#but theres so much I don't understand i end up feeling like im taking up space I don't deserve

[gabrielapazlima]

Why do i ship Cuddlejump⚡️❤️

(Hoppy hopscotch x Bobby bearhug)

And how i see their dynamic being like!

if you guys follow me for a while you guys may already noticed my very normal adimiration for the ship between hoppy hopscotch and bobby bearhug from the smiling critters...its not like they are 90% of my art gallery and that i cannot shut the fuck up about this ship hahaha right?

well,yea,i really,really,REALLY like them- its a ship that i pratically came up with first than anyone and somehow other ppl ended up found of them....but why? Why does Gabriela da paz lima is so normally obcessed with the ideia of a green tomboy rabbit n a red carebear being a couple?

At fist you may think "Uhh it is probally because of the classic tomboy tough girl x soft girly girl archetype right?" and yea,i can see why ppl think that is a very famous lesbian ship dynamic i respect ppl that are solid into them bc of it.... but its deeper to me than that...first i want to talk abt hoppy n bobby's solo characters first!

Hoppy Hopscotch⚡️🐰

ngl when i entered this fandom she was like,my favorite...i still love her tho

she is basically the energetic tomboy of the group acording w her official descreptions,she is also know as THE big motivation force of the critters,always pushing them out their comfort and have a very adventuous n positive spirit-

BUT she have very noticeble characters flaws as well,not only she is quite loud but she tends to be bossy n really impatient,being described as someone that can be "handful to deal with",and before the book release she is literaly the only critters with her character flaws listed-

i always liked how her personality is kinda complexish in comparassion to other critters,she is clealy have a good heart,very loyal n likes to help the others (which we can see in her cardboard line) but she can come up as rough n "overwhelming" in the way that she does it,she doesnt have the intention of hurt or being mean but she still comes as rude due her lack of patience n understanding( cof cof autism) of ppl's limits-

i really like her i feel like she is SO underrated:( you guys have to STOP make her a bully,she is NOT like that.)

Bobby bearhug🐻❤️

i love bobby so much that is not even funny,she is my kin baby-

she seems to be the typical shallow love girl at first sight but...theres so much more abt this carebear....

in her descreptions she is basically the mom friend of the group,she is here to keep her friends together not matter what,she is very phisically affecionate,she is emotional inteligent being very patient n understanding ( which is kinda of what hoppy lacks 👀) n her compassion don't limits itself to only hed friends but to things,places n basically any living thing-

she seems to be pretty much the perfect girl right?...well yea almost....and then theres her voice lines that give a very tonal shift to her character....

"i love you to the moon and back!im CRAZY about you...im lost without you...i been lost a long time....please take me with you this time....you'won't leave,will you?!"

at first it seems some kinda yandere shit but reading more and more deep in that,it sounds so desesperate n sad tbh...i seems like she is not thay confident by herself n DEEPLY fears the abandoment...which is...very ironical for HER character...

"But these lines are about the bbis destiny" yea i know but these lines are ALSO reflected in their cartoon personalities,like kickin being scared n hoppy being impatient...it very likely that is ALSO linked to her canon personality as well...which also makes me think in what amber said about her...

Damn thats....so relatable...i always try my best to be there for other ppl but im always so hard to myself when i know that i should not....thats a perfect irony to the "love character"...

she does not have that much of strong will for herself,she does not love herself in the same way that she loves everyone...she feels weak and defenceless n unwanted being at her own because she doesnt feel enough...

fuck,im crying...They will NEVER make me hate you,bobby bearhug.

🐰⚡️About Hoppy n Bobby's relationship🐻❤️

you see...they are both are very complex girls that love to support people on their own distinte ways,hoppy is the more of phisical support crittet while bobby is the emotional support critter- they deeply care about their friends and they want see them trying news things...i would say that they both valorize support over anything,thats their main atribute-

but they are also deeply flawed in very different ways,hoppy is impatient,bossy n can come off as rude bc of her lack of caring side....also very reckless as consequence....(kinda the reason of why she died) Bobby is very emotional dependent which causes her to panic over the ideia of being alone n doesnt like trying to push herself to do anything when she is feeling too alone( that also can be the reason of why she died)...

they flaws n qualities...weidly compliment each other well...hoppy needs more emotional inteligence n more understanding,not only of other ppl's limits but her own limits.... Bobby needs strengh will and motivation due her deep insecurities and self loath,she can be stronger than she is at her own,and hoppy can show that to her-

i feel like they dynamic is really strong and be summarized as "Besides all our differences,we value the same thing and in the end of the day,i really need you"

i just REALLY love comprimentary duos + opposite atract sorry- call me basic bitch.

💚More of their dynamic plus personal headcanons❤️

i like to think that hoppy would be sighly unconfortable with bobby's affection fowards her at first but she is slowly beggins to enjoy it and reciprocate it-

i also like to think that they would be the ones to come up with the group's activities together,hoppy tries to do batshit insane stuff but bobby tones them down to be safier-(they MIGHT go into lil fights abt it)

also hoppy really enjoys bobby's anger/tough moments because she is surprising REALLY strong but she always never show it-

hoppy also tends to be emotional but she nevr shows it util bobby find it by her own and she ended uo breaking her tough girl persona in front of her(which of course bobby accepts)

Bobby,hoppy n kickin were kinda of a trio and they basically the over loving girl,the cool "chill" guy and the hyperative dumbass...it fits them...

i have a MILLIONS of stuff to say about them but i would be here forever sooo i hope you guys have enjoyed my yapping about cuddlejump:)

BYE!!!

[goosefruit]

the best cure for period cramps

vanessa shelly x fem!reader

tw: nsfw, period cramps, period sex, oral, fingering, yeah thats pretty much it, i guess you can say theres fluff A/N: yall i actually dont know how to use tumblr so i hope im doing this right

================================================

"Y/N, baby? You okay in there?" Vanessa's voice rang out from down the hallway. 

You rubbed your eyes, groaning as you made your best attempt at sitting up. The clock on the wall read 11:30AM. 

For the past hour, you had been drifting in and out of sleep, the pain in your lower abdomen growing progressively more intense. It was that time of the month again, when your uterus made it impossible for you to do anything except lying in bed miserably. To make matters worse, you had ran out of painkillers again.

"Yeah. Well. Except for the part where I feel like I'm bleeding out to death." You replied with a wince as another round of dull, throbbing pain seized your body. 

Vanessa had woken up an hour ago to make the two of you breakfast, the smell of freshly made bacon evident even behind the closed bedroom door. 

"Period cramps?" She entered the room to sit on the edge of the bed.

You nodded, grimacing at how pathetic you must have looked. 

"Aw, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I'm out of painkillers. And I'm so thirsty I'm starting to wonder if I'm evaporating on top of bleeding out."

Vanessa let out a little chuckle at that. "Wait here. I'll grab you some water."

She came back a few moments later with a cup of hot tea and a plate of bacon and toast. The food was mouth-watering, but the torturous pain was ruining your appetite to the point where you feared you might throw up if you tried to eat. 

"Do try to eat something, but I understand if you're not hungry right now." She placed the breakfast and tea down on the nightstand before joining you on the bed. "Come here my love, let me hold you."

She wrapped her arms around you and placed a gentle kiss to your slightly sweaty forehead. You took small sips of the comforting tea, the warm liquid providing some momentary relief. 

"I don't mean to cross any boundaries, but..." An idea sparked Vanessa's mind. 

"..mhm?"

