#do not use this to diagnose yourself with psychosis please

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Okay. I'm going to talk a little bit about what my experience of psychosis is like for a bit. Because I opened that can of worms in another post already, and it really DOESN'T get discussed because realistically (and reasonably) most of us who experience psychosis are too afraid to speak openly about it lest people decide we're the wrong type of crazy.

But when I first started working in mental health I had a boss who sat down with us in our inaugural staff meeting and introduced himself by talking about his experience of being committed for psychosis, and that was.....life changing? For me because I had never met anyone else like me in my career path. Maybe I can be that for someone else. Maybe I can just be a comfort. Maybe I just start a conversation. Whatever happens, I'm ready.

When I was little, I called them the whispers. The sounds that spilled under doorways and creeped along the hallways of my family home like fog, low to the ground, surface tension vibrating with the sound of a million voices trapped and muffled inside like a bubble waiting for me to burst it and free them. They were easy to ignore as long as I wasn't alone in stillness. I compressed them in my mind, shoving them farther and farther into the back nooks and crannies like a hated birthday present from an aunt you loved and didn't want to offend. Sometimes I pushed too hard and they all came pouring out like the rush of a white water rapid. But when I was alone, the rapids caught an eddy, spiraling around and around in a vortex that drowned out thoughts, feelings, hopes, and fears like so many twigs or leaves floating downriver.

I learned quickly not to tell people about the whispers. People did not like hearing about the whispers. It made them.....uncomfortable. but they had been there my whole life. As far as I knew, I came into this world crying in the hospital, was gently placed into a cradle with the first of the pinchie pillows I would have for life, and there were the whispers right along with it. I had never been afraid of them because there had never been a reason to be. Others clearly disagreed. The whispers became my secret.

What was easier to get away with was being "daydreamy". As a child, no one was surprised that I spent most of my time lost in my own little world. No one thought it odd (well, odd perhaps, but not the kind of odd you worry about) that my presence in their world seemed loose, tenuous at best. I wrote poetry about my senses and they called it deep and meaningful and encouraged me to read it at contests and performances. It didn't occur to me that describing the world through the lens of my own perception was artistic. To me, it was descriptive. Laughter sounds like the tinkling of broken glass and hangs in the air like a cloud of mineral dust. Winter in my hometown smelled like fog and decay and felt like the weightless apex of the jump off the balance beam. Thoughts came, not in language that could be spoken, or pictures to be described, but in the twist and dance of colored smoke as it curls and blooms around the tip of a stick of incense. Sometimes, if I focus, I can taste the scent of the stick's perfume on my tongue when I try to speak it into a reality I share with others.

Once I admitted to a therapist that I "didn't feel real" which was the closest I could come to describing the experience of being able to feel a body that didn't exist, and unable to feel a body that did, while the threads that connected MeAsIAm to MeAsIAppearAndExist floated in the breeze of unreality, barely tethering the two together. I was told this is depersonalization and dissociation, and that I needed to learn how to ground myself in my present body and time. I was not told that grounding was supposed to batten down the hatches of my body-mind and lock the two together again "as they should be". Which is probably why it never bothered me that it didn't. That it couldn't. That my body-mind was never connected in that way to begin with. The grounding tools did make it much easier to function in a world designed for a unified front, however, and I appreciated that. When I needed to be present, I could Turn On The Gravity and when I no longer needed it, off went the switch, and off I drifted into the orbit of my physicality again. Content and at peace. I did learn that the more "reality" rejected the shape of me, the harder the Gravity needed to work. The more room was left for my Strangeness, the less energy grounding strategies required. This is, I suspect, in part because I was allowed to be disjointed or scattered, at least a little, and so the extent to which I needed to be "grounded" in order to interact with others varied from context to context.

I don't think my perceptions are "real" in the sense that others could sense them too if they were a little more open minded. But I do think that they're "real" in that they are mine. My reality includes them. And I know that many others....simply don't. I think that's probably fine. It might be nice not to have to concentrate so hard on Being A Person In A Society. But I found treatment and support protocols that helped me. I moved out of my parents' home, got a couple of degrees, and I work in mental health now where I have often spoken to others who have similarly varied realities. I can sometimes see, when lucidity allows a more tightly tethered connection for them, clients realize I have asked a question that they've never been asked before. One that seems. Perhaps a little too specific and accurate to be coming from a textbook. But mostly I think they don't realize. This is also probably fine. I don't think I would have felt differently about my providers growing up had I known they shared my experiences of psychosis. I have had providers who were terrible at supporting me through it, and others who were very helpful. For me what mattered was knowing I could acknowledge my reality in care without it becoming an automatic hospitalization. This is something providers can do regardless of whether or not they also struggle to connect MeAsIAm and MeAsIAppearAndExist. It requires compassion and recognition of my autonomy. Not embodied understanding.

Besides there are many different ways to experience psychosis. Who's to say that because two people both have it, they both share an understanding of it?

It does sometimes help communication though. I've found that it can be hard for those without phychosis to follow my thoughts as I say them in orders and intonations and patterning that is comfortable for me. I speak 2 languages, but I also communicate in a language that is not a language. It is a rhythm, a melody, a song in my head that lilts and crescendos and....whispers. I find that this is often confusing to those who speak only languages. Perhaps less so depending on which language, but that undercurrent of rhythm appears meaningful in ways I do not care to dissect. So I speak carefully. Precisely. In deliberate orders. I prefer to write than to speak because it better accommodates this and decreases the amount of translation that I forget to do in attempting to communicate with others.

These things are difficult. Not everyone who has psychosis as part of their experience will share my strengths, limitations, contexts, or decisions. This is probably fine. Or it would be if the workd had space for us as we are. It rarely seems to. This is probably less fine.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Warning for venting and diagnosis stuff. I did a full psychological evaluation. It took weeks. I didn't get the results for months. I had to do about 2 hours going over the results. Part of that was a diagnosis for DID. Great. Explanation for stuff. My autism loves a medically named explanation for myself. Just went into a different mental health facility. For various reasons. They doubt my diagnosis, made it very clear they thought it was wrong, said there wasn't enough evidence in the report, that my symptoms could be explained as psychosis and OCD. Also they don't think I have PTSD. And now I'm back to doubting everything that's ever happened and questioning every headmates existence. Can you link the doubting posts? I know they exist I have trouble finding them. I'm sorry.

Hey, here are some resources that might help you. The first is our post on dealing with denial.

You don’t need to have DID or any other dissociative disorder in order to be plural. If you feel plural, you are more than welcome to identify as such. We can’t answer for you whether or not you have DID, but we do have a resource post where you can learn more about it and potentially self-diagnose/trust your original psychologist if that feels right.

We may have some other posts which may be helpful for you. We’ll link our directory, so you can peruse them for yourself to see if we’ve written anything else that could help you right now.

We really hope that you’ll be able to gain some clarity over your mental health in the future and start to understand yourself (or selves!) a bit better. Rest assured, plural or not, DID or not, you’ll always be welcome here. Wishing you the very best.

[sampsonstorm]

You wanna know what i hate? You wanna know why i left the toxic Helluva / Hazbin Community?

The real reason?

Because i am sick and tired of arguing with teenagers who come on pretending like they know everything. Sorry kids, but you DONT know more than the older 25+ year olds who have been on their own in this world while you are still in highschool! You just dont so stop pretending you do. Most of you cant even say the word Rape without using the 🍇 emoji. You cant accept that CNC -BDSM is a practice without getting your panties in a twist.

You use terms like "Arm Chair Diagnose" without acknowledging the FULL definition. I have RELEVANT experience. What is my relevant experience? You may ask, in this situation? I had a friend who exhibited VERY similar behavior in what he said to people. This friend had AntiSocial personality Disorder and Schizophrenia. He also had Psychosis. I lived with him for 2 years. Wanna know what the definition of Arm Chair Diagnosis is?

I gave no one advice. I didnt say this person 100% has this thing. I said "This person, based on their behavior, COULD POTENTIALLY HAVE based on x,y,z behaviors," wanna know what else i said to the person themselves? I said "If you are struggling , go seek PROFESSIONAL help ASAP." And i said this because i lived with someone who acted like this and he destroyed his own life not seeking help.

