#that man did a decent job with bruce but he absolutely fucked up in some way

[trekkele]

You mentioned in one of your tags that you'd like to write a fic where the batkids find out Alfred wasn't so awesome a parent to Bruce and I wanted to ask if you'd like to share some ideas and directions where you could imagine it going?

Would it change the way the kids think and act around Alfred? Or Bruce? And what are some Major Mistakes Alfred made that in retrospect make a lot of sense regarding Bruce's parenting? And what sent the boulder of realisation going in the first place?

I know it sounds like I'm asking for spoilers or the actual, complete plotline which you probably haven't thought out yet, but I'm just curious about various versions of situations and realisations you think could happen. Or things that you'd like to work into your fic but it just wouldn't fit.

Basically, I love your writing and I love this kind of DramaTM within the Batfam and I'd cherish any crumb of information you would like to share.

Thank you and have a wonderful day! <3

Ok so this premise does rely on good dad Bruce, not because shitty parents cant come from shitty parents (they do, usually) but because i think seeing Bruce not do the things Alfred does would be how the kids (specifically Dick) realize what kind of parent Alfred is.

And this is really a reaction to the “Alfred is a saint for putting up with Bruce” fandom attitude because if you, as a parent or a guardian, are incapable of parenting a kid, no matter how difficult that kid is, it is your responsibility to either find a way to become what your kid needs or find someone who can. I know a lot of us had shitty parents but a traumatized nine year old shouldnt be “put up with” or “handled” they should be parented. At the very least they should be loved, and they should know they are loved. (Gets off parenting soapbox, climbs onto fandom soapbox)

Also every time i think about this fic i start thinking “maybe Alfred deserves some more grace” because he was put in a pretty impossible situation immediately after losing two people he deeply respected, if not loved, and lets be reasonable the 80-90s were uh, not an ideal time for difficult parenting, and the therapy available for children back then would have probably made things worse if not outright given Bruce ptsd (if he didnt already have that), so theres that. On the other hand, Alfred is also fairly consistently shown as being deeply unkind about idiosyncrasies, and unwilling to admit when he’s wrong.

And theres only so many times you can call your adult child an idiot, and imply that you believe every one of their choices to be invalid or wrong, before it turns out that you are Part of The Problem, or at the very least, A Bitch.

Anyways.

The thing is, i dont think it would change much. I think they might stop taking Alfreds word as gospel, especially in regards to Bruce, and i think they might be more forgiving towards Bruce when he messes up in the long term, but the truth is that whats it going to change? How do you apologize to someone for that? What are you apologizing for?

Because ultimately i dont think Bruce is ready to admit that Alfred is, or was, wrong. Bruce knows he was a bad kid, a difficult kid. His teachers and his family and the newspapers, and even Alfred, have admitted that Bruce was a hard kid to raise. Probably harder to love. He’s never surprised when people leave him, after all.

He does know his own kids don’t deserve that style of parenting though. But thats because they’re better than him. He has to do better because they deserve better, because he chose to be there for them. Alfred never really got that choice, did he? Bruce’s parents trusted Alfred, and Alfred stayed out of his respect for them. Not the bratty kid who cried for a year and refused to speak and would hide under the bed instead of sleep.

And thats another thing - if Bruce admits that Alfred wasnt a good parent, if he admits that Alfred made some terrible mistakes, does that mean he’s betraying the trust his parents placed in him? Is he casting blame onto two people he can only idolize, because to do otherwise is to admit he doesn’t remember much of them anymore?

As for how the kids find out, i think Dick realized in his own. I think Jason realizes because Dick stops him from walking in and interrupting a conversation between the two and before he can ask whats going on he hears Alfred slap Bruce. Im not sure about the rest.

*i started answering this, got distracted, finished writing it in my head, and then forgot i never answered it in reality. But i think thats most of what i wanted to say.

[hale-13]

En Pointe

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 24 Prompt - Stitches

No matter how much she hates the Red Room, ballet is still Natasha’s go to stress relief. Peter is just curious and eager to learn.

Words: 2311, Chapters: 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark

TW: Broken Bones, Blood

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

“You do ballet?” Peter asks curiously as he watches Natasha tear the shank out of her new pointe shoes. Her old pair is still in pretty decent shape since she only dances on occasion now but its always been relaxing to sew and break in a new pair and it never hurts to have a few back ups.

“Sometimes,” she answers cryptically as she steps on the toe box with her bare heel to flatten it out, Peter watches her fascinated, venturing further into the room and sitting cross-legged a few feet from her. He’s careful not to touch any of her old shoes or the ribbons and other tools and materials spread out in a semi-circle around where she’s sitting. “Why?”

Peter’s fingers are twitching where he has them pressed into his thigh like he’s holding back from touching. “I did ballet as a kid. Just a few months of classes before my parents died and I was terrible but it was fun.”

Natasha hums as she reinforces the toe of the shoe with glue and fans it a little to dry it out. “You probably wouldn’t be so terrible now,” she tells him as she bends one shoe and then the other, enjoying the cracking noise they make as she works them in. She looks over to Peter to consider him for a moment. “Want to try?”

“With you?” He squeaks and its kinda adorable how nervous he is. Nat suppresses a smirk as she puts on her toe spacers and worn out toe pads – the lambs wool she modified these with is absolutely perfect and she won’t even consider using another pair until these designate around her feet.

“Of course,” she answers, standing up and bending first one shoe and then the other before going up en pointe and squatting to work in both shoes. She’ll need to dance on them for a few hours before they start feeling really good but they aren’t too bad right now. Sometimes new shoes just aren’t right no matter how well she prepares them but she has a good feeling about this pair. “You seem mostly coordinated as Spider-Man at least, I think you can handle a few basic positions.”

“Uh yeah,” Peter says, jumping to his feet like an over eager puppy and making Natasha smile a bit. “Yeah that sounds great!” She can almost see his tail wag.

She gestures to the barre running the length of the studio Tony had put in the compound just for her and has them face each other, correcting Peter’s posture as she goes. His sneakers are ratty and falling apart and she wrinkles her nose at them. She taps them with the hard side of the box of her shoe. “Lose those. I don’t have a pair of men’s shoes lying around so you can just go barefoot for now.” Peter hastens to do as she steps into some resin, crunching the small rocks into powder and rubbing it into the sole, box and sides of her shoes. By the time she’s done, Peter has positioned himself back at the barre, barefoot and with the hems of his pants cuffed up to mid calf.

He looks a little nervous and intimidated so Natasha give him a little smile as she hands the barre with her left hand and adjusts herself into first position as Peter stares intently. “We’re going to do some plié to start I’ll show you the positions; this is first.” Peter’s more graceful than she expected, his legs easily falling into place without shaking or him losing his balance like most new students was. She’s almost impressed.

Peter’s a surprisingly quiet student – she’s seen him in the lab with Tony and in the field where the kid is definitely what she would describe as a chatterbox. He asks a few questions here or there but, for the most part, he just observes and follows her lead. He picks up the positions quickly and Natasha puts on some music and instructs him through her usual warm up. By the end he’s sweating a little but he looks relaxed and a little pleased with herself.

“Can you teach me to spin?” He asks her a little shyly but with an undercurrent of excitement, shifting his weight from foot to foot like an overeager puppy and Nat gives him a soft smile.

“Sure,” she says, ditching her point shoes and slipping into some flats. “So you want to start off…”

He falls over the first few times but he nails a sloppy spin the fourth time. He stumbles a little once he stops, arms akimbo and legs spread for balance with a surprised look on his face. He looks at her for a second with a clear expression of ‘did I just do that?’ before letting out an excited laugh and fist pumping. “Holy shit!” He says under his breath and Natasha laughs with him – his good humor infectious. “That was so fun!”

“Try it again,” she says. “And this time keep your arms tucked in tighter and you head fixed on a point. Like this,” she demonstrates again, focusing on a dent in the wall to keep her head from spinning with her body and to keep her from getting dizzy. Peter tries again and cleans up his form a little.

“I think I’ve got it,” he says after another few turns and then he starts again, spinning once, twice, three times and, on the fourth rotation she sees his ankle twist as if in slow motion. Peter lets out a grunt as he loses his balance and, instead of falling, tries to stick to the floor with his abilities. His momentum continues to pull him though and she hears his leg crack in a sound that echos through the studio over the soft music and makes her hair stands on end.

“Fuck!” Peter exclaims and he drops, hitting the smooth wood floor hard and immediately dropping onto his back, face ghostly. His tibia has broken cleanly in two near his ankle and twisted to break through the skin in a grotesque fashion, leaking blood onto the previously pristine floors. Natasha immediately falls back into her extensive first aid training and drops to the floor next to Peter, tying one of her leftover ribbons around his upper calf in a crude tourniquet.

“Let’s get medical down here FRIDAY,” her voice is calm even though her heart rate is elevated. Peter looks about two seconds from passing out but pushes himself up with prodigious effort only to turn green when he sees his leg, turning away from her abruptly to gag and retch. “Get it all out,” she tells him, rubbing a hand across his clammy back.

“It’s…” Peter gags again. “The bone… I…”

“Don’t look at it,” Natasha says firmly, pushing him back to the floor. “Tony told me you were accident prone but I didn’t know you were this bad,” she tells him with humor, pulling off the shrug she had put over her leotard and leggings and mashing it firmly into the wound, making Peter moan and turn white.

“It’s Parker Luck,” he tells her, sounding out of it. He looks like he may pass out and that just won’t do – she needs to keep him awake.

“What’s that?” She asks, brushing the hair off his forehead in a tender gesture and massaging his scalp a little.

“Just my specific brand of bad luck,” Peter says a little sardonically, his voice wavering from the pain. She wants to ask more but the door at the opposite end of the studio flies open hard enough to hit the wall and bounce back as Tony – helicopter mentor extraordinaire – skids into the room and literally trips over his own feet to get to Peter’s side. Natasha would roll her eyes if she wasn’t so concerned herself.

“What happened?” Tony asks her, tone accusatory and Natasha gives him a sharp look.

“We were doing ballet and he spun just a little too hard,” Peter groans from the floor, this time from embarrassment and covers his face with his hands muttering ‘just let me die’ under his breath. Tony flicks him on the forehead.

“Don’t be a dramatic little shit,” he chastises, still looking more worried than anything. “Only you would manage to give yourself a compound fracture learning ballet of all things.”

“Don’t be mean to me,” Peter whines. “I’m injured!”

Natasha can’t hold back her snort at this, the situation would probably be a lot less humorous if she didn’t know Peter would likely be completely back to normal in a couple weeks or less with his healing factor. The kid was like rubber.

“What did you do this time?” Bruce calls from the doorway, pulling a gurney and followed by a small gaggle of nurses. Natasha steps back and away as one of them takes over putting pressure on the still bleeding puncture and pulls Tony with her. She knows that if he had his druthers he would glue himself to Peter’s side and aggravate Bruce and the other medical professionals to death.

The team is quick and efficient in stabilizing Peter’s leg with a temporary splint and loading him on the stretcher, bustling out of her studio with Tony following just as quickly as they came in. Nat isn’t a big fan of crowds so she stays behind, cleaning the tacky blood off the floor before it dries and sets. As it is, the fine grains of the wood are tainted and she knows she has no chance of cleaning all of it out and resigns herself to dealing with flaking blood on the toes of her pointe shoes for the foreseeable future.

Satisfied with her clean up job, she slinks back to her room and showers, washing the remnants of Peter’s blood off her hands and forearms and the sweat out of her hair. She changes into some loungewear and dries her hair and, figuring she’s probably stalled long enough, grabs a book at random from her bookshelf and makes her way to the medical floor.

The halls are silently when she arrives thankfully and the waiting room is empty bar Tony. He’s seated in one corner facing the hall that leads to the operating and recovery rooms and tapping something into his StarkPad, reading glasses perched onto the tip of his nose and in danger of slipping off the end. He looks relaxed which she takes to mean the Peter will be just fine – not that she expected any different.

Tony jumps when she settles into the chair next to him, glasses falling to the floor and nearly fumbling his tablet. He sends her a glare without heat – he’s always complaining about her sneaking up on him but its not her fault he isn’t observant – and sets the tablet aside.

“Well?” She asks, quirking one eyebrow in expectation.

“He’ll be fine,” Tony tells her, relief clear in his voice. “They’d normally have to put in a pin or two but, with his healing, they just want to flush it out really well to prevent infection and then reduce the fracture and throw in some stitches and a brace. He’ll be on bed rest and crutches for the next week or so until the stitches can come out and he can transfer to a boot but he’ll be back up in no time.”

Natasha nods, she expected all of this really and pulls her legs up to sit cross-legged in the small chair. She didn’t do a cool down after her work-out and she can already feel all of her ligaments tightening up – her hips and knees crack as she adjusts and make Tony wrinkle his nose in obvious disgust. “He was doing pretty good for a while,” she says breezily. Kid’s got natural talent.”

“He can’t walk across a flat surface without tripping,” Tony tells her. “Don’t let all of his Spider-Man acrobatics fool you – Peter’s as clumsy as they come. His aunt should have wrapped him and put him in a bubble years ago.”

She laughs, elbowing Tony in the side and dodging his returning nudge. “He’s good for you,” she tells him honestly and Peter really is. She’s known Tony for a long time, considers him one of her closest friends barring Clint and this is the happiest and most settled she’s ever seen him. It makes her happy.

Tony blushes and clears his throat, trying to hide it but she can see the satisfied little smile on his face. He can’t deny his happiness. “Anyway,” he tries, changing the subject swiftly – she lets him. “You’ll have to help keep him entertained since part of this was your fault after all.”

“Not my problem the kid’s an accident waiting to happen,” she says with no heat. She already plans to hang around during Peter’s recovery. She can teach him more about ballet if he wants, he could shape up to be a pretty decent partner with some practice and she thinks it might help him a little with his balance and enhancements. Control of your body is important for both after all.

Later when Bruce leads them to Peter’s recovery room he gives her a knowing look that she ignores in favor of perching on the edge of the bed and teasing Peter about his poor technique. He’s high as a kite from the enhanced pain meds and cackles at her good natured jokes. Tony threatens to put him in a cushioned room for the rest of his life and Peter rolls his eyes like this is all par for the course.

He falls asleep again pretty quickly, drooling onto the pillow and twitching a little as he dreams and Natasha feels her chest feel with warmth.

Yes, she thinks Peter will make an excellent student.

[strawberrysoup]

Let’s Review || Chapter 11

Peter Parker knew that his big sister would do anything for him to be safe and happy. She’d given up everything for him twice over already and would do it again in a heartbeat. And that’s why, when the criminal mastermind Tony Stark started inextricably following him around, he didn’t say a word. Because he knew without a doubt Penny would do whatever she had to if it meant keeping Peter safe. He had to protect her, just like she always protected him. He never considered what would happen if Stark decided both Parker siblings were worth taking. Never considered who else in Stark’s inner circle would agree. He just wanted to protect her and yet somehow, they both ended up with needles in their necks.

relationship: Steve Rogers/Original Female Character/Bucky Barnes, background Peter Parker/Tony Stark rating: Explicit/18+ warnings: Dark Steve Rogers, Dark Bucky Barnes, Dark Tony Stark, Dark Avengers, kidnapping, non-con/dub-con elements, underage Peter Parker, emotional and psychological abuse, very dark 

There was a weird sense of urgency and purpose when the soldiers appeared to collect her from the kitchens. They weren’t frantic per say, but she was definitely aware of a certain energy around them. As soon as Bucky walked through the doors, he made a beeline for her and swept her up into his arms. The pair were pretty touchy feely with her as a rule, but this was different for some reason. 

Most of Penny’s irritation had dissolved with the excellent meal she’d received. Chef Cohen had prepared Shakshuka, a very traditional dish that she hadn’t eaten since her mother had died. She’d burst into tears at the first bite and thanked him profusely through the meal. He was a very kind man in his late 50’s who explained that he was at her disposal whenever she was hungry, literally at any time, and would make whatever she asked for. She didn’t even have to know what she wanted specifically, all she had to do was ask for food and he would whip something up in less than an hour. 

She wasn’t sure if he understood her circumstances. He never let on that he had any idea what the situation was and she was too afraid to tell him and potentially put him in danger. He was so nice, had told her about his family— she couldn’t do anything to jeopardize him. And if he did know, she decided she’d rather him not tell her. He felt like he could be a friend if not a confidant and she couldn’t ruin that. 

