#but. I've been having more and more of those Thoughts™ recently

[theladygazingatemptiness]

q.... how does one go about informing/reaching out to people about having suicidal thoughts

[babacontainsmultitudes]

🤔 Admittedly I was a little disappointed by the reveal (but certainly not surprised the foreshadowing was heavy in this episode lol), but not actually against how Beth (and Will) seem to be playing with it thus far- which is to say that I do think it has a lot of potential, and I suspect there's more to what we're seeing).

;) Big ol' ramble below

Mostly the theory has turned me off until now (at least insofar as I've witnessed it transpire in the fandom at large) because it struck me as so painfully ironic to see Trudy, a 1950s housewife, struggle to exist under the system that she's in, fail to fit the mold assigned to her, and be denied her personhood very literally for it (this being ironic insofar as how it mimics how she would have been treated back then). This and because frankly I just think she's a lot less interesting if she's fully a robot LOL, but I'll hopefully get to that in a bit.

Not that the hints at her mechanical nature and the relevance of Tucker's background were lost on me; I can appreciate why those would contribute to a plausible, fun and I think still mostly harmless theory (now fact). However, minus one or two specific posts I've seen on the matter (namely a recent one suggesting that if Trudy is a robot Beth is probably taking inspiration from The Stepford Wives, :( sorry person who made that post I couldn't find it I wanted to credit yoouuu), I've seen the theory just about exclusively presented in a manner that, rather than explore the metaphorical and political significance of Trudy being partially or fully mechanical, at best disregards the parts of her narrative that are at their core about sexism (among other related things), and at worst negates them entirely (i.e. Trudy only thinking and acting how she does because she's a robot malfunctioning and not because the world itself is causing harm and she rightfully wants something more than the role she was forced into, Trudy not even having any real thoughts and feelings of her own, etc.). I just think it kind of sucks to shove all those important things about her aside and say "actually, there's no person suffering here, she's just a robot" and perhaps worse yet to imply that she does have thoughts and feelings but because they result in Weird™ behavior it must be a problem with her code and not at all relate to what women were subjugated to during this point in American history.

CONVERSELY I don't think Trudy being a robot (or at least partially one) at least from what Beth and Will have presented us thus far, inherently suffers from any of these issues? First and foremost because Trudy definitely appears to possess sentience, thoughts, and emotions of her own, matters which immediately complicate her degree of personhood and don't inherently box her behavior in as a bug in her programming rather than an issue with the world she's been put in, quite the opposite in fact! I think they have a very solid groundwork laid out here to make a strong statement with Trudy's narrative (and perhaps ask the question of what is really malfunctioning here), all the more so since [I pull out a Rebecca Swallows-style conspiracy board] I don't think she's entirely robotic in nature? Actually you should just read Mack's tags in this post cause he has great thoughts on the matter (of which those are just some of them), but if I can direct your attention to one thing in particular, it would be Beth's fact (I *believe* from episode 2) about Trudy never graduating high school because of her essay where she suggested that "perhaps women could one day domesticate themselves", a statement that could of course be interpreted a number of ways but ultimately threatened the patriarchal status quo enough (in suggesting women's independence) to cost Trudy her diploma. Taken on its own this fact appears to contradict the theory that Trudy has always been robotic in nature, because it doesn't really make sense that Trudy would have been set up to go through high school (or school at all really) when Tucker's intention was/is for her to be the perfect housewife. You may then suggest that Trudy's memories of this are fabricated and not actually her lived experiences, in which case firstly perhaps you should reread my earlier point on the robot theory being used to actively negate and otherwise disregard the portions of Trudy's narrative that pertain to sexism and feminism, and secondly it really doesn't make any sense to me that Tucker would implant those kind of memories into Trudy's brain? To be completely honest if she's been a robot from the very beginning (rather than someone who became a cyborg, which is what I'm trying to suggest here), then I don't see why Tucker would program her with actual sentience in the first place (suspending my disbelief here with regards to the possibility of programming sentience to begin with). It seems much more likely to me then that Trudy was not always a robot, and instead altered by Tucker to force her into a role of subordination and remedy her """imperfections""". This option is significantly more interesting to me one, because it implies that Trudy has actually lived a life up until the present, full of its own complexities and strife (and dreams, and real actual memories worth exploring, etc.), and hence is not by any means "just a robot", and second because it amplifies the hypothetical statement being made on the lives of the real living women of the era and how they were treated and seen as being "in need of fixing" for not conforming to gender roles or otherwise acting "out of line" with what was expected of them.

OKAY THIS GOT OUT OF HAND SO I'M CUTTING MYSELF OFF HERE but I wanted to my share my current thoughts what with this ending and where I'm at so hopefully that was at least interesting to whoever has chosen to read through this one okay thank you byyyyyyyyye~

[bibliophilea]

So... this isn't the first time I've seen people being incredibly mean to a whole section of the phandom. It's the first time in a while I've seen a post this bad in the main "danny phantom" tag, though. I have Thoughts™ that have been stewing for a while. Thoughts™ that shouldn't be put in the tags of someone else's post.

I'm not going to link anything. These are just my thoughts, raised to the forefront by recent posts in the main tag.

TLDR: I have two main Thoughts™:

No matter what you ship, I welcome you to this phandom. The folks who openly despise real people for shipping fictional things do not represent all of phandom. Y'all deserve better than being called shitty names. Your ships do not make you a bad person, and I personally welcome you.

To y'all who keep trying to draw a line in the sand to define who is "degenerate" or whose work is "degenerate": the moment you draw that line, you create a way for others to shove people behind that line. And the folks who usually get shoved behind that line and called "degenerate" are lgbtqia+ folks, and (c)sa survivors. It's happened before on LiveJournal and FFN, and it's happening now, irl, with book bannings across the USA (and especially in Florida). The only way to protect lgbtqia+ folks and (c)sa survivors from this abuse is to not draw a line in the sand at all. Don't call folks "degenerate" for any reason, unless you're ready to have that finger pointed back at you by a larger and more negative movement.

If you desire fuller context, it's below the cut.

First: no matter what you ship, I welcome you to this phandom.

The views of hatred and disgust that pop up in this phandom don't represent all of phandom. No fandom is perfect, and we'll always see some form of the "logic of disgust" from some folks in any fandom. But no matter what you ship, and whether or not I personally ship it, I welcome you. You will find no disgust from me as I am now.

If you dig backwards into my blog, you might find some anti sentiment. My introduction to fandom was first FFN, and then tumblr, back when I was more of a black-and-white thinker. I'm pretty sure I experienced some form of shock when I really started digging in to the Wild West that is fandom. I don't know if I ever expressed this shock online. But none of you deserve to be called "degenerates" over liking whatever fictional content you like. Y'all are a part of phandom, too, and any attempts to erase you or deride you are wrong.

We shouldn't be drawing lines in the sand and throwing people behind those lines. That's dangerous.

Second: to y'all who keep drawing lines in the sand, please consider the broader context around you.

The moment you draw a line in the sand to delineate between you and your group of people, and "them" and their group of "degenerates", people find ways to shove other folks, including you and your folks, behind that line. Historically, both in fandom and outside of fandom, the folks who get shoved ALWAYS include lgbtqia+ folks, and (c)sa survivors. We saw this with the purging of LiveJournal. We saw this with the multiple purges of FanFiction.Net. We haven't seen this with ao3, as far as I know; but their stance seems to be very anti-censorship for fandom-historical reasons.

