind of activism that is truly transformative and leaves no one behind.

He made a post, in an ongoing conversation about ways for leftists to identify opportunities to connect with their larger communities, that listed some of the fronts where leftists need to consider society's unmet needs. He included child care and elder care on that list. He also included addiction recovery resources.

Seeing an opportunity for the kind of interfaith connection he's always talking about, I pointed out that the LDS Church has free addiction recovery programs that anyone in the public is invited to attend, regardless of religious affiliation. And unlike other resources like the bishop's storehouse, no interaction with ecclesiastical leadership is necessary or expected. You can just show up, get support, and leave without any expectation of obligation, financial or otherwise, to our church. And honestly, a healthy dose of reality for the program from voices outside of our own community might temper some of the attitudes in our own community about pornography and compulsive masturbation being equivalent to an addiction.

So tell me why a random ex-Mormon took it upon themselves to begin an argument with me in Rev. Oliver's comments about the LDS Church leadership and past animosity towards queer people, that it isn't a safe space for them, that all queer people are forced into conversion therapy (which is false), and people show up in ARP with things that aren't even addictions.

Even after I told that person I'm queer affirming, that I believe these are things the Church can and does need to change, that I have actively been working on those improvements through my church membership since Prop 8, they just kept going. I became the dumpster for their unresolved anger towards the institution, even though I'm a total stranger and have nothing to do with anything they were complaining about. I have never put any queer people into conversion therapy and never would. I'm not Dallin H. Oaks and never tortured queer people at BYU. I think the Church has many sins it needs to answer for in relation to its treatment of queer people. At no point did I disagree or argue against anything that was true. For all intents and purposes, this person and I probably agree about a lot of things.

So why were they still attacking me? I'm actively trying to improve what upsets them without invalidating any of their feelings, and they're still upset with me. Why? What more do they want from me?

I find myself in this position with ex-Mormons all the time. With a tenure on Mormon Twitter that went from 2009-2023, I've seen every form and progression of ex-Mormon sentiment that could ever possibly exist. Especially because I left the Church for a time and did so with heartbreaks of my own. They don't know this when they approach me because they have no idea who I am, and I don't expect them to. But the irony is never lost on me that we could honestly be besties if they would shut and stop making assumptions about me long enough to hear what I'm saying.

And I mean that with my whole chest, and with all the self-recrimination that comes with it: ex-Mormons engage people in fights when they have no intentions of listening, achieving understanding, or engaging in constructive resolution with anyone in relation to the Church. They use people for emotional catharsis, and that's all they want from these interactions. I'm just supposed to sit there and take it. That's what they want. That's what they expect. And when I refuse to engage in the process as a receptacle for their disregulated emotions and the shame they want to make me feel, they get mad at me for not giving them what they wanted from me.

They don't see me as a person. They don't respect me or the work I do. They don't actually want to see the Church grow or improve beyond the ways it hurt them in the past because it means the Church and its people were always capable of doing that, just not for them. And they aren't prepared to feel or confront any of that, emotionally or spiritually. All they've ever wanted is a real apology and real change, but when it happens—when someone from the Church genuinely apologizes to them and tells them they deserved better, as I always do—it's not emotionally satisfying at all. The skies don't part, angels don't sing, and they don't feel any better.

It's like that scene from Malcolm in the Middle where Lois finally apologizes to Francis for being abusive to him when he's not expecting it, he freaks out because he had built up what that apology would look like and what it would accomplish in his mind, and he gets mad at Lois for ruining the fantasy in his mind. She doesn't know what to do, so she asks him if $20 would help. He takes the money in a state of confusion, but clearly still doesn't feel any better because it also doesn't help.

So I'm going to say the same thing here that I did there, for when this inevitably happens here: I'm not going to apologize for trying to make the Church a better, safer place for everyone. I'm not going to apologize for my association with the institutional Church, despite its failures and imperfections. I have made peace with my place here, the good I do, the impact I have, and the changes I am making. This is my church too, and despite what people think, there's room for me here. And as long as I'm here, the Church is a better and safer place for marginalized people because I've committed to making it that way. I don't expect anyone to stay when it's safest and healthiest for them to go, but I'm not going to join them. I already tried that and it was a waste of time for me.

