#but they deserve to know in the larger sense that they're leaving so they have a chance to say goodbye

[rainywithachanceofstars]

[circyexistforcontent]

❝ DID YOU GET ENOUGH LOVE, MY LITTLE DOVE? ❞ (ANGST)

❀ synopsis: Everyone is bound to die eventually. Either by accident or by purpose, it can even be a natural death. Sadly, yours seem to be an early one. How does the one left behind feel about all this?

❀ request: sibling scara but reader fuckign DIES :33??? please 🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ warnings: implied death, Scaramouche is this close to going ape shit.

If he were younger he would’ve screamed at you for abandoning him like the last human he bonded with. He would’ve cried and maimed your corpse until he couldn’t recognize it. But that is if he were Kunikuzushi, he is wiser now. He knows you didn’t choose when your life would be forcefully taken away, it is all in the hands of fate—his immortal enemy.

He could never forget how your usually radiant and warm skin now looked pale and felt cold like his. Your eyes were vacant, there was no life present in them, not anymore. How could anyone come after you? You hadn’t done anything deserving of death, unlike him. There was only one logical explanation for your death and that’s someone finding out you were someone dear to the Harbinger, and they went after you to pay for the crimes you never committed.

His rage surpasses all the times he’s been “betrayed” before, and it’s not directed at you. Oh no, it’s directed at the perpetrator of your death. How he wishes he could drive his fist to their chest and rip out their heart just so they could feel a fragment of how he’s feeling. And he’ll make sure they're alive through the entire process. He won’t allow them to feel the relief of death so early.

Other than his unbridled fury, his other side mourns for your death. After a moment he cradles your lifeless body with all the tenderness and care he wasn’t able to receive from his early years as Kabukimono. He would beg for you to not pass on, to not leave him behind and please, stay awake for him. If any nearby outsider or subordinate of his caught sight of this moment he’ll either yell at them to leave or he’ll kill them. 

The emptiness in his chest seems to grow even larger than before your death, the room seemed more still, too quiet for his liking. When his mind isn’t occupied by his duties as a harbinger and he gets to have a moment to himself his thoughts would drift to moments you both spent together. He doesn’t even have a heart but the ache he felt in his chest is unlike any he’s ever felt.

Why is he like this? Why can’t he get over you?

He doesn’t get it, nothing makes sense to him anymore.

“Please-!” Scaramouche breathes out as he holds your body close to him, doing his damn hardest to stop the bleeding from your abdomen. Your eyes have closed long ago, but your heart still beats. But how much longer until it eventually stops? “You can’t do this to me! You can’t!” He yells out to you, it’s like he’s reverted back to his old self. His old, pathetic, and vulnerable self had no idea of how the world worked. Hot tears drip down his cheeks and onto your cold cheek, falling down the bloody grass panes.  He buries his face on your chest, trying to seek comfort from you like he did before. Instead of the warmth you usually radiate, he was greeted with the familiar touch of a corpse which made his throat constrict, he could feel another sob threatening to escape his lips. “Don’t leave me, please… not again…”

notes: based on a real-life experience of mine, thought I might as well write it down on one of my comfort characters.

[good-to-drive]

thoughts on the Harrison-Boyd-Clapton live triangle???

Oh god I have SO many thoughts lol. I was actually just talking to my best friend about this, but to put it simply I see the whole situation as an example of two people who truly love each other not belonging together because the particular ways in which they're broken go together too well.

But, to put it less simply:

I tend to think about it from Pattie's perspective, and I've always thought of her as having pretty severe eldest daughter syndrome, i.e. she was taught to value her worth by what she could provide to others. Her parents weren't super involved and she took on a lot more responsibility than most kids her age, especially when it came to her younger siblings. This quote in particular stood out to me when I was obsessing over Pattie a few months ago:

(Not sure where that's originally from btw, I've had the screenshot forever but based on formatting I think it might be brainy quote).

It's often a red flag when people say they felt older than their years, and doubly so when they were in some way parentified. We often reenact the role we played in our childhood family system in our adult relationships, and in Pattie I think this lead her to be extremely giving and self sacrificing. To the point where I'm not sure she was even aware that she HAD emotional needs, much less knew how to assert them.

To that end, although I obviously like George quite a bit, there's no denying that -- especially as a young man -- he was an incredibly needy person. (I actually think all the beatles were sort of black holes of emotional need tbh, at least in their youth. Partly because of childhood trauma but also because they were living a life that's larger and more extreme than any human being was meant to live.)

Pattie's tendency to sacrifice excessively dovetailed perfectly with George's tendency to need excessively, and as a result he totally eclipsed her entire self, until she felt utterly lost. That's neither of their fault, btw. Neither of them was emotionally mature or self aware enough to realize what was happening.

(Not to mention George was cheating like a dog and Pattie was taking it on the chin even though she knew deep down she deserved better. But former parentified children often put up with a lot of shit as adults because they believe it's their responsibility to do so.)

Then Eric comes along and literally tells her it's her fault he's addicted to heroin and if she doesn't leave George he'll die and it'll be all her fault. Aside from the fact that this is literally emotional abuse, it's also an even darker and more powerful black hole of neediness than George. And as someone whose sense of self has been eclipsed and who only knows she matters when she's of service to others, it was basically impossible not to fall into that black hole.

For his part, I think Eric was far more concerned with taking something from George than being with Pattie. I don't know enough about him to know why he'd feel the need to do that and I also really dislike him so I doubt I'll ever find out. Pattie said he got bored of her pretty much as soon as he "had" her, and tbh that doesn't surprise me.

It was honestly such a tragic thing for Pattie to be driven/dragged away from George -- personally I believe they always loved each other (she referred to him as her soulmate in her autobiography, and George made sure she knew as long as he was alive she'd have a financial parachute) -- but I also genuinely think they had to lose each other in order to find themselves.

Pattie couldn't stay in a relationship where she was fulfilling the same self sacrificing role she played as a child, and although it was a long and painful road she seems to have really found herself and found peace. She's never explicitly said this, but often people without a strong sense of self need to be on their own in order to learn how to value themselves, and she did spend a long time unmarried after Eric.

And, although George was gutted by the breakup, he was no more capable of expressing love in a healthy way than Pattie was. If they had stayed together I doubt he'd have grown into the wise and self possessed person that he ultimately became, because he simply wouldn't have had to. (Plus he never would have found Liv and I love her just as much as I love Pattie.)

In the end their relationship is fascinating and tragic to me because the things that drew them to one another so deeply were also what ultimately doomed them, and yet in the shadow of that loss they became the people they were meant to be and found their happy endings.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry for the novel 😁

[mollymauk-teafleak]

The Perfect Lemon Cookies

This is my Christmas present for my most wonderful gf @nb-fearne who I just adore, happy Christmas baby!

If you enjoyed this, please reblog and leave a comment over on Ao3!

----

Ice and Mav would say they're pretty good at keeping their little granddaughter, Poppy Carole Bradshaw, occupied. So when they're asked to watch her, just like any other day, they say yes.

But this isn't just any other day. And as he and his granddaughter make lemon cookies, the same way he made cookies with his babushka, he thinks about how they got here.

----

Tom knew, in a logical sense, that there were no biological similarities between Poppy Bradshaw and himself. She was his granddaughter, she had been since the day she arrived, but there wasn’t a scrap of shared genetic material to back that up. There wasn’t any between her and Maverick either, they were a family made of coincidental deployment orders, lives saved back and forth, luck finding you so late in life you didn’t feel you deserved it, a family held together by decision more than blood and DNA.

He knew that but, God, sometimes he looked at Poppy and decided genetics could go to hell. Sometimes Tom was standing in his own kitchen, in the long moment of silence as the flour fell around them like snow without the cold, after Poppy had dumped the entire bag of it in the bowl and whacked the mixer to full speed with a yell of delight. 

And he just thought there was no way there wasn’t any of Pete Mitchell in this kid. 

“Oh…” Poppy spoke first, sounding remarkably unconcerned, “Did it wrong, deda…”

Tom coughed into his fist, before taking off his glasses and calmly rubbing the film of flour off the lenses, croaking, “Well…I’m not sure you followed my instructions exactly? But there’s a lot to be said for enthusiasm, honey..”

His granddaughter beamed brightly, shaking the curls that were identical to her daddy’s so a cloud of white billowed around her, “Snowing!”

Tom had to smile, even as his fingers itched at the mess. He couldn’t ever keep from smiling, not on days like this, when the sun was turning from white to gold, from summer to fall, when every song on the old radio seemed to be one of their favorites, when any problems the Navy was having could wait until tomorrow and all Tom had to think about was spending time with his granddaughter. Days like this made him feel like someone entirely new, like the cocky, terrified, high strung kid who’d first worn his wings was a stranger but thank God he wasn’t. Life had just started being kind to him. Days like this were about as close to perfect as Tom wanted to know. 

Especially today.

He let Poppy make handprints in the flour on the counter while he discreetly tipped most of what was in the bowl into the trash and started again. Baking with his granddaughter- or his husband for that matter- usually included a few false starts. 

“Extra lemon,” Poppy reminded him just like she’d done the first time, sweeping her hands through the drifts.

Tom chuckled, “I know how your papa likes them, sweetie.”

Poppy nodded, an expression of unusual seriousness crossing her young face, “Need to be perfect. Perfect for papa.”

“I know,” Tom promised, feeling a warm rush of fondness, “Of course they’re going to be perfect, sweetie. You made them for him.”

Poppy lit up at that, now happily passing Tom whatever he asked for, stirring and rolling with his larger, stiffer hands gently guiding her little ones, tongue poking out of her mouth in her concentration. They sang along to the songs on the radio, they bickered happily over how big a lemon cookie could reasonably be and whether they’d cook twice as fast if you turned the oven up as high as it would go, they practiced her sign language while she sat on the counter and swung her little legs. 

It reminded Tom of some precious memories he kept tucked safely behind his heart, memories of weekends spent at his babushka’s. Away from the shouting and shattering at home, in the peace and quiet of her tiny apartment with its even tinier kitchen. From when he’d been even smaller than Poppy, listening to her speaking soft, creaking Russian, telling him stories and singing him songs he would only ever know in her voice. Making exactly the same cookies that were baking as Tom finally swept up the flour, filling both the kitchen he stood in and the one in his memory with the same sweet smell that would always make him feel safe and loved. 

He was stirring icing, pretending not to notice Poppy’s finger hovering and ready to steal some, when Maverick walked in, bleary eyed and yawning. 

“Nice of you to finally join us,” Tom turned and grinned, kissing his cheek when he padded over. 

“Shut up…been a while since I pulled a night shift…” Mav mumbled, wrapping one arm around his husband’s waist and ruffling Poppy’s curls with the other. 

Tom supposed he couldn’t make too much fun of him. After all, he was the one who got to stay under the covers, soothing an anxious Poppy until she fell asleep while Maverick was the one who did all the frantic 2am driving to the hospital. Tom still maintained he was a better, faster driver but his reputation couldn’t stand up to as many speeding tickets.

Speaking of which. Maverick caught his eye and mouthed, anything yet?

Ice surreptitiously checked his phone where it lay on the counter. The screen illuminated with the lock screen, still a photo of Maverick crashed out on the couch with a similarly snoring Poppy asleep on his lap, both of them wearing the hideous Hanukkah sweaters they’d all insisted on wearing through the holiday. So that made Tom smile but there were no new messages or missed calls. 

He glanced back at Maverick and shook his head lightly. 

Mav shrugged, pressing a kiss to the top of Poppy’s head as his hand flashed out and snagged a fingerful of icing. 

“Hey! Pops, that's for my papa!” she gave him a very stern look for someone who’d been seconds from doing the exact same thing.

“See, this is why you’re my helper, sweetie, and not your Pops,” Tom hummed, moving to check on the cookies, sliding them out of the oven when he saw they were perfect. 

“Uh huh,” Poppy nodded wisely, “Lick the bowl after.”

“A very important rule,” Tom agreed, shaking them onto the rack, “Though not as important as keeping your hands off these until they’re cool. I’m talking to you, Maverick.”

“I’m offended but I understand,” he shrugged, passing a hand over the mess of his bed head as he went to pour himself some coffee from the pot Tom had ready for him, “Learn from my mistakes, kiddo. Plenty of burned fingers.”

Poppy giggled, obediently tucking hers in the pocket of her dungarees, “Silly pops…”

Tom grinned, taking the mug his husband offered him, “Though I think I might trust him to help ice the cookies if you were keeping him in check, sweetie?”

Mav grinned and turned the puppy dog eyes that had been making Tom’s life difficult for thirty years on Poppy. Less of a pushover than her deda, or at least less of a sucker for a pretty face, she hummed thoughtfully and narrowed her eyes at him. Only after a long moment did she shrug. 

“M’kay.”

Maverick snapped her a more serious salute than he’d given any naval officer, “Many thanks, ma’am. I won’t let you down.”

“It’s fine,” Poppy hummed, “Just be perfect. They’re for my papa.”

Mav softened, smiling fondly, “Right. Gotcha.”

Perfect wasn’t exactly the word by the time they were through but Poppy at least seemed happy with them. Tom was laughing at his husband’s brave attempts at icing their squad patches onto cookies when he noticed his phone screen light up with a notification. Trying not to pounce too obviously, Tom flicked it open and felt his heart settle under a rush of emotion, relief and delight and excitement all at once, so strong it was a fight to keep it all to a soft exhale. 

Everything’s perfect, we’re getting released this afternoon. See you there?

Tom imagined these hours were going to feel like some of the longest of his life. 

He turned to Poppy, smiling softly, “Well, as much as we’ve loved having you stay, honey…I think it’s time for you to go home?”

Another thing that made Tom forget there were no biological similarities between Poppy and her grandpas, they were all absolute nightmares when they were nervous.

Right now she was actually pacing, going back and forth across the Bradshaw’s living room, looking for all the world like Admiral Kazansky in his office after a stressful day. Maverick had tried to coax her into watching a movie, into playing one of her favourite board games, even offering to go out into the backyard and go on the trampoline with her despite what it had done to his hips last time. None of it worked, she still fidgeted anxiously, just like she had ever since they’d arrived, as Tom and Mav had gone around making sure the empty house was clean and tidy as it could be and that there was dinner waiting on the stove. Poppy had just kept on pacing, clutching the box of cookies to her chest like her life depended on keeping track of them.

Tom had just finished vacuuming, collapsing on the sofa to give his knees a rest, “Honey, why don’t you come sit with me?”

Poppy mumbled indistinctly before shaking her head, “Don’t think so, deda…”

Tom’s smile gentled and he leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, “You know, I do that so much at work that my receptionist tells me there’s going to be a trench in my carpet.” 

“Okay deda…” Poppy stood on tiptoe to try and peer past the blinds but it was just a car driving down the street. 

“Yeah. And I only really do it when something’s bothering me. So I’ve been doing it a lot less since your pops retired…but still. So is there something bothering you, honey?”

At that, she froze, her big brown eyes sliding over to him guiltily, “Uh…maybe.”

Tom opened his arms, “Something you want to come over here and tell your dedushka about?”

He wasn’t exactly surprised when she ran over and burrowed into his arms but it did give him a warm rush of joy. Especially when she managed to not crack him over the head with the tupperware box of cookies. 

“I want my daddies…”

“And they’re coming, sweetie, they said they’re on their way,” Tom rocked her gently, the way he’d been doing since she was tiny, the way he’d done for her daddy before her. 

“Mm…but also kind of…scared about it.” She sounded like she was confessing a crime to Tom’s jumper. 

