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insomniamamma · 3 years

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Liminal: Ezra and Cee

A/N: Contemporary AU in which Ezra becomes his niece, Cee's caretaker after an automobile accident kills his brother, Damon, and costs him his arm. Same AU as "Ferris wheels are for old people." No reader insert character, just Ezra and Cee on the road. Written for @autumnleaves1991-blog ‘s Writer’s Wednesday.

Warnings: Mentions of past trauma/injury. Drug references in a song. Some language. I tried to research body powered transhumeral prosthetics to get some idea of how Ezra's prosthetic arm might work, but then I fell into an overthinking morass, any inaccuracies are mine.

"Willin'" is written by Lowell George. The version referenced in the story is recorded by Linda Ronstadt.

lim·i·nal /ˈlimənl/

adjective: liminal

1.relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process. 2.occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

--"Willin'"--

"’... been warped by the rain, driven by the snow,’" Cee sings along with the music rattling through the truck's speakers, "I'm drunk and dirty, don't you know. But I'm still willin'..."

The road stretches long and straight in front of them, harsh, rust-colored land dotted with scrub under the arc of an impossibly blue sky. Ezra asked Cee to compile the playlist. You are my co-pilot for this mission, he'd told her, and as such your duties include, but are not limited to, navigator, snack supervisor and DJ. DJ? Really? Make us a playlist, Little Bird, every adventure needs some good road music. And she had really delivered. "’...Out on the road late last night, I'd see my pretty Alice in every headlight, Alice, Dallas Alice...’" Ezra'd expected hours of auto-tuned pop or loud screamy music where he couldn't understand the words, and while there was some of that, Cee had taken her duties as DJ very seriously, creating a huge genre-bending list that all worked together.

He knew a lot of it. When he was still weird Uncle Ezra and not Legal Guardian Ezra, Cee made a habit of pawing through his vinyl collection when she and Damon would visit, picking a record to play and then peppering him with questions about it. Still, some of the tracks she picked surprised him, like this one, Linda Ronstadt's version of "Willin'" a road trip anthem if there ever was one, but something he didn't expect Cee to be familiar with. On their first go through the playlist, he'd asked her, where'd you hear this one, Birdie? You remember that movie, The Abyss? It's in that movie, the director's cut though, not the theatrical cut, the theatrical cut is bullshit--and he'd just listened to her go off about all the things wrong with the theatrical cut, the movie itself he barely remembered, something about divers finding aliens underwater, he'd listened and grinned, Cee could go so quiet sometimes. It was always a relief to hear her sound alive and interested, especially after-- "’And I've been from Tucson to Tucumcari," Cee sings and Ezra joins her, "Tehachapi to Tonopah...’" Cee's voice is sweet. Ezra's voice is not, but that's never stopped him. They've got the windows down. The AC started smelling funny a couple days ago, and, in this part of the world, a breeze to evaporate the sweat is just as good as AC. Cee's hair makes a flyaway halo as they sing-- "’Driven every kind of rig that's ever been made, Driven the backroads so I wouldn't get weighed. And if you give me...’" Ezra and Cee smile at each other, suck in deep breaths for the big chorus, "’...Weed, whites and wine, and you show me a sign...And I'll be willin' to be movin'"

--Petroglyph--

The rust colored forms on pale stone walls peer out at them. Some loom large in the foreground, others recede into the background as if the weathered rock is a portal a window into some other place that lives just below the skin of the world. The back of Ezra's neck prickles. Sometimes the world is thin. Sometimes he feels as if there is a larger world moving and shifting beneath the surface of this one. Sometimes he feels like things are happening out of order, reality stripping and skipping like a loose bicycle chain-- Cee's warm hand creeps into his, "They're a little scary, aren't they?" She says. "Indeed they are," says Ezra, "One has to wonder what they were thinking. What they were trying to say. Are these gods in these pictures? Or just regular men?" "Does it matter?" Asks Cee, and he jerks his head to look at her. She is utterly entranced by the red figures and sigils. "Of course it does," he says, "You don't think so?" "I mean, it matters, I guess, but what matters more is that people made these," she says, "People like us. People with hands. Not that Ancient Aliens bullshit." Ezra laughs. Cee squeezes his hand. "C'mon," she says, "let's see more."

--Rest Stop--

"Hey MOM!," a child's voice snaps Ezra out of his reverie. Cee is in the truck stop, using the restroom and restocking their snack supply. At these stops he fuels up and then gives her some cash and sets her loose inside. And then they stretch their legs and sit outside for a spell. Ezra sits at a picnic bench letting the sun hit his closed eyelids, "MOM! That guy's got a ROBOT ARM! Like WINTER SOLDIER!" Ezra opens his eyes to a little boy, maybe four with a bunch of curly hair and big eyes, pointing at him. "Daniel!" His mother hisses, and pinches at his arm, "That's rude. I'm so sorry. Danny, what did I tell you about staring--" "Ma'am? It's quite alright, Ma'am," says Ezra, and hunkers down so he's eye level with the little boy. "Hi there," he says, "Daniel, is it? I'm Ezra." He offers his right arm, the double hook at the end open, titanium alloy padded with silicone. Daniel solemnly grips the hooks and shakes. "You've got stickers!" Says Daniel, and for a second Ezra is confused, and then he grins, looking down at the bedecked black plastic of his prosthesis. He stands. "My girl decided that I must have a sticker for every state we stop in," says Ezra, he stands and smiles at Daniel's mom, "Like an old steamer trunk. I'm afraid I didn't catch your name--" Cee steps out of the air-conditioned cavern of the truck stop, slits her eyes against the brightness of midday sun glittering up from the concrete, plastic bags full of crap-snacks and energy drinks threaded over her arms. Ezra handed her a couple twenties and told her to go nuts. Re-supply runs have turned into their own sort of game. She always grabs the usual stuff, chips and Snickers bars and Paydays (Ezra has an absolute weakness for Paydays. They don't taste like they used to, he'd griped, but that didn't stop him from eating them), but somewhere along the line, Cee decided to turn this into a battle of the wills. Her unspoken mission is to find something so utterly weird at one of these stops that Ezra won't eat it. So far, she has been unsuccessful. The closest thing was an aloe juice and cucumber drink that smelled amazing, but felt like swallowing cold snot. That one was a draw. She has high hopes for the dill pickle-sriracha gummy worms nestled in the bottom of the bag. The packaging looked like Christmas in hell. More important than the snacks is the plain, flat paper bag she holds. Ezra's near the picnic benches chattering at some lady with a kid. Menace, she thinks, but smiles. Ezra was always the extrovert before, and it's good to him smiling so big and open in the sunshine, making friends with random people at a truck stop. She sees an echo of her and him before, when she and Dad would visit when she was small and he'd tell her some outrageous tale and she'd say Uncle Ezra, you're so weird, and he'd scoop her up and swing her around, planting a prickly kiss on her cheek and saying oh, little bird, you have no idea, and this always made Dad laugh.

"Oh, Ez-ra," Cee calls, and when he turns, he sees her devilish grin, holding a small brown paper bag up beside her face like it's contraband, "Look what I found." "So I get to witness the sacred stickering?" Asks Ezra's new friend. "Indeed you do," says Ezra, "This is Cee. Cee, meet Jody, and that little man playing in the dirt there is Daniel." "Nice to meet you," says Cee, "Stick your arm out, old man." "Don't you want to document this momentous occasion?" "Oh, right," Cee pulls out her phone, "Hey, uh, miss Jody? Can you take some video? I got it all set up." "Cee is documenting our adventures for posterity," says Ezra. He extends his prosthetic, already covered in overlapping ovoids, enough that they are starting to resemble dragon scales, "What do you think?" Cee and Daniel circle round. "How bout here?" asks Daniel, tapping just above the articulated elbow. "That's a good spot," says Cee and peels the sticker from it's backing with a flourish. She smiles up at her phone recording in a stranger's hand, "We have now infiltrated the state of Nevada," she grins, "Evil-doers beware." "Yeah!" Says the little boy, pudgy hands planted on his hips for the benefit of the camera, "Or Winter Soldier will KICK YOUR ASS!" "Daniel!"

--Stars--

Cee wakes in the dead of night, disoriented, a darkness so thick that for a moment she's not sure where she is, and then she hears Ezra's rhythmic snoring off to her side, reaches out and brushes fabric of the tent and lays back, puzzled, muscles pleasantly sore from a day spent scrabbling up and down eroded granite boulders that looked like they belonged on Mars or Tatooine, walking trails and marveling at the strange ecology of the high-desert, so unlike back home. Bad dream? She wonders, probably. She feels her eyes getting heavy, feels herself lulled by Ezra's sleep sounds, snores punctuated by mumbles. Sometimes full sentences, his side of whatever dream-conversation he's having. Probably has no idea he does it-- Cee sits bolt upright, hands clutched in fists against her chest, a high-pitched wail cuts the cold night, a sound like a woman screaming, and another wail threads through the first, so loud it could be right outside the tent, and then a sound like gruesome laughter. The back of her neck prickles and her heart pounds in her throat. She tells herself that it's just some wild animal making noise, some desert bird maybe, but wasn't the California desert the last known home of the Manson family? Maybe not this desert, but still-- "Ezra," she hisses, and he mumbles something incoherent, "Ezra, wake up!" She reaches and pokes him hard, "Ezra!" "Whazzit birdie?" "Listen!" The screams rise and fall again like something from a horror movie. "s'just coyotes," says Ezra, "probly next county over. They don't hurt people, they're just loud." "You sure?" "Go back to sleep, Cee."

"Ezra," He's dreaming, some place with Joshua trees the size of skyscrapers, spiked limbs under a red sky. Cee's with him somewhere in the bloodlight but he can't see her, just hears her calling-- "Ezra!" He blinks awake, the red sky receding. Cee is shaking him. "Yuh. M'awake birdie," "I gotta pee," she says. "You know where the outhouses are, just right down the trail," "I'm not going by myself! Not with those things out there!" Ezra pushes himself up and shakes his head, blinking the sleep from his eyes. He can just make out Cee's form against the faint light of the sky leaking through the tent. "Alright, just gimme a second," he says. "I'll get the light," "We don't need it," he says. "Ez-" "We got night eyes now," he says, "No light pollution out here. You'll see."

Ezra stands transfixed in the chill dark, head cocked upward. The more he looks, the more he can see. More stars than he's ever seen in his life spread across the vast inverted bowl of the sky, no summer haze out here, no light-wash from streetlights. He is dizzy with it, the vast sweep of the sky, and as he stares and his eyes adjust further, he can see the arm of the Milky Way angled across the black, can actually see the dark band of dust threaded through the silver-blue light. He doesn't hear the outhouse door shutting, doesn't notice Cee beside him until she folds his hand into hers. "Look up, Little Bird," he breathes and it feels like a prayer, his heart suddenly full, squeezing in his chest, Cee small and warm next to him. "Oh, wow," she says, barely a whisper, "That's the Milky Way isn't it?" Tears blur the stars and fall hot against his cheeks. "It is." He looks at her, her face upturned, cheeks and hair frosted in star shine, limning her eyes, her smile. They've lost so much, him and Cee, but they've gained each other, and that's not nothing is it? "We're so small," says Cee, "Us. People. This whole planet. All of us. We're just a little dot." Ezra smiles in the dark, even as tears dry in his lashes. He squeezes her fingers in his. "C'mon, let's get back in the tent before we freeze."

--Hoodoo--

Cee sleeps in the passenger's seat. She'd helped break camp and pack everything up even though it was early for her. They had spent an extra night in Joshua Tree and now had to make up the difference. It's time to go home. There are things he wants to do before Cee goes back to school, things they need to take care of. So he woke them early, promising Cee that she could sleep in the car as long as she needed. She'd helped him get ready, half-peeling a couple candy bars and putting them were he could easily reach. "You want the playlist?" She asked, "I can get it going." "Not right now. I want some quiet." “'Kay," and Cee was asleep before they were to the next mile marker.

Hoodoos rise on either side of the highway, striated red cliffs against the slowly lightening sky, cut into improbable formations by long gone rivers, thin spires topped with boulders, first glints of sun hitting the higher cliffs while everything else still exists in that liminal space between day and night. Ezra glances over at Cee, hair in a messy halo, face slack in sleep, cheeks sun-reddened and newly freckled, closed eyes moving, dreaming. Ezra thinks of those first days, wracked with pain and trying to navigate the new, dark-shrowded territory of her and him, each of them crippled by loss, each willing to lash out at the other. Ezra thinks of how far they've come since then, uncurling like relaxing fists and learning to be with each other. They drive into the dawn and the first bit of light touches her hair, turning it to fire. She shifts in her sleep, turning away from that first hint of sun. He doesn't know if she's awake or not. "I love you, Cee." "Love you to, Ez," she murmurs and settles back into sleep. Ezra looks out over hoodoo country spread red tinged and stark against the rising light, the miles of road ahead. We're gonna be ok, he thinks and means it.

#writer wednesday #ezra prospect #cee prospect #contemporary AU #ezra and cee

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mysticmachmir · 4 years

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Judaism, Circles, and Circle-Casting

What's the Point of a Circle?

Magical Circle Definition: A temporary space with clearly defined energetic boundaries that provides a known space for ritual, magic, or similar controlled change.

"Casting a circle allows us to create an energetic space that supports our work in the physical space we have available. Since we do our ritual in a variety of spaces, many of which spend most of their time being something else (a living room, a public park, a rented room in a friendly business or community building), we need a way to make the space stop being those things, and start being a space where ritual, magic, and transformation can happen more easily."

This is a definition from a religious witch, a priestess of a coven. Obviously, this is not Judaism or a Jewish witch. However, if we want to incorporate some type of this into our practice, we need to understand what is its purpose. Asking why we have a ritual is just as important as how to craft one genuinely. For more information on crafting Jewish ritual and researching into Jewish traditional rituals to serve your purposes, please inquire this series on Tumblr.

Magical and Mystical Circles in Judaism

The Talmud: Honi HaMe'egal

One of the most concrete examples is using a circle to invoke and demand something of G!d. Here is a summary of what he did, but the sources via Sefaria are Taanit 23a:4-Taanit 23a:5-10.

"His surname is derived from an incident in which, according to the Babylonian Talmud, his prayer for rain was miraculously answered. On one occasion, when G!d did not send rain well into the winter (in Israel, it rains mainly in the winter), Honi drew a circle in the dust, stood inside it, and informed G!d that he would not move until it rained. When it began to drizzle, Honi told G!d that he was not satisfied and expected more rain; it then began to pour. He explained that he wanted a calm rain, at which point the rain calmed to a normal rain."

The Bible and Folkloric Uses of Circles

However, there are many times we see circles used in Judaism. In the TaNaKh, magic circles first appear in Jewish tradition in the Bible, when Joshua encircles Jericho seven times in order to collapse its walls. We also have circles during Simchat Torah, weddings, Hoshana Rabbah, and funerals. Circles are used quite a bit in Jewish ritual, whether we realize it or not.

The use of protective circles, so familiar in medieval sorcery, also starts to appear in Jewish practice. Such circles were also used to protect the birthing bed of pregnant women (Sefer ha-Chayyim 2.8). Smaller circles drawn around a wound or area of illness on a Body presumably exorcised the malaise-causing spirit.

The book Zera Kodesh (“Holy Seed”), written in the 16th century, describes making concentric circles on the ground (usually three or seven) with an iron blade, often with an inscription or the names of Angels added. The Baal Shem Tov once defeated a priest-witch by making a protective circle with his staff (Megillat Setarim).

In YIVO's Folklore of Ashkenaz class, by Professor Itzik Gottesman, he discusses the different ways circles were used by Ashkenazi Jews. He discusses that "Circling [was used to] ward the demons off the body. Circling, and circles in general, have found their way into Jewish folklore in a number of ways. Circles are considered perfect shapes and have a magical power to keep away evil. … Round objects also have symbolic value. At the first meal from returning from a burial, the family is given bagels to eat. One interpretation of this is so that we remember the round cycle of life and death, and it reinforces belief in reincarnation, which has been very much part of Jewish belief in the Diaspora. The [Rabbinic] responsa also mentions other circle customs: to circle the graves with thread, which were later used as wicks and candles to be lit for the ill person in the synagogue; in order to stop the spread of swelling on the eyes, it was circled with a ring; and in order to prevent further growth of a hunchback, it was circled with the hand of a dead man."

Noam Sienna, a Jewish scholar, speaks of other minhagim: "Drawing circles is also a common practice in the Mediterranean/Sephardic Jewish world to protect birthing mothers and newborns — it’s often drawn with a special sword or knife, and participants would also themselves walk in a circle around the cradle or around the room while reciting a protective formula like Psalm 91."

In Midrash, it is written: "For the circle has no beginning and end. And regarding this pleasure the scholars of truth hinted in their midrash, "the Holy One Blessed be He will make a circle for the righteous in the World to Come."

Kabbalah

A circle represents infinity because it has no beginning or end. In Kabbalah, the samech (a letter that is an enclosed loop) represents the infinite power of the Ein Sof, G!d’s infinite light.

