#especially in highschool when they don’t have those horrible

[greekmythcomix]

How I teach the Iliad in highschool:

I’ve taught the Iliad for over a decade, I’m literally a teacher, and I can even spell ‘Iliad’, and yet my first instinct when reading someone’s opinions about it is not to drop a comment explaining what it is, who ‘wrote’ it, and what that person’s intention truly was.

Agh. <the state of Twitter>

The first thing I do when I am teaching the Iliad is talk about what we know, what we think we know, and what we don’t know about Homer:

We know -

- 0

We think we know -

- the name Homer is a person, possibly male, possibly blind, possibly from Ionia, c.8th/9th C BCE.

- composed the Iliad and Odyssey and Hymns

We don’t know -

- if ‘Homer’ was a real person or a word meaning singer/teller of these stories

- which poem came first

- whether the more historical-sounding events of these stories actually happened, though there is evidence for a similar, much shorter, siege at Troy.

And then I get out a timeline, with suggested dates for the ‘Trojan war’ and Iliad and Odyssey’s estimated composition date and point out the 500ish years between those dates. And then I ask my class to name an event that happened 500 years ago.

They normally can’t or they say ‘Camelot’, because my students are 13-15yo and I’ve sprung this on them. Then I point out the Spanish Armada and Qu. Elizabeth I and Shakespeare were around then. And then I ask how they know about these things, and we talk about historical record.

And how if you don’t have historical record to know the past, you’re relying on shared memory, and how that’s communicated through oral tradition, and how oral tradition can serve a second purpose of entertainment, and how entertainment needs exciting characteristics.

And we list the features of the epic poems of the Iliad and Odyssey: gods, monsters, heroes, massive wars, duels to the death, detailed descriptions of what armour everyone is wearing as they put it on. (Kind of like a Marvel movie in fact.)

And then we look at how long the poems are and think about how they might have been communicated: over several days, when people would have had time to listen, so at a long festival perhaps, when they’re not working. As a diversion.

And then I tell them my old and possibly a bit tortured simile of ‘The Pearl of Myth’:

(Here’s a video of The Pearl of Myth with me talking it through in a calming voice: https://youtu.be/YEqFIibMEyo?sub_confirmation=1

And after all that, I hand a student at the front a secret sentence written on a piece of paper, and ask them to whisper it to the person next to them, and for that person to whisper it to the next, and so on. You’ve all played that game.

And of course the sentence is always rather different at the end than it was at the start, especially if it had Proper nouns in it (which tend to come out mangled). And someone’s often purposely changed it, ‘to be funny’.

And we talk about how this is a very loose metaphor for how stories and memory can change over time, and even historical record if it’s not copied correctly (I used to sidebar them about how and why Boudicca used to be known as ‘Boadicea’ but they just know the former now, because Horrible Histories exists and is awesome)

And after all that, I remind them that what we’re about to read has been translated from Ancient Greek, which was not exactly the language it was first written down in, and now we’re reading it in English.

And that’s how my teenaged students know NOT TO TAKE THE ILIAD AS FACT.

(And then we read the Iliad)

[fatkish]

Could you do a Aizawa x suicidal daughter please?Sorry if this is too dark but I’ve seen some of your other works about stuff like this and it makes me feel seen I guess thanks :)

(Sorry Anon, I know that you specifically asked for an x daughter reader, but I feel that this is a topic that happens to a lot of people so I decided that I would make it Gender Neutral since everyone could used a little Dadzawa every now and then. If you want me to make one specifically for a Dadzawa x Daughter Reader then I’ll do that.)

Father Aizawa x Suicidal Reader

If I was Happy

TRIGGER WARNING: The following contains mentions of suicide ideation, self harming thoughts and feelings and other potentially triggering things. Please be advised and refrain from reading if this will trigger you.

You hadn’t always struggled with these kind of thoughts and feelings, or maybe you did. Maybe you had these thoughts before, but it had felt like so long, you couldn’t remember a time when you didn’t feel this way.

You didn’t understand why you felt so horrible about yourself or when it started but you knew that originally, you didn’t think this way about yourself.

As these horrible thoughts ran rampant in your mind, thoughts of how you’re worthless, maybe you’re fat or you’re too skinny. Maybe you’re ugly or you have acne. Maybe your nose just doesn’t fit your face, or you have oily or greasy hair that you just can’t get rid of. Maybe you heard people who made fun of you and their words made you bully yourself worse than they did. Maybe you hated everything about yourself and you couldn’t take it anymore. Or maybe the state of the world was too depressing and you didn’t want to be a part of it. Whatever the case is, your world grew darker as you turned on yourself. You became your own worse critic. But still, you didn’t let anyone see the truth, especially your amazing dad.

And maybe that’s when you finally got the idea. The thought that maybe you should die.

You couldn’t remember when the last time was that you didn’t have these thoughts. It’s like a demon came inside of you and decided to poison you, making you hate yourself and everything that you were.

It hurts. It hurts to live like this. People can say things like, it’s selfish to kill yourself. Or killing yourself isn’t the solution. That you’re only hurting the ones that love you, but if those people really loved you, then wouldn’t they want your suffering to end? Why would the people that love you want you to suffer? Aren’t they the ones being selfish? You wouldn’t force an animal that’s in pain and has little to no quality of life to continue living just because you love them. Right? That’s inhumane. So why must you keep living if you don’t have any quality of life?

These were the kind of thoughts that plagued you late at night. You tried your hardest to live on and not let anyone know that you were suffering, especially your dad.

Your dad was amazing. He’s the best father you could ask for. Maybe he isn’t perfect, but you never once doubted his love for you. You knew that one of his best friends had died when he was in highschool. You know that it severely affected him. He might not be the most affectionate person in the world, but he doesn’t have to be. His eyes and smile say it all.

One night, you couldn’t take the thoughts anymore. You decided that you would write a letter and explain to your dad why you killed yourself and tell him is wasn’t his fault. You loved him so much, he’s always been there for you. But you know how stressful his life is and you just can’t fight off the part of you that believes you’re a burden to him. Your dad doesn’t need anymore stress especially from you. So you write a note and decided to do something special for him. You wrote, played and recorded a song for him.

(Play song above or play on YouTube)

Dear God, please, hear me out

I know it's been a couple years

Since I've reached out and said hello

I bet You're wondering

Why I keep

Obsessing on and stressing all the little things

When I should be

Living life and soaking up the memories

I know I've been selfish, I have

No excuse to give you, it's true

Hanging by a thread's how I live

I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable

Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem

Go up in flames, acting like I don't

Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully

That that's the furthest thing from how I

Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya

To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in

The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who

Who I'd be if I was happy

As you played the song and sang, you didn’t know that your dad had come home. He knew that you had been learning to play instruments from Hizashi but he didn’t realize you were this good. He started to walk up the stairs and as he listened to the lyrics, his heart began to hurt, as he wondered why you sang this particular song, and with such emotion too.

Yeah, been this way so long

It feels like something's off when I'm not depressed

I got some issues that I won't address

I got some baggage I ain't opened yet

I got some demons I should put to rest

I got some traumas that I can't forget

I got some phone calls I been avoiding

Some family members I don't really connect with

Some things I said I wish I would of not let slip

Some hurtful words that never should of left my lips

Some bridges burned, I'm not ready to rebuild yet

Some insecurities I haven't dealt with, yes

I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lonely soul

And the last to admit I need a hand to hold

Losing hope, headed down a dangerous road

Strange, I know, but I feel most at home when I'm

Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem

Go up in flames acting, like I don't

Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully

That that's the furthest thing from how I

Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya

To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in

The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who

Who I'd be if I was happy

Your dad listed outside your door as he took in the words and began to worry and hope that you were just going through an edgy phase but with his experience, and his gut, he knew that is wasn’t just a trivial thing.

Don't know what's around the bend

Don't know what my future is

But I can't keep on living in

Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem

Go up in flames acting, like I don't

Care what anyone else thinks, when I know truthfully

That that's the furthest thing from how I

Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya

To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in

The truth is, I need help, but I just can't imagine who

Who I'd be if I was happy

If I was happy

If I was happy

As you put down the guitar and walked up to the recording device you spoke.

“Dad, I know that you’re probably upset… no… you’re definitely upset and I’m sorry for causing you this pain, but I just couldn’t keep living like this. The pain is never ending and I don’t think it ever will. You’ve been so great to me all these years and I love you so much… I … I’m sorry. I know it hurts and I don’t ever want you to blame yourself for what I chose to do. I’m sorry I hurt you and you don’t ever have to forgive me for taking my own life, I know I won’t forgive myself for the pain it’s causing you. There wasn’t anything you could have done to prevent this… I love you… and I always will…”

You couldn’t continue as your tears overflowed and you couldn’t stop yourself from crying. As you fell to the floor with your face in your hands a pair of strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you into a strong chest. Through your crying you could hear the crying of another person, and through your tears you saw the familiar black shirt and white capture scarf that belonged to your dad.

As you cried you wrapped your arms around your dad and continued to cry into his shoulder. He pulled you into his lap and cradled you in his arms as he held you tightly, afraid to let you go.

“I’m so sorry that you feel this way but please don’t do anything drastic, please. Baby I love you so much and I don’t know what I would do if I lost you. You mean everything to me and you’re the reason I come home every day. You’re my world and my everything. So please… please… don’t kill yourself or hurt yourself anymore. I don’t think my heart could take it”

Aizawa cried as he spoke softly into your hair as he held you. He remembered the day he first met you in the hospital. Your tiny newborn body was so small, your little hand could barely wrap itself around his pinky finger, but you held his hand for the first time. Your tiny little hand held onto his finger as tears spilled down his cheeks as he took in the sight of his newborn child. He feel in love at first sight as he held your tiny body. He vowed to protect you and be there for you no matter what.

And you opened your eyes and looked into his. You were his whole world. The only things that existed in the moment were Aizawa and his newborn child. To him, you’re everything, you’re what he fight to come home to, you’re his reason to live and survive even the most gruesome and brutal fights. He’ll never give up and he’ll always come home to you. After all, that’s the promise he made you when he first met you.

As you both pulled away and looked into each other’s teary eyes, you smiled and laughed.

“What’s so funny”

“You’ve got snot on your shoulder… I’m so sorry”

You apologized but couldn’t help but laugh at that for whatever reason. Your dad just smiled softly and wrapped his arms around you.

“You do realize I changed your diapers when you were a baby right? You puked on me, shit on me, there’s no body fluid that you haven’t already gotten on me” he smiled as you laughed even harder at the image of a younger him covered in baby vomit with a grossed out face.

As you both laughed and he told you stories of you as a baby, he remembered everything he loved about you.

“I love you sweetheart, I always will. Tomorrow, we are going to the hospital to get your mental health evaluated and whatever happens, I promise I’ll be there for you, okay”

“Okay”

You gave you dad one last hug before cleaning everything up and you decided to take a bath before bed.

Part 2:

[eundiarys]

LABYRINTH — ❪ TOMORROW X TOGETHER SMAU SERIES INSPIRED BY TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS ❫

info— hellooo welcome to my first ever series! this series will be txt socmed aus inspired by taylor swift songs, i hope u enjoy ^_^ please note that this isn’t the actual representation of the idols, and that this is merely for entertainment!

THE WAY I LOVED YOU, CHOI YEONJUN 𖦹

pairing — choi yeonjun x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — not being to get over your highschool ex even after he broke your heart is horrible. that’s understandable, especially since he was your first everything. but yn has decided that it’s time to get out of her shell and date again! lucky for her, there’s a perfect candidate for that as her company’s president son is head heels for her. but what if it doesn’t work? what if she still longs for the way he loved her? and what happens if he feels the same?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol!au academic rivals, enemies to lovers, highschool au (flashback), opposites attract, second chance romance, exes to lovers, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( ONGOING )

CRUEL SUMMER, CHOI SOOBIN 𖦹

pairing — choi soobin x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — summer when you were 17 was the best and worst time of your life, filled with memories you aren’t sure how you feel about. having a summer “fling” is fun until those feelings start to grow. and you know that summer was your favourite season before he left. now that he’s back into your life, will that change?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, she fell first he fell harder, second chance romance, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

CARDIGAN, CHOI BEOMGYU 𖦹

pairing — choi beomgyu x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — beomgyu was once your everything, and now he is simply just a memory that you want to forget. you both were young and stupid, but for some reason your heart still belongs to him. this time, you are determined change your ending with him to a happy one. but will that actually happen?

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, one sided love, second chance romance, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

ENCHANTED, KANG TAEHYUN 𖦹

pairing — kang taehyun x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — taehyun and yn was known as the inseparable duo ever since kindergarten. and now they are in college. yn also has been in love with taehyun for 7 years, and wants to move on because she knows taehyun will never look at her that way. but when yn goes on a date with a guy taehyun realises that he doesn’t like that idea. a bit too much.

genre — fluff, angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, college au, she fell first he fell harder, etc.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

YOU BELONG WITH ME, HUENING KAI 𖦹

pairing — huening kai x fem! reader.

warnings — will be added on every chapter.

extended summary — which one is more miserable? being in love with your best friend 10 years and never being able to confess because you don’t want to ruin your friendship or the fact that he’s now interested in having a relationship and wants to go on dates with people on the campus? answer is both. when yn decides to stop liking kai, her friends don’t agree with the idea. her friends and kai’s friends have decided to show kai that what he’s looking for has been here this whole time.

genre — fluff, teeny bit angst, crack, socmed, non idol! au, college au, childhood best friends to lovers.

short teaser / masterlist ( COMING SOON )

© eundiarys 2023

( please don’t copy, translate, repost on any other app, or take inspo any of my works without permission! )

jules notes 📝 FINALLY POSTING THIS!!! hope ur all excited im jumping in joy rn

IMPORTANT ‼️ — (1) first of all, im super thankful for @sakuzleaves for making the amazing banners u should all follow her and check out her works because she’s so talented 🥹 <3 (2) taglists are open by smau that is posted, no reservations or anything. (3) taglists for all smaus of this series are open. and for individual masterlist/smau that is being posted are limited to two batches only~ first come first serve i guess! (4) idk when this will start but i hope you guys are as excited as i am >3<

taglist — @zuyairus @ddenoudepression @sserafimez @ox1-lovesick @reverbtunes @vernonweb @flwoie @ja4hyvn @xiaoderrrr @galaxyhalloes @j4y-lvr @taegyuul @trsrina @fairyytyunn @r7yu @taekwondoes @pleasetellmenow @nshimura @soobin-chois @jinsquishes @sakuzleaves @bomugf @ox1-lovesick @eulris @bunnystrm @haknom @txtbrainrot @bluebearybeom @cherriegyu @snowfalltxt @boba-beom @hyeinszn @liyaliar @wonioml @lvrjjun @luvsoobs @strawbrinkofdeath @cecedrake2217 @soobswvrld @yenqa @adajoemaya @cookiehaos @captivq @captivq

[just-antithings]

The harry potter discourse annoys me

Like “the game is offensive” okay and how does harassing and suicide baiting, or assuming the worst out of people who like it, especially trans and jewish folk who like it, help?

And don’t even get me started on the people getting hate for using it to cope with their mental health problems

I’ll start with the disclaimer that harassment and suicide baiting is never okay from any side. If you see someone playing the game then simply block them because at this point if they’re playing the game and promoting it in social media then they already know about the issues and are willing to let them slide so it’s not worth engaging.

However you seem to misunderstand something here. The biggest issue isn’t that “the game is offensive” (although it certainly is). The issue is that the money is going directly toward the oppression of trans people in the UK.

The Harry Potter game isn’t the only offensive game to exist and JKR isn’t the only bigot out there. However people either don’t understand or don’t care about just how influential she is. It’s not just her spouting transphobia on twitter and writing bigotry into her stories. The money she gets from her Harry Potter properties she uses to directly fund anti-trans legislation in her country.

Were you aware that at the start of the year Scotland was set to pass a bill to help transgender people in their country? It would have incredibly eased the struggle trans people go through to transition legally and be recognized as their gender by the law. It was passed through by the Scottish Parliament! But then the UK for the first time in history used their veto power to block this law from going into practice. This is the sort of legislative decision making that your money is going to when you buy the game. Because JKR talked extensively on how against this bill she was. And JKR has outright said that she takes the continued monetary support of Harry Potter as support and agreement to her ideals and she uses that money to donate to organizations and back lawmakers and fund legislative decisions such as this.

Anti-trans sentiment is at an all time high in the UK. Shortly after the game came out there was an article about a trans girl who was murdered by two of her classmates for being trans. These were highschoolers. The rhetoric that is being spread in the UK right now is literally life or death for trans people.

I get that people have an attachment to this series from before it was clear what a horrible person the creator is. I get that some of those people struggle with their mental health or are trans or Jewish themselves. But it’s not about them being comfortable with letting it slide. It’s specifically about the trans people fighting for their lives in the UK.

It doesn’t matter how many trans people from outside the UK say they’re fine with playing the game and giving JKR money. They aren’t the ones being directly harmed by this. It’s only up to those in the UK that JKR is legally fighting against to determine where the line is drawn. And an overwhelming majority have begged people not to buy this game. To not play and promote it on social media for others to see and decide to buy.

