#feat. my desperate want to be loved and taken care of and fear of being trapped in a relationship i cant get out of

[redysetdare]

Time for a game of: Am I just a non-partnering aroace or am I afraid of commitment?

[gemma-collins-ily]

Hello, I wanted to ask for a request with Jesper? I wanted to see him being very protective of the reader. Maybe he saves her from a fight during a job or something (like, she can handle herself just fine but ended up getting trapped by a lot of guards idk) and he comes and shoots them at last minute and is very worried because she did got hurt. Then later she can be all like "it's nothing, I'm fine" but he insists on patching her up and caring for her wounds (maybe make it a soft moment with him being all gentle and lovey with her), kinda blaming himself for her getting hurt, and maybe then confessions are made? Thank you :D

Fools In Love

a/n - yessss more Jesper appreciation! He needs more credit! It sounds a bit creepy in the beginning I'm sorry 😭 Also Jesper and the pet name lovely ugh my heart! Thanks for the request xoxo💕♥️

Warnings: knives, blood, alcohol (used for cleaning of injuries), brief mentions of nausea and not sure what else!

Partners.

That's all you were. That's what Jesper kept telling himself, at least.

But it was so strange with you - he felt so strange with you. Like he should protect you, admire you, love you, care for you whenever he could.

He felt you should always be in his heart, and you were. Some part of him, yet every part of him, was saved for you.

On the days he was truly tired, had run errand after errand, participated in a heist, anything that exhausted him, he would save just a simple smile or two for you.

Because he felt he couldn't, and shouldn't, leave you without one. He needed you to be in his life and wanted you to need him too. He wanted you to rely on the him as he would you, and most importantly, deeply desired that you could love him the way he did you.

This was not in a warped version of reality, a figment of his mind and imagination as a sick, manipulative goal, he only wanted to be loved.

By someone. Alright, anyone. Any person. Admittedly, one specific person.

He wanted to be loved by you.

Jesper knew he did, in fact, love you. And when he realised, his heart had raced, Nina looking up in alarm before seeing the lovestruck bliss upon his face.

Jesper Fahey was in love with you.

And boy, was he in trouble now.

Chaos.

You were extremely similar to Jesper in that way: the way that meant it followed you wherever you went. There was no escaping the chaos, not when you were apparently born from the very depths of it yourself and had a friend quite the same.

A friend.

That's all you were.

It sent a pang of agony rippling through your chest, possibly enough to send you to your knees, but you swiftly shook the thought away.

Focus was what was needed.

Although, it seemed so tempting to think of him, to picture his face in your mind's eye one last time. One last time before you died.

Because it had been going well. But later, there was a high chance of fatality. But, you decided to do what you did best, instead of giving into the niggling voices that told you to remember every brush of the arm, every smile across a room, every chair he pulled out for you; instead, you decided to give into something else.

You decided, to give in to the chaos.

Your strategy was giving fairly good results, just as you had anticipated, considering it always did. Going with your gut seemed to be the best way of going about it, and it was.

Until it wasn't.

Since you were now improvising and no one appeared to be taking any notice of the shots fired, or grunts of pain heard, when even more men than previously swarmed the alley, you were taken aback.

You had not predicted how much effort the rival gang you were on a heist against would gamble on you, sending out what seemed to be the majority of their forces for just one person.

You supposed that meant whatever Kaz had up his sleeve would work fairly easily now though, the level of guard lowered and their numbers dilapidated.

He better thank me later.

Just as you flipped a man over your back, quickly and efficiently leaning down over him, your shadow looming as your hand reached for your knife that was meant to be in your belt.

"Looking for this?"

You gasped and your eyes boggled as your dagger, that the man beneath you had obviously stolen, plunged into your side, the hilt far from buried in your torso as you recovered from the shock as soon as you could find it in your abilities to.

Another knife was ripped out of a corpse beside you and burrowed in his chest, right above his heart, before he could register what was taking place.

You stood, groaning as you clasped the sore flesh surrounding your wound, not yet having pulled out the weapon to prevent further blood loss.

You spun to face the remaining gang members behind you, grimacing as you felt the bile slip upward in your throat, stubbornly rising no matter how many times you swallowed.

Now you had nothing. Nothing to defend yourself with and nothing to help you in this fight. Nothing and no one.

Dying alone was a nauseating fear, circling through your head and running rampage, sending you into a frenzied panic.

Your back hit the wall, the skin burning as it was grazed against the bricks and your heart racing as you failed to bend to the side, only a grunt sounding from your throat as your hand pressed further against your abdomen.

In that moment, you closed your eyes and prayed. Simply prayed to the Saints you had once ridiculed with Kaz, hoping there was a chance, if even just a miniscule one, that you could be saved.

And maybe Inej had been right all along, that you owed her an overdue apology, because maybe, just maybe, Saints did exist.

And perhaps, Jesper Fahey was yours.

He came barrelling around the corner, your eyes clenched tightly shut as you heard gunshots ring out, believing that moment could be your end, that heist your undoing.

But no, because when you peered through your lashes, swaying precariously on your feet, he was there.

You gaped in shock, confusion and finally, joy. You wanted to jump into his arms, tell him of your gratefulness, all because he hadn't left you alone.

Dying was no incredible feat: it happened in Ketterdam everyday, bodies piled in corners and rotting in the dank, narrow streets. To die with no one to close your eyes, only being forced to gaze glassily into the deep grey sky, or no friend to comfort you in your last seconds or less, even, seemed terrifying.

Although, now you wouldn't have to worry about that. Because he was here.

Jesper rushed to you, nimbly leaping over corpses and stepping around barrels or other obstructions, eyes full of concern that only grew when his line of sight landed upon your side.

You could only weakly smile as his arm was slung over your shoulders and his other was suddenly dipping below your upper leg.

"Jes, I don't need picking up!"

"Hmm... I beg to differ, darling. So do your knees apparently."

That was when you realised just how they had buckled and how much of your weight you were making him support. You sighed and gave a sheepish yet irked nod, giving consent to let him swoop you off your feet, and he did so without hesitance after he observed your approval.

He traipsed through the streets, using his knowledge of shady back alleys to keep away from crowds and even if he had swaggered down the main street, no one would have batted an eye.

Or offered help. Ketterdam was not the place for helpful neighbors or friendly coworkers, and often the inhabitants were cruel, selfish and overall generally appeared to be disappointed with their whole lives.

Go figure.

The capital of Kerch was not an actual hospitable place, but some little nooks and crannies could just squeeze you into a sort of community. You had once known a baker that had given you free whole loafs of bread, shaking you off when you tried to pay.

Your palm was still positioned flat over your wound, digging in uncomfortably and your fingers splayed slightly in the air. You didn't dare move it, not making a sound either, only letting soft whines out when Jesper shifted you in his arms, to which he would respond with an apologetic gaze, no words said.

The scratch was not life threateningly deep, just shocking, and well, frightening; it reminded you anything could happen, just one simple change of plan could kill you.

It mortalised you in a way, made you think of how easily it could all be over. Sometimes, galavanting off with the Crows, searching giddily for trinkets with Nina and Jes made you feel as though you could do anything, stay in that moment forever.

But you were human. And right then, you had a knife in your side. Maybe it would have been better to pull it out, considering now every jostle sourced from your friend's sharp steps, heels tapping forcefully on the stones, could possibly send the dagger closer to your ribcage or organs.

"Jes."

"Yes, love?"

"Pull it. Please."

It was a beg for help, and a desperate one after he had only glanced down at you as he continued walking when answering to his name.

He did as you asked, laying you down to the side for a moment. He always had, providing whatever you needed and doing what you thought was best when it came to you.

"Ready? It'll hurt, lovely."

"You're making me more stressed, just do it already!"

It was true. You had broken a sweat as he had been trying to prepare you, beads of perspiration forming on your hairline.

If you had expected another warning, he certainly surprised you by wrenching the mini sword out of your side without anything else said. You cried out, gasping like a fish out of water and feeling just so, the crusting of the aging blood aiding that.

"I know, I know. Just give me a sec, okay? It'll be fine."

Jesper continued to mutter reassurances as he wrapped your scarf around your lower back and torso. The hardest part was when you had to lift your hips and rotate your body slightly so his slender fingers could grasp the other end of the garment to tie it together fully.

"I know. It's okay, yeah? It's fine."

He was in now way immature but his voice was definitely becoming higher and squeakier in fear: the tell tale lurching of his stomach appeared as he accidentally took a glance at the deep crimson blossoming over the scarf and staining his hands, managing to seep into the creases of his palms, depositing itself under his previously pristine nails and cuticles.

You could tell he was worried as he picked you up once more, yelping out a 'sorry' when his wrist brushed your blazing, sensitive flesh.

It was a troublesome trip to return to the Slat, Jesper aggravating the cut when he shifted to prevent you from slipping downward.

Once you were there however, you were adamant you could treat your injuries yourself, only really having a few minor scrapes and bruises, especially a sort of natural eyeshadow in the form of a black eye that had not fully appeared, yet was still already prominent.

You practically tumbled out of Jesper's arms, limping up the stairs to your room while the Zemeni followed closely behind you, a hand on the small of your back to support you while you found your balance, ticklish tingles spreading from the spot his fingertips made contact with your shoulder blades.

"Jes, I really don't need help, like, at all. Just let me-"

You were cut off as he pulled the alcohol out of your grasp, grinning in that charming way only he could pull off, only serving to irritate you further as he winked.

"Sure you don't. It's just that I can help. And I will, alright? I don't care if you don't agree, it's happening."

With that, the scarf was gently pulled from your skin, a hiss drawn from you as the rag he had tipped the alcohol onto touched your side. You forced yourself to control a flinch, only shying away a little as his unoccupied hand came absentmindedly and immediately to your unharmed side, pushing you back to have the cloth back on your skin, scooting you along the desk you were perched on.

"Just a bit more. I promise, darling."

You nodded, gritting your teeth against the pain until it subsided, choosing to focus on the warm and calloused hand resting on your other side, not yet removed.

"Alright, now it's only the little things."

Your mouth opened to protest, explain you could easily do that yourself, but Jesper only tutted under his breath and used two fingers to close your jaw and tilt your head simultaneously to observe the shiner decorating your eye.

"None of that. Now, all we've got is this, which I can't do much about, and that nasty gash on your arm."

He didn't think about what he was doing, how casually and carefully he was caring for you, as though you were a china doll, porcelain and fractured, broken with any move that was not delicate.

You didn't think about how much you enjoyed someone looking after you for once, taking such a chunk of his time to simply stand between your legs and help.

Suddenly, as you pouted and your bottom lip was drawn between your teeth, withholding a groan while he cleansed your upper forearm, his thumb came up to untuck your lip, barely ghosting over it, although the feeling was still so delicious. Tantalising.

And his arm dropped, cloth soaked with a random drink dropping to the rug as his gaze stayed on your lips. And he leant in, as did you, finally sharing a sweet kiss, tender and loving, all things beautiful and wondrous.

His stare burned into the floor as it drew downward, a murmur heard drifting through the air a few seconds later, "You know, I was so worried about you?" You moved to speak before he hushed you, "No, just let me... I'm saying, I was more concerned than a friend probably should have been. Maybe, I mean I don't know. Actually nevermind..."

But he never had a chance to finish as his locks of chocolate brown were swept away from his forehead, a kiss planted there in replacement.

"I'd love to go out with you, Jes, love. Or, I mean, whatever you want to do..."

Chuckles filled the room pleasantly as you both laughed together, cheeks flushed and lips almost swollen, at your embarrassment and haplessness, plus the lack of tact.

You supposed you were just fools in love. And in that moment, you wanted to be suspended there, floating forever.

With him.

[honeytae]

Stop running from love.

hey bubs! honestly..i don’t know what this is lol it kind of got away from me. but it’s loosely based off of safety net by ariana grande. which is like one of my favorite songs in existence. i hope you guys like this angsty little piece of nothing?? lmao

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy, @jjlovr2015 genre: angst, fluff? word count: 2.2k

if you would like to listen, here it is:

You were doing it again.

Sabotaging yourself. Running away. Ghosting a man who had only ever shown you the utmost care and respect.

He’d already called multiple times today, frantic texts showing that he was now beyond worried at the way you’d seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. 

You couldn’t blame him. You’d been exclusively dating for three months. Three beautiful and happy months alongside a great guy whose smile brightened every room he graced with his precious presence. Three months that you’d been able to not go into a panic about that very concept.

Until you fell.

The last time you’d seen Jimin was last week when he’d met with you after work for a quick bite to eat.

It was the same place you always went to; you didn’t even have to ask where you were meeting anymore, already on your way to the booth in the back corner with a stupid grin on your face.

The checker floored diner had become a regular spot for you two to stop at, as it was in the middle of the city and perfectly placed between both of your jobs.

That quick bite to eat had easily turned into a full dinner, along with a dessert that’s whipped cream ended up on the tip of his nose in an instant, your giggles causing him to grin wider as he played dumb.

It was simple, not extravagant or fancy by any means, but that was never needed with him. You always had so much fun with Jimin. He was gentle, sweet, caring. All the right things. 

And it was when he was walking you back up to your apartment, his hand gripping yours in a way that was soft yet secure, sparkling eyes pressing into crescents when he smiled over at you that you came to a stunning realization; you were falling in love with him. 

With a panicked last press of your lips to his cheek, you’d closed your door, leaning back against it as you stared ahead of you, absolutely paralyzed in the silence of your apartment.

You could not be in love. What even is love? Heartbreak, that’s what it is. One way or another, it will always end. You needed to pull back before you got too invested. But, fuck, was it too late?

Erupting into hysterics as you came to terms with what had to be done to protect both yourself and Jimin, you slid your back down the wood, placing your forehead on your knees as you curled up into yourself. 

Since then, you’d made it your mission to put him off, every text going unanswered and each call going to voicemail. 

And now here you were in your bed in the early hours of the afternoon, shades drawn to encase the room in pitch black. It matched your mood, frustrated and angry with yourself as you cried into your pillow. 

You hated yourself for doing this to him. Shutting him out with no explanation; he deserves more than you. In the end, this was to his benefit. He’d go on to find someone worthy of his companionship, someone who didn’t want to disappear at the concept of love. 

Someone with less baggage to drag along with them, someone who had a healthy idea of relationships and wasn’t shattered at their core. 

While it was painful to ignore him without giving a reason, you knew he’d give up on you eventually. Everyone always did, and it was just for the best. 

You hiccuped another sob as your phone buzzed on the table yet again, grabbing the pillow from beside you to sandwich your head between the mattress and the fluffy material, effectively muffling the noise of the vibration as you screwed your sore eyes shut. 

“Love?”

You froze at the sudden unmistakable sound of Jimin’s voice calling for you, head spinning as you shut your eyes tighter. 

Were you imagining Jimin’s voice beside you? Were you that far gone?

You were proven wrong when the blanket was pulled off of your body, cold air hitting the bare skin of your arms as the pillow was removed from atop your head. 

You gasped at the sudden exposure, prying your eyes open to look up at none other than Jimin, the hurt and worried look on his face immediately causing you to sob again. 

“Shit, baby, come here.” He rushed to sit down beside you, you easily crawling onto his lap as he wrapped his arms around your back, palm smoothing up and down your spine as he slowly rocked you back and forth. 

You sat there silently, letting yourself be comforted by him. For some reason, Jimin was harder to push away than the others. His arms felt so nice around you, like home. 

But this had to be done. You wanted him to stay like this in your memory, his image remaining undamaged by any painful breakup. 

“Jimin, I-I can’t see you anymore. We can’t be together.” You forced out, heart twisting in agony at the silence ensuing after your words, Jimin shifting you up his lap to look at you. 

“What do you mean?” He asked in disbelief, eyebrows knitting together as his eyes widened, you shaking your head instead of giving him a verbal answer due to the growing lump in your throat at his undeniably heartbroken expression. 

“We just can’t, Jimin.” You said lamely, your tight grip on his arm contradicting your words as his mouth gaped open at you. 

“Wh- what’s wrong? What did I do?” He asked desperately, causing you to sob harder at him blaming himself for this. 

“It’s not you, Jimin. You’re amazing, you deserve a better person.” You sniffled, Jimin immediately pulling a face of further confusion as he shook his head to dismiss your words. 

“A better- what are you talking about?” He asked, chasing your eyes as you chose to divert them to stare at the blank wall in front of you. 

“You deserve someone amazing just like you, Jimin.” You mumbled, the man sitting there in silence before he shifted off of the bed, making you think you’d finally pushed him away. 

The feeling of his weight being removed from the bed both pained and relieved you, happy for him to be able to move on now, but sad at that same idea. 

But you were taken by surprise when Jimin kneeled on the floor in front of you, forcing you to look at him as he reached up to hold your chin, eyes imploring yours to be more upfront with him. 

“You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. What are you talking about?” He repeated his question, silence lingering in the air at the words as you sat anxiously plucking the sheets below you with your fingers. 

“Baby.” He called for you, his hurt tone causing your nose to scrunch up with more tears, his thumbs catching the salty water as his expression became more pained by the second. 

“Let me in. Please, just let me in.” He pleaded with you, voice soft yet firm as he watched you break down in front of him, heart pounding in his chest at the mere thought of losing you from his life because of whatever insecurities you were not telling him about. 

“I’m fucking broken, Jimin. You don’t want to be let in, believe me.” You said, voice weak and wavering from the emotions bubbling up in your throat, shaky from the nights of no sleep you'd gotten in the last week. 

“Yes, I do. I’d accept all of you if you just gave me a chance.” He gripped your hands with his, intertwining your fingers to give a reassuring squeeze.

Staring at him, you did not know what to say. Nobody had ever pushed back on your walls like this. They accepted it, moved on, and lived a better life without you in it. You just wished Jimin would do the same.

But he was fighting you on it. Fighting you on something you didn’t even want to do in the first place. 

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. And that fucking terrifies me.” You explained shakily, concentrating on the feeling of Jimin’s palm running up and down your arm. 

“I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, either. It’s new, of course it’s scary. But I care about you, I want you, I miss you. I don’t want you to shut me out.” He said softly, his honeyed voice soothing you enough to make eye contact with his gentle brown orbs. 

It was silent as you stared at each other, fear in his eyes and the same reflecting in your own. Studying his features, your heart twisted at his uncharacteristically dark circles, realizing he was probably running on the same amount of sleep you were at the moment. 

“I don’t know where to go from here.” You sniffled, Jimin tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as his glassy eyes stared back at you. 

Feeling confident enough to stand from the floor and sit beside you on the bed, he let you guide him up against the headboard, resting your backs on it as you let out a sigh.

“Stop pushing me away. Stop running from love.” He responded, his words sounding so genuine that you nearly burst out into tears again. 

Instead, you wrapped your arms around his neck, placing your temple on his shoulder as his arms encircled your torso. 

“I want to be with you.” You admitted in a hoarse whisper, head throbbing as you rested your weight on Jimin, body giving out in exhaustion as he held you to him, delicate as if you’d break. Hell, maybe you would. 

“Me too.” He said without missing a beat, eagerness evident in his tone as you let your aching eyes fall shut. 

“I just don’t know how.” You sighed, the man humming in response as he threaded his fingers through your hair, rubbing your scalp soothingly as he pressed a tender kiss to the top of your head. 

“We can figure it out together, okay? I don’t want to throw in the towel. Not without at least a little bit of a fight.” He joked, the heavy mood in the room being lightened a bit at the sound of your exhaled laugh. 

You lifted your head to look at him, opening your eyes to meet his own in the dark room, barely able to make out his features as the sun must have gone in behind the clouds outside your bedroom.

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting yourself into, Jimin. I’m a mess. If you want to run, go now.” You spoke seriously, one corner of the man’s lips lifting as he bit down on his cheek, a habit you’d picked up early on as behavior he exhibited when he was hesitant to say something. 

“Listen, I’m a mess too. This is nothing.” He reassured you, your eyes studying his features as he seemed to express a vulnerability you hadn’t seen before with him. 

“Trying to break up with you because of my own baggage and insecurities? That’s nothing?” You asked with a humorless chuckle, causing the man to reach out for your hand, sighing out a breath of relief when you let him lock his fingers around yours again.

“Well, I guess that in itself is something.” He shrugged, shuffling to hover over you as your red eyes met his. 

“But I will always fight for you. You’re worth fighting for.” He said firmly, your eyes becoming glassed over again before you picked your head up off the pillow to catch his lips in a kiss, your palms sliding to the back of his neck as his plush lips worked over yours. 

Sensing your emotions, he pulled back only slightly to press his lips over your closed eyelids, the tender action causing your frown to deepen as you gazed up at the sweet man. 

“I’m not going to leave you. Whatever’s been done to you in the past, I’m not a repeat of that. I would never do anything to hurt you, I promise.” He said softly, his words seemingly making your heart alive again as it began to pound rapidly in your chest. 

And with that, you threw caution to the wind. Even if he broke your heart, you couldn’t stop that from cutting your experience with him shorter than it had to be. 

Because Jimin was the softest, sweetest, most lovable man you’d ever met. He showed time and time again that he cared about you, that he wasn’t like the others. And to give him up just because of some bad past experiences was just not worth it. 

“I trust you.” You whispered, almost scared to let the words fall from your lips, but relieved when you saw the wide smile on Jimin’s face. 

“I trust you, too.” He said softly, tracing his finger over your cheek as he leaned down to kiss you again, laying down beside you to spoon your body with his, pressing his lips against your shoulder in a soothing action. 

Laying in his arms, you felt more at peace than you’d felt in days. Being back in his embrace, you felt like you could breathe again, easily falling into much needed sleep with his warmth pressed to your back, his arms looped around your body as he pressed tender kisses to the shell of your ear. 

Jimin was your home. And it felt so good to be home. 

[sinnergetreadymp3]

CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC CHAMERON FIC

Uhhhhh I feel like I should give this a title but I have no idea what to call so uh, nevermind !!

Anyways,I finally finished the fic I said I was writing like,a month ago lol. All my Chameron stans out there this one's for u,I rlly hope at least one person enjoys this,I rlly enjoyed writing it !! Ok sappy stuff outta the way,here it is:

As rain pounded against the window Charlie sent what was probably the thousandth crumpled ball of paper across the room.

"Jesus Charlie,is your arm not getting tired?"

Charlie smirked at that, clearly preparing to make a dirty minded joke,but a thoroughly exhausted Richard Cameron was already one step ahead.

"You know what,forget I asked, you're gross."

Getting up from the seat at his desk and ignoring an indignant retort from Charlie, Cameron thought of the rest of his friends,out for the weekend. Todd and Neil celebrating their one year anniversary, Meeks and Pitts embarking on a two day road trip,for what they still claimed to be, entirely platonic reasons (although the rest of the poets were all too aware of the almost palpable romantic tension between them). Even Knox had found something to do with himself on this miserable Friday night.

And here Cameron was,stuck in his dorm with nothing but stacks of extra homework and his obnoxious roommate to keep him company.

Speaking of that obnoxious roommate, "Oh come on Cam,you're not seriously going to bed already,it's barely eight!"

"Shut up Dalton,I'm tired."

Refusing to admit defeat, Charlie sprung from his own bed into Cameron's, attempting to wrestle the poor boy from his comfortable position.

"Charlie,get off you psycho!" Cameron managed to get out, already laughter threatening to give away just how welcome his friend's childish antics were.

After a few more minutes of "fooling around" as Charlie insisted on calling it (mostly because of how profusely it made Cameron blush),the two boys lay breathless beside each other,trying desperately to think of something else to do that would ward off impending boredom.

After a few moments of comfortable silence,Charlie suggested,looking expectantly towards the ginger, "Wanna go to the cave?"

With extreme,mind numbing boredom as motivation, it was inevitable that Cameron would say yes. It certainly helped that Charlie was gazing at him with those oh-so convincing doe eyes of his. Charlie Dalton and his stupid,gorgeous eyes. And his stupid,gorgeous smile,which Cameron was abso definitely not thinking about as he got up and grabbed his coat.

The two boys trudged through the woods,bickering lightly when Cameron complained of the cold that Charlie apparently couldnt feel at all,but always with an unusually friendly air between them. Before long they were sat together in the middle of the cave,sharing an apple that Cameron had managed to salvage from somewhere (a feat Dalton was of course impressed by),and trading stories of girls and parties galore. In Cameron's case, the stories of girls were few and the parties were from years long before even middle school,so Charlie did most of the talking.

After a while though,the boys came to discussing their friends,and the luck they all seemed to have in finding each other so easily. Charlie, ever the romantic,made no waste of his extensive vocabulary,tediously lamenting on all the opportunities of love he had missed and the everlasting loneliness he was doomed to,all because his dashing knight in shining armour would never come to find him and-

"Why dont *you* just find somebody?"

Charlie,still sprawled dramatically over a rock ,and mildly offended at the interruption,indignantly questioned "What do you mean?"

"What I said? You dont just have to wait around for somebody to come find you and fall madly in love. Why don't *you* just find somebody?"

He thought for a moment,taken aback by the ginger's harsh words,but eventually decided to humout him for a moment.

"And where exactly do you suggest I find him then, hm?"

Cameron shifted in his seat,not expecting to be taken seriously and certainly not prepared to be giving advice. Especially not *this* kind of advice. Especially not to *charlie*.

"Well,uh," he looked up to see the other boy looking at him expectantly,with that ever-present smirk on his face that, oddly enough,made Cameron feel a little more comfortable.

"Maybe,you could,I don't know, consider that the guy you're looking for has been here the whole time?"

"Wow Cam,Pittsie and Meeks' radio must've really gotten to you. All those love songs have turned you into a big softie." Charlie joked,grinning and nudging Cameron playfully.

Through a soft laugh,Cameron continued, "No I'm serious man,I think you're making this whole love thing way harder for yourself. I mean- and be honest with me, what's actually wrong with the guys at our school?"

"Other than the fact that about three quarters of them are raging heterosexuals?"

Laughing again,Cameron replied "yeah,other than that."

After about zero seconds of careful consideration,he had come to a conclusion, "Well,I guess nothing,but I dont know? Cameron, I don't see how this changes-"

"It *changes* things because clearly you don't anything about half the guys at our school. And you can't write off people you don't even know." At some point, Cameron had gotten up and started pacing around,but with the end of this triumphant speech,he finally sat down,a little closer to the other boy than he had been before.

Charlie looked across at Cameron and was suddenly met with a wave of fondness. Weird,how all it took was to sit and talk for a while before someone you thought you near hated,started to feel like your favorite person in the world. And,was he going completely crazy or Cameron at his most comfortable, without the fear of a teacher lurking nearby,without the stress of constantly trying to prove himself,was he... A little..... attractive??

All at once,Charlie made a decision,partly to try and prove himself wrong,but also because hey,if Richard Cameron was the surprise love of his life,what better time to figure it out than right now?

"So how,sir Richard Cameron,do you propose I get to know all these charming suitors?"

Cameron, completely in the dark about Dalton's recent epiphany,was still stubbornly trying to explain how much easier Charlie's love life could be,if only he would let it.

"Well,maybe by actually talking to them? Y'know,kind of like,What we're doing right now."

"So,what you're saying is,*you* could be my knight in shining armor," he said with a smirk.

"Well,that's not what-"

"No,no it's fine,as long as we're talking about this version of you. Regular Cameron is kind of a buzzkill but Cave Cam is actually a kind of.... And I can't believe I'm saying this but,in here,like this...well. You're actually a little hot."

After this, overwhelmingly romantic confession, Charlie was certain he had completely stuffed it,and sure enough,

"Gee Charlie,thanks. Really makes me wanna ride into the sunset with you." To say Cam's ego had been hit was an understatement,but before he could make a swift exit from the cave and lock himself,alone,in his dorm for the rest of the weekend,of course Dalton kept talking.

"God,I'm sorry,that was, I have no idea why I said that. I thought I was being funny but out loud- god I'm so sorry," while he had initially been mad,seeing Charlie fucking Dalton blush (and because of *him* no less) was rather funny. And sure,a little cute. So Cameron decided to hear him out.

"Can I start over? You're not saying anything so I'm gonna start over. I,uh, I really do think you're hot. Like really hot. And not just right now,all the time,like that time we were at rowing practice and I started pushing you around and we ended up on the floor and I saw like,a single sliver of skin because your sweater had ridden up,and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day,which I thought was a little weird but then-"

"Uh,I think I get it,Charlie." Now Cameron was the one blushing.

"Uh,sorry. What I meant was,that I *do* think you're hot l-"

"As you've said"

"Yeah,yeah,but it's more than that. Like,when I realized we'd basically be spending the whole weekend alone together,I was actually sorta excited for that,even though I knew I'd just be sitting by you while you did homework the whole time,I like,wanted to do that. And tonight,I haven't talked like this with anyone who isn't Neil like,ever. What I mean is,I guess,is that,I think that uh,"

Deciding to lighten the mood,Cameron tried for a little sarcasm, "Wow,Dalton, stuttering? I must be superman or something."

"I'm trying to be romantic here Carrot top," Charlie said with a grin,

"Listen,I don't really know what I'm doing here,but I think it might be kinda nice if we tried having a little romantic weekend of our own. Just to try it. If it totally sucks we can pretend it never happened and the others don't have to know about it and-"

"Charlie."

"Yeah?"

"Relax," Cameron said with yet another laugh ,he didn't think he laughed like this since... Well,he couldn't even remember.

So with a radiant smile on his face,he said,"A romantic weekend of our own sounds amazing. Gotta warn you tho I'm not a great kisser."

"Well, lucky for you I am a great teacher," Charlie replied,with a somehow even bigger smile on his face than Cameron's,

"Why are you laughing,I *am* a great teacher!" Unfortunately for Charlie,his indignance only made Cameron laugh harder.

"I'll believe that when I see it."

"If you shut up and stop laughing,maybe you'll get to." After this was all it took to get the ginger to sober up, the look on his face pushed Charlie to make his final,but (in his opinion) most important decision of the night.It was high time he flirt with Cameron way more often (which was *very* difficult to explain to the other poets,at least the first time).

[wistfulrat]

hell ya it’s that time of the week. we got 8th year fics, animagus fics, draco harnessing the magic of shooting stars, shepherd harry being unbearably tender and hot, flirtatious holiday office parties, the drarry multi-verse told in wistful dreams! eat up, fellow yearners.

Bitter Transmutation : Cruel Transformation by @dorthyanndrarry​ - 103k, M The terms of Draco’s probation require him to finish his final year of schooling, he just wants to survive with what little dignity he has left, in face of students that hate him, falling behind on his school work, and all the strange fevers and weakness and changes… that only seem to be getting worse.

draco wants to be good. harry wants to be needed. it’s an 8th year veela fic but rly it’s draco learning to humanize others and himself via shitty creature-puberty and harry trying not to run away from his feelings. all the non-sexual intimacy and general tenderness in this fic is comforting as hell.

Owl Was Well by @fencer-x (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 66k, T Draco Malfoy is not an owl, really he isn’t. He simply assumes the shape of one on occasion when he wants to find a bit of privacy—a goal entirely thwarted because Harry Potter doesn’t understand you can’t just grab any old bird from the Owlery and force it to send your missives and deliver your packages.

god i love a truly prickly draco and a disgustingly earnest harry bc the combination breeds emotional chaos. 8th yr animagus draco going out of his way to fuck with harry only to Catch Feelings — a trope i live and die for. they’re both very scrappy in this. lots of dancing around their big mutual gay crush as they grow to begrudgingly respect each other. i personally would love the opportunity to tell off the object of my affection right before kissing them furiously.

Wish Upon a Star (As Dreamers Do) by @icmezzo - 27k, M There’s plant magic and celestial magic and dark magic and the normal magic that allows Harry to use a spell to clean his socks when Myrtle’s taken up in his laundry room again. Then there are wishes, and dreams, and love, and those are even more magical still.

harry helps out at hogwarts but mcgonagall’s asked him for help with a spell that has him fully stumped and of course he’s too proud to ask literal-wishmaker draco for help but he’s desperate and curious! there’s this breathtaking scene in a field where draco collects meteor dust beneath an endless night sky. we all lose our shit. harrys flustered bc it’s very magical and very hot of draco. feat. neville’s greenhouse, the rambunctious ghosts of grimmauld place including moody & cedric, stargazing with ur crush. literally what’s not to love.