This video from Chabad is about an hour-long shiur on the concept of the sacred geometry of the circle, but essentially the Rabbi discusses how the circle is the most common and natural shape in Nature that G!d has created. Pebbles, the globe, ripples of water, the cycle of time itself is the most perfect shape and represents the week, 7 days. Seven and the circle are connected, as 7 is a very important number in Judaism connected to time. I do recommend watching if you're interested in numerology, sacred geometry, and math connected to divinity.

Modern Circle-Casting Rituals

Typically, when people think of circle casting, they are called to Wicca's ritual of circle casting, calling on the archangels (which sounds extremely similar to the Jewish krias Shema - and Wicca was invented in the 50s, so you know who took from who there), calling on the watchtowers (Book of Enoch), and etcetera. This is not a process I am necessarily interested in. Here is one take of mixing Wiccan circle-casting with Jewish and Celtic theology/elements (this person is Jewish). Note: If you are a monotheistic Jew, or otherwise don't want to "mix" your practices, I do not suggest using this example of ritual. Also, the Zohar-pentagram connection is… questionable.

There is also the circle-casting suggested from Tehomot: Jewish Witchcraft*, which I'll outline here. I prefer this one because while yes, it is connecting back to the Wiccan tradition, it is not melding much of the religious elements, and only a few ritual pieces. Instead, it incorporates a lot more Jewish ritual and connection to Hashem. If it were me, I would remove the athame aspect of it and it would align more for my needs.

Visualization of the circle as the boundary of Gan Eden:

Athame/tool - shooting out fire like the spinning blade protecting Gan Eden

Gan Eden - orientations to the east, four rivers in the garden

Instead of calling on the watchtowers, call on the names of the rivers as found in Torah

He says that the "casting of the circle brings you from Malkhut - etheric double of the physical world. You are going up the Tree of Life and the Four Worlds in circle work/spirit work - from physical to spiritual (Assiyah to Yetzirah, Malkhut to Yesod)".

The purpose of using a circle is asking for help - from G!d, angels, guardians, to ask help to change Assiyah/Malkhut/physical realm.

How To Cast (According to Tehomot)

1. Be properly prepared. ritual for preparedness - oil/shower/ centering. Once in the circle, anointment w/ oil and/or ring a bell/musical note

2. Draw the circle - saltwater, incense, or candle

3. Corner call - the four rivers and four elements.

4. Summoning entities to hold the corner of the circles - angels, spirits, whomever

5. The evocation of G!d, recite psalms and say for what purpose

6. Calling on ancestors to be present

7. Magical work/ritual

8. Worship element - a prayer to G!d, offerings (kiddush)

9. Closing - release ancestors, release the corners, draw the circle backward and ground the energy

Finally, in the book Magic of the Ordinary, there is another "circle-casting" ritual that he posits is from compiling symbolism from Jewish texts in this new ritual.

Tools: Bird feather and a fallen branch found naturally. This ritual is to be performed outside as it is written in this book. It is asked that you meditation with this stick and infuse your breath into it before using it to draw the circle.

If the ritual for which you are making the circle is to heal something, undo something, process something, make space for newness in some way or another, draw the circle counter-clockwise. Walk around the circle as you are drawing it and chant (I am only writing the English, get the book for the Hebrew): "Here I am Here I am Here I am, G!d Breath, Please support me"

(Take a Breath) "I and the Unnameable, The Infinite One So again-- I and ho, I and ho"

(Take a breath, and then louder): "I and ho I and ho Support me, Please"

Repeat as much as you need until the circle is complete. You need to draw it seven times. Then, step inside the circle and chant into the four directions: "Toward your support do I direct my hope, O G!d I direct my hope, O G!d toward your support O G!d toward your support do I direct my hope"

Take your feather and sweep it across the inside of the circle and chant: "For the sake of the unification of the Holy Blessed One be He and the Shekhinah Through this rite, done in awe and in love to join The name Yah with Wah in a complete union"

Then wave the feather to the sky in circular movements while chanting "Yah" toward the sky and downward again sweeping it across the earth chanting "Wah". Do this three times and leave your tools in the center of the circle before stepping out. The circle is finished, and you can begin any rituals - calling forth spirits, performing ceremonies, or leading gatherings.

(Yah and Wah are two names of G!d, riffing off the Holy Name in an acceptable way as it is not the full name. If you are uncomfortable with this, you can replace it with a name of G!d comfortable for you).

*The person who made this podcast is an apostate and is now a Messianic Baptist. He has a post where he says that Jesus is Torah and to deny Jesus means you are denying G!d. I do not support Messianic Judaism, so I have decided not to link his work. You can still find it online, easily. This podcast is from a time where he identified as a Jewish witch and was becoming a Rabbi.

If you like my work and writings, feel free to tip me here: https://ko-fi.com/ezrasaville!

Sources:

The Jewish Myth, Magic, and Mysticism Encyclopedia by R. Geoffrey Dennis Magic of the Ordinary by R. Gershon Winkler Chabad Gleewood Sefaria Noam Sienna YIVO’s Folklore of Ashkenaz Tehomot: Jewish Witchcraft (Podcast) Liorah HaMasovevet

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the-adventures-of-dave · 5 years

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Cheap Indoor Cat Enrichment Ideas

I’ve seen some posts going around with people being upset that they are unable to afford fancy cat toys in order to keep their cats happy indoors. This is a shame, since sharing your home with your pet is a great thing, and it’s even better when your pet isn’t destroying your house out of boredom. Here’s a couple ideas I’ve compiled for those looking for cheap and fun ways to entertain indoor cats!

Feeder Puzzles

All it costs is the price of your cat’s kibble and some leftover recycled containers. Experiment with textures (like this egg carton) or hide the kibbles under some old newspaper to make your kitty hunt for his food.

Paper Bags

Do you have paper bags left over from shopping or birthdays? Your kitty will gladly have endless fun hiding in and chewing up those paper bags. For extra enjoyment, try tossing a toy or two inside and watch him hunt it!

Get a Box

Boxes are a cat’s best friend! A single box in the living room is sometimes even more appealing than a cat tree. Can’t afford a cat tree? Get creative and try making a box castle for your cat! If your cat is more of a ground cat, try filling an empty box with newspapers or other fun things to dig in.

Turn on some cat TV

Assuming you have a TV or computer, switch it on every once and a while! YouTube has a bunch of videos made for cats to watch of fish and birds and other fascinating creatures. Cat TV has the bonus that they can’t kill any of those animals. You can’t have dead birds on your doorstep if fluffy is inside hunting virtual ones.

Bring the outside in

Find some cool (cat safe) branches and bring them inside for kitty to chew on! The outdoors has some awesome stuff cats love, and if you bring it inside they can enjoy it while staying safe too. Here we see Dave chewing on a honeysuckle branch.

Leash train your cat

If you train your cat right, they won’t just lie there while you drag them along behind. With a leash, harness, and a bit of effort, you can let your cat enjoy the outdoors in a controlled and safe manner. No more worrying if they’ll get hit by a car or eaten by a wild animal! A bonus is that you also get to spend more time with your cat too. They’ll love you all the more for it!

Give your cat an old stuffed animal

If you can’t afford those catnip filled stuffed animals at the pet store, then consider donating one of your old kids toys to your kitty! Though they might not have catnip, find the right plushie and your cat will still love it to bits. If you have some old catnip lying around, maybe try sprinkling some on the toy for extra interest.

Teach your cat some tricks

If my idiot cat can learn to high-five, so can yours! Google cat clicker training ideas, find a pen to use as a clicker and grab some treats. Easy peasy! All you need is patience and a food motivated cat.

Play with your cat

The easiest and cheapest option to enrich your cat. Give them a ping pong ball or a hair tie or dangle a shoelace in front of them. You can even do this while you’re watching tv, making it low effort for you! Win-win.

Now y’all have no excuse. Cat enrichment is cheap and easy if you’re willing to put a bit of effort in. Go forth and play with your cats and keep them indoors. They’ll thank you for it!

#cats #catblr #petblr #cat enrichment #i had a post similar to this i wanted to reblog but i cant find it #so i just made a new one lmao #if you cant afford to provide enrichment without letting a cat outdoors dont get a cat #if you dont have the time or energy to devote to playing with your cat then dont get one #simple!#gif #long post

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ask-sincerely-sea · 4 years

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A rundown of the Mermaid AU

Here’s a bullet list of my Mermaid AU and most of the content I have imagined for it! These are taken from three different posts on my main blog, but for simplicity, I compiled them all here! It is long, but feel free to read and get a feel for this universe!

All the Murphys are sharks, but they’re all different types of sharks.

Science doesn’t exist in my world so don’t expect genetics and aquatic ancestry to be something that is strict. Most families tend to stay within the same family and/or genus.

Connor is a Shortfin Mako Shark.

Zoe is a Blue Shark (Fun fact: Blue Sharks are a species of Requiem Sharks).

Cynthia is a Whale Shark.

Larry is an Oceanic Whitetip Shark.

Evan and Heidi are both octopus.

Evan is a Coconut Octopus.

Heidi is a Mimic Octopus.

Alana is a Pacific White Sided Dolphin.

Jared is a White Spotted Pufferfish.

Although intelligent like humans, mermaids will exhibit behaviors akin to their aquatic ancestry.

Evan being a Coconut Octopus will hide within ocean debris as a form of camouflage. This is often triggered by spikes in anxiety, but he also uses it to avoid interaction.

Jared absolutely puffs up. It’s usually caused by elevated emotion. Sometimes he’ll puff up because he’s upset, other times he’ll accidentally cause himself to puff up just from laughing too hard.

The Murphy family is a family a predators. They all have an acute and accurate sense of smell. Larry, Connor, and Zoe are active hunters, and when they are in hunting mode it’s hard to break them out of it until they are satiated.

Merpeople do form societies and interact with each other. They don’t hunt each other and unlike their aquatic ancestors, they don’t all follow migration paths. Some merfamilies will migrate.

Now I’ll give you all the cute and fun and interesting stuff…

Connor loves to explore any wreckage he can find. He’s super fascinated by human life and loves finding shipwrecks, plane wrecks, and even leftover skeletons.

He frequents the wrecks of military vessels most often and collects dog tags from fallen soldiers. He refurbishes them as much as he can because he likes to see the names of the men and women lost.

He often spies on humans who are boating as well. Be it a wedding boat, fishermen, or just vacationers, he just loves watching them from afar. However, the moment they spot him (usually only his dorsal fin on his tail), he dives away

.Hes accidentally becomes and ocean cryptid when a group of divers got a photo of him, albeit it fuzzy/blurry.

He’s obviously not aware of human cryptid culture.

Redditors think his viral photo is photoshopped.

Zoe isn’t as curious about humans. She is curious of the sky above and loves to watch birds as they fly around and feed on fish.

She goes stargazing a lot against her parents wishes. It’s dangerous at night and her parents (and most merpeople) fear poachers.

Zoe collects starfish on her tailfins. Since they are living creatures, she always communicates with them and makes sure they are okay with it.

Connor will leave jewelry and funky human artifacts he finds in Zoe’s room. She doesn’t know Connor is the one that leaves her random items and just assumes it’s Cynthia.

Cynthia is fascinated with human artifacts and frequents a lot of merpeople who are traders for human trinkets.

However, she is terrified of humans and doesn’t dare go near them. When she was younger, she got tangled up I’m a fishing net that belonged to poachers.

Larry is also fascinated with human trinkets, but not as much as Cynthia. Being an Oceanic Whitetip, he loves the tale of the USS Indianapolis.

He and Connor used to search shipwrecks together, but they’ve since grown apart and haven’t hunted or scavenged together in a long time.

I already said a bit of this in my last post, but being a Coconut Octopus, Evan uses physical objects to hide in and behind as a form of camouflage.

Though camouflage isn’t really necessary for merpeople being that they are able to fend for themselves and create/use tools, weapons, utensils, etcetera.

Evan’s camo is more of a reflex with his anxiety. If he’s nervous, anxious, or embarrassed, he’ll find the nearest Evan-sized object and fold himself up to fit. His tentacles can fold together tightly, he just has to account for his upper body not being as flexible.

Heidi is a Mimic Octopus as uses her camo as more of a fun party tricks. Mimic Octopus are able to disguise with many backgrounds, but are also able to contort and arrange their tentacles to resemble other species.

When Evan was little, they would travel to shallow banks along islands where the sun shone through the water really brightly. She’d contort her tentacles and do little shadow puppets of other species for him on the sand.

So, Jared is a pufferfish and not a porcupine fish. He has spines, but they’re very small and thin. They usually only show up when he’s inflated.

He HATES being inflated but it’s happens a lot.

Basically any elevated emotion inflates him. He’s angry? Puff! He’s playful? Puff! He’s excited? Puff! He’s sad? Puff! He’s [redacted]? PUFF!

He doesn’t care too much about human culture, but he is aware of this cursed video. He was hanging around a boat with a bunch of spring breakers and slipped a phone for a few minutes, stumbling across Youtube. Connor thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.

Oh, yeah, so merpeople don’t have any sort of electronic technology, but some of the most curious ones will snatch devices from boats. They are aware they don’t work underwater, so it’s usually like a dramatic spy scene of mermaids hanging out by boats with phones and tablets and messing around as much as they can for five to ten minutes.

Alana is super social and during vacations from school she’ll travel with merpeople and regular aquatic life and migrate around the world.

She’s traveled literally everywhere and has been doing it since she was a child. Her whole family used to go, but now it’s just her. Her parents trust her to be alone.

Alana has come across Sea World and other marine parks with Orcas and it makes her incredibly angry. There have been a few instances where animals in captivity have… Mysteriously escaped back into the wild…

She does have a super playful side and is very curious of humans despite often having a negative judgement/attitude towards them. When she just wants to have fun or relax, she goes bow riding along the wake of boats. She’s clever enough to not be seen.

Yes, there is merpeople high school because why not.

Again, science doesn’t exist and this au honestly doesn’t have rules.So just go ham and make mermaids, y'all!

I’m still deciding on how I want to portray Miguel, but right now I’m thinking Red Lionfish or Pacific Seahorse.That boy is something very colorful and proud!

So previously I mentioned there being an education system for merpeople as they do form societies.

So all the teens (minus Miguel) go to school together.

Their school, as well as most of the buildings in their particular society, is made up of scrapped parts from shipwrecks and other human debris. There are also some buildings and landmarks carved out of the landscape, but they gotta keep it fresh, keep it interesting. They’re still discovering and learning technology, but in their own unique ways.

(Okay, you probably didn’t even care about that fact but as an enthusiast for a “rebuild from the remains” aesthetic, I have to sprinkle in my little funky twists.)

The particular “town” of merpeople they live in isn’t very large and is constantly changing size and population due to some mers moving in and out.

Evan broke his arm over summer break in a coastal accident.

Seeing that merpeople don’t fully abide by the living standards of their aquatic ancestors, they tend to mix, mingle, and migrate without too much structure. Obviously certain families with stay together and there are some pockets of merpeople who live by more strict cultural rules. But for the sake of au, Evan and the gang live in a more relaxed mer civilization.

So, over the summer Evan was working with a group of mers that focus on coastal wildlife. Evan in particular focused on coral health and how it was being affected by human activity.

But our boy is depressed and lonely, so one day he strays from his usual group of coworkers and ventured toward a cluster of fishing boats. The general rule is don’t go near humans, especially when on the job.

He noticed that some of the boats were anchored, so he grabbed one of them from the seabed, hoisted it up the surface, and launched it above water for his to come crashing down with force behind it.

His arm got pinned under the anchor, thus breaking it.

Now, the rest of the AU at the moment is more freeform and doesn’t follow the plot of the musical, but I did want to included how Evan broke his arm.

Connor is not dead in this particular version of the AU, but feel free to craft multiple storylines and arcs with different outcomes!

Connor does paint his nails!

As previously mentioned, he is very fascinated by human society and like to get a little too close.

So, one day he came across some spring breakers and watched as they went about their activities sunbathing and painting their nails. As soon as they looked away, he stole several bottles.

It’s rare for him to find nail polish, especially since he ruined his first bottle by opening it up under water and losing the contents. But whenever a party boat or a boat of spring breakers rolls by, especially with a bunch of girls, he always has to check.

He quickly learned that whenever he wants to do his nails he has to make a whole thing about hauling himself up to surface and propping on a rock or a beach for some time.

He’s collected his signature black as well as a metallic purple, glittery pink, and bright turquoise. He wears the black and purple the most. He loves the other two colors, but poor baby is insecure and wearing nail polish as a mer is already enough to cause stares.

Jared also thinks that human legs are hot.

When Jared is puffed up, other mers will bop him around like a volleyball. It’s an unfortunate thing for any and all puffers.

Evan’s dad is a Barracuda mer, which for a Barracuda and an Octopus to mate is incredibly rare. It’s a wonder that Evan didn’t come out a totally wack and new sea monster.

But like I said, science doesn’t really exist here! Anything goes! Be whatever mer you wanna be! Love whatever mer you wanna love!

#mermaid au #mer au #deh #dear evan hansen #dear evan hansen au #evan hansen #connor murphy #jared kleinman #alana beck #zoe murphy #cynthia murphy #larry murphy #heidi hansen

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clickforspoilers · 4 years

Text

bullseye.

