#character with dissociative amnesia

[bluebloodedbug]

Ladies and gentlemen, more ProwlBee.

Bumblebee has dissociative amnesia send tweet

also thank you again @ineedmycoffeerightnow for the help <3

[total-drama-brainrot]

i now wanna hear your very long character analysis on how the drama machine affected alejandro

Yeah alright.

So I haven't actually watched All-stars, but I did skim through this video to get a feel for Alejandro's characterisation in it, since All-stars is the only canonical material we get from Alejandro post Drama Machine.

And by skim I really do mean skim; I was mostly looking out for signs of his imprisonment's influence, which for the most part seems to be as follows:

His legs fell asleep.

He developed a minor case of agoraphobia, mostly in the context of sleeping in open spaces.

His standards of human interaction have plummeted; something he's aware and accepting of.

Interestingly enough, he doesn't really seem to acknowledge the volcano itself (outside of an offhanded comment) or the injuries he got from the explosion. His focus is solely on his time in the suit, not what out him there in the first place. He even skirts over a memory loss issue, which could contribute to this.

I'll tackle these three points in more detail, and then give examples of how they can be developed into actual characterisation points instead of (for the most part) gags.

Number one; Leggy McLatin and the paraplegia scheme.

Alejandro's inadvertant and unintentional escape from the Drama Machine, and subsequent readmission into the competition (as himself, instead of as the machine) is, for the most part, entirely focal on the fact that his legs no longer work after his year of entrapment. It's a big deal - or, at least, as big of a deal as any injury or ailment can be in the context of Total Drama, considering that he doesn't miraculously get better in the span of an episode. Of course, we learn fairly early on that he's faking the paraplegia, but it's fairly heavily implied that his legs really were asleep initially (and that, in all likelihood, the massage we see him getting from an intern is what "wakes them up").

What's interesting about this particular plotline choice is that it would, realistically, be entirely feasable for Alejandro to have mobility issues after spending a year inside a robot.

Now, I'm no doctor, nor do I have any formal medical training, but I do know that not being able to move your body for an extended period of time results in a serious case of muscle atrophy. We see in canon that Alejandro was essentially locked in a seated position for the year; his arms, head and (assumedly) torso had place to move around, but he couldn't really stretch out his legs. This would explain the "weakness" of his legs in the first episode - i.e. their wobbliness, and the fact that they couldn't hold up Alejandro's body weight. The numbness he cites would be explained by poor circulation - again caused by him being sat down for a solid twelve months.

Or it could be nerve damage from the eruption, but given that Alejandro doesn't seem to have any long-term issues that stem from the volcano itself, it's unlikely.

So it can be assumed that the numbness of his legs was offset by the massage he gets after the first challenge. The masseuse kickstarts the blood circulation back into his legs, resulting in him regaining sensation in them - enough feeling to notice a crab pinching at his feet.

And, if I really want to reach into headcanon territory/realism, the reason he keeps up the "ruse" is because, despite having feeling in his legs, the muscles there are still fairly atrophied and he has a lot of trouble walking, let alone running, for extended periods of time. Though, as it stands, any long-term impact on his health would be entirely headcanon/fanon territory, due to the nature of the show itself.*

Then there's the psychological aspect to consider. Alejandro's a very prideful person by design - that's evident in both the way he portrays himself and the physical standards he holds himself to. Having use of half of his body stripped away from his is bound to be distressing, perhaps even traumatising. Hence why he tries to make himself as useful to the team as possible despite still recovering; he needs everyone to see that he's still capable.

Eventually his legs fully recover, because this is Total Drama and things like "realistic healing processes" and "lasting damage" don't seem to exist in-universe.

Number two; snug as a bug in a rug.

Alejandro's shown to have started sleeping in a sleeping bag throughout All-stars. He even canonically states that he needs to, because of his time in the Drama Machine. He cites that sleeping whilst srpawled out makes him uncomfortable, unspokenly referring to the fact that, for a year, he'd only had the option to sleep in an incredibly cramped position/environment.

This is interesting since, for the most part, you'd assume that someone held in close-quaters captivity would develop claustrophobia instead of a form of agorophobia, and yet Alejandro seems to have internalised the need to be in an enclosed space to sleep. Maybe it's symptom of just how long be was encased for - a year is a long time - or maybe it started out as claustrophobia, but the indefinate nature of his captivity morphed the initial fear into a twisted sort of coping mechanism.

It begs the question; what else can't Alejandro do in open spaces?

Is he perpetually uncomfortable with the openness of the outside world? Does he resort to hermiting himself into closed-off corners and enclosed rooms, just to feel a semblence of normalcy after he escapes the confines of the Drama Machine? Would he take to wearing tighter but more concealing clothing, just to immitate the feeling/pressure of being trapped in a too-tight enclosure?

Is his need for a snug sleeping space indicitive of him missing his isolated imprisonment?

Which brings us nicely into the third point.

Number three; long-term isolation and the effects thereof.

Alejandro explodes out of a glorified toaster and one of the first things he really comments on is Heather's off-putting personality and her facial hair. In a positive manner. He's so starved for human contact that he attaches himself to the first "friendly"/familiar face he sees, which in this case is Heather, and focuses on the aspects of her that make her human.

If he were a "weaker man", I have no doubt Alejandro would be clambering for attention from his team, mostly for proof that he's no longer completely isolated. It's a well-documented phenomenon; people who experience a long time in isolation, or who suffer through long periods of loneliness, become desperate for socialisation (and physical contact), to the point their immune systems and biological rhythyms (from circadian to infradian) start to deteriorate.

Realistically, Alejandro would've come out of the Drama Machine a desperate and sickly mess, riddled with insomnia and paranoia and incredibly touch-starved. But, as established, the show isn't exactly true-to-life when it comes to things like this, so...

As it stands, the fact that he emerged from his prison and immediately jumped back into his charming persona attests more to the fact that his flirtatious act is so deeply ingrained into his psyche than it does to his mental wellbeing. It could be argued that he's using the same act/mask/persona as a tether to his old self and an anchor to normalcy, as he'd likely crumble into an inconsolable mess without the scaffolding of his "TV personality" keeping him upright (metaphorically of course, as Alejandro is in fact not upright in the show. He's upside down for the majority of his time on All-stars).