Through the May Air, Over the Ocean by @tsauergrass​ - 44k, T Draco Malfoy never expected to find himself in Scotland or being stuck in a cottage with Potter—but wonders never cease. A story about warmth, a story about falling back in love. A story about a flock of sheep in the distant fells of Scotland.

two lonely men in the middle of idyllic shepherd pastures learning how to navigate their grief and longing for companionship. an elegiac masterpiece of a fic. there are moments so quiet and tender it aches. you want their growing love to be easy but it’s rife with mourning and fear. it makes the ending that much sweeter and earned. (also yes this was a re-read but it’s december and i live in the pacific, world of perpetual summer and humidity, so mentally i needed to be in the vastness of wintry scotland. hell ya atmospheric fics!!)

To Tame A Kitten (is to love) by @tsauergrass​ - 13k, G After the war, Harry finds solace in fostering orphaned kittens. One day, a kitten appears on his door step without explanation—and attacks him! Taking it in, he quickly finds that this kitten is nothing ordinary.

another tsauergrass rec bc im a hoe for poetic melancholy and tentative intimacy. the premise of this fic screams fluff but then you’re unexpectedly hit with harry’s longing for affection as he tries to find places to pour all that guileless love spilling out of him. the image of him smiling sadly makes me emo as hell. but rly his and draco’s loneliness are concentric circles so this is all eventually solved with hella cuddling. “I know. . .It’s tiring. But there are a lot of beautiful things, too” — destroyed me.

Sweet Indulgence by @the-sinking-ship​ - 10k, E It doesn't matter that Marcy from Accounting is dancing on the tables, Shacklebolt is wearing antlers, and Elliot from Transportation is on his third round of Mariah Carey on karaoke because all the free champagne in the world won't salvage the Ministry Christmas party for Draco if Potter doesn't show up soon.

lecherous unhinged draco is sometimes the only characterization i care about skkdkd. most dramatic bitch alive whom i personally would die for. you must simply respect the flirtatious hustle. the promiscuous licking of a gingerbread man in the shape of ur crush, pouring champagne down their shirt, doing whatever it takes to make them laugh. it’s galaxy-brain courting bc harry is Charmed. we love our fics sexy and hysterical tbh.

Our Little Life by @tackytigerfic​ - 7k, M Sometimes Harry dreams. Only they're not really dreams at all, and Malfoy is always in them. It's time travel, but not as we know it, and Harry just needs a good night's sleep.

when i say star-crossed lovers i mean this fic in its entirety i mean harry saying “I see how things could be for us, I see it all the time” i mean that part in gaudy night when lord peter tells harriet “Give me your hand, and we’ll fight on until we drop.” a thousand iterations of drarry coming together (which, extremely meta) and all that world-building in under 10k words? the skill.

[marshmallow-phd]

Scarlet Moon

Genre: Scarlet Heart Ryeo!AU, Time Travel!AU, Alternate History, Royalty!AU

Pairing: OC x EXO OT9

Summary:  This isn’t Gwen’s time. She was from the modern era, with technology and electricity. But during a solar eclipse, she’s transported back into a previous life in a time and place she does not know. Now, as the foreign daughter of a merchant living in a prince’s household, she must tread carefully, watch her back, and guard her heart. But with the princes locked in a battle over the throne, the chances of her making it out alive might disappear.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3

                                            ********

The paper sliced across the skin before any action could be taken to avoid it. A high pitched hiss followed by a short whine. The flap of skin that had been separated was being dyed red. 

Gwen stuck her index finger in her mouth to sooth the stinging. It helped a little bit. Still sucking on the appendage, Gwen stumbled over to the supply closet and opened the thin metal doors with the other hand. She kept this feat up as she opened the first aid kit and pushed around the different types of bandages, trying to decide which one to use. The cut was right on the tip, right where you never want it to be. It was hard to get a band aid on that kind of cut. Eventually, she found a smaller version of a standard design and ripped the paper covering opening. She wrapped the band aid around her index finger before heading for her desk. It was back to the files that had injured her in the first place. 

The pile was tall; by her standards, at least. Gwen had been dealing with it for the past hour. The dates on the files needed sorting, separating the ones could be sent to long-term storage. She almost gave out another whine, but she didn’t want the others to hear and start the relentless teasing. Her coworkers were quick and very witty. 

It was a friendly floor. Everyone joked and played around without the fear of feelings being hurt. If Gwen didn’t have to do the actual work that came with the office space, she wouldn’t mind staying here forever. But dealing with these files and demanding customers and meeting quotas was not what she wanted to do for the rest of her life. Not that Gwen knew exactly what it was that she did want to do. She’d tried a lot of things over the last few years in her slow going college years. Marketing, history, education - hell, she even took several makeup courses and skincare lessons that focused on natural resources. None of it stuck, none of it held her interest, though the information could be recalled if needed. 

“You alright there, Gwen?”

Drudging up from the bowels of her thoughts, Gwen looked up at Kimberly, who had stopped at her desk on the way back from the printer. 

“Yeah,” Gwen nodded with a sigh. “Just… ready for the week to be over.”

“Ain’t that the consensus,” Kimberly laughed. 

“How are the dogs?” Gwen was seizing the opportunity to distract herself from work. Kimberly owned two dogs with opposite personalities. One was the well-mannered older brother, the other was the skittish, hyper younger brother. She loved to talk about them and there was never a shortage of entertaining stories. 

Kimberly rolled her eyes. “Kurt is back to back to demanding his breakfast at five a.m. Oh, but Kent now does this thing where he walks backwards. Whenever he starts doing that, we’ll beep at him. You know, like the garbage trucks? Then he gets all shy and hides his head.”

Gwen couldn’t stop giggling at the thought. “Oh, the poor thing!”

“You’ll have to see it next time you come over.”

“I can’t wait.”

As Kimberly walked away, Gwen sighed. She didn’t get out too much and the humor that most of her socializing outside of work was with one of her coworkers wasn’t lost on her. Just another dart to throw at the board that was Gwen Sinclair. 

It wasn’t like her life was a complete disaster. Really, it could have been worse. She could imagine a thousand different scenarios that she could be living right now that were worse off then her current situation. Truthfully, if glanced at from the outside, Gwen’s life was simply... mediocre. She was blessed with tolerable roommates, an okay job that provided a nice paycheck for a twenty-three-year-old who had yet to finish college. But… the loneliness was killing her and overall, she was craving for something more. 

She was exhausted from obligation and responsibility. She wished to go back to the days where she read about adventure and intrigue and imagined some day living that out herself. After having those words in her hands, she felt empty in her reality. Somehow, each day felt even more draining. 

With the end of another workday, Gwen packed up the files that still needed to be sorted, locked up her cabinets and tugged on her coat as she waved goodbye to Kimberly and the others. A few other coworkers were chatting excitedly about the solar eclipse happening in a few minutes. Gwen, however, was annoyed. Annoyed at the fact that all anyone - online or in person - could talk about was the solar eclipse, as if it was the only one that had ever been seen in this generation. When one person mentioned the eclipse, it was fine. When it was every post and every comment and every conversation, it felt a little ridiculous. Gwen couldn’t care less about the event. Getting home was her current priority. But escaping wasn’t that easy. 

For the millionth time, Gwen rolled her eyes as she scrolled through the newsfeed, waiting for her car to warm up in the parking garage. The weather was cold and dreary, slowing down her progress on getting home. Puffs of steam escaped her lips in the below freezing temperature. Other employees hurried past the back of her car to get to their own tiny sanctuaries. An alert for a new email popped up at the top of the phone screen. From the quick scan of the notification, she saw that it was from her eastern history professor. He wanted to go over the latest paper from class. Oh, no. That was never a good sign. 

Gwen huffed, threw her car into reverse, and pulled out of the parking space. First the papercut, now this. 

Since all her classes were online, Gwen had the minor luxury to not be forced to talk to her professor face to face, which surely would have been humiliating. But it couldn’t be avoided completely. She’d email him back once she arrived home. Or maybe she’d put it off until tomorrow. Dealing with this was the last thing she wanted to do. Stress was already causing her skin to revert back to puberty, she didn’t need this as well. 

Her phone rang and she struggled to answer it while carefully winding down the levels of the garage. It was Jaynie, the favorite of the roommates.

“Hey, Janie, what’s up?”

“Oh, nothing, I was just wondering if you were coming straight home today.”

Gwen smirked, knowing exactly where this was going. 

Over the past several months, a bit of an obsession had developed with Korean dramas. The shows the two of them consumed were different from the same old, boring American television and there were years worth of stories to choose from. Currently, they were in the middle of another romantic comedy. While Gwen loved the storyline and was in a constant state of swoon, as soon as the credits started rolling, she was reminded how pathetically uninteresting her life was. But those sixty plus minutes of pure escapism made it all worth the crash that came afterwards. 

Gwen tried to wait patiently in the line to leave the parking garage, but her frustration was getting the better of her. It was stop and go, stop and go, stop and go.

“I’m planning on it. That is, if people decide any day now to not drive idiotically.”

“Ugh, I had the same problem on my way home.” 

Curious. Both of them worked in the downtown area. “How did you get home so fast?” Gwen asked.

“I got off a little early today.”

“Lucky.” Her accounting job often led to flexible hours. Gwen was jealous of that level of freedom. 

The road was slick from the freezing rain. Weather like this brought out all the stupid drivers as if this wasn’t a yearly occurrence. She was careful to look both ways before exiting the garage and inching into the street. What she didn’t account for was the other emptying lot across the street. A large black SUV pulled out right at the same time, but went too fast, hitting the water that was slowly turning to ice on the asphalt. 

With no time to react, the SUV slammed into the side of Gwen’s compact car. Glass from the driver’s side window shattered and sprayed her face. Her phone flew out of her hand. The crunch of metal hit her ears before she could fully process what had happened. With the force of the collision, her forehead slammed against the steering wheel before the airbag deployed. The sound of screams echoed around her, but the words were unintelligible. Slumped over in her seat, a shadow creeped over the scene. Through the slits of her barely open eyes, Gwen watched as the sun disappeared behind the moon. Then all went black. 

                                           ********

The water was what brought her back. It filled her lungs and surrounded her on all sides. She flailed her limbs, desperate for traction that couldn’t be found. Her clothing weighed her down, the hems being pulled as if hands had gripped tight on them. She needed a miracle. And a miracle she got. Two hands held onto one of her wrists and pulled her to the surface. 

She gasped for air as her rescuer struggled to bring her to shore. The cloth that covered her felt as if it weighed a hundred pounds, making it nearly impossible to move. Water made its way up her throat, spilling over her lips. Her lungs were finally clear. They took in as much oxygen as they were allowed, burning with each brath. 

“Lady Gwen! Lady Gwen!”

A young girl blocked out the bright sun. She shook Gwen’s shoulders desperately. 

Gwen’s brain processed that the girl was not speaking English, but… she could understand her. The girl’s damp, dark hair was pulled into halves on either side of her face held in place by wide red straps. She looked at Gwen with deep concern, like a lifelong friend. But Gwen was sure she had never seen this girl before in her life. 

“My Lady, can you hear me?” she asked frantically.

“Who are you?” Gwen finally choked out. 

That made the girl pause in her panic. “What?”

Slowly regaining her strength, Gwen pushed herself up to her knees. As her eyesight cleared, she took in her surroundings. Gone were the tall metal and glass buildings, traffic lights, and speeding cars of her modern home. Now all that surrounded her were trees and a sandy beach of a large, calm lake. In the distance, wooden houses with curved rooftops, painted in bright reds and greens dotted the horizon. The heaviness that weighed her down was a dress made of too many layers and of no western fashion that she’d ever experienced before. 

Whispers bounced around the rocky shore. All the faces that were looking on with concern around were unfamiliar. Gwen grabbed the hair cascading down her back, but it was still the red she knew, darker from the dampness of being pulled out of the water but still her hair. 

“Where am I?” she asked in a quiet, gasping voice.

“My Lady, don’t you remember?” The girl panicked. “You’re in Songak. Goryeo.”

“Goryeo?” Gwen screeched. All the minor details she could summon up of the country came rushing to the forefront of her mind. It was information overload and her brain couldn’t handle it. Her lungs tried desperately to keep up, breathing in as much air as they could, but her throat was closing up from the panic. The landscape blurred and she fell to the ground.

                                          ********

She was in a bed this time when she regained consciousness. The room was cold and dimly lit with soft, orange candlelight. A man, Caucasian unlike the others, sat beside the bed on a stool, worry etched into every facet of his face.

“Gwen, sweet, are you all right?”

English. He was speaking English. But that was a footnote of comfort to the bigger problem. She still didn’t know what had happened to her or how she got here or who these people were that seemed to know her. The man, who was about in his mid-forties with salt and pepper hair, smiled down at her, though his eyes were confused. “Gwen, does it hurt anywhere? Can you tell me if you hit your head?”

Gwen took a moment, to calm down and to evaluate what she was feeling physically. Her head didn’t hurt, nor did any other part of her body. Wordlessly, she shook her head. The man seemed relieved. 

“Are you all right?” He asked again, a different meaning under the question this time. “Chae Ryung said you couldn’t remember her or that we were in Goryeo? Do you at least remember your papa?”

Gwen weighed the choices in her mind. There wasn’t a mirror around, but she started to wonder if she had taken the place of someone else. Someone who knew these strangers. She could say that she didn’t know any of them - the truth - but would they think her mad if she spilled too much? Perhaps she could say she remembered a few things. Like him, if he is this poor girl’s father. Why am I here? In this time? 

Choosing to comprise with herself, she gave the smallest of nods. “Papa.” Sitting up, she pulled him into a hug and there was something comforting about his embrace. This body remembered him, at least. 

“What happened?” she asked after she let go. 

“Chae Ryung said that you’d wandered off again and she found you, you’d been the water a long time.” The man, Papa, sucked in a breath, his eyes beginning to water. His genuine concern over her wellbeing made Gwen choke up as well. “The doctor said you stopped breathing. That could explain your lost memories.”

Good. The excuse was already in her hands. That should make it easy enough to play along while being forgiven for any missteps. But they shouldn’t be in Goryeo. That didn’t make any sense, historically. If anything, they might have been in Joseon – late Joseon. Was this some sort of alternate timeline? Or maybe she hit her head really hard in the car crash and this is really all a dream from the stress of her paper and too much K-drama. 

Yes. Too much K-drama.

That had to be the explanation. This was all a strange dream. Which meant, she could play along and not be afraid. She could ask questions and live out the day until she woke back up in her own time, most likely in a hospital with a bandage on her head and her mother fretting over her. 

She glanced around the room, taking in the architecture that she had only ever seen in pictures. In person, it was even more stunning and intricate. This wasn’t an ordinary citizen’s home. Interesting. What else could her brain come up with? “Why are we in Goryeo?”

“Your father’s a merchant, remember?” He spoke slowly. Each word was deliberate, giving Gwen time to process. Good filler for her mind. “I made a large fortune here and planned on taking you back home, but… your mother is buried here. We couldn’t leave her behind.”

A wave of emotion hit out of nowhere. Though her mother was alive and well, it didn’t stop a tear from escaping. “Mama.”

Papa wiped it away with a coarse finger. Gwen gasped back, surprised by the realness of the touch. Her dreams were never this intricate. The blanket strone across her lap scrunched in her fingers. It was cold and soft… and very real. 

She wasn't dreaming, was she?

Confused by her reaction, Papa paused for a moment before continuing his explanation. “The eighth prince is graciously letting us stay with him while we wait on the construction of our home to be complete.”

The eighth prince?

Panic grew tenfold. If this wasn’t a dream, then she was in very big trouble. If history told her one thing, it was that proximity to royalty was the most dangerous place to be. Gwen might possibly have been able to skate by if they were simply staying in some unknown village far from the capital, but they were in a prince’s home. Which meant they were in… Songak, the capital city, just like that girl – Chae Ryung – had said. Right under the King’s nose. Breathing became difficult again. Each one was shallow, barely letting in any oxygen. Gwen could feel her chest tighten and her vision blurred. 

“Gwen!” Papa jumped up and tried to keep her straight to give her lungs as much room as possible. He switched to Korean as he called out over his shoulder, “Someone, get the doctor! Now!” Shuffling sounds echoed off the floor on the other side of the sliding door and then faded away.

A minute later, breathing no better, two men and a woman rushed inside along with Chae Ryung. The older man stepped in front of Papa and took his place. He pushed Gwen’s shoulders gently until she was lying down. Two cold fingers against her wrist checked her pulse. The other, much younger man stepped up to Papa.

“What happened?”

Papa frowned. “It seems she’s lost some of her memories. I was explaining why we were here when suddenly she had trouble breathing.” He stopped, struggling with his own breath. “I’m sorry we’ve become a burden to you, Your Highness.” 

Gwen’s breathing was regaining strength and she was able to concentrate on the conversation. So that was the eighth prince. He was younger than she would have guessed, handsome even, if she had to focus on something other than her lack of breath. 

“Do not think such a thing,” the Eighth Prince replied. “Your presence has greatly improved the household. Lady Gwen will get better with time.”

Papa bowed, obviously grateful at the response. He turned to the woman. “Lady Hae, may I enquire after your own health?”

“Today is a better day,” she smiled, though her pale, drained complexion said otherwise. “Please, don’t worry about me. Keep your thoughts for your daughter.”

The doctor released Gwen’s wrist, satisfied with the improvement of her pulse and breathing. He stood up.

“It was a mild panic attack,” the doctor said calmly to Papa. “If it happens again, she should lie down and focus on her breathing. The incident at the lake seems to have taken a toll on her body. She simply needs rest. In time, her memories and her body will recover.”

Gwen didn’t agree with that statement fully. This body might get better in time, but there was no way memories that didn’t exist would ever return. One by one, the occupants left the room until it was only Gwen and Papa remaining behind. Silence hung in the air. After a moment, Papa sat down on the stool and took Gwen’s hand. 

“I was worried I had lost you,” he whispered. 

Gwen’s eyes fell down to the blanket covering her legs. Things were becoming clearer to her now. This was not a dream and she was no longer Gwen Sinclair from the twenty-first century. Something must have happened. She didn’t know what exactly had occurred or what would happen now, but she was here. And little did this man – known only to her as “Papa” – know that he had indeed lost his daughter. The face may be the same, but the Gwen inside was different. She would try her best to be good to him, at least until she found a way to get back to her own family. She gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

                                          ********

The next morning, the doctor, along with the Eighth Prince, came back to check on Gwen. The doctor commented that her pulse was stronger and that she seemed well on the road to full health. However, he still insisted on keeping her on bedrest.

Bored with these same walls and too curious about her temporary home, Gwen sat up. If she was going to be here for a while, she might as well get to know it. “I’m fine. Please, don’t make me stay in here all day. The sun and air is good for you, isn’t it?”

The sudden rebelliousness against the doctor’s suggestion did not seem to sit well with any of them. Gwen gave Papa a pleading look. A father couldn’t resist those eyes. He sighed, turning to the doctor. “Perhaps, a little exercise in walking around the grounds would be all right?”

The doctor looked reluctant, but he agreed. “But she shouldn’t overexert herself.”

“Chae Ryung will stay with her,” the Eighth prince ordered. “If you’ll please excuse me, I must meet with my brothers.” He bowed and left, followed by the doctor.

Having heard her name from the hallway, Chae Ryung shuffled quickly inside and over to Gwen, holding out her arms for the latter to balance on as she slid off of the bed. “Are you sure you want to go outside?”

Gwen nodded. “Yes. Perhaps seeing more of this place will help jog my memory.”

Chae Ryung tilted her head. “How can your memory jog?”

Gwen snorted, both at Chae Ryung’s confusion and at herself for the slip of the modern phrase. “Sorry, I just meant, maybe my memories will come back.”

“Oh.” The look on her face was enough to make Gwen laugh again. 

Gwen scolded herself internally. She had to be more careful with her words. Every step was one on thin ice. She couldn’t change who she was, not completely, but she would have to pull back. Chae Ryung, however, felt safe, like a shelter from the rain. With her, Gwen could find answers that might be dangerous to seek elsewhere. Straightening her shoulders, Gwen smiled broadly and took her newest friend’s hand. Chase Ryung grinned brightly at her and guided her out of the room.

[jaskierswolf]

This was based on an idea by @amadcat570 which I have totally deleted. Basically, Ice-skating, monsters, hurt comfort, love-confessions. Around 1.6k. Geraskier feat Ciri.

Warnings: Canon-typical violence, drowning, angst, injury, but no death.

On AO3.

____________________

Jaskier was having the best time. He’d finally been invited to the elusive witcher’ keep in the Blue Mountains. Ciri, Geralt’s child surprise, had done wonders for his friend. Geralt was actually starting to open up to him. He’d spent decades of slowly chipping away at Geralt’s walls and worming his way into the witcher’s life, and the young princess had managed it in a matter of days. If Jaskier had doubted Destiny before then he certainly wouldn’t any longer. It had also been Ciri’s influence on Geralt that had forced the two estranged friends to reunite. Ciri had been devastated to learn that Geralt was no longer travelling with the famous bard, Jaskier, and practically begged Geralt to go and find him.

Jaskier had been in the middle of teaching a class when the door had flung open to reveal a very soggy Geralt of Rivia, dripping mud all over the floor. Ciri’s head had popped out from behind Geralt. Her long ashen hair had been hidden under a hat but Jaskier had recognised the emerald green eyes of Pavetta immediately. Jaskier had dismissed his class and the three of them had spent the next few hours awkwardly catching up in the classroom. Geralt’s apology had seemed genuine enough and Ciri was an utter delight so Jaskier agreed to join his ex-former friend once more.

Geralt was warmer with Ciri around and by the gods was that doing funny things to his heart. Geralt’s cruel words on the mountain had shattered the spell the witcher held over him. His puppy love crush on his best friend and melted away after weeks of sobbing every night in his rooms at Oxenfurt. Time apart had helped him to see his time with Geralt in a new light. The rose-tinted glasses faded away and his ballads became grittier and less like a fairytale, but now being around Geralt again he could see why he had loved him so irrevocably and for so long. There was a vulnerability in the witcher that he desperately tried to hide, a yearning for acceptance and love but the fear of being known. The duality of it tickled Jaskier’s curiosity and he so desperately wanted to know more, even after all these years of following Geralt.

He wanted to know Geralt’s warmth. He wanted that daft fond smile and fucking hell he wanted to love him, even after everything.

“Jaskier!” Ciri flew towards him in a blur. She’d been training with the witchers and it showed. She’d already been a fierce young princess before the training had commenced but she’d taken to the witchers’ workouts like a duck to water. Jaskier tried to balance it out with lessons in art and poetry but the princess would rather have a sword in hand than his lute. “Jaskier, Geralt is taking me to the frozen lake to go ice-skating! You have to come!”

Jaskier laughed and set aside the book he’d been reading. He tried to stay inside the warmth of the keep but he was a travelling bard, and his natural wanderlust was starting to itch under his skin. He hadn’t been ice-skating since he was child at Lettenhove. It would be fun. Maybe he could even convince Geralt to join them on the ice, he could pretend it was a sort of date?

Nah. That would be pathetic. He was above that.

“Ice-skating you say?”

Ciri nodded with a mischievous grin dancing on her lips. “It’s taken days of nagging but I finally wore him down.”

“Well then, come on! Let’s get our coats and gloves. Sadly, we’re only human, young witcher girl. We need to wrap up warm.” ________________________

If Jaskier had thought Ciri was a blur before, it was nothing compared to her skating. She streaked across the ice like lightning. It was as if she were some kind of mythical ice spirit. Her turquoise cloak flew out behind her and her long blonde hair whipped around her face as sharp blades cut into the ice. Geralt was watching from the shore, squatting under a tree with the hilt of his steel sword resting under his chin. Jaskier was a little unsteady on his feet. The ice was slipperier than he remembered and he was out of practice.

“Come on, bard!” Ciri giggled as she skated circles around him. He hissed and stumbled, almost falling on his arse for the third time.

“Leave him alone, Ciri,” Geralt called from the shore.

Jaskier winked at the witcher as he steadied himself. “I knew you cared!”

Geralt just rolled his eyes and shook his head but Jaskier knew his friend was secretly smiling under all his grumbling.

Ciri began to show off, jumping high in the air and spinning like a tornado. It was incredible. The rhymes and melodies about the Ice Princess were already forming in his mind. His fingers flexed as he itched for a quill or his lute. He would need to go back to the shore with Geralt. He needed to write this down before the idea faded away.

“Geralt?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you bring my notebook in that bag of yours?”

Geralt sighed and pulled out Jaskier’s small leather-bound book where he scrawled most of his composing. Jaskier grinned and started to stumble back to solid ground when the ice cracked and he heard Ciri’s scream.

“Shit!” Geralt grabbed his silver sword and began running across the ice.

Jaskier spun round to see a kikimora crawling across the ice towards Ciri. It’s long spindly legs were scratching and sliding all over the ice. Ciri screamed again and Jaskier was thrown backwards. He landed hard against the ice and it cracked underneath him.

“Bollocks!” He tried to grip the ice but his gloves were soaked through and his legs fell into the icy water. “Geralt!”

“Jaskier!”

The ice was freezing and he couldn’t breathe. His fingers slipped on the ice and he fell underneath the surface. The water burned his lungs as he gasped. Fuck it was so cold. He could still hear Ciri’s screaming even through the water. He tried to swim upwards but there was a sudden pain in his head. The water around him turned red and he saw the dark black leg of the kikimora falling through the ice. He tried to call for Geralt as his vision began to spin. Water filled his lungs and he was so cold.

He was so cold…

Cold…

_________

He couldn’t be dead. Jaskier knew that much. Death could not hold so much pain. His head felt like he’d been drinking solidly for a week whilst being hit repeated in the temple with one of Geralt’s swords. His throat was burning and his chest felt tight. He gasped a shaky breath of air and winced as he opened his eyes.

“Jaskier?”

“G’ralt?”

“It’s me. I’m here.”

Jaskier blinked a couple of times. Even the dim torches of Kaer Morhen were painfully bright. He was wrapped up in what appeared to be every fur in the keep and…. was this Geralt’s bedroom?

He struggled to sit up and Geralt gently pushed him back down. “Oi,” he grumbled hoarsely.

“Rest, Jaskier.”

“How’s your bard?” Another voice asked. Jaskier couldn’t work out whether it was Lambert or Eskel. His head was ringing too loudly.

“Ciri?” Her screams, that was the last thing he remembered. They had been so loud. She must have been dying. “Where’s Ciri?”

“She’s fine. She’s with Yen now, but she didn’t get knocked out by a kikimora and almost drown, Jask. I… I thought I’d lost you. I should have been closer. I should have kept you safe.”

Jaskier was surprised by the pain in Geralt’s voice. This was the same man who had tossed him aside like a dirty rag, and now it seemed as if that was the last thing the witcher wanted. Jaskier was also suddenly aware that someone was holding his hand. He coughed as the burning in his throat tickled him and he squeezed Geralt’s hand.

“I’m alive,” he tried to reassure the witcher.

“Barely.”

Jaskier licked his lips and looked up at Geralt. His head ached behind his eyes and the room was still too bright but he needed to see Geralt. He need Geralt to see him.

“I’m alive because you saved me, and not just today, my dear. You have saved me in so many ways and so many times.”

Geralt growled and shook his head. “You were only ever in trouble because of me. You were hurt… because of me.”

Jaskier frowned and closed his eyes with a sigh. They were talking about the dragon hunt now. He could feel it in his bones. “You were trying to protect me.”

Geralt laughed bitterly. “I couldn’t even managed to do that right.”

Jaskier gripped Geralt’s hand tightly. “No, but I forgave you. It’s time you forgave yourself, my dear,” He coughed again as he felt sleep try to pull him back under. “Be here, when I wake up?”

Geralt hummed. “Yeah.”

“I love you,” Jaskier mumbled almost incoherently as the darkness took him once more.

He didn’t hear Geralt’s reply. He didn’t hear the words he’d been longing to hear since he was eighteen. Geralt knew this and he would repeat them again once Jaskier woke up, and again and again and again until the bard slowly began to believe him. For now, Geralt settled for placing a kiss on Jaskier’s brow. His heart was beating too fast in his chest for any witcher but he was a witcher in love and for once in his life he would allow himself to enjoy that feeling.

“I love you too, Jask.”

