#deaf!jim

[steviewashere]

Thinking of Deaf Steve Harrington assigning name signs to all the people in his life. As a hard of hearing person with deaf family members, here are what I think they would be (with links to referenced initial signs):

(shout out to handspeak for their incredible online dictionary)

Robin: ROBIN (quite literally just the sign for the bird, robin)

Dustin: SMART + D (instead of an open-8 handshape away from the temple of the forehead, the open-8 handshape opens to the letter 'D')

Lucas: BASKETBALL variation one + L (instead of a 3 handshape, it would be replaced with the letter 'L', the movement almost like finger guns)

Erica: AMERICA + E (instead of the open-5 interlocked handshape, it would be interlocked letter 'E' with the thumbs tucked in)

Eddie: MUSIC + E (instead of the closed-5 handshape, it would be the letter 'E') or DARLING (this is only if they're dating)

Nancy: N + Y (letter 'N' then letter 'Y') or SWEETHEART (this is only if they're dating)

Hopper: MUSTACHE variation Handlebar (this would be the third video under styles of mustache)

Joyce: J + C (letter 'J' then letter 'C')

Jonathan: J + N (letter 'J' then letter 'N')

Mike: M (shook side to side like the sign for BATHROOM (second video))

Max: RED (just the sign for the color red, gets the nickname from Eddie) or M + X (letter 'M' then letter 'X')

Eleven: 11 (sign for the number eleven, flicking the index finger and thumb, but facing yourself—the rest of your fingers are closed)

Will: W + L (letter 'W' then letter 'L')

Argyle: Fingerspelled

[theinfinitedivides]

just got the most devastating idea for a Pathaan photo edit and tho i cannot operate Photoshop/Photopea to save my life i am going to try. yes i am

[bootleg-nessie]

Rating band names based on their accuracy:

(I keep updating this list so check back later)

The Beatles: 3/10. None of these people are beetles, they’re just a bunch of fruity guys from Liverpool with matching haircuts

(Edit: changed from 0/10 to 3/10 because John Lennon beat his wife)

Pink Floyd: 4/10. There is not a single person named Floyd in the band, but some of the members do arguably look kinda pink

Nirvana: 10/10. Getting high and listening to Nirvana is roughly what I imagine actual nirvana to be like

Foo Fighters: either 0/10 or 10/10. I have never seen foo in real life so either they’re pretending to fight a problem that doesn’t exist or they’re doing an absolutely fantastic job of fighting it

The Eagles: 0/10. Same as the Beatles, there is not a single eagle in this band. The name is misleading and we have all been lied to

Queen: 6/10. Partial points for Freddie Mercury

Led Zeppelin: 0/10. I don’t think any of these guys have ever even seen a zeppelin, let alone one made of lead. A lead balloon would crash faster than my hopes and dreams

The Rolling Stones: 3/10. There is not a single stone in this band. Some points added because I’m pretty sure they rolled quite a few

U2: 0/10. Despite what the name says, I am not a member of this band

Metallica: 9/10. Naming a metal band “Metallica” is like naming your dog “doggy”

Red Hot Chili Peppers: 2/10. These guys are not chili peppers. They’re not even that hot, let alone red hot

Guns N’ Roses: 0/10. How the fuck could a gun or a flower play music

Backstreet Boys: ?/10. Depends entirely on their current given location

Simon and Garfunkel: 10/10. No notes

The Doors: 1/10. Jim Morrison is kinda shaped like a door tho

Chicago: 4/10. The number of people in this band does not come even remotely close to the population of Chicago. Points added because it originated in Chicago

Earth, wind, and fire: 2/10. This is even more innacurate than Chicago. Points added because wind instruments were often used

Def Leppard: 3/10. There is not a single leopard in this band. Some of the members are probably kinda deaf by now tho

The Beach Boys: ?/10. Accuracy depends entirely on location

The Black Eyed Peas: 6/10. Not sure what the hell an ‘eyed pea’ is but the black part is pretty accurate

Imagine Dragons: ?/10. Depends entirely on whether or not they’re thinking about dragons.

Cage the Elephant: 1/10. Why would you do that. Let the elephant go

Green Day: 0/10. They’re not even green

The Police: 0/10. There is not a single cop in this band

KISS: 5/10. I’m sure they probably kissed sometimes

The Monkees: 0/10. Are you fucking kidding me

We Butter the Bread with Butter: 8/10. I can’t verify this but I have no reason to suspect that they’d lie. Butter seems like the most logical thing to butter bread with

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard: 0/10. I got really excited about the concept of a lizard wizard only to be let down. My disappointment is immeasurable

They Might Be Giants: 5/10. I googled everyone in this band’s height, the tallest guy’s only 6’1 so I wouldn’t exactly consider him a giant. Then again, I can’t really argue because the claim was only that they MIGHT be giants

The Presidents of the United States of America: 2/10. None of these people are Joe Biden nor are any of them former presidents. This is incredibly misleading. I’m pretty sure “Lump” was written about my first girlfriend tho so I’ll give them a point or two

Gorillaz: 2/10 Not quite but we’re kinda close genetically so I’ll give them partial credit

The Killers: ?/10. I have no way of verifying if they’ve actually killed before but the fact that they’re not in prison tells me probably not

The Offspring: 10/10. These guys are definitely somebody’s offspring

Arctic Monkeys: 1/10. They are neither monkeys nor are they from the arctic

Thirty Seconds to Mars: 1/10. It takes WAY longer to get to mars than that

Beastie Boys: 8/10. They’re pretty beast on the guitar

Jimmy Eat World: 1/10. Slow the fuck down Jimmy, you’re biting off way more than you can chew

Hole: 9/10. One point deducted because I’m pretty sure they had more than one hole

Rage Against the Machine: 10/10. They did exactly that

Alice In Chains: 0/10. This is illegal. Let Alice go

The Band: 10/10. This could not possibly be more accurate

Nine Inch Nails: 1/10. I can’t find any good pictures of their feet but from what I can tell their fingernails definitely aren’t nine inches long

Bush: ?/10. Not quite sure about this one, felt uncomfortable asking

The Who: 2/10. I’m not dealing with this “Who’s On First” bullshit

Radiohead: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a radio for a head

Queens of the Stone Age: 0/10. This band should be called “five random dudes from the modern era” but FRDFTMA is a bit of a mouthful

Soundgarden: 2/10. Sound does not grow in the garden

Sonic Youth: 5/10. They’re not exactly youth anymore but the sonic part checks out

Talking heads: 8/10. There’s more to the band than just a bunch of disembodied heads but the heads do tend to talk

The Cranberries: 0/10. Decent music but I only added them so that the Beatles and Freddie Mercury weren’t the only fruits on this list

The Wiggles: 8/10. They do tend to wiggle a lot

Blue Man Group: 10/10. Yep!