There are so many other incredible series out there to discover and fall in love with. And even if you decide you wont do the work to separate yourself from this series, there are plenty of ways to indulge without giving money to its creator. Read or write fanfiction, draw art, start a roleplaying blog, whatever! This game is in no way a need, even for those who feel they rely on the series for their mental health. It is purely a want and buying the game is a decision that your want is more important than the fight for trans rights in the UK. If that’s your prerogative then that’s your decision to make. And while you shouldn’t be harassed for it you should know that it’s the choice your making and people have a right to lose respect for you or cut you out for it.

[patolemus]

Answers

Takeshi: Hey Hayato, what did you get for this question on the quiz?

Hayato: I can’t say.

Takeshi: Why not?

Hayato: Because the teacher uses my quiz as the answer sheet to check everyone else’s quizzes.

Takeshi: ...

[erratic-brainrot]

I think it’s weird how I’ve been a Butters fan for so long but how differently I like Butters compared to when I first watched him.

Back when I was getting into the fandom watching the early episodes and just beginning to take the show too seriously, I liked him because he was a little guy. A little baby man. And was very relatable to me in my highschool and even my elementary. He was native but very kind and kinda said horrible shit without realizing it was bad because everyone kinda didn’t think it was bad. Especially when those words reference someone of my existence, etc.

And when Butters had the wieners out thing? I was kinda genuinely scared to lose what I dubbed a comfort character. Someone I genuinely attached so many feelings to in reflection of my own existence. I didn’t mind him being ignorant or stupid. But this was the first I saw him so actually malicious on a demographic. And I was scared because I don’t think I could genuinely enjoy a butters that was bigoted in a sincere way.

But then I realized he was straight up losing it and still kind but just fucking weird. Just being like ayo fam you stupid and not being as passive? And it kinda readjusted my view point a lot more.

Till finally the covid specials came out, and tbh I think it was before that but the covid specials (all of them, notes to the vax) showed me the truth, butters was having a villain arc BEACUSE he was losing shit. And I just loved it??? Butters became sortve my favourite villain trope— and the best part? He’s not even really a villain. Just someone so on the edge of cracking all the fucking time and it’s fucking great. It doesn’t take away that he’s a caring person or likes x,y and z. It adds to the fact that he’s been learning bad lessons on how to tolerate people… the fact that people handle him better now as this kinda fucking abrasive force is so interesting.

Like this boy here has the ball to repeatedly tell kyle to stfu up and tell Kyle he doesn’t know shit about anything. Literally. Fucking. This stupid bitch I love him.

I do hope genuinely for the best regarding him learning it’s okay to be soft again and blah blah. But I just— enjoy Butters in such a complete way I think. And I don’t mind people who only like the “I’m about to snap”/“already snapped butters”— or just the past of “baby man” it’s all valid and still Butters. I still sometimes lean on that baby man vibe beacuse I do think it’s healthier— but I just… idk I enjoy it all.

Literally I just love canon butters so much, minus him being a manager when he’s older because kahakshsb idk it made me feel sad given the fact no one gave a shit pretty much. Plus I don’t trust most fast food places to be treating their employees that good for what people commonly view as a temporary job. So idk. Minus that? Canon butters vibes and butters new focus of just being ready to go ape shit is entertaining as fuck

[beom1e]

SOUL WATCH

everybody had the soul watch app, because everybody was curious to meet their soulmate. it was an app that told you when or how and gave you hints, but never who. and due to all the pressure, you downloaded the app too... just to find out you didn’t even have a soulmate after all.

PAIRING yang jungwon x gn! reader

THEMES soulmates au, highschool au, fluff, humour

matching jewellery was a trend among soulmates when it came to being a highschool student. those that had found theirs wanted to show it off, basically shoving it into the faces of those that were still searching. walking down the corridors was a constant reminder that you didn’t have a soulmate for yourself, as matched couples would walk hand-in-hand with shiny bracelets or be seen wearing those missing piece style necklaces.

mondays. after freeing yourself from the couple-filled hallways, you sat down at your desk and placed your books onto the table with a huff. trying to block out your classmate bragging about meeting their soulmate over the weekend, you noisily checked around in your bag for your pencil case.

then came the clicking of your teacher’s heels as she entered the classroom, and there was a rush of students finding their seats. the squeaking of chair legs and quiet chatter only made you more annoyed at the world. to say discovering you were soulmate-less a few weeks prior had put you in a permanent bad mood would be an understatement.

but everything lit up as soon as yang jungwon appeared in the doorway. he apologised for being late, cheeks flushed and hair windswept. heat rose to your own cheeks at the sight of his sorry smile.

much to your dismay, he was a few seats to the back and to the right of you. he disappeared from your sight, making you slump sadly in your seat.

‘today is international soulmate day,’ your teacher smiled, setting her powerpoint up behind her. ‘as you all may know. there are many types of soulmate links out there, but i want to know about yours. so research and write about it — its origin, its rarity — and hand it in at the end of class.’

not sure what to do, you raised your hand. ‘what if you don’t have a soulmate?’ at the sound of your voice, jungwon looked up from his notebook. he didn’t have a soulmate either.

‘everybody has a soulmate, y/n,’ she reminded you. ‘maybe you entered your details into soul watch incorrectly.’

‘i don’t have a soulmate either,’ jungwon spoke up. you turned in your seat. ‘so what do we do instead?’

‘this is the first time i’m hearing of people being soulmate-less,’ she chuckled awkwardly, slightly panicked. ‘well, you’re both part of the student board aren’t you? just head down to the main hall and help the others set up for the soulmate dance.’

the soulmate dance. just the thought of it made you roll your eyes. you’d never attended, because you didn’t show interest in finding out until those few weeks ago, but you knew how cheesy it was. it was like every other kind of dance, totally cliché and super boring. except, you got to bring your soulmate.

you packed up your things as quickly as possible. as horrible it would be having to decorate for a stupid highschool dance that you wouldn’t even attend, at least jungwon would be at your side. and he must’ve understood your suffering, especially during international soulmate week on international soulmate day that just happened to fall on a monday.

you slung your bag onto your shoulder and followed jungwon out of the door. he walked slightly ahead of you, holding open each door for you which you quietly thanked him for.

when you made it to the main hall, the bright pink colour palette made your eyes burn. ‘this is going to be a long week,’ jungwon sighed, dropping his bag and leaving you at the door. mentally agreeing, you placed your own bag down beside his.

you sort of felt bad for jungwon. it was depressing to know that you weren’t ‘destined’ for anyone, and that you’d have to find someone the old way. he seemed even less of a fan of soulmate week than you were, but he did seem really down about not having a soulmate of his own.

it was wednesday morning and you’d missed your bus. annoyed with yourself, you had to run to the nearest bus stop in hopes another bus would arrive soon. that was where you saw jungwon and his friends, all of them being upperclassmen.

trying not to be seen, you awkwardly leaned against the outside of the shelter and looked off to the side. ‘it’s not like i like them,’ jungwon argued, which earned a few laughs from the boys. ‘why would i ask them to the soulmate dance if we’re not soulmates?’

‘because you don’t want to spend saturday studying alone in your room?’ sunoo teased, ‘if they’re not matched, then you can ask them. no big deal.’

the bus pulled up in front of them. you waited for them to get on before following, avoiding eye contact and taking a seat at the back. ‘good morning, y/n,’ jake turned around to face you. ‘i didn’t know you take this bus.’

‘i don’t,’ you awkwardly replied. ‘i was late and missed my own bus.’

‘are you going to the dance on saturday?’ sunoo also joined in, smiling brightly at you.

‘oh, uh,’ you nervously fiddled with the straps of your bag. ‘no, i don’t have a soulmate.’

‘well, we were just telling little wonie here that you don’t need a soulmate to go,’ jay patted jungwon’s head, making the younger boy complain about him messing up his hair. ‘you could come with us.’

‘thank you...’ shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you looked between all of the boys who were staring eagerly at you. ‘for the offer... but i don’t want to go. it means a lot, i just don’t do school dances.’

the bus conversation was probably the most awkward thing that happened to you that day. or during lunch time, when you took a seat on a bench facing the sports field. there was jungwon once again, playing around with the same friends. you watched as jake gave up on running around and collapsed to the floor, with everyone mirroring his actions seconds later.

you’d always had a crush on jungwon. he was always so sweet and polite, with the perfect balance between humour and seriousness. you saw him as someone you could easily rely on and trust, despite never being close to him. his cheeks always had this natural blush and his laugh was addictive, and he looked so serious whenever he was concentrating. you felt your heart racing whenever he was around, but you never had the courage to confess to him.

as you got lost in your thoughts, you made eye contact with him across the field. panicked, you began packing your things away and into your bag. then you left, trying not to move too quickly so that it didn’t look suspicious.

after classes, you were called into the main hall once again. knowing today you’d have to be painting, you grabbed your change of clothes from your locker and headed into the changing rooms. coming back into the hall, you were met with jake and sunghoon covering each other in the baby pink paint.

you slipped past them and looked around for something to do. and then someone tapped on your shoulder. it was sunoo, who asked if you could help him with painting the banner. jungwon passed by you, sending you a soft smile before hurrying off towards jay. how did he seem to be everywhere?

on friday afternoon, as you were exhausted from all the decorating you’d been doing, you were so glad to be able to go home and enjoy your weekend. the whole week had been a complete disaster, and you now had a strong dislike towards the colour pink. but much to your dismay, the head of the student board asked you to attend the soulmate dance in order to keep an eye on the students. why he chose you specifically, you had no idea.

so on saturday morning, you tried your best to drag yourself out of bed. though you really didn’t want to dress up for a highschool dance, there was an outfit you had in mind. things weren’t going to change, you weren’t going to randomly get a soulmate, but you stupidly had hope things could change.

you spent most of the day considering backing out, but gave in because you didn’t want to disappoint your classmate. you arrived at the main hall an hour and a half before the event, ready to set things up.

a few students were around, moving tables to either side of the hall. a large red carpet was being rolled through the centre of the room, leading out onto the school gardens. you turned around at the sound of your name, bumping into the source. they reached for your hand, preventing you from toppling over.

a shock of electricity shot through your arm, forcing you to snatch your hand back. ‘i’m so sorry,’ the voice spoke, and much to your dismay, it was jungwon.

you felt your heart racing again, heat rising to your cheeks in an instant. ‘it’s ok,’ you reassured him. ‘it was my fault, so i’m the one that’s sorry.’

‘well,’ he smiled. ‘i guess i’ll see you around.’

honestly, you felt like an idiot. he heard loud and clear just a few days ago that you didn’t want to go to the soulmate dance, but here you were. maybe he would realise you were being forced into it, but if he didn’t, then that would be humiliating.

you shook your head to clear yourself of all the thoughts. ‘y/n,’ turning on the spot, you were met with the sight of jay coming towards you. ‘you’re looking lost. i thought you weren’t coming.’

‘change of plan,’ you simply replied. ‘i was asked to help set up some things.’

‘well, i need help carrying some things in from the truck outside,’ he offered. ‘if you’d like to help.’ nodding, you followed behind him at a distance.

the sky was clear — not a single cloud in sight — and the sun was shining brightly. the back doors of the truck were open, workers from the catering company lowering large bottles of drinks onto the ground. jay gestured towards the cluster of fruit juice bottles before grabbing one for himself.

they were heavy, but you managed. walking at jay’s side, you couldn’t think of a conversation starter to make it all a little less awkward. but thankfully, or maybe not, he spoke up first. ‘you do know that jungwon has a crush on you, right?’

the bottle fell from your grip. panicked, you reached forward to catch it again. clearly the universe was on your side in that moment, because it didn’t split.

‘uh, no,’ you forced out a laugh, feeling your entire body heat up. ‘i did not know that.’

‘he denies it,’ jay shrugged, helping you lift the heavy bottle back up from the ground. ‘but we all see the way he looks at you. after he found out you were soulmate-less too, he wanted to ask you to the dance tonight. but when you said you weren’t going, he gave up on that idea.’

what were you supposed to say to that? as you placed the bottles beside the snack table, jay pushed them under it. turning around to see jungwon on the other side of the hall, you felt yourself swallowing your words before leaving to the outside again.

but avoiding jungwon wasn’t as easy as you had hoped. he seemed to be in your line of sight at all times and in all honesty, you weren’t even sure why you were avoiding him. after all, if what jay said was true, then the feelings were mutual. still, you couldn’t shift your mind away from the shock you had felt at his touch. you thought maybe you were going crazy and had imagined it, until your phone buzzed with a notification.

leaving jay to bring in the rest of the drinks, you leaned against the exterior wall and pulled out your phone. a notification from soul watch lit up your phone, 0 days until you meet your soulmate. eyes wide, you looked around the area, hoping to see someone checking their phone in that same moment. was that even possible?

you weren’t sure what to do. search for your soulmate? or would they just come naturally to you? did this mean jay was your soulmate? it was a possibility, considering you were with him when the notification came through.

‘you coming inside?’ speak of the devil. you quickly hid you phone, putting on a fake smile and nodding. ‘people will start arriving soon.’

as soon as the hall began to fill up with people, you wished you had never came back inside. you really needed some time and space to think everything through. there was that electricity when jungwon had helped you up, but then you should’ve gotten the notification in that moment, right?

you grabbed your phone from your bag, going out into an empty corridor. sliding down the wall beside the door and pulling up the soul watch app, you searched your profile for details. but all the information it had was about your soulmate link, which happened to be a countdown. and now that the countdown was over, there were no more hints?

you were in complete disbelief, but the soulmate dance wasn’t the place to be researching this.

‘i guess you got it too,’ you looked up to see jungwon. ‘you’ve been avoiding me all day, so you must’ve.’

‘i have not been avoiding you,’ but the redness of your cheeks suggested otherwise. ‘and got what? i don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘a sudden notification that you’ve possibly met your soulmate...?’ he sat down beside you.

‘well actually,’ you could’ve laughed at how stupid you were about to sound. ‘i was avoiding you because of what jay said earlier. and i thought there was no way you could be my soulmate otherwise i would’ve received the notification after we bumped into each other.’

‘who else could possibly be your soulmate?’

‘what’s that supposed to mean?’ you turned your head to make eye contact. he quickly looked away and down at the floor, wishing he hadn’t been so bold with his last statement. jungwon was never this forward with people he wasn’t yet close to.

‘i know jay told you that i like you,’ he admitted. ‘and i’ve always known that you like me back. i just never thought to bring it up because i didn’t have a soulmate, and i thought you would have one.’

‘but you have a soulmate now,’ you reminded him, a smile lighting up your features. ‘or... however that works. do you think it has to do with us touching for the first time back then?’

‘you felt that too?!’ his eyes widened as he stared back at you. ‘i thought i was going crazy.’

‘do you want to go back inside?’ you gestured to the door into the main hall. jungwon shook his head, standing up and holding his hand out to you.

‘we could...’ he trailed off, looking behind himself at the exit. ‘or we could ditch this snooze fest and do something fun instead... like go to an arcade?’

‘sounds like a plan,’ you took his hand, letting him pull you up from the ground. he checked if the coast was clear before running towards the exit, the sound of your laughter filling the empty corridor.

[songofsongs214]

Hi friends! So ima start with saying that I know I’ve promised some meta analysis for like 2 episodes by now.. and my apologies I’m currently working three jobs technically to make ends meet (not a bad thing just a different schedule). Although during this small hiatus I might go back and do some more.

*spoilers ahead of you haven’t been able to watch yet*

But I wanted to express some thoughts I had about episode 3 of season 4.

Okay, so overall I did enjoy the episode as a whole. However, there were some parts I didn’t enjoy so I’m gonna actually start with that so I claim my bias from the beginning.

I do not enjoy Nolan and Bailey and that is coming from a Nolan fan. This actress is beautiful and a lovely person but this character has fallen completely flat for me. I haven’t seen any part of her backstory that makes her remotely interesting or causes me as a loyal viewer to be interested in learning more. Their scenes I’m not gonna lie I fast forwarded through on my second rewatch. I actually miss grace or even his ex wife (bones lover all the way).

Moving on… So Nolan and Lucy, horrible professional pairing honesty. He is reckless and still thinking he has to prove himself. And Lucy is a better officer than he is. More knowledgeable and more professionally driven. Also, even I know you don’t run into a burning building without a face mask. And the continuity issue is them not getting checked out. Smoke inhalation causes death ladies and gentleman. I mean I know that this is a fictional tv show but when I miss the slightly believable procedural aspect of this show. Also at the grenade house, Oy Nolan you forgot to call the bomb squad?! Thank goodness Lucy is back with Tim for the next couple episodes.

I miss Jackson Becuase he would have been wayyy more subtle and reasonable if he had heard grey and Tim in the locker room.

Also, wasn’t liking how Lucy was perceived in This episode in certain aspects. She is not a 15 year old girl and would have wanted the line to Tim be “man and woman” but Melissa and Eric endeared it for me. Also Nolan’s comment about her not being an adult.. umm she’s upset becuase you told her something she wouldn’t have even known about it if it weren’t for his gossip.

Okay, so now the stuff I loved. I loved the tone of the episode overall especially between partnerships. The humor was awesome. I laughed so hard at such random times. I love thorsen, him and nyla are hilarious. “That would otherwise be known as my bad” gosh I was rolling 😂. And the missing officer bit and them talking about the men in Nyla’s life. Also totally team James. His voice is deeper and is better morally.

Tim and Webb, I genuinely enjoyed their interactions. It’s typical sports talk and Tim is at ease because he has no feelings he’s sorting through.

