#college hard im sad etc.

[smitherscreens]

trying so hard to remember that the world can be beautiful and i just need to stick it out through all the very not beautiful thoughts and feelings i am experiencing right now

[elvenking42]

.

[pub-lius]

Hyper niche question for my autism warrior: What was the perception of aide-de-camps during the AmRev like? I assume it would be viewed as a softer position - though of course, the extent would vary depending who your CO was - but many did see action and a few were reassigned so they could fight

Hey y’all… how y’all doing… i know its been yet another period of many moons since ive posted or answered (i hope this information is still relevant btw), but ive had a lot going on with getting a job, finding colleges, my mommy issues, travel, etc. anyway, im back, and im here to tell you about my main men

It actually was not viewed as a softer position at all! The station of aide-de-camp was highly desirable for several reasons, which i will describe approximately right now

1) people had to compliment you a LOT to get in

Most of the results I got from my research on this ask were letters of recommendation for potential aides-de-camp. Letters of recommendation were high honors for any station, especially for that of a military capacity. According to my favorite source on the American Revolution (which you should know by now), George Washington’s Indispensable Men by Arthur S. Lefkowitz, it was practically impossible to get a job as an aide-de-camp if you did not have a widely positive reputation or a letter of recommendation from someone reputable (or both if you wanted to clerk for the Commander-in-Chief).

I found one letter of recommendation from j*hn ad*ms that i think serves as a very good example of the sort of statements that could land you a seat at a Continental officer’s writing desk:

“There is another Gentleman of liberal Education and real Genius, as well as great Activity, who I find is a Major in the Army; his Name is Jonathan Williams Austin. I mention him, sir, not for the Sake of recommending him to any particular Favour, as to give the General an opportunity of observing a youth of great abilities, and of reclaiming him from certain Follies, which have hitherto, in other Departments of Life obscurd him.”

-John Adams to George Washington, June 19-20, 1775, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania (Founders Online, Washington Papers)

Those are my italics btw. These compliments are carefully chosen to suit the honor culture that was so pervasive throughout the 18th century and first half of the 19th century. A liberal education at the time was very hard to come by, and would be of great importance in a clerical position. Great activity also helps, because you dont want some lazy ass writing to Congress under your name, or god forbid George Washington himself, you might get hung (not really). The mention of youth is also intentional, since young men have always been preyed upon by the military. I think it’s especially noteworthy the final phrase of “reclaiming him from certain Follies”, which indicates that he might have previously had a negative reputation- whether it was warranted or not, im not sure.

2) the pay was fucking fire

For this we’re going to be utilizing my super amazing math scores that im renown for throughout the math community (yall dont know about my math tumblr), and we’re going to be using Alexander Hamilton as our lab rat, as per usual.

Alexander Hamilton joined Washington’s staff in early 1777 where a regular aide-de-camp (not a military secretary) made $33 dollars a month, which averages to about $1.10 a day. Meanwhile, according to the University of Missouri, the highest paid laborer in Massachusetts in the same year made $0.50 a day, which is about $15 a month, others making as little as about $0.22 a day, so around $7 a month. If you’re looking for ratios, by the end of the war, a pound of raisins was around $0.30. So, the highest paid Massachusetts laborer could save up every paycheck from 1777 to 1782 and buy 324 pounds of raisins, and Alexander fucking Hamilton could waltz up next to him and buy 712.8 pounds of raisins and rub it in his sad, poor face. And he wouldn’t even share because he was a congressman by that time and congressmen HATE THE POOR.

Disclaimer: Hamilton’s numbers dont include the time he quit the office bc I didn’t feel like googling how long he was away for and also i dont care. And yeah he probably would share his raisins with the guy, Hamilton was pretty nice, but i dont think he’d buy 712.8 pounds of raisins in Massachusetts anyway. Or maybe he would, I dont fucking know, stop asking me questions

3) it gave you a lot of street cred

There are many instances of aides-de-camps rising to higher status after their service, but i dont give a fuck about those nerds going into politics and law and stuff.

Most people now only know about Washington’s aides (or if you’re really autistic you know Lafayette’s too), but at the time, being an ADC to any general would get you fairly well known in society. General Sullivan’s aides seem to have been pretty well known and admired, as they are frequently mentioned in John Adams’ correspondence with other congressmen, as well as that of Benjamin Franklin with French diplomats all the way across the Atlantic.

But I imagine you’re also wondering (or at least i am) about what the everyday enlisted man thought of the ADCs, and that answer doesn’t really change. Of course, the men sitting out in the rain and mud without food for the past week are going to be envious of the guys who get to sleep in a house, but their quarters weren’t the most comfortable either. Aides-de-camp were probably the most connected out of the disconnected officers, if that makes sense. They weren’t fraternizing with the enlisted, but they were seen by them more frequently than the generals, and they were the ones advocating for the needs of the enlisted men. Even if they didn’t have any battle experience whatsoever (which really was never the case, i cant think of an aide who WOULDNT have seen battle), they would still be respected by the men as hardworkers and the only people who might actually get them food and clothes.

Thank you for the ask! I really enjoyed researching it and my family had a great time joking about me hunched over my ipad reading through the national archives while we all watched jeopardy, misspelling like every other word because its hard to type on an ipad. Im going to try to be more active, so please feel free to send further questions! I forgot how cathartic research is for me so id be very happy to do more. I have one more ask in my inbox i’ll try to get done sometime in the next few days. Love yall!

[itslusii]

hello, good afternoon/evening 😊 , I would like to request a headcanon for pedri gonzales, what would it be like to have a relationship with him (whether he likes him, how he is, and what his love language is like), thank you very much yes you take my request and if not in the same way thank you! 💗🫶💐

Dating Pedri Gonzalez Headcanons ❤️‍🩹

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x Reader

Requested: yes / no

Warnings: um i don’t think so

Author’s Note: Omg omg Hiii !! this is my first request! 😭 thank you so much for this!!! I really hope this is what you were expecting, if not im open to hear any corrections! Hope you enjoy! 🤍🤍

-He would definitely be the kind of boyfriend that would talk about you to his parents and like ramble about how pretty you are and you’re like the best. the biggest simp ever

-His love languages are most definitely physical touch and words of affirmation. Like is less likely he will kiss you and grab your waist in public but he would whisper how gorgeous you look or how much he loves you. Again, simp.

