#each to their own but I personally couldn’t binge a new series without feeling super empty afterwards

[lagoonnebula6523]

Something I don’t think we talk about enough is how we watch Ghosts and how the existence of fandom and online discussions about the show impacts that.

When series 4 aired, I was surprised to discover that the morning of the release date of episode 1, the whole series was put on iPlayer. I understand that this is done so people who want to watch the show in one go are able to, and it lets people view at their own convenience, but it also removes people from the experience of watching a show as a fandom.

As someone who doesn’t like to blow all 6 episodes of a series I’ve waited a whole year for in one sitting, I end up having to cut myself off from twitter and tumblr for the duration of the show’s airing in order to avoid spoilers. While this is a nice break from social media, imagine a world where they didn’t dump all the episodes on streaming at once.

Imagine across the country everyone in the fandom sitting down to watch each episode together, discussing possibilities about the rest of the series and live tweeting as the show goes on. Imagine coming home from a long week and sitting down on a Friday knowing today is Ghosts day and messaging your mutuals about the episode just after it had finished.

It feels like in todays rushed society we’re getting more and more disconnected from one another and removing the experience of watching a TV show together as a fandom, and as a nation, is just another factor that contributes to this.

[itsclydebitches]

I am briefly pausing my normal RWBY content to talk about something completely different: Kang Soo-Jin. 

I binged True Beauty recently. As in, “I haven’t managed to watch anything new in half a year, discovered this drama, and promptly marathoned 14+ hours of content,” so to say I’m enjoying it is an understatement. I might do another post sometime about why I think the show works so well, but for now, like many (drama only) viewers, I’m specifically grappling with Soo-Jin’s descent into antagonist territory. At first I was just as shocked and disappointed as others seem to be, but upon reflection I don’t think this is badly written in the way many fans are claiming. To frame this as, “I can’t believe they would make wonderful Soo-Jin suddenly OOC and bully Ju-Kyung over a guy!” is ignoring core parts of her character. I’m as sick of the girl-hates-girl-over-guy plotline as the next viewer, but in the interest of acknowledging that there are exceptions to every rule, I think this is one of the times where that choice makes perfect sense. 

Soo-Jin has been abused throughout her life and I’m not simply talking about the fact that her father hits her. Though that’s obviously horrific, what I think is more pertinent to this conversation is the intense competitiveness her parents have instilled in her. The physical abuse comes about because Soo-Jin fails (in their eyes) to be the best, which is where Ju-Kyung comes in. The Soo-Jin we knew in earlier episodes wasn’t faking. She isn’t an inherently evil person who was just waiting for the right time to show her true colors. Rather, at the start of the story Ju-Kyung—crucially—was not in competition with Soo-Jin. Or rather, Soo-Jin did not perceive her as competition. She’s after the best grades in the school and Ju-Kyung is notoriously at the bottom of the class. All she has going for her are her (new) looks and her easy-going personality that makes her popular, two things that Soo-Jin isn’t interested in. Even if she were, those things already come naturally to her too. She’s already friends with Soo-A and, as is commented on multiple times, naturally beautiful without any makeup on. Soo-Jin has been taught—literally had it beaten into her—that she must be the best and in the beginning of the show she pretty much is: popular, mature, confident, smart… just not the smartest in her class. Ju-Kyung doesn’t threaten any of that, so friendship initially comes easily for Soo-Jin, the sort of friendship that allows her to chase perverts off busses or hide her friend’s real face. 

This changes once Soo-Jin’s “perfect” mask begins to slip. They’re heading towards college, she’s running out of time, and she still hasn’t managed to take the top spot in the class. Worse, she drops out of the top ten. This exacerbates the abuse to the point where, as we see, she’s constantly in the bathroom trying to cope by washing her hands. Any tiny deviation from that “perfection”  — like, say, leaving your tutoring session when you realize your lifelong friend just got devastating news — results in the sort of yelling/physical abuse she can only escape from via a locked door. While things get worse on her end, they get better on Ju-Jyung’s. Her grades go up some and she becomes even more popular, attracting not only school-wide attention, but the attention of the two hottest guys too, including Soo-Ho. For a while this is still fine from Soo-Jin’s perspective, but things really take a turn when Ju-Kyung changes Soo-Ho. Meaning, she helps him come out of his shell and teaches him how to be a kinder person… which includes being a better friend to Soo-Jin. The Soo-Ho who suddenly lies and announces that they have to go study just to get Soo-Jin away from her father’s insults, all of it stemming from a small tick he paid attention to, or comforting her while she sobs over the abuse… that Soo-Ho didn’t exist at the story’s start. He was too wrapped up in his own grief and has been that way for a long time. They may have known each other since childhood, but Soo-Jin and Soo-Ho don’t appear to be particularly close in the past—all Soo-Ho’s flashbacks are with Seo-Joon and Se-Yeon. But that starts to change once Soo-Ho himself changes. Soo-Jin’s ability to keep it together is unraveling, Soo-Ho is opening up and becoming more emotionally available (something Soo-Jin even comments on), then her whole class starts eagerly talking up how good they would be as a couple… so Soo-Jin sees a lifeline. Soo-Ho will care for her even when no one else will. Of course he will. She’s already seen him be that person multiple times. 

The problem is that Soo-Ho has his own life and his own problems to grapple with. Between grief over See-Yeon, panic over telling Ju-Kyung how he feels, and the initial rush of dating—what couple doesn’t want to spend all their time together at the start?—he doesn’t have much energy for Soo-Jin. Which from his perspective is fine. They don’t normally hang out together outside of study groups, so yeah, he can put off a conversation with her… not realizing that Soo-Jin is now putting all her emotional eggs in his basket. By the time her feelings are coming to light, Soo-Jin is actively sabotaging her own attempts to get attention and compassion from Soo-Jin. By manipulating them—here’s a new scrunchy to remind you that you’re my best friend and you can’t ever betray me, here I am showing up unannounced at your apartment and guilting you into not spending more time with me, etc.—Soo-Jin has put Soo-Ho (rightfully) on his guard. He’s wary of having a private conversation with her about something she won’t name when he knows Ju-Kyung has been a mess over losing her friendship. He has no desire to listen to her confession of love after she’s just tossed Ju-Kyung’s beloved necklace into the fire. In her efforts to ensure that Soo-Ho pays attention to her, she only succeeds in driving him away. 

All of which makes Ju-Kyung the enemy in her eyes. The new competition. To her mind, friendship and love cannot co-exist because Ju-Kyung stands in the way of that love, therefore one has got to go. (In contrast Seo-Joon, coming from a loving family, is in time better able to accept that he can be friends with Soo-Ho even though he likes Ju-Kyung. We can discuss the problems inherent in giving one plot to the girl and the other to the guy, but as they are, these characters have concrete, in-world reasons for their different reactions to what’s essentially the same situation.) And why does love (“love”) win out over friendship? Because Soo-Jin has latched onto Soo-Ho being her boyfriend as the way to finally “win” at life and fix all her problems. It’s fine if she’s not the best provided she’s dating the best, just look at how much Dad fawned over him. Second place academically is suddenly an option provided the top student is on her team, so to speak. The fact that Soo-Ho is also one of the most handsome, a great athlete, super rich, and one of the few people to provide her with feelings of safety certainly doesn’t hurt matters. And the only thing that stands in her way of securing this life-saving “win” is Ju-Kyung. Who is she? No one compared to Soo-Jin. Her grades are terrible. She’s not wealthy. She’s pretty… but oh, only with her makeup on. 

Soo-Jin doesn’t need makeup, so why not win this competition by showing the whole school—showing Soo-Ho—what a fraud Ju-Kyung is? 

From Soo-Jin’s perspective she’s done the math and come out on top. Everything that (supposedly) matters she either has equal to Ju-Kyung, or is superior, therefore it’s obvious that Soo-Ho would choose her in the end. She says at much: If I had confessed first you would have loved me first, so now that I have confessed you’ll break up with her. Hell, even Ju-Kyung believes this. She has the nightmare about Soo-Ho learning that Soo-Jin has feelings for him and immediately, publicly breaking up with her. After all, if he suddenly has both as an option the winner is obvious, right? It’s all about competition, what they’ve been taught to believe is a competition: Ju-Kyung through her bullying and Soo-Jin through her abuse. The difference is that Ju-Kyung has had the whole series with Soo-Ho (and others) helping her slowly unlearn this mentality. Soo-Jin had the rug pulled out from under her in an instant. 

Soo-Ho says no, I wouldn’t have loved you if you had confessed first and I’m not going to date you now. It’s important to realize that this shatters Soo-Jin’s entire world. It’s not about a girl being upset that she can’t get the guy — not even about Soo-Ho as an individual, really —  it’s about an abused girl not knowing how to grapple with the fact that she finally did everything “right” and still couldn’t “win,” coupled with losing the last bit of security she had. Soo-Ho broke the unspoken rules Soo-Jin’s father beat into her and she doesn’t know where to go from there. She literally has no one else to turn to. So she falls back on the only way she does know how to handle a situation like this: by still trying to win. If Soo-Ho won’t admit that she’s better, she’ll force him to realize that by plastering Ju-Kyung’s “ugly” face all over social media. Which, to be clear, isn’t an excuse. This isn’t meant to be a way of absolving Soo-Jin of her absolutely horrific actions, only a means of explaining them. Her descent, while shocking to those of us who loved her initial character, is well written because it’s a nuanced look at what can happen when you abuse a kid her whole life and teach her that competition is everything. Oddly enough, she’ll apply a competitive outlook to everything and deal with her stress in unhealthy ways. Ju-Kyung is a victim of Soo-Jin now, but Soo-Jin is a victim too. Her home life has ensured that she does not know how to accept failure—or what true failure even means—so it was inevitable that when things got bad, she’d  try to fix it in ways that hurt both her and those around her. It’s all she knows how to do. 

So far less “Perfect girl goes ooc and abandons her friend over a boy” and far more “Abused girl falls into a terrible, but predictable cycle that the other stressed high schoolers around her are not equipped to break.” Soo-Jin’s story isn’t bad writing, it’s tragic. Thanks for coming to my three page TED talk ✌️

***

2/4/21 FINALE UPDATE! 

[sneezefiction]

answers

oikawa x reader

desc: oikawa changes some lyrics in taylor swift’s song “love story”

a/n: please keep in mind that most of this is just humorous & there’s no serious characterization in this particular story. i laughed a lot while writing it :,,) for @cutiekawa because you gave me the idea; thank you for that! and also for @seroto-rin because this is very similar to your husband’s lyric changing habits lol – i still laugh whenever i think about it <3 warnings: language, mentions drinking/being drunk

wc: 3k

— It’s 2 am when you hear Oikawa pattering down the hallway and past your room. From the gentle footsteps and the occasional whisper of “shit” when the floor creaks, it's obvious that he’s trying to stay quiet.

But his attempts are in vain because, one, you’re wide awake and, two, he’s just knocked over an empty beer can from earlier. It was probably the one he’d left on the hall table – you’d told him to throw it away but he’d refused saying that he’d “throw it away in the morning when his arms weren’t so tired.” 

This is just karma.

The clatter of the aluminum on wooden floors echoes throughout the dorm. A much louder, especially frustrated, “fuck” follows right after it.

The word, though crass, sounds deceptively attractive on his tongue. But most things Oikawa-related just happen to be attractive. 

You muffle your laughter with a blanket. He’s probably disoriented from the alcohol – it’s only been an hour and 5 drinks each since you both called it a night. You’d headed straight to bed but he’d fallen asleep on the couch where you left him, hair a-mess and lips parted.

But, for someone who used to stay out till daybreak on weekends, he’s spent most Fridays hanging out with you instead.

This weekend was no different.

Oikawa ordered Thai takeout, you found a mindless Netflix series to binge, both of you had a little too much to drink, laughter ensued, the doe-eyed boy found his head in your lap, and…

You pull a face – one that goes unseen because of the dark, but you make it anyway.

Okay, that last part was a little different.

He’d had his head in your lap.

His head… in your… lap.

And, if you’re not mistaken (or delirious), you’d had your hands in his hair, twirling strands and tracing circles at the base of his neck. A foggy image of him gazing up at you with softened eyes, deep chocolate in color, begins to solidify. 

That lazy smile, a hand on your thigh, tresses tickling your skin...

You turn over in your bed, bunching up your sheets and holding them close to you like a shield of fabric — a flimsy, make-shift defense against tipsy mind-wandering. It isn’t very effective.

Your brain is not wandering but racing around this hand-in-hair realization.

Like an iron rod poking at hot embers, these prodding memories make your cheeks grow hotter by the millisecond. You bury your face in your pillow, embarrassment tight in your throat. 

Somehow you’d forgotten that he’d practically climbed into your lap. You’re not in the clear quite yet, but your brain is functioning well enough that it wishes you’d had a little more to drink – just enough to forget about it entirely. You starfish out on your bed, arms and legs dramatically splayed across the mattress.

Do (hot, charming, charismatic, windswept) flatmates usually get this... cuddly? Is that normal?

Does Iwaizumi wrap his arms around his roomies after a long day and a few bottles? How about Mattsun? Makki…?

Okay, no, none of them really seem like the type to get up close and personal with their roommates without good reason. Well, maybe Makki, but he’d do it to be a pain in the ass – not to charm the living-hell out of someone.

You try to take in a deep breath and wrap your head around what this means for you… but end up inhaling a feather from your pillow instead. As you hack and cough, you try to smother the noise in more cloth material – you really didn’t need him coming into your room, much less leaning over your bed to check on you.

Oikawa is messing with your head. 

If you knew any better, you’d have run away screaming the moment he’d asked you to room with him. No one that pretty and charismatic is good news. At least, not when it comes to shared housing.

But, here you are, writhing under the covers and hot like a fever all because he couldn’t keep to himself. Screw him and his charming smile for putting you in this position.

He either knows you’re crushing like he’s the last man on earth or he’s blissfully unaware and way too physically affectionate for his own good. 

You don’t dare consider that he likes you back though. Only deer and Olympic athletes made leaps like that. Oikawa had too many admirers… an irritating amount.

The blankets scrunch even tighter between your fists, likely thanking their maker that they don’t have nerve endings.

Every fiber of your being is begging to know if these feelings are reciprocated. You’d hate to live out the rest of this semester knowing the boy down the hall may not like you back. Worse, that he finds out you think he’s hot shit and doesn’t like you back – that would be unrequited love at its finest.

But, with a degree and your mental health on the line, why should you care about such minor, itty bitty, pointless details. 

This isn’t that big a deal.

And even if he did like you back? Well, Oikawa isn’t someone you can simply “pin down.” He comes with a distinctive, dramatic personality and a meddling side. Not to mention, he’s already the embodiment of chaos – he’s proven this to be true over the past 4 months he’s lived with you.

There’s a familiar squeak of the shower faucet handle and the hiss of hot water. You jump at the sound.

Maybe he’d forgotten, but your bedroom shares a very thin wall with the bathroom. Though you recall him saying he wanted to take a shower earlier, so you guess that he’s only just remembered.

You pick up your phone, blue light casting a less-than angelic glow on your sleepy face. You pray that TikTok will have some sort of life-changing “I’m in love with my hot, crazy flatmate” advice. Or that it will distract you from your inner turmoil. Either would be appreciated but the latter seems more likely.

Scrolling slowly, you get through about 3 videos before something else catches your attention.

There’s a deep reverberation buzzing through your wall. A gentle hum, much like a shower-concert lullaby.

But the noise is getting louder. And the humming? A lot more lyrical.

You shift into a sitting position, propping yourself up with your hands. With your side sunken into a pillow, you press your ear against the cool drywall. Your ears tune into the sound.

Oikawa, voice confident and free, is… singing.

“...But you were everything to me, I was begging you ‘please don’t go’…”

But he’s not just singing.

“And I said…”

He’s belting Taylor Swift with the enthusiasm of an 11-year-old Swiftie super-fan. Like the world would end if he didn’t put enough passion into this performance. Like the showerhead is his microphone and the surrounding tiles are his adoring audience.

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting; all that's left to do is run...”

Most people would be pissed if their friend were singing in the shower at 2 am… but you can’t find it in yourself to be anything but enamored.

God, you hate him for doing this right now. Hate that he’s inadvertently endearing you to him. Hate that, no matter what you do, he’s somehow always there.

Pressed up against you on the couch, meeting you for dinner at his favorite restaurant, fussing at each other over a shitty cup of coffee in your even shittier kitchen, calling you when he needs somebody to keep him company at the library… 

“You'll be the prince & I'll be the princess…”

And now he’s accidentally serenading you with Taylor’s “Fearless” album. In the shower.

You facepalm, sinking into your hands, exasperated and just so… done.

You sink back down into the bedsheets, wishing your earbuds were nearby to drown out the regrettably adorable performance. 

“It's a love story y/n, just say ‘Yes.’”

And your heart drops, panic setting in like the touch down of a whirling tornado. A fire tornado. A fire tornado with frogs and lizards and sharp objects spinning around inside of it.

What… did he just say?

The lyrics… they were muffled. You definitely heard them incorrectly. You… you just need to get your ears checked. Yes, that’s it. That’s all there is to it. You’ll schedule an appointment first thing tomorrow morning.

Because who the fuck sings like that at 2 am in a shared dorm? And who the fuck puts someone else’s name into a song like that? No one? Yes, no one.

Especially not the Oikawa Tooru.

And especially not with your name.

Because that’s just... weird.

The grip on your phone is mighty – thank God for durable glass because any other material would’ve splintered or shattered in your hold. 

But what the hell.

“Y/n, save me, I've been feeling so alone,” he sings as though he were Beyoncé’s son.

This time it’s clear as day. Oikawa is definitely still out of it and he’s undoubtedly singing your name.

No, no, no.

“I keep waiting for you but you never come…”

You bolt out of bed, feet hitting the floor at lightning-strike speed.

“Is this in my head? I don't know what to think,”

In one swift movement, you fling the bedroom door open and rush down the hall. You shouldn’t be listening to this. 

“He knelt to the ground & pulled out a ring, and said...”

And before you can stop your hand, it’s knocking rapidly on the bathroom door.

There’s a gasp, what you assume to a bar of soap hitting the shower floor, and an abrupt silence that follows.

You’d only wanted to stop him from singing.

However, you hadn’t thought through what you were going to say to him about this whole... lyrical mess. Your face feels like the surface of the sun, burning and flaring and flushing. What are you supposed to do now?

Oikawa speaks up, voice quiet, “Hello?”

Shit.

Maybe if you’re careful you can get yourself out of this. Just act like you didn’t hear anything and bring it up tomorrow when you’re both thinking straight. A thorough and sober discussion would be needed.

You had questions. Questions that needed answers.

Why did he have his head in your lap? Had you said anything to him that you’d regret later? Does he like you? Where should you two place your boundaries if he doesn’t like you back? And why Taylor Swift?

“Y/n, is that you?” He asks, nonchalantly.

Who else would it be?

The handle squeaks and, with that, the water stops. Only the gentle swirl of the drain and the occasional drips and drops from the showerhead are audible.

It’s too late. You’re already there. You’ve knocked and, in doing so, you’ve sealed your fate.

“...Yes,” is your whisper of a reply.

“What’s up? Was I too loud for you?”

You’ve got the entire building on high-alert singing that loudly.

...is what you would say if you weren’t currently imploding. This is like nothing you’ve ever experienced before. And nothing you ever want to experience again.

“Um, yeah, sorry.” You look down at your shuffling feet.

The hallway is pitch black, hardly allowing for even a mere shadow. Rushing out of your room, you’d forgotten to turn on even a single light.

You hear him step onto the tile floor and the rustle of a tower from the bathroom closet.