[everdreamart]

How I Gravitate Towards You

Rating: Teen and up

Relationship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widowgast

The Mighty Nein return The Blooming Grove. Essek takes time to think about the events that happened and has a talk with Caleb. Things slowly escalate from there ;)

~~~~~~~~~~

The grove was beautiful. Vines intertwined and tangled with the colorful blooms dotting the landscape. You would almost forget that this was, infact, a graveyard with the amount of life around it. Essek took a second to breathe in the nature around him. A very welcome change of environment compared to Cognoza.

Sighs and cheers of relief and triumph echoed around him as the Mighty Nein bathed in their newfound victory. The sight warmed his chest. His friends. Now there were actually nine of them.

How ironic. Essek thought to himself with a smile.

The Clays burst out of the moss covered temple and started to bombard the group with hugs. Caduceus was practically beaming with joy to see his family again. Jester rambled on about their adventure as the Clays eagerly rushed them inside. They gave curious glances to the two new members, but decided not to say anything about it at the moment.

Within moments food and tea were being prepared. Fjord asked to help with the cooking but was promptly shut down by Cornelius.

"Look at you all! It looks as if you have been through hell and back! Rest. We will take care of it," he said.

The food was delicious. Reminiscent of Caduceus' cooking from that one night in the Xhorhous. He smiled fondly at the memory. Essek's eyes drifted to each member of the Mighty Nein. How did this even happen?

His thoughts spiraled into an assortment of memories. Cold and alone in his study. Ambition gnawing at him as he struggles to progress in his research. Greed and selfish desire as he traded away his country's livelihood for knowledge. Fear as a bloodied human holds up one of the beacons he stole. Rage at the thought that his so very carefully planned espionage would be ruined by a bunch of sell-swords.

When had this ragtag group worn down his walls? Was it Jester's hugs? Or her consistently chaotic messages? Was it Yasha in her soft silence, or was it Beau in her harsh way of loving? Maybe Caduceus, with his gentle reassuring gestures. Or Veth, with her tough but kind way of showing care. Maybe it was Caleb. A mind that matches so perfectly to his own it was almost unsettling. Intellect sharp and piercing, with a gaze so intense he could melt under its warmth.

Essek found his eyes laid on Caleb. The strands of copper red hair falling partially over his eyes. A small part of him resists the urge to reach across the table and push the strands away. He studied his features, as if he hadn't already memorized them. The sharp curve of his jawline, his slightly tussled beard. Eyes so blue it almost felt like looking into the daytime sky. His mouth curved into a soft smile as he talked to Beauregard next to him. Essek lingered on that sight. The stress of these past weeks washed away as he focused on Caleb's smile. Then Caleb's eyes met his. Electricity jolted through him as the spark of whatever it was between them burned. Essek quickly looked away, a slight warmth building in his cheeks. He thanked the Luxon for drow skin coloration.

After food was had, the group gushed over their old (new..?) Friend. Poor man was probably so overwhelmed by the attention. Mollymauk - as Jester had told him - didn't say much at all in response to the Mighty Nein's questions.

"Empty… empty…" he trailed off.

As happy as they all were, exhaustion took over their senses. They were due for a much needed rest. Caleb did not have enough energy left to create the tower (Essek had quite a bit of thoughts he still needed to unpack about that place), so the group decided to sleep in the grove. Yasha lay with Beau snuggled up against her. They hugged and muttered sweet nothings to each other in low whispers. Molly was not too far from Yasha, and was quickly taken by peaceful sleep. Jester lay partially on Fjord's chest, talking about some new prank she wanted to try on her newly reunited parents. Caduceus lay back against the wall and was already passed out - his snore a rather loud one. Caleb lay next to veth, who was already out cold.

There wasn't really a need to be so close - they weren't in the confinements of the dome. And yet, they choose to drift near each other. Comfortable in the proximity. Essek felt very out of place. In the nights prior he could always stay a fair distance away from the cuddle pile, for the sake of keeping watch. But now, with the group all clumped together in the mass of life that was the blooming grove, Essek didn't know quite where to go. He fidgeted in his space as he debated where to trance. He can't go too far, but he definitely can't intrude on this intimate bond they all share. Eventually, Essek sits down a few feet from Caleb. He always seemed to gravitate towards him. Perhaps it was the similarities between them that made Essek feel safer in his presence.

Essek starts to begin his trance, and it is only then that the weight of the day's events crash onto him. The horrors of Cognoza will never truly leave his mind, but it is nothing compared to the absolute terror he felt when they were in that final fight.

The watch of one of the Somnovem caught him early on. The guilt of his actions surged into him tenfold. The lives he took, the families he'd broken, all for the sake of his selfish thirst for knowledge. It was all his fault.

He didn't catch sight of the tower hurled at him until it was too late. Caleb grunted as the weight of the rock (..flesh? It was very confusing) trapped him beneath it. Essek felt a surge of fear as he pictured the worst. He quickly scrambled over to where Caleb laid and desperately tried to pull him out. To no avail, it would seem. Those of his craft were not quite suited for these feats. Essek summoned the bead of possibility he had placed in himself beforehand. With a surprising surge of strength, he got Caleb to his feet.

In a rush of adrenalin,Caleb pulled him close and touched their foreheads together. If this was a different circumstance, Essek would be soaring. A small part of him completely forgot about the raging battle around them. That part focused on the presence of the man next to him. The wood burning autumn scent now mixed with the iron-y tinge of blood. That part of him noticed how close they were. Faces mere inches apart. Essek felt his heart jump into his throat. Then Caleb pulls back, the moment ending as quick as it began.

The ferver gained from this interaction was short-lived as Jester fell. Her bloody and broken corse strewn to the side carelessly. It was then that things started to go so very wrong. Jester was back thanks to Caduceus, mere seconds after she fell, but Esseks attention immediately went elsewhere. Caleb clutched at his torso with a grunt of pain as he fell, unconsciousness taking his form. Essek didn't even know he was capable of the rage that followed. He screamed and tore the very fabric of gravity itself around Lucien.

Then the battle field changed. It was no longer the fleshy horror of a city, but now a calming forest surrounding him. He looked forward to see the Mighty Nein - happy and smiling - with a hand outstretched towards him. It was Caleb. Caleb was calling him over to join them. Excitement burbled into him as he rushed towards the sight. It was only when he reached his destination he realized he had made a grave mistake.

The image of Caleb's torn and sundered body is one that will never leave Essek's mind. The sound it made as his lifeless corpse fell to the ground. The look he gave as the light left his eyes. It haunts him. The amount of terror, rage, pain and guilt he felt in that moment was immesruable. The world faded around him. Only being able to see the bloody shell of what once burned so bright. He fell to his knees, not hearing the final cries of battle around him. Essek's hands shook with emotion as he reached out to grab one of Caleb's. Those bright blue eyes he once knew were replaced by the vacuous expanse of emptiness and cold. He didnt hear the clerics rushing over and saying their prayers. He didn't hear the rest of the group trying to stifle their tears. He only stared into those eyes. Essek didn't breathe until Caleb inhaled once more.

Thoughts swirled around his head like an ocean of violent emotion. He can't trance like this. Essek stood up - trying his best to not wake his sleeping friends - and walked outside.

The calming reverie of the grove helped clear his mind a bit from these nightmares. He wandered around the exapanse, his hand tracing the occasional gravestone as he went. Eventually he came to the edge of the perimeter. Tall crystalline tree-like growths sprouted forth infront of him. Glowing ever so faintly. It was beautiful, the garden around him. So Essek sat and let himself soak up the tranquility of the nature around him.

It wasn't until he heard the rustle of footsteps that he opened his eyes.

"Its a bit late to be wandering the grove by yourself," Caleb noted, taking a seat next to Essek.

"Just… needed to clear my mind a bit." He replied.

"Ja, I get it. That was… a lot." Caleb laughed softly, a small smile playing on his lips. Essek found himself enraptured in the sound.

Caleb looked down, his brow furrowing ever so slightly as if deep in thought. He turned to look at Essek with a burning intensity. "Thank you, Essek."

Essek was taken aback by this. "For what?"

"You didn't have to come with us. You didn't have to risk your life just because I asked. And yet, you came anyway. Thank you." Caleb spoke softly. Appreciative.

Essek's mind whirred with thoughts. He didn't know how to respond. "I…" he trailed off. "Of course I.." Of course I had to come. You asked me to. I would do anything you asked. He didn't say. Instead, settling upon, "Of course I came. I care for you all more than any Dynasty or Empire. And I owe you this much."

Caleb shifted a bit at that. His hands fidgeted for a moment as he looked away. He moved his hand to touch Essek's. The touch was minimal. Almost unoticable to anyone but himself. Essek nearly jumped at the contact. A familiar tingling setting into his stomach.

Caleb's hand slowly grabbed Essek's, calloused fingers meeting smooth ones. Essek tried to map every detail. Every little feeling of the other man's hand in his. Entirely focused on the heat covering his skin.

"What do you plan to do after this?" Caleb inquired.

That startled Essek out of his reverie. "I.. I honestly do not know." He mumbled out. He couldn't go back to the dynasty, not with his situation like this. Could he go back to the outpost? Would that be safer? He was still responsible for people up there. He hadn't noticed himself squeezing Caleb's hand. At least, until Caleb squeezed back.

"What about you?" Essek asked, trying to shift the focus. "What do you plan on doing now?"

Caleb pondered for a moment, before responding with "There is still a few issues I need to take care of. I still have to help fix my home. Remove a cancer before it can spread."

Then, silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, per say, but something hung in the air. After a few moment in this quiet, Caleb turned and placed Essek under the intensity of his gaze. Those blue eyes bore into him with such a warmth. And Essek craved it. He craved to feel those eyes wash over him. He needed to see those eyes, alive and burning with a fiery passion.

The immense gravity of what he almost lost crushes him. The man sitting next to him, tenitivly holding his hand, died. If things hadn't worked out so well, if something different happened, he wouldnt have Caleb here next to him. That thought broke him. His eyes dropped down to look at the ground. Apperently he wasnt doing a very good job at hiding his emotions at the moment, because Caleb's face fell. He frowned and scooted closer to cup Essek's cheek.

"What's wrong, Shaltz?" Caleb asks tenderly. His thumb rubbing Essek's Cheekbone.

Essek looked up at him, and put his other hand on Caleb's as if to confirm that he was really here. "You… died Caleb… you died and I couldn't do anything. What if Caduceus and Jester didn't get there so quickly? What if something went wrong? What if-"

"I'm here. I'm ok. Everything is ok." Caleb cut him off. His voice gentle and soothing.

It was only then that Essek met his gaze. Caleb smiled softly, and Essek realized how close they were. Caleb's breath ghosting over Essek's lips. Essek forgot how to breathe. He could only focus on the feeling of Caleb so close to him. So close and yet not close enough. If he could just close the few inches… It took every ounce of self control that Essek had to steady himself. His pounding heart, the swarm of butterflies in his stomach. He knew he was staring. How could he not? Small freckles speckled across Caleb's face, framed by vibrant red hair.

The hand placed on Essek's cheek moved to the back of his neck, and Essek froze. Caleb painstakingly leaned in. So slow, so excruciatingly slow. As if to give Essek time to back away. To leave. But he didn't. And their lips met. The kiss was so soft, almost featherlight, and Essek's mind went blank. He could only focus on the sensation of Caleb's lips on his, how they were chapped and warm and perfect.

Caleb pulled back, a breaths distance between them. In all of his study of time, all Essek wanted to do now was stop it on that moment. It was over far too soon. Just the smallest brush of lips. He wanted it to last longer. He wanted more.

Essek leaned back in, crashing their lips together. This time the kiss was more desperate. As if scared that the other would pull away. Essek relished in the feeling. The heat of the man so close to him spreading to every inch of his body. Their lips fit together perfectly. Moving together and pressing into eachother. Essek moved his hand to Caleb's head. His fingers combing through the strands of coppery red. It was perfect. He wanted to remember every little sensation. He wanted to chart every little movement. His heart was beating so hard in his chest. He wants this to last forever.

They separate after what feels like a lifetime to catch their breath. Caleb's mouth is still parted as he gasps for breath. Essek savors the taste of Caleb on his lips as his breathing begins to steady. Part of him wants to reach out. To take Caleb's mouth once more. But Caleb speaks before this is possible.

"That was…."

He doesn't need to complete the sentence. Essek already knew.

And they gravitated towards each-other once more.

[nuclear-clusterhug]

You've been talking in your sleep (you've been having real bad dreams)

pairing: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap

word count: 1392

angst, hurt/comfort, kinda fluff?

summary: Just give me a reason by P!nk feat. Nate Ruess. thats it.

note: i havent written anything other than essays in english, it's not my first language, and i havent written fanfiction in 6 years, let me know my mistakes :)

It was late at night when he started to hear it. The voice of his boyfriend rang in his head, saying things he never heard before.

''I'm so tired of always trying to make you feel better'' he heard. He felt the arms around his waist tighten and he froze. Nick. He must've been talking in his sleep.

Karl didn't know what to think of it. His boyfriend, his one and only, the person he trusted the most in life just accidentally told him he was tired of him. Was he really that hard to handle? Sure he had his problems, the ghosts of past relationships hanging around him made it hard for the two boys to even start their own, but Karl genuinely thought he was getting better. He was communicating better, he was generous with physical affection, he tried to always be there for the other, he couldn't help it if his self-consciousness sometimes got in the way of that.

Karl tried to make sense of it all, but sleep sucked him back in before he could form his next coherent thought.

From that night on, Karl tried his best not to show Nick when he was feeling down. He tried to be as good for him as possible, in fear that if he got too vulnerable, Nick would get fed up and lash out. Every night he would turn his back to Nick as a silent offer for spooning, but also so that the other wouldn't see the tears that might slip out of Karl's grey eyes. But every night, he would hear Nick say something in his sleep. Sometimes just venomous mumbling, sometimes real words about how Nick felt like he was used for emotional support and not a real partner. Karl wondered why Nick hadn't said anything about it when they were both awake, he never seemed to be bothered about Karl's worries before, but all frustration needed an outlet, he supposed.

''Baby, are you okay?'' Nick asked a few days later while they were hanging around on the couch, both clanking away on their laptops. Karl was in a particularly bad mood, the things he heard at night eating away at his wide awake brain made him lose focus and have to restart his work for the second time. He felt like however hard he tried to be good for Nick, the other just saw him as a burden, and messing work up didn't help the feeling of uselessness.

''Yeah, just tired'' he tried for a smile but it came out more as a pout.

''I don't doubt that. You've been restless for the past few nights'' Nick put his laptop on the coffee table and turned to Karl with his whole body. ''Have you been having nightmares?'' he asked, concern clear in his voice.

''You could say that'' Karl murmured and tried to turn his attention back to his screen, trying to ignore the conversation the other attempted to have with him.

''What do you mean? You've been tossing around, and then suddenly freezing each night. Something must be going on'' Nick moved closer to him on the couch, hand moving to his back, but Karl jerked away involuntarily.

''I don't want to talk about it'' he said quietly, moving to stand up and try to leave the room, but Nick stopped him with a careful hand on his forearm and pulled him back down. Nick took his laptop and put it next to his so they could both sit with their legs up, body turned to the other.

''Too bad. You need your rest if you wanna keep up with your work flow. I want to help you, but you haven't talked to me properly in days. I thought you were just working up to saying it, or I don't even know, but you avoid my eyes every time I look at you, you turn away in bed, and even now you're avoiding it. Avoiding me!'' Karl could see Nick was desperately trying to keep his cool to not scare him away and he appreciated the calm tone but it didn't really work.

''Why would you want to help me?'' Karl jumped up and walked to the other side of the room.

''Why would I not? Your work is important to you, and you are important to me! I care about your physical well-being as much as your emotional!'' Nick tried to reason with him, but Karl wasn't having it.

''You? You care about my emotions? Take a fucking hike!'' Karl finally snapped. This was it, the dam broke, everything was going to come out. Nick braced himself, he knew he had to listen to everything very carefully, because Karl couldn't always express himself when he got too worked up, but Nick has learned to read between the lines. ''You talk in your sleep! Did you know that? You say some real weird shit sometimes! Talk about how I haven't talked to you in days, when you only speak your mind when you're asleep! If you're so tired of trying to fix me then why are you even here anymore? Sincerely, thank you for fixing my heart, but if I'm such a burden to you, then just leave! See if I care!'' Karl was fuming, which didn't happen often, but Nick couldn't really focus on Karl's tears and red cheeks as he was still stuck on Karl's words.

''What do you mean I talk in my sleep?'' he asked, choking back his frustration.

''You said-''

''No!'' Nick interrupted. ''What do you mean I talk in my sleep when I haven't slept a single minute the past few nights? You've been tossing and turning and silently crying, and wouldn't wake up however loud I called your name, so I tried to hug you as close as possible so you wouldn't hurt yourself! When would have I had the time to talk in my sleep?'' Nick was close to shouting, but he had the mind to stop himself from getting too loud in case Karl would react poorly to the volume.

Karl couldn't say anything. Looking at Nick he noticed the dark circles under his red rimmed eyes, and thinking back he remembered Nick drinking copious amounts of coffee. Nick didn't drink coffee normally. That could only mean one thing.

''So you said them while you were awake?'' Karl looked like a crazy scientist in a movie, lightbulb above his head and a franctic look in his eyes. ''You said those things to me while I was asleep so you didn't have to face me?'' His voice got lower and lower as his heart broke all that much more.

''What?'' Nick was taken aback. ''What the hell are you talking about?'' He had no idea how Karl came to that conclusion, but frankly, didn't even want to find out. He shook his head. ''No. What I'm getting at is that you might have dreamed it. All of it, probably, because I swear on everything that is holy that I have not said anything about you being a burden. Seriously'' Nick started to approach Karl and held out his hand so that the taller boy had the option of getting closer or staying away.

Karl placed a tentative hand in Nick's, but didn't move otherwise.

''I- I don't understand'' Karl shook his head slightly. ''But- I hear your voice. Every night.''

''I might do actually talk to you while you're asleep'' Nick said sheepishly, scratching st the back of his neck with his free hand. ''I couldn't tell you how much I love you and miss you these past days and I needed you to hear it, even if you were unconscious'' he confessed. ''I guess the message got lost in the in-between.''

''Oh'' Karl felt his cheeks heat up as he moved his eyes to the carpet of their livingroom.

''Yeah'' Nick said dumbly as he squeezed Karl's hand a bit.

''Could you- Um- Could you tell me now?'' Karl asked softly, eyes catching Nick's.

''I would love to'' Nick sighed in relief and led his boyfriend to their bedroom, lying down facing each other, cuddling for real for the first time in days.

Karl might have fallen asleep midway through the confession, but he didn't have any more doubts about his place in Nick's heart.

[vivinightingale]

You know what I wanna see with the Yu-Gi-Oh! Boys? Having to deal with their s/o putting themselves in danger! The boys throw themselves into the ocean, nearly get crushed to death, almost fall off a building, escape being burned alive or having their legs cut off. It's time for them to have the tables turned!

My my how the turn tables-

Warning ⚠️ this one contains abuse on Marik Ishtars part. If you are uncomfortable with it please skip it.

Yugi Muto:

You knew how cruel Domino high can be, with the constant bullying and corrupt teachers no day was ever easy. Especially for your boyfriend Yugi.

You didn’t know what it was, but a lot of people that it was okay for them to hurt him, and he would take cause he is too nice to say anything.

Well one day you had enough, and as this gang of bullies went to throw a punch at him you stepped in and took the blows for him.

When the dust settled and they were gone you were left bloodied and bruised on the floor. Yugi was quickly at your side call his friends to help take you to the nurse.

The poor guy was sobbing and trying his best to help you when his friends finally arrived. He has never been so heartbroken in his life and hated himself for not being able to help you.

Yugi doesn’t remember what happened after that, but he heard the next day that bullies were nowhere to be seen.

Yami/Atem:

A battle against PaniK was no easy feat considering he was to wipe people out the competition.

So watching you duel against his was hard for Yami, and it got even worse when the fire was spewing beside you.

He wanted nothing more to step in and take over the duel for you but he couldn’t. It got worse when with every second the flames licked at your legs the more burns you got.

By the time the duel was over you were covered in burn marks and no star chips. Yami called out your name as he rushed to you his friends not to far behind him.

He clutched your form as hot angry tear ls ran down his face. “I will not stand for this PaniK!” He glared up at the taller man.

“We will duel and you will give back Mai’s and (y/n) star chips!”

The battle didn’t last long as Yami wiped the floor with and took the star chips back, but to make sure PaniK would never do something like this again he sent him to the shadow realm.

He then went back to your still resting form and kissed your forehead gently pained that he let something like this ever happen to you.”

Joey Wheeler:

His fight with Marik was more devastating then he cared to admit. When he thought he had the upper had it was taken from him.

You watched from the sidelines and felt your heart wrench with every hit he took, and it got worse when Marik summoned Ra.

When Marik called his final attack you could take it anymore. So in an act of desperation you climbed up the stage and blocked the attack with your own body.

Joey and the group watch in horror as you took the blow from and Egyptian god. You clamped your jaw down hard and stood firm till the attack was over.

As you fell Joey caught and called out to you. Tears fell from his face as he tried to wake you up. It was announced that Joey was disqualified due to your interference, but he didn’t care he didn’t have the time.

He quickly picked you up and took you to the doctor. He kept trying wake up on the way there is voice frantic and pleading.

When the doctor came to the conclusion that it was a coma is when he sobbed hard. How could he let something like this happen to you? He should have stopped you!

He stayed with you all night and for most of Yugi’s duel, and when you finally woke up was he hugged you tightly “Don’t you EVER do that again!”

Tristan Taylor:

With as many fights as he has been in due gangs you would think that you would be use to seeing him hurt.

But you never were with hit took the more you worried about him and his health. So you tried to talk him out of it.

He promised you that he would stop fighting, but that was easier said then done. Especially since the gangs wouldn’t leave him alone.

You watched as he was caught in the middle of another fight, and you weren’t a fighter yourself so the best you could was yell at them to stop.

But that wasn’t enough. So as Tristan was nearly wobbling ready to take another hit you stepped in and acted as his shield.

The punch to your stomachs hurt but you stood firm. You weren’t gonna let the man you love be hurt anymore.

Luckily for you, you shocked the attacker and that was the opening Tristan needed to knock the mans lights out.

As the two of you hobbled home Tristan slung an arm around “it was brave of you...but please don’t do that again...”

Duke Devlin:

The fight with Nezbitt was anything but easy. He played to their weaknesses, and attacked the weaker link.

With that being said that left Duke to fend for himself and the other two, and that made you worried and upset for your boyfriend and friends.

You got so worried that you offered to take Tristans place after he fell, because they were desperate for more bodies Nezbitt accepted.

You blocked and helped your boyfriend and serenity to the best of your abilities, cause you to lose more life points.

Duke tried to yell at you stop, that he was willing to take the blow for the two of you but you weren’t having any of it.

So when Nezbitt aimed a huge attack at duke you knew what you had to do to keep him safe. You use you monster to block the attack knocking out your LP

All you remember is waking in an electronic cats body. You followed Tristan and found your friends and boyfriend.

After the events Duke held your face in his hands and kisses you roughly “please I can’t lose you... don’t do that again.”

Seto Kaiba:

You didn’t know if you believed Noah’s story, but you didn’t like how he was using Mokuba against Seto.

The battle between Seto and Noah was getting scary and you didn’t like the look of it. You were there with Yugi’s group of friends as they commentated on what was going on but you could hear it.

When Mokuba finally came to his sense you were so happy that you were in tears, but that was short lived as Noah Aimee his sights at the brothers

Fearing what was gonna happen, you ran past them and held your arms out taking the blow that was meant for them.

Seto and Mokuba watched in horror as you were turned to stone as Noah laughed in the background. “To think someone actually wanted to protect you Seto.”

That was the last straw for the young CEO. He sent Mokuba with Yugi and his friends as he glared at the deck master in front of him.

“Your games end her Noah.”

When you woke up Mokuba ran up to crying your name as he hugged you, and before you could ask Seto pulled you both into a protective hug. “Don’t do something so stupid again”

Bakura Ryou:

Bakura was never much of a fighter, and he never claimed to be. So when this tall guy tells the poor boy he wants to fight for stealing his girlfriend he is a bit shaken up.

He was gonna simply ignore it and move on with his day till he got a not in his locker stating that they had you.

He couldn’t allow anything to happen to you, so he went to the set location that the boy wanted to meet at.

Seeing you with someone else hold your hands behind you back made him furious. Glaring at the boy he tried to resolve the misunderstanding but it was in vain.

Though Bakura was agile and quick the boy still landed hits on him, and terrible hit they were.

You watch from afar as Bakura and the guy faught you wanted to stop it but didn’t know how. So you watched in tears.

When Bakura took a nasty hit and was on the ground was when you were able to break free from you captors and block anymore hits from landing on Bakura.

You took a few hits of your own but eventually the bully got board and left yelling at Bakura to leave his girl alone. All the two of you could do was hold each other till everything was okay again.

Yami Bakura:

Everyone knew this man cared for nothing but himself and his plan. So when they learned he an s/o they were all surprised.

They way everyone found out was not the normal way either. One of his duels got really physical when joey learned he would be sent to the shadow realm if he lost.

Yami Bakura isn’t use to fighting so when took blows from Joey they were hard blows. You tried to call to Joey to stop, but your voice didn’t reach.

So as a last resort you ran in between them and block Bakura from the punch. Unfortunately for you he hit you hard enough to send you to the ground.

At the sight of your fallen form Yami Bakura grew angry and hostile. The shadow grow angry as Yami Bakura came up to him and grabbed the collar of his shirt.

“You will pay for the crime you committed against (y/n)”

You don’t know how the battle ended but you woke up in the arms of Yami Bakura carrying back home.

“You will never pull a stunt like that ever again.” Was all he grumbled as he held to close all the way home.

Marik Ishtar:

Living with his father was never easy, especially when he got angry when Marik didn’t want to do as he was told.

Marik suffered many beating from his father, and you witnessed every one of them, and you hated it.

So one day Mariks father was yelling at him, and you noticed his hand raise to strike a blow at Marik you stepped in and took the hot for him.

Marik gasped at the sight of your form on the floor, your face red from the blow. However, your act of your courage gained you a beating of your own.

After you were take back to your room to recover from it. A litt but after Marik sneaked in to see you.

When he saw the state you were in he immediately began sobbing .

“Why would you do that! You know how harsh father can be!”

You didn’t say anything as you smiled at him. Marik didn’t like that response but stayed at your side till you were better once again.

Yami Marik:

The battle between Yami Marik and the Pharaoh was coming to a close, and you were terrified of the outcome. You didn’t want to lose the man you loved.

So out of act of desperation you instered yourself in to the duel and used your life points to power Ra.

Most of you was in the shadow realm as you watched Marik best the Pharaoh and claim his victory. So in turn you were very weak and ended up passing out before you could see the aftermath

You don’t know how long you were out, but when you woke up again you were laying down on a very comfortable bed with Yami Marik right beside you.

You heard shuffling as Marik grip around you tightend slightly. “You have served me well doll, but don’t ever do that again or I will leave you there”

You nodded knowing he only said those words out of worry. You snuggled up to him and fell back asleep dreaming of the rest your lives together.

[captainkurosolaire]

A Father’s Instinct!

The emerging stark black and white halves returned with a shattering of Silv’a ice-fence with a flashiness, they were past their play-enclosure. When arriving they saw only the foul demon who was kicking back and forth Nihlius and Klethera with their helpless unconscious state, each painfully being decimated and cheaply used as something to get aggression off with sadistic intent. Grinding a foot over and slamming it over and over Klethera who was screeching in bloodied pain in such defensiveness, trickling of celestially sparks of life, called tears, were protruding from her oceanic blues. Captain and Shiro stood in dismay both trembling but a slow-languid stare, tilted head of the Noble, came to look at the pirate’s response… Blistering red heat emitted his sun-kissed complexion. Why... why was it so scorching hot, so hot, so painfully searing like being thrust in the Sun. Blood pumping and swelling out against the surface breaking every blood-vessel into vascular veins, muscles enlarging and expanding from tensing, bulging, nail’s breaking flesh into its own. Sweaty and unruly deep thick melting red waters flowed in contesting against the cool-shifting room’s temperature. Brow-twisting and twitching, eye’s dilating and spinning around faster than the rotating orbit of the world. This feeling… Uneven attainable unless you possessed someone of your own, those tears held glitter stars of hope, and they were shedding from anguish. Gut-wrenched his diaphragm uncaring to even breathe. Caution drowned away, rightful sanity was murdered. Zieton’s own heed, ‘The half-soul you have is now an empty pot, what you fill, is what you’ll receive, that goes for all seed’s in life.’  Disregarded, nothing mattered, who cared anymore, was transcribed over. He was careful. Never wanting to let a child of his own into his dangerous sailor escapades, the same went for all he valued and loved, wives.., To know him, is to die so it seemed the outcome, or be forced to be strong, he pushed away everything and castaway it for many sake’s…but... Klethera, weaseled herself into his life with unrelenting to track and succeed in finding her deadbeat and chose this on her own, not for him, but her. Shiro was staggering noticing and barely able to fathom what was consuming his rival. Captain drowned and died on this day. He blew through with a Father’s instinct, of sheer resolve, the power that’d DESTROY anything God or none, to rip the head off shoulders for those who’d make their children suffer. The same adrenaline that’d an exhibiting atypical regular parent, under desperation were documented in news the uncanny performance to seething of upset feats which punctured through impossibilities. Pupil’s swallowed away as his eye’s seethed and glowered red. He broke through a Ghost-Step and round kicked the devil off her and then instantaneously a series of two identical clones carrying his fury began erupting with the same rage, the room was being taken over from an uproar of animistic rage that brought even sorrow.  A demon found himself becoming intensified and strong from this and was able to dodge the clone’s before grabbing both their legs on respective sides. Limit’s were insignificantly allowing Captain to push another close in quarter, ghost-step, nothing would allow him to get away, his teeth puncturing his own mouth, as he brought an indomitable punch that shattered through Silv’a’s entire sternum and broke through on the opposing side. Silv’a found himself in more agony than he could suffer screaming, ‘get off, get off, get off!’ getting his karma. Senses overloaded Captain was devoid of all reason, logic. Returning to his heritage of a lineage of savages. Harkening primal and primitiveness that conquered his mind.  Backhead round kick’s of the clone’s unleashed before squeezing this fiend’s arm’s and tugging on them to yank them off with a ferocity. Trying to escape the clutches but that blasted fist straight through the sternum prevented him, his feet were caught and pinned as Captain’s boots and weight prevented him, that facial rage overflowing with hostility, Captain broke a torrent of headbutts and then wrapped his second palm around a wrangling throat and began tugging up, at the risk of tearing this demon sheerly apart from spine, like a furious lion who watched a cub being abducted. His aether… so volatile was biting at both their fleshes like stings of bees. Shiro reinforced his rival with a skin of diamond ice but had to channel it and maintain it. Captain was temporarily indestructible, unwavering, finding his nails growing and sharpening from the Amdapori’s cell that had a small remnant trace left, settling into puncturing that so called perfectly immortal body Silv’a sold himself too. Silv’a felt every bone of his rattle like tide’s were going to swallow him into an endless vortex. His own survival instinct, unleashed all the might of the medallion’s of fire and lightning he swallowed. Captain scowled and winced before erupting even more angry and explosively mad, “ANYONE WHO MAKES MY BABY GIRL CRY IS T’ DIE! I WILL RIP YOU LIMB FROM LIMB N’ EVERY EXISTING HELL, THERE IS NO REALM YOU’LL ESCAPE ME.” This was not a threat… It was a promise! No.. worse, it was being proven. Fear knew the demon of a Father who held the belly of a beast. So counter-opposite in their parental approaches and handling. Silv’a was fighting for his life and survival as his neck bones were heard snapping from their sockets. The clone’s kept back and forth punching his face into left and right cheek barrages of complete annihilation and barbarically. Flesh and skin was being removed in an unbridled flash flood of gore. The clone’s dissipated and were electrified out. Giving back his arms, Silv’a unrelenting back, squeezing back and punching fist’s of the voidal inferno into the Seeker. Even with reinforced diamond skin it still busted through with hellish need. The Warlock set a palm on Captain’s face to push him back and even gouged a thumb against his eye socket.  This viscous black lion, wasn’t halting though, only terrifying ever shivering bone of the demoniacal entity. His soul and spirit were being feasted by a fearful aura. Shiro collapsed from being aethercially drained to maintain and sustain all those hits, “I’m sorry.” Face planting with exhaustion barely conscious. Captain showed no restraint as if he was accepting on dying here, wanting to claim the trophy of this demon’s head before. It was his resolve. Though suddenly in fortunate favor, for the demon, the pressure loosened as Captain slunk back and collapsed instantaneously with a lifelessness thud into the pavement. The Noble actually had a shot of mourning and disbelief. Did he just witness his first unspoken…secret friend… die. The Keeper didn’t have anything in his reservoir to repeat the same feat. He didn’t have the force of a brute with carnage. The opposite effect transpired throughout him though. Realization of something angelical, as if felt, he saw the glimpse of a bright sun-ray exorcise all the traces of evilness in him. He felt sheer remorse and emotion that could icebreak his coldness. Convinced and impulsed, ‘to save’ Solaire. At all, cost. His body denied him, making him crawl like a peasant but his arrogance was beside that fact. For once he wanted more than any other time, he wanted to save and protect a life truly. He never wished to do anything else but be an Aegis. Though always unsuccessful or felt, never achieved it. The terrible Silv’a still looked through his shallow hole that went completely through him. He kept puking up an endless entrails of organs. Starting to regenerate, heaving and having to use the maximum force of his medallions wasn’t designed. Furthermore, that shot also broke a Voidal Relic mirror that Silv’a kept clinging to prevent that type of thing from occurring, this beast even punctured through that, these infuriating insects had nullified his foresight, overextending only for that to fail too. Their troublesome union and teamwork was a fellow nightmare. Silv’a gassed and tried to recuperate with such dreadfulness and still a swelling of life-threatening that crept in his spine, immortality… Was this useless his plan for Project Immortal Age? “NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” How dare this mortal question his own self! Demon’s can't feel doubt… He couldn’t either, he achieved a higher-level above all these scattered disarray insignificant whelps!                         (Previous) << (Voidal Relics) >> (Next)  

[aesop1]

clumsy [6]

pirate!chanyeol x reader

a/n: i am back, and i am better. i was pretty sad over the past few months, so i’m sorry for my inactivity. but i’m back! this is the second to last part to clumsy, so i hope you all enjoy this chapter, and i will get back to you all with the finale in due time!

word count: 6.4 k

warnings: i’m pretty sure there’s cursing in here.

(i do not own the gif)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

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trudging over to the beach was a feat in itself for you, to be entirely honest. from the reluctance stemming from having to meet your lying mother, to the ever comforting warmth which radiated off of chanyeol as he laid in bed beside you, the memories of last night still fresh in your mind as you awoke. 

____________________________

"I..." you breathed out, eyes darting rapidly around chanyeol's face. you wanted to pinch yourself, yet you found that you were frozen in place, mouth opening and closing like that of a fish. it just seemed so... unreal. you didn't even know the man before you, yet here he is confessing to you. you didn't even know him, yet here you are equally as smitten. "I cannot, I cannot." you turned around, pacing away from him with your hands buried in your salty hair. you heard him following after you silently, letting you continue your spiel. "this cannot be real. I get kidnapped by pirates, my mother is suddenly not dead, I am supposedly a deity of sorts, and now a handsome pirate is here confessing to me. this isn't normal, none of this is normal."

"I know you're panicking," chanyeol tried reasoning, keeping his distance from you. "and I know none of this is normal. I am so sorry we brought you in this mess, and you shall never truly grasp the sorrow I hold for you." it was silent for a moment as you considered his words, eyes watering as he spilled his emotions towards you. "but I have never grown so accustomed to someone in the span of my miserable life. I cannot just let you go so easily." at this point, his voice was growing more unstable, the slightest quiver reaching your ears at the end of his proclamation. "surely, there must be something more to us. the love I hold for you, it cannot be explained within the English language, nor the meer human mindset, I..." he paused, drawing closer to you hesitantly. you didn't retract, however, and he took this as a positive sign. "I love you, (y/n)."

those words seemed to be your breaking point. all rationale finally coming to an accordance. why bother running away when you are just as in love with him as he is with you? it makes no sense for you to compare this unworldly love to that of a regular person's love. and so with this decision planted in your mind, you ran into his arms, tears of joy wracking through your body as he held you to him.

"I love you, chanyeol," you whispered into his sleeve, feeling his muscles stiffen beneath you. he pulled away, cupping your cheek with one hand and surveying your face.

"are you speaking the truth?" he asked, a smile already blossoming on his own. with a nod, you reciprocated his expression, standing on your toes and kissing him. this kiss, like the one prior, left you breathless and weak, yet a new wave of comfort washed upon you as you now took note of the underlying passion within the kiss. your fingers gently dug into the back of his neck, grounding yourself to the moment as he poured his heart out to you, holding you closer to him in desperation. 

______________________________

the confession had lead to him dragging you back to his quarters, refusing to let you sleep in the same bed as your former roommates who had let you run free under their watch.

and now here you stand, shoes sinking into the fine sands beneath as the ocean greeted you in loud, raucous crashes. it was perhaps a five minute stroll in these beaches where you stumbled across your mother gazing out into the seas. just the sight of her alone left a bitter taste rolling across your taste buds, a fairly apparent grimace displayed at her bright smile. 

"good evening, (y/n)," she greeted you, tone ever optimistic. you grumbled in response, the early morning sun reminding you that you could very well be sleeping beside your new beloved.

oh, how daftly foreign the concept seemed to you, having never courted anyone before on your small island and now share your heart with a once feared pirate who accidentally abducted you; it seemed straight from a fanciful romance novel of sorts. 

"so, before we begin this... training session," she began, hesitating on what exactly this meet up was to you for a moment. "do you have any questions for me? perhaps any powers you may wield secretly and don't know yet?" oh, the questions you had for her. 

"why did you leave us?" you asked, arms crossing over your chest in a defensive stance. she didn't seem taken aback by your question, and proceeded to answer.

"I had to leave you both." she began, smile fading as she thought back to the dreadful day she was forced to part from her daughter. "that's what us ancestors must do. if we stray too far from our duties, chaos may reign upon the earth and her inhabitants." you were too afraid to ask her to elaborate on that part, and luckily she moved on from it. "as Libra shines above in the night, representing the scale, we stand as a balance for Earth." 

you stood for a moment, considering her words. you didn't really have the jurisdiction to call her claim invalid, as you're new to this whole case, so you accepted her words for the time being. 

"why didn't you tell me?" your voice was much softer than before, foot digging into the sands nervously. she paused for a moment, scanning your face before taking a look at your whole being, as if you were about to disappear on her and she wouldn't see you for another decade or so.

"you were so young," she started, a fresh sheen of tears coating her eyes. "you were just barely in school, and you were already the outcast of the island. I didn't want to set you up for further alienation if you were to find out I'm a goddess. believe it or not, many people do not believe in us ancient souls."

"I hadn't even heard of your kind until yesterday." a breathy laugh left your lips, disbelief riddled your expression. "how do I even know this is genuine and not some elaborate ruse to validate your absence in my life?" 

a melancholic smile replaced her prior joyous one, her patience ever so apparent with your relentless sass. she extended a hand, expectantly awaiting your touch. bitterly, you reached out as well, your desperation for answers much stronger than your discontent for this whole ordeal. her hands were course, a sign of the many years spent toiling on the waters. it faintly reminded you of chanyeol's gentle touch, the gentle scratch of his thumb gliding across your cheeks as he believed you were asleep. oh how the meer thought of him had you calmed down as your mother brought you to the waters. 

"take off your shoes." she instructed, doing so as well and kicking them away from the waters. begrudgingly, you followed her lead. she took a step forward, the water encasing her feet as if welcoming her home; the home she truly belonged to. she never belonged to you nor your dear father. she was just a a pawn of mother nature. hesitantly, you followed along once more and entered the waters. it felt nothing like last night where it seemingly called to you, and you were beginning to believe you had imagined that beckon.

"clear your mind." she pressed, shutting her eyes and breathing in. "the ocean is free and reckless. your mind should reflect that. there should be no obstructions like stresses or worries."

it was definitely easier said than done, especially in your case in which you only ever thought about where life has taken you. the ups and downs, the twists and turns. too much has happened for a cluttered mind like yours to clear away. you attempted nonetheless, closing your eyes and rolling back your shoulders. 

you thought about the first thing that had been bothering your troubled soul: the death of your father. the man who raised you when your mother left, devoting his life to creating the person you are now. you recalled the many nights where he would ask about your day and check your well-being even though he would have a horribly tasking day at the tavern. although he grew older and therefore weaker, he still insisted on carrying the heavy loads as to not hurt you in anyway. he protected you from the dangers of the world until his last breath. until his life was unfairly taken away from him by the pirates who have you now.

your heart tightened, allowing you to fully grieve your father's death. you don't know who killed him, but you do know that rather than seeking vengeance and showing spite to any potential killer, you should be remembering your father for who he was. nothing can be changed, but you can continue living your life the way he would've wanted and still keep him close to your heart.

what a thought. you've been so plagued by the loss around you, you hadn't even taken a moment to grieve and accept everything that's been revoked from you. you just kept moving forward, you hadn't even paused to take a breath. you were filled with anger and confusion, you didn't know how to cope with such an ordeal. you pointed fingers, isolated yourself, held grudges. you were tired. you were exhausted. you were ready to let it all go, and move on. 

you thought about the pirates who took you in. as barbaric as they were, they've accepted you when no one else would. they've become more familiar to you than anyone on that dreaded island ever was. kyungsoo became your closest friend; sehun not only saved you various times, but also entrusted you with his fears; yixing took care of you when you injured yourself; minseok and junmyeon shared their time and stories with you. jongin and jongdae hadn't spared many moments with you, but you saw how they were. they were all humans. corrupt, filthy, ruthless pirates, but they were humans with flaws and passions. they didn't walk about with a chip on their shoulders believing they were mightier than you, because they knew they were flawed and had their own sins to deal with. they all adapted to you so quickly, but perhaps not as quickly as chanyeol. 

chanyeol.

at first, so aggressive and hostile; the embodiment of your childhood fears. he yelled at you, picked at your insecurities and your weaknesses. you had hated him, loathed him, vowed to yourself you would escape from his clutches someway, somehow. and yet, here you are. willingly staying by his side. 

you could've run by now, snagged a fisherman's boat and rowed away with nothing but your will and determination. you'd leave it all behind, start anew on a deserted island. no remorse, no fear. no ties to the past, no promises for the future. you'd be free, and leave all of this behind you. all of these pirates, these surfacing secrets. 

no potential mother. no new comrades. no chanyeol. 

you'd be leaving chanyeol behind. his commanding presence, his need to be leader, his ruthless demands. you'd also be leaving behind his careful touches, his admiring gaze, his heart fluttering kisses. you'd be leaving behind love. your love for him and his love for you. you couldn't abandon that. that's why you're here, drenched in water before even the birds have awoken–

wait. drenched?

opening your eyes, you found yourself in the depths of the sea, water resting peacefully at your shoulders and licking at your neck. turning around, you found your mother waving happily at the shore. she gave you a thumbs up, a proud expression gracing her features. you began swimming back to the shore, bewildered at your surroundings and demanding even more answers for even more questions you've accumulated. 

"that was incredible!" she shouted to you when you were within range. 

"what the hell was that, exactly?" you trudged over to her, tossing your arms downward in an attempt to expel some water from your clothing. 

"did you not feel it?" she began, clutching your shoulders enthusiastically. "the water accepted you, she missed you." you gaped at her, beginning to shiver from the cool morning breeze hitting your now soaked form.

"you're telling me that the water dragged me in?" she nodded, smile not wearying in the slightest. "i could've potentially drowned, is what you're saying."

"no, because as long as you have this," her hand slid from your shoulder to your neck, tapping on a certain spot that you now recall held the shell tattoo which started this all, "you will always be one with the ocean." you stared incredulously at her, still wet and still filled with questions, but now also filled with irritation. you were scared, you were confused, and she wasn't clearing up anything. "whatever you were thinking of opened you up. you were finally free, reflecting the strength of the waters." you pursed your lips, thoughts of chanyeol still lingering in your mind. "you need to keep whatever you were thinking about in your mind, because that's your key to your powers."

"well, what's your key then?" you snapped, trying to divert your thoughts away from the man in your head and to the present. 

"i didn't have a key for a long while." she explained quietly, brushing back your hair. "until I had you. suddenly, the call to the ocean was louder than it ever was. I was stronger than I ever was, and now I feel most powerful when thinking of you." your eyes softened, shoulders going slack at her words. "I'm so proud to have had you. I'm even more proud to see you growing to be such a strong woman. overcoming obstacle after obstacle. I want you to discover what's in you. i want you to grow even more. i want the best for you." she lingered for a moment longer, taking in your features one last time before pulling away. "i have to go soon." 

you paused, blinking away your shock to stare at her. she had a solemn expression, head tilted and eyebrows frowned.

"excuse me?"

"i won't be gone for long. i have to clear out something. i don't want it to haunt me for longer than it needs to, but while I am gone," she stared out to the ocean, eyes wavering the slightest bit, "stay safe. i fear there's something out there. someone who wants to do you harm. do others harm."

"what is that even supposed to mean?" 

"I'm not sure exactly. the ocean wants you to steer clear of this danger, though." 

she turned back to you, holding out her arms before dropping them down towards the ground. with that one forceful motion, the water which lingered on your body followed her movement and joined with the water at your feet. acknowledging your now dry clothes, she bid you one final farewell.

"i must go now. I'll return soon. if you don't stay here, I'll find you. don't worry, darling." one last lingering gaze was directed to you, and with that she turned away, wading into the waters. dunking her head into the waves, she disappeared from your sight, no trace beside her touches on your neck which still held her warmth. 

____________________________

you wandered back into your room, more dejected and confused than you'd been before. what possible threat could you have to face if you're here? this is literally a safe haven for your kind.

you still don't know what you are. sure, you're your mother's daughter. sure, you're basically a demigod. sure you nearly drowned half an hour ago because the water apparently wanted you. add everything up, and what do you get? confusion. 

and for your mother to just leave like that? you were beginning to despise her more than you had before, as well.  what a rude woman. abandoning her daughter after just stating she has danger coming her way. 

