#chaotic dumbass mode

[clatterbane]

This is what we want to see!

Operating in full Tired Chaotic Dumbass mode last night when I was trying to get the new external disk set up, what did I manage to do? Wipe out the boot partition on the WRONG DRIVE. Because of course I did.

So yeah, everything else on the drive was fine, but I couldn't boot into anything there.

After a little internal screaming and more than a little cursing myself, the best plan forward looked like getting the system up and running to boot off the new drive as I had intended, downloading a Windows 11 install ISO from there, and then hauling my stupid ass to bed for a brain reset.

But, this afternoon I did successfully get a working EFI partition and Windows bootloader back on the internal drive!

That does work the same on 11.

And, a very similar procedure if you didn't manage to fuck up the whole partition like I did, but just the Windows bootloader files:

But yeah, I did test and it's booting fine now.

In an enlarged partition too, since I decided to migrate my existing MX install over onto the new drive. Because yeah they make it easy to do that:

Thankfully I had already written the (gigantic) ISO and burned it to a USB before I accidentally wiped the boot partition. Was trying to get the new drive set up for it when that happened.

[blairxbear]

How they react to you texting them for help, only to find out there's just a spider in your room...

UA Part 1 / UA Part 2 / Pro Heroes / Villains

Pure fluff, chaotic misunderstandings, and lots of over-the-top reactions!

Featuring: Katsuki Bakugo, Tamaki Amajiki, Hitoshi Shinso, Eijiro Kirishima, Mezo Shoji, Fumikage Tokoyami, Rikido Sato, Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Katsuki Bakugo

Your Text:

"Katsuki, I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!!"

His Reaction:

IMMEDIATE PANIC MODE.

Eyes widen, jaw clenches, heart rate through the roof.

Drops everything.

"FUCK—ON MY WAY."

BURSTS OUT OF HIS ROOM, BLASTING HIS WAY OVER LIKE A DAMN ACTION HERO.

Busts your door open. "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE THREAT?!"

Sees you standing on a chair, pointing at a tiny-ass spider in the corner.

Silence.

The longest, most painful silence.

His eye twitches.

"You mean to tell me… YOU TEXTED ME LIKE YOU WERE DYING… FOR A FUCKING SPIDER?!"

You nod, still scared.

He sighs so hard he might pass out.

Grumbles under his breath but still yeets the spider out the window like a pro.

Turns back to you, arms crossed. "I swear to god, (Y/N), if you ever—"

You give him big puppy eyes.

He groans, running a hand through his hair. "Tch. Whatever. But you owe me dinner for this bullshit."

(Subtly stays for a bit just to make sure no more spiders appear.)

Bonus: Next time, if you text him, he replies with, "Spider or actual emergency? Be specific, dumbass."

Tamaki Amajiki

Your Text:

"Tamaki, please come quick! I need help!"

His Reaction:

IMMEDIATE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.

Heart drops. Hands shake. He rereads the text five times.

OH GOD, WHAT IF YOU’RE BEING ATTACKED? WHAT IF YOU’RE HURT?

He doesn’t even text back—just SPRINTS OUT OF HIS ROOM.

Barges in, breathless, face PALE.

"Wh-what happened?! Are you okay?! Do you need the hospital?!"

You just shakily point at the spider on your dresser.

Tamaki.exe has stopped working.

Literal processing error.

Goes completely silent for a full ten seconds.

Blushes. A lot.

"O-oh. Uh. Th-that’s it?"

Face-palms so hard, but still takes care of the spider for you.

Cups it in his hands and gently releases it outside.

Still too embarrassed to make eye contact with you.

Mumbles, “Y-you… you scared me…”

You apologize, and he just nods, fidgeting with his sleeves.

Secretly proud he saved you, even if it was just from a spider.

Bonus: Now every time you text him, he hesitates before responding, "Is this another spider or…?"

Hitoshi Shinso

Your Text:

"Shinso, HELP ME PLEASE. COME QUICK!"

His Reaction:

Half-asleep when he sees your message.

Groans, rubs his eyes, heart already pounding.

"Shit… I’m coming."

Drags himself out of bed, throws on a hoodie, mentally preparing for battle.

Shows up at your place, yawning but READY.

Looks around. No blood. No screaming. Just you, standing on your bed.

Then you point at the spider on your wall.

He just… stares at you.

Squints. Blinks slowly.

Sucks in a deep breath.

"…I should’ve stayed in bed."

But despite his grumbling, he takes care of the spider for you.

Doesn’t even kill it—just casually flicks it out the window.

"There. Now go to sleep, you menace."

You grin at him, and he sighs, rubbing his temples.

"…I hate that I like you."

Bonus: If you ever text him for help again, he responds with, "On a scale of 1 to spider, how serious is this?"

Eijiro Kirishima 

Your Text:

"KIRI PLEASE HELP ME IT’S AN EMERGENCY!!"

His Reaction:

INSTANTLY JUMPS INTO ACTION.

Practically runs through walls to get to you.

"I’M COMING, DON’T WORRY!!!"

BURSTS IN, fists clenched, ready to fight off villains.

Sees you on the couch, looking scared.

Sees the spider on the floor.

Processing…

"…OH."

Relaxes, laughing nervously. "Haha, that’s… that’s the emergency?"

You nod frantically.

His heroic instincts kick in. "Alright, I got this!"

Gets down on one knee like he’s about to do some dramatic act of bravery.

Picks up the spider with his bare hands, grinning like an idiot.

Casually walks outside and lets it go, waving at it.

"See ya, little dude!"

Turns back to you, grinning. "Mission complete!"

Does a victory flex like he just saved an entire city.

You shake your head, laughing.

"Kiri, you’re ridiculous."

"Ridiculously manly, you mean!"

Bonus: From now on, he calls himself your “Spider Slaying Hero” and will dramatically pose every time he saves you from one.

Mezo Shoji 

Your Text:

"Shoji, HELP! I NEED YOU NOW! IT’S URGENT!"

His Reaction:

Immediate concern. His heart races.

Drops whatever he’s doing and SPRINTS to your place.

So quiet that you don’t even hear him arrive—he’s just suddenly there.

Busts open the door, multiple arms ready to block an attack.

"Where are they? Are you hurt?"

You just shakily point at the spider on the ceiling.

Pause. Processing.

Slow blink.

"…(Y/N)."

His arms all slowly lower.

You give him an innocent smile. "I panicked."

Sighs SO HARD but still removes the spider for you.

Carefully cups it in one of his hands and takes it outside.

Returns and stares at you with his signature unreadable expression.

"Next time, please specify that the ‘danger’ has eight legs."

But despite his exasperation, he still ruffles your hair gently before leaving.

Bonus: Next time you text him, he’ll reply with, "Spider again?" before even asking what’s wrong.

Fumikage Tokoyami 

Your Text:

"Tokoyami, please come quickly! It’s an emergency!"

His Reaction:

He IMMEDIATELY assumes you’re in life-threatening danger.

Dramatically sweeps his cape back and RUNS to your place.

Bursts in like some kind of gothic knight.

"Fear not, (Y/N)! I am here to vanquish your demons!"

Sees you standing on your chair, pointing at the spider.

Silence.

Dark Shadow loses it. “PFFT—A SPIDER?! THAT’S THE BIG BAD THREAT?! BWAHAHAHA!”

Tokoyami sighs deeply, shoulders dropping.

"…You summoned me for… this?"

Despite his deadpan tone, he still calmly picks up the spider and lets it outside.

Dark Shadow is STILL LAUGHING. “Bro, you looked so cool running in, and it was for A SPIDER.”

Tokoyami is trying SO HARD to keep his dignity intact.

Clears his throat. Flips his cape dramatically before turning to you.

"I shall always answer your call, (Y/N)… but next time, I request full details of the situation."

Bonus: You now have to endure Dark Shadow roasting you for a full week.

Rikido Sato 

Your Text:

"SATO, PLEASE HELP! IT’S AN EMERGENCY!!"

His Reaction:

Drops his protein shake IMMEDIATELY.

Bolts to your place, heart pounding.

Kicks open the door like he’s about to throw hands.

"ARE YOU OKAY?! WHO DO I NEED TO—"

Stops when he sees you hiding behind a chair, pointing at the wall.

Follows your gaze. Sees the spider.

Processing…

"Wait… the emergency is a spider?"

You nod. He rubs his face.

