#diet road map

[usbitnet]

How I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks: Intermittent fasting and keto

[detroitography]

Map: Detroit High Injury Network Map

Map: Detroit High Injury Network Map

The City of Detroit’s “Streets for People” campaign from the Department of Public Works (DPW) has identified the top roadways segments for severe injury from vehicular traffic (Figure 11, Page 23). The report notes that, “Detroit does not have a strong culture of traffic safety.” For major US cities, Detroit ranks #2 in roadways deaths and #3 for pedestrian deaths nationally.

[mushroomates]

aragorn headcanons:

sketches in his free time. likes to draw plants he’s come across, writes down descriptions for later. makes maps and draws animals.

cannot draw people, for the life of him.

except for arwen. draws her all the time.

used to very bland food, cooking on the road. prefers unseasoned meat, likes to taste the “natural flavor.”

dislikes nutmeg. cinnamon feind

favorite cookie is oatmeal raisin

has very grimy hands all the time. it’s never ending. even after he washes them, it’s like immediate dirt and grease

current theories are: his sword is just really dirty, his clothes are dirty so when he touches them it makes them dirty, or legolas’s favorite- humans naturally produce grime so the dirt is a natural protective layer above the skin.

in actuality it’s because he knows it grosses (some) elves out and likes to be a menace. specifically targets erestor. legolas will also go great lengths to make sure aragorns hands star far, far away from his hair

knows some card tricks. has great slight of hand specially because of these card tricks. didn’t really do anything with this until pippin discovered this fact and aragorn was forced (politely asked) to preform for the hobbits.

this is, in spite of the fact, that they all know a literal WIZARD (gandalf was salty at abt this “false magic”) and also a ring that turns ppl invisible??

sews. really well, actually. enjoys it but rarely showcases this talent- mostly patches and mends garments weathered by his lifestyle. would one day love to sew a dress for arwen but doesn’t know where to start

masterful at subtly deflecting compliments.

very generous with compliments of his own, but are again, subtle.

years of living with elves has made him quite reserved. yet, he is doing his best to unlearn this behavior. such examples include:

telling arwen he loves her. telling elrond he loves him. telling frodo he loves him. really just telling everyone he loves them. he’s even worse when he’s drunk- he rarely gets even tipsy, but under the influence of a fine wine (or mead, he prefers mead or ciders) he will get very emotional.

hugs!! aragorn loves to give hugs. he really tries his best but they’re a bit awkward at times. he’s getting better.

breaking away from the elven raw-diet and dine seasonings with grilled meat and more lately grilled everything.

he will try his best to cook for himself at any opportunity. it was a jarring shift going from being served gourmet eleven dinners to raw venison

love language is acts of service. he likes to cook for his friends, though he’s not as good as it as sam, who cooked a majority of fellowship meals, so he mainly hunts. then legolas offered his hand and gimli felt challenged by that and at this point boromir just felt excluded-

he just wants to do nice things for the people he cares abt.

arwen has not, for a good chunk of her life, tied her own shoes, peeled her own oranges, made her own tea, or woken up without breakfast being made or ready for her.

just. guys. he really really loves arwen. he will do anything for her and it’s almost obnoxious.

it IS obnoxious if you ask legolas. but this is why aragorn does not go to legolas for romantic advice. (legolas once told aragorn that the next time he ties her shoes he should tie them together so that when she falls he will catch her. this is why arwen stoped flats with ties and opted for anything she could slip on instead.)

will never cheat at any sort of game. he will get extremely upset if you accuse him of such.

he does not believe that counting cards qualifies as cheating. boromir strongly disagrees. he mainly sticks to chess, now

is not allowed to play chess with erestor, (sore loser and prone to trash talk) elrond (matches take to long due to overthinking on both ends and this annoys arwen to no end) and either of the twins (they cheat by working as a team)

would 100% believe in bigfoot.

[unknownperson246]

Can you make a vampire Izzy x fem reader where the reader is a vampire skeptic so she goes searching in the woods and finds a slightly run down mansion. She goes inside and finds Izzy but instead of being scared she's actually very interested in vampires. She asks Izzy to tell her everything different about a vampire body. She let's him drink blood from her and she starts flirting with him which leads to smut

🤍- PLEASE AND THANK YOU

Hii i hope you enjoy it ❤️

Fangs

words: 1,274

warnings: *smut* *vampire izzy* *blood* *cum play* *come eating* *p in v* *daddy kink* *oral sex* *f receiving* *m receiving* *fingering* *multiple orgasms* *slight praise kink*

☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆☆ ★ ✮ ★ ☆

You were skeptical about vampires; everyone believed in them except you. Your family all believed in vampires, and you were told that your great-grandparents were vampire hunters. Anytime someone brought vampires up you would scoff and laugh at them. All of the vampire movies and shows that you watched with your friends made you cringe and laugh. Whenever your friends would watch the vampire diaries with you you would just say “What a freak show” You mock your friends for vampires. Deep down you did know that they existed and you were fascinated with them. You had a map of their anatomy and you would lock yourself in your room for hours after studying all of their body parts. Your parents were concerned for you but they decided to mind their own business. After a while, you get the idea to go vampire hunting with your dagger that your great-grandparents killed vampires with. You searched your phone for places vampires are most likely to live in and it says abandoned places. You get in your car and start to drive and you stop on the side of the road finding an abandoned neighborhood with a huge mansion. It looked abandoned but it still looked like it was in use because of how clean the outside was. You get out of your car. You go to the front door and stumble on your feet for a minute. Your head travels up and you see how tall it is when you're near the mansion. 

“Holy shit this mansion is huge” You mumble after looking at how tall it is. 

“Fuck” You say as you open the unlocked door. You walk in and there is a chandelier shining bright. The light was on and you were smirking. “I know you're in here,” You say while holding your dagger. 

A vampire with dark hair and dark eyes appears in front of you.

“Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. My name is Y/N by the way.” You say.

“Oh, I know you won't. You can't because I'm more powerful than you” Izzy says.

“I know,” You say.

Izzy doesn't feel threatened and he gestures to his couch.

“Here why don't you sit down in my lap honey, My name is Izzy.” He says while he lights a cigarette

“Getting cocky aren't ya?” You ask him.

“Truth is I've been lonely,” He says while playing with your hair.

“I have so many questions for you,” You say, getting excited.

“Oh yeah? what are they?” He asks you while kissing your neck.

“So are your fangs like straws where they suck up human blood or do you just drink it as it leaks out?” You ask him. You get off his lap and sit next to him as he smokes his cigarette.

“Well, it's just drinking straight from the throat like how you drink water from a cup. The body part that vampires drink out of is just a cup of blood” He says while his hand grips your thigh tenderly.

“Tell me everything about vampire bodies” You demand. 

“Why do you want mine?” He flirts with you again.

“Well, when we walk in the sun we burn. Vampires are just like humans because you keep the same body when you get turned into one. The only different thing is how sensitive our skin is and how our diets are different from humans. All we can consume is blood. Vampires can eat like humans but it's not enough to sustain our bodies.” Izzy explains to you.

“Is that all you wanted to ask?” Izzy asks you.

“Yeah. Can I sit on your lap again?” You start to flirt with him.

“You can drink my blood if you want. You look like you haven't had any in a while” You say.

“I drink animal blood. I can never think of hurting a human.” Izzy says to you as his fangs come out.

His fangs sink into the side of your neck and he gulps anytime there is a large amount of blood coming out. You were expecting it to be painful but you found it painless. It took him around 3 minutes to finish drinking your blood. While he was gulping your blood you were whimpering and moaning. He throws his cigarette into his ashtray on the table in front of him and he wraps both of his hands around your neck squeezing it gently so he can get more blood out of you. He makes sure to not take much because he knows you need it. 

“I already love you,” You say to Izzy after he has finished taking half of your blood.

He takes his hands off your neck and kisses your lips with his blood-covered lips.

“Mmm,” You say, flipping over while your grip is on Izzy's shoulders.

Your hands travel down from his shoulders to his crotch. “You're so cold but you make me feel warm on the inside” You say it out loud while breaking up your lips.

 You realize it sounds corny but you didn't want to stop what just got started. “Izzy I need you” You beg Izzy.

“You're so needy aren't you?” Izzy asks you while laying you down on the couch.

Izzy takes his three fingers and puts them inside of you.

“Daddy.” You accidentally moan while his fingers are plucking your insides like guitar strings.

“I like that, keep calling me that,” Izzy says while he shifts his fingers deeper inside of your wet pussy.

Your pussy tightens around his fingers and you orgasm with just his fingers inside of you. His fingers are covered with your slick. He licks his pointer middle and ring fingers clean.

“Oh, Daddy I need you,” You moan rubbing at his cock while your other hand grips the couch.

Izzy pulls his pants off and he sticks his cock inside of you. His hips continuously slam with yours over and over again.

“Such a good girl for being with a vampire.” He groans as he is on top of you while pounding your tight hole over and over again.

You can feel the tip of his cock slamming into your soft spot over and over again. 

“Daddy keep going faster.” You whine and pout while your nails are attacking his back.

“I’m going as fast as I can” Izzy moans as he feels that he is going to release his come into you. You feel his thrusts getting sloppy and slow. His toes curl and his head goes back and he grips your hands. “Oh fuck” He moans. You feel wet and gooey stuff shooting up inside of you.

Your legs start to shake and your stomach knots up and you feel your pussy clenching around his cock. “Come for Daddy” He continues thrusting inside of you at the speed of light.

“Daddy” You moan and come on his cock this time. Izzy pulls out of you and you both sit on the couch naked. “Can I have a cigarette?” You ask Izzy.

He pulls one out of his pants pockets. 

“Izzy I want more. Im still wet” You say while rubbing your pussy.

“You sure it's not you just covered with come?” Izzy asks you.

“It's not. I want to experiment. I’m still so wet for you Daddy.” You smirk.

After you finish smoking you put the remaining cigarette in his ashtray. He took you upstairs to his bedroom where you both experimented with eating each other out and how his fangs would be in the way while eating you out. You both take a bath together after having some more fun.

[sirfrogsworth]

FFFF: Froggie's Fuckin' Fancy Foray

In a previous post I was debating whether I should go to the Sam's near me, which requires a short 11 minute drive, but the path to get there is quite stressful due to traffic and construction and frustrating detours onto narrow side streets.

There was even a time when a bunch of signs got knocked over or removed and I accidentally went down an unfinished road that dead-ended into a pile of rocks. That was a fun moment. Especially when people stared at me as I did some improvised off-roading to get turned around.

Like I said... STRESSFUL.

Or I could head the other direction across the river into Illinois.