"what danger?" you muttered to yourself, crossing your arms and peering out the window to the shore. it was more busy now, a few folks wandering around for a morning stroll. you wonder if anyone had seen your spectacle, but you don't recall anyone being there. "the danger must really be out there somewhere." the water had spoken to her, your mother had explained. how can the water tell what's about to come your way? does it come with the blood connection to the ocean? the water just surveys it's surface area in search of any threats towards your mom and her kin? does she have more kids? no, she can't. she herself had said you were her only strength. as much as you didn't like her at the moment, she was still your mom. she wouldn't chest on your father like that, even though they separated as such. what would've been so bad about visiting sometimes? instead, she faked her death. 

a knock at your door startled you into reality, a sharp gasp leaving your lips as you whirled around and stared at the door. danger? could it be the danger your mother warned you of? so soon? you had no way of fighting it, you didn't know how to fight. you didn't have chanyeol with you either. you could always just dive out of the window and run, but there's no telling whether the person outside can catch up to you. nonetheless, it'll give you a head start and you can–

"(y/n)?" a deep voice rumbled from outside, settling your thoughts in an instant with a relieved huff as you made your way over to the door, opening it to reveal chanyeol. although on shore, he still adorned an overcoat and had his sword tucked neatly away along his hip. he still looked incredibly intimidating in your eyes, yet you couldn't help your wandering hands which twitched to touch his curly hair. "are you alright? i checked the beach a while ago and saw no trace of you or your mother." how could someone as ruthless as him be such a sweetheart to you? he really meant it when he said he had fallen for you so unreasonably quick, and the same goes for you. 

"I'm okay." you whispered out, leaning against the wooden door and peering up at your lover. lover? could you even say that? you've both established your reciprocating feeling, yet it seems strange to call him that. "my mother is gone. she left me once more."

"I'm sorry to hear that, dear." you bit back a grin at the term of endearment, sounding perfect from his lips as cheesy as it had sounded. "may I step in?" 

"it's your room, captain," you giggled back, stepping inside and sitting at the edge of the bed. 

"why is it that you call me captain now that I don't want you to?" he grumbled, sitting beside you with an oversized pout.

"what would you prefer i call you?" you turned so you could face him, admiring his glum side profile. 

"chanyeol, at least," he insisted, "or whatever your heart desires." he turned with a nervous expression to you, causing you to smile more and more along with his request. "but how did the meeting go?"

"i nearly drowned because apparently the water yearns for me." you laughed some more at chanyeol's bewildered face, eyes nearly bulging out beneath his curly fringe. "don't worry, apparently I can't drown. the water doesn't want me dead." he calmed down the slightest bit, a soft sigh exhaled from him causing his shoulders to slump downward. "speaking of which, I'm in danger."

"pardon?" he narrowed his eyes at you, trying to discern whether you were kidding or not. sadly, you were not. 

"the water has spoken, it says there's a danger out there that means to do me harm. my mother responded with leaving me abandoned on the beach."

"as furious as I want to be right now," he started, jaw clenched as he stared forward at nothing. "I'm far too nervous for your well-being to care enough about my rage." he glanced over at you, your eyes shimmering with mirth and cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. "don't worry, my flower, I won't let anything harm you. I'll protect you to my last breath." 

my flower. that's what your mother used to call you when you were younger. her flower. and she abandoned her flower, never to return. until you stumbled upon her in a place you should've never been in. and all she did was leave you during your time of need. two times. 

yet here's chanyeol, the man who's given you his entire heart with no hesitation, treating you as a loved one should. you're his flower. and he'd be damned if he were to let anyone trample on his flower. 

lover. of course chanyeol was your lover. no one was more deserving of that title than he. the thought that he'd put himself on the line for your safety was astonishing to you, so much so that you didn't even acknowledge as a tear fell down your cheek, chanyeol reaching up and wiping it away. 

"thank you, my love," you breathed out, resting your cheek on his hand and shutting your eyes in peace. as long as you have chanyeol, of course you'll be safe.

____________________________

the rest of your day went by rather anticlimactically, just venturing the isle you've all landed on. jinyoung and his crew had guided you all around for a brief while, and you became rather close to jinyoung who lived the same situation as you. it was relieving to learn that he was just as confused as you once, only to now embrace his blood and his power. eventually, they bid you all a farewell as they prepared to leave. 

"let us hope that we shall one day reunite!" jackson exclaimed dramatically, hand thrown into the air in a theatrical manner. as reluctant as you were to actually relate to what you just saw before your eyes, you had to agree with him. you really did hope that you'll see these guys again. although you hated to see them all go, you knew that if it was meant to be, you'd cross paths again. 

"are all pirates as friendly as they are?" you questioned, finally prying your eyes from their retreating ship and over to the man beside you. jongdae gave a brief laugh before shaking his head, eyes still crinkled with joy. 

"no, this is actually a rare occurrence." he explains, also turning to face you. "if you recall, before we found safety here, we were fleeing from a ship?" oh, that's right. that's why you guys are still here and not going to heavens knows where. "well, that crew specifically is one of the most unnecessarily aggressive pirates out there. we're aggressive as well, actually one of the most feared across the land and sea, but they hold no morals." any traces of prior happiness faded at that point. "they have no heart."

"what do you mean?" you dared to ask, already losing color in your face at the prospect of nearly falling into their hands.

"most pirates have ambitions they follow freely, which is why they break free from the constraints of laws and flee to the oceans. some want riches, some want notoriety and fear." he shoves his hands in his pockets, staring out into the ocean as if in deep thought. "some want to just escape. from their own fears, their own persecutions, their anxieties." he tenses his jaw, a stern expression crossing his face. you believe that's what he's out here for: an escape. you realize you never really learned why they were out here, you just assumed they wanted to pillage and ruin lives. perhaps the ruining lives just comes as a consequence to the life they've chosen. 

"but what of them?" you press on, now becoming more anxious as he delays the inevitable. 

"they have no ambitions." he explains, facade unwavering. "they're barely even human. when I first heard of them, it was from a tale of a lone survivor of an island that was completely obliterated. he was too shaken to give any details apparently. the story goes that the only words he could utter were, 'the seven deadly sins.'" you gulped, eyebrows stitching together at that. the seven deadly sins? "they came, they saw, they conquered. most pirates just kill to get the resources they need while at sea, like food or money or clothes. apparently only half of the islands treasury was raided." 

"what?" you muttered under your breath, imagining the wreckage of that island compared to yours. yours was devastating, but imagine an entire island obliterated by just seven men. 

"they kill for sport. there are pirates who have allies and who have enemies, but they don't try to negotiate. no one has ever been civil with them because all they do is attack and kill." he turns over to you, head tilting the slightest to get a better look at you. "chanyeol doesn't try to mess with them, so you're safe with us, of course. but if you were to ever encounter them..." he lifted his hand and placed it on your shoulder, squeezing it to just the point of uncomfortable, just enough to keep you rooted in your place staring at jongdae's serious expression. "... run."

with that, he pulled away, giving you one final look before turning and entering the pub where everyone else was. you turned back to where your comrades' ship had at this point nearly disappeared, gulping as you looked beyond the horizon. maybe if you stare hard enough, you'd find where this supposed demon crew were. perhaps they're a long distance away, having given up when you all but disappeared into thin air. maybe they're still there, lurking and awaiting your return. 

the waves. they seemed to amplify in sound, muting your surroundings and calling for your attention solely on them. their even sloshing lulled you into a state of brief peace before a rather harsh crash against the port had you jumping back into reality. a shiver ran down your spine, the wind from the sea hitting you and cooling your already cold form. you felt afraid, wrapping your arms around yourself as if that would protect you. far away from your spot, you heard the distant roar of thunder. the longer you stood there, the more you realized this was your warning. your mother warned you first, and now the ocean is speaking to you personally. 

run.

with no hesitation, you turned and bolted to the bar, crashing in and pushing patrons as you scrambled around to find chanyeol. it should've been easy considering he was quite possibly the tallest man on the island, yet your frazzled state had you in a frenzy, desperately searching for your protector. you felt you were about to die, your lungs gasping for air even though you had plenty of it, your heart hammering against your ribs even though you ran for a mere 30 seconds at most. as a final attempt to find him, you outstretched your hand outward, closing your eyes and holding your breath. you couldn't take this anymore. you needed to be in the arms of safety you knew so well. and as if blessed by the heavens above, a familiar hand clamped around your wrist, dragging you forward and into an equally familiar chest. 

"what are you doing here?" chanyeol shouted over the commotion around you both. you opened your eyes, tears obscuring your vision, yet you could identify the silhouette of his messy locks. 

"we need to leave," you demanded, hands gripping his shirt in desperation. "we're in danger. we need to hide. we need to prepare. there's no time–"

"calm down," he interjected, hand placed at the back of your neck. "breathe." you did as he said, taking in a shaky breathe and burying your face in his shirt. just being with him was calming you immensely, and you were so grateful to have him beside you. "I'll go gather the boys, we'll call it a day. we'll head back to the inn and stay there the rest of the night. no one is to leave. how does that sound?"

as anxious as you remained, that idea sounded better than nothing and you found yourself nodding furiously. he never let you go. he kept you in his arms as he wrangled up his crew, dragging them all out of the pub and to the inn for the night. since it was still rather early, many chose to stay in the waiting room, refusing to settle down so early.

"yixing, stay alert. junmyeon, alert me if anything happens." chanyeol instructed, hand resting on your back as he began leading you to his room. you wanted to tell him he could stay with the guys, but you needed him by you. you wouldn't be able to sleep if you were alone in that room.

even when you both arrived to the room, you clung to chanyeol like your life depended on it. perhaps it did. your hands trembled against him, and your eyes shut tight in hopes that no tears would escape. all he did was hold you against him. he asked no questions, he knew you didn't want to talk about it. instead, he rubbed your back, detangled your hair with his hands, softly hummed a gentle tune. eventually, you did wind up falling asleep, the last thing you remember before succumbing to your exhaustion being a small kiss against your forehead. 

____________________________

it was dark. even when you widened your eyes, you couldn't see anything in front of you. you couldn't feel anything, your movements sluggish and forced. as terrifying as it was to lose these integral senses, you felt nothing but tranquility. 

you could hear waves. rolling against one another, crashing into the land, stirring to and fro. a symphony of oceanic noises you've come to grow accustomed to, yet this time around, it was different. each individual movement was like a disembodied voice calling out to you, begging for your attention. you were the sole listener, and with every other distraction eliminated, you could hear the voices loud and clear. 

"captain!" a distant cry, muffled to the point that you had to strain to decipher the word itself. 

"captain!" this was much clearer this time around. although, this voice didn't match those of the other waves. what could this be?

"chanyeol!" it felt as if the waves were getting louder, more panicked. it was no longer serene. a cacophony of crashes had you covering your ears, as if a sea storm were taking place all around you. 

"(y/n)!"

____________________________

you shot up from the bed, breathing erratic and a thin sheen of sweat encasing your body. you took in your surroundings. you were in the room, chanyeol beside you. everything would've been normal if it weren't for the frightened man beside you and the cries of agony from outside. 

"we need to go," he explained, tugging you to your feet and rushing out the door. he barreled down the hall, practically carrying you at this point until he reached the end, sehun and junmyeon's shaken forms waiting.

"what's going on?" you asked, peeking out the nearby window to see the familiar red which came with an abundant amount of fire.

pillaging.

"a hostile pirate crew came," sehun explained, taking your other hand and tugging you away from chanyeol. 

"it's bangtan." junmyeon explained, chanyeol visibly freezing at this news. bangtan? that was the crew you were evading from before.

the seven deadly sins. 

"our only hope of survival is escaping." chanyeol explained. "round up everyone. we need to make it out to the ship."

"we can fight them off while sehun takes her to the ship first." junmyeon elaborated, chanyeol already nodding along. 

"sehun, you heard." chanyeol snapped, taking one last glance towards you.

pain. fear. anxiety. you could tell how troubled chanyeol was at this very moment. even he didn't know if he'd make it out alive. 

I'll protect you to my last breath.

without another moment wasted, sehun pulled you onto his back, and with one last nod to chanyeol and junmyeon, took off to the entrance of the inn. you turned around for one last fleeting glimpse of chanyeol who stared back at you. you didn't know if this would be your last meeting. if you'd die, or he'd die, or you'd both die. you didn't have much time to think before sehun stumbled out of the inn. devastation lied everywhere. fires burning buildings, bloodied patrons running about. 

"they're probably distracted killing right now." sehun suggested, eyeing a clean route away from the carnage. "this could be our chance. hold on." he began trekking beneath the shadows, rushing to get to the port yet trying to remain hidden. all you could do was hold on and hope for the best. the further you both got, the more distant the cries got. they seven seemed to be all focused on that one spot. how could seven measly men hold up an actual battle against an island of misfits, pirates, and gods? they were unbelievable. you were beginning to feel worried for chanyeol and the gang attempting to hold back the pirates from you and sehun. "there it is." you spotted the ship just as sehun spoke, as if a beacon of hope. sehun took one last glance around before booking it to the ship, hands grasping your legs wrapped around him to ensure your safety. you were almost there. you could practically taste victory. yet fate always seemed to laugh upon you and your miserable life, because one single gunshot crushed those dreams in a second. 

sehun stumbled and crashed into the dirt, you rolling off of his back rather ungracefully. you scrambled to your knees, crawling over to the boy who was now face first in the dirt. 

"sehun?" you cried, tears gathering in your eyes as you shook the boy. you tried to ignore the blood accumulating beneath him as you shook him aggressively. "SEHUN!" 

"well, would you look at this?" a voice cut through the atmosphere, stalling your movements as you processed what was happening. you could hear the crunching of earth beneath boots as the man took slow strides in your direction. "if my eyes don't deceive me, you have to be the little vixen chanyeol picked up." you stared down at sehun, tears freely falling down your face as you prayed he was still alive. "you must be their ticket in here, huh? for chanyeol to have actually adopted some little nobody into his crew, you must be important to him." a small gasp left Sehun's lips, and even in your situation, you sighed in relief, clutching his arm gratefully, knowing he's still pushing through. "look when you're being spoken to." a cool piece of metal tapped beneath your chin, directing your attention to the man now standing above your seated form. 

he was tall. not as tall as chanyeol, but tall nonetheless. he had sharp eyes, as if already scrutinizing your worth to him. he smirked, pushing the tip of the sword against your throat. 

"my, you are rather pretty." he cocked his head to the side, a slimy smile stretching across his dark features. "chanyeol must also have you as his little toy, huh?" in one swift motion, he leaned down and yanked your arm upwards to have you on your feet. up close, he was even more intimidating. he kicked sehun out of the way, stomping his way over to the dock where you were once headed. you stared longingly at sehun who now recoiled from the pain, holding onto his stomach where the bullet pierced. he opened his eyes, watching you through his tears. the man holding you lifted a dirtied hand to his mouth, an ear piercing whistle causing you to jolt in surprise. "oh, this'll be fun. don't you worry your little head. we're much more fun than your precious exo could ever be." you whimpered, trying to tug your arm free but to no avail. "ah, there's my crew, as diligent as ever." 

six figures leisurely ran over in your direction as if the world around them wasn't on fire. they were all out of breath, sweaty, and covered in soot. 

"why the early callback?" one of them asked, attempting to catch his breath. 

"i have our catch of the day," he pushed you forward, still holding a secure grip on your arm. "this is chanyeol's possession. well, now she's ours, of course."

"oh, how exciting," one of the other ones clapped gleefully as if he were a child given candy. 

"everyone, get on board. it won't be long before chanyeol figures something is askew since I called you all back early." they all began marching towards the dock, their captain grabbing another one's arm to stop him. he shoved you into him, a hard chest catching your fall. "get her on the ship. i don't want the hassle of her kicking and screaming." 

with one curt nod, the man grabbed you and tossed you onto his shoulders like you were a sack of potatoes, his grip relentless as if he couldn't care less about your pain. kicking and screaming you did do, shouting chanyeol's name like a mantra. the louder you got, the more the man's fingers would dig into your legs, sure to leave bruises in their wake. in the distance, you could see another figure sprinting as fast as humanly possible to the ship now already moving forward. 

the captain of this ship headed to the stern of his ship, closest to the shore where the silhouette was running to. 

"get one last look in, pretty," he insisted to you, still being carried by his subordinate. he lifted his gun, aiming it right at the figure who was now clearly chanyeol. "cause this will be the last time you ever see park chanyeol." 

bang. 

you gasped as the gun went off, followed by your heartbroken screeches into the night as your lover fell to the floor a few meters away from sehun who was trying so desperately to crawl over to the dock, as if he could single-handedly save you. the captain turned around, seemingly misplaced, innocent dimples accompanying a sinister and deadly grin.

"welcome to bangtan!" he shouted, stepping away from his spot and passing by you. "the last faces you'll ever see in your miserable life."

----------------------------------------

taglist: @serendibidibidis​ @mrinalexo @softysuho​

thank you all for your patience and loyalty! i’ll try and do better with updating for you!

[oikawas-fav-alien]

Comfort | Goshiki Tsutomu x Reader

Summary: If there was one word to describe the Shiratorizawa Volleyball club for the past few years, it would be: victorious. Just the reputation of your school was enough to warrant fear and intimidation to other clubs within the prefecture. And within just a few hours - it all came crashing down.

warnings: none, rated K+ :)

✧ Masterlist  ✧

Both you and Tsutomu were extremely proud kids, just the way you went about it was completely different. He flourished in the face of praise and absolutely need attention or he would begin to doubt himself. You seemed like the complete foil to him, since you liked silent approval. You did not need to be outwardly marveled too often, but craved the occasional appreciation. You possessed skills that were not as exceptional as Ushijima, but pride that outwardly swelled more than Kenjirō. You were a good mix of the two, with the occasional teasing that came from being friends with Tender Salami.

The day the men’s team lost was a turning point for the first-years, with you leading the charge. You trained more than before, eager for a rematch with Niiyama Girls' High and ready to prove yourselves worthy to stand on the national scene. You were still the only regular first-year on the women’s team, it only a matter of time until the rest of your year would be promoted.

Tsutomu, if possible, was motivated more than before to train. He was willing to accept his faults – more than willing in reality. That boy needed a severed boost of self-esteem, god damnit! Tsutomu was going to be the main ace and obviously had the skills to prove it, but he needed to be more assertive.

“If you keep practicing serves like that, your arm will fall off.” You commented, your duffel bag hanging loosely off your shoulder. You were already changed and ready to leave, staying only to checkup on the coconut-head.

“(F/N),” Goshiki noted with a smile, “The ace must be able to train the hardest!” He exclaimed with his trademark thumbs-up.

He was a pure cinnamon roll, there was no denying it. Goshiki was the ball of sunshine that everyone needed in their lives, just to remind them of how they were before they were tainted by the cruelness of this world. But even your personal ray of happiness was hiding doubt and fear, he just refused to show others his pain.

On more than one occasion, Goshiki and you would be casually talking or hanging-out and he would look off distantly. He was there physically, but his mind was obviously elsewhere. This was not usual behavior for your close friend and you wanted him to reach out to you, but he simply would not. Maybe it was because you were a female or not as close to him as his other friends? But you desperately wanted your friend to revert back to his usual self. And because of this, you took every initiative to talk to him.

“The ace must also avoid injury, since the team relies on him the most.” You responded, dropping your duffle to the floor and moving to help gather the volleyballs. He huffed and conceded, joining you in clearing the small area that he was training in. You both cleaned in silence, one that was not usual between the two of you.

He broke off to go into the male changing room and you waited outside the building for him. You were perusing through your various social media apps on your phone, when of course, who other than your favorite Salami to walk outside and greet you?

“Wow, (F/N)-chan. Waiting just for me?” Tendou nudged you gently with his elbow as he spoke. “I’m flattered, but it’s not safe for you to be out alone so late.”

“No, I’m waiting for Tsutomu.” You responded back, waiting for the tree to incite more gossip for your relationship with the other first year.

But it never came. “That’s strange. I didn’t see him in there.”

“What?” You paused, checking your phone to see no missed calls or texts for the suddenly missing boy. “Do you mind checking again? I’ll go in the gym to see if he’s there.”

He nodded in agreement as you made your way back. And lo and behold, Goshiki was in the far corner near the entrance to the men’s locker room. He was uncharacteristically quiet, showing he did not notice your appearance back in the gym. With his knees pulled to his chest, he looked downcast with his arms folded.

You took a seat on the floor right next to him, jolting him out of his train of thought.

“(F/N)-chan! I’m sorry that I kept you waiting! Let’s get going.” He moved to get-up, but you held onto his elbow to keep him seated on the floor.

“What were you thinking about?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He looked away sheepishly, smile gone and replaced with a face or worry.

“Please talk to me, Tsutomu-kun.”

He blushed at the added prefix, but kept quiet. You could see the gears slowly moving in his head. It was easy to think things, but hard to actually convey such feelings through words to another person. You let him take his time and held his hand while he continued thinking.

“The next season scares me.” You looked directly at him, but he kept his gaze hard elsewhere. “I disliked being in Ushijima-senpai’s shadow. But at the same time, it was comforting to know there was someone else on the team you could rely on.”

He took a long pause before continuing, “I know I talk a lot about being the ace and the one that everyone can trust. But how could the team possibly rely on me? My list of weaknesses is longer than anyone of the other regular's and yet I am the next ace? I couldn’t even score when their libero was literally dived down on the floor.”

It seemed that the final with Karasuno had more of an effect on Goshiki than he seemed to let off. Karasuno’s libero, whose name currently escaped you, was capable to receiving a rather fast overhand serve. It was launched back to Shiratorizawa’s side and even set Goshiki up for the spike. But their libero was so immensely skilled that he received it again and Karasuno was able to score the point. That was no easy feat and everyone, no matter which team you were cheering for, were massively impressed.

And to the one who spiked, your friend and classmate, that event was entirely demeaning.

His list of faults did not end there. “I couldn’t even serve right! In the second set, I was the first one and it was out by a large margin. Towards the end, I started breaking down and messed up on a simple serve receive. It took Ushijima-senpai to calm me down and now that he’s going to graduate, I could only imagine how much a burden I will be to the team. I’ll never be the true ace.”

He buried his head in his arms, your hand still encased with his. Tendou popped his head in the gym, but he went unnoticed for an indiscernible amount of time. Once you noticed him, you motioned for him to leave with a subtle wave of your free hand. He stared hard at the situation for a good couple of seconds before giving a thumbs-up and a wide smirk. Your eyes rolled in your head, but you had to address the situation at hand.

You extended your arm across his shoulders and freed your other hand to rest it on his chin, grabbing it for him to fully face you. “It’s okay to have anxieties. We all do. Our third-years have given us a foundation to be proud of and soon enough we will have to do the same for the incoming first-years. Ushijima was an amazing spiker, recognized even as top 3 in the country. But that doesn’t change the fact that he still lost.”

He grimaced in response and you took his hand back in yours.

“What you can do, is learn all that you can from your senpai. Take his advice and prepare yourself for Interhigh since that’s when you’ll be taking charge. It will be there and only there that you can prove that you're the true ace, since you are.” His face was unreadable, but you could tell he was listening intently to each word. “And you, of all people, are not alone. You’re surrounded by friends and a team that loves you. If you’re ever feeling this way, don’t be afraid to open up to me. You’re my friend, Goshiki… And I…”

His eyes widened at your words and you could sense the smile slowly creeping up on his visage. Goshiki squeezed your adjoined hands and leaned in closer. “And you…?” He asked.

You could not hold back your blush at the suddenly close proximity. “And… I want to see you happy.”

Goshiki leaned back at your words, smile now obvious as he stared across the gym at an indiscernible spot. “I never said I was unhappy.” He turned back to you, adorned with a matching blush, “How can I be unhappy with such an incredible friend like you, (F/N)-chan?” That was enough signal that he was feeling better. Not fully there, but it seemed your words were enough for him at the moment. Your sunshine had returned.

“Well you had me worried there, you ass.” You withdrew the arm that was across his shoulder and instead used it to lightly punch him.

“You wound me!” He laughed, but threw his own arm around your waist and held you in a close embrace. “Thank you for listening.” You were tucked beneath his chin, but you did not need to see his face to know he was just as embarrassed.

“No problem,” The words came out muffled against him. “You big idiot.”

He laughed lightly and replied, “Well you’re stuck with me, so deal with it.”

“I never said I was unhappy.” You threw his words back at him, “Did you have dinner yet?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?” His smile widened.

“I’m making sure your dumb ass is taken care of!”

“You care about my ass?”

Goshiki was teasing you! He was a ball of sunshine, no doubt, but his daily association with Tendou was enough for him to gain a lot of sass. Goshiki was the ultimate kouhai of his entire volleyball team and it was no surprise to see bits of each member in his personality every once in a while.

“You’re so cute, (F/N)-chan.” He ruffled your hair with his free hand, your hands still in their embrace and neither of you making the move to let go. “I haven’t yet.”

“Were you planning on practicing all-night and skipping more carbs? How are you supposed to grow without any protein?”

“I don’t think I have to worry about getting any bigger.” You blanched at his words, Damn Goshiki is wild now! Your thoughts must have been conveyed by the surprised expression on your face and he clarified yelling, “In height! I’m over 180 centimetres! What are you thinking, (F/N)-chan?! Are you secretly dirty?”

You ignored his accusation, rolling your eyes yet again. Regrettably, he let go of your hand to go back into the men’s locker room to grab his stuff.

When you met again outside, he took your hand back immediately. You blushed at the sudden skinship. Earlier you were doing it to comfort him and you could pin it to that reasoning. But if anyone saw you two now, it was undeniable that you two were simply hold hands with various obvious implications behind it. Your enthusiastic friend did not appear unaffected either. He was looking straight ahead towards the destination, grin wide with a very light rosy complexion.

A quick glance at your phone again and it was around ten at night. It was relatively early, but around this time the cafeterias were littered with mostly the older students as opposed to first-years.

You two swiped in and sat at a high table against the window, near the back and hoping not to attract any attention. But of course, on the other side of the cafeteria was a group comprised of other volleyball players, enjoying their dinners after practice and actually succeeding at being inconspicuous.

They watched the entire interaction in stunned silence. Tendou was previously trying to convince the group that you two were the new team OTP and would get together even before the end of the semester. His argument, however, required no more words since physical proof seemed to walk right through the door. Your very team captain was the leader against this idea, saying you two were friends and nothing more.

But when Goshiki only let go of your hand just to pull your seat out for you, your captain professed it was true love. Tendou scoffed in anger, of course it was! He saw it from the very start. Ushijima was not the type to engage in gossip, but he noted that you two paired each other very well. You two got along well, from the very start, despite Goshiki's personality that seemed to annoy his teammates. He did inwardly question it thought - you seemed much more reserved and your intelligence radiated outwardly. Ushijima, honestly, could see you coupled with Kenjirō too. Shaking his head, he did not really know you anyway so does it really matter? With that, he nodded along with the flow of conversation, suddenly uninterested. Reon and Eita were proud of their smol kouhai. If you liked him even with that coconut-haircut, they thought, then it must be love.

This all occurred unbeknownst to the two of you. So dinner proceeded as usual, very casual but with a warmer air surrounding you that you could not describe with words. Goshiki was already incredibly tall and when he leaned forward his knees would make contact with yours. It seemed that your blush was permanent and that only made his self-esteem soar.

“You’re so pretty, (F/N)-chan.” He commented, but once the words left his mouth he sweated with apparent embarrassment.

“You don’t have to butter me up.”

“But I mean it.” You shared more tender eye-contact and it was not the first time that this happened.

The third-years were eating up the scene, taking in every small detail of your “date.” Every lingering moment, touch under the table, even a smile, did not do unnoticed by the sudden shippers.

Whenever Goshiki smiled, you could not help but feel happy just looking at him. He literally emitted rays of happiness and it filled you heart with joy. He was, in all honesty, a very cute guy. He was an amazing catch for anyone, yourself included. Goshiki was accepted into a powerhouse private high-school and even became a regular during his first-year. And, he kept good grades despite his challenging advanced classes! You suffered through calculus together, but that boy seemed to always have his shit together.

Goshiki caught your staring and you looked down towards your food in apparent humiliation at getting caught in the act. “No, don’t be shy.” He reached over and lifted your chin to look at him, similar to how you did before.

“Okay.”

Eita gripped his heart at the cute exchange and Tendou, while he was the leader of your ship, could not help but feel a hint of jealousy at seeing the first-year already snatching up an adorable young girl. Yes, he was proud of his kouhai. But it was unfair! He was third-year and his love life was not as nearly sorted.

The two of you left, of course hand-in-hand, and walked unknowingly passed your volleyball captains. Reon pointed out that Goshiki really must be in love, since he ignored all of his senpai’s - including Ushijima-san! - to keep his attention fully on you.

The stroll back to the dorms was full of more teasing and chatter, something that the two of you were very comfortable with. He walked you all the way to your door, smiling the whole way. You two were undoubtedly friends with hints of something and you were unsure how to say goodbye. His slowly gaze traveled from your eyes and dropped down to your lips. You looked away, extremely unsure on how to proceed. While you were lost in thought, Goshiki took the initiative by lightly gripping your chin and placing a light kiss to your forehead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He muttered against your skin, before smiling and walking away.

You waved back and unlocked your door. Your roommate, another first-year on the volleyball team, was wide awake and standing a little beyond the opening. Sakura was incredibly nosy in your business, but you could not deny that you were just the same for her! It was rare for roommates to be best friends, but you two had clicked instantly. Her current expression was a mixture of surprised and joyful and there was no doubt that she was spying on you.

“What was that?!” She nearly screamed, “How many times have you said 'Goshiki is just my friend'? You know what you’re right. He is your friend. That is, your boyfriend!” She teased.

“Yeah, yeah.” You waved her off, moving to your side of the room and placing you duffel bag with your stuff. She plopped down onto your bed, sure on getting some answers.

“Come on seriously. Tell meeeeee.” Sakura begged.

You paused, shifting your gaze from her to your hands before you sat next to her. “I think I like Goshiki.”

“Well, yeah! Both coaches could have told you that!” She lightly smacked your arm, “The only person who didn’t know was probably you. Ugh, you’re lucky that boy is so in love with you.”

“Woah! It’s not that far yet. We’re not even dating.”

“Yet! You said yet!”

“Don’t you have a test in your early class tomorrow?” You pushed Sakura off your bed.

“Don’t remind me.” She stared hard at your before returning to her own desk, “Don’t think this is over! We’re talking about this more at lunch.”

You conceded, before prepping yourself to finally sleep! You were brushing your teeth in the bathroom when your phone, which was placed precariously on your bed, dinged from a text message. It was no ordinary tone, one that you specifically assigned to Tsutomu alone and one that your roommate immediately recognized.

You both dove for the phone, eager to read it. She grabbed it first since she was closer and held it up for both of you to read at the same time.

       From: (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ my coconut

       Goodnight, sweetheart! Get some sleep and don’t think about my ass too much ;)

“What?!” She was doubled-over in laughter, “Oh my god (F/N), you are wild.”

XXXX

The morning was not easier and you woke to your phone blasting with multiple notifications across various applications. You did not have class until later in the day and were able to sleep-in, but it seemed you missed out on a lot of drama! First things first, you loaded up your laptop since it seemed to take forever to load. Meanwhile, you unlocked your phone and decided on catching-up to this morning's drama.

Scrolling all the way down, the first message was around the wee hours of the morning from Tendou to the shared group chat for both the men’s and women’s volleyball team.

GC: Caw Caw SHIRATORIZAWA ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

7:23       From: The most tender Salami            We may have lost the finals, but Goshiki is a winner

Attached: Inthegym.jpg, dinnerdate.jpg

           From: Captain-senpai!            I was a disbeliever, but now I am all aboard S.S. Goshki x (L/N)

           From: Okaasan/Eita            Oh my god, Satori

           From: Kenjiro (`へ´*)            Tendou-san why

           From: Not-my-libero-Yamagata ( ´ ▽ ` )            Cute.

           From: The most tender Salami            I spy with my nosy eye, two volleyball dorks in love!          

           From: Sakura ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)            Excuse you, but I am the leader of this ship!

Attached: vballpractice.jpg

To your dismay, attached was a discreet and incredibly candid picture of the two of you in an intense high-five after scoring in practice. The two of you were often put on the same team against your senpai’s and simply getting a spike in was enough to have you ecstatic. But this did not go ignored by your best-friend.

           From: The most tender Salami            Oh yeah??? Well, how about this? (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

Attached: HECAUGHTTHEHANDS.jpg, getaroom.jpg

This continued between the two idiots for a while, with various pictures that you were completely unaware of being posted. Other members of each team interjected with positive comments and you knew your embarrassment was splayed across your face. You continued scrolling away, it seemed that you were one half of the main subject for the morning and no one attempted to change the subject. Ushijima-san interjected once to ask if anyone wanted extra practice, but then also added: I agree with the above comments.

This was so embarrassing! Have your news blasted across the platform was unbelievable and you wondered how in the hell did Tendou get so many pictures of the two of you together. Scrolling down closer to the present, even Goshiki replied to the groupchat.

10:43  From: (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ my coconut          Senpai’s please. I’m the captain now.

         From: (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ my coconut          Well at least for the ship. ( ◞･౪･)

You were sure that you would die any moment now, from either embarrassment or anger. Yes, it was heartwarming to see all these volleyball dorks approve of your crush. But oh my god, did they really have to discuss it while said crush could see it?! You scrolled down to the last message and realized that most of both teams had read the chat already. You were the last one to get the news! And it was about you!!

There was no way to get out of this situation and it would show that you read the chat already, so you had to reply:

11:57  From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words          welp. Gotta blast ∠( ᐛ 」∠)

There were responses immediately, but you did not dare open that groupchat until your mind was effectively mollified. There was too much going on and you just woke-up. You needed breakfast and coffee before dealing with the words of Tendou.

In your private chat with the other first-years of the women’s volleyball team, they were more apprehensive and sensitive to the situation. Of course, they had plenty of questions: since when did you guys hold hand?! Was probably the most popular thing asked. But of course, there was no point in beating around the bush.

To: We were born to make history! ♀ (ﾉ･д･)ﾉ

12:03  From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)          Come on, (F/N)-chan. Be real with us. Do you like him???

You let the message sit idly unanswered and it seemed they were waiting for your response. The group-chat was previously spammed with other various members chatting, but now it seemed that they were all eager to see what you were going to say. You liked Goshiki, there was no doubt. But confirming it out loud – or over text – was incredibly hard. It was not like you were not trying either. You attempted to type your feelings multiple times, but backspace'd your entire text every single time. There just too much to say and texting was not a good medium to get the point across. You were friends with Goshiki before anyone else and that was friendship that you did not want to lose.

The door to your dorm slammed open to reveal your roommate, now drained of energy after attending two classes. “I am done for the day, let’s go to lunch!” Sakura urged you to be presentable for the outdoors and you complied, incredibly hungry.

Sporting a simple sweatshirt and leggings, the two of you walked together and along the way passed several other students you could recognize. In the corner of your eye, you spotted the familiar jersey of the Shiratorizawa volleyball team and that only spurned you to walk faster to the cafeteria. After swiping-in and settling down, Sakura did not let the peaceful conversation last. Mid-bite, she seemed to finally settle on words in her head before setting the chicken back down on the plate. “So you never fully gave me details about what happened last night.”

You paused, picking up your green tea and lingering it at your lips, Here we go. “It’s probably not as bad as the rest of you are thinking.” She smiled, but urged you to continue, “He wasn’t feeling well so I comforted him. We had dinner together and then he walked me back to the dorm.”

“Ugh. I have to pry it out of you, don’t I?” Sakura looked to the side, undoubtedly thinking of more specific questions. “Why were you holding hands?”

“I was comforting him.”

“In the gym, right?”

“Yeah.”

“So why were you guys holding hands at dinner?” There was no escape! You thought. If you kept this up, you could keep the conversation going in circles for a few more minutes before she got fed up and literally/physically pried the answers she wanted from you. That was probably the most annoying option, so you settled on the most straight-forward answer.

“Because I like him.” You stated in the most serious tone.

Sakura’s reaction was instantaneous and the evidence of such was her spilled drink across the table. This gained the attention of those in the immediate proximity and you had to wave them off, reassuring the others that you two were okay.

“It took you forever to admit it last night and you won’t even respond to the other girls in the groupchat. But now you’re saying it so casually?” Sakura partly teased.

“I think it’s obvious enough.” You admitted.

“That you have a crush on ‘lil Tsutomu?” The familiar voice of the guess monster suddenly appeared in your private conversation.

Tendou was a huge instigator, but underneath all of that crap he cared deeply for his younger teammates. And the fact that his number one kouhai was the subject of the day, Tendou was undoubtedly surging with jokes for teasing. Most of the first-years accepted his rather strange personality, but that was because they did not really have to deal with it. You were personally on the receiving end more often than not and you wondered how different high-school might have been if you were in the same grade-level. But he was your senior and you had to respect him.

Sakura reeled in anger from the previous conversation in the morning, “This is an AB conversation. So C yourself out.” You scoffed at the joke while Tendou fully ignored it.

“You and Tsutomu-kun have calculus together after this, right?” Tendou asked, but you had a feeling he already knew the answer.

“Yeah. We sit together.”

His eyebrows nearly flew to his hairline and he, to Sakura’s dismay, dragged a chair from an empty table to sit next to you. He plopped his take-out bento on the table, filled with various foods as if he was on his way out. It seemed he spotted you two across the cafeteria – who wouldn't after the scene you two made earlier? – and made his way over.

This was probably information that he did not get to out of Goshiki. “Wow. Sat together just recently?”

“No, he was the first friend I made at orientation so when I saw him during class…”

Tendou’s eyes narrowed for a brief second and you felt like this was an interrogation, or at least something like it. You also had a small inkling that Tendou attempted the same questioning to Goshiki, but failed to receive any new information out of the wing-spiker

“Wow, love at first sight?” He teased.

“Stop.” You responded, with no malice behind your words. In front of you were your two biggest shippers and it was no doubt that Sakura, while temporarily angry at Salami, was also enjoying his questioning.

“Well. Good luck to you,” He ruffled your hair as he got up, grabbing his take-out box. “Not that you’ll need it. If anything, Tsutomu-kun is too infatuated with you he’ll agree to anything!”

“(F/N) could probably get Goshiki to give her his wallet, honestly.” Sakura joined in his teasing.

“Just don’t corrupt him too much! He’s the new ace so he’ll need to be able to run normally.” Tendou pushed the bounds of his taunting and even Sakura had to cover her blush. Laughing, the tall Salami finally made his exit, waving goodbye as he went.

“I mean you are pretty wild. We both know you like his ass. What other stuff are you—” Sakura went even further and you had to hold your hands up in defense. “Alright, I’ll stop… for now.”

The rest of lunch went by more peaceful and you had yet to respond to the first-year groupchat. Sakura departed early saying she had to catch-up with studying at the library so you went back to the dorm alone, left with only your thoughts.

Finally left to your own judgement, it was extremely obvious that you liked the poor coconut head. You only wondered how he was feeling right at the moment. Maybe he was just as nervous as you to go to calculus class? He seemed pretty confident the night before when he kissed your forehead, so maybe not. The question of if you liked Goshiki was an easy one. An answer that required no more than a second to think about before you had an answer. The only problem was, where do you go from here?

You decided to seek some help and spoke candidly in the first-year women's groupchat.

To: We were born to make history! ♀ (ﾉ･д･)ﾉ

13:25      From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words             I really like him.

           From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            Which is crazy bc I want to talk to him but im scared

           From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            And im going to have to see him in 34 mins 11 secs

           From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            Holy shit

           From: Sakura ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)              Hahahahaha            From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            im proud that you’re owning up to it            From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            BUT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU            From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            wat

           From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            You guys talk all the time, best friends before dating, he literally told the both volleyball teams he’s in love with you, and you’re afraid?????????????            From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            I know… he’s so sweet. That’s why I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to fuck up            From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            Ohhhhh            From: Sakura ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)            That’ll be hard especially for you            From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            LMAO            From: Sakura ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)            Kidding! But seriously, the only person who can determine that is you. You need to talk to him!!! Or else he’ll think he did something wrong.                        From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            I know, just ugh. My emotions                From: Sakura ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)            Me too! OTP is sailing!! How do you think I feel????            From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            Um            From: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there are no words            Didn’t you go to the library to study??            From: Future-Setterヽ(;^o^ヽ)            LOL! Have fun girlie!!! Don’t stare too much at him during class

There was about twenty minutes left until your ultimate demise – jesus, why are you like this?? – and you were mentally preparing yourself. Checking your homework one last time, it was fully done and ready to be handed in. (Homework that you worked on with the object of your desire!) There was no stalling and nothing that could possibly be done.

The analog clock seemed to get louder and louder and you were filled with more self-doubt than before. There was a pressure creeping up inside you. Not only were you trying to smooth out your relationship with Tsutomu, but it seemed that you had an audience. Both teams were made aware of the couple and certainly, they all had expectations.

What if you dated and it did not work out? It would ruin the blissful atmosphere shared between both teams! Joint practices would be tense and there would be obvious divisions between friends. And it would be all your fault! The worst-case scenario is that you did date and somewhere along the lines, you were the cause of the break-up. You would be a failure to those religiously shipping the two of you and it hurt your heart to see the future so tense.

With a firm determination, you set off to class with the simple idea of telling Tsutomu that you just wanted to be friends.

You were finally at the threshold, mentally preparing yourself for acting against your heart, when the door suddenly slid open to reveal a just-as-surprised Tsutomu.

He paused and then smiled.

His smile.

It always seemed to captivate you and you could not help, but smile back. Back at orientation, both volleyball teams were forced to mingle and get acquainted with one another and you were too damn shy to join the large social circles that were forming. But he saw you, standing off to the side looking incredibly shy. And he smiled.

“Hey.” He greeted, moving to the side to allow room for you to walk through into the classroom.

“How are you?” You asked, walking to your desk and placing down your books. You both stood next to each other, smiling away as if something was on both your minds.

“Fine. Get a good sleep?”

“Yeah, I slept-in.” You looked away sheepishly. The boy was known for his rigorous training and you had no doubt that he woke-up early to practice.

“Me too.”

“Waking up before nine in the morning does not count as sleeping in.”

“You got me then. So you saw the groupchat?” You were about to answer, but he cut himself off. “That was a dumb question. Of course you did, you responded. I mean, after that you didn’t respond and I checked it a few times and it said you hadn’t seen it yet so. Oh my god. Not that I’m stalking you or anything, I just wanted—”

“No. It’s alright.” You laughed lightly into your hand and grabbed his hand with your free one. “What’s really on your mind?”

He paused, taking in your face and literally glowing at your now conjoined hands. Tsutomu squeezed back lightly and responded, “A lot of things. Some of them are crazy ideas.”

“Like what?”

“Like if you would be my girlfriend?”

He’s so fucking smooth! You screamed internally, but attempted to remain composed on the outside. Your outward visage did break and your yelp of surprise was coupled with shook eyes. Your expression must have scared him and he put more pressure on your hands.

“I mean, it’s only a thought!”

“No. You can’t take it back!” You decided on taking the initiative. “I would love to be your girlfriend!”

His smile seemed to only radiate more and you could almost feel the happiness emanating off of him. You were in the classroom, with less than five minutes to starting, so this was probably the least romantic atmosphere that you two could have chosen. But that did not matter to either of you – well maybe Goshiki, because he really wanted to kiss you, but they were in public /ugghh! He settled on taking your hand, the one encased in his, and placing a light kiss on it before returning to his seat.

You were a blushing mess throughout class, answering every question that the teacher had asked wrong.

[lemonietrinket]

Love ||| Wayv x Reader

Summary: Everyone needs to be taken care of sometimes, no matter how strong they are. And so when you come home from an awful day in the outside world, you are blessed to have several people come and pick you up again, setting you back on your feet. Though, not everything is as a clear cut as you perhaps once thought.

Genre: Angst, but then lots of Fluff to make up for it!! and Humour too bc i think im funny

Warning(s): Detailed description of big crying, no mention of reasons why, just left as a very bad day; single sentence description of a mild bruise; a bit of arguing but it’s mild and there as so to highlight something

Word Count: 20,314 jesus christ

Theme Song: The Flower (feat. Maximilian Hecker) - Leo; Heart Flutter - W24; Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith 

AN: original was a request from @idont-knowapil. I hope yall enjoy the rewrite. It’s pretty different in some places, but now there’s actually a lot of foundations for what is to come. Fem!Reader 

