#don't get her started on the pigeon problem too

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I am SO SORRY, but every time you talk about animalisms or dogisms my brain goes right to Roxy having to be on a leash any time they go out so she doesn’t poop in a neighbor’s grass.

SHE'S NOT THAT BAD LMAO

[ronance4everbrainrot]

Some moooore little incorrect quotes from Descendants! This is gonna be a long one, sorry not sorry.

(with ships)

Audrey: *kisses Uma*

Uma: !

Audrey: ...Did you steal my chapstick?

Uma: Did- did I what?

Audrey: My chapstick, Uma. Did you steal it?

Ben: Audrey, for the love of God, not this again.

Uma: I- No, I didn't steal your chapstick. We use the same chapstick.

Audrey: No, there is absolutely no way we use the same chapstick, because it was only sold on one Etsy shop two years ago and they discontinued it, and I loved it so much that I bought the last of their stock, and I keep it in my freezer so it doesn't go bad. It's been discontinued for three years. No one uses the same chapstick for three years. So unless you've been eating a whole fuck ton of something that's flavored like chocolate and popcorn, you absolutely stole my fucking chapstick.

Uma: Chocolate and popcorn?

Ben: Why do you think it got discontinued?

(WHY IS THERE NO YELLOW! I DON'T WANT TO MAKE BEN BLUE! I ALREADY HAVE SO MANY BLUE ONES! Also slay and wtf? What a great start)

---

Ben: Do you think I'm plastic?

Audrey: No.

Ben: Phew. Oka-

Audrey: Plastic, at least, has some use in life. You're not plastic.

(Damn. What did he do to yo-..oh.. right.. yeah. I've also decided to make him Orange because it's close to yellow)

---

Ben: War is heck!

(facts)

---

Chad, to Ben: If my dad doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.

Charming, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

(Absolutely. Canon)

---

Audrey: God, if only someone loved me…

Uma: *standing behind them with roses*

Ben: *holding box of chocolates*

Chad: *has balloons and a card*

Mal: *facepalms* This is sad.

(Me: *holding a big Teddy Bear* lol I had a crush on her only in the Third movie. Loved her Queen of Mean Era)

---

Chloe: So, what is Red to you?

Maddox: The reason I wake up every morning.

Chloe: ...That’s adorable.

Red earlier that morning, barging into Maddox's room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

(They've got this sibling bond)

---

Chloe: Are pigeons drones?

Chad: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.

Chloe: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!

Chad: *Crying* Please let me sleep...

(Sibling sleepover. Also Chloe, your Mary Anne is showing)

---

Red: I intend to stay pissed at you forever.

Red: Even if I seem helpful.

Maddox: Then you're in luck.

Maddox: Because you don't.

(Canon)

---

Uma: Hello all, it is I, your favorite person.

Carlos: Actually, Jane is my favourite.

Uma: Okay then, it is I, that bitch.

(Yup and I love you. Carlos and Jane✨🫠)

---

Evie: I love making parties more interesting by telling strangers “I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here.”

(Sweet and dangerous. Perfect.)

---

Uma: Evie said its my turn with the brain cell.

Mal: Square up.

(lol. Canon.)

---

Uma: What starts with F and ends with Uck?

Chad: No it doesn't.

Jane: Firetruck!

Mal: FUCK!

(Mal speaks my mind. Jane is smart and Chad got the spirit. He's not wrong tho.)

---

Jay: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.

Carlos:

Jay:

Carlos: ...Please, go back to bed.

(Jay loves to annoy everyone. Mostly Mal.)

---

Carlos: I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Jane's phone number just by choosing random numbers.

(..why didn't you just ask? But also impressive)

---

Chad: What's the scariest horror movie you've ever watched?

Chloe: IT.

Dizzy: Annabelle.

Maddox: Paranormal Activity.

Red: High School Musical. All throughout high school I was scared that everyone was gonna randomly get up and start singing and dancing, and I would be the only one who doesn't know the words.

(Honestly just did this because Kylie was in the HSMTMTS. Honestly. They do that in Auradon too. So watch out)

---

Red: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!

Chloe: ...

Red: Oh, right. The lying.

(Has she ever lied to Chloe? I don't think so. But I find the quote funny)

---

Evie: A mouse!

Mal, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Jay, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Carlos, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Gil, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Harry: His name is Remi, dummy.

Evie: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

(um.. yeah.. you know what-)

Chloe: A mouse!

Dizzy, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you.

Celia, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal!

Maddox, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy.

Chad, gasping: It's Ratatouille!

Red: His name is Remi, dummy.

Chloe: ...I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window... what is wrong with you people.

(just some family time)

---

Chad: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them.

Red: That’s brilliant.

Chad: Thank you, Maddox.

(yeah)

---

Jay: Everyone has a toxic trait. Except Carlos, they’re perfect.

Carlos: Wrong! My toxic trait is how badly I want to domesticate a raccoon.

(Facts. He is perfect)

---

Red: Hold the fuck up.

Chloe: Excuse me?

Red: I said hold the fuck up.

Chloe:

Red: I’m the fuck up, hold me.

(Aww...canon.. I mean she's not a fuck up. Maybe in her mother's eyes. But aww)

---

Jay: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Mal: What?

Jay: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that?

(Because she and Evie finally got together. UwU)

---

Evie: How do you tell someone their breath stinks?

Jay: Hey, I'm bored, let's drink mouthwash.

(He definitely did that with his teammates)

---

Jay: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Evie: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

(Oof. Do I want to know?)

---

(Little surprise from the past)

Charming: Care to give a free sample to a pretty person?

Ella, manning a bake sale and tired of their shit: Sure! You know one?

Charming:

Charming: Care to give a free sample to an ugly person?

(he's trying)

---

Brigdet: I have a question.

Ella: Shoot.

Bridget: Is the S or C in scent silent?

Hook: Fuck you, I’m going to be thinking about this all day.

Ella: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I’m gonna say the S is silent.

Bridget: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way.

Hook: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.

Morgie: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound.

Hook: Morgie is not allowed to talk anymore.

(Just them having a double date)

---

Bridget: Made you all playlists!

Bridget: Hades and Maleficent, yours have only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.

Bridget: Ella and Uliana, yours have sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.

Bridget: Charming, Morgie and Hook have the ABBA Gold album.

(she knows them well)

---

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*

Ella: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.

Everyone:

Bridget: ...I did. I broke it.

Ella: No. No you didn't. Uliana?

Uliana: Don't look at me. Look at Morgie.

Morgie: What?! I didn't break it.

Uliana: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

Morgie: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Uliana: Suspicious.

Morgie: No, it's not!

Hook: If it matters, probably not, but Maleficent was the last one to use it.

Maleficent: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!

Hook: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Maleficent: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, James!

Bridget: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Ella.

Ella: No! Who broke it!?

Everyone:

Hook: Ella... Hades has been awfully quiet.

Hades: rEALLY?!

*Everyone starts arguing*

Ella, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.

Ella: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.

Ella:

Ella: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

(Damn Ella)

---

Bridget: It’s just that lollipop sticks last longer than the head, even if they’re less flavorful. I’m thinking of paper sticks, because you can peel off the layers with your teeth or leave it there until they fall off naturally, but plastic sticks can be chewed on too or left sticking out like a cigarette. Paper straws can be eaten layer by layer over time though, so they have the edge.

Morgie, bored: Can’t we just leave while they’re distracted?

Ella, genuinely interested: But what about wooden sticks?

Morgie: I hate you.

(No. It doesn't taste good and it's flaky? I don't like the paper ones. I like the plastic ones. Love to chew on them, tastes neutral ig idk. Wooden sticks tho. Taste great. And you can chew on them. But they break easily and you could get a splinter I think? But still Wooden wins for me. Plastic second and then paper)

---

Hope you liked it!

This was a bit longer.

Sorry not sorry.

Byeee.

[kaciebello]

Pigeon ball invitation

Masterlist Badger express ★ Blaise Zabini x Hufflepuff! reader (fem) Summary: Teaching Hufflepuff how to dance was not on Blasies to-do list  Warnings: no use of y/n,  Authors note: Haiya! This is a sequel series to the whole delivery one. This one is gonna focus on the boys separately! hope you enjoy it! English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes beforehand. Proofread by me and me only (Ｔ▽Ｔ) word count: 1.1k Song: Box - NCT Dream

Blaise comes from a rich family. Yes, he knows their wealth comes from his mother's multiple husbands. But he was not going to spoil her fun. What was spoiling his however was attending all these balls and events.  And one thing he despised even more was dancing. That's why he was frustrated as we watched the Hufflepuff girl glide on the floor. His head hung low as he watched her trip over her own feet.

Why he even agreed to teach her is beyond him. Maybe she batted her eyelashes at him or promised him a free delivery service. He can't remember.

“How are you this bad? I've seen you balance on a flying broom.” He says rubbing his temples. The girl stops and looks at him with a pout. 

“That's easier.” She argues back.

“ How is balancing on a moving stick easier than moving around a solid ground.” She shrugs unable to answer him. 

Right now, she was contemplating her choice of a teacher. She could have asked any of the boys really, she just wasn't sure anyone could teach her ballroom dancing but Blaise.

“Okay, one more time. And please, try to remember the steps.” He says and waves his wand so that the music plays. The girl just sings and makes her to the dummy that has been her dancing partner for the past 30 minutes.

The first few steps are now engraved in her memory and she has no problem dancing that part. It's the twist that comes after, somehow she always manages to twist her feet together. Just as she did now, in panic she even managed to trip the dummy, making it fall. When Blaise heard the thud he did not even need to turn around.

The girl looks at him with an awkward smile. He wants to say something and express his frustration, but she cuts him off.

“Maybe if I was dancing with a human!” She hurls out before thinking. That stops him in his tracks, she's not wrong. Maybe if he has her dancing with someone she will be less likely to trip them and make them face the floor. Yes, it was like 99% she would, but not 100.

“Nobody is willing to risk their feet-”

“You could.”

“EH?” He stops in his tracks. Once again, she is right. It's starting to get on his nerves. He sighs and makes his way to her.

“Fine. But only once.” He says and the girl nods. He grabs one hand to his and places the other one on her waist. She smiles up at him, making it obvious she finally got what she wanted. Blaise just huffs.

“Don't look at your feet too much.” She looks up at him to argue but just nods when she sees his serious face. With a simple wave of his wrist, the music starts to play and they start to dance. As always the first few steps are done correctly and with no problem. 

