#crazy chinese dude

[newtstesco]

How chaotic do you think the villains from smg3s plan to destroy smg4 because he felt like would be when they all hang out

i fucking LOVE this episode to little bits and pieces, so lemme go over how i interpret each character (since they don’t show up like ever i can just lie and make shit up abt them and no one can tell me i’m wrong)

bowser- OBVIOUSLY the dad friend, tho idk if he counts since he does get kicked out of the group towards the end, but generally if he suggests they should do something that isn’t super evil everyone’s usually down for it.

smg3- literally the only one that wants to do super evil shit, acts like he’s in charge so everyone just lets him be in charge, i won’t go into too much detail since he’s literally still around and mostly the reason why everyone still watches the channel. but anyways he’s a pathetic loser, cringefail guy

xboxfan996- such a silly little guy, literally does not care if they succeed in killing smg4, just happy to hang out with people

x- idk why but i headcannon him as russian do not argue with me in this anyways he spends the whole video trying to not posses people since that’s his main form of being evil so he’s just kinda super uncomfortable being out in the open and shit

the visitor/ silent guy- so literally in the original video he’s from (sm64 bloopers: the visitor) hes completely mute for most of the video so i’m just taking that as like, he’s absolutely mute the whole time and no one knows sign language so everyone thinks he’s weird, even though he’s probably one of the smartest people in the group

crazy chinese dude- he’s not very evil so he’s just there to be weird tbh, very confused since he’s technically not a villain, he just yelled at smg4 once for showing up at his house

john geyham- smug shithead i love him, greasy game show host. is constantly beefing with smg3 since he feels like he ripped off his color palette and that he should be in charge

robot clone- so like after he blew up, i realized that his graphic was hall 9000’s little red eye thingy, and that hall 9000 appears in another video as a villain, and hall 9000 shows up in the crystal when smg3 uses it to bring all the villains back, but he’s not in this video? so personal head cannon, i think robot clone and hall 9000 ended up in the same scrap heap and sort of reached a symbiosis that hall can hang out in robot clone’s brain, and robot clone has the processing power now to still function

bot- weird gay nerd, thinks he’s smarter and way cooler than everyone else, he is pretty smart since most of these people are pretty dumb but he’s still mostly like a weird middle schooler

crazy toilet dude- pretty amicable when you’re not mean to his toilets, he’s just some dude who likes toilets and is participating because he thinks everyone there is a loser who needs guidance

tђє ๓๏ภรtєг/pepsi- literally he couldn’t fit in most the places to be evil, so i’m assuming he just left and blew up some toads during the video or some shit, maybe terrorized glowshire or the whoop whoop kingdom

anyways they all live in bloopersville in a big house and commit evil atrocities (inconveniencing the community and being loud in public places)

[somethings-monstrous]

Us: *Jam packed into the front, rapid switching, blurry af*

Stomach: *growls* 🥺🥺

Us: *freezes*....oh no

[laisai]

my landlord is so nice i always feel so guilty I can't clean more and take care of the place better 😭

like im not kidding she's very genuine and kind. she thinks about affordability for me and tried to help me save money and is hesitant to even rent out at market price after i leave because market price is insane and unaffordable; she'd rather lose money and help rent to good people...

😭😭

anyway ik many landlords are awful, even if theyre not the big company type ones, but there's also genuinely good people out there who happen to have spaces to rent out and understand that being a landlord comes with a lot of responsibility.

[beatrixstonehill2]

"I can't believe this is happening to me! It's so disgusting I can't stand it. And to make matters worse my big sweaty cock gets harder and more needy with every pound I pile on. When I started transitioning I was so hot. Perfect, really. My cock was only one inch. I was thinking of having the tiny thing removed, maybe. But my many boyfriends seemed to like rubbing it and slapping it as they came in my tight, perky ass. Everything was going so well! I was the girl I always dreamed of being, ultra girly, putting most cis girls to shame with how traditionally feminine I was, absolutely filthy, always down 100% of the time to please any guy that wanted me. Anywhere in public, I was never a prude. If a man lifted my skirt or dress to fuck my ass in public, I'd lift it higher for them and tell them to go as hard as they want. If a guy exposed himself at me and jerked off, I'd rush over to suck him off or offer my ass. I was the perfect girl! And then this happened.....

So, guys love to dote on girls they date. And I, boy crazy as I was, loved going on dates with as many boys as possible. Multiple times a day. I didn't really think my love of taking boys on dates out very much. More proof I'm a perfect girl--I'm pretty ditzy and stupid..... I was taking each boy out and they'd have one meal and that's it. I'd go from eating pizza, to bottomless pasta bowls, to a Chinese buffet, to all-you-can-eat wings. I couldn't very well disappoint my dates and not put on a show. Men love a dirty, pretty girl who can keep up with their eating, and drinking! I of course drank whole pitchers of beer with most meals. I started noticing I was getting kind of messy. I wouldn't wipe my face or hands off as eagerly, staying as pretty as possible mattered less than putting on a show and stuffing my face for these guys, knowing it made their cocks soooo hard to see me overeat!

I began belching, sometimes even drinking so much beer I'd soil myself, and just giggle about it. Overeating made me so horny. But I didn't realize how badly I was neglecting my feminine side..... I started forgetting my estrogen, I ate so much red meat and other foods it triggered my body to release testosterone. My cock started getting big, so did my testicles. Soon, I, this once petite pretty girl, was pushing 200lbs, hung bigger than most men that fucked me. My erections became impossible to hide. Worse yet, I'd ejaculate prematurely as the worst times. Like some horny junior high kid, I'd talk to a cute guy, and instead of being in control, sexy, dominant and confident in my body, I'd be chubby, sweaty, stuttering, and ejaculate mid conversation with no warning, having to apologize.....

Men still loved it, and found the grosser, fatter version of me equally as hot, but now a new issue arose..... The men that took me out on dates and fucked me weren't just gym dudes who liked to see a woman keep up once in a while, these guys wanted me fatter. I wasn't eating five meals a night like before. I was eating four or five meals at one restaurant, then I'd get picked up by the next guy and have to force down another four or five. I've gone from 210lbs to 340lbs in just six months. I'm ballooning so fast none of my old cute clothes fit. Nothing does. I wear clothes a few sizes bigger now because I know I'm just going to get fatter. It makes me so hard thinking of how fat and disgusting I'm becoming. I don't need my hands to cum at all, I just need to stuff my face and picture myself double this size and my fouteen-inch monster cock shoots rope after rope of cum, which I don't bother cleaning. I reek of semen and sweat all the time and my boyfriends love how bad I stink.....

I used to dance and be super active, fuck with loads of energy. Now I just gorge myself, making gross moans, belching and farting constantly, bathing only a couple times a month.... I don't really do my hair or makeup or try to look cute. I'm just a fat slob. I eat as men fuck me. I hardly move. If I try to ride them they stop me and tell me not to burn any excess calories. I just get chauffeured from date to date, eat so much I occasionally puke all over my big fat gut, only to order more and keep eating. I get fucked as I keep eating. I'm not a cute, sexy girl anymore. I never will be again. I'm a disgusting whale. A blimp, getting bigger every day, piling on as much lard as possible to please all of my feeders. Someday I'll be immobile, and they'll probably take turns caring for me as I stuff my face, hooked up to oxygen, my heart pounding through my chest. My cock over twenty inches long but so buried in lard it probably just looks like feminine little nub again. I'll have no choice but to get as fat as I possibly can, to satisfy their cocks, and my own..... I know it's my destiny. I already get completely winded just walking up one flight of stairs. My heart pounds like I ran a marathon, my belly and saggy tits drenched in sweat. I'm so disgusting. But I have no choice..... Like I said, I'm the perfect girl, I'm only interested in being exactly what other boys want me to be. And if boys want me to be a giant pile of moaning lard? A good girl like me has no choice....."

[iszaranothere]

Dialogue prompts but they're things the GameGrumps have said

Struggling to start your scene? Having trouble writing dialogue? Don't worry, I've got you fam. I even sorted them into two catagories, a clean one and a more vulgar one, for your pleasure. If you end up using one of them, by all means tag me in the post, I'd love to see it.

Clean quotes

"And then I fired, and then I missed."

"The bananas has gone bad!"

"BECAUSE HE'S A GREAT KISSER! …Is what I've been told."

"I don't understand why the Chinese don't just use forks and spoons."

"Shutting down. Rebooting."

"There's so many places that aren't Andorra!"

"Jennifer dumped me."

"Did you point? Did you point? DID YOU POINT?!"

"Today is football."

"I'm gonna lay face-down on the radiator."

"Just what the heck is going on here?"

"UNAVOIDABLE CHIN MOVE!"

"The carbuncle ate itself."

"At age six I was born without a face."

"Great to see you again! You must die."

"I'm grapes!"

"Why did my dad birth me?"

"That's crazy. Especially since… who cares."

"I'm the video game boy! I'm the one who wins!"

"Bienvenue powerbottoms!"

"MY DAD WORKS AT NINTENDO!"

"With great confidence comes great wonfidence."

"Get bigger hands!"

"MORE ONION PLEASE."

"Why do I have to suffer in this meat prison?"

"That baby is not a baby, that is a jelly bean with a face."

"I HAS BRO! DO YOU HAS BRO?"

"JUST SOMETHING HAPPEN PLEASE."

Vulgar quotes

"I mean look at the way he slurps up his soup, what an asshole."

"Don't believe me? Look at my resume! Thirty years experience in jacking off!"

"MY DICK'S FALLEN OFF."

"If you shit in a bowl of rice crispies, do they go snap crackle poop?"

"Who needs a blue coin when you got a fucking mental breakdown coming in the back of your head?"

(sing-songy) "My asshole burns 🎶"

"I'm gonna pre dude."

"It's Clifford the big red stab wound."

"You think Sonic shits?"

"What's more in the spirit of Christmas than eating ass?"