“Did you have a good breakfast precious?” Bucky’s voice was nearly a coo, burying her into his arms and nuzzling against the side of her face, “I’m so sorry, baby, I’m so sorry we didn’t realize how hungry you were. We should’ve noticed, we should’ve taken better care of you.” 

Penny didn’t get a chance to answer before Steve came up behind her, pressing against her back and wrapping around the both of them, “we’re gonna do a better job from now on, doll, I promise.”

“We’re gonna take you to see Bruce for a check up, okay?” the brunet pressed against her brushed his lips over her temple, “Peter said you haven’t been to the doctor in a while, he’s just going to make sure you’re alright. If there’s anything you want to talk to him about, we’ll step out of the room.”

For a moment, she considered not answering. She hated that they were making her do anything, that they were telling her what was going to happen instead of asking, but she hadn’t been to a doctor in nearly 10 years. In fact, her desire to go to the doctor was outweighing her irritation. The food had helped too. 

“Yeah, okay,” she nodded in agreement, ignoring their mutual smiles as Bucky pulled back and wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her close before beginning to walk back towards the elevators. 

It didn’t take long to get to the doctor’s office, which was actually a lab. In the back of her head she remembered Tony saying that Bruce was a scientist that Peter liked to learn from. It would’ve endeared the man to her, if he wasn’t so fucking complicit in her kidnapping. The same thing had happened with Clint; he seemed like such a decent guy, they could’ve been friends in any other situation, and yet he wasn’t doing anything to help her. 

“Hey guys, come on in, I’m just finishing this up,” Bruce called from behind a computer, gesturing towards a table that almost resembled the chair from a doctor’s office. 

Steve lifted her up, setting her on the edge and giving her what was—fuck that was winning smile. She refused to let her heart race, remembering back to once upon a time in the coffee shop when she’d thought he was incredibly attractive and so, so nice. It was almost distracting. He leaned down and brushed his nose against hers sweetly, pressing a kiss there a moment later before backing away. 

“Alright Penny, I went ahead and pulled your medical records,” Penny didn’t want to know how he’d done that, what an invasion of privacy, “but we’re going to need to go through a lot of it now since you haven’t seen a doctor in so long and you’re a lot older now. If at any time you’re uncomfortable answering questions in front of Bucky and Steve, all you have to do is let me know and I’ll send them out, okay?” 

“Okay,” nervousness was thrumming through her a bit more now- God she hadn’t been to the doctor in so long, she wasn't sure what to expect. 

An arm came around her shoulders, a metal hand settling over the top of her arm. Bucky had saddled up as close to the table as possible, trying to offer comfort through his presence. She would absolutely never admit that she leaned into his heat a little, or that the attempt was even fractionally successful. 

The appointment wasn't as nerve wracking as she'd expected; there were a lot of questions about her past medical history and family medical history, her habits regarding smoking and drinking and exercise, he looked in her eyes and ears and listened to her breathing, did she have any allergies or take any medications? It was a lot of things she remembered from going to the doctor as a kid.

There was only one time when her heart felt like it might burst out of her chest: Bruce mentioned wanting to do a blood test. It was important in part because she hadn't ever had one, but also because she was Jewish and there were dozens of diseases passed genetically through the population. She knew of them of course, Tay-sachs and Gauchers and a slew of other things, but she'd never considered she could have them— there was no time. 

Luckily, he'd decided it wasn't a good time since she had barely been eating. Escape had been on her mind almost constantly since waking up in Stark's home but never so critically as when she thought there would be needles involved. Penny's fear of needles had started as a child and overtime had become an overwhelming, if irrational, phobia. The kidnapping via injection certainly made it worse too. 

Bruce finished up, continuing to address her rather than Steve or Bucky. It seemed peculiar for some reason, that he was being sure to treat her like her own person instead of the soldiers' property. 

"Have you ever had blood drawn Penny?" 

"Uhm, no," she did her best not to shift, not wanting to show weakness, "I'm sure it's not really necessary. I feel completely fine and—"

"There are certain genetically linked diseases I can test for with a blood panel. The fact that you probably have anemia is a little worrying because of your heritage. Now we can’t do the test today, you haven’t been eating or drinking enough, but we’ll keep an eye on your recovery over the next few days and schedule one. That being said, I want to hook up an IV for a few hours, you’re very dehydrated.”

“No, thank you,” Penny stood up from the table, composing her face carefully and putting her hands on her hips, “I’d rather just drink water.” 

“Penny I can tell you haven’t been getting enough hydration for days,” Bruce stated, ignoring the semi-panicked looks the soldiers sent each other, “Whatever your reasoning was, it’s hurting you. A drip will rehydrate you relatively quickly and you can get on with your day.” 

“I’m not in any critical danger, drinking water will be enough,” usually she wouldn’t argue with a doctor but if he came near her with a needle she would throw down. 

“Doll, it’s not an option.” 

God, how many times had she heard that. It’s not an option. It’s not an option. Nothing was ever an option. She’d been kidnapped, was being held against her will— fuck, she refused to list their sins against her again.

"I'm an adult, I get to decide what medical procedures I do and don't consent to."

"Baby, did you hit your head again? I think we're a little past consent." 

How many times would she have to physically fight these motherfuckers before they gave up. 

"I hate needles," she snapped, glaring at Steve with as much rage as she could muster, "no blood draws, no IVs, no vaccines, nothing."

Bucky stepped closer to her side, an imploring look on his face, "your health is suffering right now sweetheart, if Bruce says you need an IV, you're going to get it. We're going to take of you, Penny." 

They'd done a real stand up job of taking care of her in the last several days for sure. She'd only ended up drugged, concussed twice over, half starved, dangerously sleep deprived, and enraged. The skepticism must've shown on her face because Bucky visibly winced at the implication while Bruce had to turn and pretend to cough to cover his laughter. 

"Sweetheart, I understand that it makes you uncomfortable," Steve somehow managed to manifest in front of her in the blink of an eye and she startled backwards a step. 

The blond was freakishly fast and Penny was beginning to suspect that everyone calling him and Bucky 'super soldiers' weren't just mocking their demeanors. Steve had been strong enough to snap the lock on the bathroom door like twig, could bodily lift her with just one arm, and he moved a fraction of an inch too fast to be normal. Bucky was similar in the strength department, plus he had that arm. But instead of nearly vibrating with restrained power at all times, Bucky was almost preternaturally still. Even when she moved in the middle of the night and startled him awake, the only way she knew was because his eyes would open. He was so still sometimes she wondered if he even had to breathe, was his heart even beating? 

The brunette's arms came to wrap gently around her shoulders from behind; the way he held her was more reminiscent of a loving cuddle than a restraint but it worked all the same. If they didn't want her to go anywhere, it was going to be very hard to run off. The doors to the lab swept open abruptly, as if beckoning her to escape, but no one came through. JARVIS, always looking out. 

"I'll make your lives hell," she hissed through gritted teeth, eyes locked on the blond in front of her while Bucky backed them up and sat on the exam chair, tugging her into his lap, "if you come near me with a needle I'll shove it through your eye." 

"Penny, be sweet," Bucky's tone was firm, his arms squeezing around her in what she assumed was supposed to be a comforting gesture, "it'll all be okay and you'll feel so much better after."

Penny's eyes were dragged away from Steve when she caught movement, zeroing in on Bruce. He was fiddling with something in crinkly plastic and her blood froze in her veins when she realized it was a sterilized needle. He was preparing an IV despite her protests and panic began coursing through her like poison. 

"W-wait, wait I don't need an IV, I swear I feel fine, I'll drink a ton of water, don't do this—" 

"It’s gonna be alright babydoll," Steve cooed, understanding that her anger in this case was 100% a result of sheer terror, "Buck's gonna hold you the whole time. Bruce will give you a shot to numb the pain and—" 

"No, n-no, no, no please," Penny could barely move as Bucky locked his arms in place, holding her steady while Steve moved to block her view of Bruce, who was filling a syringe with lidocaine. 

"Shhhh, just watch me, baby," the blond brought his hands up to cup her face, manipulating her head to face him dead on, "don't pay attention to Bruce, just keep your eyes on mine." 

Tears of panic and fear began falling from her eyes, overwhelming terror beginning to consume her. There was no rationalizing the phobia, no talking herself through the fear, all she could think was I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. When she could hear the doctor's footsteps shift in their direction, she opened her mouth and started to scream bloody murder. Thrashing wasn't effective in the least but she did the best she could, jerking every inch of her body as violently as possible. She couldn't hear anything any of them were saying, she couldn't even hear her own screams; all she could hear was the blood rushing through her ears and the mantra, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die over and over again in her head. 

"Dr. Banner, sir is currently on his way and asks that you wait to perform any procedures until he arrives." 

Bucky tensed under her but Penny barely noticed. The edges of her vision were going dark and Steve wasn't so much holding her face in place anymore as trying to caress her cheeks and jaw. She could see the doors to the lab, still open as if waiting for her to run.

Instead, Stark came through them. There was a tightness to his usual swagger and she wondered if she was imagining the irritation in the lines of his face. 

"You know I thought I had sound proofed all of the labs, but I can hear my poor girl screaming from three floors away," he commented casually as he swept in, easily pushing past Steve and stealing Penny from Bucky's lap,  pulling her into the cage of his arms, "now this is over an IV, correct?"

"Please, please, please—" Penny's voice choked off in a sob as she tried to tug away and make a break for the door. 

"Shhhh, angel, look at me," Tony carefully manipulated her head, making her look up at him through her panic, "you're going to drink plenty of water and relax all day, understand? You're going to eat plenty and drink so much water you have to pee every thirty minutes." 

"N-no needles—" 

"That's right baby, no needles," he pulled her into his chest and hushed her, stroking her hair gently while giving the three men behind her a careful look, "with supervision you'll be fine without an IV, but you have to be good, do everything you're told. Can you be a good girl for me, Penny?"

Steve and Bucky watched as their girl nodded against the man's shoulder, still crying. This wouldn't be strike two, not quite since she'd gotten so upset as a result of them trying to take care of her, but apprehension was setting in. Tony was their friend, but he wouldn't put their feelings before Penny's and that was a dangerous position to be in. Especially considering JARVIS had all but jumped ship on them and was firmly on Penny's side. 

"Now, is there anything else Brucie Bear? Because I think Penny here is gonna come with me to the labs and watch Peter try to make a robot." 

Somehow, despite the fact that they knew Penny hated Tony just as much if not more than she hated them, he was the one who managed to get through to her. Tony Stark was her mortal enemy, the kidnapper, the pedophile, and yet he was the one holding her while she cried in distress. Bucky and Steve watched on in amazement and disbelief. 

There was something about Tony that was just a touch unnatural. The way he could manipulate people was almost beyond comprehension. It showed in his friendships, the way that people who were sent to kill him were so easily turned to his side. People who didn’t want anyone, who didn’t want friends, found themselves enfolded in his presence. It was also apparent in the way that Peter had almost accepted his new situation, how he was so quickly coming to terms with the way his life had changed. Tony Stark was, as far as anyone knew, not enhanced in any way, but some of his companions had started to wonder. 

They watched as the older man spirited her away, talking loudly and keeping her tucked under his arm as they walked. Steve and Bucky were left in the dust, feeling dejected once again. 

“Leave it to Tony to decide he has more medical authority than me,” Bruce gave a low snort, rolling his eyes, “does he have 7 PHDs? No, he doesn't.” 

“We keep fuckin’ it up, don’t we?” Bucky groaned, watching the doctor step back towards his computer system, “We’re gonna end up dead. World War II and HYDRA couldn’t kill us but Tony fuckin’ Stark sure will.” 

“Hard to compete with a Goddamn witch,” Steve muttered, running a hand through his hair before crossing his arms over his chest. 

“You two need to be doing what Tony is with Peter,” Bruce interjected before the super soldiers could continue to lament their situation, “he panders to him just enough to keep him happy. He can give an inch and Peter thinks its a mile. You’re strategic geniuses, master interrogators, use your strengths.” 

The ‘dumbasses’ was implied at the end of the statement. In all fairness, he was right. 

Steve exhaled through his nose, a stabilizing breath, before turning to regard Bucky, “A garden, to start. She had a lot of things on her Pinterest account, we’re gonna look through there. JARVIS? Can you please make sure our kitchen is stocked with plenty of kosher foods?” 

“And is there anyway we can get the extra room in the apartment turned into a garden? Maybe a rooftop garden?” 

“Sir has given me full discretion to green light any construction projects that will aid in Ms. Parker’s adjustment. A section of the roof can easily be cleared for a garden and greenhouse. The east facing wall of the spare room can be replaced with floor to ceiling windows and UV lights can be installed. Might I also suggest a knitting area?”

"Yeah, that," Bucky nodded, "any other suggestions JARV?" 

"On her Pinterest Ms. Parker has shown interest in softball, soccer, crocheting, yoga and video games."

"Can you have everything she needs for those things sent for and brought to the apartment? And have everything set up as much as possible considering the renovations that'll be made for the garden room?"

"Yes sergeant, although I would suggest making room in your personal gym for Ms. Parker do to yoga."

“Good idea JARVIS,” Bucky felt a bit of relief that the AI was willing to help, even if it was only because it would help Penny in the long run, “I know we talked about keeping her secluded but I think we should show her the game room, introduce her to Thor and Sam so she can play video games with them.” 

Steve looked hesitant. The brunet knew why; they’d waited what felt like so long to find a girl who appealed to both of them. They were possessive by nature and having so little over time, growing up in the Great Depression followed by fighting in the war, only to suffer a hellish betrayal and go into the ice for so long, meant they were covetous. Sharing their girl so soon was uncomfortable and just the idea made both of them chafe. 

“Yeah, we should,” he choked after a moment, clearing his throat. 

“We’re gonna build a life, Stevie,” Bucky said quietly, stepping closer to the man and putting his hands on his shoulders, “we’re going to work this out with our girl and eventually, she’ll want to be with us as much as she can. But until we get to that point we have to make some concessions.” 

“But she’ll still sleep in our bed.”

“Yes Stevie, she’ll still sleep in our bed.” 

[whumpbby]

Somehow, I'm in a total Stray!Jay mood. I can't stop thinking about little homeless baby Jay -who knows that Catwoman sometimes gives big chunks of her stolen money to local charity and woman shelters- warning Catwoman when Batman is coming or causing a commotion to help her get away and Selina spots the tail end of him and when she finds him jacking the freaking batmobile's tires not half a year later, she just can't help herself. If Batman can have a Robin, she can have a little kitten, damnit

I love the idea that Selina has absolutely no idea how to take care of a child - give them food and a bed, right? That’s it? Beans on toast sounds fine, right? It’s Jason who has to remind her that she should probably send him to school and that he needs help with homework?

Like, she has no maternal instincts to fill out a thimble to begin with and at the beginning treats Jason like he’s a small adult, it takes time for her to realise that he’s a really traumatised child and she needs to step up, that he’s not one of her cats and won’t come to her crying in obvious distress when something goes wrong - she needs to be more attentive if she wants to keep him, she can’t keep being the Cool Aunt forever... she has spent so much of her youth proving that she’s a strong woman who needs no man and isn’t one of these women who just want kids and white picket fence... that now she’s in her early thirties an has no idea what to even feed a child of 11... 

(I like to think that she was a rebellious teen and her rebellion was based on proving that ‘she’s not like others!’ and she can be like a cat, a slick and smooth loner... except it took her years to realise that cats are very social creatures and she brought into one stereotype while trying to escape another, and that ‘these women’ were not at all inferior to her ‘strong womanTM persona’ and that she spent years rebelling against her own sexist views... which left her humbled with a realisation that she missed out on some powerful human connections. Just like Bruce, who shrouded himself in his Mission, her shroud was named Independence.)

As humiliating as it is, she needs to turn to someone more experienced for help, and who is there to advise her on taking in a poor orphan boy? But it’s not like she’s going to outright ask Bruce, that would give him something to lord over her... So, she sets out to observe how he acts around his Robin and his son. She reads a few parenting books, even books an hour or two with an adviser and talks to her therapist about it (she got herself a therapist as soon as she could afford them, she’s not stupid, she saw what untended grief did to Bruce and may others) and armed herself with the knowledge of Entering Parenthood.

And she talked to Jason, she had to talk to him. He was a distrustful and skittish boy, so smart, damn, she lucked out, but he obviously went through a lot of shit and the look in his eyes was something she knew so well, the way he hoarded food, the way he kept his backpack ready, the way he shied away form men - it was all familiar. It was heartbreaking, but she knew that. God knows she wouldn’t know what to do with Dick Grayson if she had him, they’d both probably end up dead within a month, but this little street rat? This was like looking into a mirror. 

