#every time i think I've found people that accept me and my traits it turns out they resent them

[clfixationstation]

great, just found out my constant efforts to combat my ADHD are not working and I'm still accidentally hurting the people I care about. I hate it here. I just don't want to hurt people why is that so hard...

I thought I was doing such a good job, I'm constantly trying to make sure I'm responding to people adequately because I've been yelled at so much over it and I really want to make people feel valued and make sure they know I'm giving them my attention. I work so hard to not interrupt others during conversation, I try so hard to maintain attention to conversations, I try so hard to pay attention to my surroundings so that I don't ignore friends, I try so hard to push past rejection sensitivity so that I can help people - but apparently it's all useless

I guess I'd rather know. I'll still keep trying. It just really hurts

[leidensygdom]

Ok, I'm gonna start a post idea I had been pondering. If you're either mentally or physically disabled and you have opinions about representation, this is the thread for you!

So, I've been seeing more people trying to tackle the topic of autism in their stories, but I've felt some of it tries to woobify a bit what is to live with autism, or just focus on the more socially acceptable quirks of it. And as someone with autism/ADHD (was suspected of it for most of my life, got it finally diagnosed by my therapist (who specializes in autism and ADHD) last year), sometimes I'd like for people to acknowledge the more unsavoury parts of it, the weird quirks, etc.

So, this post is going to be about that- If you wanna help people understand how your disability/neurodivergency affects your life, feel free to add to it! Just mention what do you have (no need for a full list, just what you consider relevant to the post) and some experiences, quirks, anecdotes or such that you think that are not often seen in stories or media, and that you consider an important part of it. They don't need to be huge things! I encourage people to share just whatever they feel comfortable. My list is gonna be a mix of stuff, but yours can be very different. Let me start!

Clothes and how they feel was surprisingly one of the most disruptive parts of my autism. As a kid, if I was forced to wear something that caused me some bad texture/sensitivity issues, it would significantly affect my behaviour and performance. It took me many years to be allowed to use mostly sportswear. (And it turns out being a "girl" (not anymore) wearing only sportswear tends to cause a whole lot of bullying)

This happens even nowadays. I've found out that non-heeled boots are more comfortable to me than sport shoes, because feeling something against the back of my foot makes me feel overwhelmed. I tend to wear yoga pants under actual pants, because they keep the actual pants' seams from causing sensory issues. There's almost a sort of ritual on how do I need to combine clothes to be able to function "normally", mostly consisting on reducing how much they annoy me.

On that topic, hygiene is actually a huge thing too. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to shower daily. Days I didn't shower, no matter how much I tried to keep my hygiene in other days, were "bad days" to me. I would literally plan hanging out with friends or eating out around the days I was allowed to shower. I could physically feel the difference between the day I showered and the day I didn't (even if I washed my face, armpits, used the bidet, etc).

This is true even nowadays. I can thankfully now shower daily, which isn't recommended by a lot of experts (specially because it can damage your hair and skin), but it's more worth to me than having days where I feel like I shouldn't be seen in public.

Being overwhelmed sucks! Meltdowns are mostly associated with kids, mostly because adults either learn to mask them, or do everything they can to AVOID having that meltdown. I've mostly figured out routines and such. There's this one place we go eat out every other Tuesday- And in the hours we go in, there's a sort of silent corner that is always free. This week's schedule was a mess, so we went yesterday to that same place, and the silent corner was filled with a very loud group. I got extremely overwhelmed. But enough masking drilled to me means I just sat there unable to talk for maybe 30 minutes.

Autistic adults still do have autism and experience often the full spread of traits, they've just found ways to mask, or avoid being in situations where they do need to do that. I've adapted my life and routine to that. But sometimes I land on situations out of my comfort zone that will make me feel just like when I was a kid. I want to freelance online because I'm fully aware I can't perform properly in a public facing job.

Group projects sucked so much. I know they suck for most people, but most times it was easier for me to do the entirety of the project by myself and add the others' names to it than dealing with chasing people for their parts. My college had a 6-months-long massive group project in the last year, with a 7 people group, which obviously I couldn't do alone. The whole experience was so harmful in so many ways I've had several full therapy sessions talking about it :'')

One of the reasons it's because mental flexibility is HARD with autism. If i set a schedule, I expect that schedule to be followed. If people agree to do a part, I expect that part to be delivered (unless there's a proper reason) on due time. People hate this a lot usually! It will tear group projects apart!

Stimming can be harmless, or it can be very annoying to some. I tend to shake legs and play with something in my hands. I could easy this off drawing in classes- My high school found out that I was paying more attention when I was allowed to draw in classes, and my academic performance was pretty much perfect, so they gave me permission to do that.

However, I had a teacher in middle school that did forbid me from drawing. I stimmed during a class with pens- She got so mad she sent me home with a note to my parents they had to sign. Fun!

Not exactly an anecdote, but I am ace. I hate the discourse about "making an autistic person be aro or ace is infantilizing autism". Aro/ace people can have autism. That's just how it is. I've been infantilized a lot for being ace- Which only got worse because I am autistic, and people perceived some of my special interests as child-ish. The combo didn't make things easy.

On that topic, people will often be very patronizing of your opinions or takes for being autistic. I've had people debate my sexuality (or lack of thereof), my gender identity and presentation, my hobbies, my preferences for everything, down to "what do you want to eat tonight?". This isn't too different to shitty takes about how "autistic people are more prone to being affected by the trans activistsTM", because people assume autistic people can't choose on their own. Trust me: We can.

Anyhow, I'd love if this post could be a good compilation of these sort of anecdotes! I think it could help people who wanna learn more about what is it to live with specific disabilities (and how to better portray them in media)

[maxwell-grant]

Glad to know you like suicide squad, did you ever finish reading JLI?

I have a lot of respect and love for the creative team but, sorry to dissappoint, I found JLI fucking unbearable and could not finish it. I gave it 25 issues and powered through after dropping it and didn't enjoy one single moment of it and I don't think this is magically going to become tolerable when it's time to bring in Despero and the Global Guardians and the character with a slur for a name. I guess I could say it was a good comic of it's time that I just didn't vibe with and leave it at that, or I'd say I think the humor drags down the good parts, but to be honest I'm just not seeing the good parts here either. The best things I can say about it is that it's well-drawn and that Max Lord is a decently compelling puzzle/central figure to pin this enterprise on, a twist on Ozymandias for a different context, I get why fans are upset on him being turned into a clear-cut villain, although Amanda Waller he ain't. And of what I've seen that's kinda it actually.

It is kind of weird that this exists in an opposite world situation to Suicide Squad, where Suicide Squad is the more traditionally-drawn book about rejects banding together under hardship to deal with troubled international quagmires and find their own bonds to humanity and each other amidst chaos, and Justice League is the slick colorful book about rejects being funnyman bastards doing violent pantomine routines 24/7. You'd think it was the other way around. You'd think Guy Gardner wouldn't be more unbearable than Captain Boomerang given he is technically a more moral person, but when Boomerang's being misogynistic, he eats shit for it, where as when Gardner pretends to fall atop Canary so he can grope her, it's played as a gag (and god you could not ask for a starker difference than the treatment of their female characters between these two books). But as is, I am not remotely impressed by characters acting like funnyman bastards for 90% of any given story, and then punctuating their moments of seriousness by constantly reafffirming that they aren't one-bit jokesters.

Did you catch that the first time? Can't you see how they are more than just funny jokesters, let's repeat that again for emphasis, don't you get the nuance on display here, don't you get there is more to Blue Beetle and Guy Gardner than being unbearable pieces of shit, in case you don't let's have Hawkman's every single goddamn line be about how he's a big old stuck-up meanie harping about the old days who is wrong for not accepting the new way of doing things (and please do not take this as me being upset about the sanctity of fucking Hawkman, it's just one more horribly grating thing in a comic full of them). I get why these characters have big followings, but I'm at a loss to understand why said followings would originate from this, it seems like all of them surely must have acquired whatever nuance or likeability they have later.

You know that thing people complain about regarding vapid cliche lines like Well that just happened / It's not what it looks like / That's gonna leave a mark / Uum he's right behind me isn't he, that kind of stuff? JLI feels like the birth of those, it feels like the real version of the thing that people who exaggerate MCU quips complain about, because oh my god every fucking page is littered with those, they can't get through anything without doing an insufferable bit. Every character is the suffering straight man or trying to be the funniest person in the room in an interminable Mad Magazine skit. They never shut up and never stop making jokes and they NEVER make a single one of them funny and everybody talks the same, everyone makes the same jokes, everybody has one trait and that's their joke, and my god you guys I gave this thing 25 damn issues of a chance and I hate even thinking about it, and if a single one of you tries to get me to read one more comic with G'nort in it I swear I'm going to -

So, yeah, wasn't for me. Credit where credit's due though, the one funny joke I've seen in this constitutes an all-timer Batman moment.

[madfantasy]

Been crying alot lately not knowing why, nd now I can verbalise it, I need to type it down for the sake of my sanity.. I think its lots of trauma dumping, I'm sorry

I've seen a post ask about if you're an ace would u be in romantic relationships, and I have just thought about how I'm always revolted by these concepts since I was 6 years old.

Having been always groomed to be wed to one of my cousins or a rich somebody to be my highest achievements as it solely focuses on my private parts as my worth and my ability to contribute to the family's "Good reputation" and reap back benefits to.

But I knew, all along, if I was forced to be with someone, that will end me being on this earth or them if they tried going near me. And growing up, I always tried to accept that fact, accept that u need to be pure and clean and be good for wedding and basically enslaved to it, cuz that's all our still impoverished family can aspire to. And on top of the dark thing that happened to me, making me truly believe I have no worth in this world and have prayed to be taken to heaven before I hit puberty, and have tried pitiful attempts to leave it, untill i got faint access to Internet and stole the keys to the locked books, they themselves should have been reading, around 17 years old, found an only opening and escape to reality.

I remember, my refusal was all the firmer the more anyone tries to tell me all about the glamor of being an intimate house maid and the domestic abuse they gloss over that I personally have witnessed time and time again with every couple that visited or we went to. I always respond that i am already one to my guardian's with the same abuse minus the gross intimate part.

I didn't even understand why I hated it so much while everyone is doing it, and as young as 16.

I avoided alot of marriage offers thanks to my guardians being, in one good way, over protective. And me losing my mind every time they brought it up. Literal uncharacteristic melt downs and now they fear the subject after they finally snapped me after saying no for years wasn't enough of a respond.

I'm 30 and the latest offer was from a rich cripple who was willing to pay all my guardians debts and give them a farm. My guardians dream. They turned it down without consulting me.

I've always hated the concept of pairs joined by s*x and the s*x itself. And marriage as a whole never made sense to me, considering the developing world and its problems. But I understand it as a bond if its first and foremost was not for love, it was for safety— mental, financial and otherwise.

And where I come from, independence is supported by the family, you can not survive, work, do anything if you do not have a family, and specially if you assigned a certain gender. So basically, I lived in isolation for the majority of my life, in poverty, marriage seen as the only -allowed- way out.

And it's all stims from a so called religious teachings.. Alot in common in this world, who take it as a personality trait and use it to justify injustice. Even though most of the time they know nothing about it beside what they are told by their authority figures and operat in this world as superior to all others because they were told they r the true religion. I saw on TT a so called mus-girl complaining about her children being exposed to 'rainbow ppl' in school education and having the nerve to complain about it living as a foreigner welcomed to practice her religion in a western country and claims not to be hateful. And yes, Arab ppl call the community 'rainbow' which reeks of the phobia and condescension. Like their religion teaches them to be at peace with all and treat ppl how they like to be treated, yet they fail to apply that when they don't like or lack the emotional intelligence to understand others who are merely different, just different and existing, exactly like them. And they do believe God made everything, so he did make those people, so what their excuse to that? And they exsisted since tbe dawn of humanity. And funny thing is their religion tells them that God made humans different, and urges them to read, to wonder the earth and consider facts and if they don't know to ask who are knowledgeable, and their intentions matters more and if they did unjustly by anyone, who ever they are, they r not a true mus--. It obviously translate to just ask a man who knows nothing about science, empathy or common sense or notice the accumulating facts and only repeat a select few he is told at a religious house. Thinking seems to be a burden these people happily relinquish to others. Which irkes me to no end

I was told all the shit I endured is because it from gods teachings, and it should make me happy. I never stopped questioning if this is a bless then why I was never happy? And why I can't do as I am told

They beat me up when I drew, when I was rowdy and when what now i know is stimming, shaming it as an act of another religion, and it was the running joke in the whole family. Mental health was an immense shame and hush hush, and anyone who seemed to need it was judged to be just a lesser mus-- so they deserve all the pain and suffering they get

I was glad that lady was getting chewed by ppl who was responding to her, but one person said something that just made me burst into tears and I couldn't stopp crying lately..

She said she was a teacher that goes from school to school and stuff so she experienced alot of communities and she noticed the vast differences between children who's family love and support is unconditional and those who don't, they obviously tend to later thrive.

And thats the word..

Thrive

Besides our financial situation never changing to the better, everything else was in decline, my guardians health themselves relying on me even more, and my mental anguish exasperated to a point i barely see a point in life, daily.. I can barely draw now, something I did 24/7

Everything that I am I had to do deep research for just to know that there's nothing wrong with me or im not deserving punishments for. I am ace, I am a gentle Them, I am on the spectrum, and I am Mani..

I did everything I do now in secret and complete agony. I learned English to gave privacy, continued to draw cuz it was my only alive part, and posted online when I was forbidden completely to protect my art from being lost, had to swear that I was nit interacting with others. I lied and one of the few times I was found, I was beaten while a school friend was on the other line in a voice chat. I was more humiliated that my friend witnessed it than being caught.

I still have the deep fear and distrust, I can't deal with social things, having to keep guessing which social cues they are using and not to become a living status, leaving the house the mere thought if it alone is panic inducing, I can never feel safe and cant risk something that might bring any harm to me and my sibs, every few days I struggle not to just delete my whole exsistance online. I can't look at faces even in pictures and if I did or need to I have to mentally prepare myself for so long. I literally had to convince my guardians that I can have a credit card so I can "learn" to do stock shi then used it to have PP and one day i got commissioned, and only when that happened I was able not to keep it a secret. And in its place now I feel the pressure when I can't provide or won't

The rest I still have no luck, I bearly managed to tell them recently that I suspect that I am on the spectrum, reading alot about it lately and it explains even things I couldn't. The nearest I managed to tell them that I am ace and what it is is that I started by saying I find who we are suppose to be wed to disgusting and I already living that glamorous stay at home shi nd co-raising 5 siblings they know very little about. They said fine but don't go saying that out loud cuz God says that marriage is the greatest bless but I won't force u ever.

I just feel my life force almost over, while I experienced nothing of life beyond isolation and constant need, so i cant thrive in anything.. Everything I wanted to do I begged to try was denied cuz either of my privates or cuz we were poor. I wanted to be athletic and do sports but there was no such thing as a second gender sports around. I wanted to be and still wish I could be, a wrestler. Unsurprisingly WWE was my inspiration and practiced as serious as a kid could, having what I believed a super pain tolerance cuz I never cried as I was beaten. I was cut from even watching it because it was "shameful " all of a sudden. Later I understood it was because everyone was shirtless and it was s*xulised by them. Everything became the same later, everything I drew or expressed feared to be s*xual and or homo nd I was punished over, I literally drew dying ppl and bromance alot at first. And they just projected their assumptions on me. I understood later and still can't bear the thought that ppl can project s*x into anything, and it never clicked in my mind because of what I am. And that was their biggest fear. I drew things cuz I saw them beautiful, and they only saw it as vulger, because they can't help but hyper s*xualize everything or assume it being so even with clear indications. Something that happened online too, tumblr nd tt, so it triggers me horribly

Something ace i also realised there's a word for (forgotten ittt ugh)— even though s*x and its mention is completely revolting to my person and I can have no relation to it. I can still enjoy it as a fictional concept, as entertainment, if u will, specially in a muse of two characters I enjoy. So drawing it is fun and exciting and enrichs my naughty side. Until I finish it and I never want to see it again cuz I'm not super good at it yet heh

In my mind, I can love and treasure who ever platonicly, and our bonds does not have to direct our paths in life. My romance is bromance, and meaning I will do everything to make my bestie happy, and my biggest wish is to live like tintin, in a mansion and everyone can be free to go on adventurous escapades, like getting coffee. ( i never done that, so

And this is something I wish to do with my siblings, if the stars were ever to align..

At least have Sherir with me.. puppets make me happy

[lizadale]

I'm 👀 pretty hard at your choice of characters and roles.

Not gonna lie Cool ImpMentio is a genius, he is cute enough to pull a good imp And flighty and convinced enough for the cool trait to fit. I choose mage as because my thought process is he likes fire and explosions and power ans stuff. But he said "I CaST LiGhtiNg" instead >:C and when he does cast explosion it's against the goddamn apple slimes.

I had to take it out of my system. sorry.

I've made Mario cool though, because backflips and extra hard hits.

, ahem. here's the...

Tales of the Fae Retreat

Mario was on the way to Luigi's house to bug him, as it is his obligation as Luigi's brother, got called by God right before knocking on the door. When he got there he went to the closest building to maybe learn what the hell is happening. He rang the bell and was immediately answered by the tini cartoon duck.

She got scared on how much he looked like her friend that got captured but still answered all his questions and tried to recruit him to her party. Because he shouldn't walk around without something to defend himself either way, she handled him the only spare "weapon" she had. A frying pan her friend choose to hold onto because he would eventually, when they got time, give it back, even if he thinks it was going to be trashed.

He's septic but accepts. He thinks is not a good idea to go against the being who talks directly to the one who can bring him there out of nowhere.

(Mario Does deserve three paragraphs, fight mii if you think otherwise.) (Chef because him and Luigi has to have the same job)

Peach was working on her usual princess things and Timpani was chilling, having a day to herself, when they got summoned.

Peach had her fan in her dress, Timpani found herself besides a tank and thought "why not?"

Mario, being the gentleman that he is, immediately compliments Peach when we got her in the party. Like she got in, we head out, Lena one shot a twerky and he does it.

He's the only person who escorts her to safety, he heals her every turn (EVERY TURN. When a monster gets a turn she's the target), they keep showing off mostly for eachother I'm kind of scared of them. I think by this point they have the most friendship out everyone. (Besides Luigi and Dimentio, but i grinded with the first party to not get bodied when getting them back. )

When we were at the citrus cave, Peach drank from a puddle. Idk why that's on the notes :v she turned invisible. Lena drank later, turned into a monster.

And this time, after making an friend, Lena the cartoon duck the cat made a effort to be extra nice to her new party. She brought Peach perfume and castanets to Mario. Peach liked her present, Mario? Not so much ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Timpani is a very good glass tank. She only used human cannon ball two times and each with different people. And she didn't hit the party with Wild shot, expect in karkaton, where she hit O'Chunks once but that's another day's tale.

For some reason with her the prep from being cautious trigger in the same turn instead of waiting for her next. it's instant double dmg. Idk why. but I'm not complaining either.

BUT she's using cardboard as armour and it doesn't hold against pretty much anything. If she isn't at the safe space when the enemy attacks she instantly dies, and she hates all the defense food available atm, i backtracked and tested :/

Btw did you know that the voices of the Miis who sing in the title screen in the switch version are from your party?

See ya when you unlock the quests. Good luck.

let me start off by saying that when i started playing this game i knew nothing about the plot or the roles. didn't know about my party getting replaced twice or new jobs cropping up, but MAN i'm so lucky i waited to put Dimentio in the game until Neksdor because the Imp class is BUILT FOR HIM:

incredible. it's like i wrote this role.

(Mario knows better than to defy a duck-cat who communes with God)

Peach and Mario also immediately hit it off in my party lmao. by the time I added Luigi into the party they were already like level 7 together. Timpani SHOULD get to be a tank. it's what she deserves.

anyway, i got my party back. Mr L and Luigi are very confused by each other's presence. O'Chunks keeps sticking bananas in everyone's pockets, and I can't keep Timpani away from the damn horse - lucky for Blumiere he's too busy being possessed to know his wife is cheating on him.

Mr L is generally being the nuisance he's designed to be - he keeps "getting sick" but it's pretty obvious he's faking because eventually someone will check on him and he'll go "ehhh i'm done resting"

because i have 0 restraint, my current party is a dimigi sandwich. somehow, Dimentio is the most emotionally stable of all of us. (i switched Luigi to a cook because the flower class was annoying me. now he's OP)

notice everyone hates my husband, Mr L. he needs to stop being a lazy dick.

they chose the next castle to start a terrible love triangle, and then the above chart happened. Luigi also keeps finding unidentified bottles on the floor and drinking from them, and Dimentio keeps falling through holes in the floor.