He could see the girl was more nervous with every second they got closer to the twist. They got into positions and he listed his arms so she could twirl around. Her skirt flowed a bit. At the last second her feet tangled a bit, but Blaise was prepared. Not wanting to embrace her, and frankly not wanting to dance anymore he quickly stabled her by her waist and continued to dance. Giving her a mere second to comprehend what was happening before she had to follow his lead.

When he looked down he could see her smiling seemingly proud of herself. That prompted a smile on his face too. They continued dancing and when the song was nearing the end, he knew what he had to do.

on the last note, he stopped in his tracks and pulled her closer to her body. She did not even have time to react before he dipped her. Wide eyes met his leisurely smile.

“This was not in the original dance.” She says holding on to him for her dear life. She may be a witch but she is not immune to bruises. He just shrugs. Their faces were so close he could feel her talking before he heard it.

“I guess not.” With that, he straightens them up, but not letting her go just yet.  She just looks at him as he swings them in this makeshift hug.

“That was hard.” She whispers just enough for him to hear. He lets out a laugh that rings throughout the whole ballroom.

“Wait till you have to do in a dress and heels.” He says and takes a few steps away from her. She lets out a whine at his words. He once again laughs. Holding his hand out for her to take. He was well aware he said only once, but he hoped she did not register that and he could impress her more. She takes it, getting into positions again.

A coo is heard throughout the ballroom making them stop in their tracks. Suddenly from one of the open windows,  a dove comes down with a little paper wrapped around his leg.

“A pigeon?” he asks and the girl gives him a dirty look, before reaching into her pocket and giving the dove a treat while taking the note.

“A dove, I use them when someone can't reach me. Or when I need to deliver outside of school.” She explains making him look at her weirdly.

“We have owls?” He says and she just mumbles about it not being her style. An idea popped up in his head. He runs to his bag and quickly scribbles something on a piece of paper. He runs back and hands it to the girl. She looks at him confused and she just flashes his smile.

“I do have a free delivery, no?” he asks and she just sighs and nods taking the note from him. She goes to put it in her pocket but he stops her.

“I need it to reach my mom,” he says and her eyes just widen. Before she can ask he shooks his head and answers her.

“You have about the same foot size, she might have some shoes that would feel nice while dancing.” He says and her eyes widen again.

“How do you know this stuff?” She asks but ties the note to the dove before letting it fly away.

“God forbid man express an ounce of girlish whimsy.” He says rolling his eyes. Before extending his hand to her for another dance. She hesitates but takes it nonetheless.

“With no dipping?”

“With all the dipping honey.”

Taglist: @daisiesformylove , @klimovatereza-blog , @lafrone ,@enfppuff , @rafegfs , @frogtape , @lovelyygirl8 , @catiwinky, @anyam444 , @leeleecats , @ghostgardn , @reverse-soe , @ultramarinetovelvet , @iwishigotswallowed , @jazz-berry , @justatadbonkers , @partnerincrime0 , @schaebickel , @bunnyhopsstuff , @deluluassapocalypse

[kedreeva]

How would you rate peafowl in terms of intelligence, in general or socially? Any of your animals outstanding in that regard and where does Bug fall on the scale?

Honestly they have a huge range of intelligence and personality. They're GENERALLY smarter than chickens, not as smart as crows. They do have complex social hierarchies and rules, though, and violating the rules has consequences for social standing. Rude boys, for example, do not get the girls.

They also have long memories for some things- for example if you frighten or anger or hurt them, they remember that and they will likely not trust you again, if they don't outright try to chase you off. My dad once made a swipe at a nosy hen and she never forgot. She threatened to fight him every time she saw him after that. LOTS of people report that their birds can be caught 1 time by a bird net pole, and forever after they will bolt if they see it (and we have the same experience here, and I don't even have to have caught them personally if they even SEE me catch 1 bird with it, that's it. This is why I move them into a coop and turn off the lights to pick them up). I know people who have tried to solve berserker males problems by hitting their birds with brooms or sticks or spraying them with a hose, and what they find is that this makes it a thousand times worse because the male's understanding of the situation is only confirmed- you ARE a rival and you DO want to fight him. And since you (the intelligent human being who understands birds and money and probably a) like this bird and/or b) spent a lot of money on this bird) are unwilling to purposely cause severe injury or death to him, he will always hold a grudge and always think he has a chance to beat you.

They do have some amount of social learning, at least from my observations. When I taught Eris to use word buttons to ask for specific treats, Artemis learned without actually ever being taught. With 12 buttons on the board at the time, she removed the "treat" button and guarded it so she could tap it instead of Eris. More commonly, if one bird thinks a treat or other potential food item is yucky, they will start shaking their head no and clacking their beak the way they do when they taste something they hate, as if they took a bite and it tasted bad- but WITHOUT having actually touched the item. This triggers all the nearby birds to have a look, and they all start shaking their heads and clacking their beaks. Once one of them figures out how to do something - like get up onto the pigeon perch in the rafters they're not supposed to be on - the others will watch and learn how to do it, and start doing it, too. I just recently had to put an extra lock on the barn pen door, because I caught Wendy pulling our emergency latch release for dumbasses that lock themselves into the pen on accident, and the others were Watching to learn. Eris had to be moved out of that pen because she also learned how to let herself out of the pen that way.

Then you have birds like Callisto. Who will come over when you call for treats, and despite that the treat gets held right in front of her or dropped close by her, panics and can't find it to save her life, and you find yourself standing between her and the others to give Callisto enough time to look at the ground for the treat.

Or stan who, every morning, gets let out of the coop and walks calmly over to the fenced door between pens to be let out into the pen. Except the door is open.

So. It's a scale. it's a scale that slides between "mocking me with word buttons I taught her" and "repeatedly waits at an open door to be let out"

[floweredtatamis]

All his parts have been finished...

Some days ago I started working on @psychic-pigeons 's Chilchuck pattern and today is finally the day when I put him together. The pattern was actually really easy to follow and fun to do, and even when I struggled, psychic-pigeons was kind enough to take time out of his day to answer my questions kindly and clearly. I had so much fun I took a lot of pictures, that I'll be posting here! I changed a few things out of laziness, but overall I stuck with the pattern!

I started with the head and the arms and I had no problem, then went to the legs and body. I really like the shape of the feet, and the fact that they are a single piece together with legs and torso made it very sturdy. But one thing I couldn't get over was how fucking cute the little boots were... I played a lot with them, and I enjoyed putting them on and off maybe a bit too much.

I had some trouble with the shirt and thought of winging it and making a different one, but with pigeon's help I managed to finish the shirt and I'm glad I didn't change it... It's adorable... Something that I really like is that all clothes are actually clothes, and you can take them on and off. I had a lot of fun dressing and undressing my poor headless armless Chilchuck.

One thing I did differently (apart from the belt and pouch that I winged at the end) was the vest. If you know one thing about me is that I hate sewing, so I couldn't see myself making all the squares individually and then sewing them together... So I used the same tunisian crochet technique and diagram of the original to make two pieces and embroidered the panels on top afterwards. Here they both are on top of my dinner table together with plenty of breadcrumbs.

I dressed his body with the clothes and... Made the mistake of putting his shirt backwards... I corrected it and then... Put his vest backwards so I had to undress him again...

(I pinned the collar for a bit to make it stay flatter, but I removed them later)

I suck at embroidery, so I was very scared of doing the face. For how much I suck at it, I think it looks very good!

The hair I didn't take as many pictures, but imagine his head full of pins. I did the individual strands first before the "crown", and worked in sections making sure each one was dry and secure before taking the pins out and moving to the next part. I used liquid silicone.

And with that I sewed his head in and he was complete!

I had a lot of fun. The pattern is a delight and I learnt a lot throughout too. If you were on the fence of making your own, take this as a sign to do it! I love my little guy. My mum calls him her grandson.

Also don't forget to show support to @psychic-pigeons ! Making patterns is hard enough without considering writing them down and explaining them, and his pattern is in my opinion a 10/10. Thank you for the chance to make one as well!

Sadly my Chilchuck doesn't squeak, but maybe eventually I'll make him a hermit crab inside a box to sit on top of (eventually... This took me four days and my hands hurt).

[valiantstarlights]

Hob has ADHD and songs play in his head 24/7. Dream likes tuning in because it calms him down and makes him feel happy and grounded, having that small connection with Hob as he rebuilds The Dreaming and goes about Endless business.

(I'm headcanoning earworms as a weird type of daydream and very much within the scope of Dream's power.)

This could go in different directions.

Angst (with a Happy Ending): Hob and Death talk during That Time in the comics that I don't wanna talk about ever. Death tells Hob how Morpheus!Dream liked listening to the songs in Hob's head.

(In this AU), Morpheus!Dream chose to go to the Sunless Lands instead of retiring as a human. Hob tells Death that he's ready to accept her gift now, and if she could please guide him to wherever Morpheus!Dream is in her realm, because even in the afterlife, he wants to be with him. The Other Side by Ruelle is the last song that plays in Hob's head as he takes Death's hand, and the first song that Morpheus!Dream hears when they reunite.

Spicy: Because Hob has no control over what songs are being played, he doesn't even notice that lately, most of the songs (on repeat) are spicy. But it's not like it's a problem (for him), since earworms are mostly background noise to him by now.

However! Dream suffers because of the songs' suggestive lyrics. Is Hob trying to tell him something? Does he want to call Dream 'daddy' but is too shy to tell him face-to-face? Does he want to have a WAP in the Dreaming? Hob keeps thinking about this spicy instrumental music. Does he want Dream to make sweet, sweet love to him while it plays in the background?

Dream eventually snaps, because of course he does, and we all know what happens next. 😏

Crack: The chorus of The Fox (What Does the Fox Say?) by Ylvis is stuck in Hob's head for 10 days straight, and Dream is near tears because, "No, Hob, foxes do not say those things."

Fluff: Dream getting to listen to all the 20th and 21st century music he missed while he was imprisoned. Hob knows a lot of songs and has a really good memory for them.

Sometimes, when Hob gets frustrated because he doesn't remember how a certain tavern song from the 1500s starts, Dream reminds him. Sometimes, Dream even sings it for him. Hob is very heart eyes about it, no matter Dream's level of skill in singing. (It can either be very good since he's the Lord of Dreams, or very bad for the same reason he has a weird-ass laugh.)

