#but they are slightly toxic and codependent

[frownyalfred]

imagine beefing with Bruce Wayne and then he buys the company you work for. and then STILL being friends with him afterward.

[comradesummers]

saw someone say in the tags of a gifset that buffy and willow are the most important relationship in the show "to me". and i'm here to tell this person that it's not just you babe. they literally are the most important relationship in the show. it's the first relationship buffy establishes with anyone in sunnydale. in prophecy girl, she goes to fight the master after she sees how upset willow is. i need to reiterate that; buffy is full-on willing to die for willow, at the end of season 1, after knowing her for maybe four months. willow is the one who resurrects buffy because she literally can't live without her. and then whenever they're in conflict it becomes the season long arc (see seasons 4 and 6). willow and buffy working together is what changes the slayer line forever.

they are the show.

[n7viper]

doing one of those otp template things and crow’s trust in mae is almost at the top. like, get some better standards king

[t1erradelfuego]

god they make me so sick

[desperatepleasures]

I'm shaking was youko's wikipedia entry written by kantarou

[idksmtms]

To Love, What A Curse (Aegon II x Little Sister!reader, Unrequited!Aemond x Little Sister!reader)

A/N: It’s taken me a week to get over Aemond’s betrayal but this was written at the height of my pain. 

Summary: (S2 episode 4 spoilers) You watch from a distance as Aemond and Vhagar send your husband and his dragon tumbling to the Earth. You land in the newly created clearing to find Aemond intent on murdering your beloved. 

Word count: 3,880

Trigger Warnings: 18+, she/her pronouns, AFAB reader, canon typical incest, INCEST, age gap between reader and siblings because I needed it for a part of the plotline but I didn’t specify it, slightly obsessive reader, ig toxic codependency between reader and Aegon, unrequited love, angst, like a lot of angst, like ANGSTTTT, believing that a main character has died, Aemond Targaryen slander, (isn’t Aemond himself a warning??), SPOILERS: S2 Ep4, kinda smut? Like I describe the female body from a sexual male gaze, probs typos  (please let me know if I missed any) 

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters. I do not claim to own any of the House of The Dragon/Fire & Blood characters. I do not own any pictures used nor do I claim to do so. 

Always appreciate comments, likes, and reblogs :)

Even as a child, Aemond sometimes believed himself incapable of love. Not in a bad way, he did not feel he lost much without it, simply that he was incapable of it. Alicent, in the rare moment she chose to spend her time with her children, would read a story all about love, and he would find he could not understand it. He simply couldn’t relate. He had warm feelings for Alicent, a certain care for Helaena to be sure, but it was always belied by a certain numbness in his heart. 

And then suddenly… there you were. In his mind you appeared out of the fire. Like a dragon rising out of the ashes it created. In reality, you had been born just as he was reaching maturity, the age when you finally started remembering things for the rest of your lifetime. He had stood outside of Alicent’s birthing chambers, anxiously waiting for her to come out and tell him everything was fine. He could hear her screams, guttural and animalistic. He had only ever heard the dragons make such sounds. And then there was silence, a long moment of silence he would never forget because he knew not whether Alicent was dead, the child dead, everyone dead but him. Then the cry of a child, loud and shrill and rather annoying. 

He had pressed his ear to the door to try and listen, but all he got was cooing and hushing and the clatter of tools and the sloshing of water. It was but ten minutes later he almost fell forward into the room when someone opened the door. Alicent lay on the bed, shining with sweat, her beautiful red hair spread out all over the pillows and her eyes closed as she took deep breaths. A nursemaid on the side beckoned him inside as she gently swayed with a bundle of cloth wrapped in her arms. He wasn’t sure who to go to at first, Alicent or the short chubby woman with red cheeks who smiled warmer than Alicent ever had. He chose the latter, his intense curiosity to see the child surely contained in the bundle of cloth in her arms far outweighing the concern he had once held for Alicent. 

The nurse maid simply handed a young Aemond a little bundle of blankets with your little baby face peeking out of it. He stared at the pinched little face, this wriggling creature that was red all over. He believed that that was the first time in his life he had felt real love. Oh, and when you grasped onto his finger with your little hand, he felt he had been placed in a hot pan to gently heat up from the inside-out. From that moment on he had loved you. He had loved you so dearly that sometimes he snuck into the nursery just to watch you sleep. 

You were small, innocent, like a fresh snowflake fallen into the palm of his hand. You were to be protected at all costs, for the rest of his life. He willingly took up the challenge. Your entire childhood seemed a collection of memories of Aemond. Aemond cheering you on as you called ‘dracarys!’ for the first time. Aemond chasing you around the halls of the red keep when you wanted to play. Aemond distracting you when Alicent couldn’t be bothered to be your mother…  

Though it began as something innocent, something brotherly and sweet, it seemed the Targaryen curse for it to grow out of control. Suddenly a few years passed and you had become a woman. And suddenly he could not keep his eyes off of you no matter how hard he tried. One night, some moons after your eighteenth nameday, he had come to your quarters to return a book he had stolen at some point during the day. Not realising that you had had a rather difficult day, that you had wished to bathe in peace, you had sent all your maids away. He had walked in on you rising from your bath. No one had been there to stop him or usher him out, and he had stood there, frozen, watching you jump and try to cover yourself with your hands before grabbing the robe left on one of the tables beside the bathtub. He had dropped his head, his remaining eye shuttering open and closed like the wings of a butterfly. A short and quick ‘my apologies’ left his mouth and he walked back out. But the image came with him. 

You, shiny and wet, glistening in the light of the fire. The sound of the water dripping off of you and back into the bathtub, little plink plink plink sounds as they hit the edges. Your hair, darkened at the edges and sticking haphazardly to the skin of your shoulders. Your breasts, your stomach, your thighs. The space between them that was just shadowed enough that he could only see the top where your lips began to separate… He could not sleep for days for fear of encountering the image again behind closed eyes, in the free land of his dreams.  

You were sweet, and kind, a bit of a miracle considering the situation you had been raised in, and it suddenly seemed an unfair expectation for him not to fall in love with you. Had you not been made for him? Crafted by the same womb to be his for eternity? You defied everyone with your kindness devoted to him. You made him smile with your smile, made him dance as you danced. You sang little songs you made up in your head and cuddled into his side so he could read to you in High Valyrian. You seemed just as attached to him as he was to you. You were perfect… except for one thing. What he considered your fatal flaw. Your unending, almost obsessive devotion to Aegon. 

Mayhaps you had had the same effect on Aegon as you had had with him. Maybe it was simply that you had slowly made Aegon partial to you by being that sweet creature that you were. Though he believed anything possible when it came to you, he was never quite sure how you had changed Aegon. If not for everyone, but at least for you. It was obvious to the eyes of those who could view into House Targaryen that Aegon, described by his closest family as a hedonistic wastrel, cared for you, took care of you, hid from you all the deficiencies of his character. No one could make head or tail of it. How did you differ from Helaena or Aemond or even distant Daeron? You, conceived exactly the same way as the others, related to him exactly the same way as the others, were no different to the siblings he already had. But he thought Helaena weird, thought Aemond a rather pathetic and easy target, didn’t think of Daeron at all, and viewed the rest of his life as an excuse to get drunk. Aemond believed it to be your kindness that, if capable of piercing his own stony disposition, could easily curl up around Aegon’s fragile heart and devote him to you.  

In truth, out of all of his siblings, you had simply been the one to truly love Aegon, whether he wanted it or not. You seemed to make up for all the love he lacked from every other person in his life. You saw him as the eldest, the one to look up to, the one to lavish with love and devotion in your position as the youngest. He would be the one to protect you, the one to treat you as his littlest and most loved one. Wishful or not, all the stories told you that this was his position. Though Aemond spent most of his time looking after you, being the protector, you did not seem to hold him in esteem for it. He was simply there. 

At first, Aegon had failed in these expectations of yours. He had not bothered to spend time with you, not bothered to indulge in the love you so freely offered him. He believed you were just another creature created by Alicent to look down upon him. Another person to disappoint with his shortcomings. He later considered those his lowest moments. But then he had seen the way your face fell when he had shooed you away, saw the way tears collected at the corners of your eyes when you offered him a flower and he had barely turned. Slowly, he began to humour you, smiling widely when you offered him the flower once more. Not shooing you away anymore, but simply telling you that he would come find you when he was available to do it. He pressed kisses to your little cheeks and tickled your stomach. And with this care returned, your devotion grew. 

He remembered vividly the first time he had truly noticed not only how much he cared for you, but how much you seemed to care for him in return. He had taken the blame for you once, when Alicent had walked into her living quarters and found a jug of wine spilled all over the floor. You had dropped it in your bid to reach up and grab it, hoping to sip from the jug though you weren’t allowed wine yet. Aegon had claimed it was him, that he was too drunk to see properly (when in fact he had been sober for the first time in a long time). He had been sent to bed without being allowed any dinner, and Alicent had raged at him for twenty minutes about his lack of duty, respect, propriety. But then you had snuck to his room after everyone had gone to bed with two plates filled to the brim with food. He felt he had never eaten better in his entire life. You had sat with him, giggling then shushing yourself as you looked up at him starry eyed. You seemed to give him all the kindness and love you possessed in your body, and he was ready to take. Frankly, he had nowhere else to get it from anyway. 

Maybe some part of you had always believed that you and Aegon were meant for each other, but you truly seemed to realise it the night Aemond read you the Targaryen histories. He had started at the beginning, telling you all about Aegon the Conqueror and his sister-wives. You had sat up on his bed, pulling out from under his arm and turning to face him as you listened, enraptured. As Aemond spoke of the love Aegon bestowed upon Rhaenys, you thought of your Aegon. Of course, it all made sense now, you were destined. He was Aegon, and you would be his sister-wife, his Rhaenys, meant to be as it was in the greatest of histories. 

