#could also definitely be that I wanna be a relationship & sex therapist... I love how people interact when they’re intimate | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theclosetisglassyouqueer · 1 year

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I need to get this out 🫶

(you're really just a third party listening)

(pretend you're my therapist)

So I've resonated with some aspec things but also not felt like I'm on the a spectrum.

WARNING

Trauma, mentions of sexual harassment, definitions, run-on sentences, opinions, and trauma dumping, (is it sharing my story or am I just trauma dumping on the people who might read this?)

...

(I know these are not definitive and having or not having these does not constitute asexuality, nor anything on the aspectrum, and that these vary and don't necessarily determine nor undermine the validity among the people on the aspectrum.

These experiences and events have it so as these make my feelings as to being asexual unlikely and that I'm not.

The same applies to the aromantic, or any other parts.)

Like I'm not asexual I want sex, I have a high libido, I get horny, I've masturbated more than I believe is common for my agab, and I've never had sex so I can't really say, right, and that unpleasant sexual harassment didn't change much in me, I just want VERY consensual sex.

But I don't think I feel sexual attraction like everyone else, like people have described theirs, i don't just see someone and think I wanna fuck them. I see someone in public and I wanna be someone special in their life not just date them, like I feel like it seems like I'm saying when I mention it

I'm not aromantic, for example, I'm SOO desperately lost as a hopless romantic, I WANT LOVE I want to share secrets to understand someone and be understood, almost every social media account I have has a saved folder with a heart or the word love (with the plans of showing anyone who's fallen in love with me, when I needed to give myself a reason yk.)

But I've never felt something I'd label romantic attraction, I chose my first crush (hehe he still wears Remus sweaters like everywhere, aesthetic) maybe it's only recent that I've realized I could feel something for people now(religious trauma) (can't date till you're 40 jokes) that I could get in a relationship with someone. And maybe it's the overuse of the word love in everyday language, but I don't really feel anything when someone says "I love you" to me, I say it back, but there's no deep feeling put into it. We've said it in tears knowing we won't see each other physically for years and I know I'll miss them, and I cry and there's a feeling there but I don't feel for it long, but there's no existential pain in knowing. Maybe I've just stuffed all feelings down for so long and maybe I don't know how to not do it and maybe I'm numb about it because I've already stuffed any feelings down subconsciously.

But maybe someone special will show up in my life maybe they'll be a certain gender that assures me in my sexual attraction maybe they'll make me feel something so I know love exists and romance is possible, and we can do everything together, sex and cuddles in the sun and sharing and enjoying each others interests together and seperate but close, but that means there has to be another person.

But oh platonic love!!!!🥰🥰❤ it's not romantic and it's oh being ever so close to someone but without the expectations of a romantic relationship. It's truly pure love it's a 🥰 but not 😍 and without the expectations of 😘

But I've never been very good at having friends, close friends or even just acquaintances, they've always petered out after some time and practically non existent after a week or two if it's online not almost daily, like living together is what it would take, almost. (Hey bestie who's my sister who doesn't have Tumblr and will probably never see this lol) and even relationships with grandparents and extended family members who don't live close, and we don't spend constant or regular-ish time conversing or spending with each other, are nearly nonexistent if we're not together and spending time juntos.

So maybe it's my trauma or mental illness (pretty sure I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, and the like but I've never been diagnosed so...🤷‍♂️) and I truly don't know how to have and keep up a relationship, or maybe it's because every relationship I've ever had, sexual or romantic or platonic, has not been balanced ⚖️ probably very one-sided without either of us consciously knowing.

ANYWAY

I found the term "alterous attraction" about 2-3 hours ago:

"Alterous attraction is a type of attraction that is not entirely/neither romantic or platonic. It’s seeing someone and immediately going “I must become very close to them” but like. Not in a romantic way. By nature, it’s meant to be nebulous so for some people it might feel closer to romantic attraction while for others it might be closer to platonic."

I feel closer with this description and phrasing than to those of love and attraction (and trust me, I've read many of those. We're you aware that the ancient Greeks had seven to nine words for love each with different descriptions and definitions?) It's the same comfort as I felt with the label pangender, nebulous, I don't have to decide which gender I am, male, female, non binary, it's nebulous and I can be all or some without distinction. Without distinction, is what I feel sexual, am I fetishizing? Is what I feel romantic, is this what love feels like? Is it platonic, intimate and affectionate but not sexual?

"Alterous attraction is the desire to be emotionally close to someone. it’s not romantic attraction but it’s also not quite platonic, so it’s a “weird” gray area that some identify as being between the two or just completely different. alterous attraction can also be used to describe attraction that is confusing, can’t be determined by the person experiencing it, or can’t be labeled/described by typical or amatonormative terms. hope this helps!"

"A weird gray area... as being between the two or just completely different." Describes my identity, my past, my life, and my literal existence. Lol (but a semi-serious lol)

There's truly no need to specify. Nebulous and no need for distinction it can be romantic and platonic, either or neither, or somewhere in between.

"Alterous attraction is liking the idea of romance, hearing what a qpr is, and having a crisis because you thought that’s what romance was."

Honestly I just WANNA be close with someone and I don't know if that's trauma or I'm just very touch deprived. Which I am/have both to an EXTREME extent

Feeling alterous attraction doesn't have to make me identify on the aspectrum.

I am valid in identifying that I feel alterous attraction while also not identifying as being on the aspectrum.

Tldr: I trauma dump and realize the attraction I feel can be accurately labeled as as alterous attraction 🫶

#alterous attraction #a spectrum #ace spec #ace spectrum #aromantic #aromatic #i crave validation #trauma #trauma dump #gaylife #lgbtqi community #update #pangender #distinction

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selinakidreams · 3 years

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you know what? i love hearing about other people's self ships/oc ships. i really love seeing it on my dash :)

ME TOO!! I love when people write about how much they love a character/ what they see each other doing. It comes from a place of comfort & just pure joy- and that makes me happy.

like fuckin GO OFF! tell me about you guys & your relationship!

#fawn talks <3 #SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK wolfygirl1900 !#and that shit is SO wholesome ! regardless if it’s a lil freaky ;)#could also definitely be that I wanna be a relationship & sex therapist... I love how people interact when they’re intimate #relationship dynamics make my brain work #DAMN I love it #maybe I’m nosy too idk probably

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tennessoui · 2 years

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HAHAHA ok I’m loving your couples counseling au but I need to know!!!! Does the therapist ever learn that they weren’t actually together at the beginning?? If so, how??

omg the drama i feel like she has to but it's either at the very end of their couples counseling when they walk into her office like naughty school kids, holding hands and scuffing their feet and are like 'actually um....we have something we need to tell you.....'

OR it's super super messy

where obi-wan and anakin have definitely made out/accidentally had sex last night and they have their couples counseling session the morning after but everything is TEN TIMES WORSE because they just had sex!!! and that was never one of the counselor's homework activities!! SEX!! anakin is still technically married to someone else even though theyre getting a divorce!! obi-wan must have been anakin's rebound! no, obi-wan must have been feeling pity for anakin and humoring him!!!

so they last half the session before the therapist is like '....alright guys....these vibes....absolutely rancid. anyone wanna go first with the talking stick?'

and both of them just jump to their feet because they've let the bad feelings intensify and consume them for hours now and so they're like 'he KISSED ME but he DOESN'T LOVE ME' 'HOW DO YOU KNOW I DON'T LOVE YOU YOU WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE LOVE IF IT SMELLED LIKE A BANTHA AND MOVED IN WITH YOU' 'YOU HAVE HAVE A WIFE THATS HOW I KNOW' 'IM GETTING DIVORCED SO I CAN HAVE YOU' 'YOU CAN'T JUST TRADE PEOPLE ANAKIN THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS' 'WHY WOULD YOU KISS ME BACK IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME' 'I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU I JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT OUR FIRST KISS WOULD NOT BE ON THE KITCHEN FLOOR' 'YOU DIDN'T LIKE OUR FIRST KISS???' 'I DISLIKE KNOWING IT MAY BE OUR LAST' 'THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT I NEVER WOULD HAVE EVEN REALIZED I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU IF YOU HADN'T INSISTED ON CONTINUING TO LIE TO THE COUNSELOR ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP' 'YOU WERE THE ONE WHO FOUND THIS COUNSELOR I WAS FINE NEVER REALIZING I LOVED YOU TO--wait you love me?' 'of course i love you, force how could i not be in love with you after all of this? from the beginning.'

the counselor is like 'i feel like we just worked through so much thats amazing guys good work but also what the fuck?'

#asks #couples counseling au #they're Trying #honest communication after sex is hard if you dont know how the other person is feeling but youre feeling a lot

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asset35-maya · 3 years

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REED900 LOVE LANGUAGES:

1) ACTS OF SERVICE

Gavin Reed was a simple man. He always said and did what he thought was right. He never bothered with niceties and took a very practical approach to the relationships in his life. No frills, no fancy gestures.

He showed the people around him that he cared by just being there unconditionally. He was ride or die. If you ever needed him, personally or professionally, Gavin would show up. No questions asked.

Feelings were not matters he delved into very often. He kept them well hidden if he could help it. But the lack of expressiveness didn’t bother the people who dared to get close enough. They knew exactly who he was and they appreciated him deeply.

For years, this was the way things were.

And then Gavin met Nines.

For the first time, he felt a powerful, pressing need to externalise his emotions. Like he’d burst if he didn’t find some way of expressing the passion that threatened to consume him from within.

Gavin had never given into sentimentality before. He had never let himself dwell on romanticism. So at first, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

He definitely couldn’t talk about it (just thinking about it made him want to empty a bucket of ice water on his head). He considered writing (because his therapist told him that documenting mental journeys could be a helpful exercise), but he completely lacked the vocabulary (and just ended up sketching pair after pair of piercing blue eyes in his diary).

After a while, he decided to fall back on what he knew best… what he did best.

Gavin Reed was a man of action.

If someone was important to him, he made sure they damn well knew it.

So it came to be that Nines and Gavin’s paperwork was always done on time… that the office fridge was always replete with thirium packs… that Nines’ dry cleaning was always picked up for him and laid neatly on his chair (“The laundry’s two blocks from my place and two from here, Tincan. It’s not a big deal.”)

2)GIVING GIFTS

And then the boxes began to appear.

Cuff links. Cologne. Cravats.

(“I just saw it in the store window and had an impulse. It ain’t my style, but I know you can pull it off so here ya go.”)

And then flowers. Actual fucking flowers.

(“What? It brightens the place up.”)

Nines eventually took mercy on him and asked him out. The massive bouquet that greeted him the next day had all the receptionist androids gossiping for weeks. Things actually got a lot worse before Nines hacked into the bank and cancelled Gavin’s credit card.

(“Now how am I gonna show you how phcking special you are to me?”

“Just spend time with me, Gavin. That would mean the world.”)

3)QUALITY TIME

Gavin took it upon himself to share every facet of his life with the android. He couldn’t always figure out how to tell the different parts of his story, but he found ways to show it.

Gavin took Nines to his elementary school and showed him the yard he spent many happy hours playing cops and robbers. He took him to his childhood home… the Police Academy… the scenes of his first few homicide cases.

He also made sure Nines understood exactly what people meant when they said Gavin was the life of the party. Reliving the human’s youth, they crashed local frat parties and kissed in the middle of thronging music festival crowds.

4)PHYSICAL TOUCH

And then there was the sex.

What Gavin still did not know how to put into words, he demonstrated physically.

Regardless of which position they ended up in, Nines found himself mainly on the receiving end of pleasure. The kisses peppered onto his collarbone were nothing short of reverent. The tongue sliding against his nether regions… the hands gripping his hipbones… the soft caresses of his face… were all deliberate acts of devotion.

Gavin himself didn’t know he had it in him. For most of his teen and adult years, he had the reputation of being a selfish lover. Of always coming first, and then finding some half-assed way to get his partner off.

But with Nines,he was careful to a fault.

He treated each chance to touch the android as a special privilege. He was exceedingly generous… gentle… slow, even… until Nines made it loud and clear that his body was Gavin’s for the taking.

It wasn’t just in the bedroom that Gavin poured his heart into the sensation of touch. From a casual flick of fingers against Nines’ cheek… to a lingering hand on his thigh… and a rather lengthy good morning kiss in the break-room, Gavin became prone to PDA that he had spent most of his life judging others for.

He legitimately could not keep his hands off his partner. Even his colleagues’ eye rolls and teasing didn’t stop him. Not when Nines would immediately lean into his side and reciprocate.

The feeling of skin on skin, the warmth and weight of a strong hand… and in Nines’ case, the high quality tactile sensor data… were what kept them grounded and anchored.

5)WORDS OF AFFIRMATION

For an emotionally repressed man and an android without a built-in social program, they communicated pretty well.

The odd disagreement was unavoidable, but for the most part, they managed well. Neither was ever in doubt of how the other felt.

It had started small. With gratitude.

“Thanks for picking up my white shirt from the cleaners. You’re a lifesaver.”

“That smells amazing. How do you always know exactly what I want to eat.”

Then it moved onto deep compliments.

“That’s incredible. It wouldn’t have occurred to me at all. I’d be lost without you, Gavin.”

“You’re the first person I’ve met who doesn’t just nod and pretend like they understand what I’m saying. You never agree to something to just humour me or get me to shut up. Even if it doesn’t make sense in the beginning, you always get to the bottom of what I wanna say… and well damn… how’d I get so lucky, babe?”

The daily check ins… the thank yous… the random “you’re so phcking hot”… the “I’m listening”… all added up.

And when the time finally came…

one rainy Sunday afternoon in bed, with Nines sprawled across his chest while he ran his hands through his hair…

Gavin couldn’t remember why he’d ever struggled with the words.

“I love you.”

#reed900 #gavin900 #gavin x nines #gavin reed #rk900 #dbh rk900 #dbh nines #dbh #dbh fanfic #dbh writing #my writing #love languages

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btsqualityy · 4 years

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Scripted: Part 18

Namjoon x Reader; Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, President!Namjoon, Head of Security!Jimin

Warnings: (Reluctant) open relationship, mentions of cheating, unprotected sex, oral sex

One Month Later

“You’re gonna overexert yourself, you absolute idiot,” you chastised, making Namjoon chuckle as he turned around and slowly walked back over to his desk. Over the past month that had passed since the shooting, Namjoon had had another surgery on his chest to try and repair some of the damage that he sustained, and it turned out to be pretty successful. It lengthened his recovery time considerably, but you were just happy that he was conscious and alert again.

Within the past few days, Namjoon had decided that he finally felt well enough to go back down to the West Wing of the Blue House and start working again, but not without you going along with him most of the time to keep an watchful eye on him and his condition.

“I keep you telling you, I’m fine baby,” he assured you, plopping back down in his large desk chair and you couldn’t ignore the slightly labored breathing that filled the room.

“You know what the therapist said, no pet names,” you reminded him as you leaned against his desk, making him groan dramatically.

“I should’ve never told you that she said that to me,” he grumbled, making you smile lightly. Namjoon had been going to therapy on his own in order to work on his issues and show you that he was serious about fighting for you. You were happy that he was doing something to better himself, but you still weren’t sure about you two really getting back together.

“I still think you should join me for a session one of these days,” he mentioned conversationally and you lightly rolled your eyes because it wasn’t the first time that he had brought that up to you.

“Maybe,” you shrugged noncommittally. Namjoon sighed deeply before turning his chair around so that he was facing you.

“You know, if you don’t want to work on this, you can tell me,” he softly reminded you. “But I would like to know.”

“I don’t know,” you told him. “And I’ve told you that before. I don’t know if I’m willing to just forget about everything that’s happened because you had some sudden moment of clarity.”

“And I understand that,” he replied but you cut him off.

“But do you really?” You demanded to know and he frowned a little.

“Only on a surface level,” he admitted. “That’s why I think it would be good for us if we went to therapy together. We both have communication issues so having someone else there could help the conversation be more productive, for the both of us.”

“I’ll think about it,” you relented, making a small smile appear on his face again.

“That’s all I’m asking for,” he nodded, reaching out and grabbing onto one of your hands, squeezing it firmly. “I love you.”

“I know you do, and I do love you too Joon,” you replied.

“I know,” he echoed, letting go of your hand as one of his coughing fits started up. That had been one of the side effects of the injuries that Namjoon had sustained from the shooting: his breathing was more restricted than before, and he still wasn’t used to having to pace himself in between words in order to make sure that he was breathing correctly.

“Do you have your inhaler here?” You asked him and he shook his head as he lifted his elbow to his mouth as he continued to cough harshly. “I’ll go get the one from our room, I’ll be right back.” You straightened up and walked out of his office, shutting the door behind you. You weren’t able to make it too far before you ran right into Taehyung, Momo, and Jimin.

“Hey,” you greeted them, your eyes fluttering over to Jimin just in time to see him smile warmly at you.

“Hey yourself,” Momo smirked knowingly. “How’s he doing in there?”