Children, and yes i mean anyone aged 1-20, need to stop telling grown ass adults what to do. Until youre 25+ Stop doing it please. Respect that sometimes, you're not gonna like what comes out of peoples mouths (im not talking about slurs or anything like that)and that sometimes, people CAN know better than you based on life experience. Im saying sometimes people have experiences that go over your own and no amount of arguing will change that.

If you aren't old enough to even drink, if you can't conceptualize how to even move out yet, if you have no REAL life experience as an adult and youre biggest problem is highschool and your parents, leave it be please.

In conclusion, I'm done arguing. Yall dont know what youre talking about most of the time and most of the original adult critics abandoned the community for this reason. Its become pedantic and beyond nit-picky. Its full of attention seekers who will pick a fight with you over the stupidest things. And ill admit, if i didnt have experience on the matter, i WOULDNT HAVE SAID ANYTHING. But i DID have experience so i said something so that a person with a potentially life ruining personality disorder could get help and know where to potentially start. You people are going to get everything censored because you cant handle anything YOU dont like.

And yes, i DO recognize that when people who have ZERO experience call someone a Narcissist or diagnose someone with something else, its harmful and stigmatizes mental illness.

I will also say "Armchair Diagnosis" saved me when i didnt know what panic disorder was and it was ravaging my body. I couldnt afford a phsyciatrist. At least that "Armchair Diagnosis" by someone who had experience with Panic Disorder gave me somewhere to start. because its easier to be honest with yourself about your symptoms (in my experience) than a stranger in a chair who's being paid to listen to you and has the potential to not gove a fuck about you.

[creepiefarm]

CW ableism towards systems

I wanted to address this briefly, because lately I've seen far too many MH blogs spreading content that both demonizes and misrepresents OSDDID. I am a singlet, but this post was written with the help of and checked over by systems.

First and foremost please educate yourself, that is the first step and easiest way to avoid spreading blatant ableism. I will be linking some resources for that at the end of this post. Listen to systems when they tell you things are harmful or wrong.

When you see a post about OSDDID, how is it being talked about? Are they speaking positively about the disorder, or are they framing it to be "scary" or "edgy"? If the post does speak positivity about the disorders, how is it worded? How does it refer to system alters, or other parts of the disorder? Does it fall into common stereotypes, (i.e. the "evil alter") or treat it like a quirky character trait?

Now more specifically there is a post going around that made me feel there was a need to make this post. The post states you can't headcanon Tim or other characters in MH as being systems

[Image ID: Screenshot of a tumblr post that says: “okay fellas, welcome, you’re here- and before you start spreading around false stuff, here’s a few good reminders! 1. None of the characters from Marble Hornets Youtube Series have DID. Masky and Hoodie are not evil leittle creatures that live inside Tim and Brian!” end ID]

This extremely poor wording implies that, if Tim or Brian have DID, that would make Masky and Hoody evil creatures that live in their brains. Basically stating that alters are "evil", and also dehumanizing them in the process. [There are of course nonhuman alters who should be respected just as much as human alters, but that is not what op is doing by calling them "creatures."] Masky or Hoody being alters would not make them evil, there is no such thing as an "evil alter". This is one of the most widespread ableist beliefs about systems, and something that is so easy to spot.

OP received many comments on why this is gross and harmful, but chose to leave it up. They responded with an "apology" that addressed none of the issues with their statement, was very condescending and basically showed they have no idea what they're talking about.

[Image ID: screenshot of a tumblr post that says: “okay, lads. fellas. regarding my previous post, since a few people found it offensive (?) that I said none of the characters in MH have specifically DID disorder. I understand that people have their own headcanons and this is totally fine! I will not bash someone for healthily using such a hc to create a sense of comfort!

On that note, there are a select few people that I've seen in the past that romanticizes such a disorder- or make it very black n' white (aka Masky is this awful alter). Along with this, Tim canonically has psychosis, or something along the lines of this. In simple terms, romanticizing DID disorder (or any disorder)? not the best! Using such a headcanon as a sense of comfort/in a healthy fashion? totally fine! thank yew and have a good day” end ID]

If you are not well educated on a topic you do not have to speak on it. In cases like this, where I think op probably intended to help, they have instead spread gross ableism to hundreds of people. If someone is creating content that is gross and fetishizes the disorder, call them out on it. But if you have spent any good amount of time in this fandom you know most system headcanons are made by systems. It's a very weird thing to start a post for "new fans" with an ableist point about an issue you have only seen "a select few people do in the past." 

[As a side note, psychosis is not a disorder, it is a symptom. And if we are going with “in canon” Tim was diagnosed with Schizophrenia.]

There is nothing inherently "romanticizing" or "unhealthy" about headcanoning any character as a system. This would not be said about headcanoning a character with depression or anxiety, and I really need you guys to sit and think about why that is. OSDDID and psychotic disorders (also mentioned by op) are notoriously demonized. And spreading posts like this without thinking absolutely adds to that.

It's so important to be able to recognize things like this for how harmful they are. It does not matter if op had other points you agreed with, or if they had good intentions. This is ableism, it's wrong, and it's hurting people.

System headcanons are good, and it's wonderful that so many systems see healthy rep in MH for their disorder. This is not and has never been the issue. Here are some links a system friend gave me that you can educate yourself with. Systems are of course, welcome to add any additional thoughts, thank you for reading.

Common myths and perceptions | Alters | C-PTSD & DID | DID vs OSDD | How to help a friend with OSDDID | youtube channel

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

hiya there. was hoping for some reassurance/comfort. (mentions of abuse and bullying but no in-depth detail)

i've experienced quite a lot of bullying as well as about a year of no contact sexual abuse from a previous partner (i was about 13-14 and he always about a year older than me).

ever since i was 11 i knew that something was wrong with me (in the mental health sort of way) but it's taken a long time for me to get help. i was referred to our mental health services and bounced around for a short time (between a short-term therapy service, the overarching service, and an early-intervention psychosis service) before i had an 'urgent' psychiatric assessment. however then i was immediately discharged via letter and was told it was all due to my autism (professionally diagnosed).

i feel as though i failed my 11 year old self. we have (suspected) DID so there is a sense of disconnect (even though im 90% sure that was me) but it still feels like i didn't work hard enough. it's not necessarily my wish to get help (suspected szpd reasons) but it's what they wanted and i pushed through all that uncomfortable stuff for them only to be immediately turned away. i can feel it eating at me constantly and my mother doesn't seem too bothered. i don't know what to do and it makes me feel like im a fake. i don't really know how to perceive myself.

-mika (please tag it as such if you post this too please)

Hi Mika,

I'm sorry to hear about everything you've been through, not only in the abuse you suffered but your struggles with getting proper mental health treatment.

Unfortunately, accessing effective and affordable mental healthcare can be needlessly difficult, and often just adds to the ongoing mental health challenges. I'm sorry that you've experienced this first-hand. Please know that none of this is your fault, and in fact I'm proud of you for attempting to advocate for yourself, both your health and your needs.

While it's perfectly valid to feel discouraged, invisible, or insignificant, it can also be incredibly rewarding to continue to try and find the care you deserve. But it's ultimately important to give yourself patience and compassion as you navigate this system, both institutional and possibly internal as well.

If anyone would like to add any comments or suggestions, feel free to do so. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[dailythingsimgratefulfor]

Hi! I’m Azura, I use she/her, I’m 16, and this is a blog where I try to be more aware of the things I do have rather than the things I don’t. You can submit posts/asks if you would like to join :)

All gratitude posts are tagged under #mental health and #gratitude. Miscellaneous posts such as this one are tagged under #misc post. Asks are tagged under #askbox.

Asks and submissions are: on, anon allowed.

For a little bit more about me, read below the cut!

Hi! My name is Anne but I go by Azura online. I’m 16, and I’m from Arkansas. My entire life I’ve struggled with my mental health, depression and anxiety, psychosis, as well as chronic pain and illness. On August 1st, I began taking anti depressants for the first time in my life and next week I’m going back to school after hiding in my house for the entirety of sophomore year. I am choosing to not squander this opportunity and the life I’ve been given.

I am diagnosed with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, adhd, and autism, and my doctors suspect borderline personality disorder and Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I am my own person and my diagnoses do not define me. I am here because I want to be aware of the things I do have rather than the things I don’t, and change my thought process to one of optimism rather than pessimism and hopefully encourage others to do the same.