When your dragons mated, your beauty and his Sunfyre, it felt cemented into fate. It would have to be so. The gods had deemed it. When Otto and the council began clamouring for the children to be married, particularly Aegon, Alicent had gone to pray every day in the sept for a fortnight before allowing your betrothal. You secretly believed that she was praying for the gods to intervene somehow but you knew they were the ones that had chosen this. 

When your betrothal was announced, it was the first time neither you nor he had complained about a decision made by Alicent or the council. Alicent had called all of you to her chambers, Aegon, Helaena, Aemond, and you, to announce it, and neither you nor Aegon had a word to say in dissent. You had simply turned to each other and nodded, little hidden smiles only visible in the dancing of your eyes. Of course neither of you noticed the way Aemond clenched his fists behind his back, or the stony glare he switched between Alicent and Aegon. He had come over, kissed you on the cheek and whispered his congratulations as you hugged him animatedly.  

Aegon had even kissed you for the first time the night of your betrothal ball, hidden in an alcove at the darkest part of the night, hands buried in your hair, tilting your head back and pressing his mouth to yours as if he wanted to devour you starting at the lips. He had whispered ‘I love you’s’ in your ear the entire evening and you danced with no one else. 

Aemond was not sure when you broke his heart the most. When you had gushed to him all evening about your elation at being betrothed to Aegon, when you had seemingly forgotten his existence the night of your betrothal ball, or the evening you announced you were pregnant with Jahaerys and Jahaera. 

People seemed to tread carefully around you after Jahaerys’s death. You believed this to be the reason you found out too late that Aegon had taken off to Rook’s Rest. 

Every day, at some random point in the day, you would seek out Aegon, and the both of you would sit curled up together eating biscuits, drinking wine, and comforting each other. In the aftermath of Jahaerys’s death you had thought that was a necessity lest he try and run from you in his grief. Though he had still bludgeoned the man to death, had still had all the ratcatchers hanged, you were simply happy that he did not hide from you. 

In that spirit, you had gone in search of him, only to find out he had left an hour ago to chase down the battle after conversing with Alicent. You were forced to waste a little more time to change into your riding clothes as your beauty was saddled, though you had abandoned the attempts of your ladies maids trying to pull an extra blouse over your head. You wore only a simple tunic over your chemise and ran for the dragonpit. 

You weren’t quite sure why the gods wanted to punish you so. Your baby, little Jahaerys, was his death not enough? You were late, but not late enough to be spared the vision from a distance of Aemond commanding Vhagar to attack Sunfyre and Aegon. Your heart was in your throat, choking you. Your grip on the reins loosened, and as you watched Sunfyre tumble down from the sky, your dragon shrieked and began flying even faster. You heard the crash, even from how far you were. Your hands were sweaty and cold, and suddenly you wanted nothing more than to be off the dragon. You began unclipping yourself from the saddle, ready to slip off and plummet to the ground. Your mind was running so fast you couldn’t grasp a thought, only saw what you saw, heard what you heard, and felt what you felt. There were no words. But you stopped yourself, clipped yourself back in, and let yourself be brought ever closer to Aegon in whatever condition you would find him. 

Aemond watched the forest floor burn around Aegon without a single feeling. He watched the embers on Aegon’s body, sizzling away at his hair and skin. He watched the soot gather on Aegon’s armour, watched Sunfyre huff and writhe in pain as the fire continued its relentless assault all over their bodies. He did not feel anything. No remorse, no fear, no sadness. There was no happiness either, no joy or elation. There was simply nothing. 

His sword was in his hand, pulled mostly out of the scabbard, when he heard rustling behind him. He turned slightly, just enough so his remaining eye could gaze on the intruder, and he saw you. At first he blinked, once and then twice to be sure you were there and not a mirage in the heat. But then he saw the way you were looking at him, the creases around your eyes and mouth as you gasped, mouth agape in pain. Your breaths were ragged, and you were still mostly hidden in the brush, but he could see your face so clearly, as if you had been outlined against the shrubbery. The face that he had watched grow out of its baby fat and into the shape of the young woman that you were. The face that had once smiled brightly in his direction and sought him out for comfort. The face that he had loved so dearly. The face that now burned with rage. 

“You-you traitor! You coward! You have no loyalty, no respect!” You sounded almost hysterical as you spoke, clambering over shrubbery and shattered branches. Aemond stared at you as you screamed at the top of your lungs, each word laced with the deepest pain one could possibly experience, a half-sob half-choking sound. Your cheeks were bright red and shiny with sweat, you had shed your riding coat and your grey pants were covered in sap from clambering over a tree trunk. Aemond thought you had never looked more beautiful. “You truly are self-serving, and-and cruel.” Each word hit him in the chest as if Vhagar was breathing fire directly at him. He would not care if it had not been you saying these words. His grip on his sword tightened as he watched you begin to shed tears (though you already had dried tracks down your cheeks), hurrying around and looking for a way through the circle of fire around Aegon and Vhagar. You turned to him for a moment, a singular moment, and his heart stopped dead at the way your face was contorted in pain and anger and pure hatred. Your eyebrows knitted by a crease above your nose bridge, your mouth pulling back at the corners and your eyes burning like wildfire. “You’re a monster.” 

The word seemed to echo in the forest, even above the sound of the fire. His mouth was slightly open, his breaths heaving as he stared at you with a sense of his body crumbling. Not once in the entire battle had he felt this close to devastation. Not once in his life. Even in the darkest nightmares he experienced, not once did he ever imagine you saying these words to him, to look at him so… 

Aemond had not once cared about Aegon’s wellbeing in his entire life. Even now, he did not care about it. If Aegon died he would not shed a tear. In all honesty, he would be more inclined to smile, but watching you walk through fire to get to that manic drunk’s body sent a spear through his heart. Why? Why were you so willing to succumb to your own death for that fool? Why, throughout your entire lives have you always chosen Aegon, when he was standing right here, ready, rather, impatient, to love you? He would have raised his sword and begun walking again, a certain defiance suddenly filling him to the brim, had it not been for the way you began to wail at the sight of Aegon. 

It was a wail of death. He did not think a person was capable of this sound. Around him in the forest, another high keening sound began. It was your dragon, head raised to the sky, mouth open and roaring like the pain was within her. Then, behind him, with the very ground rumbling as she rose, Vhagar raised her head to the sky and roared so loud that legend states it was heard from the Wall to the southernmost tip of Dorne. Even Sunfyre, with his last breaths, keened in pain and joined the cacophony. Aemond pressed his hands to his ears and waited for it to cease. A war was being waged on him, inside and out. 

He closed his eyes, trying to forget you, forget the pain you inflicted on him simply by being in pain, but the gods would not let him. 

You were on the floor now, hands shaking as you reached out to pull Aegon’s half-singed body onto your lap. You were caressing his hair, rocking back and forth and crying salty tears directly onto his wounds. Aemond could not move. However much he wanted to walk toward you, wanted to walk away from you, the gods had set him to his place. You turned your head up to look at him through the fire, shaking and hiccuping. Your eyes were so full with tears that he could only see light reflected in them. 

“What did you hope to get out of this?!” You sobbed, almost screaming with the pain. It was minutes before you could even speak again.“Did you expect I would suddenly love you? Did you think you could buy me with a crown?” 

There it was, finally out in the open. The truth both of you had danced around since you had become of marrying age. You had known, of course you had known, though he had never been overly blatant about it, it was obvious that he had favoured you. The night your betrothal to Aegon had been announced, Aemond had gone to Alicent to beg her to change it, to offer Aegon Helaena's hand instead. But she had been adamant. His grandsire and Viserys had stated that it would be best for Aegon to marry a sister, prattle about emulating Aegon the Conqueror and preserving the purity of the King’s bloodline. It made sense to marry him to the youngest. Helaena could still be used to marry for advantage, a second child but first daughter held more sway. 

He could see that secretly his mother was happy to betroth Aegon to you. She didn’t want her youngest daughter to leave. She was by far more attached to you than any of her other children, and if you hadn’t married Aegon you would’ve been sent off. One marriage between siblings was enough, the rest were simply assets in a bigger game. 

Now, as Aemond looked at you, he could see none of the love you had once bestowed on him. The face he had once longed to caress, the lips he had once wished to kiss, all appalled at the sight of him. You had never sneered at him this way before, never even turned your face or voice to him in a negative way before. Maybe this was a nightmare, and soon he would wake up, sweating and panting and looking around with fright, before seeking you out, happy to discover that you were still unmarried, and ready to cuddle him to sleep.

You clung to Aegon even tighter as you glared at Aemond through your tears, just a blurry black spot in a sea of green. “If I was even capable of loving a creature like you before you did this,” you spat with such venomous rage that even Vhagar bristled behind Aemond. “I am incapable of it now.” You turned your head back down to Aegoon, and seemed to curl your body around him like a dragon curling over her eggs. The edges of your dress caught fire and slowly began to burn but you let it, not even feeling the heat. 

Ser Criston found the three of you like that, as if suspended in time. 

Taglist: @summerposie, @izuoyarmin 

A/n: Tell me. Was Aemond or Reader right about why Alicent didn’t refuse the betrothal between reader and Aegon? 

[denwritesandcries]

The Wilderness Wants Us To (Kiss) – YJS

Pairing: poly!yellowjackets x fem!reader

Summary: You have experienced all kinds of weirdness ever since the plane crashed months ago, so why the weirdest thing so far is it seems like all the girls are suddenly courting you? 

