#excuse me for being a film bro in chat i guess

[skullfuck3r]

I cant believe he doesnt know hit 1973 film goncharov by martin scorsese.

[whump-town]

BAU Pool Fic

I wrote @davidrossi-ismydad bau pool fic... it’s 3,000 words bro I took it way too far

“Jack Attack!” Emily Prentiss finds herself with an armful of overly excited five-ear-old. “How are you doing baby?” She brushes a strand of his hair back from his face, rubbing in a spot of sunscreen on his temple. She loves all her nephews. They’re her maternal outlet and Jack just eats it up. Even if that does crush both her and Hotch. 

Jack smiles broadly, “I’m super!” He moves, twisting so she can see the floaties on his little arms. “Look!” Jack points on his floaties, “Daddy got me floats with Cap’n ‘merica!” Sure enough, a cartooned Captain America is sitting on his bicep. “Uncle Dave is gonna let us swim!” 

Emily is nodding along, used to his quick pace. She knew about the Captain America floaties last week when Dave first brought up opening the pool. Hotch went from timidly sipping the Scotch Dave gave him to panicked because Target hadn’t gotten in their superhero floaties yet. Of course, in the safety of Dave’s office, she’d chuckled at seeing his DadMode activate. Then she had Garcia show Hotch how to order the floaties online, where they were in-stock.

“I know,” she agrees, trying to match his enthusiasm. “Are you excited to swim?”

Jack nods, “Daddy said he would too!” 

A sigh comes from behind her and Emily turns to find Hotch. He’s got a beach bag over his right shoulder while his left-hand twists his sunglasses by the side. “Buddy, I said I might swim.” He loves his team, really does, but getting in that pool with both sets of ‘the boys’ might be a bit much. That and he has to do his best to keep water out of his ears unless he wants to nurse an ear infection all summer long. 

JJ and Garcia laughter cut through any further conversation, coming in through the side door. Their drinks already in hand, sent by Rossi to greet whoever he heard just pulled in. The two of them had been expecting Emily, she’d sent a text as a ‘heads up’ when she stopped for gas on the way here. It’s just a pleasant surprise to find Hotch and Jack too.

“So, that’s what you’ve been hiding under all those suits.” JJ cocks her head to the side, smirking at Hotch. She, of course, knows about her best friends rocking bods. Everyone has seen Morgan topless, so he’s no big surprise. The real treat in today’s plans was 100% figuring out what Hotch and Reid hid under way too many layers of clothes.

Garcia agrees too, sipping some white fruity white canned alcoholic drink. “You look hot, sir.”

Hotch looks down at himself. He’s wearing a dark green, thin button-down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He hadn’t buttoned the first three buttons, leaving a good bit of his chest visible. His trunks are dark blue and come up just above his knees. They were shorter than what he’d expected when he ordered them but pants are always a problem at his height. So he considered it an overall win they didn’t come up higher. 

Compared to his usual attire around them, he might as well be naked. Not to mention his pale skin which is startlingly bright in the light of Rossi’s parlor. Hot isn’t exactly what he’d seen in the mirror when he’d put it on. Just… clothes. 

“Thank you,” he responds, with a tense smile. He really needs to work on accepting compliments. “Nice… bathing suits.” 

That is the understatement of the year. 

JJ has on a one-piece that cuts up very high on her hips. She’d chosen the color maroon and damn if she wasn’t right about it being her color. It’s cheeky and risky and Garcia was absolutely here for it. Refusing to hear JJ’s excuse she couldn’t pull off bathing suits like this one anymore. She has a mom-bod.

Emily’s rebuttal had been that JJ was right. She does have a mom-bod because JJ is a total MILF.

With two hype-women, JJ had to get the bathing suit.

Garcia’s own is white with red and blue flowers. There’s a perfect triangle cut out between her breast, drawing tasteful attention to them. Her selection had come easy, ‘I don’t need your help on this one. It’s speaking to me’. She too looked killer but saves her boss any grief on his compliment falling short. 

Emily snorts at the comment but covers it up by addressing how her best friends had betrayed her. “Evidently, this year we were going one piece.” Emily gestures to her own body, to the bathing suit she’s hidden under a maxi dress. “I didn’t get the memo.”

Garcia caves first, “babe, we said we were sorry!”

Seeing this as his only ticket to get away from a conversation he has no idea how to be a part of, Hotch extends his hand to Jack. “Come on buddy.” 

Emily puts him down, patting his head as he takes Hotch’s hand and follows his father with a little skip. 

“See daddy,” he says brightly. “I told you, you looked han’some!”

Emily watches them leave, tucking her arms around her body. It’s protective and comforting. She smiles sadly at Jack’s comment, it turning bitterly into a frown

JJ cups Emily’s cheek, “we are sorry.” 

The worst part is, she’s not mad they got one-piece bathing suits. It’s about her own insecurities. JJ has smooth, perfect skin, and Garcia’s gunshot wound makes her look like a badass. The memory is… murky but she’s a fighter because of it. 

Emily’s scars are tainted. A reminder of just how awful their lives have been lately and when she takes her dress off it’s just going to be that much more in their face. She’s a walking horror film, a damn slasher movie.  

“It’s fine,” Emily promises. “I’m just…” she blows out a breath. “I’m in a mood, I guess.” 

Her arms are still crossed so JJ finds that a little hard to believe but before she can start to dive into a line of question and dredge up whatever is bothering her. 

“I didn’t know the party was in here,” Rossi states, stepping into the house. He sees the tension in Emily’s body, frowning when Emily places her hand over the one JJ has on her cheek. Squeezing the thin digits before moving them away. “Bella?” His relaxed smile falls, “is there something wrong?”

Pappa Rossi has come out and he’s a fierce mister to mess around with.

Emily shakes her head, picking up her bag and stifling all her concerns. “I’m fine,” she promises. She motions for the other girls to follow and she meets Rossi at the door. “You just worry too much, vecchio uomo.” 

Old man? She wounds him.

He’s dressed simply, no desire to swim in the pool with those little animals (whom he loves dearly but the point still stands). Dad jean and an opened button-down, he looks too good. He squints his eyes but his sunglasses hide his skepticism. “Mhmm.” He opens the door for them, “you’d better get out there. You’re missing out on a party.”

The party greets them before they can fully get out of the door. 

“Oh, Spence,” JJ covers her mouth, the only person merciful enough to hide her smile at the sight of him. “Honey, what did you do?”

Someone, definitely Derek, had pushed him into the pool. He looks like a drowned rat. An adorable drowned rat but a rat none-the-less and in his clothes too. He shakes his head, looking down at his wet clothes. “I got pushed in.”

“Uncle Derek,” Jack explains helpfully, padding up to them. He’s visibly wet, obviously an eyewitness given his pleased smile. 

“Yep,” Henry confirms from his best friend’s side. Smiling just as bright as Jack. “Untle Derek push’ted him in!” He jumps happily at the end, nodding his head to his mother. 

The uncle in question sneaks up behind the boys, grabbing them by their waists and hoisting them up. “Are you boys tattling on me?” One on each side, Morgan looks between them faking an angry frown. Both boys know exactly what he’s going to do and start squirming excitedly. Claiming simultaneous denial. 

Morgan’s face sobers for a split second, his attention on the adults. “Pretty boy had it coming,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I brought him a bathing suit and he wouldn’t put it on.” He shrugs and his playful smirk sinks back into place as he announces, “and since someone tattled on me… I’m forced to get my revenge.”

“No! No!” Henry and Jack shout, gleefully screaming as Morgan turns around and heads for the pool. 

“Hold your breath boys!” Morgan jumps in and there’s a large splash as all three submerge. The boys pop up first like little apples, laughing uncontrollably. 

Reid is standing in front of them shivering, looking rather pathetic soaked to the bone. “I pulled him in with me,” Reid states, moving to get past them. 

Poor Reid had not been expecting it at all. He’d gone to the pool’s edge to talk to Henry and Jack. They were chatting away, Jack showing him the Captain America’s and Henry telling Reid that he was gonna learn how to swim without floats with Uncle Hotch too. So he and Jack could both be big boys.

That’s when Morgan had come up from behind, lifting Reid off his feet in a swoop and throwing him in. 

In his mind, it was payback. Morgan brought Reid a very bright red speedo, a gag gift of course. After that fun had ended, the fun being seeing how red he got having to hold the atrocious garment in his hand, Morgan had gifted him light purple swim trunks.

So that he could swim. Except, Reid refused. So Morgan took the matter into his own hands. Then he felt guilty.

Offering Reid a hand up had, of course, been a mistake because the second the genius’ hand met his Morgan felt a sharp pull. Then he found himself in the pool. 

Jack and Henry, who hadn’t recovered from how hard they’d laughed watching Reid get dunked in were wheezing by the time Morgan’s head popped back up.

It seems as if they really did miss a party.

“Prentiss,” Hotch greets, walking up alongside her with a drink. “It’s a strawberry daiquiri, Dave said it’s your favorite.”

She takes the drink with a smile, watching her friends mingle and laugh amongst themselves. While she stands off to the side, isolating herself. She takes a small sip from the top, smiling. God, if Hotch and Rossi weren’t just the sweetest men she knew. Which is a strange thought to have once she considers it. Hotch is the bad cop to her good cop and Rossi is the reason they have such strict fraternization rules. 

“Do you think I can just be Emily, today?” she asks hopefully. 

Hotch smiles, nodding. “If I can be Aaron,” he barters. They tap their glasses together, a silent agreement. He takes a sip of his beer, watching the others around them. He’d gotten word, from Dave, about Emily and the bathing suit thing. She could play the other’s stupid but no one can lie to David Rossi. Not even Hotch. “Not swimming?”

She sighs and she knows exactly what this is. “Aaron...” she sighs, shaking her head but she can’t think of what to say. She can’t say he doesn’t understand. Her wounds might be larger but he had more. Quantity to quality and God, that’s awful. 

He takes her hand lightly, his eyes intense and sad. 

And she’s terrified. 

He lets go and she thinks that it. He’s going to let it go because they’re messing with demons here and she’s learned her lesson with stirring them up. But he does something so much worse. 

He takes his shirt off. 

“Hotch-”

His hands are trembling despite this being some act of courage because it’s only been two years and he knows the scars look awful and-

“Uh-oh!” JJ yells from the other side of the pool. She’s very drunk and drunk JJ is very supportive… and has no filter. “DILF alert!” She sends them two thumbs up and Will waves, a stressed smile stretched across his face. 

Hearing the commotion, Garcia turns away from Morgan and their current conversation. “Holy shit…” Garcia mumbles, pushing her sunglasses down to get a better look. “Does the FBI do a wet t-shirt contest or something? We have to get you boys in it.”

Hotch tilts his head expectantly.

“Oh shut up,” she rolls her eyes and sits her daiquiri down. She takes back every nice thing she’s ever said or thought about him. Especially that internal monologue from before about him being one of just the sweetest man she knew. In fact, she doesn’t like men at all anymore. 

Pulling her dress up over her head, she shakes her head.

That’s right, the Aaron Hotchner, a certified DILF, and federal agent had turned her 100% gay… well, until she forgives him. 

She frowns at him, realizing how dumb they both look just staring at each other mostly naked. “Satisfied?” 

He raises an eyebrow, playfully shaking his head, “are you trying to get us both sent to a sexual harassment meeting, Agent Prentiss?”

“Morgan and Garcia could use the company.” She’s trying very hard to keep her eyes on his face which is also making it hard to be mad at him. The scars aren’t even that noticeable and, while his abs might not be as defined as Morgan’s they are still visible. And nice. 

Before this conversation or frankly, anything else about this day, can get any weirder, Rossi calls out that the burgers are done. 

First come first served.

Which really means Reid, Henry, and Jack eat first while the rest of them fend for themselves. 

The chaos, as always, really gets going after dinner. 

JJ, Emily, and Garcia were standing and discussing whether or not Emily should get a different bathing suit for the beach trip her mother’s planning when the boys come from nowhere. 

Will, Reid, and Morgan.

All three girls end up in the pool. Garcia slung over Morgan’s shoulder. JJ scooped up by Will. Emily dragged kicking and screaming by Reid. It’s declared war and Emily, seeing Hotch chuckling at the sight of them, decides it’s against all of the men. 

The other three aren’t that hard to get. 

Will is lured in the way any man is into a trap, by thinking with the wrong head. JJ takes him out at the knees and Emily is the final blow. Execution style. Will considers it to be a bitter defeat.

Morgan is stupid. Emily sends off to get more drinks and together Garcia and JJ rush him as he walks past the pool. He goes in mid-wave to Jack and Henry, who are playing in the shallow end. 

Emily just picks Reid up, doing the same as he’d done to her. Ego soaring and the alcohol she’d consumed clouding her judgment, Emily takes on her main target. Aaron Hotchner. 

He’s standing at the edge of the pool, with his shirt back on but completed unbuttoned, and telling Jack and Henry to come to get another layer of sunscreen on. His back is completed turned when Emily pushes into him. She’s expecting to hear his body hit the pool water and then her name to be grumbled out when he bobs back to the surface.

It’s like hitting concrete. The man goes nowhere. 

He turns to face her, frowning disappointingly. “Is that all you got Emily?” He shakes his head and turns back to the boys, “chop! Chop! The faster you get out the faster you get right back in.”

Emily attempts to conspire with the others but they’re cowards.

“Oh, no, princess. Not a chance in hell.” Morgan shakes his head, he already thinks she’s crazy for trying the first time.

JJ is too drunk to really tackle. 

Garcia thinks it would be cruel. Hotch has done nothing wrong.

Will is a coward.

Reid is scared of him.

Rossi is too old. 

“You’re all boring,” she pouts. So she tries again on her own.

The boys are back in the pool, Hotch asking when the last time they had some water or a juice box was. That alone almost stops her. Because it’s adorable. She decides she really doesn’t care and takes the approach of shouting his name and then tackling him.  

He catches her. She hits his body but he moves at the last second and wraps his arms around her waist. “Is this what you were trying to do?” Right over his shoulder she goes, plop- right in the pool.

The boys get a proper kick out of it. 

Emily, with a towel wrapped around her shoulders, sulking in a chair watches as Jack and Henry shout for Hotch. He pretends to be surprised as they run at him. They jump up and he catches them to his chest, making a dramatic show of pretending to be knocked back into the pool. 

When he comes to the surface he shakes his hair out of his face and she frowns, hating him for making that look hot. 

Ick... men.

The afternoon wraps itself up well. 

Rossi lures the boys out of the pool with sweets and movies. It’s a picture perfect moment. 

Jack and Henry are exhausted and the moment they settle in the living room, both sharing Uncle Dave’s lap in the lazy boy, they’re out like lights. There’s the smallest bit of chocolate smeared on their lips and Rossi dares Hotch or Will to take his boys away. They can stay the night.

And they do. 

Emily says goodbye to all three, pressing kisses to their temples.

“Did you have fun, Bella?”

She got free food. She got drunk. 

Her boss took his shirt off in front of everyone to make her feel comfortable in her own skin and then dunked her in the pool.

She laughed until she cried with JJ and Garcia.

She played a very dangerous game of chicken with Morgan and Reid...

“Yeah,” she admits. “I had a lot of fun.”

Rossi’s eyes crinkle, “mission accomplished then.”

[softhourtxt]

you accidentally confess | txt

× txt reaction: you accidentally confess to them × genre: fluff × warnings: swearing × word count: 1,5k 

a/n: this is a little different 🌚 but i hope you still like it! i just got a job and i'm starting there tomorrow and i'm excited but scared for my sleeping schedule shdjdkd goodbye late night kdrama marathons

texts are bold

you’re picking up your cat from their dorm

they had been cat-sitting him for the day since you had important meetings and desperately needed someone to feed him

you get to their place and use your key to get in, not bothering to knock at all

(they gave you a key since you kept visiting so much it already seemed like you lived there anyway)

once inside, the only living being that comes to greet you is your cat

you’re a bit confused since you were expecting at least one member to come greet you

so you call out their names a couple times and peek into a couple rooms even

no one in sight

you sigh and crouch down to pet your cat

“why did they leave you alone, hm?”

your cat only purrs in reply, so you take the initiative to continue talking to him

but unbeknownst to you, someone had just taken off their headphones in another room when they thought they heard noises

s o o b i n ♡

“soobin promised to be home all day,,,,,,,, i was expecting at least for him to be here”

he hears his own name from somewhere and his interest peaks

he realizes you must be here to pick up your cat

but you’re talking to him? hilarious

better sneak up and listen

“that idiot boy,,,,,, you know, sometimes i wonder why i even like him,,,,, yeah he’s cute but,,,,,,,,, why,,,,,,,,,,,”

soobin heard what?

soobin + cute in the same sentence?

the gears in his brain are slowly starting to rotate

it sure can’t mean you like like him,,,,, right?

“well dumb boy lost his last chances with me anyways since he didn’t look after you!”

holy heck

soobin sprints to you from around the corner

you nearly shit yourself, even your cat jumps a little

“i was looking after him!!”

you look like a deer caught up in headlights

“you were home…?”

you’re sweating, heart beating fast but he grins at you

“of course i’m home. so how about those chances with you?”

y e o n j u n ♡ 

c’mon that’s ^ the perfect gif for this scenario

“not even yeonjun is here? hmph, i thought he loved you :( like i do him,,,,,,, hehe”

yeonjun furrows his brows but doesn’t move from his spot on his chair

what the hell was going on? did your cat finally learn how to speak?

“has he fed you? i bet you were actually looking after him and not the other way around! wasn’t it?”

after he hears your cat reply in a meow he realizes it’s actually you who’s talking!

you had came back and he hadn’t heard a thing

he gets up immediately to ask about what you were saying but before he can make his presence known you slip more info

“i’m constantly worried for his health,,,, you know?? i hope he worries about me too :/”

a smile spreads on yeonjuns face as he walks to stand right in front of you

but of course you’re still crouched down petting your cat so you don’t see him at first

“sometimes i feel like you get more attention from him than i do,,,, which i guess is understandable,,,,,, you’re a cat”

only after your cat makes eye contact with yeonjun you notice he’s actually there

you look up in horror to find him staring down at you with a grin on his face

eyes widened, you ask: “how long have you been standing there?”

“long enough” cue shit eating grin “i fed him a couple hours ago, don’t worry. oh and by the way, i love you too”

you’re sitting in your living room in the middle of a movie marathon, accompanied by your best friend and the members of txt

a horror movie is playing and admittedly, you’re quite scared

even tho you had expressed your courage and suggested the movie yourself,,,,, you were shaking

but you absolutely did not want to admit it out loud

because you knew you’d get teased into hell and back and right now that sounded scarier than the movie itself

you prayed no one had noticed your body flinch at every jump scare so far, pretending to just cough or sneeze

but all your hopes and dreams crashed when your phone vibrated with a new message

you picked up the device and it showed your best friend had texted you??? from the same room???

you look over at them to find them already staring back at you, pointing a finger at you and laughing soundlessly

swallowing your pride you open the text message

b e o m g y u ♡ 

“you should like,,,,, hold on to beomgyu lmao” -your friend

you look around to see if anyone has noticed the two of you on your phones, but thankfully it seems like everyone is more into the film

“i don’t know what you’re talking about”

“duuuude his arm is already pretty much around you. just lean into him a bit more and you’re cuddling hehehe”

“i’m good” you quickly reply and turn your screen off

your friend sends you another text but you refuse to open it

so they glare at you and you being the mature you, show them your tongue

and of course, your friend being the annoying friend they are, start spamming you

you almost successfully ignore it but when beomgyu next to you clears his throat you’re done

“bro you’re so scared just go for it” “he likes you too!” “it’s the perfect excuse!!!” “c'moooooon” “doooo iiiiiit”

you quickly find the meanest meme in your gallery and send it to them, then get back to the chat to tell her to shut up

“i’m not scared!! and beomgyu does most definitely not like me back! if you’re so scared yourself maybe you should come and cuddle with me! >:(“

but did you check the contact? nope :)

beomgyu picks up his phone after it had vibrated in his pocket

you watch in confusion as his eyebrows furrow

boi is!!! shocked to say the least

but eventually he pockets his phone and lets a smile spread on his face

he confidently snakes an arm around you waist and pulls you to him, giggling

"you shouldn’t make such harsh assumptions, y/n. i will protect you from the movie!”

t a e h y u n ♡ 

“you’re scared >:)”

you involuntarily pout at the message

“am not >:/ fight me”

“lmao i’m not even the only one that noticed hehe”

you look around but don’t notice anyone else paying attention to you other than your annoying friend

never the less you pull the blanket over your phone so no one can notice the light

“you’re lying. everyone’s into the movie, as was i!”

“kang taehyun definitely noticed :) he’s observing! just confess already he’s staring at you with heart eyes”

you scoff, sparing a glance at the boy in question

he indeed, is staring at the tv screen and not at you

you knew it, your friend is messing with you

“yah! stop messing with me >:( i regret ever telling you i like taehyun. now hush!”

you send the text and pocket your phone, deciding you wouldn’t reply to any more dumb texts so you try to focus back on the movie

but through out the rest of the film (which was about to end) you kept feeling a whole different pair of eyes on you but you do not dare to find out who it is

after the movie ends, everyone decides on a well deserved bathroom break

some get up to go get more drinks and snacks and soon you realize you’re left alone in the living room with taehyun (what a coincidence)

eventually he gets up too and you let out a sigh,,,,, until he plops down next to you

without warning his hand takes yours and holds it tight and you’re like??? what’s this for???

“you accidentally sent me the text but that’s okay,,,, i like you too”

h u e n i n g k a i  ♡ 

“you know,,,,, kai is scared too”

you roll your eyes but reply anyway

“what do you mean? who else is scared?”

“i see you jump every time hehe! he tries to hide it too, you have so much in common!”

you glance over at the boy in question and he,,,,,, seems fine,,,,,,,,

you see your friend try to send you another text, but soobin, who is sitting next to them nudges them with his elbow

your friend glares at him, but pockets their phone

you know soobin is about to scold you too, so you quickly send him a text as well

“don’t worry! y/f/n is just being annoying! i’ll stop”

then you switch back to your friends chat and text her back

“i know what you’re implying with that,,,, i’m sick of this whole "kai loves you back” stuff it’s annoying! now bye before soobin kills us both“

soobin picks up his phone in confusion, stares at the screen for a couple seconds in silence, then chuckles

"y/n likes kai?” he says out loud and everyone turns to look at him

your eyes widen and so do kai’s

“what?” -ningning

“y/n likes you. they just texted me that :)” -soobin

the youngest stares into nothingness for a while, trying to wrap his head around what he just heard

then what feels like hours of awkward silence he finally speaks with a wide grin

“well, i wasn’t expecting to confess in front of everyone like this, but you can text her back the feeling is mutual!”

[twstwonderlandstuff]

Jamil with a doting and loving little sister

why the fuck does this exist- i dont fucking know

Spoilers for Scary Halloween Event ahead!

“Karin!” A young girl with long, dark hair yelled. “Please don’t run!”

“Eh? But aren’t you excited to see your big brother, Aniq?” Karin shot back, her loose, white hair flitting through the air. “I can’t wait to see what Scarabia’s doing for Halloween this year~!”

“I am too, but...” Aniq forcefully pulled Karin back, leaving Aniq to pout. “I can’t have you ruining the Asim family name looking like that.”

“Eh? But I’m the 12th, it’s not that important.” Karin dragged out, dramatically walking back towards her right-hand (wo)man/best friend. Pouting, she reluctantly let Aniq tidy her appearance- carefully tying the whit turban back in place, tugging the aqua-blue sleeveless top so it covers her decently, making sure the matching colored parachute pants reach her bottoms and shining the golden jewel that rests on her sandals it’s Jasmine.

“There, much better.” Aniq gave her a once over, satisfied at the appearance. “Wait, let me do yours too!” Karin insisted, roughly cleaning Aniq’s image. 

“Ah, don’t-” Aniq gave up, letting the girl do as she pleased- well, it’s not like anyone can see them, right? Just in case, Aniq gave the room they were in (Karin’s room) a onceover, glad that nothing was amiss.

In contrast to Karin, Aniq wore a very simple black cloak that draped gracefully over her shoulders and a collared, midi-length, grey dress that has buttons running its entire length. For a pop of color, orange, curly-toed shoes line her feet (it’s a witch)

“There~ you look better, see?” Karin grinned. “Now we can both look good!”

“Well, I guess... thanks.” Aniq replied, twirling around. “Well then, my lady, shall we go?” She teasingly asked, offering Karin an arm.

“But of course. We can’t have our brother’s anxiously wait for our arrival, can’t we?” Karin answered in kind, looping her arm in hers. 

“They don’t even know we’re coming, how are they supposed to wait?” Aniq sighed. “I wonder if this is really ok...”

“It’s fine, chill. My dad already said ok, and I forced your parents to take you with me!” Karin casually replied, stepping out of the room. A glare from Aniq made her soften her voice.

"You and your abuse of power...” Aniq sighed. “If my parents knew I told you to...”

“Hihihi... ahh, just relax already! We’re going to have fun, and you are prohibited from being anxious, do you understand?! This is a command straight from the master herself, okay?!” Karin commanded, booping Aniq’s nose.

“Hai hai~” The two of them laughed good-naturedly, chatting light-heartedly about other things.

*

"Woah!” Karin exclaimed. “Is this what NRC looks like when it’s Halloween?! It looks so cool...!”

“I know right?!” Aniq noticed a man with what seems like bandages, but made into clothes on him. “Oh, there’s a guy sitting there- let’s ask him for the directions of the Scarabia dorms- oh wait, isn’t that the dorm leader of Octavinelle?”

“Hmm, maybe? I think I remember someone looking like that when we came here last year.” Karin hummed, walking placentally towards the guy. “Excuse me, do you know where the Scarabia venues are?”

"Oh, welcome and happy Halloween. Yes, they are located in the Mystery shop.” Azul explained. “Do you have anything else to add?”

“No, that’s all. Thank you, and happy Halloween!” Aniq replied, flashing him a quick thank you smile before leaving with Karin. 

“Eh, you remember the way?”

“Duh~ I mean, do I not have good memory?” Aniq flexed lightly, grinning.

“Oh yeah, you helped me cheat on that test one time-”

“Ahhh shaddup don’t talk about that!” 

“Eh- but you’re the that brought up the topic!” Karin argued back.

“No, you did! I didn’t say a word about tests!”

“Oh yeah.. ahaha...”

“Ah, what am I going to do with you?” Aniq sighed, shaking her head and smiling. 

*

“There they are- oh...” Aniq’s spirit dissipated after seeing to long, long line that stood in front of the Mystery Shop. “H...how are we supposed to find big bro and Kalim-san now...?”

“Ahh, I don’t know...” Karin echoed, sighing sadly. “But I’m so lazy to wait in line...”

“I’ll wait for you, you go do something else.” Aniq suggested. “I think we passed a haunted house or something. You love those things, right?”

“Yup, thanks Aniq! Karin playfully teased, pressing her lips on Aniq’s cheek. “See ya!”

Aniq blushed deeply, but managed to wave her off. “Honestly, that girl...!” She grunted under her breath, a little bothered. “She’s way too affectionate...”

Aniq aligned herself in the queue, looking around. It certainly is more crowded then last year. I wonder why- oh, right, because of that picture of the ghosts and the cat. Ahh, I kind of want to see the cat... it looks so cute! She thought, smiling at the thought. And the cute girl too... I wonder why there’s a girl in NRC? Ah well, I can ask big bro, can’t I?

She grinned happily at the thought and accidentally overheard the chatter of a few people.

“Ahh, I wonder what angles I should take for the waffle?” Girl A pondered, asking her friend.

“I think from up high is good because the lighting is better. That way, the post will definitely get more likes.” Girl B answered, concluding Girl A’s response.

“Hey, are we going to actually eat the waffle? No, right? It’s so annoying to walk around holding this around...” Girl A sighed, hesitantly looking at the waffle store.

“But it says not to throw it here...eh, I’m sure its fine since everyone is doing it too!”

“Right, right!” The two continued chattering, but Aniq’s eyes went straight for the trash can.

She glanced at the pile of waffles and containers surrounding the trash can. Ahh, I don’t think big bro is going to enjoy that... She spotted several caterpillars and slugs on the trash can and sighed. Most definitely not.