“Wait, can we talk?” He asks as though it weren’t the question of the fucking year. “I mean, preferably after I get out of the bathroom.” There’s a lack of tact to his words.

This isn’t the charming Oikawa you’re used to. This is a blunt… confusingly straightforward Oikawa.

His tone wavers like maybe he’d had a little more to drink than you’d last remembered. Your memory was proving to be disappointingly unreliable tonight.

You swallow thickly, “Sure.”

Because what else can you say?

“Can I stop by your room in a minute?”

You take a deep breath, “Yeah.”

And you patter back to your no-longer very safe haven. Oikawa is about to infiltrate your space… with your permission. And the weapons he’ll bring will either harpoon you or leave you emotionally paralyzed – whether that emotional paralysis is a good or bad thing will be decided in the near future.

Your bed, though soft and blanket-covered, looks far less appealing now. It may as well be a bed of nails because you would rather hide beneath it than sit atop it.

But you sit anyway, letting the mattress dip and the springs twang.

The bathroom door cries as it opens, putting you on edge. Your heart is pounding like a drum at a summer festival – hotter and louder with every beat.

The trod of footsteps tells you he’s approaching and, sure enough, the open door reveals Oikawa.

With only a lamp to brighten the space, he’s more contoured than usual. His hair is wet and heavy against his head, taking on an even darker brown than before. You’ve seen him fresh out of the shower before, but this… is different. Oikawa’s shirt sticks to his chest slightly – he must’ve thrown it on without drying off fully to get to you faster.

He takes a few steps into your room, choosing to lean his back against a wall next to your work desk. Oikawa brings his hands behind his back, pressing his weight into them. Brown eyes flicker from you to the wall behind you and back again.

Naturally, tension lays thick as a fog in the air space. 

“Hey, I’m…”

You cut him off, “You don’t have to say sorry! It’s… it’s okay.” 

Oops, you’d said that a little too loud. Not that it mattered much after Oikawa’s passionate performance.

An eyebrow raises and confusion sparks across his face. Your body freezes.

He brings a hand behind his neck. “Oh, I was just gonna say that I’m still kinda drunk.”

You knew that much. Though you really thought he’d say something other than that. Preferably something about the, uh, devoted love-song?

Why is he acting so casual right now? Is this even Tooru? Had he read too many alien conspiracies and been abducted for learning too much about extraterrestrials? 

Maybe he doesn’t realize you’d even heard him say your name in the shower.

“Oh... right.” You say slowly, lips staying parted at the end of your sentence.

“Which… probably isn’t good for either of us,” Different words drawl out and there’s a soft slur to some syllables, but at least he’s easy to understand, “me drinking too much, I mean.”

“Yeah,” you mutter.

“I think we should both just go to bed then.”

Your chest tightens. Of course, you want answers.

They’re likely embarrassing, face-reddening, Taylor Swift-centric answers. But you want them, nonetheless.

Although, it’s probably for the best that you don’t bring this up tonight. It was all probably a joke or a harmless accident – and, anyway, he admitted to being drunk.

“Right.”

“But I think you should know that I like you. A lot.”

“Yeah,” you respond again, automatically.

There’s another heavy silence. The pretty boy just stares at you, cherry colors tinting his cheeks but showing no expression of fear or embarrassment. You stare back, processing his words at turtle-like speeds.

The words tumble out, “Wait, say that again?” You double back, your own face reheating to its earlier temperature.

“I’m gonna be mad at myself in the morning if I don’t leave right now. And I really need to stop listening to that stupid song,” Oikawa says to himself. 

“But I wanted to see how you would respond if I changed the lyrics,” the words are pointed back at you again.

He stands up, feet moving slowly toward the doorway. Did he just… completely ignore your question?

Your jaw drops, “Did…” you can hardly speak.

Clearing your throat, you try again, focusing intently on your words, “...did you mean for me to hear you?”

“...Maybe.” He draws out the “e,” looking back at you.

That’s it. He’s lost his fucking mind. You’re going to strangle him. 

No TikTok advice could have prepared you for the monstrosity that is Oikawa Tooru. How Iwaizumi put up with that... that child for all these years, you have no idea.

You have to make a note of sending him a “get well” card, because nobody could be mentally okay after dealing with him for that long.

“B- but… why? What?” You stammer out, back stiff as a board.

“You like me don’t you?” He tilts his head, hair flopping cutely with it.

You gape like a fish, mouth opening and closing.

And it’s not that you don’t want to respond.

It’s that you can’t. You have no words. You vocal chords are on a panic-induced lockdown.

Because he knew.

He knew this entire time. Which you thought he might, but that doesn’t make the situation any less infuriating.

“And I like you back.”

You’re dumbfounded. You can’t think. This is ridiculous.

You open your mouth once more but he has no intention of continuing this conversation.

“Sleep well!” Without further comment, Oikawa flashes you a sleepy smile and begins scampering back to his room after having wreaked havoc on your poor heart.

Your voice comes back just in time for you to wake up the entire building once more,

“No, you get your ass back here and explain yourself!”

[dovenymph]

a film by peter parker

authors note: this was inspired by another thinkerpete tweet that read "peter probably watches the bit from "a film by peter parker" where he's in the car with tony over and over when he misses him" and@peterparkers-bad-youtube-apology’s summer of love prompt list💛💛 also the video edit was made by me so please do not screen record/save and repost it even if you do credit me (also this is unedited so sorry for any typos, i’ll probably go through it sometime this week, i just wanted to post it first)

prompts used: 2. making the backyard/rooftop into a movie theater

my masterlist

warnings: mentions of tony’s death, other than that, nothing but fluff

word count: 3.9k

Peter hated the summer.

Peter hated not having anything to busy himself with; no homework, or academic decathlon, or seeing Ned everyday who could wrap him up in his graphic novel fan theories or the drama in his on and off relationship with Betty. It was petty drama and minor stimulation, but it was something to distract him momentarily. But now Ned was in Aruba with his parents for the entire month which meant Peter had to suffer through the scorching heat of Juy all by himself.

Peter knew he didn’t have to be alone each day, -Aunt May had spent many dinners trying to get him to join her at the movies or the mall, even offering to let him have free reign of the lego store (when he said no to that, she knew he was in worse shape than she thought)- he had a handful of trustworthy and dependable friends he could hang out with for the afternoon like MJ and Betty, or even Flash who had been uncharacteristically nice to Peter ever since he found out he was Spiderman; this having happened only a few weeks after Tony had died and Peter had let him in on his secret to console a sobbing Eugene who, honestly, seemed to be more broken up about the news than Peter was. But even with his expanding friend group, Peter had found the most his body could endure was the contents of his bedroom.

He tried to get back out there after Tony’s passing, he really did, but at the first Iron Man tribute he admired on patrol, his body completely shut down and he swung back home, tears dampening the material of the mask.

So a lonely summer was what Peter submitted himself too, and he’s come to terms with it. He’s rewatched his favorite old shows, started binging some new ones. He’s taken apart and put together his lego death star four times now, each time faster than the last. But he’s been particularly fond of staring out the window. His apartment complex was quite close to the building besides his and he could look down into the backyard everyone had to share. Peter’s building had one as well, but since he was pretty sure he was the only person under 35 who lived there, it went unused.

Next door, there was always a different activity occurring in order for the patrons to beat the heat, and Peter often thought about how easy it would be for him to just go downstairs and introduce himself, and ask to join. It’d really be as simple as that and he’d meet some new people, get a free lunch and a chance to swim in the plastic pool they set up; maybe they’d laugh at his jokes and clap when he did flips, but it was all just a maybe, just in his imagination because his brain never let him wander to far before squandering the idea of getting close to someone again, for if history has taught Peter anything, it's that anything he gets close to, is not meant to stay for long and will be soon snatched away from him in the cruelest of ways.

And this thought is what resigns him to slink back behind his window and pout the day away, as he was doing now, vision blurring as he stared at nothing.

“Hey!”

Peter jumped, his eyes focusing on the target of whoever pelted his window and they landed on your form, slumped against your open windowsill, chin resting on your hand as you gazed back at him.

“Can I help you?” Peter bit back after lifting his window half way, his tone unconsciously laced with annoyance. He really didn’t even notice it anymore since that’s how he’s been speaking to everyone in his life for months now, but when you flinched at his tone, guilt started to creep up his spine.

Before he could ever begin to stumble out an apology, you cut him off “Yeah, is there a reason you stare into my room everyday?”

Peter's face flushed red and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken so bluntly towards him, and honestly, he liked it. He was getting tired of everyone walking on tiptoes around him, he just wanted things to go back to how they were, where he was just Peter Parker, your friendly neighborhood student.

“Or could you at least give me some money for some curtains if you just can’t give up the beautiful view of a concrete wall?”

“S-sorry, I- I didn’t even know you were there.”

Lie.

Peter knew you were there, he always knew when you were there.

Peter Parker isn’t a stalker, though! Sure, he’s gone through some fucked up shit on Earth and in space, so yeah, he wouldn’t call himself the most …sane person he knows, but he really wasn’t a creep. With your buildings being so close and your rooms directly across from one anothers, he was bound to notice you at some point.

And at some point he did. It was the first day of summer and Midtown let out at 12 instead of 3 to mark the occasion, so Peter had been mulling about in his room for quite some time already, thinking about how he heard all his classmates amazing summer plans and how the farthest he was going to go was probably the Thai restaurant down the street, and even that was a maybe. Peter sulked in silence until a couple hours later he heard a door slam closed, thumps from things being tossed on the ground, and a loud groan as he peeked through his windowsill at you who was currently flopped on the bed, window wide open without a care, scrolling on your phone.

At first, he was taken aback by your beauty, a small, small feeling of intrigue spiked his system, but it flew under the radar due to the seemingly everlasting dread that’s been weighing down on Peter's shoulders for months. But he couldn’t look away. You’d been doing nothing but looking at tiktoks mindlessly, occasionally cracking a half smile if a video was particularly amusing, but you still remained cemented to your mattress with no plans on moving anytime soon.

This brought comfort to Peter as he fished his phone out from the bottom of his bag and pulled up Ned’s messages and started to look through the media he sent him, almost two months worth of funny memes and videos that he hadn’t been bothered to look at, and he sat there along with you, aimlessly letting the time pass by. He enjoyed it, knowing he wasn’t really alone in his lazy and distracting behaviors because the pretty neighbor girl was doing just the same.

Ever since then, he’s just been …aware… of your coming and goings. He figured you had a summer job as every other day you were gone for a few hours, a solid shift. But on the days you were home, you also spent it mainly up in your room, every now and then, playing music from your record player, and if he was really lucky, you’d, unknowingly, give him a private concert as you sung out whichever niall horan or ariana grande song struck your fancy that day. He grew quite fond of the music, having added some of the regulars to his own playlist. And he enjoyed knowing you were right there, and he was right here; each of you living your lives, as uneventful as they may be, but you were together in some sort of way.

He’d never spoken to you, the ability of being able to just push his window up and call out to you at any time was what he liked, and each day he thought he’d do it but chickened out, and now it seemed like he’d have to make introductions whether he was ready or not.

“Mmm, right, so you haven’t seen me change or anything like that?” You asked and the content of your question and the inquisitive tone brought a flush to his cheeks.

“N-no! Of course not! I-I’d never do that, why would I even want to look at you? I mean! I don’t think you’re ugly or anything I… I just…”

Peter’s ramblings were cut off with your laugh as it bounced off the summer air and into his room. You were fully leaning out your open window now, and Peter had found himself in the same position, as if he was drawn to you.

“I was only joking with ya, but it's still nice to have the confirmation. I’m Y/N, your neighbor! Obviously.” You trailed off at the end, knowing that information was unnecessary since the boy next door obviously already knew that.

He was like no boy you’d ever seen before, only read about in books. He had a sweet disposition and inviting brown eyes that matched his soft chestnut hair. But he was built like a man, a strong jaw and strong arms. You’d seen him leaving his building everyday on your way to school, and when he’d get dropped off in a big black SUV during the late hours of the night, but he walked in the opposite direction or darted inside so fast,you never really got a chance to take him in.

“…Peter?” His tentative tone snapped you out of your daze and you realized he was introducing himself.

“Sorry, Peter! I- I… got distracted… by your… death star!” You let out, eyes focusing on the black and grey figure resting on his bed.

Peter felt his cheeks heat up as he moved to push it to the ground.

“That’s pretty cool! I finished the star wars series last summer.”

Peter’s eyes snapped up to yours and the friendly smile you were giving him along with the genuine interest in your tone seemed to break something inside him, snapped the band of hesitation that wrapped around his heart. “You did? For the first time?”

“Yeah! I know I’m like super late, but there’s like nine movies!”

Your laughs melded into one as you leaned out your respective windows and began talking about your favorite movie series. Peter was aware that this was unnatural for him. He had been more open to this stranger in the past few minutes than he had to his own Aunt in months and the same guilt from earlier crept up on him. But Peter was having a good time talking to you and he felt his insides turn in excitement when he realized you really had no idea who he was. He had a clean slate with you and he could make any first impression he wanted, well he hoped your first impression of him wasn’t that he was a peeping pervert, but we move, as MJ would say.

You were about to start telling Peter about this new dystopian novel you began reading when you heard a woman call out to him.

“Oh, that’s my Aunt May. She must be home from work. I- I should go say hello.” He explained, a sad look crossing his face that you didn’t quite understand.

You felt your own sadness wash over you, though. You didn’t want to stop talking to Peter either. “Yeah, of course!”

“But we can talk tomorrow right?” Peter asked, his tone laced with uncertainty.

“Oh well, I work double tomorrow… so I probably won’t be home ‘til late.” You said and the way the brown haired boys face visibly fell felt like a punch in the gut and you were scrambling for a reason to make him smile.

“B-but hey! I also get paid tomorrow so if you want, you can come over on saturday and we can have a movie night and we can order a shit ton of take out?”

“Come over to your place?” Peter asked, and he felt himsef involuntarily tense at the idea of leaving his room for the first time in weeks. It was safe in his room. But the pleading look on your face and hopefulness in your tone encouraged him to take the chance.

“I’d love to y/n.” Peter said with a soft smile and you smiled back shyly at him before closing your window and making your way out your room, making sure you were safe in the hall, away from his prying eyes to do a little happy dance.

Peter was unable to wipe the grin off his face as he walked out his room to greet his Aunt.

She heard his feet padding down the hall as she was setting out dinner, “Sorry its not ready yet, Petey, today’s been crazy, but I’ll get started now.” She rushed. Recently, she’s been hoping food’s the key to lift her poor nephews spirits, so each night she’ll either order or make something more fattening, cheesy, and delicious than the last.

“It’s alright May,” Peter let out easily as he turned the counter and placed a kiss on her cheek, “why don’t you let me cook tonight?”

May’s jaw dropped and she blinked a couple times. She could barely get two words out of Peter recently, and they were always either a meak thank you for dinner or an it was good when she asked about his day. She felt her eyes tear up at the slight sliver of her old Petey back.

“O-oh, really, you wanna cook?”

Peter ducked his head down at the ingredients in front of him to avoid looking in her eyes, his heart dropping at the glossiness that overtook them. He truly hadn’t realized how closed off he’d been. “Well, how about we do it together?” He began and the face splitting grin that spread across May’s face was all he needed to know he was taking a step in the right direction.

“G-good idea, honey. Can’t have the house burn down, can we?”

“Hey!”

May laughed and kissed Peter’s head as they began winding through the kitchen, making casual conversation. It was just like the old days, May thought. Before the wave of devastation drowned Peter as he lost a father figure, once again.

“So what did you do today, P? Do you know when Ned get’s back? I’m sure you’re both excited to see each other.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, I am. I don’t know when he get’s back actually, but that’s okay-“

“I know you like your peace and quiet, I really do, but I do think it’ll be good for you to get out of the apartment for a little bit, see if Michelle is available. Oh! Or maybe that Lisa, Liz! I liked Liz, see if she’s available-“

“May! Its okay. I don’t need to hang out with Liz Allen,” Peter grumbled, “I- I made a new friend actually.”

May looked over at Peter in confusion since he hadn’t gone out or had anyone over in weeks, that she could remember; and Peter took her silence as an opportunity to continue.

“The neighbor.”

“Mrs. Wozniak?”

“No! Y/n, she lives in the next building over. And my room is right across from hers. We’re gonna hang out on saturday.”

“Oh?” May raised her brows at her nephew and bit back a smile, much to Peter’s chagrin. “Is she pretty?”

“And that’s relevant why?”

“I don’t know!!” May drawled and Peter just rolled his eyes and kept chopping the vegetables in front of him, the blush adorning his cheeks refusing to go down as he thought yes, yes she is.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

You yanked the door open as soon as you heard Peter’s knocks against it. He jumped back a bit, his arm still partially raised from when he knocked and you silently berated yourself for being so eager, but the spreading smile across his face made you feel not so bad.

“Oh, sorry, I was just-“

“It’s alright.” Peter replied with a soft smile, and you let yourself trace the golden flecks in his eyes before he cleared his throat, once again, snapping you out of a daze. You seemed to be in a dreamy state around him alot.

“Can I come in? I brought my Star Wars DVD collection by the way, I know you’ve seen them, but this one has the director's cut which I thought totally changed the course of the first trilogy!” Peter explained, rocking on the balls of his feet in excitement.

You bit your lip at the sight, his cuteness was rubbing off on you. “Yeah, that sounds great, but actually we aren’t gonna be watching in here.” You said, grabbing the bag of Chinese food and snacks and stepping out.

Peter’s face sputtered as you both walked to the stairs. He’d spent all day building up his courage to just go six feet from his building, there was no way he’d be able to go around the city with you for the fear of seeing something that’ll remind him of the avengers or crime.

“Y’alright?” You asked, noticing Peter’s stony silence as you walked down the last flight and made your way to the back gate.

“Yeah, sorry, I guess I’m just nervous. I haven’t really hung out with anyone new in a while, well, with anyone at all really.”

You smiled in sympathy, “I get you, I haven’t either. All my friends are out of town, so I’ve mostly just hung out in my room, too.”

“But you already knew that, don’t ya stalker?”

Peter rolled his eyes and shoved your arm as you laughed, glad you got his nerves out of his system. You unlocked the gate and lef Peter to the back garden.

“Woah..” Peter let out. There was a large white sheet hung up between two trees, and a projector set up on the table behind where a blanket lay, covered in a mess of pillows. The setting sun lit up by strung lightbulbs.

“You like? I figured since we both seemed to be home bodies, we could have the fun of the movie theatre, but here!”

Peter felt his heart swell at your words. You’d only known him for two days, and you already treated him with so much consideration and kindness. “I- I love it, y/n. This is amazing.”

He saw how you tucked your cheek into your shoulder in bashfulness and felt his spirits raise even higher. You were adorable.

“I’m glad you like it. I hope the projector works though, it took me forever to translate the instructions.”

Peter walked over to it and gave it a once over. “It seems fine to me, but I can always look at it if you want.”

“Oh yeah? You good with tech?”

“Good enough to get by. I needed it a lot while working with Mr. Stark” Peter began, forgetting that he wasn’t talking to an old friend.

“You worked with Tony Stark?!?”

“Oh.. oh yeah, only for a little! I was an intern.” He said quietly, beating himself up for even bringing up the topic of Tony. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of a pretty girl.

“Wow, that must’ve been amazing. You, you must miss him a lot then, huh?”

“Yeah,” he chuckled lifelessly. “Yeah I do.”

“But no matter, we’re here to have a good time right?”

“Yeah, yeah we are!” You grasped his hand and gave him a sympathetic squeeze -neither of you blind to the sparks that shot from the place your hands met- and got settled on the blanket.

