#dont eat raw flour

[kcrossvine-art]

ahoy!! one more recipe and its the end of the summer season, it feels like it all went so fast- 1/4 of the way through this Redwall Cookbook project thing we've been doin. working on a small narrative game that also revolves around cooking! Who knows, maybe that'll be out before the halfway mark?  but- today- it is Guosim Shrew Shortbread!

(you can find the original recipe at the bottom if you’d like to follow along!)-

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to a Guosim Shrew Shortbread?” YOU MIGHT ASK

All-purpose flour

Salt

Unsalted butter

Superfine sugar

I think this would be a fun recipe for a baking competition between friends. Shortbread is notoriously fickle and it would be a great canvas for throwing bullshit into and seeing who vomits first. Blood sports but green. Call that grorts. 

Also dont eat raw flour.

AND, “what does Guosim Shrew Shortbread taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

It tastes like. It doesn’t really taste like anything????? Its got da texture of sand

Lightly sweet, i guess breadish flavor?

Sandy. Hurt if you have burnt top mouth (like me at the time)

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh its shortbread you could pair it with anything as long as theres some sort of moistness

SO, funny story, youre gonna love it, i was feeling unsure of my results and i asked my beautiful partner because ive never had shortbread before- um. I think i messed it up apparently its not supposed to taste like nothing and have the consistency of sand? i dont have enough butter to redo this at the moment. oppsie fucksie.

. used salted butter

. accidentally used one 9-inch pan instead of two 8-inch pans

. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So like. Like what *is* shortbread?

I believe shortbread is a small loaf-like cake with minimal flavoring, and apparently is supposed to be buttery/fluffy/flakey. dont eat raw flour. It does indeed sound very good and because of how late into the process i realized this mistake, everyone who reads this is personally invited to try this and report on how it goes or goesn't. 

It was probably the pan thing but theres also a chance, as there was a lot of chilled butter, that the butter melted too much during mixing.  Burnt butter cardboard mmmmmmmm.

It is Unjust to judge it when i have set it up unknowingly for failure. Like letting your child get a bike and sticking tacks in the wheels. I let you down, lil dude. It gets a ???/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.)

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

Pinch salt

1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, chilled and cubed

1/2 cup sugar, preferably superfine, plus additional for sprinkling

Method:

Preheat the oven to 325° F. Grease two 8-inch round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment or waxed paper.

In a mixing bowl, stir together the flour and salt. Add the butter and rub it into the flour with your fingers (alternately, pulse the dry ingredients and butter in a food processor) until the mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Add the sugar and knead lightly to mix.

Press half the dough evenly into each pan. Bake until firm and golden, about 45 minutes.

Sprinkle sugar over the warm shortbreads and cut each round into eight wedges. Let cool in the pans.

[reloaderror]

when i say i like dough i dont mean like cookie dough i mean the beige stuff with yeast in it

[thecherrygod]

ok one of the fun things about sorta being a picky eater is when you read a fanfic and one of the characters is making one of your most hated meals for the other as a romantic gesture

[bug-bites]

LET THEM COOK!

tw: none! just pure fluff :]

pairings: task force 141 x gn!reader (can be either platonic or romantic)

summary: cooking with tf-141 heacanons :3

characters: simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, john price, kyle "gaz" garrick, and gary "roach" sanderson

notes: first batch of headcanons yurrrr 🗣️‼️💯 (sorry if they're a bit ooc im abt to eep :P)

john price

he's a cook from the heart type of guy and it always turns out (surprisingly) really good

most of the recipes he has memorized are probably comfort meals or hangover cures

this man is so well meaning, standing behind you and helping you with every damn thing no matter how small the task. he does the thing where he holds your hand when you're chopping anything with a knife or stirring and guides you. it gets a bit overbearing but he's trying his to help

probably acts like you have never seen an oven/stovetop before and is constantly reminding you its hot as if thats not the whole point of it

he likes playing music while he cooks with you (most likely a shared playlist between the both of you) he likes humming along to it and he likes it even more when he can hear you hum along with him

the meal he defaults to making with you is probably chicken pot pie that tastes just like home

kyle "gaz" garrick

this man can BAKE. cake? muffins? cookies? he's got a recipe for it and you bet your ass its a damn good recipe.

he probably enjoys having the great british bake off in the background while he cooks

out of all the guys in TF-141, gaz is probably the one you should trust the most in there with you. when its the two of you in the kitchen not only do you get things done efficiently, it ends up being super fun with minimal chaos!

you definitely made each other those super cute lunchbox cakes for each other at one point

as much as he loves trying new recipes with you, making strawberry rhubarb pie from scratch with you is one he will always default to. he prefers his slice with a side of whipped cream <3

john "soap" mactavish

i dont think any of the guys are completely incompetent in the kitchen, when left alone in a kitchen soap could probably make a pretty good meal. emphasis on him alone in the kitchen

but when it is you two in the kitchen it will take a lot longer than expected or go to shit (but will still be edible!)

