#for the truth and trust thing i have two specific fics that i'm thinking of

[allsassnoclass]

yes good hello!!! may i know about 7, 10, 11, 13, and 25! and i love you sm :) xoxo

@clumsyclifford hi bella! thanks for asking love you too <3

7. What’s a topic you would like to explore? truth and trust! and the intersection of those two! and how to trust someone who isn't truthful and how to tell the truth to someone you don't know if you trust and how to trust someone again when you thought you knew the true them and have been proven wrong.

10. Do you always have a clear image before starting a piece? usually kind of! for fics, i have a general vision and it becomes and increasingly and increasingly clear. i usually know the beginning and the end for sure, with a few touchstone moments in the middle. for moodboards i have a pretty clear image, which can be an issue when i can't find the pictures i want and am not sure how to pivot. all of my moodboards end up looking very different from what i intially envision lol

11. What part of the process of creating brings you the most joy? probably brainstorming tbh! letting plots or ideas come to me and figuring out what's happening and getting to the point where i feel confident enough to start. it also kind of stresses me out because i have so many ideas, but i really like creating worlds and coming up with stories or envisioning moodboards.

13. Is there something you’d like to see created but you know you can’t/won’t do yourself? short answer: no <3 if i can envision something enough to want it, i envision it enough to want to make it myself. i always most enjoy other people's creations when it's something i myself would've never thought of or been able to visualize, such as megs's faking the moon landing fic. i never would've come up with that idea myself, so i enjoy reading it so much more! same with all of my moodboard ideas, with the exception of some moodboards for my fics (like the black coffee and sulfur one that maya made <3) because for my own fics i sometimes draw a huge blank on what should go in a mb, which doesn't typically happen when making a mb for someone else's fic or for my pairings as albums series. if i have an idea for something, i typically want to make it myself rather than have someone else make it

25. Tell us a little known fact about something you’ve made uhhhhhhhhhhh omg. what am i going to say. what have i made that i haven't talked extensively about. OH! in pas de deux harry styles was originally supposed to be a character. i had a scene where michael called him on the phone. they were exes. they danced together at abt. however i wrote him out lol he isn't mentioned in the fic anymore. it just didn't fit.

[ineedtorantaboutjiangcheng]

Fuck, I'm here again. Goddammit. I've been doing well. I've been keeping Jiang Cheng off my mind (and my computer screen). Things have been peaceful.

And then today happened.

Again, a fic. Again, not naming names, both because that's rude and also because this issue is hardly specific to one fic alone. I've seen it many times.

But I've been pacing for half an hour, too agitated to keep reading, so I'm just gonna get this off my chest, and then skim through the fic 'til it stops talking about it.

I need to talk about the golden core reveal.

Specifically, I need to talk about an attitude I've seen cropping up recently in a lot of fics. (By recently, I don't mean it's only recent fics that do it, just that I've only noticed it recently.)

So it'll be a fic, usually canon divergent, but prior to the golden core reveal. Wen Ning or Wen Qing will often be involved (though I can think of a few times it was Lan Wangji). And the character, who knows the truth about the golden core transfer, will urge Wei Wuxian to tell Jiang Cheng.

They'll say "you have to tell him". They'll say "he'll find out eventually". They'll say "he deserves to know".

And... the fic will support this.

Will frame Wei Wuxian as irrational, paranoid even, to keep it secret.

Will sometimes even punish him, narratively, for his "failure" to disclose such a thing.

And I am... completely baffled.

Where the fuck is this coming from?

I suppose, if I'm being generous, I can kind of see why an individual sympathising with Jiang Cheng might have a knee-jerk reaction to this. If you see them as being essentially family, the idea that a family member that you love deeply, keeping what amounts to both a huge sacrifice and a massive disability from you would be extremely painful. You might feel hurt, that they didn't tell you. Angry, at the implied lack of trust.

I get it, as an emotional response you might have in the moment. I don't find it particularly relatable, but I can follow the thought process.

But like... that's an emotional response. Surely, at some point, logic has to kick in, right?

Because the thing is. Okay, there's two aspects to the secret, right? One, is that a medical procedure was done to Jiang Cheng, sort of like an organ transplant, I suppose, but he wasn't told that the organ was donated by Wei Wuxian. And the other is that Wei Wuxian made this huge sacrifice for Jiang Cheng, and didn't tell him.

But thinking about this for even five minutes should tell you that... neither of those things are actually Wei Wuxian's responsibility to deal with?

The first one is the by far the more common argument I've seen. I've read fics where Wen Ning and Wen Qing are tortured with guilt over having performed the procedure without telling Jiang Cheng all the details. I've even seen people have them blame Wei Wuxian, for demanding they keep it secret, had them secretly resent him for it. He's portrayed as deeply selfish, for keeping the truth of Jiang Cheng's operation from him.

But the thing is... if you're going to apply modern medical ethics to the situation... Wei Wuxian was in the right? They all were?

Under modern medical ethics, you have no right to know the identity of your organ donor. That can feel a little weird (it's probably why people often have a knee-jerk reaction that demands the opposite); after all, it's my body, shouldn't I have a right to know where the organ that goes in it comes from? What if it has cooties?

But according to medical ethics, the donor's right to medical privacy is more protected that the recipient's right to that information. Right to medical privacy is pretty highly valued; it kind of ties into body autonomy, which is kind of the keystone of... most modern ethics. You have a right to control what happens to your body, and that includes controlling whether or not people know about any medical conditions/procedures. So you might have an emotional response, thinking Jiang Cheng is valid for being upset that his golden core came from Wei Wuxian without him knowing, but... ethically, Wei Wuxian has the right to withhold that information.

But! some scarecrow says, If a person has the right to control what procedures happen to their body, surely that means Jiang Cheng has a right to control what happens to his own body! Therefore, the procedure was still unethical, because he didn't know everything!

And I say, well... not really. The reality is, we don't actually know how much Jiang Cheng was told. He was told to walk up a mountain, lie to the person he encountered about his identity, and ask for a golden core. And he left that mountain with said golden core... but we don't know how much Wen Qing told him when he reached the top. We know he believed Wen Qing was the Baoshan Sanren. We know he received a fully developed core, not just the ability to form a new one. Was he told that the core was from someone else? Were there signs of the transfer? Did he know the chance of success/failure? Did he not find any of the situation dubious?

(Did he really spend two and a half years fighting a war alongside, and then running a sect for a year with, someone and not realise they didn't use orthodox cultivation even once?)

The truth is, a doctor is required to inform a patient of risks, and answer any questions they ask. Wen Qing may well have disclosed the risk (if there was any to Jiang Cheng, other than potentially the transfer failing) prior to the surgery, we just don't know. We don't have any evidence that Jiang Cheng asked any questions, and from what we see in the novel, it seems likely that he simply didn't want to know. He got a core, his life was somewhat back on track; we never see any evidence of curiosity or confusion in him as to the specifics of how that happened.

The only lie we are sure that he was told was the identity of the person who he met on the mountain, who "gave" him the core. I could be petty and point out that as he was also lying about his identity, it kind of cancels out, but that would be a bit ridiculous, and unnecessary besides. The truth is, ethically, Wen Qing could have knocked him out and performed the surgery from the comfort of her own office. Because one of, if not the main reason you can ethically violate someone's body autonomy... is to save a life. And Jiang Cheng, after losing first his family and sect, and then his golden core, displayed clear suicidal ideation. He indicated, repeatedly, that he wanted to die. He refused food. Wei Wuxian even doubled checked, before giving him hope of getting a new core, that he was serious! (Rereading that scene is horrible; Wei Wuxian's dread, and eventual resignation/resolve becomes very apparent once you know what's happening).

The characters around him, including a trained doctor, believed that if he didn't get a new core, he would give up and die. Under those circumstances, a doctor has authority to make medical decisions, without a patients consent, if they believe it is a medical emergency. Wen Qing was an unquestionably brilliant doctor; if she believed doing the surgery was the right/necessary decision, who the hell are we to dispute her?

So, to be clear, under modern medical ethics (which seems to be what is being applied in these claims), Wen Qing has the right to do whatever surgery she feels necessary to save the life of her patient, no consent needed, and Wei Wuxian has the right to keep his identity as the donor a secret, since that's his own private medical history. Modern medical ethics (a bit ridiculous, when talking about magic powers, but I've seen the argument) supports our protagonist.

Now, onto the other thing. This is a lot less... ethics discussion and a lot more feels-bad-so-wrong type thing. Wei Wuxian kept the loss of his golden core a secret.

Jiang Cheng being upset by this is understandable. Like I said, I can follow the emotion/logic. Someone keeping a big secret from you can be hurtful.

