#every single time i'm in a store

[i-chew-on-pushpins]

the other day my coworker told a kid to just "squeeze in" next to me. i didn't even really register this remark, i was standing in what was essentially a closet. it's a tight fit for anyone. a few minutes later, she stopped me to apologize for her choice of words. she said she didn't mean to imply anything about my body like that and she wanted to know if i needed anything to feel better.

i am so unaccustomed to anyone else thinking about fat people's needs or feelings that it took me several seconds to even recognize what she was talking about. i didn't know how to respond or what to say. i hadn't registered her comment as potentially fatphobic partially because the space i was in was genuinely very small for an adult of any size but also because i am so used to just not thinking about my body or the ways people are casually cruel to it.

i try to ignore the fact that people scowl and push me in the grocery store. it took my wife pointing out why i am always being slammed into for me to recognize it. i ignore the way people look at me with annoyance on planes or the bus. i ignore the way doctors speak to me, nurses second-guess my words, clothing store employees look at me when i walk into straight size stores.

i ignore when people talk about dieting and weight loss and 'guilty foods' around me, to me, waiting for me to join in on their game. i ignore people's surprise when i talk about enjoying physical activity, eating mostly vegetarian, being a fairly active person

and so it threw me when my thin coworker just...knew what was up. she recognized the potential hurt in her words and came to me about them immediately. i've seen her books about unlearning fatphobia. i know she listens to the same podcast about diet culture and wellness scams that i do. i know it's not just a kindness but an active interest and focus she's undertaking.

it's been a couple weeks but i can't stop feeling seen and known by this. like maybe i can take off those blinders. maybe if i start pointing out people's words, actions, stares, maybe someone will have my back

[martyrbat]

perpetual mourning – batman black and white (1996) #1

[ID: a black and white panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as Batman investigating a murder. He performed an examination of the victim's body and found DNA evidence to convict her killer and then performed an autopsy to examine her stomach contents — which led him to a little 24/7 diner. He walks in, disrupting the cozy scene with his presence.

Bruce internally reflects, ‘People think i'm a knight. A savior. But in truth, I'm only a vessel to hold the memories of those who've passed on. Those who've no shell left to store them. They must think I revel in my victories. It must seem like I never lose a fight. I lose plenty. The ones I couldn't get to. The ones I couldn't save in time. Those are the ones I carry around inside of me. Those are the ones I'll mourn forever.’

He shows the only waitress a photo of the victim's face and asks, “Excuse me. Do any of you know this woman?” The waitress gasps and holds her hand to her head in shocked distress. She stammers, “That's Chelsea, she comes in here all the time. Sits in the same booth, the same time, reads the same book... um, what was the title...? She, uh, left here only a couple of... Why do you... Oh, god. No. Dear girl...”

Back at the morgue, Bruce solemnly gazes down at the woman as she lays in an unzipped body bag. He thinks, ‘Luckily, you hadn't digested your last meal, Chelsea. There're only a few places in the neighborhood where you were found that serve blueberry pie at this hour of the morning.’ He carefully zips the body bag entirely. The identification label states she was a thirty year old caucasian female. The name ‘Jane Doe’ has been scribbled out to now be replaced with ‘Chelsea Rain’. Bruce continues to ruminate, ‘You only have your thoughts and dreams ahead of you. You're someone. You mean something. I'll remember. You're within me now. Forever.’ END ID]

[gendzl]

I was killing time last week waiting for the bus and stumbled upon a teeny tiny store that exclusively sold fossils! which was very exciting for me, except the cheapest thing in there was $150 so mostly I just stood there for a few minutes, staring at absolutely massive dinosaur bones (3 feet long and $4,000) behind glass and pondering the fact that the storefront even existing means that there are people here who wander in and drop thousands of dollars on dinosaur bones with some regularity.

[hillclan]

Hailstar, you havent had a very easy start with hillclan ! What do you think of being a leader ?

Hailstar became leader very shortly before the landslide killed most of the original HillClan, so he doesn't have the long standing respect the former leader had. He's been sick a lot since then and is constantly doubting his leadership. Whenever others look to him for guidance, he fumbles under the pressure.

Hailstar doesn't like being leader, but someone has to do it, and he's been trusted to protect HillClan.

[50000bears]

My first thrift store book haul of the year

[heftbyjapanesebreakfast]

this sandwich was so fucking good u don't even know how long i've been wanting to get thjs

[here-there-were-dragons]

every time i think the "staff can do no wrong and any form of complaining or expressing literally anything other than "yaaay love it <3" with no further comments is bashing and literally evil we should never say anything that could even potentially be interpreted as mildly critical ever because ~some artist who worked hard on this is probably reading the forums and might feel bad if we ever express anything but praise~ also we must be constantly positive at all times unless we're passive-aggressively shaming someone for having an extremely polite and apologetically worded criticism and if you ask the staff for literally anything you had better be prepared to preface it with 3 paragraphs of apologizing for breathing air" attitude is bad on tumblr, i take one look at the forums, and holy fucking hell is it SO much worse on site

