#chocolate plays things

[glitterdustcyclops]

i want you all to know that i am entirely mentally ill over astarion i cannot focus on my work i just keep thinking about Him this is disgusting

[notherpuppet]

Huskerdust 💗💗💗💗

[turtleblogatlast]

I am once again reiterating that Leo could and should be a figure skater because what are ice skates if not twin blades? What is dual blade swordsmanship if not a dance-like performance? Using the skates as blades themselves could let Leo make portals be his ice rink no? I rest my case. ⛸️

[josephquinncurl]

This is hawkins satanic killer btw

[jasontoddsmommyissues]

The other day I saw someone say Daisy Edgar Jones was what they pictured Eddie’s mom would look like and omg…yes. I totally see it.

(She has similar eyes, which is awesome because I love the thought of Eddie having his mama’s eyes)

I wish I could remember the person I saw say this because they are so right.

[cerise-on-top]

Easter with König

It's another holiday, which means I'm going to make my favorite fictional Austrian go through the holidays as well. First was Fasching, now it's Easter! If I have to celebrate it, then so does König, except he gets to have a better time doing it!

I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d meet his family during Easter. It’s a tradition of his to go to his parents’ home during that time for a visit and a chat, he only sees them maybe twice a year, so he can appreciate having a small get together with them. He normally gets along well with his parents, but he’s lost most of the contact he had with them ever since he hit his mid 20’s, but he does look forward to seeing them. Naturally, he’d take you along for the ride, regardless of whether you actually know German or not. He can play interpreter for you, it’s not a problem for him. But if you know German already? All the better, that way his parents and you can just talk to each other with no problems. He does hope that you’ll get along with them, they did play an important part in his life when he was younger.

König genuinely hopes that you will like the traditional Osterjause*, though. He’s loved Easter for that reason, and for the freshly baked lambs, but mostly for the best Brettljause*. In fact, he’s probably called his mother two weeks before his visit to let her know what kind of meat and sausages to get for him and you as well so that there shall be plenty to go around. If you’re not from around, then you likely don’t know what a “Gsöchts”* or “Schweinsbratn”* is, but he will assure you that it’s something delicious. König could rave on and on about that one farmer’s “Hauswiaschtl”. In fact, if he can, he’d love to go to the farmer’s market on Friday with you just so he can get you something to eat. Not above grabbing some Bauernbrot* and Krenn* either while he’s at it. Mans needs his Krenn when eating his Osterjause. Although it will have been a while since he’s seen everyone, he will introduce you to all the farmers there since he knows a good chunk of them growing up.

Naturally, he’ll be drinking a few beers here and there as well. He’s Austrian, it’s in his blood. Will have you try everything off the plate, from the Nuss* to the low-fat Karree*. Loves having you with him and will actively try to involve you in any conversation there may be so that you get to talk as well. Again, it might be a bit awkward if you don’t know any German, especially since he’s not the most reliable translator, but you’ll get by somehow. His parents have been curious about you for a while now anyway and have been wanting to meet you.

Although he claims to be far too old for that sort of thing, he wouldn’t mind looking for an “Osterkerberl”* with you. It’s a nice tradition that he used to love as a child and he wants you to experience Austrian Easter with him, so he likely asked his mother to hide one for you somewhere around the yard so you can go find it. She won’t give you any clues as to where it could be found. It’s childish, but it’s a lot of fun. In fact, if König were to ask her to prepare a Kerberl* for you, then chances are she prepared one for him as well, for old time’s sake. And then the both of you, two fully grown adults, will run around the yard, looking for the basket. Once you found it, you had to admit it was rather cute, filled with a few hand painted eggs, some colorful chocolate, a baked lamb and some crafted chicks and bunnies. Clearly, his mother put in a lot of thought into what goes into such a small basket. In fact, even the “grass” was made of edible paper, it seemed.

König would feel somewhat stupid, looking for a basket of all things during Easter, but it did remind him of his childhood, so he wouldn’t outwardly complain. Besides, you walking up to him, all happy with your little basket, does something to him. The sight was just too adorable, so he’d likely ask you, the master sleuth, to assist him in his hunt. Once you’ve both found them, you’d return back to his parents’ apartment and continue just chatting while occasionally eating a bit of the Jause*.

_________________________

Osterjause - Food that’s been prepared for Easter. It usually consists of meat, sausage, cheese, tomatoes and horseradish.

Brettljause - Same as Osterjause except it can be eaten at any point during the year.

Gsöchts - Geselchtes - Salted and smoked meat.

Schweinsbratn - Schweinebraten - Specifically prepared roast pork, eaten cold in this context.

Hauswiaschtl - Hauswürstel - A hard sausage.

Bauernbrot - A special type of bread.

Krenn - Horseradish.

Nuss, Karree - Types of meat

Osterkerberl - Osterkörbchen - Easter basket, a basket filled with easter themed food. Sometimes has a gift in it as well, mostly for children.

Kerberl - Körbchen - A basket

Jause - In this context it refers to the Osterjause.