Sometimes, Hob takes Dream's hand and they dance to the music currently on repeat in his head, especially if it's something slow and sweet. They dance whenever the mood strikes, wherever they currently are. At home, in the Inn, among the pigeons in the nearby park, and of course, in the Dreaming.

[frozenwolftemplar]

Waterloo, or Laundry Day Bonus Scene

I was responding to @mmaricarmen23 and @backofthepencil11 comments on 'Waterloo, or Laundry Day' and this popped into my head. To anyone who's interested, hope you enjoy!

"So Red, how's laundry day going?"

Carmen shrugged, leaning against the laundromat's street-facing window, watching a dog walker juggle the leashes of about half a dozen pooches. "Good. Laundromat's nice. Clean. Unlike that other one..."

"So I didn't check Yelp one time!" Player protested, Carmen chuckling at his indignance. "Besides, I thought island girls were used to big bugs."

"Big bugs that stayed outside." Carmen amended, holding up a finger as though to block the teasing accusation, never mind he couldn't see the gesture. "And anyway-" a smug note crept into her voice- "I think I handled them well." Admittedly, discovering the laundromat of the week had a roach problem hadn't been fun in the moment, but she at least had the satisfaction of saying she'd reacted with commendable cool-headedness.

"You shrieked."

In her defense, she'd only be off the Island for two weeks. Kneejerk reactions had been common.

"Anyway," Carmen said, tacitly admitting truce and changing subjects, eyes tracking a pigeon that alighted on the sidewalk once the dogs moved on. "Not really anything unusual. Except..." She paused and sketched a glance towards Shadowsan, studying the contents of the vending machine and debating if any of the brightly-packaged snacks constituted 'actual food' and continued in an undertone. "I don't think Shadowsan had ever done his own laundry before."

There was a pause.

"...Seriously?"

"I mean, he said he meant to wash his darks on the 'whites' setting but-"

She bit her lip as Player barked out a laugh. "And then what," he said, clearly holding onto composure tooth and nail. "Did he, like, forget soap or something?"

A cheshire grin wended across Carmen's face as she answered. "Yup."

Shadowsan glanced her way as Player's helpless laughter tumbled through the phone, eyes dark and more than a little abashed as he quickly deduced the subject of Carmen's conversation. She wiggled her fingers in an impish wave, unconcerned by the look he was leveling her with (not like he'd say anything to her so long as he needed someone to work the dryers).

"So, how did it end? Did he bleach his entire wardrobe?"

"I stepped in before he could do that." Idly shifting her weight so she was standing on one foot, she indulged in a chuckle as Shadowsan, with a long-suffering look, turned back to the vending machine and started slipping in quarters (huh, guess vending machines were immune to the 'fascinating' technological progress). "No harm done." Except his dignity, but he'd get over that.

"So...not like the first time you did your own laundry and messed up with the dryer and shrunk, like, everything."

The pigeon took rapid wing as Carmen choked on air and set her upraised foot down hard, catching herself clumsily against the glass. Shadowsan looked over again, and Carmen felt a flush flooding up her neck as he read her no doubt mortified expression correctly

"It was not everything!" She hissed as Shadowsan turned back to the vending machine, but not before she caught the silent laugh crinkling around his eyes.

"Fair point. Just all your shirts. And socks. You got antsy waiting around the motel until I could get some replacements shipped to you and said the room service lady kept looking at you weird because you were constantly wearing an overcoat indoors."

"Because I didn't have any shirts," Carmen muttered around the hand she'd plastered on her face. Crud, sometimes she really wished her team wasn't that good at reading her. Or remembered every embarrassing moment of her life. "Do you ever forget anything?"

"When it comes to you? Nope!" Player sounded entirely too cheerful of that fact.

"Lucky me."

[bloodgulchblog]

Okay. Alright. Here we fucking go again.

S2E4.

I already have one spoiler I'm completely unsurprised by, let's make it more.

I survive the LAST TIME ON HALO and my increasing desire to not be doing this right now, and am rewarded with one of this show's only endearing qualities: Vannak's ongoing animal guy personality trait. He gets to feed the pigeons for 2 seconds before the explosions start.

Cut to Perez and Jimmy Rings running through the streets while Perez yells about having to get back to her family and Jimmy yells about how they're gone, Perez! (Also sorry I'm going back to calling him Jimmy Rings because I hate having to distinguish him from actual Chief and might as well do it in the most ridiculous way possible.)

Then we immediately jump to Soren and Halsey in the funbox.

Did you know that one of my least favorite things TV shows do is cliffhanger on a situation that could've been interesting, then ~subvert your expectations~ by making it completely uninteresting and resolving nothing?

Yeah.

Gold star, no notes.

Then the power goes out.

Soren just kinda leaves because the security system's off. Bye!!!

Meanwhile again, Perez is very upset for obvious reasons and has a disagreement with Jimmy about what they should be doing. Jimmy wants to go back to FLEETCOM, while Perez wants to start warning everyone to evacuate RIGHT NOW.

Perez this isn't gonna work I'm sorry.

Anyway.

Suddenly Stealth Elite.

Sorry it's so hard to get caps of these guys, I think the sfx people don't want you to look at 'em too close.

On the bright side, Halsey leaving with Soren shows they do have a chance of unlocking the comedy duo power I believed in.

Back again.

They're really trying to speedrun some shit here.

Like, this is so close to being in character (even though it isn't quite) but the problem is that they want to have this character say so much shit when the guy they have been trying so badly to emulate doesn't open up and it feels unearned/not worked up to. The problem with trying to crack open a character like the actual Master Chief is that it requires a ton of space and focus on doing that, and this project is so full of subplots and has scrapped so much of its own first season that it has even LESS time to develop enough rapport for me to not feel like I'm being hit over the head. Like I get it, I write insane shit with Chief trying to figure out how to communicate with people after he's decided he might be okay with it, but this just doesn't work for me.

This could work, but it kinda came in from the factory pre-bungled.

Anyway.

Jimmy Rings walking around this random building they're escaping through while holding a fucking axe he found is so funny to me.

Speaking of the axe, it's apparently an antique!!! And this random building is a shop belonging to a British lady and, suddenly, we are going full WWII stiff-upper-lip blitz speech.

Fuck, hold on, I need another post for full effect-

[pinkpastels113]

How about bechloe meet cute

Ugh. Another day, another coffee run.

Beca clutches her phone to her ear with her shoulder as she pushes open the cafe door. "Uh huh, and he wants that foam thing on top too right?"

Theo on the other line sighs. He at least sounds just as tired. "Yep. And I think that's about it. Don't forget to get something for yourself too!"

"Duh," Beca responds, getting in line. It's surprisingly short on a Tuesday morning. "Already planning to." She tucks away her pen, staring down at the notebook in her hand with all the coffee drink orders from just about everyone in the office. That's what you do as a newly hire, she supposes, starting your day off with a coffee run. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like it; she's just grateful she got the job.

Theo says goodbye. Beca shoves her phone in her pocket, moving further up the line. She's so distracted with the music playing constantly in her mind and the thought of the people that she has to meet that day at work that she doesn't even notice when it is her turn at the counter.

"Ahem. Excuse me." Beca looks up, right into the eyes of the barista. "What can I get for you today?"

"Oh, right." Beca is already fumbling. She hates it when she runs into awkward situations like this. "Here." She pushes the notebook at (the name on the barista's apron says Aubrey) Aubrey, smiling nervously when Aubrey lets out a small breath through her nose. "Sorry, it's kind of a long list."

"It's fine," Aubrey says, short and clipped. She gives a tight smile. Beca watches her tap on her ordering screen. "Is this all?"

"Almost. Can I also get an Americano? For me." Beca fishes out the company card, slipping it onto the counter. "And charge everything on this, please."

When everything was said and done and placed into their drink carriers- and Beca finished with her two sugars in her black as her soul Americano- Beca reaches a new predicament. There is not enough space.

Apparently, there were some extra staff in the office that morning who collectively decided to come in early. That would be the only reason why Beca is currently playing Tetris at the moment with the three carriers, her bag, and her own drink, with her uncoordinated hands. She was just about to walk out the door praying that she doesn't drop everything on her feet when she very nearly bumps into someone rushing the other way.

"Oh shit," she says, swerving just out of reach. "My bad."

"Here," that person replies, voice warm and friendly, "Let me help you." They pick up the drink carrier balancing half on Beca's arm, lifting off the dangerous weight on her in such a way that finally allows the chance for Beca to look up.

And there's tumbling red hair. Bright blue eyes. A welcoming face and long elegant cream coat that screams a career as a teacher or something equally as professional.

"Do you need me to call an Uber or are you driving?"

Whoa. Super nice too. Beca blinks, mentally shaking her head. "Driving." This is not the right time for girlie attraction, damn it.

"Great!" She is already leading the way out. "I'll walk to you to your car."

Beca's still in a daze when she unlocks her car door and situates everything in their manageable spots. She's throwing her bag in the passenger seat and taking the last carrier from the redhead when she realizes she doesn't even know her name.

"Thanks for that, by the way. I'm Beca." She then shifts on her feet, hoping the redhead would get the hint. There's also a tiny bit of hoping that she would get to see her again. It is a small world after all.

"Chloe." She then gives Beca a hug, close enough to be thoughtful, but quick enough to not be creepy. "And no problem! Don't want you to put all of that to waste should it become pigeon food." Chloe winks at that last part. "Now off you go, and be careful with the red lights!"

"Yes ma'am." Beca salutes, rather gayly. She gets in the driver's seat, slams the car door, makes sure Chloe is safely in the coffee shop, yells for a solid thirty seconds, and then proceeds to get on her way to the production studio, radio blasting sappy pop songs the entire road there.

[berrypass-de-murdler]

2 - 1 The Detective Club Killer

It is real

Apologies if the break was shorter than one would have hoped but I am back into writing and very soon into designing

Can I randomly mention my joy when I figured out the term 'murdlers' is canon-

Now remember, please no spoilers, allusions to spoilers, or extra foreshadowing - Logico is just as in the dark right now as I am! It actually helps me write him better when I don't know what's going to happen. If you do read this please keep everything to current and past episodes!

Of course Goat Lord has entered his iconic purple outfit to match the book cover, so he will look like this for the time being. Cartoon Irratino changes his outfit for every book while everyone else looks exactly the same lol

DON'T READ THE EPISODES WITHOUT READING THE BOOKS!!

Deductive Logico lies awake in bed. He’s very cozy, but that’s not the point - his brain is a mess. He’s still staring at that letter that was nailed to the door. 