gets into flour fights with you even if the recipe doesn't call for any. he just grabs it out the pantry and WHAPOW it looks like the pillsbury dough boy just fucking exploded

he also keeps eating things he's not supposed to. raw cookie dough, batter, straight up flour, etc he probably took a bite or two for "taste testing purposes" of course. he's lucky he's got an iron stomach because if his immune system was even the tiniest bit weaker food poisoning would be beating his ass

one thing that you would enjoy making together would probably be crème brûlée. of course he get the honors of the little blowtorch part but you could get away with doing a few if you ask very nicely

gary "roach" sanderson

he takes the smaller tasks like chopping things up, washing fruits and veggies, or keeping the countertops organized and he does a really good job at whatever small task you give him

ask him to slice something up for you and trust they will be in the most perfect even slices you have ever seen in your life

if you're baking together he would love watching whatever delicious creation you made together rise in the oven. he likes just sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor, feeling the warmth radiating from the oven as he watches the baked goods cook. the first time he did this you didn't realize he was just sitting on the floor so you tripped over him

your go-to thing to make together is definitely chocolate chip cookies. roach likes putting small designs on top with chocolate chips like hearts, smiley faces, or just cuss words because he's silly like that

they come out really good but if you share with someone else make sure you don't hand them one that says "dick" in all capital letters

simon "ghost" riley

he has all the measurements with him and a scale to measure ingredients so you think he's precise and it will be all fine right? wrong. sure he measures his ingredients but if he goes over he probably doesn't try to fix it. ghost is the type of guy to shrug it off and adds it to the bowl anyways. to him measurements are suggestions

this bitch doesnt level his measuring cups

this usually goes well for cooking but for baking not so much

has forgotten to add in seasonings on a number of occasions so right before you put it in the oven you have to do a whole checklist to make sure that everything that should be in there is actually in there

favorite thing to make together is probably pesto pasta. most of it is measured by heart which he definitely appreciates and also less dishes to wash!

[guentzel]

you know what time it is

B always wanting to be by A’s side, no matter what they’re doing. + sidgeno pleathe

oho HO dont threaten me with a good cute time!!!

The dough yielded beneath Geno's hands as he gently rolled it into itself, occasionally adding flour when it still felt too sticky. He tried his best to concentrate on the feeling of it beneath his palms, instead of the too-hot body at his side.

Sid's chin rested against his shoulders, stubble brushing Geno's throat. Sid's hands rested against Geno's hips, gently stroking at his hip bones through his sweats. It might've made Geno hot under the collar if he wasn't fucked dry earlier that day. He was sore and used and wanted to just make his egg noodles in peace.

But it seemed Sid wasn't all too interested in that activity, as he was flaccid when his groin brushed against Geno's cheeks as he shifted. Warm fingers snuck their way under Geno's shirt, stroking at the skin.

"Sid," Geno huffed, kneading the dough into a ball. He definitely added too many eggs and not enough flour; he was going to have to work to get it right. He added some work flour to the top, then began to work it back in, his movement limited a bit by the man attached to his side. "Can't work when you hang on like that."

"Seems like you're doing just fine," Sid said, a pout in his voice, "Besides, I like being close to you."

"Like to eat?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Then get off."

"G," Sid's big nose brushed against the underside of Geno's jaw, "Come on."

"You just hang around all day!" Geno exclaimed, satisfied that the dough finally seemed to be at the right consistency. "Hang around, always there, not let me do anything in peace."

"Is it wrong for me to want to be around you? Be with you?"

In all honesty, Geno didn't think so, he found it cute, but some days, he needed a break. Today, Sid had fucked him awake, had clung to Geno all throughout breakfast, was practically on top of him during their workout, and they'd napped on the couch, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Of course not," he eventually said, "But want bad noodles?"

"No."

"Then sit," Geno nodded towards the opposite side of the island where their bar stools sat. "Sit and watch and can cuddle later."

Sid made a disgruntled noise deep in his throat, nuzzling against Geno's shoulder blade, before reluctantly slipping away, settling on the stool directly across from him. If he could, there was no doubt Sid would hook his foot around Geno's calf.

"If you won't let me cuddle you," Sid said, "Then I get to eat some raw noodles."

"Get sick that way."

Sid flashed a wide grin as Geno began to roll out the dough. "You'll just have to take care of me then, won't you?"

"Oh, I see. Won't give you attention now so you make yourself sick, so I'm have too. I see how is."

"You love me for it."

And unfortunately, he did.

[cg-saturn]

Can you do a post on snacks for little ones without a caregiver? Things kids can get themselves that dont require prep?

Easy Snacks for Littles without CGs!