Or, a series of kisses between you and your dear football team.

Word count: 4,6k.

Content: cursing, kisses, fluff, suggestive, angst if you blink, slightly dark, intoxication, the doomcoming, the wilderness but nobody has been eaten (yet).

Note: They’re all weirdos in a romantic, toxic and codependent way.

English is not my first language.

Your life has stagnated into a familiar routine since the plane crash. To clean. Hunt. Eat. Exist. Survive. Doing the same chores in the cabin, the usual hunting trip, seeing the same faces every day, not dying of hunger.  Not dying of boredom.

Nothing really seems to change other than the cultish trends that your friends seem to be slowly embracing, so if something different happens, you notice it immediately.

Once is an incidence.

Two, it could be a coincidence, but there are no coincidences in the wilderness.

Three is a pattern. That exists in the wilderness.

And the fourth is proof that there is definitely something weird going on – if you even have a sense of what is normal or not –, something that you have no idea what it is, but you know it’s there.

There's something wrong with your teammates. I mean, there's something wrong with all of you, but that's different even for them.

The thing is that you, thinking that maybe it was just in your head, only realized that you weren't imagining anything after the fifth time it happened and now that you know you can't stop thinking about it. Events keep coming back to you from times when this has happened before and you never connected the pieces.

You didn't notice at first, of course you didn't. Physical affection was becoming more common and normal between all of you every day and also because it was Jackie, the captain of your team, and physical affection on Jackie's part was already completely normal even before the plane crashed. She liked to pat you on the shoulder and hug you goodbye after classes and parties – as if she hadn't spent the day barking orders at everyone during practice, but it's Jackie and you really like her a lot, so it's okay –, you could always see her clinging to Shauna's arm, if not hers, then whoever was closest to replace her for a few minutes. Jackie likes to touch and you know it.

Receiving affection from her is like second nature, so you don't even blink when, on yet another boring and lazy afternoon, you give Jackie her old walkman, now repaired and working, and get a kiss as a thank you.

It was a silly treat to make her smile, just because she seemed so sad lately that it made you sad too. She squeals loudly and excitedly, before wrapping her arms around your neck and placing a kiss on your cheek.

She immediately runs off somewhere saying she was going to test it and show it to Shauna, completely abandoning the task of pretending to chop wood so you can complete it.

You only process what just happened when you hear a giggling coming from nearby, because of course Jackie would kiss you in front of your younger colleagues.  One of them points at your cheek provocatively and you lift a hand to your face to feel the texture of pink and shiny lipstick marking your skin. Of course, silly you not to assume that Jackie Taylor wouldn't stop wearing makeup just because of some plane crash.

Whatever, you thought, not bothering to clean the mark. Jackie is sweet. She does things like that all the time, obviously you wouldn't think there's anything weird about it. It wasn't even the first time she kissed you. Kisses on the cheek were a thing long before you left civilization.

You only wipe the stain from your face, in a short and hasty gesture, when you return to the cabin and Mari makes one of her smart comments about it, because there really was no big deal, but the provocation still makes you a little nervous.

(Jackie wears lipstick a lot more often after that, even though she's quickly running out of the only one she has left, but you don't say anything. It would be really weird to imply that you noticed her lips that much. Which you didn't do, no way.)

The second time it happens shouldn't have left you as perplexed as it did, after all everyone knew that Shauna Shipman was never far behind Jackie in the things she did, but it didn't pass through your head that she would kiss you. It was Shauna. Even though she was never rude, you weren't really close and it was embarrassing to admit that you found her a little intimidating. She had a tendency to stare in silence for a long time, which made you avoid conversations whenever you could.

Well, it wasn't a kiss-kiss since it wasn't actually on the mouth, but seeing as you weren't expecting it at all, it could have been. You're learning that reading Shauna is much more complicated than it seems, making it difficult to know if what awaits you is a punch, a bite, or – the most recent discovery – a kiss.

It happened because of the thing that seemed to drive your little society: meat. Because the food was almost running out and no matter what you and Natalie brought, it seemed like there would never be enough. And Shauna was hungry. Painfully hungry.

She always seemed to get hungry more quickly than the others, craving meat with an almost drunken need and you didn't quite understand why, even though you had noticed this detail some time ago. So when you and Nat are seen arriving back at the cabin carrying a deer, a big deer, Shauna practically runs up to the two of you, basically ripping the antler out of the blonde's hands and making you stumble to follow her back to the meat house.

You offer to help her just out of politeness and how rushed she seems, without expecting a positive response since it was common knowledge that Shauna preferred to work alone.

However, she nods her head enthusiastically as she hands you a knife and you swear you've never seen someone look so happy to slit an animal's throat alongside someone else.

When the task is done, you end up at the door with a full tray ready to be prepared for dinner back and Shauna is right behind you, with that same enthusiasm and silent yearning. It's a little unnerving, but at least she's not staring at the back of your head like she's trying to burn you like she usually does. You guessed any progress was welcome.

You just didn't expect it to progress to Shauna pulling you by the elbow to face her and tilting your face towards hers. You're so startled by the sudden touch that you only feel your face heat up as hot, wet lips meet the corner of your mouth when Shauna pulls away, taking the tray from your hands as if it weighed nothing and continuing on her way, muttering a quiet and embarrassed “thank you” over her shoulder.

You stood there like an idiot, feeling your bottom lip and part of your cheek tingle where she touched you just a moment before.

So Shauna kissed you. Okay. Nice. Maybe she was just very grateful and very hungry. Twice, coincidence. Nothing more than that.

 Right?

(Shauna looks away from you when she's caught staring at that night, which never had happened, but you attribute her red face to the fact that you're sitting by the fire.)

The third time is the one that makes you go “okay, maybe that's a thing now,” because apparently the kisses have nothing to do with Jackie-Shauna or simply gratitude – at least not entirely – and much more to do with the fact that it's you.

Which actually doesn't make much sense. Van and Taissa are together, why would either of them feel the need to kiss someone else? Why would they both feel?  And why you? It's true they haven't told anyone yet, but you know. It's a little hard not to notice when they both disappear at the same time into the forest or behind the cabin so often, but still. You don't kiss other people when you're committed. It's a principle, damn it.

Anyway, it's starting to get cold, you think there's just over two months left until winter arrives, maybe less, which makes tasks much more complicated and annoying to do. Especially when it comes to washing clothes.

Luck – Mari's damn shuffle – decided that you, Tai and Van would be the ones to do the laundry this time and the three of you dragged yourselfs grumbling and complaining to the lake, carrying piles of clothes in your arms.

Now, of all the things you have to do around the cabin, scrubbing clothes in cold running water is probably the one you hate the most. Cold, wrinkled hands, chills running down your spine, ew. The fact that Van and Tai went with you makes things at least a little less boring, with the redhead happily filling the silence, her silly jokes making the task almost bearable to accomplish. Almost.

“Ugh,” You groan for what feels like the thousandth time in the last hour, “We’re gonna end up catching a cold like this.”

“You definitely will, if you keep annoying me like this,” Tai replies, swinging her arm towards you, cold water splashing in your arms, “I'm gonna push your dramatic ass into the river, I'm warning you.”

The drops make another chill run through your body, so just for the audacity, you straighten up and let your body fall against hers with the most done expression you can muster in a few seconds.

Tai screams your name indignantly when a wet t-shirt slips out of her hands and falls straight to the ground, but you don't pay much attention when lets out a loud and exaggeratedly long sigh, hearing Van’s laugh as she watches the scene.

And Van, wonderful, too sweet for her own good, Van, decides to finally take pity on your little show – maybe you really were spending too much time with Jackie – and finish what you had left of your part of the pile and you would definitely have jumped in her arms and kissed her for it, if you weren't, you know, in front of her girlfriend.

It turns out that blinking your eyes and sighing doesn't work as well for you as it does for Jackie, because as soon as you get ready to go back, bending down to pick up the heavy basket full of clothes, a familiar hand pushes your chest.

“Shit, Taissa!”

“I said I would do it, didn’t I?” She stands in front of you, hands on her hips and one eyebrow raised as she watches your form lying, shaking and soaking wet at the river's edge.

Van's laugh doesn't bring you that rush of happiness from moments before, since now you're sure that she only decided to help you because she knew what Tai was going to do anyway. That little shit.

You walk past them with the basket in your hands, a trail of water in your wake and a frown on your face.

The way back is completely silent, except for the sound of your fast breathing in your rush to get there and warm up and the girls' requests for you not to get upset over a silly joke. Whatever. You won't say a word to them no matter what they do.

“Oh, come on,” Van wraps an arm around your neck, “We didn’t want to make you so upset, right Tai?”

Tai moves closer, her shoulder brushing against yours, but you remain quiet regardless, even if your willpower to remain upset wanes a little.

“Right” she agrees, sounding very unconvincing, “What can we do to make it up to you?”

“We are so sorry,” Van reiterates, blinking innocently.

Your only response is a noise from your throat that sounds a lot like a petulant mumble and you feel the look they exchange over your shoulder.

And then Van's arm brings you closer and there are lips on either side of your neck. You freeze, breath hitches.

It's not fast like the other ones, but long and drawn out as if it's trying to prove you. A shiver runs down your spine and the baby hairs on the back of your neck stand up, even though you swear it's just because your skin is still damp from the fall. You can feel Van's hair tickling your face and Tai's breath is warm against your chin.

You blink and Van is walking away with a wolfish smile on her lips, whistling absentmindedly and Taissa has the basket you were carrying in her own arms.

“Aren’t you coming?” Van turns when she notices you still standing and Tai arches an eyebrow, as if to say 'so?' and you stumble after them.