Inspector Irratino is up, writing.

IRRATINO: What’s up, bud. LOGICO: Nh… nothing. IRRATINO: It’s not nothing, you’re staring at that letter again. LOGICO: THEN WHY DID YOU ASK IF YOU ALREADY KNEW?

Jesus Gico, it’s barely into the first episode and you’re already screaming! 

IRRATINO: Just… let me see it.  LOGICO: No. IRRATINO: Please?

The goat takes the note. 

IRRATINO: Pff, Logico, this is just an occult incantation! I already know what it says. LOGICO: Of course you do.

“Dear Logico,

This is a single invitation to our Old Drakonian Holiday Party at my family mega-mansion in the Violet Isles. 

Here, we are safe from the ‘night-eater’ and the Red Government, but we have problems of our own, and we need your help. Please hurry!

Yours,

V”

LOGICO: V… Lady Violet, Deacon Verdigris, Vice President Mauve… IRRATINO: But… but… what about me? Why’s it just for you? [sigh] I’d really love to help them discover their dark secret… LOGICO: What dark secret? There’s no mention of a dark secret. IRRATINO: Oh there’s obviously a dark secret. There’s always a dark secret. I mean, ‘night-eater’?? Come on! LOGICO: All right, all right, I’ll admit it’s very suspicious. Now to bed for the both of us - we have a big day in the morning.

After a sleepless night of excitement, the boys head to Logico’s Detective Club. He’s invited his murderer friends over to tell them the news!

SAFFRON: Ohmygod Logico, that is SO AWESOME!! I’m so PROUD of my little guy! LOGICO: Not 'little guy'!

General Coffee has been coming to the club every day for coffee, since he was banned from his own shop.

COFFEE: The beans aren't as good as mine, but seeing Logico is a treat. LOGICO: I don’t… like that-

And Grandmaster Rose is also there!

ROSE: They’ve got me! LOGICO: Who’s got you? ROSE: My opponent! They started with the Grob! LOGICO: …

Irratino is jumping around, as he always is.

IRRATINO: I’m so happy for us! We get to solve a new mystery! LOGICO: Don’t get too excited. I’m detecting a lot of new trauma and plenty more suffering is going to come our way. IRRATINO: WOW, Logico! Do you always have this mindset??

Anyway, Coffee takes a break from his brews to check out the printing press. He seems to be rolling out a book.

COFFEE: I was so inspired by your Bookie award, I’m aiming for one myself! LOGICO: Okay… what’s the book about? COFFEE: It’s called Of Beans and Bombs - it’s about coffee and war! LOGICO: I… could have guessed as much... Wait wait wait a second. Shouldn’t there have been a murder by n-

Now a club member is dead!

LOGICO: There we go. IRRATINO: Gotta get your kicks in before the story even starts, huh. LOGICO: Whodunit? SAFFRON: Oooh, can I help you solve the case? LOGICO: No, you’re a suspect!

Logico snoops around. Coffee seems content enough, he’s just reading Murdle (product placement, wink wink!). Rose is still playing chess, because what else would he possibly be doing. Saffron is on the roof to find her own clues, examining a pigeon with a magnifying glass very thoroughly.

SAFFRON: I know he did it!

Irratino distracts everyone by taking their horoscope while Logico gathers info. 

LOGICO: Alright, all suspects to the roof please. ROSE: Um… no… I… just want to stay down here and play chess. LOGICO: Seriously?  ROSE: Yes… please?

Logico takes a second look. Rose’s ‘opponent’ is a dead fish - obviously his murder weapon.

LOGICO: Rose, what the fuck- ROSE: No! This is all wrong. [fumes red] LOGICO: [dejected] What’s wrong with my deductions? ROSE: Well for one, I was supposed to get away with it!

Logico rolls his eye. He has nothing to say.

IRRATINO: Come on, let’s go on an adventure! LOGICO: All right… as long as you don’t word it like that.

The end!

I have to make a list of how many times there's a murder and Logico does nothing about the culprit in the end lmao

I'm very excited to be writing new stuff again <3 I hope this second series is not worse than the first-

The power of Goat Lord compels you!

See you next time murdlers!

[milarqui]

Scarlet Lady: The Mime

Directory | Zombizou

“So, there's only a little I know for sure, like Chat's feather allergy,” Marinette said, listening to Pollen's humming as they took care of their plants (feeling happy she had managed to pick that toy watering can and make it so Pollen could use it). “I can't be certain he's blonde with green eyes. I know Scarlet Lady is obsessed with her hair though.”

She rolled her eyes.

“I can tick off anyone who's been Akumatized for both–”

BAM!

“Hey, who you talking to?!”

“WAH!”

She had been so concentrated on her conversation that she hadn't heard Alya coming up the stairs – and now she had to come up with an excuse. At least, she knew that Pollen had managed to hide away in time.

She looked around, and saw her salvation.

“Uh, to Jacques!” she replied, pointing at the pigeon that was standing near the trapdoor. “Say hi Jacques!”

“Huh?”

… was the pigeon preening?

Talk about luck.

Now, time to talk about this surprise.

“I thought you'd come with Mylène for your dresses–”

“Nevermind that, look at this!” Alya interrupted, pulling her cellphone out of the pocket and starting a video.

It was the family they helped a couple of days before, after the mother ended up getting Akumatized because of problems with at work.

“Thank you, Marigold, Chat Noir,” she heard the mother say as her past self shook both her and her husband's hands.

“It's what we do!” she heard herself reply. Then the video switched to... Scarlet Lady.

“Scarlet Lady, a word, please!” one of the journalists asked, and she took note of Scarlet's face.

“Ew, you work for that cheap magazine, get away from me!” Scarlet replied. Par for the course.

But Alya was expecting an answer... and she didn't know what to say.

“O-oh, cool video, Alya,” she awkwardly replied, and Alya rolled her eyes.

“Ughhh, you don't get it!”

“No, I sure don't.” What was she missing here?

“Girl, this is important evidence for my Scarlet Lady exposé!” Alya proclaimed. “The real heroes helping civilians while Scarlet Lady barks at people?!”

Yeah, par for the course. But something was wrong.

“I thought you were exposing Hawkmoth,” she pointed out with a smirk.

“Hey, I can multitask!” Alya replied. “Don't forget, I run the Ladyblog, the school blog, your fashion blog, the blog about Markov–!”

She snapped her fingers, as if she had just remembered something.

“Wait right there, I gotta make a post real quick!”

Marinette wondered if they should have an intervention with Alya. Pollen came out from behind her.

“Well, I guess this video's important to her,” she said, as Pollen looked with curiosity.

“May I see, My Queen?”

“Sure–” she said as she moved to restart the video – but then the wind blew too hard, throwing her hair over her eyes and a few leaves as well.

“UGH!”

“PLEH!”

She had touched the phone with her eyes closed, but maybe –

“Video deleted.”

She looked down at the cellphone in horror. This couldn't get–

“Marinette! Your guests are here!”

Correction, this could get worse.

As she put the cellphone on the table, and looked into the horizon, she drew a conclusion.

“WELP, I'M DEAD.”

She... she had to go down. Face her doom.

…

Or maybe she could fix it...

----

She picked up the hat she had been working on, and turned to M. Haprèle, who had come with his daughter.

“What's the show called, M. Haprèle?” she asked, curious.

“It's–” the teacher started, but Mylène interrupted, eager to share.

“The Extraordinary Adventures of the Mime! Headlining the most talented actor and mime, my Dad!”

“Wow!” she replied. It really sounded impressive! She remembered the object in her hands and handed it over. “Here's your hat, M. Haprèle! I fixed the tear and added the pocket you asked for.”

“Merci, Marinette! I owe you one,” the man said, picking a photo of Mylène from his pocket and sliding it into the hat. “Thanks to you, I'll always have my lucky charm on me.”

“Aw, papa~” Mylène cooed, but the moment was interrupted by M. Haprèle's cellphone.

“Hello–?”

“WHERE ARE YOU?”

Wow, those were some lungs.

“Picking up my hat, I'm leaving right –”

“I NEED YOU HERE!”

“Y-Yes, Ma'am!”

----

Sarah hung up, huffing.

“So, what's the excuse this time?” she heard Chris ask from behind.

“Apparently, picking up his hat. Fred's an amazing actor, but he always has excuses for–”

“Being late? Sleeping in rehearsal? Missing parts of his costume?” Chris fired.

She sighed.

“Look, just be ready to take his place if he's a no-show, okay?” she said, and Chris nodded.

“Heheheh!”

She rolled her eyes in irritation.

“I can hear you, Chris,” she growled.

----

She was finally putting the last touches on Mylène's dress when Alya came up to them.

“Ah, I gotta go. I promised my mom I'd do some chores before the show,” she explained.

“Ah, wait!” Marinette said, rushing forward. “You, uh, didn't close your bag properly, silly!”

“Ah, whoops!” Alya replied, picking the other back she'd brought and zipping it up. “Thanks, M!”

“See ya tonight!” she sent back, and as soon as Alya was out, she pulled the phone from behind her back.

“Phew,” she whistled, happy that she'd have the chance to fix things.

Wait, wasn't she forgetting something?

“Marineeeeette.”

Oh, right.

Mylène.

Why couldn't things go right for once?

“You can't steal people's phones–” Mylène said, but she broke down.

“I know, I know that! But if I can't recover that video, Alya's gonna kill me!”

“She's not–” Mylène attempted to interrupt, but Marinette was on her catastrophe spiral and there was no way to stop her now.

“And then she won't be my friend anymore, and then the rest of you won't be my friend because no one was my friend before Alya came and drove Chloé away–”

Mylène felt shocked. In all her time as Marinette's classmate, she'd never realized how badly the girl had taken everything. Chloé had always been there as a looming presence, because for some reason she hated Marinette... and now she feared that she would lose them.

There was so much they had to do to make it up to her!

“And then I'll have to move to China to live with my great uncle to make friends who don't know what a loser I am–”

“Marinette!” She had to interrupt this nonsense! So she grabbed her hands off her face and smiled at her. “Let's ask Alix if Max taught her how to recover videos, before we start leaving the country.”

----

The Eiffel Tower was finally in sight (not that that meant much) when his phone rang again. Figuring it would be Sarah trying to make him come faster, he picked up.

“Hey, Sarah, I'm almost–”

“Actually it's Chris. The meeting spot changed to in front of the Louvre Pyramid.”

