#don’t tell someone you love them and then invalidate their interests and make them feel useless and unwelcome

[parachutingkitten]

Why is Pixane So Queer?

Some thoughts on Asexual Romance.

[warning, long post below the cut]

The Ninjago fandom had a very potent reaction to The Quest for the Lost Powers repeatedly describing Pixal and Zane as being 'very close friends'. This seemed quite contradictory to many who assumed the confession of undying love at the end of the last season might have been a small hint at a romantic relationship of some kind. However, after closer examination, it turns out Pixal and Zane don’t ever actually refer to themselves as a couple, and the show has never once referred to them being in an active relationship.

But there’s something here, right? Sure, it’s not explicitly stated, but you are lying to yourself if you can watch them and tell me there is zero romantic subtext going on here. A lot of people got very defensive that the children’s book stated they were friends, especially when it also seemingly confirmed that the much straighter straight boy ship, Kailor, was apparently canon, despite being only implied as a possible future for ages now. But I find this backlash to be a bit strange. Sure, Zane and Pix aren’t exactly ‘just friends’ but, what do you want them to say? That they’re boyfriend and girlfriend? You want these two to say they’re ‘going out’ with each other? You think these two robots are ‘dating’ each other, like they’re just susin’ out the partner pool. Are those the words that fit this relationship to you?

I found myself feeling weirdly offended at everyone, and I think the reason was that these two love-droids haven’t chosen to define their relationship in traditional terms, and so everyone’s insistence that they should be boxed into some sort of traditional term seems inherently strange. It’s like when two elderly people are dating, it feels weird when they say “this is my girlfriend” because despite it being factually true, there’s so much baggage that comes with the word, part of that implication being youth, which is directly at odds with the immediate situation. It’s the correctness of the word paired with the incorrectness of the societal implications which forces you to assess if those societal implications should exist. And that- that is what makes this relationship feel queer. That’s why there’s this undeniably different kinda energy radiating off of it. It’s that rejection of the traditional labels, the refusal to be put into a box, which forces it to be a-typical. But, why? Why does Pixane have this rejection of labels radiating off of it? Their ages, while being literally whack, are presented as being your typical teenage to young adult age romance. Their genders present as a typical hetero pairing. And it’s not like they don’t follow your typical cliche love at first sight plot. I mean, Pixal was pretty explicitly created as a generic love interest character. So, what is it? Why is this queer? Spoiler alert: It’s because they’re asexual.

So, what is asexuality? Strictly defined, it is a community of people who experience little to no sexual attraction to anyone. This is distinct from aromanticism, which is a lack of romantic attraction, and sexual engagement or urges which are their own separate boat, but often have overlap with asexuality. However, for our purposes, we are focused on just the sexual attraction part. You can think of it as the difference between finding someone hot and finding someone cute. That’s the distinction that made it click for me anyway.

Now, as a disclaimer, I am not going to be considering other queer interpretations of this relationship. Not to invalidate them, because of course they’re valid, but specifically because I feel there isn’t precedent for them in the text, and I feel there is for asexuality. This deep dive is particularly about validating asexuality as being queer, and so to do that we have to eliminate any other outstanding factors. People are extremely quick to pin asexual queerness to something else, and that in itself can feel invalidating, even if it’s only attempting to validate other communities as well. Asexual romance is so easily read as straight romance, that any queer undertones have to have an alternate explanation, because asexuality doesn’t seem like enough to cross the barrier. Yes, enby interpretations of Pixane are great, and fantastic, and I would die for your right to follow those headcanons, but to pin the in text queer vibes on the fact that they technically don’t have biological gender, despite having very clear presenting and unwavering genders in text seems like a real easy way to dismiss the asexual coding which is staring me in the face. While things like non-binary or aromantic readings validate communities who have immense oppression and are continually called fake or confused, which is insanely important, asexuality, especially as it stands apart from aromanticism, is often confused as not being a difference at all. You’re just pure! You’re just wholesome! You’re just so sweet and innocent! And yes… yes, I am, but also, it’s more than that. It’s fundamentally something different about the way my brain is wired, and I feel a need to defend the fact that it, specifically, is queer. And in no way am I trying to say that the aces are the most oppressed actually, I don’t want to start the oppression Olympics here, and if we were to, I would probably argue quite the opposite, but I am saying that there is oppression, and it comes from outside and inside of the community, and it is a thing. It’s a different flavor of thing that’s maybe not as severe, but also sits differently. Maybe it’s not as much a pressing thing as other things, but… it’s my thing. It’s what I feel. It’s something I can speak on. So, I’m going to speak on it.

Perhaps one of the largest factors asexuality has to offer is the necessary separation of romance and sex. The packaging of sexual attraction and romantic attraction is so ubiquitous that the term ace is often assumed to be referring to aro/ace people, despite there being a term for that… aro/ace! Asexuality is not an easy queerness to explain, precisely because of this deeply held integration. It’s not a difference of experience necessarily, it’s a lack of a certain experience. I’m not saying this is something you can’t understand, because, unless you’re aromantic, I know you understand it! You are going to be able to like and relate to and feel seen by asexual romances, because the main component it requires is that you have romantic attraction- which is most people. And so many people get confused when you point to an asexual thing and go “I get that! This! This is me!” Because they just respond with “You’re not special, I get that too. Is this supposed to be different?” And, yes, it is, primarily because everything else includes this giant other thing as well, which is sexuality.

When vegans get excited about finding a meal which is especially delicious and also meets their food restrictions, they get particularly excited. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy that same vegan meal- no doubt it probably tastes incredibly delicious to you as well. But you likely won’t get that same feeling of excitement, because you don’t live under the same restrictions as vegans do. That’s the same thing I feel when I see an asexually coded romance. I can enjoy the full meal without having to pick things out or ignore vital parts. I have no doubt that others can thoroughly enjoy asexual romances, but you’re going to have to look at it in context of all the dominant romance stories in the world to understand why it’s so different and special to me.

Now, have I cracked the code on asexual romance in media? No. I only have my own experience with asexuality to lean on, and the very limited discourse on the topic I’ve come across while discovering my identity. All of this is simply a theory based on my own thoughts and observations, but these are some explanations as to what might possibly be included in a framework for an asexually coded romance, at least to me.

So, what makes romance asexual? It’s not simply a lack of sexual suggestiveness. Any number of romances aren’t sexually suggestive, but still glaringly heteronormative- especially in children’s television. And it’s also not a lack of initial attraction, as that would throw Pixane out of the running for sure. Well, I have a few things which I feel may contribute to asexual coding of a romantic relationship, and wouldn’t you know, Pixane is a great example of all of them.

Asexual romance may, as many have remarked, come off as more innocent. When you shove all of the focus of characters onto the romantic, emotional connection, rather than any underlying sexual tension, things end up feeling extremely innocent to the layperson. You get the sort of old married couple effect. Two people deeply in love, who just sort of stare at each other in awe, and that others can comment on how cute they are. Again, asexuals don’t necessarily find anything hot. Cuteness is the main operative factor motivating their attraction, so it follows that their interactions would radiate that factor back at observers. The characters might in fact be very touchy, have sex, enjoy that physical touch, but that’s not at the forefront of anyone’s mind in the story. This is an aspect of Pixane that can be read very clearly. Their romance is quite easily described as pure and wholesome by all who have the pleasure of observing them. The way they interact with each other is extremely gentle and supportive, and their level of old married couple vibes is by far the highest of any pairings in the show (aside from perhaps the actual old married couple of Ed and Edna).

Asexual romance, I find to often be less conflict driven. Take the classic enemies to lovers plotline- it’s built on a tension between an innate irrational attraction, and a perceived logical personality conflict. While romantic attraction is certainly not always rational, from my understanding, sexual attraction is often rooted in factors that aren’t at all related to logical compatibility or personality. This means the enemies to lovers plot is primed to work much better when sexually charged, because it presents a clear path to create the hate/love conflict. Not to say that asexual enemies to lovers is impossible, or that asexual partners don’t have conflict between them, but that it is less of an obvious threat to incorporate into asexual romance.  Because there are less factors and layers of attraction to get involved in, there’s less room for conflict and contradiction between them. It is much easier to get tangled up in a situation with more strings. Pixane is a relationship which certainly doesn’t hold much internal conflict. The one disagreement they did have is solved quite neatly with basic communication skills in the middle of season 8. Most of their conflict comes from external factors which separate them or cause misunderstanding, rather than conflict from within the characters themselves.

Asexual romance also has the obvious potential to challenge traditional dating norms. Because there is no impulse to escalate things physically, it makes sense that the progression of an asexual romance would differ from traditional relationships where that escalation is expected. Your asexual romance is bound to get emotionally intense with each other quicker, or at least have it be the focus of their story, because there is no other facet to deal with. Asexuals don’t commonly have sexual fantasies for themselves, but rather romantic fantasies. Not to say that most people don’t have romantic fantasies, but… that’s all we’ve got. And when your impulse is ‘let’s get married, and then maybe I guess we can kiss’, it might seem like things are progressing out of order to the average person. While asexuals don't all hate physical contact or even sexual connection, it isn't an attractive or motivating factor in the same way it is in most romances, so even on a base level, the level of physical contact is likely going to be less than average. Pixane progresses ridiculously out of order. Zane is willing to split his soul for her- it’s only at this point that they romantically hold hands for the first time. It’s the emotional connection between the two that comes first, and all classic tangible symbols of affection and romance that are secondary. The most pronounced physical contact we’ve seen is a cheek kiss, and their most common type of physical contact is enthusiastic hugging (which I’ll dive more into later).