Mr L is still surprisingly reliable, even if also terribly infuriating

hey there, gorgeous.

[2minutesnotice]

You don't have to post this if you don't want to, but I just wanted to say that I read your personal rant and my gosh, same. Like I've just been thinking about HB pretty much non stop the past week or two, especially Blitzø because he's my favorite. To the point where I dream up scenarios for them while I'm falling asleep or if I'm listening to music, I'll just be watching a full-on animatic in my head of the characters singing the songs, even when I'm driving which is a bit spooky because I don't think I'm fully paying attention but I legit don't think I can turn it off. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it tho, the only one who really knows I'm autistic is my brother and I don't want him to see me differently because of how hard I obsess over things. There have been so many times I've wished I could just turn off my brain or wish that I could like things a normal amount or just be normal in general, but I guess it just wasn't in the cards. Anyway, sorry if this is a weird thing to send, I just relate very much. I hope you're having a nice day ^_^

Hey!

First of all, thank you for reading through my insomniac meltdown haha, I really should delete that .

More under the cut because TW:talking about neurodivergent behavior that sucks

Then, I'm sorry that you feel you can't people about your feelings and all, as you can think, I can relate to all of your conflicts. It took me a while to accept myself and my neurodivergent brain and how it works. My family is still in denial, even after I told them about my OFFICIAL Diagnosis from 6? years ago.

There will always be people who think you're just overdoing things. Especially the traits they know you so well for, if they change from trait to symptoms.

Hyperfixation for me is a blessing and a curse, as I stated in my rant, I LOVE to deep dive into something. I don't do things half assed. In just two weeks I looked every video in which Brandon Rogers appears (to find out I KNOW him from Vine lol?), slithered through the slippery path that's Vivs past and why people are so weird about her, to watching full con panels, reading the posts of the animation crew and of course, do nothing but fan work myself. I'm through the whole Helluva Boss canon pairing tag complete only on AO3.

And it's not healthy. I know and yes, I KNOW it's not normal behavior. That's obsession. That's the thing that nearly drove me into an ED when I was a Teen.

I'm really happy that I found into the fandom, but I'm also very good with it if my brain calms down a bit. I was lucky to have this week off to get it out of my system, even if it destroyed my sleeping pattern COMPLETELY hehe.

So Anon, I hope that at som point in your life, you feel you can share your feelings with your close ones. They can help, if they're the right people and accept you with all of what's going on in your head. If you don't share how you feel, people are not able to understand.

And to those who don't WANT to understand you, for those people who tell you you're not good the way you are, even if you're bending yourself to the point you're uncomfortable, here's the advice to these people from our favorite jester(I had to make this about HB, you know it):

Have a nice day Anon 💖

[cookinguptales]

...huh. After getting that ask last night, I went back and reread some of my old Osomatsu-san karabita fic and like. Damn, I was really going through some shit back then.

There are a lot of them that I could be talking about, being honest, but I really mean that damn wingfic. It's wild looking back at it now because the vibe is kind of like I decided to just get fully naked for all of my readers and they just clapped politely. I'm not sure I've ever written anything more painful or more honest, to the point where I honestly cried a little reading it even now.

Like... I know it's a wingfic for a crack anime but I feel like if I just printed that fic out and handed it to every therapist I ever had, we probably could have saved a lot of time and effort. lmao

I know some of you reading this now followed me even back then (which is wild to think about, and thank you for sticking with me for that long) but for the uninitiated, one half of that pairing is very small and kind of underdeveloped and is canonically sensitive about it, and I wrote a fic that explored that insecurity through a fantasy AU with wings. (Wingfic was super popular in Ye Olde Fandom days but it's less common now and I was feeling nostalgic for it.)

And... I mean, it's true that I was looking at that character trait. But I realize now (and think I knew even then) that it was really about exploring my own insecurities re: my disability (and my childhood trauma) and my inability to accept that I could be loved in spite of it. It was a fantasy, perhaps, of someone who'd fall for the person I am and manage to convince me that I am worth loving, in spite of -- or perhaps because of -- my experiences and deficiencies.

Truthfully speaking, I think I was very cognizant of it being a fantasy back then. It didn't feel even remotely possible for me. I felt far too -- well, broken, as the fic said. I've been through a lot of shit. Some I've posted about publicly, some I haven't. And through it all, my body has really just been one betrayal after another.

Even in the fic, this character is thinking that he may never be loved, but at least he can be strong and productive and like. God, I guess that's part of the fantasy, isn't it? My physical problems are only partially visible, as opposed to Chibita's very visible wings in that fic, but they prevent me from doing a lot. Honestly, in many ways, they make me feel like less of a person because of all the things I will never be able to do myself. It's a rough thing to struggle with. I am not physically strong. I'm not always very productive. But god did I hospitalize myself a few times back then while trying.

That said... I've changed a lot in the past six years. Some things have stayed the same, and I still recognize enough of myself in that fic that it hurts to read. But some things have improved. I made some medication changes that didn't exactly fix things, but they have made them more bearable. (Both physically, pain-wise, and psychologically.) I have made new friends and have joined new communities. I've taken up new hobbies and created new loves. I finally found a new fandom to throw myself into, lmao.

I'm still single, I guess, and I still struggle with accepting that someone could love me. I still have problems noticing when people are interested and kind of need to be bashed over the head with it. But... I think, looking back on this fic now, I'm not sure that love was even the real fantasy when I was writing it. Like obviously I wouldn't turn down love and acceptance exactly as I am. Who would?

I think, though, that the real fantasy was that someone would tell me that I'm worth loving and that I'd believe it. I wanted to be loved, but I wanted to be able to love myself, too. That's the hard part, isn't it? Believing that you're intrinsically lovable. And that's what I just... could not accept for many, many years. I can look back on it now and see how that mental block was created; the societal lessons and the people I'd surrounded myself with and the various traumas that I hadn't quite processed. But god, was it hard to break.

But I'm happy to report that these days I have at least a couple people in my life who don't just make me feel valued but valuable. They tell me they like me and slowly, I believe it. They tell me I'm impressive and slowly, I become impressed. They accept me for all my scars and flaws and slowly, I have started to accept myself, too.

I think about that character in that fic I wrote, absolutely touch-starved and yearning for it, and I run my hands down my arms, my thighs, and allow myself to enjoy the softness of my own skin.

(Even if it is a symptom of one of my many illnesses. 🙃)

And finally, I can imagine someone else enjoying it, too.

I know that doesn't seem like some big, crazy breakthrough. I'm not out here like "update, I'm in a happily committed relationship and mentally healthy!" But when most of your life you've felt like love and happiness especially in a physical sense are things that belong to other people but never to you... like, it's a big deal, to look at hands that don't quite work right, that look weird sometimes, that are strange to the touch, and think -- one day, someone will want to hold these. They'll want to. They won't just put up with the physicality of me; they will love it and they will love me and I will let them.

Like I may not be perfect at this point. I may not ever be. But I'm open to the idea of happiness and I find myself optimistic in ways I never have been before. I think I'm ready to let someone love me. And to me, at least, that feels huge.

I look back on the words I wrote seven years ago, and I realize that what felt impossible back then feels dizzyingly plausible now. I know I've made a lot of posts lately about growth and about healing but I just. God, it still feels so novel to me. It's crazy to look within yourself and realize that for what feels like the first time, you are feeling better. And idk if it was the medical changes or the therapy or the people I've met or just -- just the distance from who I used to be. From the things that happened. But I feel tangibly different now compared to who I was then and I could cry with it.

(...I have cried with it. lmao)

idk. Growth is hard and it doesn’t always feel good but sometimes you look back on the person you were a few years ago and you just. You just want to hold them, y’know? And tell them that one day things really will be better.

[darklingichor]

Quiet, by Susan Cain

This one has been on my audible wishlist for a while.

This is a pretty deep dive into being introverted and how so much in the western culture, especially the US is geared toward extroversion.

I feel like this is shifting somewhat now, (the book was published in 2012) but most stuff is not built for the quiet types.

This is a facunating read, looking at culture, scientific studies, and bringing them together to make for a very thoughtful analysis of these personality types.

What is weird is that a lot of this book is the author assuring the reader that nothing is wrong with being an introvert. I never felt like there was something wrong with me. It probably helps that I was raised in a house of introverted people. My most cherished memories are sitting on the couch with my mom, both of us with a book while my grandma crocheted and grandpa played solitary in the kitchen. Or sitting and listening to grandpa playing his guitar.

Course, school was a different kettle of fish, but even there, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me because I was just like everyone I lived with. I was lucky this way.

There were a lot of interesting insights on this book that got me to thinking.

There is, of course the whole nature vs nurture debate which comes down squarely in the both category, which is to be expected.

If there was one thing I learned in my years studying the social sciences, is that a lot of stuff is a mix of both, because we are not computers executing codes that were programed in. Our codes are able to be influenced by outside stimuli. Experience triggers chemicals that activate certain things that are programed , while leaving others that we may be prone to alone. And then there are some things that are just hard coded in and they will Manifest regardless, other times, outside stimuli just rewires stuff. And to what extent this happens and what triggers what, is different for every person and every trait, or quirk, or whatever a person has. There are infinite combinations for everything.

What I found interesting is that western culture has been valuing one personality trait over another for a very long time.

And it wasn't always extroversion that took the lead.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that before the the turn of the 20th century quiet was more prized. You see it in novels, it's the composed girl, the stoic gentleman, the quiet fortitude that is valued. But - even then not too much. Look at Pride and Prejudice. Kitty and Lydia are more outgoing than their sisters, and are seen as silly, the quieter Jane is seen as more of an ideal. At least that's how I've interpreted it from the movie adaptations (I still *cannot* make it through that damned book).

It was after the turn of the 20th century that a more outgoing nature began to be considered a more advantageous trait.

What I find so weird is that as with the nature vs nurture thing, systems work best when things are in balance. So why does culture seem to either favor one or another?

As frustrated as I get with the idea that I should talk when there's nothing to say, or that I should go to parties when I hate them, I can just imagine what it must have been like for an extroverted person in a time when it was the socially acceptable thing to suppress part of your nature. It must have been exhausting.

The later part of the book points out something else that I honestly never thought of. Many introverts craft extroverted personas to make it through various situations. Hate small talk? Yeah, but it is the ball bearings of social interaction, so you deal. You would rather take time considering something but someone is breathing down your neck? Chose fast and hope. Don't want to talk during a meeting, infact know that the meeting is going to drain you? Deep breath baby, you gotta do it, and you need to interact.

Cain points out that everyone can behave outside of their personality type if it means enough to them. I know this to be true. Get me started on certain subjects and I will hold conversations and debate until the cows come home. My battery will likely be depleted, but I will feel *good*.

But, it is also pointed out that, doing this too long without a break, *or* faking it too much, and it can lead to burn out.

I work as a receptionist, and general office drone in a hospice agency. I answer phones and I have to be friendly, warm, polite, open patient and, if need be - commanding and/or softly confrontational. On top of this I have to work with our field staff, management and marketing which can sometimes feel like working with toddlers... who need naps. And I do this forty hours a week.

Now, consider that in my off time, I don't want to talk on the phone unless I have known you more than ten years, I would rather peel my own skin off than have a confrontation, will (and have) hidden from my neighbors to avoid small talk, and will simply work around it if someone failed to do something I needed to get done.

The only time I don't feel like I am putting on one hell of a show at work is when I am doing the quiet part of my job (faxes, paperwork, etc.) Or when I am actually speaking to a patient or family member. I like to help people and sure, they might start off with commentary about the weather, but they are calling because they have a question or need something. I am happy to try and help them find an answer, get them to a nurse, or even just talk with them a little because they need an ear.

But the rest of the time, I am faking an outgoing persona, I knew it was wearing on me, But when this book talks about problems with the immune system, and migraines, and moods... I suddenly realized that this might be one reason why I have been feeling so off kilter and somewhat adrift.

Cain points out that if you are doing a job that is not suited to your personality trait, you can figure out a way to do them that won't drain you. Much of her advice sort of assumes that one is doing something one likes doing, and the advice is good. Need to contribute to a meeting? Practice some talking points ahead of time. Need to mix at a party? Have a set time that you circulate, and then it's okay to find yourself a small group to talk with, or leave if you need to.

Things like that. There isn't a lot of advice for when you're not doing your job for love, but because you need, like, food and stuff.

But, I bet I can figure something out.

All in all, if you want a cultural look at introversion and how we have streaths all our own, this is a good read.

[shinidamachu]

What Disney AUs do you think suit InuKag best? Personally I think they’re a mix of Beauty and the Beast, Tarzan and Aladdin with a touch of the Little Mermaid sprinkled in. (The Little Mermaid because just imagine Inuyasha mistaking Kikyo for Kagome - i.e. the actual woman who saved his life and plus Kagome has always wanted to be part of Inuyasha’s world lol)

I think you're dead right!

When it comes to Inukag Disney AUs, Beauty and the Beast is naturally the first one that comes to my mind. I've actually talked about it before, tracing a few parallels between them. I also wrote a little Inukag oneshot called Tale As Old As Time with their similarities in mind.

I know this might seem cliché, but both of them are classic couples. Even the songs Tale As Old As Time and Something There fits Inuyasha and Kagome so perfectly that they're on my personal Inukag Playlist.

Some people have pointed out that Inuyasha remained a half demon while Adam became human in the end and that's why they don't quite like the comparison. This is a valid take, that I understand and respect. To me, however, the difference lies in the fact that Adam was cursed with the beast's appearence. It's a temporary situation that he has to overcome by finding someone who coul love him beyond his appearance, which he did with Belle. That's why changes back to what he has always supposed to be.

Inuyasha, on the other hand, wasn't cursed. He was a half demon and this condition wasn't one he had to overcome, but rather accept and embrace, which he did by finding someone who can love him as a half demon. That's why his appearance stays the same: this was already who he was, but thanks to Kagome he realizes that he doesn't need to change who he is.

And the whole point of Beauty and the Beast was that, yes, Adam became human again, but it was pretty clear Belle would still love him if he hadn't. In the same way, Kagome loves Inuyasha just the way he is. Belle and Kagome are not there to "fix" them, but rather to show them true kindness, friendship and acceptance while they fix themselves. The simple presence of Belle and Kagome into their lives inspires them to become the very best versions of themselves and in turn, Belle and Kagome found in them some things that has always been lacking on their lives: And the whole point of Beauty and the Beast was that, yes, Adam became human again, but it was pretty clear Belle would still love him if he hadn't. In the same way, Kagome loves Inuyasha just the way he is. Belle and Kagome are not there to "fix" them, but rather to show them true kindness, friendship and acceptance while they fix themselves.

The simple presence of Belle and Kagome into their lives inspires them to become the very best versions of themselves and in turn, Belle and Kagome found in them some things that hasve always been lacking on their lives: getting out of their comfort zones, the adventure of a life time and an all consuming love. The lives they had lead so far were fine, but they weren't where they were supposed to be.

That being said, the overall dynamic of both couples is quite similar. The fact that they're unafraid of calling each other out and the way they always give as good as they got make all of their interactions feel like a dance where one is leading while the other follows and then the roles change again and again, in a compelling push and pull, which manifests not only on their actual actions, but also in their bodily language, as represented on the gif above.

Not to mention the "reluctant companions to friends to lovers" journey, Belle and Kagome's intelligence, forgiving nature, nursing personality, optimism and determination to make the best out of every bad situations as well as Adam and Inuyasha's bad attitude, protective instincts, secret heart of gold, self deprecating traits and willingness to put their love interests' happiness before their own. Plus they are all unbelievably stubborn. The relationships are the epitome of balance to me, so complementary that feels inevitable in the most natural, organic way.

Tarzan feels like a perfect Inukag AU too. You'll Be In My Heart is also on my Inuyasha Playlist. Inuyasha and Tarzan are both simple, wild, lonely souls. And even though they're both physically strong, there's still such a gentle, sweet way about them. They've lead a difficult childhood, having to be though from a very young age in order to survive. And even though they're not particularly "book smart", they're clever in their own interesting way, fast learners who are used to think quick on their (always bare) feet. They also seem to enjoy challenge and fighting and share an (understandably) awkward set of social skills.

Kagome and Jane, on the other hand, are smart and empathetic, perhaps to a fault. I love the way their femininity is portrayed because even though on a superficial level they're the perfect embodiment of what a lady from their respectives time and age should be, they often perform said femininity in an unexpected way, that is so unique of them. They might be a little clumsy and trouble has a way of finding them whenever they are, but my favorite thing is that they learn from Inuyasha and Tarzan as much as they teach them. They're very brave and I admire how they left everything they knew behind to follow their hearts and choose what was right for them.

Last but not least, I can't help but mention their unusual way of locomotion. While Tarzan and Jane will take vine rides together, Inuyasha will often carry Kagome around on his back and these became iconic aspects of the couples. That being said, I want to finish by pointing out that Kagome and Jane gave Inuyasha and Tarzan the humanity they had lost. The relationships are about finding a place to belong.

Inuyasha and Kagome took "A Whole New World" to "A Whole New Level" (bad pun intended). The meaning is both figurative (they do have very opposite backgrounds) and literal (since they truly are from entire different dimensions). What gets me about this one is that the two couples seem genuinely interested in their partner's lives and the way Aladdin's "transformation" into a fake prince to try and impress Jasmine parallels Inuyasha's desire to become a full demon to protect Kagome, while the girls actually appreciate honesty and like the real version of them way better.

To me, Aladdin and Jasmine are all about the playful, teasing, flirting lighty side of Inukag. They have this "partners in crime" thing going on where they act like a perfectly in sync team, understanding each other with just a look and going with it as if they had been scheeming together for their whole lives and this just screams Inukag. It also helps that the girls can read their boys like a book, knowing from the start they were more than the eyes could see and, for their turn, the boys treated them as equals.

Plus, Aladdin and Inuyasha both had to strugle to pass by, always searching for something that would change their lives for the better and making fun of their opponents. Jasmine and Kagome, on the other hand, have explosive personalities and absolutely refuse to put their fates on the hands of other people than their own. The theme of trust is also very important in the story of both couples.

I must admit that I never really considered The Little Mermaid before, but you absolutely sold me on it for all of the reasons you explained above, so I won't dive too deep on it. I'd only add that Ariel's voice was what touched Eric the most when she saved him and Kagome's voice literally saved Inuyasha's life countless times.

There's also the "everything you're looking for is right in fron of you" trope. Not that Inuyasha wasn't aware of his feelings for Kagome but it's only in the finale that we get the "we were born for each other" speech. Plus, both Eric and Inuyasha obviously have very strong feelings for Ariel and Kagome during the story, but are ultimately holding back. Eric because he thinks his true love is the mysterious woman who saved him, without knowing said woman is Ariel herself. And Inuyasha because he feels obligated to let Kikyo drag him to hell, since he blames himself for her death.

Choosing to stay and be part of this strange world over the place Ariel and Kagome once called home is also a given. And I won't talk about their almost kisses I won't talk about their almost kisses I won't talk about their almost kisses I won't talk about their almost kisses I won't talk about their almost kis-

One more thing: THEIR ALMOST KISSES!

Now for the ones you haven't mentioned:

Even though I'll admit Megara has much more in common with Kagura than with Kagome, there's no denying her sassy remarks and sense of humor has Kagome written all over it. Her whole "I Won't Say I'm In Love" bit has peak early Kagome "someone the exact opposite of Inuyasha, that's the perfect guy for me" energy. These girls set camp on the denial station.

Of course, the fact that Megara falls for Hercules and Kagome falls for Inuyasha shows that they have the same taste in men: the hero. Because Hercules is literally Inuyasha.

From being socially excluded because of their supernatural powers and never fitting in to having the chronic need to save the day. Both of them go on a journey that teachs them how to be stronger than they have always been, how to use that strenght to help people, especially the woman they love and that also gives him a place to belong. "I Can Go The Distance" it's also on my Inuyasha Playlist because obviously. Just imagine Toga as Zeus and Izayoi as Era and tell me if it doesn't fit perfectly.

"People always do crazy things when they're in love." Inuyasha throwing himself off a cliff on his human night to save Kagome? Kagome walking on acid just because she knew Inuyasha needed her to hold him? HELLO?!?

Oh, it's their constant bickering and the circumstances forcing them to work together for me! Naveen's cockiness and selfishness, Tiana's hard working nature and sheer determination... it suits Inukag like a glove.

I do wish Kagome's relationship with her father had the same narrative importance as Tiana's relationship with her father, since they both lost their dads. But alternate universes are the perfect place to explore that, don't you think? And I'd argue that their relationship with their mothers almost make up for it because they're healthy, supportive and comforting in both cases.