That was strange. Why such a sudden change?

“I mean, I'm almost at the Eiffel Tower, to be honest, I could just meet you–”

“Nope, no, gotta be the Louvre, see you soon!” Chris rushed, and hung up.

That was certainly strange. But, well, Chris was there, so it was probably right.

----

“Hey babes, did I leave my phone at your place?” Alya asked. “I can't find it anywhere.”

“O-Oh, yeah, it's right here on the kitchen counter, look at that!” Marinette answered.

She sighed, thankful.

“Cool, can you bring it to the show tonight?” she requested... and then she heard something weird. “Kinda sounds like you're on a bus.”

“Sure, no problem, see you later, byeeee!”

And Marinette hung up.

That was strange.

If she was in bus, why was she saying the phone was on the counter?

----

Sarah groaned as she watched the clock and no sign of her star actor.

“We can't wait anymore. Chris, you're up and Fred is out,” she told the understudy, who jumped off the bus where he had been relaxing.

“You can count on me!” Chris replied as he prepared. Sarah would have preferred Fred, because he was very good at what he did, but–

RING!

As she checked her cellphone, she realized she had spoken of the devil, for he was calling.

“Sarah? Where are you?”

“We left because you were late again!”

“Huh? But I'm at the new meeting spot!” Fred asked, confused. But Sarah wasn't going to cut him any slack.

“What new meeting spot?! I'm sick of your flakiness! Just–!” Sarah took a deep breath before she'd say something she'd regret. “Look, Chris is playing tonight, okay?! At least he's reliable!”

And she hung up before Fred could reply.

----

“Hmm, today's going to be a good day, I can tell,” Hawkmoth said as he released his Akuma.

This one seemed to be powerful.

----

As they reached the Louvre, Marinette was finally starting to calm down from her previous spiral, and Mylène was suggesting alternatives in case they couldn't find Alix or she just didn't have the skills they needed.

“We can also try a computer store–”

“Wait, what is that?!” Marinette suddenly said, pointing at a mime nearby – one that resembled M. Haprèle too much...

… and who was looking at the screens hanging from the outside of the Louvre, now showing the show that M. Haprèle should be in right now. And who made a motion as if cutting the air with a knife, and even though he carried nothing, Marinette actually heard the SHINK!

And then, all the screens shut off as multiple deep cuts crisscrossed it, and the pieces dropped to the ground, causing a great racket.

“AH!” a man shouted, shocked by the disaster.

Mylène was of another mind, though, for she had recognized the Akuma.

“PAPA?!”

It made her feel bad for having to ditch her friend but... if she wanted to stop this Akuma fast, it was the only option.

----

As the car made its way home, Adrien looked out of the window, completely disinterested in the stuff Nathalie was saying.

“Your father won't be joining you, Adrien,” she said, and he rolled his eyes.

“To the surprise of no one,” he added, sarcastically, before the Gorilla jumped and stepped on the brake with a screech.

“Hurry! Run to safety! I'll cover you!”

Marigold? He quickly rolled down the window on his side, and saw her there, windmilling her spinning top to act as a shield against what seemed to be the latest Akuma. He grinned: she was a great hero, indeed!

But then they crossed their gaze, and as he looked into her blue eyes, he remembered that thing.

That there was a high chance that this was Marinette.

----

They crossed their gaze, and as she looked into his green eyes, she remembered that thing.

That there was a high chance that this was Chat Noir.

----

So, as Marigold leaned down, so close that they could have kissed if they were just a bit closer, top rope still winding around, they shared an electrifying greeting.

“Hey~♥”

----

Mylène quickly approached the Akuma, worried, as he kept 'shooting rocks' with a 'slingshot' at cars passing by. She had to do something! Make him... stop being an Akuma.

“Papa, stop!” she cried out, catching the Akuma's attention. “Talk to me! What happened?!”

The Akuma turned to her... and smiled. He reached out with a hand and gently patted her in the head, but said nothing. Either he was committed to being a mime, or he just couldn't (the same way she had been unable to speak).

“Ah–!”

While it was nice to know that her father was still in there, it wasn't enough – she needed Chat Noir and Marigold!

----

“Starting the party without me, Honey Bee?”

Marigold turned and smiled at her partner. He must have been nearby, it hadn't taken him much longer than her to reach the place.

Then again, Adrien had been just there a minute ago or so...

“Hardly!” she replied.

“Let's see what he's got!” Chat Noir declared, and charged at the Akuma... only to be WHACK!ed in the face by something invisible as the Akuma waved a hand. “OW–!”

Marigold grimaced.

“Yeah, you won't be 'seeing' much of anything.”

----

Since the Akuma wasn't causing too much damage (and little to none to people), the two retreated to plan something out, since now they had to find a way to counter his ability to 'use' any tool or weapon out of thin air. However, with only the two of them, it would probably not be enough.

“Marigold, Chat Noir! Please, save my dad!”

“Mylène!” Chat Noir said as their classmate found them. Mylène quickly began to explain what she thought.

“When he left, his producer was upset, so something must've happened with his acting troupe, 'cuz he was otherwise happy.”

“Of course we'll save your dad, Mylène!” Marigold said, having had an idea of what to do.

“That's kind of our whole deal,” Chat Noir followed, knowing that his partner had come up with a plan.

“Now,” Marigold said, pointing with her right hand, “go hide in that alley and don't move for at least 10 minutes.”

Mylène blinked.

“O... kay?”

----

As soon as Mylène did as bid (even if she was quite confused as to why), Chat Noir pulled Marigold close to him, while she put an arm over his shoulders.

“Let's talk strategy, ma belle,” he said, putting his baton in vertical position.

Marigold let out a snort.

“Sure,” she replied, and Chat Noir extended his baton, going so far up that they were over the nearby buildings, with a good sighting of enough of the city, including the Champ de Mars and its iconic tower at one end of it.

“Our silent friend isn't very noticeable city wide,” Chat Noir began, as he held onto the baton with a hand and his feet, while Marigold hugged him to avoid falling, “so I don't bet on Scar showing up without a show.”

“Luckily, we can get all the help we need,” Marigold continued. “And it's clear Mylène adores her dad, so I'll get her some 'jewelry' while you protect the troupe bus... there!”

At the Eiffel Tower. Of course.

And Chat Noir grinned.

“Sounds like a plan!” he exclaimed, and began to lean with his baton in that direction – forgetting he was carrying a passenger.

“Wait, Chat, DON'T–!”

One that wasn't happy about him forgetting that.

----

Getting to Master Fu's parlor and back was easy, particularly with all the parkour she had learned to do in the course of the past months, and within ten minutes she was in the alley she had sent Mylène into.

“Oh good, you're still here,” she said as she used her top to descend from the roof.

“Marigold!” Mylène exclaimed, shocked at the unexpected appearance of the heroine.

“Mylène, do you want to help us save your dad?”

Mylène looked down for a moment.

“... Akumas have always scared me, ever since the beginning, but...” she looked up, and now Marigold saw that there was a fire in her eyes that hadn't been there before. “My Dad is more important than being scared!”

Marigold smiled.

“I knew you were brave, Mylène Haprèle,” she replied, pulling out the reason for her visit to Master Fu. “Which is why I'm giving you the Dog Miraculous of Adoration, which you will use for the greater good!”

Mylène's jaw dropped in shock, and as she shook her head she gingerly picked the jewelry box up and opened it.

“Woohoo, new holder!” the Dog Kwami cheered as she came out and looked upon Mylène. “Hi, I'm Barkk! This'll be so much fun!”

“Wah!” Mylène shouted, shocked once more.

“Whoa, hey, no 'fraidy cats here!” Barkk encouraged her, flying closer. “We're strong guard dogs that protect the pack!”

Mylène clenched her fists. The Kwami was right, this wasn't the time to be afraid!

“R–Right.”

“It'll be okay 'cuz I'll be with you the whole time!” Barkk continued, as she put on the collar that came in the box. “Now let's play ball!”

“Barkk, ON THE HUNT!”

----

The Mime was quite the good fighter even though he didn't have a weapon – or, rather, maybe it was because he didn't have a weapon: since the Akuma didn't have to deal with the weight, he could move faster, which was always a factor in a fight.

“Hngh! HAH!” he growled as he deflected several attacks made with what appeared to be an invisible sword.

“Back up is here, Chat Noir!” he heard a voice, and as he risked a look behind, she saw a short, blond girl with two large ponytails, a mask and nose with a distinctive pattern, and colors that made him think of her like a cute pet.

“Ah~! And you are...?”

“Call me Ultimutt!” the girl declared, smiling.

“Where's Marigold?” he asked, as he deflected yet another attack.

“Trying to stop the bus.”

----

“Sooo, M. Haprèle is targeting you, but we got this,” the heroine explained, and Sarah looked shocked.

“THAT'S FRED?!”

Chris looked outside, feeling a spark of shame: he knew too well what had caused this – just as the Akuma attacking the bus got smacked precisely against the window he was looking out of, and he got to see the evidence first-hand.

“Fred...?”

----

Outside the bus, Ultimutt had grabbed her Akumatized father's hand to keep him from falling off the bus. But then, he tried to attack her with something that sounded pointy, given the sound it made when it hit the bus metallic structure.

“AH!”

And, in the shock, she let go of the Akuma's hand, and he slipped off, hitting the ground and rolling around like a ragdoll.

“Sorry Papa,” she whispered.

But the Akuma recovered quickly and used his 'slingshot' again, hitting the bus on the side and causing it to careen out of control.

“Ahh!” the people in the bus yelled. Fortunately, Detective Chat Noir was on the case, and he quickly solved it by jumping to the front of the bus and extending his baton until it was large enough to get caught between two lamp posts, helping the bus driver to stop the vehicle.

Ultimutt quickly joined Chat Noir, as the Akuma began to swing something that, going by the move he was making, was probably some kind of large hammer.

“Here he comes!” Chat Noir warned, hoping Marigold would get everyone out of the bus quickly.

“I have an idea!” Ultimutt supplied. “A pretty out there one.”

Even though he had still been Akumatized, this was still her Papa – he had petted her earlier, after all! – and she knew him very well. Enough, that she knew there was one thing he'd be unable to resist.

She stepped in front of him and mimed a whistle while stopping him with the other hand.

The Akuma was shocked.

“Mime Off!” she challenged. She stepped back, and acted as if she was leaning on a counter and yawning, waiting for the shopping assistant to ring her up.