Weezer: 5/10. They all look like they definitely have asthma

Limp Bizkit: 3/10. While the visual image of baked goods playing the guitar is hilarious, Fred durst is not a biscuit. Points added because he probably has erectile dysfunction

Stone Temple Pilots: 0/10. None of these people are accredited as being licensed to pilot anything, much less an entire stone temple. Stone temples don’t need pilots anyways

Wasted Youth: 8/10. I guess it really kinda depends on how you frame it but yeah, they probably wasted a lot of it

Them Crooked Vultures: 3/10. These are people and not birds but Dave Grohl’s posture is kinda bad and John Paul Jones is so old that his neck kinda looks like a vulture’s so I added some points

Audioslave: 0/10. Slavery is illegal

Traveling Wilburys: 4/10. Sure, they traveled a lot but not a single one of those lying bastards was named Wilbury

D12: 6/12. There were only 6 people in this band

NWA: 10/10. I’m a little too white to safely comment on this one but I’d say they nailed it

Jet: 1/10. A real jet would be way too loud

Goldfinger: 0/10. Not a single person in this band has a finger made out of gold

No Doubt: ?/10. I can’t really be too sure how Gwen Stefani felt but I think it’s probably a safe assumption that she had some doubts

The White Stripes: 3/10. I bet if you stripped them down naked and made them stand shoulder to shoulder and squinted really hard they’d probably look more like white stripes

Screaming trees: 3/10. They scream occasionally

Garbage: 2/10. I think they’re being a little harsh on themselves, their music isn’t THAT bad

Butthole Surfers: 5/10. Not even gonna touch this one

Megadeth: 3/10. To be fair, some of the former members are dead but only a little amount of death, not mega death

Dead Kennedys: 2/10. Last I checked Kennedy was still dead but neither he nor his clones are members of this band

Cake: 0/10. The cake is a lie

Cracker: 8/10. Most of them are

Tool: 7/10. I don’t know much about their music but they sure look like tools

Counting Crows: ?/10. Is this what emo kids do instead of counting sheep? Accuracy depends on whatever bird they happen to be counting at the moment

Dave Matthews Band: 10/10. It certainly is

Oasis: 1/10. Their music is the opposite of an oasis

Blur: 2/10. They are not that fast

Barenaked Ladies: 0/10. If I wanted to be this disappointed I’d reestablish a connection with my biological father instead

Meat Puppets: 10/10. Technically, aren’t we all?

Live: 8/10. Apparently they still do live shows but I deducted some points because I’ve only ever heard their music on Spotify

ABBA: 9/10. I’m still not giving any points to Guns N’ Roses but that’s mostly out of spite

5 Finger Death Punch: 8/10 I guess it probably depends on how hard you hit them but this seems to be the usual amount of fingers to punch somebody with

All American Rejects: 9/10. They’re all rejects from America so I don’t really see any issue with this

T. Rex: 0/10. Even if any of these people WAS a T. Rex I don’t think their arms would be long enough to play their instruments

Free: 0/10. Unless you steal their music, in which case it becomes a 10/10

The Strokes: 3/10. To my knowledge, none of them have had a stroke but I still added a few points because the name was probably accurate for other reasons

The Smashing Pumpkins ?/10. Another thing I have no way of verifying but this seems like a waste of perfectly good pumpkins

Therapy?: ?/10. The hell are they asking me for? I don’t know their medical history

Twenty One Pilots. 0/10. There’s only two of them and neither is a licensed pilot

Finger Eleven: 0/10. Leave the poor Stranger Things girl out of this

Fall Out Boy: 9/10. I conferred with an expert on this one who confirmed that they are in fact boys who had a falling out

Cream: 8/10. Considering this was the OG supergroup I’m sure a lot of people did in fact cream when their music came out

Edit: humans aren’t fucking monkeys. Stop saying we are

[shitistolefromyoutube]

[bodhrancomedy]

(My previous cosplays were Varian from Tangled, Timothy the Deaf Vampire, a random Newsie & Tristan Thorne from Stardust if you’re interested)

[adobe-outdesign]

Nigel: The Muppets' Most Interesting Uninteresting Character

(This was supposed to be a fun little post about an obscure Muppet character but now I fell down a hole doing too much research and sunk cost fallacy won't let me live it down unless I include all of the useless information I've learned so enjoy knowing more about this character than you ever have or ever will want to know)

Nigel was created to be the host of the Muppet Show's Sex and Violence pilot instead of Kermit (who only appears in the pilot for like 30 seconds)

He was originally puppeteered by Jim Henson himself, giving him a vaguely Kermit-esq voice initially

Nigel Voice Count: 1

Nigel is a yellow... something. You’d assume he’s just a stylized human Muppet but in S4E18 Sam refers to him as a “thing”

He actually looks near-identical to a Fraggle minus the tail. I don’t know what to do with this information

Nigel was diagnosed with terminal Boring Personality disease due to the following attributes:

He’s very meek. Unlike Kermit, who will freak out and tell people they suck to their faces, Nigel raises his voice one (1) time and mostly relies on Sam the Eagle and Crazy Harry to deal with the assorted chaos

His face is flexible like Kermit’s, but he has permanently partially-lidded eyes that leave him looking exhausted in every scene he’s in

He’s generally unenthusiastic and seems like he wants to go home constantly

Jim Henson: The Works describes him as "lacking in spunk and charisma," which is hilariously cruel yet 100% accurate

What’s surprising at this point is that instead of scrapping him, he instead took on the role of orchestra conductor on the show proper, where he proceeds to do almost nothing for five seasons

The Muppets Character Encyclopedia actually provides a canon reason for this: Nigel lost the job of host due to his “shy manner”, and Kermit, feeling bad for replacing him, gave him his new job

He can technically be seen in basically every episode during the theme song, but aside from that, he often pops up in the chorus during songs

Which is funny when you consider he should be in the pit Doing His Job during those sequences

A quick list of his more important (if you can even call them that) appearances:

S1E2: He has Zoot play a song called “Sax and Violence” b/c pilot references

It’s actually implied the Mayhem falls under his jurisdiction as he threatens to fire Zoot, but this never comes up again

S1E24: Playing the part of a library patron noisily chewing gum (despite not having teeth. idk you figure it out). This one’s only notable because he’s wearing the same outfit from the pilot

S3E16: Nigel’s eyelids are not connected to the rest of his body and he’s facing backwards through the entire backstage segment so you’re uncomfortably aware of this

S1E23 has Floyd complaining that the theme song is cringe(TM), at which point it’s casually revealed that Nigel wrote it?? how is this character so important and unimportant at the exact same time

If you’ve seen this episode and aren’t deaf you might have noticed he has a completely different voice here. This is because John Lovelady has taken over as his puppeteer, presumably because Jim was busy Running The Entire Show

