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whalyrae · 1 month

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THE OLD GUARD - CHAPTER 4

"We don’t get a say on how it ends, we never have. But we can control how we live."

Summary : You are a powerful witch, cursed and hurt through ages. Owner of your esoteric shop, you were resigned to live this lonely life when the powerful magic of soulmates and fate came to you.

Pairing : poly BTS x reader (she/her)

Genre : soulmate au, demons bts au, witch y/n au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, polyamory relationships

Status : In process

Word Count : 5k

Warnings : eventual smut, angst, mention of depression, death, suicide, past trauma, violence, blood, past (sexual) abuse, past torture, PTSD, scars, self harm, and more.

Tag list : @blackrockshooter780 @babyymeme @starrlo0ver @suckerforv @mushroom-main @m1sss1mp @prettydancingdamzel @i-have-no-life-charlie @avadakadabra93 @veronawrites @kawaiikpoplover268 @didi-9310 @ghostlyworld @carolinexkpop @gooooomz @00ihatesnaku

A/N : After months of struggling with life, health, mental health issues... I can FINALLY POST AGAIN !! This chapter was really hard to write (I cried a little at the end ngl :D), I have constant writer block, constant impostor syndrome... I have the perfectionnism trait but in a toxic way really TT.TT Don't hesitate to like and reblog !! Also don't be afraid to leave a little comment or if you have any questions, here or in anon in my inbox !! they are really really welcomed, I love reading all your impressions and thoughts !!

Also thank you so much !! I was inactive for a very long time and I still got daily alerts with people who liked/kudos the chapters and the story :(( I can't express (yeah i'm an author and i can't express through words LOL) how much i'm grateful :(( ♥♥

ps : ah and sorry if there is any mistakes or anything it's almost 2:30am when I post this and I had an really emotionnal day fgkfdhlfk LOVE YALL MUAH ♥

Playlist link : The Old Guard Playlist

Masterlist | ao3 | wattpad

Chapter 3 // Chapter 5

☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾ ☾

She was wondering whether it would be better to ask Handong to stay with her. She had assured her that she would handle the situation and that Handong could go home. She knew that Gahyeon would need her at their coffee shop.

However, now that she was in the living room of the seven boys, her soulmates’, after bringing one of them in an utterly unconscious state for a reason as unknown to them as it was to her, she was starting to regret this decision.

She couldn't understand what had happened with Jin the moment their eyes met. She couldn't say anything, the words were stuck in her throat as they stared at each other without a word. He parted his lips as if he wanted to say something, but just like her, nothing came out.

He'd known she was his soul mate, of course he could feel it. Just like her. But had he recognized her? Did he know that the two of them were the firsts of their soulmate bond to meet, long before any of the other six were born? She couldn't be sure and didn't have time to find out.

She had seen his features contort in pain, and without a word, he had collapsed. Luckily, Handong, who had seen them, was able to catch him in time, preventing him from falling to the ground and potentially injuring himself.

Thanks to a spell that increased her strength tenfold, she could carry him without Handong’s help and any difficulty to the place where he lived with his mates. But she couldn't stop herself from hurrying, worried sick about him.

And that's where she is now. Jungkook helped her carry Jin to the living room, laying him on the sofa. While Yoongi woke up Taehyung and Namjoon. Jimin and Hoseok hurried to get a damp cloth on Jin's forehead.

Namjoon and Taehyung stormed into the room, not hiding their surprise at seeing her there in total panic.

However, they didn't ask any questions. Yoongi probably had to explain to them what happened and what was going on.

She was standing in front of the sofa where Jin was lying, staring at the unconscious demon, his features distorted by pain. The sight of him was enough to make her stomach twist with soreness.

"Hey, Noona..." Jimin's soft voice startled her. He was standing next to her, a comforting smile on his lips, "Everything’s going to be fine, don't worry..."

She didn't even know what to say. She didn't dare to look him in the eye, or any of the other boys. The guilt she'd been carrying around with her all these centuries was only getting stronger.

She could hear voices behind her, probably the boys talking amongst themselves, or maybe they were trying to talk to her. She didn't know. Nothing around her was clear and precise. Her vision was blurring, her heart rate had been racing for a while and she was getting worse.

She gasped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned round abruptly, facing Namjoon. The other boys were behind him, except for Yoongi who was next to Jin.

"Hey," he greeted her with a gentle smile, "don't worry, everything's going to be fine,” he repeated Jimin’s words, “You're having a panic attack, I'm gonna help you, okay? Look at me."

His voice was soft and reassuring, it had a calming effect on her. His presence and warmth invaded her whole being, despite the anxiety attack she was having.

She raised her eyes to meet him. Slowly, he tells her to take long, deep breaths. The first time, she breathed in and breathed out. Then a second time. And a third.

Finally, her breathing returned to normal and her heart rate calmed. Seeing this, Namjoon gave her another smile, his fingers caressing her shoulder to calm her down.

She had the strange impression that Namjoon probably possessed some kind of power capable of influencing the emotions, feelings, or even bodily reactions of the people he touched. Or maybe it was just the soulmate effect.

"Feeling better?"

"Yes... Thank you..." She replied with a small smile, seeing Hoseok approach her with a glass of water. "Thanks… and sorry, I wish we'd met under different circumstances..."

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'm enchanted to meet you."

Hoseok gave her a big, bright smile, which he succeeded in communicating to her.

"I guess you guys have questions... and why did I show up with Jin in this state..."

She turned her attention to Jin. A wave of emotion suddenly washed over her as she realized that yes, he was there, in the same room as her. Her soul mate, the first to cross her way, the one she'd lost so suddenly and brutally centuries ago. A mixture of joy, sadness, guilt, and apprehension.

"Do you know what's going on with him? And why is he in this condition?" Hoseok asked curiously, taking back the glass she'd just drunk in one long sip.

She bit her lower lip nervously. She had to tell them. Jin was their soulmate, just like he was hers.

But where to start?

"Come on, settle down here."

Yoongi straightened up to install her on the sofa, right next to Jin still unconscious. He'd then sat down next to her, while the others had taken seats in front of her, Namjoon and Hoseok on the low table, the maknae on the floor, clinging to each other.

The sight made her smile gently. But quickly the smile disappeared, replaced by apprehension. The words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. She knew that the moment had come, that once she'd told them everything, they'd hate her, reject her, and she’d lose the people she'd waited for all her life.

"Noona... I can smell your fear all the way up here..." murmured Jimin, her eyes landing on him with surprise, "I'm an empath, by the way..." he explained with a shrug.

"You don't have to be an empath to sense the fear radiating from her." chuckled Taehyung, teasing his companion who gave him a nudge on the shoulder, "Oops, sorry sweetie."

"I know that from the moment you will know the whole story, you'll never want to hear from me again and I... argh that's the last thing I want," she admitted with a sad smile. The events of the last few days had paralyzed and overwhelmed her in some ways when it came to making the right decisions, and she was extremely upset with herself about this.

"But I think I need to stop being scared, and selfish like I have been."

"We could never hate you," Hoseok said firmly, the others all giving signs of approval, "no matter what you've done."

"Tell us all the horrible things you ever did, and let us love you anyway."

She recognized Namjoon's words. And she wasn’t surprised that he could quote Edgard Allan Poe, considering the circumstances of their first meeting.

She couldn't deny that his words made her feel a tinge of comfort, because he was sincere, and every one of the other boys thought so.

But they didn't know the whole story yet, so the chances of them thinking differently once they knew the whole truth were pretty high.

"Where to start..." she took a long breath, "Jin... I met him before I even knew I was immortal. That was... uh... it seems like an eternity now, at the beginning of the 15th century."

She expected the exclamations of surprise that followed.

"Wait... you mean you and Jin hyung..." Jungkook fell silent to think.

"Why didn't he ever tell us about you then? And why have we never met you before ?” asked Yoongi skeptically, "You're our soulmate, his soulmate, how could he..."

"It's more complicated than it sounds..." she sighed, scratching the back of her head nervously. "I always knew I was a witch, my mother was a witch herself. I lived in a village in France during the period when the witch hunts began. It was also during this period that the Malleus Maleficarum was written."

"I know this book," Hoseok sighed loudly as he shook his head, visibly annoyed, "this pile of garbage written in the late 15th century, which supposedly explains what a witch is, how to recognize one, interrogate them, and kill them."

"A load of bullshit yeah," Namjoon added with a chuckle, "I rarely waste my time reading books, but this one..."

"Tell me more !" Jimin exclaimed, "I read it too, well, not all of it, it's so... misogynistic and sexist!"

"I... was one of the witches who had to go through all the torture and experimentation to write this... book or whatever it is. And most of the women who suffered all that crap were just ordinary mortals," she admitted with a little restraint.