The Akuma smiled and answered by dribbling with a 'basketball' as Ultimutt swung a 'bat'.

Then Ultimutt winded up a 'baseball' and 'tossed' it at the Akuma–

“Oops!” she 'apologized' – she had 'accidentally' picked her ball weapon and had hit the Akuma's hat in the process!

With the Akuma aware that he'd been tricked, he went back into fighting, and Marigold was now the one facing him, in order to get the time they needed to finish the job.

“That does it for the set dressing,” Chat Noir said, as Ultimutt held her ball.

“Now we just need our prima donna for the curtain call.”

Chat Noir gave a dark grin as he summoned energy into his hand.

“Oh, I know how to get her attention.”

----

Lying under the sun, with a nice cup of refreshing juice in hand, and not a care in the world, was one of the best things in the world, and of course, given the nice weather today, she was indulging into it.

She thought she heard that mangy cat yowl something stupid, but it was probably just her mind.

Then she heard metal shrieking, and she turned to see that the Eiffel Tower was starting to slide off and falling.

“Ugh, this again? TIKKIIIII!”

----

Just as Scar landed, he knew the pain in the ass was angry about something. Did they just interrupt her busy schedule of doing nothing at all?

“What are you losers doing?! You ruined my relaxation time!” she shrieked, confirming his suspicions.

“Nice to see you too Scar. That's your cue, Ultimutt!” he shouted, and the new partner extended her hand.

“Fetch!”

And the Akuma's hat appeared on her hand without a warning.

And just as the Akuma realized it, there was Marigold with her stinger ready to hit.

“Venom.”

----

Somehow, Alya had managed to reach the Tower by the time the fight ended, and as Fred Haprèle recovered from his foray into Akumatization, she already had her camera filming everything.

“W–Where am I?” M. Haprèle asked, confused, as the ladybugs restored the statu quo.

“WOW, a new hero!” Alya exclaimed as she filmed Ultimutt giving M. Haprèle his hat back.

“It's okay now,” she gently said, ignoring Alya... well... hounding her.

“Do you two mind being interviewed for the Ladyblog?” she asked.

“FRED!”

M. Haprèle stood up as Chris arrived, clearly distressed and apologetic as he scratched the back of his head.

“This was all my fault,” he said. “I wanted to perform so badly that I lied about the meeting change. I'm so sorry.”

M. Haprèle didn't say anything – he just grasped Chris's hand, telling him it was all alright.

“Wow... what a forgiving guy!” Alya exclaimed, while Ultimutt smiled.

This was her Papa, alright!

----

As he took her hand for a dance turn, Chat Noir winked at her.

“You know, we could go to the show tonight, together.”

“O–ho? Are you saying you have tickets already, Chaton?” Marigold flirtatiously said, as his face turned into a shocked one. “If you're trying to figure out what I think you're trying to figure out... then I'm going to try to figure it out too. If you think you can.”

Chat Noir drew her closer, and gave her his best challenging smile.

“Then the race is on.”

----

Ultimutt came back to them so they could share their usual “Bien Joué!” fistbump, and as they did, Scarlet chose to ruin the mood.

“Where'd you get the poodle?”

“The same place I get every hero to pick up your slack,” she fired back. “From the distant land of None-Ya Business.”

----

Mylène ended her transformation, and Barkk popped out from the collar, just as she put it back into the box.

“Yay, that was fun!” the Kwami cheered up, while Mylène gave the box to Marigold. “Mylène is such a good dog!”

The girl picked up the Kwami and pulled her closer, so they could smoosh their faces against each other.

“Aw, you're a good dog!”

“No, you!”

“No, you!”

Marigold giggled at the sight.

“I don't know about being a good dog, but being a good actress certainly gave her a good sense of timing.”

Mylène looked at her in confusion.

“How'd you know I'm an actress?”

…

“WHOOP, THAT'S MY TIMER, TIME TO GO BARKK!” she quickly said, before she ended up messing up even more.

----

Mylène was all done telling them everything that happened with the heroes, when she was struck by an idea.

“Hey, we should go to the water park with the girls!” she suggested, and Marinette nodded.

“Sure!”

“Hey, Adrien!” Alya exclaimed, and Marinette turned to look at him. He was wearing a sleeveless green shirt that fit him quite nicely, along with jeans and a pendant that looked like a plane.

“Hey! I didn't know you were coming!” he greeted back, looking at them... and resting his eyes on her a bit more? “You all look great!”

“... you too,” she answered. However, while it was true he did look good, she had something else in mind.

Was this yet another clue that her friend was her Chat Noir?

Sadly, as she looked over at him, she didn't notice someone else was looking over at her – and with some very different ideas in mind...

----

The show was as good as expected, and they all had great fun with it, as they acknowledged as they left the scenario. As the group began to split to return to their homes, Alya remembered one thing.

“Oh, right, did you bring my phone–”

“I'm so sorry!” Marinette exclaimed, bowing. “I accidentally deleted your video and swiped your phone to save it but then the Akuma happened!”

Alya blinked a bit as she tried to decipher Marinette's motor-mouthed explanation, but then she realized what had happened.

“... girl, all my videos are automatically uploaded to my cloud, you didn't delete anything.”

“Huh?!” Marinette mumbled, shocked, and Alya shook her head at her friend once more doing her catastrophe spiraling. “Sooo, you're not mad?”

“I'm only upset you didn't tell me sooner and let yourself get sick with worry over nothing,” she replied, fondly exasperated with her best friend.

“Phew,” Marinette sighed. “Guess that means you don't need your surprise.”

“SURPRISE?!”

----

Marinette told her to wait for a while at the entrance hall of the theater while she made a call, and Alya was shaking as she pondered what her friend was planning. What kind of surprise had she intended to use to compensate her?

“Hello, Alya.”

She looked up, and saw a familiar figure walking down the large stairs in front of her.

“I believe I promised you an interview,” Marigold continued, smiling.

“No freaking way, for real?!” Alya exclaimed. If her bestie were here, she would have hugged the daylights out of her. “Marinette is the actual best! This is the best day ever!”

Jumping in excitement, she moved to the couches nearby and sat in one, and waited for Marigold to sit in the other one before she began her interview, cellphone in hand already filming everything.

“Okay, so, let's start with the new look! It came with a new power?”

“That's right,” Marigold answered. “I can't cleanse Akumas, but what it can do–”

----

Gorizilla

----

That's 209,906 words formed by 1132344 characters in 525 pages!

@zoe-oneesama Your story may be about to end, but this one's still got some time before it finishes as well! Hope you liked my writing as much as I liked your writing AND drawing AND designing!

We're a few chapters from the end of the story!

[thyandrawrites]

Love how the ant liberation guy gives a legit point to shoji about how he’s not giving any alternatives and he’s just yelling platitudes, and then KODA comes in and silences him with his freaking pigeons and is like “don’t criticize shoji he’s above critique 🥺🥺🥺🥺” and were supposed to cheer I guess

See, things like this are why I wish the kids had some character growth before entering this second war arc. Because with their current mindset, the points that the villains raise about the unfairness of their society that should prompt a conversation end up being insurmountable differences.

Like. It is a fact that their current society harms people on both sides. it doesn't matter that Shouji is a hero and Spinner a villain, cause both suffered from quirk prejudice. Just like how it doesn't matter that Shouto is a hero and Dabi a villain, because they both suffered child abuse. They have common ground. But Horikoshi never does anything with that, and instead keeps reducing it to a conflict between good and bad victims. Shouji and Shouto are "good" because they Plus Ultra'd out of their bad circumstances, found help, grew as people and started looking at the future with hope. Meanwhile, Spinner and Touya are "bad" because they persist in their path of violent rebellion and demands for justice.

All of them should have justice, but the way it's framed, the villains are the problem because they can't let things go like their hero counterparts, and somehow ignoring the issue is a good thing that makes everything better.

And what's frustrating about this is that it's not a flaw, per se, if the kids decide to cope with their trauma by forgiving and becoming part of a system that hurt them. That's their choice. The actual flaw is framing them like paragons of morality for what should be a personal choice. Like. They're free to deal with their abusers they way they most see fit, but they don't get to tell other victims that they cannot want justice. Yet that's what keeps happening. Over and over.

And what's so frustrating about this is that through all of this there are actual good points that should be discussed. Touya exposed how the blind faith in heroes as pillars of justice created a monster like Endvr, and what did heroes do? They blindly put faith in him again, hoping he would fix society for them. In much the same way, the problem of discrimination in the countryside needs addressing. People can't keep getting beaten and killed as we wait for the social climate to change. It's true enough that things can't shift overnight, and Shouji's right that they likely won't see the end of anti-mutant discrimination during their lifetimes, but that's also not an excuse to do nothing about it. There should be a middle ground somewhere.

But instead of reaching it, the argument gets shut off from the start with this tiresome "well you hurt my friends and I can't forgive you for that" attitude.

Guess what. The heroes killed Twice too. They literally hurt Toga's friend. And yet what did she do? She seeked out a hero kid for empathy and tried to have a dialogue with her. She tried to make Ochako understand that villains have people they care about too.

And what was the response? "Well you hurt people and I can't forgive you"

It's just. Ughhh. A pointless eye for an eye with no end in sight, and it's fairly telling that the people who are most willing to sit down and just talk here are the fucking villains because the heroes can't think with their own heads for five minutes

[attorneys-against-court-violence]

Unpopular opinion ask thingy - the AA fandom is pushing the familial bond between characters too hard. There are several other categories like mentor-mentee and easy going boss-employee, and to reduce so many to "theyr fambily :)" is ... for the lack of a better word, banal.

I'll have to agree on that one, especially in regards to the WAA.

There is a bit of a bias on my end - I do tend to enjoy found-family dynamics and some fandom interpretations are more reasonable than others (the odd way the Cykes and Blackquills are intertwined lends more credence to the idea, for example). It detracting from potentially more interesting dynamics (even if only because they're more unfamiliar to the more standard dynamics) is certainly a thing that bugs me though. A bit of nuance gets lost in translation when you slot it into cookie-cutter fandom dynamics.

The problem to me is moreso when the surface-level view of the dynamic takes precident is when things start to get boring. It's the same reason why I don't put all my eggs in one basket when it comes to character connections - pigeon-holing it into a single avenue can hide some of the details from you, turning it into a more basic fuzzy-wuzzy material.