And! Did anyone catch the foreshadowing to the Dogers tickets? Eric mentioned in a cameo Tim’s perfect date “would be a game with chen as partners not anything more becuase of the slow burn” this is gonna come back people! Mark my words

I adored the banter between Tim and Lucy and that sniper scene was great, it reminded me Slightly of the Branson apartments storyline in season 1 which was awesome production wise with the angles the music and movements.

Nolan was frustrating during this episode especially with the gossip thing reminiscent from Highschool, but it was purposeful to see how Lucy reacted to it. She was disappointed and she didn’t need to be but it did show us as the audience that she continues to value Tim’s opinion of her skill and capability.

Also, remember what Tim wrote on that evaluation ( which I’m convinced he did not submit an official copy that said he was going to miss riding with her but gave her a separate one) he misses riding with her and did think about it when grey mentioned it. But I think all those reasons Tim gave about the demotion and “something else” were his thoughts and nobody else’s.

Tim strikes me as someone who sees 8 sides of everything. So his brain short circuited Becuase He KNOWS he almost kissed her at his house. He KNOWS he checked her out at the wedding and asked her to dance which indicates she is more than a former boot. She’s a woman to him.

And that is conflicting with what Lucy called out as his his “old school code of honor” he wants to protect her reputation. He respects her as a woman and as an officer. He is looking out for her career and that’s why he’s considering all of these scenarios.

What I saw through this whole episode was that Tim was so conflicted about his feelings. He’s always cared about Lucy even when he was being an ass but he was able to put it in a box. The “I’m her training officer that’s my job.” But now she’s been to his home that he invited her too and there is an intimacy there that wasn’t there before. My guess is that both Lucy and Tim have put it in the “I was grieving and caught in a moment box” but it also awakened a feeling realization; Tim is the one most with it.

And that’s why we’re getting all these flirty challenging each other moments. There is attraction there romantically and they’re both wanting to be close to the other. The pranking and baiting and flirty banter it’s a coping for both of them to acknowledge the spark without actually doing it lol.

I’m excited to see them riding together. We get the best procedural content with them as partners and it’s good television with their chemistry.

And the thing I’ve remembered from that op on the docks from season 1 is Tim’s famous line “rules matter boot, then what the hell are you doing out here, some things matter more”.

Now maybe I’m thinking too much like a writer or creating a parallel where there isn’t one but try to track with me. I don’t believe that we’re supposed to forget any part of that sentence. The first line rules matter, was phase 1 and 2 ( aka season 1 and 2) played out consistently in their relationship. Then, during this episode Tim said what the hell when he agreed to having Lucy ride with him again. Normally, his patterns are “okay or alright ”. But he said that line instead like he’s leaning into the shift in dynamic rather than steer away. Now we’re going to see “some things matter more” play out. I can feel it.

Also, Tim calling himself a handsome boy, I burst out laughing and was like is he really getting her to admit he’s attractive? Ooo he’s got it so bad. And the tension in the squad room was delightful and Timmy boy looked so shook that he just had a moment with her in front of everybody else.

I see good things my friends but I want to agree and acknowledge the good and bad reviews of the episode because I agree with the good and bad ones for the most part. I love various perspectives so I encourage everyone to keep sharing their views and perspectives Because it’s what makes being fans so much fun to hear everybody’s opinions.

If you made it to the end of this stream on consciousness I commend you 🥂. I have not edited this much, so it might drive me nuts enough that I will go back and fix it lol.

[lcsthings]

MY OWN HEADCANONS ARE INVOLVED WITH THIS BIO, while others were taken from the movie & the book inspired by the movie that I may or may not have read in highschool. Shh. This will also just be a rough summary of what’s found on wiki, so if you want the full version.

FULL NAME: gabriel van helsing.

NICKNAME: van helsing. left hand of god. 

AGE: looks to be around early 30s.

PLACE OF BIRTH: heaven. however, he has no knowledge of this, only vague memories.

GENDER: as an angel, he had no gender. now he identifies as a male. 

RELIGION: he believes in God, though he doesn’t have any strict religion. he believes all religions have a truth to them. 

SPOKEN LANGUAGE: english and latin. he does know more languages, but

OCCUPATION: monster hunter / daily asshole.

EDUCATION: he’s never had any former education, as far as he knows. the most he remembers is waking up in a Vatican church, bleeding and lost. He does know things, though, that signify he’s been trained and educated, to an intense degree, but he doesn’t know when or where. Before he had his memory erased, he studied under several teachers, including “monks and Mulahs from Tibet to Istanbul to combat the forces of darkness”.

ABILITIES: since he is a ‘reincarnated angel’, a lot of these abilities are because of what/who he was. he’s not a normal human. 

— longevity: he’s ‘mortal’ in all aspects except aging, being resilient against all illnesses. though he recalls having fatal wounds, he’s always ‘come out of it’. gabriel always thought it was because of a miracle from god, when... it quite literally is. the only thing that might’ve killed him is when he was infected with the curse of the werewolf, as it is considered ‘evil’ in nature. — master tracker — master combatant — weaponry expert. — enhanced speed, strength, and durability. — he can usually detect ‘evil’, or when something/someone isn’t human.

EXTRAS: i don’t have a playlist or pinterest page for him yet. :c

BIO:

as an angel, Gabriel was considered the ‘left hand of god.’ he was a destructive force of nature, capable of leveling cities and bringing nations to their knees. he was considered a messenger of god. at some point, Gabriel became more and more fascinated with humans, thus chose to be reincarnated as one. he fought in many mortal battles, of which he remembers even after losing his memory. 

in the 1460s, in the service of the Knights of the Holy Order, he befriends and grows close to Count Vladislaus Dracula. However, during his service ( and for reasons still somewhat unknown ), Gabriel is forced to kill Vlad. It is said the Count was trying to resurrect a dead lover with dark magic, thus breaking a cardinal rule of both God and the Holy Order. Overcome with grief and anger, Gabriel requests that God wipe his memories.

For 400 years after, Gabriel is lost. It isn’t known what he does within this 400 years or how he loses his memory again, since he ends up on the Vatican’s steps, bloodied and without knowledge of who or what he is.

From then on, he is taken under the wing of those in the Vatican, becoming a vigilante monster hunter. he spends years saving those from horrible creatures of the night, only to be shunned and hated by daylight, chased from cities. eventually, he comes to accept this side of him, and tends to shut himself off during missions.

VERSES:

MODERN: he can fit pretty well in most modern eras, as long as it’s... fantasy oriented. i would imagine, by now, that the Vatican’s still sending people, especially Van Helsing, out fighting monsters. while he’s been around for a long time, his memory is terrible and often forgets past events, though remembers them in dreams. he’s become more of a longer, however, and tends to work by himself, often finding his own jobs. because monsters and such aren’t as rampant as they were, a lot of what he has to do has to be down on the down low as much as possible.

THE WITCHER:

DRAGON AGE:

[dnforever206]

To Love The 'Ocean'

!! Disclaimer: most of this was written at night so i apologize for any mistakes or if it doesn't make 100% sense <3 !!

Also! Lmk if you guys want a part two or just like a follow up from this <3 Info:

Word count: 4823

characters: 25337

characters without spaces: 20541

Finally, after all those horrible years of suffering, fighting and, somehow, endless drama there was peace. It was finally over, actually this time. No more mirrored dimensions, no more scary and dangerous monsters that were constantly out to kill whatever came along their path. It was almost weird how calm it suddenly was, it felt weird that they no longer had to worry about their lives and the lives of literally everyone else in Hawkins. Of course there were people they had lost along the way, people they’ll never forget, the people that sometimes gave their lives to protect or save others.

Now all there was left to do was clean up the mess that was left behind from all this.

Most of the older kids had been helping some of the people in Hawkins collect their stuff from their homes to move out as the caverns formed by the four portals had not closed and were actually quite dangerous, especially for the younger kids. Not our main group though, they finally decided to catch up on everything that had happened before everything started back up again. 

“Yea, Dustin, Lucas and I joined this DnD club called hellfire and it was run by this guy named Eddie! Oh, Will, you would’ve LOVED Eddie!” Mike said excitedly, however, Will seemed almost upset? Yea that's the best word to describe it. It took a short moment of silence for Mike to realise that Will was even upset, “Hey? Are you ok? Why are you upset?” Mike quickly questioned, already feeling bad before he even knew what had happened.

“You guys… joined a new party? Didn’t we promise we wouldn’t do that…?” It was obvious from Will’s voice that he was not happy at all with what his friend, best friend, just told him. “And that after refusing to play with me that entire time before highschool. Good friends you guys are…” The room went quiet, no one really knew what to say in response to this. Mike had felt bad for a long time about how he had treated Will back then and if it wasn’t for Dustin, Lucas and Eddie pushing him to join he probably wouldn’t have. And all 3 of them know that.

“Hey,” Dustin started, “Don’t be mad at Mike for this, please, we basically pushed him to join, he needed to get his mind off of El and you moving away… We all did” Dustin explained, trying to maybe make Will feel a little less bad. It wasn’t like he was lying either, this was the truth, they just usually never talked about it as it made them miss their friends more most of the time.

“It’s fine either way, I’m going to unpack my stuff. Have fun catching up with your girlfriend.” Will sounded almost pissed now, and it was most definitely directed at Mike, which was odd? Why would Will suddenly be this pissed? Especially with Mike, he hadn't done anything wrong. What the others didn’t know is that Will had already internalised all that they said and his mind had turned it into terrible thoughts of how his friends don’t like him anymore.

“No! Will, wait!” Mike was about to get up but El stopped him and he just decided not to resist, trying to get away from her now would only upset her as well.

Meanwhile, Will was already in tears, sat on his floor, going through one of his boxes that had a bunch of old photos, some of his old drawings, that he always meant to give to Mike but never did, and some character ideas that he never ended up doing anything with. He picked up one of the drawings, it was of when they first met, well not exactly of course but it was the playground they met on, Will couldn’t help but feel tears start to well up in his eyes… ‘You used to be so nice, you used to care so much… What happened to you?’ Will thought as he looked at the drawing in his hands, a single tear rolling down his cheek and ending up falling on the paper. Just then there was a knock on the door and a soft voice spoke, “Hey, Will? Can I come in please? I wanna apologize…” It was Mike. Will thought for a moment, he didn’t really want to talk to Mike but he knew Mike was trying to do better so he should probably just let him apologize. Will hesitated for a while longer before wiping the tears from his eyes, putting the drawing back in the box and getting up to open the door.

The moment he opened the door he was pulled into a hug by Mike, “Look, I’m so sorry about that, I’m so sorry we joined another party when we promised we wouldn’t, but we all needed to just get our minds off of all that had happened, distraction. I also just assumed you were doing good, since El always said you were, she told me you had gotten into painting more and I guess I just assumed you grew out of it and it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’m sorry, Will, I really am” Will didn’t know how to respond to that, he simply hugged Mike back, hesitantly, and stayed quiet. And so they stood in silence for a while, it wasn’t an awkward silence, it was quite nice, actually. “Mike, it’s ok, really, I just overthink things, it’s a me problem, not a you problem. And I guess maybe it’s a tad bit of jealousy, because you guys never wanted to play with me before… But it’s ok.” Will responded, his voice breaking slightly, since he had only just stopped crying, it was still quite obvious in his voice. 

“Were you crying?” Mike asked with a concerned tone in his voice (the Will voice™) as he pulled himself away from the hug to look at Will’s face, now also noticing his eyes were, infact, slightly red and puffy. “Oh you have! I’m so sorry.” Mike hugged him again. As sad as Will still felt he couldn’t help but feel butterflies in his stomach, Mike rarely ever hugged him anymore so this was a very special moment for him. Suddenly a voice spoke up from behind them, “Guys! You wanna come meet up with Steve and Robin? El really wants to see them again.” It was Dustin. Mike turned around, letting go of Will, and nodded “Sure, as long as Will is coming too?” He said, facing Will again. Will simply nodded, and so they followed Dustin. “We agreed to meet at the local park so it’s not too far from here.” Dustin informed the two and they both nodded even though Dustin was walking in front of them and couldn’t see it.

Once they were all together and had their shoes on they informed Joyce on where they were headed and left.

As Dustin had explained, it wasn’t a very long walk, about 10 minutes, so they got there relatively quick.

“Took you guys long enough.” Steve said as he walked towards the group that was slowly approaching, Steve’s eyes moved over to a familiar yet different face, “Byers,” Will’s head basically shot up to look at who ever was talking, Will wasn’t paying attention, “You’ve grown, you’re a lot taller than i remember you being.” Steve joked and walked over to Will to give him a hug, which Will weakly returned. Will looked over to someone he knew he’d seen before but didn’t quite remember. “Who’s she again? I’m sorry, I just don’t really remember you that well.” Will asked, pulling himself out of the hug.

“I don’t blame you for not remembering me, we didn’t really talk at all, I mean we’ve talked a couple times, but not like-, you know, we just don’t really know each other- I’m Robin.” Robin said, rambling as she usually did, Will giggled a little at the rambling, sort of reminded him of himself. “Well, nice to see you again, Robin.” Will said politely and gave her a soft smile. “So, why did you guys want to hang out again?” Mike questioned, not leaving a moment of silence between the end of Will’s sentence and the start of his own. 

“Well, I just wanted to know how they were doing, they looked after us for the most part those 3 years, especially Steve.” El said with a smile as she walked over to Steve and gave him a hug, which he gladly returned. “That’s really nice of you, El.” Steve responded.

They all talked for a while and Steve had brought snacks which they were currently eating, everyone kind of scattered around in small groups, Will didn’t really feel like talking to the others so he had just decided to sit with Steve and Robin, hoping to just be left alone for a bit. Which they did, not for very long though,”Hey, Will?” Steve started, Will sighed and sat up straighter against the tree he was just leaning on “Yea, what’s up?” he responded.

“How was California, like, how was the school, the people, you know, those things” Robin quickly asked before Steve could. “Oh- Well, It’s not too special, I mean the school we went to was pretty ok, most kids were nice. There were a few assholes, though, that liked to pick on El, but I tried my best to, you know, cheer her up if anything did happen…” Steve sounded almost shocked to hear that. El? Being bullied? The El he remembered would never get bullied, he decided not to ask about it though.

“Well, that’s not good… But, no need to worry about that anymore, since you guys are back and here to stay we can all look after her.” Steve said, in a cheery voice to try and make Will feel less bad about it all. “Yea, that’s good.” he responded. It went quiet for a short moment before Robin spoke up, “Soooo, Will, any cute girls at your new school?” she questioned, a huge grin plastered on her face, she knew what she was asking and, from what she knew about Will, she knew what kind of answer she’d get. She knew he was shy and hasn’t had a girlfriend before so she hoped to hear some sort of cute confession he had for a girl, so the answer she got was kind of shocking, “No, not really, I mean- they were… ok I guess? Just- none of them were really my type, I suppose…” Will said, slightly rambling, trying not to make it too obvious that he simply just had no interest in girls at all. Robin wasn’t fooled though, neither was Steve. Suddenly it all kind of clicked for Steve; Will’s closest friend was Mike, Mike was also the first person to know if something was wrong with Will and would sometimes be the only person to ever know about certain things. 

Steve was about to ask Will another question when they all heard yelling, Mike and El were having another fight and so Will quickly got up to go de-escalate the situation. “HEY! What’s going on!?” Will yelled at both of them, “Dustin here, just informed me that Mike hasn’t talked about missing me at least once!” El yelled, clearly mad. “WELL I’M SORRY I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO KEEP ME BUSY? AND OTHER FRIENDS?!” Mike yelled back at her, suddenly it went quiet, no one could really believe he just said that when he KNEW El was having a hard time making friends and even getting bullied and yet he still said that. Then El spoke again, voice shaking a little as she teared up “Screw you, Mike.” and then she stormed off, back home. 

“Mike, what is WRONG with you!?” Will yelled, “You know how hard the past year has been for her! There was no reason for you to say that and yet you did, you’re a piece of shit, Mike!” and with that Will ran after El to go comfort her. “Will! Wait!” Mike tried to stop him, but Will ignored him and just ran back home. Mike sighed and looked at Dustin “Why’d you have to mention that dude, look what happened” Mike said, trying to shift the blame onto Dustin, when really Mike was the one that clearly did not care and instead of apologizing to El he made everything worse by practically making fun of her in front of the others. “HEY! don’t try to blame me for this dude! Not my fault you for some reason you never talk about your own girlfriend?” and now Mike was pissed. “Ok, but you shouldn’t have brought that up IN FRONT OF HER?! Screw you guys, I’m going home” and then Mike stormed off too.

After this the rest all decided it would be best to just pack things up and go home, it was getting late anyways. “Well, it was nice so at least see you guys again” Steve said, clearly feeling awkward about the whole situation. “Yea, you too. Cya guys” Dustin said, grabbing his stuff and going home too, Lucas following soon after, Leaving Robin and Steve to clean their trash up as they usually did. 