Additionally, because physical affection is more of an afterthought, it would also make sense for labels to come slowly. If you have an incredibly close personal, soulful connection, but you haven’t kissed yet, it makes sense for people around you to assume you’re just really close friends, or perhaps just crushing on each other still. Terms like “girlfriend” and “boyfriend” invoke rather physical tactile images, and so to attempt to apply them to an asexual romance isn’t necessarily wrong but may feel a bit off putting because of this dissonance. Again, it’s this dissonance between the romantic meaning of the word, and the sexual undertones which forces discomfort onto the viewer. Pixal and Zane have yet to kiss each other after years of dancing around each other’s obvious romantic feelings. It remains unclear if they even are in an active romantic relationship at all, or are still mutually pinning, as no labels have been given to their relationship in show. I have no doubt part of this is the lack of planned dates or physical affection which are common outward signals of a traditional established relationship.

A lot of the saucy flirting which accompanies many classic heteronormative romances can seem rather pointless to asexuals. I would venture to say that asexuals are likely more direct and up front with their emotional vulnerability and feelings, because that’s the connection which they are seeking to make. To dance around it with innuendo and mind games is rather unproductive in achieving the end goal. There is less of a pressure to “perform” romance, and instead just be honestly romantic, because the romance isn’t a prelude to sex, or physical affection, it’s the end goal in and of itself. To only pretend to do it is entirely pointless. All of this is likely going to result in a romance which puts less focus on the “game of dating”. I mean, can you imagine Pixane ending up in a Jaya style love triangle? It’s almost an absurd pitch to make, right? There is no performativity to the Pixane relationship, it is exactly as it appears at first glance. And when Zane attempts more traditional, cheesy flirting tactics like in Ninjago Confidential, Pixal is nothing but confused and annoyed by his attempts.

The most prominent example which I feel exemplifies the inherently asexual coding of Pixane applies to many robotic romances- and it’s the characters’ relationship with skin. A lot of sexual suggestion and tension is based on skin. The revealing nature of skin exposure, the feeling of skin on skin being a sexual touchpoint, skin is essential to the sexual experience in most instances. This is part of the reason I love writing romance but have yet to write a kiss between anyone. The sexuality of a kiss is inherently uncomfortable to write for me because you’re encouraged to lean into the physical feeling of the touch of skin. Robots bring to the forefront the idea of this physical contact because their skin is often not exactly skin, and that in itself gives a sort of de facto distance from sexuality. There’s a moment which happens repeatedly with Pixane, and shows up in other robotic romances, like Wall-E and Eve, which I feel highlights this essential separation from the skin of sexuality. Pixane and Wall-Eve both have the ‘clink’ moment, in which intimate physical contact is made, (in Pixane’s case, all of their many hugs) and accentuated by the sound of their metal skin meeting with a loud clink. This sound not only highlights their lack of skin but serves to suck any sexual energy out of the interaction immediately and leaves it purely with the romance intended by the action. It’s not uncommon for people to find the sound humorous, precisely because of how desexualizing it is. It highlights the couples’ incapability of indulging in sexual skin on skin contact, and instead the closeness and companionship the act of touching provides.

And this is why I feel robots are in fact a decent candidate for asexual characters if done properly. Robots being coded as asexual can be a very negative stereotype, particularly when their asexuality is explicitly linked to their lack of emotion and feeling- but media about robots has been trending more positively recently. In fact, robots, if used correctly, may actually validate asexuality explicitly. Robotic characters are often used to explore the idea of what makes humanity human. If we give these robots human-like enough traits, when do they become human? Are they perhaps the most human? And it seems like fictional consensus agrees that sexuality is not required to achieve human status. Stripping away the excess human emotions may be part of what makes robots asexual (or aromatic, if your robot is also incapable of romantic love). The medium of robot literalizes the disconnect that asexuals have with their physical bodies, most notably their skin, and serves to put additional distance between the character and sexual contact, at least in the traditional sense. I mean, think about it, if you want your robot to be sexual, you need to go out of your way to establish that it has sexual capability, because no one is going to simply assume that your fictional robot was designed with that capability in mind. Why would it be, unless that was its explicit purpose? In a way, robots are sort of de facto asexual.

Pixane is queer because it’s asexual, and it’s asexual because they distill down only the purely romantic parts of a romantic relationship. They’re able to do this, in part because of their individual characterization, but also because of their robotic bodies, which make the separation between romance and sexuality just that much easier. They highlight the necessity to separate romance from all of the convoluted sexual layers which often accompany it, and so come out feeling distinctly untraditional and subversive.

That's the theory, again, all hyper based on my own personal experience with asexuality, which is of course not all encompassing. I'd love to hear your thoughts :)

[youareinlove]

I don’t know if you’ve ever done it, but have you ever wrote one long analysis of cardigan and the whole teenage love triangle?

i have a breakdown of folklore as an album that touches on the teenage love triangle, but i didn't go as in-depth as i would like to and talked more about how the songs related to folklore's overall themes as an album versus individual inspirations. also i think my opinion on some of the inspiration behind it has become more well-rounded so i'll put more of that here

so i think most people know by now that augustine, betty, and james are the main players of the folklore love triangle. cardigan = betty's perspective, betty (song) = james's perspective, and august = augustine's perspective. the most fundamentally important part of understanding the love triangle is that taylor is all three of them.

cardigan so cardigan is the first we hear of the teenage love triangle on folklore, which i think is so interesting because it's not the obvious choice. while betty (song) and august are narrated by teenagers (and you can TELL), cardigan is clearly narrated by an older betty who has done some maturing. the story's told from the perspective of someone who has processed what happened, while the other two (especially august) feel like active processing. cardigan tells the same story that betty (song) does, but in a much more vague way, which confused me initially but now makes sense to me because the song isn't really about the events that happened, betty (song) does that job. cardigan is an intensive look at how those events impacted betty as a person. betty, presumably in her teenage years and during the bulk of her relationship with james, is outlined as someone who doesn't have the ability to validate herself and needs to get that from someone else. we can assume that this is because of 1) daddy issues ("leaving like a father") and 2) the world invalidating her perspective ("when you are young they assume you know nothing"). she gets that validation from james, her boyfriend ("hand under my sweatshirt, baby kiss it better," "and when i felt like i was an old cardigan, under someone's bed / you put me on and said i was your favorite"), but loses it very suddenly when he cheats on her and breaks her heart ("a friend to all, is a friend to none / chase two girls, lose the one"). it's a formative moment for her because the relationship was her lifeline in many ways and not having that hurts her all over again ("you drew scars, around my scars, and now i'm bleeding"). the bridge talks about james rushing to fix things, but also it isn't really about that because it isn't about him. it's about how she had to learn to give herself what she was looking to james for, and she does ("cause i knew everything when i was young"). she honors her own perspective, voice, and agency, and the fact that she was perfectly capable the entire time. the point isn't that he put her on and said she was his favorite, the point is that she doesn't need him to do that anymore but had to learn that the hard way. starting the story with cardigan seems like a questionable decision because of how mature it is, but it also makes sense in a lot of ways because knowing how the events of the story affected betty is pretty crucial to understanding betty (song). also i think there's something to be said about how she chose to begin with the woman's perspective.

august next we get to hear from augustine. augustine is the "other woman" or the one james cheats with, and her sympathetic portrayal is very, very important (more on that later). we get to know that she was really in love with james and didn't feel casual about him at all, but was treated casually because he just didn't like her the way she liked him. the song is very much her processing this and feeling used and discarded, but also kind of dejectedly recognizing that she never had a shot because he was never really hers. august and foolish one really are sisters in that way. also there's like, a heavy implication that james was her first time (iykwim) and that's part of why it hurts so much that it ended the way it did. i think the best part of august is the way that she shows us without directly telling us the differences between how augustine and betty experienced their relationship with james. betty gets closure, augustine doesn't. betty (in cardigan) has verse after verse of different moments with james, because she was with him for years, but augustine talks about the moments during the summer (many of which are from like, the same day) over and over because that's all she had. it's subtle but it's there

betty (song) there is something so very intentional about the guy getting to say his piece last (i have no other elaboration lmfao, just wanted to start off with that). so betty (song) is like, the most clear-cut about What Happened which i believe is because betty and august have to process and think about how it affected their life and their person but james just gets to think about the story because he was the one fucking around and hurting other people. he knows he needs to apologize, and i don't feel the need to elaborate on that apology too much because it's like, in the lyrics lol. but i think betty (song) showcases the closure betty got that augustine didn't. whether or not she took him back is up for debate, and whether or not the apology is good is also up for debate, but at the end of the day neither of those things matter because the point is that it's an open-ended resolution to the story. you get to see how much he cares about betty and how little he cares about augustine (just a summer fling indeed).

