#even moreso if youre using the same FUCKING SHADE

[cloudyvulpine]

he COULD be an 8 or something but he wears a beige coat with beige pants (the same shade)

[izzyspussy]

Some time ago, I think you sent an ask to @second-hand-heaven asking about Izzy in the middle headcanons and they responded with literal sleepy time positions while you were half expecting sexy hcs. So now I'm asking for your sexy Izzy in the middle hcs 👀~ blackhannet anon

izzy likes to be kinda ganged up on, and they like to gang up on him

they also like to pass him back and forth to kiss and fondle until he gets fed up with it and insists that they get the fuck off him and get in fucking bed with him for fuck's sake

in the beginning when the above was happening he would get fed up and demand that they "pick one" despite the fact that he really should be the one picking one of them, if picking is indeed necessary

(it isn't. as he duly learns.)

sometimes they play fight over him and he finds this deeply embarrassing. never fails to make him cranky-bashful, which is ofc the point (other than stede and ed getting to have a sexy little wrassle)

stede likes to tie izzy to ed, rather than to say the bed frame or a chair or whatever

in the beginning when things still have a shade of the 'enemies' part of 'enemies-to-lovers' with stede, they DP him with him facing stede because vulnerability is oh so so sexy, and even moreso when it's with someone it's novel and a Big Deal with

they like to kiss him at the same time, not despite the fact that both of their tongues cannot really fit in his mouth at once but because of it

he likes to be overwhelmed and the simplest way to do that is to utterly surround him

sometimes when izzy is topping stede, ed will curl around his back and whisper directions in his ear, maybe even grab his hips and manually control his pace, which will often make him come early, which they will tease him for and use as an "excuse" why he shouldn't top (he doesn't prefer topping anyway, and he likes the humiliation play)

[sonofthesaiyans]

Sasha’s Connections....

If Sasha had LIVED, as she had every right to and should have for the sake of this story, what among her many relationships do you think should have gotten far more emphasis and actual screentime? 

Let’s touch on a few, shall we? 

1) Her relationship with her father didn’t get much screentime but it was pretty well defined. And he owed far more to Sasha than to effectively pardon the very person who ripped her away from him. So that unfortunately taints what was one of the healthier family connections of the series. Gabi is not Artur’s daughter, SASHA IS. 

2) These two were roommates? Let alone friends? You could’ve fooled me as Mikasa only ever looked out for her forbidden, the one she never really had any real shot at a future with. Sasha is the ONLY person I can casually ship with Mikasa without much issue as they in theory would make a great duo. Sasha’s lightheartedness and optimism counteracting Mikasa’s somewhat more jaded and reserved nature. But it is NEVER properly exploited. Making how Mikasa reacts to the events of season four feel hollow and superficial. And again, forgiving the person who took one of your closest friends away from you? Again, they spent almost a solid decade as comrades from training to the war with Marley. That closeness should’ve gotten a lot more focus but true to form, Isayama didn’t think it wise to legitimize plot points he specifically introduced. It would’ve helped Mikasa’s character immensely to see her interact with anybody else on the same level she did with Eren or Armin. Sasha could’ve been the perfect remedy. 

3) Ymir certainly liked to take her cheap shots at Sasha, they may not have been best pals but there was enough to suggest the two could rib each other pretty casually and still get along begrudgingly. Ymir is perhaps the only other character far more screwed over than Sasha among the ones we did lose, and it would’ve been fun to see these two unlikely companions get along more. Especially since Ymir helped Sasha to evolve into a stronger person on her own terms, to a certain degree, by letting go of her self-consciousness. They were two of the most fascinating girls in the series, moreso than Mikasa, you can quote me on that too by the way. If it meant more of both Ymir and Sasha, then they both should’ve stayed put throwing shade at each other.

4) If you’re not at all perturbed by the fact that Sasha NEVER shared a scene with her own mother, there’s absolutely something wrong with you. No relationship, no insight into what kind of bond they shared, you’re telling me it’s okay to have Lisa hug the person who took away her daughter but not her actual daughter? Top contender for most offensive scene in season four, barring that fucking finale. 

5) Gee, Sasha risks her life to save Kaya in what is undoubtedly her most badass moment of the entire show, the only one where she was squarely the main focus, and we never actually get to see the two of them as actual sisters. It’s all purely informed and thus, their connection is never properly explored aside from what Kaya tells us. I am NOT okay with this. Sure makes her trauma feel that much more forced for it after the events of season four. We absolutely deserved to see those two as an actual family. Imagine how meaningful that would’ve been, to see it instead of having it narrated to us. 

They don’t even give the other kids adopted by the Brauses names, btw, people. Has anyone ever stopped to acknowledge this? 

6) According to some sources, Hange was called “Glasses Sasha” by some fans due to their very similar appearance. We even have perhaps the only funny bit from anything in the timeskip where Hange tried to pass off the younger Sasha as her “Big Sis”. The idea of these two being pals is a very welcome idea. They do look similar and they’re both as I said, the true heart of the series, a position they both hold equal measures. Is such a potentially interesting friendship ever properly exploited? Hell, no. And that’s hard to get past. 

7) What about EREN? One of Sasha’s oldest comrades who she supported from start to finish through all the hell they were put through? For such a friendship that SUPPOSEDLY influenced Eren profoundly in the timeskip, they had almost no meaningful one-on-ones. Again, because Isayama is basically M. Night Shyamalan: TELL, DON’T SHOW. I’m sorry, I’m not buying his reaction in that episode that must never be shown to human eyes again. Their relationship is far too underdeveloped for me to believe it had such a profound impact on Eren’s continuance of the Rumbling. If it had meant that much to him......I think we all know what he would’ve done without any hesitation. And after what we find out about his feelings about Mikasa.........It makes even less sense to believe he really cared as much as that breakdown might’ve implied. 

Sad we never got Sasha’s reaction to Eren’s rampage. I think after a good cry, the girl would’ve flipped her shit that Eren betrayed all they fought for. It would’ve been a profound case of “I did not sign up for this!” 

8) I’m sorry. Was I supposed to feel anything for this guy? Niccolo shared all of ONE FLASHBACK with Sasha, and this is supposed to constitute even an implied relationship? 

Once again, Isayama is all TELL, DON’T SHOW. 

NicoSasha is some of the fakest shipper fuel I’ve ever seen, and possibly the least credible pairing on a canon or fanon level. All we ever got of Sasha’s side of this implied relationship was that she loved his cooking. But not even Kaya knew for certain if any actual dating was going on between them. A pairing that has absolutely no shared screentime beyond one scene doesn’t have any business being played up as a major plot point, even with all the influence Sasha is stated to have had on Niccolo’s mindset. As I explained to a friend at length, Niccolo is nothing more than a plot device. What could’ve been if Isayama made any committed effort to make him feel like a three-dimensional character who had anything beyond an informed crush on Sasha. 

Again, would’ve been interesting to see her reaction to the whole wine scheme. 

9) Yes. I’ll be the one to say it. Gabi’s story might’ve been much more tolerable if she had never been the one to take Sasha out. If they didn’t insist on reducing Sasha to a bunch of unwarranted parallels between the two girls. Their story could’ve been so much more compelling if Sasha and Gabi had any proper interaction after Liberio, if Sasha was there in person to make Gabi see the light, there are so many ways this could’ve worked to the benefit of the story. Instead of making it easy to call out Gabi as a hollow replacement to a beloved character who just happened to possess the same combat skills. 

That is the ONLY leniency I’m willing to give Gabi Braun, that if she and Sasha had properly interacted and if the story made room for them both, it could’ve worked to the benefit of both sides, instead of Isayama flagrantly catering to only one and in doing so, bringing up a fanatical faction within the fandom. The potential was there, and I’d have much rather gotten that version of the timeskip. 

It hurts to love Sasha as much as I do, she deserves so much more and so did we. I will continue to stand up for her, and to call out both Isayama and his fans for the excuses they make for abusing the good elements of this series. 

Somebody please make a #justiceforsasha tag, my fight here is far from over. 

[landofspaceandrainbows]

ok, first draft of Doom!Sam (AweSamdude ) analysis post time!

from a previous post i just made:

ranboo may have ( maybe partially?  i suspect not fully ) won!!

ranboo: “let me in the prison sam, please”

technoblade: “why is he taking ranboo into the prison?? “

-

ranboo: “i’ll take off my armor, i’ll take off my armor.”

sam:  “take off all your armor”

and sam may be learning a bit finally, yay!  even if it took him handing Dream at least two more* fucking victims first and fucking up.  but still!

* tommy and ghostbur.  also ranboo and even dream himself at this moment could be seen as victims of dream’s machinations while he’s in prison.  and maybe even quackity n sam in a moral injury sort of way.

classpect flavored analysis incoming in a bit?  hint: doom and life.

ok, but what tf did i mean by “he’s learning” ?

first, classpect time:

 it may be sort of clumsy, or not quite on the money, because in part the homestuck aspects were developed for another story, or i may just be wrong -  but Character!Sam (aka AweSamdude) is such a doom player/captor it hurts

- like the whole prt of his character that is willing to face and give out consequences for the greater good, 

- the whole prison/warden thing as a whole which can be broken down more into seprate points probably, 

- all the redstone!  his capacity with building and intricate use of redstone structures, which are the in-universe version of electronics and computer code.  which coding is heavily doom-flavored. 

- maybe even more than the prison guard, maybe in even in his heart, though people tend to forget about it, he was the prison builder first.

- but also like.... the fact that he's a literal creeper.  a mob capable of "going out with a bang" in true Captor style??

next part - and putting this bluntly because this isn’t a smooth draft, Sam is good (hearted) but has problems.  not in the psych euphemism sense, but like o boy does he keep having and making more problems in his situation.

to quote:

even if it took him handing Dream at least two more* fucking victims first - * tommy and ghostbur.  also ranboo and even dream himself at this moment could be seen as victims of dream’s machinations while he’s in prison.  and maybe even quackity n sam in a moral injury sort of way.

if we’re going to look at this from a classpect pov, which we;ve already said we’re going to here, so let’s roll with it - there’s lots of shades of gray, but two major ways to fuck up and not end up using your aspect’s powers to it’s best - and not be your best, not in some hypothetical way but the best at being you.

Homestuck aspects deal a lot in the anima, so the two ways tend to be 1. over expressing (ignoring the bits of your opposite aspect that could make things truly shine, and how even dark things are connected under the surface) and going too far. or 2. misreading the situation and going in as your flipped opposite - nothing but anima and becoming inverted.

for over expressing, man this seems pretty obvious if we want to read things this way, he sure does manage to bring down a lot of doom on the people around him through his own mistakes, not just the people he wants to, and who should be bound because their actions harm others (Dream) but also bystanders or victims like ranboo, tommy, ghostbur.

but the case for inversion is also very interesting - the opposite of Doom is Life - and life as an aspect ( whereas doom is all about subtle understanding, limitation, sacrifice, and understanding rules well enough to break them) life is about empowerment, raw power, the same way life powers a body it drives to be able to do a million things it might want to do.  sam is certainly confused and new at this at the beginning - and in a way he doesn’t just limit, he empowers!  because he falls and becomes manipulated by quackity, sam empowers Dream himself by bringing him new victims through his incompetence,  and moreso, he empowers quackity to do torture on Dream, day after day after day.  in a way, he even empowers dream in an even weirder way.  as sam points out in one of his good-hearted angry moments, parts of the prison were actually designed by Dream to torture his victims if he ended up imprisoning any.  And by continuing these practices, it’s like Sam is allowing Past!Dream to torment Present!Dream, giving him one more victim. 

and looking at this from an inversion standpoint, and looking at what i see of sam, here’s what i see.  he visited tommy first and more than most in exile, he has a good heart, and i can hear it in his voice talking to ghostbur and tommy, and in his anger at dream’s plans to lock tommy in prison.  But he also has this intricate mind that can build with redstone, and build the prison itself. 

(and note, part of the following is influenced by me being a kinky mf’er, others may see it differently)

....   but he doesn’t see how they can go together.  he doesn’t get how he can be a builder of locks and a good person. he sees the prison as a necessary evil that he’s willing to go along with (which is a sketchy attitude right there) but because of issues, can’t see any of the.... potential for actual positives?  like when he grieves and blames himself for hurting tommy - he goes away to a very simple cabin far away, planting the simplest garden - just 8 squares big.  to him the harm and the machinery are one.  But subconciously he’s also doing things in a very coder-ly way.  if you can’t figure out the solution, go back and make a simpler program.  many people start out making a simple counting program in basic a!

once again, maybe this is me just being kinky, but ranboo also brought it up, sometimes locks can be useful, and obsidian and redstone lamps can be everything from foreboding to comforting.  Though his general mistrust is right as incarceration is generally a horror.  but his disconnection means he’s also missing out on little things he can do to make the situation better!  Dream when he designed the prison sure as hell didn’t care about the safety of visitors or victims, and Sam isn’t stepping in yet and helping with that either.

this does rely on assuming control - and in stressful situations most people just act on instinct.  but i know from martial arts, part of training for jobs like this is training for partial control in those circumstances, and to the extent it’s not just instinct, sam’s choices show some shady things about his values at the beginning of the arc.

to the extent he has that “control” - he has a mind that can build devices, and come up with finely crafted multi page contracts.  he can add little things, if he’s willing to see the visitors as people more than Dream did. and listen to them.

if i could talk to Sam in universe, i would like to give him a hug, but also say that a mind that can work out the timing on a stack of 12 redstone timers in a row, can also change the timing of procedure to tell a visitor to take two steps back onto the bridge to safety, before pulling the bridge away.  if a redstone system works, but in the process damages a precious part within it, it can be rebuilt.

(and if a certain someone wants to run “experiments”, experiments can benefit from designed protective equipment and controlled surroundings)

but he does have a good heart. and as for listening to people other than Dream....

  “let me in the prison sam, please”

i think he might be getting it, if very slowly.

[doubleca5t]

What Your Favorite Marvel (Avengers) Ship Says About You

HUGE shoutout to @runawaymarbles for helping me put this one together. Couldn’t have done it without you!!

Transcription below the cut

Stucky (Steve/Bucky) - Whenever you see a really long fic tagged “hurt/comfort” your eyes go wide because you know what you’re going to be doing until 3am

Pepperony (Pepper/Tony) - You thought 50 Shades of Grey would have been better if the girl was the dom

Stony (Steve/Tony) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is a bickering married couple

Starmora (Peter Quil/Gamora) - Your ideal relationship dynamic is sitcom wife/sitcom husband

Iron Husbands (Rhodey/Tony) - Your ideal relationships dynamic is that meme that’s like “hoe don’t do it… oh my god” but somehow both partners are the hoe

Clintasha (Clint/Natasha) - You think the avengers movies just haven’t been as good since the first one

FrostIron (Loki/Tony) - You don’t understand the people who think these movies have too many jokes and quips. As far as you’re concerned, they don’t have enough.

Thorki (Loki/Thor) - You were writing supernatural slash BEFORE Castiel was introduced

Science Boyfriends (Bruce/Tony) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of doing science

Iron Winter (Tony/Bucky) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of wanting to kill each other

Winter Widow (Bucky/Natasha) - You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma

Phlint (Phil/Clint) - You are a firm believer in ignoring the main cast in favor of the funny side characters

Steggy (Steve/Peggy) - You just wanted good things for Peggy, and really, who wouldn’t?

IronDad [Yes I know this is the platonic ship name and it should actually be called Starker. I fucked up, okay. Hoobastank voice I’m not a perfect person] (Tony/Peter Paker) - You unironically browse the teacher crush tag on tumblr (FBI OPEN UP!!!)

SamSteve (Sam/Steve) - You think the concept of opposites attract is HIGHLY overrated

Romanogers (Natasha/Steve) - You think the concept of opposites attract cannot be highly rated enough

Scarlet Vision (Wanda/Vision) - You’re always a slut for awkward nerds

Claura (Clint/Laura) - You’re always a slut for retiring to the country to live a quiet life

Fosterson (Jane/Thor) - You’re always a slut for a good romcom

Thunderscience (Thor/Bruce) - You’re also a slut for a good romcom, but your definition of a romcom includes Thor Ragnarok

IronStrange (Tony/Dr. Strange) - I was gonna say this is just the same joke as Steve and Tony but even moreso, but I don’t know if a pairing can qualify for bickering married couple status if they never liked each other in the first place

Winterhawk (Bucky/Clint) - You downloaded the Jeremy Renner app

Shieldshock (Steve/Darcy) - I can’t guarantee that you’ve masturbated to that clip of Steve splitting a piece of wood in half with his bare hands, but it’s a very real possibility

Tasertricks (Darcy/Loki) - I can’t guarantee that you wrote self-insert x Draco fanfic growing up, but it’s a very real possibility.

Brutasha (Bruce/Natasha) - You don’t get what all the hate was about, Age of Ultron was great!

SamBucky (Sam/Bucky) - You think the best way to resolve a love triangle is by ignoring the axis

Wintershock (Bucky/Darcy) - Your favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast

Blackhill (Natasha/Maria Hill) - You’re just here for some secret agent women

Black Pepper (Pepper/Natasha) - You’re just here for some women who can step on you

Warfrost (Sif/Loki) - You’re just here for some MEN 👏 GETTING 👏 PEGGED 👏

Thundershield (Thor/Steve) - You don’t understand people who think the term “himbo” is overused. If anything, you think it isn’t being used enough.

Frostshield (Loki/Steve) - You believe every good lawful good paladin needs a chaotic neutral bard to balance him out

Danbeau (Carol/Maria Rambeau) - You just want good things for Carol, and really, who wouldn’t? Well I know who wouldn’t but we don’t have to get into that.

[kkgbutsane]

Lunch

lmao they’re dorks

“Wait, so you both panicked over the new girls? You both… got confused by them!?” Ryota couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His friends were crushing on the new twin sisters. It also seemed like everyone else was, except for their friend group it seemed. They were the talk of the school, mainly known for their stark white hair. Blue eyes, only barely differentiated by the slightest of shades, where one was more seagreen while the other moreso aqua.

Sayaka groaned, unable to focus on the homework at hand. She was totally, utterly smitten. Whipped. She was crushing on the new girl. The new girl with pretty features and a weird shade of lipstick but oh my God she adored how the girl spoke.

Kirari Momobami was going to be the death of her.

Mary wasn’t faring so well either, absolutely whipped by Kirari’s sister, Ririka. “Sayaka… help me please…,” she whined, pouting while slamming her head against the table. Again. “FUCK!” she yelled. “Why do I keep doing that, dammit!” The blonde rubbed at her temples to alleviate some sort of pain. “Maybe because you’re gay and absolutely whipped for a girl who thinks wearing ‘Poggers’ sweatshirts is cute,” Ryota replied, taking a sip out of his water.

“It is cute, fuck you!” Mary chided, flicking her best friend’s forehead. The boy just snorted and went back to eating his lunch. “Do they have this lunch?” he then asked, looking around to possibly find silvery hair. “Oh, one of them does.”

“WHAT!? WHO!?” two voices yelled, belonging to Sayaka and Mary respectively. “It’s… the one in the sweatshirt…,” Ryota then continued.

In a flash, Mary was gone to talk to her. Or at least attempt to. “Errr…,” Ryota said, just going back to eating. He was maybe possibly terrified of his friend. “I wish Kirari were here… she’s so inviting,” Sayaka complained. Ryota raised his eyebrows as a figure appeared behind Sayaka.