WHO: Tim Drake @redrobin-timdrake & Stephanie Brown @clickforspoilers WHERE: The Manor & IHOP WHEN: Backdated to September 10th, 2020 WHAT: Tim finally leaves the house to get food with Stephanie and they talk about lots of things.

TIM: With so much bullshit going on, Tim had thrown himself wholeheartedly into figuring out what happened to Dick, compiling files, and dealing with the League's upcoming mission. It was finally taking its toll. He missed just… any levity at all and sometimes felt completely dead on his feet. He was used to going without sleep or any kind of functioning schedule. But this… was so much. And he just… finally Tim Wayne needed a break.

It was with that realization that he pushed himself away from his computer and stepped out of the Batcave. Even the dim light of the Manor had his eyes squinting as he dragged himself, much like a dead man walking, to where Steph was. “Hey, Batgirl,” he said with a tired levity as he dropped down next to her. “You want to go get IHOP?” What time was it even? Was it night? Was it day? He had buried sleep with caffeine and twenty minute naps in his desk chair. “I just… need a break.” And IHOP was 24 hour. A true gift from God.

STEPH: Steph was worried about Tim. She'd been worried about him ever since Dick got shot. It wasn't uncommon for him to spend so much time in the Batcave, she was actually used to it, but he never left. There were plenty of nights she ended up falling asleep in a nearby chair, slumped over the desk. Hours later, she'd wake up and he'd still be working. Not even Alfred had been successful at getting through to him.

Patrol was dull and uneventful, which meant she got to end her night early. She was sprawled on one of the couches in the living room and editing a video when Tim walked in. Shocked, she instantly sat up with a grin. "Really?? You're finally accepting that you're a human who needs to eat? Yeah, let's go!" If she waited too long then he might change his mind. Maybe once he'd gotten a good meal, he would actually be able to sleep for longer than fifteen minutes.

TIM: Tim rolled his eyes before shaking his head. "Don't be a butt about it," he told her playfully before holding up the keys to the Red Bird. "I'll drive?" He offered. If she wanted to, he would surrender them, but he hadn't driven anywhere in a few days. Though... maybe he shouldn't? Tim didn't know.

Steph never really gave Tim a hard time unless it was really important or she was really worried. It worked well that way. Alfred and Dick could both mother hen, but not Steph. She would often just sit by him--or, in some instances, on him--while he worked, chatter or not chatter, just to keep him company. It mattered. It was meaningful. He appreciated her. And he appreciated that she was almost always there when he finally did resurface.

STEPH: "Hmm, don't think so, Boy Wonder." Steph snatched the keys from Tim's hand. She would take any excuse she could to drive, but she didn't really need one this time. Who knows how much sleep he'd gotten in the past... what, week? "Sleep-driving is a thing."

Unlike Alfred and Dick, she did her best not to fuss over Tim. She learned early on that he reacted better when she respected his boundaries and showed faith that he knew his own limitations. Sometimes she doubted if he actually did, but she was there when he skirted too close to the line. That was the only time she'd ever outright yell at him.

TIM: "Maybe i'm a better driver in my sleep," he argued playfully as he let her take the keys. He didn't actually care if she drove. He just wanted to spend time with her. He knew he had been scarce, and while she would understand as she always did, he wanted to make time for them. After all, aside from the making out and things like that, they hadn't really decided anything concrete about what they were again. He wanted to. Because Tim realized that somewhere between the moments of her bringing him coffee, falling asleep on his shoulder, or resting her hand over his while he used his mouse simply to touch him and remind him he was alive before letting him get back to what he was doing, he had begun to think of her like his girlfriend again. Honestly, he didn't know if there was ever really a way Tim wouldn't think of her at least partially like that.

He followed her bouncing blonde ponytail out to the garage where his little red car waited for them. "I could go for bottomless waffles. And, of course, the endless coffee."

STEPH: "Is that even possible?" Tim was a good driver, at least compared to her. Steph was a lot less meticulous about precision at least, but she also didn't have the tendency to get lost in her head. That combined with the years she spent as Batgirl made her insecurity less palpable. It was still there, but she didn't feel question every little thing or obsess over their status. She actually liked where they were. What if she ruined it by making it something concrete? It didn't mean she was single, though. That was something she took off her Facebook a while back. Now it was just blank. It wasn't anyone's business anyway.

Unlocking the car, she slid in the driver's seat. "Bottomless waffles are a given. Do you think they'll have the seasonal flavors out yet? Kind of in a pumpkin mood." Maybe it was still too early. "Ever think about going in costume? Everyone knows who we are anyway. Might be a good PR move, right? Vigilantes are people too."

TIM: "Never know unless we do it," he reasoned, though he was teasing. Steph did that. She brought out his playful side much more. It was always refreshing. Tim snorted. "We should do a promo for IHOP as Red Robin and Batgirl. We go there enough. In Gotham they had our names memorized, remember?" He shook his head before raising a brow. "But if you want to change, now's the chance. Not like i'm gonna complain about looking at you in your Batgirl suit." Or looking at her in general.

"I know they do pumpkin pancakes," he said, moving to get into the passenger seat and tugging on his seatbelt before watching to make sure Steph did up hers. "Not sure about Waffles."

STEPH: Steph considered it. "Maybe that kinda thing is better off planned." Tim looked half dead on his feet. Besides, it wasn't as if people wouldn't know who they were out of costume. She was less recognizable, but Tim was one of Bruce Wayne's kids. He got a lot of press even before people knew he was a costumed hero. The media never had any reason to look at Stephanie Brown, even after her father got caught. "You should take a break from being trapped behind a screen and go on patrol with me one night. We could do it then."

The IHOP wasn't that far, but she caught Tim's look. Wrinkling her nose at him, she fastened the seatbelt over her chest and untucked her hair from where it got trapped. "The waffles are better." She waited for the garage to open before pulling out and hitting another button to open the large gates. Once they were clear of the mansion and on the main road, she finally cleared her throat and reached over to take his hand. "You ready to talk about it?" She knew he wasn't doing okay, so she wasn't even going to ask.

TIM: "I will when I have it solved. I just can't get a match on the footage I picked up. The trajectory doesn't make sense for the shot. I think I have to take my camera angles a few clicks out." He was going to start rambling, but he pushed it down. He blew out a breath. Tim had to get this. He wanted to do it for Dick, to prove he could be there for him to and to make sure Dick knew that they were looking out for him. He had looked out for all of them for so long. He would return the favor. He wouldn't see his big brother in a hospital bed like that again if he could help it.

He relaxed as she clicked the belt, shrugging. "If we throw enough money at them, I bet I can get them to make you pumpkin waffles." It wasn't a question for Tim if he could get her something that made her happy.

As she caught his hand, he looked over at her from where he had been staring out into the black of the night while the trees blurred by, his exhaustion leading him to zone out a little. The question had him blinking. "Talk about what?" He asked dumbly, a little slower on the uptake after using almost all of his brainpower on the case.

STEPH: "What do you mean, it doesn't make sense?" Steph wasn't terrible, but the detective part of her training wasn't something she was best at. That was one of the reasons why Bruce had ended up not trusting her in the field. She jumped in, went with her gut, and even if she was right, it landed her in hot water.

That made her smirk. "I think you underestimate just how much I'm willing to pay for these pumpkin waffles, Timbers." Not that she had a lot of money. There was a settlement she got when her father passed away, but that was barely enough to get by. Bruce had an account opened for her, years ago, but it was rare that she used it. It never felt right.

She sighed, perfectly comfortable steering the car with one hand. "Everything." It wasn't just Dick, but everything that led up to it, including the whole Slade thing and Jason being arrested. It was a lot. Tim seemed to be retreating and handling the majority of it internally, which was... unsurprising, but it made her worry.

TIM: "There were two men across the street and partially obscured, but the shot Dick took came from above. So I went up and out two and a half clicks--standard sniper shot--and I didn't see anyone on any of the vantage points I searched. So it just... is no one. A shot further out than that would have to be a ludicrously good shot." He sighed. "I checked out the two men in the video, then I combed the personnel at NOVA, but that's taking a while."

"You? Nothing is surprising come from you and related to waffles." He shook his head fondly. He'd drop money without a thought for it. It wasn't like he used it all that much anyway.

Tim swallowed, looking out the front window at the road. There was... a lot. "Like... everything everything?"

STEPH: That made Steph frown. It didn't take a genius to know what Tim might be insinuating. There were only a few people who would be able to make a ludicrously good shot. When it came down to who was in the city and capable of it, the list was a lot shorter. Swallowing a lump in her throat, she glanced at Tim briefly. "You don't mean like... so good that only someone like Deathstroke could do it, do you? You're not saying that... right?" Just the idea freaked her out.

Amused, she squeezed his hand and let her fingers lace through his. "Don't worry, I love you more. Just a tiny bit."

She looked over at him again, her brow furrowing, but she couldn't take her gaze off the road for long. "Well yeah, that was the idea," she coaxed. "It might help if you talk about it. Pretty sure it would help. At least everything won't be stuck up in your head."

TIM: Tim pursed his lips as she pieced it together. Steph was smart enough to keep up, even if she was constantly looking down on herself. Maybe she thought he didn't realize. He did. He knew she wasn't unshakable. To him, she had no reason to be insecure. But he could understand where it came from.

"More than waffles. That's an achievement." He shook his head with a laugh, thumb moving over the top of her hand as she tightened the hold. "I... love you more thaaaaan--" He made a small show of thinking before deciding on: "Coffee. But, like you said, just a tiny bit."

The levity fell away as he let out a breath. He felt tired. He didn't know that he wanted to talk about it, but Steph wasn't just asking to talk. She had to be asking for connection, too. He was much more in his head than her, he thought. And he knew that could be off-putting. And maybe it would help if he let it. "I wouldn't even know where to start, babe."

STEPH: "Tim." Steph didn't really need him to confirm it. She could tell by his silence that he was thinking the same thing that she was. That made her even more freaked out. Pressing her lips together, she blinked as she focused intently on the road.

Laughing, she pulled her hand away long enough to smack his shoulder, then gave a heavy sigh and took his hand back. "I guess I asked for that. I'm actually a little shocked that I came out on top of coffee. Pretty sure you started drinking that stuff when you were, like, nine."

Her own smile faded when she heard him sigh. "Just start at the beginning. Or tell me what you're thinking right now." Steph had a hard time speculating about what was on Tim's mind. She'd tried before and she was almost always wrong.

TIM: “It makes sense,” he said flatly. “He came to Star City out of nowhere on some contract we didn’t know about. And I haven’t heard anything about it since then. Nothing on the Dark Web about jobs in Star City. Wouldn’t the employer still need it done if Slade didn’t do it?” He shook his head, mind going a thousand miles an hour as he plucked at strings to get it right. “And he started getting close to Dick immediately. He knew he had leverage on him. He could be playing some sick game where he had to get close to Dick for some reason so he could figure out how to do it without having all of us on him, right? We would never suspect if he made it look like NOVA. Meanwhile, while we were distracted he could keep working here in Star City.” It all made sense. It couldn’t be that Slade just changed because Dick cared about him. Not after two decades of what he did. Dick had always tried to pass on his optimism, but Tim was a realist and statistically, Slade was more likely to be running a con than actually doing something noble. He had had blips in the past, but nothing this long. The drawn out complexities were always a game. The games Deathstroke plays... His blue eyes darted to Steph’s. It made sense to him. Was he insane?

“I think I was eleven, but don’t quote me. It has been a long saga of coffee in a relatively short life.” He shook his head. “But coffee doesn’t cuddle as well as you do.”

“Right now? I’m scared shitless for Dick.” He didn’t swear often, but he was a little tense. “And everything’s weird and just... everything, Steph. Slade Wilson? Things have been messed up ever since then.” That had been when he and Jason had started fighting, too. When things had gotten so tense.

STEPH: Steph hesitated, a bit overwhelmed at the thought of something so convoluted and, frankly, fucked up. She didn't know Slade as well as everyone else did, or really have any kind of past with him, and she didn't fully know what he was capable of. But she took Tim at his word. She knew how Dick could be. It seemed insane that he would believe it to the point of getting killed, but it wasn't outside the realm of possibility. "I mean, that's true... but that's so..." Trailing, she shook her head slowly. "That's a really twisted way to kill someone, Tim. Is that something you think he'd do? Isn't he just in it for the money? And who would put a contract out on Dick anyway? Unless NOVA could have hired Deathstroke, and that's why it's not on the dark web or any of the usual places where you'd look." Would that make sense? She wasn't sure. "Dick's with him right now, Tim. What's stopping him from just making it look like an accident and cashing in?" It's not like Dick was on guard or expecting any of that.

That made her laugh. "I can think of a couple things I do a little better than coffee."

Shaking her head, she slowed down for a yellow light that she normally might have sped up for. She was too distracted to be impatient. "So am I. And yeah, it's weird. It doesn't make any sense, not from what I've heard about Deathstroke, but..." Dick was someone she knew a little better, but still not as well as Tim or Bruce. "There hasn't really been a chance for anyone to talk to Dick about this. He has to have reasons. And Bruce... does he seem worried about it? Has he even said anything? If he were suspicious, he would have intervened, right? Or..."

TIM: “I mean that would make sense. But like... he also made Dick love him ten years ago and then sent his kid to try to kill him before forming his own Titans just to get at Dick after everything. He does play games and do things to hurt Dick. He has in the past.” At her suggestion he could do it now, Tim shook his head. “It’s way too conspicuous. Our whole family is here. If there was a chance things could get back to him, he’d be in trouble. Clark’s here... a lot of people are here. It would have to be planned out.”

Tim grinned. “I mean, you doo give excellent massages.” He knew what she meant, and his ears were a little pink even as he played.

“Bruce has been so focused with the League. I haven’t talked to him or even gotten a feel from him. But he has to be weird about, right? Dick is an adult, so he can’t, like, forbid him from doing anything, though.”

STEPH: "I know. You're right." Steph knew she couldn't be naive about Deathstroke's intentions, especially given all that she'd heard about him over the years. It also made sense that he would want to stay under the radar, even if he'd chosen to do it in a way that put him directly on the radar, because this way he had Dick vouching for him. The thought made her feel a little nauseous. "That would be so fucked up," she said softly, her grip tightening on the steering wheel. "Does anyone know where he was that night?" Babs had the exact time Dick was shot, so it might be possible to backtrack and look at Slade's movements.

Rolling her eyes, she snorted softly. "Anyone ever tell you how cute you look when you're blushing?"

Steph thought about it. When she'd gone to see Dick the morning after he'd been shot, Slade and Bruce were both in the room. Thankfully Tim had warned her ahead of time, but it was still a jarring sight. "I think we're all weird about it, but Bruce has known about it longer than we have." The atmosphere in the room had been somber upon her arrival, but not necessarily hostile. "I just... he could have kept him from that room, right? Slade isn't, like, related to Dick or anything. And Bruce is stupidly rich. I mean, he let him sit right next to him."

TIM: "Yeah. Yeah it would. And admittedly, I don't know Deathstroke as well as some people." Which was already making the wheels in his head turn as he considered. He had originally considered hiring Rose after the dinner party, but he hadn't quite had a solid contract for her. Now, he did. And that was determining why her father had come to the city in the first place. He had to have said something. Some kind of story. But he was also perfectly capable of lying. Rose would see through that better than he would, as Slade's kid and someone trained--at least in part--by Slade himself. "I think I'm going to get in touch with Rose." Not that he relished the idea, considering he still remembered her trying to mount him at Titans Tower.

"Oh yeah. People on the street stop me, people tweet me. Everyone does," he teased before squeezing her hand a little bit. It was just... easy with Steph.

He thought for a moment. "Slade just showed up. Conveniently at the hospital. No one called him. It was like he had a tracker on Dick or something. Or maybe he knew he'd be in the hospital." He couldn't tell if he was going off the rails, but the theory actually seemed like a plausible lead. He hated it, but it didn't make it less plausible. "He told them he was Dick's partner, so they let him in. I guess if Bruce wanted him out, he could have made it happen, but only temporarily. Slade isn't exactly known for just taking things lying down, you know? If he wanted to be in with Dick, I'm sure he would have found a way."

STEPH: "I don't know Deathstroke at all." At this point Steph was taking Tim's word for it, but he was the smartest and most thorough person she'd ever known. Bruce was supposed to be smart, technically, even though his judgment was seriously lacking sometimes. Maybe she shouldn't be fazed by his lack of concern. "Rose? Seriously? Do you think she'd help? She seemed pissed at M'gann's disaster dinner, but..." Was she mad enough to go covert? "Do you think he'd tell her if he were up to something? They don't seem exactly close."

She raised her eyebrows playfully. "Yeah? Am I gonna have to fight someone?" Once they reached the IHOP, she reluctantly let go of his hand so she could park the car in the closest spot she could find. "I'm so excited!" Waffles.

Turning the car off, she hesitated before getting out of the car. As they walked in she kept her voice low, casual, but no one was anywhere close enough to overhear. "God, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall to see Bruce's reaction to that." As stoic as Bruce was about basically everything, it was amusing to consider.