Pre-packed snacks:

Goldfish

Animal Crackers

Scooby Snacks

Apple sauce

Mini cookie packs

Chocolate chip granola bars

Veggie sticks

Fruit cup

Cheese Stick

Teddy Grams

Trail mix

Baby carrots

Humus

Fruit roll-ups

Grapes

Yogurt

Seeds and nuts

Blueberries

Gushers

Strawberries

Cheese puffs

Dried fruit

Banana chips

Rice krispy treats

Juice boxes

Rice cakes

Rasberries

Mini muffins

Easy to make:

Please be careful when preparing some of these on your own! Some things involve heat or cutting, so please make sure you're big *enough* to properly handle what's needed, I don't want anybaby getting hurt!

Popcorn- be careful with the microwave or stove!

Cereal- be careful pouring kiddo!

"Ants on a Log"- celery or carrot sticks with peanut butter(a very delicious log), with raisins or chocolate chips across the top (those are the ants!)

Parfait - yogurt with granola, fruit peices (be careful if you need to cut them up!), granola, and any other yummy adds like chocolate or banana chips

Rice Krispy treats - if you don't want them prepackaged, you can buy a box of any type of crispy rice cereal, a stick of butter, and a bag of marshmallows (or two, if you're like my angel and eat them all before you can use them!). Be careful melting the butter with the marshmallow, and please let it cool down in the fridge for at least an hour before you enjoy your snack!

Penutbutter and jelly / fluff - please be super careful with any knives you use!

Mini bagles- watch out for the hot toaster / oven please! Use oven mits if you need to!!

Pizza rolls - be careful with the oven lil one!

Toast with fruit - please be careful using toaster/oven and knives!!

Waffles - please watch out for the hot toaster/oven buddy!

Oatmeal- you can make this in the microwave or on the stove, make sure you handle it carefully and blow blow blow before you take your first bite

Apple slices and peanut butter- be careful with the knife lil one!

Cookie dough - PLEASE DO NOT USE RAW EGGS OR FLOUR!!! There are tons of edible raw cookie dough recipes online, but please please pleaaaase do not eat raw flower or eggs, it can cause some serious tummy issues! Please be careful kiddo!

Cinnamon toast - I like to make my own cinnamon sugar, with a mix of half ground cinnamon and half white sugar! You can also buy pre-mixed cinnamon sugar, or make it with whatever the right cinnamon-sugar ratio for you is! Be careful of the oven/toaster and any knives used!

Please remember to be super duper careful if you're making snacks, and feel free to reblog with more easy ideas for kiddos who don't have a CG around to help out!

You deserve to be happy and healthy kiddos, please remember food is a friend and snacks are important to keep your energy up. These are (mostly) healthy and kid safe snacks, and I hope you get to enjoy these easy little foods sometime soon!

--

Dni: k!nk/nsfw, maps, terfs, homophobes, transphobes, anti-agere

[strawbs-screaming]

☆ WVBA Baking Headcanons ☆

omg WVBA baking together real...imagine this like a bake-off except everyones kitchen is really close & theyre all screaming at each other

Glass Joe

- originally his idea

- trying to extinguish any fires that happen

- accidentally put a fork in the oven

- makes really good cookies

- the best baker here other than piston hondo & bull

- "Aran stop eating the raw dough youre gonna get salmonella"

- "nuh uh"

- accidentally set the sink on fire

- hes basically playing fnaf the way he has to check everything

- the oven's screen broke so he has to check up on the cookies often

Von Kaiser

- keeps accidentally setting things on fire with his horrible baking skills

- "I SET THE COOKIES ON FIRE, MOVE!!"

- has to have a fire extinguisher by his side at all times

- cookies so burnt they qualify as rocks now, kaiser you had one job, ONE JOB.

- has to sob halfway through

- "kaiser are you okay??"

- "ja.." as hes hysterically sobbing

- dont let him go near an oven ever again

Disco Kid

- doing his best, some of the batch came out okay but the rest can be considered hate speech

- "wheres the flour?? Who took the flour??"

- "Maybe the true flour were the friends we made along the way"

- "give me my flour back Aran i gotta fucking bake"

- slipped while holding a tray of cookies, dramatically screamed "NOO!!" like he saw his house get burnt down or something

- he cant live laugh love out of this can he?

King Hippo

- eating the raw dough with Aran

- "This is gourmet dining, aran"

- "youre damn right"

- hes just making raw dough & eating it

- hes pretty sure he can stomach salmonella (he can actually)

- doing everything but baking

Piston Hondo

- look at him go, hes BAKING. HES SLAYING. unlike king hippo

- will smack your hand with the whisk if you try to eat the cookies before they cool down

- chasing Aran with said whisk

- "GET YOUR GRUBBY HANDS OFF THE COOKIE DOUGH, SALMONELLA MAN."