"I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking kill you. I'll fucking murder your face, fuck you."

"I feel like I just came back from a mythical creature bukkake."

"Plump, sweet and begging for cream!"

"Isn't it weird how at least once a day your hand is touching your asshole?"

"GOD! IT'S SO HARD TO FUCKING FUCK!"

"I was the greatest load my dad ever shot."

"You think I came out of the pussy drawing fucking Mozart?"

"Oh, bump off you bumpin' grasshoe."

"I would fuck anything on this screen, including the animals and the bicycle."

"The only thing I bust are rhymes and nuts."

"Am I about to see your skyward sword?"

"WE WON'T LET THOSE FUCKERS TAKE THIS LAND!"

"I fucked a cantaloupe once."

[gyupinkys]

APRIL 12TH, 3:36PM

XU MINGHAO X YANDERE READER

WC: 2.7K

Minghao is hiding something from you.

You're hiding something from Minghao.

WARNINGS: MURDER, GORE, VIOLENCE, GUNS, WEAPONS, TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, MANIPULATION, YANDERE, unprotected sex, public sex, sex with a corpse in the room (yes this happened again idk how we got here), scary dirty talk?, this is just Y/N being insane.

Minghao is the light of your life. From the moment you first saw him on April 12th, at 3:36pm you were mesmerized. His all black attire, mullet, nails, everything; it did it for you. Of course he didn’t notice you, only because you didn’t want him to. Being able to blend in was a gift; you preferred to play in the shadows anyways. From that moment you tried to learn everything you could about him. The instagram and twitter searches oddly led to nothing and linkedin was a no go.  Hmmm, either he has no social media presence or doesn’t want to be found. Even after hours of digging you still find nothing. 

You decide to revisit the cafe you saw him at, maybe he’ll reappear. You can’t say you’re too shocked when he doesn’t. All you know is you need another taste of him, a sight of him, you need something, anything. 

“Excuse me.” you say to the worker behind the counter.

“Yes?” he says with an awful attitude, taking you aback.

“I think I lost my phone here a few days ago. Can I check the security cameras to see if someone stole it?”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?”

“I can’t show you them, lady.”

“Please.” you say batting your eyelashes at him and as always it works like a charm

“Maybe if you do me a favor, I’ll let you see.”

Gross. “Sounds like a plan” you smirk, trying not to throw up.

You follow him to the back to which he promptly pulls down his pants. You can’t help but laugh, his dick is so small. “What?” he says, sounding offended. “Nothing” you say and walk towards him. You pull out your trusty pistol and press it to his head. 

“Show me the tape.”

“You crazy bitch.”

That word always pisses you off. You’re not fucking crazy. You’re just passionate. 

“Shut the fuck up and show me the tape before I blow your fucking brains out.”

He immediately goes to the camera files and shows you the evening of April 12th. There he is. Your love. He somehow seems even more attractive. You sigh dreamily and the man next to you rudely interrupts to which you side eye him making him shut it. You take a copy of the file and erase the files from today in case this perv tries to go to the cops.

“Lovely doing business with you.”

You leave the cafe feeling like a teenager in love. He’s just so dreamy and you’re certain he’s sweet. As you rewatch the video on your phone you get an idea. Your friend Namjoon owes you one… hmm. If this is what it takes to find the man of your dreams so be it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You read the file left on your doorstep. Xu Minghao, 25, born on November 7, 1997, Chinese, 5’10, likes frogs? You fucking hate frogs, but If he likes them you like them. No occupation? He doesn’t look like someone who's broke. Maybe his parents are rich or something. Besides the basic information there's no current address, phone number, or information about school. This guy is basically a ghost.  How did they find out he liked frogs but not where he lives? You give Namjoon a call.

“Y/N.”

“Namjoon, why is there nothing about this dude?”

“He doesn’t want to be found for a reason.”

“Stop with the cryptic shit just tell me what his issue is.”

“Y/N I don’t think you want to know.”

“I swear to god.”

“He’s in the mafia. SVT. You don’t want to get involved with him.”

Oh. This does to deter you, if anything it makes you like him more. A dangerous man is a sexy man. You don’t want him if he can’t kill someone for you. 

“You gotta introduce us.” 

“No.”

“Why.”

“I did you your favor already. Plus I don’t approve of this.”

“How the fuck am I supposed to meet someone in the mafia on my own accord.”

“Y/N don’t act like you're not a criminal. You just pretend to be a good girl but we both know you’re not. I’m sure you’ll figure it you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He really likes tea. This is the third pack of tea he’s bought this week. Why not just buy more than one at a time? He walks through the aisles of the store like he always does, pretending to browse but knowing he’s just going to buy frog gummy bears. It’s the same thing every time. You pass by him and take a deep breath. He smells so good. You’re not sure how he hasn't noticed you yet. You’ve been a bit sloppy, trying to get as close to him as possible. He’s seen you walking around his apartment complex, at his favorite stores, at the park he meditates at, but he hasn’t seen you. You decide you’ve learned enough about him to finally approach him. As he’s about to leave the tea aisle you take this as your opportunity. 

“Excuse me” you say sweetly.

He turns around, seemingly shocked someone is speaking to him. 

“Yes?”

“Is that tea good?” you smile sweetly.

“Oh this? Yea it’s my favorite.”

“Hmm, maybe I should try it. I don’t really know much about tea.”

“I like to think of myself as a tea connoisseur,” he says with a kind smile. Perfect, he’s letting his guard down.

“Well lucky me, huh?”

“You’re blessed to be in the presence of an expert so yes, lucky you.”

He begins to go on and on about different types of teas, benefits, and a whole lot of other crap you’re not listening to. You just can't believe he’s speaking to you, looking at you, perceiving you. This must be heaven. 

“Can I ask your name?” you say as you two near the checkout.

He clearly weighs his options, deciding you seem innocent enough. 

“Hao.” he says, making you smile.

“Hi, Hao. I’m Y/N.”

From there you two “coincidentally” bumped into each other often. The interactions become friendlier and more comfortable. The smiles turned into longing eyes, small touches. You’ve eliminated any threats, any woman or man who looked his way too long had to go. You couldn't let anyone take you from him now that you had him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Baby, I need to go to work.” Hao whispers, trying not to disturb you too much. He knows you need your sleep, he has to leave at such weird times he feels bad. You’d think after a year of dating he’d have the balls to confess to you but he can’t. How are you supposed to tell your sweet, innocent, loving girlfriend you kill people for a living? He feels awful lying to you about his work, his life. You’ve been begging to meet his friends and family but he keeps denying you. He doesn't want to involve you in this lifestyle. You give him a tired smile and nod. “Ok, I’ll see you later.” you say and give him a kiss.

Minghao leaves your apartment and drives to the base. He has a few things to do today and then he can get back to you. He misses you already.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For someone in the mafia Hao is way too trusting and honestly kind of stupid. Did he not think sharing his location with you would be an issue? Of course the kind innocent girlfriend would never be watching his every move, checking street security cameras to watch what he does, who he talks to, what he looks at. You see he’s meeting a woman at a restaurant. The fuck? Does she want to die? They go into the restaurant and you lose sight of them. Without thinking you head to the restaurant. Just the thought of him talking to another woman infuriates you. He would never cheat on you, he’s too much of an angel and you’re sure if he did it wouldn’t be his fault. He was probably coerced or blackmailed, he would never do that. You speed to the restaurant and park a few blocks away. By now the sun has gone down and the streetlights have turned on. You wait for them to leave in the alley near the restaurant. They bid their goodbyes and Hao walks away after confirming his lady friend has a rise coming, always such a gentleman. Once he drives off the woman starts walking away; she must've lied. Unfortunate for her, great for you. You start crying in order to gain her attention. As she walks by you emerge.

“Excuse me.” you sob.

She looks at you bewildered. “Oh my goodness, are you alright?” she walks into the alley to get closer to you.

“Some girl tried to mug me and I’m waiting for the police. Can you come and wait with me, I want to make sure she doesnt leave.”

She immediately agrees and follows you deeper in. So gullible…

When she’s a little ahead of you, you reach into your back pocket and pull out the hammer you brought with you. 

“You think you can talk to my boyfriend and get away with it?”

She turns to look at you. “What? Minghao?”

“Yeup.”

“He’s dating you?” She says in disgust.

You just stare at her. She’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable and as she goes to walk past you, you swing the hammer into her face making her fall to the ground. You straddle her and beat her face in, hitting her over and over and over until the ground is covered in her skull and brain. You don’t stop until you hear movement behind you.

“Y/N?”

You freeze. He wasn’t supposed to see this. You stand up looking down at your pretty pink dress now stained red. You drop the hammer, ready to start crying. You’re searching for a story to tell him. Self defense always works right? 

He just starts laughing. You look up at him confused. 

“Baby, baby, baby. I didn’t know you had it in you.” he says as he begins walking towards you. He takes his chin in your hand and looks into your eyes. “Why did you kill her?”

You just pout, too embarrassed to answer. “Was it because I spoke to her? Were you jealous.”

You just nod, ashamed but not apologetic. “She had it coming. She didn't think I deserved you.”

“Do you deserve me?”

Your face falls. “I just killed someone for you and you’re asking if I deserve you?” you spit, letting the sweet persona drop.

“Y/N. Do you think I have not known what you really were this whole time? I’m not stupid. I know you're a psycho stalker. I saw you all those times before we started dating, I know you looked into me, I know you follow me around, track me. I know this is all a facade.”

You feel your world falling apart. This can’t be happening. He backs you into a wall. “Hao I just do it because I love you.”

“And I love you, but you fell for my trap baby. You can’t go around killing people.”

“But you do that all the time.”

He breathes out a laugh. “Well you got me there baby.”

“Wait, what trap?”

“I needed to prove my suspicions; catch you in the act. I was supposed to kill her, but I figured I'd use her as bait. And you're just so predictable. You just killed her with no remorse. You’re just crazy.”