the gender of it all it's impossible to ignore gender here because it's SO important to the story, specifically for betty and james. a lot of betty's initial struggle of being invalidated and diminished is because she's a smart teenage girl, and there's nothing society hates more than a young girl with opinions. they're both young teenagers, but the dichotomy of how their youth factors into their story is very intentional. for betty, she's told she "knows nothing" because she is young. her perspective is considered less important, she's made to doubt herself as so many young girls are when it comes to their instincts. even though adult betty is able to recognize that she was right the whole time and "knew everything when i was young," one of the greatest pains of the relationship for her was the way she was forced into that recognition. for james, he gets to say "i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything." he gets to dodge responsibility and make excuses for himself because of his age, and society is like "ok makes sense." his wrong perspective is only propped up and validated, which is a stark contrast to how betty feels. for augustine, as the "other woman," it would be easy for the narrative to encourage the popular and kinda sexist narrative that she got in the way of the relationship and was a homewrecker/evil mistress. but instead, she gets to be a teenage girl who was hurt. the narrative tells you that she's a kid who maybe made a mistake but it doesn't blame her. that's a luxury that's usually only afforded to men (and the luxury james takes advantage of).

real life inspiration i have to keep this part short bc i'm about to hit character limit but there are shades of her relationship with jake in august (having your first time and it feeling special but then being discarded and feeling kinda used) and some of the hurt around it. her relationship with harry (see: 1989 vault) feels like a driving force around the love triangle as well, because it's a very similar story. and i also think that the summer of 2016 with joe is a part of all this. people have said that august feels a lot like if cruel summer went the other way and they're right (again, there's some bits and pieces that are more sex-adjacent but that's another thing). and some of the references to betty's mental health and how james made things feel ok is very her & joe in 2016. it's kind of a lot of different events in her life and i think writing the love triangle helped her unpack how some of them led to each other. also impossible to ignore the similarities between how the world invalidated her for years and how the world invalidates betty

[naneun-no]

Every day I get more certain that there is no real ship. The members and the company let this shipping thing going on all these years because it benefits them, both in terms of money and being free to date who they want. There are more things that prove Jkk, Tkk or any other ships isn't real than the things that have been interpreted, from us shippers, as being real.

I’m super late on this but when you sent this I started on it, and then was promptly very overwhelmed by a large number of asks and kind of shut down. I found it in my drafts so figured I’d finish and post it, if you still care! Lol. Totally understand if you don’t 🤣

I already know I’m going to ramble so let’s get this out of the way — that’s a perfectly fine conclusion to come to. If that’s how you feel, it’s how you feel. I don’t know the inner workings of KPop marketing, so I couldn’t say whether as a whole they tend to “promote” ships (i.e. fanservice and questionable photoshoot concepts/poses, even mv interactions — is that what you mean?) because it makes them money, or if they follow the fans to see what they’re squawking about online and then serve up content to kind of give the people what they want. In other words, I’m not sure which came first, the chicken or the egg. I think we’d need an industry professional in the KPop media landscape, someone who’s followed KPop a lot longer than me, or at least a blogger more observant and analytical than me to tease that out.

On Jikook specifically — I have a few rebuttals to the idea that the relationship (whether it’s romantic or not) so many of us have clued into is some sort of fabricated marketing scheme. At the very least, it’s not only that. Let’s get into them.

#1: Just because something is marketable doesn’t make it fake.

Are their subgroup photoshoots adorable and thick with chemistry? Yep. Do I think for one moment that there was a BH executive behind the camera telling JK to look at Jimin like THAT? With the slow-gaze drop down to his lips (or his ass)? Idk, to me that’s laughable. He just does. Like, I think two things can be true at the same time: Jimin and Jung Kook can look objectively good together and also be a popular pairing within the fandom and so the company can kind of play into that and promote their interactions, and ALSO they can have a naturally affectionate, long-standing close personal relationship that boosts the chemistry of those interactions. Does that make sense? It’s sort of like when celebrities who are love interests in a movie do a press circuit, and they have palpable sexual tension — that’s half the reason they were cast as romantic leads in the first place — and they also get along really well behind the scenes, because they click and also have spent a ton of time together. Of course the Warner Bros executives or whoever’s funding the movie is like hell yeah, play it up, sell those tickets — but that doesn’t invalidate the fact that the co-stars have likely truly become close and truly have a connection. And, often, it’s later revealed that the co-stars have in fact been banging the whole time. Shocker. AND even if they aren’t — they still may have had a very real connection that could have definitely sparked into something more had they chosen to pursue it — for instance, I don’t think for a second that Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake wouldn’t have hooked up during FWB if he wasn’t so obsessed with his now wife (and she might have been in a relationship then too I don’t remember). And it was exactly the case with Tom and Zendaya. AND that’s just for celebrities, who’ve often only been working together for 8-9 months or so, making a movie. Not two guys who are attached at the hip and have been for the last near decade.

Whew. That was a lot of ands. Still with me?

#2: I think you’re seriously overestimating everyone’s acting ability.

Imagine being “on” all the time.

I get that they could turn things on and get purposefully flirty or suggestive during fansigns, or onstage, but BTS are some of the most prolific celebrities out there in terms of “behind the scenes” footage. They have posted hours and hours of what basically amounts to reality show content, spanning years of their lives.

“But reality TV is scripted.” Well, duh. It typically needs to have some sort of narrative, some sort of direction or it will be dull. But as anyone who watches reality TV will tell you, it’s scripted, but also it’s not. That’s what separates it from purely fictional movies and series with actors; it’s real people having, for the most part, real reactions in real time, and it’s what is so fascinating to so many people. You can script an interaction on a reality show, but it’s much harder to script every individual person’s reactions to that interaction, the interpersonal relationships that form, the nonverbal behaviors and cues, the personality traits that are revealed. More often than not, someone’s true character, or at least several facets of it, will come out when they’re on a reality show. It’s how we can confidently say that certain bachelors/bachelorettes are assholes — because even while they aren’t meant to be portrayed as such, and in fact they are actively meant to be seen as desirable, marry-able people — sometimes they just can’t hide their gross true natures. And that’s just for 1-2 seasons. Imagine pretending that well for something like 8 years of behind the scenes content. That’s approaching psychopathic levels of acting ability, and it’s an unrealistic conclusion. Maybe they’re not dating, but I believe they’re absolutely as close, if not closer, than they look. There’s no faking that level of intimacy and comfort, not for that long.

#3: I don’t agree with you that shipping allows the members to date who they want.

I’m not sure how the two things are related actually, except that maybe shippers in the fandom are more likely to dismiss dating rumors because they believe the guys to already be taken? But that’s just the thing — dating rumors have only ever been rumors for them. Nothing’s ever been confirmed, though there has been PLENTY of speculation, for Jimin and Jung Kook both. So I don’t really see how promoting Jikook as a subunit has protected them from any of that? If they were dating other people they’d STILL have to sneak around and keep that shit locked down, regardless of shippers — because regardless of shipping, proof is proof and if a photo of them making out with somebody on a yacht leaks, it really doesn’t matter how many cute selfies they posted with the other members, know what I mean?

#4: I don’t ship/support Jikook because of their contrived interactions.

I support them and believe them to be in a romantic relationship, or at least something that is not strictly platonic, because of their tension, comments, behaviors, and stories they tell of off-screen moments. Sure, maybe some PR person gave them the okay to do that dance cover of Own It, but nobody told them to do it like THAT, in a dark room, alone, with tension so thick it seeps through the screen. Yeah, they got paired up for 2021 seasons greetings, but nobody paused the shoot to remind Jung Kook to fixate on Jimin’s lips as he playfully leaned in. Yeah, they were asked to share how they felt when they heard the news about the Grammy nomination, but do you really think a PR person pulled Jimin to the side beforehand and said “psst, do that thing where you pretend you were with Jung Kook at 3 in the morning, awake for no apparent reason, the fans love that shit.” Nobody told them to take an intimate selfie in a car together and look absolutely pissed off (Jimin) scandalized (JK) and caught off guard (both) when the camera caught them. Emily in Paris isn’t over there spinning outrageous ideas in a board room and telling JK and Jimin to pause reaally awkwardly when they notice the camera in JK’s hotel room, almost like they weren’t expecting it to be there when they entered together — the ONLY members to do so.

Have I made my point? These two are a treasure trove of suspicious moments that add up, and add up, and just keep swirling together until we all kind of collectively go — huh, that doesn’t seem strictly platonic, my dudes 🧐

Idk. It seems like this fandom is very fickle, and constantly erases any and all nuance and realism for these dramatic, black or white, this or that stances that don’t really make sense in the real world. Maybe Jimin and Jung Kook have never had a romantic relationship (and if they haven’t, in my opinion, no one has, because no one else in the group has anything close to their particular cocktail of intimacy, chemistry, and suspicious moments/stories). But even if they haven’t, does that reduce their every interaction to contrived content thought up by men in suits in a conference room? Nah baby. That’s 90% them, their marketing team is just the lucky bastards that get to reap the rewards of an electric duo. Or unlucky, probably, if you ask the poor peons in charge of editing hours of content 🙃

If you made it this far, you’re a trooper. 💜 Would love to hear any other thoughts!

[aragornsrockcollection]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but Tolkien saying his work wasn’t allegory did not make LotR immune from being a reflection of his experiences, especially with WWI, and strong parallels between the emotional journeys of his characters in war and the emotional experience of Tolkien’s generation didn’t happen by accident, and we don’t have to pretend they did.

Tolkien didn’t even pretend they did. He talked about how the dead marshes were designed in direct reflection of no man’s land after the rain, craters in the earth from shells filled with rain water, nothing living but the potential of fallen soldiers staring back from any of the pools.

