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really-fanny-longbottom · 3 months

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Only In My Dreams [Part Two]

Pairings: Azriel x Reader

Summary: You turned off your emotions so you could protect your heart but at what price?

Warnings: Angst, mentions of unrequited love/curse words/blood and death.

Words: 8.5k

Morning was here.

You left Emerie's house when the first rays of sunlight passed through the half-open bedroom window.

Your friends were still sound asleep when you pushed away their arms that tried to offer you some comfort during the night and got out of bed.

You had no intention in waiting for them to wake up and having to talk about what had happened just a few hours ago.

So you quickly changed your clothes and placed the backpack you had brought with you over your left shoulder.

You didn't bother looking back when you left the room.

The front door closed behind you, and you found yourself facing the sun that was almost reaching its usual place in the blue sky.

Sunrise has always been your favorite part of the day.

Not only for the view, but also for its meaning - every time the sun rises, a new day comes with it, a new day that seems like a new blank page giving you a new opportunity to do your best and let go of the past on the day that was left behind.

Besides, being a healer meant that your day always started early, so why not start it with the best view ever?

When you lived with your aunt Madja, you would go to the bridge over the Sidra and sit on the wall and when you moved to the House of the Wind you would go to your balcony and do the same.

You would close your eyes and tilt your head slightly upwards and immediately relax with the sunlight passing through your body and warming not only your skin but also your soul.

You don't know if it was because you're an empath but you've always felt a connection with the sun, as if you could feel its energy, it was as if the sun itself had emotions and was trying to communicate with you.

You loved how it made you feel.

But that was before.

Now, standing in the doorway of Emerie's house, as you looked at it, you didn't know what to do.

You stayed there for a few moments waiting for something to happen - for you to feel something.

But nothing came.

With a shrug of your shoulders, you turned your back on what used to be your greatest comfort and step by step you began to move away from it and the house.

As you walked, you didn't notice that the camp was starting to wake up, just as you didn't notice the sunlight fading away.

You winnowed as soon as you reached the edge of the camp.

Twenty minutes later, you were in Velaris about to arrive at your aunt's house to take a much-needed shower.

As you walked up the street, you didn't pay attention to any of the citizens who were opening their establishments and getting ready for a new day of work.

Some of them tried to get your attention to greet you just like they always did. You would look at them with your eyes full of color and wave greetings with a warm smile, sometimes you would even stop and talk to some of them.

But not anymore.

Now, you simply walked with an expression of indifference without removing your empty eyes from the path ahead.

You only stopped when an all too familiar voice filled the air around you - the voice of the last person you wanted to see right now. "Y/N."

You could already see your aunt's house from here, and you were so close to getting there.

Slowly, you turned around and faced the person who had stopped you from reaching your destination.

It was the wife of the patient you lost yesterday with one of their sons by her side, both wearing mourning clothes.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I saw you passing by, and I just wanted to thank you again for what you did for my husband yesterday." She told you with a weak voice, her eyes still red.

With a fake smile on your features, you ran a hand through your hair before telling her, "I was just doing my job. After all, that's what I'm paid for."

Surprised by your reaction, the female lost her words and after a few seconds to compose herself, she cleared her throat and said "Well, the funeral is this afternoon at three o'clock if you want to join us."

You laughed, and without a care in the world, you responded, "No, thank you. I have better things to do but have fun."

And with that, you turned your back on them and walked up the rest of the street before removing the small key from your backpack and entering your aunt's house.

The wife and son remained in their places, trying to understand what had just happened.

After placing your backpack on the sofa, you started heading to the stairs towards the bathroom, but before you could, an irritated voice stopped you in your tracks. "Where have you been?"

"Oh, for Cauldron's sake," you muttered and turned to find Madja with her arms crossed and an angry face.

"I was with the Valkyries. I spent the night at Emerie's." You told her with a tone of annoyance.

"I'm aware of that. The High Lord had the decency to send me a letter unlike you," Madja scolded before continuing, her voice turning softer. "He also told me what happened about Azriel."

When she opened her mouth to speak again, you raised a hand and stopped her from it, "Okay, auntie, it's too early for this. I'm going to take a shower and I'll see you at the clinic. Okay. Cool."

You used both hands to give the cool sign, but before you could step on the stairs, Madja called you again. "Wait."

"Ugh, you gotta be kidding me," you whispered low enough for her not to hear.

You saw your aunt grab a piece of parchment and hand it to you. "This arrived for you a few minutes ago."

When you unrolled it, you recognized Nesta's handwriting.

She was asking where you were.

Without hesitation, you crumpled the paper and threw it into the middle of the fireplace where it instantly began to burn.

"Anything else?"

When your aunt didn't speak, you accepted her silence as an answer and started climbing the stairs by jumping two steps at a time.

The bathroom door closed seconds later, and Madja, who didn't know what animal had bitten you to react like that, put a hand to her forehead before muttering to herself, "What was that?"

The clinic was very busy like almost every day but you never complained.

Unlike other people, you could happily say that you liked your work. Being a healer has always been a rewarding job.

There was nothing else you enjoyed as much as helping your patients. Heal them, make them feel safe, and heard. Make them feel important.

Your favorite days were the days you helped a new life enter this world. Seeing those beings so small and innocent was the best miracle of life.

But of course, like all jobs, yours also had a bad side.

Seeing your patients sick and knowing that in some cases there is nothing you can do to help, seeing them leave this life and the family they leave behind.

There were patients who had left such an impact on you that from time to time, they appeared in your dreams.

Sometimes, you felt guilty at their memory because you felt like you could have done more, but most of the time, their memories reminded you to do better for others.

But none of that mattered to you anymore. Now you simply limited yourself to doing your job so you could get paid.

You were finishing bandaging the knee of a boy who had tripped while running.

The boy had become a regular patient of yours, always finding a way to hurt himself, whether it is running or reading a book.

It was a simple wound that didn't require the use of your powers, so you cleaned, disinfected, and put a bandage on it.

Your right hand held his injured leg while the other tried to wrap the bandage, when you finished and lowered his leg, you noticed that he had a bruise in the exact place where your hand had been just seconds before.

With your focus on the wound, you hadn't even noticed the bruise. You went behind the counter and grabbed a bottle of ointment that you had made last weekend and handed it to the boy.

"Take this," you pointed to the bruise that had several shades of purple on his leg, "twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. If it starts to hurt, put some ice on it."

Following the movement of your hand, the boy saw the bruise for the first time with a confused face "Oh, I didn't even know I had that," he grabbed the bottle and with a toothless smile, he started heading towards the door but not without shouting first "Thank you Y/N! I'll see you next week."

"Whatever" you let out a sigh and walked towards your chair to take a break but before you could your aunt directed you to the next patient.

It was an old male who mixed up the plants in his garden and ended up using the wrong plant as a seasoning for his food.

He was slightly pale, nauseous, and had stomach pain.

"You mistake a poisonous plant for a seasoning plant?" You asked as you examined him, judgment written all over your face and voice.

"Yes, I know what it looks like," he explained between short breaths, "but it was an honest mistake."

"It was a stupid mistake." You answered him without hesitation.

You were too busy finishing your exam to notice Madja's shocked expression, who had stopped what she was doing at the sound of your words.

"Y/N!" She approached and scolded you. "You can't talk to patients like that."

"Why? It's true. It's not my fault he's an idiot." You told her with frightening indifference.

At your response, your aunt put her hands to her head with a whisper of "By the Mother," escaping between her lips.

She got closer to the patient and placed one hand on his arm before bringing the other to her chest and apologizing to him for your behavior.

The male, on the other hand, said, "It's okay, she happens to be right."

You scoffed "Of course I am," you turned to your aunt and with an air of irritation you asked her "Now, are you going to let me work or haven't you finished disturbing me yet?"

Shocked by your words, Madja didn't know how to react or what to say, so she limited herself to taking two steps back, giving you space to continue working.

She looked at you, trying to understand what was happening to you, because this type of behavior was not normal.

You had never spoken to her like that - you had never spoken to anyone like that.

You were sweet, attentive, and very polite. This was not the niece she knew.

She couldn't help but think that maybe this situation with Azriel and Elain was affecting more than you had let on.

Plus, she was well acquainted with how much your emotions could overwhelm you.

Choking sounds broke the trance she was in, and her mind refocused on what was in front of her.

You had started the healing process in the patient, and your hand hovered over his belly in order to try to eliminate the poison, but something was wrong.

Because the patient was now paler and bleeding from his mouth.

Madja saw you stop and look at her. "I think the poison is stronger than I thought." You kept looking at her, no doubt waiting for her to react, but when she didn't, you couldn't help the sarcastic comment that escaped you. "Are you waiting for him to die? Because my arms are starting to get numb."

That was enough to make her move and begin her own examination of the patient.

She frowned. Did you really just say that?

"Are you sure you gave me the correct name of the plant you used in your food?" You asked the patient while using a cloth to clean the blood, irritation in your voice.

He simply shook his head in confirmation.

"Maybe the plant you used was in contact with another. Are there any other poisonous plants in your garden?"

The male shook his head again, but this time in denial.

Your brain started working quickly trying to see all the possibilities and it was then that you turned to your aunt and found yourself saying "Maybe it's because he ate a long time ago and that allowed the poison to spread. I mean, who knows how long this idiot ingested a poisonous plant."

Madja didn't answer you and due to her silence, you removed your hands from the patient and met her gaze with your empty eyes and a bored expression in your features "Okay, so you got this right? I'm hungry, so I'm going to take a break." And with a look of disgust, you walked away.

The old female's heart was beating very fast. She couldn't believe what she had just witnessed.

Not just your words but also your actions.

Maybe she had seen wrong.

Maybe what she saw and made her freeze before you caught her attention hadn't happened.

Maybe she just imagined it.

Because it couldn't be.

Could it?

Several days passed, and you continued to act strangely since the day you returned from Illyria.

Madja was observing you now more than ever, and little by little, she began to assimilate all the differences that you now demonstrated, but the one that worried her the most until now?

The reason she made you work behind the counter taking care of patient charts so you wouldn't have to interact with them medically.

You weren't the niece she knew and loved so much, and she began to think that something else must have happened - something you weren't sharing with her.

And if Madja was honest with herself, you were starting to scare her.

Your behavior continued to become increasingly strange - how you interacted with patients, the way you spoke to her, your 'new clothes', and your nights out.

Not to mention what you had said to the family of the patient you lost a week ago.

Madja met them in the market when she went shopping for groceries, and when the widow told her what you had said them, she didn't want to believe that such insensitivity had come from you.

She thought about asking the Inner Circle if they knew anything but after meeting the High Lady on the street as she left her studio the other day, she informed Madja that it had been almost a week and a half since any of them had seen or spoken to you.

Feyre also explained that both she and the others sent several letters to you, and none returned with a response.

Not even Nesta knew where you were these days.

It was with this new information that Madja's heart began to tighten more and more with worry. Her sleep no longer came as it used to, and the feeling of calm that used to hover over her was gone.

Madja was well aware of your relationship with the older Archeron sister, that she was not just a best friend but a sister.