"When you find out who you are you'll find out what you need" is just about Inuyasha as it is about Naveen. And the following?

Prince Froggy is a rich little boy

You wanna be rich again?

That ain't gonna make you happy now

Did it make you happy then? NO!

What riches was for Naveen, becoming a full demon was to Inuyasha when he wanted to do it for selfish reasons. Maybe if circumstances were different he would have managed to wish upon the jewel and transform, but even if it worked (which we later find out it wouldn't), he would still be unhappy.

Tiana's one track mind about working hard and opening her restaurant reminds me of Kagome's obssession with her studies. And Naveen giving up his chance to propose because he doesn't want to get in the way of Tiana's dream reminds me of Inuyasha realizing Kagome has other people who need her and all of the times he let her go because he knew it was the best for her. Love has made them generous.

Guess what? I See The Light? ON MY INUKAG PLAYLIST WHERE IT BELONGS! And don't you dare looking me in the eyes and telling me "you were my new dream" isn't something Inuyasha would have thought about Kagome because for far too long his biggest goal was to become a full demon, but by the end of the story he wanted nothing more than a future with Kagome.

Kagome and Rapunzel are innocent, bubly, magical power users, versatile and have a way to make friends with ease. Inuyasha and Eugene are pretty shady at first, but in a charming, almost comical way and the more you find out about their pasts, the more you know their hearts have always been in the right place.

Sure, Kagome didn't spend her whole life confined in a tower, but she was only fifteen and her family made an excellent job out of shielding her from the ugly face of the world, as a good family should do. Therefore, just like Rapunzel, there was a whole new set of feelings and experiences, good and bad, that she was discovering for the very first time.

For their part, Eugene and Inuyasha saw the girls as obstacles to their goals so they tried to scared both of them off, which only blew on their faces when Rapunzel and Kagome won them over by being reliable and kind enough to take the time to know who they really were, never judging their past mistakes and encouraging them to drop their respective "Flynn Rider"/"I Want to be a Full Demon" facade.

I won't talk too much about this one either because the Inuyasha fandom has quite extensive Atlantis AU content (especially by @artistefish). I would only repeat myself more and this post is already massive as it is. Just want to say that my favorite thing about it is the reversal gender role, because Inuyasha is Kida and Kagome is Milo. I find it greatly refreshing and aesthetically pleasing.

If someone could pull the "pretending to be a man so she could take her injured, older relative's place on the army and saving her whole country in the end" stunt off, it's definitely Kagome. There's a fanfic I love called Oblivion by @meggz0rz that has this exact same vibe. Kagome and Mulan would do anything for their families. They're always doing their best to make them proud. And as much as they want to be there for them, sometimes this clashes with what they gotta do.

But I think the greatest thing they have in common is the ingenuity. They know their physical appearance puts them in disadvantage. They're small and they have little to no muscles, so instead of fighting harder they fight smarter, often turning their opponent's weakness against them, be it physical or emotional, and using their surroundings to fashion a creative way out. Mulan's little trick with the fan and Kagome's makeshift blowtorch are just a few examples that come to mind.

That being said, Chang and Inuyasha were born to lead. And they're extremely competent when it comes to battle, but helpless, nervous wrecks where feelings are concerned. They're tough and their fathers left impossible shoes for them to fill, but they're doing their best and deep down they do care. A lot. Mulan and Kagome's families immediate acceptance of Chang and Inuyasha is also something that amuses me to no end.

Plus, they're the blueprint of battle couples. And the bissexual energy they exude is palpable.

Just hear me out. Kikyo can fucking deliver as Elsa. The role was written for her. And we can have the Kagome and Kikyo as iconic sisters AU to end all the Kagome and Kikyo as iconic sisters AU's.

Anna and Kagome are quite naive in regards to love. They're both helpless romantics, which is an excellent contrast to Kristoff and Inuyasha's more cynical approach of it.

I like how the personalities of these characters clash. I like how Anna and Kagome didn't even consider Kristoff and Inuyasha in a romantic light because they have wrongfully assumed the boys were not the kind of people they would ever fall for (which it's also a nod to their lack of self knowledge).

But my favorite thing is that the love between both couples were built brick by brick. Cultivated in a series of actions that developed not only the relationships but the characters themselves. It didn't come easy, it wasn't given to them on a silver plate. They worked for it together and their happily ever after felt earned, substancial and above all: real.

BONUS: Princesses don't marry kitchen boys and priestesses don't marry half demons... Except when they do. I know this is cheating because originally Anastasia isn't from Disney, but Mickey Mouse bought Fox and technically she is from Disney now, so... sue me.

I could write an entire separate post about this. And I kind of did. Anastasia is a long time hyperfixation of mine and I hope to one day write this Inukag AU myself because the chemistry both couples have is simply out of this world.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: The Lion King, Enchanted, Lady and the Tramp.

[utilitycaster]

🔥 would love to hear more on "the story is better if [Molly]'s dead" bc I agree, but I want to hear your

I hope you don't mind if I use this, as I am wont, to slip in a number of other opinions and elaborate on some other beliefs I hold about story and actual play and narrative; I will also answer the question somewhere within it.

I think the story of Molly's death truly illustrated for me how much people's discussion of things like actual play and narrative is colored by their personal opinions and honestly how frustrating that can be. Obviously your meta is going to be flavored by your opinions, but any argument I've seen that Molly's death isn't good for the story rests on the assumption that a successful story relies on Molly being alive because the person holding that opinion really likes him - it's a completely circular argument. And it's valid to like him, but it means that for anyone for whom Molly was not their favorite character, this argument is meaningless because like. It is a better story when his death is left to stand.

Anyway: When I say it's a better story, I do not think Molly should have deliberately been killed off or anything. I am saying that once he died, the story becomes first about failure and fear of mortality, as half of this scrappy bunch of people who have to fight for something realize that actually yes the world is sometimes just as harsh and unfair as they've been acting, and it becomes about misplaced and powerless guilt for the other half who literally could not do anything to stop it and yet all somehow feel responsible. And they come together, and slowly work through it, but it colors their experience throughout the entire rest of the campaign.

I was often frustrated by the Mighty Nein's hesitancy when it came to boss battles, but also? It made complete sense! Molly died when they went into battle with incomplete information - of course they want to gather more information! It defines how intensely they respond to each others' (temporary deaths): part of why the Nein had only one resurrection ritual and the rest were revivifies as compared to Vox Machina was that they had two clerics with them at all times, but I think Caleb's intense reaction to Nott's death and Jester's similarly intense one for Fjord's comes from the fact that they are so aware of the consequences. This party was irrevocably changed by Molly's death and undoing it later on feels kind of cheap - getting the development without paying the price.

I think the decision Matt made to have Cree resurrect Lucien from Molly's body was an excellent one as it removed that possibility from the table for a long time and cemented the potential finality to the party. I also understand completely that the Mighty Nein would attempt one last time to resurrect Molly, because they are not aware that they are characters in a story and they just want to bring him back in the end, but my god is that the most fortuitous and poetic natural 1 I've ever seen, and I have endless respect for Taliesin's choice not to bring back Molly but rather to be a new person who shares some traits.

I think we see this influence in some ways most literally in Caleb - Liam confirmed that it was pretty up in the air whether he'd use the T-dock until close to the actual scene where he made that choice, and I think that final failed resurrection was a major factor in helping him come to terms with the finality of death and with his perceived failures and being able to let go, although the process had already been started.

In the end, I think the Mighty Nein's story turns into one best described by the seminal 90s song Hey Jealousy: the past is gone but something might be found to take its place. All these characters had every reason to be stuck in a difficult past and all of them managed to strike a truly impressive balance of going back to something not dissimilar than where they started, while still profoundly changed as people, specifically because they accepted the death or change (and, as any tarot reader or person made to study Jungian archetypes in school can tell you, death is often used to symbolize change).

[thenightmaregrrl]

Why TFA Optimus Prime Is My Role Model

I think my strong moral code came from my role model.

Optimus Prime.

I know it’s weird, me, a 19 year old girl has a giant robot from outer space that turns into a semi truck is my role model. More importantly, the incarnation of Optimus in the TV show ‘Transformers Animated’.

Normally, Optimus is depicted as the bastion of good and justice, this all around good guy, this wise sage who gives great advice when needed, his nickname is “Robot Jesus” for a reason.

TFA Optimus is not like that, he’s young, inexperienced, emotional. His back story is that he was once a cadet at Cybertron’s version of West Point who was expelled because he and two friends went to an off-limits planet full of alien spiders that led to the ‘death’ of his friend Elita-1 and he took the blame for it despite being the one telling them to go back and that it was a bad idea.

In the show, Optimus tries to be a hero. But his version of a ‘hero’ was what we depict in Hollywood action movies. Not a person who goes above and beyond to do the right thing because it is the right thing, not for fame, glory, money, praise.

In Animated, I noticed that Optimus showed emotions, in the original 1984 cartoon he’s an amazing leader who is caring and determined who is willing to crack a joke or two. In the Michael Bay movies he’s this battle hardened warrior who saw his world crumble around him and had to stay strong for his people and often lashed out at his opponents, shooting first and asking questions almost never. In Prime, he’s stoic, serious, calm, almost unreadable.

In Animated’s season 1 finale, Optimus finds out Prowl and Bulkhead lied to him about what happened to the Dinobots, he exploded, yelling at them and calling them malfunctions, you see he is stressed out because Decepticons are closing in, the Allspark is unguarded, they have no way to call Cybertron for help. This was the first time I saw him angry, visibly angry.

In the second episode of season 2, “Return of the Headmaster”, Optimus has to help his “friend” Sentinel Prime get his body back from the villain known as the Headmaster. It’s one of my favorites for one specific reason.

Optimus Prime laughs.

Now when I first watched Transformers Animated at 12 years old, I never heard him laugh before, maybe a chuckle here and there, or a smile, but never a full blown laugh. The reason he laughed was because he found Sentinel, missing his body, only his head.

Sentinel is a boisterous, egotistical, haughty, and stubborn Autobot. He never admits his faults or when he is wrong, he thinks he’s in the right all the time and isn’t afraid to use shady tactics to climb up the social ladder. In the series finale, we learned that Sentinel threw Optimus under the bus and placed the blame solely on him during the trial.

Optimus in Transformers Animated and I have similar personality traits.

We’re both humble, well intentioned, good hearted, we’re always there for our friends, when I get angry I become snappy and loud. When I get sad I try to keep it in and not be a burden to others, similar to him. He and I can get pretty witty and sarcastic.

Another reason I think TFA Optimus is my role model is because of my life situation at the time.

In 2014, I was in 6th grade, I was beginning to develop depression due to severe bullying from my classmates and having little to no friends at the time. My lifelong pet Nicholas passed away. And people who I thought were my friends at the time turned out to be liars and only hung out with me was because I was a subject of pity for them. Because of my bullies, I developed thoughts of hurting myself and had tried but never followed through while also developing severe anxiety.

I soon remembered a memory I had when I was 5. I remembered accidentally coming across the episode "Along Came A Spider", I thought it would be a good idea to rewatch it to see if it would make me feel better. I was desperate for something to make me smile or laugh since at that point in my life it was hard for me to get out of bed in the morning.

As I watched it, I immediately latched onto Optimus, finding him my favorite character. And as I got older, I began to connect parts of my life to his story in Animated.

Optimus being expelled=Me entering my new school as soon as I left my elementary school.

Sentinel= My ex "friends" in elementary school who only hung out with me out of pity while also abandoning me for my harshest bully and an ex friend I had to cut contact with because he touched (non sexually) my little brother without his permission and gave excuses while playing victim instead of apologizing.

Earth= My middle/high school.

The repair crew= The true friends who actually cared about me and were there for me as I was there for them.

Even now, I still try to live up to his example every day. I've had my ups and downs, like my high school graduation, getting accepted into college, my hospitalization due to an unalive attempt, me dropping out of college due to my mental health crashing to the point of almost relapsing. Like he did in his story.

This might not be me at my best at writing, but it's from the heart.

Thank you for reading,

Nightmare

[eagles-translated]

Analyzing the writing of Eagles

Here's a post I've been wanting to make for a while! I've expressed my thoughts on some of the storylines in previous posts, but I've never done a complete post on the writing of the whole show. I've divided this post into separate parts, focusing on each season and its plot points. Keep reading to see my analysis of the writing in Eagles! 👇 Word Count: 18k

If you've stumbled upon this post from the Young Royals or the Beartown tag (tagged them since I've drawn some parallels from those shows), here's a brief summary of what Eagles is, which you can watch with English subtitles here. This post contains Eagles spoilers from 1x01 - 3x10.

Eagles is a Swedish TV show that revolves around a few teenagers living in the Swedish ice hockey town Oskarshamn while experiencing friendship, love, and rivalry on the ice.

To start this off I would like to say that I have no experience with professional screenwriting and if anything, this is just a way for me to procrastinate on actually writing my own projects.

I love experiencing new stories and when I discover one I really like it's just natural for me to branch off with "what ifs" and to start wondering how the story would've turned out if some things were changed. Sometimes it's with a storyline improvement in mind, and other times it's just out of plain curiosity.

You might feel like this post is leaning towards the critical side, and I can definitely understand why since there are a lot of small details that I've picked apart from all seasons. I added a section for each season with things that I thought were really well done so this post wouldn't be too negative.

I actually did enjoy all seasons and I feel like the quality of not just the writing but every single thing has steadily increased each year.

Season 1: Tropes and clichés

Eagles premiered its first season in 2019 and was, despite many negative reviews, a big success among its target audience. Every episode on SVT Play amassed around 700 000–800 000 views and there didn't seem to be any doubt that the show would get renewed.

What the critics had issues with were that "Eagles rarely takes the unexpected path, and feels like a slightly soulless product of studied target group thinking a little too often," (Karolina Fjellborg in Aftonbladet) and "In Eagles, the characters seem to be locked in the role of a "teenager" but the humanity is missing. They've simplified the construction of the character," (Django Lorentzson in MovieZine).

Eagles was unfortunate enough to constantly be compared to SKAM in its infancy, and that's a tough comparison to live up to. SVT sort of shot themselves in the foot as they were the ones who contributed to it. While the show was still in the casting process, SVT wrote an article hyping the show up as a Swedish SKAM (which has since been edited, but led many to falsely believe that it would involve all the familiar SKAM characters with some hockey elements sprinkled in).

So, why exactly did critics think the first three episodes of the show were predictable and soulless? Well, it's pretty simple. They'd seen it all before. The setting, the characters, the storylines—just in different TV shows and movies.

Season 1 for me is nostalgic and very enjoyable despite its clichéd nature. I also felt like I'd seen the show before due to its generic storylines, but there is a reason why tropes are tropes and why clichés are clichés. It's because they're tried and true, and actually somewhat good writing tools as long as you expand on them. The keyword here is to expand—a story doesn't magically become good simply because you mimic something another writer has done. Tropes are fine to use but you can't just apply them and stop there. Everything in a story needs to be developed in order to be good.

It's safe to say that it's pretty much impossible to write a story without any tropes that have been used before. Striving to avoid clichés at all costs in hopes of making your story as original as possible is harder than it sounds, and almost impossible to boot. Here's a great piece of advice for aspiring writers written by a user on Carvezine:

[...] if you look down at your story and are worried it’s already been told before – don’t spend another second thinking about it. It has. A million times. The only difference is that it hasn’t been told by you. Accept that regurgitation is part of writing, and just do your best not to regurgitate the same way as the guy next to you. We’d all do well to acknowledge there is at least a portion of our stories that are really someone else’s. [...] Beyond that, write with the motivation that if you don’t get around to telling your story, eventually somebody else will.

Even the greatest books have storylines with some clichés. And that's not really a bad thing, either. Think about it. How many times have you decided to binge a TV show solely because it reminded you of another series? Or picked up a book simply because you love a good enemies to lovers romance, a battle between good and evil fantasy, or whatever it might be?

I found this article from Masterclass that perfectly describes what tropes are and why they're used. It's written from the perspective of novel writing but it is still applicable.

A trope in literary terms is a plot device or character attribute that is used so commonly in the genre that it’s seen as commonplace or conventional. For example, a trope in superhero stories is a villain who wants to take over the world. Tropes are popular for a reason—if something has been written about over and over again, there’s a good chance that it’s something readers enjoy reading! Tropes can be helpful, but a novel made up only of tropes will quickly start to feel stale and predictable to readers. That’s why you need to read up on tropes—and then innovate. Deliberately taking a favorite trope and turning it on its head is a great way to put your own unique spin on the genre and keep your readers interested.

Eagles, in its first season, didn't really do a lot of expanding upon the tropes they used and it's understandable that they were still trying to find their footing. I can also imagine it's difficult to do so when you only have eight 20 minute episodes in the season.

However... There definitely should've been more work put into these characters to make them their own. It's tricky, yes, but still achievable if you don't abandon them in their cookie-cutter form and try to actually decorate them with something unique and fresh.

So, how did they write their characters?

Felicia's character and backstory

To start off, Felicia is a famous influencer known for starring in a reality show next to her former NHL professional father. There's already a clear disconnect because it's hard to relate to a character with such a public past and large following. But it is 100% possible if you let the viewer know the character has humane qualities just like the person watching the show.

Look at Wilhelm from Netflix's Young Royals, another Swedish TV show. Wilhelm is the prince of Sweden, set to attend a prestigious elite boarding school, and is the heir to the throne. That doesn't exactly sound like a relatable scenario, does it? And yet the writers make it work because when we're introduced to Wilhelm we realize he's just like everybody else. He wants a normal life, he latches on to his older brother for support, he has anxiety, and he struggles between following his heart versus doing what his family is expecting him to do. A lot of these factors are relatable among the audience.

So, let's look at Felicia Kroon. She is in many ways portrayed as the main character of the show. Eagles starts off with her family having moved to Oskarshamn and the following episodes focus on her developing relationship with Ludde as well as her traumatic past. There's almost too much focus on Felicia here, and I'll get back to that.

Comparing Felicia to Wilhelm from Young Royals, they're both well-known teenagers with famous parents. Of course they have different circumstances considering Felicia is Instagram popular and Wilhelm is a blood royal, but in the grand scheme of things they're similar. Felicia is even referred to as a "Kroon princess" because of her last name Kroon bearing a resemblance to the Swedish word kronprinsessa, meaning crown princess.

The students of their respective schools treat their attendance as a big deal when they first arrive and then Wilhelm and Felicia start spending time with the "popular" crowd despite not really fitting in there.

I personally found it easy to relate to Wilhelm but difficult to relate to Felicia. Some people may feel differently, but her character is basically a popular party girl who attracts the attention of one of the school's star players and is "welcomed" by the popular crowd on her first day of school. I put welcome in quotation marks because Klara, the leader of the girl group, isn't exactly the most welcoming person but she does welcome Felicia to the school. My point is, Felicia doesn't have a lot of relatable traits in the first episodes.

Felicia then goes on a date with the guy she's met, Ludde. Okay, so there haven't been that many layers to her character yet. We're at the third episode and so far she's been kind of flat.

Near the end of the third episode, we get some depth to the character and we hear her back story.

Felicia: [...] We don’t have a good relationship, my dad and I. And that’s probably why we moved from the beginning, because he’s an idiot. We’ve never been close, but… Elias and he have been since they’ve had hockey. [...] And mom has been really involved, so… And I… They’ve never really cared about me. And… And I haven’t really been a problem either. I’ve had good grades, good friends, and… I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I don’t talk about it to people. [...] I just felt so fucking lonely and invisible. I was worried all the time, couldn’t sleep, panicked because I couldn’t sleep… So I started going out more. It went overboard. It started affecting school, my grades slipped… I started taking things to be able to concentrate. Everybody does stuff like that. And then I still couldn’t sleep, so… I started mixing with sleeping pills. And there’s always wine and booze at our place. I don’t want this to come out, that’s really important. Ludde: Of course, I’d never tell. Felicia: One night, something happened that made me… Act out of control more than usual. I woke up the next morning in the hospital. So they sent me to rehab. It was really rough for mom and dad that I was suddenly in focus. When I woke up, dad wasn’t even there. Ludde: What made you take too much that night? Felicia: I’d forgotten my phone at home, so I ran up and got it while my friends were waiting in an Uber. Then I came into the hall and I heard noises. You know, like, when somebody is doing it. Ludde: Okay. Felicia: And I thought it was really weird because mom wasn’t home. So I went into the living room… Dad was fucking my mom’s best friend. On the rug below the couch.

This gives Felicia more layers and does separate her from every other "popular pretty party girl" trope that you see on TV. But this is a huge info dump, and that's a problem. I would've liked to see this happen on-screen instead of only being told what went down. The golden rule of Show don't tell, as people like to say.

