#curiously me being mean to a tweet is a problem but you being mean to me is okay. hm

[beebotea]

hey, are you listening? — part 03

pairing : college au!xiao x f!reader . summary : in which uni students decipher vague tweets and emotions... + ie: second-year students y/n and xiao are forced to work through their term project (and feelings) as their friends attempt to meddle with their love lives ‘for the greater good’ . cw : swearing, slut-shaming, suggestive, reader she/her pronouns, alcohol, mentions of substance use .

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03. into the night

act 1, scene 1

—

act 1, scene 2

Y/N watched as Xiao stood up from the table and excused himself from the conversation. It wasn’t long until Hu Tao & Venti and Yanfei & Heizou began their own respective conversations, leaving Y/N and Scaramouche to sit there in silence.

“Oh, um… is he alright?” Y/N said, as she watched Scaramouche finish sending a text from his phone.

The Inazuman ruffled his hair in slight frustration before setting his phone down. “Oh, Xiao? He said he was going to the washroom. I’m sure it’s nothing. He’s not great with big crowds unless he’s on stage with his bass.”

“I see… I thought he didn’t really like me or something…”

“Yeah, ‘or something.’”

“What?”

“What?”

Y/N took a second to take in his appearance. Delicate and soft features carefully defined and enhance by his red eyeliner and the way his fringe framed his face. He was a very pretty young man… it seemed to run in the family considering Xiao was quite easy on the eyes as well, although quite intimidating.

“So are you done admiring me yet, or…” He seemed to catch on to her spacing out, smirking at her as he spoke up.

“Oh… sorry I didn’t mean to stare.” She looked away, feeling her cheeks heat up from being caught red handed.

“It’s fine. You wanna grab a drink with me at the bar over there?”

“Oh, sure alright.” Y/N accepted his extended hand. Scaramouche helped her out of her chair, before promptly letting go when she got to her feet.

“So, how come I’ve never seen you around campus until now? It seems we have a lot of friends in common.”

“Oh, I mean I guess I only really know Aether, Childe, Cyno and maybe Heizou from your side… it’s more like we have friends of friends in common. I’m not in too many extra-curriculars either.”

“Yeah I suppose that’s true. You’re in marketing right? How’s that going for you.”

“It’s fine, I suppose it’d be a lot simpler than Mechatronics Engineering…”

“Eh, maybe. But they’re totally different so I wouldn’t try to make a comparison.” He smiled at her.

“I’m not going to lie… you’re a lot nicer than I expected.”

“Really? What makes you say that? You thought I’d be more like Xiao or something?” He raised his eyebrow curiously at her.

“No, well yes but not entirely. My friend Mona didn’t seem to excited when she saw you and Childe show up so I just got the impression you wouldn’t be so fun to talk to.”

“Is that so? Did she tell you why?”

Y/N shook her head in response and tilting her head to urge him to continue.

“Hah, we’ll do I have a story to tell you.”

“Please, do tell.”

Before Scaramouche could continue, he received slew of notifications. “Oh, sorry one second,” he pulled out his phone to respond to whoever was bombarding him with messages. Shortly after, he slipped his phone back into his pocked and looked back at her to continue where he left off.

“Sorry about that, where was I… oh right. I went to a Snezhnayan private high school for the first three years. So in my third year, Childe and I were on the soccer team and we were playing against Monstadt City Academy. She was on the cheer squad for their school or whatever and there was like a small problem with their formation or something. Anyways, long story short, she fell off their pyramid right as a break was called and Childe and I almost pissed ourselves laughing at her.”

“No way!”

“Yep, it happened. You can even ask her, although I probably wouldn’t want to be there to see you get scolded… she’s quite the prideful one.”

“Yeah… I think I’ll just take your word on it then.” The two laughed together about the memory of the great Mona Megistus falling on her ass. “You must be really good at soccer then. Are you on our Uni’s team?”

“Oh yeah, all of our band members play together often after practices. We’re all on the team. The season is over now but you should definitely come watch our games next year. Who knows maybe Xiao will finally talk to you then.” He smirked at her and nudged her with his elbow.

He was met with widened eyes and incomprehensible stammering. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to talk to him~ Too bad… I was hoping I’d be the one to catch your eye. Oh look, speak of the devil himself.”

Y/N looked into the direction he nodded at and saw Aether, Kazuha and Xiao approaching.

“Hey, Y/N! Having fun? This is Kazuha, our band mate and you already know Xiao.” The male twin waved at her as the three joined their group of two.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N,” Kazuha smiled as he extended and arm to shake her hand. “So what are we talking about?”

“Oh, you know, we were talking about how Y/N—ow.” Y/N elbowed Scaramouche in the side to stop his teasing before it got out of hand.

“Soccer! Scaramouche was telling me about how you guys are on the soccer team!”

“Yeah, we are!” Aether explained how Scara and Heizou played forward, Xiao and Kazuha often took up the midfield, while he and Venti usually played as part of their defense or goalie. “Some of other guys in our friend group, like Cyno and Childe, are on the team too,” Aether continued.

“Well recently Xiao has been playing forward, right?” Kazuha spoke up, patting the black and teal haired man on the shoulder to encourage him.

“Yeah, strikers are usually the fastest on the team. It’s just that I’m bad at aiming it into the net…” Xiao shyly chuckled at himself. It was a first for Y/N to see him smile, or to see any expression on him at all (other than a scowl).

“I’m no expert at soccer but I’m sure you’ll be the a pro w practice right?”

Xiao granted her another smile accompanied by a nod.

Since then, the atmosphere in the group began to change. They continued to exchange opinions and ideas during their conversations while also asking each other about their experiences with common friends and acquaintances.

Xiao had even seemed to loosen up a bit after a drink given to him by Kazuha and adding his own short quips.

Eventually, Scaramouche was called back to his table by Venti. Not long after, Aether and Kazuha also returned to their table after witnessing Xiao ask a whole conversation-starting question on his own, leaving Y/N alone with him for the first time that night. Luckily, the alcohol in their blood made it significantly easier for the two to speak to each other and loosen up even when they were left alone.

“Sorry for being a bit… uptight earlier this evening. I was kind of nervous coming to this party.”

“No worries, I get like that too sometimes. Meeting new people can be overwhelming, right?”

“Yeah… especially when they look like you.”

“What?”

“Oh I… I didn’t mean to say that our loud—like I meant—”

“I think you look great too, Xiao.”

Before Xiao could respond, Y/N got a call from Hu Tao, who was outside with Yanfei, preparing to leave.

“Sorry, I have to go now… I’ll see you in class on Tuesday! It was really nice finally being able to get to know you. Bye!”

“Yeah, no worries. You too… bye.”

He watched as she ran to their table to grab her things before hurriedly waving to everyone and made her way to the door. He was starting to wish the night was longer… or that he drank the alcohol earlier that evening.

—

act 2, scene 1

—

a/n: lots of words mb… hope you enjoyed!

—

taglist  —

@ashhh-14​  @sanghyuksgasolinestationscream​

—

[thefirstknife]

As a fellow archeologist I find your inability to consider opinions of others, patronizing attitude and lack of self-criticism very unprofessional and off-putting. And the way you constantly shit on other lore bloggers just shows me how you’re okay with bad mouthing and bringing others down. And how you felt totally fine to just shit on people’s tweets that have nothing to do you with you for your personal video content just show me that you prefer to destruct and not create. Shameful

Show me examples of me doing that though. Because as far as I'm aware, I reblog other people's opinions, accept corrections and also actively ask for people to correct me if I'm wrong. Can't talk about the patronising attitude because I guess that's a vibe some people get.

I'm definitely okay with bringing other people down when they spread objective misinformation and refuse to amend it. If someone posts incorrect information, I'll do my best to correct them in the nicest way possible depending on the context. If they continue to spread that misinformation despite multiple people correcting them, then they can be shat on publicly which is incidentally also how things work in the academia.

Some other lore bloggers are just bad, yeah. I'm not perfect, obviously, and I understand that some might not like how I do things, but at the very least I'm not straight up inventing lore and misinforming people. And if I make a mistake, I am more than willing to have people point it out. Sometimes people also just disagree about lore. It doesn't mean the person I disagree with is bad, I just disagree with their takes and usually believe they're not reading through the text correctly. I could be wrong of course.

I'll absolutely shit on BIG lore content creators who literally GET PAID to do what they do. They can handle it. It's their literal job to talk about Destiny lore. They should know better. With their large platforms, their opinions will be taken as fact even if they end up being wrong. They aren't perfect, but everything they say is immediately a fact and they rarely post corrections (if at all). They also tend to drown out other opinions because nobody will listen to what someone on tumblr wrote when Byf said otherwise. It's not productive and even Byf himself said that people should look for other sources and not just listen to him (for which I respect him a lot).

Not sure what my ranting about tweets with 70 views has to do with anything tho. If anything, I'm the clown who got mad about random people on twitter. If you have a rebuttal to any of my claims, feel free to let me know. This seems to be boiling down to basically tone policing and not allowing people to be mean sometimes. I personally don't see a problem with being mean sometimes, especially when people say bigoted stuff and just plain misinformation.

The majority of my complaints about the tweets and big lore content creators has been the fact that NONE of them covered the most important lore piece for this entire year of Destiny (Immolant) and people have therefore not read it and pretty much everything that people say wrong boils down to that gap in knowledge. I am still baffled that none of the big content creators covered Immolant. It's absolutely mind-boggling to me. They know it exists because they referenced it randomly a few times, but there hasn't been a full coverage. How can you ignore the biggest weblore drop? All other weblore has been covered. Bizarre.

Also, not sure what my field has to do with it, but since it's been mentioned, I have to note that like... Academia is full of people being mean to one another and tearing each other apart in papers and on academic presentations. I've read papers and I've been to those. Academic discourse chews people up. Write something wrong and submit it to a paper and watch as the peer review shreds your paper to pieces.

[newronantic]

HAIKYUU!! FICS

so this is mostly gonna be for myself to keep track of my favorite fics i’ve read, but hey if anyone else wants to check some of these out then thats great

MHA one is up!!

ill keep updating this as i read more, feel free to send me suggestions!

KageHina

plain as day - emleewrites

In which Hinata has spent the better part of the last twenty years putting his heart and soul into volleyball, hoping to be recognised, to be noticed. And yet he spends all these years also thinking of himself as rather plain, beyond his lack of height and bright hair, and not really noticeable at all.

In Transit - Mysecretfanmoments

Hinata finds that he likes standing close to Kageyama on buses and trains. It doesn't mean anything--probably. Maybe.

I like the way your clothes smell - Mysecretfanmoments

Power outages, ghost stories, and the presence of a certain orange-haired boy lead to bad decision-making on Tobio's part. He'd planned to keep his crush a secret; the universe has other plans.

Chaotic Neutral - akaraka

Who's this Kageyama person on twitter and is he gay?

1: Anonymous: see title

2: Anonymous: curry king

3: Anonymous >> 1: It's the curry king, obviously. Have you been using his memes this whole time without knowing who he was?

4: Anonymous: 1) Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend 2) See above

jellyfish - mysterytwin

At the beginning of his last year at Karasuno High School, Hinata Shouyou starts a list and calls it THINGS TO DO BEFORE GRADUATION, all with high hopes that he’ll be able to complete it before his time runs out.

TsukkiYama

Try This On For Size - CloudMonsta

A lot changed for Yamaguchi Tadashi over the course of high school. He started trying on dresses, for one.

The Great Yamaguchi-Tsukishima Split (Capitalization Necessary) - WyYeuw

"But no, the current situation isn’t normal. This situation requires the full attention of the team.

No, what’s really concerning this time around, is that Yamaguchi is the one ignoring Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi confesses. Tsukishima fucks up—like, really fucks up. The volleyball club notices and loses a week’s worth of practice.

IwaOi

Terrarium - sausaged

He's practically a professional at being proactive (lies, lies, and lies when it comes to Iwaizumi).

At this point, is he really happy with just staying best friends forever? Will he be writing journals and collecting rocks forever (he will, he knows, but that is aside from the point)?

Can he really tag his Instagram photos with #YOLO if he doesn't actually put that phrase into practice?

A story about Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime, plants, and rocks.

They Say it Rain Diamonds on Jupiter - exsao

"You're in love with him."

Hajime considers denying it. He considers deliberately choking on his drink to express surprise, to create a distraction by spitting onto the man in front of him's pristine white shirt and causing a commotion. Instead, he swallows his mouthful of soda and heaves a small sigh once his mouth is free.

"Yeah," he says instead.

He's never been good at lying, anyway.

bait and switch - Stylographic_Blue_Rhapsody

Oikawa's university volleyball team knows he's in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school. They imagine a sweet-faced girl that matches his sarcasm with patience. They are so incredibly wrong.

my heart is where it’s always been - foreverautumn

Iwaizumi places his phone down carefully.

Oikawa. Pining after someone. There’s no way.

(Iwaizumi knows he shouldn’t care who Oikawa might have feelings for, but within the span of three days, it’s somehow the only thing he can think about.)

KuroKen

Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life - todxrxki

Kuroo Tetsurou runs a private Twitter account where he's constantly tweeting about how desperately in love he is with Kozume Kenma. Little does he know that Kenma sees all the tweets and keeps referencing the account in an attempt to get Kuroo to confess to him. / Or, five times Kuroo didn't notice Kenma hinting about his private Twitter account, and one time he finally did.

the things that get caught in the valves of his heart - ghostpot

Emotional competency is not exactly Kuroo's strong suit. Kenma finds it quite amusing.

Accidentally In Love - todxrxki

Kuroo frowns, but then slowly, the corners of his mouth lift up into a smirk. "Well, if it's so unbelievable, why don't we give it a try?"

Kenma glances up at him curiously. "What do you mean?"

"Let's do the 36 questions to fall in love," Kuroo says, still smirking stupidly. "If we don't fall in love, then you're right, it's bullshit. But if we do somehow..." Kuroo waggles his eyebrows. "Then I win." / Kuroo decides he and Kenma should do the 36 questions to fall in love as a joke, but they both start to realize they might actually be in love already.

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) - cosmogony

TW: major character death

Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives

even if you’re ahead for a bit, i will catch up - ghostpot

Kuroo first confesses when they're sticky-fingered, wide-eyed kids, and subsequently every day after that. Kenma takes a while to come around.

you’re the brake lines failing (as my car swerves off the freeway) - ghostpot

Kenma thinks that Kuroo looks ugly with his head bent against the arm of the couch like that. Then Kenma thinks that he wants to marry him, and is promptly thrown into the 5 stages of grief.

teach me the way home - icespyders

“Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —

because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long

and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station

when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.”

Kuroo and Kenma grow up in transit.

in this universe - crossbelladonna

Living with Kuroo is sometimes, just like this. It always feels surreal like he's living half a world and a lot of things rush by too quickly. Kenma feels like he'd watched him come and go in a blink, eyes wide and wordless as the shared space went snug in an instant and far larger in the next.

All this, and a glass of water.

Beginning’s End - todxrxki

Somehow over the course of Kenma's lifetime, he’s never really had an opportunity to miss Kuroo. He’s always been there. Even when they went to different schools, Kuroo would meet him afterwards so they could walk home together, shoulders brushing, Kuroo occasionally taking the opportunity to guide him when his nose was buried in the newest video game. The thought of Kuroo not being there anymore is uncomfortable, to say the least. / Kozume Kenma's third year and the changes the year brings in himself and his relationship with Kuroo Tetsurou.

All I Want for Christmas is You - todxrxki

“Kuro,” he says. “You’re a single guy.”

“Yeah, great, thanks for pointing that out.”

“And my parents already know you, plus they already know you like guys or whatever so… what if you pretended to be my date for Christmas dinner?” / In which Kenma recruits his housemate and best friend Kuroo to be his fake date for Christmas.

BokuAka

just to miss the sun - rosevtea

Everything begins to implode when MSBY Jackals outside hitter Bokuto Koutarou crashes Akaashi's livestream.

Operation BokuAka - kazzydolyn

After spending two whole years watching Bokuto and Akaashi pine for one another, the rest of the Fukuroudani Volleyball Club has had enough. When everyone meets up for a reunion dinner, the team decides to play matchmaker and finally get the two of them together. Unfortunately, their plan starts to fall apart when they discover that Akaashi is already dating someone. And apparently so is Bokuto. What a strange coincidence.

bitter - silvercistern

He accepted his classmate's chocolates gracefully, then declared his lack of interest with as much dignity as he could muster. She deserved the courtesy. At least she'd acknowledged that Valentine's Day was all about her, and not about him in the slightest.

Because if any of these girls had taken the time to actually get to know him, they’d quickly realize something even more important than his lack of interest in girls.

And that was that Akaashi hated sweets.

In Another Life - LittleLuxray

TW: major character death

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

120% yes - pissedofsandwich

TOKYO FRANCHISE COMING SOON @OnigiriMiya

in reply to @bokkun_official 

Congratulations! In celebration of your historic engagement, please DM us so we can send you a free membership code with a 25% discount on every fourth purchase!

Kissing Ace - karasunovolleygays

It happens right after training camp.

Akaashi Keiji has a secret he has guarded since he was a child. He won’t go so far as to call it a fear, but more of an aspect of himself of which he is horribly mortified. No one on the team knows about it, and Akaashi does his best to keep it that way.

But years of dodging hugs and casual contact come to naught in the blink of an eye and the swipe of a hand.

daisy rings and frivolous things (i am deliriously in love with you) - gabstar

Akaashi Keiji is in love. Bokuto Koutarou is a star. Everyone on Fukurodani has a gambling problem.

SakuAtsu

The MSBY Black Jackals Read Thirst Tweets - isaksara (syailendra)

Sakusa’s eyes are very dark naturally, sucking in all surrounding rays of light and crushing them in his pupils. For an athlete, he is rather pale. His lips look very pink in comparison. Atsumu is suddenly catastrophically aware that in this instance, ‘accent’ is a euphemism. “Good enough for your Olympic-size ego, Miya?”

(In which Atsumu realizes that he is attracted to Sakusa Kiyoomi in the most inconvenient way possible.)

A Liar’s Truth - internetpistol

In which Sakusa Kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but then takes one look at Miya Atsumu and thinks, then why the hell did God make them so fucking hot?

[waitimcomingtoo]

Sexy

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: Tom has a problem when you get asked a sexist question

Masterlist

“For Robert, how has it felt for you as an actor to see what’s branched from that first Iron Man movie?”

You sat back in your chair and looked around the panel as Robert answered his question. He had been to a hundred of these panels throughout his career, but you were still getting used to them. An impressed smile tugged at your lips as he got the audience laughing with an otherwise well worded answer.

“For Tom, how has joining the MCU helped you to grow as an actor?” Tom was asked by the same journalist. He was seated next to you and sat up slightly when his name was called. He gave an answer that showed his appreciation for the opportunity to act along side these actors as well as what it meant to him to be a role model for kids who didn’t fit in. You squeezed his hand under the table, proud of him for answering the question like a professional. Finally, the journalist looked at you.

“And for Y/n, you’re new to the marvel universe and had to join a cast full of very established, attractive men. Did you have any intimate relationships with any of your male cast mates?”

The silence the settled in the room was painful. Robert let out a loud scoff and shook his head in disapproval while the rest of the cast looked at you knowingly. Tom Hiddleston shot you an apologetic smile as Chris Evans laughed to himself. You leaned forward to get closer to the microphone and looked at the journalist.

“I’m sorry?”

Chris laughed harder, gripping his left side the way he did as the audience let out an awkward laugh.

“Well, being around actors like Chris Evans and Chris Hemsworth all day, surely you must’ve gone after one of them.” The journalist continued. Chris burrows his face in his hands, unable to stop laughing at how stupid the question was. You saw Toms jaw tighten beside you as he gave you a pointed look. You put your hand in his knee to let him know it was okay and he gave you a stiff nod.

“I know I’m not actually Iron Man but do you want me to blast her ass?” Robert leaned over to whisper in your ear. You laughed at his offer and gave him an appreciative smile.

“I got this.” You assured him before looked back at the journalist.

“I really want to thank you for asking me that. I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for someone to ask such an important question such as that one.” You sighed dramatically. “And you’re absolutely right. It was super hard to be around these actors everyday since they’re all just so sexy. How could I possibly pick, you know?” You laughed like it was obvious. The journalist opened her mouth to speak but you continued.

“Since I am so notorious for being an alluring, devious slut, I do make it a point to sleep with every single person, cast and crew, that I work with.” You said seriously and the cast laughed. “It’s easy when everyone’s on set and I can just pick and chose who to sleep with next, but it can get pretty difficult to track down all the editors and executives so I can sleep with them too. Of course, I always start with the main stars of the film and gradually work my way down the list. I even sleep with all the interviewers so hopefully I’ll be seeing you later in my hotel room.” You winked after her. “It’s really nice to be appreciated for my hard work so I again have to thank you for asking that question.”

You gave her a polite smile and she immediately sat down. A new kind of silence settled in the room as your answer hung in the air. No one said a word as you sat back in your chair and shrugged smugly. Tom looked down at his lap with a proud smile as he reached for your hand under the table.

“Can we take a moment to appreciate that answer?” Sebastian said into his microphone to break the silence. Anthony started a slow clap and Chris quickly joined. Robert grabbed your shoulders and shook you proudly as the room broke into applause. Your smiled shyly as the cast loudly whooped and cheered for you. You weren’t exactly quiet around them, but you certainly never said things like that. You preferred to sit back and watch them interact with a deep appreciation just to be a part of the cast. Shutting down the journalists sexist question officially solidified your place in the friend group.

“That’s a great answer. That’s how it’s done.” Chris Pratt said into his microphone as he looked at you. You waited for the applause to die down before speaking.

“Thank you.” You laughed. “To answer your question, yes I did have intimate relationships with my male cast mates. My female ones too, actually. Over the course of filming these movies, we’ve laughed together, eaten together, traveled together, celebrated birthdays together, even cried together. I consider all of those to be intimate things.”

You looked at your cast fondly as they looked back at you. A chorus of “I love you”‘s rang from the cast as the ones closest to you patted your back. Tom grabbed your face and planted a big kiss on your cheek, too proud to care about the cameras.

“I think that’s a great place to end the panel. Thank you to everyone who came. Let’s hear it one last time for the Marvel Cast.” The host of the panel spoke into his microphone. The audience applauded and you all began to get up from your seats. Tom let you walk in front of him, keeping his hand on the small of your back the whole way out.

~

“I have to give Harrison something but I’ll be right back.” Tom told you once you got backstage.

“Okay. I’ll be here.” You assured him. He leaned in to kiss you but you held up a hand.

“Tom!” You whispered as you looked around. “There are cameras everywhere. You can’t kiss me in public.”

“But you did so well out there.” He pouted. “I should be able to kiss my girlfriend no matter who’s around.”

“I know. But we agreed to keep our relationship a secret.” You quietly reminded him. He stared at you for a moment before huffing out a breath.

“Right. Fine. I’ll be right back.” He mumbled before leaving to find Harrison.

You sighed as you watched him leave, knowing it upset him to hide your relationship. You didn’t have a minute to think about what to do as people began to pile out of the panel, all commemorating you for your answer. Scarlett found you backstage and enveloped you in a hug.

“Hey, good job back there kid.” She said as she rubbed your back. “You handled that question like a pro.”

“Is it always like that? They get the cool questions and we get that?” You laughed it off, but you hoped she’d say no.

“Unfortunately, it is.” She nodded. “I’ve had to sit through interview after interview where they ask Chris how it feels to be a hero and they ask me how I fit into my body suit. I’m sorry you have to deal with it too.”

“It’s whatever. I mean, it’s not, but you know. Nothing we can do.” You shrugged. She gave you a look that told you she knew exactly what you were trying to say.

“I know. And between you and me, I’m a little offender she only asked if you slept with the male cast mates. What about me?” She scoffed, making you laugh heartily.

“She probably mistook you as a tree and didn’t see you.” You shrugged, recalling Scarletts infamous tweet.

“You’re so right. I’ll see you around, slut.” She squeezed your arm lovingly and walked away right as Tom came back.

“Did Scarlett just call you a slut?” He asked in confusion

“Yes. But I liked it.” You replied, only confusing Tom further. “Let’s go home.”

~

“Do you want Chinese for dinner?” You asked Tom once you were back at the hotel. His typically gentle features were hardened as he scrolled through his phone from the couch, not even looking up at you when you asked the question.

“Sure.” He mumbled.

“Or should we just order room service?” You asked as you glanced over the menu provided by the hotel.

“Okay.” He said, still not looking up. You eyed him curiously, knowing he wasn’t paying attention to anything you were saying.

“What I really want to eat is some danimals crush cups right out of Dylan Sprouse’s hands. Let me go see if he has some.” You tested him to see if he really wasn’t listening.

“Sounds good.” Tom grumbled. You walked over to him and pushed his phone down from his face with your finger.

“What’s up with you? You’re not listening to me.” You asked him. He finally looked up at you and sighed heavily.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little distracted.” He set his phone down and pulled you into his lap, pressing a chaste kiss to your temple.

“What’s wrong?” You wondered as your soothingly brushed your fingers through his hair. Tom impatiently tapped his fingers on your leg as he thought about what to say. You could tell something was seriously bothering him from how flushed his face. His body was tense beneath you, slowly loosening up with your touch.

“I just can’t believe that reporter disrespected you like that.” He grumbled, keeping his eyes down. You furrowed your eyebrows at his statement, having forgotten about the situation yourself.

“That’s what’s been bothering you?” You laughed slightly. “I handled it, Tommy. The journalist is gonna be dealing with backlash from that question for years.”

Tom shrugged and rested his chin on your shoulder with a pout.

“It’s just not fair.” He stated. “You shouldn’t have to deal with these sexy questions-“

“Sexist questions.” You cut him off with a chuckle to correct him.

“You shouldn’t have to deal with these sexist questions all the time.” He repeated with a huff. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, reminding you of a timid child. You leaned your head on top of his and wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

“That’s just how it is, baby.” You shrugged, not sure what else to tell him. You wished it was different too, but it just wasn’t.

“It shouldn’t be.” He mumbled against your neck. You rubbed his back to let him know you understood.

“I know it shouldn’t be. But all we can do is educate the people who ask those questions and give them sassy responses. And you know how much I love being sassy.” You pulled away so you could smile at him. He stared at you for a moment before giving you a half smile back. You thought you had assuaged the situation until his pout returned.

“She didn’t even mention me.” He recalled. “You’re my girlfriend and she thought you slept with everyone but me.”

“In her defense, no one knows I’m your girlfriend.” You reminded him, unknowingly making him feel worse. His face faltered and he kept he slumped back on the couch.

“Do you think people would stop asking you things like that if they knew?” He wondered out loud after a beat of silence.

“Maybe. Or maybe I’d get asked even worse questions.” You laughed sadly. “There’s no way to tell.”

Tom seemed unsatisfied with your answer and let out a sigh. He sat up from his seat position and wrapped his arms firmly around your waist.

“It’s getting really hard for me to sit back me listen to people disrespect the women of this cast. Or the women of Hollywood in general. Especially you.” He stated. “I’m your boyfriend. I should be defending you.”

“I understand, baby. But I can defend myself.” You reminded him with a soft smile. “Don’t worry about me, Tommy. I can handle a few sexists.”

Tom reluctantly nodded and leaned back in the couch, pulling you with him so you were resting on his chest.

“It still bothers me.” He mumbled before kissing the top of your head.