And she doesn’t set up with the idea of making him her sidekick - she wants him to go to school, to help deal with his emotions, to feed him up, because he’s so tiny... weeks pass and with each of them she wants more and more for him, soon enough nothing is enough, she wants the world for her little kitten and starts to set things up to achieve it. Alright, maybe she’s going over the top, maybe she’s a bit dramatic, maybe she let the ‘motherhood’ get to her head... but, hell, Bruce pretty much built his son a whole damn tower of operations for his sixteenth birthday, she couldn’t ever reach that level of ridiculousness, could she? What was an investment fund or two when compare to that? 

Except Jason ends up tangled into her affairs anyway, and what a charming little kitten he makes! Smooth talker with vicious elbows, he’s a great backup and takes to their night job like a fish to water! And she did make sure to get him decent pants and sleeves, for fuck’s sake, he was thirteen! 

[braincoins]

Unusual Halloween Movies

Tired of Jason, Freddy, and Michael? Want something new this year? Boy, do I have some treats lined up for you! I’ve used JustWatch to list the streaming options (though these are US streaming options; I maaaaay be up for some streaming fun on Halloween...). I’ll tell you right now, this list can almost perfectly be broken into three categories: Horror-Comedy, Sci-Fi Horror, or International Horror.

American Mary -  A medical student drowning under tuition debt finds a lucrative practice when she enters the world of body modification. ngl, I remember liking this movie but it’s been a bit since I saw it, so for the CONTENT WARNINGS I’m going to straight up rip the MPAA here: Rated R for strong aberrant violent content including disturbing images, torture, a rape, sexual content, graphic nudity, language and brief drug use

Ava’s Possessions - Ever wonder what life is like once all your demons have been exorcised - literally? Now that Ava is free of the demon that once possessed her, she’s out of a job, down a few friends, and facing charges for the acts of violence her demon did. The only way to get out of trouble is to go to the demon-equivalent of AA. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly blood and bad language; some mild sexual content 

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon - A journalism grad student interviews a young man in training to be the next slasher killer, ala Jason/Freddy/Michael. An absolute treat of a movie for anyone who loves slasher films; it’s about 3/4 mockumentary, 1/4 actual horror film when she realizes that, no, really, he’s going to go kill all those co-eds. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, naked boobs (”Ugh. Is that REALLY necessary?” “Now, Taylor, who’s telling this story?”), sex, occasional panty shots (because, again, slasher films). 

Bubba Ho-Tep - OH MAN another one I had to go back and add in ‘cause REALLY NOW. Elvis is in a nursing home (at least, he says he’s the real Elvis) and he and JFK (who is played by Ossie Davis - who you will note is NOT white) have to fight off a resurrected mummy who sucks the souls of the living out of their assholes. Bruce Campbell stars. HOW IS THAT NOT AWESOME ENOUGH FOR YOU?! CONTENT WARNING: Um... look, I think you kinda already know what sort of content to expect given what I just told you about the story.

Bulbbul (Netflix Original) -  (Hindi Language) During the 19th century Bengali Presidency, something - or someone? - is haunting the woods around a lord’s estate, killing men in gruesome ways. The lord has left his estate in charge of his young wife, while his younger brother, who’d been away studying in London, returns to hunt down whatever is causing these mysterious deaths. CONTENT WARNINGS: child bride, blood, and what Netflix calls “sexual violence”, meaning a rape scene so graphic (despite not showing any nudity or genitalia) that it is GUARANTEED to make you uncomfortable. The movie was written and directed by a woman, so there is nothing intended to be “sexy” about this at all. If you can make it through that scene, though, there is a definite payoff for it. (Or should I say “payback”?)

Eli (Netflix Original) - A young, incredibly sick boy with a fragile immune system is brought by his parents to a clinic for an experimental treatment that may be their last hope. But all is not as it seems within the walls of this place... perhaps literally. CONTENT WARNINGS: mostly just language, a few mild jump scares. People get set on fire at one point. No biggie. 

Errementari: the Blacksmith and the Devil (Netflix Original) - (Basque Language) Based on a Basque folk tale. Eight years after the First Carlist War, a government official comes to a small, impoverished Basque town asking after the blacksmith. Everyone tries to warn him away; the blacksmith is an evil, evil man. But he is on the trail of some Carlist gold that might be in the smithy, and the prospect of the gold wins him some helpers. And while everyone is distracted by that, a young orphan girl manages to get onto the blacksmith’s property. And what she finds there, no one could have expected... CONTENT WARNINGS: I took a screenshot of Netflix’s list of warnings just because it amuses me:

[sings “One of these things is not like the others...”]

Europa Report - Look, I really can’t recommend this enough for fans of found-footage features and people who can stand slower-paced, constantly-building terror. An international mission is sent to investigate Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter. (Those of you who are fans of real-world space exploration know that Europa is considered a prime target for extraterrestrial life within our solar system.) Contact was lost with the mission for a long time, until the data streams came flooding into Earth all at once. And what they showed... CONTENT WARNINGS: Like I said: slower pace than most horror/thriller movies. It builds slow and steady. There’s really not much in the way of blood and gore, though; an excellent example of terror without resorting to buckets of red corn syrup.

Event Horizon - Hellraiser in Space? Hellraiser in Space. Except the Lamentation Configuration is a fucking SPACE SHIP. Also, props for genre-savvy cast. CONTENT WARNINGS: EYE SCREAM. Blood, gore, and, no really, THE EYE THING. Did I mention the gore and the blood? Oh, and language. And blink-and-you-miss it nudity & sex.

Grabbers - Strange creatures are attacking a small Irish coastal town and the only way to protect yourself is... to be drunk? CONTENT WARNINGS: I mean, it’s Irish and everyone’s drunk, so bad language (by American standards) is a given. That’s... really about it, unless you have a tentacle phobia.

Green Room -  An up-and-coming punk band show up to play a gig and realize too late that they’re playing at a Neo-Nazi club. And when they happen to see something they... really shouldn’t have, it becomes an all-out fight for survival. Same director as Murder Party, though this movie was made later with a much better budget. CONTENT WARNINGS: Violence, blood, gore, and yes, some dogs die because they were trained to be vicious attack dogs by Neo-Nazis. :( Also, the most important content warning of all? PATRICK STEWART PLAYS A NEO-NAZI. (You think I’m joking, but for someone who grew up with him as Jean-Luc Picard, it is downright unsettling to see, okay?)

Life - Think Alien meets Europa Report (above). The six-member crew of the International Space Station are given a sample from Mars that might contain actual extraterrestrial life.  CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood. No, let me say that again: BLOOD. Sounds of bones breaking. Alien creature entering someone’s mouth and killing them from the inside (probably through a combination of choking them/asphyxiating them on their own blood/devouring their blood? It’s not clear, it’s just UNSETTLING).

Murder Party - This is what happens when snobby art school brats try to kill someone. (Read: it doesn’t go well.) Fuckin’ bop of a Halloween song over the end credits, too. Also, at least two characters are canonically bisexual. Same director as Green Room, though this movie was made first (with a much lower budget). CONTENT WARNINGS: bad language, blood, gore, nudity, mild sexual content (the nudity is supposed to be “artistic”). The dog probably DOES die, given the circumstances, but it doesn’t happen on screen, at least? And the dog gets some pretty decent comeuppance first... Also, 1000000% accurate cat representation. 

The Perfection (Netflix Original) - A former cello virtuoso (virtuosa?) gets in touch with her former teacher and meets his new star pupil. An instant connection is formed between the two women... or is it? (Yes, there are lesbians!) CONTENT WARNINGS: oh chaos, where do I start? Bugs under the skin, hacking off body parts, blood, gore, mild sexual content, sexual abuse, and the movie itself is complete and utter MINDFUCKERY. Did you like “Tales from the Crypt” as a kid? You’ll probably dig this. 

Ravenous - With apologies to all Native Americans, but at least they did get actual Native American actors for those parts (George is played by a Pueblo actor; his sister Martha is played by an actress of Menominee and Stockbridge-Munsee descent). A soldier who won a questionable victory during the Mexican-American war is given a hero’s status and then an exile to a remote fort in the Sierra Nevadas. Not long after he arrives, a would-be settler arrives with a harrowing tale, calling for help for what few survivors there are of his wagon train. The two friendly Native Americans at the fort issue warnings that go unheeded, of course. CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, cannibalism, PTSD.

Slither - James Gunn’s 2006 Feature Movie Directorial Debut! He wrote it, too. An homage to B-movie gore flicks like you’d see at the drive-in. I am just copying and pasting the IMDB summary ‘cause I love this movie too much to be concise about it: A small town is taken over by an alien plague, turning residents into zombies and all forms of mutant monsters. (Oh, but don’t forget the nasty, slithery blood worm things!) CONTENT WARNINGS: Nasty, slithery blood worm things. GORE, BLOOD, GORE, GORE. A very uncomfortable sex scene. Michael Rooker.

They’re Watching - An American TV crew filming what is essentially “House Hunters: Eastern Europe” stumble into superstitions, folklore, and... TERROR!! MWAHAHAHAHA. No, seriously, I LOVE how it’s basically “What if some HGTV crew wound up waaaaaaaay in over their heads, in a horrible and bloody way?” CONTENT WARNINGS: Blood, gore, and NO WI-FI.

[bigskydreaming]

In my ideal world where Dick and Jason have the strong brotherly bond I want them to have, the Ric Grayson thing happened like in canon, and Bruce and Babs came back to the rest of the family and reported Ric wants to be left alone and they should all respect his wishes. 

But two seconds later Jason’s halfway out the window and Bruce is like, “Jason, are you listening?” 

And Jason calls back over his shoulder: “Totally, it was a really neat story B, I just remembered I left the stove on, gotta go, bye!”

Then he drives straight to Titans Tower where he abducts/sorta-politely-requests-the-assistance-of Lilith. “I need your help with something, c’mon you owe me.” 

And Lilith’s like: “....you’ve never done done a damn thing for me in my life, why the fuck would I owe you anything?”

And Jason’s all: “Ugh, damn. I was sorta hoping if I just led with that and put enough conviction in it you’d just roll with it, I hate doing this next part if I can avoid it.” 

To which he adds, through gritted teeth, with actual beads of blood rolling down his forehead where normally there would merely be beads of sweat as proof of exertion, but everything’s just a Little Bit Extra when Jason does it: “I need your help with something, c’mon, I’ll owe you.”

And then Lilith’s eyes glow and in a thunderous voice that rattles the heavens in their windowpanes, Lilith says, "The bargain has been struck, so shall it be!”

And Jason’s like: ”...what the fuck was that.” 

Lil just shrugs and says, “I’m not really sure. I’m maybe a little bit of a demigoddess or something? Hard to say, nobody ever spends enough time on me as a character or actually finishes my plotlines enough for me to actually know what my whole deal even is. Its kinda like Donna, but my story arcs are more just ‘All the confusion, but none of the denoument’.”

“Huh. Hey are we breaking the fourth wall right now?”

“Oh, totally. But I’m pretty sure we’re allowed because gay rights.”

“Sweet.”

And then they go together to Bludhaven and break into Ric’s apartment and Ric’s like who the fuck are you, and Jason’s all: “I’m the brother of the guy who’s you but faster and this is Lilith, she’s maybe a demigoddess, we’re not sure.”

And Ric’s just: “I have no idea wtf any of that means, and the way just the sound of it makes my head hurt is why I’m pretty sure I told Desperately In Need Of Therapy Man and the redhead who made a point to tell me a hundred different times in under five minutes that she and I definitely never dated, when literally all I asked was if she knew where the bathroom was: I. Don’t. Want. None. Of. Your. Drama.”

Jason just smirks. “Oh no, I got your message loud and clear with the rest of the family. Its just that I’m better at loopholes than the rest of them. Also logic. And I mean, pretty much everything. Definitely the best at not staying dead, and having flair, like at least I actually know how to stage a comeback...”

Lilith interrupts him gently. “Jason? Think you’re getting off topic, maybe?”

“Oh. Right. Point is, so yeah, I heard what you wanted but then I thought to myself, Self, why should I give a fuck what THIS dude wants, when as he pointed out, he’s not even my brother? Like, he’s totally legit for not wanting shit to do with our hot mess of a family. I can kinda even respect him for that and for just spitting it out there rather than succumbing to the existence-sucking vortex that is our dad’s Eternal Depression Spiral and Ensuing Drama which then takes over our entire lives as well and creeps ever onward in its quest to eventually swallow the entire universe. I mean like Darkseid could never, he’s amateur hour compared to the endless Night of Brooding that B would darken the whole universe with if he didn’t have us to gut-check his ego and be all “get over yourself dude, you and your issues are not the most important thing in existence” every once in awhile...”

Ric: “I think your friend mentioned something about a point.”

Jason glares at him. “I was getting to it! I think. Eventually. Okay here’s the deal, Understudy That Nobody Asked For, you’re absolutely valid for saying you don’t owe us jack shit, but turn around is fair play and turns out, that just means I don’t owe you jack shit either. You’re not my brother, and so instead of giving a fuck what you want, I asked my self, Self, what would my actual brother want here? Would he want to just...not exist, while his family is currently in the midst of being the hottest of all hot messes to ever mess hotly? Or would he want somebody to go grab one of the most powerful psychics in existence, who also happens to be a close personal friend of his, and get her to just exorcise the Existential Crisis That Just Didn’t Know When To Quit so I could have my brother back and we could all just get back to normal? I mean, except for you, I guess that would probably suck from your perspective, its just - as established, I don’t have to give a fuck, soooooo.....I’ve decided not to....I know, awkward, huh....”

And Ric blinks. “Fuck. Your logic is sound. The parts of it I understood at least. Umm...I’m not thrilled, obviously, but it doesn’t sound like I could do anything to stop it and its not like I’m exactly living it up and having just an awesome, enviable existence or anything, so....what even happens now?”

Jason checks his watch. “Oh I think now we just wait another ten seconds for Lilith to finish what she’s been doing since we got here while I vamped like a motherfucker and kept you too distracted to try and keep her from messing with your head. Which the ironic thing is you probably coulda done a pretty decent job of if you’d known to try, since one of the many things you didn’t want to know about my brother is that he has freakishly obnoxious willpower he uses in all sorts of other ways besides just being a stubborn asshole, and since you’re basically him no matter what you pretend or want to believe, that probably applies to you too, and so....”

And then Dick blinks and stumbles before catching himself gracefully because he’s Dick Grayson (again) and that’s just what he does, be smooth and graceful like a stubborn asshole even when he’s drugged or sleep deprived or just awakening from several months locked inside his own subconscious because amnesia or whatthefuckever.

Ugh, Jason thinks to himself grumpily. His brother is just the absolute worst.

And Dick’s like: “Jason? Lil? What are you two doing here? Together? And wait, where is here? What the fuck happened?”

And Jason’s all: “So much, Dickiebird, but almost none of it is interesting or anything I care about. So catch the Cliff Notes later from somebody who was actually paying attention and just head back to Gotham with me so I can reclaim my apartment from the Turdlings who have started dropping by it whenever the fuck they feel like. Because apparently, they’ve decided in your absence all Oldest Brother Privileges and Responsibilities are automatically ceded to me, and I absolutely fucking object. Especially since it turns out the ‘privileges’ are misnamed at best and totally not fucking worth it. In fact, I object so fucking much, our next stop is Zatanna or some other big name magic wunderkind so they can whammy you with some kind of immortality ritual, I don’t care how hard it is, I will pay literally any price and take it out of Bruce’s bank accounts because I’ve decided you’re just not allowed to die now, ever, I fucking refuse to have to put up with any of this bullshit again, the next time you try and fuck off to the Great Trapeze in the Sky.”

And Dick blinks, like; “What?”

Jason just whines like the big baby he really is underneath all the bluster and bloodshed. “Look its been a very long year and I’m tired and stressed and can we just go home already, this place sucks and I hate it. Like damn, you really live like this? Amnesia You apparently decided to rebel against good taste along with everything else.”

Dick softens. “Sure Little Wing, lets go home and see if someone else can catch me up to speed. You do tend to leave out a lot of pertinent information on the basis of not caring about things other people consider relevant. Like....laws.”

“Fuck you, I can’t believe you’re coming for me and my amorality like this when I just saved your overrated ass from a lifetime of not existing but also making terrible life choices.”

