Tugging The Tether
(content warning- guy dies via proximity to sun and then cries a ton. also like very minor sensory overload moment)
-
“It fired, Yarrow. But it failed.”
What?
“The sun station is useless. It will never, and could never, cause the sun to explode.”
No. It- it can’t be, I-
I rush over to the Nomai calculator to see how much time I have left before the station gets consumed, desperately clinging on to whatever semblance of order I have left.
This is moving too fast, I need to process this all, I- Shit, there’s only a minute? No, wait… But I'm not ready, I-
I feel my body tremble, my fingers are slipping. Skies, I'm so sweaty.
The supernova, it’s- it’s natural? No, it- it can’t be. I was so sure that they did something, AND- and that I could switch it off!!
I stumble backward, unable to string my thoughts in order. Trying to regain my footing, I lean against the wall, struggling to find something stable. My thoughts are moving too fast, the sun is moving too fast, I need to pause, but there's no time, I- I can't THINK!! Shit, it’s so hot in here.
Okay, Agate, you can do this. You just need to calm down. I definitely don't have time to leave and make it to my ship. I’m stuck here, alone with my anguish.
This can't be it, I've come so far- But if the supernova is natural, then what the HELL is this time loop FOR, then? All this struggling, all this anguish and for WHAT?
Oh, my skies, it's so unbearably hot.
The Nomai wouldn't just- stop, right? There has to be some other answer, some place I haven't explored yet. Oh, it doesn't matter right now, I'm gonna die in a couple seconds anyways. I’ve died to a supernova countless times before, but it's never been like this. All the other times the sun has nova’d on me, it was over in an instant. With this, the sun is inching closer and closer to the instant where it consumes the station, and therefore, me. But until that instant arrives, as every millisecond goes by, the heat gets increasingly painful. There's nothing nearby that'd be a quick way out and there's no way I'm gonna be able to meditate under these conditions.
It’s starting to hurt my skin now. I feel my retinas literally burning, and I turn away from the sun in whatever feeble instincts I have left to live, to survive. I’ve never burned alive this slowly, it hurts so much. My spacesuit is all charred away, and my clothes underneath are starting to burn away as well and my skin is close to catching fire. The worst part is I can feel my organs, too- they're melting. It's getting harder and harder to breathe, I'm so dizzy, I can't stand any longer. I collapse to my knees, the ground is melting under me, and the gravity sucks me in closer and closer to the sun. I'm heaving and heaving, but I can't get any air. My skin catches fire, and I open my mouth to scream, but I have nothing left in my lungs. I can’t form coherent thoughts, everything is being drowned out by the immeasurable pain I'm in right now. All that escapes my mouth is a feeble cry in agony. The gravity mechanisms the Nomai installed in the ground finally give as the station around me crumbles and I fall into the sun, feeling for an instant the most intense, indescribable pain before I
Suddenly I have air again, and I gasp like it’s my first breath, but it sounds less like a gasp and more like a hollow, empty scream. I see that fucking view again. I can’t be here right now. I’d rather be literally anywhere but here, but my body doesn't want to move. My world is reeling, and even though my physical body is safe now, I can still feel my body burning like a marshmallow vividly in my memory. I can't shake the dizziness and the panic.
I hear Slate’s skiesdamned voice, but I don't care to listen. It’s just another reminder letting me know yet again that I've failed. I look down at my hands, blinking, still heaving. Fury fills me. Despair fills me. I can’t see anything, my vision is blurring. Slate says something again, and I vaguely make out their form setting their marshmallow stick down. I can't do this anymore. I really can't. I’m shaking, I shut my eyes.
There’s so much happening. My clothes aren't fitting right on my skin, the campfire’s heat is hitting my back and I hate it and I’m sick of the fact that I can't remember my last meal but I'm never hungry and I hate that. I’m angry. I’m so so angry. But I’m so so sad. And so so upset. And so confused and overwhelmed and anguished and many things all at once and nothing and everything and I just need a moment to fucking process.
I can't hold it in anymore, and everything I've been bottling in in for the past however long it's been(days? weeks? months?) exits me in a shuddering sob. Tears stream out, and suddenly I can’t stop. All of this stress, the stress of the entire universe on myself, the stress of avenging the Nomai, the stress of how long this has taken and dying over and over, it's all so much. I collapse in on myself, gasping. There’s not enough air to fill my lungs. Slate runs over to me, and suddenly I hear their voice in my ear and their arm on my back, failing to steady me.
“Hey, calm down, kiddo, what’s wrong?” I place my hands over my eyes to try to shove the world away. I need it all to cease to exist for a moment so I can be on my own. I have nothing left for anyone else right now, I can't bear to look at them. They aren't real. This isn't real. They’ll die in a couple of minutes. And then they'll die again. And again. And again. We all will. I scream. And it feels like there will never be a way out. And I scream more. And then the scream fizzles to a sob, and then another, and another, and I can’t stop.
What else can I even do at this point? There's no way out anyways. I lower my hands enough to see Slate’s face, and I sob even more. Everything they were passionate about was for nothing. Their work is useless now. It meant nothing. They can't understand, how could they, but I can’t do this. I feel disconnected, I am untethered, drifting further and further away from a sense of reality.
All of a sudden, I feel Slate’s arms grab me, and then they pull me into a tight hug. My head is sitting on their chest and their arms are cradling my head and torso, like a caretaker cradling a hatchling. Everything ceases for just a moment as I am pushed back to reality. I can’t help sobbing more, despite the embrace. it was as if I was pulled back down to the ground in just one instant, and the shock of it startled me.
Neither of us spoke, and instead just sat there. Eventually my sobbing quieted down and I just stared forward. Slate didn't say anything and neither did I, we sat there together in silence.
After a little while, they finally spoke. “Kiddo, what’s up? A bad dream?” Their voice was soft and gentle, their rasp present but without its usual sharpness. I choked down another cry, bracing myself to speak. I tried to think of what words I could possibly use to even begin to describe the overwhelming hopelessness I was experiencing. After a minute, I eventually decided on something, and I opened my mouth. A small voice, one I no longer recognized, spoke.
“I never wanted this.”
-
i'm not sure if I'm submitting this right, I've never done submissions before, so I'm not sure how to format this. If I need to resubmit or something, I'm sorry! Let me know and I will fix ::)
Tags-
@sawyer-is-eepy
#campfire fest #campfire fest 2024
15 notes
·
View notes