“I know.” You tilted your chin up to look at him. “It bothers me too.”

“I should’ve said something.” He cursed himself as he shook his head in disdain. “I shouldn’t have just sat there.���

“It’s alright.” You assured him, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“It’s not.” He said definitively. “And it won’t happen again.

The conversation you had resonated with Tom and sat in the back of his mind for the rest of the press tour. The incident at the panel did bring some good, which Tom was happy about, as journalists often sided with you when it was brought up. Since Tom was often put with you for interviews, he was able to closely monitor the questions you were being asked. You managed to get through the rest of the press tour without another sexist question, and Tom assumed you had actually ignited some change.

Until the final day.

“Tom, how would you like to see Peter Parker mature and grow in future MCU films?” Tom was asked during your last interview of the day. It was a simple question that he had gotten before, so he answered it simply. You smiled at him as he spoke, proud of all he had done so far and excited for what he’d do in the future. He finished his answer and the journalist smiled at him.

“I’d love to see that too.” He nodded at Tom. “So, Y/n, your suit is obviously very form fitting. I’m sure you’ve seen the comments so I have to ask, can you wear underwear under the suit?”

You blinked in surprise for a moment as you processed the question. You could hear Tom suck in a sharp breath, practically feeling the heat radiating off of him as anger pulsated through him.

It had happened again.

He was asked an intelligent question about his character and you were asked about your body.

“I’m sorry?” You raised an eyebrow, trying to give the journalist a chance to redeem himself.

“I’m asking since there are plenty of shots from behind but never any panty lines.” The journalist smirked at you in a way that made you deeply uncomfortable. “Fans wanted to know if you were wearing underwear under your suit or not.”

“That’s funny, I’ve never had a fan ask me that. Only you guys.” You kept a tight smile as you tried to keep the situation under control. You shot a look at Tom, who was giving the journalist a lethal stare. He was gripping the sides of his chair so tightly that his knuckles were white. You quickly reached over and took his hand in yours, not caring about the cameras and just wanting to comfort him.

“Well we-“

“She doesn’t want to answer that.” Tom abruptly cut you off as he shot daggers at the journalist. The journalist snickered and rolled his eyes a little as he looked at his list of questions

“All right, moving on.” He said, slightly bitter. “Tom, which Avenger, other than Tony, would you like Peter to train from?”

Tom looked at you, as if asking for your permission to continue. He was ready to walk out of the interview but only on your call. You gave him a reassuring smile that encouraged him to continue.

“I would say Captain America because I think he understands how it feels to be the little guy. Peter and Steve were both picked on before they got their powers, although Peter was still picked on after he got his powers. But neither Captain America or Spider-Man have guns or fire blasters, just fists and strength, so I think they would get along well.” Tom answered, looking at you the whole time instead of the interviewer. You squeezed his hand and gave him a gentle nod.

“That’s a good answer. Well done.” He commemorated Tom. “And Y/n, like we mentioned before, one of the most noticeable things about your character is her skintight suit. How did you train to fit into that?”

You and Tom exchanged knowing looks before you answered.

“Again with the suit.” You laughed awkwardly. “Are you trying to fit into one or something?”

“I just want to know how you fit into the suit.” He shrugged. “Trust me, I’ve studied pictures of you in it pretty closely. It looks like a second skin.”

“Well, they measured me, so it was gonna fit regardless. Because, you know, they made it my size.” You answered like it was obvious, because it was. Your straight cut answer didn’t satisfy the prying needs of the journalist.

“So no extra squats to make it look as good as possible?” He winked at you and Toms grip on your hand tightened.

“I didn’t exactly go into this film hoping my ass looked good, if that’s what you’re asking.” You said flatly. “I was more looking to be a powerful role model for girls to look up to.”

“But your ass looking good would just be a plus, right?” He laughed and looked at you as if you were supposed to laugh too.

“Um, no.” You squinted your eyes and tilted your head.

“I’m about to end this mans whole career.” Tom said under his breath. From the look on his face, you could tell he had bitten his tongue long enough.

The boy was about to burst.

“What was that, Tom?” The journalist asked, not having heard him.

“Stop being sexy!” Tom demanded. You looked right at the camera with the surprised pikachu face as the journalist laughed in confusion.

“What?” He asked.

“He means sexist.” You informed him.

“What is wrong with you? Is that question seriously on your sheet?” Tom asked angrily, letting go of your hand to point at the paper the journalist was holding.

“Tom, it’s okay.” You put your hand on his shoulder to relax him, but he was seeing red.

“No, I want to see it. I want to know if you’re dumb or just the company you work for.” Tom snatched the little blue sheet from the journalist and read it over. “Look at that, it’s just you.”

He held up the sheet and the questions you had been asked were in on it. You looked at the sheet and made another face at the camera.

“I’m not the first person to think she looks hot in her suit.” The journalist defended with his smirk still present, only angering Tom further.

“But you’re the first person to piss me off enough to the point where I’m about to walk out of this interview.” Tom snapped back and your jaw dropped. You looked at the camera and pointed at Tom before giving a thumbs up. You were almost enjoying it too much to interrupt, but you didn’t want him to get too interrupted.

“Tommy, relax.” You said as you soothingly rubbed his arm. “It’s okay. I get it all the time.”

“That’s exactly why I’m mad.” He told you. “I know you get this all the time. We get the deep, philosophical questions and the girls get the sexy questions.”

“Sexist questions.” You corrected with a smile.

“The girls get the sexist questions.” He fixed his mistake. “I’m so sick of listening to people disrespect my girlfriend all day long. The girls aren’t here for you to drool over during action sequences. Girls strong and smart and tough and deserved to be asked about more than what underwear they’re wearing. Let’s go.”

Tom got out of his seat, took your hand, and walked out of the room. He lead you all the way to your dressing room in silence and didn’t let go of your hand until the door was closed. You folded your arms and looked at him as he looked at the ground sheepishly. His anger was gone now and he just looked apologetic.

“I’m sorry, I know you said you could handle it but-“

You cut him off by throwing your arms around him and kissing him. He stumbled back a little but regained his footing and kissed you back.

“Don’t apologize.” You smiled and rubbed your nose against his once you pulled away. “I loved what you said.”

“I know you can take care of yourself.” He told you. “But I’m gonna take care of you too.”

You smiled in appreciation before kissing him again.

“That’s okay with me.”

~

Later that night, you found Tom on the hotel couch again and sat on his lap. He wrapped an arm around your waist to keep you in place as you wrapped an arm around his neck.

“Check out this article I just read.” You smiled innocently at him. “‘Tom Holland goes on feminist rant to defend girlfriend, Y/n L/n. Click here to watch.’ Sounds pretty interesting.” You said sarcastically and Tom grimaced. In the midst of his argument with the reporter, he let it slip that you were his girlfriend.

“Oh.” He pursed his lips. “I messed up pretty bad, huh?”

You laughed slightly and kissed his forehead.

“I don’t think my boyfriend defending women like it’s his day job is messing up. I think it’s pretty sweet.” You shrugged and brushed his hair out of his face.

“But I exposed our relationship.” He pouted apologetically. You took his chin between your fingers and kissed his pouted lips.

“A small price to pay for salvation.” You quoted Thanos, making Tom laugh. “Thanks for sticking up for me.”

“It doesn’t even matter. You’re still gonna get asked sexy questions.” He grumbled as he toyed with your fingers.

“Sexist questions.” You corrected yet again.

“You’re still gonna get asked sexist questions. One feminist rant want solve that.” He mocked the article and let out a sigh.

“Maybe not, but at least I know I have a whole defense team to back me up next time I get asked a sexy question.” You teased him and kissed his nose. “I love you, Tommy.”

“I love you more, baby doll.” He smiled sleepily and pulled you into a real kiss.

“Now that I think about it, what do you wear under your suit?” He wondered once he pulled away. You pretended to be shocked and gasped.

“Hey!” You playfully slapped his arm. “Stop being sexy.”

Tag List 🏷

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[pr1ncessm00n]

for sale or wanted • jean kirstein x fem! reader

seven.

series masterlist

prev | next

warnings: cursing, some “friends” (tv show) references, hostility towards reiner >:( and some mentions of a disrespectful relationship. slight ass staring LOL. awkwardness. lots of it. thick tension geesh

*written chapter * THE DATES ARE WRONG. THIS TAKES PLACE IN JANUARY. I REPEAT THE DATES ON THE MESSAGES ARE WRONG I JUST REALIZED. 💔 Proceed.*

[ playlist - more than friends : real life animals ]

“Y/N!” Ymir yelled.

Flinching, Y/N turned to face Ymir, who’s arm was around Historia on the non-Porco couch. That’s what they had coined the couch they actually liked and fit with their theme. Ymir and Historia were currently on it, watching a rerun of Friends. Y/N was making a sandwich. Sasha was snoring loudly on the Porco couch.

“You don’t have to yell,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “What do you want?”

“When’s Kirstein comin’?” Ymir asked.

“I’m not sure,” Y/N responded. “He said around 4.”

“It’s 4:15.” Ymir retorted.

“Your point?” Y/N placed her hand on her hip, butterknife in her hand.

“He’s not coming.” Ymir said smugly. “Typical Kirstein.”

Historia sighed, exasperated. “Just shush Ymir. You haven’t seen Jean in years and you still act rude to him!”

Ymir cackled. “It’s just fun to work you guys up.”

Y/N turned back to making her sandwich. “It’s not like we’re on time for anything either.” She grumbled.

“Defending Kirstein?” Ymir scoffed. “Sounds like you got the hots for him.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“Are you 12?” Y/N snapped. “The ‘hots’? Really? Who says that anymore?”

Ymir only cackled in response.

—

Jean clicked his phone off, leaning back in the passenger seat of Reiner’s car.

“Everything good?” Reiner asked.

“Yeah, just Connie and Sasha being aggravating as usual.” Jean explained. Reiner shook his head.

“So this couch, was it really worth it or did you just see a pretty girl and get too embarrassed to say no?” Reiner teased, smirking.

Jean rolled his eyes. “It’s not the best piece of furniture out there but I am, one, BROKE, and two, it was an easy buy.”

Reiner shrugged. “I don’t know, I saw your tweet.”

Jean blushed. “I just tweet my thoughts, we all know that by now.”

Reiner’s smirked deepened. “Not everyday you tweet about a pretty girl.”

It’s not everyday I meet one, Jean thought.

Jean shook his head, looking out the window. He tried to stretch but hit his arms against the truck’s roof. His legs were cramped as well.

“How do you even fit in here?” Jean asked, irritated by the tight fit.

Reiner shrugged. “I’d trade the inconvenience of no leg room for a big pickup bed anyday. It’s useful.”

“Nah, you probably just like to show off your massive truck bed and hope girls find that kinda thing cool.” Jean said.

Reiner laughed. “That too.”

“Has it worked?”

“Nope.” Reiner replied cheerily.

“Is that Becky G!” Jean exclaimed, suddenly hearing the faint sound of “Shower” playing through the truck’s speakers.

“Shit!” Reiner exclaimed, turning red. He quickly rushed to move his hand off the steering wheel and change the song off his phone. Jean continued laughing, the sight of Reiner’s red face, embarrassment clear, only fueling his laughing fit.

“Shut up,” Reiner growled. “It’s a good song.” The thought of the huge guy jamming out to Becky G almost sent him into another fit, but Jean strained to hold it in. The ride remained silent for a few minutes when Reiner spoke again.

“If you ever mention that to anyone, I’ll run you over.” He murmured. Jean chuckled and turned to face Reiner only to see he was being serious, staring intently back at Jean. Jean shut his mouth, nodding.

A few moments after, almost subconsciously, Reiner began to whistle the tune. Jean couldn’t resist the laugh that escaped his throat, earning a dirty look from Reiner.

—

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “Coming!” Y/N called, taking her apron off and rushing to the door. She opened the door, smiling.

She was met with Reiner’s face.

“Reiner?” She asked, somewhat in disbelief.

“Y/N, put the butterknife down,” Reiner put his hands up, backing up a few steps.

“What-“ Y/N remembered the butterknife in her hands, clenched tightly now between her knuckles. “Oh, sorry.” She went to put it in the kitchen. “Come in!” She called behind her.

Reiner cautiously stepped inside the dorm, eyeing his surroundings.

“Braun.” Ymir greeted, nodding at him.

“Hey!” Historia waved cheerily. Reiner sheepishly greeted them back.

“Ymir, Historia. Good to see you all again.” He managed to get out awkwardly. He tilted his head curiously, looking at Sasha snoozing on the couch. He gestured to Sasha questioningly at Ymir.

Ymir waved her hand dismissively. “She’ll wake up, just give her a minute.” As if in response, Sasha mumbled in her sleep.

“Um,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Jean’s on a phone call, but he’ll be here soon.”

Jean was on the phone with his mother, who called at that exact moment and decided it was a good time to scold him about not calling for a week and a half. Jean was pacing on the sidewalk, his hand in his hair.

“Oh, okay.” Y/N replied. “Um, so how have you been?” The tension in the air was thick, but since neither Y/N or Reiner were confrontational they didn’t know how to address the mood.

“Good, good.” Reiner nodded. “And you?”

Y/N nodded back. “Good, too.”

The room grew silent.

“I’m sorry, but did someone die?” Ymir blurted.

“Ymir!” Historia gasped, slapping her arm. Ymir removed her hand around Historia and sat forward, opening her hands in a What? gesture.

“Well, it feels like a funeral in here!” Ymir said defensively. “Y/N’s over here glaring at Reiner like he’s an enemy of the state.”

“I am not!” Y/N semi-shouted, her voice shrill. Sasha sat up on the couch.

“Can y’all shut up?” She snapped.

“No!” Ymir and Y/N shouted at her. Sasha groaned, throwing her hand over her forehead and falling back on the couch.

“Look, Y/N,” Reiner started awkwardly. “I don’t mean any harm, and I know it’s weird after everything with Porco... but I just wanted to say that I don’t agree with anything he did. And I wouldn’t have just shown up here if I knew it was your place.”

Y/N uncrossed her arms, trying to fix the visible displeasure in her face. She could not hide her emotions if her life depended on it. There was a few beats of silence before Y/N finally spoke.

“Reiner, I don’t hate you,” She said begrudgingly. “It’s not that, it’s just… You knew what Porco did and said behind my back and you just never told me. I always felt like his friends agreed with him that I was crazy or something.”

“No! Not at all,” Reiner reassured her. “To be honest, I didn’t really know what was going on in his life. I haven’t talked to him much since I left Marley. All I knew was that he was dating you. He just told me you broke up and that’s when he finally told me everything he did. I’m so sorry.” Reiner rambled.

Y/N sighed. “I mean, I’m not going to blame you. It was between Porco and I. But I guess that makes me feel better, like you didn’t betray me.” She chuckled awkwardly.

“No, I’d never stand for the stuff Porco did.” Reiner said.

“Did he cheat?” Sasha whispered to Historia. Historia shushed Sasha, swatting her.

“So we’re good?” Reiner asked. Y/N nodded.

“Sorry for the hostility, I just never expected you to be here.” Y/N admitted.

“No, I get it. But I wish Jean would’ve at least given me a headsup you were Sasha’s room mate.” Reiner muttered.

There was a knock on the door then. “Come in!” Y/N shouted. Jean walked in, peeking his head around the corner to where Y/N was standing in the kitchen with Reiner.

“Hey!” Jean said. He waved at Historia and Ymir. “So I assume you met Reiner?”

“Actually,” Y/N chuckled nervously. “We’ve known each other.”

“Oh!” Jean replied, eyes widening. “Even better! So he’s gonna help me move this thing.” He patted the couch Sasha was snoring on.

Y/N nodded, a tight lipped smile.

“Kirstein,” Ymir called. Jean glanced at her. “Long time no see.”

“Oh yeah! How have you been?” He asked Ymir. “And nice to see you too, Historia.”

Historia waved.

“I’ve been pretty good,” Ymir responded. “But I see you’re still late to everything.”

Jean blushed a deep red, running a hand through his hair. “Oh, yeah, I’m sorry. I got a phone call I had to take.” He looked at the floor, embarrassed. Ymir simply grunted.

“So do you want to start moving it?” Jean asked Reiner.

Reiner nodded, walking over to the couch. The men stared down at Sasha’s sleeping figure, unfazed by the commotion. “Do we wake her?” Reiner questioned.

Jean sighed, shoving Sasha. “Hey. Wake up. Wake up. Wake upppp,” He shook the side or her body with his palm.

Sasha groaned. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.” she grumbled sleepily.

“You and Ymir literally bullied me to get rid of it,” Y/N scoffed.

“I had forgotten how comfy it was!” Sasha protested, turning to the opposite side. “Five more minutes.” Y/N scoffed.

“Do you guys want a sandwich while we wait for Sleeping Beauty?” Y/N offered, tilting her head towards the kitchen with the butterknife.

“More like sleeping ugly.” Ymir snorted.

Y/N and Jean made eye contact.

“You get used to it..” Y/N mouthed. Jean nodded, agreeing.

“I heard that!” Sasha exclaimed to Ymir. “Just for that, I’m gonna fart in your bed.”

Reiner turned a deep red. For someone who liked to listen to 2014 pop, he was pretty bashful.

“I’ll take one, if it’s not too much of a bother,” Jean raised a finger, inquiring.

“No problem! Follow me. And you, Reiner?” Y/N walked back to the kitchen, opening the fridge, Jean a few steps behind her.

“I’ll take one too then, thank you.” Reiner accepted. Y/N nodded, bending over into Jean’s line of sight almost unassumingly. Jean’s eyes widened, before looking the other way, a faint blush appearing on his features. He didn’t want to get caught ogling the girl on their second meeting, possibly giving the impression he was a creep. But damn, was it hard. He felt someone staring at him, and when he focused he realized it was Historia, who was holding back a giggle. He got even more flustered, looking away from her too.

“Any specifics? Mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup? We have pickles and a wide variety of condiments and lunch meats.” Y/N listed.

“Y/N,” Ymir scolded. “Those lunch meats are for the fancy guests!”

Y/N shot her a glare. “Ignore Ymir, she’s just grumpy because she hasn’t been fed her daily sacrifice of small children.” Jean laughed a little too hard while Reiner chuckled. It was hard for Jean to focus when she smelled so good and was at a certain angle.

“Um, lies,” Ymir replied nonchalantly. “Children eating is at 12, it’s 4. That’s the senior citizen buffet.”

“Har, har.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “So what do you guys want?”

“Anything is fine, really,” Jean said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Is ham and muenster cheese good?” Y/N asked, standing upright and grabbing the two containers.

“Monster cheese?” Reiner asked, puzzled.

“M-U-E-nster. It’s so good, try it!” Y/N began to assemble both boys their sandwiches. “I’m gonna give you the works! Lettuce, mayonnaise and tomatoes!”

“Is Y/N making sandwiches?” Sasha asked from the couch, eyes tightly shut.

“Yeah, but don’t get your hopes up. There’s no children flavor.” Ymir mocked.

Y/N flicked her off without turning back.

Sasha bolted off the couch. “Can you make me a sandwich, Y/N? Pleaseeee? Pretty please?” Sasha begged, appearing at Y/N’s side and slightly shoving Jean.

“Yeah, yeah. But I’m not cutting the pickles this time. That’s gross.”

Sasha hummed happily, going to the kitchen to hand Y/N her sandwich components.

“Why don’t you just make your own, Sasha?” Jean asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because!” Sasha exclaimed defensively. “Y/N makes the best ones! They’re so good, and they aren’t lopsided and sloppy like Ymir’s.”

“You could always just starve.”Ymir suggested unhelpfully. She suddenly joined Historia in clapping her hands along to the Friends theme.

“But hello! Cheerio!” Ymir waved frantically to Jean and Reiner. “Don’t y’all got a couch to be moving?”

“Right,” Reiner agreed, walking over to the couch. “Jean, you take that side and we’ll lift it to my truck. Can someone open the door?”

“On it!” Sasha ran over to help.

Jean got on the other side of the couch, and on the count of three him and Reiner lifted it.

“See, that wasn’t so bad,” Ymir chided. “PIVOT! PIVOT!” she suddenly shrieked, causing Reiner to startle.

“Is she always like that?” He asked, wincing.

“Yes.” Everyone in the room agreed.

As Jean and Reiner moved the couch out of the dorm, Ymir sang the Friends theme song loud enough to be heard from the hallway. Historia harmonized with her happily, leaning into her chest.

Once Reiner and Jean safely secured the couch to Reiner’s truck bed, they returned to the dorm room.

“Yay! It’s gone!” Y/N clapped her hands enthusiastically. “Thanks guys, really.”

“Thank you,” Jean replied. “I really needed a couch.”

“And thank me,” Reiner teased. “For having a truck and upper body strength.”

Y/N laughed. “Here’s your sandwiches, courtesy of Chef Y/N.”

“Five stars!” Sasha banged her first on the table, chewing loudly.

“I put some chips on the side,” Y/N pointed to Jean’s plate. “It just adds that extra flavor.” She admitted almost shyly. Jean’s heart swelled. Why was she acting so.. adorable? There was just no other word for it. It wasn’t a big deal. His friends often acted adorable. Armin, Connie, even Sasha. Eren… On second thought, not Eren.

“Thanks! I love chips!” Jean said. Y/N laughed again, the corners of her eyes crinkling, shaking her head a bit. Even Reiner chuckled.

“Great commentary,” He said, patting Jean on the back with a large hand. “Thanks, Y/N.” He made his way to the couch, where Historia scooted to make room for him, smiling brightly.

“Don’t even try anything,” Ymir warned, holding up a finger to Reiner and giving him a death stare. Reiner shook his head, eyes widened in fear. Ymir borderline barked.

“You can sit!” Y/N motioned to the small breakfast table Sasha was devouring her sandwich at.

Jean quickly glanced at the table, then at Y/N leaning against the counter. “Nah, I’m good here.” He took a bite out of his sandwich.

“Ugh, that’s so barbaric,” Y/N scoffed. “Eating standing up.”

Jean nearly choked on the bite of sandwich. “Weren’t you just thanking me for buying your ugly couch?” He sassed.

Y/N rasied her eyebrows. “Um, you should be thanking me and my ugly couch for saving you from sitting on the floor. Why’d you even buy one if you just eat standing up? You animal.” Jean shook his head, trying to contain his smile.

“That’s rude.” He stated simply.

Y/N punched his shoulder jokingly. “You can handle it.”

Jean shrugged. “I don’t know. I might just cry myself to sleep every night. Who knows how long the guilt will eat you alive for.” He said in a fake menacing tone.

“Oooh, I’m terrified.” Y/N waved her hands.

“For good reason. I’d be a pretty annoying guilt trip.”

“I don’t doubt that.” Y/N agreed. His voice is so deep, Y/N thought.

Sasha stared at them blankly, head on her hand, mouth partially open.

“Uh…”

“Sasha,” Jean rolled his eyes. “Close your mouth, I can literally see the chips.”

Like a fish, Sasha’s mouth closed with a wet sound. She finished chomping and swallowed before getting up.

“You guys are weird.” She said, walking to the couch as well.

Jean and Y/N watched her go, attempting to fit on the medium sized sofa.

“I think we might need another couch.” Y/N commented, watching Sasha try to shove Reiner off her usual seating spot.

“No take backsies,” Jean smirked, looking at her.

“I sold it for a reason, whatever your last name is.” Y/N crossed her arms.

Jean guffawed. “Like you don’t know my last name.”

“I don’t! It’s pretentious.” Y/N insisted.

“Uh, huh.” Jean replied, not believing it, more so hoping it was just a joke. “It’s Kirstein.” He said instead, opting to not find out the hard way.

“I was right, it is pretentious. All fancy soundin’.” Y/N shuddered.

“It is not!” Jean argued.

“Whatever. Do you know mine?”

“Duh,” Jean mocked, staring at Y/N and placing his empty plate on the counter.

“Then what is it?” Y/N shot back, staring just as intently.

“It’s uh- It’s um,” Jean drew a blank. He stuttered, trying to recall the memory.

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh.”

Jean waved his hand dismissively. “It’s probably just basic.”

“Sure, Kirstein,” Y/N dragged out the syllables. “It’s L/N, if you must know.”

“L/N.” Jean repeated. “Nice to meet you.” He stuck his hand out.

“You’re not gonna freeze up now?”

“Very funny. You totally froze up first.”

“You looked like a deer in headlights.”

Jean shook his head, checking his watch. It was 5:15. Connie would be home soon, hungry. “I should head out, I got a lot of stuff to do.”

“More interesting than couch transporting?” Y/N picked up Jean’s plate, moving it to the sink.

“If you can believe it, yeah.” Jean chuckled. “But hey, thank you. It was pretty good.”

“The sandwich or the couch?” Y/N teased.

“Both.”

“Probably the sandwich.” Y/N said.

“Probably.” Jean agreed. “You ready to go?” He asked Reiner. Reiner nodded, getting up from the couch. Sasha scrambled to her feet off the floor to take his spot.

“Bye, everyone,” Reiner waved. “Thanks for the food, Y/N.”

“You’re welcome! Hope you enjoyed it.” Y/N waved.

“And um,” He stepped closer to Y/N, lowering his voice. “I’m sorry about earlier. If you ever want to um, talk about it,” Reiner ran a hand through his hair. “Just text me.”

Y/N grew stiff. Plastering a fake smile on her face, she just nodded. “Thanks, Reiner. I’m okay though.”

Reiner nodded. “I’ll see you outside, I’m gonna start the truck.” Reiner told Jean. He walked out, keys jangling, and shut the door gently. Jean stared at Y/N quizzically. He decided it was best not to ask, not wanting to come off as nosy or creepy. But Y/N could tell he was curious. She figured Reiner would explain and grew flustered just thinking about the humiliation of Jean knowing what Reiner knew. She preferred to leave that to Reiner and Jean to talk about.

“So I’ll see you around?” Jean asked, making his way to the door. Before Y/N could respond, Historia piped up.

“Wait, Jean!” She walked over to the breakfast table, digging into her pink Coach shoulderbag. “Here!” She produced a small pink invite, extending it to Jean.

HISTORIA’S 21ST BDAY BASH <33

Jan. 15 @ 8 PM @ Reiss Estate

2000’s THEMED

wear ur best y2k attire!

can’t w8 to see u there ;)

<3

Jean raised an eyebrow, flipping the card to the back. It was a pic of Historia as a kid, wearing a hot pink feather boa with a pink plastic cellphone against her ear. She looked more or less the same, only more subtler. The girl did like pink.

“You should totally come! Connie’s also invited, and Eren is coming with Mikasa! It’ll be so fun, I hope to see you there.”

“Thanks!” Jean replied, glancing at Y/N. “I’ll be there. Bye guys!” A chorus of “bye!”s ensued. He stepped out the door. 

Outside the dorm, he let out a sigh of relief. Historia’s birthday bash. Another opportunity to see Y/N.

Inside the dorm, Ymir glared at Historia. “Why’d you invite him, babe?” She whined, pouting like a child.

“Many reasons,” Historia began, walking over and sitting on her lap. “One, to spite you. Two, he’s nice! Three, I can’t invite all of his friends and not him. That’s rude. And four, for Y/N.” Sasha and Ymir looked at Y/N.

Y/N’s mouth dropped. “Um, what? I didn’t say anything!”

“Oh, please,” Ymir rolled her eyes in disbelief. “We all saw you canoodling.”