TIM: “I know Rose hates her dad,” he reasoned. “Even if it’s complicated. I also know Rose is like her dad. So if I offer her enough money, she’ll sell him out. If he fed some story to her, it’ll be her job to either corroborate it or find out what really happened.” It made sense to him. “Besides, there must be something in her. M’Gann’s not stupid. She wouldn’t be close to her if she were evil. And she was a Titan, you know?”

“Nah, I’m just kidding around.” He couldn’t help but grin as her face lit up. Tim loved to see her happy, because her enthusiasm offset him so well, reminded him to come out of his own head sometimes. “Me too, I crave grease. Don’t tell Alfred.”

“I can’t believe they just... believed him.” He rubbed them back of his neck awkwardly. “Maybe he and Dick go together. Like visually, I don’t know. Bruce’s face was the typical flat look, but you could see the slight tension around his eyes. His crow’s feet deepen like ever so slightly.”

STEPH: Steph made a face, but she didn't like how Rose acted at the dinner party or the thought of working with her in the future, even though she knew she was a Titan. "I guess." She sighed heavily, shrugging. "M'gann's not stupid, but she sees the best in people. Like Dick." It might say something that they both were all tangled up in that family, for worse or for worse.

"Pretty sure that cat's outta the bag, Timbers." She grinned, thinking about the time Alfred caught her sneaking about a dozen chocolate eclairs into the Batcave. "What are you gonna get?"

Huffing softly, she waited until the waitress left them at the table before answering him. "Visually? Tim." She couldn't help but smirk. "Maybe they just figured it wasn't that far-fetched. It's not like... I don't know, anyone's going to question either of them." Bruce and Slade were intimidating. Just sitting in the same room with both of them made Steph nervous.

TIM: "Who else would I ask to look into it? Jason? Not likely. He wouldn't help me with this." Jason had already decided he didn't give a shit, and Tim wasn't the kind of person who could just not give a shit or stop caring about the well-being of his brother. It wasn't ever going to happen. "M'Gann's also a telepath. So if Rose were really dangerous, she'd pick up on something right?"

"Grand slam," he answered without much thought. Meat, meat, meat, eggs, hashbrowns and pancakes. Tim may be small, but the time he spent not at his desk was either sleeping, patrolling, or working out. Needless to say, he was hungry approximately always. "But I'll try one of your pumpkin waffles if you let me."

Tim grinned. "Well I don't know. Some people are into that, you know?" Shuddering, he added, "Not me. But like... some people." He shook his head. "I would have been much quicker to believe Slade was Bruce's partner if Bruce wasn't renowned for loving women very much. Or at least pretending to." It was no secret that Bruce Wayne in his youth had been considered a--gag--playboy. Tim read the tabloids.

STEPH: "Have you asked him?" Jason and Dick didn't seem as hostile as they used to be, even though Steph hadn't spent much time time with either of them after the dinner party. "I guess so," she agreed reluctantly. "She's been around Deathstroke and doesn't seem fazed."

Steph gave him a playful glare when he asked her to share her waffles. "Just how much do you think I like you?"

That made her scrunch her nose. "...Wow, what an image. No thanks. They're weirdly similar." Two sides of the same coin. It had made for an increasingly comfortable visit. Bruce gave short, terse responses, so she'd given up and asked Slade questions instead.

TIM: “No,” he said simply. The last time Tim had tried to talk to Jason it had gone badly. He wasn’t sure Jason would see a need to get involved. “I’m worried I’d just mad at him if he told me to stop worrying about Dick.” And he didn’t want more tension with him and his brother. He wanted to fix the rift that already existed. “I don’t want to mess anything else up.”

“Hopefully a lot,” he said, his grin softening. “Hopefully... as much as you used to?” When they had been together officially. He missed being her boyfriend.

“Yeah, I regret saying it now,” he agreed with a laugh. “Gross. And Slade would probably try to kill Bruce, right?”

STEPH: "Even if he did say that, you know he's just..." Steph sighed, rolling her eyes. "The way he is, it's a huge front. I knew a lot of guys at my school like him. Loud and mean and pretending like they don't give a shit."

Surprised, she looked up at him quickly. It wasn't often that anything made her blush, but that definitely did. "...Of course, Tim. You know that. I never stopped."

She made a face. "I hope so, or we would all have to leave the country. Can you imagine their conversations? It'd just be grunting back and forth. I guess Dick's into that." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wished she could take them back. She hadn't meant to apply that to Bruce.

TIM: “Yeah, I don’t know. We were closer once.” In truth, it made Tim sad, but he hadn’t really given up. He just didn’t think that this was the right thing. Or maybe it was. He wasn’t sure. Maybe Steph had a point. He sighed. “I’ll try.”

“I know,” he said quietly. “Things just got mixed up and messed up, right? Just...” After Steph had come back, they had tried again. And then Bruce has gone missing and then they just... never made it official again. “I feel the same, though. About you, I mean. Sometimes I feel like you’re the only real constant, you know?”

Tim blanched. “God. That’s... now that you’ve pointed out the similarities, that’s so weird to think about.” He gave a deep shudder. “I’m learning a lot about Dick.”

STEPH: Steph wouldn't call herself close to Jason, but she knew what he was about in ways Dick and Tim would find difficult to understand. They'd both grown up on the wrong side of the tracks. Her mother was still addicted to painkillers and it wouldn't surprise her if Jason had been exposed to something similar. Kids weren't just orphans for no reason. "Don't let him get to you."

Pressing her lips together, she nodded slowly. "Yeah. That's what I want to be, I mean, I'm not going anywhere. You and all those other stupid boys... and Cass and Babs, of course... you guys are my whole life. They're family, but you're... well, you know what you are."

Never had Steph felt so grateful to be interrupted by the waitress. She unwrapped her straw as their server walked away again, grimacing. "Let's just undo the last five minutes."

TIM: Tim had just reached out to catch Steph’s hand, resting them on the table. He shook his head after they ordered, wrinkling his nose. “Agreed. I’m more interested in you and me anyway.” He gave a wry little grin. “So I guess this is the part where i ask you to be my girlfriend. Again.”

It would be nice to have a name for it. He had slipped back into ‘babe’ and ‘baby’ with ease. Now he just had an excuse to do it. Not that she had ever complained before. His thumb ran over the back of her hand as he watched her fondly.

STEPH: Even though they hadn't talked about it, the same question had been on the tip of Steph's tongue for the past few weeks. She relentlessly pursued Tim in the past, before everything went downhill, but the years since her return hadn't been easy. It felt better to let Tim come back to her. She knew how badly she'd hurt him. "Really?" She asked softly, wrapping her fingers tightly around his hand.

There was only a beat. Then Steph was out of her seat and flinging her arms around Tim's neck, unmindful of where they were and who was watching them. "I can be your girlfriend again??" Every time he tried to answer she kissed him so he couldn't get a word out, giggling.

TIM: “Of course, babe. I wouldn’t just say that.” He moved to speak more when suddenly he had a lap full of Steph. It didn’t bother him in the least, though; he was used to it with her. And she was completely unabashed in expressing her emotions. It was so different to Tim and part of why he loved her.

“If you want,” he finally managed to get out. “But, uh, judging by the... this...” He thought it was a pretty good bet to assume she wanted it. Reaching up, he tucked her hair behind her ear before catching her cheek. It was good. This was the most human he had felt in so long. And he always felt more functional with Stephanie. Of course he did.

STEPH: Steph had always been direct and unabashed about what she wanted and how she felt. It might have bordered on overly confident, but a lot of that had to do with overcompensating. Tim didn't treat her the way she was used to being treated by the boys she dated. He saw actual potential in her. "I know, I just want to hear you say it again!"

Laughing, she reached for his hand and kissed the center of his palm, snuggling her nose against it playfully. "What?" She asked innocently, unable to keep a straight face for longer than a few seconds, and grinned. "I'm allowed to miss you, jerk."

TIM: “I want you to be my girlfriend,” he said, indulging her. Steph was worth so much more than so many people had made her believe. She was strong and smart and beautiful and good. Tim hated anyone who had ever made her feel any differently. He certainly wouldn’t. Not when she wanted him for whatever reason. He wasn’t going to mess that up.

He grinned back, though her attention did make him flush red. After all, though he had dozed off with her a few times and though they had made out after she painted her room, he hadn’t let himself get carried away with her. Not when he wasn’t sure. He had needed to think, but the more he thought, the more he realized he was a complete idiot for making her wait. “I love you, Steph. Still. And probably always, honestly.”

STEPH: The words made her face light up and she wrapped her arms around his neck, still sitting sideways in his lap. Tim was in a booth, so it wasn't as if she were causing a huge scene, but she could see a few people looking over at them. "Mmmm..." She drew out the hum playfully. "Okay. I'll be your girlfriend." It was so weird to say the word and to hear Tim say it, when no one called her a girlfriend in any capacity in years.

Kissing Tim and holding his hand had made her feel very much like they were back at the beginning again. It hadn't been a bad feeling at all. In fact, it was very much the opposite. They had the chance to do things over better. "I love you, too, and... yeah. I don't see that ever changing. This is it for me."(edited) September 10, 2020

TIM: He grinned at that. “Okay,” he told her. “I’m tweeting it, so you can’t take it back. Once it’s on the Internet, it’s forever. I don’t make the rules.” He had to arch awkwardly to reach his phone in his back pocket, but he had it out eventually and even pulled up the camera before raising a brow. “Selfie?”

He looked up at her, feeling lighter exponentially now that they had it all figured out. It was nice. They could now just... be. No confusion, and boundaries Tim already understood. They just worked.

STEPH: "And I'll change my facebook status, even though that's, like, so early 2000s." Grinning, Steph leaned in to fit herself against Tim's shoulder. She was sure to give him rabbit ears at the very last second.

TIM: He snapped the picture and then noted the ears with a groan. “Now I look like a dork, Steph,” he complained playfully, shaking his head even as he tweeted it out. “Also Facebook? What are you, 45 years old?”

STEPH: Rolling her eyes, Steph snatched one of one the napkins left on the table and tossed it at him. “Still cooler than you.”

TIM: “Probably,” he agreed. “Most people are.” Tim was a certified nerd, even if he was a member of the Batfamily. He thought it suited him well, and clearly she didn’t mind. “But I make it work for me.”

He considered for a moment. “Have you decided if you’ll make contact with Kiteman as your family?” He asked her gently, shifting the subject. He had told her about the connection when he had discovered it. As far as he knew, she hadn’t done anything with it yet.

STEPH: “It’s endearing,” Steph agreed. She thought all the boys were nerds in different ways.

The subject change made her sigh and she shrugged. “Yeah, eventually. I’ve just been putting it off.” She didn’t know what to say, or even if anything would come of it.

TIM: "Well I'm glad you think so," he teased before shaking his head. At least he had that going for him.

He was surprised when she said she was putting it off. Was it because Kiteman was one of the rogues? Steph's father had been... not great, too. He wondered if that was part of what was tripping her up. "Don't want to deal with it?" He prompted. "Or is it something else?" He didn't want to force her to talk, but he he didn't want to sit there and wonder what she was thinking, when he could just ask her.

STEPH: Steph shrugged, chewing on the edge of her thumbnail. "I dunno. I'm just not sure if it's worth it. If he'll even care. It's not like we know each other." Smirking faintly she crossed her arms and rested them against the edge of the table. "Plus he's one of the bad guys, which is probably why Bruce never told me. What am I supposed to do if we come across each other in the field? It's just... I dunno. I'll say something eventually."

TIM: "Kiteman's kinda... funny," he said. "Dick knows him. I could talk to him about it and see what he thinks? If you don't want to, I mean. Try to get a read?" He knew that Dick had worked closer with Chuck than he certainly had. "Some of the bad guys aren't so... bad. There's Selina? We know she's flipped back and forth."

STEPH: "Yeah, I know, I've met him. He sees things that aren't even there, Tim. I could tell and he might just forget what I said to seconds later. He's in his own world." Steph didn't know how the news would be received, but she also didn't want to be disappointed. Family had never exactly been something she could rely on. "No, don't ask Dick. I'll do it. I really will." Eventually.

TIM: "Okay," he said, holding up his hands. "I just don't want you to sit on it forever. Unless you decide that it's just more worthwhile to not say anything." Steph wasn't a Wayne, which certainly made things less complicated for the pair of them dating. But it also meant that her only family wasn't her family. He didn't know how she felt about that, but he didn't push her. He just reached out to cover her hand. "Whatever you want to do, baby."(edited)

STEPH: Frowning, Steph tugged on her straw and swirled it around in her drink anxiously. “I won’t. I’ll figure it out.” Maybe she won’t know what she wanted to do until she actually saw him. She didn’t like overthinking things. Sometimes it was just better to go with your gut. Taking Tim’s hand, she reached for the syrup with the other. “Thanks. I’ll let you know whatever I decide... whenever I figure it out.”

TIM: "Okay. Works for me." He took a bite of the eggs, letting out a soft groan. "God this is the first, like, actual meal that i didn't take one bite of and then leave on the plate in... a really long time. God. A couple of weeks?" How had he been sustaining it? Sheer force of will and existential anxiety. Running a hand over his face, he let out a sigh.

STEPH: "That's insane, Tim." Steph sighed, but her tone was gentle despite her disapproval. "I'm surprised you haven't send Alfred into an early grave." After drowning her waffles in syrup, she cut off a huge bite. "You know how he worries."

TIM: "He tried to pull me out. I just... didn't want Dick to get hurt again, Steph. I'm still worried, honestly. And it feels... really rough that I wasn't there for him when it happened, you know?" He shook his head before idly pushing the eggs around the plate. "I needed to figure it out." Blowing out a soft breath, he shrugged. "And I still haven't quite. Even after all that work."(edited)

STEPH: "What do you mean? You were there for him, in every way you could have been." It wasn't as if any of them patrolled with Dick or had nightly check-ins. "You went to the hospital right away and you've been working your ass off to figure out who did this. And you will figure it out." Steph gave him a look. "But you have to eat meals, even if I have to force feed you bite by bite."

TIM: Maybe he wasn't being fair to himself, but Tim couldn't help it. He had been thinking about death and how easy it would be to lose one of his brothers since it had happened, and he hadn't been sure if maybe things would only get worse if he didn't solve it. They were always in danger. It was the nature of what they did. But he didn't want them to be any more in danger than they needed to be. He needed to protect his family as much as he could. And he needed to feel like, even though he hadn't been out in the field often due to the nature of his work with the League, he could still protect people in general. But maybe he was just spiraling to a place of abject unfairness to himself and Steph was reminding him of that.

"It isn't like I go into it thinking that I should ignore food. I just get caught up."

STEPH: "I know you don't. I'm not saying you do it on purpose. You just have to listen to the people around you. Alfred worries, but he knows what Bruce's limits are better than he does. Trust him. And trust me. You know I'm not going to nag you do anything unless I'm really worried." Nagging in particular was actually something she had a specific distaste for. And with the way things had been lately, Steph found herself getting closer and closer to that point. She was relived when Tim made the decision himself to finally leave the house so they could sit down and eat together.

TIM: "Alfred always worries," he muttered before shaking his head. He knew she was right. But he overthought everything. Overworked his own mind and his own motivations. "I do okay," he said. "I've been managing for a long time." Lifting his gaze, he met hers. "You don't need to worry, Steph. Promise."

STEPH: Steph rolled her eyes as she took another bite of her waffle. "Then listen to me if I say you need to eat. Then I don't have a reason to worry." Maybe it was selfish for her to want Tim to take care of himself, but she didn't like to see him run himself ragged. Sleep was another battle altogether, but maybe she could win the food battle.

TIM: "Fine," he answered before shaking his head. "I will try," he allowed. Tim couldn't promise that he wouldn't get wrapped up in what he was doing ever again. That his anxiety wouldn't put food far down the list of his priorities. But he would try. Because he didn't like that Steph was worried about him. He didn't like causing her any kind of pain and that was motivation to at least agree to attempt to be more conscientious.

STEPH: That was all Steph wanted to hear, really. She knew she couldn't expect Tim to be able to navigate himself into a healthy schedule or rely on him to suddenly develop healthy habits. It was a small win that he would agree to try. That meant she could always reference this conversation if were resistant or stubborn in the future. That was something. And Steph wouldn't abuse the power, either. She knew it was important to find out who did this. "Good."

TIM: The rest of the meal passed in companionable conversation. Things were always easy with her. She made him laugh, brought him out of his shell in ways that others didn't. Steph was comfortable, which, for Tim, was a godsend. For a man whose mind went a thousand miles an hour and whose anxiety followed him like a dark cloud, pancakes, eggs, and the effervescent blonde who, for some reason, wanted to be with him in spite of all his neuroses were like heat to the freezing. He was almost sad to pay the bill, though having eaten left him feeling tired and heavy.

It was early enough in the morning that nearly the whole house seemed to be sleeping as they pulled the Redbird back into the garage. They'd just gotten out when Tim bit his lip and caught Steph's hand. "Wanna come to my room with me?" She had her own room, he knew, but he didn't want her to go to it. Not when they could be close. When he could enjoy the comfort of having her with him. Tim was still processing a lot, and it would be nice to have someone else to put his mind on, even if he just ended up falling asleep with her.

