#cursed commerical

[squideo]

How Crusha Crushed It with The Crusha Kittens Advert

In this series, Squideo has examined the best ways to turn advertising content into gold. Now that we’ve broken down the eight key ingredients, it’s time to dive deep into some examples of stellar advertising. This week, the advert in question was picked by Squideo’s Production Manager Callum Major.

When asked why this particular advert had become his favourite of all time, Callum said: “I remember the advert from when I was younger, when I’d see it on TV all the time. It’s so whacky and bizarre! It's so bad it's good!”

The Artistocrusha

Crusha is a brand of milkshake mix, which recently started selling desserts as part of its range. It may be a surprise that Crusha dates back to 1955, when it was managed by British Sugar. The branding that you may associate with Crusha didn’t come about, however, until late 2001 when it came under the control of a British Sugar subsidiary: Silver Spoon. British Sugar, which has been owned by Associated British Foods since 1991, effectively owns all the sugar produced in the United Kingdom.

Over the next two years, Silver Spoon worked to redevelop the Crusha brand in order to appeal to a new audience. This included a new logo and the adoption of cats as the brand mascot, despite most adult cats being lactose intolerant.

Crusha in Boots

In 2003, the first advert for the revitalised Crusha was released. The mastermind behind this eye-catching advert was Joel Veitch of RealGood, a web animator and singer-song writer, who has been responsible for several high-profile pieces of work including the 2012 animated television special Uncle Wormsley’s Christmas.

The advert is a story of mixed success. Later in 2003, the same year the advert was released, Crusha became involved in a scandal when it’s owners discovered that a batch of faulty Crusha milkshakes had gone out to retailers. Instead of notifying the retailer, Tesco, British Sugar decided to send workers into the store and buy as many of the 580 affected bottles as they could. Tesco realised what was happening and removed the stock, creating a negative press story that undid some of the advert’s impact.

To add insult to injury, the advert was eventually banned from British television by Ofcom in 2004 after several people attempted to recreate the advert with real cats. One man was ultimately arrested for the mistreatment of animals. That didn’t stop Crusha putting out an additional advert by Veitch in 2008, this time with the cats in a gym. Eventually the brand moved away from the visual style of Veitch’s work, but the cat has remained a feature in all their adverts; fully animated since 2014.

Veitch’s animations were so popular in the 2000s, that after Coca Cola recreated aspects of his work – for a 2007 advert that ran in Argentina – he launched a lawsuit against the company. They eventually reached a settlement. Coca Cola had used his band’s song Ninja in a video full of kittens. Not exactly a subtle rip-off.

The Crusha King

Compared to the technical complexities that went into creating Cadbury’s Gorilla advert, which we explored earlier in this series, the process for making the Crusha Kittens advert was relatively straightforward. After all, no one had to travel across the world to find the right gorilla costume. Crusha Kittens wasn’t a major production, so why does it have such a lasting legacy? The advert regularly makes the lists of iconic British adverts and the song lives in the memories of many early noughties children.

Mental Music

The last two adverts broken down in the Advert Alchemy series, Gorilla and The Little Duckling, used existing music in their videos. Crusha Kittens, however, features an original song. It’s a short song, only four lines total, yet it has the overwhelming power of an earworm – guaranteed to make you sing “I want some Crusha” for days on end.

Since the video opens with several cats holding instruments, including an accordion, music was essential to the plot. Since the advert is aimed at children – who will convince their parents to buy the product – the song also had to be simple enough for them to memorise and Veitch definitely delivered when he composed this doozy.

Cute Cat

Even if you’re too young to remember the early days of the internet, scrolling through any social media platform in this day and age will prove this to be true: kittens are always cute. The Crusha Kittens advert predates the cat memes that society has grown to love in the 2020s, but even in 2003 it was well known that children like animals, and cats are a type of animal.

While none of the animals in the video are emphasised for cuteness (in fact some people state the cows gave them nightmares), by adding anthropomorphic features like holding instruments and wearing hats, and singing in an unexpectedly deep voice, the creators of this advert definitely understood the audience they were targeting: kids.

Ancient Animation

In a world of apps that deliver top-quality and relatively inexpensive video production tools, the Crusha Kittens advert may seem terribly outdated. Like something that was mocked up on Photoshop and Microsoft Paint. But to audiences in 2003, that was the beauty of the advert.

Crusha Kittens ran during the 4pm to 6pm timeslot, most popular with advertisers targeting a child audience. In 2003, Crusha Kittens was typically airing between Capri Sun and Nickelodeon adverts. Their competitors were producing live-action or 2D animated videos. Crusha Kittens stood out because it didn’t use this format, and it made something that could be recreated by people at home.

Content Worth Gold

What do you think? What made Crusha Kittens so successful? Watch the full advert below and let us know in the comments.

Get in touch with the Squideo team today to find out how we can improve your advertising strategy with video production, motion graphics, social media management and much more!

[macfrog]

mile high sex on fire chapter three

we're going overseas baby! (this is gonna be a three-parter cause i hyperfixated and couldn't stop myself so BUCKLE UP) author's note: i absolutely do NOT condone the use of private jets. they are GROSS and terrible for the environment and just fucking fly commerical ok? but in this ceo!joel ficland, private jets are fuelled by delusion and emit only clean, pure oxygen. thank you for reading. now, with that in mind, please enjoy reader being railed in a plane cabin. i love u all to paris n back 🤍🥐

pairing: ceo!joel x fem!reader

summary: you accompany joel on a work trip to paris, to eat good food, drink expensive wine, and…get to know each other a little better

warnings: 18+ (minors dni!!!) environmental crime, plane sex, fingering, handjob, unprotected piv sex, daddy kink, joel being a fucking exhibitionist menace, creampie, more gf representation, showering together, softdom!joel, sugardaddy!joel, heavy on the flirting, age gap (reader is late 20s, joel late 40s), cursing, very ridiculous spending on very ridiculous things, workplace relationship and therefore odd power dynamic yadda yadda yadda

word count: 6.3k

series masterlist | main masterlist | playlist

Joel’s fingers squeeze your hips, his pace quickens even more. “Louder.” “They’re gonna – ah – they’re gonna hear.” “Who?” Joel asks. He knows damn well who. You’re only separated by a thin paneled wall. You’d be fucking surprised if the flight attendants haven’t been hearing you for the last twenty minutes. “Baby,” Joel’s voice coos as he bends forward, sweaty chest flat against your back. His lips line with your ear, his breath hot on your skin. “They get paid not to hear.”

You’ve never been on a work trip with Joel. Usually, he likes to take them alone. Martha told you once about a time a couple years before you started when Joel took an intern to a conference in Canada, and the kid spent the entire first night in the hotel bar, missed the conference the next day, and only just made the flight home, scruff of his neck between Joel’s knuckles.

He racked up a bill of nearly a thousand dollars just on liqueur and finger food. Joel had sworn he’d never take anybody anywhere with him again.

But there’s this client over in Europe he’s due to meet – an annual thing where they sit on the terrace of some luxurious hotel, drink expensive wine that tastes like piss, according to Joel, and have a cock-off over their money and status.

Sounds like fun, right?

You’ve a pretty good idea why he asked you. And he made a pretty convincing pitch: he’d promised you a relaxing weekend. You didn’t have to sit in on any meetings, he’d let you amble around the city by day, take you for a fancy dinner or two at night. All expenses paid. You barely had to lift a finger.

As per the deal, Martha organized the travel documents. Printed them, collated them, handed them to you in a neat little folder with a paperclip on top and a Post-It note with Have fun! written in red ink. You’d slipped it into your bag and followed Joel to his car, nodding to Rand as you ducked under the starlit ceiling.

Joel’s left hand sits around your thigh – because where else would it be? – his right clutching his phone, thumb scrolling as he absentmindedly reads some document. You’re watching the city soar by from behind tinted glass. Before long, it’s the dark green of trees flickering by, and then, canvased by the clear blue sky, an air traffic control tower in the distance.

The Rolls saunters past the main entrance to the airport. You watch it roll by, leaning forward in your seat.

“Wait, what…?”

“What, baby?” Joel asks, looking up from his phone.

You usually knew every fine detail of the plan by heart. It was your job to. But with Martha being in charge of arranging your flight, you’d missed one crucial speck of information this time. And that is –

You’re travelling by private fucking jet.

The car drives across smooth tarmac toward a pointed white plane, bold against the brilliant blue sky behind it. There are four people standing at the bottom of the steps leading into it; what you assume are the two pilots, and two smartly dressed flight attendants.

“How did I never know you had a…?”

Joel smirks. “Never showed you it. C’mon.”

He gets out, strolls around to your door and opens it for you. You’re still gawking at the jet.

“Jeez…” you whisper, hopping out of the car.

“What is it?” he says through a chuckle, leading you across the tarmac.

“I feel so…Everyone looks so…I’m in my fucking sweatpants, Joel.”

He looks at you under low brows, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. Like he doesn’t want to hear one more word of it. He holds an arm out; his pinkie bumps into your tummy.

“I think you look beautiful, darlin’.”

It might’ve stopped you in your tracks. Might’ve crumbled the entire airport to dust. Might’ve made the sun drop out of the sky. You’re not sure. You wouldn’t notice if you dropped dead right now.

His words, his soft voice when he says them, send a pang of white noise through your ears, echoing around and bouncing off the walls of your head.

You swallow. Digest what he just said. And do your best to forget all about it.

Joel takes your hand and leads you to the plane steps, helping you up. He follows at your heels. “Thanks, Jerry, Lisa,” he says. You give both pilots a nervous smile as you pass.

The airconditioned cabin chills your arms when you reach the top, twisting around to look back to Joel.

“Go on.” Joel nods, palm ushering you inside.

You step forward and turn right, standing in the doorway to a pristine, white-walled, wooden interior cabin, leather seats dotted against the walls, dark brown glassy tables between them, soft gray carpet at your feet, vacuum cleaner lines still visible. There’s a long plush couch on the left wall, today’s newspaper on the side table next to it.