If someone decides to place the validation of their choice to leave the Church on my refusal to go with them, that's not my problem. I don't owe anyone that. And their choice to do that doesn't entitle them to use me as an emotional jizz tissue for their anger at (and grief for) the institutional Church and other people in it I've never even met. Put it in a journal or take it to a therapist you pay for. Don't hand it to me, then get offended when I hand it back to you. It's not mine. If you don't want the nasty end results of your emotional outburst, what makes you think I do?

All of this to say to ex-Mormon folks who do this: have some self-reflection. Do you do this to people? Is it healthy? Does it accomplish any of your goals? Is it helping you to become the person you envisioned you would be when you left the Church? Have you fully formed in your mind who that person is? Have you fully and appropriately grieved for everyone and everything you lost? If not, what impact is that choice having on the rest of your life? And should you be doing something about it instead of arguing with me?

Again, don't tell me. Put it in a journal. Tell a therapist. Or, even better, tell the person who actually hurt you. Because telling me isn't going to make you feel better. And you may not realize this yet, but it's tremendously difficult to be me, too. I'm the one telling your parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, neighbors, classmates, colleagues, co-workers, and other people in your life at Church that they need to treat you better—how to do it and what it looks like. You need me. What I do is important. It's also exhausting. And if you use up all of my energy in an argument with you, how am I going to do it? Do you think about that? Do you think about what it costs me to be the person you've already decided it's too exhausting for you to be?

I say this with all the love and encouragement I have: either help me or get out of my way. But don't make my job harder. Why would you do that? It doesn't serve you, me, or anyone else. It just makes you look bitter, makes me less effective at creating the changes you want, and all Mormons (former and current) look like we don't have our shit together. Because this isn't new. Every religious tradition on this planet has had to struggle and figure out how to create space for marginalized people. Every branch of Christianity has had to figure out their relationship to their own queer people, to stop actively hurting them and to embrace them instead. You're a part of this transition, even once you leave, by whether or not you perpetuate this animosity with people who stay. We all have to put down our weapons. The fighting will continue as long as anyone anywhere is still throwing punches.

If you're an ex-Mormon, be the best one there is. Be unbothered and totally disengaged from the Church and its problems. Create the life of your dreams with nothing from the past in it, if that's what you need. When the people in your life direct coercion and manipulation at you in relation to your spirituality and church disaffiliation, return to sender. Be so busy being your own best self, you don't have time for any of this.

That's what you deserve. That's what I want for you. That's what many in the Church who stay want for you, because we're not all selfish pricks who get our jollies from forced homogeneity and making people suffer. That's not even the majority of us. It's the people you're actually mad at. Stop treating us like we're all guilty by association. Have the courage to put the dog turd of your displeasure on their porch where it belongs, not mine.

[yxstxrdrxxm]

Hello, everyone! Navina (or Black Swan) here. I'd like to make a personal announcement:

My commissions are open!

I've been thinking of opening a Ko-Fi account for a while, and after a lot of time debating on the matter, it is finally done. You can view the page right here!

I only take commissions as I have no idea how running a shop works (lol), but I'll probably get to it one day. As for why I opened my Ko-Fi page, I simply wanted to branch out what this blog has and its potential.

Again, if you would like to commission me, feel free to check what I have. It's barren right now but I assure you that I'll open more of my services when I got the time.

(also to my mutuals/dreamjolt hostelry members you guys get a discount from my shop, 70% off of everything on stock because ily all too much haha)

In a serious note, I'd like to formally apologize for the lack of activity. I've been going through a lot of things and I had to take a step back in writing, especially when it got really, really personal/difficult to run this blog. I do plan on getting back to posting, but I cannot guarantee this blog to be back on its usual momentum like it used to.

(I will be explaining some serious stuff utc so if you dont want to read it, no worries, you're free to stop here. Thanks for reading though!)

As many of you noticed, I've been posting less because of the motivation dropping since Flawed. I've been cooking up some posts in the past, but with how complicated things are, it's been extremely difficult to push myself to write.

I am also going through a lot of personal issues, some that leave me financially strained (as a college student), hence why I opened commissions. Its not required for you to commission me if you can't, but it is why I made the page.

