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saintsenara · 6 months

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What parts of canon do you find the most frustrating/that you are dissatisfied with/wished that was handled better/explored more? Mine is the inconsistency of Voldemort as a character. How he is described as being perhaps the most talented student that Hogwarts has ever seen and so powerful and intelligent but regularly made such dumb decisions e.g. in the final battle where he still uses Avada Kedavra despite seeing it not work before. I like the explanation that Horcruxes rotted his brain

thank you very much for the ask, @sarafina-sincerity!

the parts of canon which i find the least satisfying all have the same thing in common: their morality is individualist.

the harry potter series has - at its core - a really profound and very black-and-white belief that good and evil not only exist but are rooted in the individual. and while i understand why this is the case - the later books in the series are governed by the genre conventions of folkloric epic and, especially, of christian folkloric epic, which means that the whole seven-book narrative arc ending in a battle between christ and satan after which all is well is only to be expected - i don't like it.

so here we are... ten things i hate about canon, for fanfic writers to win my heart by interrogating in their work...

i hate the series' insistence that everything is fine once voldemort is dead

the middle books in the series - especially goblet of fire - do a really interesting job at hinting at the endemic rot in the ministry of magic, and the ways that the state and its enforcers perpetuated harm during the first war that was indistinct from that perpetuated by the death eaters - above all the use of internment without trial for suspected death eaters [which is a reference to something the british state actually did in the 1970s!].

they show how widespread blood-supremacy and magic-supremacy is, even among people who don't openly support voldemort; how the wizarding population is kept deliberately ignorant by what appears to be state-controlled media; and how no serious efforts have been made to eradicate the conditions which enabled voldemort to attain such power.

this is then forgotten completely in deathly hallows, where the fact that almost the entire civil service keeps working for a government which is committing genocide is hand-waved away with "oh, people are scared", and both the epilogue and jkr's post-series writing take the view that kingsley manages, as minister, to preside over a government which easily sheds all its old prejudices and starts working properly.

i don't like this! i think it's just much more interesting for corruption to be impossible to fully eradicate from the government, for blood-supremacy to have long-standing causes which actually take a lot of very hard work to untangled [especially the fact that the wizarding world not appearing to have a welfare state means that those whose lives are poor or unstable are prime targets for radicalisation], and for kingsley to have the same capacity for leaning on the prophet and worrying about his polling numbers as any other politician...

i hate that the series changes how the death eaters are written between half-blood prince and deathly hallows

connected to this shift from the series hinting at the broader issues in the wizarding world to a flat battle between good and evil is that the death eaters, their aims, and their modus operandi are written very different between half-blood prince and deathly hallows. in the former, the death eaters can be situated very easily as anti-state sectarian terrorists who have all sorts of complex analogies within british history and politics. in the latter, they're just caricatures of pure evil - which is why the death eaters introduced from the latter stages of half-blood prince onwards, especially the carrows, are considerably less interesting as characters than those, such as lucius malfoy, barty crouch jr. and bellatrix lestrange, who are introduced earlier.

it's also why the voldemort of deathly hallows feels so uninteresting. i don't like the fanon that the horcruxes render him insane at all - when he's shown outside of the epic battle between good and evil in that book, he's shown to be as lucid and cunning as always - but he ends up having to flop because his only purpose in the overarching narrative is to be killed. in the earlier books, in which he's a paramilitary kingpin poisoning and corrupting a society which was designed to exclude him because of the fact of his birth in revenge for its treatment of him, rather than satan and hitler's lovechild, he is so much more interesting.

i hate the series' belief that slavery is fine

obviously, one of the biggest examples of state malevolence in the series is that wizards own slaves. like many readers, i loathe that the house elf plotline ends up being reduced from its potential for radicalism in chamber of secrets - in which dobby mentions whisper-networks of elves who decry their treatment at wizards' hands - to what we see from goblet of fire onwards - in which elves love being enslaved and think that any attempts to free them from their subjugation is cruel.

i also hate that elves' freedom is then hand-waved away as part of the general race towards "all was well" with the implication that hermione found it easy to undo what appears to be centuries of state-sanctioned oppression without any pushback at all.

the house elf plotline is one of the clearest distillations of the series' individualistic morality. harry abhors the treatment of dobby at the malfoys' hands entirely and only because he doesn't like the malfoys. he abhors voldemort's treatment of kreacher, but sees absolutely no issue with sirius' because he likes sirius - and he clearly sees no issue at all with his own legal mastery of kreacher, seeing as, literally minutes after the end of a war in which the good guys fought for the rights of muggles and muggleborns to be seen as fully human... he is considering ordering his slave to make him a sandwich.

i hate that the series doesn't show the realities of resistance

the reason i think the whole "why does voldemort keep using avada kedavra, isn't he supposed to be clever?" question arises is because the series is incredibly resistant to the idea that the good guys must have to kill as well, which makes it look like it's only the death eaters using it while the order use lots of clever magic that the stupid terrorists are too thick to think of.

this is idiotic - not only because the killing curse is canonically flawless unless the thing you're blasting is your own horcrux and so the order would use it for efficiency's sake alone, but because the reality of being a resistance fighter is that, even if you're on the "right" side, you are going to have kill people or they will kill you.

lupin is completely right in deathly hallows that harry is breathtakingly naive to avoid shooting to kill and that - without the protection of genre conventions allowing him to be preternaturally merciful - his resistance to killing is going to result in him being destroyed by the enemy. it is inconceivable that the rest of the order don't using the killing curse - and the question of what this does to their souls [is it murder if you believe yourself to be justified in your actions?] and their senses of self post-war is so interesting to think about - and i wish we were shown this in the text.

especially because molly absolutely blasted bellatrix with it.

but i also hate that the series thinks that violence is fine when the good guys do it

this is primarily another example of the black-and-white "this is fine because harry's good" theme which runs through the series, which we see in things like harry using sectumsempra on draco malfoy in half-blood prince or the cruciatus curse on amycus carrow in deathly hallows. harry's overarching response to committing attempted murder is to sulk that the incredibly minor punishment he receives is reducing the time he could spend hitting on ginny, and his response to torturing amycus is "lol. lmao."

the series thinks - again and again - that cruelty and violence are completely fine when the person they are perpetuated against "deserves" it, and it does not bang.

and that the series allows the good guys more complexity in characterisation

the role played by the house system in the story - and, above all, the fact that our heroes are all connected to one particular house with straightforwardly admirable associated characteristics - means that the villains receive less opportunity to also have positive traits intermingled with their negative ones - and, therefore, complex and interesting personalities.

i also dislike that when non-gryffindor characters - especially slytherins - do reveal themselves to be brave and loyal etc., instead of recognising that this is because bravery can be multi-faceted the series suggests that they should be recategorised as "belonging" to a "good" house.

or, in other words, me and dumbledore's "i think we sort too soon" line in deathly hallows are enemies for life.

i hate that the series blames merope gaunt for dying

and - of course - the main way a villain isn't allowed as much complexity as a hero is that the series never examines the impact of voldemort's childhood on his adult self. while we see hints throughout canon of just how profoundly affected he is by his institutionalised childhood and the weight of his grief over his parents [his mother especially] - such as him learning as a baby never to cry for attention because it's futile - this is hand-waved away throughout the series by dumbledore-as-the-voice-of-god as irrelevant. the eleven-year-old tom riddle is straightforwardly evil, that he grows up in an orphanage is used as nothing more than narrative colour to underline how creepy he is, and dumbledore's spectacular mishandling of their relationship is viewed by the series as undeniably correct right up to the very last moment [when harry imitates dumbledore by - and we should call it what it is - deadnaming voldemort in their final confrontation].

but the most egregious thing that dumbledore does when discussing the course voldemort's life takes is blame merope gaunt for her own death in childbirth, by implying that witches are immune to one of the most common causes of death throughout human history if they just try hard enough and then saying that a nineteen-year-old girl whose life appears to have been nothing more than unrelenting abuse and misery [perpetuated both against her and by her] lacked the moral fibre to try hard enough.

and this infuriates me.

i hate how the series treats female characters who don't fit its narrow spectrum of "correct" womanhood

merope is but one victim of the series' general issues with treating women who aren't its heroes - all of whom are exactly feminine and beautiful and clever and talented enough that we know they're good people, but not any of these things in an extreme which could make them vapid or arrogant or defiant of social norms or so on.

the series takes a very low view of women who exist outside of narrow boxes - whether they are interested in a hyper-feminine aesthetic [lavender brown, rita skeeter] or a more masculine one [marge dursley]; conform to stereotypes about being bitchy, flighty, or vapid [pansy parkinson, romilda vane] or refuse to adhere to social expectations to be polite, meek, and demure [fleur delacour]; are unmarried, are not inherently maternal, and/or are cruel to children [bellatrix lestrange; petunia dursley; dolores umbridge]; are unrestrained emotionally [cho chang; moaning myrtle] and so on. and i don't like it.

and i also hate that - connected to this - the series uses physical appearance - especially weight - as a shorthand for [female] characters we're supposed to dislike.

what it says on the tin, really - if the series doesn't like a character, especially if the character is a woman, you can almost guarantee that they will either be fat or be unusually thin.

and finally...

i hate that the series prioritises one form of love - love as suffering and as sacrifice - over all others

part of the series' march towards the epic two-person showdown between good and evil is that harry is made to endure trial after trial - including his death for the salvation of mankind - in the name of love. obviously this is because he becomes, by the end of deathly hallows an allegory for christ, but it also fits into the series' view - articulated most frequently by dumbledore - that love, suffering, and sacrifice are all synonyms.

the acts of love the series foregrounds - snape's willingness to endure anything because of his love for lily; sirius' willingness to rot in azkaban and caves and grimmauld place because of his love for james and harry; harry giving up a love that's like "someone else's life" with ginny so he can go die - are all sacrificial, and the series generally takes a dull view of love that is fluffy, silly, carnal, selfish, soothing, transformational and so on. lavender and bellatrix's open adoration of their lovers is mocked; dumbledore's sexual desire for grindelwald is punished by his sister's death; tonks and lupin's uncomplicated happiness in the birth of their son is not to last.

but happy endings and silly jokes and forehead kisses are love too. and the hill i will die on is that they have even more potential to bring about the salvation of the world than constant suffering and abiding.

#asks answered #asenora on canon

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 3 months

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I believe Aang was right to end the war by sparing Ozai. But the only (imho) valid reason some people say he should have done it is because they wanted Aang to realize that pacifism is flawed.

I'm gonna disagree with you here, because a lot of the flaws fans talk about pacism and how ATLA in particular handles it as a concept are 99%:

1 - People being ignorant/racist and not knowing the difference between pacifist monks and "make love, not war" hippies.

2 - People being ignorant/racist and refusing to understand that there are different kinds of pacifism, even within the same cultures/people groups.

Aang is very clearly not the type of pacifist to go "You can NEVER react with ANY kind of violence towards someone else, even if it's to defend yourself/someone else" (which does exist, both IRL and in the show, just look at the owl spirit in "The Library").

We see him fight, and even be quite aggressive in said fights, in a lot of episodes. We also see he has no issues with invading the Fire Nation. More importantly, for the longest time the Avatar State was a result of him being pissed off enough at some kind of injustice that it makes him lose control, meaning he is very clearly affected by the horrors of war to the point of RAGE.

What makes him a pacifist is the way in which he doesn't WANT to lose control, doens't WANT go from aggressive to full on cruel, and, yes, wants to defeat his enemies, but not kill them.

And as I keep repeating, the show DOES make him question that last boundary he set for himself. He gets told by a past Avatar, who was also an air-nomad before anything, that, when there is such a large threat to everyone's life, including his own, he has to put aside his own spiritual needs and take a life - provided there isn't another option. But there was, so Aang took that, even after he decided that, yes, if there was no other way, he WOULD kill Ozai.

