#cant you tell im mentally ill?

[ginger-thing]

"Spirit was like an actual animal. Attacking anyone in sight. If it wasn't for my buddy Wally, then I'm sure Howdy's throat would've been ripped out!" - Barnaby

[mynameis-veryfuckingconfused]

Happy Passenger Release Day Anniversary !!!

[pansyfemme]

you would hate therapists (can diagnose narcissists or "spot (them) immediatly" as you said)

btw it's. it's immediately. since you seem to need assistance. and definitely, not definitly

uh huh because i was definitly talking about people with profesional training in that post

[ganondoodle]

so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-

but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again

(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)

i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)

weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward

but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.

right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)

[thedisablednaturalist]

Tw for weight loss mention

The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.

I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.

You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?

Hell no.

I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.

I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.

This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.

I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).

The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!

And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.

I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)

Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.

[sunsetcorvid]

struggle.

[headphonegrl]

“Someone in there said something really weird.” You nod your head towards the door of the restaurant, your arms tucked around your sides in an attempt to keep all the warmth from escaping your coat. Ten minutes ago, you were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with the people you had grown up with and a part of you deep down suddenly felt fifteen again.

Kylian furrows his eyebrows together, unknowingly tilting his head slightly to one side. There’s a neon sign outside the bar next door and the red light is reflecting onto his face, tinging him scarlet. “What?”

“Just something about us.” Both of you have always come as a pair, one never without the other for as long as your memory stretches back. There was a running joke between your mothers about how you and Kylian were attached at the hip and would have to be removed by doctors. “How everyone thought we were going to get married.”  

“It’s funny.” He kicks at a block of ice that’s stuck to the pavement, his shoelaces undone on one foot. If you were both nine again, you’d lean down to tie them so they wouldn’t get tangled around the peddles of his bike. Though you’re both in your twenties now with your childhood possessions stored away collecting dust, so you just leave it. “I’ve been told that a few times.”

You raise your eyebrows. Stupidly, you’ve always believed that love wasn’t that easy to spot. That other people would never notice the glances across rooms and knees bumping together under the table. That they were sacred; like your own little secret language. “You have?” 

Kylian doesn’t reply, there’s a space of silence that’s filled by the wail of some police sirens. You’re sure if it was quiet enough he’d be able to hear your heart thumping in your chest like one of those big drums.

“How are you guys still alive?” Kylian’s girlfriend shuts the door behind her with a loud slam that makes your body jerk upwards. “It’s freezing out here.”

“My hands have gone numb.” You rub your palms together as if to exaggerate your point further, then you smile at her and she returns the gesture sweetly. Under the light of the buildings her necklace twinkles against her collarbones, a little ‘k’ covered in tiny diamonds sitting proudly in the middle of her chest. All you can do is look down at your feet. 

“This has been fun.” She loops her arm through his and presses her temple against his shoulder, closing her eyes like she could drift peacefully off to sleep. For a second, it looks so intimate that you feel like you’re watching something you shouldn’t be. “It’s been nice to meet the rest of your old friends.”

“Yeah.” Kylian is staring at you and you’re wondering if he can feel it all too: that horrible sensation that can only be compared to running parallel to a train that you’ll never be able to catch. “Old friends.”

Regret burns in your chest and it won’t leave no matter how many times you try to swallow it down. For your own comfort, you’re going to imagine that in a parallel universe somewhere you told him you loved him when you were seven and making daisy chains as he played football. That you had kissed him at that house party when you were both seventeen and dizzy from too many cheap vodka shots. Pretending is going to make this a lot less painful. Pretending is easy. “Old friends.” 

[yuridovewing]

i can tell you have blue eyes and pronouns :///

[natandacat]

The notes are so funny bc here are the 'downsides of being an only child' that are literally not unique to being an only child and more of a parenting/situational thing really:

- "It's lonely!/Siblings are built-in friends!" One of my brothers played with me out of a sense of necessity because we were not allowed to be with other kids and he deeply resented me for that, which made for a bad relationship and me being extremely alone all the time anyway. I'd rather have skipped the hatred (on his part) and heart break (on mine) and gone directly to playing alone. I have literally never had an intimate conversation with any of my 3 brothers (except literally One time with one of them) but I've had countless of horrid fights (with me or witnessed). Hell is other people, etc.

- "All the attention is suffocating!" I was monitored 24/7 and pretty much never left alone, up to a point where my bathroom time was also monitored. My brother actively and voluntarily participated in the monitoring at some points.