At home with Will and El things weren’t too great either, El was sobbing on her bed, there was a mix of angry and sad tears violently streaming down her face while Will tried comforting her “Hey, it’s ok, Mike’s an asshole, please don’t let this ruin you, ok? You’re amazing! You’re sweet and you’re simply a great friend, El! Just cause stupid Mike doesn’t realize or see that isn’t on you. He’s always been blind to those things, trust me.” Will told her as he hugged her tight. He never thought he was too good at comforting people but now Will was sure he said the right thing, the thing El needed to hear, know and understand. He wasn’t lying either, Mike was oblivious to a lot of things, especially regarding people’s feelings, he always had been. “Are you sure? I mean my own boyfriend never even talks about me to his friends, doesn’t that say enough?” El said in between sobs, this absolutely broke Will’s heart, sure he had liked mike for ages but he knew how much El loved Mike too and how happy he, used to, make her. Will felt almost obligated to keep them together, but after what Mike pulled today at the park Will decided it was time Mike got what he deserved. “El, dump him. Please, all he’s doing lately is hurt you, he’s not good for you, you deserve better than him.” El looked up at her brother, eyes red and puffy from the crying, which was still happening, “You really think so?” she asked, Will’s eyes were now also starting to well up a little from seeing his sister cry “Yea, of course.”

So, El decided to go over to Mike’s house and break him the news, Joyce, being the supportive mother she is, drove El there and waited outside until she was done doing what she needed to. When they got to the house El felt nervous, she didn’t know why though, seeing as last time she broke up with him it didn’t feel like a big deal, but suddenly it did this time. El stepped out of the car and walked over to the front door, ringing the doorbell. Karen opened the door, “Oh! El, how lovely to see you! You’re here for Michael I’m assuming?” mrs. Wheeler said and El simply nodded before carefully stepping into the house. “He’s watching TV in the living room right now” mrs. Wheeler told El before getting back to cooking dinner. El walked to the living room and Mike looked up to see who walked in, being slightly shocked to see El “Why are you here?” he asked and El crossed her arms “Well, you made it very clear how much you actually care about me today. First I find out you never mention me at all to you friends, then you get mad at ME for being upset with you over this and then you try to blame Dustin for everything. Mike, you suck. I dump your ass.” and with that she turned around and began to walk away, but before she had left the room Mike said “It’s not that I don’t care, El” El stopped dead in her tracks and turned around, “And what’s that supposed to mean?” she questioned, “Well, I do care about you, it’s just that, I’m not in love with you anymore… I really tried to get those feelings back but I just can’t. So I’m sorry for not mentioning you enough, ever even, you just… You aren’t on my mind 24/7 anymore, because I don’t love you anymore. Sorry…” Mike explained and El understood better now, she still wasn’t happy but she understood. She gave a small nod and then turned around again and left, going back home with Joyce.

Mike was still on the couch, thinking, he was slightly shocked about what El just did but he also understood. However, this now meant he was going to have to confront his feelings from now on instead of projecting them onto El or anyone for that matter. This was going to be difficult. 

When El and Joyce came home Will was sitting on the couch, almost like he was waiting for them to come back. Well not almost, he WAS waiting for them to come back. “And? How’d it go?” Will said, a little too enthusiastically. He was looking at his sister's face to try and see if maybe she was upset over something Mike had said again or if she was happy, but he just could not tell how she was feeling. “It went unexpectedly well, I think? I mean, I told him how what he did and said made me feel and he admitted that he hadn’t been in love with me for a while now. I feel like he means the day we left Hawkins by ‘a while’ …” El explained, she seemed suspiciously calm for someone who just broke up with their boyfriend. “Are you ok though? You seem awfully calm” Will questioned and El just nodded as she sat next to Will on the couch, laying her head in his lap. They did this a lot, it wasn’t weird to them at all, it was nice actually. Like this they could just kind of sit comfortably and be quiet for a moment, both thinking their own different thoughts. After a couple minutes Will let out a deep sigh, “You ok?” El asked opening her eyes and look up at Will, “Yea, I’m fine, just… thinking I guess, I’ve been doing that a lot recently” Will said, ending in a small chuckle, “Yea, I’ve noticed, I’ve had to snap you out of your thoughts a lot the past few weeks. So, I think it’s time you tell what exactly you’re thinking about so much recently” Will suddenly felt a wave of anxiety wash over him, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to talk about this yet with anyone. Sure he was happy Jonathan now knew, but when he basically came out to him Jonathan was the one to bring it up, not Will.

“Well, it’s not that easy to talk about, it’s stupid anyway, I promise you.” Will tried, hoping El would just drop it, but she wasn’t going to give up that easily, “Will, come on, I’m your sister, you’re supposed to tell me things”

That’s when Will decided it was time to tell them, everyone… Well, his family, so he thought for a moment about how he was going to say this and god was he afraid of this moment, “Well… I guess I have been thinking about a few things… It was easier last time because Jonathan figured it out on his own but now I’m gonna actually have to tell you guys… Wow…” while Will was talking his mom had sat down on a chair in the room and Jonathan was standing next to the couch now, “Hey, Will, if you aren’t ready you don’t have to tell us, ok? It’s completely up to you but I don't want you stressing yourself out too much so soon after everything happened” Jonathan told him, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder to comfort him a little. “Yea, I know, but I want to.” Will’s voice was shaking slightly as he spoke, Jonathan nodded in understanding and took a step back to give Will some personal space.

“Well… I just want to start off by asking you guys that no matter what, you won’t leave or, i don’t know, kick me out?” and Will was already on the verge of tears before he even started and Joyce got up to hug her son, “of course not, hunny, nothing could ever make me leave you behind or kick you out, don’t be silly” she then sat back down and Will continued talking. “Thanks… Ok, well, uhm, I think you all already know I’ve never had a girlfriend, right? And I, myself, always thought I was just too awkward to talk to any girls or that maybe I just wasn’t capable of falling in love… But oh my was I wrong, I’ve actually been in love for a while now… but I never said anything because I felt terrible for it, I felt like I was weird, a freak, for feeling this way… but it’s time to finally fess up I suppose…” Will fell quiet and no one interrupted him once that whole time. Will took a deep breath and spoke again, “I-... Mom, I’m gay. I’ve thought this for a couple years now but once we started going to school in Cali I was sure of it.” Will let out an almost sad chuckle, “I guess dad was right, huh? God, I’m so sorry…” Will’s voice sounded weak and soft. Then suddenly El hugged him and so did his mother, “Oh, Will, it’s ok, I still love you. I’ve suspected this for a while, but I’m glad you got to figure it out on your own. I’m so proud of you.” Will basically started sobbing at his mother’s kind words. 

They all sat there for a while, just hugging when suddenly El pulled out of the hug and spoke up, “Will, you said you’ve been in love for a while, right? With who are you in love, if that's ok to ask?” and there was that anxiety again, he didn’t just want to admit his feelings for Mike right after he got his sister to break up with him, that would seem selfish, “No one, it’s not important” Will responded quickly. El rolled her eyes at him and shook her head “Tell us!” Her yelling scared Will, since his dad used to always yell at him if he didn’t do as he was asked, which caused him to just blurt it out “It’s Mike!” Once he said that he went completely pale. “Shit.” he said and quickly got up, simply walking out the door as he still had his shoes on.

Will walked all the way to ‘Lovers Lake’ to think, since castle Byers was still destroyed this was the next best place to go to think. 

Of course, with his luck, Mike was there too. Will was about to walk in the other direction when Mike looked up and noticed him, “Will! Hey!” Mike said, sounding surprised but also happy. Will turned back to Mike and just decided to sit next to him on the small bench that faced the water, “Hey, Mike, why are you here?” Will asked as he kicked a small pebble into the water, not looking at Mike at all. “Could ask you the same thing.” They both chuckled and accidentally locked eyes for like a split second, but that split second was long enough to make both of them slightly flustered. “Well, I just came to sit and think here,” Mike began, “Mainly because I don’t know how to feel at the moment, my girlfriend just broke up with me but I’m not sad that she left, at all, I’m more upset that I now have to face my feelings. Feelings I think I might have for someone else. That I now cannot push onto her, I know how selfish that sounds by the way” Will was taken aback when he heard that. ‘Feelings for who???’ Was the only question running through his mind at the moment. So Will decided to shoot his shot, in a very… difficult and vague way that is, “You know… I don’t tell a lot of people this, but, I’ve always preferred the ocean over a sunset, do you know why?” Will started, looking over at his friend who seemed rather confused but also very intrigued, “No, I don’t know why, but please, do tell.” Mike told him and Will nodded before he continued speaking, “Well, I’ve always preferred the ocean, mainly because it can sometimes feel like it’s… alive, almost? you know what i mean?” Mike nodded at the question, “Like, the tides change constantly, so do emotions, and when it’s storming the sea gets all wild and dangerous… There’s almost constant waves, or constant thoughts… And not to mention how mysterious it is” This was Will’s way of explaining to Mike how he saw him and he hoped Mike understood that but part of him also really hoped he didn’t. But of course he did, “Yea, I get it,” Mike thought about his next words for a second, “I used to always think I was supposed to prefer the sunset over the ocean, but I don’t… I mean, sunsets are nice, but the ocean is so-... so alive! Like, the way it shimmers when the sun shines down on it making it almost look like little diamonds in the water, all of the fish living in it, sure there’s a lot we don’t yet know about the ocean, but it’s so… pretty” the last word Mike spoke was accompanied by eye contact with Will.

 “You know… You’ve always somewhat reminded me of the ocean” Will admitted, this comment made Mike blush a little. “Oh yea? Because I’m like, super mysterious right?” Mike teased and Will laughed, “Shut up! You know what I mean!” Will said, giving Mike a friendly shove. After that they both went quiet a little for a bit, it wasn’t a bad silence, it was very nice actually. But of course, the silence came to an end as it usually did, “You know, Will, I think I know why I fell out of love with El the second you guys left…” Will looked up once he heard Mike speak and looked at him with a bit of confusion mixed with curiosity. “Oh yea? Why is it then? If that’s ok to ask I guess.” Mike nodded in return, “Of course it’s ok to ask, I wouldn’t have brought it up if it wasn’t.” Will chuckled at that, “But yea, I’ve been thinking a lot the past year and… I’ve come to realise that I was simply, I don’t know… I guess I was projecting my feelings, like I said earlier… and those feelings were, well, for you. I’ve liked you for the LONGEST time, Will, and at this point I don’t care if you don't feel that way about me, I just needed you to know” Mike basically blurted out the last part but Will still knew what he said and he could not stop smiling. “Mike… You blind idiot, I cannot believe you’d think I don’t feel the same, I’ve liked you for forever, Mike! But I never said anything because I thought you loved El and I didn’t want to ruin what you guys had… Plus, I already got bullied for being gay, I didn’t want these people to be right… I’m sorry, I should’ve said something earlier and not have waited like five years…” Will could feel tears welling up in his eyes from admitting the last bit, he hated telling people how much he didn’t like himself for who he was, “I always thought I was just some freak…” his voice broke as he spoke and Mike pulled him into a hug. “Hey, it’s ok, you’re not a freak, ok? And if you are… then so am I!” that made Will smile.

They sat there for a bit, just holding each other and then Will spoke, “So… Does this make us boyfriends?” Will asked, carefully, pulling away just far enough from the hug to look Mike in the face, Mike smiled and nodded “Absolutely.”

[negasonicimagines]

Revelation; Part One

warnings/kinks: a/b/o (if you’re penis-repulsed this isn’t for you), smut (duh), brief daddy kink, even briefer mommy kink, cum-eating, cum-marking, cockwarming? (does it count if it’s a/b/o?), light bloodplay, borderline somniphilia (consensual), poisoning, suicidal ideation, allusions to cheating, mentions of conversion therapy, vague mentions of s*xual ass*ult (it doesn’t actually happen in the story, it’s just referred to a lot due to the nature of this universe)

uh… this is another one of those stories that’s just kinda Heavy, please be careful & don’t continue reading if doing so is unsafe for you. I have a variety of other works that don’t have such intense themes, which you can find on my masterlist!

request (+details): Omegaverse: Alphas Yukio and Ellie with a beta reader, but it turns out that reader is a late-bloomer omega who goes into her first heat unexpectedly. / Omegaverse: The setting could be anywhere. The three of them waking up with reader burning hot, believing to be sick but is actually going into heat. The reader could be by themselves when it happens and her alphas come home to a omega in heat / I can’t get this omegaverse idea out of my head, and I hope you don’t mind me telling you this. Reader being alone and confused when her heat came, her alphas gone on a mission. During the time they were gone, Reader made a nest of her alphas’s clothes out of instinct on their bed. By the time Yukio and Ellie returned, Reader is a hot mess from trying to get off, moaning their names and begging for her alphas to help her for she don’t know why she feels like this and is scared.)

synopsis: After Wade discovers you're dealing with suicidal thoughts, he takes it upon himself to help you out, leading to one disaster after another.

author’s note: thank you so much to the lovely anon who requested this for spending so much time with me & making sure everything was juuuust right! Fun fact: we pined, started dating, and broke up, started dating again, and broke up again all before this was published 🙃 sorry everybody, it’s been a rocky road for the past… forever.

Standing guard after school for a few extra bucks is a pretty sweet deal, you have to admit. You mostly just sit around with a pair of binoculars munching on your snack of choice, using a gun loaded with tranquilizer darts to drop anyone who threatens the safety of the school and its residents. If given permission, or an order to do so, you can use your bow and arrow to really take down your enemies.

You’re pretty lucky in life overall, you also have to admit, with two alpha girlfriends and a variety of friends and acquaintances, not to mention the advantages your mutation gives you.

It makes you feel even more guilty for what you’re really thinking about right now. Not Ellie, not Yukio, not keeping an eye out for threats, nothing but a simple question:

Would it be more efficient to slit your wrists with the point of one of your arrows, or to fling yourself from the top of this turret? Which would hurt worse? You look from the sharp arrow you hold in your hand to the plush grass below, managed by some of the other students.

It’s far cheaper to pay students to maintain the yard and house, not to mention it gives students like you a way of earning the kind of spending money that other students receive from their parents or from jobs in town. Your post would be snatched up in no time if you were to pass.

Speaking of parents.

Your father’s exact words to your mother were “I hate that you use a highschool mistake to keep me trapped with you forever!” the last time you happened to hear them argue. They were no longer invited to parent-teacher conferences after that.

It’s a fine reason for him to be angry, but, unfortunately, you’re the highschool mistake he was talking about. The one he’s always talking about whenever they fight. Maybe if you were gone, he’d finally be free. Maybe you’d finally be free from his resentment. He, fortunately enough, rarely lashes out at you directly; however… There’s always been a distance.

Would he love you more if you were gone? If you saved him from… Well, you? You’ve always wanted him to love you, to look at you with something other than anger or resentment. Would he finally be proud of you, for owning up to every horrible thing you are and have done by paying the ultimate price? Would everyone?

You’re holding the bladed tip of the arrow right against your wrist, almost like a normal person might hold a bracelet to their wrist -- trying it on for size, without really thinking about it.

Suddenly, though, Wade’s here. And he’s definitely thinking about it. He yanks the arrow out of your hand, accidentally snapping the wood that makes up its length.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I- Uh, I don’t know,” you mumble, embarrassed, because you honestly don’t. Being alone with your thoughts gives them the space to grow from their poisoned roots into something dark you don’t really recognize as yours.

“You- You don’t know?!” Wade questions, and the unusual severity of his tone stuns you to the point of laughter. “This isn’t fucking funny, what the hell is wrong with you? Why were you-?! What were you-?! What the fuck are you doing?!”

“I’m standing guard. What the fuck are you doing?” you echo dryly, resorting to quips to avoid telling him any more than he already knows.

“I’m freaking out! I can’t kill you for apparently wanting to kill you, so that’s all I can do! I thought you were on antidepressants!”

“I am. Have been for years. They don’t cure depression, they make it easier to manage.”

“Apparently fucking not! Come on, let’s go talk to somebody and get you an appointment with a psychiatrist. You’ve been on the same prescription all these years, right? Maybe you just need your dosage upped.” Wade’s not asking, he’s telling, his hand wrapped around your bicep to pull you along, although his grip isn’t as tight as you’d expect for a man of his stature, let alone an alpha.

Why does he care so much? He’s always so gentle, even when you piss him off like this. Tears well up in your eyes but you blink hard. You know he’s been through worse. That most people here have. You have no right to cry.

Wade yells at a surprised Charles Xavier until an appointment is set up, which goes pretty well. Four days after that incident, you meet with the psychiatrist who agrees that upping your dosage is the smartest decision, frankly, she’s surprised it wasn’t done sooner. And, after about a week of your new dosage level, you’re feeling better than ever.

Way better.

“You… You’d really wanna do that? For everyone to know I’m yours?”

Ellie nods, cheeks darkened. You’re straddling her, and the two of you have been trading heated kisses with Yukio. Who would’ve thought more of the medication you were sure killed your libido before you could even develop one would be what rescued it?

“Of course we would. I know you don’t like to stereotype, but some of the stereotypes have truth to them. We’re… Territorial,” Yukio reminds you.

“I’m… A beta,” you remind her in a teasing echo of her tone.

“Our beta,” Ellie cuts back in. “Absolutely perfect.”

“Even if I’d rather not let you guys, y’know…” Your hand rubs at the space between your neck and your shoulder - where they’d likely mark you with their teeth - nervously. “...today? Or go farther than what we’re doing right now?”

“Of course, baby! The fact that you’ve even done this much…” Yukio trails off, looking over you. Your lips are swollen and still slightly parted as you continue to pant a little. The top few buttons of your (well, borrowed from Ellie) flannel are undone.