Show, don’t tell is a writing technique in which story and characters are related through sensory details and actions rather than exposition. It fosters a style of writing that’s more immersive for the reader, allowing them to “be in the room” with the characters. In his most commonly repeated quote, Chekhov said, “Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass."

This back story could've been more impactful that way if, perhaps, the show began with Felicia in a hospital bed with a strong headache and hazy flashbacks of that night where she saw her dad sleeping with another woman. Then we're introduced to her mother and brother sitting next to the hospital bed tired and worried, and Felicia notices her dad isn't present. They tell her Felicia is being sent to rehab and then there's a time-jump before we see the Kroon family having moved to Oskarshamn.

That's just an idea I threw together at the top of my head, but you get my point. It would've been more interesting if we knew from the beginning that Felicia had a traumatic past like this, leading the viewer to want to know more about what actually happened.

We did get a brief flashback at the very beginning of the show—we see Felicia partying with her friends and taking some pill before lying unconscious on the ground. There's also a glimpse of Ludde's car accident with Andreas yelling at him to get out of there.

That segment only lasts for around 45 seconds and it's easily forgettable upon your first viewing of the show. It's also hard to even recognize Felicia in the dark nightclub setting with the flashing lights. Some dialogue in that short scene could've made it more memorable, because I found that when I first watched season 1 I remembered Andreas yelling at Ludde despite that being drowned out by the music.

Ludde's backstory was way more well-done, in my opinion. We see him having crashed the car and bleeding from his head. He looks terrified and almost frozen by fear, needing to be pulled out of the car by a panicked Andreas yelling at him to bring Ludde back to the reality of the situation. We see Andreas yelling and pointing, telling Ludde he needs to run now. It's more powerful when we get to see it.

And in episode 8, when we learn the truth of what happened, it's not a long and dragged-out monologue. It fits into what's going on in the story. Felicia and Ludde have known each other for a few months now and are much closer than they were on their first date. They've had disagreements and fights, but at this moment they're in a good place.

And it feels like the right moment for Ludde to come clean about what happened to him.

Ludde: Hey… There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. Felicia: What? Ludde: About… My brother. It’s not really as everybody thinks. Felicia: What do you mean? Ludde: That night when he crashed… It wasn’t Andreas who drove the car. We were on our way home from one of his buddies. We’d had some fun drinking. And then… I’d just started learning how to drive. So I nagged and nagged at him. Felicia: So you were the one driving? But he’s an adult- Ludde: He was drunk as hell. He was going to leave the car, but I thought it was so cold and it was only three blocks away so I thought that I could drive. Felicia: And what happened? Ludde: It was slippery and really dark… And a car came. I hit the brakes in time, but it… Yeah. Right after he pushed me out of the car and yelled that I should run home straight away. He really didn’t want me to get into trouble. So, yeah… It was fucking bad luck. I want to just gather everybody and scream that it was me. Felicia: Hey… I love you. Ludde: I love you too. I love you so fucking much.

As Ludde is telling Felicia what happened as the other car came, we see a silent flashback of it along with Ludde's voice narrating. We see Andreas pulling him out of the car and yelling. Cutting to this scene that we've already seen in the beginning but might've forgotten about is a smart choice and makes the story Ludde is telling more real. We see it unfolding as Ludde is telling this to Felicia. It's a powerful scene.

We then see Felicia hugging Ludde from behind, a sign of support with no words needed. She tells him she loves him and Ludde says it back. It's an honest and sweet moment that comes at a perfect time in the story. It's not too early like Felicia's backstory was.

I sort of understand why Felicia's backstory was info-dumped because it was right before the drama of Mats accidentally spilling the beans to Klara's family. They wanted the audience to know what happened to her early, so they could move on to the plot point of Felicia thinking Ludde was the one who told everybody.

But we don't need every single detail of Felicia's story. Let it come organically. The only thing that was really needed was for Ludde to know that Felicia had struggled with drug use and was sent to rehab for this storyline to work. The reason why could've been saved for later, and it would've made for a more interesting reveal. Maybe just have Felicia allude to seeing something that night, but don't tell the viewers right away what it was.

In 1x06, Felicia is incredibly upset when she hears that her dad was the one who told Klara's family what happened to Felicia in the US. And rightly so.

Felicia: Don’t you get it? You ruined everything! Mats: What? Felicia: You told the whole damn town about me! About the US! Mats: I really didn’t mean to disclose you- Or disclose us. Sorry. Hey, sorry. Flisan, please. Hey. Felicia: Did you tell them you fucked mom’s best friend too? Yes, I saw you.

If this had been the moment where we first find out what Felicia saw, it would've been more surprising. Our reaction would've mirrored Mats's, and it would've been more heart-wrenching to know that Felicia was traumatized by an affair her dad had only to be cheated on herself in the very same episode.

Ludde's problematic nature

One of the scriptwriters of Eagles, Fanny Ekstrand, was interviewed in the behind-the-scenes documentary Edvins Skådisdrömmar. In this interview, she states:

Ludvig, he's the one who's been the easiest to retain the personality of. Because he's so... He's calm and friendly, but he makes dumb decisions. Ludvig isn't a typical hockey guy. He has a bunch of other qualities—music being one of them.

I found myself slightly disagreeing with this take, despite knowing Ekstrand is literally a part of the writing team and most likely helped shaped Ludde's personality. I just interpreted Ludde's character (at least in season 1) differently.

I also didn't find him that much different from any other typical hockey guy just because he happens to have another interest. That's a bit like saying Archie Andrews from The CW's Riverdale isn't a stereotypical jock because he also plays the guitar.

In season 1, we see Ludde break into the rink because he wanted to test out the ice. He just loves hockey that much. He also uses it as a way to express frustration and anger, which we saw in 1x05. He flirts with the new girl in school and in the beginning he even uses it as a tactic to gain a position on the main hockey team. This was confirmed by the creator Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A, where he said:

My idea has always been that Ludde was blown away by Felicia and that he really likes her but that they both initially interacted and met to go swimming because Felicia knew it would piss her dad off and Ludde knew that it might throw Elias off since they were competing for the same position in the team.

I would say that the characteristics of a typical hockey guy would be someone like Adam—obsessed with the sport, flirting with girls, going to parties, and just spending a lot of time in the rink. Ludde checks off all of these points. However, I will give this the benefit of the doubt since season 2 Ludde seems to change a lot and it's easier to interpret him as the calm and friendly guy he was supposed to be in season 1.

So to me, Ludde wasn't calm and friendly at all. In season 2, yes, but when we're first introduced to him?

Ludde shows anger issues and violent tendencies in 1x05 when he head-butts Elias and breaks his nose. It's violent and messy. He then yells at Felicia to leave when she's trying to communicate with him and belittles her drug problems solely because she's rich. To me, Ludde wasn't a nice person in 1x04 either when he let his friends make suggestive comments about Felicia and what she was like in bed.

Omar: I can tell you one thing - you’re not borrowing my towel today cause I don’t know where that dick has been. Adam: It’s nice when she sucks, right? Omar: Can’t you tell us some more, does she bite you or is it just really, really nice? [...] Adam: Is that what you sound like when you’re coming? What does she sound like?

This was described as "locker room talk" and the writers probably wanted to show an authentic view of what being a hockey player is like. I understand that. But it's a little problematic when it's later swept under the rug and treated like something that we're just supposed to accept.

Elias: [...] it’s not very fun to sit in a hockey locker room where people are talking about how nice it is to fuck my sister. Felicia: Ludde would never say anything like that, you know that. Elias: He wouldn’t? It’s a locker room, Felicia. That’s the only thing they talk about.

It did not sit right with me how Felicia seemed to be the one Elias blamed in this scene, and Ludde and his friends never faced any real consequences for what they said. Elias did lash out at Ludde, but there was no severe consequence for Omar and Adam's comments.

Compare this scenario to another Swedish show, Beartown on HBO. Beartown is similar to Eagles and focuses on a hockey team in a small town with one of the star players hooking up with a girl who's recently moved to their small town.

This girl is raped by the hockey player. And because of his status as the star of the team, he has almost the whole school behind him. The girl however is labeled as a lying slut. It's unfair and frustrating to see it happen, but it's authentic and done in a way that doesn't glamorize the ugly side of hockey culture.

Eagles is not as dark as Beartown so this comparison might be a little unfair. Beartown's whole storyline did revolve around this incident while in Eagles the hockey culture is treated more as a side thought. It's like they decided to throw in a taste of what goes on in a locker room just to create drama without really addressing it further.

Beartown did a much better job of portraying the problematic and toxic elements of hockey culture without making it seem like it's just something normal that we should accept. It was honest and raw. If you haven't seen the show, this short video does a great job of depicting how much thought was put into the toxic hockey culture, winning mentality, and subsequently hockey players thinking they're entitled to do whatever they want.

So, to respond to Ekstrand's quote from Edvins Skådisdrömmar—I did not experience Ludde as a "good guy" who only makes dumb decisions at all. In season 1, he's a bad person for letting his friends sexualize a girl he likes and letting her brother hear their disgusting comments. He's a bad person for fighting with her brother and later yelling at her, saying her drug issues are insignificant despite acting supportive of her only two episodes earlier.

I don't mind conflicts like these because they drive the story forward. I didn't particularly like Ludde in season 1 because of the reasons I just stated, but they're necessary to create drama and make the show interesting.

It's just weird to me how one of the writers is saying that Ludde is a calm person and a good guy when that is not at all how I interpreted his character.

Eagles is a show targeted towards a young audience, among them probably a lot of easily influenced pre-teens. What kind of message does this send to them when the guy letting his friends sexualize a girl he's slept with and on top of that laughing at their inappropriate comments is referred to as the good guy?

Klara is mean... What else?

From the moment we're introduced to Klara, it seems obvious that she'll play a living and breathing version of the infamous Alpha Bitch trope. She's also a prime example of the basic Popular is Evil trope and has her own Girl Posse consisting of Sara and Amie.

Klara feels threatened by the arrival of a potential new popular girl, Felicia, and does everything in her power to bully Felicia to show dominance. She barely shows any good sides of herself.

The only instance I can think of where we sort of see season 1 Klara in a positive light is when she talks to Amie in 1x05 about their friendship and then accompanies Amie to her audition for the school band.

Klara: Ever since Felicia started at school… It’s felt like you only hang out with her and that you’ve forgotten about me. She like took you from me. Amie: But I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, but do you get what I mean? Amie: I get it, but I haven’t forgotten you. Klara: No, I know. Amie: I know, but it just turned out that way when school started. Klara: Okay. Amie: But I’m sorry. Klara: It’s fine. Amie: Are you sure? Klara: Yeah. You can make it up to me when you go on your world tour.

Klara is really supportive of Amie's musical endeavors, but she also uses her support as a way to alienate Felicia from the girl group. It's very on the nose and kind of feels suffocating in the way it's written.

Klara: Amie, did you remove the clips? Amie: Yeah, she said they weren’t good. Klara: She’s just jealous. It’s so obvious. I mean, I’m jealous. You sing absolutely amazing. I don’t know, I just think it was really rude of her to sit in the cafeteria and criticize you like that Amie: Yeah, maybe. But she apologized. Klara: But still. That clip of you in the bathroom… Like… Sorry, but I’d be so mad if someone had posted something like that of me. I mean, you were standing there without makeup, completely non-fixed up. And the whole thing with her filming you without you knowing. That’s really weird. You don’t do that. Don’t you think so?

I'm sure there are plenty of people who act like this in real life. And maybe that's part of the problem, because Klara in season 1 really isn't an interesting character. We've met this person before and we know exactly what she's like. There's nothing new to discover. So season 1 is essentially just Klara being petty and rude every chance she gets, and to me it felt like a large part of her character was written just to stir up drama.

In 1x06, we see Klara backstab Amie by filming her making out with Ludde at her Halloween party. But I thought it was established in 1x05 that Klara feels like Amie was taken from her? And if Klara actually cared about Amie and didn't want to lose her as a friend, she wouldn't just stand by and watch with her phone recording the whole thing. It doesn't make a lot of sense.

Klara even made that whole point about how it was really weird of Felicia to film Amie without her knowing. So why would Klara do it, when she expressed that's weird and not something a normal person does? Is that supposed to be foreshadowing? Because if so, that's a clear contradiction and not how foreshadowing works.

When Sara happens to see the video on Klara's phone she immediately says that Klara should delete it.

Sara: What is that? Did they know you were filming? Klara: No, of course they didn’t know. Sara: Oh my god, Klara. You should probably delete it. Klara: I’m going to! But it’s crazy, right? Sara: Yeah, god. But seriously, delete it. Klara: I’m going to.

So Klara says she's going to delete the video. But it's still unclear why it was filmed in the first place if Klara insists that she's going to delete it. It's not like she filmed it just to show it to Sara either, since Sara wasn't meant to see it and only saw it by chance while swiping through Klara's photos on her phone.

It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video like that of her best friend that she's supposed to care about. It doesn't make sense for Klara to film a video of anybody without their knowledge when she previously made a big deal about how you shouldn't do that.

What Klara's character is, is a bad attempt at the classical mean girl. She's clichéd, boring, and full of tropes.

Even her eventual character development is riddled with tropes like the Heel Realization where a character realizes they're actually one of the bad guys. This realization seems to come in 1x08, where Felicia calls Klara out on her behavior.

Felicia: You know what, Klara. I’m so fucking tired of your fucking comments. You didn’t get to be Lucia this year. Poor you! Was dad unable to fix that? Cry then, Klara. Cry. You’re so fucking mean. Everybody here is tired- Everybody here is scared of you. Even those who liked you once, they can’t take it anymore. Klara: That’s not true. It’s not true. Felicia: Yes, everybody is scared of you. You know what? Look around. Show people some fucking respect. Klara: Well say something, Amie! Amie: What is there to say? She’s right.

Klara needed a wake-up call like this. It's just unfortunate that she goes back to her mean girl behavior and posts the video after Amie insinuated that Klara wasn't a real friend. Klara already knew that Amie felt that way since she said Felicia was right in her assessment of everybody being scared and tired of Klara. So wouldn't it have made more sense for Klara to post the video right after that moment instead of during Amie's performance?

Or rather, why not pull a Subverted Trope and not have Klara post the video at all after she realized how horrible she'd been acting? That would've made me respect her so much more and be a great introduction to her character development in season 2.

The Halloween Incident

To me, the whole Halloween episode was questionable. First off, we never got actual confirmation of what happened in that room between Amie and Ludde. Some viewers insist that they only made out and others believe they went all the way. Here's what the creator of the show, Stefan H. Lindén, had to say about this in a Q&A post he did:

I think if you went into the writers room of Eagles and asked all of us what really happened in that room [between Ludde and Amie at Klara's Halloween party] we would all have different answers.  I know what happened, but I’m not sure we will ever truly know for sure, unless Ludvig or Amie eventually are open enough to admit to anyone what really happened.

This is kind of a vague answer, but that's fair considering that when Stefan did this Q&A the latest episode that had been released was 2x05 and he probably didn't want to spoil anything. However, looking back at this answer knowing how the season turned out I still feel like it's unclear what happened. It's also strange that Stefan seems to be saying that they never actually decided what happened between them since the writers "would all have different answers".

1x06 was just an odd episode for me overall. Lots of things felt rushed and underdeveloped. Let's not forget that this episode also contained, in my opinion, some of the weirdest lines in the whole show (along with Elias's strange monologue about plague vampires).

Ludde: Hey, I only have like 3%. Do you have any power? Adam: Are you wondering if I have a power bank in my shorts? It’s coming-

Ludde: I like shellfish. (said to Amie, wearing a lobster costume)

Up until this episode, Ludde has shown zero interest and attraction towards Amie. We are basically told that Ludde only hooked up with Amie because he was so drunk that he practically had no idea what he was doing.

In 1x02, we see a drunk Amie try to kiss Tobbe and upon getting rejected she moves on to make out with Adam. She gets overly friendly when she's drunk so the fact that she makes out with Ludde later is... Weird, but not entirely out of the realms of possibility.

Ludde on the other hand is moping about Felicia all night. He regrets how he yelled at her at the end of 1x05 and it shows. He's trying to drown all his problems in alcohol and it seems to be working, because when it enters his system he seems to be on top of the world.

What I found kind of ambiguous in this incident was if Ludde even remembered what happened that night. He was drinking so much compared to Amie, who doesn't really need as much alcohol before she reaches her "overly friendly" state. I thought for sure that Ludde was oblivious to the situation when he woke up in his bed the next day and immediately messaged Felicia.

There are just so many questions to unpack here that were never answered. What prompted Amie and Ludde to go into that empty room? Why did Ludde come with her? Why didn't Adam seem to care about this, when he'd been sitting next to Ludde and taking care of him most of the night? And as I wrote before, why would Klara film this video of her best friend when she previously expressed that was a weird thing to do?

There's just too much in 1x06 left unanswered. The Amie/Ludde hook-up was a badly executed plot twist because there wasn't anything hinting that this would happen. It just came out of nowhere.

Unbalanced screentime and Elias's wasted potential

A large portion of season 1 was dedicated to Felicia. This was kind of a let-down for me since I thought more focus would be placed on Eagles as a hockey team (after all, that's what the show is named after). I also thought more attention would be on Elias since he's the talented star player who's supposed to live up to his father's legacy.

The show starts with a couple radio hosts hyping up how Elias Kroon, son of the legendary Mats Kroon, is going to join the Eagles hockey team.

Host #1: [...] It’s finally official. New center in the junior team - Elias Kroon, son to the legendary NHL-pro Mats Kroon, who has now chosen to move home from the US to his hometown where Elias will play in his father’s old club Oskarshamn Eagles. Host #2: This is so freaking cool. Who doesn’t want a Kroon on their team? Host #1: We hope that he’ll take a spot on the A-team.

But we don't learn a lot about who Elias actually is in the first episode. The attention is on Felicia and her interest in Ludde.

Elias is so discarded that he barely has anything to say in the first couple of scenes we see him in. Here are all his eight lines in 1x01, and I'm not even joking.

Elias: Yes. Elias: Shut up. Elias: Ow. Elias: It's fine. Elias: Really? Elias: Fucking hell. Elias: I'll stay here. Elias: No, it's fine.

In 1x02 he has even fewer lines. Three, to be exact, and all he says is that his injury is a sprain and that it's fine. Essentially just an echo of two of the lines he had in the previous episode. It's nothing new.

There's a way to have a character stand out when they don't have many lines, but Elias just fades into the background with every other extra. There's too much time spent on having other characters talk about Elias than us actually getting to know him. So when we do meet him, it's pretty underwhelming.

Compare Elias to his sister who gets so much more attention from the writers. I don't really understand why either, since I thought Elias was a much more interesting character than his influencer sister. Felicia's character only seems to revolve around a guy. I wonder how many times we've seen that before?

In 1x02 we see the Eagles hockey team play their first game, but Elias is unable to play and has to sit in the stands for what was supposed to be his debut match. Why? Because during a hockey practice session in 1x01, Adam rams his stick into Elias to purposely injure him. I mean, fair enough. Adam is trying to get Ludde on the main team since he and Elias are competing for the same position. The shot of Adam smiling after Elias sprains his wrist is a bit too on the nose, but whatever.

What this does is minimize Elias' presence in season 1 by a lot. We don't see the son of the legendary NHL professional play an actual game until 1x05, which is more than halfway into the season. It's kind of disappointing but I understand the injury is done to dramatize his situation.

Elias barely gets his own storylines in the first few episodes. He just has things done to him instead of acting on his own. When we do see him on screen he gets injured by Adam, reprimanded by his father, and later told he can't play in his debut game.

His sweet side (or any side of him, really) isn't shown until 1x03 when Amie wakes up at the Kroon house and Elias reassures her that they didn't do anything together and that she can borrow Felicia's clothes.

Elias doesn't really do much for the plot until he hears Ludde's friends objectify Felicia and he starts a fight with Ludde and confronts Felicia about it. That's when it feels like Elias is actually a part of this show instead of just being an extra shoved into the background. His actions are finally affecting the plot.

Elias's potential in season 1 was hugely wasted. The only episode where we actually got to see him shine was 1x07, when he travels to Karlskrona with Amie. We find out he doesn't want the hockey arrangement his dad has planned for him and that he's actually a pretty goofy guy who likes making jokes (and eating green candy).

If less time was spent with Felicia and the distribution of every episode's 20 minutes was more balanced, season 1 could've been massively improved. It got much better in season 2, but season 1 suffered and made many people think that Felicia was a basic and unentertaining character.

The side characters and their comic relief

So one thing that I found really disappointing with Felicia's amount of screentime is that we barely got enough time for the other main characters, let alone the side characters.