Or maybe he's just built different? Who's to say.

We don't exactly know what went down during his year away, so it's impossible to make any concrete statements as to whether Alejandro was afforded the luxury of other people's company, or if he really was kept 100% isolated in the machine. The only thing we do know is that he likely had access to a phone, though didn't have the capability of using it without assistance, since he calls Heather out for never trying to contact him but also states the impossibility of him doing the same in turn.

Number four; lava damage and the lack thereof.

It's sort of explained during his scene at the end of World Tour, but Alejandro's whole "being trapped in the Drama Machine" deal - alongside being a parody of the scene where Anakin Skywalker is first put into the Darth Vader suit - is stated to be for his own benefit. He's essentially being locked away into a healing suit. Again, just like Anakin - they both even sport similar burn wounds.

He mentions at the beginning of All-stars that he doesn't really remember being put into the machine, and it's safe to assume that the majority of his time in the contraption is likely fuzzy to him as well; being fully concious of complete isolation for a whole year would be enough to drive anyone completely mad, and Alejandro is decidedly not insane (for the most part). Ergo, it's also a safe assumption that the inner mechanisms of the Drama Machine act as a sort of stoporous healing chamber, keeping Alejandro semi-concious and healing his various lava burns over the course of his concealment.

Sort of like a medical coma. Inside of a robot. A portable medical coma.

The "healing properties" would also justify why Alejandro's whole body hadn't deteriorated from muscle atrophy, or developed any (visible) burn scars from his stint in the Hot Sauce. Of course, as far as burn scars go, unless they're significantly deep they do tend to fade into near-invisibility over time. That, paired with the ~magical healing properties~ of his confinement, likely resulted in his lava burns scarring over into insignificance.

Then again, I once again have to take cartoon logic into account - the show itself likely just didn't consider the semi-realistic consequences of a year of entrapment, and wanted Alejandro to be near-enough the same character he was at the end of World Tour before the consequences™.

The main point here is this; Alejandro doesn't seem to remember the majority of his injuries following the volcano eruption in the World Tour finale, or if he does he's had a year of semi-conciousness to work through his thoughts and feelings on the matter, and as a result he doesn't seem to carry any (reasonable) trauma regarding lava, volcanoes, or other related stimuli.

He does, however, retain some "quirks" from his time in the machine.

Number five; an overview.

Alejandro comes out of the Drama Machine with a surprisingly little amount of visible trauma, both in terms of physical damage/scarring and observable mental changes.

He developed a very minor case of agoraphobia, spurned on by him becoming accustomed to existing in a very small, very cramped space, but otherwise attunes himself to the outside world incredibly fast.

Is this probably related to his social training, as a diplomat's son, and his heavy reliance on a "suave and charming" persona. He's likely battling with a lot of internal issues throughout the season, but squahing down his inner turmoil under his determination to win, which explains how/why he falls so easily into his scheming mindset - it, in and of itself, is a coping mechanism, though not a very healthy one.

*The paralysis of his legs was in all likelihood genuine, and a result of poor circulatory issues and minor muscular atrophy, which was almost immediately treated by the masseuse intern after the first challenge. Realistically (and how many times have I said that word) he'd have some lasting weakness in his legs, and maybe require the use of a mobility aid and/or physiotherapy. This is not the case, because... Total Drama.

There are subtle signs of the mental impact of his imprisonment, mostly in his immediate attachment to Heather (despite her taking away his reproduction privileges the last time they spoke, and her being Heather) and his innate need to prove himself as useful/capable despite his gameplan riding on him appearing pitiable and unthreatening (due to his "sleepy legs"). He's so starved for social interaction and validation that his actions are directly contradictory to his gameplans.

Though in the case of his Heather attachment, he could just be like that. He was also fairly infatuated with her in the latter half of World Tour, and the pineapple scene speaks for itself.

In conclusion; Alejandro is either completely goated and (for the most part) just shrugged off the trauma of being trapped in a tiny box for a year, or he was already so traumatised that the imprisonment was just another needle in his haystack of turmoil.

[cringelordofchaos]

Holy frick I just saw someone say Sunny dealt with dissociative amnesia which made me think of the headcanon that Sunny might have DID and then I realized that might actually make some form of sense ? And that OMORI might be his altar besides SUNNY..? And the soundtrack of a part of the fight between Sunny and OMORI IS called "altar" (you can see it on omocats channel) Soo? Though I don't have DID myself nor do I know too much about it and the headcanin doesn't fit perfectly like a puzzle piece I just thought I'd share

[huntingsys]

a friend in one of my dnd parties has given their character (basically) DID but describes them as personalities and i am very okay about it (((i am lying)))

[thediarysystem]

I was legitimately on the street yesterday please repost this at least any support is appreciated I need to get somewhere safe and my goal is at least 250 to make it to another state with my friends who are willing to take me in

I will draw pfps for even 10 dollars

I also draw oscar isaac and pedro pascal characters

[molassified-minipak]

21. Unresponsive

“Pravde? Can you hear me?” Ard asks worriedly. The faceless is sitting on the stage in the tavern, brought there to him after the incident.

They’d been watching Ard’s children as they strolled along the river outside town. Roxy and Cal had had a great time picking flowers and throwing pinecones into the water, respectively, until an unfamiliar merrow attacked. The noise of combat and the kids’ cries had called Isaac, patrolling nearby, to the fray. He’d attacked with magic as the merrow grappled with Pravde, hitting both. The merrow fled, the children were unhurt, but Pravde was unresponsive.

Isaac had delivered them all to Ard, the goblin having made his claim over Pravde clear. Ard tucked the children safely away into his room immediately and returned to the faceless. They weren’t more than bruised, and damp with river water, and yet…

“Pravde.” He carefully sets a hand on their shoulder. Nothing. He’s already healed them of Isaac’s powerful psionic damage, so they’re not unconscious. He can’t remove their mask to inspect them for other effects, like concussions or charms. Ard waves a hand in front of where their eyes would be. Nothing.