“We’re so grateful, and so proud of you,” Ellie continues, drawing your attention back to her. “We’re willing to wait as long as you need, even if that waiting only ends because you’ve decided that being with us like that isn’t something you want.”

“I do. I always have, I just… I don’t know.”

“The feeling’s still there, in your stomach, right?” Yukio wonders.

“Yeah, a little. It’s like… I know it’s not wrong, but something doesn’t feel quite right. Maybe I should just try to ignore it, I mean, you two have needs-”

“Hey. You know better than that, Y/N. We don’t, okay, babe? Not like that. We wanna have sex with you, not- Not hurt you. You understand that, right?” Ellie reassures you.

“I do, I just feel bad for being such a- I don’t know, a tease?”

“We love you. As in, you. If you forced yourself to do something you didn’t want to, just for us, how would we forgive ourselves?” Yukio says what she’s said a million times, but every time it surprises you. You tend to see yourself as only being valuable in what you can offer others— protection, a laugh, some good advice every now and then —you never expect anyone to care for you outside of that. But here they are. Absolutely perfect.

And you were thinking of flinging yourself off a tower a couple weeks ago. Should you tell them? They just think you went for an overdue checkup, which is technically the case. You don’t know what’s worse, hiding it or telling them. You’ll have to talk to Wade, he’s good at giving advice. Might not be good advice, but he’s definitely good at giving it.

“Everything okay, sharpshooter?” Ellie hands gently squeeze your hips to get your attention.

You blink back out of your thoughts, smiling a little and blushing at the nickname.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. Sorry, I just zoned out. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Everything okay?” your alphas ask, again, in unison. Your alphas. They probably couldn’t handle it if you had a problem they couldn’t solve, the guilt of not being able to provide for you would overwhelm them.

“Yeah, totally,” you reply, because it is, now, especially here with them. Ellie starts to button up your flannel.

“Oh, we don’t have to-”

Ellie gives you a pointed look, then looks down at her crotch, then back up at you. Your blush deepens.

“Yeah, I’m guessing a cold shower’s in order,” Yukio agrees. “El, you can go first.”

“We can’t go together?” Ellie asks.

“Well, I don’t wanna leave Y/N alone. Our brave little beta did a lot more than usual. Don’t want you to feel used, baby,” Yukio explains to you both.

“Oh, duh,” Ellie agrees. You give her a quick smooch on the forehead before dismounting her and allowing yourself to be pulled into Yukio’s arms. Ellie grabs some clean clothes and heads off. As soon as the door shuts, Yukio giggles, and you look to her with a curious, confused expression.

“Now you’re all mine to cuddle.” Yukio gloats, kissing the top of your head. “Mm… You smell really good, babe. New shampoo?”

“Ish, yeah,” you agree, despite the fact that you started using it nearly a month ago at this point. Maybe the body heat you built up from the makeout session made it smell stronger, though.

Yukio keeps sniffing you, but you don’t call her out on it. She’s a little bit quirky, sure, but there’s no need to make her feel self-conscious about it when the tickling sensation feels kinda nice. She tosses in a few soft presses of her lips against your skin, too, so it’s not like she’s the only one who benefits.

Yukio eventually stops this, though, instead requesting to scent you. You’ve told the girls before that they don’t have to ask, but they— especially Yukio —seem to prefer to. You figure it’s likely to reassure them that you not only tolerate but appreciate their alphahood.

“I love you, you know that? Not just ‘cause you make me smell like petrichor. I’m surprised Ellie doesn’t spend all day huffing your scent, I… I know I would, if I could smell it.” You didn’t mean for the sad envy to ring so clearly in your words, but it’s as sharp as a knife, cutting deep enough to make Yukio gasp softly with sympathy as she rubs your wrist against her scent gland, eyes snapping open.

“Well, next time it’s about to rain, we’ll go outside, then. Every time it’s about to rain,” Yukio insists. “Who- Who told you?”

“Wade. I was just curious. He said Ellie smells like a campfire, the scent even clings like it. He even said I smell a little weird. Most betas smell like something, but I’m just… A blank canvas.”

You feel her rumble a bit with a growl, and her arms wrap tightly around you… Protectively? You blush.

“Y-Yukio?” you nervously ask, caught off guard. Ellie’s usually more of the growling type. Yukio’s pretty good about keeping her possessiveness and any other “negative” alpha traits in check. This side of her doesn’t come out often.

“What was he doing that close to you?” she snarls protectively, and if the growl wasn’t enough to get your heart racing, that was. “Sm- Smelling you?”

“Yukes, Wade’s the same age as my parents. Honestly, he’s- He’s kinda- He’s nice to me. We’re friends. I think if he was going to hurt me, he would’ve done it by now. You two keep forgetting I’m just a beta. No one wants a piece of this pie except for you and Ellie.”

“You’d be surprised at the way some alphas… It’s sick, but they- Because betas, you know, they don’t really produce slick like omegas do, and they don’t have quite as much give, uh… So, some alphas, um, they… Just let me hold you, okay?” Yukio requests. “I can’t talk about it, it’ll make me too mad.”

“I respect that. Thank you. I, uh, I didn’t realize that at all, so thank you for helping me be even safer,” you reassure her. She’s trembling. “Do you want me to hold you, instead?”

“No, no, this will make me feel better. I just… I love you. Can you just…? Just- Just say you’re mine.” This is a request Yukio has semi-often. When she feels weak in comparison to other alphas, when she feels overshadowed by Ellie, any time she needs reassurance or is just feeling bad, she’ll probably ask. You get it, being hers (and Ellie’s, of course) makes you feel better, too.

“I’m yours, Yukio. Always yours. You make me so happy, both of you. Happier than- You make me feel so-“ You get a bit choked up. These girls, these alphas… They’re so important to you.

“Oh, no, baby, please don’t cry,” Yukio implores, watching your eyes water. You turn so that your face doesn’t just rest on her chest but is buried in it.

“It’s just that no one ever loved me before you two. No one, ever. Not my parents, not my ’friends,’ no one. I don’t know why I’ve been so emotional lately, I’m sorry.”

“No one at all?” Yukio questions, but that’s the missing puzzle piece, she realizes. You’re always treating hers and Ellie’s love for you like it’s something you have to earn, no matter how much they insist being yourself is enough. She fully grasps now that it’s never been enough before.

She holds you even tighter.

“Mm-mm,” you confirm, shaking your head a little. “You and Ellie just mean the whole world to me. And- And… Wade’s my friend, too. Can I still, y’know, spend time with him?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I just- He’s a nice guy, but… I don’t want him to put you in danger. You can handle yourself, though. Can’t you, sharpshooter?” Her fingers trickle up your ribs as she says the nickname, making you giggle and squirm.

“Absolutely, but it is nice to have two strong, sexy alphas take care of me instead every now and then,” you admit, albeit a bit teasingly, blushing softly. You turn back so that you can see her adorable face.

“Really?” Yukio asks, but she knows.

“Really,” you agree with a smile.

“I’m yours, too. You know that, right?” Yukio checks, fiddling with your hair a bit.

“Mhm. It’s nice to hear you say it like that, though.”

“I can think of other ways you might like to hear it,” Yukio flirts.

“Yeah, you think so? Show me,” you tease back.

“I will…” Yukio trails off as she trails her finger along your jaw, tipping your head up to the perfect kissing angle and- “Eventually, little beta.”

“I- I’m taller than you,” you weakly protest.

“Your breath still hitched,” Yukio reminds you with a giggle and a gentle tap on the tip of your nose.

You stutter a little more before giving up, burying your face again and whining.

“I’m sorry, Y/N, I just can’t help myself. You’re too cute,” Yukio half-heartedly apologizes, still chuckling to herself as she strokes your back.

Ellie returns from her shower, inky tendrils of hair ruffled around but with no product in.

“She’s asleep?” Ellie asks, sounding a bit disappointed, but there’s still a significant amount of fondness in her tone.

“She’s not,” you mumble back, and both girls chuckle, Yukio untangling herself from you. You can’t help but pout a little, already missing the bubblegum-haired alpha.

“I know Yukio’s your favorite, but you could at least act a little bit happy to see me,” Ellie half-jokes, and you smile, pulling (though she doesn’t give any resistance) the girl back into your bed. She holds you the same way Yukio did, but you don’t really mind the lack of variety.

“You’re both my favorite,” you argue. Ellie takes a deep breath, likely taking in the way you’re completely embraced by Yukio’s scent.

“I don’t think that’s how favorites work,” she chuckles.

“Out of all the people in the world, you two are both my favorite,” you insist. She takes the hand you have resting on her ribcage and holds it inches from her scent gland. “Please,” you say, before she can even ask. Ellie takes a whiff again.

“Did she leave anywhere untouched?” She wonders.

“N-not really,” you stutter, because now you’re thinking of where she didn’t touch you.

“Well, she’ll have to share a little, then,” Ellie says.

You hum with delight as she scents you.

“You make a new friend?” Ellie questions.

“Huh?”

“You smell… Different,” she responds, looking at you… Well, differently. “Like roses.”

“I have a new-ish shampoo?” You offer, but that just seems to intensify the look.

Your phone rings. It’s Wade. You wriggle out of Ellie’s loose hold on you, answering.

“Hey, you know how I’m your academic advisor?”

“Uh, yeah?”

“Well, apparently, thwarting your suicide attempts isn’t my only job. I also have to tell you when they need you in the office, which is now.”

“Seriously?! I didn’t even throw that pencil at Richard, and even if I did, he deserved it for being such a-“

“Oh, right! Should’ve opened with the good news. Your parents are here to visit.”

“What?! That’s-“ You sigh, not wanting to alarm Ellie any more than you already have. “Okay. I’ll be there. Just give me a second to get dressed.”

“Wow, no shame at all. I salute you. Toodles!” Wade hangs up before you realize he misunderstood you.

“What’s wrong?” Ellie asks.

“Nothing, just… My parents are here.”

“Your… Parents?”

“Kind of have to have those to exist, usually,” you remark, and she snorts.

“I know- I- Well, we’ve known each other for a while, and you don’t really talk about them, so I sort of assumed…” Ellie trails off.

“Oh, um, yeah, no, they’re very alive,” you confirm with an awkward chuckle.

“Right. I’ll go get ‘Kio, and we’ll all go, okay?”

“Uh- Um- Yeah.”

“What is it?”

“My parents, they kind of… They- I love you. And I’m not ashamed of you.”

“But they’ll be ashamed of you,” Ellie understands.

“I haven’t seen them in so long, they don’t even know that I like girls, let alone that I’m dating two, or that they’re both alphas… I want you and Yukio to come with me, but, if they start to- If they’re how they are, I-“

“Give my energy to helping you instead of hurting them,” Ellie uses Piotr’s words.

“Perfect,” you agree, and Ellie smiles back, but it falters. You didn’t mean to worry her so much.

“I’ll go get Yukio. You get changed, okay?”

“Mhm,” you agree, and she heads off to the bathroom. You steal one of Ellie’s band tees and an oversized cardigan of Yukio’s for comfort, finding a pair of high-waisted bottoms to tuck the tee shirt in. You throw on a pair of sneakers, and when the girls emerge from the bathroom, you pop in to freshen up.

Once you’re done, Yukio’s caught up on the situation and the three of you make your way to the front offices.

Wade meets you outside.

“Oh em gee, Y/N, you’ll never believe it, I actually went to high school with both of your parents.”

“Uh… Cool?” You respond, because you’re not entirely sure how to.

“Yeah, uh, I get now that it’s probably not really good news that they’re here, huh? No wonder I found you doing that the other day.”

“Doing what?” Yukio and Ellie ask, though for some reason, Ellie’s is tinged with suspicion, maybe even anger.

“I- Listen, it’s not a big deal, I got my prescription updated and all that good stuff, okay?” You prime them. “I was thinking about killing myself the other day and Wade caught me.”

“Thinking?! You’re gonna call holding the fucking tip of an arrow to your wrist thinking?!”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Ellie sounds as angry as Wade does, but she looks pained. This is why you didn’t tell them.

“Hey, she doesn’t need this right now,” Yukio argues, but she looks hurt, too.

“I mean, I was just considering if it would be more painful than jumping off of the turret,” you mumble, your defense embarrassingly weak.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Ellie decides, and Yukio nods. You three follow Wade to Xavier’s office. Wade breezes in, but you’re practically stuck in the doorway, nervous to look at even the backs of their heads, before they turn around.

“Y/N,” your mom says with a grin, but you know all too well how fake that is. She approaches you, pulls you into a hug, and you want nothing more than to push her away and scrub yourself clean. She doesn’t really love you. The second you speak out of turn, or make a mistake, or give her any excuse, she’ll remind you of your worth. (Or, rather, the lack thereof.)

She slips back into her seat next to your father, in front of the desk where Xavier sits, simply observing.

“It’s been so long,” your father says, but his smile is almost blatantly fake. “Your hair, it’s different.”

“Like you said, it’s been a while,” you say, giving a grimace and an awkward chuckle.

“I don’t think I like it,” he says, like he’s giving his opinion on a sculpture in an art exhibit by some long-dead artist who doesn’t care what he thinks. Like it’s something just… Objective.

“Not sure what to do about that,” you reply sheepishly.

You don’t fully realize that you’re holding Ellie’s hand until she squeezes it reassuringly, three times. A secret code. You step further in to make room for the girls.

“So, uh, I have to ask… Why the sudden visit?”

“Well, we got an e-mail about your medicine, and we wanted to come check on you. Make sure this is the right environment for you,” your mother explains.

“You weren’t sure before you stopped talking to me for two years?” You half-joke, playing dumb.

“Has it really been two years?” A normal person would be asking this rhetorically, and they’d be embarrassed. Your mother, though, is simply trying to gaslight you.

“Longer,” you assure her.

“I thought this place was supposed to provide conversion therapy,” your father says, eyeing your hand, then Ellie’s other hand. “You’re such a fucking liar,” he hisses to your mother.

“Wow, maybe my mom dying when I was young was for the best. Better than this for sure,” Wade jokes, gently elbowing your side. You chuckle, grateful for even the slightest ounce of comic relief.

“You’re even more of a freak than you were in high school.” You squeeze Ellie’s hand tight as your father’s expression darkens even further.

“Funny you should say that, considering-“

“Wade,” your mother cuts him off.

That’s weird, to say the least. You just file that away for later. You have bigger fish to fry, like surviving this visit.

“Y/N, why’d you go for a check-up at all? You barely needed the anti-depressants in the first place,” your mother wonders.

“Because it wasn’t barely. Why else would they raise the dosage?” You ask, and the expression on her face is as stupid as the question she asked.

“Don’t speak to her that way,” your father scolds, like he didn’t just call your mother a fucking liar himself. “You are so ungrateful for everything we’ve done for you, do you realize that?”

“I’m sorry, what have you done for her, exactly? Answer quickly, please,” Ellie retorts.

“El-“ you start, but realize this isn’t anger, but advocacy.

“Well, we sheltered and fed her for over a decade,” your father remarks, smirking like he’s won.

“That’s your job!” Wade argues.

“Mr. and Mrs. L/N… I politely asked that you refrain from visiting the campus, and while I appreciate your concern for Y/N’s well-being, I must ask that you remain respectful of her, her fellow students, and my staff. Causing unnecessary conflict is exactly the reason you were almost banned when you last visited,” Professor Xavier finally speaks.

“Almost banned?!” Wade wheezes.

“Yeah,” you sigh, and Wade’s laughter immediately ceases. “I was cheating in school, according to- To Dad.” The word is poison in your mouth.

“Come on, we all know you’re not smart enough to get those grades on your own. Probably screwing some teacher, just like Mom.”

“That’s enough,” Ellie snarls, eyes glowing orange.

“I never screwed a teacher!” Your mother protests at the same time.

“Oh, that’s right, you just blew Mr. Morin. My bad. Wow, Y/N, you really must be something special for all these alphas to be fawning over you. Maybe I did fuck up once or twice, after all, I’ve heard daddy issues-“

“Well, you visited! Now get the fuck out,” Wade chirps.

“Mr. L/N, must I repeat myself? I know you and Mrs. L/N were interested in a tour. Perhaps a less crowded area would help ease your minds,” Xavier reminds you all of his presence once more.

“That sounds like a great idea,” your father agrees.

“I’m starting to get a bit of a headache, maybe you could show us your room first and I could lie down for a bit in there?”

“I-“ You look to the girls, not wanting them to have to deal with her alone.

“Actually, Miss Phimister and Miss Kitsuna would be perfect additions to a rescue team. The orphanage your friend Russell came from was actually part of a network for mutant trafficking, and we found another hub in Maine. The jet takes off in fifteen minutes, and you two will be back in time for dinner. Better get ready and briefed.”

“But-“ Yukio starts, looking to you.

“Go, be superheroes,” you tell them, and they head out. “Uh, how about we swing by the library first, to give them time to change, and then to our room?”

“You share a room with them? Somehow, I’m not surprised.”

“We were roommates before we started dating,” you correct him.

“Dating… Aw, I bet you really think that’s what it is, too. Having parents in a sham of a marriage really did a number on you, huh?” Your father condescends.

“You know, it’s pretty fucked up how fixated you are on her sexuality. Do you like to picture it, you goddamn creep?” Wade defends you, and your skin crawls. You’d never thought of it that way before.