“...Sure, whatever!” You stutter, face as red as your goalie’s hair, “But if I get sick, that’s on you!”

“You won’t!”

You return to the cabin with your head down, but for a completely different reason this time. You feel weird, embarrassed, even with your friends walking calmly beside you. It feels weird to just call them friends too.

(Three times – or was it four? It's a pattern. Definitely a pattern.)

You do, in fact, get sick and the fifth time feels more like a fever dream than anything.

Seriously. You survive a plane crash without any serious injuries, but a flu is what knocks you out. You end up in the attic, with a heavy chest, incessant sneezing and a high fever that won't let you sleep.

And of course, Misty Quigley hovering over you like a hawk.

In fact, all your friends seem to be hovering over you in an overprotective way these days, which might not be strange considering the situation, but other people in the group have gotten sick before, including the younger ones, and none of them have reacted like this.

Van and Tai spent the entire time staring like kicked puppies from across the room until Misty kicked them both downstairs so you could try to get some sleep. It wasn't doing much good, but the momentary tranquility was really appreciated.

Misty has been with you the whole time since your fever started and you let her ramble happily while she plays nurse, putting damp cloths on your forehead and helping you drink hot tea, even though you insist you're well enough to do so. She seems very happy to be helpful, so you let her spoil you as much as she wants.

You turn over on the cold floor, wrapping the blankets tighter around you as you sneeze again and Misty sits next to you, but there's nothing she can do at the moment to make you better, so she stays still, looking nervous and pushing her glasses on the tip of the nose with her fingers.

You think about how she seemed to have looked with longing and something that might have been envy when Jackie ran her hand through your hair in the morning before going outside with Shauna after leaving you another blanket. She looked the same when Lottie rubbed your shoulder gently and spent time by your side throughout the afternoon, leaving what appeared to be a half-cut crystal near where your head rested. It's just like she wanted something, but didn't know what or if she could do it. You don't know exactly what too.

Your ears ring and you think about your teammates, your friends and kisses. Four kisses on three occasions. Things that didn't happen before, but apparently happen now and that follow a strange pattern. You wonder who will be next to follow it.

You do what you do next in the fog of sleep and fever, because you'll never be able to actually sleep if you don't have a proper place to rest your head. It has nothing to do with the possibility opened in your last thought.

Her legs are soft under the blue and yellow shorts she wears when you crawl around and rest your head on them and it's certainly much more comfortable than the floor.

“Talk,” You mumble, clearing your throat at the hoarse voice.

“What?” She squeaks and you can tell it caught her in surprise by the way her eyes roam over your form, unsure of what she just heard and what's going on.

Misty is clearly alarmed, arms raised above her body as if she's afraid to touch you, her glasses falling onto the tip of her nose again as she looks down to face you, blonde curls falling across her face.

“What– What are you doing?” She asks.

“Weren’t you saying something about Plato?” You hold back a yawn as you fix yourself on her lap, ignoring her question completely, “Come on, keep going.”

She seems to ponder for a second, jaw dropped in confusion, but you don't move, so she picks up where you assume she left off. After a few minutes listening with your eyes closed, you feel her soft hand rest hesitantly on your back, running her fingers up and down when you don't protest.

You let out a sigh when you finally manage to relax, her voice calming the ringing in your ears a little and when you squint your eyes, Misty seems perfectly satisfied.

That's it, you think, that's what she wanted then.

Your body still has sporadic chills, but you feel like falling asleep, having lost track of how much time has passed with Misty talking to the walls about whoever the philosopher of the moment is. Your head feels heavy, you can barely keep your eyes open. It's good not to be alone when you're like this.

You're not sure whether or not you imagine the cold lips against your warm forehead when you sleep, but it counts as success for your little test. Five.

(You only wake up the next morning, feeling much better and more energetic, even without remembering a single word you said to Misty, just having fallen asleep on her lap for a while. The way she blushes and laughs after that, staring and following you around whenever she can, says that she remembers it very well. Coach Ben gives you a look full of sympathy when he sees her clinging to your arm, which you don't quite understand.)

The sixth time happens in the middle of the forest. It's windy, sun almost down, with Natalie walking beside you. It's the most peaceful moment you've had in your life in weeks, and it's also the moment you realize that maybe there's something wrong with you as much as the rest of the team.

Nat is talking, complaining about how Travis – the closest thing she'll have to a boyfriend in this place – is mad at her. He won't hunt or talk to her, much less touch her.

That's why you're following her, actually, the hunting part. You don't have much sense of your place in the group compared to the others, doing a little bit of everything when necessary, but Natalie seems to enjoy your company on these occasions, even if your aim with the rifle isn't as good as hers.

You spend so much time listening to her complain about mundane things like condoms and the flask of old booze she found in dead-mummified-guy's stuff that you feel the absurd urge to laugh. It's so strangely normal – except for the mummy part, but still.

Maybe that was what made you open your mouth after minutes of silence and broken snorts:

“So he can't get it up once and now he's mad at you? Damn Nat, if you need someone to make out that badly then I could help you with that.”

It comes out half as a mockery, half as truth, because that's what you do. Help people, fix things. But it's sarcastic, because it's just a stupid idea for Natalie to even consider.

Except she suddenly goes quiet and when you turn your head, she's looking at you. Eyes half-closed, mouth open, wanting.

When she kisses you, you're already waiting, longing for it, arms wrapping around you and pressing your body against the nearest tree. You think about how she was the only one who had the courage to chase your lips, to take what she really wanted.

The only thing you can feel is the weight of Nat's hands – cold, always so cold, even though winter is still a while away – on your hips, one sliding up your back to grasp the hair at the back of your neck, lips parting and tongue finding yours almost desperately and then you can't think about anything else but her. Natalie, who is much stronger than she looks and who also holds her own to stay sane in this place much better than anyone could imagine. Natalie, the bane of your existence and also your best friend. Natalie, who kisses like she hunts: with all the confidence her reputation demands.

If you close your eyes tightly and try hard, you can almost pretend you're at one of Lottie or Jeff's parties, listening to your friend complain about a stupid boyfriend, getting euphoric because she likes you better than the said stupid boyfriend.

And then she's pulling away, mouth swollen and hair completely messed up from where your hands had been placed. The moment ends and you come back to reality, picking up the rifle from where it was lying on the grass and looking around uncertainly. You guys didn't catch anything today. Food is running out.

You return to the cabin in complete silence.

(You don't see Natalie trying to talk to Travis after this, nor him with her, but you don't think she cares.)

You stopped counting after that, kisses and touches becoming a blur in your mind as the days pass and your worry increases. Whatever this is seems less important than what's happening at the moment: little food, few coats, winter approaching, a fucking baby coming.

However, it all comes back to them anyway, when you finally realize that you were right all along, that there really was something wrong with all of you and everything goes south quickly when someone decides to put mushrooms in the food.

It was an unspoken knowledge between you that the Yellowjackets would never be able to have a proper homecoming, so when the idea of a ​​doomcoming came up in the conversation, even as a bad joke, you were one of the first to agree to it. A bittersweet goodbye sounded better than nothing.

You just didn't expect everyone to end up on drugs and acting like they were in some kind of cult. What did you miss that got you all to this point?

There is someone howling in the forest. Someone, not an animal. Or maybe they really were animals, given the way they're all chasing you now.

Just a moment ago you were genuinely enjoying the night, dancing with Ravi to Lottie's humming music and drinking fermented punch for who knows how long, even with a small feeling of being watched sent shivers down your spine at times. Then there was no sign of Ravi or Travis – nor Coach Ben, but he escaped somewhere in the woods with Natalie's canteen in his hand the second Misty's back was turned – and things started to get... confusing after everyone helped themselves to some stew.

Now there's someone howling in the forest and your head is spinning, hurried footsteps sound behind you as you end up back in front of the cabin after running in circles, a rabbit cornered by an entire pack.

Leaves are stuck in your hair, the hem of your dress is torn and covered in dirt, and you're sure you scraped one of your knees while running. There are also a bunch of dilated pupils focused on you.

Shauna is the first to approach, which surprises you so much that it gives the others time to do the same, big, sad, hazy brown eyes seeming to see deep into your soul.

“Why do you keep running away from us?” she asks, a pout that you can't tell if it's fake or not formed on her face, sliding a hand gently up your arm to your waist pulling you close and keeping her grip tight.

Jackie has her head cocked to the side and a smile painted red rather than pale pink like the first. She looks a little more composed than you'd expect, standing next to Shauna and bouncing in her step expectantly.

That was all it took to realize that you couldn't pull away even if you wanted to, melting against the scalding skin as if you had no problem getting burned.

“I'm not. I just… I don’t know what’s going on.”

The words came out slow and slurred on your tongue as if you didn't know exactly what you were referring to.  This whole crazy night? Absolutely, but there are also so many other moments not recognized before.

You find yourself guided back to the cabin when you hear Lottie's voice in the background and Misty taking your hand to guide you. It all ends up there anyway.

You're unsure when you're placed in the pile of blankets and sheets on the floor, the lit fireplace warms the room like never before and there seem to be hands everywhere when Natalie enters your field of vision.

“I think you're a little too high right now, hun,” Nat scoffs, as if she's amused by your slowness.

You feel a laugh grow in your chest though you don't mean to, “You– you think so?”

“Yep,” she clicks her tongue, “The mushrooms hit hard.”

“Mushrooms!?” You let out a squeak of surprise when you're suddenly pulled back against someone's front, recognizing Taissa's nails scratching your back through your dress.

“'M sorry." Misty mutters disjointedly, tracing the lines of your palm like it's the most interesting thing in the world.