“No, we weren’t.” Y/N grumbled, washing the dishes.”

Historia giggled. “It’s okay, Y/N. You can just talk to Jean at my party.”

Y/N shrugged. “Maybe.”

Pulling out her phone, Y/N found herself re-reading her and Jean’s messages. Not really knowing why, she decided to save his contact.

Just incase, Y/N thought.

—

Later that night, Y/N’s phone dinged.

—

Meanwhile:

—

a/n: hey guys!! i’m sorry for the late update but I made this chapter extra long to make up for it :D so i saw this post and it was like “fanfic authors be going thru the most traumatic shit and then come back like nothing happened with a 6k word count chapter” and LET ME TELL YOU, that is my life. Rn nothing traumatic is happening but man it’s like this fic WANTS to be delayed lol. So i broke my thumbnail and i could NOT type for a few days without excruciating pain!! then i was busy into the night time which is my usual writing time. now i am sick with a fever, sore throat and a stuffy nose!! but i’m here, hopefully i won’t be sick for my graduation lol cus then i won’t be able to go. i hope y’all enjoyed this and ahh i felt so bad being mean to reiner but i feel like this was necessary for the porco plot to develop haha. also this is not proofread it’s 2am and i literally suck at writing first meetings/conversations. can you tell this was rushed lmaoooo. there was a lot more i was going to say but i forgot omfg so tune in to the next chapter!! love you all xx

btw i literally do not know how to do that “keep reading” tab thing where it cuts off your writing so it isn’t one big post so can someone please teach me :)

taglist: @usernamehere91 @calumsfringe @tsunderehokage

[writingtoforgetreality]

Take It Easy - Little Movie Star Chapter Four (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The aftermath of the hate comments. Jensen explained that the future would not be easy if you had a public life. Bonding time with Danneel was appreciated & a revelation left Jensen with a plan for you.

Words: 2,022

Warnings: language, mentions of cyber bullying, bonding time, fluff, tiny bit of angst, fake social media posts (picture credits go to their rightful owners)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Sunrise came sooner than anticipated. Wanting to procrastinate the talk with Jensen & Danneel, you slowly dragged yourself out of bed & went to the bathroom. Risking a look in the mirror was a big mistake. Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did yesterday. Technically, you could go for sunglasses. Nope, you could not do that. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…& douchebags. Chuckling slightly at your own joke. Hopping in the shower real quick, you hoped the warm water could calm you down enough.

After putting on a comfortable outfit for the day, you took a deep breath & started walking to JJ’s room. It had become quite the routine for you. If you were up early enough, you stopped by her room & took her with you downstairs. Knocking softly & opening the door slowly, you saw her already awake, waiting for you to pick her up.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?” she nodded eagerly & stretched out her arms.

“Let’s get to breakfast then.” smiling sweetly at her. Just for a second, you forgot all about last night & just lived in the moment. Oh, if it were that easy all the time…

Silent voices made you stop in your tracks. Eavesdropping was not something you usually did but you could not help yourself. Besides, you could tell that this conversation resembled around you.

“Maybe she hasn’t seen the comments yet.”

“Oh come on, Dee. Of course she has. I mean, our comment sections are filled with that bullshit.” Jensen was deeply hurt by what some of his fans were saying about you, after one single post.

“What should we do?” Danneel sighed.

“We talk to her.” that was when you coughed to bring the attention to yourself. They turned around & looked surprised by your sudden appearance. You set JJ down & crossed your arms over your chest.

“Sorry for listening in on you guys.” your eyes flickered down because deep down, you knew what you did was not okay.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. We wanted to talk to you anyway.” Jensen walked over to you, followed by Danneel.

“Please don’t listen to any of them, angel.” the nickname made your eyes shot up & when you looked at Danneel, you could feel the tears threatening to escape. Jensen could tell right away & wrapped his strong arms around your frame. You did not care about being vulnerable in front of them. Even though you were sure you would regret your actions in a few hours from now.

Breakfast was filled with conversation between the three of you. JJ & the twins were not understanding anything anyway & you were glad that they were too young to care about stupid comments made by anonymous people on the internet.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Jensen’s voice was filled with disappointment. Though, you were not sure if it was directed at his fans or at his decision of making an Instagram post in the first place.

“None of this is your fault.” reassuring him quietly.

“You don’t deserve this. And we don’t want you to think that we’re not happy with you being here because that is bullshit. We love having you here.” Danneel’s hand found yours on the table & she gave you a little squeeze that put a small smile on your face. You were about to tell them something you had never admitted to anyone before. It was a big step for you & you were making yourself even more vulnerable in front of them. But they seemed genuinely concerned about you & you did not know why but you believed what they were saying. You just hoped your trust in them was not misplaced.

“It’s just…It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that. A lot of the families I had been to previously had shared their opinions with me. I’m used to it, I don’t even know why it’s affecting me this much.” Jensen & Danneel shared a look with each other. Yes, they were happy that you were sharing a little bit of your past with them but what you shared broke their hearts. The worst thing was that they knew it was not the only thing that had happened to you. There had to be so much more that you still had not told them & they were scared what would come in the future.

“Can you promise me something?” Jensen waited until you met his eyes. “If you have thoughts like that, you come to us immediately. Because whatever your mind tries to tell you, it ain’t true. A lot of these comments are not only hurtful but also threatening. And I’ll put a stop to this right now.” he pulled out his phone & opened twitter. He showed Danneel & you the tweets before he hit send. Afterwards, they told you that comments similar to what you had read will continue to come at your way, simply because they were celebrities. After all, you were part of their family now & therefore your life would also be kind of public. As much as you would allow it anyway.

To some, these tweets might not be a lot but to you, they meant the world. After Jensen tweeted these, you grabbed your own phone, opened Instagram & reposted the picture you took yesterday.

You meant every single word because you did feel like a part of this family & why you still could not understand why they wanted you in the first place, you were more than happy that you were here still. A few weeks ago, you would have never thought to stay with them for so long. Yeah, they really meant it when they said they wanted you to be a part of them.

“I know exactly what we need!” Danneel stood up & you gave her a confused look. What was she planning?

“Girls-Day.” giving you a wink, she helped you out of your seat & gave you a light push, telling you to get dressed so you guys could go shopping. Danneel was aware that you were still slightly uncomfortable whenever you were alone with her but she wanted to change that & what better way than a shopping trip together?

The trip to the local mall was very much needed. Danneel warned you about possible paparazzi & the thought made you nervous. What if you did not look good? What if it gave the media something negative to report on? Danneel silenced your thoughts by dragging you into the first shop. Your shopping spree was successful & you came back with tons of shopping bags. Feeling bad because you did not pay for anything, Danneel assured you that it was no problem. Besides, you did not have a lot of clothing to begin with & she told you that you needed it. Also, she gave you permission to raid her closet any time you wanted. And who were you to decline such an offer?

“Successful much?” Jensen joked when the two of you entered the house, struggling with all the bags you were carrying. He gave you a hand & set some of the bags on the couch. Your mood had changed drastically if you were to compare yourself to a few hours prior.

“Jensen, can you help (Y/N) putting her stuff in her room?” Danneel grabbed some of her bags, definitely not nearly as many as were filled with your clothing.

After putting all of the bags on your bed, Jensen offered to help you putting them away in your closet & you thanked him. While the two of you got to work, he commented on some of the clothes that he was storing away & said that you & Danneel chose a lot of great looking things.

“So, how was today?” Jensen started a conversation & you were not in the mood to lie to him so you told him the truth, the entire truth for once.

“A rollercoaster of emotions. But it ended great.” shooting an honest smile his way, one, that he copied.

“I know it’d be easier if we weren’t popular & all that.” he sighed.

“Not all of it is bad, though. I mean, you get so much love on a daily basis.”

“True, but it can be frustrating, especially when family gets involved. Still happens with Danneel sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when people get jealous & all that.”

“I’m sorry.” a tight lipped smile was on your face.

“Nothing to be sorry for. This life has its perks, but it also has a lot of disadvantages. When you’ve been in this business for so long, you start blocking out the negative comments...Hey, that was the last piece, we did it.” raising his hand for you to give him a high-five.

Falling backwards on your bed, Jensen mimicked your actions, you let out a long, satisfied sigh. Today had been exhausting, both mentally & physically.

“Now that we know that you enjoy shopping…what else do you do for fun?”

“Um, I guess a lot of creative stuff. I like writing. Taking pictures. Drawing. Oh, this will sound ironic, but I actually like acting a lot.” that peaked his interest. He propped up his arm & laid his head on it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean...Whenever I imagine playing a role, it helps me control my emotions.”

“Do you have any experience?” he curiously asked. Maybe you had acted somewhere before?

“God, no. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it.” laughing shortly, then you continued. “It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities coming my way growing up.” shrugging, you enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed. Shortly after, Jensen walked out of your room, telling you to get some sleep.

A plan was starting to form in his head. He had connections & if acting really was something that you enjoyed, why not trying? The producers had the last word & then he could see if it really was something that was just a hobby to you. He had a feeling that you would surprise him, though. Dialing the next person that came to his mind, he wanted to hear his opinion.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“Hi, Jared. I’m great, thanks.”

“How’s (Y/N) doing?”

“Danneel & her went shopping today. But look, she just told me something.”

The conversation went on for a while & Jared was on board with Jensen’s plan. Still, it was meant to stay secret for the time being. They planned a dinner in a few days from now. Just him, Danneel & you, joined by Jared & Gen. It would also be your first time meeting them. This decision was made shorty after you arrived at the Ackles’ house. Simply because you were freaking overwhelmed with the entire situation & had to get used to them at first. Now, it felt like a good time to introduce you to the Padalecki’s. At the dinner, they would tell you about their little plan. Before that could happen, though, Jensen had to make a few more phone calls to set everything up. Hopefully, you would not kill him after finding out. No, he could tell that you were being serious about this. You might not admit it but he noticed that your passion for acting was way bigger than you let on.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (04/10/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[morizoras-cave]

Praise Unheard Of

Jake Gyllenhaal x Teen!Co-star!Reader

Genre: fluff

Description: You and Jake have grown close while filming together for a new movie. You have a very jokey friendship, and you keep it lighthearted most of the time. Although, in a certain interview Jake mentions how much he admires you, and as someone who hasn’t heard that from anyone before, you can’t help but cry about it. 

Warnings: Parents who don’t express love for their child very well, feelings of not being good enough

(A/N): SMOOTHIE. BOWLS. get on it people.. also sorry if this is shit i just wrote this in like ten minutes at one am and i am NOT going to edit this shit, now excuse me while i watch LPS: the series

Halfway into the press tour for your new movie, you found yourself in England. You and Jake had already done countless interviews together, and you could hardly believe that you weren’t even close to being done. 

You were sitting in your hotel room, and it was almost dinner time. To celebrate the ‘halfway point to freedom’ (as Jake called it), you were going to dinner around six. You were just waiting at this point, lying on your bed with your phone in hand. 

You were on your undercover stan account, scrolling through Twitter. You saw many clips from your previous interviews, the little moments making you smile. 

@/gyllenhaaloffame:

THEIR FRIENDSHIP IS SO CUTE I MIGHT COLLAPSE

You had grown quite close with Jake while filming. You didn’t expect to, but Jake was just such a kind soul. You two joked around a lot, and had a very brother-sister-like relationship. You sincerely appreciated his help and guidance, both in acting and in fame. 

You scrolled further down your feed, giggling as you knew these dorks would never know that you saw all their cringy, although cute tweets. 

@/marvelgarbagedisposal:

OMG LISten to what jake said about y/n in his solo interview!! whos cuttin onions??

Your brows furrowed. You didn’t know anything about any solo interviews. There was a video attached, and you clicked it curiously. 

“What was it like working with Y/n?” the interviewer asked. You felt your heartbeat speed up. It was stupid, but you wondered, for a moment, whether he actually liked you. Jake seemed to think about it. 

“Y/n is incredible. And I mean that! Both in acting, she is simply amazing, especially for her age. And also I just think she’s a really great human being. You know, I tell her all the time, that she’s very intelligent and understanding, but she’s not a very serious person. She mostly laughs off all of my compliments.” 

“Really?” 

“I couldn’t have asked for a better partner in crime for this movie. She really is such a talented, kindhearted young actor.”

You immediately turned off your phone, and clutched it to your chest. You felt tears prick your eyes, and your entire being swelled with pride. You scoffed, tears falling down the sides of your face. 

No one ever told you that. Back home, all anyone ever did was doubt you. In your dreams, your intelligence, your character. No one had ever said anything like that to you. Ever. 

You were just shaking on the bed, tears flowing out of your eyes, and you certainly forgot the time, because in the middle of your sniffles, a knock came from the door. 

You froze. 

“Y/n, it’s Jake!” 

You stood up, wiping your tears furiously, wondering desperately what to do. “Uh, coming!” 

You walked over to the door, held the handle, let go of it, took it again, let go, and then finally took it again and turned it, opening the door for Jake. 

“Hey, N/n- Woah!” he stepped back, seeing your red eyes. Your lips made a thin line, stepping outside to ignore any and all problems. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Jake gently placed a hand on your shoulder, lowering himself to your eye level. His eyes were full of concern. You smiled, now knowing that there was so much more meaning to his concern, and that he actually really cared about you. 

“I’m good,” you said. He looked puzzled, and you honestly couldn’t blame him.

“But you’ve cried.”

“Yeah,” you attempted to continue walking, but Jake grabbed your elbow, apparently wanting to know what was wrong. You blushed at the thought of telling him. It was stupid. “It’s nothing to worry about.” 

“It is, if it made you cry!” Jake protested, and looking in his eyes, you realized he wasn’t going to let this go. You sighed, and looked around. You never knew when Paparazzi were around.

“Let’s go inside then.” You mumbled, opening the hotel room door. He followed inside sheepishly. You walked over to your bed again, and sat down on the edge. He sat down next to you. You took a deep breath.

“It’s just.. I was on Twitter and I saw a video of you saying, that you.. I don’t know, that you thought I was talented and kindhearted, or whatever.. It’s just.. No one really says that to me.. So, it meant a lot. That’s why I cried,” You confessed. A weight was lifted from your chest and you breathed a sigh of relief. You avoided Jake’s eyes. He looked as if he was considering your words. 

“No one says you’re talented or nice?” he asked slowly. You shook your head. 

“What a bunch of losers..” he mumbled. You giggled quietly. “I mean, they should be telling you that every damn day! Because you are, you know? You’re a little nugget of gold in society. That’s what you are. A nugget.” 

You broke into a full-on laughter, and Jake’s eyes followed you, happy to have consoled you. He seriously couldn’t understand how such a talented young girl could exist, and how no one could acknowledge that every moment they had the chance. That’s why from then on, Jake made sure to compliment you, and let you know when you’d done good just to boost your self confidence, and because you simply deserved to know. You tried to let him know, but then it got all mushy, and you stopped because it was too gross. 

[akvtsuki-ari]

Saccharine

Warnings: smut! fingering, crying, penetration/creampie, unprotected sex

Length: 4k 

Authors note: i truly do not have words or explanation for this fic lol its loosely based off of real life events and this tweet. also the 90′s RnB song is So Into You by Tamia. either way hope yall enjoy! 

Summary: Luke think you’re the cutest person in the world and it makes him wanna fuck the shit out of you. 

Luke Alvez is an asshole. 

Don’t let his charming smile and puppy-dog existence fool you. He’s an asshole, a complete dick and his entire persona demands to be fought.

Why? 

It’s a bit of a hefty explanation but for the last maybe week or so, Luke Alvez has managed to figure out the fact that you’re actually kinda easy to embarrass. He wouldn’t really peg you for the type since you work together and in the field - well, you’re someone who always stands your ground. No matter the unsub, the stakes, the risks - you stood tall against everything and it was hard to shake your existence. 

It was actually rather admirable to Luke. It was what attracted him to you in the first place, because despite all that you were always watching over everyone, always showing him genuine thought and care when a case was hard on him and giving him solid advice. Luke liked you for a lot of reasons, but your unwavering sense of reliability was a huge, towering factor and he can’t say that part of you had changed that much. You were so dependable and steady - when the two of you started dating, and he saw such a different side of you - he could feel his heart collapse. 

It was so goddamn cute. It borderline frustrated him how cute you were being and you had no idea. Luke’s a gentleman by nature, he figures. It was how he was raised, always wanting to respect women and be chivalrous, but it was clear early on that that wasn’t something you were all that used to. When he asked you about it, you clarified. 

 “I mean, I’ve been in relationships before and it’s nice when guys do it for me, but you’re different,’ you explain carefully, blushing painted on your cheeks. 

“Different?,” his voice laced with genuine, bright-eyed curiousity. 

“It makes me feel really happy when you do it, if that makes sense. Like I’m special, and you’re not doing it just because that's just what guys are supposed to do. I like that you’re just nice,” you sat slowly. Luke couldn’t help the grin on his face and you flush, covering your face with your hands. 

“That sounds stupid, I’m sorry,” you say, groaning at your own existence. Luke watches the way your hair falls over your hands and can’t help the way his heart soars through his chest. He wraps his arms around your waist and hugs you tight, picking you up and spinning you around. You let out a fit of giggles and Luke struggles not to do anything more. 

He couldn’t get over how fucking adorable it was. You’d been dating for nearly a year and it never changed about you - your genuine suprise at his romance and affection for you made his heart absolutely scream. If someone mentioned you, he’d smile till his face hurt and every time you did anything unintentionally adorable it left Lukes mind racing. It was different things that got him every time. When you first started dating and you cooked him a bunch of healthy meals to make sure he ate well while you were visiting home. You falling asleep with Roxy in his bed, or leaving a bunch of sweet-smelling shower products over at his house. Nothing was ever a big deal to you, you just did what you did because you were you and Luke was so wholly in love with it. 

One time, in particular, stands out to him. It was 2am and Luke was coming home from some paperwork - you ended up leaving early cause you’re a lot better on that stuff than he is. When he comes he finds his dim lights turned on, you dancing to 90’s RnB in the kitchen while making breakfast. You were wearing his tshirts, Roxy playfully running around your feet as you did. You were completely in the moment, too concerned with the music to notice him so close by. 

“I really like what you’ve done to me, I can’t really explain it, I am so into you ~ ,” your voice is soft and sweet as you sing the melody, flipping pancakes and being in your element. Luke was in love, so damn deep in it. He came up behind you to give you a tight hug and you yelp a little before you relax. 

But that was then, and this was now. Closing in on a year, and Luke just couldn’t really help himself but to tease you and elicit that adorable reaction at absolutely any chance he had. Every time he saw you, he just needed to get that teeny adorable reaction out of you. 

But - it was masochistic because Luke knew that he wanted something more, wanted to frustrate you more out of something a lot less wholesome than careful affection. He knew that the teasing had much greater stakes in his favor that would result in a shower and 15 minutes with his hands wrapped around his dick trying to get the image of you falling apart for him out of his mind. 

It wasn’t like the two of you hadn’t had sex before - you did and it was fantastic. You were attentive, and good in bed. He didn’t have any problems with your sex life for the most part but - 

It’s genuinely hard to explain. He just wants to touch you and be the only person to make you feel how he can make you feel. Maybe it was kinda selfish but it was growing on him day to day and teasing you relentlessly was his only outlet. 

You were easily embarrassed just as you were easily frustrated. Luke's teasing was only growing and while you know it was never meant to be mean, it was starting to make you frustrated. You weren’t genuinely angry or anything, but it was goddamn frustrating to be easily embarrassed especially randomly during the work-day and you were going to put your foot down damn it. 

It was the end of a case, and everyone was packing up to get back onto the jet. Luke saw you struggling to reach something on a top shelf close - it looked like your coffee mug. You assume Spencer had put it up while cleaning and now you were here, feeling your shirt ride up as you stretched yourself up trying to get that damned mug. 

Luke saw you and laughed, and with great purpose takes his hand around your waist and pulls you down. You huff, then blush and look away as you feel his chest pressed against your back - picking the mug up with ease. 

“Damn it, Luke,” you sigh frustrated. He looks at you as you turn to him and smiles charmingly, 

“What's with you lately? Huh? You’re so mean to me,” you pout, not angry but frustrated. Luke sense your genuine upset and pouts back. 

“Aww what?,” he respond

“What’re you being so mean for huh? It seems like you have something you’re hiding,” you joke. But Luke's expression changes and you falter - watching the way he swallows and looks at you, eyes dark. 

“Hey,” you say, pressing your hand against his cheek. His eyes flutter to you, mind suddenly swimming with something as dangerous as thought and fantasies and he doesn’t seem to be able to breathe. 

“Sorry, we can talk at home,” the words escape him faster than he can stop them and you smile, getting on your tip-toes to give him a kiss and patting his chest adoringly. Luke smiles and watches you head out, following in suit. 

_

The plane ride and drive home were normal. Idle chatter and soft touches as usual. Luke ended up falling asleep in your arms on the plane and the team took a rather cute picture of you running your fingers through his hair. 

But now the two of you were alone, in your shared apartment. You were half undressed wearing a dress shirt and no pants, and Luke was changed into a t-shirt and sweats. You pour yourself some white wine and pour Luke some scotch before handing him a glass. You sit next to him on the couch, knees pulled up underneath you as you sit, wine glass in hand. 

“What’d you wanna talk about?,” you ask, taking a sip. Luke does the same and sighs, swishing the alcohol in his glass. 

“Ah, it’s nothing important babe,” he says mildly. You look at him suspiciously, earning him a laugh. You stretch your legs to be on his lap and he puts a hand on your outer thigh, rubbing circles into it. You felt yourself flush and Luke smiles, laughing quietly.

“From the way you looked earlier, it was definitely something. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you - just wanna make sure everything is okay, you know?,” your tone is warm and gentle. Luke can’t help but sigh, ready to succumb to your affection much quicker than he wanted to admit, you smile at him genuinely and it makes his heart twitch. 

“It’s honestly just too embarrassing,” he laughs. You frown at him and readjust. He’s joking but there's some honesty in there too. You sigh. 

“Try me,” 

You’re looking at him intently and it makes Luke nervous. He coughs a little bit, suddenly noticing how cute you look like this and he shakes his head. 

“You wanted to know why I was teasing you so much, right?,” he asks. You nod. 

“Well, honestly - I can’t really help myself. It’s the little things you do, you make me feel like a teenager in high school,” his laugh is bright, yet fond. You scrunch your face up and blush and Luke looks to you. 

“See what I mean? You’re adorable, really,” he makes a point out of your reaction but you just shake your head in embarrassment. He smiles, leaning over to press a kiss on your forehead. 

“You’re annoying with how cute you are, man. It gets a little in my head you know?” he tries to say the thing, without saying the thing. It makes you realize what this could be about but you try and dismiss the thought quickly. 

Curiosity killed the cat though, and you were the cat it seems. 

“You couldn’t mean... that, could you?,” you say slowly. You look at Luke and he gives you a sheepish smile. You hit his shoulder, only to hide your face in it seconds afterward. He can’t say he doesn’t get it, he can see how you might be embarrassed about your adorable antics turning him on.

“That’s embarrassing,” you whine out. Luke laughs heartily, and rubs your back as you cling onto him, shy as ever. He ignores the way his dick twitches when you do. 

“But wait,” you pull back from his side, and look up at him curiously. He was seriously going to die. 

“I mean it’s embarrassing but if you just want to have sex than that’s nothing to be embarrassed about, so it’s something else isn’t it. What is it?,” you repeat the question to him softly as you pull closer to him. You look at him, exploring his features, noticing his lips, and the scruff of his beard, and his eyebrows. You’re not really looking for anything in particular, rather you’re just looking at him because you like to. You stare at his lips for a while because you think they’re pretty, and Luke can’t really hold back when you do.  

He leans when he kisses you, his grip around your thighs just a little bit tighter. The kiss is slow, mouth subtly giving Luke more room. You can feel the way his tongue nips at yours, pulling back from soft pecks that slowly turn to something more than just a kiss. You whine when he kisses you like that, the way he pulls off soft and slow just to look at you. You feel inebriated when he pulls back, unsure of a time he’s kissed you in such a way. Your face must’ve been one of shock, because when you pull back, Luke chuckles. He can’t help himself. 

“Sorry,” he apologizes but he doesn’t mean it. You take the scotch out of his hand and set it next to your wine glass before you throw your legs on the other side of his and straddle him. You look to him, face hot and thighs just itching to tighten against one another but you hold out. 

He takes you in when you sit on his lap like that. His hand aimlessly grazing your waist as you put your hands on top of his, as if to let him know you were attuned to his action. You always did so, even if it was momentarily. Your face was red at the way he touched, looked at you, - adored you really. His eyes were fixated on the spot between your legs, hands dangerously close to your backside. You cover your eyes with your sleeve when he does, and he smiles. He kisses your collarbones, teeth grazing the spot of skin slightly as ever and you whimper. A groan escapes Luke's throat and your eyes shoot open to look at him

You expect to see something that resembles that cheesy, shy smile that he normally has but you don’t. Instead, you’re greeted with eyes glazed over in lust and depravity. Unexpected is the understatement of the year and you fold under the weight of it. The way he’s so still in watching you, taking you in - it gives you a sense of how long this must’ve been taking place in his head. You look into his eyes for a second and you can see the way his teeth grit and that makes you pout. He just closes his eyes when you do. 

“You make me crazy, my love,” he laughs. His voice is dark. The tension between you two is tangible and you, unsure of what to say, smile. 

“Sorry,” you say softly. Your fiddle with your hands in your lap, and Luke is at his limit. He moves your hands behind your back, and leans into you. You’re startled but turned on as he whispers to you. 

“Let me show you what it is, yeah?,” Luke's voice has a grip on you that you can’t get rid of. You nod, chewing the inside of your lip and Luke takes a deep breath, taking you in as he lets go of your hands. 

“Take your shirt off for me, okay?,” he asks, voice hoarse. You nod, unbuttoning the top three buttons and revealing tight lace. It was comfortable and expensive and Luke couldn’t keep his eyes off you. Your shirt falls to the floor and Luke doesn’t have patience at this rate so he unclasps your bra too, pretty as it is, letting you slide it off and watching fall to the floor. 

For a second, Luke just looks at you. He notices the curve of your breasts, and how gorgeous they are - how the sheen of sweat and flushed heat makes appearances all over your body and how your thighs seem to squish you sit down on him. He can feel how wet you are through the layer of his sweats and he really can’t seem to do anything but focus. His expression is enough for you to feel the heartbeat in your clit and you whimper. 

Luke's groans and goes into action - recklessly latching his mouth to your neck as his hands explore every part of your body. You moan again, high and whiny - just trying to make sense of the feeling of Luke. He manages to be everywhere all at once, overwhelming all your senses without having to touch you too much at all. His hands explore your skin, rough and calloused serves contrast to yours, soft and supple. His hands grips at your thighs as his mouth works his way down to your nipples, mouth latching onto one as his settle on your hips. He presses you down lightly, and without much consideration you rock yourself against his erection, pressing up against you. You whine - the friction leaving your existence incessantly sensitive. 

Luke is busied by you, his tongue left to flick against your nipples as he goes between brushing them back and forth and sucking them. His hands are focused on getting you to press yourself against him, and his head is insistent on listening to every little whimper that manages to leave your mouth as he does so. You can feel all the spots on your chest covered in hickies - fingertip bruises just above your thighs. 