You take a deep breath. You’re not fucking crazy. You look him in the eye. “I’m not crazy.”

“Well clearly I am, because seeing you kill that bitch turned me on.” 

“What?”

“You heard me. Seeing this pretty little dress I bought you covered in blood. God, It’s making me so hard.”

Well this is new. You go to speak only to be cut off by a rough kiss. He grinds his hips into you and he wasn’t lying he’s harder than ever. He begins kissing and biting down your neck, rubbing his hands across your blood soaked body. 

“If I tell you to kill someone else would you do it?”

“Yes” you immediately answer.

“Would you do anything for me?”

“Yes.” your breathing is picking up. He’s so close to you, you can feel his chest rise with every breath, his fingers tighten around your waist, everything. 

“You're just my little lap dog, huh? My every wish is your command?” you nod furiously as he sinks to his knees, hiking your legs on his shoulders. He bunches your dress on your hips and pulls your panties to the side. He dives in, eating you like his favorite food, the vigor and intensity driving you mad. “Hao, please fuck me I want to cum on your dick.” He groans, setting you down gently. 

“You want me to fuck you in this dingy alley? With people passing? What would look worse, them finding the body or them finding us covered in blood, fucking next to a body?”

You honestly dont give a fuck about either, all you want his his dick in you. “Hao please just fuck me.”

“I don’t know, Baby.”

“If you don't put your dick in me right now, I’ll show you how crazy I can be.”

He groans. He unbuttons his slacks and pulls his boxers down enough to pull himself out. He hikes you up the wall and pushes in, bottoming out immediately. “Fuckkk, just the thought that you killed someone just so you can have me is making me want to cum in this sweet pussy right now. But you deserve an award for being so good to me right?”

“Please. I deserve it.” you moan.

He begins thrusting into you, hard and deep, trying to make you cum. The feeling of his arms holding you, his body heat on yours, and the adrenaline running through your body, it’s all driving you crazy. He angles his hips upward, searching for the spot that drives you crazy. 

“Tell me, what was it about me that made me want you so much?” he whispers in your ear.

“You just- y-you looked so hot, and you sm- smelled so good and ughh.” Every word you say he thrust into you harder making you unable to get a full sentence out. He’s taunting you. “Do you not love me?” he says slowing down. “Is that what it is? You don’t want me?” 

“No, no I do! I want you so bad Hao.”

“I don’t think so.” he says as he puts you back on the floor. “I don’t think you love me as much as you say you do. You just want me because I’m pretty? You don’t really love me.”

“What do I need to do to show you? I’ll do anything Baby.”

“I want you to kill someone else for me. Get more blood on your hands.”

“Right now? Just tell me who, I’ll do it.” you start walking back towards the street to which he pulls you back.

“God, Baby. You don’t know what seeing you like this does to me. So obsessed with me that you’ll blindly follow what I say. This power is going to my head.”

You groan, feeling delirious. You just want to cum at this point and these games he’s playing is pissing you off. You reach into his suit pocket and pull out his gun pointing it to  his head.

“I may love you but I love cumming more. Get to it.”

“Yes Ma’am”

He presses your hands against the wall and slides back into you from behind. He starts pounding into you ruthlessly, you feel every ridge and vein of his cock. You want to scream, cry, laugh, anything. You feel like you’re genuinely losing your mind, so overwhelmed by everything you're feeling. You start crying only making him fuck you harder. 

“Cry for me baby, let me see all those pretty tears.” he groans in your ear.

His feral groan makes you cum, squeezing him so tight he slips out. He jerks himself off, cumming onto your ass with a quiet moan. You try to catch your breath. That was so intense, you still feel like you’re on a different planet. He turns you around and pulls you into his chest. His warm embrace grounds you like it always has. 

“I love you. You’re so good to me, Baby.” he says as he hugs you harder.

“I love you too, Hao. So much.”

You both step over the body, leaving the alley hand in hand.You look at him under the moonlight. As beautiful as the day you saw him but even more beautiful now that he’s yours. 

[fourteentrout]

random headcanons about ACOTAR men

i've already brought some of these up in pasts posts or comment sections but i'd figured i'd put them here too for fun

i always imagined helion as being like. ridiculously tall. like 7 feet at LEAST.

though all high fae have unnaturally long limbs and fingers, it's most obvious with the vanserras.

tamlin's canines can obviously lengthen into fangs, but even when they're resting naturally, they're visibly sharper than average.

rhysand's ears are pointed, but have more of a round arch to them and they're less long than non-mixed high fae ears.

i've talked about this one before, but high fae don't really have facial or body hair aside from pubic hair--and im talking like only in the crotch region, not pubic hair like under the arms, or even trailing below the belly button. they can't grow beards, and their smoothness is just another testament to their distinct lack of humanity. this applies to almost all high fae, except tamlin. he def has a happy trail and can grow stubble at the very least. his father considered it somewhat of an abomination, and would use it as an excuse to punish him when he couldn't come up with any other "valid" reason.

lucien's eye prosthetic extends beyond the actual eye--the gold gilding has also been implanted within the areas of flesh that had been clawed away above and below the eye socket, as almost a metallic skin graft, so it almost looks like he doesn't just have a mechanical gold eye, but an entirely gold skull underneath.

eris vanserra has short hair, and his drip is endless. he prizes jewelry as one of the most important garments a male can wear and is never seen leaving the house without it. his outfits are always tailored perfectly.

i always saw tarquin as having either desi features or central american indigenous features, but with hair shorn almost in a buzz, reminiscent of the style of deep-water free divers. i know it's an uncommon interpretation, but it's been what i've envisioned him as from the start.

in a similar vein, I always saw thesan as east asian, because i'm like 95% sure he states that his parents are from xian, which i assume is SJM's stand in for all of asia, which obviously encompasses an insanely large amount of cultures and common physical features depending on area. however, i always pictured him as specifically chinese inspired because xi'an is an actual city in china that has been around for a WICKED long time, so i just always assumed he was modeled with a chinese visual in mind.

cassian is bisexual. this one i've had since maybe the moment he was introduced. the bisexual vibes just radiate off of him i can't explain it.

azriel is a switch but he's more into bottoming than people often assume.

eris enjoys sports.

the illyrian males have traditional styles of dance reminiscent of hardcore slavic dances, like the ones where the dudes are like spinning around on their knees and crazy shit like that. the more they are able to keep their wings from scraping the ground, the more successful a dancer they are considered to be.

ok i have to go to bed so that is all for now

[octuscle]

Suitcase Alert! I've a Symposium in New York for tax law. Yes, it's really annoying and I'd like to do something more interesting than that in my life and career. The airport lost my suitcase. I really need it because my notes for my speech are in it. They promise to send it soon. Now I get one but that's not mine! I'll sue them!

Yeah, there's really little you can do with this suitcase. the owner pretty obviously doesn't work in a white-collar job. Fuck, this is really hard now. At least you got the hotel to clean your suit and shirt. Even if the laundry in the suitcase looks old, worn and cheap, at least it's obviously freshly laundered. No one will notice. At the most, there is a risk that someone will see the socks. You have to stand if possible, then no one will see it. What sucks is your lecture. You spend the night before the symposium in the hotel and reconstruct everything from memory. You can't do anything anyway. You sit in your dirty underwear in your hotel room and wait for your suit to come back from the cleaners.

The next morning everything looks perfect. You have finished your presentation and can probably deliver it quite freely now. Suit and shirt are cleaned and ironed. Underwear and deodorant are fortunately in the suitcase. Old Spice. Not quite your style. But it will do for today.

To the congress centre you take the metro - faster than a taxi. And more sustainable. After all, your lecture is about the fiscal valuation of carbon dioxide emission papers. You should be credible there. A quick glance at the clock. Yes, everything is running like clockwork. But your balls are itching like crazy. And crazy things are going through your head. Now keep a clear head, you're the opening speaker. Show what you've got.

"Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed colleagues, dear friends, sustainability is one of the most important issues facing our society today and in the foreseeable future…" You have to pause for a moment… "The stuff ya're doin' with fuckin taxes is like proper difficult." Breathe in, Breathe out. "it's just like on the farm, if ya screw up, ya havta clean it up. N' if someone else does it, the one who did the shit has to pay. N' if the guy who did the shit is like smart, he'll get the money 'ack from uncle sam." Something is not going right. Not right at all. Whispering in the auditorium. You look down at your feet for a moment. No one will see the socks that don't match your suit. Because your feet are in dirty cowboy boots. "Um, ladies n' gentlemen, when ya emit carbon shit like that, that is like, when ya bla that stuff out, that's shit. That's what the people in Washington say. I dinnit give a shit about that shit. Hav any of ya ever seen this like? let the Chinese n' the fuckin' Europeans take care of it. After all, us are the fuckin' world police for the louses ova ther. USA! USA! USA!" A lady from the congress organisation comes on stage, thanks you for your original views and pulls you off the lectern.

"Dudes, thank yawl very much an havuh great day ," you say as a farewell. The lady asks you if she should call a doctor. "Naw, ma'am, Ahm fahn" you reply. You pull a tin of chewing tobacco out of the back pocket of your jeans. "Can Ah go now, or do yawl still need help hare? Ah don't lahk thuh big city thet much. Hif it's okay, Ahl make mah way home ." The lady asks if you have anything left in the cloakroom. "Nah, it's all in mah pickup truck, ma'am ".

You breathe a sigh of relief as you drive out of the underground car park and even more so when you cross the bridge. Open the windows, turn up the radio. The big city is impressive. But you really feel at home working in the oil field and with your buddies in the workers' barracks.

