#but would i say carson is prideful ?? she is at times as she takes on the coach role but her role is important in helping the team | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hekate-brimo2 · 5 months

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Chapter Three of “Spes Novum” Aka my Supervillain fic inspired by @wingedcat13 and the Synoverse is up on AO3 here and on Tumblr Below.

I dropped a request into the West Coast Villains groupchat, asking for anyone willing to distract The Patriot and American Girl for a few hours. I got a response pretty quickly, Earth-Shaker said he wasn’t busy, so he’d start terrorizing an area they commonly protected. It didn't take long to get a news alert about the heroes fighting Earth-Shaker, so I let Kayla know and she flew South, headed for her parents’ house.

I woke Carson with a kiss to their temple and together we wandered around the bay, admiring the estuaries and the nests of the seabirds. We’d seen them all before of course, but it never hurts to slow down and appreciate the beauty of nature. We had just rounded the bottom of the bay, headed towards the Pacific when we heard the crack of a super coming out of Mach 1 above us. Instinctively, I decreased the gravity below Carson and I, ready to push us both in opposite directions, but it was unnecessary, as the flying super was just Kayla. She’d changed her clothes before she returned. She still wore the motorcycle boots and the bracelets, but now she had on black tights and a purple, floral skirt. Her baseball tee had been replaced with my merch, a gray T-Shirt that read “Gravity Rocks” on the front and my face wearing sunglasses on the back. Kayla herself was grinning wide when she landed, dropping onto the balls of her feet from just off the ground. She adjusted the strap of her duffel bag and looked up at me, still grinning.

“Why, dear Kayla, do you own my merch?” I asked, incredulous

“I bought it because I thought my parents would hate it. I was right, my friends love it though.” Kayla answered

“It is a good design.” Carson spoke up, leaning against my shoulder.

“They would say that, they designed it.” I replied

We began walking back to my lair, quietly. I sighed after some time and looked up at the sky.

“Kayla, I have to ask you some… important questions, but I will give you time before you answer. One is about your future as a civilian, and one is about your future as someone with powers.” I said

Kayla retreated into herself a bit, not-quite recoiling, but answered “Okay, go ahead.”

“First things first, and this question has a few parts, When I asked you why you came to my lair to escape your parents, you said I was your best option. Do you not have any other adults you could go to? A friend’s parents, or your grandparents?”

“Um,” Kayla started after a while, “My grandparents are dead, at least according to my mom and dad… and, I… none of my friends know who my parents are, or… or about my pronouns.”

“I see.”

“I… I came to you because people are… like really vocal about you being, uh… nonbinary. A lot of people online like to photoshop your face onto the nonbinary pride flag and say it’s the nonbinary supervillain pride flag.”

“Understood, I’m sorry you don’t have anyone else to talk to about this, we should see if we can fix that, but… that brings us to part two of the question: What would you like to do about your guardianship moving forward? I know several lawyers who specialize in the emancipation process, although I don’t know your age. I… there is another option I can put forward, but… well I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m uh… I’m fifteen. I don’t know if that’s old enough to be considered an emancipated minor… uh… what’s… what’s the other option?”

“Legally speaking, as civilians, Carson and I could sue for custody of you, on the grounds that you are being abused. That being said, we didn’t want to presume, which is why I wanted to ask you.”

Kayla stopped. I didn’t notice for several steps, but when I turned around she and Carson were crouched on the sand, Carson’s arms around Kayla’s shoulders. Kayla was crying, which made me hesitate. I'm not always possessed of much tact, but Carson made eye contact with me, and I rejoined them.

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Kayla started when she regained her breath. “It just… sorry, it hit me. I guess… I guess it didn’t feel real when I was packing, and… and when mom hit me.”

“That’s okay, Kayla. You don’t have to make any decision, we can table this for as long as you want, you are not on a timeline. I suggest we go back to the lair, and watch tv, I’ll ask Cook to pop some popcorn and make some hot chocolate, sound good?”

“Okay.”

Carson took Kayla and set her up in their old room, we weren’t always lovers, while I went to the kitchen to beg Cook’s forgiveness and kindness. She relented quickly, pleased to hear that our guest was staying. All of us, including Cook and Tom, watched a good portion of Avatar: The Last Airbender that night, and ate our weights in popcorn. The next week, in fact, passed in relative peace. I took to showing Kayla how my own powers worked, demonstrating how I changed the force of gravity, and even taking her on a short trip to Evilmart to show off my wormholes. Kayla also took to training in the gym, either with Carson or myself. She didn’t develop super strength like her father’s, but her mother’s speed came through, and then something unexpected: transmutation.

I had left Kayla in the gym with Carson for the evening, a week after she’d moved into my lair. I’d planned on sitting at the bar and mixing a drink or two for myself and Tom, but was quickly called back into the gym by Kayla’s concerned shout of “Beren!”

Kayla and Carson were standing in front of the Heavy bag, Kayla was wearing her gym shorts, a too-large tank top, and had some fighting tape around her knuckles, so I assumed she’d been the one to hit the bag, the bag which was now made of crumbling clay.

“Huh.” I said, turning to Kayla, “What were you thinking about when you hit the bag, sweetheart?”

“Uh… pottery in art class at school. I was thinking about the last thing I’d even come close to punching, which was the chunk of clay my teacher had given me to knead the air out of.” She answered

“Interesting. Do you think you could do it again?”

“I uh… I dunno, I can try.”

Kayla put her hand against the bag, or half a bag now, and concentrated for a moment, visibly frustrated, until the clay shimmered, the outside turning back into leather and the inside turning into granules of blue sand, which poured onto the floor. The clay that had crumbled away from the clay bag did not return to its original form, remaining a lump of mostly-dry clay.

“Interesting, so it only affects things connected to what you’re changing. I wonder if it changes based on what you consider one object… we need to run some tests.” I muttered, stopping once I noticed Kayla wobble on her feet. “Okay, how tired are you after that?”

“Hm? Oh… uh, pretty tired, like… exhausted actually.”

“Okay, so it’s extremely taxing for you, also good to remember. Go Lie Down, we’ll discuss this later.”

Near one a.m. the next morning I was wandering through the lair, Patrolling might be the correct word as it was my paranoia keeping me awake, and I happened to pass Kayla’s room. I never meant to listen to the conversation I heard, but I also couldn’t stop myself.

“Charlie! Hey!” Kayla said, happier than I’d ever heard her

“Hey! Long time no see! What’s going on? Wait… that doesn’t look like your room, where are you? Did you finally tell somebody about your parents? Holy shit, did you run away?” Another girl answered, their voice coming through phone speakers

“Woah, woah, chill out. Um… kinda, is the answer.”

“What do you mean, babes?!”

“I mean, like… okay, I’ve gotta tell you a lot, and you probably won’t believe some of it, but… whatever. My parents… My mom and dad are The Patriot and American Girl.”

Kayla paused for dramatic effect, but the other girl just hummed

“Are you not… did you know?”

“Kinda, it makes sense. Same hair, same eyes, also like… My adoptive mom is Doctor Omni, I’m… not not a part of that world.”

“Fuck off your mom is not Omni.”

“Yeah! My mom was there when she got her powers, they were on the same research team.”

“Do you have powers?”

“Same as Omni, I was… maybe also there.”

“Shut uuuup.”

“Whatever, okay, so your parents are superheroes, and abusive, that doesn’t answer any of my questions.”

“Okay, well… so when I was figuring out where I could go to get away from my parents, I… I maybe jokingly decided the only place safe was Maestrum Gravis’s lair. Cuz, like… they’re queer, and they already hate my parents, so like… safest place.”

“Supervillains are usually more reasonable than superheroes, in my experience.”

“Anyway, I’m… in their guest room, I guess. They wanted to kill my parents, but I asked them not to, and now… uh, they kinda just… a week ago, which is like a day after I showed up, they offered to sue for custody of me? Them and their… partner? Carson.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you gonna take them up on it? You absolutely should, but it’s your decision.”

“Um… I think so. I want to. I’m just… I’m just scared of what my parents will do. I… even when they were… even at their worst, I did… love them, I guess. They weren’t always bad parents, and like… they’re under a lot of stress.”

“Kay, how many times have they called you since you left? How many times have they come to get you?”

“They… they came the first day, I mean… they were still calling me their son… and they haven’t called since. Haven’t even shown up here. Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, babes.”

“I wish you were here, I could use a hug.”

Every ounce of hesitation left my body at that, and some parental instinct I had took over. I knocked on Kayla’s door, and waited for her to answer it. When she did, I wrapped her in a hug that would crush any normal human.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” I whispered

“It’s okay.” She answered, laugh-crying

“Uhh… should I hang up?” Came Charlie’s voice from Kayla’s phone over my shoulder

“No!” Kayla and I said at the same time

Kayla looked at me weirdly, and I said “Kayla told me she had no one else to talk to about things like her parents and her gender, I would like to meet the person who changed that. I also heard you mention Omni, and I haven’t seen her in ages! You should both come over sometime.”

“I’ll talk to her about it, I’m sure she’d be happy to. She doesn’t hang out with any of her super friends enough.”

“Just give me a date, I’ll make sure I’m not busy.”

#original writing #nonbinary supers #hb’s superpowered universe #supervillain #superheroes #superhero #spes novum #transgender #nonbinary #maestrum gravis #writers on tumblr #writing #writeblr

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erwinsvow · 6 months

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LMAO sorry but I’m emotionally attached to 💓 (and I don’t have the time and strength for an identity crisis rn)

Just wanted to add that I also love Antigone and Medea!! I remember I couldn’t stop thinking about that one line in Antigone where she essentially says she wouldn’t do any of what she did for a husband or a child because she could simply get others but she could never have another brother because her parents are dead

Like oh! ok! So true I guess…😋

(Had to remention this because it’s so kooky that we have this in common?! <33)

Also I’m sorry I know this is so basic but my favourite pick has to be Oedipus Rex and it’s so fun because it’s so generally known that you can talk about it with more people and hearing different people’s opinions on his hamartia is SO interesting!! Had a whole discussion with one of my professors because he thought it was his need for justice like sorry bestie I disagree but that’s ok! (…) (the interaction clearly left a mark on me lol)

Anyways I think one of the biggest reasons why Rafe and I wouldn’t work out is because this is the shit I would yap about for hours while this man is just trying to take his important calls

- 💓

haha okay bae no coral emoji.. for now.. wait ugh seriously!!! antigone thoughts going crazy rn.. this was a class i took two years ago but i still think about it all the time! her will and at times her temper just so resonates with me...almost wish i possessed more traits of antigone. but the whole story just makes me so.. emotional. and that quote stop! one of my favorite quotes is from the carson translation 'got a soul as raw as her father, no sense of compromise" because sheesh!!! she does!!!

and oedipus!!!! as a girl so hugely focused on incestual stories growing up (lol. the people on this blog are gonna be like girl.) but that play is like our bread and butter!!! so many different opinions and stop the best is discussions with professors !! tell me your opinion bae... personally i think it is more of a rashness to understand and belong than just his pride and need for justice. i mean who knows its been so long since ive read it! i want your scholarly opinions <3

noooooooooooooo he would be so intrigued. dont act like he wouldnt sit and listen to you ramble on and on about sophocles plays and then he would finally shut you up with a kiss to let you breathe <3

did you like the 1:45 piece!!!!!

#📮 asks #💓 anon

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frecklystars · 5 months

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As Barbie's girlfriend, can you settle the discourse on whether she's bisexual or aromantic or lesbian? I've seen so many takes.

"As Barbie's girlfriend" oh baby that means EVERYTHING TO ME. I am so honored, I'M Barbie's girlfriend?? 😳💘💘💘 the absolute love of my life... she's Barbie she's EVERYTHING and she's also My Girlfriend. So sorry to Ken Carson, but I am WINNING here.

Is there really discourse?? 😭 There shouldn't be! She's Barbie and it's just a movie. I am not the Official Person to ask for any "hey I think THIS is canon" but here's my personal headcanon just for fun:

My answer changes depending on the day and how I'm feeling. As someone who is a sapphic bisexual (possibly a lesbian if I really take the time to think about it but HAHA I won't spiral over THAT today, don't need an existential crisis right now, NO TIME FOR THAT), I might also be on the aromantic spectrum (or I might not be. it could just be the 'tism.), but I know for a fact I am asexual. SO, as a... my god what would you call me, an aroace WLW? I see Barbie as any of these things.

She -- and every single doll in BarbieLand -- is canonically asexual (expressed by Margot Robbie in multiple interviews). Now, she says it's "because they don't have reproductive organs", and we know this changes for Barbie at the end of the film. So, is she magically no longer asexual because of that logic? Who knows. You can be asexual but that's quite a spectrum. I am asexual but sex neutral, meaning I have zero sexual attraction but I am willing to sleep with my romantic partner if they desire it, and if I'm in the right headspace to do the work (since it's literally just All Work for me and not Feeling), and hey, maybe Barbie is asexual but sex neutral. Or sex repulsed. Or sex positive. Who knows!! When it comes to fiction, I feel 100% safe and comfortable exploring sexual feelings for my F/Os @beach-him-off-until-he-kens with art, fics, daydreaming, etc. Asexuality is a spectrum. Maybe Barbie is demisexual! Maybe she's ace! Or maybe when she's human, she isn't anymore. Who knows!!!

