#even tho i got covid months ago at this point

[crimeronan]

WHEW okay. ROUGH fucking start to the morning but things are gonna be okay now. putting under a cut for people who don't care abt my endless unrelenting medical drama but for those who do. Come On This Fucking Journey With Me.

so, necessary background.

i have been having intermittent medical emergencies since february and my doctor has been trying since march to get me a specialist rheumatology appointment. the rheumatology clinic keeps ignoring the referral and/or saying that they need more paperwork and documentation for it.

my doctor has at this point provided them with

her physical observations of my visibly abnormal symptoms

all of the many many many many Many medications i've been prescribed and their effects on said symptoms

multiple different types of positive ANA showing i have uncontrolled progressive autoimmune disease

all my negative antibody tests (have yet to test positive for any one specific antibody)

my doctor - who is excellent - has also followed up with them repeatedly to try to get me scheduled. because i am dying. like i try not to be super dramatic here bc i don't like worrying people and maybe i'm overblowing my symptoms but like. when you're at the point that one of your partners schedules an impromptu overnight flight to come up and monitor you for a week bc your other partner is on vacation & you're in danger of stroking and being unable to call an ambulance for yourself if someone isn't in the room to notice the signs...... i feel like at that point it's fair enough to say I Am Fucking Dying. i am dying. i've been dying for months. like very slowly and inconsequentially but MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE ARE DYING AT ANY GIVEN TIME.

so two weeks ago, after even more fucking phone tag, rheumatology was like. we have all of your tests and documentation now. we'll call to schedule you in soon :) if we don't, call us in two weeks!

today is, of course, the two week mark.

i thought it was strange that they hadn't called because my current symptom progression is usually triaged as The Top Tier Of Autoimmune Medical Emergencies. and my doctor herself has gotten me in for same-day appointments whenever i develop new symptoms because i am apparently not being fucking dramatic about how fucked up i am.

but! rheumatology is overburdened by a combination of COVID-era backups and a MASSIVE influx of newly disabled people with long COVID. and they're dealing with the same understaffing and shortages as the rest of the healthcare system. so it wasn't THAT weird.

called the clinic as soon as they opened this morning. was put on hold for a few minutes, which is normal.

guy gets back on the line. informs me they actually Don't have the test results that they need to schedule me (even though they TOLD ME THEY DID two weeks ago). and that they can't help me.

at this point i got off the phone and had a hysterical crying breakdown so profound that multiple partners swooped in to make a Shitload of Very Testy phone calls to various places on my behalf. bc they love me and are wonderful i am very loved. i have been taking the whole "actively dying" thing in stride for months for the most part but apparently this morning i hit my Fucking Limit. because OH MY FUCKING GOD.

so after an hour of hysterical crying, the receptionist at my main doctor's office calls back. she has always been very kind and takes calls from me / my partners extremely seriously, because of..... you know. The Everything.

she's just as kind and sweet and apologetic as ever but also there is kinda an undercurrent of apoplectic fury. she's spent some time trying to figure out What The Fuck Is Going On. turns out that

there was one more test rheumatology needed, even tho they said they had all my documentation. ok. fine.

my doctor did in fact order this test immediately after my last appointment.

i did in fact have the bloodwork done for this test immediately after my last appointment. like within an hour.

there was NO REASON for rheumatology not to have these test results.

except.

that the phlebotomist who took my blood.

ran every fucking ordered test.

except.

the one.

i needed.

to get scheduled.

with rheumatology.

so i've been waiting two weeks for fucking Nothing. because i thought i had my referral sorted. and the rheumatology clinic did not fucking inform my doctor that actually! they were wrong! about having the documentation to schedule me in!

the receptionist called up the lab to make sure that they Can run the necessary test. confirmed that they can. then she called up the rheumatology clinic and sent over all of my current documentation all over again and told them to be on the lookout for the final test. THEN she called the lab AGAIN to say, "hey, i'm sending you this order electronically, but i'm making an extra note that you guys need to do it right this time, AND you need to treat this as highest priority n analyze the results immediately. and i'm giving you the specific test number right now to make sure you fucking write it down correctly."

and then she gave ME the test number. and said "write this down. and when you get there, ask them what the number is for your test. and make sure that it matches."

which all took up most of her morning and truly was going above and beyond, all she really Needed to do was resend the lab order n tell me to go get more blood drawn. ESPECIALLY since it's an indie office & she handles ALL of the patient scheduling and bureaucracy.

but she is mad. and also i have dying patient privilege.

i felt much better after this because tbh half of why i was so upset was because i already know i have multiple forms of irreversible damage to various body parts and i really fucking physically feel like i get closer to dying every day and i really cannot fucking deal with being triaged as a non-priority possibly-faker hysteria patient.

but this does not seem to be the case.

so. unless something ELSE manages to go wrong with all of this bureaucratic bullshit, what's going to happen is: i am going to drive to a lab 45 minutes away to get my bloodwork done today bc that's the closest place with same-day appointments. i am going to call my doctor's office and tell them that the blood test was done, bc the receptionist said to call her from the parking lot once i'm finished. my doctor is going to receive the test results and send them to rheumatology either today or tomorrow. and within two weeks (Supposedly For Fucking Real This Time), rheumatology will ACTUALLY FUCKING CALL TO SCHEDULE ME IN.

in the most ideal and luckiest world, i will in fact be triaged as an emergency case. which means things will move fast in terms of both getting a call from the scheduling team and getting scheduled in. however it's also possible that they will have patients who are in, like, multi-organ-failure shutdown crisis, who obviously need to be prioritized above me. i do have endless paper documentation and visible physical symptoms stating that i am very very very sick, so. fingers crossed but i don't want to jinx it.

this post is very long. medical bureaucracy is a nightmare. i am very very very lucky and blessed to have so many life partners who are willing to advocate for me because as you can imagine, none of this is easy to navigate when you are unbelievably fucking sick and have a brain that is progressively losing the ability to retain language or executive function or memory.

in conclusion.

being sick is so stupid.

[nocompromise-noregrets]

five good things

okay, gonna start with the main one because it's a big one:

LAST CAT STANDING IS GETTING HIS THYROID SORTED! He's had an overactive thyroid for pushing on for three years and we've been managing it with medication but it's been getting worse and although there is a treatment that will fix it outright (radioactive iodine injection) there have been such shortages that only one place has been doing it and their waiting list is over a year long, so he wouldn't be getting it this year, and he's nearly 18 so the longer he has to wait the worse he's going to get. However! Our vet called us last week and said she'd been doing a bit of research and found a couple of places much closer to us who are offering the treatment again and have much shorter waiting lists - one of them only about a month - so we said please refer him to one or other of those, and settled down to wait. Then I got a call yesterday from a very lovely vet at one of the places who talked me through it all and booked him in FOR TWO AND A HALF WEEKS' TIME. He'll have had it done by the time he turns 18 in mid-April! The really amazing thing is that this treatment has a 99.9% success rate - the vet described it both as 'the gold standard' and 'magical' and if a Sensible Veterinary Science Person is describing a treatment as 'magical'...well. I can't even begin to describe how thrilled we are. Our other three all had things that couldn't be cured (we don't even know what it was that Beanie had) so to have something that really can be cured straight off with one injection is just...it's such a relief you guys, I don't know how to tell you.

I've just had a really good two days at job number two with my gardener-lady biographer (who has turned into a really good friend and in fact bought our lovely little car off us a couple of months ago - so I got to see the little fella again which was lovely) - we did some reboxing of the stuff she's been sorting out, shuffled everything up and sorted it into a better order, and it all feels a lot more manageable now.

X-Men 97 is out!!! I haven't had chance to watch it yet but I'm SO EXCITED YOU GUYS OMG. I've seen a few stills, and it looks like my beloved Gambit is just as he was, and oh I am so pleased. <333333

The sun's been out today and we went for a wander at lunchtime, the spring flowers are all out and it was just so gloriously lovely to stand in the sun and feel warm.

Barduil Month is nearly here! (if anyone wants to prompt me please feel free - I have a couple but am always on the lookout for more!)

I am sitting in the pub with a very nice pint of Camden Hells and the laptop, one of my fellow regulars who I get on really well with is in the back room watching the rugby on his ipad and is going to come and join me when he's done, and some of my favourite bar staff are working. I am utterly knackered (I am such a lightweight, I'm not used to doing five-day weeks any more, and when I do two days in a row for job number two, to make it worth it for my friend to come up from London to work on gardener-lady's papers, I am always utterly wiped out at the end of it) but I'm chilling out and decompressing, there's a Wall of Sound playlist on the speakers (Da Doo Ron Ron currently) and everything is very lovely.

Both Isaac Howlett from Empathy Test and The Holy Ones have new singles out! Isaac's is here and is just perfect wounded-yearning-boy electropop (much like Empathy Test really) and THO's is here and is huge fun stoner-rock and Japa-the-guitar-player (who is one of my favourite people from the Finndom) hasn't changed a bit in fifteen years and I adore both him and the song. I'm hoping they'll announce some shows - they were playing in Helsinki in May 2020 and announced the show with enough notice that I was able to make arrangements to go, and I was on the point of doing so when Covid happened, the show was postponed to the September (when I still wouldn't have been able to enter Finland) and then cancelled, so I'm really really hoping they come through this time because I'm dying to see them. I also have itchy feet like you wouldn't believe and am dying for an excuse to go somewhere, and Helsinki being one of my favourite places in the whole world, well... :D :D :D

I had a fab birthday last week, and we went up to the new 'food dock' in town (one end of the docks has been converted into lots of bars, cafes and restaurants and it has been a very protracted process but it's finally finally all open) and had awesome burgers, locally-produced ice cream and locally-produced beer and looked at the pretty lights on the water and generally had a lovely evening of it.