Horrified exclamations were heard from the maknaes and Hoseok. Yoongi and Namjoon closed their eyes for a few seconds, repressing the anger rising within them.

Talking about these events did not leave her indifferent; these memories were among the worst she had ever known, and she still sometimes had nightmares about them.

She remained silent for a few moments, before finally speaking up.

"That's not the point. Jin is the point. When I met him, he was a merchant passing through the village." A small smile appeared mechanically as she recalled this memory, "It was love at first sight. Of course, it was. He knew I was his soul mate, but I... I didn't even know what a soulmate was. He taught me. He taught me so many things..."

She turned her head towards Jin, still unconscious beside her. Oh, how she'd missed him. He hadn't changed a bit.

"I immediately sensed that he wasn't human, just as he'd guessed that I was a witch. So much better in a way, it made things easier."

Delicately, she let her fingers stroke his forehead, brushing aside a few strands of hair, a tender smile on her face.

"He stayed in the village after that. I had taken over the bakery from my parents who had passed away from an illness a few months before I met him. We weren't the richest, but we were happy.”

The other boys couldn't contain the grins on their faces. Of course, this story was beautiful and worthy of a fairy tale. But they all knew that fairy tales were only fantasy stories. The reality was not nearly as lovely.

"We lived... two years like that before everything went to hell."

She felt her hands tremble as she recalled what she was about to say.

Jimin sensed her nervousness, fear, and sadness. He left Taehyung and Jungkook's embrace to kneel before her, gently taking her hands in his for comfort.

Her gaze met his, and he offered her a gentle, reassuring smile. But she couldn't relax.

"The witch-hunt had begun and was becoming increasingly virulent and violent. The villagers had always thought it was strange that I hadn't suffered the same illness as my parents. I knew the rumors about Jin and I. But until now, we'd managed to keep a discreet, almost unnoticed presence. Until she came along."

Jimin squeezed her hands a little tighter as he felt her anger rising.

"That demoness... came to our village, supposedly a cloth merchant. She fell for Jin. Was it love, or just a physical attraction? I don’t know. She succumbed to his devastating charm, like so many others before her." She chuckled, imitated by Yoongi.

"As you would expect, Jin did nothing but ignore her and rebuff her advances. She didn't appreciate it at all… I learned later that this half-succubus demoness was renowned for finding prey and not letting go until she got what she wanted."

"A real nasty leech..." muttered Jungkook.

She noticed, however, that Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok expressions had changed. They had exchanged glances, seeming to pass a message to each other that she didn't understand. She decided to ignore it for the moment.

"Things got worse after she arrived, after Jin's rejection." She took a long breath. "She's the one who delivered me to the villagers, who exposed me. When we realized her plan, that she was planning to take Jin with her by force, by any means necessary, we wanted to run away. We'd go to Asia, or America, or wherever, to another continent, away from her, away from all of this. But that demoness had planned everything… We were young, unaware, and inexperienced, unlike her. I was barely 25, and he was 23... we just wanted to..."

She paused to calm herself, her heartbeat quickening again. Fortunately, Jimin was able to calm her, just by being here, his soft hands on hers, and she was grateful for that. She thanked him with a small smile, which he returned by stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. How could a demon be so angelic?

"She specialized in memory magic..."

"Oh, I'm getting the hang of it..." muttered Namjoon, clenching his jaw.

"That bitch…" added Yoongi, making her huff.

"The villagers arrived in the middle of the night. We didn't see it coming. The demoness took advantage of this moment to attack Jin and cast a spell to erase me from his memory. The last time I saw Jin was before they put a bag over my head when he was unconscious in her arms."

She lowered her head, and it was only when she felt Jimin's soft hand on her cheek that she noticed a tear had rolled down.

She knew what the demoness had done, she knew that she'd erased Jin's memory, simply because she'd come to see her a few days later in the cell where she was being held captive. She explained everything, adding that she had offered to give her over to the Catholic order of Dominicans who wrote the Malleus Maleficarum. Which happened, the day after she came.

"When I finally escaped... After several months," she continued anyway, her voice trembling, "I looked for him, I... crossed France from top to bottom, and Europe... I looked for him everywhere, for many years... I never found him... until now..."

Jimin's hands gripped hers a little tighter. She looked up at him, then at Yoongi, who had moved a little closer to her. Their shoulders were touching, his way of showing her some comfort.

"So that's what happened..." muttered Namjoon, who had straightened up, his eyebrows furrowed, looking thoughtful.

"I hate humans..." blurted Jungkook as he hugged Taehyung tightly, his companion nodding in agreement.

"And so, you thought we'd hate you, or I don't know what other nonsense might go through your little head when we know the truth?" Yoongi asked, holding back a laugh. “I don’t see why. I mean. It’s genuine, really.”

She arched her eyebrows in confusion. She thought that it seemed logical. She hadn't been able to protect Jin, she’d left him in the clutches of this demoness who'd probably done a thousand and one things to him that she didn't even want to think about. She hated herself for it.

"Hyung." Hoseok sighed, shaking his head, "stop."

"I failed to protect him, he's my soulmate and... I abandoned him and..."

"You didn't do any of that, Y/N."

Namjoon approached her. He took Jimin’s place and knelt down facing her, placing his hands on hers.

"You're both the victims. You've met someone stronger, older, more experienced than you and she took advantage of it. You did everything you could. You did your best. You could never be blamed for that. We could never blame you for that. ."

"And Jin hyung won't blame you either, I'm sure," Hoseok added with a small smile. "When he will regain his memory, when we will give him back what that demoness stole from him, he'll be the happiest man in the world to have you back with him, with us. Believe me."

She pressed her lips together, not wanting to cry, not yet.

Yoongi wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer.

"It's over now," he whispered against her hair, "you're not alone anymore, you won't be. We've found you, you've found us."

She couldn't hold back the few tears that had started to fall. How could she not break down, after all those centuries spent alone, thinking that her soulmates didn't want her, living with the guilt of having abandoned the only soulmate she’d ever known.

They said the same things as her friends when she told them everything a few days ago.

None of them thought for a second that what happened to Jin and her was her fault.

That feeling of being understood, of not being judged, of being accepted despite her past mistakes and scars.

That feeling of being in the presence of her soul-mates.

She hadn't felt so at peace in what seemed like an eternity. Ever since Jin and her were separated.

°°°

"Noona... I have a few questions..."

"Here we go... the kid and his questions. Wait, I'll get you an aspirin and a big glass of water."

Jungkook glared at Yoongi, who had gotten up to go into the kitchen, a sneer on his lips.

Jin still hadn't woken up, but after a simple soothing spell and an herbal ointment she’d carefully placed on his temples, he was calmer, his body more relaxed.

She hadn't wanted to stay, not wanting to risk another attack if Jin woke up again. She learned through Yoongi about the migraine attacks he'd had since the day she met Namjoon.

But the boys convinced her to stay. Namjoon and Hoseok had disappeared into their library, explaining that they were going to rummage through their books after a potential counter-spell. She wanted to go with them, but they insisted she stay with Jin and rest.

It didn't take long to realize that Jin's seizures had a direct link with her.

As her soul mate, and despite his forced amnesia, his subconscious knew who she was. But it wasn't strong enough to bring back the memories the demoness had made disappear. Well, they hadn't disappeared, technically; she'd just hidden them very well somewhere in his psyche.

her scent on the clothes of Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jungkook had been the trigger for his subconscious to awaken, for his memories to struggle, to resurface and make Jin realize that yes, he did know her, as his intuition suggested. Yes, the person on the hill was her, yes every memory he thought belonged to someone else was his, and that the blurry person sharing them with him was none other than her.

The migraines, the loss of consciousness... were only signs that his body, mind, and soul were fighting to bring his memories back to where they belonged, to finally give him back what that demoness had stolen from him.

Or at least, that's what she’d come to conclude on hearing Yoongi's explanations.

"Ask me anything Jungkook, don't worry," she replied with a small smile, still sitting next to Jin.

Yoongi had returned with some drinks (no aspirin, to Junkook's great relief) which he gave to the three maknae, still sitting opposite her, and to her, then sat down on the coffee table.

"I was wondering, how did you find out that you were... immortal? I mean, what does that actually mean?"

She'd been expecting this question. Even for demons, immortality was still a rather vague concept. Nobody is immortal. Demons and vampires aged slowly, very much more slowly than human beings. But they weren't really immortal.

"I died for the first time after the Malleus Maleficarum experiments, they sentenced me to be hanged to death, like all the witches at that time."

She heard the exclamations of surprise from the maknaes. Yoongi remained silent, listening to her attentively.

"I actually died that day. Except... except a few seconds after I took my last breath, my heart started beating again, and I came back to life."

None of them could believe their ears. Yoongi couldn't hide his surprise either, and she knew that a thousand questions were forming in their heads.