Nigel Voice Count: 2

Nigel has a talent for whistling, which is shown off in S2E18 during a performance with Floyd (this is the only time he comes on stage to perform that isn’t with a crowd)

He shows this off again in S4E18 to participate in the age-old sport of Annoying Sam the Eagle backstage

As of the 2011 movie Walter takes over as the show’s resident whistler because Nigel isn’t allowed to have character traits

He briefly shows up during the credits of The Muppet Movie (now puppeteered by Dave Goelz). Because of this, in the UK version of the end credits, he has another completely different voice

Nigel Voice Count: 3

After a brief background appearance in The Jim Henson Hour (S1E12), Nigel proceeded to completely disappear for 20 years

I’m guessing the reason was that his puppet was becoming unusable. The foam used for the muppets disintegrates over time, and his puppet was ~15 years old at this point

Things were particularly bleak for him in the 90s because Muppets Tonight came out with a new unrelated TV director character named... Nigel. Because Jim had passed away at this point and I think everyone working on the show literally Forgot they already had a character named that

Not that it would be that big of a problem, seeing as the chances of yellow Nigel returning were bleak. who was gonna spend time and money rebuilding an incredibly minor background character like him

TRICK QUESTION because he was rebuilt for The Muppets (2011), which is pretty amazing when you consider that he does Nothing during this movie

The new puppet looks pretty similar to the old one. I think the face is a bit rounder/more structured but I could also be losing my mind

(Side note: shoutout to whoever decided to give him a scarf in this scene. that’s such an unnecessary detail)

What’s great is that now that the puppet’s been rebuilt he’s shown up in a lot of stuff because they have no reason not to include him. Some of the more notable examples include:

The music video for OK Go’s cover of the theme song (which I certainly hope he would show up in I mean. it’s his song)

In the live shows (The Muppets Take the Bowl and The Muppets Take the O2) there’s a parade of overlooked characters, which includes Nigel. I just find it funny that:

A) The writers fully acknowledge that he’s King of the Background Characters

B) The in-universe implication that Kermit was like “no one knows who you are, wanna be in a parade celebrating that fact” and Nigel was like “okay”

His most recent appearance was in Muppets Haunted Mansion, where he’s dead (don’t worry about it). More importantly, he gets an entire shot to himself conducting some skulls, which I think is the first time the camera’s been focused solely on him in literally 40 years. Good job, buddy!

Here’s some other misc appearances that I couldn’t fit elsewhere:

He appears alongside Jim and a few other Muppets in a 1977 commercial for American Express (once again wearing his pilot outfit), which is particularly strange considering he’s the only character there that used to be puppeteered by Jim

In 2010 he got a somewhat important role in the first issue of Muppet Sherlock Holmes, playing the part of a butler suspected of poisoning the head of the house

He gets one whole page in The Muppets Character Encyclopedia from 2014 (right next to other Nigel). In addition to the aforementioned info bridging the gap between the pilot and the show proper, it also states that he’s susceptible to hypnosis and he trained at the Tommy Newsom Academy for Music and Charisma

In terms of future projects: there is both a Jim Henson biopic and documentary coming in the future (side note: why???), so it’s possible he might be discussed briefly in one of those

I have no thesis statement or reason for writing this, but I guess I’ll close out by saying that I find it fascinating that a failed main character from a pilot episode is still appearing in recent Muppet productions but solely as a background character. I hope that in 2073 I can put on some Muppet media and Nigel will still be there still doing absolutely nothing

thanks for coming to my TED talk

[shortpplfedup]

Yunno, I think because we're so accustomed to dramas not tackling the pandemic we haven't considered how the pandemic has affected our characters and their actions here. Like Heart says he has been deaf for 3 years and the story is set in late '22/early '23, meaning he went deaf around the time the world went into lockdown, probably intensifying his loneliness and isolation and his mother's protectiveness. That's around the same time Alan and Wen's relationship started to sour, probably because of the pressures of proximity, being shut up alone together. Uncle Jim's money trouble is probably directly related to the extended shutdowns, and not being able to earn during that time (but probably knowing him doing what he could to keep the community fed). The impacts of the pandemic are all over this story without being explicitly stated most of the time, and I really like how that's being done.

Edit: @isaksbestpillow added in the tags how it may have affected Li Ming too:

[weird-an]

Jim Hopper doesn‘t know what crime he has committed to be punished like this. But that‘s what you get from being a softie and taking in another stray in.

Billy is pacing up and down in the living room, spitting insults and mumbling incoherent sentences.

”I don‘t really get what‘s happening here“, Jim admits. He leans against the kitchen counter. He has been watching the teenager for 15 minutes now. He has no idea what‘s going on.

”I… I… bought that fucking polo shirt for Steve and now his parents came and gave him the same fucking thing. I can‘t find the fucking receipt. I spend so much money on it.“ Billy is nearly screaming.

”What?“ Jim asks dumbfounded. He feels like he is missing several things here. A polo shirt? For Steve?

”Are you fucking deaf, Hopper?“ Billy groans.

His foster kid is a drama queen, Jim decides.

”Why would you buy Steve such an expensive gift?“

Billy‘s face turns crimson red.

Oh.

Jim sighs. ”Get your jacket.“

”Are you throwing me out?“ Billy stares at him, eyes wide and fearful.

Jim rolls his eyes. ”No, we‘re buying your boyfriend a Christmas present.“

”He is not-“

”Can I tell him you said this?“

”No! Please, okay, he kind of is my boyfriend.“

”Let‘s go then.“

[sc0tters]

So Long | Quinn Hughes

summary: after years of no contact you finally reach out to Quinn, but in the way he’d least expect.

request: yes/no

warnings: swearing, mentions of death.

word count: 2.03k

authors note: so I’ve never written anything like this before. But it felt interesting and I rolled with it. Going through that “I don’t know if I like what I write” phase again so just bare with me for the next few days.

You were meant to be the girl where things didn’t work out.

Quinn met you during the summer of 2015. You were both still in high school and your family had just made the move from Tennessee to Michigan, where your father purchased the new lake house.

Quickly you two became as thick as thieves constantly at each others side. That was how your summers were when you two built onto your friendship constantly growing closer than you ever thought possible.

So it was no surprise when you both landed up at the university of Michigan where you were quickly asked to be Quinn’s girlfriend.

The whole Hughes family adored you much like how your family adored him.

You were in the car arguing about how Quinn intended on moving to Vancouver to join his new team, the Canucks “don’t you love me anymore?” Quinn felt his throat grow raw as the argument seemed to ensue.

Tears ran down your face as your heart broke at the question “of course I love you baby,” you reached out to grab his hand as you wanted to feel some kind of comfort from all of this but he instead decided to pull away.

Quinn stared out of the window watching the raindrops dance on the glass seeming unaware of what was going on inside of the car “then why are you breaking up with me?” His question rang through your ears.