- "OKAY FINE"

- doing a decent job actually

- helping disco kid bake a new batch

Great Tiger

- Really good at managing stuff thanks to his clones, ones guarding his cookie dough from Aran, ones checking the oven and the others are checking in on the other boxers

- trying to help kaiser with his hellcookies

- has a seperate tray for cookie dough because he knows Aran is still gonna get to the cookie dough anyways

- "just take this tray of raw cookie dough and get out of my way"

- "hehehehe" Then he runs off like a evil gremlin with the cookie dough while cackling

- his ovens screen also broke

Bear Hugger

- tried to bake but ended up also eating his cookie dough

- had to bake another fresh batch

- added WAYYY too much sugar & butter along with chocolate, at this point they arent even cookies theyre diabetes discs

- baked another fresh batch for his squirrel friend with lots of nuts along with some big ones for the bears

- concerned for Arans stomach

- "are you sure your stomach is gonna handle that well"

- "yeah"

- "alright then" he had to hold Arans hair back while he threw up after that

Don Flamenco

- Decorating his cookies

- stealing piston hondos recipe (hes okay with that dont worry)

- his cookies look really pretty, his baking classes are paying off

- underbaked his cookies because he likes it that way

Aran Ryan

- eating all the raw cookie dough

- oh my fucking god the salmonella is gonna kick his ass (and it did end up kicking his ass)

- got really ill and had to be hospitalized, he has no regrets

- set the oven on fire (intentionally)

- getting bullied into the ground for having salmonella

Soda Popinski

- worst cookies ever

- tried to add soda to his cookies, ended up making a deadly weapon with it

- had to settle for dipping his cookies in soda, it tastes good to him

- his oven smells like soda & chocolate now

Bald Bull

- best cookies ever. Literally husband material

- has to smack peoples hands with a wooden spoon because they keep trying to steal his cookies

- "oh my fucking god, get your hands away from my cookies"

- everyone pretty much loves his cookies

- made some tea along with the cookies

Super Macho Man

- tried to bake his face onto the cookies, they ended up terrifying

- "damn this oven is a hater"

- "no youre just bad at baking"

- tried to put his hand in the oven to test the tempature, had to stop using that hand for a while

Mr Sandman

- Oh god oh fuck oh shit

- THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE

- hondo had to help him put out the fire since he was petrified

- traumatized

- oh no oh god someone help him hes gonna set the oven on fire again

- had to bake with piston hondo since hes awful at baking

[kamil-a]

RECIPIES!!!!

from Alice Archives - Green Book

1. BY PETER: foil-baked fish and mushrooms

Ingredients (2 servings)

Fish fillet - 2 pieces Onion - half Shiitake mushrooms - 2 of them Enoki mushroom - 1 Shimeji mushrooms - 1 pack Butter - about 10g Soy sauce/Ponzu sauce - An Appropriate Amount Salt - a little Pepper - a little

Slice the onion thinly. Cut the mushrooms into bite-sized pieces.

Spread out the aluminum foil and spread the onions across it. Put the fish and mushrooms and butter on top of it. Wrap the foil.

Put about 100cc of water in a frying pan. When steam comes out, put the wrapped foil in the frying pan and put the lid on.

Steam for 5-10 minutes on medium heat.

Add salt and pepper to taste, put on soy sauce or ponzu sauce, and its done!

2. BY BLOOD: tea scones

Ingredients (makes 8 scones):

Cake flour - 200g Baking powder - 1 tablespoon Butter 70g Black tea leaves (earl grey, darjeeling) - 1-2 tablespoons or 1-2 teabags Milk - 100cc Egg - 1 Sugar - 1-2 tablespoons Salt - a little

Mix the cake flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar. Mix thoroughly.

If the tea leaves are too big, crush it finely. mix with the mixture from 1

Mix the butter, egg, and milk. Little by little combine it with the mixture from step 2. Mix lightly, dont overmix!

Wrap in plastic wrap and let rest in the fridge for about 1 hour.

Roll out about 1-2cm thick. Cut to a suitable size or use a cookie cutter.

Put in the oven on 180C for about 10-20 minutes, watching it.

Put on as much jam, cream, and other toppings as you like.

3. BY JULIUS: COFFEE SCONES

Ingredients (Makes 8 scones):

Cake flour - 200g Baking powder - 1 tablespoon butter - 70g milk - about 80cc coffee - about 20cc sugar 1-2 tablespoons chocolate chips- 50g salt - a little

Mix the cake flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar. Mix thoroughly.

Mix the milk and the coffee, then mix that with the mixture from step 1.

Mix what you have from step 2 with the butter. Add chocolate chips. Dont overmix, mix it lightly. Wrap in plastic wrap and let rest in the fridge for about 1 hour.

Roll out about 1-2cm thick. Cut to a suitable size or use a cookie cutter.

Put in the oven on 180C for about 10-20 minutes, watching it. Your bittersweet coffee scones are ready!