So why wouldn't you be talking to her? With none of them?

Rita's was full as always - full of life, light, and music.

People danced while others drank and gamble. Laughter, singing, and shouts of euphoria filled the air of the familiar bar.

This has always been one of your favorite places to spend time with your family, not to mention that Rita herself was a long-time friend.

Good memories were formed on the dance floor with Feyre and Nesta, on the karaoke stage with Mor, several shot battles with Cassian that often ended with the two of you on the floor and too many card games with Rhys and Azriel where you took all their money.

Whenever these memories surfaced, they warmed your heart and made you feel lucky to have these people by your side.

Now, you felt nothing besides an emptiness in your heart, but at least your heart was whole again, and that's what mattered.

You ordered your third drink of the night, and the moment you took the first sip, a deep voice was heard from behind you.

"Can I join you, my Lady?"

When you turned to find the owner of the mysterious voice, you couldn't hide the surprise on your face which you quickly replaced with a mischievous smile "Well, well, well, look what the wind brought."

Your colorless eyes meet golden ones that belong to a male with fiery hair and a smile that matches yours displayed on his lips.

You let your eyes roam the male in front of you as you analyzed him. He wore a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open, brown pants where his muscles were visible and black boots.

"Eris Vanserra," you held out your hand for him to shake. Instead, he grabbed it and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

"Lady Y/N," he greeted, his eyes always fixed on yours.

You let out a light chuckle as you ran your eyes over the male again as he took the seat next to you. "Well, you look delicious."

"I could say the same about you," he replied with a chuckle, and now it was his turn to look at your form.

You wore a simple black strapless dress that fit your curves perfectly with a slit in the skirt on your left thigh and a pair of silver high heels that matched your jewelry.

Eris ordered his drink, and after you hit each other's glasses with a small 'cheers', you asked him the question you wanted since your eyes had landed on him.

"You are far from home. Tell me, what brings you to Velaris?" You took a sip of your drink before continuing. "Does Rhysand even know you're here?"

Following your movements, Eris took a sip from his glass before putting it down and answering, "I'm here because of him, actually. I had a meeting with him and his Inner Circle a few hours ago."

"Oh, and I thought you had come here just to see me," you said as you signaled the bartender to refill your glass.

"That can be arranged," the Heir replied as he took another sip without ever taking his eyes off yours.

You cleared your throat after an unexpected heat warmed your cheeks. "I'm surprised he let you come here."

Eris chucked and turned around in his chair and faced you before resting one of his arms on the back of your chair. "I'm surprised I didn't see you at the meeting with the others. Did you lose the invitation?"

You let out a laugh as you tilted your head back slightly before meeting those golden eyes again. "Nope, I just didn't want to go. Those meetings bore me to death."

Eris's laughter rivaled yours and after losing yourself to the sound for a few seconds, you regained composure and found yourself saying to him "So if the meeting ended a few hours ago, what are you still doing here?"

The male stared at you for a few seconds and you noticed his smile weakened a little at your question but he was quick to hide it before answering you "Maybe I wanted to see you before I left."

"You mean you want to avoid Beron."

Shock crossed the male's features, and when he opened his mouth to respond, you were quick to raise a hand towards him and stop him. "I'm an empath. Reading people is kinda my thing, remember?"

"Right, sometimes I forget that," he picked up his glass again and turned it around a few times in his hand and this time he kept his eyes on the drink as he asked, "so, does that mean you've read me before?" "

"Yes."

"And what did you read?"

"That this whole act of you being a bad, terrible and heartless male is just that. An act."

His eyes finally meet yours, and you proceed. "That you care. That you love your mother and Lucien more than you let on. And that you love your court and can't wait to get it out of Beron's claws."

"Hm," Eris leaned against the counter, and with a look of indifference on his face, he told you, "That's...accurate."

A smile returned to your lips. Your skills never failed you, at least not when it came to reading people.

"Do you want to know what else I read?"

Eris gestured with his hand for you to continue, coming closer to the edge of your chair, you leaned slightly towards him before telling him "That you, Eris Vanserra," you placed a finger on his chest "you will be a better High Lord than that terrible male ever was."

Eris swallowed the lump in his throat as you picked up your glass again and raised it towards him, making the Heir follow your movement.

With a clink of glasses, you both drained your drinks, and a mischievous smile returned to your lips. "So, are you spending your night here?"

Eris laughed, and as he placed some money on the counter for the night's drinks, he matched your smile, and with amusement in his voice, he asked you, "Why? Is that an invitation?"

You added the same tone of amusement to your voice when you answered, "Maybe."

You thanked the Mother that your aunt was working the night shift at the clinic and would only return in the morning. Otherwise, this would be embarrassing - for her, at least.

You walked up the stairs towards your bedroom with the male behind you.

Upon entering your bedroom, Eris looked around, noticing that it was small but cozy.

A bed was placed in the corner with a wide window behind it, a bookshelf full of books on healing and romance novels was at the foot of the bed with an puff in front of it against the wall.

Some paintings decorated the walls, several faelights lit up the small bedroom, and a desk was on the wall opposite the bed with a mirror on its side.

What also didn't go unnoticed by Eris was the pile of parchments you had on your desk.

"What's all this?" He asked as he pointed to it.

Your eyes followed his finger, and you noticed that the pile was now higher than yesterday - 'Madja must have added the ones that arrived this morning', you thought.

They were letters from your friends. The ones they've been sending since you left Illyria and have been avoiding them.

Every day, new letters arrive. Letters that you didn't even bother opening, let alone reading, so you collected them on top of your desk. Why? You still didn't know.

There was a morning when a letter signed by Azriel was on the carpet at the entrance of your house - that one went right to the fireplace.

With a shrug, you simply said "Trash" and picked them all up and placed them in the trash can before leaning against your desk while Eris sat on your bed.

"You look different." The male's voice filled the bedroom.

"What do you mean?"

It was Eris's turn to shrug before continuing, "You seem more...free."

You chuckled, and as you ran a hand down your dress, you said, "I feel like that."

There was a moment of silence, and you watched the Heir as he looked at one of the paintings next to your bed.

Your eyes fell on his body again, and with a thought coming to your mind, a feline look and smile took over your face.

Noticing the way you were looking at him, Eris leaned on his forearms and shot you a bold smile. "What is that little head of yours thinking about?"

You laughed at his words, and as you approached him, you rested your hands on his thighs. "I have a question."

His smile grew even wider, and one of his eyebrows rose, and you took that gesture as your cue to continue.

Your hands moved to his chest as you straddled his hips, "I want to know if what everyone says is true."

He placed his hands on your thighs and, in a whisper, asked, "What is true?"

You leaned into his chest and as you brushed aside his hair with your hand, your lips hovered over his ear "That the Autumn males have fire in their veins and they also fuck like it."

Eris's body tensed beneath yours at your words, turning his smile into mischief, and the smell of arousal began to fill the small bedroom.

"It's true." Eris straightened up, taking you with him and pushed your hair behind your shoulders.

You intertwined your fingers in his fiery hair, and still in a low voice, you said, "I'm afraid I'm going to need proof," earning a few chuckles from him.

With a kiss on his neck and then another on his shoulder, you whispered, "Why don't you show me?"

Eris giggled, and with his hands now on your waist, he murmured, "As you wish, my Lady." Before connecting his lips with yours.

And so he did.

Several knocks on the front door woke you up the next morning.

You let out several curse words as you went down the stairs only in underwear while you tried to button the white shirt that you stole from the male who was still sleeping in your bed.

You only had time to button the last three buttons of the shirt before you reached the door and turned the handle to open it.

"Oh, for God's sake," you ran a hand over your face before crossing your arms and leaning against the door. "What are you doing here?"

The High Lord of the Night Court was at your doorstep dressed in his usual black suit with his hands in his pockets.

"Good morning to you too." Rhys said with a look of indifference at your choice of clothing to open the door.

"What are you doing here?" You asked the question again.

"You missed yesterday's meeting, and as you haven't answered any of our letters, I decided that perhaps it would be better to pay you a personal visit." He finished with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

You ran a hand through your hair again before giving him an irritated look. "And you decided to come..." You stretched back to see the clock on the living room table "at seven in the morning?"

"I went to the clinic, and you weren't there."

"Today is my day off."

He cleared his throat, ignoring the fact that your bra was showing, "Why didn't you go yesterday?"

"I've been busy." It was your only answer.

Rhys was about to speak again when someone's footsteps coming down the stairs reached both your ears.

"Do you have guests?"

"She does. And he's really annoyed that you made her get out of bed at this hour." Eris said as he stood right behind you in just his boxers.

One of his hands went to your shoulder and the other to the door. “Good morning, Rhysand.” He said with a smile.

"Eris." Rhysand replied with an expression of indifference, but you knew that deep down, he was surprised to see him with you.

Silence hung in the air as the two males looked at each other and you looked between them.

The High Lord broke the silence without taking his eyes of the Autumn Heir. "What is he doing here?"

With a shrug and an air of amusement, you replied, "Eris wanted to see Velaris."

A laugh sounded behind you, and you joined him, and when you noticed the frustrated look of the male in front of you, you couldn't help but ask, "You don't like the view?"

"I can't say I do." Rhysand answered with his eyes now meeting yours.

"Well, that's a shame. Maybe next time, think about letting me know you're coming before you show up at my door at seven in the morning." And with a fake smile dancing on your lips, you closed the door in his face.

Madja continued to look at you from moment to moment, trying to understand you as she has been doing in the last few days without success.

You were working at the counter, updating patient charts, and you seemed so normal. It seemed like everything was fine.

But Madja knew it was just an illusion.

The atmosphere between you was now stranger after her shift ended early, and she found you with a male on the living room couch a few days ago. Not just a male but the Heir of Autumn.

You laughed at the situation while she didn't think it was that funny. In fact, she thought it was shocking, considering this had never happened before.

Her worry grew with each passing day.

It was only when a letter from Rhysand arrived at the clinic that morning informing that you were to appear at the Townhouse for a meeting in the afternoon that the old female's heart relaxed for a moment.

The High Lord also took the time to explain in the letter that if you didn't show up this time, he himself would pick you up and carry you on his shoulder if necessary as this meeting was not optional.

When you finished reading, you huffed and muttered a small "I'd like to see you try" before crumpling up the piece of parchment and throwing it in the trash can.

You kept yourself busy at the clinic, and when the time for the meeting approached, you didn't bother finishing your work and going.

You simply continued doing your job and about twenty minutes later, when you returned to the counter, your eyes met violet ones.

The High Lord was now in front of you and with your biggest smile of innocence, you asked him "Are you here for an appointment? Or maybe you came to pick up some medicine?"

Rhysand faked a smile at your sarcastic comment - apparently you made a lot of those now.

"Where is your red-haired lover?"

You looked down, and started looking in your pants pockets and when you finished, you met his violet eyes again before saying "Not in here."

The male sighed loudly and in a deep but calm voice said to you "The meeting started twenty minutes ago."

"I know," you said without ever breaking eye contact.

"And can you explain to me why I had to come here?"

