#edit from the future. they don’t give me shit about him. they think he is nice. they just go ohhhh bergi look it’s your boyfriend when

[sunnybergamota]

Gonna tell my friends abt my most recent sexuality crisis, brb

[tastelikezweig]

SFW ALPHABET

⚠️ warnings: not edited, i do NOT feel like reading this over lol so please just point and laugh i don’t care. suggestive language :D (i do use the f word a few times, oopsy.) if anything else needs to be added, pls let me know.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

he’s a huge fan of kissing. he’s gentle. when he sleeps over in your dorm, he’ll wake you up with pecks all over your face and neck. after your matches, he’s waiting right outside the locker room ready to high five you because you’re super sweaty. not that he sees an issue with that. he would love to pick you up and spin you around, chest to chest. he’d drink a bottle of your perspiration if he could. but you don’t allow it because you feel gross when you’re all sweaty and stinky from the match you just played. he loooves to be all over you. physical touch is his love language. it’s one of the things you love most about him. you love how sweet he is to everyone. when he walks you to your afternoon lecture, he holds the door open for every single last one of your classmates. he doesn’t let you lift a finger. he thinks that you deserve to just exist and be pretty and smart and save up your energy for the sweetest make out session he has planned with you after your class is over. he loves PDA, just holding your hand as you walk through the quad, kissing your cheeks and eyelids while you both sit the dining hall. he wishes he could consume you and live in your skin. it’s so cute and teeth rotting that people hate hanging out with either of you if the other is around.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

you had begged tashi duncan to train you for upcoming finals. when your practice came to an end, her boyfriend, patrick and his friend art came to see her. you cracked jokes about being the third and fourth wheel. he told you he felt like this all the time. you joked saying how you should start your own club and leave them out. whenever tashi and patrick would exclude you and art from their plans, you met up with him and just enjoyed each other's company. he’d make sandwiches and bring mini gatorade (your favorite flavor because he remembers the small details) for you both to sit in the quad and just eat and talk all evening until it got dark out. or until tashi or patrick called either of you to hang out after their “date” (which is obviously just them fucking in her dorm).

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

again, his love language is physical touch. he loves to hold you in bed while you read a book or just to fall asleep. you’ll be laying flat on your stomach playing with his new nintendo ds he just bought - he’d just finish showering or something and he’d crawl right on top of you. towel still hanging on his waist and hair dripping water. he’d ask “can we cuddle?” and you don’t think twice about it before rolling over and embracing him. give him a few kisses on the jaw before resting on his chest and breathing him in. your scents like melatonin for each other.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

when you and art hit a year of dating, he wouldn’t shut up about marriage. you’d remind him you’re still so young and he would go, i know, but when we get older! he loves being around you, you go grocery shopping together so you can have snacks; you’d feel like husband and wife. you would both joke about baby names but the ones you actually did like (that he’d suggested) you wrote down on a little sticky note and inserted it into your diary under the page titled: little pieces of art ᥫ᭡

art keeps his dorm clean majority of the time since he’s met you. the most you’ve seen it messy is when patrick is there for the weekend or his week is super busy but he always attempts to at least tidy the room before inviting you over. art cannot cook for shit but neither can you, so your future kids are fucked. but art can make delicious sandwiches if that counts!!

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

art is the most genuine person you know and he hates seeing your eyes tear up even just watching a movie. his heart clenches at the sight. he wouldn’t want to break up with you but things are just getting so crowded in your personal lives between trying to maintain school, work, tennis, and your relationship. you picked up a job at the nearest bookstore to help pay for your school books. you weren’t necessarily as loaded as art was. he offered to help but you just couldn’t accept any handouts. it made you feel weird. you’d be so tired after your shifts or have to go straight from class or practice to work and you never had time for him anymore. a few texts throughout the week but for someone as needy as art, it wasn’t enough. you’d accidentally stand up your dates with him because you’d fall asleep directly after class. he’d be ringing your phone and you’re out like a light. you apologized a million times and he agreed to just reschedule. on your rescheduled date it was a bit of awkward silence and lots of staring into each other's eyes. i feel like we rarely see each other anymore he’d say, tracing circles on the thighs of his jeans. you tried to explain to him how hard you were trying but he just shook his head staring into the distance. attempting to stop his tears from spilling over. the breakup was mutual, with a kiss goodbye. it actually wasn’t a forever goodbye, just for a little while until things made sense again. (You had to be the reason bc he’d NEVER leave you).

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

he wants to get married as soon you both graduate from college. he’s adorable isn’t he? it’s gonna be a no. “okay fine, not yet. but don’t fall in love with anybody else. please.”

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

he wouldn’t be rough with you unless you wanted him to be. 9 times out of 10 he’s very soft with you. his hands melting like butter on your shoulders when you ask him to massage them after matches. he’d run his hands up and down your back which makes you fall asleep almost instantly. he’s very kind with his words. when you’re upset about school or anything really he’s always there with a listening ear, very understanding. brushing the hair out of your face when he can tell your homework is frustrating you. suggests taking breaks which almost always just means a mini make out sesh until you remember you’re in the library and people are judging. you care about what outsiders think but he only has eyes for you, prioritizing your happiness above all else. he loves to kiss.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

his hugs are firm. you never want him to let you go. you love being in his grip. you could be standing in the dining hall line and he’ll wrap his arms around your shoulders while you wait for the line to move. when your matches are over and you’re fully showered, he’d hug you, lifting you off of the ground. when you meet up for dates or just to hang out, he’ll grab at your lower waist and sway you side to side.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

3 months in. you were laying in the grass on the quad next to tashi and patrick, enjoying the nice cool breeze and people watching. it was stanford’s 120th anniversary, so they held a firework show. as the finale was going off, art turned to you, staring into your eyes. i love you. surprisingly, you said it first. but he followed immediately after. he fell in love with you weeks ago but he didn’t wanna freak you out. so he was glad you gave him the green light.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

he gets jealous, not very easily because he trusts you. it’s very rare he’ll act out but you’ll know something’s wrong when he goes completely mute. you’ll ask him if he’s okay, and he’ll respond ‘yup’ popping the p. he’s so sassy. earlier, he saw the guy you were talking to put his hand on your shoulder to whisper something in your ear. what’s the secret? did he have to put his hands on you? again, he trusted you, he just doesn’t trust them. you reassured him that the next time someone does something similar, you’ll kick them in the balls and he cracks a smile. and just like that, you’re back on his good side. he’s never upset for long.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

his kisses are sweet, tender, and so yummy. especially since he quit smoking. he uses a grapefruit flavored chapstick that he found in your desk a while ago and has just been using ever since. did i say you could have that? he just hums in response, sucking your lips in for another kiss.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

he wants two little ones. either a boy and a girl, or two girls. he plans on spoiling them rotten.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

when he spends the night in your room or you sleep in his, he’ll make your bed for you while you shower (or make up his own). it’s actually nice, because he helps pack your bag the night before with your essentials and fills up both of your water bottles. but anyway, he’ll heat up something in the microwave for you both to share until you can make it to the dining hall for breakfast. after about an hour after eating, you both go on a 30 minute run before parting ways for your classes of the day. he misses you all day until he can see your face again :((((

art donaldson: miss u so much already

you: i left 3 mins ago lolll.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

as mentioned before, he’ll help you prepare for the next day. if he sleeps over, he’ll organize your desk while you’re in the shower, you’ll brush your teeth together and do face masks on the weekends. it’s really cute. if he’s not over in your dorm, he’ll send you a cute little text telling you to have a goodnight, or call you while you wind down just to hear your voice before he closes his eyes.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

he’s a pretty shy boy. when you’d first met, he kept the dialogue short to avoid coming off as an annoying yapper (which he totally is) so you did most of the talking. when he gets comfortable, during one of your first few hangouts alone - you asked if he could help with your math assignment and he agreed. you got bored instantly and started asking him a fuck ton of questions about himself. he answers everything without thinking twice. he even accidentally let it slip that he once had a crush on his best friends girlfriend (which he scolded himself for almost immediately after). you just smiled and nodded the whole time trying to watch him save his own ass.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

he’ll be waiting for you after your class and it might run over time a little bit, he’ll grab a seat on the floor in the hall or on the bench outside and just wait for you. draw little doodles of you or your favorite flowers in his sketchbook. if you text him in enough time, he’ll bring you your favorite smoothie. he can’t wait til your class is over so he can kiss your pretty face that he’s missed all day.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

art is very attentive. he knows every step in your skincare routine. he has the order memorized. when you’re done with the first step, he’s already handing you step two. he knows the gum flavor you prefer, your class schedule, your practice schedule, etc. what he doesn’t seem to remember is to put the toilet seat down after he’s done. he’d mumble sorry and then proceed to do it again 30 mins later.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

he took you to the state fair and you both stayed at the ring toss for like an hour. you were so determined you were going to win - you spent $50 for 10 tries. you didn’t even win but while you were in the bathroom, he bribed the man $100 to let him have the huge stuffed penguin that you wanted to win so bad. when you came out you screamed “did you win me this?!” he just went along with it because he adored the smile on your face and the joy in your voice, he loved the thought of him making you the happiest girl ever.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

he treats you like you’re accident prone or something like when you squat down to pick up something that fell underneath the table, he covers the sharp edges to make sure you don’t hit your head. he double checks to make sure your laces are tied on the court and you slide your foot back and remind him, you’re not a child and you can tie your own shoes!!! he just doesn’t want you to hurt yourself. walks you to your dorm if it’s dark. calls you during your early morning runs without him. if you get into it with one of the girls on the team, he doesn’t intervene because you always tell him to stay out of women’s business, but if it involves a guy, he’s on that immediately. he doesn’t even want you engaging in their weird behavior. he argues for you but you’re definitely in the background ad-libbing.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he tries super hard but tries not to seem suffocating. he fits everything in his life around your schedule. he has a gift for you for any anniversary, 1 month, 1 year, birthdays, etc. he takes you out to celebrate your wins even if that just means getting you a chocolate croissant from your favorite cafe down the street. whatever you want, whenever you want it. anything to keep you happy. he wants to set the bar so high that you’re not looking any other guy's way.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

leaving the toilet seat up, going silent when he’s jealous, stepping out of his clothes in the bathroom and leaving them there in a pile, as much as you love it, he’ll drop everything for you on the spot. you’ll see him with his friends outside and go to greet them. he’ll tell you they’re going to hang out at his friends place and you mention you’re also hanging out, going to the theater with your friend and he’ll say never mind, can I go with you? and you shut it down quickly “no go hang out with your own friends!” and they’d all clown him afterwards.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he’s chill. he doesn’t really have a style, he wears whatever is clean. his closet is full of stanford merch and you tell him he needs to go shopping but he’ll say “what i’m wearing is just fine, thank you.” see. sassy.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

he literally can’t breathe without you it seems like. you’re his heartbeat. he’s feeling whatever emotion you’re feeling.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

he communicates his affection through small gestures, like holding hands during quiet walks or wrapping a comforting arm around your shoulders when you’re watching a movie together. words aren't always necessary to convey his feelings.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

hates loud chewing of food, but you argue that he does it too - with his gum. defending people when he’s arguing with them ‘why do you do that?’ you just keep it real. tashi called his ball out and he was arguing that she isn’t valid, but she’s right :( it was definitely out.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

sleeps with his mouth open, so he often gets a sore throat lol, his arm draped across your chest or back. legs tangled with yours. has to be touching you in some way to fall asleep when you’re together.

sorry if this sucks, bye!

[lueurjun]

“ let’s just get married ” | heeseung and jay.

the boys reaction to you suddenly professing that you would in fact, like to get married.

. . . . . . . ꒰ HEESEUNG ꒱ ,,

give him a sec

he’s rebooting

his mind went through an unplanned update

because clearly there’s something wrong with it since he swears he just heard you tell him you wanna get married

“hUh?”

you don’t seem to catch onto his confusion in the slightest

because you’re just sat cheesin

you after breaking your boyf 😃

“like… in a couple of years?”

you shake your head, still grinning as though you just won the lottery

heeseung gulps so loud you can hear it from half way across the world

it’s true. i heard it from here.

to be honest—bros petrified

not that he doesn’t want to marry you

he has visions of it

breaking news! lee heeseung is really that’s so raven confirmed!

but now it’s perhaps a little too early for him

still the look on your face had his heart shitting itself

because you look so excited

and telling you to wait would probably break your heart

which lee heeseung would never do

cos then he’d have to go through me. and i have watched kung fu panda. i know my shit.

so he wraps his arms around your waist and draws you in until your foreheads are touching.

cant see his panicked expression if he connects foreheads

and with a thudding heart, he manages to choke out a reply

“then let’s get married.”

imagine i wrote ‘then marry someone else’. oof the drama would be out of this world

now it’s your turn to be panicked

because the reality of it all comes crashing down on you like a thundering avalanche

and suddenly you’re pushing him away

“i don’t want to.”

hA NOT YOU REJECTING HIM AFTER SENDING HIM THROUGH EMOTIONAL TURMOIL

heeseung just blinks at you

because weren’t you the one who proposed this idea?

what do you mean ‘you don’t want to?’

now he’s hurt

because why don’t you want to marry him?