"The second time was a few days later. At a bonfire." she continued, bowing her head, "The thing is… I feel all the pain, all the way to death. But for some reason, I live again and again. No matter how people try to kill me, no matter how I die, my wounds heal themselves, my organs reform."

"Is it due to a spell?" finally asked Yoongi with his eyebrows furrowed, "or maybe some kind of witch, a hybrid with a phoenix..."

"I think you're going a bit far, hyung..." Taehyung chuckled slightly.

"Hey, every proposition can be plausible, gamin."

She couldn't hold back a smile. It was obvious that they'd known each other for several decades now, that they'd been through a lot together. In a way, she was relieved that at least they hadn't had to go through all that alone.

"I've never known the reason, or why I became like that," she finally continued, scratching the back of her neck, "I just am. Several times I thought I wouldn't get up this time from certain injuries, especially during the wars, but I always got up again. And just like that, more than 600 years have gone by."

"Maybe it's just that fate didn't want you to die before you met your soul mates, who knows." Yoongi chuckled, shrugging.

"If you think the universe and destiny are that kind of romantic..." Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"I'm tempted to believe that theory, it's much sweeter and more romantic than a curse put on you..." added Jimin with a little pout.

"Sometimes things just happen, and they're impossible to explain. Even for creatures like us." she let go with a sigh and an embarrassed smile, "In any case, I've stopped looking and obsessing over it, I've just accepted it."

"Still, it must be painful to die, over and over again..." Jimin cocked his head to the side, feeling a wave of sadness as he thought of all she'd had to go through in her long life. As an empath, his reaction hardly surprised her.

If they knew. She didn't want to dwell on how some humans and even other creatures had taken advantage of her immortality to put her through the many horrors she’d experienced. This wasn't the time to talk about all those things.

“Our pretty soulmate is strong and courageous.” Yoongi finally broke the silence after a few seconds, “She’ll talk about it when she feels ready.”

She bites her lips. She wanted to tell him to not call her pretty, but she felt that it was destined to fail. Yoongi seemed to be stubborn, maybe a little too much.

“Do you guys think Joonie and Hobi will find something ?” Asked Jungkook, looking at Jin with worry.

“For sure they will!” exclaimed Jimin, “Namjoon has books that are centuries old and unique, Hobi and him are the most intelligent demons ever! They’ll find something, surely!”

Jimin was passionate, his trust in his partners was blind and absolute. It was probably the same for all of them, she was sure about it, but Jimin was the one who showed it the most.

“In the worst case…”

“Taehyung don’t start…” mumbled Jungkook, as the others sighed.

“Let me finish! In the worst case, if we don’t find anything for Jin hyung, the solution is simple, very simple. We’ll create new memories, so many new happy memories all together!”

“If something was robbed from you without your consent, I think you'd like to have it back. Don't you think so?" Yoongi asked, his voice softened as he ruffled Taehyung’s hair who nodded with a sad pout.

He was just as worried as the others. There were so many unanswered questions, so many theories without explanations, so many problems without solutions yet.

“Namjoon and Hoseok always find a way to resolve problems, you should be used to it now.”

That voice startled all of them. All five heads turned to the sofa beside Yoongi and her. To everyone's surprise, Jin was staring at them, or rather, at her.

“Jin you’re awake !”

While the younger hurried towards their eldest, their faces racked with worry and relief, she reflexively stepped back.

She couldn't get very far, as her back bumped into a chest. She turned to face Yoongi, who placed his hands gently on her shoulders. He could read the stress and apprehension on her face. He couldn't imagine what she must be feeling right now, coming face to face with the one she'd lost centuries ago.

"Where are you going like this?" he asked at first in a slightly teasing tone, before he leaned towards her and whispered, his voice softening, "Relax, everything's fine."

She opened her mouth to reply, but no sound came out. She'd spent her whole life looking for Jin and his other soulmates. Now they were all here. They were all in the same house. Everything still seemed so unreal that she didn’t know how to react or what to do.

“Y/N ?”

She froze when she heard her name coming from Jin's lips. The others in the room gave him a surprised, confused look.

"Hyung, do you..."

"Remember her? Us? Unfortunately not, I don’t. But I heard you guys talking earlier, I wasn't totally unconscious. Thanks for the herbs, by the way, they really appeased my headache."

Her eyes widened at his words. Had he heard everything? Did he know the whole story, just like his other soulmates? In a way, she didn't know if she could handle a new explanation, which was a bit of a relief. On the other, she was concerned about his reaction, since he was the one who was affected.

Jin straightened up to sit on the sofa, helped by Jimin. Yoongi was still standing behind her and gave her a gentle nudge, so that she didn't push herself aside.

Jin's eyes landed on her. For a moment, he said nothing, just looked at her. She could feel the stress twisting her stomach, her legs going limp as cotton. She felt weaker than she had ever felt before.

"Can you come a little closer, please?"

Jin's voice was soft; she perceived no anger, no resentment on his side. He had kept his comforting aura, the same one she'd known so long ago, the same one that had reassured her countless times.

She soon faced him and lowered herself slightly to be at the same height as him.

How was someone supposed to react to finding their soulmate and youthful amnesiac love, lost in tragic circumstances centuries ago?

She was torn between tears of joy and relief, but the guilt that consumed her seemed to be the most dominant feeling at the moment.

"Jin I..."

She pursed her lips. Her voice trembled. For sure her body would betray her right now.

Jin offered him a tender smile and shook his head.

"Shht, it's all right." he murmured his words as he gently grasped her hand, "come here."

Without waiting for a response from her, he pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her.

At first, her eyes widened in surprise. Quickly, she couldn't hold back any longer. Her arms followed and she hugged his waist as if her life depended on it.

"I know what you're thinking," he began, his hand running gently through her hair, "I'm not angry or anything, how could I be? It was never your fault, nor mine." He paused before letting out a small sigh, she could hear all the pain, the sadness in his voice, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry you've had to carry this burden all alone all this time…"

Her whole body was shaking. His voice was shaking, as if he were holding back his own tears. She was fighting inside. She was fighting herself not to break down. But her traitorous body still betrayed her, and she couldn't even control her tears, which had started to flow uncontrollably.

But his words. His words resonated not only in her heart but in her entire soul. She didn't know how much she needed to hear those words from him until now.

"We'll find a way, and everything will go back to normal, it will be even better, I promise."

After all these years, these centuries of living with the weight of guilt, the weight of regret, the feeling that she'd never be able to meet her soul mates... she felt all this weight recede, making way for a quietude and lightness like she'd never known before.

An eternity of torment, torture, and pain was finally over.

It was as if she'd been deprived of oxygen all her life, until now, as if her breathing had been cut off, and now she was finally getting it back.

And even though she was currently crying her heart out in Jin's arms, she could also feel Taehyung's warm, reassuring hand on her back, Jimin's, Jungkook's, and Yoongi's presence in the room, Namjoon's and Hoseok's, even if they weren't in the same room with them.

Her cries were no longer cries of sadness. There was only relief, and it was becoming more of an evacuation from all that time of pain and isolation.

All those smells, all that warmth that invaded her body at that moment, brought her calm and relief she'd never be able to explain, not even in a day, a year, ten years, or even a hundred years.

The reunion with Jin that day, feeling him against her again, as well as having the presence of her soul mates around them, those who were destined for her. After all this time where her heart and soul had been crying out for help, she had finally been heard.

The darkness was finally disappearing, as the clouds and obscurity finally allowed the sun a chance to shine.

And despite her tears, she couldn't help smiling, because at last, she knew that happiness really was within her grasp.

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writingwithcolor · 9 months

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Japanese Q Speedround: Google Is Right There

Hi, it’s mod Rina. It’s time to speedrun some asks.

@troublsomeidiots asked:

I'm writing a character who is both black and Japanese and lives in japan in a primarily Japanese area and wanted some help in writing a person who is biracial who lives in primarily homogenous society? Like what kind of struggles she would face, especially as a person who has never met anyone who is black other than in passing?

Open Youtube. Hit search bar on Youtube. "being black in japan" "half black half japanese in japan" "black hafu in japan". Try different combinations of keywords. Bon voyage.

(neither Marika nor I are Black. We will not be speaking to experiences we do not have.) (we can outsource to some of our friends if you ask a specific question. These are not specific questions.)

(Black Japanese readers--please feel free to comment if there’s something you want OP to know!)

@layzeal asked:

Hello! I have a question regarding family/last names in Edo period Japan. My story takes place in 1816, my character was born in 1796 from a commoner family (that she gets separated from a few years later, and in a different country).

I've read that regular people in Japan didn't adopt the use of family names until Meiji restoration, but I'm not sure how true that is. Would a family of commoners in that period carry a family name, or would they only use their first names? And any idea if that family would have to present a last name when moving/passing by a different country that does use them?