Found-family can be nuanced and interesting too! Long as you can avoid crushing them down into something that's more immediately familiar/relatable/fuzzy, you can make something pretty neat out of it!

That's what I find most boring about it when applied to the WAA. Phoenix and Apollo have a complicated relationship (even with that one manga that shows that Phoenix views Apollo as one of his kids, Apollo DEFINITELY doesn't return the favour!). Athena and Phoenix see each other more positively, but a dad he not be. He's her employer & mentor, and a pretty damn good one to her at that. Is Phoenix calling her a friend in 5-5 not warm enough? The "WAA Kids" thing tends to over-simplify both of those things more than necessary.

More power to you if it's your thing!

[k7l4d4]

K Reviews and Rants: Miraculous Ladybug Season 5! Episode 16

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another day of my mind melting over this show's writing.

Now, there isn't a ton to say on Episode 16; it's honestly one of the more mediocre episodes, since it's main issues are that the entire plot is artificially constructed to revolve around Kagami once again believing Lila's lies and manipulations, despite having known that Lila is someone she can't trust and who likes to emotionally hurt her since "Oni-Chan." It could've been an interesting look of Kagami struggling to balance the impossible expectations her mother forces on her and breaking from the crippling loneliness those expectations instill in her... but that's the kind of plot we should've seen in SEASON 2, maybe Season 3 if you stretched it. It's just far too little too late to be trying something like this.

We also are given the apparent reveal that Gabe and Tomoe are angling to force their kids into a relationship... for some reason. We aren't given a reason why they want to do this, when this deal was reached, or why Adrien or Kagami never even KNEW about each other prior to this season. It comes out of nowhere, and while the concept of exploring the expectations of high society folks and how it impacts their kids in the form of arranged relationships, particularly in how it negatively impacts the relationships they would prefer to have, would be interesting... this was never hinted at before. It wasn't even alluded to. So why the hell are we only learning about this NOW?

Anyway, that's my reflection on this episode, keep reading for the review below. Thank you, and as always, please forgive any profanity on my part.

Episode 16: Protection 

Okay, it's Protection, and we get a scene of Kagami hanging out for Lila for some reason, despite having an established history of the girl lying, manipulating, and using her. Off to a "great" start. 

Lila talks about how she's Kagami's "best friend" which is BS... or maybe something about Marinette being Kagami's best friend, it's a bit hard to tell for me. 

Now it's a bit of unfunny commentary on HOW FUCKING LONG IT TOOK FOR MARINETTE AND ADRIEN TO GET TOGETHER by their classmates. No Astruc, trying to go "hey, we get it, don't we get it guys?" and be self-aware about the singularly most infuriating part of the show does not make it less insufferable. Wow, they nearly had a swear by Nathaniel. I gotta say, I was genuinely not expecting that. 

And Marinette's obsession for overly complicated plans has infected the entire class that they are going along with what amounts to getting Marinette and Adrien to kiss through a ridiculously overly complicated "romantic moment" involving a Ferris Wheel and trained pigeons, instead of just... telling them to kiss or letting them sort it out themselves. 

And Marinette hitting the nail on the head of how just trying to kiss someone you are too shy/awkward to say you love is ridiculously hard... Ugh. I just... the show trying to make a joke about how overly complicated the romantic plots in the show itself just falls apart because we KNOW they are gonna try and go through this anyway, and "self-awareness" is more than just mentioning the problems with something, it's also about growing past it, which the cast clearly HAS NOT DONE.

Saying a "kiss is a miracle cure for all your problems" genuinely disgusts me. It's such a reductive and deliberately idiotic take on romance that it offends me that the show is trying to make it's utterly terrible handling of any and all relationships INTO A FUCKING JOKE. 

...Why the FUCK are Adrien and Marinette's classmates treating Fairy Tale and fictional tropes regarding kissing as some kind of ironclad fact of reality? WHY!? I was about to go on an angry rant about how Marinette is talking sense about waiting for things to happen in their own time, when it clicked in that the writers are deliberately making her and Adrien's classmates/friends into strawmen as a way to shut up people who just wanted the relationship drama between Marinette and Adrien to just FUCKING END ALREADY!! So now I'm too pissed off to rant. Now my blood is fucking BOILING. 

And the plan immediately goes off the rail because Nino doesn't even know how to play the guitar. Oh, and the fact that Kitty Section's music is REALLY not romantic in the slightest in any way that would be conducive to making things go better, but yeah, they did Nino fucking dirty. The dude wants to be a DJ, he should be WELL AWARE of how hard it is to use ANY kind of fucking instrument, least of all one like a guitar!! 

Them making Marinette run off in tears while sad music plays REALLY DOESN'T WORK when they basically made the ENTIRE FUCKING PLAN as ridiculous as possible while making everyone act as if it going off without a hitch was a given. 

Okay, we get another case of the writers relying on stupid as hell Japanese stereotypes with Tomoe referring to Gabriel's heartbeat as "louder than a Taiko Drum." Oh, and something about a Diamond Ball, which I'm pretty sure is gonna be fucking stupid.

Okay, is Tomoe supposed to be blind or not? Because the writers are deliberately angling her head so she's directly facing Gabriel's arm as he unrolls his sleeve and exposes the Cataclysm injury (which she literally can't see, so he has no reason to be EXPOSING THE THING TO OPEN AIR!!). 

Adrien... no. Fuck that. Even discounting how sheltered you are, you CANNOT be this fucking stupid. You CANNOT be so stupid as to think Marinette's painful levels of awkwardness was "just the way she is, just part of her charm." Like, shit like THIS is why I just cannot get behind them as a couple on a personal level, because THAT is not a healthy attitude to have in a relationship!! That's the kind of attitude you have towards someone you barely know, not someone you apparently know well-enough to want to date. It says very bad things about their dynamics as a couple. 

Them acting as if Adrien just NOW learning about Marinette's emotional issues regarding him is supposed to make him more sympathetic falls apart when you stop and realize that the ONLY fucking reason it's this bad is the fact that they have artificially stretched out the reveal and stagnated Adrien and Marinette's relationship this entire time. You can't make this a touching moment because all it does is highlight just how mismatched the two ARE as a couple!! And now we get Tomoe overhearing a fragment of a conversation between Adrien and Kagami. THAT can't possibly backfire!!

Ugh... the creepy emphasis on "Made for each other" and "Just as planned" is so disgusting. 

NEITHER OF THEM ARE FUCKING PERFECT YOU IDIOTIC RICH TWITS!!!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!! 

NOW they get that Kagami and Adrien aren't together and Adrien was talking about his actual "girlfriend" Marinette. Also, the show pulling this "Tomoe and Gabriel arranged to have Kagami and Adrien get together" shit comes out of nowhere, and is just cringe-inducingly bad commentary on the 1%. It's disgusting. "You've changed Adrien" NO KAGAMI HE HAS NOT. 

The show going from a gentle, introspective moment of Adrien trying to do something sincerely thoughtful for Marinette to once again making Marinette's emotional and relationship problems as a fucking joke pisses me off. 

"You were supposed to control your son, Gabriel." "And you, your daughter!" Wow, parents of the year, these two are TOTALLY not toxic shitheads! Tomoe, Gabriel is DYING you don't need to fucking dance around it!!

Adrien, she's not perfect, and for FUCK'S SAKE, shit like THIS is why the show trying to act like Gabe is a good parent fucking piss me off!! He is actively trying to dictate Adrien's life and refuses to acknowledge him as a human fucking BEING instead of just as a dress-up doll!!! 

Why the fuck is Gabe calling Marinette, someone he once publicly acknowledged as a Designer when she was the undisputed winner of one of his fashion contests, mediocre? This literally comes out of nowhere for no other fucking purpose then for more relationship drama BS. 

Well, we have another Japanese Stereotype getting spit from Tomoe's mouth, and yet another case of the show denying the possibility that relationships can just end and feelings can change, or that love is more complicated then "yes or no." 

Adrien, the guy who literally broke out of his own house just so he could go to school, TWICE, acting as if his dad telling him he can't be with Marinette is some unshakable iron-clad rule. It's shit like this that makes the Senti reveal so utterly stupid. 

And of fucking COURSE Gabe never bothered to take back the ring that lets someone mind-control Adrien (never mind how their care be TWO fucking Amoks for him or whatever) from the woman who has stated more than once that she's not on his side anymore and has physically assaulted him in his own house (not that she's sincerely done anything to actually stop him of course).

Marinette finally employing a strategy to circumvent her overcomplication problems would be nicer if the show wasn't currently acting as if her just deciding "not to worry and take things as-is" is this miracle fix-it that makes all her problems simple and that she can just ignore all her issues is super infuriating. 

And here we go, NOW we get to see Irrational Marinette, in that she's literally refusing to change her pajamas because it'll "break the magic of the moment." Bull. Shit. 

Does... does she SERIOUSLY not remember how much of a strict hardass Adrien's dad is? She probably doesn't. Because plot. Fuck the plot. 

Okay, not gonna lie, Adrien changing into pajamas to make Marinette feel less self-conscious about her impulsive decision is oddly sweet. Too bad it's buried amid a mountain of shitty writing. 

NOW Gabe realizes the issue with letting the woman opposing him have the same mind-control powers as him. Ugh... it's really, REALLY fucking hard to sit through this because of just how stomach-churning the writing is. 

Kagami... where the fuck is "I think I've fallen in love with him again" coming from? Wait, trick question, mind-control rings. Fucking bullshit. 

Do. NOT. Bring up that "meant to be together" BULLSHIT!! No one is "meant to be together," THAT IS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS FUCKING WORK!!! 

Why the FUCK is Kagami trusting Lila on any level!? 

Gabe, you OF ALL FUCKING PEOPLE have no right to call anyone on being toxic!! 

Kagami, DO NOT FUCKING FALL FOR LILA'S BULLSHIT!! THIS IS LITERALLY THE SAME GIRL WHO WENT OUT OF HER WAY TO TAUNT YOU WITH A FAKED PHOTO OF HER AND ADRIEN!! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WHAT DID THE WRITERS DO WITH HER BRAINS!? 

Once again, Lila is a fucking PLOT DEVICE to enable bullshit because the writers ARE FUCKING HACKS WHO WOULDN'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE MEANINGFUL CONFLICT IF IT SLAPPED THEM ACROSS THE FACE WITH A FISH!!! 