“is it something i said?”

he’s frowning now, resembling a puppy that just got kicked

“no! no! it was just in the moment-you know? you just looked perfect and i felt perfect with you and i got carried away. that doesn’t mean i don’t want to marry you in the future! i think we should just wait.”

heeseung breathes a sigh of relief and pulls you back into his arms

“i’m so glad you think so because i am not ready for marriage yet—but with that being said, i will stick the biggest diamond on your finger when i am.”

compensation for making you wait—heeseung is in fact a sugar daddy 💸

he holds you tighter, and your gaze shifts to his ring finger, a fleeting moment of daydreaming how handsome he'd look with a wedding ring on

your mind is suddenly alive with visions of what married life with heeseung would be like, a flurry of images quickly cascading through your imagination

and suddenly, a familiar feeling tugs in your heart

cheekily, you grin up at him

“i’ve changed my mind. i wanna get married again.”

lord help him

. . . . . . . ꒰ JAY ꒱ ,,

did somebody say something?

no really…did they? he had earphones in and heard absolutely none of what you said

me every minute of everyday

he’s bobbing his head to his music without a care in the world

thriving in — unmarried — life, unburdened by any adult responsibilities or worries

he’s truly blissful

until you yank those earphones out of his ears and peer down at him with a scornful gaze

you could’ve sworn he had paused his music when you entered the room

“hey baby.”

i have been watching a lot of drew starkey edits and his ‘hey baby’ is imprinted in my mind so it must be applied to jay. i do not make the rules.

his face is lit up with an endearing smile, his eyes full of affection as he looks lovingly at you

which makes you smile and gaze back at him with the same expression

“i said, would you marry me?”

naturally, jay assumes that you’re just thinking about the future

which is totally natural in a relationship

so he doesn’t think anything of it when he shrugs his shoulders

“i’d marry you tomorrow.”

same. i’d marry you better than him tbh

now jay loves you

his love for you is as constant and timeless as the sun's relationship with the sky

but he wasn’t being literal. marriage is a huge step and as much as he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you

he felt he was still too young

you didn’t seem to realize that it was just an expression because you started beaming

and jay, not realizing you had taken this literally and assumed you just liked the idea of marrying him in the future, beamed back at you

“great! we should look into venues—no! why don’t we fly to vegas? how does one elope? jay! we should look into eloping.”

at first, he's simply enthralled by the sound of your voice

but then the words register and suddenly he’s hyperventilating

he’s so real for that

“wha- el-eloping? like-in the future…possibly in like five years? maybe seven—”

“no? now! you said you wanted to get married tomorrow and i’ve been thinking that maybe we should? i mean, i don’t want anyone else and imagine married life jay! it would be perfect!"

married life with you would be perfect

jay would love nothing more than to wake up beside you every morning, a wedding band adorning your finger and sharing the same last name

he’d love to introduce you as his spouse, the idea of it alone gives him butterflies

but marriage is a huge commitment

“i mean it would but right now?”

hearing the panic in exchange for excitement, the bubble surrounding you pops

and suddenly, you’re no longer the embodiment of happiness

but disappointment

forget ksi and tommy fury, im gonna be in the ring with jay if he doesn’t marry the life out of you

his heart shatters at the look on your face and that alone has him reconsidering

he plans to marry you in the future, might as well keep that gorgeous smile on your face and push the date forward

“you don’t wanna marry me?”

he reaches out to you, taking your hands in his and guiding you to sit next to him. the closeness is almost overwhelming, and you can feel the warmth of his body as he pulls you onto his lap

bro i’m blushin rn!! look away. i don’t want you to see me like this

jay wastes no time showering your face with passionate kisses, eliciting an gradually forming smile from you

“no. no-i do wanna marry you, more than anything! but it’s just a little early, we can wait a few more years. time with you flies anyway so it won’t even be that long of a wait technically, we’re just… a bit too young yet.”

he’s right, and you hate admitting it

nah don’t fold bae. get that ring 💍

slumping your shoulders, you nod your head with a sigh

“i guess you’re right. i got a little too carried away. i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to pressure you…”

jay shakes his head, planting a kiss on both of your cheeks, then your nose and then finally, your lips, though he lets that one linger

that alone manages to lift your mood drastically

“how about, we settle for a promise ring?”

your heart swells with emotion at the sweet sentiment and you find yourself unable to resist leaning in and gently pressing your lips to his once more

after a moment — or several — he finally pulls away and laughs

“i take it you like that idea?”

“i do”

[chapel-of-rizztual]

I will pay you all the money in the world for you to say more about aethers double knot

DOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHER DOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHERDOUBLEKNOTAETHER

This isn’t edited so if you see a mistake no you didn’t

Dew  looked up at Aether from where he was pinned under the bigger ghoul with a shocked look on his face.  “What do you mean there’s two?!” 

Aether licks at Dew’s neck, completely un- phased by Dew’s mini freak out. 

“There’s two.” He licks at his scent glad. “You know, there’s one plus another one. That makes two.” 

“You didn’t think to mention that before you started fucking me?!” Dew let’s out a high pitched squeak as Aether thrusts into him, hitting his prostate dead on. 

“And miss the look on your face? I don’t think so.” Aether smiles at him evilly. 

“I-what? Two?! Are you sure there’s two? It’s not like one big one like Mountain?” Dew still can’t believe what he just heard. 

Aether rolls his eyes and pulls out, slapping his cock on Dew’s belly.  “See for yourself.”

Dew sits up on his elbows and stains his neck to get a better look. The size of his cock covers Dew’s completely and that alone has his head spinning. But the thing that makes him go completely dizzy was his knot. Right at the base of his cock was the usual swelling of a knot, nothing unusual about it, it was the perfect size for Aethers cock. But directly behind that was another knot, Slightly bigger then the first in perfect line with each other. 

Dew gulps, looking back up at Aether with the same look of shock on his face.  “There’s no way I can take them both.” 

Aether growls, grabbing at Dew’s thighs and pulls him down the bed more. 

“You can.” He lines himself back up with his hole. “And you will.” He slams himself back in, all the way in so the first knot it bumping against Dew with each thrust. 

Dew flops back down onto his back with a moan, his hands gripping at Aethers shoulders.  “Oh-oh shit- Aeth, fuck. So good. So good.” 

“Yeah? You gunna let me knot you? Gunna let me pop both of them into your tiny hole and stretch you out?” Aether fold Dew in half and fold his 

legs back so they’re behind his head. “Wanna watch you take them. Wanna watch as my knots ruin you for everyone else.” 

Dew all but screams and he claws down Aethers back, feeling the first knot get pushed into the rim of his ass harder and harder with each thrust. 

“Yeah, yeah. You’re gunna take them. Keep them nice and warm for me while I fill you up.” Aether pants into his ear, feeling his orgasm creeping up in him. “Fuck, Dew. Gunna keep you stuck on them, keep you there for hours.” 

Dew whines, all high pitched and feminine, his head rolling back into the pillow. He feels tears gathering in the waterline of his eyes. 

“A-aeth. Fuck, please. Want them. Both of them Knot me, please.” He hooks his arms under his legs and bends himself further back, speeding himself open even more. 

Aether moans, feeling the first knot expand even more and press against Dew’s rim. “Oh fuck yeah, baby. Open yourself up for me, Gunna fill you up so good.” 

He gives one last thrust and the first knot bullies it’s self past Dew’s rim and pushing into him with a pop. Dew gasps out, the pressure in his belly already too much. There’s more pressure on his rim and his eyes widen when he remembers the second knot gets slowly pushed into him. 

“Oh fuck, Aether. It’s so much, it’s too much. Can’t- can’t do it.” Dew heaves, feeling tears spill from his eyes and down his face. “There’s- there’s no more room, I’m too full.” 

Aether growls again, gripping at Dew’s thighs tightly. “You can take it. I know you can.” He gives a harsh thrust of his hips, watching as his second knot stretches out Dew even future.  “Now be a good boy and fucking take it.” 

The second knot pops fully into Dew and he screams, his whole body spasming as he cums completely untouched across his chest and little on his own face. He feels so full, fuller then he’s ever been before in his life. He can feel both knots throb in him as Aether starts cumming, filling him even more. 

They still for a couple of seconds, letting the waves of both their orgasms wash over them and taper off. Aether carefully unfolds Dew so his legs are wrapped around his hips, his eyes widening at the sight before him.  “Fuck, look at that.” 

Dew blinks down hazily to where Aether is staring so intensely.  “F-fuck. Is that you?”

At the bottom of Dew’s belly, right between his hip bones are two very large bumps protruding from his belly. Dew runs his hand over the bumps, his belly twitching under his touch and pressed into one of them. He feels Aether throb inside and him and sees it from the outside through his belly. 

“Fuck, Aeth, that’s you. I can see them.” 

Aether groans, falling his head forward to rest again Dew’s forehead.  “Oh fuck, baby. That’s so hot. I’m never going to pull out. Going to keep you stuck on my knots forever.” 

Dew clenches around him, feeling Aether twitch inside him.  “That better be a fucking promise.” 

[aprilthearcher]

this hope is treacherous [roman roy x fem!reader]

word count: 600 - 700

warnings: ooc roman, perhaps, idk but i wanted (needed) something fluffy after studying for so long. cursing? not edited. english is my first language. i cannot get over this look !!!!!! also not my picture.

masterlist

“Would you ever want a big wedding like this?” 

Such an intimate question coming from him surprises her. She peers at him through her black sunglasses. He has his hands on his pockets, a relaxed stance at first glance; his shoulders moved forwards, curving his back, his head faces the landscape opposite her, as if he was ashamed of the words escaping his mouth. It’s a nervous stance, she deduces after a second, sharper look. Her heart cannot help but to jump faster every time she looks at his pink shirt. 

“I - I mean if you even want to get married,” he continues. “Or are you one of those women who shit on marriage just for the fun of it?”

(Y/N) takes a couple of seconds to respond, wanting to see if he’ll turn his head and face her. He does, then moves his head again to look at the people his mother invited to her wedding with some prick he’s sure is only after the remnants of the money she got from the divorce with his father. He moves his head to, finally, settle his eyes on her. He’d preferred the sunglasses off her face. He’s afraid to dig deeper on the why. He can see she’s getting tired of holding the umbrella one of the organisers gave her — so she could block the Tuscan sun from her head and most of her back — from the way she keeps changing it from one hand to the other. 

“Why are you staring, you weirdo? I asked you a question, it’s only right for you to answer me, you know.” Roman says before taking his hands out of his pockets. He’s about to grab the handle of the umbrella, but changes his mind at the last second; instead, he crosses his arms over his chest to try to cover up the raising of his arms. He realises her dress is the same tone of deep blue that the pants he’s wearing. Roman clears his throat, he feels like he’s about to choke. 

“No way, I mean with all this fucking people? And their ridiculous hats and these ridiculous umbrellas?” (Y/N) gives an answer to the question that’s been pondering over Roman’s mind since that day he got told about his mother’s wedding. Roman found himself thinking — or dreaming, he’s not quite sure — of her later that night. His heart had jumped as the image of seeing (Y/N) in a white dress (was she walking towards him?) and a flower arrangement held by both of her hands appeared vividly on his mind. Roman blamed it on the stress of choosing the future president of the country. 

“So you don’t want to get married.” Why was he asking so much about this? He guessed that by getting his answer, he could finally forget about the vision of her in a white, wedding dress. Now it was even worse. He felt somewhat disappointed. 

“Oh no, I do, but just with not this many people. I'd like something small, in a place where it's sunny but not this fucking sunny. I don't know, I probably wouldn't invite anyone really. just, just yo.. just the lucky guy and I, I guess,” she shrugged her shoulders, averting her eyes from his after almost saying ‘you’. God, she was an idiot. 

“Lucky guy indeed,” Roman whistled before grabbing a glass from one of the waiters’ trays.

They stood in silence watching the guests around them, looking at the other from the corner of their eyes. Roman grabbed the handle of the umbrella from her, making sure it still covered her from the sun, after he heard her mumbling about how it was numbing her arm. She smiled, a contained smile that threatened to become a full grin if she didn’t press her lips tightly. He saw it, but decided not to say anything. A small smirk took control of his face, one that was not mocking, neither sarcastic, but almost adolescent. She saw it when he was looking at his shiny shoes. She didn’t say anything. 

[darcytaylor]

It didn’t give me joy, just utter and complete disappointment. I couldn’t believe how affected I was by my disappointment, I was truly on the verge of tears for four full days afterwards. I couldn’t believe the writing and editing. Why wouldn’t we want to see two friends together on screen, at the same time, not arguing or yearning, but being happy and flirty and nervous in a friends-to-lovers trope? Who wanted so much angst and conflict and for them to be kept apart for most of the season? I legitimately had a pit in my stomach for all of episodes 7 and 8, after being frustrated that I’m not seeing Polin anywhere in episode 6, in an episode literally called “Romancing Mister Bridgerton”. I felt that way about episode 5 already after the virtual screening. Little did I know that was the most we’d see them together, despite the whiplash we got from scene to scene. And this was all after already being upset that Colin and Pen were kept apart from the second half of episode 3 until the second half of episode 4. Why don’t they know how to write something light and joyful? Why did Pen have to suffer all season? Why did Colin then have to torture himself as well, rather than having an honest and complete conversation with Pen about her motivations and his feelings? They had no idea what to do with happy Kate and Anthony and had to send them away three times. It gives me no hope for the future. We’ll get a snippet of Polin, then they’ll be sent away too. I’m glad the viewing numbers are still high for Nicola’s sake- though I personally cancelled my Netflix account after part 2- but at the same time, I had hoped Jess would face consequences for her decisions regarding Polin. I can’t even get into my disappointment of adding *another* storyline rather than exploring the friendship between Lady Danbury and Penelope, after already taking away Eloise and Penelope, forcing Colin and Penelope to have to sneak around even more and hide in the shadows of their own season, ugh

I am so sorry that you feel this way about season 3, I know that if that is how the season made me feel after watching it, it would be awful.