Aaaaaand I have a fancy record player that works with our fancy wifi sound system, and Placebo's last two albums on vinyl, courtesy of the missus, and it's fancy enough that it doesn't auto-return at the end of a side so for the first time in about forty years I heard the track in the runout groove of side two of Sgt. Pepper which I hadn't heard since my dad got a tower stereo system in the 80s that had an auto-return and didn't play the runout groove and...yeah. Awesome. I sorted all my vinyl back into order (the missus does not do alphabetical order, and she'd had it all out of the cupboard at some point to do something or other behind the cupboard and then had not put it back in the right order), rediscovered a good few things, listened to a bunch of stuff and generally nerded out quite happily for a good few days XD

I had 96% on my most recent OU assignment XD all that's left to do is an essay plan for the final assignment, and then the final assignment itself, and given that I find planning really difficult, I'm probably going to write the final assignment and then summarise it for the plan, hand that in, then hand the final assignment in once I've had the feedback from the plan XDDDD And then I will be done, and I will be the king's favourite band (the Three Degrees) XDDDDDD

I think that's more than enough, don't you? :D Things are pretty all right at the moment, which is rather nice.

[jay-lea]

actually fuck it i need to list my old coworkers because it’s insane there were so insane ones

coworker who called out almost every monday from hangovers or went home early while still drunk from the night before bc she was going clubbing during the height of the pandemic for her entire weekends. She actually started her first week during the height of infections by taking off her mask so she could use her phone while telling me about the huge halloween parties she’d done the night before even tho a few of her friends had been exposed to covid. Talked a lot about massaging her lymph node so she could be healthy and begged people not to get vaccinated when our work offered us the vax early for frontline work. Repeatedly told people she had gotten heart conditions from the J&J shot but only after she had just chugged large coffees. wouldn’t wear gloves while touching carcinogens and later we found out she had done all her tests wrong for a solid year too

coworker who had failed out of gen chem 2 times and was failing it a third time when she got hired despite the 4 YEAR SCIENCE DEGREE REQUIREMENT. She poured acid down the sinks and had no idea how a ton of lab stuff worked but everyone said she was nice enough that I shouldn’t be so hard on someone who was still learning. I prev got scrutinized for my degree not being a real science before there. She also liked to come up w rumors about coworkers like that they failed their drug test or were alcoholics and would ask people to take Mormon trivia quizzes w her so they could join her faith. The first time we talked I asked her a generic question about whether she lived w family or pets and she immediately told me graphically about how she killed two turtles by starvation and stopped going to work and school a few months ago bc she didn’t feel like it and not to be shocked, I shouldn’t discriminate about her mental health. She called out a lot, took hours for lunch, and regularly came in an hour late and left hours early while whining that I didn’t stop her from going home so now she would be broke. 

Coworker who immediately told me I was doing stuff wrong the first day she started despite me being there 2 yrs and her being there 1 hour. Routinely tried to quiz people on element names, science, and math to prove she was the smartest person in the room. Called me homophobic for going to pride bc despite the rainbow and trans flags on my locker she couldn’t tell I was gay, then made a joke about me being a top. Took three two-week vacations and then a two week sick leave so she barely existed, then did zero work when she was there but every time I did the actual work of emailing people or writing new lab stuff, she would get mad and rewrite it and personally message our manager asking if I was actually right bc she didn’t think i was right. Got to the point where I was getting migraines every monday and panic attacks on sundays bc she was so goddamn mean to me every week while thinking we were friends bc friends can roast each other. She would talk over me at every meeting and my stutter got so bad I would lose the ability to talk or start forgetting basic words (which she loved bc then she sounded smarter than me). 

the manager who made me publically out myself on department wide meeting awkwardly bc I asked for people to stop making homophobic and transphobic jokes about me. He gave almost every person weeks off or let them get away w leaving early and doing no work bc he said I would handle it and ig is doing the same thing to my replacement rn too

Honorable mentions:

the guy who talked about how he always open carries and implied he was at the moment

the manager that would laugh at me when I did intros w new ppl bc he thought my hobbies were weird and ig was not afraid to let me know it each time

the supervisor obsessed w elon musk who tried to work 80 weeks bc he genuinely believed billionares work 100+ hr weeks and was so tired he made zero sense and didn’t remember how to do anything

the coworker i replaced who would tell two areas she was busy with the other area but then go to a meeting room and nap for the day. she now does mlms full time. 

[tomdayaconfessions]

I agree with the other anon theory (it was from 4 days ago sorry I'm late lol)

Unlike some other people, I dont think he gave her an ultimatum like "we go semi public or we're done". I don't see him do that because he was on board at the beginning, and they were about to release a second Hit movie and be even more exposed, why would he enjoy that since it's pretty pretty clear he hates seeing people in his business ? It doesn't add up to me. I think they just got to a point where they barely saw each other, Z was very very involved in Euphoria since it was her first big and real role. Maybe neither of them were making any effort to fix things and they felt like it wasn't working out at the very moment so they called for a break ? Personally, I think Tom initiated it, Z was like whatever okay we're on a break but didn't think it was definitive. Her reaction after the july pics (her whole crew was at her place for a full week, she didn't step a foot outside) tells me she didn't expect him to move on because in her head they weren't done done. But it clearly changed everything and we all know what happened afterwards.

I also think they were still in contact (maybe not texting every two business days, but they weren't completely ignoring each other) for the most part of their break up. Tom wanted to text her a pic of him and a fan dressed like MJ at a comic con, she was liking his pics about cherry filming etc. It's just starting Feb to maybe August that they weren't talking. They weren't completely hating each others guts tho.

Other unpopular opinion : I don't believe he wrote a song and serenaded her in 2019 for her bday. She was with Jacob at the time, I know we joke about him being a simp but that would be too much, even for him. Maybe the story about the song is true, but it was another year and the girl got it wrong (also it's not because it was coming from a verified account that it's accurate, we know how people just love to make shit up or informations tend to get twisted if it's the 373736 person telling the story)

(In my head it went like the Ross/Rachel ‘we were on a break’ 😅. Jokes aside, no one knows definitively what went down, but it does seem like things where amicable until the JE pap pics. Everything we’ve seen in 2.0 just shows how much they value their privacy so I do find the argument that it was down to hiding a bit difficult to get my head around. Sometimes you need space to figure out what you want/who you are etc etc particularly when you’re so young in such a mature oriented relationship (the LDR). On the song, I may be wrong but I thought he had it commissioned for her birthday but they’d already split so maybe he never ‘gave’ it to her as that person just said their friend had helped write a song with Tom and it kinda just sat in the metaphorical cupboard. Who knows, maybe he’s played it for her since 🤷‍♀️ Tom was deffo flexing those guitar skills for the world to see during their three month covid separation)

[mayakern]

Would you ever be open to doing skirt pattern commissions? Like, I love your art, and I'd love to stick my own neck out for stuff you wouldnt sell? Or even just, we commission you for skirts that you sell yourself? I'd love to back some of that risk up with money, is basically what I'm saying

i don’t take design commissions, as i really don’t like to be limited in that way. when someone commissions a piece, they expect a particular design/subject matter to definitely see fruition, but i actually abandon the vast majority of my skirt design ideas. like for ever 1 design i complete, there were probably 3-10 other designs i left to either complete later… or never.

also in general, debuting new designs (while still anxiety inducing) isn’t something i worry too hard about in terms of risk factor. it sucks to have something like the milk skirt, where it stopped selling so we retired it, and then i kept getting ppl for YEARS begging for its return, and then i did bring it back… and it’s still in stock after a couple weeks when everything else sold out in 1-2 days. but for the most part this isn’t an issue for us. the milk skirt is just cursed, i guess. it’s literally the only design that hasn’t sold out within a week in the past 2.5 years.

the only exception i’d consider to this would be commissions for a new color variant of an already existing design.

but honestly, this sort of risk/uncertainty is why preorders exist. the manufacturing orders we place for preorders are 2-3x more product (and therefor 2-3x more expensive) than our RTS orders. we could definitely make more RTS sales if we placed bigger orders, but the manufacturing fee would be so high it would be difficult to afford it without preorders (and it takes roughly 3-4 months for skirts to be made and shipped to us, so that’s 3-4 months of not seeing the return on the manu cost)

[stormblessed95]

just my 2cts no one asked on the "Jikook are hella glowing those last months" (they really are!) : i think it’s a combination of BTS success rn (the last year really made them blow up even more worldwide, they’re for sure the biggest band on the planet atm) + the pride of being part of the presidential envoy + them being more relaxed cause even tho the whole COVID situation was shorty it was also the opportunity for them to rest and reflex on themselves and then feeling more at peace with themselves + the LA concert coming and most probably imo a tour coming in 2022 with a new album + possibly them not having to face a normal military service as well AND last but not least a whooole lot of time spend together hence their domesticity and imo the fact they most probably have moved in a new apartment (the one Jimin bought) that they might really like and feel like it’s "their home" for good. I also think more and more fans are noticing them and being supportive, i feel like they are more and more jikookers and they feel the love and support from us. Anyway it’s just me speculating lmao in the end who knows maybe they got engaged and adopted a doggo haha but they do seem really happy and that makes me so so happy for them 🥺💜

Anon 2: How would you perceive post September in jikook's timeline. Their mentality, their relationship, them sharing some of their moments with the world. What do you see this leading to.