4. BY ACE: Rabbit Stew

Ingredients (2 servings):

Meat of a white rabbit similar to Mister Peter - 1/2 rabbit Carrots - 2 White mushrooms - 10 Onion - 1 Dried herbs (bay leaf, basil, rosemary, thyme, etc) - a little Parsley - 2 tablespoons Salt - a little Garlic - 1 piece Red wine - 2 cups Olive oil - a little Pepper - a little Honey - half a tablespoon

Cut the rabbit into easy to eat pieces, submerging it in red wine. Let it rest in the fridge for 1 hour.

Julienne the carrots. Cut the onion, mushrooms, and garlic into thin slices. Dice the parsley.

Put the olive oil in a pan and fry the rabbit until brown. Add and saute the onion halfway through

Add the red wine, carrots, mushrooms, garlic, and dried herbs to the pot from step 3. add salt and pepper and stew on low heat for an hour.

When the meat and vegetables are tender, put them on a plate and sprinkle with parsley.

Add honey to the juice left in the pot and heat for 1-2 minutes

Put on the sauce from 6 and it's ready!

5. BY BORIS: Herb Grilled Salmon

Ingredients (2 servings):

salmon - 2 slices panko crumbs - 1 cup pepper - a little olive oil - 2 tablespoons dried herbs (bay leaf, basil, rosemary, thyme, etc) - a little

Pat the salmon dry, and sprinkle on the pepper and herbs. If the salmon is raw, sprinkle on salt, too.

Mix the panko crumbs and herbs. Put one teaspoon of the olive oil into your mixture to moisten it.

Coat the salmon in the panko crumbs from step two.

Heat up olive oil in a frying pan, then cook on medium heat until golden-brown on both sides.

It's recommended to put on as much lemon juice as you'd like. Enjoy!

6. BY PIERCE: Cheese In Blue Cheese

Ingredients (2 servings)

Your preferred cheese - 1 block Sauce: Blue cheese - 50 g Milk - 100cc Fresh cream (low-fat) - 100cc Pepper - just a bit

Mix blue cheese, milk and fresh cream on your stove. melt blue cheese while stirring

Add cheese and simmer. It will be ready in a reasonable amount of time!

*If you're a person who ISN'T Pierce, it's recommended to put the cheese sauce on spaghetti or gnocchi.

ORIGINALS:

[istherewifiinhell]

Carrot Pineapple Muffins

The recipe for the muffins seen here, well. Sort of anyway.

Recipe as written, on a page from maybe a website or book? I just have a photo copy I reprint as needed (read: as the paper falls victim to mishaps)

1 1/2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

2/3 cup salad oil

2 eggs

1 cup finely grated raw carrot

1/2 cup crushed pineapple with juice

1 tsp vanilla

Sift flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon and salt together in large bowl. Add oil, eggs, carrot, pineapple and vanilla.

Blend on low speed until all is moist, then beat for 2 minutes at medium speed. Half fill greased muffin tins and bake at 350 F for 25 minutes.

Makes 24 muffins. -Mrs. W. Atkins Agincourt, Ontario

Well thank u Mrs. Agincourt, the impact uve had on my life is not insubstantial. If you would like these muffins id def reccomend just making them as is...

however... u dont have a recipe in your life this long and Not Fuck With It.

Number One alteration that ive never NOT done (well maybe once by accident?) blend those pineapples. well it very well might be to ppls preference to have little morsels of pineapple in there. but a blended pineapple slurry just makes it like. applesauce muffins. just a nice moist texture throughout idk

Number 1.5 is u can make this a cake if u like. i guess thats obivious. BUT. Its good. i had this for many a birthday. ice that shit, normal buttercream please what is with the cream cheese obsession i dont know. do what u like but dont limit urself to expectation okay. Bakes into a nice really brown cake. U gotta bake this recipe like 'well done' if u want it to have any kind of structural intregrity so its kinda? crusty? i like it tho.

Number 2. ratios. in an impluse that im sure started in some healthy eating for the kids blah blah. but its just how i make it now. I tend to increase the pineapple and decrease the oil and use one egg? how much?? ehhhhhh..... like like a cup of pineapple. and 1/3 oil? does that math out? probably not idk. dont do it like how i do it maybe probably but thats how i do it

ALSO. MORE CINNAMON. Live deliciously. could go up to a tbsp of cinnamon honestly. Maybe even apple pie or chai spices. Could do whatever.

Number 3. definitional quibbles. "makes 24 muffins" whos muffins.... i find this tends to make me about 15 large muffins. maybe 16-18 if u want to be safe from over flow? and more if u want to fill em with a jam thing.

"finely grated carrot" using a grater with wholes less that like... idk half a centremeter gives me a bad time. u want like. chedder cheese size not parmesan.

oh also "salad oil" i use canola or vegatable. is that what it means by that? [makes i dunno noise] you could sub with various melted fats. there would be differences but not a big deal. butter or marg or coconut. whatever.