What I mean here is that the only people we really know on the Eagles hockey team are Ludde and Elias. Ludde's friends, Adam and Omar, just feel like comic relief sidekicks. We don't really know what they're like, besides the fact that they like to make jokes and mess around.

This issue is largely created by the short running time the episodes have along with season 1 only having eight episodes in total. That's definitely understandable. It did get better in season 3 where we see Ludde having a deeper conversation with Adam and Omar and they finally don't just feel like the comic relief characters, but actual people with layers.

Ludde: I’m going to quit hockey. Adam: Are you serious? Omar: What the hell are you saying? Ludde: It’s not the same anymore. I’m not passionate about it. I… Yes, it sucks, but… I’ve thought about it for a while now. Omar: We make jokes about it and all, but… Yeah. It wouldn’t be the same without you. Kingelikingen. Adam: I get that it’s a tough choice. But yeah… You’ll work things out. You and Felicia. You always do. Ludde: You guys are pretty awesome sometimes, actually.

This scene was really sweet, and I wish we could've had moments like this between the guys in season 1. Just one scene to show that they're not just the "typical hockey guys". It feels like Ludde was the only person on the team in season 1 who wasn't just a background character. Even Elias, who you would assume should be at the forefront, isn't properly developed until 1x05 where we see him defending his sister and starting a fight with Ludde. Otherwise, it very much felt like Elias was kept in the background.

There are also guys on the team called Herman, Simon, Näslund, Ekbäck, Hoffmann, Berglund (even Montell, which was a fun nod to the show's director)... But who are they, actually? Do you even remember their names? To be honest with you, I don't. Because they're just names—not actual characters.

None of the other guys on the team get any depth. They're just sort of there as extras and to give the audience a sense of comedy with their "hockey team shenanigans". This was illustrated in 1x08, where Adam and Omar make their teammate Liam do a "sexy dance" on a table because he lost his virginity. Or a more extreme example—Jönsson, who only exists to be the comic relief and the unlucky guy who just can't catch a break.

In 2x04, Jönsson is told by Jack to do extra time in the gym and gets told off when he only spends a few minutes on the exercise bike. Later, Jack also makes a joke about how he should get Jönsson a defibrillator. In 2x09 Jönsson invites Ludde, Adam, and Omar to come to his mom's place to hang out. After he's left, Adam makes a comment about how there's no way he's going to "rot" in Jönsson's apartment that doesn't even have a balcony.

Don't get me wrong, these scenes aren't bad and I don't mean they should've been scrapped. Comedy can absolutely have its place in a show like this. Let's take the scene where Ludde flashes a couple of unfortunate old ladies on his first date with Felicia as an example. It feels like something a teenage boy would do to try to make a girl he likes laugh. It's a brief scene and it's nice to see Ludde being able to goof off only moments after talking about Andreas. We know that's a touchy subject for him.

However, it feels slightly overdone sometimes with how almost everybody on the hockey team is only there for comedic purposes and to fill space. It's more refreshing when they're shown to be multi-dimensional. I wish this is something that the writers would've considered when the show is literally titled after the hockey team, yet most of the hockey players are hardly in the story.

To add to this, it felt like Sara and Tobbe completely disappeared from the story in season 2. With Sara we understand that she probably didn't want to hang out with Klara anymore after knowing she filmed the Halloween video and posted it on Instagram, so that's fair. But it would've been nice to see Tobbe stick around in season 2, and I'll get back to why I think that.

The potential of season 1

When I look back on season 1 I feel really nostalgic. No matter how many small details that irked me, I can't deny that the setting of the show is beautiful and I really appreciate the depiction of it. Instead of showing Oskarshamn as a boring small town, we're shown the beauty of it which is incorporated into the storylines.

Some examples would be Ludde and Felicia's first date at Gunnarsö and walk through Havslätt, the gorgeous view of the Oskarshamn harbor from Klara's house Villa Högklint, and Badholmen where the school band performs and we later see Elias and Amie walking by in season 3. All these places are listed on the Eagles Oskarshamn site and I feel like they did a great job tying the storylines in with the locations.

Another aspect of season 1 and its writing that I really enjoyed was Elias and Amie's budding relationship. They just have a natural chemistry together and the dialogue between them also felt authentic and sweet.

Season 1 is just a very polished teen drama overall compared to some of SVT's previous series.

Back in 2007-2010, SVT used to air a soap opera-style show focusing on a few teenagers living in Gothenburg that was called Andra Avenyn (translation: Second Avenue). I was only seven at the time but I watched this show religiously as it aired three times a week. Just mentioning the show brings a lot of nostalgia.

Andra Avenyn amassed around 500 000 viewers per episode and was, just like Eagles, nominated for a Kristallen television award. But how good was it, really? If I take off my rose-colored glasses for a second and actually consider the show's highly dramatized storylines and unlikely scenarios, it had a tendency to drag on (which usually happens with soap operas). It didn't offer a realistic view of teenage life and on IMDb it currently sits at a rating score of 5.6 stars out of 10.

Comparing this old teen series to SVT's newer one, Eagles season 1 was a huge improvement and continues to be the most popular teen series that SVT has aired so far.

This idea and all the characters have lived in Stefan H. Lindéns mind since 2008, while Andra Avenyn was still on the air. It's actually amazing how high the quality of most TV shows has risen since then. Eagles has a rating score of 7.4 out of 10 stars on IMDb and has become internationally known in a way that Andra Avenyn never was.

Eagles season 1 laid the groundwork for SVT's most successful teen series of all time, and that's a huge achievement.

Season 2: "Subverting expectations"

When Eagles came back for season 2, the script made it kind of obvious that the writers had listened to the critique of season 1 being predictable.

I did find season 2 a huge step up from season 1—the directing was so much better and when it came to the script we got a deeper look into all the characters that they hadn't really scratched the surface of in the first season. My main disappointment however was that it felt like they threw in a bunch of weird plot twists just for the sake of "subverting expectations".

The core idea of subverting expectations can be great if done correctly. You lead the audience to believe they know what's going to happen, but then you surprise them with an unexpected and clever twist.

A post in Cinematography written by Mason Leaver defines the phrase of "subverting expectations" as:

[...] a method of surprising the audience with some element of a story, be it the plot, themes, characters, etc. This goes beyond a “twist” in a film. Expectation subversion actively works within the genre of a story, and attempts to reinterpret or subvert the conventions of that genre, breaking patterns in surprising and interesting ways. However, this method of surprising the audience is not always well received- it can sometimes be the source of heavy criticism from fans of the tropes which have been subverted.

This included "unexpected" relationships such as Elias/Klara and Amie/Ludde. The former actually worked, but the latter? Not so much.

Amie's crush on Ludde—make it make sense!

Amie and Ludde were my biggest issue with season 2, and it felt so out of character of Amie to be head over heels for Ludde. They work great as friends but romantically they're a huge mismatch.

But they have music in common, I hear you say. Yes, they do. But having a shared interest doesn't mean people are automatically a good match. You have to consider their chemistry and overall compatibility.

Before actors are cast in a show or movie where their characters will be romantically involved with each other, it's common to do what's called a chemistry read. Here's a neat description from an article in Backstage written by Caroline Liem:

Chemistry is the complex emotional or psychological interaction between two people. If this were a romantic article, it would be about love. Instead, we are discussing the astonishing rapport between two actors, and how that connection is achieved in order to book [...] the role. A chemistry read is an opportunity to read with actors being considered for a role opposite yours, usually lead roles. The main purpose is to see how you instinctively connect and work with the other actor.

This obviously wasn't done for the actors playing Amie and Ludde, since there didn't seem to be any intention of having their characters be involved in a romantic relationship.

That was even confirmed by Stefan H. Lindén in his Q&A of season 2, where he said that a love triangle between Ludde/Felicia/Amie was planned but later scrapped.

I can confirm that from the beginning of development of the series and the first version of the storyline a triangle drama was at some point intended for season 1 but later removed  – however when creating the characters, Ludvigs skill in music and arts was always there from the beginning so by knowing that, we always knew that interactions would appear between them. When looking back at Season 1, in the first scene by the lockers when Amie tells Felicia who Ludvig is, she does know exactly who he is and she is well aware of that his friend Tobias is a music guy that Amie wants to get to know. Also when looking at it, when I was the same age as Ludvig and Amie I, and I am sure a lot of people can relate to it, fact is that we never really knew if it was love or friendship in the beginning.

Knowing that the triangle drama was scrapped for season 1, it makes sense why it seems so arbitrary. There was no groundwork laid down for this pairing before it was hastily thrown together in 1x06 for a cheap plot twist. This continues in season 2, where Amie and Ludde start spending more time together. Yet it's hard to see Ludde as a potential love interest for Amie in the way the writers want us to. They still come off as friends despite having hooked up at a party.

I mentioned that Tobbe should've stuck around for season 2 and here's why. Tobbe was written to be the leader of the school band that Amie later joins, and he was friends with Ludde before the video was posted. He would've been a perfect fit for the Amie/Ludde music storyline but he's completely absent. He had the potential to be the person who could've helped them with the song a little and then later picked up on whatever there was going on between them.

I think the Amie/Ludde storyline could've hugely benefitted from a scene between Amie and Tobbe, where Tobbe asks if she actually has feelings for Ludde and we get to hear exactly what Amie is feeling. Maybe she's torn, not wanting to get together with Ludde because of how much they hurt Felicia, but at the same time finds it hard to suppress her feelings. A scene like that would've allowed us to get into Amie's head and make the Amie/Ludde storyline much clearer.

To add, this storyline was in desperate need of more interest from Ludde's side. There needed to be some indication from him that would make Amie believe he liked him back, even if that wasn't the case. All we get is Ludde complimenting Amie's song and then a hug in 2x05 when Amie says the record label in Stockholm wanted a meeting. And apparently, that was enough for Amie to think Ludde was interested in her despite him blowing off the Stockholm meeting and Amie hearing Ludde say that the Halloween incident was a mistake.

Ludde and Amie don't really mesh as well as Elias/Amie do or even as well as Ludde/Felicia do. Elias and Amie had sparks flying from the very first scene they shared. That pairing is one of the main reasons why the show became popular internationally, and why is that? Because of the actors' chemistry.

Amie and Ludde are a clumsy attempt at throwing together two people who don't really work together with the intention of "subverting expectations". And I suppose that's what the writers wanted to depict—an awkward crush that doesn't really make sense, which I'm sure many people have experienced as a teenager. That part is fine. But what I didn't like about this storyline is that Amie had no good reason to believe Ludde would be interested in anything with her beyond a platonic friendship.

While season 2 was airing, I was convinced that Amie wasn't actually in love with Ludde. She was just lonely after the aftermath of the Halloween video and mistook her feelings for Ludde as love when she just appreciated his company. Here's what I wrote:

So as we know, Amie kissed Ludde in episode 6 when he was in the hospital after having been injured during the hockey game against Karlskrona. She immediately seemed to regret having done that and ran out without an explanation, leaving Ludde alone and confused. I honestly don’t think Amie has any romantic feelings towards Ludde. I think she might mistake her feelings for a crush or something, when in reality she’s just lonely and appreciates Ludde always being there for her and giving her compliments on her musical ability. Ludde was complimenting Amie at the hospital, saying she was amazing, and I think Amie was just really touched by that and maybe wanted to thank him somehow, and ended up kissing him. And then she freaked out and left because oh my god did she really just kiss Ludde. It was an uncomfortable and awkward situation and that’s probably why she ran out. However, I really believe that if she had just stayed to explain and apologize, Ludde would understand and they could’ve just laughed it off. But this is a drama show so of course that wouldn’t happen! Do I think the writers are making them into a couple? No, definitely not. They know that season 1 was sort of predictable and cliché, so they’re making season 2 as different as possible by including these unexpected pairings such as Klara & Elias and Amie & Ludde. But Amie and Ludde won’t ever be a couple, because Ludde is still very much hung up on Felicia. I don’t see them as a couple either - yes, they have music in common, but they work way better as friends than in a relationship.

In Edvins Skådisdrömmar, which is a behind-the-scenes documentary of Eagles season 2, writers Fanny Ekstrand and Michaela Hamilton discuss the writing of the show in the documentary's third episode. The third episode is mostly focused on the lead-up to the scene where Amie kisses Ludde at the hospital. Adrian Öjvindsson, who plays Ludde, says:

Filming the kissing scene was [...] awkward and weird, actually. And that's how it ended up. Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes. In this case you could take in that it was weird, because that's also what the scene wanted to depict.

When Edvin reads the script, he describes the scene as a "nightmare" scenario. I agree. And the lazy build-up to this Awkward Kiss trope doesn't make it any better, because just like the Halloween incident this doesn't make a lot of sense.

It's supposed to be awkward and weird, just like Adrian said. But he also mentioned one of the most important details: Yandeh and I haven't really had any intimate scenes.

Before this kiss scene, there was nothing that indicated any chemistry between them. No accidental hand-touching, no longing stares, no nothing. Just a friendly hug. A proper build-up to the kiss scene would've made it feel less out of place.

The love confession from Amie to Ludde in 2x10 really threw me off as well. The confession to me made no sense and honestly felt like a prank call. There was no feeling behind it and zero reason for Amie to believe that there was a chance Ludde liked her back.

At the end of 2x08, Felicia goes to Ludde's house after he's confessed the truth to the police about the Andreas situation. Amie happens to overhear the conversation and she hears Ludde very clearly say that he's not interested in Amie.

Ludde: Felicia, there’s nothing between us. Between me and Amie. It was really the biggest mistake of my life. Felicia: Goodbye, Ludde. Ludde: Felicia, please!

Amie, now having her heart broken, crosses Ludde's name off the contract while crying. She knows he doesn't feel the same. So why would Amie even bother to call Ludde up to tell him she's "in love with him"?

Amie: [...] Hey, Ludde… Ludde: Yeah? Amie: It feels really weird to hear our song now. Because I know who the lyrics are about. And… And I… I really like you. Or, well… I’m in love with you. I just need to know how you feel. Or if you feel anything. Just tell me. Ludde: I’ll always want to be your friend, Amie, but… It’s Felicia I’m in love with.

This moment is on par with the awkwardness from the hospital kiss between them in 2x06. The second-hand embarrassment with this one was really rough, and what I don't understand is why this was even added to the script when Amie had already gotten the confirmation that Ludde didn't think of her in a romantic way. This storyline could've ended in 2x08 after Amie overheard the conversation between Ludde and Felicia.

It really didn't need to drag on for the whole season, essentially making Amie's whole storyline in season 2 about a guy. Her moment of finally getting signed to the record label was ruined when it could've been regarded as a fresh start if the storyline had just ended where it should have.

What this storyline did instead was ruining my favorite friendship of season 1, which was Amie/Felicia. This mess made it so hard for them to reconcile and they didn't end up properly addressing it until 3x09, spending almost two whole seasons mad at each other. It sucks that the writers decided to drag out their fighting and disagreements for this long when they could've instead shown two girls in solidarity who don't let a guy get between them and their friendship.

Amie apologized in 3x03 for how she hurt Felicia, but Felicia made it clear in 3x06 that she still harbored ill will towards Amie for what happened at Halloween (which in the timeline of this show was more than a year ago).

Felicia (to Amie): Are you going to start slobbering with [Elias] now too? Just give me back that sweater first, I don’t want slobber on that. Thanks.

I talked about how much I disliked the Amie/Ludde storyline in this post, with my main reason being that it really messed up the character dynamics that were established in season 1.

This storyline [of Ludde and Amie hooking up]—along with Amie falling in love with Ludde—is by far my least favorite one because it messed up the whole character dynamic. I feel like Amie and Felicia won’t ever go back to the kind of friendship they had in season 1 before the Halloween incident because the trust was so broken, and Amie really should’ve tried harder to apologize to Felicia like Ludde did instead of going after her best friend’s ex in season 2.

If there's just one thing I could change about this show, I would 100% get rid of the Amie/Ludde storylines. There is nothing that annoyed me as much as those storylines did.

Amie's musical ambitions

I've talked about this a bit before in another post because this was something that really bugged me about Amie's character in season 2. Here's what I wrote:

I honestly still feel like Amie’s whole storyline with sending in a rather basic demo written by two teenagers with little to no experience and then getting praised on it [by the Stockholm music producers] with comments such as “it’s going to be a real summer hit” felt so unrealistic to me. Maybe they only said that so Amie would accept their offer or something, but that’s still very strange because she would have still said yes without a doubt. I can understand that they thought Amie was marketable as a person and there was this bonus with her having gone viral before on Felicia’s Instagram, but that demo did not seem good enough for me to be immediately released as a single and then have them decide on the spot that Amie would be given a contract. I mean, come on. It never felt earned because we never really saw Amie struggling with her songwriting journey to achieve this dream. Sending in one demo to one record label and having them immediately want to make a whole album with you just doesn’t happen in real life unless the song is extremely good or you have a very unique voice. Amie is really talented but there are hundreds of people just like her, if not thousands. I was never convinced by her getting signed so quickly in season 2. I understand that they wanted to establish her as a successful artist [at the beginning of season 3], but that felt so rushed. I was so sure that the record label would screw her over and steal the song rights to record it with another artist who was already established, and that we’d have to see Amie work even harder to achieve her dreams. But we didn’t get that at all. Where was the struggle? [...] Of course I wanted to see Amie achieve success (and I was happy when she did), but the journey there was so bizarrely easy. She didn’t start to seriously work on making her music career become a reality until season 2. Amie had dabbled in music prior to that, like when she auditioned for the school band and did that performance of Follow, but she didn’t truly start to work towards it until season 2 when she decided to have her work sent to professionals in the business. And then, just five episodes later, she gets contacted by the record label in Stockholm. To put this into context—season 2 took place somewhere around March, and episode 5 around three weeks into April. So when Ludde first started helping Amie it took less than two months for her to get signed. You could argue that the song was just that good or that Amie is just that talented, but it never felt like a realistic storyline to me.

It's tricky to write a storyline like this when you only have ten 20 minute episodes in the season and a limited amount of screentime for every character. All that is understandable. But it's strange that they didn't opt for a time jump to really sell this storyline and make it believable.

Eagles uses time jumps a lot, but somehow this particular plot point was omitted from that and kind of glossed over. I don't really understand how they expected us to buy this storyline. The viewers aren't stupid, and more effort should've been put into this storyline.

In the post where I wrote this, @gajana18 also had an interesting thing to add:

[...] it's equally unrealistic that this huge record company would be hounding Amie, a teenage onehit wonder essentially to come back to the label- don’t they have other bigger artists?

This is a very strong point. Considering how Amie kept expressing that she wanted to finish school and then proceeded to ignore their calls, it's weird that they didn't just decide to discard her contract when Amie clearly wasn't taking her singing career as seriously as they wanted her to.

So, back to season 2. Maybe they could've gone with the record label stealing the rights to Amie's first song and screwing her over. This fuels her to try again and after a time jump of a few months we see Amie having worked really hard on a new and better song. Maybe even a whole album. And this time, she's learned from her past mistakes and improved her songwriting. This time, she's successful in her endeavor and it feels so much more earned after knowing the struggles she's been through to get there.

I also feel like a storyline like that would've made people sympathize with Amie more in season 2. It was really hard to root for her when she had nearly screwed Ludde over by not giving credit to his songwriting and saying "fuck him" when he didn't return Amie's feelings.

Klara's character development

When we're introduced to Klara in season 1, she's a stereotypical mean girl with wealthy parents who is the popular girl at school and has her own followers.

In season 2, the writers decided to develop the character. We find out Klara has issues at home and her mom is barely there. When she is, her parents will start fighting. Klara is feeling really lonely and doesn't really hang out with her friend Sara as much as she used to.

I appreciated the added depth, but it seemed like a drastic shift. The changed perspective could attribute to that but when you step back and really look at s1 Klara and s2 Klara, they're like two completely different people.

Maybe Klara's reputation suffered after she posted the Halloween video? Maybe she had a change of heart after Felicia finally confronted her during Lucia? I mean, I guess.

But what most fans (including me) didn't like about Klara in season 2 was that there were no clear consequences for her after she posted the Halloween video. Klara still hangs out with what seems to be the popular crowd and she has people to go out with. In a post I wrote last year about my thoughts on season 2, I wrote this:

I actually wish that Klara would’ve become more ostracized from her school friends to emphasize how alone she is, but she seems to still be pretty popular so that was kind of disappointing. I thought the fall-out of her posting the video would be worse, but I guess not. Anyway, I like that they’re taking a disliked character and making her into a better person. Feels like it’s been done a few times before, but I still appreciate them doing it. I hated s1 Klara for being so one-dimensional, but s2 Klara is well on her way to being a pretty good and nuanced character.