“Hey,” he gently moved her so he could rub slow, soothing circles on her back, “Listen, it’s perfectly fine to be a little scared right now. It’s a huge change and that's always going to be at least a little terrifying.”

“Oh,” Poppy looked up at him, “Really? It’s okay?”

“Of course,” Tom nodded, “Because you know what isn’t going to change? How much your daddies love you. And how much me and your pops love you, for that matter.”

That brought the smile he loved so much back onto her face, “Promise?”

“I promise,” Tom kissed her forehead, his smile turning into a grin as the sound of a very familiar engine came up to the house, “Why don’t you see for yourself?”

Poppy gasped, grabbing her box and making for the door as quick as her legs could carry her. Maverick came out of the kitchen, drying his hands on a dishcloth and nudging Tom fondly. 

“Ready for round two?” he winked. 

Tom laughed and put his arm around his husband, nodding at Poppy’s retreating back, “After her? Bring it on.”

Poppy didn’t even wait for them to open the door, throwing it open herself and running out onto the drive towards the battered old Bronco and the man who was just getting out of the driver’s door. 

“Daddy!”

Bradley’s face relaxed from general bewildered exhaustion into relief as he saw his daughter running towards him, dropping to his knees so he could catch her in an enormous hug, “There’s my girl…”

“You were gone so long! Gone forever ,” Poppy half told him off, reaching up to pat his cheeks. 

Bradley chuckled, pressing a kiss to her little palms, “Well, if you’ve got a problem with that, kiddo, I’ve got someone you can take it up with…someone was determined to take his time…”

Leaning in the front doorway, Tom felt his breath catch in his throat. Because Jake Seresin was gently easing himself out of the other door, a blanket wrapped bundle in his arms and the tiredest, broadest smile on his face. 

“Ready to meet Dagger Seven?” he grinned. 

“Papa…” Poppy shuffled closer, a little hesitant now, almost shy, “You’re okay.”

“Course I am, pumpkin,” Jake looked torn for a moment, clearly pulled between the need to hold his eldest and his newest, having to settle for kneeling so she could edge closer.

“Is that them?”

“It is,” Jake smiles, gently shifting the blankets so she could see, “It’s him. Your baby brother.”

Poppy peered at the sleeping newborn in his arms, her face gentling in awe, “Oh…he’s so small.”

“They come like that, it’s okay,” Bradley laughs, moving to lay a hand on Poppy’s shoulder, “So. What do you think, kiddo?”

There was a long moment where Poppy seemed to be thinking, her mouth trembling slightly like it didn’t know which way to turn. But as she lightly touched the soft, dark curls on his head, it became a smile. 

“Okay. He can stay.”

If Tom had some tears running down his face as he leaned in the doorway, no one noticed but Maverick.

He was even cuter up close. Tom held the little boy tight to his chest, rocking him slowly, the way that had been working since the first time he held his sister Sarah. Not that he needed to, his new grandson seemed perfectly content to stay snoozing, turned into the warmth of his arms. Perfect little round cheeks, a glimpse of a tiny rosebud tongue when he yawned, a gentle dusting of dark hair. Tom could look at him for hours and find something new to love every moment. 

Maverick hung on his shoulder, grinning down at him, “God, he’s so cute…”

Jake chuckled from the other sofa, where he sat cradling Poppy and munching a cookie, “Well, he’s been quiet so far, that’s all I care about. Might have got it right this time around.”

Though he kissed the top of Poppy’s head as soon as he said it, making her giggle. 

“Are you finally going to tell us what you’re calling him, then?” Maverick asked, making Tom perk up a little. It had been driving them both nuts for the last eight months, their insistence on keeping the name they’d chosen secret until the baby arrived. 

Bradley smiled, quirking his eyebrows at his husband who shrugged and took his hand, “You tell them. Kept them waiting long enough.”

Bradley laughed at that, looking uncharacteristically coy for a moment. His eyes found Tom’s and stayed there, those eyes that would always remind Tom of the tow headed little boy who hung off his leg, no matter how old Bradley got. Right now, he could see all the years in them, all the pain and hurt and confusion and joy and need, all the love Bradley had for him, for the guy who’d shown up for him and stayed there. It felt like too much, like more than Tom deserved but he had it and all he could do was be so endlessly grateful for the day he met little Bradley Bradshaw, the kid who wasn’t his by blood but was his kid nonetheless. 

His kid smiled, “Uncle Tom, you are holding Thomas Nicholas Bradshaw.”

Tom liked to think that he was rarely lost for words. A lot of the time that was because he didn’t bother with them, finding a cold, hard stare or an incredulous look to be more effective ways of getting the job done. But now, for maybe the first time he found himself wanting words, needing words to describe this feeling in his chest, words big enough to thank them for this but there were none. 

All he could do was look down at the brand new little boy in his arms, his grandson, his namesake and croak, “Oh…”

It wasn’t much but it seemed to be enough. He was definitely crying and more people than Maverick were noticing but it was okay, Mav was crying too as he hugged him and Bradley was crying as he came over and kissed his Uncle Tom on the forehead. Jake and Poppy were soon folded into the hug too, Jake misty eyed and Poppy only looking a little confused but very pleased. 

They weren’t a family held together by DNA. They were held together by coincidence, by happenstance that had thrown him and Pete Mitchell into the same Top Gun class, Bradley and Jake into that bar near the naval academy, by sheer luck that had taken people from them and given them others. They were held together, bound so tightly, because they chose to love each other. And they would choose each other every time, on good days and the bad ones.

But today was damn near perfect.

[machathecat]

Derealization crisis

Short shitty vent fic because derealization is hitting me rn and why go to therapy when you can project on your fav characters lmao (this was not beta read we die like men)

________________

Mr flower was running through the forest, desperately trying to find where was Jeremy treehouse, but everything looked the same, everything was.. foggy, dream like. flor hated it, he hated this feeling, he couldn't take it much longer. everything felt fake and unreal. he hated technically knowing it was just a feeling, because it felt to real. and nothing was real at the same time. his mind kept running as flor felt the panic growing larger and larger in his chest, and suddenly spotted his boyfriend home up in a tree.he climbed the best he could and kept knocking on the door until Jeremy opened it, it took a few seconds to process what in hell was happening in his mind before he let floraself fall in his lover arms like a ragdoll, he was exhausted. exhausted to tey to make sense of the absolute warfare that was his mind right now.Jeremy was. surprised to say the least, but he grabbed mr flower in a hug and sat down on his floor as his boyfriend was trying to catch a breath through his tears."hey hey its alright, im there ok? what's wrong? what happened?" they asked in a soft voice."i- i just- nothing.. nothing feel.. alright.. like nothing is normal and- its all dream like and everything that happened today was weird and- it doesn't..feel like im in my body and its so weird.. i don't know if this is real because i just woke up.. weird today and im wondering if its not because im still dreaming and everyone feel sureal and i feel stupid at the same time because what if im wrong and IT'S FUCKING HELL" mr flower painfully managed to say through flor shaky breath."hey its alright calm down.. breath alright.." Jeremy tried to though of a way to help, they knew simply saying this was real probably wouldn't help. "hey i have an idea, try to find an object for each color of the rainbow right now"mr flower looked a bit weirded out at first, but flor took a look out the open door and searched up for red."..theres a cardinal on the branch..?""alright now orange?""uh... the dead leaves bellow?""ok, now yellow""hm.. the sun"Jeremy's technique apparently worked well as mr flower seemed to think less and less about existence and more about were there was a specific color in the scenery."your doing great! for green?""well the grass""blue?""sky""purple?""hu.. the flower next to the river!""ok you got the easy ones. now second round but you can't pick the previous stuff! red?"mr flower turned around and took a look at Jeremy house."your blanket?""kinda cheating but alright" they laughed. "now orange"the two of them continued this game for god know how long, but it was long enough for mr flower to start falling asleep on his boyfriend shoulder. Jeremy hold flor up to they're bed and gently put a blanket over him, went to cause the door and checked the hour on they're old clock, it was 7pm, so they decided to make some food before they're boyfriend wake up of flor well deserved nap.

[gaileyfrey]

On that cover, is Yelena...

taking AIM?

It certainly looks that way!!

The rest of this answer isn't in direct reply to that ask, but this is a great opportunity for me to bring up something lots of people don't know about comics!! So keep reading if you wanna know a little bit about how things work behind the scenes, and ignore the rest of this if you're only here to find out if that's AIM on the White Widow cover we revealed yesterday.

Okay, so, something folks might not know: As a comic creator and author, I don't get control over my covers! I really don't get input on them at all, even on creator-owned stuff like Eat the Rich and Know Your Station. Even more than that: Covers are often being made around the same time as I'm working on the script, so frequently, what shows up on the cover reflects the overall idea of the comic rather than the specific content.

This is not a bad thing!! First of all, I should never have any say over what a visual artist does because they know a billion times more than I do about their craft. Second of all, this boundary is a necessary timing thing that leaves the cover artist more time to do their job. Covers tend to focus on different types of detail than interior art - which makes sense, because a cover gets a larger amount of area to work in, and the function of a cover is different from the function of interior art. Interiors have to communicate narrative efficiently, working with letters (that's the words in boxes and bubbles) and colors (that's the colors and shadows and lighting) to communicate a story to the reader. Interiors also have to lead the reader's eye from place to place in a very specific way, to support the flow of the story and the movement of the panels and characters. Meanwhile a cover is a single image that stands on its own, drawing the eye of a reader in a comic shop or browsing online, and serving to represent the brand. The image serves a different function, and the artist can highlight their own style and interests, packing in tons of detail. All this takes time -- interiors and covers both! -- but covers can happen sooner than interiors, because the artist can get started based on one image or an overall idea, rather than needing the script to work from.

With IP work (that's Intellectual Property, aka ideas someone else came up with and owns the rights to), covers can get started before I've even finished outlining, because we already know who the characters are and what their overall vibe is. With Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we already know who the main cast is going to be: Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles, Spike, Faith. (I'm sad that we didn't get a Baby Crab cover, but who knows, maybe someday we'll get an omnibus of The Baby Crab Story.) Fans of that IP can see a cover with a familiar character on it and know what they're getting into, even if they don't know from the cover exactly what's going to be happening inside. The same was true when I worked on Steven Universe comics: the cover didn't reflect the story inside, so much as it reflected the overall universe and characters, which is all readers of that series need to know they're interested in what's inside.

I'm sharing all this first of all because I think it's neat! When I was starting out as a writer, I thought authors had control over every piece of their book. The truth is, we don't decide most things! People with more expertise make choices about our book covers, synopses, jacket copy, bios, what blurbs get used... everything but the words on the pages. The people who make those choices deserve credit for their work! Plus, I think it's fun and interesting to learn this stuff and I figured you might like knowing it, too!

The second reason I'm sharing this is because I've had a couple of people ask me questions about this gorgeous David Marquez cover for issue 1 of White Widow. Who is she fighting? Will they be in the final story? Does this mean she's not getting a new costume?? I won't give anything away (although Alessandro Miracolo has been dropping some truly phenomenal art in my inbox :3), but I will say that when it comes to comics -- especially when you're reading IP -- you truly can't judge a book by its cover. The outside is gorgeous and I'm so thankful to have it representing the story I'm working on, but the cover art and the interior art are more like close coworkers than sisters. They didn't grow up together and they don't share as much DNA as you might think -- but they get along great, they work really well together, and just like a couple of similarly-named trained assassins I know, they both deserve admiration on their own terms. :)

-gailey

[electricaquarius]

Back on my bullshit with another 4am fanfiction, this time mostly focusing on my Tav, Joanna. This one takes place after the first Gale romance scene, when discussing if Gale has had any mortal lovers. There's angst and talk of a shitty relationship but nothing super bad. This one is so fucking self indulgent, I wrote it for me and absolutely no one else lmaooo

'Well, in the spirit of fairness then, would you like to know about my past beaus?' Joanna sipped her drink and settled more against Gale's side. Where his hand rested on her waist, he began using his thumb to stroke her.

'I must confess I am curious, but only if you're comfortable. Sharing an unpleasant memory is one thing, but I'd rather not have you reopen any wounds.'

Joanna smiled. 'You're very sweet, but I wouldn't have offered if I was going to go to pieces once I brought it up. First was a school mate, a teenage romance. They were content to live and die where we grew up, but I had no such love for the place. We naturally drifted once we left school. Last I heard, they were a cobbler's apprentice and looking to start a family. Truly, I hope they're doing well, and have the life that they want. We were just incompatible.'

'With a mind like yours, it's only natural you'd want for more.' Gale could hardly imagine his love married with children to someone so utterly lacking ambition. After all, it was something he had in spades.

'I suppose it's a great fault of mine. I always want it all.' Joanna shook her head, wiping away the thought that she'd never truly be happy. It was something the headmistress of the orphanage she'd grown up in had told her, and something she'd never quite been able to shake. Sensing her lost in thought, Gale pressed a kiss to her forehead.

'And why wouldn't you? In my opinion, you deserve it. Whatever it is you desire.' He had leaned in closer to whisper the last part in her ear, his touch rapidly becoming less chaste. Joanna giggled, a blush rising in her cheeks, and placed a hand on his chest.

'Come now, let me finish my tale of woe. Then we can focus on something more… entertaining.' Gale grumbled slightly and shifted from where he was sitting next to the fire, allowing them both to get more comfortable. 'Next came Jasper.' She sighed, and took a moment to gather her thoughts. 'He was a sweet one. We met at the Blushing Mermaid, do you know it?' Gale shook his head, not wanting to interrupt. 'It's a somewhat rundown pub in Baldur's Gate, near to the docks. Mostly sailors, sometimes dock workers, occasionally disreputable types. I was still young when I ventured in for the first time, looking for cheap drinks and a place to read quietly that wasn't my room. My… fascination with sailors and tales of pirates had a larger role than I'd like to admit in finding myself there.'

'What I also found was Jasper. Oh, he was the poster child for boyish good looks, believe me. Fluffy auburn hair, mischevious eyes, freckles, an easy smile… When he asked to keep me company I was quite shocked. I did draw some attention in there, it wasn't often they had young scholars learning Elvish tucked away in a corner, but most were content to leave me alone once they'd established I wasn't a spy. Anyway, I'm getting distracted.'

'You don't need to continue if you don't want to.' Gale's warm brown eyes met hers and she held their gaze for a moment. He scanned her face for any sign of discomfort but could sense none. She squeezed his hand.

'It's fine my love, it's all ancient history. From there it went as you'd expect, really. He told me I was beautiful, intelligent, like no one he'd ever met before. I found myself making excuses to spend more and more time at the Mermaid, just to see him. Then, he told me he loved me. Stupid me, I believed him.' She scoffed. 'Fed on tales of adventures on the high seas, I believed him. And for a time, I loved him, too. When I said he was sweet, I wasn't lying. He did everything to ensure that I was his. Words of adoration, a thousand soft kisses, little trinkets, he even wrote me a poem once. It wasn't particularly good, but I found it endearing.' Joanna scoffed.

The rage had been building in Gale's chest ever since she'd mentioned that magical l word. What was coming over him? He'd never known a sensation like this, something like jealousy mixed with regret and an intense desire to protect. He knew how her story was going to end, and with it brought a sense of intense ambivalence. On the one hand, he was filled with nothing but disgust for the scum that had mistreated her this way. On the other, he was glad for it to have ended at all, as the pain of his feelings being unrequited was too much for him to consider. His mind snapped back to the present as Joanna continued.