[meraki-yao]

Transcription and Translation of Taylor's Little Red Book Livestream (9th December 2023, to the best of my ability)

Q: Question A: Answer

Side Banters:

H: Host T: Taylor Anything in brackets: me or additional elaboration

Q: Asking him to share his experience of city walking in Shanghai earlier today

A: They went to Yu Garden which Taylor said was incredible, and he tried 糖葫蘆 Tanghulu, a traditional Chinese sweet which is candied Chinese Hawthorn

Q: How was the past few days for him and where did he go

A: He's been in China for four nights now (He came by himself btw) First night he stayed at the J Hotel which is the third tallest building in the world and the tallest hotel in the world. After that, he went to 濮院 (the venue for the GQ event) for two nights and it was incredible

Q: How's his jetlag?

A: It's hitting right now 😂 He's been drinking a lot of tea and getting better

Q: What led him to choose to become an actor instead of a competitive swimmer

A: That was an easy choice, he swan for 10 years and then decided he didn't want to swim in college, and then decided he didn't want to be a doctor (his brother's a doctor) and maybe disappointed his parents (H: No way!) It was a hard decision but he decided to move to LA and pursue acting (H: and you made it!)

Q: How is he enjoying being an actor?

A: It's tough, ups and downs. It's kind of like swimming, it's an individual activity, but you also get to collaborate with the community, which is fun.

Q: What are his favourite three movies and why?

A: The Matrix, Fight Club and Interstellar, he likes movie with a twist

Q: What type of music does he like

A: Deep House, Tropical House, Reggaeton

And then the host taught him a couple of Chinese phrases

Q: What sparked his interest in fashion

A: His dad bought him a subscription to GQ when he was younger which started his interest in fashion, and then he started watching fashion-related movies (like Brad Pitt in Allied) which further cultivated that interest. Maybe in the future, he'll try out characters like that

Q: Did he meet any friends in the GQ event?

A: He met Li Xian who he met in Italy earlier, otherwise met a lot of new people.

Q: Why is he passionate about being eco-friendly when it comes to fashion?

A: It was inspired initially by his mom. They lived in the countryside with horses, cows, and fields away from the city, and he has seven siblings (he's the sixth oldest/ third youngest) so there are a lot of hand-me-downs and not a lot of new things, so the family kept on using the same things. He gained a deeper awareness of the issue in recent years.

Q: Talk a bit about fashion sustainability

A: A lot of fast fashion material and clothes are thrown out really soon and disposed of really quickly (despite still being in good shape) but a lot of clothing material, especially synthetic fabric can't be recycled, so it's just like throwing out plastic. Actually, a lot of clothes can keep being reused and styled. He's had the inner shirt he's currently wearing for four years.

Q: Any future plans?

A: He has a film project early next year and there are other things he's excited about but can't talk about yet

Q: Is he going to Shanghai Disneyland?

A: He wants to but he doesn't have time

H: You don't even need to go to Disney you look like a Disney character already! (Damn right!!!)

Q: What food have you had in China so far?

A: Don't get him started on the subject of food 😂 He's had a Shanghainese Lunch today and a Cantonese (YAY) lunch yesterday, and he's looking for some spicy food for tomorrow. Also, he had a really crazy allergic reaction and his lips got giant (???). He needs to be careful with food.

T: I see talk about RWRB, what do you want to know? I'll give some secret intel

(me: YESSSSSSSSSS FINALLY)

RWRB questions speedrun:

Q: sequel?

A: ... He doesn't know. He says he thinks Casey has to write another book for that.

Q: Deleted scenes?

A: They're deleted for a reason (DUDE)

Q: BTS?

A: He says he has some on his phone and he would show us but he doesn't have his phone right now, he might post it later (PLEASE DO)

H: He's leaving after three days

T: (reading off comments) Come visit Hong Kong next time? Yeah! (me, who lives in Hong Kong: AHHHHHHHHHH)

Q: Do you know any Chinese nicknames of yours?

A: 忒樂. (tei le, or "Tay"-le) meaning too happy (I made a list of the boys' Chinese nicknames here)

Annddd... That's it! The live was pretty short, like 20 minutes? He ended it by picking up the phone and showing the audience the Shanghai city view himself (I was too busy typing to get a screenshot)

All transcription or interpretation mistakes are mine

[kazoologist]

Every Current Formula 1 Driver But I Decided They Were All Bugs

No Thoughts, Head Empty, Only Insects I Enjoyed From My Single Entomology Class Several Years Ago. Sorry to folks from outside the states. Most of these are like. my local critters.

Max Verstappen - Appalachian Jewelwing, Calopteryx angustipennis I have no reasoning behind this one. He just gives me the vibes of a damselfly kinda man.

Sergio Pérez - Synoeca Cyanea, a species of warrior wasp, or just the Synoeca genus again, literally no justification besides he's on the dark blue team and I just really like these wasps. Please read the Synoeca wikipedia page. they are SO cool.

Lewis Hamilton - Violet Carpenter Bee, Xylocopa violacea fashionable! cool lookin bee!

George Russell - Blue Hawker, Aeshna cyanea

Charles Leclerc - Cattle Killer/Cow Killer, Dasymutilla occidentalis (letting my south midwestern hick jump OUT here. most folks call em velvet ants)

Carlos Sainz - Red Admiral, Vanessa atalanta

Lando Norris - Walker's Cicada, Megatibicen pronotalis this is NOT meant to be a drag I actually love these freakishly loud animals but he just gives bright green cicada energy.

Oscar Piastri - Green Carpenter Bee, Xylocopa aerata cop out? yeah. good bee and something that feels correct? yes.

Fernando Alonso - Mourning Cloak, Nymphalis antiopa i love these fuckin bugs. absolute freaks of nature. they live for like a full year and they're always wandering around and getting up to something. plus they're very distinguished.

Lance Stroll - Common Buckeye, Junonia coenia I'm not even gonna elaborate on this one.

Valtteri Bottas - Eastern Cicada Hawk, Sphecius speciosus I just think they're neat!

Zhou Guanyu - Ebony Jewelwing, Calopteryx maculata blatant favoritism here. The ebony jewelwing is perhaps my all time favorite bug from home :) (its also v stylish)

Esteban Ocon - Chinese Mantis, Tenodera sinensis a noble creature that frequently scares the life out of me when i find one outside my window. Why the fuck are you so long. I appreciate u anyway.

Pierre Gasly - European Field Cricket, Gryllus campestris he just *feels* a bit crickety. Idk what to tell u man.

Kevin Magnussen - Halloween Beetle (or in America, the Japanese Lady Bug), Harmonia axyridis the most determined little bastard in the animal kingdom. They WILL get into your apartment through that microscopic sliver in the window.

Nico Hulkenberg - Green June Beetle, Cotinis nitida idk dude he just serves local scarab

Daniel Ricciardo - Black-And-Yellow Mud Dauber, Sceliphron caementarium im sure you are all noticing how much i love wasps by now. i was SO brave not making this a wasp only post. if ur american and a hick (hey girl(gn) hey) you'll know these guys From Constantly Being In Your Car's Inner Workings

Yuki Tsunoda - Bullet Ant, Paraponera clavata tiny but mighty!!!!! (short king solidarity)

Alex Albon - Great Black Wasp, Sphex pensylvanicus yet more blatant favoritism for my faves. Yes this post is so i can assign the williams boys and zg my fave types of local bugs. Anyway. this is one of the best wasps in the world. if u see her irl please stop for a moment to appreciate her. she's usually a docile species but she is very big and i love her. (good hunter too)

Logan Sargeant - Blue Dasher, Pachydiplax longipennis the ultimate late spring and all of summer insect of america. voted america's sweetheart of every local body of water eight millionth year in a row!!!! one of the best dragonflies in the country and i am serious!!! if u live in north america this summer, find a LAKE, a POND, A RIVER, perhaps even a CREEK!!!!!! A POOL WILL EVEN GET YOU! you'll find these folks. at current you might catch mating flight season!!! anyway. these are crazy good hunters and they're a beautiful little baby blue shade. anyway. logan and the rest of williams should go huntin for these when he gets back to florida. think it would fix em.

[gaslightgatekeepgirlbosscombat]

Group A, Round 4, Poll 2:

Propaganda under the cut

Jin Guangyao

Out of a desperate attempt to scrape out a space where he belongs, feels safe, and gets what was denied to him. ...He does not succeed at this and instead racks up an impressive body... not that anyone would believe it for a long time on account of all the aforementioned gaslighting

ancient Chinese equivalent of an underpaid retail worker. also the illegitimate son of a powerful sect leader, who rose to power and became leader of that very sect while murdering all the people who have ever wronged him along the way. with a manipulative smile and a knack for looking like a pitiable weakling, he participated in the genocide of an entire sect to earn his father's approval, he led on his best friend in order to better solocit his protection, and he tricked this same best friend into murdering their third friend for revenge. he also used sex workers to kill his shitty father AND murdered his own son, and then played the mourning son/father facade to perfection. right up until the moment he gets stabbed to death and everything falls apart is he relentlessly manipulative, dishonest, and corrupt.