I do agree that there was a lot of silent arguing in regards to Penelope and Colin (and I would have loved to see a happy couple, or them onscreen more/them have conversations), but I also think that because of Colin's storylines throughout all of the seasons - Colin trying to figure out his purpose, figuring out who he is on the inside - his silence made sense to me.

(he always tried to do things independently, he never really went to his family with issues and he never really had a friend to rely on because his only friend had been Penelope)

Colin would travel and be by himself during the off season, his character as a whole tends to be independent in regards to himself and to his feelings. He seems to try to figure out his shit on his own (which isn't always the best quality to have in the situations he found himself in).

So when he figures out Penelope is Lady Whistledown, his true response would be to be by himself and try to come to terms with his knew found knowledge and the feelings that were brought out in him because of it. Obviously anger is in there but his insecurity and jealousy being the biggest issues. Colin is jealous because he is insecure. Colin is insecure because he is jealous.

Colin likes to be the protector of the people he cares about, but he never wanted someone to be the protector of him (he didn't even want to be the protector of himself), so he would close himself off. He thought that he needed to do something for someone in order for him to get love. He would have married Marina to protect her (if she was honest with him), but it never would have occurred to him to protect himself in that situation.

I don't think that it would make sense to his character if he went directly to Penelope with what he was feeling because even if he did, he didn't quite understand it himself. If it was only anger, maybe? But it was so much more than that.

So when Penelope saved herself, she let the mask fall and combined Penelope and Lady Whistledown together, making her whole by not hiding any part of her.

Colin then in turn finally saved himself by taking his armour off, he let someone he loves protect themself and realized that they still loved him regardless. He didn't have be a protector, he didn't need to wear armour and battle other peoples issues, he only had to stand by her side and the love was still there. He could take that armour off and truly be himself, and by doing so actually realize his purpose and let go of his insecurities about love and life in general.

When Colin stopped acting fake he was able to figure out his love for Penelope. When Colin took off his armour and just stand by Penelope's side, he was able to get rid of his insecurities.

I think that even though both Penelope and Colin as characters are perceived to be somewhat happy and airy characters, their lessons and who they are as people have very sad undertones. I don't think it would have been possible to have all of the happy storylines and stay true to their characters. There needed to be angst, there needed to be controversy. I think there is room for the seasons to be more than 8 episodes, giving a chance for better storytelling and options.

As far as Anthony and Kate, they definitely dropped the ball. I just hope that they do come back for future seasons and they get to have something more.

Do I think that the season was perfect? No.

Do I think that there could have been options to see more of a happy couple in regards to Penelope and Colin? Yes. But I do think that there can be more options in further seasons.

Does Anthony and Kate make me question what they will ultimately do with Polin? Oh yes, but I won't stress myself out because of it. What will be will be.

[guardian-angle22]

Felt like putting together a little themed fic rec list! Here are some coda/missing moment fics for 3.07 Red vs. Blue. If I've missed any, let me know and I can add them to the list! (I also might make edits to these posts to add more fics as they get written. If I ever do so I'll be sure to reblog the post for visibility!)

Enjoy all of our amazing fandom writers and leave them some comments & love!

[Disclaimer: If you're an author and don't like to be tagged or linked for any reason, let me know and I'll remove the tag and make sure not to do so in the future, no questions asked.]

SOFTBALL FOCUSED:

◆ Win or Lose by @heartstringsduet (Words: 8.3K; Rating: E; d/s elements)

What if the softball game ended with nothing but TK receiving his rightful reward for winning? What if Carlos ever so slightly tweaked his plans?

◆ in your corner by @heartstringsduet (Words: 7.1K; Rating: M; d/s elements; part 5 of a series)

Win or lose, Carlos promises to reward TK after the softball game tonight. But all it takes is a single moment to unravel what they’ve built together.

◆ it's hotter than hell where i'm at by @petalwritesx (Words: 1.3K; Rating: M)

“If I would’ve known a softball uniform did this to you,” T.K. says, breathless between kisses, “I would’ve bought one a long time ago.” OR: Before their little award ceremony, Carlos and T.K. have some alone time.

◆ Sex Drive by @welcometololaland (Words: 3.8K; Rating: E)

Carlos has a thing for TK playing softball and TK has a thing for reflective surfaces, apparently. OR A season 3, episode 7 missing scene.

◆ "You love this, don't you?" by @irispurpurea (Words: 403; Rating: T)

Fictober 2022 Day 28. Prompt: “You love this, don’t you?” Missing scene from Red vs. Blue

◆ Gold name and number by @goodways (Words: 3.6K; Rating: E)

“I’m just saying Carlos, it was a simple ‘talk shit, get hit scenario’, the law has no place getting involved,” TK spoke with a tone like he was explaining simple first grade math. “First of all, that’s not true and second of all… no, no I think that’s it.” * Carlos has some feelings about TK in his softball outfit.

◆ Take Me Out to the Ball Game by @chicgeekgirl89 (Words: 1.5K; Rating: T)

He’s seen his boyfriend’s ass in a lot of outfits; his uniform, jeans, slacks, but nothing, nothing tops this. His boyfriend is hot. He’s so fucking hot. Carlos isn’t sure he’s ever seen anything hotter in his entire life.  A follow up fic for 3x07 "Red vs. Blue" in which T.K. wears a new kind of uniform and Carlos likes it. A lot.

◆ your hand under my jacket by @kiras-sunshine (Words: 5.8K; Rating: T)

"You know, I’m grateful you came to watch,” TK hums as he steps into their loft through the door, and immediately turns around to give him one of those wide and brilliant grins, and pokes the peak of Carlos’ cap upwards, “even though it looked like you were trying to be as incognito as possible.

END OF EPISODE FOCUSED or BOTH (TW: discussions of grief/death/dying):

◆ Everest to mariana by @paperstorm

A tag for 3x7, 'Red vs Blue', in which Carlos fulfills a teenaged fantasy and TK gets devastating news.

◆ i can't just bring them back, but darling i can hold your hand by @morganaspendragonss (Words: 2K; Rating: T)

It’s been hours, and TK hasn’t said a word. He hasn’t screamed, or cried, or done anything that Carlos has come to expect from someone who just found out a loved one passed away. He’s just curled up in a ball on the bed, staring blankly at the wall, and that’s where he’s been ever since he walked away from the party like a ghost. * a 3.07 coda/3.08 spec fic

◆ underneath by @kiras-sunshine (Words: 4.2K; Rating: T)

Grief is a powerful thing, and it affects everyone differently, creating unique pain and ache for everyone, and it is always a process, and TK has had his grief only for mere hours. It is still new, growing and invading space in him.

◆ not a victory march by @reyesstrand (Words: 2.8K; Rating: T)

Carlos approaches, still under the assumption that everything is fine because it's supposed to be, and TK feels his eyes start to burn when Carlos asks him to tell his mom he says hi.  Because that's something he's never going to do again.

◆ Surrounded by Love by @bluenet13 (Words: 5.8K; Rating: T)

A look at TK in the days, weeks and months following Gwyn’s passing as he processes his grief with the help of his family and friends. A 3x07 Coda

◆ this weight off your shoulders by @marjansmarwani (Words: 1.9K; Rating: T)

When Andrea Reyes receives a call from her son with terrible news, she makes a promise to a woman she only met once but always felt she knew. A 3x07 Coda

◆ may there be abundant peace by @maxbegone (Words: 2.6K; Rating: N/A)

Carlos sighs. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” “Yeah.” “I’m so sorry.” It warrants no further reply, because at this point Carlos is crying along with him, resting his forehead against his temple and securing his hold even tighter. If he didn’t feel so numb, TK would reciprocate somehow. But this day has been simultaneously a blur and the sharpest image, burned red-hot in his brain. He could relive every single moment in perfect accuracy, he swears. __ An introspective episode coda sometime after the events of 3.07 and 3.08.

◆ No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. by @tkstrrand (4 fic series, Total Words: 13.1K; Rating: G)

TK tries to balance moments of joy with grief/guilt following the months after his mother's passing.

◆ sometimes grief is an open wound - it bleeds and bleeds and bleeds by @morganaspendragonss (Words: 663; Rating: M; TW: Self-harm, Suicidal Thoughts)

His doctor puts him back on his antidepressants and he takes them without complaint, even when sometimes they feel like they’re doing more harm than good. The side effects leave him nauseous for a week, his already unpredictable sleep schedule fucked up beyond repair, but TK dutifully swallows them down every morning, because this means that he’s trying, right? It means that… It means something. It has to.

◆ wrap me up, enfold me by @strandnreyes (Words: 2.3K; Rating: G)

“She’s dead.” Those are the last words he has spoken in at least ten minutes. Now as Carlos sits beside TK on the couch, he isn’t sure what to do. His boyfriend is silent and unmoving, almost hauntingly so, and there’s this vacant look in his eyes that makes him look so unlike himself that it jars Carlos.

◆ Before...And After by @littlemissmarianna (Words: 256; Rating: G)

TK takes a shuddering breath. He doesn’t remember much about last night, except that he was catatonic after the call, then dissolved an hour later into a sobbing, hyperventilating mess. The only reason he didn’t shake apart was because Carlos had held him.

◆ wrapped in a cloak of misery by @pendragonsandbuckleys (Words: 1.1K; Rating: G)

The phone clattered to the ground only seconds before TK’s knees buckled from underneath him. - a 3.07 coda.

◆ silent answers by @blueink3 (Words: 577; Rating: T)

It’s Paul who notices first because of course he does. “She’s dead.” Who clocks the fact that something has gone horrifyingly, catastrophically wrong. “She’s dead.” “Carlos?” Not ‘hey, man’ or ‘you good?’ Not the casual, easy tone Carlos has come to appreciate ever since that night at the club. It’s diffused more than one high pressure situation, but this -  Nothing can fix this. A coda to 3x07.

[hischierdevils]

Forget You | N.H.

note: part four of the forget series!

summary: nico finds out who your ex is

warning: slight angst

wc: 1.9K

Breaking your lease is a lot easier than you thought it would be. Your best friend Abby helps you pack up your things as you close a chapter on your life. “I can’t believe we’re not going to be neighbors anymore. What am I going to do without you?” She pouts as she tapes a box shut for you. 

“You’re my best friend, Abby.” You remind her. “You’re still going to see me.” 

“But you’re not right down the hall anymore.” She flops onto your bare mattress. “Who am I supposed to call with boy problems?” 

“You can still call me.” You tell her as you pack the last of your items into a box. “And I thought you and Anthony were good?” Her and Anthony have been on and off again since they met. The same night you met Mat. 

“We are, right now. But lately…” She trails off as she looks at you, deciding if she should tell you something. Before she gets a chance to, Nico walks through the front door slightly out of breath. 

“Please tell me this is the last of it.” He says as he takes his hat off his head to fix his hair underneath. 

“Regret asking me to move in yet, Ni?” You grin as you walk over to hug his sweaty body as he places his hat back on his head. 

“I regret not hiring movers.” He says after placing a kiss on your forehead. “Never you.” 

“Well no one asked me if I approved of this move.” Abby says as she stands up. “You’re taking her all the way to New Jersey! I want custody, Nico.” 

Nico laughs at your best friend. “You are more than welcome anytime.” 

“Um, call ahead and make sure we have clothes on, please.” You interject. 

“Noted.” Abby smiles before pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. “I love you guys so much.” As she pulls away from you, she glares at Nico. “If you hurt her, I'll hurt you.” 

Nico smirks at the small blonde and opens his arms for a hug from her. “I'll never hurt her, I promise.” He winks at you as Abby gives him a quick hug. “She’s my girl.”

You didn’t give your apartment a second glance as you and Nico left it for the final time that day. The memories of you and Mat were now behind you. Nico was your future and you couldn’t wait to make new memories with him. 

It takes the two of you less than a week to fall into a comfortable rhythm with each other. After practically living together all summer, you already knew most of each other’s quirks. On Tuesday nights Abby would come over and have dinner with the two of you. Every other Friday you would go into the city and have a girls night with her. 

Pre-season began and you learned that not everything between you and Nico could be perfect all the time. Your schedules were different now that he was at the rink more and you were eating many meals alone. An argument arose one night when you got home from a long day of editing only to find that the leftovers you were thinking about all day weren’t in the fridge.

“Nico!” You cried out in frustration. 

“Yes?” He joined you in the kitchen quickly with shaving cream still on his face, recognizing the stress in your voice. 

“I had pasta in the fridge.” You cross your arms over your chest. “Where is it?” 

He frowns at you. “I ate it when I got home.” He sheepishly admits. “I was hungry.”

“Well now I'm hungry!” Hot tears of frustration line your eyes and you quickly wipe them away. “What am I supposed to eat? All you have is healthy shit!”

“You live here too, y/n!” He raises his voice slightly, making you flinch. “It’s not just my shit.” 

You roll your eyes, too frustrated to say anything. Nico shakes his head before walking back into the bathroom. Frustration tears continue to fall as you cut up a pomegranate and place it into a bowl, walking over to the couch to eat it. 

