#every time i play the love triangle it is an experience

[agentnatesewell]

Have been thinking about this scene all day and I am spiraling!

Suri confronting Adam about his feelings, not backing down when he says he’s not thinking about her, that he doesn’t have feelings for her … such an open moment, from her, requesting he looks her in the eye and tell her he doesn’t feel something … and just when he might - might - be open with her?

Nate walks in. Of course. It’s the perfect out for Adam.

It’s also the perfect opportunity to calm down for Suri. Because she’s now looking at Nate in his pajamas, and he’s being incredibly suggestive (and why couldn’t she have taken him up on that?). But! Where Adam cannot express his feelings, Nate does. Nate then says that he’d like to take her out on a date. He wants to deepen this relationship. And she’s going to go with it because it’s something she wants and well, she can swallow down these not-feelings feelings for Adam

This scene is just perfect with the tension. You can hear a snap when Nate walks into the room

Seriously one of the very best in the love triangle so far! (haven’t played b3 yet)

[selineram3421]

🎩

You're Off-key

Prologue

Reader X Gravity Falls

Warnings ⚠

⚠ The Book of Bill SPOILERS HERE! Do NOT read if you don't want any spoils of the book. Other than that, enjoy. -mentions of madness, blood, cryptids, italics= thoughts, ya know..the usual. Oh! And for our old pal Stan, some swear words. ⚠

You missed this.

Being one of the weird kids who loved the supernatural, interested in solving puzzles, uncovering secrets. Of course you ended up watching Gravity Falls.

Never really growing out of it, you'd still watch videos about ghosts or getting a heavy duty flashlight and a pair of brass knuckles for whatever made a noise in your apartment.

Ghost or not, they'd learn not to mess with you!

At some point you got The Book of Bill.

It was so cool! Little funny and silly at times. There was also the triangle's descent into madness. Man those pictures were good.

Also an axolotl?

You don't know but it looked cute.

As you kept reading, the more you wanted to experience everything you didn't get to when you were younger.

So you decided on a road trip!

A road trip to all the places that inspired the creator of the show and the final stop would be Bill's statue!

Best friend in the passenger seat! Sun glasses in the glove boxes! And snacks to last you a while before the next gas station stop!

You even brought a camera!

"Ready for the time of your life?", you asked excitedly.

"In this heat?", your best friend fanned their face with the paper map. "It'll be meh but yeah, I'm ready for the car AC."

You both were in the car, ready to begin the adventure to Oregon, but you were just double checking before it actually began.

"Ok, ok. I'll start the car.", you said and put the key in the ignition, turning it and starting the car.

Immediately putting the AC on high, both of you were ready and you slowly backed out the driveway.

"Let's get that fucking pie!", you said and put on the sun glasses.

It was really bright today.

First you went to the famous diner with the pie. It was a give in, honestly but the pie was really good. Next to the Oregon Vortex. Now that was a really weird shack! Everything was leveled but you were standing slanted a bit. Then you both went to every roadside attraction that you could and got some key chains for souvenirs. It's been really clear weather since you started the road trip, which was a bit of a surprise. It was supposed to sprinkle at some point.

Finally, the last thing on the list arrived.

Playing the song "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn as you drove to the parking area and both of you were singing along to it before you had to turn off the car.

You brought The Book of Bill for fun.

Deciding to joke around, you bought some spaghetti to go and went to park the car before venturing into the woods where Bill's Statue was.

"Are you seriously gonna try it?", your best friend laughed.

"Why not?", you smiled while putting a water bottle in your pack. "It's ok to be silly. Mabel says so. Trust the silliness!"

"Yeah, ok.", they agreed with a smile. "If we get mauled by a bear, I'm sacrificing you first."

.....

"Fair."

Camera, spaghetti, book of Bill, and water! (Also a flashlight.) You were ready for a photo shoot with the oh so famous Dream Demon!

Looking back to see the sun, you guessed that you had about two hours to find Bill's statue before it got too dark. Your best friend had a map they downloaded off the internet that would lead you straight to it. Of course, with you having some attention issues, you'd get sidetracked by anything you found interesting, hence needing the two hours.

⯅

You were right!

The two hours were needed because you were still trying to solve one of the codes in the book, while also getting distracted by some cool looking bugs around the area.

"Did you try the Caesar cipher?", your friend asked.

"Yeah, but this is new. It's something else.", you sighed. "I should have tried the website before leaving.", you grumbled sadly.

"Hey, it's totally fine!", they said and patted your back a few times. "You'll get to do that when we go back home.", then they pointed towards the right with their thumb. "By the way, Bill statue is next to us, over by those bushes."

"WHAT!?", you screeched and ran over, whispering a few ouches as the branches of the bush scratched your legs.

That's when you saw it.

In all of its odd glory was the Bill statue with its hand out, waiting for a hand shake.

"Eeeeee!", you cheered as you got closer, hearing your friend laugh behind you as you did so. "I gotta give him spaghetti!"

Opening up your bag, you took out the take-out box that held the noodley deliciousness and took a quick forkfull for yourself before putting it in front of the stone triangle.

"I really thought you were joking.", says your friend as they watch you take out the book and camera from your backpack.

"Nope!", you smile, snapping a quick picture of the statue with spaghetti. "Ok, now for the silliest part."

You take out Parmesan cheese and a cheese grater.

"Oh this is fucking hilarious.", your best friend says and takes pictures of you with their phone.

The sun hits the horizon and the sky is slowly darkening, you start grating the cheese and when you think it's enough, you stop.

"Hey, take a pic with me shaking his hand.", you say and get closer to the statue, reaching out to touch it.

"Sure thing jellybean.", they say and lift their phone up. "It's my turn after you."

"Ok!", you say and put a thumbs up as you put your other hand on the statue's.

As you look to where your best friend is, all you can see is darkness.

You call their name in confusion. "Are you there?", you ask. "Turn on the flashlight, its really dark out here."

But you get no response.

And then you hear something odd.

Kinda sounds like someone with a weird sound filter over their laughing.

"Ok, ha ha.", you roll your eyes. "Quit playing the Bill audio and take the picture already."

When you try to get a better hold on the statue, you realize you weren't holding anything at all.

"What?", you say and look at your hand. "Wait.. Why can I see my hand perfectly fine when everything else is-"

"Well, well, well!", says a familiar voice from behind you.

What?

Turning around you see a floating, glowing Dorito chip with a fancy bow tie and a top hat.

Holy shit.

"Here we are at last! I've been waiting an eternity to meet you."

How is this happening? Was one of the snacks you ate expired? Did you eat the wrong brownies!?

"Thanks for reading my best seller kid!", Bill says and twirls his cane into existence in his hand. "And for the handshake.", he blinks. Winks?

"Wait, hold on! I-!", you start.

"See you in Gravity Falls!", the triangle snaps his fingers and suddenly there's a hole beneath your feet that reveals a cartoon animated forest.

"Wha-"

"Don't break your neck on the way down!", the one eyed demon waves.

And you begin to fall.

ZKDW D QLFH VXQQB GDV

~Seline, the person.

Part 1

Taglist@

@+?

YO-🎹 | GF List🏞️

[aknosde]

reread thg recently (if you couldn't tell) & i think it's very funny how there's this continued disagreement especially in the movie community over the whole gale vs. peeta thing + the fact that katniss can't decide if she loves peeta or not for so much of the series. movie marketing def played up the love triangle into a twilight-like deal, but her love for peeta is literally established in the first book. katniss has a lot of difficulty accepting grey area in her feelings for peeta, and setting aside the nuances of their relationship––and whether or not a hard line between platonic & romantic is even necessary in such a deep bond––for a moment, to me katniss' arena experience culminates both literally and narratively as she's in the hover craft flying away. after she wakes up she clings to the glass separating her and peeta, watching him be operated on: "I'm held here both by the hovercraft walls and the same force that holds the loved ones of the dying. How often I've seen them, ringed around our kitchen table and I thought, Why don't they leave? Why do they stay to watch?" this compound memory of injured ppl on her mothers table is somewhat of a touchstone for her throughout the book, and deserves deeper analysis, but for my purposes all you need to know is that every time its happened she runs away, and in this case the next line is: "And now I know. It's because you have no choice." she is his loved one, though it's very 'when push comes to shove.' in that moment there is no internal conflict over whether she loves peeta or not, only the action of loving him.

[smoooothoperator]

untouchable

04: Point Of No Return

Lando Norris x OC (Violet Sinclair)

same group friend, unrequited love, acquittances to lovers, ski trip, love triangle

Words: 3k

Warnings: drama, acotar reference (if you know which one, say it!!!)

a/n: so the drama is getting better, huh? This is kinda something that happened on my birthday lol. Not all of it, but yeah :)

Masterlist

Official Playlist

previous chapter | next chapter

If you want to be tagged don't forget to message me!

Every way of feedback is very welcomed

Experience always told me that I should never wait for the best of everyone. That I shouldn't have big expectations or high hopes. Everyone is busy with their lives, no matter what happens, you will never be more important than someone.

The light of the sun lighted up my room with a gold shine making me open my eyes slowly. The bedroom.was beautiful, and I thanked mentally Lando for letting me have this room the entire week. It was a spacious room with a king sized bed and a window that occupied a wall letting me see the mountains and trees.

I smiled softly, stretching and yawning wide. My phone was on the nightstand, the charger plugged in. I grabbed it, turning on the screen.

But, instead of a smile, a frown and a heavy weight in my chest showed in my face.

No messages, no calls. Not even from my parents.

I have signal, there's wifi in this house. So… why?

I swallowed thickly and got up, grabbing a hoodie and walking out of the room. Downstairs was quiet, maybe they were still sleeping.

But for my surprise, Lando was awake and

already drinking something.

“Morning” I sighed, hiding my face with the hood of the hoodie.

“Morning” he said back. “How did you sleep?”

“Amazing” I said, walking towards him and sitting next to him on the couch. “The best way to wake up… best views ever”

“Yeah? I'm glad” he smiled.

I nodded and sigh, hugging my legs and looking where he's looking. Two foxes, playing with themselves.

“Oh” I whisper, surprised.

“Yeah” I heard Lando chuckle softly.

Silence fell between us, sometimes filled with the sounds he makes when he sips the tea or with the sound of the wind outside the house. 

“Happy birthday” he whispered, looking at me with a smile.

He was the first one that said it. The only one, at the moment.

“Thank you” I smiled softly, somehow sitting closer to him.

“By the way, I made you your mocha” he whispered again, not stopping looking at the two foxes. “It's on the microwave, in case you want to warm it again”

Little gestures. He was always a man of little gestures. Having the coffee or the tea I like whenever our group went to his house, asking me which book I was reading, congratulating me for my little personal wins… Little things that showed me he cared.

But still, I was surprised. He knows that's my favorite coffee, he knows I like to have it for breakfast every morning.

I got up, walked towards the kitchen and warmed the coffee in the microwave while I looked at my phone. 

Nothing. No messages. Nothing from my parents. Nothing from my classmates. 

And it hurts. It hurts waking up on a special day and watching that no one cared, that no one noticed.

Only Lando.

I grabbed the mug and walked back to sit next to him, closer than before, this time our arms were pressed against the other. 

“Why did you wake up this early?” I asked him. “It's eight in the morning, there's nothing to do…”

“Oh, I had to make some calls” he smiled. “And then I saw those two playing and just decided to stay”

I hummed, nodding softly and taking a sip of the drink, savoring the taste of it. Sweet, just how I like it.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, sitting next to each other in a comfortable silence while watching two wild animals hunt and play, but the voices coming downstairs interrupted that moment of silence.

I felt two arms wrapping my shoulders and a kiss on my cheek, then the scent of Pietra came to my nose.

“Happy birthday!” she giggled, hugging me tighter and chuckling softly.

Max looked at me and did the same she did, kissing the crown of my head and hugging me.

And I felt grateful. They remembered.

“Thank you guys” I smile looking at them and then at Lando.

“Why don't we have breakfast?” Lando asked, getting up and going to the kitchen.

Max and Pietra nodded, but I just stayed on the couch a little more, waiting for the two people left to walk downstairs and do the same as Max and Pietra did.

But my answer came with a moan, followed by another moan, and the sound of a bed moving.

“Fucking hell, are those two really going to spend the week fucking all days?” I heard Max groan.

I sighed, closing my eyes, but the moment I heard Eloise screaming his name I felt a deep stab in my chest.

“Violet”

Lando called me, walking towards me and grabbing my wrist, making me follow him towards the kitchen where Max and Pietra were.

I didn't notice it but my eyes were glassy, the knife was buried deep inside my chest hearing every moan or every sound they made upstairs. 

“Ignore them” Lando whispered. “If they want to stay here all day, fucking until they don't have any other thing to do, it's their problem. But today, we planned something and you are coming with us, okay?”

At which moment Lando started to act like this? Why is he brushing his thumb over the skin of my wrist?  Why did he make me sit on the chair next to him? Why… Why did he buy my favorite coffee and cookies?

“So… what are today's plans?” Max asked, looking at Lando.

“Well, exploring the village, I guess” he said. “I heard there's a nice restaurant and a Christmas market”

I just hummed, looking at my phone. Only a few messages from classmates. 

“Are you okay?” I heard Lando whisper, feeling his hand on my shoulder.

“Ah, yeah… Yeah, I'm fine”

I tried to ignore the pain in my chest, living the present.

I should have never had high expectations on people. I should never put my hopes in no one.

I saw the pain in her eyes the moment she noticed what was happening upstairs. I could even hear her heart breaking.

She was quiet during breakfast, glancing at her phone but letting out frustrated sighs. Pietra tried to cheer her up, talking with her about what they should do at the village, but she wasn't paying attention at all.

If only I had the guts to tell her everything…

“Shall we get ready?” Max asked, looking at me.

I saw the doubt in Violet's eyes, how her throat moved after swallowing thickly. She doesn't want to hear them. And I get it, totally.

“Hey, have this” I said, grabbing my AirPods from the pocket of my hoodie. “I found a song that maybe you'll like”

I saw confusion in her eyes the moment I put the earphones in her ears and connected them to my phone, placing it on the pocket of her hoodie.

And with that I held her wrist and walked upstairs with her. The music was high, just so she couldn't hear them. 

Our bedroom doors were in front of the other, so I changed quickly and waited for her in front of the door.

Maybe I look like a stalker, like someone who is obsessed with her. Maybe I am. Maybe all I want right now is to see her smile, to make her open her eyes and see who loves her dearly, who wants to make her happy.

“Ready?” I asked her when she opened the door. She still has the earphones, listening to the song.

I held her hand. This time, I held her hand and walked downstairs with her, getting out of the house.

“Did you like it?” I asked. “The song”

“O-oh, yeah” she nodded, giving me back my phone and AirPods. “And… Thank you, for doing that”

“I'm here for you” I said.

Max and Pietra walked out immediately, and somehow they were surprised we were already outside.

“Well, we have to go by car” Max said, showing me the keys. 

“Oh, right” I nodded.

The four of us went to the car and in less than ten minutes we were already parked in the village.

Max sat next to me while Pietra and Violet stayed at the backseats. Sometimes I looked back at her, watching how she admired the landscape, how her lips curved upwards on a tiny smile.

I felt my phone vibrating inside the pocket of my hoodie, with messages and calls, but I ignored them. Max started to receive notifications too.

“Ignore him” I whispered when I saw him opening the app. “Don't answer him”

“Lando…” he frowned.

“He did it himself” I whisper. “He's pushing us away, pushing… her. I don't even know why he came. If he wanted to fuck Eloise all day, he could do that back at home”

“Then why did you invite him?” Max frowned, locking the phone and looking at me.

“You know the answer. You know the answers to everything. You know why I'm doing this”

We spent most part of the day there, walking around and discovering the village, going to the market. It was an amazing day, until Harry decided to use his manipulative claws.

“They are asking where we are” she frowned, looking at her phone. “You didn't tell them that we were going to the village?

“Why should I? They were doing other things” I said, not noticing how she stopped walking.

“We left without telling them” she said “We abandoned them”

“No. They abandoned us” I frowned. “They did the same yesterday. How longer are you going to defend them? How longer are you going to act so blindly and let them do whatever they want? Did they say something about your birthday? When are you going to open your eyes?”

Max and Pietra were standing behind us, hearing me, hearing us. As me, they saw how Violet fought the tears, how she clenched her jaw and tried to find words to speak.

“You don't get it…” she mumbled. 

“Why are you letting him manipulate you?” I asked. “Can't you see that? He's using you! Toying with you like a doll whenever he wants and then throwing you away like trash. Open your eyes, Violet! Why are you doing this to yourself?”

“Because I love him!” she exclaimed, with anger in her eyes. 

I knew she did. But hearing herself say that out loud, it felt worse than I expected.

“You don't understand anything, Lando. You don't know me at all, you don't know who I am. So leave me the fuck alone”

“Violet-” Pietra tried to calm her, but she stopped her.

“No” she said, mad. “Leave. Me. Alone. Are you happy, Lando? I heard you were an ass, and I tried to not believe them. But seems that it's true: you love making others feel miserable”

Every word she said was venom thrown to me. 

It was like my feet were frozen, glued to the floor. Max and Pietra felt the same. The three of us saw her run away, and none of us couldn't stop her. None of us saw where she was going.

“What have I done?” I gasped looking at Max and Pietra.

It hurt. It hurt so bad hearing him say those things. It hurt so bad watching how Max and Pietra didn't stop him. They knew, of course they knew.

And what hurt me the most was the fact that I knew he was saying the truth. That I knew what he was talking about. But I never wanted to admit it, I never wanted to admit that I was letting Harry manipulate me.

Why would I? Why would I admit it when I love him? A tiny sparkle of his attention is what makes me happy, right? Watching him smile is what makes me happy…

At which moment I let myself be treated that way? Why did I let myself be manipulated by him? If only I could go back in time and erase the moment I introduced him to Eloise… If only I confessed my feelings those years ago…

My phone started to vibrate. Harry.

“H-Harry…” I said breathless. 

Where am I?

“Where the fuck are all of you? Why the hell did all of you leave us?” 

He's mad. And I can hear Eloise trying to calm him. 

“I… Lando said-”

“Of course it was his idea” he groaned, making me swallow the lump of my throat.“That piece of shit… If I see him I will kill him, I swear!”

“Harry, no…” I tried to calm him. But it was useless.

“You are mine! Do you hear me?! That asshole will see what it is to take what's mine”

He was out of himself, mad. I never saw him like that. Possessive, scary. 

“I'm not yours” I frowned. “You have Eloise”

“What did you say?” he laughed. “Oh, it's that, huh? He finally had the guts to confess his feelings? He took you away from me to finally say he loves you. What a smart move!”

Confess his feelings? He loves me?

“Leave me alone, Harry” I said, swallowing thickly. “You already fucked up my birthday, thank you”

“Violet-”

I ended the call, looking at the screen of my phone in disbelief.

Lando? Does he have feelings for me? He loves me?

No… it can't be. He's wrong. Lando can't have feelings for me. 

What did I do to deserve this? A day that is supposed to be happy, is now painful. A day full of betrayal, of anger, of pain…

Eloise didn't bother to call me. She didn't even try to locate me. Was this part of Harry's plan? He was manipulating me and pushing Eloise away from me? He wants me to be alone… to not have anyone? 

At this point I don't know where I am. Did I run that much to be that far from the market in the middle of the village? I can't even hear the people talking, only the sound of a river and the trees moving with the wind.

“Fuck…” I sighed, looking around and trying to find somewhere to sit.

There is a kids park with benches on it, barely lighted by the street lights. But that's better than nothing. Maybe I should go back to the house, or call someone… But who? Harry is furious, Max and Pietra? Lando? And how am I going to face them now? How am I going to face Kandi knowing that he loves me and that he knows I love Harry? Why do I even love Harry? Lando was right… I'm so blind.

So that's why he started to act like that with me yesterday? Because he wanted to confess his feelings for me, he wanted to be close to me.

At this point I have too many questions…

“Violet!”

Is someone calling me? I looked around, trying to find who was calling me. But I only saw snow floating in the air. When did it start? I've been so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice how cold my body was.

“Violet!”

That voice again. It was coming closer and closer every second.

“Violet” 

It's close, I can hear it. 

“There you are” he was behind me, the sound of his shoes walking through the snow were behind me. 

“Lando” I whisper, turning around and looking at him.

“I've been looking for you” he smiled and somehow his gaze softened. 

“Where are Max and Pietra?” I asked, standing up and suddenly wrapping my arms around him. I need warmth, I feel so cold.

“Back at the house” he said, hugging me and holding me close to him. “In case you went there walking… But thank God I found you”

“I'm sorry… I'm so sorry, you were right” I whisper, trying to stay calm. “You are right. Harry…”

“It's okay. But don't talk, yeah? You are freezing” he said. “Let's go, we should sleep here somewhere…”

“What, why?” I frown. Sleep here? In a hotel? With him?

“It's snowing a lot, Violet. It's too dangerous to ask Max to come for us” he sighed. 

“I'm sorry for acting this childish” I whisper, feeling how he pulled away and held my hand, putting it in the pocket of his coat to keep me close. 

“And I'm sorry for talking to you like that. You were right too, I'm an asshole”

“No, you tried to open my eyes and all I did was insult you” I mumbled, looking at our hands, how he held mine tightly inside of his pocket. “And I did… I did open my eyes, I'm sorry it took me too much time”

“Better late than never, hm?” 

We walked for a while until we were back at the center of the village. Only now I noticed how wet my clothes were because of the snow, how much I was trembling because of the cold. He guided us to the hotel that was there, right in front of the big Christmas tree.

“Is there a way of reserving two single rooms tonight?” Lando asked. 

“I'm sorry, we only have one tonight from a couple that left not long ago…” the receptionist said and I just laughed.

“How cliche” I whisper, making Lando sigh. “It's okay, I don't mind”

“Are you sure?” he whispered. “I can sleep on the couch, okay? I don't mind”

“No, no… it's… it's okay” I nodded.

It was silent, the way towards the elevator and to the room. Lando is not holding my hand anymore, he walks in front of me with the keycard in his hand, opening the door.

“So… there's a big bed” he said. 