Opinions from first anon. I give my 2 cents over things all the time that no one asks for. Okay, well I guess some of you ask for it which is where the asks come from. But the point stands. Thank you for sharing. I agree, there are a million reasons that could explain this happy glowing blushing jikook in the last half of this year. We won't be able to narrow down those reasons or form a really good opinion on it until we get more content though of behind the scenes from actually this year.

For my second anon, the photo is for you! A collection of September's jikook moments. Lol it's important to remember that like half of them are from 2020 tthough, not actually this year, and some from earlier in 2021. And again, for my personal 2 cents. It could be anything like what the first anon said. It could be something impactful in their own relationship. It could be that they have just decided to simply just be... these big giant moments from 2020 that were shared this year, that never would have been shared 2 years ago in 2019. They would have been cut. And it's not like these big moments that are new to jikook, they are just new to us seeing them explicitly and in detail. They gave way too many hints to make us think that was their first hickey, and it's definitely not the first time they've gotten that close, we all know they are making it fairly obvious they kiss at home. Lol it's just now... in content. And the content has been getting steadily more just... not being cut as the years goes on. I think they are just being freer now.

They aren't going to "confirm" anything and they aren't going to act explicit. They will still live life as bandmates and best friends, but they aren't trying to censor themselves as much lately. They aren't stopping themselves from reaching out for touches as much. Jimin is honestly the king of controlling his facial expressions and lately, he has just been letting all his heart eyes come out to play for JK. He isn't hiding his emotions as much anymore. So while they will still be professionals on sets and while rehearsing and on stage, etc. I think they aren't going to hold back as much when it comes to letting us see them. It's becoming more and more clear. Either it's that they just don't care anymore. Or it's some news they've gotten that makes them feel more comfortable. It's that while yes, the hate has increased, but so has the support.

They are just all domestic and soft and loving and happy together lately. Maybe it's a combintiation of all the things. Or maybe it's something we don't know yet. But either way they are being more open with us as fans. In their own way. I really think they just... don't care anymore about hiding or protecting themselves from the hate. I think they are just going to quietly live as they do and let us see that. We shall see I guess. As more content drops. We shall see in the way memories 2021 and DVD content goes from this year. But I wouldn't be surprised if all those moments we see them hold back from fond head kisses or hold back from getting into a proper snuggle or drop hands when a camera shows up, if they just stop holding back from those moments. It wouldn't be anything more "sus" but it would just be a continuation of them being louder and louder.

If any of this makes any sense. Lmfao hopefully it does and I explained myself well. Basically it all comes down to a wait and see. Wait and see what type of content drops next. All I'm saying is there has basically been jikook being jikook and being happy, quietly happy and lovely, in every bit of content given this year. In the background or otherwise. Sooo let's just wait and see what the future brings I guess.

Thanks for the asks and opinions 💜💜

[scriptmedic]

COVID

Or, How to Abandon Pants & Save the World at the Same Time

Hey all. Seems like it’s getting tough out there. 

Seems like shit is getting really real, really fast. 

I’m here in New York, doing ICU transfers for one of the hospital systems, and I can’t lie to you... it’s bad. 

We’re storing bodies in refrigerated trailers because the morgues are full. 

The City is reopening potter’s fields and digging mass graves. 

Hundreds of people a day are dying. Soon, thousands.

Mostly older. Some previously-healthy adults. Mercifully, not many kids. 

It’s real, and it’s bad. 

But I promise you, the world is not ending. 

And I also promise you this post will end with HOPE, even if it’s hard to read. 

But I want to talk about something... a misconception I’ve been seeing over and over again. 

We are NOT the “Front Line.”

I keep hearing the term “front line responders” used for our nurses... doctors... PAs...

Bullshit.

We’re the LAST line.

We’re the failsafe. The oh-shit, I can’t-fix-this-any-other-way line. 

We’re the everything else has gone wrong line. 

.

The FIRST line of defense against COVID is YOU. 

.

You, sitting at home, wondering how the world will ever get back to normal. 

You, hoping that your job will still be there in a week, a month, a year. 

You, resisting the urge to walk the dog again because you’re bored. 

YOU are the ones who are going to make the difference in how many people live, and how many die. 

Not us. Not your health professionals. 

YOU. 

.

How You Can Stay Safe & Save the World 

.

I want to talk about something .... RISK. 

A lot of people I know are pretty risk-tolerant. We’re young, we’re healthy, and if we DO get COVID, it will likely just seem like a cough, or even like...  ...nothing. 

Here’s the problem. 

There are a LOT  of people testing positive (in countries doing mass testing, i.e. not here) who had NO IDEA they were infected. 

It’s called being an Asymptomatic Carrier. 

So even if you literally do not care if you get COVID...

Even if you feel completely fine...

ACT LIKE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY.  Act like ANYONE you come into contact with could die if your breath touches their skin, their mouth, their nose. 

Act like everyone you meet is your granny, or your mom, who’s sick. Someone you love. 

.

It’s not about YOUR health, it’s about EVERYONE’S health. 

.

I’ve put together a few guidelines to help you stay safe AND save the world. 

I’m about 6 feet tall... ...so remember to keep a distance of 1 (one) Scripty apart from each other. NO EXCEPTIONS (unless you’re fluid-bonded with someone). 

Wear a mask in public, even if you have to make it yourself.  No, this does not mean you can violate social distancing!  REMEMBER -- KEEP ONE SCRIPTY APART, MINIMUM!  Yes, I know masks are direly hard to come by. Yes, I know they’re uncomfortable. Yes, I know they make it hard to breathe. I am literally wearing TWO OF THEM at the same time, between 40-60 hours per week.  WEAR ONE ANYWAY.  Not on your chin... Not hanging off of one ear... Over your nose AND your mouth. .

If you can’t find a mask, DO NOT cough out of your facehole. The correct direction to cough is due elbow.  Then make sure you SCRUB dat bendy boi.   .

Scrub dem grippy bois Hand wash for 20 seconds. Make sure you’re getting between your fingers, under your nails, and around your wrists. Sing Happy Birthday to yourself.  Just like the Mars Rover did.  . 

STAY. THE FUCK. HOME.  I know you miss normal life. Time with your friends. Visiting your family.  I miss it too. I would LOVE to spend time in a park, to go hiking again, to go back to my GYM, to just... live my freaking life.  There are SO many people I’m craving hugs from.  But here’s the truth.  THE MORE YOU STAY HOME NOW, THE SOONER THINGS CAN GET BACK TO NORMAL.  I CANNOT stress this enough. Staying home is saving lives. Period. Full stop.  I don’t know the last time I saved a life with no pants on, but you can. Right now.  TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND STAY HOME AND YOU WILL SAVE LIVES I PROMISE.  (it’s okay to save lives with pants on tho. your roof, your rules.) 

.

I promised you this post would end with HOPE. 

.

Here’s the thing... 

Yes, a lot of people are going to die.

Yes, a LOT of people are going to be out of a job in the short term. 

Yes, this really is THAT BAD.  .

AND. 

.

Everything in Nature has a niche. Something it’s better at than anything else.

Dogs? Dogs are the best on the planet at loving people. (That’s the #1 reason we bred them from wolves -- because they loved us.) 

But humans do ONE THING way, WAY above and beyond ANY of our competition. 

WE ADAPT. 

We are the adaptivist motherfucking species on Planet Earth. 

We live in more environments than any other warm-blooded species I know of. 

We got cold... so we figured out how to make fire. 

We got hot... so we learned to harvest ice, and then to MAKE ice, and then to make air conditioners. 

Our food was going bad... so we made iceboxes, and then refrigerators, and then takeout (because we got too lazy to cook). 

The point is, we ADAPT. 

We adapted to the influenza pandemic in 1918, twenty years before we ever saw a virus under a microscope. 

We adapted to smallpox... and then fucking eradicated it. Smallpox literally no longer exists because we decided we’d had enough of it. 

We CAN and we ARE and we WILL adapt to COVID, too. 

Smart motherfuckers are making vaccines. 

Recovering patients are donating antibodies to help save lives while the smart motherfuckers get their shit in gear. 

.

And y’all are STEPPING the FUCK UP. 

.

My heart is overloaded with love and appreciation. 

For grocery store workers. Supply chain workers. Truckers. Food service workers. 

For all the people who can’t stay home. 

I nearly cried saying thank-you to a barista about an hour ago because a cup of coffee was enough to make me feel human. 

You’re busy praising us in the health care trenches, but the truth is, we owe our ability to live our lives right now to you. 

To the guy busting his ass in a restaurant for less than minimum wage. 

To the girl making round after round of deliveries even though she’s tired AF. 

To the people who are keeping us going. 

And most especially, to those who might have the hardest job of all...

...the people who are staying the fuck home. 

I love each and every one of you.

And it’s gonna be tough. It’s gonna be tough for a WHILE. (This is a marathon, not a sprint.) 

But we will get through this together. 

You... me... everyone. 

.

So, so, SO much fucking love, 

.

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

[jassackles]

I thought you never would… - Chapter 1

Chapter one

A/N: This story is about Dean and the reader who meet online and get to know each other. The reader is a gamer girl and dean is a gamer boy. The reader is a member of many gaming communities but never really was active in them. When COVID hits she gets bored bc editing isn't that fun anymore so she gets back into gaming. Enjoy reading! :)

Word Count: 1,446 words

"I thought you never would break my heart like that." you said tearing up while you looked at him.

——

1 year and 6 months earlier

You were bored and looked at the supernatural edits on your feed thinking they're so cool, but you? You literally had no motivation to edit anymore. 

Your account was going great not gonna lie but you kinda had enough of it. 

You used to play video games a lot like in 2018, the only thing you did on weekends was playing video games. You definitely were no typical girl. You always got along better with guys then with girls, you never were into drama unless you were involved.  

