#emotional abuse ment

[lorelei-system]

I hate how they demonized attention-seeking behavior, as if it somehow makes you bad to need attention, especially as a child.

I’ve had fantasies of bad things happening to me and those closest to me, and getting attention, pity, and love because of it, for most of my life. Is this normal? No. Does it mean I am a bad person who actually wants bad things to happen to the people I love? No. Does it make me self-absorbed to crave attention that badly? No.

There’s always a reason that people do things “just for attention”. And it is rarely what people think it is.

I grew up feeling so guilty for doing things for attention, and ended up not getting the attention and help I needed because of that guilt.

Self harm is a good example of something that is often said to be done “just for attention”. And you know what? Yes, I have hurt myself for attention. And nobody understood why I would do something like that to myself.

But when you are so desperate for someone to see you, to hear you, to help you, that you would literally die to get someone to show they care, it makes a lot more sense.

Let’s try to be more understanding about attention-seeking behavior. Let’s see it for what it is: a legitimate call for help. Not a sign of self-centeredness.

[jokerislandgirl32]

TW for discussion of abusive relationship, abuse, BPD, and breakdown. I’ll probably delete this, but this is in response to the post I made during my panic attack earlier today.

The thing about being in an abusive relationship (from my experience) is that you have to be perfect for them. If you are not perfect you suffer the consequences. I was abused emotionally, verbally, and in other unsavory ways when I wasn’t perfect for my ex. When I made mistakes, even mistakes that were not my fault, mistakes he constructed in his mind as true, even when there was no validity to them, I faced the consequences.

Things like that change you, you never recover fully. You are conditioned to be perfect, to not make mistakes, because if you do you’ll suffer for it, And when things happened that are out of your control, that are caused by oversights by others, and you are still blamed for it….it brings you right back to that place, every threat, every mind warping word, every unwanted touch, it’s all there. I had a panic attack today because of someone else’s mistake: I was blamed for it. I cried for 3 hours. I’m still in a terrible state. And all I can see and think and hear was and is him.

[thestarsandskyaboveus]

hunter wittebane-noceda - general hcs.

this man loves physical touch (not that kind y'all nasty mfs)- hand-holding, hugs, shoulder pats, etc. he's touch-starved as hell. he'll probably cry on you if you hug him, but only if he's well-rested enough not to fall asleep instantly.

hugs from people he trusts are really the only way he feels safe... even when he's by himself, he's always on edge. it feels good to know somebody has his back.

that's probably why he's so tired all the time tbh. never been well-rested a day in his life because he just doesn't feel safe enough to let himself relax. dude probably has muscle knots for days.

became the golden guard at thirteen. his hands were very badly scarred on his first mission (like in the moringmark comic) when he had to dig his troop of scouts out from underneath a landslide. he ended up with bad nerve damage from the cold of the mountains, and his hands still shake pretty badly, even when he tries really hard to hold them still. he wears compression gloves to help combat this.

never been in a relationship and never had any friends. the closest thing he ever had to a friend was steve, and the age gap was frickin' enormous, so they never really connected in the same way as hunter would have connected with others his age. still, he sees steve like a big brother and a friend at the same time. steve is fond of hunter in the way a teacher is fond of a pupil, but definitely has no idea how much hunter worships and looks up to him as a person, and he definitely has no idea hunter has never experience any sort of love or affection before.

has legitimately no idea that what he went through with belos was abuse. thinks that he deserved every scar, every bruise, every injury, because he thinks that's just what parental figures do when you fuck up.

has panic attacks over seemingly very small things, and experiences deeply traumatic flashbacks if/when he has to walk through the palace again later in life. even though the flashbacks aren't necessarily noticeable to the people around him, he does have to find an excuse to leave so he has a chance to recompose himself in private.

probably has a mild eating disorder. comes from a similar place to his lack of sleep (aside from not being able to relax) where he has this idea in his head that he needs to be able to survive off of as little as possible and take up as little space/resources as possible.