I love my cats and I love video games, I like to write and I like cowboys and the colors pink and orange. I love my mom and my brother and my friends and my boyfriend. Please remember that you are valid no matter where you’re at in your mental health journey. If you are too sick to be able to focus on the good stuff, then you’re valid, don’t beat yourself up over it.

I love you all!

[tired-gay-wreck9]

i see so many people talking about bipolar 2 sollux or bipolar 1 mituna but we all really looked over the real bipolar king: Jake English

in the first time we see him, pre-dating dirk, he displays a lot of symptoms of hypomania/mania. he has delusions of being an amazing and flawless guy, and sees no consequences in being a dick to Jane. he also is very energetic and peppy these wouldn't all make him bipolar, as bipolar is characterized as having high highs (mania/hypomania) and low lows (severe depression). jake english has never displayed symptoms of severe depression on-screen.

but he has off screen! around after he started his relationship with dirk, he became distant, ignoring dirks pesters and only talking to jane about his relationship problems. he seems significantly less happy and energetic. even with an outside perspective, i would say that in this period in his life he's dealing with depression.

we dont have any evidence that his depression is in the severe lows it would be if he were bipolar, as we see nothing of his life, but because we see nothing of his life he could also stop caring for his interests and stop caring for himself. we really don't know how bad it got for him.

now, if jake does have bipolar, the next question is whether he has bipolar 1 or 2. if you dont know the difference between those two, it can be summarized as that the mania is more intense for someone with bipolar 1.

in bipolar 2, mania means happiness, a percived loss of consequences, elevated self esteem and energy, and in some cases, elevated anxiety and anger (but jake doesnt really display a lot of those last two symptoms soooo) in bipolar 1 the person has all those symptoms but more intense. but the mosty defining symptom that seperates bp1 and bp2 in psychosis in bipolar 1 patients, and the fact that episodes last longer in bp1 patients (bp2 episodes last for a few days to 2 weeks, while bp1 episodes can last for 2 weeks to a year or so)

I personally think Jake had bipolar 1, but you can hc whatever you want. the rest of this post will be about bp1 jake so you can stop reading if that doesnt interest you.

if we look at our last few observations of jake's episodes, it makes the most sense that he has longer episodes. pre-medium and post introduction to the viewer, we assume that he is exclusively manic/hypomanic. we can also assume that during the 153 days post-medium and pre-trickster he was depressed. if we go off of those assumptions, it makes the most sense for him to be bipolar one based off of the length.

'but max', you may say, 'Jake has never had psychosis!' and to that i say, yes. he has never had textbook definition psychosis. but he does have brain ghost dirk. and while brain ghost dirk does actually exist, the existance of his ex boyfriend that only he can see who he can hope into existance could be interpreted as coding, maybe an allusion to actual psychosis???

and while we're on the topic of allusions and shit, trickster mode really shares a lot of symptoms of hypomania ;)

who knows. im not a doctor. fun thought experiment, right? i love head canons

but fr, please dont use a headcanon post about a homestuck character to diagnose yourself with something. i also dont have bipolar 1 and while i do have bipolar 2 i still couldve gotten some stuff wrong so please let me know if i did or forgot to mention some stuff!

stay safe and sane babes!

[griancraft]

A mutual here who wants to stay anon but uh how did you figure out you were a system? Because sometimes I am not sure if I may be or not or how to even broach that question with my therapist. No obligation to share if you're not comfortable though.

Okay so I’m so sorry this is messy it’s hard to articulate. I’m not satisfied with this at all actually but it’s fine it’s fine ill answer questions that lead off from this

I figured out I was a system very very incidentally. I have been experiencing what I now know were headmates on and off since I was 7. I won’t bring up what because I don’t feel comfortable sharing. I just remember them “taking the reigns” when I was stressed, upset, or otherwise needed help. As well as there being things I don’t remember now that I know happened. As in. Trauma.

At age 16 I went through a pretty heavy experience that fucked me up. I’m not even sure if I’m the same person in a literal sense as I was back then. After the trauma, I experienced a lot of memory loss and other little things. Heavy disssoiation as well. I believed I had a ghost following me around when things would go missing and move around. I remember one time I thanked the ghost, and it never happened again. See, the point of a system is that the host isn’t really supposed to know. So despite the fact I was 100% a system and gained alters before I found out I had no clue. At all. Partially because I am oblivious to all hell.

I found out because our ranboo fronted and was. Terrible at it. I love her a lot but she is terrible at masking.

We were watching GTWSs MCC and I started dissociating really bad, and got a pressure above my eye. Blah blah blah, it got really bad, and she co cofronted. We bled into each other and when I saw fanart we went “oh! Me!” And I panicked to say the least!!

Basically I was panicking and texted all my system friends and eventually she calmed me down and explained that yes we were a system and it was just her and I (a lie. At the time we had Dandelion and Tommy. She just wanted to protect them.) So. It wasn’t me coming to some grand conclusion after gathering proof for a while it was me bumping into our Ranboo fictive and leaving her stumbling headfirst into the curtain that was systemhood and ripping it down from the wall. It want the most fun experience to start! Tommy didn’t talk to me for months because I was an asshole about systems when we first formed him nearly a year prior to that point. Dandelion was standoffish and cruel. Ranboo was trying to keep it all together and make sure we didn’t fall and fail and die etc etc. now everyone functions nicely and we have a working dynamic between all of us but that took a lot of communication.

If you can figure it out in a nice, smooth way that’s awesome. I don’t know how to help with that :,)

It sounds very much like you are trying to peruse a diagnosis a little? I won’t fault you for that but please know there is nothing inherently wrong with self diagnosing. Just remember that symportms DO cross over and be willing to pivot.

Actual diagnosis is something I personally will never do. Not because I don’t want to but due to societal stigma and the chance it has to affect things in the future.

This is very very anecdotal and I encourage you to ask yourself but I was told by a previous therapist (a shitty one, but a therapist) that diagnosis of DID or psychosis will not allow you to medically transition. Please take this weigh a grain of salt as he was a. Outdated man.

As a final note. You don’t need to in order to use resources for systems!!! I will never get an official diagnosis because it will 100% affect my ability to get a job. we are pretty functional, so I see no need. I still use PK and simply plural, and talk to people about my experiences though!

Even if you are wrong, you used resources that helped you at the time. And there is nothing wrong with that.

[infernallegaycy]

Writing Psychotic Characters

Hi! I’ve seen a few of these writing things pop up recently (and in the past), but I haven’t seen any on psychotic characters—which, judging from the current state of portrayals of psychosis in media, is something I think many people* need. And as a psychotic person who complains about how badly psychosis tends to be represented in media, I thought I’d share a bit of information and suggestions!

A lot of this isn’t necessarily specifically writing advice but information about psychosis, how it presents, and how it affects daily life. This is partially purposeful—I feel that a large part of poor psychotic representation stems from a lack of understanding about psychosis, and while I’m not usually in an educating mood, context and understanding are crucial to posts like this. A lot of this also relates to writing psychosis in a modern-day setting, simply because that’s where bad psychotic representation tends to mostly occur (and it’s the only experience I’ve had, obviously), but please don’t shy away from applying this advice to psychotic characters in sci-fi/fantasy/historical fiction/etc. Psychosis is not a wholly modern phenomenon, nor would speculative fiction feel truly escapist without being able to see yourself reflected in it.

Please also note that I am not a medical professional nor an expert in psychology. I simply speak from my personal experiences, research, and what I’ve read of others’ experiences. I also do not speak for all psychotic people, and more than welcome any alternative perspectives to my own.

*These people, in all honesty, aren’t likely to be the ones willingly reading this. But there are people who are willing to learn, so here’s your opportunity.

(Warnings: Mentions of institutionalization/hospitalization, including forced institutionalization; ableism/saneism; and brief descriptions of delusions and hallucinations. Also, it’s a pretty long post!)

Up front, some terminology notes: “Unpsychotic” refers to people who are not psychotic. This includes other mentally ill and neurodivergent people. Please try to avoid terminology like “non-[identity],” as much of it is co-opted from “nonblack.”

Also, “psychotic” and “delusional” will not be, and should not be, used to refer to anything but respectively someone who experiences psychosis and someone who experiences delusions. Remove these words as insults and negative descriptors for anyone you dislike from your vocabulary.

In addition, I generally use adjectives rather than person-first language because that is the language I, and the seeming majority of other neurodivergent and mentally ill people, prefer. Others might describe themselves differently (as “people with psychosis,” for instance). Don’t assume either way—I’d generally suggest you say “psychotic person” first, and then correct yourself if the person in question prefers different terminology.