But just because it's hurtful to you, doesn't mean they're in the wrong to do it!

If someone I cared about kept a massive secret from me, and I found out, I'd be upset! But my first thought would be 'Why did they feel they couldn't tell me?' And the answer here is obvious; Wei Wuxian didn't think he could tell Jiang Cheng because he knew he'd be horrible about it! Wei Wuxian admits, after the reveal, that the process of losing his core was distressing, and that he wasn't as okay with it as he pretended to be. If something like that happens to you (not... that it can, but, you know, equivalent), and you're struggling to hold it together, the last thing you want is someone you care about yelling at you about it, insulting you, making you feel bad for what happened!

Wei Wuxian didn't tell Jiang Cheng because he knew Jiang Cheng would be awful to him because of it. Jiang Cheng's jealousy when they were young was something Wei Wuxian felt he had to manage*, and he knew Jiang Cheng would feel inadequate if he realised his accomplishments were made with Wei Wuxian's core. And he would then lash out at Wei Wuxian for it, at a time when Wei Wuxian was already feeling emotionally fragile. Hell, nearly twenty years later, Jiang Cheng getting up in his face was enough to cause a Qi deviation; I can't imagine it would have been better any sooner!

No one wants to think of the people they love keeping secrets from them. And sometimes, people who keep secrets are doing it for their own sake, because they're scared, or unsure, or guilty, or whatever. But sometimes, when a person keeps a secret, the reason is not internal. If someone acts horribly to you when you tell them things, you're going to stop telling them things. And the person responsible for that gap in communication is them; all you're doing is protecting yourself.

And before anyone thinks that I'm assigning reasoning to Wei Wuxian that he doesn't have; he essentially admits it. After the reveal, Wei Wuxian states that he knew Jiang Cheng would react badly (though he didn't expect it to be quite so bad). Wei Wuxian is shown to have been managing Jiang Cheng's moods since they were young**, it's probably not the first secret he's kept. But that's kind of just... how that works; if a king kills every person who brings him bad news, eventually, all his advisors will only ever bring him good news. And he has no one to blame when his kingdom falls but himself.

SO. tl;dr. Modern medical ethics supports Wen Qing performing the golden core transfer, and Wei Wuxian keeping his identity as the donor a secret. Jiang Cheng can be upset at Wei Wuxian for not telling him that he no longer has a core, but it's not unethical, or selfish, and the nature of their relationship, with Jiang Cheng lashing out with impunity and Wei Wuxian trying to manage his moods, meant that secrets like that were pretty much inevitable. Unhealthy relationships are unhealthy. Truly, newsworthy take.

And one final note, on Wei Wuxian keeping secrets from Jiang Cheng and being portrayed as selfish for doing so; I have yet to see a. single. fic. that says Wei Wuxian keeping his sacrifice secret is wrong, but then goes on hold Jiang Cheng equally accountable for keeping his sacrifice secret. Not. One. Jiang Cheng often tells Wei Wuxian afterwards, that he deliberately got the Wens attention, but he's never framed as selfish for keeping that secret. Not. Once.

* see post-Xuanwu argument, when Wei Wuxian drags himself out of his sick bed, having just woken up from a coma, to reassure Jiang Cheng that he's no threat to his birthright. Because Jiang Cheng was jealous that his father acknowledged Wei Wuxian's skill in surviving, under horrendous circumstances. -_-

** childhood flashback; after arriving in a new place, having a massive change in lifestyle and meeting many new people (and, it seems, trying to make a good impression), Wei Wuxian took the blame for his broken leg, despite it being because Jiang Cheng locked him out of his room and threatened to sic dogs on him. Entirely because he knew one of them would get blamed, and he wanted to keep Jiang Cheng happy. People who grow up with aggressive/abusive family/people around often end up learning to juggle mood changes.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

My entire day is just. Studying child development. And I don't like it (it's complicated) but it's making me really want to write a kid!fic?

Look, watching that one episode of Ingredients Did Something To Me, okay??

After some youthful indiscretions when he's a teenager, Kim get's a girl pregnant. Korn finds out and makes the problem go away. Kim might not find out at all, until years later, when the girl - now a woman - presents him with a toddler and tells him it's his. And Kim is shocked to hell, but if nothing else, he's loyal to his family, and holy shit this child is his family.

Or maybe Korn deals with the problem in a different way. He's not averse to raising bodyguards, Kim says as much himself. He could easily take care of the mother (either paying her off, attic-wifing her, or killing her), with the intention of raising his grandson to be the next heir after Kinn. He knows the chances of getting a child out of Kinn are slim to none. Now he won't have to worry about that. He has a grandchild that he can raise in his own image, in secret.

This is going to get long so I'm going to continue under a cut

However it happens, Kim eventually finds out, and like hell he's going to let anyone keep him from his child. It will take him a while to get used to the idea, to lean into fatherhood, but he's not going to let his own father raise his child to be a killer. Kim sees a chance to break his generational trauma and he takes it with both hands and runs.

Kim has no idea how to be a father. He didn't have a good role model. He know show he's raised, and he knows he won't be the same, so he just. Tries to do the opposite of whatever he went through as a kid. (He's probably the overly-permissive type, but that won't be a problem until later.)

Kim also doesn't have time to be a father. He's in his last year of university, he has a career to manage. Korn of course offers to help - with Kinn running the family now, he can play the part of doting grandpa, but Kim refuses. Hires a nanny (maybe the one that took care of him as a child, the only one he trusts with his own) to help him figure this all out.

The official story, as far as WiK goes, to protect his clean image, is that the toddler is his baby brother. WiK is seen as the sweet, doting older brother when they're seen in public together (which he tries to make sure isn't often, but he's not going to raise his kid in a box, fuck that). It melts the hearts of all his fans, and no one knows he was a teen parent, a terrible role model, someone to scorn.

At some point in their interactions, Kim lets it slip that he has two brothers, and Chay is confused. He knows about the toddler, but Kim mentioned two older brothers? So doesn't that mean he has three?

Eventually Kim introduces Chay to his kid, and Chay isn't stupid. He was raised by his own brother, he knows what that looks like, and it's not what he sees now. His suspicions are confirmed the first time Kim lets him into his apartment. He tries to hide all of the baby things, but Chay snoops a little bit. Finds a child's room behind a door that should have been locked. He confronts Kim, very gently, with the truth. He doesn't judge. He sad that Kim feels the need to hide, even from him, but he understands.

He also thinks the image of Kim with his son is so much cuter than the idea of him with a baby brother.

Kim lets himself be a little reckless, lets Chay spend more time with him and his son, and it hurts how easily Chay takes to him. Like they're a little family of their own. But it's not real.

The first time Kim lets - no, specifically asks - Chay to babysit, because he has no one else, his nanny is sick, and there's no one else he trusts with his son (which is a shock for both of them on it's own), leads to a dramatic shift in their relationship. Kim can't keep pretending this is just a friendship of convenience. He trusts Chay, maybe more than he should, but he can't deny it.

It's going to make the breakup so much harder, because his son is old enough to love Chay, to miss him, to ask where he is when he stops coming over, and Kim doesn't have a good enough answer. Is barely holding himself together, without the added pain of consoling his heartbroken child, crying for Chay to come home while Kim has to keep himself from doing the same.

TBH, the kid is probably how they reconcile. Next time SomethingTM happens and Kim doesn't have anyone to watch him, his first instinct is to call Chay. But he's not allowed to do that anymore. So he drops the boy off with Uncle Tankhun (and is barely able to make him leave that horrible house with his child inside, but Khun is fierce, he'll protect him) and at some point Chay comes to see Khun, and finds him playing with the kid who missed Chay so much, and he knows he should leave, but when he tries the kid cries until he throws up (it's gross, but it's also sweet, but it's also so, so heartbreaking) and Chay just. Can't. Kim might hate him for it, but he can't break that little baby's heart all over again.

After, both Tankhun and the kid demand regular visits. (Khun knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah he loves his nephew, the kid is in that excited dress-up stage and lets Khun treat him like a little doll, but he also thinks Kim is an idiot and needs to start talking to Chay again, and if this is what happens, then so be it).

Little kiddo excited tells Chay about anything and everything, and then does the same to Kim, telling him about his day, all the fun things he did with Uncle Khun and Uncle Chay, and. It hurts. Kim was not at all prepared for how much it hurts.

It continues this way for a while, with the kid an unintentional carrier pigeon between Kim and Chay, sharing aspects of their lives to each other. They never cross paths because Chay always makes sure he's not there when Kim drops him off or picks him up.