“Yeah I can see it” I nodded, standing next to him.

“You know what? Go take a shower to get warm, hm? I'll go out to grab some warm clothes and something for dinner”

I couldn't even answer him before he walked out of the room, leaving me alone in the middle of it.

Is this really happening? What type of joke is this? Now what am I going to do knowing that he might have feelings for me?

taglist

@elisysd @racinggirl @ninifee1802 @kakorrhaphiphobia @landoyesrizz @lorarri @bellwhysomean @leptitlu @aphroditeisamilf @brekkers-whore @copper-boom @sideboobrry11 @alltoomaples @f1madison @elijahslover

[torialefay]

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 12)

✨ possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t checked out the previous chapters!

✨wc: ~5.5k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? obsession? angst and future smut??? a little fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time, smut!!!! 🔞

————————————————————————————

Previous Chapter Recap:

“What is it with her? I don’t know what kind of game she’s playing, but trust me, you’ll want to get out of it. Don’t come crying to me when you realize that.”

“What are you talking about?” Chan responded, crossing his brows.

“Listen, we can sit here and play ‘fake nice’ all we want, but we all know what I said about her earlier was true. From personal experience, trust me when I say I know what she’s up to with him. He may be your friend, but I promise you, I know way more about what he does than you do. You can paint Y/N as whatever character you want, but at the end of the day, she’s just his sloppy seconds. At least I have the courage to say it to her.”

Chan felt his head begin to spin. What did she mean by that? Sloppy seconds?

“Please, just go,” was all Chan could respond with.

After standing and observing him for a few more seconds, Jenna finally crosses her arms and huffed. “Whatever, but just know that you better not play favorites tomorrow. It would be pretty embarrassing on your end.” She gave one final eyebrow raise before turning on her heels to jet out the door.

Chan could do nothing but stand there, desperately trying to make sense of the information she’d given him.

—————————————————————————————

Note: Character relations you can refer back to if needed.

Y/n- Changbin’s mentee

Anna- best friend, Felix’s mentee

Kara- Seungmin’s mentee

Sunnie- Han’s mentee

Mindi- Hyunjin’s mentee

Nisha- Lee Know’s mentee

Alyssa- Jeongin’s mentee

Jenna- Chan’s mentee

—————————————————————————————

Friday, 10 PM

Y/N’s POV:

You smiled a big goofy smile while kicking your feet up in bed.

“Quit texting Jungkook and go to sleep,” you heard Anna yell playfully from the other bed.

“I’m just saying goodnight,” you replied, bringing your voice up and sticking your tongue out at her.

At that, you started to blush, but not necessarily from embarrassment. More from not being able to swallow down the fluttery feelings that were coming from your stomach. This was all too good to be true.

Well you did. Everyone did. They planned another group dinner for everyone to go to. Although you weren’t sure how well it would go after everyone is getting evaluated tomorrow. You were praying to the gods that everyone did well and there’d be no drama afterwards.

‘Who knows, I could get so torn up after tomorrow that I don’t even make it to eat.’

You let out a lovey-dovey sigh before resting your phone on the bed next to you. Feeling full suddenly- full on what, you weren’t sure- you grabbed onto your pillow and held it tightly to your chest. You squeezed and squeezed, never wanting to forget the way you did in this moment. With so much hope.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 5 PM

Y/N’s POV:

Your heart had been pounding so rigorously that you were sure you’d pass out. Thud after thud after thud in your chest. But all of that stopped once the curtains rose and the lights hit you. Both you and Anna had been dolled up by the makeup team to the point that you barely recognized yourself. You looked good and felt good. All you had to do now was make the performance good. You zoned out and let yourself fall into the song.

Before you knew it, you were belting every note, hitting every motion, and harmonizing perfectly with Anna. For those three and a half minutes, the two of you focused solely on bringing the emotions out of the other and letting yourself truly melt into the role. It wasn’t until you’d both hit the final, ending high note that you allowed yourself to fall out of it and see what was going on around you.

There were claps already erupting from around the stage. Your peers had all jumped up at the ending note and were cheering you both on as you followed it out, finishing strong. You watched in shock as you registered the judging panel in front of you, consisting of JYP, Chan, and two men you’d seen before with the show but hadn’t remembered their names. JYP himself was giving you a standing ovation. Chan’s eyes were fixated on you.

You and Anna looked at each other giddily, as if you’d already been given the best news you could ever receive. You both scooted closer to each other to grab hands and squeeze, bringing your hands up and then back down for a large bow. It was cheesy, but fitting, you thought. You both smiled big at each other as you waited for the cheers to calm.

“Good job,” Anna mouthed to you with the biggest, whitest smile you’d ever seen.

“You too,” you smiled back.

“Girls,” JYP started jovially, holding both of his arms out. “That was just wonderful. Really really wonderful. I mean…” he brought his hands back in so he could clap them together again. “You know, I normally sit up here and tell people what I need to see from them to be able to make them an idol. What they could do better on. But you girls…” he dropped his head down with a soft chuckle. He shook his head in disbelief. “You girls are already there,” he grinned, looking you both in the eyes. “I have nothing else,” he said, looking down at the panel of the other judges. “I loved it. It was beautiful. It was heartfelt. It was everything I could have hoped for it to be. I’ve got nothing,” he commented happily before taking his seat again. He motioned his arm out toward the three beside him.

Chan was next in line. For some reason, he looked like he was about to puke. Wasn’t it you who should be doing that?

He couldn’t take his eyes off of you, not for a second. He just continued to look. Continued to stare until it was almost uncomfortable.

Finally, he coughed something up. “I agree. You could tell there was a lot of emotion put into it. From both of you,” he looked back and forth between you and Anna before resting back on you. “It was a really good performance, and I’m really proud of how hard you both have worked.” He ended with a small grin, finally prying his eyes from your frame.

You didn’t have a moment to think before the next two judges began to speak. One noted how personable the song was, while the other said that he only wished you’d both been a little less fluid with your movements (whatever that meant). Overall, you were both elated and clung to each other excitedly as you exited the stage to watch the rest of the performances.

Kara had paired with Mindi, giving a traditional “cutesy” girl group vibe, which the judges said wasn’t very original but was very well executed. Nisha and Sunnie performed a super empowering song that had a lot of sexy elements to it, which really stood out and they were highly praised for it with only a few criticisms. You giggled as you watched Chan try to give constructive criticism in a way that wouldn’t sound mean. You could tell he hated having to give any feedback at all. Jenna and Alyssa also performed very well, as much as you hated to admit it. Their song was strong. Stronger than you’d expected. But then again, you couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was Chan’s doing. They did have some negative comments on shaky vocals, but overall it was a good evaluation. As much as you weren’t a fan of the two girls (Jenna mostly, Alyssa was really just guilty by association), you were glad that everyone did seemingly well, and you could have a nice day off tomorrow with no drama.

“Will all of you please come back on the stage?” JYP had announced once each group had been evaluated. Satisfied, you rose from your seat and headed up the stairs to stand back in the spotlight that lit the center of the platform.

“I must say…” JYP continued, looking down at a note pad. “I’m very impressed with this group. You’ve come a long way in such a short amount of time… Normally, this would be the point that I would have to really sit here and think about who has what it takes to carry on.” He cleared his throat. “But after watching your performances, I don’t think I will have to make that decision today. I would like to continue each of you in this program,” he smiled.

You watched as the girls, all lined up in a row exchanged looks and animated smiles left and right. You sent a congratulatory one with a nod as well. As your eyes fell back on the panel of judges, you watched as Chan’s eyes settled onto your face, his expression softening as he gave you a big grin. It was the first time in a long time that you caught a glimpse of the Channie you thought you knew.

“Now, the judges and I have already commented on what you need to work on. I want you to take the day off tomorrow to relax and reset, but please keep in mind what you need to work on. I hope to see improvement by your next evaluation.” He gave one final smile before bowing slightly. You all mirrored his actions, going into deep bows as your signal that the assessment was complete.

You hugged some of the girls necks as you exchanged “congratulations” and compliments on how well they performed. To your luck, Jenna had already left the stage and you wouldn’t be forced to exchange any performative words. All of the SKZ boys followed suit and joined the group of you that had congregated on the stage.

“There’s my mentee,” Changbin said excited, rushing up behind you. He shook your shoulders gently before giving you a hug. “You did so good!!!” Bin was an expressive guy, but this was the most excited you’d ever seen him.

You laughed out loud at his enthusiasm as you hugged him back, gripping him tightly. “Thanks Binnie, I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“I know that’s right,” he said jokingly as he pulled his arms away.

To your left, Felix had found Anna and was exchanging the same compliments. They both turned to you as Changbin addressed the whole group.

“I shouldn’t say it, but I don’t care. The guys were all so impressed with you two. Everyone said your song was the best one of the night… Don’t tell anyone else I said that though,” Bin said, looking around to see if anyone had overheard him, still giggly. “I feel like a proud parent,” he added, all giddy.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell,” Anna said, reaching in to give Changbin a hug too.

“The part he’s leaving out is where he definitely tried to take all the credit,” Felix laughed.

“Hey! That is not what happened!” Changbin laugh-yelled back.

“Oh really Binnie? Are you sure? That doesn’t sound like you at alllll,” you joked sarcastically, smiling at him to let him know you were just playing.

“No, no, what I said was… Well I did agree that it was because of me, I guess he’s right, but I was KIDDING,” Changbin defended himself.

“Don’t worry, I let them know you guys really just have massive talent and that it didn’t have anything to do with me or this meathead,” Felix lightly slapped Changbin on the head.

As the two continued to bicker, you felt two fingers tap the back of your shoulder. You almost couldn’t believe it when you spun around to see Chan standing in front of you, still with a big beaming grin on his face.

“You did really good out there. I know I already said it on stage, but I wanted to tell you personally,” he offered up. He sounded almost… hopeful?

“Thank you,” you smiled at him, still unsure what to make of his change in demeanor.

“Yeah, of course,” Chan cleared his throat. “Umm, I was wondering if you were going to the dinner after this? With everyone?”

What is he up to?

“Yeah, I’ll be there,” you answered cheerily, acting like nothing about this exchange was strange at all.

“Okay cool, I was gonna go too. I guess I’ll see you there then, yeah?”

“Sure, I’ll see ya there,” you replied with a smile.

‘Well if that wasn’t one of the weirdest and most forced conversations I’ve had…’ you thought as Chan walked off. ‘Maybe he realized he doesn’t have to be so hard on me, so he’d easing off a bit?’ It didn’t make sense, but you decided that nothing in your life really did over these past couple of weeks.

You used the opportunity of silence to grab your phone from your pocket and text Jungkook the name of the restaurant and around what time you thought you’d be ready for him to pick you up. You couldn’t wait for him to talk about what was going on with Chan. See if maybe this is what he’d been talking about.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 8:16 PM

Y/N’s POV:

You doubled over laughing as Kara opened her mouth wide, panting, before grabbing her glass of water to chug. Seungmin had bet her 20,000 won that she wouldn’t be able to down the entire gob of wasabi that was on her plate. Apparently, he was wrong, and now Kara was 20,000 won richer. She definitely had tears forming in her eyes, but at least she got something out of it.

A waiter came over, brining a large bottle of soju and several shot glasses.

“Ahhhh, thank you,” Changbin said, accepting the items graciously before turning toward the group. “Alright, let’s get this party started, ah?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows up.

“Changbin rich,” you heard Lee Know call from the other side of the group. You didn’t know much about soju, but from examining the bottle, it seemed to be one of the higher-end brands.

“Only the best for my team of winners!” he exclaimed jokingly.

The group had a laugh and a few more jabs before beginning to talk amongst themselves as Changbin began pouring the liquid into each glass. You turned your phone over on the table to check the time.

’Damn, it’s almost 8:30.’ The time you’d told Jungkook to pick you up. You didn’t quite feel like drinking anyway, so you weren’t too bothered. You were sure you wouldn’t mind once you got to be with Jungkook.

“Hey Bin, I’ve gotta leave soon, so I’m not gonna drink, okay?” you stated, still wanting confirmation.

Changbin paused from sending another shot glass down the row of people. “Come on, not even one shot? Just one? Then we can let you go,” Changbin pleaded with puppy dog eyes.

You shook your head smiling. “Okay fineeee, I guess one won’t kill me,” you gave in.

“Woo woo,” Felix said, fist bumping the air. He’d already downed a bottle of soju during dinner and you could tell he was feeling the effects. A few of the others, including Chan, had gotten drinks as well… and boy, did it show. Talk about lightweights.

Once Changbin finished passing the glasses, he turned to Chan. “Would our leader like to lead us in a toast?”

Chan, obviously feeling a bit looser than before, put on a big smile as he held up his glass. “To the best mentors and mentees in all of Korea,” he said sloppily, giggling lightly at himself.

Everyone raised their glasses in unison, clinking them together before throwing their heads back and to the side to knock down the shot.

As soon as you felt the burn in your throat, you intently disciplined yourself to not gag for fear it would actually come back up. Instead, you coughed a bit.

“Jesus, how strong is this?!” you questioned, looking at Changbin. You watched as he spun the bottle around to read the label.

“35%,” he said with big eyes.

You knew it. That shit was double the alcohol content of what you’d normally get in soju.

“So you basically made me do two shots instead of one,” you said with a smirk.

“To be honest, I didn’t know. I just knew it was fancy, so I ordered it,” he admitted… to no one’s surprise.

“Give me another,” Chan said, reaching his glass over to rest in front of Changbin.

“Woah, woah slow down,” Changbin said. “I was thinking about starting a drinking game.”

“Okay, well give me another, and then we’ll start the game,” Chan said again, definitely feeling lighter.

“Oooo Channie-hyung is going all in tonight!” Felix laughed. “Give me one too!” he said before reaching his glass in next to Chan’s.

“Okay, okay,” Changbin said as he began filling the glasses. “But I’m not taking care of either of you if you get sick tonight!”

“Hell, I’ll take care of him if it means I get to experience the fucked up version of Chan,” Seungmin teased.

You checked your phone one final time before seeing the numbers 8:27 flash across your screen. “Alright guys, I’d better go,” you said, ready to stand. Everyone returned back their small waves and goodbyes.

“Be careful! What are you rushing off to anyway?” Felix asked as he knocked his drink back.

“Oh I’m just going to see a friend,” you said, playing off the embarrassment you felt by standing up.

“Ooooo,” Kara said teasingly. “Anyone special?” she winked.

“No,” you rolled your eyes as you smiled, trying to sound light-hearted. “Now,” you said, taking a step back and to the side. “You all be good and please don’t get too crazy. Someone watch over these two,” you laughed, pointing at Chan and Felix.

After waving goodbye, you stooped down to whisper to Anna. “Remember I’m just gonna be with Jungkook. Please text me later when you get home. I just wanna know you made it safe.”

“You know I’ll be fine,” he smiled, leaning in to give you a hug.

As you turned to leave, you heard Chan’s voice behind you. “Wait! Y/n, are you walking alone?”

You turned back shyly, wishing he hadn’t asked. “Oh, uh no-“ you stumbled a bit. “No, I’m just gonna wait outside for my ride.”

“Well here,” Chan said, springing up from his seat and rushing over to where you stood. “I’ll wait with you. Don’t want you to have to be alone,” he slurred. His cheeks were flushed pink from the alcohol. You knew that that’s what all of this had to be about. He was already drunk.

“Chan really, it’s okay,” you said, holding your hands up to let him know he could back away.

“No, no I insist,” he said dramatically, linking his arm in yours before beginning to pull you towards the door. You found his newfound antics funny and laughed happily as you waved a final goodbye to your friends. You followed willingly as Chan led you through the door and outside to the cold air, where you had hoped Jungkook would already be waiting on you.

As you stood for a moment looking around, his car was nowhere to be found and no text yet. So there you stood in the silence with Chan. Great.

“So where are you going?” Chan asked, still clinging to your arm, his voice sounding free and without a care in the world.

“Oh nowhere really.” You wondered for a moment if you could use this time to be level-headed with him. “Why the sudden interest?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve always had interest,” he looked off, sounding more serious now. “Really, where are you going?” he stared into your eyes.

“Well, if you must know, I’m actually going to hang out with Jungkook… Sorry if this is weird,” you backed away from him for a moment. “I know he’s your friend. I don’t know if he’s said anything but…” you looked down before looking back up, putting a hopeful smile on your face.

When Chan didn’t respond, only looking off, you took that as your cue to keep talking. Was he really shocked? You tried to mull it over. “Thank you for introducing us by the way. He’s a really cool guy. I can see why you guys are friends,” you offered up a sheepish smile.

You watched as Chan stumbled a bit, trying to take a step toward you to link arms with you once again. “That’s what I was afraid of. Listen Y/N,” he leaned in closer. “Just be careful with him. He’s uhh… He’s a good friend, you know? But he can be a bit persuasive sometimes.” He whispered at the last part.

“What are you talking about?”

“I just don’t want you getting into anything you can’t get out of… Or feel like there’s anything you have to do for him. That’s all,” Chan looked at you deep in your eyes. You recognized the look he was giving you. It was pity… and maybe a bit of condescendence?

“Do you think I’m-?” You stopped for a moment, backing up from Chan once more. You let out a laugh in disbelief. “You think I’m fucking Jungkook?” You shook your head, irritated smile on your face, as you watched Chan’s face go blank. Like he didn’t expect you to come out and say the actual words.

“Seems like you’ve been talking to Jenna quite a bit, huh? It’s her word and now that’s what everybody thinks of me. Unbelievable,” you turned around, letting out a laugh in frustration.

“No, no, I mean…” Chan started, stumbling a bit towards you. “I mean you don’t need to go with him. You need to come with me instead. You don’t know him.” Chan was slurring to the point that you couldn’t take him seriously, but goddamn if it didn’t set you off. You felt your face flash red and your heart shatter all in the same second.

“Come home with you instead? Really? That’s what this is about?” You didn’t even know what else to say. Your feelings were crushed. Now that Jenna had branded you as the “local whore”, that’s what Chan wanted. That’s why he’d come outside with you. You could barely stand to breathe the same air as him.

“You’re drunk Chris,” you yelled, your eyes tearing up. You couldn’t find another way to explain it. “You’re drunk! You need to go back inside!”

You turned to look as a set of bright lights began to shine behind you. As it inched closer, you could make out the Mercedes logo of Jungkook’s car. You almost breathed a sigh of relief before Chan interrupted.

“No really! I’m fine! But,” he looked at the car that was now put in park behind you. “But, just listen to me. It’s not what you think it is, please just don’t go with him! I need to talk to you… alone!” he pled, his voice going in and out as he swayed back and forth. You felt a tear streaming down your cheek.

All of this for what?

“Go back inside,” you threatened, not caring now if the tears spilled out as you came closer to him. “Jungkook warned me you could be like this,” you threw at him through gritted teeth, quieter now. “And he never once made me feel like a slut.”

You hurriedly turned on your heels and rushed around the side of Jungkook’s car to throw yourself into the passenger’s seat. You didn’t want to give Chan the chance to get another single word in. Tears streamed down your face as you entered, greeting Jungkook with only the look of grief.

“Oh my god, Y/N, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Jungkook asked, pulling his face closer to yours to examine it.

“I’ll be fine,” you choked out. “Please just get me out of here.”

He took one more hard look at you before nodding and putting his car into gear.

———————————————————————

Saturday, 9:10 PM

Y/N’s POV:

The tears had finally stopped as Jungkook did everything he could to calm you down. He was so patient, listening intently as you ranted to him. You made sure to start from the top, including Jenna and what she’d said to you yesterday. The rumors that were going around about you. How Chan had been acting like a douche, but tonight, he suddenly wanted you to stay with him.

Jungkook nodded and held onto your hand through every sentence. He listened with so much conviction, like every word you said was the most fascinating thing he’d ever heard. It was the most endearing thing you’d ever seen. And the most “seen” you’d felt since… well, since before Chan was like this.

He pulled you into his chest for a hug as you tried to stifle the last of your sniffles. You hands clung onto his back before running down it and falling flat onto the padded cushions of his couch. His original plan had been to take you for ice cream, but that was out of the question with the state you were in. You’d asked if you could come to his apartment so you’d actually have somewhere to go instead of crying in a car.

“I’m sorry that you’re having to go through all of this because of me,” Jungkook confided, sadness welling up in his eyes. “I feel so guilty.”

“No, no,” you reassured him. “None of this is because of you.” Another big sniffle in. “It’s because of… I don’t know, people who are too bored with their own lives?”

“Yeah maybe,” he smiled. “It’s not easy to be with me, and I know that. So thank you,” he smiled shyly.

“To be with you? As in…” you trailed off, your stomach beginning to somersault inside of you.

“As in- oh,” he blushed, looking down for a moment. “Sorry, I guess I can get carried away sometimes… I don’t want to make you feel like you have to rush into anything with me. I just meant…” he tried to backtrack, “it’s not easy to be seen with me I guess.”

As if the adoration you had for this man could get any bigger… You felt your heart swell up.

“You know,” you said quietly, grabbing again for his hand to intertwine your fingers with his. “I don’t think I’d mind ‘being with you’ though…” you smirked, looking up at him.

He let out a small laugh. “Oh really?” he teased, squeezing your hand. He leaned himself slightly into you, close enough that you could feel his breath on your neck as he smiled. “Well if that’s the case, that means I’d get to kiss you all I want, doesn’t it?” he whispered before placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

You felt your heart speed up. “I guess it would,” you breathed, trying unsuccessfully to hold in a smile. Your eyes flickered between his eyes and his mouth.

He mirrored you right back as he leaned in to press his lips to yours, as gently as if you’d imagined it. When you started to melt into him, he threw his mouth into you further, moving it with much more force as his hands held your face steady. You gasped as you felt his tongue run across your bottom lip, begging for entrance. You met him with your own tongue, intertwining it with his and letting it run across every inch of his mouth. You let your hands run through his hair, grappling for any part of him you could get. You could feel yourself getting worked up at the core as you groaned into him, the kiss getting deeper and deeper.