“Oh? You wish I were with you?” a silky voice spoke, causing the ink-haired girl to squeak, and bump her knee on the table. “Shit!” Sayaka yelped, grasping at her now bruised knee. It took her a few seconds to realize she was being asked a question. “Wha- Oh! Kirari! It’s nice to see you!” Sayaka managed, waving at the senior with a small, embarrassed smile.

Whipped.

Ryota tried not to snort at the situation. Seeing his friends having a good time, or rather this sort of time was comforting. It reminded him that they were in fact, human and not just students at a school.

Midari sauntered over after hearing the commotion with her lunch, snorting for Ryota. “Sup. you Sayaka’s new friend?” she asked, a shit-eating grin on her face. She sat on the table and began eating her lunch. Yuriko trudged over soon after, eating her lunch quickly and then promptly snuggling up to Midari. Sayaka rolled her eyes and gave the one-eyed girl a thumbs up.

“Oh hush, you’re totally whipped,” Midari teased. “Not as much as you,” Sayaka retorted.

Kirari only chuckled. “Is she a friend?” the girl asked, raising an eyebrow. “Yes. and ONLY a friend,” Sayaka clarified. “I’d sure hope so. You’re quite the catch, you know.”

It was Yuriko’s turn to snort. She wondered if Sayaka understood the implications of that statement.

“Quite the… beautiful fish in this long vast sea,” Kirari continued, smiling softly. “I do hope we can talk again soon, Sa~ya~ka~.” And then she left.

Sayaka had basically short-circuited after the ‘quite a catch’ statement.

“Was-was she flirting with me?” the girl asked after a few minutes of gawking. Ryota started laughing. “Yes! She was!” he responded. Midari started cackling while nodding and Yuriko gave Sayaka a thumbs-up.

“Oh damn… WAIT! I DIDN’T GET HER NUMBER!” Sayaka shouted, desperately running after the apple of her purple eyes.

Ryota’s lunch was very exciting today.

Mary was getting through the crowd, trying to find a chance to speak to her new friend. She wanted to invite the girl over to her table, maybe get to know her better. Maybe introduce her to her friends!

She bumped into a stranger suddenly, stumbling back a bit. They seemed quite tall. “Ack! What the-” “Mary?” the blonde stopped her sentence in her tracks when she heard the shy voice she was so whipped for. “Riri! I mean Ririka! Hi! I was… just looking for you!” Mary tried, trying to cover up her previous embarrassment with some idle chatter.

“Oh. Was there something you needed?” Ririka asked, a smile forming on her lips. Her lips looked so soft.

Mary was absolutely simping for this girl.

“Oh! Yeah. I was wondering if… you wanted to sit by us today? It’s your first day here and I wanna make sure you’re feeling alright about it all,” Mary requested confidently, trying to put on a mask of ‘I’m a fucking top’ when she really wasn’t.

Ririka thought for a moment. The girl was quite nice, despite her harsh exterior. She was inviting her to sit with her group of friends. Maybe she could finally socialize!

Mary continued. “You don’t need to talk or anything if you don’t wanna. Whatever is comfortable with you!” Mary started scratching behind her neck. This was awkward.

“Sure,” Ririka finally replied, a small flush dusting her cheeks. Mary’s face lit up at this, and it made Ririka feel all bubbly inside.

She kinda wanted to see it again.

“You’re really cute,” the silver-haired girl said, not recognizing the implications of that statement as Mary walked with her to the table. “Wh- uh… Thanks!” she returned, smiling brightly again. Ririka really liked that face. She really wanted to see it again now.

“Where’s Yumeko?” Ryota asked when they got to the table. “I’m pretty sure she has Wind Ensemble right now. “Wind Ensemble? My sister has Wind Ensemble too!” Ririka said, face brightening at the mention of her sister.

“Oh yeah, we just saw her. I’m pretty sure she was flirting with your friend, Sayaka,” Midari interjected, running a hand through Yuriko’s locks.

Gay.

“Probably saw her on the way to the bathroom. I swear my sister has a bladder the size of a pin-pong ball…,” Ririka sighed. She felt comfortable around these people. Maybe it would be a good group to hang out with.

Mary laughed, almost choking on the water she was drinking. “Fucking shit, seriously!?” she wheezed, imagining the prospect of that statement. “Unfortunately. It gets annoying, but we live with it,” Ririka sighed.

“Well. I think Sayaka short-circuited from that one. She also went to get your sister’s number,” Ryota said, drinking some water. He had to stay hydrated, after all.

“Oh yeah! What’s your number? If you want, I can add you to the group chat we’ve made,” Mary asked, pulling out her phone. Ririka saw no reason to refuse. Mary was quite nice to her and made her feel comfortable. Ryota seemed nice enough, same with Midari and the brunette she was currently holding.

“I got it!” Sayaka yelled from afar, sprinting over to the table and panting. She held up her phone triumphantly. “She even took a selfie for the contact picture! I’m adding her to the group chat, if that’s okay of course- oh. Hi Ririka.” the girl sat down on the seat, waving her hand at their new friend. “Hello,” she responded.

“WHIPPED!” Midari yelled, cackling before getting flicked on the forehead by Yuriko for causing too much movement.

“So are you guys… together?” Ryota asked, eyeing the pair on the table. “Nah. she just likes hugs and cuddles,” Midari chuckled. In truth, the girl had been harboring feelings for her sleeping friend for a good 3 years now.

On God, everyone was just waiting for them to get together.

“Alright. I’m gonna go on a run, I have privilege after this so I’m gonna actually use it,” Ryota said, grabbing his gear. “I have privilege too. Mind if I come with?” Mary asked. “Please… I’m doing weighted runs, and I might need moral support for this.”

“How much weight?” Ririka asked, now suddenly interested. “50 pounds,” Ryota replied, sighing in horror at the thought. “You don’t seem to want to do it, why are you doing it then?”

The girl’s seagreen eyes were looking for an answer.

“He wants to be a firefighter, and is training himself to carry the weight while running. It’s been gradual obviously, but he’s taking this leap,” Mary said for him.

“Oh. Good luck. Maybe we can run sometime?” Ririka smiled softly. She was… secretly a gym rat. “Sure! I’d love a running partner!” Ryota gave her a thumbs up and then jogged over to the locker rooms to get changed.

“I’d better go help him. What he’s doing is really hard, so I wanna be there to support him.” Mary smiled, grabbing her backpack. “Wanna come with?” she prompted, giving her newfound friend a solid smile. “I have privilege too, so I don’t mind joining,” Ririka giggled.

“By the way, are you and Ryota together?” the girl finally asked. Mary stared at her new friend for a second, then absolutely bursting into laughter. “Oh HELL no. We dated like 2 years ago and just… no thanks. I love him. He’s my best friend but I don’t love him like that.”

Ririka nodded.

She was so fucking cute.

[kihaku-gato]

What fruit is your favourite to grow?

Being that it’s mostly my family that grows the edibles (whereas I am moreso ornamental) most of my experience is secondhand. I’d say most of the ones I’ve gotten to try I’ve enjoyed, but I’ll narrow it down to stuff that I’ve actually had to participate in maintenance of and/or actually don’t mind eating;

Strawberries

While they were annoying for a lot of reasons (part of it being THE HUNGRY BIRDS and being so low to ground which makes them very anti-Gato) I’d like to put Strawberries at the top of the list. Mainly cause I like strawberries a lot. I love their flowers, and if they are runner-type it doesn’t take too much to fill up a space. I regret not keeping any Alpine strawberries that I grew from seed once (sold them all) as I really was curious about their taste. While we regrettably no longer have domestic strawberries on the property (their maintenance demands and the birds outweighed the rewards) I do have some wild strawberries some greenhouse pots, and I hope to put strawberries wild or otherwise into the actual regular gardenbeds just for the fuck of it.

Asimina triloba

I probably don’t have the right to put this one on the list as none that I am growing rn are at any point of even flowering age much less fruiting, but still. The delicacy of handling sprouting seeds/saplings and the contrast of having to give themt the taste of the harsh canadian winter as seeds.

My overwintering luck with them is a very hard hit/miss (my potted seedlings have had a high survival rate this year specifically cause they were sheltered in the cold garage overwinter this year- if I hadn’t the fatality rate would’ve been much higher I’m sure). I have a lot of affection for them cause of trying grow them from seed since College. I currently only have one decent size sapling in the fruit orchard (I’m tempted to take it out of its tree shelter this year but at the same time I’m equally tempted to just put it in a larger one) but I hope to get a partner for it to successfully survive the orchard since you need a pair to get them to pollinate for fruit. The fact they fruit best in sun but need to be started/raised as babies in shade is different from what most are used to for raising plants in general.

I don’t hate the taste of the fruit but I don’t love it either. It’s just interesting/different flavour and texture. I would like to try to delve into recipes with them if I was more of a chef.

Apples

At this current time apple trees are the one fruit plant/tree that I’m most participating in helping care for and grow on the property so if we were getting nittty gritty it may actually be the only one to actually count for “is growing/caring for and getting fruit from“.

I’m picky with my palette for apples; sweet like Ambrosia and Honeycrisp (part of why we now have two saplings in the orchard), I don’t like the sourish taste of other types (my parents in contrast have more preference for Pie apple types), I can only enjoy other tastes if its blended with the sweet varieties in the form of apple juice. Apple trees can be idiotic hazards to themselves with how they grow when unattended but at the same time can be very very resilient and will avoid their appointments with Death for as long as a tree can try to be.

That being said, pruning apple trees while a lot of work is very cathartic. I would not be surprised if someone used the amount of pruned off material for things like firewood cause you can get a lot from a singular little orchard.

I can’t say much about propagation of them as I can’t graft worth a shit. I really would love to graft apple trees, but I feel like I need to do it under the wing of someone more experienced in the craft (part of the problem I’m sure for me is timing of the grafting).

If I could I would propagate some of the wild apple trees we have around the neighbourhood (there’s a Russet child with a very nice flavour down the road- I hope it was not collateral damage from the Great Ash Tree Felling that occurred overwinter as it was directly under those trees and the tree fellers were sloppily merciless). On that note eating all the feral/wild apples around here can be fun; it’s a real flavour/texture russian roulette which is a nice spice in life.

[thewebcomicsreview]

What’s that? I’m talking about Homestuck too much lately? Well, too bad, it updated and I’m-a livebloggin’ it. This chapter contains a content warning for child abuse and I’m thus putting the rest of this post below a Read More, though I’m live blogging and don’t know what the child abuse content actually is. 

Looks like we’re with Jane, so this might be the chapter with Yiffy in it! But probably not, because they’re gonna drag it out. Incidentally, since the rebellion consists of two max-level characters, four god tiers (John, Jake, Rose, and Jade), and now Vriska who is the 8est fighter 8y far, how does Jane even stand a chance? Good thing for her that she pre-emptively took a hostage! 

JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.) JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?) JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.) JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)

I do like that Jane, a genocidal human-supremacist dictator, is worried about being “inclusive” in her propaganda. I wonder if she’s starting to drift from Trumphitler into Nancy Pelosi, now. Also interesting: She’s apparently using Gamzee’s death for propaganda value, cool and all, but her superpower is literally raising the dead. I can buy that Jane would rather use her ex-boyfriend for propaganda than revive him, but won’t the people of Earth C have questions? 

DIRK: Dude, the bowl. JAKE: Hm? JAKE: Oh, right. JANE: What is it now, Jake. JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well. JANE: You mean the prisoner. JAKE: Y...es.

I realize that Yiffygate made the patreon rocket to the stratosphere, but I hope we’re not actually getting to see her so soon. It’s more fun to speculate. For instance, she’s apparently getting meals in a dog bowl. Is that because she’s literally half dog, moreso than Jade, and is feral in some way? That’s been hinted at a little, but it’s also possible Jane’s just tormenting her to be a bitch. As we saw when she was Crockerfied in Act 6, Jane’s got a bit of a sadistic streak in her.

Well, that was answered pretty fucking fast! Okay, let’s not click next just yet. If we’re only getting one panel to speculate, let’s milk it like a dying webcomic franchise: Preppy bording school outfit, but with cleats, so she’s apparently an athlete. Lots of pink highlights on her outfit (shoes/socks/tie). She’s got a black dog tail, but appears to have light hair? I like this design, actually, or what little of it we’re seeing. I was half-expecting Yiffy to be a full-on Deviantart parody, but I think the angle we’re going here is “a mostly normal girl, besides being part dog, who’s just been absolutely shit on by life and every adult she’s ever encountered”. It’s not her fault her name is Yiffany, y’know? She didn’t ask for this. 

Let’s see how right I am.

JANE: Well, go on then. JANE: She's over in the corner. JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite. JANE: I've seen to that already.

The fact that this chapter had a content warning for child abuse makes this read a lot more “Yikes” than it might’ve otherwise.

DIRK: Jake. DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl. JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)

I feel like this is actually worse than if Jane put the food in a dog bowl to torment Yiffy.

I told you we’d fall in love with her. I told you dog.

....I don’t know if the MSPA art style lends itself to slightly raised camera angles like this, it looks like Yiffy’s face is 50% forehead. 

*Lore hat on*

Okay, first off, dick move electrocuting a child. That out of the way. Yiffy is communicating in wolf howls (she must be a big fan of Toast, from my webcomic Saffron and Sage!), but she’s also literally being electrocuted so lets cut her some slack. What’s more interesting is that her Awoos are in red. 

Vrissy shares a font color with Vriska, who she’s trying to emulate. They even use the same CSS class in the site code. Tavros shares his with Gamzee, his abusive uncle (and doesn’t have the same CSS class). Harry Anderson has a unique font color that’s pretty close to his dad’s, but isn’t quite the same (possible to make Harry/John chats more readable, whereas Vriska and Vrissy being hard to distinguish is the joke?). Yiffy, however, does not speak in either Jade’s green or Rose’s purple, she speaks in red. It’s a unique shade of red, I checked, and while it could potentially be in reference to Dave, let’s get real

Obviously, she’s the new Handmaid. This was obvious enough that I was making that comparison even before we learned her red text and rebellious personality. So I’m starting to see what they’re going for here (and, god help me, I’m starting to come around to Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley as a concept). She’s not a one-dimensional joke of a character, she’s just a normal girl having a fucking rough time of it right now and also always. Speaking of time, red is connected to the Time aspect, which isn’t confirmation of anything but a little note to put in the back of your pocket.

Also to put in your back pocket, Jane’s the new Condesce and Yiffy’s the new Handmaid. The Condesce killed the Handmaid. 

JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam. JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake. JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however. JANE: That truce is over.

That’s some efficient expositing! 

Man, I really am coming around to this Yiffy thing, holy shit. I actually think her reveal last chapter was actively designed to get fans to hate the concept as much as possible, and not just from a Controversy Creates Ca$h kind of way (though that didn’t hurt).The entire fandom has been calling Yiffy a disgusting mistake for three weeks, and now here’s Jane doing it, and we’re being asked to consider this from Yiffy’s perspective: Given a stupid name as a joke, shunted off to boarding school by parents who were ashamed of her existence, repeatedly told she’s a disgusting mistake and tortured, even the fans all hate her on sight, and she literally hasn’t said a word yet! That’s....legitimately pretty cool writing, right there. A deft and entirely intentional juking of the fandom’s emotional state to get us to hate a character conceptually so that now when the comic’s trying to get us to sympathize with her it’s an easier sell because we feel a bit guilty. I dig it. Shit like this is why I still read Homestuck, it can be very clever at times, even now.

(Pierced ears, in case the punky aesthetic wasn’t obvious). Also, the page with a gif of everything going dark as Yiffy passes out has a black background, which is a nice touch.

TG: but seriously, do you? AG: Not really. TG: not even about... you know? TG: her? AG: No. TG: ... are you sure? AG: A8solutely. AG: What are you, my moirail? AG: Just leave it, Harry. TG: ok.

Then we cut to a chatlog (with the all-black background, which is just really nice here at selling the mood), and even Vrissy doesn’t want to talk about Yiffany.

AG: It was Cute, 8lright???????? AG: Or, at the very least, a 8*cketload less vomit worthy than everything else that Went Down with our parents.

She’s “vomit-worthy”

I think the update that introduced the Candy Kids was the most enjoyable, but this was, by miles, the best thing to come out of the Homestuck EU. It completely redeemed everything this comic did with Yiffy so far and made it all work. And this black-background-no-image gimmick, while simple, was shockingly effective at conveying the lonely empty mood they were going for (admittedly it probably helped that I was already listening to spooky music), and it’s something Homestuck had never done. This was....

This chapter was great. This was Act 5 great. Like, it’s literally just beating up a child for a whole chapter, but in terms of getting the emotional response they wanted, this is Homestuck at its absolute best. It wasn’t just “here’s a cute girl, let’s beat her up a bit for sympathy”, all the stuff in the last chapter, infuriating the fandom like nothing I’ve seen in webcomics in years, Jade’s dog dick, it was all for this. It was all to get us predisposed to fucking hate Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley so that they could flip the switch and make us love her, make the very fact that we hated her so much part of the reason we love her now. No other webcomic would do that, no other webcomic would have the balls to do that. This is why I read Homestuck, this is why I’m still hanging on to this rock has the wave of cheating dog dicks keeps smacking me in the face. This is avant-fucking-garde, man. I’ve done a full 180 on Homestuck 2. I’m sold. I stan. I’m Homestuck trash again. 

EDIT

Oh, and Vrissy suddenly passed out mid-sentence right around the same time Yiffy passed out (hmmm!), and apparently she’s narcoleptic like Jade (hmmm!)

[basketballandtextbooks]

Bat how do you feel after watching the special

There are multiple levels to my thoughts.

On a satire level, they bungled a lot of the information. They were trying to take an “all sides are stupid stance” on an issue where people are dying daily and there are actual medical reasons for one stance to be factually incorrect so taking an “all sides” stance is... fucking tone deaf. To be fair to them, I enjoyed the amount of meta that informed their episode about knowing that their episode was doing more harm than good and using Randy as a tool for that particular satire was a smart and effective mood. That said, it was a mixed message that promoted a lot of misinformation. While the meta parts were funny, lamp-shading how poor your satire is doesn’t actually make your satire good. It just means you’re lamp-shading the issue. It was disappointing because I had hoped for better as they frequently write good satire. Stan’s character journey was the only cohesive one throughout the episode and while it was a good one, there was so much of the episode that was tone deaf to the severity of this issue. While I think it’s valid to bring levity to the issue and I was hoping they would, they missed the mark by a long-shot. That said, they usually don’t do well with medical issues. The last time they bungled their satire this badly was the vaccination episode. And they infamously bungle literally every trans-related episode. There were aspects of the episode that were poignant, well thought out, and well executed, but the majority was an under-researched in-cohesive mess. Which to some extent I think that’s what they were aiming for because they view the pandemic as an in-cohesive mess. The issue is that one of the reasons that pandemic is such a pervasive issue (especially in the states) is the mass spread of misinformation so when they spread misinformation to criticize the spread of misinformation... it’s just stupid.