So you looked at your PlayStation 4 and smiled a bit, You turned the device on, looking through the communities. You were just curious and bored, so you saw some guy named Dean asking if people wanted to join him and his friend Ryan. You were shy about it at first, yeah you were an open person but you also were really closed off and careful about what you were saying. 

You commented on his post and asked if they're still looking since it's like 2 hours ago. You thought you wouldn't get any response but only like 10 minutes later you got one and got invited into the party. You didn't know why but you got nervous? You pretended like you didn't see his response for the next 15 minutes. Eventually you joined and were quiet because they talked and you didn't want to interrupt anything. "Hello?" One of them said and you shyly answered hello. "My name is Ryan." The one said "I'm y/n. Nice to meet you." You said quietly adjusting your headset. 

"Yeah I can tell that your name is y/n." Ryan said and you blushed, your gamer tag was having your name in it. "R-Right." you said. "So..." You said a moment later, "what are you guys playing?" You asked fiddling with the cable of your headset. "We're playing Rainbow (six siege), wanna join?" Ryan asked. "Yeah if the other one is okay with that." you said since you still didn't hear him say anything. "Oh sorry...I'm Dean." He said with a small laugh. You knew you just heard his voice, but it was so deep and he kinda had an accent, couldn't really figure out which one though. 

"Nice to meet you too, Dean." You said with a smile "nice to meet you too, y/n." He said, what made you smile. "For me it's totally fine if you'll join." Dean added a moment later. "Okay, but I'm not that good though." You said honestly, you always just played for fun not for success like most gamers did. You didn't care how many kills or points you got. You just played because it was fun. 

"Oh that's fine, don't worry." Ryan said and you smiled, "Okay." So they invited me to their

game and you started playing. Dean made some jokes, which were funny. Sometimes he was lost which was even funnier tho. Dean had a really deep voice which was kinda attractive. You had no idea how he looked, you couldn't imagine how both of them looked. Didn't even know where they were from.

You never were the person who had many friends, because people always were judging. You also always got along better with guys then with girls/women. They were so dramatic, always looking for something to fight or get mad about. Sooo annoying...

Anyways you kept playing for an hour or so until Ryan spoke up, "so y/n, you're single?" He asks curiously. You never had a boyfriend before and you were almost eighteen, everyone around you had a partner before, but you? You've never had sex before and for you it was so embarrassing. Even tho there was no reason to be embarrassed about it. 

"Yeah, are you?" You asked back "yeah me too, guess we're the singles then." Ryan said with a laugh. "What do you mean?" You asked confused not getting it. "Oh-" he said with a laugh "Dean is in a relationship." "Oh." You said kinda feeling disappointed about it, you didn't even understand why you were so disappointed about it. 

"Oh yeah, I've been in a relationship for a year now and we're going to take a trip to San Francisco." Dean said proudly. San Francisco wasn't far from where you lived, but they didn't have to know right? "That sounds cool." You said. 

You didn't know why, but you felt so drawn towards him. You knew him for maybe like two hours, but you already liked him. You knew, it sounded crazy, but there was just something about him you couldn't figure out yet. 

"Where are you from?" Ryan asked a few minutes later. "I'm from California, you?" You asked curiously. "We're both from Nevada." "That's nice, you guys know each other personally?" You asked curiously. "Uhm yeah we went to high school together." Ryan said. You mostly talked to Ryan, Dean probably was too focused on the game because he hardly talked or answered questions you asked both of them.  

Maybe he was just someone who didn't talk with other girls because he was in a relationship. You never understood how girls could be like that, not allowing their boyfriends to talk to other girls or have female friends. Just stupid and psychotic. 

"That's cool." You said and Ryan laughed. "You really only say that's cool." He said and you blushed slightly. "I don't know what to say else." You said with a laugh to cover up how embarrassed you were, even though there was no reason to be. You didn't know those people and just wasn't sure what to answer. 

"So you guys going to college?" You asked curiously. "Dean is but I'm not." "And why aren't you going to college?" You asked Ryan. "Just haven't found the right way for me or what I wanna study." He said. "That's okay tho." You said. "What about you tho?" Dean asked. "I'm still in Highschool." "Wait how old are you?" "I'm 17." You said "Oh, thought you were much younger." He said with a small laugh. "How old are you then?" You asked curiously "We're both 18, but I'm turning 19 in October." Dean said. "Good to know." You said, again not sure what to say else. 

"When's your birthday?" Ryan asked. "My birthday is September 4h." Yoj told them. "Mine is October 2nd." Dean said. "Mine is April 24th." Ryan said and you nodded to myself. "So your birthday was already." Yoh said. "Yes it was my 18th birthday, but couldn't really throw a party because of COVID." He said with a sigh. "Ugh that sucks." You said. "So guess Dean was the lucky one who got to celebrate his 18TH birthday last year." You said. "Yeah, but I didn't do much tho. My girlfriend, Ryan, two other friends and my step sister just were here." He said. 

"But sounds chilly, just to celebrate with some people." You said. "Yeah, it really was." He said. "That's nice." You said with a smile, even though they couldn't see it. 

After some time you started playing the game 'the forest' which was kinda like Minecraft. It definitely was a relaxing game tho. You didn't have to concentrate too much, had to log trees to build something, which was really cool. You liked that game a lot. 

You started playing and fought against the monsters that appeared sometimes. Dean turned on some music, mostly Juice WRLD, you loved that artist so much. You kinda started to get comfortable, already? You only talked to them for like three hours, but you thought they're really sympathetic. 

You checked the time and saw it was already 1:30am and you had to wake up early because you had theory lessons in driving school. "Guys?" You spoke up a moment later. "Yeah?" They both said. "I think I'm going offline." You said. "What why?" Dean said. "Because I have to wake up early." "I have to wake up early too." Dean said. "Yeah but I have driving school, we could play tomorrow, if you want to." "Oh come on y/n, stay for a bit longer." Ryan said. "Bro, we can play tomorrow." You said with a laugh. "Alright fine." He said. "Goodnight." You said and they said it back. 

You turned your PlayStation 4 off and went on TIKTOK for 10 to 20 minutes before actually going to sleep. You put my phone away and went to sleep.

——

Tell me what you think of the chapter! :)

Read next part here! :)

[tofindloveinpoison]

Iconic Fanfictions ive read two years ago and what I currently remember of them:

I will premise this by saying that these fanfics were famous only in certain specific niches of the internet, and that when i say that a work is badly written or i critique it in anyway it?s just my opinion from what i vaguely remember, whihch might not be correct. 

Fanfics below the cut: filthy lucre, asotm, twist and shout, the hat and lung fics, anatomy of a fall, throam, unholyverse. feelfree to add what you remember of “famous fanfics” you’ve read.

tw for mentions of: sexual assault, violence, animal abuse, pedophilia and some other upsetting topics. 

The Milk Fic

Oh my God this was bad but not nearly as extreme as other fics. An iconic and shocking read i do not recommend, but if you really want to read it it will not ruin your life, your month at most. 

From what i remember at least the sex was consensual aaaaaaand i don’t remember any other good/decent aspects about it. 

Very famous, a lot of ppl have read it, gerard way said it was “well-written” but honestly it wasn’t.

( original? ryden version) 4/10 because of lack of actual crimes.

Filthy Lucre

So bad i don’t remember the plot. They’re prostitutes i think? there definitely was an abusive relationship and the sex scenes were so bad i had to skip all of them, meaning i read the whole thing in half an hour.

Really terrible, they don’t end up toghether and that’s the only interesting element. I recomend no one reads this unless you are literally dying of boredom.

(frerard version) 1/10 because its a completed work, but at what cost

Twist and Shout

This is considered one of the good ones and you know what? for iconic fanfiction standards it’s not bad at all, decently-written with actual characters that don’t feel, like most fanfic characters, like bad ooc versions of the original.

How about the overcomplicated plot tho? I don’t remember a thing except for the homophobia (its set in the 50s-60s), the war, the Elvis songs, one cute sad beach scene and one of the protagonists dying of aids. Maybe they also watch star trek,idk; lots to unpack. 

If you want to suffer and you have lots of free time i recommend it, i skipped most of the sex scenes but there is an actual plot so that was not a problem.

(original Destiel version) 8/10 bc I don’t remember how they handled the aids thing but it made me uncomfortable, might be just bc of the upsetting subject matter but i don’t remember

The Hat Fic

DO NOT READ THIS THING. Go read the milk fic if you want weird but not this one please. A milk enema is NOTHING. Contains animal abuse and i don’t remember how consensual the whole thing was.

I CAN ASSURE YOU THIS MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE TO THIS DAY I FEEL SICK WRITING THIS. There is a whole subset of early phanfiction centered on being as disgusting and upsetting as possible and i think this started it.

I higly doubt anyone got off on this but still the possibility unsettles me.

(original phan version )  -8233983743764346/10 should be illigal to talk about it. We should all agree to Damnatio Memoriae this thing.

A splitting of the Mind

Some people insist on treating this as one of the good iconic fics but it’s bad. 

So bad its actually an interesting read if you feel like analizing some text, trying to see what is so appealing about it, despite its evident flaws.

The age gap is 19-16 so not as bad as the Other Iconic mcr Fanfic About Doves that i did not read bc from what i remember it was basically pedophilia/grooming but i might be wrong. God the bar is so low

Portrayal of mantal illness and trauma was truly a shitshow, the writing was not great but also not horrible. The sexual assault elements upset me greatly but it might be just bc of the subject matter

pros: unreliable narrator done decently, ray toro’s character saw the future looking in cereal, characters are characters and not merely names (not to be confused with actual good characterization), nothing else.