 ~~~

It had taken all of your strength to not cry on the way home on the bus. There were too many people around for you to let the tears fall, but you’d bitten your lip so hard it bled and had held your breath until you were heaving, for it to all prove to be little use.

You tried your best, turning your head into the glass and staring into the darkness outside, praying that no one turned to look back at you or your reflection.

As soon as you got off at your stop, unable to utter a ‘thank you’ to the driver which made you feel even worse (if that were even possible) your defences began to break down. 

Tears streamed down your face in the frozen evening air, merging with the rain and slipping between your trembling lips, the salt tingling on the tip of your tongue. Your nose ran viciously because of the wind, which also mussed up your hair causing you even more frustration as you tried to hold it out of your face, only for it to cover eyes uncomfortably again.

Your voice seeped into your breath as you tried to remain silent, strained whines at the effort it took to not openly weep as you needed to, whilst you prayed endlessly that no one would pass you by on the street and see the mess you were in.

Fumbling with your keys, just inches from being inside and away from the world, almost sent you over the edge. The key had got caught in one of the keyrings and with your shivering fingers and blurry vision, it seemed the world was kicking you while you were down. 

A cry rose in your throat, and you forced it down as best you could, until finally you crashed into the house, bags toppled by the oven across the room. You were home at last. Slamming the backdoor behind you with a strength you didn’t realise you had left, you took merely a single step inside before you tripped over an abandoned pair of shoes and fell to the floor with a thud and a sob so hard no noise came from your body. 

Today was not your day.

Your chest constricted upon itself, ribs very nearly bruising your lungs and heart, until you finally caught some air and howled.

You were ashamed of how you must have looked, sprawled on the kitchen floor, weeping hysterically, no doubt with a muddied coat and a bruised knee and hands pressed into wet footprints upon the linoleum floor. 

If you’d been told to write the worst day you could have, today took that itinerary and then dragged it through hell. 

You didn’t have the energy to stand, even if the puddles from outside that your shoes had dragged inside were being soaked up by your socks, unrolled at your heels and stained from their pristine white. Lethargically, you began to lift yourself out of the doorway as best you could, and to your feet. Your success was tainted however as you accidentally knocked your elbow against the counter ledge, and fresh tears immediately sprung to your eyes. It was the final straw for you, as you leant over the countertop and wept. Your fingers gripped the wood roughly, your forehead coming to rest against the cupboard as ‘what if’s swirled around your head. What if you’d been more polite to her. What if you’d done your printing the day before. What if you’d taken your lunch break elsewhere.

You knew rationally that nothing was your fault, but the rational part of your brain was far surpassed by raw emotion of emptiness that the uncaring world had showed you that day. 

Your ears just about caught the footsteps outside before the door opened. When it did, you flicked your head towards the man out of reflex, your muscles tensed and breath shallowed.

“Y/N?”

The door closed, and the man came to a stop a few feet from you. The light flickered on suddenly—you hadn’t noticed his hand reach to the corner and turn on the switch—and the two of you suddenly reached a realisation as quickly as you were bathed in light.

It was Kun, a sight that you unfortunately greeted with creased features and tear-stricken face.

He responded to yours with a sharp inhale. His voice was hushed and filled with concern however, as he shrugged off his bag and immediately made the rest of the way to you, “Y/N…”

The man’s palms hovered beside you, unsure of what the situation was and what to do about it.

You opened your mouth to speak, but a broken cry was the only sound you could make.

“Y/N, are you ok?” he exclaimed, lightly brushing the hair from your face to try and understand what was wrong. “What’s wrong love? P-please, I don’t…” 

At the first touch of his fingertips against your damp cheeks, you shook your head, instead slumping into his chest. You clung to him, fear gone as you cried openly into his jumper, speckled with rain. Kun was very nearly speechless, his hands eventually settling upon your back. Though of course you were still in your coat and the weather had left it sodden.

“Oh, love, oh…” he trailed off, unable to find the words. Seeing you like this hurt him beyond explanation, and he had no idea how he could even convey what he needed to do. Slipping off his shoes as quickly as he could and discarding them by the door, he reached his arms between you. “Come on, love, let’s get you out of this coat. You’ll catch a cold.”

A pang of hurt struck your heart briefly as he somewhat unceremoniously pushed you off him, but before you could begin to wallow again he’d slipped the coat off your shoulders and hooked it by the door, speaking once again, “You can get your shoes, right?”

You nodded sullenly, reaching down to undo your laces, meanwhile Kun rested his hand upon your back to hold you steady. His touch was surprisingly warm for someone who had only just come inside from the cold, however the chill of the room was creeping into your bones as your shirt provided you little warmth in the barely-heated house.

One shoe was off without a problem, however as you lifted your leg to take off the other, a twinge of pain ricocheted through your knee. You had clearly fallen harder than you had first imagined.

“Love? Did you hurt yourself?” he enquired, as his mind finally connected the dots as to what had happened, roughly. 

“I…” you began, swallowing thickly, before you realised you didn’t exactly have enough energy to finish what you had started. 

“It’s alright, I’ve got it.” And without hesitation, Kun crouched down to remove the shoe for you. 

You felt pathetic to say the least. Like a child who had thrown a tantrum but had a parent who spoiled her nonetheless. You’d only hurt your knee, too. How could you possibly need someone else to remove your own shoe?

Truth be told, Kun felt like he wasn’t doing anywhere near enough, and had leapt at the chance to help you in absolutely any way possible. 

Besides, before you could really do anything about it he’d placed your shoes neatly on the rack and returned to your side. “Alright, you’re good to walk?”

You nodded after a moment of hesitation, making his concern worsen. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Your voice was shaky, but possessed enough certainty to convince him at least.

“Ok, that’s good. Where does it hurt?” 

“Just… my knee…”

“Cut? Bruise?” His eyes dropped down instinctively to check, to only find a few muddy splotches upon your trousers.

You sighed, trying to work up the effort to explain. “I o-only tripped… hit it on the… the floor—stupid shoes.”

He was mildly startled by the sudden venom in your voice, glancing back to try and see whose shoes it had been. A wave of panic rushed to his chest as he spotted his overturned shoes in the middle of the doorway.

“Love… I’m so sorry, they’re mine. They must have fallen, I’m sorry—” 

Your heart crashed to the pit of your stomach as you heard his words, and suddenly you felt terrible for even speaking. 

“I-I’m sorry, I’m ok, it’s ok, I’m not mad, it—it…” Your teeth sank into your lip as you desperately tried to quell the overwhelming urge to cry again.

“Hey, it’s alright! I…” Kun’s eyes flew wide open as he attempted to ease the situation. He quickly changed tact. “Love, why don’t you go get changed? You’ll get cold otherwise. I’ll get an ice pack for your knee, and everything will be alright… yeah?”

You swallowed, mouthing a ‘thank you’ that you had intended to give a voice to, but it did not come. Deciding he had the right idea as you shivered, you edged your way out of the kitchen and up the stairs to your room, clutching to the banister as you went. 

.

.

.

Stumbling into your bedroom, you set yourself down on your bed with a sigh, disgruntledly throwing some the clothes you’d discarded on the covers that morning out of the way onto the floor beside the end of your bed. 

You haphazardly removed your clothes, your elbow crying out in pain now too as you stretched a bit too far, leading you to whimper. Even after changing into a warmer set of pyjamas, you remained cold.

As you began to shift your legs to attempt to remove your dirty socks, Kun knocked on the door.

You really wanted to reply with a ‘come in’, but all that really came out was an awkward hum.

He got the message however, slipping his body through a tiny crack in the door as if he didn’t want to disturb the room. He’d put himself into a more comfortable hoodie to keep himself warm before he’d come to you, a pack of cold peas in his hand.

“Honestly, you’d think we’d have specific ice packs in this household but, no,” he chuckled sheepishly, “all we have is cold peas. For some reason. Who here even likes peas?”

Had you been bright as you normally were you would have pressed the charge, accusing him of being the pea lover, since he was the dad of the house, obviously. You lamented the fact that you weren’t able to really muster even the melancholic humour it at the very least required.

In the period of time you’d been zoned out, the man was by your side, eyes searching your face. “Are you sure you’re doing fine?” He handed you the peas as you nodded slowly, accepting them with an empty face.

While you grimaced, feeling the ice cut deep into your bones, Kun found himself unable to watch, turning his attention elsewhere. He couldn’t help but note that whenever the slightest bit of pain touched you, whether it was physical or emotional, he couldn’t stand it. It was as if his entire chest contorted into a cage, the bones of his ribs becoming iron bars and just… crushing.

He found himself scooping up your dishevelled clothes from the floor and folding them neatly, before stacking them on your desk chair. Except the dirty ones, he’d looped those over his arm. 

“Hey, I’ll just go put these in the wash real quick, ok?” His eyes carefully moved to look over to you again. He found your own gazing at the trousers upon his arm, glistening.

Before he could mention any comfort, they’d slipped to the pitiful state of your socks, as you choked an apology. It seemed so irrational to you to get so upset about socks, but they had been so clean and you’d just messed them up and you couldn’t help but blame yourself. 

Kun however wasn’t letting you descend again.

He came to your side, shushing you gently. His fingers reached your head, stroking your hair with a gentle care you’d never felt from him before. “Love, sweetheart, it’s ok! It’s ok, it’s not your fault.”

He cursed himself in his head. If it was anyone’s fault in this scenario, it was his. He didn’t want to upset you further by mentioning that though, and so managed to keep it to himself. 

“Let's just get you out of these, so they can be washed and all clean again, yeah?” He gave you a reassuring squeeze on your shoulder. “Do you need any help?”

You really didn’t want to accept that you did. To try and prove that, you slipped your left sock off with an issue, to which Kun took off your hands swiftly and added to his looped pile. However, even with the added angles from your bed, the makeshift ice pack prevented you from really removing the second one without pain.

Kun wordlessly took to his knees so he could help. 

His kindness was tugging at your heart, smashing it to pieces in your vulnerable state, only to pull it all back together again. You didn’t feel worthy of his care, but on the other hand all you wanted was him to stay and never leave you.

In seconds the sock was gone and your foot cool. You expected him to stand again, but he remained on the carpet.

You peered down at him. “K-Kun?”

He was looking at the peas. “Love, can I see your knee?” He glanced upwards, soft eyes meeting your own for a brief moment before slipping away. “I just want to make sure it’s not too bad.”

Lifting the ice pack away from your knee cautiously, you helped him ease the cloth of your pyjamas up over your knee. 

He hissed at the sight of the bruise you found there, as if the pain were his own. “Oh, love that looks painful.”

“D-does it?” The sight of the pinkish circle only startled you in the sense that it didn’t look that bad. 

“It must hurt a lot,” he reiterated, “be careful around it. Don’t want you getting hurt more.”

“Oh… ok…” 

The rough pads of his fingers left your skin, as you shifted the cloth back over your leg, all while goosebumps began to speckle across your arms.

Kun noticed immediately, eyes darting around the room as he got to his feet. Eventually he settled on the blanket balled up somewhat at the foot of your bed. Unravelling it, he brandished it around you like a cape, before wrapping you up in it.

“There.” He seemed pretty proud of his work, a smile finally adorning his handsome features. “Feel a little more comfortable?” 