You feel Joel’s body shell around yours, his chin dips against your ear.

“Like it?”

“Not really. Feelin’ pretty guilty about all the air pollution.”

“How many trees you want me to plant to make up for it?”

You tut. “What are you doin’ in business? You’re so funny.”

You wander off without looking back, heading for one of the window seats.

“Uh,” Joel clears his throat, “there’s a separate cabin up back, too, if you want it.”

“Separate cabin?”

He nods. “’s got a bed. It’s cozy.”

A bed. Of course this asshole has a fucking bed in his private jet.

The pilots file in behind him, dipping into the cockpit. The flight attendants follow, and begin preparing for takeoff. Joel strolls over to the seat opposite yours, giving your legs a nudge under the varnished table when he sits down.

You both click your seatbelts into place, relax, and look out the window as the jet rolls by the airport, heading for the runway. The engine fires up properly, a deep hum you feel rattling up your spine, and then you’re pulled forward, body pushing heavily into the soft leather of your seat.

The plane races down the runway, the grass and trees blurring into a mix of dark and light green, before you’re lifting off the tarmac and into the air, your tummy flipping a little from excitement and maybe some nerves, and…Joel’s gaze on you.

When your eyes meet his, he scans down. Your little black t-shirt, skin tight. The way your breasts rise and fall with your breathing. Down to the waist of your sweatpants, then further down your legs. You know exactly what’s going through his mind.

And, honestly…being on a private jet on your way to a free weekend in Paris, accompanied by the best sex you’ve ever had…? Goes against a couple of your core beliefs about the world, but you’d be lying if you said it wasn’t on your mind, too.

The flight attendants let you guys know you can unbuckle your belts now, and, like a hive mind, you both unclip them and stand.

“Was gonna go check out that, uh–”

“I’ll show you to it,” Joel cuts in, taking your bag and leading you down the aircraft. He dips his head as he walks, the cabin too small for him to stand straight. You follow like a fucking dog, trying to hide the spring in your step.

Through a door concealed to look like part of the wall is a small room with a double bed, soft white sheets untouched. There’s a little TV on the wall opposite, a small table with another comfy chair by one of the windows, and a rail for hanging up clothes. The shades over the windows are pulled almost all the way down, sunlight splintering through and lining the soft carpet.

Joel wasn’t wrong. It is cozy.

He sets your bag down on the floor and closes the door behind you. You notice he locks it.

The corners of your lips tug, your eyebrows raise. “Might be classier than my bedroom.”

He scoffs, and you turn, falling back onto the bed and kicking your shoes off.

“Alright,” you announce, flat-out on the sheets, “I’m gonna get some shut-eye.”

Joel looks surprised. Almost – offended. “Sh…You’re gonna sleep?”

“’s why you got a bed, ain’t it?”

He narrows his eyes, runs his tongue along the bottom of his teeth. Steps forward. Sticks a knee between yours. “Not exactly.”

You smile up at him. He’s pulling the jacket from his shoulders, plain white tee underneath. He looks so fucking good. The man always looks so fucking good. He tosses the jacket to the floor and bends down over you. Hands pressing deep into the bed either side of your head, torso hovering over yours. Hips just too far away for you to lift yours up to meet them.

You take hold of his wrists. “Then…show me what it’s for.”

Joel looks from your lips to your chest, then back up to your eyes, grinning like a devil. He lifts one hand and his fingers come down to play with the drawstring of your sweatpants, tugging painfully slow on them. You want to whine, but that’d be letting him win too easily.

He loosens the waist and his fingers find the hem of your tee tucked beneath.

“You gonna show me those pretty tits, baby?”

You nod, biting your lip as he peels your top from your body, your back arching, arms splaying out on the bed. Joel uncovers your chest and slips the top over your head, discarding it to the side and leaning back to take the view in.

You didn’t wear a bra today. Wanted to travel in as much comfort as possible.

One of your wiser choices.

“Fuck, darlin’…” he breathes, eyes set on your perky tits, your round, hardened nipples. His reaction sends a fleet of electricity down to your core.

“C’mere,” you whisper, taking his shirt in your fists and dragging him down against your naked torso. And then his hips are there, right against yours, and you grind up into him, feeling his bulging crotch between your legs.

Your fingers dance along the hem of his shirt and he lifts off of you, letting you tug it over his head before his chest is pressed back against yours. You part your lips and he fills your mouth with his tongue, hands in your hair, body grinding against your own. He’s pushing you further up the mattress until you’re both in the center, disturbing the sheets and shifting the cushions decorating the bed.

Joel’s hand trails down your naked stomach and under your pants, cutting past the lace of your underwear to cup your mound, middle finger daring ever lower. You moan and drag your hips forward to edge his fingers further, until they’re dipping between your folds and your body’s rolling with pleasure.

“Yeah,” Joel murmurs, “that’s it, huh? That’s what you want?”

“Uhuh,” you nod, bottom lip between your teeth, eyelashes batting in a plea for him to keep going. Keep fucking going.

His mouth dips between your jaw and your shoulder, teeth picking up your hot skin to suck a bruise while two fingers push inside of you, lifting your back from the mattress and into Joel’s rock-solid body. Some noise escapes his lips, something caught between a laugh and a groan.

“So tight, baby,” he murmurs, drawing a smile across your face.

And then your hands are messing around at his waistband, fingers fumbling with the button. Wanting him in your hands as much as he has you around his own. Needing to feel what you’re doing to him, since he’s well aware of what he’s done to you.

Joel’s hand slips gently out from under your pants and his weight lifts off of you. In the slivers of light streaming through the cabin windows, his silhouette steps back off the bed and shoves the denim down his thighs. His jeans hit the floor and as quick as he left you, he’s back pressing into you again, hard outline of his length nudging against the top of your thigh.

You slip a hand under the elastic of his underwear and take hold of his cock, while he picks up where he left off between your legs. Your lips connect, breathing laughs and pants and desperate moans into each other, hands working to push each other closer and closer…

Joel’s fingers pump in and out, curling just enough to hit your G-spot every time. His thumb’s bumping at your clit, pushing waves of pleasure with each circle. He adds a third finger when you start to gasp, the movement of your fist around his shaft becoming messy and staggered. You’re trying to focus on him, trying to get him there as fast as he’s getting you, but he’s so fucking good at it, and you’re starting to fade out of the cabin.

Your eyes roll shut; head falls back against the bed. You’re still trying to fucking jack him off, as if he’d even let himself cum in your hands before he’s been inside you. But you’re desperately trying not to give him the satisfaction of having you unfold on his hand less than ten minutes into this. Desperately trying not to give in to him and his stupid private jet.

“It’s okay, baby,” Joel whispers in your ear, pressing a delicate kiss to your hair, “you can cum. Do it for me.”

“F-uck you,” you whisper, and you cave.

Let’s put it down to the air pressure when you’re this high up. In fact, let’s just say: you’re on a plane, and you’ve never had anything remotely close to sex on a plane before, and that’s why, when your orgasm bursts through, you cum harder than you think you’ve ever done before. It’s because of how fucking insane this is.

Let’s just say.

You come to with your face buried in the crook of Joel’s neck. His chest is vibrating, Adam’s apple bobbing. You pull back and notice the dimples in his swollen cheeks, the crow’s feet by his eyes, and then…the wide smile spread across his lips.

“That feel good, darlin’?” he asks through a laugh.

You curse at him again, eyes screwing shut. His hand’s still between your legs, slowly moving in and out, lulling you through the tail end of your orgasm. Your hands have deserted their original job; they’re clutching Joel’s shoulders. You don’t even remember grabbing onto him.

“Got somethin’ that’ll make you feel even better,” he breathes, and before you’re fully awake, his hands are on your hips, flipping you over. He drags your pants down your legs, discarding them to the floor beside his.

You sigh when he pulls your ass up into the air, resting your ear on your folded arms. Accepting defeat, or maybe just…letting him do what he does best.

Joel slips your panties to the side and runs his cock up and down your dripping cunt. You flinch, still sensitive, and feel him slow down.

“Gonna make you feel real good, alright?”

“Mhm,” you reply, eyes closing again as he lines up.

It sounds like a bit of a dumb thing to say. Joel makes you feel good every time his hands are on you, without question. Even that first night, in that dive bar, before he’d ever really done anything. His hands sent electricity through your body that you failed all weekend to rid yourself of. But you hear what he’s really saying.

You haven’t had each other yet without someone on the other side of the wall, waiting for one of you. It’s always been a rush, always been about that race to the finish line just to satisfy your needs, and then return to Earth as soon as you’re done.

There’s no need to rush to that finish line this time around. Nobody’s waiting. Joel can do whatever he wants, can fuck you however he likes, and have you under his hand for as long as he wants. As long as you both last.

The bed makes sense now, doesn’t it?

He pushes inside you, thick, hard, full. You gasp, face burying into the comforter, legs spreading to accommodate his size. Your fingers grasp onto the sheets, nails digging into the soft fabric as he fills you up, pulls halfway out, and rocks back in.

“Fuck, Joel,” you cry, and his hips slam into yours.

“Huh?” he asks.

“Daddy,” you correct yourself, still gasping.

“Better.”

Joel pounds into you, strong grip on your waist, pulling you up and down his cock at a punishing pace. His grunts match your whines. Your hand stretches out to grab something – anything – to hold onto, to steady yourself as your body begins to collapse.

“Daddy,” you mewl again, muffled by the cotton of the sheets, like it’s the only word coming to mind. “So – fuckin’ – good.”

“Louder, baby,” he replies, groaning when you tighten around him.

You whimper. “F-fuck, daddy.”

Joel’s fingers squeeze your hips, his pace quickens even more. “Louder.”

“They’re gonna – ah – they’re gonna hear.”

“Who?” Joel asks.

He knows damn well who. You’re only separated by a thin paneled wall. You’d be fucking surprised if the flight attendants haven’t been hearing you for the last twenty minutes.