What people don't like is that Avatar, although questioning some types of pacifism, is far more interested in questioning the way people are WAY too eager to use violence to solve their issues, and, more importantly, expect someone else to get their hands bloody.

Fire Lord Sozin starts the war because he, according to himself at least, wants what's best for everyone and would like to share the Fire Nation's glory and great life with the other nations. He tries to do by invading foreign territories, killing his best friend, and commiting genocide. The fucker even has the dragons, an obvious Fire Nation symbol, to be hunted to extintion.

When Jet is angry at the Gaang for ruining his plan to free a village from the Fire Nation's control by blowing up a dam, Sokka asks "Who would be free? Everyone would be dead."

Zuko is banished because he spoke out against a Fire Nation higher-up's plan to use soldiers as fresh meat to bait the enemy into a more vulnerable position, thus assuring the nation's victory in that battle. He openly says "These men love and defend our nation, how can you betray them?"

When Zhao wants to kill the moon spirit, Iroh tries to stop him by pointing out that the Fire Nation needs the moon too (seriously, if it wasn't for Yue's sacrifice and Zhao's death, the Fire Nation would have had to create a word for "Big-ass wave that wrecks everything and kills people" like Japan did).

When Aang is deliberately trying to trigger the Avatar State because he doesn't want anyone else to die in the war, Katara, who had her life ruined by said war, is against it because while she opposes the Fire Nation, she cares about Aang and, in her own words, seeing him in so much pain and rage hurts her too. When Aang can't force himself to go nuclear, an Earth Kingdom ruler attacks Katara and makes both her and Aang, two very traumatized child soldiers, think he is going to kill her.

More importantly, when Ozai wants to burn down Earth Kingdom cities, he says "A new world will rise from the ashes, and I'll be supreme ruler of everything", to which Zuko concludes that, if they don't save the world before his dad takes over, there won't be a world to save.

And what does he say to Aang when he is about to kill him? "You're weak, just like your people. They didn't deserve to live in world, in my world."

Avatar does questions pacifism, and is critical of it on ocasion (again, watch "The Library"). But it's biggest theme is being critical of VIOLENCE, of resorting to it immediately without considering any other option and acting like it doesn't have long-lasting negative consequences, both to the person suffering it to the person inflicting it (see Azula's breakdown, Zuko's angry outburts only making him more miserable, Jeong Jeong growing to resent being a firebender, Zhao accidentally burning his own ships, etc)

The show is constantly highlighting that, yes, sacrifices need to be made for the greater good - but that CAN'T be normalized because it inevitably leads to a never-ending cicle of cruelty, as well as suffering to the one who has to do the dirty job (because lets not forget there's a big difference in how a soldier that is constantly in battle sees the war and how a king that just gives the orders but never goes into the actual combat sees the war).

The show embraces pacifism, despite knowing some versions of it are flawed, because the narratives themes are:

1 - EVERYONE is capable of great good and great evil

2 - No group has the right to impose it's own lifestyle onto others

3 - If everyone is either dead, mentally (and physically) scarred for life, or preparing to kill someone as revenge, then being killed by someone who wants to avenge that person, who will themselves be killed for revenge later, then the "greater good" you're sacrificing everything for doesn't actually exist because NO ONE will have a good life in a world that is stuck in the cicle of violence.

#pro aang #aang defense squad #aang deserved better #respect aang or die by my sword

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creedslove · 1 year

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BETRAYED - PART FOUR

Pedro Pascal x f!reader

Summary: Pedro invites you to be his plus one for the night but his attention is caught by another woman and leaves you with a broken heart

Warnings: angst, age gap, established friendship, unrequited love/one sided feelings, Pedro being a dick but also a tiny little bit of fluff

A/N: I'm so sorry but I can't manually tag anyone on the post, the app won't just let me do it!

ALSO, I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE TO GO FROM HERE, SO IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS OR SUGGESTIONS LET ME KNOW! 💖

1.3k words

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE

"What the fuck are you doing here, Pedro?!" You asked shocked, noticing your voice came out squeaky at the nervousness of the situation. In all the time you've known each other not once he came to your place unannounced and let alone broke into. You honestly had no idea what was that shit about but you didn't like it a bit. It felt so invasive, so creepy, that's definitely something you never expected from Pedro.

The man, on the other hand just scoffed and shook his head, looking at you with angry eyes

"I was just waiting for you, as you don't bother answering my calls nor my texts, I figured I could come and see if you were still alive, which I can see you are, alive and well, by the way, especially after the little date with your new friend. His name is Liev, right? Did you bat your eyes at him and giggled at every single thing he said just like you used to with me?" He got up and walked towards you, staring hardly into your eyes.

"So, you couldn't simply give me a heads-up you weren't coming to my house the other day? You're just too busy to even remember I exist, Y/N? But not to Liev, right? For him you have all the time in the world, what a fucking great friend you are, Y/N!" He said angrily.

You couldn't believe your ears, he had the nerve to come to your place and accuse you of being a bad friend? You clenched your jaw and you could swear if you had the guts you could punch Pedro right there.

You also took a step closer, showing you were not at all intimidated by his scene.

"A bad friend? Are you really calling me a bad friend? You gotta be kidding me, honestly, I can't believe your nerve to say that, if anything you're the bad friend here, you treat me as nothing but a cute pet, someone you like to have around and stroke your ego, but whenever you find something better, you forget I exist"

He scoffed and rolled his eyes

"Is this about the party again? Honestly Y/N what were you expecting? That I would stop my life for you? Just because you have a crush on me?! Please, grow up! You're not a little girl anymore, maybe it's time for you to find a man so you won't bother me anymore?" Pedro raised his voice but immediately regretted what he'd said. He saw how your eyes filled with tears, the disappointment was written all over your face. You swallowed and shook your head "I'm not talking about my feelings for you, I am talking about how bad of a friend you are, how cruel of you was to hump another woman in front of me, ditch me so you could go and fuck her, you left me there, as if I didn't matter, as if you barely knew me!!" You shouted angrily and looked down, drying your tears so he wouldn't see them.

"You're telling me to grow up? How about you fucking grow up? It's about time a man your age, get over this stupid commitment issue you got. For god's sake Pedro, you are nearly 50 years old, no wife, no kids, all your relationships won't last more than a year and you really think the problem is me? You are the fucking problem!" You shouted, not caring if his brown eyed that were often so full of joy were now sparkly with tears.

"I-.. Do you really think that of me, Y/N?" He asked in a low voice,

"I do" you said coldly. Pedro, on the other hand, felt so horrible about everything that happened and above all, about himself. He never believed he would be able to handle a relationship but the assumption you didn't have faith in him shattered his heart, you always saw the good in him, you believed him and supported him when things were so hard he felt like giving things up and now, he had ruined everything, just like he did with everything in his life that wasn't his career. He had given up a chance to be happy, to have his own family, and now he had lost you, he was sure.

You walked to the front door and held it open for him "I'd like you to leave now, you were not invited and I don't want your company, Pedro" . You watched him walk away in silence, turning around and giving you one last glance, blinking his tears and exiting your life.

•••

For the next months the only news you got from Pedro were through reels and headlines that insisted on appearing every time you logged in social media. You'd read somewhere he was shooting another movie in some country you didn't pay attention to, so that assured you you wouldn't risk running into him anywhere you used to go together. You hadn't talked since the day at your house, and you weren't sure if you wanted to talk to him at all, of course it was hard and so many times you had to remind yourself there was no one to send funny pictures you knew he would like, or talk about your interests or even hang out. You felt empty, emptier than you ever did after any romantic relationship you'd ever had. Your friendship with Pedro was intense and even if he didn't like you back, it was a love story, at least on your side of the picture.

Sometimes you wanted to check on him, see if he was doing alright, but you didn't have the guts, you both had hurt each other so bad, and after all, he did tell you to find a man so you'd leave him alone. You always thought of that when you typed a 'Hello' on your conversation, before erasing things up.

He was still the internet's sweetheart and each time a new picture or interview came out, he always seemed happy and excited so you wondered if he missed you at all.

You dropped your phone as you walked into the toy store, you'd been invited for your friend's toddler's birthday party. You'd met Kate through Pedro, he was friends with her husband, but the two of you hit off and you spent a lot of time together and now her sweet little princess Flora was turning three and you were looking forward to spending a cozy afternoon surrounded by happy children and your friend.

You picked the prettiest doll you could find at the store and rushed to Kate's house as you were almost running late.

When you knocked on the door Flora ran as fast as her little legs allowed her to almost bumping into her mommy who opened the door, welcoming you with a nervous smile. You could tell she wanted to say something, but Flora hugged your legs and as soon as you lowered yourself she wrapped her arms around your neck and snuggled you tight.

"Y/N!!!!!!" She squealed happily and her eyes immediately fell onto the beautiful and colorful gift you had in hands, she paid attention to nothing else but the big package and she felt pure happiness and excitement as she opened it and saw the gorgeous doll. Flora clung to you again and giggled

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Y/N!!" She said overly excited and ran off to play with her new favorite toy.

Kate was distracted for a moment at how glad her daughter was and how cute the two of them were, however, her expression darkened and before you could even greet the other guests, she pulled you to the kitchen, where you two were alone.

"Y/N, before you get into the party, I must warn you… Pedro is here"

-----

A/N: Hi guys, I really hope you have enjoyed this chapter, it was a sad one, I gotta admit and I guess you all got the revenge you wanted on Pedro, he got a taste of his own medicine and it was not good at all! I gotta confess I'm beginning to pity him 🤦‍♀️ and as I said before, I still don't have a lot of ideas for chapter five, so if you guys have anything in mind and want to suggest, let me know! 💖

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #pedro pascal angst #male actor #male actors #hot actors

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satoruxx · 5 months

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NORTHERN LIGHTS.

✧ PAIRING: kaeya alberich x fem!reader | 4.5k words

✧ SUMMARY: smut, p -> v, praise, fingering, lots of pining, angst, angsty bc it’s kaeya tbh lol, kaeya lore but it’s vague, also military themes bc sometimes we forget kaeya is a captain and i love the knights of favonius, he’s highkey got commitment issues but i think he’s valid, man is whipped tho, he's just an overthinker and traumatized, also can you tell i’m a med student?

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: first i have to apologize bc this is SO late??? i got this request back for my 200 event, asking for kaeya with the song northern lights by kennie (which is such a good song). at first i was gonna make it a short little drabble, but the more i wrote, the more i wanted to make it a full fic, which is what ended up happening. kaeya's character has so much depth and i wanted to explore it hehe. northern lights is such a fitting song for him so i just had to go all in. but i'm so sorry that i got to your request so late, hopefully you still enjoy it lovely! (even tho it’s not the main focus in this fic, this is technically my first real smut fic so take it with a grain of salt; i don't think i write it that well LMAO)

it was rare to truly know your own weaknesses, but kaeya knew his a little too well. behind his carefree, unbothered exterior he cared a little too much. he cares a little too much when klee tugs on his fur cape and whines about a scolding she’s gotten from jean, and he ends up indulging her with whatever she’d like. he cares a little too much when rosaria spills just a tad more than usual during her drunken ramblings. he cares a little too much when he sees the discomfort in the face of certain fiery bartender as they speak, and he consistently lies awake and remembers days when that discomfort between them didn’t exist.

it’s a curse, he thinks, because he always ends up feeling too attached to people he knows he shouldn’t be attached to.

even now, his weakness is acting up as he barks orders to his soldiers. they scramble around him as they enter the city, carrying their wounded brethren to safety up at the cathedral. kaeya knows he shouldn’t blame himself but as their captain he feels like he should’ve seen this coming. new recruits wouldn’t be able to handle the hordes of monsters at daduapa gorge—he miscalculated.