A scenic 22 minute drive with empty highways to a much nicer Sam's. The extra 20 minutes of total drive time is a lot, especially after all the walking required to collect my groceries. And I feared it would test my energy limits, since I had to go to Sam's and Schnucks to get all of the groceries I needed. Sam's is great, but sometimes I just don't need seven dozen of something.

I was having a decent energy day, so the scenic route won.

My plan was to go to Sam's for the bulk of my groceries and then drive all the way back across the river, past my house, and go to the Schnucks that stocks my favorite new fancy Fitz's soda. Which would add another 30 minutes of driving. Though I figured if I wasn't feeling up to it, I could go to Schnucks another day.

But as I stood in the Sam's parking lot holding a five dollar rotisserie chicken, an idea struck me... "Maybe there is a Schnucks near here."

I opened Maps and to my dismay, there was a Schnucks just down the street and for three entire years I never thought to check.

Literally half a mile down the street.

I think we are all familiar with the concept of chain stores varying in quality depending on the area they are located.

There is a Schnucks only 1.2 miles from my home. It is what I would call "tolerable."

Let's deem this location "TS" for Tolerable Schnucks.

TS is clean and has all of the essentials but they try to shove ten pounds of Schnucks into a five pound bag. It is cramped and poorly stocked and the lighting is somehow extra florescent.

They managed to squeeze in a decent deli, but that is where the niceties end. They usually have one register open even if the checkout line wraps around the dairy section. I have yet to find a less busy time to go. It's always filled to the brim with people—morning, noon, and night.

And, frustratingly, they rarely stock my new botique soda obsession, Fitz's.

I allow myself one occasional sugary treat to manage the cravings and I never know if they are going to have it.

However, if I travel an extra 15 minutes then I can upgrade to the Schnucks I would call "nice." So we'll go with "NS" for Nice Schnucks.

Weirdly the NS is near the "tolerable" Sam's (no acronym because that would be confusing with Tolerable Schnucks (TS)). They are only 3 minutes apart but the store quality difference is pretty drastic. If I have the energy, I will try to stop at both places in one trip since they are so near each other.

NS is a much bigger store than TS and they even have a bigger selection to go with that extra space. I have to get my fancy soda there because I guess TS figured "let's just fill the aisle with Diet Coke and nothing else." NS has a much bigger deli and full bakery and a fish person and even a quaint little floral department. They usually have multiple registers open and they stay open past 8pm so you can go when it isn't busy. The lighting is a little better, they keep things in stock, and they even have half-sized shopping carts that are easier to push if you only need a few things.

I thought that was the gold standard for Schnucks.

As nice as it gets.

But then I discovered this new Schnucks near the Nice Sam's and that assertion was about to be shattered.

Let me introduce you to the FFS.

The Fuckin' Fancy Schnucks.

The first thing you notice at the FFS is the front has well-maintained landscaping. Like, proper shrubbery.

That's fuckin' fancy.

The second you enter the store you are greeted with a fully staffed floral department.

It felt like if Valentine's Day could manifest a jungle. Brightly colored flowers everywhere surrounded by mylar balloons wishing people happy whatevers.

Then I turned the corner to see the biggest Schnucks of my life. With one entire side of the store dedicated to bespoke food items.

They got a deli. They got a bakery. They got a fish person. They got another fish person who just makes sushi all day.

They have an entire wall of prepared food items made at the store daily. Sandwiches and salads and pastas and full chickens. They even make their own frozen pizzas.

And then I noticed... the Meat Masters.

They have their own damned butcher on staff!

I found myself just going up and down all of the aisles and discovering new things the other Schnuckses never stock. The soup aisle was ridiculous. I was getting pretty tired and I was paralyzed by too many choices. So I decided to just get my normal boring soups and come back another time to explore the Fancy Soup Section.

The FSS at the FFS, if you will.

And the lighting was just so much more pleasant. It didn't feel like a 90s office building.

And look at that flooring. Did they hire an interior designer?

TS & NS just have generic square tiles.

I mean, I guess making some of them blue is something. But even the ceiling is drab comparatively.

And look at the TS Zapp's display compared to the displays at FFS.

I will say, TS takes much better care of their robot friend. FFS stuck their robot in a very undignified location.

This Roomba with a giant erection spends all day counting stuff and they stick him next to the men's room? Let him hang out with the Meat Masters or the fish people.

This is how a robot uprising starts.

The soda aisle was at the end of the store so I arrived there last. I was nervous they might not have my beloved bottled soda pop. Not only did they have it, but they also had 4 other flavors I didn't even know existed.

I guess you could say the FFS had an FFFS! (Fuckin' Fancy Fitz's Section)

I got that same feeling when you unlock bonus items in a video game. I don't know what the difference is between cream soda and "cardinal" cream soda... but I'm gonna find out!

Update from Future Froggie: It's fuckin' tasty!

So...

Future Froggie approves of Fuckin' Tasty Fitz's Soda from the Fuckin' Fancy Fitz's Section at the Fuckin' Fancy Schnucks and is sad Nice Schnucks and Tolerable Schnucks Failed Future Froggie with their Lacking Fancy Fitz's Soda Section.

Or...

FF approves of FTFS from the FFFS at the FFS and is sad NS & TS FFF with their LFFSS.

Got all that?

I loaded up the FTFS and my frozen pizzas and my non-fancy soups and headed over to the registers. They had 3 lanes open despite hardly anyone shopping at the time. I didn't have to wait in the dairy section for 25 minutes. So I justified that extra drive time and then some. Because standing in line is harder than sitting and driving.

So I guess I answered my question about which path to choose. If only I had known about the FFS earlier I would have forgone NS and Tolerable Sam's and just drove the extra 20 minutes across the Mississippi River to and from MO & IL.

On the one hand, it is kind of depressing that just like public schools, property taxes dictate the quality of vital stores in our communities. I mean, these are stores run by the same company. I know the physical property can necessitate some variation due to size and configuration differences. But it's clear they are pumping a lot more resources into the FFS. Not just more cashiers with a bagger on every lane, but actual experts in flowers and fish and baking and deli.

And who knows how much a MoM costs. (Master of Meat)

On the other hand...

We live in a society and can't fix capitalism overnight and all that.

I need my FTFS and FSS at the FFS, okay?

[alienssstufff]

LAST LIFE APOCALYPSE AU MASTERLIST

A very intensely written Life Series au by ME!

All general updates questions and lore can be found in the #last life apocalypse au tag! This post in particular will act as a masterlist regarding the timeline, worldbuilding and lore of the au. I wish to (hopefully) keep updating this post as more characters and arcs are revealed. 

IMPORTANT YOU VISIT THIS LINK FIRST BEFORE ENTERING (It’s pretty): > Last Life Apocalypse AU Intro (Talks about the mechanics)

Now without further ado - lets begin:

TIMELINE (Summarised)

The timeline of the AU is defined by two major arcs:

The past PROLOGUE 3RD LIFE that is the childhood of majority of the cast (location: their childhood town)

LAST LIFE PRESENT day that takes place in the woods (the main event - when the Apocalypse starts)

These are arcs that involve most if not all of the cast members from their respective seasons.

[BETWEEN ARCS] Between these arcs occur smaller events - big to some but not on a scale to affect everyone. This is the transition period after the cast graduate from Middle School and go their separate ways before reuniting (by fate) in the Last Life Woods. Events that happen in the between arcs take inspiration from the CC’s other respective series beyond the Life Series.

Some current inspirations: Evo SMP, Hermitcraft (various seasons), Scar’s TCD series, Bdubs’ SOTF. More about their involvement as updates progress.

[SCU SPIN-OFF] Consider this as an epilogue describing the state of the planet decades after the main cast has died. Not considered a ‘major arc’ as it is not focused on the main cast but exists solely for worldbuilding purposes (because I like it :] ).

WORLDBUILDING

Setting of Last Life takes place in the woods, think of American national parks or camping grounds on a road trip, or the Walking Dead (the telltale game not the show)

CLIMATE: Generic American woodlands climate but with a less generic winter weather. As the situations for the player’s get more dire, so does the environment around with forecasts for an oncoming snow blizzard from Magic Mountain as the world fades to white.

It is also during this time of year and climate where a creature known as the Wither is rumoured to roam the lands. It is a cryptid that unlike most woodland creatures, the Wither wakes from hibernation only during the Winter when it is cold enough and feasts on a very specific carnivorous diet. In reality this is known as the Patient 0 of the Bogeydisease, born and mutated within the labs of the Research Facility, leading to the downfall desolation of what is now known as the Abandoned Observatory.

MAIN LOCATIONS:

SOUTHLANDS (Camp Southlands) - Were once a popular camping hotspot before the apocalypse. The people who survived there were once camp counselors (Grian, Impulse, Mambo, Martyn, Jimmy). The grounds acted as both a family resort and a summer camp for kids  where they are divided into one of the five factions supervised by each counselor: -MARTYN Counsellor of Athletics and house of the GREEN CATS -IMPULSE Counsellor of Cooking and house of the YELLOW SUN BEARS -JIMMY Counsellor of Safety and house of the BLUE DOGS (formerly blue canaries) -MUMBO Counsellor of Crafts (shop) and house of the BLACK MOTHS -GRIAN Counsellor of (shenanigans) Arts and house of the RED BIRDS

FAIRY FORT (Fairy Fort Reserve FFR) - A geographically enclosed area dedicated to protecting the land and the endangered animals that are shelter there. Ownership of the Fairy Fort was passed along the generations of Lizzie’s family tree. The people who survived there are park rangers with Lizzie as their lead. They have current beef with the Southlanders as there are many things they disagree with and compete against.

ICE FORT (Shade-E-E’s Gas) - As it’s located near the center of the map, the ethubs ‘Ice Fort’ is one of the only ounces of urban infrastructure out in the woods. Upon arrival of the Apocalypse, it is a fortified Shade-E-E’s gas station barricaded by the only employees Bdubs and Etho (the manager). It once acted as a pitstop to drivers and travelers alike and is the only place in the woods that has a working cellphone tower and final connection to the outside world dubbed as “Etho’s Tree”.

TEAM BEST HIDEOUT / ROCKTAPUS (Abandoned Observatory/Research Centre) - An abandoned observatory squatted on by Skizz that doubled as a bunker that was originally built in preparation for a nuclear fallout. Upstairs the observatory contains secret government documents regarding information about the Bogeydisease and the Wither cryptid - Indecipherable to all except for Tango who understands them. Downstairs the bunker’s monitors are linked to several surveillance cameras in the woods.

GASLIGHT GIRLBOSS GATEKEEP (Scottage Club) - A retreat saved for the rich and elite. While the Scottage Club has its HQ here, holiday properties of its patrons are scattered all across the map (the secret green lives hideouts).