“Baby,” Joel’s voice coos as he bends forward, sweaty chest flat against your back. His lips line with your ear, his breath hot on your skin. “They get paid not to hear.”

His hips crack into yours again once, and then halt. You cry out, the sudden feeling of him in his entirety, filling you up, pushing right up against your cervix, too much to bear. Too much to be muffled by the mattress beneath you.

“Let – them,” Joel’s hips drag back, slow, leaving you empty, “hear – you.”

He thrusts forward again, painfully, and you moan. Loud. “Ah, daddy,” you cry out again, and you swear Joel’s chest rumbles behind you with a laugh.

“That’s it, good girl. Tell ‘em how good it feels.”

You feel your mind start to slip, the cabin going with it. Your eyes roll closed, your mouth falls open. The only sound escaping your lips a whine, over and over, shaped just like the word daddy, daddy, daddy.

Joel’s forehead rests on the crown of yours, his voice a soft hum at the nape of your neck.

“See? Sound way too pretty to keep quiet, darlin’.”

He’s panting, words spilling out of his mouth between gasps and grunts. Hips are snapping at a grueling pace. You reach for his wrists again, planted in the bed either side of your head, and squeeze as if it might relieve the building tension in the pit of your stomach.

But he’s going so fast, so hard, fucking you dumb. And you can feel him start to falter, when your walls hold him snug, tightening around him as you reach your high.

He cums when you do. You feel him empty inside you as you hurtle through your own orgasm, rippling bliss all around your body. You both cry out, filling the tiny room with groans of pleasure and release together.

Your hips give, fall flat to the mattress, Joel still inside, slowly rocking back and forth, pushing his cum deeper and deeper inside you.

His elbows sink into the bed at your shoulders, caging you under his body as the remnants of your highs wash away. He’s running soft, wet kisses from your neck down the top of your spine. When your body stills, the pulsing of your cunt a mere flutter, he slips out from between your legs and pushes up off of your body.

Joel collapses alongside you atop the tangle of sheets and pillows, skin sticking, bodies thrumming with energy. You roll over to lie next to him. Chests rising and falling in unison, fingers intertwining at your sides. You’re staring at the ceiling, head tilting to rest on Joel’s shoulder, and he places a soft kiss to your hair.

You glance up to look into his brown eyes, lit by the thin rays of bursting sunlight seeping through the windows. The way the light moves across him as the plane turns, brilliant rays sweeping over the horizon and reflecting every angle of his face.

When he notices you, he dips his chin, and you prop yourself up, pressing your lips to his. Joel holds your jaw softly, thumb grazing over your cheekbone. His other hand scoops around your back, holding your body close to his.

“Sleepy,” you mutter, and he nods.

“Get some rest,” he tells you, but you’re already laying your head down on his chest.

Your heavy eyes blink the jet out of view; Joel’s hand stroking your hair sends you off to sleep.

----------

You wake under the white sheets, still wrapped up in Joel’s arms, to the sound of voices on the TV. Some comedy movie. Sounds like Adam Sandler. Joel mutes it when he notices you stirring.

“Afternoon,” he mutters, voice husky.

“Hi,” you reply softly, and his hand runs through your hair. “How long was I out?”

“Only a little while. They’re probably getting ready for lunch. You want me to head out first?”

You nod, suddenly feeling ashamed…and hungry. “Yeah. ‘n can you…make sure they don’t ask?”

“They ain’t gonna ask,” he groans, laughing as you roll off his body and let him up.

You watch as he dresses himself, toned arms pulling his tee over broad shoulders; tan legs slipping back into neat jeans. He slings his jacket over his arm and bends back down over you to let you kiss him again – slow, deep. Something of a thanks, a you’re welcome, maybe. A marker, anyway. A prelude to this weekend.

And then he slips out front. You lock the door behind him and start collecting your clothes, hopping around the cabin as you pull them on.

Before you leave, you grab a hoodie from your bag, feeling a little more exposed than you did when you first boarded. You toss it over your shoulders and open the door.

“Couple more hours,” Joel tells you as you sit opposite him, propping your ankles on his lap. His hands run over your socks, brows furrowing when he notices the pattern. “Bart Simpson?”

“Comfiest socks I own. Good plane socks.”

“Alright.”

“Go on. Make fun of ‘em.”

“I didn’t say anything. You want somethin’ to eat?”

You smirk. “Sure.”

He pours you a glass of water from the metal jug on the table between you both, and one of the attendants appears as if by magic on your right.

“Got you gluten free stuff,” Joel says as you gulp at the ice water.

You almost choke. “Seriously?”

His face twists, confused. Mirroring your astonishment. “Yeah. You think I’d let you starve?”

You almost laugh before you hear it, and realize how sweet it is. You didn’t even know Joel noticed this stuff. Didn’t think it’d be on his radar.

“Thank you,” you whisper, lifting your glass to mask the blush burning across your cheeks.

Joel nods once. Then turns to the attendant and asks for a burger, side of fries, side of onion rings. “We got sweet potato fries, Len?” he asks.

“Think so,” Len replies. “Want them instead? Or both?”

Joel thinks it over for probably two seconds, before he shrugs and says, “Both. Thanks, man.”

Len turns to you, but you’re still staring at Joel. “Unbelievable,” you mutter.

Joel holds his hands out. “I’m hungry.”

You give Len a smile. “What’s…What can I have?”

“We got gluten free flour, bread, pasta, uh…garlic bread for sides, too. And a couple desserts.”

“What the f…?” You stare at Joel. “You didn’t have to–”

“Just order, baby,” Joel says, palm facing you, stopping you from going on.

“I’ll, uh…You do fried chicken?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I’ll have fried chicken, side of fries, and coleslaw, if you have it, please.”

Len nods curtly and heads back up front, leaving you and Joel on your own again. You finish your thought.

“What the fuck?”

He’s chuckling. “What?”

“You…This is…Nothing, you just…you blow my mind, every time.”

Joel shrugs, grinning. “Blow your back out, ‘n all.”

“Alright.” You snatch your ankles from his grasp – Bart’s toothy smirk slipping from between Joel’s fingers – and sit up straight, looking out of the window to the dazzling sky; bright blue on top and fluffy white clouds beneath.

Your food arrives shortly after and the pair of you eat in comfortable silence. Joel checks through his emails, you sit back in your seat with your headphones in. It’s nice, not having a phone to answer or Joel’s schedule to fix. Nicer, still, having him feet away from you, giving you all the attention you could possibly want at the drop of a hat.

You land in Paris at 10PM local time. Straight off the plane and into another sleek, black car, driven by a gray-haired, sharp-suited man named Denis whose hand Joel shakes before climbing in beside you. He slides into the leather seat and you fall against one another, your head on his shoulder. Partition wound up, though neither of you feel much like doing anything that’d require privacy. Your eyes are tired, heavy, you smell like eight hours’ worth of plane, and you’re basically salivating at the thought of collapsing into a huge, soft, clean bed.

Which is exactly what the pair of you do when you reach the hotel. You’re in some extravagant suite picked by Joel; you manage two glances around the dark place before he’s leading you by hand off to the bedroom, cases still parked at the front door.

And before you know it, you’re sinking into the plush sheets of a king-size bed, limbs entangled with Joel’s, city lights twinkling through the window into your sleep-glazed eyes as you drift off.

----------

Day breaks across Paris around seven in the morning. You wake with the blue glow of the sky, dusty pink on the horizon bleeding upward as the sun rises higher. When your eyes open and adjust to the light, you glance over Joel’s still sleeping body and notice the view behind him, split in half by the silhouette of the Eiffel Tower.

The curtains are still pulled back – neither of you noticed nor had the energy to shut them when you arrived. You’re both still in your clothes from yesterday, too. Joel managed to kick off his shoes, and you remember him pulling yours off before he fell into the bed next to you. You didn’t even sleep under the bedsheets.

You push yourself up off the bed, stretching your back and glancing around. This room is fucking nuts. Gold accented – gold handles, gold light switches, gold frames. Pretentious modern art decorating each wall, an upholstered headboard that almost touches the ceiling in front of you. Marble-topped nightstands with spotless silver lamps, glinting in the light.

You roll off of the bed, Bart Simpson socks landing on soft carpet, though his face has been awkwardly twisted around your ankle in your sleep. You shuffle off to a door on the left, leading down a small hallway – past some fancy ornate vase – to the living room: a wide, open space with the same floor-to-ceiling windows as the bedroom, looking out to the same view.

Two velvet couches sit opposite one another, a white marble coffee table sat between. Behind them, a dining table with eight chairs. Gleaming varnished wood. And then, through a couple more doors, a kitchenette with modern white cabinets, a coffee machine, a microwave.

Fucking. Nuts.

You hear Joel stirring in the bedroom and wander back through, dazed with sleep and amazement at this place. He’s rubbing his eyes when you walk in and spring down on top of him on the bed.

“Mornin’,” he grumbles, voice thick and husky. His hands fall onto your thighs, sat either side of his waist, and his eyes flutter open. “You’re energetic.”

“Have you fucking seen this place?”

“I have. Stay here every year.”

You press further into him, feeling a swell in his jeans and doing your best to ignore it.

“Can we go explore?”

“Outside?”

You nod eagerly, despite the way his face screws up.

“Baby,” he sighs, “I’m still in my damn jeans.”

“So, go shower. Get dressed.”

He’s not done protesting. “We travelled for, like, nine hours straight yesterday.”

“’n now we’re here and we ain’t here long, so let’s go do something. C’mon.”

You lace your fingers through Joel’s and pull him up toward you, sitting in his lap on the bed. He buries his face in your chest, mumbling something incoherent into the cotton of your shirt.

You giggle. “Huh? Can’t hear you.”

Joel pulls back with a sigh and rolls his eyes dramatically. “Alright,” he says, “go get ready.”

You leap off of him with a quiet squeal of glee.