Outside of fandom, we are seeing this now. I'm doing my senior capstone project on book bans. According to PEN America's data, over the past school year alone, 154 counties in 34 states have banned 1557 books 3362 times overall. Over 40% of those bans come from Florida counties. And much of the "reasoning" behind these bans is the same logic of disgust that fandom applies to "problematic ships": They call it pornographic and pedophilia. They call it harmful and age-inappropriate. They largely target books about lgbtqia+ people and people of color. And this year, they've also targeted "books on physical abuse, health and well-being, and themes of grief and death" - expanding their censorship to "protect the children".

Censorship doesn't protect anyone. Instead, it prevents people from holding genuine conversations with real people about the censored material.

And if you're not ready to have that conversation, that's fine! You do you! But don't create an environment where other people can't have that conversation. That only breeds the sort of black-and-white thinking that leads to 1406 book bannings in the state of Florida.

This is just speculation on my part: but I reckon every single person who supports those bans would love to ban the same content you want censored. And they'd call for you and the content you love to be lumped in with them.

We all deserve better than that. So please stop drawing lines in the sand.

[nabinochu]

I'm Fine

. ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ .

Y'all ever wish you had a Mammon irl to tell you it's all gonna be ok? Bc I sure as hell do. More comfort, are we surprised? I swear I have other ideas brewing that aren't just Sad™ lol

Characters: Mammon (Obey Me)

Genre: Hurt/ Comfort.

Warnings: Talk of depression/ dealing with mental illness. Slight swearing.

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I can feel Mammon's presence behind me. He shuffles from one foot to the other, unsure how to approach until he seemingly can't hold back anymore.

"Hey, ya ok?

I can't break out of my trance, answering on autopilot. 

"Yeah, m'fine."

I hear him grumble as he takes a couple of steps closer. 

"Don't believe ya."

"M'fine."

"No. Ya ain't." He's standing next to me now. I can feel his concerned eyes bore into the side of me.

"What makes you say that?" I can't bring myself to look at him, knowing that if I do, I'll break immediately.

"Well, for starters, how long y've been brewin' an' stirrin' that coffee. Second, I've lost count of how many cups y've had today." He puts his hand over mine to stop me stirring the over-brewed coffee. I jump a little at the sudden contact.

"Third, we've barely been talkin'. All yer messages are super dry. And lastly," Mammon cups my face and makes me look at him. His eyes soften, though I don't miss how his expression falls a little when he takes me in.

 "Those bags under yer eyes are lookin' damn heavy recently." 

My breath hitches in my throat. Like a crooked hand creeping higher and higher and closing around my neck, I feel the lump forming and tightening. My eyes sting as it gets harder and harder not to crumble in Mammon's warmth. I try to stutter out some words, some hollow excuse to maintain the facade and ensure he wouldn't worry. But it's too late for that. I know he sees right through me. My chest burns. I can't find my breath. My eyes are everywhere except on Mammon as I try to fight the storm swirling in the pit of my stomach. 

Pathetic. I tell myself. Weak. Burdensome. The brothers don't even like y-

"Hey! Look at me." Mammon grasps my shoulders and leans down to meet my eyes as if he could read my thoughts. "Doncha know? I love ya. So much."

A choked sob finally bubbles painfully from my throat, and my vision blurs with tears. 

Mammon firmly pulls me to his chest, the front of his shirt becoming soaked instantly. I hear his heart thrumming against his chest, clearly fighting his nerves for my sake. 

"Let it out. M'here." He sways us gently.

"It's ok if things're bad right now. But ya don't have to struggle alone. Let me carry some of the weight, kay? The Great Mammon is strong enough."

We stayed like this for some time until I had finally cried all I could. I feel numb, my head throbs. But I feel safe in Mammon's arms. 

He shifts to rest his chin on top of my head. 

"Wanna talk 'bout it?"

I think for a moment, trying to find my words. My voice is hoarse, barely a whisper.

"Sometimes, I just feel so sad. I can't explain it or describe it." I grip the material of his shirt.

"I'll be doing just fine. Then, the second I become aware that I'm doing fine, the darkness creeps back in. Sometimes, there are triggers. Other times, there aren't. I wish it made sense."

I feel Mammon's hand tracing patterns on my back as he listens.

"And sometimes, I think this is it; I've finally hit rock bottom. But then I find out there's a fucking basement."

He doesn't speak for a moment, seemingly searching his mind for the right thing to say. 

"I'm....so sorry." He settles, letting out a breath he had been holding. "I wish I could take that pain away from ya."

I snake my arms around his waist and breathe in his scent. I turn my face to place a gentle kiss on his heart.

"You already do just by being around." I breathe. "You mean so much to me, Mams. More than you know. I can't imagine my life without you now." I croak out. 

I feel him tense at my show of affection. He pulls me in tighter as if I would get snatched away from him if he let go, even for a second. 

"W-well, of course! I'm yer first, after all!" 

He takes a moment to gather himself and then speaks with sincerity. 

"Yer my human. My one and only. I don't want to lose ya."

His voice becomes small. 

"Can't lose ya."

"I'm sorry for worrying you." 

"Nothin' to apologise for." He shakes his head. "Just stick around, yeah?" He pulls back just enough to meet my puffy eyes once more. I nod in agreement. He seems to consider something for a second, not entirely satisfied. 

"Pinky Promise?" He holds his hand up to me, little finger extended.

I can't help the small smile that tugs at the corners of my mouth. Ah yes, the Avatar of Greed, the second strongest of the seven lords of the Devildom, who deals in pinky promises. My heart squeezes at the sight of the demon before me. My darkness seems to ease in this moment as I wrap my pinky tightly around his.

"Pinky Promise."

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[genderlessghoul]

Episode 19482938 of me having Feelings™ and making Phantom pay for it. I do be projecting on that ghoul way to much.

Anyways this one is called "Phantom is a dumbass that doesn't want to use proper binder etiquette and Dew had to scold him for it. There's trans angst in it."

~1.2k

“When's the last time you took your binder off?”

Phantom flinches at the question, tries not to look like he's about to be caught in a lie. He doesn't take his eyes off the tv screen, this is a very serious game of Mario Kart. Dew is unimpressed by his attempt at ignoring the question and walks up to him, hits the button on the controller he knows will pause the game.

“Look me in the eyes, Phantom.”

His tone is commanding, there's no escape possible. The quintessence ghoul sets the controller by his side on the couch and looks up at the fire ghoul. 

“When’s the last time you took your binder off?”

He repeats, annoyance evident in his tone.

“Last night. I don't sleep in it, like you told me to.”

Phantom knows that's not entirely what he meant but he'll be damned (well… more than he already is) if he doesn't try to deflect.

“You know full well that's not what I meant. When's the last time you took a day off from it? And don't even think about lying, I'm the one who does your laundry.”

Phantom shifts in his seat, already done with the conversation. He's not fond of Dew babying him like this all the time.

“Why do you ask, if you already know?”

“Becauuuuse” the fire ghoul starts, crossing his arms over his chest “I want you to be the one to tell me what you're doing to your body. You might not like it but it's the only one you got.”

The younger ghoul slumps back against the couch and rolls his eyes. “I dunno, a week maybe?”

“Try two weeks.”

“Can't have been that long…”

“It has.” Dew's tone gets more firm as he steps fully in front of the other ghoul. Satanas, they can be stupid when they're so fresh. “You need to take days off from it, you can't just wear it for weeks like that.”

“Why not? I'm not sleeping in it, like you said. I'm not wearing it for longer than eight hours, like you said. I'm not doing physical labor in it, like you said. Feels like everything should be fine!”

