#for someone who cannot think I sure do like overthinking stuff

[cephalofrog]

been playing rain world and thinking about saint again recently

full rain world spoilers below

I hate the "saint is the triple affirmative" interpretation. hate even more how it appears to have become the accepted truth in the fandom

first off, my dislike for this interpretation is not logical. it isn't something I can be convinced out of using canon evidence, because my reason for not interpreting the story this way is not evidence-based, it's because I don't find it to be a satisfying conclusion to the entire story of rain world.

but here's some rambling about logical reasons why it doesn't make sense anyway

if saint was created as the triple affirmative by sliver, that makes them extremely old - they came into existence LONG before spearmaster's campaign even started. if they came into existence with the purpose of ascending iterators, they sure took a long time to ascend any iterators - like okay, travel time and whatever, but you'd think they'd get at least one or two more before all the iterator comms break down entirely post-spearmaster. SM and hunter managed to get from SRS and NSH to the pebbs/moon area pretty quickly.

they also have fur, which seems to be an adaptation for the cold judging by the lizards in the campaign, despite the world not being cold at the point at which they were created. this could be easily explained by sliver just being very forward-thinking, but...

if sliver created saint, their entire triple affirmative thing comes across as incredibly thoughtless, which imo contrasts with sliver being forward-thinking enough to make saint immune to cold. like they finally created the magical rat that will ascend them all but didn't even think to send out a message beforehand like "hey guys I'm trying something new if I send out the triple affirmative and die right after this it worked and you should be visited by a flying green dude with an ascension beam at some point in the future"

there's also the thing of... wait so how does this whole iterator ascension work again? cause saint's timeline loops. after they ascend, they end up back in sky islands, with the iterators back where they were. this could be explained by "later playthrough loops aren't canon and pebbs and moon are ascended if you got em" but there's literally a specific gameplay mechanic - carrying stuff in your stomach between campaigns - meant to make it clear that the campaign is a loop.

anyway. the real reason I hate the theory isn't related to any of this - it's that it absolutely destroys pebbles and moon's story, thematically speaking.

sliver of straw's triple affirmative/death is a random event that could mean basically anything. the futility pebbles felt around trying to solve the great problem caused him to assign meaning to sliver's death that wasn't necessarily there - they found the solution, and it was self-destruction. that's what they were trying to tell everyone. it wasn't a random event, the triple affirmative was real. one of the bugs in the maze found the way out, and he's going to prove it to everyone by following them and escaping.

and that's what leads to the events of the main story. this random event - this horrible tragedy, the death of someone who seemed to mean so much to so many people - was assigned meaning by someone desperate to prove that his entire existence, and the existences of everyone around him, are not futile. the ancients created the iterators without knowing whether the answer to the great problem could ever be found, and this is the result of that.

a nihilistic, hopeless person, abandoned by his creators to work forever on an unsolvable problem, assigns meaning to a random tragedy, and tunnel visions on what he has to believe is what he's been looking for - because it is an unimaginable understatement to say that the alternative would be worse than death. and then, in his self-destructive desperation, he kills his sibling* and dooms himself to the slowest, most painful death imaginable. this is the legacy of the ancients' dead society, the result of all of their stupid ideals and obsession with karmic perfection. (*as far as he knows)

but saint being the triple affirmative undermines all of that. not only does it make sliver's death less of a tragedy and more of a noble sacrifice - like yeah, sure, they were loved, but solving the great problem was far more important - but it also makes pebbles look less desperate and more just kinda stupid. like you thought that the solution was self-destruction? nah, it's a magical flying rat. in this version of the story, pebbles wasn't striving for something that didn't exist, he was just not smart enough to figure out the real solution.

even outside of canon evidence, that sucks. it causes pebbles' story to go from being about how you should value the people around you over the impossible striving that life always seems to expect from you or you're gonna end up hurting them and yourself to how you should just be smarter to find the right solution to all of your problems.

anyway as for my own interpretation of saint, I think that the campaign is just a representation of what it's like to be an echo. reliving the moments that led up to your failed ascension over and over, reaching maximum karma and gaining superpowers because you're just that karmically pure - you are a saint, after all - and then letting your ego consume you at the crucial moment of ascension, over and over again, cycling into infinity. (I don't think they actually had superpowers prior to ascending, I just think that they kinda thought of themselves so highly that they thought they should have those powers.) then contrast this with the world as the age of the iterators and the rain finally ends, and you have an unchanging echo reliving the same few cycles over and over contrasted with a world that is, at last, changing and moving on.

yeah it doesn't make sense with the joint iterator dialogue in rubicon (at least, the final line doesn't make sense). I don't care. it's what makes me happy as an interpretation. you can pry my morally dubious hypocritical ego-driven saint from my cold dead hands

[sativaonsaturn]

astro observations about my partner’s placements

from a virgo sun’s perspective

sagittarius sun

never runs out of energy - these people wake up on ready. endless banter and wit; one of the reasons i fell in love w/ him was his mind.. i think bc sag is ruled by the 9th house their minds know no bounds, they are continually expansive. on the same note, they love to experience everything there is and especially w/ those they love. i’ve always said the quickest way to point out a sag is if they say “i don’t give a fuck” but also remember sagittarians often have solid morals/ values. there are some things they believe in and will not bend on them for anyone or anything. also such adaptable people! they don’t like to be restricted so i think it helps that they are able to just do what they need to for the moment. can be a bit reckless or clumsy, they probably have to buy a new phone all the time 😭

libra moon

(maybe my favorite moon sign 🙈) such charismatic people!! doesn’t matter the sun sign, they could charm anyone. also very adaptable bc they read the room so well. love to make the room lighter but this can be good and bad. as i’ve said in previous posts, libra in any placement will create a need for balance. so libra moons often cannot handle tension especially from the ones they care about. if you’re feeling down a libra moon will do everything they can to make you smile but if they fail, you can almost feel them move on bc they can’t handle the static. (this isn’t bc they don’t care! air signs just prefer to keep things light) also great conversationalists and very funny, their humor is for everyone.

scorpio mercury

as i’ve said in previous posts, the only ones who understand a scorpio’s depth is scorpio. scorpio mercury’s depth is much like the depth of the ocean. you will never know what they’re thinking unless they want you to. this placement (much like scorpio moon) will always decide on the best time to say something; if you’re looking to pull something out of them they will make you work for it. also very stern, in the sense that you cannot make them waver on something they’re already sure about. bc of how deep they think/ understand, they are also great conversationalists (totally part of my dream blunt rotation cause you’ll never run out of things to talk about) you’ll also never have to explain the principle of a situation to them; if you give them background w/ enough details, they already get it. also sometimes prone to overthinking esp if it’s in 12th or 8th house!

libra mars

always does their best to make sure everyone is content (again balance), very diplomatic in relationships - including romantic. will often overlook their own feelings if they feel it will disrupt the flow of things. sometimes only speak up in moments of injustice or they just feel like something’s unfair in general. pretty reasonable ppl cause they look at both sides of everything. when they are ready to check someone it’s brutal 😭 their anger is palpable when released because they hold it in most of the time. in bed they are likely to favor the doggy position (as libra rules that part of the body) and will likely slap their partner’s ass a lot 💀

capricorn venus

a true romantic! they are strict on their boundaries and will never settle (especially the more developed they are). they might stay in a relationship (platonic, romantic or otherwise) if it doesn’t serve them, but not for long. even when they do this they will not be all in because they know there will be a moment when they need to fall back completely and when it does they do so immediately, w/out remorse. when they are in love however, they are devoted because (in true Saturn fashion) in their eyes they are investing into their future. such romantics when they find the one! i mean like true lovers. they want you to meet their families, plan your future (always realistically), plan out elaborate dates, may even buy stuff they want you to wear. these natives are definitely the types give you those “be ready at 8pm, wear this” notes. also likely to wear the pants 😭 and definitely dominant in bed (likely into bdsm as well, esp if masc).

sativaonsaturn 🪐🍃

[cheesit-notes]

Simon Riley + Hand Kisses

tags: kissing obviously, ptsd for simon basically, gn!reader, overthinking simon, simon getting violent at one point, a/n: sorry i was gone for a week! i want to say i worked on stuff but ive been busy with things and this was the only thing i did. im not all that happy with the time to result ratio of this tbh but i love the idea of Simonand hand kisses so enjoy!