1) Psychosis is a symptom, not a disorder.

As a term, “psychosis” describes any number of symptoms that indicate a break with reality, such as delusions and hallucinations (I’ll go into more detail about this in a bit). It commonly occurs as part of several mental and neurological disorders, including but not limited to:

Schizophrenia

Schizophreniform disorder (same symptoms as schizophrenia, but for a shorter period of time than 6 months)

Schizoaffective disorder (combined symptoms of psychosis and a mood disorder, but not enough to completely fill the diagnostic criteria for either)

Bipolar disorder (typically as part of manic episodes, but it can also occur in unipolar depression and depressive episodes)

Personality disorders, including borderline personality disorder (for which transient paranoia under stress is part of the diagnostic criteria), paranoid personality disorder, and schizoid personality disorder

Post-traumatic stress disorder

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Dissociative disorders (though psychosis =/= dissociative identity disorder; if you want further information on the latter, which I do not have, please seek out another post!)

Psychosis can also occur with forms of epilepsy, sleep disorders, metabolic disorders, and autoimmune disorders. It tends to be a major part of neurodegenerative disorders like Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. In addition, it can occur when not related to a chronic health condition; things like sleep deprivation and stress can induce temporary psychosis, as can drug use and medication.

This isn’t to say you necessarily need to define a disorder for a psychotic character, as some psychotic people (including myself) primarily just describe ourselves as “psychotic,” and some aren’t diagnosed with anything specific. However, if your psychotic character is a main/perspective character, I definitely recommend it. Chances are, someone with that disorder is reading/watching, and I’m sure they’d love to see a bit of direct representation. In general, you probably should at least have something in mind, because psychotic symptoms and severity/onset can differ greatly.

Some psychotic disorders’ diagnostic criteria explicitly exclude others (someone cannot be diagnosed with both schizophrenia and schizophreniform disorder at the same time, for instance, though the latter can develop into the former), but comorbidity is possible—and often common—among certain disorders and other neurological/mental conditions. Rates vary, so definitely research this, but in short, it is very much possible for psychotic people to have multiple disorders, including disorders that don’t include psychotic symptoms. (Personally speaking: I’m autistic, ADHD, and OCD in addition to being psychotic, and I’m physically disabled as well.)

I’m not here to do all the research for you—if you want to know more about specific psychotic disorders, then by all means, look them up! Go beyond Wikipedia and Mayo Clinic articles, too. Talk to people who have them. Seek out blogs and YouTube channels run by people with them. Read books about psychosis by psychotic people**. Pay attention to how we describe ourselves and our disorders.

And if you want to write characters with those disorders, especially if you’re writing from their perspectives, then please for the love of God, hire a sensitivity reader. For authenticity, I would recommend seeking out someone with the same disorder, not just anyone psychotic.

**If you want a fiction recommendation: I don’t actually know if the author is schizophrenic like the main character, but I really enjoyed and related to The Drowning Girl by Caitlín R. Kiernan. Content warnings include, but might not be limited to—it’s been a while since I read it—unreality, self-harm, suicide, abuse, and mentions of transphobia. I haven’t personally read any autobiographies/memoirs/essays yet, so I don’t have any to offer, and quite a few that came up through a cursory search seemed only to focus on being an inspiration to neurotypical people or were from a perspective other than that of the psychotic person in question. If anyone (preferably psychotic people) has any more recommendations, fiction or nonfiction, let me know!

2) Not every psychotic person has the same symptoms.

As mentioned, psychosis consists of symptoms that involve separation with reality, which can present as positive or negative symptoms. Every person’s experiences with these are different, but some generalizations can be made. I definitely recommend reading studies and articles (especially directly by psychotic people) describing experiences and presentation!

I’ll start with positive symptoms, which refer to the presence of symptoms unpsychotic people don’t have, and can include hallucinations, delusions, and disorganized thoughts, speech, and behavior.

You probably know what hallucinations are (perceptions of sensory information that is not really present), but you might not know the specifics. Types of hallucinations include:

Auditory (which tend to be the most common, and are probably the form everyone is most familiar with, primarily as “hearing voices”)

Visual

Olfactory

Tactile/haptic

Gustatory (taste)

Somatic

Some types with regards to bodily sensations get a little muddled from here, but some forms of hallucinations you might not have heard of include thermic (hot/cold), hygric (fluids), kinesthetic (bodily movements), and visceral (inner organs).

(Note: Hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations, which occur when falling asleep or waking up, are not related to psychosis and can occur in anyone.)

As mentioned, there are some forms of hallucinations that are more common, but that is not to say that everyone has the same hallucinations. A lot of us have auditory and/or visual hallucinations, but not everyone does. Some have tactile, olfactory, or gustatory hallucinations instead of or in addition to more common forms (hi! Auditory hallucinations are pretty rare for me, but I constantly feel bugs/spiders crawling on me). If you write a psychotic character that experiences hallucinations, then you should definitely do further research on these types and manifestations of them.

You’re likely also familiar with delusions (a belief that contradicts reality), though again, you might not know the specifics. Delusions can be classified as bizarre (implausible, not shared or understood by peers of the same culture) or non-bizarre (false, but technically possible). They can relate to one’s mood or not.

Some people only experience delusions and no other significant psychotic symptoms (this occurs in delusional disorder). Delusions differ between people and tend to be heavily influenced by environment, but there are some common themes, such as:

Persecution

Guilt, punishment, or sin

Mind reading

Thought insertion

Jealousy

Control

Reference (coincidences having meaning)

Grandeur

Certain types of delusions are more common in certain cultures/backgrounds or certain disorders. I can’t really go into details about specific delusions, because I try not to read many examples (for a reason I’m about to mention), but if you plan on writing a character who experiences delusions, I definitely recommend heavily researching delusions and how it feels to experience them.

I would like to note: I’m not sure how common it is, but I’ve noticed that I personally have a tendency to pick up delusions that I see other psychotic people talking about having. Just kind of, like, an “oh shit what if” feeling creeps up on me, and before I know it, that delusion has wormed its way into my life. Just in case you want some idea of how psychotic people can interact amongst ourselves!

Another quick note: Delusions, by definition, are untrue beliefs; this does not mean that anyone who has ever been delusional is inherently untrustworthy.

Disorganization of thoughts/speech and behavior is more self-explanatory. Problems with thinking and speaking tend to be one of the most common psychotic symptoms, sometimes considered even more so than delusions and hallucinations. There are a lot of ways thought processes can be disrupted, and I honestly think it would be kind of difficult to portray this if you haven’t experienced it, but some common manifestations are:

Derailment

Tangents (which you might notice me doing sometimes in this very post)

Getting distracted mid-sentence/thought

Incoherence/“word salad”

Thought blocking (sudden stops in thoughts/speech)

Repetition of words/phrases

Pressured speech (rapid, urgent speech)

Use of invented words

Poverty of speech/content of speech

(Note that thought/speech disturbances aren’t necessarily exclusive to psychotic disorders. They tend to be common in ADHD and autism as well, though symptoms can be more severe when they occur in, for example, schizophrenia.)

Behavioral abnormalities can include catatonia, which presents in a number of ways, such as mutism, echolalia, agitation, stupor, catalepsy, posturing, and more. Episodes of catatonia last for hours and sometimes longer, which usually requires hospitalization and/or medication. This tends to overlap heavily with symptoms of autism spectrum disorders, which can be comorbid with conditions like schizophrenia.

Negative symptoms, on the other hand, refer to the absence of certain experiences. It can include flat affect (lack of or limited emotional reactions), generally altered emotional responses, a decrease in speech, and low motivation. Most of these speak for themselves, and I’m not honestly sure how to describe them to someone who’s never experienced them in a way that isn’t very metaphorical and therefore kind of unhelpful. If any other psychotic people have suggestions, feel free to add on/message me!

Not every psychotic disorder involves or requires both positive and negative symptoms (to my knowledge, manic episodes of bipolar disorder mostly only include positive symptoms), but many psychotic people experience both. And, as expressed multiple times—and I really can’t stress it enough—every person’s experience with psychosis is different.

If you interview two psychotic people at random, chances are they aren’t going to have the same combination of symptoms. Chances are they won’t even have the same disorder. Therefore, if you write multiple psychotic characters, they shouldn’t be identical in terms of personality or psychosis.