“And I’m sure I’ll be very grateful once I understand what exactly it is you saved me from, I can’t properly appreciate you if I don’t know what the stakes were, can I?” Dick says. Before Jason can appear too mollified though, he continues. “Although from what I have put together so far, it sounds like Lilith probably did most of the heavy lifting, so isn’t it really her who saved me?”

“This is why I never do nice things for you!”

“I’m joking, jeez, lighten up, Little Wing. Just because your frame is load-bearing now doesn’t mean you gotta act like everything’s so heavy...”

“Hah! I knew you resented me for being bigger than you ever since I came back!”

“Well I’m sorry, its just not natural. I’m the oldest brother, I’m supposed to be bigger than you, that’s just the rule....”

“Oh, well excuuuuuuuuse me, Mr. I Make the Rules, I’m so sorry for getting murdered and then coming back from the dead and being thrown into a Lazarus Pit that just happened to have the side effect of making my remaining growth spurts get me all the way to my optimal size...”

“Aha! So you admit that your being bigger than me isn’t a natural phenomenon!”

“Oh please, I would have ended up bigger than you even without the Lazarus Pit. You’re a shrimp! You’re a shrimp that flies, its that whole acrobat/gymnast thing, you’re a tiny little man and you just need to get over the fact that everyone else who is over eighteen and not Tim is always going to be bigger than you and always was!”

“Aaaaand, they’re back,” Lilith sighs to herself, rolling her eyes fondly as she follows them and the dumbest argument ever out the door. Admittedly, she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[dontcallmecarrie]

Old And New Faces

I mistakenly assumed Thanksgiving was supposed to the the peak time for Family Drama. Due to Reasons, here, have more of By Dawn’s Early Light, feat. Comic Book Amnesia [not sure if it actually fits with the main storyline, might be an AU of an AU]:

Behind his mask, Tony grinned and resisted the urge to rub his hands. 

Bruce was right there, and sure he’d asked JARVIS to keep tabs on the guy but it was still an incredible test of self-control to not break character and just saunter up to him and ask what he was up to these days. 

“Iron Man, don’t.” Uncle James muttered over his headset, as if they weren’t less than three feet from each other, but...right. Back to the subject, “it’s the endtimes, join our team, yadda yadda yadda” he’d tuned out about five minutes in.

Ugh. SHIELD was the worst at this schtick.  

.

James didn’t move only because between his time as the Winter Soldier, and even then it came pretty damn close when the agent’s voice took on an especially droning tone. 

Just— after the heart attack they’d gotten with that little recruitment pitch, he had expected these guys to run a tighter ship, honestly. 

Maybe he’d spent too much time around Tony and Maria. Maybe he was just desensitized to the type of efficiency that came part and parcel with the kid who regularly raided thrift stores’ electronic sections and cannibalized them for his robots, and the woman who could get her hands on international flight paths with only a few phone calls. 

Either way, James was distinctly unimpressed with the little show this agent was trying to put on. 

Okay, they’d been tapped because apparently SHIELD wanted them. Okay, the situation was looking pretty complicated, but what was the point these guys were trying to make? 

And this talk about a team— what even? 

If they’d done their research it should’ve been obvious that Iron Man and Renegade were independent contractors at best— and even that was a stretch. [None of these guys knew who they were referring to when they said Mission Control, which was a mistake he wanted to see carried out if only for the sheer entertainment value when Maria’d snap and raise hell. Again.] 

Oh, sure he recognized a few faces. 

Natasha Romanov [little girls and red hair, ballet music and the sound of bones breaking—] had been one hell of a surprise, but he could roll with it. It was a good thing Renegade had a reputation for silence, though: for some reason, he found himself mentally calling her Natalia. [Eh. Something to chew on later.] 

As it was, he wasn’t entirely sure the flicker of recognition in her eyes was faked or not— especially since he had yet to remove his mask and the new body armor Tony’d painstakingly made him. Either way, his guard was up.

Even more so because also at the table was Dr. Bruce Banner, who’d been working on something that Tony had been fascinated with— and that was before the Green Incident on campus. He could not afford to talk around him, because Bruce absolutely would recognize his voice and for all Tony liked him, the guy was a terrible actor. 

Other than that, though, James found himself distinctly unimpressed. 

This Clint guy who was rolling an honest-to-goodness arrow between his fingers? Sure he was a decent enough sniper, James could personally attest to that. Also a complete stranger otherwise and someone he wasn’t interested in teaming up with, next. 

Thor, the alien god. That goddamn hammer had blown their cover and the ensuing kerfuffle had gotten him captured by HYDRA and stuck in cryo. Yes, he had a grudge against a hammer, so what? Oh, and apparently aliens were a thing so now he’d undoubtedly have to drag Tony from plans to raid Area 51 and hack NASA on top of everything else. 

...and then Captain America walked in, and James felt his brain stutter for a moment before internal alarms started blaring “ABORT MISSION ABORT ABORT BAD IDEA” and a flood of memories he’d forgotten he even had rushed in.

. 

Tony didn’t know what triggered Uncle James’ silent freakout, but it didn’t matter. Heads would roll regardless— especially since he had a look in his eyes that Tony hadn’t seen in years. 

Right, okay. 

Fuck this.

“My sensors say we have a situation.” Tony announced to the room as he abruptly stood up, hauling his only ally in the room by the arm as he did so. 

“Wh—” Agent started, but Tony didn’t bother to hear him out. Or any of them, really. 

“Apologies, gotta go.” He lied baldly as he all but sprinted out the room of potential hostiles, Uncle James in tow.

He only stumbled a little, which was good. Tony was fully capable of carrying him out, but it wouldn’t do Renegade’s reputation any favors if photos of him being hauled around in a fireman’s [or princess, for that matter] carry started floating around. 

“How’re you feeling?” He asked quietly, and when he didn’t get a reply, continued making fast tracks to the landing dock using the emptiest corridors JARVIS could direct them through while trying to push down the feeling of unease that came with every minute of silence that followed. 

.

James snapped out of the fog with a sharp gasp and staggered against the nearest surface, pressing a hand against his mask as he struggled to get control over himself again. 

Geez. That was the worst episode he’d had in years, what the—

Oh.

“You okay?” Iron Man’s voice filter did a good job hiding Tony’s concern, but he knew him well enough to know it was there. “Breathe.”

Right, he had to do that. 

Shit, what the hell had happened? 

“You had an episode in the middle of that half-assed briefing thing that agent was trying to do.” Tony filled in helpfully, somehow reading the question off his face in a way Jame— Bucky— 

“I remembered.” He somehow managed to get out, in between ragged breaths as his lungs struggled to remember how to work. 

“Remembered? But I thought—”

“Yeah, I thought so too.” He barked out a laugh that wasn’t, as names and faces flitted in and out of focus in his mind’s eye, as if to mock him for ever having forgotten them. 

He’d forgotten them. HYDRA had wiped his memories and he’d— he’d—

[He’d had Brooklyn and dingy alleyways and Stevie, had a mom and a little sister, had a mangy alley cat that’d rubbed up against him when he came in late, had—]

He’d had a life before the Winter Soldier.

[He had a life now, decades after almost everyone else he’d known was dead. Becca would’ve liked Maria, would’ve cooed over Tony and— wait. Oh shit. Steve—]

.

“You okay?” Tony asked carefully as he watched Uncle James lapse into silence yet again, and he jolted.

“Yeah, I’m— I’ll be fine. Been better, but I...I remember now.”

“Do we need to leave?”

“Oh, no. That was...that was the worst of it.”

“You’re sure you’re okay.” Tony didn’t let himself sound dubious, but...the image of Uncle James in the middle of a full-blown flashback not ten minutes ago was hard to shake. 

“...yeah, I am.” Then, with a strange face, Uncle James continued. “You know what, though? One of those guys, he knew me. Knows, whatever.”

Tony blinked behind his mask. “Wait, what?”

“Think we can head back? I want to get to the bottom of this. Oh, and one more thing— call me Bucky?”

“You still okay with Renegade for...” 

“Oh, sure.” He waved Tony off, and his new ease is what finally had him relaxing. “But...just as a trial run thing. I think I went by that, before.”

“Bucky.” Tony rolled the name around in his mouth for a moment, and nodded. “Okay. You ready to head back then?”

“Yep.”

[queennicoleinboots]

Taco Mac with Colonel Mac, part 1

Colonel Mac and I were shopping at Kroger while we waited for Mr. Williamson and his wife, Jewel to join us. Joebear was playing League of Legends in the bear cave and swearing and growling at fellow players. Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing and his wife, Megara were arguing about the next meeting of the Secret American Society of Sexually Frustrated Goats. Michael the Great Arc Angel and Paul the Goat were filling tax documents and trying to help the common man. Meanwhile, Colonel Mac and I ran into the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man.

"Hey! Kool-Aid's here!" the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man said as he was jacking off in the middle of the floral section.

"That's apparent," Colonel Mac said. His Southern accent is extremely funny to listen to. I would love to hear him recite the Gettysburg Address or sing the National Anthem.

"I'M SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED!!!" he yelled as he burst through the wall to leave Kroger.

I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

A random Karen who was wearing a NK-95 mask was walking briskly through the store with her basket of organic goods and shouting, "What an ignorant asshole! He wasn't wearing a mask!"

Colonel Mac just stared at her and blinked before he rode away from her. He stared straight ahead as we went to produce. Then he spoke, "She forgot to mention that breaking through six feet wide of drywall WAS why the Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man was ignorant. Not to mention yelling that he was sexually-frustrated added to his level of ignorance."

Colonel Mac had a great voice. He was correct.

"He must be a Republican," I said as I was looking through half-rotted produce. Fresh produce has stopped existing since the early twenty-tens.

"That is the ONLY way in which he is not ignorant!" Colonel Mac said as he put his bear finger in the air. Colonel Mac was a diehard Republican. He hated Jim Carrey. The only movie he liked Jim Carrey in was Liar Liar. He hoped Jim Carrey went back to Canada because he couldn't stand how democratic he was.

"Ugh!!! I hate buying produce. Every time I buy it, it just needs up in the garbage!" I said loudly in frustration. I gave up and bought the four organic vine tomatoes that were already packaged.

"IN YOUR GARBAGE!" the Grinch who happened to look like the one in the Jim Carrey movie in 2000.

Colonel Mac rode up to him and asked, "Are you a Democrat?"

"Why yyyyyeeeessss I am! Why do you ask?" the Grinch asked.

"Because you sound a helllll of a lot like Jim Carrey!" Colonel Mac said.

"Why yes. I'm related to him!" the Grinch shouted.

Colonel Mac backed away and started to help me look for some decent spinach.

"I'M HIS UNCLE'S COUSIN'S SISTER'S MOTHER'S BROTHER'S FATHER'S NIECE'S AUNT'S GRANDFATHER'S GRANDMOTHER'S DAUGHTER'S SON'S FORMER BUNK MATE IN THE GULF WAR!!!!" he shouted. Every mother fucker in the produce section looked at him.

"What does that make you?!" another Karen shouted.

"ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!" he shouted before his laughter boomed throughout the store. Finally, something interesting happens in this place that doesn't involve fucking Peter Parker.

Peter Parker hates Kroger and going out during Covid-19. I'm convinced that he and his mother really are living underground and saying "Fuck the world." That's why I only see that asshole in the swamp every now and then.

"Ugh. More organic stuff. Are you a Karen?" Colonel Mac asked as he saw me put OrganicGirl Spinach in the cart.

"Yesssssssss! I am!" I hissed at him as I was trying to get out of the garden of rotted vegetables and fruits.

All of a sudden, Paul the Goat charged in the produce aisle and bleated loudly. "I can't take the government anymore! I can't take the conspiracy! And most of all, I will not stand for our poisoned food supply or KARENS!!!!" he shouted. "Hiyah!" He was quickly checking the produce and throwing the spongy, rotted fruit at the Karens in the store.

I hid my basket in a corner and started rolling on the floor laughing.

"NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL QUALITY CONTROL!" Colonel Mac yelled as he laughed and slapped his knee.

The Grinch yelled, "AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!!!!" He then hobbled after the Karens to terrorize them.

The Karens were running for their lives.

Mr. Williamson and Jewel literally walked in the store before the Karens rushed to the cashiers to pay for their groceries. "Okay, time to go, Jewel. Let's come back later when all of this craziness isn't going on," he spoke as they turned around.

The Grinch was making all kinds of barking noises as he hobbled around every aisle to terrorize customers. Paul the Goat was bleating and throwing rotted produce like it was going out of style.

The manager of Kroger came out and started laughing out of shock.

"You should work here instead, Paul! You're great at quality control. Besides, this is more like Robin Hood than doing tax work!" I shouted in the midst of belly laughter.

Paul the Goat bleated. "I should! It's much better than my actual job. And more fun! Fuck rotted produce. And fuck Karens!" he said excitedly with another bleat.

The manager stumbled over to Paul the Goat while laughing. "You're hired as the head produce manager! Apparently, the current produce manager is a Karen."

Sure enough, the fat produce manager walked out with her brown hair right near her chin and wore ugly glasses over her blue eyes. She was the biggest Karen I ever saw. I wanted to fucking beat her with my cart.

Paul the Goat bleated loudly and sounded like a trumpet before he threw rotten peaches, rotten bell peppers, and rotted bags of green beans at her.

Smeagull hobbled in the store and was eating the rotted fruit on the floor. The Grinch came over and started eating it as well before he yelled, "IN YOUR GARBAGE!!!!" again.

"You have to pay for that!!!" the store manager yelled.

"MY PRECIOUS!!!!!" Smeagull shouted as he threw the ring at the store manager while he continued to eat.

The store manager put the ring on his finger before he took it off and put it with his keys to the store. "Thank you, Smeagull. You now can eat all the rotten produce you want for life!" (Pays to be a swamp golem.)

The Grinch hobbled over to the store manager before asking, "Are you hiring?" He then smiled with crooked, half-rotted teeth. Come to think of it, he looked like a typical Georgia swamp creature.

"Yes! Yes, I am," the store manager said. "We need a stock person and entertainer. Georgia is too fucking boring."

"I'm your guy. Let me eat the rotten fruit and meat that would end up in your garbage, and that will be all the payment I require," the Grinch said as he tapped his fingers on both hands together.

"You're hired!" the store manager exclaimed. (See? There are jobs if you don't mind eating rotted, poisonous processed food for the rest of your short life. Well, the Grinch is immortal, buuuutttt nobody seems to give a fuck about that right now.)

"FUCK! I FORGOT THE ONIONS!!!" I shouted.

Paul the Goat threw a rotted one at me. "Here you go. Damn Karen," he said.

"Thank you but no thank you," I said as I threw it at another Karen. "I'll try again at Publix."

"Can we at least buy the taco shells, taco seasonings, and the salsa here? Publix is expensive," Colonel Mac said.

"Agreed," I said.

So Colonel Mac and I went to look for the items before Joebear called me. I answered, "BAE WHUHHH!!!!"

Joebear growled his trademark growl before he said, "OH MY GOD GET IN THERE! FUCKING PUSSIES!!! This fucking team. Get the fuck out of here, dude." He was swearing at League of Legends.

"Bae Whuhhh! You don't know what I've been through today. I'm trying to get the fuck out of here," I said and laughed.

"This would be an easy win if people would stop being retarded," Joebear said.

"Yes, BAEWHUHH. But people are retarded. Smeagull and the Grinch get to eat rotted fruits and vegetables for life," I said.

Colonel Mac snickered in the background as he put Ortega taco shells and McCormick taco seasoning in the cart. At least he grabbed the Simple Truth medium salsa.

"The fuck is wrong with them?" Joebear asked.

"I don't know, bae!" I said.

Colonel Mac almost went to the check out line before he yelled "FUCK I FORGOT THE MACARONI AND CHEESE!"

"Get Simple Truth or Annie's!" I shouted at Colonel Mac.

Joebear sighed softly.

"We're making Taco Mac, Bae Whuh," I said.

Joebear's stomach growled in response.

Colonel Mac grabbed five boxes of macaroni and cheese and put them in the cart. Then we sat our fat asses six feet apart from the other customers/Karens in the store. The Karens had rotten vegetable/fruit guts in their hair and on their clothes. Paul the Goat was still throwing rotten fruits and vegetables at Karens. Smeagull hobbled out of the store with a bag of rotten meat.

The Grinch was singing Christmas Carols in the middle of July.

"DID YOU SEE THAT?!" Joebear shouted. His stomach growled.