Deep sigh of relief. "Oh, man. I thought you were like… bleeding out or something."

Still smiles, though, because he finds it cute that you called him.

Squishes the spider with a napkin and throws it away.

Turns to you, arms crossed, smirking. "You owe me a cookie for that one."

(100% will stay and eat snacks with you afterward. No way he’s running over here for nothing.)

Bonus: From now on, whenever you text him, he replies, "Do I need to bring snacks, or is it just another spider?"

Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu

Your Text:

"Tetsu, PLEASE HELP ME! IT’S REALLY BAD!!"

His Reaction:

ZERO HESITATION.

"HANG ON, I’M COMIN’, BABE!"

Sprints full speed, metal hardening as he gets ready to BRAWL.

Barrels through your door like a human wrecking ball.

"WHO DO I NEED TO PUNCH?!"

Sees you clinging to your bed.

Sees the tiny spider.

Immediate 180.

"…Wait. You called me for a SPIDER?"

You nod frantically. He blinks. Then GRINS.

"HA! Alright, I got this!!"

Dramatically cracks his knuckles. Squats down like he’s preparing for an intense battle.

SLAMS his fist into the ground… and completely misses.

Spider scurries away.

"OH HELL NO, GET BACK HERE!"

You watch as he starts CHASING THE SPIDER AROUND YOUR ROOM LIKE A MADMAN.

Ends up punching a hole in the wall.

Finally smashes the spider and stands up, hands on his hips, grinning.

"MISSION COMPLETE!"

You just stare at the hole in your wall.

Tetsutetsu: "Uh… that was already there, right?"

Now you have a broken wall, but at least the spider is dead.

Bonus: Next time, he’ll still come running, but he’ll shout, "IS IT A SPIDER OR A REAL FIGHT?!" before getting there.

Ko-fi / Masterlist

blairxbear © 2024. do not copy, modify, or translate my work. you do not have permission to share my work outside of tumblr!

[sabrinajenre96]

The Shepherd Chaos:

Pairing: Derek"McDreamy" Sheprard x Sloan! Reader This Part 2 of "A typical Seattle Grey shift or... Not" it's the aftermath of the chaotic birth of McBabies.

The hospital room was buzzing with excitement.

You sat up in bed, exhausted but content, watching as your daughters, Sawyer and Harper, slept peacefully in their bassinets. Derek sat beside you, still looking like his soul had left his body.

Mark, of course, had no sympathy.

“You look like you got hit by a truck, bro.”

Derek blinked slowly. “I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

Amelia grinned. “Oh, wait until Mom gets here.”

At that moment, the door swung open, and the Shepherd matriarch walked in.

Carolyn Shepherd, the definition of grace and intimidation in one person, swept into the room, her eyes immediately landing on the bassinets.

“Oh. My. God.”

Behind her, Derek’s sisters—Nancy, Kathleen, and Liz—froze in the doorway.

Nancy was the first to recover. “Wait. Two?!”

Kathleen, genuinely baffled, turned to Amelia. “Were we missing something?”

Amelia smirked. “Ohhh, you guys missed everything.”

Carolyn, still in shock, slowly turned to you and Derek. “You had twins?”

You smiled innocently. “Surprise?”

Derek, still recovering, ran a hand down his face. “Yeah. Surprise.”

Liz’s jaw dropped. “We didn’t even know you were having one baby, let alone two!”

Amelia cackled. “Oh, it gets better.”

Carolyn, still stunned, walked straight to the bassinets. She leaned down, taking in her two new granddaughters—both with tiny noses, soft tufts of hair, and Derek’s unmistakable blue eyes.

Her face softened immediately. “Oh, they’re beautiful.”

Derek, despite being in a near-vegetative state, managed a small smile. “Yeah. They are.”

Carolyn gently lifted one of the babies, cradling her carefully. “This one is…?”

“Sawyer,” you answered.

She nodded, pressing a soft kiss to Sawyer’s tiny forehead before switching to Harper. “And this one?”

“Harper,” Derek said, voice still laced with disbelief.

Carolyn sighed contently. “My beautiful granddaughters.”

Amelia, who had way too much energy for someone who just spent the last several hours laughing at her brother’s pain, sat down dramatically. “Alright! Who wants to hear the best story of all time?”

Derek groaned. “Amy, no.”

Amelia ignored him.

“So, picture this—we’re all working, normal day, everything’s great. Then my lovely sister-in-law decides to prank all of us by faking her water breaking.”

Nancy’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait. What?”

Kathleen snorted. “I love her already.”

“Oh, it gets so much better,” Amelia continued. “She got everyone. Meredith. Cristina. Alex. Callie and Arizona. Webber. Jackson. Bailey.”

Liz gasped. “She got Bailey?”

“Oh yeah,” Amelia nodded. “And Bailey actually bought it.”

Carolyn turned to you with something like respect in her eyes. “You fooled Miranda Bailey?”

You smirked. “Twice.”

Amelia grinned. “But the best part? She saved the grand finale for these two idiots.”

She pointed at Derek and Mark.

Mark groaned. “Here we go.”

Nancy perked up. “Oh, this is going to be good.”

“It was perfect,” Amelia said, leaning forward like she was delivering the punchline of the century. “They went full meltdown mode. Derek was trying to find an ambulance IN THE HOSPITAL. Mark started yelling at random interns. It was pure chaos.”

Kathleen laughed. “That is amazing.”

Liz, grinning, turned to Derek. “Really, Der? An ambulance?”

Derek just rubbed his temples. “I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

Mark pointed at him. “That’s an understatement.”

Carolyn, genuinely amused now, smirked. “So, let me get this straight—your wife pranked you by faking labor… and then, when she actually went into labor, you didn’t believe her?”

Derek groaned into his hands. “I hate how that sounds out loud.”

Amelia burst into laughter. “But wait—there’s more! Because when they finally figured out she was serious, these two dumbasses went into full-blown panic.”

Carolyn arched a brow. “Derek?”

Derek, defeated, nodded. “I panicked.”

Mark, grinning, patted his shoulder. “I can confirm. He panicked hard.”

Derek shot him a look. “You weren’t exactly calm, Sloan.”

Amelia gasped dramatically. “Oh my God, are you trying to throw Mark under the bus? Wow. Low.”

Nancy, shaking her head, turned back to you. “And you had to deal with this while in labor?”

You smiled sweetly. “Yup.”

Kathleen sighed. “You’re a saint.”

Derek pointed at her. “Finally, someone acknowledges that.”

Carolyn, still cradling Harper, smiled warmly at you. “Well, I have to say—I don’t know if I’ve ever been this surprised. But seeing these two beautiful girls…” She gazed at her granddaughters lovingly. “This is a wonderful surprise.”

Derek’s exhaustion melted into pure adoration. “Yeah,” he murmured, looking at you and then at the babies. “It really is.”

Mark, never one to let a moment stay too serious, clapped his hands together. “Alright! So, let’s get to the real question—who do I get to corrupt first?”

Derek glared. “Neither.”

Amelia grinned. “Joke’s on you, Mark. I already called dibs on being the cool aunt.”

Mark scoffed. “Yeah, okay, good luck beating me at that.”

Cristina, who had been silently sipping her coffee in the corner, finally spoke. “Yeah, you’re both delusional.”

You laughed, shaking your head as you leaned into Derek. Your daughters were surrounded by love, laughter, and just the right amount of chaos.

This was exactly the kind of family you wanted.

And as Derek sighed in exhaustion, you couldn’t help but smirk.

Because this?

This was only the beginning.

[daddy-dins-girl]

Pedro Boys - "Zombie Apocalypse Team"

this might be my favourite one yet... keep reading for headcanons!

related posts: Pedro Boys "During a Fire Emergency" Pedro Boys "Nice Argument. Unfortunately," Pedro Boys "Don't Fuck This Up" Pedro Boys "Dad(dy) Matrix" Pedro Boys & Stabbing Pedro Boys "Lawful/Neutral/Chaotic" Pedro Boys "Feral/Sad/Angelic" Pedro Boys Respond to "I love you." Pedro Boys "Character Tropes" Pedro Boys "Gay/Depressed/Horny on Main" Pedro Boys "Dad/THOT/Bastard" Pedro Boys "bring some Coke to the party" Pedro Boys "I Want a Baby" Pedro Boys "As Babysitters" Pedro Boys "As McDonald's Dads" Pedro Boys "in a horror movie" Pedro Boys "Cinnamon Rolls" Pedro Boys "5 Kids, 3 Chairs" Pedro Boys "Playing Monopoly"

Headcanons under the cut!