STEPH: Steph paid attention to how much Tim ate, but she didn't give any sign of it. She knew he didn't want someone else to mother him. That was a role typically assigned to Alfred, or Dick, and she knew Tim could get frustrated if he were being treated as if he weren't competent. Instead she teased him and talked to him about patrol, even showed him a few videos that she was going to put on TikTok later. Some even had added music. She was still giggling at NOVA agents tripping over themselves trying to catch Cass as they were leaving the restaurant. The mood was lighter and she could feel it.

It still took her by surprise when Tim invited her to his room. She looked down at his hand and squeezed it, smirking a little as she leaned in to gently tap the tip of his nose. "I thought you'd never ask. Am I about to witness a miracle?" Tim Drake sleeping? She'd wanted to say something before, but she thought it would push her luck. The fact that he would offer on his own was a huge step forward.

TIM: "The miracle of Tim Drake sleeping?" He asked with a smirk. "Maybe. The magic of Steph Brown." He wrinkled his nose playfully before leading her up the stairs. His limbs felt heavy even as he pushed open the door and kicked off his shoes. It was all he could do to get his jeans off and his shirt over his head before he pulled the blankets back for her. "After you."

STEPH: Before Tim came upstairs, Steph had already been dressed for bed. All she had to do was kick off her shoes. She got under the covers, yawning as she slipped to the side and in her usual spot by the wall. It was where she always liked to sleep, tucked up in a little ball, and piled high with covers and blankets sometimes made it impossible for anyone to see she was there.

TIM: As she slipped over to the wall, Tim joined her, moving close and wrapping an arm around her waist. Catching her chin, he raised a brow. "Can I kiss you?" he asked her. Tim always asked, even if it was a little stupid. But he didn't want to ever assume. Still, he'd like to kiss her goodnight. And then he could kiss her good morning whenever they woke up. The thought made him just a little giddy, and then he felt a little silly for that too. But he couldn't stop the way his stomach tightened a little. It'd be good. This time, they'd be good. They weren't as young. Things weren't as complicated. Not for the two of them, at least.

STEPH: Steph always thought it was adorable when Tim asked her permission for something as innocent and sweet as a kiss. In the past, she'd never been as thoughtful. She smiled, reaching up to gently brush a few stray pieces of hair off of his forehead. "You can kiss me, Boy Wonder." It didn't matter if he weren't technically Robin anymore. That was what she'd always call him. The early years had left an impression despite what happened later on, but she would never want to forget everything they experienced together.

TIM: He gave a crooked little grin before leaning down to slide his lips against hers. He couldn't help himself as he caught her hip. Tim never minded when Steph all but jumped him for kisses and whatever she wanted. He knew he was probably a little overly ridiculous about it, but Steph had been through a lot of crap in her life. Tim wanted her to always feel valued, because he did value her. She deserved to know it. "I love you," he told her quietly, just a little shyly, even if it had been so easy for him to say in the restaurant. This context always felt different. Intimate.

STEPH: Every since they were teenagers, Steph found Tim's shyness to be endearing. She hadn't known his identity at first. As Robin, Tim was confident and impressive in all areas except flirtation. It was the only way she could shock him, and it wasn't as if she could keep up with him in the other areas. She playfully hooked her ankle between Tim's feet as she kissed him back. It felt comfortable, familiar, and she was blushing a little by the time he drew back. "I love you, too."

TIM: As she blushed, he pressed another kiss to her cheek. He didn't want to start anything tonight that he couldn't finish, but he didn't think that Steph would begrudge it of him as he pulled her close and buried his face in her neck. The scent of her skin and the familiar beat of her heart was all but hypnotic as sleep pulled at him. His eyes began to slip closed and he pressed another little kiss to her pulse as his breathing began to deepen.

#c: redrobin-timdrake #c: discord #tim drake #stephanie brown

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twinkledadwa · 4 years

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Home is Where (a ghost nest #1)

november 7th, 4:47 am pst.

in all sincerity;

this interview was birthed from the innate fear of death. for what it is to ‘be a ghost’, beyond having the ability to slam doors after your passing, isn’t truly defined. a trait consistent throughout the many interpretations of angels, spirits, paranormal and such is the presence felt being an essence lost in time. ‘who’ a person is stops at their death. all human aspects stripped, ghosts work as an echo of a fading past; something more akin to a message in a bottle than an entity still living.

so, in our lives, do we strive to create essences that continue to build after our deaths? or do we attempt to capture our essences well enough at the moment to make our ghosts stronger? the latter has been adopted for ‘a ghost nest’. i hope, for everybody’s sake, that it isn't explained again. context felt necessary to clear up why these interviews are in a hybrid, ‘Dear Sally’-esque format. what this should be considered, at most, is an exercise in essence on a minuscule scale.

and on november 7th, at approximately 5:10 am pst, brandon macdonald expressed a similar sentiment. ‘tantrum provider’ for Palm Coast-based emo band Home is Where, they noted the name’s function as a subliminal advertisement; so that whenever the proverb it takes from is used, listeners at any moment in time will harken back to sound bleeding with vibrancy. ‘the scientific classification of stingrays’ (topical cover art) carries an urgency somehow familiar, symptomatic of the band stretching their foundations into their own monument. for ninety minutes, unknowingly breaths away from a new president-elect, we had a conversation.

this is Home is Where’s ghost nest.

youtube

So, how long is too long for us not to have a presidential assassination?

Brandon: Um, that’s a good question. I was on a local podcast recently and, funny enough, I didn’t know going into it that they’re sponsored by a financial magazine? I lost my shit finding that out. I was laughing my ass off. I was like, “your financial magazine, right now, is supporting an artist who is a dedicated Marxist. A communist who sees these people on the street and knows that I represent exactly what they’re against”. The song isn’t meant to be about an actual assassination or about Orange Man himself. I wanted it to be a comment on the structure itself, you know, how long living within it does it take before everything builds up and we eventually bite the hand that feeds us?

Protest music that names specific presidents does not age well. Look at 80s punk, besides Dead Kennedys, mentioning Reagan. You know, what was the name of that compilation against Bush? The intention was to write a protest song that lasts longer than a presidency. Also, it was easier from a lyric-writing perspective, although there are plenty of words that rhyme with Trump. I don’t know about McConnell [laughs].

Videos of ‘stingrays’ live date back to January. Was all the material off the next record written pre-quarantine?

All of it. We were sitting on this material for a while, and we went into the studio in early April. We wanted to pump something out before, you know, the end of the world happened. So we got those done, it was mastered around May, and now we are waiting for a few more parts to be sent in. That’s no worries, it’s been a difficult time for all of us. The original plan wasn’t even to drop a single for ‘i became birds’. 2021 was coming up and we hadn’t released anything this year, so ‘stingrays’ felt like the most direct and obvious choice.

In the world, how do you see both your personal presence & Home is Where’s presence?

You know, I don’t leave the house much. If I do, I wear a mask. I go to work. I spend time with my cat. I hang out with my girlfriend when I can, as we’re pretty much on opposite schedules. The band hasn’t been up to much. We haven’t met since May and we’ve all faced changes in our individual lives, but at some point, when or if the chaos comes to an end, we’ll be playing together again. In terms of Home is Where? We’re an emo band from Florida. There’s plenty of those. This might be a pretty trash take, but a lot of the bands in the scene comment on liberalism, and you can only gain so much by listening to it. You should spend your time reading theory, doing something actually important, so you’d be able to make a change in the world. So, in the grand scheme of things, Home is Where is not important. However, it is something I love and am fortunate enough to do.

Dear Brandon, of Home is Where. I’m having trouble finding my own space when stuck home with my family. What should I do?

Charley, in Pennsylvania.

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Brandon: Is this referring to COVID?

I’m pretty sure it is.

. Okay, I think I have an answer for this.

In terms of finding your own space, just find something you’re passionate about and, fucking, dive headfirst into it. A few years back, around the time we started to get serious with the band, I was in a position where I didn’t have a job but I had enough saved up so that it was a few months until I had to worry about rent. With all the time I had, I wanted to buckle down and get really into something I wanted to learn everything about emo. You know, I knew Rites of Spring were the ones who started the genre and some of the stuff about the 90s, but I wanted to know all of it. There were 2000 emo albums that I downloaded and I listened through all of them. Everyone inspired me. Not all of them were good, no. Some were bad, but by listening to them, I knew exactly what I didn’t want to do. It helped clarify what I wanted Home is Where to sound like.

Find something you’re passionate about. You know, reading theory, making art, do something that makes at home in your home. You can do so many great things.

Do you have any song recommendations for this situation?

I have two! The first is, well, you can never go wrong with Cap’n Jazz. Pioneers, truly some of the greats. Tim Kinsella is a genius; I do my best to take what I can from him. It’s him and Bob Dylan. The song is We Are Scientists! (by Cap’n Jazz). I believe some of the lyrics do touch upon that feeling of being stuck around other people. Like, “starchy product scripted people I never asked to care about”? “you can’t look at the sky without looking right through it”? Those lines are, mwah, chef’s kiss!

The second is H.S. by Plunger. Let me pull up the lyrics to this. It’s another one that comments directly on feeling isolated from those around you. Here it is; “All these old faces/Smiling and laughing/But you’ll never leave fourteen”. Yeah, that seems to sum up the emotion this person expressed.

Dear Brandon, of Home is Where. Things recently ended with a person I had been seeing. I hurt them, didn’t communicate my feelings properly, and I feel like garbage for it. I leave the continent for 5 months in a few weeks, and I want to reach out before I leave, but also I want to give her space? Should I wait and see if she reaches out? I’m a dumb stupid idiot. Dumb stupid idiot, in Maine.

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‘Dumb stupid idiot’ [laughs]. That truly is an emo question. I am sorry to hear that you’re going through that. That sucks, man. Heartbreak sucks. I wish you the best in leaving the country during COVID times, seeing as that might be difficult, and hopefully, it opens your eyes to new things.

My one piece of advice is to give it time. I know a few years seems like a lot of time, but it really isn’t. There are moments where I, too, indulge in being derogatory towards myself. Home is Where has lyrics about feeling alienated, being hard on yourself. A few years ago, I moved back to the town I grew up in, and even though it was considered ‘home’, I didn’t feel that. It was tough. Eventually, over time, everything came together. You just gotta wait and look back when you’re in a better headspace,

You’re going overseas, you have so many new experiences ahead of you. Who knows, maybe you two will end up working out, we’ll see. You got this. I’m rooting for ya.

Do you have any song recommendations?

I came up with three, actually. One isn’t emo or anything close to adjacent, so I added another to compensate.

I Love You Too by Rainer Maria is the first one. It’s hard to find emo that deals straight up with a break-up, there isn’t much out there, but Rainer Maria stuck out. This song is killer. That entire EP is killer. One of the best emo bands ever.

Idiot Wind by Bob Dylan is my second recommendation. Which is not emo, but in terms of break-up songs, it doesn’t get much better than this. Blood on the Tracks is fucking brutal; Dylan puts blame on pretty much everything.

The other emo song is from, I want to say, around 2000 or 2001? Near the end of that 90s, ‘second wave’ emo, whatever it is considered. The song is For Meg by On the Might of Princes. It’s about Meg Griffin from Family Guy. No, it’s not. Actually, I am not sure, but this track has just about everything; it’s lo-fi, has some screams, and the lyrics seem to discuss a heartbreak;

”This is for you. to hold you close, to keep you Close to my heart. I'll scream it til your ears bleed You'll always have a friend in me”

Great, great emo that gets heavy. They’re the only emo band that Brave Little Abacus cited as an influence on their sound. You should definitely check them out.

Home is Where’s visual ghost nest (collages & mixtape visualizer) consists of: Modern Times//Halloween: Resurrection (”Busta Rhymes beating the shit out of Michael Myers is a 10/10 for me”)//Blood Diner//Simpsons: Hit & Run//City Lights//Woody Guthrie: Hard Travelin’//The Horror of Party Beach//Peanuts//Zippy the Pinhead//Fritz the Cat//The Enfield Haunting//Twin Peaks//Wayne’s World 2//Synecdoche, New York//Japanese Woodblock Prints

Home is Where can be found on twitter, facebook, and bandcamp. ‘i became birds’ out 2021 on Knifepunch Records.

their ghost nest is on spotify. questions for future ‘episodes’ can be asked under the advice tab.

this now exists. bless to brandon, Home is Where, and you all.

#what would be a good hashtag #interview #Home is Where #diy #emo #college #ghosts #ghost nest #florida is in stage 4. isn't that concerning?#bob dylan #tacoma

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totalvibration · 4 years

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55 Albums Released in 2019 That Splash Oat Milk In My Earl Grey

This year felt like slo-mo, a holding pattern and a fast-forward button stumbling towards unknown ends. I spent the early months in paternal bliss and sleep deprivation, caring for my newborn daughter, then spent the rest of the year running to slow down… to make the most of small moments with my family, to juggle that thing every lifestyle magazine calls the work-life balance, to know when I need help and being willing to ask for it, to making priorities with loved ones.

Also, after years of oolongs and a staunch no-milk-in-tea-except-milk-teas policy, I started putting honey and oat milk in my Earl Grey, an old tea standby that's felt warmly familiar in colder months. Similarly, I dug my heels into familiar-to-me gnarly metal, deep drone and abrasive punk this year, uninterested in poptimist takes on indie-rock. In an effort to maximize more time with new family and less with bulls***, I leaned hard into my Viking's Choice column at NPR Music (which went weekly!) to shout out underground debauchery and beauty to anyone who would listen.

Below are 55 albums (and a few reissues and archival releases) that hit me in different ways over 2019. No ranking, just links out to Bandcamp where available. They come paired with emoji because that's a thing I do on Twitter.

See also:

Viking's Choice: The Year In The Loud And The Weird (my annual year-end episode of All Songs Considered)

20 Punk Albums Released In 2019 That Flip Eggs, Pick Up Chains

20 Metal Albums Released In 2019 That Bluurgh Over Sick Riffs

A nine-hour playlist of 2019 jamz

But first, some stray thoughts:

Ta-Nehisi Coates' still-ongoing Captain America run has been extremely rewarding. A beloved superhero comes to terms with the line between patriotism and nationalism as Coates underlines that American progress often comes from reluctance.

Daniel Warren Johnson's Murder Falcon spoke to me not only as a metalhead who loves cartoonishly kick-ass violence, but also as a dude with a tender heart… that final issue still gets me in the feels.

Krzysztof Kieślowski's Three Colours is secretly a trilogy of movies about the loving, painstaking process of creation, specifically music. I'd never seen any of them until paternity leave (and a sleeping baby) gave me hours to binge long-neglected to-watch lists. In 1993's Blue, in particular, a composition mirrors the grief of Juliette Binoche in an exquisite performance.

Tiny Desk concerts I produced for NPR Music in 2019: American Football (with a children’s choir!), Thou, Erin Rae, Carly Rae Jepsen (sort of), Jimmy Eat World and Mount Eerie (videos coming in 2020).

There’s a gallery at Glenstone, a truly stunning museum experience, that’s literally just a room full of books, a sculpted wooden bench and a large window that looks out on the rolling hills of Maryland. I could spend hours there.

The second season of KCRW's Lost Notes, hosted by Jessica Hopper, built episodes like albums, sequenced with eureka moments throughout. See: the story of a teenage Farsi New Wave sibling duo and a difficult and necessary reassessment of John Fahey through the women in his life.

High Spirits (May 7, Atlas Brew Works) is such a force for good. Heavy metal singalongs about love, friendship and positivity. I feel like this band needs to tour with Sheer Mag to be fully appreciated by an unknowing audience.

Has your baseball team ever won the pennant with the sleeping baby on your chest? So many silent screams of joy in our household as the Nats not only won the National League, but the whole dang World Series. I haven't lived in a city/state with a baseball team that's gone to the World Series since 1995.

Circuit Des Yeux's Haley Fohr (Dec. 5, Hirshhorn) tuned her voice to feedback hum and the rest that followed felt like a wordless eulogy for 2019. I felt renewed by it.

I can't think of a prettier song released in 2019 than "This Time Around" by Jessica Pratt. It is saudade whispered into the wind.

This was my Linda Ronstadt year. Heart Like a Wheel, Canciones de mi Padre, her records with the Stone Poneys — the Queen of LA, with a voice that both bursts out of and melts into dusk, softened the edges of long days with an equally adventurous and easygoing spirit.

🚙 Petrol Girls, Cut & Stitch: In 2019, it was crucial — life-affirming and -saving, even — to make your own noise. "This is the sound / It moves in our bodies / It passes through time / Brings what came before us," Petrol Girls' Ren Aldridge screamed at the top of a turbulent punk record filled with compassion. That boundless philosophy resonated with me this year — to listen and absorb more deeply, to excavate the traces of memory in music.

👽 Blood Incantation, Hidden History of the Human Race: Simultaneously exists in the gaping maw of death-metal tradition and the galaxy brain of its future.

💾 Kali Malone, The Sacrificial Code: Seeks the solemnity of the drone in the pipe organ, but leans into the vulnerability pushed through the air.