Number 4. Process. Oh mostly just I mix all the liquids together and then add them to the dry ingredients. (u could pop them all into blender together if u want) im mixing this shit by hand so u know. usuaully i do carrots a dry ingredient but that might not even be a good choice again ignore what im doing.

and again bake time. Ur really gonna want to check on them to to make sure their done. like toothpick check colour check whatever. their moist so its not a big like. over cook problem i think. AND i think theyre really good after sitting in the fridge or freezer and getting reheated (fresh baked goods are soooo tasty but a microwave is also a wonderful invention)

post thought. the jam. i dont usually fill these muffins usually i save that for applesauce ones, but i did last time. i tend to just heat whatever frozen berries, little lemon or lime juice. uhhhh maybe 1/4 cup of sugar? in a small sauce pan. how much fruit. ??? enough. i fill each muffin with like. a tablespoon. so idk. math that one out. needs to be a thick sauce! (however if its TOO thick then u also lose out on messy pick apart muffin treat. ur call) and chilled. if u wanna avoid Big Mess Muffin. lmao. u could swril the jam in or whatever else to but. effort.

[joshotime]

So you want to info dump huh? Alright then.

How do you think vessels work? Genuinely just your interpretation lay it on me my amigo.

OHH I LOVE THE VESSELS i have so much thought up of them!! I have quite a few things listed for em

First of all, not only are they all extremely light (even Hollow is quite light themselves) but their body temperature is constantly cold. Warmth for most vessels is something they dont really get to experience, but when given the opportunity like feeling the warmth of a fire, hot springs or another person its quite pleasant for them.

They also like nesting, so like instead of a bed they kinda just make these lil nests. Making em with usually sticks and hay and stuff if out of civilisation, but opting for blankets and other soft things if in some kind of house. An old instinct passed down by the Wyrm.

Surprisingly vessels can eat but dont really have a need to do so. Only ever needing to eat whenever shedding their shells since they kinda need the matter to create a new shell. But when as lil babies they dont have mouths due to having a really defensive and thick shell to protect them while young. So they opt to void tendrils coming out the eyes and scooping up whatever food they can find when they need to shed their shells and i mean they would eat anything, even like straight up raw flour.

When needing to shed theyre super groggy and have a strong instinct to consume literally everything they can find before falling comatose for a few days to give their body time to make a new shell

They do develop mouths usually after their first shedding though, making the process a lot easier for em. Though they also use their mouths as a tool sometime, biting things to open them and whatnot.

When it comes to growing, for vessels it can very much depend on the situation around them. Technically, Ghost and Hollow are the same age (due to practically all the vessels being born at once from one egg) but due to circumstances they look wildly different. Being able to adapt to whatever suits.

Ghost, living in the outskirts had to keep their tough protective shell they were born with. Opting for survival rather than a more sleek form built for power. They kept their small height to make it easier to rush away and hide, making them far too little and quick to really be worth wasting the energy to hunt down and eat them.

As for Hollow, the situation called for them to grow up far too fast and built to be not only sturdy but a strong fighter. Shedding their shell to such a large perfected form. Actually growing so fast that their baby she’ll immediately shedded past adolescent and into a young adult. And while this is extremely impressive at the time this push for perfection basically forced a cap on their potential.

If they had been given the opportunity to tale their time and not be so consumed by the stress to be perfect Hollow would of grown to be even more powerful than Pure Vessel, i mean look at Ghost, they were allowed to do their own thing and ended up killing gods.

But for Hollow? Pure Vessel is the strongest they’ll ever be, their power and potential only declining so very fast due to the whole situation. They will never be like Pure Vessel again, a consequence of growing far too fast in a both metaphorical and literal sense. Basically the equivalent of a prized/perfect child now suffering major burnout going into adulthood.

Sorry this kinda turned into a slight ramble about Hollow oops

[kcrossvine-art]

Heya folks! Its been a bit, food insecurity is a bitch, but today on the quest of cooking our way through Lord of the Rings we're gonna be making a dish exclusively mentioned in the 2007 MMO-

We will be making a Rohan Pasty! 

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes into a Rohans Pasty?” YOU MIGHT ASKBasics. Meat n potatoes of your meat-in-dough food. .

All-purpose flour

Salt

Baking powder

Vegetable oil

Olive oil

Ground beef

Garlic salt

Ground cumin

Chili powder

Dried oregano

Waxy potato

Garlic

White onion

Egg

"A delicious local pastry filled with beef and potatoes."- LOTRO Rohan is a kingdom of humans in middle-earth, and the description point towards a cornish pasty (yes, pasty not pastry). Oddly enough the image is more of an empanada but you win some you lose some. This heritage informs much of the shape and ingredients of this dish, however we're opting to cook most of the ingredients before adding them in, contrary to going in raw as a cornish pasty calls for. I chose to deviate here because cooking beforehand allows more seasoning to be crammed in. The english hate seasoning.