There are also some qualities of psychotic disorders that may not necessarily be diagnostic criteria but are prominent in people with these conditions. These also vary between disorders, but cognitive impairments and similar traits are fairly common.

3) In a similar vein, daily experiences can vary greatly. Psychosis can be a major part of psychotic people’s lives, but it doesn’t always affect daily life.

For some people, psychosis occurs in episodes, not 24/7; you may have heard the term “psychotic break,” which tends to refer to a first episode of psychosis. This is especially true of disorders where psychotic symptoms occur under stress or during mood episodes.

For other people, psychosis is a near-constant. It can wax and wane, but it never completely goes away. These people might be more likely to invest in medication or long-term therapy and other treatment methods.

Psychosis’s impact on everyday life can also be affected by insight (how well the person can tell they’re having psychotic symptoms). There’s not a ton of accessible research—or research at all—into insight and how it affects psychotic people, and I’m not a big fan of describing people as having high/low insight because I think it has the potential to be used like functioning labels (which, for the record, are bad; plenty of other autistic people have written at length about this), but just something to keep in mind. It’s a sliding scale; at different points in time, the same person might have limited or significant awareness of their symptoms. Both greater and poorer insight have been linked to decreased quality of life, so neither one is really a positive.

Just something to be aware of: Yes, sometimes we do realize how “crazy” we seem. Yes, sometimes we don’t. No, it doesn’t really make things any better to know that what we’re seeing/thinking/etc isn’t real. No, people with low insight shouldn’t be blamed or mocked for this.

As such, the diagnostic process can vary greatly. Psychotic people aware of their symptoms or how their lives are being impacted may directly ask for a diagnosis or seek out information on their own. Other times, family or friends might notice symptoms and bring them up to a mental health professional, or someone might be forcibly institutionalized and diagnosed that way.

My professional diagnostic processes have been pretty boring: Over time, I just gradually brought up different diagnoses I thought might fit me to my therapist, whom I started seeing for anxiety (which I no longer strongly identify with, on account of my anxiety mostly stemming from me being autistic, OCD, and psychotic). I filled out checklists and talked about my symptoms. We moved on with the treatment processes I was already undergoing and incorporated more coping mechanisms and stuff like that into therapy sessions. Hardly the tearful scenes of denial you’re used to seeing or reading about.

Other people might have very different experiences, or very similar ones! It all depends! I generally don’t really like reading scenes of people being diagnosed (it’s just exposition and maybe some realization on the PoV character’s part, but it’s usually somewhat inaccurate in that regard), so you can probably steer away from that sort of thing, but you might find it useful to note how your character was identified somewhere? I don’t really have any strong opinions on this.

I’d also like to note: Everything I publicly speak about having, I’ve discussed in a professional therapy setting, just because of my personal complexes. However, I do fully support self-diagnosis. Bigotry and money are huge obstacles against getting professional diagnoses, and if someone identifies with a certain disorder and seeks out treatment mechanisms for it, there’s no real harm being done. If someone is genuinely struggling and they benefit from coping mechanisms intended for a disorder they might not have, then I think that’s better than if they shied away because they weren’t professionally diagnosed with it, and therefore didn’t get help they needed. With proper research, self-diagnosis is fully ethical and reasonable.

I do not want to debate this, and any attempts to force me into a discussion about professional versus self-diagnosis will be ignored.

Anyway! I can’t really identify any specific daily experiences with psychosis you might want to include, because as mentioned, everyone has different symptoms and ways they cope with them.

Some psychotic people might not experience symptoms outside of an episode, which can be brought on by any number of things; some might experience symptoms only under general stress; some might have consistent symptoms. The content of hallucinations and delusions can also shift over time.

Psychosis can also affect anyone—there are certain demographics certain disorders are more likely to occur in, but this could just as easily be due to biases in diagnostic criteria or professionals themselves as it could be due to an actual statistical correlation. If you want to figure out how a psychotic character behaves on a day-to-day basis, then you’re better off shaping who they are as a person beyond their psychosis first, then incorporating their psychosis into things.

(A note about this: I consider my psychosis a major part of me, and I firmly believe that I would be a very different person without it; that’s why I refer to myself as a “psychotic person” rather than “a person with psychosis.” However, there is a difference between that and unpsychotic people making psychotic characters’ only trait their psychosis.)

4) Treatment for psychosis differs from person to person. The same things don’t work for everyone.

Some people are on antipsychotics; others aren’t. Medication is a personal choice and not a necessity—no one should be judged either for being on medication or for not being on medication. There are many reasons behind either option. Please do not ask psychotic people about their medication/lack thereof unprompted.

If you want to depict a psychotic character on medication, then research different forms of antipsychotics and how they affect psychotic people. I’ve never been on medication and don’t really plan to be (though if I ever do, I’m definitely taking a note from Phasmophobia’s book and calling them “Sanity Pills.” Just to clarify, I don’t want unpsychotic people repeating this joke, but if you want some insight on how some of us regard our health…), so you’re better off looking elsewhere for this sort of information!

I’m not going to get into my personal opinions on institutionalization and the psychiatry industry in general now, but institutionalization is, while common, also not necessary, and many psychotic people—and mentally ill and neurodivergent people in general—have faced harm and trauma due to institutionalization. Again, I can’t offer direct personal experience, but I recommend steering clear of plotlines directly related to psychiatric hospitals.

I would also like to emphasis the word treatment. Psychosis has no cure. It is possible for psychosis to only last a single episode (whether because it’s only due to stress/another outside factor or because it is treated early), or for symptoms to be greatly reduced over time and with treatment, but for the most part, psychotic people are psychotic for life.

However, with proper support networks and coping skills, many psychotic people are able to lead (quote unquote) “normal” lives. What coping mechanisms work for what people differs, but some psychosis-specific coping mechanisms might be:

Taping webcams for delusions of persecution/surveillance (which is honestly also just something everyone should do with webcams that aren’t in use)

Covering/closing windows for similar reasons

Using phone cameras/audio recordings to distinguish visual and auditory hallucinations from reality (most of the time, a hallucination won’t show up on camera, though it’s possible for people to hallucinate something on a camera screen too)

Similarly, removing glasses/contact lenses to check a visual hallucination

Asking people you trust (because of stigma and delusions, this might not be a long list) to check for symptoms of an oncoming episode

Avoiding possible triggers for psychosis (for example, I don’t engage with horror media often because a lot of it -- both psychological horror and slasher-type things -- can trigger delusions and hallucinations)

I’d also like to mention that treatment isn’t a clean, one-way process; especially with certain disorders, it’s normal to go up and down over time. I’d honestly be really uncomfortable with a psychotic character whose symptoms don’t affect their life whatsoever. There are ways you can write how psychosis affects someone that are… weird, which I’ll touch on, but overall, I think it’s better to actually depict a psychotic person whose symptoms have a clear impact on their life (even if that impact is, say, they’re on medication that negates some of their symptoms).

Just to reiterate: I am not a medical professional and cannot offer real-life advice regarding treatment, especially medication. Please do not ask me too detailed questions regarding this.

5) There are a lot of stereotypes and stigma surrounding psychosis.

The way psychosis is perceived both by general society and the field of psychology has changed a lot over the years, but even now, it still remains highly stigmatized and misunderstood. Wall of text incoming, but it’s important stuff.

Typical media portrayal of psychosis tends to fall into specific categories: The scary, violent psychotic person, or the psychotic person who is so crazy you can’t help but laugh. There are other bad depictions, but these are generally the ways I see psychotic people regarded and represented the most, so I want to address them directly.

Let’s talk about psychosis in horror first. Psychosis is often stereotyped as making people aggressive and violent. You’ve all seen the “psychotic killer” trope and depictions of people who are made violent and evil by their psychosis, even if it’s not explicitly named as the case. You’ve all seen “psychotic” used as a negative adjective, used synonymously to murderous, evil, harmful, violent, manipulative, etc—maybe you’ve even used it that way in the past. There’s no denying that the way society regards psychotic people is overwhelmingly negative, and that leaks into media.

If you are considering giving a violent, irredeemable antagonist psychosis, consider this: Don’t. More or less every psychotic person hates this trope. It’s inaccurate and, needless to say, rooted in ableism.