“take them to the sisters at the cathedral. sister barbara and the others should be able to heal them,” kaeya commands, clasping one of the men’s shoulders and helping him up to the church. he’s ignoring the now dull throbbing in his side as blood stains his clothes—his soldiers were most important right now. like he said, he cared a little too much.

the nurses had set up a medical station at the cathedral, and in between all the commotion, kaeya’s finally able to hand over the groaning soldier to a nurse, who immediately gets to work.

he then takes a few steps back to assess the damage, grateful that all of his soldiers are getting the attention they needed. he’d hate himself if there were any losses today.

he doesn’t even realize that he’s now leaning against the wall, panting shallowly as blood continues to pour from his abdomen. oh well, he’d wait his turn—only after his soldiers were taken care of.

kaeya shuts his eyes, letting his body rest for a minute.

“you’re wounded.”

his eyes shoot open to see you standing in front of him. he assumes you’re not one of the nuns because your clothes are entirely different. you’re young, appearing to be around his age as you eye his torso critically.

“it appears so,” he answers.

“did someone take a look at you yet?”

“i’d prefer all my soldiers be taken care of first.”

your eyes flash with recognition. “so you’re captain kaeya?”

“indeed i am.” he lets his eyes roam over your concerned features.

you give him a small smile before continuing with a sigh. “i can safely tell you that all the wounded are being treated. i’m still an apprentice so i’m only here to deal with the non fatal injuries. like yours, captain.” you crouch down in front of him, fingers reaching towards his clothing with a silent question of permission. he lets his hand slacken as he gives you a nod and you attempt to peel back as many layers as you can to asses the damage before you’re motioning him towards a tent.

a few minutes later and kaeya is letting you strip his torso bare until you have a full view of his injury. your fingers brush over the wounded skin gently, and he wonders if you even touched him at all. “it’s long, but not too deep. a few stitches and you should be alright. if you’re okay with it, i’ll get started,” you tell him.

kaeya wants to tell you that he’s no stranger to the pain of injuries, but he finds something oddly refreshing about your comforting attitude, so he just says yes and lets you begin to work.

you thread through the skin with a delicate hand and despite the sting he honestly can’t even focus on it, choosing instead to analyze your features.

he realizes that you’re awfully pretty.

kaeya makes small talk with you as you work, partly to stay awake through the pain and mostly because he can’t stop his curiosity. he finds out your name, your hobbies, your goals. you may not have the most exciting life but kaeya thinks there’s something so alluring about you it makes him a little dizzy. he's not sure what it is, but he thinks about it the whole time you tend to his wound. realization hits when you finally finish, looking up at him with a smile, and kaeya realizes that your eyes hold the stars in them.

it’s hard to explain but when kaeya watches you work, nose scrunching in the dim lighting of the tent, he thinks you remind him of home.

(kaeya has chased the stars for as long as he can remember. he remembers shouting with diluc in the grass behind the winery, the two of them reaching for celestia because the stars up there were so undeniably pretty.

"we're never gonna get them!" diluc would laugh, trying hard to balance kaeya on his little shoulders. "they're too far…"

and kaeya only grins down at him toothily, raising his fists to the sky. "no way! i'll catch them one day!"

and yet his whole childhood went by without being able to capture the stars. as he grew older he started to learn that it was impossible to steal what the sky so selfishly held on to.

but even as an adult, kaeya knows to appreciate the stars when he gets the privilege to see them in the sky.

especially after he finally seems to find them in the dim glow of a medical tent.)

he hates to admit how often his eyes seek you out after that one encounter. sometimes he’ll see you at the cat's tail, giggling with your friends as you slam tcg cards down on the table triumphantly. other times he’ll catch a glimpse of you at good hunter, chewing on a quick meal as you browse through a book. almost every time he gets caught staring you only smile and offer him a little wave that sends his brain into a frenzy.

(maybe in another life kaeya would allow himself the luxury. he’d let himself go through the motions for you. let himself stress every time you threw a glance his way. work up the courage to ask you out on saturday afternoon. finally get the chance to press his lips to yours. trace your skin with nimble fingers and have the privilege to call you his.

in another life maybe.

but for now he’ll just keep you his own little secret—a guilty pleasure he’ll indulge in because it’s hard to rid an addiction, especially if you don’t have the will to rid it in the first place.)

kaeya’s messed up this summer. he knows it in his soul that he’s made the wrong decision as he watches you babble about something as you lean against his bare chest, still basking in your own afterglow.

he knows that he should have resisted the temptation. as soon as he and the troops got back and he saw you sitting in a secluded corner at angel’s share he knew that his feelings for you hadn’t dissolved.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and kaeya only now knows this to be true because just the sight of you sends his mind into a frenzy. you could probably feel his gaze on you because you look up from the book you’re reading and make straight eye contact with him. for a second, he wants to turn away but then you smile at kaeya like you’ve never once forgotten him, and he’s putty. before he knows it, he’s buying you a drink and walking over to your little corner to make himself comfortable.

it’s a slow descent for him because in his head he knows he shouldn’t get too attached. he’ll leave again soon with the troops, and who knows maybe he’ll leave them behind one day too. his future has always looked so clouded to him, and he knows you belong in the sun. he’d like to leave you there in the light—avoid dragging you into his darkness.

so he tries to keep it simple, occasionally meeting you for a drink or catching up around the city. but then you’re showing him your favorite place to study near starfell lake and he’s showing you his favorite stars while laying on his back on starsnatch cliff. and he knows he can’t avoid it.

soon enough he’s giving into everything he said he wouldn’t, finally finding out what you taste like. finally knowing how his name sounds when it falls from your lips.

it's more addicting than he could've predicted, the feeling of your breath against his skin as you pant out his name. kaeya can't even bring himself to pull away from you to stop and think for a second. if he did then maybe he could slap some sense into himself and draw some distance because archons above he was digging himself deeper into this hole. but he can't, not when you're gripping his shoulders as he presses you against the wall of his bedroom, whining into his lips for all that he can give you.

and kaeya is nothing if not generous.

so he indulges both you and himself—the perfect mix of selfless and selfish as he guides you to his bed, nimble fingers loosening the ties of your clothing until you're bare in front of him. he can see the bashfulness settling into your cheeks and he almost feels like goading for just a minute, but he decides he'll be nice.

you've always deserved a nice guy anyway.

he tries to push that thought away, instead distracting himself with the heat of your body, his fingers dancing along your skin eagerly. maybe, just this one night, he can let it be about you two. he can afford to forget about all the old promises he's made—all the responsibilities and duties he devoted himself to a lifetime ago.

kaeya ignores the flush of heat crawling up his neck as he hovers over you, caging your body underneath his as you squirm in anticipation. he understands—the tightness in his pants is enough for him to feel the same. but he's not worried about that, not when his fingers part your thighs eagerly, brushing over heated skin and finding slick wetness there as he dips into your cunt. he hears the sharp intake of breath, the quiet restrained moan, and he preens. kaeya revels in the sounds he pulls from your lips as his fingers curl against your slick heat, your head lolling back against his pillows.

there's a possessive streak of something that cuts through him then—something that tells him how he aches to be the only one who gets to hear those sounds.

it makes him slightly sick.

kaeya realizes then—he's been quite stupid when it comes to you. he's kept the maelstrom of feelings brewing in his soul trapped under all his bravado, arrogant and cowardly all at once. he needs to tell you, needs to be honest because this isn't something he can trick his way out of.

but all he wants to do is run. run so far away from you because he doesn't want you to to get caught up in his own ruin. you're far too good for him, too sweet and carefree to be tainted by his sin-laden hands. he needs to run.

but he does none of that, not when he's guiding his fingers to the apex of your thighs and exploring territory he knows he shouldn't claim. because then you look at him with an expression so blissful—so thankful, relieved that he's giving you a part of himself he never wanted to—and he can't even be angry about it.

kaeya presses his lips to the swell of your chest, feeling the rapid thumping of your heart under your skin, and he shuts his eyes as he breathes out your name. you answer with a resounding mewl, catching his eyes even through the dark strands of his hair.

he then chooses to focus on pumping his fingers in and out of your cunt because archons do you look heavenly when your eyes roll back like that.

but it scares him, the way you leave him open and exposed and aching even when he doesn't want to be.

in his head you're perfect, all bright and glowing under him as you chant his name like he's some kind of savior. but kaeya isn't a savior—if anything he's destruction in human form, sent by the heavens to wreak havoc on those around him. he'd destroyed enough already—he doesn't think he can do it to you too.

but archons the way you're looking at him now, from under fluttering lashes and dewy eyes that shine even brighter when they're trained on him—begging, pleading, and oh so trusting of him and every thing he wants to give you. he can't even help himself.

"i know, sweet girl," he sighs, voice strained as you buck your hips just perfect—a temptress, sent to lead him to his doom. and yet he can't stop his fingers from pushing back your hair from your sweaty skin, knowing that he should be careful because he doesn't want to destroy something as fragile as this.

"kaeya please," your breath comes out in short desperate pants, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders haphazardly.

"i know," he repeats, reaching down to heft your thigh over his waist as he slots his hips against your own, biting back a groan at the sensitive brush against his cock—throbbing, aching, needy.

"ah fuck," he's almost shy at the way his voice shakes as he lines his cock up, the heat and slickness of your cunt a teasing caress against his sensitive head. he drops his forehead against your shoulder, breathing heavily even before he's inside you because something about this makes him so incredibly nervous. a single desperate whine and the soft squeeze of your fingers into his biceps and he's stilling—breath catching, heart pounding.

for a moment, he doesn't even feel like himself. he's not anything, no one.

and then he slides in and kaeya knows that there will never be anything better—another experience that would feel this right in his life.

he pulls out a little, gaze lingering at the sweat beading at your forehead, and something in his chest stutters. "okay?" he traces your face for any hint of hesitation—of the nervousness that he feels in his gut, but all he finds is a stormy mix of desire and devotion.

"uh huh," reassurance, stability—everything he isn't. his brows pinch, eyes shutting because he doesn't want you to know.

he's pulled out of the whirlwind that is his thoughts when he feels your fingers on his cheek, brushing over his skin gently. his eyes snap open, and even through the haze he can feel himself relaxing under your touch, because the way you're looking at him is so undeniably loving and it makes his stomach flip.

"you okay?" you whisper, looking up at him carefully, and kaeya feels as though you've put him between the halves of a microscope slide to analyze him.

"i'm fine," he breathes out, not a lie but not the whole truth either. "don't worry."

his words do little to quell you, but one roll of his hips has your eyes fluttering, a choked moan escaping your throat, and the sound makes his pride sing.

there's an image then—hazy and yet so obvious as his brain registers it. the implications behind it makes his stomach churn.

quiet smiles, hazy kisses, soft goodbyes—and then the inevitable distance as he crosses over the border separating your world from his. a lone figure standing in the streets of mondstadt, always waiting for him to come back. always disappointed.

you buck your hips upward, blissfully unaware of the torrent of conflicting emotions in his head. kaeya's brain short-circuits, and then he's pushing back, a steady rhythm against your gummy walls that takes the breath out of your lungs. you savor every thrust, punctuated by the sharp grunts he lets out against your throat.

your fingers rake over his back, desperate and needy and focused on one thing only—kaeya, kaeya, kaeya.

"that's it sweetheart," he doesn't have any more control—not on his mind, his body, his mouth. they've all escaped his grasp, too spurred on by you and everything you're willing to offer him.

"'s okay…ah fuck…it's okay," kaeya groans into the column of your throat, not sure whether he's telling you or himself. the clench of your walls sends him spiraling, hips picking up the pace as he pistons his cock in and out—trying to find out just how far he can go.

then he hits one spot, and his vigilant gaze catches the way your jaw slackens, eyes glazing over even as they roll back and a shaky moan escapes your throat—surprised, unexpecting. his ego jumps.

an experimental roll of his hips against the same spot and you make a sound so unhinged that he finds himself already addicted to it. and to tease is in his nature.

"yeah? right there?" he drawls, masking his anxiousness with his bravado once again.