“Are you trying to fuck up your ribs forever? Because it feels like you're trying to fuck up your ribs forever.”

“I'm trying not to want to jump off the abbey's roof. I thought you understood that well enough.”

Dew takes a deep breath and leans forward to rest his hands on Phantom's shoulder. His eyes focus on the quintessence ghoul's, who refuses to meet his gaze. He tries to soften his voice before he speaks again.

“I do understand, baby boy. But I can't let you be reckless with your own health like that. You gotta take it off now.”

Phantom lets out a sigh before bringing his eyes up to Dew. “I don't like the way it feels when I don't have it on. Especially now, it just… it's just been worse recently.”

“I know, baby. I know. Come, let me show you a thing or two that might help.”

He takes Phantom's hand in his own and gently coaxes him up, pulling him to the fire ghoul's room. He orders him to sit on the bed and take off his shirt and binder while Dew rummages through the drawers in his dresser for something. The quintessence ghoul is slow to obey but he eventually does, taking his t-shirt to hide himself once his top half is bare. 

Dewdrop makes a triumphant noise when he finally finds what he's looking for and turns back to the younger ghoul sitting uncomfortably on the edge of his bed. He raises an eyebrow at him.

“You do know I've seen you naked before, right? Like… multiple times.”

“Like I said… it's been worse.”

Dew's eyes soften on him, he remembers all too well what it was like to get those periods where even acknowledging the two mounds (more like knobs, really, in his own case) of flesh on his chest was too much to bear. “It's okay. You know we're working hard to get a date scheduled. In the meantime, you have to make sure you take care of your stupid lungs.”

He walks back to the bed, piece of fabric in hand and presents it to Phantom. “It's a sports bra. It doesn't do the same job as a binder at all but it'll help on days where you can't wear it. Rain wears one almost all the time now, just 'cuz it's more comfortable.”

Phantom takes it from Dewdrop and takes a moment to examine the piece. It's black and stretchy, but a firm stretch. The straps are thinner than he's used to, he thinks it might become a sensory issue but he wills himself to pull it over his head.

Dew's right, it doesn't do the same job as a binder, but it does help make his chest appear smaller. And it's a lot more comfortable. He tries taking a deep breath and finds no resistance or discomfort at all. He thinks he might get used to it. Dewdrop throws a loose shirt his way.

“Try it with this.”

Phantom obeys and walks over to the mirror mounted on the wall. The swell of his breasts is still noticeable but it's barely there. Enough to last a couple days, he thinks. Enough to give himself a break.

“If you really need to” Dew steps closer to him and settles in his back, watching both their reflection “we can try tape again too. I know it didn't exactly go smoothly last time but it'd be better if you let me help, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Phantom almost chokes on the word. 

Binder, sports bra, loose clothes, tape, so many things with so many rules just to make others see him the way he wants to be seen, just to make him feel better about his own body. His own body. He's seen the way his packmates drip with confidence, the love they have for the way they look. He knows some of them worked harder than others for it but they all have it. All he has is disgust and shame, no amount of hiding will change that. Why was he not summoned properly? Why is his body nothing but wrong?

He gets pulled back to reality by a warm hand turning him around and finding itself resting on his cheek. A thumb wipes away a tear he didn't realize had fallen from his eye.

“Hey, I know how it feels right now. More than most, trust me. I can see right through that look in your eyes, I used to wear the same. I still do sometimes. We do what we can with what we have but sometimes it feels like it's never good enough, like we will never be good enough for us. We are. Never let anyone tell you otherwise, even yourself. You deserve to love yourself, Ant.”

Phantom takes a deep shaky breath to steady himself and nods. “I know. Sometimes theory is just harder than practice.”

Dew smiles at him “We'll work on it then. Now… I believe you had a game of Mario Kart to finish?”

[peonycats]

You might have noticed that i havent been posting art that much recently, which has been caused by a variety of reasons, but one of which is that I've been hunkered down and working on this series about my Siberian OCs!!! Really proud of how these turned out, esp the embroidery and patterns, even if i did fry my hand a bit in the process LOL

Click the read more for icons and personality descriptions written by @irithnova, who I share many of these OCs with :3c

Yukagir: Resident old lady surrounded by (who she sometimes considers annoying) youngins, sweet demeanour and pleasant to talk to, though she isn't immune to giving a good scolding when a younger Siberian is annoying her. Lots of knowledge from her many years when it comes to practical stuff so is good with her hands, though she finds other things difficult to remember… Sakha: Approachable and outgoing, hardheaded and unafraid to speak his mind. Big organiser of events and knows who everyone is - is always trying to extend his reach, even outside of Siberia. Smokes like there's no tomorrow. Was kind of a menace in his youth - his neighbours don't let him forget. Is artistic at heart, has sketchbooks full of illustrations and is pretty crafty. Saul Goodman who? Evenia: Easy going but usually keeps to himself, often mistaken for Evenkia much to his chagrin. Somewhat playful, loves some good banter. Excellent storyteller and has a million random tips and tricks stored in his head. Sporty, loves to challenge people to a race.

Dolgan: Similar to Sakha, she is also hard headed and unafraid to speak her mind, seeing as he raised her. Very studious and serious about her research, calculative about a lot of her actions. Seems timid on the surface because of her appearance, but she's managed to wield a lot of influence. Usually decked out in pretty clothing and jewellery from Sakha. Evenkia: Likes to take on a mentor role to those younger than him, like he did with Sakha. Very knowledgeable and enjoys problem solving. Has a bit of a reputation for dumping children of his onto others, though you would never guess this through his appearance alone. Enjoys collecting things, nerdy. Ket: Serious faced mostly and protective of himself, quite reserved, so it means a lot when he lets his guard down. Very particular about his routines, though this has made him quite good at planning and organising. Caught up in his own thoughts a lot - makes sense seeing as he's the last survivor of the Yenisein family. 

Chukotka: Social butterfly and very outgoing. Likes to be sort of a big sister figure to people, including North American groups. May seem scatterbrained and silly on the surface but she is far more clever than she lets on. Very girly and bubbly, wears jewellery that jingles as she walks past. Koryak: "Sibling" of Chukotka but personality wise he's quite different - he takes himself a bit more seriously. Dry sense of humour, and like Ket, he can be pretty sarcastic. Has a reputation of being a troublemaker (blame Russia for that), he's really not though. Being somewhat strung up is unfortunately his default these days. Itelmen: Woman respecter™ (no seriously look up the Itelmens' original polytheistic religion). Invites the other Siberians to his celebrations and is a pretty good host, but is prone to being possessive over them (as in, he wants to remind them that this is HIS tradition so don't try and claim it 🙄). Also prone to unprompted malding. His hair is well styled and maintained, though he pretends like he does nothing to it so as to not give up his secrets.

BONUS:

[erathene]

A Fool's Hope

Summary: Aragorn has returned to Helm's Deep, which is rushing to prepare for the arrival of Isengard's Uruk army. Unfortunately, recent events take a heavy toll on the future king of Gondor, and you struggle with your own doubts as you try to pick up the pieces.

Word count: 2.3k

Pairing: Aragorn & GN!Reader 

Warnings: Whump, loss of consciousness, nausea, Aragorn is Not A Well Man™.

Author's note: It has been years since I've written anything, and real life has been extra busy as I'm now a mum to my 16 month old son. Now I'm starting to get some time back for my own hobbies I've started writing a few fics. Enjoy! 😚

..........................