'Then came the seperation. His crew was shipping out and he couldn't possibly stay. I knew it was coming, but it still hurt. Though, that wasn't the end. He promised me he'd return, that he'd wait for me, send me letters every time he hit dry land. And he did, in the beginning. After the third letter his replies got shorter and shorter, then stopped altogether. I waited weeks to hear from him again, not knowing if he'd been swallowed by a kraken.' Joanna's voice was low and tense, full of pain.

Gale moved his hand to the small of her back and began to stroke small circles there. At this point he knew better than to stop her. This had moved from indulging his curiosity to venting something that had festered for a long time and needed to be let out.

'Then, I finally found out what he was up to. On my weekly visit to the Mermaid, I happened to run into one of his crewmates. They'd been back for several days already. I knew something was wrong, so I asked where he would be. They directed me to a local boarding house, and that's where I found him. Another young thing on his arm, far prettier than me but obviously just as dense. Gods know how many times he'd done it before me, or if he's learned his lesson by now. I doubt it.' She sniffled, hastily using the heel of her palm to wipe away a tear. 'Do you know, he didn't even try to explain. Didn't try to stop me. He… he made me feel quite not myself, for a long time.'

There was a long silence as Gale waited to ensure she was finished. He reached up to pet her hair and squeezed her tightly. His voice broke through the quiet after a moment. 'You didn't deserve it, you know? You were taken advantage of, and that's categorically not your fault. Quite frankly I am furious that someone as lowly as that felt like they had the right to mistreat you so. Please, feel free to point him out if we run into him once we reach Baldur's Gate. He's tangled with a wizard now, and is in need of a lesson he won't soon forget.'

A few sniffles and that soft, shaky laugh that broke through the tears bubbled up from Joanna's throat as she continued to cling to him. 'I can't say the prospect of him polymorphed into a sheep isn't entertaining, but he isn't worth the effort. Or the time spent thinking about him, any more.' She cleared her throat. 'Still, now you know the full history, what little there is of it. But that's all it is now. History. And best put behind us.'

'I couldn't agree more.' Gale pressed a kiss to her neck. 'Now, I believe there was the promise of something more 'entertaining' earlier….'

[itstimetodrew]

Can we get more NWH Goblin thoughts?

Can you?? CAN YOU???

yeah I always want to talk about him :)

I guess I will just...expand on my feelings of why I do and don't like him in the movie lol

SO!! I think there's a big difference between a choice being "out of character" versus a choice just being a different path for a character. I think his character makes sense, it's just less compelling to me personally. The conflict for him in the new movie is cool because it's about him (Normie hehe) realizing he doesn't have any say in this partnership. It's gone too far but he can't stop it. The thing he thought would help him gain control has instead taken it from him. Sad!

The downside to that though is now the movie just takes a black-and-white approach to 'Norman is good and the Goblin is bad' which is just...idk it's boring for me, sorry. Like I don't disagree with the themes that everyone deserves help, and even if you offer help that doesn't mean they will accept it or go along with what you think is right for them. But this is also where the complaints pop up from people who think this movie is too sympathetic about a power-hungry guy who makes his money off supplying weapons to the military and like...they aren't wrong lol

And while I like that whole 'out of control' aspect, him not having any personal stakes isn't as interesting. Like okay sure, he wants power, but why here? The MCU world is so much larger, he's a small fish in a big pond now instead of a big fish in the small pond that his original world is. Like I guess to try and fix it a bit you could have Norman/Goblin trying to get home because he wants to bring that tech back to his world where he'd get an even stronger foothold with it. Could further complicate the conflict of some villains wanting to go back while others want to stay...idk

And the family aspect isn't there either. A lot of OG Norman/Goblin's fixation on Peter/Spider-Man is out of misplaced paternal feelings be he has an actual son right there that he's ignoring lmao. I think one issue with the handling of multiverse stuff in these movies is they try to take a shortcut of 'well they're enemies because they're Spider-Man and the Green Goblin' but I need more! They just kinda keep the theme of Goblin trying to be an influence on New Peter without that underlying relationship to explain why it would even matter to him. I won't discount the justification of 'it doesn't have to make sense, he's being irrational' because sure, I do love a 'because I want to' self-sabotaging villain, but it's still a pretty half-assed excuse 😭

On that note, another drawback I see with the trend of franchises bringing back old characters is that they have to straddle a line of reminding viewers of The Thing Before but not being SO prominent they overshadow The Thing Now (imo this also happened with Pokemon at the end rip). It usually leaves the targeted fans coming back for nostalgia still unsatisfied anyway. Some reference is thrown out, or there's a hint of some interesting new take on an old idea, but that isn't what they're trying to market right now so it's not pursued. I'm still annoyed we got a fight scene of OG Spider-Man vs Green Goblin to the filming stage but by the final movie it's cut and they don't exchange a single word. 😒 The defense I usually see is 'that would be too much fanservice, move on from those characters' as if this isn't Fanservice: We Know You Can't Move on From These Characters - The Movie smh (and we had time for that stupid meme line AGH!)

OKAY now I'm complaining too much uhhh more good things lol I like his new little junk food habit. That's cute! :3 This would have killed in 2013...memes of this dude with little donuts and burritos everywhere...I want to see this self-important man asking high schoolers to explain what a crunchwrap supreme is and then making himself sick after downing 4 back-to-back. AND THE DILF SHIP!!! Yeah. Yeah that was an excellent development. I love their dynamic of 'SHUT UP I HATE YOU I HOPE YOU DIE AGAIN 🤬' vs 'huh??🥺..I thought we were friends...😢💔' swapping sides. It made me write like 30 years of lore in my head for them... 😔 (<- me, burdened and crazed with copious old man yaoi thoughts and lore for comic book movies)

Long story short he's gonna be the same case as my other favorite characters. Wish he was getting new material. Except I don't wish that because I don't think it would be very good. But I miss him so much. I will instead find satisfaction making stories in my mind and pouring over the bits of characterization I have from decades ago...my one true skill, my passion!! 💪

[sophieinwonderland]

hi sophie! i hope this isn’t asking too much but i need some support right now in terms of potential tulpamancy!!!

so i am in a DID system and we are polyconsious. i have been interested in tulpamancy for a while but i know my headmates don’t want to get into it, which is totally fine!! but i still want to do it personally, separate from them.

i’m wondering if it’s possible and safe for me to have my own tulpas that are just mine. like, our system is one circle, and then inside that circle there’s a circle named “M and their tulpas”.

and if i do get far enough to have tulpas, i don’t want them to be in the innerworld. i want them to be in my own wonderland, not in the innerworld. again imagine the circle thing !!!

i hope this made sense :( im kind of struggling because i really want to have my own little project but i know it could maybe effect my system and i don’t want it to. i just want it to be mine.

thank you so much for your time!!!!

-🪲🎮

Hi there! Thanks for the question!

Can you?

It sounds like, essentially, you're wanting to make a subsystem consisting of yourself and the tulpa with your own Wonderland that's separate from the larger inner world shared by the rest of the system.

So here is the good news. I think what you're asking is absolutely technically possible. If subsystems form naturally, making one intentionally through tulpamancy is definitely something that you could potentially do.

But just because you can do something doesn't mean it will be successful. Which brings us to...

Will you?

This one is much trickier. I don't think many people have tried what you want before, there are no guides on how to do it, and no statistics to say how likely it is.

Some things people say you can do are things that not every system will be able to achieve.

You could make a tulpa, and that tulpa could decide that they don't want to be isolated in your little pocket anymore. They have free will. Would you be able to keep them isolated if they wanted to interact with the rest of the team? I doubt you would once they are fully developed. And even if you were able to...

Should you?

I don't like the idea of making headmates without the rest of your system on board. It feels like you should convince them first to let you try, because as you say, this can affect the rest of the system and you don't know for certain what the outcome will be.

You've already thought of that.

But another thing I'm thinking is... how would I feel if I were created in a system, learned that there were all these other people in the system and a whole other inner world beyond my own... and then I'm forbidden from interacting with them or visiting that other world?

Would I be okay with that? Or would I feel lonely and isolated where I am? Why am I, essentially, being treated as a lesser headmate just because of my creation?

I think, from the tulpa's perspective, they deserve to be allowed to interact with the rest of the system they're brought into and explore as much of the inner world as they'd like just as you can.

My advice:

I wouldn't start unless your system agrees. They don't need to be involved in the creation if they don't want to, but make sure they're okay with it and that this isn't going to be a source for conflict.

After that, while you can start by interacting with the tulpa in your own Wonderland, make sure they know they have the option to leave if they want to. Give them the same freedom as other headmates.

If your tulpa doesn't want to interact with anyone else, and doesn't want to explore the rest of the inner world, that's completely fine. But they deserve to make that choice for themselves.

[miraiq]

Tingyun's canon-divergence/lore/verses:

How I intend to write her before the in-game events, during in-game events, and after. Spoilers, obviously, so I'll put it under a readmore just in case!

Some info is pulled from the Honkai Star Rail wiki, and in-game descriptions/character stories.

Italicized words is what has been pulled from official sources, if not then it is my own input.

General Information:

Gender: Cis Female

Species: Foxian / semi-long-life species (Average life expectancy is 300-400 years)

Sexual Orientation: BiSexual

Romantic Orientation: DemiRomantic

Height: Estimated 5'4" ft / 152~ cm

Visual Appearance Age: Estimated 25

Actual Age: Estimated 150-250, so let's go middle ground and say 200~

[source 1] [source 2] [source 3]

( v; before the storm. )

Takes place prior to the in-game events-- aka: before the Astral Express crew shows up on the Xianzhou Luofu.

[source]

Tinygun is just a typical happy, helpful, caring, and hard working foxian. She's known for striving for expansion and larger merchant venues and goods to help boost trade and economic functions(not that is it bad or declining, just wishes to help it grow). Has a high sense of morals and believes everyone deserves a second chance if they're willing to put in the effort. As long as you follow regulations and don't try to scheme your way through life or use underhanded tactics to achieve your goals, she is willing to aide however she can. Very attentive and cautious, always wishing for a compromise or discussion over any sort of violence.

She is an Ambassador and Head Representative of the Whistling Flames, a merchant guild officially approved by the Sky-Faring Commission.

Tingyun was always different from the others.

Foxians are synonymous with the quick and the agile. Their lightning-fast reflexes and keen senses have resulted in this, and it also makes for cheeky, playful juvenile Foxians. But Tingyun? This pointy-eared girl always looks fluffy and soft. Not only does she not vigorously pull on others' fur when meeting someone, she herself remains calm even if someone pulls on her fur. With an innocent smile and her sweet voice, she would even urge the other person to stop...

Most merchants carry weapons in self-defense while traveling, but Tingyun is an exception — she refuses to equip any weapons that do not conform to her style, such as blades, lances, swords, and halberds, which are strong but ungraceful. And she considers booby-traps like darts and needles to be too toxic and disgraceful.

Yukong has already planned on handing over the future of the Sky-Fairing Commission to Tingyun, but Tingyun doesn't know if she's truly qualified to take it on.

Tingyun will get the occasional migraine, hearing a voice on rare occasions but disregards it, thinking its just hallucinations due to overworking or being overly stressed. As the Stellaron Crisis progresses, the voice will make an appearance more often, and the longer the crisis goes on for, the louder and more frequent it shows up. Once again, Tingyun will ignore it thinking it's simply her being worried about the Luofu and the inhabitants as the presence of Mara grows more rampant and comes more common place.

She always one who tried to plan for worse case scenarios.. even asked by someone who had witnessed her burning seemingly unimportant pieces of paper one too many times why Tingyun was doing so, or more, what she was burning. She responded with: "Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."

( v; welcome benefactors. )

Takes place during in-game events-- aka: the Astral Express Crew shows up on the Xianzhou Luofu.

[source]

The voice is so loud she can hardly hear anything else besides it. Her head feels so full and as if something is constantly putting pressure on it, trying to weight it down as if to put her to the floor. Tingyun had been told about a rogue craft entering the Loufu airspace, and the alarming quantity of Mara-stuck surrounding the Cloudford. She takes a few Cloud Knights that she often has accompany her on more dangerous tasks, and heads to the area. She vaguely remembers the two most directly under her wing asking her if she felt alright, or asking for orders, or a plan, but she does not remember the responses she gave. Tingyun hears some unfamiliar voices, as as soon as she spots three individuals who she assumes are outworlders, all she can see is a bright purple and yellow light. The only thing she recognizes after this point is the feeling of her neck in extreme pain, the air escaping her lungs, and her body crashing to the ground.

Tinygun is taken over completely by Phantylia the moment her eyes spot the Astra Express crew. She is not present or in any way conscious during the entire trip the crew makes to the Xianzhou Luofu. All of "Tingyun's" actions and dialogue is Plantylia. Tingyun does not exist.

( v; gift of a second chance. )

Takes place after the in-game events-- aka: the Astral Express completes their mission in regards to the Stellaron Crisis and heads off to their next planet.

The name of the verse is a slight play on "gift of abundance"-- and will make sense by the end.

[source]

Tingyun had in fact passed away.. but only for a while. One of Tingyun's close Cloud Knight guards/companions had managed to get a hold of her body before the fight broke out after Plantylia revealed themself. Her body remained uninhabited and unresponsive for about five days. No one was able to come to terms with the loss, and postponed giving "the Returning"(the Starskiff sendoff) for Tingyun.. and they're glad they did. No one is quite sure how, but Tingyun woke.

No one is sure if it was the Ambrosial Arbor, the gift from the Aeon of Abundance, that took pity on the poor foxian, or if they simply wanted to right a wrong-- or if it was the fact that her body had been hosting a Lord Ravenger, one tainted with the blessing of Abundance, for an unknown amount of time that some of it's powers had lingered, granting the woman a sort of rebirth-- but Tinygun had to returned to them. Disoriented and confused, exhausted, and in mild pain, but alive non-the-less.

When asked if what the last thing she can remember was, she truthfully tells them that the last thing she can recall was standing in Cloudford and seeing three outworlders for but a moment before suddenly jumping to this very moment. Everyone seems hesitant to tell her the details, but with all of their reactions and questioning, she understands that it was most likely something bad, or something they didn't think she should know of. Tingyun is unsure which is worse, being left in blissful ignorance, or having knowledge of your unknown and unwilling wrong-doings. She decides to not make those around her choose, and doesn't press the matter, not wanting to upset anyone.. or herself.

Tingyun's life span gets extended due to the "gift of abundance" influence, giving her another 100-200 years more than the typical foxian life expectancy.

Tingyun does not know who March 7th, Dan Heng, the Trailblazer, or Welt are. She only vaguely recognizes Imbibitor Lunae, but more as a come-to-life legend, one only seen in history books and stories of Dan Feng's crimes.

When Tingyun aids in battle, she can now provide a buff as well as SLIGHT healing. Though not very good at it, or able to control it well, she can mend small injuries.

[source]

I mostly base the fact that Tingyun was under control/not just a puppet that can be replaced(example like Herta's multiple puppets)/not out in the universe somewhere waiting to be saved purely on the scene of Plantylia revealing themself. At the very end of the neck snap, as she starts to collapse, you can see briefly the way life drains from her eyes. We see something extremely similar to the Trailblazer back on Jarilo VI when they were impaled before gaining the blessing of Preservation.