"right there," you whimper, nodding meekly as you grip his shoulders. he huffs out a soft laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to your eyelids like he's trying to kiss away the tears that have gathered there. you preen under his ministrations—it feels a little too domestic.

he understands. it scares him, but he understands. he wonders what the point of worrying is—wonders why he's letting his paranoid brain taint this moment that he'd been waiting for. the only solution left is to ignore it. because you're here, writhing underneath him in the throes of pleasure, vulnerable and trusting and just for him. he should give you what you deserve after all.

so kaeya pushes every other thought out of his head, only focused on you and making you feel good because that's what someone like you deserves—everything you desire laid at your feet.

he presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, paired with a languid roll of his hips as he quietly groans. "okay…." his voice comes out an octave lower, pushed down by the barely concealed need for you. "okay sweet girl. i've got you."

another searing kiss as he breathes through his nose, picking up the pace again as he slams his cock into the spot that makes you see stars. your moans get louder even as they remain muffled against his lips, and kaeya can't help but dig his fingers into the meat of your thigh, leaving behind finger shaped dents in the plushy skin.

a claim—possessive, desperate, selfish.

your kisses become sloppier as kaeya leads you closer to the edge, walls clenching around the length of him, tighter with every thrust he delivers. the chants of his name have become almost reverent, and kaeya thinks his name couldn't possibly sound more beautiful than in that moment. he wonders if he could be blessed to hear it for the remainder of his life, and the thought sends pure unadulterated need through him.

his hips stutter, red hot fire coursing through his chilled veins—building, climbing, overwhelming as every sense goes fuzzy with heat. his grunts become more irregular, in time with the reckless thrusts of his cock as your cunt tightens around him greedily.

his cock twitches as you suck him in eagerly, feeling every ridge and vein as he grunts and groans and tightens his hold on you—unyielding, unrelenting, selfish.

your eyes stay locked on his even as your orgasm rips through you, and kaeya sees celestia in them—brighter than ever before. your muscles spasm, clenching almost painfully as you tremble and writhe underneath him, and he follows you to the doorstep of nirvana with a throaty groan. his hips stutter, twitching and throbbing as he pants out a broken chorus of your name and every praise that doesn't do you justice.

then he drops his forehead against yours, watching your eyelids flutter—celestial stars dim. a soft brush of your lips against his.

your muscles go lax, every guard dropped just for him—trust he realizes, trust he doesn't deserve. he doesn't know how to tell you that.

because even after everything—when you're curled up against his chest, skin warm and dewy against his own, he does not think about how he adores the feeling of your hair brushing against his arm, nor does he focus on the soft tickle of your breathing washing over him. instead he thinks about how he's ruined it all, how he's dragged you into him, and how he needs to let you go before he destroys you completely.

at the end of the summer, kaeya tells you he can’t.

“what are you talking about?” you ask him, a light chuckle escaping your lips as you barely focus on his words. your nose is buried in some medical text, and kaeya thinks that the universe is punishing him now by making him repeat himself.

“us. we shouldn’t have…” he sighs, shoulders dropping. “i mean, we should stop…seeing each other.”

he can practically feel the way his words pull your attention and when he looks up he sees the way your grip on the book has slackened. there’s panic settling in your eyes, mixed with a bit of confusion. a conflicted emotion runs across your face and kaeya’s fingers itch to touch you. “w-why?”

it’s a simple question and he should have no problem answering it, but he struggles to get the words out, his throat constricting uncomfortably. “it was fine in the summer, when i was back here with the troops. but now i’ll have to leave and-“

“so what?” you question, turning in your seat to face him completely. his eyes drop to the shirt you’re wearing, his shirt, and he feels his heart squeezing.

“so-“ he gulps, head spinning as he tries to explain himself. he doesn’t even have a proper answer—he just knows that this is his only option. because there’s no way in hell he deserves this kind of comfort, this kind of happiness. “so i cant-“

“can’t what, kaeya?” you stress, voice going slightly higher and he only then sees the real fear in your expression.

he pauses, mulling over his words and the bitter taste they’re leaving in his mouth. he can feel the sting of your pleading stare, and he swallows hard. “can’t stay,” he finally answers, and he’s shocked at how miserable he sounds.

you look at him like he’s insane, and honestly he feels like he might be. you’re confused and rightfully so, because there are so many remnants of him left in your space, so clearly evident the impact he’s left on you.

“can’t or won’t?”

kaeya’s eyes snap up to yours, because the tremor in your voice sends a jolt of fear down to his stomach, churning and roiling until it makes him sick.

he regrets looking, because he can feel himself breaking then and there.

you’re looking at him with these shining eyes and he swears that he’s glimpses them again—the brightest stars he’s ever had the privilege of seeing. for a second he thinks the light of those stars might disappear because that’s what always happens. but they remain, glowing against the backdrop of your irises and he’s captivated all over again.

his plans to leave you in tears fly out the window then and there.

he’s reaching for your cheeks in less than a second, holding them delicately as he lets his thumbs brush over your teary lashes. there’s a reasonable bit of confusion in your face at his sudden change, but when he leans down to kiss you, you don’t protest, melting into him even though he’s so undeniably cold. kaeya doesn’t even realize he’s saying he loves you, choosing to murmur it against your lips because it’s not meant for anyone else to hear—just the two of you.

he remains there, in the quiet darkness of your room for the rest of the night, because he doesn’t want to leave your side even after he told himself he would.

and yes, he dreads tomorrow. he dreads tomorrow because he knows that he will have to choose between the comfortable home he’s found in you or the dark abyss that has swallowed his past.

he’s scared that the more he allows himself to fall into you, and the more he finds that your eyes are the ones that hold the stars of celestia, then the easier his choice will become.

he’s been chasing the stars for so long after all. now that he finally has them, why in teyvat would he let them go?

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lesbiansforboromir · 2 months

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Why do you think Aragorn as accepted as a King? They don't have blood tests to confirm his identity and he is not even from Gondor (was probally born here, but not raised)

Oh no Aragorn was not born in Gondor, canonically speaking he was born in the north amongst the northern dunadain and that is his cultural heritage. And not only that, Aragorn's claim to the throne is legally shakey at BEST. His only claim to the line of Meneldil (original King of Gondor after Anarion and Elendil's deaths) is through a female line, which used to be an accepted path to kingship in Numenor, but was since entirely discarded by both Gondor AND Arnor (so not even Aragorn's own direct ancestors agreed with letting women rule kingdoms) And a previous legal ruling on this PRECISE ISSUE decreed that Aragorn's ancestor DID NOT have a right to Gondor's throne. So yes it's a good question isn't it? There are two answers!

#1 Gondor is still a partial if not full theocracy. This is one of those aspects of the book that doesnt really make sense unless you understand all the character's actions through the lense of catholicism and religious faith in general. Aragorn is 'Estel' or 'hope', but when people say 'hope' in Middle-earth what they mean is faith etc.

In lotr meta-logic the divine right to rule is a real thing that actually exists, god (Eru) literally wants Aragorn to be king. The characters within the story are aware of this to varying degrees, Boromir being one of the few characters who properly disregards this and wishes to view Aragorn's claim on it's own merit. Even Denethor knows and understands that Aragorn is chosen by god, and he's very bitter and angry about it! (good for him). But in general, all other characters including all Gondorian lords are 'faithful' or 'elendili', and within this religion the only people who could be called 'priests', who can bridge the divide between man and god, are their Kings. So, religiously, if Aragorn IS sent by god to rule them, then they would be committing a kind of heresy to refuse him. And remember, god literally exists in Arda canonically and so therefore does sin and heresy, not just in a moral way but also in a literal like... fact of nature kind of way.

So when Aragorn arrives in Pelargir with an army of ghosts it gives Lord Angbor FAITH in him. When Gandalf, an angel literally doing god's will, is his friend and expressly supports his claim the other lords of Gondor also are inspired to have faith in him. Aragorn spends a good deal of time after the siege of minas tirith ticking divine checklists for 'guy who should be king', he is not making a legal argument for his right to the Gondorian throne, he is making a religious argument for his right to rule over the entire population of 'the faithful' which includes Gondor AND Arnor, destroyed or not.

There WOULD be discussion though! Not everyone in Gondor is dunadain and not everyone is faithful in the way that the dunadain are faithful. Culturally the northern and southern dunadain have been seperated for 3000 years and a lot of people would have issues with being ruled by someone so other to them, even if he had lived among them for 10 years (though that does help). But in the end the lords of gondor are almost all dunadain and they all have to abide by the tenets of their faith, or '''fall''' and become '''lesser men''' than even the rohirrim (terrible I know 🙄) so they really had no choice but to support Aragorn in the end.

However, reason #2

Minas Tirith's armies were absolutely decimated after a weeks long siege and war before that, and what few soldiers were left were exhausted and barely functioning. Aragorn arrived at their gates and broke the siege with a full army who'd only done ONE fight and told everyone he was king of Gondor. What was Imrahil gonna do, say no?

#chats #Anonymous #aragorn #erran vs tolkien

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actual-changeling · 4 months

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Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.

i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.

This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.

As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!

Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.

Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?

Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.

Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.

What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.

Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.

I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.

I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.

They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?

Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.

So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.

At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:

He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.

There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.

Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.

Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.

Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.

He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.

With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.

So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.

The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.

Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.

Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.

His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.

They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.

Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.

The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.

Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #crowley #good omens meta #the final fifteen #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands #ineffable wives #ineffable spouses #ineffable divorce #alex's unhinged meta corner

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royboyfanpage · 2 months

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Okay a post by @mew-poo got me thinking about Titans (1999) #15-#16 again, and I think I noticed something. This may be absolute bs, I haven't slept in two days so I might be doing analysis that doesn't exist, but-

I think Roy is the only one of the fab five who doesn't hold grudges.

Essentially the comics, particularly #15, focus on the fab five being stranded on an island with Gargoyle, who is bringing their personal resentments and grudges to light, causing a lot of tensions between the team. But one thing I've noticed is that the different arguments Roy makes are rarely centred around anything that happened between him and the others off the island. The main issues for him are-

-the current situation, or-

-regarding Lian. Comparatively, the things that the others say to him, such as Garth bringing up his addiction arguably unnecessarily-

-Donna suggesting that Roy's stupid for thinking their relationship will last (and later insulting him for leaving after she said that)-

-and Dick questioning his commitment to the Titans (which I won't post a panel of due to Tumblr photo limit, so imagine it's here), it's clear to see a difference. Despite being on an island intended to highten negative emotions, Roy never actually brings up anything anyone's done in the past (at least not yet) unless he's actively prompted to by someone else, like his defending himself from Dick's criticism-

-and the only time he really brings anything up without a prompt (prior to the end) is STILL in reference to something that was said to him on the island as opposed to years ago.

I think that makes a lot of sense for Roy as a character. He's a very practical man, and so it makes sense that he wouldn't dwell on old grudges compared to current issues he's faced with. It could also, at least partially, explain why it takes Roy so long to recognise that Garth is mad at his teasing. Roy reacts strongly in the moment to issues in his life and relationships rather than letting them brew (at least this era of Roy does, his reactions were different in the Snowbirds era), which may make it harder for him to see that someone *is* harbouring a grudge against him that they haven't acted on- that's just not how his brain works.

And then, there's the moment where Roy does snap.

I don't think that Roy's dialogue here stems from a grudge, and it's not based in negativity. As mentioned earlier in the comic, Gargoyle thrives on negativity, that was what was keeping them in purgatory. However, Roy's rant and punch was what managed to free them. It's not based in bitterness but rather... I guess violently constructive criticism? Roy doesn't like seeing Dick stuck in Bruce's shadow, and his tirade is based in concern for Dick more than anything, a wake-up call. And anything similar to bitterness in this is rather based on the double standards towards Dick- everyone has to walk on eggshells around Dick's issues, whereas Roy's issues are constantly brought up (Roy's addiction is mentioned in almost every comic with him I've read). He's angry that his friends will step in and give *him* a wakeup call, but they let Dick spiral without stepping in.