Until one day he is. Kim was late (his latest mission was particularly bloody, he had to take extra time to get himself cleaned up and put back together, he won't let his son be exposed to this part of his life) and his son is inconsolable. Chay is trying his best. Just got him to sleep in his lap when Kim finally drags himself, looking fierce until his eyes fall on his son in the arms of the man he loves, and he softens, and Chay sees it, and. They really need to talk.

But kiddo is still sleeping, and Kim doesn't want to wake him up just yet, so he just. Sits down. Looking at him because he can't look at Chay, and Chay tells him how worried kiddo was (doesn't say how worried he was, too), and how he's been fussy all night. Kim lets it slip how much kiddo missed Chay/looks forward to seeing him now (doesn't say how much he missed Chay, and always hopes for a glimpse of him, always disappointed when he isn't there)

They have a lot to work through, but it's impossible to fight with the kiddo sleeping in Chay's lap, so they're forced to be adults about it. Talking quietly, with Kim admitting to things he never thought he'd be able to say out loud. Does say how much he missed Chay, and how he never should have left Chay alone, and how he never should have let Chay think he never loved him, because he did, so much he saw a future with Chay that scared him, and he ran, because he couldn't bear it if Chay left him first, better to break his own heart

Chay forgives him. They don't get together immediately because forgiveness isn't the same as acceptance, and they still have things they need to work through. But he stops avoiding Kim, and sometimes Kim calls him instead of Khun when he needs an impromptu baby sitter, and slowly, that little family that Kim never let himself dream about starts to take form in front of his eyes, and he wonders how he could have ever let himself run away from this.

[that-wildwolf]

how does fanon get Shakarian wrong? 👀👀

*inhales*

I'm gonna start off by saying that I'm a turianfucker too and turians are hot and I get the thirst I get y'all

BUT

too many people are attracted to turians and want a turian romance so badly that they ignore Garrus's entire character for the sake of getting a turian romance and just basically strip him down to nothing but his species. People who are into turians and have a primal kink or something, which like. I also get I'm a monsterfucker too that's fun. are also projecting too much of that kink onto turians and Garrus specifically because Garrus is just unlucky enough to be the romance option. People write a generic alien/human relationship while ignoring most of what the Shakarian dynamic looks like in canon because. Well I actually don't know why. But the amount of turian/human fics, and yes, Shakarian too, that include some kind of "turians are a bit feral or actually aggressive/possessive" take is terrifying. Have we played the same games? Turians are literally described over and over as uptight having a stick in their ass sticklers for the rules. Garrus is an awkward nerd who doesn't know how to flirt with his girlfriend. Even when he he does the evil he does it in the most rule-obedient way possible. He's a mess and he relies on Shepard a bit too much especially in the first two games. This man is NOT the growly dominant alien character insert you want him to be I'm sorry. Turians have 15,000 more years of civilisation than humans. They are not going to be feral creatures just because they have sharper teeth. The human would be the primitive uncivilised alien in a turian/human relationship if you need someone to fill that role (also, why would you?).

Not to mention Shepard being treated as a self-insert which is. well it is a lot more forgivable in my eyes, but even as an RPG PC, Shepard still has a lot of distinct character. I think this is the first time since playing The Walking Dead that I've seen a player character with such a strong personality despite the genre forcing her to be different things.

To be fair I think a lot of the problems with fanon characterization of not only Shakarian but pretty much everyone who gets commonly mischaracterized (look at the woobification of Tali) could be fixed by regularly checking back in with the source material instead of, which I understand and can also be guilty of sometimes, immersing yourself in more and more layers of fanfic until you can't tell apart the fanon Shakarian from the canon Shakarian.

Dishonourable mentions (things that aren't common bad fandom practice but bother me personally): sub Shepard and actually worse yet dom Garrus, any AU where Garrus is a human (like??? lmao. his entire personality and conflict is driven by him being a turian, that is so central to his character that I can't imagine why you would take that away and think that's the same person), Shakarian retiring to the beach (Garrus said tropical. He didn't say beach. He hates swimming he would drown save him)

Also obviously this should go without saying, but there are TONS of great fanfics about Shakarian out there. This is just a list of what people get wrong that I wrote in like ten minutes on my phone sitting on the floor in my kitchen. It's not some magic truth scroll of fandom transgressions. Also obviously everyone is free to interpret fictional characters however they want even if it's different from the source material. Sometimes ignoring canon is better, trust me. Do whatever you want and don't let me spoil your fandom experience for you.

But yeah

TL;DR: I think that Shakarian and Garrus in particular suffers a lot from Garrus being the only turian romance in the games.

[sarcasticgaypotato]

Do you agree with Ossy Flawol's video on Chell's backstory? What would be your own idea(s) about her? Also, when did Chell begin to develop feelings for GLaDOS in The Resurrection Project? Since we've only read it through GLaDOS' POV. I really loved reading TRP, so I also wanted to ask if you'd like to tell us about Chell's POV in the fic (I'm new to this blog so I am probably not aware if a question like this has been asked before). Thank you!

Alright two big questions here (and technically a third one) so I'll try and keep my answers separate so it doesn't bleed into one big long ramble. Ossy Flawol's video 'Who Is Chell?'

I thought it was well done! They clearly did their research, the video is edited nicely, and I think it's a perfectly good theory.

However, I think some of their conclusions are a bit of a stretch. While the bring your daughter to work day theory they offer is good, they don't do quite enough to convince me. I personally think it's very likely that the potato battery easter egg is just that; an easter egg, not canon lore. That doesn't mean I don't think it's fun to consider the implications if it was canon, it just means that I think the original intention behind putting it in there was just 'oh haha wouldn't this be fun' and not any serious lore plans.

I also think Flawol puts a bit too much stock into GLaDOS's insults without really considering them as a whole. They fixate strongly on the idea that there's 'half-truths' to her insults, but they neglect to mention all the jokes made about Chell's weight and her potential brain damage. We can certainly headcanon these being things Chell is specifically sensitive about, but considering there's no evidence to support it, I think it more likely that they're just...generic insults. Yes GLaDOS makes them in a very targeted manner, but 'you're fat and stupid' is hardly a unique insult to bully someone with.

Further, if Flawol believes we can trust that GLaDOS's lines have some element of truth to them, what about the 'good people don't end up here' line? Nothing in their theory implies that Chell has done anything that would make her sensitive about that comment, just that she's independent.

All in all I enjoyed the video, but there's a bit too much cherry-picking in certain spots for me to 100% agree with it. Definitely worth a watch though! (I was happy to see them point out the stupidity of the 'Caroline and Cave are Chell's parents' theory. Anybody who does that gets a thumbs up in my book.)

As for my own ideas about Chell? I've got some other asks in my inbox about Chell where I'll be tackling more of that soon, so keep an eye out!

When did Chell develop feelings for GLaDOS in 'The Resurrection Project'? What is Chell's POV?

I love this question because Chell's perspective throughout TRP is something that's kept purposefully unknown. The reader only ever sees her through GLaDOS's eyes, making her thoughts, feelings, and intentions a bit of a mystery.

Playing the games, it's easy to take it for granted how much we project onto Chell. We can easily imagine Chell's perspective because we're playing it, but what would it be like to be GLaDOS? How would you interpret someone like Chell?

Do you think Chell set up handgun practice as a way to get close to GLaDOS? Was she lying about only being able to get one shower? What was going through her mind when she held GLaDOS through her nightmare?

I'm hesitant to say too much about Chell, even years later, because I think a lot of the fun is how the reader interprets it. However, I can give a bit of the thought process behind her.

GLaDOS saved Chell's life at the end of Portal 2. She kept her word, she let her go. They worked together as a team to defeat Wheatley and they worked together well. Chell never forgot any of that, even when she initially comes off as cold to GLaDOS in the beginning of TRP.

Chell wonders if this is all some elaborate trick, but dismisses that once she sees how miserable GLaDOS is. From there, she finds this situation is a bit like when they were working together in Aperture, because GLaDOS isn't in a position of power over her, and it's not bad. They work well together, Chell might be catching some feelings, but all that has to clash with her lingering distrust.

There's a reason why, despite moments of them getting closer, Chell takes a long time to actually speak to GLaDOS. That is, in a lot of ways, the final hurdle she had to overcome. That was the biggest show of trust Chell could give her, and thus it's no surprise that she kisses GLaDOS soon after.

[monstersinthecosmos]

I was asked in that Fanfic Writer Asks thing 💛 What is the most impactful lesson you’ve learned about writing? and I wanted to break it out into its own space.

The No. 1 Most Impactful Lesson is Write What You Want to Read

But I do want to speak about this for a minute because like everything important that I know about writing ALWAYS comes back to this idea, and there's two main points I want to make about it.

Your "VOICE" is about your taste and your ideas more than it is about your technical skill, language, and structure.