Soft footsteps on the stairs catch his attention. Roxy is coming down alone.

“Are you alright, darling? Where’s Cal?”

“Cal fell asleep,” Roxy shuffles in close to Ard, seeking his comfort. “Is Pravde okay?”

“I’m… not sure,” Ard admits, pulling the girl into his lap. “They’re not hurt, but they won’t - or can’t - talk right now. I’m sorry for leaving you kids alone for so long.”

“We’re okay, I just want to make sure Pravde’s okay too. The merrow was scary.” Roxy reaches for Pravde’s face. Ard moves to catch her hand.

“Ah, careful! They might be surprised-”

Roxy’s eyes glow soft white as her little fingers skim behind the mask. It’s a minute before she pulls away. “They’ll be okay later. They’re gonna have a headache, though. And a nosebleed.”

Sure enough, something about the connection draws the faceless back with an involuntary gasp. They whisper something - a name? An unfamiliar one. Pravde tucks their head down between their knees. The fabric of their tunic catches a few iron droplets.

“Pravde? How are you feeling? Honestly,” Ard asks.

They take a moment to answer. “Our. Head hurts we have. Encountered. The malfunction again. Where are the children we do not remember-”

“The kids are fine, Isaac brought you all back to the tavern,” He reassures them. “Cal’s sleeping, Roxy’s here with us. Thank you for protecting them.”

“Yes, thank you Pravde,” Says Roxy. She leans forward to give the faceless as much of a hug as she can reach. “I’m happy you’re okay.”

Despite their migraine, Pravde manages a careful hand around Roxy in turn. “We were not. Prepared for. The attack we will be. More alert next time.”

Ard offers Pravde warm, clean robes to change into while he guides Roxy back up the stairs with a promise to come tuck her and her brother in shortly. Children in bed, the goblin pauses on the landing to scrub a hand over his face. He returns to the faceless with tired eyes.

“Do you usually space out like that when… malfunctioning?”

“Unknown we. Do not experience this error often.”

Ard adds this to his mental notes on the situation.

Pravde shakily tugs a slim journal from their bag. “We will record the. Images we saw while. Incapacitated. Per your instructions.”

“How about you just tell me? Writing will only hurt your head more right now,” He suggests gently.

“We may omit details or. Speak unclearly.”

“That’s fine, Pravde. I just want a general idea of what you saw.” Ard only just keeps Pravde sitting with a cloth under their nose instead of rising into report stance.

“There was screaming. Much like: the cries of Roxy. And Cal we were fighting to protect we were. Captured struggling we could not reach the psionic magic hit and hit and hit…” Their voice trails off quietly.

A memory? A dream? “You said a name at the end, Pravde. Do you remember what it was?”

The faceless stares at the floorboards, thinking.

“Liliko.”

[haven-gum-rockrose]

So obscenely happy people like that post cuz I was fully projecting.

[rotteneldritchhorror]

Giving the littlest of guys the most disorders

[nightmarecountry]

𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑶𝑹 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻 ; 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒 𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 .

- slow burn or love at first sight - fake dating or secret dating - enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers - oh no there’s only one bed or long - distance correspondence - hurt / comfort or amnesia - fantasy au or modern au - mutual pining or domestic bliss - smut or fluff - canon - compliant or fix - it - reincarnation or character death - kid fic or road trip fic - arranged marriage or accidental marriage - college romance or middle - aged romance - time travel or isolated together - neighbors or roommates - sci - fi au or magic au - angst or crack - apocalyptic or mundane

tagging: @pohlepen @ragnarot @dilffactory @infamouscabal

[hopeformankind]

@104thsquadfam sent:

“My name is Levi Ackermann. I’m 30. I live in the Underground. My name is Levi-” - Have Levi with amnesia after an expedition and doesn't remember anything.

Dissociation Starters.

Many Scouts experienced head trauma in some way or another when battling Titans, either by a miscalculation in their landing or by being swatted away, or maybe just from a training scenario. But, what no one-- not even Erwin-- expected Levi himself to deal with that... and lose his memory of the years they spent together. It was something that had to be silently told to Erwin by Hange before Levi would need to arrive to Erwin's office.

To say it was something that nearly broke the Commander would've been an understatement-- Levi was one of his closest comrades, a man he'd entrusted his life to despite their... rather odd meeting situation. While Levi didn't know everything about Erwin and vice versa... well, Levi was practically his right-hand man. So to see him like this...

... Erwin refused to lose his stoicism. To panic or get upset would only leave the amnesiac Captain flustered-- so, moving from his desk, he approached Levi with that sense of elegance and dignity that any Commander would have, holding out his hand to Levi. Yes, he made sure his hand was clean. He still knew Levi's habits.

" Yes, you're right. My name is Commander Erwin Smith-- I'm the current Commander of the Survey Corps, " Erwin introduced himself, formally as ever. Though, while the title change would be needed if Levi were to continue working with him... he'd need to work hard to make sure he didn't overwhelm Levi too much... though, Erwin knew himself, too. Sometimes he got carried away...

" You may not remember much, and I apologize for that. You were recently restrained for stealing and illegal usage of Omni-Directional Mobility Gear. But... due to your skills, I thought it best to recruit you for the Survey Corps and refrain from handing you over from the Military Police. "

[qwerty-queer]

[love-aholic]

Sometimes I look at my writing and I just

I put these guys through so much agony I genuinely feel bad for them I almost feel like a psychopath. It's not like ">:3 imma put these this through SO MUCH AGONY heheheh!!" anymore its just Jesus christ how am I capable of doing this

These aren't ocs anymore these lil guys feel like actual people I'm writing

Do you understand

[aromothmantic]

Seeing people claiming that 0mori is trying to depict DID and thus no one should interact with it or else they're Bad and Evil and Problematic has like. Just cut a year off my lifespan.