Anyway I'm very tired and forgot my point halfway through writing this, so do with this as you will and reinterpretations are more than welcome.

#roy harper #arsenal #red arrow #speedy #dc comics #titans #fab five #garth of shayeris #donna troy #dick grayson

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

Note

AITA for writing a paragraph on how I want to drop my friends?

(15F for ref, everyone in here is also F and around the same age)

In 2022, I returned from a six-week camp session with friends I only see once a year (pretty shitty experience ngl, but I still had fun), A couple days later, they accused me of stealing this girl's shirt since I was the last one to wear it. I told her I didn't and I wouldn't. I had a similar steal it because. They proceed to accuse me, so to get out my feelings I write this lengthy paragraph in my notes app expressing my thoughts and what I don't like about the group. This never gets sent out, and we stay friends.

In 2023, they went to camp again (for the last eligible year so it was very special to them), but I stayed home due to pre-existing commitments. This was also the time when the notes app trend was going on, a.k .a. where people would post their notes app and all the antics they wrote. I also posted a video like this, and on the sixth slide, I put the paragraph that I wrote in 2022 (it said 2022 at the top). They didn't immediately see this because they weren't allowed to have their phones, but I private the video before they got back due to a mental health issue I had accidentally aired out. At this time, I saw nothing wrong with the paragraph being included because all the issues had blown over.

A couple months later, I un-privated the video because YOLO and the group found it and immediately got hated on so hard for the video. They post pictures of me to social media stories write paragraphs about how awful of a person I am, create lies about me, and comment on all of my Tiktok posts where I talk about the issue, despite me being vague.

I don't know where I stand in this issue because yeah, I didn't go to the trip this year, and the paragraph was admittedly rude, but they didn't even give me a chance to explain, and getting body shamed on a private Snapchat story when they know I had an ED isn't something i think I deserve, but I need outsider perspective.

The paragraph for reference:

I’m sorry but I can’t do this anymore. The whole entire time I was at camp I felt isolated because I was not as involved and as social with the boys as you guys were/are, and that might not be your fault, but you guys have no care in that being the only thing you discuss on this group chat. Every time I text about something else, it always gets pushed to the side and now you are accusing me of stealing (name)’s top. I agree, I was the last on to wear it, but distinctly remember throwing it back into (name)'s trunk. I am sorry it did not make the trip back home, but it is not my fault. I don’t want your slutty top anyways, I only borrowed it because my ebb to street wasn’t going to work. I have done so much for you guys, like letting everyone borrow my clothes, giving away my lululemon, and while some of my pieces were stolen, I am not pointing fingers at random people because I have control of my feelings. So many words have been wasted protecting the reputation of Cabin 10 from others who think you guys are attention-seeking whores (you want names? It’s the whole fucking camp), and everyone looked at me in pity when I cried into my hands because I was so sad. I have heard you guys talk shit about me in front of my face (*giggling and whispering* Are you going to try out for the play? No that’s weird. Both heads turn towards me, and laughter erupts out of the two mouths. You know who you are), and you guys have talked shit about each other to me, so I can only imagine what has been said about me. I felt ashamed about my passions, the only personality trait you guys addressed was that I was so mean and I was smart (you only revealed the latter on in private, the former was told to everyone). I am done feeling horrible about myself because you guys are so wrapped up in what every (camp) boy thinks of you, so I am cutting contact. You have ruined my camp experience to the point where I am not coming back.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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cinnamonest · 9 months

Text

Yandere Profile - Mika

I have this rare condition where when a boy is soft and shy I reflexively must make him a horrible little deranged gremlin and then subject others to the horrors I have created, it's incurable I'm afraid

//yandere, dubcon/sorta noncon, somnophilia, abduction, descriptions of psychological problems, very brief/vague potential emetophobia trigger

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What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

In addition to his obvious shyness and timidness, the primary characteristic that defines Mika's behavior with you might come as quite a surprise to anyone who knows him: Mika has low impulse control.

Not a trait you'd expect, nor is it what most who know him would ever think of him. He often gives off quite the opposite impression, being a very diligent worker and often refraining from the unsavory behaviors many of his peers engage in.

But, see, it's not something that's ever really been an issue. That's the thing — this lack of impulse control is not so much a reflection of his character, and more so due to the simple fact that for the majority of his life, he has never had very strong impulses, and whenever he does, it's never to do anything morally wrong.

He's always been good-natured and benevolent, always wanting to please people and help people, and can't recall a time where he's ever really wanted to do something that harms someone. Even typical human nature impulses like stealing or lying don't really come to him, he's just that naturally sweet and compassionate and morally upright. His impulses are all good impulses, such as impulses to help people, impulses to apologize when someone is inconvenienced.

He's never really done anything malicious or harmful or selfish, and has never had to even learn impulse control, because he's never had an impulse to do anything bad.

Until he does. And when that happens, it's going to become a serious problem very quickly.

Still, that doesn't mean he has zero hesitancy, or no limitations to how far his impulses will go before, under certain circumstances, fear or ethics stops him. Rather, Mika has this back-and-forth, push-and-pull duality between impulse and hesitancy. Sometimes the hesitancy and nervousness has control over his actions for various durations of time before impulse takes over, and sometimes one or the other wins out. Oftentimes, he has almost amusing contradictory behaviors, where he has something he refuses to do and something he'll do without hesitation, where the two things seem to be at odds in severity — some minor offense he tenses and shakes his head at even the thought of committing, alongside some very serious offense he goes through with without a second thought.

In terms of how he initially interacts with you, though, you barely know Mika exists. And frankly, he prefers that.

You had one singular interaction. It didn't last more than a few seconds. A very short, simple, typical interaction — he was carrying a whole armful of various objects to drop them off in another room of the headquarters, dropped one. Turned back to grab it, but by the time he did, you were standing there, having picked it up, holding it out. Smiling.

Here, I got it.

You set it back in his arms, gave a quick no worries, it's fine! when he began to apologize, and turned around and walked off before he could say another word. It was no more than a few seconds. You've probably all but forgotten about it by the end of the day.

But he doesn't forget. You seemed very nice. Nice people give him some conflicting feelings — sure, it's pleasant, but people being nice to him also makes him very uncomfortable at times. Being subject to much attention, even positive attention, can be anxiety-inducing. People looking at him, people having expectations of him, having to try to successfully navigate a conversation without messing up and being awkward somehow, it can be exhausting, even.

Your niceness is no different. Pleasant and appreciated, but somehow discomforting at the same time, a nervousness over potentially doing something wrong. Did you hear the last "thank you" he said, or was he too talking too quietly? What if you didn't and now think he's ungrateful or rude? What if his hair or clothes were disheveled at the time and he didn't notice? There's so many possibilities by which something could be wrong, and it eats away at him.

From that day forward, he always notices you whenever you're nearby. The two of you never interact, you're in an entirely different field of work than him, but he does spot you once every few days or so, usually at a distance.

Don't expect anything more than a distance, though. Mika does pretty much all of his obsessing like that — a ways away from you, quietly observing. It starts as a mere fixation, he simply focuses on you when he happens to see you, but doesn't seek you out. Just watching, observing. He finds himself feeling oddly warm, this tight feeling in his chest. There was one time your eyes met and you smiled at him and he thought he might actually have felt his heart stop for a second.

He's self-aware, at least on this matter, doesn't need anyone to inform him that the flustered feeling and finding a person very pretty is quite obviously a matter of attraction. Just acknowledging that, though, fills him with a horrible feeling of embarrassment. He wouldn't stand a chance, he tells himself. You would never return the sentiment. He has no right to feel this way, and yet he does, and he can't make it stop. Soon he finds himself actually seeking you out in his spare time, finding spots to watch over you. The thought of trying to actually talk to you honestly doesn't even cross his mind. He's sure he'd panic and say something awkward, if not possibly even pass out. So that's definitely a no-go.

His mind does briefly consider the idea that he could try to distance himself and see if he stops thinking about it, which would alleviate him of all the nervousness... but this is where the impulse issue comes in. He considers it, maybe casually half-heartedly decides to do that, but even if any effort is put into trying to stay away, it's immediately broken by the compulsive urge to go find you.

I really should just go home...

So he thinks. But he doesn't. His feet don't even slow down or hesitate as he makes a direct line for where he's pretty sure you'll be at this time.

It progresses. It becomes more frequent that he seeks you out. One day, he watches you from across the room as everyone gathers to eat, they hand out paper cups with water to some people... and he watches you get up to throw yours away when you're done, stand up and leave and... once more, he seems to move without really consciously intending to do so. A few seconds and he's across the room, taking one quick glance over his shoulder to be sure no one is watching before grabbing it and pulling it back out.

This does strike him as odd, once he's walking back home with it in hand. That was definitely a very strange thing to do. He just thought about how it had your mouth on it, and his hands and feet seemed to develop a mind of their own... but now that he has it, there's no point in throwing it away, so he might as well keep it...

While he's self-aware of his feelings, it takes a little while before it registers with him how abnormal the extent of those feelings is. A few more of incidents like that one, where he notices that a certain actions was a little odd, before one day it hits him that he's done quite a few of those recently, actions and choices that seem strange and bizarre. Every single one of said occurrences pertains to you in some way. He makes the connection, he knows it's weird and possibly indicative of unhealthy attachment, but doesn't know what to really do with that information.

He tries to stop doing it. He really does. He tells himself it's weird and that he needs to stop doing those things, stop following you, stop constantly thinking of you.

He doesn't stop.

He did try, really. It just... didn't work. He told himself he wouldn't do anything further, but he just couldn't stop himself, couldn't repress the compulsion.

But it's not harming anyone, is it? So he rationalizes to himself, trying to make himself feel better after a long session of wallowing in shame. So while odd, it should all be okay, nothing bad will happen.

He's never had to deal with these types of feelings before. Never had to try to control himself from doing something that would harm someone, because normally, the very notion that an action would harm someone makes him feel averse to that course of action. He has very little to no experience in refraining or holding himself back from temptations.

It gets worse. Progressively becoming more and more intense and obsessive. He starts to feel other emotions, very negative ones, when watching you go about your day and interact with others. He's still self-aware enough to know that it's jealousy, and frankly he feels embarrassed for getting jealous over something so simple, it makes him feel like he's being immature and pathetic. And he knows he's crossed a line of acceptableness long ago, knows that it's obsessive, knows it's unhealthy. At first, he was able to lie to himself.

But he just can't make it stop.

Thus he begins to adopt what will become a defining trait of his, an interesting balance between lucidity and delusion. He can't outright admit to himself that his actions are ethically bad, because he'll feel too guilty, it would eat him alive. Yet, he initially doesn't want to face that guilt and admit the reality to himself in entirety, because that means the only solution is to stop and he doesn't want to have to stop.

He will try to delude himself, he just... usually sort of half-fails. He'll try to convince himself that his actions are solely altruistic, that what he's doing is selfless... but eventually he gives up, faces the truth he's been pushing to the back of his mind. Yet at the same time, he'll then try to balance it, a sort of moral bargaining. He'll admit to himself that his actions are selfish — but, it's doing good too. He's doing this because of his own urges, but it's not wrong to say that it is also for your own good, because he's watching over you and can protect you should something bad happen. Both can be true. Why think about it as an either-or matter? Taking this frame of mind significantly helps him cope with coming to terms with the selfishness of his actions. So on one hand, he's honest with himself, but he still throws in a few touches of delusional thinking to make himself feel better.

Mika also has a very bad habit of avoidance. With most situations, he's learned how to adapt to the normal world and can, if necessary, confront basic negative social situations, but he has this tendency to really avoid confrontations or social things that make him particularly uncomfortable, to a greater degree than most people. If he has a feeling someone is upset with him (but hasn't had it confirmed yet, or else he'd feel obligated to apologize and thus override the avoidance), he will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation from them. When he has to have a difficult talk with someone, he pushes it as close to the end of the day as possible, arguably making it worse due to dread.