But Tingyun my beloved deserves better so here we are. I honestly love having a main character truly be killed of/having bad consequences for a story/sad things occur. Not everything has to be a happy ending. But, I wanna write her so---

If you read this entire fanfic post to the end--- THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I spent almost 2 hours putting this together just on this post, not including the couple other hours spent looking at lore and other information regarding the aeons and any crumbs I could get of Tingyun.

[postmakergeneral]

A quick-ish ramble to sort out some feelings.

So... It's only the fifth of February. I don't usually keep to the larger internet, mind you, so I tend to be late to things. But, the fire has spread to my little spot on the internet where I take comfort.

What fire? The fire. That fire. You know the one. The fire of things ever changing, too fast to rest or to even understand. As soon as one thing settles in, it hits you with another and you're left just lost for a while.

I woke this morning a little later than usual. I've been composing or rearranging music in part to make my own, in part to understand music better. It's a struggle, one worth taking, but it eats time—

Anyways. I wake up and check the internet. See the news. Check my mail for rejected job applications. See something on reddit and—

I watch vtubers, of course I do. I'm an out and out weeb, struggling to learn Japanese alone. Anki discourages you within a week of study, though I blame myself for not immersing enough.

I didn't watch Selen. I guess she's Dokibird, now. I'll have to watch her next stream to show my support.

Nijisanji EN is burning. Has been a while, I guess. It's just game to see who's next. Live content is fast at making parasocial connections.

That's the word of post-quarantine media. Parasocial. Creators versus the audience. I say it like it's a fight, because it seems to be. Creators against themselves, trying to keep up good content. The audience, demanding but loyal. The sense of friendship watching the same person for years, though they may never see your comment.

We're all lonely here, in our own ways. Hear someone friendly enough refer to you as "you"—English lacking a plural you to differentiate. Even the streamer's lingo of calling the audience "chat", has this —effect of them pointing at the you behind the screen.

——

Later, as I was working through some backlogged videos, I learn Matpat is quitting. You too, huh? Thanks for all the early Youtube videos, though I fell off after FNAF 3. Feel a bit bad now, since the appeal of the lore has clicked in for me.

I don't know if Youtube/Twitch is a job in the same way accountant is. You know, that boost in popularity and in money. The unease of not knowing how much your next paycheck is.

But, retiring? That isn't quitting and finding a new job. That's... just not working anymore. And I get that he's not really quitting, but you know what I mean—he's not making this his thing anymore.

That's out there. Like, I know Matpat's a dad now. But, I always figured that these folks would retire 20 years or so before me. Like, we'd be balding, guts lapped over our belts when some youtuber had their 40th or so anniversary. Then, they say: "It's the last year for me." And we'd all cheer—we would have proven that internet media production is a life vocation. That with some luck and skill, we could live all our lives as Creators.

But Matpat et al aren't retiring because they've had a full career. They threw themselves into the fire and got tired of it. They're backing off from the internet for health and personal reasons, not because they're too old.

Better this, I suppose, than being asked to leave. Better this, than "selling out" and making worse content.

——

Speaking of "being asked to leave".... I get it now. I get what you were talking about when your favorite creator got cancelled. Because I just learned what my favorite creator has been up to—it's not great.

Compound that. What, for about 14 years? I'd say about that much. 14 years of quality, consistently improving content, near daily. Then, it hits that your favorite creator just did the fuck up of a lifetime and now—

Well, I have to come to terms with it. How am I supposed to feel about this? I'd say disappointed, but I... think I saw this coming.

I won't name names here. Dokibird deserves better, so she gets a mention. Matpat will have fanfare seeing him off—when we cry for him, it'll be out of respect.

This guy? He asked for quiet time, time to do better.

But at the same time, I know if I sit through the old content... I'll hear it. The things that pointed this way. I had the sense that he wasn't just going to put his foot in his mouth, but both his legs in there before long. And he did, massively.

I hope. That's hard word to say. Hope. I don't think I've had much of that a while. I want for him to do as he promises and be better. Apparently, other people have done the same.

—

Apparently, the drama tubers have gotten their mitts on the guy. Vultures, the lot, and so are we. But I don't watch drama tubers. I do watch people who interact with that bubble.

Last month or so, my newest favorite video esssayist—and while I haven't decided to drop the name yet, it's very obvious—decided to take on the legal basis of some youtube drama.

I was there for the section on the American financial system, like a good nerd.

That went... well, Icarus moment, for the guy. I don't think any of the fans were really there for the drama section, just for the legal analysis. Like, I've seen legal tube before. I'm sure you have. I was full on expecting for the rest of the legal analysis to drop, like he'd pull out a different case entirely to examine what had happen before.

I think the video's gone now. But, internet. Do check out his stuff. There's more than law in there. I think I'd call it anthropology, or just the analysis of how culture came to be. Is that the same thing?

—

I don't feel better. This was supposed to make me feel better. I was supposed to confront my emotions and process them until I was happy(er). And I'm not.

Do people still do these? A strange little diary of the moment? It's very Tumblr to me. Carve out a little place for yourself. No one will see what you make. No one will care. Freedom, at its best and worst. Too much to do and too little at the same time.

There's a sense of welcomed imperfection here. I won't likely get much love for what I do on here, nor will I get any critique. A diary made public, for no one to see. Wonderful. That's exactly what I wanted from my social media.

Odd. I don't want to interact or others to interact with me much. Here I am, just shouting into the void because the beach is closed.

—

Some other notes before I let you leave.

Palworld exists. It's in odd space, seemingly trying to step on toes. But it's really not the better version of Pokémon I was looking for. It doesn't have better story or gameplay.

I have SMT and Persona (which I like less than mainline) for that.

The Apollo Justice trilogy finally dropped, saving some wonderful games and stories from rotting on the 3DS. Citra, of course, exists, but those games refuse to run on there.

I'm playing around with other hobbies. Maybe I should try daily writing. This time, I might actually post it. I think my creative writing is more structured than this, but probably not. Every once in a while, I think up a decent phrase and wonder if I should try again.

Honestly, this here is out there for this blog. This is a post whatever, whenever I just made blog. I guess this counts.

I think it's time. I need to touch grass. I need a job.

And I'm very tempted to hit the Enlist button.

Thanks for reading.

Bye.

[thewingedmuse]

Hi hope your doing well,Could I participate in your petals for your words game

Question: what will my marriage to my future spouse be like

Initials:p.m

Pronouns:she /her

Favorite flower

Why I like it:is becoming it’s a flower that I love to look at .And I have loved it since I was a child.For it’s color and shape and the fresh clean smell that’s earthy ghat I enjoy.

Thank you so much if you do my reading

Hello! Thank you for joining a petal for your words. Dividers are from firefly-graphics.

Cards: The Tower, The Moon (r), Two of Wands

Might rain during wedding night. I feel that your marriage will be one that's marked by strength and companionship. You might go through a lot of hardships with this person and have separated for a while but you keep coming back together with each other. It's like fate that you keep bumping into each other and be at the background of each other's minds and before you knew it you're back together stronger as ever. They might have had a tendency of shirking responsibilities but I feel that after getting serious with you they'd have changed a lot especially once they are married to you. They begin to take up the role of the provider, wanting to protect your heart and this little haven that you both create. They might have a rough past but you changed them. They begin to soften with your love and actually self reflect because they want to be deserving of you.

I sense playful banters in your marriage. Looking at the two barking dogs in the moon card just makes me laugh lol. These two dogs look like they're arguing but really they're just fighting over some trivial stuff and bantering with each other for fun, like you two. Your future spouse will have an obviously larger stature than yours and would look intimidating at first sight. However they don't intimidate you because they're a honey bear when it comes to you. You wrap them around your finger basically. They will spoil you. They aren't good with words but they'd try their hardest to impress you, show you romantic gestures, read you love poems they found on the internet, even learn how to bake you a cake even if they feel silly wearing mittens and their hands hurt. They just want you to be happy. They have a smile that would warm you up from the inside.

You like to challenge each other. The main theme in your connection involves inspiring each other to become better and better, whether it is a better person, a better wife or husband or a better communicator, etc. I get that you like to challenge each other in sports too! In that case it would be so exciting because you both are very competitive. To them, you're playful, wise and supportive. They know that even on rough days you'd be their warmth and a voice of reason; you're soft like a pillow, they want to hug you so much. To you, they're a lighthouse. Just being in their embrace makes you feel safe, loved and understood. On days where you feel nobody understands you, they do; they speak you. They have a message for you — they want you to take care of yourself even if they're not here yet. Their energy when giving this message feels like hot water/soup in an insulated bottle. They want to gift you this bottle just to keep you warm. “Wait for me,” they say.

The flower I have for you is a peach peony!

Your energy feels mature and wise - but you have an unmistakable playful charm! People who know you know that they've found a gem. You're always there for people you love. Your loyal and reassuring presence instantly makes them feel calmer.

I hope that you enjoyed your reading! Please leave feedback on what resonated and what didn't. Have a lovely day!

[gre-chankas-stuff]

*sprinkles some heavy LORE into the fic* <3

But, KAHEM, anyway. Yup, that's the part three I finally finished. Enjoy!

! - more of the Shared Control AU can be found at @sharedcontrolau

[This thing is roughly 3 000 words and like 11 pages on google docks so be prepared]

---

And the universe said-

("Ice coffin". part 3)

The other- the Kris of this fucked up world was asleep. Deep in their slumber, with such peace on their face; it feels like it's been a while since they slept happily and undisturbed by terrors, and...

Kris, the one that held the other, felt the absolute rage waking within them. They were furious. And it wasn't like the rage Player experienced during the fight, no.

Player's anger is a full bottle of water that was left in the fridge for a day. It grows with time, trying to seep through the lid, until the plastic can't hold it anymore; until the whole bottle just. Combusts, not being able to accommodate the mass.

They couldn't be angry for long, because even if the water cracked it's vessel, it wouldn't grow anymore. It wouldn't turn the insides of the whole fridge into gigantic cube of ice.

Kris' rage is completely different, alien to themselves. It was deep, deep hatred; unfamiliar and cruel. Kris never thought they could experience such emotion, maybe because, if they didn't get to this world, it wouldn't have even existed.

Yet, it's here, and it's howling. It wants Kris to guogle Its eyes out, urges them to bite into Its throat so it wouldn't be able to speak and breath, and fucking die a pitiful death It deserves, choked on its own blood.

Kris' rage is a heavy sleeping beast that, when awoken, will not be stopped until its source is destroyed.

Still, Kris is gentle with their other self. Gentle, in a way that they check for sure that Kris didn't awoke with rough treatment, in a way that when hauling them onto their back with Player's help, they tentatively wrap their hands under the other's ankle.

(They're already hurt enough. There's no need for more.)

Player purses their lips, starting to move with added weight. Kris feels their unease, uncertainty, but before they could ask about it Player says:

“I think I should leave before it escalates into a larger mess.” They say, waiving between buildings. “'ya know, with Susie and Ralsei; so as not to scare them. I… I doubt they knew about it before.”

There's a sense of growing hollowness, but Kris replies before Player could fully leave, only for a moment faltering their steps:

* Don't tell me excuses when they're so lame, sib. I'm not scared of you. I don't blame you.

‘I never would’ went unsaid, but it was expressive enough. It would've been almost pathetic for Kris to hear their own voice, tiny and vulnerable, but they couldn't help that childish part of them saying,

* …so stay.

And that forced their body to fully stop in front of a sewer hatch. Kris was aware that their hands shook, but wasn't sure who of them to blame for that: Player, or themselves.

Their partner stayed silent. Kris feels bittersweet emotions swell under their heart, guilt crashing with relief, and hears equally small “Okay.” in reply.

With that, they both jump into sewers.

***

Susie begins to feel a pang of worry settle in her stomach. They, she and Ralsei, didn't see Kris once after that crossroad, and, well. Considering how often they took damage it was fair to worry.

"Oh, there's the castle!" She hears Ralsei say. Lifting her head up she, indeed, found a big castle, standing almost threateningly in the distance.

Susie shifted her gaze at the red carpet that stretches from the gates to where they stand, trying hard not to think that, despite King's being much bigger, it didn't seem as menacing with Kris by her side.

She rubbed her arm subconsciously. It wasn't time to think about it.

Plus, there were other things to worry about. Susie never would consider intuition her strongest trait, but something in her gut screamed of wrongness, and she fears it might be right. That something indeed happened, or happening, or going to happen, and that Kris will get hurt again-

"I hope Kris' fine." She finds herself saying aloud, just to lift the long stretched silence, and stop her spiraling thoughts.

Out of corner of her eyes, Susie notices how Ralsei's face twists with some emotion she can't really pick, and replies, "I hope so too."

And so, they stared ahead, at the entrance of the Queen's mansion. It feels hollow. It feels wrong.

(A Susie from the past would've laughed, loud and bash, with malice, that she from now cherishes someone she really knows for a day. It makes you weak, she'll say.

The present Susie would've beaten that punk right that instant, if they indeed will meet.)

But in their pause, they hear footsteps. They're familiar, with a catch Susie can't put her fingers on, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter, because-

Because it's Kris.

She snaps her attention towards the sound first, ready to say that they finally found each other, where the Hell have you been all this time, and stops.

Because there's two Kris'.

One standing, confident in the actions, staring them square in the faces, hair slightly obscuring their vision; and the other unconscious on the first's back.

She blinks. Kris' doppelganger seems to blink with her.

"What the..?" She stutters, but quickly gets out of her confusion. "Who are you and what have you done to Kris!?"

The stranger cringes at the volume (which is fair, she did scream), but sucks their breath, and says:

“I'm going to explain later, but now, we don't have much time.” They stammer, rather urgent and rambly. “We need to find Noelle, before something goes deeply wrong, and I need help.”

Susie almost flinched when Ralsei spoke, in a harsh tone that sounded very wrong out of his mouth. "What did you do?"

It shouldn't have surprised her, Kris was his friend too, but, well, he was the last person she was expecting to say that. Hell, she really was a bad example, huh?

No, no, it's no place to stray her attention.

The stranger was about to answer, she saw their mouth opening, but it was shut just as fast with a kick. They lowered their head slightly, and eyes, that weren't seen before, that was so unmistakably Kris', were peering from the wild mop of dark hair, narrowed. They took a breath, and in the voice of her friend, spoke:

* Nothing. They did nothing.

They- Kris- whoever the Hell it is twist their feet, facing the entrance of Queen's castle. They shook their head, perhaps at some random thought that entered their mind.

* As we said before, we need to go. We don't have much time to spare.

They marched towards the mansion. At that moment, Ralsei got out of his stupor and sputtered.

"K-Kris!?" He cries inquiringly, quickly running after them. "Kris, wait! Where are you going!?"

His yells and questions are heard until they pass the gates.

...And that leaves Susie alone, on this stupid red carpet, and completely and utterly baffled. Ha, and here she thought the dark world can't get any weirder.

So she just stares. And stares, and stares, until she can't take it anymore. With a groan, Susie runs after them, once again rethinking current events.

Despite what everyone seems to think, Susie considered herself to have rather… average brain capacity. What the others thought, is that she was a plain idiot, simple as that.

Guess what, as stupid as Susie is, she wasn't a moron. She knows something's up. You need to be def and blind, or be Berdly to not be able to see it.

Kris, their Kris, was definitely the one unconscious; their hair were shorter than the aweke's, no doubt from the battle in the almost beginning of their journey to Cybercity, when a random attack chopped it off. It was a new development, that attacks can now interact with them, not just weaken.

But that begged the question: who is the other? Are they Kris too? Can the dark world straight up duplicate them or what!?

Susie's head began to throb just recapping what happened, and probably will kill her with a headache if she starts to muse about possibilities.