[2hiit]

hello again, dashboard.

my name is jenga, and you might recognize me from @2hiit, @mikucaptor, @spellbookbindings, @oberonnie, @goodnatured, @uzufoxy, and @autochaton. if you do, you may have also noticed my various absences from the tumblrsphere in the last year or so. although i've been trying to stay as uninvolved from this as i can, i've reached my breaking point. this is in part due to the newest of the false allegations sunnie has lobbied against me, and in part due to the health of my wife, who was supposed to be wearing a heart monitor this month to track some irregular beating, but whose results have most definitely been skewed due to the repeated stress sunnie has been putting our family through this past week. 

this post will include every shred of evidence i have against sunnie (@sunniehub), with the hope that once i've said everything i can, i never have to address this again. i deserve peace. my family deserves peace. i have been forced to accept we will not get any if i continue to just wait for this to blow over.

sunnie runs the following blogs: 

sunniehub / carcins  / softdweller / 8ad / goresports / paiinball / w2f / stuckyfanfiction / w33dgod69 / diqqiebitch / hissassin / dowwn / eredan / hotdoxxed / apedshit / acabemy / mistaklen 

xe has been relentlessly block evading and stalking my various blogs, as well as attempting to tarnish my online reputation beyond repair with false accusations in an effort to drive me off of this site. i have been dealing with sunnie and xer inexcusable behavior ever since i blocked xem on january 2nd, 2023 for the sake of my mental health. i made a response post once before addressing these false allegations against me, but i now realize that will no longer be sufficient, as sunnie seems to be content with making up new and worse accusations when the previous ones fail to stick.

content warnings for this document include: mentions of r/pe, mentions of CSA, stalking, harassment, emotional abuse, gaslighting, guilt tripping, suicidal thoughts, and mentions of transphobia. there are also descriptions of physical stalking, as well as graphic descriptions of violence, but these things are warned for before they occur, and are skippable if need be.

over the course of THIS DOCUMENT, i’ll be showing you chat logs, screenshots, and data supporting the claims i’ve made about sunnie, as well as offering you some context as to how this situation came to be. this is quite an extensive log and i'm aware it may be hard to follow, and some of you may want to skip to the parts that are most striking to you. i have taken the liberty to include an outline in the sidebar for the ease of moving around the document at your own pace, and i’ll be using formatting to make it as neurodivergent friendly as i possibly can. please bear with me.

i truly believe sunnie is a danger to this community, most especially those xe interacts with on a regular basis, just like i once did.

[as a disclaimer: while i have censored sunnie's previous name, i will not be altering any outdated pronouns as they appear in our chat logs. this is to maintain the integrity of the logs and readability. i no longer use xer former pronouns or name, and there are plenty of people who can vouch for this fact.]

i will be temporarily disabling anonymous asks, because i will not be addressing this matter publicly any longer. when i do eventually re-able them, any asks pertaining to this post, or the events this post addresses, will be promptly deleted. replies, reblogs, and DMs are fine, but otherwise, i am considering this matter closed until further notice.

furthermore, i do not want to see any commentary, speculation, or prodding for details whatsoever regarding the individuals in this document whose identities i have censored. this is a stalking accusation. they are censored for their protection.

they are not the focus of this document, sunnie is.

[pespillo]

us demons as instruments, could you play me a lullaby?

[ddlc3177]

[stillfrownyclownlol]

Another thing frustrating about being abused is just how complex your abusers feelings are towards you. (Just in my experience) abusers "care" about you at such an extreme level that it becomes detrimental to you. Or abusers that had good intentions. Or abusers you had a good relationship with sometimes. People tell me I have to hate and despise my abuser when I just. Can't. Not when sometimes they were the only person there for me. Or stopped me from committing suicide or cutting myself. Or encouraged me to follow my dreams/hobbies. I have no doubt most of my abusers loved me, even if it was in a twisted and fucked up way.

It's hard when you have to see everything in black and white when all you can see are shades of grey.

[returnedfromthepurge]

I still remember.

I remember when I couldn't even stand people talking about the problems they had with their children on a radio show because I was so overloaded with stress about the 20+ children at the daycare I was parenting*. (* What daycare is these days.) I would legitimately get so angry and turn it off for the rest of the ride because I didn't want to hear anything anymore. And I had an hour drive to get home.

I would lay down for sleep and try to do my nightly routines and my mind would play back any sound I'd heard that day, their screaming, the tiny voices shouting my name and their whining. I'd try to do things for stress relief, and needed headphones to separate my mind, to avoid replaying the songs in my head that had to be played all day, because stereo player silence was not looked positively on by management or auditors.

I remember being so sick of the mascots and insisting to the children that they were real, and these characters were the reason for art and music and why we study them. I felt like I was experiencing Corporate Hell and brainwashing three year olds to talk to a plastic sticker on the wall of a mascot when I didn't have time to interact with them. We were encouraged to use that tactic often, when a child would come to us to interrupt, not knowing better of patience.

The main mascot was used as a moral guidepost, however vague.

Everything below the cut is what the tags are about.

I had a parent who told me he was surprised his five year old son was still dressed when he came to pick him up- because at his old daycare, they left him undress whenever.

