#eldest son

[staltheoneandonly]

i feel like there's a point being the oldest sibling where you stop being your parents' child and start being just some person who happens to live in the house

[the-leech-lord]

Shout out to the oldest sons with oldest daughter trauma

[frecklenog]

transmasc culture is having eldest daughter syndrome despite not actually being an eldest daughter

[life-set-to-random]

[queen-of-wisdom]

Being the eldest son and being the eldest daughter has many similarities but the bigest difference is when someone tells us to 'fulfill your duty'

When they tell that my brother, they mean that he shall bring glory, honor and money to my father's house, he should make him proud, he stould strive to be the best

When they tell me that, they mean I should be a mother. I should clean after my brothers, find a good man, marry him and bear him healthy children.

I can be pretty, I can be smart, I can strong, I can be all of these things, but at the end of the day it won't matter.

Because he is expected to be exceptional

And I to take care of the house

[vibeless15]

Eldest Son of Pain

First design idea

[that-gothic-glitterball]

Shout out to when I was nine and my mum had a go at me for watching funny cat videos on YouTube without her permission, but my six year old brother could go on YouTube whenever he wanted 🤪

[splintersfeelings]

intergenerational trauma

My dad grew up as the eldest son in a family of 3 boys. My dad’s dad died when he was still a teenager, and my dad’s mom was abusive (physically, emotionally, and later financially). My dad struggled a lot in his life, and then was also expected to put his whole life on hold to put his brothers through college. His mom would physically beat him, and later even after he was an adult and living in a different country, he would constantly be guilt tripped into sending money back. If he didn’t send “enough” (and no amount was ever enough), his mom would mail him letters or call him at his work number, telling him he was a terrible son and that all the money he made should belong to her because she raised him. After enduring this for a long time, my dad decided to go no-contact with her shortly after my sibling and I were born. My dad doesn’t really talk about his family. It is painful for him and I think he has also repressed a lot of the memories associated with it. When I was growing up, it was hard for me to understand why he decided he needed to do that. Years later as an adult, and having had friends in similar situations, I have a deeper understanding of what could push someone to the point where they had no choice but to separate themselves completely from their family, especially when it is far too late for the original abuse to be repaired. It’s one thing to apologize, but an apology with no real possibility of addressing the harm that was caused is meaningless. My dad did not speak with anyone in his family for 2 decades after until his mom (my grandma) died last year. My uncle contacted me instead of my dad to share the news, and I relayed it to him. Thinking back to what I observed as a kid, I think my dad did what he needed to survive. Not only was the original abuse never addressed, there was still ongoing harm that was constantly hurting him. He also didn’t want that relationship to harm the rest of his family, and that’s a big part of why he made that decision that he did not want her in the lives of his children either. From my own selfish perspective, the hardest part for me is that I don’t have a connection with my uncles and cousins on my dad’s side of the family, because my dad felt that he had to cut himself off from everyone, including his younger brothers. Because his younger brothers had a different experience growing up, I don’t think they were ever able you see it from my dad’s perspective and understand his decision. That saddens me, but I don’t blame my dad for it. Ending a relationship with a family member is difficult, and even though no one should feel like they ever have to do that, sometimes that is what it takes to move on and survive. And I don’t think anyone should ever feel bad about choosing to end a relationship with someone who abused them and never made an effort to repair that harm other than a too-little-too-late apology, no matter how sincere. I think any amount of reduced contact, either partially or entirely, is completely valid. I hope you’re able to move on and find your own joy and happiness in life, even if that life doesn’t include the family member you mention. I’m also glad that it sounds like you’re able to maintain a relationship with your sibling, and that if that is a positive relationship for you, I hope that you’re able to maintain it. Take care. There’s still a lot of love left out there in the world for you, and it can come from many other places than a family that is an accident of birth.

[i-has-tortillas]

Shout out to all the eldest siblings who had to raise your siblings.

I know it was hard. I know you had to give up peices of yourself for them. I know you will probably never get the recognition for what you did. But be proud of the kids you raised. They would be so much worse off without you.

Know that your sacrifice was not in vain.

[coolgalaxygarden]

Oceanic dream

[ejaydoeshisbest]

Shame (Part 1)

My mother and I had a heart-to-heart.

I apologized to her profusely for being a bad son. I was bawling yet again, saying that I was sorry that I had been a constant stressor for so many years.

I knew better. I was just being selfish. I was being a freeloader. In Tagalog, we call those people "palamunin", a harsh word to describe someone who is able-bodied but lazy, consciously leeching off the generosity of their benefactors.

Now that I WANT to change and take control of my life, to finally contribute positively to this household, I am struggling to breathe and fearing almost everything. I feel so ashamed because I have now realized how old they are. And I am so ashamed for wasting my youth.

Yes, people will say that youth is to be enjoyed. Still! I could have done the mature, practical thing and worked while having fun, and not be a hedonist. I could have found balance. If I could throttle my self-centered self back then and make him realize the bleak future. Nothing is guaranteed, folks. I lost my insightful ability and just followed my desires. I didn't listen to my better judgments. I did not foresee having health issues at this point in my life. Now, I pray to have strength every day to make it up to the people still supporting me.

Especially to my parents, who are in their 50s, and are still working to give a stable future for the rest of their kids. I feel so freaking useless.

IT IS NOT FAIR TO THEM.

As a grown-ass eldest child, I should be the first one they rely on. I should be the one who is the most dependable. I should be the one that helps lift this family. I should be the one strong enough to carry on and help fix our problems. Instead, I am the one causing them. I am the one draining their resources for food and medicine. I. AM. SO. ASHAMED.

My parents told me to rest and gain strength, but my mind and conscience would not have any of it! I'm done resting. I'm done taking it easy. Each time I spend here resting, (note that rest does not cure my breathing, nor my mental struggles), my mind anxiously berates me for being a low-life waste: that every hour I lay in bed or stay in the house hoping I recuperate, my father and mother with gray hairs are out there facing stress. Doing simple house errands isn't enough. It is time-consuming and takes most of my energy, but it does not help them substantially.

WHAT KIND OF A SON AM I?

Words: Ejay Diwas Art: Leonardo Santamaria

[staltheoneandonly]

the eldest daughter son urge to scream and cry and yell at your parents and hurl everything at the wall and shatter all the glass in the house and do something so overdramatic and self-injuring that they're forced to listen to you for once in your fucking life

[tenth-sentence]

Mr Davies' eldest son, who manages a farm of his own, is the man of business in the market.

"Journal of Researches into the Natural History and Geology of the Countries Visited During the Voyage of H.M.S. Beagle Round the World, 1832-36" - Charles Darwin

[vhagar-balerion-meraxes]

[telpea-kalka]

Maedhros, in Valanor: Alright kids, our parent’s are already ahead of us and we’ve got five minutes before we have to go! Little ones in the front please, everyone find your buddy! Fingon can you make sure we’re all accounted for? Everyone take a lunch before you go! Yup, Nolo- and Arafinweans too! Artanis, did you get one? Okay good, here, why don’t you hold my hand?

Galadriel: Hmm

Elrond, in Rivendell: Alright everyone, we’ve got five minutes before we leave for Mirkwood! Can we have the young people in the front? And everyone has someone to ride with? Glorfindel, can you make sure we aren’t missing anyone? Does everyone have their lembas for the road? Estel, you have yours? Here, why don’t you hold my hand?

Galadriel: Huh.

[muadweeb]

he must be taken into consideration. he's the eldest son!!!