Thirty sacks of grain, check.

Fifteen barrels of mead, check. 

Ten crates of carrots and twelve of cabbages, check.

Eight bushels of apples, check. 

The scratch of your quill against parchment could scarcely be heard over the hubbub of activity that was swelling through Helm's Deep. The fortress was in full preparation mode, readying for the battle that was to come. It seemed that every citizen had their own duty to fulfil; whether that be sharpening weapons at the grindstone, filling quivers with arrows or reinforcing the main gate.

Things were a little calmer here amongst the supplies and foodstuffs that had been amassed in recent weeks from the many arrivals to the fortress. Crates were neatly stacked one on top of the other whilst large oak barrels lined the thick stone wall. King Théoden had tasked you with tallying all of the rations that had been gathered together and ensuring their safe delivery to the Glittering Caves beyond the keep. To some, it may have appeared a simple task, with no true impact or merit. However, as Keeper of the Granary in Edoras, you knew all too well how plans for a siege could go disastrously awry should there not be adequate supplies to keep the troops fed and watered. The king himself would want to know the exact figures of every product stored, and most importantly how it could be stretched to cover the longest amount of time possible without his soldiers going hungry. It was a crucial part of the battle plans.

Consequently, every note you made on your parchment sheet was checked and re-checked, before the containers were carried off to the caves. The gravity and significance of the task at hand also kept your mind from dwelling on the thought of the thousands of Uruks which would soon be on the doorstep. You were no fighter, and had you not been kept busy with this charge, you might have found yourself completely overwhelmed with the anxiety of the battle ahead. 

"Those three sacks there can go next," you indicated to one of the youths who had been placed under your command for this task. "And ensure they are stored off the ground; we don't want spoiled grain on our hands." You watched as the boy nodded at your instructions and heaved a sack over his shoulder.

You turned back to your parchment paper, studying the values you had written. A few more calculations and you would be ready to present your findings back to the king and his war council, who were due to meet shortly for the final time. Presenting information to all the lords of Edoras may have intimidated some, but to you it seemed wholly insignificant compared to your apprehension of the conflict to come. 

Movement out of the corner of your eye caught your attention and you glanced up quickly. Standing before you was Lord Aragorn, his gaze passing over the various containers that were held in the small area you were working in.

"My lord," you said as you bowed your head respectfully. "Is there something I can do for you?"

This was a paltry suggestion, for the man looked more than worse for wear. You had heard other folk speak of how he had been dragged off the cliff by one of the wolves of Isengard, and how he had ridden day and night to warn Théoden's people of the doom that was marching towards them. Yet nobody had spoken of his impairment. His complexion was pale beneath the dirt and grime of the skirmish and subsequent journey here, which also extended to his hair and clothing. A torn strip of cloth was tied around his upper arm, the crude bandage failing to fully cover an abrasion that was still red and raw underneath. His posture was irregular, likely caused by bruising beneath his garments and a cracked rib or two, and he gripped the hilt of his weapon as an old man would cling to a walking stick. As you took in his appearance, you found yourself morbidly surprised that he was still standing. 

"How are our supplies looking, Grainkeeper?" Aragorn asked, referring to you in the Common Tongue translation of your Rohirric title.

"Satisfactory, my lord," you replied quickly. "We won't be living in luxury, but I believe with careful management of our food stocks, we'll be able to see ourselves through at least a month of war or longer. The majority of the supplies have already been taken to the caves and stored securely. As you can see, we are about to move the final items," you gestured to the remaining crates of legumes and bushels of apples. You reported your findings to him as you would to King Théoden, taking the opportunity to see how the results would be received. 

"Good," he nodded. "That is good."

It didn't escape your attention how his grey eyes became glassy and unmoving as you gave your report, how his hand gripped the pommel of his sword with greater tension than before. "My lord, are you quite well?" you asked tentatively.

Aragorn blinked, returning from his reverie. "Well enough," he nodded with a forced smile. 

You felt less than convinced by his response. Nevertheless, he was a grown man, and it was not your place to fuss over him. With a pretence of curiosity to cover your underlying fears, you asked him about the preparations for the defence of the keep. Truth be told, you had been far too preoccupied in the makeshift open-air storeroom to take much notice of these activities.

"The reservists are being drawn behind the main wall, and archers will be positioned to support the keep," Aragorn said in a monotonous tone, as though he had repeated the battle plans over and over many times already. "King Théoden has sent his scouts to..." His sentence trailed off as he began to blink rapidly, reaching out to steady himself on one of the barrels of mead. Any remaining colour drained from his face as his breath came short and sharp.

Worry surged in your stomach for the man as he swayed dangerously on the spot. "My lord, you really should sit down. Here," you offered kindly, upturning an empty crate for him to use as a makeshift seat. "I'll fetch you some water." 

No sooner had you turned your back, there was an almighty crash as something went tumbling into the awaiting crates and barrels. You spun around on the spot and saw Aragorn sprawled on the floor, surrounded by upturned containers and stray carrots. A few apples rolled past the prone man whose limbs were haphazardly crumpled beneath him. Rushing to his side, you lifted back the mop of dark hair that lined his face; his eyes were half-lidded and his lips parted, as if he were trying to speak but his body was completely betraying him. You called his name, but there was no reaction. Pressing your fingers to his neck, you felt his racing heartbeat echoing in his veins beneath skin that was clammy to the touch. 

You called out to him again, the panic becoming evident in your voice. "Lord Aragorn, can you hear me?" You shook his shoulder vigorously in the hope of rousing him. Just as you were about to dash off to find help, you were rewarded when he let out a low, guttural moan.

"My lord?" 

You could just about make out the "M' fine," he mumbled into the floor. His fists clenched as began to push himself up to sitting, his hair falling over his facial features as he moved.

"Come, rest against the wall here." You gestured a few feet away where there was a gap between the mead barrels and crates. None of the colour had returned to his cheeks yet, and you fretted inwardly about whether he would lose consciousness again as you aided him. Soon enough, however, the man was resting against the cool stone, taking in deep and shaking breaths with his eyes firmly shut. 

You rushed to fill a spare flagon with water from a nearby jug, the liquid sloshing as you hurried back to Aragorn. The man opened one eye as you handed him the cup. "I'm fine," he repeated, seeing the concern etched on your face.

"I'm sure you are, my lord," you said grimly. "But it would lessen my worry to see you drink." 

Aragorn extended his hand towards the flagon, but seeing how he shook uncontrollably, you brought the cup to his lips instead. Slowly, he took a few small sips as the flagon tilted.

"Better?" you asked quietly.

"Aye. Thank you," he said. You helped him take a few more sips from the flagon, satisfied by the colouring that was slowly returning to his cheeks. 

Suddenly, another voice called over the barrels. "Lord Aragorn?"

You stood quickly, and saw the voice belonged to the captain of the king's guard, Háma. He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden appearance from behind several barrels. "Captain Háma, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I am looking for Lord Aragorn. King Théoden wishes to see him immediately."

You briefly looked down at Aragorn, who was still slumped behind the barrels. At first he caught your gaze with pleading grey eyes, before his eyelids fell and his head shifted lightly from side to side to convey his refusal. You understood; he wasn't ready, not yet. 

You feigned reaching for your parchment which had been abandoned on top of a nearby barrel, hoping Háma would not be suspicious of your downward glance. "I'm afraid I have not seen him, sir. Perhaps he has gone to the armoury?"