“Oh, he’s fine,” you shrugged, glancing over your shoulder at Namjoon’s office door. “He’s insistent on getting back to work so there’s really nothing I can say to him right now. The real question though, is what the hell are you doing here mister?” You demanded as you looked at Taehyung, who smiled sheepishly as he adjusted the sling on his arm.

“I just came to show Momo where I keep things before I officially start my leave of absence,” he told you. Taehyung had only gotten out of the hospital a little more than a week ago, his severe injuries taking longer to heal and even now, he was still in pretty bad shape. After a lot of discussion with both his family and Namjoon, Taehyung had decided to take an extended leave of absence until he had fully healed and Momo was going to be taking his place as Chief of Staff.

“Yep, Namjoon is going to be able to officially order me around starting tomorrow,” Momo groaned, making you laugh. “And Jimin joined us since Taehyung coordinates Namjoon’s schedule with him.”

“We just want to make the transition as seamless as possible, even if it is temporary,” Jimin added.

“Yeah, so hurry the hell up and get better so that you can come back,” Momo demanded as she looked at Taehyung, but you knew that she meant it lovingly.

“We’re definitely gonna miss you around here,” you nodded in agreement, stepping forward and giving Taehyung a one armed hug.

“I’ll only be gone two months, maybe three,” he reassured you.

“Well, come on Tae, I’ll walk you out,” Momo said and Taehyung nodded.

“See you guys,” he called, waving his hand at you and Jimin before following Momo off down the hall. Once you couldn’t see them, you turned back to Jimin, who was already looking at you.

“Hey stranger,” he greeted softly, holding his hand out towards you and you instantly grabbed onto his hand, allowing him to pull you down the hallway into his office. Once the two of you were inside, he shut the door behind you before wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling your body flush to his. You reached up and set your hand on his cheek, moaning softly once he kissed you passionately. The two of you stayed like that for a few minutes, firm kisses against each other’s lips and wandering hands.

“I’ve missed you,” you admitted quietly, and he pulled away from your mouth and set his forehead against yours as he looked at you.

“I’ve missed you too,” he smiled softly. “Although, we wouldn’t be missing each other so much if you would just come and see me.”

“I know, but things are just complicated right now,” you replied. Jimin knew about Namjoon wanting to win you back, because you had decided to be honest with him and tell him. He knew that you still loved Namjoon and you telling him about it only confirmed it, but you also didn’t want him to think that you weren’t serious when you’d said that you loved him. Despite this, the two of you hadn’t been able to spend much time together since Namjoon had gotten discharged from the hospital.

“I know, and I understand,” he promised, setting his hand underneath your chin. “I just want to be able to see you more.”

“Are you free tonight?” You asked and he nodded his head. “Then I’ll come over to your place, and stay the night,”

“You sure?” He checked. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring or forcing you.”

“You’re not,” you assured him with a smile. “I’ve missed you and wanna show you how much.”

“God, I’d love that,” he huffed, making you laugh before you leaned forward to press another lingering kiss to his lips. “8pm sound good? We can order in and watch movies.”

“That’ll work,” you nodded. “I’m looking forward to it Jimin.”

“Me too,” he smiled. “I love you baby bird.”

“I love you too,” you grinned, giving him one last kiss and a quick hug before he unwrapped his arms from around you and watched as you stepped out of his office.

...................................

“God, you look so fucking gorgeous riding my cock like this,” Jimin grunted, reaching down and squeezing the flesh of your ass as you moved up and down on him on the couch that was in his living room. You had originally only come over to watch movies and spend time with him but being as though you and Jimin hadn’t been intimate since the day of the shooting, it was only a matter of time before you two got your hands on each other.

“Please Jimin,” you pleaded, setting both of your hands on the sides of his neck and placing your forehead against his. The eye contact between the two of you served to only intensify the feeling of his cock dragging along your inner walls, and you felt your thighs quiver as you neared your high.

“I love you,” he whispered into the space between your lips and you smiled, because you were able to also feel his words in addition to him saying them aloud.

“I love you too,” you replied back, leaning forward a little and gently pressing your lips to his. “I do.”

“I know,” he assured you, planting his feet firmly on the floor and thrusting up into you. You gasped, the belt that had been tightening around your lower abdomen threatening to snap at any moment.

“Gonna come,” you warned him, and he nodded as he continued to fuck into you.

“Go ahead baby,” he encouraged you. A few more thrusts and you were coming on his length, a long and drawn out moan escaping your throat as he fucked you into over sensitivity. “You always look so sexy when you come for me.”

“Mm, wait, stop,” you mumbled and Jimin did so, looking up at you with a raised eyebrow. “Want you to come in my mouth.”

“Holy shit baby bird,” he huffed, watching in awe as you lifted yourself up and off of his cock and stood up from the couch, bending your knees until they touched the floor and making yourself comfortable in between his legs. You reached out and grabbed ahold of his cock with both hands, wasting no time in taking him into your mouth and swallowing as much as you were able to.

“God dammit,” Jimin hissed, his hands reaching out at his sides and fisting the material of the couch. You continued to bob your head on him, reveling in the way that his thighs tensed up on the sides of you as he neared his high once again.

“I’m about to come Y/N-ah,” he grit out and you only responded by sucking on hi harder. A few seconds later, you felt his cum flood into your mouth, the salty flavor making you cringe a little. Once you had (literally) sucked him dry, you popped his cock out of your mouth and smiled up at him.

“Good?” You wondered and he scoffed in disbelief.

“Fucking amazing,” he chuckled, which made you grin. “Come here.” He held his hand out for you and when you placed your hand in his, he pulled you up so that you were standing again and then pulled you back onto the couch, your body falling in between his legs as he pressed you up against his chest.

“I’ve missed you, you know,” he murmured quietly.

“I know, and I’ve missed you,” you told him. “The shooting just literally turned everything on it’s head, and it’s like I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I’m gonna ask you a question, and I want you to be honest with me, ok?” He said and you nodded in agreement. “Do you want to be with Namjoon?”

“I don’t know,” you answered honestly after a few seconds of silence. “On one hand, the effort that he’s putting in now is what I’ve been begging him for and I also feel bad about everything that happened. On the other hand though, I love you and I deserve to be happy after everything that I’ve been through with Namjoon.”

“You really do,” Jimin agreed with a nod. “Look, you can make a decision on your own, because you’re an adult. All I ask is that you be honest with me about what you’re thinking, bad or otherwise. Ok?”

“Ok, I promise,” you swore.

“You doing ok though?” Jimin asked. “Besides that?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve seemed a little distracted, and not only tonight,” he noted, reaching up and setting his hand on your cheek.

“I’m fine,” you nodded, not exactly wanting to tell him that Namjoon had asked if you wanted to get dinner together and you had to lie to him about already having plans with Momo so that you wouldn’t have to tell him that you were going to see and spend the night with Jimin. Despite all that, you couldn’t help but to be touched at how Jimin was still concerned about you even though you were basically dangling both him and Namjoon right now.

“I just want you to be happy,” he shrugged.

“And I you,” you whispered, leaning forward and kissing him firmly. “Regardless.”

...................................

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redhawtriot · 4 years

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Valentines 💕Weekend 💕(BNHA x Reader)

Part 1: TYPE

Tip Jar ☕- Not expected but always appreciated💞

I was just thinking about this as I was pumping out the matchups and I really wanted to jot them down lol

This is just the first things that came to mind when I thought of what people they probably would gravitate towards during Valentines Day!

Comment whose type you are! I am curious lol

HnM💕

🐒Ojirou: Deep Thinker

I can see him with someone who is really sweet and considerate.

If you say, “remember when…” and then continue to bring up a fond memory between the two of you, he would probably like that a lot. You remembered!

I feel like the poor guy just wants to make a bigger impact.

Their s/o would be the type to remind them of their worth a lot

He would really appreciate a person that would try really hard to get to know him on a different level,

“Would you rather eat 50 tiny spiders or a one big fat juicy tarantula?” He would just look at you with so much confusion but so much LOVE bc Like wtf who asks that?? but he would simultaneously get hit in the feels because you are taking time out of your day to get to know little ol him.

If you’re the type that isn’t very doting, then you’re probably not the best for him.

🎤Jirou: I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T

Wants someone independent, but also who doesn’t have a problem on depending on her.

Like do your thing and live your life, but if she sees you struggling and wants to help you, don’t you fucking dare turn her down.

She would most definitely love it if you were a musician, however If you are not but are interested in music, I could see the two of you having dates with each other where she would teach you how to play guitar.

She needs someone who isn’t too sexual. I feel like she would get annoyed with someone who wanted to have sex every day.

She would much rather spend her time just chilling out with you—existing within each other’s spaces.

If you’re the type that needs constant attention from your s/o when you’re with them, then she prolly isn’t for you.

🥦Midoriya: “I ain’t got no Type”

He is literally a walking, talking puppy dog. He would pretty much like anyone who has well-meaning motives and admirable goals.

You’re loud? Okay you must just be passionate.

You’re quiet? Okay you’re prolly just very pensive

I feel like he is the type that can fall in love with multiple types of people, but they would all have to be the kind of person that makes the first move because woo, chile… he is a nervous wreck. He would probably have an aneurysm in the midst of trying to ask you out, so just take the pressure off of the poor cinnamon roll and do it yourself.

If you’re not the type that likes chasing and would rather be chased, he isn’t for you.

Also get ready to talk about your problems because he is a Cancer and most definitely is willing to deal with emotions.

🐸Tsuyu: Logical

She would certainly like someone who is calm. Bakugou gets on her fucking nerves I can just tell lol.

You can have passion and determination for sure, but she would rather be with someone who carries those attributes quietly, with purpose, rather than boastful.

Like with Jirou, she would probably need someone who would just be okay with existing around each other.

You gotta be okay with her blunt nature.

If you are very sensitive to how people word things to you, and would rather have someone sugarcoat, then she ain’t the one for you, dawg.

💥Bakugou: Ballsy/Not a waste of space

You would have to be persistent as hell to wear down his walls, but not too overbearing or needy. Little things you would do here and there would add up

You would have to solidify yourself as an equal to him as well.

He probably would get annoyed as fuck if you were shy or timid or anything else that he would associate with weakness.

You would have be a person who has their shit together enough to have drive. You gotta have goals in mind and actually be working toward them. He don’t want no scrubs.

I think he would be the type of person to be protective over you, but that certainly doesn’t mean he wants a damsel in distress. You have to be able to hold your own, academically, physically and all.

(Literally just Kirishima whoops)

If you are the type of person who cant speak their mind and is overall nervous or timid you ain’t the one for him.

🏃🏻 Iida: Horse Girl/Guy

He would want someone who is on the same wavelength as him (Lets keep in mind that the wavelength is very hard to come by so he would eventually change his expectations)

He would love if his s/o was as driven as him and held very strong morals.

If you are the kind of person that works out everyday and has a strict diet or color codes your notes and make your own yearly planner or get on Pinterest for room ideas and have a bulletin board in your room with your schedule HAVE I GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU.

I also feel like he would like horse girls/guys (horse people???) for some reason…

If you’re unnecessarily brash or overconfident or rude you are not the one for him.

😷Shoji: Plain Jane

He probably would want someone who isn’t very chatty, however if you talk a lot, that isn’t a total turn off. He would just want every conversation to have a deeper meaning behind it.

He is also a minimalist so if you are the kind of person who hoards things, you might have to change your lifestyle a bit to be with him.

If you ask questions like, “what is your plan for the zombie apocalypse,” he would certainly entertain this idea and go along with it, trying his best to give you a full, thoughtful answer, but don’t try to make meaningless small talk with him

Also be okay with just existing with each other rather than going out on dates.

If you are extravagant and extra tm then he aint the one for you chief.

😈Tokoyami: Edge Lord

You have to be the kind of person that is okay with his self-deprecation.

You two would make very dark jokes together probably.

If you have ever threatened to gouge your own eyes out or jump off a McDonalds sign to your death Im lookin at you.

Obviously its all jokes—a release to your perpetual state of existentialism.

You would also have to be the person that makes the first move. He would probably get a hint and close the space in between the two of you unlike Midoriya but he would most definitely still need you to make the first move.

He would love it if the two of you could just existent near one another, but would also be understanding if you needed more attention. He would find a happy medium by reading some poetry books aloud to you while you're cuddled up.

👀 Koda: A Soft Boss

You would have to be patient—he has a lot of reservations over pretty much everything.

So he needs someone to be more in charge in the relationship to pull him out of his comfort zone a little.

You have to be okay with being the one in the relationship to kill all of the house spiders (actually probably not kill—more like catch and release)

👣Hagakure: Preppy

You would have to be on pretty much the same vibe as her—energetic, upbeat and unafraid to speak your mind.

She likes people who are overall positive (girl, honestly, idk what else to put for her ass)

🦈Kirishima: One of the Dudes

Manly

You would have to make it very obvious that you were into him. He has a lot of things going on in the little brain of his, so a crush would probably fly over his head. He would just think that he admires you because you're so awesome.

The fact that he wants to hold you would translate into “I wanna arm wrestle them”

The fact that he wants to take you out on dates would turn into, “I want to hang out with my bro.”

You would practically have to scream at him that you wanted him to be more than friends. The friend zone is pretty much an inescapable abyss with this one, so you would have to try extra hard.

If you are the type of person that can sit through hours of action movies and still get pumped during the twelfth high speed chase scene, this might just be your mans.

If you don’t mind him being completely ignorant to your romantic needs at times and you basically just being best friends in your relationship then this might be the man for you.

If you have a habit of lying or a vindictive nature then he isn’t the one for you.

❄️🔥Todoroki: A Therapist

I could see him being with multiple different personalities since he is overall confused with human interaction. I feel like he would be willing to get to know anyone.

You gotta be patient with him though since he takes everything so literal (If you live off sarcasm then it will be super difficult for you)

He would like someone who is very understanding

A good listener, but also can give good feedback.

If you're the kind of person that gets uncomfortable with oversharing or can’t handle when people come to you with their problems all the time he ain’t the one for you.

🎹Yaoyorozu: Cheer-leading Captain

Someone to hype her up, but also lead.

She would certainly certainly be attracted to someone that is of a type A personality. She admires people who are driven and successful, so as long as she sees that you are putting in effort and have a strong sense of determination you're good!

This girl doubts herself so much, so you have to be willing to spend your time hyping her up.

Be willing to try 50 different types of tea.

She would certainly want to go out on dates all of the time, so if you are more of a home body she aint the one.

⚡️Kaminari: Mean Girl/guy

Literally anyone who will give him the time of day, but this boy loves a challenge.

If you are the standoffish, sarcastic, vindictive type then this might be your mans.

He loves rough banter and would totally be the type to pick on you just to see your adorable angry face. He thinks that it ‘spices things up’.

Probably into the more sensual typee of person as well (if you consider yourself a man-eater he would literally fall in love so quickly so be gentle okay? Don’t hurt our pikachu)

I feel like he’s the type of person that would ask you to “Yaaas! Please stomp on my face, kween”

Bonus points if your last name ends in an ‘o’ sound (shinsou, bakugou, jirou, ashido)

He is the type to want to show you off to everyone so if you’re the bashful or timid type then he might not be the one for you.

Mineta: Ew

Moving on… Nothing to see here folks.

🐷Ashido: Two halfs of a Whole Idiot

Needs someone who will hype her up.

You would certainly have to be the one to sweep her off of her feet because I feel like she is so friendly that she just might accidentally friend-zone you without even knowing it.

If you quote vine/tiktoc daily then I am looking at you.

You would probably also live on social media so I could see the two of you being that cute couple on YouTube or Instagram that does silly/sweet things with one another.

If you have a problem with a very loud, obvious relationship then she prolly isn't the one for you.

😴Shinsou: The Mom Friend

He probably wouldn't enjoy someone who was constantly in his face (although if he did end up with someone like this it would be hella slow-burn-- an acquired taste if you will)

He would probably gravitate toward someone who calmly checks up on him and who he could lean on to give him motivational speeches.

This boy is low-key emotional and has low self esteem, so if you are good at reaching through to him then he would certainly fall for you.

I think that he would be the type to eventually become very affectionate and want to take you out on hella dates to (passively) show you off to the world.

If you are hyperactive and loud that might make him close himself off before you can break his emotional wall, so he might not be the one for you.

✨Aoyama: Ego Booster/Ballerina

someone who will believe in him and compliment him (or even just acknowledge his existence actually)

I could totally see him dating a ballerina, because he would be so enamored by their majesty.

Like he finally found someone as magnifique as him, wow.

You would have to be the type of person that is okay with very forward advances.

Like get prepared for “will you go out with me?” spelled in cheese by your front door.

If you cant handle people who chase this hard, then he might not be the one for you.

🎞Sero: Not the Sharpest Tool in the Shed

He is idiot sexual and no one can change my mind

If you find yourself searching your kitchen every five minutes to check if there is new food, walking into a room of your friends to annoy them for five minutes before leaving, or have a album in your phone with over 1,000 reaction pics, I am lookin at youuuuu!