You savored the feeling of him beginning to pull on your hair with the most delicious amount of pressure. You moaned, suddenly not able to handle it anymore. In one quick swoop, you hoisted yourself up, throwing one leg over JK so that you were straddling him. He smiled into the kiss at your new position, letting his hands run up and down your waist. You made quick work of throwing one arm around his neck, the other resting on his chest as you used your new leverage to lead the kiss.

You took your time with him, feeling out every curve of his mouth with your tongue, mapping every inch so you’d never forget it. You could feel nothing anymore except for being lost in the space he encompassed. You only wanted him, all of him.

Without thinking, you instinctively began grinding your hips into him, lightly at first. Relishing in the small smile that had come over his lips, your mouth fought its way to stay attached to him.

Jungkook let his hands roam from your waist to trail lightly up and down your back. He followed every arch and every bow with so much precision that you could still feel him seconds later. As you began to grind your hips more forcefully, his hands slipped down further and further, tracing along the dimples at the bottom of your spine before settling on your ass. He held you there, pulled taught to his own body, as if it was the only correct thing in the world.

All thoughts were out the window as the wetness built up at your core, freely letting yourself grind down onto Jungkook’s growing bulge. You moaned as he moved his lips down to bite lightly at your neck, peppering down until he reached the base. The swirl of his tongue on your exposed skin was almost enough to send you over the edge. You ran a hand through his hair, using it to tilt his head even further into you, confirmation that you’d take as much as he would give you. He responded with a harder suck, letting his hands grab tightly to your ass to massage it as he pleased.

With each grind you felt yourself getting more worked up, and before you knew it, you were throbbing. Both you and Jungkook began panting heavily as you went harder and harder, leaving no room between you to breathe. You felt Jungkook’s hips buck up the slightest bit to get more friction, earning a breathy moan from you in response. He continued over and over again until you couldn’t take it anymore. You let your hand run down his body, from his neck, all the way down to just over his pants, where you rested your hand until…

Wait.

Wait.

You stilled yourself as you pulled your lips back from Jungkook’s face and moved your hands to his arms. “I can’t,” you breathed.

“You can’t what?” Jungkook asked, looking up at you with eyes that were still lost in a daze, his hair tousled in every direction.

“I can’t do this. We can’t do this,” you let out a huffy sigh, full of desperation.

“I can’t… kiss you?” Jungkook asked again, his eyebrows crossing in confusion.

“No, I mean we can’t… take this farther,” you whispered, pulling yourself from him. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t,” you let yourself fall to the side of his lap so that you were no longer straddling him.

It wasn’t that anything about this moment was less than perfect. Because it- no, he- was everything you could have asked for. But you didn’t want to sleep with him before you were even together… officially.

You knew how your heart worked. If you slept with him, you’d get too attached. There would be no going back for you. And if/when things didn’t work out, you’d only be hurt more. You couldn’t do that to yourself.

You also couldn’t deny that the rumors about you had gotten to your head. It was nobody’s business, and you knew that, but still. You couldn’t help but to want to distance yourself from it.

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Jungkook said empathetically, turning his entire body to face yours. “I would never want you to do something that you aren’t ready for. I mean, I was more than happy with just kissing you,” he smiled.

His response put a soft smile on your face in reciprocation. “Yeah, I was pretty happy with that too,” you blushed, looking down.

He grabbed one of your hands back in his own, like he’d done so many times. Another light squeeze as he stared into your eyes.

“Do you think that you’d be ready for more between us though? Not sex. Just us… as in together?” He swallowed hard as you paused for a moment, shocked that you were really having this conversation. “I know it’s a big thing to think about,” he added.

When you’d told Jungkook that you wouldn’t mind being with him, you’d meant for it to be more flirty than serious. But this… this was serious.

You grinned as you came back from being locked into that moment of time, back to reality. But now, reality was like your fantasies, and your fantasies were your reality. Your head felt like it was floating.

“I think I could get used to it,” you beamed, still in a quiet tone.

You watched as all of the worries visibly melted off of Jungkook’s face. His eyes now shining bright with hope, stupid grin plastered on his face.

“In that case,” he started, letting his body reflexively move closer to you, “I’d really like to make this official. Y/N, will you be my girlfriend?”

———————————————————

✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 13

✨ if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

✨ check out my masterlist for more!

Tags: @lailac13 @freyjhasdesiredreality @shellyyy177 @enzos-shit

[runespoor7]

I mean obviously I’m am going to ask you about chengxian, for the ask meme

What made you ship it?

It was the most interesting relationship in the book. I'm a sucker for childhood friends with broken promises, for grief, for misunderstandings over loyalty and love, and for relationships whose resolution in canon is bittersweet.

It still took some time and effort before I started really shipping it. I was theoretically open to shipping it but I hadn't yet read fics that really sold me on it (this was in 2019, I think). Then as an experiment I put a WWX-inspired character in the setting I was GMing for the JC and JYL NPC stand-ins to have him to play off of. Turned out I did ship them.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

😬

*wide, helpless, expansive gesture*

It's never simple with them. It's always fraught. They love one another but they also resent one another. Hunting demonic cultivators is about WWX still maybe being alive. Maybe JC can bring himself to kill WWX this time, or maybe he can find a way to bring WWX back home and forgive him. WWX promises to be with JC but he ends up promising that he won't stay ("like my father served your father") but he didn't mean it with an end. the mess that is the fraughtness of WWX's liminal space when it comes to his social rank.

love hurts, what hurts is love.

the fact that the one 'leading' is WWX, not JC, going against the accepted social order. (tbh, if that wasn't the case, I probably wouldn't be into the ship.) it paints such a picture of WWX being so charismatic, and JC being so taken with him, that JC falls into being WWX's sidekick. no wonder YZY was awful about it.

JC keeping Chenqing like a mad dog and keeping Lotus Pier WWX-safe. I. god. JC rating WWX's attention >>>>>>>>>>>>> JC's self-respect every time, in every way. Amazing.

it's incredible to me how WWX asks JYL about love in a scene framed in a manner to make it subtextually point in the direction of LWJ (it's mdzs; the canon pair in mdzs is wgxn; there are no - explicit - love triangles in mdzs; and yet even WWX's original crush on LWJ is, uh. informed by JC and how WWX is with JC and the fact that LWJ is New and Not The Son of WWX's Benefactor. this is normal.), where it's apparent that WWX is scared of being in love because it changes how you act, it's a limit, it's a cage, you're limiting yourself for someone else - and then WWX does something for JC that is everything he was scared of.

and it does ruin him! it's terrible! so his romance with LWJ is everything his feelings for JC weren't. He's not the one doing the protecting. LWJ doesn't question him. There are no expectations of anything, no discussions of the future, no thoughts of society. LWJ is just such a comfort, just a good thing WWX gets because he wants it. Also LWJ isn't emotionally taxing af (this is a big one). (WWX kinda ends up YZY-ing himself at the end of the book but I'm not thinking about that.)

WWX's utter toxicity toward JC. not a iota of respect for either JC or JC's boundaries to be found, except when convenient for WWX.

they both really, really believe that WWX is better than JC in every way. it's very cool

look. i'm a simple person. arrogant genius jerk/grumpy dutiful tsundere otp.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

I love the joke that chengxian isn't incest but both of them wish it were, but I think the only time one of them wished they were brothers was JC when he decided to sacrifice himself for WWX and he was lying in bed making morbid jokes. At least sacrificing yourself for your brother who is the better cultivator and can lead the sect would be simple. Forgivable. Good.

I also think they might grow to think of one another as brothers at some point post-canon, that's a sort of reconciliation that might happen, but to me it's key that during canon they don't know what they are to one another, they just know they're scarily, terrifyingly important, and there's no word for what they are to one another.

JC refused shixiong-shidi (in a shocking reversal of their normal dynamic, I think he forgot he did that and spent roughly two decades feeling insecure and weird that WWX doesn't call him shidi) and they can be nothing else, socially speaking. The love that dare not speak its name, if you would. And at that same time post-canon they could also decide that what they're to each other is that WWX used to be in love with JC, and maybe JC still is, and they're not brothers. Or maybe both! The point is, the definition of their relationship is uncharted waters and they never thought of each other as 'brothers' (much less called each other that).

2) WWX is incredibly bitter and resentful of giving his core to JC and that colors everything he thinks and says about JC afterwards, including after he's returned to life. Basically, he gave, and gave, and gave, and felt there was no gratitude, and he's unable to live the life he wanted, unable to reap the promises life made him, and JC isn't any more agreeable or tractable than before (less so, in fact!). It's not fair.

[lurkingshan]

Japanese QL Corner

ICYMI: There are so many Japanese qls airing weekly, so I’m going to start posting this little round up at the end of each week. Most of these shows are on Gaga and I highly recommend watching!

Chaser Game W

We've reached the stage with this one where I'm just gonna say we should keep watching for the ratings and enjoy the pretty gifs.

Tsukuritai Onna to Tabetai Onna 2

I got to watch episodes 5-8 of the new season this week, and I promptly lost my mind over how good this show is. It somehow got even better between seasons; the creators have some things to say about the experiences of women under heterosexual patriarchy. I already wrote about Kasuga's family trauma storyline and how much it meant to me, but these episodes also gave us Nomoto's ongoing queer awakening and journey to define her sexuality, the introduction of a new queer bestie in Yako, a better understanding of Nagumo and the careful and steady deepening of her relationship with the gals, a new confidant for Kasgua in Fujita, and Nomoto and Kasuga inching ever closer to defining what they are to each other. The world of the show and the support network around our leads continues to expand, and I am loving every moment. This drama is excellent and I cannot implore you enough to go to @furritsubs and catch up.

My Strawberry Film

Kicking off the last Drama Shower show of the season! This is a high school story featuring a classic trio—the Pining Gay, the Chaos Bisexual, and the Budding Lesbian. Obviously, I love them. I like the mood of this one—it's quite a tonal shift from the last show in this series—and the color grading is blue, blue, blue. And there's a mystery afoot as they try to track down the beautiful girl captured on film. Looking forward to more!

Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka

I continue to love this show, though I am not entirely sure how I feel about the turn things took with Mizuki this week. I did not really want this to go the full blown love triangle route; I am more interested in a version of this story where Sakae and Soga try to figure out these adult complications from the foundation of being in a relationship, not with the constant interference of a third party. So few dramas are willing to get the couple together early and let them face things together rather than constantly playing the will they, won't they game, and I was hoping Sukidoya was going to be one of them. That said, I like that Mizuki is sticking around in the story because he's an interesting character, and I like the conflict with Soga's job (we have a preponderance of Japanese shows about unreasonable work conditions airing atm) and the temporary nature of his time in Osaka. That he's worried about eventually leaving tells you all you need to know about how much he likes and respects Sakae. If he felt casual about him he would not be worried about complications that far down the timeline. Let's see where they take this love triangle thing next week; I'm hoping it will be brief.

Perfect Propose

Great episode this week, and I love the way they continue to deepen the backstory for these two. Hiro being the first person to need Kai rather than pity him makes so much sense for their dynamic and why Kai would be so attached to him. And of course, when Kai returns the situation is the same; Hiro definitely still needs him. I love that they took a source of shame for Hiro and turned it into a reason why he and Kai are so compatible. Kai wants to take care of him—and he's not the only one! Loved seeing Hiro's coworkers express concern for his well-being and recognize how this job is grinding him down and breaking his spirit. It was so validating to hear from another high performer that the job is miserable and he should quit. It has nothing to do with failure; as Kaneko said, it's about seeking the life he truly wants. He sees Hiro's talent and knows he will not be able to flourish in this hellish work environment, and I thought it was so kind and compassionate of him to try to help Hiro see that. Also shoutout to Hiyori for sitting her ass back down and missing the last train when she realized prime gossip was about to arrive to her table, she's just like me fr.

Ossan's Love Returns

We are clearly in the drama spiral for the season now, and this show seems to be coming for my beloved Kurosawa. Thanks, I hate it! But the show found its humor again this week even as the sad plotlines for the side characters continued, and I was very happy to see it back in top form. I loved this story with Maki and Haruta caring for Goro for the week, and how it affirmed for them that they are actually not interested in having children. I told @bengiyo and @twig-tea when we saw last week's preview that Maki seemed like the type who wouldn't like children, and I was glad to see that affirmed by the show, and crucially, that he didn't change his mind via the power of Goro's cuteness. Not all people want to be parents, and it's so nice and refreshing to see a loving couple decide they just want to focus on each other, and that you can like kids and spend time with them without needing to have one of your own. I loved, too, that we got some focus on Chizu's struggles as a single mom, and her family rallied around her and made it clear she has support. Takegawa's sudden not-at-all-selfishly-motivated interest in polyamory was hilarious, as was Chief's journey to figure out what was causing his stress—until it wasn't, of course. I was glad Chuoko was with him when he got the news. And I am really hoping that rooftop kiss was Kiku's goodbye, and we will be seeing him move on from Izumi soon.

Bonus: Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai 

Shoutout to @my-rose-tinted-glasses for giffing this show and reminding me I still hadn't seen it! It was not accessible to me back when it came out and it fell off my radar for awhile. I watched today and thought it was just delightful. A short, sweet, warm hug of a friends to lovers high school bl with two very lovable leads. I highly recommend checking it out.

[stxrvel]

not my one

summary: bucky was in love with you, from the bones to the tips of his hair, and life would be perfect for him if it weren't for the fact that you had just gotten engaged to Steve.

pairing: (bucky barnes x) f!reader x steve rogers

words: 4k

warnings: some bad words, bucky regretting a lot of things, bucky suffers a lot, reader is not aware of anything, miscommunication, bucky can be unfair to those around him. love triangle?¿ also angst. like i said before, there's no happy endings in this account.

note: hi! i had this in my drafts too for days until my inspiration strike again, and also only by leehi was playing on repeat on my headphones while writing this. if you want a full experience, i highly recommend you to listen to that song while reading. there's something in using a love song to write a heartbreaking story. anyway, i hope you all like this!! and i dont know when ill see you again so i really hope you guys enjoy this one. feedback is always appreciated! <3

So… Bucky knew it was wrong. From the beginning, from the first furtive glance, from the first unexpected, not at all reciprocal, brush. Bucky knew it was very wrong. His moral compass was shot when his thoughts, his intentions, went south and he couldn't stop them, or just didn't want to. At first it was hard to stop them, but at least he knew he intended to. After a good while, Bucky couldn't be sure he was really trying to stop it at all.

His gaze wandered in the crowds, among familiar faces, but only one that really cheered his soul. Guilt followed him, too. Maybe he had stopped fighting the feeling, but that didn't make it any more bearable. Seeing those two faces, smiling at them like it was nothing, asking them about the ring as if it were casual small talk while his heart contracted, made him feel like a traitor every day, and that guilt hung on his back like a bag full of stones. He carried his own sin like the unworthy one he was.

Still, he loved carrying those little moments in his heart, as if they really meant something, as if he didn't feel like he lost something every time he did it, as if butterflies flew around him when they did and everyone around him got as excited as he did, as if all the love songs came true in a single moment. As if saying I love you was as easy as breathing.

“Bucky, what do you say?”

But that was all just in his head.

“I'm with Natasha this time.”

The whole table was filled with shouts and boos. Bucky felt like he could shrink back in his seat and disappear.

Your face was right in front of his, a huge smile made your eyes sparkle. Everyone he knew was gathered and there were so many places Bucky could look, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from the curve of your lips. It was electrifying the way a simple distant gesture could ignite his body like that.

And it was shattering the way he had to remind himself that he couldn't stare for that long.

Not when the first person you saw after laughing was Steve. Not when the first hand you held was his. Not when those sparkling eyes were only for him. Bucky had to remind himself that he couldn't stare at you too long because you were his, for Steve, even though Bucky felt like he was eternally yours.

Bucky could remember the first time he'd seen you because it had been the first time he'd felt alive after so long living in the shadows and dust.

He was fixing his motorcycle, as he used to do countless times, instead of having gone out with his friends to the dinner that night that Wanda had scheduled. Every month they had an outing and one of them had to organize it. That was how they'd basically managed to stay in touch after so long after being out of college.

Bucky knew everyone was going to hate him for canceling at the last minute, but he really didn't feel like going out. So he sat outside his garage with his motorcycle looking for any slightest mistake he could fix or any scratches he could paint while he spent the entire day just there. That was his plan. But everything changed the moment you suddenly appeared in front of him, in a white flowered dress that he could still remember, that you actually still wore, and asked him if he could help you. With those doe eyes and a pout Bucky couldn't have escaped you, even if he wanted to.

“Excuse me, hello,” Bucky heard your voice for the first time and raised his head as if he knew what was in store for him.

Seeing you for the first time was very pleasurable, Bucky truly thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his entire life. The tool in his hand was halfway through fixing something on his motorcycle when his hand froze and his lips remained pursed. When he thought about it from time to time, Bucky thought he must have looked like an idiot.

“I don't want to bother you. Uhm… I'm Y/N. I just moved into the house over there,” you moved to point to one of the houses in the neighborhood that Bucky had seen for sale, being so far inside his own head to even realize that someone actually moved in there. “I wanted to know if… Well, it's just that I see you fix things and I- My car broke down. I don't know what's wrong with it, but it won't start with anything. I don't know anybody around either and only you were around, could you help me?”

Bucky had never heard a person ramble on like that. Rather he could say he had never heard such a melodic voice nor had he ever found a person who just rambled so tender and entertaining.

He took a moment to look behind you, where indeed there was a black car parked near the approach with the hood open. Returning his gaze back to you, he found you anxiously waving interlocked hands and a slightly frowning brow.

“Sure,” was all he said.

The smile you sketched for him felt like a reward.

“Thank you! Really thank you so much.”

Bucky could only nod as he picked himself up off the floor.

At that moment, your gaze lowered and met the bare chest of a man who spent every morning looking for something to fix on his perfectly good motorcycle. Bucky didn't think it was ever possible again, but he felt his cheeks redden.

“I'm going to-” Bucky motioned pointing to his house and then to his bare chest and then disappeared behind the door leading into his living room from the garage.

As he entered he had leaned against the closed door and berated himself for acting like a teenager and not a responsible adult who paid his taxes on time.

He came back out a few minutes later wearing a dark shirt and found you circling around his bike, looking at it as if you were in a museum. When he approached, you straightened up in embarrassment. Bucky wondered what you could feel embarrassed for when your very existence was worthy of being admired like that in a huge museum.

“Is that your car over there?” he asked stupidly, pointing to the only car parked along the road.

But as if that hadn't been too obvious a remark, you nodded animatedly and started walking in the direction of the vehicle. It looked like that huge grin wasn't going to disappear from your face since he agreed to help you, and Bucky felt like he was going to get in trouble for it.

“It came out of the garage very normally and I parked it here. I turned the engine off and went inside to get some stuff out and when I came back it just wouldn't start,” you explained with a cute frown, as you moved closer and closer to the car, that he couldn't stop staring at as if that was what he had to fix.

“Okay,” he almost whispered, and was startled as you moved closer to him to hear what he was saying. “You can stay in the seat and turn it on when I tell you.”

You shook your head animatedly again and went to sit down to wait for his direction. Bucky lingered for a moment processing the delicious floral, sweet smell, and the vanilla that your perfume gave off. He felt it wouldn't be long before it became his favorite scent. The lavender and vanilla. Bucky wasn't even a fan of ice cream or flowers.

He reluctantly looked down, letting the scent escape into the air. He quickly spot the problem and, after a simple motion, reached up to lower the hood.

“You can turn it on now.”

Bucky watched your surprised face, eyebrows raised and lips curved in a circle. It startled him how fast you were making his heart move in such a short time. How was that even possible?

It was even better when you moved the key and the car started without a hitch, with that giant crescent smile that almost hid your eyes completely. By the time you got out of the car, any trace of discomfort or nervousness in you was gone.

“Thank you very, very, very much. You don't know what you just saved me from…”

Bucky stared intently into your shining eyes, as if in the midst of a trance, as if he had to do it to live. He became so immersed in his introspection that he almost didn't notice that you were waiting for him to give you his name.

“Bucky.”

“Bucky…”

He almost melted at your melodious voice repeating his name as simple as butter, as if that's the way it had always been.

“Thank you so much, Bucky.”

He nodded, barely curving his lips into a half smile, and that also served as a farewell.

Bucky didn't know, or maybe he did, that from that moment on he wasn't going to be able to get you out of his head. And even if he tried, doing so would be more painful than simply leaving you there growing in his thoughts like ivy.

--

Bucky had spent many nights thinking about what had gone wrong. He replayed conversations in his head endlessly, like a broken record he replayed his own words, thought about what it all would have been like if he had done something different, if he had said something different, if that really would have been a relief to his heart. Bucky had already thought of everything, but really the only answer is that you were not meant to be together as he'd imagined.

Nothing was ever reciprocated. Any spark, any friction, it all had to have been inside his head because there was no other explanation.

And everything changed that night.

He had talked to you too many times since your car thing, even though it was hard for him. You had been to his house and he had been to yours almost countless times. You would meet in town and drive back together. You walked early on weekends. You brought him the best dishes he'd ever tasted in his life to eat together….

And he decided to take you to meet his friends. Even before he took you on a date. Before talking about what you had. Before a kiss. Before sleeping together.

For Bucky there was nothing more important than you meeting his friends. That's how big his love was, even if sometimes he lied so he wouldn't see them. It was his way of loving.

Every day of his life he regretted that decision because that night it was all about Steve and you. That night he felt like the world was falling apart on him. Everyone was talking about Steve and you. That you had so much in common, that you would make a cute couple, that your children would be beautiful. Bucky loved his friends, but that night…

After that everything went to hell.

As if you'd never met him, your days began to fill with Steve.

“Where are you going?”

“Oh. I'm going to meet Steve. We have a reservation.”

“Ah.”

Every day. There wasn't a day when he didn't hear his best friend's name come out of your mouth, sentencing him to eternal agony, because Bucky was never able to tell him that he loved you first, that he fell in love first. He couldn't do that to Steve who in so many things had been with him and had gone through so much.

“Are you free tonight?”

“No, Buck, I'm sorry. I'm going out with Steve.”

“Oh, sure. Is he coming to pick you up?”

“No, I'll take a cab.”

“At this hour?”