Two and a half moves later, the sun had set and the two of you were sitting in the darkness, the only light coming from the flickering of the projector as the abandoned movie played. You and Peter were sitting cross legged, facing each other as he told you another story about working with the Avengers.

“Yeah, it was so crazy!! We were in this airport and he went from being like two inches tall to two hundred feet, it blew my mind. But it was okay though, because I had this idea-“

“Wait, wait, wait. You were there? Why?” You asked, loving every adventure filled anecdote he told you, but it wasn’t all adding up. For just an intern, he seemed incredibly close to Mr. Stark himself, but then again, you’d only known him for less than a week and you also wanted to go everywhere with him.

Peter worried his lip, thinking about how he could worm his way out of this one. Why would a teenage intern be at the Avengers civil war? He figured he could lie, or even just run away and buy black out curtains. Maybe he could convince Aunt May to switch rooms with him even. But you’d already brought so much light to his life in multiple aspects, and he thought, just maybe, you’d be able to bring light to that aspect of his life too.

“You know what, lemme just show you! Wait here, I’ll be back!”

Peter ran back down, his Chewbacca flash drive in hand, adrenaline running through his veins. He plugged it into your laptop and dug up a folder he hadn’t touched in almost eight months.

“What’s this?” You asked as he sat back down next to you.

“You’ll see.” He said, eyes glued to the screen in front of him.

A Film by Peter Parker, read the title as a compilation of videos featuring Peter, Happy, Aunt May, the Avengers, and Tony projected before you both.

Peter heard you gasp as the camera flashed to the suit, and saw, from the corner of his eye, how your head snapped towards his as he backspringed across the battleground. The film continued and neither of you could tear your eyes from the screen. Peter felt his eyes well up with tears as a scene with him and Tony talking to the camera began and he thought that watching this was a bad idea and he was about to turn around and turn it off when he felt your fingers intertwine with his.

He sucked in a sharp breath at the warmth you brought him and he squeezed back, his brain nearly malfunctioning at the speed in which he tried to memorize the feel of your hand in his. But his senses were overloaded as he picked up on your accelerated heartbeat.

The two of you continued to watch the video, neither moving even when it autostarted from the beginning, and this time you laughed outwardly at the funny parts, and asked him questions about why Happy didn’t seem to like him.

“What did you do to him Peter?”

“Nothing I swear!”

“Likely story.”

And he felt the steel blanket of grief fall off his shoulders. The feeling of intrigue and excitement for going back to life was no longer a small trail buried deep within him, but now a firecracker that ignited his insides and aurated off of him. Things were going to be alright, he was going to make it out this summer with more than just the memories from his bedroom, and he’d make it through whatever else life would throw at him, as long as he had you by his side.

Because you didn’t make his heart beat faster out of fear, you made him feel flustered and full of affection.

And you didn’t hold him roughly, with the intent to harm him; you held him delicately, and he could only wait to be able to hold your heart the same way.

[dogbearinggifts]

What are your thoughts on tua S2? Did you feel like the characters grew? What did you like? What did you not? I’m interested in your perspective. Your analysis are super thoughtful and interesting!

Aw, thanks, Anon!

Overall, I really enjoyed S2 and thought it was a solid follow-up to S1. I do have my quibbles about it, so I think (for ease of reference and because my thoughts are a little scattered today) I’ll list some of my personal highlights (in no particular order) before getting into what I didn’t like as much.

Big spoilers ahead.

Allison. I thought they handled her storyline especially well. Of all the siblings, I think she had the most difficult obstacles placed in her way (not only is she a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas, but she’s a Black woman landing in 1961 Dallas who can’t even speak in her own defense for a year) and they sugarcoated exactly none of it. The writers pulled no punches when showing what civil rights protesters went through, which just made their nonviolent response all the more breathtaking. Allison’s fear and anger during those scenes were palpable even as she kept them hidden. But along with that horror, we see the kindness and warmth of the Dallas Black community, the women who take her in simply because she needs their help, and her love for Ray, perhaps heretofore THE most thoughtful husband ever portrayed on screen. I loved him, and I loved him and Allison together. While I understand and respect his choice to stay in 1963, I wish they’d gotten more time together. They both deserved it.

Vanya. We got to see how much the baggage from her past affected her by glimpsing what she might be like if it were taken away. It’s an interesting philosophical question, and it was explored well, in my opinion. She finds it easier to love and be loved, and she stands up for herself more readily—but she also doesn’t hesitate to use powers she can’t quite control and threatens Five without fully realizing how dire her threat is (or how it might dredge up traumatic memories she doesn’t know exist). The moment where Ben finds her curled up, fully convinced she’s a monster, was heartbreaking. I loved watching her find happiness with Sissy, even if that was fleeting (and dear god, Sissy deserved her happy ending with Vanya, dammit, I don’t care if it would fuck up the timeline). Her patience and sweetness with Harlan were just beautiful. And the way she used the confidence she gained during her amnesia to fully come into her own not to exact revenge on her siblings, but to save them, was fucking phenomenal.

The humor. There was a lot more humor this season, and it was awesome. So many iconic scenes—Olga Foroga, Luther babysitting two homicidal Fives, Elliot awkwardly lecturing his guests on the history of Jello, “NEW TIMELINE NEW ME,” “Your vagina needs glasses,” AJ the fish gobbling up the cigarette bubbles, Five getting to say “fuck”….this season was a lot funnier than the previous one, and I think that was one of its strengths.

Klaus’ cult. It was played for laughs, which I both expected and thought was the best way to handle it. He didn’t want to start a new religion with himself at the center; he just wanted to not get thrown out of any more diners, but Destiny’s Children had other ideas. The “I too am a fraud!” scene was hilarious and tickled the question of whether or not a religion founded on false pretenses can still help those within it find meaning.

Luther. Getting him away from his dad, his siblings, and the Academy was exactly what he needed to become the pure of heart and dumb of ass genius we always knew he was, but his first major step in that direction was heartbreaking. We all knew he’d be rejected once he got to the Academy. We all knew Reginald would rip his heart out and stomp on it in his admittedly fashionable shoes. It gets Luther out on his own and forces him to become his own person apart from his dad, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. He got the positive character development he needed, but the catalyst was tragic.

Diego. We see, for the first time, exactly how Reginald kept him in line—not with meds or with PTSD-inducing torture, but with words. Even when he knows Diego as little more than a stranger, Reginald is able to rip off his skin and fling it in his face with a single diatribe; and even at 30, with years away from his dad, Diego is left unable to speak, feeling as if all of his accomplishments up to that point were the work of a dumb kid who thought he was smarter and more capable than he actually was.

Luther and Diego sharing a braincell. Luther has bad ideas. Diego has bad ideas. When they put their bad ideas together, they get terrible ideas. I loved watching them work together as a team, rather than being at each others’ throats for most of the season, even if I’m left hoping Olga Foroga had a pleasant and quiet day after that phone call.

Reginald. At first glance, it may look like the writers were trying to make him likable so they could parade him around as your average abusive-parent-with-a-soft-side. But it’s more nuanced than that. Abusive parents (and abusers in general) often fly under the radar because they fool outsiders into thinking they’re good people. They’re active in their communities. They give to charity. They have friends who attest to their virtue, significant others who think they’re the greatest. And that’s what we see with Reginald. We see him as the rest of the world did: an intelligent, eccentric man with a sharp sense of humor who cared deeply about scientific advancement. That’s how he evaded suspicion—because there were stories from years past of lively parties at his mansion, of what a gentleman he was to Grace and of how he did everything he could to save little Pogo. But those stories would all have come from people he considered his equals. When he’s with people he considers his inferiors—aka, the Umbrella kids—he’s openly condescending and demeaning. We get to see how he fooled the world, and it is chilling.

Elliot. He deserved better, and you can ship him with any one of the Hargreeves kids and get the cutest thing ever. 

The Swedes. They said so much while speaking very little.

Ben. He got more personality and screen time, and it was glorious. His love of his family and resentment toward Klaus practically leapt off the screen. The way he says “I’ve missed you all…so much” once they’ve all left was one of those right-in-the-feels moments; and watching him get so much of what he’s wanted for years when he possesses Klaus was beautiful.

Now, as for things I took issue with….

Ben. I understand why they ended his arc the way they did. I get that they were probably afraid the Klaus/Ben dynamic would grow stale if they didn’t change it somehow and wanted to give him a larger role in S3. His death(???) was heartbreaking and extremely well-done. But it also wasn’t foreshadowed. We never got any sense of what ghosts in the TUA ‘verse are, so the fact they can be destroyed by a ton of sound-turned-energy or by going too far into someone’s psyche or whatever happened….it’s not that it doesn’t make sense so much as there’s not enough evidence to determine whether or not it makes sense. It feels like the writers just kinda made that up so they’d have a reason to change Ben’s relationship dynamics, but if that’s the case, couldn’t they have done it another way? Couldn’t they have made it so the immense energy or psychic woo-woo or whatever gave him a power-up instead of destroying him? Vanya transferred some of her energy into Harlan and brought him back to life. Couldn’t something similar have happened with Ben? And if it tied him to Vanya as well as to Klaus, great! More fodder for angst and humor! (”Vannyyyyyyyy, stop hogging Ben!” “You got him for 17 years, Klaus, you can part with him for 20 minutes.” “Guys, don’t I get a say in this?”) I’m glad they didn’t write him out of the series entirely, but I still wish they’d kept him and all the character development he’d gotten throughout S2.

Episode 10. It looks like they tried to cram half a season’s worth of developments into 45 minutes. Twenty minutes in, I’d already said “Wait what the fuck” half a dozen times. A lot of those moments were explained later on, and I was able to make enough inferences to fill in any lingering plot holes, but…still. Too much stuff, too little time. E9 was a perfectly satisfying ending to the season. Yes, it leaves the siblings stranded in 1963, but they could’ve tied up those loose ends in the S3 premiere.

Lila. She’s an incredibly fun character, but her arc is kind of a mess. Most of that is due to E10, and I do feel that more time to let her arc breathe would’ve worked wonders, but I’m left feeling like her turn from “Handler is the best mom ever and I lurve Diego too” to “KILL DIEGO AND HIS EVIL FAMILY” to “Handler is a bad mom and Diego is right” happened too quickly.

The Commission. Okay, so, the Handler announces the entire Board has been killed, and she’s stepping in as director even though everyone appears to know she’s been demoted (and demoted pretty severely—she went from having an office bigger than some apartments to being a case management drone). There’s suspicion and lots of it. But then, La Resistance is….ten or so people in a single room? And when she calls the temps agents to her side, thousands of them show up ready and willing to fight and die? I dunno. Just seems like there should’ve been more splintering going on there. Again, I think they needed more time to tie everything up.

Aside from those complaints, I loved the season. I set aside most of a day to binge it, and I do not regret that decision at all.

[yue-muffin]

I am finally (finally!!) finishing Yuri on Ice. I started watching it when it first came out, then got impatient of waiting week by week for the next episode, so I figured I would binge watch it when it finished airing. Long story short, got busy and never finished it (I did listen to the soundtrack a bunch though).

So, I figured I would finally finish this show! I’ve been a super casual fan of figure skating since the 2014 Sochi Olympics and I knew a skating anime was going to come eventually, after Hanyu won the gold, so I was really stoked to watch YOI too, haha. Life just happened and I forgot about it.

(Not going to lie, I hate watching sports, except for equestrian events and archery occasionally, but I sat down for a brief moment and that so happened to be when Yuzuru Hanyu was skating his SP. It was the most serendipitous moment of my life haha.)

(But I really do mean “super casual fan”. I never dedicated the time to learn all of the terminology and don’t expect me to name any of the jumps. This will also be a super casual live blog.)

Episodes 1-2

Episode 1

When the animation for this anime is good, it really is good. I feel like skating is a bit tricky. If it’s not done right, it’ll probably look rather choppy since so much of the sport is flowing lines and the amount of athleticism it takes to make good performances look almost effortless.

I really like the opening sequence for this reason. The transition from their child-selves to their adult-selves and the reflection of one person’s career. I feel like I have no comments regarding the opening song. It’s got a catchy beat, the animation is gorgeous, and it’s one of the more memorable anime opening songs I’ve heard. It just fits the theme of the show so well, too.

The Makkachin phone cover is so cute. The amount of detail that went into this show really astounded me. The lanyard clasps and the words on his ID? The website? 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to really hate chibi-cut-ins and those little interlude infodumps/intros that are common in anime (I think they work best in a manga medium, personally...), but that’s a personal thing.

First time I watched this, my reaction to Russian Yuri was “lol what’s your problem?? edgy little brat”. Still is haha. “I greatly object to sharing a name with a LOSER” is the vibe he gives off. He’s also lucky Yuri is a nice guy and didn’t just punch him for getting so up in his face and screaming at him.

Well, now that was just cruel. He’s having one of those “can it GET any worse” days, to which the universe answers “yes, yes it can”. I’m sure we’ve all had those days where nothing goes right and you just want to curl up and die (aka sleep) until it’s all over.

If there is one thing this show really did well as early as the first 3-4 episodes, it’s depicting Yuri’s mental state. His crushing disappointment in himself, everyone around him trying to cheer him up or talk about what comes next while he’s still just living in the moment, trying to get through the rest of this day.

Ha, my name is pretty common where I grew up, especially at the time I was going to school, and I relate so hard to turning because you hear your name only to realize no one was actually talking to you. Even worse for Yuri because it’s Viktor talking! His idol! Also, I felt it when he froze and walked away after Viktor asked if he wanted a photo with him.

Not going to screenshot everything, not going to screenshot everything...

Yeah, even in my hometown I never knew anyone who skated - ice or roller skating, aside from birthday parties. I personally have two left feet and I’m lucky I managed to stand on the ice without falling, but I never did figure out how to move. My dad had to pull me around (I was 10 or so?). But also, that scene adds some perspective to how Yuri is seen by others, which is important given we live in his head as the watchers of his story. It’s clear that his thoughts of himself don’t necessarily reflect what the public or his friends/family think of him.

A large part of the charm of this series, for me, was that Yuri feels like such a real person - him and his story, his doubts and his hopes (even his weight gain haha), are really relatable even if ice skating is so far removed from myself.

I’m only screenshot-ing dogs now.

Tiny Yuri is so cute though, with his little doggo! 

Haha! And his little blush watching Viktor on tv.

Cuteness overload haha Yuko is so cute?? I love how everyone in his life is supportive in their own way.

Doggos only! Utterly adorable.

Ah, as usual, the live commentary over the skating that I half like because I have no clue what’s going on, but the other half of me just wants to listen and watch in peace lol

No comment on the double performance aside from: ALL THE BUDGET. But honestly if you’re not going to go ham on the performances (especially the best ones) in an anime about ice skating, why even bother lol.

Yuko had triplets. Triplets. I cannot even- (haha I love kids, I work with them for my job occasionally but having THREE of my own to go home would sound like a nightmare).

Doggo! But actually I just really like his apartment. I really like that they gave Viktor a standard poodle Yuri a miniature poodle because I feel like everyone including myself forgets the big floofs exist and in fact are the “standard” size, not the tiny guys.

HERE COMES THAT SCENE. The one that made the internet explode. I kind of still remember the night it aired, lol. I also can’t believe they got the green-light for that, haha.

I also love the social media posts in the ending. Social media in anime is always fun, it’s such a huge part of our lives nowadays. The little glimpses into the lives of the other skaters is not only fun, but makes them feel a little more alive, especially because they won’t be the center of the story.

Episode 2

I promise this one isn’t going to be as long.

This “farewell” gives me live action drama vibes. It’s hilarious.

Under the table! I can’t with the adorableness. Also, now I’m hungry.

I-Is it ok for him to be scratching the tatami like that.

It took me forever to figure out that the random English is likely because they’re supposed to be speaking in English to each other lol. It just makes sense.

At least one of the kids learned their lesson and asked before uploading haha.

Viktor not so subtly trying to find out if he likes or is dating anyone is hilarious. 

And Russian Yuri has a cat! I forgot about that. He does give off alley cat vibes.

Yuri, you literally just had an “ah-ha!” moment, but then couldn’t resist posting a pic of your new buy on social media lol...

I feel like people either like him or hate him (Russian Yuri), but to me he’s just such a teenage boy. They can be assholes sometimes, you know?? And hopefully they grow out of it haha.

I love Yuri’s smirk haha. Yup, don’t engage. He’s an angry 15 year old, you’re a grown ass adult. It’s really hard to forget age differences in anime but what self-respecting adult is actually going to have it out with a teenager being unreasonable?

I also totally forgot they nicknamed Russian Yuri, Yurio in the actual show lol.

OUCH that self-doubt.

The Makkachin tissue box...

Anyways, the first unofficial competition of the show starts next episode! I did see that one when it came out, but I think I stopped after episode 3...

[youmightaswell]

Die!

What I did during my pandemic non-vacation

Right before the pandemic hit, my work was slow. My client stable was dwindling and so I set  the goal of finally compiling all my personal essays from the last 20 years into a book I'd call "The Unbearable Heaviness of Being". And then, serendipitously a  more literal unbearable heaviness of being hit.

Still, one would think a pandemic would be the ideal time to start that book. Maybe even start the "Letters from the Inside" book about my serial killer writing project for the last 10 years, or even my own memoir. I had nothing but time. I had to stay inside anyway. Nothing else was pressing, and I am usually especially creative during times of stress and hardship.

But lo!  I am also a procrastinator when it comes to a writing assignment -- even a self-inflicted one.  

So over the last three months I found every excuse not to write those long-form pieces. It seems like all I did was bathe, eat, eat some more, and lay around in bed, most often talking to the dog in guise of actually talking to myself. I spent an inordinate amount to time figuring out how to handle my grooming at home now that my external fleet of professionals were no longer available. Day after day I wore sweats or pjs (careful to change from day ones to night ones once the nightly New Year’s Eve-type cheering started, a new type of closing bell.) The one day I felt invigorated and optimistic enough to put on jeans I had to peel them off by mid-day unsure of how I ever wore such a tortuous garment. 

I felt comfort when I saw reassuring messages on Instagram -- which along with Facebook and Twitter, I spent an inordinate amount of time on -- saying that it was just fine not to produce anything during this quarantine. That is was an unprecedented time and one that was highly stressful so it is fine to do whatever you want to keep calm and keep on...  I did just that, or at least it seemed so. I felt like a sloth, eating carbs and sugar -- things for the last two years I carefully avoided. I texted exes, fought with feral Trump supporters, washed dry-clean only clothes. You know, indulged in the wildest of vices.

The shelter-in-place mandate will come to a close soon. Being in NYC, probably it will take longer than most areas to dissolve, but still the streets are getting a bit more crowded, and people seem to be back in my NYC apartment building, once again, hogging the dryers (which I then have to neurotically wipe down with disinfectant wipes.)

So I initially felt a bit down at what a failure I've been to do something productive during this time.

As a result, I decided to take inventory of my last three months. ***

- I applied for PPP (dealing with Chase bank for two months having  to re-apply three different times at their ever-changing directives, only to be told they couldn't verify my income and therefore I was turned down). I applied for EIDL,got $1000 payment and then was told that because inadvertently answered a question wrong -- these applications are super hard--I was denied and now they were only allowing re-applications of agricultural industry workers. Then I applied for freelancer unemployment, twice, only to not be able to get through, not be able to revise my PUA application and am still waiting to hear something, anything.  As such with  EIDL, PPP, SBA, WHO and all other pandemic-related acronyms, I now have a great fear -- PTSD, if you will -- of acronyms in general. No good can come from them. 