He would most definitely be the person to chase, but he would do it very carefully to test the waters.

He wouldn't chase too hard, so if his advancements would go over your head the first time you're in trouble!

☁️Uraraka: Girl/Boy Next Door

She would fall for a sweet guy/girl.

they would have to be an overall, kind spirit, but still have great goals.

If you're the type of person that can goes “Oh look at the moon!” and then ends up talking about a random topic like Bigfoot or aliens while looking at the stars, I could see her falling for you.

More than anything I feel like she admires driven people, so if you have shaky or unsure morals or goals, she probably isnt the one for you.

#bnha #mha #bnha imagines #bnha x reader #mha x reader #izuku x reader #todoroki x reader #midoriya x reader #bakugou x reader #kirishima x reader #kaminari x reader #uraraka x reader #iida x reader #shinsou x reader #katsuki bakugou #my hero academia #boku no hero academia

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jiminicus · 4 years

Text

Fluffy First Times

Genre: Fluff 🐨 , Smut ⛓️

Pairing : Jungkook x Reader

Word count : 4.6k

Rating: Explicit

Warning: Sexual Content

Mealis was an average college student in the fourth year of her studies. In high school, she was the quiet girl that rarely went out to with her friends. When she first entered college, she thought she would be finally able to socialize, get a boyfriend, fall in love, and do all the good things that people did in their youth. However, as the years passed, she always preferred to focus on her studies, never finding time to meet new people and achieving her so-called “social goals” that she had set. She was starting to get disappointed with herself. All her friends, even the shyest ones had at least had their first kiss.

Today, this was all going to end. She was now in the waiting room of a nicely furnished, modern building, filling some paperwork. She was here for “sex therapy”, as the website she found out about them liked to refer to their services. At that time, she was not looking to get laid, but after reading the reviews on their website for a couple of months, the idea didn’t seem that bad. All service providers were trained to create unique experiences for every guest and tailor the session according to the needs, desires, and personalities of their clients. They specialized in providing “therapy” to those dealing with problems in their sexual life as well as people who had insecurities and fears, and sometimes even helped people explore their sexuality, showing them new ways to have fun.

This kind of experience was of course expensive, and she had to work some extra hours in the nearby café to be able to afford it. It seemed to be worth it though, getting an actual boyfriend was time consuming, and based on her friends’ stories, she didn’t want to end up having her first time with someone that would break her heart. Spending the night with a professional was going to be easier, and it would also take away some of the nervousness she was feeling. She would never see him again after all.

When she filled the papers and checked them thoroughly, she passed them to the lady on the front desk. She instructed her to wait some more in the waiting room until her “therapist” was ready to take her in. Drinking the hot tea she was offered when she first entered the building, she looked around the place. Nothing about it hinted to what happened behind the closed doors, it looked like a normal lobby to normal business. She was happy for it though, she didn't want to be seen is some sort of a sex dungeon.

In some nerve wracking minutes, the young lady from before reappeared.

“Your therapist is ready and waiting for you in room 003.” She said politely and gestured towards the pathway Maelis was supposed to take.

She walked towards the room slowly, trying to calm herself.

“It’s finally happening.” She told herself taking a deep breath, feeling her heartbeat in her head.

She knocked on the door with the number 003 painted on it. In a few short moments, the door opened and a smiley boy stood in front of her. He had long black curly hair and an adorable bunny smile. He was dressed comfortably in some sweatpants and an oversized shirt that revealed part of the tattoos on his forearm. He looked young and friendly and his soft eyes immediately calmed her.

“Hello, my name is Jungkook and I will be your therapist for today.” He said as he opened the door wider to let her in.

“I am Maelis.” She responded quietly, still studying his features.

“Nice to meet you Maelis, please take a seat on the bed.” He said as he motioned towards it.

She sat on the corner of the bed while he set himself in the middle of it. Seeing her awkward position, he spoke.

“Take your shoes off and seat here.” He patted the place next to him.

She shifted her weight towards him, but the proximity made her shy and she diverted her eyes to her lap, trying to hide her blushing cheeks. His charming aura may not be that helpful after all.

“We have an hour and a half at our disposal today. We will spend some time talking and getting to know each other in the beginning and then we can go to more intimate acts. If at any point you feel uncomfortable, please let me know.” She did feel uncomfortable. He was perhaps the hottest guy she had ever seen and the fact that he was staring at her right now made her heartbeat go wild.

“You should know that this is a safe place and anything we say and do will in this room, will stay here.” He finished, summarizing the rules on the papers she had agreed on.

“Okay.” She said simply, unable to form a more complex sentence.

“On your papers you said you have never had sex before, so I assume you must be nervous.” Jungkook said as he shifted his weight so he was sitting in front of her.

“I am very nervous.” She admitted feeling his eyes burn her skin.

“It’s ok to be nervous,” he smiled softly “But don’t worry, there is nothing scary at all.” He said and he took her hands in his, slowly moving his thumb across the back of her hand, trying to calm her down.

“So, tell me what kind of romantic intimacy you’ve had before?”

“None...” It felt embarrassing to say out loud. “Nothing at all.”

“Really?” He looked surprised at her confession. “Not even a kiss or holding hands with someone?”

“No. I have never had a boyfriend or anything.” She wished for the floor to open and swallow her in. She always felt that people were going to make fun of her and call her prudish when she told them about her nonexistent romantic life. Jungkook however, seemed to sympathize with her. He dealt with people who had problems in their sexual lives every day and he really wanted to help them feel better.

“Is there a reason for that?” He said with caution, knowing that it could be a sensitive topic for her. He didn’t want to admit it now, but he was also curious, why has a beautiful girl like her never experienced romantic love?

“I never had time…. And I guess I just never really wanted to.” She said as if she just realized it, lifting her eyes to meet his for a second.

He wanted to ask more questions. Why did she change her opinion now? Why did she come to him? But he knew those questions were prohibited to ask since they usually made the clients feel embarrassed or humiliated having to admit they needed help.

“What matters is that you want to try new things now, right?” He said cheerfully.

“How about we do something simple as we talk? Do you want to cuddle?”

“Yeah, sure.” She said relieved that the conversation about her life ended.

He sat with his back resting on the headboard, making some space between his legs. “Come here!” He said, the kind smile never leaving his face.

Maelis sat with her back relaxing on his chest. He put his hands around her waist and hugged her from behind. This position was definitely more comfortable and less awkward, as she didn’t have to look at the model looking guy she was supposed to have sex with.

The conversation took a lighter mood this time. He told her that he was a post-graduate psychology student and that he did research in the field of human sexuality. She told him about her failed previous relationship attempts, feeling more comfortable knowing she spoke to an actual psychologist.

It was fun and easy to talk to him and she almost forgot the actual reason she was there, until she felt his warm breath on her neck. Her body tensed as he pressed a soft kiss on her skin.

“Relax Maelis, it’s just a kiss.” Her cheeks took a rosy shade and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

“Tell me what you wished your crush did that night.” He placed another kiss just under her ear, referring to the story she was just telling him.

“I don’t know… I just wanted him to talk to me some more.” She said, trying to respond as if nothing happened.

“And then what?” He said in a suggestive manner.

She started to get nervous now. The conversation had taken a quick turn and she wasn’t prepared for that. She fiddled with her hands. Jungkook noticed her sudden change, but despite that, he wanted to make her express her desires, knowing very well that she was not going to do that by herself.

“What do you want me to do?” He said separating her hands and intertwining his fingers with hers. “You know I won’t judge you, nor I will make fun of you, I just want to know what will make your heart flutter.” His voice was gentle and soft as if he was talking to a child.

“What you do, already makes my heart flutter.” A shy smile appeared on her face. It was a simple confession, but it made her feel relieved she didn’t have to describe to him some kind of a porn scene.

“This?” He replied as he pressed another kiss on her neck. Another one followed, this time he parted his lips and slightly licked her skin. A shy moan slipped from her lips as he continued to shower her with kisses.

“I am so sorry!” She said right after, feeling embarrassed once again.

“Don’t be so shy sweetheart. I want to hear you enjoy yourself.” He whispered in her ear.

He then let go of her hand and slowly slid it under her sweatshirt, letting his fingers ghost over her skin. It felt electrifying having her stomach touched by someone in a situation this. It felt new and exciting and she sure enjoyed it, but something inside of her couldn’t quite let her let go, and live in that moment. She was tense and her mind was rushing through all the things that could happen next. She felt anxious. Was she really going to have sex now? Was she ready for it? Was spending the night with a stranger a good idea? She didn’t know what to do or how to act, she was frozen.

“What are you thinking about?” Jungkook said letting his head rest on her shoulder.

“I am sorry... It’s just a little overwhelming...” She snapped out of her trance.

“Stop overthinking babygirl. I know it’s all new to you, you don’t have to be perfect, just try to enjoy yourself.” Treating such an inexperienced person was new to him and making her comfortable was going to be challenging.

“Wanna turn around so we can do things a bit differently?” He said gently pushing her back. She turned around and he laid down on the bed, next to her.

“Imagine I was your boyfriend now and I’d let you do anything you want to me.”

The offer was tempting. What did she want to do the most? She wanted to kiss him, but he was too intimidating for her to attempt that. She opted for a hug. It was not that intimate and she felt nice cuddling with him. She wrapped her hands around his waist and lowered herself to his level. He embraced her back and pulled her down so she was now laying on top of him. Her head was on his chest and she could feel his heartbeat. He was calm and relaxed, nothing like the way she felt.

“Now what?” She said with a smile.

“Now nothing. You can do whatever you want. You can kiss me or touch me as I did to you. The hour is yours.” Did they spend thirty minutes talking? If she had to be honest with herself, she wouldn’t mind spending the rest of their time just cuddling in each other’s arms, but she wasn’t here for a cuddle session, she was here to have fun for once. As much as she enjoyed her time with him just chatting, she had paid way too much for her to waste it so easily.

She pressed her lips on his neck and he immediately tilted his head giving her more skin to work on. She tried to copy what he had done to her before while he run his hand through her hair. To her surprise it didn’t feel as awkward as she thought it would.

Maelis continued her actions for a minute or two before she decided to let her hands explore his body. The baggy shirt he was wearing didn’t show his musculature, but the thin material gave enough for her to feel his toned body. In a similar fashion, she slipped her hand underneath the fabric and let her fingertips barely touch his warm skin. It felt nice exploring his body while planting kisses on his neck and collarbones, but this was all he had done to her and she didn’t know what to do next.

“Jungkook.” She called him quietly. “What do I do now?”

He opened his eyes and smiled cupping her face with his palm. “What do you want to do? Wanna take it off?” He said while placing his other hand on her hand beneath his shirt.

She nodded. He got up and let her slip the material off his body. It was hard for her not to look at his well-defined abbs. His chest was broad and his arms were equally as toned, decorated in beautiful drawings. He looked like a Greek statue and she couldn’t help but stare at him.

"No wonder he had such good reviews on the website.” She thought.

“Like what you see?” He smirked.

He came closer to her, putting his hands on her thighs to support himself. He leaned even closer, leaving only a few inches between their faces.

“Your lips are so beautiful.” He said, running his thumb over her bottom lip. “They feel great against my skin too.”

Maelis was both uncharacteristically calm and having a heart attack at the same time. She had just locked her eyes with his and became enchanted in them. For once she wanted him to continue his suggestive words.

“Want to feel them against my lips too.”

He looked in her eyes, searching for a reaction, a permission to fulfill his words. To his surprise, she closed her eyes and leaned in first. He closed the remaining distance and connected their lips. It was a slow and soft kiss, gently touching their lips together.

Maelis never knew that lips were so soft and sensitive to touch. The feeling was inebriating and she felt the butterflies in her stomach again. Not knowing how long the kiss should last, she slowly pulled away.

For a second, she made quick eye contact with Jungkook before joining their lips for the second time. She felt his tongue licking her lower lip asking for permission to deepen the kiss. She parted her lips and let him slide in, intertwining his tongues together. All her thoughts were gone, she just wanted to feel more of him.

The kisses continued for a few minutes, as Jungkook slowly became more dominant, pushing her towards the bed. Once she was laying on her back, he set himself above her figure. He let his hands roam across her body. Her curves were exactly as he loved them and it would be a lie if he said he didn’t enjoy the session a bit more than usual. He wanted to see her body, so he started to lift the hem of her sweatshirt.

Once her stomach was uncovered, he broke the kiss. He gave her a quick peck on her nose and smiled kindly. He then lowered himself leaving kisses on her neck and then skipped over to her tummy leaving a row of raspberry kisses.

“You are tickling me.” She said through a wide smile, always having been sensitive in that area.

“Is that so?” He replied playfully and continued to blow even more raspberries on her tummy.

“Jungkook stop!” She felt tears start forming in her eyes from the laughter.

“I’ll stop only if you let me take this off.” He said holding the hem of her sweatshirt.

“Fine.” She agreed without much thought.

She got up and let him peel the material off her body. The cold air made her feel naked and she brought her hands to her front trying to cover herself.

Seeing her discomfort, Jungkook connected their lips again. In this position he took her hands in his and let them fall to her sides.

“You are beautiful, bub, don’t hide it.” He whispered against her lips. The innocent sweet kisses from before were gone. He was now passionately attacking her lips. She began to feel excited, anticipation replacing the nervousness in her lower stomach.

He moved his lips on her jawline and her neck. She felt more comfortable this time and let her heavy breathing be heard, sometimes letting a moan slip from her lips. He went lower, to her collarbones and cleavage. He found a place right on the curve of her right breast and placed an open-mouthed kiss, sucking on the tender skin. After decorating her cleavage with kisses, he licked the strip of skin right on the hem of her bra.

“Let me take it off?” He said lifting his gaze, to meet her eyes.

“If you want to.” She replied, trying to copy his tone from before.

Hearing that, he slipped the straps off her shoulders, leaving a kiss on each collarbone. He then reached behind her back and unclasped the bra. Once the bra was off, Maelis’ hands traveled to her now naked breasts in embarrassment. He placed a kiss in the center of her breasts and his mouth traveled up, towards her nipple.

“What did we say about hiding?” He said as he bit on her finger that was covering his target. His dorky behavior definitely worked and she removed her hand smiling at his actions.

He took the nipple in his mouth and toyed with it with his tongue. It felt good and she felt herself getting wet, rubbing her thighs together to get some friction.

“That’s my job darling.” He warned, placing his hand between her legs spreading them apart. He put one of his legs between hers and laid down on top of her. The pressure his thigh was putting on her core was making her skin burn but not giving her much pleasure.

His mouth was kissing and sucking on one of her breasts and his hand kneaded the other. After one particularly good lick on her nipple, she involuntarily moved her pelvis against his thigh, letting out a moan from the sudden pleasure she felt on her core.

“Impatient huh?” He said teasingly and moved lower, towards the hem of her shorts. He placed a kiss bellow her belly button and then continued south. He hooked his fingers on the waistband and tugged gently, asking her to take them off. She lifted her lower half letting him remove them.

As the fabric left her skin and found itself on the floor, all her worries fled her mind. The only piece of clothing remaining on her body was the thin fabric of her panties. She was naked in front of a sexy stranger that was supposed to take her virginity. She wasn’t on birth control. Did he have condoms?

“Of course he has condoms, it’s his job after all.” The rational part of her reminded.

But then, she didn't know what to do. What if he doesn’t enjoy the experience? What if she messes something up? What if she didn’t shave that well? What about the stretch marks on her thighs? Had he noticed them?

“What’s wrong?” His angelic voice took her thoughts away from her mind as he was running his hand soothingly over her thigh.

“I am nervous... What if something goes wrong?”

“I am here sweetheart." He placed a kiss on her forehead. "I’ll tell you if you need to do something. For now, just relax.” He found his place between her legs and leaned in for a kiss.

“Do you have a condom?”

“Why? Do you have a preference for texture or flavor?” He said smiling at her naïve question.

“Maybe.” She said connecting their lips again. As the passionate kiss ended, Jungkook went down again, never breaking eye contact. He found her pink panties and placed a kiss on her clothed core.

“Let me take those too?” He said as he trailed his fingers on her inner things. A simple nod was enough and she found her wet lips exposed to the cold air.

“So wet baby...” He run his finger collecting some of her juices.

“I want to taste you.” He said licking his finger. He then licked a stripe from her clit to her opening. Maelis let a loud moan. She had surely touched herself before, but she had never found herself that sensitive in that area. The simplest touches were sending waves of pleasure through her whole body.

In the next few minutes, his lips never left her clitoris, constantly playing with it. Sometimes with feathery licks and other times with harsh sucks on her most sensitive nub. When she was wet enough, he slowly slipped a finger in her core, watching closely for any sign of discomfort. None was present and when he started moving his finger, her moans became louder.