There are racialized aspects to this as well. People of color, especially Black and Latine people, are already stereotyped as being aggressive, violent, and scary; there’s also a history of overdiagnosis (and often misdiagnosis) of schizophrenia in Black people, especially civil rights activists. White and white-passing people will only be singled out if someone notices us exhibiting psychotic symptoms, but Black and brown people are already under scrutiny. Be extra cautious about how you write psychotic characters of color.

I’m not saying you can never give a psychotic person, say, a temper; in some cases, it might even make sense. Spells of uncontrollable anger are part of the diagnostic criteria for BPD, for example, and irritability is a common trait of manic episodes. Some delusions and hallucinations can affect aggression (emphasis on can—it would be inaccurate to imply that this is always the case. Once again, each person has a different experience with their psychotic symptoms).

But when the only psychotic or psychotic-coded characters you write are angry and violent, even when the situation doesn’t call for it, then there’s a problem. When you want to write a schizophrenic character, but only in a situation where they’re going on a killing spree, there’s a problem.

Studies have shown that no substantial link exists between psychosis and violence. There is a small association, but I think it would be reasonable to say this is partially because of the stigma surrounding psychosis and various other overlapping factors; no violence or crime exists in a vacuum. In addition, though I can’t find any exact statistics on this, psychotic people are susceptible to being victims of violence (likely because of this very stereotype).

On this note, don’t use mental hospitals as a setting for horror, especially if you plan on depicting the mentally ill patients there as antagonistic and unhinged. As mentioned earlier, institutionalization is a huge trigger for many psychotic people. True, psychiatric hospitals have definitely served as a source of trauma and pain for many in the past, but mentally ill and neurodivergent people have been (and are) the victims in those situations.

Also, don’t do the “what if it was all a delusion” thing. I know this is most common in ~edgy~ theories about children’s series, but… yikes.

In the same vein that you should avoid depictions of psychotic people that are ripped straight from a bad horror movie, don’t push it too far into comedy either. You’ve heard “psych ward” jokes, you’ve seen “I put the hot in psychotic” jokes (a supposedly humorous instance of that psychotic as a negative descriptor thing), you’ve heard people say “I have anxiety/depression, but I’m not crazy!”

Even other mentally ill and neurodivergent people constantly throw us under the bus, as can be seen in that last one. We’re the butt of plenty of jokes—we see things that aren’t there, we talk to ourselves, we believe things that are just so wacky you can’t believe anyone would think that way. (Even when we don’t.)

If you have to write another character laughing at a psychotic character for their symptoms, then have it swiftly criticized in the text, and try not to imply the reader should find psychosis funny either. Treat psychotic characters’ symptoms with sympathy and understanding, not ridicule.

Psychotic people literally cannot help our delusions/hallucinations/other symptoms. If something we think/say seems “crazy” to you, chances are it does to us as well.

(We’re talking about portraying psychosis in fiction, but this applies to real-life treatment of psychotic people, too!)

Also, I’d like to note—all of this is about the way unpsychotic people view psychotic people. If you see a psychotic person laughing at themself or viewing their symptoms as scary, then that is not an invitation for you to laugh along or go beyond symptoms and think the person is scary for being psychotic. That’s the thing about gallows humor; you have to be the one on the gallows.

Moving on! In romance, there is often a presumption that love can cure psychosis. This is false. No matter how much you love (whether romantically or platonically) and want to help a psychotic person, that alone will not “heal” their psychosis. Please do not depict a psychotic person having to be cured to be happy or in love. It doesn’t work that way.

This doesn’t mean you should stray away from romance in general—I personally would definitely like to see more portrayals of psychotic people being loved and supported, especially in romantic relationships. I’d prefer it not be in spite of their psychosis, either; it would be weird if someone loved a person because of their psychosis, but I don’t think you can really love someone whom you disregard such a large part of either.

Point-blank: Psychotic people are worthy of love and affection, and I think this should show in media as well.

In relation to relationships, I’d also strongly advise steering away from writing family members and friends who see someone’s psychosis as harder on them than for the psychotic person, unless you want to explicitly disavow this behavior. Sure, it probably is difficult for other people to witness my psychotic symptoms. But it’s harder for me to have them.

I’m not sure if this is a widely-held belief, but some people also seem to think psychosis is less common than it is. Psychotic people are all around you, and if you read that as a threat or anything like that, you might need to do some self-evaluating. We exist, online and in person, and we can see and read and hear the things you say about us!

Specifically: By the NIMH’s statistics, roughly 3% of people (3 out of every 100) in the United States will experience psychosis at some point in their lives. Around 100,000 people experience their first episode a year.

This also means that it’s possible unpsychotic people reading this will end up developing a form of psychosis at some point in your life as well. Yes, even without a genetic basis; yes, even as a full-grown adult (see how common psychosis is in neurodegenerative disorders). Now this one is intended as a threat (/hj).

Also, you can’t always tell who is psychotic and who is not. I imagine there are a lot of people who wouldn’t know I’m psychotic without me explicitly saying so. Set aside any notions you might have of being able to identify psychotic people, because they will definitely influence how you might go into writing a psychotic character, and they will definitely end up pissing off a psychotic person in your life. Because… you probably know at least one!

People often regard psychosis as a worst-case scenario—which, again, is something that occurs even by people and in works that uplift mental health in general (something I’ve mentioned before is The Bright Sessions, in which a telepath is misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and has an “I’m not crazy!” outburst). I’ve talked about treatment already, but I just thought I’d say this: Psychosis is not a death sentence nor a “fate worse than death.” It may be difficult for unpsychotic people to understand and handle; it is harder to live with. But being psychotic is not an inherently bad thing, and psychotic people should not be expected to act like our lives are constantly awful and hopeless on account of stigma.

I think that’s all I have to say, so thank you so much for reading, especially if you’re not psychotic! I hope you’ve learned something from this, and once again, fellow psychotic people are more than welcome to add on more information if they’re willing.

[evernoddingaudience]

What is schizotypy and how is it different from the common clinical view of psychosis?

A note- I try my best to do thorough research and use appropriate and respectful wording but if anyone has concerns about my content please don't hesitate to tell me and I will listen.

The current view of psychosis is categorical- you have it or you don't. Easy to see, easy to diagnose. This was developed around 1900 and is the way our DSM is organized.

I don't agree with that and many others don't either. Around 1960, the concept of "schizotypy" was formed to cover the wide variety of unusual experiences and cognitive disorganization that range from normal dissociated or imaginative states to extreme psychosis.

Using the view of schizotypy means that it's easier to understand and treat symptoms whether or not someone is actually psychotic, in contrast to the all-or-nothing view where it's easier to just diagnose someone with a handful of labels.

The concept of schizotypy is backed up by the Cluster A personality disorders, all of which but specifically Schizotypal and Schizoid have signs and symptoms of psychotic-like thinking and/or behavior but none of which are attributed to psychosis itself. Psychotic episodes are somewhat common (compared to other personality disorders) within both personality disorders but these are usually brief- hours to days instead of several months.

So what kind of traits am I actually talking about? Here are some examples:

A) One of the criteria for Schizotypal PD in the DSM-5 is "ideas of reference", in which the person believes that ordinary, everyday events are somehow converting a deeper, more personal meaning to them, usually negative. For example, they might think that the announcer on the radio is speaking directly to or about them, or they might think the headline of a newspaper was written for them specifically.

The person can usually admit when pressed that it is probably impossible for such a thing to happen, which makes this trait different from a psychotic delusion, during which the person would not be able to understand that such a thing is not true.

B) Disturbed or distorted thinking is one of the hallmarks of schizophrenia, but you don't even have to be psychotic to experience some of these concepts- feeling as if your thoughts don't come from yourself, having a barrage of unrelated thoughts that are uncontrollable, thoughts seeming to take up physical space inside ones mind, difficulty telling the difference between imagined perceptions and real perceptions, and between memories and dreams, etc.

C) Here's a few that many people who experience some sort of dissociation can probably relate to; recent research has actually suggested that dissociative symptoms can aggravate or otherwise affect schizophrenic symptoms- distance from the things one experiences as if a barrier was between them and the world, excessive introspection and reflection of oneself, the world appears strange or foreign as if it had lost its life or appears more vibrant and intrusive than usual, feeling as if ones experiences aren't their own as if they were an object or as of they were somewhere else entirely, etc.