Silently, quietly, she muttered a spell: Spread your wings, and turn the ugly to good.

After a few seconds, the pile of trash became a flight of butterflies, which quickly dissapeared and flitted into the air, along with the caterpillars and slugs.

“Woah, the trash just dissapeared! Is that the way they clean the trash?” Girl A gasped, shaking Girl B by the shoulders.

“So pretty! Let’s throw some more trash so we can see it again! Maybe if we put it on Magicam it’ll become viral!” Girl B added. 

That’s not what I meant to do! “Don’t-” The word slipped out before Aniq could stop herself. The two strangers in front of her glared at her. 

“Have you been eavesdropping on us? That’s rude.”

“Ah- I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it when you said that you’d continue littering.” She countered calmly.

“Why not? It doesn’t hurt anyone, right?”

“Well, there is a sign clearly indicating that you shouldn’t throw trash, but if you ignore that, then yes, the actions you did obviously have no impact at all.” She chastised sarcastically, pointing towards the sign. 

“Ahh, so annoying! Let’s just wait for the waffles another time. I’m tired of waiting in line anyway.” Girl A said, shooting a dirty glance at Aniq, which she subtly ignored. 

“Yeah.. oh, let’s go to Savanaclaw! Maybe the rumor that...” The 2 customers walked away, letting Aniq take their place. 

**

2 people away from my order... come on, hurry up! Aniq thought impatiently. Ah, shit, where’s Karin?

She hurriedly pulled out her phone and called. After precisely 3 rings, Karin’s cheery voice rang from the other side. 

Hello?

Is everything okay on your end?

Ehh, are you worried~?

When am I never worried? Aniq deadpanned.

That’s true, yeah. I’m okay! I took a picture with THE Malleus Draconia, can you believe it?! I mean, there were these people who tried touching him, but I got a brain, so I didn’t do that. 

Heh?! Really? Woah, they have some guts! Aniq replied in surprise. 

“Next.” She stepped forward one step, noticing that the server had some wolf ears attached to them. Hmm, I don’t remember Scarabia students having animal ears... it’s probably for the costume.

Oh, and I found the cute girl in the picture you were talking about! 

Eh, did you find the cat and the ghosts too?! Send me the pictures ya! Aniq reminded her.

Yup, will do~ Karin replied fleetingly. They were swarmed with people haha! I pitied them, so I just... watched as the throng of people overwhelmed them. The people were saying something about the Malleus Draconia challenge, or something.

Eh, really? What’s it about?

Like, they have to film them touching him. Isn’t that crazy?

Well, more like moronic but yeah, I guess. I heard a few people talk about Magicam here too. ‘Let’s upload the waffle pictures! It’ll definitely get a lot of likes!’ then they throw it away! So stupid, right? Karin snorted.

...Are there people in the area-

Oh shit-

Oh my god you dumbass- Aniq could hear her friend laugh. Well, order some waffles for me, okay? I’m headed over there right now.

Aight then, bye!

Bai bai~

Click.

“Next, please!” The Scarabia student called, prompting Aniq to eagerly step forward, happy to see her big brother-

“Oh, is that you, Aniq?” Kalim cheerfully asked, prompting Aniq to quickly bow. 

“Ah, Kalim-sama!” Kalim laughed. 

“Raise your head up, jeez! I told you over and over you don’t need to do that, ya know~” Kalim lectured playfully, resulting in a quiet giggle from Aniq.

“Yes, master!” She inclined, using her left hand as a salute. “Can I take a picture- after I order, of course!”

“Sure!” Kalim agreed. “So, what do you want?”

“2 NRC waffles, please.” Kalim cringed at the word. “You’re going to actually eat it, right~?”

“Of course! What’s the point of buying food you’re not going to eat?” She casually answered back. 

“Don’t be so casual, Aniq.” Jamil’s voice floated through the booth. She grinned once she saw him. 

“Big bro!” Jamil was quick to give her a head pat, which she radiated from. “Aha, sorry... it slips out sometimes.”

“Hmm.” Jamil replied. “Kalim, the residents of Scarabia are asking for your help. Can you handle it by yourself?”

Kalim nodded, putting a thumbs up. “Leave it to me!” He then left to help with whatever needed to be done.

Aniq eyed her big brother. “Oh, you’re donned in a costume too, big bro.”

“All vice-dorm leaders and leaders are required to wear the costumes.” 

“Oh, did you make it, big bro?” Jamil shook his head. 

“No, Vil did- Pomefiore dorm leader.”

“Ahhh, you mean the pretty guy in charge of the mirror of chambers?” Jamil nodded. “I saw it on one of the flyers plastered on the walls.” 

"Ah, that makes sense. Ah, Aniq.”

“Mhmm?”

“Can you guess the theme of our dorm venue? I’ll add in a special treat if you guess it right.” Jamil teased, watching his sister’s eyes light up. 

“Really?! Well, um...” Her eyes quickly darted to take in the surroundings. The ragged carpet draped across the trees and roofs, with lanterns hanging from the trees. “Well, it’s very LHS (Land of Hot Sands)… oh!” She gasped, clicking her fingers. “Is it recyclable material? The carpets are made out of rags, and the lanterns out of reusable plastic.”

Jamil hummed, genuinely pleased. “You’re right.” Aniq beamed at the praise. ““I assume you’re with Karin?” He questioned.

“Mhmm, but she’s in the haunted house, or wherever Malleus Draconia is in. ”Oh, by the way, bro, what’s with the trash piling in front of the station? Are people really just buying the waffles to take pictures on Magicam?” Aniq asked, watching his eyebrows furrow.

"Unfortunately.” Jamil sighed. handing her the cones. "We tried telling them off, but they wouldn’t listen. They also bugged with Kalim’s tail.” Jamil smiled smugly, giving her the scones back. “Oh, and thank you for the trash.” 

“Ah, you saw, big bro?” She asked happily. Jamil shook his head. “You shouldn’t be using your UM so casually.”

“I know, I know, but it did help, right?” She grinned, but before she could continue, someone behind her whispered: “Oh my god she’s taking so long!”

“Oh, right!” Aniq quickly realized. “Um, chocolate for me and Mint choc-chip for Karin.”

“Of course.” Jamil got right to it, taking the wrappers from their containers. 

“How’s everything going, big bro?” Jamil raised an eyebrow at the question. “You know what I mean, with Kalim-sama... and everything.” Aniq asked, staring straight at her brother, who sighed deeply. 

"Don’t say that out in public.”

“But I’m worried! You’re doing okay, right?” Aniq frowned.

“It’s been... decent. He still treats me like a friend, no matter how many times I shrug him off. It’s annoying.” Jamil hissed, putting more force then usual when putting the waffles. “I’m just thankful nobody- except you- knows about this back home.”

“Ahaha... Kalim-sama is always like tha-” Her phone rang, interrupting her talk.

Hell-

ANIQ SOMETHING HAPPENED!

Jamil, well understanding the circumstances, quickly handed her the waffles, mouthing ‘For free.’ Aniq grinned in thanks and waved goodbye, walking away. 

What happened?!

I found this cute guy, and- Aniq wanted to slap her.

Oh my god, I thought you were in ACTUAL trouble you dumbass!

Hehe- anyways I found this really cute guy and he’s got ears and- OH MY GOD HE’S COMING MY WAY- oh nevermind he’s walking away...

Aniq couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s simping level. I’ll be there right away. Maybe we can get you to score a date with him.

so basically lads

Aniq (which means classy in Arabic haha see what I did there): Jamil’s younger sister

Karin (a play on the Kalim’s name): Kalim’s younger sister

also they cute Karin’s just rlly affectionate 

[banalbones]

The Petite Prince: Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Princes Don’t Need Help

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 8

SideStory

Summary: Roman is a child. Virgil is spending time with said child, and said child likes Logan’s Crofter’s.

Words: 2179

Ships: Familial everything, except roceit. Eventual familial roceit

Genre: Fluff with a side dose of angst

Warnings: A few swears, tell me if there’s any more!

Taglist: @pricklyfish777 @sunflowerblondeuwu @itriedandimtired @draw-your-perfect-world @cemmy @battlebunnyteardropsinthesun @nonbinary-lizard-2 @fanforeveruniverse @i-cant-find-a-good-username

_________________________

Virgil was content.

After hours, hours of searching for the precious little bean, here he was in the emo’s arms.

Finally.

The small royal giggled as Virgil made a silly face at him.

Scary reputation? Who’s she.

The baby reached up and tugged at the anxious side’s hair, marvelling at the pretty purple color, pulling at his own chocolate curls in comparison.

“Woah!”

Virgil felt his heart melt as the petite prince tugged his hair again, happily beaming and showing off his gap tooth.

He knew that the others were watching the exchange, but, for the first time in his ‘life’, didn’t even care.

Then Roman’s face scrunched up in concentration, and he let go of the emo’s hair.

“Liv’ roo!”

Virgil smiled softly.

“The living room?”

“Liv’ roo!”

So. Cute.

___________________________

Okay can I just interrupt for a second?

You already have, but go on.

Why do you all keep emphasizing how cute he was?

Because I was absolutely adorable.

Because he was absolutely adorable.

…

Fair enough.

___________________________

Patton was still chatting with Logan, about brownies and endorphins and all the like, but he still felt sad.

Patton was the literal dad of the group, and yet when one of his kiddos turned into a literal kiddo, he could do nothing about it. Well, for now at least.

Logan had told him that Roman had most likely felt extremely overwhelmed, causing him to regress further, and therefore should not be exposed to one of the main reasons he had felt overwhelmed by for a bit.

The logical side had faltered near the end, which the moral side took as a good sign.

Maybe he doesn’t think I’m too big a ‘main reason’.

Patton held on to this hope.

Because any hope, no matter how trivial, was hope.

____________________________

Remus really hadn’t wanted to give his little bro over to Virgie, and was considering to just, well to just not, but the look that Nerdy Wolverine had given him had convinced him of doing otherwise.

Whatever. I guess they still think I want to kill my brother.

Which he didn’t.

But again, whatever.

The Duke ignored the sting that the thought had left.

Whatever.

____________________________

Back in the living room, Roman was grinning wider than ever.

It was working! There was waaaay less sad, and even better than that, he had helped.

Ooh, look at the pretty lights! And the pur-pur hair! Wait, he had already seen the pur-pur hair. It was still pretty though!

The room was being decorated with nice bright colors and fairy lights. Big him (and Little him) loved those!

“So. What d’ya wanna do?”

Roman turned and looked at Virgil, a tad confused, before shrugging.

“You choo!”

Big me never got to choose. Wow! Fluffy blankets!

The little prince missed the shocked face Virgil had worn at his response, and his confused face before that.

“Disney?”

“Yeah!”

_________________________

Why had the bean looked so confused when I had asked him what he wanted to do?

That was a question that would surely echo throughout Virgil’s mind for the rest of the movie marathon, and most likely after it as well.

Looking to the adorable little royal, Virgil smiled an anxious smile.

I hope he’s okay.

Virgil looked at the wide green eyes, engrossed in whatever the Disney movie at the moment was. He was so small, but that was to be expected of a now fifteen month old baby.

The paper crown slipped down over the prince’s eyes, blocking his view of the film. He huffed and pushed it back up with his tiny hands.

“Need a little help there?”

Vigil was still smiling as the bean harrumphed, rather dramatically.

“No.”

“You sure about that? The crown keeps falling.”

“No.” he retorted, stubborn as ever.

The crown fell again.

This time tears filled the prince’s eyes and he pouted angrily.

“Stay!”

Virgil reached over to fix it, only to have his hand swatted away.

“No! Prin’s don’ nee ‘elp!”

Princes don’t need help? Well that doesn’t seem… healthy. What if the bean isn’t healthy?! Well, its obvious he’s not- he is regressed, but what if- I should probably try to stay calm. For his sake.

It was funny, the literal embodiment of anxiety trying to be calm.

The crown fell again and tears rolled down the youth’s cheeks.

Virgil wrapped his arms around the bean, attempting to comfort him. He did want to find out what the small royal had meant, but he couldn’t bear seeing an upset little royal.

The bean must not be sad!

And so Virgil kept hugging the little prince, trying to ignore the phrase.

Princes don’t need help!

Great, two things that would probably haunt him forever.

_________________________

Roman dried his eyes in VeeVee shirt, already regretting the tears.

He was supposed to make them happy!

Sad=bad!

And so, the petite prince took a deep breath, and cuddled closer to Virgil.

_________________________

Both boys had forgotten about their movie marathon by now, content to just cuddle there forever, but then the baby prince had an idea, an idea that would hopefully make VeeVee happy.

The hoodie itself was reeeeeally nice and soft and fluffy and warm, and the prince wasn’t even wearing it!

If it was that nice on the outside, what it be like on the inside?

And so Roman had two options.

Option one: snuggled inside the jacket against Virgil’s chest,

Or

Option two: snuggled in the hood.

It was a very hard choice to make, but the small royal eventually clambered to the top of the emo’s head, getting ready to drop down into the soft embrace of fabric.

Virgil was extremely confused throughout the whole of it.

Roman giggled, and then he was laying in the warm, warm hood.

Oh look! Pur-pur hair!

And so the prince was cosy and the emo was amused.

“Adorable.”

_________________________

Logan walked into the kitchen the next morning, ready to enjoy his sweet, sweet Crofter’s, when a giggly Roman and a smiling Virgil entered the room.

Now, this would not have struck Logan as odd if it weren’t for the fact that the tiny prince was sitting in the anxious side’s hood, his little arms wrapped around Virgil’s neck.

Logan.exe is experiencing a malfunction. Overload of cuteness has temporarily shut down subject’s brain.

Now, Logan wasn’t a robot, or anything of the sort. He was a metaphysical human being. But in that moment he just ‘couldn’t’.

This is odd, I’ve seen and identified the child as ‘cute’ before. Why am I so overwhelmed by the cuteness now?

Virgil must’ve noticed Logan’s mini meltdown, as he snorted and said “You good there teach?”

“How is he so adorable?”

Virgil was about to respond but got interrupted by the little prince.

“Mama!”

Logan.exe is experiencing a malfunction. Overload of cuteness has temporarily shut down subject’s brain.

Twice in a minute. That was most certainly not normal.

But it wasn’t necessarily bad, either.

________________________

Roman, even as a baby, loved attention, and teasing people. So when he noticed he had a chance to get attention and mess with Mama, of course he would do it.

His spot in Virgil’s hood was very comfortable though.

It could wait until after breakfast.

The little prince hugged Virgil’s neck tighter, and pointed at the jar of Crofter’s next to Logan.

Well, he could still mess with Logan from up here.

________________________

You were literally fifteen months old, and yet you still felt the need to be annoying?

Hey! I didn’t want to be annoying, I just wanted to mess with you.

Sure.

And also eat your Crofter’s.

As you would usually say, heathen.

________________________

“You shouldn’t be eating this. Too much sugar could be detrimental for your teeth.”

Logan, in the end, gave in to the whims of the adorable little child and let him eat the jam.

…

Logan and Virgil were mostly silent throughout the meal, happy to listen to the small royal’s babbling.

And then there was a tug.

The left brain boys had completely forgotten about Thomas.

Virgil looked to the logical side, panic evident in his expression.

“What the fuck do we do?”

Logan had on a similar expression.

“The more pertinent question is do we tell him?”

“Tell him what?”

“About Roman. He doesn’t know that sides regress.”

“He doesn’t!?”

“No.”

“How come I thought he did?”

“You were usually the regressed side.”

“That doesn’t mean anythi-”

Another tug.

Roman let out a whimper.

One of them had to go, but the other had to stay with the prince.

“Roman can’t sink down, he isn’t touching the floor.”

“Guys!”

They heard Thomas’s voice this time.

And so, in a heat of the moment decision, Virgil gently but quickly lifted the bean out of his hood, handed him to Logan, and sank down.

“I’ll come up with an excuse!”

_________________________

Logan sighed, and looked to the petite prince now in his arms.

“No he won’t.”

The scaled-down side nodded his head in agreement.

Logan smiled at him and with a quick flick of the wrist, summoned a book.

It was a small picture book with a few words littered throughout.

The nerd knew that normal fifteen month olds would not be able to read at all, but they weren’t exactly real, and so didn’t follow the ‘natural process’ of aging accurately.

Roman squealed as the book landed in front of him, a golden light illuminating his tiny features.

Wait a… gold light? Where is that coming from?

Very odd.

A few moments later the princely side, after being few pages in, started humming.

And then there were birds.

And rabbits.

And squirrels.

And deer.

Where are all of these coming from? Should I be concerned?

Logan stared incredulously at the child, who didn’t seem to notice his new company.

Curious.

…

And then the humming stopped.

Logan, who had summoned his own book to read, looked up to see a frown on the youthful side’s face as he seemingly struggled to read a word.

“Do you require any assistance?”

The royal shook his head fiercely.

“No! Prin’s don’ nee ‘elp!”

Oh. Oh dear.

“Why not?” Logan decided to say, in a deliberately soft voice.

“B-b-bi’ me!”

Big him?

Logan was tempted to get another side’s help, but decided against it.

He could help the child himself.

“You should never be ashamed of needing help, Roman. Everyone needs it sometimes, even me.”

Roman looked up at him with tear filled eyes.

“Rea’y?”

Logan smiled.

“Yes, your highness, it is true.”

The miniscule royal frowned.

“Bi’ me ner g’elp…”

Logan was having a tough time translating.

“Big you never wanted to get help?”

The prince shook his head.

“Go’ elp.”

“Big you never got help?”

Roman nodded.

Did he not?

“How come?”

“Asd, bu no.”

“He asked but no?”

The royal nodded again.

That is quite concerning.

“No’n elp ‘im, so no nee’ elp!”

Logan really needed a dictionary.

“No one helped him, so ‘no need help’?”

“Ee d-d’ided no nee’ elp.”

“He decided he didn’t need help?”

“Ya!”

Well.

Logan definitely needed to have a long, possibly uncomfortable discussion with the rest of the sides.

As Virgil would so eloquently put it, ‘We fucked up.”

_______________________

In Remus’s room, the day before…

Remus had joined the conversation with Logan and Patton after Virgil and his RoBro left.

He had also found out everything that had happened.

And he was not happy.

_______________________

Janus was happy.

Very happy, in fact.

The slimy snek boy knew it had literally been a day since it happened, but still.

He had gotten accepted!

He had revealed his name!

And it was great. Extremely freeing to know that he finally had nothing more to fear.

Except Roman. Except Virgil.

He pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind.

He was Denial after all.

No one has spoken to you since then. Not even Patton.

He pushed those away too.

Happy. Happy. Happy.

You were too harsh.

He forced out a smirk and ignored it.

All he did was call your name stupid.

Happy. Happy.

He didn’t even mean it. You know when people are lying, and he was.

Happy.

He didn’t mean it, but you did.

Jesus Christ Superstar!

All Janus wanted was to be happy and feel nice feelings after being accepted!

These thoughts were pushing through an indestructible wall of denial, something only Remus could d-

Remus.

You and I are going to have a problem.

____________________

In Remus’s room, the day before…

Patton had been happy to chat with Remus as well as Logan, (or so he told himself) and so when the Duke had asked what had happened with him and Roman, he had been fine with telling him.

Well, would have been.

Logan had interjected before the moral side had had a chance to open his mouth, and Patton inwardly shrugged and listened.

It seemed so much worse when you put it like that.

And so when he had seen Remus’s stormy expression, he had been worried.

Well, shit.

______________________

Thank you for reading this chapter of the Petite Prince!

Another competitor has joined the arena!

Also before you say (if anyone was going to say anything) ‘oh my god! Patton swore!’ I personally do hc Patton as someone who swears. Not like ‘oh god’ or anything like that, but since Thomas swears, I think all of the sides do.

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

snake!Nino AU

this is a bullet fic rewrite of Desperada featuring my love for Nino (I’m not anti-Luka by the way I just like the potential softness of this AU, I have like.... I have like... twenty-fi... 25,913 different takes on Desperada and this is just my newest one)

—Nino is on board the Liberty with everyone else just chilling and vibing with Luka because he loves music too; he plays the violin because I said so and he’s just in the background tuning it and looking low-key sad while the whole “Luka flirts with Marinette and teaches her guitar” thing happens.

—When Kagami and Adrien show up, Nino is just absolutely ecstatic that Adrien was finally able to get out of the house, and he LIGHTS UP and is like “omg!!! You’re here!!! Is this Kagami!!! It’s so nice to finally meet you, you’re my sibling now, no take-backs.”

—And Alya is like “hey Adrien can I talk to you for a second,” so he stays there while Nino just drags Kagami off to show her his instrument and talk to her and she’s like “omg this guy is A LOT” but you can tell she’s happy that someone is paying attention to her

—Meanwhile, Alya is just trying so hard to get Adrien to talk to Marinette, and she’s just like “hmmm is someone a little jealous of Luka?” And Adrien is just like “no lol I’m fine with just playing piano, different people have different skills, I’m happy for him that he knows how to play the guitar.” And Alya is like “facepalms”

—Meanwhile, Marinette is still just panicking as she frantically glances back and forth between Luka and Adrien and Kagami and is just internally keysmashing

—so at this point, we’re only like 2 minutes into the episode, it all happened fast and Marinette hasn’t had time to react

—All of a sudden they’re interrupted by the sound of arguing above deck

—Which is, of course, Jagged Stone begging Anarka to play guitar for him

—She refuses, and Jagged sees Marinette and asks her if she knows any guitar players

—Marinette’s still just panicking and Nino is like “oh no my girl is having an anxiety” and so he just kinda gently steps in like “hey Jagged, I don’t play guitar but I can DJ and help mix music together if that helps”

—and Jagged’s like “you know what, what the heck, sure, I’ll take it, you can be my new partner” and Marinette is still just trying to cool down and stop panicking

—When, whoops, Desperada shows up out of nowhere, and is like “Jagged Stone!!! I can’t believe you’re trying to replace me!!” And she tries to zap Nino into dust, but Kagami, being an idiot who bonded with him already, just leaps in front of him and gets turned to dust instead.

—Cue the chaos where she tries to zap everyone who has an instrument, including Luka and Anarka, while also specifically going after Nino

—and Nino being a dumb self-sacrificial idiot sees Desperada almost get Alya (who’s trying to get footage of the Akuma battle of course) so Nino just starts playing his violin to get Desperada’s attention

—she almost gets him, but Adrien tackles Nino to the ground at the last second (the violin breaks and it’s very sad) and then helps him up and pulls him behind a corner, Alya sees them and starts sneaking around and shows up beside them a few seconds later

—Ladybug, who just transformed, spots them and hurries over, helping them make their way safely to the sewers, but Alya’s an idiot and is like “gotta stay and film” so it ends up being just Nino and Adrien down there

—Ladybug calls up her Lucky Charm and it goes like canon, she realizes she needs extra help so she runs over to Fu and picks up the snake miraculous (though she does seriously consider the turtle for a second because a shield would be nice, she’s not sure if 5 minutes would be enough time to figure out how to defeat Desperada, and then they’d be out of luck

—meanwhile, Adrien is like “hey Nino you should hide in here I’ll totally hide for real too” and Nino’s like “are you stupid I’m not going to hide in a locker, Alya’s in danger up there, they got Kagami who’s my sister now, I don’t make the rules”

—but the thing is, Ladybug just went get a miraculous for backup, and Nino is also trying to avoid suspicion and be like “Hey Adrien, you should hide down here though, it’d be a good idea if you were out of the way and safe and I was alone with Ladybug for a brief amount of time for NO REASON don’t ask questions”

—so they’re still just having a very dodgy argument in the locker room when Ladybug shows up and is like “screw it I’m not gonna come up with an excuse. Adrien, here’s the snake miraculous, congratulations”

—And Nino is like “aaaaAaaAaA oh my gosh!!! Adrien, you’re a superhero now!!! This is so cool!!!” And just fanboys his little heart out and Adrien is like “haha yay” but like it’s hard to be panicking about this when Nino is so happy

—Plagg doesn’t even get a chance to argue because everyone is in the room at the same time; Adrien just transforms into Aspik and they start going

—and things go similar to canon BUT Nino keeps being dumb and trying to sacrifice himself for Adrien because he’s stupid like that and I love him, and also, Nino’s presence gives Marinette something else to think about so she’s slightly less flustered because Nino is at least a normal person, (also it stops Adrien from flirting with Ladybug as much because not only is he like “Ladybug stop dying” he’s also like “Nino ST OP” because Nino just gets disintegrated every time he takes his eyes off of him

—so because Marinette is panicking less she’s also spending a lot more time being like “where the H E C K is my dumb kitty cat, where I S he?”

—So Adrien’s still suffering (TM) but he realizes a lot sooner that this isn’t working and he needs to just detransform to talk to Plagg because he’s having anxiety because so many things are happening all at once (oh also Alya shows up in a couple of loops and gets vaporized a couple of times too)

—So anyways he finally restarts the loop and is like “I’m done, I can’t do this, being a hero is Too Much Stress for me I guess,”

—and of course, he hands the miraculous off to Nino, because 1) it’s Nino 2) Adrien feels like Nino’s been doing a better job of paying attention to Desperada and protecting them during time loops than Adrien has (which isn’t necessarily true but Adrien is a self-deprecating idiot) 3) Nino is the only other person there

—So Nino is like trying to hug Adrien and tell him it’s going to be okay because Adrien is crying actual tears but Adrien’s like “nope gotta go be elsewhere whoops”

—Marinette’s like “hey Nino I guess you can be the snake, your FIRST MIRACULOUS EVER WINK WINK and Nino’s like HAHA YEP NEVER SEEN ONE OF THESE BEFORE IN MY LIFE

—Adrien runs off and apologizes to Plagg and Chat Noir shows up a moment later

—Nino notices how much less flustered Ladybug is by Chat Noir than by Adrien and is like "oh worm?" and probably brings it up with Adrien at the end of the episode

—they all fight side by side

—Nino realizes that he needs to provide a distraction so Ladybug and Chat Noir can take Desperada by surprise, so he uses his DJing skills to start blasting music over the liberty’s speakers

—They win,

—Ladybug is like “I couldn’t have done it without you Chat Noir I love you I mean haha nothing”

—Chat Noir fanboys over snake!Nino and is like “you’re my hero omg”

—epic three-sided “pound it”

—Marinette uses the miracle cure to put everything back to norma

—Adrien shows up soon and Nino just RUSHES over to him to say that he definitely did amazing and just showers him with love and support and Adrien just showers compliments back at Nino and asks for his autograph

—Kagami shows up again a few minutes later and is super awkwardly like “what do I do now” and Nino is like “come over here you’re one of the bros” and they just chill and have fun and Nino just starts showing them his SoundCloud

—Marinette still feels guilty for panicking earlier in the morning and is like “I gotta fix this” so she talks to Jagged and is like “btw Luka is a very good guitar player, you should talk to him”

—Vivica (aka desperada) gets her job with Jagged back and she and Luka end up talking because of it and they start bonding over their love for guitars and Vivica offers to let Luka be a guest in their performance and to give him more professional guitar lessons and he’s like “holy hecking yes”

—Marinette is like “problem solved I guess but now what do I do? Oh no, Adrien and Kagami are being happy together over there”

—Alya is like “go talk to them” and Marinette’s like “I can’t what if I panic” and Alya’s like “fine I’ll talk to them first” and she just flops down next to Nino and starts joking along with them

—Marinette follows a little bit later and immediately Kagami is like “Marinette you’re so amazing, I didn’t know you were friends with Jagged Stone? Adrien was telling me you designed his album cover? That’s incredible I wish I could be as talented as you” and Marinette’s just like “omg Kagami is not evil?? Who knew??”