MAGIC MOUNTAIN - Kept off limits just for how dangerous the place is, no one ever goes there. Rumor has it the mountain has magic capabilities that can drive a man insane. The last human sightings near Magic Mountain were two lone hikers who by arrogance wished to conquer and come back surviving the woodland’s most treacherous point. And while they were never seen again, they say if you look very closely with a spyglass, you can catch glimpses of a small, broken up hut at the top.

THE NETHER (NETHERLANDS not-the-country): The NETHER is the closest town over from the Last Life woodlands and is home to facilities such as a Fortress Dept Store and a camping & fishing shop known as The Bastion. While hypothetically the cast could escape the woodlands to live in the Nether, it is because of the high value resources that can be found in these stores that attract both surviving scavengers and zombies alike - making the town very dangerous to defend.

The ‘nether portals’ in this au are the vehicles each team has on them to travel between locations. The Nether may be the closest town there is, but even walking there on foot is extremely dangerous - especially considering the apocalypse and the harsh elements.

BOGEYDISEASE

For legal reasons, I dropped biology in highschool as soon as I could - I do not know shit about diseases and how people develop medicine. This is a fictional disease. TLDR; I am talking out of my ass.

[Origins of the Bogeydisease and the L.I.F.E antidotes pending (secret!)]

Transfer of the disease in its early stages of evolution could only be transferred if bacteria had direct contact with the host’s bloodstream. At best (?) in small amounts the host would experience a fever and shivering. At worst the host would feel extreme fatigue, most likely dying of starvation/dehydration due to it being unaware of their hunger (and fatigue - the disease manipulates the brain into thinking the host is not fatigued). 

Nature of the disease (well.. virus) as it continues is designed to adapt with the changing environment. While most samples were not able to survive its effects, some victims of the Wither’s bite would survive and exhibit a second stage of the disease’s effects. If the host were to survive the initial stages of the disease, once the disease has fully adapted to the body of its host it would evolve in order to prolong its survival. This is evident by physical alterations of the host’s appearance.

Not just physical changes but behavioural as well. The host would act more akin to serving its natural instincts, more inclined to the hunt and the tendency to keep itself alive. 

People who are in the second stages and beyond of contracting the Bogeydisease are considered Red Lives. It is possible to cure Red Lives out of the Bogeydisease as long as the disease has not evolved to its later stages. WHEN a person is cured using a L.I.F.E antidote they may experience side-effects [explained in the INTRO]. In some instances, ex-hosts may retain some of the traits afflicted when they were Bogey.

Later stages of disease evolution. The disease and its hosts show strong similarities to how rabies can be passed between hosts. And based on how a host reacts to the disease, hosts of the disease are classified into two types:

Host is overwhelmed by the effects of the disease and dies early. If the body and surrounding scene are left untreated, the disease will continue to live on in the decomposing body and grow a special fungus that feeds off the remains. The fungus and its disease reproduces by its spores which allow the disease to not only infect the environment around but also proves the possibility in contracting an airborne variant of the disease.

Host grows accustomed to the effects of the disease exhibiting the aforementioned loss of higher brain functions above (incapable of reason and rational thought). Movements grow erratic, constantly moving as a means of maintaining fixed body temperature. For colder climates the diet of hosts relies on feasting on warm bodies. Failure to do so will induce drowsiness in the host, placing them in a slumber in order to regain energy and try again. Hosts also show signs of excessive salivation and occasional bleeding. Direct exposure to any of the host’s bodily fluids is another method in contracting the disease.

[ REMINDER THIS IS AN ONGOING AU , MORE TO BE UPDATED ]

[tanoraqui]

Transcript from a Third Age traveling stand-up comic, performing in a theater in New South Falas.

Salawen: I actually do have one controversial political opinion. I think we've all been so distracted by the Vanyar recently, with the Diet of Wyrms and all that, that we've forgotten how completely unhinged the Noldor are.

Like, a few decades ago, I went to Tirion for a few years to study at the university. I wanted to learn some geology! I pick up cool rocks sometimes on the road, and I realized, "Hey, there are people who could tell me why these ones are stripey and these ones are pink." So I went to get some real schooling.

The stripey ones are usually sedimentary rock, by the way, and pink granite is pink because of the high potassium feldspar content. See, Professor B, I did pay attention!

But first, I learned that the Noldor are crazy. Picture this: you're a nice Midwoods girl, usually a humble traveling entertainer. You've been in plenty of big cities before, even Tirion itself, but never the university, which is a total jumble physically and socially— never moreso on First-Year Orientation Day, which is like when you take a beehive and shake it, except instead of stings the freaked-out bees have half-filled class schedules, maps we're all holding upside-down, and an average of five pieces of jewelry each.

You see a calm-looking person in a university uniform. She has a clipboard. You make for her like you're seeking shelter beneath an oak in a hailstorm.

She asks your name, your intended major—if any—and dorm and room number as written on your welcome letter—yes, right there... And you're starting to think, Hey, this university thing is easier than I thought! I know all this stuff already!

Then she hits you with, "And which Finwion do you stan?"

[keep reading on AO3 (~1k)]

[songforeddiemunson]

Road Trip or Bust

My submission for @newlips' Milestone of Love event. I hope you enjoy tooth rotting romantic fluff with a splash of smut!

Eddie Munson x Reader (description vague for inclusivity)

Summary: Eddie and reader decide to take a Valentine's Day road trip to the beach, shenanigans (and road head!) ensue.

Warnings: language, a wee bit of angst, smut (oral sex, m receiving, intercourse implied), a beer is consumed, bad driving (don't try this at home!) 💘 This is NOT my best work but I had been procrastinating on this too much and I really wanted to get it out.

Word Count: 2255

MASTERLIST

Road Trip or Bust

It really seemed like a good idea at the time.

February in the northern midwest United States was a gray, dreary affair. So naturally, when your boyfriend lifted his head and said suddenly, “let’s drive to the beach for Valentine’s Day,” you were all for it. It didn’t hurt that he had been buried between your thighs only a moment before, making you amenable to nearly anything. If he had asked you to shave your head, you’d probably agree.

But it really did seem like a good idea at the time.

Eddie had enthusiastically loaded the van with a bag of doritos and a can of pringles, and the small igloo cooler in the back held six PBR lagers and two diet cokes. The closest beach was determined to be Pensacola, FL by eyeballing an old, ratty US map, which was then haphazardly folded and shoved in the glove box. It was almost a straight shot down I-65, and only would take a little more than 10 hours if there weren’t many delays.

You set out on a gray, drizzly midday, full of the kind of optimism and excitement that is reserved only for the truly young and inexperienced, ready to sink your toes into the sand before the end of the day.

You were only in the van for about three hours, about to cross the border into Kentucky, when you noticed the smell.

“Eddie?” you asked, turning your head toward him with a furrow between your brows.

“Yeah babe?” He replied, turning down the radio as he did so.

“Do you smell that?”

He paused, took a sniff or two. “No, what am I supposed to be smelling?”

“I dunno. Exhaust or something.”

There was a moment of silence as Eddie drove and you both inhaled the semi-stale air inside of the cabin, scenting for anything that would raise an alarm.

“Hmm, I think it’s just the normal van smells,” Eddie replied eventually. “She isn’t young anymore,” he said, patting the dashboard affectionately. “But she’s a good horse, aren’t you, Shadowfax?”

You couldn’t help but smile at the affection Eddie bestowed on his van. Eddie wasn’t exactly showered with toys and possessions as he grew up, like some of the more wealthy residents of Hawkins, so he cherished what he was able to acquire and maintained everything lovingly. Shadowfax, his van, was no exception. She was getting on in years and Eddie had limited resources with which to keep her running smoothly, but lord knows he did his best. He always did, really.

These musings resulted in a wave of affection washing over you that was so intense you thought you might cry about it.

“What?” Eddie said, smiling, as he caught your expression.

“Oh nothing,” you said. “I’m just happy to be doing this with you.”

Eddie beamed.

When Eddie smiled, I mean really smiled, it was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. It was almost as if the entire interior of the van on this dreary day was brightened. You loved making it happen; you loved that you had the power to make him want to smile that way. It made your chest ache a little in a good way, a kind of tickle that felt like fireflies bumping around inside your ribs.

It inspired you to give him a little Valentine’s Day gift, and you unbuckled your seatbelt.

Eddie’s smile faltered when he heard the telltale sound of the seatbelt clicking free and sliding back up into its holster. “What are you doing?” he asked, glancing in your direction.

Since the van had bucket seats separated by a center console, you rose up on your knees, and leaned toward him, extending your body across the console.  “I just thought,” you said as you reached for the zipper of his jeans, “that I would show you some appreciation for driving us all the way to Florida.”

“Babe, you don’t have to–” he began, but his words trailed away, instinctively lifting his elbows to grant you better access. He chuckled nervously. “Oh god, are you really doing this?”

You nodded as you slipped your hand into his boxers and pulled out his semi-stiff cock. You licked your lips in anticipation before bending to your task. “Just relax and watch the road,” you cooed.

Eddie’s breath quickened as you slid your mouth down his length to the best of your ability, which was a little tricky based on your angle and location, not to mention the fact that you were barreling down the highway at about 60 miles per hour. You pulled back up, hollowing out your cheeks and sucking in the process, causing Eddie to grip the steering wheel until his knuckles were white.

“Babe. God….” he breathed. “That feels so good.”

You released him from your lips with a small pop. “Eddie,” you replied, “you taste so good.”

“Fuck,” was all he could mutter when you returned to the task, sucking him off in the most filthy and lascivious manner you could, letting your saliva slather his cock and getting his boxers damp where they met the wiry hairs at his base. You had never given road head before, so you were determined to make this a memorable experience. It seemed to be working.

“Babe,” Eddie said with a breathy chuckle, “I’m not going to last long.” He released one hand from the wheel and fisted it into your hair at the back of your head, which was damn hot and sent a jolt of pure arousal straight to your core. You paused your sucking; you wanted this to last, so you licked a stripe up the underside of his thick shaft and swirled your tongue around his tip, tasting his saltiness and setting your heart ablaze.

You sank back down along his length, and Eddie’s moan was pornographic. We’re going to have to pull this van over, I need to have this guy inside me, like, yesterday, you thought to yourself.

“I’m gonna— oh god— babe….” Eddie could barely get the words out.

You hummed your assent a mere second before he spilled himself into your mouth, and you swallowed down his climax with a moan of pure lust.  Eddie stared straight ahead with glassy eyes, both hands back on the wheel, as he came down from the high of his orgasm. You rose up, and planted a kiss near the base of his throat, and you could feel his pulse hammering against your lips.  “Did you like that?” you said, suddenly self-conscious.