Ghost who cannot stand any and all kinds of intimate touches. he doesn’t like intimate touches. no, actually, he loathes those touches. it reminds him of a time he’d really rather forget. there’s no way to really kiss him without having to slowly practice. underneath the mask, he’s nothing more than the emotionally scarred, vulnerable Simon Riley who went through far too much for any human.

the first time both of you technically kissed, you had asked if you could kiss him, he said yes because you looked like you wanted it so badly. the two of you stood awkwardly in his barracks. he’s wondering if he should’ve changed clothes earlier, he just got back and was still in his uniform, probably smelled fowl, but you didn’t say a word. ah, he thought he could handle it. he really did. but to kiss was a lot easier said than done. and he’ll never fully forgive himself for shoving you away slamming you against the wall, and he was choking you. he didn’t actually hit you, you tell him that everyday, but the fact he fully intended to hit you for the moment scared him. plagued with the thought that he truly was no different from his father; he could barely look at you for the weeks following that, much less talk to you. no, he refused to do so much as to stand near you; petrified he wouldn’t snap out of it in time, terrified he’d hurt you.

months later, he asked if it’s alright to try again. the kissing thing, you know? it was months after the previous attempt, you and Simon had already reconciled, as much as possible anyways, so the question left you a little confused. you were happy to, but only if he was really ready. and he said he was, he swore it. although.. looking at you, thinking back about the previous attempt, made him anxious. but he already said he would. so he should? he should stick to his words, right? youd probably think hes a coward. god, a man shouldnt be a coward. and he cant be a coward. and all these thoughts ran through his mind. he doesnt realize he’s zoned out and that you’re staring at him with a concerned look on your face. its not until you decide to speak does he snap back.

“are you sure you want to do this?”

he’s not even sure what to respond. what did he want?  he’s only really thought about what you wanted. it’s not like his wants really mattered in his eyes.

“you know, we don’t have to do this. we can still have a perfectly fine relationship without–”

“no! absolutely, no, we.. we have to kiss.”

he insisted, almost yelling like he’s afraid he wouldn’t be heard. and that you’d leave him because you’d think he couldn’t kiss you, because he couldn't give you of a normal relationship. and you deserved it. you deserved a normal relationship with someone who could give you what you wanted. and god, he wishes he were normal.

anyone could tell he was agitated. honestly, it isn’t easy for you. you could tell he wouldn’t handle it well if you kissed him directly. but if you didn’t then he’d isolate himself, thoughts spiralling like a roller coaster in his mind, and you couldn’t be sure when or where the ride ended. so, grab his hands, hold them in yours, and plant a gentle kiss on each. you hold his hands, looking into his eyes, and for what felt like hours, the two of you stayed put like that. until Simon told you to leave.

it caught you off guard, you’re a little taken back. but respecting his wishes, you leave the room. not even a minute after you leave, Simon slumps against the wall, he can’t stop the hot, burning tears from falling. maybe it was how soft your lips felt against his caloused hands or how careful you were with him, how you knew that he likely wouldn’t react well to either choice and yet you made the perfect one.

Simon Riley who sometimes holds your hand, silently hoping you’d kiss his hand again. he likes it when you give each knuckle a peck. if you bent down on one knee, you’d look like a knight kissing the princess’ hand, and Johnny would say this whenever he saw the chance. Simon Riley who still isn’t ready to kiss you directly, but he’s slowly working on it. Simon Riley who will probably learn to like different types of kisses, but right now, he's smitten over you and your hand kisses that make him feel oh so loved.

next time he holds your hand, give him a kiss, will you?

[jeonscatalyst]

Did anything about jikooks (or vminkook if that interests you) dynamic surprise you in are you sure? I think the extent of JK's brattiness and their play-fighting did surprise me a little. I think it's because I haven't been following them beyond the music that much in solo era. Also if I compare vminkooks dynamic from say that joint live in 2021 or the live incl Hobi (in 2022 I think?), I think it's a little bit different from what we're seeing in the show. If I think about it, it does check out in many ways with regards to what they've told us but I don't think it's something we've seen this plainly before

Hey anon,

Nothing about Jikook’ or Vminkook’s dynamic surprised me much, infact I would say the boys haven’t changed at all. Jungkook has always been bratty. Literally all the members have complained about him being bratty and stubborn and as for the play-fighting (I am assuming you are talking about Jikook) that has literally always been their thing. Someone described Jikook’s dynamic as a mix of all the other duo dynamics in BTS and now I really cannot unsee it. They playfight like jinkook, bicker like yoonmin, are soft with each other like Namkook, are besties like taekook and are caring towards each other like Jihope. There is literally a mix of everything in their dynamic and that is one of the reasons why Jikook are so difficult to explain as a duo. I personally don’t have any trouble understanding the other duo dynamics of BTS but Jikook still challenges me sometimes.

It was definitely kinda new to see them bicker so much, I mean we had seen them bicker before but the other members were usually in the mix so just seeing them bicker about parking was kinda new but not really surprising to me.

As for taekook, I didn’t see anything about their dynamic that surprised me at all. They are the duo who know how to have maximum fun when they are together as they have so many things in common when it comes to personal interests so it is extremely easy for them to be in sync but they also have moments where they could come off a bit nonchalant towards each other (but this is very normal) and I have seen so many people say they have a passive aggressive energy about them but I don’t see it personally. I just think that Jungkook sometimes has his moments you know, when he doesn’t really feel like being enthusiastic about anyone (Jimin included) and Tae isn’t like Jimin who will still try to initiate interactions when Jk gets in that mood but instead Tae just kinda ignores as well or throws in some snarky comments and maybe that is why people see some passive aggressiveness but generally I think they have gotten much closer than they were a few years ago and even their emotional bond seems to have deepened a little more than before.

For Vminkook’s dynamic, I think it is pretty much the same to be honest. Like I said before, Jungkook has his bratty and soft moments with both of them and Vmin are still the two hyungs who dote on him but call him out in their own way when he starts going too far. Jungkook has a very different dynamic with both of them and it is seen more when he is with the two of them (or atleast I noticed it more). I had always known but just seeing it in play out in AYS was….interesting. I think with Tae, Jk really enjoys just doing the fun boy stuff. They both look their happiest around each other when they are bringing out the childishness out of each other and I can see why they easily connected when they were rookies. One person starts something and the other very easily goes along with it, no question asked. They are also a good example of dumb and dumber or the blind leading the blind because it seems like between the two of them, no one is the voice of reason and we all crave people who we can just be extremely silly with without overthinking anything and I guess that is what taekook are to each other and that is why Tae can call Jk and ask him to join him in Hawaii and Jk takes a 9 hour flight there, you know just for the fun of it. Unlike what taekookers would like to believe, it isn’t because Jk is in love with tae or none of that. If I had a bestie whom I usually have alot of fun with when we are together and we both like the same things and I had Jungkook money and time, I will do the exact same thing. But, just as I had said before, it just feels like the foundation of their friendship is mostly centered around the fun and shared interests, not much else. They ofcourse really care for each other and are supportive of each other as well. I thought it was extremely sweet how Jungkook immediately climbed that wall to encourage Tae when Tae was scared to jump. Those are some of the moments that show just how they get each other and how much they care about each other. Taekook as bestfriends works so well but I don’t see them working out as romantic partners and I also understand why they don’t seem to be each other’s go to person for comfort. This is because they are way too alike. They both are naturally takers so they need givers for things to balance out. That is why at some point, they both sought out comfort from Jimin who is a a natural giver and not from each other.