—The episode ends with Marinette trying to act as normal as she can around Adrien and then Alya’s like “hey Kagami I gotta show you the photos I took of the Akuma fight. Nino, you should come too” and she just winks at Marinette and Marinette’s like “oh no I am alone with Adrien”

—but then Adrien is just like, “I wish I could be part of the Ladyblog, Ladybug is so cool *dreamy face* and Marinette just dies immediately

—they're all happy and everyone gets love and support; the end

[poguesofthebau]

hi! if youre still doing them can i get a ship? my name is sam, im a straight female and i have brown eyes with kinda long brown hair. im about 5'7. im pretty quiet unless im with friends although i can be very talkitive, im very sarcastic. at times i can be stubborn. i care a lot about other peoples feelings and opinions more than i probably should. lowkey a hopeless romantic. i mostly listen to pop and sometimes rock music. i like to draw, watch movies, and hang with friends.

first and foremost... i love your blog. okay now let the ship begin :)

i ship you with jj!! (honorary mention: a lot of the time, you’d seek refuge in pope. aside from jj, pope matched your energy the best of all the pogues, and you often found yourself plopping down next to him on a log at the Boneyard when jj was being annoying, or on the couch in The Chateau when jj wouldn’t get out of the hammock after the nap you’d taken together, or in the back of the van when jj insisted on riding shotgun instead of kie for once. you and pope would just be like... bros. half the time you had super quiet conversations that no one else could hear until one of you burst out laughing. then jj would make a sarcastic comment about pope stealing his girl, and john b would make one about the two of you secretly plotting to dismantle the government or something)

you would be the pogue who insisted on a weekly movie night every thursday during the summer. in your mind, there was no excuse for any of the pogues to miss it, and because they knew how much it meant to you, none of them ever did miss it. eventually, these movie nights led to you and jj’s relationship, so he liked to tell everyone who asked that you made the first move. (not directly true, but we all know how convincing of an argument jj could make, no matter how absurd the lie.) the first few times you guys met up at The Chateau for movie night, summer had barely even started. school had ended on a thursday night, and all five of you had gone straight to john b’s after last period, immediately breaking out the celebratory beers and joints before settling in a few hours later for a movie. the entire time, jj would be snuggled up right beside you, arm tossed around your shoulders, whispering little comments about the film in your ear every few minutes. you’d laugh quietly when he started ranting to you about how much of a rip off the movie re-make you were watching was, and the tiny giggle you let out was apparently enough to light a fire among the pogues. john b and pope were convinced that the two of you secretly had something going on, and, no matter how much you both brushed it off, you knew the taunting and teasing was there to stay for the summer.

unsurprisingly, you were right. john b and pope wouldn’t let it go. the following day, the first official day of summer, the five of you would spend the day on the hms pogue, swimming and fishing and drinking and laughing. when jj grabbed you by the waist, both of you laughing loudly and uncontrollably, and dragged you off the boat and into the water with him, the other boys started up again. “jesus christ, jj, at least act like you’re not desperate!” john b would call as you and jj paddled around to the other side of the boat. “i know, dude,” pope would jump in. “just because you’re in the water now, doesn’t mean you washed the love off your face.” you’d snort at that, jj throwing his friends the finger. kie simply sat there, observing the interaction between her friends with a smirk. she, too, had her own little theory that jj felt some special kind of way about you, but she was holding on to it until she could get one of you alone to discuss it. little did you know, she actually would get jj alone the next day. after your day on the water, everyone would return to their respective homes to clean up and get a good night’s sleep before the first saturday night Boneyard party of the summer. the next afternoon, when kie and jj both coincidentally arrived at jb’s at the same time, she saw her opportunity. “hey, by the way,” kie would say after greeting the blonde, pulling him back by the shoulder with a sweet, sarcastic smile. “how long have you been in love with sam?” his face would pale for a second, but just as he regained his composure to jab back at her, you were stepping out of the Chateau with a grin on your face. “who’s ready to fuck the Boneyard up this summer? come on, losers, me and john b already started pregaming!” with one last knowing grin thrown at jj, kie was scurrying up the stairs and grabbing a beer and getting the party started. that night, jj got totally sloshed and fully confessed his feelings to kiara. he also made her swear on the pogues not to leak his secret before he could confess it to you.

so a few more weeks would go by, jj and kie both keeping his secret perfectly. they’d have short interactions of just the two of them, where the two would gush like teenage girls over the cute thing you’d said to jj one afternoon, or how beautiful you looked in that one sundress you’d worn for a day of hanging around at john b’s. during all the following movie nights, jj would be sure to save you a seat next to him on the couch, always slyly putting that arm around you and telling you little fun facts about the films you’d watch. eventually you caught on to jj and kie’s behavior, and how sneaky they were being. on top of that, you finally admitted to yourself how special jj made you feel. funny enough, you’d wind up confiding in pope and john b about your newfound feelings for the reckless blonde. there’d be one day a few weeks into the summer when kie had to work at The Wreck and jj had to work at the kook hotel, but the rest of you had the day off, so you, pope, and jb would take the boat out for a chill day of fishing and tanning. you’d be laying out on the front of the boat, pope in the driver’s seat and john b throwing a net out to try to catch something for dinner. (the vibes that i am imagining on this boat... immaculate. something about pope x john b seems so comfortable and just literally vibey to me idk but i love it.) you’d have your eyes closed and a hand thrown over your face to block out the sun as you chatted with the boys, and eventually the topic would flow over to jj. “i dunno, i think him and kie might kind of have a thing or something,” you’d admit, disappointment prominent and obvious in your voice. “which, like, i don’t really care, but it’s just kind of... i don’t know.” pope would be looking at you from his spot on the boat, a slightly concerned look on his face. john b would just shrug, shaking his head a little as he spoke despite your eyes being closed. “i don’t really think it’s serious. i’ve noticed them like, whispering a little, too, i guess, but i don’t think it’s a big deal.” you’d sigh at john b’s words, your hand falling from your face as you flipped onto your side to look at your boys. “can i just admit something to you guys? but it has to stay on this boat. no kie, and no jj. this is between the three of us only. promise?” john b would draw an invisible cross over his heart as pope raised his right hand and gave you a quick scout’s honor. “it’s stupid, but i just thought maybe jj had a little thing for me. so with all this kie shit, i’m just kind of confused.” pope’s eyes would widen and john b’s eyebrows would raise. “seriously, do not repeat what i just said. i will kill you both.” “maybe you should just tell jj before either of us get the chance, then,” john b would offer. you’d roll your eyes, laying flat on your back again. “no, seriously,” pope would agree. “just because he’s been spending some extra time with kie doesn’t mean he feels that way about her. maybe they’re talking about you all the time. you never know.” although you didn’t know that pope’s idea was actually the truth, it really got you thinking.

the next thursday on movie night, you decided to sit between pope and john b instead of snuggling into jj’s side. it seemed like a harmless change to the other three pogues, but you could see jj burning up inside. he sat through the entire movie with his jaw locked, grinding his teeth when he heard you mumble something to john b about the movie. by the time the film was over, jj was about to explode, and everyone noticed. “you good, buddy?” john b would ask twenty minutes later when he saw jj’s knuckles going white from how tight his grip on his beer was. he’d glare at his friend before turning to you. “can you come outside with me for a second?” you’d glance at pope in a panic before quickly nodding and standing. jj stormed out of the house in front of you, dropping into a hammock and running a hand through his hair as you nervously followed. “what’s up?” you’d timidly ask. while your voice was steady, your mind was running a mile a minute. he knows. he hates me. i should’ve known not to tell the boys. with their big fucking mouths, they probably-- “do you have a thing for john b, or something?” you were stunned out of your thoughts, freezing where you stood at the (seemingly impossible) question. “why would you think that?” you’d finally ask, jj letting out a puff of air. “i-- can you just answer the question?” you’d shake your head, causing him to sigh. “then why’d you sit next to him? you always sit with me on movie night.” you’d shrug, shuffling your feet and avoiding eye contact. “i dunno. i thought you’d wanna sit with kie.” there was a moment of silence then, and you could’ve sworn you felt your friendship dying. you were gonna lose jj, because of some stupid crush, and you were going to absolutely break over it. “you’re an idiot,” jj would mumble under his breath after thinking for a few moments. as you looked at him, completely puzzled by his words, he was standing swiftly from the hammock and approaching you quickly. “such a fucking idiot, sam.” those would be his last words before his hands were suddenly on the sides of your face, tucking your hair behind your ears, his lips kissing you. barely seconds into the kiss, you heard whooping and screaming from behind you. when you pulled back from jj, he was smirking, raising his middle finger once again to pope, john b, and kie, who were all standing in the door of the Chateau, cheering you on. you, however, were still confused beyond belief, unable to move your eyes from him. he finally looked back to you, still smiling. “are you okay?” he’d laugh, tucking another stray hair behind your ear. “what was that?” he’d tilt his head at you, smile now replaced by a smitten look. “i thought-- i thought you and kie--” you simply shook your head in place of words, causing jj to laugh. “i told you you’re an idiot. every time i was with kie, it was to talk about you.” your jaw dropped at that, and you spun to face your friends. “pope, you fucking genius! you were right!” as per usual. pope was always right, especially when it came to his best friends.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: alright? Janis: grand Janis: and you, mate? Jimmy: you know me Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but actually Janis: told you he weren't too bad Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: expected worse Janis: Only acceptable if you basing that off Gracie Janis: if not, piss off 😂 Jimmy: she's the only other one I've met Jimmy: know they can't compare to you, Joanne, don't worry Janis: 💕 Janis: #peakromance Janis: not gonna force you to meet them Janis: I'd have to be there too and fuck that, like Jimmy: don't reckon that gets you out of family dinner with mine though Jimmy: challenge already been accepted ages ago Janis: try to be on time when it happens, like Janis: also not drag you off to you room 'forehand, like Janis: 😇 me Jimmy: good job you're a decent actress then 'cause I need you to do the opposite of everything you just said Janis: and multitasker 💪🥇 Jimmy: kids, dog, hippie bro & dickhead boyfriend being juggle like a pro Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: you know it, babe Janis: get everyone 😍 by the end like the people pleaser I am 😏 Jimmy: I know you're good with your hands Jimmy: so makes sense Jimmy: & you're one down on the 😍 Janis: 😳 boy Jimmy: I said I'm already 😍 stop looking so Janis: That's your fault Janis: trying to give me those shag flashbacks right now Janis: you know what you did Jimmy: If I have to have 'em every time I look at you, take your share, girl Jimmy: that's your fault Jimmy: you did what you did Janis: I know what I did Janis: and I regret nothing Janis: 😈 Jimmy: I regret needing sleep & having to stop Janis: I'm glad I could help you get a good night's though Janis: still got a 2 weeks of holiday, plenty of time Jimmy: still alive Jimmy: was touch & go for a bit though Jimmy: like you said, you know what you're doing Janis: Don't die Janis: be proper 💔 if you leave me with these cunts Janis: by which I mean the town, not current company aka your sibs, not that rude Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: take ghosting you to a new level Janis: honestly Janis: do not need to go that hard Janis: not gonna hunt you down and go all Mia on yo ass Jimmy: & I do need to touch you Jimmy: can't if I'm a ghost, can I? Janis: pretty sure patrick swayze fucked that girl as a ghost in that one film, no Janis: very least was jacking her off Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: movie magic don't count Jimmy: ain't never seen a sex scene worthy with two living characters Jimmy: not on our level Janis: so true Janis: but you're killing me here Jimmy: nowt like the payback you should get Jimmy: but a start Janis: can't do that yet Janis: gotta have a wholesome day out first Janis: 😏 aren't you thrilled Jimmy: can't fit a whole orchestra in this van Jimmy: I'll have to be Janis: Me too Janis: be a laugh Janis: or I ain't getting my callback, I remember Jimmy: if it was just us it'd be something Jimmy: but can't chuck the kids or dog out Jimmy: my dad's pissed off enough at me Janis: You don't know your way 'round yet so bit of a cheek tippin' 'em roadside like make your own way back, lads Janis: did he have a 'chat' with you this morning? Janis: didn't hear I was way out, like Jimmy: yeah 🙄🙄 Jimmy: he's a fan of the low tones anyway, reckons its more intimidating Janis: hmm 👌 Janis: you could already best him and do in everything else too so bit tragic Jimmy: 🎭 weren't passed down from him Jimmy: can't hide that he's basically given up Jimmy: or pretend that we ain't 🥊 before Janis: Wanker Janis: bet he didn't even check if the kids were up and listening or nah Janis: 👍 A+ Jimmy: nowt they ain't heard or seen before Jimmy: Cass has smacked me 'cause she's seen him do it Jimmy: & cause she knows I can't give her one back 🙄 bit rude Janis: That's shit Janis: 'cos how are you stopping that now Jimmy: rather it's me than some dickhead at school or wherever who could smack her back Jimmy: she don't know how to stop when she starts Janis: Yeah, I get that Janis: my Uncle works down community centre and I know they do martial arts shit that doesn't cost a bomb to do Janis: Might help, she'd rate that regardless, yeah? Jimmy: proper anger management's off the table & she'd be more about signing up to that kind of shit anyway Jimmy: tah 👍 Jimmy: could even make some mates maybe Janis: Yeah they'd be on her level like Janis: I'll bring it up if I get the chance, won't seem like your idea then 'cos gotta be anti anything you suggest, obvs Jimmy: You're so Jimmy: I really fucking like you Jimmy: I'd kiss you but I don't know how to stop when I start either Janis: Not gonna enroll you in any classes though Janis: I like losing control with you Jimmy: I've noticed Janis: Should hope so 😏 Jimmy: looking at me like that's a decent reminder too Jimmy: if I did need Janis: I like looking at you too Janis: is this how it is, yeah? Janis: went nearly 16 whole years without and now I can't go a minute without thinking 'bout it Jimmy: it's how it is, me & you Jimmy: throwing my ex under the wheels of this van with how that sounds Jimmy: but she'd agree Janis: #special Jimmy: yeah Janis: I'd believe it Jimmy: you should Jimmy: you are Jimmy: not only 'cause you're weird Janis: you still gonna call me weird when you've met Iggy Janis: Really Jimmy: #only got eyes for you Janis: 😂 nice save Jimmy: he's alright Jimmy: rather serve him than your sister Janis: Agreed, though might ask for some weird ass tea and have you and Pete scratching your heads like Jimmy: gotta support my fellow starving artists Jimmy: even if it pisses me off that he is one for real Jimmy: better than me Janis: Shut up Janis: completely different styles, they ain't comparable Jimmy: you can't make me right now, darling Janis: 😒 don't try me, darling Jimmy: if you gotta try you've already lost, Julie Janis: well guess who's not getting an ice cream now Janis: clue, it ain't Twix Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I get it, you couldn't handle having to see me eat it Jimmy: I'm hot & know what I'm doing, deal with it, girl Janis: Deal with me Jimmy: put the dog down first Jimmy: didn't sign up to deal with her too Janis: soz babe, I asked him but it's a no go Janis: 🤷 Janis: 🐶💔 Jimmy: seriously come here though Janis: sure? Jimmy: go on Janis: [Sits on the floor between his legs so her head in his knee] Janis: hey Jimmy: [plays with her hair for a bit 'cause safe touching please lads there are children present] Janis: Jim why does that feel so nice what the fuck Jimmy: If I was a dickhead I'd say I'm just that good Janis: Go on then Janis: Just don't stop okay Jimmy: I told you, not good at stopping once I've started Janis: Almost a shame we've not got the long train journey now I could stay like this the whole time Jimmy: we've still got the journey back Janis: True Jimmy: can I take it down or would you be 💔? Jimmy: I'll put every hair back how I found it, not an animal Janis: You like it down, don't you Janis: it'll be a mess but 'course who am I to deny Jimmy: I just like it Jimmy: whatever it's doing Janis: You're cute Janis: Good thing I didn't let Gracie convince me to get it straightened then Jimmy: as long as you didn't throw a strop anytime I came near if you had Jimmy: loads of girls get real mardy about it Janis: White girls acting like that is mad Janis: least she's just tryna stop you leaving with a hank of hers, like, shit's no joke Jimmy: I was trying to get with this girl at a party once, white 'cause yeah it's the north she'd barely let me touch her 'cause she'd spent so long getting dolled up to drink in someone's garden Janis: Surely that's the entire point of parties or have I got that wrong suddenly like what Janis: look but don't touch, babe Jimmy: this is why you're weird & I like you Jimmy: not to become a # of not like other girls or whatever Janis: it's alright the sisterhood of #girlbossessupportinggirlbosses and #queensfixeachotherscrowns have no time or respect for me anyway so may as well go there, fuck you bitches Janis: I'm great you ain't Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll be happy to hear the look but don't touch girl got her heels stuck in the grass Jimmy: turned her ankle right over Janis: 😂 Janis: That genuinely does please me Janis: what a judgmental bitch am I right Jimmy: made me laugh when I found out Jimmy: already left the party by then Janis: 😍 PLEASE Janis: don't be so hot, family present 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her anyway which Cass would be OTT grossed out about just to be a dick lol] Janis: excuse you Janis: here to make friends not enemies rn Jimmy: 'scuse you Jimmy: you know how I feel about that word Janis: okay but you started it Jimmy: where & when? Janis: by being all antisocial and #relatable before I even knew you so there and then, boy Jimmy: I reckon you started it Jimmy: Looking so Jimmy: & tasting so fucking Janis: Baby Janis: You're making this so hard, Jesus Jimmy: You Jimmy: You're making it hard Janis: [Sneaky moving her head into his lap back 'cos well] Jimmy: I told you we should have just stayed in bed Janis: Mmm, well when we're back in there you can remind me why we stay extra hard Jimmy: You know I'm too northern to have that much patience Jimmy: can't your brother make a stop? be oscar worthy & act like the dog needs a piss Janis: You're just gonna tease me and make concentrating even harder, aren't you? Jimmy: as much as I can tease you without saying fuck it & Janis: 😖 Janis: and fuck it Janis: hold on then Jimmy: doing my best Janis: This is entirely your fault Jimmy: alright Jimmy: it can be my fault Janis: I mean Janis: Still blame Twix, you don't need me to come hold your hand if you need a piss, like Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: Really feel it 😏 Jimmy: sometimes but not right now Jimmy: Just gimme even a few minutes Jimmy: I'll say the word if it makes your mind up Janis: Go on then Jimmy: please just Jimmy: get us out of here for a sec Janis: [Be more obvious lads] Jimmy: I'm not gonna say tah & make it weird Janis: Face 😳 enough as is, babe Jimmy: yeah Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: are you coming back to sit with me or you got what you wanted now & it's a nah? Janis: Charming finding out what you think of me, boy 👌 Jimmy: not an answer is it, though Janis: [Sits with him but brings Twix 'cos she fussy] Jimmy: ['fixes' her hair but like actually 'cause he probably did mess it up soz babe] Janis: Gonna have people thinking exactly what we've been doing Jimmy: don't matter, does it? Janis: Nah Janis: no one knows me here Jimmy: [begrudgingly also strokes twix's head too 'cause squad] Jimmy: how long 'til we get there? Janis: [Smug face] Janis: not long at all but shh Twix couldn't hold it Jimmy: if you saw our kitchen floor of a morning you'd believe it Janis: sexy Janis: weren't even arsed 'bout me like just being a dutiful dog owner okay Jimmy: come on, anyone who knows me would believe THAT Janis: good thing no one 'round here does so we continue to be #goals Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I am #goals Janis: I know, it's me that ain't Janis: dragging you down 'fore you had a chance, 'tis rude Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 🤷 not jumping out a moving vehicle, soz Jimmy: [pulls her closer instead 'cause that's what he actually wants] Jimmy: stop Janis: Just saying, like Jimmy: keep saying and I will shut you up, whatever Cass wants to reckon 'bout it Janis: 🤐 Janis: for her sake only Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: just 'cause I'm not part of the making mates mission Jimmy: that'd probably win Cass over though actually so carry on Janis: Always thinking, mate 😏 Jimmy: hang on I'm friendzoned again 👌 Janis: you were clearly feeling left-out Jimmy: & no room for an orchestra Jimmy: gotta do what you gotta do Janis: Exactly Janis: Knew you'd understand Jimmy: very understanding me Janis: gotta be to put up with me init Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: what's the trouble, Jenna? Janis: What? Jimmy: you're clearly feeling less than 🥇 Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: what Janis: It's nothing Janis: I'm just Janis: trying to get your siblings to not hate me and it's a bit stressful, idk how to do that, I don't do that usually Jimmy: thank fuck for that Jimmy: not that's its stressful Jimmy: but I thought I did something wrong Janis: 'course not, you've been your usual dickhead self, you know I like that Jimmy: don't worry 'bout 'em Jimmy: there's nowt more you can do Jimmy: they were well excited to come today Jimmy: still gotta be Janis: they ain't gotta be my besties I ain't that tryhard bitch but I'm not tryna fuck shit up either like, that's all I want 'em to know Jimmy: Cass' only got a cob on 'cause she reckons now we're going out I'm gonna fuck off Jimmy: like I'll just move myself into your country mansion, rich girl Jimmy: it already pisses her off that I gotta work all the hols & leave her looking after Bobbo Janis: it's fine, they've not done anything to me, not saying that either just you know, again, not something I usually do Janis: makes sense Janis: a lot on you all howeever you work it Janis: welcome to, my Ma'd love it, new kiddos, I'll move in with and awkwardly avoid your Da, it's cool Jimmy: band-aid babies don't fix shit there's a # to get trending Jimmy: if my dad's gonna have twitter might as well make use Jimmy: least he did get the snip after tah for doing that much dad Janis: yikes, and I thought I should feel unloved being the bonus ball Janis: fucking parents, full of great ideas, in theory Jimmy: is gracie older than you? Janis: 🙄 I know, when she's such a #beta bitch in every way Jimmy: I'm so embarrassed for her Jimmy: I thought she was the bonus ball & that was her issue Jimmy: oh girl Janis: She fronts like she was so left out so unsurprising Jimmy: least she ain't first & worst 🏆 for me that Janis: Thank God for all our sakes Janis: easily rival you in dickheadness, would not survive Jimmy: piss off could she Jimmy: I'm #1 Janis: #1 in my heart, babe 😍😂 Jimmy: alright, calm down, Juliet Jimmy: I ain't gonna throw myself in the sea Janis: gutted Janis: no Mr Darcy moment Jimmy: unless Mia shows up with her iced frappe Janis: we're putting nothing past her Janis: knows my location at all times, obvs Jimmy: reckon she's implanted a tracker on you Jimmy: gonna have to thoroughly check later Jimmy: remind me Janis: 🤤 Janis: save me, babe Jimmy: 💪 Janis: how are you so hot when you're such a nerd though 🤔 Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: if you'd known who I am before these hols you'd know that ain't true Jimmy: basically ⬇ all my classes Janis: just in personality, then Janis: nah Janis: you ain't thick Jimmy: again, piss off Jimmy: #notthicknorthern Janis: 😂 Janis: exactly baby, just the accent, everyone like ?? Jimmy: my old school had like one book & a bike shed 👌 Janis: hot Jimmy: you'd have liked it, the boy was called 'how to be fucking cryptic like the paddys' Jimmy: book* Janis: Sounds useful, shoulda read it, mate Jimmy: told you, don't know how Jimmy: just faking it Janis: I'll tutor you Janis: if it gets me out of Physics Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll get you outta physics babe Janis: #hero Jimmy: like I said, not thick, loads of #talents Janis: Like I said, you mean Janis: 'cos I know Jimmy: consult my # Jimmy: it had the words not thick in it Janis: Don't be a smart ass now I wanna talk more about your talents Jimmy: you wanna talk 'cause you ain't seen enough or 'cause I can't give you a demo right now? Janis: 2nd one, obviously Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause obviously one of] Jimmy: that's where you were wrong but it's alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: you're such a good kisser, you know Jimmy: I'd be 💔 if you didn't reckon so 'cause I wanna kiss you again already Janis: [Kisses him back, soz Cass] Jimmy: that don't count 'cause that's you kissing me Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [really sorry now Cass] Janis: You're pissing her off so much Janis: I'd kill you if you were my Brother Jimmy: don't try & put me off Janis: I've gotta, no more time for a break, like Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: [is just looking at her in the hottest way ever excuse him] Janis: 😳 stop looking at me like that Janis: I can't Jimmy: Cass might wanna kill me but you've got first dibs remember Janis: It's indecent how fucking good you look Janis: like all the things I wanna do to you, just about stopping short of killing, like, fuck me Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: do something Janis: You know I can't stop once I start, you sure? Jimmy: we're almost there Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: You don't wanna be walking around as turned on as I am Janis: [Sits on his lap] See? Jimmy: [has to kiss her to stop whatever sound he was gonna make from coming out 'cause nobody else needs that in their lives] Janis: I'm gonna have to go find a bathroom to touch myself in thinking about you seriously I need to cum before I can function properly you're so Jimmy: but I'm the relatable & antisocial one 👌 Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: if you'd thought about your outfit more I could be touching you right now Jimmy: get it together, girl Jimmy: Jeans Janis: sorry but you did this to me Janis: who knew that's why everyone rates skirts? never mind I was planning for a wholesome day exploring castles and cold beaches excuse you Jimmy: I'm so mad at you Jimmy: goddamn it, Jillian Janis: 😠 Janis: say my actual name dickhead Jimmy: make me, dickhead Janis: fine, Imma go think 'bout someone else, Jimmy who? Jimmy: try it Jimmy: you won't be turned on anymore, problem solved Janis: 😒 Jimmy: [REALLY goes in on kissing her again, sorry everyone] Janis: [Moaning into his mouth with lots of lip biting cos truly Iggy stop the car] Janis: I hate you a bit Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: Maybe but fuck sake why Janis: I ache Jimmy: I can't touch you, it's all I can do Janis: okay but if we get literally five minutes to ourselves you're doing it Janis: I've got blankets for the beach Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: I'll find us loads of time Jimmy: Cass can't wait to get away from me, look Janis: Unsurprised Janis: great first impression I'm making 👌 Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'm trying but Jimmy: I want you Janis: not like I've tried that hard myself Janis: I'll do better 😇 actually Jimmy: not yet Janis: I told you I need to cum before I can function so yeah Janis: not yet Jimmy: find a way now you're 🥇 Jimmy: I'll do my bit Jimmy: [moves her 'cause he likes doing that and is so helpful] Janis: Now? When wasn't I? Jimmy: but really commit to it Jimmy: we don't have that many clothes on Janis: Oh, I see Janis: You can be quiet, can't you? Jimmy: 🤞 as quiet as you on the bus Janis: I hope so Janis: 9 brothers and sisters you learn how to be quiet with these things, especially when so many of them aren't Jimmy: just tell me how you did it & I'll do the exact same 👌 Janis: You wanna hear about all the times I fucked myself 'til I came and no one even noticed? Jimmy: well now I fucking do Jimmy: should we go up the front or is your brother gonna be more mardy than my sister? Janis: He won't notice and if he did Janis: he ain't gonna care much or be able to do anything Jimmy: You could've told me that before Jimmy: I could've been fucking you this whole time Janis: Well like I said, I had good intentions, boy Jimmy: 'scuse you my intentions are REALLY good right now Janis: Okay okay let's move Jimmy: lasses first Janis: how un-you Janis: if it weren't for the lingo Jimmy: alright, shut up Jimmy: I can barely string a sentence together Jimmy: your fault Janis: Tell me to shut up again when you're inside me, I'm gonna need reminding Jimmy: I'm gonna need to tell myself to keep it together when I am so it's not over as soon as Jimmy: very ungoals Janis: I'm not gonna last either Janis: so close it's stupid Jimmy: I want you so much Janis: least this road is bumpy as shit Janis: fuck into me without anyone knowing Jimmy: I change my mind again from whatever it is last was, that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me Janis: I'll update my list Jimmy: come here first Janis: [casual van aerobics okay lads] Janis: Fuck Jimmy: I know Janis: I can feel your dick throbbing inside me your heart is racing as fast as mine Jimmy: might actually die this time Janis: How does it feel this good we're barely moving but every slight jolt is Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: I never done this before but we have to again Janis: Deal Janis: I love fucking you Jimmy: [gotta make him kiss her really hard for a while 'cause he nearly said it & damn] Janis: God Jimmy what have you done to me Jimmy: likewise Janis Janis: Did you feel what happened when you said my name? Janis: that happens every time Jimmy: I'll say it more Janis: I might die then Jimmy: you & me both Janis: You've gotta bite the inside of your lip and cheeks okay Janis: to be really quiet even when you cum Jimmy: it works? Janis: it might bleed Janis: just don't stop, it'll make it better, trust me Jimmy: I do Janis: I trust you too Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: I Janis: It's okay, I'm going to as well Janis: cum for me Jimmy: [kisses her again 'cause how to even do words] Janis: [After] Janis: Should sleep well tonight Jimmy: are you gonna stay? Janis: I don't have to if it's gonna cause hassle Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: 'Course Jimmy: then fuck him Jimmy: we don't even know if he's coming back himself Jimmy: could have a date Janis: Hard life, ain't it? Jimmy: You know Jimmy: back to work tomorrow Janis: You'll love it, Pete can show you how much he's missed you, like Jimmy: no tan lines to show him but plenty of bruises Jimmy: he'll love that Janis: Defs likes his girls pale anyway Jimmy: except you Jimmy: the exception we all make, like Janis: I mean Janis: exactly Jimmy: I care more 'bout how much you're gonna miss me Jimmy: soz pete Janis: 👦💔 Janis: I'll give you the play by play no doubt Janis: always blowing up my phone 😏 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 I'll put classic FM on for him while we sling the lattes Jimmy: I can do radio silence if you want, mate Janis: Would not go dow well with your regulars Janis: though they'd be living for your drama Janis: don't Jimmy: what you on 'bout Mia was born to the funeral march, weren't she? Jimmy: bet she fucks to it too Janis: 😂 Jimmy: is that lad just bones now? Anyone heard from him? Janis: I'll ask around Janis: layabout I am Jimmy: call home if you've still got hands boy Jimmy: what am I on 'bout, the tongue'd be the first thing to go Jimmy: poor bastard Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: pour one out for him Janis: iced americano to go Jimmy: that's a good shout though, do you wanna get a real drink tonight? Jimmy: even if it's just at mine or whatever Janis: Yeah sounds good Janis: I'll stop you from getting hungover if you don't call me a pisshead Jimmy: I'll cook if you don't tell your dad how shit I am Janis: Secret's safe with me Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Be good Janis: find something not shit to watch Janis: horror, of course Jimmy: I reckoned you were telling me to be good then Jimmy: like I was gonna fuck you on the kitchen table if I weren't told Janis: 😂 Janis: I mean how good have you been thus far, not the best track record but Jimmy: If the table was sturdy enough I would Jimmy: flimsy as shit though Jimmy: not trying to kill you like that Janis: Sounding like you got other plans that ain't the ones I know you mean but I'll go with it Janis: don't be poisoning my food when I trust you Jimmy: it might taste that bad Jimmy: but that's #accidental Janis: that's his story and he's sticking to it guv Jimmy: there's a film I wanna show you Jimmy: which sounds like a porno now but Jimmy: 🤞 you'll like it even though it ain't Janis: I look forward to it Janis: you know I'll let you know Jimmy: #northernclassic Jimmy: which is also what they say about Barry's skin flicks Jimmy: but that's another story Janis: 🤢 mate Janis: I cannot pretend to be into Barry, even in his prime Janis: know he's the love of your life but nah Jimmy: I get it, you're all faked out Jimmy: such a slog with me 🎻🎻 Janis: I'm working 'round the clock here, like Jimmy: god bless Janis: gimme a fucking break Jimmy: feck knows I need one 🚬 Janis: You gonna have to wait or go alone or we're looking dead suspect, boy Jimmy: I'll wait Jimmy: #truelove Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Damn Janis: Actually a bit impressed Jimmy: don't know if I'm meant to laugh or be 💔 Janis: Not being a judgy cunt about it Jimmy: #notmymissus Janis: 😒 don't take the piss Jimmy: very un me that Janis: Hmm Jimmy: You look hot when you're trying to pretend you ain't annoyed at me Janis: Who's pretending? We're brawling 🥊 Jimmy: it wasn't a challenge to make it hotter Jimmy: but alright Janis: Stop it Janis: Rude to stare, you know Jimmy: [starts a play fight 'cause he is that dickhead] Janis: Don't feel too bad you lost 😏 Jimmy: that ain't how I feel Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: can't you tell Janis: Yeah Janis: Damn you Jimmy: what did you say, actually a bit impressed? Jimmy: #same Janis: You best not be joking or I'll fuck you up again like 😉 Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Janis: Idk what to say when you're actually cute and Janis: shh Jimmy: I don't know what to say when you keep impressing me, my sister & the dog Jimmy: like its nowt Jimmy: get a smile out of Bobby & I'll really die Janis: 💪 Janis: always aiming for 🥇you know me baby Jimmy: go on then Janis: Um gimme time to prepare, can't rush it he'll be terrified Janis: 'specially as he's about to nod off Jimmy: give him a shoulder to put his head on Jimmy: loves a hug our kid Jimmy: 🐶 gonna beat you to it Janis: That's so fucking cute Jimmy: 📷 Janis: See, she loves yas Jimmy: him maybe, what's not to Janis: She says backatcha bitch what's your problem? Janis: Paraphrasing Jimmy: but I'm a nerd 👌 babe Janis: Bit rude Janis: Ignoring Twix like that Jimmy: stop Jimmy: I'm gonna laugh & wake 'em Janis: Blur your shot too #realpriority #tellmeimwrong #youcant Jimmy: you're such a dickhead Janis: Backatcha Janis: From me this time Jimmy: tah for making sure I knew Jimmy: 💕 Janis: lowkey needs to get her own mans Janis: dead sly coming for mine Jimmy: hang on, ain't I the third wheel? Janis: 😶 Oops Jimmy: sort yourself out, Jasmine Jimmy: bit snide & unholy that Janis: shut up Jimmy: look at Cass Jimmy: trying dead hard not to go too Jimmy: #itscatching Janis: 😎 Janis: success Jimmy: you tired? Janis: Little bit Jimmy: I've got a shoulder you can have Janis: Just the shoulder? Janis: 🤔 Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: & owt else Jimmy: depends how tired you are Jimmy: but whatever you want, you know Janis: 😍🤤😴 Janis: Me dreaming on it Jimmy: come here first Jimmy: I can't stretch that far Janis: Short arse 😋 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Come on babe, you gotta have some tall girl jokes in ya Jimmy: maybe if I weren't thinking 'bout how long your legs are Jimmy: its distracting Janis: Is it? Janis: [Does the Sharon Stone leg cross 'cos nerd] Jimmy: remember when you said you hated me a bit Jimmy: mutual now Janis: Don't be a hater, babe Jimmy: stop Jimmy: or make use of how asleep everyone but your brother is Janis: [Comes over and puts her head on his shoulder to look up at him] Janis: What did you have in mind? Jimmy: [plays with her hair while he's 'thinking'] Janis: It's been a good day, hasn't it Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: even though that should sound fake Janis: No bullshit right now yeah Jimmy: 'course not Janis: Good Janis: I liked it too Jimmy: I like you too much for that shit Janis: We're on the same page Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause they cute] Janis: More please Jimmy: [kisses her harder this time 'cause she said the damn word] Janis: Never stop kissing me Jimmy: I had to, to read that, but alright Janis: Shh I just mean Janis: you know Jimmy: I know Jimmy: same page, yeah? Janis: Yeah Jimmy: But it is your turn Jimmy: not to be a dickhead Janis: My turn to what? Jimmy: kiss me Janis: Oh good Janis: Easy Janis: [Does] Jimmy: [again is too highkey about whenever she kisses him like calm down boy don't wake everyone up] Janis: I love how much you want me Jimmy: It's like I forget how good you are Jimmy: & then remember every time Janis: Not even gonna fake mad at you forgetting because that's the best way to describe it Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: how do you fucking do that? Janis: You're Janis: I don't know, I just wanna make you feel better than you ever have Jimmy: Challenge accepted & blown out the water, girl Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Jimmy: giving you a whole row Janis: 💕 Janis: Up for beating my own record though Janis: every time Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: give it a shot Janis: question is do we risk them waking up or my brother up front Janis: probably doesn't want to ignore me getting fucked twice in a day Jimmy: give him a break Jimmy: they sleep like the dead when they finally do Janis: Yeah? Janis: Let's put that theory to the test Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: Well I was gonna see just how ready you were my own way but if you're sure Jimmy: who am I to refuse you when #inspo strikes Jimmy: do it Janis: Been thinking about this ever since ice cream Jimmy: shit Janis: You taste better Jimmy: You're so much better than me at this silence thing Janis: [Comes up to kiss him to shh] Janis: Be good Jimmy: I'm trying Jimmy: but you're just Janis: Better? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: Glad I got that in writing babe Jimmy: I don't care just don't stop Janis: Won't, this is too much fun Jimmy: It's Janis: I can feel how much you like it, you don't have to tell me Janis: the way you push your hips forward to get deeper, turning me on so much Jimmy: please tell me you've done this before Janis: No Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: I have to leave the country Jimmy: just not now Janis: Don't even think of moving unless it's further into my throat Janis: I told you, I just wanna make you fell good Jimmy: I really wanna hate you at this exact moment Jimmy: but I don't Janis: Why bother Janis: when it feels this good Jimmy: Janis Janis: Oh God Janis: Yes Jimmy? Jimmy: I don't know I just wanted to Janis: Don't worry I am so unbelievably wet for you Jimmy: I wanna taste you too Jimmy: after Janis: After you've cum in my mouth? Jimmy: & when reckon you couldn't be more turned on Janis: Actually going to kill me Janis: Actually don't care Jimmy: me either Jimmy: you can have that first of mine, it's only fair Jimmy: never made a girl cum with just my tongue before Janis: Really? Jimmy: my ex weren't into it Janis: but it feels so Janis: fuck Janis: and if you wanna do it like damn Jimmy: maybe I'm shit at it? feel free to send her your thoughts in a bit Janis: My thoughts will not be cohesive but she's welcome to hear me begging you if she's into that, like Jimmy: mine haven't been all day Jimmy: probably since I met you Janis: What did you think of me when you met me, not personality just looks Jimmy: when I met you or when I first saw you? Janis: You remember when you first saw me Jimmy: #creepyartist Jimmy: sorry Janis: It's nice Janis: I'm just surprised, 'course I remember but there's one of you and however many of us Jimmy: It was a shit lesson & I was doodling Jimmy: which I probably shouldn't tell you turned into you Jimmy: but like Jimmy: weren't gonna draw Mr Lucas was I? Janis: You absolutely should tell me that Jimmy: You wanna see it? Janis: You have it? Jimmy: It's on the page of whatever notes I bothered to do before it Janis: I wanna see it Janis: No wonder everyone fancies you Jimmy: I'll find it when we get back then Jimmy: just don't expect too much Janis: You know I like your doodles Jimmy: but I told you, you're prettier than I can draw you Janis: I don't care, I just like that you did it Jimmy: I'm not gonna date someone who isn't hot even if it's fake Janis: I really didn't think you saw me like that Jimmy: why? Janis: Well you did say you picked me so you wouldn't be tempted Janis: not that I actually expect everyone to fall at my feet but just seemed like an indication, like Jimmy: what was I gonna say? Jimmy: you're really fucking pretty please fake date me Janis: I mean yeah, hindsight Janis: IDK Jimmy: I thought you reckoned I was Jimmy: I don't know Janis: I thought you were like, stupid hot, yeah but then when you didn't take immediate advantage of that, start going out with all the popular girls and hanging with the lads I took more notice Janis: like Janis: I could tell none of that stupid shit mattered to you either but I could hardly come up to you and be like same, like you'd think I was such a dickhead and not in a cute way Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I'm not approachable Jimmy: outside of the CG where they pay me to be Jimmy: it's deliberate Janis: But exactly, me too, hence I didn't, it's like I could work out how it'd go down 'cos of how I would have been if it was the other way 'round Jimmy: it don't matter now Jimmy: you're here Janis: You can tell me to fuck off at any time Janis: it'll only be a bit shit Jimmy: shut up Janis: Didn't mean to do this, you know Janis: but I'm not mad it happened Jimmy: I know Janis: Sorry Janis: didn't mean to make it weird ignore me Jimmy: It's not weird Jimmy: nowt more than you Janis: 😏 Jimmy: & I wanna know this shit Jimmy: even if it means I have to show you my shit #art Janis: it is not shit Janis: anyway you can always make some more you're proud of 📸 Jimmy: [snaps a pic of her 'cause he's cheeky like that] Janis: A professional would've given me some warning, boy Jimmy: so you can pose? fuck that fake shit, remember Janis: fuck that fake shit Janis: delete it if I look shit though, tah Jimmy: [shows her 'cause he ain't that rude] Jimmy: do you want me to? Janis: You can keep it Janis: just for you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: [snaps a pic of himself too] Jimmy: for you then Janis: Thanks Janis: You're pretty Jimmy: piss off Janis: Take the compliment Jimmy: gimme a better one Janis: I've been LITERALLY sucking your dick and telling you how much I love the taste what's wrong with pretty Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: just Janis: Okay, it's cool, think of something you do like and I'll call you that instead Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: You can say what you want Janis: No point if you don't like it Jimmy: don't be in a strop about it Jimmy: that's not Janis: I ain't, seriously Jimmy: just pretend I said nowt Janis: Jimmy, it's fine, I mean it Jimmy: it's not Jimmy: go back Jimmy: like I never said Janis: Okay Jimmy: alright Janis: [Kisses him but gentle] Jimmy: [kisses her back low key too much 'cause he's trying to erase that blip there oh boy] Janis: They really are soundo Jimmy: I told you Janis: Cute when they're sleeping Jimmy: not when you have to sleep with 'em Janis: I shouldn't keep staying over should I Janis: when you think you might get a bed to yourself, like Jimmy: do you wanna stay? Janis: Yeah but Jimmy: but what? Janis: If you need a decent night's kip just say Jimmy: just say if you don't wanna come over Janis: Is that what I said? Nah 'cos that isn't what I want Jimmy: It ain't what I said or want either Janis: Have to check, that's all Jimmy: why? Jimmy: why do you have to? Janis: 'Cos I told you I didn't wanna go Home and I'd hate for you to feel like you gotta have me, I want you to want me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I want you Janis: Alright Janis: Good Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause gotta prove it now like] Janis: Fuck baby Janis: Are we friends again? 😏 Jimmy: do you kiss your mates like that? Janis: What mates? Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck instead and just moving to where he can 'cause clothes are a thing sadly for them but not sadly for everyone else] Janis: It's like that, huh? Okay Jimmy: I'm just getting out of the friendzone babe Janis: Such a smartarse Janis: Show me what we are I want it Jimmy: where? Janis: [#exposes dem collarbones] Here Jimmy: [don't have to tell him twice okay] Janis: That's going to look so fucking pretty Jimmy: I'll 📷 when it's ready Janis: Why does that get me so Janis: do Jimmy: I'll go all night Jimmy: me and the camera Janis: Jesus Jim Janis: Please fuck me right now I miss having you that close Jimmy: [Can't say no to a please ever so] Janis: How do you know exactly what I like Janis: Seriously Jimmy: how do you know what I like? Janis: Maybe we don't question it Janis: just so glad you do Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: I reckon I know that you'll like it before I even do it Janis: I feel that Janis: like I should be second-guessing everything probably but I'm just Janis: not Jimmy: you shouldn't be second guessing nowt Jimmy: you're Jimmy: you're fucking incredible at all of this Janis: It feels incredible Jimmy: You could probably make me cum without properly touching me Jimmy: 'cause you're just 🥇 you know Janis: Maybe we'll put that to the test later but I like touching you too much right now to stop Jimmy: & I want you to touch me all the time Janis: I just keep thinking how hard it'll be to be in lessons with you now I know all the things we could be doing instead, like Jimmy: we won't go Jimmy: fuck it Janis: Sorry teachers sorry parents 😋 Jimmy: sorry ain't how we'll feel Janis: nope Janis: and we can be as loud as we want because everyone else will have fucked off and it'll just be us all day Jimmy: you can be as loud as you want Jimmy: I always am Janis: It's your house though I can't start screaming casually 😂 Jimmy: like you said, it's my house Jimmy: so yeah you can Janis: 🤤 Janis: okay whatever you say Jimmy: you can show me how loud you wanna be Jimmy: when you don't have to be anything else Janis: that sounds so good Jimmy: 'til I find out you just wanted to be a horny mute this whole time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: like you don't know all the things I wanna say to you whilst I can still be coherent Jimmy: I like it when you can't Janis: Fuck me harder then, they're not waking and Iggy ain't looking Jimmy: lose control for me Jimmy: really Janis: Don't let me stop okay Jimmy: you won't 'cause I won't Janis: Don'thold bac, I want it so hard Jimmy: Challenge accepted, don't worry Janis: Thank fuck I met you Janis: I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else and I need this Jimmy: I need you Janis: I'm here, I'm all yours Jimmy: [more kissing 'cause boy shut your damn mouth you're testing me] Janis: [is whisper moaning into his ear, holding onto his neck] Jimmy: [doing his best to make her be louder as per] Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I know that isn't how loud you wanna be Janis: What if he hears Jimmy: after everything we did earlier, does that matter? Jimmy: [puts music on from his phone though 'cause considerate] Jimmy: alright? Janis: Not gonna take time to critique your musical tastes 'cos yes, so alright right now Jimmy: piss off it's a tune Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm not really listening, not gonna lie Jimmy: Can't fake 💔 right now Jimmy: you've got my attention Janis: Watch me Janis: Watch me cum all over your cock again and again and listen to every sound that comes with Jimmy was timed out 6 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 3 hours ago Jimmy: [makes his own fair share of sounds including saying her name 'cause damn] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: I have no words left Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: I can't Jimmy: [just doing what he can to get her to talk 'cause living for it] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: Janis Janis: Fucking Janis: I Janis: You're gonna make me say some stupid shit Jimmy: I told you, you can say what you want Janis: You make me feel so good Jimmy: You do to me Janis: Good Janis: That's all I wanna do Jimmy: don't stop then Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: [gotta use my kiss escape hatch again 'cause shhh boy] Janis: Baby Janis: [Takes his phone and turns the music up 'cos] Jimmy: I'm never gonna be able to listen to this song again without you, am I? Janis: Not sorry Jimmy: You're Jimmy: you sound better Janis: It's you Janis: I didn't know boys made noise too Jimmy: Just me & Barry, like Janis: Don't 😂 Janis: Appreciate the efforts to turn me off but Jimmy: [redoubles his efforts to keep her turned on instead] Janis: Oh Jimmy: 💕 Janis: I like you Jimmy: I like you too Janis: Same page yeah Jimmy: for real Janis: [Kisses him 'til they finish] Jimmy: [snuggles her after 'cause he's soft] Jimmy: do you wanna sleep too? Janis: [puts her head in his lap and stretches out] Janis: maybe Janis: are you going to too? Jimmy: [plays with her hair again 'cause fave] Jimmy: maybe Janis: This is nice Janis: let's stay like this for a while Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😊 Jimmy: [is obviously really sleepy pulling them Cass fighting sleep moves] Janis: [Reaches up, is massaging his neck and shoulders] Janis: Sleep time Jimmy: oh Janis: You're tense baby, let me help you Jimmy: when you put it like that Janis: [Goes harder 'cos course she knows how, Cali kid] Janis: Tell me if it's too much Jimmy: Nah it's Jimmy: Good Janis: Good Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: is there anything you can't do? Janis: Why are you mad, you're benefitting, aren't you? Jimmy: 'cause you're like perfect Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: don't be stupid Janis: I'm a dickhead yeah Jimmy: You ARE a dickhead Jimmy: gonna be more of one when school starts yeah? Jimmy: star of the classroom Janis: for you, yeah Janis: 😍 so blatant Jimmy: it'll gimme summat to draw so tah Janis: long as you show me Jimmy: [traces the 😍 on her with his finger 'cause nerd] Janis: you've given me goosebumps Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [snuggles her though 'cause they just cute nerds bye] Janis: Thanks Janis: for today Jimmy: you sorted it Jimmy: it's your shout Janis: Yeah but you lot came Janis: I haven't had a decent day like that in a while, what I'm saying Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: us either Janis: Not to be weird about it Janis: Obvs Jimmy: not you Jimmy: just wouldn't Janis: Cheek 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me either that Janis: Nah Janis: so normal so #basic Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: [is a yawny boy] Janis: Come on now Janis: Swap places with me Jimmy: alright Janis: [Strokes his hair] Jimmy: that's Janis: Shh Janis: Just enjoy it Jimmy: but we're gonna be back soon, aren't we? Janis: I mean don't think I can carry you, Cass and Bobs in, yeah but Jimmy: just wake me up in time Jimmy: not like when you made us miss our stop Janis: Holding that against me like you didn't love it okay Janis: don't think Igs is gonna drive 'round Dublin all day, it's good Jimmy: shh Jimmy: I'm just enjoying this Janis: [Leans down to kiss him too] Jimmy: I really am Janis: 💕 Janis: Fucking nerd Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm 😎 Janis: 😏 saw my snap then Jimmy: it was #art babe Jimmy: loved it Janis: Only 'cos I made you look good, bighead Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: keeping up your part of the deal & then some Jimmy: [is clearly falling asleep though] Janis: You know it, babe Jimmy: 👍