Leader - Dave York. Simply put, Dave wouldn’t allow anyone else to be in charge of him, regardless if they’d be better suited for it. Some of the others follow him out of fear, others simply because they'd just prefer not to be in charge.

Brawler - Joel Miller. The muscle. Not so great with his words, much better with his fists.

Weapons Expert - Din Djarin. A bonafide space cowboy, this man has it all. Blasters, rifles, flamethrower, jet pack. Evaporating infected before they even see him coming.

Brains - Marcus Moreno. Truly the Team Leader, but he lets Dave hold the title. He has the mutual respect of everyone, is level headed and the glue that holds the whole group together. He advises Dave, but in a way that makes Dave think they’re his own ideas. Marcus doesn't need to take any credit, he just wants everyone to be safe.

Medic - Frankie "Catfish" Morales. He’s no doctor, but he's had enough basic field medical training in his military days to at least be able to patch everyone up better than anyone else on the team. He’d prefer to be the Vehicle Expert but sadly, modes of transportation in the apocalypse are hard to come by.

Moral Support - Marcus Pike. Always looking at the bright side of the apocalypse. He likes to joke “when life hands you cordyceps, make mushroom tetrazzini”.

Scientist - Ezra. Not exactly Einstein, but he knows what berries and plants are safe and which to avoid during long treks through the wilderness. He’s proven himself useful more so than not. Mostly he keeps Dieter from accidentally un-aliving himself.

Risk taker - Max Phillips. Loud and outspoken, Max's mouth is always getting the group into trouble. Good luck to any infected that tries to turn him though, his ego is so big its like a thick candy shell around the vulnerable parts of his brain.

Stealthy - Oberyn Martell. Forget sniping infected from 100 yards away, this man simply sneaks up behind them and with some flourishing footwork they're on the ground with any sharp object he could get his hands on slicing through the flesh of their throat. He's also stealthy in the way he manages to slip into the others' sleeping bags without them evening realizing at the time that they want him to, but that's a headcanon for another post...

Dumbass - Dieter Bravo. It's not that he wants to die, it's just that he seems to occasionally forget that he can't just eat the fungus as if it came in a Ziplock bag that he use to pay 40 bucks a pop for.

Badass - Javier Peña. This man just continuously takes down infected as if they might actually come to an end. He knows that as quickly as he takes down one colony, four more spring up, but he's stubborn and refuses to stop trying, regardless of how tired he is of it all.

Mascot - Javi Gutierrez. He is babygirl. To be protected at all costs.

Distraction - Jack "Whiskey" Daniels. A real root-tootin, gun-blazin cowboy. Jack never needs to be asked twice to go put on a spectacle in the middle of an open field, gathering all the attention so the rest of the group can flank all sides under brush cover. He seems to have nine lives too, narrowly escaping death more times than any other. And he can handle his own. He argued for the spot of Weapons Expert but ultimately was swayed when he realized being the distraction actually meant being the center of attention.

Stereotype - Pero Tovar. One look at this man screams "if anyone was going to survive a zombie apocalypse, it's him"

Sacrifice - Dio. Look, it was his idea. The weird part was that nobody even asked him to.

First Dead - Eddie. It's just facts. In a long line of Pedro Boys deaths, someone had to be first.

Reply or reblog with your own headcanons, I'd love to hear them :)

[jungkoode]

I just need to ask; how do you nail dialogue so well ??? like I feel like rogue and nix are SO real people???

OKAY wait this is such a good question THANK YOU FOR NOTICING THE DIALOGUE I COULD SOB.

I’ll be so real with you… for FMU!Jungkook—aka Rogue—I basically just let my brain slide into fratboy-himbo-no-thoughts-just-vibes mode. Like. Man is a golden retriever with a tragic backstory and a sex drive. He’s a little emotionally constipated, a lot performative bravado, and under all the dumbass energy he’s just soft in that boyish “I don’t know how to talk about my feelings so here’s a forehead kiss and a nervous joke” way. The type to forget he left the oven on but remember your coffee order from a year ago. He’s trying. He’s just made of broken things and duct tape and dimples.

As for FMU!Y/N—Nix—listen. That is my inner feral 20-year-old gremlin, no notes. Like, the sarcastic, stubborn, emotionally repressed, slightly unhinged version of me that hadn’t touched therapy yet and thought “I’m fine” was a personality trait. Except she’s got bite. She talks back. She protects herself with claws out. She’ll cry and then deny it thirty seconds later. She’s messy and sharp and reckless and real. And I guess writing her feels like giving voice to a version of myself that was always too scared to be that loud. It’s cathartic and chaotic and i love her dearly.

SO uhhh yeah. Basically Rogue is my inner golden retriever boy and Nix is my inner feral cat girl??? And I just let them talk to each other and hope they don’t kill each other in the process.

Thank you for caring about these two disasters. I cherish you.

[yokumirumerafan]

Bakugo x y/n (sibling AU)

OK hey hey! good morning/day/afternoon! This is a little writing by me cuz it was the first thing that came to my head in the morning! Enjoy reading Merafan fic <33

Big Brother Bakugo Headcanons: The Tsundere Menace

💥 Acts Like He Doesn’t Care, But Absolutely Does 💥

Bakugo will never admit he gives a damn, but you best believe he’s the first to throw hands if someone messes with his little sibling. If Y/N gets bullied? Those kids better have good health insurance. He won’t say anything about it afterward, but Y/N knows.

If Y/N asks him to make food, he’ll scoff and be like, “Tch. Make it yourself, dumbass.” Ten minutes later, a plate of freshly cooked food is slammed in front of them, and Bakugo just walks off like he didn’t just put in Michelin-star effort.

If Y/N stays out late? Expect a million texts: “WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!” followed by, “Whatever. I wasn’t worried.” (He absolutely was.)

💀 Bakugo vs. Y/N’s Crush – A Battle of Pure Judgment 💀

If anyone so much as looks at Y/N romantically, Bakugo has two default reactions: 1️⃣ Laughs in their face. “You? Pft. You think you have a chance? You’re already enough of a clown.” 2️⃣ Disbelief mode activated. “Them? The hell kinda delusion are you living in? No. Just—no.”

If Y/N actually likes the person, he’ll grudgingly tolerate it, but will still intimidate them at every opportunity. Expect intense side-eye at family dinners.

💥 Secretly the Most Protective Big Bro™ 💥

Y/N gets sick? Bakugo grumbles while making the best soup known to mankind.

Someone badmouths Y/N? Bakugo’s already cracking his knuckles.

If Y/N is ever truly sad, he actually shuts up. Instead of yelling, he just sits beside them and mutters, “Talk to me, dumbass.” No insults, no shouting—just his way of saying he’s there. If Y/N is crying, he’ll awkwardly pat their head and say, “Don’t do dumb shit like that again, alright?” (Translation: You’re important, don’t you dare leave me.)

🤣 Y/N Calls Him ‘Baka’ Just to Watch Him Rage 🤣

Y/N lives for calling Bakugo ‘Baka’ and watching him explode.

“QUIT CALLING ME THAT, YOU GREMLIN.”

“Baka.”

“I SWEAR TO—”

It’s their little sibling bond, and deep down? Bakugo lets them get away with it. But if anyone else calls him that? Immediate death glare.

Big bro Bakugo: a chaotic, loud, overprotective menace, but deep down? The best sibling you could ask for. 🧡🔥

[i-have-dots-in-my-brain]

HETALIA NEIGHBORHOOD AU 2

Kiku has a conspiracy theory board with video game theories on it + the entire fnaf timeline.

When a new game releases Kiku brings everybody over to his house to play it ( or to have a party when it’s not multiplayer.) Francis and Arthur get way too competitive and it’s usually ended by Alfred and Kiku sharing a win (RUSAME WARNING) while Ivan applauds his little dumbass golden retriever husband ( Alfred)

Ivan collects windchimes.

Romano has green thumb (for like all flowers) so Francis and Arthur both come crawling to him for advice on how beat the other (they’re trying to grow flowers better and the other) and they pay him. This is how he makes money.

Whenever the adults have to go a party they make Kiku and Yao babysit. The kids have gotten so attached to the point where they call them big bro Kiku and big bro Yao.