As a heads up: I plan on opening up editing commissions for my rentry/editing blog (@/dxxth-gxd), but that is still a huge ???. Do not get your hopes up in case it does not go through.

And finally, I plan on returning to writing very soon. I have a long and very big fic working and it may serve as my comeback to this blog (with new banners too!) but I ask that you remain patient. I'm (truthfully) not in the best state of mind, but I'm working my butt off to bring the best quality of my work for all of you who are still around.

Once again, thank you for the support, and I apologize for my absence. If you'd like to support me monetarily, you may drop a tip or a commission to my page. Every dollar counts, no matter how small. If you can't, just you supporting me by reading, rbing, and even sharing to others is more than I can ask for.

I will most likely be chilling and writing in the dark in the meantime, so thanks for sticking around. <3 I'll make you all proud. I promise.

[dayurno]

EXACTLY READING IT MADE ME SOO MISERABLE SOMETIMES IT MADE MY STOMACH HURT but only a good fic with good angst can make you feel for the characters like that

kevin day my love, my superstar, no ones doing it like him, I've gone years without caring about aftg after being hyperfixated for a few months when I first read it, but the perseverance of kevin day brainrot is astounding, I think about him everyday and I know I basically think about him everyday, because I think about him and then I go to your blog like everyday like it's the morning newspaper or something😓🙏

genuinely i'm here except when you're not gave me some kind of depression i swear... but it was very good in the sense that it had a pretty funny cycle of it's over > we're so fucking back with kandreil's relationship. at times i was sure they were at a point of no return and the author always brought the tension back and showed that it was fine, actually, there's always a way out of this. which in the end i think is really the best thing about that fic.... to this day i think i haven't read any writer who is as good as controlling the tension, save perhaps for niknak22 in 'in the light of day', which i also thought had a similar (but much cheerier) vibe

MY LOVE AND MY SUPERSTAR..... yes :-) kevin brainrot is certainly one of the most permeating things in the world... i hope i'm a good morning newspaper! ive heard that before and i think really if the first thing youre doing is checking dayurno on tumblr YOU might be past a point of return re: loving kevin day. he is in your walls and in the very marrow of your bones

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

“i’m an ally to disabled people!” mhm ok so you’re still masking then? oh you’re not? interesting

[storytellering]

Love your art and I'm generally curious as to what the appeal of Dante/Vergil is to you? Do you have any hc that you're drawing from or is it just personal preference? I struggle to imagine the right conditions for them to be involved in that way and would like to know what inspires you.

I will premise this by saying, that I’m actually not a MASSIVE fan of just DV for its own sake, if Nero isn’t also included (or like, with the assumption he will, 100%, be included once he’s in the picture). To me it’s kind of a baseline pairing?

As in, I don’t even have to think about it. Of course they’re in love, of course they’re together, of course they’re fucking. It’s almost an afterthought to me, the way the married parent couple of the protagonist in a story inherently are. It doesn’t necessarily interest me by itself, that fact, it’s just a certainty, it just is. I guess, for me, the interest in DV specifically comes more out of what other people make of it, because for me I’m almost always approaching first from the perspective of Nero being there also, haha.

There’s also the fact that I have a lot of hc about just like, the way demons function as a species, I guess. I took a lot of things dmc canon gave me and went like, “alright, time to project this into the most self indulgent, non-human society but humanoid looking species I can think up in my brainhead”. To me a lot of the appeal comes from it being not necessarily a predestined thing as much as like, a biological inevitability - (going to speak in definitives about my own hc from here on, so not making any statement about canon dmc lol) demons mate with their kin, and with whoever deems worthy - and twins from the same litter would inevitably end up being the other’s first partner, their first choice, their other half. In a sense, to me, they’re soulmates - though honestly I prefer to think of it more as two halves of the same soul, following the implications in 3 and the 3 manga that them being twins comes from the spawn of Sparda being too powerful to just be born in one body. That might sound like I’m just saying they’re soulmates in a different way, but not really - to me, if I had to go the soulmate route, Nero would be both of their soulmate - because the two of them make one single soul, and the match to that would be Nero’s.

I kind of just go off of the assumption that they are in love and have been since they were in the womb, you know?