You pulled your eyes up to meet his gaze, and attempted to give a smile. It didn’t work. You settled on another nod.

“Well, that’s a success.” He laughed softly. You always liked the sound of his happiness, he always sounded so warm. “I’m going to head back downstairs, you want to come or stay up here?”

“I’ll…” you took a deep breath, “I’ll come.”

“Yeah? Great!” Your answer made his face light up even further, eyes actually turning into beautiful crescents. His sudden excitement reflected in his actions too, as he outstretched his hand to you, to help you up.

You took it as quickly as you could manage for how tired you still were, and the thought of how nice it felt to be holding his hand crossed your mind without a single hindrance. In fact it worried you, for reasons you were too exhausted to try and determine. And so you decided to drop it, fast. 

It was surely nothing after all. 

.

.

.

After leading you downstairs in a comfortable silence, you were eventually on the centre of the sofa, all the remotes beside you, with Kun by the entrance to the kitchen.

 “I’ll make you some food? Ramyun will be good right?” he hesitated, feeling the corners of his lips twitch at the sight of you, encompassed by the blanket like a burrito. It wasn’t fair how adorable you were.  “Or grab you some more blankets, anything you need.”

You hummed sadly, trying to draw your lips together to speak.

“Yes, love?”

He was so patient.

“I…” you swallowed, hands tiredly lifting away from your body and towards him, as outstretched as you could manage, “can I have… have a… hug? Please…?”

His features softened even further, if that were even possible, his eyes regarding you carefully as his lips curled into a smile.

Before he could answer—and make no joke, his answer would have been to take a seat beside you and instantly take you into his arms—there was a clatter, as the back door opened. Several voices swarmed over one another, littered with giggles and whoops as they bickered in the falling darkness.

Kun’s head turned to the kitchen, and he nodded as he saw what you presumed was the face of one of the members through the doorway. “I think you can get a really big one, now,” he remarked, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

Not quite understanding the situation, you merely pouted, feeling the burn in your heart. 

Kun was extremely aware of how your face fell so drastically “I can’t leave them in charge of cooking can I?” Kun explained with a chuckle, worry tinging his voice. “Please don’t be sad, love. I-I’ll hug you later I promise.”

“Promise?” you asserted.

“With my whole heart.”

His words threw your own through a loop. 

Kun meanwhile called out to the others, “Welcome home! You’re late, but I’ll let it slide if you come here and help me.”

There were a couple of confused ‘eh’s until a few familiar faces came into the room, shrugging off their coats. 

You almost broke into fresh tears as you saw Xuxi’s bright, sunny smile drop from his face when he laid eyes on you.

“Y/N?!” he exclaimed, glancing at Kun for an explanation.

At the sound of his deep-set shout, Sicheng leant out from behind the giant puppy’s shoulders to see what Xuxi was so upset about.

He too went from quietly happy to extremely concerned at the sight of your reddened cheeks.

You quickly became very embarrassed. You hadn’t been cute crying, exactly, and you figured you still looked like a dazed, tear-stained mess. 

That was when Ten slipped past the two of them abruptly, running over to you before you could even cry in surprise. 

“No no, no…!” he cooed, perching very carefully on the edge of the sofa, his body turned completely towards you as he extended his hands to your face. He dabbed at your mottled cheeks rather frantically, the coolness of his fingers making you shiver, as they were chilled the winter, whilst your skin had been made hot by tension and stress.

“No, baby, are you ok? What’s wrong? What happened?” He glanced back at Kun who was heading through into the kitchen. “Kun, is it just my hands or is she running a fever?” Before you could answer he continued, eyes shining, “Are you hurt? Sick? Did someone hurt you?”

“They better not have hurt you!” Xuxi interjected, leaning over the back of the sofa. “If they did then you tell me their names, Y/N,” he said diligently, “I’ll make sure they never even look at you again I swear—!”

Sicheng rolled his eyes, a light scoff drifting from his lips as he patted Xuxi's shoulder, before heading round to the chair opposite you. “It’s ok guys, she’s not dying.”

He’d said it with a joking lilt and a gentle tone, but Ten’s mouth hung open as he shot him a look. “I know she’s not, but she’s upset and I’m not having that!”

“Neither will I!” 

“Xuxi, you couldn’t hurt anyone even if you tried,” Ten returned, turning his full attention back to you. “Now, if my girl is not sick, and not physically hurt, then I know exactly what she needs, don’t I?”

As soon as he grinned at you, you couldn’t help but let the corners of your own lips lift. And, much like a chain reaction, as soon as he saw you brighten, even if only slightly, his smile grew into a beam.

“My girl wants hugs, doesn’t she?” he murmured, giddily tapping his finger against the tip of your nose.

You couldn’t avoid emitting a squeak at the contact—his fingers were too cold—but rationale had also left you in some parts, perhaps, as you nodded eagerly, dragging your arms up and throwing them out to welcome him in.

Ten slipped back on the sofa, pulling you into his chest protectively. He was careful to place his hands where they wouldn’t touch your skin, but also where you would know he was there, and so he nestled one into your waist and the other upon the back of your head. 

Adjusting your position only slightly to lessen the pressure off the bridge of your nose, you settled your face in the nook of his neck, fingers laced in his shirt, as you took in the scent of his cologne. He must have several varieties but this one was easily your favourite—whatever it was. It was light, but deep and welcoming, with the openness of a spring day but the independence of a lucid dream, which was kind of how you felt held so close to his heart. You could feel it beating against your arm, seeping through your sleeves and sinking into your skin, through to your own heart, which skipped as soon as the thought of it all struck your conscious mind. You very nearly forgot about the others around you, though as soon as you’d been dipped into the waters of serenity, you’d been pulled out by your own awareness.

Ten was stroking your hair gently, though his touch was shallow to avoid both knots and making you shiver.

Kun was instructing someone about something, words just out of reach for you to piece together, but no sooner than he’d finished, a loud voice that could only be recognised as Xuxi’s, yelled, “group hug!” and a figure then bounded around the sofa.

You couldn’t see Sicheng, so had no idea what he was doing, but you heard a chuckle that sounded like his. 

And a second after you’d questioned the reasoning behind his amusement, you felt a weight crash behind you on the couch.

Ten snapped up out of surprise, indicating he perhaps hadn’t seen in coming either, and with his hand leaving your head, you pressed yourself up slightly to try and get a better look at what happened.

“Hm—?”

It was no use however, because you were knocked back against Ten with a yelp from both of you, as the newcomer practically slammed his weight against your back.

Ten hauled you up as best he could so you weren’t stuck in a folded position but what you had ended up in nonetheless was still not overly comfortable. As you glanced at him you could see his lips wavering, formulating a sentence to most likely scold whoever had pushed the sudden attack with.

But there was no need, as you felt a pair of much longer arms encircle you and pull you more upright, a chin coming to rest surprisingly neatly on your shoulder.

“Hi, Y/N!” Xuxi sang, tapering off into a giggle as he gave you a tiny squeeze.

You laughed bemusedly, relieved to be alive, but also welcoming the warmth from the other side. Xuxi was in fact much warmer, to the point he could be described as an actual radiator, and with him smushed against your back you felt as if you were truly at home.

After a few seconds of his eyes evaluating the sight that he could see and you could not, it seemed that Ten appeared to accept it eventually too. Even with you practically stolen from his arms, he laughed it off, identifying that he could be perfectly comfortable laying into you rather the other way round.

With roles reversed, he slipped a hand up to your collarbone, resting his head just above the other, and seeking the opportunity to wrap one of his legs over yours, which was jutting out over the side of the sofa. Now you could see the room more clearly, and, with a tired laugh, you waved at Sicheng who was watching the borderline catastrophe with a confused but delighted grin on his features. There was a shade to his eyes though, something that you couldn’t quite place. 

Peering over Ten’s head, you could see Kun leaning against the doorway, smiling proudly, as if the whole thing had been his doing.

Though thinking back to Xuxi’s sudden, but most likely inevitable, surprise attack, it maybe had been.

“Hi…!” You waved at him too, leading him to chuckle.

“Hello,” he replied, “you look better already.”

And with a brief scrunch of his nose, he was pushing himself off the wall’s edge and heading into the kitchen. 

You pressed your chin into the crown of Ten’s hair, smiling tightly as quiet settled over the room.

You loved all of them, you honestly did, and you would never do without their bickering and yelling and screeching laughter. But it was relieving to hear peace every once in a while, with the only sound being the sound of steadied breaths—two pairs of which had become more-or-less synonymous with your own. 

“You sure you don’t want to join us, Chengie?”

It was Xuxi that spoke.

You could have bet a million with certainty that it would be him that broke the silence. Man could never stay quiet for long, which was often one of the most endearing parts about him, as it often led him to some extraordinary lengths to find something, anything to say, crafting absolutely wonderful results. A lot of what Xuxi had to say ended up being enshrined as legendary tales that got passed down the long line of units until everyone had heard some form of what he’d said, and if not, they were plastered all over social media at the very least. At least half of them were your doing as well, in the sense that you were the prime messenger, relaying it to Johnny when you next video called him just to hear him one-up your story with one that originated from Mark, or Jungwoo whenever he visited.

The thought of how long he’d been missing for washed over you like sinking into a silent lake. He was back now, and you had been elated when you’d heard the news, waking up to a call from a no doubt bleary-eyed Jungwoo. But the pain of the near radio-silence at some points or his hiatus had been particularly tough to bear. And you hadn’t been the only one suffering.

You glanced back as best you could to the man who had spoken, his words on this occasion unfortunately not sparking much interest, as you waited for a response.

“No.” Sicheng shook his head once, voice neither amused nor melancholic, continuing, “But thank you.”

“Oh, ok! More space for us!” Xuxi’s responses were always bright and cheerful. You felt your heart lurch at the memory of the few times when they hadn’t been.  

Meanwhile the man in question punctuated his words with another, tighter squeeze, which made you cry out in mildly strained laughter as you were brought back to the real world.

“Hey!”

“Dear lord…” Ten sighed, rolling his body-weight to allow his voice to carry into the kitchen. “Kun?!”

There were a few moments of silence, besides the sound of a knife meeting a chopping board from the kitchen. As you knocked your head back, Xuxi fingers digging into your sides, Ten proceeded, desperately trying to avoid your jolting legs, “When are the kids—ow!—when are the kids getting back?! Xu—xi!—is getting boisterous again!”

You freed one of your arms to poke your assailant’s side, making him jump and momentarily loosen his grip with a yelp—an opportunity you took without halt, shifting yourself out of his arms so you could tackle him head on. 

“Ten, play nice!” you asserted gently, catching Xuxi’s hands and pushing against them as hard as you could with a laugh. You knew that if he was genuinely trying he would own you in an instant but you appreciated his instincts telling him to go easy on you. At least for now.

“I could say the same about you, actually!” Ten huffed, curled up on the furthest corner of the sofa and feeling rather discarded. 

He watched the two of you wrestle, giggling through puffs of worn-out breaths, and couldn’t quite stop the corners of his lips twitching into a smile. He did find it endearing how you cared for the others, and how bouncy you could really get. 

Though it was clear to say you were quickly tiring, and couldn’t keep up the chase as much as was perhaps needed. And so, he came to the rescue.

“Y/N! I’m cooooold…!” Ten whined.

Just because he was second oldest didn’t mean he was above whinging to get what he wanted.

Regretting how you’d unceremoniously shoved Ten off you, and accidentally somewhat kicked him, and then forgotten about the poor guy, you just about managed to slink your hands out of Xuxi’s with a quick exhale, swiftly backing off and sweeping your hands out of his reach as he tried to catch them again.

“Xuxi, no,” you murmured very softly, as if you were talking to a puppy, which  to be honest it could be argued that you were, “Ten’s sad I gotta go.”

“Awh…”

“I’m also tired…”

“But what if I’m sad?”

Behold. There it was. The legendary Xuxi pout. Irresistible to those without prior training.

You shook your head, laying back to recline in Ten’s open arms. He immediately curled into you, cheek nuzzling your hair as he smiled victoriously.

Meanwhile Xuxi’s eyes widened further, glistening like clear gemstones in the evening light. 

You held out your own hands, inviting him to come to you, however. “You can come and cuddle again though.”

He accepted that point, albeit a little sulkily, as he leant down, placing his head in your lap and a hand in yours as he arranged his unimaginably large frame into a ball to fit on the sofa, with room to spare.

It always confused you how someone so big could be so small.

Both their grips were a little firmer once they’d reestablished them; Ten’s now warmer hand had found its place upon the bare skin below the hem of your shirt, shielding it from the chill of the room while simultaneously making your heart beat just that little bit quicker, and Xuxi’s rested neatly around your thigh.

You were comfortable though, at last.

.

.

.

The kids, as they had been dubbed, arrived not long after, just as the delicious scent of Kun’s famous cooking began to fill the whole room to the brim. They stepped into a delightfully warm house, the tips of their noses and clouds of their cheeks blushed pink from the cold outside, and immediately they were stripping themselves free of their coats, as the temperature difference made them feel too hot to cope.

You’d rested in peace upon the sofa, kept warm but not too much so between the combined body heat of Ten and Xuxi. Sicheng meanwhile had taken out his phone a while ago, occasionally showing you funny memes and pictures he found. You didn’t really understand some of them, and he had to explain them, but you enjoyed it nonetheless, even if that same shadow tinted his eyes again as he did it. 

As he entered the living room, Xiaojun regarded the sight of the three of you piled on the couch with curiosity to say the least, brows furrowing as he let the two behind him pass.

Yangyang barely scraped a glance at you, until he came back and saw it properly, smirking. “What is this?” 

“Y/N was feeling sad, so we had to come and cheer her up!” Xuxi jumped in, shifting his weight upwards so his head was resting upon your stomach and where he could just about see the new arrivals.

“By… piling on the sofa?” 

“What’s wrong Yangyang?” Ten snickered, before cooing, “Do you feel left out that I’m not babying you too?”

The youngest narrowed his eyes defiantly at the elder, who merely stuck his tongue out.

“Hey, you can join us if you want,” you interrupted cleanly, the wobble in your voice long gone. 

“Can I?!” Hendery called from behind the two stood in the walkway, slipping through to poke his head around Xiaojun where you could see him. His lips were curved into a tiny little smile, eyes wide and clear and glimmering in hope for a ‘yes’.

“Of course!” you replied, hand leaving Ten’s arm and beckoning both of them over. 

“I don’t think there’s any room,” Xiaojun remarked, exhaling amusedly as he hung up his bag round the banister, “you might have to take it in turns.”

At this, you felt both pairs of hands’ grips tighten, as if in reflex. 

“But...!” Xuxi stuttered in his defence. “But I’m—!”

Ten meanwhile snorted in disapproval. “No, I’m comfy. You’ll have to drag me off yourself.”

“Not sure that’s a wise idea,” Sicheng said, barely looking up from his phone, “you’re the lightest one here, you know.”

As the two chaotic forces glanced at one another, grins affirming their idea before snapping back to begin stepping over to the smallest link in the chain, Kun’s voice rose above them all. 

“Dinner’s ready! Come get it! The later you are, the less dumplings you get!” 

It was as if it was a survival zone, as everyone barrelled to the kitchen. 

Xuxi, no matter how loyal he could be, was always swayed by food, and so you had anticipated his sudden departure. However you could never have claimed to have expected the brief placement of his lips to the skin of your temple.

It was so quick and sudden and barely there that you couldn’t even begin to rationalise it. In fact, you only ended up conceiving that it hadn’t been a kiss at all. Perhaps it had never even been. You could have so easily imagined it, his lips grazing the air that surrounded you, muttering something instead. He could have so easily done, as you hadn’t really been listening. 

Either way he slipped out of your hands, leaving you wrapped in Ten’s arms.

He—not that you could see due to the angle you were resting at—sent a glare to the retreating man as he made his way to the kitchen. He couldn’t help but do it, and he stopped as soon as he realised his features had become twisted in such a way. 

He remained pressed against your back, unwilling to leave as he was not affected as severely by the thought of dinner, his hands remaining in their places in proof. 

“Can’t we stay here and eat dinner?” he mumbled against your ear.

“I don’t think Kun would ever allow that.” You giggled. “Not after last time.”

“You never know until you try…” Without much warning, Ten tilted his head towards where Hendery had just exited from and shouted, “Kun?! Can Y/N eat her food on the sofa?!”

The man’s response was immediate. “No! Definitely not—! Not after last time!”

“See,” you snorted, patting his knee in consolation, “told you.”

The man rolled his eyes, sitting up reluctantly with you following suit, as he stretched his arms and back. “Fine. Come on, let’s eat.”

.

.

Dinner was a ruckus, as usual.

You cram eight people around a table and it will always be noisy, but if you then make half of those people crackheads and the other half happy to allow them to be crackheads, then you’ve got yourself a table of absolute chaos.

With the conversation flitting every few seconds, words bouncing from one side of the room to the other to a rhythm of laughter, many would probably have arranged to sit in their rooms to eat but you would never dream of doing such a thing. 

Hearing the banter, weekly in-jokes and teasing was necessary, as it always lifted your spirits—as long as you weren’t upset at the time they picked on you. Luckily the previous cuddling had worked, and you were back to feeling ok, your problems not seeming so impossible anymore. 

However, ‘ok’ was not good enough for these guys, and you knew they wouldn’t leave you at just that. They’d already given you some of their own dumplings (except Xuxi who had kept his to himself with a muffled apology) to you. And besides, you had a promise to keep to the two youngest.

As soon as you spotted the natural lull in conversation, you piped up, “Hey, do you guys want to watch a film tonight?”

Your suggestion was met with a flourish of agreement, only that two faces also fell.

One tried to hide it somewhat valiantly, no doubt to protect you from feeling bad. The other didn’t possess the finesse for this as such, and more-or-less openly sulked at the dining table.

You looked at the two of them. “Ten? Xuxi?”

“SuperM,” Ten remarked, voice monotonous, “meeting on tour dates.”

You let out a small ‘ah’ in understanding. You attempted to look on the brighter side. “There’s always next week…!”

Xuxi nodded sadly, while Ten huffed, earning him a side-eye from Kun. 

“In my defence,” he began, holding up a finger to the eldest in a request for him to wait,  “they’ve worked out all the dates that don’t clash for us. It’s 127 they’re having trouble with, and the managers there can’t seem to do basic maths, because they’ve confirmed two lots of dates that don’t actually work. It must be driving Taeyong mad over in Korea.”

“Why do you need to be there, then?” Yangyang asked.

“We don’t,” Xuxi emphasised.

Ten sighed. “No, I think we do. Even if we’ve outlined our schedules a hundred times, we still need to be in the room while they set the dates, for legal reasons. It’s just irritating that we have to sit there for hours on end, barely able to do anything to help, and if we do have any suggestions, that a—jerk of a—what is he? A producer? Executive? I don’t even know—he won’t let us speak half the time, because of his strange superiority complex that basically means he won’t allow us to ever speak, the absolute f—”

“Ten.” Kun’s voice was hard as stone, his eyes carved into a warning stare. 

He sighed, standing and offering to take the others’ empty bowls and plates. “The point is, this shouldn’t be going on for any longer than it already has, and so tonight won’t be very peaceful, but it’ll be worse if we don’t leave soon.” As he leant over the table to collect your bowl, he whispered, “I’ll be here pretty much all tomorrow though. You?”

You nodded, eyes fallen at the sound of the mess he’d been drawn into. Everyone was so tired, him and Xuxi especially with their extra schedules, and so being dragged through that was only going to stress them out even more. They needed the movie night more than perhaps the others did. 

Noticing the downturn in the energy of the room, as well as how crestfallen you appeared to be at his plight, Ten offered you a wink in response. It took a lot of energy to try to slow the tempo of your heart after that.

Xuxi collected the remaining utensils in one hand, giving everyone a big wave with the other. “We will return!” he announced.

“What are you going to do?” Xiaojun enquired. “About the ‘guy’, I mean?”

Ten shrugged, tilting his head to the side melodramatically. “Guess if he tries anything this time, he’ll face the pure wrath of this bad bitch.”

“Ten!” you cried in faux shock, a gasp quilting the air. “What have we said about swearing in front of the child!”

Laughter erupted as everyone synchronously looked at Yangyang, who was sending you an exaggerated scowling pout. “Not cool Y/N! I’m not a child!”

“Oh yes that’s right, you’re not a child, Yangyang,” Kun interjected plainly, leading the table to hush as each person accepted his words as an instruction to quieten.

Except everyone was wrong. 

Kun glanced at you with a surprisingly sly smile, and then at Ten, then round the entire table, before looking Yangyang dead in the eye, and uttering the words, “You’re baby.”

A plume of cheers erupted round the room as Hendery shrieked with laughter, Xuxi dropping a spoon out of pure joy, leaving Yangyang to merely accept his fate as burned.

.

.

.

You bid both Ten and Xuxi farewell from your place in the armchair closest to the kitchen, soon enough hearing them slip out of the backdoor and into the night. But you barely caught Kun as he seemed to follow them.

After performing a near-comical double-take, mind ticking and realising that the person who had silently swept through in their wake was Kun, you very nearly leapt into the kitchen, the clunk of a car door slam piercing the darkness as your eyes searched for the leader. 

“Kun?”

The man jumped nearly out of his skin, just outside in the cold, halting his motion to shut the door as you poked your head into sight. “Oh, Y/N. Is everything ok?”

You nodded, humming. As you stepped forward, you pulled your shirt further up to your chin to try and retain some heat so as to combat the flurry of new, cold air. “Where are you going?”

His eyes were transfixed upon your face, not that you could make that out in the dim light. All while he could distinguish yours much more clearly, the chalk platter face of the moon granting you a celestial glow from where it rose above the neighbouring buildings. “Oh, giving them a lift, so they don’t have to walk, since it’s so dark out,” he sheepishly apologised, “I should have mentioned it, sorry. But you can start the film without me, I don’t mind!”

“Oh, ok,” you mumbled. You had been about to say you’d make sure everyone waited for him, as you were aware the drive wouldn’t be long, but his words had stopped you in your tracks. 

There was no way for him to avoid the dip in the glimmer of your eyes at what he had said, but he couldn’t push his departure any longer. “I’ll see you in a bit, Y/N. I promise I won’t be long.”

You tried to lift your arms in time to request that hug he owed you, but the door had closed before he could have accepted. 

You couldn’t help but wallow a little bit in your thoughts for a moment. You’d wanted to have as many people in as possible, as those were always the best times. And you understood you couldn’t have Ten and Xuxi, so why couldn’t you have Kun to make up for it…?

He was helping them, however, and going by how freezing it was out there, you had to acknowledge you would have scolded him for not offering to drive them the pretty long distance to the executive building somewhat on the other side of town. It made you kind of hypocritical, and you couldn’t quite shake that thought off.

At that moment, there was a slosh of water that made your ears prick up, leading you to turn towards the sink.

You hadn’t even noticed Xiaojun there, doing the washing up as he’d been elected to by Kun as he left the table. You felt bad for a bit but it was surprisingly dark in the room, and in your defence, he’d been basically silent the entire time. 

“You alright, Y/N?” he enquired, adding more hot water to the bowl.

“I could ask the same about you?” you glanced around the room, looking for the lightswitch. “Has the bulb gone again?”

“No, the light’s fine.”

“Oh, well…” You made your way over to the switch.

“Don’t turn it on,” he announced, tipping his head over his shoulder. The lights from the next room crystalised in his eyes, azure-gold and tracing a diamond upon his cheek. It illuminated the curve of his lips, as he spoke again, quieter this time, “Come here.”

You did what he asked, brushing his shoulder with yours as you came to his side.

You tried to meet his gaze, looking up to his face and drawing across his features, only to get distracted by the shine of his silver hair, tracing down his skin and curling round the shell of his ear so neatly. Plush lips parted as he spoke and you raised your eyes to meet his, only to have him turn away at the last second.

You were left with no choice but to follow where his stare was facing. 

“Look, out there,” he whispered, gently placing a plate at the bottom of the bowl.

You peered into the garden, dimly lit by the light from the living room dancing beyond you, the faint silver of the moon, next door’s garden light, and nothing more—the sky starless and as dark and thick as ink. You couldn’t see a single shape, or even determine the colour of the grass, and it disheartened you to have to explain it to Xiaojun, who was clearly much more excited than you were.

“Jun? I can’t see anything,” you murmured, but he hushed you suddenly, leaving you to slam your lips shut, heart pinched.

After a few seconds he spoke again, voice barely above a whisper, “We have to be really quiet. And no sudden movements. She’ll appear very soon, I know she will.”

You frowned, glancing through the dark window, confronted by the hazy grass of the garden meeting the grey tile of the patio, and then your own musty reflection as your eyes switched focus.

You couldn’t see much of Xiaojun in the glass, the shadow engulfing much of his mirrored-self. However, you could see one half of his face, shaded as if through clouds, his crown crudely lit like a halo from the auburn behind. 

A sigh very nearly left your lips as you stole another glance at his real face, his brow furrowing while his eyes narrowed into the darkness outside, teeth ever-so-slightly teasing his bottom lip as he peacefully waited.

It wasn’t fair how ethereal he was sometimes.

Suddenly he perked up, eyes widening, and leaning into you as he carefully pointed with a soap-sud painted finger into the black. “Look! There!”

You leant forward on the edge of the counter, eyes desperately scouring the garden until you spotted what he was waiting for.

A small bundle, tapered with jagged edges upon its top, snuffling through the shadows. A moment’s thought, and you finally put an understanding to the creature.

A tiny hedgehog, on the search for food.

As she came closer, you could just about make out the twitching of a nose, while she made a somewhat beeline for the fence on the left hand side of the garden. There you could just about make out a weathered blue pet-bowl, filled with some food of sorts.

“There she is,” Xiaojun sighed, whispering a laugh sheepishly. “I was beginning to worry there for a bit, I’ll be honest.”

A wide smile rose to your face, overtaken by the purity of an animal that small just... shuffling through the cold to find food which had been placed in the back garden—and just for her too.

“Did you…?”

“Yeah, the dog food was me,” he replied. “She only comes when it’s quiet here, which isn’t often but it does happen after dinner, as the others get quiet. That’s why I offer to do the work here, so I can check up on her.”

You couldn’t glance away from the hedgehog, especially when she finally reached the bowl and began to tuck in. Though it was in the shade and it was very hard to see anything besides the bowl by that point, made to stand out against the night by the brightness of its sides.

“She’ll eat it all no doubt, she didn’t come yesterday. Unless she has somewhere else and is just running rings around me,” he chuckled, picking up the plate. 

“Why didn’t she turn up?” you asked, wrenching your eyes away to look at Xiaojun again.

The corners of his eyes rose as he wrinkled his nose briefly. “Xuxi’s euphoria last night?” 

You stood confused for a second, trying to retrace your memory, until you finally struck gold. “Oh yea! Jungwoo’s message! I think it was everyone’s euphoria to be honest,” you sighed, laughter at how over-the-top-bubbly Xuxi had been at the sight of his groupmate just texting him ‘hello’ dwindling, “I’d been worried sick about him. No matter how many times anyone assured me he was ok, I knew I wouldn’t settle until I heard it from him himself.”

“It’s alright, I understand that. And I’m pretty sure the others do too.”

As your eyes fell, remembering the anxiety you had about his condition, Xiaojun’s finally settled back on you. 

“You’re extremely kind Y/N, you almost care too much,” he said, “I know Jungwoo can’t wait to see you again, too.”

You finally met his gaze, letting a small smile rise to your lips as you did so. He was just so beautiful, you couldn’t actually look away even if by some bizarre curse you wanted to.

“Thank you, Junnie.”

“I mean it though, Y/N,” he insisted softly, eyes alight with a sudden certainty, “I worry sometimes you care too much about others, and though we appreciate it very much, I don’t…” His voice faltered, as if he’d spoken too much. “We don’t want you to hurt yourself in the process, and forget to care for yourself. We all love looking after you, but we also don’t want you to be hurt at all, if we can help it. So if something hurts you, let us know immediately, so we can support you… yeah?”

You nodded, swallowing as you felt your throat clench. His words were so kind—too kind. It made your heart wrench. Blinking quickly, you looked back into the garden, spotting the hedgehog making her way back to the hedgerow.

At that moment, a voice rose from the living room. “Y/N! What film do you want to watch?”

Somewhat grateful for the distraction, you felt the urge to cry dissipate as you took another glance at Xiaojun. He hadn’t looked away from you this time, it seemed, but you didn’t focus upon that for your own sanity. “I’d better go,” you said, “thank you for showing me the hedgehog. She’s really cute, I’m glad you feed her.”

“No problem, I’ll let you do it tomorrow, if you have time and would like to?”

“That sounds great!” You sent him a grin, covering any sadness you had felt a few moments before. Laying your hand on his shoulder for a second before you passed as a small farewell, you made your way to the living room to go help Yangyang. 

As you reached the archway though, you turned back around to ask one more thing, the thought suddenly preoccupying you to a stop. “Oh, Xiaojun?”

“Yes?” He finished washing a plate and placed it on the draining board, peering over his shoulder at you once again. 

“Does she have a name? The hedgehog?”

In the shadows of the kitchen, you thought you saw him falter, his lip waver in an attempt to formulate a sound, a shape, a word. Brash to the silence, you heard a stutter in his answer.

“Actually, no, I didn’t think... I just call her ‘hedgehog’.”

You spluttered at his seeming inhumanity. How could he possibly not name the poor little thing?

Your disappointment in him was obvious too, and so he hastily added, “Maybe you could come up with one?”

You reasoned with the suggestion, but it didn’t take long before you responded happily with a nod. “I’ll see what I can come up with. See you in a bit!” 

After you left the room, however, he let out a sigh of relief.

He was glad you’d fallen for that excuse, especially since it was so far from the truth. The first thing that he had done, once he realised the hedgehog was a regular, was give her a name. And since she was adorable, with her little nose and love for food, he decided to name her after the first adorable thing he thought of.

He hadn’t foreseen the issue that would occur if he showed her to the person of which he’d secretly named the hedgehog after. 

.

.

.

You spun round the door-frame, willing your thoughts to clear and dissipate. You clapped your hands against your cheeks to try and cool them from the raging pink they had flushed from your previous conversation. Being so close to him had hit a nerve within you somewhere, though what it was, you couldn’t quite comprehend. 

As you passed through, Hendery slipped round the other corner and collided into you.

His sudden appearance made you jump, a rather pathetic yelp uttered past your lips as you quickly found yourself losing your balance after an effort to haphazardly make distance between the sudden newcomer.

Luckily for you, Hendery’s reactions were faster than your falling. He grasped your shoulder firmly, though in such a manner it made you wonder if he wanted to touch you at all—you were at arm's length, his fingers fanned out to rest upon your shoulder blades, his touch barely there, yet very much present. 

You were quick to slot back onto your feet as you staggered to accommodate for his reflex. Only to push yourself further into his arms. You felt as if your luck couldn’t get any worse, face burning up once again as you almost butted Hendery’s head with your own. It was almost as if you were in some cliche skit where you had temporarily become a hapless staggering damsel for the day, and you weren’t going to have that for any longer.

You freed yourself from the sudden proximity with Hendery, refusing to make eye contact as you moved from staring at his exposed collarbone and instead the floor as you rooted yourself to it, folding your arms and huffing. 

He watched you attempt to reclaim your pride, exhaling in relief as you seemed to grow in confidence once again. He had to admit, he understood well that you’d had a bad day, but he couldn’t help but find it odd how flushed your soft cheeks were and how on edge you appeared.

Meanwhile, his face had been a picture, lips pursed into an ‘o’ of moderate horror as he’d almost knocked you to the ground, which then spread into a wide smile as he giggled sheepishly. His eyes were clear as glass, dark and glinting and rueful, as you finally worked up the courage to meet them again.

“Sorry Y/N!” he said, mischief lacing his words.

You scoffed, staring him down, though feeling more of a rush flood through your chest. “Y-yeah, you will be!”

He laughed at your response, quickly dropping the issue entirely. You were grateful for that, you didn’t want to admit that he’d spooked that much. “We need to choose a film, so… what one do you want to watch?”

“I don’t…” you shrugged, “I don’t really know.”

You were glad that you didn’t need to look at him now that he had shifted to your side. You could feel his stare on you however, and it made you want to shiver.

He nodded, interlinking his arm with yours. “Shall we go have a look, my lady?”

Before you could let any words slip through your lips in bemused amusement, he pulled himself closer to you, arm interlocking with yours, and then led you through to the corridor with the shelves stacked with movies.