“Let’s just get that tour started, ‘kay?” You squeak. The sooner you get this over with, the sooner they’ll be on their way, hopefully.

“Good idea, Y/N,” Wade says. “Come on, Textbook, let’s go.”

“You didn’t just call me-“

“Oh, but I did, Textbook. Hey, Y/N, did you know that was your dad’s nickname in highschool? ‘Cause he was so fuckin’ easy to shove in a locker.”

You cover your mouth with your hand, trying not to laugh and failing.

“Just show us the library already, Y/N,” your mother says, pinching the bridge of her nose.

You take your parents to the library, as requested. Wade keeps pace with you while your parents fall back. You can’t hear their exact words, but you know your parents are bickering.

“You never said it was this bad.”

“It’s not that bad. It’s definitely been worse,” you admit, busying your eyes with the paintings that line the walls so that you don’t have to meet Wade’s gaze. You might just cry if you do; you can feel the sympathy radiating off of him.

In these past few months, Wade’s been more of a father than your dad, even more of a mother than your mom, but for some reason that doesn’t make you feel more justified in how you feel about your parents. In fact, it just makes you feel worse, and even if you’ve never actually expressed it, you’re still ashamed of the fact that you wish Wade was your father instead. He actually cares, while your parents are simply legally obligated.

From the day you met, Wade’s always been there for you. If you were to tell your parents what you almost did the other day, they’d just call you attention-seeking and insult you in other ways. All they’d do is make you want to try again.

You and Wade stop at the entrance to the library and wait for your parents to catch up. They do, and you open the double doors to reveal the room.

“It’s like Beauty and the Beast,” your mother gapes.

“I thought so, too,” you agree, attempting a smile, but your parents just ignore you, wandering around the large room. Your mother excuses herself after a few minutes of spinning, saying that the dizziness is making her headache worse.

“All these books and you’re still… The way you are,” your father comments, looking at you with such disdain.

“Winner of the science fair with her loving partners, three years in a row?” Wade questions. “Oh, or maybe you’re talking about the fact that she’s a published poet. How embarrassing for you, I’m sure.”

“Wade,” you protest under your breath, embarrassed. They don’t even know that stuff. After middle school, you stopped telling them about your accomplishments. You figured out that all they’d do is ruin them for you.

“No, no, trust me. It’s more about the fact that she’s slutting around with alphas and won’t even save us the embarrassment of them being girls,” you father spats.

“That’s enough,” Wade snarls.

“Oh, that’s right, we can’t forget that she’s yours, too. I guess anything with a dick is daddy considering I was too busy putting food on the table to play dollies,” he remarks, and you suddenly feel light-headed.

“Seriously, Textbook, I really don’t want to hurt you, especially not in front of Y/N, but I fucking will if you make me.”

“Just go,” you urge Wade, starting to feel a bit dizzy, surely from the stress. You brace yourself on him, disguising it as a touch meant to comfort him. He looks concerned as the edges of your vision start to darken a little.“I- What you’re doing, I appreciate it, but-“

“You appreciate it? You appreciate him disrespecting me, disrespecting our family?!”

“Our family?!” You finally snap. “All I ever wanted was for you to love me, and you couldn’t do that. You just couldn’t. And now we’re a family?! No. No, you…” You start to pant, your face feeling even hotter than before. “You… I hate you,” you manage to get out before your world goes completely dark.

“Fuck yeah, Y/N! I’m so prou-“

But when Wade turns to you, you’re halfway to the ground. He catches you, though, and he catches a whiff of something… Familiar.

Lavender. It’s not just the Wilson scent, sure, but it’d be too much of a coincidence. You smell just like him. You are him, or, rather, made of him.

He’s torn between ecstatic and furious.

“Hey, can we get some help over here?” your father calls out to no one. It’s not a school day, and lots of students are out on missions. He reaches out to you for once in your life, but Wade’s now sitting on the floor, cradling you in his arms.

“No,” Wade argues. “Not yours. Mine.”

“What?” You father asks incredulously. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“She’s. Not. Yours,” Wade repeats, and the more he inhales your scent, the more out of control yet calm he feels. Like he’s in the eye of a hurricane. “My baby. Mine.”

“You’re not saying…” your father trails off as Wade gets up, still cradling you. Wade has to take you to your room; help make you a nest, now. He can smell it on you.

You’re in heat.

He gets to your room quickly, practically tossing you onto your bed. Wait… Isn’t your mom supposed to be here?

And that’s when he hears the sound of pills spilling onto the floor.

He nearly rips the bathroom door off of its hinges. Luckily, your mother spilled what Wade quickly realizes is suppressants, and not your prescription.

“You. You could’ve killed her. You are very, very lucky that my baby-“

“Our baby,” your mother corrects.

“No, you take pills, you can’t even smell her, let alone feel her like I can. It- It’s so much it fucking hurts. I’ll say it again, you’re very lucky my baby is in heat, or your arteries would be emptying in that shower. Now, go. Don’t come back.”

You groan in pain, stirring, and your mother takes Wade’s advice. Wade calls Yukio. Then Ellie. Then Yukio. Then Ellie.

“What the fuck, dude?!”

“You need to turn around. Now. I don’t have the time to explain. It’s Y/N.”

“Is she okay?” Ellie, always skeptical, asks.

“Obviously fucking not, or I wouldn’t be calling. She’s in heat.”

“But-“

“I said that I don’t have time to explain, fucking turn around! I’m on the verge of going fucking feral, Ellie. You both need to get here, now.”

“Wade, get out,” Ellie immediately demands.

“I can’t,” he admits.

“Get out! Shit, Wolverine! We need to turn around!”

“I can’t. It’s not like that I swear, it’s… I’m going fucking crazy, just one of you will do, but someone needs to get here.”

“Wade, go.”

“I would never hurt her! Come home!” Wade barks before hanging up. He returns to your room to find you’ve made a nest instinctively - thank goodness for Yukio’s affinity for pillows and blankets - and now you’re curled up in pain in the center of it.

“Wade,” you whimper. He’s scared to step closer, not sure if he’s what you want, even if you despise who you thought was your father. “What’s happening to me? Everything hurts.”

“I really don’t know how to say this, but… You’re in heat.”

“But I’m a beta,” you argue, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“That’s what we all thought. But… Remember how you didn’t smell like anything before? Uh, let me start over. When did you start on your anti-depressants?”

“I was about twelve,” you confirm, not sure what that means.

“Yeah, I think those were suppressants. That it’s always been suppressants, no matter what the bottles said. Until you got a prescription without your mother knowing. Do you understand why your mother would do that?”

You shake your head, and he approaches the bed, sitting down carefully as not to disturb your work.

“Her boyfriend around the time she got pregnant with you was a beta. We know him as Textbook,” Wade teases, before continuing: “But, what no one realizes is that he was at Niagara Falls on spring break around the time when you were conceived, and she was hanging out with her next-door neighbor the whole time. Her next-door neighbor was me.”

“Oh, so I’m your highschool mistake,” you say, connecting the dots.

“Huh?”

“Ha, well, whenever my parents- Well, I guess not my parents, but that’s beside the point, uh, whenever they argue and it gets really bad, my father- Well, not my father, but, uh-“

“Continue,” Wade urges.

“Basically, sometimes he uses ‘a mistake I made in highschool’ as code for ‘Y/N,’” you explain. “But the truth is, I’m the mistake you made in highschool.”

“You’re not a mistake,” he disagrees. “You’re- You’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Lots of things are made by accident, but that doesn’t make them mistakes! Penicillin, potato chips, Post-It notes, popsicles! They were never supposed to exist but they do and the world is much better off with them in it.”

“You really do have a lot of useless knowledge,” you realize.

“So do you, that’s why our team always wins trivia night.” Wade slips off his boots, joining you in your rearranged bed. “C’mere,” he suggests, guiding your head to his neck.

“S’really you,” you mumble, already weary, and Wade worries for what’s to come. He almost doesn’t even want to let the girls in. He could get you pain medicine, he could probably even find sedatives. Then no one would ever be able to even touch you, let alone hurt you. “Lavender. You never mentioned the lavender, just the sandalwood.”

“I didn't think you’d be impressed,” Wade admits.

“It’s relaxing,” you tell him. “It’s nice to have things in common with someone.”

“You smell like roses, too, not just lavender,” he makes sure you know.

“Yeah, but I think that’s mostly concentrated in an area I’d rather not discuss with you.”

“Well, just make sure that if you do decide to do anything more with them than cuddle, which I can gladly go through the rest of my life without knowing, bee-tee-dubs, that the girls are wearing alpha condoms, especially if one of them knots you. Standard condoms work in a pinch if it’s just for one, y’know, go, but for heats they’re basically useless because of everything I just said. If they hurt you, I will make their deaths look like accidents.”

“S’not like I can get pregnant anyway…” You mumble, embarrassed. “I’m- I’m really glad it’s you. I- I wished so many times that it was you instead of him. Ow, ugh, that one was bad,” you groan, massaging your stomach.

Meanwhile, on the jet, Ellie is furious with herself.

“Yukio, you don’t get it, I smelled her. She smelled like an omega, but I thought- I assumed she was cheating on us. That maybe she didn’t want to be with us like that was because she wanted to- I don’t know, to be on top? It seems so stupid now.”

“Hey, I noticed she smelled different, too. There were other signs we both missed, anyways. Think about how emotional she’s been lately, or how much farther we’ve been going in other ways. How clingy she’s been, too.”

“I guess I didn’t really notice it because I liked her being more open and needing us more,” Ellie admits. “She- She almost fucking killed herself. And I thought cheating was what she was hiding. I- I just-“

“You can’t beat yourself up over it,” Yukio insists. “We’re on our way back, and Wade’s there to protect her.”

Speaking of Wade being there to protect you, he continues to comfort you as the pain gets worse.

“S’too hot,” you complain, and he releases you from his hold, rising from the bed. He knows he’ll have to leave you soon, because you’re likely going to need privacy before the girls get home, but it’s hard to part from you knowing you’re in pain.

“I’m gonna get you some water, okay? And after that, I’m just gonna stand guard outside the door until your girls get here. I know there’s some stuff you need to do, and that’s only gonna get worse.”

“It’s already awful,” you admit, and he chuckles.

“Good luck, kid. I love you.”

Wade gets a case of bottled water from the school’s industrial-sized pantry, bringing it to your room and tearing it open for you before leaving once more. You take one, immediately guzzling it down.

In privacy, you take off Yukio’s cardigan and your bottoms, leaving you in Ellie’s tee shirt and your underwear. You decide to go ahead and free yourself from the constriction that is your bra, feeling a bit embarrassed that you’re not leaving much to the girls’ imagination for your first time together. You eventually decide to undress completely, wondering when the hell your girls are gonna get here.

[whoseafraidofliloleme]

Invisible Chapter 8

Summary: YN YLN has always been third in Class 2-5, right behind Lee Su Ho and Kang Soo Jin but with both of them having left Saebom Highschool, this is her time to shine. That is until Han Seosangnim asks her to tutor Han Seo Jun. A guy who doesn’t even know she existed.

Ship: Han Seo Jun x Female Reader.

Word Count: 1564 words. Surprise surprise I can write a kinda short chapter when I want to apparently.

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated with any reactions or whatever you want to say. Again I really don't know where I am going with this.

Taglist: @thealexalcala

Anyone interested in being added to the taglist, just let me know by sending an ask or replying to this post 😊.

True Beauty Masterlist

Chapter 7.

Chapter 8:

Here you were standing with Seo Jun, in front of Han Ssaem. However, there were many differences between then and now. It’s been a few months since that confrontation with Hae Sung, though you did miss him very much. Your class, Si Woo and Cho Rong didn’t let you wallow in the sadness of being on hiatus with your best friend.

Now you could confidently call the people in your class your friends, Hyun Ji was still your best friend. But with Soo Ah and Ju Kyung, the four of you had grown quite close to each other. Before when Han Seo Jun scared the crap out of you.

Now, even his deadliest glares had others running away in fear. Made you laugh before you told him to carry on studying, you’d even been to his house, his mum and sister thinking the world of you. They were lovely, it was nice to have so many people there for you.

As the days had gone by and you’d gotten closer to your classmates and others. You realise just how isolating your friendship with Hae Sung had been. From others you were finding out that you weren’t the issue, people wanted to get to know you.

Hae Sung was the problem. While you were still sceptical about Hae Sung stopping others from being friends with you, it was still nice to know that people were interested in being your friend.

Suddenly you are pulled from your thoughts when Han Ssaem clears his throat and looks at you and Seo Jun, nervously without thinking you take Seo Jun’s hand in yours and squeeze it. Not paying attention to Seo Jun who looks at your hands clasped together and smiles at you. This would be the deciding time, would you still be Seo Jun’s tutor, had his grade improved or gotten worse. If you weren’t his tutor anymore, did you lose the friendships you’d made? Everything rested on finding out Seo Jun’s grades after the latest exams.

“Well done Seo Jun, you’ve improved, with the way your grade has gone up, with more help from YN, you might just make it into the top 20 of our class,” Han Ssaem said smiling. He knew picking you to tutor Han Seo Jun would work. Not just in helping Seo Jun but help you to connect with your class. Han Ssaem mentally patted his back; this had been one of his better ideas.

You and Seo Jun walked out of the Teachers Room. You were still processing what had happened. You were overjoyed, the minute you stepped out of the Teachers Room, you turned and hugged Seo Jun. At first, he stilled. Shocked that you were hugging him. Then slowly, put his arms around you and held onto you, pulling you closer to him if that was even possible. He whispered his thanks in your ear and you hugged him tighter in response.

“Ahem Ahem, mind telling the rest of us what happened,” Ju Kyung said cheekily. In the past few months, she had seen your relationship with Seo Jun flourish. Without a doubt, there were feelings there. From what Hyun Ji told her, you were most definitely in denial about your feelings for Seo Jun.

Han Seo Jun, on the other hand, refused to tell Ju Kyung or Cho Rong what his feelings for you were. Ju Kyung had a suspicion that Seo Jun had confided in Su Ho about his feelings for you. Sadly Su Ho refused to tell Ju Kyung about it. Something about promising Seo Jun that he wouldn't tell Ju Kyung and that Ju Kyung should just wait for Seo Jun to tell her himself.

However, with the way you two were hugging when they all came, Seo Jun may just be ready to admit his feelings for you. Which would be something to see, Ju Kyung was ready to help her best friend get a girlfriend. Especially someone like you, at times seeing Seo Jun and you together, Ju Kyung didn’t understand why you were denying your feelings, the chemistry was there to see. Go Won on more than one occasion had asked Ju Kyung if her brother and you were dating yet. Even Su Ho was waiting for Seo Jun and you to get together.

Hearing Ju Kyung’s voice, you pulled away from Seo Jun, smiling awkwardly at your friends. That hug had not been a smart idea. You were trying not to let this crush on Seo Jun became more than a small crush. Unfortunately, rather than the crush being crushed, it just grew with each studying session or time you spent with Seo Jun.

You vehemently denied your feelings to Hyun Ji and anyone else in your friend group or class. Yet in front of Mi Soo Unnie and Joon Oppa, all you did was gush about Seo Jun. To the point where Mi Soo Unnie and Joon Oppa were betting on when you’d finally confess and live happily ever after with Seo Jun. Wishful thinking on their part, there was no way Han Seo Jun liked you and for now, you were just happy being his tutor and friend.

“Han Ssaem was happy with Seo Jun’s result, he's improved and with more help thinks Seo Jun can get into the top 20 of our class rankings,” you tell them proudly. As scared as you had been with tutoring Seo Jun, it was an immensely proud feeling to know that all your and Seo Jun’s hard work for the last few months had shown. You were already planning to figure out what mistakes were made this time around. That you could help Seo Jun with that would lead to an even better result next time.

“Yah YLN YN, I don’t like that look on your face, we are taking a break from studying for the rest of the week and I don’t care what you say, I refuse to study,” Seo Jun said loudly, breaking you out of thinking about your plan.

“But you barely do your homework without me forcing you to do it and now without studying, I know you won’t do your homework and then we’ll be back to square one. Just think, these past few months, you haven’t been punished once for not doing homework, why to go back to that Seo Jun,” you say sadly, looking at Seo Jun, who seems to be avoiding making eye contact with you. Looking anywhere but at your face.

Seo Jun sighed annoyed, he knew you were looking at him, the minute he looked at you. He would give in. Then again, studying was just another excuse to spend time with you. Seo Jun knew that while you were serious about studying, he could get at least an hour or two of messing around with you.

Talking about anything and everything he could think of before you forced him to do his work. Seo Jun made eye contact with you, giving you a small smile. Nodding his head. Laughing when you nodded your head and excitedly started talking about the study plans you had been making in your head.

“As fascinating as your study plans are YN, let’s celebrate this by going out to get Ice Cream,” Hyun Ji said. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement though you were shaking your head, trying to get out of it. Seo Jun looked at you and said please. That was all it took for you to crumble and agree.

Hae Sung watched you from where he was standing in the corridor. The past few months without you had been horrible. He missed you terribly. Seeing your friendship with those in your class, annoyed him to no end. They didn’t deserve to be surrounded by your light, you were better off without them, they did nothing but bring you down. Eventually, you would figure that out and come back to him, but he wasn’t patient enough for that. He couldn’t figure out, what to do to get back into your life again.