(original frerard version) 5/10 for the effort honestly, but i do not recommend this unless you are mentally ready for some heavy topics handled poorly.

The Lung Fic

This was written with the goal of shocking the reader, in the same vein as all hat fic/ milk fic copycats.

 Should be more upsetting, given it contains gore, pedophilia and a bunch of other disgusting madness (maybe mpreg?), but it just reads as a fanfiction taboo list.

Not worth reading at all, clearly intentionally designed to shock and disgust to the point where it’s obvious.

0/10 i don’te remember which version, irrelevant, don’t waste your time

Anatomy of a fall

Contains ghosts, high school au, possibly resurrection or death, idk.

I don’t remember this being particularly offensive in any way, but its been a long time. Then again i did not read the sex scenes so it might contain necrophilia and i wouldn’t know. (i checked and no necrophilia, just “weird supernatural sex”)

is it well written? no, but it’s not outragiously badly-written. Is it funny sometimes? yes.

 In the context of this list, this might be a good one, in any other context probably not. I might be biased bc i love ghost stories in general and this one does not contain sexual assault if i remember correcly. (The bar is soooo low)

(original? frerard version) 7/10 bc ghosts and funny aND IT HAS ILLUSTRATIONS (vietnamese translation available)

 The Heart Rate of a Mouse

Good but not in the classical meaning of the word. It contains some Hot TakesTM on human sexuality, substance abuse and unhealthy relationship(s).

Its set in the 70s so the homophobia is there and she is thriving. Wonderful internalized homophobia, really 10/10 for that.

The sex and the plot sometimes intersect, putting me in the uncomfortable position of having to  read smut or not knowiong what is going on (0/10 ).

Well written for the genre (=beloved fanfictions that are rarely redeemable); characters are original and flawed, even interesting sometimes.

The plot is three pubblished books worth of plot available for free on the internet and that is a blessing. I suggest reading this as if all the characters are OCs and you found this book forgotten on the train and decided to read it. 

But is it actually good as a story? idk its a lot honestly, if you have to quarantine for 14 days bc of covid and you don’t have anything to study, this will fill at least 4 full days of reading.

(original version)8/10 bc it has everithing but its still not a masterpiece of modern fanfic literature sorry

Unholyverse

Contains Demons, priests, scarfs, exorcisms(affectionate), vergin mary tatoos and much more. Not as carefully written as throam or tas, but it still makes it as one of the good  fanfics solely for the cool factor.

It would be so cool if this was better written and a comicbook or a grafic novel with original characters.( I skipped all the sex scenes bc they made me uncomfy, as usual so idkwhat was going on there)

If there was anything extremely upsetting about this one i forgot about it (i checked: they say “ warnings for religious themes, pain, trauma, blood, torture and death”). There is a lot of plot, its not even just one fic its a whole serie. 

Great for passing the time, I forgot most of it 7/10 for the demons (original version)

[yoonjinkooked]

Hi, it is I. Feels like the past couple of months, I only write updates on why I’m not here and what bad happened next, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that this post is exactly that. 

After 2+ years of being healthy, vaccinated, and distanced, I got hit by fucking covid. 13 days ago, started mildly, thought I had a weak ass flu. No fever, no coughing. Then 5 days later, coughing started. Got tested. Positive. Got progressively worse. Up and down, up and down. The current state is: a pulmonary infection ft covid and it’s still not getting any better. They even did another backup test on me just yesterday even tho the doc said it’ll very likely be negative - guess what, it wasn’t. It’s like I’ve been fucking hit with super covid hybrid and all I have is one bottle of antibiotics to save my butt from it being worse. 

It sucks. I’m tired. Writing is the last thing on my mind and it’s kwording me that I keep pushing back the things I truly want to work on but life just keeps getting in the way. I’m sick of having to push back my plans and honestly, I’m sick of barely writing 1k words in the past 3 months. 

All the health stuff with my family, the promotion, then my own freaking illnesses which just keep smacking me on the ass full force one after the other, I’m exasperated and barely clinging onto sanity at this point. 

What I can say is, I will try. Not cause you’re pressuring me or anything like that - you’re not, you’re the sweetest bunch in this world and I haven’t gotten a single passive aggressive message, regarding anything, much less something rude. I’m promising to try on my own volition because I need to learn how to fulfil the promises I make to myself, before even daring to make them to other people.  BTS tell us to love ourselves, but we need to remember to forgive ourselves sometimes, too. Cause it’s fucking hard. It just is. We all have shitty battles and shitty things to deal with and an abundance of shitty days. So I’m internet hugging you all. Well, I need to be away, so I’m internet thumbs uping at you. 

I truly, honestly, from the bottom of my cold ass heart, hope that I will be able to write soon and that I will be able to write well. 

Thanks for reading. Please stay healthy peeps. Love you! 💜🍉

[bi-bi-buckleydiaz]

i think not | owen joyner

requested?; - yes! Owen Joyner x reader - their characters might not be love interests on the show (readers is possibly a new one for Luke/which causes a rift in Juke) but they are in real life and are trying to keep it on the down low especially during cast interviews and with fans.

word count; 2K

warnings; language, yelling but only like two sentences

a/n; I didn’t know how to end it so the ending kinda sucks sorry. also side note, the character the reader plays on jatp is a character I’m planning on writing an x reggie fic with so be on the lookout for that !

that close up tho 

You didn’t mean for it to happen. 

Not the, relationship, of course. You wanted that to happen. You’ve been wanting that to happen since you were an extra dancer on the first season of Julie and the Phantoms and danced right into Owen on accident during The Other Side of Hollywood. He was sweet about it, of course he was, asking if you were okay when he was the one that got barrelled into. The apology coffee date turned into a movie night at his apartment which then turned into weekly Friday night takeout dates which ultimately turned into Owen blurting out one night that he liked you and wanted to be your boyfriend. 

You obviously said yes. 

Which brings you to now, two years later filming season two of JatP, except this time you weren’t a dancer, but a recurring character - Delilah Alarie, a 17 year old girl who can hear ghosts, but can’t see them, and forms an unlikely relationship with everyone’s favorite bassist in a ghost band. This is where the problem comes in. 

When you and Owen started dating back in 2019, you two decided to keep it on the DL because you both weren’t totally sure where it was going to go. At the time you were both so busy: Owen having his first acting job as an adult so he was getting used to the long hours, and you working what felt like 25/8 to get all the dance routines down pat. So you both just...didn’t tell anyone. That’s not to say people weren’t suspicious. Charlie was present at many movie nights and Tori liked to tease you about you how you’d spend your time between takes staring at the blond drummer and his fidgeting fingers. 

Filming wrapped and you planned to announce your relationship at the wrap party, but a certain 19 year old thought it would be smart to get a little wasted and passed out before you could say “hey, we’re dating.” Then, you all went your separate ways and you and Owen didn’t see the need to inform everyone of the relationship, especially because you had to figure out the whole long-distance thing. 

Then Covid hit. And there really wasn’t a need because you both were fighting so hard to not get insecure and worried about the hundreds of miles between you two. But you got through it. Between many facetime calls, a spontaneous trip to Hawaii, and one memorable meet up at a halfway point between your two states, you were finally back in each other's arms after the last three months apart. Of course, it was on set, where everyone thinks you’re just friends. 

So yeah, there’s a problem. Because you didn’t mean for the secret dating to go on for so long. Life just, happened, and now you two are constantly sneaking around your fellow castmates and trading secret kisses in each other’s trailers and having little rendezvous meetings in the apartment building’s pool after your roommates have fallen asleep. You’re sure Savannah and Tori have heard you sneaking out a few times, but they wisely say nothing. Charlie sleeps like the dead so your certain Owen is in the clear. 

It’s not like you two want to keep it a secret. Of course you want to tell your friends, it's just, since it’s gone on for so long you’re scared of what could happen. If they’ll get mad about the sneaking around and the lying. 

But alas, you knew the day when the secret would slip out would come. And today just happened to be that day. 

Your friends were already starting to get suspicious, you and Owen were starting to lose your subtlety with the sneaking around, and some fans don’t understand the term BOUNDARIES and caught you two outside the apartment building one day. You weren’t doing anything relationship-y, you two were just coming back from a short day on set because you both ended at the same time and were looking forward to some much needed alone time. But you both knew better than to hold hands or kiss in public, which you were glad for that rule when a few girls bombarded Owen when you both walked out of the parking garage to head inside. The girls posted about the interaction online and of course, assumptions were made about why you two were together. The cast brought it up, but you both shut it down. You really thought the secret would be exposed because someone would catch you two together...Owen is not good at keeping his hands to himself despite his own PDA rule. 

But no, the secret came to a head because Owen is a big fat st0upid head and got jealous over his best friend. 

It started as a normal day. You got up at the last possible minute, Savannah and Tori already eating breakfast in the kitchen, knowing better than to wake you up before your alarm. You ate, showered, changed into comfy clothes for the ride to work. Madi joined you and the other girls that day, now being a little older her dad trusted her to be alone with the older cast members and alone on set for a little while. You jammed out to Doja Cat and HSM because “range, Y/N, range.” Then you arrived on set to Kenny calling you and Madi over for an impromptu meeting before any of you could reach hair and makeup. 