-Also he would remember every. single. detail. of everything you tell him. All the of family tea, how you like your coffee, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite movie, what are your favorites t-shirts of him, etc, etc.

-If you are a student in college he would pick you up and take you wherever you need to ! Sometimes with him training and traveling for the matches and with you the studying it can be hard to coordinate dates and little meetings so any time he gets to spend with you, he’ll soak it up !!

-He would dedicate all his goals to you because well you are one of his main motivations to play. And it is clear to him that without your support he would not have gotten this far.

-His kisses are out of this world. Like he WILL grab you by the waist, pull you closer to him, stare down at your lips and then look back at your eyes for then him just to kiss you with all of his body. Like with every kiss he gives you a part of his soul (okay maybe i did go a little too far with that one but i got carried away sorry😭)

-When it comes to cuddles i have to admit that i don’t see him as the cuddler type, but don’t get me wrong he does love hug you! He definitely does the ‘from the back’ hug when you are standing at the kitchen counter with some hot drink in your hands.

-If you feel sad or frustrated with something he will do ANYTHING to make you feel better. He’ll go from dancing like an idiot for you to smile to letting you cry in his arms while he listens to you ramble and thinking of the best advice he could give you.

-If you have any little siblings he would get along with them so well. Definitely the little kids like him more than you. But when it comes to having some of his own he still thinks that it’s a little soon. But never turn down the idea of the cool uncle. This is for Fer and Fer exclusive.

-Talking about Fer! He would adore you, like he is sooooo happy his baby brother got someone to love him the way he deserves🫶🏼

-His mom and dad of course love you, and whenever you visit them Rosy definitely cooks her famous croquetas that her son loves so much! But if you don’t like them that’s fine she’ll gladly cook something else for you.

-Pedri is so happy he has you in his life❤️‍🩹

[evermoredeluxe]

so I’m training to be a therapist! Got my degree just like in training and going off what last anon has said about how dangling wedding/kids over head is a form of mental abuse.

it actually very very much is. Obviously Taylor wouldn’t come out and say that because sadly in our society people don’t see mental abuse as real abuse.

All Taylor’s songs of Joe has elements of being left/feeling insecure. Talks of being alone/needing to fix him.. that is a very very mentally abusive situation. (Going from her lyrics)

it is well known study imma use generic simple terms cause it’s like fascinating but hard to use big ole terms BUT that some men do use that as a tactic to keep women hooked BECAUSE it is rooted in lots of women’s brains the view society Has given us (even if it’s outdated) the promise of marriage and a forever with someone is the most important and serious promise. Many men know this and use it to trap women. Like Taylor mentions.. the cage.

another thing! There is a term for a relationship where one person feels they have to “fix the other.” If a partner is constantly sad and pushing it on you it’s still very much mental abuse.

from what Taylor has shared in her lyrics, I can say from my knowledge in college and training.. Joe was very manipulative. I won’t save mentally abusive because again, I don’t know them personally. But from what I hear it’s NOT good.

proud of you for chasing what you wanna do!

anyway, as i’ve said before, i don’t like using definitive terms (abuse, etc) unless the other person says it themself because of how sensitive the topic is, but i do still agree with some of what you’re saying. nothing much to add. also, what i think doesn’t get mentioned is how taylor talked about feeling small and how she had to dim her shine to be with him because that screams pretentious & insecure to me (in hindsight). and im a firm believer in supporting people who are struggling mentally, but im not one for accepting mental struggles as an excuse for outrightly being shitty (re: renegade and how hard she was trying to help him vs him just “demolishing” her)

[desultory-suggestions]

hi there, thank you so much for running this blog! i have been following you for a long time and appreciate what you do so much, and i’ve been struggling with something and was looking for an ear or some advice so i thought i would come here.

this summer has been pretty hard on me mentally for a few reasons. being back home with family, as I live across the country for university and even studied abroad this semester, it’s always an adjustment living with people I love but sometimes struggle dealing with. i’m also back to an environment where I have no strict schedule, less friends, no privacy, no personal space, etc., and i got pretty sick for a portion of the summer.

this is my last summer before i graduate and i put many expectations on myself for how it would go (fun/personal life wise, but also academics/career wise). despite this sense of urgency and also these expectations, this past month of june i basically just rotted away in my bed, feeling depressed and anxious and not really doing anything about it. i did go out and about a few times and even got myself hired for two jobs, but there were so many responsibilities i ignored while rotting away and just feeling miserable for myself. now im finally clawing my way out of this hole i dug for myself, and im realizing how much i screwed myself over—all of the things i need to do would have been so much easier and enjoyable (!!!!!) had i not procrastinated. it feels like my memory for june is mainly just a haze when it could have been so great.

my question is—how do i cope with these feelings of self-disappointment, and almost self-disgust for the time i lost? for the moments i could have been better but didn’t? how do i cope with the knowledge that my summer could have looked totally different now, and that the power was in my hands to change it? the rest of my summer is looking pretty busy as i scramble to pick up the missing pieces, and im sad because i wanted it to feel special since it’s my last summer of university. any time i acknowledge the challenges i faced and the victories i did have just feels like making excuses for myself.

anyways, sorry for this ramble, and thank you for your time! i hope you are doing well and enjoying yourself.

Hello, dearest. First of all I want to tell you that I am so proud of you. I know right now you’re struggling with these heavy feelings, and it’s important to know that despite your inner struggles you are seen and loved and respected by those around you.

It sounds like you have worked very hard and been very busy for a long time. I know as a full time college student myself that the amount of work expected of us is often unbearable. People talk about it like a simple process, a part time commitment. It is not! You have been working a constant minimum of a full time job, plus additional work for pay, plus travel, plus family and friends needs, plus basic self care. Of course all of this can be so overwhelming and lead to a sense of burn out. Changing the language you use is giving reasons is not making excuses. Cultivate a mindset of correcting yourself:

“I’m making excuses -> I’m acknowledging the challenges and moving forward.”