Kagami... THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU LETTING YOUR EMOTIONS CLOUDING YOUR JUDGMENT, YOUR JUDGMENT WAS FAULTY TO START WITH IN BLINDLY TRUSTING LILA DESPITE HER HAVING USED AND MANIPULATED YOU TWICE ALREADY!!! 

And she immediately believes Lila's sob-story about being best friends all over again, OF FUCKING COURSE!! On the plus side, we get a hint that Gabriel is eventually gonna cut Lila loose. And with that, this fucking nightmare is over!!

[ota-division]

Taria's Thoughts on Niigata Division

Seiji Tsukimoto

"Great. Just great! Bad enough we had one cop joining this stupid tournmaent, but now we have the fuckin' Chief of Police in the mix too?! What the hell?! Are cops that fuckin' lazy that they can just join a rap battle?! Ugh!

Anyway, can't say I'm thrilled to see him strutting around in the rap battle scene. It’s one thing to deal with the police on the streets, but having them in the DRB? That’s a whole new level of meddling! And to make matters worse, my sister, Kira, is working with him, which I can't be too surprised about. She always did have a knack for keeping strange company.

I just hope she doesn't get caught up in whatever he's planning. The police have never been friends of mine, and I doubt this Seiji-guy is any different. But hey, if he steps out of line, he'll find out that not all battles can be won with a badge and a gun."

Lyall Shiba

"Lyall Shiba, the detective with a past that's more tabloid than textbook. Yeah, I've heard about him—hard not to when he's dating Kaoru, who's been my inside girl more times than I can count. Attractive? Sure, in that 'I've walked off a magazine cover and solved crimes by lunchtime' kind of way. But don't let the looks fool you; there's more to this guy than meets the eye.

We've crossed paths a few times, thanks to Kaoru. And while I'm not about to cozy up to a cop, Lyall's not your typical badge. He's got a streak of rebellion in him, and I can respect that. He's been through the wringer and come out the other side with his own brand of justice. Would I take a shot at him if he wasn't with the cops? Maybe, but not the kind you're thinking.

As for working with the police, well, I can't say I'm fuckin' thrilled, but I get it. We all have our battles to fight, and sometimes you gotta pick the side that lets you sleep at night. ...But for his sake, he better not do anything to hurt Kaoru. If he does, not even his cop buddies are gonna protect him when I get a hold of him."

Ayumu Hayami

"And last but not least, the paramedic. He’s not a cop, so he doesn't get the automatic side-eye from me, but that doesn’t mean he gets a free pass either. He's tight with the Chief, which means he's closer to the law than I'd like.

What's more, I've heard from Aranai over in Ueno that he has a thing for that nun whose on her team. ...Huh, a paramedic having a crush on a nun? What kinda nonsense is that? I'd thought religious figures would hate these guys cause its a science vs. religion thing or something. But anyway, if he likes that nun, well, that's his business. I’ve got no love for religion, but I’m not about to judge someone for who they fall for. As long as he’s not preaching at me or trying to convert me, we’re good.

Besides that, I've heard stories, you know? About how he saves lives, how he’s there when people are at their worst, offering a helping hand. That’s something even I can’t knock. Sure, he’s part of Valor Guard, and that puts him in the same boat as the rest of them. But saving lives is his game, and that’s noble, no matter how you slice it. Do I trust him? Not entirely—guilt by association and all that. But I respect what he does. As long as he keeps his nose clean and doesn’t start playing cop, we won’t have a problem."

Valor Guard

"Valor Guard, the second cop squad of the DRB. I reiterate what I said earlier: are cops that lazy that they can just join a rap tournament on a whim? Ugh!

Anyway, can't say I'm thrilled about having the Chief of Police and his detective buddy playing rappers. It's like watching a hawk join a flock of pigeons—just doesn't sit right with me. And Kira, my own sister, thinking about teaming up with them? That's a whole other level of complicated. I get it, she's got her reasons, but it’s not exactly a comforting thought.

Am I going to make trouble for them? Let's just say I’m not planning a welcome party. I've got my own way of doing things, and if they cross me, they'll wish they hadn't. But I'm not out to start a war. I'll give them a fair warning: stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of theirs. We’re all in this D.R.B. for our own reasons, and as long as they don't step on my toes, I'll keep my claws sheathed. ...For now."

[nerves-nebula]

I just saw from a post that you mentioned that your dad was Nigerian and I was just curious how you feel about being like Nigerian and if you actually feel like you're connected to the culture. Like you don't have to answer if you don't want to, it's just I was curious since I'm also Nigerian but I've never really left this godforsaken country(I say this both affectionately and with burning hostility)

Like did your dad ever like make an attempt to teach you your language or was he like my grandpa and just refuse to teach it to his kids😭

And if you've ever had Nigerian food what's your fave? (I dare you to say jollof rice🌚) mine is banga soup and white rice or ofada stew and white rice

Do you speak pigeon? Because if you do I'll definitely be speaking it to you in the anons from now on lol

And I totally agree about the beating being normalized in poc households😭. Your blog really helped me realize that my mom was kind of abusive (and I'm still kind of in denial about it) because over here it's so horrifying how normalized it is to beat your kids until they've turned black and blue.

I was talking to classmates and we were bonding over the fact our parents used to beat us with like wires, sticks, belts and stuff and how they overdid it alot of the time and made us scared shitless and one of them was literally telling me how she fell a glass cup and broke it and got some glass in her foot and she couldn't even tell her parents because she was too scared to get flogged so the babe performed surgery on her self with a DIRTY RUSTY razor at 10 yrs old💀.

And let me tell this convo wasn't even heavy, we were all laughing and joking about it and shit.

Then I asked them if they would ever beat their kids and these niggas said YESSS they were like if they never got beaten half to death as literal children they would have grown up to be bad ppl and I was floored like do you hear yourselves??? And when I said why beat your children like they're animals instead of treating them like little humans with developing minds that make mistakes and grow and these fools laughed at me and looked at me confused like I was speaking French to them😭 and I'm screaming jesus what a life😭😭😭😭

Only divine intervention can save Nigerians from this awful cycle of abuse(I'm not religious in any way). These goats need therapy😭😭😭😭

And have you heard the bs the government is pulling out of their asses over here with the money problem😭😭😭😭😭😭

Sorry if this is overwhelming, I just got really excited at the word Nigeria lol. I hate this stupid country and its stupid ppl so much but yet sometimes I'm filled with such overwhelming love for it and its stupid inhabitants. I'm the anon that went to that skating event and met a ton of queer ppl who respected my pronouns and stuff so these ppl are the only reason why I have hope for my dum dum country with it dum dum politicians

Sorry again for the rant😭😭😭😭

I just saw from a post that you mentioned that your dad was Nigerian and I was just curious how you feel about being like Nigerian and if you actually feel like you're connected to the culture.

ive never left America, so no. im sorry, i wish i was more connected to it a lot of the time but it just feels too late for that to me.

he never taught me his language either (Tiv) though he did speak it when he was around the house. but he wasnt around a lot. when i asked him why he didnt try to teach us he just shrugged like it wasn't a priority. he started staying in nigeria for most of the year only coming back for a few months every now and then so i probably wouldnt have picked it up even if he HAD tried.

I've never even called myself Nigerian, not because I don't want to be but because of the embarrassment of having to explain that yeah im Nigerian but... not really Nigerian. I wouldn't want to disappoint any REAL Nigerians by basically being raised as a white American kid and knowing nothing about Nigeria.

And if you've ever had Nigerian food what's your fave?

i've only ever had pounded yam and okra i think, it wasnt bad but it also apparently wasnt made properly. my mom would make it and my dad would be like "this isnt even real pounded yam what the hell is this" and then nothing would change the next time around haha. so i dont think i can say ive ever eaten Nigerian food, sorry. my oldest sister has tho, when she went to visit him. i hate spices though, they hurt too much, so i doubt I'd enjoy it. which i feel kinda bad about. but ive got a lot of issues about food, and being forced to eat food, so. yeah.

Do you speak pigeon? Because if you do I'll definitely be speaking it to you in the anons from now on lol

GOD I wish. i wish he'd taught us literally fucking anything.

now that most of us are adult-aged he's been asking us to come visit him in nigeria. he's clearly very lonely, but i dont want to be alone with him in a country where he controls everything about where i stay and what i do and what i eat (he doesnt understand my eating restrictions and it would be hellish to starve because of that)

two of my sisters have gone to visit him and it sounds like it was fucking AWFUL tbh. i'd go with them but not with him.

Then I asked them if they would ever beat their kids and these niggas said YESSS they were like if they never got beaten half to death as literal children they would have grown up to be bad ppl and I was floored like do you hear yourselves???

yeah this mindset is wild to me, cause if a kid is too young to understand why what they did is wrong then why are you beating them?? that wont help they literally don't understand?? and if they AREN'T too young to understand then explain it to them! People who beat their kids are just admitting they dont know how to solve problems or vent frustration without violence. And if they had control over the people around them, they would USE violence to force them to comply, but since they only have control over their kids they can only beat their kids.

Only divine intervention can save Nigerians from this awful cycle of abuse(I'm not religious in any way). These goats need therapy

my dad is the only Nigerian i really know, but from what I know about him this is very true. he's insanely traumatized from like, civil war stuff and his own shitty upbringing. but he doesn't really believe in mental health stuff so good luck telling him that!

And have you heard the bs the government is pulling out of their asses over here with the money problem

im not very caught up on the political situation over there, but from what my dads told me its not good. my dad is mostly interested in the education system though, its like his life's work and all he's ever wanted to was to be put in charge of it and get kids educated so they have opportunities like he did or something. idk. he thinks education is the key to making Nigeria better and i dont exactly disagree with his life mission but hey, I don't live there. what do i know.

he apparently helped get the current president elected in hopes that he'd be good, but it doesnt appear things are going well. Every time he'd come home when I was younger though, that was the main thing he talked about. Getting his guy elected.

he texted me a bit ago to say he'd met with the president multiple times and was feeling stressed out, but i dont wanna say more unless you end up tracking me or something haha. fun fact tho, he's apparently been almost assassinated at least twice. like maybe he's just super paranoid, but he KNOWS someone hired a guy to assassinate him at least once because that guy was his friend and came up to him one day like "yo watch out someone's trying to kill you lol" or something.

idk he told me that story when i was younger so maybe i have the details wrong.

I'm the anon that went to that skating event and met a ton of queer ppl who respected my pronouns and stuff so these ppl are the only reason why I have hope for my dum dum country with it dum dum politicians

ohh i remember you! what a coincidence haha.