“Alright, now that the rest of you guys are here, I have an announcement to make.” You looked around to see that it was just the main four and you, and that’s when trepidation hit. The only scene you knew of today that involved you five was when the boys finally became visible to you, and you and Reggie share a moment. It’s a hug, much like the one Julie and Luke shared in the season one finale. But Kenny had come up to you a few days ago, suggesting adding a little something something. He told you he wasn’t sure yet, had to run it by a few execs, but that Jeremy was okay with it and he wanted to make sure you’d be okay with it too. You had said yes, after all Jeremy was the one married so you were really only worried about how he and Carolynn would feel about the kiss, you didn’t even think about Owen. 

That was a mistake. 

“So, I ran it by a few execs and of course, our own Delilah and Reggie, and have decided that after their big hug moment, a little kiss would really make the scene and ma -” 

“Uh I think not.” It was muttered, but everyone heard it. And everyone froze, Kenny stopping mid sentence to look at the culprit. Owen was looking at his hands, completely oblivious to everyone staring at him. He didn’t even realize he’d said it aloud until Jeremy cut the tension with a little forced chuckle. 

“C’mon Owen there’s enough of me to go around.” Everyone chuckled a bit, but Owen froze in his fidgeting, his face going firetruck red and eyes darting over to you. 

“Shit. Fuck I said that aloud didn’t I?” He groaned, putting his face in his hands and, before you could stop yourself, you walked up to him. 

“Hey. Hey c’mon.” You gently wrapped your hands around his wrists and pulled his hands away from his face. “It’s okay.” You expected him to look stressed. Based on his tone of voice you were preparing for a minor panic attack. But when you saw his face, all you saw was anger. It shocked you, causing you to stumble back a bit. 

“You knew about this?” And okay, yeah, you also expected a bit of that. But not to this caliber. 

“Owen I -”

“No. No you knew and didn’t tell me? Didn’t think to mention that you’d be kissing one of my best friends? What the hell Y/N?” You flinched, not used to Owen being this angry and loud.

“Owen, buddy, hey. Let’s just -” Charlie started, trying to diffuse the situation having noticed you flinching. 

“No! This isn’t a ‘calm down’ thing. This is a “my girlfriend lied to me” thing and I’m very upset about it!” And whoop...there it is. 

“Owen...” 

“God just, really Y/N?” Then he walks away, leaving you surrounded by your confused friends. It’s silent for a few seconds, everyone taking in what just happened. 

“Um...I know this probably a really bad time to bring this up but uh...y’all owe me twenty bucks each,” Charlie said. Then everyone started talking at one. Kenny apologizing for not knowing, Madi berating Charlie for the bad timing, Charlie firing back that Owen is just being dramatic, and Jeremy consoling you with Kenny. His hand on your back jump starts you into action. You quickly excuse yourself to make your way to Owen’s trailer, knowing that’s probably where he stormed off too. 

You don’t knock when you get there, just walk in, making sure to lock it behind you. Owen is there on the couch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands. 

“Owen Joyner what the hell was that?” That’s not what you had wanted to say. You were going to be nice and ease into it. But he yelled first and now you're anxious and stressed and upset. He sighs heavily and looks up at you, eyes red and glassy with unshed tears. 

“I’m sorry. I - Y/N I didn’t mean to freak. I realized halfway here that was not the way to go. I’m so -” You cut him off by pushing him back and crawling into his lap.

“It’s okay. It’s okay I should’ve - I shouldn’t’ve just yelled and I definitely should have told you when Kenny proposed the idea I just got so caught up in the fact it’d be my first on screen kiss and it’d be with a married man who’s in quite possibly the cutest relationship ever and I was worried about -” 

“You’re rambling babe,” Owen says with a smile. It’s a soft thing, one that makes your insides all mushy and your heart starts beating a little faster. “It’s okay. I mean, I would’ve liked to have found out earlier and not in front of our friends - oh my God! I just completely exposed us didn’t I? Oh God!” He whimpers out a whine and leans his head forward onto your shoulder. You giggle at the blonde beneath you, running your hands through his hair as he pinches your sides for the laugh. 

“Babe, I’m pretty sure they already knew.” Owen whips his head up at that, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Charlie mentioned everyone owes him twenty so, i’m pretty sure they were betting on when we’d tell them.” Owen groans and grumbles at that, throwing his head back in a dramatic way to convey his fake frustration. He brings his head back center and smiles softly again at you. 

“I will make sure to steal it from him tonight. That’s our money babe.” You giggle into the kiss he places onto your lips. You two sit there for a few more minutes, exchanging kisses and trading affirmations of love. After a final kiss, one that’s full of passion and heat, you decide to head back to set. 

You walk into the stage with the studio hand-in-hand, smiles on your faces. Madi squeals when she sees you both, running over to hug you. 

“Yay yay! I knew you’d work it out and now I have another couple to fangirl over. Yay!” You hug the small girl back before she bounces over to give Owen the same treatment. 

“Congrats bro,” Charlie says with a smile, clapping a hand on Owen’s back and ruffling your hair up. Jeremy smiles at you two, hugging you both as well. 

“Congrats you two, now can we get back to the meeting? You two dating is old news. Like, 2019 old. But congrats on finally announcing it!” You look at Kenny in shock for a second, before bursting out into laughter, everyone around you following suit. Owen squeezes your hand three times and you look back over at him. You both shoot each other a small smile. 

It’s gonna be okay. 

[deeisace]

Oh today is a day for anxiety is it

Lovely

I really really should make a doctor's appointment soon

I should have months ago, for one thing, years for another

I don't know what to do

Like I had that appt with the GIC I don't even remember when that was

Where I gave my stock line from like 5 years ago, which is not true any longer if it ever were, that I'd want low-dose T, and top surgery

So obviously the GIC person was like, oh I'll send you to an endo then

And like how do you take back smth you've already said, which is the same, probably, as whatever was written on the notes the awful guy at the walk-in wrote like 4 years ago, immediately after you've said it, in a very important situation that you can't fuck up at all

So I agreed to the endo appt, and then ignored my GP trying to contact me, cs I'm a fucking idiot

And it's been months, and I don't know what to do, and I'm terrified

I don't know if I've been taken off the GIC list for not doing what I said I would, I can't even fucking deal with that thought, I might not want anything else but I do want top surgery - I have some money saved, but going private is a whole other fucking ball park I don't have time to think about

I don't know if I'm still registered at my doctors, even, I haven't made an appointment with them for literally 3+ years (whatever covid + a year is, I think, last was for my knee - they said it was fine, do yoga and take painkillers) and and have been ignoring texts like nobody's business - is it like the dentists, where if you miss enough appointments they boot you? But I haven't made any appointments to miss, either, and that's probably bad too

I need to make an appointment to get a smear test too, which I've also been ignoring like my life depends on it - tho, I spose, in a way, my life depends on me getting those tests, actually, cs cancer runs in my family (or, it's not hereditary, there was a test done about that, but still my dad, his mum, and her mum have all three had cancer multiple times each) and I've had mystery right-abdomen ache on and off for years and years now, and never got it checked cs I don't I can't, and my period time before last was a literal horror-show to the point that my mum wondered if I'd had a miscarriage (not possible in any sense) or something, and last time was two weeks late but normal, and I'm waiting for this one still (I don't know if I should be timing based on the horror-show or last month) - and, tbh, my libido's gone up like you wouldn't believe lately, and I've no idea what's caused that if anything - tho my joints being fucked up this week mum says is hormones, cs that's how her joints go too (or, if she hadn't had birth control stuff for the last 20 years, is how it would go), so praps I should be waiting based on the horror-show, for this week

I don't know how to make an appointment, cs idk if the receptionist will ask what it's about to make a note, and I don't know if I'm even on their register any more

And even were I to get an appointment, I don't know how to say any of this at all, and I don't know if I could force myself to even enter the building for a test appointment, or not absolutely bawl and panic beyond words or anything, even could I go in

Nope, I have to stop crying now and think about something else, I can't I can't I can't

[teeth-and-tea]

Manga & Anime I've Binged This Month: July 2021

Anime:

(7/12) My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom!: GAY AF BUT JUST UNDER THE RADAR ENOUGH TO SLIDE BY THE CENSORS?????? JESUS. A dumbass dense as a brick mf isekais herself into being the villain character in an otome (dating sim) game where the villain always dies/is exiled. To counter that, she changes EVERYTHING. And it's FANTASTIC. I watched the dub, which has its moments of meh, but otherwise suits it great. The story made me laugh and gasp and kept being fresh and surprising and of course it's based off a Light Novel like so many good new isekais are nowadays. Reverse Harem style but some of the "harem" characters are GIRLS. Yeah, and she even gets CONFESSED TO AND KABEDONED (wall slammed) BY OTHER GIRLS. Yeah. I love this show. 10/10, enjoy yourselves.

(7/13) If It's for My Daughter, I'd Even Defeat a Demon Lord: Add this to the list of "little girl child is adopted by an older male figure into a healthy father-daughter bonding experience and is honestly really cute and sweet but always has a tragic backstory" list! Little demon girl is found in the woods by an adventurer and of course he takes her in after some back and forth. He's 100% Maes Hughes here with 1000% less death! It's so cute! It gets kinda weird towards the end tho, very "I'm gonna marry the man who took me in and raised me" vibes which is, imo, very bad. I HOPE it doesn't fall into that trap but, c'est la vie. Overall, kinda boring, but the dub let me finish making a crochet tank top I've been ignoring so it gets a score boost. 8.5/10.