I never had stress like the day I reported to CPS about a child who'd did and said things that no one his age group should even know about. That child knew evil and it was present in his eyes. I have never wanted violence so desperately, to kill what he had been made into before he got to hurt more people. I wanted to kill a five year old boy and the human creature that turned him into this .His family could die too, the entire bloodline as far as I was concerned. I wanted the satisfaction that I could not have years ago, to kill the one that had possessed someone I'd loved and adored years ago, that was now infested in this child that I could see perfect dullness in his dead eyes. They had no life in them, and I wanted to be the one to be the one who stopped the flow of blood to his diseased mind. I saved many young minds from trauma by resisting that urge in front of them. He was transferred by his parents to a different school.

The day I vented about it to my friend, I was so distracted talking to the phone in the passenger seat, I rear ended someone, and wrecked my vehicle so badly it was undrivable. Everyone was uninjured. It was ruled an accident due to the slick roads. I still think that pickup driver was texting at a green light.

Weeks before I decided I would quit, I sat out beside a large bush next to a fast food place, and tears escaped before I knew why they were coming. I laid in the dirt until it was time to go clock in. A week before, I had had a panic attack terrible enough to take myself to the hospital, afraid what I would do if given the chance to run into traffic .

I bought myself a new shirt on the first day after the hospital, because I was told to be around people, for my own safety. For the days I took to recover, I bought myself a print of that one Louis Wainwright painting , " I am happy because everyone loves me." and framed it a month later.

I don't know that I'm strong enough anymore to handle having children of my own. I think I might be the best example of a person who should not have any. I think I'll be surgically sterilized as soon as possible.

I'm better now. I very truly love the job I'm at. But I know my limits more intimately than I ever thought I could. And I'm never putting myself in a situation again where I'm doing the emotional labor for parents and employers who throw money and gifts at me.

[that-punk-adam]

Today’s discovery: my mom is a Zionist and her abusive/uncompassionate protective veil is failing ✨ I feel so seen. I feel heard. She finally said OUT LOUD that she was told she needs to listen more and have some compassion. Casually but she said it out loud. Someone finally said the muted part out loud, louder then whatever volumes I could ever reach.

[morningstar-chronicles]

I love your mcs! Next question: do you have anything written for their stories you want to share like a sneak peak,,, if not then wanna spoil a big emotional moment they have? I like spoilers

(i got a little excited answering this ask i'm so sorry in advance)

also sorry in advance for the many, many tws and cws i did NOT realise how dark my writing was???

YES what if i just start posting random scenes for you guys. what if i did that. okay i would love to post the entire first chapter but it turns out i didn't finish that sooooo have spoily spoiler instead... unfortunately it does not hit as hard without the context of the rest of the story, so i'll give a bit of contextualization first

morgan (they/them) has spent almost their entire life with only like... two friends, and one of then had been their sister, jill (she/her). jill is in the same year, so morgan, jill, and their mutual best friend mateo (he/him) have pretty much grown up together. during grades 1-5 (ages 5ish to 11ish for all my non-north american friends) morgan makes a friend named joel (he/him). they're close for a bit, but then in fifth grade some stuff changes and eventually they're not even on speaking terms anymore. coincidentally, jayden moved to the school and befriended joel around the same time. consequently, morgan blames him for "stealing" joel.

around 9th grade morgan realises that mateo is lowkey abusing/grooming and isolating them from all of their peers, so they cut ties with him. their sister does not, which they are understandably resentful over.

(also side tangents but i'm gonna put tws in the foreword of my books... i think everyone should do that tbh. it would make consuming content a lot more accesible imo. this has nothing to do with the ask i just thought of that while i was tagging)

anyway, up until this scene, morgan was under the impression that jayden had gang-raped someone with his entire friend group. this turns out to be something mateo made up about jayden to get morgan to stay away from him.

don't lie about rape kids. i absolutely should not have to be the one to tell you that. but i will. because apparently some people just fuck around and do it anyway (not to get personally upset online but like i said... an unfortunate amount of these events were real things that happened to or around me as a child.)

okay here's the actual scene 💀:

“I don’t understand what I did to you!” I shouted. I could feel tears pricking at my eyes and the only thought it my head was God, this is so fucking embarrassing. “And- and I keep trying to make it better, but you won’t let me! And that would be fine if I at least knew what I was being fucking shunned for-”

“How could you possibly not know?” they demanded angrily. “Everyone knew! Mateo told me-!”

And then they stopped. Their eyes glazed over. Tears gathered at the corners of their eyes, and they started laughing.

Laughing.

