“I was sixteen for twenty years. By September I will be a ghost.”
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"Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you've been ruined."
Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous
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the last motel before a decade's long purgatory, Silas Denver Melvin
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the secrets of beauty.
beauty is subjective,
that is what they say,
that it falls through the eyes of the beholder,
yet the way the moon shines upon the earth below,
how rain taps gently against window panes and roof tiles,
poetry read in a drowsy state by the subtle glow of a golden candle,
piles of orange and red and brown tattered leaves upon the floor in the midst of the autumn months,
fog steaming up glasses so that one can only make out the basic features of their surroundings,
the smell of freshly ground coffee or freshly baked bread,
laughs at jokes that have long grown old,
and stolen glances across rooms at those who you love
though you refuse to tell the secrets of your heart to,
beauty may just be subjective,
and it may just vary person to person,
yet in a world so full of wonder,
it is hard not to find the subtle beauties that are hidden within each second of each day.
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I sleep to try
And catch a glimpse
Of you
In my dreams.
-Z
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wish
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It was this day
I decided to undress
I peeled the skin off
To show my chest
I disassembled this ribcage rib by rib
A crimson splash marked the floor
With a heart ripped out of its seams
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I put it in your hand
With a scenario that you'll stay
For you to examine what the past made
To understand everything I've lost
For your fingers to experience the trust that became frost
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And just when I thought you straightened your arm
To put it back in its place
You just stopped
A few centimeters from where my heart should rest
And you squeezed it right in front of my face
Like it was just a simple dog's chew toy
A shapeless slime of gore left in your palm
Its contents casually dripping down your forearm
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I sit here
With fire in my chest
Because the crows are ripping out all the flesh
To the bone
Leaving no organ left
It's because I let you see me undressed
Undressed
Undressed
Undressed
Undressed
Undressed from the facade of a smile
Undressed
Undressed
Undressed
Undressed
Building this wall again will take me a while
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— Literary Villain / Nocturne
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As darkness of night descends,
my only source of light is a tandem.
Divided by the withered glass,
Only one shone onto me,
nearing the frame of my face.
But the blaze perverse did not reflect
the light that gleans on my now contorted body.
Instead, fashioned a devilish haze,
through the intoxicating scent of lemongrass.
Lifting from the candle’s waxy flesh,
crawling into my nose with momentary bliss.
The wilted flare now ebbing extinction,
the shadows cascading further onto me.
The blackened wick, amity.
Suffocation, silence,
I search for you no longer.
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You can never put it back together like it was.
Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
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— David Cronenberg, Consumed
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"I need a father, I need a mother, I need some older, wiser being to cry to. I talk to God but the sky is empty."
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
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I want mutual obsession, I want to be the hunter and to be hunted. I want to be the cause of your desires, your horrors, your sins. I want, as a parasite, to possess and feed on your mind, your body and your soul; I want to have so much of me in you to the point of driving you insane, to the point where you and I begin to merge. Do not spare yourself, I want you to do the same to me: haunt me, alter me with your attentions and with your word, subjugate my will, ruin me, disgust me, condemn me to love you. And let's love and hate each other to death, but let's love and hate each other through death and after; I am yours and you are mine, for eternity.
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Been thinking about you again
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