With a hand gesturing around the waiting room where multiple patients were, you replied "As you can see I've been very busy. A lot of people don't have the choice to spend the day sitting around doing nothing." You finished by resting your head on your hands, which were on top of the counter.

Rhys furrowed his eyebrows. Since when did you talk to someone like that?

At his confused look, you let out a dry laugh and, continued "I have no interest in going to the meeting, so I'm sorry you wasted your time in coming here, Rhysand."

"Rhysand?" He asked dumbfounded as he saw you walk away from the counter and grab the next patient's chart before making your way to where a old female was seated.

He wasted no time in following you "Since when do you call me by my full name?"

You were quick to mutter "Since you came here to be a pain in my ass" in response.

And this was enough of a reality check to make the male stop in his tracks. Rhys had received a letter from your aunt a few days ago informing him that you were different but he discard it since the events of that night were still recent.

But now that he allowed himself to really look at you - he saw all the signs. Not only in the way you were acting but also in your clothes.

You were always a warm and happy person and you reflected that in the clothes you wore with light and vivid colors.

Normally you always wore dresses or a skirt with a top as the days at the clinic required you to walk from one side to the other and that way you were more comfortable as you had explained once when Cassian commented that you always looked like a princess.

But now? Now it seemed like the princess had been replaced by an evil queen.

Leather pants covered your legs while a black strappy top was on your torso tucked into your pants and held up by a belt with silver details around your waist.

Black high heels, eyeliner on your eyes and red lipstick on your lips completed the outfit.

You looked like a completely different person.

'What the hell happened?' The question echoed through his mind before Rhys gently grabbed your arm and turned you around.

He decided at that moment that this could (and would) be talked about later, the important thing now was getting you to the meeting.

"Y/N, we have a meeting to attend. Let's go."

"I already told you that-"

Before you could finish, Rhys took the patient chart from your hands and handed it to a dark-haired healer that was passing by before crouching down and lifting you onto his shoulder with one hand still gripping your arm while the other reached around your legs to hold you.

"Rhysand! Are you kidding me?" You said and started swearing as you hit his back with your free hand.

On your way out, both of you passed by Madja and Rhys assured her that he would bring you back home in a few hours.

The old healer felt more at ease knowing that you would be safe with your friends and despite the worry that filled her heart, she couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the sight of you on the High Lord's shoulder.

Maybe this was exactly what you needed - a night out with your friends.

Hope replaced some of the worry that she had been carrying these last few days, that after tonight, you would come back happier.

You would come back as the Y/N she knew.

"Seriously, Rhysand? Are you going to carry me like this the whole way?" You asked with annoyance in your voice.

"Yes." A hint of embarrassment crossed the male's face at the use of his full name.

Several curses were muttered in a low voice as the eyes of the citizens of Velaris focused on you and the male who carried you, one of your arms still trapped in his hand.

Some citizens looked curious while others laughed, but they all whispered about the reason for such a view.

"Rhysand, people are looking." You mumble with a pat on his back.

"I know," were his words as he sent smiles and slight waves in the direction of his citizens, as if this were some kind of show - one he was enjoying too much for your taste.

Using his daemati powers, Rhysand sent a message to his family - a message warning them to prepare themselves.

"Well, this is a new view." You heard Cassian's voice when you and Rhys finally entered the Townhouse's living room.

Rhys stopped in front of the couches where his family sat, some of them with drinks in their hands, "Sorry it took so long. I had to walk."

A tap on Rhys' back sounded through the room followed by a small murmur of "Prick" coming from you.

"Hey" Rhys tried to scold you at the same time you said "Does my ass look good from back there?"

Rhys sighed loudly, earning a few chuckles from the people in front of him.

They had been talking about Rhys's warning before you arrived but they couldn't deny that your actions were funny despite the situation.

"Was this really necessary, Rhys?" Feyre asked with a small smile gracing her lips.

"Believe me, it was." Rhys began to gently place you on the ground before rising to his full height again and placing his hands in his pockets.

You turned to face the rest of your friends and managed to catch the surprise that crossed their eyes when they saw you in your new outfit.

"Hello." You greeted them with a slight nod.

"You're late, girl. Did you lose track of time?" Amren asked you while drinking from her glass of wine.

"No, I just didn't want to come." Was your response before grabbing the glass of whiskey that Cassian was passing to Rhys and sitting on the couch between Nesta and Elain.

Nesta turned towards you and said softly, "I've been trying to talk to you these last few days."

"I've been busy." You said without looking her in the eye.

Nesta furrowed her eyebrows at your behavior.

She had received Rhys's warning just like the others but she really thought things would be different with her.

That even though you were different with the others, you wouldn't be with her and that she would be the person to go through you, just like you did for her a year ago.

When you saw Nesta opening her mouth with the intention of speaking again, you were quick to cut her off "So are we going to start this meeting or not? Since I was dragged here like a sack of potatoes." You mumbled the last part.

The High Lord cleared his throat before beginning "I had a meeting with Eris the other day. Apparently Beron allied himself with the human queen Briallyn who in turn allied herself with Koschei."

"We need to know Beron's plans are with this new alliance and that's exactly what Eris is doing. I'm going to meet with him again in two days and that's where you come in, Y/N."

At the mention of your name, you looked at the male who was already looking at you. With a raise of your eyebrows, he continued "I need you to come with me to the meeting and read Eris. I need to know if he is being honest or not."

You chuckled "Why would he lie?"

"He has lied before." Azriel spoke for the first time since your arrival.

You looked at him with a cold look, and everyone else could have sworn that the temperature in the room dropped when your colorless eyes met his.

"So have you." You didn't hesitate to respond. You saw him flinch and stared at each other for a few more seconds before he looked away and you continued "So has everyone else in this room. Except Elain of course. Perfect, sweet and innocent Elain would never do that."

You looked at the female with a fake smile and it was at that moment that you realized what was in front of you.

Azriel and Elain sitting on different sofas far from each other without any kind of physical or visual contact.

As you exchanged glances between the two, a smile began to form on your lips at the realization.

Lifting a finger you gestured between the two of them before trying to express your curiosity "What's wrong with the love birds?"

When no one responded, it didn't take long for you to speak again. "Trouble in paradise? Oh, wait. I know. You finally remembered Lucien." You finished with a laugh.

You saw Azriel's jaw throbbing in frustration and as you were really enjoying this new view, you decided to continue.

You moved closer to Elain and placed your arm around her shoulders before telling her loud enough for everyone to hear, "In my opinion, you should choose Lucien. You know that rumor that Autumn males have fire in their veins and also fuck like it?"

You heard Rhysand swear in the background, giving you a new smile and encouraging you to continue. "Well, it's true. Eris proved that to me the other night." You finished with a wink in her direction.

"Y/N." Rhysand called you out with his High Lord voice.

"What? It's the truth," you laughed and started to get up to leave.

Upon seeing you get up, Feyre was quick to gently grab your wrist and turn you towards her, she held your hand with both of her hands and said calmly "Did you receive our letters?"

You looked at your joined hands before answering her "I did."

With a slight nod, she asked again "Did you read them?"

You looked at her and when you saw your friend's face, you let your guard down for a second and tried to read her emotions instinctively.

But then a movement in the corner of your eye caught your attention.

Azriel was filling his glass and in sight of the male, you remembered why you did what you did to protect yourself.

For that same reason, you moved away from her touch and with a cold voice you gave her the answer she didn't want to hear.

"No. In fact, I throw them away. With the exception of your letter, Azriel," you turned to the male who froze in his place with your voice addressing him, "I burned yours."

And with that you started to make your way to the front door with Rhysand behind you to take you home, just like he had told your aunt, leaving your friends shocked without knowing what to say about this new version of you.

Cassian followed you to the door and stopped you before you could open it. "You never came back to the House of Wind."

Upon meeting the General's eyes, after your interaction with Feyre, you realized for the first time that where affection and love for your friends used to be was now empty.

"I moved out. I'm living with my aunt again." A shrug accompanied your response.

"Why?" He asked you.

The truth is that you felt embarrassed.

Embarrassed about that night.

Embarrassed that you cried in front of your aunt and your friends.

Embarrassed that you fell in love with a male who had no interest in you.

Embarrassed that you let a male make you feel this way, that you gave him so much power over your emotions.

Embarrassed by how weak you felt.

But not anymore.

Now you feel nothing.

And that's exactly how you wanted it.

You didn't bother to answer him before turning your back on him and disappearing into the darkness of the night with Rhys by your side.

The office door opened softly letting the light of the faelights fill the hallway.

Feyre slipped inside before spotting her mate standing in front of the desk with a book that by the looks of it must be very old as he inspected the pages.

"What is that?" Feyre's voice echoed through the silent office, making her mate's violet eyes meet her light blue ones.

"It's a book about rare powers, it has several chapters about empaths. I borrowed it from Helion after Y/N came to the house." He explained with his eyes returning to the yellow pages.

Feyre laughed lightly as she recalled how her friend had arrived at the residence. "You mean when you had to carry her here?"

Rhys tried to laugh but a weak smile was all he could muster. The small gesture did not go unnoticed by the High Lady, nor did the concern on the male's face.

"You're worried about her, aren't you?"

With a long sigh, Rhys stood up to his full height and faced his wife, "Very. Something happened to her and we don't know what," as he crossed his arms over his chest, he leaned against the wall before continuing "She's different. She's insensitive and arrogant. That's not our Y/N."

The last sentence made Feyre's heart tighten a little - she felt it too. They all did and they all missed their friend.

"Did you notice the way she looked at Azriel?" Feyre asked, when she saw how you looked at the male, she thanked to the Mother that she wasn't the one on the receiving end of it "It was like she never felt anything for him, like she hated him. It was scary actually."

Rhys's eyes widened as the realization made its way through his mind. "Like she didn't feel..." he muttered softly and approached the book again.

Confused, the female approached the desk trying to figure out what Rhys had just realized, as he started flipping through the pages faster and faster.

Feyre was surprised the pages didn't tear considering how old they were and how quickly they were being flipped through.

"Rhys?"

The High Lord stopped at a page and after reading it and rereading it several times, Feyre heard his heart starting to race.

Very slowly, Rhys raised his head to meet his mate's eyes and with a low voice he finally revealed the reason for his reaction. "She turned them off."

"What?"

His heart started to beat even faster "Her emotions. She turned them off," Rhys ran a hand through his hair making it even more uneven, "Y/N turned off her emotions."

Shock began to course through the High Lady's body and she didn't hide it when she was invaded by it. "Is that possible?"

At her question, Rhys turned the book towards her and let her read the information he was still trying to process. Everything started to make sense.

"The way she talks, her clothes and the fact that she doesn't care about anything...all of this because-"

"Because she doesn't feel anything." Rhys finished for her.

As he opened his mouth to speak again, several knocks on the wooden office door interrupted him.

Clearing his voice, Rhys gave the order for the person behind the door to enter.

It was quite late, with most of their family having gone to their respective rooms a few hours ago, but the couple couldn't hide their surprise when the person knocking on the door turned out to be Nuala.

"Nuala? Is everything okay?" Feyre asked.