However on a character level I very much enjoyed the episode. It was yet another Randy focused episode and as I’ve expressed on a few occasions I just don’t find him funny. Oh no, he jizzed on the weed, that’s sooooo surprising. Honestly Randy is a very one-note character. He does something horrifying, people are horrified, he faces no consequences, rinse, repeat. That all established, I think it’s important character information that he cheated on Sharon twice in China with no guilt whatsoever. He only wanted to hide his crime because “my wife is a bitch”. Also considering he cheated with non-human entities, I think this is strong proof of Rowelie’s viability so take that as you will Rowelie shippers. Also the fact that people grow Randy mustache’s if they ingest his cum and Sharon had a mustache at the end... I sort of hate that Randy took that as proof that she smoked his weed. Now, even if she had smoked it his behavior still is completely and disgustingly inexcusable but also... everyone in South Park is openly smoking so she could have very easily gotten second hand Randy-stache. Or just given her husband a blow job. Also it’s interesting information that within universe Randy’s cum has mutagenic properties. Again for the Rowelie shippers: you could use this as an excuse as to how Towelie turns into a human, Randy’s cum mutated him. Also I think it’s likely that microwaving his balls could be what caused his radioactive jizz. Or one of the times he was experimented on by aliens. Or both. Altogether Randy was a repulsive bastard within the episode who I find boring at best BUT the amount of meta information that he introduced will be very useful to inform my theories. (Also again, the fact that he so easily and guilelessly cheats on Sharon tells me that he that he has done it a multitude of times. My theory is that after he gave Gerald a handy in the hot-tub and was forgiven he just never stopped, basically assuming the permission to do it once was broad permission to do it forever) (oh and second note: this is the second time within canon that Randy has poisoned people’s weed so uh... that’s fucked up)

Freaked out a lot about Jimbo dying, I’m really scared they’ll kill Jimbo but also since they already killed Ned I wonder if the two of them can be happy in the afterlife together because no one can convince me that Jimbo and Ned aren’t canon. Also Randy’s blatant racism and lack of empathy for Jimbo’s illness was really yikes. I dunno guys, I’ve always had a soft spot for Jimbo. He’s a stupid stereotypical red-neck but he had a sort of charm to him and I thought he was funny. I miss when him and Ned were regulars on the show.

CARTMAN DANCING AND SINGING WAS ACTUALLY THE CUTEST THING EVER ON THIS FUCKING EARTH, FIGHT ME I LOVE THIS STUPID SELFISH LITTLE CRETIN also it’s yet another episode to add to the list of “times Cartman shows he can grow into a better person” and list of “times Cartman seems to show a special soft spot for Stan”. Cartman does tend to listen more frequently when Stan asks and less frequently for literally anyone else. So the Stanman was strong in this one. Also really enjoyed the Stutters. While yes, Stan was completely using Butters as a tool to project his own feelings of unease I think it really says something that he chose Butters for that role. I think to some extent he felt that Butters might be feeling the same mortality-panic he was feeling (whether it was true or not) and that kinship he felt with Butters led him to feel that Butters was also feeling the way he did. He was panicked and he thought out of all his friends that Butters was the one who might share his feelings. I enjoy that sort of subtle connection between them and it’s been a consistent thread within the show that Butters and Stan just treat each other a little different than they do literally everyone else. It’s worth thinking about.

I think Stan was also at his limit because he was already suffering from isolation issues due to Tegridy Farms from before the pandemic. He’s always been a social boy and this brought him to the brink of what he could handle.

THEY SHOT TOKEN AND I SWEAR TO GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LOUD I WAS SCREAMING AT THE TV I THINK I PISSED OFF MY NEIGHBORS i fucking knew it was coming too. The fucking SECOND they shoved those fucking corrupt ass cops in the same room as Token.... I fucking feared for his life. They’ve killed off fairly major background characters before and killing Token would be... topical. I will make it my mission to personally destroy every fucking cop in South Park (Barbrady gets a pass... BARELY). I hate them all. I’ve hated them all for a long time but they murdered several children (including Kenny, the bastards) and they SHOT MY BOY TOKEN I WILL RIP OFF THEIR FUCKING ARMS SEE HOW WELL YOU CAN SHOOT THEN YOU TRASH BASTARDS

Nothing big Kenny happened this episode, insert sad fanboy noises

There were some strong Kyman moments. Cartman went to Kyle’s house for help at the beginning of the episode, obsessed over whether or not he’d be in the same room as Kyle, tried to vomit on Kyle, AND THEN KYLE FUCKING JUMPED HIM AND BEAT HIS ASS DOWN, FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO INCORRECTLY THINK DIFFERENT KYLE IS A FUCKING DOMINANT TOP, HE DOESN’T TAKE IT, HE GIVES IT

Adding that to my long list of “episodes where Kyle shows he isn’t a pushover, is very violent, and can easily kick Cartman’s bitch ass” because every so once in awhile I have to break out that list when someone insists upon how submissive Kyle is. Bitttttttccchhhhhh, you haven’t watched the show if you think that. My favorite kid doesn’t take your shit

Very interested in Red’s new canon last name (McArthur) but I’m also unsure about it because in the scene’s where it’s shown I couldn’t quite tell if it was actually Red or Powder. She kept being shown from odd angles and her hair looked a little shorter than normal. That said, I’m happy if it is her because I’ve been wanting a canon last name for Red for a long-ass time. Even presuming you go by the cousin’s headcanon for Craig and Red, there’s no guarantee they would have the same last name.

Let’s see, I think I had some other thoughts but those were the main points

OH PAUSE THE SCREEN WHEN THE PARENTS ARE ON ZOOM it’s really cute/funny what the usernames are. For example Annie’s mom is totally just using Annie’s account so she’s probably not very tech savvy. There’s actually a lot of minor character detail that you can infer from those screen-names.

Yeah those are my major thoughts: Randy is trash, nothing new, Cartman was ADORABLE and also lots of good meta for him (I have some hcs that one of the reasons he adored the social distancing so much isn’t because he hates human contact because we know from previous seasons that he’s a bit of a lonely boy, but he likes the social distancing explicitly because it gives him an excuse to reject other people before they can reject him), good stutters moments, good kyman moments, good stanman moments, there were some style moments if you squint? Kyle was one of the people Stan consulted about his feelings of unease but since it wasn’t just Kyle that he consulted it didn’t really feel like that was a special personal part of their relationship, moreso that he wanted Kyle to kiss his booboo and make it better. Although further proof that Kyle is the dom in that relationship. Kyle was agitated over the situation but overall rational, Stan was flipping the fuck out. Stan came to him submissive, scared, and asking for Kyle to make him feel better. Kyle remained calm and logical. I swear to god if I read one more cutesy-innocent Kyle post I might flip a table. Literally Kyle’s canonical self is RIGHT THERE

OH YEAH MY BUTTERS THOUGHTS there’s nothing really new here but it continues the trend of Butters being a self centered prick. (I love him but he is) Instead of even trying to understand the number of people dying or the gravity of the situation, he’s just upset and throwing tantrums because he doesn’t get to play at Build a Bear. And it’s made explicit in the writing that unlike Stan he isn’t struggling with the nebulous fear of death (probably brought on by his uncle getting sick). Butters is just bitter that he doesn’t get to have special things. Also Stan was the only one who tried even a little to save Butters from getting taken by the guards. No one else tried to stop or warn Butters. So again, very cute Stutters moment where Stan is overtly worried for Butters’ well-being even when he’s throwing a bratty tantrum. (I don’t know how anyone perceives Butters as an altruistic person, he’s a selfish twat. he’s a lovable selfish twat, like Cartman, but he’s still a selfish twat. and none of his shitty behavior in this episode was even remotely related to Cartman so you can’t connect it to him. Butters, on his own and without anyone else’s influence, does and acts like a shit-head). There is the excuse that he’s only ten but literally everyone in that cafeteria is only ten. But Butters is the only one kicking other people’s food because he didn’t get his special prize.

This all sounds like I hate Butters. I love Butters, warts and all, I just get really annoyed when fandom ignores his warts because his warts are PART OF THE REASON I LOVE BUTTERS. Also it’s like... blatantly and observably canon that he’s selfish.

I’m going to happily ruminate on Stan feeling a strong pang of protectiveness towards Butters though. That was quite illuminating.

[crescent-quill-writings]

Midnight Meetings on the Reef

Fandom: Hamilton - Miranda

Words: 2422

Relationship: Hercules Mulligan/Thomas Jefferson

Additional tags: Mermaid AU, Fluff, Loneliness, Mermaid!Thomas Jefferson, Sailor!Hercules Mulligan, Bioluminescence, Hercules gets a bioluminescent boyfriend

Summary: Hercules Mulligan is a sailor living a simple life yet always wanting something more than what he has. So, when he receives a map that would supposedly lead him to a great treasure hidden in a distant reef, of course, he follows the path it lays out for him. Even though he gets lost along the way, he still ends up finding the treasure... Or more like the treasure finds him. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As the sun began to sink below the horizon it painted calm waters with flame-like reds and tinted the skies with bright pinks. These fading golden rays created a near-perfect silhouette of a small sailboat and the man on board as it slowly drifted across the glassy surface of the water, disturbing its smooth surface with the ripples of its wake and scattering a school of silvery fish in the reef below. The sailor was a giant of a man, standing right around 7 feet tall with broad shoulders and rugged features. He was almost as gorgeous as the scene around him, but he was much too distracted with pacing back and forth across the deck and trying to make sense of the old parchment in his hands. 

"So... If I did this right and this is the reef and back there was the sandbar then the archipelago should be just ahead of us?" He mutters to himself, suddenly stopping on the bow of the ship and looking up and around him. His eyes were bright with excitement, but it slowly faded into a dull realization when he was met with the sight of the infinite horizon of the uninterrupted ocean. "... I guess that's what I get for trusting an old coot in a bar with a map and fancy fairytale after a couple of pints." He then grumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and muttering a series of colourful curses under his breath before he crumpled the paper into a ball and tossed it overboard. "Useless piece of junk..."

Rightfully upset with himself, the sailor pulled a flask from his pocket and took a swig of the amber liquid inside. Sitting back on a crate pushed against the mast he watched, or moreso glared at the setting sun as the sky shifted from pink to red, to purple, and then finally to black as night fell upon the reef. He continued to stare up at the stars as they began to poke through the dark canvas of the sky before he sighed and stood, capping his flask and placing it in his pocket again.

"Time to turn in so we can figure this shit out in the morning." He mutters, fumbling with a match for a moment so he could light an oil lamp and hang it up above his head so he at least wasn't stumbling around in the dark as he tied everything down and dropped anchor for the night. Just as he took a rope in his hands and began to hoist the sails a ripple of movement and a flash of something bright and pink from beneath the waves caught his attention. "The hell...?" He murmurs, letting the rope fall from his hands and the sails fall slack as he took a step towards the water. For a moment the sailor thought it was some figment of his buzzed imagination and was about to turn back to the ropes before the light darted by again and pulled something beneath the water with a 'sploosh'. "The fuck?!" He exclaimed, rushing to the edge of his little sailboat and leaning over to peer into the water, looking for the light again.

"Was that a fish...? A glowing fish?" He knew about bioluminescence, having heard stories from other sailors and seen a few photos too, but even that didn't make sense. He'd heard of the algae that dotted the waves and beaches like stars and the freaky deep-sea fish that used light to lure in their prey, but nothing like what he was seeing now. Nothing he knew of was such a rich pink in colour like what he was seeing, and none of it could move so fast either. Again the sailor questioned if it was just in his imagination as he took out his flask, uncapping it quickly and taking a whiff to see if its contents had gone bad (if that was something that whiskey could do) before there was a sudden loud splash as his back was drenched with seawater and the small flame of his lamp extinguished. The water was still calm, so something had to have caused it.

"Shit, fuck--!!" The sailor exclaims, fumbling for a harpoon in the darkness and rushing for the other side of his little sailboat, ready for a fight and looking for the threat only for his weapon to fall from his hand and clatter against the deck. Now without the interruption of firelight, the world beneath the water was able to reveal itself to the sailor. Fear turned to shock and shock turned to awe as he watched the seagrass glow an azure blue, swaying anemones lighting up with scarlet hues, the forest of coral shine with shades of teal, indigo, and orange, and the schools of neon pink and blue fish that darted in and out from the nooks and crannies of the world beneath the waves. Nearly entranced by the other-worldly sight in front of him the sailor had forgotten about the earlier perceived threat and the streak of pink light he had first seen until--

"What the fuck!!" He exclaims, leaping back from the edge as his gaze locks on a human face poking out of the water and the curious indigo eyes looking back at him.

"I believe this is yours... You should be more careful." It spoke, its voice low yet smooth like a honeyed melody that made the sailor's knees go weak. He was stuck in a sort of shocked silence that he didn't notice the face had lifted an arm out of the water and was holding up a sodden grey lump that looked to be whatever was left of the map he had thrown out earlier.

"Oh, uh, thanks..." The sailor murmurs. He didn't know why he was so calm as he stepped forwards and kneeled down at the edge of the boat so he could reach for the ruined ball of paper, but he couldn't help the gasp that escaped him as he finally got a good look at what had approached him.

It had the head and the upper body of a human man and quite an attractive one at that with chiselled features and hair made up of long dark curls that looked well kept and soft despite being submerged in saltwater all day. As strange as it was to see a man living in the water, this was not what made the sailor gasp. Instead, his gaze locked on the 'man's tail. It was over twice the length of his torso and was crowned with a large and elegantly flowing fluke. Every scale was perfectly overlayed with each other and glowed with a rich pink hue in shifting intervals and levels to create a nearly hypnotic display of patterns as his tail swayed steadily to keep him in place against the light currents.

"Holy shit... You're a- You're a mermaid!" The sailor murmured, voice barely above a whisper as his fingers brush against the aquatic humanoid's as he takes back the ruined map.

"That I am, yes. You're quite the observant sailor, hm?" The merman replies with a warm chuckle, a sound that nearly makes the human melt as he rises further out of the water to rest his arms on the edge of the boat before he notices the harpoon and frowns, "I'm sorry if I startled you earlier, I just wanted to put out your light. This place can't thrive properly when there's something bright like that around, you see. I promise I mean you no harm, though, and thank you for not attacking me yet." He adds with a small sigh before smiling with sharpened teeth up at the sailor.

"Yeah, no, it's okay. No harm no foul and all that, I get it. This place is beautiful... You're beautiful..." He replied, only realizing what he had said as the merman laughs again and the sailor's face flushes with heat. "Uh- My name's Hercules Mulligan, though you can just call me Hercules or Herc. Do you have a name?"

"It's nice to meet you, Hercules. You're quite handsome yourself, especially for a human... My name is Thomas, at least, that's what I believe it translates to in your tongue." The merman earns a quiet 'likewise' in response from Hercules as silence falls on the pair. Thomas' expression was serene yet amused as he watched Hercules with those same curious indigo eyes, chuckling again as he catches him staring at his tail again. "It's alright, you can look... as long as you don't mind if I do the same, that is... I don't get many visitors out here, you see, especially not ones as kind as you." He watched the sailor blink quickly in response before he chuckled quietly and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. Thomas found himself enjoying the sound and wanting to hear it some more. "Is there a reason why you've travelled all the way out here on your lonesome, Captain?"

"No, not really..." Hercules replies with a sigh and a shake of his head, looking out across the dark horizon for a moment and taking in a deep breath. "Just heard some stories and got a map, I guess I thought it'd be like going on an adventure of my own if I found treasure or something like that. Pretty sure I got lost along the way, not that this place isn't nice... Just not what I expected, I guess." He explains, and the merman laughs in a melodious sound that made Hercules' breath catch in his throat before he slips into the water and began to swam lazy circles on his back around the sailboat.

"Even if you did get lost I think you've done pretty well. This place isn't easy to find, after all, and it's not every day you get to meet a merman either." Thomas grinned at the way the sailor scrambled to stand and paced across the deck to follow him, finding it cute how enamoured he had become as he stops by the bow of the ship.

"Yeah, I guess you're right... Meeting you could be a kind of treasure in itself." Hercules replied with a small smile, though the expression shifts to confusion as he tilts his head at the merman's extended hand.

"I would like to sit next to you, could you help me up? I'm afraid climbing is rather difficult with just a tail." Thomas explains with an easy smile, and the sailor nods as he takes the merman's hand in his and hoists him up and out of the water.

"Jesus you're big... N-Not that it's a bad thing!" He comments as he struggles to collect the mass of Thomas' tail in his arms, suddenly embarrassed again and his cheeks flushing with heat as he was met with the sound of the merman's melodious laughter again and set him down on the deck to him as he sat down with him.

"You're really sweet, you know that?" Thomas smiled a little more, dipping his fluke in the water and tucking most of his tail off to the side, letting silence settle between the two of them. It was a comfortable silence, giving them both the time they needed to process the day's events and where it led them and a chance to enjoy another's company on a calm midnight.

"So... Is there any real reason you wanted to come up here?" The sailor asks, breaking the silence and earning a small shrug in response from his new companion.

"I just thought it'd be easier to talk this way, or perhaps it'd just close some of the distance between us... I'm not really sure, honestly." Thomas admits, pulling his tail closer to his body as his gaze dropped to watch the ripples around the boat. Silence came over the pair again, though this time it was less comfortable. Hercules watched the merman with a frown, wondering what was going on behind those indigo eyes before he wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to his chest.

"It's okay, I don't mind... It's not like I got any company out here either. Except for you now, of course." He replied after a moment, offering Thomas a warm smile that only grew as their gazes met and he was able to catch a sparkle of hope in those beautiful indigo eyes. "Y'know, I wouldn't mind coming back here either if I got to see you again. Not sure how I'd do it, since I kinda trashed the map, but you found me on accident anyways so maybe we could make it work out. I don't got much to go back home to anyways..." Sure, Hercules may have started rambling a bit, but he couldn't really help it. Being with Thomas made him feel relaxed like he could enjoy the moment and not have to worry about much other than making sure the merman kept smiling. Thomas was happy too, and although he was a bit unused to the feeling of another's arm around him he happily let himself lean into the sailor's side and rested his head on his shoulder, humming in content as he closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the little moment they were sharing.

"If you're really that worried I can get you a conch shell... If you play it right the sound will travel for miles and guide me right to you. That way I could help you find this place again until you've learnt the way yourself." The merman explains, his voice a gentle noise that harmonized with the rippling of the water under the boat that Hercules could only describe as 'cute.' Sitting up a bit the merman opened his eyes again and pressed a kiss to the corner of his sailor's lips, humming in satisfaction at the way Hercules began to laugh to hide how flustered he'd become and settling against his side once more. "You're a good man, Hercules, so I'm not worried... Let's just talk, the night's still young and I'd like to hear you laugh some more." The merman muses, smiling up at his sailor with a little shine in his indigo eyes as he sees his sailor was smiling too, "I haven't heard something that nice in a very long time, nor have I met someone as nice as you either... So thank you, the reef is a little less lonely tonight because of you."

[ansgar-martinsson]

The Best Intentions - Part 30

“Think on it,” Ansgar said. “Maybe even talk to your sister about it. She knows me. She knows how I work.”

Elias’ face fell into an odd, unreadable expression. He kept silent for a long moment, and when he smiled, the light did not reach his eyes. When he spoke, his words were a whisper - not angry, but intent. “She knows how you… work, eh?” His eyes narrowed. “Does she now?”

A shard of ice stabbed down Ansgar’s back - a familiar jolt, one that, as it melted, brought back a wave of memory. A memory of Rufus Valentine, of Faye’s brother, when he’d made a similar challenge. A similar challenge which had led to a deep friendship while he was married to Faye. A similar challenge which, when things fell away, had led to a threat of death upon their next meeting - should they ever meet again. Which Ansgar hoped they would not.

He hated the idea of having to kill the man.

And now, he saw the beginnings of the same from Elias. The natal spark. It froze Ansgar, his beer glass hovering, his hand unmoving, his facial muscles stiff, eyes rock hard and boring into the other man. It took a moment before Ansgar moved, but what made the shell of ice break away was the sudden flash of fear in the other man’s eyes. Ansgar lowered his mug and set his hands flat upon the table, considering, thinking.