Francis and Arthur both are addicted to Starbucks so they have get up early and drive together and they usually spend at least 5 min arguing about who drives.

Alfred and Ivan have a cat. His name is hero and he is a random stray that they found one day. We’re pretty sure he’s like half golden retriever because he sure acts like one.

Iceland has a little puffin plushie he calls mr puffin ( this au’s version)

Matthew will command his polar bear to bite you if you steal one of his garden gnomes (kumajiro is the polar bear)

The garden gnomes Matthew keeps represent people in the neighborhood. (Not like voodoo just like keepsakes)

Kiku is always trying to share his theories with everyone that stops by. If you’re unlucky you might be dragged into his house and be forced to listen to the entire lore of fnaf.

Whenever Yao’s cousins/younger siblings come over they always have a house party and they usually bring over some of the weirdest things they found online or on the streets as presents. Ex. leon once brought a lucky cartoon cat head (the lucky cats that wave their paws) that you could attach to a hook.

Alfred has a list of dumb laws that he has broken ex.sitting on the church steps at 10:00pm and eating a porkchop. It’s his hobby.

Alfred has been caught for using various unethical modes of transportation to drive but the cops haven’t arrested him because they can’t catch up to him.

Sealand and Iceland have a dress up darling rivalry (the game)

Alfred is wanted by the police in portugal.

If you knock on Ivan and Alfred’s door depending on who’s there you will get different results. Alfred (no Ivan) : he’ll let you borrow his skateboard or he’ll give you some fresh baked cookies. Ivan (no Alfred) : he’ll invite you in and tell you a story. If they’re both there : Alfred will offer you fresh baked apple pie with vanilla ice cream while Ivan tells you a story.

DND

Pretty much the entire neighborhood is involved in a dnd game except for Yao and Kiku ( they have to baby sit but they play sometimes)

Alfred - Dragonborn wizard named Peaches ( neutral good)

Kiku - tiefling rogue named noodles. ( chaotic evil)

Arthur - DM, likes to try to kill Francis’s character at every turn.

Francis - elf bard named Ferdinand

(Chaotic good )

Ludwig - dwarf paladin named Giusto (lawful good)

Feliciano - halfling bard named theory (neutral neutral)

Ivan - tabaxi Druid named kitti (lawful evil)

Yao - half elf cleric (lawful neutral)

(Make your own up for the rest im too lazy)

[the-traitorous-prince]

(Sorry I didn't ask anonymously whoever controlled this blog...)

Hey,Mk how have you been? I am really worried for now, I hope your okay :> I'll be ur friend if u want too 😄

Deep breath

I AM OBJECTIVALLY NO LONGER TERRIBLE

Ok yeah things are pretty rough, but I'm doing ok. Ok ish.

I'm-I'm surviving. Not dead yet.

We've kinda figured out. A little bit at least.

We, uh, ran into Ao Lie? There was this whole thing with a wolfman. He's fine we think. It was all pretty chaotic, but Mei stole a ton of shit from the wolf guy and so we have money now.

And we think we know where to find Pigsy! So thats... Something.

But dad is going to be in demon mode, and I don't know how that'll go. Tang wasn't exactly nice, but he was pretty harmless. He wasn't going to hurt anyone, besides maybe himself by being a bit of a...

I know it's impolite to say about a well respected monk, so I'm just going to quote Mei here.

She said he was "A bit of a dumbass."

Take that as you will.

Which isn't shocking. There personalities are different but it makes sense that Tang is the reincarnation of Tang Sanzang. They have a lot of similarities, and the same temperment.

So I'm a bit scared of what my dad is going to be like.

A powerful demon with my fathers temperament is a kinda terrifying prospect.

But I'm sure it'll be fine!

Yeah...

Yeah....

IT'LL ALL BE FINE

[lifesver]

wasted so much time assigning the tcsm friend group/my friends' muses as ffxiv classes:

leland - paladin boy i shan't lie. just some guy with a sword and shield that is very devoted. he's your offtank that stands beside u and puts cover on the main tank or the healer or dps to take the hit and is like [coughing up blood with 8 vuln stacks] im good (: also bc standing in front of the squad w paladin protective light wings goes crazy. paladins aren't always the best main tanks but they are great support offtanks and have a ton of healing/shielding abilities like intervention. can take the heat off you by redirecting damage that u would have taken straight onto himself. tank stance called iron will (: he could also be a gunbreaker bc thancred sexy dumbass gnb energies but i just dont think we should let him have a gun.

connie - machinist or summoner - i just think that connie should get to have a gun that she built herself and also automaton queen to defend her who she also built herself. machinists are specialist dps that are not very tanky bc they're phys ranged but they do big numbers. they're versatile and mobile and also she gets a flamethrower and poison? also ability called wildfire teehees. mch whole thing is just rebelling against the lame people who dont want u to invent new shit but u do it anyway. i think she could also be a summoner bc she gets a lil carbuncle bestie. and yeah the weapon is a book but she can summon the primals like a big phoenix nbd. also a lot of party utility in that she can buff the team's attack and healing, resurrect people, and heal.

danny - dark knight - danny (renee's danny TO BE CLEAR) is a tank be so for real. the whole dark knight thing is no matter what i will always be with you protecting you. not to call him out but you have to be Inherently Going Through it to even be a dark knight. it's also like, the rebel tank class compared to the more royal guard types... their tank stance is also called 'grit'. their visual theming is all shadowy but in the most 'i love u i am ur tank' way. u can summon fray who is like shadow u to fight with u. u can put the blackest night on ur teammates to protect them. also ur invuln ability? it's called living dead and you straight up have to die to activate it and if the timer runs out without u getting healed u fuckin Die for real. but if you do enough dps to heal urself/ur healers care u you come back to life with even more dps

maria - white mage - white mage is a nature magic healer, who can channel elements and light, and is the strongest pure healer in the game. earliest whm quests are about going around healing dark places in nature and being in tune w the natural world. also got some holy energies bc ur abilities turn to bright light at a later level. uses light magic angel wings to protect their team and can summon a big flower that heals everyone. uses lilies to heal teammates, which powers up the b l o o d l i l y bar so u can cast afflatus misery and nuke an enemy after you do a certain amount of healing. whm rly like The Most Healer but also every whm i know including me goes a bit sadistic sometimes bc we do super big dps for a healer- anyway

donnie - gunbreaker - wait the truth is donnie is the sexy foolish thancred energy required to be a gunbreaker. ur weapon? a gun that's also a sword that shoots magic rounds that come from ur own aether/life force bro. gnbs have a lot of utility and are more dps-y thank some other tanks are. all the gnb mains i know are chaotic tbh. idk their abilities also go sicko mode w the names. demon edge? demon slaughter? no mercy? brutal shell? heart of light/heart of stone/heart of corundum? also superbolide is their invulnerability and u know what u do? u shoot urself with ur own gun go down to 1hp and are invincible for a time. gunbreakers are like bodyguards for hire in their story they are kind of doing their own thing and sticking to loyalty to their homies which feels donnie. to be fair i can also see bard bc musician moment but i also see dragoon bc chaotic melee player vibes. dragoons are called floor tanks for a reason bc they are tanking the floor dead-

johnny - warrior bc warriors pull up with their giant battle axe are feral and unkillable and then they hit that rage mode (inner release/infuriate etc) where their eyes go red and their dps skyrockets. they have literally so many mitigations that heal both themselves and their teammates that usually scale in healing by how much damage they do to an enemy. like mmm blood. delicious. im so for real tho when im healing a warrior in a dungeon they pull wall to wall enemies and i barely have to heal them if they're good. their abilities are called shit like shake it off, bloodwhetting, onslaught, berserk, primal rend, decimate, thrill of battle, overpower, u see what im getting at bro. also their tank stance is called defiance. ur just going sicko mode but also ur protecting ur homies.

ana - monk or warrior - i know that ana is A Tank but i don't know if any of them are truly The Vision. but melee dps are basically tanks and have the highest aggro so like. if the tanks die the boss immediately turns around to beat ur ass-- no but monks are very versatile. they are tanky martial artists who also provide team utility and have a lot of ways of healing/protecting themselves. all the monk players i know will be surviving shit they never should have survived i will tell u that. anyway i think she could also be a warrior bc warriors never die they have 50435345245 mitigations and they can also protect their their team. pain is nothing bitch-

sonny - scholar - sonny is giving 'tired but dedicated shield healer' energy so sincerely. scholars weapon is a book, their intellect, and a fairy summon that heals the team. scholar is a technical class with a lot of versatility and utility, can buff the team, can make em run super fast to escape boss mechs, can put down giga shields, can clutch save ur dumbass tanks life. can cover a lot of areas, do a bit of everything. i also think it's so cute to think of sonny w his little fairy eos/selene.