And when he has some thought that makes him uncomfortable or guilty, he pushes it away. He can't push it out of his mind completely, but he tries as much as he can to simply avoid thinking about it.

Such is how his actions towards you become. At first he acknowledged it, and tried to fix it, but the more apparent it becomes that he can't stop himself, the more he adopts this mentality of avoidance. It's the only way he can cope with what would otherwise be a lot of self-directed frustration and guilt. He just avoids it.

He tries to not think about the fact that certain thoughts he has or certain things he does are unusual, or perhaps worse, would even be perceived as inappropriate. He's a people-pleaser by nature, tries hard to make sure no one is upset with him or dislikes him, and thus the thought of doing something that would be perceived that way makes his stomach churn — and thus, he only pushes the thought away even further, along with the alarming dread of the realization that said pushing is not a wise choice. He knows that, at least partially, this is him actively choosing a path that could have severe consequences, and that the thoughts he's dispelling are really his own sense of reason. But, of course, that thought gets cleared along with the others... not that this method can last forever.

He can just push any bad thoughts away, repeat lies to himself over and over until he starts to believe them in some sense, even if he knows they're not true deep deep down. While it certainly won't end well, for now, that's the only solution he has.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

You'd actually be quite surprised at how quickly he'll resort to kidnapping. At first, he might seem like the type to never do so out of guilt or a strong desire for moral correctness, and while it's true that those sentiments are there and quite strong, that difficulty to retain his sense of inhibition comes back to bite him yet again. He's obviously not the sort of person who would do such a thing without shame or care, like some less ethically sound, more brazenly narcissistic, or more mentally unwell individuals might. No, the thought strikes him with a jolt of reprehension and guilt for even allowing that sort of thought, so he pushes it out of his mind.

It just sort of happens. The sort of thing one does where they're almost in a sort of trance or dissociative state, acting in an automated way to go through with something without much conscious intent. An absent-minded action here or there, perhaps with some actual intent to shift his mind into an auto-piloted state as he buys things, arranges things. As with everything else, even if he knows it's not true, he can tell himself little lies over and over, so that even though at this point he actively acknowledges what his desires are, he can present himself with other reasons for each step that soothe his unease... otherwise, if he didn't feed himself those ideas, he might not be able to bring himself to do it. He tells himself that that he went to another town to buy rope because he needed to take a long walk to clear his head, not so that the purchase would be less traceable. He makes up little what-if scenarios to rationalize why he's buying this or that, alternative uses for which it might hypothetically one day be useful. That he's moving to a new place of his own for Independence and all that, and not to have somewhere to store you.

See, that gives him the opportunity to back out. It stops him from having to acknowledge any determined commitment to the fantasies he's run through in his head, and thereby allows him to distance himself from any panic, guilt, or other negative emotion that would drown him if he were to resolutely and firmly commit to fulfilling said fantasy. He can allow himself some false sense of casual undecidedness, because if he acknowledges that there's really one sole reason he's getting these things together, it will eat him up internally.

Likewise, he never sets a specific date to do anything. That would be acknowledgement of intent, he can't have that. He just... gets the necessary things together, sets up all the arrangements with an absent mind, and waits.

There's no particular trigger, actually. Nothing that specifically sets him off or pushes him to make his move. Once more, it just happens. Without any real reason for that specific moment, he just finds his feet wandering, veering a different way than he initially intended to go. He's already memorized where you live and what your route to get there is, and has already absent-mindedly come up with three possible routes from your place to the one he's set up to be his from now on. He shuts down any conscious thought — who can say to what degree was that itself a conscious decision, if he really thought about it at all — and moves.

And such is how, within an hour or so, he finds himself standing to the side of his own bed, wide-eyed and perfectly still, staring down at your peacefully unconscious face, the rise and fall of your chest. It's not until then that it sort of comes crashing down on him all at once. Frankly, it's for the best that you're unconscious for the initial borderline panic attack and subsequent mental breakdown, because any interference from you might have made him worse. He breathes hard and fast, his body starts to shiver, his hands curl up so hard his knuckles go white, his eyes water up, he ends up stumbling over to the nearest trash bin and spends a half-hour too sick to move from the spot. Coming to terms with what has occurred — what he did — is enough to put him in a very bad state for quite some time.

But time passes, and while he's certainly not calmed down, the violently sick and tearful outbursts are soon over, and he finds himself merely sitting sprawled out on the floor, heavy breathing, face buried in his shaking hands as it all sinks in. There's a singular moment then and there where he takes a deep breath in and out, and forces himself to firmly acknowledge the reality of things... he knows he has to, at this point, because not doing so will make things fall apart, and then he's screwed if you get out. Now, he tells himself, he has to get up and move forward and live with his choices... and spend whatever time he has left before you wake up preparing and rehearsing exactly what he'll say to you. Yeah, that's a good start...

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

He's very paranoid of the possibility for escape, so he goes all-out in terms of his measures. For starters, for a long while, he keeps you bound by one ankle to the bedpost — but it's leather, he went out of his way to make sure you'd be comfortable! Just to make sure you don't go wandering off. And, of course, adds a series of locks to the door from the outside.

The unfortunate thing for you is that he's also very precise and skillful in anything requiring mathematic-like abilities, and as such, the further measures he takes are very effective. It's not as simple as putting something heavy in front of the door, no, he goes out of his way to get down on the ground, measure the width and height of the door, the surface area it will move over when it opens, the distance to the nearest wall corner and the angle, and from there creates a simple mechanism out of basic materials that he can install and lock into place whenever he leaves, that touches the opposite wall and the door itself, making it impossible to open the door unless removed by someone on the same side as said mechanism.

And that's not all. He's got a snare trap he learned from hunting (loop made a bit bigger for a human foot, of course) set just beyond the door just in case, and every night when you go to bed, he always leaves the room for just a second to do something he refuses to tell you about when you ask, which is actually putting up some mechanisms above the doors so that if they open, it'll make a loud sound. Not that you really stand a chance of getting your ankle unbound and out of his arms anyway, but you know, just in case.

That's what most of his measures are, just precautions for all sorts of possibilities his brain comes up with, all the little things you could use or do. Which is why, in addition to setting up mechanisms to keep you in, he's also extremely careful about what you can get your hands on. He himself has had a lot of experience with situations where he had to get creative and use common everyday items to improvise for tools, so he's very familiar with the concept of makeshift items for purposes like lockpicking, heat conducting, even makeshift weaponry. Consequently, every time he considers giving you something or bringing you something, he runs the idea through his head to think of any possible means by which you may end up using it against him.

Ultimately, there are so many measures taken that even if you manage to get through one, the next will likely catch you, and any potential successful escape will undoubtedly require some trial and error lessons from previous attempts. Should he find you caught in one of said anti-escape traps, he frets over your condition, checking to see if it hurt you or something before rushing you back inside... but thereafter, he just gets quiet, sad, and pitiful-looking for a while. He waits for you to say something first, but if you don't, after a little while of silence he'll finally voice his feelings.

...I want you to be happy here, so... if there's something making you unhappy...

Or so he says, but your most likely complaints — that you want to leave, or want more freedoms or the like — will go in one ear and out the other, with him telling you he can't allow that (for your own well-being, of course!) and telling himself that there must be something else, some other way he can appease your desires without giving you what you actually want. The more he tells himself that, the more he can shove aside the gnawing pessimistic thoughts in the back of his head that you'll never get accustomed to him and never give in. That's not true, no. He'll find a way eventually.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

If anything, you have trouble getting him to believe the truth. He's quite paranoid, and is always suspicious of everything, thinks everything is a potential lie.

Not that he's hostile about it. He's torn between his paranoia and not wanting to offend you by implying you're lying, so whenever you try to convince him of something, he works his way around giving you a direct statement in reply.

Well, I'll have to look into it myself...

I don't know about that...

Maybe we can pick back up on this conversation later, okay?

Trying (and not doing a very great job) to make it less obvious that he doesn't believe you, so you don't get upset. Although he makes it a bit too obvious considering that if it turns out you're right, he'll come back and apologize for not believing you, even though he was clearly trying to hide that fact beforehand.

He never acts on anything you say without going out of his way to check the validity of your statements. Sometimes this can get genuinely very annoying when he consumes unnecessary time doing so, especially because he also gets other bouts of paranoia and refuses to believe your reassurances. Like once when you made food for him (more out of boredom than anything), despite having done so dozens of times by now, this one particular time paranoia strikes and he pauses and asks if you did something to it.

No. Why, does it smell or taste weird?

No...

Then what's wrong with it? Why do you think that?

I just... I don't know...

There really is nothing wrong with it, he just has these intrusive worrisome thoughts and can't shake them. You keep reassuring him it's fine and he just refuses to believe you. He does this a lot with all sorts of things, randomly deciding that you're hiding something or have done something or are plotting something and reassuring him just won't work, he ends up taking all sorts of unnecessary measures to prevent whatever thing he thinks you're done or are doing that isn't actually happening.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Of course, he goes out of his way to do anything he thinks will win your favor or make you like him more, which usually includes using whatever money he has on him to buy as many things for you as he can. Anything related to something you like, some hobby that could occupy your time, or just generic, standard gifts like chocolate and flowers and clothes that he hopes will win at least some favor points.

Otherwise, he's actually not as lenient as you might expect due to sheer paranoia. Sure, he would like to grant your requests to go outside for walks or write to your family, he really would, and it makes him feel so awful and sick to deny you that, but he's just too worried. And as aforementioned, he's very careful about what you can get ahold of, surveys every items within your vicinity to ensure it can't be used for any harmful or unwanted purposes.

This means that your hobbies and requests are also often limited. You can do art, but only paint and wax utensils, no actual pens or pencils, too pointy and too much weapon potential. You can knit with very dull knitting needles, but no sewing or any needles with actual skin-breaking potential. And you can cook, just only while he watches, and no knives other than a butter knife. But... you can just let him do that, he'll gladly make food for you anyway (hope you like knight rations!), so there's no need for you to do so, so he says. Very obviously trying to deter you from a hobby he would prefer you not do out of fear you'll find a way to utilize what you have (what will you do? Boil water and throw it at him? Hit him with a metal pan?), but he allows it if it makes you happy.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

They're more like requests, at least with how he says it.

Just stay in here and don't make any noise... please.

Um, please don't touch that... it's dangerous, I forgot to out it away, so... could you hand it over...?

Are you... ignoring me on purpose? I really wish you wouldn't do that...

But he realizes in a very short time that you do not fear or respect him in any capacity. Which he might have predicted, but it still hurts a bit. Logically, it makes sense, he knows he's perceived as a very meek person, and he knows that you have no real reason to see him as a force to be obeyed. He knows that in order to actually enforce behaviors, he needs to have you intimidated. He doesn't like the idea of making you afraid, but it may be necessary... unfortunately his attempts don't go over very well at first when you show defiance.

Oh yeah? Or what?

Or I'll, uh... I'll do something... bad....

Needless to say, you didn't seem particularly frightened.

Thus, when deciding how to address the issues of your behavior, he runs into a metaphorical wall, can't think of anything at all. Unlike taking you and bringing you here and following you and all those other behaviors, punishment actually does some harm and must be unpleasant for you, and he can't justify punishment to himself. He can't stand the thought of being cruel, or making you hate him, so for a while, he largely just lets you get away with violating the "rules" he sets...

...Until it occurs to him that he might be looking at it from the wrong perspective.

It ties back into his tendency to half-delude himself. Everything else he's done was for your own good, or at least he can rationalize it as such if he tries, even if he knows deep down that wasn't the primary motivation. It still helped you be together. And to keep you here, he has to take measures to ensure you don't leave, including reprimanding behaviors that aren't good for you and him. He wants to not have to do anything bad to you, but by doing so once or twice, you'll learn not to do the things you shouldn't, and he won't have to do anything bad. That's how parents and teachers and the like approach having to punish kids, right? Same idea. Thus, it's a temporary measure, if anything, it takes a lot of care for you to be willing to force himself to do it.

