#female programmers

[wikipediapictures]

Elizabeth Betty Ryan

[woman-respecter]

this is an old article but it makes me so mad that i want to cry. how can men be this cartoonishly evil? and how can a woman read this and not have a deep, unending hatred for men? women in stem deserve to kill this guy. badly

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

F1 really loves the one tiniest of baby steps forward and then huge leap backwards routine, doesn't it?

[fitzrove]

Sophia Gorgi as Meg in Love Never Dies, Magdeburg 2024

[autism-corner]

augh....

[eccentricstylist]

Here are some calming winter mandalas I programmed :) Hope you enjoy! In case you wanted to try it yourself, here is a link to my github repository! :)

[nsemkekanews]

'Write for World' graduates 30 females in entrepreneurship and fashion design programme - Nsemkeka

‘Write for World’ graduates 30 females in entrepreneurship and fashion design programme – Nsemkeka Write for World, a youth-led and youth-centred organisation, has graduated participants of a three-month skills development programme. The project saw the 30 young females drawn from the Guan District in the Oti Region go through intensive training in both entrepreneurship and fashion design at no…

[doctorwholikesvsdislikes]

[inspectorspacetimerevisited]

It’s positive that the programme allows female characters to kick arse

instead of always leaving them in distress, waiting for a man to rescue them.

[the-barrel-man]

Carol Shaw autographed Activision Business card from the 1980’s when she still worked there.

[wlwcatalogue]

A Gay Girl's Guide to Takarazuka

L to R: Sagiri Seina, Ouki Kaname, Amami Yuuki, Asumi Rio, Wao Youka, Asaji Saki, Shiraki Ayaka

If you’re queer and into theatre or Japanese media, chances are that you will have heard of all-female theatre company Takarazuka Revue… but it’s also equally likely that you won’t have checked out anything of theirs. For those who are curious but were intimidated by its over 100 years of history, or who just want a quick primer to ease in, click below!

1. Why get into Takarazuka?

L to R: Rei Makoto in Tiara Azul (2024), Yuzuka Rei

For those into androgynous women

As you probably already know, Takarazuka's big selling point is that it's an all-female theatre company where the male characters are played by women. The actresses are expected to continue presenting that way off-stage, which in practice means a lot of handsome women with short hair in binders and men's clothing... Why that might appeal to people who are into androgynous women (or GNC/enby folks) is pretty obvious.

Reality Check:

Sadly, after "graduation" (i.e. leaving Takarazuka), nearly all such actresses will transition into feminine presentation and take on female roles. It's similar to the "lesbian glasshouse" idea in Class S yuri, but for gender non-conformity. That said, there are some notable counter-examples: Shion Yuu and Nanami Hiroki have basically refused to change their presentation after graduating (the latter still frequently plays male characters in both anime and stage productions), and things are more relaxed lower down the rungs too.

L to R: Wao Youka & Hanafusa Mari, Sagiri Seina & Sakihi Miyu

For those into butch/femme pairs

Just as roughly half of Takarazuka's actresses specialise in male roles (otokoyaku/男役), there is another half specialising in female roles (musumeyaku/娘役). On top of that, Takarazuka is split into five different troupes, and for any given production, the male lead and female lead are automatically assigned to that troupe's "top star" (leading otokoyaku) and "top musumeyaku" (leading musumeyaku) - the "top combi".

Unlike leading pairs in other theatrical traditions, the "top combi" concept extends to them being marketed as a pair in interviews, magazine features, TV programmes, etc. Just watch the mini TV special where Sagiri Seina and Sakihi Miyu visit Tokyo Skytree and Sumida Aquarium-- it's basically a date, and is described as such by the commentating TV announcer. Likewise, Wao Youka and Hanafusa Mari were interviewed about being a "golden combi" by women's magazine Fujin Kouron (though to be fair this was after they had, improbably, managed to win a Kikuta Kazuo Theatre Award - an award for individuals - jointly, for their "splendid performance as a combi" in 2004's Boxman).

Taken to its extreme, there have been cases where the Japanese public have been convinced that a top combi was dating, as with the immensely popular 1980's pair Daichi Mao and Kuroki Hitomi... It's no wonder that the actresses themselves frequently describe it as being like an arranged marriage.

Separately, due to certain reasons, it's practically part of the job description for top musumeyaku to adore their top star partners. This, in theory, inadvertently creates a safe space for any top musumeyaku who could be gay for their stage partners... Just to illustrate, during her graduation speech, Hinami Fuu repeatedly referred to her feelings for her top star partner Hokushou Kairi as koi (恋), a word specifically denoting romantic love, and nobody blinked an eye.

Reality Check:

Due to conservative attitudes in both Japan and Takarazuka itself, most actresses go on to marry men, including many of those named above. Vanishingly few are publically out, though former otokoyaku Higashi Koyuki (stage name Aura Maki) is a queer activist and was one half of the first same-sex couple to be married in Japan, and another former otokoyaku, Misuzu Aki, has been living with her female partner in Europe for years. Just, well, don't forget that being married to a man isn't necessarily evidence of heterosexuality.

L to R: Asumi Rio in The Poe Clan (2018), Sagiri Seina in Rurouni Kenshin (2016)

For lovers of anime and manga

Takarazuka is probably best-known as the inspiration behind Revolutionary Girl Utena, Revue Starlight, Kageki Shoujo, and Sailor Moon’s Haruka and Michiru, but did you know that it also inspired seminal works featuring androgynous female leads such as Princess Knight? If you enjoy “prince-type” characters in yuri, you’ve got them to thank

Apart from inspiring anime and manga, Takarazuka also does quite a few animanga adaptations itself! Most famous are their Rose of Versailles musicals, but other popular adaptations include Ace Attorney, Rurouni Kenshin, Lupin III, Boys Over Flowers, and Hagio Moto’s bishounen vampire vehicle The Poe Clan. They’re also doing a Castlevania musical this year!

Wao Youka & Hanafusa Mari in Phantom (2004)

For the theatre nerds

Female Phantom of the Opera, duh

Jokes aside, Takarazuka’s unique position in the theatre world can't be overstated. As a rule, all-female productions are either smaller-scale, one-offs dependent on the work, or part of a theatrical tradition completely separate to Western-style plays or musicals (hello, Chinese Yue opera). Takarazuka is the exception: it offers productions comparable in size and scale (and budget) to the largest West End and Broadway musicals - it just so happens that it's all-female.

If the all-female aspect doesn’t excite you then why are you here, then let me emphasise again: Takarazuka is totally worth checking out as a production company in its own right. It is very much a part of the broader Japanese musical industry, and one of its powerhouses at that. Just take a look at some of these clips from past productions (all around 5 mins or less):

(a) Maeda Keiji - a musical loosely inspired by real-life samurai Maeda Keiji; features an uncannily convincing horse performed by two people in costume which needs to be seen to be believed (b) Ephemeral Love - a period piece about the doomed love between Prince Rudolph of the Hapsburgs and his lover Marie Vetsera (c) The Man Who Never Sleeps - a biographical musical about Napoleon Bonaparte (d) Casino Royale - an adaptation of the 2006 James Bond movie of the same name (e) BADDY - an off-the-wall sci-fi comedy featuring loads of velvet suits, silly shellfish outfits, and queerness.