I found quickly into college my high achiever mindset flipped into a constant sense of failure. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right, and like I just fell behind everyone else I respect. I wallowed in this for far too long, so trust me when I tell you not to spend all your time worrying about the past. Everyone has had a time like these, sometimes weeks, months, and sometimes years. But it is never too late to change the present and future.

You may not feel like it, but if summer meant laying in bed and barely doing anything maybe that’s what you needed. If your body and mind were too beaten down to do much, that’s not your fault. Remember that you are just one person, and this was one summer. You will have countless more summers to live out your dreams. Summer 2022 I barely left my room, depression, anxious, I pretty much rotted in bed! I was burnt out and struggling. Summer 2023 I worked my ass off at my new job, made friends, and started going to parties and even a music festival. Summer 2024 is now, and I’m in a solid mix of work, school, friends, and working to take care of myself. Life will not always look how we imagine it too, but often it will turn out much better.

Nothing that has already happened can be changed, all you have power over is the current and the future. Tons of people express the same sentiment to me

“I didn’t do X and now all I do is Y and it makes me feel Z so I don’t do X!”

And I totally understand! But this is the trap right here! This is what resembles the grave but isn’t! The more time you spend contemplating what you should have done the more past you create where you didn’t do what you wanted. It is so important to develop the ability to go “oh well, what do I want Now?” This takes practice. When you catch yourself in the internal doomscroll of all that you should have done, literally say “oh well, that’s the past. What do I want to do right now and how can I do it?”

Actions you can take:

- Make a list of goals you have tiered by right away, short term, medium term, and long term. Make sure to include a tier for goals that feel impossible! You’d be surprised what you can do!

- Start by picking one thing you want to change. Go on a walk every day, listen to an audiobook or music on that walk. Bam! Two enriching activities at once. Cook one new recipe a week or every other week.

- When at home from school, work to establish your independence in the home. This is hard! Family dynamics vary, but if you can, try to communicate with your family about personal space and boundaries. Perhaps rearrange your space at home to fit your needs as a more adult space while still maintaining your nostalgic environment.

- Cultivate a positive mindset and excitement for what comes next. This summer is not just an end, it’s a beginning! What do you want next? You can have it if you believe in yourself.

A final piece of advice. I started college with such high hopes and dream of what it would be. The summers with friends, late night studying in the library, goofing off between classes, getting to be this dream idealized self. For various reasons, this didn’t happen. I felt so angry that my experience with college had been tainted and forcefully taken from me, and I stayed angry for a while. This constant obsession with regret starts to eat you alive until you can’t see how good things are right in this moment. This did not get better because I somehow changed the past, it got better because I accepted that this was an idealized dream of one tiny part of my life. It got better when I started aiming towards the future. It’s ok to feel sad that you didn’t get what you wanted, but that doesn’t mean you never will. I am happier for moving on and saying I’d had enough grieving a hypothetical. You are real, you are young and alive and filled with dreams. It will never be too late, and there is nothing you could have missed this summer that cannot be achieved in a happier and healthier situation.

Start making today special. You are filled with light, dreams, and love. You will create the life you dreamed of, filled with adventure and happiness. Treat yourself tenderly, this is your first time being alive, the first last summer of college. You are learning and growing. I am so proud of you as you are now, and all that you will become. Keep the sparks alive, and I’m always here if you need someone to support or another senior in college to lean on!

I hope this helps!

Evan

P.S. here’s a poem that’s helped me!

[hearts4chriss]

Hearts4chriss Homepage ↴

all borders from @fairytopea

What I will write

Chris sturniolo ( mostly )

Matt sturniolo

Nick sturniolo

smut ( Matt and Chris )

fluff

angst ( with happy ending bc I can’t do sad ones💔 )

kinks ( literally any and all except a few in the next part I will absolutely NOT do )

snaps & texts ( all 3 )

what I won’t write

nick x fem reader smut

abuse, sexual abuse etc

Matt and Chris threesome ( not against it I just dk how )

r*pe, incest, non consensual

period sex ( .. )

weird kinks, spit, piss, shit ( ew )

illegal age gap. Ex: 17-20

Request rules ↴

Requests are: open/closed

pls don’t rush !! I have many requests

I do black girls because that’s what I am :) ( if u do request otherwise I will write that but majority I do black girls bc that’s me )

snaps texts and fics and series’s ONLY for now !!

Pls give me a prompt it helps !!

Get to know the writer ↴

my name is Nevaeh

I’m 18

bday on feb 14

I’m African American

I do have terrible anxiety and adhd

I love elephants 🥹 ( fave animal )

fave shows are, The vampire diaries & The originals ON TOPPP ( always rewatching it ) baddies east/west, dance moms, bridgerton, Gilmore girls, scream queens

im an athlete I run track

Im a DIE HARD Chris girl ( like I will get on my knees for this man any day )

I live in Philly ( cold ashit )

I’m from Texas ( I promise in some places it is as bad as it sounds)

AP student, bio, chem, calculus, history, Spanish ( I’m smart don’t playyy )💋

im in college now @ THE Harvard University so I will be busy !!

I will block if u start some bs !!

I’m kinda funny

extroverted but introverted at the start

I mainly listen too, nicki, cardi, ice spice, travis scott, beyoncé, lil bit a t-swift, Ariana grande the weeknd, sza, kehlani, lil skies, bryson tiller, stunna girl, latto, brent faiyaz, & city girls, summer walker, jhené aiko, Rihanna, drake ( rap and r&b mostly )

[ellecdc]

okay no pressure in answering this at all if you’re not comfortable but i’ve been having many Thoughts lately and i wanted to share them with somebody but nobody ik will listen and you’re my favorite blog

i’m on summer break from college right now which means i don’t have a constant stream of Things To Do, so i have a lot of free time, which i usually spending thinking about the marauders (guilty)

but since i’ve been home (abt 3 weeks) ive been getting super overwhelmed in the fandom, not bc of anybody but because i have so much Love for content. like i love the fandom so much and i love fics and fanart and edits and stuff like that, and i don’t think i have a limit

i feel like i spend too much time engaging in the community, or even just thinking about characters (primarily the Noble House of Black lol) and i don’t get me wrong, i love it so much, but almost to a point where it’s overwhelming and i get emotional randomly and sometimes i feel like that’s not normal?

like i feel like i might be genuinely addicted - i haven’t gone a day without opening ao3/tumblr/tiktok to see fandom content in a very long time and as much as i love to embrace that fact, i can’t figure out why that scares me so much

i hope this makes sense. i just needed to tell somebody because im starting to feel like something is wrong with me lol

like i said, no need to respond if you don’t feel comfortable. i just wanted to put it into words

I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with liking something ‘so’ much and being so invested in something as long as it’s not taking away/affecting the rest of your life?