Her character development sort of comes a little out of nowhere, though. Her reputation wasn't ruined by posting that video and she didn't really lose any friends besides Sara (she had already lost Amie prior to posting that video considering what Amie said to her after Lucia in 1x08).

So what prompted Klara to become this whole new person who actually considers other people's feelings in a relatively short amount of time? Here's a conversation between Felicia and Klara in 2x07.

Felicia: Was there anything in particular you wanted to talk about? I understand that we’re not best friends just because you and Elias are together. We’re not here without a reason, right? Klara: No, I get that this feels weird for you. And if you don’t trust me after everything that’s happened - or that I’ve done. Felicia: Klara… Klara: I know that I haven’t acted like the world’s best person. And I regret that. Sorry.

But why does Klara regret her past behavior? What made her realize she hadn't acted like the "world's best person" if the ramifications from posting the Halloween video were so minimal?

Was it the relationship with Elias that made Klara change? No, I don't think so. When they first start talking at the bar in 2x03, Elias tells Klara that he doesn't always agree with Felicia and that he has his own viewpoints. In 2x07, he says Klara wasn't the one who messed up, but rather Amie and Ludde. And in 2x09, the script tells us that the Elias/Klara relationship seemed to bring more change to Elias rather than Klara.

Felicia: What did you do to him? Klara: What? Felicia: He’s smiling. Elias is like a whole new person since he met you. Klara: Stop. Felicia: I mean it!

So what made Klara change? In 1x08 she's mocking Felicia's drug problems and posts a video that will for sure ruin Amie's reputation. But at the start of season 2, she's suddenly become more withdrawn and considerate of people's feelings.

I can only name one factor that actually makes sense, and that's the fighting between her parents. Klara seems to turn into this quiet child when she has to listen to her mom and dad yelling at each other. This is something that didn't really begin until season 2, when Ola's company GECED started going under. This storyline was very well done.

But the other things, like Klara's reputation and friend group which you would assume would be affected, remain as they were in season 1.

Jack's sudden character change

Jack came into season 2 as a charming and charismatic character, seemingly fooling everybody into thinking he was a good guy. He knew the Kroon family from before and both Felicia and Elias were none the wiser when it came to the eventual reveal of his true colors.

Here's what Stefan H. Lindén had to say about the Jack character in his season 2 Q&A:

Bringing Jack in was actually originally not my idea, it came from my writer colleagues after that they revised my storyline notes for Season 2, while I was still down in Oskarshamn shooting Season 1. We had always intended for a character to come in and raise the stakes but I never imagined it to be Jack. When we started to develop the character, we all started liking him so he was kept in the story. Like with any new character we never really know who they are and what [the] point of them for coming in is [...]

Personally, I feel like the point of Jack's character is pretty obvious. When he first comes to Oskarshamn he is very much the embodiment of the new love interest coming in to date the girl who has broken up with her previous lover, while the previous lover still loves her and does anything he can to get her back although she's dating someone new. Jack is the Romantic False Lead trope who later becomes an alpha-dog Jerkass.

What I found interesting about Jack compared to Klara (in season 1) is that Jack isn't just a bad guy. He's very clever with his manipulation tactics and can easily charm people with his good looks and charisma.

When Felicia accuses Jack of cheating in 2x07, he manages to spin the whole thing around and make Felicia apologize to him and say it was stupid of her to believe he would cheat on her. I talked about this in a post while the season still aired, before Jack's true colors were revealed. Here's what I wrote:

I still don’t know if Jack really is cheating on Felicia with Olivia (the girl that texted him) but I would say he is. Jack is incredibly confident and charming, which makes him able to easily lie and manipulate people. We know he’s not an entirely good person since he’s already lied to Elias about not knowing that Mats would bring him back to Eagles. I wouldn’t be surprised if he really did hook up with Olivia and ended up being a really good liar. The fact is that not only did he deny it but he then shamed Felicia for blaming him and causing a scene, ultimately shifting the focus in the argument to her and making Felicia feel bad that she even confronted him in the first place. Jack says that maybe they shouldn’t even be together, which causes Felicia to backtrack and apologize. It’s actually pretty impressive how Jack was able to spin that around to blame Felicia and make her apologize.

Jack is able to take a small detail and use it as ammunition to get what he wants. In this situation, he brings up the girl in the Stockholm club that Felicia partied with and also kissed.

Jack: You shouldn’t accuse me, either. Felicia: What? Jack: I saw on Instagram, you and some girl in Stockholm. Have I whined about that? Coming here and blaming me for things, it feels really immature. Felicia: Fuck. Sorry, Jack.

Jack wasn't bothered by that at all. It happened before Felicia and Jack were even an official couple, and all they had done was hooking up at a party while Felicia was high. Jack, having cheated on Felicia, couldn't care less about the random girl Felicia kissed. That was just something he used to manipulate her.

When we discover that Jack is actually cheating on Felicia, he immediately reverts to a one-dimensional "evil" character. He's become the 2.0 version of Klara in season 1—written in just to stir up drama.

This "master manipulator" version of him just goes down the drain and Jack turns into a manchild who starts petty fights, files a police report because Ludde pushed him, and says to Felicia "I'm gonna tell on you!". Alright, maybe those weren't his exact words, but you know what I mean. It's a sudden shift and you start wondering how Jack was able to hide this version of himself so well before.

In 3x05, Jack sees Ludde and Andreas after a hockey game and fumbles trying to find any insult he can to hurl at Ludde. Everything he says from that point on is just line after line to really solidify that Jack is the bad guy. You didn't forget that, right? Here, let's have Jack call Felicia a druggie so you know just how shitty he is. And have him call Andreas a junkie later for good measure—there, that should be enough for people to understand that Jack is the villain here.

Jack: Johansson! Ludde: What the hell are you doing here? Jack: What does it look like? Ludde: I guess it’s you I should thank for the victory. Nice work. Jack: What is Felicia doing these days, then? Does she miss me? Ludde: Hey, you’re shutting up now, do you get it?! Jack: Jesus Christ. Do you think you can save her? What do you think she even sees in you? You two play in different leagues, Ludde. Ludde: You have no idea what we’re like. Jack: Come on! You should leave her. While you can. She’ll just pull you down into the dirt with her. You’re no hero, Ludde. Isn’t she still doing drugs? Once a druggie, always a druggie, right?

Jack is a horrible person, but at least he was able to pretend to be a good guy in season 2. And that was actually really fascinating. I wish we could've seen more of Jack's manipulative side that he showed in season 2 instead of making everything coming out of his mouth be a half-assed attempt at insulting the other person. That's a pretty boring villain, in my opinion.

Jack's backstory of his father being an alcoholic and him starting to resent the whole Kroon family because they had everything growing up while he didn't is interesting. It would've also made more sense if his anger was only directed towards the Kroon family since they're the ones he grew up with. They're the ones he was after the whole time.

His anger towards them feels cheapened when Jack also starts insulting Andreas (who he's probably never met before) for no good reason. It's like Jack's human qualities are just gone and all that's left is this empty shell made to start fights. His backstory didn't really make anybody sympathize with him, either.

The improvements of season 2

What I liked about the writing in season 2 was that they explored new ideas and had some solid storylines (besides the mess that was Amie and Ludde). Elias and Klara actually worked pretty well as a couple, even if they were pretty much the 2.0 version of Felicia/Ludde as the "wealthy, popular pretty girl starts dating the star player on the sports team".

Felicia finally gets some more depth. The scene at the end of 2x02, where Felicia and Leila park their car near the harbor and just start crying, is so powerful.

2x05 is also one of my favorite episodes of the show, as well as the ending montage of the 2x10 season finale. In Gameday, we had a very touching scene between Felicia and Mats where they finally communicate. It's not the most understanding conversation but it's a start. It's an interesting contrast between their talk in 1x06 where Felicia revealed she saw Mats cheating on Leila versus the talk they're having now.

Another one of my favorite scenes is when Felicia and Ludde meet up at their bench in 2x10 after Ludde has called her up asking Felicia to come if there's any chance of them getting back together.

The dialogue is simple and to the point. There's no long-winded love confession for the sake of drama. It's a moment that the whole season has been building up for, and when we finally get there we realize that this is how love should be.

Easy and simple.

Ludde: You came back. Felicia: Yeah, I did. Ludde: Do you remember our first date here? Felicia: No. I’ve forgotten. Ludde: I was so freaking nervous. Felicia: Everything you said… Did you mean it? Because you hurt me, Ludvig. And I… I’ve really tried to hurt you back, but… It’s not possible. I can’t… Not love you. Do you think… Do you think it can be us again? Ludde: What do you think? Felicia: I don’t want anything else.

Ludde admitting how nervous he was on their first date is sweet and shows us how much they've been through. Felicia is struggling to find the words to say and she's acknowledging how hurt she was, but still can't seem to find it in her heart to hate Ludde. It's honest.

Another plotline that I think was a little underrated in season 2 is the GECED company going bankrupt and Ola, Klara's dad, is under investigation for financial crime. This isn't a storyline you would usually see in a teen series. It's much more serious. It also gave us a really touching and poignant scene in 2x08 between Ola and Klara sitting on the floor of his office, where Klara has to comfort her father who starts crying.

Ola: When you were little you used to sit like this. On the floor, while I was working. You had your own room, but you wanted to sit with me. “Help daddy work”. Mom’s doing the right thing by leaving for a while, don’t blame her for that. Klara: What, you can’t just leave because things get a little tough. Ola: Maybe you should get away for a while too. You know, I never wanted you two to… That you… Everything’s gone. Klara: It will be fine. It will be fine. Ola: Sorry. I’m sorry.

In 2x09, Klara is at a party when she notices a bunch of missed calls from her dad. She immediately senses something is wrong and rushes home to find her dad having attempted suicide. It's executed very well and I really liked the more serious tone they went for in season 2.

It set up season 3 perfectly, which continued with the darker themes but balanced them very well with the more light-hearted moments.

Season 3: Finding one's footing

Season 3 was a highly anticipated season. I thought the season 2 finale was masterfully done and it left me wanting more. When season 1 finished on its cliffhanger of the video leaking, the focus only seemed to be on that.

But with season 2 there's Felicia/Ludde getting back together and Ludde having been sued by Jack, Jack threatening that he would leak all of the Kroon's family secrets, Klara's dad passing away, Elias deciding to get on the train and go to the draft combine anyway, Amie having finally become a recording artist but being isolated and heartbroken... There's so much to unpack, and it's a lot more interesting than the ending of season 1.

Where's Jack?

Jack is supposed to be the main villain but he's gone for most of the season, failing to show up until 3x05. In the season 2 finale Jack makes a huge deal about how he's going to destroy Felicia's life. He's threatening her in a very violent and abusive way.

Jack: [...] I know a lot about you, Felicia. And your nice family. It’s enough for me to leak to one news site. I can destroy you. Do you get it? I’ll tell them everything. The drugs, the cheating, your abortion! Felicia: Shut up! Jack: Hey. Huh? Did you seriously think I wanted to be with you? The little Kroon princess, who has gotten everything for free her whole fucking life! You and Elias! Like spoiled brats! You don’t understand what it means to fight for something!

In 2x10, Jack decides to report Ludde for assault but he doesn't follow through on destroying this family that he hates. If there's anything Jack seems to despise above all, it should be the Kroon family, right? So why did he fight back with Ludde but not the Kroon family?

I expected Jack to leak all the Kroon secrets at the beginning of season 3, but Felicia seems strangely calm at the funeral which I'm assuming only takes place two weeks or so after Ola's passing in the season 2 finale.

Then, a whole year passes with no indication that Jack is ever going to leak anything. As season 3 was airing, I commented on how strange this felt in an ask I received:

One of my main questions about the time jump is the whole thing with Jack saying he was going to ruin Felicia’s and the Kroon family’s reputation in the press. It seemed like nothing really came of that? I’m pretty sure that detail hasn’t been abandoned entirely and that Jack will come back (we’ve already seen a glimpse of him in the third episode), but it feels strange that Jack threatened to leak all her secrets and then just never did. I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him. And yet there’s no mention of where Jack has been during that time or what he’s been doing. I feel like I would be pretty paranoid about this if I was Felicia, but we don’t see this haunting her until episode 3 when she sees a flash of Jack before realizing it was just some random guy. It seems strange that Felicia was relatively at ease during the funeral (which I assume took place not long after Jack first threatened her) and after the time jump. We don’t really know what’s been going on during that year, but Felicia seems to be fine and like she hasn’t had any thoughts of Jack at all. Maybe she assumed that his threats were empty and that he wouldn’t actually leak anything to the press, which is reasonable but at the same time I don’t understand why Jack has yet to do anything after a year. He was really pissed off in the season 2 finale, after all.

Going to repeat one of the things I wrote here because it deserves to be mentioned twice, and this point is one of my biggest issues.

I got the impression that Jack was a person who, when having his pride wounded, would do pretty much anything to get back at the person who insulted him.

I feel like this was kind of a plot hole that wasn't explained. Jack is ruthless and doesn't hold back at all when his true colors come out. He has no problem talking about the sexual relationship he had with Felicia in front of her father. Jack is just that horrible.

So what prevented him from ruining the Kroon family's lives earlier, when it seems to be the thing he's wanted for years?

Michael's predictable predicament

Michael first appears at the end of 3x04, where he calls Amie up to tell her he's her father.

Man: Hey! Sorry for calling so late. Is it Amie? Amie Condé? Amie: Yeah. Man: I saw you on TV the other day. I’m Michael Condé. I’m your father.

In the next episode, we get a voice-over of the continued conversation between him and Amie.

Michael: [...] I understand if it’s shocking. I’m in Oskarshamn for work for a few weeks and— Could we meet up someday?

So, it's clear what the writers are going for here. It's the estranged father who returns into the child's life when they've become successful. We're made to believe it's a Daddy Had a Good Reason for Abandoning You trope when Michael meets up with Amie and tells her why he left.

Michael: So Petra, she— Has she said anything about me? Amie: Well… That you moved from Sweden before I was born… That you’re working as a lawyer. That you didn’t want to see me. Michael: I was… I was young when we met. Your mom and I. And everything went really fast. I was in love, but she had feelings for somebody else. And when she found out that she— That she was expecting you, then… She didn’t want me there. She said I wasn’t father material. To some degree she might’ve been right, but… I wasn’t much older than you are now. I had just gotten into a law school in Berlin. When I finally came back to Sweden, then… She didn’t let me see you. I had already lost you by then, but I want you to know that I— I’ve thought of you. And about a week ago, I… I’m seeing you. On TV. There you are. With my last name. I’m so proud.

However, it's pretty easy to identify the holes in Michael's story. To be honest this whole storyline was predictable from the very start. Before Michael even came into the story, I made this post which pretty much summed up Michael's whole character when we didn't even know he existed yet (this was when 3x03 was the latest episode that had aired).

I don’t think we’ve heard any mention of Amie’s dad in the whole series except for 3x02 when Amie was being interviewed and was asked about the Condé name where she said that while Samuelsson was from her mother’s side, and Condé was from “the other side”. I found her word choice a little interesting. I don’t think Amie’s dad has passed—but rather that he’s alive and just chosen to not be a part of her life, which is why Petra seemed to be a little offended when asking Amie why she didn’t want her last name anymore. This might also be why Amie said “the other side” rather than “my dad’s side” because they have an estranged relationship. [...] I’m not really sure if they’ll do anything with Amie’s dad (maybe they’ll go for that trope where the parent who previously abandoned their child returns after the child has accomplished something big/something major happened and the parent wants something from them for personal gain?).

When we actually get to meet Michael and hear his explanation of why he left, I wrote this post pointing out some of the holes in this storyline.

Michael meeting Amie only after she’s become famous is a little suspicious, but it’s understandable if he previously thought she didn’t want to meet him and then sees her with his last name on national television. Obviously he would contact her after that. I feel like there were some question marks with Michael’s whole story though, and the fact that his work just conveniently happened to send him to Oskarshamn after he’d just seen Amie on TV. Maybe I’m missing something here, but how did he know Amie had gone back to Oskarshamn if he saw her living as a pop star in Stockholm? Was this information about Amie quitting the tour and going back to her hometown even online? If Elias (who actually witnessed Amie saying she was done and quitting) seemed taken aback when he saw Amie in Oskarshamn, then how did Michael know?

I do think Michael will return for season 4 though, so hopefully this storyline will be straightened out a little. We don't really know what Michael has been up for the past few years and if he has a family of his own. Maybe he'll contact Amie again to tell her she has some younger half-siblings?

They ended on sour terms, but if Michael does have his own family it's something Amie deserves to know and she can decide whatever she wants to do. I'd also like to see a Michael/Petra reunion, but I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

This storyline wasn't bad, and I do appreciate we got to find out what the situation with Amie's dad was. I also liked how I was able to sympathize with Michael. He's not entirely awful, even if he did put a lot of blame on Petra. It's one of those situations where you don't really know what it's like to be in Michael's position unless you've experienced it, and it's very realistic.

Plot holes

Some of the plot holes of season 3 that I've already mentioned are how Jack waited a whole year before leaking the Kroon family's secrets and how Michael conveniently knew Amie was in Oskarshamn when nobody seemed to know she was coming except her mom.

I actually don't mind that it was never explained how Michael got Amie's phone number either, because that's usually pretty easy to find with a Google search. Things like addresses, economic status, and even your criminal history are easily accessible in Sweden when googling someone's name. So finding someone's phone number is probably fairly easy as well.

On the other hand, one of the most glaring plot holes appeared in 3x08. In this episode entitled Lost, the Kroon family is frantically searching for Felicia who has gone missing. Leila and Elias knock on Petra's door to see if Amie is there and might know something about Felicia's whereabouts. Petra tells them Amie isn't there and they leave.

Someone left me an anonymous ask which I answered in this post, pointing out how it was strange that Elias didn't just call Amie to ask her when she wasn't at home. We know Elias has her number because they've been talking on the phone and texting each other several times before in the season.

In 3x08, when Elias and his mom go to Amie's house and ask Petra if Amie has seen or spoken to Felicia or whether she's home, I couldn't help but wonder, uh Elias why not just call Amie and ask her if she has seen or spoken to Felicia? [...] if Elias had called her and she heard how frightened him and his family were and police being involved she would have told him and then there would be no point in the 3x09 episode really.

This is a very strong point. You could argue that maybe Elias just didn't think of that but if they went out of their way to visit Amie's house only to not find her there, it would seem like calling her instead would just be a logical next step in the situation? Here's what I wrote in response to this ask.

This is an issue I had with 3x08 and 3x09 as well. I had a hard time actually enjoying the moment between Felicia, Klara, and Amie knowing that her family was getting increasingly worried for her and even thought for a short moment that Felicia was lying dead at the bottom of the ocean. All that could’ve been avoided. To add, it didn’t make a lot of sense to me that when Klara finally decided to call someone she called Amie instead of Elias. An ex-friend of Felicia’s instead of her brother who could’ve helped a lot more. What was Amie supposed to do when she showed up at the hotel, exactly? I know there was the thing with Klara only knowing Amie’s number off the top of her head, but there is no reason why she couldn’t have gone down to the reception while Felicia was sleeping and asked to use a computer just to get a quick message to Elias. Like, “hey, Felicia attempted something bad but she’s safe with me, we’re at this hotel in this room but she didn’t want me to call anybody, I don’t know what to do”. That would’ve been so much better than keeping quiet about the situation for nearly 24 hours. I know that Klara probably has trauma from leaving her dad at the hospital after his suicide attempt and that she probably didn’t want to go against Felicia’s wishes. I understand the first part 100%. But Felicia was in a very bad place emotionally and was thinking that her whole family hated her when that wasn’t the case. I feel like in a situation like that you kind of have to be the bad guy just to ensure the family that Felicia was safe. Even if everything turned out alright in the end, it could’ve gone so much worse if Felicia had wanted to be kept hidden for longer. [...] Elias calling Amie would’ve been an easy solution to this whole debacle but we would’ve lost the drama. It’s still somewhat of a plot hole though, like you said.

I understand it was done this way for dramatic effect, but that doesn't really patch up the plot hole.

I also found it strange how many people turned on Felicia after Jack ruined her reputation in the press. I talked about this in an ask I received.