I hate this man but his entire life is him gaslight gatekeep girlbossing. He made it to the top by killing, lying, torturing etc. all while smiling and acting like the sweetest thing since sugar. He killed an old friend wjo didn't trust him and kept his decapitated head in his closet Wiped out an entire clan Killed his son Killed his father Sent his half brother into a dangerous situation that got him killed, because he was jealous Found out his fiancée was his half sister, didn't tell her and married her anyway. When she found out about that and him murdering their son he tried so hard to convince her she was crazy and being manipulated by someone that hated him, and when that didn't work he sedated her, locked her away and drove her to suicide His other half brother was the subject of a lot of horrible rumours. And Jin Guangyao kicked him out, back to his mother's abusive family. I don't think the rumours are confirmed to be from him, but it's certainly suspicious, especially since he didn't like his half brother and saw him as competition Traumatised sex workers then killed them Worked with a serial killer, then tried to kill him Kept an undead man who was fully sentient sedated in captivity to experiment on him And many other things. He even died trying to make his friend feel bad. It worked. Despicable man

Yotsuyu goe Brutus

She was sold to a brothel by her shitty aunt and rose through the ranks to become a highly sought-after courtesan, eventually meeting up with one of the big bads who was impressed by her hatred for her home country of Doma. A lot of murder later and she got put in charge of Doma, exacted her revenge by basically torturing the citizens, and absolutely getting off on it.

propaganda by @mosthuggableffxiv:

Yotsuyu goe Brutus was treated like shit her entire life and girlbossed as hard as she could as revenge (more detail below). Her response to an extremely shitty childhood and early life was to become a spy for the Garlean Empire, which was occupying her home country, Doma, and apparently be good enough at that that she ended up as basically in charge of the country (as the dude from the empire who was actually in charge could not give less of a shit about governing--sorry Zenos fans, but it's true). Having harbored a lifelong hatred for her countrymen, she took advantage of her position to make them suffer--the player first sees her in a scene where she's trying to force a man to prove his loyalty to the Empire by shooting his own parents, for example. Later, when the player character has allied with the Doman resistance and confronts Yotsuyu in a decisive battle, she begins to dump her traumatic backstory… in order to delay her death long enough that she can bring a building down on the player character and other people important to the resistance, including the rightful heir to the Doman throne. She seemingly dies when the building collapses, but later comes back with amnesia, having completely forgotten her past and all the atrocities she committed. A significant amount of time is spent trying to figure out if this is a trick, because she would do that, but it turns out that's actually what happened… at least until her brother shows up and forces her to remember her past by re-introducing her to her shitty abusive parents. Newly herself, but now feeling guilty for the war crimes, she kills her shitty abusive parents and summons a primal (a godlike being) inside herself to either re-take Doma or die. The latter ends up happening, perhaps not surprising given the number of primals that the player character has personally slain, but saves the last of her strength to murder Asahi and thus dies with her need for revenge fully sated.

[maskedtruths666]

Short story! Have not decided if this will be a one part or two part series yet. THIS IS A FICTIONAL STORY

Summary: 4 characters in this story. The girl in green, Shermaine, is your cousin. The girl in blue, Glenda, is your girlfriend. Shermaine is in a long distance relationship with her boyfriend from America and her boyfriend, Gabriel, has insecurity issues and always has a problem with how close you are to your cousin. Fun fact, Shermaine and Glenda are best friends since Primary school and Shermaine introduced Glenda to you. This story then becomes a foursome/hate fuck story of a forced nature.

Shermaine and Max have been together for about a year now and they met whilst Max was on exchange over here in Singapore. TLDR, they got together and are now in a LDR. Shermaine has a killer body and loves to drink and party. Max on the other hand, whilst also fit, is a major introvert and has anxiety and insecurities. He’s some what of a cuck and he would imagine his gf cheating on him with other guys as she’s horny 24/7. However, Shermaine, despite how horny she is, would only use sex toys to pleasure herself.

Glenda and you have been together for about 6 months now. The 3 of you constantly party together, hang out, work out and study together. Basically, the 3 of you are inseparable. This drove Max crazy, especially when he sees pictures of you 3 partying, drinking and basically having fun together. Max always argued with Shermaine over this issue but shermaine has always brushed it off saying how you’re her cousin and they’ve always been this way since young.

Fast forward to Chinese New Year, Max flew to Singapore to surprise Shermaine. However, totally unaware of this surprise, Shermaine, Glenda and you were at a MBS staycay. Late into the night, Shermaine received a video call from Max. Despite being high from all the alcohol, she could still figure out that Max just touched down in Singapore. He cabbed over to MBS where he could finally embrace shermaine.

When you and Glenda returned to the staycay room after a smoke break, you walked into the room only to find Max and Shermaine making out.

“Oh get a room you two.” Glenda cheekily said.

“Apologies for dropping by unannounced. I’m Max.” Max introduced himself to you and Glenda.

“Yeah we know all about you. Keep it in your pants, let’s head out for a couple more drinks.” you said as you lead the way out of the room.

“Let us freshen up first and change our dresses.” Shermaine said.

“Alright alright. Make it quick.” you replied.

As the girls were in the bathroom giggling and possibly taking nude pictures of each other, you and Max were outside and it was awkward.

“Hey, you’ve never done anything inappropriate with Shermaine have you? I understand you’re her cousin and all but you’ve gotta admit she’s got a hot body and a killer ass.” Max said.

“Oh dude, I fuck Shermaine and my girlfriend on a daily basis together.” you replied sarcastically, mocking Max who somehow believes you.

“Oh dude, come on, I’m kidding. Relax, ain’t nothing ever happened between me and Shermaine. I grew up with her. Underneath the make up and all. She’s not that pretty anyway.” you replied, hastily, annoyed at how easily Max gets triggered.

The four of you headed to the bar and had a few drinks too many. Soon, the four of you stumbled back into the hotel. Wanting to go for a smoke break, Shermaine and you headed out to the balcony for a quick smoke break whilst Glenda was in the toilet. As you and Shermaine were smoking outside, Glenda stumbled into the room and was just casually chatting with Max.

Max, with all this pent up sexual tension and frustration in him, went up to Glenda and dragged her off the chair and made her kneel down. With one hand he dragged her to the sliding door and with the other, he locked the door from the inside.

Both you and shermaine turned around to see Max forcing his massive 9 inch dick into Glenda’s mouth and Glenda was helpless to resist.

“Ugh, fuck. You certainly can take a long dick better than Shermaine. She always chokes. You are taking it well.” Max grunted as he was face fucking Glenda who was helpless.

Uno reverse it seems. You were being cucked by Max a who was gleefully face fucking Glenda. Both you and Shermaine were shocked but also turned on.

“Bro, I’m going to fuck you once. Just to get back at Max. Don’t tell anyone in our family or I will kill you. Make it seem as if you’re raping me.” Shermaine said with a glint in her eyes.

Without hesitation, you forced Shermaine onto her knees and out popped your massive thick throbbing dick. You shoved it into Shermaine’s mouth and treated her like an ordinary fuck toy. With all the pent up sexual tension from watching another man fuck your girlfriend, you decided to furiously fuck shermaine’s mouth.

Max upon seeing Shermaine being used like a common whore, gave Glenda a tight slap across the face. The force was so great, she fell to the floor. He turned her around and put her on all fours. One swift motion and he removed Glenda’s thong. Whilst he was fingering her pussy which was already wet, he stopped to admire her bubble butt which was comparable to Shermaine’s. Her pulled her hair back and grunted, “I want you to watch your boyfriend fuck your best friend whilst I destroy your pussy.” Without warning, Max thrusted into Glenda’s pussy.

“Ugh fuck. Please stop. You’re too big. You’re tearing me apart. Please stop.” Glenda begged as Max was viciously thrusting into her.

“Ugh, your pussy is so tight. I’m going to ravage you all night in front of them.” Max said as he was thrusting in and out of Glenda and forcing her to watch you and Shermaine.

In retaliation, you did the same. You went to town on Shermaine in the exact same position that Max was ravaging Glenda. As you penetrated Shermaine, you felt extreme pleasure. It was so wrong but it felt so right. As you watch Max defile your precious girlfriend, you were enjoying the tightness and wetness of Shermaine’s pussy. The forbidden pussy felt so good. Shermaine on the other hand, was enjoying it as well.

As Max and you were pounding the respective pussies as if they were sex toys, the two girls slowly developed a liking to it. Max was considerably rougher on Glenda. The more you saw Glenda being defiled by Max, the more it turned you on. You responded in kind by roughly groping Shermaine and thrusting in harder and harder.

As the two girls were being pounded like common street whores, with each guy trying to one up the other, all four of them felt extreme pleasure. The girls were mercilessly pounded with each guy thrusting in harder and harder and the guys were experiencing a different pussy than they’re accustomed to.

Soon, Max decided to unlock the door. The four of them went to the bed. The guys, as if in sync, put their fuck meats on the bed side by side. Both girls by now were catching their breath. The guys were staring at their fuck meats in all of their glory and as they were ready for a second round, they spread their legs wide open and penetrated from the front. Max could not help but stare at Glenda’s bouncing tits as he was thrusting deep into Glenda and likewise, you could not stop staring at Shermaine’s glorious tits bouncing to the rhythm of your thrusts. The girls, could only hold hands with each other as they were mercilessly ravaged.

After awhile, Max and you decided to switch fuck meats. As you switched back to your usual pussy, something felt off. It was way looser than you normally had. As you were thrusting into your own girlfriend, Max was viciously pounding Shermaine harder and harder.

He roughly choked her as he ravaged her pussy so hard and fast that shermaine barely had time to breathe. He was filled with rage and jealousy that another man had been in her pussy. As he was tearing apart her pussy with his hard and fast thrusts, he growled at her, “Did you miss my dick? Tell me, who fucks you better?”

Barely able to respond, Shermaine said in a voice that was mixed with both pleasure and pain, “You daddy.”

He then turned shermaine around to penetrate her doggystyle and that’s when things got rougher. He grabbed her ass tightly and with each thrust, he smacked it until it was so red.

Upon seeing Glenda’s own body being used and abused by Max earlier on, it awoken something primal in you. As of now, you’re not fucking your own gf. You’re fucking a fuck toy. Made to pleasure you and all your carnal desires. The harder you fucked your own gf, the rougher you got. Chokes got longer, smacks got harder, positions you put your own gf into were made solely for your own pleasure. You did not care if she was in pain or in pleasure. As you were viciously fucking Glenda, you didn’t realize she kept whimpering and slowly started crying. In that fucked up state you were in, seeing how she has already been abused and used by Max, you could not keep it in. The image of her being fucked so hard and yet still enjoying it, drove you to the edge. With a couple of hard and fast thrusts into your fuck toy, you controlled your orgasm until the very last second.

“Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Ah fuck.” You grunted as you unleashed your largest cum shot all over her face. The load was so big it dripped to her cleavage.