[aramapostsandwrites]

INTRODUCING:

NAMES AND CHRISTMAS SORROWS

(OTHERWISE KNOWN AS NACS)

When Christmas takes a turn for the worst, Newt is here there to try and keep the magic alive, but no matter how hard he tries, he always fails. Every year more and more elves quit, Αντίχριοτος being at the root of it all. Looking in the mirror day after day, he slowly loses himself. He wants to - needs to bring Christmas back to life, but how can he when no one even takes him seriously anymore. Will he ever be able to bring back ‘Christmas’ back to it’s former glory, or will he continue chasing a dream of once was?

NAMES AND CHRISTMAS SORROWS

Chapter One

Newt

SOMETIMES, HE WONDERED; WHERE DID THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT GO?

Newt has always been the most festive out of the elves, but after Aντίχριοτος wrongfully took over the once merry place, it seemed that the Christmas spirit was fading all year ‘round. Not even Santa’s daughter loved Christmas the way she used to, but that was probably a given, since the female version of the Grinch literally killed her parents. Actually, she was worse than the Grinch.

He tried his absolute best to keep everyone from giving up, but his efforts were always wasted. Even though the kids still managed to get their toys every year, present making became a chore, one they antagonised and despised, eventually leading some elves to quit in the process. Christmas was fading for them, and for kids all around the world too.

Sooner or later, Santa would only be a myth - a lie. He didn’t want that, but what could he do when no one was willing to take him seriously?

“Newt!!”

Newt turned to an elf who seemed awfully peeved at him - a familiar setting. “Yes, Φώτα?”, he asked, awaiting an answer.

Φώτα sighed, exhaustedly. “You’re supposed to be in charge of the last minute mail, you fuckwit. So, tell me why you haven’t you haven’t fucking left yet?”

The festive one winced at the foul language. It wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it, yet it still hurt. Everyone of his elven family were getting more and more on edge as the years rolled on by - as the result of the Antichrist. Everyone was giving up, but he swore to himself he wouldn’t.

Remembering the conversation at hand, he bowed, pathetically. “Sorry! I’ll get right to it!”

“You better, Newt. Otherwise, we’re not having that Christmas Turkey that you insisted on getting.”

After nodding frantically, Newt scurried away, throwing a snow globe on the floor and entering the portal without a second thought. He didn’t know when the elves collectively decided on calling him Newt, but over time he got used to it… Too use it, in fact, that he forgot what his real name even was.

What was it? he would constantly ask himself, but nothing resurfaced, so eventually he got used to the cruel title - he had to.

He sighed as he got into the van, hiding his inhuman features with the magic of the bloodstone. Why couldn’t things be like they used to?

He looked in the mirror, to see the crystal was losing its magic - was Christmas fading that badly? His reindeer ears were now more like those iconic elf designs humans created, instead of them being normal human ears like intended, and although his bushy tail, along with his half-hooved, half-clawed hands and his smokey grey skin; his white hair and candy corn horns never went away.

It’s okay, he decided. The horns he could pass off as part of his elf hat, and his hair could be excused as dye. The main problem was his stereotypical-elf-like ears. How was he going to hide them?

Newt looked down. It looked like he was going to have to do something about his clothes too, as the effect of the crystal wasn’t any help with that whatsoever. His so-called ‘ugly Christmas sweater’ (he thinks it’s cute), was fine, but his stockings didn’t help his human feet feel any comfort, being that it was meant for his true form, and the fact that he didn’t have any underwear or pants to cover up his lower half.

At home, it wouldn’t be a problem; his sweater covered all it needed to, allowing his tail to roam free, and no elf bats an eye at home, since they were intersex and mostly asexual creatures, however, in human society, he knew that covering up those parts were important and essential.

The amount of times he’s been flirted with by both men and women wanting to drag him back to a hotel, (whilst in his human form), he didn’t want to imagine what type of perverts and predators would come after him when he looked like this.

He needed to think. How could he get out of this situation?

Newt looked in the back of the van, in hopes to find something useful, but all he could find was a bunch of empty sacks that were going to be used for the mail. How was this going to work in his favour?

He hummed in thought, attempting to weigh his options. He thought back to last year, and how little sacks were filled - only about six sacks and a quarter. In the van, there were a total of twenty sacks, and assuming this year would be a repeat of the year prior, he made his decision.

He searched around the van, finding the target at last; the sewing kit. They normally kept it in here since a couple of centuries back the amount of mail they got normally left the sacks tearing at the seams, but now he kept it in here as a reminder. A reminder of how great Christmas once was, how great it can still be.

He couldn’t stall any longer. “Time to get to work,” he announced to himself, determinedly, not wasting another second longer.

Thirty minutes eventually passed as Newt was finally done, holding the pair of pants up to admire his work. Obviously it wasn’t as good as his hand-sened or hand-knitted sweaters, but he couldn’t help but feel proud of himself. It was like he was making hand-made sweaters for his family again, except this time he wasn’t…

Newt shook his head. The letters, he reminded himself.

He slipped off his candy cane patterned stockings, already missing the warmth of familiarity, before putting on the scratchy pants.

To say the material was uncomfortable against his skin was an understatement. He was already chafing badly, his lower region copping the worst of it. He whined. Was there really nothing else?

He looked around, but it rendered hopeless. “It’s okay,” he whispered to himself. It should be an in and out mission anyways. As long as he can get inside before the shop opens, he would be all fine.

Newt parked across from the shop, only to find it was already too late - the shop was open. He covered his face with his hands, feeling utterly exhausted. Come on, Newt! Think!

Then it came to him. The back door! Surely people were far too busy to go through the back, unless it was for a minor break. He doubted that they would get any breaks today, seeing as how jammed-packed it is inside, and what time of the year it is.

He turned off the engine and jumped out, folding eight sacks. Should he get another? He does.

Newt made his way to the back door, the curtain allowing access to see inside. He looked through the transparent, slightly stained glass, cautiously, relieved to find no one wandering around on the other side. In and out, he encouraged himself, choosing to ignore the excruciatingly uncomfortable chafing.

He rolls the snow globe on the ground, before entering the portal and picking the device up. He was so glad the globe was working as smoothly as it was, seeming as the crystal was less compliant.

Focus. He went towards the junk mail room with the sacks, the path already a familiar one, despite him only repeating this process once a year. For elves though, a year was only a minor thing, he supposed.