People I think stress about "voice" thinking that they need to develop their language and prose and rhythm and all the flowery poetry. I don't think it matters, personally. I think if you have an idea, the idea itself is the thing that drives the story.

Fanfic is awesome to use to learn how to write because it's accessible to everyone, and you get such a wide sampling of skill in one place. And sometimes you can see a really atrocious fic and it kinda teaches you what not to do, and helps you understand what you do or don't like as a reader, but sometimes you also see the good idea peeking through and you can enjoy it anyway. There are fics I ADORE that are so sloppily written, break all the rules, formatted like shit LOL, and I'm still HERE FOR IT because the author had such great ideas.

I'm sure anyone who's learned a second language had learned this, but, I remember when I was studying abroad that the college president welcomed us to the program and gave us this huge pep talk about how like, when you're out in the world speaking a second language, your grammar isn't important. If you can COMMUNICATE, that's what's important. If you can point to the apple you want to buy and say "Apple buy", the person will understand what you're trying to say.

So I think of writing that way, too. Your ideas are more important than your technical skill. Share the ideas. Keep sharing the ideas. The skill will follow when you're putting the time in.

2. Writing for fun is just as valuable as writing for work.

I took a long break from fanfic writing in my 20s because I kinda thought I'd "moved on" and that it had been my teenager hobby. And I had gone to college for photography and becoming a professional photographer really killed a lot of my passion for the art. College really brainwashed me into thinking creativity is a waste of time if it's not monetized, so even though I always enjoyed writing, I spent a few years being hard on myself and thinking it was stupid to waste time on writing fic because I couldn't sell it.

And that's such bullshit?

Because the truth is that, by telling myself "Don't write stuff you can't sell" I just wound up not writing anything at all?

And writing is like, my lil thing that that I do for fun. I can do it for fun. It feels good. It's the space I've made to be creative where I specifically don't have to worry about money, and I value it so fucking much.

I'm sure there are other people who bypassed this life lesson by NOT falling into a capitalist trap LOL but if I can share that, to help others avoid it, I will!

Write what you want to read, because it's fun, because you want to! Because you have good taste and that's your voice! You can be confident and stand up and say "I think this idea is cool so I'm going to share it with you!"

Trust yourself and your taste!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't stress about the technical stuff, it will follow!

(Bonus point #3 is bonus because it's a little more about technical stuff but if you start thinking about write what you want to read WHEN YOU READ it really helps inform how you think about your story structure and pacing. Like when I get stuck on a pacing thing I'm always thinking "Would this bore me if I were reading it? Would I want to be slow burned? Would I want more time spent on this payoff?" etc. I think that shift in mindset really helps when it comes to your story structure!!!!!!!!!!!)

[chronurgy]

⭐️for Would You Give the Devil This Dance? (Would You be a Part of His Plans?) !!!!!

thanks for the ask!! This is definitely a fic that I have a lot of off screen things to talk about since it was an exercise in unreliable narration (or maybe a better way to put it would be an exercise in hewing strictly to a very limited point of view and all that person's assumptions). Anway I'm sort of rambling and including things as I remember them.

I actually had two little lists from the beginning of the fic that laid out three things Wyll got wrong about Vesper and Gortash's relationship and three things he got right. Those lists acted as guides for me as I wrote and helped me focus on what he would see, what he wouldn't see, and how he would interpret all of it.

This fic was partially inspired by the fact that Vesper had super high approval with Wyll even though they're. Yknow. A pretty terrible person. So some of this fic was based around asking why that happened. And the answer is at least partially because they're not your traditional monster. They're much more calm, much more collected, much better at using their intellect to justify things, much more machiavellian and I think Wyll struggles to see them for what they are because of it. The knowledge is clearly creeping in around the edges but he's fighting it. Some of it is a struggle with black and white thinking - if they're good then they're my friend, if they're bad then they're a monster I need to hunt. Some of it is because he believes they saved him from making the worst mistake of his life with karlach and can't square that with them being a monster. Yet another piece is a sort of psychological safety for him - in order to save his father and the world he needs them, so admitting they aren't what he thought they were would shake that foundation he needs right now. But the cracks are starting to show and he's not going to be able to keep ignoring them for long (I have plans for another Wyll pov fic set during the exploration of the steel watch foundry).

Early on, Wyll talks about how their dancing is clearly "a triumph of trust" and how the two of them must clearly trust one another - this idea that you need to trust your partner will be there to meet you during the dance. Gortash wouldn't call it trust, he would call it knowledge. He doesn't trust that Vesper will be there to meet him, he knows they will from years of experience. Trust is an ephemeral, fuzzy thing and dies upon contact with the cold, hard truth of knowledge. You don't "trust" the properties of steel, you know them. And it is much the same with people (gortash is such a freak, it's fantastic)

"It's as though they are but one beast, sharing the same body and mind" - this is meant to be a very slantwise Shakespeare reference, specifically to the "beast with two backs" line in Othello

Wyll thinks about his father often, sharing stories and anecdotes about him. I wanted Ulder to feel present even in his absence because he's such a focal point in wyll's life and story. I also had him tell these stories because Wyll is such a story focused character and he often seems to interact with the world through the lens of stories. That's also why he makes monster references throughout - monster hunting was a big part of his life, of course it would crop up in his speech!

Also Wyll references Vesper looking tired and assumes it was because they had been up all night struggling with the revelations about their past. We, however, know that they were actually out late playing mind games with Gortash. I wanted to highlight that Wyll isn't stupid to miss these things, he just doesn't know and also filters his knowledge through his understanding of the world which is so influenced by his own goodness.

The major tension Wyll struggles with in this piece is obviously his understanding of Vesper, their relationship to Gortash, and whether or not they're a "good" person. But there's another more minor tension that Wyll struggles with on occasion. Wyll is living through the back half of a coming of age story in act three. He's returned home to find that he has been fundamentally changed by his time away and the growth he experienced during it and now he can't look at things the same way anymore. He's struggling to reconcile the version of him that grew up wealthy in the upper city wearing beautiful clothes and the version of him that's lived on the road for seven years and knows how little most people get by on. Of course he didn't think of it at 17, but now he can't stop seeing it. It's not that things aren't the same anymore, it's that he's not the same anymore.

Another of Wyll's traits is that he's kind of a romantic. So that influences the way he sees people and relationships, including Vesper and Gortash. That's why he thinks it's worse if they just "knew" the other would wear black because that's, to him, more proof that they belong together or were meant to be.

He does not want to break bread and make small talk with a man so cruel he might as well be a monster and he especially does not want to spend the night watching his friend dance so prettily with that selfsame monster while he twists his brain into knots attempting to guess at the man’s motives. It could be all of those things, it could be none of them, but Wyll doesn’t want to be the sort of person who could know those things, could pick apart the workings of that man’s twisted mind, could play his horrific games just as well as he does. He wouldn’t want to know any person who could – they would have to be just as much a monster as him to predict his every move so perfectly.

Ah this part. It's preceeded by a paragraph of Wyll attempting to guess at Gortash's motives and plots and plans and giving himself a headache. I wanted to contrast Vesper and Gortash here, who just spent a night playing mind games with each other and guessing at each other's motives and lying and pretending to lie and weaponizing the truth while very clearly having the time of their lives. I wanted to contrast these two freaks basically getting off on it with a much more normal response to that sort of thing from Wyll. He's not having fun! And then, of course, the stinger. I love dramatic irony. It's also a big hint that Wyll doesn't understand Vesper at all, wants to paint them as more good and noble than they are, and people should be skeptical of his descriptions of them.

I could honestly ramble on about this fic for ages because there are so many little details to bring up but I'm cutting myself off for now! Thanks for the ask I had so much fun talking about this fic!

[true-blue-sonic]

I know for sure I've asked about this a long time ago before but I'm kinda back to thinking about how different the development of Espio and Silver's dynamics would've been in Rivals 2 if they weren't as quick to fully trust each other as they were in canon but remained "enemies" a bit longer and only really teamed up out of necessity. If their dynamic isn't already near-spotless following an inexplicable "for some reason I trust you" type conversation, there's more room (and requirement, really) for growth on both sides; in the original dynamic it feels more like if there's any growth to be had then it'd be solely on Silver, so this thought might also help find a balance

I recall having talked about it before as well, yes. I would say that Espio and Silver alike have quite a few vices that would make cooperating between them far more difficult: they're both tremendously stubborn, proud, opinionated, hot-heated, and just to the extent neither can let evil go its way. While none of those are necessarily attributes that are bad in the situation they are in, I can envision them clashing very badly because of those traits. Considering Espio is actively chasing Silver down to gather evidence of him committing a crime, Silver's hot-headed nature might cause him to fly right off the handle if Espio keeps pushing him about it. And Silver's haughty and rude attitude in turn might make Espio far less willing to see the best in him and try to trust him. I think it speaks to Silver's honest nature and Espio's ability to see the truth in it that they were able to cooperate so relatively smoothly in Rivals 2, but I can also envision many scenarios wherein things did not go so idyllically until far later in the game.