I can see Barbie as a lesbian because she had a male-identifying (I'm sorry if that's the incorrect phrase; feel free to correct me on that) doll quite literally CREATED to BE her love interest, that she had zero interest for (in the 2023 movie ofc, other iterations however are entirely a different story) but she was soooo loving with her girls, her Barbies. She could just be best friends with Barbies without any romantic attraction whatsoever, of course, but I remember a Margot/Ryan interview where Margot said "if Barbie were on a dating app, she'd have to be VERY CLEAR that her partner NEEDS to be okay with the fact that she needs her girls!! She loves her girls and NEEDS her girls nights" and yeah you could interpret that as "she's just best friends with girls" but as a queer person, I read it as queer. The lesbian-colored shirt Gloria was wearing, too... oh, honey, that cannot be a coincidence, there's no way they didn't know those were the lesbian pride colors. This movie was made with a few openly queer people (i.e. Ncuti Gatwa, Scott Evans, Hari Nef), for queer people, and possibly even by a few queer people. I would not rule out the possibility of Barbie being a lesbian.

I remember another Margot/Ryan interview where someone asked "people believe Barbie and Ken are queer, do you think that's true, can you confirm that" and of course they cannot just outright be Renee Rapp and say "YEAH MY CHARACTER IS 100% A LESBIAN" because these people have had media training SLDFJSDLFSDF. But I remember Margot and Greta have both said that BarbieLand is inclusive for queer people and they want EVERYONE to feel welcome there, that any dolls being queer there wouldn't be seen as "abnormal" like it is in our world, because BarbieLand is just... dolls. They don't face homophobia or transphobia or racism the way that we do in the real world, they don't even have a concept of that, they are quite literally not built for it. Somebody else can absolutely phrase this so much better than I can, but I hope what I'm saying makes even just a little bit of sense.

So anyway to answer your question, I personally see Barbie as a lesbian asexual, possibly somewhere on the aro spectrum, like a demiromantic ace lesbian, but I am open to her being literally anything at all. My answer changes every so often! Some days, I see her as a biromantic asexual, because who says she'd only be attracted to women just because she wasn't attracted to Ken? She could be attracted to any gender, and Ken just might not be her cup of tea, y'know? Some days I see her as aromantic asexual. Some days I just say she's WLW/queer and it doesn't have to be deeper than that. After all, she's Barbie, she's Everything, and Barbie Can Be Anything™.

#anonymous #asks #im so happy you asked me this. thank you i LOVE talking about barbie #and also. BARBIE'S GF!!!! i will think about that all damn day #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡#barbie

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moonguided · 8 months

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𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑐𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 & now , so let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater . inside this place is warm , outside it starts to p o u r . 🌙

indie multi muse filled with a handful of original muses made of my own creation & some inspiration plucked by songs or tv adaptations .

brief summary of rules & thingss. i do not own any of the gifs i use, but the portrayals are all solely MY CREATIONS. mun is 21+. dark or heavy themes may appear time to time such as toxic relationships, alcohol, drugs or nsfw so keep that IN MIND before following. i do not write taboo subjects, r*pe, inc*st, step/c*st; ect. memes are reblogged for interaction i welcome 24/7. and open starters are posted for the same reasons. SO FEEL FREE to answer any of those at any time or send in any memes at any time. there is no expiration date on either one. i am fandomless, but open to fandom crossovers. i don't mind writing with canon muses. i use medium gifs, but feel free to use what you'd like. and last but not least, be nice and considerate.

‘BANNED’ FCS. i don't really have any 'banned' fcs. however, fcs i have no interest in would be sydney sweeney, youtubers, models, animated, kardashians/jenners.

FAVORITE FCS. would consist of sofia carson, rachel zegler, mimi keene, madelyn cline, zendaya, florence pugh, annasophia robb, sabrina carpenter, nina dobrev, camila morrone.

FAVORITE FC PAIRINGS. rachel zegler x tom blyth (me writing either muse), madelyn cline x felix mallard (you writing maddie fc with my felix fc muse), austin butler x annasophia robb (you writing anna fc with my future austin fc), leo dicaprio x margot robbie. (you writing a margot fc with my leo dicaprio muse). anddd prolly a handful more will be added that im not even thinking of atm.

muses.

RIVER MONTAGUE. | 22-30. | fc: young leo dicaprio. | free spirit hopping place to place around the city that never sleeps, artist by day and a trouble maker by night. likely to play a prank on you or drag you into his trouble. (under co.) | residence: new york, new york.

AXL MONTGOMERY. | 21-23. | fc: felix mallard. | indiana boy. skate boarder, easy going, loner that’ll sit over in a corner to himself with cigarette in hand but coincidentally everyone’s friend and likes to make people laugh with his wit. comes from a broken home & a lot of that is subtly carried over with him, molded him to come off hesitant about who he shares his heart with and gives it completely away to. nonetheless, he definitely doesn’t lack a heart. attached to his loving grandmother– whose definitely been a great role model on bringing him up right. he’s the boy who comes through your window at night and will nag you to death for just a crumb of your attention. easy going and would say it’s an unpopular opinion as most young people love to tear out of a small town, but he’s really into where he comes from and takes pride in it. | residence: small town indiana.

MRS. IVY HART. | 30-34. | fc: brianne howey. | southern belle, over thinker, ball of anxiety, 5th grade teacher, wears her heart on her sleeve, kind heart but a dark past that’s top secret on keeping and concealing. always been on the run, would like to be settled back down in her home state of north carolina– but life hasn’t dealt her that lucky to have that opportunity so she’s lodged herself in a different city far off. | residence: (located in whatever city your muse is from. born and raised in asheville, north carolina.) // based off georgia from georgia & ginny, just a little less murderous than georgia lol.

DAISY MAY GROVER. | 21-25. | fc: rachel zegler. | the preacher’s daughter. tender hearted, feels this immense pressure to always be ‘perfect’ in her father’s eyes, always a self conscious need to feel like she needs his approval. singer, into theatre, loves music, especially the older kind, always a back talker, fiercely sweet, can shoot a gun and be as lovely as the sun. comes with a lot of mommy issues out of abandonment– in denial to it, too. attention deprived, headstrong and a little of a control freak. when a remote, strict man collides worlds with a rebellious always on the run kind of spirit of a woman then brings a tiny daisy, born in the warm wind of a fresh may day, courtesy of her middle name… it doesn’t end on such a good note and the result of that is always a result of a broken home and a broken child. | residence: chattanooga, tennessee.

MIA REED. | 22-26. | fc: sabrina carpenter. | TO BE WRITTEN.

JESSE ROSE. | 23-28. | fc: tom blyth. | race car driver, race car number SEVEN. mechanic + now a care taker of mistreated horses. kind of person that doesn’t start a fight but doesn’t care to finish one. born in south carolina, now off place to place for races and has a long time love for horses from growing up around them. they were his only friends and once you’ve been loved by a horse, it never leaves you. raised by a kind stepmother, but had a distant father– the only thing they could bond on was the love for racing. had a high school sweet heart who betrayed him and along the way developed a pack of trust issues. abandonment issues from his real mother taking off on him when he was 8. falls in love easy, but will shield his feelings from getting attached so he might run away from you if he feels he’s getting in too deep. when jesse’s not out on the track, he’s at his ranch giving the love to any of the horses that get brought in to him who’ve been mistreated. horses grew up being his bestest of friends, so he thinks he owes them back his love and companionship– especially the ones that’ve been abused or neglected from their previous owners. | residence: outskirts of charleston, south carolina & sometime’s in a different city over night for a competition.

SEBASTIAN WILDE. | 22-28. | fc: austin butler. | born in memphis. raised up, actin’ just like anyone else out in memphis. not a whole lot to do outside the city, so he grew up picking guitars and making makeshift stages in his mama’s living room singing and carrying on. writing songs or working on old cars. sebastian’s not hard to like, with big blue puppy dog eyes, a cute smile and a way of sweet talking his way out of the worst predicaments. and he’d admit, he gets himself in quite a lot of those. a boy without a daddy was surely going to end up in all kinds of trouble, even if he sure hated making his mama let down. that’s why he feels he should stick to music, lash out all his anger through singin’ and playin’ down at the local joint called ‘THE CORNER’. that’s where you’ll find him. if he’s not makin’ a ruckus at any of the local bars and getting into fights– or starting them. | residence: memphis, tennessee.

#pinned.

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cyarskaren52 · 9 months

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📸 Look at this post on Facebook https://deadspin.com/idiot-of-the-year-rodgers-schilling-bayless-tuberville-1851115320/slides/2?

IDIOTS OF MONTH/YEAR

IDIOT OF THE YEAR 2023: The complete rankings

All the very worst from a year wrought with stupidity

ByDeadspin Staff

PublishedYesterday

Welcome to the grand finale of Deadspin’s IDIOT OF THE YEAR festivities. Here’s hoping 2024 will be better. It probably won’t.

2 / 52

List slides

50. Olivia Dunne

Olivia Dunne is set up such that she can do basically nothing for the rest of her time at LSU and graduate with millions of dollars in the bank. Why would she accept a sponsorship in March from a company that sells AI-generated homework help and risk pissing off her school? Not her brightest moment.

3 / 52

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49. George Santos

Jewish volleyball standout George Santos found himself on this list back in May, after he was finally indicted on charges including fraud and money laundering.

4 / 52

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48. Jackson Mahomes

What’s that saying? “If someone shows you they’re an irredeemable piece of sh*t, believe them”? Case in point, alleged sex criminal Jackson Mahomes.

5 / 52

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47. Ron Rivera

Riverboat Ron took a gamble in the Washington Commanders 2022 season Waterloo when he opted to promote Carson Wentz back to his original station as the Commanders’ starting quarterback. That trust backfired in his face when Wentz imploded against the Cleveland Browns.

It turns out, Rivera thought he was playing with house money. While on the podium for his postgame press conference in January, Rivera was genuinely shocked during his exchange with a reporter to discover that the Commanders would be eliminated that day if Green Bay defeated Minnesota in the afternoon game.

For a strategist and two-time Coach of the Year who once prided himself on being Analytical Ron, this was a devastating oversight. I still dream that I show up to class I haven’t been to all semester and the final exam is being presented. Rivera lived it.

6 / 52

List slides

46. Tucker Carlson

Between the $787 million settlement in Dominion Voting Systems lawsuit hinging on the content of his and other colleague’s embarrassing text messages, the impending $2 billion civil suit being pursued by Smartmatic, and the civil suit filed by a former Fox News producer that specifically names Carlson, chairman Rupert Murdoch had enough of Carlson, and unexpectedly canned him on April 24.

Carlson’s text messages which were made public exposed him as a charlatan who’ll take any disingenuous position that would advance his career. As opposed to being a serious member of an adversarial press, Carlson was publicly a Trump lickspittle while privately texting colleagues, “I hate him passionately,” and that “We are very very close to being able to ignore Trump most nights, I truly can’t wait,” only to do a complete 180 on air. Carlson was one of many Fox News entertainers posing as journalists who privately espoused thoughts that ran counter to their public positions.

The final straw may have been texts from Carlson that described a Fox News exec as the other C-word. Carlson’s reputation still hasn’t recovered from Jon Stewart bodying him for pretending to be CNN Crossfire’s Stephen A. Smith nearly two decades ago. Now, Carlson will be relegated to the graveyard of former Fox News hosts Bill O’Reilly, and Glenn Beck. Like most dark spirits, Carlson will rise again on OAN, Blaze, or whichever stupid outlet emerges as the television version of Truth Social.

7 / 52

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45. Moriah Mills

She’s the porn star who exposed Zion Williamson in June. Mills revealed Williamson’s infidelity in a series of explicit tweets.

For almost the entire month of June, Mills inundated all of Twitter (now X) with all the personal information we never needed about Williamson’s sex life and has been on a month-long rampage bordering on corrosive obsession. What started out as an instance of a woman scorned reached its boiling point when Mills threatened to release an explicit video of herself and Williamson if the Pelicans didn’t trade him before the NBA Draft. Ironically, in doing so, she may have tanked his trade value while rumors swirled he would be shopped for a top-3 pick.

8 / 52

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44. Zion Williamson

In June, news of Zion Williamson’s unfaithfulness to his long-time girlfriend was unveiled after he shared they were expecting a child. Despite being with the same women since high school, Williamson has been recklessly chasing women in these social media streets. After all, this is the same guy who was getting his business put on front street while asking UNC coeds out on Snapchat while he was at Duke. Williamson hasn’t learned much since then and appears to be enjoying the trappings of superstardom too much.

9 / 52

List slides

43. Whoever snuck a gun into a White Sox game

We’d like to be more descriptive in identifying the idiot behind the shooter at Guaranteed Rate Field in Chicago during a White Sox game back in August that injured three people, but we have no idea who did it. So we, as observers, can only make this deduction: Because guns can neither transport nor fire themselves, there must ultimately be a person at fault. And that person is, at best, criminally stupid.

Circumstances surrounding the apparently unintentional gunfire were only made more confusing earlier that week, when a small crop of too-wacky-to-be-true details began to emerge, including a claim that the suspect was a woman who snuck a firearm into Guaranteed Rate Field by “hiding it in the folds of her belly fat” before shooting herself and two others in the stands a short time later. Another outlet, Sports Mockery (which covers Chicago teams and, despite its name, is not satirical) claimed the woman repeatedly set off the stadium’s metal detectors but was waved through anyway by security guards, who “did not want to overstep their boundaries” by making physical contact with an armed Rubenesque lunatic.