Ten minutes later, Nico walks out of your bedroom fully dressed and heads to the door. “I’ll be back.” Is all he says as he reaches for his keys. 

“Wait!” You practically fall off the couch in your effort to get to him. “Please don’t leave!” Nico freezes with his hand on the doorknob as you stand before him and cry. “I’m so sorry. I was just frustrated. I-please don’t leave me.” Your lower lip wobbles and he pulls you flush to his chest. 

“Baby, I was just going to get you food since I ate your dinner.” He explains as he smooths your hair down your back. “I’m going to come back.” 

“I-I thought…” You pause to gather yourself. Mat would leave at the first sign of trouble, always. Sometimes he’d ignore you and not come back for days. He’d claim he didn’t want to argue with you but it made you very wary of showing any sort of emotion around him. “...you were mad at me.” 

“Hey, it’s okay y/n.” Nico places his hand underneath your chin and tilts your head up so he can look at you. “Couples argue, it’s normal. I’m not going to leave just because we raised our voices a little.” 

You nod, too afraid to say anything else. Nico isn’t Mat. You know that. But sometimes it’s hard to override that trauma response. Nico bends his head down to kiss you. “Why don’t you go take a bath and I'll get you dinner?” 

“I don’t deserve you.” You tell him honestly as you pull away from him.

He chases your mouth with his before giving you a quick peck. ““Ich liebe dich.” 

“I love you too.” 

Things are so good between you and Nico that you don’t give a second thought to the fact that the Devils are playing the Islanders tonight at home. Abby is attending the game since her and Tito are on-again and she texts you all day sending you outfit options. You get to the prudential center before Nico to do some editing and you don’t see him again until warm-ups. 

Nico skates over to you, placing one gloved hand against the glass as soon as he sees you by the bench. You smile at him, bringing your own hand up to the other side. He mouths ‘I love you’ in German and you mouth it back before he skates off. 

During the national anthem you stand between the benches with Erika, trying to take some pictures of the guys. Feeling eyes on you, you look up to see Mat Barzal staring at you. He smiles when you finally look at him but you turn your attention away from him, not wanting to give him the time of day. As the game starts and you blow a kiss to Nico, you realize that you should’ve told him who Mat was to you. 

During the first intermission, you unblock Mat and draft out a text to him. You hesitate over the send button before Abby comes up beside you. “It’s going well!” She says happily. 

You delete the text and put your phone back in your pocket. “It’s tied 1-1.” 

“Yeah, but our men are doing great!” She smiles at you. “It’s weird to have men on different teams, huh?” 

“Abby, Nico doesn’t know.” You admit. 

“Doesn’t know what?” She furrows her brows at your nervous expression. “About you and Mat?”

You nod. “He knows I have a bad ex but I never told him who it was…” 

She bites her lip. “Everything’s been fine so far…maybe it will be okay.”

You knew it wasn’t going to be okay the moment you saw Nico and Mat headed out for the face off during the second period. Nico wins the draw but Mat quickly pins him on the wall. You watch in shock as their gloves go flying and Mat swings on Nico. Thankfully it gets broken up quickly and both of them are sent to the box. 

During the next intermission, you get a text from Nico. 

From: Lover ♥️

Would’ve been nice to know about Barzal

To: Lover ♥️

I didn’t think it would matter now

From: Lover ♥️

That I was playing against your piece of shit ex? He said shit about you y/n. 

To: Lover ♥️

I’m sorry. Just ignore him.

From: Lover ♥️

I’m not going to let him disrespect you but we need to talk

You’re a ball of pure anxiety as you watch the clock in the third period wind down. Nico and Mat haven’t been on the ice for longer than a few seconds since the incident but you can see Mat chirping Nico any chance he gets. After the game, you say goodbye to Abby before heading home alone. You’ve convinced yourself that Nico is going to break up with you by the time he gets home. 

‘Why didn’t you wait for me?” He asks as he walks into the bedroom to find you packing a bag. “Where do you think you’re going?” He begins unpacking your things as he waits for you to answer him. 

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me.” You sniffle as you pick up your clothes he threw out of your bag. 

“Baby, come here.” He reaches for your wrist and tugs you down to the bed so you’re sitting side by side. “I love you. Am I a little upset with you? Yes, but I'm not leaving and neither are you. We’re going to get through this together.” He holds both of your hands as he looks at you.

You bite your lip to keep it from wobbling as you look at him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Mat was my ex. I was just trying to forget about him and I didn’t think it would matter now anyways.” 

“He didn’t forget you.” Nico mutters. “It just would’ve been nice having a warning going into that faceoff.”

“I’m sorry.” You say again, not sure of what he wants to hear. 

“No more secrets, okay? We tell each other everything.” He presses his forehead to yours. “Deal?” 

You kiss him. “Deal.” 

Nico gets up to use the bathroom and you had just begun putting your clothes away when your phone starts ringing. You know who it is without having to look. 

“Why are you calling me?” You answer.

“I’m sorry.” Mat blurts out. 

“For hitting my boyfriend or for treating me like shit?” You roll your eyes. It’s been months. Why does he care now?

The word boyfriend doesn’t go unnoticed. “So it’s serious?” 

“It’s not a secret, yeah.” You sigh. “Why do you care?”

“I miss you and I'm sorry. If you’d give me another chance I’d do it right.” You know it’s bullshit.

“I love him, Mat.” You hope the words hurt him.

“Does he remind you of me?” He asks. “You traded one thirteen for another.”

“He’s nothing like you, thank god. I’ll never allow another man to treat me the way you did.” Your voice waivers for a moment as the emotions you feel for Nico overwhelm you. “Don’t call me again.” You hang up as Nico walks back in. 

“Who was that?” He asks you. 

“No one.” You respond. “Let’s go to bed.”

[cerealforkart]

I made myself these little dress up dolls because everyone’s getting changed all the time, here’s the first batch, outfits pre-episode 13

Design notes under the cut

[part 2] [part 3]

Lincoln

* I would first of all like to thank Lincoln for being shaped like a model (long boy) and thus very easy to dress up

* I forgot that Link needed to tear off his sleeves to make Normal a diaper in lesson 14, so in lesson 11 he grabs a sweater when I assume he goes home between escaping the FBI and returning to school

* Lincoln is so comically tall the Teeny costume (which I just moved from Normal to Link and edited to match Link’s pose) only reaches his knees. It actually looked so stupid that I had to edit it to make the Teeny costume slightly longer in the legs

* Link has two roombas in his room, he’s a clean boy, he isn’t walking around Taylor’s house in his bare feet, he doesn’t trust like that, it’s sock time

Scary

* I actually originally planned for Scary to have more piercings, but I forgot to add them in lesson 1. Let’s just say her mom won’t let her go crazy on the piercings, from what we’ve heard in rad facts (wouldn’t let her get a tongue piercing or learn guitar) that sounds in character

* I wanted to do the Shit Garden logo on Scary’s shirt like one of those metal bands that only people who like metal can actually read, but I only have so much time and patience

* I want so badly to play with Scary’s hair more, but I haven’t really had the chance, I hope there will be more excuses to give her different styles in the future, I like the braided bun for fancy occasions a lot

* Big T-shirt and shorts are peak pyjamas, love it for her. Also, you don’t need to know how long I spent trying to come up with something for her shirt to say

Normal

* Don’t tell anyone but I kind of miss drawing Teeny’s big stupid head every day, it was easy comedy

* I did actually draw a Jimmy Buffet design on the shirt before scribbling over it, you can barely see if you look closely

* I don’t actually have anything to say about Normal’s dance outfit so I guess I’ll just take this opportunity to talk about my Normal design in general. He was the one it took me the longest to land on and I’m still unsure if I’m happy with him, I want his hair to be long enough to just sorta hang and be greasy, but not so long that it will get in his face too much and I still consistently fail on it

* Not much to say about his sleepover fit either. Froggy :)

Taylor

* I had originally planned for everyone to be wearing their bracelets on their left wrists but in episode 8 it’s mentioned that Taylor is wearing his on his right, at that point I think I had only drawn Taylor’s bracelet once so it was easier to just change his and let him be a special boy (also, they keep the bracelets on post-FBI because Taylor never really has an opportunity to take it off and the others wear theirs in solidarity)

*After Lesson 10, Taylor swaps out the crest of friendship from Digimon to wear his dad’s ring of swapping as a necklace, he tends to grab at it when his dad or the topic of betrayal comes up

* I hate Taylor for his dance fit. No longer my favourite son

* Not really a design note but I watched the Sailor Moon dub in three parts on youtube with my little sister huddled around our home computer after school, we’re real OGs

Hermie

* I finally decided to add the Joker makeup to my Hermie design, I found a powdery sorta brush to use for it so now he’s a true clown. Good for him I guess

* You may notice that I’ve tweaked my Hermie design and his colour scheme just a little bit. This is because white Hermie is dead and you know what? Good for him. I also made his hair a little wavier for Scam, you’ll start seeing the updated Hermie design (as if you can tell there’s a difference other than the very slight change in hairstyle) in lesson 16, because I drew the lesson 15 pages before episode 23 came out and I wasn’t going to go back and change them

* Stupid Joker tie. Hate it

* No sleepover fit for Hermie. Tragic. They need to have another sleepover and include him

[softpine]

behind the scenes 🎬 - compilation

[read the post] + answered questions: [elaine’s trauma] // [elaine’s flaws]

this is one of the first major instances we’ve seen of elaine choosing to keep the peace by not bringing up something that upset her (stevie lying). she’s unsure who is right or wrong, so she’d rather just smooth it over and stop talking about it. we’ll see elaine do this again with austin immediately after this, so it’s becoming a pattern for her.

i wanted this scene to have a melancholy, sleepy, small town feeling, so i thought a church would be a great backdrop. i spent literally hours decorating the church (i gave it a whole kids playground in the back, and a corn field on the other side), but then you only ended up seeing it for one picture lmao. i even had to change the lot size so i could put her car on the road more easily. anyway, there’s this sign out front:

i chose this quote because, to me, it’s a very unhelpful way to look at life: to disregard your own problems because someone has had it worse. like... no, maybe you’re not suffering as much as jesus, but that doesn’t mean you’re not suffering at all. we can see that elaine is choosing to hide her emotions because everyone around her is going through “worse” shit.

tiny thing, but when elaine is about to cry as stevie is walking away, there’s a poster right behind her that says “Don’t let depression keep you down” :)

[read the post] + answered questions: [xena’s dad?] // [why did coco get so mad?]

i learned how to use premiere for this one! it was really simple once i learned the basics. all i had to do was turn the TV into a green screen and then the rest of the editing was fun color grading stuff.

the clip from Xena: Warrior Princess is meant to apply to coco specifically. but i can’t tell you why yet!

“See how calm the surface of the water is? That was me once. And then... [throws rock] The water ripples and churns. That’s what I became.” // “But if we sit here long enough, it’d go back to being still again. It’d go back to being calm.” // “But the stone’s still under there. It’s now part of the lake. It might look as it did before, but it’s forever changed.”

since i had to rewrite some things and i don’t think it will come up later, i’ll just tell you why coco thought she could trust tom in the first place: she takes a business class with him and she thinks the answers he gives during lectures are insightful. she knew tom recognized her from porn, but he never acted like a dick about it, so this was actually a bonus for her. she thought she could use it to her advantage – who wouldn’t want to do a favor for their favorite porn star? lol. she's also noticed him at the sports bar she works at, and he's never caused any problems. he even tends to keep his friends in check when they’re getting too rowdy over a game. overall, she thought he was a pretty decent guy, but unfortunately he ruined that :/

casper has a pill bottle on his desk. you can’t see the label, but it’s xanax. he takes it when he’s actively having a panic attack. that’s pretty much the only thing he’s doing for his mental health at the moment.

[read the post] + answered questions: [was austin’s mom home?] // [suicide tw]

when the scene opens, elaine is rehearsing her apology to austin in the mirror. you could interpret this many ways, but my intention was to show that it doesn’t matter how elaine truly feels about the situation or who was right / wrong, she just wants the fight to be over. in contrast, austin has been giving it deep thought.

truthfully, elaine didn’t want to have a heart-to-heart about her feelings. she’s flattered that austin opened up to her like that, but she doesn’t actually respond to anything he wrote in his letter – she doesn’t talk about marriage or kids or the future, she just kisses him and talks about the immediate future (the dance tomorrow). the interesting thing is that even though austin talking about his feelings is like pulling teeth, he opens up to elaine far more often than she expects him to. he thinks this is what she wants from him, but she’s never actually said that.

okay, so, the gun! it’s the second time we’ve seen it now, the first time being when austin’s grandpa pointed it at elaine’s head in a state of confusion. i wouldn’t blame elaine for being scared of it, even though austin told her it’s fake, but instead elaine has no fear in picking it up and looking at it more closely. she only gets scared when she hears austin coming home. all i can really say in addition is that the gun's placement on the dresser was deliberate, as was the polaroid of austin & elaine being underneath it (in fact, that wasn’t in-game at all, i added it in photoshop).