“Luke,” the whine leaves you unintentionally, your words too out of focus for you to repeat. You’re too focused on the way you need to be touched or fucked or anything, to say anything sensical. You don’t have to speak though, Luke already knows what you need, his hand is immediately at your panties. 

His fingers were careful, two pressed up against your clit - at first, simply brushing against them, eliciting multiple unwavered sighs and whimpers. He speeds his pace up just a little, and you grip onto his shoulder in anticipation, pressing your forehead to his as you take in the feeling of pleasure. 

“It feels so nice,” your voice is carried out and distant, jaw just slightly slack. Eyes fluttering as they looked forward to see Luke, who was carefully watching his own hands work you 

“You’re so wet, fuck,” his voice is hoarse. You nod, chewing your lip. 

“Cause of you,” your voice is worn out and Luke swears he can see god, she’s right there in front of him bringing his whole being closer to heaven. 

“Say that again, please,” he’d beg on his hands and knees to hear that again. Enticing because he knows what you mean. 

He looks up at you, foreheads still touching as you make eye contact with him - your expression painfully far away. You shut them once he hits that speed you like,

“You’re the only person who can get me this wet,” and that's all it takes. Luke's hands go just a little further down, finding your entrance. He runs his fingers across your slit and is greeted with slickness he can’t help but be pleased by. 

One finger first - it goes in ridiculously easily. You can feel it in you but it’s still not enough, you urge Luke with a tug to his shirt and he doesn’t hesitate to push his ring finger inside of you. Before he does anything else, he angles his palm to push against your clit and his fingers to be just a little bit deeper inside you. He curls his fingers tightly, pushing directly against your g-spot. 

The noise you let out is too beautiful for him to comprehend. It was loud and wanton and desperate. It was high-pitched and whiny, and soft and so fucking cute. He couldn’t describe how it got to him even if he tried and he let out a groan from deep in his chest. 

You pull away from him to look at him and he looks back at you. You can feel his fingers curl inside of you so many times over you lost count, the palm of his hand lazily pressing up against your clit. He looked into you, eyes never leaving yours as his fingers worked otherworldly magic in you. 

It felt so fucking good. Bursts and waves of pleasure hitting you at maximum speed, over and over and over, as if today was your last day on earth. Your skin was so hot it could burn someone to touch, and your stomach was tight as you held yourself over Luke, earth-shattering orgasms hitting you wave after wave like it was nothing. Your voice was coarse, screams of Luke's name ripping through you as you try to steady yourself from the unseemly tidal waves of pleasure you happened to be experiencing. Your thighs and core ached from all the tensity, hair sticking to your forehead, all your weight leaning on Lukes. He was breathing so heavy, egging you on softly with praises about how cute you looked like this. Ruined like this just for him. 

Before you can explain, tears form in the corners of your eyes as you look at Luke. He slows down but you shake your head in protest as hot tears spill down your cheeks. Your makeup, already smudged, is ruined but you smile at him. 

“Please don’t stop, I’m okay, it just,” your voice catches in your throat as Luke speeds up again - clearly inclined by your urgency, your fingers wrapped around his wrist. You look into his eyes searching for how to explain yourself but 

“It feels so fucking good, so please keep going,” your voice is exasperated. You plead with him like he wouldn’t give you exactly what you wanted and then some. He doesn’t know what to say so he just grins, kissing tears off of your face.

He knows he should break you off soon, so in one last act of vigor - he curls his fingers inside of you again and rubs his palm against your clit. His speed isn’t faster as much as it is more consistent, slowly picking the pace up as he draws you in closer one more time. He leans his mouth next to your ear, nipping at your neck and jaw before he guides you through your last orgasm. 

“You have me so in my head, baby. Look at you like this, how fucking wet you are for me - I don’t want anybody fucking else to see how cute you are like this,” his words are aggressive but they meaning they carry is loving. Right now all it does is edge you into your orgasm further and your brain is entirely fried. You just nod, mindless, breathless, speechless - simply unable to exist at all as for one last time Luke Alvez makes you cum until you see stars, like the asshole he is. 

You’re still crying when you come down from your high. Luke slips his fingers in your mouth and you clean them off for him obediently before he kisses you. Your eyes are filled to the brim with loving tears and your orgasm was so intense you don’t know what to do. You tell Luke to take off his shirt and he does, laughing. You koala wrap yourself around him and settle into him, so happily exhausted. 

“Baby,” he laughs. You lean back to look at him and furrow your brows. 

“Did you cum yet?,”  you say. Luke laughs sheepishly and shakes his head no.

“Uh, no -  I was just gonna take care of it later -,” Luke gets cut off by the feeling of your hands around his waistband, pulling his pants down. He sucks in a breath between his teeth and looks at you. 

“I know you’re tired Y/N, it’s,” he’s cut off again by you, this time you sloppily place your lips on him as you line his dick up with your entrance. You sink down on him easily and the gasp the leaves his throat makes you giggle. You grind on him for a second, before bouncing up and down on him. You knew he wouldn’t last too long at this rate, and you wanted to get him off. 

“You can cum inside, ‘m on the pill after all,” you say softly. Luke is letting out strings of swear words, as he works his hips up to meet your pace, pounding into you. Luke stretched you out nicely. Normally you two still use a condom for the purposes of safety but you really wanted to feel him inside you. 

You work your teeth along Luke's neck leaving some moderate hickies before he holds your hips up and pounds into you one last time - cumming inside you, your name escaping him like a prayer. 

“God fucking damn, Y/N,” he can't help his shock as he pulls out, and you just giggle. You wrap your arms around him carefully and hug him koala style once more. He places kisses all over your shoulders,  holding you to him and listening to your breathing. The two of you lie there in soft warmth, trying to slow down and relax from your high. 

“You pull back to Luke and look at him so fondly he could melt and he smiles at you. 

“Luke, don’t date anyone else ever,” you say straight-faced. He can’t help the loud laugh that slips and looks at you adoringly. He kisses you sweetly. 

“Never princess. You either, okay?,” he says. You nod, placing kisses all over his bearded face loving, hugging him close. 

“Mhm, okay,”

___

taglist: @cynbx​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @reid-187​ @zephyr-studiesjp​

[paradisobound]

Starstruck

Summary: Phil attends all of Dan Howell’s concerts. In fact, he makes it a rule to even record every one he goes to. You could say he was in love with Dan Howell and in fact, that wouldn’t be a lie because he’s actually Dan’s fiancé. Too bad Dan’s fans see him as the creepy guy at Dan’s concerts. 

Warnings: A brief mention of sex but not explicit. 

Word Count: 3.6k 

Genre: Famous singer!Dan and present!phil 

A/N: I thought of this fic after finding out Sophie Turner attends a lot of the Jonas Brother’s Concerts because of Joe and I thought it would be cute to write a fic with a slightly different side! Happy reading :) 

**Read on Ao3**

“Dan Howell we love you!” 

“Dan! Dan! Dan!” 

Phil groaned as looked through the screen of his phone at the video recording of his fiancé up on stage. That was one thing Dan did make Phil promise to do if Phil was going to be attending every concert on his tour: record each show. 

So, Phil, being the best fiancé he could be, made a bunch of storage onto an old iPhone he found laying around their flat and proceeded to record and attend each show on Dan’s United States Tour. Tonight, they were in some place called Buffalo and Phil couldn’t really make out what was even going on here besides the fact that Canada and Niagara Falls was literally on the other side of the city. 

It was night 13 and although Phil knew Dan would never admit it, Dan was tired. Phil could tell on the screen as his body lagged a bit more than it did in rehearsals and his singing was a bit off key. Not like any of the screaming girls and boys could tell the difference but Phil had been to enough rehearsals and shows to tell with Dan was struggling a bit with his energy. 

But, it was the last song before the encore. Phil’s phone battery was struggling to hold on and his arm was getting a bit tired holding it as steady as he could for Dan’s big ‘project’ that he wants the footage for. 

“Remember that the footage has to be usable, Phil. That means I don’t want your shaky arm trying to focus on me.” 

Phil laughed in his head as he replayed Dan’s words to him the night Phil told him he was attending each show and Dan told him about his master plans—which were also a secret…to Phil anyway. Phil hadn’t pushed the matter when Dan had made it clear he didn’t want to tell anyone his plan so Phil had just went along with it. Although he does in a way wish he could know why he’s getting an arm ache every night. 

The music to Dan’s final song cuts out and everyone starts cheering. Dan’s smiling, Phil’s smiling back, knowing Dan can’t see him but he can feel it, and everything has gone perfectly once again for another night. 

Dan walks off the stage and the band continues to play and Phil sees a few people begin to trickle out from the corner of his eye but he just shrugs it off as people wanting to leave early or wanting to beat the crowd. He tries not to feel a little bit hurt when he sees some people leave the show early even though an irrational part of his brain wants people to stay and see what his fiancé is doing on the stage. 

Its radio silent in the stadium. Phil is still shocked that Dan managed to sell out a nearly 40,000 person stadium but he has. Just as people look defeated and ready to leave, Dan comes back out in an entirely new outfit and the whistles and cheers begin again. 

Dan’s final two songs are Phil’s favorite. But that’s honestly because they’re about him. If people didn’t know the meaning of Dan’s songs, they would think they were about a childhood love or even a teenage love that blossomed into more. They wouldn’t know that they, quite literally, told the world about his and Phil’s long-term relationship. 

As Dan belted out the lyrics about blue eyes and raven hair, Phil felt the hair on his arm prickle up a bit and goosebumps form. He always gets chills. He remembers when Dan first wrote the pieces and read the lyrics to Phil. Phil had cried so hard and just held Dan close as Dan just giggled and kissed his cheek. 

“Why are you crying?” 

“Because they’re beautiful, Dan.” 

“Yeah, well, you’re just as beautiful too.” 

It was cheesy. Of course it was. But in the words of another Dan lyric, “it was meant to be cheesy”. 

Just as Phil’s phone gives the final battery warning, Dan’s set finally ends and a shower of sparks sprays up as confetti falls all over the floor. Phil reached out and caught a few pieces himself and pocketed them in his jean jacket. He was saving those for his own special surprise. 

Dan left the stage and the lights slowly turned on and Phil waited for the mass crowd of girls around him to dissipate before he snuck around to the stage entrance and visited Dan in the dressing room. 

Dan’s security guards knew him by face so he didn’t have to say anything when he walked behind the stage and ended up by a door that he opened to a long hallway. When he got the dressing room and saw Dan’s name on the door, he knocked once and pressed it open. 

“Hey!” 

Phil shut the door behind him as he walked in to Dan sprawled out on the couch, his arms flopped down by his side. “You did amazing tonight.”

Dan turned his head and smiled at him, his face red and a bit sweaty, his make up a bit melted. “You’d say that even if I fucked up every song.” 

Phil walked over and sat down on the other end of the couch. Dan immediately sat up and scooted towards Phil before flopping into his chest and relaxing. Phil wrapped his arm around Dan’s upper body and pulled him close, bending down and kissing the top of his head. 

Just as Dan’s body relaxed a bit further and Phil felt the rest of his muscles tense, the door opened and Dan’s manager walked in, her phone in head. “We’re going to have to leave within the hour to get on the road towards Pittsburgh.” 

Dan just nodded and smiled at her as he pulled away from Phil and stretched. He was still fully in his costume—well, it was an outfit but it was pretty costume-like too in Phil’s opinion but the sparkles and glitter sequins on the black leather covering Dan’s arms. 

“You should get dressed,” Phil says turning to Dan. “Tonight is going to be a tour bus night and I don’t feel like having you complain the entire time that your jeans are too constricting.”

Dan scoffed and reached out, slapping his arm. “That was once and you had no problem helping me get the jeans off so I don’t want to hear you complain, you twat.” 

Phil just giggled and leaned over, capturing Dan’s lips in a quick kiss. He still gets butterflies in his chest when he kisses Dan and he loves that. He loves that Dan still has the same affect on him as he did when they were teenagers, meeting for the first time in a bar in Manchester. Dan was singing for a cover band and Phil was just a lonely college student looking to have a few drinks. 

It was really like fate that they actually took each other to bed that same night but then both simultaneously decided that being together only once wasn’t going to cut it and nearly ten years and one proposal later, here they were. Phil supporting Dan on tour as Phil works from his laptop for the BBC. 

“Maybe if you’re good we can celebrate in the hotel room tomorrow night,” Dan whispers before pressing another kiss to Phil’s lips. Phil just smiles into it and kisses back one more time for good measure. 

“Hm…maybe.” 

Dan shoves Phil back with a laugh as he finally stands up and makes his way over to his suitcase in the corner that was filled with all of his stuff. Phil watched as he took off his outfit and hung it on a hanger for the crew to grab later and then put on a pair of sweatpants and Phil’s baggy York University sweatshirt. 

Phil gave that to Dan when they first started dating so when Dan went back home at night, he would still have Phil with him. Now, Phil would love to have that hoodie back but Dan quite literally growls when Phil even makes that suggestion so he lets Dan have it now. 

They grab the rest of Dan’s stuff and then make their way out the back to their tour bus and get inside with minimal people around…thankfully. They take a seat on one of the couches on the side and Dan curls up onto Phil just as Phil wraps his arms around him once more. 

They’ll go to the bedroom soon where they’ll sleep but for right now, they were just going to sit and relax for the ride. 

***

Something surprising happens when Phil wakes up the next morning, a bit disoriented as he realizes he’s on the moving bus. He checks his phone and goes on Twitter and sees that ‘Daniel Howell Live’ is still trending on Twitter. He curiously checks the hashtag because hey, if he can find some good video and good photos for PR, he’ll have Dan’s manager ask the people for permission to use them. So he scrolls a bit and he scrolls a bit more and suddenly there is a photo of him, stood at his seat, recording the show. 

Has anyone else noticed this guy is at every show??? What does a middle aged man go to all of Dan’s shows?? That’s creepy. 

After that tweet, there was a thread and apparently there was a photo of him taken at every show and he legit didn’t know about it. He, in fact, had zero idea anyone was taking his photo and he genuinely was a bit freaked out by it. 

He read a few more tweets. 

He’s been at every show I’ve gone to! I’ve noticed him! Maybe he’s a stalker of Dan…how gross. Dan’s not gay. 

Phil had to scoff at that, loud enough that Dan turned over in his sleep and settled his weight into Phil’s chest, knocking his phone slightly out of the way so his head could rest there. “What are you laughing at?” Dan asked, his sleepy voice so slurred Phil could hardly understand what he was talking about. 

“Just some tweet I read saying you weren’t gay.” 

Dan snorted and reached up, making grabby hands for Phil’s phone so Phil handed it over and Dan sat up a bit and looked at the tweets. “These are actually kind of laughable.” 

“I know.” 

“They think you’re my stalker.” Dan laughed. “Who even pays attention to whether or not someone is at a show every night?” 

Phil shrugged because he genuinely didn’t know either. 

Phil knew that fans speculated about Dan’s sexuality though. Really, it’s been a source of talk ever since Dan’s first big break a few years back when he opened up for Taylor Swift on her European Tour. But Phil also knows that Dan has made it completely clear that he wants to keep his sexuality and his relationship with Phil only for private. And Phil completely gets that. 

They’ve been out since they started dating to close friends and family. Phil’s been out to everyone he’s known since university. But Dan has always had a bit more trouble accepting his sexuality and for that, Phil understands Dan’s hesitation when he says he’s not ready to share that side of his life yet. 

But Phil loves Dan more than anything else. He loves his smile, his dimples, his laugh, and the way he insults him when they’re being silly. But he also loves the side of Dan no one sees. The side where sex and love and intimacy is involved. He even let a selfish part of himself think about that while they were in bed together the other night. A part of him that when he fucked into Dan, he thought about how no one else knew this side of Dan: this was the side that only Phil got to see. 

“Hm…” Dan says, breaking Phil’s thoughts. “It’s quite amusing to me that so many fans are so adamant to say I’m straight. Like, I think it’s actually quite obvious that I’m gay in the same way that I know it’s obvious I like dick but…” 

Phil squeaked and pushed a hand over Dan’s mouth to get him to stop that thought right there and Dan just opened his lips and licked a fat stripe over Phil’s palm that had Phil cringing and pulling his hand away. 

“You’re easy to break, ya know.” Dan says, laying his head on Phil’s chest so he can look up him. His big brown doe eyes were like pools that Phil could get lost in. 

“It’s because I love you too much.” 

Dan kisses Phil’s chest. “Mm…love you too.” 

They get off from the bus not long after to check into their hotel and put their suitcases in their room. Afterwards, it was straight to the venue to prepare and do the soundcheck and Phil was going to walk around and explore Pittsburgh a bit more, seeing as he’s never been before. 

That night, he ends up in the same floor pit that he was in the night before, like he always is, with his phone fully charged and ready to go. He sends Dan a quick ‘good luck, i love you so much’ message before he puts his phone away and takes out the one to record. 

The show goes smoothly and everyone is happy and the night ends the same way with Phil retreating back and visiting Dan just as Dan is getting out of his costume. He leaves with Dan to go to the hotel and when they get back into the room, he goes on Twitter again and happens to see the same thread but with new photos of him. 

The man was at Pittsburgh too!! Does @danielhowell know he has a stalker?? Should we contact the police? 

Phil rolled his eyes and showed Dan the tweets to which Dan replied with an eye roll and a “for fucks sake!” before he flopped onto the bed and rolled towards Phil to snuggle. 

“Gonna have to get security after me apparently,” Phil playfully jokes. 

Dan swings his leg over Phil’s hip and sits flush on his hips as he leans down and kisses Phil soundly on the mouth. “Maybe so.” He whispers with a smirk, placing his hand on Phil’s jaw. “Maybe I’ll have to tell security that a hot guy has been chasing after me since my uni days and he follows me to all of my concerts and he also happens to be my fiancé who is fucking great in bed and…yeah, I’d really like to continue the great in bed part right about now.” 

So after a quick round of sex that left them both breathless, Phil fell asleep with the thoughts in his mind about what they were supposed to do. Dan had a two day break before his show in Albany so he hopes by then maybe everyone will forget about him. 

But somehow, he fears they won’t. 

***

Dan flubs up on accident in Albany. 

Phil doesn’t realize what he’s done until the young girl sitting next to him on the floor is pointing out the silver band on Dan’s ring finger. 

It’s his engagement ring and as soon as Phil sees it, his heart stops a bit in his chest because he knows Dan is gonna have to answer for this. He’s going to have to answer for why he suddenly is wearing a ring on that finger when he never did before…well, in the public eye anyway. 

Phil proposed to Dan over three years prior but they both agreed on not planning any of their wedding until Dan’s done with his United States tour. Phil was completely fine with that but Dan wore his ring all of the time when it was just them or he was going out with friends. 

He normally keeps it safe on the bus or in the safe in the hotel room but he must have forgotten to take it off. 

And fuck other people are pointing now and he hopes to God Dan cannot notice what is happening. 

At the end of the show, Phil practically runs to Dan’s dressing room where Dan is crying softly on the couch, his face scrunched up as he struggles to hold in the tears of guilt and frustration that he can read so clearly on Dan’s face. He runs over to him and gathers him tight as Dan lets them go and apologizes to Phil for wearing it. 

“I forgot I had it on.” Dan said through strangled tears. 

“It’s okay.” 

“But it’s not!” Dan cried. “Oh my God I’ve fucked up so bad.” 

And while that turned out to not be entirely true, Phil did reassure him as much as possible that everything was going to be okay. 

***

The tabloids talk about it first. 

Dan Howell Spotted With Mystery Ring on Left Hand in Albany Show. 

That seemed to be the headline written everywhere like a slap across the face. 

All of the fangirls were crying. What women is he secretly married to? What is that ring? When did this all happen? How could this all happen? 

Phil felt like he had whiplash reading all of the comments. 

“We’re going to have to address this,” Phil says softly. 

“I know.” 

They’re sat in a hotel in Boston now, waiting for the show to begin in a few hours. They had snuck away for a private talk and everyone had let them go. They needed to discuss this, no matter how hard it could be. 

“I know you don’t want to out us…” 

“No,” Dan says, biting his lip. “I…I think I have to.” 

“You don’t have to,” Phil says. “You could always say you want to be private and…” 

“How long is that privacy really going to last, Phil?” Dan asked, his voice defeated. “Is it going to last for a year or only for an hour? People are already commenting about you and you’ve done nothing…maybe we should just come out.” 

“If that’s what you want.” 

Dan bites his lip and bit harder and then looks Phil in the eyes as he nods. “It’s what I want.” 

“Okay,” Phil says, leaning in for a kiss. “It’s what I want too.” 

Phil wanted whatever was best for Dan and if this was best, then he wanted to go along with it. 

They made their way back to the stadium and Phil opted for standing off the side of the stage instead of in the audience, just in case. He’d seen some of Dan’s earlier shows this way but never once has he seen him play such a sold out show from the sidelines. 

They concert begins as normal and Phil notices that Dan is wearing his ring again, not taking it off and he feels his heart flutter a bit. Dan does his normal songs and routines and then before they know it, the encore is starting. 

But right before it does, Dan asks if the audience can get quiet for a moment. 

“As many of you all know,” he begins into his microphone. “The next few songs I have written are about someone very special in my life. I’ve been hiding them from you for a very long time now and I really just…don’t want to anymore. They’re such a massive part of who I am today and who I will be in the future and I don’t want to continue hiding them anymore. And it’s not fair to you guys either. 

Suddenly Dan turns to where Phil is standing and Phil feels his heart give out a bit. Dan motions for Phil to walk out and Phil looks down at his black Vibes shirt and ripped jeans and feels like he’s not properly addressed for this but he starts walking out anyway and there are suddenly cheers and yells and Phil doesn’t know what’s happening. 

“Everyone, meet my fiancé Phil.” Dan says, taking Phil’s hand and standing close to him. “You all have been talking about him quite a bit online so here is my apparent stalker who is actually just my fiancé and partner for the last 1o years.” 

Dan leans over and kisses Phil on the cheek and Phil feels a bit flush at all of this. Like he doesn’t know what’s happening anymore but he also doesn’t entirely mind it. 

“Okay, now get off the stage you dork. You’re stealing my show.” 

Dan turns to Phil and wraps a hug around him and Phil hugs him back, holding him close as he kisses Dan’s neck once and lets him go, lingering their hands touching for a bit too long as he disembarks down the stage with Dan’s security guard and stands in the audience once again, looking up at Dan with all of the love in the world. 

Social media went crazy that night, but really Phil didn’t mind. He went to the rest of the shows as promised and recorded all of them too. At the end of the tour, he finally asked Dan what the footage was for and Dan finally told him. 

“It’s for our wedding.” He says, not adding anything more. 

Phil just holds him tight and kisses his cheek some more. 

Life is going to be a bit hectic for a while, but at least he won’t be seen as the stalker fan anymore, and now he’ll be treated as Dan’s fiancé: a title he is more than proud to have. 

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode Eight: Electrolocaust Now

View on Google Docs

Summary: August 15, 2015 - Sammy & Ben have planned a tribute to King Falls AM's resident jazz legend Chet Sebastian, however an impromptu, and selective power failure, takes out most of the station's broadcast tools, leaving the boys to fend for themselves.

[podcast intro music]

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy Good evening, King Falls. You’re listening to 660 on the radio dial and I’ve gotta tell you, we’ve got a heck of a show this evening. We’re paying tribute to King Falls’ musical legend and Ben’s old boss, jazz maestro Chet Sebastian. We’ll be discussing [static/buzz] 40 years of— [sound of things powering down]

Ben [confused] What the hell?

Sammy Uh— W-what did I touch?

Ben I don’t think it was you. [sound of Ben getting up]

Sammy Sorry, ladies and gents. It seems we’re having a slight technical difficulty here. Uh- ye- hey, my computer’s down, Ben.

Ben Yeah mine too. Sammy, I don’t know if they can even hear us. We might be… out out.

Sammy *sigh* Well, okay then. Uh. We’re live and we’re winging it, folks!

Ben [smugly] Au contraire, my friend! You should know: I’ve got a backup plan. And a backup for the backup plan.

Sammy [incredulous] Uh-huh.

Ben Lemme just pull out- the- [rustling] trusty— smartphone, aaand— [dull clatter]

Sammy And?

Ben It’s off.

Sammy Well.*laugh/huff* Good thing you’ve got a backup for this.

Ben It’s… an expression. We’re, *anxious sigh* we’re flying blind, Sammy. Check your phone.

Sammy It’s, uh, it, it is off, uh, let me guess, the ghost—sorry, apparition—

Ben Thank you.

Sammy Of Marconi[1] just visited the station and just decided to start yanking wires.

Ben Maybe Merv forgot to pay the electric bill.

Sammy The lights, the mics, it’s not electricity, this is selective. [disgruntled] Uh, you know, but thanks for being so cheap and old, Merv, it may have spared 660 from the wrath of Skynet.

Ben Yeah, the board’s lit up and so are the phones. I, I don’t get it.

Sammy King Falls, have you gotten whacked by this random and seemingly mischievous power outage?? Uh, you, you’ve heard our story, let’s hear uh- wait, can they hear us?

Ben Good call. [sound of Ben getting up]

Sammy I, I don’t understand why some of this stuff is working and some of it is out! [slightly desperate] What are we doing, Ben? Y-y— [radio interference in bg] Now’s not the time to go rogue!

Ben [in bg] Radios are working, Sammy. [closer] We’re live.

Sammy *sigh* Well, you’re hearing our story right now, King Falls, let’s hear yours. If you’ve got a phone that’s- working, give us a call or tweet us @KingFallsAM—

Ben Can’t check the Twitter.

Sammy Damn it! *sigh* Let’s take a call, Ben.

Ben But- the- schedule!

Sammy Dude, what schedule?! The one locked in the computer that zoinked out, or the one that’s locked in our iPhone that won’t power up?

Ben [muttered]Damn your logic. Line one!

Sammy You’re live on the air with Sammy and Ben. Hope you’re well on this weird-ass evening.

Line 1 [slightly suggestively]Hey, Shotgun!

Sammy *exasperated sigh* Hey, man. What’s your name again?

Line 1 Not important! *chuckles* I-I jusht wanted to check in with my favorite AM radio hosht and tell you you’re coming in loud and clear on my end. Loud and clear! Ha ha! Haaa. [realizing] Am I on the air?

Ben You’re live, sir.

Sammy So how are things in your neck of the woods? Any technology issues? Things not powering up and on for you?

Line 1 Not a problem in the world, Shotgun, ha ha.

Ben Is he gonna keep calling you—

Line 1 Shotguuunn Shammyyyyy

Sammy *sigh* Was there anything in particular you needed?

CALLER That’sh it! Love the show. SHOTGUN SAMMYYY!!!!

[click, dial tone]

Ben [curiously] What did you do in your past life, Sammy?

Sammy [muttered] You don’t even want to know.

Ben *snickers* Line seven, good evening, you’re on King Falls AM.

Line 7 [guy sounds stoned] Hey Ben, hey Sammy, you dudes doing okay up there?

Sammy All things considered, we’re doing well! Uh, and who are we speaking with?

Doyle Ohh-h-h, this is Doyle. Doyle Bevins, out in Hollybrook Estates.

Ben Hey, Doyle. You having any issues with your computers? smartphone? what-have-you?

Doyle Oh, yeah! ‘Bout- ‘bout five minutes ago, all my toys just shut off. TV, ‘puter, phone. Sounded like a transformer just shut doowwwn.