"Yes Bae Whuhh. It was ridiculous. Christmas in July!" I shouted.

"GET THIS FUCKING BITCH!!!!" Joebear shouted before sighing.

Apparently Paul the Goat heard Joebear from where he was and threw a rotted lime at a baby boomer Karen. He missed and hit another Karen.

"Can we get her?!" Joebear asked. He was bitching about Jinx in League of Legends. "The fuck out of here!"

Colonel Mac and I checked out and got the fuck out of there.

The Sexually-Frustrated Kool-Aid Man was fucking the Hawaiian Punch Man in the parking lot when Colonel Mac and I were on our way to Publix.

At least Joebear's team killed an inhibitor and grew some fucking balls. It is a rough game for no reason. Diana went a fucked-up build from what Joebear was telling me. It was like his team was trying to make it hard.

Speaking of hard times, Colonel Mac's van wouldn't crank up. So, I had to take all the groceries in my van and run the AC while we waited for AAA. What a nightmare.

"They're going to fuck around with our jungle. Darius always charges after me. It's like UGHHHH!!!!! We went damage! AH HA!!! No wonder we're losing! The fuck out of here, dude! The fuck out of here, dude! Fuck you! Fuck you! No, fuck you! Get em Y! Get em Y! Get a kill for once!!! We're losing because of Xin. If he would have gone tank, we would have been fine. Go! GOGOGOGOGOGO!!! It doesn't matter just go! Why are we stopping? Look at all this fucking bullshit!!!" Joebear said and sighed as Colonel Mac was contacting AAA.

All right, next game. Next chapter. Next story.

[thepartyresponsible]

after a somewhat prolonged absence (moving is a goddamn nightmare), here’s the second soundtrack fill! this one is for an anon who asked for jason todd + "why you gotta kick me when i'm down" by bring me the horizon.

so here’s what happens when superheroes/vigilantes are (vaguely) legitimized and organized into authorized teams, but jason still manages to ruin his life.

no real warnings for this one, except it’s not overly kind to bruce wayne.

Jason gets traded to SHIELD after he shoots the Penguin in the face. He’s probably supposed to be grateful that he gets traded at all. Unnecessary kills are frowned upon all over, and Bruce especially takes a pretty grim stance on them.

Hell, Bruce is so pissed about this kill that two of Jason’s molars are still sitting a little loose in his jaw when his plane touches down in D.C.

The media’s been brutal about it, especially in Gotham. It’s nothing new. They’ve hated Jason since he crawled out of Crime Alley. They hate Jason, and they hate the Outlaws, and they’ve been gleefully running grainy videos of Bruce backhanding Jason’s mask to pieces all Goddamn week.

There were reporters camped outside Titans Tower from the moment Roy Harper brought him in, and Dick, because he’s Dick, never sent them away.  

“It’s public property. They’ve got a right to be there,” he’d said, while he packed Jason’s mouth with gauze and cleaned up cuts and clucked over bruises. “They can’t get inside.”

And Roy would’ve chased them off, probably, except Roy got dragged into trade negotiations immediately and left before Jason even woke up the morning after Bruce kicked his ass.

Jason wasn’t part of any negotiations. Dick ran what interference he could, but half the country, including Bruce, wanted Jason in prison. In the end, SHIELD is better than he could have hoped for. It’s better than he deserves. He’s got no right to be angry about it, even if D.C. is not his city. Even if he worked damn hard, for years, to stay out of SHIELD and its reach.

But the collateral damage is pissing him off. Roy, pulled from the Titans, stepping in to run the Outlaws. Kate Bishop, loaned to the Titans to fill their archer slot. And Peter Parker, graduated early from SHIELD, sent to round out the West Coast Avengers.

Parker, who’d been angling for a spot on the Avengers. Who earned that spot. Who’s everybody’s Goddamn darling.

Jesus Christ, people barely tolerate Jason in Gotham. He’s not going to be able to set foot in New York for years.

When he steps off the plane, he expects to be met by agents. He’s not technically in anybody’s custody; he’s been traded, not incarcerated. But Dick and Wally escorted him to his gate, possibly to keep any riled-up civilians from spitting in his face, and he feels rootless and exposed, navigating the airport alone.

It’s fine. He’s not armed, but, in a place like this, he doesn’t need to be. There’s no threat here.

He nudges his teeth with his tongue, feels them give more than they should. The stitches dissolved two days ago, and the swelling’s mostly gone, but the bruises on his face have settled in to linger.

He gets a few wide-eyed stares, but it’s hard to tell if anyone actually recognizes him or if it’s just the bruising turning heads. Most people only associate Red Hood with the mask. He’s lucky that way. He’s been careful to keep his face out of the press.

SHIELD, of course, does all its work with its Aux agents bare-faced and uniformed, all their stats and headshots available for public perusal. So that’s probably the end of whatever anonymity Jason had managed to preserve.

Which is fine. He wouldn’t’ve had any anonymity in prison, either. So it’s not like he’s losing something he ever had a chance to keep.

He’s standing in baggage claim, waiting for the duffle bag of clothes Artemis brought over, when a man wearing a decent suit and a blandly pleasant expression approaches from his left. “Phil Coulson,” he says, hand extended. “From SHIELD.”

Phil Coulson is a name that sounds vaguely familiar, like something Dick said to him a couple dozen times while Jason was busy trying to pretend none of this was going to happen. Jason sizes him up and then reaches out, shakes his hand. “Hey. Jason Todd, from--” He cuts himself off, flounders.

Jason Todd, from the Outlaws.

But he isn’t. He built that team. He was the cornerstone of that team. The Outlaws have never existed without him. And now, for nothing, for a father that maybe at some point cared about him, he’s ruined the whole Goddamn thing.

“From SHIELD,” Phil supplies, patiently.

“Yeah,” Jason says. He turns away, grabs his bag. “From SHIELD.”

Phil gives him a long, evaluating look. His eyes linger on the bruising around Jason’s jawline, and Jason doesn’t fidget, doesn’t drop his eyes. After a tense, drawn-out moment, Phil nods. “Alright, Jason,” he says, “let’s go.”

  He doesn’t expect a warm welcome. He escaped SHIELD training by virtue of Bruce’s dogged resistance to oversight and the fact that, technically, Jason put on his first costume before the Auxiliary Justice Department was established. He was grandfathered in, had to register but never needed to be licensed, and, for the past seven years, he’s just been one of the many now-authorized vigilantes who refused any kind of PR-pleasing government training.

Now here he is, showing up at SHIELD’s doorstep like a puppy no one wanted. And he’s taking Parker’s place, which sure as hell isn’t going to endear him to anybody.

He’s heard about trades like this. People being traded into teams that don’t want them. It was never like that on the Outlaws, because the Outlaws were, technically, under Bruce’s watch, and Bruce’s theory on teamwork has always been less is more.  And it’s not like that on the Titans or the Teen Titans or any of the teams directly below the Justice League, either, because they’ve got enough draw to only get the best.

But some of the government teams. Some of the military teams. Not so often with the higher-ranking SHIELD teams, but everybody heard about the mess on Rumlow’s team a few years ago. Everyone knows what they were doing to Barnes before Rogers found out.

Hell, Xaiver’s school is full of former government recruits who dropped out and need to be reconditioned – whatever the hell that means – to civilian life.

“Regulations require that you stay on base through the weekend,” Coulson tells him.

“Sure,” Jason says. He’d been under the impression that he’d be staying on base through the rest of his natural life, so weekend, in comparison, sounds mercifully reasonable.

“Pending clearance from Medical, you’ll be moved into the team’s building on Monday.”

Jason stares out the window, watches the cars. “Medical?” he asks, because it seems like the least treacherous part of that sentence.

“I was told,” Coulson says, with a sudden sharp edge to all that quiet patience, “that you were cleared for fieldwork.”

Jason’s tongue goes to his teeth, works at the swollen line of his gums. “Jesus,” he says, “it’s just cosmetic. And I probably shouldn’t blow anyone for a week, so maybe swap someone else in for the time-sensitive dick-sucking jobs.”

The look Coulson gives him is dangerously, infinitely bland, and Jason’s heart double-skips in his chest as it occurs to him that maybe that kind of shit is supposed to be on the table now. What the hell would he know? He’s worked with Bruce his whole career.

Jason, for the record, would happily take a mask-shattering, teeth-loosening backhand over being sent out to suck some scummy government dick. Jesus, he’d take the hit every day of his life.

“Is that a common work requirement in Gotham?” Coulson’s tone is light and even, professionally curious.

“It absolutely is not,” Jason says.

“That’s good,” Phil says, as he expertly navigates a u-turn through four separate lanes of traffic with all the nonchalance of someone turning right on red. “So you’ll have Medical, and then sexual harassment training, and then you can move into the team building on Monday.”

“Jesus Christ,” Jason says, forehead thunking into glass hard enough to make his bruised temple ache. “You fucking Feds.”

  They don’t go to the SHIELD base. They go to a small Italian restaurant in a strip mall. “We’re a little behind schedule,” Coulson says, as he unbuckles his seatbelt. “They already have a table. Let’s go.”

Jason follows because he’s got no right to stay behind. He keeps his mouth shut because he’s got no reason to need more information. He’s not running anything; he’s nobody’s captain. He traded all of that for a bullet in the Penguin’s head, and maybe it was worth it, maybe it wasn’t, but it’s already done.

Coulson gives him another look as Jason falls in step beside and a little behind him. It’s a thoughtful, calculating look, eyes unreadable, mouth a flat line. It’s the kind of look Bruce used to give him, before he gave up and kicked Jason out of the cave. It’s the way someone looks at an investment they’re starting to reconsider.

Well, it’s not Jason’s fucking fault if SHIELD made a bad trade. The whole world was running headlines saying the best thing to do with him was lock him up in isolation, keep him confined for the next ten, fifteen years. It’s not like SHIELD wasn’t warned what a shitshow Jason is.

As they step into the restaurant, make their way toward the back, Jason wonders if SHIELD did this as a favor to the Titans and Outlaws or as a way to get some kind of leverage on Bruce. He hopes they had the sense to angle for a favorable relationship with the Titans. If they think Bruce Wayne is going to give a damn what SHIELD does to him now, Jason has two loose teeth, three bruised ribs, and an impressive array of week-old bruises that would argue to the contrary.

“Here,” Coulson says and nods towards a table with two occupants.

Jason knows, in a glance, that it’s Hawkeye and the Widow.

They’re both watching him. Barton’s subtler about it. He’s got a sort of hapless, heedless air about him that makes his awareness seem accidental. It’s hard to take him seriously with that line of butterfly bandages above his eyebrow, the half-healed scab over his badly split lip. He reminds Jason of Roy, a little, and Jason almost smiles at him, because it’s good to see anything that looks like home.

And Romanoff could be Artemis, with the catlike stare she levels his way. Not aggressive, necessarily, but patient, intent. Assessing. Her body language lacks the casual, lived-in ease of Barton’s mannerisms. But that could be because she’s sipping elegantly from a glass of red wine while Barton is wrestling a plate of spaghetti into submission with a fork held awkwardly between bandage-wrapped fingers.

“Clint, Natasha,” Coulson says, as he slides into one of the open seats across from them. “This is Jason Todd.”

“Hey,” Clint says, around a mouthful of spaghetti. “I ate your breadsticks.”

“And he’s very sorry,” Natasha adds. “And he’s buying you more.”

Jason stares at them. And then he stares at Coulson. And then, because he’s got fuck-all else to do, he settles into the seat across from Clint and narrows his eyes. “You’d fucking better,” he says.

Sometimes, when he can’t find the fight he knows he’s losing, he starts a new one. It saves time.

But Clint just grimaces, looking good-natured and abashed. “Sorry. Got hungry.”

Jason furrows his brow, keeps staring. Clint blinks and shrugs, ducks his head so he can funnel more spaghetti into his mouth, and Jason wonders if he’s actually supposed to think that Clint Barton – Hawkeye, World’s Greatest Marksman, Avenger – is as friendly and harmless as your average Golden Retriever.

“Let’s see you,” Natasha says, leaning forward, and Jason goes completely still as the Black Widow’s fingers curl around his chin.

Jesus Christ, he thinks. Jesus Christ.

The Avengers are the reason their work was ever legitimized. The Avengers are the reason the Accords were reworked toward mercy. Without the Avengers, there would’ve been a war, and Jason knows exactly how that would’ve ended up for groups like the Outlaws, who were always a special target, even back when all vigilantes were criminals.

The Widow’s fingers are cold against his skin. She lifts his face toward the light, runs her thumb so lightly over the bruising along his jaw that he barely feels it.

“Get fussy with the flight attendants?” Clint asks. “I got locked in the lavatory once.”

And he is like Roy, because, when Jason glances over, he’s got a big dopey smile on his face and a look in his eyes like someone, somewhere, is going to lose blood over this.

“You guys don’t watch TV?” Jason should pull away from the Widow. Her fingers are still on his face, and he has to speak soft and careful to keep from dislodging her. It’s making him sound young and unsure, almost shy. “Batman doesn’t keep killers on his teams.”

“If you’d been a shade less study,” Natasha says, tone strangely controlled, nearly singsong, “Bruce Wayne would be a killer.”

Jason blinks. He remembers the hit that shattered his mask, the starlight sickness of heat-pressure-pain that broke his brain to pieces, left him too Goddamn dizzy to remember to get his hands up to block the next punch.

He remembers, also, the hot splatter of his own blood when Bruce opened his fucking throat with a batarang years ago.

“Bruce, you know.” He tips his head out of the Widow’s grasp and steals her wine, just to give his hands something to do. “Sometimes, when people don’t listen, he gets loud about things.”

“Sometimes,” Clint says, lifting the wine right out of Jason’s hand, “when I don’t listen, Coulson pulls me from the field, makes me go to therapy.”

“Wow,” Jason says, “I think I’ll take the punch to the face.”

Clint grins at him. His grin is sharp enough to cut someone. Beside him, Natasha mirrors it. “Yeah,” he says. “Devil you know, huh?”

“Okay,” Jason says, because this whole week has been a stretch of nightmare after nightmare, waking up to realize it’s getting worse every time he opens his eyes. He was ready for a bleak SHIELD room that locked from the outside. He was ready for revenge. He was ready to be made into a point, a cautionary tale for all the other Auxers who refused licensing. “What the fuck is this? Why am I at dinner with two Avengers? The fuck is going on?”

Natasha swipes her wine out of Clint’s unresisting fingers, brings the nearly-empty glass up to her mouth. “Coulson believes in team bonding rituals,” she says.

“I’m not on your team,” Jason says. He’s not. He’s here because nobody wanted him. He’s here because SHIELD was better than prison. He’s here because he fucks up every single thing he touches.

“Well,” Clint says, “not until I get you those breadsticks.”

Jason gives up on the pair of them and turns to stare at Agent Coulson, who’s been casually perusing the menu throughout the entire conversation. “What,” Jason says, as clearly as he can, “the fuck.”

Phil Coulson smiles at him, calm and unconcerned and vaguely benign. He looks like someone who’s used to dealing with people like Jason, which is a hell of a change from the way Bruce always looks at him. For years now, Bruce has been staring at Jason like he’s got no idea what species he is.

“Jason,” he says, “what do you know about Strike Team Delta?”

[leisurelypanda]

Imma need a Steve and Bucky with lots of Daddy/Authority Kink intertwined with some Praise Kink. I’m particular to a Daddy Steve but you pick. I’ll give you my soul if there’s some good/little/baby boys thrown into dialogue. Orgasm delay. Hands held behind the bottoms back. Hair pulling. Snarling in ears. Flilthy dirty flighty! I’m an absolute whore for this idea. I don’t care how many I read, I always want another one.

Wow, I had a shit ton of fun writing this, you have no idea. I am also a slut for this kind of idea. I loved writing this and I hope you enjoy!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18345014

Steve stepped off the quinjet and walked out over the landing deck into the Avengers Tower. The mission today was long and a bit brutal, but he was alive and mostly unharmed and there were minimal casualties, so he counted it as a win. Now, with adrenaline tapering off, he became aware of just how sore and sweaty and gross he felt. The prospect of taking a bath seemed practically heavenly.

“Leaving so soon, Cap?” Tony called after him. Steve stopped and let his friend catch up with him before walking into the building together. “You coming to the party later?”

Steve frowned. “What party?” he asked.

“There’s a small get together happening later,” Tony replied. “You know, a celebration of the 10 year anniversary since the team got together. I sent you emails! Well, I didn’t.”