- I washed my hands -- and my dog’s paws -- a billion times. I also did way too much laundry because in times of stress and lack of control, my OCD (another scary acronym!) gets rampant and doing finite tasks makes me feel more in charge. I saged my apartment weekly, casting out negative energy and viruses and calling upon all good things to enter instead. The only entrance was made by my super who yelled at me for mentioning him in an article I wrote about my doorman who passed away from Covid-19. Still, I disinfected doorknobs, elevator buttons, and even the container of wipes, multiple times as if trying to free a genie in a bottle, to no avail.

- I tended to all sorts of medical tests for myself and my dog, culminating in standing a long line to get the Covid-19 antibody tests. (Sadly I was negative.) 

-I binged watched (Dead to Me) and cringe watched (White Lines), valuing a good hate-watch more than quality programming. 

- I read about 10 books, a few that have stayed with me in the best way possible, such as "My Dark Vanessa" and "Excavation".

- I listened to the full true-horror podcast "Let's Not Meet" - because sometimes the only way to quell true-horror is with true-horror. Hair of the dog sort of thing.

- I tracked down ARCs (one of the nicer acronyms) of books that will come out later this year so I could read them without any preconceived notions about them. 

- I finally watched the backlog of hoarded movies I had borrowed from the NYPL: The best of which was "Giant", a classic 3.5 hour saga.

- I read countless magazines and most things I read were drivel, but then I curated the best essays and realized they all seemingly dealt with food, which makes total sense during a pandemic when we all reverted back into hunter gatherers.    “Fuck the Bread. The Bread is Over,” the NYT’s written by restaurant owner/chef of Prune, and the essay by art critic Jerry Saltz about his peculiar eating habits were the best.  While they all seemingly dealt with food and eating, they really don't deal with that at all.  They definitely appeased my appetite for touching writing.  

- And I did some touching writing of my own. I wrote an essay about the death by Covid-19 of my favorite doorman to much notice. It was the article I’ve written that has gotten shared the most online, I think, ever! More importantly, it touched his family in a way that seems significant, his daughter reaching out to me with this message: 

- Related: I organized a GoFundMe for the aforementioned late doorman’s family and raised over $7,000 in just one week! I got our whole complex and neighborhood to participate, and I believe it helped us collectively mourn. 

- Related, I helped a dear friend with dealing with heartbreaking news that her elderly mother had contracted Covid-19. She called me the night she found out to weigh options. Sadly her mother passed. I had a tree planted in her mother’s honor. 

- I signed up with Postcrossing and sent postcards to people all over the world and have gotten a ton back. In times of isolation it helps to feel connected in some way. 

- In that same vein, I participated Oregon Humanities’ “Dear Stranger” project - in which one writes a letter to a stranger and sends it to the organization and they exchange it with other stranger’s letter and mail that one to you. Interestingly I wrote my letter on an old map. The letter I got in return was by a female freelance writer of my same age, also written on an old map. More serendipity! More connection without ever leaving the apartment. 

- I saw a segment on NY1 talking about how this pandemic and isolation is taking its toll on seniors and one NYC nursing home that was requesting cards and letters to cheer them up. It was the catalyst for me to start a new project I call: “Letters from the Inside... of the Senior Center” - in which I researched and compiled a list of nursing homes around the country who accept letters of cheer to their seniors. I now have a list of about 800 names. I’ve sent about 75 cards/postcards myself so far, and have enlisted friends, neighbors, and others to send cards as well. My goal is to get each senior at least one card or letter. 

- I had a milestone birthday with little fanfare. My dog, Biggie, turned three. 

- I finally finished annotating each chapter of “Blind Eye,” the best-selling book about serial killer Michael Swango, who I have written to for 10+ years as part of the aforementioned “Letters from the Inside” project I created. I sent him questions on each chapter. 

- Related: After 10 long years of corresponding, on my birthday we started what has now turned out to be weekly calls. His prison has finally allowed them. Last call I told him that he has not answered my last few letters. He told me to yell at him, remind him, and push him to get on it. I quipped that it was probably not in my best interest to antagonize someone who murdered 60+ people. True horror, indeed. 

- The CNN docu-series about him in which I appear as an expert was postponed but will air later this summer. 

- Speaking of true horrors, I had a woman threaten to spit on me when I requested she leash her dog -- who had tried to attack Biggie. (Odd foreshadowing for the recent Amy Cooper debacle.) 

- I lost my long-time nurse (I get immuno-therapy infusions twice a month and have for years for an immune disorder) because she was fired by her nursing company. After having to deal with an inadequate string of nurses I lobbied to get my nurse hired at my pharmacy’s nursing division so now she can be my nurse again. She is thrilled she has a job; I am thrilled I have my old friend back each month. 

- I feel in love with Cuomo.

***

After sitting down and taking this inventory, I am amazed at how much I have actually done in such a short period of time. It seems insane that I was feeling so bad and slothlike for being so unproductive, when in retrospect, I actually accomplished a lot. 

I guess what I can take away from this long stretch of isolation is this: We can’t see how far we are traveling without looking back on our journey. While something -- particularly traumatic or stressful -- is happening, it is easy to feel static, frozen and worse, uncreative. But feelings aren’t facts. 

Just because I didn’t write my book, I did lots of creative things with my time. I was tangibly helpful to others without even noticing it when I was doing it. I felt like I was faltering and failing, but in looking back at that list above, I really wasn’t. I may have even excelled. 

And now, I think I need to lay down. 

[ajokeformur-ray]

From oldest to newest ~ Erika answers asks ~

hailmary-yramliah said: Wait I’m really tripping out. I realized you were following me on Tumblr and I didn’t even know?!?!?!? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR FICS LIKE WTF IM SO SLOW BUT THANK YOU YOURE LIKE ACTUALLY AMAZING AND ME STANNING YOU RN MAKES ME EMBARRASSED BUT I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT YOU ARE SO TALENTED!!! Ahhhhh I love your Arthur/Joker fics XD 

Thank you so so much!!! <33333 This means so much to me! <3333 I hope you continue to enjoy the works that I work so hard on x

Anonymous said:Ngl I feel like it’s wrong to like Arthur & read fics about him only bc my sis thinks it’s weird af. Our interests are complete opposite & finds mine very weird and it kinda makes me sad. I wish she loved the movie as much as me & understood my “obsessions” as she calls them. Anyways, love your fics sm! You’ve gotten me into this fandom so quickly and I love it! 💕

Your sister sounds just like my, and others’, family. They don’t understand because the film wasn’t for them. It was for people like us who see Arthur and who understand him. If you find enjoyment in something, darling, most especially if it’s fictional (though very realistic), then there’s no shame in indulging in it. Thank you very much, that means a lot! <3

insfirebunny said: Ok As you might see rn I make myself comfortable in your blog. Hope you don't mind. I enjoy every single one story of yours. You write so beautifully that it's magical. Take care of yourself, sunshine ☀

I don’t mind at all, I’m flattered, thank you so, so much! <33333 take care of yourself too!!!!

Anonymous said: Would you rather date Arthur or Joker??

To me, Arthur never went insane and ‘became’ Joker. He’s not the insane one; the world is mad. So I would date Arthur and I would love him and protect him and help him (everything I write about is everything I would do for him; the things I write for others are very self-indulgent lmao I have no shame) and if, in his own time, he grew into himself (Joker), then I would still love and support him just the same. I don’t think he went mad - I think he just dropped everything holding him down, holding him back, and said “fuck the world”. And honestly? That’s a big fucking mood.

Anonymous said: Okay speaking of the multiverse theory, what is your view on it regarding fictional characters. I personally believe that not only do they exist, but with the right skills you could connect with them in some way.

Since I was a child, for as long as I could remember, I’ve had this super vivid made up, carefully crafted world inside my head with all my most loved characters. I have spent my life inside my head daydreaming. I’ve never needed real life friends because I have my imagination and though I tried to make friends. I tried so hard but I never got anywhere because I was a freak, I was this and that etc. etc. (I was bullied for like 15 years lmao fuck ‘em) and so I stayed inside my head and didn’t bother trying to cross that invisible glass wall between me and everyone else. I’m 22 and I still haven’t bothered to try; it’s cosy here so I’ll stay inside my head where I can make others happy with my daydreams. But I digress - I like to think that our loves know that we love them. Every thought, every tear, every daydream, every squeal, every pillow we’ve squeezed wanting to be them, every imagine, everything we have done or do because of them, for them, they know. They see it; they feel it. I like to believe that Arthur Fleck knows how deeply he is loved and cherished he is by all of us and more than that - he loves us all just as fiercely, and he’s so, so proud of all of us. (Also lowkey I know it’s your skin shifting due to temperature changes etc. but you know when you think you feel a hand on your shoulder or fingers in your hair when you’re like half asleep and just dozing??? Or when you have a dream of him? That’s Arthur reaching out to us in the only way he can to say he knows, he sees and he loves us too.)

Anonymous said: I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH! Like it’s crazy how good you write

Thank you so, so much!!! <3333333 I work .v. hard (one piece can take up to three hours, though the longest I’ve ever spent on a piece (Coming Home To You) was six hours. I still say that is the best thing I’ve ever written, so that means a lot! <3

Anonymous said: I love Joker from our dearly beloved 2019 Joker movie as well as Joker from The Dark Night. I can't choose which I love more so why not both! At the same time! ifyouknowwhatimsaying 👀👀👀

Sksksksksksk I believe @gothamslittlejester can help you out here lmao she’s written for poly!readerxJokerxJoker so go check out her works; they’re phenomenal! <3

Anonymous said: There's a tornado warning in my area. We NEVER get tornado warnings, like ever, so I'm kind of scared.

Ohmygoodness please stay safe, darling!!! I’ve never experienced any kind of natural phenomena like that so I can’t imagine how scary that must be! I hope everything turned out well x

Anonymous said: I read what happened to you at work and deeply sorry. I’m sure you are more than aware of this but their reaction is a reflection of themselves than of you. You have the full power to enjoy and like what you please. Also, it is okay to bite back when it is needed. It may be hard to, but sometimes it’s healthy to stand up for yourself at times. Of course it is easier said than done. Remember you’re a goddess! Take back your power ✨

Thank you so, so much!!!! I’m not really all that affected by what happened anymore; it was only a week ago but already I’ve reached that nice part of apathy where you still care but you’re like, aa fuck it, I don’t wanna be hurt by it anymore. Standing up for myself is very hard; I’m a lot like Arthur in that respect: I put my head down, bite my tongue and take it because I hate confrontation. I hate it so much so I’d rather stay quiet. My parents told me I need to be a bit less Arthur and a bit more Joker; maybe in time that bite will come to me xp thank you honey! Your words mean a lot; I’m always here if you ever wanna talk about anything!!!

Anonymous said: I just read what you said about your coworkers. Honestly that's so horrible and I hope you're feeling better soon. ♡ I feel you so much, things like that happened to me all the time while I was still in school. But please, don't hate yourself. You have such a beautiful mind, you have talent & creativity most of them couldn't even dream of. It's not your fault that they can't see how beautiful being an introvert & a daydreamer can be. You're wonderful the way you are. ♡ ( @buried-in-windy-meadows )

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that, too, it’s an awful feeling when you try to be yourself and people are mean. I hope you know that they are no reflection on you, as the previous anon says - it’s all on them! Thank you so much; your words mean a lot <3 I’ve always been this way, for as long as I can remember I’ve lived inside my head, so I see no reason to change; I’m happy in, not necessarily myself, but my imagination and my creativity is my favourite part of myself (even when I’m at war with the rest of me, I can find solace in my imagination and I’m very lucky to have that) and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Anonymous said: I’m pretty sure you’re on the opposite side of the world from me so I just wanted to let you know your words and your attitude are making someone on the other side of the planet smile. We are all so lucky to have you and to have this movie to connect us. It makes me feel really human 🧡

This film is without a doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me - we’ve all found a home, a place to go to vent and to write and to support each other and it’s so beautiful how such a tragic, grisly and dark film has brought light to so many of us. Arthur would adore it, I know he would. Thank you, darling, this means a lot to me! Please know I’m always here for you should you ever need anything or just wanna drop a line! <3

rafaelina-casillas said:Aw, I'm so so sorry that happened to you! People can be so nasty - especially to those who never deserved it! I hope you're feeling a lot better now! I can only say that in my country (where Halloween is not a tradition but more and more people are celebrating it) I saw at least 5 or 6 people in less than an hour who were doing the same makeup as you - and no one tried to mock them. I guess you had the worst luck with your colleagues but try to not mind them. They don't deserve your nerves! 💖

Exactly! I didn’t go out with my makeup, I just stayed home and enjoyed my private and personal display of love for Joker - I’m sure he’d have been flattered! And I dared to open up to my colleagues; it’s a mistake I won’t make twice, that’s for sure. Thank you, you’re always so kind to me and it means a lot - will have to DM you soon!

insfirebunny said: You look so cute and your writing is a pure gold. Stay strong

Thank you so, so much, you’re too kind!!! Take care of yourself, love! <3

Anonymous said: binge watching Batman: The Animated Series this weekend. Mark Hamil’s joker is amazing tbh

I’ll have to check that out; see if it’s on Netflix or Youtube. I hope you had a wonderful weekend! <3

theclownsqueen said: Hi! Im a new page, i love your page so much and your work is amazing! Sorry just thought I'd drop by. :)

Yeeeees ohmygoodness I gotta reply to your DM; I’ve got so many lmao <3333 thank you so much, you’re far too kind, I hope you continue to enjoy my works; I’m always here if you need anything x

Anonymous said: I relate to Arthur so bad. I’ve always been a loner and really shy, plus I’ve been helping out my mother a lot with financial problems. Once I saw the movie in theaters I just fell in love with it and it really brings me joy to read your fics. I just wish I wouldn’t get labeled a weirdo or freak for openly expressing that I like Arthur. Just makes me feel ashamed for liking something which sucks.

Thank you, darling - I’m glad my works can bring you joy; that’s really all I want to do with my writing is to help people in the moments they most need it. Even if all I manage to do is make your lips quirk upwards, that means I’ve done what I set out to do! I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time of it and I hope things start to look up for you soon! <3 The people who should feel ashamed are the ones labelling you for expressing yourself; truly, they’re the punchline of the joke Arthur was laughing at during the end of the film. Don’t let them take your sun from you, love - that means they’re winning. Please know I’m always here for you; don’t be afraid to drop me a line! <3

Anonymous said: I love your writing!

Thanks, honey! That means a lot <3

Anonymous said: Any tips for fic writers out there? Love your work btw!

There’s so much I could tell you but honestly, rules and guidelines don’t matter. Just have fun with it. Write what you wanna write in the way you wanna write it, when you wanna write it, and if anyone doesn’t like it, then who cares? Do it for you, even if you’re fulfilling requests for other people. Step back when you gotta, don’t be afraid to turn down writing requests if you don’t gel with them or you just don’t wanna or you’re not comfy with it, and really just have fun. If you have fun with the work you put in, then it’ll shine through and people’ll love it!

writings-of-a-gen-z said: hey love hope everythings going okay for you and the world isnt being too mean x

You’re too good to me, you always are. Thanks, love, and the same for you <3 sending hugs and love!

jibanyyan submitted:

I love your writing so so so so much you don’t even know it! I get excited each time I get notified that you posted again and I even take my time to read them in uni!!!

Just know that I love your blog and you can always reach out to me if you need someone to talk to even though we don’t know each other!

Much love goes out to you love xx

Thank you so, so much omgggggg you’re always so kind and supportive and it’s???? amazing ???? Please know the same for you; I’m almost always online when I’m not at work (even when I’m studying I have tumblr open in case people need me lmao) so I’ll reply .p. quickly! <3333 thank you so much omgggg sending you loads of love and hugs, I hope you’re well!

harlyquln said: when do you plan on opening requests again? 🥵

I’m not sure yet, love, but because I love to put myself under pressure lmao because nothing will make you work like an impending deadline, shall we say the beginning of December? That gives me just under 3 weeks to write almost 40 requests and honestly, that seems reasonable (ish). <3

Anonymous said: your comfort fics are always so beautiful 💕 i’ve never felt like i was actually IN an imagine before i read one of yours. you’re honestly one of my fav authors

Omggggg thank youuuuuu~ comfort fics are my favourite thing to write so that means so much! <3

kat-o-combs said: Good morning sunshine ☺️ I hope your day is going well. You deserve happiness, comfort, and contentment 💕 love ya!

Omgggg you’re always so good to me wtfffff <3333 thank youuu I hope the same for you too; you deserve all the best things in life! Love you too x

Anonymous said: Hope you're gonna feel better! I've discovered your blog... a week ago, I think, and your stories have helped me more than you'll ever know. I find a lot of comfort and support to keep me going when I read your stories and I'm so thankful for your blog. :)

Anonymous said: Hope you're gonna feel better! I've discovered your blog... a week ago, I think, and your stories have helped me more than you'll ever know. I find a lot of comfort and support to keep me going when I read your stories and I'm so thankful for your blog. :)

Helping people with my writing is a literal dream so thank you for telling me this! When I write the softer comfort imagines, they’re very emotionally draining and I have to dig deep to write them so usually I come away feeling old wounds and pretty tired in myself; I take care of myself in the ways I know helps (funnily enough, writing is both the issue and the solution) and I come back out on top. Thank you very much for telling me this, I’m glad I’m able to help you! <3

Anonymous said: Awww I hope you feel better soon!!

I do, darling, thank you so much x

Anonymous said: Sneaking up to nuzzle Arthur, then blowing a raspberry on his neck and watching him grin and shy away with a giggle.

Yeeeees~ lmaooooo it’s what he deserves!!!!!! <33333

Anonymous said: I saw joker for the second time and I think I've finally accepted in myself what you had a while ago. Arthur feels like home, he feels like comfort. When he would be dancing or just even smile I felt like I was there and I felt like everything was okay. I've fallen in love with a fictional character, but I can accept that. Because escaping with him brings me so much joy and love, I cant imagine being without it

Neither can I, nonnie. I’ve felt love for characters before but never like this. Never. I never wanna be without him or without this community again. We found a home in Arthur Fleck and fuck he’d love that so much. I’m glad he’s able to to bring you joy and love, it’s all he’d want for you and he’d be so proud of you!!! <3

Anonymous said: I had a dream about arthur last night???? Like I got into a car crash and he came and got me and brought me home and cuddled me and gave me kisses and honestly the dream was super scattered but so nice wow

That sounds like such a lovely dream omg loving Arthur and being loved right back??? Where do we sign up?? <3

Anonymous said: wish i could make Arthur a flower crown right now god damn

A) he’d look so fucking cute and B) he’d wear it around the apartment all the time omgggggg ~ he’d never wear it outside bc he’s scared it’ll get lost or stolen or broken but at home he’d cherish it so much and he’d look adorable ohhhh~ ;33333

Anonymous said: Hey, Ily and all though I'm not the biggest fan of Joker fics I just want you to know I still support and care for you

Thank you honey, this means a lot!!!! If this isn’t your scene, you’re welcome to unfollow, I won’t be mad or anything at all. Thank you for your continued support if you decide to stay, though, it means so much x

rebs-doom said:reminder that u r my fave person bye

Come here and let me love you, you precious, beautiful soul. I love you so much.

Anonymous said: What do you get when you cross a sad, touch-starved man with a blog that cherishes him and treats him well? I'll tell you what you get, you get what you fucking deserve. *smooch*

Can you imagine:

“Hey, Arthur?”

Arthur made a soft noise of acknowledgement from where he was sleepily cuddled into your side.

“Wanna hear a joke?”

“Mm,” He chuckled, “What?” He blearily opened his eyes to gaze at you fondly.