“What–”

You stop mid-sentence when you make a sound in the back of your throat as you feel Van's teeth graze the junction of your shoulder and neck, bright green eyes and a wolfish smile on her recently healed face. You knew right away who the hell was howling.

“Oh, come on,” Van echoes with the same provocation from the day in the lake, “Don't tell me you're afraid of It.”

“It?” Your breath hitches when a hand guides your head up and there she is.

Lottie Matthews looking down at you, an antler crown on her head that makes you slack-jawed and hazy looking, looking completely divine and you hesitate when you realize that the entire team has gathered around you, as if they were waiting for something. What the fuck is going on?

Lottie leans down to your level, face dangerously close to you, and you swallow hard when your eyes settle on her lips. She never kissed you, not like the others, something that always left a doubt in your head; an almost embarrassing curiosity to know what it would be like.

She meets your eyes with a malicious gleam, like she knows exactly what you're thinking and leans in a little more and just as you close your eyes to meet hers, hunger lips stray to your jaw.

“Lottie–” you squirm and the hands on your hips hold you tighter.

Nat silences you, running her fingers through your face provocatively while Lottie trails kisses down your neck, working her way down. Everything seems too stuffy, like you're melting at their touch.

“It's okay.” She reassures, cold, chapped lips finding your chest, teeth scraping the skin, “It wants us to, can't you feel It?”

You can't feel it, not really, you never understood this strange connection everyone seemed to feel with the wilderness that you didn't, but there are gentle hands caressing you, making you sink deeper and deeper and Lottie is finally kissing you, just like you wanted; lips stopping right over your heart, as if she wanted to devour it.

“Yeah." You say, “I feel it.”

You're sure the cabin is on fire, but you're the only one who's burning.

[joeldjarinmylove]

my favorite thing ever is if sam and dean somehow get through their entire lives without crossing the line into sexual acts, until they move into the bunker.

like maybe sometime from s11-s14, they've been toxic codependent freaks since childhood but they haven't kissed, fucked, or done much else beyond a slightly-longer-than-normal hug after a near death experience.

but one night they're in the dean cave watching reruns of some show from when they were kids, both slightly tipsier than they'd like to be.

sam of course being the lightweight of the two, gets touchier and cuddlier in the darkness of the room, just the two of them, and all is right with the world.

sam doesn't know what comes over him, but he looks at dean, the light from the tv illuminating his face, and leans in. surprisingly (or not so much), dean follows suit.

their lips press together, ever so lightly, just a graze at first because both of them are still hesitant. but after a second or two, dean takes the leap and fully leans in, reaching up to rest one of his hands at the nape of sam's neck and the other on his hip. sam grips onto deans flannel, fearful that he'll pull away.

it's as if the final puzzle piece is falling into place. dean feels at peace for the first time in over a decade, and sam is overwhelmed with emotion, his eyes welling up as he reluctantly pulls himself away.

"dean," sam chokes out.

"sammy..." dean pulls sam even closer, pressing him up against his front, and brings his right hand up from his neck to push some of sam's bangs out of his eyes.

"i-i'm so sorry, dean-i didn't-"

"sam, sammy, shhh. it's okay, i know. you don't h've to say anything, i know." sam's eyes are shining with unshed tears, and dean notices he's ever-so-slightly shaking, so he pulls him in for a second sweet press of their lips, this one only barely longer than a peck.

"it's just you and me, sammy. we don't have to talk about it."

sam closes his eyes and leans his forehead against dean's, bringing both of his hands from dean's chest to cup his cheeks, "are you sure, de?"

"why didn't we do this sooner?" dean asks as he leans in once again. sammy is dean's everything, the one person that he would choose over everyone and everything. their lives are already fucked up, so why not one more thing to add to the winchester resume?

it's the most natural thing in the world; they already own every other part of each other, so sharing a kiss or two here and there is rightfully the next step.

but of course, it doesn't stop at kissing. sam and dean curl up next to each other on the couch for the rest of the night, and they haven't slept in separate beds since.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

On Ed and Izzy's relationship

I see the "Izzy was the cunning mastermind manipulator in their relationship while Ed was his helpless innocent victim" take is doing the rounds again...

I honestly just feel sorry for anyone who can't comprehend and appreciate their relationship with its full complexity and nuance. Because it was simply magnificent. S01E04 alone is a masterpiece in character study that encapsulated their mutually toxic dynamic at its peak, and switching the character whose perspective you're watching it from completely switches what it looks like and who seems to be in the wrong. That episode was pure, beautiful, fucked up tragedy. They're both talking past each other. They both refuse to listen. Ed is crying out for help, but Izzy shuts him down. Ed wants to enjoy all those new fun original things on the ship that make him appreciate life again, but Izzy keeps nagging him. Clearly he's just an annoying, mean, insensitive buzzkill, right?

Except the whole time Izzy's terrified they are going to die because they're about to be attacked by the Spanish - something Ed brought upon them with his decision - and Ed seems completely disinterested in doing anything about it. Of course he's not going to indulge Edward playing with a toy ship or have a heart-to-heart in those circumstances. He doesn't insult or mock Ed for being suicidal, he simply points out that they're literally going to die if he doesn't come up with a plan right now. Meanwhile Ed's deliberately withholding crucial information from his own first mate and the rest of the crew, either (less charitable interpretation) for his own entertainment or to flex his skills or (slightly more charitable interpretation) to make a point to Stede.

The rest of it was so masterfully balanced out too. Right up until the point where Izzy betrayed them to the Navy, he didn't actually do anything wrong. Yes, he was still wrong - but so was Ed. Izzy was the "lawful evil". He was the one playing by the rules, while Ed was trying to cheat his way out of having to make a decision. Trying to run away from his problems instead of confronting them head-on (or just crashing into the opposite extreme and trying to violence his way out of his feelings) was literally the major theme of Ed's character. So was his inability to form meaningful relationships without bolting or lashing out the moment he encounters an obstacle. Completely removing this from the equation while putting all the blame on Izzy simply destroys Ed's agency and character depth.

We were literally given a glimpse of his childhood abuse to see where his trauma originated. It wasn't Izzy. Nor was it Izzy who appeared as the embodiment of Ed's self-hatred in the gravy basket. Izzy didn't somehow singlehandedly isolate Ed from forming meaningful relationships with people. He never had this much power over Ed. Their relationship was mutually toxic and codependent, but neither of them was each other's slave, they still had their own mind. We saw Ed constantly ignoring Izzy's advice and his judgment. We literally only saw it work when Izzy had the backup of other crew members and got overruled, and when he struck out at Ed when he was at his weakest and most vulnerable. And Ed wasted no time reestablishing the power dynamic in his favour, where it stayed until they managed to symbolically-and-almost-literally kill each in S02E02. That's what it took. That's how powerful their fucked up toxic relationship was.

That's exactly what I don't get about Ed fans who are Izzy haters (or misunderstanders). They claim to love Ed... and then they strip him of all the darkness and complexity and anything even remotely "unpalatable" that makes him such a richly realised character, and turn him into a cardboard cutout who's so indefensible as a character that the only way they can prevent people from criticising him is by pulling out the racism card. Which is so ironic and absurd because OFMD is amazing at diversity and writing characters equally well no matter what their gender, sexuality or skin colour is. It's also literally a show about one of history's most famous pirates. If someone doesn't want to see PoC characters portrayed behaving violently (even when that violence is shown to be caused by trauma and general pirate lifestyle and not indicative of their moral worth as a person), then OFMD probably isn't for them.

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "Who are/will be your friends"

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read about how your friends see you and/or how you may be meeting your new friends and what they will think about you/how they will see you. Also no offence for the pics choice, I love sheeps.

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

- ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

1 2 3 4

’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ - ’ -

pile 1

These are people that are pretty similar to you. You may be knowing them for a lot now, for some they may be childhood friends or something. You just need to look at them to be able to read their mind and understand what they think. Huge deep bond. For others, they may be part of your soul family or a past life partner/friend/connection. Okay there are two situations here: 1) you know them so deep down, every small detail about the other, that basically you are the same person and you support each other and care and really talk like 24/7 about any little thing that happens and you are very aware of how the other changed through the years (it could be also for new people: you talk a lot and tell the other everything about your life in a few days); 2) you have been knowing each other for long (or even just met) but you don't really know the other's favorite color, for example. It's a slightly different type of friendship. It's close, it's caring, but it's not as deep as one would imagine. You may even go a few days/weeks without talking and it's fine, when you meet again, it's like nothing happened. The care, the support, the help are there in whatever case. And it works for y'all, so why not. In both cases I think it involves you and another max. 2 people, not more (but it could be just 1). You may be kinda introverted people or just enjoy some time off occasionally, to recharge or do your own things. But you end up being there for the other if they need, no matter what. You may even sleep to each other's place to be able to share your experiences during the evening/night. For many of you I feel it's a same gender friendship for others is a different gender one, and for a few ones this person may turn into your romantic partner.

song: tú | maye

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pile 2

Very protective friends. They kinda shield you. If you meet someone new, maybe even a love interest, they are pretty jealous of you and need to know everything about this person before feeling okay with you going out with them. They may even stalk this person on socials? Masculine/boss energy, but it doesn't have to be a male person ofc (or people... actually I'm getting 3-4 people, so it could even be mixed). You may be knowing them from high school or college/university, for some of you they may be your colleagues. Very grounded, stable energy, I am feeling like those superhero that stand in front of you to protect you from a possible danger. This may turn into something toxic tbh, cause they should trust you and let you leave your life the way you need... it's just that they don't want you to suffer, probably cause you've been suffering a lot through your life. It's very nice and cute of them ofc, but it's also their codependency talking: be aware of this and talk things out with them if they are a bit too controlling and protective of you. They may be needing to work on themselves, on these parts of them, these triggers. The moment they realize all this with your help, things will change for everyone and be more easy to afford. Find a way to compromise, to come together to an healthier point with time and patience. They will change their approach and point of view on life and on you, and accept that you can and need to experience your life as you're an adult and you can take care of you too. And you can even get hurt while living. But you can survive, they'll know. And they'll be there to support you whenever you need. Huge older brother/sister energy. Even crush energy for a few (you are their crush).