“Don't worry. I'll text you when I get there.”

And you did. But you wrote him too much. You told him how amazing the date had gone. You described how good you felt around him. And you confessed to him that you'd kissed.

Bucky thought about moving out after that.

“Hi, Bucky!”

But he also thought about how hard it would be to be so far away from you. Maybe it was worth it to avoid a broken heart, but…. No, it was too late for that now.

“Are you doing anything tonight?”

He lifted his head so fast he felt a whiplash of tension run down his back.

“No. Why?”

Could it be possible that…?

“Then you are cordially invited to a game night at my house. Sincerely, Steve and I.”

Steve and I.

Bucky shouldn't have been disappointed because he knew he shouldn't have felt hope in the first place, but he didn't expect to feel the anger bubbling in his chest either. You walked away like it was nothing after that, with a huge smile on your face, the one that made him fall in love with you in the first place. You walked animatedly as if you hadn't just stomped his heart to smithereens. You walked totally oblivious to the overwhelming guilt that grew from the pit of his stomach to plant itself in his chest for the first time.

You didn't even know anything. There was no way Bucky could blame you. Not even Steve. He had only himself to blame. For not speaking up first, for waiting so long, for not taking the risk.

Bucky didn't go to that game night.

Not the next one, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that, not the one after that either…

Bucky stopped going to his friends' monthly meetings. He always said he had too much work. And yes, he dragged out his own work so he wouldn't even risk thinking about all he had lost.

At least five months passed and it was a year to the day since that night when Bucky made the worst mistake of his life.

That night he was surprised to find Steve outside his door.

He had just come home from work. It was close to ten o'clock at night. His face was cold from the weather and from not wearing his helmet since entering his residential area.

“Steve,” was his greeting.

“Bucky,” his friend reciprocated as he parked the bike in his garage.

Reluctant to any kind of conversation that might come up that night, Bucky tried to find any possible excuse to get Steve to leave. But he took too long.

“We're neighbors now,” was all Steve said, once Bucky got off the bike and turned to face him.

“What?”

“I moved in with Y/N today. I live with her now.”

Like a hundred broken panes of glass Bucky's heart sounded every time it pounded. His friend's sparkling eyes were telling him, screaming at him to say something, to congratulate him, a few words, but his breath caught in his throat and he didn't even feel like he could trust his own legs at that moment.

You had moved in together.

You loved Steve so much that you'd asked him to move in with you.

“That's good, Steve.”

Not even great, just good. The words came almost slurred out of his mouth, and yes, his own head ripped the words out of him before it became too awkward and suspicious a silence.

“We tried to call you to come by after work. We had a little party.”

“I had my cell phone on silent.”

Bullshit. Bucky had seen every call, even yours, along with your messages, and had spent a good while just staring at the screen wondering what it could be about that both of you at the same time wanted to contact him.

“I figured.”

Steve sighed, and for a second Bucky thought he had figured it out. From the look on his face, Bucky figured he'd tell him to stay away from you and not try to get close because he'll have him between his eyebrows.

“You can stop by tomorrow at breakfast, if you want.”

Somehow, that was worse.

“No, thanks.”

“Buck-”

“I'm leaving very early for work.”

“Bucky-”

“I can't, Steve, I'm sorry.”

“Bucky, we haven't seen you in months.”

The aforementioned stood halfway through opening the door to his living room, almost completely forgetting that had he gone through to the other side he would have locked his best friend in his garage and, for a moment, that almost didn't even matter to him. The thought scared him.

“It's been about four months since I've seen you in person. I figured you were going through something and needed time, but hasn't it been a long time already?”

“Five.”

“What?”

“It's been five months,” Bucky turned to look at his friend unhinged face and guilt washed over him once more, as strong as the first time, a great wave breaking the sand. “Come in. So you can go out the front door because I already locked that door and it's electric and very slow and…”

The sympathetic expression on Steve's face didn't please him, he decided he didn't like it. It looked like he was looking at him with sorrow, with pain, but he didn't understand, he wasn't going through half of what Bucky was feeling everyday, he didn't have the slightest idea. He was going to a warm bed after this, at least, and Bucky would get to the great solitude of his thoughts.

No. Steve didn't understand shit.

“Don't look at me with that fucking face,” he exclaimed before he could stop himself. “Just leave.”

Bucky thought about that hurt expression on Steve's face for several days.

--

Two months later, somehow, you had convinced Bucky to attend one of your monthly meetings. It was so hard and yet so easy to make that decision, because you had gone all the way to his house and knocked on his door and asked him to come so many times that he couldn't say no just to avoid seeing your disappointed face.

And so it had come to that moment. That moment where everyone was booing Natasha and Bucky could tell by your huge smile that he hadn't gotten over you one bit. Two months without seeing you had been for nothing. That zero contact method surely only worked with teenagers.

As the laughter dissipated, Bucky thought about all he had been through and all he had suffered in silence. He hated that he couldn't hate anyone because everything that had happened was his fault. He hated every time he logged on to his text app and had to find himself in the group chat various messages about how Steve and you made such a great couple that neither of them could wait for you to get married.

Maybe Bucky complained too much.

Because the next thing he knew, everyone gathered around the table and you announced your engagement to Steve. When the table was again filled with shouts and applause, Bucky couldn't take his eyes off the giant ketchup stain on the table that Natasha had caused by getting too excited about the news. The envelope had been crushed by her hand, splattering its contents on that piece of the table and even on the shirts of those nearby. But no one really cared, because you and Steve were getting married. No one except…

... Bucky's weak and bruised heart, which despite the months could never stop beating just for you. Even though he tried, for his sake, for the sake of your friendship, for the sake of being happy for his best friend, he simply could not. It was a losing battle for him from the start. Ever since you showed up in his front yard in that blessed white flowered dress you were wearing now to deliver that news, and you smiled gratefully at him with the same smile you had now as you were encircled by Wanda and Tony's arms.

Bucky wanted to say that he'd grown accustomed to the pain that accompanies a broken heart, but the truth was that it never got easier. Every time he felt that pain, he prayed he wouldn't have to feel it again, because the pain that followed was so much stronger, so much so that he felt it suck the air out of him and a hollowness made its space inside his chest.

Bucky was really struggling to keep his composure at that moment.

But when he looked away from the large ketchup stain on the table, he met Steve's eyes, and somehow he knew. Bucky knew that he knew. However it was, coincidence or fate, Bucky realized that Steve knew what was going through his head.

And, for some reason, Steve didn't look angry.

But Bucky wasn't taking that pressure. Feeling invisible hands suffocating him.

So he barely mumbled an apology to him and ran out of the house.

His intention was to make it to the safety of his house, but his legs only gave out until he found his motorcycle parked in front of the future husband and wife's house.

His breathing was heavy, rapid and ragged. Of all the heartbreaks, that one was perhaps the most painful.

“Bucky?”

Hearing your voice behind him as he tried to fight the anxiety of not crying, not that moment, not in that place, not when it could be so obvious to you, was like a bucket of cold water. He suddenly felt alert, uncovered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes. Why?”

“You ran out of the house.”

Although he tried to avoid it, the first thing he saw when you stepped around him to face him was the large ring that was now part of you. It was beautiful and delicate, Steve had made a good choice.

“I was overwhelmed for a moment. The screaming and stuff,” he gave you a lousy excuse, but it seemed to convince you enough.

“Oh, sure, I'm sorry. Do you want me to make you some tea? I've got a soothing one.”

“No,” Bucky shook his head quickly. “No need. I'd better go to my place.”

“So soon?”

Bucky looked into those deer eyes he loved so much and it hurt so much to think that would be the last time he saw them.

“Yeah, I'll feel better there. Don't worry.”

“Text me if you need anything.”

“Sure,” he wasn't going to. “Ah, congratulations on the engagement.”

Bucky was going to leave it at that, at a few simple words he tried to say with his heart in his hand, but you went further and jumped in to hug him by wrapping your arms around his neck. He felt dizzy for a moment.

“If it wasn't for you I never would have met him. Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky swallowed hard to keep from collapsing right there in your arms.

“Sure.”

“And to think I thought I'd end up with you,” you blurted out with a chuckle, as if it was nothing, as you backed away from his body, as if you hadn't just dropped a bomb on his face.

Bucky went cold.

“What?”

You laughed again, as if it was nothing more than a funny anecdote from adolescence or college. His chest heaved from the pain, his heart pounding so hard he felt it behind his ears. Hands sweaty, he didn't feel ready to listen to you.

“When we first met I liked you, Bucky, and I thought maybe we could work something out… But then I met Steve and it was… Wow, like fireworks.”

“Ah.”

“I guess things really do happen for a reason.”

“Yeah, right,” Bucky replied on automatic, afraid that any distraction would give him a glimpse, trying to even out his breathing.

“Well, you know, text me if you need anything.”

“Yeah.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

“See you at the wedding, huh.”

“Sure.”

Bucky followed you with his eyes as you walked back to your driveway, where Steve was waiting for you. His gaze lit up as much as yours every time he saw you and the lump in Bucky's throat kept getting bigger and bigger. He couldn't be one second closer to that house.

But then you walked into the house and Bucky met Steve's gaze.

He started to get on his bike as his best friend started walking towards him.

“Why didn't you ever say anything?”

Bucky remained sitting on the bike, helmet in his hands.

“I'm not going to talk about this with you now, Steve.”

“No, Bucky, you're not going to do this again. Answer me.”

“Steve…”

“Answer me!”

Bucky turned to see his friend's contracted face and knew where his anger was coming from. It wasn't against him, it wasn't against his feelings.

“I just… I couldn't do it.”

“And that's all?”

“Yeah, that's all,” Bucky started the bike. “I couldn't say anything when I saw you smile for the first time in months. Not when you actually looked happy after everything you went through.”

“What I went through? What we went through, Bucky! We both suffered through it and you… you…”

“Whatever it is, Steve, it's over. The time is past. It's all behind us.”

“Bucky…” Steve slurred the words, incredulous, pained to see his best friend allowed to suffer like that. In deep pain because he knew if it had been the other way around he would have done the same.

“I'll be fine. Send me the invitation to the wedding. I promise I'll be there, if you want me there. And I'll be fine by then. I'll be fine.”

Bucky finally put on the case and without waiting for final words from Steve, he took off riding to an aimless destination.

He didn't know if he would be better by the time the wedding happened, because thinking about it at that moment made the tears run desperately down his cheeks, even though the wind dried them very quickly, just as they were replaced by others and others.

Bucky had no idea if he would ever be well again, but he had to try. He had to try because at that moment he felt like he would die.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - lots, just LOTS

I thought I would be pretty lean reporting for Oct 2023 but then (for reasons relayed here) the weeklies got saved by a drunk avenging hacker in a hotel room.

Oct 2023 Wk 1

Except I still can't watch IFYLITA, because I use my other computer for it.

Gotta say though, watching tese mostly all in one day (for travel reasons) is beyond even my BL superpowers. I did my best tho.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Dangerous Romance (Fri YT) ep 8 of 12 - Sailom, sweetie, Kang is never sleeping alone again. It wasn't really translated, but Kang's way of speaking in that opening stinger was VERY cutsie. Also the gay sheets have made another appearance. I do have to say that "rich kid problems" is not my favorite story arc, but I still think this is a great Thai BL.

Naughty Babe (Sat YT) ep 6 of 8 - I love that they are finally talking to each other but Yi’s whole personality is shifting. Honestly, this pair is great at kissing and casual touches, but the friendships are the best thing about this franchise. Also Mr Chenne remains my fav character. But where did Diao's baby superhero team come from? And why? This show is very confusing... It’s also not very good.

My Universe (Sun iQIYI) You Are My Soulmate ep 7 - This was the one of the series I was looking forward to the most, because silly, pretty, and v BL. It is, in fact all those things and nothing more. So I'm enjoying it, of course.

Absolute Zero (Thai Weds iQIYI) ep 2 of 12 - I like it, but it feels like it's gonna be so sad. I'm having Promise and Dew the movie flashbacks. Plus 12 eps seems too long for this narrative thread. I am worried.

Venus in the Sky (Tues iQIYI) 6 of 10 eps - This show is so slow it's hardly worth the bandwidth, but we attained "baby is a floppy drunk" and thus a finger bite frustration scene, which was nice.

Only Friends (Sat YT) ep 9 of 10 (not a BL but I'm watching it anyway) - Ray is so mean to Sand. The not-a-thing with Sand & Nick was cute. I’ve had several experiences like that. All my queer friendship groups tend to be incestuous, but sometimes they're just too much of a sibling and trying to sleep with them is the most unsexy thing in the universe. To be fair, I’ve also been in Ton’s position (this ep). Jojo sure makes queer shizz. But also, Ton must have a magic rod with everyone wanting a repeat. (I'm so glad they put Neo in this role, no one else at GMMTV could play him as complex or sympathetic.)

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

You Are Mine (Taiwan Fri Viki) eps 5 of 10 - now officially known by me as "I'm too sunshine for this seme" where our boss is being hella obvious but our cinnamon roll is just too ooey-gooey to notice. Al.though, baby boy, he takes you home, sleeps on top of you, feeds you cookies (IN HIS BED) and keeps you in his space? Surely even this sunshine is catching a few rays of truth?

Gaga's *unintelligible gay murmuring* is my favorite caption EVER.

Also the name of my new ASMR YT channel.

Bon Appetit (Korea Weds iQIYI) 3-4 of 8 - ah gay panic, also what is Korea's obsession with 7 year separations? Is it only true love if you wait 7 years? Dohoon is SUCH a flirt, it's kinda great! Also, since it's Korea, we got us a bit of a love triangle with 2 hyung romances, so I (of course) am torn. Either way Dohoon is going down. I do love how much time we are spending with the food in this drama, finally one that lives up to its name. On an entirely different note, Korean camping is the most bizare thing to me. It's SO damn civilized. There will be NO DIRT. They pack blow torches. And full dinner sets. Every time I see it in a drama, I'm amused.

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 7 of 8 - OMG these 2 are so in love with each other, and so ridiculous about it. They're tiny idiots but I love them.

If It’s With You AKA Even If I Fall In Love With You AKA Kimi to nara Koi wo Shite Mite mo’ (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 5 - from MBS a live action adaptation of Kubota Maru’s manga ‘君となら恋をしてみても. Amane has stopped loving people due to trauma until he meets Ryuji. At first Amane just wants to play with Ryuji but… feelings.

I like the odd Japanese mature-childishness in this one. Plus a broken sunshine who is out in a kind of aggresive way and an instinctive caring seme. What's not to love? Well, it's Japan I'm sure it will surprise me one way or another.

Mr Cinderella 2 (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 3 of ? - the cray cray step brother quazi incest is a bit much for me. Why does VBL just suddenly get so unhinged like this?

Kiseki: Dear to Me (Taiwan Tues Viki & iQIYI) ep 9 of 13(?) - resumes next week

It's Airing But...

I Feel You Linger in the Air (Fri grey) ep 8 of 12 - I will try to watch 8-12 and do a series review when I get back in November but... not sure I will be able to. Fingers crossed.

Love in Translation (Sat iQIYI) ep 8fin - I will complete and drop a review in Nov.

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - 4th installment in this series (1st series, 1 special, 1 movie prior) about a lawyer who lives with his boyfriend, a hairdresser, and cooks for him. I find thie series more fun to binge, som I'm waiting until it completes its run.

I Cannot Reach You AKA I Can't Reach You AKA Kimi ni wa Todokanai (Japan Tues Netflix-Japan & ????) - in classic JBL fashion, I Cannot Reach You could not be reached. 

Can I Buy Your Love From A Vending Machine? AKA Sono Koi, Jihanki de Kaemasu ka? (Japan cinema release in-country only) - This one is a movie from Japan so in customary fashion who tf knows when (or if) it will get international distribution. Salaryman Ayumu Koiwai just can't tear his eyes away from the strong, muscular man as he checks on the stocks of the vending machine in his office.

In case you missed it?

Crazy Handsome Rich (Sun Gaga) Apparently ended its run I DNFed this at ep 3. So no review from me.

My Beautiful Man: Eternal AKA Utsukushii Kare Eternal (Japan movie Viki & Gaga) - Play it again Sam, only I'm kinda tired of this song. I was v dramatic tho. And it's always nice to be reminded JBL can kiss when it puts its mind to it. 8/10

Next Week Looks Like This

Upcoming October BL

10/31 SHADOW (Thai VIU ????) - this is a horror BL featuring ghosts and other paranormal elements in a high school setting. I'm not wild about Thai horror (or horror at all, but if it must be done in BL let Japan do it). It features Singto (who did paranormal BL He's Coming to Me) opposite Fluke N (who's done a couple horror's before). Also Fiat. Dan suffers from sleep paralysis, and in his dreams he sees a shadow that suffocates him. It gets worse when he transfers schools.

10/? Bump Up Project AKA Bump Up Business (Korea ????) - BL staring OnlyOneOf that released(??) as a movie in July but is now being recut and reissued as a series. Stars NineMill and from Idol Romance bulled as a love story between a trainee who is about to debut and a celebrity from the same agency (based on a webtoon). OnlyOneOf have been auditioning for this since Libido IMHO. You can watch me chronicle their BL MV work in this post. Idol Romance will do sad but can do good kisses (Wish You, Nobleman Ryu, Once Again, Kissable Lips, Poongduck 304, Tasty Florida, Tinted With You) but I don't think we will get any in this. After that OmegaX Shoulder bullshizz buisness I am very wary of this show.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I've seen this Chinese drama like... no wait... okay it's like EVERY Chinese drama ever.

(both Mr Cinderella 2)

I only got to watch this scene and the bath, but bot were pretty darn good! I Feel You Linger in the Air

There's only one bed but they slept together on the floor anyway. One of BL's oddest tropes.

I do love a finger bite. (both Venus in the Sky)

Good advice

(Naughty Babe)

(Last week) 

[alexanderwales]

Concert Review: Weezer's Blue Planet Tour

I'm not a music guy. I blame my dad for that: he was an orchestra conductor and music professor, and obviously I needed to set myself in opposition to him by not listening to music or learning to play an instrument despite the prodding of my parents.

There were only a few exceptions to my general abstention from music when I was growing up, and one of those exceptions was Weezer's Blue Album. So I still would not consider myself a music guy, but I did go to this concert, since it's one of my favorite albums of all time. Top five, definitely. It's only the second concert I've ever been to, unless you count classical music, in which case it's the 213th (number not exact).

The first opening act was Dinosaur Jr., who I had not even heard of until the day of. I had no idea what their music was going to be like, and decided that maybe I would become a fan after hearing them live.

Look, I don't normally like to talk bad about things that I can tell aren't for me.

Dinosaur Jr. made me question whether I had ever actually enjoyed music. The guitar sections sounded like a cat yowling, in a bad way. I was far enough away that I began to wonder whether they were playing an angry cat rather than a guitar. I hated every song they played, and one of us misunderstood some of the fundamentals of what makes a good song — which I will freely admit might be me. I thought that maybe live concerts were just like that, and I had made a horrible mistake. I feel obligated to go seek out some of their very best songs and listen to what they sound like professionally recorded outside of the arena, for the sake of fairness, but I actually just want to never hear anything from them again. I wondered whether warm-up acts were like the first pancake, a sacrifice necessary for what follows to be good. I might say "not for me" but what I feel in my heart is "I despised listening to this".

Then the Flaming Lips came on and made me realize that I do, in fact, like music. I'm not a huge fan of the Flaming Lips, but they do have a dozen songs I like, and I must have good taste, because all the songs they played were my favorites. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Do You Realize, the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song, She Don't Use Jelly ... it made me want to listen to more of their discography to see whether there's more there I've overlooked, even if I've listened to a lot of the Flaming Lips. And all the songs came with cool lighting that added to the experience, sweeping shafts of light that swept over us, timed to the music, and none of that seemed like it was all that difficult, but I did appreciate the vibe. There were also props, which I loved: when they played Yoshimi there were two giant inflatable pink robots that swayed back and forth to the music, and during the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song there were two inflatable eyeballs standing on either side of Wayne Coyne, who had inflatable lips. The dancing eyeballs turned from side to side, making it look like they were following the crowd, it was great. Wayne Coyne is great at all the showman stuff, though I think he asked me to make some noise one too many times. I obliged him, and howled like a wolf.

As much as I enjoyed the Flaming Lips, it was Weezer is was there for, specifically the promise that they would be playing the Blue Album from start to finish. This was their very first concert of this tour, so I didn't know what to expect, but they emerged from a spaceship that rose up into the ceiling, and had a charmingly dorky space theme going on, with visuals behind them showing the journey to the blue planet. They played mostly the hits, though a few songs from deeper in their catalog too, and I sang along to all of them. Pork and Beans, Beverly Hills, Island in the Sun, Pink Triangle ... there was a whole Pinkerton section, which I appreciated, because I'm fond of Pinkerton. There were a few references to this space theme they had going, and it was dorky, because Rivers Cuomo is a dork, but I liked it, because I too am a dork.

But when they started the Blue Album it was like the real concert had begun. The crowd got louder, there was more energy in the arena, and the Blue Album is one of those rare albums that's just all great songs, one after the other. The performances were very close to what was on the album, and I do wonder about that, because it's been thirty years since it's come out, and ... does Weezer feel beholden to it? Does it not feel suffocating to feel compelled to go with the choices you made when you were in your 20s? Do your tastes not drift? But of course the fans want what they remember, and though the music is live, the band is playing music that's long since crystalized. Whatever my thoughts on the thirty year gap of time, the Blue Album is still just full of songs I love and deeply relate to.

My one problem with the Blue Album has always been Only in Dreams, which is eight minutes long, and that's just too long. It feels eight minutes long. By contrast, Bohemian Rhapsody is six minutes long, and really earns that six minutes. Here though, as the final song of the concert, I thought it worked. The extended song felt like it's supposed to feel, like the album doesn't want to end, and by extension, like the concert doesn't want to end.

The big takeaway for me is that I should go to more concerts. There's something hard to put into words about what it feels like to sing along to a song with ten thousand other people, what it feels like to have the bass thumping through your body and have the full sensory experience of the light show in a dark room.

The small takeaway is that I really hate Dinosaur Jr.