🕹️ billy woods & Kenny Segal, Hiding Places: An album-length self-excavation that crawls through moldy memories in a brutal poetry that is at times darkly funny but mostly wrestles with personal and societal truths that'll leave you touched, shook.

📟 Holly Herndon, PROTO: One of our deepest thinkers went to the past to make music from the future.

🚨 Rakta, Falha Comum: Creepazoid emanations from a subterranean plane.

🐣 Sunwatchers, Illegal Moves: Ecstatic protest music summoning the beauty and rage of Alice Coltrane, Sonny Sharrock, Rhys Chatham and Hawkwind.

🏞 Bill Orcutt, Odds Against Tomorrow: The most engaging, radical, but surprisingly accessible solo guitar album of the year. Bill Orcutt's ragged-yet-tender guitar skronk gives shaggy texture to rapturous melodies.

🍕 Control Top, Covert Contracts: This hits some dance-punky Erase Errata sweet spots for me, but with the technical finesse of a power trio.

🚟 Real Life Rock & Roll Band, Hollerin' the Spirit: Applies minimalist techniques to rumbling, dueling guitar histrionics with a reckless, but locked-in energy. Never woulda thunk American Football and Henry Flynt could hoedown together.

🐠 Caroline Shaw & Attacca Quartet, Orange: Balances austere beauty with rumbling earth. Riveting music for string quartet.

💥 Mdou Moctor, Ilana (The Creator): Where ZZ Top bombast, Black Sabbath riffs and Tuareg trance rhythms swirl into an acid-rock stomp.

👑 Vagabon, Vagabon: Goes so many places, yet always returns home.

🎭 JPEGMAFIA, All My Heroes Are Cornballs: A neon-freaked feast blasted in slow mo and fast forward all at once.

🌆 Denzel Curry, ZUU: Dude's a metal rapper without a metal band, but if he ever started one, I'm down 100 percent.

💨 Whistling Arrow, Whistling Arrow: An avant UK supergroup of prepared guitar, violin, electronics and hypnotic percussion drinks deep of dark lagers and mossy earth.

🐸 101 Notes on Jazz: Things are getting hard around the boloney hole...

🐳 M. Sage, Catch a Blessing: Warm, fuzzy world-building from blocks of sound stretched and warped into a new nostalgia.

🚇 Mizmor, Cairn: Deliberate and patient in its annihilating pace; lumbering, yet regally melodic riffs echo into a chasm of feedback.

🌅 Takafumi Matsubara, Strange, Beautiful And Fast: Next-level grind from the Gridlink mastermind and friends. While No One Knows What the Dead Think picked up where Discordance Axis left off, Takafumi Matsubara shreds into the future.

🐎 American Football, LP3: A reunion that keeps on giving and growing. Impressionistic in its quietly bursting arrangements and attuned to the individual talents of its vocal guests, especially that stunning duet with Hayley Williams.

🔋 v/a, Seitō: In the Beginning, Woman Was the Sun: This compilation does for modern Japanese women in experimental music what P.S.F.’s Tokyo Flashback comps did for the Japanese psychedelic scenes of yore.

👗 Carly Rae Jepsen, Dedicated: Didn't hold together as much as I wanted, or play like E•MO•TION's late-night mixtape, but every time one of its singles popped up on a friend's playlist -- "Julien," "Want You in My Room," "The Sound" and especially the slow-burn synth-pop exhaustion of "Too Much" -- I'd think, "Carly Rae Jepsen is the Queen of the Song I Needed Right Now."

🌕 Rong, wormhat: Just bonkers. Boston's Rong channels the joyous chaos of Japanese punks Melt-Banana and the aggro skronk of Brainiac with a tad of Deerhoof's weirdo-pop hooks.

✊🏿 Sounds of Liberation, Sounds of Liberation / Unreleased Columbia University 1973: Free jazz and funk band deep in spiritual grooves. Killer performances all around, but such a trip to hear more from young vibraphonist Khan Jamal during his Drum Dance to the Motherland era.

🐬 Great Grandpa, Four of Arrows: If Sixpence None the Richer made an emo record, but only had Return of the Frog Queen on the mood board.

📳 Sarah Louise, Nighttime Birds and Morning Stars: One of my favorite guitarists right now. Digitally processes melodies and single notes in an electronic elation landing somewhere between Robert Fripp, Alice Coltrane and Terry Riley.

📮 Sarah Hennies, Reservoir 1: An immersive sound cycle in constant motion, a quiet rumble that slowly transforms in and out of a glorious clatter.

👣 Psychedelic Speed Freaks, Psychedelic Speed Freaks: Munehiro Narita essentially picks up where High Rise left off, still plays the guitar like it's about to blow up.

🍩 Town Portal, Of Violence: Most instrumental post/prog-rock puts me to sleep, but this Danish trio illustrates just how dynamic and sound-rich this music can be.

🛀 Jim O'Rourke, steamroom 45: An electronic excavation from the deep abyss. The 37-minute "Sigaretstraat" is a master class in patience, dynamics and sublime dissonance.

🎀 Cristina Quesada, I Think I Heard a Rumor: Multi-lingual, ultra-chic dance-pop with super-smart synth arrangements. Think: Tiki drinks and mod dresses.

⏹ John Luther Adams, Become Desert: Truly time-less music; as in, music without time.

⏏ Julia Reidy, brace, brace: Late night, longform excursions that offer an alternate Blade Runner soundtrack with frenzied 12-string, fuzzy synth glossolalia and an Auto-Tuned bummer haze.

🚞 A Million Dollars, I Love Your Voice and I Love You: Weird and warped twee-pop that woulda headlined Silent Barn.

📠 Priests, The Seduction of Kansas: Truth-telling and truth-seeking through a mangled disco haze and bleak New Wave romanticism.

🏭 Werner Durand with Amelia Cuni and Victor Meertens, processions: Majestic drones capture an undulating wonder with enveloping somnolence.

🎳 Sheer Mag, A Distant Call: The denim-and-leather-jacket-wearing standard bearers of truly independent rock and roll double-downed on their sound, but opened their hearts a bit more.

📒 Susan Alcorn / Joe McPhee / Ken Vandermark, Invitation to a Dream: Illuminates the flickering motions of exploration.

😱 Serpent Column, Mirror in Darkness: Pitch-black metal chaos with forceful melodies twisted into the tableau. Honestly? Deathspell Omega but skramz.

🏅 Pernice Brothers, Spread the Feeling: Joe Pernice digs into his '80s record collection to return with some of his most delicately written, winsome guitar-pop in years and tons of one-liners: "Love is a shoeless charlatan, a silver-tongued huckster with a sadist’s lipless grin."

🍓 Kalie Schorr, Open Book: Whip-smart, hook-twanged country-pop raised on MTV2 pop-punk and Sheryl Crow.

📀 Angel Olsen, All Mirrors: In a year where we lost Scott Walker, this felt like a torch passed from 1969.

😪 Mount Eerie, Lost Wisdom pt. 2: Phil Elverum draws us in evermore, revisiting a beloved album, mode and collaborator (the remarkable Julie Doiron), and molding them into his ever-changing songwriting and circumstance. Contains the most tender couplet of the year, which I'll carry with me always: "If ever the bonfire that I carry around could warm you again / I will be out here in the weather for you glowing."

🙉 75 Dollar Bill, I Was Real: Serious hypno-grooves from these drone excavators.

👢 Karen Marks, Cold Cafe: The early '80s artist behind the Sky Girl comp's broodiest track gets a few more songs of existential synth-pop and jangly post-punk. Just wanna put them on mixtapes for friends.

🍻 Haunt, If Icarus Could Fly: Synthesizes an earnest, studied love for '80s heavy metal with tons of guitar harmonies and can-crushing anthems, yes, but also a ton of heart.

🍖 Bob Dylan, The Rolling Thunder Revue: The strangest, most mystical and wild Dylan persona in all of its face-painted glory.

🌹 A Pregnant Light, Broken Play: Damian Master's endless creativity and shameless bravado coalesce into a rugged beauty. As always, riffs for days.

🦄 Fire-Toolz, Field Whispers (Into the Crystal Palace): Clashes New Age synthscapes, clubby raves, jazz fusion and metal shrieks into an idiosyncratic master's pure creation.

🌇 Maria W Horn, Epistasis: Quiet, yet forceful acoustic elements are wrapped in the sinews of technology to blur composition. A stirring mix of icy string drones and minimalist piano.

🐲 Soul Glo, The N**** in Me Is Me: Distills the rage and terror of living in America while being black with blunt force.

🍢 Mára, Here Behold Your Own: Snapshots of a time before parenthood rendered in garbled organ, ambient guitar loops and echoing lullabies. Felt this one deeply.

🚙 The Go-Betweens, G Stands for Go-Betweens: The Go-Betweens Anthology - Volume 2: There's a live KCRW version of "Quiet Heart" that just absolutely destroys me. Deeply thankful for the presentation and preservation that's gone into these box sets.

😈 Bat for Lashes, Lost Girls: A coming-of-age concept album about a teenage vampire gang that was somehow severely overlooked. Some of Natasha's most tender songwriting and a rich synth-pop world that'd make M83 jealous.

#2019 in music

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surveys-at-your-service · 5 years

Text

Survey #206

“have you ever wished for death and prayed all night for your last breath?”