It's important for me to know, since the existence of a last name or not would quite heavily influence how hard it'd be for the family to meet again, and which means would be used. Thanks in advance!

When I gave Google some keywords from your query, the second result explained how pre-Meiji commoners without family/clan names used bynames to distinguish themselves, and gives additional data on them. Maybe give it another Google?

@weavefeather asked:

Hello, I am a writer and I really need some advice. I am wotking on my book since a few years, maybe 2 or 3, and I finally got the points together how it could begin. My plan is that my MC (named Nanami Kudo) is an lawyer of the FBI and has to go to her homecountry Japan, beacuse they send her to foreign investigations about a syndicate of people..... And the some things happen, like her brother who still lives in jp doesn't really welcomes her, some complications with the police and so on...

But thats not the point! Im really struggling to take in words how she gets to the other country, leaving her home behind and her partner she worked with. Do you have any advice on it, maybe how to structure it, some words or scenarios that fit?

How she gets to the other country: …..She flies there.

How US government agents/workers relocate and what the experience is like: That's your job to google. We are not government agents. Try anecdata on reddit, reddit AMAs, and Quora.

It’s unclear what her relationship/proximity to Japan is. What kind of nikkei is she? Is she mixed race or monoracial? How much Japanese can she speak? So many unknowns. Go read our Japanese tag and appreciate just how many ways one can be a Japanese person. Until then, you are nowhere near close to being able to write a nikkei homecoming plot.

Lastly, you are the author. Give us scenarios yourself and come back to us.

In Conclusion

Guys, you all gots to google some more. It’s beneficial to both of us: not only do we get to help with more specific things and have enough info to do so, but you don’t have to wait months until your ask comes through the backlog only to receive an answer you could have researched in anywhere from a couple days to 3 minutes.

~ Rina

“But Rina, I don’t know how!”

You’re in luck!

First, try one of our own post on Google shortcuts.

Second, stay tuned for some very relevant posts...

COMING SOON: WWC’s A Beginner’s Guide to Academic Research

#japanese #mixed race #japanese diaspora #research #asks

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cosmerelists · 23 hours

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What The Radiant Orders Would See as their Fandom Job on the Internet

Orders on the internet requested by @justheretoreadnotwrite :)

Justheretoreadnotwrite pointed me to this very fun 17th Shard thread, and asked if I could do a riff on the Radiant Orders being on the internet. Since I wanted to try avoiding the jokes already there, I thought I would focus in on how they'd act in fandom on the internet. Specifically, what would each Order think is their Duty in Fandom?

1. Edgedancers: Finding & Leaving Comments for Zero-Kudo Fics

The Edgedancers make it their mission to listen to those who are forgotten--in this case, fics with no kudos, no comments, or no notes. The Edgedancers come to read them, like them, and comment on them!

2. Lightweavers: Posting Fanart & Engaging in Character RP chats

You want your favorite character or OC to have art drawn of them? Just ask your nearest Lightweaver! Or, if you just wish you could roleplay with your favorite character, the Lightweavers can do that too. They are, like, VERY good at pretending to be other characters.

3. Bondsmiths: Writing Alt-Text

The Bondsmiths want to make sure that fandom is accessible to all, so they're out there writing descriptions and alt-text for any fanart or tweets or other images that screenreaders might struggle over. Barriers of communication are no match for our friendly Bondsmiths.

4. Truthwatchers: Writing Call-Out Posts

If someone is out there stealing art and posting it on their own blog/twitter/pinterest page as if it's their own....well, they better hope a Truthwatcher doesn't find them. Those Truthwatchers will be telling the original artist, and they may just write a call-out post if they have to.

5.Elsecallers: Writing, just, Really Excellent Analyses and Guides

The Elsecallers are the scholars of fandom. They are writing really in-depth analyses of both the original source and of your fanfic, and they're here posting guides about how to accurately portray, like, dyeing practices of x-century.

6. Willshapers: Writing Character x Reader Fics and Creating OCs

The Willshapers are out there putting themselves into fandom worlds--and helping you do the same. They're great at creating their own OCs and/or self-inserts, and they're the ones writing all of the Character x Reader fics as well.

7. Stonewards: Writing the Majority of the Actual Fanfic

In terms of sheer output--like keeping the fandom running by doing the hard work of actually writing fics--the Stonewards are leading the way. If there's such a thing as the "front lines" of fandom, I think it's people filling A03 and creating longform content.

8. Windrunners: Forum/Discord Moderation

The Windrunners want to make sure that fandom spaces are protected & safe for their members, so they're likely to take on the role of administrators or moderators--kinda like, you know, being the king's guard but here the the "king" is 19 people who all want to talk about the same character.

9. Dustbringers: Being the Most Popular Person in the Fandom

The Dustbringers are the "great power / great responsibility" order. They know they could level that city or dissolve that person into atoms or whatever, but they have more restraint that that. Probably. In the same way, Dustrbingers are The Person in their fandom. If they choose to retweet or reblog or boost your fic/art/analysis, you are made, my friend. On the other hand, if they decide you're an enemy...

10. Skybreakers: Following the Rules. The Internet Rules.

Listen, the Skybreakers don't judge rules, they follow rules. So if a fandom on the internet has rules, the Skybreakers really have no choice to follow them. You know, like Rule 34 for example.

So yes, the Skybreakers are out there making sure there is porn of your favorite character. You're welcome.

#cosmere #cosmerelists #Stormlight Archive #Knights Radiant

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galvanizedfriend · 3 months

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Fic: The Wolf III [20/21]

Summary: Months after their return to New Orleans, Klaus and Caroline try to settle into a semblance of normalcy, while Elijah struggles to forgive his brother's sins. But a mysterious prophecy that foretells the downfall of the Mikaelson family brings them all together in a war that will reopen ancient wounds and see each of the siblings doomed: one by friend, one by foe and one by family.

[It's The Originals Season 3, but Caroline had Klaus' baby, now she's a vampire and they are back in New Orleans after a stint in Mystic Falls. It's mostly about Klaroline, obviously.]

---

"Say not in grief that she is no more, but be thankful that she ever was. And though she was taken far too soon, may her enduring light show us a way through this darkness. Let us mourn, because we cannot move on until we do. And though the pain may at times seem more than we can bear, make no mistake: we will move on."

Caroline closes her eyes, lets out a breath through the tightness in her chest. Vincent's eulogy is beautiful, but it’s razored with sadness and resentment. It stings.

It's a harsh and gray morning in New Orleans, the weather reflecting the inclement mood and at the oddly empty cemetery. There's not a living soul around, except for the four men gathered around Davina Claire's headstone.

Them, and Caroline, hiding like a coward a few rows away. Read the full chapter here

---

Well, it's been a while. 🥲 Very sorry for how long it's taken me to get this one out. Life just has a way of getting in the way.

Please, read the Authors Note for warnings. As always, your reblogs/comments/kudos are very much welcome and make this fic writer's day, if you're so inclined. ❤️

Hope you guys enjoy it!

#klaroline #klaroline fanfiction #klaroline fic #kc fanfiction #kcfic #klaus x caroline #the originals rewriting #yokan writes #the wolf universe #can't believe there's just one more chapter to go 🥲

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wizard-finix · 2 months

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Ao3 tag game!

THANKS @ragecndybars FOR THE TAG I APPRECIATE IT

*cracks knuckles* lets do this

How many works do you have on AO3?

24 works! I would have never expected to have that many 5 years ago, hahaha

What's your total AO3 word count?

186,291! oh wow, almost 200k!! (unsurprisingly PT minato takes up over a third of that LMAO)

How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

10 fandoms! I'm counting Persona 3, 4, and 5 and separate, but I'm grouping all the Zelda fandoms together since it's all Linked Universe fic.

Here's the breakdown!

The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms (6)

Persona 5 (5)

Persona 3 (5)

SPY x FAMILY (Anime) (3)

Wizard101 (Video Game) (3)

SPY x FAMILY (Manga) (3)

Runescape (Video Games) (3)

Pirate101 (Video Game) (3)

Persona 4 (2)

The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild/Tears of the Kingdom (2)

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga (1)

Star Wars - All Media Types (1)

The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Warriors (1)

Top five fics by kudos:

The Ghost of Mementos/Stygian Ringlet (Persona3/5) - to the surprise of absolutely no one, since this is currently my longest fic. I'm very happy with Stygian Ringlet being the top because I love my boys :)

True Crime Special on the Midnight Channel (Persona 4/5) - my Ren has a TV Dungeon fic! also very proud of the dungeon concept for this one, I really need to finish the last two chapters

Dark Clouds on the Horizon (Linked Universe/TOTK) - I feel like this one got a lot of momentum partially because it was directly in the wake of TOTK's release, but I'm happy with how it turned out :)

Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Met (Persona 3/SPY x FAMILY) - this was a collab series with mewrose and a few others in the marigolds discord! we were throwing ideas at the wall to see what stuck and I really had a lot of fun with Shinjiro-related prompts, because I LOVE him and hitting him with the isekai baseball bat into a universe with Anya brings me great joy

Salt Tears and Raindrops (Linked Universe/TOTK) - directly related to Dark Clouds, and I'm glad people enjoyed good ol' fashioned angst >:) (I do need to post more of my wips, I do have a couple more roleswap AU wips that I want to post)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! I almost always do because I really appreciate them and its my way of saying thanks for the comment! If I don't comment it's because I lost track of it or because I can't think of a response.