Slipping through the archway, thanking any deities that were listening that there was no reason for Hendery to be able to hear the heightened tempo of your heart, you found Yangyang already there. He was squinting up at the top row as you reached the rack, fingers running across each box like a small child reading the letters of their first book.

Hendery extended his free arm towards the shelving, bowing his head, “Your moving pictures, my lady.”

You snorted, taking in the sight of the stockpile of films. He was always so extra. In fact, it made it hard for you to focus upon the selection, barely registering the fonts of the titles and colours of the boxes, as you were hit by a sudden spring of sentimentality. 

They’d been ordered alphabetically by title, and you remember the day starkly that you’d sat down with Xuxi to organise them. 

He wouldn’t have been your first choice to help order things, since his attention span normally lasted around that of a cocker spaniel with a new toy, but he’d been the only one in the house at the time, and he was the only one tall enough to reach the very top shelf regardless (you still didn’t understand why that top shelf had been installed and even being used, because if Xuxi wasn’t around—which did occur often due to his new schedules—then it was a real safety hazard to get a film down from there, seeing that no one else in the group managed to grow anywhere near 6″). 

On this occasion though, he’d been uncharacteristically focused, listening to your instructions carefully, his dazzling grin a sight to behold as he had cocked his head to one side whilst he thought—you could have seen the letters wafting across his thoughts as he counted them. He’d been very calm and rational, as if the bounce had been temporarily quelled, and he’d made jokes about how short everyone else was only a couple of times, too. 

In fact, he’d been a very big help, and the afternoon had also proved useful in the sense that you weren’t the only one with a better idea of where all the movies were. Even if they were organised well, the two of you could still find them faster than the others usually could, simply due to the fact you could remember where you’d placed them on the shelves in the first place. 

Kun had been extremely happy with the end result as well, which was always a bonus. Meanwhile Ten still didn’t believe you’d managed to get Xuxi to sit down and do it with you. You didn’t blame his disbelief. You could barely believe it yourself. But there he had been, clear as day, settling himself on the carpet without you even inclining to ask him to.

However, you did admonish the system you’d used now though. Perhaps taking the extra time to organise them into genres would have been better, as after all, you rarely knew a specific movie you wanted to watch.

You suddenly became very aware of Hendery’s presence. He’d inched forwards, his lips pursing out of the corner of your eye as he narrowed his sights on the possibilities for the night.

His movement had snapped you out of your thoughts, though it took a lot of effort to avoid getting caught upon the sight of his lips, beautifully curved and the perfect shade of rose—

You forced yourself to scour your eyes over the titles, eventually straightening to join Yangyang in peering up at the very top row, where the box-sets were kept.

“Whatcha looking at?” you asked Yangyang, a giggle thinly veiled. His thoughtful little frown was adorable, and it was clear he was thinking very hard about something.

“Did we watch the final part of The Lord of the Rings?” he answered.

You and Hendery both nodded. 

“Oh... well there goes that suggestion then.” He shifted down from tiptoe and came to lean against the table beside the shelving, sending you a sweet smile. “Y/N, what type of movie would you like?”

Eased, you sent him a quick smile before glancing down at the films at the lower rungs. “I’m not sure, really. Nothing too heavy, and nothing that will make me cry.”

He hummed. “So, a comedy then?”

Hendery’s eyes went wide, a look of genuine fear playing on his features. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Our senses of humour in this house, when it comes to films can…” he paused, silk voice tentative, “…vary, a lot.”

You nodded in agreement. “Remember what happened over that Robin Hood film?” You shook your head very firmly. “Bad times, my dudes.” 

Yangyang cocked his head to one side in thought, frowning at seemingly nothing. “Fair enough…” Suddenly, he perked up, showing a grin you knew well. “I’ve had an idea. What if we watch a really bad movie, one that’s so bad, it’s actually kind of good?”

You clicked your fingers, before shooting him finger-guns, “Now that is a good idea!”

The three of you turned towards the mountain of films. It wasn’t long before your attention was drawn from them once again, as Hendery gently lent upon your shoulder, letting his fingers just brush the jumper at your shoulder. Once again you were convinced he wasn’t perhaps focused on the films.

“Ok… bad… films…” Yangyang murmured, pulling out a blue box to read its description on the back. You didn’t even gather what he’d picked out, as your eyes had been drawn back to Hendery’s as if magnetised. 

As it turned out, he was a lot closer than you had previously thought. This time, it was his eyes that formulated the centre of gravity, and you immediately found yourself held in them, glistening mahogany so dark the tints stowed away in the shadows of the curtains of his fringe.

You sent him a smile, awkward and most likely faltering out of no reason other than mild shock at just how well poised his features could be, enquiring with a stutter, “Do you have any ideas?”

He smushed his lips together, as he usually did when he was thinking, something of which that always made your heart simper, and let his eyes wander away from you and up to the penultimate top shelf. 

“’Azure Shadow’?” he said, reaching up and grabbing the box, his arm shifting lending his hand to consequently rest around the curve of your shoulder, fingers grasping ever so tenderly as if you were an artifact he wasn’t supposed to touch. You couldn’t help but freeze up at it, all while he didn’t even seem to notice, his voice as clear as a cloudless, spring day sky. “I heard it was pretty bad—hey The CP Times gave it 4 stars!”

Yangyang pointed victoriously, as he quickly realised a point he’d made long ago was now finally proven. “See! I told you guys you should never trust the CP Times!”

You were grateful for his interruption, as it drew potential attention away from you, stuck in your emotionally stumbling mess. You felt his grip tighten lightly, fingertips rubbing ever so slightly against your shoulder blade as laughter seeped into Hendery’s voice. “What? What problem do you have with the CP Times? I…?”

“Oh come off it, Hendery, you know! That awful article they posted about—!”

“Oh…! I see where your allegiances lie, Yangyang the Traitor!”

“I—what does that mean?!”

“They published a lovely one about my favourite—”

The hand finally left you, your shoulder falling into the grips of a surprising cold, but your mind began to pull itself finally out of its trance. 

“And? They were horrible to mine!”

“They didn’t mention her though!”

To be frank, you had no clue what their little squabble was about, and it didn’t help that they kept interrupting one another. You shivered as you regained your sensibility, tiptoeing forward to urge yourself to enter the fray.

“Exactly!”

“She was on hiatus at the time!” Hendery countered, eyes bright in contrast to Yangyang’s wilder ones. “You’re just too in love with her, that’s what.”

Yangyang had no words for that. His mouth hung open like a guppy fish, as he scrambled for something to retort back. But he was panicked, and it showed on his face, as colour seemed to simultaneously drain from it but also rush to his cheeks. 

“I am not in love with her?!” Yangyang was scowling, his voice jagged and incredulous and harsh. You winced at the unexpected sound, leading his eyes to quickly flicker to you. Any strength that had once been in them vanished before your own, as all fighting energy left his body limper. His voice was much quieter as he echoed himself, glancing away from you and staring at the floor instead,  “I am not in love with her…” 

All the while Hendery just laughed it off, as if everything that had just happened had been a ruse to rile the youngest up all along. “Yeah, yeah, of course. I got you.”

You decided it would be wise to intervene before their bickering ended in a tussle again.  

“Well… maybe this film isn’t bad enough,” you remarked, earning a nod from Hendery and leading him to put it back on the shelf.

Yangyang remained silent for a while, even as Hendery suggested some other movies. His gaze was uncharacteristically vacant, while his presence had grown rather small.

You wanted to go over to him, to make sure he was ok, but there were many contradicting messages going on in the room, and you couldn’t really tell if it was that serious or not. One was behaving as if it was, the other as if it was not. Besides, Yangyang was neither super cuddly nor super solitary, so it was more of a case by case thing as to whether he wanted attention to help him calm down and cheer up or not.

“What about ‘The Man of Blade’?” he measured suddenly out of the blue, scoffing weakly as he retrieved it, “this one doesn’t even show its ratings, it must be awful!”

You skipped over to him, now given an inclination that he wanted to socialise. You really didn’t want to leave him, even if you didn’t know what the hell had just happened. And so you took hearing him talk as an invitation for you.

Placing your hand on his shoulder, you ducked your head in carefully. You wanted to see the description, but you also wanted to offer him some comfort, thus your cheek just barely brushed the cloth of his hoodie.

You had expected Yangyang to read it out, but feeling him shift his weight, perhaps just to accommodate for you, but you expected it was more out of sudden nerves, so you decided to take the role up instead.

As you cleared your throat in order to begin reading it dramatically to keep Hendery on side, Yangyang turned the box at an angle so you could read it better. You snuck a glimpse at him, to find a smile already filtering back onto his face. The signs of there being no lasting impact boosted your confidence as you found courage in reaching success.

“’A man makes a wish to a genie’,” you began, the corners of your mouth twitching already as you attempted to keep your tone serious, “‘to become the most powerful man to ever live so he could face God in a one-to-one’ battle to the death—”

“I’m sorry what?” Yangyang was back in business, ripples of his laughter seeping through his chest to where you could feel it, lending you further chance to rest your head fully against his shoulder. 

All the while Hendery merely laughed.

You tried to hold it together. “—a-and restore not only his pride but his… his…”

“Oh no, what?” 

Laughter bubbled in your throat as you forced the final sentence from your lips. “His valiant steed’s honour—yo, what the actual—?!”

Yangyang cackled as he began hastily opening the box. “It’s decided! We’re watching ‘The Man of Blade’! And we can all suffer together!”

Hendery snickered, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but why the hell is that even here?! Who bought it?”

“It must be a present?” you insisted. “Surely! No one in this house would buy this in their right mind otherwise—”

“I bought it.”

Three heads simultaneously whipped in the direction of the living room. 

There, standing in the archway, was Sicheng.

A moment of silence passed as the three of you stared at him, mouths agape and words lost, until you exclaimed, in more fear than you had perhaps originally anticipated, “Chengie, no!”

“Look,” he projected, before the other two could add to the confusion, “it was supposed to be dumb gift for Ten, something that I could hide his actual present behind, and so I decided to hide it plain sight until his birthday.”

A chorus arose. “Ohhh.”

“But, does that mean we can’t use it then?” Hendery questioned. 

“Oh, yeah, damn,” Yangyang said, closing the box, “it’s ok Sicheng, we’ll put it back.”

“Actually,” you began, eyes flickering from each man, and finally resting on the box, “Ten isn’t here, so as long as no one tells…”

“We can still watch it!” Hendery finished, clapping his hands and motioning for the box. “Let’s start it up, I want to see the menu page!”

As the two fought over who got to put the disc in the player, their squabbling much more harmless this time, you made a mental note to ask someone about the debacle later, turning your attention currently to Sicheng instead.

His eyes, dark caramel and hidden from the light, were down-turned and avoiding your gaze. They seemed to graze across your cheeks instead, flickering up to your own only occasionally.

You offered him a smile, small and soft, and then walked over to him. “Hey, thanks for the film! It sounds perfect for tonight.”

“It’s no problem, I’m curious to watch it too,” he grinned back, before easing you out of the way of the two bundles of energy that bounded through into the living room, “I really hope it’s as bad as it sounds.”

“Oh it’s got to be!” you assured, feeling warmth settle back into your system, slowly, but surely, as you laughed. Relief felt good after all. “Come on, Chengie, help me get some snacks?”

“Of course.” He stepped backwards, letting you past to lead the way. 

Back in the kitchen, you began to scavenge for all the food you could find, layering Sicheng’s arms with bags upon bags of snacks. You weren’t exactly paying attention to the number you’d piled, however, until you swung all the cupboards closed and aimed to place a final packet on top, only to find that you’d crafted a tiny mountain, and Sicheng’s face was practically completely obscured by its silhouette.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry Chengie, I didn’t notice how much…”

“It’s alright,” he answered brightly, peeking carefully round the precarious pile, “I got it!”

His smile was glimmeringly bright, and you couldn’t help but be stunned by it, since a bright smile like that wasn’t exactly common for him, even in the dorms. He stepped forward carefully to request the final snack be crowned upon the summit above his eyeline, and with caution, you obliged, balancing it on top as best you could.

“Now all we have to do is get you into the living room without dropping them—are you sure you don’t want me to take half? It’s not hard at all for me to do so…!”

He turned so he could see you. “It’s ok, you’re already doing too much by organising this. I can carry a pile of snacks, don't worry! Just… warn me if I get too close to an obstacle.”

You nodded, peering over his shoulder to see his way. “I can try and do that. I can promise I can help you avoid a chair, but I must warn you Sicheng, I can’t guarantee I can help you avoid other ones such as Hendery and Yangyang.”

You heard a laugh from behind the snack pillar, and felt your heart leap with pride as a response. It wasn’t that Sicheng was boring—no, far from it—it was just he wasn’t on the verge of being a giggling mess all the time like the others were. You’d guessed it came with maturity. Then you remembered how much of a dork some of the older members could be in general, and then admitted to yourself that you had to more or less discount that theory. 

“Moving obstacles are always the worst,” he agreed, shifting his hands slowly to keep a firmer grasp on the mountain as he turned to make his way back into the living room. “But I appreciate your effort nonetheless. You ready?”

You hummed in affirmation, and the two of you began your careful trundle into the living room.

.

.

.

With snacks arranged on the coffee table, you slumped on the sofa, taking care to mind your feet as you went—you didn’t want to knock all your hard work on the carpet, as then you would have to vacuum it all up and unless you had someone to make the pain more bearable, it wasn’t fun in the slightest. 

You watched as Hendery emerged victorious over the disc and scampered over to the TV, fiddling with the DVD player.

Yangyang, pouting from the sidelines, perked up once he realised that he now had a crucial advantage. 

He bounded over to you, barely choosing a side and instead practically flung himself onto the sofa too. He threw his arms open to encase you as he went, and once his back hit the cushions, he pulled you into him. 

Shrieking in surprise and glee, you shuffled yourself round so you could rest your head more comfortably on his chest. 

“There,” he murmured proudly, a hand coming to pat your hair softly, “comfy?”

“Very.” Your voice was muffled against his hoodie. 

Hendery glanced back over his shoulder at the sight, and hurried himself. You couldn’t see, and even if you could have, you wouldn’t have been able to notice the brief pang that hit Hendery’s heart at the sight of you snuggled closely into his warmth.

You would have been able to witness Yangyang’s smirk that he sent him as he began to make his way over.

All of this knowledge of course was obsolete to you, as you could see nothing at all, enveloped in warmth and seeing nothing but darkness with your eyes closed, your ear pressed against Yangyang’s heart.

Its beat was wild.

Sicheng meanwhile took a seat where he had been previously, spinning the chair around so he would be able to see the screen.

You heard it creak and peaked out from beneath Yangyang’s arms to catch a glimpse of him.

“Hey,” you called softly, causing him to swivel a bit further round to see you, “you sure you don’t want to come sit over here? It’s comfier than that desk chair.”

“But it is a spinny ch—” You hushed Yangyang before he could finish. 

Sicheng smiled, the dim in his eyes growing as he shook his head. “No, it’s ok, I’m good here.”

“You sure?” You couldn’t deny it to yourself: you really did want him to sit over there with you. You didn’t know why, or what you wanted to do with him had he come over when you beckoned, because he wouldn’t have been comfortably with you draped over him in any shape or form, which you respected, but you also wanted to touch him in some way. You hated seeing that grey hue in his eyes that forced him to turn them away from you, you reasoned.

There was probably something more to it all too, but as per usual, your ramblings were interrupted by his response.

It was a nod, and the very gradual spin of his chair as he pushed himself back to face the TV subtly.

You tried not to take it personally, but you couldn’t hide the falter in your smile. It was hard to get all your feelings together sometimes after all.

Yangyang couldn’t quite see it at his angle, but Hendery could, and it led to him pouting at you as he waddled over.

“Y/N?” His voice was soft, as if he didn’t want the others to hear. You were thankful for that, if it was the case, as it wasn't that big of an issue, and you didn’t want to worry anyone else.

“I’m ok, don’t worry!” you declared. “Just tired, is all.” 

Your response had been too fast, and it was just your luck that of course both Hendery and now Yangyang had noticed. You cursed your accidental volume, sending them both an eye roll as you played it down. 

“It’s been a real long day, but you guys worry too much,” you jested, poking the arm beside your head. 

You received a little huff from above you in a wordless reply, whilst Hendery quickly settled down beside you, inclining into your sloped body as he held your hand tightly, fingers laced with your own. They were a little clammy but then again so were yours, and you never cared.

‘Attention whore,’ you thought to yourself, a chuckle seeping into reality. Yangyang frowned at the random burst of humour, since no one had done anything as you did. He wondered what was going in your head. It was a merciless thing to chase, since no one would know, and he’d never really understand—that’s kind of how brains worked after all—but he loved hearing what you had to say about everything. He shifted his weight to bring you just a little bit closer, as if it would make a difference, let him understand why you were laughing.

He didn’t have long to consider much at all, with the film menu loading up and sending everyone in the room into a bout of horrified laughter.

“What even is that?!” Yangyang yelled above you.

“That, dear Yangyang, is an actual, colourised depiction of hell,” you countered, lips twisted in terror as you sat up instinctively. Yangyang too was tense—it was as if the atrocity had immediately set off fight-or-flight responses of every single person in the room. 

Hendery flicked his head over to you. “In the shape of a horse?!” 

“It’s never going to leave my head,” Sicheng murmured. “There it is. Emblazoned into the insides of my skull. Behind my eyes. I’ll never escape it. Set me free from this torment—”

“What’s going on?”

Xiaojun had come through from the kitchen, drying his hands on a tea towel and striding through into the living room as if he’d been summoned. 

Everyone silently and simultaneously pointed at the TV, depicting the single-shot menu screen of an abominable CGI horse crowding the entire screen.

“I don’t—mother of sweet jesus—” 

“I know right?” Yangyang exclaimed. “It’s horrifying. I hate it!”

“It’s actually cursed,” Xiaojun stated, unable to draw his eyes away from the savagery of art he’d been presented with. His mouth was agape as he leant on his hands, placed on the back of the sofa. “Obscene!”

Winwin’s voice was still low, but you could just about hear it over the whoops and cries of the others; “My sleep paralysis demon.”

“Is this what we’re watching?” Xiaojun asked, deep eyes wide and begging for the answer to be any cognate of ‘no’.

“Yep.”

He turned to look down to you, his expression torn in misery. “This crime to humanity?”

“One hundred percent.”

Xiaojun stared at the screen, eyes alight with the tacky flames of the anathema displayed before him. Eventually he snapped out of his cursed gaze and headed back into the kitchen. “Dear lord—don’t start without me!”

As the laughter died down, you settled back into Yangyang’s embrace, ushering Hendery to come closer too so you could have him near too.

He looked over to you, feeling the tug on his hand. With only a momentary pause to check if you were sure, he flopped down onto your stomach, exhaling happily with an arm stretched.

“You feel happier now, right Y/N?” Yangyang suddenly asked, voice low, and just below a whisper. 

You were surprised, but nodded nonetheless. “Yeah, I’m feeling much better than I did before. Don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” He cleared his throat, shifting his balance to support the extra wait Hendery brought to the table. “You’re certain we don’t need to enact special measures?”

You frowned, tilting your head up to come to look at his jaw, as he quickly looked back up to somewhere else in the room—or at least, anywhere besides the TV, for clearly very rational reasons. Bemusedly, you asked about his supposed ‘special measures’, but won little response. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, before he glanced down at you, eyes flickering across each paradigm of your face with his lips pressed plush as he thought. 

He parted them eventually, ebbing with air and possible words, until you felt the rise of his chest as he inhaled and readied himself to speak.

Only then did Xiaojun enter the room and take the final spot at the end of the sofa, patting Hendery’s legs to get them to move. 

“Ok, I’m back, we can start now!” he announced.

The ball of conversation was knocked from its ledge and rolled in a different direction to what you’d hoped. 

“Who has the remotes?” Hendery piped up, feet repositioned but this time on top of Xiaojun’s legs. The elder of the two wasn't impressed by it all though, and instead shoved them off by flicking his toes. 

“I do,” Sicheng replied, already frowning at the buttons. “Can someone get the lights?”

“Sure.”

Yangyang stretched up behind him, hand awkwardly sliding up the wall as he sought for the switch. Eventually his fingers struck gold, and the room snapped dark.

And then the menu finally disappeared as the horror of a film began. 

.

.

.

And by no surprises, it was utter garbage. 

But it lived up to expectations in that sense, and it was thus absolutely hilarious.

You’d spent the first hour shrieking with laughter, and then you proceeded to tear each scene and every piece of dialogue apart as a five-piece.

The entire film was in itself a curse, a sin, blasphemous.

Hendery was slapping criticism on the plot left, right and centre to the point it made you wonder why he was here at all and not a movie critic. Meanwhile, Xiaojun just snorted at everything he said.

The two had come to an unspoken truce, after squabbling over where Hendery could put his feet. They were now situated on Xiaojun’s thighs, and swinging every now and again, especially when the owner got particularly pent up and passionate about a piece of dialogue or plot hole. 

You felt your heart burn at how adorable it was, though also suffered the pain of the jerks that Hendery made every time he had the sole of his feet poked or tickled, which Xiaojun seemed to enjoy doing too much.

You stroked Hendery’s hair gently, lightly pressing his fringe out of his eyes where his head rested on your stomach, whilst you peered around to Sicheng to check if he was alright, having not heard a peep from him in half an hour or so.

What you found was borderline horrifying. He was completely engrossed in the movie, with a  grin plastered on his face as the lights of the terrible CGI glowed in his irises and fashioned him into a cult leader in a fantasy movie, watching something demonic burn.

You hushed a chuckle behind your hand, as you leant back to turn your attention to Yangyang. 

He’d been the forerunner of the jokes, cackling at every little thing and turning it into pure comedy gold for the rest of the people in the room, which you were very grateful for. The movie would have been brain-soup without him.

He’d re-positioned himself slightly so you were higher up on his body, head much closer to be of an equal height to his. This way you could press your temple against his cheek, if you wanted. 

However, it was him that had his head nuzzled against you, his cheek resting in your hair. 

He eventually quietened down as he grew more drowsy, instead taking in the scent of you, sweet and calming. It only lulled him into more peace. 

With you in his arms he felt complete, in a way. As if he had a duty of sorts and when you were there he was completing it. Not that he’d ever tell you as such.

But he wasn’t sure what this meant to him, and he didn’t want to think about it too much.

A part of him deep down knew that it would cause some pain, somewhere along the line. And so he didn’t spare those thoughts the chance. 

However, he couldn’t still the beating of his heart whenever you moved against him, whenever you looked at him and smiled.

As the credits rolled, there were several sighs of relief, but otherwise it was complete utter silence as the room tried to comprehend what abomination you’d just witnessed.

You glanced over at everyone to see if they were just as confused as you were. Seeing you were in firm company in your bemusement, you announced, “The Oscars are clearly rigged for this not to win.”

Yangyang snorted. “Of course!”

“Best film ever! Y/N couldn’t make a better one even if she tried.”

Xiaojun flicked Hendery’s toe for that one.

“Oh of course, honey.” You leant over slightly, arms gently squeezing the boy in your lap, giving him a squeeze. “And you couldn’t make a worse one.”

Hendery seemed to take it as more of a compliment as he grinned, nose scrunching as he headbutted you softly.

You tickled his sides briefly, seeking joy in the squeal that it earnt you, and let Xiaojun take the fall as he got kicked in the arm. You sent him an apologetic pout, not that you deep down meant it wholeheartedly. 

“Ow! Y/N!” he exaggerated, “And to think I defended you!”

“Karma,” you responded simply, much to his chagrin.

“For what?!”

“For all the headbutts I got in the stomach?” you asserted

Xiaojun shrugged, admitting his faults and hence, defeat. “Yeah, that’s fair—” 

It was Sicheng that interrupted. “Oh.”

His voice was disappointed, and where his melancholy suddenly procured from confused you, since you couldn’t see any possible origin anywhere. Had someone done something? Said something to dismiss him? More likely ignored him. You hoped for the others’ sake they hadn’t. He’d been so sunny during the movie. 

You looked over to him, trying to veil your concern in its entirety, but still show care. “Chengie?”

“The time,” he said, holding up his phone.

It was nearly midnight. 

“How long was the movie?” Yangyang exclaimed.

Sicheng answered, “Longer than you’d expect.”

“Well over two hours?” Xiaojun suggested. “But that time included the credits.”

“Haven’t you guys got to be up like, stupid-early tomorrow?” you asked, voice timid, fearing the ‘yes’ that you knew would follow.

A moan of irritation ricocheted across the room. 

Xiaojun confirmed it for you. “Yeah, we do.”

“I don’t want to go…” Yangyang whined.

“I’m sorry but you gotta,” you encouraged sadly, “you need sleep.”

“And so do you,” Hendery added, kicking his legs off the sofa and stretching as he stood. 

It was your day off tomorrow, though you couldn’t deny you were pretty tired. You decided not to protest. “I guess so.”

“Yeah, come on, otherwise Kun will be mad at us,” Xiaojun chuckled, “not sending you to bed at a responsible time, you know.”

You snickered, slowly shifting yourself out of Yangyang’s arms. 

His hands seemed resistant to the idea, catching on your shirt as you moved away.

Eventually though, he was freed from any of the ‘constraints’ he had—and thus all of his possible excuses as to why he wouldn’t head upstairs too—and was ordered by you to head to his room. “Come on, Yangyang. You gotta go.”

He pouted at you, in a last bid attempt to get you to have mercy and stay just a bit longer.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, but I can withstand even the strongest Xuxi pout,” you explained. From behind you heard someone, the identity of which you could not tell, whisper that that was a lie, but you ignored it and continued, “I’m sorry, but you’ve still got some training to do before you can win me over like that,” 

“Yeah, ok, I’m going,” Yangyang reluctantly nodded his head, mumbling,  “Worth a try…”

Hendery followed second, waving to you as he went with that Prince Charming smile almost knocking you off-guard again. It hadn’t, but of course something else was going to succeed in its stead. That ‘something’ took the form of Xiaojun, bidding you goodnight with a chaste kiss on your cheek. You were startled to say the least, it had been so brief, but felt like it had also lasted for minutes. His lips were warm, soft, but you hadn't been able to hold onto much tangibility to them, as no sooner had they met your skin, they were whisked away again. Like the touch of a spirit, afraid of the rapidly rising sun. It seemed no one else noticed due to the darkness of the living room and the fact that most of them were already halfway up the stairs or gone.

You remained in the living room a bit after they went, pretending that you needed to stretch on the sofa for a bit before getting up. It was a lie, though, and you knew that well, and you felt your fingers tracing over the curves of the invisible imprint he’d left there.

“You need to head up too.”

Sicheng’s voice was light and airy, like the shadows had engulfed it. You barely heard him, but he made you jump nonetheless. With one hand at your kiss-embroidered cheek, you threw one down to your chest where you wished the weight of your hand would somehow slow the sudden spike in your heart rate.

“I know,” you assured just as quietly, “I’m just… taking my time.”

You could just about trace the lines of his smile in the dim light after he turned the TV off. His presence was faint, but what you could feel was warm and gentle.

He whispered something that this time you didn’t catch. But you felt the tethered urge to know what it was.

“Sicheng?”

“Don’t worry.”

You swallowed, knowing that you weren’t going to get it out of him, much to your disappointment. He had just said what sounded like a collection of random syllables, but together they had carried something heavy, something with depth, something that had been patient for quite a time.

He sighed, getting to his feet. You heard the crinkling of wrappers and the clatter of bowls as he began to tidy up. 

“Here, I’ll help,” you began.

But as you sat up, you felt a hand press firmly against your shoulder.

“There’s no need, it’s ok.”

You frowned into the dark. He wasn’t looking at you, which was why his voice sounded distant. You could make out his silhouette, broad and proportioned as if he was drawn. He was like an artist's unknown creation, stood in the background of their studio, overlooked by many but appreciated much more than any by the few that knew him.

You worked up the courage to enquire about the occurrences earlier. “Why wouldn’t you come over and sit with us? Like, during the movie or before.” Feeling intrusive, you hurriedly added: “I mean, I don’t mind of course, just… you know?”

That caused him to look at you, dead in the eye, but he remained silent for the longest time. 

You reasoned that maybe this was why he never made eye contact with you. Because when he did, it was like he was peering much deeper than just your eyes. His stare was the definition of eyes being the gateways to the soul. You briefly considered if this one worked both ways when he finally replied, eyes dipping away once again.

“I didn’t want to get in your way,” he cleared his throat, scooping up an unopened snack bag under an arm, “besides, you were already quite busy with the others, so… I didn’t want to overwhelm you with anything more.”

Your features softened at his words, a pang in your heart. “I appreciate that, Chengie. But please remember that you won’t overwhelm me or get in my way. I like hanging out with you just as much as the others.”

You could make out the smile on his face, small and sweet, before he ushered himself away towards the kitchen. “You need to head to bed, Y/N, you need some sleep.”

He was right, but you were convinced you weren’t going to leave until you got one thing. If you'd calculated everything right, he wouldn’t have a problem. In fact, it may just be what he specifically wanted.

You headed to the entrance into the kitchen and waited for Sicheng to come back. Upon his return, he almost bumped into you, but caught himself just in time.

Your eyes met in the darkness, lit by the streetlamp from outside the window far behind you. His hair glimmered with the golden haze, crowning him surreptitiously, as he wordlessly questioned why you were there.

“I know, I’m heading up I promise,” you answered for him. “But… I just... can I have a hug first? Please?”

With his lips pressed into a small ‘o’, he looked shocked by your request to say the least. You worried for a moment that you’d misjudged, and was asking for too much of him.

Before you could backtrack and hurriedly explain that it didn’t matter if he said no, you’d be fine and wouldn’t think any different of him, that delicately crafted yet stoic face melted right before your eyes into the softest smile you could have imagined. “Of course.”

The silhouettes of his hands rose in the dark, barely touching your body as he brushed them along the slopes of your shoulders. He was gentle, but they moved with a certain affirmity, as if they took a mind of their own, following an old familiar road throughout their long-left hometown.

You found your own fingers gracing his collarbones, before shifting up, your arms coming flush against his bare, smooth neck, and finally interlocking gradually behind him. Sicheng meanwhile rounded the curves of your upper arms, eventually spiralling around to make the jump to your waist, where they wasted no time in nestling into the nook of your lower back.

He held you delicately, but firmly against him. It was reassuring, despite the lack of time you spent there pressed into his warmth, as you felt your breath slow, and your eyes close.

He felt so… tender? Vulnerable? It felt like he really meant whatever he was trying to convey through his actions. You just felt at such a loss because you couldn’t figure out what it was.

As his head came to a gentle rest against yours, his hands secure at the small of your back tightening as if instinctively, it occurred to you awfully suddenly. 

It was if he was hugging you like he was never going to get the chance to do so again.

.

.

.

Once you’d reached your room, you’d breathed a sigh heavy with a boiling froth of emotions.

In a cruel sense of irony, chasing after comfort had only succeeded for so long, as you were drawn back into the realms of stress once again.

It was of course something you could handle, you imagined at least—you’d gotten through the day of hell, you imagined you could handle a cornucopia of thoughts. Though you had to admit to yourself that there was a lot of string to unravel. 

You couldn’t help but remember the thrum of your heart as Sicheng had placed his thumb against the cusp of your jaw while he gradually pulled himself away, encouraging you to go to bed. His palm had barely touched your neck, the contact was so brief it felt like the breath of a ghost, but you had found yourself barely able to use your lungs regardless.

For a brief moment there had been a light in his eyes, that despite the dark shone so brightly. And then he’d pulled himself away, and that grey from prior had returned, like clouds pushed by a November gale.

What did it mean?

Oh please. You knew, didn’t you? Deep down the understanding was there, not that you could perhaps believe it.

What you were rather dealing with was the question of what it meant to you.

You decided to watch Youtube for a while to calm yourself down a bit after… whatever had just happened, and consequently ended up staying up long enough for the others to return.

The sound of the door opening and the joyous cacophony of Xuxi’s laughter—instantly answered with incessant hushing from not just Ten but also synonymously Kun—reminded you of one of the no doubt many reasons why you were unable to settle.

Kun had promised to return quickly, but he had been gone all night.

You wanted to ask about it, desperately. However, this coincided with the fact it was very late indeed. And how comfortable you were in bed. But it was also going to drive you crazy all night if you didn’t find out why. Kun was a man of his word. He would never just… break a promise like that. Would he?

After a few minutes, once Ten and Xuxi had retired to their rooms, your disgruntled prayers were answered as Kun knocked on your door, face peaking through the gap.

