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[daddiesdrarryy]

Pansy: All you need is for a Gryffindor to like you, Draco. If they like you, the rest will trust you, and then you can date Potter!

Draco: Fine. How do I get these wankers to like me?

Pansy: …

Draco: Don’t call them wankers

Pansy: Good instinct!

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Harry: I’m sorry I tried to kill you

Draco: It’s fine, Potter, but next time you should try harder

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Regulus: What are you eating?

James: Chicken fried steak!

Regulus: What? You can’t have chicken fried steak first thing in the morning, James

James: Hey, you knew I was a bad boy when you married me

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Sirius: Oh, my god, Moony, look at this sweater and blanket. It’s so cool that you still live with your grandmother!

Remus: I live alone, Pads. This is my stuff

Remus: I like quilts

Sirius: Stop…each sentence is getting sadder

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Ron: I love cooking breakfast. It makes the whole house smell like bacon

Blaise: That’s true, but it also smells like fire and panic, Ron

Ron: You and the smoke detector need to get off my case

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Barty: You slept with Potter?

Regulus: I didn’t know what else to do! He had those big, sad eyes. I couldn’t help it!

Evan: …sure, sounds like you had no other choice

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Harry: Thank you for inviting me to Draco’s wedding today, Mrs Malfoy

Narcissa: Yes, it’s no problem, dear

Harry: This is probably a stupid question, but who is Draco marrying? I haven’t seen them?

Lucius: You. You’re the fiancé. This is your wedding with Draco

Harry: Wait, what?

Lucius: There’s your officiant. This is your wedding ring. I suggest taking him somewhere far, far away for your honeymoon.

Narcissa: For a week

Lucius: Here’s some money, make it two

Draco, walking in: Oh! This is beautiful! Who’s having a wedding today?

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James: How do you feel about children?

Regulus: They’re okay, I guess. I mean, if I saw one, I wouldn’t throw a rock at it

James: Why would you throw a rock at a child?

Regulus: I just said I wouldn’t!

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Remus: Hey, there’s something we need to tell you. Pads and I are dating

Peter: Yeah, we’ve known about it for the last few years, guys, you two are inseparable

Sirius: Years? We’ve only been dating for a few weeks

James: Weeks? Then what the hell were you doing before that?

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Pandora: How have you been, Reg?

Regulus: Well, I’m under stress, I’m under pressure!

Regulus: The only thing I’m NOT under is James Potter

Regulus: Which is a bloody shame honestly

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Remus: So you and Pads’s brother are just sleeping together now?

James: Yeah, and I’m not great at casual relationships. I don’t want to scare Reggie off

Remus: Then just give him some space, all right? Don’t Floo, don't write him letters, don’t call

James: That’s crazy, Moony. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of him?

Remus: …

Remus: When do you see him next?

James: We’re having dinner tonight

Remus: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork

James: What’s the rubber band for?

Remus: To slow the bleeding

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Ron: You’re writing with your left hand?

Draco: Yes. I’m ambidextrous

Ron: That’s so cool, mate, love who you love!

*later*

Ron: Harry, did you know Draco’s ambidextrous?

Harry: Really? You think I have a chance?

Hermione: …

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James & Regulus: *kissing*

Barty: That’s got to be fun for you, huh?

Sirius: …

Barty: Watching your best friend suck the saliva out of your brother’s mouth?

Sirius: Shut up

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Regulus: Sirius! What did you do to James?

Sirius: I cut his hair and gave him a new look! It’s cute, huh?

Regulus: Yeah, it’s cute. That’s the problem. I don’t need other people to see him walking around like sex on a stick

James: He’s right. I’m too hot, Pads

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James: Okay, I gotta go to work

James: *kisses Regulus*

James: …

Regulus: …

Everyone: …

James: And, er, Moony, glad to have you back after the full moon

James: *kisses Remus*

James: Pads!

James: *kisses Sirius*

James: Always a pleasure

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James: Moony! Reg just taught me some French! Listen to this!

James: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

Remus: You just asked me to sleep with you, Prongs

James: Merlin, is that what that means?

James: …

James: Wait, does that mean Reg want to sleep with me?