He reached for the door, glad that he was going to be quickly down with this and back in time for the Christmas Turkey… If only.

“Oi!”

Newt froze.

HE SHOULD’VE KNOWN THE UNIVERSE HAD OTHER PLANS.

[ALSO BONUS PICTURE OF NEWT!!]

WATTPAD LINK

AO3 LINK

[reimeichan]

Signs of having DID that I ignored (note that these are not exclusively signs of DID but they were for me):

I don't have amnesia, that's just short term memory loss because I have ADHD!

I actually have a very good memory, I'm great at memorizing things (what do you mean that's not the same thing)

sure it may seem like my mood changes drastically but I've read online that's common in people with ADHD! it's hard for us to regulate our emotions!

so what if I have different preferences from time to time? that's normal right? like when your mood changes you may prefer different foods? what do you mean that's not the same as going from "I hate spicy foods" one day to "omg I LOVE spicy foods!" the next?

yeah okay I tend to space out in the middle of conversations then come back to and need you to remind me what you said for the past 10 seconds or so. that's just my ADHD inattentiveness. what do you mean that I only do this when stressed. what do you mean that's a form of dissociation.

speaking of dissociation, sure sometimes I feel like I'm watching myself say and do things without my own input but that's just because I was tired/stressed out

yeah sometimes I go on autopilot. my autopilot seems to have its own agenda sometimes though. weird.

sure I changed usernames a *few* times but isn't that pretty common? yeah I also wanted to change how I presented online and also my pronouns and stuff but again isn't it common for people to want to start over sometimes?

*making multiple accounts to play the same game because I play the game differently on different accounts and don't want to mess things up on one account*

oh yes, I'm genderfluid! I say that because my gender absolutely changes from moment to moment and sure it seems kinda tied to other aspects of myself like color preferences and energy levels and personality traits but I'm pretty sure that's just par for the course with genderfluidity?

"you're so different when you're around your parents vs when you're at school/work vs when you're hanging out with friends!" yeah that's called being a complex person we all have different masks we wear in different social situations and I'm no different even if it seems more extreme for me

"how was school/work/the hang-out/going to visit your parents?" I don't know I'm tired and have a giant headache and can't remember

"you said this to me the other day and it made me feel <x>" what????? I literally have no memory of this and that's so incredibly out of character for me wtf I would never do that I was probably just really stressed out and tired and had no filter on.

[adhdtsukasa]

tsukasa tenma has ADHD!! except it's an actual analysis because 1. look at my url 2. i'm mentally unwell (and i started to love tsukasa mostly because i immediately recognized my ADHD traits in him). which is a thing i should probably leave for ADHD awareness month, HOWEVER!! it was my birthday yesterday and i wanted to spoil myself (i just kinda overlooked how much time writing it from scratch would take me, so i'm a bit late with it). and i reaaally don't wanna wait until november when i finally wrote it down because i'm so HYPED because i was preparing for it like what? two years? somewhere around it. and that's a LONG time.

please keep in mind that i'm no psychologist, psychiatrist nor a neurologist and while i do use some sources (cannot really confirm if they are true, though... because i forgot to write credits down... so i'm really sorry for that), most of this analysis was just based off on my personal experiences with the disorder (and i don't really have the full professional knowledge of what i struggle with i'm just a Boy). i mean, i am analyzing a character from a hatsune miku game. i think i'm already putting way too many effort than i should.

also the examples of tsukasa's behavior here are not all of the things, because i wrote down only the things i remember off from the top of my head. sorry, guys. my hyperactive ass is not sitting thru all the stories again just to get my crumbs, unfortunately.

anyways, with this a little bit unprofessional and messy introduction, let's get it started!

1. THE MAIN PART OF THIS WHOLE THING, AKA HOW THE ADHD SYMPTOMS CORRESPOND TO TSUKASA'S BEHAVIOR

i wanted to write it down in my own words, but i think the screen above has summed it up perfectly; there are some established symptoms of ADHD, but to be an ADHDer you don't have to experience them all. and this is going to explain why i'm gonna show a lot of these symptoms later, yet gonna connect only some of them with tsukasa. it's only these i have evidence for, and yet i think they're good enough to point at tsukasa and already say woah! an ADHDer!!

in short, there are three types of ADHD: hyperactive, inattentive (ADD) and combined. the combined one is the most common iirc, so that's also what i'm going to focus on today. especially since for a rep of the other types, i could say that shizuku's a rather great representation of ADD — but that's not the point of my ted talk today, so i'm not going to go into the detail about it. i'm sure some momojan or shizuku oshi would do better than me in this field, so i'm leaving it to the experts.

these are the symptoms that i managed to gather — the first two screens being about the symptoms viewed in children, the last one being about the symptoms viewed in adults. "in which one of them tsukasa belongs to?" that's a good question, because i actually don't know. calling a high schooler a child doesn't sit quite right with me, yet a freshly turned 17/18-years-old is not exactly an adult, either (although most of the symptoms i'm analyzing come from these that are viewed in adults). and while i do think tsukasa has more of the symptoms viewed in adults, we're gonna analyse them all! because i'm putting my all into this.

FORGETFULNESS

i believe there's not much left to say, as this is the most obvious one and everyone already knows that. even though it's not touched that much anymore for some reason, tsukasa's forgetfulness is his very apparent trait. it varies in severity a lot of times: from him basically forgetting both his childhood and true feelings in the main story to him, for example, forgetting his own phone and lunch (in the same day!!) in hinamatsuri. even saki in the same event, while they were arguing, called him a "big, dumb forgetter" and assumed that he forgot what happened the day he brought her the hinamatsuri dolls to hospital. while forgetting basically half of your life is not exactly normal and can be a sign of something bigger, like dissociative amnesia, his forgetting of just the ordinary things and it happening a lot definitely still fits this trait.