Háma's stern gaze was fixed on you for several moments, before he frowned with disappointment. "I have already looked there, but perhaps we missed each other. As you were, Grainkeeper." He departed the area, his armour and chainmail ringing as he walked.

As soon as the captain rounded the corner, you bent back down behind the storage containers to level with Aragorn.

"Thank you," he breathed. "I am not sure I could have faced the king right now. Not while I have no strength left in me." 

"That's quite alright, Lord Aragorn. Here," you gave him a polite smile before reaching out and offering one of the apples that had been thrown in his fall. 

Aragorn blanched at the sight of the fruit. "I'm not hungry," he grunted through gritted teeth. 

"You said it yourself, you are lacking strength." From your pocket you pulled a small knife, and holding the fruit in your palm you began to slowly remove the apple skin with the edge of the blade. "This should help you recover somewhat." You cut the skinned apple into pieces in your hand, handing the man a wedge. 

Aragorn took the apple piece, but paused for a good minute or two before it entered his mouth. He chewed slowly, grinding the fruit down into a pulp, before he swallowed with a grimace. He looked like he was trying very hard not to vomit. 

You searched for a topic of conversation to draw his focus away from his churning stomach. Unfortunately, the only subject brimming the surface of your thoughts was the feeling of impending doom waiting for the siege to begin; the same feeling you had largely ignored whilst you had been occupied by your work.

You blurted out a question that had been rattling around your mind before you could even consider whether it would be appropriate to ask. "Is it true? There are really ten thousand Uruks marching on us?" 

Aragorn nodded slowly. "I'm afraid so. From the numbers I saw, Isengard is likely to be deserted."

You sighed, unable to mask your pessimism. "Ten thousand against three hundred. So there truly is no hope for us.."

"I disagree," said Aragorn quietly. "We still have hope." 

"Are we not fools to hope at all? Knowing what we are up against?"

"Nay," said Aragorn. "To hope is not foolish. We have a choice; to choose hope over fear. Choosing hope means choosing to believe that there are better days to come, if one has the courage to fight for it. That is not foolish in the slightest."

"No, I suppose not," you said, slightly surprised by the wisdom he demonstrated seemingly beyond his years. 

You suddenly heard your name being called from beyond the barrels. Rising to your feet once more, you saw the young man who had carried a sack of grain to the caves had returned. He stood obediently awaiting his next instructions, but you saw how his eyes curiously travelled around the chaos of upturned crates and loose vegetables that had appeared in his absence. "Never mind the mess now, boy," you shooed him away as soon as he held a crate of cabbages in his arms.  

"I should help you tidy up," Aragorn said firmly. "This is my doing after all."

"Are you sure, my lord?" You worried whether or not he should be standing so soon after his blackout.

"Yes. I insist," he said, slowly rising to his feet.

"That would be appreciated, thank you."

Together, you gathered up the provisions that had been thrown when the man had taken his tumble, and the chaos was soon reorganised back into neatly stacked crates. You looked around to see where you had left your parchment of notes, only to see the man holding them in his outstretched hand. 

"Remember; choose hope over fear," he said, touching your shoulder before taking his leave of you. 

His comment seemed to lighten the very air around you, the weight of complete helplessness clearing from your mind. You turned back to your parchment paper, feeling more resolved than ever to be a part of this final stand against evil, even if it was with a fool's hope.

[coreene]

It's the 1 year anniversary of Lorelei's Journal! I can't believe it's been a year since I've started sharing this thing. When I started I had no idea it was going to take me this long to write it, nor have I thought how long it was going to be.

It currently has 194k words and 45 chapters! I have made it to act 3 but act 3, as we all know it, is an overwhelming chaotic mess but, I am determined to write it in a way that it can make some sort of sense.

I do plan to end it at 60 chapters which coincides to 60 in-game days, as each chapter is a day. Depending on the things™, it might get a little bit longer - we're gonna see what happens!

For those that do not know Lorelei's Journal is a rewrite of the game in journaling format and uses 1st Person POV. The main romantic pairing is Astarion x Fem!Tav and Lorelei is a half-elf rogue.

Act 1&2 are written from her POV, Astarion starts writing in act 3 alongside her. But I also have a series with one-shots, written from Astarion's POV (mostly 1st person).

And a post-game (non-canon) fluff series written for the Winter Fluffle of 2023.

This is not all I've done for this series however. I've also made a calendar and marked the events that has happened in the fic (and by extension the game) so far!

The Calendar of Harptos is the calendar used in the game and more info can be found in this post.

Now, if I move onto the OCs:

This is Lorelei (Tav)

Her name comes from the song Lorelei by Theatre of Tragedy. I haven't checked it very recently but if my memory serves me correctly, it is also the name of sirens in germanic mythology. (I also like the song Lorelei from Scorpions)

Her guardian (and also her old flame) Athedrin

I've created his name using the information I've linked in this post. It comes from mixing "tath" and "drin" which mean "blue, midnight, night" and "rogue, stealer" respectively. I like to think his name would mean "Midnight rogue"

And lastly, Lorelei's unfinished family tree (slight spoilers):

This one has a few spoilers but I doubt many people who decides to read this will make it this far on the post (or will actually read the fic). And it is also still a wip so the names and descriptions I haven't used in the fic might change.

My plan for its second year is finish up and hopefully start on the following stories I have been turning in my head for the past year.

Thank you everyone for reading this far, thank you everyone who liked, reblogged, kudoed, left a comment and was with me on this journey one-way or the other!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I stopped talking to someone freaking me out a little?

Last year, I (17M) was at a social event in my neighborhood and I saw someone there who I'd never met at one of those events before. I went over to say hi and we chatted for a while. She was really sweet and I'm a naturally friendly person (who is terrible at reading social cues, more on that later) so when she asked for my number, I didn't really think twice about it and we swapped numbers. Only after I left did I think “oh, wait.”

As I am a dumb Bisexual Idiot™, this is not the first time this has happened and every time it does, I fail to realize it until I've already given my number to whichever friendly individual whose flirting flew under my radar like Tom Cruise gliding under a bus on a motorcycle in a Mission Impossible movie.

She texted me pretty much right away, asking if I'd like to hang out anytime. This freaked me out a little, but she was really sweet when we first met so I thought to myself that maybe she does mean this totally platonically and I'm just reading too much into this.

So we found a time to meet up and - I’m, like, 75% sure she thought it was a date. It was really really awkward. Right before I headed home, she asked if I want to hang out again sometime soon, so I answered that I was really busy and didn't know when I'd be available (this was true, I'd hardly been able to find time to meet up with her that day in the first place).

Since then she's been texting me really really frequently, and pretty much every day she's asked when we can hang out again. I've been really busy recently as well, and I don't really want to meet her again. I haven't ghosted her but it kind of makes me uncomfortable to keep texting her, as she texts me constantly and it's freaking me out a little bit. However, I'm terrified of hurting people’s feelings in any way, and I don't want to hurt her.

So WIBTA if I stopped talking to her altogether? Or should I keep talking with her, because I'm sure she doesn't mean to be overbearing or creepy? I have no idea what to do. [tumblr].com please help a poor bisexual soul

What are these acronyms?

[spirk-trek]

I would love to hear your thoughts on kirk's backstory and what happened on tarsus iv, I feel like I've read so many conflicting takes on here and none of them actually match up with the episode (conscience of the king)

Hi anon! The way you worded this makes me think you were just looking for information and not a fic request. Forgive me if I was wrong!! 😅

I think the reason there are so many conflicting ideas is because of how vague it is in canon itself (which is cool, leaves a lot of room for interpretation). Because of this, when I recently wrote a thing about Tarsus IV I also struggled with "research" for it. Here's what I came up with:

!!! Disclaimer! I am not declaring any of this the One True Canon™! This is just my interpretation/speculation based on existing lore !!!

