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throwaway-yandere · 2 years

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"If the pedestal is beautiful, then the statue must be even more beautiful." (Yandere!Zhongli/reader)

a/n: I do not regret this one bit. while i do feel bad abt yaoyao's suffering, at least i wrote something unhinged again + it aint a zhongli fic without me referencing proverbs lMAO--

unreliable synopsis: “(Y/n) must be a really important person if Rex Lapis made them a statue, right?”

Yaoyao found a realistic statue inside Mt. Hulao.

As she was exploring the area with Qiqi to find herbs, Yaoyao discovered a secret domain that was only accessible to children her size and smaller creatures like Yuegui. It was horribly muddy and extremely narrow. She wouldn't go there on purpose if she hadn't fallen inside after exhausting herself trying to climb a hill just for a stem of violetgrass.

She anticipated a dense mixture of dust and fog inside the cave, with layers of spiderweb adornments, but it was unexpectedly unscathed with the typical filth that embellishes a place over time. The table was piled high with multiple apparatuses that she was unable to identify, but its aesthetics screamed that it was an adeptus' prideful handiwork. Despite not being refused entry as most adeptal abode should do, she came to an unspoken conclusion that this must have been an adeptus' place, and her curiosity grew by the minute when she noticed a life-sized statue sitting in the middle of it all.

Yaoyao was unable to take her eyes off it as a halo of soft yet lurid orange light enveloped it. The statue wore a brown hanfu that was encrusted with citrine jewels fashioned into dragons and the Geo element's symbol. Their clothes looked ruffled on areas near the waist and thighs as though it was frequently hugged and touched around those parts. But what Yaoyao couldn’t forget the most was their black earring with a white tassel that hung on their right ear. She can't recall who she saw wearing that earring when she first saw it, but she had certainly seen it before.

Admittedly, the statue was nearly perfect if it weren’t for the fracture the child had caused upon bumping into it. Yaoyao would have mistaken it for a real person and apologized if it weren't for the diaphanous and stony texture it possessed.

Still, the farrago between real and fake stirred around the lost child’s head as if it was a major dilemma. She swears she had seen that earring somewhere and that chipping its pointer finger off the statue was an inexcusable and grave mistake. Was this statue designed after someone in history or a character from those fictional tales Master loved to talk about? Yaoyao couldn’t decide which is a likelier story, but she certainly didn’t want it to be the former.

In addition, what made it eerier was the anticipation of calamity on their face. It’s a look not at all visible. The majority would undoubtedly dismiss Yaoyao's perspective and assert that the monument exuded a stoic aura. But if such were the case, why does she see the look of a rabbit about to flee in their eyes? The statue’s face exhibited a great firmness that declared that it wasn't as it appeared on the outside.

The statue looked like it was fearing for Yaoyao’s life after what she had done.

To avoid amplifying her trepidation, the young girl focused her attention elsewhere. Near the statue laid a red baize-covered table full of tapestries and books Yaoyao could only reach by tip-toeing and underneath it was stacked with clothes, herbs, vulneraries, and letters without indications of the sender or addressee’s name. If so many offerings were being made, then someone really cared about whoever this statue stood for. A commendable devotion considering how the last letter was only dated about two days ago.

Whoever this statue was and whoever maintained this shrine must’ve mortified a penchant for humorous literature and scientific breakthroughs. It would've been a strange combination if it weren’t for how everything was aesthetically arranged. It was obvious that the domain was kept immaculate out of love and adoration. Under the watchful gaze of this statue, philosophy and science had united into one entity, and Yaoyao was positively enthralled.

However, it was a seasonable night and due to the touch of Nyctophobia children inevitably have, Yaoyao couldn’t tell the murky difference between excitement and fear as she quickly stumbled out of the cave.

When Yaoyao came back the following week after a busy lantern rite, the domain’s opening vanished. She brought Qiqi along and attempted to show her in quailing distress that asked for confirmation that should’ve been a hole in that wall— but Yaoyao was only met with the zombie’s catchphrase of: “I’m sorry. I forgot.”

There was no reinvasion of the cave's darkness. Not a single hump was left to indicate that something was concealed behind it.

And that led to Yaoyao hunting a certain “illuminated bird” down.

——————

“Aunty! Aunty!”

“Must you grate One's ears with your incessant shouting, child?”