There were many reasons that came to your mind, you were mainly trying to protect him as you hoped that he would hate you after this all. But instead you couldn’t reveal the truth “we just aren’t meant to be together.” In the logical part of your brain you knew that it was true, but your heart wanted to erase this conversation from your brain forever.

Your comment only hurt him more “you can’t mean that.” You were the first girl that Quinn opened his heart up to entirely, it was all in the palm of your hand and that terrified the eldest Hughes boy.

Quinn couldn’t even look you in the eye as he heard your sobs over the hum of the engine “I want you to be happy-” you made it sound like he needed more than you “I am happy goddammit!” Quinn yelled turning around as he flung his arms in frustration.

It made you choke on your tears as you shook your head “I need you to be happy without me.” It was tough for you to admit but some sense of comfort was going to be brought to you if you knew that Quinn had moved on.

It had been years since that moment in the car. Quinn tried to move on from you, but your abrupt exit from his life left the hockey player wondering how this is his fault.

Despite Ellen and Jim’s efforts to tell Quinn that you leaving was a choice that you made, it seemed to always fall on deaf ears.

So when your moms car pulled up to the Hughes lake house, it was safe to say that the whole family was taken by surprise when only your mom seemed to leave it.

She looked tired as her cheeks seemed tear stained and she carried a stack of letters that represented the way she felt carrying the world on her shoulders.

Ellen was quick to open the door trying to urge your mom inside for a coffee so they could catch up “I can’t stay.” Your mom sighed shaking her head.

Her hand seemed to shake as she held out five letters “I came to drop these off.” She explained holding them out for Ellen to grab.

It was clear that the blonde was confused but she still listened “send your family my best okay?” Ellen’s voice was soft as she could tell that something was up.

All your mom could do was nod before she made her way back to the car trying to avoid being in tears as she knew you would have hated seeing her cry.

Quinn was quick to run to his mom to see what happened “what did she want?” He enquired trying to figure out what was going on.

Whilst Ellen tried to piece the bits of information together she shrugged “I don’t actually know.” She mumbled realising that each of the letters were addressed to someone in the family: Ellen, Jim, Lukey, Big Shot, Love.

Ellen held out the final one to Quinn “I think that this one is for you.” She sent her son a comforting smile as the boy grabbed it from her hand.

His finger ran over the name inked out in black pen. You were the only one who called him that and it was in your writing, a style he would recognise from anywhere.

Quinn knew you didn’t like letters, they were weird and you always seemed to thing they were meant to tell some sad sob story. So it made him nervous that you had written one.

Ellen watched as Quinn shook his head “I don’t want to read it.” It had been all these years since you two last spoke, so why were you reaching out like this.

Surely if you wanted to talk you would have driven up to the house yourself “just give her a chance.” Ellen urged him as something in her gut told her that this was serious.

Rolling his eyes Quinn figured he’d listen to his mom “fine but don’t be surprised when I come back and tell you that it’s stupid.” Given his knowledge of your dislike for letters, Quinn hoped that he would find some kind of comfort there.

It was warm as the sun shone on the water “what are you thinking about?” Quinn asked as your feet danced in the water beneath the dock.

You smiled as you looked up at him “I always feel close to you when I’m by the water.” You confessed seeing his cheeks turn pink.

Quinn rubbed his elbow against yours “you make it sound like the water is our place.” Quinn couldn’t help but laugh at his comment before he went silent seeing that you looked like a lightbulb had gone off above his head.

It made you smile when you thought about it “when you miss me visit the water, and I promise I’ll be there too.” You proposed sticking your pinky finger out to him “you know what? Okay.” Quinn shrugged licking his finger with yours as he smiled.

𝐻𝑒𝓎 𝒬𝓊𝒾𝓃𝓃,

𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓁𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒾𝓉. 𝒜 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝓇𝑒𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓀𝑒𝓅𝓉 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝑒𝒻𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒱𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓋𝑒𝓇, 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝑔𝓃𝑜𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓁𝑒𝓊𝓀𝒶𝑒𝓂𝒾𝒶.

Quinn felt his heart drop as he read out the first line “what?” He asked feeling emotions all come flooding into his brain as he thought back to that summer. How on earth could he have not picked up that the love of his life was sick?

𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝒹𝑒𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒾𝓉 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝓎 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒾𝒸𝑒. 𝒲𝒽𝒾𝓁𝓈𝓉 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝒶𝓃𝓈𝓌𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉𝒾𝑜𝓃, 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝑔𝒾𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝑒𝒸𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒶 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓀. 𝐼𝓃 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓉𝒽 𝓃𝑜𝒷𝑜𝒹𝓎 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝒾𝒸𝑒𝒹, 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝑜𝓃𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑒𝓌 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓇.

𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝓎 𝐼 𝒷𝓇𝑜𝓀𝑒 𝓊𝓅 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓊𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝐼 𝓌𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝐼’𝓂 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒩𝒶𝓃𝒸𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒩𝑜𝓇𝒶 (𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝓃𝓊𝓇𝓈𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒 𝑔𝑜 𝑜𝓃 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊.) 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝓉𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝑒𝓇𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓈𝑜𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓈𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝓉 𝒾𝓉 𝑜𝓊𝓉. 𝒲𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒻𝒾𝓇𝓈𝓉 𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓃𝓉 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒹𝒾𝒶𝑔𝓃𝑜𝓈𝒾𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓂𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝓂𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝑒 𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒽𝑜𝓅𝑒𝒹. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝒾𝓃𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝒶 𝓈𝑒𝓃𝓈𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝒻𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝑒. 𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝐼 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓈𝓅𝑒𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊.

Quinn felt a tear roll down his cheek before it dropped to land on the letter. The hockey player still loved you, and it brought him some comfort that your time with him left just as big of an impact on your life as it did his.

𝐼𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝒜𝓁𝑒𝓍 𝑜𝓇 𝒞𝑜𝓁𝑒 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒽𝒶𝓊𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝓂𝓎 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓎 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝒸𝒶𝓇𝓎. 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝒶𝓁𝓇𝑒𝒶𝒹𝓎 𝑔𝑜𝓉𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓉, 𝐼’𝓂 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝒹. 𝒮𝑜 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝒽, 𝐼 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝑒𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓂𝑒 𝐼’𝓂 𝓌𝓇𝑜𝓃𝑔.

As unintentional as it was, Quinn couldn't help it when a laugh left his lips mainly when he read that last line. You could have told him anything, literally, this was your letter as you got to say your final goodbye. And here you were telling him you won at something that was never meant to be a competition.

𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼 𝒶𝓂 𝒷𝑒𝓎𝑜𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒, 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓁𝓈𝓉 𝐼’𝓂 𝒷𝑜𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓊𝒹𝓈 𝐼 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝒸𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒶𝓎𝒷𝑒 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓈 𝒸𝒶𝓅𝓉𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒹𝒶𝓎.

Not even two days ago had Quinn gotten the call, that day when he became captain, was the present. And it seemed to hurt him that two realities he never put together, he never wanted to put those two together. Where you were dead and he was captain.

𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝑒. 𝐵𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝒶𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉𝓁𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝑒 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝓏𝓎 𝒹𝑒𝓂𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝓂𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝑜.

𝐼 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝑜 𝒻𝒶𝓇 𝒻𝑒𝓉𝒸𝒽𝑒𝒹 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓈𝑒, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝒶𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓂𝒾𝓈𝑒 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝒶 𝓌𝑜𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓁𝑒𝓈𝓈𝓁𝓎. 𝒟𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓉𝓇𝓎 𝓉𝑜 𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝐼’𝓂 𝓈𝓉𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹, 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓁𝒹 𝒾𝓈 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝓇𝒶𝒷. 𝒴𝑜𝓊’𝓋𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒶 𝒽𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝒻𝓊𝓃 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝓌𝑜 𝑜𝒻 𝓊𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝐼’𝓂 𝑔𝑜𝓃𝑒.

Quinn didn't like the idea of moving on before, but now he definitely hated it. How was he meant to be okay moving on when there was an alternate universe where you never got sick and he was still with you "'s not fair." Quinn grumbled to himself shaking his head as he clearly disagreed with what you were trying to tell him.

𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒸𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶 𝒻𝑒𝓌 𝒹𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝑜𝓇 𝓌𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝑔𝑜𝓉𝓉𝒶 𝓂𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝑜𝑜. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈𝓁𝓎 𝓌𝑜𝓃𝓉 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝓎 𝒻𝓊𝓃 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝒶𝓊𝓃𝓉 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓈𝒶𝒹.

𝑀𝓎 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒶𝓁 𝓇𝑒𝓆𝓊𝑒𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓀𝒾𝒹𝓈 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓅𝓁𝒶𝒸𝑒𝓈, 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓈𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓂 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒. 𝐵𝓊𝓉 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓈𝑒 𝓈𝓅𝑜𝓉𝓈, 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝓇𝑒𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓀𝒾𝓃𝒹 𝑜𝒻 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝒻𝒻 𝒶𝓈 𝓌𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒹𝑜𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓀𝒾𝒹𝓈.

You always wanted to be a mother, it was something you dreamed about doing as you grew up. Quinn wanted to be a father as well and that caused you two to very quickly realize in this essence that your futures were more than likely connected to each other.

𝐼𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓂𝒾𝓈𝓈 𝓂𝑒, 𝓇𝑒𝓂𝑒𝓂𝒷𝑒𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝑔𝑜 𝓋𝒾𝓈𝒾𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐼 𝓌𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝑜.

𝒩𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓇 𝓈𝓉𝑜𝓅 𝓂𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃���� 𝓂𝑒 𝓅𝓇𝑜𝓊𝒹,

𝓎/𝓃 𝓍

Quinn didn’t know how to feel as he reread your letter trying to make sure that he had not missed anything that you had written. Tears rolled down his cheeks as his hands shook so hard he let go of your letter “shit!” Quinn realised what he had done as he reached out to grab the letter that was brought down to the lake by the wind. There was nothing left for him to do besides for just to stare at the letter as it absorbed water letting the paper get wet, much like his cheeks.

The battle between the water and the paper finally seemed to end as the letter paper began to rip.

As sobs left his lips he rocked his body back and fourth coming to terms with something he never thought he would have to worry about.

You were officially gone.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Moonlight Chicken is For the Queers

Ok I started my rewatch of episode 8 and figured out what I want to talk about for this series' finale: intentions and resolutions. This post will be about intention, and how I truly feel that Moonlight Chicken is a gift for queer people. Why? Well, there are many reasons, but for the purposes of this post, I will simply present the following title card.

Moonlight Chicken, Chapter 8: The Self-made House and Home

(if you are expecting this post to be anything other than a jumbled mess of my personal experiences with no clear through-lines or relevant transitions between sentences, thoughts, etc. then turn back now)

Whatever we want to say boy loves started as, fetish or otherwise, queer people are still able to see themselves or get comfort and representation. But coming from watching literally 25 boy loves in the last four months, this show feels different from most (not all) of them, to me, because of how strongly this show centers around built community, rather than romance, as it's central theme.

And yeah while any standard friend group in BL could be considered community in the abstract, the idea that they are a community is never quite presented. It's Team taking food from Pharm and all three of the gang teasing each other, it's Kuea and Diao spending most of their time talking about their relationships, it's Porsche forgetting Pete exists because he's so caught up in Kinn. More often than not we are building towards and hoping for declarations of love between two characters. And do not get me wrong, that is all well and good, and always what I'm rooting for in those shows. And we get something akin to that in Moonlight Chicken too, which is when you finally have Li Ming and Jim calling Heart and Wen (respectively) their boyfriends.

But the "I love you" we get in Moonlight Chicken? That isn't between the couples, it's between Li Ming and Jim.

Because the thing that makes Moonlight Chicken different from other BLs is the emphasis it puts on queer elders raising queer youth. It's about queer youth learning from queer elders and queer elders learning from queer youth. It's about how home and birth families don't always fit quite right, and how you build families and homes despite. And it's applicable to many people, children in abusive homes, disabled people, etc. too. Which is why P'Aof adds strained parental relationships and deafness in to this piece. But because this is fundamentally a BL show, I'm viewing this more through a queer lens.

So naturally, this also means I am informing my analysis of this show through my feelings as the only (known/out/visible) queer person on either side of my family. When I was little, a decade or more before I realized I was queer, I asked my mother one night if I was adopted. I'm not, and I know that, but why did I ask? Because I never really felt like I fit. Not the way I was supposed to fit, not the way family was supposed to fit together. My house never felt like a home.

And it's why I love this exchange between Wen and Jim at the end of episode 2

"I want home," "Don't you already have one?" "I don't." "A person like me doesn't fit to be anyone's home,"

And technically we know this isn't true. Wen does have a home, he has a condo, he has a place to sleep. But emotionally is where the problem lies. Wen is living with his ex, the apartment is cold, he has work colleagues and a friend that he and his ex both know and that's it. And as he tells Jim in episode 7, all his friends are straight. And then he meets Jim, and there is a spark, and maybe it's possible for home to grow there.

Literally, physically, I have a home. I have a family. But the more I embrace my queerness, the more I understand and am comfortable with myself, the more isolating and cold that house and family feel. I'm such a different person now than I was, and there are homophobes and transphobes on both sides of my family, and that makes it hard for me to feel like I am loved. Even when logically I know I am. But it's hard, when your mother says she accepts you and has yet to use my pronouns properly despite me being out to her for over a year and having three separate conversations about it. When your uncle spends twenty minutes or more complaining about trans people, when your cousins don't think trans people should exist. That's my family...technically. That's my home...technically. But it hasn't felt like that in years. So I understand what Wen means here, Wen's definition of home is not a place it is a feeling.

And Jim? We know Jim is already everyone's home. He is home for Li Ming, he is the closest thing to a parent that Leng has in his life, he makes sure the community not only has food, but has as much as food as they could possibly eat. He is first and foremost a community caretaker. But he is so wrapped up in his grief about Beam, his self-hatred, his stubbornness, his exhaustion that he is not able to believe that about himself. Home is a place and not a feeling for Jim, because he can't allow it to be.