He added a second finger, but this time, she felt some discomfort from the stretch from the depth at which his fingers penetrated her. After giving some more attention to her clit however, she felt the warm feeling in her lower stomach and told him to move his fingers, trying to chase out her orgasm.

Just before she could go over the edge, Jungkook stopped all his movements.

“Wait some more princess. Can’t let you cum now.” He said taking off his sweatpants and boxers at once.

She looked at him as he took a condom from the bedside table and slipped it on his cock. He looked beautiful naked, she thought. His muscular chest and thighs, his well-defined abs and... She didn’t want to stare at his cock for too long, but it was the first time saw a man naked in front of her and the girth and length of his member made her feel both intimidated and excited.

He turned back to her and lay between her legs. Their lips connected once again in a lustful kiss.

“Ready babygirl?” He said, pressing their foreheads together.

“I’ll be gentle. If you feel any pain or if for any reason you want me to stop, let me know and I will, okay babe?”

“Mhmm” Was all she could mutter. He lined his member with her entrance and delicately pushed forward. He moved slowly as he left gentle kisses on her neck and shoulders, trying to distract her from any discomfort.

Somewhere halfway through, she felt ripping pain and asked him to still his movements for a second.

“It’s okay baby.” He said kissing her shoulder.

When the pain started going away, she gave him a sign to continue. He slowly moved forward again till he felt himself bottom out.

“That’s it, sweetheart. Tell me when you are ready to move.” His voice softer than ever, his lips never leaving her skin. The feeling in her lower region was no longer painful but rather uncomfortable. Having something inside her felt unfamiliar.

“I am ready, Jungkook.” She said running her hands on his back. He started moving at a painstakingly slow pace. God, he wanted to move faster, she felt so good, he thought.

After a while, the uncomfortable feeling was almost gone and she began to feel the pleasure as he moved.

“Go faster.” It was all he needed. He gradually increased his speed and made his thrusts more powerful while always keeping it gentle.

It’s been a while since he treated a virgin but for the first time, it felt as if it wasn’t just the sex, they felt... close. Their lips danced on each other's bodies while their bodies moved in sync. It felt intimate, almost as if they were a couple that had long waited for their moment together. Maelis thought it was because Jungkook was a professional, but he knew, that what he felt at that moment was far from professional, ever for his job.

They felt their orgasms approach and the pace became faster, Jungkook moving his hand to rub Maelis’ clit. She felt a warm feeling build up in her lower stomach.

“Jungkook I...”

“Me too baby.” His thrusts lost rhythm, becoming more sporadic, chasing his orgasm. The change of pace sent Maelis over the edge, her body starting to shake as the orgasm rushed through her body. Shortly after, Jungkook too felt his orgasm approach, spilling his milky cum into the condom.

He let his body fall on top of hers, placing one last kiss on her forehead. She run her hands through his hair as he caught his breath.

“How do you feel bubble?”

“It felt good. It never feels this good when I do it by myself.” She admitted. “How do you feel?” She asked cautiously, not sure if he actually enjoyed his time with a beginner.

“Amazing. Are you sure you have never had sex before?”

“You don't have to try to not hurt my feelings.” She said pushing him playfully away from her. He laid next to her staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t.” He looked at her direction with a smile. “You did well sweetheart.” He caressed her hair with his palm.

“I’ll go take care of myself for a second. You can stay here and rest.” She watched him go to the room attached to the one they were in.

“Did I really do this?” She wondered. It felt better than what she had expected, and Jungkook … he was so gentle and caring. She heard the sound of water in the other room. Was he taking a shower? She looked at herself. She needed a shower too. They got pretty steamy after all. Turning around she saw a stain on the white sheets.

“Oh, no!” The sheets were now covered in bright red blood. The pain wasn’t terrible and she didn’t think she had bled. How was he going to react when he sees it? She put a pillow on top of the stain, she was going to deal with this later. She got up and took her sweatshirt from the ground. It was better if she at least had something on.

Jungkook had just exited the bathroom, wearing only his boxers.

“Where are you going bub? Leaving so soon?” He said wearing a pair of sweatpants.

“No umhh... Something happened...” She said sitting on the bed, while he looked at her with concern.

She lifted the pillow covering the stain. “I am sorry.”

He looked down at the bed and let his bunny smile shine through.

“It’s okay. It’s normal to bleed on your first time. I’ll change the sheets.”

He came back after discarding the stained sheets and hugged her from behind, pulling her towards the bed.

“Isn’t our time over?” She said remembering their time limit.

“Yep.” He said simply. “My next appointment is in an hour. Wanna cuddle some more?”

“Do you do this with all your clients?”

“No, but you are a good cuddler.”

“You are good with other things too.” He said whispering in her ear. “Maybe we can try some of those textured condoms next time.”

#jeon jungkook #reader #jungkook x reader #bts #smut #fluff #oneshot #story #first kiss #first time #sex worker #jungkook is a sweetheart #shy #btsguild #bighitcity

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 3 years

Text

If There’s a Place I Could Be - Chapter Twenty One

If There’s a Place I Could Be Tag

February 14th, 1999

Remy sighed. Another Valentine’s, another reminder that he was alone and couldn’t ever tell his parents why he never came home with any girlfriends. He hated Valentine’s for years, now, ever since he realized that his parents saw being gay as “bad” and that he wouldn’t be accepted if he brought home a boyfriend.

Toby had called briefly to say hi to his parents, but Remy didn’t get the chance to say anything. This sucked. He felt well and truly alone. Would there ever be someone out there who decided he was worth the trouble? He doubted it.

He didn’t even know why he was bothered. He didn’t want friends, so significant others were definitely out of the question. He just needed to focus on studying. Then maybe he could get out from under his parents’ thumb.

February 24th, 2001

Remy couldn’t say he had been surprised by Emile’s reaction on Valentine’s Day. Honestly, he was more surprised that Emile said he still wanted to be best friends than the fact that Emile wasn’t interested. That had come out of left field, to be sure.

Lying on his back in bed, Remy contemplated the merits of getting up. He had no shifts today, which meant if he wanted to he could just sleep the entire day. But no, Emile probably wouldn’t like that, so he got up and out of bed.

He walked into the kitchen and sighed, looking around somewhat despondently. Emile had taken the weekend to spend time with his parents. A two hour drive both ways, Remy doubted he would ever be that dedicated to stay in touch with his family. But if Emile needed a break from him, well, Remy wouldn’t exactly blame Emile for that.

Of course, without Emile there, and no shifts at work, Remy was left with nothing to do, and he was restless. Too restless to even go help at the shelter. He’d be pacing around or getting caught in his own head and he definitely didn’t want to make the people at the shelter have a harder time than necessary.

He passed most of the morning just by pacing the apartment. By the early afternoon, he grabbed his coat and decided to walk outside, if only so that he didn’t wear a hole in the floor.

Time passed a little quicker as he explored the town. There weren’t a lot of places to go, but he was focusing more on the getting there, anyway. And besides, if he was going to live here a while, he may as well learn where everything was and how long it took to get there on foot, because affording a car wasn’t an option just yet.

He ignored when tears welled up in his eyes from the remaining grief he was getting from this whole situation. He ignored the utter ache in his chest when he thought about Emile’s smile. He ignored the braided string of anger, jealousy, and devastation when he thought about Emile’s affections going to someone else. Emile didn’t want him. He had to accept that and move on. And the sooner he got over it, the sooner he could have a different relationship. One with a guy who genuinely loved him, and wasn’t just trying to spare his feelings.

After a while, the sun had started to set and Remy’s stomach was snarling. He walked to the nearest fast food place, grabbed something quick to eat, and moved on. He found himself gravitating towards the buildings just off the college campus. He knew they were having parties virtually every night. Maybe he could find someone to take his mind off Emile.

Maybe he could drown his sorrows in alcohol. After all, that was what would happen if he drank, and he wasn’t known for his self-control.

He laughed. He really was messed up. He didn’t want to start abusing alcohol, especially when he wasn’t even twenty yet.

As he walked past most of the houses, he saw someone dash out of one of the doors. “Yo, Remy!”

Remy turned to see a guy who he didn’t recognize jogging up to him. “You are Remy, right? Emile’s friend?”

“The friend thing is debatable right now, but yeah, I know the guy,” Remy said.

“Thought so!” the guy said triumphantly. “The two of us share a psych class. I needed the credits in social sciences, and he seems to be really into that kind of stuff, and we kinda hit it off. He talks about you a lot, man.”

“Does he?” Remy asked, feeling like his voice was hollow but unable to do anything about it.

“Yeah,” the guy said. “He talks about you all the time, like he’s super proud of you. And according to him, you seem like a pretty cool guy. What has you wandering the streets tonight?”

“Emile and I share an apartment, and he’s visiting his folks today and tomorrow. I don’t like the silence in our apartment,” Remy said.

“You two...a thing?” the guy asked in a low whisper. “I don’t wanna out you, but I know he’s bi, and between the two of us, I’m questioning.”

Remy laughed. “No. I wish,” he said. “He’s cute, and sweet, and kind. But he’s not interested in me.”

“That sucks, man,” the guy said. “Name’s Theo.”

“Nice to meet you, Theo,” Remy said with a sigh. “Any particular reason you came out here yelling my name as you saw me pass by, or were you genuinely curious about why I’m on a walk?”

“Well, some of my friends and I are having a party in like, twenty minutes,” Theo said, pointing over his shoulder to the house. “If you don’t have anywhere to go, and you don’t want to be alone for the rest of the night, you’re welcome to hang out.”

Remy considered. This was a chance for him to make his own friends, do his own thing. He relied on Emile’s social circles too much, most of the time. His therapist Kim said he should get out more, find his own people. This could be his chance. “You know what? Sure, why not.”

Theo grinned and slapped Remy on the back, guiding him inside the house he and his friends shared. Just by looking at it, Remy could tell it was more of a fraternity than just a couple dudes splitting rent. One guy was hooking up speakers, another was working on making punch. Theo guided Remy to the couch.

They talked a little bit, mostly about Theo’s classes and how he was graduating next year. Remy nodded along, occasionally asking a question or two here and there.

People started to trickle in, and Theo went to grab a beer, but the two of them kept talking. Remy liked Theo well enough. He was sweet, but also a little cocky. He had the confidence to pull off anything he wanted, but the morals to keep him from just destroying anyone who came across his path, and Remy respected that.

As Theo drank more, his stories got more outlandish, causing Remy to laugh. The more they talked, the closer together on the couch they were. Other people would come and go from where they were sitting, mostly to use the other half of the couch to make out for a minute or two before finding somewhere else to continue.

Theo had his hand on Remy’s knee and was telling the story about how he first realized he might be bisexual because of some jock on the football team. Remy was laughing as Theo went into a rather in-depth description of the guy. The kind of guy Remy would have drooled over in high school. But as his laughter died down, and Theo was chuckling softly, he noticed they were close enough that Remy could feel the heat radiating from Theo’s body. He looked at Theo’s eyes, sparkling in the dim light from the kitchen. Theo was looking back at him, and both pairs of their laughter trailed off completely.

Remy tilted his head to the side, and Theo leaned in a little more, and their lips came together in a desperate crash. Remy’s lips moved in time with Theo’s, and Theo was laughing again, causing Remy to giggle, and as Theo wound up being more on top of Remy than anything else, Remy gently pushed him off. Theo was briefly confused, until Remy whispered in his ear. “Do you have your own room? Somewhere a little more...private?”

Theo grinned at Remy and nodded, grabbing his hand and guiding him upstairs. His room was at the end of the hall, and as soon as Theo closed the door Remy was kissing him again. He was wild, and desperate, and needed the distraction. “Tell me you have protection,” Remy murmured in between kisses.

“That, and lube, don’t worry,” Theo said, trailing kisses down Remy’s neck. “I’ll make sure you don’t get hurt.”

Remy was pulling at Theo’s shirt, desperate to feel a little more skin, to feel the heat radiating from his body. His build felt wrong, nothing at all like what he imagined Emile to feel like, but this wasn’t Emile. This was a one-night stand that neither of them needed to do anything about after the fact.

Theo pulled down Remy’s pants and Remy felt his heart leap into his throat. “Wait...wait,” he breathed.

A little reluctantly, Theo pulled back. “What’s up?”

“It’s...um...this is my...uh...”

“First time with a guy? Mine too, but I know how this works,” Theo said, moving back in to kiss Remy.

“No...no. Theo. Stop. It’s my first time. Ever,” Remy said.

Theo pulled back. “Really?” he asked.

Remy swallowed and nodded. “I’ve...like...done stuff by myself, but never with...with anyone else.”

“You’re a virgin,” Theo filled in.

“I...yeah,” Remy agreed. “And I’m a little...scared.”

Theo pulled back completely, and he scratched the back of his neck. “Oh. I don’t want you to be scared your first time, man.”

“I mean, isn’t that normal?” Remy asked.

“Nervous? Yes. Scared? No. You shouldn’t be scared about your first time, or any time after that, for that matter,” Theo said. “Pull your pants back up.”

Remy did so, turning crimson. “I’m sorry,” he stammered out. “I thought...I thought I could do this, I’ve seen it done often enough, but I just...”

“Hey, Remy, it’s okay,” Theo said softly. “Let me give you some advice. No matter if you’re gay, straight, bi, whatever? You shouldn’t be scared over having sex with someone. It’s something...super intimate. It’s seen as special in just about every culture out there. So of course, you’re going to be nervous when you do it with someone new, especially if you grew up in a strict household, or you had to find out that you were gay through the Internet. Nervous is normal. But you should never be scared. If you’re scared about having sex with someone, you’re not ready. And that’s perfectly okay.”

“What...what should I feel, then, for my first time?” Remy asked.

“Like I said, nervous is normal,” Theo said. “But your confidence should outshine those nerves. You should be sure that this is something you want, that you’re okay with sharing this part of you with someone else. That you don’t mind being vulnerable around them. And some people can be that comfortable with someone for a one-night stand. Some people can’t. And both ways are fine.” Theo put a hand on Remy’s shoulder. “When you’re ready, you’ll know. And whether that’s with a one-night stand or a significant other, whether it’s your first time or your thousandth, you should always feel sure of yourself.”

“I...okay.” Remy swallowed. “I really am sorry.”

“No hard feelings, Remy. I wasn’t looking for anything serious, I can always find another guy...or girl. You just make sure you’re okay after this experience, all right?”

Remy swallowed but nodded. “Thanks. For the advice, and for being understanding.”

Theo nodded with a smile, and kissed Remy softly, one last time. “If you ever decide you want to have a little fun when you’re ready, feel free to stop by. Or, you know, talk to Emile and see if he can pass the message along, if it’s before the end of May.”

Remy nodded. Theo left the room, and Remy followed, breathing shakily. He had thought he was ready. He thought being a little scared was normal. But apparently, he needed more time. Theo said that wasn’t a bad thing, but it had Remy thinking. How would he tell when he was ready with someone? Who would that someone be? He had no remote clue, and that terrified him.

He left the party soon after, walking home alone in the cold night. He hoped that Theo had a good time tonight with another guy...or girl, like Theo said. Remy knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping anytime soon.

#if there's a place i could be #sanders sides fanfiction #remile #emile picani #ts sleep

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

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Paige/Jinny enemies to lovers - is it still enemies to lovers if only one of them knows they're enemies?

ok, so this is pre-season four, bc it's the only way I can see it working. sometime in season two/three, Jinny's latest master comes to San Francisco. maybe he's trying to impress the source, wants to kill the charmed ones, etc. point is, he's in SF, and Jinny is out of her bottle for some reason, and she takes advantage of being in a crowded city to make a break for it, punches her master in the face and just books it the hell out of there. she's not really thinking, bc he can always just order her back in, but he comes after her nonetheless, grabs her by the arm and gets physical.

enter Paige.

she's just coming off work, she's had a long day and she's tired, but when she sees some creepy old dude with his hands all over this young woman, very obviously threatening her, she goes a little bit apeshit. she cold-cocks the demon, yells for someone to call the cops, makes a huge nusiance of herself until everyone on the street is looking. and the demon knows he's outnumbered and he's too smart to make a further scene, not when he's got Jinny's bottle to control her with, so he takes off before things get worse. only he dropped the bottle when Paige punched him and Paige picked it up to give it back to Jinny, inadertantly making her Jinny's new master.

not that she has any idea of this, because she has no idea magic even exists, she just thinks she rescued Jinny from some kind of abusive relationship. for Jinny's part, she's not about to tell some random mortal that she's a genie; she doesn't know what kind of wishes Paige would make right off the bat, and she can't risk losing the chance to get wished free. so she decides to bide her time, gain Paige's trust, then betray her later by getting her to make a very crucial wish.

but Jinny underestimates Paige, and Paige's compassion, and that when Jinny tearfully insists she can't go to the police, Paige will take her home with her to take care of her because she's obviously terrified and traumatized. and when Paige asks who Jinny was fighting with, Jinny calls him her master, so Paige is now convinced that she rescued Jinny from some kind of sex trafficking situation that Jinny doesn't bother to correct.