Jimin and Jungkook are kinda different here because even though those two also have alot of fun with each other, Jimin is actually very different from Jungkook. He isn’t as spontaneous and he thinks about everything way too much. He also likes to have a schedule or plan things out before he executes them but Jungkook takes everyday as it comes and doesn’t seem to think about things too much so because of this, Jimin is like the voice of reason but sometimes Jungkook doesn’t want a voice of reason, he just wants adventure. A good example of this is that episode from I land where Jungkook stole TXT’s food from the pantry. He was in there with Tae and while he was stealing the food, Tae just went along with it and didn’t say anything but instead just found the whole thing funny but immediately Jk went outside with the food and Jimin saw him, Jimin (as well as the other members) asked him to return the food and they even scolded him (Jimin included lol). This is how Tae and Jk are partners in crime because they both readily go along with each other’s mischief but Jimin is that voice of reason that Jk needs because Jk is very impressionable (he said it himself) so if he doesn’t have some Jimins in his life, he could easily go astray. Even though Jikook are so different, they still are so alike and they click and just get each other so well and I don’t even know how to explain it. It seems to me like they are the definition of opposites attract, ying and yang. Jimin has the light that Jk needs and Jk has the darkness Jimin craves, they balance each other out, they give each other what the other lacks, they complement each other completely. Their bond in my opinion is definitely deeper as the foundation of it much more than the fun they have when they are together. There is an underlying intimacy in their play that isn’t there in taekook’s too. While taekook just play around like 5 year olds without a care in the world, splashing around in pools or shooting at each other with water guns, there is a subtle intimacy and softness in the way Jikook play around and they are definitely more handsy with each other too. This is pretty much everything I already knew about them and it is exactly the same thing I saw so I don’t really think anything was surprising or maybe just how much Jikook can bicker, if I had to pick something lol.

So anon, I have written a ton even though you probably just wanted a shorter answer but I couldn’t help myself lol. I have a problem not expatiating as much as I can. I hope this answers your question though and if u don’t mind, I would love to hear what you thought was different about Vminkook’s dynamic from 2021/2022 and now. I don’t really think we can compare from those moments you mentioned but I’d really love to hear or read your thoughts.

[batgrldes]

My God, I just woke up to pandemonium on here! And what do I see but some freshly baked buddie content! I told myself I would step back a little and reduce my expectations but how am I supposed to do that when they give us this? I am trying like an addict to not take another hit of buddie cannon thoughts but here I go again.

I'm not sure what to make of the top picture with Eddie. There's a relaxed nature to him. The familiarity and comfort of his hand on (Buck's?) shoulder says whatever is going on, Eddie is in a good place. He may be talking about his dating life. I still say dating and not relationship because this Era of Eddie is about putting himself out there, not about finding a marriage worthy partner (*grumbling* he's already married to someone.) He's not ready for a serious relationship but is having a good time.

Next we have Buck and Chris. This is a serious conversation of whatever they could be talking about. There are a few possibilities of what it could be:

-Problems at school

-Issues with growing up, puberty, teen stuff.

-Dilemma with his dad

-A lack of Buck in Christopher's life and pulling away

-The Buckley-Diaz family is starting to fracture big time.

These all kind of correlate with each other, which is why it's so hard to pin down what it could be. What I can see is Buck is trying to talk to Chris, but it's not face to face. He is looking away as if it's difficult to talk about, possibly holding back something, or even downright lying about it, (Buck's a terrible liar so it may also be denial or ignorance driving him).

And Christopher is the big red flag here. He is not invested in this convo. He is not looking at Buck and is busy writing in his notebook. Now, I guess he could be writing down what Buck is saying. I see some people saying he's asking Buck about past traumas for a report, but I'm not too sure about that one. This is giving me more, "I here you but I'm not listening" which I could be wrong about, but I feel like it's time for Buck to realize he's not Christopher's number one friend that can do no wrong anymore and has to face the fact that Chris is growing up and is more perceptive about what is going on in his life and in his home.

He's probably wondering why Buck isn't around as much. Teenage life is turbulent and confusing, and neither his Dad nor Buck is around for him to ask stuff. He may be feeling left out or left behind. He may feel a little jaded by Buck since he promised Chris he would always be around. (Gavin is such an amazing actor. I cannot wait to see him in this scene.)

There, I have said my piece about these photos. I may add to this but I'll try not to only in that I don't want to overthink it, as if I already haven't.

- Bonus thought: I really think Buck and Eddie are heading for a break up this season. There is a lot being left unsaid, plenty of trauma between them, and for buddie to work, there needs to be a breakdown and rebuilding of foundations. Not that they have to go clean-slate, but re-evaluate who they are to each other and face their feelings about one another. I need at least one of them to say 'I need you' and realize they are in love. That passion needs to come forward and it most likely will come in the form of a fight.

Okay I'm done.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

(different Anon here) I too enjoy reading your ramblings on ML. I have a question about the last one: "Along the same lines, the love square should never be canon unless Marinette gives up Guardianship because Adrien is a liability to the safety of the miraculouses even if he didn't wield on himself. " I don't think I really understand this, can you give an example what you meant or what consequences you thought about this?

Sure! Adrien is basically a sleeper agent. All the senti kids are.

Let's say that Adrien retires while Marinette stays Ladybug. Someone then gets their hands on Adrien's amok and says, "Wait until your wife is home, then murder her and take her miraculous."

As Ephemeral showed us, Adrien WILL do that. His love is not enough to overpower his amok even what it means the end of the world. You could also ask him to tell you all of the secrets of the miraculous and he'd sing like a canary! You don't even need to say please! Therefore, he cannot stay with Marinette because Marinette is the kind of person who will have enemies that want to kill her in order to get her miraculous or the miracle box. The only way to get around those issues is for Marinette to give up her guardianship and her miraculous, turning her back into an ordinary civilian.

I cannot overstate how massive a liability Adrien is to the safety of the world. He is the perfect way to get to Marinette and all of the other miraculouses. If the love square stays together, then Adrien will have access to Marinette at her most vulnerable, meaning that villains don't have to come up with some sort of clever plan to get to her or him or their children. They just have to steal one of his amoks and tell Adrien to do the dirty work for them.

Wearing the amoks doesn't keep them safe, Felix has shown us that. Locking them away doesn't keep them safe because that still means that someone could steal them. Can't destroy them, then Adrien dies. You could post guards on them and pay those guards well, but you'd still have to trust that they wouldn't betray you. You could possibly lock the amoks in a box and throw them into the ocean and pray that no one finds them, but that's still got risks.

Basically, Adrien's free will will never be truly his because his free will is reliant on something external to him, which is horrifying. He will never truly have the undeniable basic freedom to say "no" that we enjoy as humans. He cannot ever say "death first" to protect his wife and children. He will always obey the amok.

Obviously the miraculouses are physical objects too and so they also carry the risks of being stolen, but it's a different kind of risk, imo. If someone gets the black cat, then Marinette and Adrien can team up to try to get it back and you can't hide the fact that it's been taken. Plagg disappearing will be immediately obvious. If someone steals one of the amoks, then you'll only know whenever you try to give Adrien a command and he doesn't obey. Are they going to do a nightly command check to make sure that the amoks are real? Like this is just a very dark setup and I am baffled that they didn't have Gabriel use the wish to undo it.

If you've ever seen Fruit Basket, just think of how Kyo's bracelet is treated and how much that messed with his mother's mental health. I picture Marinette developing similar habits for very understandable reasons.

I try not to overthink stuff in kids shows, but I don't think this counts? Like this was all really obvious to me as soon as I heard the basic concept of the senti theory. A character being able to be mind controlled leading to him being controlled to do horrible things seems really like a natural expectation in a superhero show.

[ambcass]

ᴊᴇᴀɴ ᴋɪʀꜱᴛᴇɪɴ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ || ᴅᴀᴛɪɴɢ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ

in honor of aot ending :( Also what if I told yall that ck isn't my thing no more... when s6 comes out I'll watch it but idk if I'm gna post anymore ck stuff

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: implied sexual content (it's mild dw), AOT ENDING SPOILERS!!, Terrible pet names, SOME SAD PARTS

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Jean is a big PDA guy. He tries not to get too handsy but good lord he can't help it. Hands on your waist, hands on your thighs, and hands around your neck are all it'll take to get him going.

