#detransition positivity

[did-i-mention-the-shirt]

it breaks my heart that the detransition tag is filled with radfems, terfs, and sexualization.

[cozbunny]

a piece about my journey with womanhood

I used to identify as trans. I was confused about my gender ever since elementary school, and I used to never feel feminine. I didn’t fit in with other girls in my grade, and I felt I got along more with the boys in class. I would look at the girls sitting together and gossiping about who’s dating who, talking about makeup, hair, and new clothes they’d gotten over the weekend, and I found it boring and dull. Then I’d look at the boys, who were swearing at each other,  roughhousing, and just being “boys”, and I’d get jealous of them. I always wished that I was one of the boys.

In middle school, I started playing with my gender identity and trying new names, pronouns, and labels, to see what would stick. It was an incredibly uncomfortable time. I was surrounded by friends who didn’t take me seriously at the time and thought that me changing my name and pronouns a lot was me faking being trans. It was incredibly hurtful when my friends would ignore me or say I was faking it all, because I knew my feelings were incredibly real. 

At the end of 7th grade, after playing with my identity for what felt like forever, I finally settled on identifying as nonbinary. That label was the only one that made sense to me at the time, and it felt validating to be able to put a name to what I was feeling. I continued to label myself that way all the way until 10th grade. 

During the summer between 10th and 11th grade, something in my identity shifted. I suddenly felt more “binary” than in previous years. I wanted to wear makeup, jewelry, and even dresses. For God’s sake, I wanted to wear dresses for the first time since I was four! I wanted to be just like the girls that bored me in elementary school. I wanted to be a girl for the first time in my entire life.

At first, I was embarrassed. How could I have been so wrong? I felt like an idiot. Then, I felt anxious. All of the friends I had made over the years were all part of the LGBT community, so how on earth was I supposed to tell them I want to de-transition? I felt like they’d make fun of me and stop wanting to be my friend. 

I attempted to suppress my feelings. I tried identifying as nonbinary but presenting as a girl, I tried to say I was nonbinary and a girl at the same time, I even cut my hair and tried to look as masculine as possible. All of it made me feel worse, and I was depressed. I hated myself and just wished I had the courage to actually be myself.

After a while, I admitted to my boyfriend that I wanted to de-transition. I felt ashamed, but he supported me wholeheartedly. I asked him to start calling me she/her pronouns and referring to me as his girlfriend, and when he did, it all made sense. I was a cis girl!

My boyfriend gave me the courage to begin de-transitioning. I was embarrassed at first, but with time I got more comfortable with it. My friends from before did make fun of me, and even came up with crazy theories as to why I changed so much, which I was fine with because I wasn’t friends with them anymore. And for good reason. 

It’s safe to say that I’m much happier fully embracing myself for who I am, instead of trying to appease other people, and being ashamed that I was wrong in the past. It’s okay to change, and those who tried to shame me for that were stuck in the past and weren’t worth my time. I’m glad I’m me now, and not someone people want me to be. 

[missmastectomy]

“Ten spears go to battle," he whispered, "and nine shatter. Did the war forge the one that remained? No, Amaran. All the war did was identify the spear that would not break.”

- Brandon Sanderson: Oathbringer

[womenaremypriority]

imagine hating detrans people, no matter your political orientation. Like what is there to be so angry about here

[doomdoomofdoom]

This one goes out to

transfems named Alice, Jessica, Lily, or Emily

transmascs named Kai, Noah, Tyler, or Elliot

any trans person named Alex, Sam, Aiden, Charlie, Riley or

any trans person who ended up with a common trans name, knowingly or not.

You're valid and clearly have amazing taste: These names are popular for a reason! Your name isn't like a username! They don't have to all be unique! You don't have to pick the specialest name and set yourself apart from every other trans person to be valid!!

All that matters is that the name feels right for you.

You've chosen perfectly. Keep it up!

[detransition]

I enjoy being a detrans woman. There are downsides, of course, but they're mostly about how I look.