And finally, he let his breath out. Here we go again…  He relaxed. He smiled, the alcohol in his blood easing him. He spoke. “Look, friend….”

But Elias cut him off. “Answer my question, Martinsson. Exactly what knowledge does… does my sister have about you?”

Ansgar smirked, glaring at Elias through the sides of his eyes. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. “Careful, Elias. I see that nasty little question just sitting there on the tip of your tongue,” he sneered. “If you’re as buzzed as I am, you might just ask it. You might just say something stupid, something you’ll regret. And believe me, you’ll regret it.”

“I deserve to know. I’m her brother.”

Ansgar sighed. “Listen, man. My sister is four years younger than me. Her name is Leda. She lives here in Stockholm. Works as an interior designer and she’s talented as fuck. In fact, I use her on my own projects from time to time. She’s a bit of an entitled, spoilt little bitch, but I love her dearly. Anyway, my brother and I, we are both fully involved in her life. I know, at any time, who she’s seeing. I know who she’s dating. I know who she’s fucking. Follow me?”

Elias’ eyes widened. “I do,” he spat.

“Good,” Ansgar squinted and gave a curt nod. “So, know this. Should anyone, any man, or any woman for that matter, ever hurt her, in any way, shape or form, I will hunt that person down and put a bullet in their brain, and don’t think I am speaking in hyperbole because I am most certainly not.”

He paused, then, letting the sentiment sink in, glaring at Elias through lowered, narrowed eyes. He relished in the renewed wash of apprehension that slid over Elias’ features. He knew he was frightening him - but moreso in gaining the man’s respect rather than driving him to somehow forbid Ansgar’s relationship with Joline.

It was a fine line that Ansgar trod. And he knew it.

He took a sip of beer. “The only reason I know the identity of those persons who fuck my sister is because she tells me. She’s honest with me and… and… and open with me, and that honesty comes only in her own time and on her own terms. I neither force her to tell me these things nor do I ask those whom I suspect have carnal knowledge of her. Do you see where I’m going with this, Elias?”

Elias nodded and swallowed.

Ansgar smiled. “Good, I’m glad you do. So then,” he instructed, “the first lesson learnt is that I understand entirely where you’re coming from. I get you. I’m an older brother, too. I respect your feelings about me, about Joline, about this whole situation.”

“Fine. And the second lesson?”  

“If you want to know whether Joline and I are…,” he cleared his throat, pulled a face, and and gestured with a subtle vulgarity, “… well, don’t you think you ought to ask her, instead of me? Or simply wait for her to tell you? Out of respect for your sister and out of respect for your own career.”

Elias frowned, confused. “My… c-career?”

Ansgar nodded slowly, humming a tight lipped “mmm hmmm,” prodding the man to think. He kept his eyes on Elias but hid his face behind a long pull of his beer.

“Oh,” Elias nodded sagely. “I get it. You just laid the possibility of this lucrative, cushy job right at my feet, and now I’m… I’m….”

“Acting the unappreciative arsehole big brother,” Ansgar chuckled. His next words were sharp and cutting, but he spoke them with a smile and a lighthearted air. “I can elevate your career to new heights, my friend. But at the same time, if you somehow end up on my bad side… I can ruin it.”

Elias laughed nervously. “Look, Ansgar,” he leaned forward, elbows rest heavily upon the table. “All I want to know is… is… is what your intentions are toward my sister. You’ve been in the news lately, with your wife and –”

Ansgar lifted a hand. “Don’t you dare mention her. Not now. Not ever.”

Elias slinked back into his chair and sipped absently at his beer. “Fair enough,” he said, “but I… I can’t help but be concerned. I’ve heard… things about you.”

“That’s in the past,” Ansgar declared. “Far, far in the past. Things… circumstances… hardships have changed me. Enlightened me, so to speak. I can assure… assure you that my intentions toward your sister are nothing but honorable. I like her a great deal, and I care for her.” He swallowed down a belch. “I’d do anything for her, anything.”

“Even hire her unappreciative arsehole big brother?”

“If it means that I get the benefit of your talents, then yes. If it means giving you a path to more income, to give Joline some reprieve from taking care of your mother, then yes. If it means giving your boys more opportunities, more for their education, more time with their… their father, then yes.”

Elias shook his head quickly, blinking in surprise. “You know… about our mother?”

Ansgar nodded. “I know she’s ill, and gravely so. I know Joline’s caring for her. She hasn’t told me as much, hasn’t shared that with me, but I know it nonetheless. She’ll tell me when she’s ready, I’m sure of it, but if there are things I can do behind the scenes to make her life easier, make things better for your mother, then I’ll do it.”

Elias stared, as stiff as Ansgar had been earlier. Only the thing that pierced him was not a shard of ice down his back. Rather, it was a warmth to his heart, a shock to his mind as he attempted to process what Ansgar had just told him.

And the gobsmacked look of him made Ansgar laugh. “Come on, man,” Ansgar guffawed. “I’m not that much of a dick. My reputation isn’t that terrible, is it?”

Elias chewed his bottom lip. “I guess not,” he said. “I just never expected you to be so… so generous.”

“Funny,” he mused. “Joline said the same thing.” He paused for a moment, and the two men considered each other, sussed out the truths of each other, bolstered a new found respect for each other. A respect which Ansgar wanted to seal up, hold tight to, and commemorate. He lifted his hand, and with a quick gesture, summoned the server.

And the server responded immediately, bringing a bottle of Akvavit and two small, stemmed glasses. Ansgar thanked the man, and turned to Elias, gesturing at the setup on the table before them. “Please,” he said. “Do the honors. Pour for us. Pour, and we’ll sing and we’ll drink to our new friendship.”

“I’m not sure I can do this. These fancy to-dos, I’ve always been removed from them… at the theatre, I mean. As house manager, even though I plan these events, I’m not really involved, other than looking to make money for the theatre.”

Rose looked at her new friend with compassion, “You’re unsure because this is personal… and you like him.”

Joline wanted to deny it, wanted to preserve herself, wanted to maintain her dignity and save face. She threw barrier after barrier after stonewall after obstacle to keep Ansgar at, the very least, arm’s length away from her emotions. But if Rose read her that well, she’d already failed to keep him at a safe distance.

“Shit,” she muttered to her feet, her chin dropped to her chest. She kicked at a pebble in the grass with her summer blue heels. Where had she gone wrong? When did intense sexual attraction and chemistry become ‘it’s personal… and you like him’?

Rose chuckled again when she saw Joline’s reaction. She took a shot at what she thought she saw in Joline and the woman all but confirmed it. “Hey there, girl… honey. It’s happened to the best of us.” She caught Joline’s eyes. “We need to rub one out, satisfy Mother Nature’s physical itch to guarantee that the human race continues. Turn to the first person who… wets,” she winked, nodding to the conversation the previous night, “our female bits.”

“That happen to you?” Joline pulled out of her pout. Away from the scrutinizing looks and gossiping whispers, she felt more herself.

“You met Jacqui. She was my summer love affair… four years ago.” Rose linked her arm through Joline’s at the woman’s look of surprise. She followed the curve of the party setup, taking her friend with her. “Don’t be so shocked.”

Joline leaned her head on Rose’s shoulder, their pace leisure and unhurried despite the heavy beat from the rock music coming for the arcade area of the picnic. “How clichéd to catch the feelings for my partner.”

“I shudder to think,” Rose laughed at Joline’s statement, sarcasm dripping from each syllable.

“Tell me, tell me about you and Jacqui,” Joline begged, wanting the distraction more than to spill her guts to her friend about what was happening with her.

“An intern, she was, my Jacqui. We tried to hate each other. I hazed her shamefully.” Rose yanked Joline along to a shelter to sit down. “Let’s sit and chat. The sun is lobstering my face, I can feel it.” The two women stepped under the safety of the natural shade of the all wood gazebo.

Joline pulled her skirt down as she folded herself onto the bench that lined the inside. “So what happened? How did you turn up the temperature?”

Rose leaned back, stretched her legs out in front of her, and stacked one ankle over the other. “Jacqui looks delicious in green.”

“Huh?”

“A heated argument over some basic risotto ended her in wearing the shit. I… ahem… licked—you can fill in the rest. We kept it under wraps for a bit, but feelings can’t be contained… or shoved in a freezer.”

Joline furrowed her brow and then burst out a laugh. “Her or you?”

Rose smiled, fully committing to the memory of it. “Me. A self-inflicted punishment to,” she raised her hands to demonstrate air quotes, “’cool down.’”

“Did it work?” Joline crossed one long leg over the other and crossed her arms.

“For those eleven minutes, it did. But here I am, four years later, just as hot for her now as I was after that time out.” Rose pursed her lips, reading Joline’s defensive body language, sensing her need to hear just why this story applied to her current situation. “Honey, it’s not cliché. It’s wonderful and awful, it’s amazing and terrifying, it’s empowering and painful. It’s all those things when you open up to something—ah! Someone new.”

Joline looked away, scanning the park away from the Martinsson Construction festivities, over the lawn and the trees and the everyday people milling around being normal. She sighed. “I was married before. I met him at university and married him a week after we graduated. I dated him for two years, married him at twenty-one, and divorced him ten years later.”

Rose studied her friend’s face for a long moment. The woman didn’t blink, her eyes glued to the horizon, steeled and dark as she relived her ancient history. “I get it now,” Rose announced with a sympathetic tile of her head. “You had your chance. Is that it? So what happens now? What happens to you now?”

“Secret hidden affairs that last a week, maybe a month at best,” Joline admitted sadly.

“Because you’ve… what? Decided?”

“It’s what I know to be true.” At least it had been since her divorce two years ago. “Nobody wants a divorcee.”

Rose clicked her tongue in her mouth in disdain, disappointed that Joline didn’t see the double standard in her own generalization. “You do. Ansgar is too.” She threw her hands up in frustration, in disgust.

“It’s different for men. He… I’m his lover, but there’s nothing more to it than that.”

The breeze made the trees sound of rain, but it didn’t reach the tense air within the gazebo. Their blue eyes warred over the truth, their own personal truths setting them on opposite sides. Joline knew her empty love affairs of the past two years. Rose had seen Ansgar’s previous marriage and how his dynamic with Joline appeared differently than any relationship that came before.

“He brought you here! His first public appearance since returning to Stockholm. That’s worth more than few tumbles in bed.”

Joline sat forward on the bench, hooking her hands over the edge, and hunching her shoulders in disbelief. “Or maybe it was easier for him not to answer questions about his ex-wife.”

“If that were true, you’d be plastered to his side. Where is your temporary lover?” Another heavy dose of sarcasm with so much emphasis on her pronunciation of temporary.

Jutting her chin in the other direction, Joline didn’t unfurl from her hunched, shell like position. “The VIP tent, with my brother.”

“Your brother?”

Joline confirmed it, shuffling her feet along the wood planks of the floor, wishing she knew what kept them so long. “He invited my brother, his wife and their kids, because he knew I’d object to it.”

Rose burst out a humor filled laugh, shattering the tension in the gazebo. She pushed to her feet, using her momentum to get up into Joline’s face. She pulled the woman out of her prickly, protective and neurotic pose onto her feet. “Honey, that’s foreplay!!” She tucked Joline’s hand under her own arm this time to get her in the center of the party.

“Wha—what do you mean?”

“He’s bringing your people closer into his circle. Schmoozing them, charming them… marking his territory around you, sweet cheeks. It’s all foreplay and pillow talk. You can take your maudlin nobody wants a divorcee crap elsewhere, honey. There’s no room for it here, not with his bullhead around.”

Joline stumbled to keep up with Rose as she made a beeline for the VIP tent, peeking in the windows to get a glimpse inside. The butterflies in Joline’s belly beat a southbound flight, making her slightly nauseous. Rose led them round to the flap inside and dragged her unwilling friend behind her into the tabled area.

Ansgar and Elias sat in the center, clinking their shot glasses together and knocking them back. Their raucous laughter drowned out the other ambient noise of the beer tent. And then there was the singing…. Out of tune, louder than sin and so much less melodic than any song that either woman ever had the displeasure of listening.

[paechwrites]

A mega gift fic I did for @caruleanfox as a writing exercise and because I just wanted to lol. Enjoy ʕ•ﻌ•ʔ

---

It was the third time in the row that Dave came by to his sister's house, the first visit Rose assumed he needed something, eggs or milk maybe; it wasn't odd for him to swing over to Rose and Kanaya's house, showing up on their doorstep at least once a week or so and asking if they wanted to join him in whatever social activities he had planned. 

But instead, Dave casually offered to watch over their son, Jasper, with a solemn expression. The first time, Rose gladly handed him over without a second thought, needing a night out for just her and Kanaya without maternal duties. The second run happened two days after, three movie tickets in his hand and inquiring if Jasper wanted to go with him and Karkat to the theatres. The movie, in question, was a kids film, particularly for children under the age of five. Jasper, what Dave shrugged off as a coincidence, happened to be under the age of five - two, to be specific. 

Rose smirked at this, commenting slyly on the matter. "Did you really go and buy tickets at the box office for a mind-numbing children's film, even if my answer if Jasper could come was no? Are you regressing due to your blemished childhood? I hope Karkat hasn't reacted so negatively to this development."

Dave frowned, shaking his head and insisting he just wanted to spend quality time with his nephew. Nonetheless, Rose complied, taking a moment to bathe him while Kanaya proceeded to dress him. Once Dave dropped off Jasper back to his home, their son had been the most hyper he'd ever been, after consuming popcorn and a probable gratuitous amount of candy without monitors. 

Perhaps Dave was merely trying to win Jasper's love, bigger than he adored his mothers. Kanaya, admittedly, felt a twinge of jealousy creep up her shoulder.

And the third time, Dave took him for a day out at Chuckie E. Cheese and insisted Rose and Kanaya join along, to which Jasper wasted no time getting tuckered out; Dave had to fit himself into the kiddy playhouse entrance and climb up obstacles in order to fetch him from the highest ground. When Dave brought him down, his face had been greased with specks of pizza sauce and only a handful of tickets clutched in his little hand. 

Dave went ahead and used a napkin from a nearby empty table to rub away the sauce, fixing the strands of bleach hair then asking him gently if he wanted to cash in the the tickets before they left the establishment. That moment, Rose had never seen once, a fatherly aura practically radiating from the display, not to mention once Dave set him down and reached for his hand. 

Rose and Kanaya had never certainly seen that side of him, Dave moreso acting as Jasper's fun, no-limit uncle that helped him to get food smattered on his face and clothes with spoilt treats added. Mainly because he didn't have kids of his own so repercussions weren't always present in his mind than just having simple fun. The change was drastic, not even Karkat had an answer to it when questioned about it.