His top three love languages are physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation. He doesn't mean to always touch you but it makes him feel safe that he knows that you're safe. He cannot go one day without kisses or hugs!!

If he doesn't get the slightest attention from you, he'll get super grumpy. Spending time with you is what really helps Jean connect and bond. He'll slowly educate himself on your favorite foods, clothing, etc.

Words of affirmation are how he really bagged you in the first place. Commenting on how beautiful you look, how much he loves you, and encouraging you to do things you love is what makes you fall for him even more.

Dates can range from movie nights to a full-on romantic dinner with rose petals and everything. Making sure you're loved and happy is one of Jean's priorities. He won't stop doing things until you're satisfied (winks) with whatever he's doing.

Jean hates cooking but he can cook. He always complains about how he can't cook and stuff but TRUST ME when I say he can. The second you tasted his cooking, you were in LOVE. You kept asking for seconds, thirds, and forths. (Niccolo obviously cooks better...)

Jean is the type of guy with very low self esteem in a relationship. Scared to lose you to another guy or thinking you're too good for him. Days like those is really what "breaks" the relationship. He doesn't want to but he'll ignore you for a little to give himself space to get rid of thoughts. He overthinks for sure. When he hears you tell him "I love you", he thinks that you don't mean and you're just pitying him.

You always try your hardest to comfort him when he thinks that way. You reassure him that you do love him and you give him millions of reasons why you do love him. It's canon that he covers his ears and gets lost in thoughts when he's really overwhelmed.

After Eren's death, the both of you were closer than ever. He was scared to lose you just like Mikasa lost Eren. (I AM A MIKASA LOVER I SWEAR.) He promises to stay by your side no matter what.

Jean gets jealous easily. He can't hold himself back when he sees a guy getting too comfortable with you. He'll interfere no matter what and doesn't care who that guy is- he'll rush over to you, telling that guy off and making sure that guy knows who you belong to.

He's pretty basic when it comes to pet names. It's just "Babe", "Baby", or a stupid nickname he made for you.

a/n: got lazy lol. AMBCASS ACTUALLY POSTS?!? PLEASE SOMEONE REQUEST SMTH IM CRYINGG I HAVE NOTHING TO WRITE

[taegularities]

Rid I don’t know if I’m late ! But can I request a drabble where CMI JK gets jealous? Maybe some guy starts shamelessly flirting with her while they’re out somewhere?

Btw loved cmi6 it made me feel all the feelings and now I’m too excited and nervous cmi7 🥺🥺

fic: colour me in

pairing: jungkook x reader

warnings: nothing really; insecurities, jealousy, a healthy relationship, such a soft soft convo, taemin guest appearance, still totally not in love or whuteva

wc: around 910

a/n: you're not late at all! feel free to keep sending stuff. closing drabble requests, though, so spam me with question if you'd like 🥺 lemme know what you think! and ahhh, i'm so happy you liked cmi6... and gosh, i truly cannot wait for cmi7.. it'll be a ride and a half :') thank you, sweetheart 🤍 (unedited!)

ask my characters! (drabble requests closed) <3

–

When Jungkook steps out of the bakery, snacks and beverages in his hands, he pauses for just a moment. It was easy to escape the cashier's conversation. Easy to soothe the worries she'd fallen into it.

What's not so easy is watching that stranger so close to you, sitting on the bench, laughing at whatever you're saying.

Jungkook isn't necessarily the jealous type – as long as the debate doesn't shift to damn perilla leaves or you don’t end up naked in someone else's bed, there's not all that much that will drive him up the wall.

But tonight is reserved for the two of you. Any other disturbance has no place here.

So he shakes his head, clicking his tongue, scoffs as he steps next to you slowly.

When you notice, your laughter pauses, and you look between the men before you enthusiastically introduce, "Ah, Kook! This is Taemin. Just found out he went to the same college as we did."

"Really?" Jungkook questions, squinting his eyes. "Never seen you there."

"I graduated years ago," Taemin says with a tender smile; sweet enough to melt angels' hearts.

"Ah. How old are you?"

"Twenty-nine. Why?"

"Just asking."

"Uhm, in any case," you say, getting on your feet. You don't think Taemin's anyhow harmful; but the animosity between them is palpable. Or at least from Jungkook's side. "This is my boyfriend Jungkook."

You laugh nervously, and then add, "Was nice to meet you. We'll be going then."

"It was nice talking to you, too," Taemin says softly, unbothered as hell; the opposite of Jungkook whose irritation swims to the forefront of his eyes.

Only when you've left his periphery and you've linked your arm with Jungkook, do you realise just how much the picture of Taemin and you annoyed him.

Stoic silence accompanies you for half a mile, no matter how many times you thank him for the food, or compliment the town, or crack a horrible joke.

And then, you break.

"Are you mad at me?"

He shakes his head. "No. I'm not mad at you."

"But you're mad."

"I... no, it's fine."

"But," you start, tapping his knuckles, "your fists are pretty firm. And your jaw is clenched."

"I'm fine, angel."

“I don’t care about Taemin, by the way.”

“Okay. He’s too old for you anyway,” he suddenly says.

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

You argue, “You said you’re fine.” 

“Yeah. I’m honestly okay.”

"Or jealous." He grants you one ominous glance, and you widen your eyes, immediately defending, "I'm just saying. You don't have a reason to be jelly, though."

"Why's that?"

"Because," you start, halting your steps. You look into his eyes, and smile with a slightly tilted head. "I'm yours. I told you and... I meant it."

You're not sure where your courage is coming from. Day and night, you question his feelings, constantly wondering what he might be thinking of you. Or how often you occupy his mind at all.

That you're soothing his worries now, vowing your undying loyalty to him is a bigger step than you realise.

But it does the trick. The crease between his eyebrows relaxes. He blinks at you.

"It's not... you're not who I'm mad at," he admits, "that was true. I'm more pissed at myself for overthinking, you know? Now I know how you felt when we spoke about Nara... The ache in your eyes, I could see it."

You're taken aback – not quite expecting for him to mention that day. Or Nara. Or to feel anyhow similarly to how you hurt back then.

But you don't understand.

"But it was just a guy from college," you assure.

"That's not the problem, really... I just. Do you–" He licks his lips, chuckling about his own idiocy. "Do you ever talk to other men and think how easy life could be with them? Like Seokjin. Do you ever feel like it would've been easier with him?"

"What's it?"

"Just. Life. Love. Your future."

Crazy.

To hear him voice his worries like that.

He's right... it feels like the conversation weeks ago. Back then, you wondered whether a childhood friend like Nara could've been the easier choice. How you could compete against her.

"No," you tell him firmly, placing a hand under his ear, "do you? Like, ever regret being with me like that."

"No." His answer comes just as fast – but he still looks conflicted. "Never. But it scares me to see you laughing with someone else. Not because I doubt where your heart lies, but... 'cause I want to feel right for you."

Your heart pounds in your chest. He's never talked about whatever lingers between you so blatantly. It feels like a breakthrough moment.

"Is that why we're both here? You want to feel like you're right for me. Or... want to confirm that you're enough to make me happy."

"I..." He waits. Looks at you so softly, it hurts. "It's not just that. Tonight belongs to us. Tonight wasn't supposed to be about Taemin, or any other man I deem a better fit for you."

"It still belongs to us," you tell him, moving closer. "Taemin, or Nara... none of them matter, Jungkook."

He doesn't speak.

You look down to his hand, tangling your fingers.

Move your eyes back to him slowly, eyebrows raised in question. He opens his mouth, nervous and blinking. When he doesn’t speak, you ask, “Jungkook?”

“I need to tell you something.”