What's the fic with the angstiest ending you've ever written?

Probably Salt Tears and Raindrops. I was in a Mood and decided to go for the tried-and-true method of putting fictional characters I like through the emotional wringer. That's how I got the rough draft for this fic :)

Do you write crossovers?

*looks at my persona fics and recent LU fics*

...I think it's safe to say most of my fics these days fall under crossovers lmao

Have you ever gotten hate on a fic?

I wouldn't say I have? One or two comments that came off as rude, but no actual hate, thankfully. If I did, I forgot about it. I've been blessed by wonderfully nice readers <3

Do you write smut?

Nope. I don't read it, so I wouldn't know how to write it anyway.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of? I sure hope not.

I have seen a couple short fics slightly imitate Ghost of Mementos though, which I thought was really sweet that they liked it enough to inspire their own writing.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I'd definitely be open to it!

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

RYOMINA. Hands down. I love them so much, I am so mentally unwell about these two

What’s a WIP that you want to finish, but don’t think you ever will?

My two Runescape fics, Whispers in the Temple and Welcome to the Jungle. I absolutely loved going hogwild with rewriting old quests in Runescape, but I psyched myself out of Welcome to the Jungle because I got overly anxious about accidentally doing bad representation.

(in hindsight, it probably wouldn't have been as big a deal as I thought; it's hard to make it worse considering how bad Legend's Quest was with the british-african stereotypes. that quest DID NOT age well.)

I also want to finish Snake in the Grass; that was my first attempt at a genuine mystery plot and I really liked playing with Warriors in that fic in the context of the gang trying to figure out who the heck is trying to murder him.

What are your writing strengths?

I feel like I'm pretty good at dialogue! I try to make sure it matches the character's speech patterns and personality. Really well-written dialogue can tell you who's speaking without actually telling who it is. (For example, the way I write them: Minato speaks as few words as possible and has very little filter with his observations when he does share them, and Shinjiro is pretty rough around the edges, with shortened words and the occasional swear. Warriors is good with words and wit, but he has a certain military-esque directness and doesn't dance around the topic.)

I do try hard to keep the plot clear and understandable over everything else, so probably that as well.

Also, now that I think about it, maybe fight sequences? I don't do them much, but I do enjoy the challenge of making a clear sequence of what happens in a fight and trying to make it understandable. Fight sequences are easy to skip or gloss over, but I think of them like their own miniature plot. What happens? What surprises are there? What are their movesets? How do they get the upper hand? (and of course, what looks cool as fuck)

What are your writing weaknesses?

Time management. I tend to over-proofread since I beta my own work, and often I'll go back to tweak stuff if I had additional thoughts to add to it, or extra insight. Lately, it takes longer to write chapters than I'd like.

Also, dialogue-heavy scenes often get very chaotic in my WIPs because of the way I rough out fics. I'll throw together a bunch of dialogue bits I think would be cool to include, and sometimes they'll clash or get really messy, especially if there's lots of characters (looking at the latest two chapters of Stygian Ringlet)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fics?

I think it's cool! It adds flavor to fics. If it's more than one short phrase though, or if it's story important, then I do prefer that there is a translation in the author's notes. I haven't done any non-English dialogue in fics, save for one memorable adventure into trying to figure out how Latin grammar structure works for a character that didn't speak English.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Wizard101 and Pirate101. I was obsessed with those two for YEARS. I really, really liked pirate stories in high school, and having a cast of crewmates that accompany you throughout the game really inspired me to write my first fic featuring my OC. (I was also into One Piece at the time, but I never wrote for it.)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written so far?

Stygian Ringlet. It's really dear to my heart. I have poured so much love and effort into that fic, and the reception on it has completely blown me away.

THANKS FOR THE TAG!! Uhhhmmm for tags I'm going to go with @skyward-floored, @catreginae and @breannasfluff (but only if you want to!! no obligation of course)

and of course any other writers that want to do it as well!! go forth

#cici speaks #tagged #tag game #my god this is long if you read this I salute and respect you

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blacksails-rarepairs · 2 months

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black sails rarepair week 2024: the week in review

a brief overview of the fics and art posted for rarepair week! there's a delightful array of work here--modern AUs and canonverse, comfort reads and belligerent sexual tension, repression and introspection, gen and queerplatonic and romantic and unrequited affections.

the event is now closed, but the fics & art posted as part of it can be read and appreciated at any time! comments, kudos, reblogs, etc. are highly encouraged!

huge thanks & all my gratitude to everyone who participated--it has been my honor to serve as your host <3

now: the rarepairs!

an introduction by Benja

rated T. Flint & Gates.

fascinating portrayal of Flint's early days as Flint in Nassau, from Gates's POV, with super sharp dialogue

The creation of Captain Flint, from Gates' perspective.

this is what you do at parties (right?) by sunset_waltz (@thenobleprincess)

rated T. Abigail Ashe/Idelle.

new college student Abigail meets-extremely-cute with local bartender Idelle. (nb: sunset_waltz's fics listed here are all set in the same modern & very queer/trans AU!)

Abigail is new in town, and Idelle is too pretty.

let me get this straight by ElectricKettle

rated M. Flint/Gates.

i'm nominating this fic for most apt use of the ao3 tag "Belligerent Sexual Tension" SERIOUSLY oooooough

Hal Gates is a man of moderation. He is not prone to impulse or hotheadedness. So why is it that this all goes out the window when it comes to a man named Flint?

i think it's magic (and i hope you'll agree) by sunset_waltz (@thenobleprincess)

rated T. Miranda Barlow/Madi.

meet!! cute!!! SO much chemistry

Miranda is Abigail's mom. Madi is her teacher.

a love lost or false by @van1lla-v1lla1n

rated T. Billy Bones/Charles Vane.

Jack Rackham reminiscing on the golden days and spinning tall tales about the love life of his buddy Charles Vane (rip).

I met Jack Rackham at a tavern once, long after the golden age of our kind, and he spun me a tale of a love lost or false, I knew not which, and I know not still to this day.

unspoken words (are preferred) by sunset_waltz (@thenobleprincess)

rated M. Bonny/Rackham/Vane but super multiship!

another installment in the author's rarepair-centric modern au, with so many fascinating poly character dynamics

Charles fucks up, and apologizing is hard.

post-XXVII by @kairennart

Flint/Vane art!!!!!! SUCH beautiful colors, amazing lovely expressions, have i mentioned that i'm in love with Flint's freckles BECAUSE. just go look at it <333

by the way (i forgive you) by sunset_waltz (@thenobleprincess)

rated M. Flint/Madi, Flint/Madi/Silver.

(modern au) Silver disappears, and Flint and Madi find each other as they grieve in his absence. & as if that weren't an amazing enough premise: BONUS OT3 AT THE END

After John Silver vanishes, Madi and Flint are left to their own devices--until he comes back.

under the stars and the sky by Veridissima (@thestagthatlovedthewolf)

rated T. Miranda Barlow & John Silver.

a very quiet and comforting middle-of-the-night Miranda-Silver interaction, with background Miranda/Flint/Hamilton/Madi/Silver. super compelling miranda-silver queerplatonic relationship

Miranda hears Silver walking past her bedroom door, and she can't help but follow him outside.

the unnoticed bulge by BilliesBud

rated M. Billy Bones/Charles Vane.

my wife's first fanfiction :''''''') a very tongue-in-cheek portrayal of a deeply repressed Charles Vane confused about why he's thirsting after Billy Bones

Billy living rent-free in Charles' head.

five times Howell was too blind to see what is right in front of him + the one time he wasn't by tahiri_veila (@twopointsinspace)

rated E. De Groot/Dr. Howell + unrequited Howell/Flint.

absolutely masterful portrayal of Howell's unrequited affection for Flint shifting to a requited friends-to-lovers situation with De Groot. (with bonus background silverflint)

"Welcome aboard." De Groot lowers his voice to a near-whisper. "Don't mind the captain's disgruntled mood. He may be a capricious bastard, but he's damn good at his job. The best, I'd say. You get used to his ways."

pourparler by @van1lla-v1lla1n

rated T. Max/Marion Guthrie.

i'll be honest this was mainly me thirsting after Harriet Walter. but don't you want to know what all those meetings between Max and Marion Guthrie were like! this is that.