Eddie glanced at you and saw your worried expression as you buckled yourself back into your seat. “Did I like that?” he repeated with a surprised chuckle. “Babe, that was incre—”

He wasn't able to finish his sentence before there was a loud BANG, which nearly gave you a heart attack, and smoke began to issue from beneath the hood of the van. The engine shuddered and died, and Eddie flipped on his hazard lights as he steered the van to a rudimentary pull-off area, which was mercifully only a few hundred feet down the road. “Fuck!” he yelled angrily.

“What the hell was that?” you cried loudly in alarm, your hand pressed to your chest.

“The engine. I think it may have overheated,” he said with a clipped tone as he popped the hood and exited the car.

“Oh no,” you groaned, and you let your head fall into your hands. This was going so well, and now it was going horribly wrong. The anxiety spike you felt was quickly chasing away the afterglow from the blow job, and you had to fight back the sudden urge to scream. You took a couple of deep breaths, and pulled yourself together. 

You couldn’t see what Eddie was doing behind the open hood, so you also hopped out of the van and walked over to where he was rummaging around in the innards of the van. You stayed off to the side and out of the way; careful to steer clear of the hissing engine.

“I was just thinking we were gonna have to pull over soon” you said, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “But this isn’t what I had in mind.”

Eddie lifted his head, and fixed his dark eyes on yours. For a second, you weren’t sure how he was going to react, but then his lips twitched up in the ghost of a smile. He snorted.

“I’m so sorry babe, but I’m pretty sure this trip is going to have to be canceled,” he said, his smile fading.

“Oh,” you said, and shrugged. “That’s alright.” You couldn’t hide your disappointment.

He wiped his hands on his bandana before coming over to you and enfolding you in a tight hug.  “I feel awful,” he said into your hair. “I ruined Valentine’s day.”

You pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. “Don’t be silly, this isn’t your fault. How could you have ruined it?”

“I’m pretty sure the engine was overheating for a while, but the fuse for the engine lights blew a while ago and I haven’t gotten around to replacing it. So now the coolant hose is cracked, and my antifreeze leaked all over the place. I may have even cracked the engine block, which would be a disaster.” He looked wretched. “And I think you smelled it earlier and I blew it off.”

He put his hands on his head and turned away in frustration, taking a few steps toward the scrubby woods by the highway and kicking a rock in the process. “I’m such a fuck up,” he said angrily.

“Hey!” you shouted at his back, causing him to turn and look at you. “Don’t talk about my boyfriend like that!”

He laughed. “Well, he is. Your boyfriend is a fuck up.” He shrugged.

“Eddie, you are not," you sighed. You hated that he felt the need to beat himself up over this. "Please don't blame yourself. These things happen."

"Yeah, well," he said, changing the subject and looking around the area. "All this rest stop has is a picnic table and a port-a-john, so I'm going to have to walk to the nearest gas station and call Wayne. I think I saw a sign for one about a mile back at the last exit."

"Okay babe," you replied, wishing this day wouldn't get any worse.

Eddie decided you should stay behind to watch the van and make sure nobody tried to break in.

“Bundle up, it’s cold,” you said, wrapping your own scarf around his neck. He smiled at you, thinking to himself that he was unbelievably lucky to have you, that there was no way he deserved you, that he would go insane if he ever lost you. You grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled yourself up to kiss the tip of his nose, which pinkened his cheeks noticeably. 

“Come back to me soon,” you said, and Eddie nodded.

“Don't accept candy from strangers," he said with a smirk.

"But what if I want candy Eddie!" you whined, making him laugh as he shut the van doors.

It wasn’t far and wouldn’t take long, so you passed the time by playing a few rounds of klondike solitaire with the deck of cards Eddie kept in the van, sipping on one of the PBRs he brought for the beach. Of course you were disappointed the beach wasn’t going to work out-- you were really looking forward to it-- but you were surprised to realize that the predominant emotion you currently felt was a simple longing for your boyfriend, who had only gone to the store.

Could he really be ‘the one?’ I think he might be, you thought to yourself, as you dealt the cards for a fresh round. I mean, I think I love this guy.

A short while later, the back doors of the van opened, revealing Eddie, who was flushed from the cold and exertion but otherwise fine.

“I called Wayne,” he said. “He wasn’t pleased about having to drive six hours round-trip with his cousin’s tow truck, but I’ll make it up to him.”

“I’m sorry babe,” you said, giving him a kiss on the lips. 

“Oh, and, I got you something,” he said, his eyes averted shyly. He pulled a single pink carnation out of his jacket. Your breath hitched as your chest flooded with affection. “I know it’s just a shitty gas station carnation,” he continued, “I only have a little money and it looks like I’m going to be saving up for repairs…”

You cut off his babbling. “Oh my god Eddie, will you shut up?” you were laughing, and you felt tears prick your eyes. “I love it, okay?”

“You’re not mad?” he asked.

“No, I’m not mad. Thank you for the flower; I absolutely love it.” You took the carnation from him and beamed.

“I just,” Eddie's voice had gone quiet. “I just really don’t want to mess this up, no worse than I already have anyway," he laughed, and you slapped him on the arm playfully. His chuckle faded and his expression turned serious.

"I– I love you babe. I'm in this for the long haul, if you are.”

You hadn’t made such a declaration to each other yet, and you thought your heart was going to explode. One tear finally did break free and rolled down your cheek.

“I love you too babe,” you said, and Eddie's face lit up like the sun again from a combination of joy and relief. “I'm definitely in this for the long haul.” Before Eddie could comment further, you grabbed his jacket again, and crashed your lips onto his as you pulled him into the back of the van.

You had time to wait, so you spent a good potion of it with some vigorous and creative lovemaking. Other people who pulled over to use the bathroom saw the van rocking, and would only shake their heads and continue on their way.

Was it the best Valentine's Day ever? You thought perhaps it was.

Thank you for reading, and Happy Valentines Day!

MASTERLIST

[emmierosebear]

Short Story: Bar fun

Context: It had been about 2 years in Bogota Colombia working as a DEA Agent with Javier Pena and Steave Murphy, your still on the hunt for Pablo Escobar but during this you begin to have feelings, and not just feeling are struck😉

Warning: explicit. smut + angst. colleagues who fuck for stress relief. grumpy-ish javi. file room shenanigans. unprotected p in v. oral, javi’s hand being a necklace. mild rough sex? javi has a dirty little mouth. no use of y/n but javi calls you baby.

It's about 2:40 in Bogota Colombia, it was a hot one. These's summers have been bad but not as bad as today, Steave and Javier ask if you want to get a drink after work. You happily agree and they Said they will give you a ride. Not even two seconds later Carrillo calles you three in his office. The three of you moan in a pissed way, stilling walking over Javier said "That son of bitch, why is it always us like fuck" Steave than smacks Javier in the back of his head, Javier just gives Steave a dirty look. When you three arrive in Carrllo's office Steave takes a seat but Javier let's you take his and he puts his hand on you back well listening to Carrillo, "Listen you three, you guys have been assigned to go to a Hotel and get information and photographs of Pablo" you then say "Why? We have him where we need to be, just leave it till the right moment" Carrillo then says "We do but we need more information to get him right, I don't feel great about what we have yet" you nod you head and say "fine give us the information for the hotel we'll get it done" Carrillo takes that as sas "You don't need to give me sas" you reply with "Next time don't give us all this extra the work, we've been picking up the slack for all these's people for fucking ever. I may give you sas but guess what life stock's so suck it the fuck off, Que te jodan" you walk out of the office and go back to grab your gun for this "trip" Carrillo gave. "You better control you partner buddy" Steave apologizes but Javi said "

te merecías ese cabrónte merecías ese cabrón" and walks off, Steave rolls his eyes and follows Javi.

You guys got to the hotel at about 4, Steave set up all the equipment and you and Javier started to map out the hotel from where Pablo would be and where his associates would be. Steave knew that this was all shit from Carrillo, even since you guys help bust a bunch of Pablo's associates. Once you guys were done mapping and setting up you got to work taking pictures of Pablo and recording voice to get any new information. Nothing good happened, he left the hotel to quick for us to get him so we we're fucked. "Why don't we stay here the night, it's not my money we're spending" said steave. You were fine with it, but Javier not so much "that's fine I guess, hope they have a bar I need a fucking drink" Javier said. You replied with "Yeah they have a bar, I'll go check us in for the night and I'll meet you guys at the bar after putting the gear away." Why not their faces said, you go to the elevator and down 2 story's to the front office, and check you guys in at the office. You ask where the bar is and they guys says "Down the hall and to the right", you thank the guy and walk off. The boys were at the bar waiting for you, Javier said "Ordered your favorite, Grand old Parr" A typical Columbia whiskey drink, a good one too. Javier also said " also, I ordered you something to eat you ate nothing today and don't lie to me I know" Damn he got you there, you did eat nothing but it was because you forgot and you were on a new diet and it has been making you a little dizzy at times.

Your drinks and food arrives and you eat and order a couple more to drink. Not as many as Pena but enough, you could tell he was drunk he was being nice to Steve he's never nice to him. You tell the bartender no more for this man but you will take one for the road for you, you grab Pena and Give Steve a key to one of the rooms so he can hit the shower or whatever. You put your hand around Javier hips and helped him walk, you push the leave two button and get to your room. You lie Javier on one of the beds and grab a shower well he's passed out, when you get out of the shower with only a towel Jaiver was at the bed wide awake. You get shy and say "Javier, stop looking turn around you fucker" He gets up and you just stand their, he cups your ass and starts to give you neck kisses. You try to push Javier but can't, you too weak from all the kisses. He starts to kiss you with tongue in your mouth and you close your eyes and enjoy, he starts to take of his clothes and you make your way to the bed. He gets on top of you and unzips he jeans slowly and takes his boxers off throwing them on the ground, he beings to whisper "Te voy a follar como un animal" you being to moan and he puts his cock in you, he goes slow but then fast. He kept moaning your name and putting his hands on your thighs to make you more horny, he loved hearing you moan as he went in and out. He beings to bite you neck well still fucking you, you just layed there and loved it. After a few seconds you could feel him cum inside you, he then began again. He grabbed you and had you on your hands and knees and fucked you from the back, he grabbed your hair and went at his he kept moaning and saying "Mierda" or "vamos bebe vamos" or and over again and you just moaned and moaned on. You cumed really hard and was so tried, he stopped and grabbed a cigarette. "Thanks, I needed that" he said, "were you even drunk" he nods and says "Yeah, I recover fast" that son a of bitch, did he want to fuck me or fun or what you kept thinking to yourself. You asked and he said "Baby, you know I love you" he kisses your forehead and down to you neck and thigh still holding his cigarette. When he was done kissing, you grabbed his cigarette and took a hit. He smiled and Chuckles to himself, he put the cigarette out and cuddel him. Feeling his cock on your upper thigh and the hair from his chest on you felt amazing, you felt safe and loved. No matter if you were dating or just fuck buddy's, you would love him forever. He gets in your ear and whispers "I want you baby" you whisper in his ear saying "Fuck me again and I'll guess you'll find out" he Chuckles and kisses your neck till you fall asleep in his arms for the rest of the night

Spanish words used

Que te jodan - Fuck you

te merecías ese cabrón - you deserved that Bastered

Mierda- Fuck

vamos bebe vamos - come on baby come on

[storiesbyrhi]

Bones and All - Chapter 2: Cowboy Cook

Eddie Munson/Reader

Warnings: canon typical violence/gore, cuss words, weird parental relationships, updated each chapter

Synopsis: A Bones and All AU. What do you hunger for?