The half-wraith stepped forward and without revealing anything in her features, she replied "I'm not sure, High Lady. I came to inform you that Lady Madja is in the living room and has asked to speak to the Inner Circle immediately."

Even more confused than before, they both questioned why would Madja be here in the middle of the night.

Nuala continued "Lady Madja said it was urgent. It's about Y/N."

At the mention of your name, two sets of chills went down the couple's spines and Rhys was quick to give Nuala a new order "Wake everyone up."

The Inner Circle met in the living room with Madja among them.

Rhys proceeded to explain what he had discovered about you just moments ago.

The book now sat on the old healer's lap as she reread what her niece had done with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

Madja knew something was wrong with you but she would never have guessed that this was the reason behind it.

"So, she doesn't feel anything?" Nesta asked.

If this matter had been about anyone else, she wouldn't have bothered to show her sadness but you weren't anyone else. You were her best friend. Her sister.

"Yes." Feyre said with a lump in her throat.

The room fell silent as everyone tried to process this new information.

In the corner of the sofa, Cassian blamed himself for not having noticed sooner and not having done anything to help; Elain kept looking around the room with the feeling she was being judged and Azriel was rethinking all the signs you had given him that he hadn't noticed.

"It's no one's fault," Rhys' voice caught their attention but his attention was only on Cassian, "We had no way of knowing this. Without that book we wouldn't even know this was possible."

The General hadn't even realized that his shields were down but his brother's words brought him comfort.

"What do we do?" Mor spoke for the first time since entering the room "How do we get her back?"

Hurt flashed across Rhys's face and before he could respond, Madja did it for him. "We can't," all eyes turned to her and for the first time since they had known the healer, they saw her cry.

"Y/N is the only one who can turn her emotions back on. It's up to her and only her," with new tears falling down her cheeks she concluded, "There's nothing we can do."

Feyre placed a hand on the old female's shoulder. "I'm so sorry Madja."

Madja let out a long sigh and before she could hesitate any further she said "That's not all. There's a reason I came here tonight."

"What do you mean?" Cassian asked.

"Y/N's personality isn't the only thing that has changed."

The room became tense and several breaths were held.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Amren asked and if Madja knew her better, she would have sworn she had just heard a hint of fear in Amren's voice.

"I've been trying to figure out why for several days but this..." she pointed to the book, "this explains everything."

With all eyes focused on her, the old healer begin to explain "A few days ago I put Y/N to treat a boy's knee. She grabbed one of his leg and when she put it down there was a bruise in the same place her hand was. Y/N assumed she just hadn't seen the bruise before but that was because the boy didn't have any. I was the one who sat that boy in the chair and the only thing he had was the wound on his knee and nothing else. I would have noticed the bruise if he had it."

"What are you trying to say, Madja?" Rhys asked, he could feel that with every word the old female spoke, everyone became more nervous.

"After the boy," Madja continued, "she attended to a male who had ingested a poisonous plant by mistake. When she used her magic to heal him, he started spitting blood from his mouth and became very pale. Y/N thought that the poison was stronger than she thought but when I came to help the male...I managed to cure him without any problems."

"Madja, what are-" Nesta tried to ask.

"I think...," Madja ran a hand through her black hair, "I think when Y/N turned off her emotions, I think it affected her powers too. When I saw her trying to heal that male, her powers weren't emitted by a white light like all healers."

Mor's voice shook as she asked "What was it?"

Madja stared at the blonde female before telling her "Darkness."

Several curse words passed through the room, increasing the tension that was already in the air.

"I think Y/N gave the boy that bruise and I think when she tried to take the poison out of the male...I think she ended up spreading it."

"Over the next few days, each time Y/N used her powers to heal the patients...they all got worse. Eventually, I had to put her to work behind the counter so she couldn't hurt anyone else."

This new revelation of your powers only made a bad situation even worse and much, much more dangerous.

It is already quite dangerous for a person not to be able to feel anything as this means that they cannot distinguish right from wrong just as they cannot understand when to stop but to have their powers changed?

Amren set down her glass of wine before speaking "If you think about it it makes sense," she began drawing all the attention to her "When Y/N turned off her emotions, she turned off everything that was a part of her, including her own person."

"What does this mean?" Nesta asked with fear on her face not only for what this could mean but also for you.

Azriel was the first to realize with Amren's words being the last piece of the puzzle he needed "Mother help us. Madja, you're not trying to say that Y/N is now a..."

The male couldn't find the strength to finish his sentence but it wasn't long before Cassian continued where he left.

"A what?" He asked, eyes bouncing between his brother and the healer. "She's a what?"

With a long sigh, Madja said "Y/N is no longer a healer."

No one was prepared for Madja's next words. They didn't know what to expect when she came to their house in the middle of the night but they never would have thought of this turn of events.

They would never have guessed that their friend's pain was so deep that it would cause this to happen.

"Y/N is a necromancer."

A/n: Thank you for reading!

[Masterlist]

General Taglist: @emryb @fantasyandshit @azrielover @shadowsingercassia @littlelou22 @brieflyclassymortal @lilah-asteria @meul-a @lure-of-writing @pruvii @olive-main @mybestfriendmademe @anuttellaa @mrsjna @lively-potter @meul-a @mrsjna @avajustreads @littlelou22 @talesofadragon @circe143 @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @dark-chaos-314 @tequilya @scoliobean @saltedcoffeescotch @charlotteintumbleland @dark-chaos-314 @agirlwithwifiandalaptop

Taglist Fic: @crazylokonugget @quinzzelx @cumuluscranium @i-am-infinite @rcarbo1 @romantasyreader28 @thegreyjoyed @whyshouldihaveanam3 @sheblogs @amysangel @meher-sumedha @paleidiot @skylarkalchemist @thestartitaness @romanoffslegacy @bookwormysblog @sandramalikstyles-blog

*if you asked to be tagged and you weren't, it's because I couldn't find your blog.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

#acotar #acotar fandom #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #inner circle #cassian #rhysand #feyre archeron #feyre x reader #nesta archeron #elain archeron #eris vanserra #eris x reader #eris acotar #morrigan acotar #amren acotar #acotar fic #acotar fanfiction

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temperedink · 4 months

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my favourite ACOTAR fic by authors not on tumblr

I wanted to give some love to stories that aren't often mentioned on Tumblr and don't get reblogged over and over because their writers don't have accounts here. (I also just want more people to read some of my faves and scream about them with me.)

A Court of Ash and Sunlight by aturner1205 (Elucien; complete)

This Elucien fic had me on the edge of my seat and making up wild theories while it was posting. (I was incredibly wrong in said wild theories.) Elain and Lucien start to get to know each other better when they both are mourning her father on his birthday, and she confesses to him that she's never felt their bond. They're getting closer, and then Lucien is sent off on a dangerous mission, there's an accidental pregnancy, and Koschei after the Archerons. Tons of twists and turns here!

Fury and Siren by hurricane (next-gen; complete)

Next-gen fics where the kids are already adults are sometimes a hard sell, but these two interconnected stories get you deeply invested in Nyx and his cousins (their parents are all still around too). The first one is Nyx and an Illyrian shadowsinger (hmmm...) who's secretly been avenging abused and clipped Illyrian females, and the second is Nessian's son Caden and the only female Darkbringer who's been sent to assassinate him. These boys are definitely their fathers' sons, with their charm and flirting, but their partners do not let them rest on their privilege.

I Miss You (When the Lights Go Out), I Want to Taste the Way That You Bleed, and I Am Done With My Graceless Heart by greenvelvet_couture (Nessriel; ongoing series)

Soooo much Nessriel smut that kicks off when Azriel returns from a mission injured and Nessian want to take care of him (physically first, then sexually). Also a lot about Nesta training her post-ACOSF powers and the dangers that go along with that. But the author is VERY dedicated to the smut, bless her. Part 2 has just started and picks up with Bryce in the Night Court.

A Long Way Down by becauseofreading (Nessian; ongoing)

This one is a tough read, but it does a beautiful job of showing the recovery process from trauma and a suicide attempt. Nesta is suicidal and has deeply convinced herself of her unworthiness. Cassian is taken to task for his treatment of her and the words he's levelled at his mate, and the Valkyries, Azriel, and Elucien rally around her as she tries to heal and love herself with proper therapy. Cassian is ashamed of his treatment of her and is allowed in to help her heal if he doesn't upset her.

Where You Used to Lay Your Head by loveL (Gwynriel; ongoing)

This one is a bit of a time mindfuck, so you have to just accept that the Archerons and the Valkyries were born much earlier than they were in canon. Sixty years ago, Azriel and Gwyn were happy in their secret 20-year relationship (the IC knew he had a partner, but didn't know who she was) when suddenly Gwyn up and left him. Now she's back in the Night Court with Nesta and Emerie after creating the Valkyries in the Day Court, and Azriel is finally going to try to find out what happened that made Gwyn leave and stay away for so long.

Forgive Me, A Court of Shadow and Smoke, and The High Lady, the Shadowsinger, and the Omega, Part 1 and Part 2 by darcyshandflex (Elucien, Azris, next-gen; ongoing)

This epic series starts with Elucien and explaining why Elain has avoided him for so long--but now she's ready to fight for him. In A Court of Shadow and Smoke, we have omegaverse!Azris finally getting together (Azriel's the alpha, Eris is the omega) and all of the emotional and political issues that causes. The final two parts span 30+ years with Azris raising their three girls. When the girls are adults, their future partners are discovered, and that has long-lasting impacts on multiple courts in Prythian. This one is still ongoing, and apparently the final part is going to be sad and I'm not ready for it.

And here are three writers I would have included on this list who have since gotten on Tumblr (I procrastinated on writing this post for THAT long, but they were on the original draft!):

A Little Bit of Light Reading by @infinitefolklore (Elucien; complete)

One of my all-time favourite ACOTAR stories that I have reread a bajillion times. Elain and Lucien are alone at the townhouse and start flirting, which leads to other things, including library sex, a sorta blood duel, a reconciliation, a solstice sex party in the Summer Court, PLUS a threesome near the end, as a little treat.

I Can Wait For You at the Bottom by MissFreakingFortune/ @missfckingfortune (Elucien; ongoing)

Listen, if you're not reading this super-sexy modern Elucien rockstar second-chance romance, I don't know what you're doing with your life. Elain and Lucien were high school sweethearts who had their lives together all planned out, until Lucien left to chase his rockstar dreams. Ten years later, he's returned home for Beron's funeral and once they're back in each other's orbit, they both can't stay away. Lucien is determined to win her back, but Elain is much more wary, even though the attraction is definitely still there. There's also a great big bro Eris, and Mama Vanserra finally has her freedom from Beron so she can maybe start something up again with hot French professor Helion...and also tell him about their child, who is also going to need to know about his true parentage.

Phoenix Rising by Vivienne1412/ @annaskareninas (Elucien; ongoing, complete with regular updates)

I need you to drop everything and go read this fic. Yes, NOW. No, I'll wait.