Then it hit them. Rose and Kanaya shared knowing, curious looks as they walked back to the car while Dave carried Jasper on his shoulders.

~~~~

"Is there something you've been pondering about, Dave?" Rose asked, criss-crossed on the couch on an afternoon with Dave sitting inches away from her on the couch.

Dave shot his head up from his phone, a reflection of Rose staining his shades.

"Ponderin' about what brand of shoes I should buy? Fuck yeah, I've been, I only have like one pair of shoes like as if I'm a bum on the street with tissue boxes for shoes and shaking that mug as rhythmically as I can, except instead of pennies, it says coochie because matters of the heart come first." Dave spouted, checking his phone when it buzzed in his palm. Rose gave him a mellow look, fixing her posture on the cushions.

"I think Nike's would look good," Rose mused out loud, thuds suddenly resonating out in the hall until her purple eyes landed on Jasper; who beamed at the sight of his uncle.

"But you and I both know that wasn't what I was referring to."

Dave raised both his brows above his shades, watching as Jasper toddled over to Rose and stabled his hands on her lap.

"I don't know what the hell you're getting at, but I genuinely thought you were invested with me about choosing what sick shoe wear I should buy. I'm hurt, Rose." Dave put an exaggerated hand to his chest, earning Rose to roll her eyes.

"I'll humor you later on that, if you'd like, but I called you over for important matters." Rose stated, resting a soothing hand on Jasper's stark white hair. Dave shrugged lightly in response.

"Nothing important really going on."

"Matters as in, family matters. Or alternatively, why you keep whisking away my son."

Dave froze, lowering down his phone as his thumbs hovered above the keyboards.

Rose looked at him attentively, her posture fitted into as if she was a therapist handling one of her usual patients.

"Well, uh," he cleared his throat, turning off his phone and glancing up at Rose with his shades mirroring a view of herself. Rose suddenly placed both her hands against one knee, perking it up a bit on the couch and making Dave groan.

"I feel like I'm being interviewed for a babysitting job here." Dave said, slackening his shoulders.

"I mean technically, you've been babysitting these past days."

"Those are classic uncle bro bonding days, not boring ol' hours of making sure the kid doesn't get into any trouble around the house."

"Jasper rarely gets into trouble, mind you."

"Yeah but that ain't the point though."

Rose piqued an eyebrow, scanning him over suspiciously with deep purple eyes.

"You know, I've never really pegged you as one to have baby fever," Rose said, causing Dave to choke up and grasp a hold onto his pants.

"Baby fever? There's no baby fever or any sort of fever flaring up in here." Dave deadpanned, as hard as he could manage, what with his voice raising high pitched in the middle of his sentence. Rose pursed her lips in amusement.

"Are you and Karkat, perhaps, leaning in a family-way now?" Rose smirked, Dave immediately waving her off before dropping his hand flat. He emitted a loud sigh, his cheeks flushing and feeling more vulnerable than he's ever been. She'll prattle on about this if he doesn't come clean.

"Okay," Dave started. "Okay, okay. This is really fuckin' dumb, it happened in a really-"

"Dave." Rose cut in a little sharply, gesturing towards Jasper with a nod of her head.

"I mean, uh, this is really kinda unfortunate and dumb that I have really strong feelings for, and it happened in a very uncharacteristic cool kid way." he rambled, Rose humming responsively.

"Go on."

Dave let out a huff.

~

"Dude, make sure you know how to handle those kids," Dave advised, not looking up from his phone as he slung his arm over the bench and bubbly giggles poured into his ear, Karkat's more deeper, scratchier laughter roaring above them. "I don't wanna deal with angry lusii or something. Whoever the hell is in charge of those kids."

"I'm wrangling them just fine, thanks for asking." Came Karkat's gruff, along with grub chirrups. Dave nodded mindlessly, scrolling through his new messages. For awhile, Karkat's laughter intermingled with practically chipmunk-squeaked voices were all Dave could hear, eventually growing fond of the sound with a small smile tugged at the corner of his lip. The growing generation of young trolls loved Karkat astoundingly, just as much as they did Kanaya; it was quite comedic to see a grub latch onto his pant leg as he started trekking back home.

"Hey Dave!!"

At this, Dave lifted his head up and away from his screen, a low sounding 'yeah?' under his breath. The view of Karkat being used as a jungle gym obstacle for the young trolls met his shaded gaze, a bronze grub tucked to his chest and pressing its head affectionately into him, a wide toothy grin plastered on Karkat's face as a rust climbed and perched onto his shoulder.

"These little bastards think I'm cooler than you!" Karkat boasted. He never was one for censoring himself around delicate, impressionable ears - that is, unless Rose and Kanaya were around. They'd lecture him more than once when a profanity would slip off his gray tongue with innocent Jasper only inches away.

Dave couldn't help but emit a giggle, warmth vibrating throughout his chest. His small smile transpired to a full, fleshed smile, just the imagery of Karkat doting on children set a sudden flame.

It wasn't seconds long until the thought rushed into his head; the thought of a tiny being that shared Karkat's gray skin, but looked like Dave and had his unnaturally burgundy pupils, right there in the commotion with the wrigglers and Karkat. He swallowed.

~

Dave buried his face into his palms, shades pushed up against his forehead. Rose, this time, looked at him with a soft smile, shifting a little closer to him and placing a hand on his knee. Jasper stood onto his tippy toes, reaching for the slowly sliding-off shades, to which Rose made a disapproving noise of and probed him to quickly snatch away the shades.

Rose playfully shook her head, then reverted her attention back on Dave.

"Well, there is certainly nothing wrong with developing a paternal need.." Rose started, Dave squeaking into his palms. Oh, jesus, it was a terrible idea to converse with Rose about this. But what other choice did he have? Karkat was off the table immediately (for now) and Kanaya would undoubtedly take the same route Rose is doing now, the others he just didn't feel too confident to bring it up. His ears felt hot, feeling as if every eyes in the room were glued onto him; except for perhaps one little boy too transfixed with Dave's shades behind the couch.

"Oh my god, Rose, no."

"I think you'd make an excellent father, and Karkat definitely fits the role quite nicely from what Kanaya has told me."

"Rose, don't infect me with your family disease-"

"I think it's about time Jasper gets a cousin anyway, he spends a little too much time with adults rather than other children his own age range, don't you agree?"

Dave issued another throaty noise, a bright red blush painting his face behind his hands. He'd have to talk to Karkat about the idea tonight, instead of harboring it any longer.

***

Karkat tapped his spoon against the rim of the bowl, watching the dices of chopped carrots swimming in the broth, mixed with pieces of chicken and optional trollian toppings. Dave still wasn't up for trying Alternia cuisines, much to Karkat's annoyance, so he made sure to store a separate pot for himself that were filled to the brim of what Dave would gag at and compare it to the most vulgar of things.

Karkat hummed thoughtfully, dipping his spoon back into the soup and bringing it into his mouth. Where was Dave anyway? Dinner had been prepared half an hour ago and the last time Karkat heard of him was when he was at Rose and Kanaya's house.

As if on que, sounds of the living room door creaking open echoed throughout the house, signaling of Dave's arrival.

Karkat perked his posture up a little. Dave walked into the kitchen, shuffling with something in his pocket. It took a minute for Dave to lift his head, a small smile tugging at his lip.

"Yo, Karkat, sorry if I took long." Dave greeted, placing his phone on the table and then heading to the fridge.

"You do know there's freshly cooked dinner to your side, right?" Karkat questioned. Dave shrugged, patting his stomach as he pulled out a basket of strawberries.

"Already ate at Rose and Kanaya's house." he replied, taking a seat across Karkat with the full basket and plucking one out.

All around, dinner was unusually quiet - Dave was unusually quiet, and this set Karkat off a bit. On an ordinary night, Dave would be flapping his mouth away, making all sorts of gestures and going from topic-to-topic. Maybe Dave just wasn't feeling talkative tonight.

But then.

"Hey, so Karkat, you remember that thing like a week ago?"

Karkat looked up from his plate, eyebrow arched. That was unspecified.

"A thing? From a week ago?" Karkat repeated, confused. Dave nodded his head, coughing into his arm as he seemingly choked on a strawberry stem.

"Yeah, y'know, when we were like....uh, at the park?" Dave recounted, a blank expression embedding Karkat's face until he hummed responsively.

"With the lovable little shits? Yeah, I remember that." Karkat said, taking a swig of his drink. Dave stared at his husband through his shades, lips thinned. How in the world was he supposed to go about this without his face looking like a tomato and his hands distractingly fidgety.

Dave let out a drawn string of 'uh's, resting his elbow on the table. Dave never wished for anything more than for Karkat to magically read his racing thoughts, chewing the inside of his cheek as a tic.

Karkat had always been a paternal type, as much as he wouldn't admit and only respond with an roll eye; Dave studied how his expression seemed to soften at the immediate moment a small chubby hand slapped against his chin.

Come on, Dave, the blond thought to himself.

Straightening his stature, Dave pursed his lips. "I could've confused you for a jungle gym obstacle that day, all the grubs and wrigglers just crawlin' over you like you're the Ronald McDonald statue out in the play area. Or wait, were actually any Ronald McDonald statues? Back on my old Earth, I mean, because I swear I have this fuzzy memory of a commercial coming onscreen where other little kids were thrashing and circling around a plastic Ronald McDonald statue like it was the holy man himself, McDonald's being the most devout of all restaurants."

Karkat simply rolled his eyes.

"Hey, you think those kids ever been to Earth C's McDonald's before?" Dave piped up, Karkat only shrugging his arms.

"I don't know, Dave, I'm not even those wrigglers' guardian so it's not like I see them everyday and know what they've been doing or where they've been, let alone digested." Karkat said. A surprising grin mounted itself on Dave's face, startling Karkat just a little.

"Aw sweet, I bet the grubs don't even know what the hell a McDonald's is and the non-grubby ones probably love the shit out of it, McDonald's is practically every kid's paradise to dine out at, I've only gone like three or four times when I was a kid, but that place was an absolute heaven to me, being able to sip on apple jay and eating probably-processed cheeseburgers and greasy as fuck fries-"

Karkat cut into his husband's overtly exciting rambling without hesitation. "Dave, we're most likely not gonna see that gang of ankle biters again."

Dave immediately deflated. Oh, no.

"What?"

"Half those kids belonged to parents and lusii already present at the park, remember?"

"Yeah, but, didn't you say they were from the brooding caverns?" Dave questioned, tilting his head a little.

"The grubs were from the brooding caverns, but Kanaya's already cleared out the already-hatched grubs from the caverns two days ago, ready for the Mother Grub to deposit more eggs." Karkat explained, watching Dave slumped in his seat with a look of realization and thin lipped upsetness. Karkat chewed on his lip lightly.

It was quiet for a short moment, Dave looking plainly at the table cloth before choking out an 'oh'. Possibly finding the sudden silence just as awkward and unwelcomed the mutant troll found it.

Dave bit his tongue, tips of his fingers burning as he ached to spit out his offer already. He gulped heavily.

"Hey, uh, Karkat, Karlkat, kitkats, Karks," Dave fumbled, leaning more into the elbow laid on the table. "I don't think I've ever used those nicknames before, except for probably kitkat because I mean c'mon, your name practically sets itself up for that pun like it's got no business, I think I actually have a paper with a laundry load of written idea nicknames I can give you, hold on let me go get it-"

"Dave!" Karkat snapped, making the man pause midway of lifting off his seat.

Dave quickly plopped back down, clearing his throat to refresh their conversation. He stabled his feet to the ground, staring directly at Karkat through his shades. Are his shades even appropriate right now? Should he take him off so Karkat could take him seriously?

His fingers moved up a tad, almost wanting to act on just that.

"Karkat, I was kind of thinking, like a lot on this," Dave started, brushing his hand over the black ledges of his shades. His voice almost cracked, nerves jumbling and surging through him. "Those kids from the park, uh, really made me consider something. Of how it would feel like, and be like, to have a lil' tike running around...here too."

Karkat shifted an eyebrow up at him, his face flying into a curious look, and a bit wary. Dave took that as a sign to continue, attempting his hardest not to get caught up in his rambles.

"I've actually sometimes wondered what adorable abomination we could make, like how red their eyes would be, your bright pigment or mine, or if they'd have bleach white strilonde hair, horns or hell, no horns at all."

Karkat slowly released his spoon from his grasp, mouth slightly open. Dave laughed nervously, cheeks flushing from embarrassment.

"What would we name it anyways? Jayden Broseph Karkat The Second Strider-Vantas? Or just Strider?" Dave itched at the back of his palm. "And, y'know, I think it'd be cool to have a family with you - we're already at that age and married, so it's not like we're speeding through this like a goddamn Mario game, have myself a best dad in the world cup while you get the kid ready for school. Rose and Kanaya have been waiting on our asses anyways to get Jasper some new playmate, so..."

Dave removed his glasses from the bridge of his nose, white and red staring keenly at Karkat.

"What....do you think?" he asked aloud.

Karkat blanched. His pointed ears turnt down, hesitating what to say, as a low blush crept on his face and spread.

"Okay. Um, wow," Karkat coughed out, eyes wide. "Are you - you sure?"

"Absolutely, man."

"With me?"

"Who else would I do this with, Gamzee?"

Karkat's eyes traced back to his bowl, shoulders tightening with a grand decision hanging over them. His food might've gone cold by now. He couldn't remember the last time he touched it, actually.

"Alright."

--

John gaped at them, looking Dave and Karkat up and down before a big grin painted his face.

"So, will you help?" Dave asked once more, returning back the same excited smile as Karkat shuffled behind him.

"Absolutely!" John yelled. "Oh, this is so exciting!"

"I know bro."

The moments in the ectolabs seemed like a blur to Karkat, everything happening so quickly as he stood before the platform and peered down at it intensely, boldly. Waiting for the bundle to just zap and appear, his heart thrumming.

Dave choked beside him, already breaking out into a sweat. "God, I'm so nervous."

"Dave, it's a little late for nervous." Karkat grumbled back, but swallowing thickly with anticipation.

In a flash, what took a swift second but the mutant couldn't tell as he screwed his eyes shut, messy bleach hair suddenly appeared and caught his eye instantly. Two new big and red eyes casted open, six talons clacking against the platform as the red grub emitted a yawn into the air.

"Holy shit its got my hair." Was the first thing Dave voiced. She looked at the two confused, switching her head from the human to the troll. Karkat felt his gaze permanently glued to the new grub, unable to tear his eyes from the mix of red and pale gray and white fluff of hair.

"She."

"What?" Dave looked over at him.

"She has your hair....and my blood color." he corrected slowly, while Dave contorted into a surprised expression.

Karkat swallowed again, staring in disbelief at the small thing in front of him. Dave nudged him gently.

"Pick her up." Dave murmured, causing the mutant troll to nod lightly before carefully moving into hold his daughter up, for the first time. This way, Karkat and Dave got a better look at her. She wriggled a bit in Karkat's hands, giving another yawn that showcased her tiny sharp teeth.

"Fuck she's tiny." Dave observed, leaning into Karkat and shifting his shades up a little.

"She's a grub," Karkat said plainly, his tone leaning defensive. "Grubs are naturally tiny."

"I know, though she's not all troll." Dave reminded him, a defeated agreement coming from the troll. He never made so much extra precaution before of holding his grub, making sure to not squeeze her too tight in case his claws pricked her but not too loose where he'd accidentally and regretfully drop her. She reopened her bright red eyes soon enough, staring at him mindlessly.

"Yeah, she's gonna be a weird as fuck kid." Karkat stated, quite affectionately while he softly rubbed a thumb over her chubby cheek. She suddenly glared furiously at him, puffing her cheeks up into a ball. Dave reeled his head back, pretending to feel intimidated by the adorably grumpy, fierce expression his grub gave him.

"Oh jeez, look at that scowl, looks like she doesn't like being called weird." Dave whistled, cracking into a smile. "She looks like you."

Karkat furrowed his caterpillar brows, simultaneously with their new daughter. Dave emitted an amused sound, planting a hand on Karkat's shoulder as he weaved his other through her hair.

A surprised expression struck his face suddenly, pausing his hand for a moment before pushing aside her hair, revealing nubby horns, mirroring her troll dad's but just a tad nubbier, beneath the mountain of white hair.

"She even has your horns." Dave said gleefully, shifting his weight more onto Karkat and wrapping his entire arm around his neck. Karkat grinned, proceeding to cradle his kid closer to his chest, the grub hooking her talons on his turtleneck and keeping a steady gaze on Karkat, responsive small chirrups spilling out from her then nuzzled her grouchy chubby face into his chest when he laid a small kiss to her silky hair.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Grace

Ava: Hey Grace: 👋 Ava: How'd it go with gym boy? Grace: 🤞 he's got the hint 👻 Ava: That good, huh Ava: how about the rest, you know, not boys? Grace: we so aren't here to talk about me Ava: Come on Ava: Give me some normal conversation right now Grace: !!!!!!!!! Grace: 100% not gonna be that bitch, talk to ME about what's going on in your oh so dramatic life! Grace: are you okay? Ava: Okay, okay Ava: I'll just come out with it Ava: no sugarcoating Grace: Duh 🚫🍫🍬🍭 Grace: it's not a cheat day Ava: 🤫🤫🤫 Ava: You wanna hear this hot, hot tea or nah Grace: obvs Ava: You'll be the least surprised so there's that Grace: 🚫😱😱😱 Ava: You know when you came here and then married guy couldn't come and then everything fizzled out? Ava: well, it actually did, for nearly a month Ava: but then he came back Grace: OMG Grace: it's literally the MOST 💖📽🎞 like FORGET before Ava: It really was Ava: remember when I got hit by that cyclist? Grace: that was so wild! OH was he the 🚴??? Ava: 😂 Ava: Imagine Grace: your otp Ava: But no, my parents were out of town Ava: and he came to the hospital, to make sure I was okay Ava: and he took me home and looked after me Grace: I'm like about to cry???!!! that's so Grace: 😍😍 Ava: Me too Ava: and of course, I had to go on Holiday like immediately after so that was shit but since then we've been talking and Ava: he's divorcing his wife Grace: I TOLD YOU HE WAS PURE Ava: I know Ava: and I'm sorry I had to kinda lie to you Ava: but I accidentally let slip I had talked to you and he freaked and that's why he first left so Grace: Oh please, if I filmed a storytime about this ALL the comments would be calling me out as #fake Grace: I get it Ava: It does sound pretty unbelievable Ava: even more so if I actually tell you who he is Grace: are you GOING TO???!! 😱😱😱 Ava: May as well, I've had to tell Nancy Ava: Parents and Buster to go Grace: Ugh! so sorry babes Ava: I couldn't tell you before 'cos they kinda know him Ava: knew him Ava: he was one of Buster's friends from School Ava: and his crazy wife is the main girl who bullied Nancy so Ava: that was fun Grace: Really?! wtf Grace: Chelsea is like Grace: so weirdly small Ava: That's why we call 'em villages, even though you're in a big city, the actual communities are ridiculously close-knit, for better and worse Ava: oh and Ava: make it weirder still Ava: you remember that boy from my party, Teddy? Grace: UM obvs I never forget a 💋 Ava: Well, that's his brother Grace: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Grace: do they look alike cos 🧸 is 😍😍 like 🙏🙏 Ava: Kinda Ava: [sends a cute photo he would've been able to send to the fake profile] Grace: oh Grace: my Grace: god Ava: I know Ava: 😩😍 Grace: did he edit his 👀??! I'm so shook 💙 Ava: No, I've seen them up close Ava: they're actually that unreal Grace: I can't even Ava: Guess what Grace: ?? Ava: He said he loves me Grace: NO WAY Grace: 😭😭😭😭 Ava: I know, I know Ava: I can't even Grace: so are you like a thing™ now? Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I'm telling everyone Grace: Your parents are gonna be so Ava: Ugh Ava: it's going to be a whole thing Ava: with all of them Grace: mhhmmm Grace: like I feel like I know the answer but how did Nancy take it?? Ava: She just Ava: does my head in at the best of times and this was no exception, sadly Grace: at least Buster can't be telling ANYONE how to live their lives Grace: especially 😍💖 Ava: Watch him try though Ava: I'm expecting it though, they'll have to get over it on their own time Grace: 🙄 Grace: I feel that, Ri always thinks she can tell me something Ava: It's so Grace: IKR Grace: full offense babes I'm gonna listen to Janis before you & like no Ava: It's gonna be hellish but they can't do anything about it Grace: 🙏💜🤞 Ava: unless they do in which case bye and feel free to go through my wardrobe 🤷 Grace: duh Grace: but watch me also take your man Ava: 😏 cheek Grace: my crazy would look 😇 next to his ex's Grace: love that for me Ava: 'Til I haunt you crazier Grace: so scared obvs Ava: 😒 Ava: I only just got him, you can't be stealing him Grace: so sorry but like gotta get the full set on that fam now Ava: You better 🙏 my parents take it that personal Grace: 😇🙏💜 Grace: Jesus is totally my bae so Ava: and God's favourite son Ava: leave mine alone 😉 Grace: 😂😂 Ava: So you're not mad at me now, yeah? Grace: lowkey 💔 but not mad Ava: awh please Grace: ILY bitch you know it Ava: ily too 💙 Grace: & now I don't have to 👻💔 his brother so Grace: no way he'll be hitting me up after this Ava: Oh yeah, you're welcome for doing your dirtywork Grace: 💜😂💜 Ava: Has he hit you up then? 