Chapter Summary: Enter: Eddie. 2917 words.

Author’s Note: This fic will be much shorter than others I've written, and have shorter chapters too. I'm halfway through writing chapter 3 and that corresponds to the halfway point of the novel. Just wanted to give ya'll the heads up!

The second time got me wondering who and what you were. I was partly to blame - I never should have let you go to that summer camp. You were only eight-years-old. His name was Luke Vanderwall. They never found his body, just all that blood.

I watched you after, looked for a sign of guilt or sadness or anything at all. But there was nothing. I never hated you though. Maybe never loved you like a parent should. 

In the car home you were mad at me. I had told you to always tell the truth, and running from that camp was dishonest in your eyes. I told you that nobody would believe us even if we told. Like how sometimes people confess to murders they ain’t done.

But someday you will answer for it. For all of it. Someday, someone will believe you.

Another long greyhound trip and you ended up in a tiny town that was hard to find on the folded map you kept in your backpack. The woman working behind the counter at the bus station eyed you with the type of suspicion that made you nervous. Did she know? Was she an eater too? No… No, she smelt like meat pie.

The conversation was short, abrupt even. When you were vague about exactly where you needed to end up, she quipped, “If you don’t know where you’re going, how do you expect me to help you?”

She picked up a file and began to shape her left index finger’s nail. You imagined grabbing the file and shoving it up her nose. Instead, you left the station and crossed the road to a small market.

Your diet of vending machine meals was making you ill, but you had almost no money. Since you couldn’t shoplift a bus ticket, you resorted to walking the aisles of the market, deciding what you could shove into your jacket without anybody noticing you.

As you thought I need a distraction, a rare moment of luck waltzed into the market with all the drunken bravado of a young White Republican. He was in your periphery until he wasn’t; he turned into your aisle at the same time as a young mother, pushing her baby in a shopping cart. They were at opposite ends, but the distance didn’t matter.

“What’choo lookin’ at?” he yelled at her. His slurred speech and cowboy hat should have been funny, but his lack of inhibition was threatening.

The mother said nothing, clenching her hands around the cart more tightly. She was frozen in place, scared to make a wrong move.

“Think you’re too fuckin’ good to talk ta me?” the cowboy shouted. “You fuckin’ bitch-”

“Hey!” Someone new appeared behind the mother; he moved to stand in front of her, staring the cowboy down. The mother took her cue and left, leaving only you, crouched down low holding a can of corn kernels in your hand.

He was wearing dirty Reeboks and ripped jeans. His Metallica t-shirt had holes in it but was mostly covered by a light floral button up that he wore open anyway. It seemed at odds with the rest of his outfit. As he stared down the cowboy, he dropped his heavy-looking duffle bag.

“You can’t talk to a lady like that. You’re out of control, pal,”

“Pal?!” the cowboy scoffed. “I ain’t your pal!”

Even from where you were, you could see the spit fly from the cowboy’s mouth as a spoke. He looked more than just drunk. Rabid.

The new guy glanced down at you briefly, a neutral expression on his face as he inhaled. A look flashed across his face for only a second before he was watching the cowboy come towards him.

“You listen here, you pretty-boy-sona-bitch,” he warned, attempting to reach out for the guy’s shirt, but missing.

“You enjoy hassling people? This what you do in your leisure time?” the guy teased, ducking another attempt to grab him.

“You wanna take this outside then? Huh? See who’s fuckin’…” but the cowboy didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Yeah, pal. Let’s take this outside, buddy,” the guy replied, jumping from foot to foot and leading the cowboy out of the market and out of the way of everyone in there.

As their voices grew quieter, the market returned to its usual atmosphere. You hid a can of chickpeas, a banana, and a chocolate bar in your jacket and made for the exit. Somehow, it felt worse than leaving Luke’s tent, or Dmitri’s bedroom, or Kevin’s treehouse, or Marcus’ basement…

Hiding near a stack of flattened boxes behind the mart, you tried to eat the banana as slowly as possible. Who knew when you were to get fruit again? The mart backed onto a road that serviced all the buildings along the main street. On the other side of it was mostly parking lots and half-built structures.

You were distracted by the darkness in one of the half buildings and didn’t hear the boy approach. As he threw a full bag into the trash, you squeaked then scrambled to hide the stolen food.

“Not gonna dob on you,” he said. You’d seen him in the mart, working the produce section putting apples out in a pyramid display. He waited as you continued to eat your banana, saying nothing. “I’m Andy,” he offered. “I… ah, I think the owners can afford a couple cans of food,”

“One can,” you corrected.

“Sorry. One can…” He looked over his shoulder then back at you. “So, ah, look, I don’t know what your situation is, but if you need some help-”

“I don’t,” you cut him off. Shoving the chickpeas and chocolate into your backpack, you stood up and looked at the boy.

He smelled like peanut butter and jelly sandwich, orange juice, and cheap deodorant. He was at least your age, maybe older. He was trying to be kind. Well, he thought he was trying to be kind. You knew what he really wanted.

The boys who wanted to be your friend were like you in the sense that they were always something odd about them that the cool kids hated. They were pushed to the margins of the lunchroom and social hierarchy. They saw an ally in you, so after being the new girl for a month or two, one of those boys would find a reason to talk to you.

Sometimes it took a week, sometimes months, but at some point down the road they would invite you over after school – to study for a history test or to plan something exciting for the science fair. Too young, you learned the word for this: pretext, a reason that’s really an excuse. You would arrive to find his parents out, and you would follow him up to his room.

That’s how it happened most of the time.

Dmitri.

Kevin.

Marcus.

Noble.

CJ.

Jamie.

“I was just gonna say I could shout you dinner… Or you could just take the cash if you don’t want to hang.”

Pretext.

Betraying you, your stomach audibly growled. The banana had woken it up and now it knew it was starving.

Andy watched you, weighing up something in his mind. “You look like you’d be interesting to talk to,” he said like it was a compliment. It had probably worked for him in the past.

You looked away from him, focused again on the half-built structure. Sitting in one of the cutouts that you supposed were for windows, was a cowboy hat. From the darkness, a hand reached out and grabbed it.

“I don’t need your help,” you stated, not looking back at Andy.

He huffed, thinking fucking bitch, and went back inside with his throat in-tact. He didn’t know you were contemplating the offer. Maybe a burger and fries would satisfy. Maybe it wouldn’t. Maybe you'd need more.

Across the road you stopped walking when the guy jumped from the window. As his Reeboks landed and he looked up at you, you knew.

It wasn’t that his mouth, jaw, and neck were covered in blood and bits of cowboy. It wasn’t the now-red Metallica shirt or the stolen hat that sat atop his long curly hair. It was the banality in the way he said, “He’s in there, round in the back room, if you want him.”

The guy did not appear worried that anyone would see him looking like a daytime nightmare. He pushed his duffle bag onto his back and pulled a set of keys out of his pocket. You followed along behind him in a bit of a daze.

“When… How… How do you know? I’m like you?” you asked.

Sully had told you the truth – eaters could smell eaters.

He came to stop at an old beat-up Chevrolet van, opening the back without needing to unlock it. He made a small happy sound but didn’t answer your question.

“I’ve… I’ve gone my whole life never meeting another, then two this week. You being the second,”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorta glad not to meet any others,” he replied bluntly.

With his duffle in the back, he took the driver's seat and rolled the window down. He looked out at you like he was confused about why you were still standing there.

“I thought I was the only one… And I’m… I’m sort of new to this. Can you help me? Just for a bit?”

Honestly, you weren’t sure what you meant by help. Maybe you wanted from him what Sully had previously offered. A companion, even in the short term. Someone to tell you all about their horror so yours didn’t seem so prolific. A set of rules to follow. Something. Anything.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone,” you whispered. It was true. Wasn’t it?

“Famous last words…” he muttered. “Fine. Come on. Get it.”

You didn’t have to be told twice.

The inside of the van was trashed. There were beer cans and fast food wrappers everywhere. The ashtray was overflowing and it smelt like sweat and roadkill.

“This isn’t yours,” you stated, immediately regretting it.

“He won’t be needing it anymore,” the guy replied.

“Or the hat,”

“You don’t think I’d make a darn fine rootin-tootin cowboy?” he asked with the smallest of grins.

You laughed. The sound was unfamiliar, like it belonged to another girl from an alternate universe. One that didn’t wear black so the blood didn’t show. One that didn’t know lung tissue melted on the tongue. One that could go on dates with a boy like Andy and be grateful to be told they’re interesting to talk to.

“I’m Y/N,”

“Eddie,”

“You stole his wallet too?”

“No. I stole his money. And this… Barry Cook. 5278 Route 13…” he read.

You drove in silence for a few minutes before Eddie began to play with the radio. When there was nothing but local talk-back and country classics, he turned it off.

“So… Where are you from?” you asked.

Eddie chewed the insides of his cheeks for a second before replying, “Does it matter?”

“Just making conversation…”

“Sorry,” he said with a soft sigh. “I haven’t had one of those in a while. Unless you count Cowboy Cook. Guess I’m a bit rusty.”

Eddie drove by the cowboy’s house to check for signs of life. There were no lights. When he pulled up to the small rundown house, you got out of the van and followed him inside.

It didn’t surprise you to find that the cowboy lived alone. There were stacks of oily pizza boxes and a seemingly endless amount of crushed Pabst Blue Ribbon cans. They were on almost all flat surfaces in the house, leaving rusty stains everywhere. Porn magazines and overdue bills sat on the sofa’s arms and it smelt like a cigarette had been burning for one hundred years straight.