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42. Marcus Freeman/Notre Dame

Marcus Freeman better be careful. The Notre Dame head coach brought a defensive acumen and youthful exuberance to a vintage program that’s fallen behind the times. Unfortunately, that experience cost the Fighting Irish in the waning moment of their 17-14 loss to Ohio State back in September.

Lining up on the 1-yard-line with one fewer defensive lineman ultimately allowed the Buckeyes to scoot in for the game-winning touchdown. Too many men on the field is a common mistake discombobulated teams make amid the fast-paced substitutions that happen at pit crew speeds from time to time. Better safe than sorry. However, undercounting is an egregious error that can’t be explained. Yet, Freeman tried and actually made it worse.

When Freeman was asked in his postgame presser why he didn’t take a penalty to get the extra defensive lineman on the field, Freeman explained that they were out of timeouts, and didn’t couldn’t afford to take the penalty. That reasoning would fly if Notre Dame were at the 10 or 20-yard line. However, from the 1, the most yardage that could be tacked on was half the distance to the goal. Even in the moment, Freeman didn’t seem to understand he was implying that having one fewer defensive lineman on the final play from scrimmage wasn’t worth half a yard.

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41. Draymond Green

The mercurial Golden State Warriors star stomped on a guy in April. Then, he recently punched Jusuf Nurkić in the face, leading to an indefinite suspension from the NBA.

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40. Trevor Bauer

We don’t take enough people’s passports away.

That can be the only conclusion when seeing how Trevor Bauer, our most recent export of sludge that no one asked for, right up there with Fords, has landed with a splat in Japan back in May. You could argue that Japan is the one that welcomed him, so they’re getting what they deserve. And boy are they getting it.

Bauer showed up with at best an ill-conceived and at worst insulting — and it’s Bauer so always assume the worst — strikeout celebration before he’d ever thrown a pitch. His teammates were already on alert after seeing it, which in a shocking bit of actual awareness he shelved. Perhaps the language barrier prevented him from invoking the usual “it’s your fault if you’re insulted” excuse.

Then again, Bauer didn’t have much excuse to be pulling out any celebrations, seeing as how he spent his first three starts getting his ass kicked up to his ears by NPB hitters, to the tune of an 8.40 ERA. If you’re going to be a galactic asshole who can’t change his ways, the least you could do is pitch well.

Maybe he’ll blame it on the lack of sticky stuff, or the fact that Japanese baseballs are pre-tacked, or maybe he’ll come up with something new to absolve himself. It’s always been his best skill.

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39. Tommy Tuberville

Everything this man does is stupid, but this one was especially so. The man inexplicably elected by Alabama voters to the United States Senate went on record to defend white nationalists in July, claiming that it was merely “some people’s opinion” that racism was innately tied to the ideology. He quickly retreated from that position, but, jeez, what a moron. Great job, Alabama.

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38. Chris “Mad Dog” Russo

Christopher Michael Russo, aka Mad Dog, recently caught flack for going back on a verbal “promise” he made on air in October concerning his career.

Russo pledged that if the Diamondbacks came back from down 3-2 against the Phillies to win the series in seven games and advance to the World Series, he would retire on the spot. Indeed, Russo is a dope, and should apologize, but not for picking against the D-Backs.

Mad Dog should apologize to all the other dopes who actually believed someone would give up their livelihood over something they spewed on air for ratings. Russo may be an idiot, but he’s no dummy. He knows people eat up stuff like this and would be compelled to tune in to hear him on Sirius XM or watch on ESPN.

It was a win-win for this fool and a disappointment for those he grifted. Russo never had any intention of retiring. Stop believing these buffoons, especially those named Russo or Stephen A. Smith. They continue to show us time and time again who they are. It’s time we start believing them.

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37. Stephen A. Smith

Stephen A. Smith took up his vacation home on Idiot Of The Month in November for once again treating a female coworker as something of his property, or at least his ward. For no reason whatsoever, Smith decided to admonish people, real or imagined, texting him about Kimberley A. Martin, and decreeing that none of them could “have her.” Somehow, in SAS’s mind, he’s become the protector of Martin, who you’ll never believe is an actual adult woman trying to do her job that has nothing to do with her social life, of which she can make her own choices.

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36. Maicol Quinonez

In January, influencer Maicol Quinonez appeared on video with “Messi” tattooed across his forehead. He has since said he regretted his decision.

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35. Brett Favre

As if he couldn’t lean any further into the muck, Brett Favre sank deeper into the mud in May bycalling for a Fox News boycott over the right-wing propaganda network firing host Tucker Carlson. It’s not entirely surprising that Favre is a loyal viewer of Carlson’s, though. What a boycott of Fox News is supposed to accomplish is still up for debate, but it’s still not the most worthless thing Favre has been involved with lately.

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34. Jets fans

When you’re one play away from Zach Wilson being your starting quarterback, and the man keeping the worst No. 2 overall draft pick since Ryan Leaf off the field is 39 years old, it was always hard to understand why Jets fans hyped themselves up so much this offseason. The team was good, but clearly not good enough to make a serious push for a Super Bowl. And the team’s savior, Aaron Rodgers, didn’t complete a pass in his first season with the Jets. He only lasted four plays before suffering a season-ending Achilles injury back in September. What did Jets fans get excited for again?

Now, the Jets have missed the playoffs after losing 30-0 against Miami in Week 15, effectively ending the hope that Rodgers might be able to play for them down the stretch (and because it seems highly unlikely to recover from an Achilles injury that quickly).

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33. Buffalo Bills

The Buffalo Bills attempted to steal a page from the Seattle Seahawks book in their Week 10 loss to Denver back in November. Buffalo utilized the 12th man play only they implemented the extra player on the field instead of in the stands. This inexcusable extra man on the field penalty helped keep the Broncos alive, which subsequently led to them kicking the game-winning field goal as time expired.

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32. Royce White

The lengths climate change deniers go to now include blaming space lasers for catastrophic wildfires. The blaze in Hawaii during mid-August was one of the deadliest natural disasters in United States history, yet former NBA player, and current BIG3 open gym participant Royce White wants to “Investigate Maui.” So much so that he wrote it on the side of his head during a BIG3game in the same month.

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31. Lance Armstrong

Armstrong has repeatedly poked his head out of his ass since getting canceled before the term even entered the American vernacular, and it’s usually to promote a podcast like every other person who thinks their vocal cords are a gift to humanity. In June, he decided to tackle the issue of fairness in sports as it relates to transgender women. Yes, that’s right, the guy who’s synonymous with blood doping, has some thoughts on what’s fair. Judging by his moral compass, I’m surprised he didn’t don a wig and stuff a bra in an attempt to enter the women’s Tour de France after being exiled from the men’s side. The only good to come of this is fodder for slideshows about morons — which, hey, that’s what this is.

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30. Rand Paul

Another inexplicable member of the United States Senate was an idiot of the month back in July, when Paul had NIL legislation in his crosshairs recently when he mused that college athletes would soon end up more closely resembling rappers than students, what with their newfound ability to be paid for their work. Apparently, this second-generation dumbf*ck is all about laissez-faire government policy until it puts money in the pockets of young people, specifically those of color.

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29. Ja Morant

The budding NBA superstar spent a large portion of March seeking a better way to relieve stress after he took to Instagram Live from the Denver gentleman’s club to show off his rapping acumen and a handgun.

The Grizzlies were almost as quick to react as the internet and sat him down for an indefinite period of time. The strip club incident — that was gradually leaked online after the initial IG Live story — looked like a helluva time, and had it not punctuated a week of Morant being in the news cycle for all the wrong reasons, Ja might have been able to skate.

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28. Rudy Gobert

You’d think Rudy Gobert would have learned his lesson about boundaries after triggering an entire league shutdown three years ago. And yet, there he was using that extended wingspan to take a jab at teammate Kyle Anderson in April during the 82nd game on Minnesota’s schedule His tenure in Utah was buffeted by his fractured working relationship with Donovan Mitchell, and his only year in Minnesota has been an unmitigated disaster.

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27. Brad Bohannon

Brad Bohannon was axed from Alabama’s baseball program on May 4 for “among other things, violating the standards, duties, and responsibilities expected of University employees,” per a statement from Alabama athletic director Greg Byrne. While how heavily Bohannon was involved in the sports betting that led to him getting the pink slip isn’t publicly known, and may never be, but his quick ouster does all the talking for both sides. Maybe Bohannon thought he could get away with it, or it wouldn’t be a fireable offense (the most idiotic option), or he was looking for a quick way out of coaching forever. Having no moral compass or external reference point to think this was a bad idea shows Bohannon isn’t fit to run a Division-I athletic program. It’s actually twisted to think this was going on for a while before he was caught. How many results were influenced by slimy tactics that somehow didn’t derail the Southeastern Conference baseball season?

The person making the wagers that flagged questions was identified as Bert Eugene Neff Jr., of Mooresville, Ind., by Sports Illustrated, the parent of a current University of Cincinnati baseball player. His relation to Bohannon is unclear, other than through the baseball world, as Bohannon never coached in the state of Ohio. Either way, congratulations on being a huge dumbass, and thinking helping someone make money off your kids through sports betting was a good idea.

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26. Chicago Bears

There are a lot of reasons why the Bears could be on this year’s Idiots list. The perpetual terrible head-coaching choices. The systematic takedowns of their own promising young quarterbacks. That fact that the owners can’t make a decent decision to save their lives. But, in September, the Bears truly outdid themselves in the way they completely fumbled whatever the hell happened with Defensive Coordinator Alan Williams’ resignation.

Williams, who had been away from the team since Week 1 for undisclosed reasons, stepped down before Week 3 for undisclosed reasons that he claimed were related to his health, and family. This, of course, is after the Bears told beat reporters that Williams’ absence was not due to his health or family. Bears head coach Matt Eberflus fanned the flames of the conspiracies that were already running wild online by refusing to answer questions about Williams’ absence. And, even after rumors began swirling on social media that both Williams’ home and Halas Hall had been raided by the FBI, the Bears issued a perfunctory statement, saying only, “Alan Williams submitted his resignation as the team’s defensive coordinator this afternoon.” And that was it! No “best of luck,” nothing about Williams’ future. Nothing. Just “he quit.”

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25. John Angelos

John Angelos should’ve been, or could’ve been at least, one of the most popular people in Maryland back in August. He’s got the American League’s best team — the Orioles — on the field, after years of being utterly irrelevant, playing in what is still the gold standard of the new age of ballparks. They’re young, they’re exciting, they hit the shit out of the ball. All Angelos has to do is not talk, and be shown smiling in his box or whatever.

And yet none of them can help it. Even amongst the best stretch of Os baseball in what, at least a decade, with the promise of so much more, Angelos is threatening fans with higher ticket prices or needed tax breaks and state handouts or a full-out move, simply so he can have more of what he already has. All these guys, especially the failsons, have a disposition of having needed to take a dump since they were 11.

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24. Stefany Ferrer Van Ginkel

It takes a severe lack of brain cells to throw up the Sieg Heil salute in public. Add in that the offending party did it in drive-by fashion toward a pro-Israel demonstration, with cellphones handy, and that’s how former NWSL player Stefany Ferrer Van Ginkel ended up on November’s list.

Talking about the Israel-Palestine war takes a deft hand, but you don��t have to be Susan Sarandon to know that saluting Hitler to a crown of Jewish people is not nuanced, or thoughtful. Ferrer Van Ginkel’s former club, Angel FC, made sure to distance themselves from the incident, reiterating that the two are no longer affiliated.

The lesson is simple: Don’t be a Nazi.

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23. Mario Cristobal

Contrary to popular belief, the definition of insanity isn’t actually “doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.” Merriam-Webster defines it as:

“a severely disordered state of the mind usually occurring as a specific disorder”

“unsoundness of mind or lack of the ability to understand that prevents someone from having the mental capacity required by law to enter into a particular relationship, status, or transaction or that releases someone from criminal, or civil responsibility”

“extreme folly or unreasonableness”

“something utterly foolish or unreasonable”

Miami head football coach Mario Cristobal fits perfectly with the fourth explanation.

Cristobal is on the list because in October, his then-No. 17 ranked Hurricanes, who were 4-0, lost to (2-3) Georgia Tech. They were leading 20-17 with 33 seconds left on the clock when Cristobal decided against taking a knee and running the clock out for the guaranteed win. Instead, Miami ran it, and fumbled. Georgia Tech recovered, eventually scored, and won in the final seconds.

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22. Toronto Raptors

It’s hard to fathom exactly what the Toronto Raptors were thinking when they came up with this jaunty bit of content for Women’s History Month.

Time of Death for Women’s History Month? Whatever time this was published on March 1.

Teams love to trot out their female employees once a year, usually on International Women’s Day, which is galling enough (we don’t want women in sports to be visible once a year, we want it all year round!), but not being able to find a single guy on your team to express anything women do well outside of “they birth everybody,” is really the pièce de resistance here. The video wasn’t up long; the Raptors took the piece down right quick after it started making the rounds on social media. But I was easily able to come up with something women do well outside of being “the only ones who can procreate.” For example, women can tell you when your idea for video content is going to make everyone laugh at you for being sexist jerkfaces during Women’s History Month.

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No. 21 Antonio Brown

AB bought an arena football team in the month of May and it went to sh*t pretty much immediately. Who could have seen this coming, except everyone?

Antonio Brown kicked off January 2023 the same way he left 2022, as an idiot. And if you tried to predict what Brown would be in the news for as a New Year’s resolution, and you got it right, please tell us what numbers to pick in the lottery. Also, you might be a psychopath.