Max meets with Marion Guthrie for initial negotiations.

joy, and music, and peace by Benja

unrated. Eme/Madi.

ough be still my heart this one is SO sleepy-sweet--literally sleepy like Madi and Eme have a cozy little rest together, a lovely moment of safety and security.

A moment of rest.

#bsrpw24 #black sails #black sails fanfic #long post

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stevetonyisendgame · 11 months

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It's the first day of work reveals for A Second Chance: A Steve/Tony Endgame Mini-Exchange and we have 8 fics and 1 artwork today!

Thank you to all participants - we’re so excited to share all these beautiful gifts with you! Enjoy and remember to leave kudos/comments for our hardworking creators to show your appreciation!! ❤️

A reminder to our dear creators that you can change the publication date of your works now that they have been revealed, so that they appear on the first page of the tags!

1. as easy as breathing for purpleicedteas | ART - T

things aren't easy after thanos but steve and tony have each other.

2. In Our Hands for CapBlondette | FIC - 1.6k, T

Memories slowly appeared in his mind. The battle. The way he’d taken the gauntlet from Thanos. Peter who was suddenly by his side. And Steve. The snap. But not much after. He only remembered the blinding light and the power in his hand, as well as the pain.

3. I Tell You That I Think I'm Falling (Back in Love with You) for tinystark616 | FIC - 6.3k, E

When Tony said “I have to get it out of the garage before Morgan takes it sledding.” as he gave the shield back to Steve, not in a million years the thought it would actually happen. Yet there it was, right in front of him, ‘the one that got away’ playing with his daughter in the snow, shield by their side dutifully waiting for them to get back on top of it.

4. Endgame, Not Checkmate for Herogers | FIC - 8.6k, T

“Tony?” Steve asks as Tony immediately taps his screen to life, calling up the specs for what looks like a new set of his nanite armour. “Um… aren’t you going to take it easy for a while?” Tony frowns at Steve over the top of the screen. “Ah, no? Why would I do that?” “Maybe because you almost died?” Steve blurts out. “I mean, just yesterday you were—!” “Yeah, you're right,” Tony cuts in. “But that was yesterday. And since now it’s today, and, as you can see, I’m perfectly fine, then I need to get back to working on some stuff.” He shoots Steve a grin, like that somehow makes it okay. “You're welcome to stay and watch if you want.” Against all odds, the Avengers have beaten Thanos. But when Tony fails to see that victory for what it is, Steve decides the only way to get him to see reason is to confess the secret he’s been harbouring for way too long.

5. the things we held on to for ishipallthings | FIC - 790, G

Tony finds out that Steve still has his flip-phone when they're preparing for the time-heist

6. Remember What I Said. for enragedbisexual | FIC - 2.4k, M

Tony and Steve have had to be quiet for more than one reason over the years. Maybe they will get some privacy now the Universe is saved?

7. Real Life for xWinterDreamsx | FIC - 1k, T

“Are we going to talk about that kiss?” Of course it’s Tony who is brave enough to bring it up. --- Tony and Steve both retire after the events of endgame, but they have some unfinished business to take care of.

8. No Lies From The Trusted for navaan | FIC - 17.8k, M

Finding himself in a world where Iron Man has just emerged Steve discovers the unexpected consequences to time travel. Stuck with a new identity, a new life, and an unexpected relationship, some consequences are more complicated than others.

9. hold fast for VenomousSoliloquy | FIC - 1.3k, T

“What?” Steve asks finally, putting down his pencil and staring right back at Tony. “Nothing,” Tony says. Then he reaches out and thumbs at the corner of Steve’s mouth, eyes crinkling when Steve’s eyes go very wide. “So serious, you.”

#stevetony #stony #superhusbands #steve x tony #steve rogers x tony stark #endgame event #announcement #endgame event reveals day 1

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alemonyoyo · 4 months

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No Country for Young Humans - Chapter 4!

Please read it here! Or read below and leave a kudos or comment <3 <3 Thanks!

LMK if you'd like to be tagged for future updates!

This update is much longer than the others! Hope you enjoy!

Missed the previous chapters? Check out the Masterlist!

Words: 4650

Tags: GN Reader, No use of YN, Slight Enemies to Lovers, Misunderstanding, angst, reader is probably in the wrong for this chapter, everyone is emotional.

Summary: Todays the day. Will you win or will you lose? To be honest, you can't decide which outcome you'd prefer.

Chapter 4 - The Duel: Undertale Yellow OST: 055 - The Wild East

Training with the Feisty Five was no joke. Even if at times they cracked you up, all the shooting, looting and dodging you had to do over the past week had been more than exhausting. Some of the most draining yet exhilarating stuff you’ve done since you jumped down here. The thrill of true adventure, with the safety and comfort of new friends around you, was something you wouldn’t trade.

You had gotten to know the gang a little better, but you had become most acquainted with North Star, to the rest of the group's dismay. During your campaigns through sandstorms and your quests up mountains you had heard small utterances of annoyance. It seems North Star’s original demeanour has been sidetracked in favour of pampering and training… you.

This certainly wasn’t a pleasant surprise, you had liked the rest of the Feisty Five, afterall. You didn’t want to make them feel bad but you had to admit, all the attention from the town and the sheriff no less felt pretty amazing. His obsession with spoiling you with gifts like the revolver, and now a hat and small badge, all made you blush to the others' dismay. His bias was very apparent.

Yet you had continued on through your missions, dodging falling boulders, fixing caved in mine shafts, even wrangling a couple of bandits when necessary! It had brought about a newfound excitement within you. Perhaps adventure wasn’t the monotonous journey you had taken to get to the Wild East, but the fun you were having now with the Feisty Five!

Though, that excitement would come to a raging conclusion today. At around midday, you and North Star were to have your duel (or as he said, “dual”). It was only a week ago that you first fell into the feisty clutches of the Wild East, and back then you had been clawing to leave. But now that you think about it, this place, the Wild East, is one of the only places where every monster has welcomed you with peace and open arms. Not a single attack has been levied against you since your arrival here. And on top of that, you finally found some purpose in your life, to explore and thrill yourself. You didn’t really *want* to leave anymore. You didn’t want to leave the safety and thrill behind. You especially didn’t want to leave North Star.

You pushed the feeling down, pulling your gifted hat off of the kitchen counter within the Feisty Fives dingy settlement. It was brand new when Star gave it to you, though he insists that it was a spare. It was a dark ochre, with a more rounded brim. Not his style, he was the kind for sharper edges. The small badge he had gifted you was that of an honorary deputy! It was golden in colour and had a bright sheen, made of the same sorts of rocks from the mines. You pinned it to your hat, before reaching for the wild revolver. The first gift he pampered you with. Other than the gift of unrelenting attention of course.

Once you had gathered your things, you headed out of the house, the hot air fuming around you as the harsh bright light of the Wild East made attempts to throttle your eyes. Luckily the hats brim was enough to keep them at bay.

You headed over to the saloon, where you knew North Star and the others would be.

It was crowded as you entered, excitement brewed in the air as townsfolk shared their bets over drinks and cards.

“I have faith in the rookie.” You heard one mumble to another,

“C’mon now. Star’s our fearless leader! Ain’t no way a human will topple his streak.” The stranger’s assessment was fair. You had only just started shooting a gun less than a week ago, and now you were going toe to toe with the Sheriff of the Wild East- Winning this duel didn’t seem possible.

Star was across the bar, talking with Ace and Ed. Most likely arguing over the semantics of some hypothetical. Star was known for making outlandish claims he struggled to back up. His “fireball” comment being enough to set you off to that.

Eventually he saw you coming over, meeting your eyes with a smile. Your nervousness was quelled. Perhaps he’d go easy on you today to save your ego.

“Here they are!” He said, the rest of the group turning to you.

“It’s finally the big day.” You heard Mooch chime in from below you,

“Good luck, rookie.” Ed placed a heavy but reassuring hand on your shoulder.

“Thanks.�� You smiled. You turned back to Star, who was already looking at you once you met your eyes. Up closer, the smile he met yours with was tainted; the corners faltered. Perhaps he was nervous too? He really shouldn’t be. Though you had demonstrated excellent improvement over the past couple of days, your shooting was nowhere near the precision he managed to keep with his every shot.

“Midday is in about 20.” He started, his eyes leaving yours, finding comfort in the other parts of the room, “So get yourself acquainted. We’ll be dualing out by the bell post.” His smile left him.