Wao Youka and Hanafusa Mari in Dracula (2011)

2. Random Queer-ish Trivia

It's pretty common for former otokoyaku to be cast in WLW roles: Sena Jun headlined the 2018 Japanese production of Fun Home, Otozuki Kei cameoed as a lesbian escort in 2022 LGBTQ-themed J-drama Kojinsa Arimasu, and Seto Kazuya played the owner of a lesbian bar in 2024 yuri J-drama Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko. (Incidentally, Sal Jiang, the original creator of Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko, has mentioned being a fan of Sena Jun when she was younger)

Otokoyaku are sometimes mistaken for men, with amusing results: Yuzuka Rei was thought to be a “host” by a passer-by while talking to her fans, and Houshou Dai has mentioned being hit on by a woman before. But the prize goes to Todoroki Yuu, who like many women once had to rebuff unwanted advances from a man—except in her case, he thought that she was a guy

Before entering Takarazuka, Sou Kazuho – eventual Snow Troupe top star – went to a co-ed school and had long hair. To her confusion, this didn’t stop her classmates from asking her to play a male character (possibly the male lead, IIRC) in the school play. They saw her as an otokoyaku even before she did!

Continuing with the high school theme, former Cosmos Troupe top star Wao Youka has boasted about how in her high school days, she received more Valentine’s chocolates than her brother, and in fact second-most out of her year. Important note: she went to a girls’ school

Speaking of Wao Youka, her 2011 Dracula (see photo above) - from @cryoverkiltmilk's “Cunt Dykecula” post - wasn't actually a Takarazuka production! Since Wao was acquainted with and later married its composer Frank Wildhorn, some assume he was the one to cast her, and that Hanafusa Mari was brought in due to being her old stage partner. But Wildhorn had wanted Wao to play the female lead. It was she who insisted on Dracula. And Hanafusa wasn't just a third party... she had been Wao's manager since 2007, having retired from the stage after graduating and only just returned with 2010's Dietrich. (She played Edith Piaf, legendary chanson singer and “very good friend” of bisexual icon Marlene Dietrich, played by Wao.) Dracula was the swan song for their partnership, with Hanafusa going on to conquer the Japanese musical industry as she had Takarazuka-- but it marked the first, and so far only, time a top combi performed as romantic partners after graduating.

On a separate note, renowned queer photographer Leslie Kee has been responsible for taking the cover portraits for Takarazuka's offical monthly publication Kageki (歌劇) since 2010. You should definitely check out his ongoing "Out in Asia" project – he's taken literally thousands of photos of out queer people in Japan, Singapore, and Taiwan in a bid to raise visibility

Lastly, in November 2015, Takarazuka City became the first Japanese city outside of Tokyo to announce its support for same-sex partnerships�� though this may of course be a total coincidence.

Flower Troupe in Takarazuka Fantasia (2015 Taiwan tour)

3. Where to Start?

Nearly all Takarazuka shows since the 1990's are available on DVD (earlier ones are on VHS), and these recordings are very well done - they have great video and audio quality, are well-edited, and use a large number of camera angles

They do livestreams and live broadcasts of performances as well! You can watch a livestream from your mobile or PC by spoofing your location. For a more communal experience, if you're in Japan, Taiwan, or Hong Kong, you can catch live broadcasts of Grand Theatre performances at a local cinema

VODs of selected productions are available on various platforms, including Amazon Japan, though this still requires location spoofing. If you're actually living in Japan, you can also consider subscribing to Takarazuka's official TV channel (yes, that's a thing) Sky Stage - they do a lot of reruns of past performances

With that done, here are several recommendations if none of the productions mentioned throughout the post caught your eye!

(a) Elisabeth - Michael Kunze and Sylvester Levay's musical about Empress Elisabeth ("Sisi") of Austria and the fall of the Hapsburg Empire, featuring an (inevitably very sexy) personification of Death and fantastic music. Takarazuka has done many, many productions of this, so just search them and pick whichever looks most appealing - but you won't go wrong with the 2014 Flower Troupe production, which has a very strong cast and a more refined version of the staging

(b) Phantom - Arthur Kopit and Maury Yeston's adaptation of Phantom of the Opera. Though obviously not the ALW version, the music is actually pretty great and Takarazuka goes all-out on the costumes and stage magic. All the productions are wonderful, but my favourite is the original 2004 version (which is also the one which went viral on Tumblr before - thanks, @wheel-of-fish!)

(c) Rose of Versailles - no list would be complete without Takarazuka's representative work, buuut I wouldn't necessarily recommend starting here if you're looking for a typical musical experience. There are loads of productions to choose from - note that these are split between a version focused on protagonist Oscar, and another focused on Marie Antoinette and her lover Fersen - but the 1991 Moon Troupe production is my personal pick

(d) Casanova - a light-hearted romp in which Casanova is reimagined as a charming playboy who falls for the feminist-minded daughter of Venice's mayor... only, she doesn't know his real identity. The very catchy music was commissioned from Dove Attia, the producer behind French musicals Mozart, l'opera Rock and 1789: Les Amants de la Bastille. Check out the performance digest here!

(e) Shinjuu: Koi no Yamatoji - Takarazuka puts Chikamatsu Monzaemon's tale of the doomed love between a commoner and a courtesan to a classic rock score (see this clip!). An Edo-era work that doesn't just focus on samurai and nobility, this romantic tragedy offers a grounded look at the social pressures of the time. (Though if you do want to watch something focusing on Japanese nobility, I highly recommend Takarazuka original and guaranteed tearjerker Hoshiai Hitoyo.) There are quite a few productions of this, but I've only watched the 2014 Snow Troupe one, which was very good.

Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to DM me or send an ask if you have any questions~ I definitely want to do a follow-up post on musumeyaku, and maybe delve into Wao and Hanafusa's history (it's messy, but fascinating)... but we'll see!

[yuriwarrior]

hate it when people call ada lovelace the first female programmer, when in reality she was the first programmer ever. she wrote programs for a machine before it was ever constructed

[estebanbicon]

este supporting a programm for students to show their mechanical skills, having a chance at an internship at alpine for years

este supporting the race(h)er programm and f1 academy, including him praising female drivers like abbi pulling, doriane pin, lisa billard, and bianca bustamante

este supporting queer rights, wearing a rainbow bracelet, proudly sharing the alpine rainbow livery and talking about how important it is

este supporting sick children, phoning them in hospitals and participating in les enfoires, petits princes and other charities

just. este supporting those with less privilege because he knows exactly what it feels like

[restlessmaknae]

love 119 // anton

You and Anton are an unlikely combo. He's a professional swimmer, and you write for the school magazine. One interview with him leads to a series of consequences including asking him to prepare you for the school's swimming competition, and ultimately, falling in love with him.

➳ Characters: swimmer!Anton x school magazine writer!female reader/you

➳ Genre: high school au, boarding school au, rich kids au, comedy, fluff

➳ Words: 7.2k

➳ Warning: mentions of food, reader feels insecure about being 'average' at school, they are both down bad but oblivious until the very end

➳ A/N: This story is part of my KOZ International High series, but can totally be read on its own as it's Anton's own story.

Attending KOZ International High was like watching those movies where they send a misbehaved child to a boarding school in a different country, only for her to experience many culture shocks alongside many unfortunate events that come with living on her own for the very first time. Except that you weren’t a misbehaved child, just a girl whose parents had the money to send her abroad, and a good enough student to actually make it.

Freshman year was living hell for you. You were away from your home, your friends, and even your cute little dog. There was no one else in your whole year who came from your country, so you couldn’t befriend them on your very first day when you heard their name, unlike Heidi and Frida who both came from Germany. You had a national swimming champion, a Youtuber, an app developer, a worldwide known pianist and even a chess champion at your school alongside many students who had won different competitions in many different subjects.