(7/15) That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime (Dub): Heads up, the Sub is on the Crunchyroll but the Dub is on Funimation but I have both so I get to watch both! Season 2 (part 2) is just now being released due to Covid so I'm happy to watch the series again. I'm actually really pleased by the Dub, the Sub was so good I thought it wouldn't compare but nope! Still good! What got me into the Isekai genre tbh. 10/10 I bought the Light Novels lmao save me

(7/17) Ace Attorney: Is Miles Edgeworth Does Gay? I own the anniversary edition of the games and haven't played more than a few hours so I binged the anime and now I'm 10 levels of Miles/Phoenix hell. Gay as shit. Funny, ngl, but I'm now obsessed with the fact that Japan's court system is corrupt as hell, I say OBJECTION in my daily life, and I found out the San Francisco Newspaper agrees with me. Life is wild sometimes. 8.5/10

(7/18) Beastars (S2): I watched the first season years ago ironically and then ended up really liking it. Story of my life. S2 came out the day of and I binged it with my younger bro and loved it AGAIN. Like... dude. 9/10 because honestly? Im gonna be recovering from the consensual leg mauling. CONSENSUAL. MAULING.

(7/26) Saga of Tanya the Evil: Set in a fantasy WWI, this Isekai features a capitalist who spoke to god and said "I'm an atheist" to which god said "Fuck you in particular". You love to hate Tanya and at some point it kinda clicks that although this character IS a sadist, mean, in no way nice and kinda evil, you start seeing the moments where they're very human start click into place. It's fascinating seeing this as almost a character study of Lawful Evil characters, but I think of this more as a palate cleanser for more Good Guys later in your media consumption. Just never read the comments that are with the series because you will regret it. 9/10.

(7/27) The Rising of the Shield Hero: I'm gonna be real if you're the type to get hung up on if things are too problematic to enjoy you'll probably not enjoy this. I'm not knocking people for doing so, just that the MC here LITERALLY has two slaves, he bought from a slaver, whom is not shown as an evil character in the series. And for some godforsaken reason the one time the slaves are released is framed as a bad thing????? I can't get over this tbh. I hate to admit this is one of the most fascinating and interesting and honestly fresh feeling isekai/anime I've seen in a hot minute. But it's got SLAVERY. It's whack. I can't wait for season 2. 9/10.

Manga:

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[sirfrogsworth]

AOC streamed on Twitch with Ilhan Omar and people think they should be fixing the country instead of playing video games and why do they have nice computers? Aren’t socialists supposed to be poor because they gave all their money away to redistribute it?: A 5am rant and explanation with a title that is too long and got away from me. (Complete with Ambien-fueled Director’s Commentary)

(Hello. Froggie’s brain here. Fair warning, I took an ambien a few hours ago and still didn’t sleep. It’s mostly worn off and I am not drunk on sleep meds, but It’s very possible I am going to mess this post up and get things wrong about socialism. But sleep is for losers, and who needs research when you have a great memory, and I like to write dangerously. *puts on sunglasses* LET’S DO THIS! *takes of sunglasses cuz I can’t see*)

It really bothers me when people have this assumption that socialists are supposed to be dirt poor. People will criticize AOC for not giving all of her salary away. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen someone reply “Shouldn’t you redistribute your wealth?” You could probably look at any of her tweets and find that somewhere in the comments. 

(Go ahead and look. I’ll wait here.)

First, she has to maintain two residences with decent security because otherwise some numbnuts would probably try to attack her. So $175K isn’t exactly a windfall. 

(Here comes my first point. Get ready.)

But, at the heart of socialism, the goal is to properly value labor. 

(I think that’s right. I’m sure Karl had a much cooler and more technical explanation tho. I’m not talking to myself am I? I feel like I am talking to myself *with* you. It’s a communal talking to myself. I am making perfect sense. Shut up.)

Which means if you do a job, you get paid fairly for it.  Which means no one should be poor.  Which means everyone should be able to afford the necessities. AND they should even be able to buy a few frivolous items if they wish. Like new clothes and a haircut. 

(Okay, here is where I put on the ranty pants.)

Or in Ilhan’s case, a decent gaming rig.

(Which I don’t actually see as frivolous because it is a tool that her entire family probably uses for both entertainment and productivity tasks. It’s possible she is even borrowing it from a staffer. I dunno. But having a nice thing isn’t going to cause someone to go hungry. Starvation is a systemic issue that she is actually working very hard to overcome. And playing video games during free time to encourage voting isn’t a waste of time. And I can’t think of what else AOC and Ilhan could possibly be doing considering they work longer hours than just about any other reps, they passed a COVID bill months ago, and sometimes they need a goddamn break from the death threats and harassment so they can decompress and maybe enjoy their lives for a few hours. GOT THAT?

What was I talking about?

OH RIGHT! Socialism! The perfect subject to try and explain at 5am after taking an Ambien. I totally got this.)

There is even room in socialism for some people to earn more money than others. *gasp* You just can’t amass wealth by exploiting someone else’s labor. Because then you would be undervaluing it. Plus workers would own the means of production to help prevent any exploitation. See how that works? 

(”You want your widgets, Mr. Boss Man? Well you’re free to buy your own tools and make them yourself!” Very clever precaution, Karl.)

Wealthy people wouldn’t necessarily be abolished. Little “m” millionaire’s might even be possible. The world actually has a shit ton of resources and we don’t actually have to let 10 people hoard most of them. 

(Jeff Bezos is building a $40,000,000 clock that keeps time for 10,000 years. But yeah, Ilhan got a mid level, last gen video card. Clearly it’s her fault we’re all broke.)

But some labor could be more valuable than other labor. Some might choose to work more hours. Or they might produce something that creates more profit. Or you might use a hybrid economic system that has great social programs along with regulated capitalism that allows for greater wealth but uses taxation to mitigate rampant greed.

(I know that last bit isn’t pure Marxian and I’m sure that causes problems and I know many want to yeet *all* the capitalism into the sun, but they are definitely doing better than we are with our free-market-do-whatever chaos.

Where was I going with all this? Writing under the influence is really not advised. Let’s try a generic statement that gets to the point of all this.) 

As long as all labor is valued fairly, no one will have to starve. 

But also no one will end up with obscene wealth to the point where they could never spend their earnings in a lifetime. 

It’s a more balanced system that reduces extremes on both ends. 

(That wasn’t terrible. But now I’m going to pivot and address the “wealth redistribution” canard. What is a canard? Sounds a bit like a fruit, but like one that is hard to open and get to the good stuff inside. Like, “Get the machete, I gotta cut open this canard so I can add booze to its juices and get wasted.”)

If it is done properly, there actually shouldn’t be a need for much “wealth redistribution” beyond investing in social programs and safety nets. But I don’t see that as redistribution. Everyone benefits from investing in their community. In every place that uses tax money to truly invest in social programs--like healthcare and schooling... they have a higher standard of living. 

(And now I’m going to create a strawman. But it’s a realistic strawman based on many conversations I’ve seen. So is that still a strawman? Why am I narrating my writing process? Oh right... failed Ambien.)

Some might say, “I never get sick and I am no longer in school! Why do I have to pay for other people?!!” 

(That’s an actual quote from my own Uncle Strawman. So don’t accuse me of debate fallacies.)

And I would point out to that very realistic depiction of a person that exists that they get roads and fire trucks and infrastructure and a long list of things that people take for granted every day but make a modern life possible. 

(Don’t you like pooping and not having to dump it on the street? Cough up the tax money for a sewer system, you poopy douche.)

But my super realistic Fox News strawman person would still benefit from the healthcare and the schools even if he never uses them. Healthy educated people are less likely to commit crimes out of desperation. (Safer communities!) They are more likely to work and stimulate the economy. (Better economy!) They might end up being a doctor that saves your little straw heart some day. (Unlikely hypothetical!) 

(I think I’m going to end on an overused platitude so I can try to go to sleep again. Oh, I’m going to hit the H button to make it bigger. That always looks cool.)

A rising tide lifts all boats. 

(Yes, I am aware this is an extremely simplistic explanation that might bend accuracy for the sake that simplicity. And I know this is a hyper-utopic hypothetical that doesn’t address any of the possible issues and complications in converting to a non-capitalist society. And I know AOC is a Democratic Socialist which incorporates capitalism. I’m going for a Socialism 101 vibe on this one, because if I tried to go FULL MARX TO THE EXTREME I’d probably screw it up. Especially since, ya know, Ambien. Honestly I’m probably not yet at the point of my economic philosophy studies to even speak on that level with authority. But as long as you are civil, avoid pedantry, and don’t nitpick for nitpicking’s sake, I invite anyone to improve my 5am I-can’t-sleep-ambian rant about debunking socialism-makes-you-poor myths.)

(Say goodnight, Froggie.)

Goodnight, Froggie.

[youmyjhope]

This is as Lil depressing so don't read if ur overwhelmed or if u having a good day (don't wanna ruin it for u)

Since I started high school I have been preparing to apply to American University so that I leave the toxic abusive household I live in, then all of it vanished when covid happened, everything I worked so hard for just went away in an instant, it made me depressed as fuck and the thing is I'm already borderline (a personality disorder) so developping depression on the top of it is just the worst thing ever,

My plan was to get accepted to an American university (take a loan) , leave this shit behind and attend my 1st bts concert. It was the only thing keeping me going, now I have no will to do a yhting really I have a final tmr and I just don't give a flying fuck cause I always tried so hard then get so close to where I wanna get but fail, then other people whom parents are rich and supportive be living my dream life while not doing half the work I put in. It's so frustrating, at some point I started unstaning bts but I got back them though ur account actually, nothing brings me happiness anymore I'm just feeling empty and numb all day, nothing works and I'm just so tired of trying

I tried getting a part time job but I couldn't since it's not a thing in my country (ppl who work at fast food for example use that money to feed a whole family so they prioritize them first. And I tried giving my services online (I'm good at reading birthchart I'm. Not bragging people actually told me that) and that didn't work either, I am stuck literally physically with them because of covid and having no source of income, i don't see a reason to keep going, but I promised myself long time ago that I will move out when I was only 7 and realized how fucked up my family was. I lost all my so called friends, none kept in touch even tho I always send them messages and listen to when they need to complain, I have no one nor nothing left.