EXCESSIVE TALKING/PHYSICAL MOVEMENT

while this is something that you'd rather connect to emu (and for a good reason), it's not like tsukasa is completely devoid of it either; he talks a lot. he moves a lot. it's not on emu's level of hyperactivity, but it's also not "a lot" that's taken as a social norm, based on how the people around him react. he's putting the 1 in oddball 1 2, after all.

in holy night or some side stories connected to it (it might be meiko's side story? but i'm not exactly sure) it was also said that tsukasa moves in his sleep a lot to this point that his parents have to leave his christmas presents under his door instead of next to his bed.

oh, and he also talks to himself a lot. even in class, which was confirmed in chapter 6 of dazzling (or maybe even earlier, it's just the one moment that i remember). (but i'll get to this moment later on)

he says his long monologues, he strikes his poses at every occasion — and while i don't think that's the first thing you think of when you have "excessive talking/movement" in mind, for me it sure does count as it.

LITTLE OR NO SENSE OF DANGER

this point can seem rather weird, because "isn't tsukasa always riddiculed at rui's weird inventions"? well, yeah, he is, that is not a thing to deny. but he also agrees to try out most of them, if not all, if it's for the sake of the show. he's aware of what can happen, but he also doesn't back away if it means that he'll be one step closer to achieving his dream of stardom.

does it count as "little sense of danger"? well, i'm actually not sure, for me it doesn't, but maybe for someone it does. i'd say that's a rather weak point, but i wanted to include the explanation for the counterpoint of it — that's why i even mentioned it in the first place. i don't have a lot to say about this tbh.

update: oh, actually no, wait, i just remembered. remember how tsukasa in phoenix decided to not eat anything for three days just to be able to resonate with rio, while also having to do straining exercise on top of that? you certainly cannot say that's a safe thing to do, but he still went along with that in order to get the role. it makes me come to a conclusion that tsukasa actually has a sense of danger, but sometimes chooses to willingly ignore it if only it makes him get closer to fulfilling his dream. i think it's coming close enough to the little/no sense of danger to be actually considered an ADHD trait.

DIFFICULTY KEEPING QUIET

while i'm not sure if what i'm going to talk about is a difficulty keeping quiet in a traditional sense of way, it definitely counts as it, somehow: tsukasa is loud. like, really loud. and that's another obvious fact both for us and for characters in-universe, especially when thinking of tsukasa shiho's first thought is that he's kinda noisy, which can be seen in the "a friend's brother" 1koma. (and probably a lot of other cases. free shiho.)

tsukasa doesn't seem to realize that he's way louder than he should be and that him being loud is his first impression in most of the cases, though, or at least i don't remember any moment where it happens (and it's a possibility. then that's on me, i guess.). and yeah, i know what's the reason for it, obviously — he's supposed to be a comic relief character. because wansho's stories are mostly supposed to make you smile, as this is what wansho's aspiration is. however, as much as being intended to make the viewer laugh it wouldn't be, it still is a part of tsukasa's character, and a rather important one on top of that. his constant loudness is something that's definitely not considered normal by the society and could very well fit into this symptom.

and since i promised to elaborate on the mentioned before scene from dazzling chapter 6: when tsukasa talks to himself in class, it always ends up to be loud. and it already happened a few times.

(tl by tsukasa's #3 fan on youtube because i don't have proseka on my phone wah)

if it's not a difficulty keeping quiet, then i don't know what is. bro can scream up to 120dB as measured by robonene for god's sake.

IRRITABILITY/QUICK TEMPER

again, this is something that was more apparent with early game tsukasa, maybe he just got medicated. idk man. but even if it happened three, almost four years ago, it still happened, i don't make the rules. back in the early game, tsukasa was really easily losing his temper and getting annoyed, mad even — i mean, that was the whole point of the main story argument: tsukasa's first response to nene accidentally messing up their show, which was not even her fault, was to shout at her. and while this was obviously very important thing to him and being upset at this is a rather understandable reaction, taking this as far as screaming at a poor girl for not being to face the audience because of her anxiety is not something a person who can control their anger would do.

it could be also easily seen by his reaction to emu and rui's antics back in the early game, which were often stained with irritation.

another example is his hinamatsuri argument with saki, where, despite loving her so much, he still got slightly mad at her for not liking the new dolls he bought her. he started to regret his harsh words and actions soon enough, obviously, but it doesn't change the fact that it was rather easy for him to get him across.

INABILITY TO DEAL WITH STRESS

if i'm not mistaken, tsukasa has once said something along the lines of "is it anxiety? there's no way a star like me would feel anxiety" — but i cannot recall for the love of my life in which story it appeared, so i don't want to take it as a face value when i don't have a solid proof for it.

other than this vague mention of "something that's in the story but i don't remember where", i'll admit, i don't really have anything backing me up for this tbf. i mean, i guess maybe tsukasa doing his best to appear strong as a child to not worry his parents could work? because the stress of saki being in the hospital definitely was also present here, although i just see this more as a coping mechanism for his situation than a reaction to stress, so that's not a solid evidence either.

so, yeah. take this one with a grain of salt, actually.

from the symptoms that weren't listed here, i remember reading something about people with ADHD enjoying to show off more, which is certainly what tsukasa does often — and while it actually applies to me too, it wasn't on an english site so i didn't screenshot it and i cannot really find it anywhere in english... so even though i treat it just like my whole argument for the inability to deal with stress, i thought it's just worth mentioning.

however, there is obviously one more thing...

HYPERFIXATION/SPECIAL INTEREST

obviously, i'm talking about acting here: for tsukasa, acting aligns with all these criterias. it is his deep passion; it is something highly engaging for him; it is sometimes all-consuming for him; he tunes out the world around him when he thinks about how can he possibly improve his acting (see: the dazzling moment i showed earlier. yeah, i like to use it as a backing point a lot, as you can see.); and it is something that is his life-long interest.

is it his special interest or his hyperfixation, though? well, it's hard to tell...? because while according to screen two, spinterest revolves around a topic and hyperfixation revolves around an activity, so it would qualify what tsukasa feels towards acting as a hyperfixation, it's still kinda hard for me to call it so because of its length. yes, screen three clearly says that hyperfixation can last years, but they mostly revolve around shorter periods of time, after all (my longest hyperfixation was just a year long, for example). i think it's up to you to determine whether you'd call tsukasa's love for acting a hyperfixation or a special interest, but it's something from these two most certainly.

i'm also a big fan of the headcanon that tsukasa's other spinterest is kaito ww it's in no way a canon evidence (unfortunately!), but kaito's 1* side story, where tsukasa and emu are watching kaito's show and tsukasa is explaining to her why kaito's wearing a scarf somewhat implies that tsukasa knew a thing or two about kaito before the main story. and i'm all for it. colopale let tsukasa be a kaito fanboy pleaseee.