That colors the way I see their every interaction. To me, in their fighting, their squabbles and their feuds, there’s always love at the source. Familial, yes, but romantic and sexual as well - and to me, when I think about them, it’s all one and the same. To love each other like family is to be intwined, is to be mated, is to be a pack and is to be one.

That’s the more deep thoughts I have about it, I have more shallow/surface thoughts (and specifically ship dynamic thoughts about like, what appeals to me about them sexually lol) but if I had to quickly sum it up that’s what I would say, I think. 

[ozymoron]

reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

[bylertruther]

i don't like season three when viewing it as a continuation of seasons one and two, but i do very much like season three when viewing it as the prequel to seasons four and five... hmmmmm.

[derpinette]

sometimes i will get bored & go through someone's entire blog since its creation

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

[wild-at-mind]

Not reblogging it for reasons, but I really agree with that person on here who said people are reframing depression and generally feeling shit all the time as a good thing because of the horrors of Gaza. There are people on here heavily implying that you feeling bad and finding it more and more difficult to live with yourself is actually an appropriate response to war and genocide. In some way, it might be. But the thing is, where does that lead? Does it lead to decisive action in accordance to your values, or to nihilistic stewing and self isolation from your community?

The post went on to call it anti-recovery culture- I don't know if I would call it that, because I get why people don't like recovery culture, especially in relation to addiction, but mental illness also. I think that's something I'm not qualified to speak on. So I wouldn't call this anti-recovery culture. Instead I would call it pro-burnout in activism culture. Do you honestly think people who are the most productively working in their communities and participating in actions to help overseas are feeling like this? Or do you think they have learned to use self-accountability and community support to reign themselves in when they begin to burn out emotionally, and rest and recuperate their mind in order to come back stronger? Ask yourself, is that wrong of them to do, because they should be feeling bad, because after all that is the appropriate response....does it mean they don't care, because they don't spend all their time feeling shit? Or perhaps, the truth is, they do care, and are demonstrating it all the time, but they also understand that them feeling shit literally doesn't help anyone. Why can we not talk about or acknowledge this?

[insert-funny-url-here]

Hey random life pro tip but you can and should always examine your thoughts, opinions, beliefs, and assumptions because they all come from somewhere. ESPECIALLY the ones you take for granted. It can be super helpful to just get a little curious and ask yourself "hm. That's interesting. Where did I learn that?" (The answer is usually your parents/family or culture/society/religion).

For example, if you feel worthless because you don't have a job, take a moment to think about where you learned that you need a job to be a valuable member of humanity. That idea didn't come out of nowhere. It probably came from being raised in a capitalist society built on the Protestant work ethic. This also applies to ideas like "I'm boring" or "I'm ugly" or "nobody likes/loves me" or "nobody will like me if I x" or "I have to do x or else y" or "x people are y" or really any other thought/belief.

Importantly, you should not shame or judge yourself when you realize that some of your thoughts/beliefs may have come from somewhere you *really* disagree with. I think this happens a lot for folks who leave a religion or political party and keep some lingering values like purity, keeping up appearances, and needing to atone for "sin". There's nothing to be ashamed of during this process because it's our weird, squishy brains that hold onto values so tightly without us necessarily consciously knowing that it's happening. Our brains don't come ready-made with the ability to disentangle your more conscious beliefs that you may have fully abandoned from less conscious ones that you've perhaps never noticed without conscious effort. When you notice these things, simply acknowledge them, label them, and ask yourself questions about where they came from and if you truly do believe them and why.

This is a continuous process that can take someone's whole life, because we are constantly picking up messages from others around us about how we as human animals "MUST" live in this world. I'm not going to lie and say this is an easy process to go through because you will likely be tempted to feel guilty and ashamed about holding beliefs that don't like up with your actual values, but just remember that it ALWAYS makes sense why/how you got to this point. We are all products of our genetics, relationships, and life experiences, and if you work hard enough and have enough information, you can track down where all the different parts of you came from. I would also highly recommend getting yourself set up with a counselor who you like and trust because they can help you work through disentangling these things without shame.

REEXAMINE YOUR BELIEFS ALWAYS. YOUR THOUGHTS ARE NOT REALITY, THEY ARE JUST THOUGHTS MADE BY YOUR SQUISHY ELECTRIC MEAT.

[bunnihearted]

🍷