julie - dancer - julie is fr sure dancer bc everyone wants to be dance-partnered by her bc being dance partner means she gives you special buffs. and also she's hot. dancer is also super team utility focused, they do less damage overall in exchange for buffing her teammates, being able to heal and shield as well. very mobile, uses funky chakrams for weapons. playing dancer is hilarious sometimes im like [dancing and crying while my teammates are dying around me]

if danny gaines was here he would probably be machinist tbh as you can see i put effort in here-

[houseofaegon]

Sweet Treats and Side Effects ✩ Bob Reynolds pt. 2

Pairings: Bob Reynolds x Thunderbolt!Reader

Warnings: +18 SMUT MINORS DNI. use of y/n, bob reynolds x fem!reader, found family, accidental aphodisiac, chaotic prank war, slow-burn, mutual pining, thunderbolts frat house energy, dubious influence (consensual but under a magical substance), yelena’s chaotic best friend energy, unprotected p in v, overstimulation, rough sex, multiple orgasms, oral (f receiving), praise kink, slight dom!bob, bob whimpering!!! (yes godddddd), feral!bob, emotional vulnerability, post-sex fluff.

Summary: When Yelena kicks off her next move in the Thunderbolts prank war with a bag of questionable aphrodisiac chocolates, you agree to help her “prank” Bucky Barnes into a very inconvenient eight-hour erection. Unfortunately, Bob Reynolds gets there first. Now the most powerful man in the tower is red-faced, sweating, and very, very desperate for one thing—and it’s not chocolate. It’s you. And when the side effects kick in full-force, you’ll have to decide if you’re helping your friend… or completely, shamelessly indulging his deepest, filthiest desires. Chaos. Horny chocolate. Yelena being the worst. And Bob being the sweetest, softest, most absolutely feral man alive.

Author's Note: this is part 2!! part 1 is linked below <3 if you want to be added to the taglist just comment<3 thank you all for the immense support and love you've been giving me these past few days, writing bob has been an absolute dream and I am honestly so obsessed with him and the thunderbolts!!! i can't wait to keep writing more bob fics and also bucky fics <3 stay tuned!! thx for all the love, I appreciate it so so so much! im actually going feral for bob you guys have no idea!! i love him and it hurttttsssssssssss <333

masterlist. part 1. part 2.

Yelena clapped her hands. “We’re so fucked.”

“You think?” you snapped, dropping the bag on the couch like it burned you.

“Okay, okay,” Yelena said, immediately shifting into disaster mode. She began pacing in frantic circles like a small, angry general. “We just wait it out. Hide him somewhere. It’ll pass. Probably.”

“What?! We can’t do that—”

“What do you want me to do?” she snapped. Then she turned to Bob, voice oddly chipper. “Hey Bobby, you’re gonna have to lock yourself in your room tonight and, um… well, I hope your hand doesn’t cramp.”

“Oh my god,” you groaned.

“I—I—uh—” Bob stammered. Bob tugged at his collar again, now visibly sweating. His curls were sticking to his forehead. His cheeks were flushed. His pupils? Big. HUGE. Like he was staring at a plate of lasagna and you were the lasagna. “I-I think I might be… having an allergic reaction?” he said, voice climbing an octave.

“Oh god, Bob, I’m so sorry." You glared at Yelena. "We are sorry.”

Yelena leaned in, squinting at him like he was a science project. “How do you feel?”

Bob looked between you both. “Like my skin is… humming? And I feel warm. Everywhere. My bones are warm. Is that—normal? Should my bones feel like this?”

Yelena snorted. “Oh yeah. You’re absolutely boned.”

You glared. “Not helping.”

Bob whimpered softly and wiped his forehead with the hem of his shirt. Which revealed his stomach. And a good few inches of solid, golden muscle.

Abs. Solid, golden, damp abs. You could’ve passed away on the spot and filed no complaints.

Yelena spun on her heel so fast you swore you heard cartilage crack. “Oookay. That’s my cue. This is your problem now.”

You blinked. “My problem? You poisoned him!”

“He poisoned himself! I left a booby trap, not a buffet!”

“Yelena—”

“Nope!” she interrupted, grabbing your shoulders like a hostage negotiator. “You’re taking him to his room. Now. Before he starts humping the couch cushions.”

“Why me?!”

“Because.” She pointed dramatically. “You’re the object.”

“…What object?”

She looked you dead in the eye. “The object of desire, dumbass.”

Bob groaned softly. “Y/N?”

You turned to look at him—and oh. The look in his eyes. Desperate. Unfiltered. Hungry in a way that made your thighs clench and your brain scream danger, danger, this is a six-foot-five nuclear sunbeam with incredible abs who wants to rail you into the drywall.

“I’m gonna pass out,” you whispered.

“No you’re not,” Yelena said brightly, shoving you toward him. “You’re gonna take Bob to his room and lock the door and not open it until he’s either back to normal or fully wrecked.”

“Yelena!”

She gave you two thumbs up and a wink. “Godspeed, slut.”

"I fucking hate you."

"You'll thank me later, babe," she winked. "Now go before Bucky comes. I can't lose this fucking prank."

You muttered curses under your breath as you grabbed Bob’s arm. His skin was hot—burning hot. Not in a fever way. In a someone poured sunlight into this man’s bloodstream kind of way.

“Okay, Bob,” you said gently, guiding him toward the hallway. “We’re going to your room now. You’re gonna lie down. Maybe breathe. Maybe not combust.”

He followed obediently, but every so often he whimpered. Whimpered.

“I feel… weird,” he murmured. “Everything’s… loud. And you smell really… really good.”

Your heartbeat punched a hole through your chest. “Oh. Thanks. That’s just… body wash?”

Bob smiled, “Smells like heaven. You smell like you.”

“Okay, okay,” you muttered, opening the door to his room and gently pulling him inside. “Just sit down. It’ll pass. You just need to—”

But Bob didn’t sit.

When you got him inside and shut the door behind you, he was already pulling off his shirt.

“Whoa—Bob—what are you—”

“It’s—so hot. I can’t—God, I’m sorry—” he gasped, tugging the fabric over his head. His chest was damp. His abs were glowing. His chest rose and fell rapidly, every line of muscle taut, shimmering.

Mouthwatering.

His abs looked carved. Like someone designed them in Blender and forgot to turn the realism setting off.

“I feel like—my skin’s burning,” he panted. “I feel—like I need so-something. Someone."

That last word came out like a confession.

Bob was gorgeous. In the quiet, tragic way. All softness and stormclouds. Not traditionally confident like Bucky or smirking like Walker. Not cocky. Not deliberate. Just undeniable. All gold and power and bashful energy coiled too tight. A man who always held himself back—until now. And right now, he looked wrecked. Like he was about to burn alive in his own skin. Like he was about to shatter from wanting you.

His shirt hit the floor like it needed to be gone.

Bob stood there, flushed and trembling, chest rising and falling so fast you thought he might hyperventilate. Every line of him was tension—drawn tight like a bowstring, glittering with sweat. His hair clung to his forehead, curls damp, eyes wild. Hungry.

“Bob,” you said carefully, your back hitting the door behind you. “You need to sit down. Just breathe.”

“I can’t,” he choked out. “I can’t, Y/N, I—God—my skin, it’s burning. It hurts.”

Your breath caught.

He took a shaky step forward, like he wasn’t sure his legs would carry him. “It hurts, Y/N. It hurts so much. I—I need to touch you. Please. Please touch me. I need you. I need—fuck, I need you so bad it’s killing me.”

Your back hit the wall. Your legs nearly gave out. You could barely breathe. Your heart wasn’t beating—it was pounding, a violent, panicked rhythm like it was trying to break through your ribcage and escape your chest entirely.

“Bob…” you said, hands half-raised like you might have to catch him or hold him back or—God—pull him closer. “I don’t think this is a good idea. You’re under the influence of the chocolate and—”

His head snapped up.