A few weeks back, Brown looked like he was having a normal day, with his family and kids, constantly updating his Snapchat story to show us a pretty normal life by his standards. And then there’s a photo of him getting fellated by a woman with no censor and we can see everything.

And it’s disgusting and more of Brown than anyone wanted to see. Also, who shares it after a roll of content involving your family? That’s not normal. And should never be normalized. It’s sick. It’s truly a shame for such a great athlete to be outwardly dumb and ruin what could’ve been a Hall of Fame career. And there seems to be no low or blow he won’t take.

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20. Keith Olbermann

Keith Olbermann was wrong back in April, when he thought Angel Reese was in the wrong for taunting Caitlin Clark as her LSU Tigers defeated the Iowa Hawkeyes for the National Championship. Reese was actually just giving Clark a taste of her own medicine. And even if Clark hadn’t been hitting previous opponents with the “You can’t see me,” children’s eyes would not begin to bleed because Reese decided to rub in the victory.

Who was out of line, though, was Olbermann — for tweeting out that Reese “is a f—ing idiot.” Barstool’s Dave Portnoy called her a “classless piece of s—t,” and both deserve those vulgar insults thrown back at them. Olbermann later apologized for being “uninformed” that Clark also engages in trash talk, and said that both were wrong. He also said that he doesn’t follow basketball in any way.

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19. Dana White

So, the real reasons why White has been selected are because of his response to slapping his wife across the face in January, and the debut of perhaps the most tone-deaf “sports” league of all time: Ultimate Face Slapping. It’s not actually called that, but that’s exactly what it is — concussions not only included but required.

In his apology for slapping his wife, he said the real punishment was that he’d have to live with the shame for the rest of his life. While he said “real” he really meant “only” as the UFC prez deemed his actions didn’t merit a suspension. He even had to tell UFC fans to stop defending him. Little does he realize that he validated his behavior by skipping the much–needed timeout.

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18. The guy who harassed Brittney Griner

There are some disgusting human beings on planet Earth. Truly vile creatures who commit acts of unspeakable horror. The people who physically violate and/or extinguish the humanity of others are the worst of us. If that is the bottom of the human totem pole, just above those folks are people like Alex Stein.

This wretched creature approached Brittney Griner in June — who spent almost a year detained in Russia — at an airport and harassed her as content for his far-right YouTube page. He approached her and got within arms reach, which security should never have allowed. Stein then repeatedly made derogatory comments to Griner about being traded for Viktor Bout and having sex with Vladimir Putin.

How bold of him to approach a person at an airport who is still likely deeply scarred from the year she spent behind bars in a foreign land, and insult her. Big tough guy who claims on his YouTube page to be a person who “takes on the liberal world order with courage and humor.”

Stein is the antithesis of courage. He is scum. A contemptible coward taking up resources on this planet and providing no value in return. A true stain on the human species. A person not interested in doing any good, and instead finds pleasure in bulldozing decency.

He is pollution that is far worse than fossil fuels or plastic. At least those are capable of powering cars and holding water. Stein provides no beneficial service to the planet in any way. He takes pleasure in degrading society.

A truly pathetic, vomit-inducing pile of feces.

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17. Britney Spears

In July, Victor Wembanyama was wrong because he made something out of nothing when he embellished a story to the press. But, we’ll give him a semi-pass because he’s a 19-year-old kid from France who was just days into his new job in America — and boy did America welcome him in the “American way.”

Britney Spears was wrong because she knew she could make something into a bigger somethingbecause of who she is. And as a 41-year-old grown woman who fully understands how the media can work — for the bad — she used all of her white woman privilege to play the victim.

Just because you want to meet someone, it doesn’t give you the right to feel you deserve to be acknowledged by them, let alone touch them. Black people aren’t animals. This isn’t a petting zoo.

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16. Caitlin Jenner

Jenner shared the November IOTM second-place spot with Chris Broussard after tweeting the r-word, and spelling it wrong.

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15. Chris Broussard

Chris Broussard’s ability to shriek about the NBA isn’t quite as obnoxious as Stephen A.’s, but it makes FS1’s First Things First a fascinating watch. As long as he doesn’t quote inaccurate sources on the show or brag about his dozens of DM exchanges with NBA All-Stars. Back in November, during a discussion about James Harden’s acquisition by the Los Angeles Clippers, the show nearly derailed after Broussard redundantly asked if the Clippers point guard was r—d. It’s been years since Broussard was the NBA’s Shams Charania and off-handed comments like that are a reminder of how he fell from that perch.

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14. Racist-ass fans

Racist fans in sports are nothing new — just ask Hank Aaron or Serena Wiliams. But one good thing about technology advancing to the point where everyone has a cell phone on them at all times is that their cruelty (and, yes…idiocy) is captured for posterity, where we can mock, and expose them in perpetuity.

In October, it was Broncos defensive back Kareem Jackson, who shared a racist message he received following getting ejected against the Packers. “Stop behaving like a f***ing n** 🤡,” a “fan” sent himvia private message. Back in September, it was Vikings’ running back Alexander Mattison sharing screenshots of racist messages he was sent, and that was also the month we saw Alabama fans screaming racist and homophobic slurs at Texas players.

So let’s be clear for those whose parents did raise them right: Despite what certain corners of the internet may tell you, there is no place this is acceptable in the United States of America in 2023. If you are so triggered by your team losing at sports that you revert to your basest and most unseemly urges, you need to seek therapy. You certainly don’t get to watch games where most of the players putting their bodies on the line are Black men (and women), and then resort to racist slurs and taunts when things don’t go your way. Grow up and find a way to stop wasting so much skin.

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13. Dillon Brooks

Dillon Brooks’ metric for success is supposed to be his aggressive defense and ability to knock down open threes. However, for the last few years in Memphis, their supposed 3-and-D wing was a 0-level scorer who resorted to buffoonish antics to keep pace on defense. In his preseason debut against the Indiana Pacers, Brooks showcased the depths of his idiocy by going back to the familiar role of nut tapping.

After initially getting called for a defensive foul seconds earlier in the Rockets preseason opener in October, Brooks was whistled a second time for a flagrant 2 tech after violently slapping Daniel Theis in the groin while trying to run through his screen. It’s a move Brooks has tried before. Somehow most NBA players and professional boxers are able to go their entire career without needlessly punching opponents below the midsection. Worse, he still refused to take responsibility for his clownish behavior.

“I might have tapped him below the waist, but he got right back up. I don’t know. It’s weird that every time it happens to me, I get picked on. I guess it’s part of reputation.” Brooks told the media afterwards.

Brooks had much to say about the Lakers and LeBron James in April, most notably before falling behind 3-1 in their opening-round playoff series, where they went on to lose to James 4-2. Like many people in the age of social media, Brooks feels like he can talk crap, and that validates him because he’s playing on the biggest hoops stage in the world.

“I don’t care. He’s old. … I poke bears. I don’t respect someone until he gives me 40,” Brooks said.

No one thinks Brooks or the Grizzlies, in general, should fear any player, or team, but when you fix your lips in preparation to go at a guy like LeBron, you’d better be ready to back it up. Not that James is above reproach, but you can��t talk the way Brooks has and perform in the manner he has on the court in this series. If you’re going to run your mouth non-stop, the least you can do is shoot better than 22 percent from three-point range.

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12. Curt Schilling

Curt Schilling was roundly blasted in September for putting former teammate Tim Wakefield’s brain cancer diagnosis out there— and not just by fans who already disliked him. Former teammates and their families jumped in as well, punctuating the sad reality that the zero-time Cy Young winner’s occasional on-field heroics have become, at this point, fully overshadowed by his status as an irredeemably weird jerk.

While Schilling’s decision to dox Wakefield’s illness was surely his most idiotic act this month, the fallout led to many perusing his tweets, and realizing, perhaps far too late, that he’s got some pretty weird ideas about the Third Reich and politics in general. This was not a new development — he’s always been known for his collection of German World War II “memorabilia” and fondness for ridiculous words like “libtard” and “demokkkrat” — but, if anything, he’s become even more unhinged as he continues his second act as a right-wing gasbag for second-tier conservative publications.

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11. Chris Curtis

There is nothing like when racism is spread on one bun and sexism on the other to make a scrumptious offensive sandwich. That is what Chris Curtis managed to pull off in a silly radio segment that resulted in him getting suspended from WEEI back in March.

In a conversation about liquor on The Greg Hill Show, the crew delved into a conversation about the best “nips.” They decided to cobble together — live — a list of alcohols that provide the best sip a.k.a “nip.” Again, this entire conversation is about booze, not people. For those who like to nip other people, your pleasure is your business as long as it’s consensual.

Curtis decided this conversation was a great opportunity to make a joke about Mina Kimes. While the best nips were being discussed, he lightly dropped her name into the microphone. The word that was the subject of their conversation can also function as a slur towards Japanese people. Curtis took a deep dive into his racism files to hurl that one at a Korean person.

That is of course if his goal was to slur Kimes. Curtis defended himself by saying that when he brought her name into the conversation, he was talking about Mila Kunis’ nipples and had a slip of the tongue. If that explanation is true, in his mind the radio airwaves are a comfortable place to insert a woman’s body part into a conversation. A conversation that had nothing to do with human beings. Also, who among you casually abbreviates the word nipple in conversation?

Take a bow, Chris. You invented a sandwich that is perfect to be served on Yawkey Way.

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10. Skip Bayless

For as long as we can remember, Skip Bayless has been pissing people off. But, in recent years, his terribleness has reached new heights. We could talk about his long history of being a jerk to his coworkers, and how it feels like Shannon Sharpe is going to jump across that debate table on FS1’s Undisputed at any moment to take a swing at Skip. But all that fails in comparison to what he said in response to Damar Hamlin collapsing on the field in January due to cardiac arrest.

Football and America go together like Republicans and voter suppression, as they’re entities that have proven that they can’t live without the other. So when the world watched as Hamlin fought for his life on national television playing a child’s game that this country has committed itself to — despite understanding how violent of a sport it is — you know it’s a pivotal moment when we’ve all been stopped in our tracks by what we’ve seen.

Well, everyone except Skip Bayless.

At a time in which America was just hoping that we hadn’t watched Hamlin die on the field, Bayless was busy tweeting about playoff standings. And while his previous and following tweets were “more compassionate,” it was clear that he had chosen violence in a moment of united humanity.

John Edward Bayless II is an idiot. He’s earned his place on this list.

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9. Mookie Betts

In an interview with the Los Angeles Times’ Bill Shaikin in November, not only did Betts say that he hopes an MLB team will sign Bauer this offseason, but also “I love him. I think he’s an awesome guy.”

In regards to the violation of MLB’s domestic violence and sexual assault policy for which an independent arbitrator ruled that Bauer deserved a 194-game suspension — the longest in league history for such an offense — “The personal things? I have no control,” Betts said to Shaikin. “I have no say. Obviously, nothing came from it.”

Nothing came from it except for a historic 194-game suspension, which the arbitrator reduced from the 324 games that Commissioner Rob Manfred had originally issued.

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8. Glenn Kuiper

Glen Kuiper got himself fired after saying the N-word when discussing the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum on air in May.

“I could not be more sorry and horrified by what I said. I hope you will accept my sincerest apologies,” said the Oakland A’s longtime announcer. It’s kinda like the only word white people can’t say, and Kuiper still found a way to mess it up. And because of it, he lost his job.

“Monday morning, I was informed by an NBC executive that after a 20-year broadcasting career with the Oakland Athletics, my contract was terminated, effective immediately,” Kuiper wrote in a statement. “The termination was due to the unintentional use of an offensive word on the air during the May 5 pregame show.”

And if you were one of those people who think he made a simple mistake and didn’t mean anything by it, well, you fell for it.

“Please know racism is in no way a part of me; it never has been, and it never will be. I appreciate the Negro League Museum president Bob Kendrick and Oakland A’s great Dave Stewart’s public support of me in light of this. I am an honest, caring, kind, honorable, respectful husband, and father who would never utter a disparaging word about anybody. Those who know me best know this about me.

“I wish the Oakland A’s and NBC Sports would have taken into consideration my 20-year career, my solid reputation, integrity, and character, but in this current environment traits like integrity, and character are no longer considered. I will always have a hard time understanding how one mistake in a 20-year broadcasting career is cause for termination but I know something better is in my future.”

When you have to tell us you’re not a racist, you’ve probably been one for a long time.

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7. Phil Jackson

Phil Jackson had some things to say, and it put him on this list.

“It was trying to cater to an audience or trying to bring a certain audience to the game,” he said about the NBA having Black Lives Matter on the court in the bubble, and how it’s the reason he hasn’t watched the NBA since. “And they didn’t know it was turning other people off. People want to see sports as non-political. Politics stays out of the game; it doesn’t need to be there,” he whined on the Tetragrammaton podcast.

It feels like Jackson wants Black people to be quiet and Black athletes to shut up and dribble, despite the fact that his entire claim to fame as an NBA player and the greatest coach in league history is all due to the talents, and intellect of Black people.

And then some had the audacity to be “shocked” by his words as if he hadn’t been showing us who he was for decades.

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6. Luis Rubiales

Spanish Football Federation President Luis Rubiales is obviously an idiot. Simply by getting fired back in August because he couldn’t control himself after the women’s national team he oversaw reached its pinnacle is a sign of brain worms. However, his form of idiocy is a symptom of a much larger problem. Sexism flows throughout the Royal Spanish Football Federation. Forward Jenni Hermoso labeled Rubiales’ action as an “impulse-driven, sexist out of place act without any consent.