“Uh, boss?” Moray had piped up, “I’ve been meaning to tell you this. It’s “duel”. Not “dual”.” You looked over at them, expecting to see a haughty smirk, but instead you were met with a genuine look of concern. It seems cowboy grammar was a big deal ‘round these parts.

Star’s expression was blank, he managed out a; “That’s what I said.” Before Ace rebutted;

“You pronounced it with an UA sound instead of an OO sound. C’mon boss.”

“Ahh, tomato potato, what’s the difference!” He replied, an embarrassed teal blush washing lightly across his features. He was cute like this, all flustered.

North Star wouldn’t often let the confident persona of the sheriff down, so you savoured these little moments of genuine frustration, especially how he looked when he was nervous.

“C’mon Star, you know better than anyone how important grammar is for cowboys such as ourselves!” Ed replied, “Otherwise we’d be in for a different kinda game of “quick draw”.” Ed seemed to reminisce upon a truly painful memory, unbeknownst to you.

“That is true, Ed… I hear your concerns.” He pondered thoughtfully. You couldn’t help but laugh to yourself. This group could be a riot sometimes- And they always seemed so genuine over the smallest of things!

You called a drink over from Dina, and popped the cap on the bar's counter. You took a swing of what Dina has coined as the “Adult Soda”, its sparkling texture trickling down the back of your throat. You took the bottle cap and flung it at Star playfully. It bounced off of his chest, as he looked down with concern. You giggled to yourself at the immediate fear that plagues his features, before his gaze shot up and he laughed with you.

“Always on edge, you are-” You said, “I bet you thought that was a real bullet!”

“I wouldn’t put it past a bandit like you!” He fired the cap your way. It smacked against your shoulder before falling onto the counter.

You held your shoulder in your hand, a false pained expression masking your face, you wheezed in pain. You leant over on the counter, continuing your performance.

“Star- how could you do this to me! Before our *duel* no less!” He smirked at you, walking over to you through his posse as they continued to speak behind him.

He grabbed you by the bicep, pulling you back up from your faux collapse. He tugged you in close,

“Perhaps bandits like you need to be put in your place, hm?” He smirked, his tone low and serious. It would have scared you if it were not for the past week of dorky conversations you had come to know him for.

“Then we’ll settle this later, o’ mighty sheriff.” You teased, flicking his hat up with your fingers. He blushed. “I’ll be heading out to “acquaint myself”, o’ valiant sheriff.” you continued, “Feel free to join me when you gain your confidence back to face me fair and square!” You chuckled before turning on your heel, heading out of the saloon.

The sand beneath you crunched under your feet. The grainy sound was ever so familiar, a simple retread of the damper squelches of Snowdin. It had been a while since you’d seen your other friends; Martlet, Dalv, even that crazy dancing guy. Surely they were okay, but did they know that *you* were too?

As you pondered this, you walked down to where the bell tower was. There was enough space either side of it for around 10 paces. Just enough for what your duel required.

Could you really do this? Let this all go? One shot of some stupid BB gun and the past week with these folks will be like gunpowder in the wind. The same yearning to reach home was vanquished the moment you came here, as if the wild dance throughout the ravenous terrain distracted you from your goals. As if the very path North Star led you down was astray from the one you once walked. Yet you stepped through this uncharted territory with glee, could you really turn back now? Move forward and on to Hotland?

Yet at the same time, you wanted to succeed. You wanted to do well, impress him and the rest of the town with your newfound abilities. You had worked out by now that this whole ordeal drummed up a lot of excitement within the townsfolk, you didn’t want to let them down. Additionally, Star had worked so hard with the others to train you to be where you were, it’d be a dismissal of all this work if you couldn’t pull through with this duel!

As the conflict began to spiral into something other than a figment of your mind, a sizeable crowd came bumbling out of the saloon, carrying with them the swarm of chatter.

“It’s time! I can’t wait to see this.”

“And old style duel, huh? Ol’ North Star loves to treat us.” Their words washed together when the crowd became more dense; an amoebic clump.

You noticed that among the crowd even stood, on one pegged leg, Blackjack. Seems even the old annoyed man had time to come out and witness this event. The pressure was settling in.

The Feisty Five met you at the bell post, emerging from within the large crowd, who formed an arc around the bell tower to spectate. The posse especially seemed excited.

“So, it’s finally time.” You heard the familiar voice from beside you.

“Yep.” You replied, a little flatly. North Star walked out into the centre of the makeshift duelling ground. You followed in tow.

“Alright everyone!” He yelled out, everyone went quiet. The townsfolk’s eyes were glued to him, so uncharacteristically attentive. “In case this is yer first rodeo, I’ll go over the ground rules!” You look out into the crowd, the large group making your head whirl with dread. So many people watching- “We will both take a BB gun, and face back to back.” North Star started with the rules. You only half listened as your eyes located a familiar blue feather within the crowd. Martlet! She had come to watch you! Word must have gotten out about this Human vs Monster duel. Either that, or one of the Feisty Five had the decency to invite her. “We will then march ten paces, and Moray will yell “draw”. The first to shoot after “draw” is the winner!” As he finished the simple instructions, the crowd cheered with anticipation and excitement. The billowing sounds of their yells and whistles clouding your head.

“So let’s just get started! Mooch, provide our rookie with the designated tool.” Mooch walked over to you, fumbling on her small, stocky legs. You reluctantly handed her your revolver, knowing that it was not in safe hands. She handed you a BB gun that felt far more like the toy gun you had abandoned to Stars devices. Far lighter without the weight of a quick death on its trigger.

Mooch ran off with the gun, before Moray neatly snatched it off of her.

“I ain’t lettin’ you run off with this, Mooch.” They responded.

As you were receiving your weapon, Ace had handed North Star a pair of safety glasses adorned with blue flames on either side of the frames. Ace handed you a pair, this one with red flames. That was more your style anyway. You put the glasses on, feeling a little stupid for the way they must look, all stocky and chunky around your eyes. But safety is more important than looking fashionable (though Star and Moray would probably disagree), so you dealt with it for the time being.

“Okay you two.” Moray started. They leant against the bell tower, the rest of the posse at their side. “Go back to back.” They pointed to a spot just in front of them, right in the centre of the small, makeshift arena that had been fashioned with the barrier of bodies provided by the townsfolk.

North Star quickly made his way there, and you followed. He hadn’t turned his back however, instead holding out his gloved hand.

“Good luck, rookie.” You took his hand in your own, meeting his eyes with a panicked but grateful gaze. You thought for a moment, letting the tight grip of his hand in yours sink in, for this might be the last time you feel it.

“You too.” You shake his hand; up, down, then the feeling is gone and his eyes are no longer on you. Back turned, you do the same, wielding the BB gun in your hands. Don’t mess this up. Don’t make a fool out of yourself!

“Alrighty! Let’s get this started!” They crowd cheers in excitement once more. You can hear Martlet yell something over the voices, but her soft, chipper voice fails to make it to you in a coherent manner. “Alright, walk ten paces!”

One. Your feet feel weak just walking. These past couple of days of adventuring wearing them down to a comfortable sort of ache. A familiar, yet rewarding kind of pain.

Two, three. You grip your gun in your hands, your finger ready on the trigger. You could win this.

Four, five, six. Surely he’d let you win. In front of a crowd like this, in front of your friends, it’d be too embarrassing to lose.

Seven, eight, nine, ten. You had made it. Heart beating in your ears, thrumming like a drum throughout your body, a chant to not mess this up. A call to action. The blood flowed through you, hot and heavy and full of nerves. You breathed in. Exhale. You could do this.

You listened carefully, the whole crowd had gone quiet. The only sounds being that of the rustling wind, and the tumbleweeds smacking against the ground. Your face was hot, your whole body was on fire. If Star was here with you right now- well, he’d probably say something stupid, but it’d quell your nerves nonetheless. But that wasn’t exactly possible right now, was it?

You held your gun to your chest, pulling at the trigger just light enough so as not to fire it.

“Draw!” The ring of the charging bullet came out before you had even turned around, piercing your ears with an icy chill. Only after did you feel your fingers pull the trigger, and the small bullet pang against your shoulder.

The crowd erupted in cheers;

“He’s done it again!”

“I never doubted him for a second!”

North Star had won. Of course he had won, he’s the goddamn Sheriff! He’s the one who *taught* you how to shoot. How could you possibly think you had any chance to win this?

You looked up across the sand, up to where North Star stood, BB gun still in hand. The wind rolled through his poncho as it billowed and caved. You couldn’t see his eyes under the brim of his hat, expression unreadable. You could see his heavy breaths though, the crest and trough of his shoulders giving him away. You felt yourself do the same, gulping for any air that could possibly pass you by.

You had lost. Why did it feel so bad?

Suddenly, you shot up at the feeling of a large hand on your unwounded shoulder.