*You tell him this joke but swap ‘blog’ for ‘person’ and kiss him before he can react*

And see how fast he gives you what you deserve ;) ;)

(high key it’d become a way for you to say ‘i love you’ without saying it. Like, “you’re always so good to me” // “it’s what you deserve”) <333 sweet boi deserves the world.

Anonymous said: Can I just say how much of a blessing you are to the Arthur Fleck/Joker fandom!

Istg I’m drowning in all this love omggggg you’re far too kind to me I’m just a simple girl pouring out her love for Arthur/Joker into her blog because it’s got nowhere else to go <333333333 thank you so much!!! <3333

Anonymous said: I feel so sad for Arthur; he pretty much had the world against him from day one. I could only imagine some of the stuff he'd gone through when he was small. I just see baby Arthur lying in a filthy crib, crying for his mother's comfort or from hunger, and Penny just not even noticing it or caring.

I know :( it’s so tragic and dark and there are thousands of Arthur Flecks in real life who are unseen and defeated and broken down but they can’t get help but they’re trying and they work so hard and they just. Keep. Going. I left the cinema each time crying really hard and got home and cried some more for Arthur and for all the people, including myself, who watched the film and saw pieces of themselves in Arthur. When I think of Penny, I find it oddly funny that she always called him ‘Happy’ when he was anything but and it was only until she died that he became what she always thought he was. It’s beautifully ironic, in a strange way.

Okay, so uh... I gotta not let asks build up like that again lmao this took me two hours wowowowow <3333 I’m aiming to get some writing done today, there’s three or four pieces I’ve started and not finished so I’ll work on those. Thanks, loves, you have no idea how much you all mean to me! <3

[l0velyang3l]

Yowane Haku x Reader “A Wonderful Night With You”

here’s my first fanfic in over two years! I’m not really a god writer so pls be kind to me ;m;

The eerie buzz of fluorescent lights permeated the desolate atmosphere of the 7-11; after all 2am isn’t necessarily rush hour. But, as a massive otaku and night owl; you required some refueling. This new season won’t watch itself now will it? Absentmindedly you plopped your mediocre feast into the basket. Super spicy ramen, canned coffee, a matcha bun, konpeito, and dried squid weren’t necessarily healthy, but they were delicious in their own right. Your eyes drifted towards the alcohol section. You shrugged, mumbling “fuck it” as you strode over. 

In your all nighter stupor however you failed to not bump into the other occupant of the section. The woman stumbled back, nearly dropping the massive bottle of sake she clutched. “Ah crap! I’m sorry miss, you okay?” You bowed, looking down in embarrassment. 

“Eh, to be honest if you didn’t bump into me I would’ve knocked you to the ground! Don’t sweat it.” The woman chuckled, smiling sweetly. You glanced up, feeling relieved. But suddenly this woman looked a bit… Familiar. That cool calm smile, beautiful crimson eyes, that suave voice.. Oh my god it’s Yowane Haku!

“Holy hell you’re Yowane Haku!” Haku chuckled again, twiddling with her long strands of white hair.

“I am! I take it you’ve heard me sing on Nico Nico?” You nodded vehemently. 

“I really like your work actually! It stands out so much in the vast sea of utau and vocaloid idols out there, its so sophisticated!”

“Eh you really think so? You’re far too sweet, I’m not used to the fanfare. I have to ask, what’s your name?”

“(y/n)! Although it’s not too important haha!”

“It definitely is.”She looked down at your basket, pointing curiously. “Are you one of those people who live streams eating?” You puffed up defiantly.

“No I am not into mukbangs! This is just how I refuel during the night when I..” Your face turned beet red, you nearly just told your favorite singer that you’re an otaku! “Hang out.” “That was a close one.” You thought to yourself.

“Ah it’s okay, I’m just teasing! I do the same thing when I binge anime.” You nearly choked.

“YOU’RE AN OTAKU??” You blurted excitedly. She nodded proudly.

“Yup! Neru chan teases me for it but there’s just something that draws me in about it.  Maybe it's escapism?” 

“You and Neru chan are friends?” Haku nodded, the look in her eyes growing softer. That made your heart practically explode. She was even more breathtaking in person.

“Yes, for a long time now actually! She was big on Nico Nico before I really got serious about it, she’s one of my ‘biggest fans’ I suppose. We actually went drinking recently together, she really is something special..” Haku seemed to slip out of reality for a second, her expression faltered. An eerie loneliness struck you. 

“She’s this famous upcoming idol, why do I feel like I’ve uncovered a secret sadness?” You snapped out of your thoughts. “Haku san, forgive me if this is too forward.. But what are you up to tonight?” She wiggled the gargantuan bottle of sake, grinning mischievously. 

“Finishing this big thing! And.. Probably watching some shoujo anime until dawn.”

“Want company? It just so happens that my tv is pretty large and is super nice, plus I’ll buy you snacks!” Her eyes widened, pink dusting her cheeks. “I-If that’s too weird, I totally understand!” She shook her head, grabbing a basket. 

“Eh?! N-Not at all, drinking’s better with company right?” You nodded, grabbing a couple cans of Sapporo from the cooler. 

“You’re absolutely right.”

.

.

.

.

The sudden reality of your situation slammed down full force, your heart rate nearly tripling once you two entered your living room. Yowane Haku, a singer you’ve admired since her debut, is drinking with you. Not just at a bar, but in the comfort of your own home. She was so much more gorgeous and charming than you could imagine. The second you tow walked in, Haku screwed off the cap on her sake. You looked at her in awe as she took a long swig. She exhaled, clanking the bottle on the coffee table. “Ah!~ If I’d known better I would’ve gotten two bottles ehehe..” She glanced over at you, quickly becoming embarrassed. “Ah I’m so sorry, are.. You sure you want to hang out? I kind of drink a lot.. Is that bad?”

You smiled, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Of course I want to hang out! There’s nothing I’d rather be doing right now.” You were taken aback by your own words, biting your lip nervously. “The only bad thing about you drinking a bunch is the hangover you’ll have tomorrow.” You chuckled, plopping the snacks on the table, careful to avoid disturbing the ⅙ scale figure displayed on it. Haku seemed surprised by your actions, her eyes seemed to glimmer with relief.

“Thank you (y/n)..” She watched your actions closely, seeming to enjoy your company more and more. An indescribable calm washed over her, not entirely due to the sake. You flipped through AnimeHoudai, landing on Akkun to Kanojo. 

“You ever seen this show?” Haku sipped some sake, shaking her head no.

“No, what’s it about?” She mumbled,in between sips. God could she get any cuter? This was such a relaxed, casual side of Haku that you never imagined seeing. Every second felt golden with her.

“W-well it’s about this couple right? The guy’s a total tsundere and bullies his girlfriend who’s this innocent angel. It’s super cute and really funny, it’s unique seeing such a brutally tsundere guy in a shoujo series honestly.” Haku giggled, wiping a droplet of booze off her bottom lip. 

“The guy sounds like Neru, I’ve noticed anytime she gets.. Flirty with a girl she’s a total tsundere, too bad she scares them off after relentlessly bullying them!” You cracked open your sapporo, sitting beside her on the couch. 

“Not gonna lie, I could totally see Neru being a tsundere.” Haku snickered.

“I wonder why~” Haku gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “Ah I didn’t mean that in a mean way I promise! She’s very kind and gentle, please don’t get a bad impression of her!” You patted her back. 

“Haku, you’re literally one of the least malicious people I’ve met; you’re totally fine! I promise.” She looked up at you, your reassurance truly meant a lot to her. You met her gaze, her soft doe eyes entrancing you. Your heart pounded, the sudden intimacy of the situation becoming palpable. 

“Hey, (y/n) kun?” She whispered. You gulped. She inched closer to you, your faces mere centimeters apart.

“Yes Haku san?”

“I know this is probably a silly question.. But, why do you like my songs? I mean, all the other utaus are so impressive, especially when compared to vocaloids.. Why do you prefer mine?”

“Because they aren’t run of the mill sappy pop songs, they’re full of so much emotion! There’s so much passion put into each one! They connect to me on a level other utaus and vocaloids just… don’t. Sure Miku is cool and I won’t lie to you and say I’m not a fan of other singers, but none of them compare to yours. They’re ballads of raw emotion, that’s why your songs are so close to my heart.”  You placed a shaky hand on her cheek, setting your nervousness aside. “I’m really happy I met you Haku san, not just because you’re a great musician, but I think you’re a great person too.” Her mouth fell agape, she couldn’t even begin to process what you had just said to her. It was as if an angel descended from heaven, cleansing her of any worries. She placed her hand over yours, closing her eyes. Your touch was intoxicating.

“(y/n) kun, I’m happy I met you too.. More than you can imagine really.” She grabbed your wrist, pulling your arm around her waist. She snuggled against your chest, your heartbeat drumming loudly into her ear. A chill ran up your spine, awkwardly you wrapped both arms around her. In response, she tucked an arm behind your back, drawing you closer. “But, I think Akkun to Kanojo sounds fun.” 

“Y-yeah I think so too!” You pressed play, then grabbed your sapporo. Cracking it open, you took a couple sips. The earthy brew warmed you up, making you even more cozy. The two of you began bingng the series, grazing on snacks and copiously drinking. Two beers quickly disappeared, along with a bottle of sake. It became apparent over time that drunkenly watching anime with the girl of your dreams was literally the best thing ever.

“Ah, (y/n) kun you have something on your lip! Lemme get that for youuu~” Without warning Haku kissed you, the taste of sake staining her lips. No matter how much alcohol you consumed, this caught you completely off guard. She wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling you closer. Her large bust pressed against you, making your mind grow foggy. You kissed back, wrapping your arms around her waist. The kiss deepened, instinctively you nibbled on her lip. She squeaked in surprise, her drunken confidence slipping away. She crawled up into your lap, your hands raking over her petite back. She pulled her lips away, her face flushed. You placed your hands on her hips, looking up at her lovingly.

“(y/n) kun?” 

“Yes Haku san?” She paused, tilting up your chin. She inched her lips closer to yours once again.

“Is this what love feels like? This pounding feeling in my chest, the warmth and happiness… Do you feel it too?” You nodded.

“I feel it too Haku san.. I felt this way even before I met you.” She kissed your forehead. 

“I’m so happy (y/n) kun, I’ve never had this with someone before. Isn’t that embarrassing?” She looked at you, clearly ashamed.

“No, not at all. It only makes this more special.”

“Is it too soon to.. You know..”

“I love you too Haku san.” She smiled, hugging you tightly.

“I love you, (y/n) kun.” Wordlessly the two of you drifted into a peaceful slumber. The warmth of being in each other’s arms was indescribably comforting, Yowane Haku’s soft skin against yours, her flowing hair draped across you two, her gentle breathing, every last bit of it was bliss. This was definitely the start of something wonderful.

[jbbarnesandnoble]

Forever and Always: Part 6

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Series Summary: You and Bucky used to date, until someone got in between you two. After a year without seeing him, he pops up in your life again, and old feelings with him?Harsh words can never taken back, but can they be forgiven?

Chapter Summary: Christmas Eve/Day, New Year’s Eve

Word Count: 2,131 

Warnings: Things are gonna get super messy from here on out:)

A/N: Y/N/N stands for, Your nickname. Sorry for the delay, my brother came from Australia to visit for 3 weeks -he actually leaves today, so I’m not sure when I’ll see him next- and my older sister came from Florida for a few days. So we had a family reunion. Which is why I haven’t been working on F&A. Please leave some feed back, I love to know what you all are thinking. If you want me to tag you in this series feel free to let me know!

Christmas Eve

Back when you were in college you started a tradition where every Christmas Eve you would bake cookies for all of your close friends and family members.

Slowly that small tradition turned into something much bigger. You started baking cookies for your neighbors, co-workers, even your mail man Happy

His real name is Harold, you call him Happy because he always seems to be so happy whenever you see him.

At six-thirty you decide to start baking. Natasha went out with Clint to pick up some last minute things for tomorrow. You take advantage of having the place to yourself, playing your music at full volume. After gathering all the necessary ingredients and items you’ll need, you put on your favorite apron. It’s the one Bucky got you, as soon as he found out your love for baking he practically ran out of his house to get it for you. He told you that he thought the 1940′s style suited you. You weren’t quite sure what that meant, but you couldn’t deny how sweet the gesture was.

A while later you’re dancing around singing at the top of your lungs, using a spoon covered in cookie batter as your microphone. Which is probably why you didn’t notice Nat come home. Or when she called out your name.

“Did you start the Christmas Cookie festivities without me?” Nat manages to yell over the music. Her sudden appearance makes you jump.

“My gosh woman, maybe try a warning next time.” you place your hand over your heart, trying to calm yourself down after experiencing a near heart attack.

“Maybe try turning your music down next time, and I did. I called your name like three times." she sasses you back, placing a hand on her hip

“Oh... Sorry.”

“I can’t believe you would start baking without me.” ignoring your apology she makes her way towards the kitchen counter.

“I didn’t know when you would be home and I didn’t feel up to baking at 2-am.” which was true, but you also prefer baking alone. You can do it at your own pace and you don’t have to worry about the other person asking  you what to do. Plus it helps to calm your nerves.

“Well, I’m back now. Put me to work Y/N/N.” her red lips spread into an effortlessly beautiful smile. You baked a decent amount of the cookies already. You only have a few batches left to make. While Nat works on make more batter, you start decorating a few of the cooled cookies. 

After all of the cookies have cooled and been decorated Nat helps you assemble the cookie bags 

“I think we’ve outdone ourselves this year, Y/L/N.” Nat licks a bit of frosting off her index finger.

“I think you’re right, Romanoff.” You say with a smile

Christmas Day

You spend the day running from place to place, spending most of the morning with your family. Then meeting up with Bucky and Sam before going to Steve and Peggy’s place for a bit. Afterwards you stop by Wanda’s small apartment located directly above her jewelry store to drop off her present. You didn’t stay long, seeing as her brother is in town for the holidays and you didn’t want to be in the way of their time together. 

After a long day you’re happy to relax home, Nat spent the day with Clint and his family. You say hi to him briefly when he drops her off. 

“Are you ready for the real Christmas festivities to begin?” Nat says with a sly smile. You know she can only mean one thing.

“If you mean, Christmas pajamas, Eggnog, cookies, and binge watching cheesy Christmas Rom-Coms? Then of course I am!” You both let out an excited squeal. The two of you have had the same Christmas tradition for as long as you can remember. It has always been your favorite part of the whole holiday. 

“You get the food I’ll set up the movies.” Nat says a bit too excitedly

You spend the rest of your night happily watching movies and eating junk food while spending time with one of your best friends.  

  New Year’s Eve

You wake up slowly already regretting tonight. You have no reason to be anticipating the worst. You have no reason to. Yet for some reason you have it in your mind that something is going to get wrong.  

You told Nat, Wanda, and Peggy that you've been dreading this night since you agreed to it and have no idea why. Tonight isn’t meant to be making you stress so much. In fact, it’s meant to be quiet the opposite, nothing more than a fun night with your friends. The three of them agreed that you were just being paranoid and that you have no reason to be worrying. But somehow that only made you feel worse.

"What could possibly go wrong?" You think, trying to reassure yourself. Even though you know that is the last question you should be asking yourself. Because once you ask that, every possible thing that could go wrong, goes wrong.

You’ve spent the last few hours trying on different outfits only to rip them back off and throw them onto the mountain of clothes that is taking over your bed. You plop onto your it with a tired huff. 

If Nat were here she would help you pick an outfit no problem. But alas she’s not, she went out with Clint this morning and told you that she would meet you at the party later on.

The thought of canceling crosses your mind a couple of times, but is quickly replaced with the picture of Bucky smiling brightly at you when you first agreed to go that day in the coffee shop.

You sit up with an aggravated huff. Looking around your messy room you finally decide it’s not worth stressing over and grab a plain black dress from the top of the clothing pile on your bed.

After a quick shower, you get dressed and apply a bit of makeup. Once you’re ready you begrudgingly leave the comfort of your small New York apartment.

An hour later you find yourself sitting in your car outside of Bucky's apartment building. After giving yourself a bit of a prep talk you head inside, making your way for the small elevator.

Getting inside you press the small button that'll take you to his floor. You stand there watching the floor numbers getting higher and higher, your anxiety growing with each floor. When you finally reach his floor you slowly make your way towards his apartment.

Even though it's been over a year since you've been to his place you still know the building like the back of your hand.

You're about to turn down his hallway, but stop short when you hear loud footsteps thumping down the hallway. You turn around to see Sam with a crooked smile planted on his face.

"Hey Y/N!" you give Sam a knowing head nod and smile.Without missing a beat you fist bump as he walks up to you.

You exchange pleasantries before you continue on your way, walking together.

Without knocking Sam leads you inside Bucky's apartment. As soon as you step inside a wave of old forgotten memories and nostalgia washes over you. You're too busy looking around to notice Sam left your side to say hi to everyone in the living area.

You only seem to notice the loud music and all of your friends sitting around laughing when Clint calls you over. You smile to everyone before taking a seat on the couch next to Wanda.

As soon as you take your seat you notice someone missing from the group. Looking around you lean closer to Wanda.

"Where's Buck?" You whisper, the question being for Wanda's ears only. She doesn't answer you, only nodding towards the kitchen. You offer her a small smile before sneaking off.

Slowly you open the door to the kitchen to reveal Bucky working on some last minute preparations for tonight. He has always been a perfectionist when it comes to hosting a party, even when it's as small as it is today. Everything has to be perfect.

You don't want to ruin this moment by walking inside the kitchen, instead you chose to lean on the door frame, watching Bucky work intently.

"Hey." You say quietly, smiling at him. If your sudden presence scared him he doesn't show it. Instead he grins at you.

"Hey Y/N."

"What's so important that it demands your attention. While your friend are having fun without you in the other room." You ask walking over to him

"That's a secret." Bucky says with an easy smile and wink. Even though he's smiling you can always tell when something is bothering him.

"What's wrong Buck?" You ask him softly putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing that you need to concern yourself with doll." He tries to give you a reassuring smile, but you can see the worry behind it.

"Is it your dad again?" For as long as you have known James Barnes his dad has had health issues. Whenever he falls ill Bucky has to take charge of the company, putting more stress on him than he already has.

Bucky has always been the type to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, no matter what he's going through. And if he was ever offered the world? He would refuse it.

He gives you another small smile -sad this time- and a weak nod.

Without another word you place your hand on his shoulder and offer him a small reassuring smile in return.

You're all out in the living room when a few more of Bucky’s friends arrive. You remember a few of them from previous parties and company events that Bucky invited you to.

"Hey Y/N, wanna get a refill with me?" Nat shakes the ice in her empty glass. She exchanges a strange look with Peggy and Wanda. Before you agree, even though your glass is still full.

"Haha, what's going on? You girls are making me nervous." You know you didn't have to add the last part, they can clearly tell you're concerned from how you’re acting.

"Y/N, Natasha and I have something to tell you." Peggy's words are gentle and slow.

"Go ahead Nat, tell her what you told me." Wanda puts her hand on Nat's.

"As you know, Bucky is in a relationship." She starts slowly.

"The other day -on our way to drop some things off here- Peg and I accidentally overheard a... strange conversation."

"It was a man and a woman. The man seemed to be frustrated about something, he even gave her a deadline." Peggy adds

"He said something about not getting the money fast enough, that whatever it is their planning, it shouldn't be taking this long." Nat looks at Peggy, hoping she'll fill you in on some of the blanks.

"From what we could understand, we assume that these people were lying and manipulating some poor soul for his money."

"Wait, what does this have to do with me and Bucky and his girlfriend?" The last part comes out just above a whisper, realizing what they’re trying to say.They must hear the worry in your voice, because they all step closer to you. Placing their hands on your shoulders.