Jinny tells Paige that her family is dead, and she has no home, and Paige offers to let her stay on the couch. and she offers Jinny new clothes to change into, and free run of the fridge, and a shoulder to cry on if Jinny ever wants to talk about what she's been through, and Jinny's kind of baffled bc no one's ever treated her like this. not in the underworld as a lowly demon just trying to survive, not when that sorcerer seduced her and then cursed her into the bottle, and certainly not from any of her previous masters. it's been a long time, if ever, that she's experienced kindness, and she finds that she kind of likes it.

she lives on Paige's couch for a while. days, then weeks, then months. she and Paige get along well enough that Paige just never asks her to leave, plus Paige is aware of the whole 'alone in the world, nowhere to go' thing and she's not about to throw Jinny out into the street. Jinny goes out and explores the city and then gets a job at a coffee shop near the apartment, bc Paige never ordered her back into the bottle, never set any limitations on how far she could go, and she's kind of bored and maybe a little addicted to the shop's coffee and what better way to have a free, unlimited supply. she finds herself talking to other people, and helping people, and slowly doing more and more good. her bottle sits on a shelf somewhere in the apartment, gathering dust.

Jinny maybe also starts seeing a therapist. Paige's suggestion, to help her deal with the trauma she's lived with for so long, and normally Jinny would laugh at the idea of spilling her guts to a mortal, but it's rather cathartic to talk things out, at least as much as she can without revealing magic. she asks Paige to come with her to one of the sessions; Paige holds her hand when her voice starts to break, takes her out for ice cream and a long walk in the park afterward.

Jinny's been living with Paige for almost six months when she realizes that Paige keeps the fridge stocked with the fancy lemonade Jinny loves, that she's got a toothbrush in a cup beside Paige's on the sink, that she knows Paige's favorite coffee order to bring to her at work as a surprise. that maybe she's falling in love with this mortal she's supposed to be tricking.

she has a bit of an existential crisis then. she's supposed to be evil; it was what she was born to be, it was what all those masters made her with their treatment over the centuries. but Paige doens't treat her like she's evil, doesn't treat her like any of the others. Paige treats her like she's something wonderful and worthy, Paige smiles when she sees Jinny making breakfast in the morning, says 'thanks, babe,' in that scratchy voice that tells Jinny she's still half-asleep and not actually listening to what she's saying. Paige is - Paige is maybe in love with her, too?

Jinny's not entirely sure how to deal with that.

so she doesn't really; just shoves it to the back of her mind, thinks about it every once in a while but not for very long. certainly not enough to be obsessing over it. she has a mission after all, and she can't let these pesky feelings for Paige get in the way of her revenge.

but then Paige comes home that night having crashed a stranger's funeral, and she's all wired and jittery and she asks Jinny if she wants to go clubbing, and then they get attacked by a demon and Jinny's mind is made up. Paige is hers, and no demon, not even the Source's personal assassin, is getting his hands on her.

Paige's new sisters being the Charmed Ones might be a bit of a bigger obstacle, but Jinny will deal with that after she finds a way to tell Paige about the whole genie thing. and find a way to get free without trapping Paige (or anyone else bc Paige wouldn't like that) in the bottle. and then she has to tell Paige how she feels.

omg. tbh ten times funnier if leo as a whitelighter can sense jinny is a genie and goes hey what’s with the the genie and paige is like jinny? and piper and phoebe are like GENIE?? and jinny’s like okay word i guess this is how i’m meeting my gf’s family also yes paige i am a genie but to be fair! i also didn’t know you were a witch. so like. i didn’t wanna scare u or anything. also funnier if piper or phoebe or hell even prue frequented the coffee shop jinny went to actually scratch that prue was a regular at the coffee shop jinny works at and they do chat a lot bc like. idc prue comes in on her lunch break or something to get away from bucklands and just chat blah blah blah they kind of become acquaintances where u barely know each other but r still homies and then prue kinda stops coming in and jinny’s like oh okay bummer ig but then like four weeks later prue shows up not remotely at her regular time with a camera bag slung over her shoulder and jinny’s like ??!!! okay spill and prue talks about how she quit her job at the auction house and is finally pursuing her dreams of photography and how liberated she feels blah blah blah prue & jinny talk about the concept of freedom with jinny definitely having her takes we’ll say prue has an art show with her photography and tells jinny about it jinny of course brings her girlfriend paige bc paige is also an artist they get all dolled up for the art show blah blah blah and they even like idk buy one of prue’s photos and have it in their apartment bc like again paige is an artist i think her apartment would be filled with a lot of art. paige even briefly talks with the photographer herself - what an interesting woman! and at some point in 2001 prue stops coming to the coffee shop and jinny wonders what happened to her but accepts that she’ll never really find out and doesn’t worry about it too much maybe she moved somewhere new and is taking amazing photos & living her best life. at least that’s what jinny hopes. flash forward to paige and jinny minding their own business in their apartment when piper and phoebe kick down the door like power of three spell now we need electricity come on lets go! and stop dead in their tracks bc that photo over the dining room table. where did you get that photo. and paige is like we bought it at an art show and jinny’s like yeah the artist used to get coffee at the place where i work and piper and phoebe are like that’s prue’s photo. that’s that is a photo prue took that’s her work and paige’s mind is kinda reeling bc holy shit she like. she met prue before. and she didn’t remember til now but she met her and they talked about their favorite artistic inspirations and the studio where they were both taking self defense classes at at the time and she had talked she had met prue before. prue had liked her. she had met her sister.

#Thank You for dropping the thousand word fic in my inbox omg what a Serve #litchrally so much fun thank u #paige x jinny #charmed #💌

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missroserose · 4 years

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Soft Asks: 1 & 6 & 8 & 12 (I'm greedy for softness today.)

YES PLEASE BE GREEDY. I wasn’t kidding, this is a rough week all around, so let’s get soft. <3

1.) what song makes you feel better?

Honestly, it depends. For instance, when I’m feeling bad in the sense that I’m facing down a huge and intimidating task, I usually go for something upbeat and major key—like Walk the Moon’s Shut Up and Dance, or Janelle Monae’s The Way You Make Me Feel, or Amtrac’s Never Lost. If I’m having one of those days where I have things to do but it’s feeling like I’m having to push through syrup to get anywhere, I tend toward something similarly driving but more minor/suspended chords—Meg Myers’ cover of Running Up That Hill has been on my playlist a lot lately, as has In This Moment’s Roots and K. Flay’s Blood In The Cut. And if I’m just in that place where everything is A Lot and there’s not much I can do about it, I’ll usually go for slower synth-y stuff—Björk’s Possibly Maybe is a perennial favorite, though I’ve lately been listening to Slowdive’s Sugar for the Pill and The Stone Roses’ I Wanna Be Adored. And, of course, just about anything by Cigarettes After Sex.

(I, uh, hope you know me well enough by now to know that if you ask me to name a song you’re going to get at least nine options, with links XD)

6.) say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical).

Ooo! I think self-appreciation is highly underrated so I’m glad to get this question. Let’s see...Physical:

1.) I love the various customizations I’ve made to my body—short colorful hair, large arty tattoos, multiple piercings. Almost all of them have made me feel more me in a way that’s evanescent but insistent.

2.) I’m not gonna beat around the bush—I freaking love my arms. Ever since I started lifting a couple of years ago I’ve been completely surprised (and pleased!) at how much I’ve enjoyed watching my biceps slowly grow. Being able to hoist heavy things is awesome too, but...I admit it, I totally flex in the mirror sometimes. (I’ve caught myself doing it on Zoom calls too, haha.) I have a rose tattoo on one arm and I adore how it accents the shape of the muscles.

3.) I like my general body shape. Large hip structure runs in my family (my mother calls them the Rose hips), and while that means I would likely never have made it as a ballerina or gymnast past puberty, I’m not at all sad I ended up with an hourglass shape. (Though it does make finding jeans that fit in both the hips and waist a bit of a trick...I’ve had good experiences with Fran Denim, which definitely was not inspired at all by their marketing prominently featuring generously proportioned women with tattoos riding motorcycles...ahem.)

As for the non-physical...

1.) I feel like I have a pretty good left-brain/right-brain balance (though, point of note, the popular conception of “left brain = logic and right brain = creativity” is actually pretty bullshit). I love that I can think creatively and also analytically—there are times when both are needed. I think it’s part of why I’ve made such a good massage therapist—I enjoy the squishier social-interaction heal-the-world side of the business, but I’m also good at the hard-nosed business and boundary-setting and hustling-for-clients part that a lot of people in the industry have trouble with.

2.) I really love my writing. I’m not trying to brag, just...you know those memes about “I am looking for very specific fic content, and if I cannot find it, I will create it?” Yeah, that’s me. I don’t often read back over my stories but when I do (even when it’s something I’m not proud of and I expect to cringe) I often end up surprised at how much I enjoy it.

3.) I love my ability to perform. I was talking with @harringroveheart about how I read some of my smut aloud (by request, with warnings) at a salon last night, and they were all “are you genetically incapable of being embarrassed??” and I had to think back to all the times that I read aloud to my mother who’d correct my pronunciation on every third word, or sang karaoke at a bar only to be met with complete indifference, or taught yoga to three people who refused to make eye contact and immediately bounced the moment class was over...so no, I’m very capable of being embarrassed, and in fact it’s been a struggle to get to where I am now. But man, learning to give fewer fucks has been incredibly freeing—and when you keep trying, every once in a while you hit that home run of a performance that connects with the entire audience and stays with you long after the embarrassing memories fade.

8.) tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good.

So many someones! @blahblahblahcollapse is a great beta reader and writing cheerleader. @introvertia often surprises me with her insight and delights me with her kindness. @trashcangimmick is the kind of chill and comforting dude everyone should have in their lives, and often gives excellent writing advice to boot (even when he’s laughing at my perfectionism). @skybound2 gives great music recommendations and nerds out with me over immortal relationships. @twobrokenwyngs listens patiently when I need to vent, and patiently listens to my advice when she needs to vent. @neonelectriclady sends me pictures of delicious-looking bread and awesome Star Trek memes and talks to me about cloud butts. @thisisnotmolchanka is the best metamour, creative and clever and ambitious and genuinely kind in a way you rarely see all together at once in one person. There are tons more I could name, but this post is already getting long...

12.) how are you?

I think I’m just gonna link xkcd for this one.

In truth, I’m...more or less okay. Being unemployed is turning out to be something of a mixed bag this week—like, on the one hand, I can sleep in until 10 and be a lump on the couch in my PJs all day, but on the other hand...I can sleep in until 10 and be a lump on the couch in my PJs all day. Luckily I’m hosting writing group this afternoon, so that’ll be a good distraction, as well as at least requiring me to get dressed. (Not that anyone would really bat an eye if I booted up Zoom and was still in my bathrobe, but, y’know.)

let’s get soft together!

#soft asks #music #friends #about me #maybe a little too much about me #rhubarbdreams

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bubblyani · 5 years

Text

Daring Effort

(Lucifer Morningstar x Reader)

A Lucifer Morningstar One Shot

Request by: @kittenlittle24 (thanks hun😘)

Rating: Mature (18+) NSFW

Author’s Note: Happy to say this was my very first Lucifer request. Thank you so much once again for that. Hope you all enjoy it!

You could see it. You could see the way they all looked at him. It was as if desire was so strong, their gaze had their intentions written on it.Those intentions were brighter than the all the flashing lights combined , they were louder than the loudest music that was played. But in the end of the day, you could not blame them. For he was Lucifer Morningstar: the man who literally attracted pure desire with every step he took. In tonight’s case, every step of LUX.

“You okay?”

Dr. Linda Martin’s concerned inquiry made you turn to her with a warm smile. You adored Lucifer’s therapist.The fact she was one of very few people who genuinely cared for him, really touched you. So you were more than happy to find her at the club that night.

“Uh huh!” You nodded, taking a huge sip of your cosmopolitan.

“Somehow I don’t believe you” she said, watching you carefully as you looked back at Lucifer. It was another night, and business was indeed flourishing. You could tell that he seemed to have his hands full in the midst of some attractive women, dressed in attire that had the sole intention of seducing the irresistible Club Owner. Every giggle, every touch you translated with ease. If inhibitions left them, you were sure to find them drooling without limits.

“You’re not the jealous kind Y/N...” Linda’s voice filled your ears.

“You’re right...” you replied, “I’m not...”

Your eyes remained glued to them through the crowds, “It’s just that...” looking back at the doctor, you chuckled with embarrassment , “I’m sorry...I don’t wanna make you feel like you’re on the clock again doc...”

“Please...it’s fine. And it’s Linda!” she assured, making you smile once again. Taking a deep breath, you began:

“Well...take a look at all those women...” you said, pointing at them “I mean...they all look so...adventurous and seductive...” you continued, “Clearly they are capable to bringing some spice and... clearly that’s his type...” you said, voice growing soft so you could lean towards her ear, “I’m worried I’ll bore him and drive him away...I know it’s so silly but...you know how he is-”

“And you know how he is not the type to fall in love so easily. But he did with you” she said, pointing her index finger at you, “Now I think that’s an achievement”

She was a damn good therapist, and you never dared to disagree.

“You’re sweet, Linda...” you said, smiling with relief.

But still you knew, you were not in love with someone typical. For a second you wondered, were you ever described as daring at all? Have you ever felt that?

You really wished you had, and you would have done anything to show him that. To intrigue him for a change.

“So...” you were both startled when Lucifer suddenly appeared beside you, “What are you ladies chatting about?”

“Eh you know...stuff...” you struggled with an answer, compensating with a smile. Linda nodded in agreement, allowing his eyes to widen.

“Oh? Well this ‘stuff’ sounds quite intriguing...” He said enthusiastically, “now come on...”

“Lucifer!”

“Amber! Ah-”

One from the keen group of women from earlier jumped over to him, leaving him no choice but to catch her in his arms out of concern , “Where did you go?”

Chuckling nervously, Lucifer quickly looked at you. And you had nothing but cool smiles to display. Watching other women flirt with him was never new.

“He just found some new company...” you replied, as if he wanted you to speak on behalf of him. The woman looked at you with disgust.

“Right...” she said coldly, turning away from you “...oh Lucifer!” Her enthusiastically immature voice sprung out of nowhere, “I thought you’d have some time for me instead” Amber said, making your eyes roll when she pressed herself against him, “I can even do that thing you like...” voice changing into a whisper, her lips moved next to his ear. Confidence adorned her face, eyes focusing on your, hoping to send you a message. And you were so done with that.

Setting your empty glass down with a bang, you surprised everyone as you slid off the bar stool.

“Excuse me, I’m gonna get some air...” You said, “later Linda...” patting the Doctor’s shoulder, you left the table without any acknowledgment of the other two.

“So? What do you say?”

Watching you walk over to the elevator, Lucifer was confused and speechless that he almost did not hear Amber’s seductive invitation. Chuckling, he looked at her.

“Darling, as much as your offer seems tempting...I currently find myself quite immune to everyone’s charms...except one...” he said, before leaving the table.

“What?” She exclaimed, getting up “Luci-”

“Uh huh...” Linda said, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you...” she said, taking a sip with a relieved smile on her face which contrasted from Amber’s disappointed one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Little did you realize that your mere attempt to get away from a temptress, was rewarded when Lucifer blindly followed you into the elevator.

“You ditched Linda?”

You asked with genuine concern as the doors closed.

“Well If she is currently chatting up her favorite bartender, then I believe I did her quite a favor” he said, standing next to you.

“And what about your curious friend?”

You asked, regretting it instantly. You were not the jealous type. And here you were, letting yourself down.

“A mere obstacle to my real target...”

That low tone suddenly gave you chills. He never could stop being irresistible. Chuckling, you looked up,

“Oh how wonderful you are with words....”

“No wonder you love me...”

“Yeah I do..”

The moment you admitted it, the pairs of eyes made contact, bringing forth silence.

“Did I tell you how ravishing you look in that dress?” His seductive tone made you face him, giving him access to the black silk wrap around dress with a plunging neckline.

“No...” you answered,“did you just notice?”

“On the contrary...” he said, taking a step towards you, “I’m afraid I had a sudden awakening from the moment I saw you this evening...”

You chuckled, “ I find that hard to believe after I what I saw tonight ...”

“Ooooh....Jealous?” He smiled. You shook your head casually,

“No”

“Hmm?”

Ding! The elevator doors opened just after. Lucifer definitely expected more of a reaction, especially with the way you behaved downstairs. So it was no surprise he was clueless as you walked into the penthouse.

“Y/N... are you okay?” He asked.

“Yes...Yes I’m fine” you replied as you kept walking. Only to to pulled back by the arm to face him.

“Y/N...” he said . Eyes widened, you shook your head, “Oh no...not that again” you groaned as he began:

“What worries you so much right now?”

Those eyes pulled you in as your ears were drowning in his voice. The truth was being fished out of you, and you had zero control whatsoever.