👀 Grace: 🤐🤐🤐 Ava: After I just poured my heart out? Ava: Rudeness Grace: you're in a 📽🎞💖 I'm in a 📽🎞😱 starring my crazy Ava: Girl, please Grace: I'm so serious Grace: & so over it Ava: You're not crazy Grace: I'm not not Grace: ask gym boy, but like don't Ava: I'm not gonna sleuth on you, don't worry Grace: if you had you'd see 🧸 on my pics hitting the 💜 Ava: Cute Ava: he must like you or he'd air you Ava: it's not unheard of Grace: like I said, thanks for putting that work in for me babes Ava: 😒 why not talk to him Ava: you don't have to see him 24/7 Grace: well duh I'm not about to move in with you Grace: but that's not why I can't Ava: ? Grace: he's like Grace: & I'm like Grace: It's not gonna be a thing Ava: You can't be friends? Grace: 😂😂 no Grace: that's as terrifying OMG Ava: 🙄 he is NOT scary Ava: though he is gonna hate me now probably so loyalties Grace: UM yeah he is Grace: he's nice & so I'm scared of him Grace: @ gym boy too Ava: 🤔 Grace: ugh whatever Ava: You're a nice person, you should hang with other nice people Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I've got friends he doesn't need to be one Ava: Okay Ava: not my otp, not gonna push that hard Grace: or ours its fine Grace: he won't be 😭😭😭 Ava: 'Course Ava: gonna have bigger problems to deal with, lbr Ava: 😬 Grace: yeah exactly Grace: maybe we can bond when the wife murders you but like Grace: black isn't my fave tbh can't 🤞 I'll serve my best look Ava: Funny 😏 Ava: she's actually 'out of the country' rn so you should probably watch your back 🔪🔪 Grace: you're so not gonna come visit me now you're 😍😍😍 are you? Grace: are you even doing holiday 2? Ava: time is getting away from us Ava: summer holiday standard Ava: it lowkey has not been organized so god knows now, I wouldn't be mad if it didn't but I wouldn't not go, I guess Grace: depends how they take your homewrecker status Ava: Yep, cheers 👍 Grace: people are shady Ava: Sure Ava: but my actual friend friends will know what's up Ava: everyone else chats about us anyway Grace: true Grace: shoutout to the fam for that one Ava: at least this one is something I actually did so Ava: oh well Grace: anyone who has a clue about his ex will know it's not even you Grace: like sorry hun you killed that 💍 yourself Ava: I'm not too fussed, it's my last year 💁 Grace: #priorities Ava: Exactly Grace: still so triggered by the idea of going back though thanks Grace: school is the WORST Ava: tell me about it Ava: won't miss that place Ava: Chelsea in general moreso but it isn't like I'll be a million miles away Grace: unlike me always a ✈ away Ava: Do you reckon you'll stay in Dublin? Grace: I guess Grace: where else would I go? Ava: You aren't going to make like Billie and Nancy and bounce then? Grace: being a or sleeping with models isn't very likely for me, babes Ava: Models are usually weird looking anyways Ava: oops accidental shade at your sister 🙊 Ava: don't tell Grace: thanks? I think Grace: shade her all you want, I'm about it Ava: How many times have you seen her kid? Grace: Like none Grace: we might get christmas but Ava: this family is messy Ava: watch me get lectured like it ain't Grace: preach Grace: maybe I shouldn't stay here Ava: you could stay or go wherever Ava: everywhere needs beauticians Grace: not Chelsea though, I'd run into your boyfriend's wife Grace: obvs can't escape anyone there Ava: 😂 truly Ava: I don't wanna be far away from the fam Ava: cracked as they are Ava: but that's just me Ava: I guess it isn't automatically selfish to move yourself halfway 'cross the globe hmm Grace: same though, I even miss Junie & like ?? why Grace: never saw him when we lived in the same house Ava: yeah Ava: that whole situation still fucks me off I Ava: idk Ava: I know it's not the kid's fault but I can barely even look at pictures of her Grace: Ri never should've done it Grace: like he didn't need a kid that bad Grace: obvs he didn't actually need one at all but nobody NEEDS one Ava: If they'd been together any amount of time Ava: Junior wasn't 20 fucking years old Ava: it was really stupid Ava: Buster said but oh well Grace: Demi is so Grace: I can't Ava: This family can't seem to help but add more fucked up people into its sphere Ava: like Ro hadn't just brought Drew back, AGAIN Grace: Getting pregnant by accident is one thing, like it's stupid but okay Grace: they planned that Ava: This family has way too many baby hangups dating back to nan Ava: can't blame her for all of this but break the cycle, someone, damn Grace: literally had my contraception on 🔒 since I was 13 thank you Ava: 'Accident' is some bullshit 9/10 times tbh Ava: you knew it was a matter of time, even if you don't know you knew it Grace: @ my mum & dad so hard Ava: and mine, they say the twins were an accident but they probably would've broke up if they hadn't have had them at that time so Grace: mhmmm Ava: ugh Ava: I'm just heated knowing how hard I'm gonna have to defend this Ava: like I've got myself pregnant Grace: don't even joke, she trapped that poor boy so hard like Ava: seriously, he probably never wants kids again Ava: not that I've asked because it's been like a month or so and I'm not psychotic, thanks Grace: do you? not now obvs Ava: I don't know Ava: like, don't tell my mother but I don't actually meticulously plan every aspect of my life Ava: if I ended up at a place and time in my life where it felt right, I could see it Ava: but if I ended up living a different life where they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't and I wouldn't be 💔 about that Grace: 😂🤐 Ava: Do you? Grace: girl, I'm too freaked out to let a boy date me, I don't think it's gonna happen Ava: you won't be 16 forever Ava: and if Ro can manage it Ava: your mum and Drew are probably the only people to see her vaguely undressed in her life Grace: idk sometimes it's all I want & sometimes it's the WORST thing I could think of Ava: I get that Ava: I don't think its a thing you can overthink, 'cos it's not usually right or wrong Ava: so people just do it and have to deal, better or worse Grace: Yeah Grace: maybe I'll get like that with dating Grace: or you know, get so lonely that I won't care that people always leave Ava: 😔 Ava: You'll get there, whether there is living your best life with or without Ava: I'm defs getting left after this fiasco so I'll come 😭 to you in a few no doubt Ava: we're walking Frank rn, so gonna enjoy this whilst it lasts 👌🥰 Grace: UM no! He LOVES you remember, you'll come at me with your 😍 more like Ava: 🤞🤞 Grace: 🙏💜

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2010s: 65 - 61

65. Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone” Germany 2018

[2018 Review Here] (shared with Eugent)

When Germany revealed this homely carrot top  as their entrant I of course IMMEDIATELY rolled my eyes at it. Discount Ed Sheeran, GTFO!! Idk what the general lowdown on Ed Sheeran is, but good lord that man is responsible for some really BORING and GENERIC music (I will never get the obsession with “Perfect”, ever.) and as you can expect that also bled into my initial opinon of Michael.

However, two things. A of all, “You let me walk alone” is a much better song because it is actually VERY catchy, in a good way. ONE love / TWO hearts /  THREE kids / LOVING mum is among the more memorable hooks in this decade. 

Secondly, Michael’s emotion is *real*. This is a song about his coping with his dead father and well... I am not made from stone. Dude was in GENUINE TEARS during the endgame!! And as someone who deeply loves his father, I can definitely empathize with that message on a personal level.

There are better songs around. There are better performers around. There is better emotional pull left in this ranking. Regardless, Michael was able to stun me into teary-eyed silence and that is a feat which earns nothing less than RESPECT.

________________________________________________________________

64. Softengine - “Something better” Finland 2014

FANTASTIC INDIE ANGELS <333 The appreciation I have to Softengine I have is obvious, yes? Highly energetic indie rock song from one of my favourite Eurovision countries. 😍 That also did VERY well because it’s genuinely that good. Take THAT Finland bullies!!! #HeyaSuomi

However, Softengine offer even more than just a kickass rock song. They offer some of my favourite song lyrics ever? They are both puzzlingly weird and endearingly ESL Even Human Bound People Rolling Dice Such A Novel Life She Thought While Knowing Nothing At All~

What on earth is Topi singing about? 😍 Well actually, it’s the story of an old man looking back at the life he’s had and.. It actually has a LOT of emotional pull wtf? Take a look at the bridge: 

ALL THESE WORDS SHE MEANT TO SAY TO ME

ALL THESE WORDS AGAINST MY FAITH

ALL THESE WORDS BEFORE SHE PASSED AWAY

ALL THESE WORDS  WILL NEVER NEVER NEVER CHANGE

A wonderful display of juvenile energy that has me coming back craving for me. SHOULD HAVE BEEN TOP 10 but lol it’s Finland when is Finland not getting bullied by people with no taste. 😭

________________________________________________________________

63. Litesound - “We are the heroes” Belarus 2012

More rock angels. 😍 However, Litesound rank on the other end of the quality spectrum, being great because of their incompetence.  

Honestly, I don’t think there’s anything more endearing when the inept give it their all, completely oblivious to their amateurism, a description which -let’s be honest- is “Belarus in Eurovision” is in a nutshell 😍. Well that plus the hilariously rigged NF, remember that ALYONA LANSKAYA originally won Litesound’s NF and then had to bequeath her spot to them when her voting fraud was exposed. 😍 It’s not even the most hilariously rigged NF of the decade though, omg YES we shall discuss that whenever it’s “Samo shampioni’s” turn. 😈

Anyway, Litesound bring the a double whammy of hilarity with some A+ Bad English diction (let us all sing along)

WONEVER STEN INDO AR WEH WHEEL MEK IT FRU DE DEH CUZ WE AR DA WEINERS WE AR DA GEEROS

WIR BRACKING DOWN DA WALLZ GODDA HIT DE MALL CUZ WE ARE DA GEEROS WE ARE DA DRIMURS

and the fact that all Litesound members look like animals, introducing:

The seahorse

The afghan greyhound

the mongoose

and of course Dima who might be the lovechild of Alsou and an ostrich. 😍

All of this may make you believe I merely stan Litesound on an ironic level, but I actually LOVE them on an unironic level too. “We are the heroes” is a fun, futuristic electronic rock rollercoaster and Litesound strike a perfect balance between good song, disarming incompetence and going ALL OUT in proving themselves as high quality, laced with high voltage addictive rock beats. SO, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY, NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO, I’LL MAKE IT ALL RIGHT! I’M BRACKING DOWN THE WALLS, THEY ARE THE *HEROES*

________________________________________________________________

62. Justs - “Heartbeat” Latvia 2016

AGE OF AMINATA <3 what a glorious two-piece act in the herstory of Latvia. To Latvia’s credit they completely reinvented themselves in the Supernova Era, usually resulting in bold entries (and Carousel). 

If "Love injected” was the earthquake that shook Latvia AWAKE with her experimental masterpieces, then "Heartbeat” is the aftershock, providing the same avant garde novelty, but not as impactful with a lesser impact. 

However, to recycle a phrase i’ve already used multiple times, a lesser Aminata is still fucking awesome. “Heartbeat” packs a massive emotional punch, being more aggressive and volatile than its predecessor, which... works out fine actually. Killer lines such as:

YOU’RE MY DESIRE AND MY PAIN BUT ALL THE BATTLES ARE IN VAIN YOU MEAN MORE THAN ANYTHING TO  MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

need an emotionally intense delivery and Justs fucking GOES for it without any inhibitions for his own health and safety 

and with every passing second

he gets more into the zone

right until the end, when he LOSES his voice and is reduced to panting an aspirated ”thank you”. 😍 If you’re going to sing about lost love, you’d better do it by also SCREAMING YOUR LUNGS OUT <3

________________________________________________________________

61. Hatari - “Hatrið mun sigra” Iceland 2019

God I’ve been dreading this write-up. Not because of the Hatari stans (lol who is going to complain about getting ranked 61st out of 408), but can I do Hatari justice in print? Hatari weren’t as much as an entry as they were the fiery spirit of mischief, an existential manifestation of defiance, a gestalt of provocative resistance, all contained in the tiny package of two asshole hellraisers.  Yes, assholes.  You see, the one thing you NEED to understand before everything else is that Hatari’s poetic palestine shawl moment is one of grade A assholery. Pulling that at the last sec towards their hosts WAS a dick move and Hatari were fully aware of it. We MUST see this as a fact before we discuss anything else that is also Hatari-related.

However, that’s precisely the point? Provocation was the sensation that swept the icelandic nation and its idolization became Hatari’s vocation with dedication and its application in the humiliation and the vexation of the Israeli station in support of the Palestine civilization, leaving KAN in devastation after months of the rabid disorganization was a justification well worth the potential probation. In other words: GET REKT KAN SHIT HOSTS HOPE U GET BLACKLISTED LOLOL #Hatredwon 😈 😈. 

ps: still getting the Israelis to cheer for them despite being OPENLY pro-palestine when will ur faves.

~My reasons~ for ranking Hatari lower post-show are less grounded in the politics (again, they were jerks but... that’s also the entire point of sending Hatari lmfao) and more determined by the actual live performance: I thought Klemens was underwhelming and his parts of “Hatrið mun sigra” were also the fave bits. 😭 On the flipside I thought Matthias was excellent (when he didn’t miss his cue) and I legit laugh out loud each time I see his hilarious OTT facial expressions.

What a justified use of guyliner <3 The act was yet again a diabolically brilliant clanging of chains, bashing of mallets, grinding of gears, steaming of punk, a satanic cirque du soleil come to rain justice and brimstone down on our hopeless souls. Hatari were the anti-heroes we needed and don’t deserve.

ps: i hope i will ever find someone who loves me as much as Klemens loves Teresa May. 

Iceland’s chart looks much better than I thought it would, but the averages actually put them somewhere in the middle on average. Iceland are always hit-or-miss for me, much moreso in the 2010s than in any other decade and it’s largely down to them failing to pick the best available option because, you know, BadTastitis. 

the next update... will be the FINAL one in this shade of green :o  Yes, we are about to move on to the highest, upperest, bestest tier of Eurovision entries. The mind-blowingly amazing entries that are not off this fucking world. Find out who makes the cut and who doesn’t TOMORROW :o

[toaarcan]

Sonic X, Sonic Heroes, and IDW, or: How a bad anime from 2004 spoiled a comic from 2019.

Now, I haven’t been following IDW Sonic all that closely. I get regular updates from Nemesis via Discord, and additional info from some of the Tumblrs I follow that are invested in it, but I don’t really have a desire to touch it myself. Here’s why.

There’s a multitude of reasons for this. Starting with the background of Sonic Forces wasn’t really a good place to begin from, and being based on present-day game lore in general was always going to hurt it, mainly because SEGASonic canon is currently a confusing mess of retcons brought on by Iizuka taking the J.K. Rowling approach.

Wait, no, he’s just saying stupid shit that contradicts previous canon, not trying to score woke points and hoping nobody notices the frankly terrible stereotypes and TERF tweets. Iizuka is taking the Greg Farshtey approach.

Added, as anyone that’s had experience with my opinions will tell you, I started falling out of love with Ian Flynn’s writing somewhere around Issue 200, and moved to outright dislike during Mecha Sally, and to make matters worse I started noticing that some of the flaws in the 200-247 era were also present in the 160-199 era, retroactively making those harder to go back to.

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: I kept up with Archie for the SatAM cast. SatAM reruns back in 2004 were my Sonic, moreso than anything else, and even now I still have way more attachment to those two seasons of animation than I do to most other aspects of the franchise, warts and all. So Archie providing me with additional content for said characters was a major draw for me. I’d generally put up with a lot just to get myself more SatAM content.

That in itself is a large part of why I fell off the Archie train during Mecha Sally. The entirety of the SatAM cast were removed from the regular lineup, just leaving three SEGA characters with their personalities stunted, even if that didn’t make sense in-universe. But that’s a discussion for another day.

So being written by someone whom I no longer enjoyed the writing of, set in a mess of a canon with a thoroughly shite game as the main basis, without the cast I read the previous comics for gave me little reason to invest in IDW Sonic. It wasn’t for me, I’d just keep reading Transformers and move on.

Then MTMTE/LL ended with a heart-twister and Ex-RID ended with a giant Unicron-shaped fart, and the new comic is dull as fucking dishwater and started by killing off one of my favourites, who was also one of the franchise’s confirmed LGBT characters. So now IDW is getting none of my money. Which is good because I’m broke.

Tangents aside, my lack of interest wasn’t something set in stone. If it turned out that the comic was actually really good, then sure, I’d try it. I was up for being proven wrong. But so far, I haven’t felt compelled by the responses from the internet. If anything I’ve been more turned off.

I could talk about how zombies are really fucking boring. I could talk about how SEGA’s recent confusion over what to do with Amy has combined with Ian’s need to include a Sally-esque character to make IDW Amy into Sally Lite. I could talk about how Ian seemingly fundamentally misunderstood everything that was cool about Neo Metal Sonic and somehow managed to reduce him to a boring Eggman minion in an arc where Eggman was out of action due to amnesia… But I won’t.

Instead I’m going to talk about how the comic has done something that would legitimately make me think twice about picking it up even if the FF were to debut tomorrow.

Yeah, I would pass up a SatAM fix because of this, that’s how much this ticks me off.

Now, I presume that if you’re reading this, you have a favourite Sonic character. And you probably feel pretty strongly about how your favourite character is portrayed. If they get a bad run in a game or two then you probably get a little salty about that. Tails and Knuckles fans in particular, as of late, seem to be the ones getting the short end.

Well, my favourite character in the entire franchise is Emerl the Gizoid. I will take Gemerl as a worthy substitute, they’re basically the same character. And the comics have been doing them dirty since the Archie reboot.

(Sidenote: I will be referring to Emerl with male pronouns from this point on. The Maria-soul thing isn’t as widely known as I’d like it to be, so I’m going to compromise for the sake of keeping the focus on the actual point)

However, not everything about this can be laid at the feet of Ian Flynn. Arguably his portrayal of said character is merely a symptom of a long-running issue that has plagued Sonic storytelling for roughly 15-16 years now.

But before we get into that, let’s get into something important: Why Emerl is my favourite Sonic character.

Part 1: Emerl in Sonic Battle, or “How I learned to stop worrying and love the Gizoid”.

This game doesn’t get enough love.

Now, I totally understand why it doesn’t get enough love. There are game design choices, like the grinding and the repetitiveness of the story mode that really drag it down, and because of that, Battle can become a slow-going and tedious experience, and that’s a real shame, because the story that’s hidden in this game is a thing of beauty.

Like most Sonic games from the 2000s, this game introduces a new character to join Sonic’s list of friends. Unlike the games that aren’t SA2 and Sonic Rush, this new character is actually good (This is hyperbole, Omega, Silver, and Shade were fine too).

Emerl enters the story as a mute, barely-functional robot that doesn’t do much of anything for a while, and only seems to come to life when Sonic locates it and attacks it. However, as the robot absorbs more Chaos Emeralds, slowly a personality starts to form, largely pieced together from other characters’ traits.

Emerl, as he is dubbed, is initially childlike and naive, but as he grows he develops a sassy streak, and his speech becomes a lot more developed. Maturity sets in, as Emerl grapples with his own nature, particularly the legacy he carries from the ARK, and Shadow’s ongoing turmoil with regards to the whole “Living Weapon” deal. Ultimately he becomes a hero, following in the footsteps of his mentor, parental figure, and closest friend, Sonic.

That’s right, Sonic, not Cream, is Emerl’s closest friend. We’ll get to that.

But this heart-warming story of Sonic becoming a dad for a robot doesn’t have a happy ending. Despite Shadow and Rouge finding a way to neutralise Emerl’s destructive Gizoid programming, Eggman has a way to reactivate it anyway, driving Emerl into a berserk rampage. This is kind of the one sticking point I have with the game’s plot, Eggman shouldn’t have been able to do this after Shadow and Rouge neutralised Emerl.

Additionally, while Emerl was on the ARK getting Maria’s soul crammed into him, Gerald also added a self-destruct mechanism that would trigger if he ever went Ultimate again.

So with Emerl quite literally exploding with all the power of the Chaos Emeralds, but his destructive programming forcing him to turn Eggman’s latest Death Star knockoff on Mobius/Earth/Sonic’s World, Sonic races up to confront his mecha-child, and things take a turn for the Old Robot Yeller.

In a moment that really deserves more attention, Sonic confronts his own child on the bridge of a space station, while Emerl is running on the power of the Chaos Emeralds and outputting more energy than he can physically take, and they fight. In the space of thirty seconds, they have a ten-round knock-down, drag-out brawl, and at the end, Sonic stands triumphant. Without using a single transformation. Yeah, that’s how powerful this guy is, that’s not travel speed, that’s combat speed. Looking at you, Death Battle.

It’s not really clear whether Sonic outright defeats Ultimate Emerl, or just survives long enough for his opponent to reach his limit and self-destruct, but the end result is the same. Sonic cradles a robot that became his own child over the course of the past few weeks, someone he raised from a baby-like state into a mature and heroic individual, and Emerl looks up at him and asks “Sonic… am I going to die?” And despite Sonic desperately trying to get him to keep it together, Not only does Emerl die, but he’s aware that the end is coming, and bids farewell to all of his friends as Sonic pleads with him to hold on. Shadow is equally distraught, his only friend with a connection to the ARK, someone he can call a brother, someone who carries the soul of his deceased sister within him, is dead.

Emerl: “Sonic I don’t feel so good.”

Like it’s canon that Eggman basically murdered Sonic’s kid.

And goddamnit this ending hits me hard. It frustrates me that Eggman was able to pull a means to drive Emerl into his Ultimate freakout mode out of his arse, but other than that, it’s so gutwrenching, I love it.

Gamma’s story from SA1 gets a lot of praise on the Internet, but for me, this is even better. It’s like Gamma’s story, but if Gamma was actually central to the plot of the game and the characters other than Amy gave a shit about him, and gave a shit about him for longer than a single cutscene, after which they are never mentioned again. Hell, due to Chaos Gamma being a thing, Gamma gets more love from the other characters in Battle than he does in SA1.

But, unfortunately, it doesn’t end there.

Part 2: (Sonic) Anime was a Mistake, or: “Sonic X ruins everything.”