“You don’t mean...” The next words don’t leave your mouth, you can’t bring yourself to say it. Luckily you don’t have to.

"We were going to just ignore what we overheard... that was before we heard the woman speak..." Nat stops, the words disappearing from her mouth. She can't seem bring herself to say the nasty part either.

"Y/N, It was Bucky's girlfriend." To your surprise it’s Wanda who speaks this time.

"We think she's using James for his money. We don't have any solid proof. But from their conversation her intentions seem pretty clear.” Peggy adds, you look into her bright brown eyes. You don’t miss the hint of pity or sadness in them, though you pretend you did. You look at your friends, the shock and fear evident on your face. You don’t bother hiding your emotions, you’re comfortable enough around them to be yourself.

“W-what?” Your voice comes out barely a whisper. You aren’t sure what to do, heck, you can barely process what they just told you. You can only think of one thing, of one person. I have to tell him. Plays over and over in you mind before you speak.

“I have to tell him, I have to tell Bucky.” this time your voice and eyes are full of determination.

Part 7

Tag List: @justreadingfics @soopranatural @invisibleanonymousmonsters @bloodyproudpotterhead @marvelsbangtan @void-imaginations @ladifreakingda @the-canary @taliarosej00 

[planetoban]

Savin’s Answers from Twitter, Part 4!

Still catching up on the backlog; this post covers tweets from May 2018 through October 2018

As always, tweets are in order from most to least recent, and answers are not 100% true/canon since things may change during production of the sequel. Text is unedited save for formatting; in a few places I added [comments] for context.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Also: If you’re going to ask Savin something, please be respectful and appropriate. He’s a person just like you and me.

@jeltezandberg1: I also hope the dutch dub would be re-released on blue ray. Because the dutch DVD version was never fully released ,except for the first volume. The reason for it was because the publisher responsible for the dutch DVD version went bankrupt.

@EiffelSavin: Not cool. We'll see what we can do but unfortunately we don't own the rights to that dub

(x)

@RedVioletPanda: I'm wondering, does Aikka have any other family besides his parents? Also does Spirit have a family or not?‏

@EiffelSavin: If we produce the spinoff you'll have your answer regarding Aikka

(x)

@GaulStg2713: I watched a few episodes back when Oban first aired, and recently I just finished binge-watching the whole thing and now I've learned about this! Awesome! (Is it too much to ask for a heroic Crog guy in this one? I love their design and was sad the only Crog we got were jerks.)‏

@EiffelSavin: I agree with you. If we do produce a sequel your wish may be granted... 😉

(x)

@ILOVE659709491: I’m curious if Maya had not died in a racing crash but had still died due to illness or in a way DW couldn’t blame himself for, would Don Wei still have abandoned Eva and have the same severe reaction to Maya’s death even if it wasn’t in a racing crash, or would DW

‏@ILOVE659709491: have raised Eva & maybe remarry and not have as severe a reaction to Maya’s death but actually move on from it sooner if Maya had not died in a racing crash?

@EiffelSavin: I don't think he would have abandonned Eva if Maya hadn't died a crash. She died while racing for his team. That made him feel directly responsible.

(x)

@Helloworld1012: Sounds interesting. Also, I have to ask regarding OSR 2 has a plotline already been decided?

@EiffelSavin: Yes. We're moving ahead very slowly, but we do have a pretty good idea of where we want to take the new show

(x)

@Dmitry14846442: I wonder if the full version of "Never say Never" exists at all.

@EiffelSavin: Not sure.... ABC family made me listen to it before they chose it but I don't remember how long it was. If it wasn't intended to be released as a single, then there's probably only the short version though.

(x)

@AshBashS_: Ever thought about setting up a type of Kickstarter or patreon? I know those who love the series would like to help out any way they can.

@EiffelSavin: That's certainly an option for a bluray release, a pilot or some early development.

@EpicLoneDreamer: Man... Still hard to understand how geniuses can be broke. The sequel is written already? OMG. What about two queens? 11 years waiting!

[note: AFAIK Savin hasn’t said anything about the sequel’s script being finished]

@EiffelSavin: I must bear the blame for some of it, with zero talent for brown nosing & for choosing projects that stand a little out of the ordinary. Another part can be put on the production system, especially in France, which tends to favor doing the same safe stuff over and over again...

(x)

@penguin_elder: the second question  why did jordan easily submit to the idea of becoming avatar,seeing from his actions he wanted to be with molly ithought he would be the first one to disagree on such a big responsibility.keep doing what your doing you're fan from the middleeast

@EiffelSavin: Jordan had sort of a predisposition as he gradually realized Eva didn't have the same feelings for him that he had. Then came a rare chance to save the galaxy, even if it meant losing all he had been. Jordan took it. Cause that's the kind of guy he is & also out of <3 for Eva...

(x)

@Helloworld1012: I’m now super curious, in ep 17 Mrs Stern said something about Eva being capable of stealing from a shop of leaving a hotel room without paying for it. So I’m curious, Is Eva actually capable of stealing or leaving a hotel room without paying for it? I had she

@Helloworld1012: actually done that before? I know Eva’s rebellious, but I can also see she’s a bit of a ”goody-two-shoes.” So I’m curious is Eva actually capable of breaking the law

‏@EiffelSavin: Well, it's the evil headmistress speaking so we can't take her words for granted. But she does hint that during previous attempts to escape from her boarding school Eva may have not always strictly stuck to the law.

(x)

@TengIlar: Hey, guys! There are no announcements, no arts, no teasers, no trailers, no news - nothing at all! Are you still alive? #OSR #OBAN #oban_star_racers

@EiffelSavin: Alive but dealing with a number of different projects, not all related in animation in my case. If you really want to know, I've just spent two weeks leaving in the streets to do research on the lifes of homeless teenagers for one of these projects.

@Helloworld1012: Out of curiosity what project is that?

@EiffelSavin: A project about young punks surviving in the streets with their dogs. But I won't say anymore for the time being. It's very much a work in progress.

(x)

@MassimoJPN: I just got to know about the Blue-Ray project of OSR and I'm incredibly excited now !! Is there any chance that there is gonna be the german voice acting on the discs as well ? I would even get it without, but the old voices are childhood memories ! :)

@EiffelSavin: We should have French, English and Japanese. German is more problematic as we don't own the rights to that version.

(x)

@LiveforOban: I’m curious, do all star race teams managers own their own race team like Don Wei does, or do most star-race managers work for someone else & don’t own their own race team? Also, the show made it clear that when he was Maya’s manager Don Wei worked with only one

@LiveforOban: racer at a time & that his team used only one star-racer at a time, so why is it that in 2082, Wei Race has several star racers?

@EiffelSavin: There are other managers/owners like Don Wei but most teams were not able to survive without the support of a larger parent company. Remaining a relatively small team in terms of funds, Don Wei has usually concentrated all his means & efforts on one top racer: Maya then Rick.

@LiveforOban: So I’m guessing Maya was his first racer.

@EiffelSavin: yes

(x)

@ILOVE659709491: I know Maya was considered to be a beautiful young woman, but I’m curious when he was younger did women consider Don Wei to be a handsome man? In 2082 is Don Wei considered attractive?‏

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei was not bad looking but was no Don Juan either. His charm came from his intelligence and well as from the power of his dream to succeed in the racing business. That's probably what touched handsome Maya.

@ILOVE659709491: What does not bad looking even mean? Does that mean he was fairly attractive? Because I need more clarification on that.‏

@EiffelSavin: I mean not ugly by any means but not someone you'd turn around to look at when his walking down the street - unlike Maya.

(x)

@LiteMorgan: What’s the plan with the theme music? Aware there were a bunch of versions - Japanese, French, Japanese remix for most of EU, and the American version.

@EiffelSavin: We should have the original Yoko Kanno version + the french version as bonus. US version is less probable as we do not own the rights.

(x)

@EiffelSavin: Today I recovered the digital copies of  #ObanStarRacers' Japanese master tapes. We'll hopefully add the Japanese language tracks to our planned #bluray release !

@firechikara: Awesome! I hope you'll include the different Opening Theme (apparently from what I've seen, there's a short and long version) as a bonus.

@EiffelSavin: yes!

(x)

@ArkantosRedwolf: Do you have by any chance the Latin American dub? That would be the mother of all nostalgia if you could added to the bluray release.

@EiffelSavin: We'll try but this may be more difficult to obtain. We do not own the latin dub and had no direct part in their recording.

(x)

@Helloworld1012: I’m still really curious, but in ep 18 Maya was wearing a traditional Chinese dress during her date with DW and I’ve noticed her racing uniform resembles a Chinese dress, so is Maya from China or at the very least Chinese?‏

@EiffelSavin: I think I already answered that. Don Wei's origins are only hinted at but for me he's of Chinese origin and Maya isn't. Regarding the dress that was just to please Don. That beeing said anyone is free to interpret the series as he likes and make it his own 😊

(x)

@LiveforOban: Why did Don Wei have such a severe reaction to Maya’s death? No matter how much he loved her & no matter how brutal her death, Don’s reaction was to severe. Considering his personality changed he abandoned his kid & tried to forget his past.

@EiffelSavin: Extreme love can lead to extreme consequences. Romeo killed himself after Juliette killed herself. Don Wei's reaction to Maya's death was a little less radical but the idea is the same. He couldn't bare to leave without her all the more as he felt responsible for her death.

@LiveforOban: Doesn’t that basically mean Don Was obsessed with Maya?

@EiffelSavin: Yes, but in a good way - at least until she died. These two really loved each other and formed a perfect family before drama struck.

(x)

@vaatil: watching Oban with the pals for the first time, we re on episode three and i loVE RICK‏

@EiffelSavin: And rightly so - Rick is the top bad ass dude! 😉

(x)

@Helloworld1012: I'm curious, since their in the concept art but Are Aikka and Eva going to return as major characters in the sequel/spinoff? Also, I'm curious but what will happen to Aikka when he returns to Nourasia? If I'm not mistaken the Crogs are still in control of his planet,

@Helloworld1012: And he's already done several things in the race to risk banishment.‏

@EiffelSavin: Yes, but there's also a new Avatar now, which should change things a bit - or do they? 🙂

(x)

@ILOVE659709491: Did Kanaletto manipulate Eva’s life from the moment she was born? In episode 26 Kanaletto States so himself that for centuries he manipulated time just so he could find Eva & use her.‏

@EiffelSavin: Correct.

(x)

@djinni0024: I know you aren't on Twitter much, but for the sequel, do you guys plan on making it have a darker theme, with more adult tones to it? Most of us (that being your original fan audience) are well in our 20s-30s.

@EiffelSavin: That would be ideal, but it depends on who will finance us

(x)

@NoelCT: Beautiful work, as always. I've been excited to see 2 Queens for years. I'm sorry it's still taking so long to come together, but thankful you haven't given up on it.

@EiffelSavin: Haven't given hope! Actually currently looking for a new character designer to start over on a slightly different direction.

(x)

@KananJarrus: Would be awesome if the #ObanStarRacers Soundtrack got a re-release, for people (like me) who missed out on it years ago. Great, high quality soundtrack @EiffelSavin‏

@EiffelSavin: One of our plans with the Bluray release is to add all existing tracks as a potential bonus (and there's around 85 of them).

(x)

@Helloworld1012: I’m curious since it got to me, that during her time in the boarding school Eva most have done things besides drawing & mechanics to pass the time, but Does Eva like to read? & if so what kind of books did she like to read? Also in ep 18 I noticed Maya wore a chinese dress during her date with Don, is Maya from china or Chinese?

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei's surname implies that he's of Chinese origin, which would make Eva half Chinese. [Implying Maya isn’t Chinese]

@RyanMoate: I can imagine that if Eva read it would be articles about her father's racing career and probably manuals considering she built the rocket seat.‏

@EiffelSavin: Yes, a mechanical geek. Plus she loves hardcore techno - the best way for her to relieve her stress and teenage angst!

(x) (x)

[In response to Catsuka posting the OSR pilot]

@copperfield42: wow, it [Molly Star Racer] looked more silly that the final product...

@EiffelSavin: All the main ideas were in the pilot, but it was a little more comedy oriented and aimed at a slightly younger target audience. As we developed the world and the characters, we fond a new and more fitting equilibrium for the show.

(x)

@ILOVE659709491: I know there are other possibilities for DW's background, but I just want to know, could the theory that Don Wei was born to a high-class family in China, but that DW turned his back on the life he knew when he eloped with Maya also be a possible background for Don?

@EiffelSavin: Choose as you prefer. But bear in mind that you don't need to have been born in the "upper class" to want to behave like someone from the "upper class".

(x)

@Alix_Mei: One question, this series going to be in Netflix?

@EiffelSavin: too soon to say

(x)

@RedVioletPanda: Now that I'm thinking of it, would the Nourasians Knights be similiar to Shaolin practictioners @EiffelSavin ?

@EiffelSavin: Not a bad comparison. They both have strong training, both physical and mental, with the addition of magical training for Nourasian Knights.

(x)

@fictionjustis: Is DW’s grey hair due to stress & grief and has nothing to do with his age? In the flashbacks where Maya is alive DW seems to be in his 20s + DW and Maya seem to be the same age. Maya was only 28 when she died, meaning Eva was born when DW was in his early 20s‏

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei is a little older than Maya and more in his forties at the start the show. But stress may have also played a part

@fictionjustis: I’m curious, a little older is so vague. So does that mean Don Wei is only 2 years older than Maya or that his 5-10 years older than Maya? How many years of an age difference did Don & Maya have?‏

@EiffelSavin: I don't have my old notes with me but it was probably around 10 years older, or something close

@fictionjustis: Really, because they don’t look that far in age.

@EiffelSavin: May have been a little less but in real life it's often hard to tell if someone is 25 or 30. In animation, with stylised designs, it's even harder. The acting and body language play a big part.

(x)

@ILOVE659709491: Maya seems to influence Don Wei the same way Eva influences Aikka. Is it possible that though she didn’t introduce him to racing Maya may have encouraged Don Wei to follow his dreams & be a race manager even though it meant going against his parents wishes & expecta- -tions of him? Also DW has a strong comparison with Aikka is it possible that like Aikka DW came from a high-class family that placed high expectations on him?

@EiffelSavin: The main point these two have in common is that they had feelings for their partner or friend. Regarding Maya, it was more her parents who were against her becoming a racer. Not exactly what any parent would have in mind for their beloved daughter

(x)

[amy-de-l-abc]

Request Prompts Post

So I’ve had some people discover that you can’t see the prompts page on mobile (thanks, @spnimpalaimagines!), so here it is in post form :)

In one of the questions in my survey about request etiquette, I had a few authors respond saying that they prefer it if I send them multiple request prompts and let them choose which one to write. That being the case, I decided I might as well keep an ongoing list of my prompts, so I can give authors the link instead of sending them a gajillion different asks with requests.  This, therefore, is the aforementioned list.

Asterisks mean I really want this written, so if you are choosing between two or something and one of them has little stars, go for that one, please.

Anyone who finds this page is welcome to write any of these, but if you would give me credit for the idea and let me know so I can see what you’ve written, that would be great!

NOTE: Some of these, if not all of them, could be adapted/changed/inspiration for Reader x Sam or Reader x Dean or whoever.  Feel free to do so, and if you do, I’d still love to see what you do with it, so shoot me an ask or a Fan Mail or whatever!  If I request, I probably want Cas unless otherwise specified, but if you’re just looking for something to write, go for it!

CAS x READER

NEW! (8/30/2015) **Death’s Daughter** Inspired by a comment from hogwartsismyhometoo.  Reader is the daughter of Death (nope, not gonna tell you how that works.  Be creative! :) ).  That’s really all I’ve got, except she ends up with Cas.  I want to see something of the relationship between Reader and her dear old daddy (what kind of dad is Death, anyway?).  Also, it’d be awesome to see Death’s reaction to his daughter and an angel–especially this angel.

**The Phantom of the Opera** Reader and Cas have unexpressed feelings for one another.  Reader has joined a theater group and is playing Christine in “The Phantom of the Opera.”  She keeps it from Team Free Will because she figures they (or at least Dean) will think musical theater is stupid.  (How much or if they know about her singing abilities is up to you.)  They find out and come to a performance.  Cas, while impressed with how well she did, is jealous that Reader is kissing another guy up on stage.  This somehow comes out.  Cue lots of innocent fluff and admission of feelings!

   Fics based on this prompt:

Cas x Reader by supernatural-imagine-oneshot

**Book Club** Sam and Reader (and Charlie, if you want, but you don’t have to include her) end up forming a book club between the two (or three) of them. One day, Cas hears the discussion getting a little heated and comes in, wanting to know what’s going on. Upon having things explained to him, he decides he wants to join. Things get interesting when, having been introduced to classics such as Harry Potter, Cas discovers fandom pick-up lines and thinks they’re an appropriate way to express his growing affection for Reader. The situation is not helped by Sam and/or Charlie, who is/are just encouraging him. Please keep the pick-up lines innocent (yes, innocent pick-up lines do exist :) ). This was partly inspired by the various fanfics in which people (mostly Dean) try to get Cas to use pick-up lines, and he fails epically.  (NOTE:  If you include Charlie, please don’t have her hitting on the reader at any point.  Strictly friendship there, please.)

Doctor Who Gabriel shows up and zaps Reader into “Doctor Who” (9th or 10thDoctor era, please). TFW are left to watch as she participates in the show.  They discover that Reader/her character/whatever has a bit of a romance going with the Doctor; Cas gets jealous. When Gabriel brings her back, Reader finds out about Cas’ feelings for her for the first time (he could admit it, or Sam, Dean, or Gabriel (or any combination of the three) could tell her; whatever you want). Innocent fluff ensues!

   Fics based on this prompt:

The Strange Blue Box by theobsessivefanfic666

Changing Channels by imagine-teamfreewill

Babysitter Reader is not a hunter, but she knows about the life.  Somehow Team Free Will have gotten saddled with an angel fledgling (or more than one if you want) and are at a loss as to what to do.  They find her, a babysitter/nanny, and hire her to take care of the fledgling(s).  The Winchesters leave Cas with her, for protection and because he can help if the kid(s) try to fly or whatever.  Reader and Cas fall in love over the course of their babysitting adventure.

   Fics based on this prompt:

Adventures in Babysitting by amazhangdestiel

The Babysitting Job by talesoftheimpala

Promise by hatgirl2017

Nightmare Inspired by this.  Reader has a nightmare about Cas being hurt.  She wakes up and freaks out.  He appears to comfort her, and they end up admitting their feelings.

   Fics based on this prompt:

A Light in the Dark by soulofawinchester

My Weakness by hatgirl2017

Worry One of the Winchesters nearly dies on a hunt.  Cas heals him in time, and Reader breaks from all the worry and tension now that she knows her friend will be okay.  Cas comforts her, and somehow this turns into a confession of feelings and fluff between the two.  (If you want, they could still be in the room where whoever got hurt is—maybe he’s passed out or is asleep or something—and he wakes up to see them kissing or something…  The long and the short of it is, you get bonus points if we get to see one or both Winchesters’ reaction(s).)

Did It Hurt When You Fell From Heaven? This may have has probably been done before, but I would love to see a Reader x Cas where she doesn’t know who he is and is being flirtatious, and she asks him if it hurt when he fell from heaven.  Cas, being Cas, is all, “Yes, it did.  How did you know?” or something like that.  After that, it’s up to you.