“That’s before they started wearing make-up,” Eddie said, pointing to a poster in the cowboy’s bedroom, which was visible from the living room.

You had never seen the members of KISS without their trademark face paint. It felt wrong. Maybe in the same way it felt wrong to see Eddie covered in blood while he flicked through a crate of records that belonged to a dead man.

“He’s fucking got it! He’s got Lick It Up!” Eddie exclaimed.

He pulled the vinyl from the sleeve and put it on the player. He half expected to find it all scratched up, but maybe these albums were the only thing that Barry Cook cared about. Eddie could understand that. 

As the music began to play, Eddie held an air guitar. “Yeah, yeah… Don’t want to wait till you know me better,” he sang, jumping up onto the bed. “Let’s just be glad for the time together. Life’s such a treat and it’s time you taste it.”

You stood at the threshold of the room, thrown by Eddie’s sudden animation. He’d been reserved and sarcastic up until then.

“There isn’t a reason on earth to waste it. It isn’t a crime to be good to yourself… Lick it up! Lick it up! Oh-oh-ohhhh.”

Eddie pounced off the bed and onto his knees on the floor in one smooth motion. You wondered if he could play the guitar; his showmanship and the way his fingers were twinkling in the air said yes.

Trying not to stare at him too much, you looked around the room. There were other posters too. Centrefolds and Iron Maiden, which made you smile; was Eddie his real name, or had he invented an alias? 

Your attention snapped back to Eddie when he lifted the arm of the record player from the vinyl, plunging the house into silence. He’d caught sight of himself in the mirror. Lick it up! He’d made a promise. Lick it up! He was a monster. Lick it up!

“I’m gonna take a shower,” he suddenly said, leaving the room quicker than you could process.

When Eddie found you in the kitchen after, he was in the same jeans but a different shirt; you didn’t recognise the band. His hair was dripping and he brashly went at it with a towel.  

“He’s from Kentucky,” you said, eyes still on the letter. “He hasn’t been back to see his parents in ten years,”

“You know it’s illegal to open other people’s mail.”

You shot Eddie a look, which he nodded at - there were small pieces of the cowboy's flesh stuck in the shower drain. 

“This is from his mother. His dad has cancer. Postmarked four months ago. Wasn’t even open.”

Eddie began to look through the fridge and cupboards. “I’m not hungry, but how are you? Saw you were a minute away from… you know… the market kid. Must be hungry,”

“You were watching me?”

“I was…” Eddie turned to look at you. “Respectfully observing?” He opened a new cupboard and pulled out a can of Spaghetti-Os… “Yeah, you’ll do.”

Eddie cooked you dinner then sat opposite you at the table, respectfully observing you some more. He clasped his hands together on the tabletop and rested his chin on them.

“Why are we here anyway?” you asked.

“You have someplace else to be? Hot date at the disco?”

It dawned on you then. “Wait. Please don’t tell me we’re staying here tonight,”

“Nobody’s making you. Free country. You can do what you want,” he said dismissively, sitting up straighter and concealing a smirk. “Look, I know we only just met but I think I deserve a little more credit than you’re giving me… It’s late and we need a place to stay. We’re gone first thing,”

“You’ve done this before,”

“So have you,” he countered.

It wasn’t the same, you thought. Sully had tricked you. Hadn’t he?

“Is this… how you live?” You didn’t mean for it to sound like a judgment call. You waited for Eddie’s cold reaction but it never came.

“Not every night. But, yeah. Sometimes.”

You nodded. For a moment you just looked at each other. He had deep brown eyes that reflected the world back at you. Before you could get lost, you blinked hard and stood up.

“You take the bed,” Eddie said, his voice too gentle.

You didn't deserve the level of kindness you were being shown. But Eddie was like you. If you were bad then he was too? If you were a monster, didn't that mean he was one too? And kindness from a monster isn't kindness at all. 

You nodded and walked away from the kitchen table with every intention not to turn around. But then you did.

“You’ll be here… in the morning?” You felt embarrassed to ask. Did you sound like a child? Or a girl with a crush?

“You think I’d bail on you?”

It certainly wouldn’t be the first time someone had.

“No… It’s more… In my head, you know? Like, did I make you up?”

Eddie didn’t expect the honesty or for you to expose yourself like that. He stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I’ll be here,” he promised, omitting the part where he totally expected you to de-materialize and be revealed as a figment of his own lonely imagination.

You nodded once then disappeared into the bedroom, closing the door behind you.

“Fuck,” Eddie mumbled to himself, sitting back down and pulling your bowl towards him. You’d finished the lot, but he still put your fork in his mouth and sucked on it.

Next Chapter: 3 - The Shire

End Note: To those who have seen the movie and/or read the book: feel free to let me know your favourite details so I can make sure they're in the fic! To those who haven't: get on it; you will not regret!

Fic Taglist: @harrys-tittie @azydrateanatomy @pussy-drunk @mrsdollardog

All Eddie Taglist: @solomons-finest-rum @ruinedbythehobbit @munsonlives @sweetpeapod @depressooo-expressooo-blog @thorfemmes @hawkins-high @corrodedhawkins @grungegrrrl @lilzabob @mymoonisalways-in-scorpio @averagemisfit03 @ches-86 @ilovecupcakesandtea @onehotgreasymechanic @hazydespair @lacrymosa-24 @mel-the-fangirl

[ultrawaken]

Your Quick Guide to Getting Healthy: A Story of Fast Weight Loss

Hey, all you health nuts! Ready for a quick and easy stroll down the road to an all-around better you? Let’s roll up our sleeves and dive into some really cool tricks for fast weight loss. But before we do start, it would seem very advisable for a chat with the family doctor about the changes to be made.

Setting Attainable Goals, Chapter 1

So, take, for example, a journey to a healthier you and with you, a map. The goal is to lose one to two pounds every week — that’s like finding one treasure after the other, and that way, we’ll steer clear of frustration.

Natural Method That Supports Weight Loss

Balanced Meals, Chapter 2

And so we begin the journey to eat our way to health! Just picture a banquet table filled with rainbow-colored fruits and veggies, along with lean meats and grains. The feast awaits, the junk has gone, and we’ve taken smaller plates so we consume just the right amount.

Chapter 3: Drink Lots of Water

Now, if you imagine a clear stream to be our magical elixir, then we are supposed to take eight glasses of it a day. Water makes our bodies work better, fills us up so that we are less hungry, and kicks out yucky stuff from our system. Chapter 4: Add more days.

Chapter 4: Get Moving with Exercise

Chapter 5: Turbo-Charge Workouts with HIIT

Chapter 6: Check on the Calories

Just consider this as our diary wherein we’re jotting down whatever it is that we are eating. We see to it that we burn more than what we consume calories, but then again, we don’t go too crazy with it by eating super low calorie diets. Everything in moderation.

Chapter 7: Snuggle Up with Sleep

It is in the warm linens of imagination that one tucks in when every day winds down. This gives me 7–9 hours of peaceful sleep every night. It provides management to the body so that it does not starve, and rather, the body exercises this management and keeps its timing properly.

Chapter 8: Relax and Beat Stress

Finally, the session is rounded off by having a chill-out. Just think of a placid garden where we will do things like deep breathing and easy exercises. Stress, our canny enemy, would not have even realized that!

So, my dear friends, remember that the formula for fast weight reduction is actually quite simple: to be patient and make doable changes. And so, as we press on with this journey, let’s inspire more people to come on board and help them find their health treasures. Here’s to a happy, healthy adventure; may you find out the great possibilities of a better and fitter self!

[ceciliatan]

Duck Day 2023: Full Canto

If you've read my "Duck Day" posts before, you know it's my rundown of what corwin and I made for Thanksgiving. In 2023 we left for Aruba with my Mom that Saturday, and I thought I would work on the recap post then. But "Aruba" and "work" do not mix, and instead I read two lovely books and lounged about in the shade (and finally began to feel a little bit recovered from having had COVID in September...) Anyway, now it's February 2024 and I'm finally posting this so I can close the dozens of tabs still open on my browser since November! In Duck Days past, corwin and I have cooked up some high concept menu themes (like the time we traced a map of the Silk Road, or the parody menu "American Classics," or the year we did "togetherness"...), while other times we've stuck to a single cuisine as a theme (i.e. French). This year we decided to go for full-on Cantonese which means including a couple of nods to the Philippines and Singapore, where there are large Cantonese populations and the cuisine has been adapted with local flair. (Same could be said for the USA....) Having grown up as a mixed-race Chinese-filipino kid in the 1970s, I spent a lot of my childhood eating in Chinese restaurants throughout suburban New Jersey, with very regular trips to NYC Chinatown. We ate a lot of takeout from "American" Chinese joints, and often had Christmas Day dinner at one of the slightly fancier Chinese restaurants (because my mom's birthday is on Christmas and she would rather not cook on her birthday). If we went shopping in Manhattan in the morning, we went to dim sum after. If we went to a Broadway show at night, or even to Yankee Stadium which is way up in the Bronx, we still drove all the way down to Chinatown for a late-night dinner. I understood as a kid that there was something "cultural" about going to Chinatown that I was supposed to "get," but I didn't really know what it was, and my family didn't explicitly talk about it. But it meant I felt some kind of connection even if there really wasn't a functional difference between me and non-Chinese tourist kids from the suburbs. If I absorbed some cultural values on these trips they probably boiled down to these: - It's a virtue to eat. - It's a virtue to eat everything. - It's a virtue to eat everything your ancestors (probably) ate. For a while my grandfather came to live with us, and I found it extremely frustrating that we had no common language, because I really wanted to grill him all day long about what his life was like growing up when there was still a dynasty going on. Like, whoa. He liked going to Chinatown even though he spoke a different dialect from most of the merchants there. Because he could write things down, though, he could request special things from the waiters and go into the Chinese pharmacy and get various remedies. One thing, though, that he had going on was high blood pressure, and so his doctor (and my dad, who was an MD) had told him to cut salt out of his diet. So my mom was cooking everything low salt. (My grandfather must've just thought she was a terrible cook.) But his blood pressure didn't go down. They couldn't figure it out. Until my dad found the tub of pork floss he had hidden in his room. For those not familiar with pork floss, try to imagine if chewing tobacco were made from beef jerky so finely shredded it had the texture of dryer lint. (It's DELICIOUS.) Anyway. Probably 90% of my identification with my Chinese heritage comes through food (the other 10% comes through kung fun movies, and I'm not even kidding). tl;dr -- Deciding to do a heavy-duty Cantonese meal is kind of a big deal for me. But of course this is us, so we couldn't ONLY do straight-up traditional, we had to find ways to bistronomize and fuse and elevate and have fun with the dishes.