God, being Kris' friend is so hard sometimes… She wouldn't trade it in the world.

In any case, she needs to find them before they run off into the sunset or something. Shouldn't be hard, considering Susie still hears Ralsei from afar.

She scans the rooms quickly, one by one, sometimes jumping over fallen furniture. Susie ducks, and slides, and rounds the corners one, two, tree, four, more times than she can count. She twists, avoiding enemies and deadly pictures (who even made them!?), and Ralsei's cries become louder by the second, so she runs into that door and- bingo, she found them.

Susie stops, heaving her breath, and watches as Kris (?) puts the other Kris down. Her gaze lines on their face for a moment, with far too many cuts and abrasions lightening their skin for it to be normal, and slightly bares her teeth.

"So." Susie growls, forcing attention to herself. "Are you gonna explain what the Hell happened?"

The Kris lookalike stares at her for a moment. She notices how Ralsei was about to start the next terade, maybe asking more questions, but the stranger beats him to it, closing their eyes and sighing deeply. Their hand burrows in their hair, face troubled, slightly tugging it.

“Yes,” They say, in the same voice as before. “I am.”

They turn their head again, towards another door that Susie saw only now. They open their eyes, blue eyes, the hand on their head falling down.

“But first, Noelle needs to be here too.” They gesture on that door. “She's there. I would've gone myself, but… Uh, considering what happened about half an hour ago, I doubt it would be a good idea.”

Susie narrows her eyes. "What happened half an hour ago?"

They cringe.

“Bad things.” They reply. “Very bad things.” They ponder about the answer for a moment. “It's already dealt with, if I can say that, but consequences are… Far bigger to just be forgotten.”

They clap their hands, and the gesture might've been playful, if not for the seriousness of the situation.

“So I need everyone before I start really talking.”

She stares, clenching her hands into fists. Susie understands what they are implying, for her to confront Noelle because she's the only person the deer trusts, but-

"Look, weirdo, you're either telling us everything right this instant or lose your fucking face." She said, using her whole height to tower over them. "I don't care if your goal is to enlighten us or whatever, but something happened to MY FRIENDS and if it's because of you I will not hesitate to break your every bone."

Susie sees how the color of their eyes deeps to gold, — analyzing her, judging maybe, — before switching accents into more orange. They're feeling brave, she thinks.

“That is not my goal-”

"I said I don't care-"

“-because my goal is to make sure that the remaining people get out of here in one piece and preferably not terrified out of their mind.”

And that shuts her efficiently.

“That is the reason for Noelle to be here.” They say with finality in their voice. Their face twists a little, a sorrowful grimace evident in their features, and the light of bravery in their eyes dulls into gray. “Now, please. Your help is needed.”

Susie bites her lips to the point until it hurts. She takes a big breath, stopping looming over them. "Okay." She says. "Okay. But you're going to explain everything. With no exceptions."

They nod their head.

With a little hesitance, Susie opens the door to Noelle's room. Before she closes the door, though, she hears them say “Don't lie to her.“

She snorts. Wouldn't dreamed of that.

***

The door shuts with a click.

In normal circumstances, Ralsei would've said something along the lines of Wonder what are they doing there, to distract It, but… Now, it was everything but normal.

* You're wary of them.

He flinches, snapping his gaze down to see that Kris is still unconscious, which means-

Ralsei hears an amused huff, and sees that the stranger, — or, rather, second Kris now, — turned to face him fully. They have piercing, red eyes, brighter than of a Kris he knows, and far more confident attitude.

* You are wary.

He clenches his jaw. "Can you blame me?"

They redirect their gaze towards Kris, and with sadness in their voice reply:

* No.

The silence stretches a bit. Ralsei shook his head, and asked a question that was invading his thoughts, "Does it treat you like a human?"

* Don't call them ‘it’.

They turned their eyes to him, narrowed slightly.

* They might not mind that much, but that doesn't mean they won't be hurt by it.

He blinked.

"Noted." He says hesitantly. "But my question still stands."

They analyze him for a moment, perhaps wondering if Ralsei's serious about it, before replying:

* Yes, they do.

He nods. "That's good."

…

After some time in silence Ralsei hears a loud ha, and begins to blush stupidly, up until every color leaves his face, when it continues into “Kris was right! You're so awkward about it!”

He stutters. "You're-"

“Here?” It- They ask, sounding almost playful. “I am. We both are, actually. It's a rather strange system by how it works, so don't bother.”

* I just wanted to prove a point.

"What point are you proving by scaring me!?" He yells scandalized. (And surprised that Kris wasn't woken up by their banter.)

* That you two need to talk.

Ralsei thinks he stopped breathing for a moment.

"W-what?"

“We do.” They reply. “To clear some misunderstanding.”

He can't do that. It's not supposed to be like that in the first place, no, he can't- "I don't think I-"

In an instant, their hands lay on his shoulders, pushing him down to sit near the door. Ralsei blinked, too shocked to do more.

He watches as They, whoever it might really be, sit at the different side of the door, near where they put Kris. “So, let's talk.”

There's a pause, while they muse about the question, and Ralsei considers for a moment to just run like Hell, when they finally ask:

“What do you think happened with Kris?”

...And that makes him stop. He might feel ashamed later, but, well, Kris is his friend, and if They are Kris' friend too, then, maybe, he also can trust them. Just a little.

So he decides to be honest.

"Heaven took them under its control."

He doesn't need to turn his head to know that they're watching him. They humm.

“Then I was right about ‘Angel's Heaven’ meaning us, as Players.” They chuckle, turning away. “You weren't wrong about it, though. Kris indeed got under one's control.”

Ralsei snaps his gaze towards them, feeling dread forming in his gut. They purse their lips, mulling over some thought.

“Say,” They begin. “Do you know anything about… a state called ‘Fallen down’?” Then, they shake their head. “No, I probably should ask Susie, or Noelle. They might know.”

"I… I do know, but not beyond that in this state, a lighter, er, monster is not alive, but also not dead." He says softly, but it makes them freeze all the same.

They blink, eyes turning aquamarine. “So it exists, huh.”

He nods, then frowns.

"You… weren't sure if it existed. That means you didn't hear about it before." Ralsei says slowly. "How did you even know what it was?"

They snort. Then laugh, and despite being booming it, for some reason, sounds rather sad. After a moment they stop to take a breath.

“You know about us, but you don't know us, do you?” They say, bending their knees and moving them closer to their chest. “I've seen a lot. Like, really, really a lot. That's how.

You know, I've seen blossoming worlds, with peaceful life, with people so kind they helped every stranger; and you just can't say no when they ask for your help. In one there was an island, I think, that you could reshape for yourself. Or the one with a farm, with crops for every season in one single village; it was fun.

And I've seen hostile worlds, where a step in the wrong direction can send you into Hell, losing all your progress. It doesn't mean they were bad, really, it was a tough challenge! Knew some people that almost lived in one of them, though I find those worlds a rather big struggle; the looped ones especially. Managed to complete several of those, but well. Guess it wasn't my piece of cake.

But, ah.” They pause for a moment, putting their head on their knees, closing their eyes. “There's also… dying worlds. That struggle to exist, or just want it all to end.

That's where we come in.” They smirk in a dark way. “You see, Players exist for a purpose. Most worlds, peaceful or challenging, we consider a game, because it is a game, in some way. People in those worlds don't know that we're not like them, don't understand that we come and go for fun.

But, when at least one person knows something is wrong… it means the world is unstable. It means it can be destroyed. That's why we are the way we are; to either save the world from collapsing, or finish it.”

They turn to Ralsei, their dark, dark eyes, that hold too much truth, seeping into his soul. It makes him shudder.

“We are quite powerful, aren't we?” They say, in almost a whisper. Watching his face morph into horror, they snorted, and all the menacing energy was gone just as fast as it appeared. “But, the problem is — this world is stable. It can't be changed. That's why you know the legend of ‘banishing Angel's Heaven’. It's we that actually break it, because of one little crack.”

They scowl, facing still asleep Kris. “That's what the other tried to do.” They insert their hand into their hair, massaging their head lightly. “We, Kris and I, cut the connection, so whoever that was is not gonna be a problem anymore.”

They sigh.

“But there needs to be damage control.”

He shifts anxiously. "Did…" Ralsei speaks for the first time. "Did Kris know about all of that beforehand?"

They nod, hand's falling down.

* I did. They didn't tell me it in this dramatic way, but yeah.

Kris huffed.

* After I heard they can just casually destroy my home I freaked out big time, which was twice in one day. Though I wasn't aware of the meaning of Angel's Heaven.

“Also, Ralsei of our world knows too. And I told him it all the exact same way as you.” They snicker. “Both of your faces were priceless.”

Ah. Ralsei only now understood that it was a joke. How embarrassing.

He fiddlers with stray strings on his clothes, humming uneasily. What takes Susie so long, anyway?

The other seem to think of this too, because all their funny attitude disappeared like smoke, setting on a grim expression.

They shake their head, standing up. “I'm gonna check-”

And, as if on clue, Susie burst out of the door, looking furious out of her mind. Behind her was Noelle, with a sickly pale face and trembling arms.

From down here, Ralsei hears their Kris groan. Must've been all the noise finally getting to them, huh.

He sees them opening their eyes, and oh dear.

"Kris!" He's beside them in an instant, already healing their body.

"KRIS!" Susie barks at the same time, making them cringe. She doesn't notice this, or doesn't care, and takes them by the collar. "KRIS, WHY THE HELL YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU WERE FUCKING POSSESSED-"

"Susie, stop, you'll make it worse-!"

"I WILL NOT UNTIL THEY TELL-"

A cough. They all turn to the… Player, was it?

“They couldn't.” They begin, rather awkwardly. “They didn't tell you because they really just couldn't.”

Susie's face twists as she lets go of Kris' collar, and marches towards them. "And you."

"You knew about it, right?" She asks. "That's why you wanted all of us here?"

Player winces, but nods. “That's one of the reasons, yes.”

"If… If it's one of the reasons…" Noelle's mumble from behind, frightened, refusing to watch anything but the floor. "Then the other..?"

Their face crumble with far too many emotions to pick one, eyes changing hues from vibrant to saturated, until the only one color that's left is gray.

“...The other is to try and fix this mess.”

***

Noelle… didn't know what to do.

Susie briefly explained their adventures as a party of three. About the world, the legend, or how she remembers it, the friends she made.

Then, she started to tell about the stranger wearing Kris' face. Susie told her how they met, which was roughly an hour ago. How then they spoke in Kris' voice, and then different.

Noelle asked if the voice was scary. Susie replied that, no, it wasn't. If anything, she said, it was soft and melodic, even when they spoke seriously. Even when they threatened.

The voice Noelle remembered never was soft, nor melodic, so she assumed it as a different one.

Susie also told her the last words they said, which was "don't lie". Then, she said, embarrassed, that she thought of letting her think all this was a dream, only after entering the room understanding that it counted as a lie.

"It would've been merciful." Noelle told her right after.

She was never particularly strong-willed, nor did she think of herself as strong in general. Up until today, of course, when she was proved wrong about the last one; but… when Susie asked her what happened, she just.

Broke.

Noelle told her everything. From the beginning, where she only got in this dark world, to when she met Kris. From her first kill, to giant crystal of ice, to that voice that haunts her every thought. She even showed the Thorn Ring she doesn't even remember putting on.

(She didn't know if she cried during that, or not, and honestly doesn't want to find out.)

So now, watching Susie and Ralsei, — was that his name? — getting the truth out of Kris bit by bit, she felt… almost poetically hollow.

Noelle's just sitting here, leaning against the wall, thinking about being nothing really. What a joke.

“Are you okay?”

To her credit, she didn't scream. Actually, the only thing she did was flinch, but thinking about how she learnt to not react at all makes her sick.

"No." She replies softly, hiding her head in her knees.

The other is silent for a moment.

“Do you… need help removing that?”

Noelle blinks and turns to her companion. "What?"

Now she sees their face and, really, they are like Kris. The only thing betraying them are the eyes, concerned and vibrant green.

Well, she thinks, they did explain that they borrow Kris' body for an indefinite amount of time for now; something about training the switch and socializing? Doesn't matter.

“Y'know,” They gesture to her hand. “the ring.”

She follows it with her gaze and, "Oh." She completely forgot about that. Noelle probably needs to take this off.

They wince at her answer. “I don't think you still should wear it. Looks painful.”

"It is." She agrees.

“...so?”

She nods. "Yes, please."

She tentatively gives them her hand. They lighter around her finger for a moment, almost as if searching for a button to press. A moment later, with a triumphant ‘aha!’ they pull it apart, sliding it off without a fuss.

Noelle just kind of stares at her bloodied hand for a second, feeling the strange fog in her mind finally retreat. She stares, and stares, until it hits her: she's… free.

Noelle thinks she's shaking, cradling her hand to herself, she lets herself cry; and when her savoir pulls her into their warm hug, she only cries harder.

‘Maybe’, she hopes, she prays, ‘everything will be okay.’

Author's note: that's the end of this snowgrave x shared control story and I'm NOT planing to continue it anymore, so that's what happen after that last bit with Noelle:

---

Chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3 [You are here]

---

The FUN gang + Noelle gets out of the dark world after the looong therapeutic talk with the Player, beating the living shit out of Spamton (sibling duo helped with that one), and also spillin' the tea to Queen, and they are IN SHAMBLES; sc!Kris and sc!Player both wake in their own world at like 3 AM and also have A Talk about whenever is WAS a dream or they just saved some parallel universe from destruction

That's all

[muffindaddystyles]

KISMETS (Part 2)

Harry Styles x fem!reader.

Slow burn, platonic love and bunch of affection.

Fluff! Smut! Smut!

Frenemies to lovers, dad!Harry, Bestfriend!Harry.

Author's Note: The concept's kinda weird but if you've watched F.R.I.E.N.D.S and Phoebe Buffay carrying child for someone. You've got it my pal!

MASTERLIST PART ONE PART 3

"Oh pet . . you're jealous innit?" He swipes the tip of his finger over the waffle picking the puff of cream and swallowing it whole, "'M not! Why'd I be?" She squeals kicking at his boots.

"Always told me y'had a candy crush at Harold." He smirks mischievously. Spitting truth. She smacks his bicep with a wide open mouth.

Or

Y/N's carrying Harry's babies and is trying not be angry at him for pulling her into all of this with him.

//

Red's everywhere. It makes her pout. Everyone have someone to celebrate the day but she's the only one giving careless ears to Niall who's sitting opposite from her in the crispy lilac heart booth, "Mean ye' fought again with him?" He stirs the mango bobas in his drink wiggling his brows at her to fill him with some tea. She gasps full of drama and surprises, "What d'ya mean 'again? D'ya think 'm this crackhead that rips people in two for no-reason?" She whispers the last part when a waitress passed by them.

"No. Pet what 'm sayin' is --- you're too, feisty with Harry." He chuckles leaning to meet her betrayed gaze, "Did he bribe you with new golf stick? You've switched sides." She juts her bottom lip wet from pink marmalade drink and startles in her spot when Niall cackled ever so loud at her silliness.

"I just tol' him to go through Chessie marathon somewhere else than my home." Harry was at her flat as always. She was making red velvet strawberry flavoured muffins for the moment ( promised not to give it to Harry — "even if he'll beg") and then she fulfilled her promise when she saw him going through his pictures together with Chessie. The jealous little Y/N jumped out from her polite skin and she just tinsy bit mocked him, "I'd never look back at the person who'd have left me and my children. . ." That broke a mighty bit argument between the two idiots. How they're gonna take care of two babies when they themselves need a person to put them away from eachother?