Beron has seized control over all of Prythian and has either killed or exiled all of High Lords and other powerful fae (Feysand and Nyx are in the Hewn City dosed with faebane everyday; Nessian escaped to Hybern). The humans have also gathered enough power that they're a dangerous threat to the fae. Elain has been working as a nurse for the fae resistance efforts, and her latest patient is the long-thought-dead Lucien, the only free heir of any of the High Lords. They go on the run to protect him, as there's a prophecy about him that makes him the last hope to defeat Beron and Autumn for good, and shore up support from the Continent to get a fighting force. This is an incredibly well-written fantasy story with crazy-high stakes and DRAGONS. Go read it.

#fic rec #elucien #gwynriel #nessian #nessriel #azris #next-gen acotar #reblog with your fave non-tumblr stories!#also if any of these writers are on tumblr lmk

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ilikebookssomuch · 2 months

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Hi! I have more angst for you all. As usual, here are the previous parts.

Now read! Enjoy! Cry, maybe hopefully! Also, please reblog this. It helps. A lot.

Edaline’s POV:

It had been 16 years since she’d worn this gown. It was a long, flowing dress the color of emeralds. Green was the color of life, so elves always wore green to funerals.

But for the second time, Edaline was attending her own daughter’s planting. She studied her reflection in the floor-to-ceiling mirror: puffy red eyes, trembling hands, and a pale face streaked with tears.

As she turned away, Grady entered the room. He was wearing dark pine-colored pants and a matching jacket with gold thread embroidered along the seams. His bloodshot eyes met hers, and he attempted to smile. “You look lovely, Eda,” he said, taking her hand and walking to the door. The pair climbed up the stairs, past Sophie’s room, and to the gleaming Leapmaster.

“Are you ready to do this?” Grady asked, hugging her tight.

“Yes,” Edaline barely whispered. “The Wanderling Woods,” her voice was raspy, but the crystal still dropped down and made a shimmering path of light.

Together, Grady and Edaline stepped forward, letting the light whisk them away.

The crowd at Sophie’s funeral was surprising large. Hundreds of elves were crammed in between the other Wanderling trees, all clad in green. Sobs rose throught the still forest. Edaline and Grady walked around the sides of the group, heads down. Along the way, they stopped at Jolie’s tree. It was so beautiful, and Edaline whispered, “Stay strong. I love you,” before continuing.

When they got to the hill that Sophie’s tree would be planted on, they saw Kesler, Juline, and the triplets all embracing one another in a hug, crying. Juline looked up, met Edaline’s eyes, and raced to hug her. Grady walked over to Kesler and they exchanged sad, solemn-sounding words.

After a moment, the air lit up and all twelve councilors appeared on the stage set up behind the planting sites.

“As I’m sure you’ve all heard, the disspearences of two young elves have been tearing at our hearts for nearly two weeks. After days of careful consideration and hope, we were forced to admit that Miss Foster and Mr. Dizznee are dead. The lost cities will mourn their loss forever. But now, it is time for the plantings,” Councilor Emery said, his voice carrying over the silent ground.

Kesler pulled a small seed out of his suit pocket and carefully wrapped a strawberry-blond hair around it while Juline dug a small hole in the grassy hillside. Bex placed the seed in the hole, and Rex gently filled the dirt back in. When it was done, Lex poured a vial of green liquid over the planting. The liquid sank into the soil and a sapling immediately sprung from the earth.

It had a slightly twisted trunk and spikey red leaves. Edaline even noticed a few periwinkle berries on the ends of the tiny branches. The whole Dizznee family was crying by the time they stepped away, and they sat against the stage, dazed, with tears streaking down their rosy cheeks.

Now it was their turn.

Grady prepared the seed while Edaline dug the hole. Grady filled it in, and Edaline sobbed as she opened the vial. Drink up, little one, she thought as the elixir disappeared into the ground. When she stepped back, a pale truck pushed its way up from the dirt. Soon, golden-yellow star-shaped leaves were unfulrling and tiny brown seed pods were sprouting.

Grady cried and hugged Edaline.

She was devastated. It wasn’t fair. She already lost one daughter, why did the world insist that she lose another?

She barely registered all of the families coming up to them and giving thier condolences.

She was numb.

Emotionless.

Empty.

When they got home, Edaline barely managed to crawl into their bedroom before she collapsed onto the bed and slept. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to wake up. Not without Sophie by her side.

Tag list: @myfairkatiecat @alaydabug2 @ham-cheese-toastie @stunning-mess @sophie-pleasant @lisalovesapplesauce @ilov3b00kss0much @siennamakeschaos @mushroom-snake-coding @sophiefostersno1stan @upside-downish @aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen @permanently-stressed (Isa & Aspen I'm tagging you because we're moots now and it's my job to bother you)

#kotlc #book person ramblings #kotlc fandom #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc sophie #sophie foster #dex dizznee #kotlc dex #kotlc angst #kotlc fic #kotlc fanfic

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rosie-b · 4 months

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True Blue

Chapter 12: In which Nathalie is the MVP

I'm finally back!!! It feels like it's been forever since the last chapter. This past semester was really busy for me, so I'm glad that I could finally post a new update! You can read it on AO3 or below!

Pinning the brooch back on felt like a chore.

The poison hadn’t spread far enough that it was physically difficult for Marinette to do, but after that akuma, she barely felt worthy to touch the brooch, let alone wear it and transform with it.

Duusu appeared moments after she managed to secure the brooch with weak fingers. Normally, Marinette would avoid talking to the kwami. She felt guilty about it, but M. Agreste had warned her that the kwami’s mind was addled, poisoned by its own Miraculous, and that talking to Duusu could hasten the spread of her illness.

Well, that was no longer a concern. So what if Marinette poisoned herself again and again each time she became Bluewing? She had the ingredients she needed to undo the dark magic every time.

“Wooh! What a ride! I was upside-down for a moment!” Duusu giggled, whirling around in the air before stopping in front of Marinette’s face. “Hello! Who are you? You look weird!”

Marinette sighed. M. Agreste had been right, after all. Duusu did seem pretty addled. Didn’t they remember her at all?

“I’m Marinette. We didn’t exactly have the best meeting last time,” she said to the wide-eyed bird. “Would you like to try again?”

She offered her hand to the bird, who eyed it suspiciously and pecked at her finger. Marinette sighed.

“I’m your new holder. Nice to meet you,” Marinette said, forcing a small smile onto her face.

At these words, Duusu immediately brightened up and began flying around her excitedly. “Oh! A new holder? How exciting! I haven’t had a new holder since Foom! Or maybe it was Doom? Duberry? Emery? Oh, well, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine!” Suddenly, Duusu stopped with a frown. “No, wait, you can’t be my holder. You smell like... roses. And bread. That’s not right, that’s not right at all,” they fussed, flying back and forth in a dizzying motion.

Marinette felt she was going to throw up, and she knew it wasn’t just the kwami’s back-and-forth flight causing the feeling.

“Stop!” she cried, covering her eyes with her hands.

But Duusu kept flying back and forth, and she could feel the air shifting against her skin with its motion. The kwami’s dizzying movement mixed with the sickly feeling of the brooch’s poison, and Marinette couldn’t focus, couldn’t think.

“Stop, please! I order you to stop!” she cried out, without fully recognizing the power of what she had said.

Duusu ground to a halt. They struggled in midair, casting a betrayed look at Marinette.

“What happened? Did you just... order me? Oh, none of my holders have ever ordered me before,” they mourned, and their tail drooped behind them as Marinette slowly uncovered her eyes.

“I did? I ordered you?”

It was a horrifying thing to wake up to. Marinette had only said the first words that came to her mind in an attempt to make the sickness-inducing motion stop. She hadn’t meant to command anyone, not really!

And yet, she had. Marinette doubled over as the sick feeling in her stomach intensified.

“You did!” Duusu wailed. “And now you feel awful! But, oh, I’ll never be able to move again!”

With this, they burst into tears, crying aloud at the horrible situation they were in, and Marinette felt her eyes well up, too.

“I’m sorry!” she gasped. “I didn’t mean to! How do I undo it?”

“I forget!” Duusu cried. In a panic, they cast their gaze about, trying to find some kind of solution. Then they paused on something just outside of Marinette’s vision, and suddenly, their tears halted in their tracks. “Oh, look, a butterfly! Easily my only true rival in beauty,” they preened. “Isn’t it beautiful, Master?”

There was no way Duusu was just seeing a normal butterfly, not today in Paris. It must be an akuma! But why would M. Agreste send another akuma out so soon after the last one?

Marinette whirled around, trying to spot the akuma through her blurry vision.

There it is, she realized, It’s just a meter away!

But wait, its wings... they’re orange, not black and purple.

Marinette sucked in a deep breath. This was just a normal butterfly. She’d been wrong. Relief coursed through Marinette’s body, easing the churning sickness in her stomach a little.

Determined, Marinette turned back to Duusu, who was back to wriggling in place. She still needed to un-order them!

“Duusu, I release you,” she tried, forcing her voice out as loud and authoritative as she could get it. When nothing happened, she tried again. “Uh, I order you to disregard my previous order.” Will that work? M. Agreste never taught me about kwami orders!

Wait. What if... what if Duusu isn’t the only one I just gave an order to?

Marinette would never forgive herself if she’d just broached M. Agreste’s trust and broken her promise by giving an order to poor Adrien! Her heart raced as she wondered just how badly she’d messed up (on top of everything else she’d messed up today).

Meanwhile, Duusu began zipping around again, although they stopped when they noticed Marinette’s eyes beginning to cross.

“Oh, thank you!” they cheered. “I’m all better, Master! But... but you still feel so bad!”

Duusu burst into tears again, and Marinette swallowed, reaching out to cup them in her hands.

“There, there, it’s all right,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’ll be okay. I’ve been okay before, too. But right now, I need to get back to Adrien! We were at a photoshoot together, but then I... I did something horrible!” Her hands began to tremble, only partly because of the weakness spreading in her thanks to the brooch’s poison.

Duusu wailed even louder. “Oh, it’s so sad! You think you hurt him, but you’re the one feeling all the pain!”

“I’m sure he’s not feeling so good, either,” Marinette muttered, brushing a tear away from the corner of her eye before it could fall. “Duusu, do you think when I ordered you... I ordered him, too? Oh, what if he’s still stuck by the mansion, or the park? What if I made him stop moving in the middle of a street? Duusu, I really need to go make sure he’s okay! Spread my feathers!”

She was running off towards Place des Vosges before her transformation had finished, her mind focused only on making sure Adrien was safe.

“Adrien!” she called as she drew closer. “Adrien!”

People stared at her as she passed by. One old woman even crossed herself. Marinette wondered why. She was just a normal girl, right?

As she skidded past the corner where her house sat, she caught sight of Adrien. He was helping Nathalie move something back into the limousine, a garment bag, perhaps. What exactly it was didn’t matter, though, because he was moving! That meant Marinette hadn’t ordered him, after all!

Well... not unless she had, and then her counter-order had worked on him, too. She’d better check, just in case.

“Adrien,” Bluewing panted as she rushed up to him and put her hands on his shoulders. “Are you okay? Have you felt any weird urges to stay absolutely still and not fly around in dizzying zig-zigs?”