The key to Wen and Jim's relationship is finding and building that home.

Home, Family, Community. These are incredibly important themes to Moonlight Chicken and those themes are incredibly important aspects of being queer.

I don't know how Thailand is re: homophobia and transphobia, if kids risk the same chance of getting kicked out of their homes for being queer, etc. But that is a very real possibility for many queer people in the States. But I'm thinking of homelessness in queer youth, how 28% of queer youth have reported experiencing homelessness in their lives. I'm thinking of ballroom and ball culture and how participants in the Ballroom scene were parts of Houses with mothers and fathers at the head of them who acted as mentors to their queer children. When I think about queerness and what it means, I think about ballroom. I think about connection, I think about community.

But that community is often forged from necessity borne out of isolation. What do I mean by isolation? I mean the isolation that Li Ming feels in school, around his school friends. I mean the faces Li Ming makes when his friends are talking about girls:

I mean the physical barriers the show places between Li Ming and his school friends.

It is the isolation that comes with queerness, with poverty, with everything about Li Ming. Beyond the fact Wen is a little younger than Jim and thus better able to understand and see Li Ming's desires to be seen as an adult. I think it is this state of listlessness in Li Ming is also something Wen recognizes. I think at this point Li Ming is so desperate to get away, to go to America, to be listened to and respected by Jim.

Jim who is too caught up in constant stress to see the home he has built for himself, Li Ming who is too caught up in wanting to be understood to appreciate that he has a home to run from. Wen who is working as a go between for Li Ming and Jim because he wants them to be his home. Heart who has been trapped at home and found his freedom because Li Ming understands the frustration of misunderstanding, and the importance of community.

I'm thinking about how so much of the final episodes are dedicated to showing community, showing family, showing the audience that home lies in the collective.

We see it in how many people rush to help Mrs. Hong:

We see it in the people who help you carry your grief:

We see it in how deeply and broadly the pain is felt when community pillars are lost:

We see it in the end of and era:

We see it in the olive branches:

And in new beginnings:

Very few people in these shots are connected through blood, but they are a family. And when I look at these shots the only thing I can think about is how I felt the night I threw a party for all my trans friends. All I can think about when I see these shots of everyone sitting and eating together is how many times I would look over to my friends and see them beaming. How many times someone came up to me to excitedly say this is the first time they felt like they could fully be themselves. How everyone kept asking to do an event like this again. How everyone kept asking to be added to a group chat at the end of the night so they could keep in contact.

And I remember how it felt for me to realize that I had built a community for myself in a place that I have really been struggling to feel was home. Because I had spent so much time in school and work, barley able to scrape together enough money to cover expenses, exhausted and stressed and unable to see what I had sitting right in front of me.

And I think about other queer people I have met, who light up when they see someone else who is gay, who talk about how lonely they feel because they only have one other queer friend. How immediately the need to invite them out, to introduce them to people, to make sure they have community strikes.

I think about how I worked at a summer camp out of state, and got to try out my pronouns, and figure out who I was, and then a few months later, I had to return home. Where I wasn't out yet, where I was going to get misgendered, and how quickly I came out to all of my close friends about my gender identity to try to mitigate how much my mental health tanked when I had to be someone my parents thought I still was. How at the same camp, the queer kids flocked to all the queer staff, how desperate they were to bond. How much lighter they got to be when they were away from their parents and allowed to be themselves around people who also understood not only them as people with the identities they held, but also their struggles existing in a household that didn't see who they were.

I think about how, in the States at least, "are you family?" is/was used as code for "are you gay?"

It's why it is so important to me that Moonlight Chicken ends with the line: "I just built a home. I don't want to move anywhere."

Because Wen has finally built his home. Because he has found his family, his queer community, his home. And yeah, we get the romance, yeah we get Li Ming and Heart holding hands, and Jim and Wen making out, but the emphasis of the final episode is moving forward, being brave, allowing yourself to love, and allowing yourself to stop, look around, and realize that you've made a home for yourself that is built of the people you love who love you in return.

Community building is a huge part of life for literally everyone, but it vital to the survival of marginalized communities. And when I think about my own relationship to queerness, one of the most sacred and important aspects of being queer is building the family you need.

[guzhufuren]

GMMTV Thailand 🇹🇭 A Guide to Some of the Best Queer Asian Shows

Full list here.

1. My School President high school setting; secret crush; school president/rebel musician

Gun is the head of his high school music club. Tinn is a school president and Gun's long-term rival. The Principal wants to disband some of the school’s “useless” after-school clubs, especially the music club. Per school rules, the student council president is the one who has the power to dissolve clubs. Gun is now at Tinn’s mercy, so he attempts to do whatever he can to persuade his rival not to cancel the music club. Little does he know, Tinn actually has a secret crush on him. Could romance brew as Gun makes a desperate attempt to secure the future of his band?

Viki (MSP) & YouTube (Our Skyy special 33-40) & YouTube (special)

2. Moonlight Chicken adult romance; age gap; deaf character

Jim is an ordinary guy running a chicken rice diner. One night, he meets Wen when he stays past closing drunk. Brought together by fate that night, intangible feelings arise. Neither can stop thinking about the other despite Jim's efforts to remain unattached. Jim also takes care of his nephew Li Ming, who is falling in love with Heart, a deaf teenager who is practically kept under house arrest by his affluent parents.

YouTube

3. Not Me revolution; freedom fighters; secret twins

When his twin Black is viciously attacked and subsequently left hospitalised in unconsciousness, White is unable to endure the harm done to his brother in silence. He learns Black was a part of a gang of anti-capitalist freedom fighters, and it was one of them who betrayed him. White disguises himself as Black to discover which one of them betrayed him and put him in a coma.

YouTube

4. 23.5 wlw; high school setting; secret admirer

Ongsa moves to a new school and meets Sun, a cute popular girl who she immediately falls for. However, she decides to approach Sun in instagram dms under the pseudonym Earth, leading Sun to believe she's talking to a guy. But Ongsa does not want to lose the opportunity to talk to Sun, so she decides to keep the fact that she is a girl a secret and continue talking as Earth.

YouTube

5. Bad Buddy (+ Zero Photography) enemies to lovers; forbidden romance; university setting; wlw side couple

Fueled by their parents animosity, Pat and Pran have competed with each other in nearly everything in life. In public, they are rivals, but behind closed doors the pair are open to being friends… maybe more.

YouTube (Bad Buddy) & YouTube (Zero Photography) & YouTube (Our Skyy Special 49-60)

6. Cherry Magic Thailand mind reading; secret crush; office setting

By still being a vіrgin at 30, Achi gains a magical power – the ability to read other people's minds by touching them. At first, he’s overwhelmed by his new ability, and it’s not proving to be helpful to him. But that all changes when he accidentally touches their office’s most perfect guy Karan, who he learns has romantic feelings for him.