Still, he finds the thought of actually hurting you difficult. What he ends up coming up with is, essentially, deprivation. He read about something similar in a book once, that it was used as a psychological torture tactic at some point. Covering your eyes and ears, binding your hands and feet, and leaving you alone for hours on end. At first you're mad, he can tell you're jerking about and trying to rub the binds off. Then you go quiet, for some time. It's difficult for him to handle, he's constantly looking back at you to ensure you're alright.

It doesn't take as long as he expected. Within forty-eight hours or so, you reach a breaking point, you break down and start to shiver with whimpers and sobs. That's all it takes for him to bolt over to your side, pulling everything off as fast as he can and holding you close, apologizing over and over and assuring you that everything is fine. Look, he even had food ready because he was so concerned... so please don't be mad. It hurts him too.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

Much like with kidnapping, he's not unlikely to kill as you might think.

In the initial stages of stalking and following, he takes immediate notice of anyone you hang around a lot. Even from the very start, just seeing you speak to and interact with other people gives him an unpleasant pang of some very negative feeling in his chest, but the severity of it steadily increases each time he sees you interact with the same person.

After a very short time, he figures out who the people you're closest to are, and watches you with each day as you interact. He feels nauseous. There's a twisting, tight feeling in his stomach. A tightness in his chest. He recognizes it as an extension of irritation and resentment, and it doesn't take much though to recognize that, contextually, as jealousy. It makes him bounce back and forth between hurt and sadness and anger.

He feels bad for feeling that way, though. Jealousy is a bad thing, it's an immature and selfish emotion, so he's always believed. At least, that's how he used to view it when observing it in others, but it's an entirely different matter to experience it for oneself. Now he understands the ways he's seen people act in fits of jealousy, what he used to dismiss as unwell or hysterical individuals' behavior now seems so much more understandable.

Initially, he tries to just focus on watching you to ensure your safety and to ignore the feeling — predictably, based on already established tendencies, this does not go over well. The resentment he feels towards the other person swells with each passing day. So does the guilt that he feels for holding so much malice towards another person, but the guilt doesn't stop the malice itself. It just gets worse.

It's also frightening, in a way. He knows that he's developing these negative sentiments, knows it's not healthy, knows it can lead him to rash and potentially dangerous impulsive choices, and the thought that he might do something bad without forethought scares him. Being self-aware of it is almost worse than being purely deluded, because he's aware of decreasing stability, he's aware of the abnormality, he's aware that these sentiments could lead him to make choices that are awful and wrong and could have serious consequences, all the things that outright delusion would keep him blissfully unattuned to. This is especially true the worse it gets, when he starts to actually have brief images flashing through his head or intrusive thoughts come to his mind about how he could get rid of them, ways and means by which he could carry out such an act.

That fear has an upside, though, in that the sheer fear of consequence keeps him from acting upon the urges, at least for some time. See, with something like kidnapping, the evidence itself is gone as a part of the act itself. But murder? What would he do with the body? How would he dispose of it without being seen? Even as the strength of his guilt begins to wane, the uncertainty and fear restrains him enough to not do anything, to sit there and be forced to tolerate it, even if it makes him feel sick. If anything, continuous interaction with someone is just going to hasten getting abducted for you.

If he does end up killing, unfortunately, it's purely impulsive, and consequently not well-planned. It actually takes him a moment to even recognize what he's done — he stands there in a daze, looking back and forth at his hands and the body now slumped over or on the ground or at the bottom of a long fall or whatever method was taken, processing it as his mind catches up to his actions. It doesn't feel "real" at first, as if he can't accept it being the reality before him.

But when he does, he panics. A sort of panic he's never felt before in his entire life, even in the most perilous of situations. Thankfully, out of the two most common responses to this situation — run away or hide the crime — he takes the latter, opting to at least dispose of it before trying to forget about it. Like everything else he does, he'll certainly spend a very long time repeatedly rationalizing it to himself, telling himself it was his only choice or that they were dangerous to you and he was doing something good, so on and so on.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

He's slow to truly anger, but he's not that slow to simply get upset. Perhaps the best word for how his emotions manifest would be frustration. Stressful things or rare cases of disagreements where he's very firm on his stance and can't simply bow his head and concede, overwhelm him very easily. He gets tense, fidgety, and depending on who he's interacting with, often intimidated. But if he gets frustrated enough, he starts to ball his hands into fists, arms tense and straight at his side while he tries to deescalate the situation, or, if he's really upset, stand his ground and make it clear he won't be dissuaded.

If you push him into a metaphorical corner and be as argumentative and hostile as possible, though, honestly, he's more likely to cry than anything. He just gets overwhelmed and frustrated and the emotions become too much for him to handle, and his eyes well up with tears and he bites his lip. He feels it coming on, though, and he's very adamant that you not see that, as he finds it embarrassing and thinks it would damage your image of him. Thus, he ends up just making a sharp turn around and walking off to another room, only to come back a while later. If you try to bring the subject up again, he just tenses up and tries to deflect from it, outright saying he doesn't want to talk about it anymore if you're persistent.

This can become something of an issue of avoidance, where he swerves his way around hard conversations and having to hear things he'd rather not. He continuously flees conversations he doesn't like, both out of not wanting to be seen getting emotional and also because it's his way of shutting you down and avoiding having to acknowledge some of the very valid points you have.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Saying that he sees you as "above" him doesn't really capture the exact sentiment that he has.

He does pedestalize you to some extent, which you might have expected, but actually, he's not really the type of person to be sensitive to or even put much thought into the "worth" or "value" of a person, for very logical reasons: there's no set factors or qualities that determine worth and value, it's all subjective, and therefore can't truly be defined. And if it can't be defined, it can't be quantified. It can change based on perspective and mood. What's the point of thinking of people and oneself based on a system so vague and unsteady?

Ultimately, it's not so much a matter of worth or pedestalization, rather, what he gets obsessive and neurotic over is need.

The power dynamic subtly woven into all interpersonal relationships. One always needs the other more. One always cares more. In the social network, that is what matters above all else, whoever "wins" and "loses" in that sort of mind game. And he's painfully aware that he's the loser here, that he needs you more than you do him. He cares more, he wants you more. Acknowledging it hurts, but he can't lie to himself on this matter. At the same time, his mind goes blank when he tries to think of how to resolve the problem. There's really nothing he can do. He just has to hope that keeping you here makes up for what would otherwise be a vulnerability of his.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

He's incredibly determined, he just doesn't really know how to go about it. Mika has a very analytic, pragmatic brain, one that works well with concepts such as sentential logic, numerical functions and mathematics, and of course, cartography. Concepts with processes set in stone, laid out with a very clear way to arrive at a very specific solution or result. Things that are formulaic and linear.

Relationships between people are not like that. There is no perfect course of action guaranteed to produce the desired result. Everything is uncertain and uneasy, and that makes it such a nerve-wracking thing to deal with. At least he can try. There's not much more he can do, as much as he wishes there was some way to guarantee it.

Perhaps somewhat to his own detriment, in his perpetual attempts to alleviate his negative emotions and worry, when thinking of how to win you over, he sort of completely neglects to take the situation into account. That is, he completes dodges acknowledging the circumstances by which you're even here to begin with, approaches it as if you're in a normal situation and thus that normal things like gifts and kind words should work, avoiding any and all acknowledgement of the fact that having brought you here against your will is kind of an important part of it all, and one that has undoubtedly given you a very negative sentiment towards him. He feels sick even just letting his mind vaguely drift to thinking about what you must feel towards him, given his actions. No, he prefers to not think about that, and choose optimism instead, choose to believe his efforts will work eventually and there's definitely not some huge and possibly impossible obstacle to overcome. Lying to himself just feels better, you know?

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

Firstly, his bargaining system. He develops this in his head, a two-part self-comfort mechanism where firstly, he goes back-and-forth rationalizing everything he does with some aspect making it less bad in his mind, and secondly, tries to pair every bad action with a good one. Since he has a strong sense of ethics and guilt, he can't just carelessly do what he does, nor begrudgingly accept himself the way others might. Thus, he spends a lot of time in deep thought, internally struggling with himself and dealing with his feelings. He will quite literally go down the list of everything he has done that he feels bad about, and think of a way it can be spun as something positive.

He bargains when thinking about potential actions as well, rationalizing, just spends so much time thinking about these things. He was always prone to overthinking, but now takes it to an extreme as he spends excessive amounts of time running over things in his head. That this action isn't that bad for this and that reason, this is acceptable because of these circumstances, so on and so on. He spends far more time obsessively going through these sorts of thoughts than others in his situation.

And then, he will literally tally the major offenses, and for each one, he does something good for you. Buys you something, does something for your sake, tries to perform some gesture to make you happy. He deals with his perceived sins on a one-to-one ratio, as if by doing a good thing, he somehow cancels out the bad things, or compensates for them, or something like that. He doesn't really fully understand the exact intent, but he knows that doing this makes him feel better.

There's also another unique factor: the initial impression he makes, the way you and pretty much anyone perceives him at first, begins to unravel over time. You begin to understand his true nature for what it is, even to a degree he himself has never done enough introspection to really understand. You gradually begin to realize that, even though it's subconscious for him, he's far more clever, deliberate, and even selfish than it would seem on the surface.

His tendencies for apologizing can get on your nerves very, very quickly, but you still pity him. At first, you don't think much of it other than him being burdened by guilt, you thought of him as someone with a very bad case of some deep psychological problem, someone who was a very good person deep down, but tormented by some uncontrollable condition or something. You feel bad for him, try to reason with him, thinking that his internal goodness, if invoked, will lead him to do the right thing.

But... perhaps it's because you hear his apologies so much that the words start to lose meaning, sorry becomes a jumbled set of sounds with no significance. And as your initial belief in the sincerity of his remorse wanes, the way you perceive him and his actions starts to shift as well. You have a lot of time to ponder things, and you start to feel like you're beginning to understand a darker element to his psychology that even he might not be fully aware of.

The constant apologies and meekness starts to seem to align with his intentions. That the apologetic sentiments aren't separate from or antithetical to his ultimate desires and goals, but rather, an active means by which he obtains those goals.

You notice little things you didn't before.

That even though he apologizes when doing something he thinks will invoke your anger, he doesn't seem shaky or hesitant. The words come out of his mouth, but his hands nonetheless move with straightforward, unhesitating intent. The illusion of this poor pitiful thing that just wants to love you seems to fade as you notice more, think about it more.

And one day, as he apologizes once more, in a moment of frustration, you narrow your eyes and snap at him.

No you're not. You just say you are to make yourself feel better.

Your words certainly have an effect. He stiffens, shakes his head, immediately begins to insist that's not true, that he really is sorry and that he really doesn't want to hurt you. He insists over and over. And the thought sticks with him, since he keeps trying to reassure you for days on end.

He seems so pitiful as he does that. Admittedly, even though you try not to, he's so very good at making you feel bad for him. You're the one kidnapped and held prisoner by this guy, yet somehow he manages to make you pity him so often. But that too starts to register differently the more you think about it.

Whether it's a conscious or subconscious behavior — likely the latter — that is the intent. He wants you to feel bad for him, and whether or not he realizes it — in fact, you're pretty sure he doesn't realize it, that it's just his nature and not a behavior he does consciously — deep down he's intentionally behaving as pitifully as he can. After all, if he's so meek and desperate to please that you can't help but feel bad for him, then you can't bring yourself to hate him, to be angry.

That, too, you finally one day bring up, on a day where you're in a particularly rough state of mind, having been drained of the fight you had left in you, melancholic and distant and tired. You're laying down, staring up at the ceiling while he's going on about some disagreement you've had, when he says it again, that he's sorry. You exhale a deep breath.

You turn your head towards him, too spiritually exhausted to summon any real anger, voice coming out flat and cold.