“I’m worried that I’m boring you in bed!”

You covered your mouth in shock soon after. Breaking his gaze, Lucifer let go of his grip.

“What?” He asked. You sighed deeply, for you couldn’t get away now.

“Do I..” you began, “do I bore you?....sexually?” You asked leaning against the piano. Scoffing, Lucifer looked at you with amusement.

“No! never...I have nothing but fond memories of you wrapped around me” he said, making you blush as his arm reached out to your waist. As much as his words seemed comforting, you moved away, proceeding to walk over to his bedroom.

“Come on...Like...think about it, you’re Lucifer freakin’ Morningstar...” you exaggerated, when he followed you, “...but you’re in an exclusive relationship with...me...”

“Yes I am...and I’m happy to shout it from the rooftops” he said, watching you sit on the bed.

“Which I appreciate,” you said, giving him a look of adoration, as he sat next to you “but don’t you think you deserve someone more ...than I am?”

“Y/N...” Lucifer began softly, “have you forgotten all that we have gone through? You’ve given me a reason to love when I thought I could never love at all...what more could I ask for?”

“Exciting Sex??” You got up, frustrated, “admit it...you’re human”

“ Darling, I assure you I’m not” he said, his eyes never leaving you when you walked over to the side of the bed.

“Yeah Yeah ...you’re the devil, as you always tell me...” you said, with your hands on your waist “Doesn’t that make it more necessary? All those women out there, ready to give you anything, all those fantasies. I’m afraid I’m not in touch with that” you said, gently rubbing your stomach nervously, “Like what am I doing wrong? You know?”

“Nothing! you’re not doing anything wrong” Lucifer shook his head, as his words were filled with reassurance.

“You may say that but I can tell.” You said, with your hand mindlessly playing with the knot of your dress, “Maybe...” you paused, upon catching his eyes on your dress, especially when you held on to the knot.

“Maybe I should be more ...creative”

Pulling the ends, you watched him hold his breath as the knot loosened.

“Yes, it wouldn’t hurt...” he breathed. As the dress began to unwrap itself, you read his eyes. They spoke out of a need on their own, and it surprised you. But it also empowered you most of all. Reading his hunger and thirst, you wondered if you really have that power over him? Was it just untapped all this time?

“Exactly...I need to be more daring. I don’t know. Maybe...tease you every now and then” you giggled, “like right now?”

A loud exhale left his lips when he watched you open the silk material. Cool evening air caressed your bare skin as the dress fell on the floor, pooling around your heels, leaving you to stand before him in just your panties.

Funny how one minute you were thriving in insecurity, and suddenly you were nowhere near it.

“My my...” Lucifer’s eyes twinkled, “You certainly learn fast” he purred.

“That or I’m just inspired...” you said, placing one knee on the bed. As if you were spellbound, you got on all fours, crawling across the bed towards him. When you crawled, you did with commitment. You imagined yourself to be best at it. You dove into whatever imagination you considered was wild, and soaked in it. And you were certainly motivated thanks to his expressions of satisfaction.

“Oh my...”

Pleased with his response, you moved over to his lap, straddling him with ease.

“You know...” you began, “I’ve always wanted to do that ...” you continued with a chuckle , “How did I do?”

“Oh...” Lucifer said, his hands slowly moving towards your frame, “beyond my wildest expectations, love...oh!”’

Biting your lip, you held onto both of his hands, pinning them back down to the bed. Daring imagination was coursing through your veins, overjoyed and mad with creativity.

“Hmm...is this Prada?” You asked, pointing at his white shirt.

“Why indeed it is darling”

“Funny how I never paid more attention to it before...” you said, taking his arm , “like how it feels on one’s skin...”

“Well I’m not trying to promote it, but it certainly does feel very comfort-”

“No, I mean....on my skin...” you said, holding his arm close to you, “when it...touches me...ah!” you moaned, as his sleeve brushed against your chest. The brand certainly was full of quality, for it did wonders as the crisp material made contact with your bare breasts, giving your sensitive nipples some needed attention resulting them to stand upright. When you saw his hand clench, you felt the frustration for you discriminated it from the experience, giving only his sleeve the privilege.His hand hoped it would have it’s turn. But instead, your pleased expression suddenly disappeared.

“What’s the matter?” Lucifer sounded concerned as your eyebrows furrowed.

“Something is getting in the way”’ you said, leaving his lap quick as a cat. You heard his groans of disappointment as you stood up.You would be lying if you weren’t pleased by that effect.

“What is it? Anything I can assist with?” Lucifer asked. Turning your back towards him, your fingers slowly dug into the waistband of the remaining piece of clothing that was your panties.

“Aha! This is it!”

Bending low, your hands gingerly pulled down your panties. Given your partners vocal response, you knew you did a good job presenting him a generous view of your throbbing slit from behind.

Entirely naked, you walked over to him with a newfound confidence, straddling him once more. A gasp exited your lips the moment the bare skin surrounding your damp opening brushed against the material of his trousers.

“Oh...so so much better...” you purred. With the close, personal view he was indulging in, Lucifer allowed his body to be awakened completely.

“No wonder this is so expensive...” you added, “the pleasure it gives is indescribable”

“You’re indescribable Y/N...” he breathed, making you blush slightly.

“Thank you...” you replied, maintaining your confident persona. Though you managed to do so, your eyes failed you, locked in his lustful gaze. Breathing in sync, there was nothing better to do but to kiss. And by force of habit, Lucifer leaned forward to initiate it.

Except you responded by rolling your hips against him instead.

You leaned back, hands resting on his knees, as you continued to roll and grind yourself against his growth. The friction between the trouser and your slit created heat and signals that traveled all over, you couldn’t help but moan out loud. Eyes locked in still, it felt daring to the core. For never have you done this before. But you stuck to it. In fact, you enjoyed it. Why wouldn’t you when you felt as if he was at your mercy?

Watching you with desperation, he pressed his lips together, seemingly frustrated that they were deprived of savoring every inch of your skin which included the erect buds that rested on your heaving bosom. He was teased for sure.

“Someone is definitely keen I could tell...” you said.

“Oh yes..he is ...” Lucifer said, moving forward to kiss you.

“No-I mean this guy!” You contradicted, getting down on your knees to indicate his clothed erection.

Resting safely between his legs, your manicured fingers carefully pulled down the zipper, digging inside to pull out his shaft that was pleased to be noticed. Breathing heavily, you wondered why you never done this before.

“Ohhh ...” You purred, gazing lustfully at it “Hello Mr. Morningstar...I’ve been dying to meet your enthusiast self”

You heard Lucifer chuckle low with pleasure, impressed by your genuine creativity.

As if it was your first encounter, your fingers were gentle; running up and down over it, making him wince to your surprise.

Truthfully you were no stranger to this inserted inside you; but tonight you certainly took your time to appreciate it. Your mouth began to water by the look of it, and by the thought of who owned it. You were indeed more than happy to show your appreciation.

You showered every inch of it with gentle kisses. The fact he barely spoke but merely gasped aroused you even more. Those kisses proceeded to grow longer and slower, indulging to its maximum. And by the last kiss, your tongue was let loose, allowed to give licks that were generous and ended at the tip; where you finally were fueled with greed to let your mouth engulf it whole. He was delicious, as he was everywhere else, fitting inside of you with equal intensity. Salivating, you were more than Well lubricated as you began to pull it in and out of you in rhythm.

“...bloody hell!” He moaned, reaching out grab you by the hair, running his fingers through it while you tasted him.

“Ah Y/N....”

You wished you could have reciprocated in calling his name, but when you were doused in heaven, you did not bother.

The moment he cried out in a manner you were familiar with, when you finally felt your mouth grow warm with fluid, you knew his climax had made it’s appearance. Throwing his head back, Lucifer recovered as you swallowed his release, proceeding to lick away the remaining evidence of your affection carefully and attentively. When suddenly you looked up to find him watching you not with any sense of objectivity, but with admiration.

“I got to admit Y/N darling, you certainly deliver” He panted with a smile.

“Well I’m glad you’re satisfied ” you said, stroking his shaft lovingly.

“Oh...more than satisfied”

Before your eyebrows raised with curiosity, he kissed you, finally. Lucifer kissed you with enough passion that was suppressed all this time. He kissed you deep, tongues embraced and made love on their own. He kissed you fully, that he could taste himself in you, leaving you hypnotized.

With a gasp, you felt yourself lifted as Lucifer flipped you on to the bed. Lying on your back with legs pressed together, your hands explored oneself by the sight of him standing before you.

“Now ...” he said, while unbuttoning his shirt. Your giggles signaled your evident excitement.

The moment he began to unbutton his shirt, your giggles hinted your evident excitement.

“Now...” he said,

“I think this daring effort deserves...an A plus!”’

———————————————————————

Check my LUCIFER MASTERLIST here :)

#tom ellis #lucifer morningstar x reader #lucifer morningstar imagines #lucifer morningstar #lucifer fanfiction #lucifer x reader #lucifer netflix #lucifer smut

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #297

“crushed, damned, and broken; lost, sick, and left unspoken.”

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? Not since high school when I made an anatomically correct heart. Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I adore it. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What's the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? Maaaan, as a cryptic fanatic, that's hard. Maybe the Rake. What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? We're some resilient motherfuckers. What is your favorite soda? Well, it's technically strawberry Sunkist, but I do NOT let myself have it because I will fucking chug it and binge on them if available to me. So, I just consider Mountain Dew Voltage my fave. When you're on the beach, do you throw beached sea creatures back? I've never even seen a beached animal. I would, though. Have you ever thrown food at someone? Yeah, small food fights as a kid or joking with a friend. Have you ever been to a bonfire? Yeah. Do you like orangutans? I love them; such fascinating, enchanting animals that act more human than people half the time. When you see a bug flipped on his back, what do you do? It depends on what it is, but I usually try to help it. Is cereal good? Yeah, I love cereal. Do you like spaghetti? Love it. It was my favorite food as a kid. Is there any kind of weapon in your bedroom? No. Do you like snow globes? I love 'em! Be honest, did Fifty Shades of Grey arouse you in any way? I didn't read it and never will. What does your sibling(s) call you? "Britt" or "(little/big) sister." Do you have any close friends that are the opposite sex that your significant other dislikes? N/A Do you honestly believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not? Nope, because I want you to explain to me why a child dies of cancer. Why the 11-year-old was raped and forced to bear the child. Why a partner is beaten to death by their s/o, etc. etc. Things just... happen. Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not? No, mostly; I DO kinda wonder about it, I just find it unlikely. It would be kinda poetic, though: being given the chance to experience so many unique things. But, I kinda want a conclusion to my mortal life. The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner? I read the first HG and loved it; I started the latter novel while I was in the psych hospital for a while, but I never finished it or got that far in. It did sound pretty good, though. Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? Well, they believe(d) in tarot readings; does that count? Idk. Did/do you believe them? I wouldn't. Is anything annoying you right now? "Annoyed" is a fucking understatement when it comes to what transpired at the capitol a few days back. Have you ever been ice-skating? No. Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? It can, depending on how heavy it is. Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Albino, no, but I knew a guy and his sister in high school who had vitiligo. Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? Yeah, at the ER and hospital. Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? I don't believe so. What would you say is your strongest felt emotion right now? Rage. I'm not over "the event." I'm just tired of humanity. Are you talking to anyone at the moment? No. Do you have trust issues? Oh yes. Have you ever found an arrow head? No. Who is with you? My mom's home. What can you not stop thinking about? *points upwards* Then there's Jason because PTSD, that's very normal. Do you forgive easily? I forgive very easily, honestly. In what part of your life so far, have you learned the most about yourself? 2017, when recovery began. I think... or maybe 2018, idk. I've truly come to discover myself quite a lot the past few years. Have you ever been in a fist fight? No. Are your ears pierced? Yeah: my earlobes twice, and then my right tragus has a stud. I want to get my others back... I had to take them all out in the psych hospital, and a lot of my piercings closed up. The only one I don't wanna re-do is my anti-tragus, because mine was *always* inflammed and aggravated. What did you last say out loud? "Okay" to Mom. What are you waiting on? Right now, an opportunity to go to the parlor I'm getting my tat tidied up at to get a price range on it. They just need to be open while we're out of the house. Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? Not really. Are your feelings hurt easily? Yep. What's the most expensive piece of clothing you have? Did you buy it yourself? I dunno... I very rarely get new clothes, nevermind expensive ones. Who is your closest platonic friend of the opposite sex? His nickname is Girt. He's been my best male friend since high school; we even hang out sometimes, but it's been a long while. How do you think your first relationship shaped who you are as a partner now? As a partner, it taught me to not fall head over heels and love more realistically and in a healthy fashion. I don't put my faith solely into them, but myself, too. I also accept "forever" is not always true just because they promise it. Who is your favorite protagonist of the same sex? Oh god, this is hard. I suppose maybe Tyrande Whisperwind from WoW. I love her dedication to her people and that her story has become more interesting in her finally "breaking." I could list so, so many "faves," tbh. Were you popular in high school? What was your reputation like? No; I was just the average teen. Have you always known your sexual orientation or did something happen to make you realize it? Somethings happened. There were a lot of hints building up before I even began to consider the possibility, but a daydream solidified it as fact. What was the hardest part of your last break up? Realizing I still wasn't "ready" or "fit" for a successful relationship. What brought you out of the hardest period in your life? As strange as it sounds, my suicide attempt put it into action. I was obviously hospitalized for a while, and then I was brought into a month-long partial hospitalization program that has a fucking genius psychiatrist, and I also had daily therapy as long as school days during the week. It was the intense help I needed. What's your favorite kind of smiley face? (: Does anybody know your deepest darkest secret? My old therapist and maybe my mom; I can't remember if I told her. Did you ever watch Rugrats? (the babies) I LOVED that show! I even had two of the video games. What about Hey Arnold? Ugh, I hated it, but I think my little sister did, or we just watched it if we couldn't find anything else. Do you like pep rallies? NO. NO. NO. My teachers always understood that they really stoked my anxiety and allowed me to opt out of going. I'd just stay in the classroom and read or something. Have you ever had pneumonia? No. What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? I fear anesthesia awareness, but not to a debilitating degree or anything that makes me panic beforehand or anything like that. Do you play Minecraft? if so, feelings about servers? Never have, and not interested. Do you read creepypastas? Nah. Do you think vlogging in public is scary? It seems awkward as FUCK to me. Even alone. Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? No. What social class would you say you're in? I think we're actually near the poverty line (or were, idk anymore, Mom slipped it before), so definitely lower. Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? No. How do you feel about guns? They scare me. What's the most traumatizing event that ever happened to you? A very abrupt and poorly-executed breakup while being madly in love to the point of obsession with the person. Are you faint to the sight of blood? No. Do you like spicy food? Yes. Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? Well, considering I was woken up by myself shrieking my lungs out this morning, guess. It seemed for a little bit that my nightmares were chilling out, but I guess not. When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? Does my mother telling me I'm saying too many "f-bombs" count? I dunno otherwise. What’s your second favorite color? Maroon. Do you ever wish you lived in a different country? Hey Canada, mind adopting me? Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with? Ha, I think my nephew. Have you ever been involved in an affair? No. Wait, maybe? Does the Joel thing count? We never even physically met each other, we were just being idiot kids flirting over text messages. You be the judge, ig. How many times a week do you speak to your boss? I don’t have a job. What do you want for your birthday? Just donate to my tattoo fund lmao. Having to get my laptop fixed fucked up my plans yet again... Have you ever been to a masquerade? No. Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? A handful, yeah. Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Just Sara does. Anything you’re avoiding? Always. After breaking up, what’s the worst? Letting go if you're the one who still has feelings. Does your sibling have a significant other? I don't know if my brother does, or the half-sister I've never met. Another sister is engaged, and two are married. Nicole is single, though. She's smart as hell about who she dates; she's probably pickier than me. Do you use Skype? Just to talk with Sara. Are you a fan of acrylic nails? I wouldn't wear them, but they look fine on some people. Except when they're square shaped. Name one happy song that describes you better than any other. "Get Up" by Mother Mother comes to me first. Name one sad/mellow song that describes you better than any other. Haha I connect with a lot of sad songs and would honestly rather not dig through 'em right now. What is your most used pick up line? None, they're all awful. Do you like the taste of alcohol? Noooooo no no. The only alcoholic drinks I like are very weak and sweet. What kinds of food make you sick? So this probably sounds so stupid, but "fancy" foods, like stuff with a lot of ingredients my body isn't used to, I guess. My stomach is very finicky with foods, so it's easy to make this list.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''creatures x: to the grave'' by motionless in white

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acidmatze · 4 years

Text

A Fractured Sense Of Self

About one year ago I made a post about Hawks possibly having Dependend Personality Disorder since I saw so many things in him that I saw in myself.

After several talks with my therapist however it became more and more apparent that I had been close but didn't really hit the target.

I'm not here to push a diagnosis on Hawks. He's just fictional after all and I am just someone overanalysing things and not a professional of any kind.