Do you always read the book before you see a movie based on a book? No. When you’re out with friends, do they ever encourage you to spend money you should be saving? 1.) I don't hang out w/ anyone now, 2.) but even when I did, they all knew I didn't make money. Is there anything you’re trying to save up money for? What? Perpetually tattoos, I want a PS4 super badly to play a novel of games I've been dying to play (SotC and Spyro trilogy remaster, I'm @ing you so hard), I need a car soon as I plan to at least try and get my license in the near future, I'd love to always have enough to immediately go to Sara's in case of an emergency, a trip to South Africa... but those are gonna take a good while to complete. I have my priorities straight for when I get a job. Have you ever watched a movie you didn’t really want to see just because a friend asked you to? Yeah. Did you end up liking the movie, anyway? There's been many cases of the above situation, so I'm sure in some instances I have. Heard any great songs for the first time lately? What songs? Hmmm, quite a number. "Radio" by Rammstein is great, and I love "bury a friend" and "bad guy" by Billie Eilish. What is your favorite urban legend? m o t h m a n and the joysey devil. Probably top two. GAH I love so many though????????????? Like Skinwalkers?????????????? And WENDIGOS????????? Have you seen all the cool shit?????????????? Do you remember the last nightmare you had? What was it? No, thankfully. Have you ever hopped on any bandwagons? HAHA. Freshman year, high school... I "liked" screamo or alternative-type bands I'd barely ever listened to or even enjoyed to fit in with the emos aldkjfalkwejr. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? Definitely not a complete one, but I can get pretty annoyed if in WoW we're in a heroic dungeon and people don't know the mechanics you should have already learned + read new ones that're right there in the goddamn journal laksdjfaoweir and then some people just totally ignore your advice and alskdjfwleiruwqoeif x2. Then again I've been that confused asshole in a couple raiding situations BUT LOOK they're harder and I had too much to catch up on okay. Still no excuse by WHATEVER. Have elitists on a fansite ever intimidated or talked down to you? I don't believe so. Is there anything you swear you will never do again? A few things with certainty. How late do you usually stay awake? I can literally go to bed as early as 7 to as late as 11 or rarely later. I do NOT have a schedule. Started months ago, and at first it frustrated and stressed me out quite a bit, but by now, I've just accepted it for me. Do you have pets? If so, how did you choose their names? Teddy: sister named him, but I'm sure it was the "cute as a teddy bear" type thing; Bentley: no clue; Roman: it sounded majestic, cats are majestic; Venus: pretty, and her coloration is similar to the planet; Kaiju: totally badass for an iguana that's gonna grow to be a big 'ole scaly boy; and Mitsu: I had a theme of giving my rats cutesy "M" names. Do you ever buy special treats for your pets? Occasionally. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? Did a middle school student write this? If you're pretty fond of something, there you go, you're a fan. Sure, some are more intense, but that doesn't make the more casual ones not "real." What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? Idk, I don't pay attention. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? Christ, without. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? HA. No. It is RARE I'll find a cute one, and that's always only online. Make pretty ones for plus-sized women a normal find, jfc. Idk why, but I am very picky with bras. Like good fucking luck seeing me without a shirt, so like,,,, why do I bother????? What length do you like your shorts to be? UM you will NOT see me in SHORTS. Have you ever cut off jeans or other pants and made them into shorts? Perhaps Mom has when I was a kid? But I have no memory of this ever happening. Have you cut the sleeves out of T-shirts to make tank tops? I don't think so. Have you ever modified a piece of clothing and hated how it turned out? ^ What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Ah jeez, what's the last time I even watched one. Idk. What was the last disappointing book you read? And I haven't read a book in even longer. Is there anything you’re really excited about? JOB. OPPORTUNITIES. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Vines, like shit dude. I can go on massive binges. What was the last thing you rolled your eyes about? I don't recall. What would you consider the greatest song ever recorded? Why? Yeesh, that's a big thing to decide. I recently discovered "A Reason to Fight" by Disturbed though, and it is. Incredible. Just read the lyrics to refresh my mind, and yeah, goosebumps. Do you like Hellboy? If so, do you prefer the old movies or the new one? Never seen any. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Dory, probably. But man, there's too many to choose from. Last thing you purchased just for fun? *shrugs* Do you even like behind-the-scenes stuff or does it ruin the magic for you? IF I'm real into the product, I love that stuff!! I've seen like every little BTS Silent Hill thing there is, probably, multiple hours' worth. What is your favorite thing about Mac computers? They're small and lightweight. What is your favorite thing about PCs? They generally hold much more memory. What are some errands you need to run soon? I don't have "errands" yet. Have your parents ever tried to convince people there was something wrong with you, when their “diagnosis” wasn’t accurate? No. List 3 of your best memories, times you wish you could go back and repeat. In no order, just as they come to me: 1.) First hug with Sara when we met at the airport; 2.) THE LOOK ON SARA'S FACE when she saw me in her room on her birthday (probably fave memory of all time, actually); 3.) seeing meerkats for the first time at the zoo. Ohhhh or maybe the true realization I was happy without Jason. But idk, that was SUCH a gradual process where I didn't feel ecstasy in like one moment. What color was your high school graduation gown? Ew, it was this obnoxious red. The majority apparently voted for it, while I was on the navy team. Are your parents’ dreams for your life different than your own? Mom's pretty dead-set on me being a vet, but she doesn't try to push me into it or anything. I know she just wants happiness for me. I haven't got a clue about Dad. Have your dreams for your life changed? Of course. What are your dreams now? HAPPY, stable job that I thoroughly enjoy, well-off financially (I don't aim to be rich, just "safe," you could say), healthy marriage, own my own home, travel to a few places, did y'all think I was gonna forget "meet Mark???"... stuff like that. What was your dream as a child? It changed plenty of times, but my earliest goal was to be a paleontologist. Do you feel safe in your country? Sure, I guess. Safer than most places. If applicable, do you feel safe at your school? N/A Would you ever want to learn sign language? It'd be cool, sure, but it's not something I'm interested in pursuing. How many meals do you eat a day? 2-3. Sometimes just one "real" meal. Do you own any succulents? No. What color are your walls? A hideous puke green. Why. What color were the walls in the bedroom you grew up in? I don't remember at all. What was the last song you listened to on repeat? "Love Falls" by HELLYEAH. What is your favorite style (or styles) of dance? Modern. Have you ever performed a solo dance in front of a crowd? No. Have you ever sung a solo? No. Which insects are you afraid of? Most, really. Do you think it’s silly to be afraid of an insect, when it’s so tiny? It depends on the insect, of course. Even if I do know what it is and it's "safe," I'll still typically freak if it surprises me. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Hmmm. Sara, I believe? What are you waiting for? Jesus FUCKING Christ on a bike a job. What do you usually feel like doing the most at home? Stuff on the laptop. What grade were you in when you had your first crush? I don't remember... For "puppy dog love," I believe maybe the 4th grade, but I may be wrong. I'd say my first *real* crush was on a guy named Sebastian in my freshman year of high school. Shit man, did a lot go down my freshman year. I'm just reminiscing and crushes jumped between like five dudes 'til Jason won. At what age did you start experiencing sexual attraction, if any? Some time in middle school, I think? Like that's when I had my first bisexuality crisis: 6th or 7th grade. Have you ever split open a rock with a hammer, to see the glitter inside? No, but FUCK I WANNA. What type of tree do you see the most of where you live? There's a pine tree outside my window. Oh, and there's a pine tree in my back yard. Oh, what's that across the road? Woods of pine trees. Where do all birds in NC live? In pine trees. What does our air smell like? Pine trees. Where is your favorite place you’ve lived? My previous home as far as location; house itself, where I am now. It's got its issues, but it's cozy and a perfect size for just two people. What states have you lived in? Just 'ole North Carolina. Take me awaaaaaaaaaaaay- Do you wish you were someone else? Sometimes. What is your favorite thing about the month in which it is now? Literally just flowers. That's it. It. Everything else can suck a legion of dicks. Who were your best friends in high school? Hannia, Girt, Jason (if he counts), Alon, Maria... I had a few "best" ones. ^Are they still your best friends now? Girt is my closest thing to a "best friend" if you don't include my girlfriend. Do you live near the mountains? No, they're on the opposite end of the state. ;___; Do you live near a beach? We're like, two-ish hours away. What is your favorite beach that you’ve been to? Idk and idc, beaches aren't my thing. Do you collect seashells? Not seriously, but I'll keep a cool one if I find one. If you were to start a new collection, what would it be? If I was not ashamed of looking like a 23-y/o pre-teen in love with Just Bieber, I'd have more Markiplier merch than you'd fucking believe. (One of my biggest regrets in life was not buying the tasteful nudes calendar; I will eternally smite myself for being too embarrassed to have to explain why I would have that hanging above my bed rip.) If you had to pick one year and describe it as the best year of your life that you want to relive again, which year would it be? 2017 was fuckin litty titty. Is your world view the same as your parents’? In some ways with Mom, and I do know Dad and I differ on a few things. Well, if I learned more about his more political beliefs, I feel I'd probably disagree with most. What color are your glasses, if applicable? Black. Are you the person you thought you’d be when you were younger? No. Are you a confrontational person, or the peacekeeper? I'm a massive peacekeeper. I avoid confrontation like the PLAGUE. Do you like to read? Not nearly as much as I used to. Like all I ever read nowadays are RP posts as I obviously have to reply to them, but if they're long, it is common I procrastinate on reading it... ;_; Do you sleep too much or not enough? Probably too much, especially when I go to bed early. Although, I do wake up throughout the night and sometimes officially pretty early. Then some days I have a 1-2 hour nap, so that just adds to it. Who is your best friend? Sara. <3 How did you two meet? YouTube. How did you meet your current bf/gf? ^ How far away is your closest family member? Well I live with my mom, but she's at work atm. The last time you did something with BOTH of your parents was? BOY OH FUCKING BOY. My mom's the most bitter witch towards him, so even for family events, Dad usually only stops by to avoid creating a goddamn wreck, such as at birthday dinners. I think the last time they were in the same house was for my nephew's birthday half a year ago, I believe. What’s your favorite holiday? Halloween!!! Now that I have a niece and nephew who grasp the concept of Santa, Christmas is also really special to me. I don't want kids, but watching those sweethearts get so excited over their presents is magical. For me personally, the holiday has grown more and more about celebrating family, especially as we continue to branch out/go our own ways. So I guess I like the idea of Halloween better and would enjoy it more if I actually had something to do, but as far as joy goes, Christmas. Do you like pumpkin pie? I hate anything and everything pumpkin-flavored. The last time you went to the doctor, what were you there for? It was the see my psychiatrist. Do you take any medication regularly? Yeah. Is there any particular view you have on insane people? I see "insane" versus "sane" as far more of a gradient shift instead of a direct split; there're levels. I actually do legitimately think I at some juncture in the aftermath of the breakup qualified as slightly insane, yet I wasn't dangerous or entirely out of touch with reality. So if you tell me someone's actually insane, I'm going to fear them being the explosive, entirely unpredictable and loopy kind, but I know the person may be calm and somewhat stable on the outside, too. You gotta consider the severity. Do you believe in any conspiracies? 9/11 was orchestrated by the government and you cannot change my mind. I'm not totally sold on this one and lean more towards "nah" (I think), but the "we live in a simulation by a future civilization" is not that far-fetched at all if you actually look into it. It's very interesting, whether or not you're sold on it. Hell, Neil deGrasse Tyson firmly believes in it. Out of your friends, who is the funniest? Girt makes me laugh at the snap of his fingers, it seems. Anything you need to get rid of? I'm sure somewhere... Do you have any wasted talents? Animal knowledge and compassion, probably... I know I could make a fantastic rehabilitator for animals, among a plethora of other animal-related preservation and protection actions I could actively engage in. Well, I'm going back to school for zoology, but even now, I want to do more. There is a wildlife rehab place I may be able to volunteer at soon, tho! Mom's talking to a guy at work about me helping there. DAMN, livin a dream. Do you let the little things get to you? The issue could be as small as a single cell and it could still bother me. How often do you cry? Maybe once in a week, possibly longer. I don't know if you mean like really cry or just tear up/lightly cry. The latter is pretty common, but the other, not so much. Even if I want to cry, my jaw just entirely locks the hell up and I physically can't get it out. Is there anything you’re trying to prevent? I mean besides the common sense things everyone takes action to avoid, hm. I feel like there's so much, yet nothing is coming to me? Well, actually, it's usually a daily struggle to prevent at least one OCD cycle. When was the last time you were told you were cute? *shrug* When was the last time you were truly, completely happy with your life? It's been quite a while... At least over a year ago, when I began to get antsy with wanting a job and later going back to school. It just all started when I realized I was healed from the breakup and ready to move forward in life, but I wasn't. Do you miss the way things used to be between you and someone else? Multiple people. What colors has your hair been? Dirty blonde, brown, red, and purple. I've had red and purple highlights, and I naturally have blondish ones, too. I'm ready to dye it again, jfc. Most attempts are failures because my hair does NOT take color well whatsoever. It's only ever worked perfectly with the brand Splat, and my hair soaked in the dye for a LONG time before washing it out. Have you ever gotten burnt by a cigarette? No. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? We share interest in plenty of the same bands, Mom especially. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? No. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? MY LITTLE SISTER. Haven't seen the woman in three years, but I can promise you Jason's mom still has it to a legendary degree. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I haven't looked for shoes in so long that I don't even know the average price. What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? Honey Nut Cheerios, normal Cheerios I think, and we have a little bit of the chocolate chunk Special K cereal left over. It's got to be stale by now (it's not even closed fully); I need to remember to toss it. What’s the last thing you spent over $10 on? Ummm I'm not sure. Over $30? I think my tongue piercing was $40? Maybe even lower? Or slightly higher?? I don't remember. Do you know who lives three houses down from you? I think so. The one time I was locked out of my house in the snow with Teddy and I waited like a fucking hour until I broke down, absolutely freezing (I was in my pajamas, dude), and walked down the road to try and get help (I needed to call my mom, obviously, and I didn't have my phone), I believe it was the third neighbor who answered. Turned out being a retired deputy who was super intimidating yet kind at the same time; he let Teddy and me stay in his house (mind you, Teddy is incontinent and didn't have his diaper on, which I warned him about) while Mom was on her way home. He gave me a jacket and some water, even when I said I was fine, but you could tell he wasn't totally sure about trusting this random, sobbing girl at his door because he asked me a thousand questions about my story and quizzed if I really did live in this area. Obviously a good cop, but after a day like that, I was just terrified of an old man who appeared a bit gruff. But thankfully Mom got there to save the day and I am forever grateful for that guy. WOW what a story for a simple question. Is there a bulletin board in your room? No. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? "Health freak" seems a bit extreme for both of them, but Mom is more concerned about health in general. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? We just have tortilla chips, I think. I try to keep snacks out of the house to avoid temptation, and who eats plain tortilla chips. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Mom's. What’s the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? Most would probably notice my Nightmare Before Christmas poster first, being as big as it is and on the wall opposite the entrance. Do you prefer the truth, even if it’s harsh? YES. I NEED to know this kinda stuff, even if the truth is really hard to hear. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I don't think so. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? I think I did when my very first band teacher did. EVERYONE loved him. Like, the entire school. Does your kitchen look like it was designed in a completely different decade? No? When’s the last time you wore heels? Great question. Probably not since my sister's wedding in '16. Do you have your mom’s or dad’s eyes? My grampa's on Mom's side. What’s the best date movie? Probably a rom com? Have your parents ever been out of the country? No. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? Zero. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I'll swear under my breath or seethe in frustration, but I never yell. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? No. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Whenever she starts dating a guy, she dips, and whenever/if ever we talk, she rambles absolutely endlessly about him. Do you know anyone who has grossly skinny eyebrows? I couldn't possibly care less about how your eyebrows look. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman and Bentley sure do. Bentley is a Professional Fly Moncher, specifically. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? Uhhh good question. Probs the night before Sara got here for my b-day. What is your mom’s favorite movie? Hm, good question! I'd ask her, but I don't want her to ask me why I am lmao. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Probably none. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? No. I don't remember what I thought, but I know it wasn't that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? No, I think? Well Dad gives my sisters and me way too much money for Christmas and always tells us to ask him if we need anything, but I pretty much never ask him for said things, so I don't know the extent he'd go. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Pretty much. Is the last person you spoke to in love? That's my mom, so I doubt that with all I know. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? I don't believe so. What was the last movie to make you cry? I think the last was Coco. Moana may have made me tear up, but I can't remember... Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? Not to my memory. What time do you usually go to sleep at sleepovers, if ever? I haven't been to a sleepover in God knows how long. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Alice Liddell. Who are the last people you saw kiss? Via YouTube, Jeffree and his boyfriend. Irl, I don't know. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Who’s the bride/groom? Not very much. Like I've had brief daydreams about it, sure, but it's not something that's on my mind a lot. Still got a long time before that happens. What was the last unpleasant thing to wake you up? My cat not knowing how to keep his mouth shut. Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. Well, it depends; stars if we're in a completely isolated area where you can see them crystal clear or the clouds are boring, but otherwise, clouds if their design and colors are cool. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? No. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? My mom, no questions asked. When’s the last time you broke plans? Why? I wasn't feeling well. I was supposed to see my VR coach that day. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Yes, my sister's. I was a bridesmaid. It was an absolutely awful experience because I was hot as fuck, it was triggering as HELL with me still grieving Jason, and I felt positively hideous in a dress when I was at such a horrible weight. I wish so dearly I could redo that day; I fell like I put a serious damper on my sister's big day. Would you feel safer with an alarm system or security cameras? Hm, depends on the scenario... I guess an alarm system? Like security cameras will show a murderer climbing through my window, but they're not gonna wake me up to save my ass. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? So long it smells nice, isn't watery, and doesn't only add oil to my hair, I don't care much. Has a stray dog ever tried to bite you? No. When riding a bus, do you prefer to sit in front, in the back, or in the middle? Hm... idk. When I took the bus home with Jason, we always sat in the back, and that's really the only time I took a bus regularly. I think otherwise, I'd prefer the middle, closer to the front? I think I usually did that on occasions like band competitions and such. Have you ever been on a cross-country train ride? No. Are you normally a person to tell people off? No, that's rare. Is there any TV show that ended that you wish hadn’t? Meerkat Manor. Though I would hope they'd lessen down on the false story-telling. Stick to the true KMP events. When you feel stressed, do you take things out on the wrong people? Sometimes. Do you even wear any jeans other than skinny anymore? I don't wear jeans period. What did you talk about at lunch today with your friends? N/A Are you sensitive to caffeine? Definitely not. My system's too used to it, probably. How do you usually get around? Mom drives me. I'm 23. :^) Which languages do you wish you could speak fluently in? German. Have you ever been accused of being too clingy? SURPRISINGLY no, at least to my memory. Do you like Vitamin Water? Never tried, don't want to. What was the last thing you took a picture of? Dad and me on his birthday. Do you know anyone that uses Sprint as their phone carrier? Idk. Well, I think. When you go to McDonalds, what drink do you usually get? Coke. Do you have a Kindle or iPad or neither? Neither. Would you rather read or write? Write. When was the last time someone took a picture of you? Sometime during Bobby's visit literally days ago. I already forgot who took it... and who else was in it lmao. Do you own a pair of slippers? Yeah, two. A meerkat pair and then a far less extra pair that're closer to socks. I think they have cats on them? I got them for Christmas I think and haven't worn or seen them much. Would you rather see Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood in concert? Not a fan of either, but Carrie Underwood is more tolerable and even has a couple songs I enjoy. Name something negative that you hate about yourself: I'll jump to a conclusion within .02 seconds of something negative happening. Or not even "negative" or something that's purely in my head. Is your house currently hot, cold or just right? The house itself is fine, and my room is just right because I have my fan on. Is there a Dead End road near where you live? I can't think of one off the top of my head, but it's likely, really. There's lots of those here. Growing up, did you see your cousins often? No. We live many states away on both parents' sides. Where was your first job at? GameStop. Who are you tired of seeing in the news a lot? (Celebrities) It's been like two days and I'm over seeing the James Charles/Tati drama everywhere. You can't be interested in the YouTube community without being drowned in that shit right now somehow someway on any YT-coverage page and YouTube itself. Have you ever had to call and complain about a product you bought? I personally haven't. Would you date someone who’s shorter than you? I very openly and severely judge you if fucking height means that much to you. Do you mind being the third wheel? Not really, no. I'd only feel uncomfortable if they were getting pretty intimate. Has a kiss ever made you weak in the knees? Um I didn't know that was actually a thing so no. Do you feel comfortable buying condoms? Never been in that position. Have you ever dated two people at once? No. Have you ever been tested for STDs? No. Well wait, that time I gave blood I probably was just out of safety protocol. Have you ever run into your ex with his/her new sweetie? No. Have you ever felt guilty after doing something sexual? When I was in that "wait does this break the abstinence rule" phase, yeah. God was I technical. Have you ever had a condom break during sex? N/A Do your parents know if you’re having sex? Well considering I'm with a girl and she lives states away, that answer's obvious. Do you eat chips or crackers more? Chips. Would you rather be a singer or a dancer? A dancer. Would you rather be a musician or a painter? A painter, maybe? If I could play the electric guitar, though... idk. What social media sites do you visit the most? Facebook. What did you hair look like in high school? Long, thick as fuck, brown (or dyed black) with some sort of highlight, and it was split to the left with the hair swooped over my right eye. Basically "I want the emo swoop but my hair is too fucking thick to obey hairspray." :^) Which dollar store do you shop at? Depends on what's closest, usually. We rarely ever stop at one unless it's for candy to bring into the movie theater, seriously lol. I think usually Dollar General? Do you prefer candy corn or conversation hearts? WE DON'T KNOW EITHER. Skeletons or scarecrows? s k e l l y b o y s Has anyone ever given you the silent treatment? Yep. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever had in your mouth? I learned on that day I hate giving blowjobs. Has anyone ever threatened you with a knife? No, thankfully. (If you’re a girl) Has anyone ever called you ‘shortie’ instead of girl? BOY I would fucking cackle. I hate that word. No. Do you ever watch The Simpsons? No. Have you ever sent an embarrassing moment of yours into a mag to be printed? OH MY GOD I remember that!!! But no. What IS your most embarrassing moment? Too lazy to go through the novel of 'em to pick the worst. Do you think you’re more cute or sexy? You assume I find myself either. Do you own any mini skirts? I don't own any skirts period. Do you draw little hearts and stuff with eyeliner next to your eyes? No. What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever lost? Idk. Has your mom ever lied to you? I'm sure she has before. Do you have a deep voice? For a girl, yeah. When’s the last time someone made breakfast for you? *shrugs* Exclusively for me, probably never. Do you do something new with your hair practically every day? No, it's the same everyday. When someone knocks on the door, who do you think it is? Delivery guy. Has anyone ever licked your foot? Ew no. Do you play games with boys/girls, like ‘hard to get’? I'm not 15. Has a guy ever quoted a romantic Shakespeare line to you? No, and I'm glad, as I'd cringe into another realm. Is there a Sonic where you live? Yes, I LIVE- Do you smile with your teeth? Usually. I look less high, at least. What did you eat for lunch today? A pb&j. What do you like on your pizza? Pepperoni, jalapenos, or meat lovers. What is in the back seat of your car right now? I don't own a personal car. Mom has a a load of stuff in the back of hers, at least I think... That's super rare, but she's been so ungodly busy idk if she's had time to clean it out. I haven't paid attention so can't recall. What was the last thing you threw up? Idr. Menthol or regular cigarettes? I don't smoke and never have, so idk. What is your favorite episode of Friends? I don't watch it, and I haven't seen many episodes at all if for whatever reason I was in a room and it was on. Does anyone have any blackmail on you? No. Have you been to a strip club? No. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Hell if I remember. It had to either be my 16th birthday when Jason's family was all together watching the Super Bowl, or a hockey game with my dad. Last person’s house you were in? Besides my own, my sister's. Who is the last person you sent a message to on Facebook? Nicole. Ever go to camp? No. Were you an honor roll student in school? Yeah. Do you have a tan? HA no. How old do you want to be when you have kids? I don't want kids. Are you someone’s best friend? Yeah. Favorite gemstone? Dragon's breath opal. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru, almost always. Does your first memory involve your dad? No. When was the last time you went swimming? Last summer at the beach. Holy fuck the water was so perfect. Has your luggage ever gotten lost? No. Have you ever thought it would be cool to smash a guitar? No. Like... just why. Do you ever get flu shots? No.