Adrien went rigid under her touch. “Uh, nope, nothing like that, Bluewing,” he said, quirking one eyebrow. “Why, did Hawk Moth make another akuma already, and you’re trying to check if it's working?”

“Well, no, I...” Marinette’s face scrunched up. Bluewing?

Panicking, Marinette looked down at herself and realized that yes, she really was Bluewing right now! She’d just transformed to get here in time, but then... she hadn’t remembered to detransform. She’d just run up to Adrien like this, and now it looked like a well-known villain was checking in on a random (but famous) civilian.

Bluewing realized that this was possibly the worst she had messed up that day. Maybe ever, if this led to the public figuring out her real identity.

“Oh, n-no, sorry, I just wanted to check up on you,” she stammered. “I’m so sorry, there’s no akuma right now. That I know of. So, um. Bye?”

She lifted her hands off of Adrien’s shoulders in a very casual, totally-not-your-best-friend-y way and ran back out of the park. To her horror, she could hear someone laughing as she fled, and as the adrenaline faded, the sick feeling in her stomach came back full force.

“Fall my feathers,” she whispered once she’d made it back to the mansion. Ripping off her brooch, she put it back in the safe and hurried out to the foyer, intending to head right back out to the park.

Gabriel stopped her as she stepped out of the room.

“The photoshoot has been cancelled,” he informed her bluntly. “Adrien called me to say that he was concerned you wouldn’t feel comfortable working with him today. Apparently, he kissed you while you were under Dark Cupid’s spell,” he added with a stern look.

So, this was happening now. Sure. She didn’t need a break to recover from all the mistakes she’d already managed to make, or anything!

Marinette felt faint as she summoned up her courage and stood tall despite the pain now radiating through her body. “I suppose that’s one way to put it. Believe me, I didn’t mean to. And I know,” she swallowed hard, “I know he didn’t want to kiss me. I don’t know what happened. But I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to work with me, after that. I understand if he never wants to see me again.”

Gabriel tsk- ed and looked down at Marinette for a moment, no doubt considering whether to take back Adrien’s amok, fire Marinette from her internship, and never let her in his house again.

“I don’t think that’s what he meant. Adrien is nothing if not stubborn, and once he makes a friend, he is reluctant to let go of them. I believe he’ll be back to normal in a day or two, as sentimental as he is. Do not worry too much about him, Marinette. Keep your attention on what’s most important. Your... entanglement with Adrien threw you off today. Don’t let yourself be distracted by whatever you feel for him. Call it what you want, but don’t take me for a fool, Marinette. Don’t waste your potential for the possibility of a relationship with Adrien.”

Marinette felt shame creep up her neck, staining her cheeks a damning red. “That’s not... I don’t want to date your son,” she protested. “I... was distracted by what happened, but only because it made me hurt a good friend. That’s not what I ever wanted to do,” she whispered.

“As you say,” Gabriel said disbelievingly. “Regardless, I think perhaps I have put too much stress on you recently. Take the afternoon off. I’ll have Nathalie give you homework, so that you don’t fall too far behind on your lessons. Go home, and don’t think about the mission for one evening. When you come back tomorrow, I expect you to be sharp and ready for battle.”

“Yes, M. Agreste,” Marinette said. “I’m sorry for letting you down.”

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” he said. “I want you to be better.”

Gabriel walked past her, heading to his atelier. Marinette lingered behind, feeling lost. He’d just dismissed her. She had done such a terrible job that he’d dismissed her and told her to rest, like some tragic Victorian lady!

It was all Marinette could do to stay on her feet and keep her shameful blush at bay as she packed up to go and replaced her old vial with one full of new potion. This immediately lifted most of the sickness she was feeling, but not all of what she felt was because of the Miraculous’ poison; she knew that.

Ms. Sancoeur stopped Marinette before she could leave.

“I haven’t given you your lessons yet,” she said in her usual, cold tone. “Here. Gabriel told me you weren’t feeling well today. I hope you are better tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Marinette said as she set down her bookbag and placed the folder Nathalie had handed her inside it. “I promise, I’ll be back to normal soon.”

“Good,” Nathalie said, folding her tablet under one arm.

Marinette lifted her bookbag over her shoulders. “Will I be walking home, or did M. Agreste ask the Gorilla to wait for me?”

“The chauffeur will drive you, of course. But before you leave, there’s something else I need to tell you. Marinette, someone recorded the kiss Adrien gave you to break Dark Cupid’s spell.”

Marinette felt like she’d been hit by one of Chat Grise’s warning-less punches.

“What? How? I, I didn’t see anyone after,” she stuttered as her heart pounded fast and loud in her chest. How could this keep getting worse?

“One of Adrien’s fans noticed your fight and followed you back to the mansion. They recorded the second half on their phone and posted it on social media,” Ms. Sancoeur continued, looking down at her tablet and ignoring Marinette’s wide-eyed gaze. “Unfortunately, I was unable to take the post down before it went viral. I’m doing what I can to scrub the video off the internet, but with how large and active Adrien’s fanbase is, I’m afraid it’s an impossible task. Until the commotion dies down, you’re going to have to deal with increased attention from the public and heightened security when you’re outside the mansion. For now, don’t go anywhere without telling either me or M. Agreste first. We’ll have Adrien’s bodyguard cover you if he’s available.”

Marinette’s mouth was dry, but her hands grew clammy as she listened to Nathalie’s explanation. Her mind skipped like an old DVD as she tried to picture how the public must think of her now. What explanations were they coming up with for the kiss?

She must have looked as panicked as she felt, because Ms. Sancoeur’s face softened. “Marinette. It’s okay to admit that you need a break for more than one evening.”

“I’ll be okay,” Marinette quickly replied. After all, the kiss had just been another side effect of an akuma. With how often Paris got those, Marinette’s moment of infamy shouldn’t last long.

Nathalie’s eyebrow lifted half a millimeter. “Are you really sure you can handle this? From now on, every time you step outside, you’ll need to watch for paparazzi. That’s in addition to all the reporters you have to avoid as Bluewing, and although Adrien will be dealing with increased exposure after the kiss as well, if the public has a negative opinion about it, they will find a way to blame you. In their eyes, you’d be a criminal.”

In their eyes, you’d be a criminal.

“Oh,” Marinette replied, her body on autopilot as Ms. Sancoeur’s words circled around in her head like a child’s toy train on its track. “I’m sure it won’t be as bad as what the press says about Bluewing,” Marinette responded, her shoulders slumping as she mentally prepared for the next few days of hell. “I’ll handle it on my own, Ms. Sancoeur.”

“Please don’t. You don’t need to suffer, Marinette, all you need to do is give us a call before you step outside for any reason. And hang blackout curtains up in your room, if you haven’t already. And don’t stay in your parents’ shop for long; it’s too open and that makes it dangerous.” Ms. Sancoeur sighed. “Just... be careful. Adrien cares a lot about you, Marinette, and it’s clear that you care about him, in return. True love’s kiss is not something to scoff at, apparently.”

Marinette’s heart caught in her throat. “True love’s kiss? Ms. Sancoeur, you must be mistaken. That wasn’t kiss love true— kiss blue— I mean, it was just an effect from the akuma, right? It didn’t mean anything.”

Nathalie’s lips thinned. “Marinette, I may not be an expert in romantic love by any stretch of the imagination, but the akuma today was likely influenced by the literature Kim was reading with the rest of Adrien’s class. I keep notes on what he is studying, even now, and this week, Ms. Bustier’s class was studying fairy tales. In particular, they were studying classics like Sleeping Beauty and Snow White.”

Marinette scowled and crossed her arms. “So? That doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like M. Agreste had you design the akuma for him.”

Nathalie frowned and adjusted her glasses. “Adrien already told me his half of the story. The kiss was not a side effect of the akuma; anyone can see that. Its powers reversed people’s affections, and Kim targeted lovers and friends. That means your protective love for Adrien was turned into a dangerous hatred of him. You were attacking him— were, but Kim wasn’t the only one paying attention in class. Adrien decided to kiss you, in the hopes that the fairy tales’ words would prove true. A kiss, a symbol of romantic love, is what breaks evil’s spell.”

Marinette swayed on her feet, and Nathalie quickly reached out to steady her.

“Of course, friendly love is quite powerful, too!" Nathalie said in a rush. "It’s what kept me here, trying to find a cure for Emilie alongside Gabriel. And— but sometimes, friendly love, in the end, doesn’t turn out to be so friendly. Don’t you think?”

Nathalie looked extremely embarrassed by her admission. Marinette was so occupied by what she’d revealed about the kiss to focus on anything else, though.

“But, Ms. Sancoeur, I don’t love Adrien like that! He’s my friend, but I know my love for him is just platonic! Even if he loves me, I— I’m in love with someone else!” she burst out.

Nathalie stilled and straightened. “You’re in love? With whom?”

Marinette’s cheeks reddened as she realized her mistake.

“I’m in love? What? Where did you get that idea? I’m not in love, I’m just friendemy, henemy, I mean I’m not in love! With anyone! So there!”

Marinette tried to maintain steady eye contact with Nathalie to show she wasn’t lying, but Ms. Sancoeur had mastered the art of the withering gaze at If Looks Could Kill college, and it wasn’t long before she had to cave in.

“Okay, fine. I’m not in love, but it’s just really hard to not think that Golden Bug is cute, right? I mean, his puns are atrocious, but for a villain, he’s way too kind. He’s on the wrong side, but he has a heart of gold!” She giggled helplessly. “And his eyes are like, wow, and his face when he’s confused is just—”

“Let’s stop there,” Nathalie said hurriedly. “Please just stop. You’re in love with Golden Bug?”

Marinette’s cheeks felt like they were on fire. “It’s just a crush. A phase. I’ll grow out of it.”

Ms. Sancoeur sighed. “Okay, you have a crush on Golden Bug. But you know Adrien has a crush on you?”

Marinette squeaked. “Well, now that you’ve said it like that, I guess I do? But he probably, I mean, it’s been a confusing kiss, I mean, we’re just friends and we’re going to stay like that! And I can’t date him anyway, because M. Agreste said I couldn’t, so how do we help him get over me?”

Ms. Sancoeur’s eyes sharpened. “Gabriel told you not to date Adrien? When?”

“Like, five minutes before you started talking to me. He said my emotions are making me distracted during battles and then told me to take a break. I don’t think he trusts me anymore. But he let me keep Adrien’s amok, which— oh, no. Nathalie, you don’t think I’m influencing Adrien to love me, do you? Am I abusing his amok? Why don’t they come with instructions; this is all too complicated,” she fussed, slapping her hands to the side of her face.

Ms. Sancoeur frowned. “Well, do you want him to love you? Or did you give him an order to kiss you today?”

Marinette’s hands fell into fists at her side. “No! I would never!”

“Then his emotions are not influenced by your amok. They are his own, Marinette, and you shouldn’t start trying to control them now. I’ll talk to Gabriel for you, and see if I can get him to change his mind. You should be allowed to date whomever you like.”