[queencrimsonred]

Actor AU! Chocobros x S/O(crush)

Headcanons for how the bros met their S/O if all the events in the game were just a part of a movie.

Author’s note: I wrote this at 3 am because I couldn’t sleep, I woke up this morning thinking I wrote this in a dream. Apparently, it was not a dream, so guess I’ll just leave this here and continue on with my day. Enjoy! -Crimson

Word count: 1784

Warnings: None? Maybe like one swear word somewhere? 

Noctis Lucis Caelum

Noctis’s S/O is an actor and plays a prominent role as a member of the Kingsglaive.

They first met well shooting a scene after the Fall of Insomnia, they looked battered and bruised, perfectly portraying the horrible event from within the city. 

He started to admire them because they performed all their own stunt. 

Caught them changing costumes one day and immediately walked away because damn, under all those layers they’re super fit, and he likes their face.

Overall his S/O is a genuinely good person, they take suggestions when needed, nice to everyone, they crack jokes when mistakes are made and can instantly go into work more when they need to. They’re really amazing at their job!

The next shot they have together is after the time skip.

“Oh no, you’re so old now!” They said, overly dramatic, with a teasing smile.

“And you haven’t aged a day??”

“I did! Look! Scars,” S/O dramatically motions to scars. 

“Those scars look good on you,”

“You’re killing it with the facial hair!”

They’re supposed to be killed off in the next scene protecting Noctis from a daemon, but plot twist! They aren’t killed off.

Daemon prop is coming charging towards them, and Noctis suddenly stumbles into them, unintentionally sending them into a shallow pool of water.

They both avoided getting hit by the prop, but now his S/O is sitting in water, wet and confused because that wasn’t in the script??

“Cut!” 

“I’m not sure if I should thank you for saving my life or lecture you for throwing me into a puddle.” S/O stares, unamused.

“Pft, sorry.” Noctis laughed and pulled them out of the puddle, they have to change costumes again because their costume doesn’t look right anymore.

The director decides to have the script changed and his S/O lives after that

The day after filming ended, Noctis texts them to go to the studio they had been recording at. It’s late, and they’re confused why they’re needed on set.

When they get there Noctis challenges them to a paintball fight and they were more than happy to accept. 

They didn’t leave the building until around midnight, both of them were covered in paint splatters, and they couldn’t say the set was in any better condition.

“I have to say, that was a pretty good first date.”

“Oh, so that’s what this was?”

“Yeah, and hopefully there are many more to come.”

There were, in the next movie they starred in they even got to play love interests.

There’s a rumor that there will be a new final fantasy tv series where Noctis lives because of something his S/O did. The rumor also said that they’re supposed to be love interests in this new series, and the shippers are now demanding that they make it a thing.

Prompto Argentum

Prompto’s S/O is a makeup artist, they spent hours making their injuries look real.

The first day they met was, as one would expect, on the very first day of filming, and Prompto was at a complete loss for words when they meet.

Like, his makeup artist is super super pretty??

One day they caught him staring while doing Noctis’s make up, adding bruises and cuts for their next scene.

“You’re next Prom~” they called in a slightly sing-song tone.

Finishes Noctis’s makeup, and quickly moves over to Prompto, he’s nervous and they can tell, they think it’s cute

“You’re going to look super awesome, you’ll love it!”

And he does, the makeup looks so real and a small part of him is tempted to wear it on the street to see how people react.

One day you start chatting about monster makeup between scenes, and Prompto asks his S/O to practice on him.

Who are they to refuse a willing subject for their art??

They spend a lot of time together outside of work now, his S/O practicing their make up while he practices lines.

“How come you like doing make up for injuries?”

“Because the audience can’t feel what your character feels, they need something to see, something to resonate with, and visuals are a very powerful tool to get people to do that.”

Oh no, he’s falling in love with his makeup artist! They’re so focused when they’re working and they’re super passionate, and it’s really attractive?

One day they’re doing his makeup for when he’s found at Zegnautus Keep.

“You’re going to look like you need the kiss of life when I’m finished with you!”

“Only if you’re the one to giving it to me,” and now both of them are blushing, and his co-stars heard, and oh gods he’s done it now.

“Sure thing, but maybe in a different context, after filming?” They’re beaming, and Prompto has short-circuited.

Thinks things will be awkward after that comment and starts avoiding them when he can.

When his S/O finds him hiding out, they pinch him and tell him that they miss their friend. Prompto apologizes and everything pretty much goes back to normal.

The moment filming ends Prompto’s S/O hunts him down and pulls him aside, it’s really late and they’re both tired.

“Now that filming is over, how about we go out?”

“Go out??” Prompto’s blushing

“Yes out, like on a date, I want to get to know the guy who’s been nice enough to let me use him as a canvas!” 

“Oh my gosh, hell yeah!” 

Cue the pair going to a pizza parlor at 10 pm because it’s the only place open right now. It’s the start of a very fun relationship!

Ignis Scientia

Ignis’s S/O works special effects, they’re responsible for making magic on set.

The first day they met was the day they were shooting the scene where he puts on the Ring of the Lucii, he gets a full look at all the effects.

He has to admit he’s really impressed how much they can do!

Ignis occasionally checks on their work, and soon notices that they spend a lot of late nights at the studio working on effects.

One night he appears in their office with coffee, and they’re shocked because they thought everyone had already gone home??

But no, here’s Ignis with coffee, and he’s kind of their hero now.

“I noticed you spend a lot of late nights here, you looked like you needed the coffee.” Cue S/O blushing a little.

“Yeah, some of these special effects get pretty tricky, and I don’t really trust my trainees to do it justice just yet, so more late nights for me. What made you stay so late?”

Ignis can’t will himself to say they’re the reason.

“I prefer practicing lines in the studio instead of at home,” they know he’s lying but they don’t push it.

“Is that so? Well if you ever need someone to listen to you run lines, I’m here every night.”

And so, they go on with their night, Ignis runs lines and his S/O works on special effects.

They spend a lot of nights like this, and the more time they spend together, the more ridiculous they act. Ignis starts saying lines in different accents just to prove he can, his S/O took random shots of him and his co-stars and added effects of them getting turned into frogs.

They’ve gotten dinner a few times as friends and chatted about how they ended up in their professions.

“I get to make people feel like magic is real, and even if it’s only for a few minutes or hours, that’s still really cool.”

The day after the last day of shooting, he finds his S/O hard at work, working on the last few scenes.

“So, I see you’re still making magic?” 

“It’s what I live for, now what excuse do you have for visiting me today Mr. Scientia?”

“I do believe that now filming is over, this would be the appropriate time for me to ask you out on a proper date. Of course, after you finish with your special effects.” S/O stares at him, slightly shocked, and he looks so smug but they can’t say no.

They end up going to dinner together that night and immediately hit it off.

Gladiolus Amicitia

Gladio’s S/O is a stunt double, with nerves of steel!

The day they met, they were filming a scene from the fall of Insomnia, his S/O got thrown through a window.

When they first spoke, they were talking with the director and action coordinator to make a fight look more realistic. 

The second they saw Gladio watching them speak, they got excited and waved him over.

“Hey hey! You’re pretty good with that fake broadsword! Your fight scenes look super legit!”

“Thanks! Your stunts are pretty awesome!”

He made them happy when he complimented their stunt work, and a friendship started from there.

“Let’s practice together sometime!”

They end up meeting at the gym several times throughout shooting and learn they have a lot in common.

Quickly learns that they’re really hot, and they wear minimal clothing while training.

And they’re smaller than him but they’re really strong, they can bench press almost as much as him!

Learns they secretly love romance novels but swears that if he tells anyone they’ll deny it and shun him.

They taught him how to make his fight scenes look even better, and he treated them to whatever meal they happened to be closest to.