"Oh pet . . you're jealous innit?" He swipes the tip of his finger over the waffle picking the puff of cream and swallowing it whole, "'M not! Why'd I be?" She squeals kicking at his boots.

"Always told me y'had a candy crush at Harold." He smirks mischievously. Spitting truth. She smacks his bicep with a wide open mouth. Sighing he grabs Y/N's hand knocking some sense into mama bear gently and making her nod with the each advice, "'s valentine's day 'course he misses her. His wounds are fresh they need ointment babe -- You've always been so good with him, what's the matter now?"

She circles her fingers round eachother. Sucking her lip harshly and not meeting Niall's intense stare, "Turns me mad that 'cos of one person we're here now." She mumbles caressing the belly button protruding from the flimsy fabric of her oversized hoodie.

"It's the fate, pet. Always tol' me how much you liked kids." She shakes her head in denial. "Not in this situation where 'm lost and doesn't know how it'll work out — " He cuts her off with concern.

"Talked to Harry bout it?" When she again denies he asks, "What you're gonna do about it then?"

"Dunno. Share?" She's new to all of this. What did she actually mean was that they could do it like how divorce parents do it, maybe? Doesn't know how Harry wants to handle the situation just leading a blind eye with him. Hasn't even considered getting ready for the life that'll come along with them.

"They're babies not a packet of crisps, Y/N!." He burst into giggles and she huffs slumping against the foggy window, "Pain in arse you're." She scoffs that pout still intact the whole time while Niall keeps on giggling finding it too funny.

. . .

Walking from the elevator to her flat's door seems like hiking a mountain for her and cherry ontop that the stares she gets from her neighbours is full of judgments. It makes her want to hide underneath her blankets and never pop her head out. Her brows coming together in wonder at the sight of small wood basket at her doorsteps.

"Oh my god don't tell me someone left a baby at my doorsteps, Hello!!!??" She spins here and there but finds no-one but empty hallways when a feeble sound coming from inside it almost made her tumble on her bum. The last thing she wants is not another baby. With a grunty noise she ducks down to lift the basket supporting it at her belly and unlocking the door while trying to squint inside it.

When she throws the lid away a fuzzy little grey creature with big mossy eyes was pawing in air needy for attention, a red choker with heart in centre around her lil neck. It almost brought her to tears. Blame her being extremely emotional these days.

"Awww. Hi!" She fawns picking it up from armpits inspecting the miracle kitten that's here outta no where. A crumpled note laying in the basket with a bunch of colourful disoriented flowers.

"'M sorry fo' throwin' a tantrum and leavin' all fussy. This's oreo. I want her to grow along my kids! Also forgive mee plssssss?"

She giggles throwing her head back snuggling oreo against her throat as she meowed adorably sweet, "Daddy's such a daft ehh?" She says in between breaths petting the new addition to her loved ones.

The first thing she does is call him and he picks on the very ring as if anticipating for it, "Come back home you fool." His smile was infectious as he taps his feet in his car a lil over joyed at the thought.

"So generous." Running upstairs as he used to in oast with anticipation to spill the tea of his day to her in any hour of the day. The door was already open, them standing at the either boundary line of flat. His first priority's always to shower his babies in evermost affection. Falls to his knees smushing his face to her belly quenching outta a ribs aching laugh from her as he caress his cheeks against the soft side of her womb murmuring things that's a secret between him and his babies.

"Hey Angels!" He greets them patching a loving tight kiss atop her belly button that tickles her softly, stands up and meets her teary gaze from laughing with much serenity it knocks breath from her, "Hi mama angel." His whisper fuses against her skin while kissing her cheek.

"Hi. ." She inhales in his woodish vanilla scent. Preventing from melting into his arms she pulls him back from shoulders grinning at him, "Let's ruin valentines watchin' Anne Hathaway's romcom." He tuts instead leading her with him to the sofa.

"Can't be better than that –— let me pop in some popcorns real quick."

. . .

The yellow carpeted floor's littered with candy wrappers, packets of half folded crisps, peach sodas and an empty bowl of popcorns. Oreo snoozing in her basket. They're on their fourth romcom. Her legs in his lap. His's on coffee table. He chuckles everytime she takes almost three minutes to be in a comfortable position, ushering her to sit up so he could put cushions under her.

"Are you craving nama chocolates?" She eyes him nipping at her blanket trying to snuggle closer to him. He runs his thumb at her shoulder blade in soothing circles peering down at her, "'m not pregnant. ye're moppet. havin' a sweet tooth?" When she nods sheepishly he shakes his head quickly hoping on his feet.

"Don't be shy --- dunno where ye' got this giddiness from, 'm your bestie. Gotta tell me yeah? Lemme grab me jacket." He grabs her from wrists helping her up and goes to her wardrobe to get her fist gloves, beanie and warm slippers.

When hears her huffing and puffing grunty-ly his head perks up with brows furrowed, "What's it babe?" He pads towards her and when she turns for him to have a look the zip of her jacket bursts open all the way to end revealing her bump.

She pouts sadly, "Nothin' fits me anymore." He just smiles adorning the same puppy look in his eyes as her's to light up the tension.

"I'll buy ye' new. Those cute maternity clothes, ehh?" Shimmies down the clothing from her shoulders, "oi you don't have to!" She retorts and he bobs his head taking his own puffer jacket off to wrap it round her small body.

"Yes I do." He mumbles zipping her all the way up warm and squishy in his jacket three sizes larger than her. Pulls her hair out and cups the nape of her neck with his calloused soft palm bringing her closer to feather a delicate kiss to her temple, ". . .deserves more than just clothes — deserves the world always gonna be thankful to ye, pet." She gulps the cobweb of silence down her throat fiddling with the hem of his sweater.

"What you'll wear? 'S cold." He gives her an elfin grin flaring a baby pink knitted cardigan he sneaked from her wardrobe, "Harry!" She squeals with a giggle, "You're gonna look like grann Matlinda."

"Ehm. 'etter not forget to send her a picture when 'm matchin' with her." He quips snapping his fingers.

. . .

They walk over the glittery layer of slushie snow and Harry walks infront of her two steps at a time capturing pictures of her as she prowls carefully trying to move the hood away from blocking her vision, "Ye'r walkin' like a penguin -- cutie!" He giggles with each echo of flash.

"Look who's saying an otter himself!" She mimics him and he blushes under the mellowness of street lamp. They're champs at pulling eachother's legs.

"It's soooooo slippery." She complains wiggling her fingers from under the sleeve, "Grab me hand 'n don't leave it kay?" He smiles like advising a three year old who's afraid of crowds in a market. His grip warm and safe for her.

. . .

"Aish. gimme gimme!" She gets all jumpy on her toes when Harry comes out of the shop with a box of chocolates and two sticks. "'Ey greedy pup." He chuckles booping her button nose opening the silky lid of box revealing the velvety delcious chocolates. He picks the stick up taking a piece of chocolate with it and hovering it over her little mouth. Scrunching his nose at how adorable she gets the moment she chews it.

"Hmm. 'S so soft!" She gulps wetting her cold lip getting all butterfly feeling when she catches him gazing down at her as if she hung the moon and saturns. Raises her brow for an inquiry if he's okay tugging him closer with a gentle clutch to his cardigan.

Their surroundings turning into ice crystals of blur carelessness, the noises of glimmering lights into lulls of whisper and their bodies cocooning into snuggly blanket when Harry's fingertips fluttered tenderly against her cheeks glueing her at the spot. Leans in to press his lips softly to her plush sweet ones in a heartwarming caring kiss that flooded her veins with warmth and made her brain mushy unable to think.

"Yours are softer lil penguin." He murmurs stroking the corner of her mouth and smirks when she squeaks a thank you in return.

"Such a cutie." He cooes squishing her blushed cheeks and kissing each of them with loud wet noise till she pushed him away wiping his wetness with a pout. "'M highly offended pet ya never used to wipe me kisses away."

She shuts him up by stuffing a chocolate in his mouth. Walking back home with his arms wrapped around her protectively as he comes up with silly jokes whole way.

. . .

Everything reminds her of him. That fuzz of kitten. The empty box of chocolate. Couldn't even focus on the work she's doing on her laptop. It's just that gooey feeling never left ---- now it has gotten stronger with it's mushk when Harry kissed her under that beautiful sky of wintery lilacs. If he's playing with her feelings he better not cause she'll break him in two in that case.

He was out shopping clothes for her when she texted him if he'll like to eat roasted chicken she made for lunch. The mere thought of him caring for her brings her to tears because before him nobody was there except only him that knew her from the depths of her heart.

"You look pretty. . ." She finds typing hard while laughing this loud as Harry sent her mirror pictures of him trying the maternity clothes himself that he's supposed to buy for her, "Thought a visual representation will be good idea ;)" He shrugs typing back with a grin standing bottom naked in the changing room getting a rolling eye emoji in return.

She yawns putting her phone aside when Harry got busy into his hunt for nice warm clothes for her. Something wasn't fine today. She's been changing sides for an hour now and she couldn't sleep. Her shoulders twitching with each blink of eye and when she finally slips into a light conscious sleep a bone rattling pain shoots through her whole damn body. She jolts from the state of haze and tries to sit up when another zap of pain makes her feel limbless. A feeble grunt of helping cry fizzes out of her when she feels a cramp at the bottom of her spine.

In her panicked state she fumbles for her phone dialing the first emergency number doesn't give him a chance to speak before she's yelling into receiver out of anxiousness, "Harry somethin' not right! — 'm m havin' these contractions —--" He's been out dining with Niall and shoots from his seat the minute her worried voice reached his ear.

"It's okay, lovie. yeah? 'M comin' take deep breaths how we practiced —-- I'll be there in a mo'." He assures her in his softest most pacific rasp but she shakes her head vigorously tears brimming in her sleepy eyes. Oreo tries to comfort her by sitting in her lap and rubbing her crown against her tummy.

"They aren't supposed to come this early . . . fo' fucks sake haven't even started my third trimester!" Harry doesn't know what to do except of consoling her and fidgeting around as Niall drives the car with same expressions of anxiousness and panic as Harry.

"Oh . . It's gone." She frowns in confusion able to sit now and it takes a little of burden away from Harry. He listens to the rustling going on her side jumping on his bum almost screaming into phone, "Stay where you're don' move!"

"Oh my god. They're back I'm not ready for this . . I'm not ready for this Harry." She cries and Harry even leaves Niall behind squeezing into the elevator fingers crossed at his back.

"'M here. Call our midwife can ye' do that fo' me, puppy?" She sniffs nodding to herself. Calling their assisted midwife with shaky fingers and tries to breath looking up at the ceiling.

In the meantime Harry's barging through the door pacing towards her in hurries steps. His face pale that if he has seen a ghost. She tries to saturate the distance between them knowing at this moment how much she wants him in her life.

He sits her back carefully crouches down and wipes her tears away, "'m so scared . ." She whispers squeezing his biceps and her phone's still ringing atop the sheets, "Don't be baby. Ye' have me — 'm not leavin' yer side."

He massages the dimples of her spine and runs warm hands at her sides to calm her down when their midwife picks up their call, "Hi. Is everything okay?"

"No Y/N's havin' these light contractions 'n 's not even the time of her labour." There's a pause from her side and Y/N bolts a worried glance at Harry in return he cradles her cheek to assure her.

"Oh . . that's nothin' to worry bout Mr. Styles. Those're some mild braxton hicks she might have mistaken with labour contractions." They both takes a sigh of relief but the little tick of pain keeps on coming and subsiding.

"They start at the beginning of third trimester, Y/N are you still getting 'em?" She asks her and Y/N clears her throat tugging the sheet beside her.

"Yes but less painful. Is that okay though?"

"Completely okay. Harry rest her against the headboard and push her knees upto her chest they'll be gone in a snap." He nods at her instructions helping Y/N lean against the headboard of bed gently and scooting between her thighs to do as she told.

"Better?" He whispers glancing up at her while wrapping his hands around her bended calves and pushing it slowly against her front, the move relaxing her pelvic muscles. Her head lulls at her shoulders from the effect and she hums from throat making Harry choke on his own spit.

He dares not to drift his gaze from her rigid features which are loosing it's tightness seconds after. Their breaths erratic from the humidity of sexual tension in the room when Y/N gets back to normal diverting her all attention to Harry who has his head tucked between her fleshy thighs. A blush creeping at her flushed cheeks and Harry gives her a flustered chuckle kissing the top of her knee to answer back Miss. Dori who's been asking how's Y/N.

"Stay hydrated and don't forget to take your vitamins." Saying this she ends the call. Y/N takes a huge sigh of relief spreading her legs back and Harry squeezes her ankles, "When was the last time you had a glass water?"

"Two hours ago." He rolls his eyes. "Supposed to be drinkin' every hour . . dehydration's s' unhealthy fo' you pet." He leaves the bed meandering through her wardrobe taking out a bag with Oreo in his armpit.

"What're you doing?" She gasps with wide eyes looking back at Niall who's still standing at the doorframe. God. It's so embarrassing he had to watch all of that. Now, he'll never not stop teasing her about it.

"Packin' 'cos ye're stayin' with me. No protests." Like she was going to. She loves to stay at his house. His guest room's mattress is such a royalty to sleep at.

. . .

When he tucks her under the layers of blanket she decides it's still not warm enough and grabs at his wrist when he was about to leave, "Can we cuddle please?" His lips quirks up with happiness and he crawls to the empty side of bed still letting her hold onto him. Slipping beside her to canoodle her cosily against his front nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck with "mhmpm." sounds of exhaustion.

"Anytime." Her eyelids slip shutting from the comfort he brings along with him, "ye' okay now?" His lips leaves it's sparkle at her skin as he mumbles spooning her from behind and spreads his palm wide atop her belly protectively. She nods cuddling into his bicep kissing the inside of his elbow and slips into darkness just with the song of his breath.

"Good night Angel."

. . .

She wakes up to the ruckus going outside and gurgling stomach from hunger. Pinches the blanket around her head and waddles outside yawning her way. Harry making brekkie in the kitchen, a grinder running, and waffles sizzling as he himself is moving around like Remy the Rat in ratatouille. His muscles stretching out with each haste motion and it made her tummy stir. She's been trying not be horny but it proves to be the hardest task when he's always around being that charming and alluring.

"Pet!" He grins spinning with a VR camera in his hand that makes her giggle, "What you're doing?" She giggles trying to hike up the stool.

"Recording the days with our babies until it's labour." Immediately he's at her side helping her sit up putting the camera at the counter and Y/N waves at it adorably voice low and sleepy, "Hi babies it's me your mommy." It catches Harry off guard. His heart shaped mouth baubles into awed expression as he blinks the shock away from his vision looking down at her.

"What happened?" She asks him in concern but he shakes his head pecking her hair and handing her the camera to go back to prepare brekkie — moreso to recover from the happy surprise of her acceptance or he might scream into these four walls.

He's got a heart of gold. Pure from the selfish intentions and full of love. He thinks he's an utter dimwit for neglecting his feelings for his own fucking bestfriend and finding love into places that were never meant for him. Now, he can't think of someone else as the mother of his children except her.

He smiles wet-ly to himself. Waterline stinging from the sweet epiphany that they're really gonna be parents. Together. That she's his person. Who never left his side. Fulfilled his dream of becoming of a dad when his own girlfriend backed out cowardly. What did he do to get her written in his fate?