What you're saying next is actually a bit of an issue I have when writing my fics: I've joked before that Espio is "already perfect" because he's just... basically an expert at everything, haha! He completes his missions well, he's driven and skilled, and his overly serious demeanour as the Chaotix's straight man alongside his snark feels like more like comedy than a flaw or something that truly hinders him to me. Meanwhile, Silver is far more 'imperfect' to me: he jumps to conclusions, he can be uncooperative and rude out of nowhere, and even if he is always right in the end, the way towards that end can be tremendously rocky because of those personality traits. That was why I wanted Espio to also go through a development in Stories that made sense to who he is as a character: specifically that he follows Vector's rule to a T regardless of his personal opinion on the matter, which begins to clash with the fact Silver is very much guilty but did what he did for a good cause (aka not a black-and-white scenario at all). And since Silver plays a central role there as well, I think his flaws can play a role also: he doesn't want Espio to be walked over, but the way in which he conveys that (which is rude as hell) might make things worse at first. Vector might be even more pushy about Espio gathering evidence if he gets yelled at by Silver, and Espio in turn might feel needled and put under pressure from two parties now that demand entirely opposite things from him (in his mind). I think such a thing could help make their dynamic more interesting and also different from New Beginnings, while fitting with their personalities.

[bonearenaofmyskull]

I wanted to let you know how much I admire your writing. Your talent for storytelling is incredible, and I've been a big fan of your work for a while now.(You could see my comments in ao3)

Going through the comments in ao3 one thing was clear that u DO wanted to write a s4 fic but I guess u must be very busy which is understandable and if u need any help just let me know. I would love to assist you

I've been thinking about how amazing it would be to read a Season 4 fanfic from you. I can't help but imagine the magic you'd create with those characters and plotlines. So, I wanted to make it clear that it's now my mission to gently (or not so gently) nag you to write a Season 4 fic, every week.

I would definitely stop if it's not acceptable.

I'm really excited about the idea, and I would be absolutely thrilled to read your take on it.

Your writing has a special place in my heart, and I believe a Season 4 fic from you would be nothing short of extraordinary. Please consider it, and know that I'd be eagerly waiting to devour every word of it.

Looking forward to any updates on this mission of mine!

Love 😘

Cassy from ao3

Yeah, this is not a good idea. Don't do this, especially not now. I don't know if you're a member of the group of friends who recently overwhelmed my private messaging with questions about season 4, almost creepy enthusiasm, and nagging for responses. But if not, be aware that after something like 56 messages in less than two days, I actually started blocking people. This is something I've rarely done to non-porn bots--I've probably blocked real people less than 5 times in the 10 years I've been on tumblr. I appreciate that you like my work, but with this context in mind, now is not the time.

And just a note for the general audience out there and those people I blocked in case they're lurking about: I'm not a meta tap you can privately turn on for your Hannibal fix, nor a stand-in for Bryan Fuller and production now that most have lost hope for a season 4. I still enjoy Hannibal but have mostly moved on to other hobbies, and if I do ever write another fic or a season 4 fic, it will be when I feel moved by inspiration, not by being inundated by demands.

For the record, what specific ideas I have for a season 4 fic will remain unstated unless I write it, and what speculations and predictions I have that seem realistic for the actual show, I've probably mostly stated in previous metas, or if not, have kept to myself for personal reasons. I'm sure some of it I've forgotten by this point.

The right way to approach me for a meta discussion is to send an ask to my inbox like Cassy here did, so that I can make a public response and generate a discussion if possible: that's how a meta blog generates content for blogging. No one who writes meta has time to write whole analytical essays and arguments for an audience of 1, unless that audience is a very close and trusted friend.

With that said, I do understand that this isn't that satisfying since I haven't answered asks in a long time, and when I have, my responses have been brief. The truth is, I just haven't got that much to say about Hannibal that I haven't already said in the past. I believe there are a variety of more recent Hannibal meta blogs out there, as well as ones that reblog and index meta from multiple writers. Good luck to you all in finding what you're looking for.

Cassy, I do appreciate your enthusiasm, and I'll make an effort to catch up on my AO3 comments here in a bit.

[roomwithanopenfire]

fanfic writer ask game: B, J, T, and V :)

Thanks for the ask!! (from this ask game)

B:  What was the first fandom you read fic in?  Which was the first you wrote fic for? Uhhhhh, first fandom I read fic in was One Direction and the first fandom I wrote for was Lego Ninjago (in my defense, I was like 12). But unless you can find a way to resurrect my old Quotev account from deactivation, my Lego Ninjago fics are gone forever. (Which is a shame because I wrote a fairly popular chat fic that I remember thinking was really funny and I'd love to see how it holds up to a reread.)

J:  What’s your favorite fanfic trope?  Have you written it? For a more broad trope, hurt/comfort and yes, I've written a lot. For a more specific trope, truth or dare/party games fics are some of my favorites and I have written one (Just A Dare). For even more specific TWO PERSON LOVE TRIANGLE MY BELOVED. I haven't written any yet, but trust once I get a good idea it'll be grand.

T: Any fanfic tropes you can’t stand? I can't really think of any except for ones specific to certain fandoms. For stranger things fics I'll get so annoyed when anyone bashes on Nancy Wheeler or characterizes her in a way I don't like, but there's not really one broad trope that I hate.

V: Are there certain comments you’ve received on your stories that have stuck with you? One thousand times yes. I reread all my comments every once in a while and there's definitely a ton of super nice ones (i'm always so blown away), but there's one main comment that I will never get over. I got it on my very first fanfic, like months after I posted it, and it is literally stared in my email inbox and I go back to it again and again. Literally the sweetest comment I've ever gotten. They commented a second time a month or so ago saying that they keep coming back to that fic and it literally means the whole world to me.

[this-acuteneurosis]

Okay, 2 things I really, really love about your writing and DLB (be prepared for praise)

1. Your commentary and meta on the Force. Reading through your post on how western (Christianity) theology ruined the prequels— yes! I have been saying this for years but I never knew how to put it in words or explain why the force felt so different in the PT vs the OT, and why I always preferred the force in the OT more than the PT (you hit the nail on the head). And I appreciate that this is the route you’ve taken in your writing, and I have to say since I’m writing my own SW fic I have been reading through that post and applying it to how I write about the force in my own story, and looking at things with a more critical eye and being mindful of what the force is and how it does/doesn’t work.

2. Your characterization of Anakin. I think yours is the best characterization of him I’ve ever read in a fic (I mean it). When I read DLB, I feel like I’m actually reading an Anakin from the PT. I think when it comes to a lot of fics about Anakin, I think authors tend to write him more like he is in the TCW, which is totally fine (I love the TCW) but DLB is just refreshing to me, and I know it’s because you’re sticking mostly to the movies with added bits from the TCW. For me, TCW Anakin feels a lot different from PT Anakin (sometimes it feels like they’re two different people), and Ive always preferred the Anakin in the movies (which is why I LOVE DLB). And it’s not just Anakin, but all of the characters are just written extremely well and true to their portrayals in the movies: shmi, padme, obi-wan, the list goes on.

3. (I know I only said 2, but I feel like being a Rebel). I think you’re one of the first authors of a SW time travel to bring up the very poignant point that just because it’s a time travel fic does not mean that we’re owed a big reveal. I mean, honestly, if I was Leia and I was dropped into that situation, I would do the exact same thing. My mouth would be wired shut, you’d have to tickle/torture me to get that out of me. Leia doesn’t owe anyone that part of herself and it’s not super relevant either, so why bring it up just to bring it up. If it does end up being relevant to the plot then I would very much enjoy a reveal, but you’re such a good writer that no matter where the cards fall I know I will not be disappointed either way— I am all here for how you write it. But the way you’ve written so far feels realistic and authentic to how a real person would react in that situation

I’ll end it here, but yeah! I appreciate you and DLB and I look forward to seeing where you take things.

I am blushing like crazy, you're so kind.

1) I know my rejection of an even semi-sentient Force isn't popular and doesn't mesh with current canon, but I prefer and stand by it. I'm glad that it resonates with someone else!

2) I agree that Anakin characterization is So Hard because he's not really consistent between the OT, PT, and TCW. I find my interpretation strongly influenced by TPM Anakin specifically (another Anakin!). That bright, kind little boy who was too smart and too talented for his own good! I love him and I want to protect him!