I think the general view of the population is that psychosis is always extreme and only under very specific circumstances, but that's really not true and only contributes to the stigma surrounding schizophrenia as something weird and abnormal. Schizotypy is a serious of traits and perceptions that exist in all people at varying levels; everyone has experienced some level of imagination and dissociation and therefore everyone has experienced at least minor schizotypy.

As a disclaimer, I have never experienced psychosis. I do have Schizoid Personality Disorder and experience a higher level of schizotypy than the general population, but you and I both should make sure to listen to the voices of those who are actually psychotic as well.

I hope someone finds this as interesting and informative as I do.

[psychoticallytrans]

i hope this is ok to talk about to you but i had psychosis for 4 years which was first diagnosed as schizophrenia but now my mental health professionals suspect was psychotic depression mixed with PTSD symptoms. i still suffered a lot under the medical system due to the schizophrenia diagnosis, and i still have depression and PTSD. however i no longer have psychotic symptoms that i used to, like hallucinations, magical thinking, etc. and it puts me in a weird position where im not really a part of that anymore but i still have experience with it. im not sure if im like "allowed" to still reclaim/claim anything to do with being psychotic or talk on my experiences with it since i no longer experience it now. it does make me feel very alone where people i talk to without the symptoms cant relate to my past but those with symptoms currently seem a bit uneasy with me taking up space around them. idk! i guess this is just a vent or validation seeking lol

I think you do belong in the psychotic community. Psychosis is, fundamentally, a stress reaction. People have lower or higher thresholds for stress induced psychosis. Yours is not low enough to have it be constant, but it is clearly low enough that you can develop long lasting and debilitating symptoms. You are someone who has been psychotic, and that means that you're more likely than most to have it happen sometime again. Think of yourself as someone with a condition that flares in symptoms with stress, because you probably are.

Other people's opinions on this may well differ. Other people may say that you're not psychotic enough for them to feel like you belong. Other people may think that you are taking up too much space or too many resources. Those people, in my opinion, do not understand that communities are fundamentally made of people, and that we are stronger in broader alliances. You will benefit from our community, from psychosis management posts, from sharing stories. We will benefit in turn from what you bring to the community. You have much to give and much to gain. I think that means you belong.

So... welcome! Please make yourself at home.

[mx-mituna]

Trigger Warning: saneism and ableism, specifically targeted towards schizospec, psychotic and delusional people; transphobia; swearing (lots of swearing); and all caps.

Care to explain yourself @mogai-watch ?

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from burnt orange to teal. This is the grandelusogender flag, exclusively for people with delusions of grandeur, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I am a very stable

genius;

Don't listen to fake

news;

It's all run by deep state

shills

paid off by the Jews.

I'm the most important

person,

so my gender must

reflect

my overwhelming

greatness;

y'all better show

respect." /End ID.]

Clearly this a punch in the face to anyone with delusions of grandeur. To compare them to Trump?! What the actual fuck made you think that was okay? Really, it's almost like you think delusional people are just inhuman things you can poke fun at.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from dark red to light red to pink and back to red. This is the paradelusogender flag, exclusively for people with paranoid delusions, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I'm a nondysphoric

trans

and the cis are out to

get me;

every blog post that

they make

is about me- it's SO

shitty.

I better over-

compensate

for being called a

pretender by embracing my

delusions

and making them a

gender." /End ID.]

Trivializing paranoid delusions. Greaaat. /s You really do suck. I have paranoid delusions. People with paranoid delusions do exist and they can see what dickbags like you think of them. Honestly.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from hot pink to pink to dark yellow to yellow to light blue to dark blue. This is the holidelusogender flag, exclusively for people with delusions of being divine, holy, demonic, or godly, for when these delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I'm a hellish being in

my delusions

and I have powers over stuff

like squeaky wal-mart

cart wheels

and jars of

marshmallow fluff.

This impacts my

gender,

how dare you

transmeds doubt it-

I am holidelusogender

and I won't shut up

about it." /End ID.]

This. Fucking this. Fuck you for writing this and fuck you for posting it. People who think they have powers ARE NOT JUST TODDLERS PLAYING PRETEND THAT YOU CAN PRETEND TO BE MORE MATURE THAN. Some people do have delusions that they have superpowers or godly powers!! That's a real thing!! They aren't a punchline or a stupid kid! They're real people with real mental illnesses that frankly have a hard enough time without shitheads like you adding to the stigma!!

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. There's a flag at the top with eight stripes, fading from dark pink to pink to red to orange to yellow to green to blue to dark blue.. This is the delusogender flag, exclusively for schizophrenic, psychotic or delusional people, for when delusions affect your gender. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I hallucinate spiders

on my hands

and this is how I

know I'm trans;

my body would not

change like this

if I were a filthy cis." /End ID.]

I- Do I really have to explain why this is shitty?? You're invalidating a fuck-ton of trans people right now by implying that people who hallucinate can't be valid. Also, this gender is impacted by delusions. Delusions and hallucinations are not the same. Would it kill you to do at least a little research from time to time?

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. The title at the top reads 'Errofluid. A gender which is fluid in relation to your psychotic symptoms.'. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"Even though my

psychosis

is medically-induced,

it is now my gender;

I find it of great use-

when gatekeepers

tell me

my gender can't

exist-

to play the

'psychosis' card

and call them ableist." /End ID.]

Really. Really. You actually think you can just invalidate people like this. PSYCHOSIS CAN AFFECT YOUR PERCEPTION OF YOURSELF, YOUR IDENTITY AND THUS YOUR GENDER. GET IT THROUGH YOUR THICK FUCKING SKULL.

[ID: A screenshot of a poem on Mogaipedia. The title at the top reads 'Skhizeingender. A gender exclusively for schizophrenic/schizospec people for when your gender is affected by schizophrenia or hard to communicate because of your schizophrenia. Underneath is the poem. It reads,

"I found this really

cool disease

with a complicated

name

so now whenever I

fuck up,

it's the thing I blame.

But since I diagnosed

myself, I've become a bit

obsessed;

schizophrenia's my

gender, too,

'cause

schizophrenia's the

best." /End ID.]

Okay, so, making fun of people who self-diagnose as if a diagnosis and psychiatrists in general aren't expensive and to some people inaccessible. Wow. Good job. Truly you are a comedic mastermind. Brilliant. /s

This is beyond just making fun of the gender (which is shitty by itself). It's blatantly making a mockery of and dehumanizing the mental illness. So not only are you a transphobic piece of shit, you're also a saneist piece of shit! Congratulations!! /s

The way you're talking about delusions and hallucinations here are totally disgusting. "I hallucinate spiders on my hands/ this is how I know I'm trans/ my body wouldn't change like this/ if I were a nasty cis."?? Is that an attempt at humor? A pathetic crack at cleverness? Because it's not smart or funny. It's just gross. It's both attacking mogai people or people who use this neurogender and trivializing psychosis. And the one about holidelusogender? What the fuck was that?! You really think it's just a-okay for you to mock people with delusions, huh?

Are you trans and schizospec/delusional/psychotic? No?? Then shut up!! This doesn't concern you!! I'm trans, delusional and psychotic, so this does have something to do with me. And guess what?? These neurogenders are completely harmless! Helpful even! Having a loose grip on reality fucks with the way I perceive myself and others and thus the way I interpret gender. It's simple as that. That's why neurogenders are helpful labels, because neurodivergencies do affect gender and identity.

But please, feel free to argue with me. Maybe I'm just a subhuman psycho and I'm overreacting and you do, in fact, know more about being trans than an actual trans person would. Go on, justify this. Please. I'd love to hear your side of the story.

[schizosupport]

Heyyyy it’s Leviathan,, I haven’t checked your blog for a long time and 1) I wanna say, you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of because of the potential diagnosis change, it’s okay if it takes a long time to figure out what’s up with us and it is most definitely okay to identify as what you currently know!! You weren’t faking anything or deceiving anyone or something. 2) Thank you for this blog again!! 3) Thank you for answering my asks!! I’m currently off all meds, recovered from the original poisoning, and I think I’ve gone into a quite stable remission! Almost had a break recently though but shielded myself from triggers and stabilised again. I don’t know for how long, but for now I’m okay (and immediately feel like a faker but also the memories of past major episodes are a bit too much always with me 🤪)

Wishing you everything good and please take care of yourself and be kind to yourself!