“Ha. Haha. Hahaha.”

It started slow at first, but then they just kept laughing until they were in full-out hysterics, laughing and crying. Their knees buckled, and suddenly they were sitting on the ground, right in the goddamn snowbank. I hated them for a minute, because I was supposed to be angry, but all I could feel in that moment was concern.

“What?” I demanded, legitimately scared. “What did Mateo tell you I did?”

They had both hands over their mouth, either to keep from sobbing or to stop laughing. I think they were scaring themself as much as they were scaring me. Then, they said something I’ll never forget.

“It doesn’t matter. Not a word he ever said was true.”

[oflostinfound]

Wrapping their arms around them, Ekira says nothing as they embrace Hax in the tightest hug they can give.

As first they just freeze, their body stuck between trying to choose a fight or flight response to the sudden contact. To the point where they just begin shaking, hands trembling as wide and wild eyes stare into the air behind Ekria as they embrace them.

A sharp inhale, and it all comes crashing down. Whatever mimicry they had left in them used up in one single, sharp, gasping sob. Hands curl into Ekira's shirt as the bury their eyes in their shoulder, clinging to them so tight they feared they might accidentally break the goatling bard. Yet they couldn't bring themself to loosen their embrace on Ekira.

They had almost lost everything, were about to be taken away from everything, everyone, they loved and cared for. And to do what? To serve their family as some sort of guard dog? As an unwilling mindless muscle-for-hire? Forced to follow any and every command their family would ask of them.

Their own family- their own mother was willing to turn them into a near-literal puppet if it served her well enough. If it "benefited the family".

It made them sick, it made them want to throw up. Or maybe that was just because of the force of which they were sobbing. The fact that they had even hoped to one day become something worth of her respect, to impress her-- they couldn't help but feel so stupid for wanting such praise.

Tears stain Ekira's shirt, mixed with makeup and whatever other fluids had left their mouth or nose as they screamed silently. As they let it out, as they unwillingly relive the torment they were just put through. It was still so fresh in their mind, so recent. They couldn't bring themself to think of anything else no matter how hard they tried. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt, they just wanted it all to stop.

They get their wish, willing or not, as they eventually pass out on the goatling mid sob. Slumping in their arms and their thoughts are finally silenced. At least for now.

[eurosleazarchive]

if you wanna know the kind of dickhead tommy is, don't forget he told sadie that he loved her and would take care of her only to then psychologically manipulate her into believing nothing she ever did was good enough for anyone and that she should be lucky a man like him loved her-- after all, she was made to believe nobody could. you know, because she's the worst person to exist and deserved everything bad that ever happened to her and that thomas could make her the wife she could be. if he thought it didn't work, then sadie would be wearing clothes that covered more of her body for a little while.

it really fucks her up that she thinks she really was stupid and an awful wife. she's really internalized that she deserves bad things because she's a bad person and-- she's not. she purposefully tries to be good but it's so hard when she's rarely if ever getting that goodness back. she's happy with what she's cultivated online, but that's only superficial. sadie doesn't believe that she can really connect with someone because she's so detached from the world. how, realistically, is she supposed to be happy when the world is actively hostile to her?

she's tired and she's lonely and goddamn it, she wants someone to see and love her, bad parts and all. maybe she's too old for all that now. maybe she missed that gap of time or that certain milestone. maybe what tommy said was right.

[pain-is-my-game]

WDYM constantly wanting to be in control isn't healthy. I'm in the prime of my youth. That's just my inner dom wanting to shine. It's called micromanaging? Hmm....I don't think that's it.

[lcfthaunted]

The way mazie reacts to violence fascinates me. When she's in love with someone, she hates it–she's not the kind of girlfriend to sit ringside. Part of it is she doesn't want to see her objet d'amour hurt, but also, it frightens her. There is a small part of her perpetually afraid of that violence being turned on her again. However, if she's not in love with the other actor, then she thrills in it. She likes to see her pawns play, likes to see what they're capable of. Even if that violence is directed at her, it's a game to her, finding out how far she can push—and she knows her body is her main currency, and no one would damage her to the point of lowering her value, so to speak.

[victim-or-survivor]

today would have been mine and my (emotionally abusive) ex's three year anniversary. i felt a bit nostalgic and started scrolling through our pictures together and it's... jarring? to be able to look at quite literally every single one and be able to recall the fight we had the day before or after the picture was taken, sometimes even on the day of. and it's like. what was it all for? what was i fighting for? something i very clearly was never going to win. and i'm just so happy that i got tired of the fighting and stopped engaging

[ddlc3177]

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