You stared up at him, eyes big and expectant with your lips pursed. He had explaining to do after all. It appeared he was aware of this fact too, with guilt written over his face.

“Hey, Y/N, I’m sorry,” he began, “can I come in?”

You pretended to think about it for a few moments, even though you both knew the answer. He waited though, and it was only when you gave him a ‘yes’ did he come inside.

He sidled over to your bed, eyes sweeping the shapes formed by your bed covers, to make sure that when he eventually perched on the side, he didn’t accidentally sit on your feet interlocked beneath the blankets.

“I’m sorry, I promised I would come back but the other two swore it wouldn’t be long, and it would be more rational to stay,” he explained, “but then it took longer than they thought, but I couldn’t risk coming home only to then head out again and… I don’t know why I listened to Xuxi about it to be honest, it’s not an overly rational thing to do.”

“Did he pout at you?”

“No! I am above falling to such… charms…”

“Sure you are.” You arched an eyebrow. “Did Ten tell you to stay?”

He nodded, his eyes surprisingly big. He wasn’t really one to pull the ‘kicked-puppy’ image to try and gain mercy, but here he was.

“Well, I’ll let you off then,” you let the faux scowl fall from your face and giggled instead, “we know how persuasive he can be.”

Kun paused, eyes flitting to yours. “So you’re not mad?”

You scoffed. “Kun, I wasn’t even that mad to begin with, I promise! I can’t be mad at you for long anyhow. You’re just too—”

You’d let your mouth talk without your brain, and it suddenly occurred to you what you were saying. As your voice faltered, you weren’t sure what was supposed to follow. 

Kind? Sweet? Cute? Handsome? 

Kun was waiting for you to finish, and unfortunately, you panicked a bit.

“Kun.”

He frowned bemusedly. “I’m too ‘Kun’?”

You nodded awkwardly, while you interrogated your own intelligence in your head. “…To be mad at for long, yes.” 

He cocked his head to one side, eyes narrowed towards but not quite at your bedside table. “Well, I mean, I prefer that to you being mad at me.” He exhaled, clearly relieved, looking straight at you instead. “Did you enjoy the film?”

“Oh it was awful!” you exclaimed. As you saw his eyes widen again, you laughed. “We enjoyed it so much.”

He was clearly very confused, and his lips wavered as he didn’t know how to respond. 

You took some delight in his confusion, you couldn’t deny. “Well,” you propositioned coyly, “you’d understand if you’d been there.”

“I’m sorry!” he reiterated, eyes wide and searching yours for any sign of relent.

Normally, you would have perhaps kept up the teasing for a little while longer. However, sleep was lodged beneath your eyes, encouraging them to close. 

“Ok, I’m sorry, I’ll stop now,” you laughed, though you felt a little bit guilty and sighed, sending him a small sweet smile. It still, however, occurred to you that he still owed you. “But… there would be something that would make it all up to me—”

To your surprise, Kun interrupted you, already one step ahead, “I know. Here.”

He shuffled along the bed so he was much closer to your body, arms held out for you. And you didn’t hesitate, much to his gratitude, levering yourself up with a temporary, newfound energy and straight into his embrace.

His warmth enveloped you, strong hands holding your upper back firmly, gently pulling you even closer. He didn’t even hesitate, nestling his nose into your neck, much similar to how you’d buried yourself into him.

Tender and tranquil, Kun seeped solace no matter the mood of the room. Some would perhaps identify this as a negative, but they would be wrong—very much so. He was needed to balance everyone else’s volume, brashness, fire. And you probably had very much needed him all day. Things could not be changed however, and the world kept turning even if you had previously wished it to. You wished for it to stop turning this time too, although for different reasons. 

His fingers drew art upon your back, much to your soothed delight. It wasn’t something he did super often, but it was a characteristic of his: whenever someone needed comforting, he caressed characters into their back. They were often straight lines, as you’d found over the time you’d spent living with them, decorated with divots and curves.

His head tipped into yours, his voice a deep murmur, “I’ve been waiting hours to do this.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You couldn’t even help it, though you shook it off as best you could. You’d been all over the place that day, emotionally, so of course you were going to be reacting all fuzzily over general acts of kindness. Well, that’s what you told yourself. Besides, he was just stating facts.

However, you were distracted by a small epiphany that hit you somewhat out of the blue. The calligraphy he traced between your shoulder blades felt so foreign to you, and it took no shape you recognised. This wasn’t something new to you, admittedly. You’d felt these moments of tenderness before. And since you could assemble no familiarity, you normally led yourself to just move on. But with silence in the room, the pure stillness that so rarely occurred, you were able to pay a fresh attention to the patterns, to the weight of his hands. It occurred to you that his ministrations were not random. In fact, his fingers drew the same code into your shirt, over and over. It was a long line, three consecutive dots, another line—was it lipped?—horizontal, then swooping, then flat, finalised by two curves. And subsequently, it repeated. 

You had barely an idea of what it was, but whether your scrap of a theory was right or not didn’t matter to you, as you were curious and were going to ask him nonetheless. He still owed you, you rationalised

“Me too,” you finally answered, frowned absentmindedly into his shoulder as you asked, “Kun, are you drawing something?”

“Hm?” He paused, confused by your words out of context.

“Into my back.” You shifted your face further into his hoodie, as if to hide yourself. Though it would be from him, which was slightly counter-productive. “You often draw as you hold me.”

“Do I?” Quickly though, his tact moved away from feigning ignorance, as he sighed, “Oh, that. I’m not really drawing, it’s more writing, actually.”

“Oh?”

“I-I do it to the others too…! Whenever they really need it. Though I’ll admit that’s not often,” he explained, his fingers halting as he spoke, “It sounds odd but… well actually quite silly actually…” he laughed breathily, awkwardness seeping into the corners of his eyes as he peered down at you. It was rare for Kun to get this anxious. “I write Mandarin kind of… without realising it,” he finished, “it helps the others and gives them some familiarity I guess? I figured subconsciously, I suppose, that it would help you a bit too? I don’t know really.”

He seemed pretty worried about what you thought—groundless, as you found his habit extremely endearing, actually, to the point you felt your heart swell. “Kun, that’s so sweet! Is it always the same thing for everyone?”

“No,” he answered after a moment’s thought, “I think I kind of write a specific one for each, but I can’t be sure now I think about it. To be honest, I don’t really pay—”

Your curiosity was not sated, and unfortunately for Kun, you couldn’t stop your nosey self from asking the question that this prompted. “Really? What do you write for them?”

“Well, like I said I don’t really pay attention to what I’m doing,” he responded sheepishly, “but… Ten gets ‘strength’, I know that one for sure, because I feel that’s what he has more of than he realises. Sicheng would get ‘ān’—you know, calm, content—because he is, but I've never had the chance to, as you, well, you know why. Lucas is lucky, he gets two characters because he’s ‘puppy’—”

“Obviously.”

He continued with a laugh that reverberated through to your chest. “—A-and I couldn’t honestly tell you what the others get. One of them I gave ‘loud’ because I think that’s what he needs to work on but—”

“I thought Lucas was ‘puppy’?” you snickered.

“Yeah, well,” Kun trailed off, “maybe it was him… I don’t know, I can’t remember.”

You smiled, releasing one of your hands from behind him to nestle instead amongst his hoodie as it had grown cold. You took this moment to work up the courage to enquire about the part that you couldn’t deny your interest was invested in the most. “What… what about me?”

He pulled away from you gradually, his hands coming to rest upon your upper shoulders, so very close to the sensitive parts of your neck. He studied your face, his own twisting into an expression of concern. “You really need to sleep,” he said, “your eyes are constantly closing.”

You pursed your lips at him. What did he have to hide about it? Was it something rude? It better not have been. “Hey!”

He cocked his head to one side. “What? They are. And you’ve had a tough day, you really should get some sleep.”

It was evident that it wasn’t him deflecting or avoiding your question—tiredness had seeped so far into your body that your voice had been barely audible, especially muffled by his clothes.

Hence you acknowledged his remarks reluctantly with a lethargic nod, before shifting yourself out of his grip, billowing the blankets out so as to allow yourself to lie down beneath them. Kun had stood to allow you more space, thus letting you curl up to conserve warmth properly.

He gazed down at you with particularly softened features. It was only in the dim golden light that you noticed how rouge his lips were naturally tinted, and how they curved into a smile as they opened to speak. Or how soft his cheeks were, as a long, slender dimple appeared as he did.

“You got everything you need?” Voice as light as silk, he leant over to catch your eyes behind the bundled blanket. 

You affirmed with a simple nod, feeling your body give into the approaching heaviness. 

You were barely able to work up the effort to speak anymore. The tiredness swept over you suddenly, but you didn’t fight it. Your body was crying for sleep, and your mind very nearly relented. But there was one more thing you had to clear up in some capacity before he left.

“Wait, Kun.”

The man turned back swiftly from where he’d gotten, heading towards the door. “Yes, love?”

You hummed, working up the words. “Something happened while you were out.” Upon seeing his face turn stony in concern again you proceeded before he worried too much. “Nothing bad! Just… Hendery and Yangyang had a bit of a bicker earlier. Over a newspaper? The CP Times? I think? Hendery really seemed to have struck a nerve though.”

Kun nodded, eyebrows furrowing in familiarity. “What happened specifically?”

“Well,” you sighed, propping yourself up on your elbow, as if it would help you think any clearer in your dozy state, “I think it had posted something mean about someone. Or excluded them from something when Yangyang thought they should have been included?”

“Yeah, that’d be the one.” 

Confused, you frowned at him, silently requesting him to continue. 

Kun winced as he drew forward a bit, in fear that the person in question would overhear from down the hall, “The CP Times wrote an article about YFCN—you know, the girl group?”

“Ohhh…” you drawled, things clicking into place a bit more.

“Yeah, one of the members was on hiatus at the time because she was ill, if I remember correctly, but the journalist wrote as if everyone was present and basically ignored her existence entirely. Lili I think her name was?”

You hummed in confirmation, “Does he like Lili a lot?”

Kun waggled his head slightly. “I guess you could say he’s a fan. Why?”

You shrugged, sinking back down onto your pillow, your arm struggling to keep you upright for any longer. “Hendery teased him about liking her, and Yangyang just… got all red and exclaimed ‘I am not in love with her.’ It really did come out of nowhere—and he did back down into himself after. He was totally fine once it had passed, though.”

Glancing back over to Kun, you saw his shoulders slumped ever so slightly, his eyes narrowed in pained thought at instead your blankets. His energy seemed to drop and disperse, just as though he had something he needed to mull over. 

In fact he was suddenly thinking over what you’d told him very carefully. “Did he say it like you said it to me?”

Your eyes trailed away from him as you nodded, fiddling with the covers of your blankets. “Why, do you think he was lying?”

His head flicked up to you at hearing your interpretation. He couldn’t believe you had ignored the emphasis in Yangyang’s words; you were usually so in touch and intuitive with the group’s tones. He excused it though, and waved it off as nothing to further worry about—you’d had a long day, the intricacies of Yangyang’s secrets were not exactly your top priority that evening.

However, this did leave him with a dastardly tantalising opportunity. He could take control of part of the narrative. He could curb some of the risks, even manoeuvre himself into a better position. It disturbed him how big of a part of him actually wanted to seize the chance and bathe in the possible outcomes.

Luckily, his morality immediately crushed those considerations, coupled with a healthy dose of realism. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone, especially you. And that was not the sort of person he wanted to be. Ever. 

Meanwhile you had your own subtle pain to fret over. Its origins were difficult to distinguish, as they always appeared to be that day. If Yangyang had a crush on Lili then it made perfect sense. She was gorgeous and strong—you were familiar with her group’s music, and you could never say you didn’t approve of his choice. She was the lead rapper, and an absolute badass with her own neon-punk style that contrasted so drastically but also gelled so well with the others in her group. It was no surprise he liked her—hell, if you had to choose a bias yourself you would choose her—and so you shouldn’t have been surprised. And, in all degrees, you weren’t. 

No. Instead you were stuck with this uncomfortable pit in your stomach. A swollen stone that weighed just a bit too much for you to dismiss.

“I don’t know,” Kun finally finished, almost making you question yourself if he’d spoken without you even realising, caught up in your own head. He hadn’t, but it made you realise how correct he was in suggesting you go to sleep.

Watching your eyes anxiously wander about the room, he added hastily, “I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. You know how weird those two are sometimes.”

You chuckled softly, and Kun found himself inclining towards you, just to catch a better glimpse of the beautiful sound; only for him to stop himself just before his movement became noticeable.

“Anyway,” he sheepishly started, never intending to ever finish.

You echoed him, before letting yourself take in his face one more time for the night. No matter where or what the lighting was, he was incredibly handsome. 

Settling into your pillow at last, your subconscious finally quelled itself, agreeing at last that it was maybe time to give into that small, tired voice that begged you for rest.

Kun was grateful you were calming down, and as soon as he spotted his relief he felt the fangs of guilt bit into his neck. He didn’t want to leave you in any distress, and so he wanted to stay with you for as long as possible. But he also had his own emotions that were now deciding to not remain in check. And he hated it, but he had to acknowledge that he inevitably needed to be left alone to have his epiphany, and motivate himself into a game plan.

He nodded absentmindedly, straightening up and heading for the lamp on your bedside table. As his fingers flipped the switch and the room was plunged into darkness save for the blade of silver from the hall, his brain stuttered.

He’d wanted to do something for a very long time, and this was the perfect opportunity to do it. In fact it would be a way to get ahead of everything, perhaps. And it wasn’t like there was no evidence for his wishes. You’d already been desperate for a hug from him and him specifically.

But it was if his words were stolen, his movements forced to a halt. 

Was it fair to do anything after all?

He wasn’t sure. 

And so the lights went out, and he felt his feet moving by themselves towards the doorway, arm outstretched instinctively towards the handle, but too early to catch it—away from where he truly wanted it. 

“Goodnight, Kun,” you called after him, watching his retreating silhouette carve a shadow in the light from the hall. He looked so tall and impending all the way over there. It was rare for him to be so tense—in fact, you couldn’t name a single instance where he was this pent up, and the other members could be a real hassle when they wanted to be.

As you began to worry in your sleep-deprived state for him, he reached the door and held it open. His head turned, and he stole a long, gradual glance into the darkness to take in a glimpse of your face. You already had your eyes half closed, cheeks sweet and squished against your pillow as you squinted over to him, waiting for his next move. You looked so adorable wrapped up and surrounded in warmth, and with your hair crowning you, gifting you a makeshift halo, your temple was left exposed and waiting.

But Kun, as he cursed himself numerous times in his head, was a coward.

“Goodnight, love.”

And with that he left the room, leaving the door ajar just how you liked it.

As he trundled to his room not far down the corridor, his knuckles reached up to his chin, and then his lips, where they rubbed uncomfortably hard. 

There would be another time. Surely? He prayed that there would be, and that it was him alone who got the opportunity. But he couldn’t bring himself to believe it. 

Hearing the click of a door from further down, he desperately slipped himself into his room, narrowly failing to avoid Ten’s omniscient eyes as he exited his bedroom.

He didn’t know where the younger was going, and he didn’t want to know, his brain was too preoccupied with other things.

Yet he knew that he knew too much. Ten knew everything. Kun didn’t have any proof, or know for sure, but he had a feeling that the guy thrived off knowledge, things he could perhaps perhaps spin.

No. That was too far. This was all just a strange bout of paranoia.

But he couldn’t deny his disbelief at how all the members never chose Ten as the member they were most afraid of on variety shows. Maybe it was the age dynamic. 

“And there’s no evidence to show that Ten would ever do anything low like that,” he murmured to himself as he closed his bedroom door, “pull yourself together, Kun.”

He let himself exhale all the air that had built up in his lungs.

The conversation overall for him had been around a solid 4 out of 10 in terms of success. Not ideal.

He guessed he had to count his blessings though, that you didn’t apprehend his deflection prior over the characters. The idiot he was. Tracing ‘love’ into your back without even realising.

He was entirely lovesick.

And now he knew he wasn’t the only one, too. Of course he wasn’t. Why he hadn’t realised it sooner was a real challenge to his personally-perceived trait of ‘aware’ that he often took pride in.

It was him, and Yangyang. But was it just those two? His thoughts flipped like a switch, as if the vintage slideshow in his head had changed and had confronted him with nothing more than the purely angelic moving picture of you. Giggling when he had bought you ice cream at the beach, eyes gazing wide up into the grey skies as you’d been caught in a downpour and huddled under his tiny umbrella, the peace upon your features that he had just witnessed. 

He had to come to the conclusion that it was most definitely not just him and Yangyang.

Xuxi? Of course. The kid couldn’t hide anything, and he had seen the way he stared at you 24/7. The optimist in him had just dismissed it because he didn’t want it to be true. There wasn’t a lot he had on the guy. It was purely down to your preference, as he lamented to himself, because there was no way he could compete with Xuxi’s face, his humour, his doting, puppy-love affection. 

The qualities Kun did have were somewhat echoed in Sicheng though, he decided. And was it him too? He was always willing to help you. And just because he kept to himself more… Kun resolved he couldn’t count him out.

And Xiaojun? God, he wasn’t sure, but would he explain to him what he named the hedgehog after? No.

The leader cursed under his breath. He was in trouble to say the least. 

Again, he questioned himself why he was so surprised. You’d been living with them for a while, for efficacy to begin with. And then you’d chosen to stay. It was practically inevitable that since he’d fallen so quick and hard that the others would obviously do so too.

He was left to establish Ten’s involvement, and the diagnostics were hardly in his favour there either.

As he contemplated everything, sitting on his bed with his phone discarded in his hands, the man in question meanwhile barely let himself look away from where the retreating shadow of his leader had stolen away to, so guilty-like. Ten’s gaze was only snatched away by the image of your passed-out face that he caught a peek of through the gap in the door. 

Your beauty glimmered in his mind, a fuzzy image hazed with holy pink. And then he was silently taking the stairs, his mind becoming stuck on the picture of Kun’s eyes that he’d briefly seen before his head ducked away, and now covered his thoughts of you. They were glazed over, his real priorities tucked elsewhere. And as he noted where he’d just come from, and the context for the entire day, it wasn’t difficult for Ten to connect the dots.

He knew.

~~~

AN: here it is. The final piece. look out for the coming Endings!

Also, all film names were randomly generated on a title generator. If they are actually the names of films then they weren’t intended to be.

Ending One - Kun Ending Two - Ten Ending Three - Sicheng Ending Four - Lucas Ending Five - Xiaojun Ending Six - Hendery  Ending Seven - Yangyang

Masterlist

[snusbandxknifewife]

Sticky ficky 5, the one where we get some Jude AngstTM. @coffee-and-corsets said sticky ficky, so @coffee-and-corsets gets some sticky ficky. Hope y’all like my attempt at sticky hand induced tears lol

~~~~~~~~

She’d told him she’d be right back, she’d never even thought that she’d be the target.

She’d planned everything around Oak being the target of the Undersea’s planning. She hadn’t ever considered she’d be in danger.

She was stupid, stupid, stupid. So naïve to leave without backup, so idiotic to think herself above capture, so dumb not to require Cardan save her if she was ever taken prisoner.

What was he doing now? Did he celebrate not having her around? Was Elfhame burning as he and the rest of the Gentry frittered their lives away at some party or another?

Thwip

She frowned at the little sticky hand, blue as the swirling water around her prison, as it smacked half-heartedly against her cell wall. Covered in briny dust from the dried saltwater that also caked her skin, it had long lost all its stickiness.

He’d given it to her at the party, when he’d told her she was wearing a nice dress. Why hadn’t she thanked him then? Why had she only offered a snippish remark and a rude gesture? Was his smile genuine or had it been mocking?

Why had she kept the little blue hand?

She’d held onto it when her guards threw her into the cell. It was all she had left of her life above.

For whatever reason she had kept it originally, she was glad now that she had it. It was all she had left of her sanity. It was all she had left of him.

Thwip

She knew she shouldn’t be crying, that tears would exacerbate her dehydration, but she couldn’t help the way sobs started to wrack her body. It’d been so long since she’d had enough fresh water, food that wasn’t rotten. She knew her guards watched her, knew that she was supposed to be glamoured, knew that she had to eat the slop they give her to keep up her act.

She couldn’t help but weep for when she’d been nothing more than Jude Duarte, Seneschal to the High King of Elfhame, for when her greatest worry was keeping Cardan sober enough to avoid a diplomatic incident.

Thwip

She cursed violently and threw the useless hand across the damp room, so hurt by the way it limply bounced on the sandstone floor that she lashed out and punched the wall.

Blood gushed over her ruined knuckles and she found that, despite her sobbing, no more tears were coming. Her whole body shook from starvation and her head pounded like it was seconds away from cracking open.

Her head hadn’t hurt this badly since the morning after she got drunk in the Court of Shadows. She had no recollection of what happened after she’d made it about halfway through her wine bottle, but she did remember waking up with a pink glittery sticky hand wrapped around her right index finger.

She had spent that morning trying desperately to remember the night previous, because she knew that a sticky hand always meant Cardan was involved, but she couldn’t for the life of her conjure up any reliable memories.

For an hour or two, she had considered simply asking Cardan what had happened, but then she remembered his affinity for smacking her ass and she recalled their night in the chamber behind the throne, and she had decided that maybe she didn’t want to know what drunken antics she was capable of getting up to with a sticky hand and the High King. Any time she’d put more than a second’s thought to the subject after that, her cheeks had grown feverish and she had found herself looking for an excuse to leave.

She had put the pink glittery sticky hand in her bedside drawer, under her favorite nerf gun, and promptly set about doing everything she could to forget about it.

She had succeeded until that very moment.

Jude Duarte, captured Seneschal to the High King of Elfhame, held her crippled hand to her chest and basked in memories of her king. She allowed her thoughts to travel to the way he lounged across his throne, his crown always dangerously tipped to one side. She recalled how he nervously offered her a glimpse of his tail the night she tied him up. Her heart fluttered at the mental image of how he looked, naked to his skin and propped over her on a bench in a secret room behind his throne.

She tried to feel something other than sorrow, and she miserably failed.

Balekin had forced her to kiss him the way she would’ve kissed Cardan. She technically didn’t have to, but she knew what he would’ve expected and she knew he thought her glamoured. When she kissed him the way she’d wanted to kiss the High King, her heart had broken in ways she didn’t even want to consider.

But, left alone with a bleeding hand and a useless children’s toy that only reminded her of the one she missed most, what else did she have to think about?

Her kisses with Cardan had all been full of vitriol, that’s just the way they were with one another. With nothing to do but stare at the wall and imagine, Jude had begun to wonder what it would be like to kiss him with something other than hatred on her lips. How would he have reacted if, that night behind the throne, she had pressed a sweet kiss to his jaw instead of biting a vicious mark into his neck? Would he have held her softer? Would his tail, which had wrapped possessively around her thigh, have delicately caressed up her side instead?

Would she have liked it?

In the pit of her stomach, Jude found herself fearful that she might never find out, that her only chance at a loving embrace had been cruelly ripped from her by the evil elder brother of the man she wished had offered it instead. As time passed, her heart hardened around the idea that she would become just like the drowned ones, that she’d be left down here alone, that Cardan didn’t actually care for her enough to rescue her.

Jude picked the sticky hand up again and wrapped it around the index finger of her left hand, keeping her bloodied right hand to her chest as she tried to drown her thoughts in the mindless target practice that she’d already spent what felt like a lifetime enduring.

Thwip

Thwip

Thwi-ick

The sticky hand caught on a jagged edge of a sandstone block, the ring finger of the little blue hand ripping away and bouncing off into the darkness.

She let her left hand fall into her lap, the sticky hand flopping to the ground like a dead fish.

Broken by Faerie, she thought as her eyes lazily dragged from the hand to her own left ring finger. A thing of mortal creation, not made to last in a world as beautiful and cruel as this.

~~~~~~

I’m trying to decide on the next chapter. Either I can skip straight to Jude-in-exile AngstTM feat. Cardan AngstTM, or I can try my hand at some sticky-hand-induced diet smutTM from their wedding night (I know they didn’t fully do the do but that doesn’t have to mean nothing happened.) so y’all get to help me decide how I use the Sticky Ficky to torture you next lmao. There is nothing this crack fic can’t do y’all I promise I WILL find a way to write in sticky hands.

~~~~~~~

Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks @queen-of-glass @b00kworm @doingmyrainbow @andromeddea

[unaccomplishedwriter]

- s a v i o r -

. Nicholas Scratch x Reader .

Prologue | Part One | Part Two |

{PART THREE}

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t pleasantly surprised.

Actually, you’d still be lying. You were downright gratified.

For the first time, you stepped foot in your very own star domain. It may be unluckier than most others, but it was yours to save, and no one else could take that from you.

And thus, it just had to be Fate that the first face you see when you step foot in Greendale was the very first soul you saved from endless doom.

Unable to keep the wide smile from spreading across your face, you admittedly hasten your steps the second the familiar face across the field settles in your mind. He was just as beautiful as ever, and just as sad it seemed. You felt the strings of your heart tug at the dark miasma drifting around him, but at least it’s not the same as it had been.

You were sure that you’d never see a darker soul than that of Nicholas Scratch when he was possessed by the Devil.

“Nick,” you greeted, your goofy smile falling into a softer, more natural grin. By habit, your hands quickly found their way to his face, a luminescent glow lighting up the features you’ve had ingrained in your mind for months. His smile mirrored your own, along with something else - something curious hidden just beneath the layers of mirth reflecting in his eyes.

“Angel,” he exclaimed shakily, softly. Nick could feel his own heart stuttering in his chest as he tried to come to terms that you were currently in front of him, as real as could be. He brought his hands up to settle comfortably around your wrists, the position as natural to him as the sound of his own name. He briefly thought about the implications of your arrival, but then tossed the thought aside in favor of just relishing in your presence.

Though he hasn’t exactly been in the loop lately, Nick knew his coven wasn’t in the best position. After betraying the Dark Lord, their powers had long since started waning, and with the abrupt arrival of the pagans, the coven is facing actual danger for the first time in who knows how long. The witches were desperately seeking a new source of power - through tricks, a new religion, or otherwise - but Nick...

He honestly didn’t need nor care about it all.

In his time of need, you were the one who appeared and brought him salvation. He hadn’t mentioned you to Sabrina, Prudence, Zelda, or anyone. No one needed to nor deserved to glimpse the intense feelings of devotion he felt for the angel who’d saved him; who only he knew was meant to save all of them. So while the coven panicked and tried everything under the sun to save themselves, Nick was simply anticipating your return to him. 

He’d already seen his Fate, was blessed by her, and knew that with her, everything would be okay.

No one questioned the fact that he disappeared at night, making his way to the same open field to search the stars for a sign. And on the night of the Hare Moon, something told him that the sky would finally reveal what he’d been looking for.

Eyes as wide as they could possibly be, he thought he was seeing things when the sky distorted, and suddenly what seemed like a shooting star shot straight towards the other end of the field. After processing what he was seeing, the blood rushed to his scalp, his chest clenched tightly, and his words got caught in his throat.

He had already known. He had known, but he was still blown away by your arrival.

You were finally here.

And now, with your hands still holding his face and the stars shining above reflecting brightly in your eyes, the peace that he’d been craving ever since he was freed from the demon in his head washed upon him once again.

With your very real presence, his faith in you grew even stronger.

For a long moment, you two just studied each other, smiling like idiots. You, happy to see him safe, and he, happy to see you exist. The moment was so intimate and precious that you could feel tears starting to prick at the back of your eyes, overwhelmed at the pure emotion of the anticipated meeting. You weren’t sure why you had such a strong reaction to this boy, so you told yourself that he was just your very first lost soul worth saving.

Or maybe you just didn’t want to admit any different.

Regardless, Nick didn’t seem to be faring any better as his tears finally broke, and you didn’t hesitate to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer. The two of you stayed like that for what seemed like forever, gently bathing in the moonlight and intoxicating scent of wildflowers.

After some time, you finally separated yourselves and instead settled on the grass below. The moon was exceptionally bright that night, and each flower looked especially pretty as if celebrating alongside it. The field gave off a quiet, serendipitous beauty that seemed suspended in time - a treasured secret between the two of you.

“You’re here to stay?”

Nick finally speaks, eyes, framed under dark lashes, glancing over your face.

You hum in thought, your own eyes squinting in trepidation. To be honest, you weren’t sure how to answer the question. Greendale’s problems certainly couldn’t be fixed in a day, but you also had to leave eventually. 

But only after your work was done.

“Yes,” you breathed, hesitant. “For now.”

You had explained your purpose to the dark-haired male before, so he understood that in the end your presence would only be temporary. Choosing to ignore the throbbing that was most certainly his heart but he felt like came from his very soul - he elected to just hold your hand instead. A comfortable silence settled amongst you once again, before a sudden thought intruded your senses and prompt unnerving, biting guilt washed over you.

“How have you been since...” trailing off, you turned your gaze to bore holes into his face, in the hopes of finding any traces of lingering fear or emotion there. You take note of the way his shoulders tense up, before ultimately releasing with a heavy sigh pouring from his throat as he leaned back into the grass.

You had always deeply regretted they you weren’t strong enough to just pull him directly out of the hellscape he had been suffering in. To you, the reprieve you provided every now and then couldn’t have possibly been enough. No one, or at least definitely not Nick, deserved what he has been put through.

But you were a new Fate after all, and there are few stelas powerful enough to pull off that particular feat alone.

“I’ve been...handling it,” he starts. His eyebrows furrow for a second, before he takes a quick gimpse at your intertwined hands.

“Better now.” He finishes.

You watch him for a moment in thoughtful silence, before asking another question that had been gnawing at you since the first one sprung into your mind.

“And Sabrina?”

Now, there was no way you could have known what happened between him and Sabrina, and there was no way anyone but him could have known your rather large part in it. Even so, Nick still couldn’t keep his face from twitching in slight panic when you of all people actually confronted him about it.

It had taken him a while to understand just how deeply he felt toward you and Sabrina to begin with. Sabrina was connected to his, or rather what used to be, his deity. He prayed to the Dark Lord, sold his soul to the Dark Lord, put his faith in the Dark Lord. He knows that he loved Sabrina, the child of the Dark Lord.

But, as they say, there’s a thin line between love and hate.

Sabrina’s role in his damnation and her connection to the man who tortured him for what felt like eternity wasn’t something he could just ignore, no matter how hard he tried. And when you showed up and challenged what he knew to be actual faith and true trust, he couldn’t help but compare the two relationships to what he had with you.

On one hand was Sabrina and her father, who he gave his very life to and was harmed for it in return.

And on the other hand, was you. An angel-like existence who helped him when you had every reason not to, and even continued to do so. You had to have known that helping him would just piss Lucifer off and make him harder to deal with, but you did it anyway. For the first time in his life, Nick felt truly touched, and learnt what it meant to have someone he could rely on even in his darkest hour.

Lucifer normally shows up at the brink of despair, demanding your soul and eternal servitude in exchange for his help.

You showed up and granted him salvation that he couldn’t have even hoped to have asked for, not even from the false God who had long forsaken someone like him.

And the more deeply he felt towards you, subconsciously the lines blurred even more between his image of Sabrina and the Dark Lord. These feelings finally came to light thanks to the prodding of the satanic remnants left behind in his body, and he said something he couldn't take back to the girl he once loved.

As he felt the warmth continuously spreading across the rest his body from your connected joints, Nick realized that if he were being frank, he was glad he was able to admit how he really felt after it all happened. Before he knew it, he found himself letting out a sheepish laugh, unable to meet your eyes.

“Me and Sabrina broke up.”

Your mind blanked.

Before you could even process, let alone respond to the abrupt statement, the sky suddenly dimmed.

Looking up in alarm, you felt your body humming with anxious energy, a feeling you should only get when the stars in your domain began remapping themselves on a major level.

Something was going wrong.

In the night sky overhead, there was an entire chunk suddenly taken out of the moon. Then another, then another. Nick quickly stood to his feet next to you, before grabbing a hold of your shoulder.

“My coven! They- they were doing a ritual by the moonlight. The pagans...something must of happened!” He exclaimed in a rush, grasping your hand once again and pulling you to your feet.

And as you ran through the forest towards the sound of panicked voices, one thought strayed into your head.

Greendale really seemed like it would be trouble.

Author’s note: I’M SO SORRY! I was wondering why I wasn’t getting any notes for Part 3 and nil I got a little salty and then realized I only posted Part Two publicly and never took Part Three off of private, which it was on for editing. Im an idiot. Pls leave feedback to encourage me guyssss 🥺 I plan on making the chapters longer but I prefer natural endings so some might be shorter than others.