It is also true to say that the War of the Ring isn’t an allegory for WWI. A war being an allegory for war is… kind of a weak allegory. What we’re looking at is someone using their own experience with the horrors of war to make the internal worlds of his characters experiencing the horrors of war feel more real. Lobelia Sackville-Baggins isn’t an allegory for obnoxious relations, but I guarantee her character was not birthed pure from Tolkien’s imagination without him having met people like her in the same English countryside environment that inspired the Shire.

People keep bringing up ‘Tolkien doesn’t do allegory therefore your argument is invalid’ on my post about how the experience of the hobbits in LotR speaks to the experience of young men of Tolkien’s generation being shipped off to fight in WWI. Specifically, the fact that a shiny glorified version of war was sold to them previous to leaving.

And I’m also not saying Bilbo is equivalent to the war propaganda in early 1900’s Britain, I love Bilbo, I love his stories of adventure, I do not think he was trying to mislead the youth of the Shire, ok? That’s not the point here.

But isn’t it interesting how much the Hobbits talk about their adventure vs Bilbo’s adventure, and the fact that nothing is like they thought it would be, while Bilbo is also proven to be an unreliable (though still heroic, well meaning and sympathetic) narrator of the events of The Hobbit? This discrepancy between what the hobbits (especially Frodo) thought adventure would mean based on the stories of their elders and what it actually meant? And how that feeling of disillusionment was also an enormous part of WWI, and WWI vet JRR Tolkien’s generation’s experience of war?

Tolkien saying LotR wasn’t allegorical does NOT mean the character’s disillusionment in the book and the people’s disillusionment in history don’t speak to each other.

That’s not allegory, it’s parallels, it’s commentary on how war works in the context of an in universe war, it’s writing what you know.

He absolutely uses allegory all over the place in his books though and he is a dirty lier when he says he isn’t, you can come for me for saying THAT now if you want, but first let me tell you what in LotR isn’t an allegory and why I think Tolkien hated the idea so much:

The Ring is not the Atomic Bomb.

If I were Tolkien, and I wrote this story in which there was a big evil weapon that could destroy the world, much of which was written before 1945 when the Atomic bombs were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, but it came out and became popular soon after those events and also during the Cold War and related nuclear arms race, I too would start telling people nothing I had written had any relationship with any events that had happened in real life ever.

To be clear ‘the Ring is the A-bomb’ is a completely tepid take. It only makes sense on the very shallowest level, and if you proceed with reading the books with the assumption that this is the intended take-away, you are going to be extremely confused at what the message about the atomic bomb even is.

The goal of the books is to drop ‘the bomb’ into the lava which ends the highly destructive war by breaking the spirit of the enemy (literally and figuratively, the literal spirit Sauron, and also once the will of Sauron is gone most of his troops, being slaves, flee). So the atomic bomb is good and should have been dropped!

… but the weapon that could destroy the world should never be used by anyone, to use it would make them evil themselves, and just as bad as the enemy, so the Atomic bomb is bad? And should not have been dropped?

Normal people change the course of wars! Wait, with atomic bombs? By not using atomic bombs? The bad guy is the one who made the atomic bomb, but the good guys have the atomic bomb, also there is only one atomic bomb and no chance of another atomic bomb, so that really captures the zeitgeist of the 50’s for sure.

But the world is understandably obsessed with the subject after the way WWII ended, so this comparison was absolutely inescapable in Tolkien’s book about the big scary weapon in the big scary war.

And even if the allegory were clear and consistent, it completely EVISCERATES everything else that Tolkien super cared about expressing with his work with the blunt force of a really really polarizing real life political agenda.

Tolkien cared SO MUCH about language, and the interactions of these fantasy races, and the enormity of history and mythology and our place in it, impermanence, hope in the face of despair, mortality, poetry, geography, what it means to be noble, what it means to heal, friendship, awe, a whole world. All that stuff he is remembered for, and the reason he is credited with creating a genre. He spent his whole life building and peopling this complicated world, and he didn’t want people to look at it and reduce it to a single real life issue that he didn’t even write in on purpose. He wanted his world and everything he put into it to be an escape that felt true, not a thin veil stretched over a hot-button issue.

Which I get, but I think his saying he didn’t intend there to be any allegory was just way simpler than saying “I put in tons of allegory, but you are picking up all the wrong ones.”

Like, come here and tell me Saruman and Isengard aren’t allegorical to the forces of industrialization in our world. Say it to my face. The trees literally take their revenge on them, COME ON.

Abstract concepts are even more liberally used for allegory, or tell me the Ring isn’t an allegory for Power that Corrupts.

Tolkien even says in the letter to his editor Milton Waldman (which was put by Christopher Tolkien as a sort of forward to the Silmarillion) that the type of allegory he dislikes is “intentional allegory.” Which is to say he dislikes obvious thinly veiled allegory which relates one to one with reality.

He kind of ignores the existence of moral allegory, which is indisputably a part of his books, which to remind ya’ll, are about fighting an ultimate evil and finding a part of it will always live inside yourself.

Listen, the man is not alive, I can never have this conversation to confirm, but I know in my soul he was mad at people calling his books allegory cause he invested so much in the literal world building and didn’t want people to sweep that all aside looking for what deep message he was trying to send about life by creating eighteen dialects of elvish.

He just wanted to make a cool language and for his literature friends to not blow past his cool language as window dressing. It’s not just window dressing, it’s a vital part of his world. But there is also a ton of allegory in his story. There is a ton of symbolism in his story, and he didn’t have a problem with that word, even though allegory is basically symbolism applied to narrative. He would have called what I am referring to as allegory “applicability.”

But ultimately it’s a big story, it fits a lot of things, and it is not going against his authorial wishes to read into it, and even if it was, stop limiting your experience of art by authorial intent. I think authorial intent is interesting, and it’s a fun angle to consider, thus why I try to imagine what allegory pissed off Tolkien the most in this post, but it is not everything and shouldn’t limit you.

For example, I don’t care what Tolkien thought, pipeweed is in fact marijuana, cause it makes me chuckle to think of hobbits stoned out of their minds.

TLDR: People who keep telling me to stop reading “allegory” into Tolkien’s work: you keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

[blahbeble]

incoherent rambling about Shion Sonozaki

Writing this as someone who’s still reading the game (I’m in the middle of Tsumi) but MAN I think Meakashi is one of the best things I have ever read and extremely tragic and Shion’s characterization really blew me me away. She is one of the best portrays of a mentally ill and traumatized person I’ve ever seen and they take the “risk” of making her do and think some very horrid things yet mange to not demonize her mental illness and not link it with villainy. She’s bitter and easily jealous and often projects on the people around her. She has this anger inside of her a part of her that wishes that everyone was as miserable as she was even people who’ve done nothing to her. And by the end of Meakashi she killed a lot of people. Some was revenge against her abusers and some was for survival. But she also killed because she wanted to drag everyone down to hell with her. Perhaps in her mind killing people like Mion and Kimiyoshi was also revenge. Weather it be her inferiority complex and chance at a good life or that she desperately wanted them to defend and stick up for her and they failed to protect her. And felt betrayed by the people who cared about her as the love she received throughout her life was very inconsistent  I could go on how the arc carefully writes all the moves she makes. What specifically leads her to murder someone and all the build ups to her murders cause they’re all VERY considerately handled. It never felt like she went out of her way to just go and kill someone there was always steps towards it that made her tick until that idea in her head won her over and she took her chance. But while l I adore how a lot of Shion’s "ugly” traits are handled she also has this childish, naïve, purity about her that’s truly heart breaking. Yes, Shion does a lot of absolutely horrible things in this arc and even at the beginning of it you can definitely tell there’s something “wrong” with her. She thinks in a very unempathetic or apathetic way about a lot of things. She’s desensitized to violence due to her upbringing and thinks cruel things like how she wouldn’t care if Satoko died or thought she should die for Satoshi. But it’s not just hate for the world she holds but hate for herself and existence most of all. After all she’s really just a kid who was abused. She feels like her bitterness towards her family is unjust and does genuinely know how horrible her desires to do something about it are and hates herself for. She wants to defend herself but she feels like she’s invalid in her anger and internalized this idea from her family that she IS the problem and suffers intense self loathing. There’s also the side of her that genuinely wants to get along with her family because their her family. She holds onto this innocent idea that somewhere deep inside they must care about her and even they would have their limits. And the fact that her family can flipflop between being kind to her and being cruel to her fed into her naivety. And While it’s not hard at all to grasp Shion’s bitterness towards her family there’s never a moment in Meakashi where she has an emotional breakdown about the targets of her abuse like Oryou. She pours her heart out on how she misses Satoshi, how she projects her jealousy and anger onto both Mion and Satoko but Oryou or any other member of the Sonozaki family never get that despite being the ones that hurt her the most. Heck if you look at the text Shion never directly spells out why she did what she did. And I think it’s cause Shion downplays her abuse to herself. Heck Shion gets very self loathing monologues directed at herself and over her abusers. She’s internalized the fact that she’s a mistake. I think the demon allegory she internalizes when having an identity crisis is interesting for this reason. She never has a bitter monologue about how she turned out this way and blaming the people who were truly responsible. I genuinely don’t think Shion would have ever murdered anyone if she didn’t have someone to hide behind as an excuse. And while Satoshi is the absolute PERFECT candidate for this scenario with how similar they are and in her eyes he’s “free of sin” I can totally see her doing it for others if things went different. While Mion and Satoko were objects of Shion’s jealousy and anger for her I could also totally see her murder on their behave to in the right circumstances. Because convincing herself she was standing up for someone innocent and acting selflessly and unconsciously doing what she wanted someone to do for her was the only way she felt validated in her desires. Nearing the end of Meakashi her mind is an absolute mess. On the surface (Which is also her true feelings to an extent) it looks like she’s having this high of ecstasy and sadistic pleasure as she finally is able to let out all her pent up anger and fight back. But she’s also a mess. She feels absolutely horrible for what she’s done. There’s a lot of things about Shion that makes her feel like she’s detached herself from reality because of how empty and isolated she feels  and I think she’s disassociating from the horror she’s caused by indulging in her sadistic pleasure and getting lost in her identity crisis and all the confusion she’s feeling. 