No easy international streaming available to my knowledge, watch on KissKH. I also recommend watching original japanese show first, it’s listed in the japanese section.

7. Enchanté childhood friends to lovers; university setting

After living in France, Theo comes back to Thailand and he meets his childhood friend, Akk. Theo finds a book with a message welcoming him and signed as Enchanté, he becomes curious about who this guy is. Will Theo successfully guess who is the Enchanté in the university?

YouTube

8. 3 Will Be Free polyamorous trio; on the run; mafia

After an unexpected event that involves sex work and mafia gangs, three individuals find themselves on-the-run together as they attempt to escape death.

YouTube

9. Theory of Love unrequited love; best friends to lovers

Third year film student Third has been harboring feelings for his friend Khai. After three years of painful unrequited love, Third decides to stop, no matter how difficult it may be. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.

YouTube

10. He's Coming to Me ghost/human

After his death, Met is a ghost consumed by loneliness. That is until he meets a strange boy that can see him. The two bond in a state of happiness and joy as they develop into friends. But what happens when Met falls for the boy who is alive? YouTube

11. Last Twilight blind character/caretaker

Mhok, who can't seem to get his life back on track after spending six months in prison, applies for a high-paying job as a caregiver to Day, a young man with partial blindness. Day used to be a badminton athlete with a bright future who discovered that his cornea is injured and he will soon become completely blind. Day hires Mhok who—unlike other applicants—seems to take no pity on him. With so much time spent in each others' company, the two develop a deep bond.

YouTube i recommend to stop watching on episode 12 clip 3/4 timestamp 28:04, because after that moment the story goes for the “curing disability” trope and gets ruined, but it will not be ruined for you if you stop.

12. Be My Favorite time travel

Kawi has been in love with Pearmai since university. After receiving an invitation to her wedding with Pisaeng, Kawi spirals into regret. He uses a crystal ball to travel back in time to the age of eighteen to set things right with her. But everything turns upside-down. Instead of fulfilling his hopes and setting things right with Pearmai, Kawi somehow ends up in the arms of Pisaeng, Pearmai's future fiance. Thus begin their cat-and-mouse games with Pisaeng chasing after Kawi. Enraged, Kawi keeps twisting the crystal ball in an attempt to get his desired outcome. But what if Botkawee and Pearmai were never meant to be together? What if he was destined to be with Piseang instead?

YouTube

13. The Eclipse  high school setting; self discovery; corrupt school system; school president/rebel

Akk is a head student prefect in country’s leading all-boys school. Rumour has it that there is a curse that will punish students who disobey the school rules, a curse that grows stronger as the solar eclipse nears. Akk has to keep an eye on a mysterious new student Ayan, who regularly challenges the school’s norms.

YouTube & YouTube (Our Skyy Special 17-24)

14. A Tale of Thousand Stars (1000Stars) a second chance in life; village setting

After a volunteer teacher dies in a tragic accident, her heart is transplanted into Tian. He learns about his donor’s life through her diary and decides to follow in her footsteps. Now a new village volunteer teacher himself, Tian meets Phupha and as the two slowly grow closer, Tian notices his new heart beats quickly whenever he's near the man. Much like the heart’s previous owner, Tian cannot help but fall for Phupha.

Viki or YouTube (ATOTS) & YouTube (Our Skyy Special 49-60)

15. Only Friends queer friend group; messy relationships

A group of business students running a hostel together blur the lines between friendship and romance. Mew has been focusing on his studies, setting aside no time for sex and relationships. Upon learning of his friend's innocence, Boston introduces Mew to Top. What Boston intended to be his friend's one-night affair turns into something more and he isn't happy with the turn of events. Economics student Sand wants an exclusive relationship with Ray, but Ray has feelings for Mew. IT shop worker Nick finds nudes in Boston's phone and ends up in a friends-with-benefits relationship with him.

YouTube

16. Never Let Me Go rich boy/bodyguard; high school setting; mafia

Nueng is the son of a mafia leader. One day his father is killed and Nueng is forced to take the reins in his place. His mother appoints Palm, a country boy, to be his bodyguard and protect him from dangers in and out of school. However, one person would like to see Nueng dead: his uncle who aims to become the next mafia leader. Will Palm successfully protect Nueng from the dangers balanced by his uncle, as the two begin to fall in love?

YouTube & YouTube (Our Skyy Special 1-8)

17. A Boss and a Babe office setting; boss/intern

Cher, a vibrant aspiring pro-gamer, has just started his internship at a gaming company led by Gun, the uncompromising CEO. In addition to his gaming, Cher has an ASMR channel and it's those videos that coax Gun to sleep every night. As they continue to grow closer both in and out of the workplace, what will become of their striking connection?

YouTube & YouTube (Our Skyy Special 41-48)

18. 2gether (+ Still 2gether) fake/pretend relationship; university setting

When Tine is chased by Green, who he does not reciprocate feelings for — he ends up begging Sarawat, the campus’ most popular guy, to fake date him in order to chase Green away.

Viki (2gether) &  Viki (Still 2gether)

19. Cupid's Last Wish (+ Zero Supporter) farm setting; best friends to lovers; body swap; road trip

Korn and Win are childhood best friends. Conflicts arise when Win's father includes Korn in his will, granting him part of the family's farm's stocks and breaking up their friendship. Win gets into a car accident with his sister Lin, and wakes up to find his soul in her body. To return to his original body, Win sets off on a road trip to collect holy water across the country with Korn as his companion. Can this adventure get their relationship back?

YouTube (CLW) & YouTube (Zero Supporter)

20. Dark Blue Kiss (+ pre-story in Kiss Me Again) established relationship; university setting

(Taking off from the Kiss Me Again series) Pete and Kao have grown closer to each other in their relationship. Kao takes on part-time tutoring for high school students. With one of the students fueling Pete's jealousy, his relationship with Kao gets tested in several occasions. Meanwhile, the love story between Sun and Mork begins.

YouTube (Kiss Me Again) & YouTube (Dark Blue Kiss)

---

You can watch many shows for free on YouTube, and watch others on the streaming websites by setting VPN to Thailand. In other cases I recommend paying for subscriptions to show appreciation and support of content in order to get more of it in the future, but if you can’t, watch on KissKH (better quality), Dramacool or get files from MkvDrama. Enjoy!  🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[negrowhat]

Top 5 Moments of 2023

@befuddledcinnamonroll LET'S GOOOO

Heart's heated argument with his neglectful parent from Moonlight Chicken. It was such an AMAZING scene. I love that Heart refused to write down anything. Poor Li Ming was forced to translate all the anger and hurt Heart was feeling. You could literally see the guilt eating Heart's mother up when she realized that she couldn't even communicate with her own child. There was no excuse for his parents to not even try to learn sign language in the 3 years since Heart became deaf. It was one of the best scenes in that series and that series was FULL of amazing scenes.