"A drive down to the nearest pharmacy would take at least 10 minutes. And then another 10 back. Since you're in so much pain, I do know a quick method to relieve period cramps...but it's unconventional."

"Please Vanessa, tell me. Anything."

"Orgasms." She bit her lip to avoid making a face. 

Your expression made it obvious that this was not the response you were expecting. However, you were not opposed to the idea. At all.

"Let me explain. Orgasms release dopamine, which, you know is the chemical that helps with increasing pain tolerance." She sounded like a total nerd, which you found adorable. "So if you want to, I can make you cum, maybe even multiple times. I've tried it before, and God does it work wonders," she added that last part with a blush.

"Are you sure? I don't feel exactly sexy when I'm passing blood clots from my vagina every hour."

"Baby. I would love to go down on you. The only thing you have to do is let me know if you're comfortable with it."

And that was how you ended up with your girlfriend between your legs, blood dripping down her chin as she lapped at your clit. 

"Mmm, fuck Nessa. 'M so sensitive." You whined, clutching a fistful of the sheets. Everything felt tender on your period. 

"You-- got this-- my love--" she breathed out between strokes of her tongue. "Doing so-- fucking--- good for me--"

You moaned loudly as she pushed one finger inside of your sore pussy. It slid in easily, the blood acting as extra lubricant. 

"Harder, Ness. Baby, please fuck me harder."

She pumped into you harder at your request, adding in a second finger to stretch you out. Her fingers repeatedly brushed against your gspot, and you gasped in response every single time. 

Vanessa looked so unbelievably gorgeous going down on you: loose blonde strands falling out of her usually neat ponytail, eyes gazing up at you with a combination of lust and care, blood smeared all over her face and dripping from her swollen lips. The sight was almost enough to make you climax at a glance. 

"Don't stop. Holy shit, don't stop, I'm so close." The knot in your stomach tightened.

"Cum for me Y/N," the blonde wrapped her lips around your puffy clit and brought you oh so close to the edge. "Come on my tongue and give me every last bit of your pain. Let it all go, my angel." 

Your mind was too blurry to form a single word, so the only noise you could let out was a scream as your pussy twitched around her fingers, an orgasm crashing into you with full force. Vanessa continued to draw circles on your clit with her tongue until you had come down from your high. It must had been a whole minute before the stars in your vision cleared. You smiled, both at the intensity of the orgasm, and as you noticed the lack of aching pain in your abdomen.  

"So, how do you feel?" Vanessa looked so proud of herself, pulling her fingers out and wiping her bloody chin with the back of her hand. 

"Oh my god, I fucking love you. That was mind-blowing." 

Trailing kisses up your body, she pressed her lips to yours, filling your mouth with the metallic taste of your pleasure. 

You found that the taste of your blood was oddly sexy, perhaps because the image of her covered in it, devouring your cunt, was still ingrained in your brain. 

"Want another pain reliever?"

"I'll let you know when the cramps start up again." You chuckled and pulled her in closer to deepen the kiss. 

[seventies-arcana]

PAC: what blessings are coming for you this upcoming august?

welcome! in this pick a card (it's really a pick a pile), you will find out what potential blessings are coming to you this august, 2023. gentle reminder that because this is a pick a pile reading, it is meant for many people, so take what resonates and leave what doesn't.

politely call upon your guides/higher self to guide you to what pile/photo you should pick, then read the corresponding message.

pick a picture to begin ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

pile one (the island): ace of pentacles, four of wands, the empress

there's a sense of new prosperity entering your life, likely with some sort of relationship, whether its romantic or platonic. theres so much happy-go-lucky energy with this pile, meaning that you'll be feeling really good. you've met someone who makes you feel empowered, who respects you and understands your worth, allowing for a great duality between the two of you. theres a lot of fun energy with this relationship, and im seeing imagery of two people enjoying social events. this can be going to amusement parks, town fairs, lunch dates, beach days, overall doing things together in public. your vibing, going with the flow, and most importantly, enjoying yourself. this relationship carries no expectations or stress, something your very thankful for-- perhaps independence is important to you this month.

pile two (the water): ten of swords, five of swords, queen of cups

something happened at the end of july or the beginning of august that left you feeling lost, hurt, and/or saddened. don't be fearful though-- emotional healing is coming. this month is one of selfcare and reflection. your prioritizing yourself and reflecting back on your emotions. im seeing the possibility of you journaling, perhaps this could be a great outlet for yourself to get any unsaid feelings out of your system. once you reflect on what happened that hurt you, you will feel physically lighter and mentally cleansed. overall, your taking time to yourself, resting and relaxing, and of course, no longer beating yourself up for things that happened in the past. im also seeing a lot of water imagery, perhaps your spending time by the poolside, on a boat, or maybe even spending time in the bath. being with water is something that you'll be enjoying this month.

pile three (the table): the emperor, ace of wands, nine of cups

i am feeling a lot of passion with this pile, especially in a creative sense. your set in what you want, possibly something related to a new buisness venture, a spontaneous trip, or even a new relationship with someone (if this is the case, im sensing a lot of physical chemistry and playful enjoyment). either way, this is something you have been wanting that has finally come into fruition, and now its time to go ahead and physically start what you have been wanting to do! you've gained the materials to do so, and a leap of faith is required to get going. trust yourself, remain enthusiastic, and enjoy what has finally come your way. its extremely possible that this is something you have been manifesting, and august is definitely the month of when youre getting the beginnings of it in your physical reality. your going to be having fun and shamelessly indulging yourself (which is totally worth it). the go ahead is present, the green flags are waving, this is the chance you have been waiting for to do whatever your passionate about!

please like, follow, comment, and reblog! i appreciate it a lot ♡

[rakkuntoast]

ok i got nothing else to do so here's a transcript of the whole trauma talk

philza stream july 22nd 3:26:06

Tallulah: if i think u were paranoid, he is even more. y'all need a break

Phil: i mean it's cuz we've like experienced some kind of loss with the eggs, right? so, we've had the nightmare, alright. Chayanne lost a life to neglect cuz of misscommunication. Tallulah, you lost a life to the code monster...

Phil: Like we've felt what it's like to have you guys dissappear from our grasp, right? you've like- you've dissapeared from this world briefly, and we know what it's like. Like i-i've personally know what it's like, for you guys to fucking dissapear entirely like, the nightmare happened and i thought that was it, i was like "fuck well, it's done" and i felt so empty, right?

Phil: I-I genuenly felt like i lost a hardcore world, like- the 5 year world that i lost? that's what it felt like, i was like fucking miserable. And then bad uh- lost dapper like- like in a weird glitch type thing, and that got reverted. But when it happened, you can hear it in his voice like, he was distraught like- theres like a bond that we share even if is playing block game, you know?

Phil: we're just hanging out like, i wanna protect you guys with everything i can. everything i have i wanna protect you with, you know? but... i understand that i can't protect you for everything, so i just try to protect you from that i can, so... (and ooc out-of-character, i think everyone watching is incredibly invested also -laughs-, we're in the same boat)

Tallulah: It's understandable, thanks for sharing how u feel with us i'll be more careful

Phil: that's okay, you- you- you're very careful already tallulah, it's chayanne that fucking dives head first into danger all the time. He's- he's a bit more reserved now, you can do that chayanne when like theres more people, its fine, cuz then we can look after you, we can back you up. But when its just me and you, or me, you and tallulah.... we gotta- we gotta stick together, alright? we've seen all kinds of strange things happen

Chayanne: i mean, gosh i'm bad with words!!!