[pinkroseblooms]

Bizarre Love Triangle

Kumatani Mitsuo/f!Reader/Usahara Tobikichi in a love triangle; since Usahara has more experience with dating he knows what's up but Kumatani is currently still in the dark about his own feelings. No real resolutions, just fluff and some angst and a My Best Friend's Wedding reference for funsies. Summary: For once Kumatani is the one oblivious and Usahara is all too aware of the dynamic that's developed between the three of you. Pining!Usahara, Obliviously Crushing!Kumatani, and Oblivious!Reader; let the needless drama begin! word count: 3.4k Playlist: I listened to a lot of Hot Freaks writing this and they deserve more attention (I also played Bizarre Love Triangle cover by Stabbing Westward on loop, hence the title :D ) Puppy Princess Write Me Letters Heartache I Want to Be Your Boyfriend End of the Night I Want You to Be My Daddy

Usahara sits to your left as Kumatani takes the seat to your right without really thinking about it. He’s noticed lately that keeps happening; when Kumatani and him started getting you to come out with them, you were still unfamiliar and it was natural for the two men to sit next to each other. 

In a restaurant, a bar, the movies, or even just going over to one another’s places for food and conversation, Usahara gravitated to sitting next to his friend and vice versa. He isn’t able to recall when Kumatani started occupying the space next to you. Kumatani doesn’t make a big show of it, but Usahara has noticed, every single time. Ironic, considering how people categorize him as the oblivious one, and they had a point, but this is different.

Kumatani’s never even been on a date; obligatory mixers and being pressured into joining “not date” group events don’t count. As long as Usahara has known him, Kumatani’s been single and not ready to mingle. 

“Careful.” Kumatani moves the pitcher of ice water out of your way as you reach for the sugar packets. “You’ll spill.”

“I saw it.” You roll your eyes with good humor, ripping open the packet with your teeth. “I’m not as clumsy as some people when I drink.”

“Who are you referring to, huh?” Usahara grabs the bowl of sugar packets away from your side of the table. “I resent that.”

“Yet you somehow knew she was talking about you.” Kumatani sips his water before pouring himself a cup of strong black coffee without any to add. 

“Oh, don’t you want some cream?” You were just about to hand him the smaller pitcher next to the coffee pot. “I thought you didn’t like plain black coffee.”

“Not usually.”

The three of you had come from a bar a few minutes away, varying levels of buzzed and starving, having not realized the bar didn’t have much in the way of food before stopping in to drink the stress of the day away. Usahara remembered this diner was nearby enough to walk to and open late just for these occasions. He guesses a good amount of business came from drunk people out and about with limited options. 

You had chosen a booth and the seat near the window; Kumatani had sat himself down next to you, leaving Usahara, once again, the odd man out. 

“You guys suck. Always ganging up on me.” Usahara still feels pretty drunk; he’s not known for holding his liquor but even he recognizes tonight was too much. “I feel bad enough. Can you pass me the coffee?”

“I told you to pace yourself.” You sigh, but can’t help smile at his lopsided grin. “You’re so goofy; here, let me pour you a cup. If anyone’s going to spill something, it’s you…”

“Thanks.” Usahara grins wider as you take his mug, pour in a generous helping of hot coffee and stir in three sugars and a splash of cream without needing prompting. “You’re the best; you’d make a great wife.”

“I don’t know if being able to pour coffee translates to being wife material.” You laugh, snorting a little. “I didn’t even make it.”

“It’s more like something you’d do as an unpaid intern.” Kumatani remarks cynically, shooting Usahara a stern look. “I’d say be careful burning your tongue, but it might actually be an improvement.”

“Ugh, next time I’m only going out with her.” Usahara gratefully takes the mug from your hand, fingertips barely brushing against yours; the steam heats up his face and he blows over the coffee to cool it down some. “What should we do for food? I’m still kinda queasy.”

“Hm, they have a sample platter option.” You’re glancing over the menu, lips pressed together as you read the list. “I’m not super hungry though; Kumatani, if I get this do you want to share with me?”

“Sure.”

Usahara brings the mug back to his lips, wondering what his expression must be; Kumatani has scooted closer to your end of the bench, ostensibly to get a closer look at the platter you’re referring to, except he has his own menu, untouched and closed by his cup of coffee. You point out something and look over briefly with a smile in his direction, somehow missing the way Kumatani edges over until his shoulder all but touches yours. He’s glancing from the menu to your face, his own expression as blank as ever; Usahara might have believed everything was exactly the same as it had been last year. That was when you started working on the set as a script doctor after Amon had a particularly harrowing mental breakdown over ideas of the newest season. You actually worked more with Derekida and Furode directly, but had naturally gravitated to the cast members; you appreciated their input without demanding they do your job for you. 

Usahara had thought you were cute before you spoke a word; he was beyond excited to have you join him and the other staff on work trips and after hours social hour. It was way more fun to chat with a cutie pie who laughed at his jokes, so when things progressed to a friendship outside of the job, Usahara didn’t have any complaints.

The three of you have a good thing going on. You’re both Usahara and Kumatani’s friend. Sometimes you go with Usahara to karaoke or leisurely rides on his motorcycle around the expanse of the oceanside roads and other days you go with Kumatani to watch a cheesy B movie or browse pet stores for cat treats. You’ve helped Usahara’s parents move a couch and treated Kumatani’s brother to snacks. 

Usahara is almost completely certain Kumatani has no idea. He doesn’t seem to be cognizant of the way he instinctively goes to make sure you’re okay, almost tending to you, even though you don’t need it. Pulling you away from the traffic side of the walkway, asking if you got enough sleep when you’re yawning a lot, always offering unprompted advice and a sympathetic ear. If you were someone more like Hachita or even Iketeru, Usahara would understand the perpetual need to oversee you, like a magnetic pull. That’s just the type of person Kumatani is. 

“You should have ordered the honey lemon tea.” You’re nudging Kumatani’s arm with your elbow. “Get it?”

“Uh huh.”

“Cause bears.”

“Yep.”

“Bears? Honey?” You smile at Usahara conspiratorially. “You get it, right?”

“I got it.” Usahara doesn’t want to laugh, but he can’t help it; you’re in a silly mood and it’s adorable. He’s not laughing at you; there’s a bubbling, tingling in his chest. It’s too much, he has to do something about it, and his gut says to laugh. “What should I order?”

“Carrot cake.”

Usahara doubles over and now you’re in hysterics too, giggling like a madwoman; you’re still buzzed and off balance, so you teeter to the side. As you place your hand over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sound, your head rests lightly against Kumatani’s shoulder. The pleasant sensation in Usahara’s chest squeezes his heart painfully at the way Kumatani goes utterly still as you bury your face into his shoulder when you can’t force the giggles to stop. Usahara may as well cease to exist in this shared space; nothing else is visible in Kumatani’s field of vision. His jaw goes slack, his shoulders slump, and his eyes lose any trace of weary skepticism. 

“You’re drunk.” Kumatani’s voice is strangely hushed; gently props you up and only looks away so he can top off your glass of water. “Go on, have some more water.”

“I will, thank you.” You wipe your eyes and obediently take the glass from Kumatani. “I’m not that drunk though.”

“You’re gonna have a nasty hangover and I’m the one who’s going to have to bring you breakfast because you’re too incapacitated to go grocery shopping.”

“I’ll do it.”

Both you and Kumatani look up suddenly in Usahara’s direction; it takes a second for him to realize how loudly he had spoken.

“We’ll both be dealing with some gnarly hangovers, so let’s grab a late breakfast together.” Usahara continues, undeterred by the embarrassment creeping up on him. “You wanted to try that crepe place, yeah?”

“Oh my gosh yes!” You say excitedly, practically shooting up on your seat. “Let’s do that! Whoever wakes up last pays!”

“Aw, no fair, you know I’m a heavy sleeper-”

“How would she know that?”

It’s Usahara’s turn to look taken aback: Kumatani isn’t giving him a death glare per say, but the look in his eyes has gone from soft and mushy to cold steel. 

“This lightweight crashed at my place last week; I almost broke my back dragging him out of the road.” You explain casually as you fold your menu and place it on top of the table. “Does everyone know what they want?”

“Good question.” Usahara mumbles.

“We’re splitting the sample platter.” Kumatani puts his menu and yours together. “What about you?”

“Carrot cake.” Usahara winks at you, twitching his nose like a rabbit might. 

You return his smile somewhat exasperated. “Be serious: you should eat something too. How about a sandwich? Or soup?”

“Soup is good.” 

Usahara doubts he can handle anything heavier right now; his stomach is churning. Why do you have to be so sweet and funny and smart and perfect? And why did Kumatani have to be so dense? Usahara almost wants to clue him in, just so he can get this over with and you can put them both out of their misery. 

But, what if you pick one of them? What if they both confess and you decide to choose one and the other person is left to be the third wheel? It’s possible that time will overtake both his and Kumatani’s silly, stupid crushes.

Except, this isn’t a crush anymore. Usahara might even be falling in love with you, the same woman one of his best friends is unknowingly, hopelessly fawning over. Staring at you, Kumatani looks more drunk than he has all night. It’s a shame: if Usahara wasn’t so terrified of Kumatani becoming self aware, he would be teasing him relentlessly. 

By the time the late, late dinner is over, Usahara doesn’t feel much better; he spent an hour, sitting all by himself on the other end of the table, essentially forced to watch Kumatani fuss and you, drunkenly, foolishly, humoring him as Kumatani did everything short of hand feeding you. At one point a bit of sauce had smeared near the corner of your mouth; Usahara didn’t know how he managed to stop himself from sweeping all the plates to the floor and vaulting over the table when Kumatani took a napkin to dab at your mouth. 

Once more, you’re in the middle, Kumatani and Usahara on either side, lagging behind you by a step or two. Usahara, with an unearned satisfaction, smiles at the way you sway a little from side to side, humming some melody over and over. 

“Aw, I wanna do karaoke. Usahara? Can you do me a favor?” 

You pout and look over your shoulder at Usahara with the biggest doe eyes, as though you need to even try to act cute to sway him into doing anything; his heart is throbbing against his rib cage. Yes, please, look at him, ask him for something, any little thing your brain can think up. Usahara needs you to look at him first. He knows Kumatani, the strong, quiet, reliable one, he’s the one who's boyfriend material, the guy you take home to meet your family and build a future with. Usahara’s the goofy buddy, cracking jokes and one liners, good company for a fun time and he’s eager to please. 

Unlike Kumatani, Usahara is painfully aware of how he comes off and wouldn't be surprised in the least if you had him all figured out already. He scrambles to be at your beck and call, incessantly following you around like a lost puppy for scraps of attention and praise. It doesn’t matter if you’re asking for his opinion on a script or inquiring about a good spot for grilled meat; it’s an opportunity to prove something to you, to finally make something click in your head and somehow, realize he was always the one. 

"Pick me." Usahara can't stop his own train of thought as you hesitate. You always make his mind go to mush like this. "Choose me. Let me make you happy."

“What’s up?” Usahara grins like it’s all some big joke but he could drown in those big eyes, melt against your pouting lips. “Your wish is my command.”

“What’s that band called? The one we heard on the radio yesterday on your bike?”

“Hot Freaks?” 

“Yeah that’s it! Man, that was bugging me, I hate when I forget stuff like that. Thanks.”

“Sure thing.” Usahara doesn’t stop smiling. Pathetic. He’s so pathetic. “Weather’s supposed to be pretty decent tomorrow; want to go for a ride after breakfast? Lunch? Brunch?”

“Is it? Alright, I’m game.” You give him a knowing look. “No funny business, no driving like a maniac. You nearly gave me a heart attack last time when you-oh!”

“Hey!”

“Watch it!”

There doesn’t seem to be anything to trip over, but all the same, you had wobbled and lurched back. The only reason you’re not laying flat on your back and looking up at the starry sky is because Usahara and Kumatani had sprung into action; there’s two sets of hands on both your shoulders, steadying you so you can stand upright. There’s no telling who reached you first.

“Dammit, pay attention to where you’re walking.” Kumantani’s hand grips onto your shoulder, firm and assuring. “Do you need to lean on me?”

“I got her.” Usahara hasn’t let go of your shoulder and his other hand takes yours gently. “I can take her home with me; we are gonna hang out tomorrow anyway.”

“You’re drunk too; why don’t you go home and sleep it off?” Kumatani says pointedly. “I’ll make sure she’s alright.”

“Dude, she doesn’t need a babysitter.” 

“I’m the one who’s the most sober, it makes sense if I take her back.”

“We’re closer to my place.”

“I don’t trust you!”

“What?” Usahara stares incredulously. “What the hell does that mean?”

“I-I didn’t mean, wait,” Kumatani looks just as taken aback by his outburst. “I’m only saying, you’ve been drinking a lot.”

“Uh, guys?” You look back and forth between them; your head's spinning. “Guys?”

“So that means I’d take her back to my place and…do what exactly?” Usahara could punch someone. “Take advantage of her?”

“I didn’t say that.” Kumatani shakes his head earnestly. “Look, I don’t know what got into me, okay? I’m sorry.”

Kumatani isn’t lying; Usahara knows it, but it doesn’t mean he’s any less pissed. What Kumatani actually meant by “I don’t trust you” is he doesn’t trust Usahara to be alone with you, not when he’s drunk and loose lipped and liable to say something to finally tip the scales in his favor. If Kumatani heads out and leaves the two of you alone now, will there be sparks? The line could finally be crossed and what could Kumatani do but be left to the wayside, the official third wheel, and it’s too little too late for him. 

Usahara knows something of the sort is running through Kumatani’s racing mind, because that’s how he feels every time the three of you are together now.

“Forget it.” Usahara releases your arm. “You’re right, I’m really drunk; I can walk back to my place. You should take her home.”

“Hey, Usahara, Kumatani?” You speak up tentatively. “Is something…like, going on? You two have been acting off all night. Did something happen between you two?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” Kumatani also retracts his hand, but stays close to you. “We’re tired, that’s all.”

“Cause seriously, I know Usahara; you don’t think he’d try to take advantage of a drunk girl, do you?” You ask Kumatani directly. “He’s your friend.”

“I know, that’s not it, I was just…I get overprotective sometimes. I had a few too many myself earlier.” Kumatani seems to shrink under your critical eye. “I went into big brother mode, I guess. I’m sorry.”

“Well, thanks, but you don’t need to apologize. I never have to worry about anything around you, Kumatani.” You tell him with a warm smile. “I know you don’t mean to overdo it; and anyway, it’s what I like about you.”

“Don’t oversell it.” Kumatani rubs the back of his neck. “Either way, I’d feel weird making you go home alone. Let us walk you back.”

“I appreciate you two looking out for me.” You say gratefully and pat Kumatani’s head. “You know, you’re like the big brother I always wanted, but tone it down a notch, alright? We’re all just hanging out having fun, right?”

“Yeah, right.” 

Kumatani watches dumbly as you start walking once more, eyes forward this time to avoid any unexpected trips to the ground. He looks lost and Usahara can’t stop the pangs of sympathy that go out to his friend. 

“Oh wow dude.” Usahara mutters, clapping a hand to Kumatani’s shoulder. “That’s rough.”

“Shut. Up.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There’s mostly silence on the way back to your apartment with occasional attempts on your end to get a conversation going again. After the exchanges of goodbyes and goodnights, Usahara and Kumatani wait at your door, making sure you get inside and lock it behind you. They stand outside your door for a few seconds before turning around.

“I need a freaking drink.”

“Want to get a nightcap?”

“Sure, whatever.” Kumatani’s expression softens. “Hey, I am sorry about earlier. I honestly didn’t mean it that way. I know you wouldn’t...”

“Yeah, I figured.” Usahara sighs. “Still, you thought we might end up doing something if it was just us alone.”

“I don’t know what I thought.”

“Dude, playing dumb is my thing.”

“You are dumb.”

Usahara smiles. “So, what do we do?”

“What do you mean?” Kumatani looks genuinely confused. “About drinks?”

“Ugh, man, you’re depressing me.” Usahara whines. “Just be straight with me: are you going to ask her out or not?”

Kumatani scowls. “None of your business.”

“Fine, be that way.” Usahara's smile falls. “Hypothetically, what if she decides to date one of us?”

“I doubt it.”

“I mean, you might be the cool one, but girls like a good sense of humor.” Usahara says lightly, folding his hands behind his head. “And you’re about as dry as seaweed paper.”

“Can you take anything seriously?”

“I’m serious about her.” 

Usahara stops in his tracks; the bunny’s already out of the hutch. He’s never been one to bite his tongue and keep his thoughts to himself anyway. 

“I’m pretty sure when I tell her, she’s gonna laugh in my face, but I don’t care. If there’s even a small chance, I’m going for it. She’s worth it.” Usahara frowns. “Are we going to be okay?”

Kumatani’s mouth is downturned, considering the question sincerely. After years of knowing each other, Usahara can’t name an instance where they’ve fought. Bickering, sure, and plenty of times where Kumatani’s wrath has been activated or Usahara’s been irritated, but it’s never gotten serious. 

“I don’t think so.”

“You hesitated.”

“Well, what about you?” Kumatani asks defensively. “Are you going to cry if she starts dating someone?”

“...honestly?” Usahara chuckles sheepishly. “Probably. This really sucks.”

“No arguments there.” Kumatani concedes with a wry smile. “We have to be cool; we can’t count on Uramichi or Nekota to offer any sympathy about this, can we?”

“Yeah right; if she picks me, I’m going to rub it in your face.”

“I’m going to go back to her place right now and tell her that.”

“No! I’m sorry Kumatani, it was a joke, just a joke!”

“Hey, I like her too.”

“Uh,”

“I get it now.” Kumatani says quietly. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

Usahara’s stomach drops; this is exactly what he was dreading, but what is he going to do? Tell Kumatani to knock it off? Say “But I liked her first!” and call dibs? He feels childish enough; when Kumatani had so innocently put his hands on you to keep you propped upright, Usahara had to fight off another pesky impulse, this time to yank you into his arms and never let go.

“Took ya long enough.” Usahara yawns. “I changed my mind; I’m gonna go to bed so I can get up early.”

“Early?” Kumatani looks vaguely disbelieving. “You really don’t want to pay for breakfast, huh?”

“I’m paying either way.” Usahara shrugs. “Shouldn’t the guy pay on dates?”

Kumatani stands under the street light and Usahara can see the resolve in his gaze. 

“Does she know it’s a date?”

“Call it a test run.” Usahara shrugs his shoulders again. “See you later, Kumatani.”

“Later.” 

Kumatani nods stiffly; they walk away in opposite directions, satisfied to leave things on a tentative truce of sorts. Usahara knows he’s being a little sneaky, but he believes whatever happens, their friendship can survive the fall out. Ultimately the final decision is yours alone.

Until then, all's fair in love and war. 

[seokjins-luigi]

i hate everything about you | pt. 1 | pjm

・pairing: ex!jimin x ex!f!reader

・genre: exes to lovers | a lot of angst | a slightly little bit of a love triangle

18+

・word count: 6.7k

・summary: accidentally, you bump into your ex who, mind you, previously cheated on you. so you're 99% sure the only feeling you have left for him is sheer hate. but the 1% leaves you questioning.

・banner: by the amazing @kookdiaries

・A/N: firstly, i want to wish our baby mochi the happiest of birthdays! i really wanted to have something to post on his birthday, since i couldn't do it for any of our other boys this year ):

i also want to say that i'm really happy/surprised with the huge amount of attention the teaser for this fic got! i felt so inspired, thank you all for taking your time to share it and to talk to me about it too !! <3

i hope you enjoy this first part and i promise i won't take too long to put out part 2! here's a playlist for y'all to play as you read it, if you want to hehe also shoutout to the anon who asked for the black haired jimin header back lol this one's for you

as always, thank you to my fave person @primadonnasdream. without her, i would never be able to write any of my stories.

feedback is always appreciated, sweeties 💜

・permanent taglist: @goldenhoney-cas @yuugehn

・taglist: @imluckybitches @bbtsficrecs @minijagiya @jackinthethroat @arckyive @chimchimmarie @bex-92br @rkvi @hoseok666 @joonsytip @callmejimmeo @koreanaestheticc

There are about eighteen thousand bars in Seoul. You know this because you’ve just googled it. Out of curiosity? Not really. Just because you couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that out of all the bars in Seoul, all the eighteen thousand bars in Seoul, Jungkook had to pick the one where your ex is currently working. 

Not to blame it on Jungkook, poor guy. There was no way in hell he could know this and you’re sure that if you told him, he’d be crushed, since, according to him, he’s been trying to muster up the courage to ask you out for months. To be fair, you didn’t even know Jimin had left his partner, Seokjin, and his own bar to start working behind the counter again. Not that it's any of your business, anyway. He can go to hell for all you care, especially after dumping your ass three days before your four year anniversary for some random girl he met on that stupid fucking bar of his.

That fucking stupid bar he clearly didn’t even own anymore. Joke’s on him.

It broke your heart in a way you’re not sure it’s ever going to heal. He meant the world to you, all that butterfly bullshit and everything. When he left you, it felt like your world was falling to pieces. You shared a life, even shared a home. A small apartment near his stupid fucking bar, you were so happy when you two finally moved in together. 

Building intimacy takes time, compromising to someone else’s well being and happiness costs more than only your time. Learning how to share your space, your insecurities, your feelings, your everyday life. That shit takes time. Giving yourself to a person takes more than that. It takes courage. 

You gave all of that and much more to Park Jimin. But you regret doing so with every fiber of your being. Learning to live your life again without having him in it was one of the hardest things you’ve had to do so far.

You had your share of revenge after fucking his best friend, Taehyung, and making sure to tell him about it when you went to your apartment to get his stuff back. If you felt like shit, you had to try to make him feel at least one percent of the heartbreak you had been feeling. After that, you heard that he and Taehyung got into a physical fight and had cut ties. 

It was definitely not a very peaceful break up experience, both of you were extremely proud people and could not stand losing. It took you a great amount of therapy sessions in order to stop dreaming and thinking about him 24/7. 