Although last month you had talked to him and he had apologised for what he did and said. Sure, he didn’t mean it, he was a good enough actor to get you to believe him. So thank God that you were willing to forgive him. Even then, you still didn’t want to get back to normal with him and he didn’t know how to make that happen. This wasn’t like with Gong Jae Yi where he could make him go abroad. Hae Sung very well couldn’t get rid of your whole class, and Song Si Woo and Kim Cho Rong as well, but he had to do something.

At this rate, you and Han Seo Jun would get together and Lee Hae Sung would rather go blind than see you with that imbecile being all romantic together. You and Gong Jae Yi together had been enough to scar him for lifetimes to come. No, that was his worst nightmare. He needed to do something, to get you talking to him again. Once you were talking again, all he had to do was separate you from your class. Like he used to do and sooner or later they would all get tired of Hae Sung answering for you and that would be the end of those fledgeling friendships.

Chapter 9.

[nissakii]

Anime Quote Time pt.04

“I wonder if the first person to say ‘the opposite of fondness is indifference’ went to hell like they should have.” - Junpei Yoshino

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

This is a sentence we often hear from others when we grow up, as we still learn how our actions in life have consequences. Apart from the fact that “being nice” can be part of our morale as a child, we learn for ourselves through our lives what we wish to do.

As much as a human is free to do what they want, we live in a society where norms exist. There are things that are universally seen as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ which of course still might be different according to where you grew up and what you were taught.

In the end, what might be normal and acceptable for one person could be a horrible act for the other.

We have found some things that are approved by society, such as being nice and helping others as well as acts that are prohibited, like hurting and killing.

Now, if we would dive deeper into what morale is and what can ethically be acceptable, we would have a long journey ahead of us, but let us look together at a very interesting instance in which morale is displayed in Jujutsu Kaisen.

Junpei Yoshino is quickly introduced into the series as a young man in high school who is a victim of severe bullying from his peers.

Ibou Shouta, the hot-shot rich student whose popularity is through the roof, is the main culprit amongst others, which we can see out of Junpei’s perspective.

Junpei loves movies, and despite his school experience being extremely jarring, he tries to stand up for himself as he is ground to the dirt. We can see how he takes initiative in building his own movie enthusiasts club and tries to stay in the clubroom despite his bullies’ claim of stealing the room.

Still, in the end Junpei stays on the ground while he is being chastised as his frustration and malice inside him grows and grows.

Next to his scared and tormented side, we also catch a glimpse of Junpei in an environment that is supportive of him.

He has a wonderful and funny mother and even meets Itadori, who not only accepts him for who he is but also spends time with him. Junpei now laughs and smiles, has interesting views on the world and engages with his surroundings like any other happy person would.

From a watcher’s perspective though, we know that despite the good moments, Mahito is playing with the strings in the background. Throughout Junpei’s conversations with Mahito, we find out a lot about what the both of them seemingly think about the world.

Indifference is the virtue Junpei describes as truly what humans should strive for, but where does this sentiment come from? Clearly, we see that Junpei is a nice person with good intentions, he even thinks about how he cannot hurt anyone without tainting his own soul and also thinks of his mother in the process.

It is the excessive bullying and abuse he endures that makes him indifferent to his own struggles, swallowing his pain down and pushing through from day to day.

“The opposite of fondness is hate”, he says, while explaining that one cannot simply use indifference as an antonym for such a strong emotion like love.

When looking at the three terms ‘fondness’, ‘indifference’ and ‘hate’, indifference is the central middleground between the three. This is also what Junpei so strongly explains.

He continues with: “[...]went to hell like they should have”.

Junpei himself is indifferent to the people who hurt him, and even though most of his dark thoughts stay exactly that- thoughts, we can identify his tendency to think of people that hurt him the same way. His bullies, later on Shouta who supposedly cursed his mother and even Itadori.

Junpei distances himself from the view that fondness is the other side of the spectrum of indifference, because he tries to ignore the people that hurt him. It is when that indifference turns into hatred and malice especially channelled towards Shouta, that the tide shifts.

With Mahito as an enabler to Junpei’s dreary thoughts, making him believe that whatever he wants he should just take, be it lives or revenge, the highschool student quickly uses his sharp idealistic thinking to justify his actions.

With a morality that is based on ‘I’m allowed to hurt others if they deserve it’ and the fresh grief of losing his dear mother he goes on to flip the switch that has stopped him from acting out too much.

Junpei took a lot of thought into what his actions would do to him, as his mother was alive he contemplated on how what he would do to others might taint his soul, but Mahito’s grip on him was already strong.

The support and backing he got from Mahito was the first step in having Junpei believe that there was someone in his corner. Someone who understood him both intellectually and ethically. Mahito played on the pain Junpei went through and channeled it into a weapon that would grow from malice and the virtue that was so highly praised by Junpei.

Indifference.

With Mahito’s “people don’t have hearts”, Junpei found the last puzzle piece to his idealistic thinking. Seeing as he views most things in either a good or a bad light without looking much more into it, he found the justification that he needed with the chaotic cursed spirit that is Mahito.

He even furthers his constraint on the boy as he promises to sanction him, giving him the last push to permit Junpei’s actions after he played with him and his family. That is all that Junpei needs as he charges into a stage of anger and numbness when he attacks Itou Shouta.

In his mind, Shouta is one of the bad people who now deserve punishment.

It’s such a jarring difference from the happy and smiling Junpei we can see for a short moment before he gets stuck in a sort of despair that is unsettling to watch. In the end, the tragic tale could have been avoided if Mahito hadn’t elected Junpei as his new plaything, but it is still a thing to think about: is Junpei not at all to blame for his actions?

Yes, Mahito has had his fingers in this plan from the start. If he hadn’t, Junpei’s mother might still be alive and Itadori wouldn’t have to exist with the memory of losing a dear friend in such a horrendous way.

What does Junpei’s story tell us?

The interesting part here is that Junpei contradicts his own views and his quote “the opposite of fondness is hate”. He goes all the way to explain how hating someone and being indifferent to those emotions are very different things, yet in the end it is the anger that overtakes him.

If one is indifferent to other people’s demise, why is it that the hatred that Junpei feels for Shouta is the catalyst for killing him?

Does he feel indifferent to Shouta’s pain? Or is it his hatred for him that justifies his actions?

If Junpei was indifferent to the people bullying him this whole time, then the anger he felt after losing his mother was the reason he could ignore his previous doubts like “tainting his soul”

Anger made him blind, which is also what Itadori told him. In a rage, Junpei forgot all about his previous inhibitions and only strived for revenge.

It shows us how easy it can be to be nice to people who have had troubles in the past, but it also shows us how quick one can turn from a loving place in life to a dark one. A support system can not only be used in healthy ways, but they are also the backbone of toxic relationships.

Mahito made sure to give Junpei not only the support he needed to find some self-confidence, but also presented him with the idea that the indifference Junpei strived for was a normal instinct. He told him that indifference to human life is natural, if he wants to kill someone he should just do so.

Which in the end clears one thing up: Junpei was in fact indifferent to the pain he would cause because his hatred towards the one who he thought killed his mother was strong enough.

His story starts with the support of someone with low self-esteem and big ideas, and it ends with a tragic death that left Itadori with a piece of his heart missing.

[infinitxes]

Anonymous said:

I think that virgin Gojo does in fact make alot of sense and i agree with what you said, i also wanna add; just because he's a virgin doesn't mean that he's completely oblivious or innocent, i think that he's an AroAce and you already explained everything else which are my thoughts exactly.

I remember reading a q&a about him in that 0.5 volume where Gege said that he doesn't get many days off if at all? And he only chooses to slack off on his business trips! I don't know since when but i get the feeling that Gojo wasn't the same ever since Geto left, also I'm curious to know what do you think he was doing from the time he met Megumi up till vol 0 since we never got any info on it. Love hearing your thoughts.

Personally, I do think that Gojo feels romantic attraction. In my mind, he was romantically involved with Suguru. I just think he’s extremely selective (even more so after the kfc breakup), and that because Gege doesn’t have the romance subplot lined up for him, he’s neglected to introduce any other viable characters.

If you were to take all the characters out of context, I feel like I could see a relationship developing between Gojo and Nanami, or Gojo and Suguru! I think either pair have adequate chemistry. On the contrary, I think romance would be a very good way to help Satoru go through some much needed growth and development! I think it would really help push him a little more out of those juvenile (read:defense mechanism) characteristics, and fill that hollow where he didn’t get much familial love.

Yeah I think its somewhat canon that Gojo is just extremely busy. He tends to wander around on his missions (check out the audiodramas).

I think he really matured post-Suguru. It’s my personal take that there was a measure of reliance on Suguru during their highschool years, with Suguru being the ‘good-kid’ who was well-mannered and sensible and somewhat capable of keeping Satoru in line. After Suguru left, Satoru was forced to come into his own and re-evaluate his situation (e.g. being slapped with the order to execute his friend, starting to realize how much everyone relies on him, dying/the Riko-Toji incident/coming to terms with mortality). I think the separation exacerbated some of his negative traits and also pushed him into developing a whole range of really unhealthy coping mechanisms. I often write this period of his life as one where he distances himself from everyone around him by occupying himself with missions and starting to turn to flippancy to avoid the concern of others. It’s a horrible stretch for him, especially when you consider that he’s only 17-18 at the time and extremely impressionable.

As for Megumi/Tsumiki, I think he probably used his Gojo-resources to make sure they were well taken care of. I don’t think he was their primary guardian (again, he was a teenager who was still technically in school), but I think he would have definitely popped by from time to time to see and entertain them. I think a part of him felt somewhat guilty of the fact that he was the one to kill Toji and essentially orphan them. Concurrently, I feel that Toji continued to haunt him for years. Hence, he’d have felt a measure of subconscious reservation when interacting with them (haha you can see it in his face when he first meets Megumi). That said, I think taking care of the two played a pretty big role in his ‘getting over’ the incident!

I’ve got some suspicions about him playing a role in Tsumiki’s coma as well…

[delu-jean]

𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧

Oikawa x (fem!/reader) -> Angst -> 3.8k 

“She told me that she loved me by the water fountain. She told me that she loved me and she didn’t love him. And that was really lovely cause it was innocent, but now she has a cup with something else in it…”

Notes: This was for my 100 follower event! I will be closing it soon, but until then, if you’d like to request for an HQ boy, or any from the fandoms I write for, please feel free to request! 

-> Also, this one was a sad one. I recommend listening to the song, that way, you get the references made! 

-> Enjoy the Oikawa angst! ^^ 

“The water fountain…” he whispered. His lips were slightly ajar, parched, yearning for your presence. He was also frail, frail from the lack of composure, along with the crackling of his heart. 

“She told me that she loved me...by...by the water fountain,” he stammered, still not able to face the reality he was met with. 

“And she told me that she loved me...and she didn’t love him,” where did it all go wrong, when did it all go wrong, and why did it all go wrong? You told him that you loved him by that water fountain, but the only thing that seemed to flow...were the tears from him. 

---

You both were fairly young when getting together. Middle school, eventually led to highschool, and highschool...well...led to college. Oikawa and you were optimistic. Though he would be practicing (lots and lots), you wouldn’t be too far from him. Just a few dorms away. Not only that, but you both would see each other...every now and then You both were ecstatic. A new scenery, a new year, and a new chance for the both of you to experience the life of freshmen. Nothless, together. You both would be doing it together, closer than ever. 

Tooru was more than happy that you would get to cheer him on in college. It was always his dream to have a pretty girl praise him from the crowd, especially at the college of his dreams. The prime of his time, the best of his years, or...so he thought. 

When he brought you to his first practice, he didn’t like the sight as much as he thought he would. One of the middle blockers, Haru Tamagashi, was too...too friendly. He winked at you maybe three times during the practice. Making small flirtatious gestures, such as: smiling, waving, and indicating that all he wanted was your number. Of course, Oikawa was pissed, beyond that actually. But he decided to focus instead of fusing on his first day. 

That is...he tried to focus. At first, his attention was directed towards Tamagashi, and him alone. He had trusted you enough to know that you wouldn’t have responded...right? Even so, mid way...he couldn’t have helped but think of the thought: “what if?” What if you actually hadn’t deflected him, but were instead...enjoying his attention? He felt horrible for looking back, knowing that if he was wrong...he’d be the asshole for thinking twice. But unfortunately for him, he wasn’t...he was right during the time he wished he hadn’t been. 

The setter watched as your eyes followed the gentlemen. No hesitation whatsoever. It seemed as if you were interested in the game set before you. Not the match of course, but instead, the show Tamagashi had entertained you with. You yourself had waved back to him, smiling while also grabbing your phone. You were taking a video of the game, but Oikawa knew that it wasn’t of the court. No. It was of...him. The way your fingers pinched the screen, to the way your phone had moved to match his directions. It was obvious to say the least. Occasionally, you would’ve pointed the camera to Oikawa, smiling as he’d give you a frown. Only for you to return to recording the star of the show...dragging his morale as he’d eventually get hit in the face. Something that would never happen...especially if Iwaizumi was off court. 

“Oikawa, get your head out of the gutter!” 

“...” 

“Oikawa, did you hear me!?-” 

“Hey, pops, let him off the hook would ya?” Tamagashi said, while placing a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“I, how dare you-” 

“It’s the first day back, we could all use less of the hollering.” 

“Tch, five laps for you.” 

“Damn, alright. Welp, at least I got you off the hook,” the boy smirked, as Oikawa’s expression...wouldn’t change.  

“Well, see you soon. Also, I hope I can see you too!” he shouted while looking at you. Only for you to nod shyly. Oikawa could’ve sworn he saw a tint in your cheeks, but regardless, he was too upset to confront it. Even then, maybe he was over analyzing it. The dude didn’t know that you were his girlfriend, and after all, maybe he was just being self conscious. 

He was upset that he hadn’t trusted you at all during the game, and felt bad that he instead made you seem...villainy. Even though it might’ve just been his head all along. You see, Oikawa was the type of person who enjoyed praise. It fueled his ego alright, but in all truth, he had never felt like he embodied those expectations. 

Constantly pushing himself to be better, believing that he never was really that good. In this situation, he had thought that maybe those feelings...had come into play. Maybe the reason why he was thinking so much...was because Tamagashi seemed like everything he wasn’t. An outgoing, down to earth, charismatic person. He also might've been an even better player than he himself was. Not only that, but did he mention his hair? It looked amazing on him, along with the uniform. The creases folded on his body, each making his figure look...well, great. You could see his toned structure from a mile away, along with his sharp smile. One which struck confidence, and intimidation. 

And you...you looked like you could get with a guy like that. He seemed like a genuine person, and you were a genuine lady. One of which deserved a catch like him. He wouldn’t have denied that he pictured the image in his head. It felt sickening that he even brung up the vision, but even so...Oikawa tried pushing the thought away, thinking: 

‘Tch..whatever. He’s not that good looking anyways, Plus, he doesn’t know we’re dating...so I should tell him afterwards. But...that was nice of him to do. Yeah, you know what...maybe we could all be friends? Me, Y/n, and him?’ 

Maybe you all could’ve been, if only things had flowed a little different. If only the stream hadn’t gone off course, but instead, moved along to the water fountain. One with a secure, and sturdy future. One which wouldn’t have rusted, and collapsed in the moments to follow. 

“I’m back!” 

“Oh...you seemed tired,” he’d say, watching as Haru nodded. 

“Yeah, the old geezer isn’t fun sometimes...but he’s a nice person, I can guarantee that-” 

“Hey~” you’d smile, looking in Tooru's direction. He then lifted his hand, a soft, but saddened grin engraved onto his face. Only for it to turn into a sudden frown, as he then watched Tamagashi wave instead. 

“Well hello, doll~” you then chuckled, moving a strand to the back of your ear. Oikawa had only seen that on days where he’d made your heart sway, and yet there he was, watching as another man had done so instead. 

“Hey babe,” he’d say casually, catching your attention as you approached him. 

“Hi...Oikawa.” 

‘Oikawa?...not sweetie, or?-’ 

“Ahh, do you two know each other?” 

‘Now’s my chance.’ 

“Yeah, she’s my girlf-” 

“Haru, am I correct!? Thanks for doing that, I thought it was really nice for you to stand up for him like that.”

“Honestly, don’t please. It’s just something that I would do for anyone. Besides, I bet that you would’ve done the same for me, right Oikawa?” 

“Hm?...ah, I guess,” Tooru was now staring at you. He gave a stern look. One fueled with anger, and confusion. Yet it also had hints of remorse, and grief. Why had you cut him off, why hadn’t you called him by the name you usually did, and why were you putting the effort to talk with him?...Tamagashi? Just what exactly was running through that head of yours. One of which he thought he knew both in...and out. 

“Well...we have to go. So let’s leave Y/n,” he then grabbed your wrist, practically dragging you out of the arena. 

“Ah, see you two later then...I guess?” 

“B-bye Haru!” 

“Byee~” 

---

“What was that!?”

“What was what-”

“Why didn’t you call him kawa-kun, or baby like you usually do?”

“Tooru...you’re thinking a little much, don’t you think?-”

“Why did you cut me off when I was going to tell him that you’re my girlfriend?” 

“Love, I didn’t mean to-”

“But why did you!?” 