Phil: yeah, its alright. im just gonna throw some blocks out of my inventory

Tallulah: i gotchu brother

Phil: awww -laughs- gotta back eachother up, back eachother up guys

Tallulah: you show more with ur actions chay, that's more than enough

Chayanne: i dont want to die, i wont die soon, i take everything you showed us seriously

Phil: (overlaps) guessing "super seriously", yeah yeah yeah yeah.

Phil: You know what i think makes it more stressful? Is that us players can't see your health, right? So like, we don't iknow how close you are to danger, we can't- you can't talk to us mid fight, alright? like, you talk to us throught signs and books and stuff but like, we have to go through body language alone to figure out how in danger you are... You can't tell us, you dont have like a button to press, you don't have- there's like nothing to indicate that you're extremely low on health or in peril, alright?

Phil: So it makes it more stressful for the players and the people watching cuz we dont know, so i have to just be super fucking careful... And just treat it like you're on like barely any heart all the time, just in case

Chayanne: Thank you so much for that, when the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking-

Phil: -laughs- Oh god

Tallulah: Thank you for being such a good mentor (and father figure) i can't promise i might not die, but i will fight if i have to-

Phil: Oh i absolutely believe you'll do your absolute best to survive tallulah

Chayanne: When the giant squid grabbed me i was shaking bc i thought that was the end of it

Phil: Yeah- that was terrifying yeah, it's so- it's so like stressful

Tallulah: -to still be here with you all. i promised my papa and i make that promise to you

Phil: Aww, thank you Tallulah, thank you.

Phil: I feel like there's enough counter-measures in place that- realistically um it shouldnt be- nothing bad would happen like- you souldn't lose a life but.. You know me, and I- you know how im- I just I know that multiple bad things can stack on top of eachother and cause a really bad thing to happen, so like we have to be just careful of that, you know? You can be prepared for anything but there's always gonna be ways that you'll be unprepared for something, alright Phil: so- as long as we just prepare as much as we can and just be extra safe and not put ourselves in unnecessary danger then.. These situations that could happen can't happen. The only thing we can't prevent against really, or we can prevent it a little bit- but we can't really prevent it is when the code monster decides to take the life from an egg cuz.. You've seen it first hand, it does not give up

Chayanne: So yeah, it's not a good feeling ;_;

Phil: Yeah... I'm glad you guys are in the same page

Tallulah: In conclusion: we need to go to tio Roier's therapy sessions

Phil: -laughs- Is Quackity paying for it, yeah? Quackity got that on lock, it's like and insurance- it's like a company insurance, like a benefit you have for working with the server. its like "okay so uhh, who needs to book a therapy session today" everyone raises their hand at the same time, good god. Yeah, we'll go to family therapy together, we'll work it out, we'll work it out

edit: minor spelling mistake </3

[holybibly]

these r my thoughts on ur recent poll

woosan would bicker too much and you would have to gag wooyoung to make him shut up or degrade him to get him to be turned on, san would probs end up sulking cause woo wouod get more attention lol

matz i would consider bc hello who wouldnt tbh? but also hwa... it would never end and id at least like some sleep but he could go at it for hours

sanhwa? too sexual for my liking, if hwa ever gets riled up too much ur done for as he is a ticking time bomb and that would make san cry

why did u not include sanjoong if fhats their ship name? water+water would be so sexual / intense and maybe emotional or at least thered be so much understanding of each other (im alsonwater sign so make that 3x intense threesome ever lol)

yungi i love those two towers but they are too gentle / easy going / soft or vanilla not that thats a bad thing if thats anyones type just it might be quite average like nothing too rough nothing too easy kinda inbetween or normal

minhwa again doesnt kind of match bc like ones going to be so soft the other is going to be like a bull in a china shop aka dangerous

sansang would be interesting and idk if yoesang x jongho would be gd idea bc jongho is so scary tbh, even for me, wouldnt want to do him wrong in bed.

Oh baby, I'm so glad you've expressed your thoughts and I'd love to take a master class in ideas and pairings from you because you're so good at it. I would also love to read some of your work, please don't be shy, I'm always open to exploring new things.

But, baby, I think you're a bit out of touch with astrology if you think that Aries Yunho and Leo Mingi, who are both fire dominants, will be gentle with you or at least have the slightest hint of vanilla.

The same goes for Mingi and Seonghwa, who are a perfect match. And as a fire sign, blessed with such a gorgeous fire entourage (not counting my beloved Scorpios, Geminis and Cancers), I can say with confidence that no fire sign will ever let anyone step on them or look in the direction of vanilla.

And again, we're talking about Wooyoung's humiliation, and I'll say it again, this man will bring you to your knees with one look, and it's you, not him, who will be begging and squirming.

As for Hongjoong, please, beautiful, dark and sexy Scorpio, I won't even begin to list all the disgusting and vulgar things he will do to you.

As for San, I think Seonghwa or Woo will balance him out perfectly, and in the first case it will be a damn demonic duet, and in the second case it will be an excellent example of a princess daddy, where Woo will be responsible for passion and aggression, and San for control and dominance.

As for the rest of the pairings, as a writer, I have every right to do what I want with my ffs and write for those members for whom I feel inspired.

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past��i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[pencileraser1]

pencil eraser one. you word your long posts about dps very well so im pointing my frustration with media-ly illiterate people in your direction. im constantly seething with rage at this podcast episode i listened to a very long time ago abt dps bc they said neils suicide was STUPID and OVERDRAMATIC. and i just. i wanna throw up that boy killed himself and ur calling himnoverdramatic what do i even do. i am high a little and this is very much affecting me i cant get up from this couch 🎀

you're completely correct for this i actually have a few thoughts about this so uh bear with me for a second

theres something that sucks so much about this specific type of criticism of this movie in particular to me because of how much i relate to neil. i watched dps for the first time when i was 17, severely depressed and borderline suicidal and i related So Much to him. i didn't write off his suicide or criticize it because i'd Been There.

generally i feel like this criticism probably stems from lack of understanding Why he would do what he did, and there's a number of reasons that that this could be although that would be leaning a bit too much into psychoanalysis and assuming things i don't know about them so i'm not going to go into it really

up until it happens, neil seems like he's doing mostly okay, and particularly if you haven't seen the movie before i could see how to certain people his suicide might seem overdramatic since it's a bit of a sudden shift from mostly okay to suicidal. but the thing is that up until this point, neil has just been doing a very good job at hiding that something is wrong.

my interpretation of the movie has always been that he'd struggled with some form of depression as well as dealing with some amount of suicidal ideation before the movie and had just generally been good at masking it. during the events of the movie he is the happiest he has ever been because of the combination of the poets, acting, and keating. so when at the end of the play his father suddenly takes away all three, and his options are either to confront his father (something that he feels is impossible to do- even if it technically isn't, the fear he has surrounding it of his father listening but not caring, or making things worse than the are, or anything else, prevents him from doing it) or suffer through 10 years of medical school away from anything he actually cares about, he decides to remove himself from the situation entirely instead.

(theres something about the way his suicide is framed within the movie where in some fucked up way his suicide more than anything else is his carpe diem. he's seizing control of his life in the only way he is physically capable of anymore)

neil's suicide isn't rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or that he's overdramatic. just because logically waiting out the 10 years until he's away from his dad or leaving as soon as he graduates high school or turns 18 or whatever it is is a better option doesn't mean that 1. he'd have the idea to run away early or more importantly think it doable (he tries so hard to not directly disobey his father the whole movie and after doing it one time is now stuck in This situation, additionally, while this is the 50's and in general shit costed less/jobs were easier to get/etc. he is financially dependent on his father and running away without any support is not the smartest decision) and 2. that he'd be physically capable of enduring the 10 years. because 10 years is a long time Especially if it's 10 years studying to become a doctor, something that is both generally difficult and also something he Doesn't Want To Do. and so the sudden switch from happiest time of his life to suicidal throws people off and they don't understand why he wouldn't have done any of the other options that they thing are the logical ones but to him probably didn't seem physically possible.