YaiJom's last time in I Feel You Linger in the Air. It was so emotional! Tears and tenderness and love and anguish. Then they had the nerve give us that sweet YaiJom montage over the sounds of them crying and breathing. Like I'm hurt just thinking about it.

Ki Tae asking Lee Wan, "Have you been well without me?" in Our Dating Sim. THAT LINE RIPPED ME INTO SHREDS. That line held so much weight and that scene was so GOOD. This is the moment where Wan realizing the weight of his decisions to just disappear.

Jae Won punching his a-hole friend in The Eighth Sense. WE NEEDED THAT! I NEEDED THAT! HE NEEDED THAT! I can't believe that jerk thought it was appropriate to make a JOKE about something so sensitive! Personally I think Jae Won should've stomped him out.

Alan demanding his "pen" back from Jim from Moonlight Chicken. That scene?????? First ate that scene up. Devoured it. His whole vibe was "NOT THIS MAN-STEALING BROKE ASS LOSER COMING INTO MY OFFICE AND ASKING ME FOR A LOAN?" The way he was literally glaring daggers at poor Uncle Jim and bouncing his leg in agitation. And then when Jim was leaving with that pen and he coolly said, "That's my pen." Like gawd. So GOOD!

ASK ME MY TOP 5 ANYTHING FROM 2023

[transfaguette]

revisiting Detroit: Become Human for the first time since it released. I DO find many of the human/android elements really interesting and well done. The emotional beats between Hank and Connor are phenomenal and the most memorable part of the game, and frankly I don't think any game since has looked as stunning. But I really can't help but still cringe at the heavy handedness and appropriation of real civil rights iconography and slogans. They make indirect references to jim crowe, martin luther king, the underground railroad...it's just so tone deaf. Like you can make a story about personhood and marginalization without treating real ongoing societal issues like a problem of the past and slap them onto sci fi characters.

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Are you familiar with the Jones Town masacre? The Official Channel on YouTube did an episode covering it and Charlie (moistcrticial?) is so incredibly tone-deaf to the pro-communist message of Jim Jones. Jones, even in their coverage, was outright anti-capitalist, anti-Christian, and relocated to progressive San Francisco. Leftists today would subscribe to Jones' rhetoric, as they do with other mass murderers, and ultimately drink the "kool-aid."

A lot of cults from the 60s and 70s were far left, if not outright communist, when you look at what they believed. But because "cult" has religious connotations and many cults used religion to control their followers, most people tend to think of cults solely as right wing religious phenomena. And yes, leftists today would absolutely drink the kool-aid. You don't need any more proof than "Queers for Palestine".

[ppeonppeonhan]

Best 2023 BL Side Couples

Every now and then the side couple steals the show, and you find yourself tuning in for the 2 minutes they get per episode versus the actual plot. Here are my faves of the year:

Moonlight Chicken: Li Ming ❤️ Heart

While this series may not have made my top 10 this year, this couple did. I'm a sucker for "irresponsible person learns how to be responsible through acts of love for someone who is physically impaired" story lines. (See also Last Twilight.) So every sweet gesture that rebellious Li Ming made to make deaf Heart's life more joyful and inclusive, including learning how to sign, made whatever was going on between the lead characters, Jim and Wen, an afterthought.

Kiseki: Dear to Me: Ai Di ❤️ Chen Yi

I love when the smitten one gives up riiiight before their crush is like Oh wait, I like you too! Theory of Love is another example of this, but KDTM did it better. You never really grew to hate Chen Yi, and understood why it took so long for him to see Ai Di as more than a friend. Baby boy was not really giving off crush vibes. More like in desperate need of therapy vibes. Thankfully, Chen Yi was immune to Ai Di's hostility, proving he was his perfect match.

Never Let Me Go: Ben ❤️ Chopper

There was so much going on in this drama that this pairing barely got enough screen time, and yet by the end of the series, I was daydreaming about them moving abroad together and living happily ever after. Loving the Chimon x Perth era. Hope to see more of it.

Unintentional Love Story: Kim Dong Hee ❤️ Go Ho Tae

I actually found the main pairing a tad meh, and was far more interested in the childhood bffs turned strangers subplot. I mean, the minute Ho Tae attempted to learn Spanish to impress Dong Hee, who fantasized about having a Spanish lover, I was hooked. I could watch an entire spinoff of these two with flashbacks to their youth and how their bond originally formed.

Who were your faves?

[hargrove-mayfields]

Benny lets Steve work at the diner.

Nobody else would hire the kid who wore chunky headphones and couldn’t stand for more than an hour before he was crumpling under his own weight. Seizures, panic attacks, overstimulation.

Steve’s disabled, he can’t work full weeks, but he’s also restless. Billy provides for them just fine, but it makes Steve all twisty inside knowing he’s so dependent. Even though his partner promises it’s really, really okay.

They compromise by getting him out of the house to work at Bennys whenever he can; Benny who is super understanding of the whole situation and lets Steve work just two days a week, or less if he’s not able.

On his breaks, Benny will sit with Steve and just talk. About the diner, about life. About this crushing anxiety and insecurity problem of Steve’s.

He talks about a time when he felt the same way. Turns out Benny Hammond is deaf.

When he started the diner, he hadn’t had hearing aids yet, and there were many that insisted he’d fail. Almost thirty years later though he’s still going strong.

Benny even says that maybe thirty years later, Billy and Steve will be trucking along just fine too.

Steve gets all wide eyed and blushy, he didn’t realize Benny knew about him and Billy being a couple. That was supposed to be a secret. But maybe thirty years of sitting back and watching the people of Hawkins taught him how to spot that kind of stuff.

It’s a special kind of comfort, having someone older to relate to. To teach him the tricks of not being so insecure. To confide in about his boy problems without fear of being outed to everyone.

Billy gets that too in the form of Jim Hopper.

After Neil left, he’d been adopted by Joyce, and then Hop became his step-dad not long after.

He comes with Billy by the diner all the time. Pays for a meal and doesn’t say a word when Billy spends the whole time checking on Steve and watching him taking orders and things.

They have support now. Real support.

Even moved out on their own, in the big adult world, two terrified teenagers that grew up into slightly less terrified adults. And they aren’t ever really alone. They’re one phone call away from having an army of support.

They’re doing fine. Much better than they realized they could.

All because of Steve reaching out one day over a slice of cheesecake at the diner, for which Billy says he’s so proud of him. And as always, loves him so deeply.

————

We’re nearing the end of @harringrovemovember already you guys! Wow!! Today I’m excited to have wrote about male role models, this is one headcanon I hold really dear!!