[read the post] + answered questions: [how many times has jada predicted her mom’s death?] // [sylvia?] // [past/present comparisons]

something i find heartbreaking is that jada has completely warped her memory of her mom due to time, trauma, and guilt. she hardly ever remembers happy memories unrelated to aileen’s death. but instead of feeling any negative emotions for her mom (even if they would be warranted) she directs them all inward. we’ve seen this in her nightmares, where she imagines aileen to be a cruel representation of her own guilt. in this flashback, we see that aileen is concerned, but doesn’t believe that jada’s visions are real, and she even calls her claims “ridiculous” after knowing that at least one of them has come true. jada wanted to lighten her guilt by sharing this knowledge with someone else, but it only made her feel worse when she wasn’t believed. years later, jada still puts none of the blame on her mom and all of the blame on herself.

we have no way of knowing how much aileen really knew. she may have dismissed jada’s claims out loud in an attempt to protect her, while secretly believing her (or at least partially believing her). you can tell that something has shifted in her perception after she hears how the ride operator died, but she tries to use logic to assuage jada’s guilt – and perhaps, her own guilt as well. we know that in death, aileen will repeat “I don’t feel good! Will you take me to the hospital?” – something jada originally said, not aileen. it’s a too-late warning, a constant reminder that she didn’t listen to her daughter and it cost her her life. if jada got her tendency to worry from her dad, she got her guilt from her mom.

[read the post] + answered questions: [who did jada condemn?] // [alisa’s abilities]

i’ve said almost everything i wanted to say about this one, but i do want to expand on why alisa reacted so strongly in this situation. at first, it seems that she’s deeply offended by the insinuation that she would give someone bad advice just to cause chaos. however, it becomes clear that alisa is more offended by jada’s hypocrisy. sure, alisa herself will admit that she does unethical things with her abilities, but jada has killed people with her abilities. except... does alisa actually judge her for this? or does she simply know it will get under jada’s skin? she finishes their conversation by saying “Don’t, for one second, think you’re better than me.” but she doesn’t argue that SHE is the better person. instead, she says, “We’re no different, you and I.”

but i’m not going to tell you how alisa feels, whether she’s being genuine, or if she really does care about jada – i want you to draw your own conclusions :P

[alwaysjustmina]

19 but specifically the dew thingy you told me? 😃

19 - snippets of WIPs

As you all know @jazz-bazz has hand written all the letters from my story Letters to Dewdrop and I had said I may have more letters in the future from Dew. While I don't have anything written, my idea is for after Whispers to Rain, is that Dew is trying to heal and he will be away for awhile at a cottage by a lake away from the abbey, either by himself or with others. He will have the letters Rain wrote with him and it will give him the idea to do the same, to get his feelings down on paper for Rain to read at a later date. These will be incredibly hard for him to write as it will explain his thoughts on what he went through, how he feels about Rain and what happened at the end of Whispers. It will be part of the next story arc and will more than likely start after January.

And since I needed clarification on for sure what Jazz wanted, I have also included upon request part of feral Rain/Dew that I'm working on for an anon. It is a follow-up to @papaslittlesunshine

Snippet (not edited yet):

“You look like shit.” Wow. Words from Dew for the first time in weeks.

He just shrugged and went to the counter to serve himself from the serving dishes. Quickly sitting as far from Dew as he could, wishing he could dissolve into the floor.

They both ate, Rain not knowing that Dew kept looking at him with a pensive look on his face. Even though they were far apart at the table the scent of Dew permeated his every pore. He could feel the fire in his gut intensifying as he sat there longer. Rain wasn’t going to let Dew chase him from this last meal though, he need this last bit of normalcy before it all fell apart for a few weeks.

Dew watched him from the other end of the table, Rain was hunched over his plate, not a normal occurrence, he was always so proper. Between the forkfuls of greens and succulent bits of fish, Dew noticed Rain grasping at his stomach, the quiet keens under his breath. It dawned on Dew that Rain was very near his heat cycle. Desire coursed this him at the thought of Rain once more under his body, writhing in pleasure, only brought on by Dew.

“I would think you would be in your room this close to your cycle.”

Rain’s eyes shot up, his brow furrowed, his eyes, the chocolate bottomless pools, sadness flashed across them. All he could mumble was a soft plea, a plea to leave him alone to suffer in his absolute sadness by himself. He would not cry in front of Dew, he promised himself, even as tears flooded his eyes, threatening to spill over. He quickly looked away, back to his plate.

Dew couldn’t stop himself from his questions, he knew what he had said to Rain. He had meant it, but the reasons behind it were his own. Even as he sat there though, his vision filled with Rain, Rain suffering, he wondered how he would make it through this time on his own. He had heard that he was planning to be by himself.

“Did you not find someone to spend it with?” Rain barely heard Dew with how quietly the words were uttered from his mouth.

“Why do you care, Dew, what does it matter to you what I am doing?”

Dew sighed at the response, “Rain, I still care about you.”

“CARE? H-How, Can’t you just, just, fuck, just leave me alone?” He practically shouted, sputtering the words between the tears that cascaded down his face.

“Of course I care about you, how can you even think I don’t.”

Rain pushed his chair back, the legs sliding across the floor with tremendous sound, echoing through the quiet den. No one to hear it except for the two of them. He gripped the table, as the chair fell over behind him, his plate sliding precariously close to the edge of the table. “Fuck you, Dew.”

Rain rushed to put his plate in the sink behind them, stumbling in his hurried frenzy to get back to the safety of his room, away from Dew, away from the hurt. He didn’t hear Dew push back from the table, his chair silent in comparison to Rain’s. He didn’t hear Dew walk behind him to the sink, he didn’t realize Dew had his arms on both sides around him, until he felt the heat of his body.

“D-Dew, please.”

Dew couldn’t stop himself as he crowded into Rain, nuzzling the strong muscles of Rain’s back against his face. “I miss you.” The words just slipping from his mouth.

Dew could feel Rain’s body tremble against his, he brought his hands front he counter to embrace his body, pulling him in close.

“My heart, is fucking, brok-broken,” Rain sobbed, unable to stop himself as Dew encapsulated him in his arms. Why did it feel so good, but break him apart even more.

Dew turned Rain’s body from the sink to face him, holding him close, Rain barely hanging on his, his arms loose at this side, the rejection he felt wracking his body all over.

Never be anything more.

It repeated in his head, over and over again. He went to push away from Dew, but his strong grip kept him between his arms. He brought his arms to pound at his chest, he couldn’t do this again, even through all the hurt he was still fucking in love with him.

“Please, please Dew, you are fucking killing me.” He begged.

Dew brought his right hand up to wipe away Rain’s tears as they flowed down his cheeks. He didn’t want to hurt Rain, he cared for him so much, but when Rain said he loved him, he shut down. He wasn’t worth his love, Rain was beautiful and pure, Dew was a demon, debauched and devious. He couldn’t give him the love he deserved even more after hearing the things his past relationships had said about him after they ended things. He didn’t think he’d survive the aftermath of Rain saying those things. Rain looking at him with hate in his eyes, it was better to end things now rather than face the hurt later that was inevitable.

Standing here though, with Rain in his arms, he questioned his absolute stupidity. The decision to hurt Rain, rather than letting Rain hurt him later, why would he do that to him.

“Rain,” he murmured next to his neck, inhaling him, he was intoxicating. Being this close to Rain was going to throw him headlong into his heat. He could feel both of their arousal despite the pain of the loss of the other.

“Dew, please, I can’t handle you this close, I was just learning to live without you.”

“I don’t want you to live without me.”

[themultifandomgal]

From 2010- Another Tour

Part 40

2014

23rd May

Tour started last month and while everything has gone well, mine and Liams relationship has started to crack again. I text him, but he won’t reply, or I’ll ring him and it will go to voice mail then he will reply days later with ‘sorry I was busy’

I’m sat in my dressing room texting Emma when I suddenly get a text off Liam.

The only thing I can think off is to go to the boys dressing room. Leaving my phone in mine, I walk to the door opposite mine and without knocking I enter

“I know your in your boxers and frankly I don’t give a shit. I just.. I don’t want to be in there on my own” my voice cracks which makes everyone look at me seriously. Harry pulls up his jogging trousers before cautiously walking towards me

“What’s wrong? What happened?” Louis asks

“Liam” the flood gates open and I can’t speak. Harry immediately wraps me up in his arms and strokes my hair

“Shhh your ok” he whispers

“What did I do?” I shake my head

“Not you. Liam broke up with me”

“He what!” Niall shouts “he rang you just before a show and broke up with you?”

“He text me” I sniffle into Harry’s shoulder

“What a dick” Niall scoff

“Ok, here’s what we will do. Well tell everyone you have food poisoning that way you don’t have to do the next….”

“No I’m doing the show tonight” I cut Louis off

“YN you can’t be serious” Harry says pulling away and looking at me with wide eyes

“Liam and I we’re together for 9 months. Yes it’s a long time but it’s not even a year. It’s not like we were married or anything”

“We’re here for you” Liam says and the rest of the boys all join in on a group hug

“I know thank you”

27th May- News Article

Liam Hemsworth Announces Break Up With YN YLN

27.05.2014

After 9 months of dating the couple have called it quits. The last time we saw Hemsworth and YLN together was when they appeared at the BRIT Awards at the beginning of the year. YN posted a Instagram photo celebrating the occasion

A close source to the couple state that the couple split up due to the long distance. While YN is on tour with her band One Direction, which started on the 25th April.

We are deviated to hear this news but we wish both YN and Liam the best and luck for the future.

* Second photo edit is by the Instagram account harianadimples

28th May

2 years ago yesterday I got the most worst phone all I had ever received. 2 years ago Alex grew his wings and became an angel. I’m still emotional today, constantly looking down at my A tattoo whenever I feel like I need strength.

The music to ‘Little Things’ starts and I look up to see the arena full of lights from phone

“Your hand fits in mine like it’s made just for me” Zayn starts off singing and a tear escapes from my eyes. Louis grabs my hand and sways with me along the music

“I won’t let these little things slip out of my mouth, but if I do, it’s you, oh it’s you, they add up to. I’m in love with you and all these little things” I attempt to sing in tune but I know my voice is cracking

After the song Harry turns to me and asks

“You ok?”

“I will be” I give Harry a small smile.

13th July

We had just finished up our last day of tour for a little bit while we have a small break to go home and visit family.

I’m walking to my dressing room when Erin calls me over to her

“Hey YN there’s someone round backstage waiting for you”

“Who?”

“Liam as in your ex liam”

“What’s he doing here?” I ask frowning and following Charlotte to the backstage door

“Don’t know but he is holding tulips”

“What the…” I’m not able to say anything else as we approach the door

“If you need me to get the boys to get you away from him just text”

“Thanks Char” I give he a little hug before opening the door. There’s so many fans about

“Before you say anything I’m sorry. I love you YN and since I sent that text I’ve been kicking myself. I shouldn’t have sent it you I’m so sorry. Will you be mine again?”

“Why don’t you come in?” I nod towards the stadium so we’re out of the public view

“I want everyone here to see how much I love you YN so what do you say? Will you take me back” I feel trapped. Like if I say no I’ll be the bad guy, if I say I need time I’ll still be the bad guy. So many girls are screaming for me to say yes, so I do. Immediately Liam wraps me up in his arms and kisses my lips.

We can figure this out can’t we?

[vvatchword]

Reading BioShock: Rapture (Part 3: The Prologue’s Prologue)

<- Part 2: John Shirley and the Front Matter || Back to the Beginning || Part 4: Going Down ->

And so I begin with the prologue—at long last.

Oddly, despite the trash fire that is everything else, it starts out perfectly fine:

Sullivan, chief of security, found the Great Man standing in front of the enormous window in his corporate office. The boss was silhouetted against city lights. The only other illumination was from a green-shaded lamp on the big glass-topped desk across the room, so that the Great Man was mostly in shadow, hands in the pockets of his crisply tailored suit jacket as he gazed broodingly out at the skyline. It was eight o’clock, and Chief Sullivan, a tired middle-aged man in a rain-dampened suit, badly wanted to go home, kick off his shoes, and listen to the fight on the radio.

Mmmm. Mmmmmmmm

I do like this

I have talked much shit but this is a good start. This is how a BioShock story should start: with The Man Upstairs Himself, Andrew Ryan. Chief Sullivan’s POV—displayed here in third person-limited—is a great choice as well. It leaves Ryan a little more mysterious and less defined, which I like. I think that keeping a character like Ryan mysterious is more akin to the dialogue we’d get during gameplay. We can’t see Ryan’s interior self; we see what he chooses to present to us. And if we have any flaws as human beings, it’s that we assume people are more put together than they actually are, so this is an excellent choice. Don’t ever give your reader a sense of his weakness. Just show him rollin (we hatin)

The two top paragraphs give an excellent sense of his standing and wealth (a chief of security at his beck and call from his ritzy upstairs office somewhere on Fifth Avenue, NYC). There are some factual and historical elements here worth looking up revolving around the locale: what kind of skyline you could see from what part of Fifth Avenue, mostly. For example, what’s the best area of the city to choose so Ryan isn’t just looking out his window at another window? Simultaneously, not every skyscraper or building on Fifth Avenue is going to be ideal for both business and skygazing.

That said, this is relatively simple to handwave away with just the barest knowledge of the area (Sachs! Fifth Avenue!), and I don’t know what kinds of businesses or buildings were typically present. At least this sounds right. (Note from Future Me: do not trust him. He is a hack. He didn’t even use Wikipedia. NOT EVEN WIKIPEDIA)

All of this dialogue is going on during a Dark and Stormy Night, so I spy a little of BioShock’s inherent camp as well, and I approve. Characterization is shown through a combination of body language and inner desires. We have a great feel for Sullivan as a workaday man and his awe of Ryan works perfectly. Very nice. Mwah.