[silantryoo]

as much as im annoyed by the potential implications of the mhj/hybe drama i do feel like theres way too much speculation rn ... rlly doesn't sit so well with me that everyone is bashing on mhj alone (im not supporting her either though) and not bang sihyuk too. some hybe stans rlly js worship the guy and idk why . its not like he's innocent too. like those texts from him are so annoying too. abt if she's satisfied that nwjns is so popular and also abt trying to rival aespa / bp alone ...

hybe has sm power and r known for their mediaplay so i rlly do wish people would keep that in mind instead of doing their own speculation to bash on mhj . we don't know fs if she's the reason behind seunghan, youngseo, etc .... it seems so forced that everyone just collectively is making stuff up on their own theories and pissing on her. like im all for it when everything's done with but it's giving misogyny to me ughhh idk how to explain it eitherr without sounding like a mhj stan I PROMISE IM NOT TAKING HER SIDE T_T i just cant help but feel like poeple find it easier to hate and bash on women sometimes. even me scrolling x nowadays feels so annoying. literally feel so bad for illit and nwjns rn.

personally i was a teeny annoyed that illit had a similar image to nwjns w their nostalgia/coquettecore (also though just seems like cute/youthful concept is making a cb in general in kpop) but only because their songs on super real me were the exact type of songs i liked most from nwjns (super shy, hurt etc. the softer less peppy songs compared to hybe boy) so it bothered me that there was an implication that nwjns might be forced to distance itself to a more differing concept to keep some contrast btwn the two ... but ik that's not illit's fault at all (literally love the girls sm im a runext fan ^^) i feel like i can understand the upset that illit was getting a similar concept when every other grp before illit in hybe had more defined concepts seperating each other. but once again that's all hybe's doing ...... seeing the choreographers supporting mhj too makes it seem like not even the nwjns team or even all the staff were on board with the references in the choreo either...

anyways i do hope this controversy doesnt impede on either grps promos :( and i rlly hope everything gets sorted out... im srsly hoping this doesnt turn into a 5050 situtation again but with nwjns i was so upset when that happened . was curious on what your thoughts were or if u were keeping up with everything?

the way im coming back to reply to this first thing after my exams is insane, but this nwjns thing makes me so angry for all the idols under hybe. both parties j cares sm ab money that they're blindsided by the potential of ruining their idols careers, mental health and images. mhj is being stupid and hybe does seem to be doing anything to protect nwjns (as far as we know. i could be wrong).

(yawl, jsyk i obv dont have ALL the information. from what ive seen online and the articles ive read, this is what I THINK. ME. youre free to think smthn else, whether i agree or not.)

i def thing that bang hyung sik (bhs) isn't innocent either. although min heejin (mhj), in my opinion, is more in the wrong j based on the treatment of other idols, bhs seemed to provoke her, and on top of that, the company seems to blindly support ppl and give them a platform so long as they make profit for the company. ive been seeing a lot of ppl saying hes j human but youd think theres a reason why mhj got kicked from sm, yk? and you j took her back in w open arms.

hybe is v good at media play fs. its their forte, and ppl seemed to stray from the from the main problem. mhj is using nwjns as a weapon. hybe probably is doing the same thing w their other groups too, dont get me wrong. ppl seem to forget that this entire issue isnt "drama", its a legal battle ensuing between a huge corporation and its subsidiary. hybe has infinite power compared to ador. its horrible on both ends.

the thing is tho, mhj has consistently been showing the public red flags. the lyrics of 'cookie (ik she didnt write the lyrics but shes the ceo. she got them approved)', the portraits gifted to her of naked underaged girls, her obsession w olivia hussey (who happens to look like minji), her treatment of sm employees, her past work w shinee (sexualization of underaged taemin), etc. not to mention her extremely (at least in my eyes) inappropriate relationship w nwjns. the gifts shes gotten them and how she uses their emotions as a weapon. if bhs did that, everyone would be up in arms.

i dont think (for the most part) this is misogyny. i think ppl alw had a weird feeling about her. at least i did.

idt its good to speculate on ppls departure tho. youre def right ab that. the lsfm hate train (esp the coachella one) most likely has nothing to do w mhj. and i do agree that hybe copied or was at least inspired by nwjns, but idt illit copied them. illit and nwjns have a very 'pinkpantheress' sound, the uk early 00's bedroom pop genre. however, nwjns is more y2k and illit is more dream-like, ykwim? hybe was def inspired by nwjns tho. i think a more fitting one would be tws tbh. their sound is v similar to me (emphasis on to me) than illit.

dont get me wrong, it's incredibly shady and the way that a lot of staff are on her side makes me think that hybe was leeching off of the success of nwjns. it referenced all girl groups under hybe tho, lsfm and fromis, but there was def more nwjns references.

what im worried ab the most are the groups, esp nwjns. lsfm has been going thru their own struggles and rn this isnt the best for them, but theyre not extremely involved in the situation, not like nwjns and illit. illit, from what ive seen, has majority of the success and recognition from overseas. however, their success in korea'll take a huge hit. itll def take a toll on the girls mental, considering they j debuted and this happened.

nwjns is the worst off. theres a chance they might leave w mhj if ador does pull away from hybe, which isnt in the groups best interest. mhj's press conference and overall attitude is gonna affect their upcoming release fs, and their proximity to mhj herself is worrisome.

hybe doesnt seem to be doing shit to protect their artists, they're j protecting their name. theres no statement on or for illit, no statement on malicious comments for any of the groups (that i know of).

tldr: min heejin and hybe are both at fault. dont take sides of either, take the side of the idols.

sorry, im j so passionate ab this. the shit ive been seeing online has been making me mad. after getting back from the lsfm hate train too... as mad as i am at mhj, hybe GAVE her that platform. if the things they claim is true, and if the speculation is true, they alr knew from her past employment that she was shady. its their fault for allowing that.

[crxnberrykxng]

Hii- firstly I lovelove your blog, and I think you’re super stupendous.!! Thank you for having a vent space open<3, you dont have to read if you dont want too, I just wanna tell someone. -

I just feel like very unfullfilled in my life, and sorta apathetic to the things happening around me. I know im smart and that i deserve good things in life, yet i put myself in self deprecating situations, and i dont make any effort to pull myself out of them until it becomes so bad that my life is at risk. I miss my father, theres a protection order for my own safety due to his manic episodes. In a few months it should be safe for me to visit him, but ive just recently became an adult and started living on my own, ive always had someone to rely on. Specifically an older man. I feel so lonely and i just want a relationship with someone that isnt based around sex or unhealthy dynamics. I want to feel taken care of, im so used of taking care of someone that i dont remember what it was like to be cared for. From a young age i was comforting my mother, icing her bruises. Playing the messanger between her and my dad. It was good to feel needed, relied on. Until it came to the point where i can barely sleep at night, and i am terrified all the time. of what? i dont know. Nothing makes me happy anymore, the compliments of perverts on the internet, the validation of someone asking why im so thin. I just dont feel anything. Im stuck in this places, in this repetitive routine. I just want my father to love me like he did when I was a kid.