Learns that they are incredibly fit, but they eat the worst things.

“How do you eat like that, but look like this?”

“I work out like an Olympic athlete and getting thrown around is also a work out on its own.”

They meet his sister one day on set, and she tells them they have to come over for dinner because “Gladdy won’t stop talking about is stunt double friend!”

Gladio didn’t expect them to actually come to dinner, but they did and his family actually loves them?

One day they were practicing a combat scene and they accidentally sent him to the ground. He hit his face pretty hard against the training mats.

He stared at them for a second “traitor...”

Cue S/O apologizing profusely 

“I didn’t think I could send a mountain of a man to the ground! I’m so sorry!”

“It’s fine, you can make it up to me by being my date to the premiere.”

“Smooth, but I guess I owe you for kicking your sorry butt.”

They go to the premiere together and his S/O can’t remember a time where they’d been asked so many questions, but overall, they had a lot of fun.

They end up on sets together a lot, and it’s always tons of fun.

They’ve been together ever since

[savoryspidey]

Masks (Introduction)

Imagine: You and Henry Cavill hate each other but it’s actually just sexual tension. Can you two learn to get along? Or possibly... more?

Words: 1,175

Warnings: Language

A/N: I’M BACK! But I’m feeling I would like to branch out on my creativity. For some reason I’m being pulled to Henry Cavill as of recently and now I’ve watched every single movie and show he was in. It’ll get good I promise. Let me know your thoughts!

Part 1

For as long as you’ve been working for Warner Bros. Pictures, you’ve always been assigned to work on DC Films as a makeup artist. It’s a job you love, mingling with celebrities, working behind the scenes for a big production with an enormous team effort. You’re very proud of your job and you love every second of it. You are a hard worker, full of diligence and productivity. You work well with others. Most of the people who work here are friendly, and love their jobs as well.

But there is just one person who you absolutely loathe. Every time you hear his name, you cringe. Whenever you have to see his face, a little part of you dies inside. That person, is The Henry Cavill. The smug bastard thinks he’s so great.

It all started when you began doing his makeup for Batman V Superman. You were excited to start a new movie, and meet the new Clark Kent. It was 5am and it was the first day of filming. You were excited to start this journey and meet the well known actor. He shows up the first day as jet lagged as ever.

Unbeknownst to you, you end up staring at him. His bright blue eyes and deep brown hair set so well with his face. Oh that face… His hair is slightly curly and a bit tousled. It’s perfectly imperfect. His muscular build certainly shows in that tight white button up shirt he’s wearing paired with dark navy blue pants and tan oxfords. Wow okay he’s even prettier in person.

He strolls into the studio with a cup of coffee and a deep set of bags under his eyes. You feel a little bad for the actor, being so tired and all, but you know, that’s the job. He speaks with the director momentarily until he points to you. You’re caught staring at the two and immediately switch your eyes somewhere else before turning around completely.

Shit. Of course now he thinks I’m a weirdo who was gawking at him. You feel a shiver of embarrassment run down your spine and you mentally face palm yourself. You don’t even hear him call for you several times. “Um, Miss?” Henry says. You swiftly turn around and knock the coffee from his hand. In the blink of an eye it spills all over him.

He stands there in shock, definitely awake now, and just stares at you. “Oh my gosh! Mr. Cavill I am so so sorry!” You reach for the nearest tissues and start dabbing his shirt. Yeah this isn't coming out… He holds his hands up like he’s being told to ‘freeze’ and just sighs with what you detect, a slight tone of annoyance. You realize the coffee is just warm, it isn’t searing hot. “I’m so sorry again let me get you another coffee!” You hysterically say. “Good thing the coffee wasn’t scalding.” He says shaking his head.

“Haha…” You fake laugh, forcing a rather painful smile. He begins unbuttoning his shirt and that's when you can’t help but look. You try to look away, but you’re too focused on his built chest and arms as he starts to strip off the dress shirt. You mindlessly wipe the spilled coffee on the floor as you gape at him.

“Yes?” He questions you, eyebrows raised. Well damn. You turn a slight shade of red from embarrassment. You quickly stand up, throwing the tissues away and rushing to get another coffee from the refreshments table. You pour the cup of joe in a disposable cub and rush over to him. “Here you go, Mr. Cavill.” You say, handing him the cup, with large eyes full of fear. Oh my goodness he’s gonna get me fired isn't he? “Thanks… And it’s Henry. You have me feeling like I’m in the Headmasters office.” He mumbles in a more than aggravated tone. Your eyebrows knit together in confusion and slight anger, but nonetheless, you have a job to do.

As you setup your supplies on the vanity, you glance up in the mirror to see him sighing and tapping his foot. He’s probably had a bad night, be considerate… You see your friend and fellow crew member approach you. Chelsea works in the costume department and you often chat during the day and get drinks after work. “Good morning, Y/N!” she says with a spring in her step. “Hey, Chelsea!” You say.

“And good morning to you too, Mr. Cavill.” Chelsea greets. He briefly glances up from his phone and gives her a tight lipped smile, saying blandly, “Morning.” Then returns to phone. Chelsea gives you wide eyes that tell you ‘Wow, he’s chipper.’ You raise your eyebrows to tell her ‘Yeah tell me about it.’

You both glance over to him, seeing that he seems too wrapped up in his phone to notice anything else. “He’s a piece of work… and it’s the first day.” You whisper. “I accidently downed coffee on him and he’s been peeved ever since.” You say in a hushed tone. “Well I guess some people take the fame too far and develop a complex.” You whisper. “You do realize he’s literally sitting right there.” Chelsea giggles. “Eh, probably too wrapped up in himself to notice there’s other people around.” You chuckle and roll your eyes.

“I heard that.” Henry says glancing up from his phone staring at you and Chelsea. You purse your lips together. Shit. Of course he heard. Your face gets hot but you don’t regret what you said. Although he has barely said anything, his smug attitude and the way he carries himself, it just throws you off.

Chelsea covers her mouth to keep from laughing and you just stand there in shock looking at him, his piercing blue eyes attacking you. Oh those eyes... “Well, I’d love to stay and chat but those costumes aren’t going to fit themselves! Good luck, Y/N.” Chelsea says before quickly leaving.

You stand in front of the man you just insulted and rub the back of your neck. He looks at you, eyebrows raised awaiting an explanation. “Listen, I-” You begin, but Henry cuts you off with a raise of his hand. A little degrading… I’m not some sort of servant. “Look, Y/N is it?” He begins. You nod. “Y/N, we all have a job here to do, so whatever grievance you have against me, I’m afraid you’ll have to ignore it for the time being. Okay?” He finishes with a conceited smile.

What a rude awakening. You had heard such nice things about the actor, but here he is, making you feel inferior and humiliated. To be fair you did spill coffee on his shirt and insulted him behind his back, literally. But that doesn’t excuse rude behavior. This wouldn’t have happened if he wasn’t such a haughty person.

You huff and grab some powder dabbing his face a little harshly with the brush. What an ass… This is going to be a long 7 months…

MASTERLIST

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam Italia episode 1 reaction

I was on the fence to whether I would watch/react to this one, because a) some of the production choices turned me off, namely the Sana casting and b) this will be the fourth time I have seen S1 unfold and like, what more can I say about it, really

but I decided to watch because all of these remakes have been helping me learn about film-making and storytelling and how the same material can play differently depending on cinematography, music, acting, editing, etc. for better or worse. and well, I had a lot of thoughts on it.

Clip 1 - one day this monologue will simply be Jonas reading the lyrics to All Star by Smash Mouth

For a moment I wondered if the opening monologue wasn’t going to be Eva’s writing, and she was reading it to Jonas (Giovanni) and he was going to give her some kinda condescending mansplain-y constructive criticism. Turns out it wasn’t but that might actually be an interesting way to adapt that scene (although the idea of watching this scene for a fifth time is not ideal).

Honestly I’ve seen so many conflicting takes about the opening speech that I’m just going to accept it’s something that I can’t get the significance of as a non-Italian and leave it at that. I do appreciate that they did change it to be something that’s specifically Italian.

This Eva is very … cute? I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Her personality seems a little meeker and marshmallowier than Emma’s or even OG Eva or Hanna. 

@skamremakesfromhell mentioned this in a post that Skam France and Skam Italia make it more obvious that the Eva and Ingrid characters were once friendly and OG Skam and Druck keep it more ambiguous. Most people I’ve seen react to Skam initially assume that Ingrid and Sara are like the school’s mean girls/popular clique rather than girls who have a history with Eva. Personally I prefer the ambiguity because it subverts expectations (especially when you’ve seen a million teen dramas featuring the requisite clique of popular bullies) but I guess you always learn by the end of the episode that Eva and Laura have a history so they don’t drag it out too much.

Eva waving at them is charming, but maybe a little much, though that’s kinda why I think she’s a cuter character. She’s the only one of the Evas trying to get a reaction out of the other girls. It makes you wonder what she thought would happen. Did she want a wave back? She really wants Laura to still like her. Also, notable that it’s the Sara character (I think) who gives her the finger, not Laura.

Also Giovanni is the only one of the Jonases to not notice Eva looking at Ingrid/Laura despite her being the only one to wave. Depending on your POV, it’s because he’s so wrapped up in explaining himself that he doesn’t notice Eva’s little moment of distress, or that his back is turned to Laura so he simply doesn’t notice. Or a combo of both.

I did like the visual choice of having Martino behind the bars (trapped in the friend zooooooooone) as well as his line, which according to the subtitles, is something like “in a couple there are no secrets but there also aren’t secrets between friends” which is some decent foreshadowing.

The banter seemed like Eva was more cool with them teasing her without that undertone of ganging up on her, or at least she played it like she was very amused by it. 

Clip 2 - chilling at home

I liked seeing Eva going about her evening alone, rummaging for food, that kind of casual solitude when you’re on your own.

Good job making that video chat look realistic.

No hate toward the actor himself but how old is Martino IRL … I think he’s fine performance-wise so far and he and Eva had some nice friendly chemistry in this conversation, but that dude just does not seem like a teenager. Which means some of the stuff he does later is going to look worse coming from someone who seems old enough to know better.

I looked him up and he’s like 20-21 in real life, and color me surprised. Not a teenager, but not as old as I would’ve guessed.

Martino being like “aw come on let me see” when Gio shows up, lmao you obviously do not want to see what happens next, bro. A girl is going to be a turn off for you.

Tiny changes of little importance - the first Sara to get a septum instead of fake lashes, and the first Jonas to enter through the front door like a normal person rather than climbing through the window/balcony.

I think it was a nice detail that they established that Eva is deliberately avoiding events and parties because of Laura. It adds to her loneliness and lack of friends, and it’ll be a bigger step of character development when she starts going out.

How long were the boys at Elia’s? Or did they go over there two days in a row? Because the first clip is definitely meant to be Friday and this one is Saturday, unless it was originally supposed to be the same day and they changed it for whatever reason. Gio not answering his phone during that time period is way different than not answering for like 5-6 hours. 

Giovanni calling her a koala is cute. Is this a specific Eva-and-Gio thing, or is this typical slang, like do Italians call each other koalas? That’s adorable.

Gio, they teach you in Lying 101 not to give more details than you need to.

His acting is a little odd here and I’m not sure if it’s shaky acting or a decent job of portraying someone lying out of his ass. For now I’ll be generous and go with the latter.

I thought the chemistry between them was a little off, but well, at least they seemed cozy when they were about to get it on. 

I was kind of confused as to why they showed the phone lighting up at first except, duh, it was to show Gio was lying about his phone dying. Not sure how I feel about that shot? Seems like too much POV breakage/hinting to the audience. I think it’s a good idea but maybe they could frame it in a more subtle way, like Eva and Giovanni are going at it in the frame and only eagle-eyed viewers would spot the phone.

Also I see that it’s Martino trying to get in touch, so I find that better and more subtle than if it were like … Laura. Martino texting in itself is NBD, it’s just that Gio’s phone is not dead.

Clip 3 - theater kids

This is not a relevant observation in the slightest but I’m entertained by the little details, like when Eva snacks on that cracker/cookie thing you can see a giant-ass crumb fall down her sweater from a distance, or in the previous clip there’s some fuzz stuck to her foot when Gio wraps it around her waist. It’s really really small stuff and probably not intentional, tbh, but I do like when Skam keeps things not perfect. Life is full of crumbs and fuzz, embrace it. 

I love the theater kids and their quirks in every version. These two are giving off middle-aged office manager vibes. 

Again, it is nice for Eva to consider a social event in line with her avoiding them because of Laura.

Clip 4 - Giovanni ruining the couple’s getaway 

I think this is the first time an Eva has called out a Jonas for being boring and not partying. Which, I mean, depending on the company I would probably prefer doing something mundane with some good friends than going to a party with a bunch of assholes.

And I thought Druck made it more obvious, Skam Italia just blatantly says Martino’s mom is crazy.

The acting is weird because I wouldn’t say it’s stiff, exactly, but a lot of it is very … acting. The handshake between Eva and Gio is cute, though.

Clip 5 - party time

Eva, I hope you charged your phone before you went out (9%).

So the getting dressed scene definitely felt, uh. A little male-gazey in a way that the other versions haven’t. Not Michael Bay making Transformers movies one-handed level of male gaze, just enough that I noticed. In those other getting ready scenes, the Evas were shown in varying states of undress, but it felt like a practical thing and not for titillation. This time around, there are definitely some pans up Eva’s body clad only in her bra and underwear and some full body shots (and it’s in shadow but there’s one shot where I thought she was completely topless, though in context I don’t think she is). Not a huge fan of that. At least it didn’t last long.

This is unrelated but this is something I deeply appreciated about Skam, I would not have said the girls were sexualized. Even in scenes, for instance, when Eva and Noora were shown in their underwear and T-shirts, it was casual and not sexy. I’m pretty sure the only nudity on the show was dudes and something like Even walking out of the hotel room naked is the total opposite of a sexualized moment.

Eva’s mom comes home mid-montage. I can’t quite get a read on their relationship yet? Eva is not open with her about where she’s going, but her mom still lets her go out. But Eva having both her parents in the picture is a significant change.

Oh God I love that fucking theater guy who dresses and acts like your car salesman uncle on a family wedding dance floor after a few drinks.

I know Laura’s words are chosen for cruelty not accuracy, but Eva’s eyeliner doesn’t seem particularly excessive, except for being smudged.

Well, Eleonora, that was gay. That was really, really gay. The gayest Noora intro yet. A round of applause.

Why did you fuck off home immediately after gently touching a stranger’s face instead of making further conversation, though? Or is that part of your red-lipped allure? Now I’m imagining Eleonora just constantly fixing girls’ hair and brushing eyelashes off their cheeks whenever she’s in line at McDonald’s or buying toilet paper, then vanishing and leaving a trail of broken hearts across Europe. 

The shot of Eva in front of the mirror, all fractured into multiple Evas, is some good stuff. Eva giving Vilde (Silvia?) a hug was also nice. Again, this Eva’s a marshmallow.

Legitimately one of the best parts of all these remakes is seeing all the Chrises/Alexes/Sams/Fedes be thrilled and bond instantly over their shared names.

This time Eva excused herself and Fede before Silvia asked them to leave so at least she was spared that extra humiliation.

Oh but she makes up for it by having Boy Fede call her a dick tease in front of Laura and Sara.

Boy Fede was kind of hilarious in a douchey way.

The text message afterwards has Eva downplaying the party’s shittiness to Gio, btw, saying she left after she saw people doing the train/conga. Sparing herself further embarrassment.

General Comments:

I’m not happy with casting an actress who is apparently both white and non-Muslim as Sana. Like all Skams I’m watching this on Google Drive/unofficial websites, but if this were say, a film showing in theaters, I wouldn’t buy a ticket for it on that basis. If it were a show I could watch or stream legally I wouldn’t give it the views. It’s really not excusable. Actually one of the most obnoxious things is that they also had this Sana wear a hijab. That annoys me even more than if they’d just said she was a Muslim who chose not to wear one. Probably because a hijabi actress has like … barely any opportunities for roles that will let her wear one.

Unpopular (?) opinion: if we give them the extreme benefit of the doubt that they searched and searched and just couldn’t find a single Muslim actress for the role (and I doubt this is what happened but going along with this hypothetical situation), then it probably would have been better if they rewrote the Sana character to be another racial, ethnic, or religious minority, played by an actress from that group. Because Muslim representation is of course important, especially in the current political climate, and I don’t mean to minimize that at all, but there are other minority groups who could have their stories told accurately, which is part of Skam’s importance. 

Also, there’s one thing I want to address about the use of offensive language and whether it’s justified because it’s realistic/accurate. I am not commenting directly on the stuff seen in the Skam Italia trailer because we don’t yet know the context and whether it’ll be called out, and I’ve also seen some conflicting translations of it. But on a general note, I don’t think that “realism” should be an automatic get-out-of-jail-free card for characters saying offensive things. It depends on how it is handled within the text. I am sure that there are Norwegian teenagers who say much, much more offensive things and use slurs more frequently than the main kids in Skam. But Julie chose to present our protagonists as largely open-minded and willing to grow. For all we talk about Skam’s focus on realism, it often presents an optimistic, even idealistic worldview. Feuds end in peaceful dialogue and understanding. Worst case scenarios are averted. Friends usually support each other in times of need. Hardly anyone is a true villain. It’s debatable how much of that is realistic. But it’s hopeful, and it’s the model that teenagers need. 

Think of it like this, an admittedly extreme example: Julie could choose to set American Skam in a conservative town and made all the characters Trump supporters - because hey, realism!  That is an accurate representation of certain parts of the United States. But I’m guessing most of us wouldn’t enjoy watching the version where Trump fans are our heroes and they’re never challenged on their beliefs. There are some shows where I can tolerate, even enjoy terrible people being terrible, but that’s never been the appeal of Skam.

Anyway that’s my limit of hot’n’spicy discourse for now. I’m trying to stay in my lane but I had to get that out since the Sana thing especially is unavoidable.

Overall the show felt distinct enough that I had some thoughts on it besides just being the 4th version of these scenes that I’ve watched. 

The acting is a mixed bag for me so far, some moments worked and some didn’t. I thought Martino was decent and the non-Eva girl squad was fine. Not sold on Gio yet. Eva herself had some moments I enjoyed but when it got more serious it fell a little flat. I do think she has a likeable personality, though.

The visual style of the show is certainly striking. It’s flashier than OG Skam but I like the colors and the energy.

I’m a completionist so I will probably keep watching because that is how my brain works. 

[rilesandlucas]

Living for a minute

a/n soooooooo my Rory and Logan one shot got a lot of love and a couple of requests for more, so what better to do than write another one. I’ve been stuck for ideas for a while anyway and so I’m kind of taking the easy way out.

s5e7-you jump I jump jack. All credits to right full owners-Gilmore Girls and Warner Bros. Studio.

Riley stashed her notebook in her bag and looked around not really knowing what to do. She was all packed and ready to go, she just had no idea where it is she was going. Riley had been destined to be a reporter since she was younger, It’s all she had ever talked about around the house and to be honest it made her parents go insane. In saying that, it was her passion and when Riley Matthews had her mind set on something there was absolutely nothing you could do to stop her, well nothing short of distracting her with pie.

Today she was doing a story on one of the secret society’s of her university. It was called “The Death and Life Brigade” and what she could tell from reading about it is that it was basically rich people waving their hand at old films that make no sense.

She walked outside her tiny dorm, hoping to find some sort of clue out there. Riley turned her head to the left and just as she was about to turn her head to the right she suddenly couldn’t see anymore and she was being dragged away. Realising that this was probably just a part of their stupid game Riley calmed and went with it. After about a 3 minute walk Riley was being helped into what she could only assume was a car, but wouldn’t be surprised if it was a helicopter or plane of some sort. The people that were around her suddenly started talking and it took Riley less than two minutes to work out who they were. Driving was Isaiah Babineaux, a drunk rich person from Australia. In the back seat was Farkle Minkus, another drunk tool, In the front seat was a girl she didn’t know and next to her, holding her, was none other than her frenemie Lucas Friar, the most spoiled of all spoiled.

Riley butted into their conversation quickly getting lonely.

‘Farkle the 31 is the better highway.’ She settled and both the boys flipped there head to the supposedly blindfolded girl.

'Lucas we told you that the blindfold wasn’t good, she can see.’ Zay yelled from the front seat and Lucas rolled his eyes.

'No I just know your voices, expect for hers.’ Riley inquired to the girl in the front seat.

'I’ve been told we’ve met before.’ The girl responded and it clicked in Riley’s brain.

'Ahhh Gorilla mask I see.’ The girl was someone that Riley had ran into in the bathroom, she was wearing a ball gown and gorilla mask which prompted Riley to follow her outside. This sparked the whole article Riley was writing.

'Or Maya to few.’ The girl responded and Riley smiled slightly.

'Can I take the blindfold off now that I know who everyone is.’ Riley asked and everyone shook their heads, forgetting that she had a gorilla mask on.

'No, you have to remember ace that we also hiding our location. ’ Lucas spoke and Riley threw her arms to her chest and listened in to the bickering of Farkle and Zay.

—————————————————————————

Riley was finally out of the car after what felt like forever and she couldn’t be happier. She could only deal with so much bickering and RnB. As Riley was being guided she realised that she could smell trees and the outdoors. She could only assume that she was at a campsite of some sort, considering that she didn’t even anticipate a hotel around.

'Can I take this thing off.’ Riley asked agitated. Lucas chuckled to himself and held her slightly tighter.

'Almost ace, very soon.’ Lucas patronised and continued to lead Riley through the several tree stumps.

Finally Lucas saw the check in point and picked up to of the candles for him and Riley.

'You can take your blindfold off now.’ He said and Riley smiled as she pulled off the silk fabric from her face. She was instantly handed a glowing candle in a olden times candle holder. Riley smiled at the cute knick knack and looked around at the scene in front of her.

'Oh my.’ She said.

Everything was white, white clothes, white table cloths, white hats, white ribbon hung from the trees and white tents scattered around. There was enough food to feed all of yale and it was all gourmet, of course. The people were conversing normally, some near a fire and some near the food. Everyone seemed to have a champagne glass in there hand and everything confused Riley deeply. She pulled out her notepad and started scribbling down her notes on her notebook. Once Riley was done filling out her basic and first impressions on the event she  saw Lucas signalling here. She walked over to him and he pointed her in the direction of a tent.

'This one is yours.’ he said bringing her over to the tent. 'Festivities start in a half hour.’ He finished before leaving Riley to gather her thoughts.

—————————–

Riley left her tent in prompt time and walked out into old music playing and people eating by candlebras in their old timey clothes. People walked by here and would say things in an old fashioned voice but whenever she would try ask them anything about the event they would leave.

She walked over to a group of guys that seemed to be having a debate about something.

'Dubious logic if you ask this guy.’ One of the men said as Riley approached them.

'Hello everybody.’ Riley said approaching the group. All men suddenly snapped their heads to her.

'My god.’ Farkle gasped.

'Shocking little girl. Addressing to this proud point of ours.’ The man next to him added on.

'Excuse me, what did you just say?’ Riley asked humbly but the men seemed to ignore her.

'For my count is 6 I say.’ Farkle asked turning to the man beside him.

'Six, I do conquer.’  The boy responded and Farkle nodded and his head and proceeded to speak.

'Point of fact, daft lady, to catch on would prompt our congratulations.’ He said diminishing Riley.

'It’s a game?’ Riley asked and the taller man raised his glass and said.

'At which you totally fail.’ Riley furrowed her brows and Farkle yet again spoke.

'You want for instruction?’

'Indeed.’ Riley replied eagerly.

'Said gap between e and f should not slip from lips in any word this group allows.’ He responded and Riley thought for a moment before understanding.

'The gap between d and f, you’re not using the letter E?’ Riley confirmed and Farkle rolled his eyes.

'Says this thing our group did banish. He reponded.

'Loud for all to drink in.’ The usually silent boy spoke.

'Daft girl.’ The boy next to Farkle added on.

'So no one is supposed to say the letter E.’ Riley asked yet again , causing the boys to once again roll their eyes.

'My god, this women hounds us with this thing I banish.’ Farkle barked sipping his champagne.

'I’ll catch up with you guys later, have fun.’ Riley responded and walked off.

'Bloody horror that women.’ One of the boys said as she walked off.

Riley walked around the campsite and spotted a familiar face at one of the tables.

'Hey Maya.’ She greeted walking over to the blonde.

'Oh good someone who is using e’s, you want champagne.’ She praised and Riley smiled.

'No I’ll have a little later.’ Riley responded and Maya shrugged her shoulders and sipped hers down.

'Does Lucas run this group.’ Riley asked pointing to the blonde haired boy behind her chatting to two girls at a fire.

'There’s no head of the group. We’re an anarchy collective we don’t have leaders per say, but that’s a secret, I shouldn’t be talking to you.’ Maya whispered and went to turn away.

'The way that people act around him Lucas seems like a leader.’ Riley backed herself up and Riley looked over at the boy.

'That’s because he’s cute, you know that.’ Maya answered.

'No-'Riley started but was cut off.

'No?’ Maya questioned.

'Well I guess but-’

'There’s a line to get to him.’ Stephanie cut her off.

'No I don’t want to get into line. I’m trying to be a reporter.’ Riley recovered.

'I bet you’re a good reporter. I shouldn’t be talking to you. I have to die now, excuse me.’ Maya finished and walked off leaving Riley dumbfounded.

Riley gained her confidence again and walked over to another group.

'Hi’ She started, trying avoid e’s. All the men snapped their heads at her once again.

'Do you always have a theme or do you choose different themes.’ She asked politely.

'May I quote Max Ernst.’ A boy with glasses responded.

'Yes.’ Riley encouraged and all the boys turned away from Riley.

'Oh.’

——————————–

Riley was sitting under a tree writing everything she could down on a note pad when in her peripheral vision she saw Lucas Friar walking towards her.

'How goes it.’ He yells walking down the hill with a plate of food and a light.

'Word goes a bear had dragged you off he finished and Riley smiled.

'No bear, just collecting my thoughts.’ Riley responded and Lucas sat down next to her.

'Sorry the groups not giving you much, took a lot to even get you out here.’ Lucas offered and Riley smiled at him.

'It’s ok, I’ve already filled two notebooks without them. Half without using the letter e.’ Riley boasted to the frat boy.

'This has way too much salt.’ Lucas stated completely avoiding the topic.

'This is pretty cool but it’s just a pre party before the big stunt tomorrow.’ Riley continued to ask/ state to the eating male.

'It’s Zay, he’s Australian, they like salt.’ He responded avoiding her question.

'How do you guys pay for this? How is it organised and what is happening tomorrow, is it bigger?’ Riley bombarded to Logan, who put down his fork and really looked at her.

'Ok, I think it’s time to fill you in on the conditions of you being here.’ He replied moving himself to look at her even better.

'First no pictures.’ Lucas said taking her camera.

'You’ll get it back, second no names.’ Lucas said firmly.

'I’m not exactly getting them.’ Riley confirmed.

'Third no descriptions, some police are after us for bad stuff we did years ago.’ Lucas asked and Riley nodded.

'What number am I at?’ He asked staring deeply into her eyes.

'Four.’

'Fourth no saying our location.’

'I don’t know where we are.’ Riley yelled and Lucas laughed.

'Fifth.’ He emphasised.

'You’re gonna run out of “ths”’ Riley joked.

'You must not interfere with the integrity of the event.’ Logan finished and Riley waved her hands, because she had no idea what the integrity of the flipping event was.

'So you agree.’ Lucas asked smiling and Riley looked down at her hands.

'Yes, I agree.’ Riley responded. Suddenly they could both hear people singing at the campsite not to far from them.

'It’s pretty.’ Riley commented.

'They’re drunk.’ Lucas nonchalantly replied stuffing down his food.

'I like it.’ Riley defended and Lucas shook his head.

'I didn’t say I didn’t like it.’ Lucas said before spotting two girls.

'Night ace.’ He spoke before going up the hill and away again.

——————————-

Riley awoke from her slumber and pulled on her clothes from yesterday before leaving the tent and seeing Lucas standing there.

'Uh those clothes will interfere with the integrity of the event.’ Lucas replied as Riley walked out.

'This is all I have, I didn’t know about this event.’ Riley growled and Lucas shrugged.