What did I hate about this? This is fine. I mean, I guess it’s a little over-the-top on description, and there’s an ugly little adverb in there, but that’s not so bad. It’s not so ugly that it’s awkward.

Coincidentally, I heard that Ken Levine worked on some pieces for the novel. Several articles mention a “foreword.” Others mention that he was supposed to write a prologue and an epilogue. However, he’s not mentioned as a cowriter, and my version—a first-edition paperback—doesn’t have a foreword. We’ll have to presume everything is John Shirley until it is confirmed otherwise.

Yet sometimes it seemed the tycoon was casting about for a friend he could take to heart.

Oh.

No,,,,

noooooo, no. No,,,,,,,,,

Wrong. Bad. Wrong. Incorrect.

Showing versus Telling

This story goes from letting the mood and dialogue speak for itself to Telling almost immediately. For a brief, blissful second you’re really leaning into Chief Sullivan and then Andrew “Friendship Is Magic” Ryan happens in paragraph three. It’s like Shirley said, “SHIT, I forgot to mention he’s lonely,” and instead of finding a good place to show it, he just shoved a paragraph in there. “There! Done!” slams back wild turkey

So. Showing versus Telling. Writers yell about this a lot, especially the mantra: “Don’t Tell! Show!”

In other words, show the character feeling lonely. Don’t outright say he’s lonely.

Now, Telling has got its uses, whatever anyone says. That said, when it comes to character growth, you try everything in your power not to “Tell.”

This phrase. “Casting about for a friend.” Why is this here. Where did this come from. How does it feel. It literally pops out of nowhere, inspired by nothing. (Equally important is that every subject leads seamlessly into the next.)

Does Ryan seem like he needs a friend? Is that the main point of the scene? No, the point of the scene is Ryan’s political stance and forceful personality. You don’t need to explain every fucking theme at once, it’s okay. Like maybe start with the forceful Big Boss shit and then Ryan goes home and he’s like :( boy it sure is lonely round these parts.

In fact, that would be a great contrast, wouldn’t it?

Imagine this: a scene of the big bad boss man ordering his chief of security to beat the shit out of some strikers in Kentucky. Then show him getting into a nice car by himself. Show him eating dinner at a nice restaurant across from an empty chair, surrounded by diners who all have friends and beloveds at hand. (Show this against a mirror or window. He is not even looking at his reflection.) Show him leaving by himself; he heads to his fine penthouse apartment by himself. Show his driver and doorman as nonentities. Show him surrounded by quiet servants who quietly serve him and quietly leave until he’s sitting by himself with a glass of merlot. Maybe he has a newspaper or a radio sitting next to him. Emphasize that silence and the vast spaces around him.

If you must explicitly mention loneliness, I’d recommend Ryan talking like no one’s on his level. He probably thinks he’s too good for other people, and it’s possible his autism/BPD/trauma is so powerful that he’s on a separate plane of existence. Most Randian Ubermensch are.

Another issue with “Telling” is that it tends to flatten characters out. They become grocery lists of traits. And Ryan should not ever, ever be flattened. He should rise above you like a thunderhead. Do not steal his mystique—that’s literally the most important facet of his character. I’m sure there’s a way to “Tell” that he’s lonely, but this is not the right place or time, and this sounds like he’s a little girl listing all alone in a playground instead of a big bad boss man who sends strikebreakers to fuck people up.

I’m Sorry to Report to You

Ryan asks Sullivan for his two reports.

“Let’s have the report on the strikes first, get it out of the way. The other one…” He shook his head. “That’ll be like hiding from a hurricane in a cellar. We’ll have to dig the cellar first, so to speak…”

what

I’m assuming this line means, “A cellar is inadequate for a hurricane. Therefore I need to build a cellar for the oncoming hurricane.” Which makes. No goddamn sense.

But I also have no experience with hurricanes. To make certain I was not missing some finer point, I went to a friend who has lived in the hurricane lands and asked her questions.

watchword — Today at 6:22 PM FRIEND. I have a hurricane question for you. "That'll be like hiding from a hurricane in a cellar." What does that mean to you To me, it implies that a cellar wouldn't be enough. Admittedly, I've never lived in hurricane country

Salty — Today at 6:23 PM It's very silly, tbh Hurricanes are multi-day affairs And usually we don't have cellars in hurricane country

watchword — Today at 6:23 PM Is this a saying that you know of? Guess where I read it

Salty — Today at 6:23 PM LOL It's not a saying I know, but I can guess that someone confused a tornado with a hurricane

watchword — Today at 6:24 PM I have always gone into cellars for tornadoes what the fuck

Salty — Today at 6:24 PM Hurricanes are like big multi-day thunderstorms, and usually on the coast, the water table is too high to have a cellar or basement

(I found out all of this under two minutes john)

Long story short, this sentence does not make any goddamn sense and it’s the second thing that Andrew Ryan says.

Sullivan wondered what he meant by that cellar remark, but he let it go.

NO. Sullivan do not let him go. Ask him what the fuck that even means. Sullivan? You must kill him sullivan

Instead of killing him, Sullivan tells him about strikes.

“The strikes—they’re still going on at the Kentucky mines and the Mississippi refinery.”

Okay there are two jarring problems here.

First is the specificity. Consider this: these are two adult men, both professionals, both competent in their respective fields, and they are speaking about a situation that has been ongoing for a while. This is a report that Ryan expects, and the implication is that there have been others.

One would expect for Sullivan to have a far more specific insight into the situation—perhaps big players on all sides, perhaps a list of demands from the strikers, perhaps some talk about national, state, or city politics or site layout and all the ways they affect progress. Moreover, when strikes occur, they are often referred to by the name of the city and company they’re part of, and it makes sense that Ryan would have an idea of his facilities and where they are in the country.

Long story short, proper names would be rattled off left and right, stakes and states would be presupposed or mentioned offhand, and both Ryan and Sullivan would know what they were immediately.

Second, the phrasing is so juvenile that it’s cringe-worthy. This sounds like what a high-school student thinks that businessfolk sound like. “They’re still going on” is such a nothing sentence. Under what circumstances? Sullivan would know what circumstances and he’d start out right where they left off the last time.

If I put myself in my CEO shoes, “they’re still going on” is not something I’d wait up to hear. I’d be like bitch I know, have they been able to ship the scabs in? How about the Elizabethtown situation? How many more did that Pinkerton bastard say he needed? All right. How much? He said he could do it with $XXXX; why hasn’t he managed it? Did they at least take care of that Mulligan man? Why not? jesus christ is everyone a fucking Red-tit-sucking bastard? What do you mean the mayor wants a payoff? What is this, Ukraine?

Except I’d not say “Ukraine,” I’d go look up first-hand accounts and experiences with famously corrupt governments in the Soviet bloc between years 1930 and 1946 that Ryan may have had personal experience with and just replace “Ukraine” with some important city somewhere with a tiny off-hand note that makes it sound like Ryan knows his shit. I probably wouldn’t swear that much, either—Ryan is classy until he’s been pushed to the edge.

But this is just a first draft, too. This is just me making shit up in literally 10 seconds. You come in later and you smooth that shit out. You look up where mines are located in Kentucky, where refineries were most likely to be located in Mississippi, and you might look up what kind of products they make and staff they’d employ at those locations in 1945. Look for pictures and firsthand accounts of related strikes at the time and double-check if the Pinkertons were even still a thing in 1945. Extrapolate, steal, remix, and you’re golden.

Also? This is wartime. Not only was production a completely different monster, businesses were under the heel of the US government at this time. Interesting historical note: most unions had pledged not to strike. In 1943, coal miners were like fuck you, pay me, and a strike began. The government responded by nationalizing all coal mines and threatening to send in troops as strikebreakers. When nationalization and the threat of violence didn’t work, President Roosevelt’s next response was to fucking criminalize striking in war plants or nationalized industries.

Did the coal miners care?

lol no

And so labor gains were made during an unlikely period.

I found this out in 30 seconds of searching from a quality source at the US Archives. Usually I look for at least two separate accounts of the same event just to make sure I haven’t stumbled on some goofery, as well as read documents both primary and otherwise, but if you’re short on time, a .gov website does nicely.

Why Are You Like This Again

Technically, Shirley is overcoming a problem here: he needs to communicate the kind of person that Andrew Ryan is, what Ryan is like in business, and Ryan’s political viewpoints. He doesn’t want to get locked up in meaningless minutiae. Of course, rattling off exact names is a great way to bluff your way out of a situation like this—to look like everything is business as usual, and imply you know more than you do. Despite writing more books than the Bible, Shirley does not know how to do this.

This is that pandering to the lowest-common denominator that I was telling you about. Shirley cannot trust the reader to know anything about the time period, the work of a company president (I’m not using “CEO” because this term was coined in 1984—neat), or anything beyond the most basic comprehension of wartime, unions, and strikes.

I just realized that Shirley is also the lowest-common denominator so good news for all the low-coms out there.

There’s a simple solution, of course: have the strikes be brand new. Then Sullivan would have to share explicit details about what’s going on, since Ryan would be equally new to the situation. There would still be some shorthand in their speech to experiences they’ve had outside of this one, but it would be easy this way. Then you can mention everything by name (“Our mines in Martin County!”) for the benefit of the reader.

The eagle-eyed reader will have noted: yes, that would be easy! but it would also take work. What if u are tired. What if u r unmotivate. Wat if

rather toke

puff puff

Of course, there are ways to ease the reader into these subjects. We’re approaching this work as a standalone, remember? This is one of the strengths of literature—the ability to explain complex subjects in-narrative by bouncing off of other intangible subjects.

Your reader doesn’t have to know everything, but the dialogue should be immediately understandable to them by context alone. And it’s totally doable! I’ve done it! Because you have to do it with all subjects when you’re writing, not just historical concepts! If you’re a writer you’ve probably done it without thinking about it!

Basically, you lead the reader in with easy concepts, then build on that simple foundation with more and more complex ideas. It takes some work and thought, but it’s also fun and interesting and is a great educational opportunity for both you and your reader. I can’t believe I’m writing this

Touchy-Feely

Here’s the problem.

I said in the last installment that I suspected I’d see quick, undigested concepts. I did not guess that Shirley would opt to do NOTHING. No research, not even badly. He didn’t even look at a map. He’s almost purely visual, and in the worst way: he bases his scenes on how he feels about the 20,000 movies he’s seen and conflated in his brain.

I now suspect that he is the kind of writer one is in childhood: the kind who writes solely by feeling. This can be done, and can be done well, but it is also hit-and-miss because you’re not sure WHY you’re doing what you’re doing. This probably explains why he could win an award: because he wrote with his whole dong at some point, took for granted he would be Great Forever, and got complacent.

Because Shirley isn’t here to write about a concept. No, he doesn’t have a concept to explain at all. He writes blindly, with his little feelers bipping and bopping all over. He is a pillbug with Microsoft Word and an internet connection.

Black Butterflies is in two parts: eight stories set in "This World" (what we call reality) and eight stories set in "That World" (where the door swings open into the realm of the surreal, the supernatural). In "This World" we meet a middle-class white woman who turns a mugging by two black youngsters into her chance to pursue glory as a criminal; a cop who knows his partner is guilty of murdering his wife; two hustlers who throw a sadistic and drug-infested party at the expense of their bound and unwilling host (believe it or not, it's hilarious); "a girl who died from cum"; and two bike messengers whose fate is to join hundreds of other people in a freak accident so... —Summary of Black Butterflies by John Shirley on Amazon

This seems pretty cool, actually. I might actually rea

wait

she died from what

Well now I’m definitely reading it. Although I’d bet money it’s edgy 90s bullshit.

You Should Be Ashamed

Shirley just wanted an approximation of Business Men having a Business Talk. He doesn’t take a step back and say, “Ah! I should know what an oil tycoon might talk about to his chief of security in midcentury America. In which case: I should know how the oil business works, I should know what a security officer does, I should know what company presidents do in case of a strike… oh, and I need to introduce some themes: the loneliness of being a great man, the kinds of people Andrew Ryan would surround himself with, Andrew Ryan’s politics…”

In his mind, he sees that scene he’s seen a hundred times before—the one where the lackey has not done enough, and then the Big Businessman says, “You’ve let me down, lackey!” And the Lackey, satisfactorily stung, murmurs: “I will do better, sir.”

But he doesn’t know why he needs it, so it all comes across as nonsense. It’s just the random babbling of a theme generator. This is like AI writing. I mean if you care that little just go into a book published in like, 1940, and steal the dialogue out of that. Nobody reads anyway, just be a bastard, jesus christ. I mean I’ll still hate you but…

I can’t believe this is where I’m at right now: debating myself whether it’s more or less ethical that he did nothing because he didn’t care or was too lazy to steal. I suppose it’s possible that he’s not lazy, just incompetent, but that’s even worse somehow.

He was paid. He was paid to do this. This is ultimate “have the confidence of a mediocre white man” energy.

Long story short, you don’t have to care terribly much to do this right. I did all of the research above in less than an hour, and it’s been a minute since I’ve read up on wartime industry. I’d be embarrassed to end it there, but there are little ways to cut corners that don’t make you look like a fucking jerk.

At this moment, I feel like I can say, with absolute confidence, with curled lip and disdainful eye, that this wasn’t done right. It wasn’t even done. Shirley didn’t do even a modicum of research. Not even to look up a couple of random towns in a couple of random states. Not even to straight-up invent them.