I’ve made my dislike of this anime quite clear in the past. The characters are flanderized, Sonic is a B-lister in his own damn show, the villains are weaksauce or boring or both, the plot is only remotely close to good when its cribbing from two videogames which told the stories in question better, and for the first two seasons the entire show actually revolves around not Sonic, but the least relatable audience surrogate ever made. The third season would continue to include him, but shove him (And everyone else) to the side in favour of a Pokemon whose only move was “Flashback”, making audiences the world over question why he was even there in the first place.

Oh, and it also near-singlehandedly destroyed the thin shreds of character development that Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Eggman had received in Sonic Adventure 2.

All four of these characters had been significantly enriched by the then most recent console game. Eggman had been revealed to be motivated by an admiration for his grandfather, Gerald Robotnik, but in the same game learned that Gerald had lost his marbles and programmed the ARK to smash into the planet and kill everyone on it, probably including his surviving family, i.e. little baby Ivo Robotnik. Gerald betrayed Eggman posthumously, and it’s clear from Eggman’s interactions with Tails during the credits of the game that this is giving him a lot to think about.

Knuckles is a weird case because most of his characterisation in SA2 is conveyed via… the lyrics to his rap music. Yes, really. He gets minor growth through the cutscenes, most notably in his decision to shatter the Master Emerald early on. Having already reassembled it once after it was broken in SA1, he’s now confident that he can do it again, so is willing to break it to prevent Eggman or Rouge stealing it. Via the rap lyrics, however (Yes I just wrote that), we also learn that Knuckles is slowly warming up to Sonic, gaining a greater respect for him, that he is more in-touch with his history and ancestors after SA1 (Though fortunately not in a Ken Penders way), and that he’s also struggling with feelings for Rouge, a plot element that went completely out of the window after this game.

Tails and Amy, however, get it the worst, as both went through arcs in SA1 that are followed up on and expanded in SA2. Amy had come to the conclusion that she didn’t need to rely on Sonic for everything, and that she would make him respect her as a hero in her own right. And while Amy is clearly in way over her head throughout the events of SA2, she still makes a significant difference, not only freeing Sonic from his cell on Prison Island, allowing Tails’ invasion to be a distraction and stealing a keycard to facilitate it, but of course, she later saves the world by motivating Shadow to join the fight to stop the ARK drop.

Tails had a similar plot, about learning to believe in himself as a hero, without having to rely on Sonic, and in SA2 he gets to prove it, not only partaking in the same rescue operation as Amy and fighting Eggman on even footing, but effectively taking command of the heroes and becoming their new leader, and for the first time, Sonic defers to him.

And then Sonic X came along and fucked it all up.

Eggman became a clownish antagonist with no semblance of nuance, and he actually got off the easiest.

Knuckles became a loud, dimwitted loner who got tricked by Eggman constantly, which would go on to be his personality for the rest of the franchise, ultimately culminating in the travesty against all sense that was Boom Knuckles.

Tails was reduced to a wimpy taxi driver, incapable of doing anything without his giant mecha plane to sit in. This was largely exacerbated by the presence of Donut Steele, who usurped his role as Sonic’s best friend and sidekick for two seasons, a problem which only got worse in the third season when Donut Steele suddenly became a genius inventor too, encroaching even more into Tails’ territory. Tails did get himself some more focus in S3, but only to make googly eyes at the Pokemon, a role which frankly could’ve gone to literally anyone else and would have made no difference on the plot. I would say that Tails being involved in a romance story at all is weird, but given the comics and Boom the weirdest thing about this latest tragic love story for the kid is that the Pokemon was actually close to his own age, because outside of this it really does seem like Tails goes for older ladies. Though she did turn into an adult at the end so I guess that counts?

But Amy arguably got the worst of it. Not only was her crowning moment in SA2 taken away from her and given to Donut Steele, but the poor girl had her promising character arc cut short and replaced with an obsessive, unhealthy fixation on Sonic, combined with a violent temper and an eagerness to smash anything that displeased her, Sonic included, with a giant hammer. Her admiration and crush on Sonic were warped into her being a possessive, mean-spirited stalker, whom only got away with it because she was an anime girl and therefore it was cute rather than creepy.

I want to take the time at this point to stress that stalking is not okay, under any circumstances. A girl obsessively following an older guy and threatening him and everyone around him with violent assault if they ever so much as imply that he isn’t interested in her is not cute, it means it’s time for a restraining order. Sonamy is not cute.

Now that I’ve swatted that particular hornet’s nest with a cricket bat, let’s move on!

I’ve always found it ironic that, despite being the adaptation with the most oversight from SEGA and Sonic Team, and the most endorsement from them too, Sonic X had easily the worst characterisation of any of the shows at the time. But, for all its faults, I can’t blame everything that went down in the aftermath on it. It had a comrade-in-arms. Mediocrely-written arms.

Part 3: Partner in Crime, or “Sonic Heroes also ruins everything.”

Sonic Heroes has a lot to answer for. And I mean a lot. It was the beginning of the franchise’s obsession with references to the classic games, it codified the really awkward ages for certain characters, and it seemed to be dedicated to completely unpicking everything established in the Adventure duology.

Shadow’s sudden resurrection is one thing, at least they had the graces to include a means to preserve his sacrifice via having him be an android, the blame for that not taking should be laid at the feet of his own game.

But the rest of the cast? Ohhh boy. Sonic’s still fine, he didn’t change much in the Adventure games, but then there’s Tails. Despite all the development he went through in SA1, in this game he needs to turn to Sonic when Eggman returns, and honestly this whole setup could’ve been fixed if Tails sought Sonic out not for the sake of having him lead the charge, but rather simply to recruit him into the counterattack he was already planning. Nevertheless, throughout the rest of the game Tails is almost as wimpy as his X counterpart, not helped by the voicework he’s given. No offense to William Corkery, who was probably like six when he recorded his lines, but this what you get when you choose actors via nepotism, rather than talent. But at least he does something.

How about Knuckles? As the other side of his derailment, Knuckles just turns up in this game, buddy-buddy with the characters he was only just starting to warm up to before, and blatantly not caring about the Master Emerald until Rouge mentions she’s going to steal it at the end. This will combine with his becoming a dumbass in Sonic X and become basically his entire character for… ever. Even in Forces, where he’s supposed to be doing slightly better as the leader of the resistance… but he’s a dumbass, and even Ian Flynn, who kept Knuckles as competent and intelligent in the Archie comics (Making the best version of Knuckles we’ve had in forever), kept this ongoing in the IDW comic. The Forces prequel portrays him as deciding to become leader of the Resistance (To an empire that hasn’t actually formed yet) purely to be a glory hound, and then goes on to establish that he was basically a figurehead while the real work was done by Amy, of all people.

And speaking of Amy…

Yeah, poor Amy is basically her Sonic X counterpart. But worse. I didn’t think that was possible, but at least X’s Amy seems to care about her friends. In Heroes, we’re treated to an equally violent and stalkerish Amy, who ostensibly starts searching out Sonic because he’s implicated in the abduction of Cream and Big’s pets, but when they actually catch up to him, Amy clean forgets why she is looking for him in the first place and tries to force him to marry her. Despite being twelve.

Y’know when Amy said she wanted to marry Sonic in SA2, she was joking, right?

This is why I find the idea of Amy being the real leader of the Resistance frankly absurd: Because the only time she led anything, it was a team that consisted of herself, a small child, and a man less intelligent and aware of reality than said small child, and she completely forgot their actual objective the moment she set her eyes on Sonic. Add in an unfortunate stint of very poor eyesight that got less and less understandable with every instance, and we got Amy’s rough personality for the next decade.

While Knuckles mostly stagnated at the same level of stupidity during that time, Tails got worse and worse, losing all of his badass traits with every game, a factor only increased by the “Sonic only” mentality costing him playable status, until he reached his nadir in Forces, cowering in terror from Chaos 0, and crying out to Sonic to save him, despite knowing full-well that Sonic was captured already.  Amy, meanwhile, limped along at the same level until about 2014, where it seemed someone at SEGA finally realised that A) Having the only female character you regularly use be a pink-coloured gender-bent version of your male hero whose only function is lusting after said hero doesn’t and shouldn’t fly in this day and age, and B) violent stalkers aren’t cute, and dropped this trait. Unfortunately, this has been more of a lateral move than a fix, as, much like Antoine in the comics, they forgot to give her anything substantial or fitting after she lost her negative traits, leaving her a bland and dull character, and when you’ve had a character be consistent for ten years, even if they were consistently bad, then changing it without cause or warning is still going to be jarring and awkward.

Part 4: Two Wrongs Don’t Make a Right, or “Why the fuck did this happen?”

As I said in Part 2, Sonic X was made under heavy oversight from Sonic Team, and was heavily endorsed by them at the same time. There were promos for the show inserted into Sonic Adventure DX, a few episodes were released on GBA cartridges, and it received a long-running comic from Archie that ran alongside the main book, even after the show had ended. Additionally, characters that debuted in games from 2002-2004 were restricted from appearing in Archie’s main book for years afterwards (Which will become relevant later). The third season was commissioned solely off of the response to the first two, and primarily overseas response, hence why the original sub was never aired in Japan.

Sonic X was huge. And with that in mind, it’s plain to see that the portrayals of the characters in Sonic X were intended by SEGA. Yeah, all that horrible characterisation was intended as the vision for the franchise going forwards, and subsequent games were adjusted to match it.

And unfortunately, not only did this have a serious impact on the main cast of the games, but it had an even worse effect on Emerl.

Part 5: Emerl in Sonic X, or “Emerl vs. ‘Emel’”

Sonic X’s original mission statement was to adapt Sonic Adventure, Sonic Adventure 2, and Sonic Battle. Why they skipped Sonic Heroes, despite Shadow being a major player in Battle’s story, I don’t know.

For whatever reason, the show took a full season to actually get to the first game adaptation, SA1, and instead spent the first 26 episodes on bland episodic “adventures”, in some kind of strange reverse-Isekai series. However, once it got there, the adaptation work was fairly faithful to the source material, which the exception of Donut Steele’s being crammed in to the plot. However, he mostly followed Big around, and since Big was the least involved in the game’s plot, he didn’t disrupt too much.

Sidenote, after 26 episodes of filler, the actual SA1 adaptation only lasted six episodes.

SA2 was likewise only six episodes, but with the exception of Amy’s big scene, it likewise wasn’t too bad. Tails suffered this time around too, which is somewhat surprising since he was mech-dependent in the anime anyway.  

After some more filler, which introduced the Chaotix and then did nothing with them, Emerl finally made an appearance, albeit they got his name wrong.

‘Emel’ looks like Emerl, and somewhat works like Emerl, but might as well be completely  different. ‘Emel’ stays completely mute for the entire time he’s around, never advancing much beyond Emerl’s initial silent, pre-first Emerald persona. He does get better at fighting, but he’s limited to only absorbing a single skill at once (Except for when he isn’t).

Dispensing with Battle’s interesting, rich, and heart-twisting plot, Sonic X instead has ‘Emel’ linger in ensemble for three episodes, before condensing the entire game’s premise into a two episodes of really bland tournament arc, where Sonic himself doesn’t actually fight and we get two rounds of Donut Steele being a dick to his friend and his father.

‘Emel’ wins the tournament, and is given a Chaos Emerald, and just when you think it might kickstart him becoming an actual character, instead it just drives him insane and he immediately becomes a pathetically weak version of Ultimate Emerl. After kicking the crap out of the entire cast, he is defeated by Cream and Cheese, because even though he can take on Sonic, Knuckles, and Rouge at the same time and win, along with Tails, Amy, Donut Steele and everyone else, he… can’t handle two opponents at once.

This is stupid.

You’ll notice that I haven’t talked about Sonic’s relationship with ‘Emel’, and that’s because he doesn’t have one. The wonderfully-written parental bond that these two characters share in the games is completely excised, and instead the focus is put on Cream. Bare in mind, Cream is so inconsequential to the actual game that she doesn’t even get mentioned individually in Emerl’s dying speech like Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow do. Instead she’s just grouped in with Amy.

This is also stupid.

And as a result of this, it means that what is arguable base form Sonic’s most impressive feat just doesn’t happen in the anime, instead Emerl dies because he is lightly kicked a bit by Cream. Yeah, unlike the Advance games, Sonic X’s Cream is not an unstoppable engine of destruction, she’s basically just a small child who can sometimes fly.

Instead of Emerl’s tragic speech and Sonic’s desperate attempts to keep his son alive, we get treated to a prolonged scene of Cream crying over the death of her “friend”, something that is probably meant to tug at heartstrings but doesn’t because Cream’s voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard.

And Shadow isn’t even there! He doesn’t come back until a third of the way through Season 3, and never meets ‘Emel.’

This is really stupid. And, for those keeping track, that means of Sonic X’s originally commissioned 52 episodes, and the full series run of 78 episodes, a stunning total of seventeen of them were actually adaptations of the games that the series was supposed to focus on, leaving us with 61 episodes of what might as well be filler.

And, unfortunately, that franchise-wide initiative had damning consequences for Emerl.

Part 6: Gemerl and Sonic Advance 3, or: “An incomplete resurrection.”

So, Gemerl. I know his name is apparently G-Merl now but fuck that I’m calling him Gemerl. If the comics can do it then so will I.

Gemerl is the worst thing Eggman has ever done to Sonic. Like, there is no contest. Some of his other schemes might be more destructive and generally evil, but in terms of personal pain inflicted, nothing has topped this.

Eggman salvaged Emerl’s corpse, and brought him back to life as a mindless murderbot under his control. So not only did he kill Sonic’s robo-son, but he also brought him back as a weapon.

Come the conclusion of the game, Gemerl predictably betrays Eggman, steals the Chaos Emeralds from Sonic, and goes on another rampage. I have… headcanons about this fight, but that’s something to worry about later. What’s important is that, once again, Sonic is victorious, and Gemerl’s defeated body plunges into the atmosphere.

Fortunately, Tails is able to bring Emerl back properly this time, presumably using the Chaos shard that was left over at the end of Battle’s finale. So, it’s all a happy ending, right? Sonic has his child back, Shadow has his connection to his history restored, and Emerl is alive and well, right?

Wrong.

See, the vile spectre of Sonic X rears its ugly head once more, and sabotages this conclusion. Gemerl doesn’t return to Sonic, in fact we never see him reunite with his father. Instead, Sonic X’s version has enough clout now to take precedence, so Gemerl is now Cream’s playmate.

Bear in mind that Emerl’s idea of a fun game is all-out combat against his friends, and Cream doesn’t like fighting (Even if she’s really good at it in Advance 2 and 3).

And then he never shows up again. Even when Cream is part of the game’s plot, like in Rush or Generations, he’s not there, and most egregiously, in Sonic Chronicles, where Cream is not only an active player in the plot, but so are Gizoids, the creators of said Gizoids are the main antagonists, and Emerl himself is mentioned… Gemerl is not there.

But he did make it into the comics, for better or worse. Mostly worse.

Part 7: Embargos, knock-offs, and misused tropes, or: “Ian Flynn dun goofed.”

For a long while, Emerl/Gemerl was barred from the Archie comics, due to the Sonic X embargo, and when it was lifted, he didn’t appear until the reboot. We did, however, get a suspiciously similar substitute in the form of Shard.

Shard was the original Metal Sonic, but when he was brought back and rebuilt for the Secret Freedom arc, he was given a colour scheme ostensibly derived from Metal Sonic 3.0, but one shared with Gemerl, and a personality that was a lot like a watered-down version of Emerl’s own.

On some level I can understand Ian’s decision to bring back Metal Sonic v2.5, rather than use the character that seems to have been an inspiration for this new incarnation in some way. He’d need a fully-formed Emerl, necessitating a skip over the whole story, since there wasn’t room for an adaptation during the Mecha Sally arc that the Secret Freedom story was framed within. Heck, for all we know, the similarities between them may simply be a pretty sizeable coincidence.

But then the reboot happened and Gemerl finally joined the comic cast. And to say it was underwhelming would be an understatement.

You’ll notice that I said “Gemerl” rather than “Emerl”, because his entire story was indeed skipped. The events of Sonic Battle and Sonic Advance 3 had both happened already. This wasn’t Ian’s decision, as far as we know, his intention was for the comic to start over from the beginning. However, due to the interference of Paul Kaminski, who wanted a softer reboot, Ian was forced to fill the characters’ active histories with a large chunk of the games’ stories. Battle and Advance 3 were among those that had already happened, so Emerl made cameos in both incarnations via flashback… which unfortunately led to a plot hole.

See, Advance 3 and Sonic Unleashed are rather difficult to keep in the same continuity, because both share a common plot element: The world breaking into seven pieces.

For a long while, it was generally assumed that the handheld games and console titles were only semi-canon to each other. This avoided the awkward question of “If the Gaias were already there, why didn’t they emerge when Eggman broke the planet in Advance 3?”

Ian shoved them blatantly into the same continuity, and gave no attempt to explain what was different about the Advance 3 world-break compared to the Gaia incident, which served as the backbone to the reboot’s three year long Shattered World Arc. Why didn't the Gaias wake up during Advance 3? Because that's now a question we have to ask of the comics' world.

When Gemerl finally showed up doing something other than yard work for Vanilla (Despite allegedly being Cream’s friend, Cream spends all her time with the rest of the cast, and Gemerl is basically Vanilla’s maid), it was to get effortlessly dispatched by a brainwashed Mega Man with a terrible name in the extremely lacklustre Worlds Unite event.

This one was more than a little bit of a slap in the face, considering that Emerl and Mega Man are very similar in concept- robots that can copy the abilities of other characters- but Emerl is demonstrably more powerful. Now, if Ian had established that Gemerl had been nerfed when he was rebuilt, either by Eggman or by Tails, that would be fine. But he didn’t. In fact, Gemerl is given the title bubble “Super Gizoid”, implying that he’s stronger than a regular Gizoid.

Worlds Unite is generally pretty bad for having its corrupted heroes easily curbstomp every other character around, to the point that the only thing that can stop them is each other, but in Gemerl’s case it really serves no purpose.

This is the only thing that he actually does in Worlds Unite. He shows up to get beaten up and make Mega Man look stronger. That’s it.

This is something that TV Tropes refers to as “The Worf Effect”, a trope wherein an established powerful character is defeated easily by a new character, in order to demonstrate the latter’s power. Now, there’s nothing wrong with using this trope, but please note that I said establishedpowerful character, which Gemerl wasn’t.

At the point that this comic released, Gemerl’s last appearance in any Sonic media was over ten years prior. None of the comic’s intended target audience would remember him, and they wouldn’t know why defeating him was impressive. And this was, in addition, a terrible way to introduce him to new fans. Though the worst part is easily that this was unnecessary. Mega Man had already defeated everyone else, and had established his power pretty well just on them, and he was about to get removed from play permanently in the next issue. There was really no reason to throw Gemerl under the bus for this.

He made one more appearance in the event, getting controlled by the Zeti along with every other robot, and after that he got bopped on the head and just flew away.

Later, he’d make another appearance in the Panic in the Sky arc, and while his portrayal was far from the worst thing about Panic in the Sky, it only adds to the issues caused by the previous showing.

Gemerl makes one appearance, and promptly gets pinned down by the Witchcarters and Team Hooligan. Bear in that one of those groups are the joke villains who nobody takes seriously, and the other are a gang that was defeated by Tails before he met Sonic.

Archie Gemerl was a character who only existed to lose to villains in a vain attempt to make them look better, and that’s legitimately all Ian ever did with him, which makes me wonder whether he disliked the character. And it didn’t even make the villains look good, when you think about it. For anybody that was actually the intended audience for this book, Gemerl had no significance. He was just a robot that got beat up all the time. But for anyone like me, who does remember the games he appeared in, it stands out, not as good writing, but as a blatant narrative device and misused trope.

In this situation, I would simply rather Gemerl never appeared in Archie. At all. If Ian wasn’t going to give him time to shine, or at the very least be an adequate member of the supporting cast, he shouldn’t have used him at all.