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5. Mel Tucker

If there was ever anyone who perfectly fits the description of what it takes to make this list, Mel Tucker is it.

Because back in September, not only did he admit to making “sexual comments” about Brenda Tracy — a rape survivor — while “masturbating” during a “late-night intimate conversation” that lasted 36 minutes, he’s married and is in the process of blowing the 10-year, $95 million extension he signed in 2021, all because he chose to unzip his pants after answering/making a call that night.

Life is all about choices. And at every turn, Mel Tucker made the wrong one.

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4. Silly man with the funny hat (Whitlock)

The narrative following Bronny James’ cardiac arrest during a USC basketball practice in late July was as predictable as it was mind-numbing. Anti-vaxxers came out in full throat, quick to blame the seemingly healthy young adult’s misfortune on the vaccine. It’s easy to find a COVID conspiracy for all of society’s ills, and it’s gotten so lazy that one can readily identify, and then avoid, wading into conversation with Dr. Mantis Stockton.

However, there are performance artists among us who just see things so idiotically, so completely wrong that engaging with them is unavoidable. Out of the most morbid bit of curiosity, you have to look, knowing full well that it will not only leave you speechless, but also severely dumber.

“I don’t believe LeBron or his family took the vaccine,” wrote a silly man with a funny hat on X. “I believe most elite athletes faked taking the vaxx. No way men in prime physical health injected a rushed vaccine into their bodies. I refuse to believe that. That’s my conspiracy. I don’t know what happened to Bronny.”

So, to paraphrase, the silly man doesn’t know what happened to Bronny because he believes elite athletes faked the vaccine. Look at the big galaxy brain on this guy. Not only are anti-vaxxers wrong, but so is everybody else.

If you ignore a crying spoiled brat long enough, they will eventually shut up. So, please, ignore him and stop retweeting him.

His crime? The usual. Saying something dumb, racist, misogynist, or all three back in March.

“Raise your hand if you knew ’Nip’ was an ethnic slur? I did not. Tell me how Mina Kimes’ life was impacted by this? Other than nailing herself to a cross, I don’t see the damage. She will dance to rap music calling black people N-words repeatedly without uttering a complaint.”

“Nailing myself to a cross?” ESPN’s Mina Kimes wrote in a quote tweet. “I made one joke and went back to work…because unlike you, I still talk about sports for a living. Have a great day.”

The response was perfect, as Kimes’ handling of this entire situation has been.

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3. Northwestern Football

While he may not have been in the program long enough to worship at the altar of Northwestern Coach Pat Fitzgerald, Mike Bajakian has been at Northwestern since 2020. Early in August, after the news broke of hazing in the NU locker room, Bajakian and several other staff members wore shirts that read “Cats against the world,” with Fitzgerald’s playing number between the words.

That means important people in the Northwestern football program have no remorse for what happened. They do not care that young people in their care were harmed by people who are supposed to be their “brothers.” Coaches in that program believe reporting that resulted in the ouster of Fitzgerald is a far greater wrong than former players being sexually abused.

Getting rid of the most visible eyesore of the rot does not fix the problem. When rotten to the core, everything must be disposed of and the structure built anew.

The Daily Northwestern broke the news on July 8 of the rampant hazing going on inside the football program, it came as a complete shock and dominated news coverage during the part of the sports calendar where anything tantalizing that isn’t Major League Baseball is obsessed over.

Let’s be clear: This is a major scandal where an unknown amount of people were hazed and/or subjected to negative activities outside the norm in college football. And one of the “good guys” in the sport, Pat Fitzgerald, a Northwestern alumnus with more than a quarter-century of Wildcats affiliation as a player, assistant coach, and most recently 17 years as the program’s head coach, was given a pink slip faster than a two-dollar hooker. Or a Lamborghini, whatever fits your mojo better. Fitzgerald was fired with cause, meaning Northwestern didn’t owe him his buyout, which is believed to be more than $40 million dollars.Fitzgerald’s representatives have said they’d sue to recoup that amount. Fitzgerald and other Northwestern dignitaries have also been named as defendants in lawsuits in the program’s hazing scandal.

Turns out Fitzgerald wasn’t the only Northwestern coach being reviewed by the school’s legal and human resources departments, as Jim Foster was removed as the Wildcats’ head baseball coach on July 13 for allegations of bullying and a toxic team environment. ESPN reported Foster would’ve been fired earlier if it wasn’t for a shift from Northwestern’s legal and human resources team to focus on Fitzgerald. So what was the school’s excuse for the previous several weeks? Safe to say things are going smoothly in Evanston, Illinois.

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2. Bob Huggins

A DUI arrest in June finally led to Bob Huggins being ousted from his post atop West Virginia men’s basketball. The Mountaineers’ brass docked the 69-year-old Huggins’ pay, suspended him, and changed some terms of his contract for the anti-gay language, but didn’t completely remove him. And Huggins left at least partly on his own terms because of his most recent arrest.

The alleged incident occurred when Huggins’ car was in the middle of the road with a door open and a shredded tire. After asking Huggins to get his car off the road, his sobriety came into play. According to a police report, Huggins blew a 0.21 on a breathalyzer, more than twice Pennsylvania’s legal limit. Huggins stepped down from his post the day after his June 16 arrest, with several key players entering the transfer portal after his exit. Huggins’ daughter, Jacque, then claimed part of the police report was fabricated with beer cans all over the car because her dad loves to recycle. This wasn’t even Huggins’ first arrest for a DUI as a D-I head basketball coach, as it happened 18 years ago when he was at the helm of Cincinnati. In what city was the radio spot conducted when Huggins said homophobic language? Cincinnati.

This time around, the West Virginia basketball coach jumped on a radio show in May and called Xavier fans the F-word that went out of circulation once empathetic human beings dropped casual homophobia from their vocabulary. And Ol’ Bobby said it not once, but twice when talking about the “Catholic f — s” from Xavier, The back-and-forth featured a tasteless transgender joke from Bill Cunningham, and the hosts of the show, who tried to stifle laughter — either at Huggins’ comment or his lack of decorum — throughout the Huggy Bear story hour.

And if you’re wondering how quickly Huggins got fired for this, he didn’t. Instead, the 69-year-old walking scandal received a $1 million reduction in salary (he now makes $3.15 million as opposed to $4.15 million), and has to go to sensitivity training. Lord help the counselor trying to teach old bigots new societal norms.

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1. Aaron Rodgers

Not content to have spread misinformation about the COVID vaccine, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the therapeutic effects of the sounds of dolphin sex, and “the softening” of society, Rodgers, a man who took courses in “American Studies” at Cal Berkeley, where he did not graduate with a degree in anything relating to science or medicine (and in fact, did not graduate at all), liked a tweet on X in November extolling the evil effects of sunscreen.

The OG Idiot of the Month was spouting nonsense on The Pat McAfee Show before it was sponsored by ESPN, and his recent run of interviews is just as unhinged as pre-Achilles tear Rodgers. In October, almost on cue — as if prompted by an inner voice telling him to “Dance, monkey, dance!” — A-Rodg looks into the camera mischievously and calls Travis Kelce “Mr. Pfizer.”.

After going on a darkness retreat earlier this year, Aaron Rodgers emerged from his fortress of solitude hell-bent on making his way to New York, and becoming the NFL’s spokesman on psychedelic drugs. Rodgers got his wish and was shipped to New York. In June, he was a part of a panel at a conference in Denver on psychedelics. The conference was hosted by a psychedelic advocacy group, and Rodgers participated, giving his testimonial on how these drugs have impacted his life.

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Sent from my iPhone

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keyofw · 2 years

Text

Day 2 of NaNoWriMo and I’m 6500 words in. Now for an excerpt:

PRIDE

Just about the only people still working in this last week were the radio DJs. Even then most of them just played recorded clips on endless repeat. These days music stations were already nearly completely automated, so no change there except no ads and no intrusive announcements about the songs you just heard. Paul mindlessly flipped through radio channels. Someone might still be out there broadcasting news of some kind. It was a long shot but he wanted something new to listen to.

“...and this comes to us from a Mrs. Flynn from Tukwila. Dear Mr. Carson, she writes, can you please send this message out to my son? Your father and I are proud of you, David. We love you and miss you and are sorry we… we are sorry we cannot see you. You have always been our little boy and we’ve loved seeing what you have made of your life. We only hope that in these last moments you have found someone to share them with. Just know that we are sad to have to go, but we have… we have no regrets. We raised you right. We lived a good life, and we hope you did too. Love, your mother and father.”

The voice on the radio spoke slowly and calmly, stopping only a few times to regain composure. Someone was still in the booth at this station. Paul turned up the volume.“Just a reminder, this is Doc Carson. I’m the only one left in the booth, and I’ll be broadcasting all day until - until the final moments. For those of us with nowhere else to go, I’ll be your companion for the next sixteen hours or so. My e-mail address is still live and I will be reading your messages live on the air. Anything you want to say to anyone, I’m here for you.

“And now for a bit of news, what little there is left. From what we hear through the grapevine, there is still little to no traffic whatsoever. For the last week businesses have closed up shop and all other venues shut their doors. We’ve all stored up for ourselves what we need to make it through to the end. But if you have any last-minute emergencies, or you are still trying to see everyone on your visitation list before you go, the roads are open and free. All utilities workers have kept lines open and power on, but please don’t get careless. No one will be able to fix power lines. If you need food, water, clothing, or anything else, all shops in the greater Seattle metro area have been left unlocked and everything is for the taking. Looting is surprisingly nonexistent. People are taking only what they need for the last day. To be frank, even if the shops were locked, you could probably break a window and get in. Who’s going to come stop you anyway? But according to the messages I’m getting, it’s not happening. We’re seeing instead a mass movement of giving and charity. People are getting fed and clothed. The homeless population is taking up residence in Bed, Bath & Beyond. If you ask me, this is sort of how the world was supposed to work the whole time. Too bad we didn’t figure that out until the last few months. So, whoever is listening - whatever alien race picks up on these radio broadcasts, or whatever kind of god is out there - we’re sorry. We blew it.

“This next message, a bit of a long one, from a John Sykes in Magnolia: I was born in 1952 in Preston. When I was six, my father died of lung cancer. My mother had to take care of her five children all by herself. When I was eleven, I learned that the president had been shot. My oldest brother Tommy had been deployed to Vietnam. He never returned. In my first year of college, my mother took her own life. There has never been a time when death was not a basic fact of life. I knew that one day it would come for me, too. I got to live a pretty damn good and long time before the end. Not many make it to seventy-five, even without a goddamn meteor in the sky. Neither of my parents did. Tommy didn’t. The rest of my brothers and my sister all lived good, long lives, but they have since passed. I’m the last one left. It strikes me now how little difference there is between my own seventy-five years and my brother’s twenty-five. My children and my grandchildren may all feel cheated to know they’ll never get to see their golden years, as if life owed us a living.

“What are the golden years, anyway? Why do we work ourselves so hard, ignoring all the good things around us, hoping that someday we’ll be rewarded with riches when we’re too old and stupid to enjoy it? As far as I’m concerned, they’re all the golden years. Tommy was a bright and cheerful kid, despite everything in our family. He would draw little comic strips for me and my sister, superhero stories he’d make up. He also taught us dirty jokes that our parents didn’t approve of. When my father died Tommy was there to comfort us. We all thought of him as a hero when he went off to war. And when they brought his body back, we cried because we thought of it as such a huge waste. A whole life lost to a pointless war. But I refuse to see it as a waste, not Tommy, not my parents, not anyone, as if Tommy’s life only mattered if he got to get old and gray and lose his hair and teeth and forget his kids’ names or something. Maybe the things he did don’t matter to the world today. He mattered to me. Me, and no one else. That’s enough for me.

“The end is coming and it’s taught me that everyone has spent far too long trying to matter, trying to do something that will last for eternity. But if something is going to matter, it’s going to matter now. Tommy’s twenty-five years were some of the most precious years on this earth. We’re really nothing, all of us. If it wasn’t a comet or meteor or whatever, it would be something else - disease, murder, an act of God. One moment we’re up and talking and laughing and the next we’re gone, and the only thing that really matters is the things we do while we still have breath. Life isn’t a waste if you never achieved what you thought you were supposed to. Let it go. Just, let it all go. You don’t have a choice anyone. Anyway, that’s enough rambling from me. I should let you all know that I love you - each and every one of you. To my kids and grandkids, who wouldn’t know what a radio is if it hit them in the goddamn face - I cherish you and don’t regret a single day. I’m glad you existed, for whatever brief time that was. Maybe they’re right that the end is not the end, but even if the only thing waiting for us is a dirt nap, it will have been worth it. Goodbye to you all.

“Thank you, John. I love you, too. And now a message from someone just named Triss - a short one this time: to Mom, sorry about what I said. I love you. To Dad, thanks for everything. To the world, I love Vanessa. She means the world to me and made this whole life worth living.

“Once again, this is Doc Carson, from the Doc Carson show. From now until the end, I’ll be here, reading your messages to the world on KTST, and reminding you that you’re not alone even when - ”

Paul turned off the radio. He knew the messages should make him feel at peace but for some reason they just made him uneasy. It was silly to think it, but Paul had this gut feeling as if the messages were written specifically for him. Of course that wasn’t true, but he had a lot on his mind right now. Besides, he was almost there.