3) Be a Rebel! :) The "reveal" issue is something I think about a lot. I get lots of comments--ever increasing as the story goes on and the silence holds--about how excited or anxious people are for a reveal. What they think people's reactions will be. Why it must happen at some point. I can understand the underlying tension issue, and how people are probably on the edge of their seat. But I agree with you anon, Leia doesn't owe her past to anyone. There have been, are, and will be consequences to her silence. If and when she chooses to break it, it will be a Big Deal for whoever she trusts with the truth.

But for now, get comfy folks. Leia isn't going to break so easily.

[herearedragons]

more fic writer asks! 4, 12, 19 :)

fic writer asks

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

...well, you already heard about this one, but this is the most interesting idea I have right now, so, for everyone who isn't in my DMs: currently contemplating an AU where Selene somehow came to the Dyrwood way sooner and ended up being taken in by Lady Webb and becoming a Dunryd Row agent. in the same AU, Edér wasn't recruited by the Watcher for some reason, and the people in Gilded Vale finally find a good excuse to add him to the hanging tree, blaming him for a murder he didn't commit. however, the execution is interrupted by the sudden appearance of a Dunryd Row cipher, who claims that the crime falls under the duc's jurisdiction, and therefore she must conduct an investigation before anyone can be hanged for it.

basically, while Someone Else is going through the plot of POE1, Selene and Edér solve a murder in a town that kind of wants both of them dead more than it wants to know who the actual killer is, and I get to Put Them In Situations. there isn't any explicit romance in this one, but it's still a fun dynamic

12. a trope you’re really into right now

ok, actually I'm going to say two: foils + doomed by the narrative

foils because it's just fun to let a character recognize a part of themselves in someone else, whether romantically or not. it's a trope that can go so many ways. does the familiarity lead to trust? to hatred? do they accept the similarities between themselves and the other or do they reject it? very fun to think about

doomed by the narrative - not necessarily in the "doomed to die" kind of way, but in the "there are Canon Events you cannot escape" kind of way. I guess "doomed by the narrative" is just an edgier way to say "destiny"? anyway, currently into this trope on account of being into dragon age and pillars of eternity, which are fantasy rpgs where this kind of thing comes up A Lot, but also I just like when time is a flat circle and the Themes are inescapable and even if you managed to escape them once they'll always catch up to you in the next round I am once again thinking about twm2 Selene. also about Deadfire Rangi tbh

19. the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

the unfortunate truth is that I don't research that much (or, rather, I try to stick to subject matter I don't need to do research about), buuut I do like studying character voices for fic purposes! by which I mean, reading and listening to their dialogue until their voice is burned into my brain and saving specific quotes that give me some InsightTM about them.

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

I have full executive authority to modify my text posts for another audience - to express the exact same sentiment but in words that the new audience will understand. To translate, if you will, from "broad and unknown Tumblr audience" who speak the Tumblr lingo and dialect and who could be literally anybody, to "close family with a humongous bunch of shared experience and similar language to talk about them," who share my worldview and understand what I'm saying without getting offended by a caveat I forgot to include or a specification or detail that I thought was unnecessary. (E.g. on Tumblr I might say "my friend X", but to family I'd just say "X")

Translation from one to the other, and vice versa, is necessary for both clarity and brevity. Different audiences require different approaches.

Tumblr audience might have sentences providing caveats or clarity or introduction to a concept that the family audience already knows or doesn't need. For brevity, I would cut those out, but I might also add sentences to help with transition or to aid in pacing of the ideas, concepts, or story. (This also goes for fic; is the fic for fans only or is it friendly to fandom-blind readers? Same story, told in slightly different words sometimes.)

But they are still my words and all those words remain as true as they were in the original form (assuming I didn't decide to lie to one group). In fact, if somebody had access to both versions (and understood both), they could see more of my mind, heart, and will than otherwise; for example, my willingness to even do such a thing as translating or providing two different versions. A family member who forgot my relation to X might be reassured by the label "friend" when describing her. (It might also mean a lot to the friend, if she read both accounts.) It always helps to see further caveats, examples, side notes, details, or even just different phrasing that I thought would help one group's perspective but wouldn't be too useful for the other unless they were doing a deeper study of my words, for whatever reason.

Now if I DID decide to lie, of course, you can't believe either version (or any new one I came up with), because now I'm a liar and you can't trust anything at all. But assuming I'm not a liar (and nobody has messed with my words, or it's not an outright faked screenshot or deep fake or whatever) - assuming I am truthful and you trust me (and/or my messenger), you can learn a lot from the differences of how I convey the same idea.

Between the two versions I might also do things like update typos or accidental occurrences of misgendering, clarify grammar, institute proper capitalization, and so on.

It makes me think of a post I saw once about the differences between Hunger Games books and movies; how the books tell a story of how awful war is to kids, and how awful the capitol is to make them have a love triangle to survive, and how awful it is for them to sit back and watch it as entertainment. And how the movies have us sit back and be entertained while children have a love triangle and fight each other. It seems like a classic case of "movies butchered the books," but the author was actually involved in and had quite some say in the production of the movie. Looking at them, they both together tell a more powerful story than otherwise. I'll see if I can find that post because it was a JOURNEY.

Anyway. The author has ultimate authority to translate their work to different audiences, with different emphases and details, whether the work is a Tumblr text post or an essay or verbally telling a friend what happened to me today.

Same goes for the Lord Jesus Christ, the word of God (John 1). (For one thing, translating God Himself into human form while preserving his divinity? Major translation skills there.)

The four gospels are an example of this; Matthew, for example, is addressed primarily to the Jews and includes many extra details, adding things like "BTW this was in fulfillment of XYZ prophecy" and including the genealogy through David and all like that. Luke is written by a Gentile to Gentiles, and tells similar stories but often with different details.

Only one gospel mentions that when Jesus fed the five thousand, it was at evening; only one mentions that it was a little boy who had the five loaves and two fishes; when Jesus asks a disciple what they're going to do, only one gospel mentions that Jesus said it "to try him."

John is far more focused on Jesus' divine nature, including many stories not included in the others. Different details, different emphases, different audiences, although ultimately, all four are available to us who have lived after the first century AD.

The gospels also show off another aspect of the author having final authority to translate while still being pure, truthful, and accurate: quotations from the Old Testament.

The OT was written in Hebrew. Jesus reads from a Greek translation and calls it Scripture. (I.e. equally as inspired as the original.) The apostles and writers of the New Testament often do likewise.

The same can be true of other translations as well. Translations into Latin, into German, into French, into Old English, into Early Modern English... God is the master of language. He created it, after all. Jesus is the word. All Scripture is inspired and profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for instruction in righteousness...

But only the author has that authority. If I tell my sister one thing and she tells my friend something in anything other than my own words, it may still be true; but it's slightly less true than my own words. Hopefully, usually the difference is negligible, but in a contest, anything I've ever said or written on the topic is more accurate than what somebody else said.

Hence, if there's something strange about the story my sister tells, my friend would do well to take it with a grain of salt (or more than one, if she knows I have a bad relationship with my sister.) If not, this can pass from one to another like a game of telephone until it devolves into gossip that's wholly untrue, outright malicious, etc.

I and only I retain the right to point to two different versions of my words and say both are equally true. My sister can't say "her words and mine are equal" unless she was there, and even then, any differences would be down to her own different perspective (and level of honesty), not mine.

You never know when somebody might embellish a Bible translation. I hear Satan has quite the interest in perverting God's words (just see Genesis 3). Compare your translation carefully with both itself and others.

On that note, let me share some comparisons to get you started.

One of them has to be wrong. What do you think?

[heartpascal]

THE WORLD IS BRIGHTER

"The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins—but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back. Love is more than a candle. Love can ignite the stars."

- MATTHEW STOVER, ROTS NOVEL

(r)

• youth by daughter

"my eyes are damp from the words you left,

ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,

ringing in my head, when you broke my chest,

and if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,

'cause most of us are bitter over someone,

setting fire to our insides for fun,

to distract our hearts from ever missing them,

but i'm forever missing him."

• home by catie turner

"feelings were fleeting, but now i'm surrounded,

visions of you shaved into the side of my head,

and as i sleep on the other side of the country,

i wonder how it feels to be safe in the palm of your hand,

and i just want to go home."

• broken by anson seabra

"if you see the boy i used to be,

could you tell him that i'd like to find him?

and if you see the shell that's left of me,

could you spare him a little kindness?"

"am i broken? am i flawed?

do i deserve a shred of worth,

or am i just another fake,

fucked up lost cause?

and am i human? or am i something else?

'cause i'm so scared and there's no one there,

to save me from the nightmare,

that i call myself."