Do you still believe in love after that? You’re not sure, probably not, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun. Jungkook was a very sweet and flirty distraction in the middle of your heartbreak. Not to mention the guy is hot as fuck, but right now, you swear you could just punch him in the face. 

Because out of all the bars in Seoul, here you are. At the one your fucking nasty ex boyfriend works in. 

As soon as you walked in, you felt something was off with this one. It felt like the universe itself was trying to spare you from this experience. Of course, you didn’t listen to your intuition, especially because Jungkook told you a friend of his has been talking wonders about the drinks from this specific bar. 

Once you looked over at the bar, you saw him. For a split second, you froze. He looked as gorgeous as ever, dark locks obscuring his eyes from where you could see. You didn't allow yourself to feel any type of way with the sight of him, you were over him, you definitely didn't want to go back to the pit where you recently came out of, thank you very much. He was too busy with whatever he was doing at the moment to notice you, fortunately. You just rushed over to Jungkook, locking your arms out of nervousness, leaving him quite giddy about it. 

Did you ask him to leave and look for another place to spend the night? No. 

Should you have done so? Maybe.

But you wouldn't deny yourself the satisfaction of showing Jungkook off to him in the place Jimin works. It didn't matter that only looking at him made you miss him more than words can ever say, you know that he’d feel pissed out of his mind. You’d deal with your feelings some other time.

“Looks nice, huh?” Jungkook asks you with a sweet smile hanging on his pierced lips, bringing you back to planet Earth.

You nod faintly, showing him a warm smile. 

“There's a balcony back there, do you see it?” He asks again, holding your hand now. You weren’t even able to react to Jungkook’s gestures properly, you were too lost in your thoughts about Jimin. “It’s got a very nice view of the city, if anything, we can take some nice photos here. You look hot, by the way”.

“Oh- I- Thanks, Jungkook. You too, by the way”, you tried smirking. “A-Are we getting a table or what?”

You usually don’t get thrown off by his compliments. You love when it happens, of course, but you’re usually good at flirting, you see he gets slightly puzzled as to why would you react like that all of a sudden.  

“Are you okay, Y/n?” He asks you, caressing the back of your hand with his thumb, a little concern can be sensed in his voice tone. 

“Of course! Why do you ask?” You reply, tilting your head a bit, trying to sound convincingly confused. 

You would not simply ruin your date by mentioning your ex boyfriend is the bartender he’s been listening compliments about.  

“Nevermind… Why don’t you go ahead and grab us a spot on the balcony? I’ll do the honors and order our drinks. Any preferences?”

“Surprise me”, you challenge him, squeezing his hand before letting go of it, still trying to hold the confident demeanor he’s used to. 

You head over to the balcony, not really looking over at the bar, trying your best to forget about the fact that Jimin was here and could notice you’re here too at any moment. The most annoying thing about this situation is that you’re feeling too nervous about seeing him. Much more than you should be.

So what Jimin is here? You’re over him, remember? Get your shit together. You’re here with Jungkook, enjoy your date.

You try distracting yourself by scrolling on your social media, not really paying attention to anything in particular, just trying to keep your mind away from Jimin. You can’t really understand why you feel almost shaky, maybe that’s how your body reacts to someone you hate. 

You only had the courage to look into his direction again when you felt Jungkook was coming back to your table, with a warm expression adorning his beautiful features, holding two drinks in his hands. It would have been the beginning of a nice date, if you couldn’t see Jimin’s eyes shooting daggers in your direction from above Jungkook’s shoulder. 

Yes, he’s seen you already. Of course he’s seen you. 

Naturally, since you noticed Jimin’s eyes on you, you were simply not able to relax. Jungkook was acting like his normal charming self, completely unaware of what was going on inside your head. You simply nodded whenever it felt like he was waiting for a reply from you.

“Why are you nodding? Did you hear what I said?” He asks you, with an embarrassed half smile, making you feel slightly guilty for not giving him the attention he deserves.

Damn you, Park Jimin.

“Sorry, Kook, I zoned out for a second. What was the question again?”

“I said the restrooms here are amazing and that you should see it”, he repeats himself, pointing to the drink in front of you, he continues. “I need to use the toilet again, by the way, do you want another mimosa?”

“Oh, sure. Thanks”, you reply with a gentle smile, the nicest one you could flash at him.

You honestly liked him. He was a very good person, from what you could tell. Unfortunately, you completely lost the focus on this date, maybe it was your fight or flight instincts taking over your thoughts, but the only thing you could think about was Jimin’s burning gaze on you and how badly you wanted to escape.

You were pretty sure you got over him, he’s your past. That’s a fact. He is past, there’s no other way. The idea that he can look at you like you’re doing something wrong by moving on with your life makes you feel livid, that’s all there is to it. 

He’s always had the talent to make everything be about him, but this time around it genuinely pisses you off. This whole situation was actually just a coincidence, he’s the one needing to get over himself.

“So, who’s the idol wannabe?” A voice startles you.

A voice you know all too well.

Following the sound of this voice with your eyes, you contemplate the one and only Park Jimin, the man who cheated on you. The once love of your life. You refuse to allow his presence to affect you in any type of way, though.

“Idol wannabe?” You snort, crossing your arms in front of your chest. “Oh, you mean my date? Wow, Mini, you sound so frustrated when you put it like that… Cause, you know, you’re an ex idol wannabe too”.

“Very funny, babe. Who’s the guy?” He jerks his head in the direction Jungkook went, with an authoritative expression on his face.

Like he had any right to be asking you questions about your life. 

“What’s that, Mini? A public jealousy display?” You figured the best way to deal with him was by not giving him what he wants.

“Isn't that what you wanted bringing him to the place I work?”

“I can’t believe- Why do you think I care about how you feel or don’t feel, Park Jimin-ssi?” You blurt out, trying to keep your composure as much as possible. The last thing you want is to make a scene. “It’s funny that you think I’d give myself the trouble to make you feel jealous. I didn't even know you left The Wave”.

“And you expect me to believe that?” He cocks his brows, eyes not leaving your face. “You're a character, Y/l/n Y/n-ssi”.

“As I’ve stated before, Park Jimin-ssi, I do not care about anything that’s related to you anymore. I’m sorry if my presence here feels like an insult or whatever, but, you know… You should have moved on with your life by now too”, as you spit these words at him, you see his eyes flickering with an indignation he would not be allowed to lash out the way you know he wants to, because, after all, this is where he works. “So, if you excuse me, my date can come back at any second and I have no interest in letting him know you’re my ex”.

He grimaced, not uttering another word. That is so unlike him, it’s funny... and kind of weird. He has quite the explosive demeanor and you know you were kind of harsh to him right now. You almost feel guilty, but then you remember how humiliating it was finding out about his infidelity.

What he made you go through was way worse. 

Placing a Daiquiri glass in front of you on the table, he smirks, but you see his smile does not really meet his eyes, covered by a darker cloak you couldn’t actually explain where it came from. 

“Alright, Y/n-ssi. Here’s your drink”, bowing to you, as he takes his leave. “You’re looking as gorgeous as ever. Good luck with your idol boy”. 

“Jimin-ssi, that’s not really what we ordered”, you raise your voice tone slightly, just so you made sure he could hear you.

“Oh, I know, babe. But we both know you’re not really much of a mimosa woman”, he answers, the irony lying underneath every single one of the words that came out of his mouth, turning to you again. “I know you very well, unlike your date, apparently. Don’t worry, this one’s a little more expensive, so, it’s on me”.

He blinks at you, turning on his heels again, this time around not taking another glance in your direction again, leaving you with an almost bittersweet taste in your mouth, that only goes away when you see Jungkook’s smile getting near you again. 

He sits in front of you again and you honestly don’t understand how you allowed Jimin to get under your skin for even a split second. Jungkook was everything you could ask for a guy to be: stunning, into you and not your complicated ex.

“A daiquiri?” He asks you in a gentle tone, knitting his brows together. “Sorry, I guess the bartender didn't understand what I said”.

“No. It’s fine, I’ve started drinking this one already”, you state.

It’s kind of cute that he paid attention to you to a degree in which he noticed the drink you were having. He’s a sweetheart, but Jimin was right, at the end of the day. You’re not much of a mimosa girl. 

“Don't worry, he’s the one who made the mistake… I’m sure he’ll bring you a new one”, Jungkook turns in what you know is Jimin's direction, with his right arm raised, gesturing for him to come over to your table. Then, he turns back to you, with a sweet smile hanging from his pierced lips. “He’s coming”.

Jungkook calling him over was something you simply didn't expect to happen, you didn't have time to react, to think about something to say or for a reason to stop him. You figured you couldn’t have a very strong reaction here, since for all that matters to your date, this guy is just the bartender, not your ex-boyfriend from a relationship that ended really badly. 

Naturally, it doesn’t take Jimin more than ten seconds to get to you, and knowing Jimin, he would stop anything he was doing so he could come over and be petty, if possible. 

“Can I help you?” You hear his voice, but refuse to turn your head in his direction.

You know he’s looking at you, though.

“We have actually ordered a mimosa, but, maybe there was some confusion, and we ended up getting a daiquiri instead. I was wondering if there’s something we can do about it”, Jungkook had both sides of his mouth turned up in a likeable smile, as he gazed in Jimin’s direction. 

You know Jungkook’s niceness would only piss Jimin off even more. 

“Oh, yes, the daiquiri. There’s no mistake, actually”, Jimin mimics the smile Jungkook flashed at him, but you know his isn't a heartfelt one. “I think it suits her better than a mimosa. Anything else?”

“I’m sorry?” Your date’s brows snapped together and the niceness in his smile dissolved into disbelief. “How did you come to a conclusion about the type of drink she prefers?”

“Oh, believe me, I know it”, Jimin snapped back, in a controlled tone. 

Jungkook’s eyes darted in your direction, kind of looking for some sort of endorsement to what he was saying to Jimin, obviously baffled by the boldness of this guy. He, obviously, didn’t find the same kind of expression on your features. It didn’t take him too long to understand that something was off, in a split second, you saw the realization dawning in his face.

You felt cold to your bones, concentrating on using every single bit of what was left from your self control in order not to run away from this bar and leave both of them bickering over the goddamned daiquiri.

“Well, she seems pleased with your choice of drink”, Jungkook tried, clearing his throat. “Thank you for your service, I guess. Keep up with the good work”.

Jimin bows to Jungkook and then to you. 

The atmosphere Jimin leaves behind is so heavy you can almost touch it, you feel the air weighing all around you and Jungkook, who was focused on playing with the napkins on the right side of your table. You open your mouth, but the words just refuse to leave your lips.

You don't even know how to start. What could you possibly say in a situation like that? Most importantly, would you be able to actually explain anything without bursting into tears in front of Jungkook? Not only did you run into your ex for the first time in almost a year, but also he had to come over and make a scene in front of the guy you were seeing.

It was only your second date with Jungkook, after going out for a very nice dinner, in which the two of you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing at each other’s jokes. If only you two had gone two any other of the eighteen thousand bars in this city, you would have never seen Jimin and you’d also not be feeling this terrible uneasiness in your chest.

“So”, Jungkook breaks the silence, but you see he’s still looking at his hands as if those damn napkins were the most amusing thing in the world. “You apparently know each other”. 

“We do. But honestly, I don’t really want to get onto this, Jungkook. Sorry”, you confess, not really knowing if you’re angry or simply dejected by this encounter.

Jungkook could have also just not mentioned the fact that it was clear you and Jimin have some kind of history. Why do men have to be so clueless all the time? Honestly, it feels like a curse liking men sometimes. The whole situation was so off putting, you truly just wanted to go home, it didn’t matter Jungkook was hot and the nicest guy ever, Jimin was able to kill the mood for you completely.

You see Jungkook is fighting some sort of  internal battle and you feel extremely bad for being the reason behind it.. He had been the sweetest person you had a date with in a very long time. You obviously were not ready to try dating again, Jimin was still all over you, and unfortunately, not only figuratively speaking.

"I'm so sorry for dragging you into this mess", you finally break the silence, making Jungkook look at you again. "I honestly don't feel so good right now…"

"Yeah, I imagined. All I can do is wholeheartedly tell you that it's alright if you wanna go home or something. I don't really know what happened between the two of you, but I can tell something definitely happened", he sympatized and you could tell he was being genuine, not really knowing why, you just saw it in his eyes.

You feel like going home, for sure. Just laying in bed for a couple of hours and crying your eyes out would be the only medicine for this. Maybe, tomorrow after work, you’d need the “best friend plus romantic sad movies combo”, but you’d be alright. Unfortunately, seeing Jimin after this time apart was not as easy as you thought. You just knew that the lump in your throat wouldn't just disappear after installing itself there once again.

Looking deep into Jungkook's eyes, searching for some sort of judgment or resentment, which you do not find, you muster up the strength to be fully honest. If nothing, he deserved it.

"I do want to go, Jungkook", you confess, taking his hand, that rested upon the table, into yours and squeezing it lightly. "I'm really sorry for being a louzy date tonight. I promise I'll try to make it up to you".

"Hey, don't worry…" He says softly. Jungkook squeezes your hand back, but lets go of it and pulls it back, leaving yours hanging on the table by itself. "I have kind of waited a long time to ask you out, but I can wait some more. Date number one was amazing, but we can’t always win. I just want us to have a good time together. I'll let you make it up to me, it's fine".

“I’m really sorry…”

“It’s fine”, he shakes his head, a soft smile hanging loosely on his pierced lips, sounding convincing enough to you. He is genuinely a good person. “But for out next date, you’re the one who should be asking me out. Deal?”

He extends his tattooed hand to you, still beaming at you. 

“Fair enough”, you shake his hand back, feeling a little better for his reassurance. “Deal”.

You must be the most stupid person to ever walk this earth and you know it. Losing your chance with a guy like Jungkook is one of the most ridiculous things you've ever put yourself through. But what can you objectively do? You just ran into your ex and it was awful. You just wanted to cry curled up onto your pillows until you forgot, once again, what the sound of Jimin's voice felt like against your ears. You were in no mood for small talk and flirtation anymore. It was better ending the night like this, than being a statue around him, right? And if he said you could make it up to him later, you could really try to. 

You know that if you weren't feeling this blue, you'd be embarassed as fuck. Maybe, tomorrow, you will. 

Jungkook insists on paying for your drinks, saying that you could pay on the next time. Good to know that he's really counting on a next time and he didn't say it just to be polite before. Fortunately, he doesn't really offer to take you home and you call yourself a car. All you wanted was to be alone with your thoughts for a while.

This whole situation wouldn't be this awful if you didn't feel Jimin's eyes on you the whole fucking time. You knew he was watching the whole scene unravel in front of his eyes with an indescribable delight. 

Indeed, he won this time. But you could only hope that this was the only battle he'd win from now on. You needed to find your way back to yourself. 

And you will, it’ll just take you a little bit of time again.

The light breeze gently touches your skin, as you feel the warmness of the rising sun delicately kissing your hair. The star emerges from behind the hills, as you stand in front of them, tall and strong, deeply rooted to the depths of the earth.

Suddenly, you hear a very loud noise, sounding like a distant bell. Looking around you, you’re not able to find the source of it. It’s not possible that it’s coming from one of the trees, is it?

You hear it again, this time, longer and more annoyingly depriving you from enjoying this beautiful day out in the meadows.

But then, you realize this is a dream. And as soon as the realization hits you, you wake up. You hate being an occasional lucid dreamer, who wakes up as soon as you notice you’re in a dream. It has prevented you from fulfilling many of your fantasies with your celebrity crushes because you always feel like the scenarios are too good to be true.

Then you hear the unblessed noise that woke you up one more time, noticing it’s been the sound of your doorbell this whole time. Finally finding your phone, after your hands grop on your bedside table looking for it, you see it’s 3:27 in the morning. Why the hell would anyone ring your doorbell in such an ungodly hour? 

Well, a burglar wouldn’t ring the doorbell, right? You reason, trying not to freak the fuck out. 

The doorbell rings one more time, then you hear what seems to be a muffled attempt at verbal communication. Should you go to the door? Should you call the cops? You have no idea. 

It could be one of your neighbors looking for help. What if it was an emergency?

“Mrs. Hong? Is that you?” You blurted, voice a bit shaky from the anticipation. 

You hear another muffled response, not really understanding anything this person is saying, but you know it definitely isn’t Mrs. Hong. 

Fuck, Y/n, are you stupid? Whoever this is, now they know you’re inside!

You feel your whole body starting to tremble, heartbeat racing as the worst images possible flash through your mind. You want to go back to your bedroom, call the cops and hide under your bed until someone comes to save you from whoever is this weirdo at your doorstep. The sound of your parents’ voice saying you were crazy for moving out of their house to live by yourself echo through your brain and you can feel the tears start brewing in the corners of your eyes when you’re able to distinguish a word from the muffled bumbling from outside your door.

You are positive you heard the person finishing their sentence with a “babe”. Instantly, you feel a warm wave of relaxation invading your body, in contrast with the uneasy feeling you had a minute ago. You know exactly who it is on the other side of your door. Looking at the peephole, you find the exact person you expected to see leaning against your door frame. Park Jimin. A very, very drunk Park Jimin, from what you can see.

Your hand goes straight to the door handle, opening the door with a blunt movement. When he realizes what’s happening, his eyes land on yours and you see them turning into the shapes of small crescent moons, as a smile rests on his plumpy lips. 

“You almost gave me a fucking heart attack, Jimin-ssi! What the fuck are you doing here?” you bark, watching the smile disappear from his face. 

“Sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to scare you! I just want to talk to you and if I’m here, it’s your fault! I could have just called, but you fucking blocked me everywhere”, he pants in a high pitched voice, one he uses when he’s allowing his irritating to take control over him. 

“It’s almost four in the morning… You’re clearly drunk… I really don’t want to do this, Jimin”, you state, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Please, get the fuck out of here before you disturb my neighbors too”.  

Slamming the door on his face, you turn on your heels towards your bedroom, but before you’re able to walk four steps in its direction, Jimin’s voice can be heard from the inside again. Only this time, he didn’t have his face buried on your door and he was shouting in front of your house.

“Y/n-ssi! I just want to talk to you, pleaseee”, and the there was a knock on your door. “Y/n-ssi! Let me in, Y/n-ssi!”

You feel your blood boiling like magma in your veins, knowing you gave him the perfect weapon to use against you when you mentioned your neighbors. He knows you wouldn’t want these people to talk about you, to talk about the guy who was making a fuss by yelling your name for the whole street to hear in front of your house. You know him and you know that he knows how he plays his games, even when he’s drunk. In a blunt movement, you open the door and grab Jimin by his coat, this time, dragging him inside. 

For a second, the two of you just stare at each other. Due to the closeness, you’re able to sense the scent of his cologne, the musky one you gave him on the last Valentine’s day the two of you have spent as a couple. You hate him even more for not getting rid of what’s left of you in him. 

“You wanted to talk, didn’t you? So, talk!” You hiss, crossing your arms in front of your chest, feeling the need to break the silence before you did something you’d end up regretting.

He blinks, clearly still mesmerized by the fact that his lousy strategy to get you to do what he wanted worked. 

“I saw you left not even five minutes later from that… Well, awkward moment”, he wiggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly as he speaks. “You got yourself a nice suitor, huh?”

“The moment was awkward all thanks to you!” You fumed, unconsciously raising your pointer finger in his direction. “You asshole!”

“Why am I the asshole here? I just told him the truth!” He stated emphatically, with a flicker in his eyes you were just not able to identify precisely.

You were able to smell the alcohol in his breath, due to the closeness, and you felt even more disgusted to be in his presence.

“After cheating on me, you think you have the right to come back and interfere in my love life?” You whisper, angrily. It feels like the temperature in your house is rising, but you know it’s just your anger making you feel hot on the inside. “What did I do to you, Jimin-ssi? Why do you feel like destroying my life every chance you get? Just leave me alone!” 

You see your words have an effect on him and whatever he was about to say, you feel like your words have just stopped him from going on. He sighs loudly and when you were about to kick him out of your house, he starts again.

“Who… Who is he, babe?” He looked down as the question finally left his lips. 

You almost missed him, his arms around you, his voice whispering soft words in your ears. You almost allow his vulnerable demeanor to get to you.

Almost, but you know better.

Sighing, just like he did seconds ago, you voiced.

“Why do you even care, Jimin? You have nothing to do with my life anymore, you know?” You run your hands through your hair, nervously, looking away from him for a second. “As I’ve told you earlier today, you should’ve moved on by now, after all, you were the one who chatead. Own up to your mistakes, dear, you’re a grown ass man. And stop calling me babe!”

He looks at you, wide eyed after you snap at him. The fact that after all these months without seeing him, you were finally able to say everything you wanted to say to his face brought you some sort of relief. 

“When I saw you today, after all the time we’ve been apart, I realized that's the problem… I have nothing to do with your life anymore. I miss you, Y/n”.

It's so hard to hear him saying those things. Mostly, because, deep down you know you miss him too. It hurts so bad to know that you can never have him back, despite loving him. You'd never be able to truly let go of what he did to you. Acknowledging it was the hardest part, it felt like the lump in your throat just got bigger. 

“You can't change that unless you have a time machine”, you said under your breath, more to yourself than to him.

“I can't believe he took this away from me too… Fuck…", he snorts, rubbing his face harshly with both of his hands.”

“What are you trying to say? Who is he?", you ask him impatiently. You would not have him just throwing crazy and riddled information at you at this point. "Are you talking about Taehyung?

“No. It's not about Taehyung. Nevermind", his eyelids drop as he mumbles.

“Really? Is that how shit’s gonna go down? You come to my house to pester me in the middle of the night like you had the right to still be in my life after what you did? And you talk in riddles, like, if there's something I still need to know, now's the only time!” You stop, trying to find the right words to try to get to him as much as he did to you. He didn't move, his eyes were still closed as you spoke. As he made no move, you felt like you could continue. “You know what’s funny, though? I guess if things had worked out with miss thing, you wouldn’t be here right now. So, thank you for showing me you’re just a lonely piece of shit. It's good to know you're in pain too”. 

“You still have no idea, do you?” He snorts, mouth agape as he eyed you.

“Oh well, I don't know if I do. Please, enlighten me, Jimin-ssi. Did the illuminati make you cheat on me or something?"” Scorn spewing out of your words.