Sorry this was so long, I just needed to tell someone atleastxoox

hey <3 this might be kind of a wall of text so fair warning:

i understand completely how you feel. i never knew my birth father, had a cycle of men in my moms/my life throughout my childhood and teenage years. my mom has also had a lot of struggles w mental illness so for the most part i ended up raising my siblings and taking care of everyone else. its hard, and it takes a MASSIVE toll on your mental health.

wanting a parent so badly HURTS. you cant describe it to someone whose never experienced it. it's a different brand of pain and it never truly goes away. however, i can tell you that help and healing is absolutely possible, its very difficult but theres always someone to reach out to. hell if you need to, reach out to me. ill help find you someone who can help more than im able, if thats something you would ever want. i may be a disordered blog but i will 100% always go out of my way to offer any kind of resources or support for those who ask.

for now though, try to be kind to yourself. you've taken care of yourself and gotten to today, and i'm so proud of you for that. depression is fucking brutal. i have bipolar disorder type 2 and my depressive episodes make me feel like no matter how hard i try ill always end up back in the hole i'm trying to get out of. it sucks !!!! its fucking frustrating !!!! but its also not my fault, and being depressed is also not YOUR fault, either. you deserve love, care, and support just as much as everyone else. you matter. your feelings matter. you deserve more than the cards you've been handed and that makes me so angry for you. you should've gotten so much better and i'm so sorry the people that were supposed to provide that for you never did.

you will be okay one day, i promise. all of us will be. there will be a day where you can feel at home and at peace. i wish i could tell you when that is, but just try and hold out until you can see it. i love you and i'm sending all the healing in the world to you, and anyone else who feels the same way. you are loved, and it'll be okay. don't cringe at the cliche, but things will be okay in the end; if its not okay, its not the end <3

[my-pjo-stuff]

HEY DID U KNOW THAT THERES GONNA BE A NEW TOTAN ARMY OC IN THE TV SHOW!!?!!!

her name is Alison and the description is

"she went to Camp Half-Blood in her youth, but now lives in the mortal world"

Also the casting call is for actresses 18-22yrs old so how old do you think she's gonna be in cannon? im think in late teenager in her first appearance

Also what are your thoughts on the TV show? i like it so far, and i think that it is taking a much more jaded approach. It's leaning more heavily on the "gods are awful" bit and i think it's gonna be different but still awesome

To be quite honest, I have mixed feelings about the show.

Ireally like what they did with Luke and the changes they made to thale confrontation at the end! That shot of Luke’s face with these watery eyes was GOLDEN. It's my personal favorite scene, really shows he isn't a total villain and actually VERY sympathetic.

I just love the Luke scenes in general.

But I disliked the changes they made with the pearls- mostly because personally I just found it unnecessary yk ?

Another thing I disliked (probably the main thing I disliked) is Percy missing the deadline. Mostly because I just think it makes Poseidon and the gods look to good????

Like, to me a core thing of PJO is how shitty the gods actually are. INCLUDING Poseidon (If you really think about it). I don't think him giving up for Percy was really in-character for him.

I do enjoy the conflict it could bring with Luke though, where Percy only gets to really see the good side of his godly parent and thus can’t really understand Luke and his group. Thus we can have a Percy who has that slow realization over the course of the show.

I’m not sure what to think of how the show did Hermes. That whole talk about him being unable to get to Luke because of his fate or whatever….eh. Personally to me that's just a load of bullcrap and excuses- I really hope the show reveals and treats it like that too and doesn't try to make Hermes innocent.

Because frankly said? Luke was comically easy to prevent had Hermes just not sucked SO MUCH.

Like yeah Poseidon advised him not to go but A)Poseidon broke his how much advice with Percy, so it’s canon that Hermes didn’t HAVE to stay away, and B) how could Hermes genuinely apologizing and showing care for Luke and May have POSSIBLY made it worse?

So yeah, pretty mixed bag for me. I like some, I dislike some- I’ll definitely watch S2 though!

As for Alison, I honestly assume she’ll be around the same age as Luke. Possibly as a love interest for him?

Personally I don’t really care much what she’s gonna be exactly, I’m just excited for more Titan Army content!

I’m hoping we’ll get more focus on them in the show, especially when we throw Alison into the mix. The books sadly had the TA quite underdeveloped, which I hope the show can fix.

But honestly? I’m happy if they keep up the Luke scenes to the same quality they were so far. Real 10/10.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi cas <3

cw/tws for medical stuff, complex family relationships, discussion of death

so, for context, im a regulus black kinnie (itll make sense, give me a sec aha). ive got a difficult relationship with most of my family, but most especially my mother and older sister. my sister is a lot like our family's sirius (except if he still had walburga's narcissism, cruelty and manipulation), and she really doesnt get along with either of our parents. my mother is... a difficult woman, in that she likes to victimise herself in every situation, shes homophobic/transphobic/all the phobics, shes also very narcissistic, and likes to make uncomfortable comments without bothering to be nice about it. all in all, i try not to be around her much. im also supposed to be moving out soon, and planned to minimise contact as much as possible once i do.

to the point: my mother was diagnosed with cancer yesterday. my father (hes kind of a neutral party in the family dynamics, btw) was the one talking to me about it, since she's in hospital at the moment. he said they caught it early enough where a bit of chemo over the next few months should get rid of it and she'll be okay, but 'cancer' is a scary as fuck word. he also then told me that this isnt her first time with it — she had a different type of cancer around 20 years ago.

honestly, i feel like my brain is battling itself about how i should feel. on the one hand, ive been looking forward to not having to be around her now for years, and i hold very little love for her at this point. why should i care? she'll be fine at the end of it anyway. but shes still my mum, yknow? and i feel awful having these thoughts about how badly ive always thought of her and how much ive wanted for so long to get away from her and how it almost feels like this is some sort of sick fucking joke from the universe about how i should be careful what i wish for or something.

this whole situation keeps making me think about regulus in best friends brother(? i think thats the right fic) or p much any modern au where walburga dies so tbh ill probably end up writing a fic about it to cope, but still i just... i guess i needed to tell someone? my father asked me to keep it to myself for now so that it wasnt spread around where we live (its a small area; everyone knows everyone).

and the bit with my sister - as i said, she doesnt get along with our parents. i dont talk to her much anymore either because she seemed to inherit a lot of our mothers worst traits, but im afraid that if we do talk about this then she'll have some awful thing to say about it. she makes some really dark 'jokes' sometimes about suicide and death and such, and im nervous that she'll say something about how she hopes it kills her (again, my sister fucking sick, and has zero empathy), because shes made similar jokes about other stuff in the past. i also dont think she'd understand that im still afraid for our mother even after everything shes done, and i hate the way my sister turns on me and rips the piss out of me when she doesnt like what i do.

it all kind of circles back to how im supposed to feel, i guess. part of me wants to not care and brush it off, whatever, but theres still part of me dying for my mothers love and approval and is terrified of losing her, even with the low possibility.

sorry this got so long, and for how heavy it is. i hope youre doing well cas, and thank you for all you do for us <3

Hi hon!

My god, you ARE a reg kinnie.

Here's the thing- there is not a RIGHT way to feel about those things. You have a complex relationship with your mom, so of course you'll have complex feelings about the situation. You don't need to feel guilty for feeling any certain way, because there's no right or wring way to process this. You're allowed to feel scared and neutral and confused and ambivalent. That's okay!

Your feelings aren't a betrayal to anyone, and you have a right to them. You also have a right to any action you choose to take. Remember to do what feels right for YOU, because YOU are important.

I'm here if you ever need to talk <3

Naming you reg kin anon.