– and you know the rest... 💕

[yuri-is-online]

Yuri, what do you think about the theory that the Clash happened because Clementia found out a dark secret about the Academy/ghouls and got offed as a result? Because it's been keeping me up at night and I NEED ANSWERS

edit: while I was writing this I went back to the intro so I could read the prophecy and noticed something in the Intro I think we all missed since I haven't seen anyone really talk about it. When naming the dorms, Luca obviously does not list Clemntia, but he also does not name Obscuary. When asked neither does Kaito, but I assume that is the seventh and "newest house of the current line up" he describes as "having no general students and even most ghoul students cannot join it... you cannot be assigned there by the Weighing of Souls." There is a rumor about "their captain being the one to-" and then he is cut off by Cornelius. Is that also related to the Clash? What is Ed rumored to have done?

... huh. I should. I should probably get back on the reddit or look at world chat. Or maybe join a guild that's got more active people in it that aren't french or a discord because this is the first I have heard of this. I want to make a lengthy post here at some point about what we know about Clementia from the story + some trivia stuff I have noticed but none of it really helps beyond suggesting that it's 1) vaguely church/holy themed and 2) has some roman and greek influences. Neither of which assist us in figuring out what happened to them.

For my part, my brain keeps turning towards the fact they seem to be responsible for "exorcisms" and that the ghouls have "lately" been refusing to capture the anomalies and insist on killing them. Darkwick has a lot of anomalies in their care, and as we see in Book 4 it can create them as well. I was wondering if maybe Clementia's duties extended past exorcising anomolies, were they also responsible for their proper storage? To me I feel like the ghouls (specifically Taiga) have a reason for thinking it is best to kill the anomalies instead of taking them back for study. My reasoning for this is mostly that I can't see Tohma, who makes a point to be in good standing with the school, actively whoops a daisying every single mission he does "just because." Whatever happened with the Clash clearly caused a break in relations between the school and its ghouls, based of Taiga saying the spy among them is trying to "make us ghouls look bad" I think the general belief among one faction (let's call them Tohma's Faction since he was the first one to bring up the spy) is that whatever happened was not actually the ghouls's fault. Perhaps even that things were instigated on purpose.

That feels like a lot of word vomit, basically what I am trying to say is that I don't think the ghouls trust the school with the care of anomalies at the moment, and that an anomaly of some sort is what was responsible for what happened to Clementia more so than the school itself. Perhaps a very powerful demon? I sort of get the feeling that whatever happened to Clementia was not whatever the instigator (if one exists) intended, if for no other reason than it was the only dorm destroyed. There's a chance this person wanted all of the ghouls destroyed, the school seems to think that the prophecy they keep is about a ghoul but I'm not so sure. "The whisper of the new moon will lead the champion to the academy on the solitary isle. So long as the champion resides there, the world shall be sheltered from profound tragedy." I could just be overthinking things but that doesn't really sound like something meant to encourage someone to be a protector of something... it sounds like instructions for a cage. Like as long as a specific thing is contained on the island, then the world will be safe.

Of course none of my thoughts exclude the idea Clementia was destroyed for finding something out, but to me it seems less like a punishment and more like a preemptive strike. If that makes any sense?

[hindahoney]

Hey, I hope you have a nice day :)

I am considering converting but I'll take some more time to overthink that. What do you think are some, or many, questions I should ask myself, before deciding?

I saw some people recommend to just go to a rabbi, even if you are not 100% sure, but since there are very little jewish people in my country, and only a handful of conversions a year, I assume it'll be something new for a rabbi too and I don't want to bother anyone.

So, I think this is a good time to address this. This is absolutely not because of this specific anon, but it's something that I get sent asks about on a daily basis.

I am no longer going to be answering questions about conversions. I will answer any other questions or concerns about Judaism, but I'm not giving advice about converting anymore. There's a few reasons for this. Namely because it's too close to proselytizing for me. Even though anons are coming to me to ask questions, I never want to come off like I am advocating for or influencing people to become Jewish.

I have answered the same questions multiple times, and still to this day get the same ones. I tag all of my stuff, so if someone really wanted to know something about conversions they should do the work to just search through my blog for what I have already said. It's not just me, either. Essentially any Jewish blogger has, at one point, had gentiles sending them questions about conversion unprompted. I strongly believe that if you really wanted to learn about Judaism, that if you were sincere and serious about converting, you should at least read up a little online before going to ask basic questions to random Jews online. Not every Jewish person is comfortable with this, not every Jewish person should be expected to be the spokesperson for the tribe.

Every question about conversion can be answered with "Ask your Rabbi." If you have too much anxiety or other obstacles in your way that prevent you from speaking to a Rabbi, you cannot convert, and that's your answer.

By no means does this mean that I don't like or appreciate converts. I've made a lot of posts in support and admiration for those who have completed the process. But at this point almost all of the asks I get are from people asking me basic questions about conversion that 1. I have answered multiple times, and 2. That would take a quick Google search to find the answer for. If you're not willing to put in the work for a Google search, or for a search through my or other bloggers tags about conversion, you do not have the drive to get through the conversion process. Which is fine, it isn't meant for everyone! But expecting a random Jew online to do the legwork for you isn't fair. I've taken many hours (weeks, if you include reading through all of them) compiling sources of books, podcasts, websites, etc all dedicated to learning about Judaism and have posted links to all of them. There are a million books out there for really any question you might have, even free articles from places like Chabad, Sefaria, or myjewishlearning.

If you have specific questions, other than just "advice about converting?" I will gladly answer those, but I will no longer be answering question about conversion resources, how to convert, should I convert, etc.

[oscurascout]

Y/N As A Doorman

From That's Not My Neighbor game

Note - The D.D.D agent will be a sort of OC like he will just be there for the fun of the story but won't be that important (unless people want, ... I finally discover the read more thing, 😅).

Part 5 (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10)

A whole week has passed since the Hoon incident, and the D.D.D still hasn't returned him, which has been making me, not only angry but to also overthink. I also tried to find the doppelgänger who hurt him, yet it's easier said than done. After all, I can't just go ahead and ask them. Instead, I just said 'Hoon', and I got a lot of reactions from every doppelgänger; everyone reacted in anger. I also acquired a weapon, a taser, which my father had bought for me while I was still working.

Today, I was at work, the same old routine. At this point, I didn't even need to check the ID or folders because now I knew everything like the back of my hand, though I still checked if I had my suspicions.

I let Mr. Gauss in before he tried to flirt with me. After my first week, he started to flirt with me, but as a joke, or at least I hope it's a joke. I was about to look at my phone when I saw someone else come in; it was a D.D.D agent. “What can I do for you?” I asked a bit annoyed.

D.D.D Agent - “I see you are still angry at us *chuckles*. Don't worry, your friend will be released tomorrow.”

“Really!?” I asked, surprised that they had actually listened to my requests and pleas. “He must be a high-ranking person for the D.D.D to want to release Hoon,” I thought as I tried to figure out what they were truly aiming for.

D.D.D Agent - “We are going to leave him at your home, but there is a catch.”

I looked at him angrily, “Ugh, what is it now?” I asked, very angry.

D.D.D Agent - “First, let me in, please.”

I groaned and pressed the green button; they entered and got into the office.

D.D.D Agent - *chuckles* “Okay, the second thing to say is that he is going to have to stay with you. After all, there is a very high probability that he was exiled from the group. Every time you called us to get rid of the doppelgängers, they would all scream for your friend and scream at us to 'kill the traitor.' Obviously, they all got wiped out, but it did lead us to believe that he was exiled from the doppelgängers. Therefore, he cannot return to them, or something worse will happen to him, which led us to decide that you'll become his guardian.”

“What do you think was the cause?” I asked, looking at the floor.

D.D.D Agent - “That is a possibility, but we think, it was a problem caused between him and his kind, since we did find more injuries from some time ago, showing that he probably fought against them. These are all theories, so don't overthink it.”

“Well, anything else?” I asked, somehow knowing that he was leaving something out.

D.D.D Agent - “We would like to get both yours and his approval to observe him. We already have his approval; we only need yours.”

“Observe him?” I asked, confused and annoyed at them.

D.D.D Agent - “Yes, even though he has been exiled, he is still a doppelgänger, which could help us in our research. As you know, ever since these creatures appeared, we haven't truly gathered useful information or any important information for that matter. Therefore, with your friend's help, we may come to know these creatures more and maybe, someday, truly make the world safe again. And don't worry, we'll make sure to keep him safe.”