He looks at you once more, his eyes burning with longing. It just made your blood boil even more inside of your veins.

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I can’t even say how all of that broke my heart in, like, one million pieces”, he whimpered lowly, his head down as the words left his lips, not really entertaining your mockery.

You snort. 

“How all of that broke your heart? Have you considered that if you had not cheated, we’d still be together? Have you thought about how all of that broke my heart?” You poke him angrily on his chest, feeling the unwelcome misery settling once more in your chest once you heard Jimin’s words. “It was all your fault, Jimin! If we’re not together right now, it's your fault! You broke my heart!”

You vomit all those words at him, holding back the years with every single bit of strength left in you. His eyes travel up to meet yours as you spoke, Jimin’s features are clouded by something you can’t quite name. Is it regret? It must be, it’s the only thing that makes sense. Maybe he’s genuinely sad about it too, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Or maybe there was really something he was trying to tell. 

Whatever it is, hee deserves to deal with it on his own. You don’t have to allow him to drag you back to the hole of pain you were able to come out of, very recently, by the way.

“You’re right, Y/n-ssi. It was all my fault. I shouldn’t have come here, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He sighs, running his hands through his dark locks that fell to the sides, looking partially messed, in a very attractive way. “Again, I’m sorry. For everything. Maybe, someday-”.

“Yeah, sure. It doesn’t matter anymore”, you cut him short. You just can’t do this anymore, you can’t listen to him whining. Not without bursting into tears and you definitely didn't want to cry in front of him. 

On the other hand, the attraction you feel for him, right now, standing before your front door, his features barely lit by the only source of light coming from your bedroom behind you. You hate him for still looking great, for still messing with you, for still being the most handsome man you’ve ever seen. You hate yourself too for feeling like that about him, after all this time.

“Is… This guy. Is he nice to you?” He breaks the silence, his voice as soft as feather touch against your ears.

“He’s just a guy, Jimin. But just stop… Stop asking”, you mutter. “Please, just go”.

He nods, still gazing at you with his magnetic dark eyes.

“I hope you know this”, he points to himself and to you, as he jerks his head in your direction. “Us. Me being here. It means I still have very strong feelings for you. Very strong feelings I can’t control, I guess”.

“I don’t wanna know, Jimin-ssi. Really”.

“I’m sorry, but by the way you still look at me… I’m sure there's still something there. Maybe you’ve done a nice job locking it away, but I know it’s still there”.

“I don’t-”, you stop yourself, and turn to him with a louder tone. “Just fucking go!”

The control you had over yourself so far was gone, you just want him out of your sight. Hopefully, out of your mind too.

When it finally seemed like he was ready to leave, he turned to you once more, gazing intensely into your eyes. Before you had the chance to tell him the get the fuck out for the last time, he had his arms around your waist and his lips found yours; hungrily. 

His kiss was exactly the way you remembered. Intense. Passionate. Breathtaking. Right. It just felt like home. His tongue pursues yours in a fervent twirl and your tongue corresponds in the same intensity. His hand travels upwards, resting on the nape of your neck, spreading a pleasurable warm sensation where it touched. 

He pins you up against the wall, his lips not leaving yours for a split second. He pressed his body against yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck, enclosing any space that could be left between your body and his. He felt so warm against you and the way his touch felt against your skin made it impossible for your brain to think about anything other than the right now and how much you longed for him.

“I’ve missed this”, he said softly, his plumpy lips against yours. “So much”.

He presses his lips against yours once more, but now you realize you can taste the soju on his tongue. Then, you come to your senses.

You’re missing your drunk ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night. This is the man who cheated on you. The man who made a fool out of you and didn’t give a fuck about your feelings. You swore you wouldn't allow him to touch ever again. Here you are, breaking your own promise. Worse part is, maybe he won’t even remember anything that was said or done when we wakes up tomorrow.

In an instinctive impulse, you push him as hard as you can, trying to create as much distance as possible from Jimin. You don't face him long enough to know what happens to him, besides the confused look on his face after forcing him away from you.

“Jimin-ssi… Just get the fuck out of my house”, you start babbling, but trying to control the wobbliness in your voice. 

You hate yourself for being so weak, all it took him was a kiss and you almost dropped all the defenses you’d worked so hard to build up.

“Y/n, just hear me out, please… I wanna tell you everything”, he cried out, his somewhat wobbly voice coming from behind you.

“Jimin, please!” You murmur, imploring. “Just leave me alone.

And there was silence. It felt like time had stopped, you just focused on not allowing the weight on your chest to take over you. You don’t know how long it takes, but you hear your front door being slammed, then all you could do was allow yourself the tears you were holding back to roll down your cheeks in an attempt to release this pain from your chest.

part 2

[chronicbeans]

I LOBE U SM LITERALLY YOU INCREASE MY MOOD HORMONES ( seratonin n oxytonin if ur wondering ) WHAT ABT WALLY N THE GANG WITH A COLLEGE OR HIGHSCHOOL READER (platonic fr fr) AND THEY'RE CURIOUS ABT THEIR HW ??

" what's the Pascal's triangle? SOCAHTAH? what's that? "

" literally satan's children idk what to tell you "

and the reader becomes their lil teacher idk abt human things 🥰🥰🥰

thx lizard 🦎🦎

Omg this is so cool! Thank you so much I am so glad I could make you happy by doing something as small as writing fanfiction!

Just a quick heads up, I feel like my high school experience was probably a bit different than most people's, because I took a health/medical career center. Basically, I only had three core classes at the end of the day with the morning ones all being taken up by my health/medical class. So, because I am basing this off of my experience (due to it being all I know), it might be a bit strange to most who didn't take a career center!

Wally and the Gang with a High School Student Reader (Platonic fr fr)

📖 So, you somehow ended up getting the Welcome Home gang involved with your school work. Now they keep you up all night asking you what a "Bermuda Triangle", "War", and even what a "Demand Curve" is.

📖 You better hope that they don't find any of your anatomy or biology homework or textbooks. The thought of them asking absolutely ANYTHING involving those topics is humiliating on its own! You don't want to end up explaining the human body to a small little puppet. Or big dog puppet. Or ANY puppet!

📖 Once, Wally had asked you what "these" were while pointing to a picture in your medical book that showed the organ systems. When you explained, halfheartedly, about how they kept you alive and were inside of your body, his pupils just dilated. Right as you turned around to go back to your homework, you were horrified when his first question was "I wanna see them! How can I see them?"

📖 Frank will be interested in your science books, especially if they include stuff about ecosystems. He knows butterflies are in there, somewhere, because some of the pictures include them. Mostly very low on some big chain. When you explain about how that is a food chain, you are shocked to see him cry for the first time about how his butterflies are being eaten. Apparently the books in Welcome Home never told him that. Then again, the show never included any animals besides insects and the animal neighbors as far as you remember.

📖 Sally wants to know more about this "Shakespeare" guy your English class keeps talking about. He made plays, right? He must be a pretty swell guy! Can she meet him? Oh! And can you teach her more about the planets and solar system?

📖 Basically, every neighbor will have a specific subject they show interest in. Sally, Barnaby, and Eddie will love English. Howdy would like math, simply because he has no idea how this "money stuff" works or why it is so important. Poppy and Julie will like home economics, Poppy for the food science and Julie for the clothing. Home would also like home economics because they are literally a Home. Frank likes science, specifically for the animals and butterflies. Wally would love anatomy and any medical classes because he wants to learn more about YOU.

[onehundredandeleventropicalfish]

So, fandom seems to have all jumped on the Dream-can-shapeshift train. Mostly from Alex’s dream where Morpheus gets his revenge in the show. And then likely Tale of a Thousand Cats.

However in the comics, Alex is following the cat that was sacrificed to summon Death and then Dream shows himself. And it’s also a bit clearer that the cat (like any living thing) is viewing Dream’s feline aspect.

So the question is…do you think Dream (or any Endless) Can shape shift in canon? Or is this just a headcanon run wild because it makes for good fan fiction?

i mean, i'm never one for ruining fandom's fun, so i think if people are enjoying that headcanon, then by all means run wild with it - there's no reason why he couldn't, in theory, shapeshift

(he can certainly modify elements of his appearance, see: i hate it when you get big, or delirium changing forms every five seconds)

and i think going back to the comics it's not necessarily a given that the cat in alex's dream isn't dream?

however you are right in that shapeshifting is not normally what dream is doing when we see him change forms

and i definitely get where the confusion is coming from, particularly for show only fans, because the show doesn't really explain what's going on, the best you have to infer it is the kai'ckul scene, and if you haven't read the comics i think it's a little hard to follow that to the correct conclusion

but i think the actual answer is even cooler! so, for show fans who are interested, i'll avoid plot spoilers on this one, but to explain what's actually happening

the endless have thousands and thousands of forms, one for every species and culture that experiences them, in this case, everyone who dreams has a personalized Dream

and every endless is always all of those forms at once - it's likened to gemstones, in the comics, you only see one facet at a time, but that doesn't mean there isn't many more, and if you turn it you'll see a different shape - but the stone was always all of those shapes (and we'll never be able to see the true form of the endless in the same way you can't infer the whole diamond when all you can see is one triangle)

who knows how the endless see each other when they're alone, with no other creature to inform their shape, but the fact that dream always looks human is explicitly because the reader is a character in the story. we have to look at him to read the comics or watch the tv show, and therefore we will see him in a familiar shape

still, that familiar shape is nothing but whatever you call an optical illusion when it concerns all of your senses

it's not a hologram, you can touch him, he can interact with things, and it looks like he's doing so as a human - but the endless do bend reality just a little bit around them, and to a different species of observer dream's gonna interact with things in a slightly different way. again to the gemstones, it's like we're 2d beings trying to watch a 3d shape move around - there's always going to be some motion that seems nonsensical and makes it look like the 3d shape is changing forms, because we can't see that extra dimension informing it

even among humans, like we saw with nada - it doesn't always mean you'll see the pale skinny dream. it depends on who's watching

(what they were trying to convey in that scene in the show, is that matthew is seeing the dream played by tom sturridge the whole time, but nada only ever sees kai'ckul - dream doesn't change shape, the camera changes perspective)

so if a human and a cat are looking at dream at the same time, the human will see our familiar dream, and the cat will see the king of cats - but he's both, he's always been both, and he's never going to stop being both

and yeah, while i have absolutely no issue with "hob has to deal with meowpheus" fic (i say this with love, but let's be real, it's always dreamling fic), i'd love to see more of "hob has to deal with the realisation that dream is in cat form right now, he just can't see it"

[bro-atz]

at some point, we grow up

in which: you and minjae are neighbors and grew up together not being able to stand each other, only for feelings to change as you got older

pair: minjae/gn!reader (brief moments of junmin/gn!reader)

word count: 6k

content: fluff, childhood friends, enemies to not really enemies?? (friends to lovers??? enemies to lovers???), barely friends, love triangle andioop, high school romance, kissing, one-sided crushes, love thy neighbor

apply for the permanent taglist here!

“Hey, it’s my turn to build the castle!”

You snatched the tiny shovel from your friend, only for him to snatch it right back. Upset, you complained to his mom. “Auntie! Minjae won’t let me build the castle!”

“Minjae, it is Y/N’s turn, so give the shovel back,” Minjae’s mom came in clutch.

“But this is our sandbox, and it’s in our yard. Y/N lives next door,” Minjae said, making somewhat of a valid point.

“Okay, but you suck at building castles. If I do it, then at least we’ll have an actual castle that won’t fall apart in two seconds.”

“I’ll crush your castle in one second, then.”

“Auntie!”

That’s was pretty much how most of your childhood went: playing in the backyard with your next door neighbor, Minjae. The aunties in the neighborhood liked to joke that the two of you would grow up and get married, but they’d immediately take it back when they saw you chase Minjae around the neighborhood with a worm on a stick or a ball of mud. Minjae was also afraid of heights, and you used that to torment him whenever he was being mean or annoying by grabbing one of his shoes then climbing up a tree so that he couldn’t get it, thus earning the nickname of monkey (well, Minjae was the only one who ever called you monkey).

On your way to school, you would never, ever sit next to him on the bus. He was a popular kid, so he sat in the back of the bus. You, on the other hand, wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible, so you sat in the very first seat. Sure, you were neighbors and would play together after school, but that didn’t mean you had to be friends with him in school. Honestly, you wouldn’t even categorize Minjae as being a friend. He was a last resort— someone you tolerated just enough that you would let go of whatever grievances you have with him in order to avoid a boring day at home.

Minjae seemed to be the same way. At school, he wanted nothing to do with you. When it was time for recess, he and his friends would be on the court playing basketball while you and your friends would play on the playground swinging from the monkey bars or going down the slide or just sitting on the swing waiting for the wind to push you. Even if you both were in the same homeroom, you would keep your distance. He didn’t want people knowing he was your neighbor, and likewise you with him.

There were eleven houses on your block, and the families on the block would gather for potlucks every so often. You and Minjae were the oldest out of all the kids. The rest of the kids were younger than you by a year or two difference, but when you’re a kid, a year is such a huge difference. You and Minjae never wanted to interact with the younger kids because they were so young and obnoxious, and the two of you had more experience in life. That being said, you hated that there was no one else for you to really hang out with at those dinners.

Usually, during these dinners, the families would be busy eating and chatting in the dining room while the rest of the kids would sit in the living room, eating and talking or watching TV. The younger kids always wanted to play while the older kids opted to watch TV. The two of you would sit together— but not too close— and just watch whatever was playing in silence.

The running joke during these dinners was that you and Minjae were going to end up together (which wasn’t really refuted by the time you both entered middle school because you stopped chasing Minjae around with bugs), but you and Minjae still got annoyed by the teasing to the point where the two of you stopped hanging out after school— heck, you both had to walk home after school, but you never walked together even though you were next door neighbors. That being said, you would still reluctantly keep each other company at these stupid neighborhood block dinners.

“Dude, you’re breathing so loud. Shut up,” you told Minjae at one of the dinners while kicking his leg.

You both were in your final year of middle school. The other kids were in their own world as per usual, and you and Minjae decided to watch a movie as per usual, but Minjae was breathing too loud for you to watch the movie.

“I’m not breathing loud. You are.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

The two of you started kicking each other while yelling insults at each other.

“Do you have a problem with watching a movie silently or something? Just stop breathing for a second!” you said with complete annoyance.

“Your nose is the one that keeps whistling! Remind me to tell auntie to make you get plastic surgery— that should also help fix your ugly monkey face,” Minjae shot back.

“You’re the ugly one, mop head! If you won’t stop breathing, then I’ll make you stop breathing!”

You got Minjae in a headlock and pinned him to the ground, hoping that if you choked him hard enough that he’d stop breathing and you could watch the movie in peace.

“Ew, get a room,” one of the boys commented as he looked at the two of you.

“Shut up, Hyunwoo,” both you and Minjae spat out.

“Aw, you both are synced up and everything. You’re totally meant to be,” Sumin, one of the more chaotic boys of the group, teased.

“Bro, I will make you stop breathing, too,” you warned him.

“Ha, I’d like to see you try!”

Next thing you all knew, everyone worked together to tear you and Sumin apart. You had your hand around his neck while he had your hair bunched up in his fists. Jinsik, Sumin’s best friend, was pulling Sumin away while Yujun, one of the youngest boys, worked on getting his fingers out of your hair. Junghoon, Hyunwoo’s best friend, and Hyunwoo pulled your hands away from Sumin’s neck while Minjae had his arms wrapped around your waist and tried to pull you away that way. Hunter, Seeun, and Yechan, the other younger kids of the group, were busy laughing at the whole scene.

“You both gotta stop before the parents see, guys!” Yujun rationalized.

Reluctantly, the two of you released one another. You glared at Sumin, who responded with a stink eye. You lunged at the annoying-ass boy again, but Minjae was still holding you back.

“F— Minjae! Let go!” you nearly swore as you tried to wriggle out of his grasp.

Immediately, Minjae let go, earning a look of disgust from you.

“See? Meant to be,” Sumin teased once more.

“I’ll kill you!”

The rest of the night consisted of the other eight boys trying desperately to keep you and Sumin away from each other.

One day on your way back from school in the wintertime, it was snowing outside. You, like an idiot, forgot to bring a scarf or a hat to protect yourself from the snow. Snow didn’t bother you like that, but it did make your hair wet, and you always got sick after walking outside in the cold with wet hair. You stood by the exit and sighed deeply before walking outside into the winter wonderland.

After two minutes of walking in the snow, your hair was covered with thick chunks of snowflakes. You brushed the snow out of your hair before it could melt when you suddenly felt something land on your head— a hat. You looked to your side to see Minjae walking right next to you bundled up in his winter jacket, his face buried in a knit scarf.

“Thanks...” you mumbled while you put the hat on properly. “I’ll return it to you later.”

“No, that’s for you. Mom made it for you and told me to give it to you. I kept forgetting,” Minjae said roughly.

“Oh… Tell her I said thanks.”

“Will do.”

After the conversation ended, you thought Minjae was going to walk ahead to maintain some distance between you two, so you were surprised to see that he was walking right next to you. You didn’t want to say anything because, while you didn’t really care for his company, it was nice not walking home alone for once. The entire walk home, you both were completely silent while listening to your own music with your own ears buds in both ears, but you kept each other company.

High school was pretty much the same as elementary school. You thought you and Minjae had gotten closer since middle school, but he went right back to his old ways after middle school ended, but you weren’t bothered because you had your own friends and the two of you didn’t even have classes together, so you really weren’t upset that the distance between you two grew. Well, that’s how it was freshman year. Sophomore year, however, things changed.

There was a new family that moved into the block. There was an older couple who moved out— they never had a kid, so your group didn’t change— but the new family had a son named Junmin. He was in the same year as you and Minjae. You briefly interacted with Junmin at the first block party that he attended, but other than the parties, you had no real reason to interact with him.

Minjae was already on the school basketball team freshman year, so when Junmin joined the team sophomore year, the two of them immediately befriended each other. They would sit together on the bus ride home (whenever they didn’t have practice) all the time and talk and laugh while you sat elsewhere talking to some of the other kids in the neighborhood. Even when the three of you got down at the same bus stop, you would just walk home without acknowledging either of them, your headphones blasting music in your ears to make you seem like less of a dick. However, that dynamic only lasted the one semester. It was the first day of the spring semester classes that your world changed.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Junmin greeted you one morning.

He plopped into the seat and sat right next to you. Despite the fact that you had headphones in, you could still hear him. It was too early in the morning for you to react in a timely manner, so you sat and stared at him in bewilderment before responding, “Good morning…”

“Is it okay if I sit here?”

Junmin asking that question well after he got comfortable in the seat was kind of pointless, and while you didn’t really want him to sit next to you, the bus was already moving. You had no choice but to nod. You turned away from him and turned up the volume of the song you were listening to, hoping that he would get the hint and not talk to you. Even though you were listening to music on full blast and you were looking out of the window, Junmin wanted to talk.

“Y/N, I have a question,” Junmin patted your shoulder lightly, trying to get your attention.

With a heavy sigh, you paused your music, took your headphones out, and gave him your somewhat complete attention. As much as you didn’t want to talk to him, he wasn’t a bad kid, so you didn’t want to be too rude to him.

“Why don’t you ever sit with us in the back?”

“Who? You and Minjae?”

“Yeah. We’re all neighbors, after all. Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo also sit with us.”

“First of all, it’s too early in the morning to deal with all of Sumin’s screaming—”

Right on cue, Sumin laughed loudly, giving you a slight headache.

“That’s fair,” Junmin acknowledged while rubbing his ringing ear.

“And second of all, we’re not friends like that. I’ve never been friends with anyone in the group like that,” you explained.

“Is there a reason why?”

“…No. That’s just how our lives unfolded. None of us are too bothered by it.”

“Why don’t you try to be proper friends with us? It’ll be fun,” Junmin encouraged you.

“And talk about what? I don’t play basketball or watch the games, and we don’t even have classes together. There’s nothing to really talk about with all of you,” you sighed, wondering why Junmin was trying so hard to make all of you guys be friends.

“Okay, fine. But I’m sure you and I can find something to talk about.”

“Like what?”

“Um… What song were you listening to just now?”

You showed him the song, and he immediately gushed on and on about the artist. The two of you ended up discussing music the rest of the bus ride to school.

The two of you got off the bus and walked towards the building together, only to see Junmin get whisked away by the boys.

“Bye, Y/N! See you later!” he called while waving as his friends dragged him away.

You waved in response, an amused smile on your face.

Minjae, meanwhile, decided to grill Junmin as they entered the school through a different entrance.

“Why did you sit by Y/N today and not us?” he asked.

“I mean, we all live on the same block, so why not be friends?”

“You barely talk to Y/N at the block parties, what do you mean?” Sumin furrowed his eyebrows.

“I mean, like… Well… I think we—”

“Guys, get the hint. Junmin has a crush on Y/N,” Jinsik pointed out while rolling his eyes.

“Really? On Y/N?” Hyunwoo was shocked.

Junmin couldn’t even deny his feelings— his face was already bright red. He nodded, and the group immediately erupted into debates about you. Minjae, on the other hand, kept quiet. He was baffled. Why did Junmin have a crush on you, the weird kid who chased him around with a bug on a stick, the crazy kid who tried to fight him, the kid who barely talked to him? He just couldn’t imagine anyone having feelings for you of all people.

You didn’t realize that you, Junmin, and Minjae all had lunch at the same time until you bumped into Junmin— you were with your friends, and the bell rang so you were off to your next class.

“Sorry— Oh! Y/N! You have lunch this period, too?” Junmin was mildly surprised to see you.

“Yeah, you too?”

“Yep.”

“Hey, Y/N,” Minjae put his arm over Junmin’s shoulder, nearly knocking the boy down.

“Hi, Minjae…” you were confused— why was Minjae talking to you?

“Do you still wear that hat my mom gave you?”

You were seriously weirded out. Minjae never talked to you in school, and now he wanted to know about what clothes you wore? “Yeah, I wore it to school today.”

“I thought I saw you wearing it. My mom has another one she made for you. I’ll give it to you later.”