If you’re still able to take care of yourself physically (showering, eating, sleeping, cleaning), and if you’re still able to enjoy your personal and social life (going to work/school etc, hanging with friends, engaging with family members), and it’s not hurting anyone (yourself or loved ones), then what’s the harm?

I literally cannot think about canon at all, I was telling my mutual this the other day - they’d asked me what my other mutuals told me about ATYD because they were thinking of reading it and I told them and literally felt sick to my stomach thinking about it afterwards 😅 like no, perhaps that’s not ‘normal’ but that’s also why I’m in fanfiction? I can’t watch TV shows or movies because I get too emotional and too invested that I can’t handle anything angsty or sad. So I spend time in fanfiction to kind of “fix” it for me, and it makes me happy!

When I was in my first degree probably ~19, I was going through a hard time and would go for walks with my dog like 3 times a day for almost 45mins-1.5 hours each time (so walking almost 3 hours out of the day) just so I could escape my present reality and live in my little daydreams I created for myself. I became so reclusive and was over exerting myself, under eating, not socializing and started getting emotional because I preferred my daydreams to my current reality

Sometimes that’s life saving for people so I am an advocate for people doing what they need to do to get by - BUT - for me, that’s when it became unhealthy

So no, i don’t think liking/loving fanfic “too much” is abnormal (maybe it is but then we’re all freaks here) and i don’t think it’s unhealthy unless you’re unable to care for yourself otherwise

[otterkinflyswalker]

just a vent (tw emotional abuse and queerphobia).

im so tired of ppl saying "projection/self-insert is cringe" fuck you not all of us are lucky enough to have really good support systems/therapy. it's hard enough going through a tough situation without ppl like this shaming u for having a coping mechanism. projection is a great way to feel supported when you don't have that many ppl supporting u irl

i'm living in a homophobic household as a lesbian whose gender is a whole clusterfuck. it's been a little over three years since i tried to come out and was rejected blatantly. ever since then my mom and i have fought like every single day. it's rarely even abt my sexuality/gender-- just about things like my interests, my grades, my college applications coming up, etc. often these fights escalate to the point of blatantly terrible statements-- "i regret ever having you," "i don't love you," "you disappoint me." she always apologizes, ofc, and occasionally she says she doesnt remember saying that stuff, but i remember it. it's almost like coming out just opened the floodgates for all our other issues. disclaimer my mom is actually so cool most of the time but these fights have a rlly bad impact on my mental health.

i know this is terrible, but god it hurts to see people with supportive parents. obviously im not angry they're being supported. that's great i'm really happy for them it just makes me so sad because i can't even imagine what that's like. but i think the most painful thing about seeing so many ppl with supportive parents is that it makes me feel so alone. and that's where the projection bit comes in.

by projecting on my fav characters, i'm just slightly less alone, and what im going through is just slightly cooler. oh i have trust issues from being in the closet? swag so does kaito vocaloid. oh i'm living in an emotionally abusive household? kaito vocaloid did that too. oh i have to hide my long-term relationship from my parents for another year or two before i'm free to make my own choices and every single second i'm terrified i'm going to be found out? well if kaito vocaloid and kamui gakupo could make it through then why can't i.

i know that sounds really fucking pathetic but it's fucking helping me get out of bed in the morning. i dont give a shit if it's "cringe." i'd rather be cringe than dead.

tldr: fuck the haters. if i'm a lesbian lego batman is too

[j2zara]

Hiiiiii~ 2, 4, 7, 10, 22, 24, 30 for the fic writer game! 💖

Hiiiii friend! Sorry this took all day my brain is dead rn

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

Lol i'm banging my head against the wall getting killed by LJ3porter fic so i'm like. Right in Girlfail Ellie J4 POV hell rn!!!! She's so fun and i do think writing for her is both easy and hard in that i enjoy doing it (and tbh i think i default to her pov usually when im in LJ3 mode) but i worry i make her way too sopping wet and pathetic. Which she can be pathetic but i worry im going like. way too sad wattpad girl with her.

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

OK! I've talked about a few different things before so i'm gonna. Well. I'm two sentences into twelfth night j2 being sent to pursue Jace on Porter's behalf fic so i feel like that counts as "not written yet." I also talk about how. I think doing a reincarnation au for LJ3 or the clones in general would be so fun. i'm not sure what kind tho, the version in which they're all new teachers at aguefort is so fun and kinda stuck in my brain now. Plus i wanna write Barbarian teacher Tiefling!Ellie x Sorcerer teacher Aasimar!J3 like so so so so bad i think it would be such a funny way to have them never escaping the torment nexus. I also think it would be fun to write something abt LJ3 in their friends with benefits era. Or maybe one of their more official "date nights". I think if they got into doing roleplay in the bedroom is would be so so so so so so fucking funny. Like. Pretending the other is stranger they picked up at the bar or something.

7. your preferred writing fonts

Tbh i kinda would like to find a perfect writing font? I tend to default Arial and it doesn't look perfect its honestly kinda offputting but. my strategy is. When I feel like my writing looks so so so busted i switch to Verdana which is closer to the ao3 font so i can better visualize how it's gonna look. And that helps a bit. Idk im sick.