To me, it makes most sense for Jim to be sent to Tarsus IV with his mother, and for her to be a civilian scientist/researcher of some kind. I find it very hard to believe the massacre could have taken place if Starfleet were present, which would include George Kirk, Jim's father. George is said to have been absent often due to his work (SNW), so it wouldn’t be strange for him to be separated from his family (this is also just normal in Star Trek in general, i.e. Sulu [AOS] and like… everyone with children in TNG).

A more recent Trek book called Drastic Measures seems to back this exact idea up (depends who you ask which novels are canon, and this book was written for Discovery so take it with a grain of salt).

Sam would, in the TOS timeline, be 10 years older than Jim (~23). That would make it unlikely he'd be tailing after his mother to remote colonies. It's much more likely he was concerned with his own career/family/life.

So, in summary of those points, I think it was just Jim and Winona. Jim is between 12 and 14 years old, and his mother was a civilian researcher (the novel I mentioned earlier made her a xenobiologist, probably for plot reasons).

Something I do see exaggerated sometimes is the method of killing in the massacre. An antimatter chamber appears to be what was used, similar to A Taste of Armageddon, so it would not have been mass carnage or a big dramatic fight in the end. Just... zap. 

SPOCK: "He was certainly among the most ruthless, to decide arbitrarily who would survive and who would not [...] and then to implement his decision without mercy. Children watching their parents die. Whole families, destroyed. Over four thousand people. They died quickly, without pain, but they died.”

However, these are also quotes from the episode, so I can see why people might think the massacre itself was more violent: 

- JIM: “Four thousand people were needlessly butchered.” - LEIGHTON: “I remember him. That voice. The bloody thing he did.”  - JIM: “Are you sure you didn't act this role out in front of a captive audience whom you blasted out of existence without mercy?” - KARIDIAN/KODOS: “Murder, flight, suicide, madness. I never wanted the blood on my hands ever to stain you.” 

There was a revolution of some kind, probably brought about by people easily radicalized out of hunger and desperation.

- KARIDIAN/KODOS: [reading] "The revolution is successful…” - SPOCK: “There were over eight thousand colonists and virtually no food. And that was when Governor Kodos seized full power and declared emergency martial law.”

If Kodos already had his ideas about eugenics, which it sounds like he did, he would have seized this as an opportunity. This would make him an even more solid comparison to Hitler, which they were definitely going for to at least some extent (this was written two decades after WWII which many involved in the making of star trek were deeply affected by if not veterans themselves).

Because of the above quotes, I also think there’s merit to the idea of there being multiple formal executions where Kodos gave his infamous “speech” each time rather than just once (this would be another reason Jim would remember it enough to write it down), rather than one massive execution of 4,000 people. However, this quote could be interpreted to mean the opposite:

SPOCK: “Kodos began to separate the colonists. Some would live, be rationed whatever food was left; The remainder would be immediately put to death.”

Arguably, the even more traumatic suffering would be the period of starvation and upheaval leading up to the massacre. To me, a 3-6 month period of slowly worsening starvation as the food supply shrank and shrank to nothing would make the most sense.

One aspect I don't quite get is that Kodos's body was supposed to have been "burned beyond recognition.” Since we know from Conscience of the King his death was staged, then this fake death can’t have been pulled off in the midst of Starfleet intervention upon arrival (they would have taken him into custody to stand trial rather than kill him on sight anyway). Burning yourself to death is a highly unusual form of suicide, so I’m not sure if that’s supposed to allude to him being fake killed in the carnage following the execution when the people didn't react the way he wanted or expected? My only theory is that there was unrest and rioting for the period of time between the massacre and Starfleet arriving with relief, and he used that to fake his death once he knew he would be put on trial.

Anyway, this is super long so I'll cut myself off there. Hope that answered your question, sorry for being crazy! If anyone has anything to add, please do!

[theghostbunnie]

How do you see Max and Neil relationship? I mean I know you ship it but why specifically? I’d love to hear your thoughts on it!

I see them my personal fannon wise as having a really deep connection and dynamic where the lines of platonic and romantic love get blurred (when they're older) and even though they're both really terrible at communicating that verbally, and their emotions in general as people, they both just know they can be way more comfortable, honest, and vulnerable around each other than other people bc they really are each other's person. Even when I'm shipping them with other people their friendship is still greatly important in their lives.

Just a silly little HC I have but: Max is shown to be impressed with Neil's capabilities and Neil is shown to be attention and ego-driven. Even though Neil knows not to take Max's opinion too overly highly bc, c'mon it's Max, I HC Neil secretly really likes the way it feels to be "Max's exception." The asshole with few friends and is hard to impress or understand.™

I think I've said it before but I'll say it again too much of maxneil is just ""max and his boyfriend"" rather than Max AND Neil. Max being a huge fan favorite and some fans wanting to give him a romantic partner and Neil being the closest dude in arms reach. Often just focusing on what Max can receive, how Neil feels about Max, what he can do for him, ect.

I love Neil as a character, he's my silly skrimbly and deserves his own life with intricate issues, and affection, and his own needs and flaws.

Neither one of them has endless patience!! They're both very morally grey just in different ways! I love using those aspects about them to come up with angst.

More Cannon-wise though I mentioned how Max is BIG on first impressions not only that, he's goal oriented and specifically wasn't looking for friends in the first episode. When meeting Neil for the first time this kid was: A: very openly unhappy with the situation, and B: smart. Max saw Neil as useful and felt a sensation of kinship. It wasn't until he cussed and yelled out Campbell did he also find him interesting and someone to give more respect towards, due to that sensation of kinship multiplying at the display of taking no shit and yelling at authority about it.

Max still wasn't looking for friends but Neil had showed him a side of his personality that paved a good way towards that anyways. Max trusted him pretty quickly to escape with him.

We know Neil and Nikki had both been victims of bullying, (Neil mentioning being the outcasted kid himself in the Jermy Fartz episode) so they developed a heavy clingyness to their first friend. (In the episode foreign exchange campers they're incredibly distraught he didn't want to be on their team. They're watching him and getting angry/sad about it. I honestly think this same problem they have socially comes back in the recent finale. Neil and Nikki need people to like them more than Max does, he's actively seen trying to calm them down about it.)

So where Max has a "push everybody away" method Neil and Nikki have a "hold on and never let go" to an unhealthy amount. Nikki moves past this partially, Neil doesn't.

Neil had a robot he made JUST to be his friend turn on him FOR being clingy and needy. He blinked away a TEAR when Max called him temporary. Max may have saw him as a friend first but Neil more openly held it closer to his heart.

They both have way more in common than people notice, Neil isn't really the voice of reason to Max's chaos. It depends on the day. Max can loose control of a situation he created for his own gain, Neil looses control when trying to gain attention or gain lack of it actually.

When Max thought he lost Dolph to bears Neil said hope you find him! And outed, But in camp cool kidz when Max starts an uprising after Neil gives him the idea, he's the only person to willingly stay on his side.

When Neil's AI got out of hand Max was impressed, but Neil had to drag him to help. Where as when Neil was lying about the story of Hanukkah, Max tried to give him advice and help him out.