#survey #quiz #questions #random

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shadowtearling · 6 years

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A Thousand Beginnings and Endings edited by Ellen Oh & Elsie Chapman

Details

Goodreads Rating: 3.91 Genre: YA Anthology (mix of contemporary, sci-fi, fantasy) Publisher: Greenwillow Books Published: June 26, 2018

Summary

Star-crossed lovers, meddling immortals, feigned identities, battles of wits, and dire warnings. These are the stuff of fairy tale, myth, and folklore that have drawn us in for centuries. Fifteen bestselling and acclaimed authors reimagine the folklore and mythology of East and South Asia in short stories that are by turns enchanting, heartbreaking, romantic, and passionate. Compiled by We Need Diverse Books’s Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman, the authors included in this exquisite collection are: Renee Ahdieh, Sona Charaipotra, Preeti Chhibber, Roshani Chokshi, Aliette de Bodard, Melissa de la Cruz, Julie Kagawa, Rahul Kanakia, Lori M. Lee, E. C. Myers, Cindy Pon, Aisha Saeed, Shveta Thakrar, and Alyssa Wong. A mountain loses her heart. Two sisters transform into birds to escape captivity. A young man learns the true meaning of sacrifice. A young woman takes up her mother’s mantle and leads the dead to their final resting place. From fantasy to science fiction to contemporary, from romance to tales of revenge, these stories will beguile readers from start to finish. For fans of Neil Gaiman’s Unnatural Creatures and Ameriie’s New York Times–bestselling Because You Love to Hate Me.

My Thoughts

I was really excited to get my hands on this because I am in desperate need of representation, and then I found out there are two Filipino stories I just about died. Finally! Finally something for me! My culture, as unorganized as it is, is rich with many folktales from creation myths to terrifying creatures of the night. Then I deflated after reading them. Roshani Chokshi’s “Forbidden Fruit” was the better of the two, with her whimsical, flowery writing style perfectly suited to the story of Maria Makiling. The story felt like it was Maria herself, light on her feet and softly treading on mountainside grass. It was objectively well written, but I felt like something was missing. Maybe that’s me expecting more from it, but it wasn’t quite what I needed. Melissa de la Cruz’s “Code of Honor” was, to me, downright offensive. It tells the story of a “manananggal,” which she calls “aswang,” whose mother died thereby making it necessary for her to flee. De la Cruz’s writing is clunky at best, full of telling rather than showing. What particularly irked me was how the main character constantly reassured herself that coming back home to the Philippines was a mistake, that she didn’t belong there, only to find that she truly had a family among white vampires in NYC. It was frustrating because it reinforced the already popular notion that in order to belong, one must leave the Philippines. I also just hated how often the reader has to be reminded that the main character was a vampire. We get it. You’re “bad” for wanting blood. Please stop.

As for the other stories, it was a mix varying from really wonderful to Bad.

“The Crimson Cloak” by Cindy Pon is by far my favorite, the narrator of the story emulating Jane Eyre by addressing the reader during crucial parts to set the record straight. I love the main character’s stubbornness and playful nature, and her story felt almost as though it were the original fairy tale.

Alyssa Wong’s “Olivia’s Table” was delightful in exploring The Hungry Ghost Festival and serving the readers a sampling of some delicious-sounding food! It has a good balance of flashbacks and current events, and it’s overall a well-rounded story.

“Still Star-Crossed” by Sona Charaipotra was frustrating because it might have been interesting had it been done better. As it stands, it only felt like the first chapter in a longer work because it was all set up and no pay off. Nothing actually happens except for the love interest showing stalker behavior, despite the main character showing visible signs of discomfort (aka literally running away). It was incomplete and not fully rounded as a short story. (And the first person POV with really flowery writing do Not mix).

“Spear Carrier” by Rahul Kanakia, about a kid who finds himself in the middle of a war because he wished to be a hero, was exhausting. It was full of lamentations of finding meaning in life, and it kept telling the reader “Look at me! I think a lot! I’m a deep guy!,” which got so tired after the first time. And the result? Nothing interesting. Just the main character being a “coward.” This was not worth the short time it took for me to read it.

Story Ranking (best to worst)

“The Crimson Cloak” by Cindy Pon

“Olivia’s Table” by Alyssa Wong

“The Land of the Morning Calm” by E.C. Meyers - I love the video game aspect that mixes with a ghost story!

“Daughter of the Sun” by Shveta Thakrar - Very whimsical and lovely, but sometimes the flowery writing got distracting. I liked the mashup of different myths.

“Forbidden Fruit” by Roshani Chokshi

“Nothing Into All” by Reneé Ahdieh - I like Ahdieh’s writing a lot, and this read kind of like one of those Pixar short films. I wish there were consequences for the brother’s actions, though.

“Eyes Like Candlelight” by Julie Kagawa - The first part was paced well, and once we get to the ending, it felt almost rushed in concluding it with little explanation. Still good, though.

“Bullet, Butterfly” by Elsie Chapman - This was interesting, but it would be better as a longer work so there isn’t insta-love and the world building can be done better.

“The Counting of Vermillion Beads” by Aliette De Boddard - I feel like this story was told through a foggy mist, like it’s the sky: there but untouchable. I can’t tell if that’s good or bad.

“The Smile” by Aisha Saeed - I like that this tackled the idea that master/servant romance as Not Good and gave the main character the power to choose for herself. I still take issue with flowery writing in first person POV and the phrase “hugged my curves.”

“Girls Who Twirl and Other Dangers” by Preeti Chhibber - There were two stories in this, a reiteration (kinda) of the original myth and the actual retelling. I liked the the myth of Mā Durgā and Mahishāsur better than the contemporary story.

“Steel Skin” by Lori M. Lee - It could have worked were it more developed. Needed another round of editing.

“Still Star-Crossed” by Sona Charaipotra

“Spear Carrier” by Rahul Kanakia

“Code of Honor” by Melissa de la Cruz - save yourselves

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noiseartists · 6 years

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Italian Shoegaze and Dream Pop quick guide, Vol. 1

This time we'd like to introduce you to the Italian multi-colored panorama with a selection of recommended bands orbiting the shoegaze planet. Better known for its classical music tradition, nowadays Italy holds surprises for noise lovers. Shoegaze, dream pop and noise pop are no longer sort of 90s memorabilia nor rare birds here: with Slowdive, MBV and Ride reuniting in recent years Italian tour dates were always included. And while this resulted in increased fan bases and attention from independent media - with new specialized webzines and web radios coming to light, the truth is Italy has been speaking the language of loud guitars and bleached vocals for some time now. While in the last decade a few notable veterans have already been making their way in the alternative world, especially over the border, newbies have come to light and settled a real Italogaze scene.

For both, the drive to fit in the international music scene means staying unique, contemporary and somehow having sharp, recognizable roots at the same time. Drawing inspiration from different genres such as new wave, psych, electronic, grunge, each artist tends to blend their common ground - shoegaze classics and noise essentials - with original tastes.

What they all share is the need to communicate (with no actual words, like any shoegaze singer would) at high volumes, both vertically and horizontally. That is, the listener might find an emotional connection with an ambiguous time-line that ranges from vintage sound scapes to modern arrangements, or he could even find himself in another place.

Lost in a metaphysical space, you can't just tell if you're floating under the surface of a rough sea, if you just ended up in a desolate valley with no-one but a cello, if you're looking for your answers in a remote galaxy or maybe you just got caught in a powerful, colourful vortex. Either way, you'd probably forget to be in your room and, we're sure, never guess to be under the warm sun of Italy.

You might have already taken a look at our articles on the talented Clustersun and Stella Diana, now let’s continue our journey with a short overview of recommended Italogaze bands. More bands and more steps in this sonic trip are coming soon!

STELLA DIANA

Arguably one of the most long-lived bands in the Italian shoegaze scene, Stella Diana is a multifaceted project founded in 1998 by guitarist Dario Torre, who has been making a big name for himself in Italogaze and international alternative circles as a gifted composer as well as an enthusiastic supporter of shoegaze and alternative genres made in Italy.

Along with his musical career he currently runs the web radio Shoegazin’ your waves, through which he is promoting popular and emerging Italian artists.

Stella Diana has released 5 albums in total showing dramatical changes in terms of line-up, sound shaping, inspirations and even lyrics language.

Their early works were characterised by sharp compositions, echoing vocals and a post-punk texture of sound and song structures. The very choice of Italian language was not obstructive, as is shown by a long-time fan base from all over the world.

Actually the band collected hundreds of European tour dates, which has made them better known abroad than in their homeland.

However, 2015 was the turning point in Stella Diana’s history. Their fifth release, titled Nitocris and produced by renowned sound-engineer Marc Joy, marked a decisive shift towards modern shoegaze tones. Thanks to its richness obtained by skilfully combining walls of sound with dark moods, the album has been widely acclaimed.

Stella Diana’s upcoming work will be titled 57, due out May 25. Its launching single Der Sandmann suggests new patterns and evolution: it is a dreamy, minimalist track featuring a cello that evokes a sense of isolation.

Despite such variety, what has been unchanged throughout Stella Diana discography insofar is an obvious passion for 80s and 90s sounds, their taste in creating melodies, hazy atmospheres and hypnotic bass and drums.

Take your time to read our interview and in-depth collaboration with the band to learn more about them.

Stella Diana’s line-up is:

Dario Torre - vocals & guitar

Giacomo Salzano - bass

Giulio Grasso - drums

Stella Diana’s music work is:

Supporto colore, album, released 2007

Gemini, album, released 2011

41 61 93, album, released February 2014

Alhena, EP, released December 2015

Nitocris, album, released April 2016

Non-original, yet great material include:

Leave them all behind (Ride cover), digital single, from VA - Leave Them All Behind - A Tribute To Ride, released March 16, 2015 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself Records

Lazarus (Boo Radleys cover), digital single, from VA - We Are All BOO´s, released April 14, 2016 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself Records

Mild Confusion (Tamaryn acoustic cover), digital single, released April 2017

Nothing Natural (Lush cover), digital single, from VA - Lovelife, A Homage To Lush, released March 1, 2018 by The Blog That Celebrates Itself

HUMAN COLONIES

Blurred dreamy cloudy fuzzy something, and that’s all. Despite such a brief self-introduction on social media, it seems that a little more has been written on Human Colonies since their debut in 2013.

With their last release, Midnight screamer, the band has gained popularity and after some premieres circulating on webzines and specialized blogs, the album has been welcomed by Rolling Stone Italia as a groovy-yet-shoegazey job well done.

Human Colonies music is all about directness and simplicity, tons of fuzz, gentle vocals and a powerful rythmic section. Their favourite artists include Dinosaur Jr., My Bloody Valentine, The Pixies, And you will know us by the trail of dead, Melvins, Sparklehorse.

Their sound is constantly moving through noise, dream pop, psychedelic, all mixed with a genuine lo-fi / punk attitude.

Human Colonies are currently touring Italy, if you happen to be around we recommend you not to miss one of their energetic gigs.

If you’re curious about the history behind this shy and bubbly power trio, we invite you to read more on our dedicated article coming soon.

Human Colonies’ line-up is:

Giuseppe Mazzoni - guitar, vocals

Sara Telesca - bass, backing vocals

Riccardo Cotti - drums and percussions

Human Colonies’ music work is:

Demo/EP, demo, released August 2013

Calvary, album, released 2015

Big Domino Vortex, EP, released January 2017

Midnight Screamer, album, released April 2018

Non-original, yet great material include:

Breather (Chapterhouse cover), single, released March 2016. The song is off Treasures, A Tribute to Chapterhouse, a compilation of tracks by various artists appearing on The Blog that Celebrates Itself

Porcelain (Ulrika Spacek cover), single, released July 2017. The track is included in La Femme Noir, A Tribute Compilation to Zanne 2017.

REV REV REV

Rev Rev Rev is an outstanding example of Italogaze bands that have become famous internationally. Since 2013 they have been touring across continental Europe and UK, as we can read in their detailed self-introduction on the web.

In their own words, Rev Rev Rev’s sound is influenced by first-wave shoegaze, as well as psychedelic rock, re-metabolizing these elements into a loud, woozy, fuzz-driven context. Their live sets comprise kaleidoscopic video projections waving with music, and the use of self-constructed stomp boxes, producing weird sounds.

Positive feedback so far include national and international recognition from national and international press and web zines (Clash music, Sounds better with reverb, Drowned in sound). Various singles were included in shoegaze compilations and sometimes crossed the border of alternative circles – notably, their 2014 song “Catching a buzz” was featured on Steve Lamacq's show on BBC 6 Radio.

The band took part in important events such as Cosmosis Festival 2016 in Manchester (headlined by The Jesus and Mary Chain, Brian Jonestown Massacre, The Raveonettes, just to name a few), followed by a nearly one-year tour of Europe.

The latter was a promotional tour for their last album, titled Des fleurs magiques bourdonnaient, a mesmerising work in which classical dreamy atmospheres blend with echoes of 70s psychedelia, desert rock and noise.

Rev Rev Rev’s line-up is:

Laura Iacuzio – vocals, bass, guitar

Sebastian Lugli – guitar

Andrea Dall'Omo – bass

Greta Benatti – drums

Rev Rev Rev’s music work is:

Rev Rev Rev, album, released October 2013

Catching a buzz, digital single EP, released October 2014

Des fleurs magiques bourdonnaient, album, released February 2016. The album went shortly sold-out and a repress was released in July.

Non-original, yet great material include:

Polar bear (Ride cover), released March 2015. The song is included in the tribute compilation to Ride Leave them all behind, appearing on The Blog That Blog That Celebrates Itself

TIGER! SHIT! TIGER! TIGER!

Punk-ish vocal melodies, guitars playing loud and straight, catchy rhythms: you can meet this power trio halfway between central Italy and USA.

Since their foundation in 2007 Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! has racked up hundreds of live dates in and out of Italy, bringing along their mighty sound.

USA has in fact become a second home-country as the band showcased its sharp first album (titled Be Yr Own Shit) in several successful performances overseas. They participated in New York CMJ Festival in 2008 and 2009, then reached Austin to take part in famous South By Southwest (SXSW) Festival (2010-2011).

Critical and public acclaim was so great that two tracks have been featured in Anglo-American movie soundtracks.

While TSTT have obviously lived and breathed American indie rock, noise and post-punk legends (Sonic Youth, Fugazi, Dinosaur jr., Sebadoh, Eric's Trip, Built to Spill, Modest Mouse, Pavement, Polvo, No Age, Thee Oh Sees are all quoted as their faves), an evolution in sound and arrangements can be seen in their last releases. Although their rebel heart has been kept, Forever Young and later Corners display slightly different sensibility, various approaches to song structure and a refined attitude towards harmony and vocals that won’t disappoint old and new noisy fans.

Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! line-up is:

Diego Masciotti - guitar, vocals

Giovanna Vedovati - bass

Nicola Vedovati - drums

Tiger! Shit! Tiger! Tiger! music work is:

Be Yr Own Shit, album, released 2008. The song The Architects of Despaired has been featured in Lee Madsen’s “Hated” OST (2010)

Whispers, EP, released 2010. The title-track is included in Richard Naylon’s “Music Land World” OST (2013)

Forever Young, album, released 2013

Corners, album, released 2017

MY INVISIBLE FRIEND

On the dreamy side of Italogaze we find this promising band formed in 2014 by four guys who grew up with Spiritualized, My Bloody Valentine and Cocteau Twins.

Started off with quite psychedelic, round, dark atmospheres, in 2016 My Invisible Friend have been shifting into a more mellow, classical dream pop attitude while maintaining their beloved psych-vibes alive.

As a result, their last release is nothing short of an elegant ode to entrancing sounds – that means fuzzy bass lines, liquid, bite guitar tones and a female/male voice taking us on a cathartic trip to harmony.

After touring Italy and France, in September 2017 the band left a cryptic message on their Facebook page. Their future is unclear, as we understand. We just hope this won’t mean a split – Italogaze needs more of their livid colours and dreaming voice.

My Invisible Friend’s line-up is:

Annalisa Rizzardi - bass, vocals

Cristian Macchia - guitars, vocals

Joe - guitars, vocals

Valentina Baldrighi - drums

My Invisible Friend’s music work is:

S/T EP, released September 2016

Green Sight, digital single, released 2015

My Invisible Friend, EP, released 2015

ELECTRIC FLOOR

Electric Floor is an Italian duo formed in 2013. After experimenting with different alt-rock genres, the band settled as a shoegaze/new-synthwave project.

Their EP Fader is highly recommended to those who are longing for 80s tones and moods. With upfront dramatic voice, dance-y rhythm section and tons of dark synths, it clearly shows the duo’s love for new wave and electronic classics – both vintage and modern.

At the same time, however, typical distortion and reverb make the guitar sound closer to post-punk and shoegaze, creating a particular feature.

Actually for a year now Electric Floor’s release has been going well within the Italogaze world, as it received positive feedback from national and international reviewers, singles were featured in compilations and broadcast by various web radios.

The duo has recently launched their new single "I made it up" (out May 2018), which confirms their post-punk attitude to song-crafting combined with a deep interest in dance beats and atmospheres.

Electric Floor’s line-up is:

Emanuele Chiarelli – vocals, guitars, programming

Simone Costantino De Luca – programming, synth

Their music work is:

Fader, EP, released March 2017

I made it up, digital single, included in Chiaroscuro. Italogaze 2018, a compilation by various artists released May 2018 on Seashell Records and Vipchoyo Sound Factory.

OUTRO

We hope you enjoyed this first volume of our quick guide to Italogaze. Look at the blog for the next ones.

#italogaze #Shoegaze #Dream pop #Guide

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