Going from being the top of your class back in your home country to being an average student here - because average here still meant you performed constantly above 85% in all subjects - was rough. Being away from the familiar, your safe spaces and cosy spots and from all the people you knew at the ripe age of 15 was also rough. You felt like you had existential crises for the first few months every single day, and you didn’t know what happened or what day it was, but you just calmed down after a while.

Afterwards, you decided to take advantage of being at this school, and just enjoy the perks it had. You went to the on-site gym, you joined conversations in the communal kitchen of the student hall, you befriended one of your classmates - Dew from Thailand who was an impossibly tall yet shy guy - and you applied for the school magazine at the end of freshman year, and successfully got in.

So from sophomore year, you were a part of the school magazine team that published articles online about students, their achievements, school events but also local news, programmes and initiatives. You didn’t have to stick to just one section, but Minju and Yunah liked writing about local news, so it was kind of like their topic now. At first, you only wrote about school events, but then, you had the opportunity to conduct an interview with Anton Lee from the other class who was in the national swimming team.

However, since he was not from your class, you didn’t really know him or what he looked like, but you didn’t want to be a stalker and message him on social media (though for that to happen, you needed his ID first, and no Anton Lee on Instagram looked like it could be a 16-year-old swimming champion). So you tried your luck in the sports centre which had two giant swimming pools, and as far as you were informed (by Andrew who was on good terms with the guys from the other class), Anton usually practiced here after classes, even on weekends.

What you didn’t expect was to see five different guys and two more girls taking advantage of the swimming pool when you walked into the place in your flip-flops (no outside shoes were allowed). How the hell were you supposed to find Anton? You thought that it would be just him on this fine weekend, but alas, maybe you were the only one who didn’t like swimming that much.

You stood there, totally out of place, until one of the boys emerged from the water, and you decided to walk up to him. Or more like waddle up to him like a penguin, trying not to slip and fall into the water, especially when you saw how defined his abs were. Even though you had swimming classes in freshman year, so you saw boys in their swimwear, you definitely didn’t prepare yourself for this…

“Hi!” You gave him a little wave with your hand, gaining his attention. “Sorry to bother you, but have you happened to see Anton today?” You tried with a friendly smile, but the boy just stood there in front of you, not saying a word. It was difficult to decipher how he was feeling because he was wearing dark-coloured swim goggles, so you couldn’t see his eyes even if he was rolling them at you or not. “Anton Lee?” You tried again in case he didn’t know whom you meant.

You started to feel very weird at this point, but then, the boy got rid of his cap and his goggles, revealing a soft set of eyes and a somewhat confused expression.

“I’m Anton,” he broke it down to you in a soft voice, and you gasped a bit. Oh… so that explained the defined abs part. Right, a national swimming champion could have that.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know what you look like,” you explained with a bit of an awkward giggle. Anton’s lips curled into a polite smile, but you could feel that it was a bit forced. Oh right, you should say why you were there!

“I’m Y/N, I write for the school magazine, and we want to interview you for next month’s installment. Would you be up for it?”

The boy looked back at you as if he had never been asked to give an interview even though you were sure that he had given dozens of interviews. At least, that’s what you could imagine with him being on the national team.

“Uhmm… sure,” he half-said, half-asked at this point, and you weren’t sure whether it was out of politeness or not, but you were thankful that he didn’t send you away.

“Cool,” you nodded excitedly, giving him a wide smile. He just looked back at you, and you realised that he had no phone on him, so you couldn’t ask him to exchange contacts. Ah, you should have thought it through before marching up here and asking him if he wanted to do an interview. “I’ll contact you with the details. I’ll come by your classroom… or something like that.

“Okay,” he nodded, water dripping down from his hair.

Since there was no coach around, he must have been practising alone, and you applauded his dedication. You had never stuck with any sport for a long enough time to call it anything serious, and now, you just went to the gym and joined the cardio classes that the school organised, but sometimes even those seemed like a waste of time. You couldn’t imagine how anyone would go through years doing the same sport, building up their performance, but here was a living proof in front of you whose chest you tried so hard to not glance at. Not just because you would be embarrassed but because you had a feeling that he would be, too.

“Okay. I won’t keep you up any longer. Thanks for your time! See you around, I guess,” you blurted out in one-go, and turned around to walk away from him. You were halfway towards the door when you almost slipped, but managed to recover without falling headfirst and making an even bigger fool out of yourself.

Gosh, what a way to make a first impression!

To be very honest, sophomore year went by in a blink of an eye now that the world (or at least the campus) opened up for you a little bit more than before.

You wrote articles for the school magazine, hang out with Dew on campus or off-campus (asking for your parents’ permission, of course, as it was mandatory for underage students when leaving school grounds), kept your friends from home up-to-date with everything that was going on in your life, focused on your studies but also tried out a few activities to see what you actually enjoyed. You even took part in an English Literature competition as well, but didn’t make it to the finals, so there’s that. Your interview with Anton became the article with the most views during the whole school year, so you got a cute little pin by the other members of the school magazine.

When junior year rolled by, the school was in a frenzy because it was about to organise a national swimming competition for the first time in the school’s history. Most students had to take part in the organisation one way or another like printing out timetables, decorating the sports centre, welcoming guests and competitors alike and directing them in the right direction of the campus, or distributing the competition’s merchandise at stalls. The swim meets would be held over the weekend, but due to the preparations, the Friday before was a short school day with classes only until 1pm. Thankfully, since the school magazine was to cover the whole event, you didn’t need to take on more work, you just needed to be there, take pictures and interview people.

You, specifically, had been assigned to interview Anton yet again, but after last time, you had his KKT ID, so you could ask him about the details. You asked him a few questions the day before the competition, and when you inquired if his parents would come to see him, you were a bit surprised to find out that they still lived in New Jersey. Not that you knew his whole bio, but for your first interview, you had gotten to know that his parents were both Korean, but moved to the States before he was born. You assumed that they came back to Korea with him, but it seemed that it wasn’t the case, and for some reason, you found it quite disheartening.

So much that when you were sitting in the spectator area, waiting for the boy and his opponents to walk into the arena for the final heat (because Anton, of course, made it to the finals), you turned to Sullyoon who came to take pictures with you for the school magazine, and asked her:

“Is it okay if I take a video of Anton while you take pictures?”

The girl looked a bit perplexed for a moment, probably not knowing why you suddenly changed your mind. However, she wasn’t one who was too interested in others’ business, so she nodded a few seconds later.

“Sure. It’s fine with me.”

“Thanks,” you beamed, smiling to yourself as you turned back just in time to see the boy walk up to his lane accompanied by his coach. He got rid of his jacket by his chair, exchanged a few words with his couch, and started warming up.

It wasn’t the first time you had seen him swim that day, but somehow, because it was the finals, you felt more nervous. You were aware that he was really good, but still… He seemed calm though, but coming to think of it, he usually seemed calm albeit a bit too shy for someone who was considered famous and popular at school. Sure, the members of the school’s first and only band - consisting of Taesan, Yechan, Gyuvin and Jungwon - were probably the most popular boys in your year, but before they rose to the school-level stardom, Anton was probably the most popular one in your year.