As you pace around the suite, dragging your case into the bedroom, fishing some clean clothes and your toothbrush out, practically skipping into the marble-tiled shower room, Joel lays back in bed watching your every move. Smiling, eyebrows lifting with encouragement anytime you look over to him. Head resting back in the crook of his arm, sleepy eyes taking in all of your excitement.

You’re rinsing shampoo out of your hair when he slides into the shower behind you, a quick kiss to your shoulder.

“No sex,” you tell him with a pointed finger, squeezing the lemon scented gel into the palm of your hand.

“No, ma’am,” he says with a smirk, dipping his head to let you lather up the suds in his salt and pepper hair. “So, where we goin’?”

You shrug. “Wherever. Lots to do in Paris.”

“Wanna get you somethin’ nice,” he says, eyes screwed shut as he runs his head under the flow of water, “a thanks for comin’ with me.”

“I think maybe the private jet, the hotel room, plus the free trip in itself is thanks enough, Joel.”

But Joel disagrees. Heartily, apparently.

He takes your hand and helps you out of the car on a tree-lined street, tall cream buildings on either side. It looks like a movie set. You’re following Joel’s lead, spending more time craning your neck to look up at the huge, ornate windows guarded by black balconettes while he guides you across cobblestone toward the smoothly paved sidewalk.

You’re not even paying attention to where he’s taking you until you’re stood in the middle of a glistening store, plush rug under your feet, lavish chairs in the center of the room, a rainbow of fashion surrounding you.

“What…? No, Joel.”

“Hm?” he asks, eyes scanning the room. He takes a step, and you tug on his arm.

“I can’t fucking afford Gucci,” you whisper, pulling his body back against yours.

He hands you a bemused smile, eyebrows low, corners of his lips pulled. “All expenses paid, baby.”

Your arm falls limp and he drags you through the store, past mannequins in patterned gowns and silk shirts, past shelves of obnoxiously huge purses and accessories gleaming in the spotlights from above.

Your fingers stay locked around Joel’s hand, your head swiveling so much you worry it might fall off, looking from the vibrant floral wallpaper down to the spotless tiled floor, glancing politely at attendants and then dipping your head and wandering by them behind Joel.

“See anything?” he asks, turning to you at the opposite end of the store.

It’s ridiculous. This entire trip…is ridiculous, and you’ve only been here twelve hours. Following around at Joel’s heels like a puppy, watching as he clicks his fingers – no, before he even gets the chance to click his fingers – and everything and anything either of you could dream up just…happens. Right in front of you.

He won’t let up. You know him. If you tried to pull him back outside onto the street, he’d buy you something for the hell of it.

You know him. So, you decide to use that to your advantage.

“Gucci…I dunno…” you muse, squinting at him.

“Not your thing?” he asks, and he seems curious, but – you know him. You know that behind that polite mask is a smirk thick enough to make your knees wobble. He knows what you’re doing. “Where to, angel?”

You lead him out of the store. Feel his shadow behind you, watching as you thank the doorman and take a left around the corner, passing under the shade of the gently rustling trees. Arm in arm, you arrive before a huge archway, pristine windows surrounding the door to…

“Dolce & Gabbana…” Joel looks up at the stone writing atop the arch. “Alright. Classy girl.”

You giggle, pulling him past the wrought-iron fence and inside.

It’s sleeker, moodier. Less in your face. Suits you a bit better, though you can’t quite swallow back the guilt that sticks in your throat as you saunter around, Joel right behind you. It catches you when an assistant touches your arm, snapping you out of your daze, and asks if you need anything.

“No, thank you,” you reply, mirroring her smile. “Thank you.”

She nods and floats off.

Joel’s frame shells around yours, dipping his jaw to lean against your shoulder. “What about that one?” His eyes flit up to a mannequin just past a lit table of purses.

“The black one?”

“Mhm.”

“You like that?”

He repeats, a little more exaggerated: “Mhm.”

You shrug. “I do look good in black.”

“Look better in nothin’.” Joel steps forward and takes the tag between two delicate fingers, deliberately hiding it from you. He turns back, lifts his eyebrows in question. “Buy you it if you promise to wear it tonight.”

You smile. This man knows how to barter. And you take no convincing at all.

“Alright,” you accept, “deal.”

----------

Three hours later, you’re strolling down another cobbled street with an ice cream in your hand. And not much else, by the way. Joel’s taken all the shopping bags back to the hotel. He slapped your hand away when you tried to lift one of them from his clutches.

The wind sifts gently through your hair, cooling your face and neck, toying with the hem of the oversized shirt you’re wearing. It flutters the French flags overhead, red, white and blue blowing in the breeze. Cars roll by, engines humming as they weave in and out between one another, horns calling out in the distance.

Joel hadn’t let you come up to the counter to pay with him, had insisted you stay right where you were standing, and when he finished up and laced his fingers through yours, it was like a surge of energy had shot through him.

He led you out of the store and into another, and another, and another…until his hands were wrapped around, what, six bags? All carrying different components of your outfit for tonight.

And then he’d noticed the time – unlocked his phone with a curse under his breath, and kissed your temple. Midday. He was meeting Jean-Marc in an hour.

“You wanna come back with me? Chill at the hotel?” he’d asked, dialing his chauffeur’s number.

“I’m good,” you said, smiling sweetly as he squeezed your shoulder. Then, he pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed you his card.

“’case you see anything else you want.”

“Joel,” you protested, but he’d shut you up by clicking his teeth and walking off, leaving you to follow after him, shamelessly beaming.

He’d apologized another three times before Denis had pulled up, then once more as he loaded the trunk with your bags.

“See you later. Enjoy your meeting,” you teased, laughing at the way his face twisted into a grimace as the car rolled off.

It’d been a pretty nice afternoon. You’d dipped into a couple more stores – though, without Joel to impress, the low-cut dresses and short miniskirts were somewhat less exciting.

That is, until you passed by a lingerie store. You stood outside for a second, peering by your reflection in the window to study what lay behind. Suddenly lace and satin – and the idea of Joel seeing you in them – seemed a lot more enticing.

You’d pieced together an entire getup: bra, panties, garter belt, even a pair of stockings, and a silk robe to go over the top. You handed over Joel’s card, ignoring the way your cheeks began to heat and focusing instead on how smug you felt, and skipped out of the store, bag in hand.

You’d called Denis five minutes ago to ask for a ride back to the hotel. He called you Madame, he said Nonono every time you apologized for bothering him again, and he promised he’d be there in less than ten minutes.

You pace back and forth along the curb, waiting for the shiny black Maybach to pull up. You’ve checked your phone, like, five times already, kinda hoping there’ll be a text from Joel. You swing the bag between your fingers.

A door swings open behind you, giggles filter out into the street, and you turn to see a couple bounding out of a jewelers, hand in hand. She flicks her left wrist up, tilts it in the sun. It’s hard to ignore the light bouncing off of her ring finger. You feel nauseous at the sight.

Suddenly the Parisian street dissolves, and what sweeps over in replacement is a long, empty lawn, maple trees swaying menacingly in the distance. There’s a blur of bright blue sky, sunrays bursting across your vision. Your hand comes up to shield your eyes, and there he is. There he was.

He was on the grass. You told him to stand up; his suit trousers would be stained green. He did it anyway. Trembling hands, expectant stare. You stuttered and stammered your way through a sentence fueled by shock and horror and…resentment.

And then you did it anyway, too.

The crackle of tires coming to a stop on the road in front drags your fraught gaze from the couple, now strutting off down the avenue. You reach for the door handle, but Denis is already out of the car and leaning down, hand on your back as you duck into the backseat.

----------

taglist: @nobodycanseeinsidemysoul @@isimpforfictionalmen @lizzie-cakes @sarahhxx03 @tobuildahomeinthewoods @whatsliferightnow @regalwhovianbrowncoat774 @casa-boiardi @earthtogrogu @sexygaypalpatine @cool-iguana @serenaxpedro @brittmb115 @pattwtf @pascalpvnk @jediknightjana @mrsquill @uncassettodiricordi @gracieispunk @hellishjoel

(lmk if i’ve missed you out & check my taglist info for how to be added!)

[magicalmysteryperson]

Saw this little lad on Chadtronic's recent cursed commericals video.

He's so cute and ridiculous looking that I wouldn't be surprised if @randomencounters posted about it.

What a lad!

[bibbledeebo]

To commerate of Twitter potentially dying here's a cursed Belos render that I'm posting every where shhjbjkc

He is indeed a babygirl. 😏 /hj

[popculturebuffet]

Supermay!: It's A Bird... It's a Plane.. It's Superman! Review (Comission for Emma Fici)

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Supermay! A celebration of all things man of steel. And today boy oh boy do I have a treat for you. It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a goddamn musical. We're taking look at the 1975 tv adaptation of the 1966 Stage Musical It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's superman! Baby.

This is something i've wanted to watch since seeing a clip of what turned out to be the final number years ago: It looked cheesy as hell and I was here for it. And when I pitched it to Emma her response was a resounding

So here we are.

So thanks to wikipedia I got some background on this one. Usually not the best source but I didn't have a lot. It did give me stage actor and superman in the broadway version Bob Holiday's 2000's as hell website

it's funly nostalgic and the guy seemed genuinely nice and i'ts mostly to tribute the man. Ther'es the odd bit like "sounding every bit as masculine as superman must" but it's mostly a nice little tribute. It didn't tell me much but it did impress that Bob HAD to maintain the superman posture live on stage and that the musical had flying effects, which is neat.

Otherwise the musical did well with critics.. but Audiences didn't catch on. They may of just not been in the mood for this level of camp, it may of been that old attitude that "comic books ares for childrens", which is true but their also for everybodys at the same time. At any rate it didn't do well.

The weird thing is.. it was a case of DC accidnetly undercutting itself. Around the same time the camptastic glory that was Adam West Batman started airing so an intended Time article for the musical was reduced to a blurb to promote batman instead.