The bird continued to coast on its two legs while Yaoyao halted in her tracks, gasping for air. Although Yaoyao found it excruciating to attempt to keep up with the adeptus' quick treks in the mountains, it was obvious to any outside viewers that the crane was being merciful with her slow and tiny steps.

“P-Please stop aunty! I-I just want to ask a few questions!”

Cloud Retainer sighed and did as commanded.

After letting her describe the location and what she had seen inside it, Cloud Retainer nodded in the affirmation that what Yaoyao experienced truly happened. Yaoyao felt triumphant when the adeptus did not dismiss her babbling as some silly delusion, but she was unable to completely express it when she noticed a glimpse of sadness in her eyes.

“Of course it was real. One knows that location quite well, but One was never permitted to enter. That statue you spoke of would be none other than Rex Lapis’ depiction of (Y/n), the Wayward Pharmacist.”

(Y/n)?

Softly, the adeptus continued, “oh, (Y/n)… One remembers them rather fondly.”

Cloud Retainer did not raise her chin or adopt her customary condescending tone. Instead, her message matched her voice. Yaoyao was not the least bit confused by this sudden shift in demeanor.

They both know that name.

After all, (Y/n) (L/n) was Streetward Rambler’s first human disciple.

Yaoyao never inquires about (Y/n) with her master. All of Madame Ping's disciples were aware that they shouldn't broach the matter. Grief swarmed against Streetward Rambler so frequently that she bathed herself with distractions to wash away the acuteness of such regrets. She had done the most of what she could to relieve certain difficulties she had over the years, including mastering inventions and raising mortal children. While the majority of these were in her favor, the final diversion was less successful.

How can it not be painful when Streetward Rambler always sees (Y/n)’s old cheerful and ambivert nature in Xiangling and Yaoyao's eyes?

This was a rare chance to learn more about (Y/n) than just the faceless figure that her Master frequently likens her to. Madame Ping only ever briefly narrated (Y/n)’s deeds. Yaoyao relied heavily on individuals around her for her adepti history knowledge because she wasn't book-learned enough. Hence, inflicting a sense of confidence that she did not fully possess, the child continued to inquire.

“What were they like, Aunty?”

“You must understand how broad that question is.”

“Oh, r-right. Sorry!” Yaoyao sheepishly laughed. “I wanted to ask what was their personality like. Did they have friends? Or, well, what did they do?”

“(Y/n) was…” Cloud Retainer chuckled. Yaoyao couldn’t see a smile, but she heard it from her laughter. “—an obnoxious human.”

“E-Eh?!…” Yaoyao trembled. “S-Should I be worried that Master always compares me to (Y/n), aunty?”

“What nonsense— of course not. Take such compliment with high honor!” The bird towered her gaze above Yaoyao, clearly offended. Effectively, it seemed as if Yaoyao’s needless worries kindled afresh the snobbish Cloud Retainer everyone knew of. “There are only a few humans One regard as almost equals. Their obnoxiousness is what makes them wholly endearing and wholly human. If there was one true flaw One would nitpick out of all their traits, it would be their inherent obsession with longevity.”

Cloud Retainer shook her head. “Rex Lapis often debated with them over this, but (Y/n) was a stubborn mortal. Many occasions led to them being confined in a miniature domain that he keeps in his pockets. We did not agree with their dreams of becoming immortal. But other than that? (Y/n) was a humble loyalist.”

Yaoyao was inclined to believe that she was right because there were a few biological research sprinkled across the statue's domain. She had even read portions concerning Inazuman beliefs regarding stress and "ikegai" which might be related to a human's lifespan.

“Rex Lapis liked them despite arguing with him a lot?”

“Why, if you were there, you would see how adorable they were whenever they deluded themselves they could win a debate against an Archon,” the bird quipped humorously.

"Immortality had always been (Y/n)'s goal. One often told them to not be afraid of death or die worthlessly, but they never listened. They even tried to curse themselves to accomplish this, and astonishingly, they almost succeeded if it weren't for the Conquerer of Demons' unsleeping vigilance while acting on Rex Lapis' orders. The Archon always has an affectionate expression on his face when they pout over his interferences. One would have jokingly said that her friend is in love with a mortal if One didn't know any better."

“Wow…” Yaoyao covered her mouth with her tiny hands in awe. Neither of them seemed to realize that something was incredibly off about that ‘fun tidbit’. “(Y/n) must be smart if they constantly got Rex Lapis’ protection!”

“Indeed they were— were you doubting One’s abilities?! Had One not said they were close to One’s competency?”