Not that you cared too much about popularity, and he didn’t seem to do so either, he was too busy practising. Though he did practise at school too, he had his coach-led sessions outside of the school, so after classes, he was often seen leaving school grounds, only coming back later at night. You sometimes caught sight of him in the corridor at the student hall, but you didn’t interact a lot, just a few hellos here and a few good nights there. Since he wasn’t in your class, sometimes you wondered if he was as shy around his classmates as he was around you, or maybe it was just because you were a girl.

“Y/N, aren’t you recording?” Sullyoon’s voice brought you back to reality, and you hastily murmured a ‘thanks’ before averting your eyes to the swimming pool where the boy already stood on his block, getting into position.

You unlocked your phone, and turned it horizontally to get the whole view of the pool. Then, you pushed the red button a few seconds before the starting signal was given, and off they went. It was an individual freestyle heat, and it didn’t even take a minute to finish, but it felt so long because you were watching him so intensively, your eyes following him in his lane. He wasn’t in the lead at first, but when he turned around, he quickly diminished the distance between him and the top two swimmers.

“That’s it,” you mumbled under your breath. It was silly, you knew, he couldn’t hear you after all, but it didn’t mean that you didn’t cheer for him loudly when he came in first place.

The arena erupted in loud cheers and applause as everyone was happy to see one of the students win in his category. However, since the girls’ final was still left, you couldn’t move from your place to ask him about his experience. For the school magazine, of course, nothing else.

After the competition came to an end, there was a 30-minute break before the start of the winning ceremony which would be held in the event hall a few minutes away from the sports centre. So you took that time to seek out Anton after checking with him through Kakaotalk that he was free and willing to answer a few of your questions.

The boy’s hair was still half wet when you met him on a bench halfway between the canteen and the student halls. The hustle bustle of the event didn’t reach this side of the campus, but it was still close enough, so he wouldn’t miss the ceremony.

“Hey!” You beamed when you saw him sitting there by himself, his eyes fixated on his phone. He changed into sweatpants and a loose tee, but he still wore his flip-flops. You couldn’t tell whether it was because he forgot to change or because he liked it that way.

“Hi!” Anton greeted you back as he looked up, his lips curling into a half-smile. You could tell that he was tired, but you only had a few questions, so you wouldn’t keep him up too long.

“Congratulations! You did really well. I was truly impressed how you went from third to first place in a matter of seconds,” you shared excitedly, but he just let out a shy little giggle.

“Well… thanks,” he mentioned as he scratched the back of his neck. You just smiled at each other awkwardly until you pulled out your notebook and started asking the questions from him, recording everything on your phone. It was a mere three minutes, so it didn’t take long, but before you would let him go his way, you sent him the video of the finals.

“I’ve taken it, so your parents could see it,” you justified when he just looked back at you with wide, curious eyes. He looked at you as if he couldn’t decipher why you would do such a thing for him even though you thought it wasn’t a big deal. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and when he opened it again, his voice was even softer than usual.

“Thanks. That’s… that’s very kind of you,” he admitted, his words uncertain but genuine.

“Anytime,” you shot him a friendly smile before getting to your feet and bidding goodbye. You had to go back to fetch Sullyoon either way.

Your interview with Anton - compiling questions for him before and after his win at the competition - became the article with the most views again, something that you didn’t fail to share with him when it was announced. You couldn’t say that you were friends as per se, but you did ask how his practice went when you bumped into him at the student hall later at night, and he did ask you about how you had been when you met each other by accident in the school corridor. You knew he already had a lot on his plate, so you didn’t seek out his company more than it was necessary, but you still sent stuff his way when something reminded you of him.

However, that did change when senior year rolled by. With the third week of the new term starting came the announcement of the random draw for the annual sports day. KOZ International High’s sports day was your school’s version of ISAC, and even though you were all coming from influential families and all the students had probably enough money to attend the Olympics games in the VIP section, no one complained about the event. In fact, it was all the school magazine and school radio could talk about for weeks, and everyone tried to put effort into practising for their own games to not lose face.

Each year, all the classes participated in four different categories - mixed 4x100 m relay, archery, swimming and dance -, going up against one another within each year. The only category that allowed students to sign up for was dance as only groups could participate, and they needed to be formed in time to seem somewhat professional. Each year, this was the competition everyone was looking forward to the most since usually professional dancers signed up - like Baekseung, Minwoo and Haruto who always won the dance category in your year. For all the other categories, there was a random draw during homeroom where your teacher announced who would be participating in which category. 

This year, Anton didn’t get selected for swimming unlike last year, but you did. You had been selected for relay twice and archery last year, so this was new. Though you knew how to swim and you actually had swimming lessons in freshman year, your competitive side didn’t let you practise just like everybody else now that you were on speaking terms with Anton. So you asked the boy if he could help you prepare for the competition.

“What do you need help with? Technique, breathwork, nutrition or…?” The boy looked at you expectantly when you asked him about helping you out, and you suddenly realised that you had been so wrong that this would be easy, that your request would be obvious.

“Weeeelll, maybe a bit of everything?” You chuckled nervously. “I really want to win this, so whatever can get me there,” you added with a shrug, and Anton seemed slightly amused but also… endeared? Was that the right word for the look he gave you?

Either way, the boy agreed. You thought that he would just watch you swim once to see where you were and what you needed to work on, but he kept asking you when you would practise, so he could come by. He couldn’t always make it because of his own schedule, but he did show up frequently, giving you tips about your posture, technique, timing and little things that you would have not considered paying attention to before (like your post-workout meal).

He was firm in the way he explained certain things, but he was gentle when it came to show you what he meant, especially when he needed to touch you to correct the angle of your arms or the way you turned your head. You could see that swimming was truly his passion, and he was enthusiastic about helping you out, so he probably didn’t think too much into such tutoring, but there were moments when your faces were so close or his skin touched your skin a bit longer than absolutely necessary, and you felt nervous and giddy and warm all at once. He probably did so too because he stuttered or looked away or asked for a break at times like this.

It was usually late at night when you practised in the pool, so there weren’t other students around, and you tried not to be too self-conscious about this whole thing. However, when Andrew came by to practise for his own competition, and you could feel his eyes on you two for a few minutes in the beginning, you felt a bit nervous.

However, when you asked Anton about it after practice that day, sitting on the edge of the pool, your feet grazing the edge of the water, he said that he wasn’t bothered by it.

“Can I ask you something though?” He inquired, looking at you with those curious brown eyes, and you nodded, prompting him to go on.

“Please, don’t take this the wrong way… but why do you want to win the competition so bad?”

“Fair question, really,” you chuckled, airy and light, but sucked in a deep breath before jumping into your explanation. It’s not like it was something to be ashamed of, but you still felt a bit silly for feeling this way. Either way, he deserved to know the truth in exchange for his help.

“I just… I don’t really feel like I’m good at anything here. You know, back in my home country, I was the top student in my class, and at the whole school, too. Here, I’m pretty much average, and as much as I want to say that it doesn’t bother me, it does. There’s always someone who’s better at me in literally everything, so I get joy out of winning anything. Even if it’s our sports day.”

You weren’t sure how someone like Anton who was known for being on the national team would understand what you were feeling, but he seemed to know just the right thing to say.

“You’re good at writing for the school magazine and interviewing people,” he pointed out, his words oozing sincerity. When he looked at you like that and sounded like that, you really did feel good about yourself, but you weren’t sure if he was just trying to make you feel better or he really thought so.

“That’s nice of you to say, but the others are also really good. Minju even won a literary competition.”