“What? Thank you, but I thought I said I don’t want to date Adrien?”

“No, but you did imply that you wanted to get over Golden Bug, and I find myself agreeing very much with that sentiment. And here, you have Adrien, who already cares very deeply about you—”

Marinette clasped her hands over her ears. “No!”

Ms. Sancoeur’s lips twitched as if she was amused, but she took pity on Marinette after a moment. “You don’t have to date him. But I am concerned that M. Agreste is restricting who he can and can’t date. I’m not just talking to him on your behalf, but on Adrien’s. Although, if you really do want to move on from Golden Bug, and if you happen to face the core of those friendly, distracting emotions you have for Adrien and find they’re not what you thought they were... I don’t think it would be such a bad idea. He is the real reason you agreed to become Bluewing, isn’t he? I know it couldn’t have been Emilie. You never had the chance to know her like I did.”

Marinette looked down, feeling the heat in her cheeks cool somewhat. “You’re right. Most of what M. Agreste told me was awful, and I do care about healing Emilie, but Adrien... well, he’s the closest friend I’ve had in a long time. I don’t want to hurt him! And I don’t want him to get hurt by anyone else, either. That’s why M. Agreste trusted me with one of his amoks. That’s why I agreed to fight, to protect him and make sure he gets the family he deserves. Only, I feel like I’m kind of doing the opposite of not hurting him now. How can I keep being his friend when I only mess it up? And how do I turn him down without hurting him, especially since he hasn’t confessed his crush to me?”

Nathalie hummed. “I think Gabriel was right to trust you. You haven’t hurt Adrien, not yet, anyway. You might, if you deal with his feelings the wrong way. He’s as fragile as he is strong, Marinette. But you know that already. My advice, as unqualified as I fear it is, is to keep being his friend as you have in the past. Don’t acknowledge his feelings unless he brings them up, and be honest and gentle with him. Your friendship means a lot to both of you. It’s not going to break because of a crush.”

“But it might,” Marinette said fearfully. “What if I say the wrong thing? What if I never get over Golden Bug, but Adrien never gets over me, and we have to tiptoe around our feelings forever?”

“You won’t say the wrong thing, Marinette, not if you’re honest and considerate. And if you still love Golden Bug? Then you’ll work through it. You have a heart of gold, yourself, you know. And there’s enough room for more than one kind of love in it. Listen. Go home, rest up like Gabriel said. Don’t worry about anything tonight. I’m on your side, and we’ll figure this out together. You’ll be okay. Both of you will.”

Marinette sniffed. “Thank you,” she said, surging forward to give Nathalie a quick hug. “You’re the best secretary ever. You deserve, like, a thousand raises for this. And a hamster.”

Nathalie huffed out a quiet laugh. “Well, thank you. I appreciate it. And I promise not to let word of your secret crush slip to Gabriel. Now, don’t waste your extra time. Go, the chauffeur is waiting for you.”

She patted Marinette on the back and watched her get ready to leave. When Marinette reached the car and got in, she offered a small wave, and turned to head to the atelier.

Marinette smiled as the car pulled away from the mansion. She hadn’t seemed like she would at first, but Nathalie really did care.

#true blue #ml fanfic #rosie-b writing #bluewing au #miraculous ladybug #ml au

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acourtofthought · 21 days

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Elain, mourn as she might for the life she would have had with Graysen, had found a place, a role here. Tending to the gardens of Feyre’s veritable palace on the river, helping other residents of Velaris restore their own destroyed gardens—she had purpose, and joy, and friends: those two half-wraiths who worked in Rhysand’s household. But those things had always come easily to her sister. Had always made Elain special.

The above was from page 49 in Silver Flames. Back when Nesta hated everyone and hated herself. Back before she began training and formed friendships. Back when she felt Elain was a dog. Back when she was convinced Amren and Elain had abandoned her and chosen Feyre instead.

It's clear to see Nesta's opinions at this time were skewed. People not struggling the way she was realize it's OK to have more than one friend, that Amren and Feyre were friends first therefore Amren didn't choose Feyre over her and that friends are still allowed to disagree with you. People not struggling the way she was realize it's a good thing for a sister to try to connect with another sister, that Elain wasn't just being loyal to Feyre to receive handouts but because she felt guilty for having failed her back in the cottage (considering she apologized for that exact thing in ACOMAF), that Elain was the one doing work in Feyre's garden and cooking for Feyre's found family and helping Feyre's people with their gardens. The only thing Elain received from Feyre since ACOWAR was a place to live and that's just common courtesy considering she lost her home through no fault of her own. People not struggling the way Nesta was realize that Elain and Nesta were at odds because Nesta pushed Elain away, asked to be left alone and even turned and walked in the other direction when seeing Elain in the market. You can't force your company on someone who has said in no uncertain terms "I don't want your company". Nesta rejected Elain, not the other way around.

With all that said, it's canon that Nesta has been avoiding Elain for over a year so how exactly would Nesta know how what sort of friendship Elain has with the wraiths? How exactly would Nesta know how much joy Elain actually had in the Night Court?

She wouldn't. Therefore the above line doesn't prove Elain's happiness in the Night Court considering readers don't actually read anything of the sort when it comes to Elain.

Where in SF, outside of Nesta's own statements of Elain after avoiding Elain for a year and having a distorted perception of things at that time does the text support Elain having friends and joy and happiness?

Was it when her fight with Nesta brought her close to tears? Was that the joy she was talking about?

Was it when she fought with Nesta after showing up late to an IC meeting that the others didn't seem to care whether Elain was at or not?

Was it when Feyre thought of Elain only as a pleasant companion and even told her she could stay home during the ball scene? Did those things bring Elain joy?

Did we have a scene where Cassian notes Elain waltzing around the ball with someone, a smile on her face because she enjoys waltzing so much?

Was it all the mentions of the wraiths and Elain hanging out in SF? There were none. In fact I think the only mention of them having been on page at all was when they brought Gwyn and Emerie tea but no mentions of them at Solstice hanging out with Elain, no mentions of them at Starfall with Elain though Lucien was at both.

Was it all the times Nesta saw Elain come in from helping with gardens sighing with contentedness over the work she did? That didn't happen.

We were rarely ever shown Elain smiling or happy in SF therefore where exactly is this joy Nesta is referring to? I think the only time she was written to be sort of happy was when she was telling the story of Nesta back in the human lands and feeling relieved Nesta found something to channel her energy into.

Using examples from ACOWAR or the novella is not accounting for an entire year having gone by since then. Feyre once had smiles while in the Spring Court until she didn't so what happened a book or two ago isn't evidence of anything.

Nesta claiming how happy Elain is and the friends she has right now is not proof when we don't see any of that in the actual book, Nesta's statements were simply born of her anger with herself and because of that anger the belief that everyone is happier and better off than she.

The actual book tells us that Elain is still struggling with trauma, that Elain still spends much of her time alone, that that the others still don't turn to Elain for things, that they're fine with her not being part of important IC meetings discussing important IC things, that her "friendship" with the wraiths isn't actually seen a single time. If Sarah found a way to put them on page bringing Nesta friends tea then she could have easily had them show up for Elain somewhere in the 800 + pages. The joy and purpose and friends Nesta thinks Elain has isn't really a thing. That's not to say Elain isn't trying to make the best of her situation but it's clear her life isn't quite so picture perfect as Nesta believed it to be and it's obvious that Elain is not surrounded by the people who are going to support her characters growth.

#elain archeron #free elain from the night court #pro elain archeron #character deep dive #need to shine?#there's a mate for that

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corvusalbus93 · 5 months

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Thoughts & Feelings after the TBB Finale

Loved the show, but there are a couple of things I wish had been different/added. We still got damn good finale; pretty tense at times, action was great, Hemlock died (and Hunter and Crosshair got to do it together. Remember; sharing is caring), the way Rampart and Nala Se met their end, we even had a pretty happy ending for once, lots of good stuff.

However, I am disappointed Rex and his rebellion didn’t really play a part, despite being the reason Echo was gone for so much of the show and the screen time they got in season 2. They were also looking for Tantiss, determined to free their brother, so I’d been hoping Echo would manage to get a message out. Just imagine Rex with his boys showing up clutch, keeping troops occupied, evacuating the prisoners, giving the Batch the opening they need to get to Hemlock or something.

While I like how the show stayed focused on the Bad Batch, and didn’t drag in too many characters from other stories, this could have made Echo’s absence/working with Rex feel more vital. Maybe the Rex-storyline was dropped and they’re saving some of these plotlines for another Rex-centred show; those might also show when Wolffe switched sides or what happened to Cody, after he went AWOL.

Now, am I sad Tech is really dead? Yes and no.

While I am sick of every other character in Star Wars returning from the dead, part of me had hoped he’d survived somehow. As mentioned in previous posts, it felt like he died in the middle of his character arch (which his death certainly didn’t complete); Romar in the first episodes of season 2 gave him inside into the value of culture, and how people weren’t defined by what side they were on during the war. Phee added to this with her own love of history and culture...and then it didn’t go anywhere. They also teased the possibility of a romance with her, but it was ended with an awkward goodbye and we didn’t see her react to his death. She mentions him, but its business as usual for everyone at that point. Tech could have been on vacation the way everyone acted most of the time in season 3.

Seriously, the main reason I’m unsatisfied with his death is the lack of reaction and consequences in this season. Even in the episode he died in, it was kinda overshadowed by Omega’s abduction 5 minutes later. Not to mention that it ended with Emeri revealing she was her sister; you lost a science-inclined sibling with glasses? Well, don’t worry, here’s another. Bit overdramatic on my part, I know, but I really didn’t like that reveal, not at the time. Should have been in season 3. Though honestly? Emeri didn’t need to be related to any of them; just have her be a not morally bankrupt person and the story wouldn’t have changed. She didn’t need to be related to the other kids to care about them, so what really was the point of her being another clone?

Going back to Tech, it’s a shame we didn’t see Crosshair or Phee react. Like, did Crosshair blame himself for what happened? I’m sure he did on some level, but we have not really seen it. Even in episode 5, when he argues with Hunter, Crosshair says he risked everything to send the message, but Hunter ignored him and allowed Omega to get abducted...but nothing about Tech’s death. They all just silently look down a few episodes later, when Tech is mentioned, and in the final episode Crosshair points out the team died with Tech. It’s something, but I wish there had been more. Maybe show different ways they deal with loss and how to support each other. Maybe Phee and/or Shep show them what funeral rites on Pabu are like, as a way to say goodbye to the departed. Compare how clones and civilians handle death, something like that. We had a little mourning in season 2, but again, was abruptly ended/undercut by Omega’s abduction.

Concerning consequences; the team operated pretty normally, once Crosshair was back with them. I think it would have added weight, if there had been more things they weren’t able to do at all without Tech. Really make his loss be felt/shown in the way they approach their missions, but there was only like one instance, when they were trying to find out about M-count and otherwise they operated pretty much as usual.

Now, even if Tech had survived there still should have been consequences. I have made posts like a year ago, talking about the possibility of him being permanently disabled (e.g. paralysed below hip/unable to walk), but still able to help the team, as his mind has always been his greatest asset. Still, I’m okay with him staying dead, so I’m not going expand on this further here.