[rockybloo]

Hi, feel free to ignore this ask, or point me wearily to the FAQ if i missed it, but can I asked what inspired the world of Lore? Specifically the holistic nature of it, where different tales live side by side. I am a…hopeful, one-day fairy and folk tale scholar, and in my studies I’ve seen this concept pop up in a lot of more modern retellings/reimaginings, and one of my projects has been to see if i could find a source. When i say inspiration/source, I don’t mean singular piece(s) of media that gave you the idea (if you have one id love to know it though!) i more mean sorta your own internal source, the emotional trigger that led you to grouping separate fairy tales into one larger world. I know theres a lot to be said for the simple concept of “because it fucks, thats why” (some of my favorite interpretations of tales spawn from similar concepts) but if you have the time or energy, id love it if you’d be willing to ponder deeper motivations.

Sorry for the long ask, im absolutely obsessed with your characters and the worlds you create by taking archetypical settings and twisting them into something new and intriguing. Thank you for sharing your art (in all senses of the word) with us!

Thank you! And I very much love overthinking fairy tales and their existence SO I SHALL DO EXACTLY THAT!

For me, the reason I just plopped down every fairy tale into the same world, aside from a simple "Because everyone else does it and it's my favorite type of fantasy world" is because it makes so much sense to me.

There's a ton of repeated themes and characters in fairy tales to the point they have a classification system to make folklorist's lives easier when categorizing them. There are so many different Cinderellas, and I don't mean just the European one, as it's a fable that has been found all around the world. There are very much big differences in each story but the literal age old tale is still noticeable.

I took a mythology and fairy tale class in high school where we talked about "The Hero's Journey" which is like a template nearly every story falls into regardless of where a story is from. And for me, it was wild seeing just how many shared tropes humanity has as a whole in our storytelling.

A character that pops multiple times, aside from Prince Charming, is the Big Bad Wolf. OF COURSE it's because wolves were (and still are somewhat) dangerous animals and so that is how they are characterized in fables such as Little Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs. But it's still noticeable that these stories overlap with each other so fitting them into a single world just makes a lot of sense.

Another gigantic reason is that we all live in reality. There's a general understanding of what can and cannot occur on Earth. We know we can't fly without some machine to aid us or talk to animals and have them speak our language back to us. And many mythical beings can potentially be traced back to specific interactions early humans had with rare instances in nature and a need to have a reason "why?".

In fairy tales, reality is fantastical. Numerous tales have talking animals, super natural beings, shapeshifting, characters defying death and recovering from "should have been" fatal injuries, and being able to live happily ever after with never ending love.

We humans don't really get that. Especially that last part with happy endings and love. Sure, we can live a peaceful life or try to but there's this level of joy in some tales that only exists in fairy tales. And love so so much more complicated than the typical "love at first sight that lasts forever without problems".

With all these elements that land fairy tales in a different realm of reality than us, I thought it made sense to actually make a realm (or rather a planet) that explains why things in the world of fairy tales are so much more different than us and even somewhat explain why our reality doesn't have magic in it.

It basically traces back to that age old human urge to explain the unexplainable with some story.

[stoic--rose]

just finished persona 1, spoilers under the cut

alright now that we've weeded out all the JOKESTERS, i loved this game, i love the characters, story, surreal atmosphere and setting, all that jazz. that being said those last few dungeons, ESPECIALLY avidya world, gave me so much heartache and grief, since grinding wasnt a mindless task i could just zone out to, since some of the encounters have enemies that either null or reflect magic or guns, so you have to be conscious of what's going on in the battle, and it just drove me up the wall near the end. that being said, the 7 hours of endgame grinding really paid off when i got to absolutely stomp pandora into the pavement with heiroglyphein. one of the most liberating feelings ive ever gotten playing an rpg. also, i dont think i like persona's demon system. i wish that you got the actual demon itself like you do in normal smt, rather than these stupid cards, and im especially not a huge fan of the fact that theres persona rank, persona level, and the persona's level, it was mad confusing and it took me until literally the final dungeon of the game to fully understand it. i also feel like ranking up personas takes WAY too fucking long, and the encounter rates are pretty crazy in places like the overworld map.

next, specific comments on the psp version, i didnt jive with the alternate soundtrack at first but it definitely grew on me over time. and some songs like bloody destiny absolutely fuckin kick ass. still not used to the original names though, nanjo will always be nate to me. also wasn't a huge fan of the new world map at first, since i do prefer the janky ass 3D overworld map of the ps1 version aesthetically, but i think that the new 2D map is just a lot better from a gameplay standpoint, it's a lot easier to navigate and you don't get lost as easily. sorry cate, gonna have to give this point to the psp version........ i also do GREATLY appreciate the skip feature they put into the battles, i played up until about the end of the sebec building in the ps1 version before just giving the fuck up because of how damn slow the battles were, it drove me nuts. after seeing how much grinding i ended up doing at the end of the game in my playthrough, i know for a fact i would have just given up if i kept going with the ps1 version. that being said, i think i definitely want to give the ps1 version another shot at some point, i kinda love how shitty the localization is, stuff like that is always fascinating to me

final playtime was 147:18, which is probably the longest time ive ever spent on an rpg just beating the main story, not going for anything like 100%. played on normal mode, took the SEBEC route, brown was my chosen party member. overall, i really loved persona 1 and will definitely be playing it again. im especially excited to check out the other routes, although i might do my other playthroughs on easy mode just to save my sanity. i did my time, i beat this game with no save states or fast forward on an original psp, i earned this

[gayemeralds]

what are the things you hate most about shadow? i think i was mostly neutral-negative towards him but fandom blorbofication made me so instinctually averse to anything about him i cant really pinpot the ones that annoy me the most

i'll admit at first it was mostly because i was annoyed by the fandom's approach to him but i try my best not to get swayed by other peoples perception of sonic and i went back to look at the source material so i can bitch and back myself up. lmao.

i think i just really hate the direction of his character post sa2. i think there's plenty of story to be wrought from shadow- i say i wish he stayed dead after sa2 but thats not 100% true. i think the amnesia arc they went with post sa2 was the dumbest fucking thing they could do with a character who we spent an entire game (sa2) figuring out his past in. like sa2 is so lore heavy that having the core character of the game become amnesiac was stupid i fucking hate it. and it doesnt even get resolved in sonic heroes we have to get shadow the hedgehog 2005 to get a better answer and if im honest even then its still immensely confusing on what, exactly, they're trying to do with shadow.

like imagine if they didnt go the route of amnesia. a shadow that has to fully reckon with the fact that he nearly ended the world. a shadow that has to immediately acknowledge the events of sa2, his grief, geralds actions, and where this leaves him. amnesia shadow just doesnt do shadow figuring out where he stands in regard to his past enough justice. idk i just wish the amnesia thing literally never happened it was so stupid and i think it fucked up his character post sa2.

but other than that, i really do hate how he keeps getting pushed into things that he really shouldnt be pushed in. i think the sonic movies and sonic prime are the most egregious examples. i really dont understand why sonic prime, who's purpose was to explore alternative dimensions, didn't focus on sonic and blaze. why was shadow a core part of this show. and the sonic movies skipping sa1 just to get to sa2 to have shadow in the universe to milk as much money as they can frustrates me so fucking much. why is shadow confirmed before amy. also shadow in the twitter take overs when hes not even in the fucking games??? like sonic frontiers and sonic colors... i'll admit i hate sega using him as a marketing ploy. shadow to me is a character that should be placed in the reserves- he's really only useful for big, world ending events. otherwise whats the point of having him around, especially since they don't want to be consistent in his characterization.

speaking of charaterization... im not sure how to phrase this but i think a lot of modern presentations of shadow, in fandom and through sega, really forget how sa2 presented shadow, and his relationship to sonic. i hate how shadow keeps getting casted as sonic's edgy doppleganger whos just picking fights for the sake of a fight. like if you want that metal sonic is right fucking there and always has a good reason to pick a fight with sonic. and i really hate how sonic & shadow are not always casted as equals. theres an underlying respect to their relationship that i think gets forgotten. shadow does respect sonic- he calls him the ultimate lifeform during the finalhazard battle- he acknowledges and respects sonics ability, tenacity, and simplicity. he respects sonic! and the two are equals! they're supposed to be foils of each other- of what letting your losses define you as. they're equals! they're two sides of the same coin! i don't know how to phrase this without going on an insane tangent i just feel like people don't entirely understand what them being foils means.

anyway. idk. i don't like shadow post sa2 is the simplest answer to this lol.