#nano #nanowrimo2022 #nanowrimo #writing #short stories #pride #apocalypse #posting my drafts

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floraltypes · 3 years

Note

lots of innocent and not so innocent touches

With Dwayne Pride if you wright for him if you don't just Gibbs please <3

who - leroy jethro gibbs x reader

an - i’m sorry! i haven’t seen ncis new orleans, so i probably couldn’t write dwayne very well … hope this is okay, for some reason i had trouble writing it :/

please continue to send in asks !!

unedited :/

Blankets surrounded your body, your leg ontop of another while light snores left your mouth. Hair was messed up and a hand was slowly moving to stroke your cheek. The curtains allowed peaks of the sunlight to peak through in your bedroom. A man lying beside you in his sweatpants and old tee.

The grey haired, older, man kept his eyes on your peacefully sleeping face, truly enjoying whatever dream you were imagining. He made no move to remove your leg from the top of his, but did make a move to place his fingers above your face, lightly pushing some stray baby hairs away.

A part of him silently cursed to himself, wishing that he had learned how to work his phone better, then being able to snap a photo of this calming moment for his own purposes.

Gibbs wouldn’t admit it to you, but these moments were more important to him than working on a boat, or the thrill after finally catching a bastard. There was something so domestic, so calming, with these times spent together. Time for him to think to himself, and also have the one he loves so much be so close.

Time to think about the past, and wonder how he got lucky enough for it to land here. Though, he may have lost a lot, and they would never be forgotten, he was grateful for another opportunity at pure happiness.

But his time to enjoy the peacefulness soon ended with a ring of a cellphone, causing you to stir a bit in your sleep. You eventually opened your eyes, staring up at the man who now had the hand that was formally on your face, resting on your chest.

“What’s that?” You questioned, trying to sit up and rub your eyes. “Can you get it?”

“It’s your cellphone,” He answered, missing the warmth of your leg, now having it be moved to lay on the mattress itself.

“Mmk,” You mumbled, reaching over to your side table and grabbing it. Flipping the screen up, you moved it to your ear. “L/n,” You tried to make your morning voice sound more as your own.

“If it isn’t little Y/n!” A cheerful voice spoke loudly on the other line. “Ya miss me?”

“No. What do you need?” You rolled your eyes, getting off of the bed, Gibbs eyes traveling your body as you walked to your dresser, picking out a outfit. “Mhm, okay,” You nodded to yourself. “I’ll be there, text me the address. Oh. Never mind then. Bye.”

Gibbs got out of the bed, going to stand beside you. He silently observed as you rolled your eyes once again, opening another drawer, he snaked his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest, a small kiss on the inside of your neck.

“Who’s that?”

“A old coworker.” You opened your underwear drawer, picking a pair for the day.

“Purple,” Gibbs commented, as you dropped the blue pair back into the others, reaching for the one he chose.

“Gosh, it’s like we really are married,” You laughed to yourself, looking back at his straight face. “Sorry, you would know too much about that. But that’s not my point, there is a dead marine there and that means we’ve got work.”

“You didn’t seem to happy to hear from him,” Gibbs unwrapped his arms as you moved to your closet, picking out a dress shirt.

“I wasn’t. He’s annoying and almost cost me my job at the time. But, it’s our job, we have to go, so grab your clothes in the bottom drawers,” You turned around and pointed at the dresser that held some of his items, now finding what you needed and beginning to change.

———————-

“If you are all interested to know… I spent the morning watching a old TV show airing about a classic comedic couple who travels the world with their adopted son,” Tony announced to no one in particular, sitting at his desk as the others sat at theirs.

Ziva had her arms crossed, leaning back in her chair a bit. McGee sat in his, rubbing his eyes and looking down at his phone.

“What did you do this morning, McGee?” Ziva looked over to McGee, watching as his eyebrows furrowed.

“Trying to work on my new writing.. but for my character, uh, Miranda, I need a good backstory for her, people are really grasping onto her character from the former story. I’ve read some things saying they think she’ll get with Gibbs, I mean Libbs!”

“Interesting,” Ziva tsked. “I read the story and your Miranda character, who is obviously Y/n, and I don’t see it.”

“You know nothing about romance, Ziva,” Tony waltzed over, his own coffee in hand and his face near hers. “I think no one expects you to think about who would get together. But, no, I don’t see Gibbs getting with someone like L/n who is very, you know-”

“I’m what, DiNozzo?” You walked in, moving straight to your desk as you placed your bag down.

“Amazing! I meant, you’re so great that someone like Gib-” Tony looked at Ziva’s eyes widen. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?”

“Someone like me, now what’s that, DiNozzo?” Gibbs questioned.

“Uh-” Gibbs smacked the back of DiNozzos head, moving over to his own desk.

“Dead sailor, body is already getting examined by Ducky and some visitors are coming to drop off some of the evidence.” Gibbs informed everyone.

“They think this sailor had something to do with a past robbery and murder, a cold case,” You clarified.

“L/n!” A guy smiled widely, another girl following in pursuit behind him as he walked to you with his arms wide open. “It’s been too long,” He quickly hugged you, tightening his grip around your shoulders and moving his hands to cup your face. “You still look as beautiful as ever!”

“Y/n, is that your boyfriend?” Ziva inquired.

“He looks a little out of her leagu-” You shot DiNozzo a look. “Or not?”

“Ah no,” The man laughed. “Old coworkers, that is Lila and I’m Carson, nice to meet you guys.”

“If your old coworkers, you must have a ton of embarrassing stories about Y/n!” DiNozzo beamed, moving closer to Carson.

“Uh, a few,” He responded. “We only worked together for a year or two, some, but not a ton.”

“Some will do.”

“DiNozzo, we aren’t here to make friends we are here to solve a murder,” Gibbs shot him a look and hit the back of his head.

“Right, sorry, boss.” DiNozzo put his head down like a sad puppy dog and made his way back to his desk. The two visitors looked at the scene that had just happened oddly.

“We brought all of our evidence, not much, but something,” Lila announced, placing the box on the table now and taking some of it out. “Should we get started?”

“I’ll show you to Abby, she is our forensic analysts and will probably want to take a look at this stuff for herself,” McGee told Lila, putting the evidence back in the box and letting her grab it, soon walking towards the elevator.

“You think I could check out the body?” Carson asked you. “It might be good to see what he looked like more and talk with your doctor.”

“That makes sense, I’ll show you to him,” You smiled at your old coworker and took another way to Ducky’s area.

The both of you chatted on the way down, catching up with how things differ since you worked there and a bit about your new workplace here.

“I really thought you would be Jeremy, the one who called me. I was a bit worried,” You laughed, walking into Autopsy with Carson as Ducky moved near you.

“Hello, dear, who’s this?” Ducky questioned, Jimmy moved near his boss.

“Hey, Ducky, this is Carson. Carson, this is Doctor Mallard. He is a old coworker of mine, Ducky,” You told the older man. “That’s Jimmy, he is Ducky’s assistant.”

Ducky began to explain how the man had died, pointing out various things on the body and even putting in a few past experiences of his own into the conversation.

Soon the four of you had heard the doors open, turning around to catch the view of your boyfriend entering into the room and moving to stand right in between you and Carson.

“I just want to hear some of the explanation myself, you can continue, Ducky,” Gibbs commented, all of your eyes turning back onto Ducky who was back to talking.

You felt a warm, larger hand travel to the middle of your back, a thumb softly pressing into the fabric that covered your skin. You turned your head slightly to make eye contact with Gibbs, but he just continued to stare forward ignoring it.

It was like a goosebump went up your spine, yet it wasn’t not encouraged. It was a bit of a energetic feeling, so you rejoiced in the innocent touch, a sign he was there.

Eventually, Ducky was done with his long explanation and you were back to heading upstairs with Carson and Gibbs to do more research regarding the deadman and cold case.

“So, Y/n, I was thinking we could go out to lunch or something soon to really catch up, outside of work,” Carson mentioned while you three were on the elevator ride up.

You were surprised at his somewhat boldness to announce this in front of your boss (and boyfriend), but he was always a very open person, kind and open.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” You replied.

“We are busy most afternoons.” Gibbs added. “So, if you plan it at some ridiculous time don’t expect my agent to be able to make it.”

The doors soon chimed open and Carson quickly left, making a bee line straight to Lila. Gibbs let you leave first, placing another palm against your back to secretly lead you back to where the desks were, even though you knew where you were going.

———————

The rest of the day was spent with much more working diligently. You all had made some progress but not enough, and you could tell it was really getting to Gibbs. He dismissed everyone and told them to come back in the early hours in the morning.

Gibbs had told you that he was going to stay and work on this some more, so you told him you would stay as well and order some food. Once Carson had heard that, he decided that he would do the same.

A hour later, three burgers arrive and you hand them out to the two other men, soon taking a bite into yours. A bit of the condiment had spewed onto the corners of your mouth, but your hunger caught up with you, continuing to avoid the feeling for a moment and just eat.

Carson caught the look of your messiness, breaking off into a small laugh, and you joining, him then making a joke about how this used to be a regular for you. Gibbs got up from his seat with a napkin and bent over a bit to wipe it away from your mouth.

It was certainly a small gesture, but had caught you and Carson off guard, the both of you quieting. You just stared back at him while he continued to eat with a pride grin on his lips, looking over the papers.

It seemed like a blessing from the sky when Gibbs had finally connected the pieces. Everyone was called back in to look over what he found and to excite a plan on how to continue. You all were able to get the murderer into custody and with old evidence and Ducky’s help you were able to identify he was the killer. With Abby’s help you were able to put him at the scene where your old coworkers cold case took place.

It was a relieving feeling that the case was solved and over. It was easy to tell that your current coworkers were also happy with the fact that your old ones were leaving for good. Having unfamiliar people in a familiar place is always a weird feeling for everyone.

You watched as everyone packed up their things to head home from the tiring few days of work. Standing up, you grabbed your bag and moved to Gibbs desk, chatting with him until Carson came over.

“It was nice working with you again,” He commented, you turned around to face him.

“It was. We make a good team.”

“We really do. I was wondering about that, uh, date?”

“Hm,” That had slipped your mind, and almost did once more when you felt a brush of a hand against your bottom, turning around to make eyes at your boyfriend. “Sorry, I actually have a boyfriend. But if you mean the lunch date to catch up, then I’d love to.”

“The second one,” He nodded, his cheeks brightening a bit at the dejection but also confirmation.

“Great,” You grinned, writing down your phone number and handing it to him. “Talk soon, bye.”

“Goodbye.”

You watched as Carson entered the elevator and soon disappeared, the office area looking very empty with the lights darkened a bit and only you and Gibbs being in the area.

“Glad he’s gone,” Gibbs laughed.

“I figured,” You laughed alongside with him. “I could tell by your touchiness at work, are you trying to let everyone know?”

“If I was, I would do something bolder. Didn’t Ducky ever tell you I used to be like DiNozzo?”

“Yeah, that would be a interesting time to see.”

“I think if I was that same man, we might’ve had sex right o-”

“Let’s get home, now,” You both soon left the workplace, hand in hand, laughing along at stories of the younger Gibbs and his flirty persona.

#gibbs x reader #leroy jethro gibbs #leroy x reader #leroy jethro gibbs x reader #ncis fanfiction #ncis fic #ncis x reader #ncis #ncis reader insert #gibbs x y/n #gibbs x you #gibbs #anthony dinozzo #ducky mallard #abby sciuto #timothy mcgee #ziva david #jimmy palmer

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 2 years

Text

reading update

hey gamers, happy Pride Month Eve. I don't have any more time to make small talk, I've read so many fucking books since the last time we did this and I need to get started immediately.

what the fuck have I been reading?

The Memory Librarian: And Other Stories of Dirty Computer (Janelle Monáe, 2022) - I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am... obsessed with Janelle Monáe. Dirty Computer, the album, changed me as a person. I have a bisexual pride flag hanging in my room that I can never wash because she touched it one time. my living room contains more than one decorative cushion with their face on it. a couple of years ago I almost willingly went broke to bid on a pair of the vulva pants from the Pynk music video when Mx. Monáe raffled them off. I love Janelle Monáe in a way that I rarely let myself love artists, and going into this book I really only had one fear: what if Janelle Monáe's book is bad? well, fear not: the book is pretty good, probably because Janelle Monáe was smart enough to hire actual experienced science fiction writers to collaborate and help her build out her world from song and screen to literature. the result is stories that are still sitting heavy in my mind even though it's been approximately a very busy calendar month since I read them, with new meanings crystalizing and arriving all the time. I will freely admit that the collection feel a little uneven in places, but then I'll immediately follow that up by talking about how hard it rips that there's a story about [spoilers] an idyllic little queer refuge from the evil authoritarian government being betrayed by a cis woman because she doesn't trust the AFAB nonbinary member of the crew, and decided that selling out the whole commune to a violent attack would somehow make all the "real" women safer than just letting someone use they/them pronouns in peace. Janelle had some things to say, y'all.

Short Talks (Anne Carson, 1992) - this is going to seem so short after all the rambling I just did for Janelle Monáe but it feels right. literally all I have to say is that I wish all poetry read like this. devoured in one sitting, delighted in every single page of it. Anne Carson, you deserve the hype.

Complaint! (Sara Ahmed, 2021) - I was lucky enough to get to watch Ahmed give a virtual lecture about this book before reading it, and as always her principled feminist rage was a delight to behold. Complaint! details research conducted by Ahmed after leaving her university position due to mishandling of student complaints, talking to other people about their experiences making institutional complaints - about professors, about bosses, about students, about policies that furthered deeply entrenched biases and hierarchies. her results were often disheartening, but Ahmed never gives in to despair. her work affirms injustice's existence but also the validity of raging against it; as someone working in a university setting and frequently unhappy with it, I felt more reinvigorated reading Complaint! than I have in a long time.