   Fics based on this prompt:

The Pick Up Line by theobsessivefanfic666

Falling From Heaven by saving-people-shipping-things

Protective Dean’s hitting on Reader—not with serious intentions or because he actually likes her or anything, just, y’know, being Dean—and Cas gets all protective and tells him to quit.  Later (maybe when Reader asks him to explain or however you want), the angel admits his feelings (either verbally or with a kiss or something).  Prefer slightly!clueless!Cas.

   Fics based on this prompt:

Untitled by free-will-oneshots

Unavoidable by soulofawinchester

Let Me Call You Sweetheart Okay, so basically I just want Cas x Reader where he calls her “sweetheart.”  I don’t even care.  Bonus points if you include the song “Let Me Call You Sweetheart” by Bing Crosby or Henry Burr and the Peerless Quartet (the Bing Crosby version is shortened to just part of the lyrics; it seems to be the most well-known incarnation, but whichever one you want to use is fine with me. You can find the full lyrics on the Henry Burr page), but it’s not required.  Also, if you want to have him use more pet names, “darling” is also a favorite.

   Fics based on this prompt:

Untitled by free-will-oneshots

Allergies This one’s a bit complicated, as I apparently got the inspiration from this fic and wrote the request a few days later, when I couldn’t remember whether I had come up with the idea on my own or had gotten it from somewhere else.  (I found which fic it must have come from weeks later, when I was rereading things from my favorites.)  If you choose to use this prompt, please link to the fic I linked to above so that the author of the original will get credit for his/her idea.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s the actual prompt:  Cas has, at some point during his association with the Winchesters, learned about allergies (Dean or whoever probably explained them as symptoms that only happen when the person is exposed to something in particular, or something like that).  When he begins to develop feelings for Reader, the clueless angel naturally decides he must be allergic to her.  He goes to Sam and/or Dean for help (bonus points if it’s both of them), who laugh at/tease him good-naturedly and then try to get the two together.  Whether this is done by plotting of some kind or just by encouraging Cas to declare himself is up to you.  Bonus points if you include the song “You’re Not Sick (You’re Just In Love)“ (lyrics) from the Broadway show “Call Me Madam”.

   Fics based on this prompt:

Allergic Reactions by maymorning

Selfless Meg It would be really interesting to see a piece in which Meg (who honestly cares about Cas, at least for the purposes of the fic; I’m not sure what the general opinion of the fandom is on this, but I think maybe she does), seeing that Reader and Cas are in love with each other but haven’t said anything, is surprisingly selfless and helps them get together.  (Bonus if you can make her reasonably okay with this somehow; I hate it when anybody has to end sadly.  It’s up to you if you want to give her somebody else to love instead, or if she cares about Cas but is not so much in love with him that it hurts too much, or whatever.  Be creative, if you want.)  If you can balance the focus of the story between the budding romance and Meg’s sacrifice, that’s great, since I love seeing lots of fluff, too!

   Fics based on this prompt:

Resolutions of the Lonely by saving-people-shipping-things

Marian the Librarian I think it’d be awesome and super cute to see something where the reader works in a library and Cas comes in (for research or something, probably) and then keeps coming in because he wants to see her.  I figure it’d be kinda like a coffee shop AU but without the AU and the coffee shop.  If that makes any sense.  Partly inspired by the “To Go” series by supernaturalfreewill (Part 1 | Part 2).

The Meta Prompt Reader is a fan of the Supernatural books who used to write imagines, until she met TFW and discovered they were real. (I know, I know, you can tell what’s coming from a mile off. Just bear with me for some details, please.) Naturally, she keeps this a deadly secret from the boys. One or both of the Winchesters discovers it, however. (Note: READER IS NOT NECESSARILY IN THE BOOKS HERSELF. It’s up to you, but my inclination is to leave her out, because most of these “fan-discovers-SPN-is-real stories do end up with the reader in the books, so, you know, just to be different, you could keep her out.) Now, Cas has, at some point, been introduced to the wonders of e-mail. Having either been told or just figured out about her feelings for Cas, said Winchester(s) begin to e-mail her fics involving Cas to the angel himself, one at a time. And here, we have the part you’ve all been waiting for since the beginning: the angel somehow discovers that the fanfics are written by Reader, etc., and we end with confession of feelings and happy fluff. Inspired in part by “Fan Fictions” (found here).

IMPORTANT SPECIFICATIONS:

1.  No smut or anything very close, please.  Kissing and cuddling are much appreciated, but keep it innocent. Preferably no smut implied, either, as that makes it less relatable for me, but I can deal with it if that’s what you wanna do.

2.  As little cursing and “Oh, my God” as possible, please; preferably none at all from the reader.  If you need alternatives, the usual suspects apply:  “gosh,” “shoot,” “drat,” “darn,” “dang,” “heck,” etc.  If you want other alternatives, or are not sure when/how to use them, feel free to message me through ask/fan mail/whatever and I’ll help you out.

SLIGHTLY-LESS-IMPORTANT SPECIFICATIONS/PREFERENCES:

1.  FLUFF/SAP/SCHMOOP.  LOTS OF IT.  Like what would happen if you took marshmallow crème, clouds, and the stuffing from stuffed animals and dunked them in molasses and maple syrup.  I will pretty much never be unhappy if you’re cliché with it, either.  I love chick-flick moments probably at least three times more than Dean hates them, so feel free to use as much fluff as is humanly—or, you know, angelically—possible.  I’m not kidding.

2.  Unless otherwise specified, it’s a pretty safe bet that I will be happiest if the couple’s feelings are unexpressed until your fic.  I just love seeing them admit to each other for the first time.  (Honestly, the more ridiculously cliché their cluelessness, the better.  *sheepish*)

3.  I tend to prefer it if the guy makes the first move romantically, unless otherwise specified.  (I think this is partly due to me being old-fashioned and partly to me being extremely shy when it comes to things like that.)

4.  I’m not too fond of unfulfilled/unrequited love.  Even if I don’t specify, I probably want you to have them actually admit how they feel (it doesn’t necessarily have to be in words; kissing’s good, too :) ), not just hint at it.

[voidendron]

The Outside: Chapter 51

Series Ask Blog: @asktheoutside​ I’m probably going to change my update schedule to every other Sunday. Trying to get a chapter out every week is getting stressful and I don’t have time for anything but that and work anymore so it’s wearing me out. I’m sorry, guys. ^^”

Chapter 51: Place to Stay Chapter Warnings: Blood Mention, Swearing

Chapter under the cut

March 1, 2031, 12:04 PM Los Angeles, California

Mouth twisting as he dumped the contents of his wallet onto the desk in their hotel room, Anti could only shake his head. He barely had enough for another night, and he knew Jameson had even less to his name. They couldn’t go to Seán. He was already housing four Egos, and Anti didn’t even have Mark’s number, so that was out of the question. Who knew where the hell Schneep was now; it had been over three months since he’d gone missing, and there was no luck in even the tiniest of leads.

Chase? But Bing lived with him already.

Anti could only grumble under his breath. He did not want to live in an already-crowded duplex, even for a little while, with a goddamn android. They’d be at each others’ throats the whole damn time, and that was a given.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, then let his fingers drift down to the scar at his throat. It still didn’t feel right. It should have been weeping, sticky, staining his shirt so he had to have Wilford clean the blood. He pressed his fingers against the smooth, silvery skin that proved the wound once existed; once a grisly, ragged gash for so many years. The flesh sliced cleanly where the blade had been sharp, but becoming more torn whenever the chips marring his knife had caught skin and pulled more than cut.

He couldn’t feel his fingers against the scar. The nerves were too damaged, leaving it and the surrounding flesh numb.

What was the deal with the humans’ plane? While it had never hurt, he could still feel the area perfectly fine. Why now that it was “healed” was it numb? Sure, severe scarring worked like that for humans and other injuries for Figments, but the gash? It had been part of his design. Why would it go numb?

He pressed his fingers against the former wound, stifling a cough when he pushed too hard against his throat.

The bathroom door opened with a creak as the glitch counted his cash, free hand rubbing at his neck. He glanced up as Jameson cut toward the dresser. He had a pair of slacks on, but his chest was bare as he toweled his hair dry. Tiny scars with a few long ones scattered about marred Jameson’s chest and shoulders and arms, and Anti knew if he actually looked hard enough he’d find the matching ones around his lips from the magic accident that had cost him his tongue. The ones on his lips were hard to see anymore, but the glitch knew they were there.

The younger Septic’s pale eyes flicked up as he rummaged through a drawer for a shirt, a peppy grin falling over his face in a silent good morning to his companion.

That grin fell away when Anti didn’t offer a response.

“What’s the matter?” he asked. Anti only glanced at the slide briefly before turning back to the desk and grabbing his cash so he could stuff it back into his wallet.

“Gotta find somewhere to stay,” he grumbled. “Just about outta cash.” He slammed his wallet onto the desk with more force than necessary, earning a flinch from his companion as the slide fizzled out of existence from the startle.

“We’re not gettin’ jobs any time soon,” he continued, “so we’ve gotta fuckin’ rely on someone else to house us ‘til we do.”

Jameson pulled a button-up on after draping his towel over the dresser to air-dry. His speech-slide appeared again, only to go spinning off to the side as Anti swatted at it; green eyes following the blank slide. It disappeared as soon as it hit the nearest object—the bedside lamp—without disturbing the item itself.

“Just…” Anti shook his head and grumbled something to himself.

Chase was about the only viable option. And the glitch did not want to crash at the same place one of the androids lived.

“Your phone charged?” At the other’s sheepish expression, Anti rolled his eyes. “’Course not. Just—pack up your shit. I’ll try gettin’ a hold of Chase.”

Pocketing his wallet and grabbing for his cellphone, the older Septic searched through his contacts. He glared when the screen flickered, cursing when it got worse for a moment before he was able to reel his glitches in enough to actually use the device. If there was anything positive he could say about the androids, it was that they knew how to make a phone. Any other besides the one made specially for him, his glitches would have ended up completely frying it within a few months even if he was careful.

“Yo?” Anti rolled his eyes when Chase picked up on the second ring. His voice was a lot quieter than the glitch was expecting. “I’m kinda busy. You need somethin’?”

“The hell you busy with?”

“I’m, ah…at the DMV? ‘Bout to take a driving test. I shouldn’t even be on my phone right now, man.”

The glitch blinked at that. Even as they could hear vehicles roar past the hotel on the highway just beyond, Anti had forgotten how prominent they were for travel Outside. Back in the Figmental Plane, it was easy for an Ego to teleport themselves or, if they didn’t have the ability, it was so common it really wasn’t hard to find someone who could and was willing to put aside a few minutes to get you where you wanted to go.

“Okay, whatever. Just—” Pinching the bridge of his nose, Anti grumbled to himself. “We’re almost outta cash and need somewhere to stay for a while.”

“Why didn’t you call earlier? Dude, my god! Look—agh, your timing fuckin’ sucks right now. Just…” Anti could just imagine Chase smacking himself in the forehead, “there’s a diner uptown called Riley’s. It’s this old-west-style place. Super obvious. I’ll see if the Twins can meet you there. If they can’t, just wait for me to get done here and we can talk then.”

“Fine, fine.”

The line went dead when Chase hung up and Anti pocketed his phone. “Catch all that?” he asked as he turned to the dresser to see Jameson folding clothes and putting them in his backpack. The younger Septic offered a shrug. “…Just pack your shit.”

Jameson’s brows arched and head tilted just ever so slightly to the left. “I am doing so. You are the one standing there and watching~”

“Oh, shut up,” the glitch mumbled as he reached for the backpack held out to him.

He didn’t own as much as Jameson, but he still couldn’t get the pack to zip once he’d stuffed all his clothes into it. How Jameson’s still had spare room by the time the younger Septic had finished, Anti had no idea. Shouldering his bag with a huff, he waited for his companion to clamor back to the nightstand situated between the two beds so he could snatch the little Sam plush off of it. He adjusted his vest before clipping the plush to his belt loop, fingers petting through the soft material. Anti could have sworn a frown fell over his face for a moment, but then the youngest was perking back up and scurrying toward the door before the glitch could be sure.

A final sweep of the room to make sure they weren’t forgetting anything, and they left for the last time with Anti casting a lingering glare at the electric lock. The staff never had sent someone to fix it; they didn’t even need the key card to unlock it anymore. It simply wouldn’t lock. Piece of crap.

The glitch slapped both cards onto the counter, startling the woman behind it, and then the pair was gone with only a few quick words to explain that they were done with their room of three months.

Three months. Anti shook his head as he pulled out his phone for a GPS route to Riley’s.

Three months Schneep had been MIA.

Three months Anti and Jameson had been Outside.

Three months they had been pretending to be Andrew and James Jackson. It had been a surprise when Bing’s documentation for them said “James” rather than “Jameson.”

It was easy to forget how iconic a name Jameson Jackson was. Even to the fans who had moved on, it would return the memories. But the Egos saw it as a name. A name for a living, breathing person. Not a…character. Never just a character.

The glitch glanced down when his companion tugged as his elbow and pointed at a door just ahead of them, right near the end of their current block. Riley’s. How long had he zoned out?

When he pushed the door open, the pair was waved down by two other, identical, men. The Twins, he thought as he led Jameson to sit at the table. He hadn’t realized until then that he hadn’t seen the Twins in person since they’d come Outside; only on the news. They were both fucking beanpoles. Not as tall as Marvin, but definitely up there. With how clumsy they could get while running around, he had to wonder if they’d tripped over their damn spider legs yet.

“Why don’t you order something? We’ll pay,” one of them said. He was wearing a loose-fitting tee-shirt, and his hair was a mess. …Jimmy? Maybe? Anti had no clue how to tell them apart.

The other twin nodded. He was wearing a fitted, long-sleeved shirt. It was dark blue, and looking like something out of Marvin’s wardrobe back home, with his hair combed back neatly. Seriously, which one always had the disheveled hair? “Then we’ll get an Uber and head home. Bing’s got the kids at a museum today, so we’ll get you settled in a room or something.”

The glitch watched as Jameson flicked his wrist under the table, a small notepad appearing in it with a spark. Anti grimaced at how bright it was, but none of the other patrons seemed to notice. The youngest offered a sheepish look before standing.

“Want anything?” he signed clumsily. It took Anti a moment to actually figure out what it was he’d tried to say.

“Ah…sweet tea. That’ll be good.” He watched Jameson scurry off to the counter after taking a twenty from one of the Ipliers, notebook in hand so he could write the order rather than sign it. Turning back to the Twins with brows raised, Anti leaned back into his seat. “Ben know about this yet?”

The fact they exchanged a look with frowns pulling on their usually grinning faces said a lot. And Anti didn’t like what it said.

“Ah…no, he doesn’t,” Jim…Jimmy? answered, running a hand over his bare arm.

The other shrugged, the blue material of his shirt pulling taught across his chest as if it was almost too tight. “He’s…ah… Well, he’s probably not gonna take it well.”

If Anti could still growl, he would have. Instead it came out as more of an angry sigh deep in his throat. “Fuckin’ wonderful.”

[jixiani]

I’m Fat and that’s OK.

Several years ago I restricted my caloric intake to a point that I gave myself gallstones. I’ve had disordered eating since I was young, as happens when you grow up fat. I remember dieting when I was in middle school, joining gyms with my mom and aunt in sixth grade, eating nothing but a glass of milk and an apple until dinner in an attempt to be acceptable to the kids that teased me. I’ve dieted, tried exercise routines that I took too far because I’m super competitive and obsessive, counted calories and ended up memorizing caloric content of certain foods. I got helpful advice from people that cared about me: drink a glass of water before every meal (which turned into only drinking a glass of water instead of eating a meal), eat less, substitute celery for a snack, dance while standing in line to burn extra calories...I spent a good year as a middle schooler doing the Slimfast thing, or using the same concept but with milk when we couldn’t afford actual diet drinks. I spent my entire high school career never eating lunch, only occasionally snatching fries from my friends or skipping lunch to go to an elective with them followed by a few times a year staying after school for stage crew and conveniently not eating dinner either. I was always fat. I was nicknamed Miss Piggy in grade school, tormented by bullies, left out, beaten up a few times. Once one of the boys threw a bottle of glue at me so hard that I had a bruise the size of a melon on my hip for a month, coincidentally on the same side I get ovarian cysts, I’m sure it has nothing to do with that...When I almost died of Salmonella at ten I was happy not that I had survived but that I had lost thirty pounds. I alternated not eating anything with binging on junk food. Still to this day if I can’t bring myself to eat anything else I know I can eat ice cream or some sort of fried potato or chocolate. The summer before my senior year of high school I rode my bike eight miles every day it wasn’t raining. Sometimes I rode twice that. I rarely brought water with me, it was summer but I figured that it just meant I would lose weight faster. I did lose weight, I dropped five or six dress sizes and suddenly I was acceptable, I was cool, I was desirable. I was also terribly damaged and needy and threw myself into a series of really bad decisions and relationships because I had zero self esteem. I eventually gained all the weight back. In college I almost fainted during a theater rehearsal and was forced to eat a bag of pretzels, it was the only thing I had eaten that day because I had been busy. I learned that I could replace a meal with a candy bar, something to keep my sugar up. I can’t stand people seeing me eat, I would buy things out of the vending machines and hide in little used spaces and eat my candy bar or poptart. Under the stairs, in the garden, in the basement break room...I knew where all the vending machines were and would avoid them if there was someone else there. I kept dieting, I downloaded apps to help track calories and exercises. The machines at the gym gave read outs of how many calories burned. I was congratulated on every bit I lost, every hour spent at the gym, I fed on praise instead of food. My app said I could have 3000 calories, I barely ate 1200 on a regular basis and that was when I was actively trying. But then I’d look at that 1200 and think, I can do better. The hours of exercise built up and I competed with myself to see how little calories I could log. Each teaspoon of sugar is 15 calories (I didn’t have to look that up, I’ll probably remember it when I’ve forgotten my own name), milk is 125 but black coffee is almost nothing, celery is also almost nothing. 1000, 900, 800...the human body burns something like 800 calories just to keep you alive, so if I eat less than that I’m bound to lose weight, right? Well, yes, I did. After a few months of that I had lost a lot of muscle, my body burning itself up to keep me moving, out of breath walking up stairs, obviously I was out of shape despite the diet and exercise…See, when you’re skinny and you do this, people worry about you and you have an eating disorder, but when you’re fat every pound and inch lost is a victory. According to a doctor I was seeing around that time “Fat people don’t have eating disorders.” I was seeing them because I started having gallstone attacks, I had no insurance and couldn’t afford the surgery, they suggested that I “Just stop eating McDonalds” I insisted that I didn’t eat McDonalds, that I didn’t actually eat much of anything, that I had cut out junk food, that I was dieting, that I thought that maybe I was dieting too much and had a problem. This was met with skepticism and I was told that if that was true then I should keep up the good work. For the first time in all my turbulent history with food I was actually afraid of eating. The wrong food or food at the wrong time resulted in pain. Not eating had also resulted in pain. I had done this to myself, I gave myself permission to eat but I was terrified of putting food in my mouth. Finally after twenty one attacks, some lasting over 9 hours I went to the ER. I was developing jaundice, they gave me the option of surgery. It was elective, they were very clear on that, I could go home, of course I might need a new liver, but it was my choice.