AND, “what does a Rohans Pasty taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASK

Tastes like the best pot pie youve had, less soggy

Excellent for an after-rugby/martial arts/soccer dinner

The potatoes are foundational

Despite needing the least work

Pasta salad (cucumber, olives, pepperocini) would pair well as a side

And would also pair well with beer

This meal bears the gold star sticker of not having any major issues! Hooray! Maybe its increased comfortability in the kitchen, or maybe its because of how very simple this one is. Chopped roasted bell pepper might be good in the filling in the future.

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Get the dough ready ahead of time- its mentioned in the recipe below but i also wanted to say a foreword here that it needs to sit in the fridge for a few hours. Just so ya dont get everything out and realise itd take too long for dinner tonight. Speaking of dough, i feel like it could have more flavor added to it. Its bland and although its not part of the tradition of the meal its based off of, cornish meat pasty, it might be nice to add some spices like cumin or black pepper to the flour. 

The meal reheats perfect- wrap in papertowl and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds per pasty.

When picking your potatoes make sure theyre "new" potatoes (baby ones) or whichever potato with the least amount of starch you can get. Its important for it to cook inside the pasty that it not have too much lest it get Mushy Bad.

Another thing about its real-life inspo; Cornish pastys were workers food, stuff you could carry into the mines, stuff thatd reheat well. You could hold the crust with your dirty hands and throw it away once you ate the rest. I always feel partial to these foods. Although I'd still eat the dirty crust.

This recipe earns a solid 8/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) 

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Dough Ingredients:

370g all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking powder

74g vegetable oil

240g warm water

Filling Ingredients:

2 tablespoons(ish) olive oil

1 pound ground beef

2 tablespoons tomato paste

Garlic salt to taste

Ground cumin to taste

Chili powder to taste

Dried oregano to taste

5 cloves garlic, minced

1 white onion, diced

Method:

Combine flour, salt and baking powder.

Add oil and water into mixer with dough hook running at medium speed. Mix for 1 minute, stopping several times to scrape the sides of the bowl.

When mixture comes together and begins to form a ball, decrease mixing speed to low. Continue to mix just until dough is smooth.

Take the dough ball, safely wrap it, and transfer to fridge. Let sit for at minimum 2 hours.

For the meat, get a large skillet, and add some olive oil over medium heat. Add the ground beef and garlic salt, cook until the beef is cooked completely.

Drain the beef and set aside.

In the same pan, add the garlic, onions, cumin, chili powder, oregano, and salt.

Cook until the onions are softened but not brown, 10 to 15 minutes. Re-add the beef and cook over low heat for about 5 more minutes.

Back to the dough, transfer dough from fridge to well-floured work surface. Roll into log and divide into 10 equal portions. 

Preheat oven to 350f.

Form each piece into a ball and flatten each with a rolling pin.

Add a layer of diced potatos down the middle of the pastys. Add the meat filling to each. Fold the sides of the dough up to seal on top in the middle.

Gently turn the pasty on its side and crimp the edge, alternating a braid pattern. Use knife to cut an "X" shaped slit in the top. Repeat for each pasty.

Place the pastys on a greased baking sheet. Lightly coat each pasty with an eggwash using a basting brush.

Cook for about 50 minutes, or until golden brown, and let cool!

[bizlybebo]

help me make my dinner. i dont habe chocolate chips :(

[ohpossuhm]

even the replies to a jellyfish post can be rage bait if youre a me and filled with rage all the time/lh

(very rambly btw)

if something is 95%water you process the water as water, the 5% thats protein is protein, aside from the water in a jellies body, its literally like, 99.99% protein.

watermelon is 92%water

and people just hating on it as a food rubs me the wrong way in general, given its significance in several asian countries. no one is eating only jellyfish for the rest of their life unless youre a sea turtle in which case even you will eat a few plastic bags as well.

even if its just a fun texture snack and they did have 0 nutritional value who gives a single fuck, you shouldnt demand no one eat it or try to discredit it as a food at all- and also also no ones forcing you to try it, if its not your thing thats fine, typically the species being eaten (probably not 100% i wouldnt know, im not claiming to be some expert im just a guy who reads articles and a book sometimes) arent endangered. and if whatever species theyre talking about is endangered then its a entirely seperate conversation needing to be had not the nutritional value or culinary value

so many of the responses just felt very ethnocentric, unwilling to look at these several cultures thatve been doing it for hundreds or thousands of years completely writing it off

theres so many different ways to eat jellyfish too, saw one person saying “put that in the oven itll just evaporate” well if you dont want that dont put it in the damn oven! i dunno jellyfish crisps sounds pretty fun tho- ive mostly seen/heard of it in stir fry or noodle or raw so idk what theyre on about.