Sammy Oh! So you had a transformer blow up by you! A- y- c— you know, could that have caused that way up here, Ben?

Ben I—

Doyle Oh, no, nothing like that! Like- like it was Bumblebee[2] powering down like a [gutteral] guchuchuhh aguchuchuhhh.

Sammy …Oh…

Ben Right. Regardless, Hollybrook is a good five miles outside of town. I don’t know if that would’a hit us.

Sammy Doyle, thanks for calling in and letting us know what’s going on with ya.

Doyle Oh, sure thing, bro, but. *chuckles* That’s not why I caallled.

Ben Oh! Uhhh, o-okay.

Sammy What’s on your mind tonight, Doyle?

Doyle Well, before all this new age funky-junk started, I was having some really crazy stuff going on here in the apartment.

Sammy Crazy stuff? Uh, wh-w-what kind of stuff?

Doyle Supernatural stuff.

Ben I’ve got nothing, I’ve never heard of anything going on in Hollybrook.

Doyle Ohohoh, it is in-sane, Ben. It’s like I’m living in some sorta Cybertronian spacecraft.

Sammy Cybertrone— I- I’m not familiar wi— Ben?

Ben It’s a Transformers reference. It’s not real.

Doyle Hey. It’s real, Ben.

Sammy Can you give us an example?

Ben Without referencing a Mike Bay movie.

Doyle Sure thing, bro. So, I’ve got this toaster, right?

Ben Mm-hmm?

Doyle Sometimes— late at night— BOOM! It’ll pop up the scariest damn thing you ever laid eyyes onn.

Sammy So it makes the noise like when the bread is done.

Doyle Ghost Toast, boyyys. It pops— but ain’t nothin’ there.

Ben Doyle… We’re gonna take another call.

Doyle Ohohoho! not good enough for you, Ben, not Spooky-Kooky enough, huh? I’ll do you one betterr.

Ben [dryly] You’d have to.

Doyle Sometimes— late at night— my fridge starts making this Scary hummin’ noise, like HUMMMUMUMUM—

Sammy Doyle.

Doyle —MUM HUMUMUMUM-HUHHH—

Sammy Doyle.

Doyle —MUMM HUUMMUMUHUH-UH-UH-KUH— *coughing* *clearing throat* You get it.

Sammy Doyle. Are you only experiencing this phenomenon with your appliances?

Doyle [impatiently] Ca- can I finish, Sammy? Is that- is that cool? Can I finish?

Sammy I’m sorry, of course.

Doyle Alright. So like I said, it’s just a hurmming so [quietly, sharing-a-secret-like] I sneak in the kitchen, all Vatican assassin-like. [louder] Sling open the door– ACRACKACHOW! – ain’t nothing happening, boys. Mayo and mustard just looking at me like they wanna hop on a sanndwich.

Sammy [“you’re crazy and i’m gonna go”] Alright, Doyle. We’re gonna take another call. Please be careful out there, with the appliances and such.

Doyle Hey, do y’all want me to make a video and send it? *scoff* Pft-Duh! Maybe the electronics are zapped so I can’t prove it, man! It’s a big old vicious circle, bros!

[click, dial tone]

Ben Dear God.

Sammy Take care, Doyle. *sigh* Line nine, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Creeper [creepy guy from episode 2 who calls to “listen to Sammy”]Long-time listener here!— Second-time caller.

Sammy [click, dial tone] Nope! Not tonight. I don’t want that. Let’s go ahead and take liiine…

Ben *pointedly clears throat*

Sammy Uh- yes, Ben?

Ben Huhhh, wel- ah- we- we- we need to- play an ad, Sammy.

Sammy Play an ad? You know the computers are off, right?

Ben Mhmm.

Sammy Don’t look at me like that! Don’t even think it!

Ben *whispers*God. [singing to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It”] ♫Whenn- You’re- Hunngry and you know it come to Rose’s!♫

Sammy No.

Ben ♫If you’re starvin’ and it’s showin come to Rose’s!♫

Sammy Ben, please.

Ben ♫We’ve got waffles and cranapples–♫

Sammy Beenn!

Ben I’m just trying to make sure that the clients get their money’s worth?

Sammy I understand that, but you know what? there’s no better way to do that than talking about just how delicious Rose’s Diner can be. Personally, I’m one for the country breakfast. What do you get down there at Rose’s?

Ben Umm, well it’s a fact you just- can’t beat Rose’s fresh doughnuts.

Sammy And from what Troy has told us, they make a mean bagel as well!

Ben I’ve been going to Rose’s all my life? Never had a bad meal there, not one!

Sammy You know, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped by for a great meal and good conversation. So if you’re in the neighborhood, just passing through, or wanna feel at home away from home, stop by Rose’s Diner! Right off the interstate.

Ben Exit 44.

Sammy There you go.

Ben You’re good and I’m hungry. [quietly] Man, I could go for the signature pancake puppies.

Sammy Whatever stops that singin’.

Ben Okay, plea—I- I’ll have you know, Mr. Sheffield cast me as the lead in King Falls High School’s rendition of Grease.

Sammy Alright, Zuko[3], well let’s take some calls! Good evening, you’re on with—

CALLER [static/interference]

Ben TIM!

Sammy Ca-can you hear us, Tim?

Pete Sorry, sorry let me turn my radio down.

Sammy [quietly, disappointed] False alarm.

Ben What do you want, Pete?

Pete This isn’t Pete! My name isss… Escobar. And I wanted to tell you that this is the absolute worst broadcast in the history of radio. You two oughta be ashamed!

Sammy We’re just trying to make the best of a bad situation, Pete.

Pete Escobar!

Ben I thought you weren’t ever listening to King Falls AM again, Pete.

Pete I’m not listening! I’m assuming.

Sammy Well you know what they say when you assume something, right, Pete?

Pete ES. CO. BARRRIBA!

Ben Don’t you have some mowing or clipping up to do at Beauregard’s manor?

Pete Racist! But you know dang well no one goes up there after sundown! Ese?

Ben So you admit your employer is a vampire. Hmm. Interesting.

Pete I didn’t say- I didn’t- I didn’t say that! I just don’t wanna whack a weed that ain’t a weed! Ben— start living right. All that scary stuff’s fryin’ yer brain.

Sammy Pete. Escobar. Do you have a reason for calling?

Pete Alright, pushy! Alright, you know what? I swear, I ain’t listening to you ever again, you brow-beating ruffians! Nunca! Nunca, now, I tell ya. [click]

[dial tone]

Sammy It’s gonna be a long night.

[sound of electrical powering down]

Ben Look at the phone lines! We dropped all the calls. Li- line one? Hello? … You’re on with King Falls. Ugh, Nothing. We can’t fill four hours like this, Sammy.

Sammy I’ve got an idea! Gimme your keys, Ben.

[rustling]

Ben This can’t be good.

Sammy Be right back!

Ben Sammy!

[footsteps running away, door closing]

Ben [singing] ♫Strandeeed at the drive iin, braannded a foool♫[4]… Yeah, I still got it. Okay folks, just uhh— lemme just check to see if our regular phones are working, make a little call out. [muttering] What is this, a rotary phone? Sheesh!

[sound of a rotary phone being dialed, ringing]

Emily Hello?

Ben Hey, Emily, it’s Ben! H- I hope I didn’t wake you!

Emily Not at all, I’m listening. What’s going on with the show? and the electronics?

Ben I know, right? I- I just wanted to make sure you were *sniffs* Oh! uh, hey, we’re live, by the way.

Emily As live as can be, right?

Ben Right. *awkward laugh* But, yeah, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with all the— weirdness happening tonight.

Emily I’m fine! Thanks for thinking of me. Good thing I’ve got a land line, I guess.

Ben [awkwardly] If you didn’t I would’ve had to, come over to check.

Emily Oh really? …That’s an interesting thought!

Ben Huh-h- mm- yeah. Y-you know, to- make sure that you’re safe and sound. Like a gentleman?

Emily Oh, of course.

Ben Oh! Uh, so, the other reason I called: um, in all your studies or research, do you ever recall any kind of electronic or- or electromagnetic pulses here in the Falls?

Emily Not to my knowledge. Obviously, I’ll dig more into this later today at the library, but it’s new I think. [door closing in bg] Lucky us!

Ben Lucky us.

[footsteps quickly coming closer]

Sammy Alright! what’d I miss?

Emily Hi, Sammy!

Sammy Hi, Emily! … Hope you’re doing alright tonight.

Ben Hey, I’ll, uh, call you later, okay?

Emily Sounds like a plan!

Ben Night! [click, dial tone] Don’t look at me like that, Sammy.

Sammy [clearly amused and judging Ben] Ah-I didn’t say a word. Crazy power outages and electrical malfunctions— do you call your mom first? Your brother? Nope! You call your local librarian, Emily Potter.

Ben So?

Sammy So it’s cute!

Ben Whatever. W-w-what are you up to over there?

Sammy Well, this is a record player, borrowed from Mr. Chet Sebastian’s office. This is not how we planned the evening, but, thank you, Chet!

Ben And?

Sammy Well, I figure since our fancy— new, high and mighty tech is out, then we’ll just have to bring back some old trusty, reliable stuff to pass the time.

Ben It’s a little telling that most of our broadcast equipment hasn’t gotten shut down.

Sammy Merv, take a note. Upgrade our WKRP radio shack so we can take a night off when everything goes belly-up, huh?

Ben Let me mic that thing up.

[sound of needle on record]

Sammy Alright ladies and gents, you’re listening to King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the radio dial. With me as always is my co-host Ben Arnold and this? This is a little Chet Sebastian jazz to help you through this weird-ass night. Thanks for being a legend, sir.

[jazz music plays]

[CREDITS]

References:

[1] Marconi - Guglielmo Giovanni Maria Marconi, 1st Marquis of Marconi FRSA was an Italian inventor and electrical engineer, known for his pioneering work on long-distance radio transmission, development of Marconi's law, and a radio telegraph system. He is credited as the inventor of radio.

[2] Bumblebee - designation B-127, is a fictional robot superhero in the many continuities in the Transformers franchise. One of the most well known characters from the Transformers.

[3] Zuko - Danny Zuko is the male lead from the popular movie Grease.

[4] “Stranded at the drive-in” - from “Alone at a Drive-In Movie”, one of Zuko’s songs in Grease

[duchessanon]

For the Love of Henri: Tome 5 - Kiss From A Rose

Here's what you missed: https://royalfandombible.blogspot.com/2019/01/for-love-of-henri-my-fanfiction.html

What you missed in summary: Prince Henri married a beautiful pauper girl named Philanthropina (Phily). Together they had baby Libby and adopted Prince George. His evil brother and sister in law were banished from the kingdom for their evil deeds. All was well until Henri decided to bid on Meghan Markle at a charity function. She then bid on the outcast Cambridges. Kate and Meg decided to come together to overthrow Phily.

---

At the footstep of the not £4 million cottage, Henri, Meghan Markle, Willy, Kate and Charlotte stood in anticipation.

Henri put his best stern face on. 'Now I must set some ground rules before we go in. My darling Phily will not be expecting any houseguests. You MUST behave, wear undergarments at all times and not use curse words. All that agree say "aye"'.

Everyone said aye apart from Charlotte who said 'aye aye me bastard'.

Henri gasped in dismay. But Kate, who was keen to impress Henri did the unexpected and disciplined her child.

'Charlotte, wash your mouth out! No Game of Thrones for you tonight'.

'BUSYBODY!!!' Charlotte screamed.

Just then the door of the humble cottage opened and a light so bright emerged. It was so heavenly that it took a moment to notice it was coming from Phily and her cherub of her baby daughter, Libby.

'Speak of the devil and she will come' Willy snickered, and Kate elbowed him in the nethers.

'Henri my love, is everything ok?' she asked sweetly. 'I heard a commotion'.

Phily was dressed the same haggard, brown ensemble she was wearing the day they met. She was not ashamed of her roots as a pauper girl.

'Yes my dear' Henri stuttered, kissing her soiled, hardworking feet. 'We have some visitors'.

Phily was no doubt surprised to see the Cambridges and a random beautiful woman on her door step. But she would never turn anyone away from her door.

'Come in brother, sister and unknown woman', she said selflessly.

During this interaction, Meg had been quietly observing. She needed to be smart if she was going to win over Henri's heart. But every one knew a way to a man's heart is through his nethers, so she touched him on the place she knew to be every man's weak spot - his back.

Henri was startled at the feel someone's hand on his back. No-one did that apart from Phily. But not in a domineering way, in a gentle, supportive way that never implied he was a cuckhold. He knew it could be no one but Meghan Markle. But instead of disgust, Henri felt that uncontrolable nether shudder.

As Phily welcomed the Cambridges, Charlotte greeted her brother George and Libby by rapping Nicki Minaj's 'Monster' while standing on Phily's self made, recycled, environmentally friendly dinner table.

"OK first things first I'll eat your brains Then I'm a start rocking gold teeth and fangs 'cause that's what a motherfucking monster do Hair dresser from Milan that's the monster do

Monster Giuseppe heel, that's the monster shoe

Big Lizzie is the roster and a monster crew

But really, really I don't give a F-U-C-K Forget Georgie, fuck Libby 'cause she's fake She's on a diet but her pockets eating cheese cake And I'll say bride of Chucky is Child's play Just killed another career it's a mild day

Now look at what you just saw This is what you live for Aaaahhh, I'm a motherfucking monster!"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTkEpkGKgoY

The next morning Henri explained that their visitors were only there for 5 days as per the rules of the auction. Phily cooked up a sustainable breakfast and to her shock Kate offered to wash everything up.

'They really have changed' Phily said to Henri, who was weaving baskets for the poor with Libby. 'Even William is taking an interest in his son', she smiled in a motherly way.

Willy and George were weaving baskets next to the window, out of earshot.

'I hate this place!' George said sulkily 'they make me go to a pauper school that they dont have to pay for'.

'You dont say', Willy said smirking, his limited cogs turning in his brain. 'They took a school place from a pauper child, did they?'

'Don't even try it Pops. They offset it by building a new wing of the school with their bare hands and that stupid Phily volunteers as a music teacher too.'

'Ass lickers' Willy scowled. He really hoped he could get in touch with all the tabloids and plant negative stories.

Despite this setback, Willy was happy to see that nature had won over nurture and George had demanded to change his name back from Philip, and had not given in to doing any philanthropy.

Over at the kitchen sink, Kate had enlisted help from Meg with the dishes.

'Right bitch, how we gonna get rid that busybody Phily?' Kate said licking a plate clean and handing it to Meg to dry with Phily's wedding dress, which she had mistaken for a dishcloth.

'Well H will be a breeze, when I passed him after I'd taken a dump this morning, I saw him slap his nethers', Meg said sneakily.

Kate cackled, 'today's the day you make your move, I'll distract Phily, you get him to kiss you, George will take a photo and tweet it to Piers Morgan and we're done!'

'How you gonna distract her?' Meg asked.

Kate winked at Meg. At least she tried, but she couldnt wink so she just blinked instead. 'Watch and learn from the master'.

Kate stumbled into the basket weaving area, clutching her stomach, 'oooh ouch owwww ooooh'.

Phily ran over immediately. With her medical degree, she could solve any problem, 'sister, whatever is the matter?'

Just then, Kate pulled up her skirt, revealing a small head. 'I-i-i-i'm giving birth!'

'WHAT THE FUCK!' Charlotte screamed.

Willy stayed where he was and said nonchlantly, 'you're preggers again?'

'What does it look like dipshit! Sorry Phily I dont mean to curse, it's just painful you know?'

Phily tried to understand, but in reality pain during childbirth is the one thing on earth she couldnt relate to, for hers was pain free.

Ushering Kate onto the handmade couch, Phily went into full midwife mode, sending Henri to get warm towels.

Kate blinked as a signal to Meg and she followed him up the ricketty staircase.

At the towel cupboard upstairs, Meg began to sob.

'Oh dear, Meghan, what be the matter?!' Henri asked with a genuine concern that his brother could never muster.

Meg sniffed, pulling out her best acting skills, 'oh it's just so emotional seeing new life coming into the world'

'There there' said Henri, patting her on the arm.

'Oh H!' she wailed, falling into his arms. She puckered up her lips and launched at his mouth. But before she could land the kiss, Henri turned his cheek.

Around the corner, George snapped the photo using a camera he'd stolen from 'that cry baby' photographer Garther Tedwards.

Although Henri's nethers were now beating like the Beychella marching band, his love for Phily overwhelmed him.

'Stop Meghan Markle! I beg of you', he hollered .

Meg was taken aback by his rejection, 'I'm so sorry H! Please forgive me'. She fled down the ricketty staircase.

Kate was on the couch legs akimbo screaming expletives at Willy, who was now reluctantly sitting next to his wife to assist with the birth.

"FUCK YOU!!!! DID I ASK YOU TO SIT NEXT TO ME YOU BASTARD/BITCH???? FUCK YOU CUNTHOLE!!! FUCK YOU!!!"

Willy chuckled to himslef as he remembered Henri's ex girlfriend, the beautiful Jimmu, who had now somehow possessed Kate.

"IF THIS FUNNY TO YOU NOW??? BLOODY CUNTING BITCH!!! FUCK YOU CUNT!!! FUCK OFF & SHOWVE YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS YOU CUNT!!! FUCKING WHORE!!! NOW YOUR OFF MY NICE LIST YOU CUNT!!!"

Meghan held up an X sign to show Kate the plan had failed, which didn't help the situation.

Shortly after, Henri emerged with George and Garthur's camera, trying to explain why stealing was wrong. Curiously, the Cambridge children were the only children in the entire world Henri could not make like him.

After a few long minutes, the baby was ready to come out. Kate pushed one more time and felt something drop onto the couch.

'Is it out?!!!' she yelled.

Phily checked, 'no sister, you've just passed your bowels. Not to worry, keep trying'.

Kate was enraged that Phily would suggest this. 'All I'm good for is making babies, you think I dont know the difference bitch! YOUR BORN A PAUPER & YET YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE YOU EWITH YOUR SHIT COMMENT??? FUCK OFF MOTHER FUCKER I DIDN’T ASK YOU"'

Phily, remaining calm, picked up the brown item with her bare hands, noting in her head that Kate should eat more fruit, and showed it to her.

Kate grabbed the excrement at once and threw it in Willy's face. This delighted Charlotte who danced around him in a circle chanting 'shit face, shit face'.

Finally, sick of being inside such a woman, the baby pushed itself out and landed in Phily's arms. 'William, Catherine - it's a boy', she beamed.

The Camridges faked happiness, but Henri and Phily were genuinely delighted.

'What will you call him?' Phily said, cradling the baby as Kate wanted to watch Real Housewives rather than hold him.

'Shit baby!' Charlotte suggested, but no one agreed.

'Well actually he could have a name related to his arrival' Willy said. 'How about Loo?'

'Loo is the British slang term for toilet' Henri explained to Meg.

'I have an idea!' Meg said. 'Louis - but like Loo - wee'. Kate shrugged in agreeement. 

'You want to name this cherub after a toilet and urine?' Phily asked, feeling sorry for the baby despite the fact he was biting her finger with his gummy mouth.

'You have a problem with my parenting decisions Phily?' Kate asked, almost threateningly.

'Never!' Phily gasped in horror. She would never dream of being so stupid as to judge a woman on what she named, or how she held her baby.

'Charlotte darling, why dont you sing a little song to celebrate Loowee's arrival' Willy said.

Charlotte immediately began a rendition of Lily Allen's 'Fuck you'.

"Fuck you Fuck you very, very much 'Cause your words don't translate And it's getting quite late So please don't stay in touch Do you get Do you get a little kick out of being slow-minded? You want to be like your father It's approval you're after Well that's not how you find it"

 ***Musical interlude***  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK4fJhbRL1g

---

Two days later, while Phily, Henri and Libby were on an engagement, Meghan finally got a chance to speak to Kate again. She had been busy watching the Real Housewives marathon and telling Loowee to pipe down.

'What we gonna do about H?' Meg asked. 'He's been avoiding me since Loowee's birth'

'It's obvious he's not gonna ditch that halfwit willingly. We gotta get rid of her - for good! It's time for drastic action'. Kate pressed her engagement ring, she had a button installed in it so it would send a shock up Willy's ass when she needed him.

Willy came running, 'yes babykins?'

'Gimme your phone'.

Willy handed it over relutantly. Kate opened his messages and found his conversation with someone only identified by a Rose emoji. She texted quickly - 'get 2 Nott Cott now'.

Five minutes later there was a knock at the door. When Meg opened it, a woman who could have been a Kate impersonator stood before her. 

'Meg, Rose, Rose, Meg' Kate said, not bothering with formal introductions. Willy looked sheepish in the corner (allegedly).

Meg didnt know who Rose allegedly was but she didn't care. She just wanted to know how she could help her ensnare H.

Kate explained the plan. 'As soon as Phily gets home, we're gonna feed her an apple dosed with botox. Phily is allergic to anything superficial so she'll become drowsy. That's where Rose comes in. She's a witch and with one kiss, Phily will be gone.'

Meg considered the implications of killing the future queen, but came to the conclusion it was worth it.

And so the plan was set. Meg wrote 'you are so loved Phily' on an apple and Kate injected it with the botox she always kept in her bra.

When Phily got home, she was full of the joys of spring. 'We met the most wonderful disadvantaged people today', she beamed. 'I just love saving people'.

Henri smiled lovingly at his wife, 'and they love you, belle'.

'Speaking of love!' Meg said. 'You must take this gift'. She handed her the apple and Phily was touched.

'How wonderful! I will eat it later' she said.

'No you must eat it now sister' Kate said, wearing a full hooded cloak.

'But it's time for dinner' said Phily.

'So what, eat it!' George said impatiently.

'Yeh Phily, why you gotta be so busybody?' Charlotte added.

'Oh no I really shouldnt' Phily said innocently.

'Just eat the fucking apple!' said a voice from the window. They all turned around and Philpot was riding past on his horse and cart.

'Well if grandfather says so' Phily said. She bit into the apple and immediately felt a little faint as the botox hit her pure blood.

Elegantly, she fell into Henri's big, strong arms.

'Mon amour!' Henri yelled, carrying her up the ricketty stairs swiftly.

'Oh no, what has happened?' Meg said. Her acting ability really was wasted on Suits.

'There must've been something artificial in the apple' Henri said, laying her on their handmade bed.

'How could there be?' said Kate. 'It's from your very own Orchard For the Hungry'.

Phily was still breathing but was confused.

Henri was devestated at the thought that his orchard might be to blame.

'It's ok Henners, I know a great doctor that is THE expert on allergies'. Meg said.

Just then there was a knock at the bedroom door and Rose allegedly entered wearing a white doctor's coat.

'Here she is now, this is Dr Rose, allegedly', Meg said.

Henri didnt have time to question how she got there so fast, so just said in a panicked voice, 'Dr Allegedly, please help my wife!'

'Everyone who is male and under 2 years of age must leave the room' said Rose.

'No I can not leave her!' Henri wailed, falling at Phily's bedside.

George at once knew it was his time to shine because his father was too dimwitted to defuse this situation.

'Uncle Henri, please could you tell me again why one should never dress as a member of a fascist, murdering political party? I just dont understand why it's so bad' George said sweetly.

Henri knew at once that his greater calling was to teach George right from wrong. It is what Phily would want.

He left the room with one last glance at Phily who was humming 'Once upon a dream'.

That left Kate, Meg, Rose, Charlotte and Phily.

'Get it done Rose!' whispered Kate.

'In order for the enchantment to work, you must all join hands and sing the death kiss soundtrack, the underrated classic 'Kiss from a rose' by Seal'.

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMD2TwRvuoU

Rose kissed Phily on the lips, as the others encircled them singing hypnotically.

A pink mist left Phily's mouth and was inhaled by Rose. 'It is done'.

There was a moment of silence before Kate fell at Rose's feet and looked deeply in her eyes as she sang.

"You remain

My power, my pleasure, my pain.

To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah

Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know, That when it snows,

My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen."

Meg gasped. She had been foolish. It was Kate who was allegedly having an affair with Rose, not allegedly Willy!

She didnt have time for that revelation now. She needed to check Phily was really gone.

Checking her pulse, she waited for a few moments until suddenly she felt it beat.

'Damn it Rose, she's alive!' Meg said, losing her temper.

'ARE YOU DUMB, BITCH??!' screamed Charlotte.

Rose rushed over from her alleged embrace with Kate, who had shed her cloak and was now in a real snake skin body suit.

She checked her pulse, and discovered Meg was correct. Her pulse was beating every 19.84 seconds - the year of Henri's birth.

'Oh fuck' Rose allegedly said. 'I've only heard about this happening in fairytales. When the love between husband and wife is pure, the kiss will not work to its full effect'.

Meg screamed into her hands. 'How can it be pure when H's nethers react to me?'

'That is simply a test from Jesu. The point is, Henri has resisted your advances, thus proving the purity of his love'. Rose explained to the room.

At this point, Charlotte lost it. She wanted to be back in her £4 million apartment, not this shitty dive.

'I don’t need a damn explanation about what she asked. Seriously do not act too smart about teaching me things. Asshole answer the question do not even try to be a bloody smart ass. Seriously pisses me off!!!' she yelled.

Rose looked at Kate quizically.

'A bout of Jimmutitus' Kate shrugged.

'What do we do?!' Meg said desperately.

'As long as Henri doesnt suck Phily's toe, the curse will remain in place and the princess will remain in a slumber forever' said Rose.

Kate stroked her chin, 'so technically, we could just SAY Phily's dead? As long as we keep any qualified medical staff away from her?'.

'I guess' Rose said. 'Can I go now?'.

'Yeah, bye', Kate said.

'How are we gonna keep everyone away from Phily?' Meg asked. 

By this point Kate was running out of patience with her co-conspirator and her incessant questions.

'HEY FUCKER, DID I ASK YOU ANYTHING???? DID I??? MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!' Kate screamed.

'Uh oh you've done it now' Charlotte sniggered.

Meghan was stunned, 'but I-i-i-i was just asking, we're running out of time'

'WHO THE FUCK ASKED YOU BITCH FOR YOUR SHIT OPINION??? BLOODY FUCKING BITCH!!! GET A LIFE!!!'

'Ok ok I'm sorry Kate!'

'MAYBE IF YOU HAD SHUT THE FUCK UP I WOULDN'T BE SCOLDING YOU NOW!!! FUCKER!!! Just shut up and let me think'.

Kate closed her eyes and thought for approximately 10 seconds. In the meantime, Charlotte took off her sock and stuffed it in Meg's mouth to stop any more questions.

When Kate was done thinking, she strode over to the window and flung it open. Beneath her was the sprawling gardens of Kensington Palace.

She took a deep breath and yodelled out of the window 'EUUUUUUGBEEEEEEEEEEEEEA!!!!!!'

Meghan wanted to ask who Eugbea was but she didnt dare.

Within 5 seconds, a figure came running up the lawn. Charlotte leant on the window frame watching the woman run 'urgh her dress is SO tragic'.

'Meg get over here, lean your head back like this', Kate said.

Both woman stuck their heads out of the window and their hair tumbled to the ground.

When Eugbea reached the bottom of the window, she said 'I think I should go up the stairs'

'SHOVE WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS!!! Get up here!' Kate hollered.

Eugbea knew better than to argue and began climbing up the wall using the hair as ropes. Finally she made it to the top and clambered into the bedroom.