So a decade later DC tried to recoup some losses, lisenscing the musical to ABC in the hopes of getting some of that sweet high school and regional theater money. And instead.. ABC just shoved it on their schedule and didn't really give a shit. So yeah this musical is mildly cursed and I feel bad fo rit. It's a wonderfully campy little piece of superman history, a truly odd, truly unique thing that deserves it's flowers, so today i'm giving them to them. So come fly with me under the cut as we experince bargin bin sweden hating lex luthor, jealous journalists, wacky mobsters, depression, an iconic musical number, gay supervillians in love, and all the camp that's fit to print. It's A Bird, It's a Plane, It's Superman! .. and some ads!

Commericals!:

As a brucey bonus, the person who put this specail on youtube also added a cluster of superman themed commericals at the end. I'm going to tackle them because my good friend @jess-the-vampire recommended them. We watched the musical together but she stuck around for these commericals.

We open with one from Bob Holiday, who promotes Aqua Velva.. and honestly I wish more than just the soundtrack for the stage musical existed because he seems like an excellent superman.

The next is just superman using an at and t card to call the office as they try to get back to .. contact london. And Lois brings up he always disappears? I don't get you commerical

Now we get into the real nonsense. Lex Luthor has kidnapped superman.. to ask why superman peanut butter tastes so great. The funniest part of this is I could buy lex being THAT petty that he can't just ASK superman, he has to kidnap him, put him near a giant chunk of kryptonite and demand he tells him. Some kids save superman, they enjoy some peanutbutter and luthor finds out he'll find out someday, SOMEDAY SUPERMAN YOU'LL TELL ME THE SECRET OF YOUR RICH CREAMERY PEANUT BUTTER!

Anyways, now for superman to say no to smoking! Some man dressed like a wizard is teaching children to smoke. Man big tabacco is really having to get clever. I remember the old days when they didn't have to be as subtle

Superman then fights Nick O Teen again.. yes that's really his name.

Yes he really looked like that. And the sad part is this special proves this isn't even the dumbest guy he's fought. he fights nick as he tries to corrupt youth at baaseball and then claims you can quit any time only to disprove it when superman takes his sigs. He also coughs up a big black cloud when superman does this? Superman.. I I think you might be killing this guy. Give him his smokes superman, let him live!

Superman then calls a kid who smoked to be cool a looser. This is somehow only the second most dickish thing he's ever done.

We then get a few less takable adds: Superman picks up a kid who was abndoned by his friends for being intrested in drugs and relaizing drugs ar efor loosers, then promotes a kit for asmatic kids.. which is actually really nice. Good job superman.

We then get an add for underoos which is a bunch of children dancing around in their underwear. I feel like i'm going on some sort of watchlist just for watching this. There's Superman, Wonder Woman, Aquaman and Spider-man! And another add which adds batman and the hulk.. and the dukes of hazzard? Also this add made me realize the venture bros were wearing underoos for some time

Though the actual aquaman underoos are way more half assed

That's just..sad.

Anyways enough about children's underwear, for the love of god enough about children's underwear, let's have some airforce propoganda by some weirdo in a mustache and some weirdo in a superman outfit who gets recurited for the airforce.

Now Taco Bell is offering SUPERMAN GLASSES. Super fuckin shooter.. I actually want one of those now. I miss when restruants did this. I wasn't really around for it but I miss it.

Now superman on viewmaster! God I loved how these things looked as a kid.. on the outside. could never really see them well.

Next superman rescue two kids from the evils of WEEEEEEDDDD and just fly them to the boys and girl club. I mean that last part's nice and children shoudln't smoke weed but like... do they have a ride home? Are you just going to fly them to my house.

Now for a create a super villian contest. Everyone gets puffy stickers! EVERYONE EVEN YOU. EVEN IF YOU DON'T WATCH THEM. Also Casey Kasem robin. That's dope.

Now for a living french fry from superman french fries

And now our feature presentation

So we open with some .. weird as hell introductions to most of our cast. And it's right away we get one of this special's weirder quirks: out of Superman's suprisingly large supporting cast and main rogue's gallery only THREE characters from the comics are in this musical: Superman himself, played by David Wilson, Lois Lane played by Lesley Ann Warren and Perry White played by Al Ludden. I couldn't find anything really on wilson, but Warren's been in a ton of stage and tv while Ludden was the host of pass word. Yes weirdly Jimmy Olson is left out.. I wonder why

Fair enough then. So rather than say get Lex Luthor or Jimmy in the plot we instead get Max Mencken, an egotistical reporter who hates superman for stealing all the attention played by Kenneth Mars, mars assitant who has a thing for him Syndey Carlton played by MASH star Loretta Swit, the only actor I recognized in this, and David Wayne as Dr. Abner Sedwick, a mad scientest working for the Metropolis INsittue of Technology who wants to kill superman to conquer the world. There's also a mafia boss played by Malachi Throne, thankfully replacing the racial sterotypes with hired goons

Yeah while I get not using some of supes Rogues, Braniac would hard to be get right on stage back then for instance, it's very weird to me that they don't use Luthor for sedwick's role. Ther'es nor eason it CAN'T be him: while Luthor didn't have sedwick's veil of legitmacy back then (A weird thing to think about) it's not that big a change nad as seen by the 80's onward, it actually improves the character. I get Max, they wanted more characters at the planet and there didn't seem to be a deep bench and Jimmy never would've fit the roll. It's honestly hilarious to me as Steve Lombard, Morgan Edge and Jack Rider would all fill similar rolls over the years to this one, while Sydney would likely be Cat Grant, the planet's gossip columnist, these days.

At any rate we get a quick recap of superman's origins that also belies that this musical is goofy as shit, using comic panels and leaving subtly at the door as this is superman's rocket in this version

I'm all for it though: the musical's clearly meant to be tounge and cheek and is trying to be funny.. but is that rare work that's both genuinely funny once in a while and so bad it's glorious. Someone wrote a joke this corny, thought it was funnya nd put it on tv. Someone had to assemble this prop and I salute them.

So we get clarks teen years, him becoming superman all in miniture before we get our first number. We Need Him. And I have enough praise for later numbers I can comfortably say this is dogshit and not feel too bad about it. Like it is just bad. 80% of it is just them saying WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM, WE NEED HIM

Listening to the original version, it was more of an operatic crowd number originally.. why they dumbed it down to the point of being grating I have no clue. While this does update the arangments, the arangments aren't really BAD for the most part but this is just.. awful.

Thankfully we soon get our first planet scene and our general characterizations for our bullpen: Clark is going with the old "he's really a mask for superman" routine, with Clark having a very whiny voice i'd swear was doing a rick moranis if rick was acting at that point. God there was a time when rick moranis wasn't a thing. Such dark days. It's fine... like I said in the clash of the superheroes review, i'm not a fan of "clark is just a costume superman puts on", but this musical is going for camp. Having everyone forget Clark's even there and exagerating this dynamic to all hell works just fine.

What dosen't is Lois. Lois feels like a prop in this: she loudly goes "scoop" in a shrill voice, never realizes Clark is there and genuinely kinda sucks. She's mostly there for Clark to pine over, the villians to kidnap later and that's it. I'm so relived Crisis on Infinite earths gave us the modern lois: no nonsense, hard nosed, but with a kind nature versus "SUPERMAN MUST MARRY MEEEEEEE". It's too Amy Rose for my taste.

We get our next umber it's superman next.. and this one is also not good and once again can be blamed on the rearrangment taking away the orchestra and replacing it with.. nothing.

Thankfully we're rescued from this by the oldest of superman's foes.. the mafia! The sad part is out of superman's three big bads in this film.. it's the closest to being true. It's still not entirely true as looking into the first 10 issues or so of action comics, it's mostly shady buisness douches, corrupt wardens and other conmen, putting the comic WAY ahead of it's time, it's still entirley plausable he fought some mobster in a sterotypical suit in his early career.

So the cartoon gangsters added to this version work for me. It helps their just so fun: their over the top, goofy and fit this over the top and goofy musical like the hats they all wear. They also get the first good number of the musical, It's a Swell Country, which was made for this special but I honestly coudln't tell as it's really good and like "Mean Green Mother From Outer Space" should be added to future stage versions. IT's a fun song about how it's a "Swell country" for criminals, and will be even more swell once they take care of superman

Back at the planet, Lois interviews Abner Sedwick. Sedwick tells lois MIT has death ray and Clark overhears, becomes superman and easily takes care of it. He seems to have foiled Sedwick's grand scheme.. but it turns out having him stop the death ray was part of it.

Later in Sedwick's office he gets a solo revenge, this weird shatner style number where he sing talks a lot. And also actually sings. Sedwick however.. is the best. He talks to the audience a lot and his motivations are hilariously petty: he just abrubtly reveals why he wants to rule the world: to destroy sweden. And why? Because he keeps coming in second place for the noble prize. Ten years in a row. I honestly think at this point their doing it just to fuck with him and are doing so at their peril.

Turns out Max was there the whole time and pieced it all together.. and it also turns out he dosen't care that Sedwick is evil as he also wants to kill superman. I've seen worse meet cutes, i'll take it.

Max comes back to the office and we get what Jess perfectly described as

The Woman for the Man is a good song and works well out of context, a lot of these songs do, but my god is it uncomfortable to watch two minutes of a guy hitting on a woman who just.. is not interested while he does not get it. Reminds me of what a younger me might of become had he been a bit more of a douche and ab it less awkward and I don't care for it. Lois tells max to fuck off and he vows revenge on superman because it's superman's fault his sexual harassment no jitsu didn't work for the 80th time.

So while the cartoon mobsters decide Sedwick might be worth kidnapping because superman is gun proof, Max blows off Sydney

To go talk to sedwick who reveals his plan which is honestly, especially for something like this... really clever. Superman's too powerful to beat normally.. so their going to break him mentally.