To that, he couldn’t say anything. It was a fact. Ever since you had been admitted to KOZ International High, you hadn’t won a single competition. Not that it should have mattered, your parents were happy as it is, but still… going from being known for being smart and an overachiever to being average… it hurt a bit.

“To me, you are the kindest girl I’ve ever met,” the boy confessed gently, quietly, like a secret shared just between you two. “In that sense, you are the first one on my list.”

His words felt warmer than the towel around your body, and you were sure that if you had not just come out of the water a few minutes ago, a blush would surely be creeping onto your face, mirroring your emotions in an obvious way.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he nodded confidently, but you could see that he was also a bit shy with the way he bit down on his lower lip. A habit that you had picked up on before, but up until now, it didn’t make your heart race.

“But you’ve met so many people, right? I mean, you are an athlete.”

“While it’s true that I’m usually surrounded by a lot of people, I don’t actually know them or take notice of them. For instance, when I’m swimming, I focus on the water, the pool and my body. Nothing else,” he shared willingly, his eyes watching the waves his feet made on the surface of the water. “In a way, a lot of people watch me, but they don’t see me. If that makes sense,” he added a bit belatedly, his voice soft as ever.

You’ve never really thought about his swimming career that way. You’ve thought that he met a lot of people and made a lot of friends and connections, but what he was saying made perfect sense. It also made you feel a bit disheartened because after everything he must have been lonely. His parents didn’t come to see him compete, there was always a buzz around him even if he didn’t want it, and he focused on swimming, nothing else.

This thought made you feel even more thankful because he carved time out of his busy days to help you out, and now he even called you the kindest girl he had ever met.

“They don’t see the real you, I get it,” you hummed, slightly shivering at the way his eyes found yours. “I’m glad that I can see the real you though,” you blurted out without thinking ahead, without thinking at all. It was like you were under a spell; locked down, locked in, unable to move.

In that moment, with the melody of Anton’s coy little giggle accompanying you in the swimming arena, you realised what this feeling meant.

You were in love.

You were both nervous and excited for the sports day.

Swimming was at the end of the day because you had the relay runs first, followed by archery and dancing. You went out to watch the competitions, but since they hired a professional photographer for the event, the school magazine members didn’t need to take pictures. Instead, you enjoyed the event, rooted for Dew in the relay run (and with his impossibly long legs, his team won) and Sullyoon and Minju in dancing. You even checked out archery where Anton came in second place after Carlos.

Then, there was a lunch break and the juries for dancing decided on the ranking before announcing the winners as part of the first winner’s ceremony of the day. The involved students and those who were curious then moved to the arena where each year had its swimming competition for the boys and girls alike. Since you went in class order, the seniors were last, and by the time it was your time to get ready, you had been all nerves.

You didn’t expect Anton to be waiting for you in the corridor between the changing rooms and the pools because he had already sent you a good luck message on Kakaotalk (and you had congratulated him on his second place in archery). However, you couldn’t deny that the sight of the boy was enough to put your mind at ease. For a little while, at least.

“Hi!” Anton greeted you with a friendly smile as you halted in front of him, your sports bag thrown over your shoulder. “I just wanted to come by and see how you were doing.”

“Oh, I’m fine. I’m just…” You let out an awkward little chuckle, suddenly all too aware that your voice was anything but stable. “Okay, I’m gonna be honest. I’m very, very nervous,” you added, biting down on your lower lip. It wasn’t even something that would be marked or kept in your school records, and yet, your heart was pounding so loudly, you were slowly going crazy.

“It’s all okay. I get nervous before competitions, too,” the boy admitted, somewhat of a fond smile playing along his lips while he was looking down at you. You looked back at him, suddenly finding it hard to breathe - not just because of his words, but because of his close proximity. Before, you were rarely aware how close he was, but these last few weeks, that’s all you could think about.

Gosh, you were so gone…

“You do?”

“Yeah, it’s totally normal. Plus, studies say that adrenaline can actually improve performance,” he explained as an attempt to ease your nerves, and you found yourself smiling for the first time in a while.

“No matter what happens, thanks a lot for helping me out. I owe you a whole lot,” you admitted, and playfully nudged his shoulder. You could see that the boy was a bit taken aback by that, but a few seconds later, his features softened even more than already, and his voice was even quieter than usual.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Anton disagreed gently. His eyes were twinkling with care, the lines of his lips deepening his dimples, a sight that made your heart race. Not out of nervousness, but out of this newly bloomed warm and comforting yet thrilling feeling.

You just stood there in the corridor, looking at each other in silence, getting lost in each other’s eyes. This moment was so precious, you wanted to tuck it into your pocket and never let it go. Yet, life moved on around you even if you were still, and the door to the pools opened, the quiet corridor suddenly filled with laughter and chatter.

Suddenly self-conscious, you mumbled something akin to:

“I should probably go. To get changed and to warm up.”

“Yeah, sure,” the boy nodded, but before you could go your way, he reached out to gently pat your head. Only once and only briefly, but you felt electrified from head to toe either way. “Good luck, Y/N! I’m rooting for you!”

And off he went, his cheeks tinted pink, and as you watched him leave, your hands automatically reached for the top of your head where his hand had previously been. You were woken from your stupor only when Dew showed up and started asking what was that between you and Anton. Though you had told Dew how you had been practising with Anton’s guidance, you had never touched upon how you felt around the swimmer.

“I really don’t know,” you blurted out in all honesty, and Dew looked back at you, all confused. “Do boys act like that with just anyone?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then, why do you think he did that?” You asked, hoping that the Thai boy could help you. He was a boy after all, he should know better. On the other hand, Dew merely shrugged his shoulders.

“My guess would be that he likes you, but don’t ask me about stuff like that. I’ve never had any luck with girls,” he justified before you could ask him (rightfully so) whether boys patted a girl’s head that they liked. You thought that maybe having a guy friend would help with your feelings, but it seemed like it couldn’t have been further from the truth.

Either way, Dew wished you good luck before he left, but all you thought about was Anton and the way he patted your head. Even when you entered the arena later on, you tried to search for him in the spectator area, but to no avail. There were just too many people, and now it made perfect sense why he said that he was surrounded by a lot of people, but he didn’t take note of them or concentrate on them.

So you did the same, and as you stepped onto your block, you took in a deep breath. You mentally played back all the advice the boy had given you, and told yourself that you would do great. Positive affirmations and all that.

After the starting signal, your body moved on auto-pilot. You were so caught up in the moment that you didn’t think, just swam and swam, and gave it your all. You now understood what people meant by your surroundings becoming a blur when something happened so fast because it was over before you knew it.

As you emerged from the water at the end of your lane, you took in a few deep inhales before your eyes found the announcement board. You scanned the screen, but your brain couldn’t comprehend the result, not until Daniela in the lane to your right came up to you to congratulate you.

“Congrats, Y/N!”

“Thanks,” you mumbled, still in a daze because… You looked back at the screen, and oh my gosh, you came in first! You did it! You were the winner in your year!

No one was faster than you to get out of the pool and dry yourself, get changed before heading out with your hair still half-wet, searching for a familiar pair of chocolate-brown eyes. You almost gave up when you spotted him just where he had been before he had wished you good luck.

To be honest, you were in a state of heightened excitement that couldn’t be contained, so you weren’t really in your right mind when you ran up to him and just outright hugged him. He was taller than you, so you momentarily pressed your head against his chest in the embrace, and thought it felt odd and new and everything in between, it also felt so right.