Steve blinked and quickly did the math in his head as they entered the elevator. Sure enough, it was the 10 year anniversary of the Chitauri invasion and the Avengers officially became a team with a mission to keep the world safe. It hadn’t always been easy, but it Steve was satisfied with it.

“Yeah, I forgot, honestly,” Steve said. “I’ll be there. What time is it?”

“Party starts at 9, so you have a few hours to get ready,” Tony said. “Let me know if you need anything.”

Steve hesitated. “Do I need to wear a suit?”

“Nah, it’s totally casual,” Tony said. “You mind if I give you some advice, though?”

Steve sighed. “Sure, Tony.”

“See if you can find someone,” Tony said. “You’ve been single for a long time. Doesn’t matter if it’s just for a romp in the hay or if it’s more or if you want them to tie you up and spank you—”

Steve blushed at that. The fact that he desperately wanted to spank someone, to shove them to their knees and make them submit until the only thing they could say was Steve’s name, was none of Tony’s business.

“—point is, you need to get out there,” Tony finished. “You deserve to find someone who makes you happy.”

Steve cleared his throat and nodded. “Thanks, Tony,” he said. “I’ll give it a shot, I promise.”

Tony clapped him on the back as the elevator stopped. “Good man. Speaking of significant others, my stop is here,” Tony said with a grin as he sauntered out of the elevator. “See you tonight!”

Surprisingly enough, Tony’s party actually turned out to be a small get together, by his standards. The highest public floor of the Tower milled with guests, but thankfully, there were no politicians or generals or diplomats present. It allowed Steve to relax and actually enjoy the party for once. He was dressed in a black button down with dark blue jeans and a silver tie. The sleeves were rolled up, exposing his forearms and he nursed a bottle of beer as he made his way around the room.

Some people were celebrities. There were actors and musicians and sports figures and a few artists. Steve was courteous to all of them. There were also some scientists that Steve had never heard of, but those mostly congregated around Tony and Bruce. Most were friendly, but Steve couldn’t really form a connection with any of them.

Eventually, he spotted someone he didn’t recognize from any tv he’d consumed in the last 10 years. He was a young man with a short, neat beard and long hair done up in a neat ponytail. He was slim, but fit and he looked a little lost amidst the see of stardom and fame that was Tony’s “get together.”

“Hi,” he said.

The man turned towards him and his eyes widened as he recognized who Steve was. Up close, he was pretty. No, pretty didn’t do him justice. This man was gorgeous. His icy blue eyes were piercing and bright, his hands were beautiful and big, with long, slender fingers, his mouth was a perfect cupid’s bow, and he was shorter than Steve by a few inches.

“H-Hello, Captain, I mean, Steve, I mean… sir,” Bucky said with a bit of a clumsy salute. Steve chuckled and debated briefly letting him go on before he decided to put the poor kid out of his misery.

“It’s okay, Steve is fine, really,” Steve replied. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to ambush you, you just looked a bit… overwhelmed.”

The man relaxed marginally and Steve extended a hand. He took it. “Bucky Barnes.”

“Nice to meet you Bucky,” Steve said with a friendly smile. “Pardon me for saying so, but you seem a little out of place for the rest of the crowd.”

“Oh, yeah, I guess it feels like that, too,” Bucky said. “I think I saw Beyoncé talking to Thor and I panicked a bit.”

“Not what you were expecting, either?” Steve asked with a sympathetic smile.

“Not at all,” Bucky said. “I was informed that this was going to be a company party.”

Steve studied him for a moment. “You work for Tony?”

“Yeah, I mean, way, way down the food chain, but yeah,” Bucky replied. “I’m just an intern.”

Steve smiled in real, genuine interest. “Really? You’re in college?”

Bucky shook his head. “I graduated last year, but I managed to land this internship here and it’s been pretty amazing so far.”

“I’ve heard they don’t get paid,” Steve said cautiously. “We didn’t have interns in the 40s, and I’ve never had to be one for obvious reasons.”

“Most don’t,” Bucky confirmed. “Stark is actually decent enough to pay us. I’m making a decent living so far.”

“But you’re still an intern,” Steve said.

“Well, the position is sort of like a trial period,” Bucky explained. “They hire some bright young graduates straight out of college and see if they can handle the job for a year. If they can, the company might hire them on permanently.”

“Sounds nice,” Steve said. “How long have you had the job?”

“6 months,” Bucky replied. “Never expected the interns to get invited to a fancy party.”

“If it’s a fancy party, I’m underdressed,” Steve said with a chuckle. He took a swig of his beer. He felt Bucky’s gaze run over his body, lingering on his arms and ass. He held back a grin and shifted slightly to show off a bit. As he hoped, Bucky stared at him. Well, Tony did say to try and find someone…, Steve thought.

“You look great to me, sir,” Bucky said. A blush forms on Bucky’s cheeks and Steve thinks that this kid might kill him with how cute he is.

“You look cute tonight, too, doll,” he said with a grin. Bucky’s entire face turns red. He moves to hide his face in his drink only to find it empty. Steve reaches over and very deliberately and lightly brushes their fingers together as he takes the empty glass from Bucky’s hand. “Let me get you another drink, doll.”

He watches Bucky’s Adam’s apple bob as he nods. Steve smiles to himself and guides Bucky to the bar with a hand at the small of his back. Bucky followed willingly. The bartender glanced between the two of them, but made no comment. In all honesty, Steve wouldn’t be surprised if they were told to sign a confidentiality agreement just for being here.

“What’ll ya have, doll?” Steve asked.

“I know why you’re doing this,” Bucky said. “You’re trying to embarrass me.”

Steve just chuckled again and leaned in. “Not my fault you’re so pretty tonight,” he purred in Bucky’s ear.

“Fuck,” Bucky murmured. Steve hummed in response but pulled back. Bucky followed him a bit and Steve smiled.

“So what’ll it be?” Steve asked. Bucky cleared his throat.

“Vodka,” he said. The bartender nodded and poured him a shot, which Bucky knocked back. Steve was impressed, even though alcohol didn’t do anything for him anymore. The music began to pick up and Steve leaned in again.

“What do you say we get out of here?” he asked. Bucky pulled back a bit.

“Look, you’re a great guy, but I really don’t put out just after I’ve met someone,” Bucky said. “So if that’s what you’re after, I gotta say I’m not interested.”

Steve blinked. “No, sorry, that’s not what I meant,” he said.

“What did you mean, then?” Bucky asked.

“Just…” Steve ducked his head and blushed a bit. “You seem like an interesting guy. And… you’re normal, not like the rest of the people here. I just wanted to get to know you better.”

Bucky regarded him for a moment before he turned back to the bartender. “Can I have some water, please?”

The bartender handed him a glass and Bucky downed it. Then he turned back to Steve and smiled shyly. Steve saw his dimples and immediately wanted to kiss the boy stupid.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Bucky asked.

“With this party going on?” Steve asked. “The press will be swarming the place.”

Bucky frowned. “Shit, didn’t think about that.”

“We can take go up to the common room,” Steve said. “But whatever you want to do, I promise I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

Bucky didn’t say anything for a moment before he nodded. Steve took his hand and led him to the elevator to go up to the common room. He sighed with relief as he stepped inside and the loud sounds from the party died a bit. By the time they arrived at the common room, it was blessedly silent.

“So,” Bucky said. “What do you want to know?”

They talked well into the night. Steve found that when Bucky was comfortable, he was funny, charming, adorably nerdy, and quick to smile and laugh. They talked about what Bucky was studying and Steve listened with genuine interest as Bucky talked about robotics and engineering and all sorts of things he didn’t understand. He loved the way Bucky’s eyes lit up when he talked about the things he was interested in.

Steve said how disappointed he was that the Stark Expo’s promise in 1941 for “flying cars of the future” still weren’t invented. Bucky teased him a bit, then looked mortified that he’d done so before Steve laughed a full-bodied laugh. It was so strange to miss being teased, but he did.

They talked about politics and Steve was surprised and relieved to find out that Bucky wasn’t just a liberal, but a progressive. It led to a long mutual rant about how politics should be to better society instead of the rich assholes running it. It was nice to talk candidly about it with someone who agreed with him.

Bucky even asked about Peggy, something that Steve appreciated. People tiptoed around her like his feelings for her were made of porcelain. Steve didn’t talk about her as she was near the end of her life, though. He talked about the woman he remembered, the smart, witty, powerful woman who was a force to be reckoned with and an enemy to be feared.

“Honestly,” he said at one point. “She could’ve been Captain America in a different time. She would’ve been amazing at it.”

Bucky reached out a hand and laid it gently over Steve’s. “I don’t know how much you hear this, what with the media dragging you through the mud at every opportunity,” he said. “But I and a lot of others think that you’re amazing as Captain America, for what it’s worth.”

Steve smiled at that and glanced at the time. “Jesus, Buck, it’s after 4!” he said. “Didn’t mean to keep you up so late.”

“Steve, it’s fine, it’s a party,” Bucky laughed. “I was honestly planning an escape route before you showed up. I’m glad you did.”

Steve smiled. “Still, I can grab a car and take you home,” he offered. “Or… you can stay in my guest room?”

Bucky smiled slowly. “Can I borrow some sweatpants?” he asked. “Do superheroes wear sweatpants?”

Steve rolled his eyes as he stood. “Yeah, Buck, you can borrow some sweatpants.”

Bucky just leaned back on the couch and stretched. Steve’s eyes fell to the sliver of skin just above Bucky’s hips that showed as he did so because, super soldier or no, he was only so strong. Bucky’s lithe body was pure temptation and Steve wanted to sin.

“I’m too tired to move,” Bucky complained, grinning mischievously. “You’ll have to carry me.”

Steve bent down and picked him up bridal style and carried him easily to the elevator. Bucky yelped in surprise, as though he actually thought that Steve wouldn’t rise to that kind of challenge, simple as it was.

“JARVIS, my floor, please,” he said.

“Certainly, sir.”

“Oh. My. God,” Bucky hissed with excitement. “I’m meeting Tony’s AI!”

“You work here,” Steve said.

“Yeah, but I don’t get to tell him what to do!” Bucky said. “I don’t have that kind of clearance.”

“You’re really more excited to meet a computer voice than anyone else in that party,” Steve drawled.

“Because it’s the AI, duh,” Bucky replied. That nerdy light was back in Bucky’s eyes and Steve couldn’t bring himself to say anything else.

When the elevator opened, Steve carried Bucky directly to the guest bedroom. He made the bed quickly and efficiently, laying down soft sheets and blankets and fluffy pillows. Then he got Bucky a pair of sweatpants and a spare toothbrush and resolutely did not think of Bucky wearing his clothes. He handed them to Bucky.

“Need anything else, or are you set for tonight?” he asked. Bucky bit his lip and smiled as he took a tiny step forward.

“You could… kiss me goodnight,” he suggested. It was all Steve needed. He took Bucky’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together. Bucky tasted like the vodka he’d been drinking and something sweet that Steve couldn’t place. He nipped at Bucky’s lower lip that had been taunting him all night and pushed his tongue inside that gorgeous mouth of his. Bucky bent beneath him and moaned into the kiss, lifting his arms to wrap around Steve’s neck as he yielded so perfectly.

Steve pulled back and the two of them gasped for breath. Steve grinned at the way Bucky’s pupils were dilated.

“Daddy,” Bucky breathed. Then he snapped his mouth shut as his eyes widened. “I’m so sor—”

Steve shut him up with another kiss before he could finish. He had to restrain himself, because all he wanted to do was throw Bucky onto the bed and ravage him, but he promised he wouldn’t. He pulled back and placed a finger over Bucky’s lips.

“We can talk about that in the morning,” he said lowly. “For now… be a good boy and go to bed.”

Bucky nodded, a bit dazed and Steve kissed him one last time before he closed the door.

Bucky hardly slept that night. Honestly, where did Steve get off being so damn hot? Steve wasn’t his first kiss or anything, but damn that was the hottest kiss Bucky had ever had in his life. And on top of all that, he’d gotten so caught up in his personal fantasy coming to life that’s he’d actually called Captain Fucking America, Daddy.

He adamantly did not think about how Steve had responded to that.

He eventually did wake up to the smell of bacon frying and his stupid stomach growled loudly. He rolled out of bed groggily and freshened up a bit in the bathroom because he wasn’t completely barbaric. When he walked out he heard Steve whistling by the stove like he had just walked out of a 1950s musical. He was wearing a grey t-shirt that looked like it was a second skin and a pair of black athletic shorts that still somehow did nothing to hide Steve’s unfairly magnificent ass.

Steve turned around and Bucky blushed and smiled as Steve winked at him. He waved Bucky over and Bucky walked over, unable to resist the smell of bacon.

“You said we had something to talk about?” Bucky asked.

“Yeah,” Steve said. His beard looked neat and freshly trimmed and Bucky immediately thought about how it had felt against his face last night. He almost wanted to shave just so he would be able to feel it more easily. “How do you like your bacon? Chewy or crispy?”

“Chewy, but that’s not what I meant,” Bucky said.

“What about your eggs?” Steve asked. “I like over easy, personally.”

“Over medium,” Bucky answered. “Are you listening to me?”

“Yeah, you wanna talk about me being your Daddy,” Steve said with a sly grin. “I got toast, bagels, and English muffins. Got a preference?”

“Asshole,” Bucky muttered.

“Rimming is not part of a balanced breakfast, baby boy,” Steve said.

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky groaned. Steve just laughed at him and Bucky grumbled as he snatched up the bag of bagels. “Bagels. Also, you’re not funny.”

Steve ignored him and kept laughing. Then he turned back to Bucky and bent down to kiss him. It was nothing like last night. It was light and chaste. It still made Bucky’s heart skip a beat, though.

“After breakfast, I promise,” Steve said. “Be a good boy and toast some bagels. Three for me.”

“Three?” Bucky asked.

“The serum makes my metabolism burn faster,” Steve explained. “Need more food than most others.”

“Huh, interesting,” Bucky replied.

The two of them fell into an easy dynamic, with Steve dishing out instructions and Bucky following them. It was interesting, seeing the side of Steve that knew what had to be done and had a plan. Breakfast turned out to be healthy and hearty and Bucky was pleasantly full by the end of it.

“So,” Steve said, leaning back. “How do you want this to go?”

“To be honest, I have no idea,” Bucky replied. “I mean, you’re hot, you’re funny, and honestly, I just like you. I don’t really know what else to say about… all this.”

“Would it help to say how I want this to go?” Steve asked. Bucky nodded immediately. Steve regarded him for a moment before he stood up and took Bucky’s hand. Bucky followed him to the living room, where Steve sat down and pulled Bucky down into his lap. Bucky blushed. It felt silly, but Steve seemed so sure, so confident that this was exactly how he wanted Bucky, that Bucky held his tongue.

“Here’s what I want,” Steve said. “I want you to be my baby boy, to let me take care of you, Dom you, and use you.” Bucky shivered against him and Steve’s slow, sexy smile grew. “You like the sound of that?”

“Yes,” Bucky said. Steve took his chin in his hand firmly.

“I want you to call me ‘Daddy’,” Steve said. There was a pregnant pause before Bucky swallowed.

“Yes, Daddy,” he said. Steve smiled with approval and let go of his chin.

“Good boy,” he murmured. Bucky’s heart danced a little jig at the words like a little traitor. “You don’t have to live here if you don’t want to, but I would like you to have sex with me if you’re willing.”

“You kiddin’?” Bucky asked, albeit a bit breathlessly. “I…I really want that, Daddy.”

Steve’s eyes darkened and his hand tightened on Bucky’s thigh. It travelled up towards the groin a bit before dipping between and stroking along the inside. His other hand trailed along Bucky’s spine, sending little sparks through his body like he was the 4th of July. Bucky gasped and moaned softly.

“Good boy,” Steve said. “How do you feel about pain?”

“Plannin’ to spank me, Daddy?” Bucky gasped.

“If you deserve it,” Steve replied. Then he shrugged. “Or if I feel like it. I’ll let you know which.”

“I’m really okay with it,” Bucky said.

“What about names?” Steve asked. “You seem to like being called baby boy. What about more… humiliating names?”

“What like bitch?” Bucky asked.

“I was thinking more like, ‘slut’,” Steve replied. Somehow the way that word sounded with Steve’s voice just sounded deliciously hot. Bucky nodded and Steve hummed lowly in his chest.

“Please, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. The word came easier now, but didn’t fully get rid of the quiver in his body as it left his mouth.