As mental clarity and rationality returned to you, you realized what you had done. You quickly cuddled your gf and kissed the parts that were red and bruised.

Max himself, was already reaching his climax. As he stretched Shermaine wide with his enormous cock, he pounded her a few more times before he totally pulled out of her. In a sick move, he pushed you aside, grabbed Glenda, positioned her properly in doggy position, grabbed her hair backwards so that she’s looking directly at you. He rammed his thick and throbbing cock into her pussy. As he gave her a few more thrusts into her pussy, you could see the shock in Glenda’s eyes but his cock was too good. Her shock soon turned to pleasure and with a final hard thrust, he unleashed a huge load into Glenda’s pussy. Glenda orgasmed alongside Max, leaving both you and shermaine horny and angry.

DM ME IF YOU WANT A CONTINUATION OF THIS!

[whoahoney]

hi ml, I’m not sure if you’re taking requests! but I’ve seen a few people request work from you. if not that’s totally fine and I’m sorry for the inconvenience! but I have this imagine in my head😭

eddie x best friend, they get tickets to some rock/metal concert (you pick:)) & she gets insanely jealous when she finds him making out with some chick in the pit, so then she finds a random guy to flirt with in the pit, and it all goes downhill from there, then he finally confronts her abt it & they both sorta confess mid arguement😭 I feel like that’s such an Eddie thing to do. “I love you you stupid ass fucking bitch”💀

You’re so lovely, thank you for this!! 😭 this helped my writers block 💖 I’m a sucker for friends to lovers!

Eddie Munson x Best Friend!Reader

Summary: Eddie and Y/n face difficulties and repressed feelings in the pit of a Judas Priest concert.

Content Warnings: 18+ (Minors DNI), fem!reader, drug use (they high asf), toxic friends to lovers, language, angst/comfort, reader pushes Eddie around a lot out of anger but nothing wild, PDA in the pit, groping

Part 2

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Eddie and Y/n had spent the last 3 1/2 hours in the freezing cold, waiting in line for the pit to open at the Judas Priest Concert in Indianapolis. The friends had saved for months to be able to purchase tickets, Priest being apart of the foundation of their friendship.

The two met at the beginning of high school; both outcast for their shared love of a darker aesthetic and louder music, and soon finding solace within one another one rainy day when Jason Carver broke her tape and Eddie happened to notice it was Judas Priest. He quickly offered to give her his own copy, which she happily accepted.

It wasn’t long before the two developed feelings for each other; sneaking glances, hiding the dirtiest thoughts that floated around in their brains when they were alone together in each other’s rooms, not to mention the jealousy they’d feel when seeing the other pay any attention to a member of the opposite sex.

Y/n had gotten used to Eddie’s easy way with words around the girls at the bars in the city they frequented, both of them having their ways to combat the green monster. Eddie had yet to get used to guys offering to buy drinks for his crazy beautiful and dorky best friend and wrap their arms around her front to keep her close to their chests; the way he’d wanted to forever.

Most times they went out resulted in bickering and tension for unknown or unspoken reasons; Eddie getting upset about creepy dudes touching his friend and loudly breaking it up, or Y/n seething in the corner with a whiskey in hand as Eddie leaned closer to some blonde at the bar, only noticing his friends displeasure when she paid her tab and obnoxiously reached into his pants pocket for his keys without a word to him or a glance to the girl he was entertaining.

Of course he’d always go after her, but not without exchanging words.

‘What is your fuckin problem?’

‘Every time we go out you always gotta—‘

‘So you like weird dudes looking at you like that? You think they wanna take you home to mom, really? Think again!’

‘You and sluts, Eddie, what the fuck is up with that?’

‘You could do so much better!’

Always ending with

‘I’m sorry…’

‘I just wanna protect you’

‘You only deserve the best.’

‘I wouldn’t be with anyone that had a problem with our friendship’

‘You’re my best friend’

So the last couple months consisted mostly of the two staying in at their own places, ordering take out, watching movies, and of course smoking and drinking. The evenings they didn’t get together they typically shared a phone call after work, most of the time during dinner.

Y/n would giggle at Eddie’s garbled speech over the phone as he shoveled Chinese noodles into his mouth, ranting about the disappointing ending of his latest novel and listing the ways he could’ve made it better.

Eddie enjoyed hearing Y/n’s stories of her days spent taking classes at the community college, slowly but surely crawling her way to a degree while only doing part time. He enjoyed hearing her spill endlessly about her major, learning from her the more she spoke and reveling in the passionate way she described it all.

They hadn’t been able to hang out in a couple weeks, phone calls coming by more frequently than their physical beings, but this meant the time spent together the day of the concert would be even more fun and special.

Until the cold front moved in.

The two didn’t mind getting closer, playing thumb war as a poor excuse to hold hands. It wasn’t long after that until the doors opened and the two held onto each other tightly, heading through security just fine until they hit the pit.

They bumped and cursed their way through as rogue fans went in hard with elbows. They got about midway before the wiggle room ended, though they were satisfied with their view of the middle of the stage. Eddie looked down at his best friend and smiled fondly at her.

Her eye makeup tonight reminded him of the way she used to do it when they first became friends, thick and dark on the top and bottom lash line, a little smokey on the edges.

She caught his stare and blushed a deep pink before averting her eyes, “What is it? Is my makeup already fucked? Lipstick on my teeth?” She flashed her front teeth as he chuckled and shook his head.

She quickly ran her tongue over her teeth and crinkled her brow in confusion. “Did you take your edible already?” She giggled as they shuffled forward.

“Pfft, no.” He lied.

Y/n rolled her eyes, knowingly.

“If we’re playing that game, I didn’t either.” She stuck out her blue tinted tongue from the gummies they shared. Eddie chuckled and stuck his own out, the matching blue patch sitting in the middle of his tongue.

Y/n shivered at the thought of his mouth tasting the exact same as hers did at this moment. She saw the couples surrounding them, guys holding their girls to their sides or fronts protectively, the way she wanted to be held by Eddie so badly. There was a couple times the instances occurred though it was always after drinks and under jealous pretenses.

It wasn’t real.

Eddie was just protective. Maybe a little territorial. But Y/n didn’t mind it. If anything she wished he would indulge in it more.

By the time the show started, the lights began flashing brilliant purple, blue, and yellow, the crowd was roaring so loud the space between Eddie and Y/n was quiet enough to speak.

“C’mon, follow me, we’ll get closer.” He nodded, spotting a way through a couple gaps. He stepped quickly without grabbing her hand properly—used to her being hot on his heels, when suddenly a girl cut her off midway, following Eddie through the gaps and disappearing as the crowd closed in.

“Eddie! Eddie Munson!” She called, jumping up to try to spot the usually easy to find mop of curls, but lamented when she realized there were a million of them now. She went the way she last saw him go, calling for him the whole way and searching for him in a sea of people who held no interest in her personal space or search for her friend.

“Eddie Munson, you fucking bastard!” She cursed, ducking through wandering hands and bitchy looks while their favorite songs played. She felt tears prickling at her eyes as her limbs became heavy from swimming against the current and groaned when she reached a dead end without finding him.

She leaned against the railing for a breather, a stray tear escaping before she gathered her bearings and decided to continue in a new direction. With a breath she turned to look at the stage and spotted the Dio backed vest just a few feet ahead.

Her heart soared, a laugh of relief coming from her as she took a step towards him, when suddenly a woman’s leg wrapped around his side. Y/n now noticed the fingers tangled in his hair as he stumbled backwards towards the railing. The blonde from before attached to his mouth like a sucker fish, though he seemed to be enjoying it.

Y/n stood gaping and cemented as Beyond the Realms of Death played, the song she had hoped to hear the most. She saw the way her fingers curled around his arm, how his roamed down her back and pulled her closer by her leg. Her chest ached when she saw him practically melt against the girl, his rings digging into her bare flesh.

Y/n choked out a sob when the girl moved to his neck, probably sucking a hickey at the crook of it where Y/n had rested her head many times. Eddie cracked his eyes open as he sighed blissfully, meeting her broken gaze as her makeup ran and ran and ran.

His eyes widened, dropping the girls leg from his waist and taking a step towards his friend. “Y/n!” He called as her eyes turned from hurt to pain and then anger within a second. She marched forward, the blonde’s confusion going unnoticed by Eddie as he took bounding steps away.

“Y/n—“His words were silenced with a shove to his chest and a mighty grunt from his friend, directing him into the pit where she originally wanted to be.

“Fuck you!” She spat on her way past him. He caught her arm and spun to her to face him.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to lose you! Are you okay?”

“Oh yeah, you looked so concerned with your tongue down that bitch’s throat. Save it.” She shrugged away from him.

“Is that what this is about? Oh, come ON. What is your problem? We’re friends, right? Friends help friends get laid, why can’t you just be my friend? Why can’t you let me have anyone?” He cried.

Y/n’s eyes widened as the fucks fled her body, biting back an unhinged smile stretching on her face at his words. To be fair, she probably looked horrifying, but inside of her a switch had flipped and she suddenly felt eerily calm.

“Y’know what, Ed? Don’t worry about me. Have a good fucking show.” She said with a seemingly earnest smile on her face as she wiped the last falling tears and mascara streaks from her cheeks. Before Eddie could manage a response she turned on her heel and made her way deeper into the crowd, tuning into the noise and choosing to deal with her crumbling heart later.

Eddie followed after her, watching the top of her head swerve through the crowd for almost a whole song until he realized the person he’d spotted wasn’t even her to begin with. Worry began to set in as soon as his edible did. “Y/n?” He called, turning in circles as people chastised his tall figure for obstructing the view.

Before he could finish calling her name again, he heard her giggle. He turned, almost sighing in relief at the thought of her just trying to mess with him by playing a short lived game of hide and seek, when he spotted her under the arm of some punk with a head of fiery curls, the two practically touching noses as they sang Love Bites to one another, making daring little touches against one another’s face and hands.