And the man standing in front of you? Was not the soft-spoken, fumbling Bob who apologized to doorknobs. Not the Bob who ducked his head and blushed every time you complimented his curls. Not the Bob who stammered through “hi” like it was a sacred prayer.

“No,” he growled—growled, from the back of his throat. “Don’t you dare chalk this up to a piece of fucking chocolate.”

His voice had dropped—deeper, rougher, unsteady but sure. It wasn’t shy. It wasn’t hesitant. It was possessed.

Your breath caught.

Sweet little Bob had left the building.

And whatever had taken his place—this version of him with sharp eyes and a wild edge—was looking at you like you were the only thing in the world keeping him alive. He was vibrating with energy, with restraint stretched to the breaking point. He looked like he was one second away from devouring you whole.

He stepped closer. Slow. Deliberate. Like a man who knew exactly what he wanted and had finally stopped pretending otherwise.

“I’ve wanted you for months,” he said, voice low and ragged. “Every time you laugh, I get hard. Every time you touch me—even just my fucking shoulder—I have to lock myself in the shower and jerk off with your name in my mouth like a prayer.”

Your lips parted in a silent gasp.

“I dream about you,” he continued, voice splintering like a dam breaking. “Full-body, soul-wrecking dreams where I make you come until you’re crying. Where I ruin you slow, until all you know is me. My mouth, my cock, my hands. Me.”

You whimpered.

Bob took another step, and your bodies almost touched. Your breath mingled with his. The heat pouring off him made your skin tingle. His eyes locked on yours—burning, wild, aching.

“I think about your mouth every time I touch myself,” he confessed. “I imagine how you’d moan. How you’d scream with my head between your thighs.”

You squeezed your legs together instinctively, and he noticed—his eyes dropped and lingered, jaw tight, nostrils flared.

“And right now?” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Right now, I’m losing my fucking mind. Not because of this fucking chocolate. Because you’re here. You’re real. And all I want is to get on my knees and worship your pussy until you’re begging me to stop. I want to fuck you until your legs shake and your voice breaks from screaming my name.”

You felt like you were unraveling from the inside out.

“I want you bent over, whimpering,” he said. “I want your nails in my back. I want to feel you pulsing around me while you tell me how good I’m making you feel. I want to make you forget every man who ever tried. Because they’re nothing compared to what I’ll give you.”

His voice cracked then—emotion cutting through the heat like lightning.

“Please, Y/N. I'm begging you. I need you," he whimpered. "I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

The room was silent.

The air between you pulsed.

And you—wrecked, trembling, soaked down your thighs and holding onto your last shred of composure—nodded once.

“Then take me,” you whispered.

And Bob—once sweet, shy Bob—let out a sound so low and broken it made your entire body shiver.

Bob’s mouth was on yours before you could breathe his name again. It wasn’t soft. It wasn’t sweet. It was hungry. Like he’d been dreaming of this and finally got to eat.

His hands were shaking as they cupped your cheeks, as he kissed you with lips that trembled—not from fear, but from desperate restraint. He kissed you like he wanted to pour his soul into your mouth, licked into you like he needed your taste to survive.

“God,” he moaned between kisses, “your lips—fuck—been thinking about this for so long—”

You were breathless already. You gripped your shirt and yanked it over your head. The second your top hit the floor, he froze.

“Oh… my god,” he breathed. His eyes were wide, taking you in like a man starved. Looking at you like you were an angel. Mouth parted like he forgot how to use it. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, completely wrecked. “I—fuck—Y/N, you’re unreal.”

Then he dropped to his knees. Not knelt. Dropped. And dragged your pants and underwear down so fast you felt dizzy.

“Let me taste you,” he begged, kissing the inside of your thigh. “Please, I need—I’ve needed this for so fucking long.”

He kissed up your thigh. Again. And again. Little gasps and moans slipping from him just from the anticipation.

“Been thinking about this every night,” he said, breath hot against your inner thigh. “How you’d sound. How you’d taste. Please—please—please let me make you come.”

You tangled your fingers in his hair, breath catching. “Bob—please.”

He didn’t need more. His tongue met your pussy and moaned. Into you. Like he was tasting divinity.

He licked slow at first—long, broad strokes, tasting every inch like he’d waited years for this. He flattened his tongue and dragged it from your entrance to your clit, groaning like you were feeding him something forbidden.

“Fuck,” he gasped. “You taste so good—I knew it—I knew you’d taste like this—so fucking sweet.”

And then he lost it.

His mouth closed around your clit and he sucked, licked, devoured. One of his arms wrapped around your thigh to hold you there while he pressed in deeper, messier, louder.

You cried out—your legs shook—and Bob whimpered and groaned against you like it made him harder.

“Want you to come,” he gasped between licks. “Please, I need you to come—need to feel it—please, Y/N—please.”

And you did.

You came so hard against his mouth, your knees buckled.

Your whole body jerked, muscles clenching, your hands fisting his curls as the world dissolved behind your eyelids. You moaned his name—half-chant, half-cry—and your legs started to give out.

But Bob didn’t let you fall.

His hands were iron around your thighs, keeping you upright, anchored, his mouth still on you, licking, tasting, fucking devouring you through it. He whimpered into your pussy like he couldn’t get enough, moaned like he was coming from the taste alone.

And even as you trembled, even as your knees went soft and your breath hitched and your body shook, he didn’t stop.

“Y-You—Bob—too much—” you gasped.

He moaned in response, lapping at your clit again, messy now, licking through your arousal like he’d never tasted anything better.

“You’re so perfect,” he mumbled against your cunt. “So fucking sweet—can’t stop—don’t want to stop—please, give me one more—just one more—”

“Bob—”

“You come like you’re made for it,” he groaned. “You come like my mouth was meant to be here.”

Your vision blurred.

You screamed as another orgasm rocked through you, your thighs clamping around his head, hips grinding into his face—and he just held you tighter, moaned louder, shook from how hard he was eating you out, absolutely feral from your taste.

You didn’t even realize you were crying until he pulled back, panting, mouth glistening, cheeks flushed.

And his eyes—fuck.

They were wild. Desperate. Like he was clinging to reality by a thread made of you.

“I can’t,” he gasped, pressing his forehead to your thigh, still kneeling. “I can’t—I was gonna go slow, I wanted to—fuck, I wanted to make love to you but I can’t—I’m so fucking hard, Y/N, I need to be inside you—please—please.”

You slid your fingers into his hair, tilting his face up.

“I don’t want slow,” you said. “I want you ruined. I want you rough. I’ve always wanted you.”

That snapped him. He surged to his feet in one motion, grabbed you by the waist like you were weightless, and carried you to the bed.

You didn’t even register how fast he moved. You just hit the mattress with a gasp, thighs spread, already arching as he fumbled with his sweats, pulled them off, and—Oh god.

You whimpered.

He was huge. Flushed, leaking, thick and veined and so fucking hard it looked painful.

“Birth control?” he asked, voice hoarse.

You nodded fast, breathless. “Yeah—yes—on it—”

His eyes darkened. And then he was on you. He pushed your legs open with hands that trembled, lined himself up with your soaked entrance, and paused—just for a second, just to take a look at you underneath him, his eyes softened for a second.

Then he slammed in.

You both screamed. Bob’s voice cracked into a moan so deep, so wrecked, it felt like it went straight to your core.

“Oh—fuck—” he gasped. “You’re—fuck, you’re so wet—so tight—I’m not gonna last—I’m gonna fucking die—”

He pulled out and thrust back in hard—deep—and you both sobbed. You were already shaking from the overstimulation, but your pussy clamped around him like it needed him, like it had been waiting for this. Bob braced over you, driving in again and again, hips snapping, every thrust brutal and perfect.

“Made for me,” he groaned. “You were made for me—taking me so good—look at you—fuck, look at your face—”

You cried out, clutching at his back, nails raking down as he pounded into you. “Harder,” you begged. “Please—harder—need it—”

Bob whimpered, hips snapping faster, his whole body jerking with effort. “You feel so good,” he gasped. “So fucking good—I’m gonna make you come again—I have to feel it—please—please—”

He reached between you, rubbing your clit, fingers slippery, lips brushing your cheek.

“You gonna come again?” he whispered, panting. “Gonna soak my cock, baby? Come all over me?”

You nodded frantically.

Then it hit.

Your orgasm slammed through you and Bob felt it—his cock pulsing deep inside you, your pussy clenching around him so tight he choked on a moan.