2. I REALLY LIKE ANALYZING SONGS, IF YOU CAN'T TELL

those who have already read a few of my things probably know what i love to do the most — analyzing songs!! so i wouldn't be myself if i just left tsukasa's commisions without analyzing them under the angle of neurodivergence, especially since the sole reason i became obsessed with the thought of ADHD tsukasa was that one sekahaji line (there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse you will always be famous).

of course, remember that only the world hasn't even started yet should be taken as a canon value! producers are often given space to do whatever they want in the lyrics of the songs they are commissioned for, so they're not canonical in any way. i think it's still fun to look at their lyrics and ramble about them for a bit, though. i've already got too carried away anyways.

won't be posting photos of the lyrics since i'd hit the images limit, but you can check them yourself — all the translations i'm taking, as always, from the vocaloid lyrics wiki. (since filament fever has two tls on there, i want to clarify that i've only looked at and considered in my analysis the official english one, because it's, well, official.)

THE WORLD HASN'T EVEN STARTED YET

besides the mentioned earlier there's too much noise, so much noise and it keeps getting worse, which i think of as a representation of overstimulation (since i used to see people asking "oh but why tsukasa has something about there being too much noise in a song made out of his feelings when he's such a loud person himself". because he likes the noise he makes, not the overwhelming, overstimulating noise from the outside!!), sekahaji also has a rather good amount of quotes that could be read as something connected to neurodivergence (based on the fact that it's not supposed to be a song about this topic): the main theme of these are procrastination, which can be seen in let's cross the end of all of this, partying forever and the world hasn't even started yet line itself. the thought of the world not even starting implies that there's still a lot of time left to do something, while "partying forever" can refer to deciding to give up on doing the things you should do and going to drown in something that indulges only you and yourself for the rest of eternity. while procrastination is not counted as an official ADHD symptom, it's a trait that people with the disorder very often have (for reasons obvious).

other lines, which i couldn't entirely fit into a box of a certain symptom, are there's too much conflict, so much conflict and it keeps growing (a parallel line to the noise one, so it means something! right) and let's break the plans for a harmonious future. in my personal interpretation, they both can be viewed as your typical neurodivergent struggle in a neurotypical society — "too much conflict" refering to an internal struggle of not being completely normal, while the "harmonious future" that's going to get broken are just the social norms that are going to be broken because of an off-putting, neurodivergent behavior. something that some neurotypical people dooon't really like.

TONDEMO-WONDERZ

since i've just talked about breaking the social norms, "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you, huh? line from tondemo-wonderz is going to go first, because it revolves around the same topic. it's the same case: it's about (subconscious, not intentional) fighting what's accepted by the society by just being yourself — because you're neurodivergent, you're different.

from the other lines in tondemo-wonderz, i have only one and it's take an eraser to your memories?!, which is pretty much self explanatory. as always, a mention of forgetting something in tsukasa's commision. who would've thought.

88 SHOOTING STARS

another self explanatory line that i have written down as first: it's okay if you only remember a little part of it sometimes. another mention of tsukasa forgor™, and while it corresponds with what happened in dazzling, it's still a line mentioning forgetfulness — so it's worth mentioning.

aren't we just inevitably going around in circles? and it's okay if you take a rest for a little bit sometimes can be interpreted as another mention of procrastination and while it's not that apparent as it was with sekahaji, because going in circles can refer to something else and taking a rest sometimes is not a bad thing at all, i still wanted to mention them here. for the record.

you ought to slip and fall in panic in the final moment is connected to a symptom that i showed, yet didn't elaborate on it (because i didn't have anything to work with) — making careless mistakes. the same case, yet with another symptom goes with is this not enough yet again? is this not how it's supposed to be? couldn't we go even further than this?, which can be seen as a reflection of unability to listen to instructions. a bit of reaching with this one (like this whole part damn), but as i said earlier: for the record, i'm leaving it here. to show that i had some intense thoughts.

tbf, when i think about it now, maybe the mentioned earlier "why?!" and "do it like this!!" aren't like you [...] could very well fit this symptom too.

MR SHOWTIME

mr showtime you will always be famous, because this is a song that gave me a looot of things to work with. i was so flabbergasted when i read these lyrics for the first time. tsukasa tenma why are you like this. /aff

there are a lot of lines hinting being easily distracted, and these are basically the very first ones, too: you know what? i just can't make up my mind, it's so messed up that i can't put my thoughts together and a merry-go-round (my thought process) goes round and round are all about it. like you cannot deny it this time, if it's not about being unable to stay focused then i really don't know what is [insert the tsukasa don't look away stamp here because i love it and it's my biggest motivation to actually focus whenever i do something]. the more i mess around and waste time, the more i become hungry / and i can't handle it can be seen as about procrastination again, and even not "can be seen", it's literally being frustrated at yourself for wasting time, that's the sole outcome of a procrastination!! being bothered by feeling anxious, meanwhile, is resonating with the inability to deal with stress once again.

also jumping the gun. driving in a zigzag manner can actually connected with the little to no sense of danger. because, as far as i'm aware, driving in a zigzag manner is certainly not a safe activity. don't do it at home.

from the symptoms that i haven't yet mentioned to this point, am i taking a long way? am i making a fruitless effort? can be reflecting difficulty organizing tasks — since the poor planning of your activities can make you take a long way and can make you do a fruitless effort. then, where's the fun in taking shortcuts all the time? can be read along the lines of something coming close to extreme impatience and while a person that's extremely impatient would actually enjoy taking the shortcuts to get closer to their goal or destination, said impatience can be also connected with the desire for something interesting to happen. a task can make you impatient not because it's long, but because it's simply boring — avoiding shortcuts can make it less boring, even if it extends its duration. with this explanation, it makes the unexpectedness (unexpected program) is the best part of the show (my life) perfectly fit into this category, even though i wouldn't call this line a sign of impatience on its own.