I'm probably gonna lay out the “symptoms” or rather.... Behaviours of Borderline Personality Disorder, see if they fit Hawks and how and then try to somehow make sense of his state of mind and how it ties in with how he acts.

Trying to make sense of whatever the hell is happening in the recent chapters.

So when my therapist said “I looked some things up and I would say his behaviour fits BPD the best.” my brain immediately went to “No that can't be. Isn't that a thing teenagers have?”

Even though I Should Know Better. Damn you, media.

Ableism is so ingrained in society even people with mental illnesses themselves aren't safe.

But anyway, this isn't an essay about me doing parkour to avoid feelings and problems this is more about HAWKS doing the same.

Part 1 So what is BPD anyway?

BPD is characterized by the following signs and symptoms:

Markedly disturbed sense of identity

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and extreme reactions to such.

Splitting ("black-and-white" thinking)

Impulsive or reckless behaviors (e.g., impulsive or uncontrollable spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation

Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships

Self-damaging behavior

Distorted self-image

Dissociation

Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage

Says Wikipedia

Let's see if and how Hawks fits these behaviour patterns.

(If you read this and suddenly realise “Oh shit I do stuff like that!” then please know you are in no way a horrible person. You did not choose any of these things. Stay safe cuz the world needs you.)

I'm intentionally leaving the Identity part for last.

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment, and extreme reactions to such.

And

Splitting ("black-and-white" thinking)

I'm gonna take both points on at the same time cuz they are dependend on one another and one thing causes the other.

Why did he suddenly switch from “I don't want to fight you! I want to help you!” while looking desperate and disturbed (and meaning it!) to a pretty much emotionless “I have to kill you” (and meaning that too)?

He wanted to help Twice!

He really believes that Rehabilitation is the way to go for him.

After all, Twice is a good person and good people should have no troubles in hero society, right? Only bad people are villains, right?

If Twice is a good person he should have no problems choosing Rehabilitation and come back to the hero side, right? They are friends and that's what friends do right? Friends agree with one another, right?

And then Twice declines and insults the one thing Hawks really believes in (because he never was taught anything else).

Which caused Hawks to:

Perceive Twice as an enemy instead.

Friends agree with one another and Twice does not agree which means he is not a friend which means he is an enemy and should be killed.

Hawks (probably) has never killed before and it's not the job of a hero even. Heroes should go out of their way to avoid murder and bloodshed.

So in my opinion this sudden switch from “my friend” to “enemy” is definitely fueled by Hawks own emotions. The feeling of betrayal; not only did Twice insult the hero system he also insulted Hawks himself because Hawks cannot seperate himself from the System. As far as he perceives it they are one. It is Hawks sole identity.

It is easy for us to say there are bad heroes and good villains.

Because what is Good and what is Bad can change from situation to situation and is always dependend on circumstances.

A person can both be good and bad at the same.

A person can give lots of money to charity. We would say that's a good person.

The same person can also constantly lie to people and be unreliable towards their friends.

We would say that's a bad person.

But we know it's the same person and we all do things that are good AND bad. We all do good things. And we also have done bad things.

What I wanna say is, no person is completely black or white. We are all shades of grey.

“I really love to have Joe as a friend. He's such a great listener and we have amazing talks but he really has to come clean to his girlfriend about crashing her car.”

For Hawks, this is not so easy to understand.

In his mind a person can either be good OR bad.

All villains are bad. All heroes are good.

This ties in with his own anxiety about not solving a situation in the best possible way.

Making even one mistake is not an option. Heroes are good people and good people don't make mistakes.

He was So Close to realising that Twice is a good person even though he is a villain but one of these moments cannot undo over a decade of brainwashing.

“The contradictionary truth that things or persons can be black and white, good or bad, etc At The Same Time, seems unimaginable.”

(Fragmented Selves: Temporality and Identity in Borderline Personality Disorder by Thomas Fuchs)

Impulsive behaviour

This one is either easy or hard, depending on how you look at it.

We don't know what Hawks does in his free time and if he even has anything like such.

But reckless behaviours are basically part of his job so he probably already gets his fill there.

Intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions that often seem disproportionate to the event or situation

See his reaction towards Twice.

Unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships

Or rather, a complete lack of any relationship whatsoever.

He either idolises people (Endeavor) or demonises them (Twice right now).

One could argue that as of now Hawks is completely incapable or forming any sort of emotional connection. He himself says he doesn't get attached, sees it as a weakness. For me it sounds like a defense mechanism.

He Did get attached to Twice and we saw how that played out.

But Hawks getting hurt over and over is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thinking of someone as either completely good or completely bad does little to aid a friendship.

Endeavor’s abuse getting exposed would probably cause Hawks to go through a crisis. He idolises Endeavor. In his eyes Endeavor can do no wrong.

Normally I would say this is something that must be avoided at any cost but in Hawks case, it is probably a necessary step to help him break the lock of his golden cage.

Self-damaging behavior

“If corrupting myself is enough to put everyone at ease then I will gladly take on this job”, anyone?

Hawks sending all his feathers to Endeavor to help him anyone?

When is this bird NOT hurting himself?

There are many ways to self-harm and this is Hawks way to do it.

Isn't it convenient that nobody would question is since he's just doing his job?

Distorted self-image

Goes hand in hand with the very first point which I wanna do last, just in case it gets really really long.

Dissociation

To be honest, I couldn't find any signs of that in Hawks. If someone of you can, just correct me.

Frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, anger, substance abuse, or rage

Hawks seems to vaguely know that something is going wrong in his life and he absolutely does not like his circumstances.

He wishes to be free.

When he looked at Twice and smiled and said “A cage is not where I belong” it seemed to me like he looked more pained than genuinely joking.

He mentions drinking alcohol after work so this could or could not mean anything.

Maybe he wishes he could get smashed after work?

Who knows.

But he is definitely depressed and tries to cover it with jokes. Some depressed people joke even more the worse they feel.

Seriously, his interactions with Twice seemed to be the most genuine ones, where he was/is the most vulnerable.

The jovial, easygoing, chatty Hawks is a lie. A lie he has forced himself to believe in.

A role he has to play. But he played it for so long he forgot that it is just a role in a play and not real.

Part 2 Hawks must die

Okay, that sounds really harsh. I promise it's just a metaphorical death. I'm side-eyeing Horikoshi so hard right now.

Now we will take a look at his identity, or lack of one.

Lately what I really was reminded of was this “Inner child” thing.

We only caught glimpses of Hawks as a literal child. He probably grew up in an unstable home. Probably had no one really looking after him, why else would such a young child roam around the city alone so freely that it has the chance to help in a car crash?

He didn't look much older than 6 or 8.

The Hero Commission discovered him and took him in and “provided for his entire family”.

What happened was that he was apparently completely removed from his family and was put into a clinical environment, cold, not suited for children at all, hell probably barely suited for any human being.

Hawks remembers that even as a child he was taught interrogation techniques. Espionage.

From a very young age he was taught to leave himself behind. To mold himself into whatever he needs to be to complete the mission. To be a chameleon. A mirror. Just a reflection of what others expect him to be.

He has to be A so he becomes A. He has to be B now so he ignores he ever was A and is B now.

He has to be Hawks so Takami Keigo becomes Hawks and leaves himself behind.

The last time he was Takami Keigo was when he was a child.

Change is a normal part in humans. It's very important during puberty. That's why teenagers experiment with it so much.

“Oh, it's just a phase” sneer the adults when the teen wears only black and say thats the “Real me”. In a few months the same teen probably tries something else.

That's a good and normal thing. Even as adults we are constantly changing and adapting.

But we never forget the person we once were. We stay connected to it, maybe remember it fondly and think of the friends we found that way.

Or sometimes we look back and cringe because “Wow, my parents really let me go outside like this?”

It forms one fluent narrative. All these changes are still us. We know that we are the same person as we were last year even if last year's us was completely different from today's us.

Hawks doesn't have this continuity.

He became Hawks and wasn't allowed any further change and he also wasn't allowed to be Takami Keigo at the same time. He is a tool to be used.

Takami Keigo is a frightened child. A child that made a decision and thought he did well and now this decision is his downfall.

Takami Keigo was never allowed to grow up. He was pushed away, so he can be Hawks instead, probably as an attempt to gain approval, to be praised, to be liked.

Hawks is an amazing actor, likeable, chatty, funny and witty, very competent at his job and smart.

Takami Keigo is a scared child.

If Hawks stops being Hawks there is nothing he can go back to.

Normally people with Borderline ofc also go through “phases” as everyone else does but instead of putting them all into a single narrative and file them all away under “That's me” every phase is it's own seperate story.

All energy is put into one “phase” as much as neurotypicals do but once this phase is over there is nothing that comes after it. When people without Borderline change “phases” we know a “home” we can revert to while we change. Our Self still exists in us wether we are currently obsessing about Ballett or Comics or Dinosaurs or Architecture or whatever.

For someone like Hawks theres either Ballet or comics or dinosaurs or whatever. No neutral spot. You are either the person who puts all their energy into becoming an archaeologist or you're nothing. Being something gives you a goal to work towards to. It tells you who to talk to, what to talk about, what to do in your free time etc.

Hawks being Hawks gives him a goal, a worldview, things to believe in, topics to talk about, a job, people to talk to, opinions to have etc. It gives him an identity, ready-made and easy to consume.

He cannot be anything else but Hawks. He is nothing beyond that.

Takami Keigo plays Hawks, they are not one and the same person.

He is Hawks but Hawks isn't Takami Keigo.

Takami Keigo holds no opinion of his own, no worldview, no goal, no hobbies, nothing.

Hawks has to die so Takami Keigo can heal. So the frightened child can finally grow up.

#hawks #here have 2.2k of word vomit #this probably doesnt make any sense.....#keigo needs therapy urgently #like... pls....#a friendship with Twice would be So Good because Twice is such an empathetic person #but thats a topic for another word vomit #that probably someone else should write #as i am not exactly competent at this #too emotional #i have emotions too big for my body disease #its kinda hard to see that the person who seems the most stable #is actually the one whos the least stable #i think most of us severly understimated his state of mind

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cami-chats · 4 years

Text

Lovin’ Me Good

Fandom: Marvel

Pairings: Bucky Barnes/Natasha Stark (fem!Tony Stark)

Summary: Bucky loves Natasha Stark so much he forgets that people have shit ideas about her.

Author’s Note: Commission for someone that wanted fem!Tony but still older than Bucky :D Starring: Natasha Stark as middle aged, trans, and gorgeous, Bucky as super in love, and a random asshole who exists to get the story kicking. (PWP)

Link to AO3

They were at an event when Bucky heard it. It wasn't rare for them to be at an event together, practically a bimonthly occurrence for him and Natasha. Right after they started dating, paparazzi got a picture of them at a restaurant, and it was plastered everywhere for weeks. So called 'news stations' were doing pieces about them, speculating on how long ago this had started, if the Winter Soldier killed the Stark parents had been motivated by possessive jealousy, if she had stolen him from Steve, that sort of bullshit.

Bucky had expected all of that. He'd been given the run down on modern media when he became part of the Avengers, and Natasha had told him again when they got together. The problem was that Bucky had never heard someone that wasn't a paparazzi or trashy journalist saying those things. He was at the event, expecting the usual snide comments and backhanded compliments. What he got was someone saying, to his face while Natasha was in the ladies' room and he was grabbing some water, "So how much does she pay you?"

Bucky looked at the man-- suit nice, but the way he was attempting to lounge in it made the material look unfitted-- bewildered. "Excuse me?"

"Relax Bucky, I'm just joking." Uh, yeah he was clearly joking, but not in a way that would have made Bucky forgive him. Also, Bucky had never met this man before, so him calling him by his first name wasn't going to earn him any points. People just decided they could do that every now and then though, called him by his first name like they were old friends instead of strangers. "I'm sure Stark has other assets that make her fun to be with even if the MILF look never did it for me."

Bucky just stared at him. Was he actually saying these words? "What the hell is wrong with you?"

The man spluttered a bit, trying to save face since he finally figured out that he wasn't making a very good impression. The bartender slid Bucky's drink in front of him, so he grabbed it and left without another word. Natasha found him a minute later, looking absolutely gorgeous in her dress. Red and slinky, the blue light of the arc reactor not detracting from the overall look. Her hair was pinned up with a blue clasp that Bucky knew had pieces of an old arc reactor in it. She had little crows feet at the corner of her eyes, laugh lines curving against the inside of her cheeks, and the natural maturity to her face that came with aging. Her long hair didn't show any grey yet, but he knew it was going to happen soon. He hoped it happened soon, because she would look incredible with little streaks of silver through her otherwise dark hair. Bucky was tempted to find that guy just to punch him in the teeth, but it was a much better use of his time to wrap an arm around her waist and press a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey darlin'."

Natasha, of course, knew that something was off right away. She put her arm around him in kind automatically, leaning into him. "What happened?"

"Nothin'," he said automatically. She raised an eyebrow, and Bucky sighed. "Someone just... talking shit about you. Us."

Natasha's expression turned sympathetic. "People are always going to do that, Bucky. You can't let it bother you."

"Yeah, so you and everyone else on the team keeps reminding me."

"If there's a dumb opinion, someone out there has it and they're going to yell it like an edict from god."

Bucky chuckled, kissing her cheek again. "I guess."

"Besides, it's not like they don't have half a leg to stand on with us."

"Huh?"

"Nothing personal babe," she said, patting his chest absently as she looked into the crowd, "but I am sorta rocking the cougar dream here."

"I'm older than you," Bucky said, frowning.

"True, but you don't look it. As far as everyone else is concerned, I'm another rich person with a partner twenty years younger than me."

"You're a billionaire, not 'another rich person'. You're better than them." He paused, then added, "I'm much hotter than any of their trophy wives, so they can suck it."

Natasha grinned, giving him a quick squeeze. "That's why I love you."

Bucky tried to forget about it like Natasha suggested, but for the rest of the night he couldn't get it out of his head. Any time he wasn't talking, he wondered if that was really how Natasha thought about their relationship. She cared about him, no question, but did she know how much she meant to him? Natasha was a goddamn miracle, and perfect besides. She was strong and smart, and even though she hid it behind a curtain of snark, she was one of the kindest people he'd ever met. He never would have made it a month without her help, and while he could stand here trying to wax poetic about her all day, that didn't really help her know how much he loved her. He was supposed to shake it off when people talked shit about her, and he didn't know how the hell he was supposed to manage that when she was so ridiculously incredible.

When the night came to an end, they climbed in the backseat of the car. Happy rolled the partition up out of habit, then started driving. All of Natasha's cars drove smoothly, and Happy was so familiar with them that it didn't feel like they were moving at all. The party had been on the far side of Brooklyn, so it was going to take them a while to get back to the mansion. "God," she groaned, taking her shoes off and rubbing at her feet. "Those things don't get any more comfortable the longer you wear them."

"C'mere," Bucky said.

Natasha turned, setting her feet in his lap. When he pressed his thumb into the arch of her foot, she moaned, relaxing back against the car door. "This is the real reason I keep you around, my god."

"Stop wearing heels, doll. Your feet will thank you for it."

"Yeah but I like them. I look so pretty in them," Natasha joked, but she went absolutely boneless when Bucky rubbed deeper into her foot. It was like every future ache she would have was already gone. "If you ever decide to give up superheroing, find a job as a massage therapist; I guarantee you will never go hungry, sweet jesus."

Bucky felt interest, hot and molten, sliding into place in his abdomen. It was hardly the first time Natasha had given him a compliment, and if the trend held, it wouldn't be the last. He curved one hand around her ankle, stroking the skin up her shin with short motions of his thumb.

"So correct me if I'm wrong," Natasha said, not bothering to open her eyes, "but is this your way of saying you want to get it on in the car right now? Because I am all for that."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely," she said, bringing up the foot that wasn't currently in Bucky's hand to pat against his leg.

Bucky grinned, sliding her dress easily to the top of her legs. It's not like the dress had taken up a lot of space in the first place since Natasha liked to go for the slinky look, and it puddled along her hips like water. He slid as far away as he could get, bumping into the car door, and spreading her legs wider but taking his sweet time. They were getting started in the car, but they weren't finishing here; Bucky had too many plans for this night for it to end so quickly. Her ankle bone jutted out just above her foot, and Bucky pressed a kiss there. He skimmed his lips up her calf, kissing at the thick bound of muscle there. She did so much work as Iron Man on top of wearing heels every few days that her legs were nice. Bucky thought it might be his favorite part about her, but he did this every time. His favorite part of her was whatever he kissed first, and it changed with every new place he touched. A kiss right on top of her knee, and he smiled to himself, kissing it again just to feel the rough skin against his lips. "You're so goddamn gorgeous, y'know that?"

"I think you've said it once or twice." She nudged his shoulder with the side of her knee. "Car sex is supposed to quick and dirty, baby. Make a mess of my hair and rip my dress."