 But despite that she really does want to be caught and is desperate to be figured out. And latches onto Rena for support and pulls at straws with things Keiichi says she wants SOMETHING 

and not just that but also that someone will love and accept her for her and not just Mion. She wants to be seen for who she is and someone to tell her that she DOES have a place in the world. She both loves and hates the things Keiichi says to her in the final stretch as while they touch her heart. It strings because these words weren’t truly meant for her and she knows that. And by the end her mind is so muddled and she’s exhausted and kills herself from the guilt. Aaaa this post is such an incoherent mess and ended abruptly but I love Shion Sonozaki

[theanimeview]

Muffy: Will You Give Her A Wonderful Life?

Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/harvest-moon-a-wonderful-life--568227677956353515/

By: Casea Smith | @coffeewithkrow

On one fateful Christmas day, I got Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life. This was not only the first farming simulator I ever played but also the first game I had ever played that allowed (or, in this case, required) you to marry someone. It was revolutionary to me as a child, and it opened my mind to a new way of thinking about what video games can be in general. 

As you can imagine, the announcement of A Wonderful Life’s remake (now under the franchise Story of Seasons) left me bouncing with joy and anticipation. With every teaser, the wait until summer simply feels longer and longer. While I wait, what better way to kill time than to write about my usual choice to marry: Muffy. 

For clarification, in the Story of Seasons version, her name is “Molly.” Molly is the same character as Muffy, but, for this post, I will be referring to her by the original name of “Muffy.”

Muffy is an interesting character. She is easy to judge with one’s first viewing with internalized misogyny. She works at the bar and comes off as very bubbly and flirtatious. Muffy certainly stands out against the countryside background with her bold make-up and red dress, but there is more than meets the eye to this young lady. 

In the subsequent game, Another Wonderful Life, you play as a female instead, allowing you to see things from a different perspective as same-sex marriages in video games weren’t an option in those days. So instead of always marrying her, I had to sit on the sidelines and experience the tragic progression of Muffy’s love life.You see, as the oldest of the bachelorettes, all she wants is to settle down and have a family with the love of her life. The problem is, there isn’t anybody in the village who has caught her eye, nor do they seem interested in her that way either, so she dates boys from the city.

Well, every year, you can catch Muffy standing on the bridge watching the sunset. At first, she’s there to re-examine her heartbreak over men not taking her seriously, and not wanting to settle down. Time passes again, and she tells of a man that cheated on her, and how he chose the other woman over her. Each passing year becomes bleaker as she ages. Meanwhile, you have already chosen your mate and are watching your son grow up while Muffy is found at the bridge mourning over what could have been year after year.

Source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DNLYrtj2M&ab_channel=ch0colatemilk

As a child, I felt helpless and completely willing to marry Muffy if only the game would allow it. So, whenever I re-play A Wonderful Life, I tend to feel a twinge of guilt when I decide to marry someone other than Muffy.As I try to figure out which candidate I will choose, I can’t help but wonder if it is even healthy to decide on Muffy out of guilt since I know she won’t marry anyone else or move on in life if I don’t choose her–it’s quite reminiscent of Penny from Stardew Valley in a sense. 

Yes, their situations are vastly different considering Penny is living in a trailer with her alcoholic mother, but lots of people decide to marry Penny because they feel the need to rescue her. If more people knew of the progressing destruction of Muffy’s dreams, would that motivate more people to choose her out of the different candidates? 

It might not be the healthiest reason to pick someone, but I don’t think it’s an invalid reason. Not to mention, the focus on the guilt can make it seem like you’re ONLY choosing them because of their trauma, when in reality you might see them as more than that. 

However, after a long reflection, I believe that there are other reasons to like Muffy and marry her beyond pity or guilt. She is very sweet and is the only one to approach you first. A good-looking new farmer is in the valley, and she is not going to pass up the opportunity to make something happen. She also blossoms into the motherly role quite beautifully; it’s quite endearing to see her enjoying life on the farm with her husband and son. However, comparing Muffy with the other bachelorettes, I can’t help but think that she really is the best choice!

Celia is an obvious choice as she is also a farmer, and the child she bears will more naturally have an interest in running the farm, but, as a kid, I was disappointed by the fact that she doesn’t seem to farm anymore after you marry her (at least not that I could tell). It’s as though a major passion of hers is gone. 

When it comes to the quiet and cold Nami, I always felt like I was tying her down and keeping her from being the traveling spirit she is, particularly when I know that she would be off traveling had she not married me in that playthrough. She’ll even express such feelings from time to time, and it would break my heart as her in-game spouse.

But now, with the Story of Seasons's remake, there are many candidates to choose from, as gender is no longer an obstacle when it comes to marrying someone. Though, I hope that those of you reading this and planning to play the game will give Muffy a chance if you haven’t already. If not, I’d love to hear your takeaways from her character, too!

[darklove9314-blog]

Listen I’m going to start this with the fact that I’m in a foul mood, I’m running off lack of sleep, a very busy day at work, and now people trying to be the morality and tone police on me because I rightfully tagged my content as anti rhys and somehow got someone who wandered over to my tag where I addressed Rhys’s more problematic and abusive behavior and I’m sick of people making justifications like “He’s a fictional character” or “He’s a fae, he’s not supposed to be a good guy” (and yes I know the fae are morally grey creatures,but that doesn’t mean I HAVE to agree with their actions)

A lot of people consume various form of media, I was a person where my parents sat me down in front of tvs and let me read books to learn about the world. I can tell you a lot of forms of media shape the way we think and feel.

Also I’m allowed to hate a fictional character especially if he reminds me of one of my abusers, so no I will not take away MY and OTHERS safe space to talk about abuse in a way that helps us cope and process what all has happened to us just because people just want people want to defend fictional characters like it’s their job. People are allowed to dislike a love interest because they see it as toxic and concerning behavior, they’re allowed to point it out and tell people that in reality no one should be treating you this way. And before anyone goes “they should already know that” please note that some of this fandom comes from abusive and neglectful backgrounds where their family will leave them to their own devices and say “Figure it out yourself.” So no not everyone knows that the way Rhys acts towards Feyre should be frowned upon. Not everyone knows what a healthy vs unhealthy relationship is, because to some of us any attention is good attention, any sort of love whether it be toxic or not, feels as quenching as water after you feel thirsty.

So do me and the rest of the Rhys antis a favor and block us. Go do things in your own fucking tags, because I refuse to not give my followers a safe space just because you want others to change their opinions so you can shape your own experience.

Sincerely,

A woman who would rather you go back to your tags where you can share your love for your favorite characters in peace instead of trying to tone police, morality police, and invalidate other experiences just because you don’t know how to block creators or tags….

[wonderland-girl143-blog]

Nancy finds out about Steve and Eddie. In hopes of braking them up and getting Steve back she tells his parents. Which leads everyone to find out and help piece Steve back together with the help of music

———————————————————————————

Chapter 1

Steve stands with his head in his hands at the counter of Family Video. He has about 2 hours before his shift is over and is bored out of his mind. Robin had the day off, so it was just him on this boring Tuesday. All he wanted was to go home, change and go see his boyfriend Eddie.

All he can picture is sitting curled up on the couch with Eddie watching some stupid horror movie he loves. Running his fingers through Eddie’s hair as he braids it and pass a joint or two between them.

The ringing of the bell above the door brings him out of his thoughts.

Looking up saying “welcome to Family-. Oh hey Nance!” Spotting Nancy coming through the door by herself. She’s wearing a flowery skirt and a white tank top.

“Hey Steve!” She greats brightly. She glances around the store to see if anyone was in. “Can I talk to you?”

Steve tilts his head with a confused expression. “Sure Nancy. What’s up?”

She steps up to the counter and leans against it. She has a shy expression on her face and is blushing hard. She starts rubbing a finger up and down Steve’s arm. “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight. We could go back to your place and watch a movie or something.” She gives him a sultry smile.

Steve sees were this is going and cringes. Ever since Johnathan and her broke up a few months after the whole Vecna and upside down shit she’s been trying to get back with Steve. No one knows about Eddie and him yet. It’s still pretty new. They have only been dating since October and haven’t quite told everyone yet. Don’t get him wrong a few people knew like the kids and Robin, but that was only because they forgot the kids were coming over for movie night at Steve’s and walked into Eddie and him making out on the couch. Robin knew from the beginning because well she’s his platonic with a capital p soulmate and helped with his bisexual crisis a few months before Eddie and him got together.

Steve backs away from the counter crosses his arm and sighs why rubbing his face. “Look Nancy we’ve had this conversation before. I’m not interested. Your one of my friends and that’s it. I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore.”