Before the Coffee Gets Cold (Toshikazu Kawaguchi, trans. by Geoffrey Trousselot, 2020) - I was really looking forward to this book, which sounded like exactly the sort of cozy, low-stakes fantasy slice of life shit I love. there's a café in Japan where people can have conversations with people from their pasts, but they only have as long is takes for their coffee to cool down - isn't that fun? I was prepared to really love it, and also cry a lot. in the end, I didn't love Before the Coffee Gets Cold as much as I hoped I would - maybe because it was adapted into a novel from a play, and the transition doesn't feel especially smooth? as I've already said on this blog, I would really like an opportunity to see this performed as a stage show if anyone ever does it in English - especially the ghost woman who lives in the café, I want to see that.

Rethinking Sex: A Provocation (Christine Emba, 2022) - oh man you guys, this one was a DOOZY. a friend alerted me to this book's existence months before it was published, and the premise sounded intriguing enough: Emba posits that the simple model of "yes means yes, no means no" isn't a sufficient sexual ethic, and fails to provide a reliable framework for treating sexual partners respectfully beyond obtaining basic consent - and she's right about that! I do agree with Emba on that particular statement; I think current understandings of consent are a very rudimentary baseline and frequently fail to account for the many nuances of human interactions. that is pretty much where Emba and I stop agreeing on almost anything. this book takes some stunningly regressive stances on sexuality in the name of equity, gang. Emba insists that some sexual desires are inherently worse than others, although she conspicuously fails to elucidate on what these might be while suggesting that porn is to blame for normalizing such "risky" kinks as anal sex and polyamory, which hilariously (and sadly) seems to suggest that she isn't clear on the difference between polaymory and group sex. she states in her intro that the book is absolutely meant to be inclusive of gay and trans readers, then goes on to spend a chapter talking about how silly it is to pretend men and women are the same when their innate biological frailty and predisposition to pregnancy makes women inherently more imperiled by sex. she insists that it's unlikely anyone actually enjoys "casual sex," providing choice quotes from interviews that support this stance, and upon encountering a woman who maintains that she did enjoy a shallow sexual relationship pivots to question why a person would even want such a thing in the first place. this book is a hot ass mess, y'all, and while I did take a certain perverse pleasure in sending the yikes-iest segments to a friend to scream in mutual horror, I cannot say I'd actually recommend it.

The Halloween Moon (Joseph Fink, 2021) - hey, one of the Welcome to Night Vale guys wrote a middle readers book and it's really cute. The Halloween Moon has the same unhinged energy as Disney Channel Halloween movies from the nineties and early 2000s - you know, the ones where everything going on was really silly but also holy shit someone might kill that 11 year old for realsies? think Hocus Pocus, that's the right vibe. yeah that was my SHIT as a kid, and remains my shit as a weird adult. if you know a weird kid, I'd strongly recommend passing this along to them.

Batman: The Long Halloween (Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale, 1996) - I didn't mean to read two back-to-back Halloween-ish books in May, it just happened. life is weird that way. anyway yes I DID read this because it was specifically cited as a heavy inspiration for The Batman (2022), no I regret nothing. I've been avoiding Big Two comics for years, but like... fuck. I missed this. this is so fun and dumb. every other page is Batman emotionally taking a deep drag on a cigarette and monologuing about how rancid Gotham City is followed by someone getting murdered on Saint Patrick's Day and having a leprechaun statuette left on their corpse. it's ridiculous it's noir out the ass I loved every second of it. it's perfectly self-contained and I cannot recommend it enough if you don't mind grisly murder. consider yourselves warned that I'm getting back into comics in a big way.

Hench (Natalie Zina Walschots, 2020) - you guys might recall Hench as the winner of my second-ever reading poll, beating out three other books on my TBR. and you know what? you guys were fucking right. Hench is the story of Anna, a temp who does data entry for supervillains - it's a living, you know? until she gets horrifically injured in a fight between her latest boss and a guy who's, uuuh, he's definitely not Superman. don't worry about it. Anna develops a metric to calculate how much property damage and loss of human life superheroes are actually causing - and a huge, HUGE grudge. she finds a new, cooler evil boss and gets to work ruining superheroes' lives, and oh MAN is she good at her job. I don't often pine for sequels, but if one happened to come along for this book I would NOT be disappointed. frankly Anna's boss Leviathan is the monster boyfriend that dreams are made of and I think she deserves a second book purely to try to kiss him on the mandibles. let a bitch live vicariously.

Time Is a Mother (Ocean Vuong, 2022) - one thing about Ocean Vuong is that he's going to reliably fuck me right the fuck up, emotionally, and there was approximately a 0% chance that a poetry collection meditating on the death of his mother wasn't going to be ruinous. what can I say, I was raised by a single mother who currently lives very far away and has complicated health problems that seem to get worse with each passing year! some things are going to set me off! I returned this book to the library before writing down the names of specific poems that got to me, like an idiot, but there's one that's very simple in its devastation: a collection of things Vuong's mother ordered from Amazon, detailed month by month, showing a woman's attempts to continue living a normal life even as her health worsens to the point of preparing for her own funeral. I love a poem that's just a list of shit given meaning, and it took me right out.

Nightmare Alley (William Lindsay Gresham, 1946) - "oh like the Guillermo Del Toro movie" yeah exactly like the Guillermo Del Toro movie, this is the book it was based on. this probably won't shock you if you've seen the movie, but oh my god this is fucked. like, significantly more than the movie, Mr. Del Toro was really sparing our delicate feelings with his adaptation. if you watched Nightmare Alley and said "I just don't think Stan was enough of a fucking freak bastard," oh boy do I have good news for you. also if you watched Nightmare Alley and thought "this is interesting but I wish we devoted a lot more time to Stan developing his career as a phony spiritualist and we got to see him spend several years running a full fucking church while claiming to commune with the dead" hey, we've got that too! Stan spends most of this book running around doing terrible things while Yakkety Sax plays behind him, all the while running an internal monologue about power and manipulation that's truly vile. if you like a book about a wretched guy having just a terrible time (one of my favorite genres, btw) you're gonna love this.

Yoke: My Yoga of Self-Acceptance (Jessamyn Stanley, 2021) - I'll freely admit that I was very hesitant going into this one. Jessamyn Stanley is a very cool yoga instructor who I first learned about in a way that was pretty much "check out this fat Black queer yoga icon!," and I've sort of passively admired her ever since. I was worried that reading her personal essays would be a bit of a case of "don't meet your heroes" - what if she has some stupid ass phony influencer opinions that leaves a sour taste in my mouth about her whole deal? SHOULD NOT HAVE WORRIED. first off, this bitch is a good personal essay writer and funny as hell. secondly, she devotes a good chunk of time to dissecting the burden of being The fat Black yoga icon, the difficulty in unlearning to urge to seek approval from white audiences, and how the necessity of viewership inherently taints and complicated her relationship too her craft. she also has some very real and gorgeous thoughts about the American yoga industry's problem with cultural appropriation, and where she fits into that as a Black instructor teaching a Indian practice. she's inspired me to take another crack at meditation (not easy!!) and has some thoughts on posture and breathing that have really shaken up my whole relationship with yoga for the better.

Cultish: The Language of Fanatacism (Amanda Montell, 2021) - definitely one of my favorite nonfic books I've read this year that isn't an essay collection/memoir. Montell (the daughter of a man raised in the Synanon cult, it bears mentioning) takes an engaging look at the way cults use appealing, exclusive language to bind people and ensnare them, making it difficult to leave. the approach to cults is sharply critical, but Montell looks at cult members with an empathetic eye, reminding readers many times that there's nothing to back up the idea that those who fall into cults are less intelligent or more ignorant than the general population. instead, she examines the ways in which charismatic leaders cleverly use words to present an image of something desirable - and then make it difficult to back out. to me the most interesting part of the book is way Montell draws comparisons between real, well-known cults to groups such as CrossFit, multilevel marketing schemes, and the followers of "wellness" influencers on Instagram. Montell makes clear that she's not accusing, say, Tupperware salespeople of being exactly as harmful as Jim Jones, but that she thinks there are similarities worth examining - and she's right! a smart, easy read; strongly recommend for anyone seeking something curious and fun.

Little Rabbit (Alyssa Songsiridej, 2022) - a book about a relationship, which Sonsiridej herself calls a coming of age story and one of my favorite writers Carmen Maria Machado calls a "horny love letter to bottoming." it is indeed both of those things, and it's very good at both of them! the novel follows a 30 year old writer in her pursuit of a 51 year old choreographer, and the struggle to make sense of their power dynamics once she gets him. what does it mean that he's so much older? that he's divorced from a rich wife and has resources she can't imagine? should she be flattered or affronted that he wants to help her advance her career? does dating an older cishet man mean she's turning her back on her queerness, as her roommate keeps insinuating? what does it mean that he feels uneducated compared to her and her literary friends? and what is our protagonist supposed to do about the fact that she's just discovered she's one hell of a sub? isn't it problematic to want an older man to hurt her? maybe so, but she's enjoying the hell out of it. this is a coming of age story like I've never seen before, but I hope to find a lot more like it because it was simply exquisite.

Portrait of a Thief (Grace D. Li, 2022) - the premise is simple: five Chinese-American college students get hired to heist stolen art out of five Western museums and return it to China. the reward? 10 million dollars each. the stakes? oh my god, astronomical. all of their lives could be absolutely ruined - and it's not a spoiler to say that absolutely nothing goes how they expect it to. a fun and fast-paced book, one that I would definitely recommend for, say, a day of reading on the beach or on an airplane.

#bookblr #reading updates

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fielran · 3 years

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A (not so) Brief Guide to Titles and Prefixes on Downton Abbey

Married vs Unmarried Women

All downstairs characters should be either Miss or Mrs. The prefix Ms. did not come into common use until the late 1960s and so is anachronistic -- it is not a shortened version of Miss, but rather a marital-status neutral alternative to the other prefixes in use.

"Miss" denotes an unmarried character, regardless of age.

"Mrs" or "Misses" denotes a married or widowed character, or rarely, an upper female servant. Remember the exchange from S1--

Joe Burns: I notice you call yourself Misses.

Mrs Hughes: Housekeepers and cooks are always Misses. You know better than anyone I haven't changed my name.

Joe Burns: Well, I know you wouldn't change it to Burns when you had the chance.

Miss or Mrs are also used for any middle or upper class characters who do not have titles, including courtesy titles.

Use of Prefixes for Servants

The lower servants, including maids and footmen, are referred to by first name only, both by upstairs and downstairs characters.

Lady's maids, valets, and male upper servants are referred to by prefix and last name by downstairs characters, but by only last name by upstairs characters. For example, Mrs. Hughes says "Miss O'Brien" but Cora and Robert say only "O'Brien". Female upper servants get the prefix from everyone, even Lord Grantham:

Mrs Patmore: I promise you, milord, if I could just be allowed a bit more time--

Robert, Earl of Grantham: Mrs Patmore, I've not asked you here to give you your notice.

For example, Thomas Barrow starts as a footman, and everyone calls him Thomas. During the war, he is Corporal or Sergeant Barrow, then he is called Thomas again after, as a footman. When he becomes Robert's valet, he is Mr Barrow downstairs, or Barrow upstairs, and remains that way throughout his remaining promotions. He is also called Mr Barrow by the children. It may be this is a peculiarity, or the children may be expected to refer to unrelated adults using their title.

Anna is a bit of a strange case - she properly ought to be Mrs. Bates downstairs and Bates upstairs after she becomes a lady's maid, but perhaps to avoid confusion with her husband who is also Bates upstairs, the change never happens.

Phyllis Baxter is Baxter upstairs, Miss Baxter downstairs. If Mrs Hughes retires and Phyllis takes her place, she would be Mrs. Baxter. If she actually gets around to marrying Molesley at some point, with no promotion, she would be Mrs Molesley downstairs, Molesley upstairs.

Tom Branson as chauffeur is called Branson by both upstairs and downstairs characters - at least those who are not in a relationship with him. After his marriage to Lady Sybil, he is called Mr Branson by those outside the family.

Daisy is called by only her first name as a scullery and kitchen maid. There are no other undercooks to compare, so I am unsure whether she ought to be Mrs Mason. If Mrs Patmore retires and she becomes the cook, she should become Mrs Mason (or Mrs Parker, if she actually gets around to marrying Andy by then).

Titles for Nobility

There are 2 main types of titles used by the 'nobility': Substantive titles, and courtesy titles.

Substantive titles are for those who hold titles in their own right. This includes hereditary peers, like Lord Grantham, as well as life peers. The title holders have seats in the House of Lords.

Courtesy titles are for those connected to title holders - wives and widows, children, and other male-line heirs. Wives and widows hold legal, though not substantive, titles. Children of title holders are considered socially as nobility; however, legally speaking they are commoners and can be elected to the house of commons.

Lord Grantham is the only member of the Crawley family with a substantive title during the time of the series. All the others use courtesy titles. As the wife and widow of title holders, Cora and Violet are Lady [title], in this case Lady Grantham.

Legitimate daughters of a hereditary Marquess, Duke, or Earl or his direct male-line heirs are Lady [first name]: Lady Sybil, etc. They retain this styling if they marry someone without a title. In Pride and Prejudice, Darcy's aunt Lady Catherine, daughter of an Earl, had been married to Sir Lewis de Bourgh, who held only a knighthood and no title, so she remained Lady Catherine. Violet Crawley married Robert's father, the Earl of Grantham, and so her married title of Lady Grantham took precedence over any title she used previously, even if her father had higher precedence.