“Just one more question, baby boy,” Steve said. “You’re doin’ so good. How much experience do you have with this?”

Bucky blushed and swallowed. He looked down. “A bit,” he said.

“How much is a bit?” Steve asked.

“…None,” Bucky said. “Never got this far with anyone else.”

Steve was silent for a while. Bucky dared to look up and there was a dark, hungry gleam in Steve’s eyes. The hand on Bucky’s thigh moved up to brush lightly against Bucky’s crotch. Bucky gasped and moaned as his cock responded immediately. Steve hummed and it sent a shiver up Bucky’s spine.

“Waited for Daddy, did you, baby boy?” Steve murmured. “Saved yourself for me?”

Bucky’s brain short circuited. “Yes, Daddy,” he moaned.

“Such a good boy,” Steve moaned softly. “So considerate, knowing Daddy wanted to be your first.”

Before Bucky could respond, Steve stood up, carrying him bridal style just like last night. Bucky clung to him as Steve marched back to what Bucky assumed was Steve’s room. Steve kicked the door open like a caveman and set Bucky on his feet. Bucky kept his arms around Steve’s neck and had all of a second before Steve kissed him again. Steve kissed him like a starving man and Bucky was a buffet.

“Daddy,” Bucky moaned. Steve growled against him and reached a hand up to Bucky’s hair and pulled it, exposing Bucky’s neck.

“Baby boy,” Steve growled. “You wanna be a good boy for Daddy?”

“Yes, Daddy.” Steve pulled his hair a little more and Bucky hissed with the sting.

“Wanna make Daddy happy?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

“You want Daddy to make you his?”

“Yes, Daddy!”

“Good boy,” Steve said. “Listen now. Green means good to go. Yellow means slow down. Red means stop. If you can’t speak, tap three times. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

Steve smiled hungrily and placed a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “Good boy.” The next thing Bucky knew, he was being pushed down to his knees, powerless to resist. He knelt in front of Steve. The outline of Steve’s huge cock tented the shorts and Bucky’s mouth watered. Steve pushed his shorts down and his cock sprang free; long, thick, and uncut. He slapped Bucky’s face with it, leaving a stream of pre-come on his face.

“Why don’t you open your mouth, baby boy?” Steve asked. Bucky obeyed and Steve pushed his cock in. Bucky moaned as the salty, bitter taste of his pre-come hit his tongue. Steve held his head in place and thrust shallowly into his mouth. He moaned lowly. “Oh, doin’ so good, baby. Such a good little cocksucker.”

Bucky moaned around the heavy weight of Steve’s cock. He breathed in the heady scent of Steve’s groin and steadied himself against Steve’s thighs. Wonder if he’ll crush my head with them, Bucky thought.

Steve’s hands fisted in his hair as he fucked into Bucky’s waiting mouth. Slowly, he started to thrust deeper into Bucky’s mouth until he gagged on Steve’s cock. He tapped Steve’s leg and Steve pulled out. He breathed and Steve looked down at him with a smile. He stroked Bucky’s face with a thumb.

“Good boy,” he said. “Such a good boy for Daddy. What’s your color?”

Bucky preened at the words. “Fuckin’ green, Daddy,” he moaned and went down on Steve’s cock again. He bobbed on the head, twisting his tongue around the head experimentally. Steve moaned loudly and bucked into Bucky’s mouth.

“Fuck, baby boy, you’re a natural,” he groaned. “Born to be Daddy’s cocksucker, weren’t you?”

Bucky moaned around Steve’s length and sped up. He wrapped a hand around the base and jerked it in tandem with his mouth. Steve stared down at him, his blue eyes dark with arousal and his callused fingers stroking Bucky’s face. Bucky came off Steve’s cock and licked up the underside before taking it back in his mouth. Steve started thrusting into his mouth again.

“God, so good,” Steve moaned. “Just relax for Daddy. Let Daddy fuck your mouth like a good little boy.”

Bucky moaned and Steve began thrusting faster and further into his mouth. Bucky kept himself from gagging and stared up at Steve, utterly incapable of looking anywhere but Steve’s face. Steve had a wicked grin on his face. He looked at Bucky like he was the only thing that mattered on earth and fuck if that didn’t do shit to Bucky’s brain.

“Gonna make you take all my cock someday, baby,” Steve moaned. “Gonna make you choke on Daddy’s big dick, make you come like that.”

Bucky moaned and reached down to touch himself. Steve caught the movement and pulled out. He wrapped a hand around Bucky’s throat with a stern look.

“You don’t touch yourself, slut,” Steve growled. “I touch you. I make you come. You beg for it until I make you come, got it?”

His grip on Bucky’s throat tightened and Bucky whined. “Yes, Daddy,” he gasped. Steve kissed him hard and full of hunger before letting go.

“Good boy,” he said with a smirk. “Color?”

“Green,” Bucky breathed. “So green.”

“Excellent,” Steve groaned.

He put his cock at Bucky’s mouth again and pushed back in. Bucky gagged on it as it went back towards his throat, but he made himself keep his mouth open. Steve placed both hands on his head, fisting them in Bucky’s hair as he fucked his mouth. All Bucky could do was kneel and take every hot inch that Steve gave him.

Steve began to grunt like an animal. His thrusts grew faster and harder and more desperate. Bucky moaned as Steve used his mouth to chase his orgasm. Steve kept his eyes on Bucky’s face as he snapped his hips to the sweaty rhythm of his animalistic grunting. Finally, he pulled out all the way and jerked his cock. One hand remained in Bucky’s hair, pulling it back and angling his face towards Steve’s cock.

“Gonna come on your face, baby boy,” Steve groaned. “Daddy’s gonna dirty you up, like a good little slut.”

“Please, please, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Do it, green. Been good, a good boy for you, Daddy. Please give me your come.”

Steve snarled and groaned. His come erupted out of his cock in long, thick, hot ropes, painting Bucky’s face. Bucky closed his eyes letting it mark him, relishing in the feeling of it landing on his mouth, his nose, his cheeks, his hair, and his eyes. When Steve pressed the head of his cock to Bucky’s mouth again, he suckled the last of the come from it like it was ambrosia.

“Look at you,” Steve groaned. Bucky opened his eyes. “Daddy’s little boy covered in come. You know what this means, baby?”

“What, Daddy?” Bucky said. He gazed up at him with worshipful awe, Steve’s perfect, hard body looming over him, a monument to every desire and fantasy Bucky had ever had in his life. He was the image of sex and power. His cock hadn’t even softened at all.

I could stay like this forever, Bucky thought. On my knees for him, give him everything he takes from me and more.

Steve stroked a finger through the come on Bucky’s face and put it in Bucky’s mouth. Bucky sucked the finger obediently, licking every drop of the strong, bitter come.

“You’re mine,” Steve snarled. “You’re Daddy’s little boy, now.”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky said with a small smile. “Thank you, Daddy.”

“Color?”

“Green.”

“I’m gonna wreck you, baby boy,” Steve said with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “Gonna pop your cherry so good you never want anyone else.”

Bucky was already about 90% sure that he never wanted to get fucked by anyone else but Steve, but the words still made him feel hot. He moaned softly when Steve put another come-covered finger in his mouth.

“You like that, baby boy?” Steve asked. “You wanna belong to Daddy and nobody else?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky breathed. “Please, want it, want you, Daddy.”

“I know, baby,” Steve purred. He pulled Bucky up to his feet like he weighed nothing and kissed him. It was full of possessive desire and Bucky yielded to him immediately. His body sang with need as Steve carried him to the bed. Bucky stretched out on the huge bed.

“Half expected you to bend me over the couch,” Bucky chuckled. Steve smiled with amusement.

“Later, baby,” Steve said.

“Fuck,” Bucky breathed. “I need to be able to walk, you know.”

“Says who?” Steve replied with a grin. He draped himself over Bucky’s body and growled in his ear. “I’m your Daddy now. I decide what you need.”

God. Fucking. Damn. All Bucky could do was nod obediently. Steve flipped him over and pinned his wrists to his back. Bucky gasped and trembled beneath him with anticipation. He felt Steve’s hot breath ghost over the curve of his ass.

“What happened to ‘rimming is not a part of a balanced breakfast’?” Bucky asked

“It’s not,” Steve agreed. “But it’s second breakfast, now.”

With that, Steve buried his face between Bucky’s ass cheeks and began to lick, suck, and nip along Bucky’s ass. Bucky moaned and writhed beneath him at the feeling. Steve’s beard scratched in a way he never expected, burning his sensitive skin deliciously. The thought that Steve marked him somewhere so intimate drove Bucky up the wall with arousal and if not for Steve’s command to come only when permitted, he might’ve shot his load right there.

Steve’s mouth was pure, blissful sin. He hadn’t even put his tongue in him yet, but Bucky hadn’t ever felt anything this amazing in his life. His hot, wet tongue lapped at his hole. His breath kissed his skin as he ate Bucky’s ass like it was a holy sacrament. Bucky pushed back against Steve’s face. He felt his climax building in the pit of his stomach.

“Daddy, Daddy, please, I’m close,” Bucky moaned. “Please let me come.”

“You gonna come on my mouth, baby?” Steve groaned. His grip on Bucky’s hands tightened like vices. “You gonna come from your Daddy eating your cute fuckin’ ass?”

“Uh-huh,” Bucky moaned desperately. “Please, can I? Need it, make me come, Daddy, please!”

“Such a good little boy, begging Daddy like a needy little whore,” Steve purred. “Go ahead and come, baby.”

Steve went back to eating Bucky’s ass and Bucky moaned frantically. He gasped and moaned and cried from the pleasure until his orgasm crested, bursting over him like the dawn. His entire body burned with pleasure as he shook against the bed and came all over Steve’s sheets. Steve hummed with approval and gave one final kiss to Bucky’s hole before he knelt above him. He reached up with his free hand to stroke down Bucky’s back as he came down from his climax.

“Such a good boy,” Steve purred. “See how much better it feels when you submit to Daddy, let Daddy give you what you need?”

“Yes, Daddy. Thank you, thank you,” Bucky gasped.

He felt both utterly spent and totally invigorated. Steve pushed him further up the bed and grabbed a bottle of lube from the bedside table, all while keeping a hand locked around Bucky’s wrists. He poured cool lube on Bucky’s hole and pressed a finger in. It entered him easily and Bucky moaned.

“There, see how relaxed and loose you are for Daddy, now?” Steve asked. He angled his finger and Bucky arched off the bed with a moan. It was equal parts pleasure and pain, overstimulation making it the most amazing feeling Bucky had ever felt.

“Fuck,” he whimpered. “Oh, God!”

Steve draped himself back over Bucky’s body and kissed the back of his neck tenderly. Bucky relaxed at the touch and Steve hummed in approval.

“Good boy,” Steve murmured in his ear. “Just relax for me, baby. Daddy’s gonna make you feel so good.”

Steve added another finger and Bucky hissed as his hole stretched to accommodate it. God, he thought. This is only two fingers and his dick is fuckin’ huge! He’s gonna split me in half!

He mewled into the mattress beneath him as Steve stretched him open on his fingers. His fingers teased over his prostate, making his body jolt and spark with pleasure. In no time at all, sooner than Bucky had ever managed, his cock was hard again and leaking with pre-come. Steve pressed a third finger inside him and Bucky moaned loudly. After what felt like forever, Steve snarled in Bucky’s ear as he removed his fingers.

“Can’t wait anymore, baby boy,” Steve growled. “Gotta fuck you now, make you mine.”

“Yours, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. His brain was fuzzy and all that mattered was that Steve was gonna fuck him. He heard Steve lube up his cock before he pressed it to Bucky’s hole.

“Just breathe and relax, baby boy,” Steve murmured above him. “I’ve got you. This might hurt, but it’ll feel good eventually.”

It fucking burned. Steve pushed in slowly and Bucky groaned from the stretch. His hole was tight around the large dick. Steve was slow and gentle, murmuring sweet encouragement into Bucky’s ear, telling him how good he was doing. Bucky tuned out everything but Steve and the litany of praise that fell from his tongue.

By the time Steve bottomed out, Bucky was breathing like he had done a whole workout. His body was coated in a thin layer of sweat. Steve let go of his wrists to pet Bucky’s hair and body, but Bucky kept them in place.

“Look at you,” Steve said. His voice dripped with pride. “Daddy’s little boy took his entire cock. Such a good little boy, baby, Daddy’s so proud of you.”

Bucky preened at the praise. He lacked the energy to do much else. Thankfully, Steve seemed content to simply keep his cock in Bucky’s ass for the moment.

“Let me know when you’re ready, baby,” Steve murmured.

“So big, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Didn’t know they came this big, biggest I ever seen.”

Steve chuckled over him. “Thought you were a pure little virgin for Daddy, baby boy,” Steve said.

“Well… I watched porn,” Bucky admitted. “Had to take care of myself somehow.”

Steve hummed as a hand wrapped around Bucky’s throat again. It pressed lightly against Bucky’s wind pipe and Bucky gasped.

“Might have to punish you for that later, baby boy,” Steve snarled. “Did ya think about any of those other men fuckin’ your tight little hole?”

“N-No, Daddy,” Bucky gasped. “J-Just you, only wanted you, I promise!”

“Good,” Steve snarled. “Daddy doesn’t like to share, baby. You feel horny, you come to me, got it?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky whimpered. Steve’s grip on his throat relaxed and Bucky breathed. “W-Will you fuck me now?”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Steve said. He began rock his hips against Bucky’s ass in slow, shallow movements. Bucky gasped and moaned and arched his back against Steve’s hard body. Steve reached a hand up to Bucky’s hair and pulled his head back. He growled as he sucked hard on Bucky’s neck and Bucky was pretty sure he saw stars.

“Fuck, fuck, God, fuck,” Bucky whined.

“You like that, baby?” Steve growled. “You like bein’ full of Daddy’s big dick? You like bein’ Daddy’s little slut?”

“Yes, Daddy,” Bucky moaned. “Feels so good!”

Steve growled again and his thrusts became faster and harder. Bucky pushed back against Steve, meeting his thrusts and moaning as Steve’s cock dragged over his prostate. Steve clearly knew what he was doing. He aimed his thrusts so that they dragged directly over it with such precision that Bucky couldn’t do anything but moan as the pleasure flooded his senses.

“More, Daddy,” Bucky whined after a while. “Wanna feel it, wanna feel you.”

“Christ,” Steve moaned. “Just gettin’ started, baby. Gonna make you scream for your Daddy ‘til everyone knows who you belong to.”

He thrust faster, deeper, harder and Bucky cried out at a particularly sharp thrust. The pleasure mingled with the sweetest bit of pain, the bite in Steve’s thrusts, the way his teeth bit into the tender flesh of Bucky’s shoulder, the way his hair was pulled so that Steve could leave hickeys and beard burn on his neck. Through it all, Bucky kept his wrists at the small of his back.

Steve pulled out more and more as he went until his thrusts were long and deep. He slammed his hips into Bucky’s and Bucky cried out with ecstasy… right up until Steve came all the way out. Bucky whined at the loss, but before he had the chance to feel disappointed, Bucky flipped him over. Steve hovered over him and thrust back in with one strong thrust. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky’s waist and Bucky clutched at his back in turn, his nails digging shallow grooves into Steve’s immaculate back.

“Wanna see you come, baby boy,” Steve grunted. His hips slammed into Bucky. “Wanna see you come on Daddy’s dick.”

Bucky didn’t even have the sense to answer. He just nodded and howled with pleasure. He could do it, he could be good for Daddy, give him what he wanted. Steve growled and placed a searing kiss to Bucky’s mouth before sucking another mark on his neck.

“You close, baby?” Steve hissed. “You gonna come for Daddy? You gonna be a good boy for me?”

Bucky chanted yes over and over and over again. Steve fucked him even faster, driving him towards completion. Bucky could feel it. His balls rose, his gut tightened. He was gonna come. Steve slammed directly over his prostate and Bucky screamed his release as he came all over Steve’s body.

Bucky slumped back on the bed. Steve kept fucking him, kept fucking his hole and hitting his prostate. Bucky gasped in pain as the pleasure became overwhelming, but Steve kept going.

“Gonna come in you, baby boy,” Steve growled. “Gonna fill you up, make you mine. Fuck, you were perfect. Such a good little boy for Daddy. So good for waiting for me.”

Bucky felt a bit loopy but he smiled at the praise. Steve grunted and groaned and finally kissed him fiercely as he came. Bucky felt his cock pulse as hot come filled his ass. Bucky moaned at the feeling of being filled with Steve’s come.