like i get it, people dont like new things anf thats so incredibly fine, its just a problemmm when you try to recruit people to your opinion as morally or in this case i guess nutritionally superior? it was phrasd a little poorly so i would consider it a little moral too tbh- but instead try this “oh i dont like that but you might” or “im not interesting in trying that but i wont be making anyone feel like they shouldnt try it” personally i dont wanna eat bugs for the texture, but fuck id try it once, especially if the texture issue was removed via turning it into a burger or cricket flour and into bread

i would fuck up a cricket burger tbh i love burgers

read some thing a whiiile ago about mixing cricket and beef to make burgers and the tasters couldnt tell the difference until it was 20%beef 80%cricket- thats probably a way over simplification of whatever they actually tried- i also think it was not a scientific study just some people making burgers

bugs are more efficient protein in terms of production- ie i give yiu 10lbs of corn u give me 8 lbs of cricket OR just 1 lbs of cow

if we wanna talk about overlooked sources of protein,,, fucking;

bugs are where its at dude

but jellyfish are good too! everyone’s food doesnt have to look the same and id argue it really really shouldnt

i love burgers i would kill 1,000,000 crickets for a burger

[ainti-pretty]

please dont eat raw flour i dont wanna be sued by anyone bc they ate raw flour and have them to the stand and go: user @ainti-pretty told me to eat raw flour literally id die

[brainrotdotorg]

Is it weird to flat out refuse to eat anything past its best before date? Loke even milk on the day it expires I'm like 'nope'. My mom asked me to clean out the fridge today and lemme tell you. The ketchup expired last year and she got peeved at me for it and its like. IF IT EXPIRED A YEAR AGO CLEARLY IT IS NOT USED OFTEN ENOUGH TO MATTER. But yeah my fridge is essentially emptt now cause all of our condiments expired and I'm just wondering if it's weird that I don't trust food past the best before date. Cause I know it's mostly just for stores to sell before and mosr stuff is still perfectly fine to eat after that date but just on principle (principal?) I just can't bring myself to eat stuff that's past its best before date - HM anon, also cookie dough. That shits got raw eggs in it and uncooked flour is also bad like at least nowadays pillsbury sells dough that can be eaten safely raw but like the thing where people feel so compelled to eat the raw dough it's like ???? Ik I'm the weird one for that tho but eating raw cookie dough just icks me out

i dont think thats all that weird i am also similarly sensitive to expiration dates because you drink bad milk one time and that scares you straight for the rest of your life!!!!!!!! if its a year past its due date DONT FUCKING EAT IT why even roll the dice when you could just. get a new bottle of ketchup yknow .

[grandpaskitchen]

Hashbrowns

let's start on the simpler side! today, we're going over my favorite hashbrown recipe.

WHAT YOU'LL NEED:

- 4-5 russet potatoes

- 1 - 1.5 yellow or white onions

- about 1 cup of flour

- 2-3 eggs depending on taste

- about 1/4 cup of a neutral oil, like peanut, vegetable, or even olive oil if you dont mind the taste.

- salt

- pepper

- other seasonings (i'm a fan of garlic powder, cayenne, and paprika, but you can put whatever you like in!)

- large cheese grater

- skillet or frying pan

- large mixing bowl

STEPS

wash your potatoes and, with the largest side your cheese grater has, grate the potatoes. if you don't have a grater, you can just chop em up real small and even, but grating's faster.

put into a large bowl and wash the grated potatoes! (this takes out the starch and makes em taste better and stick together). rinse til the water runs clear, then squeeze the water out with your clean hands. transfer back to the now-empty and dry bowl.

chop your onions! you want them on the smaller side so they'll cook nicely.

add in the flour, eggs, and seasonings. you'll need a lot more salt than you think. mix with either a large spoon or your hands. if it seems too dry, add a little water! too wet, add more potatoes/flour. it's all to taste.

heat the oil in your saucepan. it's hot enough when water droplets make it hiss and spit.

carefully ladle/spoon in your potato mixture, then press it down til its your preferred thickness of hashbrown. i will say, though-- err on the side of too thin. crunchy hashbrowns are always nice, but raw hashbrowns are disgusting.

use a large spatula to flip, then keep flipping every few minutes until both sides are cooked enough. the first one will turn out badly-- that's normal. your skillet just wasn't hot enough and you flipped too soon, turn it up a bit and the next one will be fine.

put onto a plate and eat! i eat mine with louisiana hot sauce, but they taste just fine without it.

and there you have it! recipe finished. you may need more oil, or more flour, or less egg, but it all depends on the size of the potatoes and how you like your hashbrowns. the most important part is cooking them all the way through! you can also take out the onions, or add bacon pieces, or shallots, or whatever your heart desires. good luck and good cookin!