10. what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

That's a good question. Actually? A couple years i think? I abandoned my old talentswap for a couple years before picking it up again in college. (tbh my current ch 3.3 is STILL unfinished so i abandoned it again). Tbh i'm not good at letting drafts rest and returning back to them. I either try to power through or end up abandoning it which i don't love

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

I try not to but like. Yeah. I'm stressed basically every time. I joke that when i write original fiction that i have a hoard of angry twitter pearlclutchers that live in my head ready to rip everything i do to shreds but i try not to listen to them. But i'm worried every time. This has nothing to do with how i feel about you guys tbh i wildly underestimate your guys kindness and goodwill just bc im very hard on myself

I was anxious abt IYWD (I was worried it was gonna come across as too soft or too apologetic). I was anxious that nobody would take to Dyke!Jace/Zara in Who Can Blame a Girl, or i wouldn't be able to sell it

I probably MOST anxious of all about Almost (I was SO stressed that ppl were not gonna vibe at all with Bluejay or not gel with the whole "what if the clones were actual characters" , "born to love porter cliffbreaker, forced to do menial tasks for jaceprime" etc etc thought experiment. and i was so so so so so so scared about dropping the nickname Bluejay i was worried it was gonna be completely stupid and i was completely off the mark)

I was anxious abt Biggest Lie (i was worried it wasn't hot enough or maybe too violent or that it was maybe too shamelessly just like. smut lol).

And after Almost i was probably second most anxious about Stay / Leave. It was just a wip i really struggled with and idk it was so.... insular i guess? b/c it was so niche and the wip ended up being SO LONG and kinda emotional and sappy? Like again i think i was having the same doubts i had abt j2 in which i was like what if i can't sell people on this relationship. What if i've failed to convey something sincere. (that one was crazy tho bc i really really really really tried to release it and not care what happened bc i knew only a handfull of ppl would read it and i really really really tried to be cool and for a while i was but it was just hard i was so nervous and i don't think it was anyones reaction is really was just my nerves that were putting me in such a bad and upset mood and then over the next day or two i. I made this joke earlier that like. I PROMISE and hope i'm not overinflating my ego when i say this like i'm perfectly aware that i just write silly smut online but it really was so so so so funny. to see everyone practically overnight be like.... wait. Are LJ3..... in love??? And now LJ3 is like such an integral part of clone lore.

24. how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

That's a good question bc i feel like. When i'm stuck in one medium i tend to just try and distract myself with another so when im bad at drawing i write and when im bad at writing i draw. But thats not exactly recharging. Tbh i do think i need to find better things in my routine that rejuvenate me i think i haven't been particularly good at treating myself well lately

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

I'm cringe and usually will shill if you want divinity (you're gonna have to go through me) as one of my favorite things i've ever written. But im also extremely confident most of y'all have already read it. I'm very very hard on myself so i swing between thinking the things i make suck and also being like. Fairly proud of all of them.

But idk it was my first ambitious thing i wrote and FINISHED in a long time and honestly? I do think its slightly better than the rest bc the iterations are all reliant on the original so they're very intertextual and repetitive which isn't BAD but. The extra work it took to make IYWD work makes it feel different to me. There's a LOT of stuff in it that i'm proud of that i honestly kind of miss b/c Porter is so smitten for Jace in a way he hasn't been in things i've written in a long time. I'm a softy who likes when jaceporter are soft and kinda in love... sue me... And like. i always feel so self congratulatory talking about the Loving To the Point of Invention Detect Thoughts + Teleport but i really felt good about coming up with that. And i still like the flashbacks a lot. It always feels so embarrassing to admit that i like. Get emotional thinking about the flashback of them on the bed. Sometimes i tailor make a scene just for me. "I promise i'm never going to let anything happen to you ever again" "as a paladin or a barbarian" "both" is like. Such a scene just for me. And I think the ending is good too. "I'll take it. I'll take it all" just felt so. fitting. It's so him getting to hear himself say to porter "i'll take the thing with you that is broken and fucked and full of compromises even if it has to end". Sigh. Sometimes you're an english major and you agonize over being a good writer for like two decades and realize that you might not be as horrible as you think.

(For the record. i think if i were to rank what i've written for fantasy high from fav to least fave, i'd say IYWD, Biggest Lie, Stay / Leave, Who Can Blame a Girl, Almost, Tell Me How, and it feels weird to put Almost that low bc i do like it. Tbh i regret making it so short i think i could've pushed it further)

Anyway!!! This got long winded as hell. Thanks for the asks they were fun to do!

Send me Fic Writer Asks! / Here are the questions!

[kjhmyg]

not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3

[dustteller]

What are some fantasy books you consider represent colonialism wrong/from a very white or colonial pov?

Sorry you dont have to tell which books etc you were vagueing im just genuinely interested !

Hmm, this is tough bc for the last three years most of the books I've consumed have been for college, and most of the stuff on Imperialism has been nonfiction for my PoliSci classes. When I wrote that post, I wasn't just thinking about books, but about media as a whole.

Now, I want to make it very clear that I don't necessarily consider any of the following works ✨️Problematic✨️ because they fail to capture certain elements of Imperialism/Colonialism (I'm using the terms interchangeably bc they're similar enough that in fiction they tend to get glomped together, but they're actually technically two different things but also It Does Not Matter). I don't consider a white person not completely grasping colonialism a moral failing. My issue is less moral and more of annoyance at how so often we hold up white people as the standards for writing about something *they didn't even write about well*.

And with that point made: Avatar. It's Avatar. Not the blue people movie (that one's awful, but I don't think I need to explain why), it's AtLA. Listen, I really do love AtLA. It's a great show that does an excellent job at demonstrating that just because something is targeted to children it doesnt have to be dumbed down and can still tell an incredible story. I also think that the showriters did a lot of research in order to write the Fire Nation and it's imperialist actions. It touches on a lot of elements of imperialism that a lot of other media fails to capture. It's a good show, it really is.

But it is still a children's show written by a bunch of white people. It annoys me to no end that people hold it up as The Pinnacle Of Anti-Imperialist-Colinialist-Racist Writing, the Golden Standard To Which All Things Must Be Held, when really its Baby's First Look Into Politics. It was WRITTEN to be Baby's First Look Into Politics. Half of its target audience is still literally munching on crayons.