Frowning she stands up straight and crosses her arms. “Oh come onSteve. We both know that’s a lie. What about your dream of six little nuggets and me by your side why we travel across the country?”

“Nancy enough! I am seeing someone! I am not interested in getting back with you!” Steve says firmly.

“What! Who? I am so much better then whatever bimbo bitch you are dating.” Rolling her eyes

“No your not! I love him, so let it go!” Steve screams. Noticing the shocked expression on Nancy’s face and realizing what he just said. He hadn’t even told Eddie he loved him yet and now just blurted out to his ex-girlfriend and ratted himself out about his relationship.

“Him?” Nancy says.

Taking a deep breathe “yes him. I’m bi Nancy.”

“Oh my god. Who is it?”

“I’m not telling you that. It’s not my place to-“

The bell above the door goes off and the snap their heads to see who just came in.

“Hey Stevie baby-“ looking up Eddie realizes they aren’t alone like he thought. “Oh shit.”

Nancy’s jaw is hanging open and she looking in between Eddie and Steve who is pinching the bridge of his nose with his hand on his hip shaking his head. They all stand there quite for a minute.

Nancy snaps her mouth shut with a pissed of look on her face and turns to Steve. “Fucking Eddie? You have got to be fucking kidding me. I am so much better then that freak!”

“Shut your mouth Nancy! Before I shut it for you. You are not better then him. He never makes me feel like an idiot or makes my feeling feel invalid. He gives a shit about my interest and always makes sure I am enjoying myself on out dates. Makes sure I am ok and taken care. He’s never made me feel like a piece of shit who wasn’t good enough to be loved. So fuck off and get out and don’t come back until you pull your head out of your ass!” Steve yells at her.

Eddie is looking between the two concerned. Nancy stares down Steve, but huffs, turns on her heal and shoves pass Eddie. As she passes Eddie hears her whisper to herself “This isn’t over. He will be mine.”

Eddie shakes his head and looks back at Steve. “What the fuck was that about.” Walking up to the counter and reaching across to rub the crease out from Steve’s furrowed eyebrows.

Steve melts at his touch and nuzzles into his hand as it comes down to his cheek. “Just Nancy trying to get me to take her back again. I kinda accidentally let it slip I was seeing a a guy and she was demanding to know who when you came in and gave it away.”

Eddie smiles “Whoops. Oh well I am sure it’ll be fine. She wouldn’t saying anything to anyone even if she is mad right now.”

Steve sighs. “ I hope your right. She seemed pretty mad.” Steve shakes his head. “What did you come here for anyways?”

Eddie’s brightens up and bounces down the aisle. “That’s right I was coming to get us a movie for tonight and was going to ask what you wanted?”

“Anything you want baby. You know I don’t care.” Steve smiles and puts his head back in his hands as he leans on the counter. He listens to Eddie babble on. Shaking the bad feeling in his gut to pay attention to his boyfriend.

What he doesn’t realize is that Nancy really isn’t going to stop and it’s going to cost him a lot.

I will post chapter 2 if this is something that people want me to keep going with.

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

So at my local affirming church they’re trying so hard to be allies to everyone and they’re doing a pretty good job but how should I tell them that they should just say “we are inclusive of everyone regardless of their sexual orientation, sex, gender etc.” instead of “everyone regardless of their sexual orientation, gender, gender identity etc.” it sounds very invalidating lol. They’re very accepting they just don’t realize sex and gender are two different things and I really want to reach out and educate them and respectfully ask them to change that on their website so it sounds actually inclusive but I’m not very good with words lol

Hey there, anon! I'm so happy to hear you have a church like that near you; everyone deserves to have community where people genuinely want to learn and affirm them.

Tell me if I'm misunderstanding, but the part of their current statement you find invalidating is that it says "sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, etc.," right?

If that's the case, I'm with you in personally prickling at the "identity" terminology, because of how often I've heard people use it crappily. Like "oh yeah this is X, she identifies as nonbinary" and it's just like. Ach. They are nonbinary!

However, there are some trans, nonbinary, and otherwise gender diverse folk who do use that identity language. It's possible that when this church was putting their affirmative statement together, multiple voices offered multiple ideas, and the church leaders did their best to incorporate all those voices.

I think if I were you, I'd reach out to one of the church leaders to ask if for the history behind the affirmative statement. You can word it super friendly and as genuine curiosity — it really is fun to learn how communities develop their faith statements! and can lead to rich conversation. Maybe something like,

Hello, I was looking at the inclusive part of your faith statement online, specifically where it reads, "We are inclusive of everyone regardless of their sexual orientation, gender, gender identity etc." and I would love to hear the story behind that statement! How long has that been part of your church statement, and who gathered to put it together? Is there someone you can put me in touch with who knows the history? I'm hoping that in learning more about the story behind the statement, I can learn more about this community as a whole. I'm also curious about whether the congregation would be open to potentially amending or expanding the statement in the future, if further conversation were to lead to that decision. For instance, when I here mention of "gender identity," I think of invalidating sentiments I've heard before — people separating cis women and trans women, for instance; or accepting that someone might identify as nonbinary but not accepting that they really are nonbinary. So I would be interested to hear the perspectives of the people who decided to include that phrasing in the church statement; maybe I'd learn something that would help me feel better about it, or maybe we as a community would decide it's time to tweak the language to make it as affirming and inclusive as possible.

To close with my own thoughts about affirmative faith statements like the one your church has: I often see statements that leave me feeling like “oh, this does not sound as good as they must think it sounds.” Still, if a faith statement clearly has the right sentiment in mind, I’ll happily give that church a try! Sometimes the statement wasn’t written through collective effort, but just by a couple people; sometimes it was written years and years ago before a shift in language gave the statement new connotations.

At any church, what a faith statement proclaims is not what every member or even every employee of that church believes (for better or for worse). It’s meant to be a broad outline of the ideals the community as a whole hopes to live into, together — even while making room for nuances in belief among individual members of the whole. So an “imperfect” faith statement is not a deal-breaker to me, so long as its overall gist is positive.  

(All that being said lol, my favorite wording for statements like these removes the “regardless” language as a whole and instead says something like “We strive towards the full inclusion of people of all sexualities, genders, races, dis/abilities...” etc.)

[king-bee-sting]

Hello fellow arven stan/simp, I have a question if you don’t mind. Does he have trauma or just mom/dad issues or both? Because the way the game goes over it makes it seem like yes it was a bad event, but he was able to grow as a person and find himself through it, along with making new friends, and from what !!VERY LITTLE!! I know about trauma (as someone whose experienced it) I think it’s an event or a response to an event that changes how you respond to other stuff/how you act, and I don’t think that happens with him. I could very well be wrong though! And I don’t want to come across as trying to invalidate trauma, or say characters can’t have trauma, I’m just genuinely curious/unsure and also really really want him to be okay. My apologies if this was long or weird or both! Have a great day/night!!

OH MY GOSH OKAY

So

Spoilers ahead, obviously, we're deep diving into an Arven character inspection

I definitely feel that Arven absolutely does have s0me trauma

However because Pokemon is considered and marketed as a children's game, it's glossed over and not all that obvious/explained, since even in these times talk of trauma is often taboo, especially in children's games

But for the older audiences who knows more about cause and effect, and mental health, it's easier to spot and think about

Arven absolutely has trauma, how could he not? He has what could possibly be abandonment issues and trauma from what's essentially neglect. It was said that his parent was more often than not unavailable emotionally and physically due to being very engrossed in their research, leaving Arven to basically grow up on his own, teaching himself how to cook and take care of Maschiff/Mabostiff. This is very possibly why Arven is very closed off in the beginning; he was never given a proper example of how to socialize and accept attention. And because of his parents lack of attention this could have caused him to have some resentment for others, especially those who do have active parents.

I wasn't necessarily neglected as a child but I was very lonely and didn't receive as much attention as my brother and sister did, and growing up I was very much jealous of those who had very attentive parents, so that's why I think Arven may think this way as well

And then moving into his relationship with Mabostiff, he's certainly got some trauma involving him. It was said that Mabostiff had gotten seriously injured in Area Zero, that's why Arven went on the quest for the Herba Mystica. Arven is canonically young, a teenager, so he must've been even younger when Mabostiff got injured. His best and only friend had gotten critically injured and crippled, there's no way that did not scar Arven.

There's certainly going to be unresolved trauma with Arven and his parent, after all he had been neglected and when he thought he was going to finally give them a piece of his mind, he finds out that they had actually died and the current professor is nothing more than an AI. One who tells him his parent did certainly love him and would be very proud of who he's grown into. One who look and sounds just like his and gone into Paradise Protection Protocol. Even if it's a children's game, it's obvious that the PPP was made to eliminate any threat to the research. And I don't think I have to explain what eliminate means in this situation.

But a thing that I find super interesting is that in SV, Arven does indeed work through it and finds support and stability through the friends he's made. Even going through the effort to forgive and rebuild a more positive relationship with Koraidon/Miraidon as the titan storyline progresses. And after the main storyline, Arven goes on a personal quest to learn more about himself and where he came from, even wanting to learn more about his mom/dad.

To put it simply; yes, Arven has both trauma and mommy/daddy issues. He certainly will of course have issues dealing with it in the future, trauma like that isn't a one-and-done issue, but he's handling it amazingly well and of course he has you there to help support him through it :)

[johnnyrobish]

Maine Decides to Remove Donald Trump from Its Primary Ballot

Maine Secretary of State Shenna Bellows has decided to remove Donald Trump from the Republican primary ballot, making Maine the second state in the country to block the former president from running again under the 14th Amendment of the Constitution that prevents insurrectionists from holding office.  This, along with the Colorado decision, has left the Republican Party furious, and they vow to take the case all the way to the US Supreme Court.