[supergigabigboybabechad]

She/they, bisexual, asexual, 19 (I tried to make it less formal sorry if it looks formal still. 💜)

I have blueish-gray eyes with red hair that's in a side shave (like one side on my hair is shaved). I am chubby, I have tons of freckles except on my face. I like wearing emo style clothes or comfy clothes like hoodies and sweats. I hate dresses and shorts, I don't like showing off skin. (If you need I picture I can send you one in dm or I can send a picrew).

Likes: anything with drawing/painting, games including board games.

Dislikes: uhhh spiders, driving (I refuse to get a driver's license it's a huge fear of mine.) I'm not scared of being in a car just driving it.

Isfp-t or my kin itto and scaramouche, I am a cancer. People say I have rbf (resting bitch face). Though I am really nice to people, unless they mess with the people I care about then I couldn't care less about them. I try to be helpful when I can. When I am around people I know, I can be loud and talkative (the loud part isn't on purpose it's just when I'm happy or excited). I tend to put people a lot before myself. I don't really like talking about my personal issues to anyone and can be known as the therapy friend. It's the opposite though when I'm around people I don't know, I'll be quiet and not wanting to interact. I have adhd, depression and anxiety (wonderful I know). When I do get upset I don't talk and won't interact until I have calmed down. I do cuss a lot though I'm more careful when I'm around kids/people I don't know. If I have a fight with someone I prefer to sit and talk it out and hate it when they walk away from me when I'm just trying to talk to them.

Hii!! Im sorry this took so long I wanted to make sure you’d definitely love it and I couldn’t do much over weekdays but weekends are for double time! So here you go!❤️ (order is less to most compatible imo!🔥)

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul would REALLY appreciate you wanting to talk things out during a fight, as well as how easy you are to talk to!

Azul has insecurities himself, so it’s safe to say he’d get scared you’d leave him if you left your fight without resolving anything, with his nature in general, pretty sure he hates loose ends

Once you’ve talked things out while being civil and mature, he’d ask “So, could we call this situation resolved?”

The way his voice shakes a little you can tell he’s worried

Upon hearing no and that it was just a conversation to better understand each other, that now that you’ve resolved the issue you can both better work to avoid it next time, not only is he relieved but he’s smitten with how smart you are!

Azul is overworks himself too. Top ranking student with a successful business, theres definitely a lot on his mind…

Luckily you’d be there to support him, he wouldn’t want to appear weak to you so if you asked him what was wrong he’d respond with the usual “just tired”

Urge him to take the break he so desperately needs so he can just sit with you

His jacket’s not very comfortable so if you’d offer him your hoodie he’d bashfully accept and lean on you

He likes that you’re chubby! It kind of hits home for him with his past but the way you’re so beautiful dare he say your size adding to such beauty it soothes his past wounds

He would love to play board games with you!! He’d take you up at every challenge

He might let you win if he’s feeling especially benevolent but if you beat him on your own accord he’d keep challenging you till he won

If it’s largely a skill based game it would bother him so much that he’d devote hours to practice just to be able to win

Azul would understand your anxiety due to his own, he may not experience it the way you do but he sure knows how it feels

He’d drag you to the vip room where you could have time to think

If you’re willing to talk to him he’d walk you through your thoughts and help you rationalize what’s going on

He’d also get Jade or Floyd to bring you some food and refreshments, on the house of course, to make sure you’re in the right headspace

If you wanted to help him out while he works he’s really appreciate it! Being helpful to him, trying to decrease his workload, he feels cared for

That and any time with you relaxes him, suddenly paperwork feels less like a chore.

Silver

Upon first meeting you silver wouldn’t be deterred by your rbf (he has one too). He’d speak to you in his overly formal way.

He wouldn’t mind you being quite or not talking much either, with his caring nature, he’d often come to you just to check in and make sure you’re okay

Silver is very much an acts of service lover. He’d take care of all the spiders for you! He wouldn’t kill them he’d carefully scoop them out and leave them far away from you.

He’d assure you everything is alright and taken care of. Then being knightly as he is, he’d ask if you need anything and bring you a glass of water.

Always going the extra mile to ensure your safety and well being he’d sit beside you, just in case you needed anything.

Speaking of, he’d always be there to comfort you when you’re struggling with your mental health

I cant say he’d know exactly what to do the first time he sees you having a panic attack.

He’ll try his best to comfort you but be hesitant knowing the fragility of the situation. What he will do though is research on how to better help you the next time, he’d speak to you exactly about it as well, not during your attack but he’d bring it up casually

While taking you out on a date in the forest, woodland creatures surround you both having in a relaxed state.

“The other day, how often does that happen?____ Mmh.. I see, I’m sorry, the next time, even if I’m not there, I want you to come to me. What can I do to help you?”

This applies to anxieties about your relationship with him as well.

If you’re anxious about anything in your relationship, it will hurt his heart to know you feel that way and he’s do anything to make sure you have no reasonable doubt in his love for you.

Silver would love your painting.

If you ever wanted inspiration to paint or draw anything outside he’d accompany you out into the forest

Creatures would come running to him wherever you are giving you a lovely scene to spark inspiration. He might fall asleep while your painting but with all the animals around him and the soft light hitting him you might end up with him on your canvas

He’d be flustered to find that he was the muse of your latest work (very flustered)

“Oh this.. No it’s nice the technique, you’re very skilled.. I just…” he wouldn’t be able to properly express how happy he is

Silver would also encourage you to talk about your personal problems. As your knight and lover, it’s his job to make sure you’re happy and safe

He’d know when you’re upset and ask you about it but he doesn’t want to push, he’d encourage you to tell him but if you’re uncomfortable he wouldn’t force it.

Instead, he’d show you acts of service, taking you out for a walk or just all together refusing to let you be alone

With Silver you’d never feel lonely and you’d always have someone there for you, and someone who will put you first the way you do for others

Leona Kingscholar

This seems like a very unlikely pairing i know, but I feel like you’d really compliment each other!

Can’t say your first impressions of him would be great.. he’d definitely be a bit very rude but generally, i don’t think he’d make any personal attacks, I don’t think he really does so in general he’s just kinda bitchy

You wouldn’t understand what he has against you and try to ask about it. He wouldn’t be receptive at first, if you really think about it, nobody’s really put effort into trying to understand him. You’ll receive push back when trying to understand him

Once he realizes you’re truly trying to have a conversation, he doesn’t know how to take it, he’s touched deep down though, he won’t show it of course but from then on he’s acted more…neutral towards you?