I enjoy having experienced radical changes in my worldview and knowing I'm fallible yet capable of learning.

I enjoy having gained so much perspective on the world, on my thought processes and on my emotional processes.

I enjoy the self-knowledge.

I enjoy knowing I have always done my best to free myself, with the means and knowledge I had at the time.

I enjoy the connection to other women like me.

I enjoy contributing to the narrative we collectively build around this kind of female experience.

I enjoy being a woman.

I enjoy being the woman I am today, my personal values and choices enabled by living several years inside a male-looking cocoon in which I had the freedom to discard everything I had learned about womanhood, one thing after another.

I enjoy rejecting the patriarchal idea of womanhood.

I enjoy learning to accept loss, imperfection, and regret.

I enjoy shifting my perspective from monitoring myself and my looks to interacting with my surroundings.

I enjoy learning what it is to be an animal, a living body.

And I dare to say, I enjoy the stigma, the attempts to silence women like me, I enjoy the potential for societal change we hold in our hands because we are the ones to contradict both the new definition of womanhood and the old oppressive idea what women are supposed to be: we are trans and not-trans at the same time, we are or were dysphoric yet cis, we are "masculine" yet women. We don't fit the categories we're supposed to. We will raise questions just by existing. No one would hate us like we are hated if we didn't hold the power to change the narrative.

from terra-feminarum | thinking of detransition? you are not alone

[detransisbeautiful]

misgendering cis people is still misgendering. many intersex, detrans, and gender noncomforming cis people are misgendered due to transphobia and misogyny, and it's not funny to misgender people who may already be regularly misgendered and experience gender dysphoria bc of it

[snekdood]

rewatching that video natalie made about cringe and she gets to a point where shes talking about how there were trans women using “cringe” trans women as examples of Bad Transgenders Which They Are Not and how they’ll go as far as to misgender and dismiss their transition to justify their exclusion. and i really think yall need to read this and internalize it and realize you’re doing this about trans men who talk about our oppression:

(in reference to the video clip she’s responding to, she says;) “Rose… gorg. Jessica Yaniv is not one of "the biggest characters in the world" at any moment. This is not a world historical figure. At the end of the day, this is a more or less random civilian sex fiend off the streets of Vancouver BC. The only reason anyone has heard of her at all, is that Vanessa decided to go full "To Catch a Predator" and turn this grimy reprobate into a minor anti-celebrity. She's not one of the biggest characters in the world. But it sounds like what she is Rose, is one of the important characters in your brain.

This is distorted thinking. It's like A-Log comparing Chris-Chan to Hitler. You're so deep in the morbid cringe obsession that you've lost perspective. And I'm sure you have what seem to you like perfectly logical reasons for devoting so much attention to this. And I know that videos about Yaniv get a lot of views, so I'm sure that's a factor too. But Rose, I also know a morbid cringe obsession when I see one. And I know that being a visible trans woman on the Internet is more difficult than most people can imagine. And I know that pretty much every trans person is bullied or shamed or humiliated at some point in our lives. And I know how good it can feel to take all the horrible things that transphobes and bullies and TERFs have said about us, and repeat those things verbatim about some “big, fat, fake, dangerous, delusional, disgusting male fetishist”.

Oh, it feels good to get to be the TERF for once. It feels good to be the judge rather than the judged. Because when you point the finger at someone else, you're also pointing away from yourself. And it's not lost on me that in conservative circles, queer people are often treated like suspected sex criminals by default. So there's safety in being the one who spearheads the “think-of-the-children” type moral crusade. And when you expose a trans predator, you get that feeling of safety plus the relief of having someone in particular to blame for the shame and the stigma we all feel. Jessica Yaniv is the reason people hate us. But that's just not true. It's a simple answer to a complicated problem. It's scapegoating.

When I look at the Yaniv obsession on trans YouTube, I see a community trying to cope with stigma and hoping that destroying a scapegoat will bring relief. It's basically a blood sacrifice. It's not rational. It feels good for a moment, but it's an addiction. It won't ever erase the stigma and the shame. And Yaniv is simply the latest and most deserving in a long line of bad transgenders who aren't real transgenders and are giving us a bad name and are the reason people hate us and must be condemned and destroyed.