[ultipoter]

A (late) Valentine's day art, I've been meaning to do some Tokimeki Memorial art for a while now and this was as good an opportunity as any.

The snes version was ROBBED of the very sweet scene in Sega Saturn at least where Rei gives you chocolate on the third Valentine's day

[ittyybittybaker]

A Rose By Any Other Name:

a Romeo and Juliet inspired mascarpone and pistachio praline filled cream puff topped with raspberry-rose panna cotta, rose shaped raspberry-rose pate de fruit, candied Sicilian pistachios, and a chocolate dagger.

Sometimes, when it's slow, we get to practice our skills at work, and this is one of those times! today i was paired with a coworker to make a buffet portion dessert for a randomly assigned theme- ours was Shakespeare and we were inspired by Romeo and Juliet! We had 24 hours to plan and 4 hours to make everything start to finish, and this is what we came up with!

Thank you @darcyshire for inspiring me to post more of my work!

[hellishfig]

playing dnd in a post-apocalyptic nyc setting is so fun

being able to roll sleight of hand to steal a joint from the pocket of one of my party members? incredible

a different party member using the tiny hut spell and having a chocolate fountain in there and my pc wanting to have some chocolate and suddenly realizing they were turned into a cat person by radiation three years ago and are likely allergic to chocolate and moping in the corner for ages? so fucking funny

doing a flashback scene where my pc and their partner go their separate ways shortly after the world ended and then later in the session finding their partner who has been enchanted to not remember my pc and quoting the flashback scene to make my pc roll with advantage against their partner to break the spell and the partner rolling a nat 1 and the dm saying “there’s no spell in the world powerful enough to make them forget you”? UN-FUCKING-PARALLELED

dnd is a good game

[quillkiller]

thinking about them..

[glitterdustcyclops]

a small thing but i love how everyone is a bit of a total brat when you leave them at camp except halsin, whomst is obviously and easily the most emotionally mature person in the cast, who is just like "oh that's fine, i'll be here whenever you need me :)" it's such a fun character moment

and of course astarion's cunty little "oh nooo you mean i have to stay here doing nothing but looking all pretty while you do the hard work this is TERRIBLE i hate this😈"

the character writing in every line of this game,, so good,,,

[hiddenworldofmary]

i sat down to work on an assignment and ended up learning how to play chess

[ladyzayinwonderland]

[canonically-a-genloser]

theyre ok

[piningprecussionist]

Welcome back to Toronto!!

Thanks. Sorry for the slow reply; I made the mistake of stopping by the apartment and ended up having my time monopolized by Stills and my roommates...

It's already exhausting being here again, but at least it's less dull, that's for sure.

[mypetratodie]

hey fellas this is the cringe website, so I'm gonna go on record real quick okay? I just watched all the willy wonka movies (1971, 2005, 2023) and I NEED to rant about it. Also, I don't really know if we need a warning for this, but I go on a rant about the 2005 one being kinda racist/weird/groomer-ish so there's like a warning i guess.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Novel, 1964): Never read it

Have not read the book. Coming out and saying that now, just to be like, transparent or whatevr.

Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971): Banger, 10/10

My dad put this on one night (after he had watched both the 1971 movie and the 2005 one) and made me watch it. I had never seen it before and was waiting for some cringey dated 70's humor, maybe even a slur or something, but uh, nope. Gene Wilder was delivering every line with right amount of crazy person energy, without feeling creepy (at least to me). The bits were funny, and (again from my casual viewing) inoffensive. Some of the songs were boring, but when the obvious bangers played, I was hooked. The Oompa-Loompas were pretty funny, and never overstayed their welcome. The focus of this movie is mostly Charlie and Wonka, which is fair considering that's what the book is about (I think like I said I actually never read the book) Far as I am remembering, it was good, clean, killing(?) kids with candy fun.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory(2005): Dogshit film, 3/10