Clark has other problems though as we get

With You've got Possiblities. The song itself.. is utterly fantatsic. I'd actually heard this one around but never knew it was from a superman musical. it's an utter classic, being hilaroiusly dismissive and Swit's super 70's version works. And unlike other rearrangments while i'll admit the original is better.. this one's still good and there's more reason to do this "update": the original is such a big song, you kinda HAVE to make it your own and Swit does.

That said the gag for the first half is that Clark isn't intrested... and Sydney won't take no for an answer. Clark DOES come around eventually.. but it's still deeply uncomfortable, even more than the max stuff as it's clear they aren't on clark's side here like they were with lois.

Clark and Sydney hook up.. and then this never really comes up again because they presumibly cut that part of the plot out for time.

So we get Sedwick's plan: he's going to put a bomb under city hall

Again it's clever: the death ray was so he could plausably throw a celebration for superman at MIT , and then blow up city hall at the same time. now he has Max, Max can slander superman in the media for missing the attack and this will destroy him mentally.

The two then sing you got what I need aka

Yeah there's no way around this Max and Sedwick are gay as hell and this musical number is gay as hell and being bi as hell I love every minute of it. Suddenly the two villians just come off like their going to make out any second from now and given their both asepects of lex luthor it works. I honestly wish they had end up together: their both egotistical, petty and hate superman. It's a great foundtaion for a relationship.

They get interuptted by the mobsters, btu Sedwick decides he wants kids after he realizes their ALSO after superman. Well henchman.. same thing really. Either way their adopting these sterotypes.

We then get back to the planet as Lois falls in love with clark because he's always there.

Yeah once again they just.. step up a subplot for time's sake. She sings a song about it. Once again it's not great. I do not know why they kept this subplot, it impacts nothing. The syndey thing really impacted nothing. This musical is somehow a LOT happneing, max and sediwick's evil plan, falling in love and adopting a family of mobsters, sydney and clark, lois and clark, sexual harassment, more sexual harassment, blowing up sweden, and also nothing of consequence happening and i'm somehow here for it.

So with clark kent happy it's naturally time for the universe to shit on him.. wait no that's peter parker. The Universe is going to take a steamer on clark's life anyway as our power couple pull off their plan, with superman at his celebration and meeting Jerry and Joe, two hippies based on Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, superman's creators. it's a sweet touch that only gets sweeter later, but for now the explosion happens and Sedwick's able to turn the crowd against him thorugh the power of "comic book unvierse characters can be real dicks"

Superman is now hated and clark's frustrated, while Sydney is fed up with max's crap and gies us a song. And for once.. it actually DOES feel necessary this scene is happening. Not only is max kidnapped during it but it gives payoff to sydney's crush on max

The song is the underrated "Oh Do You Love You" a REALLY fun song i'm shocked didn't blow up like you got possibilities. It's one long take that at max's ego and it is AWESOME. Loretta Swit can REALLY sing and while she got to show it off with possibiliteis she really gets to go all out here.

Max is abudcted during it as Sedwick thinks he's superman. Max asks "Husband are youf ucking high", pointing out the obvious: why would he do all this frame superman shit if he was. They figure out it's clark, they always forget about him, as did Sedwick's computer, so Sedwick heads to clarks to finish off their foe while Max has lois kidnapped.

We then get another song.. and sadly another weak one. Seriously this musical bounces between all time bangers and "please god make it stop" The Strongest Man in the World is about superman's vunerablility which SHOULD work and I like the staging of him changing into clark as he does it, but the awkward singing and

Suck the energy out of it.

Sedwick shows up and reveals he' knows who clark is. He then proceeds to psychologically break him, accusing him of pretending to be clark as a gag, being a hero to lord his power and of being a freak. This leaves superman in a super depression and thus he can't rescue lois when the mobsters kidnap her.

It's then the table turns as everybody betrays everybody. We also get another lois song and I genuinely feel terrible for Lesley Ann WarreN: Three numbers.. and all of them awful. Moving on Sediwck betrays max and then is betrayed by the mobsters who even give their king boss the award for best criminal just to make sedwick feel worse. Id ont' remember him teling them about the noble prize thing but he's also the kind of guy who strikes me like he'd bring it up every chance he got.

Superman then.. goes.. to drown himself...

Yeah just.. the fuck. I get it was the 60's/70's, these jokes were okay but it's just a weird turn. He also can't drown himelf because he has super lungs GET IT IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HE CAN'T DIE BUT WANTS TO.

Thankfully this segues into the musicals best non musical scene: Joe and Jerry runn into supes again.. and upon seeing his crisis admit part of why they love him..is that he is a freak. He's not normal, he is diffrent. and that's okay. He gives hope to all the other "freaks", all the outcasts who need someone to cheer and to look out for them. He's the defender of the downtrodden

With his confidence back, superman arrives and we get the best number of the muiscal, Pow! Bam! Zonk! a gloriously cheesy number where Superman cleans house. It's a nicely silver age segment of superman giving plnety of one liners as he talks about how he's regained his sense of self and easily beats up the mobsters with some great funny bits like them shattering a blackboard over him or two using ONE MOBSTER AS A BATTERING RAM. I'ts one long fun sequence showing how awesome superman is and David WIlsons ings the hell out of it. It's cheesy, fun, and incredibly well coregraphed. A great climax.

In the end our hero triumphs, our villians have amnesia so their good now and max is good to syndey though maybe she'll consider a throuple with sediwick. DA END. Seriously it just kinda ends. Lois is back into superman, tha'ts it. Go home.

It's a Bird It's a Plane It's Superman is fun as hell. It's not super good: only a few jokes land... but it manages to be cheesy so bad it's super. It's got great numbers dotted with hilarously bad ones, goofily petty villians, wacky mafia mobsters, and a truly bonkers plot that while itnetionally so has aged to the point it's even more zany than intended. Add in a weird lack of superman, a truly awesome final number, and some goofy effects and title cards, and you have a good time. Well worth the 90 minutes. Check it out on youtube. Stick around for the commericals and thanks for reading.

[faefrosting]

Pssst hey, hey yous, commere I got something cursed for ya goobers

Sun and Moon but their Spore creatures

Also also

My fursona as a spore monster

They are all so cursed and I love them

Their names respectively in Spore

MoonScrimblo

SunnyScrimblo

JellyEntity

[tawus]

hi! i recently started doing commissions so i wanted to ask if you have any piece of advice to give?

Hi! Sorry about the delay with getting back to you on this ❣️

I may not be the best person to ask for advice on commissions, since I’ve written only 2 commissioned works – though they were huge and I’ve put a lot of thought, effort and a part of my soul into each one. But I’m not like a regular commission writer, just to be sure.

What I can offer is that I believe in personal brands. So I believe a person comes to me and pays me to provide them with an unrepeated experience that only I can deliver. I fully allow for each commer (the person who commissions me) to give me their specifics for the plot, the main character, the scenes etc – and I use those as the roadmap, the firm string that pulls the whole story along – but my magic comes in when I manage to stick to what they’ve wanted and at the same time surprise them. Which means I always add my own personal touch. I’ll give an example: with No Cure, the commer requested that the Reader character has a Nullification power, i.e. she can nullify others’ cursed techniques and cursed energies. I used that as a basis, as if it was a canon premise, and I expanded it. So the Reader’s usage of it during her first fight against Gojo was wholly my creation, and similarly when he trains her on the temple grounds and she develops a variation to her technique, those are my expansions as well. The commer was also quite taken aback by the way Gojo justified training her on temple grounds, which also involves the technicalities of cursed techniques and energy that I have expanded.

The personal touch (that I’ve described one instance of above) requires me to put a lot of thought into each commission, which also means each commission requires a fair bit of time. So don’t be in a hurry to churn out content for your commers. I think it’s disproportionate and unfair to expect for quality work to be done in a short time. Quality does take time. I’ll be honest, in all, each of the 2 commissions that I’ve done took me about 3 months to produce – counting from the conception of the idea in the commer to my final delivery. 3 months sounds outrageous, but each commission that I’ve produced is like a standalone novel and I’m proud of them, as I’ve put in a lot of my time, thought, energy, and soul into them. So my timeline is fully justified, especially when I remember how happy, surprised and satisfied my commers have been with what I delivered.

In more practical terms, you need to set out your terms clearly (I say this both as a creator and as a lawyer) so that there’s no discrepancies and no grounds for dispute. To gauge your commer’s preferences, you can use a survey form that you can create and use on each new commer. Give your commers periodic updates on how things are going and with the updates provide some snippets of the work you've done so far (I also provide them with additional research materials: for instance, with Dimming Hearth, the theatre and 7/11 shop locations are real in Tokyo – since central Tokyo is emphasised as the stage for the AiB games – so I shared with my commer the visuals for the scenes I wrote).

In terms of smut scenes I have a rule I set for myself: if it doesn’t turn me on while I’m writing it, then the smut I wrote is no good. But I also hate scrapping stuff so I make sure it does turn me on lolol. In more practical terms it means that, since I’ve low libido lately, I get deliberately tipsy before sitting down to write my smut scenes and I write them in 1 or 2 sitting to not break the continuity of my zone. If the smut I wrote turns me on, I know it will cause a fucking waterfall for my commer.

Do your research and set a fair price for your work. I know we live in hard times – as do I. But I find that a lot of creators aren’t even aware of the fair market value of their own labour, they haven’t done the research. Look on Fiverr: there are lots of fanfiction writers on there too and check out their fees. You’ll see that what Tumblr creators often charge for their hard work is scraps compared with those. You can make a decision to charge less to attract more customers as long as it’s a valued and informed decision on your part.

As you know, I’m more of a long work writer – both my comms are above 20k words – so my tips may not be as relevant if you deliver shorter commissions, but still I hope you find something useful in here. Good luck! 🍀

[sleepysoup04]

MARIO MOVIE SPOILERS

ehh it was alright

Pacing was terrible, so many scene feeling like something was cut out feeling like we miss something before the scene. So much potential but very few shown.