"Would we get to eat in this hour of day Chef?" She quips elbow perched on the counter and chin resting in her palm. We. It makes his insides melt into squish of adoration and love for her, "Sorry! I know ye're hungry." He pouts apologetically putting the plates and a glass of smoothie infront of her tucking a napkin into her crew neck.

"I don't need that, pet!!" She laughs squeezing his thigh to refrain from falling -- for the fact she's the most clumsy person Harry knows, "look cute 's just all." He giggles back pulling his bottom lip that she has done a great job of flustering him this early in the morning — gonna be like that the whole darn day with the her words swimming in his mind hi babies it's me your mommy ——

"Hmm. It's so yummy!" She gives him a thumbs up leaning down to sponge a kiss to his cheek and his dimple milks against her lips from the shyness. He scrunches his nose as a cover up from blushieness else he might burst into lil confetti, "yeah?" His irirses twinkles impishly as he gave her an eskimo kiss.

They're so domestically in love. It's cute. Does thingies without knowing they've rocketed past the intense levels of intimacy.

When she whines at the end refusing to drink the green smoothie it's where he went all stern and daddy-ish with her. Pulling her into his lap, holding her wrists with his nimble finger and placing the rim of the glass at her lips encouraging her to drink, "I might puke." She tells him in a warning.

"Okay after drinking this." He declares not caring if she wrenches at him quiping with a pinch of brows petting her back.

"You're sucha meanie bro!" Bestfriend shit. More like lovers shit.

. . .

Blank staring is useless as fuck and mind tiring even if it's done sitting in the comfiest corner of sofa to get a watch of some piece of furniture, toys and clothes that litreally just belongs to little humans that are resting in her womb. There's this nice lady that Harry gave away all of this things to because she's having her third child and couldn't be able to afford this stuff for her baby, at the moment she's here to shift it.

"You don't have to --- I don't care. It's just some stuff you guys bought together." She had told him before he sat on the decision and once he makes up his mind nobody can make him act otherwise.

"Nope. Bought things fo' me babies by the choice of a person who wasn't even their mother in the first place, never deserved to be —-- would never be. We'll do everything from scratch . . ." His words held venom and hatred for her unlike the usual sadness and betrayal they carried weeks ago as he wrapped his forearm around her collarbones flushing her closer to his chest swaying in the living lounge, ". . . remember the plushies nan Matlinda gave ye' on ya eighteenth? Thinking it was yer thirteenth birthday? Found them from under me bed last night. Will throw 'em in the laundry and the descion will be on yours if ye' want them fo' yourself or your babies." She nods giggling and he joins her.

"'Course that'd be s' cute. My kids playin' with plushies that were once mine!" She clapped her hands atop her chest in sheer excitement.

At the moment, he flops onto sofa beside her with a dramatic huff after bidding the lady a warm good bye. Squeezing Y/N ankles as she's laying on her side. A pillow under her thigh for the ease purpose head on the other cushion, "Watching's the hardest work innit toots?" He grins impishly and she bobs her head with hooded eyes.

Rolling her shoulder to pop some joints to show her tiredness she's good at acting made him scoot closer to her immediately, "Actually yes — " Gets cut off with Harry getting really caring about her in instant.

"Lemme give ya good rub." His calloused palms starts it gentle pressure from the heels of her feet tricking up her calves and she hums sweetly with her face smushed into cushion. He does it for a minute, thumbing at her soles and popping her toes making her giggle lazily.

Her breaths turns warmer against the fabric when he glides his touch up her soft thighs running a trembling shiver into her blood and the coaxation from the daily tiredness plus the effect of him on her almost made her whine. Their breaths hitches at the same time his pinky brushes at the curve of her bossom peeking from underneath her pyjama shorts.

It makes her clench her thighs from the burn coiling in her tummy and it's embarrassing because he's doing nothing but giving her a rub. When the second time the pads of his supple fingers paints imaginaries at her skin she wiggles her cute ass and moans with an alluring stretch of throat when Harry slapped her arse playfully.

"'S good?" He rasps palming balmily her bossom ass hands gliding dangerously low to where she's pulsating with desire, "don't tease . ." She gives out a kitten-ish whine griping the corner of cushion to exhert the tension in her muscles. With a single glance to her deshilved state he slides his hand between her fleshy thighs pressing his lanky fingers against the wet splotch of her arousal from the only approximty of him.

"Jeez pet. ye'r absolute soakin'." He whispers circling her clit in tight circles from over her pyjamas and she ruts her hips in his hand for more. He hovers his fingers round the hem of her shorts testing the waters and if she really wants it ---- although she proves it with a groan indicating him to get rid of the material.

"Such a pretty bum 's a shame I got to touch it now." He traces the imprint of his redness on her skin making her hiss into her elbow and he pulls her over his lap; slowly feathering his touch between her pink slick folds down to her hole making her clinch around his digits trying to swallow them.

"S' tight babe. How long someone's been between these beautiful legs?" His words don't carry any taunt. It's just a genuine question. She gulps trying to escape the haze — couldn't when he's gliding his fingers non-stop in her wetness with dirty noises, "dunno . . don't remember!" She squeaks when he slides them inside her with ease from slickness caging a grunty moan that's threatening to slip from his lungs.

"It's been that long then . . ." He drawls out and Y/N's shook that she hasn't heard him in that tone ever before or maybe she's too floaty. This Harry intimidates her in a sweet way, makes her want to be blanketed under his warm weight always, to depend on him and be with him always. Makes her want to kiss him till the colours fade out and blossom back again with the witnesses of their love.

"Harry . ." She moans fogy-ly when he adds two more letting her stickiness drip down his thighs, "Yes baby." He giggles bashfully sneaking his arm under her shoulders to kiss her cheek.

"Gonna cum." She cries out softly nipping at his skin and he pushes his fingers deep till knuckles in her cunt pounding inside her with a pleasuring pressure, "Didn't stop ya." His little bubble kisses trails to the crook of her neck biting down to glitter hues of his affection for her.

"Oh my!" Her eyes popshut and thighs smack crampies his hand cumming on his fingers. Making a mess down his wrists, his trousers and the hem of his shirt. She purrs cheeks smashed near his thick thigh into velvet when he rubs her back to soothe her heated body down as that of a kitten, "Ye purrs are puttin' oreo to shame, moppet." He pushes her up. Straddling her each leg around his torso letting her melt onto him.

"S' warm." He mumbles against her throat pecking where the paths of her veins leads him to. Grabs her chin and nuzzles his nose to the underbelly of her jaw saturating her closer to his chest. She hiccups a breath when his swelling bulge nudges her already sensitive pussy making her wet again; she blames her hormones.

"Can you fuck me, please?" She gives him pleading eyes swiveling her hips back and forth against his thick length, "Don't 've to ask pretty girl." He kisses her mouth. It's not like their first kiss. Their first held innocence and sccachirness. This one's rather filthy, full of sucking, bites and spit. He splits his thumb in her hair cupping her cheeks kissing her passionately and winding his arm around her waist to caress her belly.

When she throws her shirt away he puffs out unbelievably taking in her to memorize each velvteen of her skin, "Fuck you're so beautiful moppet." It splashes blush at her features and his eyes litreally twinkles at the sight of her being like this. When his eyes halt at the swell of her titts he exhales through his nostrils a grin worming up at the little rainbow patterned bra she's wearing.

"Cutie." He kisses her again. It's like he can never stop kissing her ever. Her plump candy lips make it impossible. She skids his trousers down wrapping her hand around his girth squeezing him to quench out a throaty grunt from him. Stroking his cock with his pre-come and arches her back when his weepy head brushes against her cunt.

He helps her to take his cock being ever so carefull with her since she's pregnant but Y/N wants otherwise. She's insatiable. Could bite him whole at the time.

"Use me baby ---- make yourself cum with my cock. Wanted it yeah? C'mon now fuck me pretty girl. Take it all in. Yeah . . . Jus' like that." He grits stretching her to max and brings her neck to snuggle in to his chest when she was about to fall back because of her limbs giving out due to the ecastasy. She spurts out a giggle putting her hands between them to recoup herself and moves with his assistance on her ass.

"It's hard." She whines walls fluttering around his dick making him moan, "what me prick?" He smirks batting his eyelashes to get through the haze.

"Such a rotten joke." She rolls her eyes riding him with faster pace now and it's turning them all sweaty and hot, "mhmp. good girl takin' me cock s' well." His hands wanders above her tummy fondling with her nipples and takes it in his mouth while giving the same attention to other one with his thumb pulling it and tweaking it gently not to harm her, "don't like my jokes but you love my prick --- want to make ye' feel amazin' with it."

His balls thwacking against her bum and she leverages herself with his shoulders crying out in his ear when he hit a spot inside her she could never with her own fingers — she narrows her knees for more closeness and he tucks loose errands of her hair away kissing her temple with closed eyes.

"Tired?" His wet lips teases her earlobe and when she nods he gropes her ass thrusting up inside her, "It feels more good when daddy does it . . doesn't it?" He pounds roughly with a sharp angle of his pelvis and keeps on fucking her till she's crying his name.

She's a puddling. His words only made her float into her own head space where it's golden streaks in the amidst of violet clouds.

His own groans getting hoarse when she pulses around his cock milking and pushing his head fat out it makes him choke onto his spit, "cum for me --- inside me want it s' bad." She whispers woving fingers with his's and pressing it into sofa still grinding down at him whole body jolting from the sensitivity.

He does cum inside her. Filling her to brim with his seed it oozes out making soppy sounds when he pumps it back with lazy strokes to extinguish the last sparkle of fire that was crackling in their insides.

Remains like that. Tangled and dishelved. Listening to eachother's silence. He didn't even got a chance to pull out of her when his phone startled them beside her making her cramp hard around him and his head falls on the headboard with a grunt.

"Fuck." He squints back and pretends to eat the apple of her cheeks with roar like noises tickling her side making her stomach squeeze with laughs when his phone rings for another time and she ushers him to pick it.

His expressions remains stoic. Lips thinned into a hardline as he listens to the person on the other side. She's familiar with it. The feminine seductive voice she can never unhear --- it pangs her heart with an unbearable amount of pain and clogs her windpipes.

Dunno from where she found the need to ask this she did with a second thought from the anxiousness whirling in her mind the second he ends the call, "Are you gonna leave me now?" Tears of hurt without her knowing are already spilling down the valley of her chest.

Harry stares her. But, she could see nothing in them due to blurness from the pulversive of a single call.

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

Moony

Remus x Reader

Part 2

Summary - After you left Remus after telling him about your pregnancy, you're now trying to juggle being pregnant by yourself in a foreign country, along with your three best friends searching for you.

Trigger Warning - Cursing, mentions of abortion, angst, it's longish? I think that's all. Let me know if there's more though.

Italics are letters, Bold is unknown to the readers.

America.

That's the only way you can really describe it. It is, well, America. Some places are incredibly beautiful, some terribly ugly. Some incredibly cold, some unbearably hot. Some busier than Diagon Alley on the day all the kids come to buy their things, some slower than a virgin's bedroom.

You hadn't seen much, especially seeing as how you had only been there for a week, but it was already more than you expected. You expected a stern talking to, you expected a bed rest, you expected a midwife in every thirty minutes, and you definitely expected to have someone at your side every second of the day. But, that wasn't what you got.

Especially seeing as how, your Great Grandpa kicked the rest of your family out of the house before you arrived, not wanting his favorite grandkid to be in an uncomfortable home, especially while she was growing his two great, great grandkids.

He was incredibly wealthy, a pure blood from England gone American. You had been the only one that actively spoke to him and visited him as often as you could while he lived in England. Now, your family was watching the sand fall in his hourglass to see who got the most money from his will. Honestly, though, you could see the man living another 200 years - just to spite them all.

He had taken you out, shown you incredible things, although you were stuck in a stupid state of unbearable heat - Texas. Although, the heat had taken you out of the sweaters that had you crying every time you got a whiff of his scent, and into some beautiful maternity sun dresses. You had already sent 20 pictures to Molly.

You had yet to write to Lily though, but her owls came twice a day, at least. You were starting to worry that she would get on James' broom and follow the owl herself to find you. Her letters really all stayed the same.

Y/n, just tell me where you are. I won't tell Remus, or Sirius. Heck, I won't even tell James. Harry and I will come visit and I'll tell you all about how I beat Remus' arse. Or how James did....Or how Sirius did. But, please, just write me back. I love you. I miss you incredibly.

Then you had

Y/n, come on, you really have me worried. The entire order has heard about what happened and I think they're all freaking out each second like we are. We miss you. You're the ray of Hufflepuff joy we all need, the always Ravenclaw intelligence the boys really need, the absolute Gryffindor bravery in the craziest of situations that the order needs, and the Slytherin strength I need. Please, just write back.

Then, she got help from the boys - or, the ones you would be open to hear from.

Y/n, while I have to be honest, Lily is standing over my shoulder watching me write this, I was going to do it either way. Remus was an absolute arse, I understand that, but we miss you. Lily, Harry and I want nothing more than for you to be home, with us even. You don't have to see him, you really don't. We just want to be here for you through this time, the good and the bad. Please write back.

When that didn't work, you had a howler from Sirius.

Y/n Y/l/n, I swear, if you don't write me back, I'm gonna jump into the paper and send myself! I'm going absolutely crazy watching Lily freak out every day! You're the only one that can calm her, not even James is doing it! You're taking away my precious James time! I fucking miss you - okay? Moony is an absolute dick. He deserved you walking out on him, he really did, but please don't walk out on all of us too. Y/n, we miss you, we really do. Moony isn't even here anymore, he left after we all went to Molly's - Sirius, don't tell her that! - Shit, fuck, how do I scratch that? Uhhh, I didn't say that. Erase! Erase! Lily, how do I erase on a howler? Fuck. Whatever. I'm sure it erased. But, come home. I'll make James make you that surprisingly good chicken he makes and I'm sure Lily would love to give you some old baby momma clothes or whatever the fuck they're called. I just - we just - no, I miss you, okay? Come home.

Your heart broke, not just because Remus was missing, but because your friends were hurt.

You sat down at the table in your guest house, sighing softly. A quill and some parchment sat before you, your hand shaking as you dipped it into the ink.

Lily, James, and Sirius.

While I know I could write a letter to each of you separately, I'm almost positive you're all together, or you're gonna call each other as soon as you get my letter.

I'm okay, I think. Not as okay as I wish I was, I cry a lot. While I wish I could blame it on the hormones, I know it's not. Everything reminds me of him, even here. No, I'm not in England, I'm in the states. I'm staying with some family and I think it's doing me well. At least, I've started to own my pregnancy.

After what Remus said to me, my body broke. I just about hated the fact that I was pregnant. Not my kids, just that I was pregnant. But, with each day, I realize that this pregnancy is the thing I needed most. While I wish I didn't have to say this - it showed me the man Remus is. Does that mean I cry any less? Of course not - you guys know me.

But, I really don't think I can come home, at least not yet. I'm still trying to figure out what I'm to do. I love Remus with every fiber of my being, but how do you love a man that told you to get rid of your own children, the minute he gets home from a mission he could have died from? How do you let him hold you as he feels the two children you both created grow in your belly knowing he hates them?

I'm going to come home eventually, of course I am. And I already promised Molly I'll be back for a visit soon, and you guys are more than welcome to come visit once I teach my family how to properly floo in America - did you know they don't do that here? It's super weird. But, I love you three incredibly. I'm so sorry this has happened. Be safe.