“Look, I was just trying to thank him. Plus, we needed to get going. So I thought to make it quick so that we could,” he’d then frown even more, not able to tell if you had told the truth, or, if you had made up excuses to get yourself out of this. He thought he knew what went on in that pretty head of yours, but at that moment, he wasn’t sure of what roamed around in that foreign land. The land, or rather...place he had called his home. 

He thought that your mind would’ve at least had a crevasse. One especially built, and reserved for him. One of which would’ve considered how he felt, or how the situation might’ve been interpreted. After all, not only did his thoughts roam endlessly for you, but so did the space in his heart. Regardless, it seemed as if it didn’t as you proceeded to tell him reason, after reason. 

“He was being friendly, and so was I.” 

“He’s your teammate, and I think it’s nice for me to get to know them.” 

“I love you regardless, so don’t worry.” 

“Regardless?...” What was that supposed to mean? Even though he would’ve wanted to question, his mouth just...wouldn’t allow it. So because of that, he dismissed the matter. Something he wished he didn’t do. 

---

Time passed and though he hated to admit it, he didn’t see both you, and haru, interacting as much as he did the first time. Though, it should’ve relieved him, it most definitely did not. Two things had him tied behind his back. One of them made him feel like a complete jerk for over-thinking, and the second was...that his thoughts had still made him over-think. For some reason, he still suspected the both of you. You both had minimal contact, making it seem like you never talked...but that was the thing, why would you have both stopped your talks? Just what exactly would have sparked such a thing? Still, maybe he was just over thinking. 

Regardless, he wanted to get the thought out of his head. He despised that it still lingered there, and that it wouldn’t be on it’s way. He hated the thought of confronting you. After all of that time, that trust should have been established. And even so, he still wanted to assure himself that it was there. So, he sat you down one day. Sometime during the winter where the snowflakes had fallen, along with his heart attached to many strings. Ones which you had placed, and ones which you would remove. 

“Hey babe-...Y/n.” 

“Hey Kawa...it’s been a while since we last met up…”

“Hm?...really?” the both of you hadn’t talked during the time period. Yes, you attended his matches, practices, etc...but then once he had finished you both made your separate ways. On the days where you both had expected to meet, one was busy, and the other was left on their own. Not making your situation any better. 

“Yeah...a month or two I think?” 

“Oh..I’m sorry about that,” he said, with a gruffed tone in his voice. He didn’t sound like he was doing too well, whereas you seemed just fine. “Why was that?” he wondered, well...it wouldn’t take him too long to find out “why” soon. 

“Hey baby…” a name which he hadn’t called you in so long, felt foreign to his mouth. Even though it should’ve felt...natural...along with your response. 

“Mhm?” you responded, reluctantly. That reaction was one he had never seen, not only that, but it was also one he wished he’d never witnessed. 

“I’ve had this thought lingering in my mind. I know it’s a little messed up...and I might be overreacting…” 

“Yes, what is it?” you immediately said, seeming anxious at the moment. 

“Well...it’s just that...there’s nothing between you and Tamagashi, is there? Aww see, I knew it would be dumb to ask,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Only your reaction...had made it plummet. 

Your eyes had widened at the statement. A cough escaped your mouth, along with a scare. One of which, also gave him a fright. There was no way he was right...especially about that out of all things. Why?...Why would you give him such a stare? Maybe it was out of surprise?...maybe even distraught that he would ever bring up such a question. One about your loyalty nonetheless. He wished he could’ve kept on making excuses, but couldn’t any longer as he then heard you say:

“N-no...where would you have heard such a thing? Did he say anything?...oh, he was probably joking. Joking is all, haha. No, I only love you silly, and you alone,” you said, to then grab his hand. 

For some reason, it felt off. The way your thumb caressed his skin, it was as if he could feel the guilt which had stroked against him. Why...why was that? He could obviously tell that you were guilty of something, but he wouldn’t confront it. Why...why was that? He obviously wasn’t up in his head, but still convinced himself he was. Why...why was that?...well...even if he didn’t have the answer, he would soon enough. In the way that he would’ve, yet wouldn’t have wanted it to be relayed. 

---

“YOU BASTARD! SO YOU HAVE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HER!?” 

“It was just a couple of kisses, besides, you have so many girls on your plate. I just took one off your hands, no biggie-” Oikawa then struck him across the cheek, furious about what he said. You weren’t just a snack anyone could take a bite out of. And heck, if you were a piece of food, you’d be a piece he’d preserve for as long as he could. One he would never touch because of the beautiful, intricate designs that were placed. 

“YOU SHIT HEAD! SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCKS SAKE! EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW-” 

“Who said I didn’t?” he cocked a brow, making Oikawa widen his eyes. 

“What?...”

“The girl told me herself before coming in to kiss me.” 

“You’re lying, take it back. She would never-”

“Oh but she did. But don’t worry, she did feel bad at some point...but we were in too deep for her to back out-” 

“SHUT UP!” Oikawa then tried to punch his gut, but Haru stopped him midway. He grabbed his wrist, and held onto it firmly. 

“If anything, you should be thanking me.” 

“Thanking you!? Are you out of your mind!-” 

“Well, I am telling you the truth about your cheater of a girlfriend. Plus, I took her off your hands, so you're free to go to find someone new. I’ll let her go soon, so we both won’t have to deal with her-” 

“Shut it...shut it…” Oikawa repeated, unable to comprehend the news he had heard. 

“Please...be quiet.” 

---

“Tooru, I can explain!” 

“EXPLAIN WHAT Y/N!? THAT YOU MADE OUT WITH HIM MORE THAN ONCE!? THAT YOU DENIED MY THOUGHTS, MAKING ME FEEL AS IF I WAS WRONG!? OR THAT YOU ACTUALLY CHEATED ON ME!? I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EXPLAIN ANYTHING Y/N!” 

“You know what, MAYBE I CAN’T! AND I WAS SORRY FOR THAT!” 

“IF YOU WERE SO SORRY, THEN WHY...why did you do it?...” you then leaned against the door, not sure how to convey your thoughts. You hated the sight of Oikawa being so hurt, but you had your reasons for what you did. Though you yourself knew that conflict could’ve been avoided, you decided to plumit yourself right in it. Maybe it was because you wanted to catch his attention, or that Yamagashi had really attracted you. Regardless, what was done, was done. And you wouldn’t be one to deny such accusations aymore. 

“Look...you weren’t giving me the attention I needed...besides...Tamagashi had caught my eye.” 

“Caught your eye?...” 

“Yeah...even so...it felt wrong the first time I kissed him.” 

‘She kissed him?...so he wasn’t lying...she started things…’ 

“I told him that we were dating, and you know...I did stop myself before going any further. I truly felt lonely during the days that you were gone...and him being there, gave me comfort. In all truth, I had met him even before you introduced us. We were in the same English class...and things built up from there. 

He was just...so enticing, something I hadn’t seen for a while. But Oikawa, I still had strings attached to you, and didn’t want to throw them away recklessly. I’m sorry, I loved you, I truly did. But...that connection just...disappeared, along with the spark we used to have. I hesitated out of my affection for you, but I proceeded out of the tiredness that built up from this, us...again, I’m sorry Oikawa. I hope that,” a tear had struck down your cheek. He wanted to reach out and wipe it. Just why...why were you crying. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one tearing up? So...why were you?.... Even though that question should’ve been asked out of rage, it was instead asked out of remorse. Oikawa didn’t know how to feel at that point. He didn’t even know who he was, or...who he had been during that time given. 

All that he knew was that if you were willing to fix things, so would he. That if you ever came back to the water fountain, the one you tried so hard to build, even if the handle had rusted, he would do his best to fix it. You know, he thought to himself how he should’ve built a home for the both of you, but alas, your naive natures would’ve never sustained. He questioned if he truly was at fault, not sure as to what was what, and why exactly that was. 

“I hope that...you’ll be happy. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but yeah,” you then wiped your own tears yourself. Not wanting to add anymore emphasis to the drama at hand. You lied though. Of course you wanted him to forgive you. He was your first love after all. The only one you had grown up with. The only one you stood by. And the only one, you would truly be grateful for. But then again, you knew you didn’t deserve it (it being his forgiveness). 

Although you didn’t regret your choices, you most definitely did regret hurting him. If only talking had been an option, would you have taken it? Well...you would’ve assumed no. Being that it was one of the few options given. Still, watching him stand limply, tore your heart ever so slightly. Reminding you that he was both the sweet, and innocent boy you had hopelessly fell in love with. Not only that, but he was also the distant, and maturing man you had fallen out of love with. 

“You...have you forgotten what you told me by that water fountain?” 

“What do you mean-” 

“The one we built together...have you forgotten?...” In all truth, you didn’t have any recollection because all that you had remembered...was the empty home the both of you shared. One with no running water, nonetheless a water fountain. One built out of your young, and blinded dreams. One which was full of loneliness, and miscommunication. One which was full of “love,” and loads of wishful dreaming. One which you would always remember. 

“No Tooru...all I remember...is that empty place we called a home. One made when we were both naive, and one I had left when I matured. I hope you can do the same, and that...you have a great day,” you then started to walk away as he stood there, stunned. 

Instead of asking him to fix things, you instead deflected things. Running away as he spoke. Even so, even if it was only a wish, one of which he’d pray for, he would do his best to make it come true. He tried one last time. He jolted your direction, grabbed your wrist, and started pulling you in. Whispering in your ear: 

“I know that it’s only a wish, and that we’re not standing by the water fountain...but you told me that you loved me by that water fountain. It’s a shame that your cup...now has something else in it,” you then pushed him off you, but he wouldn’t let you go as he held your for the last time. 

Had Tamagashi held you the same way he did? He wouldn’t know, and in all honesty, wouldn’t have cared. He was too lost in his head to even think of the guy, and only thought of you. If only things had been different, would you have come back to him? To the place you both called a home? Sure, it might’ve started when you both were young, but it would’ve stood stronger with the years to come. 

Well...he would’ve never got to know, because things...would’ve never been different. He should’ve built a home with a fountain for you both, but he was too young to think such a thought. Just like how you were so young, too young to feel as lonely as you did. The moment that you told him you were in love, he was…: 

“Too young...I was too young,” eventually, he did let go. Not just of you, but the thought that you both could return to what you both had. There was no returning. If the handle was broken, what could he have done? Fixing one would need all parts, and if you were one of the essential keys, well...even with the right bolts, and screws, ones that could have replaced you, still wouldn’t have mattered. You missing, would never fix a thing. It could never make that fountain whole, regardless of the patches which tried to stitch up the flood. One of which would eternally flow...never ending...just like his love for you. 

He glanced at you one time. Just one last time would he stare at his sweet Y/n. The girl who had stuck through with him, through thick and thin. The only person who knew, and loved him for him. And the only woman, who had truly broken his heart. Not caring for him one bit while she tore it all apart. 

“You’re right...we were too young,” he said, glancing at the floor beneath him. 

“Yes we were, and I was right indeed.” 

---

“She couldn’t be at home at the night time because, it made her feel alone-” he choked on his sentence. Though he should’ve been fine, he wasn’t really. He had tried to shield himself with his pride, but it wasn’t working the way he had intended. Regardless, Oikawa realized how the distance between your hearts...was more distant than the distance between your dorms. He thought that moving colleges would’ve made you drift, but in reality, it was the blameless nature, and the naive mindsets you both had. Those innocent gestures...had turned into a guilty, and corrupted bondage. The bond you had both shared was one he would always remember. The only one which had reminded him: 

“That we’re not standing by the water fountain.” 

@glorii-chan @iworshipyelena @tsukkisaurousrex​

[evilbeanghost]

Idk completely why, no matter how many times I read the books, I always feel that the notes in Snape's book were actually written by Lily, and not Severus. I have some minor supporting theories but other than that no real reason to think this way. For starters, a lot of the tips do look like they are written to someone and not just notes for the self. The larger reason is that the handwriting is mentioned several times to be effeminate. The handwriting is described in a way to make me think it's very distinctive and should be identifiable. It wouldn't be unreasonable at all to expect the golden trio to recognize Snape's handwriting, given they've now had 5 years of the man marking their essays, leaving notes on homework, and writing on the board. Even at approximately 15 years from the time of writing, Snape's handwriting wouldn't have changed so much that it's indistinguishable. Especially for Hermione who just kinda Does That. But as no one has any idea of Lily's handwriting at the time, that makes more sense to me that they wouldn't recognize it at all. It also makes more sense to me for why Snape would keep the book after all these years. If it was full of Lily's notes and advice, he'd be more likely to want to hold onto it, whereas I can't really see someone holding onto their old textbook for fifteen years, unless it's something lost in like an attic, but in this instance Snape would have had to have held onto it deliberately for it to end up out of his home and into his office six years later.(I believe he started working at hogwarts at 21, right?) He would have had to deliberately pack it into his belongings, and why would someone carry along an old textbook? Oh! And Slughorn calls Lily a potions prodigy, doesn't he? He commends snape for his skill but Lily was the natural at potions. If snape was the one correcting the book, it would stand to reason that he would be the prodigy!(I may be mixed up at this point, I haven't read HPB in years) Regardless, it just makes more sense to me for the notes to have been written to Severus from Lily, even if sectumsempra was created by Snape.

I believe this one is also from you Nonny:

Oh this is the HBP anon I just wanna make clear that I feel Snape's feelings towards Lily are 100% platonic, but didn't initially feel that was relevant to what I was saying.

Hey Nonny, 

Sorry for being so late in answering you - not been around much these last few days. I hope you will forgive me :)

There are a lot of theories about Snape’s Potions book (the dumbest being that this was James’ book *facepalm*), I personally I’m 100% convinced that those are indeed Snape’s notes. To address your clues about them being from Lily, here are my thoughts:

- have you ever written a journal? We do tend to write to someone in them, it’s the same here since it seems that the notes are way more than just potions tips and corrections going by Harry’s attachment to the Prince;

- handwriting has no gender, it’s a silly notion (this is coming from someone who was a little girl with a horribly messy handwriting). Also, I don’t know about you but if you compare my highschool notes to anything I handwrite today you wouldn’t be able to recognize it either. In particular if you were to compare notes cramped in the margin of a book and intended only for myself to something where I would put up way more effort like writing on a board for other people;

- About him keeping the book for that long, it does make sense since it’s full of experimental notes. I still have some chemistry notes from my Uni days that I kept even after my PhD because it was useful. It’s the same for Snape here I think, especially since we never hear about any post highschool education in the wizarding world. There is also the possibility, since it was found among other old potions books, that Hogwarts keep old books to lend to students in need and Snapes’s happened to be among these old books;

- Now, about Slughorn, you need to take some things into account. First, when we see him talking about Lily’s potions skills, it’s always to Harry. It makes sense that for an orphan hearing about his mother is way more relevant in that context than his hated potion professor, even if the latter was equally good or even better. Add to this that Lily was pretty and popular while Snape was dirty poor and an oddball and it’s not difficult to imagine old Sluggy preferring Lily to Severus even if their skills were equals. Since I already did some dig up in the books about that specific topic, allow me to quote myself here:

I dug up my old copy of HBP in order to see exactly what Slughorn had to say about Snape’s abilities at Potions and it is cementing my first take that Severus was indeed the exceptional student while Lily was “just” very good.

This is from the chapter “The Unbreakable Vow” in HBP, the scene during the Slug Club where Slughorn is praising Harry’s skills to Trelawney just before Snape appears:

‘But I don’t think I’ve ever known such a natural at Potions!’ said Slughorn, regarding Harry with a fond, if bloodshot, eye. ‘Instinctive, you know — like his mother! I’ve only ever taught a few with this kind of ability, I can tell you that , Sybill — why, even Severus –’

That last bit clearly illustrate for me that for Slughorn, there were a handful of very good instinctive students – Like Lily –, and then Severus Snape above them.

And a little bit further, while raving about Harry’s Draught of the Living Death to Snape himself:

‘You should have seen what he gave me, first lesson, the Draught of the Living Death – never had a student produce finer on a first attempt, I don’t think even you, Severus –’

Again, it sounds as if Severus Snape was, until Harry, the unchallenged best student Slughorn ever had.

So you see, for me, it’s Snape’s book, it’s Snape’s nickname (I would pay to see his adult self cringe hard at his ridiculous teenage nickname tbh) and it’s definitely Snape’s notes. 

It’s also very important that those are indeed from Severus Snape from a narrative point of view. The connection Harry felt, his deep empathy for the Prince coupled with how good he suddenly was in Potions under his tutelage is so important:

- it shows how similar Harry and Snape are despite their unfortunate hatred, a parallel (along with Voldemort), that is pointed out several times in the books (the lost boys who call Hogwarts “home”);

- it shows that Harry, while looking like James, is indeed more like Lily in nature and felt instantly deeply connected with young Severus, they could have been best friends;

- Harry’s relationship with the Prince indeed parallels Lily’s relationship with Severus: a deep connection of true kinship, a fascination deep fried in a thirst for knowledge, a visceral feeling of closeness, and then: betrayal.

- it shows that, despite the mean professor persona, Snape could have been an excellent teacher to Harry, if only he could have let go of his bitterness;

- it’s important because it’s a rare window into the true Severus Snape, not an act he’s putting up for the world to see. It was the first clue about his true nature and it’s very interesting that it was given to us just before Snape killed Dumbledore, apparently casting him as evil in the eyes of Harry and by extension the reader. 

Here it is friend, I hope I could convince you and if not, it’s ok, it was a fun discussion. Thank you for the ask.