After that I stopped dieting. I eat junk food, I eat good food, I eat because I enjoy it, I walk, again because I enjoy it. I gain weight, I lose weight, I have stretch marks, I still remember calories and I despise that everything has calories on the label now. I’ve gone to therapy, I found out why I am obsessive and restrictive (obsessive compulsive personality disorder) and have tools to help. I still sometimes survive on poptarts although that’s being poor/convenience/I genuinely like them not because I’m afraid that people will see me eat real food. I eat salad because I like vegetables almost as much as chocolate not because I’m supposed to in order to be seen as a “good” fat person. I eat fast food and chips and give zero fucks what someone might say about it and know that I’m allowed to eat what I want, just not to over do it. I am still self conscious, I still worry about whether someone will find me attractive, I still have days where nothing fits right and even my own skin feels wrong and I probably always will. To be fair, I had those days when I was a size 12 too. I found doctors that don’t harp on my BMI (which is a bullshit measure, how could I have the same BMI when I was a size 18 as when I was a size 12 and you could count every rib and take out an eye with my hip bone?), I’m not looking forward to finding new ones but hopefully I can find one that won’t try to make me lose weight before treating my strep throat (totally something that happened).

But the thing is, I work with a lot of women and they are always comparing diets. They eat their salads and talk about how much they hurt from the gym and how no, they can’t have that bread it’s all carbs. And I have a few girls (it’s always the girls) who come through my lunch line and ask for sandwiches without bread because they’re trying to lose weight (although I would have sold both my arms to be as skinny as them when I was their age) and I just want to shake them. I want to tell them about how I starved myself for most of my life, how I hid in my bedroom to eat and hated every moment that I ate with other people and never wanted to be the first in line for food, how I made myself sick and how I’m probably heavier because my body wants to hold on to every calorie I begrudgingly gave it. How those “Recommended daily calorie intake” things are low balled and growing kids should be getting more like 3000-3500 calories a day and the unknown damage I’ve done to myself by only getting half that for most of my life. I want to tear down the whole system that makes money off making us feel bad about ourselves and assure them that none of it matters, that you only have one body and one life and you can’t put off living until you reach some unattainable and unsustainable goal. I want to rip those little signs off everything that says how many calories are in things because it has taken me YEARS of purposefully ignoring them before I can eat things without thinking of how many hours I’d have to be on an elliptical to justify eating something. Because there are little girls looking at themselves in mirrors and hating themselves, because there are women that are painfully aware of how many calories are in those things and don’t need a little sign to remind them, because there are women that are still waiting to be thin enough to love themselves and do all the things they want to do but don’t think they can because they’re too fat. Because there are doctors that would rather we die while they treat our fat instead of our illness. Because fat is the worst thing you can be when there are so many worse things. Because you can’t hate yourself into someone you can love. Because the things we pick up from the world around us and the scars that are left from cruel classmates and behaviors that we develop are insidious and last a lifetime and I’m still self conscious about the way I look. No assurances that “a few hundred years ago, yours was the ideal body type” or “boys may not want to date you now, but someday men will want to marry you” or “Real girls have curves” (which excuse me, but all girls are real girls, curves or lack thereof notwithstanding), or encouraging words from lovers will ever change or erase that damage. I still have bad days. I read something in a story the other day about a chubby, older woman from the male character’s point of view and how he liked the way she looked and I realized that I had never considered that someone could be attracted to me. I always figured that people liked me despite my weight, or that they might like it but in a probably creepy, chubby chaser sort of way. It hadn’t occurred to me that my weight might not even be a factor, or that I might be beautiful (I’ve been told I was, but figured that people are just being nice or just saying that because they wanted something) I had honestly thought that everyone I have ever interacted with just put up with my weight or were willing to overlook it. I had to close my kindle app for a while, I couldn’t process anymore of the story because I had been struck momentarily dumb but the realization that people may well find me attractive. It’s incredibly hard to get past those hang ups but I’m getting better and I want everyone else to get better too.    

[fleetofshippyships-archive]

WIP tag meme

aaah, I was tagged over 2 months ago by @parkkate O.O sorry for not doing this sooner @parkkate​ XD I’ve been offline for a few months! Just now catching up on everything I missed! but I’m ignoring asks for now because my inbox is a mess

The Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I’m gonna cheat and only do this for my drarry wips, since I post everything else on another account now, and tbh I have so many drarrys it’s still gonna be a long ass post XD

Oh man *sweats nervously* I’m a bit of a hoarder in all aspects of my life...I don’t even know where to begin! 

I’m not tagging anyone cos I was tagged 2 months ago and I have no idea who has and hasn’t done this and don’t want to be a pain. But if you wanna do it, go a head, and please tag me so I can be nosy and hopefully find someone with a wip problem as bad as my own so I can be less embarrassed XD

Also I’m putting this under a cut for reasons

1. 4th year au idea 

Sooooo, right off the bat, I often open a new file to jot down an idea even though I have docs specifically to dump ideas...and then at some point during the process of jotting down basic details of the idea...I start writing it....? This is one such occurrence...but I had to open it to check...and now I want to keep writing it XD

But also yikes it’s super dark

2. ... 4th year au idea

I swear, this is an entirely different wip and I am going ‘wtf’ at myself because wtf that’s confusing! I had also totally forgotten the existence of this before opening it....probably because of the name of it and the only reason I apparently have 2 files the exact same name is that one is a word doc and one is a libre office doc XD

3. drarry character death idea

Soooo, I need to stop turning idea files into wips without changing the names because I actually forget they are wips apparently

Also, I really want to finish this RIGHT NOW IT HURTS SO GOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME

4. Veela fic followup

LOL LOL LOL I’m rewriting my veela fic so I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to end up doing with this XD I might have to try and merge it with the re-write if the story has a similar outcome when I’m done. or maybe I’ll just turn this into its own thing....

5. Veela fic present tense

I really need to get back to working on this, this is actually the full re-write that re-doing the tenses spawned...I was binge writing this before my life went to hell but then my life went to hell and I went offline for like three months and didn’t do any writing or anything XD

although, the last time I looked at it I got the itch to change it back to past tense so who fucking knows what I’ll do with it now

6. Veela fic Draco pov

Curse my obsession with alternate povs of the same story and Draco for being such a good angsty pov

7. Veritaserum idea start

At least this one has ‘start’ in it so I know it is in fact a wip and not just an idea outline XD

7. Veritaserum

So, turns out I started that fic over in a new file and just left the old one lying around XD I do that too often. I should delete that other one...

Also...this better not turn into another ‘Amortentia’ with me unable to think of a fucking title and going with the file name because lame

This is also my first time trying to do god’s eye 3rd person instead of 3rd person pov...also first time trying to do this weird structure thing...I dunno but I like it XD

8.  CTS followup

9. CTS sequel

Two separate followups set at different times in the same story verse... I hate myself. I love them both. I can’t pick which one to stop writing so I’m gonna keep them both around and try and make them merge at some point...

10. MMB saying sorry

11. another erase the shame

12. next erase the shame

I work on followups and lose interest so often (usually because people bug me for followups and I get very ‘fuck you’ about it and stop writing them...but I keep them around and tinker with them every now and then soooo they’re still technically wips

13. Tea and Coffee oneshot series (Tea and Coffee, Coffee and Dark Marks, The Cottage Kitchen, next untitled one)

There’s also a present tense version of the first one of those *sweats nervously* first 3 are finished, of course, but my original purpose is lost to them becoming a long fic soo....gonna merge them into one long fic soon...once I decide what tense I like better......kill me now

14. Communion of the Soul (folder name)

This is the sequel to One Touch and this is spread across 5 files because apparently I did that and even though each time I got to work on it I have to figure out which file holds which part of the sequel timeline and which I feel like working on...I have yet to merge them into one file to make my life easier...

15. Crumbling Facade

ugh working on this always makes me want to re-write restraint and actually put in the major plot line, or what was supposed to be Harry’s major plot line before the relationship crap got away from me and I had to cut out all the plot stuff because by the time I got around to addressing it, it started reading like a completely different fic and I had to cut a huge chunk and end it instead, because back then I sucked more than I do now and couldn’t juggle

sooo...I still work on this in starts and stops and then get frustrated for having to stick to Restraint’s chain of events when I have better ideas now for working in Harry’s plot about his damn magic problem and ARRGEHGEHGFVEDHDBVUIOFNBFKDB EFBVJ

I should just let Crumbling Facade take me where it wants to take me and fuck Restraint

16. Potter’s Insatiable Heart

This is my longest wip at 130k XD and I’m stalling now because if I keep going with it where I was intending to go it will end up my longest fic and I’m getting intimidated by the length and how much work it will be to edit that long of a fic so I just go in and write a few paragraphs now and again, get scared of the length and move on to another wip XD

I also periodically binge read this bitch because I love it to death even though it’s severely flawed XD

17. Corset Drarry

oh boy, when I started writing this this I was weirded out by writing a kink I didn’t understand and kind of tailed off and left it...then I did kinktober for voltron and now I’m laughing at myself because corsets and lingerie is so fucking tame after that kinktober list and all the the crap I wrote for it XD

18. Music in the Periphery

Emily bugs me about finishing this a lot...I bug me about finishing it, progress is non-existent because I have a clear plan for it and when I have a clear plan I can’t write for shit

19. Saying Sorry (Round 2) (MMB)

I gotta kick that habit of starting over with something but keeping the first attempt and still working on it parallel to the second attempt, because then I wind up with 2 fics too similar to each other to post both and I’m completely unable to pick which one I like more *facepalm*

Also, MMB is dead if I can’t stop turning the next fic attempts into angst, I just look at that big fluffy mess and want to angst it all up

20. scrapped MMB ficlets - theo’s letter

not technically drarry thought the greater series is drarry...torn between making it mmb or making it its own fic for a rare pair

21. Weather the Storm

*cries* my 6th year war au, I have such plans for this, but the plans get in the way of writing =(

22. Soulmate AU (folder name)

fucking hell, this is 10+ files and I’m not naming all of them, current count is 5 completed versions 60k+ each, 1 incomplete alternate version, all of which I’m seriously unsatisfied with, none of which I can bear to delete, all of which I periodically go and tinker with, thus leaving them all wips i’m such a fucking hoarder but also I have never gotten over all the awful comments that were on the original soulmate fic on ffnet before my purge and now I can’t ever be satisfied unless it is perfect and wont result in such horrible comments again

23. Turnabout (folder name)

Once again, multiple wips in here of the same 60k finished fic I’ve been unhappy with since the moment I finished it and keep trying to fix by starting over and changing things here and there to change the course of the story. Honestly ready to hit the delete button with this one unless my latest attempt pans out, liking it so far buuuut I’m a mess about my writing so who knows

In the Ways that Matter was based off this fic XD

24. Dependency 

Oh boy, I abandoned this cos it was so dark I got too uncomfortable writing it...I’ve since started revisiting it after being in the Voltron fandom gave me a new tolerance range for dark content XD

Plan on posting this on anon if I ever finish it, obviously changing the title XD it stopped being relevant after the first 30k anyway 

25. Dependency V2

LOL light version of the above that removes most of the dark aspects while maintaining the core plot, but I’m finding it a bit dull XD not sure how long I’ll keep trying to chug along with it

26. *censored title*

hahahaha omg why is this in a different subfolder, this is actually one of the soulmate au ones only it’s actually a spin off au of the original soulmate one I from ffnet and therefore it’s new ground and I’m less unhappy with it

.....I’m probably going to stop working on turnabout today and work on this instead now

(censoring the name because I might post this on anon because I’m too scared to post another drarry soulmate fic under my own name)

27. Retrospection

Sooo, I’m always on and off this fic cos it triggers my anxiety and depression, but fuck that I want to write it so I keep trying XD

I’m also thinking of splitting the two main plots and only going with 1 and using the other to write another story....see if that eases how difficult it is for me to write without self triggering

28. Sequel to mornings

29. Sunrise (loose prequel to mornings)

30. Surrender

I had no idea what this was, opened it and then holy shit THIS BITCH, THIS SLOW BURN FRIENDS TO LOVERS PIECE OF BULLSHIT. I DON’T WRITE SLOW BURN! I DON’T WRITE FRIENDS TO LOVERS. I REFUSE.

but also I really really really love what I wrote so far and now I’m itching to write more *cries* making this list is leaving me with so many open files to work on

31. day 2 ass worship

32. day 3 sensory deprivation

*laughs nervously* the kinktober oneshots that starting turning into a long fic hahahaha cos I really needed more wips

33. Perception of Angels

*wistful sigh* one day I will be able to finish a heavily plot driven story full of fantasy elements and creatures and magic I made up, and when that day somes, Perception of Angels....or that timetravel war au drarry fic idea I have sitting around.....which isn’t on this list only cos I’m not stupid enough to start writing it

So that’s all the drarry files in my wip folder.... I also have heaps more for other ships and fandoms, but I’m keeping that separate =)

And...now I have some writing to go do, cos after 2 months of being unable to write thanks to the bullshit in my life, I started binge writing again 2 days ago =) and opening a few of these to remind myself what they were has a lit a fire under my ass

[ladyherenya]

Books read in July

Four audiobooks (two fantasy, two historical). Two graphic novels and a Webtoon (fantasy). Five fantasy novels, including an illustrated children’s novel.  A short story collection (also fantasy). One YA  book from my shelves (mostly historical). All library books were borrowed through Overdrive.

(Longer reviews and ratings are on LibraryThing. And also my Dreamwidth blog.)

Lore Olympus by Rachel Symthe: Not a book but a Webtoon released in weekly episodes. I binged 23 episodes of this in July (and have read another 5 since). A modern retelling of Hades and Persephone. Parts of it are super cute! The artwork is gorgeous, bold and vibrant; I particularly like the night-time scenes. Persephone is a utter delight; Hades owns a lot of dogs and his initial kidnapping of Persephone is accidental and short-lived, effectively sidestepping the hugely problematic basis for their relationship in the original myth. This is a story interested in respecting characters’ agency. So far, the darker episodes have been handled sensitively. I want more RIGHT NOW.

Letters from the Lighthouse by Emma Carroll (narrated by Victoria Fox): After 13 year old Olive is injured during an air raid and her older sister goes missing, Olive and her younger brother are evacuated to the Devon coast. This is poignant and eventful, about life during WWII and attempts to help refugees. It twists and ties everything together very neatly -- more than I was expecting, but this is a children’s novel. I’d have thought it perfect when I was Olive’s age! Reading it now, I was struck by how relevant this sort of story is today. I also really liked Olive’s observations, and the vividness of the coastal community.

Clocktaur War by T. Kingfisher (aka Urusla Vernon):

Clockwork Boys: I wasn’t sure if I’d like this -- criminals on a suicidal mission isn’t my thing -- but I finished it and the sequel within 24 hours. A convicted forger with allergies, an assassin, a disgraced paladin and a young scholar are sent to stop an army of clockwork boys. I loved this! It isn’t as grim and cynical as it sounds. There’s banter and teamwork -- and amusing commentary on the physical discomforts of travelling on a quest. (One of Kingfisher’s strengths is taking something typically fantasy and blending it with something prosaic.) And I cared more about the characters than I expected to.

The Wonder Engine: Slate and her companions have reached Anuket City but are still in danger. I really like this. Again, it involves humour and the teamwork and characters I cared about. I appreciate that these are characters who have made mistakes and have have work out how to move on from their failures. I like the way the romance develops. The beginning of the book meanders a bit but then things become tense and fraught, drawing together various aspects of the story in a way which is unexpectedly clever and unexpectedly heartbreaking.

Faro’s Daughter by Georgette Heyer (narrated by Laura Paton): Oh, this was so much fun! It brims with Pride and Prejudice parallels, but that doesn’t bother me because the characters’ personalities, circumstances and motives are different. When Max Ravenscar hears that his young cousin plans to marry “a wench from a gaming-house”, he sets out to intervene. Deborah doesn’t want to marry Mablethorpe, but, insulted by Ravenscar’s attempts to bribe her, she pretends otherwise to annoy him. I was delighted by their interactions. Deborah’s passionate, with a fierce sense of honour, but also sensible and kind. Ravenscar’s level-headed, has a sense of humour and knows when to apologise.

Saga by Brian K. Vaughan and Fiona Staples:

Volume Five: This deals with the aftermath of Volume Four. It is full of missions which succeed in some way... only to then fail in another way. I was relieved that nothing worse happened, but I didn’t enjoy it much. There were a couple of deaths which disappointed me -- not because I was sad but because their deaths didn’t feel necessary and they made the story less interesting and less complex. I like seeing characters grow and change, and there’s just less potential for a character to build new relationships or challenge other characters when they are dead...

Volume Six: Hazel starts attending kindergarten in a detention centre, her parents search for a way to reunite their family and their enemies continue to pursue them. I enjoyed this volume a lot more than the previous two, because it has what they lacked: Alana and Marko working together! Their relationship is one of my favourite things about this series. They are delightful -- sometimes impulsive and reckless, but also optimistic and loving. They’re the reason I’m prepared to read a story which is frequently darker than I’d prefer. I also appreciated that there was positive resolution to the Hazel-is-abducted plotline.

Granny was a Buffer Girl by Berlie Doherty: A short coming-of-age story about love and leaving home as experienced by several generations of a working class family. On Jess’s last evening at home, her grandparents and parents tells stories about growing up in the 30s and 50s, and Jess reflects on her own experiences. There are all sorts of interesting details in these stories. Telling them side-by-side shows how times changes and how people take different paths to adulthood, but I wished it had focused more on some stories than others. Some of the prose is lovely, and as a whole this book is… oddly melancholy and memorable.

Discworld books by Terry Pratchett:

Wyrd Sisters (narrated by Celia Imrie): A king is murdered by his cousin, his young son is hidden with a group of travelling thespians and three witches break with custom by meddling in politics. This has some fabulously funny Macbeth references and lots of clever descriptions. I liked the witches, especially Granny Weatherwax and Magrat. However, I found some of the witches’ cattiness and pettiness frustrating. The plot is also more predictable than some of Pratchett’s. I wonder if I’d have been more invested in the story had there been more character growth (or more personal stakes) and less parody… Anyway, I liked this enough.

Making Money (narrated by Stephen Briggs): Reread, originally read 2012. I didn’t have much to say about it at the time: “Clever, witty and satirical, like Going Postal. I enjoyed it, but it failed to impress me (or make me laugh) quite as much. Perhaps it was a bit too much more-of-the-same?” No, the problem was that I didn’t listen to the audiobook! Pratchett is more engaging and much funnier when read aloud. Moist von Lipwig is the sort to get into trouble due to boredom; he’s at his most inspired when he’s flying by the seat of his pants. This is fun to watch. I couldn’t remember much about his adventures in banking, which made this reread even more entertaining. And appearances are made by the Watch… I would very happily gobble up more.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: Compelling and beautifully written, a story about winter, silver and girls who make themselves cold to protect those they love. It most obviously draws upon “Rumpelstiltskin”, but I recognised elements from other fairytales. I liked how the girls’ stories fit together and how they have to work together (and would have liked it even had there been more of that!) They come from different classes and family situations, but they each have to navigate limited choices, unwelcome offers of marriage and unexpected responsibilities. Their most important, most positive relationships, are familial ones -- a source of warmth in this wintry story.

The Halcyon Fairy Book by T. Kingfisher (Ursula Vernon): This has two parts. The Annotated Fairy Tales is a collection of strange fairytales interrupted with amusing commentary from Kingfisher, highlighting the weird bits and speculating about explanations for the characters’ behaviour. Some fairytales are even weirder than I realised. My favourite for its wackiness was “The Golden Apple Tree and the Nine Peahens”. My favourite as a story was “The Deer Prince”. Toad Words and Other Stories is a collection of Kingfisher’s short stories and poems. I love how she blends fairytales with reality, and does so with honesty, hope and humour. I should read everything else she’s written.

Nurk: The Strange, Surprising Adventures of a (Somewhat) Brave Shrew by Ursula Vernon: Nurk the shrew receives a letter intended for his grandmother, whose whereabouts are unknown. Nurk has never left home before but, packing clean socks and his grandmother’s diary (for advice), he sets out to return the letter to sender. Short and illustrated. Cute without being twee.