Putting others way before yourself?? He won’t have it, he doesn’t care if you’re nice to people that’s none of his business, but he won’t let you do anything to harm yourself

As lovers, he wouldn’t give you sweet words, but you can tell he speaks to you softer than anyone else, but when it comes to things like this, where you’re indulging in unhealthy habits, he’s much more stern

“Hey herbivore, there’s a difference between being helpful and being a pushover. Do you really want to be doing that?”

If you don’t give in and take care of yourself first, he’ll grab you for a nap

“We’ll I need your help too. I’m your boyfriend, shouldn’t I take priority, i need to be comfortable while I sleep….. Hah? What about them, I’ll tell them you’re busy”

He’d love your comfy clothes and soft body! It’s more comfortable for him when he holds you.

The way you’re protective of the people you care about? Be ready to be on the receiving end x2

If anyone even slightly mistreated you while he’s around, he’d demand things be made right and that you receive an earnest apology

He’ll drive you around too! Or he’ll have someone take you, he’s so reluctant to show how much he cares for you with his words but he’ll do things for you that you know he wouldn’t do for anyone else

If you want him to play a board game, he might make a comment on how childish it is but willingly join you

Unless it’s chess he’d willingly challenge you, if you express desire to play video games though he’ll blow you off about not having any, but the next time you see him he has a console with competitive games for you to play together, he claims it’s because beating you is fun any way so might as well expand his horizons

As for your anxiety? If he notices you’re anxious, he’ll say he wants to ditch and take you somewhere quiet

“Hey, what’s going on with you?” The lack of attitude in his voice gives away his genuine worry. If you don’t respond or say you don’t want to talk about it, he’ll sigh, sit you down beside him and just lean you against his chest where you can hear his heart beat.

Keeping his hand on your head so you can’t move away, whether he intended it or not the sound of his heart beat would soothe you.

His hearing is highly sensitive so he’ll know when you’re feeling better due to your breathing. “Do you wanna tell me know? Or do you wanna stay there?”

Leona would be what you’re missing, he’d stand up for you and make sure you’re first. But at the same time you’d be what he’s missing too, no one has taken the time to truly listen to him, what he thinks or what he feels, with you he feels heard.

Idia Shroud

With how introverted you’d both be at first, you probably got close through board game club

Idia gets more talkative when he’s in a competitive mood which would likely lead you both to opening up while playing

His competitive spirit might bring out something in you too leading to your board game matches to become a more frequent thing (you’re more normal about games than Azul)

I have no proof other than pure gut instinct but I feel this VERY STEONGLY HE WOULD LOVE YOUR FRECKLES HE WOULD LOVE THEM SO MUCH I KNOW HE WOULD

Later into the relationship, he’d hold your face and kiss them as a greeting, afterwards he’d pull back and admire them while lightly brushing over them with his thumb(HE WOULD TRUST)

He loves your style! But he REALLY LOVES your hoodies, if you accidentally forget one in his room, he wont give it back, even when asked about it he’ll claim to have never seen it

He’d get really embarrassed if you asked to wear his racket though, no mater how close you are he’d want so badly to say yes but just wouldn’t be able to get the words out

You wouldn’t have to worry about driving! Idia would just whip you up a car that you don’t have to drive

Spiders though? You’d have to fight about who has to kill them…

Idia has a bad habit of saying the wrong thing, he doesn’t mean any harm but he doesn’t get much social interaction so the things he says can come off in the wrong way, that’s why he appreciates how understanding you are!

If you were to talk to him about it he’d rephrase what he said to better fit what he meant

If you yelled at him he’d cry so the way you approach him in such a mature and understanding way is so comforting, any worries he had about confrontation with you are gone

He understands your anxiety, very much so

He’d walk you through a whole exercise if your experiencing anxiety with him, then he’d give you a piece of candy(he always has some on him) and tell you to focus on enjoying the sweetness of it while walking you through a breathing excercise

He has hella video games too! He’d bring you over to play them, he’s playing to win too, I hope you’re in the mood for some friendly trash talk

Before he knows it, he finds himself comfortable with you, comfortable enough to be himself letting him feel safe with you im sure he hopes you feel the same way about him

——————————————P.S. Your style sounds so cool and ur hair style too! (Also I love freckles!!)

[silvercrane14]

Kaguya-Sama: Love Is War - two students are in love with eachother but refuse to "lose" and admit their feelings. Instead, they have increasingly convoluted plans to get the other to confess.

Okay I will admit. this Is a romance and also ive only seen the anime. So actually this would fall more under anime recs bcs the english dub voice acting is AMAZING. Anyway tho its a comedy that I really enjoy. Its about romance but like. Idk I dont read/watch romance often so I cant say "its not like the standard romance plot". But its less about them Falling In Love and more about them Overthinking Everything And Being Silly. ALSO !! tho it takes a bit, it does go into the characters a lot. Very centred on the characters relationships !! Not just romantically between the main two, but in general.

Why I think you would like it: similar in "vibe" to nozaki-kun. Funny!! But it has its moments of seriousness and it understands its characters well.

Mushishi - Eye Have Not Read This im sorry 🙏 i havent even seen the anime so I dont actually know much about it but ive been recced it so many times I figure I should pass it to you.

If u like Natsume's Book of Friends you'll enjoy this. Genuinely I think this is my strongest rec for you on this list even tho I've never seen it. I really do think u wld enjoy 👍

Insomniacs After School - IM REALLY SORRY I HAVENT READ THIS ONE EITHER. I HAVE IT KN GOOD AUTHORITY U WOULD LIKE IT I JUST CANT GUVE ANY DETAILS. BCS IDK REALLY.

"Two young teens who can't sleep find companionship with each other. They must learn to overcome any challenges and figure out what's important to them."

Why I think you would like it: Ive heard its similar to Skip to Loafer in a way!!

Girls Last Tour - Two young girls explore a post-apocolyptic wasteland. They go through abandoned buildings and old towns in their journey, battling solitude eith only eachother

This one is a little sad. More likeeee. Meloncholy, yk? I dont have much to say about it. Very good manga.

Why I think you would like it: The character relationship between the two girls seems like something you would enjoy.

Look Back - to be super honest its been over a year since I read this I dont fully remember what happens. Theres this girl wjo draws comics for her elementary school newsletter. Shes funny so every1 really likes her and her comics. at some point another comic appears, but its actually just four panels of background art. Its so beautifully drawn that the other students begin to fawn over it. Angry kver her loss of attention, the first girl goes to meet the girl making these new comics (The background girl doesnt go to school, she works at home). Thr end up becoming friends and the story shows how their friendship develops and changes, growing closer and growing further apart.

The manga is p short for. a manga but its actually just a Really Long oneshot. Its rlly good. not much else to say.

Why I think you would like it: Very similar to Blue Period. About art and how it reflects people. Also very strongly driven by the relationship between the two girls.

The Girl From The Other Side - ive been typing so much i really cant give a whole review on this. Similar to WHA. kinda. beautiful art. read it u will enjoy it

Kaguya-sama I watched the first two seasons of! Maybe I should read the manga too, I did think it was fun

Mushishi I watched maybe the first episode of, but I should definitely try again,,, I don't remember anything about it lol

I've read Insomniacs After School!!! I'm definitely not caught up though, and I've been planning on watching the anime,,,

Girls Last Tour I,,, might have seen? At least part of it a long time ago. I'll have to rewatch/read the manga

Look Back sounds really interesting,,, I'll check that one out!!!

I'm actually reading The Girl from the Other Side in Portuguese rn lol I have volumes 1-5 on my shelf