song: boyfriend | dove cameron

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pile 3

Huge "squad" energy. You may be all the same gender and like to go out and enjoy all together. If someone is missing for any issue, you feel their absence and find ways to be with them anyway maybe through a phone call. Let's say one person of your team is ill, you may renounce to a night out and go to their place to cheer them up and be with them. You totally do anything together. I think it's about 4-5 people here, including you. You like to go out at night especially, go to parties/pubs and dance together. Maybe you like to make fun of guys/people trying to approach you (if applicable)? But sometimes it's different... I see you, not gonna go there with this reading, sorry. :) I think you may share courses too, maybe college or dancing courses, or play in a sport team (even cheeleaders?)... something like that. You spend a lot of time together also during the day. You like shopping together, eating together... you talk a lot too. There's some kind of sisterhood or brotherhood here. You're there to help each other, your are totally a group, like "bro's before ho's". Together you're stronger, like nothing can hit you and having the others' support is fundamental. But from cards it seems you don't always talk about heavy stuff or past stuff (before you got together), at least not with everyone there. That's probably something you may need to do, to be more open about anything you don't like or how you really feel inside. It's true that y'all enjoy being together but if you feel down, not all of your friends may notice or you (or one friend) may hide that. Your squad is strong, please find ways to talk about your mental health together: you can get out of any personal problem also thanks to your friends, you don't have to hide and push it all down night after night. Take courage and speak up, you will be understood by your friends (or ask your friends to speak if you feel something isn't right with them). None of you is a burden for the others, you should know that.

song: i choose you | mario

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pile 4

Your friends are or will be pretty different from you (etnicity, background, upbringing, culture, ideas, "social class"...). They are very caring of you, very kind and generous and indeed, very different even among them. They see you as very sweet and they kinda feel protective of you but in an healthy way. It feels like y'all complete each other. You learn a lot from each other too. Lot of fun times together, lot of laughs, but also nice talks at night even on heavy topics or sharing your lives' experiences. They may help you heal some parts of you that still need work (maybe some fears or insecurities about yourself and how you can be perceived by others/in relationships of any type), they'll help you be more focused and determined, more you. Very supportive group. They help you also working towards your dreams, finding your true call and desire and create your own dream outcome. They help you know yourself better too. Just by communicating with them, you find ways to reach your inner side more easily. They balance you very well, and help you stay balanced. It may be a spiritual connection too, they may be part (all of them or just a few) of your soul family, and you may be supposed to meet them at a specific time in your life. Some of you may be trying to manifest them in their life atm, it will happen the moment you let go and trust, especially yourself (work on your inner world to decide what you really want out of a friendship). There's no judgment here, it's a pure friendship. For some it may involve a slightly large group (around 5-6 or a few more people but no more than 8), for others it's 3-4 or less.

song: angel of mine | monica

[centrally-unplanned]

Just finished The Coffin of Andy and Leyley - at least the two episodes we have so far! A very fun game, I definitely recommend it. The thoughts, spoilers everything:

-- The tone of the game is extremely on point, Andrew & Ashley have such a great trauma-criminal dynamic that never strays too far from being cute first, awful second. Look at these babies! Of course that is the blood of their parents they just murdered for a satanic ritual and/or petty cash, what else would it be?

-- The game nails a pretty niche fetish of mine - no, not the incest part, no judgement but I could do without that just fine. Instead its the weaponization of sex (and other forms of intimacy) to manipulate and break down someone's resistance to your demands:

But, while no shade thrown at the classic controlling doms out there, Ashley wins by being a complete mess and possessing minimal intentionality around her emotional blackmail. Her toxic codependency on Andrew controls her and, as inevitable as the tide, forces her to periodically hurt & degrade him, then compensate via affection bombs & demands. She thrives on his weaknesses such as trauma-nightmares & anxiety as they are places she can slot herself into his pysche as load-bearing support, and sex is set up as another part of that web. Its that lack of control that makes her so attractive - the vast emotional void she is hoping her manipulations will fill is a funhouse mirror version of the physical need intimacy can fulfill.

I will note she is a slightly different from the "Mamimi" (from FLCL) archetype - for the Mamimi, sex is deontological, it is what she needs to cope with her damage. For Ashley it's instrumental, and could be swapped out for another tactic as quick as an outfit change if doing so got her what she really wanted.

Probably also worth mentioning that this isn't an eroge; this dynamic is primarily implication and subtext, becoming text only rarely. Don't want to mislead anyone there.

-- Another standout point is that Andrew himself is *not* the typical wishy-washy boytoy target of his bae's emotional machinations, but instead exactly as toxically codependent as Ashley is, just expressed differently. He thrives on her sense of need and the comfortability of the dyad role her vision for their lives creates for him. What makes him a fun contrast is that he has a "normal" half of his brain that recognizes all of this as fucked up and wants to quit, which often pretends he is being blackmailed by duty or circumstances, but that isn't really true. Where the game excels is that it has multiple routes - neither of which have notably different plot events, but where the different factions of Andrew's brain win out or fade away. Is very tight marriage of narrative and themes.

-- Its also good to add that the incest concept is somewhat foundational. I am not an incest person but I have been on the internet, I am familiar enough with its semiotics, and the "mutual, similar-age, unhealthy codependency" subgenre of relationships when its not incest always struggles with a bit of a believability issue.

So narratives are generally about arcs, sex is about build-up, and that combination means you want to portray the moment a relationship forms, tips into romance, right? And your subjects of choice are two people who constantly cling to each other, destroy outsiders who could challenge their attention monopoly, and psychologically scar each other in order to foster emotional addiction. And they are ~20 yeas old.

Why aren't they fucking already?? They obviously should be fucking. If these were childhood friends, they would be fucking, for years now, easy. You can say they just haven't gotten there yet but that changes the characters, makes them naïve and innocent, that is a narrative constraint you might not want. But if they are siblings...well then there ya go. That is a socially-ironclad excuse for how they got so emotionally close without romantic intimacy, and a reason for them not to cross the threshold (until your plot events make them ofc). Its a fetish that makes your storytelling efficient, not just something that works on the fetish level directly.

(Btw Andrew is not a doormat; that is a lie he tells himself)

-- The Coffin of Andy and Leyley is a classic RPG Maker indie project, and it used its gameplay conventions well. Its essentially a visual novel with RPG exploration elements that offered small puzzles as you traverse from plot point to plot point. They create immersion while rarely being too difficult and dragging down the pacing - it knows they aren't here to intellectually challenge you, but to make the world feel lived. And sometimes - most often in Ashley & Andrew's dreams - the light puzzle elements are very deeply woven into the plot & themes, used for making narrative choices & reinforcing emotional beats. They rarely overstay their welcome, which is refreshing. Its not uncommon for a game to get into trying to "gamify" what should just be a visual novel, and while not perfect Coffin doesn't fall into that trap.

Additionally the creator definitely likes Undertale, and the dream sequences remind me of Flesh, Blood, & Concrete in their colors & abstraction. Good times!

-- It is extremely amusing to google this game for like ending guides or w/e and to be bombarded with the "controversy" of its incest plotline. A: The main duo murder their parents and nonchalantly make a meal of their bodies out of sheer habit, way to not have your eye on the prize. And B: my brother in Christ you clicked on the Incest Game. Why are you on Pornhub complaining about porn??

[raindrops-on-concrete]

reading reviews of My Personal Weatherman is... interesting.

on the one hand you have all the good reviews blatantly romanticizing toxic behaviour and on the other hand you have all the bad reviews missing the subtleties of the show entirely.

it's a show about an unhealthy hyper codependent relationship with undernegotiated kink and lots of miscommunication and misunderstandings, that gets only slightly healthier by the end of the show. It's an interesting watch and I love it but your takeaway message shouldn't be that this is trying to depict a good healthy relationship

[thebramblewood]

When you're too headstrong to accept help even when you know you need it (aka I'm in this scene and I don't like it).

Previous / Next

Caleb: That was very reckless of you, Helena.

Helena: You fucking creep! Have you been watching me? You could have intervened at any point and spared me the disappointed dad routine.

Caleb: I don’t make it a point to stick my nose into other people’s business.

Helena: Except when you’re at your fucking sister’s beck and call.

Caleb: [barely perceptible eye twitch] Think about it. A few more minutes and you could have done to that girl what she did to you. I only got involved for your sake.

Helena: You really believe you’re my knight in shining armor, don’t you? Took you long enough to show up.

Caleb: I’m sorry about that. I didn’t want you to put you in harm’s way.

Helena: [laughs in disbelief] I’m not scared of her. Look at me! My life as I knew it is already over! What damage is left for her to do?

Caleb: You don’t know her like I do. There are ways for vampires to die, and they aren’t all literal. She’ll wear you down into dust. She’s like a child with a shiny new toy. At first, she’ll smother you with affection. But then, once she’s squeezed all the fun that’s to be had from you, she’ll grind you beneath her heel without a thought.

Helena: How evocative! Though it does leave one wondering why the fuck you’re still hanging around.