The menu at each dinner guest's place, a take-off on the old cheesy US Chinese restaurant menus from our childhoods. The Menu: 1) Amuse & Opening Cocktail: A Savory Fortune Cookie Name of the cocktail: ネグロに (Ne Gu Ro Ni, yes we're writing it in Japanese) 2) Dim Sum: Chashu Duck Baked Bun Duck Meatball w/ Yuba Chinese Broccoli in Oyster Sauce with Oolong tea 3) Soup: Duck Kut Teh with You Tiao (Chinese "crullers") served with a Crispy duck-confit filled Lumpia 4) Noodles: Hand-cut Sweetwater noodle w/ ground duck topping 5) Palate Cleanser: Trio of sorbettos: ginger, lychee, orange 6) Main Course: Sticky-rice stuffed roast duck With Scallion & Cucumber garnish 7) Dessert: Yuzu Creme Brulee Pineapple Bun Orange Slice 8) Tea & Coffee ** Candied things

The cocktail is garnished with candied Buddha's Hand that I made. In the background you can see the savory fortune cookies.   Opening Cocktail: Ne Gu Ro Ni (you can spell this with katakana) Inspired by a friend's recent musing on what counts as a negroni (e.g. by some definitions, concrete is a negroni...), corwin invented this one using the idea that a negroni is one part base spirit, one part bitter, and one part sweet. It uses Gokoo Shochu, which is very whiskey-like, as the base spirt, a Japanese "Bermutto" as the sweet component, and a black jasmine tea as the bitter.

The savory fortune cookies. (Scroll to the end of the post to see what they said inside.) The Savory Fortune Cookie: I like my amuses to be, well, amusing, and this seemed a good way to inject some whimsy. When I ran the test recipe for this, I made test fortunes that said things like "This is a test of the fortune cookie broadcast system." "This is only a test." "If this had been an actual fortune cookie, you would have received some Orientalist B.S." and so on. I based my recipe on this one for "Brown Butter Fortune Cookies" from Cook It Delicious: https://cooktildelicious.com/brown-butter-fortune-cookies/ The consensus among my foodie Twitter/Bluesky/etc cohort is that because the fortune cookie batter is mostly sugar and egg whites, trying to reduce the sugar wouldn't work. But plenty of Cantonese cooking is savory while also being sweet, so I kept the sugar content the same and just pumped up the savory aspect. One test batch I added sesame oil to the brown butter and they were okay. Next batch I added the sesame oil FROM THE JAR OF LAO GAN MA and that kicked it right into the savory stratosphere! Delicious! (it also made the cookies slightly pink) The other thing I added was a sprinkling of sesame seeds and flake salt onto the unbaked cookies right before putting them in the oven. They came out fantastic. The biggest problem I've usually found with homemade fortune cookies is that they come out soggy (or chewy) rather than crispy. What I found during the tests was that I could just keep putting the shaped cookies -- held in shape by putting them into an egg carton the moment they're shaped -- into the oven on a low-ish heat (300 degrees, I think) for another few minutes beyond the expected bake time.

The fortune cookies, still soft, right before being peeled off the silpat and shaped by hand.

An egg carton is the best thing to tuck the fortune cookies into the moment they are shaped, and then stick them back in the oven to finish crisping up.   THE DIM SUM COURSE:  We don't go into restaurants indoors when the COVID numbers are over a certain threshold, which means we haven't been to a dim sum palace since before Omicron. And damn, I miss it. Chashu Duck Baked Bun Duck Meatball w/ Yuba Chinese Broccoli in Oyster Sauce

All three elements of the dum sum course. The chinese broccoli in oyster sauce is basically an excuse to get some green vegetables into our guests. According to Buddhist tradition, oyster sauce is vegetarian. No, really. (Chinese Cooking Demystified did a whole video on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDC6Q5upKPE) DUCK MEATBALL on Yuba This is a duck version of the beef ball you usually get on tofu skin. corwin learned the technique that makes those balls so soft yet bouncy (it has to do with lye water), and guess what? It works for duck, too. (Another nod to Chinese Cooking Demystified, who posted their recipe here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/bh7pjc/recipe_dim_sum_beef_balls_/ and the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NsEPOKveJFQ) Chashu Duck Baked Bun This is basically the classic charsiu siopao but with duck instead of pork. We've made these before, but it's a classic and good to return to to scratch that dimsum itch!

For one friend who keeps kosher, we gave her the meat filling without the bun, which is made from a milk bread.   Duck Kut Teh with You Tiao (Chinese "crullers") served with a Crispy duck-confit filled Lumpia One of the best foods we ate in Singapore was Bak Kuh Teh, which comes from the hokkienese (Fujianese) words for "pork bone tea." We had it both at the truly delicious and well-known chain restaurant Song Fa, and also as late-night eats in the one area of Singapore where there are all-night dim sum joints (because no matter how much the government wants everyone to get up early to go to work and be orderly and sorta British about everything, you simply cannot completely stamp out this Cantonese cultural norm, apparently?) Song Fa has a Michelin Bib Gourmand award seven years running, and yeah, damn it's good.

I really should've bought 20 of these when we were in Singapore...   Song Fa sells spice packets for making bak kut teh at home both in their stores and on the website (I've also seen it on Amazon) and in Singaporean grocery stores. I've made bak kuh teh a few times since our 2022 trip and I think it comes out best with a combination of the Song Fa packet and additional fresh spices. The main thing you can't believe until you do it is just how much white pepper it takes to really get the flavor right. (Also 5 heads of garlic per rack of ribs.) I used the following reference recipe, as well as the instructions on the Song Fa packet, and a few others I looked up: https://delightfulplate.com/bak-kut-teh-singapore-pork-rib-soup/ But here's what I ended up with: My BAK KUH TEH recipe - 1 rack of pork ribs (12-13 ribs) - 25 fresh peeled garlic cloves (or 5 heads of however many cloves) - one Song Fa spice package - several slices of fresh ginger - one cinnamon stick - two tablespoons white peppercorns - 2 star anise - 1 tsp dark soy sauce - 1 tsp light soy sauce If you don't have the Song Fa packet, you can replace it with 30 grams of white pepper (yes that is most of a grocery store container of white peppercorns) whether as whole peppercorns or ground, 10 grams of sea salt, 5 grams of cinnamon chunks or sticks, and 4 broken star anise. (And MSG if you want it. I find this meal has enough umami and salt without it.) Buy a long flat rack of pork ribs when it's not grilling season and you can find them on sale for $5.99 a pound (they'll jump to $12.99 a pound or more in barbecue season). In fact, buy a few and freeze them until you're ready to use them for bak kuh teh. First bring a LARGE pot of water to a boil (large enough for all the ribs.) Cut up the ribs and peel 50 cloves of garlic while you're waiting for the pot to boil. Put a few pinches of salt and some slices of ginger in the water. Once it gets to a rolling boil, put all the ribs in and return it to a boil. Parboil one minute, then discard the water and rinse the ribs well with cold water. Clean out the pot. Some recipes now have you toast the spices and garlic cloves in the bottom of the pot before you refill it with water, but I have not done that. Add fresh water, and the ribs, and bring it to a boil again. Then add all the garlic cloves, and both soy sauces. Have the spices in either tea balls or other infusers, or those disposable tea bags, and halfway through the cooking, be sure to move them around a bit (but don't break them or the soup will be gritty). Simmer 90 minutes to 2 hours. Serve with 3 ribs per large soup bowl and a ladle or two of the broth. In the Song Fa restaurant, they strain the garlic cloves out to make the broth clear again, but I leave them in. (They're mostly disintegrated.) If you've ever wondered why "vegetarian delight," the really bland vegetable dish served at Cantonese restaurants, exists at all, it's because it's the perfect balance to offset the intensity of bak kuh teh. Of course, because this is DUCK DAY, we cooked up a version that used duck legs with some meat still on them as a stand-in for the ribs, and duck stock, and the rest was the same spice mix and garlic, and it came out fantastic. (There are many non-pork variations including duck to be found around Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. but I didn't really look up any recipes, I just swapped in duck for pork and it worked.) Somehow I didn't get a photo of the duck kuh teh, but here's one from Regis's instagram (full post here: https://www.instagram.com/p/C0CC9Z2L0oM/): Duk kuh teh as served. Photo by Regis.   The other traditional accompaniment is a long, bumpy "cruller" -- you tiao. The first time I made the crullers, I used a gluten free recipe because I was making this meal for a friend who with a few dietary restrictions and they came out surprisingly great! So I thought surely with actual gluten in them they should be even better? (I actually think they came out about the same.) The gluten free version came from Fun Without Gluten (https://funwithoutgluten.com/chicken-congee-with-gluten-free-chinese-doughnuts/) and the regular version came from What To Cook Today (https://whattocooktoday.com/cakwe-you-tiau.html).

The lumpia and the crullers ready to deep fry!    DUCK-CONFIT FILLED CRISPY LUMPIA So, lun pia, or lumpia if you're filipino, are another southern Chinese specialty that are all over the Philippines. They require super-thin, almost lacey skins, and I've made them by hand before. The recipe I use comes from the indispensible cookbook that is Andrea Nguyen's ASIAN DUMPLINGS. You can read a review of her recipe on the aptly named Burnt Lumpia blog: https://burntlumpia.typepad.com/burnt_lumpia/2009/09/homemade-lumpia-wrappers.html However, this time, in the middle of the heat of service of an already too-long meal... I could not get the dough to work. The pan was too hot, then it was too cold, then the dough was too wet, or maybe too dry? I don't know why it didn't work, and I didn't have time to figure it out, so I defaulted to the back-up plan: the "shanghai style" extra-thin spring roll skins I had bought at H-Mart a few days earlier, for just such a contingency. The filling was shredded duck confit, which stands in very well for the finely shredded pork one often finds in these at parties catered by filipino caterers. (I just gave myself such a craving for lechon, holy cats.)

corwin and me plating the noodle course. Photo by Scliff. Hand-cut Sweetwater noodle w/ ground duck topping corwin learned to make these thick, chewy, rustic noodles from, where else, Chinese Cooking Demystified. Here: https://chinesecookingdemystified.substack.com/p/chengdu-sweet-water-noodles But I'm the one who ended up actually doing the hand-cutting of the noodles, and I fixed up these accordion dividers out of wax paper to keep them from sticking together.