I thought about it; it was actually a very good thing. Hoon would be safe, and they would get their research. “What type of observation will you be making?” I asked, just to be sure.

D.D.D Agent - “Well, we were thinking about normal stuff—what they eat besides humans, what they like, or just anything that he shows us, even if it is his personal opinion on things. It could still help us.”

“Alright, then when are you going to bring him home?” I asked in case I'll have to leave work early.

D.D.D Agent - “Don't worry, I'll bring him to your home and stay with him while you work.”

“Huh? Wait, what?” I asked, perplexed.

D.D.D Agent - “Yes, this is a protocol measure in which any D.D.D agent has to be there with you to protect you, in case your friend turns aggressive, and also because of the observation matter.”

“So, you'll live with me?” I asked, even more perplexed.

D.D.D Agent - *with happiness in his voice* “Yes!”

“No,” I said quickly.

D.D.D Agent - “What!? But you need someone to protect you.”

“I can do that myself,” I said without hesitation.

D.D.D Agent - “Then what about the observation?”

“I can also do that. Actually, I think Hoon would prefer me over you watching him,” I said. They seemed unable to argue with me any further. I sighed, “Why do you insist so much on living with us?” I asked, confused.

D.D.D Agent - “Well, because I've always found doppelgängers interesting. That was the whole reason why I joined the D.D.D—to be able to see them up close and see how they truly are. Yet, the sad reality is that I'm never sent to deal with them. I only get to briefly see them while I have to do a ton of paperwork.”

I thought about it. I didn't think Hoon would ever attack me, but that wouldn't be the same for all the others who were after Hoon. “Okay, you can stay with me, but you will have to pay me in some way,” I said with a smirk.

D.D.D Agent - *surprised* “Huh?”

“What did you think? That you could live with me and not do anything? Well, nope. If you want to stay, then you will either pay rent or do house chores,” I said, smiling. Even with the mask, I could feel them overthinking their life decisions. “So this is the power that parents feel,” I thought as they began to mutter to themselves.

[chairofchaos]

AO3 Chaos

I invite anyone who is interested to 1) Respond to these questions and 2) TELL ME WHAT YOUR AO3 IS SO I CAN FIND YOU THERE!

Thank you @c-starstuff-man0 for the tag! (I think someone else also tagged me but I could not find it- so thank you to you, as well, whoever you are!)

1. How many works do you have on AO3? I currently have 7 works up on AO3.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 26,150. (That will easily double when I start posting Letters of Love, since LoL is already about 40,000 words. Oops!)

3. What fandoms do you write for? On AO3, currently only ACOTAR and Crescent City (so, SJM Universe stuff)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (I linked my AO3 at the bottom if you want to go check any of these out!)

The Power of Jewelry (Azris, fluff)

When the Blood Burns (Azris, angst/MCD stuff)

Stormy Night in the Library (Azriel x Reader, fluff)

Death & All That Follows (Azris, definitely angst at this point). This is hilarious because it’s only half done and I’m not sure I like the ending I’ve written, which means it could go happy or sad and I don’t know how to feel about that.

Even In the Dark (Cassian x Reader, hurt/comfort and kind of fluffy) I won’t lie I had to revisit this one to remember what it was lol

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes, and I’m mean about it. Sorry to anyone who has been on the receiving end of a teasing chaos comment. I maybe have too much fun dangling teasers like carrots on a stick...

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hahahha. Uh. Probably When the Blood Burns. For now, anyways.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? (Do I write happy endings?) Stormy Night in the Library takes my vote for this, though Say It’s True (Mor x Emerie) is also cute and ends happily. I love them. 

8. Do you write smut? Yes. There are some smutty elements to things I have posted. I haven’t written anything specifically for smut though.

9. Do you write crossovers? Nothing that’s posted.

10. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Uh… not on AO3! (But if you want to check out the Gold Star Crack Headcanons @ninthcircleofprythian and I wrote a little bit ago here they are!)

12. What is your all-time favorite ship? Please. Please don’t hate me. I’ve been on a Dramione train for years now. I know it’s controversial. I can’t get them out of my head.

13. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Would it be bad if I said “Letters of Love”? No. I want to finish it so badly. I do. I’m just scared. I’m working on it, I swear. It just feels monstrous at this point. 

In actuality, I think it’s the crossover that I’m working on. It’s a Throne of Glass/ACOTAR/Crescent City monstrosity that would be roughly 400 9x11 pages long, 12 pt font single spaced with formatting. It started as a romance, morphed into a second-gen TOG x ACOTAR throuple adventure and political drama. Now I just don’t know what to do with it because the universe I’ve imagined for this is so insane and I cannot do it justice.

14. What are your writing strengths? I write with my whole heart, and I care about every word. I’ve been practicing for years.

15. What are your writing weaknesses? Mental illness. Procrastination. Writing 10k in 24 hours and then never finishing that work. I overthink everything. Next question. Please.

16. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I love it. However, I much prefer it when it’s canon that the character speaks another language. I feel awkward prescribing languages to characters unless it’s some sort of AU. I read an incredible Azris AU (linked HERE, check the tags please, written by the wonderful @annaskareninas for Azris Week) where Eris is Italian, and it worked beautifully because it was an AU! But if I was writing in universe, I would have a harder time making Eris speak Italian because for all we know they’re speaking Fae Language We Don't Have a Name For and Italian doesn’t exist in the universe. It’s a mental block for me. I don't mind reading it though!

17. First fandom you wrote for? …Harry Potter. It was 2011, okay?! However, the first I ever POSTED was Percy Jackson. Don't ask me where they ended up, it was a long time ago and those secrets were lost to the sea

18. Favorite fic you’ve written? When the Blood Burns. It hurts just right.

Tags (no pressure!): @positivelyruined @annaskareninas @ ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS! Also, let me know what your AO3 is in replies or reblogs. I need to follow more of you over there <3

My AO3 is keyboard_clacks, or chairofchaos. I post and respond to comments under both pseuds! Find Me Here!

[the-inbetween-sp]

APRIL 25th

Middle school teacher: alright class before we finish the day I want to announce that there will be a school trip this Monday , We will go to a camping trip for 3 days to learn how to bound with nature and how to survive in the wild so go home now and get some rest and we meet on Monday! Bell rings !

Jimmy: f-finely something f-f-f-fun this year !! Clyde: I know right we didn’t do anything exciting this year Token: we should definitely prank the girls it will be so fun Craig: can’t wait for Monday Tweek: me too Craig: will see you on Monday guys bye !!

Craig: can’t wait for Monday Tweek: me too man Craig: I wish we could skip the time to Monday Tweek: no no if wait we get more excited and we would have more time to plan what we can do for pranks and w- wait time ghaaa time what’s the time Craig ?!! Craig: 14:50 Tweek: ghaaaa I’m late again to work my dad is gonna kill me aughhh I have to go !! Craig: a-alright I’ll pick you up at 22:00 to walk you home so we can spend some time together Tweek: alright se yaaaa byeee Craig: bye babe

Craig: I guess I have to walk home alone… again I wish Tweek’s parents didn’t let him work he barely have time for hisself…

APRIL 27th the day of the trip:

Craig: I guess Tweek already slept.. he only knows how to sleep in buses, he’s so cute …

Craig: w-what the fuck is that ! I’ve never seen something like this !! Should I tell the boys.. no no they will think I’m stupid .. Tweek ? No he will freak out!!… the teacher ? No way ..

Craig: w-why no one noticed it ?! What if this is the end of the world or a portal to another world or a- stop overthinking Craig … you didn’t see anything alright ?!