Caleb: She’s not just my sister, Helena. She’s my maker. We’re doubly tied by blood.

Helena: [scoffs incredulously] God, but she’s got you whipped! I wish I’d never met either of you. You’re the dictionary definition of toxic codependency!

Caleb: I’m taking a risk by being here. But I want to help you.

Helena: Well, I never asked you to. I’ve learned a thing or two about fending for myself from that dusty old book, and those disgusting little juice bags you sent me are worthless. So thanks but no thanks. [voice wavering slightly] I’m good on my own.

Caleb: Helena, I can show you better-

Helena: I mean it. Leave me the hell alone!

[coffincestuous]

every now and then a posts pops up in the tcoaal tags talking about how much they HATE the game and how they don’t see the appeal and everyone who likes it is a digusting, irredeemable person

(here, we can all roll our eyes and block them together)

so, what makes this game so likeable?

well, personally, everything. everything makes it likeable. but that’s not really an answer to those who are determined to Not Like It

mild spoilers ahead!

first, the art!

[id: the main screen art for the game, two scenes, and two sprites of andrew and ashley. the main screen art has andrew and ashley facing each other, holding different kitchen equipment covered in blood. ashley looks happy, while andrew looks apprehensive. behind them is a black coffin with a window, wrapped in chains. the text says “the coffin of andy and leyley” is red.

the first scene depicts them facing a door, with andrew’s hands on the door and ashley’s shoulder. the second scene depicts ashley hugging a reluctant andrew, who is holding the door slightly open. the sprites of andrew and ashley show them smiling. end id.]

the art style is really cute!! it may not be everyone’s Thing, and that’s okay, but i’m a huge fan of the artstyle and the color palette! the designs are recognizable and show us details about the characters that the game doesn’t have to spell out. andrew’s kind of non-haircut, the tag on his sweater, ashley’s clothes, etc. all tell us things about the characters we learn as we progress through the game!!

the colors through the world are muted greys and blacks and off-whites, which clue the player in to the environment really well. the world is dreary!! it’s bleak!! it’s not just the apartment we first meet our characters in, but almost every place we go to as andrew or ashley. there are some splashes of colors, but for the most part, it’s the same dull colors. there’s a reason for that.

[id: the graves’ apartment, featuring the kitchen and living room. end id.]

[id: the graves’ balcony and their neighboring balconies. all of them have furniture and plants and boxes.]

the color palette really sets the tone of the game, and the attitude all of the characters have towards the world, without SAYING “all of the characters have a bleak view of the world.”

second, the plot!

on steam, the description for the game is this:

[id: “Walk-n-talk adventure with light puzzling. Brother and sister practice cannibalism after witnessing a botched satanic ritual.” end id]

from this, we can expect cannibalsm, murder, and possibly demons. probably blood. (definitely blood).

and this:

[id: “Cannibalism and codependency! Caught in an extremely toxic sibling relationship, our awful heroes must survive starvation, as well as each other. How will you escape death and the consequences of your actions?” end id.]

of course, the players and fanbase know there’s more to the game than that.

as far as summaries go, how’s this? “a codependent brother and sister, possibly infected with ‘parasites,’ have been locked in their apartment for months with no food due to an apartment-wide quarantine. while spying on their cultist neighbor, they witness a demon-summoning ritual go wrong, and decide to take advantage of an otherwise hopeless situation. with blood on their hands and no going back, the two are forced to keep covering their tracks as they learn of what’s really going on with the quarantine, and the mysterious world of demons they’ve accidentally uncovered.”

that gives a little more context and a little more incentive to actually play the game. (or at least watch someone play through it. ideally with no commentary. there are several great ones). at the very least, it tells a little more about what to expect from the game going in to it.

as easy as the ‘government organ-harvesting scheme’ is to miss, (and, believe me, i Did miss it the first time i played through) it’s still there, and is one of the biggest motivations for our characters to keep doing what they’re doing. they want to eat, they want out of a needless quarantine, they don’t want to get caught out of their apartment, they don’t want to get caught for the murder or the cannibalsm, etc. each step they take is to get themselves as far away from all of that as they can. together.

that’s interesting!! that’s catching!! the plot is what captured my attention initially!! it’s why i was excited to play the game Myself!! it’s why i’m excited for chapter three!! i want to see where they go from here, what challenges they face, and how they overcome it. i wanted to see where the end of chapter one took them!! if the plot is good, it doesn’t have to be well-written to be enjoyable (although, in my opinion, it is well-written). and it is enjoyable.

third and fourth, the characters! their relationship!

while tcoaal has solid visuals, it’s much more story-driven than gameplay driven. there Is gameplay, and there are puzzles, but most of the game is spent reading dialogue.

as both ashley and andrew, the player goes through the dialogue between the two of them, as well as other characters. we meet mrs. and mr. graves, we meet andrew’s ex-girlfriend in a flashback, we meet demons and cultists and corrupted security guards. but, despite it all, the majority of the dialogue is between andrew and ashley.

obviously, as our protagonists, that’s a given. and, of course, it’s intentional. but, a lot of the people outside of the fanbase don’t seem to realize just how much we see of andrew and ashley. we’re with them constantly, as they are constantly with each other. their back-and-forth banter is fun when it’s fun, and serious when it needs to be. the challenges and changes the two of them go through are shown through their dialogue in chapter two, where the choices start to Matter. we see their dynamic change, for better or for worse, and we see their reactions to that change. there isn’t a physical change to show for decision making (with some exceptions), but we see their thoughts and how they speak to each other change. we see how they act around each other before The Incidents and afterwards.

people also seem to miss the ‘codependent’ part of their relationship, and hardly even look past their disgust at the game to wonder why. (fictional incest is hot AND narratively compelling!)

by playing the game, we learn very quickly that ashley was a “problem child.” she was loud, annoying, mean, and disliked by everyone. everyone. her mother was a teenager when she had both ashley and andrew, and shoved ashley on to andrew to pacify and raise her. it was andrew’s job to be her parent, to teach her right and wrong, to spend time with her, to make sure she ate, to make sure she had friends. he’s only two years older than her, but he’s been the only constant in her life. whether or not he was willing to be there for her, (which he is), he was there. keeping him by her side is what matters most to her, no matter who she has to threaten or what she has to do. she relies on him, as she always has, to stop her from going too far. she relies on him to pacify her when she’s upset or angry, because that’s what he’s always done. she expects him to go along with her whims and expects him to clean up after her messes (literally or figuratively) because that’s what he’s always done.

(for some really good ashley analysis, check out this post by ashleyhuh, this post by double--blind, and this post by sunshine-jesse)

andrew, on the other hand, was a very good kid. their mom, in a specific scene, called him an easy child. he’s well-liked by adults and peers, he’s had friends outside of ashley, even his parents like him more than ashley (and they make it obvious by just. Ignoring Ashley). the promotional art calls ashley “very bad” and andrew “doormat extraordinnaire,” but whether or not that’s actually true is up for debate. regardless, we know he cares about ashley, and she’s been the only constant in his life just as much as he has been in hers (…even if that’s mostly ashley’s fault). his whole life has been shaped by the responsibility of keeping ashley happy and behaved, but he does it because he wants to, too. while it may have started as taking care of his baby sister in lieu of their parents, he’s accepted that ashley is his responsibility whether he wants her to be or not. we don’t know where the change from “his responsibility” to “his responsibility” happens, but we see it through his actions and dialogue and even flashbacks that he cares about her. ashley relies on saying she cares and hearing that she’s cared for, while andrew shows that he cares, and he cares for her A Lot.

(as a side analysis, we’re Shown that andrew cares more than we Hear that he cares. with ashley, we’re Told that she cares more than we See that she cares. interesting!)

fifth, the soundtrack!

oh my god. the soundtrack. from the main theme to a specific song in the decay route vision, the soundtrack does a Wonderful job of setting the tone for the game. soundtracks are just as important as every other aspect in games, movies, and tv shows, and the coffin soundtrack is a particular favorite of mine.

(check out the songs here)

the main theme (titled “twisted clowns”) is… well, great!! it sounds good, it sounds Ominous, a little silly, and every time i open the game, i listen to it for a bit before playing. it’s a perfect choice for the first song you hear of the game. it’s perfect for a horror game. i’m no expert on music, and frankly, i don’t know a lot of instruments, but this song has a lot of sinister sections that make it SO good!!

my personal favorite off the soundtrack is “dark bells.” the first time i heard it in game, i lost my mind. it’s SO sinister!! it’s scary!!! the part of the game it shows up in makes me feel like a rabid animal (in a positive way!). it’s also really pretty, and i’ve been listening to it for the past week or so. it hits so very differently hearing it in game. if you know, you know.

the game has little sounds that add to the atmosphere, but the game has absolutely No voices, so the sounds that are added are super noticeable and can add so much more to the game, especially where music is concerned. the composers did an Excellent job with every track, and i’m SUPER excited to hear any new tracks added in the third chapter. the songs fit every scene they’re played during, and guide the player’s reactions pretty well!!

conclusion

no one is forcing people to like the game. if it’s not your thing, you don’t have to make yourself like it. you don’t have to make yourself hate it. those of us who DO like it have our reasons, whether i listed them or not. sometimes things just don’t click with people, and that’s okay! your likes and dislikes are yours, and not everyone has to agree with you. not everyone has to agree with me!! disagreeing with someone does not make you better than them

everyone who likes the game went into it knowing that it was a horror game. horror is supposed to make you uncomfortable. discomfort is a natural, human emotion to feel. whether the murder, cannibalism, corrupt government, demons, theft, or incest made you uncomfortable, you are not morally superior to anyone for feeling that way. you don’t get brownie points for posting about how disgusting the game is, or how boring it is, or how much you hate it. you especially don’t get points for putting your negative opinions in the main tags. have some decency!!

tcoaal isn’t just “the incest game,” even if that is a part of it that i know of and enjoy. if it’s not your cup of tea, you can ignore it!! out of sight, out of mind!! blacklist the tags, block everyone with a coffin icon, you can do whatever you need to do to Not interact w it. most people will respect that!! so, respect us, too!!!!

anyways. every post i see about “haha ew incest” or “bad game” just makes me love the game more. it’s the best game i’ve played in a while!! i’ve enjoyed the coffin of andy and leyley more than omori, more than persona 5 royal, and more than undertale. i really liked all of those games, but the coffin of andy and leyley has been such an enjoyable experience from the start and i’m so happy i gave it a chance

[myfairkatiecat]

How do you feel about Sokeefe vs Fitzphie?