'Check your tent.’ He calmly responded.

'All I have is a wash bowl, a toothbrush and a light.’ Riley replied her eyebrows raised.

'Check your tent.’ Lucas spoke once again and Riley stomped back into her tent. She looked around and then finally got on her knees and looked under her bed. She pulled out the white box with a bow on top and opened it to reveal a pale blue ball gown. Quickly changing Riley put on the dress, only occasionally falling over in the small space. Once she was down she smoothed out the skirt and looked down at it. It was all pale blue with a spot of dark blue roses at the bottom and the top. The strapless bodice was cut off above the hips by a light blue sash of the same material. The skirt fell into the loveliest shape with slight ruffles at the end. Attached to the top was a dark blue scarf the Riley pulled behind her neck.

Riley emerged from the tent smiling and Lucas smiled.

'Yep I have a knack for dress sizes, now lets go we’re late.’ He spoke and grabbed Riley’s hand and lead her. After about 30 seconds of running Riley saw the group all gathered in front of what seemed like a circus facing Farkle.

'Come on hurry.’ Lucas called walking closer to the group.

'You try running in this dress.’ Riley retorted.

'We’re late.'Lucas rushed

'For what the ritual sacrifice.’ Riley joked.

Upon arrival Riley and Lucas were handed champagne glasses which the rest of the group were already holding.    

’-Gathered for the 108th annual ceremony of the death and life bridage.’ Farkle spoke as he held his glass high.

'He’s using e’s’ Riley joked as Lucas shushed her.

'Raise your glasses.’ Farkle commanded and everyone followed suit.

'In Omnia Paratus.’ Farkle chanted.

'In Omnia Paratus.’ The group if girls in ball gowns and well suited men responded easily and turned to face a person of the opposite gender. Riley turned to face Lucas and he put his champagne glass to her lips prompting her to do the same thing. Riley followed and watched all the dressed up members do the same.

'Cover your ears.’ Lucas suggested and Riley furrowed her brows.

'Why?’ She asked just as a loud gong went off behind her.

'That’s why.’ Lucas spoke as the whole group ran off screaming to the event behind her.

'And to think some groups just go bowling.’ Lucas finished and Riley laughed to herself looking at the packed paddock.

—————————–

In what felt like second the party was in full swing. Riley walked through what was made into a makeshift polo game. Two men would hold a carrier like horses as the women sat in it with a polo stick pushing the balls around what Riley assumed was a sport. Riley quickly took every detail down, almost getting hit ten times. She walked over to the other event that was happening nearby. From what she could tell, the male with a paint-gun would yell “pull” and another male would jump from a platform onto a mat as other men shot at him.

It was interesting and rather gruesome idea that intrigued Riley as she walked over.

'Good shot.’ One of the boys yelled at the shooter.

'Is this safe.’ Riley asked and all three boys stopped smoking their pipes and responding

'no.’ before continuing.

'Damn.’ the shooter said and the boys next to him responded with 'Blame the gun.’ and 'I would.’

Riley quickly grew tired of them and walked over to Lucas and Zay who was shooting.

'Pull, pull.’ He yelled nonchalantly like he done this one hundred times before. Lucas watched intensely as Zay put the gun down and said

'Ok I want to be a target now.’ Before walking off.

'If you wanna interview Zay ace you better do it quick. Lucas said as Zay walked off saying 'In Omnia Paratus’

'So is this your big stunt.’ Riley questioned Lucas as he shot at flying men.

'Big stunt?’ He feigned ignorance but Riley over looked it.

'According to my research you do one big stunt at each of these.’ Riley peeped lookign voer her notes.

'You’ll know it when you see it.’ Was all Lucas had in response.

Just as he finished Zay was carried by on a stretcher moaning in pain.

'I missed the mat.’ He whispered and Lucas rolled his eyes.

'Again?’ He laughed.

'I’ll be fine, don’t worry about em.’ Zay yelled while being carried off into the distance.

————————————–

The group started to stop their activities and started to gather in a particular place. Riley followed them and almost fell over when she saw an almost seven story construction of scaffolding with the death and life brigade crest hanging on a banner on top. On the top of the scaffolding was what Rory made out as people in suits and ballgowns, presumably from the group, holding onto umbrellas that had some wire stemming from it. Riley looked up in awe as the other chatted as if nothing was happening.

'Taking up superlatives.’ Lucas spoke as he walked past Riley.

'What are they gonna do.’ Riley asked running after him.

'What do you think they’re gonna do.’ He responded over riding  her question.

'They’re not gonna jump.’ Riley stated not believing herself.

'Of course they gonna jump.’ Lucas happily yelled back.

'But that’s like seven stories, they could die.’ Riley responded frantically.

'We’re all gonna die one day.’ Lucas said casually.

'But those four are gonna die today.’ Riley yelled in awe as Lucas laughed at her.

'Six.’

'But I only see 4.’ Riley pointed.

'I’m heading up.’ Lucas smiled.

'Of course you are.’ Riley remarked.

'And Zay was supposed to do it, but few of us figured he’d make it this far. So there’s an extra space.’ Lucas spoke hoping Riley would catch on. Riley hmmed and looked around for a moment before looking at Lucas in fear.

'No.’ She said quickly.

'Hey we’re not gonna die, no one in the Death and Life brigade had ever died, old ones have.’ Lucas soothed her but Riley still stressed.

'I am not going to jump.’ Riley said with her hand over her heart. A man walked up behind Lucas and told him that everything was set.

'This is Seth, he’s the genius behind this.’ Logan introduced and the sharp man named Seth waved.

'it’s very safe, we did a dozen test drops and every potato came through fine.’ Seth assured and Riley looked at him like he was crazy.

'Potato?’ She gaped.

'We can’t test on humans that’s not safe.’ Lucas joked as Seth ran off.

'Thanks, but I’m here as a journalists, journalists don’t participate.’ Riley replied and regretted it.

'George Plimpton never participated? His best was in the thick of it, quarterbacking for the Lions.’ Lucas started and Riley interrupted.

'So he was an exception.’

'Bill Buford lived in amongst the thugs, Hunter Thompson lived with the Hells Angels he got into the thick of it and he put you in their heads, that’s what drove him.’ Lucas lectured and Riley was dumbfounded.

'Ok so those guys participated but I-’ Riley stressed but was interrupted by Farkle telling jumpers to go their places.

'You’re scared.’ Lucas stated.

'Well yeah.’ Riley mumbled.

'And that stops the greats.’ Lucas inspired.

'It stops this great.’ Riley sarcastically replied.

'Come on you look like you need adventure, you’re a little sheltered.’ Lucas spoke honestly and Riley didn’t know what to think.

'It’ll be fun, it’ll be stupid, it’ll be something sun for you. Isn’t this the point of being young.’ Lucas continued moving to hold Riley’s back.

'It’s your choice. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute, you climb up there with me it’s one less minute you haven’t lived.’ Lucas spoke into Riley’s ear as she contemplated things.

'Let’s go.’ She finally said.

'Let’s go.’ Lucas yelled excitedly and led Riley to the ladder.

'I am not a fan of ladders.’ Riley complained.

'I’m not a fan either.’ Lucas responded as he climbed up behind her.

Once they reached the top Riley looked down stressed.

'High this is very high.’ Riley mumbled.

'I’ve been higher.’ Lucas responded.

'I meant distance from the ground.’ Riley joked.

'That too.’ Logan responded.

Riley walked over to Seth and he assured it was safe while adding a gold ribbon that went with her outfit. She took the umbrella she was handed and looked over at the calm Lucas.

'In Omnia Paratus.’ Farkle yelled from the back.

'Why do they look so worried.’ Riley asked.

'We’re low on champagne.’ Lucas responded.

'You trust me.’ Lucas asked.’

'You jump, I jump jack.’ Riley responded.

'In Omnia Paratus.’ The rest of the group from the ground yelled.

'I should’ve confirmed those potatoes were ok.’ Logan said before grabbing Riley’s hand and jumping.

The wind carried the group perfectly as the crowd cheered. Seth and Farkle gleamed as the whole group made it down perfectly fine. Lucas kept a hold of Riley’s hand as he looked at her.

'You did good ace.’ He beamed looking into her eyes.

'A once in a lifetime experience.’ She cheered smiling at him.

'Only if you want it to be.’ He replied still looking at her.

————————————

The next day just as Riley was about tot head to class she heard a knock on the door. She opened it to see that no one was there, looking down she saw a bottle of champagne, her camera and a gorilla mask. She opened up her camera roll to see several pictures of her and Lucas jumping and smiled to herself.

[justinsearchofparadise]

August 15th, 2017

                                                Jay’s Story

                                                                                                    Preface

      If for any reason Jay were to read this and not want it posted or feel afflicted by the contents I would take it down as soon as possible. As a following effect, if Jay were to be uninterested in talking to me ever again I would completely understand. I lied in our first conversations which is bad way to start a foundation. Although I would be very disheartened by the ending of our friendship I will understand and accept the repercussions of the contents in this story. If you made it this far through the crazy pieces of mine Jay, thank you. A person like you reading something like this makes me glad that I did it. Plus, it means that i’m an awesome cakes writer and you want to see more in which case don’t hesitate to ask to meet in person in which case i’ll gladly show you more of my writing pieces and give you an in depth view of my perspective on the world, life, and the people I get the pleasure of meeting. Meeting someone just like you.

                                                      Part 1

      I have been toying with the idea of writing my thoughts out and sharing them for a while now. I've been reluctant to not because the source material is weak or due to a lack of creativity; Laziness just gets the best of me. At the time of writing this short piece I am in the bathroom contemplating whether or not if I should go to the city to write today. I could get a lot done. Probably even start on the second part of Ferry thoughts? Let's see where I go with this piece now since I don't want to just kill it.

      Time to talk about girls! Since the girls in my life have made a significant impact in my life, even the most recent ones, I'll dedicate a page for each one. Maybe that way I can finally get some closure? Let's get to it then.

      First on the list is a girl to whom I will refer to as Lin. This is the first girl to show me affection and friendship aka.

      Change of plans. I’ll start with the most recent girl that I met. Well not met as in person but “met” as in online. Let’s call her… Ackiejay. That’s a horrible alias but i’ll think of something better down the road. Time to tell her part of my story.

                                                                                                                      Part 2     

                        It couldn't have been more than a week since I had conversated with my friend… Vek. On that day Vek had messaged me while I was working so I wasn’t really in the mood to talk. Being in such a mood I opened Vek’s message and to my luck i’m glad I did. Vek had sent me a few texts saying “I just found your future wife”, “ She is the female version of you like all the way”. So me being me I asked him to send a picture of this girl because who wouldn't ? This girl could potentially be my future wife or a great friend! I receive his message with a sense of anxiety. If this girl is out of my league there is no way i’m going to be able to talk to her, let alone message her. I open the picture. This girl is beautiful. She reminded me of one of my sister’s old friend who I had a childhood crush on. Realizing that I clearly wasn’t in my league I tell Vek “This girl is so pretty but i’m not sure if I should talk to her” not having the wits to tell him that I thought she was out of my league. Vek proceeds to message me “Are you really going to pass the chance to atleast get to know her on Snapchat? I know that you will regret it one day”. Reading that message pushed me a state of panic. What if he’s right? This girl could potentially be my future wife! Or maybe even a lifelong friend since we seem to share similar interests, or so Vek believed. I asked Vek “Do you have her Snapchat? I don’t have an Instagram or Facebook so that’s a no go”. Vek replied “ Believe it or not I do”. Vek sends me a picture of her Snap ID. It’s a pretty sweet ID picture, one that I had not seen before. I add her son Snapchat and go back to working.

      A few hours have passed and I get a call from Vek. He tells me that if I wanted to go to the movies with him and Jantony. I think about it for a good minute. Do I really want to go to the movies at this time? Do I even have enough money? So like any rational person I tell Vek “Hell yeah, I get out at 10 will Jantony be able to pick me up?” Vek replies “Duh, we’re on our way right now”. Boom. I was locked into to going to the movies with my friends. Since I was still not sure on how much money I had I decided to make up an excuse so that Jantony could drive me to my house. I called Vek up again and told him “ Tell Jant that I need to feed the coffers because he’s starving at home right now!”. Jantony overheard what I said and yelled into Vek’s phone “ WE GOTS TO GO FEED THE COFFERS, I GOT YOU!”. Now I had the chance to look for a movie pass that was laying in one of my drawers in case I couldn't afford a ticket. They picked me up from work and we were on our way to my house. Jamming out in the car I decided to check my phone and Snap the moment. To my behest I saw that Jay had added me back. I’ll refer to her as Jay since it’s a bit easier to remember. I’m lying, it’s way easier to remember. Brushing the notification aside I told Vek that she added me back. Vek told me to tell her happy birthday since it was her birthday according to her Snapchat story and the birthday cake emoticon next to her name. You know what I did? I didn't message her happy birthday. Once we arrived at the movies all 3 of us were trying to buy tickets for the film Detroit. Jantony and I went through the old fashioned way of buying tickets at the teller since both of us had movie passes while Vek had to buy his ticket inside for whatever reason. Having got our tickets we went straight towards the room where Detroit was being played so we could get seats before the film began. We sat down at the top row of the room and the movie began. Vek leans over to me and tells me “Did you message her yet?” I respond “Can you shut up i’m trying to watch the movie my guy”. Vek had a point though. Would I message her or would I do what I always do and just become another “follower” to a list of strangers? No. I told myself that I was going to change. Eventually I would have to become socially active again so why not start with a person who probably won’t judge me on the way I chat online, which can seem weird as I had not been socially active for a long time. “Screw it” I thought to myself. What’s the worst that can happen? For the next 10 minutes I tried my hardest to think of a good opening line. “Hey, happy birthday” no that’s too dull. “Happy birthday Jay” no, that’s not even attempting to start a conversation. Bazinga, I found what my opening line would be. Of all the things I would write that night, that opening line was the greatest. I proceed to take out my phone and open Snapchat. I go over to the chat icon right next to Jay’s name and I send of the greatest messages ever. ‘Before global warming breaks all the ice, I just wanted to say hey and happy birthday’ the message read. I’ll be honest, the line wasn’t that great but it would definitely catch her attention! I show Vek and Jantony the message and they both look at me like I had three heads. “Well you just ruined the chance at talking the female you bro, congrats” Vek said. “Just follow through with it, you’re fully committed now. Just gopher it” Jantony added. Well I was sure glad that I had some great friends by my side!

     The message was sent and now it was the moment of truth. Did I ruin my shot at getting to know a presumed to be awesome girl? Or was it the perfect message to kick off a real friendship? Only time would tell. And it would tell pretty soon. I received the first message from Jay about 15 minutes from my first message and I was one confused guy. “She actually replied, Jay actually replied to my message!” I whispered to my friends in disbelief. Vek and Jantony both grabbed my phone looking at a lock screen with a notification saying that I had a new Snap from Jay. So this was that all of us had been waiting for. What could this message possibly say? Did she tell me to go screw myself? Did she just reply with a thanks? Did she even mean to reply? So many questions surrounded this one message, it was truly a grueling moment. Finally, I decided to open up the message and look at the dreaded message. My mind went blank. “Hey and thanks for saying happy birthday also, props to you and that line. It was good.” Jay’s message read. Crap. She actually responded and it was nothing I was ready for. It was the beginning of something that I wanted but also did not know how to go about… a conversation. Having read the message I leaned over to show Vek and Jantony the message. They were in awe. “What” both of them exclaimed. “She actually replied to you, she really just complimented the cheesiest ice breaker on earth” Vek said. “I don’t even know how to continue this conversation. What do I do!?” I told them. “Well I guess just be yourself, the first message was all you so maybe she’s willing to talk to someone like you” Vek reassuringly told me. Now I had to continue this conversation because so much was at stake for me. The story might get a little confusing from this point because believe it or not i’m juggling a conversation with someone; let’s not spoil the story yet. Where was I now. Oh yes! So as my mind rushed with different conversation topics I had to eventually pick one to get an actual conversation going. Obviously I went down the generic route and asked what she was doing. Ha, me being generic? I barely fit into that category anymore. What I really said was “I can’t believe you actually replied. Usually people tend to blow off openers like that and call it a day, but you didn’t.” A few minutes passed and my phone lit up. Jay had replied once again to my surprise. Jay’s message read “Well it’s the courteous thing to do. I’m not going to just blow you off, that would be rude of me”. ‘Wow’ I thought to myself. I already knew this girl was different. She’s not your run of the mill female. She’s something better. At this point I think Jay was trying to figure out who I was because who wouldn’t want to know why a person is interested in talking to them? Jay writes “How did you add me?”. “Oh crap” I tell myself. How the hell do I answer that? Do I actually tell her the truth? Na, that is extremely weird to tell a person you’re getting to know. “Well my friend told me that you were the female version of me, so on the off chance that we could become great friends I decided to add you and yeah”. “What should I say?” I asked Vek and Jantony, as they shrug off my question due to the level of investment they had in the film. “Guess I gotta think of something clever” I thought. “Well you just happened to magically appear on my friends list?” too vague. “I thought you were somebody that I used to know” too Gotye-esque. Then a lightbulb lit up. “I saw you in my quick add list and decided that I should add you because you had an awesome profile bit” perfect. How could that be seen as nothing other than the truth! I sent the message and awaited a response. The Detroit film is beginning to hit its climax and i’m here lost because i’m invested in not screwing up the start of a conversation. My priorities are really in the right place. Jay sends another snap. It says “ oh ok I was just curious”. “Whew that was a close one” I thought in relief. I felt bad leading her on to believe that what I had just sent was the truth but it was honestly better than sending the truth.

                                                        Part 3

       Over the next few days Jay and I conversate with moderation. I tried my best to keep a conversation going but I just simply was not that sure on how to do that. The conversations would be continuous and the replies were coming in at a normal rate but I just simply could not get a feel of emotion from her side. Was she just not interested in talking to me? Maybe she’s just testing the waters. I was getting closer and closer to the conclusion that Jay simply did not want to chat with me. Vek sends me a message “So? How is it going? Is she actually talking to you?”. In fear of being mocked by Vek I told him “Yeah man it’s going great but I just need something to boost the conversation and get some type of emotion from her, any advice?”. Vek replied minutes later saying “Just send her a picture of yourself. She’s probably weirded out that she has no idea how you look”. “NA, you’re bugging out. That’s so weird. How do I even explain that?”. Oddly enough I was given the opportunity to show her how I looked. While on a walk with my dog Jay had sent me a message but it was a struggle to get my dog to stay still so I sent her a video Snap. In the Snap I had explained to her that I was on a walk with my dog and that I would reply back in 10 minutes. Those 10 minutes turned into an hour but that’s a story for another time. Sorry for that Jay, lol. But guess what? It worked! Jay replied with an image of her wardrobe which was a mess but it was a start to a flow of pictures we would send each other. Now our pictures ranged from goofy things like unicorn meat to much more adult stuff like cookie spec pictures! All in all our conversations became much more… real? I was able to tell if a conversation topic was not of much interest more and more and she was becoming more curious about me too! Now it may have been because seeing my face actually made things real. I was no longer just a chain of faceless messages. There was a face behind the goofiness. She might have also found me attractive which in all cases is a plus but let me not make things up. I’ll give myself the benefit of the doubt and say that I am at least a cute person so I guess I could be right? Who knows, maybe i’ll ask her one day.

      This is where your story ends Jay. It’s not one of my best writing pieces but there is truth behind every word on this page. If things continue the way they are we’ll probably meet and who knows where things will go from there. Maybe you find me extremely boring in person. Maybe you find that i’m the perfect friend for you! Whatever the case is i’m extremely glad that I did message you. Even more glad that you answered.   

                                                End note

If you were wondering why I wrote this at such an early time in our friendship it’s because i’m changing everyday that passes( Also if it weirds you out that I wrote something about you i’m sorry that was definitely not my intention lol it’s something new that I’m doing). That isn’t hyperbole lol. A part of me is slowly going crazy and confused at the same time. You might be wondering why? I’ll direct you to another one of my pieces called “Ferry thoughts”. If even after reading this piece and the parent piece you still want to be friends i’ll be more than glad to be the closest friend ever. At a time of such uncertainty in who I will be, I can gladly say that talking to you really does put a smile on my face. Thank you for that Jay. Really.

                                               One more thing:

                              Don’t let global warming break all the ice!

                                                   -Ricardo

P.S. Looking back at this makes me feel a little weird. Who the hell does this lol. But um, I know this girl who might see everything wrong with the world and herself. I also know this guy who wants to make her see what he sees, but doesn’t know how. It might not make sense, but it does.

[marinette-buginette]

The tragic story of too much info about the sexual relationship of your best friends or why Alya will forever regret trying to kill Adrien

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @lunian !!!!!!! Remember when we talked about this? Well, I couldn’t resist writing it. I hope you’ll like it. Crack ahead. And if the title wasn’t a dead giveaway, this has some sexual references in it. Nothing happens, but many are said.

“ADRIEN FUCKING DEAD AGRESTE!”

All the people who were still in the courtyard of the Collège Françoise Dupont run for the hills (or in this case, the school building) as Alya Césaire appeared and walked towards her best friend’s boyfriend with all the might of a storm.

“Dude, I think she means you.” Nino stage-whispered to his best friend as his girlfriend made a beeline towards them.

“But my middle name is Bartholomé.” Adrien argued.

Nino rolled his eyes. His best friend really needed to set his priorities straight. “That’s what worries you?”

Adrien gulped. “Burry me in a polka dotted coffin, please.”

Nino was under the impression he wasn’t kidding in the slightest. “Sure, if there is anything left to bury.”

“There won’t be!” Alya snarled as she lifted Adrien by the neck.

Well, this morning is certainly bound to be interesting, Nino thought.

One day, Marinette will be on time to school. One day. Today wasn’t that day. As Marinette speed walked through the school yard she couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful day it was. The sun was shining, birds were singing, Adrien was being strangled by Alya… wait a second.

“Alya!” Marinette shouted, rushing towards them. “Put him down.”

Her best friend was obviously not happy to have to delay her murder. Meanwhile, Nino considered if he should stop filming the whole thing. If Marinette was here, then maybe there won’t be need of proof for the police for a murder. Though, let’s be real, he would never turn his girlfriend in. He would have just posted the video on YouTube in his collection of An Infinity of Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Piss Alya Off. If he was recalling correctly, this video would be number 2749.

“Alya, what is going on? Why are you strangling my boyfriend.” Marinette questioned crossing her arms, while Adrien was gasping for air on the ground.

“Marinette,“ Alya’s tone was regretful and the sad look in her eyes indicated something bad was coming. “I’m sorry to say this honey, but he is cheating on you.”

And in that moment, Marinette felt her whole world crashing down. “What?! With whom?”

Marinette was dying to hear that answer. Who? Did Adrien really cheat on her? Was it some rabid fangirl who jumped at his bones and Alya just got the wrong impression?

Alya sighed. “With Ladybug.”

Marinette blinked. “Damn.” both her and Adrien whispered maybe a little too loudly. Thus Adrien choked, cause he still didn’t regain his proper breathing.

“That’s… unexpected.” Marinette managed to say, trying to think of something plausible to get them out of this situation. She knew it was a bad idea to make out when only one of them was transformed. Damn Adrien and his filthy thirst for her spots. “It isn’t a problem, though, cause… um… this is… an… open… relationship.”

Oh well, not the worst excuse she could have had come with. Alya crossed her arms obviously expecting an explanation while Nino muttered a ‘dude’ under his breath. That’s when Adrien decided to be a supportive boyfriend.

“Yeah. Marinette has her fun times with Ladybug too,” he said, raising his index finger as if that would help him make a point while he was still laying on the ground.

Why is he like this? Marinette sighed internally.

Alya turned to Marinette with an expression that was a mix of shock and anger. “You are hooking up with Ladybug and you didn’t tell me?!”

Marinette glared down at Adrien, who looked sheepish. “Yeah. And don’t forget about Chat Noir.”

“Chat Noir?” both Alya and Nino screamed simultaneously.

"Yeah,” Marinette stated, looking at Adrien, who finally picked himself off the ground, with a mischievous look. “Why don’t you tell us about your escapades with Chat Noir, Adrien?”

Her boyfriend laughed nervously. “What escapade do you mean?”

Marinette smirked. “Well, you did tell me that Chat Noir found you wearing cute yet sexy Ladybug lingerie.”

At this point, Nino had to turn off his camera, unable to hold his phone anymore. “Dudeeeee.”

Alya, to everybody's surprise, was silent until now. But there was as much as the shock could keep her from asking. "But what about Ladybug?"

"Oh, she thinks the same" Marinette replied calmly while analyzing her nails.

"No, no, I mean, I thought Chat only loves her."

"Oh that... well, who can resist this model ass?" she asked rhetorically while slapping Adrien’s ass for emphasis. Nino nodded vigorously as well. Honestly, wasn’t it universal knowledge everybody loved Adrien’s ass?

Adrien glared at Marinette. Not for smacking his ass, mind you. He loved getting his ass smacked by her. But for making fun of his taste in lingerie. Well, if this is how she wanted to play, so be it then. "Of course. So if we are discussing this topic, why don’t you mention that time when Chat caught you wearing lingerie inspired by his outfit?"

’Well, don’t try hiding the fact that once you begged Ladybug to tie you with her yoyo." Marinette scoffed, trying to hide her blush. That had been an interesting night.

"I need a bucket," Alya muttered, not sure what to think of her friends and her idol anymore.

"YOU CALLED CHAT NOIR'S DICK AS A BATON!" Adrien shouted louder than necessary, while blushing.

"I guess, I need one too" Nino said, wishing he will just forget everything that had been said so far. And from now on, because apparently Marinette and Adrien weren’t done.

"Remember when you told Chat Noir that you want a collar with a bell too?"

"Oh, really Marinette, should I remind you that one time when I walked on you and Ladybug and you were blindfolded?"

Nino glanced at Alya. “Are we kink shaming them now or later?”

"Then you asked us if you can be blindfolded instead and, I quote ‘used as your little sex toy’." that had been a strange day. She had an urge to blindfold herself, Adrien came over unannounced and things escalated quickly and she discovered some new kinks of her boyfriend.

"I guess, if we die right here, right this second, they wouldn’t notice it." Nino states, but Alya was unable to reply anymore, not sure what to make out of this whole conversation.

"You begged Chat Noir to slap you with his tail belt." Adrien argued back, while his face was putting any ripe tomato to shame.

Marinette screeched. "YOU WERE WEARING MY FAVORITE PINK STOCKINGS."

"THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.”

"I’m sure it totally does.”

Adrien scoffed, crossing his arms. “But you can deny they suit me.” he knew she liked them. She even said so that night. They had been a little tight, but she had made him a matching pair better fit for his height.

"Jesus, how many moments like this do they have?" Nino questioned, clearly shocked by how kinky his bro was. And he was sort of afraid fo the answer, if he had to be honest.

"What’s more important, why are we still listening to this mess?" it was Alya’s turn to ask questions that will never get answers. “I’m not even sure if I want to use this thing as blackmail or just erase it from my brain forever.”

"To be honest, it would be much better if Adrien really just cheated on Mari with Ladybug," Nino said hesitantly, obviously scared of Alya's reaction. "I mean, I wouldn’t have forgiven him if he ever did that, but at least, in that case, us, innocent bystanders wouldn’t have to be traumatized for life."

Alya could only nod. Honestly, the mental picture fo Adrien in Ladybug themed lingerie left her with brain damage.

After what seemed like an eternity Adrien and Marinette finished their not so little argument, both huffing and as red in the face as the surface of Mars. Not that anybody would say that out loud, given how much of a nerd Adrien is, he would come with some science facts about the color of the surface of Mars. . "So yeah, we have an open relationship." Marinette concluded, the two of them finally turning to their best friends.

"We got it after the reminder about Chat Noir, thank you." Nino said, sarcastically.

"Now get outta of my sight, my poor brain had dealt enough with your kinks for now and forever." Alya ordered waving her hand desperately while rubbing her temple with her free hand.

"Well, if you didn’t want to kill me, none of this would have happened.” Adrien said with a smug smirk.

Alya snarled. "Next time neither Marinette or even fucking Ladybug won’t stop me, Agreste."