No. You want me to feel sorry for you so that you can do whatever you want, and I'll pity you too much to do anything about it.

Unlike your prior accusation of using it for self-soothing, this time, he doesn't immediately rush to defend himself. He just... freezes. He gets quiet. But his eyes are blown wide open, he stands there slack-jawed and still as several seconds pass by. As if your words aren't striking him as a jab at something he was aware of, but an expression of genuine shock, perhaps even realization.

It's quiet for a minute before he finally snaps out of the momentary stupor, shaking his head.

No, no, I just... I'm not...

And then he goes quiet again, looking down at the ground for a moment before taking a step back.

I need to... take a walk.

It's a quiet, uneasy voice you've never heard him use. He turns around and bolts out the door without a second of hesitation, lacking the usual five or so goodbyes he usually gives whenever he leaves. You're pretty sure you struck something he really doesn't want to think about... but in the end, given how he's such a slave to his urges, you doubt it will have much of an effect.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

He's very easily flustered and embarrassed even with topics of a normal and socially appropriate nature, so it only gets that much worse when it comes to anything that even most people would be embarrassed by. He blushes very easily, and it's very easily visible, which, along with general embarrassment, means he's developed a habit of covering his face with his hands whenever he feels embarrassment.

You'll have a somewhat difficult time even getting him to talk about anything of a sexual nature. If it's a joke or innuendo he'll awkwardly laugh it off, but if you actually try to have a serious conversation about it in some way, he goes red in the face, stammers and sputters and tries to give a one-word answer and switch to another topic.

Not that he doesn't have a sex drive or impure thoughts — he very much has both of those things, but as with his other behaviors, he's caught in between hesitancy and impulse, and for some time at least, his hesitancy and sense of moral wrong will keep him in check before that control breaks.

He hesitates for quite some time to touch you, even. He doesn't really keep a huge distance though, interestingly enough. As nervous as he is (and noting that he usually keeps physical space between himself and others), once he has you to himself, his self-control is just on the threshold of touch, where he can't stop himself from being in close proximity (even if it does make his heart race), but he's still too nervous to just reach an arm out and let your skin brush against his, to actually do something. So he stays close, provided you're actually being somewhat nice and non-hostile. It takes him a pretty long while to work up the nerve to actually touch, and if you're too cold and hostile towards him, it will delay it even further.

Once he has, though, he becomes very fond of touch. He likes to just wrap his arms around you and hold you close, can lay silently like that for quite some time. The more fond of it he becomes, though, the more sensitive to rejection of touch he gets, so after a while, if you keep swatting away his hands or jerking away from his touch, it will make him considerably more hurt than it did in the beginning.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Initially, he would be too nervous to really perform even if you were begging him for it, so even consensually that's not going to happen for a while. It takes time to get used to your presence right there, to come to terms with the fact that you're really here and he has you all to himself and it's not even a dream. That what was once so far away, always watched at a distance, is now right in front of him. He needs a while just to really process that and all the emotions that come with that realization.

Beyond that stage, though, as with his general behaviors, it's another issue of impulse.

Granted, he does manage to fight that one off for a long time, and will never bring himself to outright violate you, so it could be argued that he does, in fact, manage to summon some self-control on this one thing. It helps that he has a very "pure" view of you (regardless of your actual level of experience), and feels like he'd "defile" you by doing anything to you. He can ward off "bad" thoughts by instilling a reflexive sense of guilt the moment they emerge.

More importantly, he staves off any such thoughts the moment he considers what it would mean in regards to his own perception of himself. His set of values is borderline self-contradicting and somewhat amusing, where he somehow manages to rationalize everything else he's done, and doesn't see himself as a horrible person for the whole kidnapping and imprisonment thing, yet sexual violation is where he draws the line. He's not a terrible person or anything, but someone who does that definitely would be! He's repulsed by the concept of such individuals, so he could never bring himself to become one. He has a bit of a lack of self-awareness, wherein he believes that there's a world of difference between the two things, that his actions are just each a mild misdeed for complicated reasons, not a heinous crime like that would be.

Eventually, though, like everything else, it starts to slip. He starts bargaining with himself, running loops of logic to absolve himself of fault and diminish the perceived severity of a potential action. First he permits himself to have thoughts — it's just thoughts, it can't hurt you, you won't even know about it, so what's the harm done? By allowing himself to run through fantasies in his head, he'll get the urges out and lower the risk of making a rash choice of action, so it's actually a good thing.

It's only a matter of time before "thoughts" becomes actions. Sneaking a few glances as you shower or undress, letting his hands brush against you just enough to seem accidental, jerking off over you while you sleep, and eventually, it progresses to maybe giving you some medication to make you sleep a bit heavily, so you won't wake when he runs his hands over your body.

But it increasingly begins to feel like it's not enough. He hangs on this fine line balance where his sense of ethics and self creates a strong hesitation and wariness, like an automatic safety-trigger stop function on a piece of machinery, telling himself he can't do such a thing, while at the same time, the urge is so strong that once his inhibition is worn down, it comes out all at once like a broken dam.

But he still loves you, he still wants to respect you, he hates hates hates the thought of hurting you, so he uses whatever inhibition is left to refrain from actually doing something, and instead tells you. Asks you for help, even. Very openly and honestly.

I don't want to do something bad to you. But I can't... I feel like I'm going insane or something...

It's entirely truthful, but acting like it's just for your sake isn't entirely honest. Maybe, just maybe, it's partially with intention. Hoping you feel bad, hoping you take his request for help not in a way to help him stop, but to help him rid himself of the frustration and need. Maybe. And if you do, then it will all be okay. He's sure to emphasize that, if so.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Voyeurism/Somnophilia

These are included together because they serve the same general purpose: allowing him to alleviate his needs without feeling like he's actually committing some act of violation.

It can't hurt to look. Especially when you don't see him. Watching you change, watching you stretch, his eyes run up and down your body as his own begins to feel warm and fuzzy. He used to just glance and be done with it, but finds his eyes lingering longer and longer.

There's also the time he got home a bit early, came in through the back quietly enough that you didn't hear, just to be greeted by the sight of you panting and arching, hand between your legs, arm draped over your eyes, perfectly uncovered. It caught him so off-guard and put him in such a stunned state that he ended up standing there, mouth agape for several seconds processing it, only to quietly sneak back just enough to be able to duck out of sight if necessary, and to be able to hide his own lower half, working himself to watching you do the same. Thankfully you didn't notice him, and he was able to play it off as coming through the door just right after you were done. You probably thought it was perfect timing. And it was... just not for you.

Eventually, as his urges grow stronger, he takes to touching you in your sleep. In a way, it's actually quite nice because it's a calming and reassuring way to interact with your body, no worrying about it being too obvious that he has no idea what he's doing. No embarrassment over blatantly staring, even if it's harder to see in the dark. And even despite your sleep, he still gets an exhilarating rush every time you respond to the touches, when you twitch and make the softest sounds.

Mutual masturbation/instruction

It sort of ties into the former, but with you consciously aware of it. He couldn't exactly say why he has voyeuristic tendencies, but even when you're actively aware of his presence, watching can be just as pleasurable as actively participating. He likes touching you too, so he usually combines the two, so it's not purely voyeuristic per se, but combines the element nonetheless. Basically this means he wants to watch you touch yourself in some way, preferably while he does in another — have his fingers buried inside you while you play with your chest, or the inverse, letting him suck on your nipples while you rub at yourself.

But even if he's not actively doing something, he just really, really likes seeing you masturbate. It takes a while for that inclination to be exposed, because he's very shy about it, but eventually, especially if you're fully receptive and accepting of him, he'll muster up the courage to outright ask for it.

Just... I just want to watch...

Well, of course, he jerks himself off the whole time, but he is watching. It seems like it would be easy to you at first, but it actually turns out that the act is very vulnerable and embarrassing in practice, more so than just sex itself. There's something far more vulnerable about being laid exposed and actively being watched with such intense focus, very different from two active participants.

After a while, he gets confident enough to venture into another desire: he starts telling you what to do, gives instructions. Leans down and murmurs into your ear to touch yourself a certain way or in a certain spot, to arch your back, roll your hips forward against his hand. The only downside is it's very hard for him to not cum before you do.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Funnily enough, it's not that he goes out of his way to achieve this, nor has an "accident" by avoiding proper precautions, nor does he adamantly avoid it. Instead, he just sort of forgets. The possibility doesn't cross his mind, he's too absorbed in feelings of euphoria and excitement and so many intense emotions that his brain sort of skips over the whole, you know, purpose the physical process even exists for on a biological level.

Thus it's more or less inevitable. As you can imagine, his first reaction is intense worry. And to be fair, that's a very normal reaction for the majority of people, not just those prone to worry like he is. It's a pretty big deal, after all. He has far more things to worry about than the average guy in his situation, though. How is this going to work? Are you going to try to use the kid to get away from him? Turn them against him? It bothers him so much it starts to make him feel sick, he loses sleep, he's so distant and spacey that people ask if something is wrong with him. He doesn't really have a plan to counteract any of his fears, so... he just has to go forward and hope for the best. It becomes a constant source of anxiety for him.

On the bright side, he'd be a top-tier father, both with how invested he is in the child's life as well as how good he is at the actual practical aspect of caring for and supervising a kid. He's constantly trying to help with any little thing that he can, always wanting to take burdens off of you. He's particularly invested in the child's education, starts eagerly trying to teach them how to read and write and the like from a young age. The only downside is that he's very paranoid and constantly worried, making up these worst-case scenarios in his head, to the point that you have to reassure him that certain things are normal and not an issue, or that it's okay that the kid has not made a sound in the last 20 seconds, that not every single cough or sneeze means something is horribly wrong, so on and so on.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

If he gets desperate enough, if you're being repetitively disagreeable and hostile to him, the only thing he can think of is to make you need him. This goes hand-in-hand with his usual means of sensory and contact deprivation, but this time, he does it with orgasms. You'll get frustrated eventually, right? Even if you're not someone who has a particularly high drive, you'll inevitably become needy. At least, it's the best thing he can think of.

He's still apologetic and all, the whole time he forces your arms and legs apart, tying each ankle and wrist to a different bed corner. It never ceases to be borderline humorous, were you an onlooker and not the victim, how he will just apologize and apologize yet not waver in his actions for a single second...

This situation has the added perk of the fact that he gets to sit you upright and feed you, give you water. It's very sweet and intimate... at least, he thinks so, although you don't seem particularly happy about it. He still makes sure to leave you with little to occupy your time with, hoping that it will add to the desperation. You don't initially understand what he's after, but it becomes more evident when, after a day or so, he decides it's necessary to take some additional steps to expedite the process. Works his way between your legs and gets you wound up and frustrated with his fingers and tongue, pulling you so, so close, only to pull back at the last second, murmur something about how it's for your own good, and give you a kiss to your forehead before abruptly getting up and going off again. You quickly become irritated, kicking your feet against the restraints and snapping at him, saying a few mean words before relaxing your body with a huff.

With any luck, you'll hopefully have a very short tolerance for this torment... that's his hope, at least. He really wants you to just give in and love him and let him help you, and preferably be nice to him, that's all. And really, it's in your best interest to do so too, lest he start to slowly awaken to a realization that a part of him rather likes you tied and struggling like that... frankly, that's a metaphorical slumbering beast you do not want to wake.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Your thighs and legs. No particularly specific reason that he's aware of, just the natural and innate sexual attraction to the other's sensual characteristics. He likes the softness and the warmth of your skin, the way your legs feel wrapped around his waist, the shape and curvature of your hips to your thighs and the back of your calves, the way running his eyes up and down your figure makes him feel all hot and tense and excited. Most of all, he especially likes laying his head on your lap, listening to you talk about anything and everything.

You can also use this to your advantage — come up to him when he's sitting down, sit beside him and swing your legs to rest over his lap and his brain will undergo a shutdown right there on the spot. It's rather cute.

#yandere genshin impact

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