“Fuck—fuck—I’m gonna—”

“Do it,” you gasped. “Come inside me.”

He cried out. And came. Hard.

You felt it—hot, deep, endless—his hips twitching, his body shaking above you as he gasped your name over and over again.

He collapsed over you, still inside, panting, trembling. You both lay there in a haze of sweat and come and ruin, bodies tangled, hearts racing.

“…Yelena’s never gonna let me live this down,” you muttered.

Bob snorted into your neck, leaving a soft kiss.

“I’ll thank her later," he chuckled. "That chocolate was insane.”

You laughed, voice hoarse. “I might buy more,” you whispered.

He lifted his head. Smiled. Kissed you like it was the only truth that mattered.

The room smelled like sex and sweat and victory.

Bob lay sprawled over you, a gloriously ruined golden weight, his curls damp with sweat, his breath brushing your neck in soft, contented huffs. One of his arms was slung around your waist like he was afraid you'd float away. The other was buried beneath your back, holding you close, chest to chest.

You blinked up at the ceiling, your brain still trying to reboot after… whatever the fuck that had been.

“Okay,” you mumbled, voice scratchy, “note to self… never eat the whole chocolate. Also, never let Yelena but anything off the internet again."

Bob laughed—a real one, low and breathy and wrecked. “I blacked out for, like… a third of that. I’m not convinced I’m still alive.”

You turned your head slowly to look at him. “You died and came back with your tongue inside me.”

His groan vibrated against your ribs. “Best afterlife ever.”

You giggled, rolling into his chest, letting your leg fall over his hip. He gathered you closer, skin-on-skin, soft and safe and sore in the best way imaginable.

Then he pulled back slightly to look at you—really look at you.

And his expression changed.

Gone was the desperation, the heat. What remained was just… Bob. Open. Unshielded. Soft and sweet in a way that made your chest ache.

“I meant it,” he said softly.

You blinked. “Meant what?”

He tucked your hair behind your ear. His thumb brushed your cheek with an almost reverent tenderness. “That I’ve always wanted you.”

Your heart cracked open.

You let out a breathless laugh. “I meant it too. I just… didn’t think it would happen after you ate a sex chocolate meant for Bucky Barnes.”

He grinned. “Plot twist.”

You both broke into breathless laughter, arms tangling, legs still wrapped together like puzzle pieces. The kind of post-orgasmic delirium that made everything feel warm and stupid and safe.

Then—

BANG.

The door slammed open with the force of a SWAT raid.

Bob yelped and curled into the fetal position against you like a traumatized golden retriever. You yanked the sheet up so fast it nearly decapitated him, clutching it to your chest as if cotton was a force field against chaos.

Yelena stood in the doorway like a storm god.

Messy hair. Fuzzy socks. An iced coffee in one hand that probably had more vodka than caffeine, and a half-eaten toaster pastry in the other. Glitter still dusted the side of her face from some unspeakable prank she’d either initiated or survived.

She looked unhinged.

“OH. MY. GOD,” she announced. “YOU DID IT.”

“YELENA—WHAT THE FUCK?” you shrieked. "You were here when it happened!”

“Yes,” she said, stepping inside like she owned the place, “but then I left. Because I told you to lock Bob in his room, keep him quiet, and not ruin my very expensive, very evil prank against Bucky. And guess what I heard ten minutes later?”

She pointed at Bob like she was naming a suspect.

“Moaning.”

Bob made a noise like a dying ghost and disappeared back under the covers.

“Then I hear thumping,” she continued, now pacing. “Groaning. Screaming. Furniture moving. Bucky comes out of the gym for his post-workout fridge raid and he goes, ‘Is Bob okay? It sounds like he’s dying.’”

You slapped your own forehead.

“And I—” Yelena pointed dramatically at her chest “—had to tell him, and I quote, ‘Bob accidentally ate a sex chocolate and is now experiencing heightened symptoms of horny distress. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR.’”

She turned to Bob, deadpan.

“You cockblocked my prank.”

“I didn’t know!” Bob cried from under the sheets.

“I told her to lock you up!” she snapped. “You were not supposed to be the sacrifice!”

“You literally told me to take him to his room and ‘lock the door until he’s fully wrecked!’" you shrieked.

Yelena paused. Blinked.

“…Yeah, okay, I said that. But I meant emotionally! I didn’t think you were gonna split him in half!”

Bob groaned again.

Yelena took a long sip of her drink. Stared at both of you. Then sighed deeply, dramatically, like a sitcom dad staring into the void.

“Anyway. I’m mad. Obviously. Bucky didn’t eat the chocolate. He’s not going to get horny and embarrassed and cause a week-long war of retaliatory chaos. My prank is ruined. I'm officially a loser, thanks to you pair of losers.”

Then she smiled. Big and wicked.

“But…” She nodded toward the bed. “You two? Finally fucked. And judging by the sound barrier violations I heard through two walls, it was great.”

You buried your face in your hands.

Bob let out a weak, “It was transcendent.”

Yelena nodded solemnly. “Good. If anyone deserved transcendence, it’s Bob.” She sipped again. “Anyway. Don’t mind me. Just here to bask in the unholy bed vibes and emotionally process the death of my prank.”

She turned to leave—then paused in the doorway.

“Oh. You're welcome, both of you. You're gonna have to buy me some expensive gift as a thank you for," she pointed at both of you dramatically," whatever this was. Also, you’re gonna want to clean the headboard and change the bedsheets. There's uh… yeah. Carry on, sluts.”

Then she vanished.

You groaned into the mattress.

“…I’m gonna change my name,” Bob mumbled into your shoulder. “Move to Canada. Grow a beard. Dye my hair black. Never speak again. She's the reason why I will never be able to eat chocolate ever again.”

You wheezed. Then burst into laughter. Full-body, head-thrown-back laughter that made your ribs ache.

Bob blinked at you, then smiled. And when you looked at him—really looked—you saw it. Not just the sex. Not just the heat. But the way his gaze softened when you smiled. The way he looked like he belonged here. In this bed. Wrapped in your arms.

“I’m glad it was you,” he whispered. He leaned in. Kissed your forehead.

“Me too," you smiled.

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[clatterbane]

Yet another episode in AuDHD Chaotic Dumbass mode, y'all:

* Reminded yet again that, while they were "just" ridiculously fashionable when I was in elementary school? Legwarmers would address several of my problems now!

Looking all smug with those warm legs. And good for her.

* (Naturally get off on a brief tangent of looking for period pics of kids in legwarmers. With a side trip into Rainbow Brite territory specifically, because I remember those. Nope out of there after seeing some of the Sexy Rainbow Brite-themed tat people have come up with more recently.)

* Yes, I am old as fuck.

* Anyway, my one remaining lower leg has been staying cold as hell except in summer since the big crash in 2020. The circulation is obviously pretty fucked, for whatever reason. I got sent for some torture test over it just earlier this year. My sensory issues won't let me wear leggings or long johns to layer on any kind of regular basis. It's just too bulky, and gets too hot and sweaty higher up when the lower legs are what's freezing.

* So snuggy insulation specifically for the lower leg good, right? I don't recall any particular problems wearing those unless they kept sliding down too much.

* Oh yeah, I did stock up on not-cheap washable wool yarn to make some, didn't I? Around the time we moved into this place? 🤨 There should be a bag full of it. In fact, I had to replace most of my crochet shit after we moved.

* Look for patterns.

* Oh wait, didn't I actually buy one in a really cute cat theme then?

* Where the fuck is that PDF? On my old phone, maybe? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Should have it backed up to a hard drive, so at least that search won't require messing with the infuriatingly busted screen.something

* Now, where the fuck did I even stash that sack of yarn AND new crochet hooks, etc.? I know I put it somewhere "safe" and out of the way...

* I DO know where one big skein of black wool blend worsted weight is. And I think I may know where in a still-not-unpacked moving box in our damn living room the previous set of hooks might be. Pretty sure I saw them when I was rummaging for something else...last year?!

* We have, indeed, been living in this place for almost 3 years now.

* Which also means I should probably check exactly when La Migra has me down as eligible for citizenship. It is supposed to be 3 years for spouses of citizens, but they're not counting from the date I entered the country...

* Oh fuck, my currently expired passport. Really need to do something about that, though it may take a road trip to Stockholm at this point. At least we do have the car now.