Adrien gulped. Marinette slapped him compassionately on the ass.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Chapter 12: Roxy 

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of abuse and neglect including one description of a specific incident, mentions of substance (alcohol) abuse 

Author’s Note: Just gonna leave this here  http://mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005607 for no particular reason 

FIRST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

“You’re — you know Ramona Lalonde?”

Rose allowed herself a small laugh at Kanaya’s expression. They, along with Karkat and Dave (who, true to his word, was…well, he was out of the room, at least) were sitting on the couches in the main room, chatting, and Rose had mentioned her aunt in passing.  

“She’s a member of the family,” Rose said. “She’s in Europe right now, but she is our - my, Dave, and Dirk’s - aunt. Which, for those not familiar with human family structures, means she is our mother’s sister.” Rose smiled at Kanaya. “I take it you’ve read some of her works, then?”

“Yes!” Kanaya blurted out. Her cheeks colored slightly with a lovely shade of green, and she visibly tried to restrain herself. “That is, I, erm.” Kanaya twisted her long fingers in the fabric of her dress. “I’ve always had a taste for, erm, a certain genre of literature —“ Karkat snorted.

“Trashy rainbow drinker books,” he said, barely hiding a smile of his own.

“They are not trashy!” Kanaya said. “And anyway, you hardly have any right to be criticizing my taste in literature!”

“Hey, no, I have the best fucking taste in literature, fuck you —“

“As I was saying,” Kanaya continued. “I enjoy books featuring…a certain mythological figure in our own culture known as a rainbow drinker, and a little while after I came to Earth, I learned that you have a similar creature in your own mythology. I believe you call them vampires?”

Dave snorted. It was the most he’d participated in the conversation since coming downstairs.

“Oh, hush,” Kanaya said, her face coloring a bit more. “Anyway, I asked at a bookstore about any such books, and someone suggested Fangs for the Memories, and, well, I ended up enjoying it so much, that I tore through several other of her works! I couldn’t really get my head around Complacency of the Learned, it may just be a bit beyond my grasp, but her lighter works have been wonderful reads! And — and you’re really related?”

Rose nodded. Before she could answer, though, Dave interrupted.

“Wait, Complacency of the — isn’t that the fuckin’ weird-ass rated-R Harry Potter thing?”

“There’s a lot more to it than that,” Rose said dryly, “but it probably is the book you are thinking of, yes.”

Dave snickered. “Jesus, this family’s fuckin’ weird,” he muttered.

“What the fuck is Harry Potter?” Karkat said.

“It’s like. These books about a wizard school or something that got really fuckin’ popular? I dunno, I never read ‘em. Saw one of the movies at like two in the morning once when Bro was out, but that’s all I got.”

“Oh. Wizards,” Karkat said, looking around at the decor of the main room. “Dunno what I expected in this fucking family, but that’s about the least surprising answer I could have gotten.”

“Well, as rumor would have it,” Rose said, “If anyone were to write about magic with any sort of authority, dear Aunt Ramona would be the one.”

“I’ve heard that,” Kanaya said, leaning in with a hushed, excited whisper. “People say she’s…dangerous, that she tinkers with dark forces beyond our understanding.”

“They certainly do say that,” said Rose. “Whether it’s true or not, I couldn’t tell you. But she does certainly have an air of mystery to her. From what I’ve gathered, even our father is a bit frightened of her.”

“Wait, what?” said Dave. “I dunno about that, Rose. I didn’t see the guy act scared of anyone in ten years.”

“You haven’t seen Aunt Ramona in ten years, either, by the sound of it,” Rose retorted. “Which isn’t surprising, I suppose. Ever since Roxy was old enough to take care of herself, more or less, she’s been abroad most of the time. I think she’s in France at the moment, although it can be hard to tell, with her aversion to being captured on film, and all.”

“If she’s family,” Karkat said, his voice carrying a scornful bite that made Rose narrow her eyes, “then why is it so hard to know where she is? Wouldn’t she fucking check in or whatever?”

“Not very often,” Rose said. “Aunt Ramona is…not on the best of terms with Mom. They love each other, don’t get me wrong, but Ramona is not exactly a patient woman. She could only stand so much of watching her sister slowly drown herself in increasingly extravagant spirits, and, frankly, I can’t say I blame her. She checks in with Roxy now and then, and with us even less frequently, but she’s hardly required to babysit her sister forever, and it’s not her responsibility if a grown woman wants to completely give herself over to alcohol.”

Dave shifted uncomfortably. “Fuck, man,” he muttered, in an oddly distant voice, “tell us what you really think about Mom, no need to be so fuckin’ nice about her. Jesus Christ.”

“Easy for you to say,” Rose snapped, making both the trolls and Dave jump. “You didn’t have to grow up with her constantly stumbling around half out of her mind!”

“Shit, did I say that out — fuck, sorry, you’re right, sorry,” Dave said, quickly. “I mean, she doesn’t seem all that bad to me, I guess, but I honestly remember approximately jack shit of what life here was like, so I kinda got no frame of reference, it just —”

“She’s just a harmless fucking woman who wants to hug people and cry a lot, what the fuck is your problem?!” Karkat spat. Dave made a soft, distressed noise, but Rose spoke before he could say anything.

“What I said to Dave goes double for you,” she said. “You’re not even from this planet, you barely know what parents are, and you’ve no right to tell me how to feel about my mother.”

“I’m not asking you to drop down and worship the ground she fucking walks, here,” Karkat said. “I don’t give a shit how you feel about her, you can feel however you want! But maybe cut her some fucking slack? At least she’s trying!”

“Oh, yes, she does try. Remind me to get out the participation awards to lavish her with, since she is trying so hard. So hard that she’s made not the slightest bit of effort to sober up long enough to participate in basic events in the lives of the children she’s supposed to be raising. Why, she’s practically Mother of the Year! How wrong I’ve been!”

With a sound like wind mixed with television static, Dave was gone. In the time it took Rose to process that he’d flashstepped away, she heard the noise of his bedroom door clicking shut.

“Oh, God damn it. Dave!” she called out, intending to ask him to come back down.

Karkat stood before she could finish, fists balled up tersely. “Fucking leave him be, too, why don’t you,” he growled.

“Karkat, can we not do this,” Kanaya said, but to no avail.

“Honestly,” Karkat said, “You keep acting like you’re so fucking world weary and dragged down by everyone else, but you’re half the fucking problem here!”

“Me?!” Rose said, standing up and glaring down her nose at him. “Excuse me for not just complacently sitting back and watching my mother destroy herself without being upset!”

“It’s not just your mother, first of all,” Karkat said. “If looks could kill, your entire family’d be dead by now! You get mad at Dave over shit he does because he’s had doing it beaten into him, and I don’t even know where the hostility you have against Dirk comes from, but —“

“I don’t act hostile toward Dirk, what the hell are you talking about?” Rose said. “The worst I’ve done to Dirk is to justifiably get on his case for trying to act like he’s the one in charge, when he barely knows what he’s doing half the time. That’s not hostility, that’s just being siblings! As for Dave, how are you so sure you know why he’s doing these things out of that? You barely know him!”

“He blocks his bedroom door with a chair,” Karkat said, his voice low, “because Strider  would sometimes burst into his room, and locking the door wasn’t enough to stop him. The chair didn’t either, but it slowed him down enough to not get taken completely by surprise. He told me that the day I met him,” he continued, his eyes fierce, “And every moment I spent in that fucking hiveblock only convinced me that Dave was completely right. What do I have to do to get you to fucking understand how fucking scared he is?!” Karkat shouted.

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rose hissed. “He’s got nothing to be afraid of here! He’s perfectly safe!”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that,” Karkat said. “And with you and your brother constantly at each other’s throats — which you are, by the fucking way, don’t think I haven’t noticed just because you two are fucking subtle about it, every time you two are in the same room there’s always some sort of fucking resentment lurking behind every other word — and add that on to your mother constantly appearing out of nowhere, and you always three seconds from getting mad at him, of course he’s having a hard time figuring it out! Everything here is different and he doesn’t know what to expect, and as if that isn’t scary enough, you’re making it worse!”

“What would you have me do, then,” Rose said, “Just stand by and let him seal himself away? Be like my Aunt Ramona, leave my sibling to his self destruction without intervening?”

“I’m saying you need to be patient, dammit,” Karkat said. “He was coming out on his own. Give him space to get used to it, and he’ll start coming around and eventually figure out he’s not in danger. Forcing him to come out before he’s ready is just gonna scare him more!”

Rose snorted.

“You can’t bully him into recovering from this,” said Karkat. “There’s a time and place for yelling at people until they start helping themselves. Fuck, I’ve done that before, I get it, but this is not that fucking time and place.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Rose retorted. “The alien with his volume setting locked at two clicks past the maximum thinks he can lecture me about patience.”

“Oookay,” Kanaya said, standing. “I think this discussion has gotten quite angry enough. Could we perhaps reconvene on this matter later, or something? We’ve already scared away one person, and I fear I’m growing quite uncomfortable myself, and, um.”

Rose sighed. “I’m sorry, Kanaya, you’ve been very patient. I will admit I lost my temper a bit, there,” she said, flashing her best ‘this-is-called-being-the-bigger-person’ glare at Karkat, “And I think I’d better be alone for a time in order to cool off. If you want to know more about our Aunt, I’d be glad to answer more questions later.”

She turned on her heel, ignoring Kanaya whispering angrily to Karkat, who hissed something back. Rose paused at the foot of the stairs. “Damn, almost forgot,” she said, “Roxy will be visiting tomorrow. She’s our cousin. She’ll likely be here before Dirk and I get back from school; she’s got a spare key and the code to the garage, so she’ll just let herself in, most likely.”

“It’ll be a pleasure, I’m sure!” Kanaya said with a forced smile.

Roxy was so fucking ready for this. Like, hyper-ready. UBER-ready. She had this shit on lockdown.

Well, okay, actually, she had no idea what she was doing, but she was still feeling pretty confident.

Anticipation rode in her stomach like a butterfly on fifteen cans of pure caffeine for the entire drive to her cousins’ house. She was seeing one of her cousins for the first time in twelve years, and she was pumped as hell, if a little bit nervous.

She’d spent about two hours the night before looking around on online forums about how to help kids dealing with trauma and abuse, and from what she could tell, the general consensus was to be patient, let ‘em run off to whatever space they had that could be their own little safe space if they need to, and ask before doing anything like touching or hugging or stuff like that. Which was gonna be hard, because she wanted to hug the poor kid for approximately fifty years, but if he wasn’t okay with that, then she’d fuckin’ deal. Hug the cat a bunch of times instead, or something.

Roxy was practically vibrating by the time she pulled up into the driveway and parked the car. As she was opening the front door, she heard a gravelly voice, halfway through a sentence, talking inside the house’s main room.

“—about it, Rose mentioned something about your…cousin, I think she called it? Coming over for a visit.”

“Hi, yeah, that’s me, I’m the cousin!!” Roxy called, shoving her arm through the opening and waving excitedly. She let herself in and locked the door behind her, before whirling around, the pink tips of her hair batting her in the face as she did. Three people were on the couches: a lady troll in a pretty dress, a dude troll in an oversized sweater sitting across from her, and one grown up baby cousin seated next to the dude troll.

Grinning, she bounced over, then stopped herself short in front of him. “Heeeyyy- wait, shit, almost forgot!” she said, pulling her arms back from the hugging position they’d gone straight into. Had to keep it at least a little cool, here. “Is it gonna totally freak you out if I hug you?”

“Uh,” said Dave, “It’s…fine, I guess?”

“Good, cuz I’m ‘bout to hug the shit outta you,” Roxy said, and hugged the shit out of him. He made a slightly bewildered noise, and the troll next to him recoiled slightly. Letting go (for now), Roxy flopped down on the couch next to Dave, still smiling. “God, I’m so excited to see you! You probably don’t remember me at all, though, you were pretty little last time you saw me, and, agh, you’re so big now, look at you!! Ugh, listen to me, ‘you’ve gotten so big,’ what am I, your grandma? Whatthefuckever, you’re here, hey!!” She hugged him again, this time a little gentler, around the shoulders. (Did she imagine him leaning it into that time? Probably, but. Maybe not!!!) “So, I’m Roxy, and we’re cousins, and I’m gonna try real hard not to start bawling and ruin my makeup, but in case it’s not clear yet, I’m stoked as hell to be seeing you.”

“Kinda got that impression, yeah,” Dave said. Kid had one hell of a pokerface, damn, he’d give Dirk a run for his money.

“You’re allowed to tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable, bee-tee-dubs,” she whispered conspiratorially to Dave. “Like, if I cross a line on accident, just go ‘Roxy, fuck off’ and I’ll step right on back over that line all smart-like.” Dave snorted softly.

“Got it,” he said, his lips twitching slightly into an almost-smile.

Introductions flew by quickly. Roxy tried to ignore the suspicious glares that Karkat was throwing her way; she remembered his name as being the one Dirk had said Dave actually trusted a lot, so, best to try and get on his good side. He was a cute little thing, with his little blunt horns and those big teeth sticking out almost as messily as his hair, and Roxy could see why Dave might take to him.

As the conversation progressed, both Karkat and Dave’s tension levels seemed to drop. Karkat refocused on some movie that was playing on the weirdest laptop Roxy had ever seen, and Kanaya picked up a sketchbook and made herself busy, occasionally interjecting with her own comments. Dave was…really hard to read, but Roxy did her best to drop any topic he seemed uncomfortable getting into, no matter how badly she wanted to know what he’d been through. She was a stranger to him, she had to keep that in mind, and he’d talk when he was ready.  

“I’d been hoping to get in touch with you online, too,” she said at one point, “But I think I rushed into it a bit? I messaged you soon as I got your username from Dirk, but you blocked me straight away, I think. Couldn’t get any messages through to you!”

“Well, yeah, I did that whenever I got a message from someone whose handle I didn’t recognize,” Dave said. “I mean, keeping in touch with friends and catching up with Rose and Dirk was kinda one thing, but. I was already breaking rules just by talking to people online at all, and I got why he didn’t want me doing that. Might accidentally give shit away, or something.”

“Did he catch you?” Roxy said. “All I know is that you just sorta vanished one day, and that’s what we assumed happened.”

Dave glanced away with a very small, nervous sound. His thumb absently traced the white scar on his cheek. Karkat’s eyes widened a bit at the movement, then narrowed.

“Shit, whoops, I didn’t think that one through,” said Roxy. “That’s probably a touchy subject, isn’t it? You don’t gotta answer.”

Dave replied with a quiet ‘thanks,’ and Roxy steered dutifully away from that topic, chattering instead about whatever came to mind. Dave didn’t seem to want to talk much at all about his home life with Derek, which was fine and about what Roxy had expected after reading the forums. Rose and Dirk seemed to be uncomfortable subjects, too, which did not bode well. She’d have to ask the trolls about them later.

Despite her best efforts to be careful, Dave grew distant after a while, and quietly excused himself, disappearing upstairs. Roxy turned to Karkat as soon as she heard the door close.

“I’m not coming on too strong, am I?” she asked. Karkat blinked at her. “Like, I’m excited as all fuck, and I know I can go overboard with this stuff sometimes. Is he just giving himself a timeout, or am I freaking him out, do you think? You’re the one who’s had the most luck with him, right?”

“I wouldn’t call it luck so much as I’m the only one who bothers to actually pay fucking attention,” Karkat grumbled. “But…no, I don’t think you’re scaring him.”

“He excuses himself all the time with us,” Kanaya added. “Usually a few minutes after something comes up to make him uncomfortable, but sometimes it seems like it’s just because a certain amount of time has passed.”

“He spent practically all his time in his block with Strider,” Karkat said. “It’s like I’ve said to Kanaya, he probably just gets overwhelmed.”

“Yeah, that’s about what I expected,” said Roxy. “All the shit I’ve read about kids dealing with trauma went something along those lines, y’know? Will he be back down, or is he done for the day?”

“He might come back,” said Kanaya. “He usually does, until Rose or Dirk get home.”

“God dammit,” Roxy said, startling both the trolls at her volume. “Are they being assholes? Fuck’s sake.”

“‘Assholes’ is putting it nicely, if you ask me,” Karkat grumbled darkly. “I’ve met rabid cholerbears who handled delicate situations better than them.”

“Oh, brother,” Roxy groaned. “Let me guess: Rose is being real fuckin’ impatient and trying to pick a fight over just about anything, and Dirk’s off being the cool mysterious lurker again. Yeah?”

“Thats…pretty accurate, yeah,” Kanaya said.

“UUUUUGH. God, these cousins of mine,” Roxy said. “I love them to death, but boy can they be ridiculous.”

“To be fair, I don’t think they mean to be,” Kanaya said. Karkat snorted.

“Oh, they definitely don’t,” said Roxy. “But despite being some of the smartest people I know, they’re a pair of idiots. They, like. They like to assume they know what’s going on, especially Rose, and it’s an uphill goddamn battle trying to get them to see things the other way, especially once Rose gets pissed.” Karkat was staring at Roxy, wide-eyed, like she’d just passed on the meaning of life, or something. “Like, it comes from a place of love in this case, I’m sure it does!” she added. “But that’s really only a starting point, and it’s not gonna be enough with poor Dave, after whatever he’s been through.”

“Holy shit, that’s what I’ve been trying to explain to them,” Karkat said. “But Dirk’s never around for long, and doesn’t trust me, which is fucking fine because I don’t trust him, either, and Rose always turns everything around to the fact that I yell all the time!”

“I mean,” Kanaya said, “I can kind of understand her point there? If Dave’s come from a home with the kind of turbulence you’ve aluded to, I can understand him being anxious with your tendency to shout.”

“He doesn’t have a problem with volume, Kanaya,” Karkat said. “I’ve been talking to him the same way I talk to everyone else the entire fucking time I’ve known him, and guess what? He doesn’t have a problem with it at all. It’s more like…atmosphere he has a problem with. Strider wasn’t loud, hell, he barely made a sound at all, that’s what made him so fucking scary!”

“So, like,” Roxy interjected. “Should I try and be noisy when I move around him, then? D’you think that’d help? Make sure he knows where I am?”

“Probably,” Karkat said with a shrug. “Honestly, it’s hard to get Dave to admit that anything bugs him, but he’s never complained or flinched or anything about me stomping around, so.”

“Okay, good to know,” Roxy said. “As for Rose and Dirk, I’ll try and talk with them before I leave tonight, kay? See if I can’t get them to rethink things.”

“Thank fuck,” Karkat said.

(Never one to make a promise she didn’t plan on keeping, Roxy made sure to talk to Rose and Dirk before leaving. Rose had seemed kind of annoyed at Roxy’s suggestion to maaaaybe chill out just a little bit with Dave, but said she’d try, at least. Dirk seemed more thoughtful, especially at the idea that making noise around Dave might actually be a good thing. Hopefully, things would get better, but Roxy was fully prepared to be visiting on the regular, just to make sure. With cousins this stubborn, you could never be too careful.)

After Roxy had gone home, Karkat went to check on Dave. The kid had come out of his room a few more times, spending a bit longer outside each time and, to Karkat’s surprised delight, actually did seem like he was getting more comfortable around Roxy. (Karkat himself begrudgingly had to admit, this particular ‘family’ person was…pretty great.) Still, he was clearly exhausted by the end of the day, and Karkat wanted to just…make sure he was right.

That, and he’d noticed something that had sparked his curiosity.

He ended up in Dave’s room, sitting on the floor and idly chatting as Dave lay on his back on his sleeping platform.

Eventually, Dave sighed. “Okay, whatever question you’re sitting on is lighting a fire under your ass, dude, I can smell it roasting away from over here. Just hurry up and ask it, already, before you fuckin’ burn everyone’s breakfast.”

“I…shouldn’t,” Karkat said. “I’m not enough of an asshole to go prying into other peoples’ personal shit, curiosity or not, and I’m not sure it’s something you want to talk about. You went really quiet when it almost came up with Roxy.”

“I don’t know Roxy, man,” Dave said. “I mean, I like her, but I ain’t known her long enough to be comfortable talking about some things. Haven’t known you long either, sure, but…I dunno, you’re easy to talk to, I guess?” Dave muttered something Karkat couldn’t make out over the pounding of his pump biscuit. Stupid definitely-not-a-pale-crush, now was not the time to get all sappy over an admission of trust. He’d spent enough time with humans and witnessing some of their media by now to get that humans were idiotically trusting in general, it didn’t necessarily mean anything. “Look,” Dave continued, “all your fidgeting is making me nervous just watching you. Go ahead and ask the question, get it off your chest, and if I ain’t comfortable answering, I’ll say so.”

Karkat took a deep breath. “I guess I just…feel a little confused, about some of the things you said about talking to people online.” Dave stiffened slightly, and again, Karkat watched his hand shift (mindlessly, it seemed) to cover the scar across his cheek, just like it had before. “You mentioned that you knew you were breaking a really dangerous rule, but why risk talking to your friends if you knew how much trouble you’d be in? You haven’t exactly been the reckless type in the time I’ve known you, it just feels fucking weird to me.”

Dave was very quiet for a long moment. “I guess I just…” he said, slow and thoughtful, “Kinda needed to talk to someone, y’know?”

Another long, quiet moment. Karkat almost started to talk, but Dave continued suddenly, “Maybe I’m just…too fuckin’ weak to be the fuckin’ warrior Bro wanted of me, I dunno. But John and Jade…I could just talk to them without having to worry about swords or about always being perfectly fucking composed or whatever. Just be a stupid fucking kid for a little while, you know? The only other people around were Bro, Be- uh, some of his guys, maybe whoever worked at whatever apartment building or motel we were at that time, maybe a guy working a corner store. And that was it, that’s all I had to talk to, and it was fucking exhausting, man. I guess at the time it was worth the risk just to feel…”

“Happy?” Karkat offered.

“…Human,” Dave said, softly.

Karkat blinked. “As opposed to what? How do you not feel human?”

Dave shrugged. “I dunno, man, I spend a lot of time just going around on autopilot. Feeling numb, because it’s better than having to deal with…shit I’m not strong enough to handle.”

“…And you’re still doing that?”

“Not today, so much,” Dave said. “Today was nice. Roxy’s easy to hang with, like, I can fuckin’ worry a little less and relax a tiny fuckin’ bit, same as with you.” Dave snorted. “Wow, fuck, that sounded a lot gayer out loud than it did in my head, what the fuck.”

Karkat quirked an eyebrow, but decided not to comment.

Silence stretched before them again. Dave rolled over and half buried his face in his sleeping cushion.

“He caught me, talkin’ to Jade at three in the morning,” he said. “Totally flipped out on me. I mean, I knew he would be mad if he ever caught me, but I wasn’t expecting…” He shifted his grip tighter on the sleeping cushion, his voice slightly muffled, but his mouth just uncovered enough that Karkat still heard every word. “Any time I broke a rule, made a mistake, whatever, the deal was always the same. Grab your sword, meet me on the roof, we settle this with blades. And it sucked, but I could deal with it, you know? Try and redeem myself by fighting back well enough to prove I’m not a total failure, ‘cept he always totally kicked my ass, but that was my fault for not being better. This time, though, he totally fuckin’ snapped. I’ve never seen him that angry, man, not before, not since. He didn’t even let me grab my sword, just dragged me off to the roof unarmed. Gave me this,” he gestured at the white line on his cheek, “and a few others, slapped the flat of the blade over my back a few times, and while I was too fuckin sore n’ dizzy to do anything about it, he broke my phone and my laptop right in front of me. Couldn’t hardly move for a week afterwards.”

“Fuck,” Karkat whispered.

“I guess…” Dave said. “I mean, I probably got no right to tell anyone how to handle parenting shit, since I’m still a fuckin’ dumbass kid, but. If there was ever a time he went too far, I think that mighta been it, y’know?”

“I think I can see why you never tried to contact anyone online afterwards, that’s for fucking sure,” Karkat said. “Holy fuck, Dave.”

“It was just the one time, though,” he said, softly. “I think he felt bad about it. He didn’t try and make me strife him or anything for a good two weeks afterward, so.”

“Yeah, and that just makes it all fucking better,” Karkat grumbled. “Dave, holy shit, I was literally raised by a goddamn animal and my lusus sure as fuck never did anything near that vicious to me, what the fuck!”

“Sorry,” Dave mumbled. “I dunno why I told you all that, sorry, fuck.”

“It’s fine,” Karkat said, “holy shit, I’m not mad at you, okay? I’m mad that your fucking guardian thought this was remotely okay, and I’m mad about a lot of other shit, too, but not at you.”

“Kay,” Dave said, his face now fully buried in the sleeping cushion. Karkat, after a moment’s hesitation, rested his hand on Dave’s shoulder. Karkat didn’t miss Dave flinch slightly at the touch, but the human didn’t pull away, nor did he raise his head.

“Fuck, I dunno why I’m choosing now of all times to have a goddamned moment,” said Dave. “You don’t deserve to put up with this shit, man, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t mind,” said Karkat. “It’s fine, Dave, really.”

“I’m,” said Dave, swallowing thickly, “I’m sorry, man, I just. I think I need to be alone a while.”

“…Alright,” said Karkat. “Just come get me if you change your mind, okay? Even if it’s the middle of the night, or whatever. Fuck knows I don’t sleep on this planet anyway, so it’s not like you have to worry about waking me up.”

Dave made an affirmative noise. Karkat left the room with a feeling of guilt crawling in the depths of his hunger sack.

—That hand on his shoulder had felt, for a moment, like the nicest goddamn thing in the entire world. He’d been lying, he hadn’t wanted Karkat to leave at all, but —

But it was too much. If he’d let the guy stay, fuck knew what would’ve happened. He’d already spilled his guts about that night talking to Jade, and the poor bastard was involved in this shit enough, he didn’t deserve any of that. Didn’t deserve to deal with some asshole human he barely knew crying all over him like the fucking loser he was.

And he was, he was a complete fucking disaster. Every time Roxy’d hugged him, he’d had to fight off the old urges he’d been suppressing for years, to be a complete clingy asshole and beg for more affection. He didn’t need it, he was strong, it was fine. Except, it wasn’t fine, because being hugged like that, without the suddenness he was getting used to from Mom, it felt warm and safe and every time he’d wanted to melt into it, and Karkat’s hand resting on his shoulder had almost pushed him over the edge.

He couldn’t let that happen, he just couldn’t.

Besides, making friends and getting attached was only gonna make shit harder for both of them when he had to leave.

Or he could stay.

Haha. Yeah, right.

Dave groaned, and tried desperately to stop thinking.

[merlinficreview]

Broken Chemistry (part six)

Oh boy, more of this. On the bright side, we make it past the halfway point of the story with this review, which means this will all be over eventually. All right, enough stalling. Let’s do this.

This chapter opens to our boys being the best of platonic friends by spooning on Merlin’s bed for no apparent reason: “Arthur’s body tightened around [Merlin], pressing him into the mattress much as he had when Merlin had to wake him up for their flight.” Just best buddy bro pals, guys. Happens all the time. Nothing to see here.

Seriously, though, these two need to just start fucking and get it over with already. This insistence on just being friends even though they obviously want to shove their hands down each other’s pants got old real fast. It’s not sexual tension at this point; it’s just annoying.

It turns out that Arthur never went to bed last night because daddy dearest found out that he was AWOL and I guess chewed him out over the phone or something. Merlin bitches at Arthur for coming into his room to sleep there instead of going to his own room (I agree, Merlin, this is bullshit on Arthur’s part), and Arthur shuts him up by putting his hand over Merlin’s mouth before promptly falling asleep. It’s juvenile and shows a complete disregard for Merlin’s personal space, which is typical Arthur in this fic, I guess. Merlin gives it up as a lost cause and goes back to sleep himself.

They wake up to Merlin’s phone going off and both of them roll off the bed. For comedy reasons, I guess. Turns out they slept through the entire morning (don’t they have work to do for this bullshit internship?) and Gwaine is the one calling. Arthur wanders away mad to go get dressed, and Merlin answers the phone to get the following greeting: “MERLIN! Have you been thoroughly ravished, yet?”

…okay. Gwaine puts Merlin on speaker phone so he can talk to Lancel and Morgana, who are also there. They briefly joke about Arthur and Merlin sleeping together before moving on to other topics, like how the internship is going (it apparently hasn’t started yet, which is stupid, since they had their orientation thing already) and Gwaine’s video that he’s making for some reason (I guess that’s why he was filming them getting ready before that last party? I don’t know or care).