I don’t understand why the public turned on Felicia so harshly. And Leila too, for that matter. The way Jack told the story about how these two women had things done to them should indicate that they’re not the ones to be blamed. If I read this article and found out an 18-year-old girl got pregnant by a “violent criminal” who forced her to abort and then abused her I would not be angry with the girl. I would be angry that she was physically abused and also outed on her sexuality for being bi. If I read this article and found out Leila had been cheated on by her husband repeatedly with her best friends, I wouldn’t be angry at her. I would not agree with the decision to turn to alcohol (same as Felicia turning to drugs), but I wouldn’t blame them. And I feel like a lot of people should’ve been on Leila’s side after finding out the reason why they divorced. I don’t understand why people are saying they’re disappointed in Felicia and calling her fake when she’s been through so much trauma in her life. I feel like if this actually happened in real life, all the blame would be shifted to the men because they’re the ones who—in this story—are painted as the bad guys (with the exception of Jack, considering he was anonymous).

I got another anonymous ask sent in after this, pointing out how the anger directed towards Felicia was considerably more about her drug use rather than the abuse she endured. Here was my response to that:

[...] the drug use should’ve been understandable considering the stuff Felicia had been through was also written in that article. I don’t know. I can understand people unfollowing her if they didn’t want their young children to be exposed to all the controversy, but it’s still strange that everything Felicia received was hate messages. Did everybody just skip over the part where the anonymous source stated that Felicia was violently forced to have an abortion by an ex-criminal and probably did so out of fear for her life? Yes, we know this is fake, but why didn’t anybody seem to mention this? [...] they seem to have written this storyline with the idea in mind that the public was against the whole Kroon family. Felicia got comments such as “So fucking disappointed in you and your family”, “What a nasty fucking family”, “You and your family are so fucking disgusting”. So I think Leila received plenty of hate for drinking instead of divorcing her husband sooner and basically turning a blind eye to all the problems her family went through. That’s what Jack told the press, at least. The anger seemed to be directed towards every member of the Kroon family and that didn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Again, this is something the writers did to dramatize the situation and they kind of forgot to consider that what Jack actually told the journalist wasn't as incriminating for Felicia and Leila as it were for Mats and Elias.

The magic of season 3

What season 3 really excelled in, to me, was delving into some more serious topics as well as showing the gradual development of Amie and Elias' relationship. Amie and Elias are the prime example of how a slow burn is so much better than having a couple get together too fast, like Felicia and Ludde did back in season 1.

While season 3 was still airing, I wrote a post dedicated to questions I had received about Elias and Amie. Here's one of the things I said about them:

I think Elias’ interest in her really started to grow after he saw how caring Amie was to Felicia, and later on connecting with her on how they both ended up back in Oskarshamn after following their dreams which didn’t exactly turn out the way they expected. Yes, Elias has always sort of been watching and admiring Amie from afar, but that interest didn’t start growing until he actually got to know her. The experiences they had in the US and Stockholm, respectively, probably changed their mindsets and in my opinion it makes so much more sense for them to get together now than it would’ve in season 1 or season 2.

I still believe that Elias and Amie are the best-written couple of the whole show (at least so far), because they just make sense. We'll see what season 4 has in store for them because we have yet to actually see them in a romantic relationship, but I feel like their personalities and characters just fit together really well.

Another thing I really appreciated was the depiction of Felicia and Ludde's declining relationship. Things like that happen so easily, and I liked how we see Felicia do this huge gesture of planning a picnic for Ludde in 3x04 but there were still underlying problems between them. It's like that in real life too—no matter how big of a romantic gesture you make, communication will always be the number one priority in any relationship and that's where Felicia and Ludde fall short.

The obvious disconnect between them when it comes to money is also important. It's been like this from the beginning, but season 3 gave us an actual conversation about it.

Felicia: Please, I can’t talk about this. Seriously. It was stupid of me to bring this up from the beginning. Fuck, I get such anxiety talking about the future— Ludde: You get anxiety? I’m the one walking around with no money in my account. Mom and dad had to get a loan to pay off mine and Andreas’ fines. I’m playing on a shitty old synth, and living off you like some leech. That’s anxiety. Felicia: Everything isn’t about money. Ludde: Says the one who has money. Felicia: Move out then, if it’s so fucking hard to feel like a leech.

This felt very realistic. Of course a person like Felicia wouldn't think money is everything when she's never experienced financial issues. She's able to move out into her own one-bedroom apartment as soon as she's turned 18, it seems, and doesn't worry at all about the cost of furnishing and decorating it. She didn't even pay for it herself, because Mats mentions he's the one on the mortgage loan. It seems like Felicia has never had an actual job either, and that's starting to worry her because she has no idea what she should be doing.

Felicia: [...] I don’t know what I’ll be or what I’ll do in the future. I don’t know that. Ludde: You’re still an influencer— Felicia: Don’t say I’m an influencer, please. Do you think I want to be that my whole life? It’s not even a career. I'm— I’m graduating next year, and I… My grades suck, and— I have no plan. I only have you. Not like that—I have you. That’s what I have. I want to be here, in Oskarshamn. I don’t want to go to the US and chase some dream and be a hockey wife. That’s not a life. Sometimes I wish neither of us had a plan, just us together here.

Felicia's character finally offers something interesting here, which I've waited for since season 1. She's not just a party girl anymore who has issues with drugs. She's a privileged teenager who is co-dependent on the guys she meets and who has anxiety about the future, to the point where she wishes she could stay in Oskarshamn in her little apartment forever stuck in limbo.

She has to face a harsh reality when Ludde decides to break up with her, and later on when her name is slandered in the press and people all over the country are sending her hate messages. Her own family is furious with her and Felicia has nobody. She's pushed away a lot of people and her mental state is just crumbling in front of our eyes.

It's a strong storyline and actually very well executed. Almost everything gets taken away from her, and at the end of 3x07 you can almost feel what Felicia is feeling. We've been with her through this whole journey, almost, and we understand why she feels like suicide is the only answer.

It's tough to watch that final scene of 3x07. It's greatly amplified by Alva Bratt's superb acting, but the writing of the journey there is also amazing. It's very difficult to write a sensitive storyline like this.

Overall, I don't have a lot of critique towards season 3. I loved most of the episodes. I elaborated on this further in a separate post:

[Episodes 3x04 and 3x05] showcased what Eagles should be all about so well, which is relationships plus the struggles you go through as a teenager in a small town, and then of course hockey. The hockey game episodes are really good, even if I don’t think 3x05 topped 2x05 (the game where Ludde got tackled and knocked out). I loved the contrast in Date night of the budding relationship between Elias and Amie and then that fight between Felicia and Ludde on the cliff. [...] It was interesting to see how this sweet gesture from Felicia turned into a fight between the two of them. I thought that was very realistic, because no matter how big of a gesture Felicia made to apologize there were still underlying problems that they needed to talk about. I also loved the “non-date” between Elias and Amie in this episode. It was cute to see them goofing off before the movie started and then talking about it on the way home. I liked how Elias could connect to her on how they had both returned to Oskarshamn. The recent episodes that dropped last week (3x08 and 3x09) were very strong and discussed some important subject matters [...] They were dark, but not necessarily bad because they needed to happen. However, I have to say that I prefer Eagles when it’s about hockey and teenage relationships. 3x04 and 3x05 made me kind of nostalgic for season 1 and I liked the vibe they both had.

Eagles season 3 is in my opinion the best season of the show so far, and we haven't seen any signs suggesting that there is any reason for season 4 to not be even better.

Season 4: Hopes and wishes

Considering how each season has been increasing in quality bit by bit, I have pretty high hopes for the writing in season 4. I'm excited to see how the transition from teenager to young adult will be portrayed in the main characters, and what their future will hold for them after they've graduated.

My main questions are if Felicia and Ludde will find their way back to each other or if they'll remain broken up (that would be realistic as well), if Klara will reconcile with her mom, what's in store for Elias's hockey career, and if Amie will leave her label and maybe opt for something more independent.

I also want to see how Felicia deals with the new home she's checked in to, and if Ludde will in fact go to the school now that it seems Andreas will be getting into trouble again.

Amie and Klara are kind of wild cards here, because it somewhat feels like they've already reached their happy endings. Amie is famous and successful in her pop music career, and Klara has found her place as a businesswoman following in her father's footsteps. Maybe these developments should've come in season 4 instead of rushing them.

Nonetheless, I have faith in the writers. The writing suffered a little in seasons 1 and 2 but it has gotten better. Most of the things I pointed out about season 3 were just small details in an otherwise stellar season.

In conclusion...

This post was critical, but I tend to be critical of every show I watch. Eagles is still a very special show for me and having grown up in a Swedish small town myself I'm very fond of the show and its characters.

So huge thanks to the creator, Stefan H. Lindén, for making this show a reality and also to the director Carl-Petter Montell for contributing to the writing in season 3. And of course the writers of the show which include Michaela Hamilton, Fanny Ekstrand, and Anton Nyberg (plus Amanda Adolfsson who helped write 1x02 and 1x05 and Simon Ekbäck Nordström who is credited for helping with the hockey scenes in 3x05).

I hope you guys enjoyed this long, long post and major kudos to you if you read this far!

[dumblydork]

Summer

Hello! I am SO sorry for having gone MIA all of a sudden on Tumblr and Ao3, but life caught up once exams ended and I was in a deep, dark place for sometime. But not to worry, because I'm definitely better now, and finally got over my writer's block/unmotivation (if that's a word) and what better way to start off writing again if not with a Hinny fic?

As usual, I hope you enjoy this sort of non-magic alternate universe, maybe a modern meet-cute of sorts? From the one and only Ginny Weasley's perspective, of course.

Again, you can find my Ao3 right here where I post quite fluffy Wolfstar one shots!

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The summer was harsh in Cornwall, which was where Ginny's family home was situated. She went up to university in London, just having recently finished her second year in Drama. Last summer, she was on a long trip with her best friend Luna, and hadn't been able to make it down to be with her family. But this year, she fully intended to spend as much time as possible with them, even if her older twin brothers were being annoying arses.

"Fred, George, just wipe the bloody tables already!" She screamed, exasperated, even though the twins were not even 20 feet away. The only unique cafe-by-day/restaurant-by-night was owned by Ginny's family. It was a quaint place, serving the best coffee to tourists and locals alike, along with not such a sharply contrasted cosy restaurant theme the place adopted when the sun went down.

And currently, the cafe was a few hours away from opening as a restaurant, and was left in the care of Ginny and her older twin brothers. She had another older brother after the twins, but he was off with his university friends (being an year older) and had even MORE older brothers ranked above the twins. Her oldest brother Bill, worked as a vet in New York, also where the second brother Charlie worked as an art curator. The third brother Percy was currently obtaining his PhD in some sort of Math which Ginny was too 'humanities' to understand (in Percy's own words, that subject bigot). The brothers after Percy, twins Fred and George were as stated, being annoying prats but worked in some sort of prank shop, much to their mother and Percy's chagrin (Between us and her, Ginny never understood why Percy felt a need to voice this opinion, because if Ginny also opened her mouth to provide an opinion on every single thing under the sun, working in a prank shop was perfectly acceptable).

Finally the last brother Ron went to university in Devon, having recently finished his degree in Astronomy combined with Philosophy, and that was it. Growing up with 6 older brothers, Ginny was significantly hot tempered, a trait often made fun of because of her (and her whole family's) flaming red hair.

"Oh for God's sake the two of you, just shut up if you don't want to do any work!" She finally snapped, causing two identical pairs of brownish eyes to look at her.

"Okay!" They smirked, before actually rushing away to the back of the cafe. Ginny sighed, wondering for the tenth time that afternoon why she bothered to come down here in summer. The twins, despite being her favourite, were useless gits-

"Ginny! Where are Fred and George?" Her mother's voice flew out from the front of the store, removing Ginny from her trail of thoughts, where Molly stood with hands laden with grocery bags. Her father, Arthur, she saw outside from the huge floor to ceiling windows, was unloading the boot of their car of more paper bags.

"They ran away after being absolutely useless gits." She muttered angrily, almost aggressively wiping a glass and placing it on the shelves behind her.

Her mother let out a long suffering sigh, but nevertheless joined Ginny in tidying up the cafe. "They're quite irresponsible." Molly sighed, wiping down tables at a superhuman speed.

"Mum if it's okay, can I join Ron and his friends at the party happening down at the beach?" Ginny asked apprehensively. The question had been burning at the back of her mind since the morning when Ron actually invited her to the beach party being thrown by one of the local boys. He had brought his uni friends and girlfriend down from Devon, and Ginny had already met Hermione, Ron's soulmate, if their behaviour was anything to go by.

Being in an all girls school, Ginny practically grew up with her girlfriends gushing about boys and celebrities, often almost swooning like some Victorian women when boys from the neighbouring school passed by their grounds.

However, Ginny was smart- if having six brothers had taught her anything, it was that boys were annoying, and only a few handful of them were actually decent. But now, looking at how close Ron and Hermione were, Ginny was starting to long for her own sort of romance. It had been over a year since she broke up with her first and only boyfriend Dean. She was convinced the breakup had solidified her stance on relationships, which was that relationships were okay but there was no need to actively look for one. Ron and Hermione's lovey dovey-ness was revolting, but uncharacteristically had Ginny pining away for her love story as well. Not that she'd ever admit it, of course.

"Well there's nothing really to do, and if it's busy there's a lot of pairs of hands to help. So sure, go on." Molly finally said and Ginny could almost fist pump, if it wasn't for the wet rag she was holding.

The evening rolled around quicker than Ginny anticipated, and before she knew it, her and Hermione stood in Ginny's small attic bedroom, getting ready for the party. "So, tell me, how was Dean?" Hermione asked, looking behind at Ginny through the mirror, where the younger girl stood blinking away extra mascara.

"Oh well, he was alright. Nothing like fireworks or sparkle." Ginny flushed slightly as she processed her own words. Oh, how she sounded like a lovestruck 12 year old.

However, Hermione didn't seem to mind. She simply grinned. "I'm sure with the right person it's more than just sparkles and fireworks." Hermione winked, and Ginny wondered if there was more to the statement than she understood. However, Hermione was already done with the topic, now going on about her course and what plans Ginny had for after university.

They walked downstairs, finding Ron standing at the door, his eyes glued to Hermione as she walked down the stairs. To be fair, Hermione definitely looked stunning- even if it was for a casual beach party. Ginny noted slightly bitterly to herself how the simplest pair of jeans and top could make one gorgeous to the right eyes. She breathed deeply as Ron wrapped an arm around his girlfriend, the girlfriend in question smirking back at Ginny as she followed them. Okay, very confusing.

The walk to the beach from the cafe was short, and there was already a bonfire going in the distance, with some upbeat song playing from someone's phone. "So, where is Harry and everyone else?" Hermione asked, looking around. Ron still had a hand in Hermione's as the two of them looked around for who had to be Ron's friends. "Neville!" Ron suddenly yelled good naturedly, as a tall guy walked towards the three of them with a big grin on his face.

"Ron! Hermione!" Neville hugged each of them in turn, smiling broadly at Ginny.

"Neville, this is my younger sister Ginny. Ginny, that's one of our friends from uni, Neville." Ron introduced. Ginny waved, which was returned by Neville.

"Is your girlfriend here as well?" Hermione asked, to which Ron added, "Oh, do we finally get to meet the elusive To-Be-Mrs. Longbottom?"

Perhaps having noticed Ginny's confusion, Neville clarified. "These two here haven't had the chance to meet my girlfriend- well, fiance as of a week, yet. In answer to your question Ron, no, she unfortunately couldn't make it. But she's been inviting the two of you over for dinner since ages." He turned to Ron.

"Actually yeah, we should definitely go. Anybody seen Harry?" Ron asked, looking around the small crowd of people. Ginny moved away from the couple to sit next to the fire, and grab a cold beer in the process.

She had just made herself comfortable slightly away from the warm fire when a figure sat down next to her, causing shivers to go up her left side. "Hi, you must be Ginny." The figure spoke and Ginny looked to the source of the voice, to be met by the unruliest mop of black hair she had ever seen on a human, and twinkling green eyes. In the soft light from the fire, they glowed slightly amber.

"I am. But I don't think I've met you?"

Ginny didn't get an answer because Ron's voice interrupted them. "Harry, you came!" He shouted, the figure (Harry) getting up to tackle Ron in a hug.

"Of course I did, getting sloshed at your best mate's beach party is always infinitely better than home." Harry grinned, and Ginny started to feel her heart race.

"I see you've met Ginny." Ron said, sitting down in between her and Harry.

"I just did, yeah." Harry smiled mischievously. They had moved closer to the fire, and in the brighter light, Harry's face was more distinct. And boy was he fit. The hair, even though messy, was not unattractive (quite the opposite), and his face was slightly round, made rounder by the permanent grin which seemed to reside there. And his eyes were covered by round glasses, reflecting off the orange from the fire.

"Well anyway, Gin, this is Harry, my best mate from university. He just made it down here to Cornwall." Ron said, and suddenly got up to fetch more drinks, but Ginny didn't miss the glares Hermione was shooting Ron from across the fire.

"Do you reckon we go a bit further away?" Ginny, being so busy interpreting the look Hermione was giving Ron, hadn't noticed the boy had shifted closer to her.

"Uh, sure." She found herself slightly tongue tied, staring into green amber.

"Brilliant, Let's go?" Harry got up, and lent Ginny a hand. She took it, and a slight warmth, probably not from the fire, ran down her spine when their hands remained connected.

They walked away from the party, not too far that a search team would be required, but just far enough to hold a conversation in peace. The music slightly played in the background, a slower guitar theme, and Ginny turned around to see Ron and Hermione swaying around the fire, the brightest smile settled on both their faces. Ginny simply let out a happy sigh, attention darting down to entwined hands.

"So, Ron tells me you're in drama?" He asked, as they sat down near the water with their legs bent, just that the waves touched their toes and washed back.

"Yes, I am, final year now. Although I haven't heard a lot about you?" Ginny teased. Harry simply chuckled, a sound she realised she found much more attractive than she should have.

"Well it's a shame since I am his best mate but, Harry Potter, third year medic, at your service." He lightly bowed his head, eliciting a giggle out of the girl.

"Medicine huh, that definitely sounds hectic." She commented, as her fingers drew an absent minded pattern in the sand separating their sitting figures.

"I also captain the football team." He replied, eyes shining with humor. Ginny looked up, wondering if it was a coincidence that the man she found extremely fit also checked off all her criterion of 'boyfriend'.

"Oh- well I don't know how you found the time to be here, what with studying and football." Ginny smiled. Harry looked back at her, eyes boring into her brown ones. "Only because I was told someone stunning was going to be here." He said in a lower voice. Ginny flushed under the stare.

"I'm sure having those feelings for your best mate's girlfriend is not a good idea." She teased, feeling some confidence seeping into her. Harry scooted closer, placing a hand on Ginny's.

"And what if I said they weren't for the girlfriend, but for the sister?" His eyes darted down to her lips, her own pulse quickening. Then continuing with her sudden confidence, she unconsciously leaned in, her lips just millimeters away from Harry's. "The sister would definitely like that because she thinks you're extremely fit too." Ginny whispered, her lips just brushing against Harry's before he closed the distance completely.

The two of them sat there, away from the party, lips moving in slow sync as if they were doing the communicating. Getting to know each other in silent movements, a dance of attraction and dominance. Thee music faded in the background, as behind her closed eyes Ginny saw stars, and faintly made out the sound of fireworks exploding behind them. Not that she'd admit it to anyone, of course.

But in that moment, it was just her, Harry and the cool water playing with their feet. And when they finally pulled apart, Ginny secretly swore that she saw her reflection in green pools glow and sparkle.

Not that she'd ever admit it, obviously.

----

TAGLIST: @amy-herondale-chase // @purplepygmypuffskein // @ginnypxtter // @alwaysmagica1 // @norakelly // @her-blazing-look //

----

Okay, I hope you guys enjoyed that! I wrote that when I was half asleep, so I'm not even sure if most of it makes sense haha.

As usual, if you want to join the taglist and be notified whenever I write a new Hinny story (which will be much more frequently now), please interact with the pinned TAGLIST post on my account!

Thank you for reading, and please interact with the post! Reblogs are always appreciated but likes and comments are just as amazing! Loads of virtual hugs xxx

[ask-fresh-ink-anything]

*Pink then clears her throat.

*Current BGM: Once Upon a Time, Undertale.

Long ago, there lived a world.

This world was a strange world.

It held humans, monsters, children, mountain kings, and magic.

Undertale.

And from that world, many more came into existence.

Glitchtale was one of them.

A creator and protector, Ink, watched over the chaos within that world, and sought to make another.

Another version of that world, with a good ending.

And thus, HopeTale came into existence.

A good ending was achieved.

But…

Distaster was going to strike.

The timeline was unstable.

And soon, it collapsed.

The reality of the timeline shattered.

And though the people of that timeline tried to escape, it wasn't enough.

And everyone in that timeline perished.

Except for the main heroine.

Her body died, but her SOUL did not.

It, and only it, escaped.

It refused to die.