I also don't like how it handles a lot of things. A lot of people have brought up Hama, but I also think that it doesn't do a great job with the Jet stuff. Again, its a children's show. Its HAS to show the right socially accepted moral lesson that Pacifism Best and Killing Bad. If you study real life imperialism tho, extremism is its natural consequence. Almost always, when there is a successful revolution, it IS led by extremist groups, because those are the people most willing to sacrifice themselves! I think AtLA does a good job at portraying Jet and Hama as sympathetic, but it also goes very hard on the Still Bad angle. The thing is, Aang's my way or the highway deal only really works because he's the Universes Specialest Boy Avatar. I don't think there's much of an aknowledgement that there really isn't much that people like Jet CAN do if its not turn to more extremist measures. I know a lot of white people are very pro-pacifism and love clean revolutions, but thats just. Not how it works.

If you're part of a colony, the sad reality is that you Will continue being a colony unless you can find a way to perform a mass upheaval of the existing system. And, sadly, the only viable way to do this for a lot of the colonized is violence. And violence born in anger is not known for being Clean and Pretty and Morally Just. I don't like the trend of holding colonized peoples solely accountable for their actions in response to the incredible colonial violences of an empire. I get to murder you indiscriminately, but you can't dare to murder in my general direction back, or you're just as bad as I am. Actions don't exist in a vacuum.

I think this is where AtLA's view on politics is weakest, because I feel it fails at providing a viable alternate measure to the actions of Hama and Jet. Aang, and by extension team avatar, has a privilege that they don't have access to. They're just mean to sit there and wait to be saved, I guess.

Also we spent three seasons seeing the after effect of a single shitty Emperor that the Avatar trusted deciding he was gonna be shitty and starting a hundred years of imperialism like some evil aureliano buendia, only to at the end immediately put Zuko on the throne? Maybe Zuko is a good emperor, but can you guarantee his kids will be? His grandkids? What happens if he gets murdered, Azula gets to take the throne and starts Being Evil again? The system remains unchanged, and it can still be abused in the exact same ways.

I bring up AtLA because I think it demonstrates these two aspects that I think make a lot of Imperialism According to White People (IAtWP) narratives fall flat to me. I use AtLa as an example precisely because its a good story, because I want to demonstrate that getting some stuff right and putting in effort and ending up with a good product doesn't mean that a work WON'T have these issues.

Generally, IAtWP narratives will have a very morally pure view on rebellions and demand higher levels of moral righteousness from the colonized than it does from the oppressed, or they will be overly dark and gritty and "realistic" and will refuse to interact with the morality of the setting, being an Everyone Bad, Actually narrative. Secondly, IAtWP stories tend to see Imperialism as a Good People/Bad People issue. Usually they will aknowledge the failures of an imperialist system, but they will still uphold the "superiority" of the imperialist system by treating it as the only way to govern, ergo revealing that they cannot conceive of alternate methods of rule.

On that second point, white american/european people who live in an imperial system never seem to grasp the idea that those poor suffering colonized masses are also capable of the concept of innovation. I think where a lot of white leftists fail when interacting with anti-imperialist rhetoric is that they limit themselves to the anti-imperialism. They can recognize that imperialism is bad, but they can't concieve of the colonized as anything BUT colonized. Even while free, they are Free From Imperialism. The truth is, we have entire fields of scholarship discussing the intricacies of how to navigate freedom. There's internal debates in politics and public and academia about how freedom will work for us. I'm going to talk now from a puertorrican/latin american perspective, since that's my field of specialization. Freedom is not an abstract concept to us. We have spent decades examining the fabric of our society to find alternatives to the current system. Here in Puerto Rico, the modern independence conversation dates back all the way to the 19th century. For most of that time, Puerto Rico and Cuba acted in conjunction when it came to academic matters. Until Castro, you did not discuss Puertorrican independence without Cuba also being talked about, because there was a very strong solidarity between the two nations. This is, of course, without mentioning the work that Haiti and the Dominical Republic also shared with us, as well as a wider Latin America. If you read W.E.B Du Bois' essays on imperialism, he does not focus only on Africa, but he also frequently talks about Latin America and Asia and MENA and even some European nations/ethinicities/racial groups when discussing unity. If we look at Political Science, the Dependence Theory, which is one of the frameworks through which imperialism and colonialism are understood today, was pioneered by Latin American and South/South East Asian academics in conjunction, academics of dozens and dozens of countries that worked and interacted and argued with each other to create a field of scholarship that directly countered the trends in white academia of the time. Even more colloquially, I do not know a single Puertorican that knows the basics of the history of the Philippines that does not solidarize with them and consider them our siblings in the same way that we think of the rest of Latin America. The Global South is not composed of a bunch of meek little victim nations, isolated within our own colonial bubbled, but of over a hundred countries that actively interact with each other's ideas.

I find white authors and creators often do not understand the level at which imperialism has effected the very way that we think about the world, or at the level to which we talk to each other about it. To them, we only exist within the context of interractions with our colonial powers. They often underestimate the level of solidarity in thought that has formed within nations BECAUSE of imperialism. And as a result, they always write overly simplistic resistance moments lead by vague ideologies and people that don't know what they're talking about. Theres a lot more to resistance than the resistance itself, there has to be a strong backbone of intellectual tradition to back it up.

I went off on a bit of a tangent there, but I still think it's important when discussing how white creators fail at portraying imperialism and colonialism. They fail by not being able to see it from the point of view of the colonized. I know I didn't fully answer the question, but I hope this makes sense and helps you understand the framework through which I judge a piece of media that interacts with the themes of Colonialsm and Imperialism. I just want to add here at the end, that this is just how I see it, and not an Objectively Correct Method Of Identification or anything. I know a lot of people that consider things differently, because we all have different frameworks which we use to view the issue. Its not a matter of being right or wrong, but a matter of how we all interact with the world differently. Now, please pray for me that I don't get murdered for this.

[femmefatalevibe]

Hello Femme, I hope your week has been wonderful.

Id love some advice: I tend to be worried about what others think.

I shouldn’t. But I am an extroverted person and I tend to love attention without realizing it.