“Okay…? Uh… Bye, Minjae. Bye, Junmin.”

You waved and immediately started walking to class, your friends squealing beside you.

“What’s with you guys?” you asked.

“Junmin is totally into you,” one of your friends said.

“No, Minjae likes Y/N,” another friend stated.

“OMG, what if Y/N is trapped in a love triangle? This is so cute, I’m so jealous!” a third friend added their opinion.

“Stop. Minjae’s just my next door neighbor, and Junmin lives on my block. We’re just neighbors,” you shot down their delusional theories almost immediately.

“Well, if you had to choose between them—”

“No, neither. I’m good. Come on, we’re going to be late for class.”

The bus rides to and from school confused you. Not only was Junmin sitting by you, but Minjae was as well, which ultimately led to Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo to sit by you all. You barely talked while the rest of the boys screamed about something or the other, but you did feel a little closer to them. You didn’t know how you felt about that, but it wasn’t so bad being friendly with them.

 When February came around, your friends teased the shit out of you. They kept saying that Junmin or Minjae would bring you something for the most romantic day of the year, and that they both would compete to get you the better present. You kept telling them that no, that was not going to happen, but at lunch, Junmin approached your table.

“Y/N,” he said as he handed a tiny bag of chocolate truffles to you. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“Th-thank you…” you mumbled while taking the present from him.

Just as quickly as he arrived, Junmin disappeared, leaving your friends to squeal. You tossed the chocolate into your backpack.

“Alright, ladies. If Minjae also gives Y/N chocolate, then I win the bet,” one of your friends said.

“Well I definitely lost… Can’t believe it… I thought Minjae would give Y/N chocolate first,” another friend said.

“See, I told you Junmin would give Y/N chocolate first, and I still think that Minjae isn’t interested,” the third friend said with a grin.

“Why are you betting on my life?” you asked with a sigh.

“We’re betting on your love life—”

“Nonexistent. I don’t have one, and I don’t want one, so stop it,” you said, hoping that you shut down their betting pool.

The bus ride home that day was quiet. Minjae and Junmin were at practice, and somehow, Sumin, Jinsik, and Hyunwoo all managed to get detention together. You treasured the quiet bus ride and had a peaceful time on your way home.

It was snowing when you got home. Snow in February was a little weird, but global warming messed with everything, so it didn’t surprise you anymore. You watched the snow flutter to the ground as you sat at your desk and finished your homework for the night before heading into your living room to sit and watch TV.

The doorbell from the backyard rang around seven in the evening. Mildly annoyed, you went to the backyard to see Minjae wearing his winter coat and scarf. Before you could even unlock the door, Minjae gestured for you to meet him by the sandbox in his backyard. You, completely annoyed by that point, grumbled to yourself as you wore a jacket and boots— it was still snowing outside, but you didn’t think you’d need a hat because you didn’t plan on being outside for more than two minutes.

“What is it?” you asked Minjae as you trudged through the snow.

“Here,” he held out a bag. “For you.”

“Uh, thanks?”

You took the bag from him and waved, assuming that you were good to leave, but Minjae grabbed your hand. He took the bag back and took out whatever was in it before placing it on your head.

“I told you my mom made you another hat. Try it on.”

He held the bag for you as you put the hat on properly. It fit nicely, and it was a rather cute hat.

“Tell your mom I say thanks, then,” you nodded, a small smile on your face as you appreciated the hat.

Minjae nodded. He handed the bag back to you and uttered a small “bye,” before shuffling back to his house. The bag seemed empty, so you wondered why on Earth he left you with the bag. You realized why he did when you got home— there was a tiny tootsie roll in the bag.

You sat in your room, the two chocolates in front of you. You stared at them in confusion. You were about to overthink the chocolates, but then your mother called you into the kitchen. You tossed them into a random drawer in your desk and made your way to the kitchen, completely forgetting about the chocolates.

The rest of the year was annoying, and as was the fall semester of your junior year. Minjae constantly greeted you in the halls whenever you saw him, but it was never in a, for lack of better terms, normal way. Sometimes, he’d make monkey noises and then say that he was doing his impression of you, or he would intentionally run his shoulder into yours, and sometimes he would slam your locker shut just as you opened it.

Junmin, on the other hand, didn’t get to see you as often. His classes were always on the opposite side of the school, and he didn’t even have lunch with you. Because of this development, all of your friends “flipped to Team Minjae”.

“Y/N, face it. Minjae is totally into you,” your friend said to you while walking through the halls, moments after Minjae rammed his shoulder against yours.

“No, he’s not. He used to do this to me all the time when we were kids. This is how he is,” you said while rubbing your shoulder— the impact hurt a little, not going to lie.

“These are things that boys do to their crushes, though. Maybe he liked you when you were kids.”

“Absolutely not. He always destroyed my sand castles and…” you couldn’t think of other things he did to you because you would hold a bug and chase him around before he could do anything to you— preventative measures. “Anyway, we’re childhood friends… No, not even friends. We’re neighbors. That’s all we’ll ever be.”

Junior year meant you could drive home, so you didn’t take the bus anymore. You didn’t see either Minjae or Junmin when you got home, which was always somewhat of a relief because you were tired of seeing Minjae at school. Junmin, on the other hand, wasn’t bad. Seeing him was never irritating.

You shook your head. Why were you thinking about those boys in the first place when they didn’t hold a special place in your heart? They weren’t worth the thought. You had other things to think about, like your grades; not boys, and definitely not the neighbor boys.

“Y/N!” Minjae called your name while you walked through the halls.

“God…” you muttered under your breath before turning to him and asking loudly, “What do you want, Minjae?”

“Come here,” he walked towards the stairwell.

Reluctantly, you did as he said and joined him in the stairwell. “Okay, what is it?”

He closed the door to the stairwell. You narrowed your eyes. What was he doing?

“I have something I want to tell you.”

“Yeah? What is it?”

Minjae took a step towards you, and you immediately took a step back. He was definitely acting weird. He kept walking towards you, and you kept walking backwards away from him, only for your back to hit the wall. Your eyes darted back and forth as he pinned you against the wall. His face was so close to yours that you felt like you could count each individual, surprisingly gorgeous, eyelash of his.

“I like you, Y/N. Go out with me,” he said quietly but not so quietly that you couldn’t hear him clearly.

“Minjae, stop messing around.”

You tried to push him away and leave, but he grabbed your arms and pinned them above your head to the wall. One hand holding your arms and his other hand pressing against the wall by your hip, Minjae said, “I’m serious, Y/N. I like you. I really fucking like you.”

Your eyes went wide— you’d never heard him say the f word before. Your heart raced as he leaned in, his lips nearly brushing past yours…

Then, your alarm went off. You sat up immediately, your forehead breaking into a cold sweat. What the fuck was that dream?!

You couldn’t face Minjae normally after that dream ever again. You did you best to avoid him at any given moment in the day to the point where you just carried all your textbooks with you so that you wouldn’t have to stop at your locker. Your friends didn’t realize that you were trying to avoid him, so they just assumed that Minjae lost interest. At least your love life was no longer a topic of discussion within your group.

You did a good job in avoiding him until the block party. You couldn’t believe that you had to face him during the party, and it made you nervous as hell. Your heart was already fluttering before you even saw the guy. How on Earth did one measly dream make you crush on a boy that was mean to you all through your childhood?

The party was at Junmin’s house that time. Your family was the first to arrive at the party, which thankfully meant that it was just you and Junmin.

“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while,” Junmin greeted you with a smile.

He was sitting in the living room flipping through channels. You took a seat next to him. “I know, right? How’ve you been?”

“Busy. Practice got so much more intense now that we’re on varsity.”

“We?”

“Yeah, me and Minjae.”

Your heart skipped a beat. Even the mere mention of his name freaked you out. You hated that.

“How have the games been?” you asked, desperately trying to return your heart rate to normal.

“We’re doing well this season! You should really come for one of our games. We have a home game next week.”

“I don’t know… I’m not a huge basketball fan…”

“You won’t know if you don’t try. At least come for me? Please?”

Junmin stared at you with the most adorable puppy dog eyes, making your heart flutter. Unable to deal with his cute face, you nodded, his eyes immediately sparkling after.

“Promise?”

He held out his pinky.

“Promise.”

You locked your pinky with his.

Even when Minjae arrived at the party, you didn’t realize, nor were you bothered by it. It had just been so long since you had seen Junmin that the two of you talked the entire night. Minjae didn’t even approach the two of you because he had no idea what you both were talking about.

“They’re so cute together, aren’t they?” Minjae heard the aunties talking.

“They are! It would be so cute if they started dating.”

“Can I tell you ladies a secret?” Junmin’s mom approached the women. Minjae, still within earshot, heard Junmin’s mom say, “Junmin’s liked Y/N for a while. Hyunwoo’s mom told me.”

“Why Hyunwoo’s mom?”

“Because Hyunwoo can’t keep a secret.”

Minjae frowned. He had no idea that Junmin was still into you like that. With a shrug, he walked away from the gossiping aunties and hung out with the other boys, leaving you and Junmin to talk the rest of the night.

And lo and behold, the aunties spoke the ship into existence. After you promised Junmin that you’d go to the home game and followed through with your promise, Junmin was delighted. He asked you out that night after their school won— you both were walking back to your car, and he asked you when you got to your car. He was ecstatic when you said yes, but he didn’t kiss you. No, he hugged you, told you that he’d text you about taking you on a date, and left to get into his own car.

Your relationship with Junmin lasted the rest of your high school lives. You went to every single basketball game, you both took turns driving to and from school, and he even took you to prom. Your first kiss happened during your senior year homecoming, and, well, progressed to be more intimate as time went on.

Junmin made you completely forget about your brief crush on Minjae, so when you met them at the games, you talked to Minjae normally. Minjae, on the other hand, distanced himself, using the excuse that he hated romance as a reason to keep away (not that you cared about the justification).

When the three of you graduated, the aunties wanted the three of you to stand together and take a picture. You wrapped one arm around Junmin’s and leaned into him, Minjae standing awkwardly next to you.

“What are you doing? Come here,” you stretched your arm out for Minjae and linked arms with him.

Minjae ears went red, and his face turned a dusty shade of pink. Nonetheless, he kept his arm linked with yours, and the huge gap that was between the two of you disappeared. The pictures turned out great with all three of you standing near each other with wide smiles on your faces. The pictures were so good, in fact, that you didn’t even notice that in one of the pictures, Minjae was looking at you longingly despite the fact that he was standing right next to you.

After you graduated from college, you decided to go home for a couple of months. You were tired from studying and just wanted a little break before starting to work. Also, living rent free didn’t sound too bad, and you missed your mom’s cooking. So many reasons to go home.

Being home, though, you were worried about running into Junmin. The two of you broke up the first year of college because long distance wasn’t working out for the two of you. There weren’t any hard feelings, but Junmin did find a new significant other, so you didn’t want to interact because you were completely and utterly single.

Since you had nothing to study for and no work to do, you found yourself wondering what to do with yourself. So, one day, you laid down in the grass in your backyard and just stared at the sky. You thought about how simple life used to be and thought about what you did as kids to pass the time. Sure, there was the sandbox, which Minjae’s mom got rid of the second all the kids on the block went to college, and there was a park nearby, but that definitely wasn’t all of it. You were thinking about it so hard that you didn’t even realize someone had approached you, their head moving over you and blocking the view.

“Y/N?”

“Jesus!” you sat up immediately, nearly screaming. “Minjae! You scared the shit outta me!”

“Sorry,” Minjae apologized, although he didn’t sound sorry in the slightest. “Mind if I join you?”

You patted a spot of grass next to you, Minjae promptly sitting there. The two of you sat in complete and utter silence. The sound of the wind and the birds filled the silence, but for some reason, it just made you even more aware of the fact that you didn’t even know what to talk to Minjae about. So, you laid back down in the grass and stared at the sky. Minjae mirrored your actions.

“What are we looking at?” Minjae asked, being the first one to break the silence.

“Well, I was thinking more than looking…”

“Thinking about what?”

“About how we used to the pass time as kids. Like, other than the sand pit and the park, what else did we do?”

“You would steal my shoe and climb up a tree so that I couldn’t get it because you knew I was afraid of heights,” Minjae responded almost immediately.

“Oh, right,” you couldn’t help but laugh. “I did use to do that, didn’t I? Are you still afraid of heights?”

Minjae didn’t respond, making you laugh harder. You sat up and clutched your stomach as you laughed your ass off. Minjae sat up too, a small frown on his face.

“Come on, it’s not easy to get over a fear…” Minjae pouted.

“No, you’re right,” you agreed as you wiped tears from your eyes— you laughed so hard you started crying. “I’m sorry for laughing.”

“That’s okay.”

You stood up and held your hand out to help Minjae up. After dusting your pants off, the two of you walked to the neighborhood park. You sat on the benches near the basketball court and continued talking.

“Do you still play basketball?”

“Not competitively, but for fun, yeah.”

The two of you talked about very surface level things, but your conversation stretched out and kept going and going. You never realized you could talk to Minjae for so long, but the two of you weren’t children anymore. You grew up, and with growing up comes different conversations.

Both of your families ended up having dinner together, his parents grilling you about job prospects and your parents with him. By the end of the exhausting interrogative dinner, you and Minjae stood outside on the deck. It was pretty dark outside, and the only thing to illuminate the area were the porch lights of all the houses.

“Did you hear about Junmin?” Minjae asked tentatively.

“Yeah… I mean, good for him. He’s a nice guy,” you said with a sigh.

“What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

You burst out laughing. Hearing those words from Minjae’s mouth was so foreign, and you never ever thought he would say that phrase to you.

“What’s so funny?” Minjae looked at you with concern.

“No, it’s just— You sounded almost like an ex-boyfriend,” you explained after calming down. “But, no. I’m not. Are you?”

“I mean, I am an ex-friend that is a boy,” Minjae mumbled, but you didn’t hear him. Louder, he answered your question, “No, I’m not either.”

“Why not?” the words flew out of your mouth.

“What do you mean why not?” Minjae asked with a laugh. “I just never found someone that I really liked.”

You nodded— it was the same for you after you broke up with Junmin.

The two of you went silent. The only thing you could hear were the buzzes of grasshoppers and cicadas. From inside the house, your mothers were looking at your backs.

“Remember when we used to say that these two would get together?” your mom whispered to Minjae’s mom.

“Yes, I do… Do you think they will?”

“Maybe… Should we keep watching?”

“I don’t see why not.”

The two of you were unaware that your mothers were watching you— your backs were still facing them as Minjae spoke softly.

“I have something to tell you.”

Your mind immediately flashed back to the dream you had about him, and memories of crushing on Minjae flooded your brain. You felt your face heat up as Minjae turned his entire body to face you. He didn’t take a step towards you like he did in the dream, but he did scoot the tiniest bit closer to you.

“Remember when you and Junmin started dating?”

You were not expecting him to say that. Your heart calmed down slightly, and you nodded in response.

“Well, back then, right before you two started dating, you came to watch our game for the first time. My heart skipped a beat because I thought that you came to see me even though I knew you were there because he asked you to come… And I kept thinking about how nice it would have been if you were there for me and not him…”

Your jaw dropped. Was Minjae… Confessing?

“I don’t even know when I caught feelings for you, Y/N… All I know is that whenever Junmin talked about you, I’d get annoyed, so I’d annoy you. I liked when you gave me your attention, and when you started avoiding me—”

“You knew I was avoiding you?” you interrupted.

“Of course I did. You’re not as subtle as you think. I don’t know why you were, but I decided to lay off because I thought you were upset with me. I didn’t want to upset you…”

Empty noises left your body. You didn’t even know how to respond to that revelation with anything other than the truth.

“Seeing you with Junmin was hard… I kept wishing I was him…”

“Minjae…”

“Tell me something, Y/N. Did you hate me back then?”

You had to tell him the truth. “No...” you bit your lower lip and looked down. “I avoided you because… I had a crush on you… And we grew up together so I thought it was weird and that I shouldn’t have been looking at you like that…”

“So you didn’t avoid me because you hated me?”

“I hated you when we were kids, but I never avoided you when we were kids.”

Minjae bit back a slight laugh. He smiled with relief, and your heart raced. He had the same face he did when you were younger, but he looked so much more attractive now, like he grew into his features. You felt your heartbeat louder when Minjae leaned into you.

“Y/N, I have something I want to tell you.”

God, your dream was happening. Your high school dream was coming to life.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I like you.”

He reached out and cupped your cheek, your face instantly heating up.

“Can I take you on a date sometime, some place?”

This was so much nicer than your high school dream, to say the least.

“I would like that.”

“And… Would it be okay if I kissed you right now?”

“I would really like that…”

Minjae couldn’t help but smile. You felt his hand snake around your waist and pull you even closer to him. Your hands rested on his shoulders as he brought your face towards his, his lips brushing against yours.

This time, you didn’t wake up— you were awake, and this very real Minjae was actually kissing you. The first kiss was soft, but the second was passionate, desperate. His hold on you got tighter, and he kissed you as if he was trying to make up for lost time. Butterflies filled your stomach. When his lips trapped your lower lip and sucked lightly, you felt the world spinning. He leaned into you and kissed you harder, both of his arms around your waist. Your hold on his shoulders was weakening— the more he kissed you, the more your mind went blank.

Yet, when he released your lips and moved back, you leaned towards him wanting more. You moved your hands so that they held onto his neck and pulled him towards you again. His lips were addicting, and you wanted more of him. But, he kept making little comments in between the kisses.

“I like you, Y/N.” Kiss. “I seriously like you.” Kiss. “I like you so much.”

He tried to kiss you again but you covered his lips with your hand and said, “Shut up. Do you have a problem with kissing without talking or something?”

“No, monkey.”

“Monkey?!” you slapped his shoulder. “If I’m a monkey, then you’re still a mop-head.”

“I’ll be your mop-head,” Minjae rubbed his nose against yours lightly. “And you’re my monkey.”

“Don’t make me put you in a headlock.”

“Kinky.”

“Minjae!” you gasped, your face immediately heating up.

“I’m kidding! Just kidding,” Minjae laughed at your red face and hugged you.

You hugged him back and sunk into his warmth and familiar, natural scent. And when he leaned back to look at your face, you kissed him quickly, smiles blossoming on your face, then his.

You both finally turned towards the house to head back inside, only to see your moms and dads watching the whole scene unfold with popcorn in their hands. The two of you immediately separated, the two of you now completely embarrassed.

“See, we told you that you’d end up together!” Minjae’s mom said with a laugh.

[thefudge]

challengers thoughts, fresh out of the cinema:

so this was a very understated experience. i mean it was so mild??? good mild, even great mild, but still quite mild. the way the film was marketed and the buzz around it, i was expecting smth way more risque and ballsy about the triangle/threesome, but it was all very low-key and elegant and maybe ultimately a little thin, but still worth seeing

i really liked the almost-bursting eroticism of every scene, the way each frame, especially on the tennis court, was so raw and intimate. i do think the eroticism was more enhanced when it came to the men and their half-repressed desires for each other, but i hunger for films that embrace eroticism as visual and tactile language

that being said, i do think this movie held back a lot. i loved the sensual style, mixed in with the sort of aggressive punchiness and frustration of three people who can't bear to be with or without each other, but i don't think this triangle ultimately works because the desires are unequal and the dynamics are not equally compelling

tashi/art needed to have more spark, imo; for the triangle to work all sides need to be interesting. even if the passion has sort of fizzled between art and tashi, their dynamic should've still conveyed some kind of compulsive need. it's not enough for art to be 'pathetically' submissive to her, we need to see why tashi likes that submission, why art can still get under her skin. and i don't think they delivered on that

yes, patrick is the agent provocateur, he's the one who rattles art and tashi, but art has to rattle tashi and patrick back, and while there is a sort of attempt to do that, it doesn't quite land for me.

that's why tashi feels left out of the movie, at times, because when the boys are left to their own devices their chemistry is more interesting than tashi's chemistry with art (and even her chemistry with patrick)

yeah, tashi/patrick was hot and well done and i obviously fuck with them and will be writing smth about them for sure, and that scene where patrick grabs her face in the car and they're basically going at each other, having a mini tennis match and they're not even fucking yet? cinema 10/10. ditto the scene where tashi basically tells him he'd be better off with a gun in his mouth. that's romance babey. but even so! i still think they needed a little smth extra, a little oomph, if you will. we needed to spend more time on the toxicity, on why this pairing didn't work when they were young. i really liked that one fight they showed us back in college (can u tell i liked all their scenes) where they get into the nitty gritty of winning and patrick lets her know he's her peer, not her fanboy, and i wanted more of that!!! more heated discussions about who's in charge, more back and forths about their ambitions and obsessive tendencies, more twisted moments of tashi trying to get in his head by using art and patrick doing the same to her. where's the toxicity!!!! where's the metaphorical tennis!!!

(incidentally, you can see that tashi/patrick and art/patrick scenes play out like riveting and sometimes literal tennis matches, but art/tashi....doesn't. that's why i'm saying this triangle didn't work)

anyway, even with all that, i appreciate the fact that this movie exists and i love that zendaya as tashi was allowed to be really messy and vulnerable but also in charge of her own mistakes. i do agree with folks who say that she was a little sidelined, but i love that she was just as morally devious and hungry as patrick, for instance.

big pluses for the soundtrack, the sound editing and directing. the way luca guadagnino had those boys moan every time they hit the ball lol sir, i see you. i also like that the final act was basically a long, sublimated threesome and the climax was the coming together of all three parts, and the winner didn't matter anymore, because it was always about these three finding a balance, finally tennis became a relationship, like tashi said in the beginning (i just wish the movie had dwelled on this more in order to earn this final scene)

but shooting a tennis match from the POV of the ball??? yesss, this is what i go to the movies for. give me more creative batshit camerawork like that

loved the little things that were communicated entirely without dialogue, things that were planted early on and brought back visually, just the sensual language of cinemaaaaa

so to conclude, i did want more from this experience but i'm glad ppl are still making psyschosexual dramas of this caliber. we desperately need more interesting and three-dimensional media that tackles the intricacies of desire. and we need more crazy camerawork set to trent reznor and atticus ross!