You almost let go of the boy when you noticed how still he was, but then, he had his arms around you (uncertain, gentle yet still there), and whispered, so only you could hear:

“You did really well, Y/N!”

And though it was brief and a bit awkward, it was equally heart-fluttering, and even if you tried to deny that you hugged him because you liked him and not because you were thankful for his help, you were lying.

You were oh so gone.

You still couldn’t get over everything that happened on the sports day, but now that you weren’t practising together and you didn’t need to interview him, you didn’t need to face him over the next few days. It helped a bit because your heart was jumping up and down in joy whenever you thought about his words, his head pat and that hug, and you felt like you could burst with all the different kinds of feelings that he brought out in you.

On the other hand, you promised him right after that impromptu hug that you would like to treat him to something as a token of appreciation for his help, and he didn’t protest. So you settled on the following Saturday, but it seemed like time slowed down because every day dragged on, and it was still not Saturday.

Dew even pointed out that though he was no love expert, you really acted like a girl in love (based on the movies and shows he was watching), and you couldn’t deny it anymore. There were even students who came up to you, asking if you were dating Anton because they had seen you two hugging after the competition. You shooed them away, saying that you were just thankful for him because he had helped you prepare for the competition.

You didn’t want to admit it to strangers, of course, but you also didn’t want them to make up rumours about your relationship. Or well, possible relationship. You didn’t ask Anton if he was approached by the same students, and you didn’t want to admit something that maybe only you felt, putting him in a tough spot.

However, you couldn’t deny that you felt like this encounter would be different… like a date or something. It would be the first time you leave school grounds with Anton, and you knew that he only went out for his practices and the necessities he needed. Though you hang out with Dew off-campus, it was different, he really was just a friend, and you were both clear about that.

Therefore, you spent an ungodly amount of time deciding on an outfit because you didn’t have to wear your school uniform or sportswear this time. You also needed to ask your parents to give you permission to go out because you were underage. It was a fairly smooth process with a whole online system set up where your homeroom teacher got a notification when your parents approved your leave, and you could show the approval on your phone to the guards at the gate.

Due to your indecisiveness, you arrived by the gate exactly at the discussed time, and Anton was already there, leaning against a railing. He wore a dark brown coat, currently unbuttoned, that emphasised his long legs and wide shoulders, with a white shirt and dark jeans. His hands were in his pocket, and he was slightly bobbing his head to the music coming from his headphones. He looked like a campus crush in those shows you liked to indulge yourself in, and the thought didn’t exactly help your crazily racing heart.

You were a few steps away when he opened his eyes and noticed you coming up at him. His lips immediately curled into a shy smile, and he took his headphones off to tuck them into his bag. You reciprocated his smile when you halted beside him, and asked him how he was doing while exiting the school and heading towards the bus stop. He said there was a really good restaurant that he liked going to after practices, so you decided on going there.

When he asked about your week, you felt heat rush to your cheeks because well… it seemed like all you had been doing was playing back the events of the sports day and daydreaming about meeting him today.

“Just the usual, really,” you shrugged instead, covering up your lie with a wider smile as you got on the bus.

You automatically sat down in a loveseat, and though his close proximity shouldn’t have surprised you at this point, you still felt your cheeks burn when he sat down beside you. It was different this time though. No matter how many close moments you had shared before, you had never sat beside each other on the bus, and you had never gone off- campus together, so it was new, it was different, and it was very, very exciting.

“What were you listening to, by the way?” You inquired to break the silence, referring to him waiting for you with his headphones on.

“I have this playlist with songs that I like, so I just put it on shuffle.”

“Can I have a listen?” You asked giddily because you really loved music, and you always enjoyed checking out new songs and new artists. However, Anton seemed a bit surprised by your request, and you immediately added that he didn’t have to if he didn’t feel like it.

“No, no, it’s totally okay. I’ve just never had a girl ask me to let her listen to my playlist,” he let you know, coy as ever, before reaching into his bag. You totally expected him to reach out his headphones for you to take it, but instead, the boy leaned closer to you to put it on you, tucking your hair behind your ear with one hand while holding the headphones in the other.

You found yourself blinking at him rapidly, your heart beating in your throat, and it felt like it was so loud, he could hear exactly how big of an impact his closeness and gentle touch had on you. On the other hand, he didn’t seem affected by it, instead, he boosted a boyish smile when his eyes caught yours, as if he could see right through you.

You could barely register the first song playing because you were still under his spell, but at least you didn’t have to talk for the next few minutes. Anton played a few of the songs on his playlist before it was your stop, and you gave the headphones back to him, sharing your opinion on his song choices while heading towards your destination.

The restaurant he picked was run by a lovely elderly woman who prided herself on the fact that Anton had been coming by ever since he had been a student at KOZ, and how much he had grown over these years. She seemed very fond of the boy and kept sharing stories about him until she was gently reminded by him that you were here to eat.

“Come on! You’ve never brought a girl here, so I have to take advantage of it,” she called him out on it, and Anton’s face immediately flushed, his eyes fixated on the table instead of anything else in the room.

“He helped me prepare for the sports day at school, and I won first place, so I’m treating him to a meal,” you shared with the old lady who directed a knowing smile in the boy’s direction before her eyes settled on yours again.

“Oh, so you’re that girl! He’s been talking so much about you lately.”

“Ah ahjumma,” he groaned slightly, acting like a sulky little kid with his lips curled downwards and his puppy eyes showing. She held up her hands in defeat before taking your orders and getting started on making the food.

Not gonna lie, you felt really good by the fact that you were the only girl Anton brought here and that he had been talking about you lately. Sometimes, you felt like he was just generally shy around others, and while it was true, you were now more hopeful than ever that his actions towards you meant that he felt the same way about you.

So though the meal was amazing and you had a very nice conversation while having lunch, you couldn’t shake this thrilling feeling off, and those so-called butterflies in your stomach didn’t want to chill. Instead, they made you believe it was now or never, this was your chance to make sure while walking in the nearby park, and so you blurted out:

“Anton, can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” he replied calmly, casually, but your next question made him avoid your eyes.

“Would you have said yes to today if it hadn’t been my thank you treat for your help, we just came just because?”

A few seconds of silence settled over the two of you, and the thought crossed your mind that maybe this would not go as you had imagined it. You would be rejected right here and right now, in the middle of this gorgeous park, on this fine Saturday in October, and you would never be able to recover from it.

Instead, the boy halted his steps, and eventually turned towards you, and you automatically did the same.

“Yeah,” he answered in his trademark soft voice, but before you could open your mouth to ask THE question, he beat you to it. “I like you, Y/N.”

Nothing could prepare you for how it would feel to hear those words roll off his tongue - not even this whole week of daydreaming behind you. As the afternoon sunlight shone on him, his eyes seemed to twinkle, and the sight was just too beautiful - he was too beautiful -, you felt like melting under the Sun.

“I like you, too, Anton,” you squealed before you threw your arms around him, and pressed your head against his chest. This time, the boy didn’t hesitate to hug you back, and it was just so heart-shatteringly tender and comforting and soft, your racing heart finally rested.

For it was now not searching for the answer to your question.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed this story of mine! Let me know what you think! 😊

Click here for my RIIZE masterlist!

If you want to read more stories of mine, let it be for RIIZE or for other artists, consider signing up for my taglist here. 🥰

Header taken from the 'Odyssey' trailer video

Hope you have a lovely day/night! Take care! ❤️

[winterarmyy]

Welcome home... Soldat? | Part I

That time when Bucky accidentally relapsed into the Winter Soldier.