Im always new to spaces: a transfer student all my life (I moved several times when I was younger, losing friends, gaining them then losing them again. Even in college I transferred to a university. I have friends but it’s not tight like everyone else. It’s very surfaced). I am often always over looked and I am always checking in on others and rooting for everyone around me but everyone else will compliment everyone else (this happened at my job recently. We did anonymous positivity and I got nothing from my colleagues and others did.. and this happened to me In highschool so I’m starting to see a pattern and it sort of hurts). I always feel isolated - no matter how hard I try to socialize and be kind.

I always feel discounted and disconnected from everyone else.

I didn’t try in the past to befriend others or talk to everybody but I realized how sad it made me feel (I’m always the one reaching out to others but it’s not replicated), I love people. I’m a empathic person.

I began to put myself out there but I appeared overbearing to one person- (they didn’t say this but I felt I did seem that way because they stopped talking to me and acknowledging my existence— we work together).

I’m just sad.

Idk why I’m always overlooked.

Or just not seen.

Everyone who speaks to me it feels surfaced and fake (even though I choose to be transparent and genuine).

I’m an only child as well so it makes things worse.

I feel awful.. and sometimes I feel like a bad person for wanting to be seen or appreciated.

I would like your insight. Thank you

Hi love! Constantly moving from place to place when you're young and never being able to establish different stable friendships/relationships from a young age is a challenging pattern to break.

While I don't know you personally, I realized from my own experiences of being shy as a young person/teen that I often was overlooked/not spoken to in a group of peers or coworkers because I came off as closed-off and insecure. From my assumptions, people could sense my discomfort in my own skin and were turned off by this energy. Once I decided to be comfortable with who I was and made the goal of my interactions with people to be relaxed, so everyone felt heard & welcomed, socializing instantly became a lot easier.

Don't look like you're trying to force or perform connection/friendship. Try to strike up a natural conversation, appear/act relaxed and how you would want a friend to be around you (generally optimistic but real, have a sense of humor, good listener, curious about what you have to say, doesn't take themselves too seriously, is interested in the world around them, etc.)

Hope this helps xx

[richardsphere]

Leverage Redemption Log: The Work Study Job

Ultraviolet catastrophe is indeed a great bandname.

Girl walks in, "how could you"... im putting money on plagiarism? (its the only crime i can think of a student could figure out. Sure he could be working on a quantumphysics/nucear radiation based weapon for the military, but a student wouldnt know) Pressed continue, im right. Stage fright/anxiety. As someone who has never been diagnosed with anxiety but has some pretty anxiety-esque tendencies... this will be a hard episode for me. --- Skipping over the "client meeting" bit, cause nothing much happened there (besides the obvious) Back at the theatre Breanna has the powerpoint. Turns out, not only is he a fraud he's also a climate-change denialist (not because he doesnt believe in it, lobbyists just pay him).

Turns out Harry used to go to this school (he also used to do "little yellow pills")

Harry and Breanna are ideologically seperated? (i dont think they are, Harry isnt saying "the system works", for godssake he's on team leverage AKA team fuck the system) but we're gonna be force-fed some BS here. But Breanna is being really harsh here. Like all Harry is saying is "I have connections here, and I have built up enough credit with 'donations' that these doors are open to us".

Harry: Look guys, The slow option exists and any crime involved in getting her her research back could permanently destroy the girls legitimately and ultimately cost her the very future we're trying to get her back. If we steal it from him and she gets her stuff back, he'll just claim she stole it from him. Sad Parker: But I love crime! Harry: Ok you can do a little crime, as a treat.

Sophie is calling the shot: We'll at least give the official route a chance. (She does not seem to be under any illusions it'll work but have to get started somewhere) --- I agree with Sophie, "ultimate frisbee" is a dumb name for a sport.

Dean Alreadyforgothisname drops a tech billionaire, which feels like either someone we'll return to later in the episode or a future mark.

Elliot is stealing the camerafeed for Breanna, But gets spotted by someone who redirects him elsewhere to fix whatever needs fixing. Parker complains that college campusses, campussi? Campi? are too easy. The one way to prevent Elliot from kicking your ass: Be someone he genuinely likes and/or pities. (he's gonna be evil isnt he? Obligatory third act twist) Harry cant distract this guy too long, They find the stuff (its behind the whiteboard) but while Parker manages to hide Breanna is found --- Breanna, when a mark says "oh you're the janitor" your response is "yes let me just take the trash out", confirm their suspicions and biases. But now that you've failed the slam dunk exit time to flatter his glasses and ego, (and bait him with a new, promising student he can plagiarise next) He tries to bait her with an impossible question, but she sees through it and exposits that she actually knows what she's talking about. But breanna has made herself an opening next monday --- So he's looking to "sell" (techcically lease) the patent to this clean fusion research to an oil company.

Mr "genius" doesnt seem to understand what "installed backwards"means.

Breanna stalls and redirects the oilguy, Floyd is about to interfere with Elliot. Harry is going to request the hearing,

Floyd is suprisingly happy with Elliot. Are we shock-therapying the Oilcorpo?

Oh Floyd has friends (presumably the actual backbone staff of the institution, secretaries, accountants etc.) --- Ok so its a secret Illuminati order of janitorial staff. I've seen this joke before but also, dont mess with the janitors man. They know where the bodies are hidden as well as where to hide yours.

As far as taking Gray down, Elliot just won the fucking lottery.

Meanwhile Harry gets what amounts to an out-and-open admission of corruption from the Dean. (Rule number 1: Never admit to your crimes where Leverage is near. They have recorders in their ears. The Dean's job priviliges are hereby revoked.)

"we need all the crime". Simple line but it works. 8.6/10 --- New plan: Convince Gray that the girl stole the research from a third party and its way more valuable then he thinks.

Breanna tells Emma to help Sophie

Sophie on a greenscreen doing a Ted Talk, Elliot plants a book with Sophies thesis in the library.

Gray just entered the suplycloset/Sophies Lair. Sophie, you could've waited 1 minute, given him the time to steal stuff on camera and strengthen your futures.