Making sweetwater noodles by hand. Trio of sorbettos: ginger, lychee, orange We made these three sorbets that came out in three different textures as well as three flavors. The ginger was so intensely gingery and so intensely sugary (because corwin used the sugar that was left in the pot after I candied ginger to make it) that it wouldn't actually freeze. It remained creamy in texture and had to be kept in the deep freezer, not the upright, or it turned to soup. And he used the sugar leftover from me candying the buddha's hand to make the orange sorbet. And we used canned lychee for the lychee sorbet, but I don't remember the details now... The main thing is we have a decent ice cream maker (Whynter brand) that can be left unsupervised while it aerates and freezes.

Closeup on the candied buddha's hand.  

The roast duck before carving.   Sticky-rice stuffed roast duck (main dish) With Scallion & Cucumber garnish

The traditional roast duck accompaniments, cucumbers and scallions. Read the full article

[plounce]

my headcanon cardassian worldbuilding is based around how cardassians need warm tenperatures and low light levels while also being from a desert planet. so their urban centers are largely underground tunnels/bunkers, because there they can be in controlled dimness while also retaining the heat. all of their streets and roads are underground. plus in a totalitarian fascist state, the majority of the population living in a very well-mapped, controlled, and finite space makes it easier to keep the populace under the state's thumb and encourages a certain amount of cultural isolationism. living in those tall sloping towers as seen in the scene-setting matte paintings is restricted to the higher classes because 1. they take a lot of outdoor labor to build (cardassian colonial exploitation would also include diurnal laborers) 2. I Am Looking Down At You Because I Am Superior And Bigger Than You. however in a turn of cosmic justice, all those towers got super destroyed in the dominion bombardment because they were so exposed. some of the tunnels collapsed and led to loss of life that way, but other tunnels had been around for centuries and were very stable, allowing protection to the inhabitants. the basic cardassian diet has a lot of root vegetables and mushrooms (secondary to meat), ornamental flora has a lot of colorful fungi, as those survive better underground. fancy flowers and perfectly calibrated greenhouses are the realm of the wealthy. i imagine that access to/control of sunlight is a popular theme in cardassian political arts.

they are also crepuscular like many desert species (active during dusk and dawn) so they instinctively take siestas at the hottest and coldest parts of the day with the day sleep being the primary rest period. of course the ability to actually have both of these natural sleep periods (what is best for cognitive and bodily health) is restricted to the higher classes so as to extract maximum labor from the lower classes. garak's shop's space yelp page has a "his lunch hour is four hours long" complaint subsection, but the night shift loves him

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Research published on Friday by the Food and Agricultural Organisation (FAO) at Cop28 reveals the huge impact of livestock emissions on the climate. Livestock produce methane, a greenhouse gas 80 times more powerful than carbon dioxide, so are a key contributor to the climate crisis.

The FAO found that livestock agrifood systems – which include cattle, buffaloes, sheep, goats, pigs and chickens – are responsible for 6.2 gigatonnes (Gt) of carbon dioxide equivalent (CO2eq) emissions.

This accounts for approximately 12% of all emissions in 2015, the baseline year chosen for the study.

It also found:

 Of all the six animal species considered, cattle contribute to more than 60% of global livestock emissions.

 Of the edible animal products – meat, milk and eggs – two-thirds of the emissions are linked to meat production across all species.

 A further one-third of emissions comes from the production, processing and transport of feed inputs.

By 2050, demand for animal products is likely to grow by a fifth from 2020 levels

Without intervention, this upward trend could result in increased emissions from livestock systems, potentially undermining efforts to reduce GHG emissions and exacerbating global temperature rises.

The FAO concludes that more sustainable practices are needed, including breeding livestock for lower emissions and changing their feed, as well as changing human diets.

The report included some data that will trouble campaigners. Cattle in sub-Saharan Africa produce relatively far more emissions than North American cattle, according to the study, although most conservationists would regard subsistence herding as more acceptable environmentally than the mega farms of the US midwest.

The report notes that the absolute emissions of US intensive livestock farming are far greater than those of African herds, but said there was scope for interventions in Africa that would reduce emissions.

Campaigners will not want to see the US given a clean sheet and subsistence farmers taking the blame – that would be the wrong conclusion to draw from their data.

FAO will also present, separately, on Sunday a road map for the world food systems for staying within 1.5C .

Ivo Vlaev, a professor of behavioural science at Warwick Business School at the University of Warwick, said: “Shifting public dietary habits, especially in affluent countries where meat consumption is high, is a complex challenge. People’s food choices are deeply ingrained and influenced by cultural, social, and personal factors.

“Interventions to change these behaviours must account for these influences, potentially employing strategies like social norming (highlighting the growing popularity of plant-based diets), framing (emphasising the personal health benefits of reduced meat consumption), and facilitating ease of access to alternative protein sources.”

X

Preliminary reporting on the roadmap here

[demonslayedher]

How do you think the evolved form of Akaza was? Would he have changed his appearance or would he not have had any physical change? How do you think the change would have been?

If demons were Oni-mon, a collectable trading card game, there would be set courses of their potential based on how hard they train and how many people they eat. Like a road-map in their genetics!

But Muzan doesn't play Oni-mon. Muzan's too mature and scientific so such trite and childish games. Muzan is a man of science! That mean he's more likely to have a passing curiosity in bacteria and do a bunch of swabs around the house, and then he gets tired of waiting to see the results, and then he forgets about them until he comes back later to be pleasantly shocked how his bacteria cultures overgrew their containers in all sorts of unexpected shapes and colors.

That is to say, I think demons would have a very active form of epigenetics, that is, how their DNA responds to different behaviors and environmental factors, as opposed to following some set course in their DNA. As a simple real life example, years of diet and exercise will impact how you look at middle age, and two versions of yourself in alternate universes may be hard to recognize as having the same DNA because of this.

Demons are like extreme versions of this; they start with a certain set of DNA, and that DNA accounts for a lot of how they start out as a demon, and the ways that DNA is expressed will be more volatile to changes in their diet--or in Akaza's case, exercise.

So if we take Akaza as a demon developed through physical training and limited diet, then he's bound to look like some kind of gym dude bro no matter how far he gets from where he started.

Hang on, I gotta check something. Ufufufufufufu. Basketball was introduced to Japan in 1908. Moving on.

Something that's been key in major physical developments in demons, at least when we've seen them as they first occur (we don't know how and when Hantengu, Gyokko, and Daki discovered their own transformative abilities), is that there's an emotional elemental, like a sense of desperation. Specially, I'm referring to Nezuko and Kokushibo achieving what we might think of as their "ultimate forms," at least for what we saw, but given the "infinity" theme so common in demons, I'll bet they still could had gone further. Akaza really likes the idea of training forever, but it doesn't seem he's got a specific outcome in mind.

Other times, there is intention in how one develops, like when Nezuko figured out she could get small just because Tanjiro asked her to, or when Enmu was straining himself to merge with a massive physical object. I... I kinda don't think Akaza thought that hard about the pink hair (but something in his memories was drawn to pink, he must not had been able to help it.)

We've also seen cases of demons choosing not to show their most powerful, achievable form, for whatever reason, from convenience to aesthetic (Nezuko, Daki, Muzan especially). Akaza seems to have no qualms about this. Would he get angry about Speedy stealing his look, though? Annoyed at least, probably, Speedy is weak.

So if we take these factors into account, like desperation for some desired outcome and admiration of strength, who knows, maybe in some AU out there he figured out a way to merge his dislodged hand with Kyojuro's body as a means of forcing him to stay alive so they can fight forever.

But maybe we needn't look any further than Akaza's desperation not to die himself, so much so that he sealed the injury at his neck. If he were to keep developing from that point, perhaps before he manages to pop out a new head, his other muscles bulge first, especially in the upper chest area and arms. He'd probably be capable of taking of a much, much larger physical form than just his kinda short human-sized one.

And then maybe what would pop out...

.........would be a football-shaped head.

[ambiguouspuzuma]

Parts of the recent potato discourse reveal a disturbing lack of understanding of how fantasy works. You could do this for everything, until you end up making your fantasy world an exact reflection of our one, and devoid of anything that makes it special.

I have actually done as prescribed and written a proxy-Andean civilisation, but they also have large sailing ships. Do I need to include a proxy-Egyptian or other culture to explain this? Or does that logic only work in reverse?

Some of the characters use longbows and halberds - does that mean I need to feature proxy-British and proxy-German peoples as justification? Do I also need to include all of the historical context that led to their development?

In fact, forget chickens and cows - where do you think modern humans cane from? Must every fantasy land include a proxy-Africa and chart our evolution in a way that exactly maps onto the real world?

I don't think that it does. In our world there is only one way that things happened, one chronology, one way the cards were dealt, with certain cultures benefitting from certain accidents of geography, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have happened otherwise, on another world, after shuffling the deck.

One of the great delights of fantasy worldbuilding is that you can mix and match cultural influences and change things around so that they came about differently than the history we know. Insisting on strict real world historical and geographical 'accuracy' for every tiny detail is an excellent way to cut the genre's wings and drain all the magic away.

If this was about a species that could only thrive in a tropical climate, but the author has it growing in a temperate one, we could start nitpicking. But the fact that you explicitly concede that the potato could be grown anywhere? Come on. If all potatoes had to be grown in the Andes and imported, sure. But nowadays they do come from 'the store', grown from a farm just down the road.

There is a valid point around people not being aware of the origins of things they take for granted, and maybe there are some occasions where this becomes obvious in writing a fantasy setting clearly based on pre-1570 Europe that includes potatoes as a native crop, and this is then a prompt to raise this awareness.

However, that is not the point that almost anyone in making here. Instead, they have reached far past it to demand that all mentions of potatoes must be justified by the existence of a proxy-Andean civilisation, which is unreasonable and not something they would support in the other direction.

Fantasy cultures can combine a mixture of various influences. Unless a story is explicitly based on medieval Europe, it's unfair to criticise it for including something that wasn't in medieval Europe if it could exist in this fantasy land (i.e. provided the climate is appropriate, it is consistent with their other diet and agriculture, etcetera).

That works for anachronisms ('you can't have knights fighting vikings, the concept of the knight only developed later') as well as for whatever the geographical equivalent is ('you can't have cheesy mashed potatoes, they developed in different continents'). If you want to write a strictly historically accurate story, based exactly on one location in our world, you should do so. But there is no requirement for others to all do the same.

If the author has nowhere attempted to write a historical novel or committed to base it in medieval Europe, they are free to mix elements from different places and times - from fireworks to hot air balloons - to create something new. The alternative is to enforce strict cultural segregation in fiction, a form of protectionism which doesn't feel like a progressive step, and means I now have to go through my proxy-Andean setting and remove all mentions of cheese because it is forbidden to them.

Please, let people write what they want. Let someone's proxy-German culture have the occasional spud, and let my proxy-Andean culture have books and swords and the wheel in exchange, and both our worlds will be richer for it.