• runaway by aurora

"i was painting a picture,

the picture was a painting of you,

and for a moment i thought you were here,

but then again, it wasn't true, dah,

and all this time i have been lyin',

oh, lyin' in secret to myself,

i've been putting sorrow on the farthest place on my shelf."

• overwhelmed by royal & and the serpent

"i get overwhelmed so easily,

my anxiety keeps me silent,

when i try to speak,

what's come over me?

feels like i'm somebody else,

i get overwhelmed."

(joel to r)

• leave a light on by tom walker

"and i know you're down and out now, but i need you to be brave,

hiding from the truth ain't gonna make this all okay,

i see your pain."

• it'll be alright by cody francis

"oh, my child i know,

you're hurt and you can't let go,

it's not your fault and you don't deserve,

all the bad and the hurt."

• half light by banners

"it makes me feel nervous,

you have that look in your eye,

oh, what takes over?

what is it that holds you tight?"

"when you're in the half light,

it is not you i see,

and you live a half life,

you only show half to me."

(joel & r)

• daylight by david kushner

"two sinners can't atone from a lone prayer,

souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt,

(oooh),

there's darkness in the distance,

from the way that i've been livin',

but i know i can't resist it,

oh, i love it and i hate it at the same time,

you and i drink the poison from the same vine."

HOWL I LOVE YOU!!!! your song recs are actually my favourite things EVER. i can’t even express how much i love these. so so amazing. edit: howl. after going through all of these….. you have outdone yourself. you are amazing.

also yes this whole thing is just going to be me sobbing and crying and making myself sad about how much i made r suffer. WHAT OF IT. leave me to ramble!

ALSO ALSO heheh he this gif is so good. giggling. gonna watch that film JUST for this moment BAHAHAH

youth — sobbing. this song is just … emotional. its so good. and i think it’s just so :( poor r she’s going through it. “i’m forever missing him” is just so so real for this fic. bc she really just … can’t not think about her dad :( also the lyrics “shadows settle on the place that you left / our minds are troubled by the emptiness” is so r and joel coded. they are both suffering sm OOPS

home — i know this is going to be a common word here but.. sobbing. once again. this song is so :( AND ITS NEW TO ME!! i like hearing new songs and i trust in you and you specifically howl. ANYWAY. also the “so when are you coming home” is so …….. heartbreaking. gut wrenching. R’S DAD ISNT COMING HOME. and she knows it. and the exact lyrics you said like the sleeping on the other side of the country …….. bc her dad never made it there with her … it just makes me so sad.

broken — AAAAAHHHHH. (this is me violently sobbing and crying). and and and. i really like “please, wont someone take me home / before i lose my mind?” BUT SHE CANT GO HOME. and she really does feel like she’s losing it but like … she can’t bring herself to care. AND THOSE LAST LYRICS YOU SAID???? reader my beloved joel will be there soon :( also,,, that is exactly how joel felt and he just didnt want r to be stuck in that mindset yk, to be alone, to have nobody to pull her out of that nightmare yk

runaway — (i accidentally deleted this one…. i-) anyways AS I WAS SAYING. I LOVE THIS SONG. and in relation to this????? what if i cry, specifically, “and for a moment i thought you were here” is so so so. like you know those moments after losing someone and then like. you forget, even if its just for a moment, and then you remember and its just the worst all over again??? yeah, i know that. and yes i will be applying that to r. soz. r suffers with me. and and and “but no, take me home / take me home where i belong / i got no other place to go” like r just wants to be back home with her dad. she’s so sad. UGH. yeah. this song &lt;3

overwhelmed — omg i’ve never actually heard the full song before now :0. anyway. also. this is so r on the journey to bill and frank’s like … before she just … fades. its mfing debilitating dude. also yes bc every time she gets .. overwhelmed, r fr does struggle to hold on to herself

leave a light on — JOEL TO R CODED YOURE SO RIGHT. “i see your pain” has me sobbing and crying because :( I KNOW I PUT A BIT OF A SPIN ON JOEL’S GRIEF AFTER SARAH but tbf we dont see it in the show or anything yk??? like we KNOW he did some … bad things, but lets be real. he didnt deal with it at all. he just fell into darker habits. and i just think him knowing exactly what r is going through, even though it will be different, he still KNOWS. and he can recognise it. and joel just makes me so sad. “but i need you to be brave” sobbing so hard. yes i will relate every song lyric to joel miller/my own fics. what about it. as we should. joel of all people KNOWS how much courage it takes to NOT fall into that headspace. my babies

it’ll be alright — howl ive never heard this song before and i……. im not ok. what the hell. this is so joel miller coded. yes he would relate this to ellie as well canonically. but r…….. its so much worse. joel KNOWS about the bad and the hurt. and joel KNOWS that out of all the people who deserve it .. r is not one of them. AND AND AND “how much longer will you suffer in this life? / but dont give up, just hold on tight / it’ll be alright” what if i sob and cry. joel just wants to reassure r man. these poor tortured souls. maybe one day ill write a happy fic (doubtful)

half light — yes on each and every level. THIS ONE IS SO PERFECT. “it makes me feel nervous / you have that look in your eye” bc joel recognises it :( joel KNOWSSSS. he knows. he’s all knowing. he knows exactly what that look means. he’s seen it in his own eyes. “it is not you i see / and you live a half life” OH WHAT JOEL WOULD DO TO TAKE AWAY ALL OF R’S PAIN. to make her ok and whole and happy. he wishes he could fix it. but he knows he can’t :( nothing can fix that pain, after all, he would know. im losing my mind rn

daylight — THIS ONE FITS SO WELL TOO. idk how you ALWAYS do this. how do you never miss???? “souls tied, intertwined by our pride and guilt” ??????????????????????? no because joel and r literally are mirrors of each other. they both feel the exact same guilt. and they always will. and the pride that they BOTH have in trying to handle it all alone. like yes r accepts joel and tess’s help (not that they really give her a choice) but she doesn’t WANT to connect, she doesn’t want to talk about it. and i imagine joel to have been the exact same way, only going on for tommy, and yes eventually tess, though u can imagine how long he spent refusing to admit even to himself it was bc he cared about her SMH. ‘business/survival’ is what he woulda told tommy about looking out for her. “you and i drink the poison from the same vine” hmmmm yes they really do. they r one and the same. they’ll self destruct till there’s nothing left tbh. and and and “tellin’ myself its the last time / can you spare any mercy that you might find” is joel coded and no i needn’t say more.

[flieslikeamoron]

Okay, here's the rest!

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

I'm not going to tell you the words I use too much because once I point them out you won't stop seeing it lol. But I do have recurring things. I write a lot of people getting drunk. I don't drink so that's kind of funny, but it's a useful way to write people at their silliest or their most truthful or to loosen up a tough nut, make a control freak lose control, etc. I write a lot of secret relationships. I write a lot of us against the world stuff, and I do love it when that relationship is a bit too close to be "healthy." I like making people who don't want to, or are scared to, fall in love fall in love. I write a lot of pining. I love pining while fucking especially. I'm sure there are others. 

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Characterization always. I'll never sacrifice character for a plot point. And I think my characters are distinct. Like the characters I write for one fandom aren't the same ones I write in every fandom. Dialogue that sounds like how people talk. Porn is my art etc.

64. Something you love to see in smut.

Specificity. I don't mean specific sex acts, or some specific description of them. But smut that's specific to the characters in that story. I feel like a lot of people write generic sex scenes. The same generic porn dialogue. The same generic tab a in slot b stuff. No matter what fandom or characters, it's the same scenes. I don't mean writers need to come up with more creative, weirder, kinkier sex acts. (I'm pro-kink but that's not what I mean.) No a simple blowjob, a handjob, ass fucking, whatever. Even if you're talking about the basics those things shouldn't be generic. All sex shares some basic building blocks, but the sex you have with different partners is different! If the smut could be cut/pasted into any fic, that's boring. That's why people talk about skipping over smut scenes. It's because it's the same scenes we've all read before. It's because it's like you've stopped telling your story to "INSERT SMUT HERE" instead of making the smut part of the story.

What's actually hot is thinking about how these characters, these very individual and specific ones, would get each other off.  So what I love to see in smut are little things, little intimacies that feel specific to these two people. I like it when the way they're talking to each other and touching each other and turning each other on feels specific to them, and also specific to the situation. Like in Sleight of Hand the first blowjob Eddie gives Steve is a very different vibe from the first blowjob Steve gives Eddie, and it's because those are different characters in different situations. Just... Specificity.

76. Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of Sleight of Hand? 