As soon as she saw Phily lying unconscious on the bed, she let out an inhumane wail. Phily was like the sister Eugbea never had.

'There there, let it out' Kate said, patting her back, suddenly kind. Charlotte stood underneath her catching her tears in her hands.

As usual, Meghan was perplexed so Charlotte filled her in whispering 'this is Eugbea, a blood princess. Blood princesses cry diamond tears so I'm collecting them to make a cage for Phily.'

Meg didnt understand how Charlotte had worked all of this out in the minute that had gone past, but she wanted it to work so bad that she too patted Eugbea's back.

Eugbea turned around nervously at the touch, 'w-w-who are you?'

'No time for that' Kate said, poking her in the eye.

Eugbea cried even more until there were enough diamonds to build the cage.

At once, Charlotte threw the diamonds in the air and they cascaded down in the shape of a dome around Phily, creating a solid diamond barrier.

Once they had ensured nobody could get through it by repeatedly shoving Eugbea against it, Kate pushed her back out of the window and slammed it shut.

'We ready girls? Put on your best sad faces'. They all turned their smiles upside down and Kate pressed her engagement ring.

Willy came flying up the stairs with the boys and Libby. Henri stormed towards his love.

'What is this!' he asked in dismay, looking at Phily through the dome.

Meg began to cry dramatically, 'Dr Rose did everything she could but it wasnt enough, she's gone!!!'

Henri fell flat on his back like a plank, 'NoOoOoOoOoOoOoooooooOOOO!'

Libby ran over and began to sing 'Memory' from Cats in a beautiful operatic voice (the musical version, not the movie one because Libby had refined tastes).

"Touch meeeeee,

It is so easy to leave meeeeee

All alone with the memoryyyyyyyy

Of my days in the suuun

If you touch me,

You'll understand what happiness is

Look, a new day has beguuuuuuuuun"

***Musical interlude*** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm5w7gHEtJI

----

No public outcry was big enough for Phily. So the royal family decided to send her diamond tomb around the commonwealth via boat (not environmentally unfriendly jet) so her people could say goodbye personally. She was pulled over dying land on a horse and cart, and people threw seeds at her tomb instead of flowers. This meant that the land would become nourished once more.

Even when dead, Phily was working.

After 6 months of travelling, she returned to the UK and was placed in the Windsor Castle tomb with all the greatest kings and queens of England. Luckily for Meg, no one had noticed that Phily was indeed alive.

Henri was devestated but continued to work, alongside Libby.

The public love for Phily had meant that the Cambridges were provisionally forgiven and they moved back into KP on the condition that they undertook at least one engagement a year.

Meghan Markle had remained in Nottingham Cottage to support Henri while flying (not boating) back and forth to Canada to film her show Suits.

Meg had not tried to seduce Henri's nethers as she knew she must gain the public's trust first and act as a good friend.

But she couldnt wait any longer. Since Kate had moved home, she wanted nothing more to do with Meg, so she had concocted a new plan all by herself.

One evening, Henri was carving scultptures for the PPPCT - Princess Philanthropina Pauper Conservation Trust. Meg was in the kitchen roasting a chicken and wafting the smell towards Henri to replicate the cozy vibes Phily always managed to make.

'H, I was thinking for the 6 months anniversary of Phily's passing, we should have an event, the public need to be cheered up' she said, sounding philanthropic.

'A wonderful idea to think of the people of Britain and the commomwealth Meghan, what shall we do?'

'Mmmmmm, well what cheers the British more than anything?' she asked innocently.

'There are only 2 things that cheer Brits. Winning a sport and a royal wedding for a SENIOR member of the family', Henri said.

Meg smirked to herself, he'd bought it hook, line and sinker. 'We cant cheat in sport so maybe a royal wedding is our only option!'

'But we have no single members left that are loved enough' H said dumbly.

Meg rolled her eyes behind his back. 'Well you are single H, and no one is more loved than you!'

H gasped. 'I couldn't!'

Meg, wearing a British flag dress batted her eyelashes. 'Phily is gone and she'd want you to be happy. But she'd want you to make the British people happier'.

H thought for 1.5 seconds and decided she was right. He scolded himself for being selfish, Phily WOULD want him to serve the people above anything else.

'You're right Meghan, but who would I marry?'

'It's funny you asked because I found this in between Phily's reuable sanitary pads' she pulled out a ring box and opened it. Inside was a diamond engagement ring. 'Phily must have had it made, just in case this happened'.

H wept, 'oh my love was so kind!'.

Meg accidently on purpose dropped it on the floor and when Henri gallantly bent on one knee to pick it up, she yelled 'YES!'

'Um what?'

'YES I'LL MARRY YOU!' she grabbed Henri by the collar and pulled him into a hug, planting a big kiss on his perfect lips.

Henri was speechless. It seemed he had just proposed.

And just like that, Meghan Markle and Henri, the Prince of the People, were engaged to be married!

[nicolewrites]

heartstrings - iii

i did estimate for today! it’s late and i need sleep, so this might need editing later, but it’s done! probably just one more part after this!

part i | part ii

Rating: T Genre: Romance Characters: [Vax’ildan and Keyleth] [Percival de Rolo and Vex’ahlia] Words: 7080

Kiki @keylethashari has tagged you in a tweet: New Q&A up and we’re talking music! creds to @vexmachina @vaxmachina @burtreynoldsesq @thelumineers and others!! // CR1 Vaxleth+Perc’ahlia YouTuber/Musician/Celebrity AU

AO3

The next morning, Vax was already in the kitchen working on emptying out their liquor cupboard when Vex walked in. She zeroed in on the bottle of tequila he was pouring down the drain and frowned heavily.

“I know for a fact that that one belonged to you. You don’t have to drain your money too, you know,” she said. She slid onto one of the barstools and kept a critical eye on him.

Vax shook the last few drops of alcohol out of the bottle and left it sitting with the others by the sink. He looked at Vex sternly. “We’re going to take this seriously and if that means that I’m not drinking either while at home, I’m fine with that. Besides,” he added, letting his tone lighten, “it’s not like we’re a couple of broke street kids anymore.”

Vex cracked a small smile. “Have you started the coffee? I could really use a cup today.”

Vax tipped his head to the already brewing pot. “Way ahead of you, Stubby.”

She smiled. “Thank god.”

An almost awkward silence settled over the kitchen as Vax moved around, finishing the last of his purge while also getting the coffee pot set. Vex leaned forward on the counter and studied him intensely.

He raised an eyebrow at her stern stare. “What?”

“I saw the video on Twitter this morning,” Vex replied nonchalantly. “How long have you been planning to do that video with Keyleth?”

Vax shrugged. “She asked me to a couple of weeks ago. You’re not mad I did it without you, are you?” She shook her head. “Then what is it?” he asked.

Vex smirked and leaned her chin on her palm. “Keyleth’s pretty, that’s all.”

Vax rolled his eyes. “So is Percy. What are you getting at?”

“You seem awfully invested in this vlogger who you didn’t even know existed until several months ago.”

“And you’re the one who’s been seeing a movie star, so you don’t have much room to talk.”

Vex laughed. “Touché, brother. But really, what’s going on between you and Keyleth?”

“We’re friends Vex, god. Sometimes that happens with me, you know? I can have friends besides you,” he replied.

“Oh come on, Vax, I’m always the one with gossip, you have to give me something here,” she said, using her most winning smile.

Vax opened the fridge and pulled out a carton of eggs. He walked to the stove and pulled out a frying pan. With his back turned to her, he felt safe enough to reply. “You said it yourself, she’s pretty, but we’re just friends, really.”

“Fry me one too,” she requested when she saw the eggs. He cracked two into the pan. “You like her though,” she continued.

Vax shrugged. “We’re friends, it’s fun, and I don’t plan on messing with that.”

Vex sighed. “That’s the same reason you and Shaun never gave it a real shot. You can’t back out of all your opportunities for relationships just because you’re afraid, Vax.”

He focused on the steaming eggs in front of him. “Yeah, well, I don’t think Shaun and I would have lasted. We’re better off as friends. We both know that he was always more serious about me, than I was about him.”

The coffee machine clicked off to his left, and Vex slid into the kitchen to pour two generous cups of it. Vax flipped the eggs, careful not to break the yolks, and waited for Vex’s reply.

“Listen, brother, I don’t have the best track record with relationships, but I really feel like you ought to test the waters with Keyleth. Maybe she’s just as interested as you are. Although, if it means you make more videos with her than you do with me, we’re going to have a little problem.”

Vax gave her a skeptical look. “We’re twins, Vex, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

She sighed dramatically. “And here I had hoped.”

-

“A meet and greet?” Vex asked skeptically. Vax looked between his sister and Zahra.

“Sure, it would be a great way to connect with the fans you have in the area and really give yourselves a bump on social media,” Zahra encouraged.

Vax shifted. “That’s more Vex’s strength than mine.”

Zahra turned her gaze to him. “And yet you’re the one who went and collaborated with one of the biggest creators on the platform. The video you did with Keyleth and all the interactions you two have on Twitter have really boosted you beyond where you think, Vax.”

He sighed. “Yeah, well that’s easy. Keyleth is my friend so it’s easy to treat her as one.”

“Even though the whole world could be watching?”

Vex touched his hand reassuringly. “I think, as my darling brother is trying to say, it’s easy to pretend no one’s watching us because we’re so used to being nobodies that actually being someone is a little disconcerting.”

Vax studied her for a long moment. Her hair was neatly pulled into a stylish braid and she looked brighter and lighter than she had in weeks. Getting rid of the alcohol at home had been the easy part and he had seen how she would almost flinch when she ordered water at a restaurant. Still, she looked healthier and her light-heartedness was coming back, which Vax was infinitely grateful for.

“If you think it would really help, then I guess I can agree to that,” he said, directing the statement at Zahra.

Vex sighed. “I suppose it could be kind of fun, couldn’t it?”

Zahra smiled broadly. “Excellent! I’ll start drawing up some ideas and you two can let me know your schedules so I don’t have to double-book you or anything. Is there anything else we need to talk about in the near future?” Zahra’s gaze drifted between the twins, heavy with implications.

Vex laughed shortly. “If that’s your way of inquiring about our relationship statuses, I think it’s pretty obvious in certain cases. Vax has obviously friend-zoned himself with Keyleth.”

He elbowed her. “We are friends, that’s it. Besides, what’s up with you and Percy then? If you’re so keen to throw me under the bus, that is.”

Vex smirked and pulled out her phone. She tapped out something before dropping it back into her purse, raising a challenging eyebrow.

Vax and Zahra’s phones chimed with Twitter notifications and Vax rolled his eyes. He unlocked his phone and did a quick search to find Vex’s profile.

Vex @vexmachina • Just Now

Darling, I think I left my coat at your place the other night @percivalderolo

The tweet was short, sweet, and spoke volumes all on its own. By the way that likes and replies were pouring in, it had been unexpected, but that was just the way Vex liked to live. She was still smirking at him when he looked back up and he rolled his eyes at her antics.

Just then, her phone rang abruptly. She furrowed her brow and pulled it out. Vax caught a glimpse of the screen and saw that it was, funnily enough, the very person that she had just tweeted about. Vex answered the call and brought her phone up to her ear.

“Hello Darling, what can I do for you?”

Vax didn’t hear the replied, but Vex smiled and gave a light chuckle.

“No, Percy, I didn’t actually leave my coat at your apartment, it’s fine.” She paused as he replied again. “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow and no you should definitely not reply to my tweet. You’ll take all the fun out of it.”

Vex hung up the phone and looked between Vax and Zahra. “Does that answer your question? And yes, I will do the meet-and-greet.”

-

Vax was lying sprawled on Keyleth’s couch as he explained to her the story behind Vex’s tweet. Keyleth laughed and Vax lolled his head to the side so he could make eye contact with her where she sat on her living room floor, fiddling with several dozen plastic flowers, trying to weave them into a semi-sturdy crown.

“And Percy didn’t care?”

“I mean, didn’t care is a bit strong. I didn’t really get to hear his reaction, but he didn’t seem torn up about it.”

Keyleth giggled and smiled. “That’s good. You know, Percy and I have actually been friends for years, but it took him ages to open up to me so I’m glad he’s doing better with that for Vex. They sound sweet together.”

Vax paused and blinked. “You and Percy are friends?”

Keyleth nodded. “I met him shortly after he moved to L.A. with Cassandra. I was new to the city and we actually ran into one another close to Whitestone’s main headquarters. We got along well-enough and,” she smiled shyly, “fame between a movie star and a YouTuber is getting harder to distinguish. I think he might be the most anti-paparazzi person I’ve ever met.”

Vax nodded and stretched his arms up. “I’ve heard as much from Vex.” He glanced at her again. “There’s actually something I wanted to ask you.”

She jerked her head up, their eyes locking. She blinked and Vax momentarily forgot how to speak as sunlight drifted across her face, illuminating her freckles and making her hair shine like copper. “To ask me?” she parroted.

Vax sat up quickly. Keyleth shifted and cocked her head curiously. “Vex and my birthday is actually coming up. We were going to put something small together with us and a few of our friends outside the business, but I know she was planning to invite Percy, so I wanted to know if you would like to come?”

Keyleth beamed. “It would be an absolute honour.” She paused, getting a gleam in her eyes. “But, you know what would be even better than a small get-together? A Scanlan Shorthalt Birthday Extravaganza!”

Vax laughed and shook his head. “Come on, we’re friendly with Scanlan and such, but we would rather keep this tame.”

Keyleth leaned across the coffee table and touched her hand to his knee. “Vax, trust me. Scanlan is, surprisingly, capable of tame. It’ll be you, Vex, Percy, your other friends, me and Scanlan at one of the best mansions in L.A.” She smiled. “Oh, and probably Grog and Pike, because the three of them are kind of a packaged deal.”

Vax sighed. Keyleth smiled at him and he was torn. He wanted to keep it small so that he could keep the alcohol away easily, but Keyleth’s offer did sound tempting. It also sounded like something Vex would enjoy since she wouldn’t have to snap at him for babysitting her when she didn’t need supervision at all times.

“I’ll ask Vex,” he consented after a long moment.

Keyleth’s hand squeezed his knee and she smiled brilliantly at him.

-

To his genuine surprise, the party was practically perfect. Scanlan had been excited to throw it and at first, Vax had worried, but Pike had promised not to let him get out of hand, on the condition that she and Grog were also invited. It was an easy sell and already made all parties involved more comfortable.

They had laughed, told stories, and sang stupid karaoke songs for hours. It was close to 1 in the morning and the group had splintered into smaller factions. Kima had been basically adopted by Grog, Pike, and Scanlan as they took over Scanlan’s overly large TV to play video games. Grog seemed to be especially enjoying Kima’s company as he’d actually voluntarily chosen to be on her team over Pike’s, leaving Pike and Scanlan to team up. Ironically, this proved his downfall as the Pike-Scanlan team was sweeping the floor with Kima and Grog, but the four of them were laughing and having a great time.

Gilmore, Allura, Percy, and Vex were in the kitchen having a civilized discussion and telling stories about how they all met. A lot of it was very embarrassing for both of the twins, but Vex took it all in stride, her arm looped through Percy’s and a stupid fake birthday tiara perched on her hair.

Vax had been talking with them, but when he realized that Keyleth was missing, he excused himself to the back of the house to look for her. He managed to guess her location on the first try because she was seated in one of many cushioned pool chairs close to the edge of the property, her eyes trained on the sky wistfully.

Vax approached silently and slipped into the chair next to her. He studied her briefly: her red hair was tucked into a loose ponytail with Pike’s spare hair elastic and she was wearing a light green blouse with ripped jeans. It was casual and yet she made it look elegant all the same. She didn’t seem to notice his arrival so he cleared his throat gently.

“What are you looking at, Kiki?”

She jumped and almost fell off of her chair, clutching a hand over her heart in fright. “Geez Vax I didn’t even hear you approach. Are you secretly a ninja or something?”

He gave her a small smile. “Maybe in another life.”

She returned the smile. “And, well, I’m looking at the stars. Or, I’m trying to.”

Vax squinted up at the sky. There wasn’t a lot to see between the lights of the city and a few scattered clouds. “Anything interesting up there?”

She laughed lightly. “I don’t know, honestly, the light pollution makes it hard to see most of the time.”

He studied her face again. She looked content, but also a touch sad. “Was it better at home?”

Her smile spread and she got a faraway look in her eyes. “Miles.” She looked over at him and he saw excitement glimmer in her eyes. “Zephrah is high up and far enough from any big cities that we have the most beautiful nights. Imagine huge clear skies and more stars than you can count.”

“If just thinking about it makes you look like that, I can’t wait to see it,” he said. He almost didn’t realize what he said until the words were out. He clamped his jaw shut and waited to see her reaction.

Keyleth smiled faintly, her timidness creeping in as she looked out over the edge of the deck towards the glittering city of Los Angeles. “I don’t regret leaving though. Being here has been important for me: I’ve grown into my own person and there’s so much I learned here I never could have learned if I’d never left.” She looked back at him. “And of course, I met all of you. So I really don’t regret it.”

Vax looked up at the sky. “Coming here was probably the best thing that Vex and I could have done. We’d worn out our stay in London; it just wasn’t our home anymore.”

Keyleth looked at him curiously. For all he’d shared with her, this felt more raw and sensitive than anything else he’d given her as insight into their past. Vax felt the corners of his mouth lift half-heartedly.

“Our mother died,” he said suddenly. “Stabbed by some mugger in an alley. It threw everything in our lives out of loop and just opened a lot of doors we didn’t need opening. We finally made the choice to move on and come here and it changed everything. We didn’t have degrees or higher education, but we found a stupid hole-in-the-wall apartment. We met Gilmore and Allura and Kima and it was good. Then Gilmore finally made us start the channel and since then,” he paused, his fists clenching and unclenching, “it’s felt like everything has spiralled so out of control.”

“Do you regret it?”

He laughed and shook his head. “Never.” He looked up and locked their eyes. “You said it best, right? If we hadn’t done that we never would have met any of you.” He looked back at the house where he could hear the laughter of his friends and he smiled faintly. “It’s nice to be wanted.”

Keyleth reached over and took his hand in hers. Her fingers were long and slender and they fit between his almost perfectly. She had a freckle on the back of her hand that Vax locked his eyes onto, almost afraid to look up at her.

Vex was right. He cared so deeply for her, but he wouldn’t dare push her. He valued her as a friend more than anything else and the last thing he wanted was to lose her and the semblance of love he’d found in his life. He wanted to hold her, kiss her, and adore her, but he was afraid. He looked up and saw she was just watching him shyly.

Her eyes were beautiful and they glimmered with more emotions than the easily readable happiness and kindness. There was doubt and fear in them too, but they were so unapologetically human. Keyleth wasn’t perfect and he was so thankful for that. It made her even more beautiful.

“Cannonball!”

Grog’s voice cut into the atmosphere abruptly. It was all the warning they got before there was a loud bang and a huge spray from the pool as he leapt in. The resulting splash nearly drenched Vax and Keyleth, but Vax was quick on his feet and he managed to stand and pull Keyleth with him just out of the splash radius.

Kima cheered as she sprinted outside and leapt in after Grog. More laughter followed and Vax watched as Pike and Scanlan dashed out of the house and jumped in as well, their hands tightly linked. Keyleth laughed loudly and Vax realized that he was holding both of her hands. He dropped one quickly and tugged her towards the house.

“I’m not really feeling like getting soaked, are you?”

She giggled. “No, you’re definitely right. Let’s go.”

Using their still linked hands, she pulled him into the living room of the house, just as Vex and the others were trickling outside to watch the spectacle taking place in the pool. Gilmore, Allura, and Percy all didn’t appear to even notice Vax and Keyleth, but Vex cast them a meaningful look as she walked past. Vax gave her a stern look in reply and she just winked before he was left alone with Keyleth.

Keyleth was still giggling. “Wow, that was an adrenaline rush I didn’t know I needed.”

Vax chuckled. “Near-death experiences will do that to a person.”

“I don’t know if I’d call that near death,” she said, nudging his arm.

He shrugged. “Grog and Kima together? That sounds frightening.”

Keyleth smiled and the conversation died. Vax became painfully aware of their proximity and privacy. His own heart was racing and there was something about the way that Keyleth was looking at him that made him throw caution to the wind.

“You know I’m in love with you,” he murmured lowly.

His free hand cupped her face and he kissed her. Her lips were soft and warm and for a second, she was completely frozen against him. Vax nearly panicked until there was a tentative, gentle response. It lasted only for a moment before Keyleth pulled away, eyes wide and cheeks flaming red.

Vax dropped his hand from her face and tried to catalogue the emotions he saw flickering across Keyleth’s face. He saw awe, and shock, and a hint of admiration, but it was all quickly buried by fear. Keyleth gently stepped away, stepping out of his space, and shook her head. Her fingers brushed against her lips and her shoulders crumpled a little again.

“Vax, I,” she mumbled tensely, “I can’t.”

She stepped back again, and again before finally, she turned and basically ran out of the room towards the front door. Vax was left standing alone in Scanlan’s living room. Shame flooded him hotly followed closely by the sharp pain of rejection. As much as he wanted to think he knew how to read Keyleth, her running away was about the last thing he had expected. He stared at the place she disappeared and felt an unfriendly coldness grip his chest.

He had ruined it.

-

“She ran away from you?” Vex exclaimed in surprise.

Vax groaned and dropped an arm over his eyes. He was lying on the couch in their living room the day after the birthday party where Keyleth had fled after he kissed her. “No need to rub it in, Stubby.”

There was a rustling noise before a pillow thudded against his stomach and he groaned. Vex had clearly chucked one of the pillows from the armchair she was occupying at him. “She ran away from you, and you didn’t go after her?”

He lifted his arm and levelled a glare at his sister. “What was I supposed to do? She said she couldn’t and I didn’t want to push her, that would have been even worse especially since I dropped that on her so suddenly.”

Vex pursed her lips. “I still can’t believe you’re in love with her.”

“Just days ago you were encouraging me to be, so why is it hard to believe?”

“Because, brother dear, even though you are free with your affection, it’s been a long time since I’d actually seen you look at anyone like that. I’m happy for you, I promise.”

He sighed and picked up the pillow she had thrown at him. He traced his finger along the outer seam. “I messed this up,” he said bitterly. “I shouldn’t have done anything.”

Vex threw another pillow at him. “Vax’ildan, you did not mess it up. You were honest and that’s good. You need to talk to her and figure out why she ran away.”

“I tried calling her this morning and she didn’t answer. Am I supposed to just blow up her voice mail?”

Vex crinkled her nose. “No, definitely not. You just need to do something that she can’t ignore or hide from.”

Vax rolled so he was on his side and made eye contact with Vex. “I’m not going to publicly show up at her apartment with flowers and loudly declare my love if that’s what you were envisioning.”

Vex laughed. “Not quite what I had in mind, though I do like the image. I have a better idea.” She slid her phone out and tapped a few things. Vax’s phone chimed on the coffee table and he reached for it.

[Vex] I Was Made For Loving You | open.spotify.com

He stared at his sister. “Tori Kelly?”

“Featuring Ed Sheeran,” she replied. “Everyone knows he’s the king of romantic love songs.”

“What am I supposed to do with this? Bring a boombox and go stand outside her apartment, blaring the song until I get her attention?”

Vex rolled her eyes. “No, dummy, you’re supposed to sing it. We do make videos for a living and if you want to get Keyleth’s attention you need to make it clear to her that you want it. It will be an obvious message to her while also not drawing in all the media attention that you literally yelling about how much you love her would.”

Vax glanced at the album cover on his phone screen and then back at his sister. “You want to do this song, right? It’s not just a ploy for this?”

“I do,” Vex promised. “Maybe I can’t say anything to Percy yet, but this should be a nudge in the right direction either way.”

Vax sighed. “If I go get my guitar, we’re doing this my way.”

Vex grinned. “Listen to the song. You’ll like the guitar parts anyways. Plus, it’s already a duet so there’s not much rearranging required.”

Vax nodded but didn’t move from the couch. “Okay, I’ll do it. But, tomorrow. I need a day to wallow.”

Vex snorted. “Well, that doesn’t sound pathetic in the slightest.”

He gave her a pointed look. “You’re the one who had a fit after the paparazzi caught you and Percy together. Let me have this.”

She sighed. “I’m picking the movie then and since you threw out all of our alcohol, it actually has to be a good one.”

-

In the end, it took them a week to get a sound and video combination that they liked enough for the cover. Vax edited the video, partially because he liked editing, but also partially because he was mildly afraid Vex might throw in something about Keyleth that he really didn’t want to be in it.

He started it with a shot of his hands as he played the guitar introduction before it panned to Vex as she sang the opening of the song. He played with the lighting and contrast in post a little and found a balance he liked that was still natural but had subtler ethereal vibes. Overall, it felt like one of their better videos and he did like how they ended up with their arrangement of the song as well.

The video got the approval from Cassandra, who apparently adored it, and so he queued it up to post at noon. Cassandra had been working with Zahra to plan a meet-and-greet/mini-concert for Vox Machina coming up and had insisted that they would play the song live. The idea made Vax’s stomach turn, but it was a good cover, and Vex seemed to want to, so he would do it anyway. Plus, with the event that coming weekend, at least they were prepared to perform it.

The video went live and his phone immediately chimed with a notification from Vex.

Vex @vexmachina • Just Now

New video’s up! See @vaxmachina and I take on @torikelly and Ed’s I Was Made for Loving You -> youtube.com/watch?v=klRueW

He retweeted Vex’s tweet and stared at the compose button for a long moment before selecting it.

Vax @vaxmachina • Just Now

It’s Tuesday and you know what that means #voxmachina | youtube.com/watch?v=klRueW

He placed his phone down and picked up his guitar. He strummed a few chords and hummed along, trying to perfect the melody he was working on. The lyrics had been developing at a rate that was just slow enough to be discouraging, so he was trying to work on different aspects of the song to reignite the inspiration.

He was playing a particularly tricky cadence when his phone chimed. Vax sighed, but place the guitar to the side. He glanced at his phone and furrowed his brows.

Kiki @keylethashari has retweeted your tweet: wooooooooow!! <3

Vax smiled faintly at the notification and placed his phone face down on the table again. He and Keyleth hadn’t spoken directly since the kiss occurred, but they had interacted on Twitter, retweeting and liking each other’s posts. He wanted to talk to her again and for them to regain what they had had before Vax had screwed the whole thing up.

He moved to grab his guitar again, but his phone vibrated. He paused and stared at it. It vibrated insistently again and again. It took entirely too long for him to realize that it wasn’t notifications: it was a phone call. He didn’t even think before he answered the call.

“Hello?”

“Vax?”

A faint smile tugged up his lips. “Hey Kiki,” he replied gently.

He heard her exhale deeply. “I wasn’t sure if you were going to pick up. If anyone had treated me like I did to you, I know I wouldn’t have.”

Vax paused, unsure how to reply. “I shocked you so your reaction was justified.”

“But cutting you out wasn’t. You’re one of my best friends, Vax, I should have never treated you like that.”

He breathed out slowly. “Keyleth, I get it, it’s okay.”

“I wasn’t fair to you and I haven’t really been fair to myself. I miss you.”

He smiled. “I miss you too.”

“Your event is this weekend, right?”

“Yeah, we’re meeting at the Emon Center for Performing Arts.”