--- Time to feign Tech Billionaire Status (that guy from earlier is getting dropped again) HARDISON IS PLAYING THE SPACEBILLIONAIRE! I am loving this. They really realised exactly how much leniancy a greenscreen gave them to work around this guys schedule. the legit look of glee on Sophie's face when she realises Hardison is joining this con. She (character) doesnt even need to fake it. (i dont want to presume on the feelings of the actor)

Hardison, you ducked up your coverstory in the first line. A tech billionaire admitting that their people did the work not themselves? God if only we lived in a world where that really happened. (i mean an ideal world obviously wouldnt have billionaires in the first place but one step at a time)

Gray has taken the bait. Sophie boner-baits him into a rush decision.

Problem with a violin scam, what if they have an actual buyer lined up. --- Ok so list of problems: Getting Emma in the room, Goading Gray to over-extend. Getting rid of a billionaire's security. thats 1 big problem and like, 2 quarters of a problem. (Emma is the legit issue, anxiety sucks)

Huh this tech billionaire is actually rather open minded and sensible. Ah they let him realise they're conning him to move the guards out of play.

All the janitors working together to funnel this guy into his doom. Gray tries to prevent Emma from meeting the Tech Billionaire just in time for commercial break. (he's about to gloat on a wire, while the billionaire is locked in a box with a functioning speaker hearing him admit everything) --- Oh yeah the billionaire went to school here, he's been in Gray's class and knows enough science to know that when a professor claims to have all the answers rather then admit "i dont know that, i'll look into it" from time to time its a big red flag. Obviously fuck billionaires, but on the scale of fictional billionares this guy is pretty good.

"I have Tenure" "We have a Harry".

[revoltinglittleworm]

had the grand idea of going back to school again (again). ive been well aware of the fact that i want this for myself, and have felt robbed of the entire school experience. and im not even just talking about college, my entire experience with school and learning has been for the majority, very bad and uncomfortable, practically all due to mental health problems.

i started an application for FIT. (fashion school...) when i first went to college, it was originally with the plan that i was going to study fashion. (at Parsons. before i ended up dropping out).

do i feel ... kind of crazy? yeah. maybe its a horrible idea but honestly the more i think about it the more it sounds like a good thing. i am unhappy with my current job. my life feels stagnant and like nothing is going to ever change unless i force it to. and i am lacking certain skills/knowledge that i want to gain and i see that happening with a place like a fashion school.

also, the only reason it would be a horrible idea is because of the financial aspect of it. if college wasn't so disgustingly expensive then it would be fine and positive and a Good thing to go and learn and explore and better yourself. its really sad that capitalism robs us all of anything good in life.

but anyway-- i dont know how the rest of the application looks or when it all needs to be done but i've done the most basic steps so far, (requested my transcripts, filled out my info for FIT/New York State college stuff).

if you dont already know, i spend majority of my time working with dogs, and as much as i love it and find it relatively easy, it isnt stimulating enough nor is it allowing nearly enough time and energy to be used towards my creative endeavors which are what truly matter to me. i've been doing this job for 3 years now... i am so tired and feel stumped creatively because my art has not been consistent or worked on enough because who has the time and energy!!?? not me!!

i have a lot of things i'd like to work on, a lot of goals, and a lot of ambition. my ideal situation is, im making my own clothing and accessories full time at home, while i also continue to work on the novel im writing. freelance jobs on the side too, i guess. and in the future i'll have plenty of other things to strive for, but what i want now is to be able to make things i find beautiful, things i think represent me and how i see the world, etc...

im stuck in an awful cycle of: i need to get out of this job which means i need to work extra hard creating so i can have the money and means to quit BUT im so tired all the time after work that i cant push myself so ill continue to do this job i dont want because i need money to survive and be miserable and wish and wish and wish i was in a good financial place with a steady foundation for my art/sales.

;/

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

hello 💗 wishing you a lovely valentines :)

heres my confession. ..... i wanna put myself out there more.. ive been honestly feeling like a baby, doing badly at college, jobless, aimless, inexperienced compared to friends my age, so..i just want to have more experiences this year, a job,going to places events bars local art stuff etc...., and hopefully those new environments can bring me closer to also new people ....:)

i feel profoundly for my friends..sometimes its sad to have to 'define ' "platonic" vs"romantic".... Do you know what i mean..? Its a beautiful feeling that i do not want to dismiss inside me even if i know expressing that is a whole diff thing

wishing U the best . Ur blog reminds me to stay hopeful. Its so easy to turn cynical.haha. sorry for the word vomit .... i wanna listen to people better too so it feels selfis of me to share so much but i am grateful for your openness to anon confessions i assume you feel similarly about sharing ?

^ yet you always give off a very, genuine interest in others , and thats so valuable

speaking is very hard , saying anything to another person, so i realized when someone shared something, that must be really delicate & Treasurable. Something to take with care

Its always worth it 2 reach out 2 others i think we need community more than ever. Much love 2U and anyone reading this . SPREAD THE LOVE.💗🌍🌎🌏💗💘🩷❤️

- 🌊💫🌙☀️🩷🌈

thankyou for this <3 no need to apologize for "word vomit" , it's all valuable to me, this is the reason i asked for confessions in the first place ^^ every day i am endlessly grateful for the tumlblr anonymous message feature & the way it empowers people to speak in a way that transcends their personal identity. to be able to facilitate a place where ppl trust me with their secrets & i trust u all enough to be able to leave anon turned on without fear of receiving hate. its not st i take for granted <333 i am overwhelmingly interested in everyone on earth lol. i want to help preserve traces of humanity for future gens.

please don't feel it's se;lfish to express yourself! especially when someone is asking you to :] people want to know more about you, im sure. its great to hear ur motivated to put urself out there. "inexperience" is a subjective thing, it's all relative.. for example i never went to college & im a 30 yr old neet w no money, compared to people my age im waaaay "behind", however i feel deeply experienced in emotional matters, death, love, spirituality, etc ! Everyone has something unique to bring to the table.

and dont be afraid to love your friends as fiercely as you would love a romantic partner. treasure them!! friendships can be so freeing when you love each other vastly but there's less expectations & pressure than a romantic partnership. Community is the answer to so many of the world's pronblems rn, we can start small in our own lives to help encourage it. even just by blogging together ^-^

thankyou for this awresome and thoughtful confession anon.. have a wonderful valentines<333333333