World building and animation are amzing no complains about that

Many moment that is obviously made for kid and older adult to be make as a reaction gif on Facebook and Twitter but it is liiumination so it's not surprising

Doesnt seem to focus on the older fan and a little more on younger kids and parents a little more unbalanced

Alot of bomb and explosion surprisingly

Mario and Luigi without gloves are so cursed and detail ewwww!!!

Barely enough screentime with Luigi, big L ;((

Me and my brother's friend were talking after we agree that Luigi should've enter King Boo's mansion and get some scenes with the boos before eventually being taken by the shy guys to bowser. And or even some scenes of Luigi and Bowser.

Bowser had funny moment but he gets so pissed off to Mario who he barely met

Got queerbated by bowuigi

The blue star character was unnecessary the running joke felt overused

Felt off when it's just the koopa telling Bowser about mario and not showing Bowser seeing him, felt rush

My favorite part is actually the blue Koooa being revealed as the blue shell and basically being a suicide bomb that was crazyyyy

I do love the many scenes with Bowser

Peach gave up way to easily to be convinced to marry Bowser all it took was to squish only Toad

She couldn't just marry Bowser over one toad

It has to be bigger of convincing like the castle or even the many toads being capture while they were escaping

elsa moment

Mario is technically bad for putting Brooklyn at risk with taking that huge bullet bill to the pipe injuring alot of innocent people and later becoming a hero.

Where Mario is at his lowest he looked at the tv from he and his brothers commerical to find hope to be the hero BUT THAT ARCADE GAME IS RIGHT THERE LOOK TO THE RIGHT MARIO HE COULD BE HERO FROM THE GAME TO SAVE THE PEOPLE.

OR EVEN LUIGI CONING TO FIND MARIO AT THE PIZZA PLACE AND COMFORTING HIM AND BE HIS HOPE TO STOP BOWSER THAT COULDVE BEEN MORE EMOTIONALLY BETTER!!!!

The ending was short leaving many questions

Did the two worlds merge?

Did the mario brothers just now decided to live in the Mushroom kingdom?

That's all I could think of but heyy I got the mario popcorn tin

[miho-and-hanasaki-for-duel-links]

“Rare Games.”

Between all this this (Dragon Jar is from the manga, the rest is exclusive to toei 1998) and the “Devil’s Board Game” mentioned in Otogi’s arc in the manga, there’s an implication of a whole underworld of shady, often-occult gaming rituals, with multiple cultures creating an umbrella concept of “clandestine high-stakes gambling + occult curses executed via games” independent of each other. and of some of the people invested in the former going out of their way to collect the latter via any means necessary.

The way this is executed outside of Japanese and western examples is often... exoticizing, focusing on how ~weird and spooky and foreign~ Egypt/China/India/etc are, and this is sucks.

(Skipping Egypt b/c the baggage of the millennium items being framed early on as “because Egypt is inherently weird and spooky” and how Yugioh treats modern Egyptians would require its own post, which I am not prepared to write.)

The Dragon Jar is clearly Gu magic combined with a mahjong variant, but Gu is just as much an “evil taboo sorcery“ concept as the Japanese form, kodoku, is in Japan; it is most certainly not associated with "training Feng Shui masters.”

And Aileen’s game being a Chaturanga variant is, conceptually, fine. And honestly, I kinda like her as a character. What’s... not good is how her having statues of Hindu deities in her apartment is written into the episode to be practically framed as a red flag, suddenly emphasing her Indian-ness in contrast to her more “familiar” Canadian-ness. And her having a pet attack tiger is just... do I have to say anything?

But I feel it’s got to be possible to execute the “different cultures keep fucking inventing this” concept while making it clear “this isn’t any more Normalized and non-taboo for Egypt/China/India/etc than it is for Japan or Europe.”

...On a different, lighter note, early Yugioh’s games often also suffer from Duel Monster’s Calvinball Syndrome and “Everyone plays like a Timmy even when it doesn’t make sense” syndrome. This would probably have continued to be an issue even if Yugioh hadn’t become a card game commerical. But can you imagine if the series’s middle stretch had gone into exploring this, instead of focusing on a singular TCG? At the very least, there would be less monotony.

[teniente-lesaro]

I'm kinda upset rn

Pixar needs to contact me because i think i just dreamed a blockbuster his movie

I just had a dream about a movie about cavemen/aliens/dinosaurs (possibly a combination of all three who knows, i don't, and it was my dream)

The main focus was this family, (mom, dad, preteen girl, small child boy) and this new commer (preteen boy)

It took place on this strange floating desert island that was largely dangerous because it had many deadly creatures and the terrain did strange things that couldn't (any never would) be explained.

It seemed like there were lots of remains of a technologically advanced species before them

Character descriptions are this

The dad is super silly and makes a lot of bad dad jokes, he loves his family so much and he acts a bit stupid even tho he isn't, he is however wildly and incredibly strong

The mom is very kind but mildly exasperated with everyone, tho the parents are a Team she seems to be the Leader of this group, she's the one that's most suspicious of this new boy. She is incredibly smart and resourceful

The preteen girl is wild and curious but she feels a little held back by her family, she wants to properly stretch her legs and she thinks she can do that better without them. She has a bag filled with things that's she's collected and she's desperately trying to figure out what happened to the world that made it this desert wasteland

The little kid is very sweet and innocent, he's just as curious as his sister but he obviously is much more clingy to his family (as small children are)

The new kid is both distant and clingy with the family, he has moments with each of them that really show how well he fits in them but there's something off about his behavior that is revealed at the climax of the movie

There are a couple other families that are met but not important to the plot at large, mostly there to show that there's other people and the protective nature of the mom

The lackey group of about five people two of which has zero lines but have a weirdly impactful Moment with either teen boy or teen girl, the Leader of the group ends up being the smallest guy who you don't realize is the leader until either teen girl or teen boy get captured. You find out then that these guys are just bounty hunters trying to do their job but maybe their job isn't worth doing if it means they have to kidnap kids. The last two are the comic relief of the movie that bicker a lot. The guy who is lanky and tries to lower the tension a lot by saying witty things like "oh we thought you two might come here for the romantic view" and the lady who is buff and seems like the primary brute force and also seems like she might be the group leader at first

Then theres the villain he has this whole thing with being "The Real Hero of The Story" and he's incredibly suave and smart and arrogant. But he's vindictive and cruel

From what I can remember the main plot was that the villain essentially caused a curse over the land by not fulfilling his side of the deal with the gods, a deal he made to win the war (like a hundred years ago and it's never said what the war was about)

The curse caused everything to be this desert wasteland but also curse him to this undead state of entropy and pain

He's the one that sent the bounty hunters after the teen boy

So this kids running away and stumbles upon the family they have these nice bonding moments and altho the mom is suspicious of him, she warms up to him just before the movie climax

A lot of the early part of the movie is him being really knowledgeable about the architecture, archeology, and ancient technologies while girl is really knowledgeable about survival, scavenging, and he deep fascination with knick knacks. All that while being subtly hunted by the lackeys

The tension starts the rise when the family finds out the lackeys are after the boy specifically and that they aren't going to stop until they've gotten him

The climax begins while mom and dad are arguing about whether or not boy can stay with them

Mad that mom and dad might make boy leave, girl starts ranting about how unfair it all is but boy argues that mom and dad are right to want him to leave, he is dangerous to have around

They get into a fight as well and her bag of knick knacks gets destroyed or lost down a ravine in the kerfuffle

She gets so incredibly mad and runs off (the audience should be mildly upset about the bag as well since it represented her hopes and dreams)

She gets grabbed by the lackeys and the lackeys confront the family with her

The mom who had been about to side with "We need to let this boy stay. He's just a child and he shouldn't be alone." Turns on the boy

Trying to explain his actions but giving up half way through the boy says something like "I'm sorry you got hurt, i was being selfish." Before trading himself with the girl.

They hand the boy over to the main villain and he does his villain monologue where he explains everything and how boy has the missing piece and knowledge to fix everything

How if boy stops being selfish the world could be a wonderful place again (with villain as it's protector and leader)

Cut to the lackeys at a bar or watering hoke or something and theyre talking about how the boy is probably going to get killed and how it's fucked up that this is their job and how many families did they destroy doing this guys bidding and is the money really worth it

And family over hears this and mom goes full Mom™ and is like YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW!

And the lackeys explain that villain could fix the world but if he did that he wouldn't get unlimited power and how once the archeologist/research scientists realized this many of them tried to hide how to fix the Thing™ and villain killed them for it

And how Boys mother was one of those people and they didn't know that her kid was watching when she died but villain figured out that boy stole a piece

And now that's the only piece needed to finish the Thing™

Cut to boy puting the Thing™ together and suddenly getting visions of the Gods that did this all, he can't see their faces but theirs voices come through, they ask what he desires

At the last moment one Goddess calls him a brave boy and he says he's just selfish

And she says perhaps and kisses his forehead and for a moment he has his mom back and she's there and alive and she's wonderful and it's all he's ever wanted and maybe they aren't survivalists like the Family™ but he could take her to them and

And then he thinks about how the family struggles so much just to have food and water and how the world could be plush with greens and Life and he could ask for that but

But he wouldn't get his mom back

And he starts crying and apologizing and his mom kisses his forehead and says that's it's okay and he'll be okay and she sings a lullaby that he was humming early in the movie and they hugs so tightly and desperately

Then cut to the family and the lackeys doing a cook but of breaking in to the villains lair and kicking butt and and they find the boy

But he's holding the Thing™ and his eyes are glowing and the villain says it's too late that once the life is sucked out of the boy he'll finally get his power and that he'll be a benevolent king

And you see the power of the gods start to fill the villain and

Cut to the boy and it's just him and the goddess asks him again, this time with a voice quite like his mother's, "What do you desire?"

Tears drip down his face and he mumbles out a small sorry

Cut too light filling the room from the tech but it's way too much

And lanky lackey says "it's gonna blow!"

And villain realizes he's being destroyed not made anew

And mom grabs the boy and they run

It explodes!