i have some issues with i'm pathetic. i can't satisfy myself, because... at first i thought of connecting it with either mood swings or inability to deal with stress, however i'm not sure if that's really it. i'm pretty sure it connects to neurodivergence in some way, but i just can't put my finger on it, so... i'm just leaving it here for the record, once again.

oh, and there's also i got lost in the world (stage) and / the end credits rolled (the curtain fell), which also is pretty much summing up the experience of being neurodivergent in the neurotypical society. in the middle of trying to stay true to yourself and having to mask just to be accepted, it's easy to get lost — and once you do so, there's no going back. the curtain falls.

to end this part of the analysis, i'd show the lyrics from filament fever and sekai wo terasu tetrad here. i won't do this, however, and the reason for it is fairly simple — they don't give me much material to work with and i'm not really surprised, because mr showtime has succesfully sucked all of the neurodivergent coded lyrics into itself. there just won't be another song like mr showtime, i fear.

i can just say that in filament fever there is running away from the flow of time — which got me thinking of either procrastination and unability to stick to time-consuming tasks, with the former being more plausible as a potential interpretation... but that would be it.

3. NAKAYAMA IS A METAPHOR FOR NEURODIVERGENT MASKING AND IT'S THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER SAID BUT YOU HAVE TO HEAR ME OUT ON THIS

listen, i know how it sounds.

i'm not actually a fan of trying to fit every thing a character does into a box of a metaphor, symbol or allegory, i really am not. i think some things should just stay as simple as they are, but this thought has been bothering me ever since i've first seen spoilers of what's happening in a story where you're the star for the very first time. i'm in no way saying it has any canonical meaning, but i just thought it would be fun to include. because maaaybe someone sees my vision.

for those who haven't seen tsukasa4 yet or want to have a recap of what has happened in it: the whole event story revolves around tsukasa trying to grasp his role (as always). wxs got recommended to shunmei-za by shousuke and went there to practice their acting skills, immediately getting thrown onto the preparation for their next performance. tsukasa, however, is not a lead this time — he got the role of a supporting character and has got basically three lines to say on stage total. since tsukasa's used to playing lead roles, he obviously has issues with grasping the role — it's hard to use method acting in regards of a character that says three sentences total and nothing more. with help of bakuno reki, one of the actors in shunmei-za, and the rest of wxs, he manages to create a portrayal of nakayama that would make him "come to life" and "be a protagonist of his own story", something that would make it easier for him to get into role, however...

he gets a little bit too carried away with his acting during the actual performance.

and this is not something that would ruin the whole play, obviously, he's just a supporting character, the less invested audience would probably forgot about his impact on the story after five minutes of his last appearance — but he still made a slip-up. he still resonated with his role, but didn't achieve the utmost perfection. he still did well acting, after all, he managed to receive praise from the director in the end... but it's still a very apparent mistake that was made.

(tl, once again, by the awesome tsukasa's #3 fan)

and that's where the nakayama masking metaphor theory (it's not even a theory but it sounds cooler this way) comes in.

nakayama is supposed to be just a man. from what we know about him, he's in his late twenties and works as an editor — and even though tsukasa makes up a whole backstory for him later on, he's still supposed to be ordinary. nothing special. he's coming nowhere near the other roles that tsukasa has played, he's not on the same level as miles, torpe and rio. and while you could possibly consider torpe and rio as rather ordinary, they still had something interesting to happen to them, the main reason why they were lead roles for their respective plays. in the tsukasa4 play, nakayama has nothing like that. he's literally just a guy, he's normal. and "normal" is a keyword here.

tsukasa did everything he could to fit into nakayama's role. he followed the script, he took the advice from a more talented and professional actor that is bakuno, he didn't do any mistakes during his preparations — and yet he still managed to mess up in the end. why?, besides of the fact that he just let himself become one with nakayama during the performance and it resulted in a supporting character outshining the lead?

if we take as a fact that tsukasa is, in fact, neurodivergent, it would make sense that he's having troubles with playing a normal person — because he's not exactly normal either. and this would very well work out as a metaphor of masking; even when you try your best, even when you mask yourself perfectly, you can still make slip-ups. you can still accidentally drop the act in middle of something that absolutely required it, or, similiar to what tsukasa did, can accidentally overdo it and end up perceived as even more weird than you'd be without masking. something something i got lost in the world and the end credits rolled. rings a bell?

and i'm not saying that tsukasa has a problem with masking, because he doesn't. he tries his best to pass as a normal member of society, but he also makes no effort in actively masking his weirdness (or else he wouldn't be a part of oddball one two). however, if you want to neurodivergent code your character, it would make sense to include a possibility of it in some way, right? especially since wxs stories' already had the theme of dealing with being perceived as weird (eg. rui's whole backstory, obviously). even if it's not affecting tsukasa directly, i think it would be cool to include something that indicates this issue's existence in his story and, in a way, his struggles.

however, as i said earlier, this is a very stupid thought and that's why i left it for the very end. i don't actually think that how tsukasa played nakayama was supposed to be a metaphor for masking, it's just a pure coincidence that it could be interpreted like that when you think about it too much.

aaand with this, we've finally come to an end!! (finally. i'm so exhausted.) i don't have anything more to say about this topic. maybe i'll retweet it with some more evidence in the future if we ever get more ADHDkasa content. for now, it would be all!

is tsukasa actually intentionally written as an ADHDer? Who Knows! there's a possibility that he is, but even if he's not, he's still one in my heart. regardless of the status of his possible neurodivergence, analyzing his behavior in this light was still very fun! and maybe i even converted someone into the ADHDkasa hell.

feel free to add something if you want to, and feel free to correct me if i got some things wrong! i still hope that even though of how messy this whole thing is written, i did tsukasa justice and didn't accidentally say too much nonsense lmao

...i hate ending analyses.