“Hey there newbie.” You turned around, it was Ed, “Don’t get yourself down. Star’s a great shot!” He flashed his one-toothed smile. Moray continued; “Yeah- C’mon, let's get that shoulder of yours patched up! I know those things ain’t lethal but they can sting!”

You looked back at North Star who still stood in place far across from you. Everything in your body– in your soul– urged you to go over to him but you *couldn’t*. You felt paralysed by betrayal- you couldn’t face him after that embarrassing display.

You turned away, walking off with Moray to go patch yourself up.

–

The softness of the hospital couch sunk in with the weight of the afternoon. Moray sat beside you, lightly cleaning the small wound on your shoulder.

The heat of the day didn’t make the spiralling in your mind any better, the weird way your thoughts whirled around like the wind had you fumbling for an appropriate response. But how does one respond to a betrayal that isn’t a betrayal at all?

“Hey, I know you just got shot in the arm- but are you feeling okay?” You turned to look at Moray, who gave you a worried look. “You’re not feeling faint, are you?” You shook your head at them.

After they had finished cleaning the small wound, they wrapped a light bandage around your upper arm, pulling it tightly around your shoulder.

“I’m just thinking.” You responded, tapping your foot on the wooden ground, finding comfort in the solid sound it returned to you with.

“Thinkin’ about what?” They guided your arm back into its sleeve, covering the bandaged shoulder.

“I knew I was gonna lose today. But- I guess a little part of me had some hope.” You looked down at your lap where your hat and revolver sat. The hat and gun North Star had given you.

“I get that. Honestly, I thought you were gonna win this one.” Moray smirked, “Don’t tell Star that though.” They smiled, and you managed out a giggle for their sake.

“Of course not. I guess I just expected him to go easy on me. I had hardly turned around by the time I got hit!”

“Yeah. I could tell he wasn’t goin’ easy on you. Which is very unlike him.” They frowned. It made sense, for the past week he had been so patient with you; accepting your mistakes and broadcasting your achievements. The North Star you saw out on the grounds today was so different. “I don’t know why myself. He hasn’t been talking to the rest of us much about this stuff.”

You gripped the soft edge of the mattress, digging your fingers into its soft torso.

“How’s the shoulder feel?” Moray asked. Their tone cut through the peaceful silence that had settled between you. You found it somewhat irritable-

“Better. Thank you so much.” You managed out.

Suddenly they stood up beside you,

“I’m gonna go celebrate with the others in the saloon. Wanna come drink away the feelings?” You felt a little embarrassed that they had read you so easily, but perhaps you were an open book.

It felt rude to not accept the offer, Moray had spent the time patching you up after all. Your body reluctantly slumped off of the mattress, and fixed your hat atop your head.

“Sure.” And off you went.

–

The saloon was loud. Much louder than you had ever heard it.

You had hardly managed dealing with the volume previously, but by this point it enraged you. Coupled with your prior frustrations, the world felt like one chaotic blur of sound and noise. Everything else was too difficult for your mind to render.

You followed Moray through the depths of people who swayed in a drunken stupor, flicking around cards and lighters. Ceroba sat with the other members of the Feisty Five at the end of the bar, each of them enjoying a drink and some chitchat. You and Moray mingled with the rest of the group, latching onto the circle they had formed to talk to one another in the cramped bar space.

You didn’t dare speak a word, you could barely get a noise out at this rate. Everything was too much- speaking would just push you over the edge.

You felt the group babble on around you, the sounds of their voices that once filled you with immense excitement only now brought about anger as your senses were brought to the limit.

Where was North Star? He was all your mind could focus on.

You looked back at the bar, back to the group. The stage was empty, and the rises above them were littered with monsters that looked nothing like him.

Your search having come up short, you returned your gaze to the group, your eyes landing on Ceroba’s who eyed you down.

“He’s at the house.” Despite her calmer tone, you managed to hear her over the monolith of voices.

You gave her a nod for thanks, before slipping away from the group without a word.

–

You walked down the path that led to the Feisty Fives residence, and sure enough North Star was there, pacing back and forth in front of the house, mumbling to himself.

You had caught wind of this behaviour in a previous conversation with Ed. Seems the Sheriff couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself.

Despite seeing him like this, all flustered within the crowd of his own thoughts, anger still surged within you. Your soul not forgetting the duel’s outcome.

“What the hell Star!” You managed out as you made it to the house. He jumped at your intrusion, getting snapped out of his stupor.

“You couldn’t just let me have this?” You continued, the anger starting to bite at your tone, leaving it with sharp edges that cut deeper than you wanted them to. But there was no stopping this. It had to come out.

“I- what?” He responded with a confused tone, seeming just as off put as you were. Perhaps the chaos of the day had got to him just as much.

“The duel. Could you not have gone a little easier on me? That was humiliating!” You stammered out, your harsh tone becoming a shout, “I know I’m just some trainee, but, I thought you’d at least let me have this.” You turned away from him, embarrassed. This was stupid and you knew it, but your emotions kept pushing.

“I- I couldn’t I’m sorry I just-”

“After all this training. After this whole week. You gave me so much confidence only to play me for a fool?” The narrative your mind weaved tugged and pulled at your throat. You hated being mad at him, but you hated feeling betrayed more. This was the only way to fix that feeling, right?

North Star held his hands up defensively, as if you had pointed your revolver right at him.

“Please, darlin’ I was just trying to-”

“Quit it with that pet name! It won’t work on me. I know you’re just trying to use me for your games! You wanted to look good infront of everyone so you used me!” Your cheeks felt wet with what you assumed to be tears, the world around you blurred, your thoughts screeched to a halt. It was hard to speak.

You turned away from him, not being able to face him like this. It was no longer his presence that had become overwhelming, but your own. You wanted to step outside of your body, away from the thing that was making you act like this. So childish- You just wanted to shed it, be lifted of this feeling.

“I had to! There was nothing else I could do!” Star shouted back, his voice pleading with your mind,

“I didn’t want you to go- If you- If you won, you’d leave.” His voice sounded desperate. You didn’t have to turn around to know he was also crying, but you did anyway, knowing the sight would pain you. “You would leave and never come back. You’d go to the surface or get killed, and I’d never feel like this again!” It was hard to hear the way his voice broke and quivered as he talked, so different from the previously zealous and overconfident North Star you had known.

His staggered breathes and gulps for air in between slight sobs echoed in your mind. He didn’t want you to leave- He didn’t want you to leave, that was it.

You felt your anger dissipate, gone with the harsh words you’d thrown at him earlier. You took a step towards him, feeling his heart crush through the mere vibrations of the sand.

“Please, don’t go.” He begged, looking at you with an unrelenting gaze.

You got closer to him, taking him in your arms. It was the only thing that felt right. Words couldn’t fix what you’d already said.

You felt him hug you back, his arms resting around your shoulders. A warm pain shot through one of your arms, but for Star’s sake, you ignored it. You held him tight, the pain feeling real and grounded, the most clear your mind had been all day.

“I-” You started, your voice breaking as you uttered the simple word. You wiped the tears away from your eyes, “I want to stay.” You responded, your chin leant against his shoulder. His weight supporting yours. Your words supporting him.

He pulled away from you, looking down at you through worried eyes. “Don’t. I can’t keep you here if you want to leave. I’ve had you to myself long enough, darlin’.” This time the name didn’t sound so bad. It sounded just like the first time you heard it. Light and soft, it made your cheeks blush and your head spin. You loved it. You couldn't leave feelings like that behind, could you? You couldn’t find this sort of fluster, this sort of adventure, this safe community anywhere, could you? You couldn’t find love like *this* anymore.

“I want to stay, Star. I can’t leave you.” You managed a smile, despite the tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I betrayed you for my own selfish means.”

“I’m sorry for lashing out at you. I just jumped to conclusions- You didn’t betray me at all.” You held both of his hands in yours, squeezing hard to ground yourself. He pulled a hand away to wipe away his tears. His eyes became obscured under his hat and hand.

“The others are back at the saloon celebrating.” You piped up, confidence slipping its way back into your vowels. North Star turned to you, reaching a soft hand atop your good shoulder,

“Maybe let’s just sit this one out. Just you and me.”

“Just you and me.” You echoed, before heading inside the house.

***

“It’s only been a week, you know? Only one week for me to get too attached to this place.”

“I guess that’s my Western Charm working its wonders on you?”

“Pft- I wouldn’t say that-”

“Aw c’mon! At least give me this.”

“Sure- sure Star. You’ve got me smitten ‘cause of your “Cowboy Charm”.”

“It works wonders, I tell ya!”

“I’m sure it does, hah.”

“Rookie?”

“Yeah?”

“I can’t wait to get to know you more.”

“More than one week?”

“More than one week.”

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