“Ah, right.”

“They were an obnoxiously hard-working individual. Grinding their bones in hopes to grant impediments as a rival to Guizhong and I’s intellectual plays. (Y/n) lived a short life filled with effort and virtue, it is to no one’s surprise that Rex Lapis had conceived a great liking towards them,” she mused.

“Rex Lapis nearly caved and made them immortal at one point. However, he changed his mind after finding out (Y/n) had a human lover…” Cloud Retainer closed her eyes. “Perhaps that was an act of mercy. An Archon’s goodwill so that they wouldn’t have to suffer the fate of grieving for their beloved for all eternity.”

If only she knew the truth.

“They must be really important if they got a statue,” Yaoyao tilted her head, emanating a soft chime from her bell accessory. “Master only said that they were very kind and that they had a lover with green hair, and—”

“And?”

The adeptus was interested to learn what her old acquaintance talked about (Y/n). Did the grandmother compliment them on how cute they were? How, in essence, they were one of her greatest sources of delight and pride? Before Streetward Rambler took up the name “Madame Ping”, these were the typical musings she had over tea with both her and Guizhong. In a sense, Cloud Retainer merely pressed the question because she missed these times—

“And that they had a nice big family around Qingce Village! Two sons, one daughter!”

Cloud Retainer made a choking sound.

Impossible.

“Family?! Goodness gracious, it seemed Streetward Rambler has turned into quite a fabulist over time,” Cloud Retainer shook her head. “No, (Y/n) (L/n) unfortunately did not produce such a legacy.”

Legacy?

“I’m so sorry, I don’t get it, aunty. What do you mean?”

“They did not leave a child for me— for us to look after.”

Cloud Retainer cringed at her uncontrollably bitter tone. There was a point in her life where she cursed (Y/n) for this. Death was not something they can control— yes— but she used to be an ignorant fool who did not respect (Y/n)’s decision to never have children. Perhaps, in a way, this was because she wanted to see a new generation of like-minded people like them, but she will never forget the uneasy looks they gave her whenever she launched into one of her rants.

They may have been Streetward’s disciple but to Cloud? She was like their true mother. Much like most mothers of the old generation, she selfishly wished they left behind even a non-blood related grandchild for her to rear after (Y/n)’s name.

“They… have gone missing. They did not die with a family of their own— we did not even find their corpse. One does not know why Streetward Rambler would tell you that.”

“Oh… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know... It must’ve been a sad loss for the adepti and everyone else.”

Cloud Retainer only looked away.

“There was no pecuniary loss for us when it had happened, sure,” she said. “But yes, it was indeed a sad time for the adepti to lose both Guizhong and (Y/n) at the same time. There could’ve been a new province of knowledge and ventures— these virtues of arts were never grasped because death had stolen their privilege of penning down their strange yet wonderful conjectures.”

“Time and time again, they had failed to accentuate any alterations in their mortal structure,” she continued. “While others sought out their writings regarding their enlightened art pieces, few looked for their progress on human mortality. One only remembers a singular human who came to find (Y/n)’s transcendental medicines. One believes his name was Baizhu. If One’s explanations were inadequate, perhaps you must seek him instead.”

Yaoyao perked up. Well, that’s lucky. She was just about to head to Bubu Pharmacy to look for the pharmacist later.

“Ah, there you are, Yaoyao!!!”

Out of the blue, Ganyu and a face unfamiliar to the adeptus disrupted the scene. This human had indigo braids wrapped up in a tight bow for hair and amber eyes. Had it not been for Ganyu and a cute little bear clumsily climbing the stairs behind her, Cloud would’ve left immediately.

“Marchosius, it has been a long time...”

“♪~?”

“Woah… Is that Cloud Retainer, Ganyu?” The unfamiliar human gawked.

“That is that. One will no longer entertain questions. One shall take their leave at once.” The adeptus did not waste another moment upon noticing Xiangling’s curious gaze. However, Cloud did give Marchosius a look of respect before taking flight.

The little girl frowned.

“Yaoyao?”

“Oh, sorry,” Yaoyao smiled forcefully. “I just remembered I didn’t get to ask her the most important question.”

“Hmm? What question were you going to get an adeptus’ advice for?” Ganyu placed a hand on her chest. “Perhaps I could help? I may not know all the answers, but I do have some connections.”