Yeah, some of the ones I can remember... There was a thing where Eddie finds the nail bat. There was going to be a thing where Eddie and Jonathan talk, and Eddie asks him if he's ever worried Nancy will go back to Steve. There was going to be a thing where Steve and Eddie fuck on ecstasy. I took a thing with everybody at the diner out of chapter 18. IDK lots of things. Most of them never got fully written anyway, but I had like four or five versions of the nail bat scene. In the end I needed Eddie trusting Steve to put on the cuffs, and no matter how I tried to write it, it just introduced too much doubt. I spent a few days writing all these versions trying to get them back to status quo by the end so I could get on with the rest of the fic. But I was trying to force it so it wouldn't affect the rest of the plot, and that always plays false.

Since I'm already all up in my cut folder, here's a DVD deleted scene. It was going to be either when they're going to Dustin's or when they're going to the lake. Either way it doesn't work.

---

“Um, Steve?” Eddie says. “Why is there a bat with fucking nails through it in your trunk?” Ah. Steve had sort of forgotten that was back there. Eddie hefts it in his hand, and swings it experimentally. “This is like post-apocalyptic, man. It’s like Snake Plissken shit.” He looks at the nail end more closely. “Does this have blood on it?” 

Not human blood. Steve takes the bat out of Eddie’s hand and puts it back in his trunk. Closes it like if he can’t see it, Eddie will forget about the whole thing. He grasps desperately for a believable lie. It’s for emergencies? It’s for car trouble? Self-defense? “It was for Halloween,” is what he comes up with.

“Halloween was forever ago,” Eddie says skeptically. “Why’s it still in your trunk?”

“I forgot it was there.”

Eddie keeps looking at him, sharp-eyed. Seeing right through him. “What costume was it?” 

Jesus. If this is going to be a whole interrogation, Steve’s not going to hold up under questioning. “That guy,” he tries. “Snake Pimpkin?”

Eddie snorts. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right? You’re fucking bad at it.”

“Can we go?” Steve says. “You can keep bugging me in the car if you want.”

“I’m not bugging you,” Eddie says, but he gets into the passenger’s seat. Thank God. Steve quickly follows and starts pulling out so Eddie can’t change his mind. “It’s a little weird that you have an apocalypse bat,” Eddie says. ”But it’s very, very weird you’re lying about it.”

“You lie about stuff.”

“Not stuff like- Weapons.” He frowns. “Is it- Billy? Or those guys?” Steve tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Eddie looks at him disbelieving. “You’re really not gonna tell me?” 

What if Steve just said it. Just- Monsters are real. They killed Barb. They killed that guy who worked at the Radio Shack. Maybe Eddie would believe him. He’s into all that fantasy stuff. He knows what a demogorgon is. At least the version in his D&D books. But- Monsters in books is different. Steve doesn’t know if he could tell it well enough to make Eddie believe him when it sounds fucking crazy. Demodogs and government conspiracies and possessed little kids and underground tunnels and things coming out of the fucking walls… Hell, he barely believed it himself the first time, and he actually saw it.

Steve looks at him, agonized. 

”Wow,” he says. “You’re really not. I’m-” Eddie pulls some of his hair in front of his mouth, looking at Steve like he’s never seen him before. Studying him. “I think- I need a minute to adjust here.” 

“What do mean- Adjust.”

“I mean this is bigger, and it’s fucking weirder, than the kind of secret I thought you were capable of keeping. So if I was wrong about that-” He shrugs. “Who fucking knows.”

“So you can’t trust me if I don’t tell you,” Steve says. “But if I do, you won’t fucking believe me.” 

“You don’t know I wont believe you.”

“I wouldn’t,” Steve mutters. He  looks over at Eddie. “I don’t- Ask you about your mom or your dad or-” Or where you learned to suck cock or why you don’t want me to tell you how I feel about you.

Something hard ticks over Eddie’s face. “Yeah?” he says. “And I don’t ask you where your bruises come from, or why you have nightmares so bad you came looking for me in the first place, or why you’re not okay even though you keep fucking saying you’re okay-”

“I get it,” Steve breaks in.

“I’d say we’re pretty even on the mind your business front.” Eddie kicks at the footwell, his arms crossed defensively. Steve keeps his eyes on the road. He doesn’t- He can’t think of anything to say. To make it better. “We all have our secrets,” Eddie finally says, relenting. “You can have yours. But this feels different.”

“I want to tell you,” Steve says. “But it sounds crazy. And I can’t- Prove it.” And the gate is closed. “And the reason I have that,” Steve says. “It’s gone now.”

Eddie cocks his head. “If it’s gone, why is the bat still in your trunk?”

Steve swallows, jaw clenching. Why does he still have the bat? He knows why. He just- Tries not to think about that. He dips his head in acknowledgement. “Because, I don’t believe it’s really gone. For good.”

Eddie rubs at his face with his hands, looking up at Steve a little wild in the eyes. “None of this is inspiring faith, man.”

“If the reason I have that bat ever becomes a- Thing you need to know about. If it does ever come back, I’ll tell you everything, I promise,” Steve says. “Can you trust me?”

Eddie looks at him for a long moment, looks at him like he’s trying to see all the way inside him. And then gives a one shouldered shrug. “Fine. Keep your secrets."

[trekkele]

You mentioned in one of your tags that you'd like to write a fic where the batkids find out Alfred wasn't so awesome a parent to Bruce and I wanted to ask if you'd like to share some ideas and directions where you could imagine it going?

Would it change the way the kids think and act around Alfred? Or Bruce? And what are some Major Mistakes Alfred made that in retrospect make a lot of sense regarding Bruce's parenting? And what sent the boulder of realisation going in the first place?

I know it sounds like I'm asking for spoilers or the actual, complete plotline which you probably haven't thought out yet, but I'm just curious about various versions of situations and realisations you think could happen. Or things that you'd like to work into your fic but it just wouldn't fit.

Basically, I love your writing and I love this kind of DramaTM within the Batfam and I'd cherish any crumb of information you would like to share.

Thank you and have a wonderful day! <3

Ok so this premise does rely on good dad Bruce, not because shitty parents cant come from shitty parents (they do, usually) but because i think seeing Bruce not do the things Alfred does would be how the kids (specifically Dick) realize what kind of parent Alfred is.

And this is really a reaction to the “Alfred is a saint for putting up with Bruce” fandom attitude because if you, as a parent or a guardian, are incapable of parenting a kid, no matter how difficult that kid is, it is your responsibility to either find a way to become what your kid needs or find someone who can. I know a lot of us had shitty parents but a traumatized nine year old shouldnt be “put up with” or “handled” they should be parented. At the very least they should be loved, and they should know they are loved. (Gets off parenting soapbox, climbs onto fandom soapbox)

Also every time i think about this fic i start thinking “maybe Alfred deserves some more grace” because he was put in a pretty impossible situation immediately after losing two people he deeply respected, if not loved, and lets be reasonable the 80-90s were uh, not an ideal time for difficult parenting, and the therapy available for children back then would have probably made things worse if not outright given Bruce ptsd (if he didnt already have that), so theres that. On the other hand, Alfred is also fairly consistently shown as being deeply unkind about idiosyncrasies, and unwilling to admit when he’s wrong.

And theres only so many times you can call your adult child an idiot, and imply that you believe every one of their choices to be invalid or wrong, before it turns out that you are Part of The Problem, or at the very least, A Bitch.

Anyways.

The thing is, i dont think it would change much. I think they might stop taking Alfreds word as gospel, especially in regards to Bruce, and i think they might be more forgiving towards Bruce when he messes up in the long term, but the truth is that whats it going to change? How do you apologize to someone for that? What are you apologizing for?

Because ultimately i dont think Bruce is ready to admit that Alfred is, or was, wrong. Bruce knows he was a bad kid, a difficult kid. His teachers and his family and the newspapers, and even Alfred, have admitted that Bruce was a hard kid to raise. Probably harder to love. He’s never surprised when people leave him, after all.

He does know his own kids don’t deserve that style of parenting though. But thats because they’re better than him. He has to do better because they deserve better, because he chose to be there for them. Alfred never really got that choice, did he? Bruce’s parents trusted Alfred, and Alfred stayed out of his respect for them. Not the bratty kid who cried for a year and refused to speak and would hide under the bed instead of sleep.

And thats another thing - if Bruce admits that Alfred wasnt a good parent, if he admits that Alfred made some terrible mistakes, does that mean he’s betraying the trust his parents placed in him? Is he casting blame onto two people he can only idolize, because to do otherwise is to admit he doesn’t remember much of them anymore?

As for how the kids find out, i think Dick realized in his own. I think Jason realizes because Dick stops him from walking in and interrupting a conversation between the two and before he can ask whats going on he hears Alfred slap Bruce. Im not sure about the rest.

*i started answering this, got distracted, finished writing it in my head, and then forgot i never answered it in reality. But i think thats most of what i wanted to say.