Tweek: Craig is everything alright Craig: yeah I’m f-fine why?? Tweek: nothing you were juts squeezing my hand hard I thought you wanted something… are you nervous about something.. is there’s something you wanna talk about Craig ?! Craig: oh I see… I’m sorry if I bothered you from your sleep hon and I was just nervous because didn’t get the best sleep tonight from excitement !! Tweek: it’s ok you can sleep until we arrive ! Craig: nah no need because we arrive in one minute Tweek: whoa 40 minutes passed

Clyde: I can’t wait to prank the girls I had plans no one ever imagined here Stan: you guys I don’t think it’s a good idea to prank the girls b- Eric: awww someone is scared to get yelled at by the teachers or his girlfriend Kyle: no he’s right… didn’t you remember what happened last time we pranked the girls ?!! Token: yeah,that really sucked Tweek: yeah I don’t even wanna remember how many days I got grounded aghhhh- Jimmy: it sucks that we won’t be p-p-pranking anyone

Tweek: but no one said we will stop the pranks Jimmy… we’re boys we can have more fun together… we didn’t get all the supplies and the cheese sauce sprays for nothing… or the fake spiders we got Eric: who said the spiders I have is fake Craig: eww what the fuck Eric Eric: heheh Jimmy: l-let’s go boys p-pranks night Everyone: wohoooo Eric: looks like tonight is the night that Kyle dies Kyle: shut up

A FEW HOURS LATER

Clyde: guys a-are you sure it’s a great idea to go to the lake that late??? Craig: cmon Clyde don’t be such a cry baby Tweek said there is a lot of interesting shit in there Tweek: Yeahh I remember when I went here with my parents we saw a hunted cabin Clyde: Tweek you’re not scared of hunted stuff???

Tweek: as long as Craig is next to my side I’ll be fine… I mean I can definitely defend myself alone but I just get anxious that’s why I need Craig by my side

Craig: Tweek how many times I told you … you cannot rely on anyone you only need to have some confidence Tweek: a lot of times … Craig: what’s the point if you don’t listen Tweek: I’m trying my best dude Craig: I know…

Craig:now cmon Clyde everyone is waiting you boy Clyde: I- Tweek: cmon before it’s 00:00 Craig: yeah before a ghost comes and haunt you or something

Clyde: ughh- fine fine !!!.. God…

Kenny: Clyde is such a cry baby it’s just a hunted lake nothing will happened… man Craig: I know right ..!! Tweek: yeh Eric: I always told you Clyde is such a lame you never listened Craig: yeah but even if Clyde is like the lamest person ever he’s still my best friend so you better watch it Eric Stan: you guys I’m glad we went here alone without the other boys Craig: I agree with Stan Eric: real imagine if we brought pip here with us it would be so lame Token: lameeee Kyle: or Damian he it will definitely be so not cool Eric: finely Kyle said something I can agree with Craig: seriously though it’s better if it’s just 9 of us I mean we’ve been all that kind of Tweek: 9 of us we were always that friend rivals friend group Craig: yeah Stan: for real that’s why I think we like trust each others… Kenny: except for Eric Jimmy: guys we never talked about how we feel about each other as a friend group b-before this is weird Kyle: I mean we should in some part of life admit our feelings to the people we like Stan: right Eric: what the fuck guys you’re making me feel like this is my last day what the heck Tweek: g-guys ? Kenny: what Tweek: I feel like something is missing Kyle: more like someone Stan: no it’s not another prank you too are pulling … not now !! Kenny: ahh— where’s Clyde ??? Craig: Clyde what do you mean he’s right behind me se-

Craig: C-Clyde???!!!

[spoiledleaff]

Why did you disappear for so long?? I feel like you abandoned your blog and friends and stuff for a bit lol Are you okay??

sure. let's talk about this :) i've had a lot of asks lately asking if i was okay during my hiatus//if i'm okay now that i'm trying to make an effort to come back, and, the short answer is no. i'm not.

i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (bpd).

cw :: massive vent + personal, medical talk regarding my mental health and thought process. honestly just a lot of oversharing, because i don't have an outlet for this irl, haha! for all intents + purposes, everything below this line is a trauma-dump. please take care of yourself.

for unnecessary context, haha! i went on a hiatus for about half a year, abandoned this blog, destroyed many old wips and interactions i had with the ghost fandom + distanced myself from the friends i've made on this site through ao3 and/or tumblr with no context or goodbyes. my mental health was, and continues to be, in shambles.

i had a homelessness scare + a series of bad physical health scares that almost led me to a brain cancer diagnosis, so... that was fun, haha. but this is probably the main thing.

borderline personality disorder (bpd) is a mental health condition that mainly affects people through extreme mood swings, unstable relationships, trouble controlling their emotions, + often times self-destructive behavior. one of the main symptoms that most people with bpd suffer is fear/perception of abandonment + a constant feeling of emptiness. in addition to this, i have a deeply ingrained socially anxious mindset + i am neurodivergent.

it runs in my family. and, apparently, its running its course through me as well, haha.

i am exhausted. i find myself stuck in an endless cycle, especially on this site, where i am so incredibly excited to interact with the people i've been fortunately enough to find on this site through my work but i distance myself almost immediately when i worry that i start to get too close to someone.

i am so afraid of being abandoned/left behind, that i would rather abandon someone else and disappear.

as a side effect of my bpd, i mainly struggle with paranoia, disassociation, a short temper, feelings of emptiness + an unreliable self-image.

this, unfortunately, affects my relationships here a lot.

i hate my work. i hate myself. sometimes i even hate my friends and then that always spirals into hating their friends, even if it's people who i know are lovely or i have never even fucking met before. i hate this site + ao3, i hate my fandoms, i hate this blog, and i sometimes find myself hating everyone and everything i've ever known and seen. it's a constant cycle of hatred followed by an emptiness that my work will never be good enough, my friendships will never be good enough, my stories will never be good enough, and i will never be good enough. i rarely find joy in these things anymore.

i find myself so desperate + anxious for a little bit of positive social interaction that i overthink every possible scenario, panic, and then vaguely cut ties before i think the other person will.

i cannot begin to describe to you the constant debate i have with myself about whether or not i should delete this blog, permanently remove everything and anything i've ever written on ao3, before inevitably trying to start anew with maybe another penname, another account.

but i've always liked routine. calling myself some variation of 'leaff' on the internet is a part of that. i don't know what else to call myself—people would know it's me.

i'd really like that. i'd fucking hate it too.

so, i've distanced myself from the fandoms + from the people who interact with my content. i do the bare minimum with friends, and sometimes not even that. i ghost people always, worry about what to say next to the point that i've genuinely convinced myself that i've responded, i do the bare minimum, wash, rinse, repeat.

i post my shit, giggle about this and debate about that, disappear for a bit, before inevitably coming back.

i do enjoy the work that i do, sometimes i'm even proud of it. but it's such an inconsistent whirlwind in my mind that i find myself hating it all just as a default.

if you're someone who has had the misfortune of interacting with me, and you wonder if i hate you. i don't.

i promise. not like that, at least.

i'm not going to therapy for this; i can't afford it. i'm trying to find a way to possibly be medicated for this, but i don't have the greatest insurance. i'm trying to train myself into a nicer, more positive mindset; it's hard.

but i'm trying. i'm still very uneducated about this. i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i might be aroace. i think it's why my writing is getting worse, or, at least, why i've been so distraught and unhappy with it. i think this might tie into why i'm so afraid to post anything other than porn; i think it might also be why i'm starting to hate writing it.

i think i'm still coming to terms with the fact that i'm simply unhappy with life, haha.

i didn't mean for this to become such a huge ramble — i think that's why i'm answering this at such an unpopular//late time, haha! — but i've had a surprising amount of asks in my inbox asking about me.

it's weird. i'm not really used to that. i think that's part of the reason why it took me so long.

regardless, this is why i disappeared. this is why i've been distant, this is why i ghosted you, and this is what will probably happen again in the near future. at least it's consistent, i guess.

thank you for your concern. if you made it this far, damn. i wish i had your attention span sometimes, haha. also i'm sorry for never answering your messages or for never reaching out in the first place. it's very easy to convince myself that you don't want me to, that i might be a trophy friend, that what we had was never real.

i'm sorry that after all this time this is how you might be hearing about it.

thank you for being patient with me.

i'm sorry you have to be so patient to begin with.

i think that's all i have to say :) it's a new road for me, and it's one that i don't want to travel. but i have to. i think it might help me in the long run if i do this all now.

so... yeah! :) haha, a bit of leafy lore, if you will. just, maybe not the fun kind, haha!