Hi leviathan!!! Good to hear from you!! Thank you so much for all the kind words, they have been making my day everytime I come across them in my inbox. My new psychiatrist took a look at my journals from hospital psychiatry where I was diagnosed and treated, and she concluded that the burden of evidence would be too heavy for her to bear, if she's going to argue that the hospital department was wrong for years about my diagnosis. So even if I privately think I'm more in the schizotypal and OCD with breakthrough psychosis department, I'll have to accept that at least officially I'm stuck with schizophrenia and ADHD.

But it's ok, I'm trying not to obsess over it, the main thing is that I have this horrible feeling that I'm lying no matter what I do. Bc I tell people I'm schizophrenic bc that's my official diagnosis, but then I'll feel bad because deep down I'm not sure if that's correct, and I'll feel like I'm intruding on an experience? It's really confusing. And meanwhile people tend to be like "well you're schizophrenic, it's a common symptom not to think the diagnosis is real" or whatever, and that does piss me off, bc I'm legitimately just concerned about correctness. But I also know it's stupid to agonize over these mostly-made-up labels.

Sorry for that rant! lol

I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better, and that you are stable for now!!! That makes me very very happy to know. So thank you so much for sharing with me!

Cat

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw animal death (brief)

Hey, I'd like some advice and possibly some reassurance. To be brief, I've struggled with what I've recently realized is severe antisocial behaviour throughout most of my life. Lying for self benefit, callous cold way of speaking to the point adults and kids alike always hated me, impulsiveness, poor relationships, dangerous/risky behaviour, not thinking about consequences, failing to work or do tasks, even down to hurting an animal when I was very very young. My question is: Do you mods think it's even worth it to pursue such a stigmatized diagnosis? I'm already medicated for some of these symptoms since I'm diagnosed with psychosis and (I believe misdiagnosed) with BPD. I feel invalid in even thinking about being a kleptomaniac and someone who used to hurt animals, it just makes me feel like I will always be a horrible person, but that thought only gives me a detached and distant pain. I feel like I should feel more, more guilt, more... something, about this discovery and these unlocked memories, but I just feel distant from it. What do you recommend I do from here?

Hey anon,

You are not a horrible person. Please try to remind yourself of that. Recognize that you are doing the best you can and coping how you know how.

To work on your lying, I think you've already done the first step, which is to recognize that you're using this coping mechanism. Remember that lying takes a lot of energy and work; telling the truth is more simple.

Try to figure out what triggers you to engage in these behaviors. Take a deep breath and try to calm down before acting. Think about alternative ways to respond to things. It won't be easy to choose these alternatives right away, but you can do it. One exercise to do would be, when you're feeling calm and regulated, imagine a scenario in which you would normally lie, act impulsively, or otherwise behave antisocially. Then, imagine a different way of reacting to the situation that does not include lying, impulsivity, etc.

I think it is worth seeking mental health treatment for your issues. Whether you get a diagnosis or not, it can still help to treat your symptoms. Talking openly and frankly with a therapist may help you get a grasp on how to work on these issues at your own pace. Your issues could be caused by a variety of things, such as Bipolar, ADHD, substance use, antisocial personality disorder, or something else.

It's possible that you' not ready to fully acknowledge that you feel pain and guilt. It may be hard to feel emotions and connect to your sensations. There is an image on this page that is a wheel of emotions. Familiarizing yourself with more words to describe your feelings could be helpful, especially when identifying your emotions.

Try putting yourself in others' shoes. Everyone has a complicated mind and different issues in their life, just like you. Recognize that other people have their own thoughts and feelings. Try to find similarities between yourself and others. Ask them questions about their interests and try to find a point of connection.

Wishing you well.

- Misa

[thesquidgame]

hi. im a young person who had been suffered from an unknown possibly respitory possibly skeleto-muscular disorder for likely my whole life.

for 4 or so years I have been suffering from chronic depression, thanks to a drug called montelukast.

When I was put on this drug it was not know to cause mental health disrupencies, but a little over a year and a half and 9 months after i was diagnosed with ocd and anxiety, and several weeks after i was diagnosed with major depression, a study came out.

It proved that this drug has unlocked inactive mental illness pieces inside people. For me it was depression. For others it has been psychosis, bipolar disorder, anxiety, and more.

There have been 82 completed cases of suicide in correlation with Montelukast discovered by the FDA. This drug that is still on the market, marketed and prescribed mostly to children and babies for asma, has killed almost a hundred people at least.

This information was fully discovered a year and a half ago, but some mental illness and montelukast associations where added to the side effects in 2008.

This medication is prescribed to people of all ages, but mostly effects children.

The FDA have said that this drug should only be used in extreme cases of asma and similar disorders, and only when patients respond to no other treatment.

If you are a patient or a parent on, previously on, or about to begin Montelukast, please, please, at have a conversation with your doctor about if the pros outweigh the cons.

Unfortunately, since so much is discovered about drugs and medicine every day, many doctors are unaware of the extreme side effects of this drug, and continue prescribing it like usual.

This drug can be helpful and good to some people, but it is very important to be informed about the side effects of every drug before you take it, especially if the drug has killed 82 people.

Please, please, do not let yourself or your family member become a victim to this drug like me, and signal boost.

https://www.ajmc.com/view/fda-steps-up-warning-for-montelukast-for-risk-of-mental-health-side-effects

https://www.fda.gov/news-events/press-announcements/fda-requires-stronger-warning-about-risk-neuropsychiatric-events-associated-asthma-and-allergy?utm_campaign=030420_PR_FDA%20Requires%20Stronger%20Warning%20for%20Montelukast

https://www.fda.gov/advisory-committees/advisory-committee-calendar/september-27-2019-meeting-pediatric-and-drug-safety-and-risk-management-committees-09272019-09272019

[mishervellous]

Hello there :) if this is too out of place then please don’t feel obligated to answer. You mentioned somewhere that you suffer from DDD and I’m currently writing a fanfiction (Gallavich, so it should interest you ;)) where Ian has it. I’ve done my research and my intention is not to use you as a info point, I was just curious how it came about in your case and possibly what are the worst days or how do you make light of the situation? Sending love ❤️

anon! i’m sorry it took me so long to answer, i was kinda debating on whether or not I should share some specific things but i’m ultimately gonna share what i’m comfortable with, hope it helps nonetheless 💙

thank you for thinking of me! i’m already interested in this fic of yours ngl 👀 so DDD is one of those disorders that’s actually pretty well researched and informations about it can be easily found online, so i’m glad you’ve been digging around for them!

if you haven’t already, i’d suggest checking out this article, as well as this one!

as for my own personal experience, i’m gonna put some tws first!

(tws: ddd, derealization, dissociation, bipolar disorder)

also I’m not a medical expert!! this is just my experience with it so don’t take it as advice/the ultimate DDD guide lmao

i’ve personally experienced DDD’s prodrome right when I was going through my first (and hopefully last) psychotic episode, so it was pretty confusing for everyone involved lmao at the time I wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar yet (not type I anyway), so my therapist and psychiatrist decided to assess that before addressing my supposed DDD—they did that because at first, they thought it was just a result of mania. but because it stuck with me well past my recovery from psychosis (I still have it to this day!) they ultimately diagnosed me with it.

apart from what can already be found online—so you might already know the gist of it (in my case, it was caused by the incredible amount of stress my paranoia and delusion were putting me through at that time)—, it was very hard in the beginning to even begin to grasp what was happening to me. it’s such a bizarre way of perceiving the world and the people around you it throws you for a loop. plus, it had happened so quickly I was in denial for a good six months after. then like with most things in life, I just got used to it.

there are good days and bad days. like I could wake up one day dissociated as hell and not recognize my own mom, and maybe the next day wake up with a full face of make-up I have no recollection of doing the night before—or something lighthearted like that. it’s a lot of ups and downs (ironically lmao) but once you stop fighting against it and just let yourself experience it, no matter how scary and isolating it feels, you will eventually accept it.

for Ian (if you’re going with a canon-like Ian that is) i think it would be pretty rough and challenging at first. he’s so empathetic and such a go-getter he would probably have a hard time with how debilitating DDD is in the beginning, what with seemingly not being able to care or connect as deeply or as in technicolor (idk how to describe the feeling!) as he always does with everyone or not being able to do something with himself because of the dissociation.

hope this helped! if you need anything else my DMs are open 😌