[ali3nboyfriend]

it's important to remember that dogs are predators (some of them large predators) that can be dangerous and to treat them accordingly. yes, even dogs you know. yes, even dogs you know really well. yes, even your own dogs. if you ever take it for granted that a dog couldn't hurt someone then you're putting the dog, yourself, and other people in danger.

but you can remember that and live by that without it damaging your relationship with dogs. in fact, it makes the relationship even better: instead of treating them like babies, you are meeting them in a place of respect. this is especially helpful whenever you get a new dog, because you go into this new partnership knowing that you have to take certain steps (training, socialization, etc) that will not only make things safer and easier for everyone involved, but will also help ease any anxieties or fears the animal might have.

people take just about any animal for granted, especially animals you can purchase as pets, and dogs get a lot of shit they don't deserve because of it. you are not entitled to dogs. they're not human babies. treating them like they are makes their anxieties worse, encourages reactive behaviors, and unnecessarily puts people at risk of their reactive behaviors. meeting them where they are and being willing to put work into them if you are their handler and if you're not listening to their handlers' wishes in regards to them will give them much happier lives in the long run.

[tittyinfinity]

gotta love living in a world where paying more for a product is unethical because you're wasting extra money they could go into helping others & yourself but also paying less for something is unethical because it definitely means there were labor violations and slavery used in the making of the product. but also the more expensive products were also likely also produced by slave/child/underpaid labor

[gailynovelry]

Sometimes, living under late-stage capitalism is just like. I'm tired of being asked to spin straw into gold in exchange for a plate of stale, soggy bread crust.

[laurelwinchester]

my grandmother finally seems to be recovering from covid but my grandfather is still in the hospital. he's on oxygen and he thinks it's 1994. i hate this.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log 5

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.

I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.

Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.

Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.

Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.

eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)

Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.

Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.

Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.

Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)

[nobrakes]

I always find it kind of funny when my friends or people in general say shit like: "oh, you have so many skills!" in regards to Things I Learned How To Do Myself Because I Never Had The Financial Possibility Of Paying For Other People To Do For Me.

[emile-hides]

What kind of prompts are you looking for?

Here on my main blog, anything to get me into a ramble would be amazing. Ask my opinion or headcanons on a character, ship, arcs, etc. Ask about the AUs I am spinning in my brain, or the plot fixes I've been messing with, my homebrew on how Fairy Tail Magic works, my character redesigns (there's very few of those), anything to get my brain flowing.

You can also go to my ship blog @kakusu-shipping and request Fairy Tail X Readers or Ship Fics/Headcanons, any character, any ship, any amount of detail or lack there of you want, just to get my brain running.

Thanks for taking interest in my need to ramble, I soaked up all of Fairy Tail like a sponge and now I will actually imploded if I don't find some way to use it to create and vocalize my thoughts in some way.

[astrocassette]

congratulations to vatnir on being the first person in the deadfire to make seren so angry they started shouting at someone (him)

[addelaidesupreme]

I'm watching a video essay about a game ive been interested in playing. The creator of the video, who has crossdressed multiple times, makes a "women arent funny" joke, and i suddenly realize ive never witnessed him acknowledge a woman in an uplifting way before.

I'm on a dating app for lgbt+ people. I've stated multiple times on my profile that i would rather lose an arm than recieve nudes without consent. I will be sent five dick pics for every 2 people i talk to that night.

I'm talking with my dad, who informs me he's been trying his best to learn about trans issues. He says the same things steven crowder brings up when trying to ridicule trans people. I gently but firmly correct my father and get told that ive been fed propaganda.

I'm on instagram, under the comments of a post ridiculing someone for being a misogynyst. Someone's left a comment saying "it must be hard being a woman on the internet" and i respond "it is." I will have every aspect of my appearance scrutinized as a reminder that no matter how well i pass, it will never be enough for someone with bad intentions.

I'm back on that dating app for lgbt+ people. I'm messaged by an attractive looking person, but i can see their partner prominently displayed in all but their main photo, oftentimes striking what im sure they thought was a very intimidating pose. Their bio says "looking for a third for our anniversary." I know that even if I did feel up to it, the gruff partner wouldnt approve of me because i don't pass.

I'm at a job interview for a clothing store. I tell the gracefully-dressed woman interviewing me that ever since i began my transition, i've discovered an interest in fashion, and that this job would allow me to dip my toes into the industry in a safe way. I'm told that i've reduced womanhood to a stereotype, and i can tell by her tone that i lost any chance at the job the minute she realized i was trans.

I'm at the same hospital i got facial feminization surgery in, trying to figure out what's wrong with my bowels. When the person behind the desk gives me a wristband with my patient info on it, i notice a single, lonely, letter M. I ask a nurse in private why it would say that despite me having changed it nearly a year prior. They say they have no clue, and bring in paperwork for me to fill out and have it re-changed again.

I'm living with my mom at the time. I'm new to transitioning, and decide to try my hand at voice training. It feels a bit off, but otherwise im feeling neutral toward the whole thing. I try speaking in this new voice to my mom and she laughs. Now, when people ask if i intend to voice train, i find speaking at all difficult for minutes after.

I didnt have some sort of grand message to convey by this. I just had a thought and then that thought spiralled into whatever the hell this became. Some, okay most, might call it complaining; they are right to do so.