Then darkness and voices, his mom's voice!

He sits up quickly but!

It's not his mom, his mom is dead

But the world, the world isn't dead anymore and that's enough

As the movie winds down and you find out that lanky lackeys repeated comments about girl and boy being romantic were just him projecting because he wants to be romantic with buff lady lackey

The family are having a sweet moment about seeing their differences and loving each other and mom looks over and sees boy, sitting alone, looking at the Thing™ in his hands

Dad speaks up and says hey kiddo, we've got room for more over here

And boy runs over and hugs them

And it's not his mom, so it'll never be perfect

But it's enough, and he thinks she'd be happy to know that

Then cut to like five years later, boy and girl are still Just Friends (i cannot stress this enough) but they're older and wiser and even more of a handful for mom and dad

Buff lackey has like a mentor thing going on with the small kid and lanky looks dreamily on at his wife with a child

And the world is beautiful, and their home is plentiful and filled with laughter, and their community is happy and healthy

And many things were lost, and it isn't perfect, but it's enough

And that was the low down of my movie dream

Pixar hit me up

[simptasia]

while you were dissing expose like a chump, i was out here fighting the real enemy... fire + water

[lilacsandmarigold]

Some of my finest works. Call the MFA.

[lizbotw]

I FORGOT MASTERCHEF IS ON TODAY

[tarantinosfavfoot]

please.... I'm begging you.... watch this

[qutiesquish]

“Hexed Child”

Chapter One Chapter Two/ch3

Prompt: a child ends up in the Entity’s realm, in the cursed hell where those who had already suffered enough in life had been chosen to suffer for eternity, a hell where they had to kill or survive, and make constant sacrifices. How well will they handle having a child to take care of in this constant game of death.

Authors Words:

I have chapter 2-4 currently posted on Quotev, I will soon release this to Wattpad aswell! Anyways, hope you will enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it!<3

Pronouns: not sure if I specified in this chapter actually, but it will be male reader

Warning(s): strong language

Black smoke clouded the sky.

Survivors and killers across the ‘safe realm’ all know what this means. A new survivor, a new killer, and a new map that they would have to learn about.

At least, that’s what they expected, but when neither the killer nor survivor campsite watched a person walk out of the forest and into the campsite as what would usually happen, they knew something was wrong. Really, really, wrong.

Normally a new person, or creature, would walk out of the forest line and into their respective campsite, where they would then be explained about what’s going on.

So when that didn’t happen after a few minutes, people had concluded something had gone wrong.

——

Survivor’s Campsite

——

“What do we do? The new survivor hasn’t shown up? What if they got attacked by the new killer?!” A man with glasses, otherwise known as Dwight, asked shakily.

“Yeah, it’s weird.. really weird.” A red headed athlete said, throwing suspicious glances towards the tree line.

“Calm your horses, everything should be fine, right guys?” A blond with cowboy boots said, trying to reassure people.

“Maybe-“ A muscular man started, only to start fading.

“David- Ah!” A girl with black hair and blue & black athletic wear yelped as she too started to fade.

“Ah fuck, me too?!” An old man cursed quietly as he started fading not long after Feng.

“Bill!” The only witch survivor shouted.

A girl with a pink shirt looked around frantically. “That was only three of them! Who’s the fourth one?!”

All the other survivors looked around, all muttering and trying to see who else had been summoned for the trial, then it hit them.

‘The new commer!’

——

Killer’s Campsite

——

“Where’s our dazzling new killer?!” The k-pop killer complained. His impatience showing severely.

“Shut the fuck up screaming kink! No one cares!”

“Says the peporoni burn victim!”

The two killers starting to get up in each other’s faces, weapons drawn. Both trying to size the other up.

“Wanna say that again fuckface?!”

“My face is gorgeous thank you very much, if anyones a fuckface it’s gotta be you right?~ I mean… have you seen yourself Freddy?~” The purple haired idol laughed.

“I’ll fuck your “gorgeous” face up you asshat-“

Freddy was cut off by a hatchet.

It had been thrown right between the two arguing killers. The one who threw the weapon bore a painted bunny mask.

The Russian woman huffed and walked towards the two males, she stared down at them.

The idol backed down and laughing it off with a “yes yes, sorry darling” and walked away.

Freddy however, decided to try and face off with the Huntress that stood before him.

Though he was immediately pushed to the side as the Huntress grabbed her hatchet and pushed Freddy again as she went back to where she was once before, not after mumbling something in Russian.

As the woman sat down the killers who had been secretly watching the interaction, lowkey craving some kind of action, went back to what they were doing before. Nobody noticing that the bright and sinister idol had dispersed into a dark mist, fading away.

——

Campsite

——

David, Feng, and Bill looked around the campfire, of course they could see the killer out past the forest line, but they couldn’t see who it was completely as the entity wouldn’t let them.

Then they realized something, there wasn’t a fourth survivor.

Maybe the Entity was still choosing someone for this match? But then-

That’s when they noticed, off to Feng’s right there was a puff of black smoke, and black shiny like claws.

Was… was the fourth survivor in there?!

The killer, otherwise known as the Trickster, noticed this and held back a laugh.

Was this the new survivor?!

Did they have a perk that kept them hidden during the start up so that way the killer doesn’t know who it is or what they have?

Although it was a good theory, Trickster had no idea that the other survivors couldn’t see the fourth survivor either.

Trickster watched as the three survivors he could see make their offerings to the Entity using the fire pit.

Bill had brought a green toolkit, with only god knows what on it. Feng had a yellow med kit, had she just been saving those or did she just have that many?! And then there was David, thick skulled David who had brought a map.

Trickster decided to pull up his perk list and decided to switch some things out, bringing Hex:Ruin, Nurses calling, barbecue and chili, and of course, his personal favorite perk, star struck.

After everyone thought they were ready to go the game had started.

Bill had brought shroud of bonding, which allowed all the survivors to start the trial together.

David had also brought a shroud himself that would spawn them as far away from the killer as possible, that way they could have some time to tell the new survivor what was going on.

Though when they looked for the person they couldn’t find them, until they heard something start walking on the other side of the wall where they stood.

That’s when they saw him.

The new survivor… was a child.

[rupsmorge]

Hold Me, Please?

Spencer Reid x Gn! Reader

Summary: Spencer doesn't realize reader's rought day at work is the cause of their quietness. So being the genius he is, he starts spewing facts just to be inturpted by a sad reader who wants cuddles asap.

Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort

cw: hospital, discussion childhood cancer, death in childhood (lightly skimmed over), chronic fatigue & pain, cursing, case talk (made up case)

an: hi! this is my first fanfic so it's probably gonna be rough lol. My y/n's will most likely all have a chronic illness or disablity of some kind and a lot will mention childhood cancer or working in a hospital. Im disabled and rarely see y/n with them. Also my dream job is to be an oncology childlife specialist. anyways have fun & pls be nice to me :D

Spencer didn't think twice about you being quiet after coming home from work. He knew how fatigued you were after working long hours at the children's hospital. What he didn't know is that your silence wasn't because of fatigue or pain, but because today was bad. In fact, bad didn't even cover it- today was hell. Being a Child Life Specialist on the oncology floor had it's perks but it also has some rough downfalls. The hardest two are having newly diagnosed kids- because you know the grueling treatment they're about to experience- and the kids who's lives that have ended too early. Today, oh lordy, today seemed to be a shit show of both. There were 3 freshly diagnosed kids and one passing all in 10 hours. Its a lot to process and recover from and one way you cope is by become quiet.

Some days you just don't feel like talking. It's not always because you're exhausted or grieving, you just aren't in the mood for speaking. So it's not Spencer's fault for misinterpreting your silence.

As soon as you changed clothes and walked into the kitchen, Reid started to tell you all the new facts he learned from a mushroom documentary he watched. He followed you to the breakfast bar, leaning against it as he talked while simultaneously watching you make a warm cup of tea.

You see, today was a rare day Spencer had off. He'd been on a case in Maine that dealt with mushrooms being used in helping with decomposition. To say the least, the unsub was not a fun guy (fungi, get it? lmao I'm dumb) and the team needed a well deserved break.

And while you usually, almost always, love his factual rambles, all you wanted was for him to be quietly cuddling with you on couch as you watch Little Shop of Horrors. Being in his arms was both of you twos favorite thing. He loved to play with your hair as he held onto you while you played with the side seam of his shirt absentmindedly.

"I know you say it as a joke but I don't think we can say 'People eat dead mushrooms, mushrooms eat dead people,' anymore. The case really ruined it. Did you kn-"

You probably didn't know but at the moment you didn't care so you interrupted him- "Spencer, I love you. But please just shut up for a minute and hold me. Please?"

Wide eyed, Spencer immediately realized why you had been so quiet and moppey; today was a "bad one". "It was a bad day wasn't it? I'm sorry, love. Come on, let go snuggle."

And with that being said, he grabbed a hold of your hand and dragged you to the couch. Spencer layed down first, then pulled you on top of him, knowing you liked to lay your head on his chest. The sound of his heart's steady beat always calms you down. Once all snuggled down and comfy you opened up.

"Today was awful, Spence. So many new commers, so many families are having their lives flipped upside down. But we also lost a kiddo today. I know I can't tell you much cause of HIPPA but, god Spencer, I'm so fucking tired of seeing cancer take these sweet, innocent souls."

As you started to cry a little, Spencer lightly traced your arms up and down with his fingers. "I know you do bubs. I'm so sorry... How about we order some Mexican food and watch your favorite musical? Try to get your mind off of it?"

"That sounds perfect. Thank you, bubba. I love you and I'm sorry I told you to shut up."

Spencer lightly laughed at your comment "it's okay. I probably would of too if I were in your shoes. I love you."

You kissed him softly and quickly on the lips then nuzzled into the crook of his neck just as Spencer started the movie. Maybe today could be a little better than before, because in Spencer's arms everything seemed to be okay again.