Eddie seethed as the guys arm slipped from her shoulder to her ass, using his other index finger to tilt her chin to meet his lips. Eddie grabbed her hand that was poised to cup the guy’s cheek right before their lips could meet, and jerked her away and into him, barreling towards the back of the pit and ready to leave.

He could hear her shouts of protest though he wasn’t met with any resistance from her as he guided her through the crowd. He led her out of the arena and into the deserted hallway, the roar of the crowd and the muffled wailing of the guitar sounded through the stone walls.

Eddies face was hard with anger, his jaw clenched tightly as he ran a hand down his face. Y/n finally ripped her wrist away and shoved Eddie again, his back hitting the wall—a stifled groan rippled from his chest as he did.

“You’re such a goddamn hypocrite, you know that?” She barked. Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Who’s the real hypocrite here? I can’t have the same reaction you did? You just had to try to—“

“You call that the same reaction? I didn’t even kiss the guy and you made us leave the entire concert but you were almost swallowed by a human goldfish and I can’t be a little upset?” She cried, her eyes betraying her anger by glossing over.

Eddie swallowed thickly. “We were just talking, and-and the crowd made us get really close—She grabbed me, I just didn’t—“

“I don’t care to hear about it.” She dead panned, wiping her face and turning to either walk back into the concert or leave the place entirely, she hadn’t decided.

“Oh my god, yes you fucking do!” He cried, hot tears prickling behind his eyes as his throat closed up, the sight of her walking away from him unbearable.

She spotted the exit at the end of the hall and turned to yell to him. “Yeah, I do, Eddie, just not the way you do!” She shoved through the door carelessly marching into the freezing cold.

She ended up in an ally, a couple dumpsters on either side. Y/n groaned and turned in worried circles as she tried to fight the choking sobs that threatened to escape her. Streams of hot tears poured from her eyes as she crouched down by the trash and pressed her fists into her forehead to relieve the pressure of the heartbreak beating into her head as she heaved.

Suddenly the door shoved open and Eddie stomped out, ready to go down swinging if she fought riding home with him, when his face softened at her broken form on the ground in front of him. She peaked up at him, shooting him a glare right before he yanked her up and pushed her against the wall this time.

“Eddie—“

“No. My turn.” He almost spat, the breath of his words hitting her mouth and nose as he spoke. His hands planted on either side of her head as he caged her in. “I have spent so long trying to show you. Trying to get you to decide—that maybe if we did our own things it’d help. I’m—Every time, Y/n. Every time someone shows interest in me, the first thing I do is compare them to you—to my best friend. My… my perfect best friend.” His voice weakened.

“For a while it felt like-like you were just trying to protect me, like you felt I could do better, but now it’s like you just don’t want anyone to have me, and—and I just can’t understand why??” His voice cracked. “Every time I think we’re going somewhere I hit dead ends and I’m okay with being friends, I’d die before giving that up, but if we’re only friends you can’t—“

“What??” Is all she managed. “What do you-what do you mean—Eddie, you’ve practically kept me at an arms length since you started dating people! But lately, it’s like—ugh!” She exclaimed in exasperation. “It’s felt like maybe you might see me differently—but then you just jump on the first chance you get. At our concert?” She hiccuped and looked to the ground when her vision became too blurry.

“Sweetheart…” He cooed.

“Stop it! I do wanna be friends but it hurts every time we—“

“I love you, you stupid fucking bitch!” He took her face in his hands and spoke over her loudly, gently shaking her with urgency.

Y/n’s eyes widened, a soft gasp leaving her at the confession. Her throat closed a as her brain short circuited, her tears spilling down her cheeks. “I—wha—“

He scoffed and crashed his lips against hers, mouthing at her stunned lips until they melted and moved against him. She let out a whine of relief, perhaps all the years of longing pouring out of her when he opened the floodgates.

She leaned back against the wall, his hands cradling her jaw while his fingers wrap around the nape of her neck, gently clenching the roots of her hair.

Her hands started the same, quickly moving down his neck and roaming his chest. His breath caught noticeably when she wrapped her arms around his torso and pulled him flush against her, raking her nails down his back gently and pulling a sigh from him.

They finally pulled away, though Y/n pressed her head into the side of his neck, the opposite side of where the blonde had spent her time. The two sat in silence, holding one another and trying to form whole sentences and figure out where to go next.

“I love you too… I always have..” She whispered, not missing the sharp inhale of surprise he drew in. “You stupid fucking asshole.” She giggled before pressing a long open mouthed kiss to the side of his neck. Eddies eyes rolled back in his head when she began sucking softly.

He was ripped from his trance when she shoved him away towards the door, grabbing his hand on her way past in his dazed state and tugging him back inside. “But we’ve waited too long for Judas fucking Priest to miss it just for you to fuck me behind a dumpster.” Eddie cackled madly and ran after her.

Part 2

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Taglist 🤍

@loving-and-dreaming

[shitpostingkats]

What are your Twewy reaper headcanons?

NORMAL, I HAVE A NORMAL AMOUNT OF REAPER HEADCANONS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING

Okay so if you count Def March (which I absolutely do) there's twelve named Shibuya reapers. Which fits with the fact that every reaper corresponds to an animal of the chinese zodiac.

I'm just guessing with BJ and Tenho, according to Nomura every reaper has a hidden kanji in their names representing their animal, but I can't read japanese so I took a shot in the dark. Also, fun fact, Minamimoto can't rearrange the radicals in his name to spell boar, like he can with lion, his true noise form. But he's got a lot of boar symbolism, being found in Pork City, and his Leo Cantus Armo form having tusks, which ties into the fact that the Shinjuku reapers all have motifs based on hanafuda suits. MORE ON THAT LATER I AM VERY NORMAL ABOUT HIM.

Ahem. So awhile back I was considering writing a fic on all the Shibuya reapers and how they came to have their current jobs, what their games were like, etc. (Might still write this. I've been busy)

So I sat down to try and come up with headcanons for EVERY named Shibuya reaper, and now I hold every one of them near and dear to my heart.

Kariya is mentioned in game as the oldest reaper, probably having been around for longer than anyone else. I like to imagine there's a huge gap between him and any other current reaper, which drives Mitsuki CRAZY, this chill dude just hangs around and eats candy but also has seniority???? Also he's more powerful than any other reaper save maybe the composer?

The thing that did him in was lung cancer. The lollipop's a replacement cigarette, in much the same way people recommend chewing on hard candy if you're trying to quite smoking. Why did he decide to quit after he died, and he no longer had anything to worry about? Listen the Game's all about growth, and Kariya is possibly the strongest because he is so capable of change, of going with the flow, and learning from his mistakes.

Like every ex-Player, he had a partner when he won his game, and I don't have a whole lot of headcanons for them except 1) they chose to return to life, and 2) Uzuki reminds him of them a lot.

Mitsuki was a woman working her ass off to try and make it in male-led office, until she literally worked herself to death. As you might expect, this royally pissed her off. She was desperate to return to life, but unfortunately, her entry fee came as a pair. What her partner, a simple farmwoman from out of town, valued most was the ability to go unnoticed and unremarked on, while Mitsuki deeply coveted every scrap and morsel of recognition she could get.

So their partnership was cursed so no matter what they did, people's eyes would skate over Mitsuki, dismiss her, and Mitsuki's partner would be lauded with the credit. Mitsuki became almost invisible, while her partner was forced to step up and do most of the talking.

This led her partner feeling more comfortable with being seen, with taking up space, so when the chance came to return to life, she took it with grace. Mitsuki, on the other hand, came to realize she liked working from the shadows. And besides, she could have more power as a reaper than anything a stupid company of the living could offer her...

Higashizawa is pretty simple, both in the game and in my headcanons. He's a cook. Maybe an army cook, but the point is he values food as a part of life, and had to cope with entry fee in the game being unable to eat, despite all the other players, including his partner, being able to.

I picture his partner on the younger side, maybe a cadet, maybe not. They had a very sweet dynamic, very paternal. Even though he couldn't eat, Higashizawa would break into restaurants that didn't have a reaper decal, and "commandeer" their kitchens to make dishes, which, despite only one of them eating them, saved them enough yen and gave enough stat boosts for them to win the game. And led to a spiked increase in reports in "haunted kitchens" for the week they were playing.

Kitanji is TRANS. I know this for a fact. Mr. Square Enix himself told me.

"Megumi" is technically a unisex name but much more commonly a feminine one, something that is actually brought up in the manga, when my dumb cat son tries to nickname Kitanji and Kitanji snaps back that he's very sensitive about his name and was bullied as a kid. This is a trans guy.

He ran a record store in life that unfortunately fell victim to an armed robbery, and Kitanji was killed. His most important thing, his name, was taken from him as his entry fee. This further parallels him to Neku, who woke up in the game knowing nothing but his name. It could also explain why he's so distrusting of Shibuya and thinks the world would simply be better if everyone conformed; after being on the end of transphobic bullying in life, the idea of standing out and embracing the chaos of being a unique soul terrifies him.

MINAMIMOTO is my dumb stupid goth catboy son and I am INSUFFERABLE about him. I have SO many headcanons it's insane.

First off, he died of general exposure, as he was homeless for most of his life. This nicely ties into his habit of collecting garbage, making trash into something brash and artistic, and his general attitude of making himself heard and assertive, while still being so in tune with the flow of the city and people that he has powers unseen in any other reaper. Minamimoto was ignored by the city in life so in death HE IS GOING TO KILL GOD AND TAKE HIS PLACE. WHILE BEING EXTREMELY LOUD ABOUT IT.

So it stands to reason that his entry fee, upon entering the game, was his voice. For the entire game, he was completely mute.

(One of the first things he did as a reaper, was get his megaphone.)

His partner was a diver from the coast who's entry fee was her memories of her home. She knew she had one, she just couldn't remember where, and who was waiting for her in the living world. They developed a series of hand signs for Sho to communicate with, both having a rough grasp of JSL, Sho from some fellow homeless people who were deaf and her from her experience as a diver.