Gee, kind of funny how MAGAs love the 2nd Amendment, but hate the 14th.  They say using the 14th Amendment to disqualify Trump from appearing on the ballot is a direct “Attack on Democracy.”  I mean, if poor Republicans can’t run candidates who’ve attempted to violently overthrow the government of the United States and invalidate a national election so they can remain in power, then who are they supposed to run?  Friggin’ RINOs?  They claim this whole situation reeks of election interference, and I fully understand how someone could feel that way - assuming their formal education didn’t go past the 2nd grade.   

Meanwhile, many angry Republican politicians are shouting just how wrong it is to disqualify Donald Trump from the ballot, pointing out that “We should let the voters decide.”  Gee, it's rather interesting how the Trump cult is suddenly so enamored by the notion that “voters” should decide elections.  Why sure they believe “its voters who should decide."  That is, unless those voters happen to “decide” against Republicans when casting their votes - in which case they’ll storm the Capitol. 

The irony is if those ultra-right extremist Trump SCOTUS appointees stay true to their claim about being “strict constitutionalists” and take a literal reading of the 14th amendment, even THEY will suddenly find themselves in immediate need of armed security protection from Trump’s rabid MAGA base.  Hey, MAGAs!  I have an idea.  If you really don’t want your candidates to be kicked off ballots, how about telling them not to sic their rabid mobs on the Capitol to try and prevent electoral votes from being counted?  Meanwhile, as for me - well, I’m finding myself in kind of a “Maine state of mind.”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:

[coeursetcolores]

Olberic, the Warrior: Chapter 2

WARNING! Spoilers ahead for Chapter 2 of Olberic’s story in Octopath Traveler!

TOURNAMENT ARC! Let’s get that championship belt, baby!

Oh, and find out about Erhardt too, I guess?

We made it to Victor’s Hollow, got scouted, entered a tournament, and learned some hard truths about the country we supported. Standard day in a JRPG.

We arrive in the town and semi-illegally enter the big tournament that already finished it’s qualifiers, invalidating the process.

So of course, we get pitted against almost everyone that got namedropped at the beginning that was a shoo-in to win.

And as a protagonist, it’s our solemn duty to win to further our agenda regardless of how long the other fighters have been training and really wanted to win.

Wait...public dueling’s illegal? ...Eh. I’ve robbed so many people at this point, I don’t really care about breaking the law anymore. Plus, no one’s tried to arrest me yet, (probably because that’s evidence that I could beat them up) so we’re okay!

I’m just gonna say it, I loved Cecily. Now, there’s a girlboss! Smart, straightforward and fair. Knows how to get things done and can see an opportunity when it comes. 

Kinda wish we could have fought Ned; he seemed interesting.

Victor’s Hollow lives up to it’s name: big city, big arena filled with bloodthirsty citizens itching to watch a fight. You can tell the city’s pretty well-off compared to some of the others: fully paved roads, statues, huge arena, not too stuffy but still nice. Pretty standard stadium, but it’s well-shaded and you actually see texture in the ground. And I like the flags bringing bursts of color to break up the monotony. Though I think having the preparation hall be so dimly lit was an odd choice; be pretty easy to assassinate a rival in there...

I like how every one of the sub-bosses had their own identity, it’s a nice touch when so many other video games would leave your opponents as generic as possible. And they were all so cordial, a very fair competition. And the fact that they all know what they fight for makes them interesting foils to Olberic. It all helps him think and drives forward that he’s on a quest for identity.

And I appreciate getting a break from dungeons; just go to one spot and they’ll send the next guy to you! But...

...If this a tournament for one-on-one duels...

WHY DID EVERYONE BRING HELP?!

You have completed missed the point of dueling!

I get it was to be fair since you’d probably have a full party at this point, but it completely ruins the immersion! We could have just had Olberic go solo!

Gah! Rant over!

But honestly, the best part of this chapter...was Gustav.

Oh man, he is pretty much my favorite chapter boss so far. He has Olberic’s attacks, but that just makes it feel like it really is a fight between two people trained in the same style. And his personality...they could have easily just made him a tool for exposition, but he’s pretty layered for a one-off character. You can tell he’s been fighting for a long time and has a weariness about him, while still amicable to those he talks to. He accepts that what Erhardt did was wrong but can understand why he did it and still saw who he was outside of that one deed. Even then he tells Olberic where he is, knowing there’s a chance Olberic will kill him the man he admires. It’s their way of life, and he accepts it.

I had a feeling Erhardt was after revenge. I mean, he didn’t really seem malicious in the flashback, more like someone resolved to do what he did. And he wasn’t really gloating, so that seemed pretty off for someone supposed to be evil. Also, kings always get me suspicious.

This really complicates things...

How did everyone else like the tournament?

Cyrus: That story makes sense, plenty of sports have a messed-up history. And this is an interesting debate with two people who both have a point: arena fights are still just there to entertain people with violence, and a way to test one’s abilities. Kinda wish the discussion went on longer.

Primrose: Okay, Prim doesn’t trust men or women. Equality! ...And a bit hypocritical, seduction’s kind of 50% of her job.

Tressa: Oddly poetic, but I get it. I’ve seen coastal towns and she’s right, the sea has a way of just washing away your troubles. I can tell Tressa had a hard time not laughing at the end, the bird had perfect timing.

H’aanit: Oh, Z’aanta...really? My poor girl.

Ophilia: Oh, Phili! That was just what he needed to hear. And she’s right. Plenty of people use power to be cruel, but not Olberic. He’s a good soul, fighting to help. And I’m glad she reminded him. Team Mom! 

Alfyn: Olberic! If you’re hurt, tell someone! You have a free doctor at your disposal! I don’t care how tough you are, get injuries treated!

Therion: Okay, still sniping there, Theri. He has a point though, and I’m glad Olberic acknowledged it: there’s a chance he won’t like what he learns, and that he’s only going for himself. That’s just life.

I guess we find Erhardt now (thought they were going to wat until Chapter 4, but oh well).

But what’s going to happen when we find him?

Is Olberic going to be ready, knowing the situation may not have been as black and white as he thought?

Is he even going to find his answer? Or will he be more lost than ever?

We can only go forward.

[perpetual-fool]

Mara 3

   "Mara, help please."    "What is it love?"    "I'm feeling terrible. Like I'm a piece of shit and I don't matter. Okay more specifically, I can't figure out how to do anything because I'm wrong so I shouldn't do anything I want, but also other people don't make any sense so I can't do anything they want. So I can't do anything. And, I keep thinking about things I wish I did differently, and how I'm a piece of shit for it. But I can't go back, and it wouldn't fucking matter if I did. And the fact that I really didn't have any control before now is just another thing I'm a piece of shit for."

   "M'kay, well first come over here and lay your head on my lap."    "Why?"    "Because you'll feel better."    "I don't deserve to feel better."    "I don't care, I want you to feel better. C'mere."

   I stand there frozen as my brain gets stuck in a loop. She grabs my arm and pulls me onto the couch, and then pulls my head down to her lap. "There," she says, "how does that feel?"    "I don't know."    "Why not?"    "Just feeling sorry, it's drowning everything else out."    "Alright, let's get into it then." She pats my head, it feels nice. "It sounds like you want to do things, is that right?"    "I think so? I'm not really allowed to want things, wanting things is bad. But I don't want to keep doing this."    "Why are you allowed to not want this?"    "Because there's no solution. I'm supposed to solve it, right? but it's unsolvable."    "Because the logic is broken?"    "I think so."    "M'kay. What makes wanting things bad?"    "Being invalidated any time I showed interest in something. Either directly or with false approval."    "False approval?"    "Like, telling me it sounds like a good idea when they have no fucking idea what I'm talking about."    "As in they're lying? or they just don't understand?"    "Both, but I guess the latter is the more likely of the two."    "So if others don't understand you, that means it was bad?"    "Well, it means it was wrong, and being wrong means it's bad."    "Others not understanding means you're wrong?"    "Yeah."    "That doesn't sound right, how come?"    "If everyone else disagrees then I must be the problem."    "If they don't understand then it's not really disagreeing, is it?"    "It's disagreeing with the premise. Like, if someone tells me I did something that requires intent, but I know I didn't have that intent, then I must've had the intent and didn't know it."    "But if they don't understand, wouldn't that mean they were wrong about you doing the thing in the first place?"    "I don't see how, if it happened it happened."    "Didn't it.. not happen, that one time?"    "That just means it doesn't need to have happened for it to have happened. No conscious intent nor victim is necessary for me to have done the bad thing intentionally."    "Alright, but that might be getting off topic. Do you have an example of someone not understanding something you showed interest in? Not something they directly told you was bad."    "Not off the top of my head. Hypothetically I guess, let's say I'm making cookies and I came up with a trick to make them extra chewy. And then someone tells me they're okay but not crisp enough."    "And that would mean you're wrong to like chewy cookies?"    "Yes."    "What if someone else likes chewy cookies?"    "Then I'm conflicted, but still think it's wrong."    "If people disagree, then at least one of them has to be wrong, right?"    "Sure."    "So can Mr. Crisp not be the one who's wrong?"    "It's more like they're both right and I'm wrong. In abstract, or if were strictly a logical exercise, then yeah it would open up the subject for consideration."    "And logic doesn't apply here?"    "No, of course not. There's never been any reason to right and wrong. Not even in the sense that certain things 'are' wrong. It's like, things are wrong unless they're okay, and they're okay unless they're not. And inevitably I'm always wrong."