Not only is my depression affecting my studies it also worsend my eating disorder and body image, and I tried going to a therapist but she didn't call me back cause mental health dint taken seriously where I live. I literally haven't eaten a proper in months if not years, I mean since covid I ate like 8 proper meals mainly cause mom is no longer buying the ingredients that i need to make the food I make (I'm not picky I just have a really weak stomach) my physical health is as shitty as my mental. And my family is so determined to keep abusing me in all sort of ways. I just wanna escape

I'm sorry you have to go through this love ❤ i wish i could comfort and hug you.

You deserve everything and you're worthy. Its hard for me to say or believe this myself because my mental health is at the worst its ever been now too. But deep down i know it's not our fault, that we can't control the shittiness of the world we were brought in.

I really hope you got something off your chest at least.❤ i want you to feel better, i really do.

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 28 - Risk assessment of restarting events, German experiment.

K: Hi, Lets start this week's episode of The Freedom of Expression. Joe san, Tasai san, welcome....Oh, I forgot to say 'This is Dir en grey's Kaoru'.

J, T: Hahaha.

J: Well, say it now, haha.

K: No, well, Im always saying this, but the preparations to get this show started each time are so slow!

J, T: Hahaha.

K: I got here about 90mins ago!

J: Yeh, honestly for me, sorry about this, but I mistook the time and the day, I only noticed when I saw Tasai's LINE message.

T: I was thinking, 'this is not good'.

J: 'Joe san! We're all already here!' And I thought, 'Eh!?', and I rushed here in a panic. But  they still weren't ready to start recording.

K: Seriously, they havn't ever got it all set up quickly and smoothly.

T: Thats right.

K: We're waiting for so long.

J: Yep, there's been a lot of waiting to get to this point. But we do have time to have a meeting about the theme.

K: Yeh, we do that. But why does it never work out properly? They only have to do the same thing every time. We're talking about this every third episode.

J: Yeh, and we record three at once, so its like every time, haha.

K: Hahaha

J: Yep, we start each recording session with this conversation every time. Its become famous already.

K: We are kinda grumbling a bit.

J: The viewers have no connection to this.

K: Well, anyway, for today...Joe san, could you please?

J: Yes, 1500 at a concert - risk assessment of event restarts in German experiment. With the reopening of music and sports events in mind, which have faced huge restrictions amidsts the spreading of Covid-19, German researchers conducted an experiment on the 22nd, analyzing the risk of infection at a real live concert. On this day, a team of researchers from Martin Luther University in Halle, Germany put on a concert by the singer Tim Bendzko in an indoor venue in Leipzig. 1500 people took part in the experiment. Masks and small size tracking devices were distributed to the audience, and their hands were applied with fluorescent gel before entering. This was to record areas of high contact within the venue, and identify where people are touching the most. Professor Gekle from the same university's medical department said, 'I want to be able to offer some means of making a reasonable decision as the whether or not events can be permitted. We need the means to predict how many people will be infected after events are reopened.' Three scenarios were tested: a pre-pandemic environment, a mid-pandemic/strengthened infection prevention environment, and a limited audience environment. The team will analyze the gathered data, and evaluate the success of  the prevention methods using a mathematical model. They will announce their results within this year. Soo, this has finally gotten started.

T: It was picked up on a 26" Sharp *1

J: Yes, in the end 1500 people took part in the experiment.

K: Didn't they say they wanted 4000 people?

J: Yeh, maybe they couldn't gather that many.

K: Yeh

J: Sounds like it.

T: I think so. It looks like the data is split into three parts. The first group is like at the start of the pandemic with everyone...

J: Everyone crammed in. Doing a live show in a packed space.

T: Yeh. The second group was testing the prevention measures, like using alcohol, with a certain amount of social distancing. And the third group was keeping a strict distance of 1.5 meters between each person, and making it perfectly spaced out. Then they could gather these three sets of data.

J: Yeh, I see. It looks like we could get some good guidelines out of this.

K: But if they say the results will be out within the year, thats still quite a way off, isnt' it?

J: Yeh, we may have to wait a bit, but as for big events in Japan, the government made an announcement on the 21st of this month (*Sep or Oct 2020*). They will continue with their 5000 upper limit of people allowed in indoor or outdoor facilities. As to why they will continue this, a govt. person had this to say in an article for Mainichi Shinbun. 'Experts are saying we have already passed the peak, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't extend the limit on spectator numbers. The rest of the world would never forgive us'. Germany is using this kind of scientific logic, but Japan is saying 'we won't change the 5000 people limit, because the world wouldn't forgive us'!

T: Yeh..

Kami: Can I say something? ..Um, I listened to the report, and I got distracted by the names of that singer and that professor, Tim Bendzko and Professor Gekle, so I didn't really listen to the rest.

T: Well, yeh, those names are pretty interesting  to Japanese people.

Kami: So I wasn't listening much...but you said, 'The rest of the world wouldn't forgive us'..if they were to lift the limit on 5000 people?

J: Yes, yes. Not me, someone connected with the government said that.

Kami: Thats pretty amazing, isn't it? They won't lift the limit because the world would never forgive them?

J: Well, experts are saying we are past the peak, so..ordinarily, this would be a good time to lift the limit.

Kami: Even though experts say we are past the peak, the world would never forgive us, so we won't lift the limit...Japan is really keeping up with the trends, isn't it?

K: Its cute, right?

J: Yeah

Kami: Its great, isn't it?

J: Its like, we know the science, but we don't wanna get bullied!

Kami: Even I didn't think of this. Thank you very much for this.

J: Well, its a new discovery...

Kami: Yes, I started to really love Japan.

T: Its a politician's job to explain this type of thing properly tho.

Kami: I really love Japan now.

J: But this really isn't any kind of scientific logic.

K: But the rest of the world aren't doing live shows as much as Japan is...they can't can they?

J: Ahhh....yeah.

K: In that sense ???*2

J: Japan is always in this kinda grey zone. There's a lot of talk about this request for self-restraint, like what does it mean? Like, Can I? Can't I?

K: Nothing has been forbidden though, has it?

J: Yeh

K: Also, what was it? A kind of bike event that took place in North Carolina..

J: Yes, thousands of people attended. Events like that are happening in America. At the moment, there are no penalties for doing anything.

K: People are just not doing stuff by exercising self-restraint

J: Thats it.

K: So that means Japan hasn't even ???*3

J: Yeah.

K: No, well it depends how you say it! Didn't they have anything clearer to say?

J: It wasn't very scientific.

K: We've only spoken about Japan, but in Taiwan they are holding concerts with over 10, 000 people.

T: Thats amazing, isn't it?

K: Because they have a really low rate of infection right?

J: Yeah, they do.

T: This was on August 8th, right?

Kami: The world has forgiven them right?

J: Well, yeah.

T: Doesn't this photo have quite an impact?

K: Its great, isn't it? Its a packed live show.

J: It is. They are wearing masks, but there is no distance between them.

T: Its just like normal.

K: That means they've returned to daily life then? In Taiwan?

J: Well, I guess so.

K: I spoke about this before, but I wonder if they will do experiments on other areas of life, not just live shows. This German study is only looking at live shows, right? Other things...

T: For example, public transport?

K: Mmm

T: Public spaces, they could do the experiment with public transport and stuff.

Kami: If Japan conducted this kind of experiment, the world wouldn't forgive us, right?

J: Well, you might not even be able to gather participants.

K: Well, conversely it would be seen as raising the infection risk, if Japan did it.

T: Are you slightly envious when you look at this, Kaoru? The Taiwan live show? 10,000 people gathering like this..

K: Well, i mean, at our lives people aren't all sat down like this, so I'm not sure. It doesn't feel like authentically back to normal. Its great that so many people can be allowed in there though.

Kami: Haven't Dir en grey ever played in Taiwan?

K: We have. It was good. How many times did we go? Twice?

Kami: Was the food nice?

K: Emm, yeh, haha.

J: Hahaha. The topic has turned more relaxing towards the end, haha.

T: Kami sometimes says cute stuff.

J: Yeah.

Kami: What did you eat?

K: What did I eat? Hmm

J: He's quite interested in this, isn't he?

K: I don't really remember.

Kami: Did you go out during the night?

K: Eh? Err, I think I did, yeh.

Kami: Did it taste nice?

K: Did it taste nice?? Well, I don't think I ate at night.

T: Did you try that Stinky Tofu?

K: I have never tried it!

J: Ahh, it really stinks doesn't it? That..

K: The smell is too offputting.

J: That knocked me flat...But you could do live shows if you went to Taiwan though?

K: They wouldn't let us in.

J: Ahhh, right. At the moment..

K: Yeh, we wouldn't be allowed in.

J: Now we have this problem.

K: They're not allowing people in, so...huh? *a music box sounding tune starts playing*  Whats that?

J: Is someone's phone ringing? Haha, is this revenge from Kami? Are we ok?

Kami: You're ok.

K: They're not allowing people in, thats why they can do big shows. Probably.

J: Yeh

K: Well, who knows when Japan, or even the rest of the world will be able to do live shows like this, but im interested to see what kind of results this experiment will produce.

T: We can do an episode about it.

K: Yep. Well, the conversation was a bit all over the place today...

J,T: Hahaha

K: But please tune in again next time. Please subscribe.

*1 I don't know what he means by this.

*2, 3 Couldn't catch