I’ll just say it: pathetic.

Parasite Expectations

If I spent any time going over all of the dialogue here, I’d end up sharing the contents of the entire page, and I think that is frowned upon in copyright law. However, if I told you everything was wrong, would you believe me? All of the same problems apply: juvenile speech patterns, a lack of specificity everywhere that matters, and constant Telling.

Oh! And a new problem rears its lopsided head: weird fucking tangents. There is a random aside to the shoulder padding in Ryan’s jacket for no reason. I think it’s supposed to give you a material sense of the different era? It’s weird though, and it occurs after unrelated dialogue. It’s akin to those novels where the character gets out of bed and looks in the mirror at her blue orbs.

Note to would-be historical novelists: read midcentury novels and note what jumps out at you as old. Everything sounds pretty much the same as today except no one has computers or cell phones, and there’s some problem-solving that revolves around that, but all you have to do is confer with the Olds in your life if you’re uncertain. Every now and then someone mentions snapping a garter or there’s a random mention of typewriters or talking to a phone operator. Oh, and everyone wears a hat. And it’s rarely a specific hat, it’s just “hat.” Because usually people don’t think twice about the mundane bullshit they have to do until they have to do it, and knowing when to be specific is its own art.

Just fucking read ok. Don’t be a Shirley. He clearly hasn’t read anything in his life.

Buzzwords

After Sullivan shares the poor man’s version of a “But I twied to stwikebweak them, Mr. Wyan,” Ryan says at one point:

“Have you been out there in person? Did you go to Kentucky—or Mississippi, Chief? Hm? You need not await permission from me to take personal action—not on this!"

What is Sullivan supposed to fucking do, run out there and start beating people with a stick?

A new misfortune has arisen: now it’s clear to me that Shirley doesn’t know what Sullivan’s job entails.

I could tell you how this kind of research works but at this point I’m just fucking horrified. This is unbelievable. If you don’t know what a job is like, research it. Have you done it? Oh of course not, you’re a lazy-ass bastard and you have more confidence than capability. But let’s say you give a shit!

Now take your little notepad out, write down all the details you can’t answer, list them in order of importance, and then research them. That’s how it works. There are people on AO3 taking college classes to understand sign language or research historical periods for fanfiction only 20 people will ever read. Tor and 2K paid this man to regurgitate half-baked movie sequences that he couldn’t be arsed to look at a map for.

And it’s even worse than that, somehow. He didn’t just not research. He didn’t even make something up! He didn’t say to himself, “What does a security officer do? Uhhh from my extensive viewings of Die Hard:” and then just invent shit. He just did nothing.

Not only is this nothing like real life, this isn’t a scene as it would exist in a film. It’s merely film-like. It’s the undigested impression of a sequence. It’s the shadow on the cave wall. It’s the writer equivalent of nearsightedness.

Now, if Shirley had been specific, we would be able to say exactly what Sullivan ought to do. But we have no idea what is even happening. Shirley should have asked how strikes work, and what kinds of things a security officer with no moral compass might get up to, and what kinds of vengeance a tycoon might wreak, among many other things. But Shirley does not know. Nor does he care. And besides, it’s just so much fucking work and he’s got to go Geezer Scream at a dive bar for the dead.

Most importantly, this dialogue doesn’t reflect well on Sullivan and it doesn’t reflect well on Ryan. They are not only pretending to be a Chief of Security and a company president, they are pretending to be human beings. Also, both of them now look weak as balls. I am confident I could beat both of them to death at the same time with my bare fists and I am a bag of juice.

Ryan continues:

“Unions… they had their own little army in Russia—they called them Workers Militias. Do you know who these strikers are? They are agents of the Reds, Sullivan! Soviet agents! And what is it they demand? Why, better wages and work conditions.”

I had a history class too. Did this guy share literally anything that he hadn’t heard offhand once? Has he ever opened a book just to learn something?

In any case. This. This is where I knew I was going to hate this book forever. This paragraph sounds like a joke. Is this what Shirley thinks satire is? I’m going to kill myself.

This is the paragraph that settled the back cover summary’s authorship for me. This is the paragraph where I realized, “John Shirley does not understand Objectivism or Andrew Ryan, nor the appeal of either.”

Perhaps this is a great place to work in another aside. Do you like asides? No? Fuck you.

Aside #330,80085,5420695.52

So! Back in the day there was this commentator for Fox News called Charles Krauthammer. He was a legitimately intelligent and capable man and a Pulitzer Prize winner. Fox would set him on a panel with three babies and it was like night and day. The babies with their perfumed cheeks and platinum blow-outs would share their shower thoughts, which were mostly buzzwords and half-digested anger.

Then Krauthammer would start speaking and you felt like there was a miscarriage of justice. How did these three other losers get on this panel? Send them back to fucking preschool. He had this vision of cause and effect over time that the babies were too young and poorly-educated to see. He was connecting dots to universes only he could show you. Like are there more of this man? If there were, leftists would be in trouble.

Conservatives loved this guy because they all suffer from this niggling terror they are all actually very dumb, and it wounds them that intelligentsia tend toward liberal doctrines. But if Krauthammer was smart that meant they were actually smart! (this is its own stupid bullshit but it’s all they have. god bless them. having your head permanently stuck up your ass is difficult work)

I thought about going back to listen to some old Fox News shit for this but I decided to pull a Shirley. I am forced to listen to Fox News every day now and I can’t stand it. It’s probably not what I remember. I liked Krauthammer back when I was a conservative, but I have also been an idiot for most of my life. It is probable that I still am. An idiot, I mean. Look at me NOW. Picking up pennies, gasping for breath in an airtight room, writing this shit for three people and about 10,000 bots. Feed this shit into your AI algorithm and get fucked.

Now.

This Andrew Ryan is spouting shower thoughts. This is not Krauthammer behavior. It’s not even Randian behavior—and like it or not, she was intelligent, in her own way.

But Shirley’s Andrew Ryan is not an intelligent man. This is not a Pulitzer Prize winner. You can tell because all he utters are buzzwords, and the buzzwords are expected to do all the heavy lifting.

Does BioShock’s Andrew Ryan utter buzzwords? Sure, to expand on concepts. Look at some of his dialogue from the game:

Gregory, don't come whining to me about market forces. And don't expect me to punish citizens for showing a little initiative. If you don't like what Fontaine is doing, well, I suggest you find a way to offer a better product. —“Offer a Better Product,” BioShock

What is the buzzword? “Market forces.” Ryan mentions the market forces, then builds on his ideas of what ideal market forces are. This is also a great baseline for his character. He hates Frank Fontaine. He has known Fontaine is bad news for a long time. He will not stop Fontaine for his success alone.

On the surface, the Parasite expects the doctor to heal them for free, the farmer to feed them out of charity. How little they differ from the pervert who prowls the streets, looking for a victim he can ravish for his grotesque amusement. —“Parasite Expectations,” BioShock

What is the buzzword? “Parasite.” “Parasite” has a specific meaning in Objectivist parlance, as well as BioShock's, and it’s something that Ken Levine built on over time.

Your first thought when you heard this, as a sane person, was to reject it. Levine knew you would reject it. He wants you to hit that cognitive dissonance and wriggle in your seat. He wants you to think.

This audio diary is an expansion on the concept of the parasite. What other parasites are in game, literally and figuratively? What is parasitic behavior? Is this really parasitic behavior? What are the differences between your definitions of “parasitic” and Andrew Ryan’s?

Just because I hate you, here is some shit from Atlas Shrugged:

“Who is John Galt?” The light was ebbing, and Eddie Willers could not distinguish the bum’s face. The bum had said it simply, without expression. But from the sunset far at the end of the street, yellow glints caught his eyes, and the eyes looked straight at Eddie Willers, mocking and still—as if the question had been addressed to the causeless uneasiness within him. “Why did you say that?” asked Eddie Willers, his voice tense. —Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand

Throughout Atlas Shrugged, Rand uses “John Galt” as a touchstone. She creates a buzzword, and she expands on it over and over and over. There are over 500,000 words of expansion in this shit. She does not tell you why it’s important. She introduces a sensation of unease and hints that the name is everything.

She does not do as Shirley does here:

“[Buzzword]… they had their own little army in Russia—they called them [Buzzword]. Do you know who these [buzzword] are? They are agents of the [buzzword], Sullivan! [Buzzwords]! And what is it they demand? Why, [buzzwords] and [buzzwords].”

Using a single word or phrase to carry a world of meaning is a fucking privilege, not a right. You must earn it. And if Ayn Rand is kicking your ass you need to rethink your work strategy.

Did You Want the Second Report or

Ryan wants that second report:

“And—the other report? It’s true, isn’t it?” “Both cities are almost entirely destroyed. One bomb apiece.” … “Our man in the State Department smuggled this out for us.”

And then Sullivan gets him some nice glossy photographs. thanks sullivan. u could have killed him sullivan. this could have been short sullivan

This is a rare case of John Shirley doing research.

First of all, photos of nuclear destruction didn’t get out for some time. You can confirm this by looking at the front pages of newspapers. Reporting on the disasters occurred nearly simultaneously in the Western world, but newspapers of the day didn’t have images—Japan was closed to outsiders—so they used drawings and stock art to depict related subjects (the pilots responsible and the plane used, for example) or what they thought the destruction might be like (by quick artistic rendition) or political comics (“fuck u because Pearl Harbor”). Immediate images of the destruction do exist, but it took them a while to get out, and there was also some good old-fashioned censorship (USA! USA!). If you want a good jumping-off point, the Wikipedia article shares a few bite-sized nuggets.

Secondly, reports of radiation sickness—and concepts of atomization itself—were not really in the public consciousness at this point. Nor were they reported until at least a month later.

So yeah, it makes sense that if Ryan wanted to see real pictures and get information he could trust, he’d lean on his power and prestige to get them—it's a great illustration of both, as well. But none of this is explained or implied in any effective way, and I was already deeply suspicious of Shirley, so my very first thought was, “You mean………. the second report…….. was the fucking newspaper”

The part of this that irks me is how many times Andrew Ryan turns to Sullivan for his opinion. I feel like this is wrong and I can’t put a finger on it. I truly don't think he'd ask Sullivan for his opinion except in a hypothetical sense, and I don't think he'd broadcast his mood. My idea of Andrew Ryan is as someone who is extremely controlled. But BSR's Ryan is unpleasantly soft and too obviously unsettled. Why does he care?

I ask this because Randian Ubermensch do not give a single shit about what anyone ever thinks, ever. This is not to say that we should strip Ryan’s humanity away like Rand does, but there’s a way to do it effectively. I know this is true because Ken Levine did it and because I have been the kind of person who understands this particular brain rot.

In any case: this gives us a literal date for this sequence. It would have to be after August 9, 1945, when Hiroshima was wiped off the map, and before images got out (I didn’t look ahead far enough to see who got first dibs because that's not my job). So why wasn’t an exact date given on the front page? Because the first page just says “1945.” Why not “August 10, 1945” or “August 1945”? Like if you’re giving the date give the whole-ass date. Are you afraid of commitment john shirley

Before we go on, look at this. LOOK AT THIS

The Great Man held the glossy photographs to the window so he could make them out in the twinkling light of the skyline.

Shirley is so sold to this image of a silhouette against a skyline that he makes Andrew Ryan try to look at pictures with the light from someone else’s window 17 miles away.

THERE’S A LAMP RIGHT BEHIND HIM. THERE’S A LAMP. DO YOU REMEMBER THE FUCKING LA

I Have to Stop Now

I have been trying to keep these posts under 3,000 words. Every single one has hit 6,000. There is something remarkably cursed about all of this.

I think I’ll start stretching out and covering larger swathes of text eventually. We’re basically setting a baseline: for what kind of writer John Shirley is, for what kinds of flaws he is cursed by, for what kind of work he’s willing to do or cognizant of or whatever.

Look guys. I’m on page 3. It’ll get less dense from here on out. I promise.

At least I am getting a foot up on my own research, right?

right?

kill me

<- Part 2: John Shirley and the Front Matter || Back to the Beginning || Part 4: Going Down ->

[tallmadgeandtea]

Hi! SS&SP Chapter 11 is finally finished! With a shit ton of editing and little time to do it, of course, but here’s a snippet from a fun future scene where Lizzie and the boys get into shooting shenanigans, and Benjamin… well… you’ll see:

“You should demonstrate your special move, Bennyboy.” Caleb Brewster said, his mouth curled in a sly grin. He moved the pistol between his hands as if it were a plaything, wooden and ineffective, the bullet a ball tied to a string.

Elizabeth redirected her attention back to Benjamin. “Oh?”

He glanced downward, “I don’t think that’s necessary, Caleb. Would be a waste of bullets.”

“What are you referring to, Mr. Brewster-”

“Eh, Lizzie, what did I say?”

“Caleb.”

“I once saw him shoot a man while flying on his horse like a devil outta hell.” Caleb replied. “Quite a sight to see if you ask me.”

“She didn’t,” Benjamin said curtly.

The rest of the group’s interest piqued, the conversation lulled, nonverbal deliberation hanging in the air with the gunsmoke. “I agree with Brewster,” Hamilton, of course, with an eerily similar scheming grin— a gunner’s grin. “I haven’t seen a good cavalryman perform since my last raid with Harry Lee.”