Summary: Y/N had make a habit of greeting Bucky a warm 'welcome home' everytime he came back from his missions, but there was one particular day when she unknowingly greeted someone else.

Navigation: Part I || Part II* || Part III (end) || Extra

Words: 2.9k++

Pairing: winter soldier!bucky x female!reader

Warnings: implied 18+ content, implied smut, dubious con on groping reader's body, dark(?) possessive behaviour, google translated russian, our soldat is kinda cute(?) in his own twisted way, and well, basically fluffy times with the soldat.

P/S: Guys, I never planned this at all. I mean, who am I kidding? All of my fics are not planned and I clearly write things out of impulse. Therefore, this one don't have much of a story building/plot because it was born out of one scene that flashed in my head and has been replayed way to many times that I need to let it out. Anyway, I still hope you enjoy it, somehow.

Read my other works here: Masterlist

Y/N didn't know when exactly she started this habit but she swore to herself to never grow out of it.

It's been nearly 2 years since the fall of Hydra and the avenger has accepted the winter soldier under their wing. Begrudgingly by Tony, but the rest of them seemed like they're not against it.

Y/N used to be an agent from SHIELD but since the fall, she had been recruited under the avenger's programme and had been living in the tower since.

She remembered the day when Bucky first came in, he was quiet and weary all the time. Like an abandoned cat, picked up by a stranger to come to their home. And it took the whole team months before he slowly adapted.

Who knew he would morphed into a sassy, grumpy little shit, right?

Since the first day, Y/N had been making an effort to make him feel welcomed. Helped him to adjust to modern times. Though it was not regular but she's glad he came to her from time to time to ask about things.

Y/N only meant it to be casual when she greeted him back from his missions. Usually, it'll be something like,

"Oh you're back?"

"How's the team?"

"Good to see you well put together from such horrendous mission."

"God, you look like you fell from 5 flight of stairs."

"Are you even trying to fight back, Bucky?"

But one time, Bucky came back in the morning around breakfast, she wasn't feeling sassy or clever. So, instead of greeting him with playful remarks, in the glory of her messy bed hair and iron man pyjamas, she greeted him with a sleepy smile, "Welcome home, Bucky."

And that surely made the 6 foot, bulky hunk of a soldier paralysed in his spot. His ocean blues slightly widen, and his cheeks deepen in blush.

For a moment, he wondered if this is how he would feel if he had a wife waiting for him to come back from war back in the 40's. But, then again nothing can be compared to the sight he was seeing as he is now.

And Y/N didn't want to ever lose that memory of him.

Cute and flustered Bucky is a very rare sight to see. Perhaps, this was the only time she could witness it and she want to cherish it for the rest of her life.

Though Bucky never replied to Y/N's greeting, it didn't stop them from starting a whole new routine.

Y/N always knew that she had a thing for the sargent, but about 2 months from that moment, Y/N realized she was in love.

And she waited for him, every single chance she had for arrival of the team to come back. Just like she is now, at 03:45 in the morning, while scavenging for something sweet she can eat as she waits for Bucky's return.

When, she turned around she was not expecting to have her face into clashed into something, "Oww!" Y/N shuts her eyes close as she rubbed her aching nose to ease the sharp strike of pain.

For a moment there, she seriously thought she might have just bumped into some kind of a solid air that appeared out of nowhere, but when she opened her eyes, it was just Bucky who was standing rather ominously still.

"My god, you scared the shit out of me. I know you used to be an assassin but, you gotta announce yourself sometimes, man." She joked. Although she did find it impressive that he managed to silently sneak up on her with those thick, heavy combat boots he was wearing.

"Woah, someone's been having a field day kicking your ass, huh?" Y/N's eyes lingered a little longer on the wounds at the side of his temple that she didn't notice the void in his eyes.

"Anyway..." she continued as she shook of the thoughts of caressing the cut on the corner of Bucky's lip, before greeting him with a gentle smile, "Welcome home."

Bucky's unresponsiveness was nothing new to her. With the amount of silent glares and gruff eye-rolls that he had shot at her these past few months, she's used to it by now.

But, when she finally had the guts to look him in the eye, only then she noticed the underlying shift. Albeit, his signature frown was still as present as ever but, those eyes had made her questioned of the slight difference from what she recognized.

Bucky wordlessly step forward and cornered her until her back meets the side of the kitchen isle. He took his time assessing her, almost admiring the way her iris wavered in confusion.

Something is wrong.

Her guts were screaming at her to notice it but her body wasn't reacting accordingly. That's when the voice of the AI, Jarvis echoed through the walls.

"Emergency alert: Code Winter. Initiated by Captain Steve Rogers. All agent is advised..." The announcement went on based on protocol while the cogs in Y/N's brain finally moved, "Code Winter? That means..."

 "...to be cautious of Sargent James Barnes; reprimand on sight however try not to engage alone. Agents is..." Jarvis voice in the background interwoven with Y/N's internal deduction, "...This is not Bucky?"

As she tried to put her own mind into perspective, trying to make herself believe that this man in front of her is not Bucky Barnes who she had been adoring over for these past few months, the soldat's hands reached the side of her neck, squeezing the softness of her flesh while his thumbs grazed the shape of her jawline.

His heavy gaze remained on hers, willing her to stay as still possible.

"Bucky...?" She called his name in hopes of triggering something, anything for within his controlled mind.

At end of the corridor leading towards the kitchen, Steve could see how the soldat had already gotten his hands on Y/N and panic strike him like lightning, he sprinted towards her as he despretely shouted, "Y/N! Stay away from--"

But Y/N was not able to render anything she heard from Steve, especially after a long silence, the soldat finally spoke, "Yes, I'm home..."

He carefully pulled her face closer to his as his lips planted on her soft cheek, "...мое cолнышко (my sunshine)" he lifted for a second just to kiss her again on her temple as he whispered lowly, "...мое Родная (my darling)"

Y/N's heart was beating madly for several different reasons. Parts of her was terrified that the soldat might break her neck within an instance, but it gradually changes into something much more confusing, a conflicted joy, when he keep on trailing his lips all over her face.

What is happening?

Both her and Steve was practically frozen in pure confusion.

Steve's mouth hanged open as words failed to form, while Y/N was unable to comprehend any sort of thoughts, let alone counter movements; when the soldat continue to whisper Russian endearments against her skin, littering sweet kisses on every part of her face, except for her lips as if he wanted to tease her.

His hands slowly travel down her back and stopped on the side of her waist, pulling her body closer until there was no space in between them anymore, before he wrapped his arms around her.

The drag of his stubble on her skin burned but it felt so good when he kissed it after.

Seconds later, Sam managed to catch up with Steve and his cautious approach fell as he witnessed the soldat's rather domestic actions towards Y/N.

Sam foolishly let his guard down as he approached with a question directed to Steve, "Is the tin man back?" That was when a bullet barely grazed the tip of his ear that then buried through the wall behind him.

Both Steve and Sam forced to stop any sort of movement as the soldat's aim was still locked towards their direction; his cold blue eyes pierced with a menacing warning, all the while posessively holding Y/N in his arms as his kisses trailed the side of her neck.

"Nope, not yet." Sam answered his own question as he waited for Steve's order.

Y/N felt like she have to do something to de-escalate the situation. After a quick deduction, and based on the soldat attitude towards her, she took the risk of believing that he would not do anything to hurt her, so she decided to play along.

Will it work though?