Part 8: A Fresh False Start, or: “Wait, how did this get worse?!”

And now we arrive at IDW.

The one nice thing I can say about Archie Gemerl is that at least his personality was mostly on point. He read like a generally accurate take on the character that Emerl was at the end of Battle, which is what he’s supposed to be.

The same cannot be said for IDW.

In the pages of IDW, Gemerl acts like the most generic robot. He speaks in emotionless, stilted sentences with little in the way of actual grammar, leaving him to read like a poor man’s Soundwave, or Soundwave in one of those comics where the writer can’t decide whether they want him to speak normally or adopt his speech pattern from the G1 cartoon, so they just sort of do both.

Emerl pretty much never talked like this, as far as I can recall. His speech development is much more reminiscent of a child learning words, and the only time when he did adopt a more robotic speech pattern, it was a clue that he was slipping back into his destructive programming. He only spoke like a generic robot when he was in mindless destroyer mode.

He gets thrown for a loop by a simple logic flaw, unable to reconcile “Protect Cream and Vanilla” with “Don’t kill the zombots”, and has to be talked out of killing everything around him, when the entire point of Gerald’s modifications to the Gizoid was to make him a bringer of hope rather than destruction, and give him a compassionate heart.

The part of Battle’s story where Cream imparts a pacifistic mindset doesn’t frame her as being right. In that part of the game, they are cornered and under attack by hostile but ultimately mindless drones, and when she convinces Emerl to stop fighting, he almost dies. It’s Cream that learns the lesson there, that sometimes fighting is okay.

This character is already compassionate, he shouldn’t need to be talked into not killing the zombots by a small child, nor should he need her to point out that they’re innocent people who have been made this way by Eggman, because he was made into a killing machine by Eggman twice, and the first time he did die because of it. The character that lay dying in Sonic’s arms, scared and bidding his last goodbyes to his loved ones shouldn’t be the one experiencing this struggle when Omega is also in this arc.

That’s it, really. He’s not Gemerl. He’s a second, less goofy Omega. And it boggles my mind that, despite getting Gemerl’s character, if not his combat abilities, down almost perfectly in Archie, Ian is now subjecting us to this travesty.  

Like with the Archie example above, therein lies the crux of why the steady decline of Emerl/Gemerl that began with Sonic X is pushing me away from IDW: I don’t want to read Ian’s take on this character, because, to me, No Gemerl is better than Badly-Written Gemerl,

This isn’t the first time I’ve said this, either.  Way back in 2016, when I complained about Ian’s portrayal of Gemerl in Panic in the Sky, I said that the way he handled characters that I liked tended to make them the least likeable parts of the stories he wrote. As well as stating my dislike for his handling of Gemerl, I also stated that I used to really like Fiona Fox, moreso in concept than in execution, but under Ian’s pen she was largely an insufferable antagonist, little more than a trophy to make his pet recolour look better, and almost every story she was in only added to the “List of reasons she needs to stop lying to herself and just start the redemption arc already”. Additionally, I said that I didn’t want to see him bring back Neo Metal Sonic or Mephiles in any context, and we got the former, and it was exactly as bad as I thought it would be.

So, that’s basically why I don’t want to read IDW. That’s why, even if the aspect that was a big sticking point for me back when the comic launched was to be undone soon, I still probably wouldn’t pick it up. Because I don’t want to see my favourite Sonic character continue to be written badly by a guy that should know better, and has done better in the past.

If he were simply screwing up Gemerl’s personality the first time he wrote him, I would file it away under the same category as “Emel”, but the fact that he’s done better before, in a book where he had greater restrictions on what he could do with the characters, really settles this as an interest-killer for me.

Well done, Mr. Flynn. I legitimately didn’t think you could make me actually miss SEGA’s tighter control, but you somehow managed it. I would be impressed if it weren’t so sad.

[roman-lynn-blog]

Reconnection || Romper

Where: Pop’s Diner When: December 18, late night Warnings: Brief mentions of drugs Word Count: 3,573

Roman in bold, Harper in italics

Harper hadn't been expecting to get a text from Roman any time soon, so when her phone had pinged and his name had popped up, she'd been beyond surprised. But he was still concerned about her, even after everything, and that warmed something in her and she found herself eager to see him. When Hunter finally returned home, armed with milkshakes, she carefully tapped out of Sebastian duty, and left her friend in her brother's more than capable hands.

She was too wired to walk to Pop's, choosing to drive there after shooting Roman a quick text to let him know that she was on her way.  When she pulled up to the diner, she parked her car in an empty spot and walked inside, finding a booth in a far corner and sliding into it. 

Once she was sitting and waiting, she realized how unusually rumpled she looked. The events of the past day or so had caught up to her. Her makeup had mostly flaked off, her hair was up in a messy knot instead of tidy like it normally was, and she was still wearing the clothes she'd been wearing at the hospital, still dirty from their trek through the forest to the paramedics. She cursed herself internally for not bothering to change, but before she could think anything else, the door to the diner was jingling open.

After a week or two of brooding, doing his best to push his unrelenting feelings toward Harper into a box labeled 'Don't be an idiot', Roman broke down and texted the object of his affection. It had taken a small army, a few threats, and one realization for him to muster up the courage to contact her. One thing that Darius had said stuck out in his mind; he couldn't keep pretending like Harper didn't mean anything to him. It was the furthest thing from the truth, despite only having gotten to know her for a little less than a month. 

He was doing all he could to keep his expectations low and to keep from seeming desperate. He chose to keep it cool, playing it casual and close to his chest. When Harper had asked to see him though, he felt his heart skip a beat. She wanted to see him. He clearly hadn't fucked things completely up past the point of repair. 

Once he received the text from Harper, letting him know she was on his way to Pop's, Roman could feel himself start to sweat.  He changed his shirt and put on extra deodorant as he gave a grueling pep talk in the mirror. He threw on his jacket and rushed out the door, almost tripping over his own shoes as he went to start his bike. The ride was only a few short minutes and before he could let himself breathe, he was walking into the diner, the bell jingling above his head. 

His eyes searched the building for Harper and he quickly spotted her sitting in a booth, looking as gorgeous as ever despite her unkempt appearance. The left side of his lips turned up into a smile and he coyly looked away. He nodded to Pop, a genuine sign of understanding that he wasn't there to cause trouble. As he strode over to the booth, Roman felt his confidence waver. He slid into the booth, opposite of Harper and looked up at her from under his eyelashes. 

"Hi"

Harper looked up, and then looked back down at her hands as she spotted Roman entering the diner, feeling nervous all of a sudden. She reached up to tuck a loose lock of hair behind her ear, and then glance back up as he slid into the booth across from her. His smile was infectious, and she found the corners of her own mouth pulling up too. "Hey," she replied quietly.

She hadn't realized how much she'd missed him until she was seeing him for the first time in days, and after the weight of everything that had happened, she found herself wanting to move to his side of the booth so that she could curl up against his side.

But she knew they probably needed to talk before she could do anything like that, so she put on her brave face and looked back up to meet his eyes. "How are you?"

Roman hated the immediate awkwardness that he felt as he sat down. The air surrounding their booth was stilted and stale and he couldn't help but fidget with the page of his menu as he took a glance at Harper. He could only imagine after the past week's events that she was exhausted, mentally and physically, especially being so close to the amalgam of drama.

He was much more concerned with how Harper was doing. He wanted to reach across the booth and take Harper's hand or better yet slide into the booth next to her and wrap his arms around her middle. His stomach turned, unsure as to where to even start given the question he was given. "I'm doing alright, given all the circumstances..", he started, his voice shaky. "I've got a lot on my plate right now, but trying to sift past all the bullshit. How--".

He was interrupted by the chipper tone of a waitress asking if they were ready to order. Normally, he would have shot the girl a glare, but he didn't have it in him. He quickly ordered a vanilla milkshake and a basket of fries, not really up to filling his stomach when it was balled up in knots. "..and whatever the lady wants. On me."

Harper nodded as Roman spoke. She could certainly relate to the sentiment. It had been a long few days. If it was rough for her, she supposed it was probably even worse for the Serpents, with some of them struggling with being homeless on top of everything else. 

Before she could say anything, a chirpy Pop's server had bound up to their table. "Just a strawberry shake for me." She replied softly, shooting Roman a smile when he offered to pay for her. It was nice of him to do, even if it probably made more sense for her to be paying for whatever they ordered. 

Once the waitress had scurried off, she turned back to Roman. "How are things going with the Serpents? You must have a lot on your plate, huh?" She rested her chin on her hands as she spoke, trying to look less exhausted than she felt as they spoke. Ugh, she just wanted to curl up in bed next to him and take a long nap, if she were being honest with herself.

Roman couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief once their waitress had left with their order. He was sure that every single person in the diner had been judging them, an affluent North Sider and a Serpent sharing a meal together late at night. It was just more kindling to the fire that was the rumor mill; things had gotten to be too much lately with the addition of some blog throwing shade every which way. 

“The Serpents themselves are doing okay, there’s a few people we need to keep an eye on.” He thought about Julian, the kid who stumbled over the flash drive showcasing Sebrina Smythe’s death, and Geico, the seedy bastard who was shown on said flash drive, helping with the body. They were the only two that Serpent leadership was watching at the moment. It was more of a general South Side problem. “It’s hard with half of the community being homeless, living in basements or tents. I can’t help but feel somewhat responsible” 

The waitress made her way back to their table, setting the milkshakes in front of them and the basket of fries in the middle. Roman politely thanked her, hoping she’d finally get the point and let them talk uninterrupted. He took a sip of his milkshake, before asking Harper the same. 

“How’s things for you?” 

Harper nodded as Roman explained the problems that were plaguing his community at the moment. It was hard to imagine so many people being out of homes with the cold weather bearing down on them, especially during the holidays. "You didn't burn the park down...there's no reason for you to blame yourself," she murmured softly. 

She paused for a second, unsure, but then fought through her own insecurity to reach across the table. She took his hand and gave it a quick, hopefully-reassuring squeeze. "It'll get better soon, I can only hope." 

The waitress interrupted them before she could say anything else, and she pulled he hand back as their drinks and the fries were placed on the table. "Thank you," she murmured, shooting the girl a tiny smile, before she turned back to Roman. 

She idly played with the edge of the milkshake glass as she wondered how to answer his question, feeling tired all over again. "I mean...I haven't taken a swim in the river lately, so I'm doing better than a lot of people." 

She shook her head. "It's all just felt like a whirlwind. I'm....pretty tired," she admitted. She was also craving a hit, but she didn't want to share that part with him.

Roman looked off to the side as he felt Harper's hand in his own for a brief second. He wouldn't allow himself to look at her, knowing that if he even stole one glance that he would fall for her more than he already had. Her hand was warm, just like the tone of her voice, but she didn't understand. There was a trickle effect starting from the incident at Crystal Lake to where things were now. The South Side would be in a much better position had he not let his feelings get in the way. 

"Yeah, Dare's--", Roman took a moment to breathe, slightly rolling his eyes. "Dare is doing everything in his power to restore Sunnyside as quickly and efficiently as possible. It's tough though..for all of us." 

Roman shoveled a few fries into his mouth, not realizing how hungry he actually was, as he gauged Harper's demeanor.  He noticed that she was moreso playing with the milkshake glass than actually drinking it and he cocked his head as he listened. 

For a moment, his heart sank with guilt as Harper quipped about not having taken a swim in the river. The only people who had done that as of late was himself, Darius, Sebastian, and poor Sebrina. He nervously moved his hand to the back of his neck and rubbed at his nape, biting his lower lip as his heart ached. He was an awful friend. 

"I can only imagine that it's been just as crazy for you.  No offense but you look....beat". Roman swirled one of his fries into the ketchup on his plate, not wanting to meet Harper's eyes.  "I should apologize though...for being the biggest asshole on the planet."

"You guys are doing  a really good job though. It can't be easy taking on leadership and then having to deal with all of this while you're trying to stabilize things from that standpoint too," she said, trying to reassure him. She couldn't imagine having the pressure of being responsible for so many people on her shoulders. "You'll get into the swing of things soon. Hopefully the drama can start to die down now that we know who really killed Bri and that information goes public." 

She smiled a little as she watched him eat, trying to figure out what she was feeling herself. She wanted to be upset, the whole situation with Dare had been insane. But she really had missed his presence, and that made everything else sort of fall to the wayside. 

"I feel beat," she admitted. "I'm exhausted but I can't sleep because I feel like I'm so responsible for everyone else. How can I rest when Charlie needs me, when Sebastian needs me, when Hunter needs me. Hell, even my fellow dancers need me. I can't just drop everything. It's selfish." 

She shook her head, leaning forward a smidge to take his hand again. "I'm not going to pretend that whole thing with Darius wasn't insane. Because it kind of was," she trailed off, for a moment. "But at this point I'm too tired to be angry about it anymore. I should be apologizing too. I made some pretty cruel accusations when I thought....when I thought Bruce was the one that killed Bri."

Roman took in a heavy breath, the weight of the situation making him feel like his chest was being crushed. There was so much going on in there little town where there usually, at the very least, a false sense of normalcy. It was going to take a miracle for the South Side to get back to half of what it was before the fire. “I don’t know...”, he admitted, “I feel like we might not get back to normal. Riverdale—like, the town, I mean.”, he stumbled nervously. 

He had been self-medicating a lot lately, weed and alcohol; none of the hard stuff. He felt like his whole world had turned upside down and he couldn’t find anything to anchor himself with. Not the Serpents. Not sex. Not Harper. Everything had changed. 

Looking down at his hands that were fidgeting in his lap, Roman nodded silently as he listened to Harper’s admissions. His heart broke for her as it sounded as if she felt like she was letting everyone down. He knew what that was like, he just wouldn’t take his own advice. “You can’t do that to yourself though. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to be what everyone else needs instead of being what you need.” 

Letting himself look up, catching Harper’s gaze in his own, Roman felt his heart twinge. And then she grabbed his hand, and Roman felt like he could breathe again. His thumb brushed over hers, “I...get really jealous”, he confessed, biting his lip. “I have no right .” He brushed the moment off with a shrug, feeling awkward for just a moment. 

“Yeah, I—I don’t know. I hate that you felt that way. Like, I could hurt you.”

Harper ran her free hand through her hair. "I hate that I feel like you're right. Like...things aren't ever going to be like how they were before." The thought scared her. Riverdale had always been so idyllic before all this...the only good part of all the changes was finding out that South Siders weren't as bad as she'd been led to believe. The rest...all nightmare worthy. 

"I don't know what I need," she muttered, pausing to take an actual sip of her milkshake. "At least when I'm pouring all this energy into other people, I feel like I'm not completely useless. I can't fix any of this. but I can help the people I care about."

If she was being fully honest, Harper felt like she was drowning. The heroin was like a life preserver, keeping her head above the water...but Harper didn't know how long even that would keep her floating. She was too tense, too strung out, her mood was all over the place. She could hardly recognize herself. But she needed to keep going. Her friends needed her. Once things had calmed down, she'd ween herself off everything and it'd be fine. 

At Roman's confession, she smiled a little, glancing back down at their joined hands, her face going red. "You didn't....but even if you did, you could've just asked. I would've told you the truth." She looked back up at him, biting her lip. "I don't want to come between you and him." 

She squeezed his fingers, feeling a little ashamed of what she'd said. She'd been in panic mode, her mind whirling faster than she could understand. But she shouldn't have impulse texted. It was stupid. "I don't. I don't think you could hurt me. It was stupid of me to say that....I was just freaked out and scared and confused. But I know you wouldn't. I should've told you that then." 

Still with her hand in his, Roman felt a sense of calm. Riverdale had descended into chaos with Mr. Smythe still not having been arrested, a rapist on the loose, no rhyme or reason given for Sebrina’s death, and no justice given for the Southsiders who lost their homes. But for two seconds, in that moment, Roman felt like he was where he needed to be.

Squeezing her hand, Roman pulled his lips into a half smile, “I just wouldn’t want to see you fizzle and get burnt out.” Roman sighed, he understood that he couldn’t have his hand in every pot. It was stressful to want to be there for someone or something, only to leave something else to the wayside. 

“I—I’m sorry. My mind just conjures up the worst possible scenario and I just go with it, no questions asked. It was stupid...so fucking stupid. “ Roman clenched his jaw, still not over the guilt. “He isn’t—“, he paused, “You won’t.” 

Roman’s breath hitched, as Harper continued her apology. His stomach turned as he remembered his most recent conversation with Darius as well as the last thing he had said to Harper. His life was already complicated and messy, he didn’t want to fuck hers up along with it. “I could..”, he said, as he voiced one of the things that most frightened him about pursuing a relationship with Harper. 

Harper stole a french fry from the plate with her free hand, shooting him a playful smile as she popped it into her mouth. "I'll do my best. I'm a girl of many talents," she joked. "We'll soon find out if juggling is one of them." 

She squeezed his fingers again. Part of her kind of loved that he was willing to go that far for her. It was kind of thrilling, and it made her feel wanted, and in a scenario where he actually had a reason to be staking his claim, she'd kind of have loved it. How could she be angry at him for long? Darius was doing a lot better, all in all, it could've been a lot worse. "It was...but...it's kind of sweet in a fucked up sort of way. Like...I was mad but...if Dare's over it, there's no reason for me not to be. Just...use your words next time." 

Harper turned his hand over in hers, absently drawing a pattern into his palm. He was right. He could hurt her. But Harper had already been hurt so many times. Wasn't this worth the risk of being hurt again? "I trust you enough to know that if you did...it wouldn't be on purpose. And that's what matters to me. Intentions. And I know in my heart that your intentions are good."

Harper had no idea how difficult it was for him to put into words what he was feeling. When it came to her, his body moved three steps faster than his brain.  In terms of the incident, his body was already hauling Darius’ ass into the river while his brain was trying to rationalize his feelings. He wouldn’t let that happen again, at least not when it came to Darius. He could trust him, especially when he had been entrusted with such an enormous secret.

Roman sucked down a third of his milkshake, playing with the rim of the glass as Harper spoke. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, but things happen, and there was no guarantee about anything anymore. “Promise.”, he said reassuringly, nodding his head. 

“You want to head out? I’m sure you could use the sleep since you’re back on stage.” Harper took another sip of her milkshake, before smiling at his words. She trusted Roman, implicitly. She was certain, in her heart and soul, that he would never go out of her way to hurt or harm her. That belief was enough for her to want to push all her other doubts aside.  She  squeezed his fingers and nodded. "Yeah. I'm pretty beat. I'm glad you came though."  She finished off her milkshake before getting to her feet. 

"I missed you," she admitted. She was feeling needier than she was used to, but she swallowed her pride to make her request.  "Stay with me tonight?"

Roman finished off the last few fries on their shared plate and sucked down the last of his milkshake. He squeezed her hand once and finally let go, solely so he could pull out his wallet from his back pocket. He pulled out a twenty and nodded to the onlooking waitress, garnering her attention. “Keep the change”, he told her with a smile, his eyes need leaving Harper’s. 

Once the waitress had thanked them and left their table, Roman stood up, extending his hand towards Harper. “I missed you too, gorgeous.” Grasping her hand and interlacing their fingers, he smiled. “I can do that”

Harper  smiled, warmth blooming in her once Roman took her hand. She was glad that they were okay. She'd been really worried about it for a few days there, and she hadn't realized how intertwined their lives had become. She had hated not speaking to him. "Take me home, Rome," she breathed out, before leaning in to finally press their lips together.