“I’m just curious…”

Yuguei jumped off the basket as Yaoyao hastily removed it from behind her. The smaller adepti treasure leaped over her head and peered attentively over as if to assist her in locating the object she was seeking. When she did grasp it, she did not do so carefully. Instead, she held it out like a young child showing off a crayon during show & tell.

Ganyu and Xiangling’s blood ran cold as the child presented them with a dismembered finger.

“Ganyu, do statues made by the adepti bleed?”

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a-sip-of-milo · 10 months

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BPD Resources Masterlist

[NPD]

Creating this has made me realise just how much people underestimate/downplay the stigma surrounding BPD. It’s infuriating.

Anyway, here is the official resource masterlist for BPD. I will be adding to it as time goes on:)

BPD stigma

BPD stigma among clinicians

I have BPD and here’s 6 things I wish people understood

Mental health advocacy is pointless if you’ll support people with anxiety and depression but won’t support those with personality disorders

No I don’t need helping learning how to deal with a “borderline girlfriend”, I need help dealing with myself

Emotional abuse tag and BPD

The results when searching up how to manage BPD

BPD and suicide

Educating yourself on BPD

Basic info on BPD

NPD + BPD comorbidity

Why is it referred to as ‘borderline personality disorder’?

Facts vs. fiction about BPD

Living with BPD

BPD things that people don’t talk about enough

Loving with BPD is hard

Living, breathing, BPD

What it’s like living with BPD: a lived experience perspective

Managing BPD

Coping With BPD: DBT & CBT skills to soothe the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder

The dialectal therapy skills workbook

A quick exercise: challenging self-hate

Different forms of therapy

Deep breathing gifs

Splitting with BPD

Chloe’s splitting checklist and reminders

What is splitting?

How I cope with splitting (written by someone with BPD)

BPD positivity so you don’t have to go looking

People with low/no empathy still have feelings

Several positive affirmations for people with cluster b disorders

If you have BPD, I love you

Some of the best people in my life are borderlines

You’re not a monster for having a personality disorder

So much love to my BPD bi boys out there

Positivity for systems with BPD

Positive traits of people with BPD

People with BPD deserve as much slack as neurotypicals

BPD safe blogs (also safe for cluster b disorders in general!)

@borderline-culture-is

@bpd00m

@citrine-rabbit

@cluster-b-culture-is

@gentle-positivity

@hellbrainspeaks

@your-fave-is-crippled

@mirroringshards

#bpd splitting #actually bpd #bpd stigma #actually borderline #actually neurodivergent #borderline things #cluster b #borderline personality disorder #cluster b safe #bpd #bpd stuff #bpd safe

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livieluna · 4 days

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I worship Hermes, of course I find getting 15k steps a day light work

I worship Hermes, of course I quit my job and sold all my possessions to travel

I worship Hermes, of course I talk my partner to sleep when they are stressed

I worship Hermes, of course I drink energy drink in his name/as a devotional act

I worship Hermes, of course I have 10+ different hobbies and keep getting more

I worship Hermes, of course 444 makes me think of him

I worship Hermes, of course I pray to him when I miss place my things

I worship Hermes, of course I have a hard time staying still and feel like I always need to move

I worship Hermes, of course I always carry/wear citrine

I worship Hermes, of course I see feathers everywhere

I worship Hermes, of course I have amazing luck while thrifting

I worship Hermes, of course hawks and rabbits make me think of him

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kedreeva · 7 months

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Eris (top), Citrine (middle), and Bismuth (bottom).

What you can notice here is the same thing I'm usually on about- leg length in peafowl. These three birds share a father, and the latter two share a mother as well. Eris was hatched and raised for the first 3 months of her life on a farm that was using a low-protein chow (18-20%, with peanuts for treats, but they're feeding better now!) and kept here in quarantine in a 10x10 for the next month (we're working on a bigger quarantine pen), vs Citrine and Bismuth being raised here on 28% + fresh foods and scratch grains in a 1200ft+coop pen. I don't think that there's anything wrong with Eris' genetics (I've seen her mother, too, and I would be highly surprised if she produced short birds), but this is a PRIME example of how early care can affect these birds for their entire lives.