Well, she got to have to try for it work.

She gulped nervously before softly calls for him, "Soldat?" she looked up towards him.

When the soldat gave her his attention, she watched the loose strand of his hair fall down to his face. Her hand went up and reached for it, "How about we go back to your room and let me tend these wounds, hmm?" She cooed while tucking his behind his ear and briefly caressing his cheek with the back of her fingers.

The soldat didn't reply but instead silently process her proposition.

However, the hesitation only worried her more, so she continued to persuade, as she cautiously slide her hand, following his arm that was holding her teammates at gun point, "It'll be just the two of us. How's that sound?" She smiled warmly at him as she managed to lower it enough to grab the gun away from his grasp.

There was a glint of indecipherable emotion in his eyes when she mentioned that, which then he nodded in agreement.

"Okay then, let's go." She put the gun on the kitchen isle behind her and replaced her hand in his, pulling him towards his bedroom. The soldat did not protest to her lead, in fact her followed her obediently.

But before Y/N makes an exit, she looked back towards Steve and mouthed a reassuring message, "I got this."

The captain had all the rights to be weary but at this point, he just had to believe in Y/N's action plan. He nodded and replied, "Be safe. We'll be outside."

Along the walk towards Bucky's room, all she could think was that she can handle it and she got this under control.

But, does she?

Well, Y/N did have it under control, in terms of keeping the soldat from going on a berserk rampage but what she didn't think through was how the fuck she should handle his behaviour towards her.

After they arrived to Bucky's room, she had instructed him to strip off his tactical suit and leave him sitting at the edge of the bed, only in his short to avoid him reaching for any hidden weapons he had, all the while she went to grab the first aid from his bathroom.

Now that she almost done tending the small injuries on his face, it finally dawned to her that the soldat had her immobilized in between his legs as his hands rubbed the back of her thighs, occasionally squeezing the softness of her body in his tender grip.

His intent gaze waited patiently for her to finish and as soon as she did, he pulled her on his lap, making her to straddle on top him as he smushed his face on her chest, "Oh, Родная (darling)... I have missed you."

Her hands found her balance on his shoulders while the soldat roaming hands held her body still by the back of her waist.

It will be a lie if she said her heart didn't skipped when he confessed; even if it was still the soldat's thoughts and words but it was Bucky's voice.

The soldat pulled his other hand to play with the buttons of her pyjamas shirt, specifically around her chest area.

Part of him wanted to just rip her clothes off from her body but another part of him didn't want to. He didn't want scare her; and his precious little darling deserved to be pampered.

He had her buttons popped off; one by one, slow and almost sensual while Y/N was still in a heated debate with herself on what she should to next. She wanted the soldat to stop but god the temptation of wanting more was beyond her will power.

This is not Bucky.

She knew that. But, she had been bewitched by the look in those familiar blue eyes. So enthralled and so keen to unwrap her.

Y/N let out a low yet sharp gasp as her chest was finally revealed, "Soldat, what..." The soldat take a quick glance into her eyes, "...are you doing?" before trailing back down to the curve of her breasts, cupped so beautifully with a simple black bra.

His hands went back to grabbed her thighs as he replied, "Just wanna hold you." He leaned closer and left a lingering kiss in between her breasts, mumbling deep, " Wanna feel you, мое Родная (my darling)"

Fuck, it feels so good.

"Wanna feel you..." Y/N's grip on his bare shoulder tightened as he lips warmed the top of her right breast, "...here." An unexpected moan slipped out of her lips as the soldat latched his wet mouth on her skin, bruising it with his mark.

He groaned to the taste of her, so sweet and soft, he wanted to pull the bra off her and suckle on her nipple. He bet that they're perky and so sensitive. Bet he could make her cum just by playing with them.

He wanted to leave his bite mark around them, make them look much more prettier. But, he needed to be patient.

He brought his left hand up to hold the other side of her chest; pulling another pretty noise as the cold metal of his thumb gently stroked the exposed skin of her breast.

"Wanna feel you..." His flesh hand made its way lower and cupped her clothed sex, unexpectedly making her grind down to his hold, "...here."

She couldn't help to find shelter in the crook of his neck when he began to stroke her sensually.

This is getting out of hand.

Y/N doesn't mind to entertain him if the soldat only asked for him to hold her but it was clear that he wanted so much more than just innocent touches. Especially when he languidly rubbed his middle finger in between the slit of her pussy.

She hates how easy it was for Bucky's touch turned her on, his hands and his lips; regardless if his actions was someone else's.

This is wrong.

This has to stop.

"No... soldat." She whimpered in his ears as his finger drew slow circles on her clit, his mouth latched on her shoulder.

"I can't touch you here?" He murmured softly as he pressed harder. Even with the barrier of the cotton panties, she was so sensitive to his touch; he loves that about her.

"N-no. You can't." She choked back a moan as she replied.

God, what if he doesn't care?

What if he'll get mad and force it on her?

She can't imagine the guilt Bucky had to experience if the soldat take her right now. And all because her stupid little brain cannot comprehend a plan to stop him, all because she let the soldat touch her as freely, as willingly.

Salty tears started to blur her vision when she sniffled them back.

Much to his deperateness, the soldat pulled her away and watched as her tears spilled out, "Oh darling, don't cry." He leaned in and kiss the corners of her eyes, murmuring his words of comfort, "I hate to see you cry, мое cолнышко (my sunshine)." His metal hand slithered to her back and his palm stroked her lovingly.

"Okay, okay. I won't touch your sweet princess part, okay?" He patted her pussy one last time before reaching to swipe her tears away. "I promise." He whispered.

As much as he wanted to fuck her stupid, fill her hole full with his load; however the soldat does hold her very dear to his heart and hates to see her sad.

"Just let me hold you close, darling?" He cooed as he kissed the edge of her lips.

Y/N didn't know why but she trusted his words. Maybe it was because he was so gentle with her, that she was tricked into believing him.

She watched the soldat waited patiently for her response and when she nodded softly, he swiftly lifted her in his arms and lay her down on the bed.

He tucked himself in under the sheets with her and naturally rested his face on her chest. His fleshed arms wrapped securely around her waist and his metal one around her thighs, as he pulled her closer; almost suffocating himself in between her warm breasts.

It was like an instinct for Y/N to encircle her arms around his neck while her hands run through the thick of his hair, absentmindedly playing with the softness of it.

She almost giggle when the soldat let out a deep-throated sound of relieved sighs as she continued to massage his scalp.

As the soldat started to sail deeper into dreamland, Y/N thought that maybe this will be the only and the last time she had the chance to hold Bucky like this and she knew it was wrong to feel grateful to the soldat because had done nothing but terrible, despicable things in the past.

But when she thought about it, none of those sins was his choice to make. He was created to kill and nothing else.

But what if he had something to hold on to?

A hope to look forward to?

A person to protect?

Or a home to go back to?

Would he still be the same monster he had been before?

She have not a slightest clue.

But, what she does know that this soldat who's clinging in her arms, deserves something kind.

And she hoped that she managed to give him a sense of peace for once in his life.

Y/N nuzzled to the side of his tired-looking face and placed a sweet kiss on his temple as she whispered ever-so-softly, "Welcome home, soldat."

Part II >>

Read my other works here: Masterlist

A/N: This is possibly part 1? I'm not sure either. Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments! And reblogs is much appreciated!

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SHOW RUNNER PAT BACALL RUINED THE PROGRAMME.

CHANGE MY MIND