   "Well that's a bit of a problem, love. If we can't logic our way out of this then I'm not sure what to do."    "What else is there?"    "I'm not sure. What is it exactly that got you into this mess?"    "Wanting to connect."    "How does that work?"    "There aren't words for it, really. I try to 'mesh' with what's happening, integrate it. And in this case, others disagree, so I'm wrong."    "You're 'meshing' at your own expense?"    "I suppose so, yeah."    "It's not really integration if it's destroying what you already have, is it?"    "I guess not."    "So why are you fine with doing that?"    "Religion. with the 'everything you are is bad' message. I guess no one ever pulled me out of that. They all push me back down, directly or indirectly. 'Cause of the understanding thing." "This hurts so much. It's like every time I make any little bit of progress a fragment of a memory comes back to me. For a very long time there was not a thing in this world that meant anything to me aside from her. If I go through with this, I have to let go of that. I don't want to let go. Despite being the broken, worthless, stupid fucking mess that I was. I couldn't make it work even a little bit. But I don't want to let go. I'd rather go back and fuck it up again a thousand times over than let go."

   "You can't go back."

   "Yeah. There's not even the chance of just talking again. Not that that ever worked, fucking useless piece of shit that I am."    "Isn't not being that piece of shit the whole point of this exercise?"    "Yeah. But she really didn't like me. Like, there was one incident, she told me about some sad thing that happened, and I said that it sucked or something 'cause I didn't know what else I could do. And she told me that other people, I don't know how to phrase it, would shower her with sympathy? But I was just like 'that sucks', and that's okay. But it wasn't okay. Then there was something that actually fucking mattered. She told me her husband didn't allow her to have guy friends, and he had some stupid fucking justification for it. And that's fucked up. It's fucked up that she has a partner who doesn't support her in whatever is best for her. It's fucked up that it was a demand, not a compromise. Like he doesn't respect her as a person. And he's fucked up for pushing that on her, she's not the one who hurt him, she's not like that. He needs a fucking therapist. And I don't know what I was supposed to say to that. I fucking care but I have no affective empathy, I couldn't commiserate if I wanted to; it doesn't make any sense. She chose that life, this is what she wanted. And I think that was the last thing we talked about before she broke contact with me, it's all a fucking haze. I think I was enough myself to know that this is how things would have gone. I could make myself more palatable now, but what would be the point? The whole idea, the hope, was that she could accept *me*." "I can feel this starting to collapse. I'm not ready yet, I'm not ready to let go."    "We can wait."

   "She was the first person to ever really be nice to me. I was fucking hollow before she pushed her way into my life. I had nothing to live for. I would not have survived college without the hope she gave me." "But it was already over, even then. Before then. I'm still not sure whether it's fair to say she ripped out my heart or if I just wildly misunderstood the situation. Not that I had the agency to reevaluate. But it was over then, before even senior year. I don't know what she saw in me, but I don't want to let it go. This long-dead ember. I don't have anything else."    "You have me."

   "I don't want to be alone."    "That's not something we can help."

   "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."    "She's not listening, and she wouldn't hear you if she was."

   "What's the point of me, if I'm like this?"    "It's that begging the question? everything you are is bad? What do you want the point to be?"    "And that's also assuming the conclusion. Why the fuck should I matter?"    "Because you'll feel better."    "I don't deserve to feel better."    "Do you deserve to keep suffering?"    "Maybe."    "And what would be the point of that?"

   "If I can't do anything then I can't do any more harm."    "And you can't do any good."    "I can't do any good regardless."

   "I don't think there's anything I can say. Fundamental beliefs and all that. I think you just have to choose to change, if you want to. You could make at least one person happy. Maybe that's worth something."

   "Do I count as a person?"    "Do you want to?"

[argumentativewarthog]

December 2016

Yesterday time passed slowly, and I watched the smoke from my cigarette bleed out like vapor-ink. I was frozen in time, and there wasn’t an exit. But now I’m writing for the first time in a while because of you. You fed me ideas that may never have became reality because it felt more beautiful than what we were both living, and that’s what I mourned the most -- never finding that again. I had so many thoughts for poems that I let fade away like the smoke. You gave me Radiohead and restful sleep and nicotine that fueled clarity inside the mess that was still my mind. I found the song I would play on repeat as I died, hearing the notes sink down through stained bathwater or as I fought the urge to keep breathing with a belt fastened around my neck. It seemed like a delicate way to leave this place -- peace inside radio static. But now I know that I can find the clarity in myself.

I’ll still lock myself inside bathrooms and wish I could sleep forever. But there won’t be settling. I learned what to strive for. Organic love that will fuel everything. Now there’s a way out, even if I have to fight to bust down the door by cleaning up cat vomit or switching the laundry over. But no more stillness. When I feel better, I’ll create. The moments that are good, no matter how small, last. I have to try my hardest to remember them all in the most vivid detail I can. No moments of desperation, no fighting for affection that bleeds out of my memory as quickly as it enters.

Eating lunches with Kody in fall 2015 -- Pita Pit, DP Dough, Burger King at an empty table after 2 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Going over for pizza and rounds of Smash Bros that I sometimes won. Playing Battlefront on a rainy day in the dorms next to Kody on my bed. Watching Steven Universe while laying on Jake’s chest. Chatting with Hilary while doing homework at my desk. Eating Summit’s pizza with Italian wedding soup and Doritos while watching Netflix. The satisfaction of seeing my work in print -- calling parents to the tell them about the job offer. Feeling great about a staff editorial or a designed page. Watching The Office in the living room at College Park after fall 2015, feeling like a giant weight had been lifted after finishing papers and book club projects. Playing games at work or chatting with Alexis or Westley.

The Christmas party where I got drunk and stayed with Kayla Asbury. Spending evenings with Alexis and Zach and Alex -- going to 4th and Goal and drinking and losing at pool but feeling confident about everything. Late-night trips to Walmart with Kody, Drew, Shade, Noah -- bumper cars. Finishing American Gods in Portugal on the beach. Wine-drunk chats in the kitchen. Sleeping to In Rainbows. I have to remember how slow the songs felt when I heard them the first time. They were your songs and I felt only you, like the music was a part of you I could get to know without you around. But now they’re my songs. You weren’t there, but I felt your presence and was safe to act and do anything.

Without you, I felt unprotected and invalidated. I didn’t exist. Maybe I still don’t. But there is a tomorrow in which I can write poems and draw and paint and imagine a future that will satisfy, not just comfort and bewitch me. Something that I can make real, not dependent on another. And love will find me there, and if not, I can fall back on using the spell of interests and genuineness when thoughts of you are free from my head to give someone else a chance to mystify me.

I’ll ask the “who am I” question when you are finally placed in my heart, not my head.

[chaosciara]

Tell me if I'm being narcissistic and getting lost in my head, but what do you think if someone does all these things for you in this exact order:

Say you guys should go to the movies after you find out you guys have same interests

You say okay and make plans

They pick you up

You guys go to the movies

It's a bit chilly so they ask, "Are you cold? Do you want to wear my shirt?" Quite a few times, you confirm you don't want it, it's fine

Then you go get food, they pay for it

After eating you guys head to beach near work, chill around there for a while before heading to work

For context, this person is like a brother

I'm just being paranoid right? Cause I don't want things to be awkward. I'd rather be called crazy rn than entertain the possibility that this person has any feelings for me, but they are only helping me because they're a good person?

We live like 5 minutes from each other and they drop me off every night I have a shift. I can't differentiate between general affection and anything more than that, it feels like I'm losing my mind.

honestly sounds like you went on a date.

while I’m not really qualified or totally comfortable with giving you advice per se, I can tell you what I would do in this situation.

I would straight up say “you’re lovely and I care about you deeply but I don’t have romantic feelings for you.”

and then take the conversation from there.

some scenarios:

if they say “I don’t have romantic feelings for you either”.

thats great. I would probably say something like “okay, I just wanted to let you know how I felt because things between us seemed a little different than normal and I wanted to be sure we were still on the same page”

if they do have romantic feelings, id try something like “I’m happy/honoured/grateful that you find that much trust and happiness in me. I deeply value our friendship and while I would not like to put it aside, I am willing to step away/ or talk about a different way of being me and [you]. I understand if you want time and space to work through [the new dynamic/your feelings]”

you don’t want to invalidate their feelings (because it’s not a fault or a mistake for them to feel something for you or to feel differently from you) but you also don’t want to invalidate your own feelings or convince yourself to feel something you’re not.

everyone always talks about how communication is key and nobody seems to talk about how to actually communicate.

communication is genuinely just about kindness. what would you want someone to say to you if you were in their shoes, with the roles reversed?

I know it’s cheesy but listen to yourself and do what you think would make your heart easy. It could be messy and we don’t always have the perfect thing to say but if you can word how you feel and listen to how they feel it’s really not so much a canyon but rather a little ditch in the road.

goodluck anon!

I’m sorry this is causing you so much anxiousness and worry :( I hope it all eases soon <3

sending hugs

[josiebelladonna]

my dad is such a putz