Your heart broke as you debated on writing more, about what your heart was still set on. Remus. Where was he? Where did he go? Had they heard from him? Was he looking for you? But you couldn't bring yourself to ask them.

The owl was sent with their letter, leaving you in the silence once more.

How could you feel so absolutely alone when you had people wanting nothing more than to be with you? Is it what you thought you deserved? They were his friends before they were yours. You felt horrible that they were taking your side. You felt your heart ripping slowly with each beat it made in it's spot in your being. It was like one half of your heart was tied to Remus' and with each beat away from him, it tore you apart - slowly, filling you with excruciating pain.

Five minutes after the letter was sent, you were standing, trying to find a way to busy your mind.

Ten minutes after the letter was sent, you were crouching in the corner, the weight of your predicament pressing down on you so hard, it's like it formed hands and was set on pushing you six feet under without any hole dug for your body.

Twenty minutes after the letter was sent, your body was shaking with it's sobs once more, the loss of not only your spouse, but also the friends you loved almost as much as him.

An hour later, you had fallen asleep on the floor, your mind groggy and your heart tearing with each beat, your conscious hoping to pull you away from the pain your felt in the body that was supposed to be yours - but belonged to the man who seemed to not want you anymore.

It was dark, so incredibly dark. The only thing that was seen was the moon, halfway full in it's wake. The only thing heard was the pads of feet stomping on the ground as they ran. Ran where? Ran why? You could feel the pain in your chest, but it was like it wasn't your own. As you came to a stop, you looked at a building that seemed a familiar kind of unfamiliar - although that didn't really make much sense to you.

Before you realized it, you were slumped over the toilet, letting out the contents of your stomach. One of your hands pulled your hair to one side of your shoulder, keeping it there. But all you could think was how badly you wish it was Remus holding your hair, rubbing your back as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

But all that mattered today was to get through it, like any other day.

One day following the motions.

Two days following the motions.

Three, four, five days.

Until your hands were pulled from your face, the skin around your fingers almost chewed to nothing, the warm face of Lily standing before you.

"If I see you bite your fingers one more time, I'm going to hex them to taste like Harry's dirty diapers." She spoke, pulling you up from your spot on the couch.

"Lily - I." You stopped, looking around her to see James, Sirius, and Harry. "How?" You asked, looking back into the eyes of your best friend.

"Your great grandpa is super cool. I think he was getting tired of all the letters we were sending him too and gave us the floo network here to knock you out of whatever it is you're in." Sirius spoke, Harry on his shoulders, pulling at his hair.

"You guys-" You were cut off with Lily pulling you into her hold, her larger belly pressed against yours as you both attempted to properly hug one another.

"I have missed you, so much" Her voice was soft, uncommon for Lily. Her hands held you tightly, almost like she was holding onto you to make sure you didn't disappear once more.

"Come on Lils, other people missed her too." Sirius spoke to cause her to pull away and glare at the man. "If you weren't holding onto my kid, I'd have hexed you so hard for that." She said, moving to grab Harry from his shoulders as James wrapped you up in a hug himself.

"If we hadn't seen you for another day, I think Lily was going to fly off on my broom." He said, causing you to laugh at your own prediction.

You finally got to Sirius, his arms holding you tighter than the two. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, his hold growing tighter. "What are you sorry for, Siri?" You asked him, pulling away to look into his face.

"What he said, what he did. That's not what you deserved." He mumbled, pushing your hair back a bit. "I swear, I about pounded his face in at Molly's. I think Arthur had to separate me magically." He trailed off, looking at the floor.

His words brought tears to your eyes once more, your heart feeling empty, yet full. "That's not your fault, Sirius. We all knew he didn't want kids, but we weren't careful. I don't know why his reaction surprised me." You were honest with them, having thought this entire thing was truly your fault.

The three of them surrounded you, their eyes narrow with intent. "Y/n, the last thing this is, is your fault. You're his fiancée, not a random person. Either way, those are his kids. He shouldn't have treated you like he did." James spoke with meaning, wanting you to understand each word he spoke.

Somehow, the four of you relaxed enough to find yourself growing to bed. You showed Sirius his room, a place where James and Lily can lay Harry, and then their own room, before finding your way to your own.

You laid in bed, wide awake. You knew what tonight was, the night before the full moon, and knew that Remus was probably out wherever he was, already in pain. Every turn was different, it truly was, but each night before the full moon, his body ached, his bones almost softened, knowing they would be breaking and turning in 24 hours, and his head psyched him out, especially when you weren't there. This was now the third full moon your financé was to handle without you.

You refused to cry, knowing Lily always had a third sense to that stuff, and willed yourself to sleep. But, you laid there.

And laid there.

And laid there some more, until you couldn't handle the quiet, and found yourself moving out of the room and towards Sirius'.

You had slept with Sirius before, each time when Remus was gone and your heart could hardly handle it. Now, the three hearts inside of you couldn't stand the guilt of not being with him.

The door didn't creak when you opened it, none of the floor boards made a sound, but that somehow made it worse. Your feet carried you to the dark haired man, seeing his sleeping frame move, sensing another person there.

His eyes jerked open, coming to look at you as he smiled sadly. "How did I know you'd come in here. Just can't resist the charm, can you?" His voice was deeper, rougher from sleep. It calmed you, but never like Remus' did. You waddled closer to the man, his arms opening for you as you crawled into him.

You both laid in silence, but awake now, as you took in the moment.

"I miss him, Siri. I know I shouldn't, I know I should hate him, but my entire being misses him." Your voice was softer than his was, much softer, but it wasn't because you were afraid of him, but because you were afraid of your own truth.

"I know you do. I know he misses you too. You guys are kinda like Lily and James, meant to be. He's just, an absolute git for this." His fingers worked in your hair, rubbing your scalp and causing your eyes to close in comfort.

"I thought we were meant to be too. But, he doesn't want me anymore. He doesn't want us." At that, Sirius rested a hand at your bump, this being the first touch they really had beside your own. "He does, he's just stupid and scared. Either way, you have us. Aunt Lily, Uncle James, and, the absolute best uncle in the world, Uncle Siri. We've got you." His sensere words lulled you to sleep, a sleep where you felt safe and happy falling into.

You were running again, but it didn't feel like you were in danger. It felt like you were running to run, really. Which, was something you did not do. You weren't in the woods, but you didn't know where you were. All you did know is that you were still scared. Absolutely, bone crushingly scared.

With each step you took, the fear grew. How could you possibly be this scared? You were looking for something, but you didn't know what. You were shaking, but from both the cold and the fear. You were shaking. Shaking. Shaking

Shaking. "Y/n, wake up!" Sirius was looking down at you, his eyes full of excitement. "Your great grandpa is showing us the American version of Diagon Alley today!" You smiled up at him, nodding.

"Okay, okay, let me get changed."

The four of you had left your Grandpa once he settled himself down to play some wizards chess, waving you off.

"You know where the house is when you're done, I've got a title to keep."

You wandered through stores, showing them the few things you had learned so far about the wizarding world here. The four of you had just walked into their version of Flourish and Blotts when you were stopped by an older couple. "Oh, you both look absolutely wonderful! I remember when I was that pregnant. How far are you both?" she was smiling at you and Lily, growing closer to you.

"I'm due in about a week and a half. We already have one, Harry, who's staying with her family." She had pointed to you, smiling at the older woman. "Oh, I'd expect you to be due any day now. Seconds always come early and you look family dropped. What about you dear?" She had looked to you, glancing at your own belly.

"Oh, I'm only a few months along. Twins." You laughed, your hand resting protectively on your belly. "Awe, that's lovely. You both look radiant. Two amazing father's, I hope?" She now looked at James and Sirius, smiling at them. "Oh, no, I'm not the father. Our best mate is." Sirius spoke, gesturing to you. "Well, I dunno, is he?" He asked, looking at the three of you. "It's complicated." Lily said, smiling.

The older woman nodded, smiling. "I completely understand. I wish you both the best of luck." She bid you all adu, leaving with her husband.

"I can't tell if that was awkward or sweet." James laughed, leading you all to the door to leave.

You all laughed as you walked through the Wizarding space until you and Lily began complaining about the swollen ankles and bloated stomach enough to convince James and Sirius to guide you both home.

As the day turned into night, you now showing your friends the muggle artifacts your grandpa has collected from his move to the states. That was, until Lily groaned in pain.

"Fuck, she was right." The young woman grumbled, clenching her bump. "What do you mean?" James asked, his hand on her back softly. "He's coming early, James. I'm in labor, fuck." She groaned again, tilting her head back at the pain she was feeling for the second time in her life.

"Shit, Sirius, go find some towels. I'll go tell grandpa to write the healer for labor." You spoke, pointing Sirius in the direction of the towels before moving to Lily. "It'll be okay, okay? Everything will be fine." She nodded, gripping your hand tightly as she looked in your eyes. She smiled before groaning once more, a contraction hitting her. "Okay, okay, healer. You guys lay her down." Sirius returned with multiple towels, James and him laying a few out before helping Lily lay down on them.

You turned to waddle out of your home, attempting to get to your grandpa's house as quickly as possible.

Three steps towards his house, you heard a twig snap.

Five steps towards his house, you heard a thud.

Nine steps towards his house, a figure stopped before you, it's frame furry and bent, a growl releasing from his lips.

A werewolf.

How the fuck is a werewolf standing in front of you, in the middle of fucking Texas, in a populated muggle area?

You took a few steps backwards, until it clicked.

The only Werewolf that would spend his full moon looking for you was the same werewolf that has plagued your mind for the past month.

Moony.

~

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[sociallyawkwardfoxwriter]

Whumptober Day 7 - Numbness

“Redfield,” With a sigh, Chris looked up from the files he'd spent the better part of his morning carefully combing through to find Sheva-arms crossed and stern expression-standing in front of his desk. “you know hiding in here isn't going to work. Everyone will notice if you're missing.”

“Is it time already?”

“Don't sound so excited.”

“It was bound to happen eventually. I don't see what the fuss is about.”

“Joining forces with an organization sending pilots with experience, what could the excitement possibly be for?”

“It won't matter if none of them are drift compatible with our pilots.”

“If there's not at least one of them compatible with our pilots or new recruits, I'll be shocked.”

“Ever the optimist.”

Sheva rolled her eyes at him and let her arms fall to her sides. “Call it optimism if you want. I don't have time to argue with you. We need to get moving. They're going to be arriving soon.”

“Why do they even need me there? All I do is train the new recruits. If they aren't compatible with our experienced pilots, then I have a reason to be involved.”

“Whether you like it or not, you're still the face of the BSAA.”

“You should be the face or Piers or any of the other pilots out there trying to keep us safe. All I do is look for qualifying new recruits, train them and fill out a shit ton of paperwork. None of that is worthy of being the face for what you and the other Jaeger pilots are doing.”

“I have zero interest in having my face splattered on posters. As long as I get the respect I deserve, I'm good. I'll leave the posters to you.”

“I'm not a Jaeger pilot!”

“No, but you're one of the originals. People haven't forgotten that. It doesn't matter that you're not a pilot now. You're a legend. You always will be.”

“It would be easier if people would forget.” Despite wanting nothing more than to stay hidden away in his office, he pushed away from his desk and followed Sheva out of his office. “Do we know anything about the people they're sending?”

“Barry received all their files and sounded excited about them. You know I prefer to meet people first. Form my own opinions about them before I read someone else's. I'm sure Barry would have given you the files. All you had to do was ask.”

“Not my area.”

As they entered the holding bay, he did his best to ignore both Sheva's eye roll and the lifeless Jaegers ringing the room. He tried to avoid this particular room as much as possible, so he wouldn't have to see the one separated from the others. The image of the split metal and failing systems and dead weight were still fresh in his mind. It didn't matter how much alcohol he drank or whether he worked himself to exhaustion-the image was always there, sitting in the back of his mind. No amount of numbing the pain made it go away.

“Hey.” A light elbow to the side pulled him out of his thoughts as they stepped through the doors leading to the helipad. “Get that look off your face. You're going to scare them.”

“If that's what scares them, I'm going to be concerned.”

“You say like you don't use your intimidating presence to get people to leave you alone all the time.”

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

“Sure, you don't.”

Instead of responding, he silently took his place next to Barry with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes fixed on the horizon. An approaching helicopter slowly grew larger, until it finally came to a stop on the helipad. The people that exited the helicopter were mostly in uniform or suits-except for the final one. His leather jacket perfectly fit his slim torso leading down to well fitted jeans and sturdy boots. He looked out of place behind the group of pristinely put together military people.

It shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did when hard eyes locked onto his as though they sensed him looking. There was a depth in his eyes that struck him full force with such intensity that he couldn't begin to comprehend it all. For the first time in months, he wanted to sit down and have a conversation with someone-and he didn't even know this person. He could be a complete asshole for all he knew.

Somehow, he ended up walking next to the man as they moved back into the hanger, he wanted nothing more than to avoid. Knowing the man was the only one that might notice, he diverted his path away from bay to the closest door that would get him anywhere else. Thankfully, the small room was blessedly empty, which meant no one around to question what he was doing. Instead, he could take a seat on the stone bench extending from the wall beneath the lockers with names above them he didn't care to read.

He barely got the chance to take a few slow breaths before the sound of the door opening reached his ears. While his body tensed for whoever it was that undoubtedly wanted to force him back with the others, he kept his head down and eyes focused on his hands. When the silence dragged on much longer than expected, he forced his head up to find the man from earlier casually leaning against the door.

“I'd say nice place you got here, but I get the feeling it isn't yours.”

“Did you need help finding something?”

“No.” He pushed off the door to take a few steps further in, then came to a stop again. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why?”

“I've read your file. I'm sorry about your partner.”

“Great.”

“It's hard. People that haven't experienced it don't understand what it's like. How have you been holding up?”

It was the sincerity in the man's eyes that eased down the urge to do whatever he could to convince him to leave. “You lost your partner?”

“We were going up against a couple Kaiju. Got separated from the group. It was some sort of stalker. We didn't know it was there. It tore through our Jaeger like nothing. Ripped him right out before we knew what was happening. It's hard for that moment not to be at the forefront of your mind all the time.”

“I've been numb. It's like everything is dulled now. Like some part of who I am got ripped out when she did.”

“I'd say it gets easier, but...” With a sigh, the man took a seat next to him on the bench and leaned his head back against the lockers. “Being connected like that is a unique experience. I still remember my first drift. I'd never felt so close to another person in my entire life. I still haven't. It's empty without it.”

“Ever thought about trying again with someone else?”

“Already asking you?”

“I'm the face of the BSAA. One of the best we have. A veteran in the fight. Been there since the beginning.”

“There's more to you than that.”

“Not to some people. I just want to train the new recruits to make sure they're ready for it, then send them on their way. They want me to do stuff like this. I'm sure they were hoping someone would get me back out there.”

“A part of me misses it. Another part can't imagine doing it with anyone else. It feels weird, like I'd be betraying him. I know that's not true, but that doesn't stop it from feeling that way. I don't know if I ever will.”

After a moment of quiet, he rose from the bench and extended his hand to the man in offer to help him to his feet. “I know a place they won't look for us. Better than this little room. Got a great view.”

“Or we could go to that super boring meeting about how important it is we all work together to put an end to this.”

“When you put it like that...”

“Lead the way.”

“Wait,” Before he opened the door, he turned back to look at the man. “I don't know your name.”

“Leon S. Kennedy.”

“It's nice to meet you, Leon.”

“You too, Chris.”