My other big, big headcanon for him is, about 3/4s of the way through the week, she died. Sho, knowing about the seven minutes rule because he picks things up quickly, knew he didn't have long to live if he let her soul energy dissipate and that she would never find out where he home was, but it was MOSTLY about his own survival, shut up, collected up her soul data and tried balancing her equation and a bunch of other Minamimoto nonsense I am not smart enough to write. x = acos(t) and y = asin(t) over root 2 and all that.

He turned her into a noise.

After all, transformation is kinda his thing, and he's notably skilled at manipulating Soul and giving it new forms. He was the one who discovered the loophole that Beat would use to save his sister in week 1. It's what originally put him on Hanekoma's radar as someone to keep an eye on. Hanekoma also made note of the process in case he ever needed it.

After that, Minamimoto went on to win the game, have his partner restored to life, and was now far too curious about studying Soul and Noise to even think of doing anything else but staying in the UG.

His noise form, while originally a boar, he managed to by complete force of will shape into a lion, just because he wanted to be a lion.

He had a short tenure as a wall reaper, where he would ask impossibly long math questions of the "A train leaves Philadelphia at 8:00am traveling 90 mph" variety. This caused him to be promoted to an Officer just to stop him from being a Harrier, and some rules to be laid down regarding what can and can't be a viable quiz for the wall questions.

Def March was a real band before they died, probably in some hilarious way, that killed all three of them. Being Shibuya's only instance of a rare three person pact, their collective entry fee was their memories of knowing each other in life, but they decided to stick together anyways despite having no idea who these random two other guys they woke up in the afterlife with were. Cue clown music as they proceed to become best friends and vow to start a band together once they win the game.

They decided to stay as reapers once they won because none of them could think of anything cooler than a metal band that was actually dead.

Although still very passionate about music, most of their memories of being a band getting erased meant they had some space to explore new hobbies. BJ and Tenho decided to combine their newfound loves of bar trivia and local history into a new method of Harrying, known as the Reaper Review.

Coco wasn't able to see much of the city when she was alive, being hospital bound for most of her life before losing the fight to a chronic illness at a young age. So she took to being a reaper with gusto, diving in to the local trends and culture like she was starving for it. Her entry fee might be considered a paltry thing to most, the ability to see color, but it truly was the thing about herself she valued most. After a life of drab grey walls and sterile surfaces, color was deeply important to her, none moreso than the colors she chose for herself.

She's also the most adventurous of the Shibuya reapers, being the one to actually leave the district and travel to other places in the city, which is how she and Tsugumi became friends.

Uzuki is the second newest reaper, having died recently of a heart attack (see the sprites where she clutches her chest when taken off guard) Like Mitsuki, she was originally deeply annoyed by her life being cut short, but adapted quickly to the new structure of the reapers and is aiming high after realizing how much more being a reaper can offer her. I genuinely have no idea what her entry fee might have been so I am currently in the market for a good headcanon there.

Joshua is the most recent addition to the Shibuya reapers

Okay, hear me out.

First off, I am obsessed with the fanon that Joshua and Fret knew each other in life. Joshua is heavily implied in the first game to have taken his own life, while Fret speaks in the second about losing a friend to what is heavily implied to be suicide. The idea that the loss that set Fret down the path of repression and insincerity was Joshua scratches my brain in such a satisfying way.

Second, he's a prodigy in all things UG related, but has the general attitude and personality of someone actually the age he appears to be. Boy is chronically 15. I think it's much more likely he died a little more than a year or two ago before the start of twewy and rose through the ranks quickly, rather than being some eternally 15 twerp whose been around for years.

It is mentioned he knew Hanekoma in life, and would visit CAT street frequently to talk about the UG, which is something he could see even before he died. He killed himself knowing where he would go, and how he was special.

So I think his entry fee is he got to the UG and couldn't see anything.

No noise, no reapers, no players. Hanekoma was waiting for him, being just enough of a non-game-related entity to at least give him a heads up and see he got a Pact. Joshua himself doesn't know much about his partner, being unable to see them for the entire game. But he did rely on them. Trust your partner. In Josh's case, he had to.

Also, think about the blood vessel Uzuki would pop if she learned that the all powerful composer who wields the power of the entire city with a mysterious anonymity had actually been with the UG shorter than she has.

[bokunosoul]

𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐇𝐂'𝐬

Navier Ellie Trovi

The divorced one

Navier came from an well off family but i think she also works

A empowered independent bussiness woman

Honestly Navier reminds me of Astrid in the book/movie crazy rich asians and Princess Diana☹️✨

Owns multiple penthouses and estates she inherited from her parents

A fashion icon and socialite, the queen never misses out on the latest trends

Her interests would probably be yoga (to clear her mind from all the shit sovieshit and trashta has done for her)

Occasionally visits charity events and donates to orphanages and support womens rights

Owns a black card

Rashta

This raging beech

I hate to admit it but rashta is sooooo pretty, if only she wasn't a trash i wouldve adored her

Rashta reminds me of those chinese influencers who wants to marry rich actors or idols

She kinda gives an anna delvey vibes

Came from an poor family, yet she still manages to somehow keep up with the latest trends by pulling some strings

The definition of "I see it i want it i got it."

An problematic influencer and a clout chaser

Buys fake followers and rents designer bags and clothing

Pick me girl

Talks how annoying her fans are but is kind when meeting someone

Good at acting, has potential on being in a play

Got kicked out from fashion school for designing a dress that looks like a mop and a christmas tree

Lord McKenna

Would 100% be a PA or a model

Martial arts kind off guy

Has tons of followers on instagram

HE does ballet

HE plays the violin and the piano

Would get scouted on the streets for a modeling gig

Goes to art school

This boy pulls of ton of women in the campus and streets

Chill dude part of the popular kids

Ideal BF

RICH but does not flex, he tryna keep it lowkey but somehow people found out

[descendantofthesparrow]

Brutally honest thoughts on each character?

...*Each* character???? bruh thats so many, okay ill keep this short cuz im waiting for a haircut rn

well start with the vks cuz thats easy

Mal-started off strong and then just became...THE WORST, love hate relationship for her. shes my art block fix but also i hate her

Jay-i dont have strong opinions on him, he actually never stuck out to me other than 'obligatory jock dude of the friend group.' i wish i liked him more but im more attached to his fandom self over canon Jay

Evie-got boring after D1, i wish they let her keep her chemistry stuff, love her vibe but shes kinda boring to me. SHOULD'VE BEEN THE MC OVER MAL!!

Carlos- lots of lost potential with his tech stuff from the first book and movie. easily could've been an engineer or inventor but they just made him an animal lover and i got bored of that real quick.

Uma-my queen, my idol, can do no wrong i love her so much i WILL kill for her.

Harry-i love his dumbass so much YALL DONY EVEN KNOW I WANNA BITE HIM SO BAD

Gil-one of the few characters i felt actually...grew up? idk but hes one of the few characters were it actually feels like time passed for.

Dizzy-oooooooh honey, honey honey, sunshine baby, please, put the glue gun down.

Celia- they should've gone with her trailer persona. Her outfits are so bad and i wish she got better writing and designs, so much lost potential, also she should've been Jays pick.

Smee twins- why the fuck are they even here they had one line and no significance. also they should've had a Harry scene.

Aks

Ben-puppy boy, deserved to have doberman energy. got turned into a doormat by the writers and is unfairly hated.

Audrey-bitch queen, shes not a nice person and thats okay~ girlboss.

Chad- should've been the D3 villan they had that all set up in D2 with his weird ass attitude over Ben getting kidnapped on the isle.

Doug -....honestly gives me the ick, especially in D3, i HATE the long hair his actor had/has. gold is NOT his color and neither is pastel purple or green. he looked good in D1 but ICK for 2 and 3.

Jane- bby gurl, blue bird sweetheart. yeah she did some fucked up shit in D1 but she was an insecure 14 year old girl who got manipulated by Mal and other aks!!!

Lonnie- deserved so much better, shes Chinese why is she getting Japanese style stuff?!?! her plot in D2 didnt even do anything it just happened and no one cared and Jay just shoved his problems of girls playing roar onto her.

Beast- *inhale* i wanna kick his ass, and i could, lemme at him. how dare he force an entire kingdom on Ben at 16 when he didnt become king when he was 28(when he married Belle)

Belle- they took away her backbone, shes not Disney princess book worm and independent Belle. she just, lost the spark

FG- they turned her into a preschool teacher, GIVE ME MY OL COOKY FAIRY LADY BACK

Leah- *seething rage*

vk parents

Maleficent- fuckin love her, shes such a manipulative bitch and feels like a gone crazy version of a Maleficent made for kids. def not the mistress of all Evil but i love her nonetheless

EQ- shouldve been the head villain, SHE WAS THE FIRST DISNEY VILLAIN CMON! def not the same character from the animated movie but shes dramatic and sassy and i adore her.

Jafar- haha funny characature~ i wish he was more menacing like he had been. Jafar is not one of my fav villains so descendants jafar didnt exactly translate for me well.

Cruella- yeah they nailed her, no complaints about her. good design, good dialogue, good acting.

Hades- LEMME KICK HIS DEAD BEAT ASS, fucking 'daddy issues made you stronger' my butt. i hate his hair and honestly he doesnt fit the washed up punk design, he didnt deserve the speech at the end and didnt deserve to be forgiven by Mal.

Ursula- we only saw her tentacle and one line but she seemed spot on so yeah

Lady Tremaine- why the fuck was she nice in D3??? bitch is the EVIL stepmother.

Smee- spot on, i have words for his sons designs becuaee hes old not naturally white haired but hes chill, makes sense hed be a good parent, he never felt evil to me, just compliant

Facilier- such a vibe, his actor got him spot on, would've changed up his suit design but hes chill and i can see him being a family man(ignoring wicked world).