"Tempting," Bucky murmured, considering for a moment to change his plan. But no, this was to help show Natasha how much he loved being with her, not to get off. Although, getting off was going to be a definite plus, one he was going to make sure she enjoyed. "But I've got plans for you, so your dress gets to survive the car ride."

"Not the whole night?" Natasha asked with a knowing smirk.

"Nah." He moved his way up her thigh, lazily sucking a mark on the inside.

"You," Natasha said, eyes fixed on him, "are a menace."

"Am I?" He kissed his way higher. "Mm, good thing you're takin' care of me then. Saving all those other women from gettin' their feelings hurt."

"Oh yeah? You think you'd be a heartbreaker without me around?"

"I wouldn't say that." Bucky rubbed his cheek against her underwear, silky smooth against his skin but just a tease to her. "More like I'd keep gettin' tired of all the people that aren't half as amazing as you."

"Flattery will get you everywhere."

"Only one place I wanna be, and I don't think you'd kick me out of it now." He licked a broad stripe up her length through the underwear, smugly satisfied when her hips twitched up for more. He pulled the elastic band down, wrapping his lips around the head and slowly sucking down as he pulled her underwear further and further down.

"Fuck." She knocked her head back against the door, fisting a hand in his hair. She wasn't forcing him down or anything, but she liked tugging on his hair-- and even better, he liked it when she pulled on his hair.

He slurped as he made his way back up, holding the base in his hand and licking at the head like a lollipop.

"You are evil," she whined, but she didn't make any move to take matters into her own hands. "C'mon baby, don't tease."

"I ain't teasing, I'm just takin' my time."

"Well take my time and get a move on, fuck's sake," she fake-complained, ending with a gasp as he took her in suddenly. "Shit, Bucky!"

He inched his way down her length. The tip nudged the back of his throat and he eased off for a moment, then went down slowly, his throat tightening around her.

Natasha's mouth dropped open, and her throat worked, trying to say something, anything to let Bucky know how much she loved this, loved him, but the words got stuck. Bucky swallowed, and she let out a ragged breath. God his mouth was so hot and wet it was like living in fucking ecstasy. New rule: heaven had to be like this and nothing else. "F-fuck," she stuttered out, feeling entirely too warm. Her cheeks were flushed hot, and from her toes to the tips of her fingers there was a warm tingle-- like that time she'd taken a bath with a fancy bath bomb before she realized she was allergic to lavender only this was a hundred times better. "Bucky baby, you're killing me."

He didn't move, and Natasha was vividly reminded of that time he'd tested how long he could hold his breath. Surely he wouldn't do it now, right? Before the thought could take root, Bucky slowly pulled off, looking smug as all hell. "Nah, I wouldn't do that to ya." He gave quick little licks up her shaft before kissing her stomach. "I love you so much, y'know that?"

"You never let me forget," she said, looking down at him fondly.

"You sure about that?" he asked, continuing to kiss along her stomach.

"What do you mean?"

He skimmed his nose across the edge of her hipbone, enjoying the closeness. "Earlier, you called yourself a cougar. Made it sound like I was with you f'r the money or somethin'. There ain't any truth to that darlin', and I wanted to make sure you knew that."

"Of course I know that," Natasha said softly. "I was only teasing, Bucky. If you were with me for the money, you'd actually spend it every once in a while."

"Or how 'bout I'm with you cause I love you? I ain't ignoring your money or your age or anything, I'm here for you."

Her expression softened even more. "I know."

"Then lay back and let me love you a little, yeah?" He pushed her dress further up, the fabric in a bunch under her breasts. "I don't need a reason to make you feel good, but I actually have one tonight so let's enjoy it."

"I always enjoy it."

"That's the aim," Bucky said, shooting her a grin. Natasha's dress either could be pulled up over her head, or it could be unzipped on the back. The car was nice and big, but it wasn't exactly a limo. They could finagle around so he could reach the back zipper, but this wasn't fucking in the car, this was making out like horny teenagers with no supervision until they got home and could make it inside. He slid the strap off her shoulder and pulled the fabric down to expose one of her breasts, covering the newly exposed skin with his mouth. She wasn't too sensitive, but she could feel the warmth from his tongue as he swiped it across her nipple before covering as much of her with his mouth as he could.

Natasha arched her back without meaning to, pushing further into him. "Oh fuck," she breathed. The handle on the side of the door was poking uncomfortably along her shoulders, her neck was craned at a steep angle, and she was half falling off the seat because it didn't matter how big her back seat was, there wasn't enough space for her to spread her legs this wide and stay centered on the cushion. None of that mattered right now because Bucky's mouth on her felt divine, but it was going to matter soon unless she changed how she was laying. She didn't say anything for the moment because she didn't feel like moving. She just threaded her fingers in Bucky's hair and held him close as he left a hickey on the bottom curve of her breast and kissed his way up her shoulder. "You are- mm- too good to me honey."

"No such thing," he muttered, lips not leaving her skin. "You deserve the best."

"Then you wanna help me sit up so I don't get a crick in my back?"

He slid one hand under her back and lifted, tilting her to a more comfortable position immediately.

"Thanks babe."

"Mmhmm," he hummed, hiding his face in her neck and mouthing at the sensitive skin there. She tilted her head to encourage him, and he scraped his teeth over the extended tendon, making her shiver.

"I love you. Have I mentioned that recently?"

"Once or twice," he said with a small smirk. She dressed up too often for him to leave a hickey that high, but he toyed with the idea for a minute, biting down lightly and licking at her skin to soothe it. "I wouldn't mind hearing it again though."

"So needy," she teased. She turned her head and kissed the top of his head. He looked up, catching her in a kiss. It was familiar, but never boring. His stubble scratched around her mouth, and she leaned into him more fully, moaning when he gripped her hip and pushed himself up so they weren't having to reach as far. Even so, the angle wasn't quite right, and again: back seat of a car. Space was at a premium, so Bucky broke off the kiss after a minute and dropped to the floor mats.

He winced at how carelessly he'd landed, adjusting himself through his trousers.

"You know," Natasha said, "if you'd come back up here I could take care of you."

Bucky shook his head as she readjusted to face him. "We ain't goin' anywhere yet, no need to rush."

"Rush? Nothing rushing about it baby," she said, hooking one of her legs on his shoulder so he was in close. His eyes darkened, and one of his hands creeped over her thigh like he didn't notice what he was doing. "We went through a fucking horrible party to get to the nice fucking part of our evening, didn't we?"

"Yeah honey," he breathed.

"So I don't think it's asking that much for you to plow me through the back seat, do you?"

Bucky hummed, licking along the length of her clit as he considered. He ran the flat of his tongue on her slit, loving the way her hips jerked and she moaned like it was all she wanted in the world. "I'd love to Natasha, but I'm gonna spread you out on our bed and do you right, this time."

"Ah- but, car sex is so much fun."

"Fun, but it ain't sweet."

"Aw c'mon, who needs sweet when I can be reminded of how big your cock is in my ass."

"You'll get that when we get home just as well as you would in here."

"It's not the same," Natasha mock-complained, but even that was gone when Bucky rubbed a finger against her perineum. "Fuck Bucky, come on, come on, I want you."

"Want you too sweetheart, but we can make it."

"You're such an ass," she groaned, knocking her head back as he kept licking and toying his fingers along the spots where she was sensitive. "You keep throwing around this 'we' word," she said, rolling her hips towards him in a futile attempt to convince him to touch her more, "but I'm the only one suffering."

"You think it's not killin' me to not touch you the way I want to?" he murmured, hugging one of her legs to him as he continued. "Nothin' about this is easy for me honey." Wanting Natasha was like a low flame in his gut, always there. Sometimes it flared or spit sparks, but it was a constant companion, something he'd gotten used to handling otherwise they'd never leave their home. It wasn't easy to not press her down and fuck her slow and smooth, but it was familiar.

"Then throw a girl a bone." She paused, shooting him a shit-eating grin that was in no way diminished by the makeup that was smudged all over her face. "Get it? Bone?"

Bucky chuckled. "I have an idea."

"Great!"

"You're not gonna like it."

"Aw Bucky, come on," she said, pouting. It was a tits out look, and Bucky loved her that much more for it. She heaved a put-upon sigh and flicked her fingers, gesturing for him to come back on the seat. He did, and she picked up handfuls of her skirt so she could slide onto his lap. "See? Much better," she grinned. Then, because she wanted to tease him a little too, she positioned her ass over his cock, rubbing herself on top of his trousers.

"God honey." His hands went to her hips, and they moved together for a while, kissing leisurely. Bucky didn't mean to, but he started gripping her tighter. By the time they stopped, he had to relax his hand enough that he knew she'd have a bruise in the morning. He smoothed his fingers over the skin like it might heal her. He licked his lips, glancing out the darkened window. No street lights or lit up signs, just the even lighting of Natasha's garage beneath the Tower. "I guess we're home now."

"Looks that way," she said, sucking on the hinge of his jaw. "Let's get upstairs." She rolled off to be sitting next to him and pulled the straps of her dress back onto her shoulders.

"Good idea." Bucky gingerly adjusted himself through his trousers, following Natasha as she opened the car door and stepped outside, letting her dress fall down to cover herself. He grabbed the discarded underwear and shoved it in his pocket so Happy wouldn't have to pick it up later. As they were walking, he slung an arm around her hips, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Love you."

"You're about to love me more, remember?" she said with a grin, dropping her hand down to grope his ass.

"Course I do. I can't forget a damn thing about you, and I like it that way." Bucky scooped her up, relishing the surprised squeak she gave. He grinned as he hurried to the elevator, and she halfheartedly swat at his shoulder.

"A little warning wouldn't kill you."

"Yeah but that's not as much fun." He jabbed at the up button, stepping inside when they opened a second later. "Does this count as a warning?"

"Huh?"

He dropped her back to her feet, crowding her against the wall in an instant, before she really had the time to be indignant with him. The elevator ride was a hell of a lot shorter than he remembered, but maybe he'd lost himself in kissing her-- which had been known to happen. He moved to walk out of the elevator, pulling up short when Natasha grabbed his sleeve.

"Not going to carry me to our room?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well if you insist, honey," he grinned, picking her up again. She gave a delighted laugh, striking a pose with her foot in a point. Bucky hurried to their room, kicking the door closed. He set her down long enough to push the straps of the dress down and shimmy the rest off and over her hips so it fell to the ground in a puddle. He leaned down to put an arm under her ass and lifted, taking the few steps to get closer to the bed, and tossed her on. She gave a comical little bounce, bits of her wiggling in a way that should have made him laugh but instead made him more desperate to touch her.

Bucky started pulling at his clothes, in such a hurry that he was pretty sure he ripped a few seams on his criminally expensive suit that Natasha had bought him. The second he was naked, he climbed on the bed, hovering over her.

Natasha moaned as he licked into her mouth, putting her hands on his back and yanking him down so that he was covering all of her. They rubbed together and she moaned louder, thrusting her hips up for more friction. "If you don't grab the lube and fuck me, I'm going to do it myself."

"Shouldn't you have learned patience when you've been alive this long?"

"Fuck you," she gasped.

"Guess not," Bucky said, equally breathless. He pressed another searing kiss to her mouth before reaching into the nightstand. They only had lube and condoms in there, but every fucking time he tried to grab them it's like they vanished. "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me," he growled, rolling off of her so he'd be closer to the drawer and could see inside. Now that he had eyes on it, it was right underneath his hand. "Of fucking course." He threw the lube on the bed and grabbed a condom from the box, slapping it on the tabletop so he wouldn't lose it in the blanket.

"Seeing you all hot and bothered is always the best," Natasha teased.

Bucky went to say something in reply-- hopefully witty but the more turned on he got, the less likely that was-- but his mouth went dry. She had her legs bent at the knee and spread, pressing a dry finger at her entrance. It wasn't much, just a flutter to get her to relax a little quicker. One of her legs was angled close to him, so he curved a hand around the inside of her thigh and pressed a kiss to her knee before moving back into place between her legs.

He grabbed the lube and poured some into his right hand, coating the first two fingers on his left hand. He pressed in slowly, knowing that she could take it so long as he took his time. He nibbled at her hipbone as she loosened up, sucking a hickey into the skin. He moved his fingers out and back in leisurely, moving his mouth up and making another mark.

"That's good," she breathed, chest heaving. "Add another."

He took his fingers out and spread more lube on them, adding a third finger.

All of Natasha's breath left her like a punch to the gut, and she started rocking her hips before her body was truly ready for it. "Fuck. God, Bucky."

He dipped his tongue in her belly button and kissed his way higher until she fisted a hand in his hair and yanked him up for a proper kiss. Bucky moaned, opening his mouth wider as she kissed him filthily-- all tongue and teeth and sharp desire. He twisted his fingers and she whimpered, her hips thrusting down involuntarily as she held him tighter. Bucky's hand grabbed at her leg, forgetting about the lube on his hand and smearing it all over.

Natasha broke off with a laugh, glancing down at her leg. "You do know how to make a mess baby."

"I'll clean it up," he promised kissing her again. He curved his fingers inside of her, waiting until she gave a jerk and gasped as he massaged her prostate. Maybe he was a little evil, because he didn't stop until her face was flushed completely red and she was shaking underneath him. He pulled his fingers out gently and headed to the bathroom, grabbing a handful of washcloths. He gave a haphazard wipe to his hands and threw it in the laundry bin, then brought the rest out. Bucky wiped her leg as clean as he could, but they both knew the only thing that would get her clean was a shower.

"Fuck you and your niceties," Natasha mumbled, licking her lips and trying to put more feeling back in her limbs.

"Nah honey, you love it as much as I love you."

"Sap."

"Yep." He grabbed the condom from the top of the nightstand and opened the foil packet, rolling it on. He spread some lube over his cock and wiped off his hand on one of the clean washcloths. Natasha hooked a hand under one of her knees and pulled it higher in clear invitation. Bucky pressed the head of his cock at her entrance and rolled his hips, sliding inside.

"Bucky," she groaned, throwing her head back. "Fuck fuck fuck, now is not the time to tease once you bottom out you better make me forget my name."

"You got it darlin'," he said. His eyes were dark as he looked down at her, thrusting in an inch at a time until he was close enough to bend down and kiss her again.

"For fuck's sake, move."

Bucky rolled his hips, then pulled out a little and thrust back in. Rolled his hips, leaned down and kissed her. He leaned up, grabbed her legs for leverage then did as she asked and started fucking her in earnest. When Bucky thrust in, he pulled her back against him. Natasha put an arm up to brace against the headboard and started moving with him.

The room filled with the sound of skinning hitting skin, Natasha's higher pitched moans like a harmony with Bucky's lower ones. He started moving faster, pounding into her. He didn't realize how keyed up he'd been because he was so focused on her, but he could already feel his orgasm in reach, molten heat pooling in his abdomen.

"Bucky," Natasha whimpered, reaching one hand to start jacking herself off. "God, Bucky." The blue glow of the arc reactor was lighting up her face, not hiding how red her cheeks had gotten. Her makeup was a goddamn mess and Bucky wanted to remember how she looked like this forever. She stiffened and clenched around him like a vise, biting her lip hard as she came all over her stomach.

"Fuck," Bucky bit out, slamming into her and grinding his hips against her ass as he came, filling the condom. He kept rolling his hips against hers as he rode both of them through it, panting. That was a hell of a lot more intense than he'd gotten used to. It was always good, but it usually wasn't like that.

By the time Bucky caught his breath, Natasha was grinning at him. "I must have done something great to deserve that."

"Oh yeah," Bucky said, easing out. He carefully took off the condom and tied it, stumbling over to the bathroom to toss it in the trash. She wiped herself off lazily and threw back the covers-- laundry was a problem for tomorrow or possibly later tonight depending on much a mess they'd really made. He got back to bed and collapsed next to her, throwing an arm over her stomach and pulling her closer.

Natasha hummed and wiggled around until she found a comfortable position, pulling the blanket up to their chests.

"I love you so fuckin' much," Bucky murmured, kissing the top of her head.

"I know," she said, smiling softly as she returned the kiss to his shoulder. "I love you too." She yawned, stretching then settling to where she was more on top of him. "And not just for the sex, though that's good too."

Bucky was walking back from a trip to buy chips, and he saw a tabloid. Plastered to the cover was a grainy photo of him and Natasha, and the headline screamed that they were breaking up because she was done with her boy-toy. Bucky rolled his eyes and kept walking. "Bullshit," he couldn't help but mutter, even though it wasn't getting under his skin anymore.

He'd started saying "I love you," to Natasha all the time, and she'd started saying it just as often. It was hard to feel insecure about their relationship when less than an hour ago, she was looking at him with little hearts and sparkles in her eyes as she told him that she loved him.

He switched the bag from one hand to the other and continued on home. He had one incredibly gorgeous girlfriend waiting for him, and he wasn't going to spend extra time away from her.

#winteriron #marvel #fanfic #lemon #bucky barnes #tony stark #my writing #commissions

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