Merlin tells them about the apartment before talk turns to the lovely Freya and Mithian. Gwaine gets cartoonishly upset (allcaps and all) about Arthur leading Merlin on or something before Morgana shuts him up and Merlin starts talking about Arthur’s little sleepover on Merlin’s bed. Him flopping all over Merlin is apparently some sort of big breakthrough according to Lancel, because “As long as he and Gwen were together, she never managed to break through his armor. Instead of seeking an outlet or venting, he bottled it up. It seems you’ve found a way in.” Guys, I don’t think Arthur being overly physical with Merlin for no good reason means that he’s showing vulnerability. I think it just means he’s a dick with no sense of Merlin’s personal space, and Merlin is too much of a pushover to do anything about it.

Arthur comes back, and he chats with the group while Merlin goes and gets ready for the day himself, including this: “Merlin sniffed his own shirt, and left it, as well as Arthur’s scent, on his body.”

Gross. Nothing about body odor is cute, and keeping on the shirt you slept in because it smells like your boyfriend’s B.O. is nasty. He goes to the kitchen to get started on making “their midday breakfast” which honestly confused me for a moment when I read it because Merlin specifically says earlier in this chapter that he and Arthur got up at two. 2pm is not midday. That’s squarely in the “afternoon” category. Midday to me is noon, maybe stretching an hour in either direction. This is probably nitpicky on my part, but whatever. Confusing shit is still confusing.

And speaking of confusing, we get some really strange dialogue following this, and I keep getting the impression that these people are just talking at each other rather than with each other:

“’Oh shut it! Merlin, keep your eyes on him. One minute he’s boiling water and the next the fireman’s asking how he managed to burn water.’

His giggles caught when Arthur yanked him against his body to be in the frame. He blushed against the smirks his friends cast them. ’My smoothies will always be better than yours, sister,’ Arthur shot back.

Morgana tossed her hair over her shoulder. ‘Yes, because it takes such brilliance to pulverize fruit. I thought you were a chemist?’

Merlin provided, ‘His chemistry’s fine. It’s the art of cooking he can’t fathom.’

Arthur shook his head in resignation. ‘Fortunately I have a residential artist.’ Merlin’s shoulder lifted as Arthur hugged him closer.”

I don’t know if it’s just me, but most of the dialogue in this feels so disjointed. I guess this is supposed to be witty banter, but it just feels awkward and like these characters are barely on the same wavelength.

Their thoughts hardly connect and it feels more like they’re talking to themselves rather than another person. And Arthur is really into smoothies, I guess, because that’s really the only food he talks about besides steak in this fic. It’s quite annoying. I also don’t understand why Morgana is calling Arthur a chemist here. I thought Merlin was the bullshit chemist for this stupid trip along with Freya. And regardless of whether she’s referring to Arthur or Merlin as the “chemist,” taking one chemistry class where you do no actual chemistry does not a chemist make, sorry. I also thought this was a phone call, not skype or some other form of video call, which I assumed was why they kept talking about putting people on speaker. You don’t put video calls on speaker. I have no idea how Gwaine, Morgana, and Lancel can see Merlin and Arthur, which is why Arthur’s manhandling of Merlin in this scene is more uncomfortable than usual. There’s no “frame” for Merlin to be in, so there’s no reason for Merlin and Arthur to be super close like this. Were they facetiming this whole time? I’m so confused.

Anyway, everyone says their goodbyes and since Arthur and Merlin have nothing better to do with their time because this whole internship thing is just an excuse for these two to take a vacation together, they decide to go to the beach. Arthur makes smoothies (of course), and we get treated to some more digging around in the thesaurus from SCD07 because when Arthur gets all of whatever ingredients he’s using for smoothies into the blender, “They both grimaced at the onslaught of cacophony the device caused.” That’s not how you use those words, dear. That sentence makes no sense whatsoever.

Arthur gets upset that Merlin isn’t wearing shorts to the beach for some reason, so he rummages around in Merlin’s underwear until he finds a pair of briefs and a pair of boxers, telling Merlin to wear the briefs as underwear and the boxers as shorts. He doesn’t need you dictating what he wears, Arthur. It’s not like someone will die because he’s wearing jeans. And this kind of controlling behavior? Not cute. At all. Merlin feels self-conscious around Arthur once his legs are bare because Arthur’s all tan and buff while Merlin is all pale and skinny and delicate (ugh). They put on sunscreen: “it took Merlin several minutes just to rub it into one leg well enough so he didn’t look like a tribal painted figure.” Not the best word choice there. Between that, the all black people look the same bit, and the implication that Merlin could only have eaten lotus roots while visiting Asia in previous chapters (because where else would one eat such strange, ~exotic~ food?), we’re not doing so hot on the whole race and stereotyping thing. Might want to work on that.

Merlin decides to keep his shirt on, which makes Arthur curious about those scars again. Just leave it alone, dude. He’ll tell you about it when he’s ready. Arthur gets lost in the lull of the beach and doesn’t realize Merlin has wandered off until he tries to get Merlin to eat some of the food they brought along. Merlin apparently only drank his smoothie before calling it quits. Sigh. Pretty much everything having to do with food in this fic really makes me uncomfortable because Merlin continually refuses to eat much of anything, and when he gives a reason for it, it’s either bullshit (mono) or an excuse that sounds like it came straight from a list of warning signs for an eating disorder. It’s really frustrating because it’s just written off like it’s nothing, kind of like how Arthur’s abusive behavior is written off or romanticized. They decide to leave the beach so Merlin can get cooking, which makes no sense because they just ate (well, Arthur did), but whatever, I’ll roll with it.

There’s a scene with them prepping food (steaks again, it seems), and Merlin’s apparent shortness is emphasized while they talk. This bothers me too, mostly because it’s a common trope in Merlin fandom, usually done to feminize Merlin. In the show, he’s just as tall if not slightly taller than Arthur. In fandom, he’s short and delicate so big, buff, tall, manly man Arthur can rescue little feminine Merlin from the evils of the world. Ugh, spare me.

Merlin puts pepper infused oil on Arthur’s lip for some reason, which causes Arthur to drink milk directly from the carton (gross, please don’t do this) and pinch Merlin in the side. Guess what, Merlin is ticklish! They chase each other around like children until Arthur manages to catch Merlin and pin him down. Their roughhousing gets interrupted by a knock at the door. Arthur finds a mysterious “lightning burst” scar on Merlin’s back and is curious again, but says nothing about it. The knock was from Mithian and Freya, who were curious about the racket Arthur and Merlin were making. The girls are of course invited over for dinner, and they rave about Merlin’s cooking. Got to remind us that he’s amazing at everything, in case you forgot for a second. They all decide to go clubbing that evening, because young people apparently do nothing else for fun, but they want to walk the boardwalk before sundown first.

We find out that Arthur doesn’t like having his photo taken, but Merlin snaps a secret shot of him anyway because of course he does. They get to the club and get drinks (I think? The way it’s worded is strange), before Mithian and Merlin leave to go dance together, leaving Arthur and Freya alone at their table. Freya gets tired right away (talking to Arthur would put me to sleep too, Freya), and Arthur gets up to go find Merlin and Mithian so they can leave. He finds them in a corner, and Arthur can’t believe his eyes: “Merlin, the skinny, gangly, stubborn yet fragile Merlin was dancing as if…well, he was dancing like he was at a club, only he looked as if he was paid to encourage better dance skills just by being present.” We get it. Merlin is great at everything, including cooking, dancing, singing, art, whatever. Let’s move on from this. Please.

Merlin and Mithian get knocked around by another dancer, and Arthur comes to save the day with his big buff self, and they all leave. The girls go home, and Arthur starts a fight with Merlin about dancing with Mithian because he’s a jealous douche who can’t stand to see Merlin having fun with anyone but him. He also says Merlin dances “like a fairy” and I’m honestly not sure if he means the creature

or the slur for gay men. Either way, yikes. Not the best word choice.

Merlin says that he would’ve said yes to Arthur if he’d been the one to ask him to dance, to which Arthur replies, “Kings do not dance with fairies, Merlin.” …okay? Not really sure what the hell that means. Let’s sum this little interaction and what it means in terms of Arthur and Merlin’s relationship up, though, shall we? Merlin’s friends are all Arthur’s friends. He doesn’t appear to have any others besides Will, whom we do not speak of, and now Mithian and Freya, with whom he never interacts without Arthur’s presence. Hmm, social isolation is not a good start. Arthur has started to dictate what Merlin can wear (and often what he eats as well), he has no sense of Merlin’s personal space and manhandles him at every opportunity, and he gets jealous when Merlin goes and has a good time without him around. He also degrades him all the time by calling him names and has shown that he has no problem getting physical with Merlin when he’s mad. Not exactly a healthy, loving relationship when put in simple terms like that, is it? Stop romanticizing abuse, authors. It’s fucking disgusting.

Chapter 15

Merlin wakes up to Arthur’s “cacophonous attempts of making breakfast.” At least the word is used correctly this time. Merlin drags himself out of bed to help Arthur make coffee: “’Coffee beans. Water. Button,’ Merlin narrated groggily. And with more than a modicum of annoyance. ‘I hardly drink coffee and I know this.’” Um, you forgot the filter, which is really important with a coffee machine. Might not want to put down someone using the machine incorrectly when you’re giving them wrong instructions. It appears that Merlin and Arthur have not had time to hang out since the clubbing thing because their schedules don’t match up, but Arthur has no problem waking Merlin up each morning and forcing Merlin to make breakfast for him. Sounds just lovely.

But other than that, Merlin is having a great time. He works in a lab and with a graphic team, both of which provide him with free food, the former in the form of doughnuts and the latter in the form of “euros.” I’m assuming they meant gyros, because that is what is described, and a euro is a form of currency used throughout the European Union. SCD07 would surely have known this if they were British, which makes the Britishisms in this story just that much more annoying.

Arthur asks Merlin if he’s started packing for their little camping trip that weekend, and Merlin says he was planning on picking up rental equipment that afternoon. What equipment is he going to rent? Why “A tent, sleeping bag, a mat, a water canteen, filters, boots, a backpack to carry it all…” Yeah, that’s not a thing. You can definitely rent camping equipment, but that’s going to be limited to things like tents, sleeping bags, and backpacks. Not boots and canteens and whatnot. I have no idea what it is like in countries outside the US, however, but I would assume that stores that sell camping equipment are not going to have shoes for rent like a bowling alley.

Merlin goes back to bed, leaving Arthur to make his own breakfast. When he gets up a while later, Arthur has left to go do whatever bullshit thing he does for this internship, and he has left the burnt remains of his eggs in the trash as well as the dirty pan for Merlin to clean. What an asshole roommate. Merlin makes “a sandwich, fruit, and a small smoothie to conceal a couple servings of vegetables” for Arthur like he’s a fucking child. And the smoothie thing is annoying me. Not every meal calls for a smoothie. Stop.

Merlin does some bullshit science: “His hours in the laboratory went by quickly since it was a series of preparations that would essentially become a waiting game for chemicals to mix, machines to process, and results to quantify.” That makes no sense and sounds boring as fuck to boot, which should make the day go by slower, not faster. Just what the hell are these people even doing? Chemicals to mix? Machines to process? Results to quantify? What does that even mean? And what about that panther epidemic Freya was going on about when we first met her? Does what they’re doing here somehow pertain to that? What does any of this have to do with anything? I hate all of the pretend science done in this fic. It’s all so terribly wrong and makes my brain hurt.

Merlin then goes to join his graphics buddies, and he orders an extra gyro, which is spelled correctly this time. But never fear, it’s called a euro again a few paragraphs later when Merlin comes home to find Arthur bitching about the size of the tent Merlin rented. At least be consistent with your wrongness like you are with the science stuff. Own it.

Arthur says that he’ll carry Merlin’s sleeping bag, but Merlin says that he can do it, especially since Arthur will be carrying their tent. Arthur replies, “You’re right. You are stronger than you look.” Kind of a backhanded compliment there. Merlin brushes the comment off as nothing and goes to get ready for bed. He brushes his teeth in the shower (weird), and is a little annoyed that he has to leave his glasses off. But not to worry, “everything was easy to feel for.” Remember how cartoonishly blind Merlin is? Y’know, how he can’t see anything without his glasses and has to feel for everything without them even though that’s not how eyesight works? Yeah, this fic won’t let you forget it.

Merlin starts to feel himself up, and we get a very distressing picture of Merlin’s body:

“His hands ran through his hair, helping the conditioner along until his fingertips settled on the ridge of a vertebra on his nape. The pads of his fingers wandered lower, feeling other ridges as his spine standing between his shoulder blades, which sat like awkwardly small wings. It was one thing seeing himself in a mirror, but feeling his frame without the forewarning of sight was a different experience entirely. He could count his ribs with minimal pressure against his skin, and even tuck his fingertips underneath the cage of each lung.

His hipbones practically rose up to meet his touch, and Merlin caught himself wondering, Would Arthur like that?”

Yikes. Get this kid some help immediately. This description (and more following it that I didn’t include here) honestly reads like a concentration camp survivor. This is not okay in any sense.

After that disturbing read, Merlin heads off to bed, and he starts imagining Arthur coming into his room and sexing him up. It’s a bit awkward because a lot of it is written as though Arthur is actually in the room with Merlin, and shit gets confusing. Merlin gets off on the fantasy and gets embarrassed about it the next day, refusing to meet anyone’s eye. The interns and I guess the internship coordinator get on the tram and they all head to wherever this camp thing is supposed to be. Everyone is incompetent, Arthur remarks about it, and Merlin makes a jibe at the way Arthur does yoga, to which Arthur angrily replies, “How dare you! You couldn’t even see!” Ah, yes. Because we must be reminded at every turn just how blind Merlin is, and you know how much I love that.

They pitch their tents, and we find out that Arthur’s huge sleeping bag is supposed to fit two people. He’d gotten it because he’d always wanted to go camping with Gwen or something along those lines. Awkward. Merlin wanders away from camp to go see the nearby lake. Arthur later finds him and joins him, bringing along some really gross sounding candies he’d gotten from the other campers for helping them pitch their tents (seriously, chocolate, cherry, and coconut all together? Disgusting).

They start to small talk about how their first week of internship went, and Arthur gets upset because Merlin is pretending to be happy (I’d wager that’s because he’s afraid of you, jackass). He pesters Merlin into telling him why he’s sad, and we get the following exchange:

“’I don’t know,’ he admitted. His eyes lifted to gaze out over the lake, the encircling trees… ‘It’s beautiful here, but it’s lonely.’ He shrugged. ‘It makes me feel sad in a nostalgic way.’

Merlin felt Arthur’s hand gently palm his cranium as he said, ‘Wow. You’ve got a lot going on in there, don’t you?’

‘Don’t tease me,’ Merlin whined quietly.

‘I’m not,’ Arthur assured, ‘but it may be possible that you think too much.’

A sharp breath exhaled from his nose. ‘Yeah, well there’s a pill for that, but I don’t take it.’

‘Good,’ Arthur surprised him. His hand slid down Merlin’s scalp to rest on his shoulder. ‘It would make you dull,’ he warned.”

Urgh, fuck you, story. We get it! You hate psych meds and think the people who take them are shit. Thanks. Stop it. I get enough of that crap from people in real life; I don’t need it in my garbage online fiction too. Also, it’s very obvious you pulled out your thesaurus again for this little exchange, SCD07. You do not need to replace the word “said” every time you have a tag in your dialogue. It actually can make your writing seem even more juvenile and stilted, and this is a big problem throughout this fic. One of Juliet’s pet peeves when reading this fic for the first time was actually the use of the word “sassed” in place of “said.” All of the dialogue tags in this fic are really annoying.

It seems that food is still provided for these lucky bastards as they get chicken skewers and stuff to make smores from the event coordinator on their way back to their tent. Must be nice. They sit around with a group of their neighbors and play ukulele music until it’s time for bed like the dirty hipsters they are.

Merlin has trouble getting to sleep (for some reason these weirdos brought pillows with them, and he wonders if he should have brought more; good luck fitting all that shit in a backpack), and it starts to get cold. The two of them of course share Arthur’s sleeping bag built for two, because why wouldn’t they? It’s too convenient a plot device not to use. The two end up spooning as they always do. Arthur sniffs Merlin’s hair before he realizes that the sounds he’s hearing outside their tent are from a bear or some other sort of animal rummaging around the campsite. It turns out to be foxes, and the chipper coordinator tries to scare them away by yelling (I think? I rarely know what’s happening in these scenes due to poor staging), and the foxes rush into Arthur and Merlin’s tent before then scampering away into the woods. That totally happened. Sure.

The author’s note at the end explains the whole “euro” thing from earlier, by the way: “In case you’re confused, by ‘euro,’ I mean the Mediterranean sandwich, not the currency, haha. ‘Gyro’ and ‘euro’ are synonymous.” Um, no, they’re not. Even googling “euro sandwich” only gets me “did you mean ‘gyro sandwich’” results and pictures like this:

They’re not the same thing. One is currency and the other is food. Try again.

Chapter 16

This chapter is thankfully much shorter than the previous ones. For some reason, there is a time jump and we’re no longer in the woods. How do I know? Only because Mithian stops by, and she didn’t come along on the little camping trip. Might be nice to let us know where the characters are instead of just telling us that “Merlin set aside Sunday to work on his graphic art projects, and Arthur was preoccupied with preparations for a debate competition later in the month,” which makes me think that they packed even more unnecessary junk for that trip than what was already stated. Excellent. Also, debate competition? For an internship? What? But wait, the next few lines still place them in the woods because it talks about them hiking back. Nothing makes sense! Just tell me where these two assholes are, so I can picture the scenes you’re trying to set up, for christ’s sake.

Whatever. So the two of them make it back to their apartment and fall back into a routine. Arthur leaves for whatever the hell it is that he does in the morning, and Merlin makes him lunch before he leaves for the day to do whatever the hell it is that he does “since he suspected the man wouldn’t eat otherwise.” That’s rich, coming from you, Merlin. Work on your own eating issues before you try and fix someone else’s.

They have some downtime together at some point (the weekend? I’m honestly not sure when anything happens in this stupid fic anymore), and Arthur wants his Christmas gift from Merlin. Pretty presumptuous of him considering Merlin has never mentioned having a present for Arthur. You’re not entitled to gifts from your friends, Arthur. But hey, Merlin actually has a present for him, and it turns out to be a massive sweatshirt: “almost more like a large, long-sleeve shirt, but along the cuffs and collar were golden threads forming a triangular design. It was surprisingly not gaudy.” Ha, nothing you say can convince me that that shit is anything but gaudy. Merlin also did the stitching. Of course. Because he’s great at making clothes, if you remember. Just like how he’s good at everything else. Just like the proper Mary Sue he is.

Arthur’s kind of bitchy about the gift and is a bit upset that Merlin doesn’t wear the scarf Arthur gave him. Merlin puts it on out of spite and says that he was planning on wearing it for Christmas, which is three days away. Merlin is going out for dinner, drinks, and dancing with Mithian and Freya and he invites Arthur along. Hope you’re not planning on doing that on Christmas Day, guys. Unless you want to go eat at IHOP and dance in the parking lot, I guess.

You do you.

Time skip to whenever it is that they decide to go out: “The restaurant above the club proved to be delicious and shockingly upscale for the shenanigans that ensued below. Their table stood near an aquarium featuring blue lobsters scuttling beneath angel fist (I love this typo) and puffer fish. Another surprise came in the complimentary appetizer set down by the waitress: seasoned potatoes, cut julienne as well as circular.” There are so many things that could be said about this little passage. You can’t have a tank of blue lobsters; those are exceptionally rare. Think one in every two million lobsters rare. Not going to just have a tank of them sitting around, especially if said tank is in a restaurant and not an aquarium. Also, highly unlikely that you are going to have those three fish together in one tank, especially at a restaurant. They sound exotic, but it’s not really something I see happening realistically unless you put in a lot of unnecessary effort. If they have lobsters in a tank at a restaurant, I would assume they’re for eating, not looking at, so keeping them in the same tank with your decorative fish probably isn’t the best idea.

Also, I have heard of no restaurant, no matter how fancy, that gives you a “complimentary appetizer.” Bread? Sure. Fries/chips? Haha, no. Gotta pay for that shit. And that’s not exactly a fancy appetizer anyway. Speaking of chips, it’s a good thing SCD07 decided to cover her ass with the whole circular potato bit, because Mithian calls this appetizer chips, and that word could encompass either of the potatoes described, depending on whether you are American or a Brit. I can’t completely call Anglophilia on this one, but I suspect it’s still an attempt at a Britishism to make this story seem less American. Not working.

Merlin actually has wine with his meal (shocking, I know), and everyone here is a cheap date because they’re all feeling a buzz after one drink (of wine or beer). Sure thing. I really am beginning to feel like an alcoholic while reading this fic, both because of the weird way alcohol is treated in this story and because of how much it makes me want to drink.

Arthur takes Freya home while Merlin and Mithian start to dance at the club. When Arthur comes back, Merlin goes over to make him stop being a wallflower and dance with them. Arthur’s response to this? “I’m not a fairy, Merlin.” I’m again unsure if Arthur is talking the mythical creature or the slur. Still uncomfortable. Merlin says, “If anything, I’m a sorcerer. Get off your ass, and dance with me.” Nice reference to the show, I guess, but that makes no sense in context. The dialogue in this story is seriously terrible. Nothing flows in a natural way, so it doesn’t seem like the “banter” is anything but people just saying unrelated things to one another and somehow thinking it’s witty. Protip: it’s not. It’s just confusing and annoying.

Mithian wanders off with some random guy, leaving our boys alone with each other. They dance and get knocked around so they’re super close together, sexual tension, blah, blah, blah.

Guffawing.

(Just when you think it’s gone, it comes back and rears its ugly head.)

They leave the club, and Arthur thanks Merlin for making him get up and dance. He then says that the dude Mithian went home with was really watching Merlin (creepy, also no, he probably wasn’t; stop being jealous over absolutely nothing, Arthur). Merlin says, “Well my eyes tend to be elsewhere,” and he plants a big, unexpected kiss on Arthur.

And here, folks, is where we get not another make out scene between these two like we had however many chapters ago. No, we get a big old cliché gay panic from Arthur:

“’What the hell was THAT?’ he bellowed, and wiped his mouth.

‘I-I-I thought…’ Merlin stammered. His eyes were pulled wherever that hand went, his kiss no longer on Arthur’s lips, and perhaps never was.

‘Thought WHAT?’ Arthur demanded. ‘I’m not GAY, MERLIN!’

‘No, b-but you’re…’ Merlin stammered. At the expectant, appalled expression in Arthur’s eyes, he barely finished his sentence in an audible tone. ‘You’re bisexual…’

Arthur visibly paled and reared back from Merlin as if he’d just turned inside out. ‘I’m what?’ he demanded. ‘Why would you possibly think that?’”

I hate this sort of scene in fic, and it happens all the fucking time. In this fic, it’s especially insulting because Arthur will not keep his fucking hands off of Merlin. Uther, Arthur’s ultra homophobic father, even said that Arthur has a crush on Merlin. It’s so stupid. Arthur has shown nothing so far about him being ashamed of or in denial about being bisexual except Merlin bemoaning him only kissing guys while “drunk.” Please.

This reaction is out of nowhere and done solely to create tension between these two and the unnecessary drama it entails, because now they have to live out the rest of their little vacation together with the elephant in the room of Merlin wanting to sex Arthur up. Also, this over the top anger? This is why he’s fucking afraid of you, dude. I hate that I have yet to run out of red flags for abuse here, but Arthur just continues to show himself as an abusive, controlling asshole.

Ready for more bullshit from Arthur? Because this little scene is far from over:

“Merlin frowned, answering honestly, ‘The others said…and you’ve been flirting with me…’

Arthur recoiled. I was being nice, Merlin! That isn’t an invitation to stick your tongue down my throat!’”

What about you putting your hands all over him? Coming into his room at night on more than one occasion and spooning him without reason? What about your jealousy at Merlin getting attention from other people? What about these things, Arthur?

“Old embers sparked in Merlin’s belly. ‘I didn’t! You’re only reacting like this because I’m right!’

Blue flames flickering in Arthur’s eyes and every fiber in Merlin’s body told him to cower and run, but he didn’t. He stoked them. ‘You can’t honestly tell me everything that’s happened over the last two weeks isn’t flirting, Arthur! Even before then! We’ve slept in the same bed three times! You follow me around like I might break!’”

See? Even Merlin knows you’re full of shit, Arthur, and he’s so dickmatized by you that he forgives all the crap you put him through.

“Arthur stepped toe to toe with him. ‘BECAUSE YOU NEVER CALL FOR HELP! For fucking Christ, Merlin! My uncle nearly raped you! And you never said a word about it!’”

Yeah, and you had no right to know about said sexual assault, asshole. Because you went behind his back and obtained video footage of it simply because he was “acting weird.” Fuck you.

Throughout all of this, that weird, nasty internal dialogue that Merlin sometimes has crops up. It at least kind of makes sense here because there seems to be a counterpoint in it towards the end that implies that someone said these things to Merlin at some point and he internalized it. Or something along those lines. I might be looking too hard into it.

Merlin blurts out that he’d already been raped, which is why he said nothing about Agravaine. Arthur is pissed that Merlin tells him this, because “What am I supposed to do with that information?” I don’t know, not be a dick? Maybe? That’s probably asking too much from you, though, Arthur.

Merlin says that he thought Arthur liked him back (everyone thought this, so you’re not in the wrong here, Merlin) and that he was finally ready (for a relationship? Sex? Not sure there). Arthur is still angry and continues yelling at Merlin, this time for not telling him that Merlin was into dudes, especially since he was out on a date tonight with a woman (Mithian). How Arthur is this fucking oblivious, I have no clue. I’m especially annoyed by this because he brought up no objections to Mithian leaving with that dude from the club, nor did he offer consolation to Merlin for losing what Arthur apparently thought was his girl because Arthur was too busy being a jealous, controlling douche. What a shitty ass friend. Find someone better, Merlin. I hate you, but you deserve way better than this dick.

Merlin finally starts getting well and truly mad here and yells back at Arthur that he’s an idiot for not seeing that Merlin is gay, particularly since even Arthur’s father knows about it. Arthur makes like he’s going to hit Merlin before yelling at him more, this time about his father. I don’t…how is he the romantic interest? How? Why do people romanticize abuse like this and think it’s okay? This is especially heinous after that scene a few chapters back where Arthur got all upset about Merlin having been hit before.

Arthur finally starts to back down out of his anger a bit, but he’s still an asshole of epic proportions:

“’Even if…Even if I…’ Arthur sputtered, as if he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. ‘Even if! It can’t happen! It won’t ever happen! Don’t misinterpret this, Merlin! I thought I knew you and now you’re a stranger to me. If I can’t trust you…then I don’t want you. You’re worthless to me.’

It’s disgusting. What does that make you? The sooner you learn that, the better.

Suddenly, Merlin’s voice wasn’t a yell, and compared to Arthur’s temper, it was a whisper. ‘You don’t have to return my feelings…’ he uttered, no longer able to feel his limbs. Everything was cold. ‘But I expected something…something else.’

Arthur’s anger paused to reveal confusion. ‘What?’

‘I didn’t expect to hear Uther, not Arthur…but he’s trained you well.’”

Yeah, should have seen that coming. So damn dramatic, but true in this case.

Merlin tells Arthur that Uther told him to stay away from Arthur, and Arthur gets mad at him again, saying, “You were both out of line.” Not really, though? Everyone saw Arthur’s actions toward Merlin; it was so fucking obvious that he was pining after him that even his bigot father told Arthur’s crush to keep away from him. Uther wanted to keep his son straight or whatever, and Merlin was acting on all of the signs Arthur was giving him. This entire thing is so painfully stupid and unnecessary. By the way, I forgot to mention this earlier, but did you know that it’s raining in this scene? Gotta make this as dramatic and ridiculous as possible.

Merlin starts sobbing, and Arthur walks away from him into their apartment. Merlin follows him inside but goes to the bathroom to sit under the shower, clothes and all, and be dramatic about the whole thing.

Just give up on him, Merlin. You’re better than that.

Until next time.