Moving on, we never learned why Omega was created the way she was. We know why she was useful for Hemlock, but why did Nala Se made her to begin with? Did she have similar goals/did the Kaminioan have a similar project at some point? Was Emeri like a failed test-version of Omega? Just things I wish they had answered, rather than spending two episodes on finding out what M-count means, something the audience already knows.

Which brings me to my next point: why Ventress was in the show? The Batch found out what the M-count was, which honestly is a piece of information Shand could have given them at the end of her episode. Testing if Omega was force sensitive or the taming of that sea creature, didn’t set up anything in the finale as some suspected, so despite enjoying Ventress’ episode, I wish they’d used the time on other plot points.

We also never did find out what exactly Project Necromancer tried to accomplish (though we got a good idea), or how close Hemlock was to achieving his breakthrough. Could have added tension, if we’d known how far along he truly was, added catharsis to see him fail so close to his goal.

Overall I’m not quite happy Omega got brought to Tantiss and escaped twice with minimal help (really undermining the place as a whole). Why did infiltrating Tarkin’s “summer home” feel more dangerous/consequential than the secret mountain-base they built up so much? I love we finally got a happy ending, but one named character on the good guys’ side should have died, not just nameless prisoners we only just met. This is where the clone rebellion could have come in, some sacrificing themselves, helping the Batch, or maybe have Phee (who felt underutilised) get shot down, after getting them to Tantiss.

If you’ve seen previous posts, you know I’m pretty mad about what they’ve done with Scorch overall. What happened in the final episode can be summed up like this:

He’s unrecognizable from the games and books, to the point I wonder why they even bothered to include him. He didn’t even really do anything. Was it just because he was recognizable? And where is the rest of Delta? We never got closure concerning Sev and now this, a waste of a pretty fun character.

Speaking of clones working for Hemlock.

While I don’t mind the CX-clones being no one special, they had no personality, and except for CX-2 perhaps, no rivalries with the Batch either. They didn’t even get voice lines, so they looked cool for 5 minutes of screen time and died, but were pretty forgettable overall. They are this far down on my list, ‘cause I legit forgot about them. If only they’d been introduced sooner.

Anyway, those are some of my thoughts. I still like the show and would recommend it to any Star Wars fan, but there were a few things I just needed to get off my chest.

#the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #tbb thoughts #tbb season finale

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askwenjing · 5 months

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So... how do I feel about the series finale?

Well, I have mixed feelings about it.

What I like about it:

1. Hemlock and Rampart's deaths - they deserve it.

2. Nala Se sacrifices her life to destroy the databank - it's a fitting fate for her.

3. Emerie survives and starts a new life. I thought she's going to die.

4. Echo gets to shine.

5. Omega causing chaos and leading the kids out of Tantiss.

6. Prison breakout like Narkina 5 situation

7. Omega hugs Crosshair.

8. Hunter, Wrecker, Crosshair, Omega and Echo survive (as predicted)

9. GILF Hunter

10. The epilogue is good - bittersweet to see Omega has grown up and chose to join the Rebellion.

But I have many issues about it:

1. Tech is actually gone... I can't believe that the crew dragged us with false hope. It is so cruel. Tech deserves a good ending!

2. There is a lack of mourning and paying tribute to Tech. He's only remember for his usefulness and intelligence, not as a loving brother. This is hurtful for the ND community.

3. The whole CX-2 identity - it turns out he's a nobody... but why so much focus on him and why so many clues pointed him to Tech? I suspect that CX-2 was supposed to be Tech, but something happened behind the scenes and changed it, but they didn't change the script. It's like they want to satisfy both Tech is Alive truthers and non Tech is Alive people - and they fail both of us.

4. What is going to happen to the Force-sensitive kids? We saw Echo and Emerie brought them on a shuttle and probably went to Pantora to meet Riyo Chuchi. I think they are later sent to Naboo (where Kelleran Beq hid Grogu?)

5. Scorch's death. I was 50/50 for his death, but I really wish they could have kept him alive.

6. Crosshair's hand gets cut off. I know people say that by losing his hand, Crosshair is forced to face his trauma. His arm was trembling, without his shooting hand, and using an unfamiliar blaster. He took a deep breath and took a leap of faith, and made the shot to save Omega. Of course, the mental trauma still remains but at least he now have the space to heal on Pabu. However, they glossed over him still dealing with trauma after returning to Pabu. I don't like that.

7. The memes and "jokes" about Crosshair losing his hand, saying "now he has lost his hand, he doesn't have to deal with his hand shaking anymore!" I struggle with anxiety and depression, and my hand was shaking before and during the finale watch - the episode was anxiety driven to me. I find the scene was giving the message "if you want to solve your anxiety, then cut off your problems!" I can't cut off my problems, and that is just ignoring the problem... it's not healing... It's made worse when I found out the Kiners made a cryptic tweet about a chef chopping off a fish's head and it was referring to Crosshair losing his hand... and they thought it was funny. I lost respect on them.

8. The CX Troopers are basically Knights of Ren - they look cool but quickly disposed of. I hate that.

9. The time jump only made me wonder what was Echo's fate. Since the Clone Rebellion didn't work, I assumed the worst that Echo died for his brothers... and if that's the case, the Bad Batch never mentioned him, as if he didn't matter to them! I also assumed Emerie died as well.

10. I already knew anything about Cody and Wolffe would be left for another series.

11. I can't believe we didn't see GILF Wrecker and Crosshair. They all three should be there to bid farewell to her.

12. Batcher became Hunter's dog... she was more of Crosshair's therapy dog...

13. I hate that they didn't explain much about Project Necromancer - the casual viewers would be so confused.

14. Corbett and Rau still played around Omega's M-Count as a mystery box even in the interviews after the finale. She is NOT Force-sensitive - it's just her blood can accept Force-sensitive blood and retain its M-Count, so it's useful to create Force-sensitive clones. They play around for too long and many people are left confused why Omega never used the Force on the Zillo Beast. I want them to confirm a "no!"

15. The Zillo Beast just left... so why the Empire needed to clone a Zillo Beast?

16. Corbett and Rau said that CX-2 was a mirror of Crosshair, then why it was Hunter who killed CX-2 instead?

17. Some Wrecker girlies feel that Wrecker is treated as a tool for his strength like Tech is treated as a tool for his intelligence. Yeah, it's messed up.

18. I find it a bit sad that Hunter, Omega, Crosshair and Wrecker just choose to settle down on Pabu when the Empire is still expanding its power.

19. They should cut off Fennec and Ventress episodes - they serve nothing to the plot.

20. So many loose threads - Why the Kaminoans created female clones? Did Crosshair really remove his inhibitor chip?

21. I don't like Hunter only has tunnel vision on Omega.

22. Omega didn't even use her energy crossbow! She didn't even bring it in the epilogue! What was the point?!

23. Rex, Gregor and Howzer are not even in the finale! Well, at least Howzer lives.

24. Crosshair saying "Clone Force 99 died with Tech". It sounds like he resents Tech and his family... which is out of character.

To be honest, I was numb about the ending. Something was off, and I could feel it. The more I process it, the more dissatisfied I feel about the ending. I have broken down crying not because I didn't get what I want, but more like I felt betrayed by the writers.

To me, the Bad Batch is about celebrating inclusivity and diversity - that we can be true to ourselves. This series has given me hope for the future that we can love ourselves and others for who they are. This dream seems impossible based on my real-life experiences, but the Bad Batch keeps me safe and nurtures my dream. Seeing the fanarts, fanfictions and headcanons have given me more hope for the future despite all the obstacles ahead. That is why I write so many Bad Batch analyses because I want to share my knowledge and findings to many people, hoping that they can understand the powerful messages from these stories that may change their lives.

I appreciate each Bad Batch member, and I can see myself in them. I want my analyses to assure other people that they are loved for who they are. I even finished the Clone Wars arc analysis hours before the series finale, because I thought that the finale would have parallels with the Clone Wars episodes. After all, the title is "The Cavalry Has Arrived", which is said by Wrecker in the Clone Wars arc. Alas, I don't feel like we have gotten that...

After some discussions and analyses, I feel that season 3 has done a disservice to the Bad Batch, and Omega is the only main character who benefits all. No hate to her, but I just wish the rest of the Bad Batch are given the same respect they deserve. The Bad Batch is an idea of George Lucas that Dave Filoni later brings them to life for Clone Wars before cancellation. I feel that Disney only prioritize characters made under the Disney Star Wars banner, and that's Omega. No hate to her. The series finale feels like Disney has disrespected the last of George Lucas' works, because I couldn't comprehend what valuable life lessons from all of these.

Moreover, to see the crew dragging us with false hope, making jokes about Tech's sacrifice and that he lives, joking about Crosshair losing his hand, remembering Tech only for his usefulness and intelligence, giving Hunter tunnel vision of Omega, sidelining Wrecker and Echo, and ruining Crosshair's character arc in the last two episodes (actually I feel that except Omega, the rest of the Bad Batch suffer from character assassination)... It feels that they never cared about us. It's like my dreams and hopes for a better future where everyone can be true to themselves have been shattered… The Bad Batch is all about celebrating inclusivity, and the crew ruined it.

Besides breaking down to tears about the constant reminder that nobody cares about my anxiety attacks, the whole talk of Tech only being remembered of his usefulness and intelligence opened wounds in my heart. Growing up, my family used my excellent grades to boost their image. My father used my grades and talents to boost how he was a great father when in fact he was rarely present in my childhood. When I was around 24, I learned from my aunt that if I wasn't smart or talented, my father would never recognized me as his child. This realization shattered my worldview and that's how I ended up in a dark place. I was there for more than a year until my epiphany about the Bad Batch pulled me out there. My father did apologize for his actions and want to make amends.

Yet... I am back in the dark place once more because of season 3... and it's been a year since I am out of the dark place... it feel worse than "Plan 99" because I felt that everything I have worked on, with my tears, sleepless nights and heavy research... has come to mean nothing... my mental struggles mean nothing... and it seems life means nothing... it's only hopelessness and the cruel, harsh reality...

Star Wars is about hope. It is a modern-day myth that George Lucas uses to uplift people's spirits. But why do I feel so... numb, empty and betrayed?

I will still stay around the Bad Batch fandom, since I always enjoy the fanfictions, fanarts, fan comics and headcanons, and I prefer them over the actual series. I will eventually write my season 3 analysis, but I still have to process it. For now, at least I make the right choice for my OC to be a Jedi, so I am going to do a "fix-it canon" then.

Will I be able to leave my dark place? Someday, yes. I believe that because Tech says, "we will find a way, like we always do." Although my wounds may take a long time to heal, I will still keep fighting. I know that I must never give up hope. I must keep fighting for that dream, no matter how impossible it seems.

#the bad batch #tbb #the bad batch spoilers #tbb spoilers #tbb s3 spoilers #the bad batch season 3 spoilers #sorry for a very long rant #i desperately need it #so i can focus on my assignments now

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