This courtesy title does not carry on to their children. Sybbie Branson cannot claim her mother's courtesy title, and her father Tom Branson has no title of his own, so she will be Miss, not Lady. Under formal etiquette, she and any future siblings would be styled like the Bennets - Miss Branson for an adult Sybil, as the eldest unmarried daughter, Miss [first name] for any additional unmarried daughters. However, they would not necessarily follow such protocol unless they are active socially in the upper class - if Mr Branson marries Lucy and she inherits, for example. The middle and lower class, especially more radical members thereof, did not hold closely to this tradition by the time Sybbie would be an adult.

The eldest son and heir of the hereditary holder of a title in the top 3 ranks - duke, marquess, or earl - can use one of the title holder's subsidiary titles as a courtesy title. We don't know if Grantham has a subsidiary title, because nobody alive during the show is entitled to use it. If there is one, Robert would have used it prior to his father's death; however, James was not Robert's son and therefore could not use the title, nor could Patrick or Matthew. George, although he is Robert's grandson and heir, cannot use the title because he is inheriting through Matthew rather than Robert.

The younger sons of Dukes and Marquesses are given the courtesy title Lord [first name]. The younger sons of Earls without subsidiary titles, as well as all sons of other nobles, are styled The Honourable [first name] [last name], as: "The Honourable Evelyn Napier, son and heir to Viscount Branksome." Tim Grey is also "The Honourable", although he will not inherit if Larry has any legitimate sons.

Adopted children were not entitled to a courtesy title at the time Downton Abbey takes place, so there will be no title for Marigold even if Bertie adopts her or Edith acknowledges her.

Young Children

Young children of higher standing than the speaker should be referred to as Master or Miss, regardless of actual titles. So in Downton's nursery we have Master George, Miss Sybbie, Miss Caroline, and Johnny.

So What Does That All Mean for Whoever I'm Writing About?

Robert would have been Master Robert as a child, Viscount Something - the wiki says Viscount Downton - as a young man, prior to his father's death, and of course is Lord Grantham in the time of the show. Had he had a son while his father was still living, that son may have used another subsidiary title, if one exists, or have been styled "The Honourable". Any brothers Robert had would also be styled "The Honourable".

Cora would have been Miss Levinson prior to her marriage, Viscountess Something after, then finally Duchess of Grantham. She may one day become the Dowager Duchess of Grantham.

Mary would remain Lady Mary after both marriages, as neither Matthew or Henry has a title. However, had Matthew lived to become Earl of Grantham, she would have become Countess of Grantham at that time. Carson may have called her Miss Mary as a child.

Sybil Crawley would remain Lady Sybil, though she would use Branson's last name.

Edith would change from Lady Edith to the Marchioness of Hexam on her marriage. Her illegitimate daughter Marigold would have no title, even if adopted by Lord Hexam. Her firstborn son would use a subsidiary title, and younger sons would be called Lord [first name]. The firstborn son of her firstborn son would also likely have a subsidiary title. Additional daughters would be Lady [first name].

Bertie went from an untitled Mr Pelham to the Marquess of Hexam. His mother did not gain a title and is called Mrs Pelham.

Sybbie Branson is Miss Sybbie now, and will be Miss Branson. She will not have a title unless she marries into one.

George Crawley is Master George now, and will be Mr Crawley until he inherits the title Earl of Grantham. He is not Viscount Downton.

Marigold is Miss Marigold, and will be Miss whatever-last-name-they-decide-to-use. I don't know what that is, and there isn't one listed on the wiki. Miss Pelham if Bertie adopts her.

Caroline is Miss Caroline, and will be Miss Talbot.

Evelyn Napier is The Horourable Evelyn Napier. He is addressed directly as Mr Napier. After his father's death, he will be Viscount Branksome.

Anthony Foyle is Viscount Gillingham. Prior to his father's death, he was an Honourable.

Larry and Amelia Grey are styled The Honorable Mr and Mrs Larry Grey. They will be Baron and Baroness Merton on his father's death.

Let me know if there are any other characters you aren’t sure of, and I’ll try to add them.

#Downton Abbey #meta #writing resources

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everlesslahote1 · 4 years

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‘So Your like Harry Potter?’ (Paul Lahote) -Request

Hello! Can I make a request? Something like Paul's imprinting is a witch and never told him because she was afraid the pack would hate her like they hate vampires? Happy new year and feel free to not write this one If you don't feel comfortable! Thank you ^^

-I’ll try, Thank you❤.

I hope you like it.

Paul Lahote x Fem!Reader

(warning: none)

Y/E/C = Your eye color

Enjoy!

“We could watch some movies” Y/N called out as she hung upside down in Emily’s living room while the rest of the pack were either on the floor or in chairs.

It was a Sunday and everything was clear in the woods, not a leech other than the normal one’s so Sam gave the pack a off day from patrol.

With only one problem... they were bored.

Jacob was with Nessi while Sam and Emily went to visit some of Emily’s family across town.

“Nah” she heard most of them mumble from their places around the room.

“I’m tired of movies” Jared said as he laid his head on Embry’s shoulder making him push it off while everyone agreed with him.

Y/N flipped the right way up now running out of ideas and looked at her boyfriend who was at the other end of the couch dosing off.

“Paul...” she whined and put her head back.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes to look at her beady y/e/c one’s, he smiled a little seeing the fake stress she was under before leaning on his hand.

He only smiled because this is the longest he ever saw his small rambunctious imprint sit still, ever.

No matter if it was her climbing the stair rail...she was ANYWAYS moving.

Its like she had around the clock jitters.

Of course Paul quickly adapted to his lovers personality because if he was being honest, it only made the love he had for her stronger.

Though he couldn’t argue with the fact that she tired the 6′8 foot wolf out on most times.

She wasn’t like Emily or Kim, she was the smallest other then Claire and she always wanted to fight with the boys.

Y/N was known for getting a good laugh out of annoying the pack and they couldn’t do anything about it for two simple reasons.

One, because of the rule “no wolf may harm the imprintee of a fellow pack member” stand’s tall and Two, Paul would kill them dead if they so much as leave a scratch on Y/N.

Seeing she wasn’t getting anywhere with her imprinter she groaned loudly which caught Quil by surprise making him fall out the chair he was in.

Everyone looked up with wide eyes as Quil slowly got up rubbing his hind quarters and glaring at the small girl.

“Jeez Y/N, I think you broke Quil” Jared said chuckling making Quil throw the closest pillow he could grab at him.

Y/N rolled her eyes and stood up making her way to the back yard.

“Where smalls going?” she heard one of them ask on her way out.

Y/N plopped down in grass and stared at the sky trying to think of anything to do a this point.

She sat up and looked behind her to see if any of the boys were on their way out but saw the coast was clear.

She took a deep breath before remembering the words to one of the first spells her late mother taught her when she was a child.

“crescere” She said making a rose start to grow out of the spot of ground she was next to.

Y/N mother was a coven leader to witches in the south, she was kind, fair, loving, everything a leader was but she was a mother first.

When Y/N mother was pregnant with her she fought hard to keep peace with the wolves and vampires in the area they lived in.

Peace was a common factor between the three supernatural species.

When Y/N was six years old that all soon changed when the vampires wanted all of the land and the witches and wolves refused to give up what was theirs.

Not much longer the red eyed monster’s forced a attacked on the wolves when they least expected it.

Killing them all in a blink of an eye.

Y/N’s mother knew her coven was next on the leeches list but refused to bow, Y/N would say that her mother’s pride costed her a lot but if it didn’t she wouldn’t have everything with Paul.

As the vampires moved in on the witches, killing every witch they could get their hands on but not before Y/N’s mother put a cloaking on her so she could make her escape.

Six year old Y/N ran fast and hard from her home land as she heard her mother’s screams for mercy.

She soon found her self in Minnesota where she was raised in a foster home, it was there when she stopped using her magic.

When Y/N was 17 she ran away from her abusive foster home and made a 23 year old friend by the name, Avery Carson who was on vacation to the small city.

Avery soon had to go back to La Push with her family and didn’t want leave Y/N behind, the 17 year old cried and begged the girl to take her with her and even explained why she couldn’t stay.

Y/N knew that if she didn’t leave then and there she would be found and forced back into her foster home only to be beaten and spat at again.

She didn’t want to go back to that horrible place, ever.

Avery gave in and flew back to La Push with the soon to be legal girl on her side, she even took it as far to put her in school on the rez.

It was then she met and was imprinted on by the well known hot headed wolf, Paul Lahote.

People told the girl Paul was no good for her pure soul and let to her ‘simple crush’ go, not knowing that she found her soulmate.

Y/N thought Paul was over looking her but in all honesty the large boy was just scared to approach the small figured girl.

She would sit in the room that Avery gave her so she would have a place to stay just thinking about the tan boy.

How at lunch he would stare then after she would look back or try to hold eye contact he would quickly look back to his friends and act like he wasn’t paying attention.

After awhile the pack took notice to the odd silence their friend was giving then soon grew tired of Paul always thinking about the new girl on patrols but not acting on it.

So his bestfriend Jared and pack brother Quil gave him the push he needed to at least hold a conversation with Y/N, literally.

As Y/N was walking past the group of boys Jared and Quil pushed Paul into her, just as she was about to fall back on her butt Paul grabbed a hold of her belt loops pulling his warm body to hers.

It was then they became friends and later became something more.

Eight months into knowing Paul and his group of friends that everyone thought was a ‘gang’, he told her what he really was and what made him go into shock the young girl simply replied with....

‘I kinda figured’

Now a year later she was like the littlest wolf and a little sister to the pack but she never told anyone of her powers.

Not even Emily, Kim Or Avery.

She repeated her act of making the roses grow out the ground before she heard Embry’s voice speak.

“OH MY GOD!” he shouted as he ran back in the house yelling for Paul.

Y/n shot up off her spot in the grass and tried to catch the boy but it was no uses, his wolf speed was much greater then her little legs.

He was already in front of a slightly panicked Paul trying to explain what he saw his pack sister do with her bear hands.

“S-she just said it a-and i-it came up and- SHE’S A DAMN WITCH!” he said stumbling over his words.

“Okay Embry do it with me, deep breath in” Quil said taking a deep breath which Embry followed and then they both let it out.

“now what the hell happened-”

“she-”

“SLOWLY!” everyone shouted at him.

Y/N just laid her forehead on the door frame as she listened to one of her bestfriends freak out bout what she did.

“-and I ran in here” Embry said finishing and turn his head to Y/n who smiled nervously and waved at the boys.

Paul looked at Y/N as she started to turn red in the face, she knew not to lie about anything because she couldn’t keep up with lies and soon get caught in them.

Plus she knew Paul would know when she’s lying because he knew HER like the back of his hand.

“come” Paul said to his imprint.

Paul wasn’t mad or anything he is however disappointed his little ball of energy didn’t tell him about her powers sooner.

Y/N slowly made her way over to Paul so tear brimmed her eye’s, she was scared.

Scared of what her only reason of living would say, she couldn’t live without him or bare the thought of him hating her because she wasn’t fully human.

“Look at me mama” Paul said as he saw a tear slip from her eye.

She tilted her head back to look at the tall boy in front of her and she saw no change in the way he looked at her.

Y/N thought he would look at her in pure disgust or anything of that nature but he didn’t, he still looked at the small girl with love in his eye’s.

“This true?”

“yes... b-but I didn’t want you guys to h-hate me l-like the leeches so I hid it and now-”

“woah woah woah” Quil said waving his hands to slow his little friend and reminding her to breathe.

“that’s what your scared of? that we’ll hate you because your not human?” Jared asked.

She nodded trying to stop the tears from coming but they wouldn’t stop.

“we don’t hate you smalls ,we never would” Embry said said with a little small to calm the girl.

“We love you” Paul said making her put her head down.

He grabbed her chin gently making her look back up at him and planted a small kiss on her lips.

“I love you Y/n” he said.

The young girl looked from her lover to her friends and took a deep breath as she wiped her face.

“okay just so we’re clear you do magic.... So your like Harry Potter?” Jared said making the group laugh.

“umm, I- well, not quite buddy” she smiled and wiped her wet face.

“Group hug!” Embry and Quil yelled as everybody closed in on her and Paul.

They all hugged for a minute before pulling away.

Bonus

“can we see a little something?” Embry asked plopping down on the couch as Paul wrapped his arms around Y/N.

Y/N smirked and with a wave of her hand a pillow hit Jared dead in the face making him look at her and a hurt look.

“Hey!-”

She chucked another pillow at his face before he could say anything else and leaned on Paul as she laughed.

“that’s my girl” Paul said, smiling in her ear making chills go up her spine.

Jared got up and pretended to storm towards Y/N making her squeal and hide behind her lover.

“That’s not fair, you can’t hide behind Paul!” Jared said laughing.

“who says” Paul said.

“we do!”

“who is we, I don’t speak French” Embry said.

“Paul would let Y/N get away with murder because she’s small” Quil said shaking his head as everyone laughed.

Paul just smiled and sat down, pulling Y/n into his lap and kissing her lips sweetly.

“I Love you little witch” He smiled.

“I Love you Wolfie” she giggled.

“OH MY GOD!”

“ugh, gross”

“yeah just do the do with clothes on will ya”

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