- "You get unconditional support as an adult!" I've been in a lot of trouble since I was 17 and they've never helped, not materially or emotionally.

-"You have more people to build happy memories with!" My brother got married 3 days before I was back in the country (he set the date way after I had bought my plane tickets and also he actively chose to hide it from me) and still blames me for being upset because "it was a ceremony for closed loved ones only anyway" (I guess I wasn't counted!). That's just the most egregious examples in a long, long list.

I get grass is greener ect but what bothers me is that it reinforces the idea that sibling relationships are *always* a net positive, in a very "nuclear family is sacred" way

Like I'm not venting for the sake of it, I've been no contact for 4 years and it's great, I'm just frustrated that it's so goddamn hard to get people to acknowledge sibling abuse, or even get them to *not* perform shocked incredulity at the idea. Especially on tumblr, THE website where people talk about parental abuse all the time and understand that sometimes you really cannot salvage the relationship and it truly is detrimental

All I'm saying is stop assuming that things would be better with a sibling around. You don't know that! Believe me, things could be so much worse with a sibling around.

The good news is you get to choose your friends and siblings as an adult! :) Life can be sweet not matter who your nuclear family is! You're not a failure for not experiencing the hegemonic ideal of siblinghood! It's okay!

[cemetery-irises]

some fun facts about frederick bc i think you were the person who was having thoughts abt him (terribly sorry if that wasn't you or if you already know these):

he has chimerism!! he consumed his twin in the womb, which caused discoloured patches on his skin, which are described as "pigmentation abnormalities" (deduction 1: voice type and deduction 3: polyphony)

he also has psychasthenia, which is "a psychological disorder characterized by phobias, obsessions, compulsions, or excessive anxiety". this disorder was the reason behind him being put in the room he stays in in the aom game. this term is no longer in use and is considered outdated but it's used in reference to him in the story, so it can be helpful in characterising him

his interests are listed as music, psychology, and occultism

his likes are listed as extreme aesthetics and people with outstanding talent; his dislikes are listed as mediocre people, pearls, and secrets being known

he's heavily implied to have been used for / reduced to his looks (description of deduction 8: rest: "aphrodite is fickle but generous."). unlike the rest of the family, who was admired for their talent, he was admired more for his appearance, as he apparently lacked the same talent that every other kreiburg did. it's unclear if he used this to his advantage to continue mingling with the upper class or if he drew away from it

in all of frederick's high-tiers, he plays a dark role: dragon hunter using his heritage as a pawn and dedicating himself to slaughtering all dragons, phantom sail being a skilled manipulator and experimenting on the people on the ship, and pioneer research being obsessive to the point of bringing his group directly into danger

there's a theory that mary's "affair" was, in truth, her reaching out to / meeting with frederick in secret after his exile, as she seems to be the only family member he has any fond memories of / relationship with

frederick's fate is currently unclear. while he's most likely deceased, it's possible that he will have a bigger role in later installments of ashes of memory. i doubt this is the last we've seen of him (coping hard tbh) and i'm personally not accepting that he's dead until we see a body

sorry for the infodump lmao </3 he's my absolute favourite of the aom crew and i'm honestly real fuckin neurodivergent abt him (not helped by my best friend who was attached to him from day one and has not shut up about him since /aff). sorry if you knew all this already i just love talking about him lmfao

no worries!! i infodump a lot to literally everybody and i also like hearing other people do it so you're all good :] i really like the theorizing of mary though, especially bc frederick seemed to REALLY be the black sheep i say this every time but his exile really genuinely makes me mad you cant just do that to him

personally i think while he used his appearance a little, he hated being known JUST for the kreiburg charm and wanted to be recognized for his skills and such and ufufjejd

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I think I accidentally made Wriothesley AuDHD. fuck

[coridallasmultipass]

Just wanna remind everyone that it's NEVER okay to tell someone to die.

You don't know how hard they're fighting to stay alive every day. Or if they don't even want to fight for that any more.

[disagigglebilities]

The interesting intersection of having both physical and mental disabilities and experience abled bodied mentally ill ableism and sane minded physically ill ableism

[achillidiot]

If i had a nicklel for everytime i ended up in a fandom where id be unironically shipping land masses kinda-accedentally, id have two nickels, which isnt alot but its weird it happened twice.

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

It's been a month since I saw your "valastor is aro4aro" meme and have been rotating it in my head

I think you're onto something here

Wait till you find out about my ace!Val hc

[bruciemilf]

let me give you biiiig hug you look like you need it 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

Tyyy