And through its immense DETERMINATION, and even a trait unique to the timeline, HOPE, it transformed.

PATIENCE turned to HOPE.

JUSTICE turned to DETERMINATION.

And thus, my SOUL was born.

I had no memory of how I came to exist.

I was born as a normal human girl.

Well, save for the fact that I was overly empathetic.

Any time that I watched any TV show, movie, animation, or played any game, I always understood the story and characters so well.

Like I knew them myself.

And with this understanding, as well as my other traits, I was chosen.

Chosen to become a Guardian.

The Guardian Order.

It was an organization, of sorts, that worked tirelessly to protect the collective Omniverse.

People were regularly chosen to begin training, bestowing magic upon them if needed, by the Makers.

The Makers were in charge, in a sense.

They had created the Guardian Order, and a good portion of the Omniverse.

If they did not wish to be a Guardian, they would safely be returned to their world.

Once training would be complete, they would be assigned a group of Multiverses, to protect with their life.

And I was chosen.

At the chance of helping others, protecting people from harm, and because magic super powers are cool, I accepted.

I didn't need to be given any extra magic, I just needed to learn the spells, and learn how to fight.

And I did.

I made a few friends, too.

And soon, I was assigned a group of Multiverses.

And, much to my surprise and delight, they were all video games.

Well, from my perspective, as they were video games to my world.

That meant Undertale.

Five Nights at Freddy's.

Bendy and the Ink Machine.

Doki Doki: Literature Club.

And many many more.

I chose to visit Undertale first.

Not exactly knowing what I was doing, I opened a portal to any AU in it, and ended up in Outertale.

I marvelled at the beautiful stars in the sky for a long time, when I heard someone walking behind me.

I quickly jumped up, spinning around with my staff in hand.

And who I saw was Ink.

Long story short, due to our similar roles, we quickly became best friends.

Soon after, Ink invited me to his home, the DoodleSphere.

We talked and drew, speaking of the AUs and everything.

But then, he went silent.

Ink stopped moving.

He was frozen.

I asked him what was wrong, and when he looked at me, I was horrified.

His eye shapes were gone, and in their place, white eye lights.

His stare was blank and empty and void.

I asked him what was wrong, and he told me.

He was SOULLESS.

He used his vials to pretend that he had a SOUL.

He used his vials to feel.

And, before I knew it, I felt a resolve gathering within me.

A burning passion and a blinding light.

Then, using my magic, I did something that no one else could do.

I created a SOUL SHELL.

It was for a human, as mine was the only reference I had.

Yet it worked.

I took his vials and poured every last drop into them, so he'd have a full range of emotions at all times.

And when I gave him the SOUL…

A blinding light shone from him.

His eye sockets were white, completely and utterly white.

Magic was pulsing from him all around.

And when he landed back on his feet, his eye sockets normal and closed, he looked at me and opened his eyes.

His eye shapes were far more colorful and vibrant than ever before.

Tears came to his eye sockets, before he suddenly rushed at me, and picked me up in a massive hug, crying out in jubilation.

Ink: The SOUL she gave me caused me to feel all emotions...stronger. Stronger than I'd ever felt before. I could truly care about people and truly feel everything to the fullest extent.

It was the proudest moment I'd had.

But…

After getting to know everyone, and after a few years of protecting my chain…

A dark figure, shrouded in darkness appeared.

Everyone in my assigned Multiverses disappeared.

I was hysterical, thinking I'd failed.

The Makers were sympathetic, and so were everyone else, until the dark figure approached me.

He told me what he had done.

He had taken everyone from my Multiverse, putting them in a pocket dimension.

And to get them back, I would have to fight him.

This would be my only chance at getting them back.

I accepted.

If he lost, he would die and everything would go back to normal.

If I lost, I would die and everyone would remain there.

…

Everyone was forced to watch.

Everyone was forced to watch as I was struck down.

Ink rushed out and caught me as I fell, and held me as I died.

My SOUL appeared, and faded away rather than shattering into nothing.

And everything went black for me.

Ink: And for us…

Ink: I was sobbing. I heard voices all around me.

Ink: Then, it all went white.

The pocket dimension collapsed in itself.

And it took most of the Omniverse with it.

I was reborn, in a world where I had no power.

Eventually, I regained my memories, and I separated myself from the heroine I was created from, so that we could exist at the same time.

I found a way to enter this world, and now I've reunited with my friends.

And a lot of adventures have ensued!

I still help protect different Multiverses, even if I'm not obligated to, like I was as a Guardian.

I genuinely want to help others in that case.

So yeah, that's the origin of our world, and all that.

(That's a lot--)

Oh wow.

[cytarabi]

Hey! I've become a huge fan of your fics on ao3. I wanted to know how do you push out so many beautiful chapters so quickly? What's your writing process like? I'm working on a big JB fic, which I'm trying to finish timely, but high quality. Always like to see how other writers do their thang! Thank you!

Hi! I remember your name!! <3 Thank YOU for the question and praise, that’s so sweet!!

I love seeing how other writers do their thang, too! And I’ve found it can be very, very different for each author.

TLDR I write a lot of my fic ahead of time. I outline the entire fic, chapter by chapter before I start writing. I use several tools to speed the process and/or to make it more artsy fartsy.

I’ve found that I’m a “plotter” and not a “pantser” (two main ways of writing, unless you hate being labeled lol.)

Plotter means that I prefer plotting out most of the story before I write the details. Here’s been my process for my multichapter fics:

1) I come up with an idea and let it brew! I think about key scenes or dialogue I love and I jot them down in my phone on Google notes. Write down your ideas, you’ll probably forget them.

2) During this brewing time, (for As Black As Thunder and my next fic) I take the time to read, read, read. I read works and jot more notes! I have an entire Google doc for Rebecca by Daphne de Maurier where I wrote down her tone usage, figurative language and summary of each chapter. I can’t tell you how much this has helped get me in the write TONE for the work. Tone is SO important. Readers reading a thriller will expect thriller beats! Deep Fried Drinks was a rom com, so the verbs, adjectives etc are very different from creepy Gothic. When I started As Black As Thunder (ABAT), wow, it was hard to nail the tone at first. But by the second half of the fic, I’m fully immersed in it and it’s much easier to create the tone naturally. Without using inspiration, I don’t think it would have turned out as well. For ABAT, I think I took two weeks of no writing, when I’m used to writing every day. It was hard not to write, but wow, was I ready when I started!

3) When I’m ready to outline, I do! I open a google doc for the fic and start throwing everything I can think of in there. My ABAT doc was only like three lines for 6 months... lol! I’ve only just started looking into story structure, so my older fics are all wonky. BUT for ABAT and Deep Fried Drinks, I tried to follow story structure for plots. First act, second act, third act, character arcs, etc. My longest fic, Time Stops, dropped a bunch of readers in the middle and I think it’s because my middle SAGGED majorly. I didn’t try to follow a structure, just sort of plotted it out how I wanted to, and it was probably very repetitive and boring. For ABAT, I plotted a mid point turn to spice things up, chose things to make the character more proactive, etc. I highly recommend Ellen Brock on Youtube for any plotting advice. She’s an editor, and I’ve learned so much!

4) Organize plot into chapters, write key notes for chapters and fill out background info. The first two are self explanatory, but the third is my favorite! One thing that speeds my writing (I have no idea if people do this or not) but I have lists. So many lists! For ABAT, I have lists of common outfits for characters (I usually hate writing about outfits but I’m glad I wrote more for this work). I also write the character arc for each main character. For ABAT, I have the following for Brienne:

Brienne 

Symbols: white crocus flower (purity, youthfulness, sensitive to rain), White begonia, Small birch saplings struggling for light

Goal: serve public, be idealistic, honorable

Lie: (hidden for spoilers)

Truth: (hidden for spoilers)

Flaw: stubborn, idealistic, watched her father get fame and respect for his engineering, wants to do the same thing and do it perfectly, doesn’t understand systemic racism 

Motivation: serve people, be accepted by the public, belonging, abandonment

Stakes: public rejection, Tarth name on the line, mockery, insanity, failure

So when I think about a curve ball for Brienne at any point of the story, this character section helps me stay true to character. I have a section for Brienne, Jaime, Cersei and Missandei. Cersei has a larger section because she’s a villain... ;)

In addition to this section, I also write down their personalities and strengths. You know, like if they went to an interview lol. For example, I have Missandei have the following strengths: 

Missandei

Adaptability: able to adapt

Intellection: introspective and appreciate intellectual discussions

Consistency: all people should be treated the same

Futuristic: fascinated by future

Learner: loves to learn

I ALSO have an emotion worksheet and this is SO USEFUL. They say in writing: show that the character is angry, not tell the reader. WELL, IDK about you but I can’t keep track of all the little quirks characters do and yet, I want them to be consistent. If while writing a scene, I sometimes think, “Hmm what is Jaime doing if he’s in awe right now?” I search for “awe” at the top of my fic, and bam, I have options, more or less. For a lot of emotions, I brainstormed ideas based on character traits, arcs, Gothic tone etc. I fill all of this out before I write the first chapter. 

Here’s an example of some emotions I have for ABAT:

Emotion List (remember to have introspection, unique perspective) 

Awe:

B: wrinkle deepened between brows, parted lips, fixed gaze, stands still

J: arched brow, open mouth, stare, goes closer

C: lowering chin or raising chin, goes closer

M: adaptable, quick to react

Deceptive:

B: looking away, walking away

J: scratching ear

C: smiling, neatly placed hands

M: long blink

Thoughtfulness:

B: staring off, quiet, daydreaming

J: staring at object important to him, twisting pencil or object in his hand, squeezing his hand

C: squeezing hand, staring at object she wants to get rid of or improve

M: daydreaming, staring off at her own outfit—it’s foreign

5) Now the fun part: writing! I used to write with scene structure outline, but I think I’ve grown off the training wheels. But it really helped me in Deep Fried Drinks to plot out the chapter scenes ahead of time, and I used Ellen Brock’s proactive and reactive videos to help me out with that. I throw on some music to get me in the mood of the story and I write during my kid’s nap, about two hours every day. Sometimes I’ll write at night, but lately I’ve been too tired to do that. My tip for this part is to try and figure out what you want to improve. What are you good at, and what could you improve as a writer? My first fics had like zero figurative language. Awkward. This takes a level of awareness that’s hard to reach but watching or researching creative writing technique really helps me. For example, I used to NEED to write all five senses out for each chapter ahead of time. Now it comes naturally to me! I would say now my main issue is phrasing? Pacing? And I need to tone down the melodrama for my next work....... lol! I write, write, write--and usually, I write 60-90% of the fic before I start editing!

6) Editing. Fun fun fun. I don’t mind editing, I just don’t think I’m that GOOD at it. I try to read through my chapter twice and edit as I go. I look for things I want to take out or add, look for show vs tell, formatting, etc--do things make sense? Did I miss anything? In ABAT, I’ll write something in chap 20 that I need to start in chap 18, so I’ll go back and make a quick note to “add part about document somewhere in this chapter” so I don’t confuse readers. When I edit chap 18, I’ll add that line or paragraph in. It’s all an intricate web! I also have a list of vague words I try to eliminate or replace with stronger words (I have more words if you want them). I found that I have certain words or phrases that echo a lot, like “while”, “turned around”, “turned” or “did not”--now I search for these phrases/words and try to change them:

Get rid of vague words, fix by explaining more:

Some 

While

Thing

Stuff

Very

Really

Big/small

Good/bad

Simple verbs: had, was, went

Got/get

Few

Several

What

Do/Did

It

Like with all writing “rules”, they can be broken, but it helps to know why they are rules. I steered away from adverbs, and I think it improves my writing. Other writers have different prose and adverbs work so well--it all depends on your style! If I find these vague words in dialogue, for example, I almost never change them because dialogue is usually freaking vague lol!

7) Beta reader(s)! I honestly think this work is better than my other stuff because I have a newer beta reader, theunpaidcritic!!! *I bow* She’s literally an expert so it’s SO helpful for me in every way--I can’t fangirl about her enough. If you’re struggling to get a beta reader, I recommend joining a JB discord (transformative werk is my favorite discord, and there is a beta read request thread) or post a request on reddit!

8) Post! Once you’ve edited and gone over beta reader notes, it’s time to post! Congrats!!!!!!!!!!

For time reference, I started this process around mid-May for ABAT, and I will be done by early September. Maybe I’m just a fast writer? Compared to angel-deux, ha, I look slow. Everyone is different! Please let me know if you have any other questions, I am ALL about helping out! :) <3 <3 <3

[ymiwritesstuff]

I've been wanting to request this for a while now so here it is! child bertl x child reader. they sneak out to go exploring a forest and they play around for a bit, they discover a pond where they rest. the reader takes off their shoes and dips their feet into the water (have them splash the water at each other uwu) and when it's time to go back home the reader realizes that they lost their shoes and Bertholdt ends up carrying them home (bridal style or piggyback u choose 💕💕)

Aww so CUTE!! This was so wholesome and I really really hope you enjoy this~ Thank you so much for requesting!

Adventure

Shingeki no Kyojin

Child!Bertholdt Hoover x Child!Reader

Summary: The day is sunny and warm, perfect for an adventure. And you already know who you want to experience said adventure with.

You carefully open the door and quietly step outside, not wanting to get caught by your mother. It was a fine day and there was no way you would let it go to waste by staying home and helping your mother with boring household duties. The sky was clear, the sun shone beautifully, bringing life to just about anything its bright rays touched. The slight breeze that embraced your form was welcomed as the warmth of the sun would’ve been unbearable without it. It was a perfect day to spend outside and you had already thought of a way to do that.

Your tiny legs led you to the entrance of a familiar forest that was fortunately not too far away from your house. It was a fairly big forest, in which one would most likely get lost but you had familiarized yourself with the surroundings, having spent a lot of time in the place. It was like a second home to you and despite knowing almost every pit, tree and bush that resided within the forest, there was still a lot of exploring to do, hence you were once again approaching the lovely grove.

Upon arriving at the familiar location your big (E/C) eyes lit up as a familiar figure comes to view. That dark hair swaying gently in the wind, those green eyes showing equal amount of excitement as yours and that bright smile that almost never came out in others’ company. A huge smile of your own appears on your face as you pick up your pace and run towards him with your arms opened. “Bertiee!!~” You shout and tackle him to the ground with a loving hug.

The boy lets out a yelp that quickly breaks into a cheerful laughter, one that fills your heart with an immense amount of joy. Once he hugs you back you quickly get up from the soft grass, allowing Bertholdt to get up. “My mom is going to be so mad at me for sneaking out..” He says while dusting some of the dirt off his clothes. He had had similar thoughts about the stunning day, thus making him venture to the woods he had spent so much time in with you. 

You laugh at his words and get up, mirroring his actions. “Me too, but that’s alright! At least we’re having fun!” You put your arm around his shoulder, leaning on him cheerfully. He stumbles a bit at your sudden impact, but not enough to end up on the ground again. Bertholdt was reserved and shy but with you he found it easier to express himself and open up more. You had witnessed sides of him you never saw when there were other people around. He was extremely brave, a trait he didn’t show often, but when he did, it was astonishing for you.

“What should we do?” He asked once you let go of him. You put a hand on your chin and twist your face into an expression that appears to be deep in thought. “Hmm.. Let’s see..” Your mind wonders about all the possible things you could do during this beautiful day. There was so much to do and you had so much time. Your eyes land on one of the many trees lining the entrance to the forest and a devilish yet playful smirk slithers on your face.

“Well..” Before Bertholdt has any time to process your words, you’re already running towards the tree. “The last one at that tree is a rotten egg!!” You shout over your shoulder, laughing in mischievousness when the poor boy begins to run after you, trying to catch you. “H-hey! No fair!” He had always been faster than you so in your mind, your little false start was more than justified. But what brought you even more excitement than the victory of this small race, was the thrill of what kind of adventures you’d end up in today.

~

“(Name), look!” You hear Bertholdt shouting and looking over a set of bushes. It had been a long day of picking flowers and berries, climbing trees and even playing a few rounds of hide and seek, which you were a master at. Needless to say, you two had had a lot of fun in each other’s company though it did cause you to get rather tired. Having fun is quite exhausting after all.

You swiftly make your way towards him, curious to see what he has discovered. You often found something new and it was always exciting to see your discoveries, but judging by the tone of Bertholdt’s voice and the clear flecks of excitement in his eyes, this was going to be good. Behind the bushes you can see a shallow pond, filled with crystal clear water. You gasp at the sight and look at Bertholdt whose eyes are filled with even more excitement, mainly due to your positive reaction.

You waste no time walking through the bushes and approach the pond, immediately testing the water with your hand. It’s nice and refreshing looking almost good enough to drink. You know better than to do that, though. The sound of Bertholdt’s approaching footsteps reach your ears and you turn to look at him with a smile. “Try the water. It’s not cold at all!” You say and begin to remove your shoes and socks, tossing them somewhere while Bertholdt dips his hand in the water. “Wow, you’re right!” He exclaims and retreats his now wet hand from the water. His eyes then notice your bare feet and he gives you a questioning look. “What are you doing?”

You merely smile at his question and give him an answer by dipping your feet into the water. The feeling of the fresh water between your toes and the soft yet dense bottom beneath you make your eyes widen in awe. “Oooh, this feels so weird,” You look over at Bertholdt who’s looking at the clear water with curiosity. A giggle escapes your mouth and you decide to invite him in. You cup your hands and lower them to the water and quickly move them up, picking up some of the liquid with the action and aiming the water droplets at Bertholdt. He quickly shields himself from your attack, though laughing at it. “Come on! You’re not scared of water are you?” You ask laughing.

The dark haired boy quickly begins to remove his own socks and shoes, carefully placing them on the ground, not too close to the pond. He steps in and the familiar feeling you felt also hits him, making him gasp in awe. You giggle at his reaction and take a few steps closer to the center, an action that soon proved itself to be rather regrettable. Because your back was facing him, you fail to notice the slight smirk on Bertholdt’s face. Only when you feel the cold drops of water hitting your back do you realize your mistake.

You let out a squeal in surprise, making the boy beside you laugh. “Sweet, sweet revenge!” Oh that’s it. If he wanted to play this dangerous game, you were more than happy to challenge him. “Now you’ve done it! You’ll pay for that!!” And so, you began to mercilessly splash him with water, Bertholdt doing the exact same thing, unwilling to let you win this battle. Your laughs and the sounds of splashing water echoed around you, making this battle admittedly enjoyable.

~

Unfortunately all fun had to come to an end at some point and the moment of realization for the two of you was when you noticed the sun beginning to set. Upon realizing this, you couldn’t help but to wonder how on earth did time move so fast? Just a moment ago you were at the entrance to the forest, ready to begin today’s adventure, and now you were supposed to believe that the day was already over? No way!

But alas, there was nothing you could do, hence you stepped out of the pond, ready to leave. Bertholdt followed your lead and began to put on his fortunately still dry socks and shoes. Both of your bodies were still damp from the war of water, but neither of you paid no mind as you had had fun and that was all that mattered. 

You frown your brows as you try to look for your shoes, but they seem to be nowhere in sight. Once Bertholdt is done putting on his own pair, he walks to you with a puzzled expression. “What’s wrong (Name)?” He asks. You scratch your head, trying to look for them from the dense vegetation. You only remember throwing your shoes somewhere so in theory, they could be anywhere. “I can’t find my shoes.. I’ve looked everywhere!” You throw your hands into air in frustration, your eyes falling to your feet. They were cold thanks to the water and you would surely hurt yourself if you were to walk on the possibly risky soil of the forest. The thought makes you cringe. “What am I going to do, Bertl?” You look at him with disappointed eyes.

Bertholdt frowns his brows, feeling extremely bad for you. He thinks for a moment before an idea comes to his mind. He walks in front of you, turns his back towards you and lowers himself, opening his arms. “Hop on, I can carry you,” He looks at you over his shoulders, wearing a reassuring smile on his face. You look at him and blink a couple of times, before accepting his kind offer with a smile of your own. You place your hands on his shoulders and hop on his back. He immediately catches your legs and stands up before beginning to walk towards the entrace.

“Thanks, Bertl.. You’re the best.” To his absolute surprise, he feels your lips gently touch his cheek, making an obvious shade of red appear on his face. He’s extremely grateful that you aren’t able to see his blush. Even when your lips retreat from the surface of his skin, it feels as though they have imprinted themselves on his cheek for all eternity. Not that he minds.

“Y-yeah.. You’re welcome..” He says shyly, looking at the ground to hide his embarrassment. You in turn close your eyes and lean against him, feeling an extreme amount of comfort in his presence. Today’s adventure had been so much fun, you don’t even care how mad your mom will be. The only thing you can think about is your future adventures with Bertholdt.