“I’ll be there. If I could see you right now, I would, I promise, but I’m actually in Zephrah.”

Vax straightened in his seat. “You went home?”

Keyleth sighed. “I missed it more than I thought and I needed some perspective. My dad gives good advice. He’s the one who told me to phone you instead of just showing up on Saturday.”

Vax laughed. “Not that I wouldn’t have appreciated that as well, but I’m glad you called. I like hearing your voice.”

She let out a breathy giggle. “I’m glad I called too.”

-

The Friday night before the event, Vax was going over the preliminary questions that had been submitted on Twitter. He and Vex were sorting through which ones they wanted to answer and then they would send those over to Zahra for final approval before the official questions were selected. He was lounging on the couch in the living room, scrolling through the question results on his laptop while a new video was exporting in the background.

His peace and quiet were disturbed by the ringing of the apartment phone. Vax scrambled for it, pulling it to his ear.

“Hello?”

“Hi Vax! I’m outside, can you buzz me in?” Pike greeted cheerfully.

“Pike? What are you doing here?”

“Unimportant at the moment, but if you could let me up, that would be great.”

“Uh, alright I guess,” he paused to push the button which opened the auxiliary door. “But, really, why are you here?”

“Thanks, Vax!” she said brightly before disconnecting the call.

Vax stared at the phone in confusion. He hadn’t spoken to Pike since his birthday and he had no idea how she’d gotten their address or why she had shown up unannounced. He loitered around the door for a minute until there was a crisp knock on it, signalling her arrival. Vax opened the door quickly.

Pike was alone, her light hair twisted into a loose bun and she was wearing a purple concert tee that was probably Scanlan’s with a pair of black leggings. She smiled at Vax and stepped into the apartment, closing the door behind her. Vax stepped away from the door as Pike slid her shoes off and dropped her purse on the ground next to them.

Then, she turned her blue eyes on him and fixed him with a firm stare. “What’s going on with you?”

Vax blinked, taken aback. “What?”

Pike tilted her head. “What’s going on, Vax?”

He stepped further away, feeling his defensive walls sliding up. “Pike, I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Her gaze softened. “Let’s sit,” she suggested, moving past him to the couch.

Vax sat beside her warily and fidgeted with his sleeve. “What’s going on?” he asked.

Pike studied him. “You’ve withdrawn. Something happened last week or the week before that caused you to withdraw completely. You blew off hanging out with everyone last night, which, according to Vex, is completely unlike you. Every time you look at a person, your eyes get this haunted, sorrowful look.”

Vax blinked. He hadn’t realized that his friends had actually noticed his behaviour. Since the disaster with Keyleth, Pike was right in her observation that he had withdrawn into himself, sheltering his emotions more tightly than normal. Between Vex’s issues, the mess with Keyleth, and the general pressures of mounting popularity he wasn’t particularly fond of, his mind had been a mess recently. Pike’s gaze on him was gentle and soft.

“Vax, are you okay?”

He let out a long sigh. “There’s a lot going on.”

She nodded. “Of course. Do you want to talk about it?”

Vax looked down, frowning. “I don’t want to stick you with all of my problems.”

Pike touched his hand gently. “Vax, I want us to be friends. Ask Scanlan or Grog, I’m really good at listening to my friends. At the very least, let me give you a hug?”

Vax looked at her. Pike’s blue eyes were gentle and earnest and her face was open. She seemed to be completely honest and like she was prepared to be patient with him for however long he needed to discuss everything that had been going on. Vax exhaled deeply and let his shoulders hunch and his guard drop.

“I told Keyleth I loved her and she ran away.”

Pike smiled sympathetically. “Oh Vax, is that why she disappeared to Zephrah for a while?” He nodded slowly. Pike squeezed his hand. “Vax, do you know what happened to her mother?”

Vax’s eyebrows shot up. In all the time he’d known Keyleth, she’d never spoken of her mother to him. “No, I don’t.”

Pike nodded. “Well, that’s her story to tell because I don’t even know all the details. But, I know it has made her wary of relationships. You need to talk to her about that because,” Pike paused, smiling, “because I see how you look at her and I know how she looks at you. It’s special, Vax, so hold onto it.”

He let out a breathy chuckle. “I hope so,” he mumbled.

“And Vax? If you need to talk about anything else, I’m available to listen. And if not me, then talk to Vex. You guys are partners after all.”

Vax pulled Pike into a hug quickly. After a brief pause, her arms wrapped around him in return. “Thanks, Pickle.”

She giggled. “No problem,” she paused, before continuing, “Stringbean.”

Vax pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “Stringbean?”

She crossed her arms and pouted. “Hey, Pickle is a common one so I was trying to find a vegetable and you’re all long and lanky so I thought it fit.”

He chuckled. “I love it.”

She beamed. “Good, now tell me everything.”

-

Over the course of the event, Vax posed for more photos than he ever had in his life. Most of them were also with Vex, but some fans wanted individual shots of the twins. The sheer number of people that had turned up to meet Vox Machina was startling, and Vax was even more grateful to Pike for listening to his fears and for giving him a pep talk the night before. It made everything manageable.

Several of their friends had shown up in support including Gilmore, Allura, Kima, Grog, Scanlan, and Pike. Percy was on set shooting a film and couldn’t come and Keyleth had messaged Vax saying that she had just landed at LAX and was on her way directly from the airport. Scanlan, Pike, and Grog had drawn some attention, but Pike had been quick to affirm that they were simply present to support their friends and that none of them would be taking photos, questions, or signing autographs.

They were at the point in the day where Zahra and Cassandra had managed to corral all of the guests into sitting in folding plastic chairs as Vex and Vax sat on stools at the front of the room, each of them with a microphone and Vax with his acoustic plugged into a sound system. With all the eyes in the room trained on them, a dark nervousness clenched in Vax’s stomach and he stared down at his hands where they rested on the word strings of his trusted guitar.

Vex touched his arm and nodded confidently. She was smiling and Vax took a deep breath. He started strumming firmly and launched into the song.

“Do you hear me? I’m talking to you,” he sang lightly.

The crowd started cheering almost as soon as he started singing and Vax instantly looked down at his guitar as he continued to sing. Vex jumped into the song, capturing the audience’s attention. Vax managed to get through the piece by barely glancing up, and judging by the cheers of the crowd around them, it didn’t seem to matter.

After the song, he placed his guitar onto its stand and Cassandra jumped up from her chair to stand in front of the crowd beaming. “Ladies and gentlemen, you have just heard one the first live performances by Vox Machina. We at Whitestone Records are so excited to announce our partnership officially and that we’re collaborating with these incredibly talented artists to bring you Vox Machina’s music by the album. We’re going to give these two a quick break, but then we’ll bring them back to answer some questions.”

The crowd cheered and Cassandra turned to the twins, beckoning for them to follow her. She led them into a side room which was obviously a meeting room with a conference table and a minibar. Vex immediately went for the mini-fridge and pulled out two bottles of water, tossing one to Vax. Ordinarily, he would have caught it without issue, but he was still distracted and fumbled it. Vex gave him an odd look, but she didn’t have time to push it as the door to the room swung open again.

Zahra led the way inside this time, leading Pike, Grog, Kima, Allura, Scanlan, Gilmore, and lastly, looking tentative and shy, Keyleth. Vax immediately placed the water bottle on the table and strode to her side. For a brief moment he was terrified for what she would think, but she just pulled him in and hugged him tightly. She smelled like flowers and Vax knew in the moment that the awkwardness between them was put on hold for the moment.

Scanlan and Pike immediately engaged Vex in a conversation while Gilmore and Allura got chatting with Zahra and Cassandra. Vax slid his hand down Keyleth’s arm to find her hand and he squeezed it tightly. She squeezed it back before tugging him closer to the door, more out of earshot of the others.

“I got here just in time to see you sing,” she said after a moment.

Vax stared at her. “Oh, I, uh, didn’t see you.”

Keyleth brought her free hand up to his face and touched his cheek lightly. “Are you okay?”

He exhaled shakily. “I don’t know. I’ve performed in front of people before, but today something just feels off. I can’t describe it.”

Keyleth tipped her head and smiled sympathetically. “Hey, Vax, it’s okay. I’m sure no one really noticed. I mean, I only saw because,” she cut off, pausing awkwardly.

Vax gave her a half-smile. “Because you know me,” he finished.

“Alright!” Cassandra said suddenly. Vax stepped back from Keyleth quickly and looked at the label owner. “Let’s get back out there for that Q&A.”

Vax made eye contact with Keyleth one more time and she gave him a reassuring smile. The cold sensation in his stomach lessened a bit and he followed Cassandra and Vex back out to see the two hundred or some odd people who had gathered to meet Vox Machina.

-

The Q&A was fairly painless. Thanks to the screening they had done of submitted questions, most of them were related to the actual music and not Vex and Vax’s personal lives. The unsettled nervousness was lessened after Keyleth’s arrival, but it never really fully went away. Thankfully, Keyleth and their other friends had found a spot to stand at the back of the crowd almost exactly in Vax’s direct line of sight so he could look to her for a reassuring smile whenever he needed it.

The event had wrapped up pretty quickly after that, though many people lingered to try to snag one-on-one conversations or take more photos. Vax found the majority of the people were very pleasant and nice and polite. It was mostly young 20-somethings and he got more than a few compliments on his guitar playing and arranging skills.

There was one particularly pompous guy who seemed absolutely sure that Vax was some kind of professional with multiple music degrees. Vex was only too happy to reply that neither of them had received university degrees and they were both completely self-taught. The prick had stormed off in a huff after several other people laughed along with the twins.

Only about fifteen people remained in the venue, including their friends, when Vax finally managed to look for Keyleth again. She seemed to be in the middle of a heated discussion with a man in his early thirties and Vax frowned. He walked towards them and Keyleth scowled at the person she was talking to. He caught the tail end of one of her statements as he approached.

“Frankly that’s none of your business and I’m appalled you would try to ask me that,” she snapped. The man sneered, but didn’t reply as he noticed Vax approaching. Keyleth stepped around the man to stand at Vax’s side. “I’d appreciate it if you left now,” she added.

Vax folded his arms. The man didn’t move. Vax shifted his weight and levelled a heavy stare at the man. “Do I need to call security?”

“Only if you and that bitch sister of yours actually think you’re going to end up anywhere besides two twin holes in the ground,” the man snarled.

Vax and Keyleth both recoiled and only after a horrifying second of nothing, did Vax realize that the man was reaching for something on the inside of his coat. The stranger pulled his hand free and Vax lunged for him. His hands closed around the man’s wrist and over the barrel of what he discovered to be a small handgun.

Keyleth screamed behind him and he heard Vex cry out in shock from further away. Vax struggled with the man, attempting to aim the weapon upwards as the man tried to level it. For a brief moment, Vax was winning the strength contest, but then his hand slipped off the barrel and it slid downwards suddenly.

A piercing shot sounded and Vax stumbled back. The pain was sharp, unfamiliar and spreading a lot quicker than he was expecting.

Keyleth cried out and grabbed his arms, trying to keep him on his feet. There was a loud squeak of shoes as Grog full out launched into a tackle, smashing the shooter to the ground and knocking the gun free. Vax stumbled, his breaths coming faster than they should have.

“Vax!” Vex screamed. She was at his side in only a moment, but as his sister’s hands desperately clutched his left side, and Keyleth tried to hold up his right, Vax’s vision blurred.

His weight dragged them all down to the ground and the last thing he saw was the absolute terror in Vex’ahlia’s expression before his eyes slid shut and there was just silence.

[shewantedtobeasecretgirl]

4. Like a virgin a.k.a. zodiac signs, phone calls and the ways of assholeness

„Jeff, what do you think about this chord change?” I strum a few chords on my acoustic guitar. I’m working on a new idea but I feel somehow stuck, the parts won’t fit each other although I can already hear in my head that they belong together. I really appreciate Jeff’s songwriting skills; we basically crafted the musical part of Ten together so I often rely on his advice.

“Sounds cool…”

He looks distracted; his thoughts must be somewhere else.

“What do you think about Judy?” he asks out of the blue. Bingo…

“She’s a very nice girl.” Mike glances around from the magazine he’s reading.

“Yeah, she’s cute.” Dave agrees dropping a chewing gum into his mouth.

We’re sitting around the table of the tour bus. The drivers needed a break so we have an hour before setting off again. I feel in my legs that I should take a walk but this new maybe-song doesn’t leave me alone tickling my hands to finish it.

“So I thought I could connect the bridge with the last chorus somehow this way…” I play the same chords again.

“I like this version better” Jeff remarks still staring with glazed eyes.

“Because it was exactly the same as the previous one!” I roll my eyes impatiently.

“We should do something together with her to help her get integrated into the team.” I could have thought; he didn’t even hear what I played…

“Since when has that chick been our only topic?” I start drumming with my fingers on the guitar.

“Stone, what’s wrong with you? She’s already in the crew, even if you’re not willing to communicate with her.” Mike frowns at me.

“Should I perform a dance of joy? You know my opinion; I won’t pretend to be happy about her. But I don’t want to be a real jerk with her either so I rather avoid communication…”

“Speaking of dance, I would be interested in that performance, I’ve never seen you dancing unless we consider your awkward choreography in Stockholm a dance!” Mike grins.

“And you never will, not in this lifetime, ‘Cready. As for Stockholm, it was an emergency situation, my guitar got fucked up, should I have stand there like a puppet?” I hiss between my teeth.

“Maybe it would have been better for mankind… Seriously Stone, what’s you problem with her? Okay, maybe she’s too shy but she seems lovely and if we got to know each other better…”

“On one hand, she hasn’t shown anything from her professional skills. If she screwed something up while we’re playing a gig, her loveliness would be a screen door on a submarine. One the other hand, she’s no big deal. Karrie talked about a smart, funny girl so I expected someone cooler, not someone who dresses like a nun, behaves like a nun and can’t form complete sentences. If she was a babe at least…”

“Hey, she can form sentences!” Jeff defends her not noticing how ridiculously his objection sounds.

“Seriously, I’d bet she’s still a virgin!” I announce the verdict. And in this moment a short figure appears from the hallway of the bus.

“Hi guys!” Speak of the devil…

“Hi Judy!” my bandmates greet her in unison.

“Good morning, Judith!” I add with the most plastic smile I can flash. She raises an eyebrow but her usual expression – a special mixture of indifference and boredom – doesn’t change.

“Karrie sent me…” she starts. Does she really think that she needs an explanation to enter our bus? Unbelievable… “She needs bandage on her knee but she can’t find her own one in her bag, Jeff, could you lend yours?”

“Sure! I have to look for it at first but I’ll take it to her, just a few minutes, okay?” Jeff immediately becomes more animated. That’s interesting…  

“What’s that smell? Is someone hiding a bar here?” she sniffles grimacing. I glance at Mike for a second who stares at her and then at me as if he had seen a ghost. I try to hold back a grin and look back at him with a deadpan.

“Songwriting in progress?” her eyes wander curiously at my guitar. I should rather finish the song instead of having this chit-chat…

“No, I’m just stroking my guitar, it gets jealous if I don’t touch it regularly. Actually, we were talking right about you!” I glance around and enjoy the frightened faces of the others. Let the show begin! “We were wondering if you were a vir…”

“A Virgo!” Mike cuts in unnecessarily loudly.

“Ehhe, ehhe, eeeeehhhhe!” Dave begins to cough intensively at the same time; maybe he swallowed his chewing gum…

“Ouch!” Jeff exclaims joining the cacophony.

“Or Pisces?” Mike asks innocently.

“I choked on my own drool.” Dave shrugs smiling.

“I banged my elbow against the table.” Jeff rubs his elbow with an exaggeratedly painful hiss.

“I don’t believe in astrology…“ she glares us suspiciously. At least she’s not a freaky new age chick… “But I’d better go back to Karrie before my bad karma leads to more disasters…” she adds ironically and turns on her heels. Jeff leans back and follows her with his eyes and in the second she’s left the bus he attacks me.

“Are you a fuckin’ idiot? How could you ask such…”

“Calm down Jeffrey, just for the record, I only wanted to ask her if she was a virtuous girl!” I beam at him flashing all my teeth.

“Oh fuck, Stone, I almost got a heart attack!” Mike presses his hands onto his chest. “We should make her somehow forget this scene before she thinks that we’re psychos who happen to be taking part in a music therapy… I mean, not that we aren’t… but just for show…”

“Mike, my child, I can’t follow you. You want me to communicate with her and when I do it, everybody treats me like a public enemy…”

“We talked about throwing a room party on Sunday since we have a day-off right on Mike’s birthday. What if we extended it to a Mike’s Birthday and Welcome Judy Party? Maybe we could finally have a normal conversation with her… Of course if you don’t mind, Mikey…” Jeff ignores my reaction.

“You mean, you could have a conversation with her… Jeff, are you kidding? Mike, do you want to celebrate your birthday with an afternoon tea? Because that’s all you can expect from Miss Innocence…”

“Afternoon tea in the evening? Stone, don’t confuse me, please! Oh, sorry, sarcasm is your cup of tea…” Very funny, Mike… “I like the idea, anyway, I’m not selfish; I share my party gladly with her. And you can’t complain, because it’s my birthday. Yass, watching your annoyed face will be my best birthday present ever!”

“Stone, that seems settled to me. But you can skip it and stay pouting in your room, no one will miss you! I’m out!” Jeff shrugs and walks back to his bunk.

So here we are. An evening rosary with Sister Judith on Mike’s birthday. Excellent.

***

I’m heading to the payphone in the café of the gas station and I’m still pondering about the last conversation in the bus. The guys acted very weird; somehow things always get very weird when Stone and I engage in any form of communication. Actually, we haven’t even talked yet; he hasn’t even shown the faintest signs of interest when I tried to get to know him. And this first, quite odd attempt of his got interrupted by the not less odd reactions of the guys…

I have two calls to make; at first I dial our number in Seattle. After a few rings I hear the beeping of the answering machine, Effie probably hasn’t got home yet.

“Hi Mom, hi Ef… it’s me, Judy, and I only wanted to let you know that… ooooh, ooooh, I’m still alive…”

I must have sung too loudly since as I glance around, I see a few customers staring at me suspiciously.

“…aaaand, thank you for accepting my application for “Sing the Billboard” contest, I really appreciate your kindness!” I tweet and I hang up the phone quickly. After changing meaningful looks the customers finally turn back to their beverages so I earn back my privacy by the time I start to dial the other number.

“Curtis Management.” I immediately recognize Krisha’s friendly voice although she sounds very official on the phone.

“Hi Krisha, it’s Judy. You know, you made me promise to call you as I can…”

“Hi girl, how are you doin’?”

“I’m okay, thanks. I’m not used to night shifts so I’m a little bit tired but otherwise I’m fine.”

“Aaand, how was the gig? Did you like it?” she asks excited as if she was asking me about the newest gossips.

“It was… dynamic. I mean, how can they play with the same intensity every night despite having been on the road for months? I see the signs of stress and exhaust on them but as they step on the stage, they turn into human tornados… But hey, you didn’t warn me about Eddie’s suicide actions...”

“Well, hehe… that’s a thing we don’t like to talk about… I mean… in the beginning he was very shy but not much later he started to channel his energies into his performances… and you saw the result. Every single member of the team is worrying about his crazy, random ideas and we’ve tried to talk him out of them but he doesn’t listen to us, not even to Beth…”

“That’s weird…” And selfish, but as the newest member of the staff I keep my opinion for myself.

“And can you get along with your roadie tasks?”

“I’ve already learned how to dismount the gear, you know, destruction is always easier than construction… and Karrie showed me a few things, but she doesn’t want to spill everything on me in one day…”

“Yeah, step by step is always a good strategy. I hope… No, nothing… ”

“What? What did you want to ask?”

“Uhm… no… nothing… or… I just wanted to say that I hoped the guys treated you well… You know, being in a company that consists almost only of men is not easy for a young woman… of course they aren’t sexist jerks but they always tease each other with pranks, dirty jokes and so on… Karrie has already got used to it, but you…”

“No, they are very kind and helpful…”with certain exceptions…“… and Eric is very protective of me, he’s like the goofy dad of the team. And I’m not a nun either…”

“Yeah, Eric is great at keeping everything under control without making you feel being controlled. You can turn with literally anything to him so if you need something just let him know… Or call me, I offer my services as a secret ally…” it’s like I can see her winking at me.

“Thanks, I like secret alliances… I’m going to find out a secret handshake for us.”

“And I’m going to send you nonsense fake encoded messages when talking with the guys only to make them believe that we’re members of a powerful secret society. As curious they are, they’d spend hours decoding them…”

“I’m in, I like that! But, uhm, I have one another call to make, so…”

“Okay, okay, just one more question! How… how is Stone?” she asks very cautiously. Pff…  okay, she was right with that supernatural skill thing… why is she asking right me? Of course they are friends, but why can’t she ask him? “Judy, can you hear me?”

“Something is wrong with the line… What did you ask?”

“I asked you about Stone. How is he doing?”

“Uhm… he’s… he’s okay… I guess… the thing is that we haven’t talked much yet but as far as I can see, he’s fine…”

“Great! If he’s fine, that’s fine... uhm… I leave you alone, make that another call and take care of yourself! Bye Judy!”

“Bye Krish!”

I dial again our number and this time I have more luck.

“Camden.”

“Hi Sis, it’s me!”

“Judy!!! It’s so good to hear you! What the hell was that weird message you left a few minutes ago?” she jabbers without taking a breath.

“Nevermind… how are you? Any good news from the hospital?”

“No, nothing special, only the usual visits three times a week. But let’s not talk about me; I want to know everything from the moment you set foot in Cleveland!”

“Well, being in a rock band’s staff is not as exciting as you think…” I know that she’s dying for the details, especially about the reception of her little present but I want to tease her a bit.

“JUDITH EMILIA CAMDEN, SERIOUSLY, DON’T PISS ME OFF!!!” she screams with such volume that I almost drop the receiver.

“Okay… let’s start with the gig. It was a-ma-zing. I can’t wait being really a part of it, you know, at least as a support member of the team. They play with so much energy! I’ve never seen anything like this before. You have to see them once too, you would lose your mind!”

“Finally! I haven’t heard you being so excited about anything for months, I’m glad you started leaving the spinster lifestyle behind…”

“Spinster??? Excuse me? Well thanks, if you go on like this, I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything more…” I threaten her. “Anyway, I don’t have time for telling you all the details, we set off soon… all in all, everybody is kind, the team is full of nice people, with certain exceptions, though…”

“Certain exceptions? Is there someone there who’s not a nice person?”

“No, no… I mean… everybody is very tired, some of them might be in a bad mood but that’s totally understandable… But I haven’t even asked yet how Mom and Granny are?”

“Mom is tired, as always… the old terrorists who she calls her clients keep finding out more and more ways to drive her crazy. And Granny calls every day pestering us with uncomfortable questions, very surprisingly about your nutrition habits.”

“Haha, please reassure her that I’m going to eat a half pork for lunch. Only a half because the other half of it could escape. And tell her that between gigs I collect berries and roots with Karrie and Beth, Eddie’s girlfriend, while the boys are hunting. Okay, Mike and Stone are only decoys, their body structure makes them suitable only for that role… or rather unsuitable for any other role. But I rather shut my mouth, I should go…”

"No, you can't hang up! We haven't even talked about the most interesting things yet!" she cuts me off quickly.

"Like...?"

"Like for example whether you've used your tape recorder yet!"

"Nope... working on my ideas is sooo problematic regarding the circumstances... I miss my piano, it would be quite difficult to use only my tuning fork and ears since I don't own a guitar either so..." I whine.

"Judy!!! You're touring with a goddamn rock band, and you're only excuse is not having a guitar? Then borrow one from the guys!" I have to hold the receiver away from my ears due to her vehement reaction.

"Hm... Maybe... After all, they carry their acoustic guitars everywhere with themselves, maybe I could ask Jeff or Mike..." I hesitate.

"Or Stone..." she adds.

"Pff... Stone...'course..." I snort ironically.

"Why not? What's wrong with him? Krisha told he was a nice guy!"

"Well, nice is a relative attribute. He's a nice guy in comparison to Ivan the Terrible or Jack the Ripper."

"But you said a few seconds ago that they were kind people!"

"Kind people with certain exceptions. He's the exception. He's an asshole with me. In the beginning I wasn't sure if he even noticed my existence but now I'm convinced that he ignores me intentionally. Or when not, he acts so strangely, it's difficult to describe it... He's not openly hostile but he isn't friendly either. I can't solve him, all I know is that I don't like him. I hate him. Actually... he's an asshole with everyone, so..." While I’m spitting out my impressions about him the fingers of my right hand start playing with the phone cord.

"Then being ignored by him might be better than not..."

"I don't know. He targets everyone with his caustic remarks but he's not offensive at the same time, he doesn't really hurt them. It's like a very annoying way of care. And, what’s more, he’s insane. He talks to himself while playing the riffs during the gigs and rehearsals."

“Maybe you’re wrong, maybe he’s just…”

“I saw it with my own two eyes! Trust me, he has a screw loose.” I declare irrevocably.

"First an asshole, then insane… I'm not sure I can follow you... Let's sum it up: there's this guy..."

"Don't call him "this guy"!"

"Why? He's a guy, isn't he?" she asks back impatiently.

"Yes but you emphasized his gender as if it had been relevant but I'm not interested in him..."

"Okay, then there's this young, male specimen of..."

"Don't use the..." I cluck in.

"Shut up, Judy! So there's this young, male specimen of homo sapiens who's an asshole with you, therefore you don't like him." she explains me in the style of a kindergarten teacher.

"Exactly." I nod totally unnecessarily seeing as she can’t see me.

"But he's an asshole with everyone, only in a different way."

"Yep."

"And you want him to be an asshole with you in that different way."

"Kinda."

"And if he was an asshole with you in the desired way, then you would like him."

"Desired? What... No!!!" I protest.

"Then what?"

"I would still hate him but I wouldn't feel being discriminated at least."

"Judy?"

"Yes?"

"You should have your brain checked."

"Thank you so much! I've always known that I can count on you at solving my problems."

"I don't think that this Stone guy would cause a big problem for you. You're smart, fire back with a few witty remarks and he will realize you're not the person he wants to fuck with. Or do you want him to be the person who he wants to fuck with?" I can hear her grinning. I'm going to kill you, Ef, I swear. I feel my index finger numbing and as I glance at it, I notice that I rolled the phone cord so tightly around it that its color has turned into something between purple and dark blue.

"Could we drop this fuck topic?" I try to untangle my finger nervously.

"Sure. Did you found the condoms?" she chuckles.

"Hahaha, I knew you couldn't help asking it!" I laugh. "Yes, thanks, I found the condoms” I scream the last word in Granny’s voice “but I doubt I would need them..."

"Do you think Granny's concerns aren't realistic?"

"Hehe, not at all... and you know my famous luck, if I met a guy, I probably should rather use the Golden Rule." I confess resigned.

"I almost forgot Granny's Golden Rule! And it's so much funnier to hear it from you! Your Granny impersonation is the best of all times... Please, Granny, tell me the Golden Rule!"

"I can't, I'm in the diner of a gas station!" I hiss glancing around and counting the customers who could possibly hear me.

"Please!" she begs.

"No way!"

"Please!!!"

"Okay... but only because you asked me so nicely." I clear my throat. "Effie, my darling, if you see a man showing his organ, scream as loud as you can, run away and call the police!" I imitate Granny's voice.