Max both simultaneously uses Neil like a henchman sometimes, but Is impressed by his actions and capabilities. Neil is VERY attention and ego-driven. Max saying he's too dumb to find something just so Neil will happily fetch it for him is him playing on that, although it's a mean move it really shows how well he knows Neil. And even openly admits Neil knows him well too.

Max was the only person who knew/Neil trusted with his bathroom issues. (I hc Neil asks Max to whistle outside the outhouse for him and Max is like "do you know how many superstitions tell you not to whistle outside at night/j" and Neil is like neither one of us is superstitions just start that remix already istg!!!)

Both of their personalities hold so many similarities as well as alot of negative traits so they do bump heads alot, unlike Nikki's behind your back type shit talk, Neil insinuates once to his face he was smarter than Max and got a foul reaction from it.

This post is a lot more messy than the Nikki one as I can probably easily break down a timeline where Max warmed up to Nikki, but with Neil he seemed to connect with him pretty quickly, in reigny day where I mentioned he was quick to shut nikki down, in the same episode he's very driven to figure out where Neil is. Their dynamic is more complicated I think bc when Max and Neil aren't getting along it's more clear and direct and often due to their similar things. Pettiness, selfishness, egotisticalness. On the other side of the same coin they act silently attached to the hip and almost above other people together.

So I guess I ship it BC I like interpreting them with that very big understanding they have of one another, that deep rooted camaraderie, balanced out with that banter of being sassy little shits but in different ways. The potential angst of when they've already become THAT close but their problems of different moral greyness get too big.

The idea of them spending nearly every day together, and deeply loving each other but never actually saying it or expressing their affection in traditional ways, yet still feeling and knowing that love is there.

[cogaytes]

i know it's not directed at me, but my conversation starter is that i personally find fandom as a place for anyone and everyone. i think my genuine confusion for the discourse is that the age limit to use ao3 is 13, and that most of these works in question are properly tagged as well. (if they aren't then that's an entirely different conversation.)

oh and also that teenagers have sex?

if you don't wanna see it that's never a huge problem! of course you should stay within your comfort zone and avoid things that make you feel uncomfortable (especially if you're on the younger age of the spectrum of minors on these websites!)

but arguing that smut shouldn't exist is something i've never truly understood. Sexuality is something that people (yes that includes young people) can and should explore if they want to. Writing and consuming it in fandom is a way for many older teenagers and young adults to do that in a safe and healthy way.

Especially when it is those things like rape and non-con stuff--shouldn't we be relieved that instead of causing harm to others, people are just using their creativity to write about it?

Tumblr has always been the Gay People Site™, and to me and my expression of both my gender and sexuality, sex is a huge part of that. People have sex! Teenagers have sex! Some people even like to read and write about it!

Unfortunately for a lot of people, their self expression is not socially accepted as the norm, and they can--and may already have--faced disgust and discrimination for their private interests. Sites like Archive of our Own and Tumblr were made for the freedom of self expression and exploring personal interests in an anonymous way, especially those that may be considered taboo.

Will you find me reading incest fics? Probably not, that's not my cup of tea. But I won't complain either, because I know that it may be that for the author and some other people. As long as a fic is properly tagged, I personally do not have issue with content as long as it does not cause mental or physical harm to other (real world) people.

These are fictional characters, and I truly believe that censoring authors and artists just because what they're creating is considered problematic or even just openly disobeys what is widely accepted as the norm is silly and reductive of what we've been fighting for for decades. Humans are sexual beings with sexual minds, and in our modern age we use our thoughts to write whatever we feel like. Sometimes that happens to be sex!

It may be uncomfortable, and may not be for you, but the existence of fanfiction as a whole can open up more understanding for people who are looking for connection, not just connection that you yourself deem "acceptable."

Sex is not something that's impure nor dirty, it is inherently human. It's personal and intimate, but it is not wrong.

this ask is mostly applied to what i've found in kotlc as a fandom, but my inbox is open anytime if you (or anyone who may read this) wants me to expand more on fandom spaces as a whole. i have more thoughts on real world people and a lot of other topics, but i tried to keep it to just what applied to keeper. (trying not to write an entire essay in yours haha.)

i'm aware that i may have a more lenient view on this than most as well, so i'd love to hear your thoughts <3

yeah no i agree basically with all of this! it's something i've been really grappling with over the last few years (especially recently as a ship i really find uncomfortable has become big in some of my circles of mutuals, which has been interesting to see how i thought about it when it was first a thing 3ish years ago and how my reactions have changed now). i think as i grew up i just stopped almost. caring about what other people make? like i just. filter shit out on ao3 and on tumblr and scroll past shit i don't want to see. i unfollow or block if it really becomes an issue.

but personally i just really don't like the idea of any art being given a moral value, even when it portrays topics we really don't want to think about or might feel uncomfortable with. like, my parents wouldn't let me read the hunger games until i was a certain age because the mass child death etc were just so fucking horrifying that they didn't want me exposed to it. and even reading it as an adult i'm like. okay. holy fuck. but that doesn't mean it's immoral or gross or disgusting just because it portrays fucked up things as fiction. and it definitely doesn't say anything about the author that she wrote it.

you don't have to read smut if you're not comfortable with it! you're allowed to be made uncomfortable by sex! but as long as it's properly warned for so you can avoid it, that doesn't mean it shouldn't be allowed to exist.

[olderthannetfic]

Do you or any followers know if there's an origin to hybrid AUs/fics? Like, did it originate from a specific fandom, or is "it'd be cool if this character had dog ears and a knot" such a universal thought that it just popped up one day and grew from there? I've tried looking into it but I've never had any luck :(

--

Good question.

Obviously, cute animal ears have been a thing for a while. I assume both that lots of people independently came up with that and that some of the more codified versions spring from Japanese stuff.

But Hybrid Fic™ using the word 'hybrid' and some of those tropes specifically... IDK... I personally first saw it being really common in kpop fandoms and relatively recently, but that doesn't mean anything.

[sciderman]

I've been having some gender-confused thoughts recently and I've been kinda hoping you could weight in on this (as i kinda see you as an expert on gender™ stuff), as sometimes i kinda think like "I wonder what it would be like to be a girl" or "I kinda wanna try if I'd like being a woman and percieved as such" but also partly i am unsure, as i got noone to try stuff with irl (like make-up and clothes and stuff like that) and my parents, mainly my dad, aren't really the most open thinking people out there, and also because part of me wonders if part of my brain is still sexualizing women because most/basicly all of those thoughts are connected to sexual stuff or something physical (even if just cuddling or making out) so i dunno what to think. Sorry for venting but i dunno who to ask tbh. (Where's a Vanessa where you need one, eh?)

i don't think there's any sort of a thing like an expert on gender™, and i don't know if i could at all really weigh in on the validity of your feelings or whether you "qualify" for the right to experiment with your gender – you really, really don't have to "qualify" or feel like you're any sort of anything! if you're curious about what it would feel like to present as femme, then - by god, try it and find out. it might feel amazing, and you'll do it again - you might not like it, and never do it again. or, it might just be a thing you feel that week, and not the next week, and then you'll feel it again in a couple of months, then not.

it doesn't hurt to just - treat it as something easy and free. it doesn't hurt to - buy something pretty and try it in front of the mirror. you're not signing a contract or applying for status as a full-time trans... you're just trying something new. just like you'll try a new entree at a new restaurant. you might never go back. or you'll love it so much you'll go there every week. until you find a new, better restaurant. it's not an all-or-nothing sort of deal - it's not any sort of commitment at all. it's just clothes, and words, and feelings. they can change at any moment, and you should let them be strange and inexplicable and unexplainable - don't take it too seriously. it's all play. treat it like play.