But when Yaniv is finally gone, when you get her sent to prison or whatever your goal is, you're just gonna find a new scapegoat to take her place. And the shame cycle continues. The humiliation and bullying we've experienced is internalized as shame. When we project that shame onto scapegoats and onto each other, it becomes cringing and contempt. And we voice that contempt by shaming other people, which starts a new cycle.

So you can keep finding new scapegoats, new punching bags, new shamedumps, new lolcows, and you can wind up like one of the people who's been archiving Chris-Chan for 13 years. But that will never really heal us.”

‘n i kinda feel like thats whats going on right now....

[curlyybear]

watching my body become hairier and fatter and more full is the hottest thing in the fucking world. I am becoming a powerhouse of a man, I am becoming someone strong enough to carry my boyfriend but also someone soft enough for him to lay on. My presence cannot be ignored! I take up space!

[tricoufamily]

once again thinking about how easy it would be for me to be in a relationship if i was cis

[catocomet]

it wasn't love, it was lovebombing and gaslighting. trying to get everyone to believe in something impossible like changing our sex/literal DNA. if you "identify as" or "have pronouns" youre still in the gender soup, hun, you were never de-anything. don't pretend to speak for those of us who desisted/detransitioned due to regaining our logic through enduring psychological abuse from our fellow "trans community". whether you realise it or not you're gaslighting survivors with your "trans community is love" crap. it's about medical profits.

everyone has pronouns it came free with the english language. and also literally every other language that is gendered or has pronouns (most of them). i’m sorry trans people were awful to you but you clearly need to heal before interacting with their community

[better-next-luck-time]

ftm people: ive heard that transitioning can be a lonely experience just because of the different ways men and women are treated in society (e.g. women have a close knit relationships with other women even strangers, complimenting them and giving out tampons and advice etc. whereas men tend to keep to themselves [or if they can clock you they might avoid or target you] and its not uncommon for women to be afraid and even hostile towards men) From my understanding transitioning to a man can be a very drastic and sudden change and not always for the better, and thats not even including way trans people are treated in todays world.

im 18 and about to finally move out and become the person ive always been in secret and im kind of scared because this transition doesn’t feel like a choice because the way i am now feels unliveable but if i change will the world be inhospitable? is it worth it? will i be okay?

feel free to add any additions or personal experiences in the tags.

dont bullshit me please.

[womenaremypriority]

Kisses all the detransitioners who follow me on the forehead <3 remember to practice body neutrality and know you’re not broken. No matter your perspective and views on your own transition or the trans community, you’re valid and loved. Trust yourself and don’t ever forget to prioritize yourself in life.

[detransition]

thinking of detransition? you are not alone

[detransisbeautiful]

Can you explain what detrans means exactly?

my definition that I generally use is someone who temporarily or permanently stops or undoes their transition, meaning social, physical or medical transition.

this can mean part of their transition or all of it, as I've seen trans people refer to being temporarily forced off hrt as detransitioning, but while still maintaining the same social gender presentation. so it's up to the individual if they want to use the word detrans for their identity or transition experience.

now, there is a difference between core and non core detransition. core is described in this proposed typology as "In core or primary detransitions, the decision to detransition is primarily motivated by the cessa- tion of a transgender identity."

(important note that some still identify as transgender and a core detransitioner, either because they still feel that they're not entirely binary and count themselves as under the trans umbrella or because they still identify as transgender because of their journey or connection to the community, among other reasons)

non core is described as "In non-core or secondary detransitions, the decision to detransition is influenced by reasons other than the cessation of a transgender identity."

this is usually in cases of non supportive environments, money problems, or medical conditions that prevent transitioning. forced detransitioning is also included under this definition.

I hope this helps give a brief overview of what detransitioning means! if you have any questions please feel free to send another ask :)