Fucking HATED this shit! The like, Native people direction they took with the Oompa-Loompas??? Omg, every scene felt like a FUCKING hate crime! And their songs were mid, I especially cringed during the first one and the last one. And Johnny Depp does that fucking horrible like.... battle cry thingy to call them as opposed to using the gay-ass little flute Gene Wilder Wonka did???? And the Oompa-Loompas keep doing this like, hands crossed over the chest salute thing? And they row a big boat, with a big drum keeping the rythm? Like WHY are they like this in the movie? And they aren't orange and green and silly anymore, they're just like dark skinned guys? With black hair? Which Idk, would've been an alright change i guess, if they didn't also do a whole scene where William Wanking is running thorugh the jungle in his teddy roselvelte ass outfit, and the oompa-loompas like don't speak english, do "silly" tribal dances to summon cocoa beans or something? and eat bugs???? like that's..... certainly a choice for the film.... And it's even grosser cause in both films mr. wilfred wonder or whatever refers to loompa land as like a horrid place to live or whatever, but when Gene Wilder said it, it kinda felt more like "yeah these little orange dudes get eaten by monsters and shit" and when Johnny Depp says it, it's like "yeah, they lived in a STINKY GROSS PLACE IN TREE HUTS AND THEY WERE POOR!!!! AND GRODY!!!!! Ewww, but after I stripped them of that culture and made them live in my factory, their lives are better now" idk super super weird to me. He also does a scene where the joke is he's just using like AAVE i think? He's like "ARe you hip to it? Are you jive? Slide me some skin, soul-brother!" and like, fucking stop, stop talking like that even if it isn't offensive, it's sure as hell cringey to hear a white, bill cipher human design looking mother fucker to start saying some bull shit like that. And the scene of uh, Violet or whatever getting turned into a blueberry???????? Straight up felt like inflation porn on DeviantArt! She gets big like ass first, and even looks at her ass like "oh dam I'm getting caked up" LIKE SIR THIS IS A CHILD! Same with the scene of Veruca Salt getting attacked by squirrels it felt so fetishy and weird idk. and also this version of WOnka is giving soma MAJOR OVERT Groomer/PEdo vibes like it's SOOOO Fucking gross I hated this movie. And all the Willy Wanker flashbacks are so boring and unessecary. Like shut up. There's just a bunch of scenes like that where I'm like "was this in the book or something?" Like the scene where he builds chocolate palace for a guy in India (complete with the typical 2005 depiction of an Indian man and woman i.e. the head turban things and a very pronounced accent, also the palace was just like chocolate Taj Mahal I'm pretty sure but whatever) but the chocolate melts (and drops on his forhead, between his eye brows. Y'lnow? Get it? Cause the... they have the dot.... thing... like SHUT UP IT'S NOT FUNNY) There was some funny lines, and I thought it was funny that Charlie was played by the dude who plays the Good Doctor (my dad was like "I couldn't watch it without thinking about he was going to say he was a surgeon), but every other scene felt almost illegal to watch. ALSO they drop the R-slur in this movie, which doesn't surprise me considering it was 2205, but if the film from the 70's sexulized the children less, had no slurs in it??? like ok, why are we adding offensive stuff to the equation of this children's movie?

Wonka (2023): Went in as a hater, came out as a fan 8/10

I was like "Who asked for this movie? Do we need another willy wonka movie??" But, I was pleasantly surprised. It had a lot of heart, the effect were pretty nice, I liked the characters. I guess they were given permission or something by Roald Dahl's family or something (i watched a behind the scenes thing, but i don't remember much about it) to do some new stuff with the Wonka character. So a lot of the characters are new, or heavily expanded on. I thought the humor really matched the 1971 film, a lot of funny bits. Timothee Chalamet, who isn't my favorite guy, was surprisingly charming as Wonka, I was ready to be rolling my eyes every time he said something. But, again, he was actually pretty silly, with the sort of seeds planted for him to turn into the Gene Wilder version of Wonka. The kid, Noodle, was also pretty silly. I liked the dynamic between her and William Wonkilla, it felt significantly more wholesome and WAYYY less creepy than anything in the Johnny Depp version. There's also a dead mom backstory for Wanker, and I'm a sucker for that sort of over done cringe, so yeah, I might've gotten like... a little emotional. They made the Oompa-Loompa(s) orange again, and they do the old oompa-loompa song! Pretty pleased with that as well, especially after the painful experience that was the 2005 version of Wonking. Me, my sister, and my dad were all surprised by how much we like this new one, even though I still don't think it was necessary? But again, welcome surprise. Omfg, also, in the BTS thing we watched, there was this sort of unspoken shade being thrown at the 2005 one like there was one guy who was like "Y'know, it's sort of a daunting task because so many great actors have played this character. Y'know, you got Gene Wilder. And now we have Timothee Chalamet- LIKE WOW OKAY DAMN NOT EVEN GONNA SAY HIS NAME!!!! And then also one of the guys, the director or something was like "You can't have a willy wonka movie without Oompa-Loompas, and when I think of oompa-loompas I think orange skin, green hair, you know, funny dances moves" Like, we know what an Oompa-Loompa is.... Why're you mentioning this? Unless, of course, there was a film that went a really weird and uncomfortable route with portraying the Oompa-Loompas?????? OH, like the 2005 one!

The only thing I will say I didn't love with my whole heart was there are a lot of fat jokes. like, there's a cop who puts on a lot of weight throughout the film and it's a little juvenile and sorta dumb and overdone, but I guess I understand the sort of thing they're trying to say? Like, he's getting fat because he's eating chocolate that he's being bribed with, so it's like, he's corrupted or whatever, but idk, i don't love the fat jokes. Still, the character is pretty funny.

So yeah, that's my analysis or whatever. I had a lot of fun watching the movies. The release order is how you should watch them lol. The 1971 movie is a classic, you'll watch it a realize you know more about the movie than you thought, just due to pop culture. The 2005 one, you'll probably recognize some sound bits and some of the soundtrack (if you were on tiktok) but most likely, you'll be annoyed and baffled by the changes they made. And THEN you watch the new one, ready for some cringe, and they hit you with a surprisingly cute and wholesome story that sort of destroys all the cringe the 2005 movie gave you.