I have gotten into far too many arguments with people about peafowl care and nutrition. I hear parroted all the time that "high protein twists their legs" when that's 100% not the case. It's not the protein alone. They NEED the protein to grow appropriately. But they ALSO need the SPACE to grow out properly. When people keep them in tiny spaces (brooders, rabbit hutches, 10x10 "run") AND feed them high protein, they have the protein to grow but not the space. When people keep them in large spaces but DON'T give them enough protein, they have the space but not the resources to grow into their legs. I've seen people keep these birds in rabbit hutches until they are 3+ months old. I have seen people keep breeding adult TRIOS in 10x10 cages- the minimum space requirement for them is supposed to be *500* square feet for that many. Once they grow up in that small of a space, there's no recovering from it later in life. They won't ever put on more leg length.

Another thing I want to speak about is tail shape. There are many people online who will tell people bogus ways to sex young birds (particularly whites). Barring/no barring by 3 months (Spaldings can keep it longer, some over a year), spurs/no spurs (plenty of hens have spurs), leg length (a nice hen will have long legs, too), leg thickness (a domestic blue hen will have thick legs, too), chest/neck lacing (I have seen males with this as well), face shape (come on now), "center stripe" chest feathers on males (hens can have this too). There's a lady on FB who thinks she can vent sex peafowl (you cannot, their reproductive junk is too far inside the body).

One of the ways people claim to sex birds on is tail shape. Girls will have an even tail arch, like Eris up there, and boys will have middle feathers on their tail that are taller than the ones to either side.

Except... if Citrine were a white bird with no feather markings, that would get her sexed as a male.

While it's TRUE that ADULT females have a crescent tail and males have a spade tail, until they are 2+, hens can still have the same kind of tail as the males. They're dropping so many feathers so fast as they grow, it can look like anything along the way, and by the time it stabilizes into a proper yearly molt schedule, the male's train feathers will have begin to differentiate.

The most accurate way to sex baby peafowl is blood/DNA sexing, or the LOSS of barring on the backs/wings. Barred wing males do not EVER lose their barring. For solid wing birds, it's blood/DNA sexing or looking for the arrow feathers; hens do not EVER get arrow feathers in their saddles. Anyone that ever tells you otherwise IS guessing- they might be very good at guessing, and some of the stuff it's unusual to see the opposite sex have whatever characteristic (it's /unusual/ for males to have scalloping on their neck, but it CAN happen when they're young), but it's still a best guess until you see a loss of barring or the presence of arrow feathers.

Citrine, by the way, kept her barring til she was almost 6 months old.

#peafowl #peacocks #peahens #my pets #birds #Eris #Citrine #bismuth

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autism-culture-is · 1 year

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autism culture is enjoying the game "Do Not Feed The Monkeys" because

you get to observe human behavior like a scientist

the way it calls them "monkeys" instead of humans. I love observing humans the same way I love observing animals :3

#might look into that wheni have any time. at all.#autistic culture is #autistic culture #actually autistic #citrine-rabbit

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yureipunk · 1 year

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for the shape, could the 'x' be a kinshift? my kinshifts can be untriggered or triggered, but depending on the kintype, i always have a separate identity and mindset for.

like- could it be 'the shape is my [current kintype]'

yes, if it affects more than just your nonhumanity! (which yes, mindset/separate feeling of identity can fall under it!)

#━✩₊̣̇.🌃 asks/ask games #citrine-rabbit

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clusterrune · 10 months

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npd centered/safe blogs

[npd scentered/safe blogs]

active

@ndcultureis

@narcissisticpdcultureis

@enigma-in-reality

@loverofmirage

@npdemu

@npd--bakugou

@selfdxculture (last posted sept.)

@yourlocalnpd (last posted sept.)

@fixingantinpdableism (last posted aug.)

@narcissist-hoarding (our term hoard blog)

@npdfavs

@prideisforeveryonebutcops

@a-sip-of-milo

@narc0path

@nicepersondisorder

@edrecovery-space (we have not posted in a while but are still active)

@fantasy-store

@cpunkwitch

@your-fave-is-crippled

@vineyard-edits

@archival-arrival

@ego-est-ignis

@objectumluv

@butchcoining

@narcissism-awareness (last posted may)

@mischiefmanifold

@npders (last posted aug.)

@queersrus

@apparentlysubhuman

@sapphic-horror

@your-npd-meme-plug (last posted july)

@puffl3m0n / @acetrappolaswife

@pyrocultureis

@hauntedselves

@empath-abuse-awareness

@citrine-rabbit

@narcissists-true-crime (last posted nov)

@kodiescove

@foolishnpd

@nahmanidontwantto

@alphabet-mafia-collective

@duckduckgoose-exe

@npd-haver

@zombie-dyke

@indifferentvincent