Benjamin scoffed, a low, warning laugh. “I’m not performing, Hamilton.”

“Let him go.” Tilghman looked over his shoulder, past the tree line and towards Headquarters. Were the sentries watching, or was she seeing things? He shook his head, smiling gently at Elizabeth. “His Excellency doesn’t want any shooting that isn’t drills, let alone a pistol from horseback.”

“You’re wrong about that, Captain,” Caleb clicked his tongue, “we’ve been at it for an hour and he still ain’t sent one of those men to come and scold us.”

Tilghman bristled at the casual rebuttal. “Don’t push your luck.”

“It’s my speciality.”

“I will push mine,” Lafayette finally entered the petty argument, “His Excellency listens to any explanation I offer. Is that not the case, gentlemen?”

“Always is!”

She ignored the rising argument over Washington’s favoritism. She looked back at Headquarters. Was he watching? Standing at his office window with his hands behind his back, distracting the others from copying orders? Would he bring it up at dinner?

If they let me stay, I’ll defend them. If worse came to worst, she’d show Washington her shot. And she’d tell him Benjamin was the reason why. She still felt his strong hands on her arm, perfecting her stance, the way he whispered in her ear, the way she turned around and her chin almost grazed his shoulder, the way he smiled when they saw the bullseye.

The bullseye wasn’t on the target, though.

“Major Tallmadge?”

“Miss?” Benjamin’s voice struck down the argument.

“Will you do it for me?”

He considered it- he considered her, searching her expression in the lull between speaking, she tilted her head to the side, giving him a soft, inviting smile. Clever girl, Elizabeth. She tried convincing herself it was wrong to use what she learned in Philadelphia on him.

Useless.

“…If you really want me to, Miss Walker.”

Elizabeth and Caleb exchanged the weapon. She held the pistol. Was the handle still warm? Still pulsing with their shared energy? “I do.”

Benjamin nodded, resigned. “Just a moment.”

He took the pistol from her and tucked it into his belt. He left the group, grabbing his helmet and cradling it on his side. He disappeared from the clearing and transformed into a silhouette until he reached Headquarters.

Caleb inhaled sharply through his teeth, shaking his head. He folded his arms. “He just can’t say no to you, Lizzie.”

Lafayette and the aides raised their eyebrows, but didn’t say anything. Elizabeth caught Tilghman’s expression change— changed to his curious, almost apprehensive look from earlier. Take a step back, Ben, he’d said. She hadn’t notice they were practically- she couldn’t call it an embrace. Yet there was no other word she could use.

Even though he technically outranked him, Benjamin had listened to the order.

[moonlightperseus]

SLEEP ITS ALL RIGHT ILL KEEP WATCH ,,,, FOR SOMEONE OF UR CHOICE ,,,,,,,,,

1.3k // set in a 911 post-apocalyptic au that i may or may not expand on in the future (hooooo boy, much like bastille's extended edition of the doom days album— this got out of hand )

“You should get some sleep,” Buck says as he uses some rope to secure the door shut.

“No offense, but I don’t think that rope tied to a hook on the wall is gonna be any good if we’re attacked in the night.”

Buck shoots the other man a look, “well no, but it’ll at least keep us out of sight—and keep out any scavenging animals.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow, arms crossed over his chest—sitting on the floor and looking petulant in a way that reminds Buck oh-so-much of a certain eight year old. 

Buck looks away. 

“It’s alright,” he ties another knot in the rope for good measure, “I’ll keep watch. You need to rest, your ankle—”

“It's not broken,” Eddie insists, “it’s just a sprain.”

“—is injured, in order to do any healing you have to get some rest.”

Eddie huffs out a sigh and Buck takes it as the closest thing to acceptance that he’s going to get.

“Here,” Buck moves to where he sat down his backpack, takes off the attached bedroll and tosses it to Eddie, “no reason for you to lie on the bare shitty ass concrete—and don’t give me the ‘I’ve slept on worse’ speech—healing has no room for macho tough guy shit.” 

Eddie stares down at the bedroll in his lap for a moment and then looks up at Buck with an unreadable expression on his face, when he turns his attention back on the bedroll, he wordlessly begins undoing the straps keeping it rolled tight and spreads it out next to him.

Before Buck can offer to help him, Eddie unceremoniously shifts himself over onto it, hissing quietly when the movement jostles his ankle. Buck winces in sympathy.

Just as quickly as he had moved to the makeshift bed, Eddie removes his jacket and peels off the flannel underneath, leaving him in just a thin black tank top, Buck finds himself looking away for a reason he can’t quite explain. 

When he looks back, a small part of him is relieved that the tank top remains on, while the jacket is folded somewhat neatly on the ground beside Eddie and the flannel shoved under his head as a makeshift pillow. 

Eddie catches his eye and pats at the jacket, “no reason for you to sit on the bare shitty ass concrete.” 

Buck laughs, shaking his head a little, but obediently moves towards Eddie, pausing only before sitting down, “won’t you get cold?” 

“I run hot,” Eddie says simply, patting at the jacket with a little more insistence, “I’m saving your ass—literally—it’s the least I can do, so don’t go all macho tough guy on me here.”  

Buck laughs again, softer this time, “alright, alright, as long as it means you’ll get some rest.” 

Eddie settles back onto the bedroll once Buck sits down on the jacket—it provides little cushion but manages to prevent the cold of the cement from seeping through to his skin. 

Buck flicks off the small lantern providing them with light and leans back against a wooden support beam, a hand reaching out to rest on the hilt of his axe.

There’s just enough moonlight coming in from the few narrow windows lined along the top of the shed for him to make out Eddie’s figure beside him, eyes closed, but Buck can tell he’s not asleep yet, his breathing not yet evened out and body a little too stiff. 

Sleep isn’t something that comes easily to anyone these days. 

Buck turns his attention back to the door of the shed, Eddie’s eyes being closed doesn’t make him feel any better about staring. 

They remain like that for a while, bathed in soft moonlight and silence. It would almost be nice—were they not in an old musty shed tucked away at the edge of a ghost town, hiding out in an actual goddamn apocalypse.

Buck has no idea how much time has passed when Eddie breaks the silence, but he startles slightly when he does, hand instinctively clenching around the axe. 

“Would you—” Eddie hesitates, and Buck resists the urge to look down at him, “would you—I know you said he’s doing as best as any kid could be doing right now, and that he’s remained uninjured—but would you tell me some more about how Chris has been doing? It’s been—it’s been so long and I—”

“You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Eddie,” Buck says softly, “of course, I’ll talk to you about Chris. What do you want me to tell you about?”

“Just—anything really.” 

Buck nods, more to himself than anything. “Okay, hmm, well—a little while back, I found this wal-mart that by some small miracle still had some functioning electricity—most of the useful shit had already been raided, but I managed to find a few hidden gems. That bedroll you’re lying on, for example, and a whole—fully frozen and completely untouched quart tub of ice cream. I was able to keep it cold enough to get it back without it melting, but there was no way we were gonna be able to keep it from melting, and Chris was so excited—”

“Tell me you didn’t let him eat the whole tub of ice cream,” Eddie interrupts, the amusement laced in his voice undermining the tone of his words.

“He insisted on sharing with me and Maddie,” Buck says with a small laugh, his voice sounding so incredibly fond to even his own ears, “so more like half a tub.”

“Pretty dumb move there, Buckley, how was the sugar crash?”

“Not as bad as I thought it would be, honestly, he talked our ears off about dinosaurs and space, Maddie and I took him outside to stargaze when he wound down a little bit and he fell asleep out there. It was honestly—it was one of the best nights Maddie and I have had since before the world went to shit—maybe even since before then. You’ve—you’ve got a real great kid, Diaz.”

“Thank you,” Eddie says, his voice going soft, “not just for—saying that—but, thank you for looking after him, keeping him safe and for—giving him the chance to still be a kid despite—everything.” 

Buck’s heart stutters a little in his chest and he finally gives in to the urge to look at Eddie, it’s hard to be certain in the dim light, but he’s pretty certain Eddie’s looking right back at him. 

“I’m glad it was you,” Eddie continues, “I’m glad you were the one who found him.” 

Buck has to look away again, blinking back the tears suddenly stinging the corners of his eyes, grateful for the bit of privacy provided by the dark. “You—uh, you hardly know me.” 

“You saved my life—two times over basically—since you saved Christopher too, and I’m pretty damn certain—based on that and what I do know about you—getting to know you better will only affirm my feelings.”

“I’m also glad I found him,” the words feel like some kind of confession on Buck’s lips, “and I’m really glad I was able to find you, too.”

Buck swallows back whatever the feelings are building in his throat, “you should—you should really get some sleep, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover tomorrow.”

Eddie makes a quiet noise, something close to a hum, “would—would you keep talking—just until I drift off?”

Buck thinks—a little ridiculously—that he would do just about anything Eddie asks him. 

It’s easy, lapsing into stories about Christopher and random facts he’s learned over the years and it doesn’t feel like long before Eddie’s breathing begins to even out.

He keeps talking even once Eddie’s fallen asleep—quieter murmurings of useless knowledge, more to keep himself from drifting off.

There’s a chill in the air, and Buck removes his jacket—grateful to be wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath—carefully draping it over Eddie before settling himself in for the remainder of the night. 

x

[eclipsewxtch]

okay so i have so much stuff planned for blue moon so MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS FOR ANY FUTURE CHAPTERS LOOK AWAY AVERT UR EYES:

ik i said this before but all relationships r implied n i don’t make anything canon. that being said, i make sure all ships (even the most obscure n rare ones) get their flowers!! whether that’s from POV’s in the chapter, dialogue, or just little moments/details. that being said, here’s what i intended:

• ethan & jesse have the relationship dynamic of two toxic divorced men who have shared custody of their daughter (jane)

• jane is jesse’s kid idc idc idc im making it happen its gonna give reluctant dad/mentor who’s lowkey the Worst Person Ever & daughter/mentee he didn’t want but NEEDED!!! they’re gonna be so good. im gonna eat it up.

• jane is ethan’s kid too ig but it’s not the same. like that’s her protector n her brother sure but JESSE?? he commits war crimes for that little girl she’s his baby

• audrey & ethan have the relationship dynamic of something soft and sweet. like she makes him feel grounded, but not exactly human. safe. i adore them. i rlly wanted it to give monster bf x human gf so i hope it has those vibes(?)

• rory & ethan (im so so biased i love them so much) they have the dynamic of puppy love. they’re just the sweetest n kindest n they make my heart hurt so much. literally aches.

• benny & ethan r very much old married couple. (they’re gonna hurt yall so bad in the last chapter for s1 like yall r gonna hate me!) they fight n bicker, but it’s like a domestic kind (until it’s not) n crazily enough i actually don’t ship them (don’t crucify me yall) but i want to feed the bethan shippers.

• sarah & ethan give nerd x cool girl he’d do anything for. like he is the loser bf to her cool popular gf!! i actually rlly love this ship n its kinda sickening, but i think ethan heals sarah from her past hurts (jesse u asshole) n sarah makes ethan feel seen n less of a dork.

• erica & ethan r just cuties!! friends forever!! like it’s black cat x golden retriever with them. while i don’t ship, i understand it’s a REALLY rare pair, so they have cute moments where they have fun together. its more platonic, i’ll admit, but if u wanna read into it u can.

• benny & erica r unrequited crushes. like i fear they had a crush on each other b4 she became a vampire, n after the bite it just could never go anywhere. she became too different, n he stayed the same. he’s bitter abt the missed chance; n she can’t imagine him ever liking her before she was a vampire.

• erica & rory have the same dynamic in the show but she’s just nicer to him about it. that’s her puppy, n she treats him as such but she’ll be DAMNED if YOU treat him like a dog. who do u think u r???

• erica & sarah are sapphic vampire gfs. soulmates, ur honor. it’s bad. real bad. i fear they are each other’s homes.

• jesse & rory give evil villain n his loyal henchman. it’s cute in a “oh he listens n respects ur opinions” kind of way, but he takes those opinions to further his selfish agenda.

•NO RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN JESSE/SARAH OR JESSE/ERICA, THAT SHIT IS PAST TENSE AND FINISHED!! REFUSE TO HAVE A MAN COME BETWEEN WOMEN!

•audrey & sarah r gonna be best friends. they don’t argue over a man; they’re better than that. unfortunately audrey is straight n this won’t be romantic😓

• s2 is gonna be longer than s1–so like twenty chapters probably(?) #longfic #somuchthoughtputinthis and i am probably gonna go back n edit s1 chapters in between updates for s2 but i rlly rlly wanna dive deep in each character. ESPECIALLY JESSE. this redemption arc is gonna go crazy. he’s a horrible, terrible, very bad man and yet!!

• i love audrey n im forcing everyone to love her as well. i normally hate OC’s in fics bc it’s like damn why is this person taking over the narrative(?) n more often than not it feels like an extension of the author’s personality. unfortunately if i was gonna make audrey an extension of me and a self-insert for me i would have her flirt HEAVY w erica. love erica bad😝 if anything audrey is just for fun. i was like hm? what if we gave ethan a little red riding hood?? wouldn’t that be sooo funny? n it is.

• i’m sorry for bringing this up again but the ethan & jane & jesse dynamic goes sooo crazy. so crazy. be thankful im not turning it into a louis & claudia & lestat situation bc i contemplated more than once having jane almost die n ethan beg jesse to turn her. i decided against it but the urge was there.