* Ah, I still haven't taken my stupid "morning" meds, have I? (For nocturnal person values of morning.)

* Probably time to look for more yarn! In another language, with less familiar terminology!

(And this is, in fact, a slightly pared-down version. Because I exhaust myself enough, and nobody else needs that.)

[starberryshuu]

Scene: The Great Unveiling of the Julie-Iso Braincell Merge

Oh, Luca is NOT READY for this.

He’s seen Julie as a shy, awkward assistant. He’s seen her as a raging, foul-mouthed yankee. He’s even seen her as a fear-stricken deer running from him.

But this?

This absolute gremlin teaming up with another reserved-looking, totally normal guy—only to turn into complete, chaotic morons together?

He is unprepared.

***********************

Luca walked into the common room, half-expecting another round of verbal Julie Death Threats™ when he saw her sitting on the couch with Iso.

What he did not expect was to walk into an active crime scene of stupidity.

They were quiet. Too quiet.

Julie was sipping iced coffee. Iso was scrolling through his phone. Two perfectly normal, responsible adults.

Then, he sat down. And within three minutes, he witnessed hell on earth.

Iso showed Julie a video of a dog aggressively biting a camera. She immediately reenacted it on his arm.

They had a full conversation using only Vine references.

Julie dared Iso to drink a spoonful of soy sauce, and he did it without hesitation. He did not flinch.

They both started aggressively sniffing Luca out of nowhere.

Luca: “What in the fresh Italian hell—STOP THAT.”

Julie started wheezing over something so stupid she couldn't even explain it. Iso started laughing because she was laughing. Luca, completely out of the loop, was now third-wheeling their collective brain rot.

Iso casually said, “Julie, I dare you to—”

Julie was already standing up and preparing for chaos.

Luca: "SIT BACK DOWN. BOTH OF YOU."

They stared at him. Innocent. Blinking.

And then they made eye contact with each other—and lost it again.

Luca sat there, rubbing his temples, realizing something terrifying.

Julie wasn’t just an adorable, aggressive, feral little assistant.

She was also an idiot.

And Iso? Iso was just as bad.

…

He might be in love.

*******************************

Further possible scenes

Exhibit A: The Braincell in Action

Julie and Iso were sitting on the floor, cross-legged, staring at a single cashew nut on the table like it held the secrets of the universe.

Julie: "What if it’s actually a tiny croissant?"

Iso: "What if we’re the tiny ones, and the cashew is normal-sized?"

Julie: "Holy shit."

Iso: "Holy shit."

They both nodded. Serious. Contemplative. Philosophers of absolute nonsense.

Exhibit B: The Descent into Madness

Julie held up two fingers. Iso immediately fist-bumped it without hesitation.

Iso looked at Julie. Julie looked at Iso.

They burst out laughing for NO REASON.

Iso tried to drink from an empty glass. Julie pushed it further up his face.

Julie: "If I run full speed and kick you in the stomach, do you think you’d roll backwards or just fall flat?"

Iso: "Only one way to find out."

Luca: "NO. STOP. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO???"

They ignored him. Their one shared brain cell was fully activated.

Exhibit C: The Instantaneous Yankee Mode Activation

And then—Julie spotted him.

Her laughter died mid-wheeze. Her playful energy short-circuited.

Iso’s grin faded.

The brain cell snapped in half.

Julie stood up so fast her chair nearly fell over. Her eyes narrowed. Her posture shifted from “idiot” to “ready to kill a man.”

Julie: "Tch. Look what the dog dragged in."

Luca: "Ciao, Tesoro~" (smirks)

Julie: "Die."

Iso, still slightly malfunctioning from the braincell separation, was half-smiling before he snapped out of it too.

Iso: "Wait, yeah. Die." (glares at Luca)

Luca: "What the—why did you join in?!"

Iso, realizing he was still stuck in Julie’s wavelength, immediately backed off and looked away.

Iso: "I dunno, man. She activated Yankee Mode. It’s contagious."

Julie, arms crossed, eyes burning with pure disdain: “Touch my cashew croissant and I’ll break your kneecaps.”

Luca: "What the hell is even happening right now?"

Conclusion:

Julie and Iso are absolute dumbasses when together.

But the second Luca enters the room, Julie goes full rabid mode.

Iso, caught in the crossfire, sometimes forgets whose side he’s on.

Luca is questioning every life decision that led him to this moment.

And yet…

He finds himself smiling.

Because only Julie could go from a complete moron to a terrifying delinquent in two seconds flat.

And he wouldn’t change a damn thing.

[jvstheworld]

My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S1E10 (part 2)

The Hope That Kills You

Mae said the title of the episode! Which makes Ted go in to panic mode.

Ted hates ties and believes God is a woman. Him and Neil Gaiman.

Also, to quickly point out the strand of hair that falls in front of Ted's face. It should not be as hot as it is. That and Ted's while dishevelled look in this scene. (once again I need to publicly apologise to my friend who I know reads these posts and will be hearing about my continued thirst in the morning).

Ted and Beard quickly stopping Nate from blowing the whistle inside. My guy really needs to stop doing that. How does it not hurt his ears? Mrs Shipley would kill Ted if Nate did blow that whistle. And nobody wants to see that.

We never saw Nate out of his kit except for formal occasions. Does he own casual clothes? He does in season 3, sure, but come on. Who would want to stay in their work clothes all the time?

Beard knew not to say it was hopeless in front of Ted.

Ted being out of breath from just running to his bathroom and back to get a believe sign. Also, manic Ted is hot. Imagine if he went feral? Nope, the world would end somehow.

Rebecca is genuinely concerned about Ted now. Because she dropped her while bullshit revenge plan and decide 'fuck it, this man is sweet and kind and cares about me. He has won me over and I'm going to take care of him now that's he is basically one of my best friends' and I love that for her.

Ted making jokes about being fired that is more akin to suicide and murder jokes. Honey, even for you that is some dark humour. Yet considering how his dad died, it either makes sense or the writes thought 'fuck it'. The reason it might make sense is because using humour as a defence mechanism is common for Ted. He is able to make light of it in this situation because what he is joking about, is not actually going to happen.

Rebecca laying down some wisdom for Ted. She wants to help and isn't pushing him away anymore, like she used to when he brought biscuits.

Jason actually hit his head and split it open. Ouch, but also you dumbass. This man is too chaotic. Manic pixie dream boy indeed.

The smiley face on the whiteboard. Who did that? I got to know.

Roy is weirded out with Ted's reference to Pompeii.

Todger is another word for penis, if you didn't know. So, yeah, kind dirty.

Poutine, chips, gravy and cheese curds. Sounds delicious. Super Canadian indeed.

Bumbercatch coming in with the dig against Man City. Nice one.

Jamie is particular about his hair care routine.

The ussie kid is back. Kid gets everywhere. And Jamie just naturally poses for the camera.

Ted isn't playing mind games with Jamie, he is just naturally that supportive and believes every word he says. Jamie only thinks it's mind games because he believes that anyone against him, is out to get him. Who wants to guess that his twat of a dad put that thought into his head?

Jamie using the squirrel emoji when texting Keeley, like they talked about in episode 8.

[karimelthefloof]

I wish i could be some kind of chaotic lil humanoid creature thats human enough to where i can do all the human things but im still not human-

A long soft tail you can curl around peoples arms and legs or other tails to show that you love them or to comfort yourself or others, Long fluffy ears that can twist and turn like a cats to show emotion or to hear different things better, Stupid lil eyes that act like a cats so you get the 'vicious predator mode' and then 'dumbass mode' with cool night vision, Digitigrade legs that are fluffy with little paws and retractable claws and toe beans, Little paw hands that are still human enough to work like normal human hands so you can draw or open doors but you have the toe bean and the retractable claws of paws, lil pointy teeths that serve no purpose other than slightly pointier than normal...

Can i just randomly gain the ability to shapeshift and become some kind of raccoon cat fox hybrid thing and still be human-

I wish I could shapeshift just so I could give myself a fuzzy tail and pointy ears... *Sad sigh due to lack of shapeshifting powers*

[gingerbreadmonsters]

twi, going prematurely grey: what do you mean "efficient"??? you're going to get yourselves killed!!!

wind, clutching the wind waker: come on, twi! stop being such a spoilsport!

wild, paraglider in hand, from atop a nearby hill: yeah, twi! live a little!

[stormvanari]

I’m just gonna crackship BROTP them hard.