[altschmerzes]

do you have any tips for how to get yourself to write, and more importantly, how to like your writing? i used to be so confident and sure of my skills in writing but recently it seems like i can never put down actual words, and when i do they just come out flat. it’s the worst possible time for this to be happening too 😭 i really look up to you as a writer and admire your dedication and your ability to write consistently so if you can, help please!! 🙏

first of all thank you so much for your lovely words!!! i'm beyond flattered that i'm someone you look up to in writing, you're so kind to say so, and i've been pleased with my own consistency recently tbh. it's not always like that, i go through long stretches not being able to get myself to write, which is always frustrating and upsetting.

anyways in terms of getting yourself to write and, more importantly, to like what you're writing, here's what i've got for you my friend!

telling yourself that you're not going to care about it being perfect is the only way to get through it, i think. i do what i call 'flashdrafting' which is the fastest and shittiest version of something. i don't even pay attention to punctuation and full sentences, i just slam through stream of consciousness as much as possible without thinking about it. i get really into the groove doing that and then i move that text to the bottom half of my screen and type at the top, just retyping what i wrote into full sentences and paragraphs, adding details, etc. it helps me not overthink things too much.

i also do sprints in discord! i'm in a couple of servers with people i write with and doing those timed writing exercises helps me not only get a couple sentences out at least, it engages a communal aspect that is really helpful to me. of course this only works if you have like. a server to write with people in, but similar effects can be achieved setting a timer for five, ten, fifteen minutes etc. or just telling yourself fuck it, i'm adding 100 words to this story.

writing the parts you're excited about first can also help, i think. of course then it's a pain in the ass to go back and lay the groundwork for them or connect the scenes but sometimes that helps you realize that maybe you didn't need the parts you weren't excited about in the first place, or it'll give you motivation to get through those parts.

if you feel like you really hate what you're writing, switch to something else. that's what i do. i think it's really easy to get n one's own head with any creative endeavour, especially writing. you probably hate it mostly bc you wrote it. i end up hating a lot of the stuff i write and even if i'm lying to myself when i say it, i get through that by telling myself 'you hate it bc you wrote it, it's not that bad'

and, finally, having people to write with/get excited about writing with/hype your writing up. i cannot emphasize how critical this is. i would not have gotten anywhere in any of my projects if it weren't for the wonderful people - here, on anon or with a name attached, or in my dms, or otherwise - who are cheering me on and hyping me up and getting excited with me. it's hard to feel like your writing is garbage when someone you respect and enjoy talking to is telling you it rules, yknow? and it can be hard to build that kind of community but honestly, it's just about showing up i think. join a server if one exists, start messaging with writers you like, just start posting about your writing. building that community is like. i wouldn't be writing nearly as much as i do as often as i do if i didn't know it mattered to other people too.

[consumeroflemoans]

So some more small stuff for the lighthouse AU, on an unrelated note I've also been considering giving myself an anon name considering my insistence on announcing myself along with the amount of asks I send in

Vil comes to in a tub of water looking up at the weirdest looking eighteen year old he's ever seen staring at him with all the subtlety of a screaming sperm whale

As mentioned when first meeting they did not get along, Vil was downright personally offended by Idias lack of effort and readiness to just give up, when he asked the guy who's supposed to keep everyone safe, who's supposed to be a wall between the inhabitants of the very waters he lives in and that which craves to invade them how to get out he was laughed at!

Idia cannot stand how much of a fuss Vil is making, like it's such a big deal to be trapped here, he's been doing it since he was like four feet tall and He's Fine and he just can't shake off the bitterness of having to endure this shit for longer after thinking that maybe, just maybe something could work out

But when you forcefully live together you're bound to see each other a lot, though Idia tries to spend as much time upstairs as possible because it's not like Vil could go there and Vil has definetly splashed Idia with the water in his tub at least once

In that regard I also think that as soon as they would start actually getting closer and being friendly with each other Idia would be constantly overthinking everything, you have to remember Idia hasn't even seen a living persons face in eight years, if your only exposure to what interaction is supposed to be like are the story books you took with you when you were ten, whatever writings the former keepers of the lighthouse left you with, believe me they weren't any more well-adjusted, and whatever the ghosts of the shipwrecked scream at you, while he's fully expecting for everything to go completly wrong, he's also... Eager he thinks, kind of excited he thinks, he hasn't felt that in a good while

So he's really intent on not fucking it up, takes out his most well loved books and scrunges up whatever melancholic reflection on past love he can get out of the diaries and the ghosts wailing and writes himself up a list of Things-That-Vil-Will-Definetly-Like, needless to say Vil is very confused

Vil doesn't have much knowledge on what happens above sea, there's a reason merfolk is only seen in myths and fables on land, but he tries to fill in Idia as best has he can on any major changes and advances made while he was absent and lets him compare what his books say with his own experiences

The whole tower is filled with tinkering and little knick knacks made out of whatever Idia could get his hands on while bored, Vil is fascinated, there's at least one of those incredibly elaborate marble runs set up throughout the tower though it's started catching dust by now, Vil specifically takes a liking to a small metal crafted merman Idia made out of some of the cutlery in his second year there, it used to be part of a lovingly made mobile (I'm not sure about that translation so I'm adding a description: One of those things you hang up and they have stuff hanging from them) with little figures of everything he wanted to see and everything he misses, with the sticks being made out of the wood from his and Orthos boat, that he used to stare at, it's long been stuffed into a drawer and the string has come loose, the metal has rusted, as Vil leaves it is with it clasped in his hands

Giving the symbol of your lost hope to the person you believe in more than anyone, who has made you believe more than anyone and such

When he looks around he notices something odd about the ceiling as well, someone drew on it, little dots of ink, some are connected, but they're smudged like someone tried to remove them and then he recognises that they're stars

The area around the lighthouse is an odd thing, the sky never seems to be visible, it's always equally dark and equally empty as if something had swallowed up every heavenly body or the universe itself was too scared to look upon these waters

Also great to hear the enthusiasm about the sea monsters, I always love when I can put some kind of creature into something, in the last ask I tried to imply that the place they're trapped in has something very wrong with it, what I was imagening was that the monsters do not evolve to fit the area they're in, but the very space and reality around them warps to fit itself to them ever so slowly, shifting the laws of nature which is also why the lighthouse keeper gets progressively more fucked up and non-human looking the longer he does his job

At some point Idia tries his damndest to put his weak noodle arms into action and "carries", more accurately drags, Vil all the way up the stairs of the lighthouse while his tail bumps into every step and Idia is wheezing out his breaths until they eventually reach the top and Vil gets to overlook the space they're trapped in for the first time as the light roams over the waves

POV Mer Vil Schoenheit learns what depression is

No but actually I love the thought of Vil and Idia disliking each other at first before getting to know each other. They’re very different people and they’ve had their idealized versions of each other shattered. But they’re stuck together so they have to get along.

Mmmmgm I love the thought of Idia reading books to Vil and explaining the concepts inside of them. Vil may not even be able to read human languages and even if he can, Idia’s not risking water damage on the only source of entertainment he has.

Vil watching Idia, fascinated by all these human concepts is so cute to me.

ALSO I love the thought of Vil being fascinated by little trinkets. The fish brain going oooh shiny.

GIVING THR SYMBOL OF YOUR LOST HOPE TO THE PERSON YOU BELIEVE IN MORE THAN ANYONE. ANON I AM SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN

Oooh damn I love your ideas with the lighthouse itself. The actual water adapting to fit the creatures that inhabit it is fascinating. Mmmgngn this could have some really fun horror aspects to it and man I love me some water based horror.

OMG IM SOBBJNG Idia with his twig arms trying to haul a whole ass fish man up a lighthouse is a hilarious thought. But Vil gets what he wants and that man is seeing the outside.

Man I want them to be happy so much, but also the angst here is too good. They deserve to kiss and also suffer