everything in life should feel like play. i think it hurts everyone - absolutely everyone, cis or trans, or anyone - to think that they have to be a certain way. like they have to be this much of something, and cannot be anything else. be free, be comfortable, and be as much of something as you want to be. you don't have to be more, and you don't have to be less than whatever it is you want to be. just - just be.

if you think it'll be fun to put some tights on, put some tights on. if you think it'll be fun to put some make-up on, put some make-up on - sure, it'd always be nice to have someone to guide you through that journey, but - ultimately, whether you have someone else or not, that journey is going to be initiated by you. you have to want to take that first step - and you don't have to wait for it to happen. you can do it any time, whenever you're comfortable and ready, and feel safe to do so.

i think, also, if you're sincerely thinking about gender beyond the binary and asking these sorts of questions then the issue of "sexualising women" becomes much more multilayered than you think. but i don't really - i don't know, i don't really understand where you're coming from. i think there's a very harmful argument from terfs and the like where - they demonise transwomen and accuse them of fetishising femininity and coopting it as a way to penetrate female spaces and - i don't know, maybe that's a mindset you're internalising? if so, i'd really ask you to reexamine that - if you're thinking that about yourself, are you thinking that of transwomen and other gnc people? just - something to reexamine. make sure you're not internalising a rhetoric like that. i'm pretty sure you're not that horrible bogeyman that terfs like to conjure to get people to fear transfolk. and i'm pretty sure that you taking the time to explore your identity and ask questions and getting to know yourself and your relationship with the world is a pretty harmless and wonderful thing that you shouldn't feel afraid to do.

good luck anon! and don't feel afraid to slip back into my inbox with any exciting updates, if you do decide to be so bold!

[our-arospec-experience]

Heyo! Self-identified aroace here.

Ngl at first I could really relate to a lot of the aroace memes I would see on the internet, then I started drifting apart a bit when there was all the ace discourse online but recently (?) i feel like its been getting a bit better?? Idk at least for My Brand of AroAce™ I could never understand the desire for love or closeness with anyone, even just for platonic love, which is why I couldn't understand the aroacespec folks out there? Never liked having friends, could go without em quite frankly, just have a lot of love I want to share and then never interact with the person again. Relationships have always been a hassle and I've only ever felt the desire to interact sometimes with other humans, not form friendships and stuff. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm a douchcanouche! It's common sense to be courteous and kind when interacting with others, but I'd rather not be remembered as someone you were friends with. Just like,,,, think about those you're closer to or something??

With how labels have been getting more detailed and specific as people have branched out and explored their identities, I think its done both good and bad for the community, but on the whole im not against it. Sorry if this is all over the place but just had a lot of thoughts. Glad there is a community for "loveless aros" out there, because it can be a bit alienating to feel like a heartless asshole just because you don't feel the need to be closer with others or to love and/or be loved by someone.

I dont think I'll ever identify as a "loveless aro/ace", just because the label isn't really for me? Doesn't feel right yknow? But I'll support those who do.

If you're reading this, you're not alone and your identity is valid even if it doesn't fit whatever norms you compare yourself to. Live your best life and be understanding to others and yourself. That's all, folks ✌️

it is just as okay to not have microlabels as it is to have them :)

[isfjmel-phleg]

Regarding the recent discussion of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society--this is my specific, personal experience on the matter.

I am an unmarried Baptist woman in my early thirties. I have never dated, have never been interested in anyone (beyond a weird crush in college that was less an attraction and more me trying to convince myself I was normal), am not looking for anyone, and have no intention of getting married in the foreseeable future.

Churches, in my experience, have no idea what to do with someone like this. A single woman is already suspect enough but one who isn't pathetic and pining about it? Clearly one of those selfish feminists (which is of course the Worst Insult Of All for a woman, besides calling her a woman instead of a lady) who will never get to know what Real Love is. Oh, and the birth rate is going down alarmingly, and we all know whose fault that is. Don't worry, God has someone out there for you. You just haven't found the right one yet. We're praying for your future husband. A Nice Godly Young Man™. My mom proudly reminds me that she has never pressured me to marry but then tells me things like if I decide I don't want to get married, what if someone comes along and I miss my chance? Or she'll try to reassure me that marriage isn't terrible.

I don't think marriage is terrible. In fact, I take marriage very seriously. That's why I'm not married. It's a huge deal to put that kind of trust in someone and to do so permanently (ideally). There's a lot of risk. People can seem nice but turn out to be not what you thought they were (this happened to my best friend, who married a man who turned out to be a p*rn addict who had no interest in correcting this sin and saving their marriage), and then you--and your children, if you have any by then--can get badly, irretrievably hurt. I wouldn't want to marry anyone whom I wasn't absolutely convinced was worthy of my trust. And quite frankly, I haven't encountered any guy who fits that description.

...because as far as I can tell, my super-traditional denomination doesn't tend to always raise its boys well (exceptions do exist, but I'm generalizing from what I've seen). These Nice Godly Young Men™ often come with a lot of emotional immaturity. A lot of inability to connect with women--we act like men and women are such different creatures that they can never truly relate to each other or share interests and besides, you ladies shouldn't be friends with guys anyway because it inevitably leads to sexual interest--and yet somehow they expect us to meet and connect enough to marry! There's a lot of ego and macho posturing and expectation of being the head Supreme Dictator of the household. And I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck with a man who expects me to be less intelligent than him. I don't want a man who wants to be a sort of combination of father and boss and military commander whom I am obligated to sleep with. I don't want a man who would see me as just a means to an end.

Are there men of reasonably comparable beliefs to my own who aren't like this? Sure, probably. But I'm not going to hold my breath for one even if I were interested in a marital relationship.

I wouldn't want to get married just because it's expected. Or because I'm afraid of being alone. Or because I think it will make me a Real Adult. Or because I want babies (not older children or teenagers or eventual adults--just cute, cuddly babies). Or because some guy comes along who's Nice Enough so I might as well. Or because everyone else is doing it and I need to be in the Wife/Mom Club too. Or because I'm a woman so I Have To. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to either me or the man I would marry to enter into something so binding, so serious, on such flimsy pretexts. I would much, much rather be married to no one at all--which really isn't a dreadful fate at all!--than married for the wrong reason and have to live with those regrets.

God, for his own purposes, has not given me a desire for marriage, and I fully accept this. If that changes, he will make it clear to me. If there's someone out there who is genuinely good and kind and mature and wants a Rebekah (not just A Wife--any Nice girl will do for that--but me specifically as a whole human being) and needs to be in my life, well, God can make that happen, I guess. But honestly, I don't need this mythical creature to be happy. I have a family. I have friends. It's taken a long time but I'm becoming better at believing my friends really love me. And that means a lot. I am loved. I have purpose. A different purpose from many others' but still worthwhile.

I do struggle a lot with feeling silently compared to the women around me who have done the Good Baptist Girl thing, and I do wish that people in churches treated single women with the same regard as married ones. But even though that's hard, that doesn't change anything about how God feels about us.

So this whole thing of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society? It's not that these women are ungodly. It's that we have high standards, and our culture is at a place where we don't have to just take what we can get to survive anymore. It's not ungodly to take marriage seriously enough to not just settle but rather hold out for someone who can best model what God really expects a good husband to be--or else find meaning and value in the life of a single person, nonetheless much beloved by the most loving and trustworthy one of all.