I think Sophie needed to date Fitz to know he wasn't right for her. I think their relationship was sweet in the beginning, and I'm glad that after years of crushing on Fitz, she got to be with him at least for a little while.

They wanted different things, and the timing happened to line up with her slowly realizing that her relationship with Keefe felt like more than friendship, and as she made that realization, it came down to a choice of who she wanted, and it was Keefe.

I don't believe that Sophie never truly liked Fitz. In fact, I think her feelings for Keefe weren't a given from the beginning, but something that slowly developed over time, getting ignored because she knew how much she cared for Fitz, and then suddenly smacking her in the face when they rose to the surface. I think there's a part of her that still has feelings for Fitz. But in the end it was a choice.

And she chose Keefe.

She chose to foster her relationship with Keefe, to let her feelings for him grow, and I think it was a good decision, especially after the nature of how her and Fitz's relationship fell apart.

I don't think Fitz was a bad boyfriend. I think neither he or Sophie were perfect in the relationship. I think that the relationship did turn slightly unhealthy towards the end, but never because Fitz Vacker was just a toxic person.

But I think Sophie and Keefe are going to work this out.

There's issues with the two of them, of course, just like there were issues with her and Fitz, but she and Keefe are going to work them out together. Is that what they need? Probably not, they actually need therapy. But I'm glad they're getting their chance to just... be in love, despite the complications. A little codependent? Sure. Should they probably get a little therapy before jumping into this relationship? Definitely, and they're not going to, so I'm gonna write all the angst fics I want. But at the end of the day I'm a Sokeefe shipper.

Actually at the end of the day, I'm a Sophie x the-guy-she-chooses-to-love shipper. (I used to ship Sophitz. I stopped after Legacy.) Because love really is a choice. Sometimes feelings sneak up on you, yes, and Sophie definitely had feelings sneak up on her, but she's choosing to love Keefe. And I think when all this is over and they work out their issues, there love has a lot of potential to be one of the purest things in the Lost Cities.

[ananke-xiii]

About Sam Winchester.

[This post has been edited after my discussion with @samjgirl , @sam-winchester-admiration-league and after @adaav 's comment to my post. I really want to thank them for their time and for pointing many interesting points out. I wasn't well informed about the techniques of storytelling and I believe I lost a bit of focus after season 11. Now I'm actually happier as I've started to even more appreciate this character, so win-win for me!]

The character of Sam Winchester was my biggest surprise and my biggest disappointment while watching Supernatural (but it's not his fault). [EDIT: while I still don't particularly like (for now) s12-15, I've realized that my disappoint was more due to my ignonorance of storytelling techniques rather than by the way the character was written]

It was my biggest surprise because I had never related to a fictional character this much before. I think you just have to both be the younger sibling of a dysfunctional nuclear family and be trauma-bonded to your elder sibling to get it. I won't go into further details about it because it's a whole essay, but I have to mention it because I need to state that I feel a deep connection to Sam. We both made the same choices, the same "mistakes", the same sacrifices.

So I was astonished when I started Supernatural because of the way it felt true and real. I don't know if the writers lived similar experiences and were therefore able to tell this story truthfully, but they nevertheless did a hell of a job in describing the unique bond of two siblings trying their best to navigate their traumas.

From season 1 to 8-9ish, we see Sam morphing from being the hero of the story to one of the two main characters. [EDIT: this is incorrect, Sam has always been the hero of the story. I think I felt like he was "shifting" into a slightly less prominent role because Dean, as supporting protagonist, was given more space in order to proceed with the filler episodes]Slowly but surely, Dean also becomes the hero and I think that was fair. [EDIT: see above, technically this is incorrect, sorry lol!]You can't fully narrate the story of a bond withouth fully integrate one part of it. I loved all the parallels to Michael/Lucifer and Cain/Abel. I thought they were brilliant. The show allowed me to go deep inside and start sorting out some stuff I've lived. It really made me think a lot.

It's fair to say that the brothers' codependency was the crux of their problem. It was painful to watch and sometimed downright awkward but the writers got it all right: the otherwise unxeplicable and toxic jealousy they felt for one another, the inability to share their deepest feelings in way other than fighting, and hell yes, even Sam's decision to run away and not look for his brother after season 7. It was not OOC, it's exactly what he did when he was 18 and what John did as well 4 years after that. As a matter of fact, Sam is more similar to John than Dean could ever be.

It's definitely been a long journey but I find that the resolution of their codependency (in season ELEVEN!) was cleverly thought-out and brilliantly executed. It couldn't have happened before, the two bothers must have been either already in or close to their 30s to confront the knot, to acknwoledge the grip the trauma they've lived had on their life. Sometimes getting older does help and give you perspective. This might be why (as I've stated here) season 11 is my favourite one: it gives a sense of closure and hope.

However, here comes the biggest disappointment part. [EDIT: this is due to the fact that in part, I didn't fully get it]

After season 11 Sam morphs from one of the two main characters to a side character. [EDIT: incorrect, as per previous EDIT, Sam is always the hero and lead protagonist]The show must be about the brothers' bond and I'm okay with that. However, it looks like after season 11 the writers couldn't come up with new ideas to talk about this kind of bond. It felt like, other than co-dependency, the bond didn't have much to say. Therefore, both Sam and Dean almost go back to square one while they had all the possibilities to explore a new aspect of their relationship.

What could've been this new aspect? Easy: making them realize that the family they each wanted was, simply, different. This is just my opinion on the subject and how I've felt about season 12-15 so it's okay if you disagree. [EDIT: well, this is still my opinion, although it has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role in the story and more about my personal preference, so I think this is where I got confused]

In my opinion, from season 12 Sam is just a part of Dean's family. It's not "Sam&Dean"'s family. It's just Dean's. And I think the writers could've explored that in a more meaningful way. Let me explain: let's take Cas since he makes the perfect example for this scenario. Dean has repeatedly included Cas in the "family", he's called him not just his brother but "our brother". He includes Sam in the equation but I personally don't think Sam feels the same way. Sure, Sam cares for Cas and thinks he's family, but I think his idea of family is "Cas is my brother's husbandbest friend and therefore he's part of the family". He's extended family, kind of. [EDIT: this is still just my opinion and has nothing to do with Sam's narrative role. Although "family" is one of the themes of the show, it was not the only one]

My opinion is canonically backed because, aside from Rowena, all the members of the Winchesters Found Family are part of the family because Dean has allowed them, Dean has a deeper relatioship to them and ultimately because Dean decides who can enter the circle. This is totally in character and I love Dean for his ability to care and form deep bonds. [EDIT: this was also needed for Dean as a character because he's not the lead protagonist so he had to have something else in the story that was not necessarily connected to the mytharc]

However, this is not in Sam's character: Sam is the one who runs away, the one who wants to create his own family, the one who really needs to emancipate himself from his older brother. I truly wished the writers explored his passivity in "accepting" the status quo and made him, if not rebel, at least express his wants.

It would have been a moment in Sam's growth if he could've just, instead of running away, confronted his brother and stated that his desires were different, that he was part of Dean's family but it was not his family. Instead, we only have glimpes of what Sam really feels: he doesn't think of the bunker as his home, he doesn't ever say that he has a family (not surprisingly it's Dean that in "Lebanon" tells John "I have a family" and not Sam), he doesn't really have any other meaningful relationship aside from his brother.

Supernatural ending did him dirty, too. Not just for the awful wig and make-up but because the ending framed Sam as a two-dimensional character: "freed" from his brother and his brother's family, he finds a blurry wife, a dog, a son, a white picket fence. How sad is that? We never get to see Sam really connecting with anyone: all (and by all I really mean ALL) the women in his life, from his mother to one-night-stands while on the road passing through Ruby, end up dead (RIP Sarah Blake). Of course his wife at the end had to be a blurry figure in the backfround (she was not even besides him on his deathbed!): she was a testament to all of his past relationships. Like, seriously, apart from Dean, the ONLY lasting relationship Sam has throughout the whole series is with LUCIFER and this alone, I think, speaks volume. [EDIT: again this just relates to the fact that I'm not particularly fond of s12-15 and of the overall ending. Technically speaking, the ending makes sense. Whether I liked it or not is another issue]

In conclusion, after season 11 Sam is no longer an interesting character because the writers both downright refused to give him another substantial character to interact with and insisted once again on his codependency with Dean (which was already resolved). [EDIT, tbh it was a weak ending to begin with, LOL, I didn't like it even after I wrote it hahahhaa, but yeah, as this whole post proves Sam Winchester is far from being an uninteresting character because I just spent a frigging afternoon learning new things thanks to him so I guess he's like the gift that keeps on giving!]

Having said that, in my heart of hearts, Sam Winchester will always have a special place because I get him, I really do.