"Ahahahah... that was hilarious! I miss you, you idiot!"

"I miss you too, other idiot! But now I really have to go, I send hugs and kisses for the whole family!"

"Take care of yourself, be good… or not, be bad! Verry bad. And hugs for Karrie!"

"I’ll see what I can do. Bye, Ef!”

“By, Sis.”

As I hang back the receiver I stay standing at the phone for a moment and let out a deep sigh. As I turn back I almost bump against the chest of someone tall who has probably been standing behind my back for a while, waiting for the phone.

“Sorry!” I jump back with a startled short scream. Wait… I know that sweater… As I crane my neck to see the head belonging to the person, I recognize Stone in front of me. He stares me with his usual, nonchalant facial expression dipping both hands deeply in his pockets. So the guy’s got green eyes… greener than I could ever get used to… Jesus, how long might he have stood behind me? My brain desperately analyzes the possible scenarios in a fragment of a second. Could he hear the asshole part? Or only the insane part? The fuck… the condoms… Granny… FUCK!!!

“So… I guess, Virgo, huh?” he utters slowly raising his eyebrows questioningly. Or rather quizzically? Shit, he must have definitely heard the Granny part.

“I have to go.” I mutter sidestepping and storm out of the building.

***

“Curtis Management.”

“Hi Krisha!”

“Stoney, hi, how are you?”

“Thanks, everything’s fine, I’m just calling to ask you to send me that fax with the details of our SNL appearance. I lost my copy but I don’t feel like confessing to Eric that something’s missing again.” I explain unwillingly.

“Okay, I’ll send you but you’re unbelievable, you know? If you keep being so absent-minded, one day you’ll lose your own head… Of course only if you don’t lose it at one of the gigs as an unwanted side-effect of head bobbing!” she chuckles.

“…said my so-called friend.”

“Ah, so in your interpretation friendship means to swallow my critical remarks about you and bearing your teasing the shit out of me without a word?”

“No, you see that completely wrong, ‘course you can use words! You just have to laugh at my jokes and reassure me regularly how funny I am!” I grin.

“Not that you need self-esteem boost… Anyway, you said everything’s fine so does that mean that Judy was a good choice?” I can’t believe that, this Judy mania follows me everywhere.

“I don’t know, you should ask the others.”

“Because…?”

“Because… all I know about her is that eighty percent of her vocabulary consists of saying “sorry”. Or maybe more but I would need a hearing aid to understand the remaining twenty percent.”

“Or maybe you should spare your poor Marshall. Interesting, I had meaningful conversations with her, I mean, when she came to the interview…”

“She’s… small and… annoying. She follows Karrie everywhere like a duckling and moves so quietly as if she were spying, I can’t stand that…”

“And what about her famous, excellent ears?” she keeps torturing me.

“Dunno… her hair cover them all the time.” Maybe nonsense answers make her change the topic of the conversation.

“You’re impossible. And how’s Ed voice doing? Eric mentioned he struggled more and more with it.”

Yass. I succeeded.

“I don’t know… we should figure out something… Obviously he shouldn’t sing for weeks at least but that’s not an option right now. You know, he doesn’t listen to anyone…”

“I know.” she sighs but I know her, she keeps being concerned without talking about it. “Oh, and Mike’s birthday? You won’t forget it, will you?”

“Of course we won’t, Mom.” I answer slackly. “Eric is to order a cake and we’re organizing also a birthday party for him. Although it’s probably just a question of semantics, we’re probably going to have only a few beers, maybe smoke some pot, and that’s all…”

“You don’t sound enthusiastic. Hey, it’s about Mike, your friend or what…”

“I know… it’s just…” No, I’m not gonna whining like a five-year-old again. “Nothing, I’m just tired but you’re right. Mike deserves to have a cool birthday. But, uhm, if you don’t mind, I should call Amber too…”

“Amber, of course… But I almost forgot that I have a message for Judy, could you deliver it?”

“For Judith? Okay… Let me hear it.” Since when have they been confidantes?

“Okay, but repeat it her word for word, okay? It’s very important.”

“Mkay…” I mumble although I’m not convinced about the importance of anything that relates to that chick.

“Okay, so… the Russians are already in the pantry.” she utters pausing for a second between the words.

“What?” I must have misheard it.

“The Russians are already in the pantry.”

No, I don’t have problems with my ears, but she has definitely serious problems with her brain.

“Krisha… carefully with acid, okay? If bad trips keep repeating, you should look for a new dealer…” I joke to cover how uncomfortable I feel. It is usually me who tells insider jokes all the time; I’m not used to the role of the dumb listener.

“Haha, thanks, I’m absolutely straight!” That’s I’m afraid of too. “Now go and call your sweetheart. Bye, Stoney!”

“Bye!”

I’m still trying to make out the message while I’m dialing Amber’s number.

“Amber Foster.” she answers right after the first ring.

“Hi babe, it’s me.”

“Baby! I didn’t think you’d call me today!” her voice sounds huskier than usual.

“You sound like you have a sore throat, are you okay?”

“That depends… the nastiest kind of hangover.” she giggles. “Last night we went partying with the girls and some guys invited us for a cocktail. And other guys to other cocktails… Hanging out with single girls always pays off.” she laughs.

I’m not really surprised, she’s a gutsy girl, that’s why she impressed me when we met for the first time. I mean, when a tall, long blond-haired girl with a spectacular chest structure comes over to you and declares that you want to buy a drink for her, you won’t start searching for counter-arguments… I like it better when I have to work for the targeted person, though, I have a thing for stubborn girls but I wasn’t a complete idiot either to miss such an opportunity. And partying without me is her constitutional right; I’m okay with that, I’ve done basically the same for months since we started touring.

“I had a rough day at the firm, Elaine is still trying to get a rise out of me, I needed a night out.” Elaine, again. Her Cruella de Vil-like - or at least that’s how I always imagine her -, despotic boss at the fashion company she works at. “We’re working on the spring campaign and she’s like a slave driver, every time I finish a task she finds something she doesn’t like and makes me start it again from the very beginning, it’s awful…”

I can’t help but I give up following her monologue after a few words, her voice sounds as if I was listening to a tape played at double speed, being unable to grasp any information of it. I’m not proud of that but that happens to me quite often as for our conversations… not that I’m not interested in her. I stare out through the window, when I glimpse a small figure wearing that ugly, brown potato bag dress. She sits down on the curb at the parking lot and lays something, maybe a thick notebook on her knees. She pulls something out of the leg of her right doc… I crane my neck to get a better sight but I still can’t find out what she’s holding in her hand. I can see the sunlight glinting on it; it must be something made of metal. What the hell, did she steal the cutlery?

“What do you think about that?”

Oh shit, I have no idea what she’s talking about… and how long she has been talking about that who knows what… the last thing I can remember was Elaine so it must be something about her work, maybe her new ideas… maybe the colors of this season…

“Purple?” I falter finally.

“Purple? Baby, I was telling that Mark and Jessica made up again and I asked if you thought they could finally make things clear.”

Jesus, even if I had listened to the question, I wouldn’t be able answer it. I met her friends only two or three times and I don’t really feel like an insider as for the drama events of her clique.

“Who knows, maybe.” I try to play a cliché from my collection of verbal robot pilot elements.

“I don’t know, Jessica should finally realize that she won’t find a perfect match and Mark is relatively the best for her.”

Dear Jesus, I thought it was over. In the meantime Jeff takes place next to her and they get into conversation.

“Uhm, yeah, definitely. Sorry for not being a good listener, I got distracted by two homeless people who are fighting over the content of a dustbin. And somehow I have Smoke on the Water stuck in my head so I said the first word that came to mind.”

Gosh, this is so pathetic; Jeff throws himself on the first, possibly single female person he’s met in the last months apart from the backstage oriented bar pixies.

“It’s okay, baby. I’d like to talk to you longer but all I can think of right now is sleeping, I need a nap to make this splitting headache more bearable.”

“Okay, I’ll call you later Sleeping Beauty, good night!”

“Bye, my prince!”

She could have asked me at least how I was doing.

[timeisacephalopod]

Company Twitter

Random lil superfamily AU (with stony and Peter as their kid).

Tony sighs, leaning into Steve’s warmth. “We need to talk to Peter about running the company Twitter,” he says. He thought hey- Peter is young, he knows how to market to people his age, and unlike some random forty year old suburban mom of three he’ll know how to interact with the site in a way Tony’s generation just doesn’t understand. Its genius really. The problem is that Peter is a little too good at casual. Its not that SI is getting bad press, its the opposite really and people actually think its him running the Twitter account, but Peter should probably maybe not respond to people with reaction GIFs.

“What’s he doing?” Steve asks, raising an eyebrow.

He has no idea how to word Peter’s weird responses. “Okay, I’ll give you an example. So someone tweeted the company talking about some difficult customer and long story short the woman was a real jackass. Peter’s response? ‘Girl, they need to throw the entire customer out’ with a trash emoji. He can’t tell people to throw customers out,” Tony says.

“If she was a jackass to the employee they should throw the whole customer out, Tony. Workers shouldn’t have to put up with verbal abuse- Peter is right. And also hilarious,” he says, laughing a little.

“Yeah, but like people like this are the minority, right? Like this doesn’t happen a lot? I still don’t think you should tell people to throw customers out.” He has a business to run, he can’t just throw people out that’s not how things go.

When Steve starts laughing, like genuinely laughing, he figures he’s wrong about the shitty customers being in the minority. “Honey I did a brief stint in an SI call center for tech support and let me tell you nine out of ten calls are irate people pissed off that they’re too goddamn stupid to figure out the phone they got for zero down and they feel entitled to an immediate solution. I had one lady tell me three minutes was too long to find a solution. Three minutes, Tony, and half that time was verifying who she was. Shitty customers are the norm and until you work customer service you just don’t get how hard that job is.”

Tony frowns, “I don’t think its that hard. I mean in a store you’re just ringing people up basically, that’s not that difficult,” he says.

Steve gives him A Look, the one he gets when Tony has said something particularly stupid and Steve wants Tony to know how stupid what he said is. “I can guarantee you will last five minutes or less in a customer service job Tony, you’re shit with people and have no patience. Emotional labour is a person you don’t know and if you aren’t good with it you can’t do customer service well,” he says.

“I think I’d do fine,” he says, nose in the air.

Steve snorts, “yeah, let me know how many people you deal with before you think Peter’s ‘throw the entire customer out’ solution is the right one,” he says, patting Tony on the head. Which, rude, and he will prove that customer service is not that hard.

*

Peter sits with Kate, the current supervisor of the SI store Tony decided to test his customer service skills in, eating pop corn. He happens to know her from school though she’s a few years older than him and graduated last year but he couldn’t have chosen a better person for commentary than Kate Bishop. “You know he wasn’t that bad at first,” she says wistfully as Tony quickly becomes worse at trying to deal with people.

“Its been a fast devolution,” Peter agrees. Dealing with people who generally know what they’re talking about? He’s fine with that because he’s enriching existing knowledge, but a person who has no idea what they’re talking about? He’s less good with that. He and Kate have found he’s ok at explaining things to people who don’t mind listening, but has zero patience for people who don’t know what they’re talking about and think they do. And he has even less patience for people who straight up have no clue what’s going on and a device already.

Kate nods, “but watching him tell a customer that he ran a diagnostic and the problem is a user error will forever be the highlight of me working here. I wish I could get away with that,” she says.

Peter snickers, “the look on his face when that lady asked what a home button was, though.” He’s never seen Tony look like he genuinely wanted to die before but in that moment Peter watched him pray for death.

“I think his mentally shorting out when that woman locked herself out of her StarkPad for thirty years was my favorite,” Kate says.

“Not when he got annoyed when the PoS system crashed for the third time today?” he asks. Because that’s so in his Top Ten Favorite Moments list. And its so hard to choose them when Tony’s so expressive that every time someone says something stupid he basically turns into that white guy blinking meme.

“Okay that was pretty funny, but the polyester uniform tops that,” she says.

Peter laughs, “oh my god, right? How does he not know?” And he’s spent half the day whining about it being itchy.

They turn back to watching Tony, who clearly thinks the woman he’s talking to is utterly stupid, before he shakes his head. “Okay, you know what lady- I’m just going to be honest. I don’t have enough education to deal with your brand of stupid and I have two bachelor’s degrees, four masters degrees, and seven PhDs. Do you understand how absolutely-” Kate shoves him out of the way to deal with the now pissed off lady.

“Sorry, he hasn’t had his Snickers today and its made him bitchy, he’s very fired. So if I understand correctly you’re having trouble turning the device on?” she asks quickly, clearly trying to calm the woman’s nerves.

“You can’t fire me, I’m the CEO of the company,” Tony points out.

Kate gives him a look, “honey, you might be a genius inventor but you obviously aren’t good with people or you wouldn’t have told someone you just insulted you were the CEO of the company she probably hates now and I can’t blame her,” Kate says though Peter knows its for the woman’s benefit.

“You should consider yourself lucky your employees aren’t as awful as you,” the woman says, obviously vindicated though Peter is half shocked Kate didn’t get that computer tossed at her. He’s seen Ned deal with worse and with less reason to be angry.

Twenty minutes of Tony curiously watching while earning dirty looks from the woman he insulted later he lets out a noise of disbelief so loud the whole store turns to look. “I want to die,” he mumbles and Peter was wrong, his soul didn’t die earlier, it was only wounded. It only died just now.

*

Steve watches Tony throw himself on the couch in obvious despair and he turns to Peter, grinning. “Did it go as badly as I think it did?” he asks.

He nods, “he made one woman straight up abandon the company and the two thousand dollar laptop she brought in,” he says, laughing.

“She didn’t know it needed to be charged,” Tony mumbles, lifeless eyes staring forward at nothing. He frowns but Peter explains.

“Okay so she was having trouble turning the computer on but she was explaining it terribly so dad’s all ‘I’m not educated enough to deal with how stupid you are’ and Kate somehow saved his ass but then it turns out the computer wasn’t turning on because it needed to be charged and for some reason this woman didn’t realize computers need to be charged and I think dad died inside, I’m worried for him,” Peter says, giving Tony a concerned look.

Steve can’t help it, he’s had to work shitty jobs where he gets asked stupid questions his whole life until meeting Tony. Its just too good not to laugh at, the CEO of a company realizing that maybe his workers are doing a difficult job and maybe they aren’t wrong for not wanting to deal with preventable bullshit. He can’t resist laughing, its just too funny. Tony turns his dead eyed stare to him and Steve lets out a loud snort. “I’m sorry baby, its just that your suffering is hilarious and chicken soup to my previously poor soul. Now do you think your workers should be able to throw customers out?” he asks and Peter frowns, confused about the context they obviously hadn’t mentioned to him.

Tony goes back to staring at nothing. “I had someone ask what the home button was, Steve. I can’t go on living with the burden of that knowledge.”

“Well honey, now you know that your workers have to live with knowledge like that all day every day and that’s not even the stupidest thing I’ve heard as far as tech questions. Do you realize its not an easy job to deal with that now?” he asks.

“I’d throw myself off a building if I had to work that job. People who don’t know computers need to be charged shouldn’t be allowed near technology,” he mumbles.

Yeah, not false really but people who have no tech ability will always buy tech and someone has to deal with them and contrary to Tony’s previous beliefs that’s pretty difficult. “Now let your workers throw out assholes since you can’t even handle people with stupid questions let alone irate customers,” Steve says.

“Oh he did that, but mostly with insults,” Peter says. 

“And here he thought throwing people out was bad business,” Steve mumbles.

“Michelle told me about one time a woman got mad at her- she works in a fast food place- and a woman popped a squat, took a shit right there on the floor and flung it at them all. People are animals,” Peter says, looking haunted. Literally but Steve doesn’t mention that because Tony looks disgusted.

“There is no way people have done something like that in an SI store,” he says.

Steve snorts, “ten bucks says Florida has had something worse happen in its stores,” he says and Peter laughs.

“Everything weird happens in Florida,” he agrees. “Its America’s armpit.”

*

Peter sighs, “we need to ban dad from the company, I’m tired of old people tweeting the company and complaining about that time he called that woman dumb. Like yeah he was wrong but also he was right, he just shouldn’t have said it. And I can’t respond to them in meme because they don’t speak that language and I’ve issued like four apologies,” he says.

Steve laughs, shaking his head. And Tony thought Peter was the problem here. “People have tried, honey, but he’s like a cockroach- impossible to get rid of.”

“Am I going to have to do this every time he does something dumb?” he asks and Steve nods. “This is the worst job ever except maybe Michelle’s,” he mumbles.

“You get a yearly wage that’s higher than what I made for four years woking full time after I adjust for inflation, kid. And all you do is tweet and apologize when your father does what he always does. You don’t want the job I’ll take it,” he says. He knows how Twitter works and he’s sure he can talk to the youths. He manages with Peter just fine.

Peter frowns, “do you even know how to work Twitter?” he asks and Steve sighs.

“Why is it that you and Tony think I’m bad with tech, I’m not!” But they act like he’s crawled straight out of the nineteen forties or something.

“Pa, you can’t even figure out the coffee machine,” Peter says and Steve throws his hands up.

“Tony made that damn thing too complicated! Coffee is supposed to be simple but you have to hit like five hundred buttons to get the damn thing to work!”

“There are only three buttons on the machine, pa, the problem is you. Please stay away from the company Twitter, the only thing worse for SI than dad is you. I love you both but no.”

[rocknvaughn]

You should go to the psychiatrist if you are obsessed with an actor who doesn't know that you exist and really doesn't care. You are an adult who thinks that tv series or film is a reality, spends too much time on thinking about younger man who lives on different continent and will never talk to you on his free will, because fans of your kind are dangerous. My name is Kate and yours? You will not tell, because frankly you are as secretive as most of the people on internet.

Well, Kate, I would say that it is nice to meet you, but that would be impossible, since we’ve never met. (Not to mention a lie, because you’re kind of a b*tch.) 

Which is why the verbal abuse you’ve been spouting at me is utter bullshit. 

The fact of the matter is that you don’t know me. You only know the few things that you’ve gleaned about me from here and from Twitter, and even that information is faulty. 

But wait...let’s put it all out here, so people can see just how lovely a person you really are: 

So, let’s take all these accusations one at a time, shall we?

1. Are you insane? The answer to that would be, why no, no I’m not; thanks for asking.

2. Did you ever think why United Agents are ignoring your tweets to them? Actually, no, I haven’t wondered this at all. I’ve only directly tweeted to them a couple of times over the years, and at least half of those interactions were simply to inform them about people who were impersonating Colin online. I don’t bombard them with tweets; they have better things to do with their time, and frankly, so do I.

3.  You are a psychofan/you should go to a psychiatrist... Well, that’s a hell of a statement to say to someone you’ve never met. And I assume you have some sort of degree that would qualify you to determine who does and who does not need psychiatric help? No? Didn’t think so... *eyeroll*

4. You are disrespectful/a liar. Disrespectful to whom? To Colin, who--by your own description--doesn’t know me and doesn’t care? To other people in the fandom? To people who are randomly abusive to me online? I’m afraid you’d need to be much more specific for that accusation to hold any weight.

5. You are acting like you know Colin, but you don’t and you never will. I have never, ever suggested that I know Colin, save for the thirty seconds where he signed my programme at stage door in 2013. I told him I thought the play was fantastic and he said, “Cheers, thanks a million!” and moved on. Did my amazing presence make an indelible impression on the Irishman in question? *snorts* Not hardly!

That being said, I am assuming this part of the tirade has to do with my remarks both here and on Twitter about Colin’s likelihood to attend Merlin-related Comic Cons or do stage door visits at the theatre when he appears at the National Theatre this summer. 

While I obviously don’t know the man personally, there is some empirical evidence that I use to support my thoughts on the matter. I’ve explained those reasons already, so I don’t see any purpose to rehashing that here. But, for example, if you want to see for yourself how uncomfortable Colin tends to be at stage door, I suggest you search out some of the videos taken from when he was doing Mojo. Personally, those videos make me cringe. 

6. Actors act, they are not the characters they play. Wow...thank you for pointing that out, because clearly, even at my advanced age, I had no idea what the word “actor” meant. /sarcasm

7. You are over forty years old, you are not a child. And your point is...? I’m not allowed to admire a person’s God-given talent or appreciate a handsome man’s looks because I am old and decrepit? You do realize that Colin is 32 years old, right? That means he’s not a child, either. In fact, he might just be closer to my age than he is to yours!

8. You are obsessed with an actor who doesn't know that you exist and really doesn't care. Wait...isn’t that the literal definition of being in a fandom? *eyeroll*

I relatively obsessively follow Colin’s career, yes that’s true. He does technically know I exist, as he’s actually met me, although I would never expect that he’d remember. I would hazard a guess that he cares about me insomuch as he appreciates his fans’ support, but nothing more. I don’t think I am “special” to him in any way, shape, or form, as you seem to be implying. I am firmly set in reality when it comes to that fact. 

9. You are an adult who thinks that tv series or film is a reality. Another incredible accusation, seeing as we’ve never met.  I’d like to know where you got this frankly mad idea, (actually, no I wouldn’t because I don’t care) as it is blatantly untrue. I am well aware of what is reality and what is not, although you are starting to make me wonder about your grip on it.

Also, you do know that some of the characters Colin has played were real life people, right? There’s this thing called research. I might suggest you do some before you go around randomly accusing people of insanity.

 10. You spend too much time on thinking about younger man who lives on different continent and will never talk to you on his free will. Again with the ageism. What exactly is your problem with my age in comparison to Colin’s? You do realise that Colin attracts fans of all ages, genders, etc. because that is what happens when someone is a gifted artist.

Also, I was unaware that there was a formula somewhere that determined how much time devoted to a fandom was too much time. Please, enlighten me as to its whereabouts so that I may avail myself of its mystical powers! (

I have no idea whether Colin would ever speak to me of his own free will, seeing, as you so rightfully pointed out, we live on different continents. Nor do I have any particular interest in trying to make that happen as he has much better things to do than to talk to me. But my point here is: neither do you know what he would do, so STFU, if you please. 

11. Fans of your kind are dangerous. Fans of what kind, exactly? What is it about me that are you terming dangerous: My interest in the man's projects and being willing to find and broadcast information about his career? My enjoyment of reading or writing the occasional fan fiction? My propensity for collecting memorabilia? My interest in his wardrobe? My steel trap of a mind that holds a multitude inconsequential Colin-related details? My willingness to travel to see his live performances whenever possible? My ability to determine and appreciate his physical attractiveness?

I think those things make me a curiousity at best, but not in the least bit dangerous. And if you actually knew me, this would be obvious.

In contrast, I don’t imagine that I have any sort of place in the man’s life. I don’t expect that I am special to him in any way. I don’t send him love letters or believe that “we are meant to be” or any of that hogwash. I haven’t tried to cut off a lock of his hair or follow him home. I don’t send him tonnes of presents, hoping he’ll notice me. And I don’t think that he owes me anything (besides his body of work) because I am his fan. 

He is a grown man that has his own private life completely apart and separate from mine, and I have no illusions about that.  

12. My name is Kate and yours? You will not tell, because frankly you are as secretive as most of the people on internet. First of all, there are reasons why people are secretive on the Internet...one of them being ignorant and rude people like you. 

Secondly, if your name is actually Kate, then mine might as well be Rasputin...because it’s just that meaningless. You could have literally picked that name out of a hat, since you are just as anonymous as “Kate” as you were after your first anonymous bashing. 

Obviously, you missed the point I was making in my last post, so let me be perfectly clear: it was that if you want to make rude, obnoxious, bullying comments about a person you don’t know, then come out with your screen name attached and OWN your statements. Let people see what kind of an arsehole you really are...but you won’t do that, will you?

Clearly, you have some sort of ax to grind with me. I’ve pissed you off in some way and you’ve decided to come at me like a coward by spamming my inbox with anonymous bashing. Apparently you expected me to be so ashamed that I would curl up, hide and just take the abuse. Well, good luck with that, because I have balls of solid steel and you can kiss my arse. 

Your five minutes are up, and I don’t feed the trolls. Rockn out. 

[daniloqp]

Help! How can I accept that I am exhausted?

Help! How can I accept that I am exhausted?

https://theministerofcapitalism.com/blog/help-how-can-i-accept-that-i-am-exhausted/

Dear OOO,

I’ve been going through the mobiles of my work for a few months now. For a while, I couldn’t understand what was going on, because I’ve always liked my job and had been excited to do it, but when I started reading all these stories about burnout it hit me: that’s what I’m experimenting. . I work in the media, so I’m not saving lives, but it’s been a stressful year amid the pandemic, the financial pressures on my company, the difficulty of working from home with children and the challenges of managing people who are also burned out. . out. I’ve talked to my boss about it, which I like. He encouraged me to take another week off, which I did. Now that I’m back at work, though, I still feel burned out. I can’t stop working, because I am the source of health insurance for my family, so how can I cure myself?

“Katie.”

OOO

Surviving the age of the #WFH

Need help navigating the ever-remote life? Ask OOO a mail@wired.com.

Stories about burnout, you say? Have there been any stories about burnout this year? I guess I remember one thought or two, a historical look, some curiously framed trend pieces, a great report feature, i Oh my goodness lots of how stories. (I’ve repressed at least a dozen others; it’s actually illegal to send more.) Almost everyone made me feel something on the spectrum between annoying and furious, either because they were despised or overconfident or because the suggested solutions made no sense.

For a while I kept getting alerts from Google News by my name because, as a person quit my job in April 2021 and I made the mistake of using the word b in my tweet, I somehow became a data point for a handful of these stories, albeit exactly zero of their writers they asked me for comments. I am so exhausted in Burnout Discourse that I have ignored several questions about burnout presented in this same column. I also ignored several friends who suggested I write about burnout instead of just arguing about how others got it wrong. I literally received a request to participate in a panel on burnout as you type this column.

At one point, frustrated by another bad burnout article, I deleted a bunch of spicy tweets and instead decided to channel my energy into the setup. office hours for journalists who need free training. I have since done about 50 of these sessions and the word burnout has appeared in at least 40 of them. As bad as I think Burnout Speech is, me too recognizes that there is a real problem here. So here we are, in my last column of OhO tips, and I’ve finally dropped it.

One thing I’ve noticed about people’s descriptions of their own burnout is that they tend to list all the reasons they don’t “deserve” to feel burned out. A woman who had been out of college for a few years was basically working all day writing articles that she found tremendously unsatisfactory, but she was embarrassed to say she was exhausted. exhaustion, because he felt he hadn’t been working hard enough to qualify. One boy apologized for using the word because he was being paid a high salary by media standards. And you, Katie, feel compelled to qualify your legitimate stressors by establishing that your work is not as important as health workers.

All this hesitation, though, is shit, and shit that makes our lives worse. Being burned is no bewildered badge of honor. That means you don’t have to win it. But when people are repeated over and over again through silly articles and even sillier tweets, the burnout isn’t “real” or doesn’t apply to white-collar workers or they’re too young to know what it is. real suffering, they are inclined to bottle up and delegitimize their feelings instead of taking concrete steps to change their circumstances. And yes, of of course the word has become a problem that means very different things to different people, but this is a feature, not a mistake. Part of the reason it was weird to see my own experience being used in all of these stories was that people were making assumptions about what “burnout” looked like to me and therefore making judgments accordingly, with no idea. . (Never tweet, that’s what I say).

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