It was strange. It was the good kind, though; the kind that was new but felt right, like another piece of some cosmic puzzle fell into place. In the back of his mind, Bucky remembered Steve’s words: that Bucky belonged to him. Maybe he did, maybe he was supposed to be Steve’s.

Steve slumped against him when he was done. He peppered Bucky’s face with lazy, gentle kisses and Bucky sighed in contentment. He didn’t pull out of Bucky, but Bucky felt Steve’s member finally soften a fraction.

“How do you feel?” Steve asked. “Did I hurt you?”

“That,” Bucky said. “Was so much better than I expected my first time would be. I never, ever want to sleep with anybody else.”

Steve hummed, clearly pleased that he’d succeeded in his mission. Bucky didn’t think he should’ve been surprised. Steve was known for getting the job done for a reason.

“What about you?” Bucky asked. “How are you?”

Steve actually gave him a sheepish smile. “I feel good,” he said. “Hopeful.”

Bucky studied him for a moment. “You really think that I’d leave after that?” Bucky asked. Steve’s blush gave him all the answer he needed.

“I’ve been told I can be… a lot,” Steve replied.

“They’re not wrong, whoever they are,” Bucky said. “But I liked it. Fuck, I don’t think there was one single thing about what happened that I didn’t like. You were amazing, Stevie.”

Steve smiled. Not a grin or a smirk or anything, but a real, genuine bright smile full of light and satisfaction.

“Thank you,” he said.

“I meant what I said, you know,” Bucky continued. Steve looked at him. “When you said I was yours and I agreed. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

“That’s good to hear,” Steve said. He leaned down and kissed him.

“There is one condition,” Bucky said.

“Yeah?”

“You have to take me out for dates,” Bucky replied. “I’m not just your boy toy. You gotta work for it, too.”

Steve laughed. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

They cuddled together until Bucky felt like he could move. Steve had to help him, as Bucky had a rather noticeable limp in his step. Steve washed him off with such gentle devotion that for Bucky, it sealed the deal. This was where he would belong.

[djbimbu-blog]

Bruce Springsteen - Darkness on the Edge of Town

For the first review why not start with the album this blog is named after, Bruce Springsteen’s fourth album, 1978’s Darkness on the Edge of Town. Why did I name my blog after this album? Is it my favorite album? Favorite album by the Boss? Nope. It’s not even my favorite Springsteen album (that would probably go Born to Run, but Darkness is close). It’s just what I happened to be listening to when I decided to start a blog because I needed a hobby, and I spend most of my time reading about whatever record I’m listening to anyway, so I might as well write down my half assed research and opinions.

I don’t remember when I got this record, a few years ago at some point. I bought it from one of my usual record stores. I had already tried to buy it once at a flea market, but when I got it home  the record actually was an Elvis Costello record inside of a Springsteen sleeve. And try as I might, I just can’t get into Costello. I learned the hard way (probably about $8 hard) that you don’t just look at some of the grooves for scratches, look at the label and make sure its the right fucking record in there. So I had to buy a second copy. It’s in decent shape, has a few crackles here and there, but I don’t go for mint condition stuff. I go for the record that’s the cheapest one out of the three copies the store has, because the sleeve is a little worn and one song has a scratch in it. I buy records to listen to first and foremost. I’m not rich, and I’m not buying them to look at, so some of my records are of questionable condition. 

The first copy I bought is now framed and hangs right above my stereo. A reminder not to be such a dumbass with my record shopping, and a reminder to stop being so quick to shit on artists based off mental cliches you’ve made about their fans. Basically a reminder to be a more open minded person, and less of an asshole.

Most of my life I had written off the Boss as boring baby boomer dad rock, stuff you hear on the radio in the waiting room of an automatic car wash, stuff along with solo Clapton, Toto, The Eagles, Journey’s slow songs. So you’re drinking free Keurig coffee while ESPN plays on the TV, hoping the balding, goateed man next to you doesn’t ask you you’re opinion on the draft because you didn’t watch it and don’t want to deal with the awkwardness of a judgmental look for being a 20 something man who doesn’t care about sports. In his mind my dull, offended, smart phone generation is destroying the spirit of the country, and in my mind, I thought Springsteen was his music, music from when “men were men”, worked at factories, ate McDonalds when it was still legally a food product, and Reagan was going to turn everything around from the malaise years of Carter. He probably listened to Springsteen back in 1980, played high school baseball, dealt with all the bullshit in his life by looking forward to Friday night when he could get drunk, hang out with his girlfriend, and drive around with his friends in a shitty rust box Nova (with the inline six, not even the v8 that still didn’t make 200 horsepower). Needless to say, I had judgmental opinions about Bruce Springsteen and the kinds of people who listened to him.

At some point something happened. I honestly think it was mostly just that I grew the fuck up just enough to hear Springsteen on the right day and it finally connected, finally all made sense. I remember where the change happened. I was sitting in one of my old apartments, a few years out of a bad break up (and dropping out of college), living with some of my best friends, working a dead end job, starting to drink too much, mentally planning a half impulsive move across the country away from it all…and binging The Sopranos for the first time. At the end of the first season finale, Tony and his family are driving in a bad storm, and seek shelter in the restaurant of Tony’s long time friend Artie. Artie, trying to close up, reluctantly lets them in to eat. Other friends and family are there dining, Tony and his family sit down, then Tony toasts to remembering “the little moments, like this…that were good.” Fade to black, and this faint acoustic guitar comes in over the credits, with this haunting voice, coated in a slap back delay, singing about having a “clear conscience for the things that I’ve done.” It’s a beautiful scene from one of the pinnacles of television. And I had to find out what the fuck that song was. It was like a combination of Elvis singing “Blue Moon”, Bob Dylan’s “The Ballad of Hollis Brown” with a touch of Suicide’s Alan Vega thrown in. I do some internet digging, and find out it’s this song called “State Trooper” by Bruce Springsteen. Bruce Springsteen? The guy behind that “Born In The USA” song drunk assholes ironically jammed on the Fourth of July, that I couldn’t stand? Was I wrong about him this whole time? So I started to dig into the Boss, first into the Born to Run album, since the song “Born To Run” I always had sort of guilty pleasure liked when it came on the radio. Within a year or so I would consider Springsteen a musical genius, and one of my absolute favorite musicians of all time (though I must admit I only deeply know his first 7 albums). All from hearing one of his least Springsteeny songs in the end credits of a tv show I was watching more than 10 years after airing.

On to the album. Springsteen had already recorded three albums, his last, Born to Run was a massive success, that had him maturing as an artist and writing songs that were absolutely beautiful and somehow could be absolutely depressing at the same time. Listen to “Jungleland". If it doesn’t make you feel every emotion at once, you’re not human. The lyrics tell a story I’m still not quite sure I understand, and it has the best saxophone solo ever put on a record (and for what it’s worth, the “Jungleland" sax solo is my favorite part of any song ever). It’s a perfect fucking song. It was a hard album to top, and I’m still not sure if he did. Darkness is a fantastic record, though I’m not sure if it’s as good as Born to Run (I’m also not sure if it’s worse). But you have to applaud Springsteen for not pulling an AC/DC, writing more of the same, and riding it out for the next 30 years. He came into the studio with a new band member, Steven Van Zandt (who I will still always think of first and foremost as Silvio Dante), and recorded a massive collection of over 50 songs. Some are available on the album The Promise which didn’t come out until 2010. 

Ten were picked for the record, which was harder hitting, darker, rawer, and more stripped down. It wasn’t as poppy (if you could consider Born To Run that), and wasn't as successful. The highest single off Darkness only made it’s way to No. 33 on the Billboard charts. How could he top Born To Run? He couldn’t, but the lack of relative success doesn’t make it any less of an album. It’s his In Utero, so to speak.

“Badlands” kicks off the album. With a rhythm Springsteen claims to have “borrowed” from The Animals “Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood” it moves quick. It has raw, crunchy guitars, you can already tell this isn’t Born To Run. The lyrics follow similar Springsteen territory, but you can tell right away this is a different album. The problem with “Badlands” though is the version on the Live 1975-1985 album just has that little bit extra. “Badlands” is a great song, but I usually find it just leaves me wanting the live version instead. The version of the live album comes from a 1980 show in Tempe, Arizona, which has concert footage on youtube. Honestly, most of the tracks from that show are better than the album. I have a hard time finishing Darkness sometimes without getting sidetracked watching Springsteen live videos on youtube about halfway through.

“Adam Raised A Cain” is maybe Springsteen’s heaviest song. It starts off with a fast, overdriven guitar, and goes right into a ripping, pissed off, guitar solo. The tempo picks up a bit in the bridge, and then the chorus hits you hard, with yelling background vocals and squealing lead guitar. The guitar solo comes in later, reminiscent of the intro solo, but with a few unique lines thrown in. At the end they go back into the chorus for a solid minute, and jam on it until the end. Springsteen doesn’t have many songs like this. I wish he did. It’s really fucking good.

“Something in the Night” is a slower tune. It’s not bad, but I find it a little forgettable. If I’m scrolling through Spotify for the car or something, it’s not the tune I’d pick out if I only have a 5 minute drive. I do really like last half though, where the vocals get a little less ballad, and a little rougher, a little louder.

“Candy’s Room” has just not aged well. Something about the piano line, the driving bass, the drums, I’m not sure what. Some of the production on this album is pretty dated, but for some reason more so on this one. Maybe because it’s about a girl named Candy, and nobody’s been born with that name in quite a while (at least not that I know). It just sounds very 1970’s, and not in the good way. It’s a little boring, and the lyrics don’t really do much for me. It has a pretty good guitar solo though, so points for that. Probably my least favorite track.

“Racing In The Street” heads right into a different direction. It starts off with a solo piano, and Springsteen singing about his 69 Chevy. I’m a bit of a classic car lover myself, so I appreciate the references, and only a few people could sing a love song about girls and muscle cars and not make it hokey as shit. It’s definitely not Van Halen’s Panama. How though? A song with this subject matter should be corny and terrible, but it’s really fucking good. It’s pure beautiful Americana. It’s the musical equivalent of having a fire on the beach with your best friends in the summertime. It’s simple, but taking simple stories and making them something relatable to everyone is what Springsteen is the best at. Even if you don’t like cars, anyone can listen to this song and have something in you’re life it could be about.

“The Promised Land” starts off with a midtempo guitar and a matching harmonica. I don’t quite know what the lyrics mean, but you sure as hell want to get to the promised land too. The song slows down in the middle, with a guitar solo, and rips right into a classic Clarence Clemons sax solo. This is probably the “poppiest” song on the album, which is not to say it’s “Dancing In The Dark.” It’s still in full rock and roll territory, but it’s fucking catchy. Another song you need to watch the footage of from the 1980 Arizona show. The album version is good, the live one is perfect.

“Factory” is one of the lesser songs on the album. I honestly usually skip it. It’s just a little too slow after “The Promised Land” and the song after “Factory” is really good. It’s not a bad song, but just a victim of track listing choice. Especially if I’m not listening to the vinyl, in the car or the gym or something, it’s getting skipped. If it’s on the record, I’ll listen, but I’m not that invested. The lyrics aren’t Springsteen’s best, a little too on the nose.

“Streets of Fire” is another slower tune, but a little harder. I doesn’t have that much in common, but it reminds me a lot of “Backstreets” off Born To Run. It starts off pretty mellow, with just an organ (some sort of keyboard, I’m going with organ), but starts to pick up and hits hard when the guitars come in, and then goes right into one of the coolest guitar solo’s on a Springsteen album. The guitar tone is just fuzzy enough, it’s loud, drenched in reverb, and the rest of the band just lays back. It comes out of nowhere. The rest of the song is more of the same and fades out, but that solo makes the song.

“Prove It All Night” is a classic mid tempo Springsteen rock and roll love song. Nothing ground breaking, but it’s still one of the better tracks on the album. In the middle it goes into a sax solo, and then up another level with another great guitar solo. This is definitely the best Springsteen guitar album. The solo’s hit hard, sound mean, but aren’t showy or lame 1970’s rock show off stuff. They serve the songs really well. Something about this song though makes me feel like it would fit better on The River. Another song to check out live footage of. It turns into an extended jam, and is just a little bit quicker. I think if they recorded it with the tempo of the live show, it would have brought it from one of the decent tracks on the album to one of the best. I don’t know why, there’s nothing about this song particularly interesting, but I find myself throwing it on quite a bit.

“Darkness on the Edge of Town” ends the album. It’s a little bit of a middle ground between “Racing In The Street” and “Streets of Fire.” It’s one of Springsteens more critically regarded songs, Rolling Stone rated it the #8th best song by him apparently, but I don’t really see it. It’s good, but even on this album there’s quite a few better songs. It’s okay, it’s a good outro to the album, I can see what they were going for, but it just never really jelled with me that well.

Final thoughts:

Favorite songs: “Adam Raised a Cain,” “Racing In The Street,” “The Promised Land,” “Streets of Fire.” 

Least favorite songs: “Candy’s Room,” “Factory”

[lovelyirony]

Spying Among Friends Isn’t Acceptable Unless You Work Together

Tony Stark was not known as a thief, but that is who he was. Everyone thought he was some paperwork junkie at the police station, buried in his codes and work and paperclip inventions. He always wore jeans and an old t-shirt to work every single day. He had six cups of coffee spread out over the course of his day at the station, and always at irregular intervals. No one really knew what he did in his personal life, and he liked it that way. Bruce had seen him at the grocery store approximately once, buying at least thirty for-one frozen dinners, fruit, and a small package of gum. (The gum was for a mission, not for him.) 

He liked being anonymous at work. No one really pried into his life or asked why sometimes he would come in with exhaustion spread throughout his body. Or that weird time where he glared at Natasha for three minutes straight when she took his coffee mug because Clint smashed hers on accident. 

But no. The old captain, Coulson, got transferred. Coulson had known their tendencies and not to bother Stark when he was at work. Coulson was sent to corral a youthful group of cops down at precinct eighty-seven. 

They sent in a Newly-Minted Captain. Captain Rogers. He’s Tony’s age, smiles like he has sunshine creeping out of every pore, and has a stunning record of arrests made and criminals caught. It’s...inspiring. Nearly. But Tony works in paperwork. Most cops hate dealing with the paper pushers unless they screwed something up. 

Not so with Steven Rogers. He comes in with a fresh uniform and frowns as Tony is on his second cup of coffee in under half-an-hour. (New record, but not like anyone has noticed.) “You’re in a t-shirt.” 

“What an observation,” Tony states. “I’m so glad you’re our captain now, however would I have known?” His frown grows. 

“You should be in work attire.” 

“I work in paperwork, it’s not like anyone sees me anyway.” No one really wants to see Tony either; he’s eccentric. He has weird art on the walls that he bought at three a.m. Sometimes he puts it on Bucky’s desk just to fuck with him.

Steve visits. 

And visits. 

He comes in every day during his lunch break because someone--Natasha, that absolute traitor--told Steve that she’s never seen Tony leave for lunch. 

“You have to wear a regular uniform to work.” 

“Why? Who is seeing me?” 

“I am. Your coworkers are. Regular civilians. You need to set an example.” 

“I am setting an example, it’s a bad one. No one ever specifies what kind of example you want. Besides, Natasha always looks good in her outfits. Bucky has an okay-ish sense of style. I think the pink shirt was a bad idea.” Steve has a ghost of a smile. 

The Captain complicates things later on. When Tony has actual plans. He could usually slip undetected if the staff ever needed to stay overtime due to a security threat or some big shot was traveling into the city and needed protection. Technically, Tony had nothing to do with that side of the law. 

But Steve makes sure the paperwork guy is there. Tony is angry, and makes sure that people know it. He keeps launching paperclips into the crowd and slips fifteen into Steve’s pockets before he even shows an inkling of noticing. 

Tony has another job. 

He steals things. 

He had a gig to coordinate in upstate New York at a society party, but no, there just had to be work involved. Tony calls in a favor from Sharon to get the job done. 

“You owe me so fucking much,” Sharon grumbles on the phone. “I gave up girls’ night out with Jen and Trish for this.” 

“You’re getting more money for the next time,” Tony says. Steve gives him an eyebrow. “Brat cousin called to complain about her job. It’s nothing.” 

“Oh go fuck yourself, I’m not the brat cousin. I’m the one who can slip away from their boss.” 

“Goodbye, Sharon.”

“Bite me.” Tony snorts as he hangs up his phone. 

Job goes off without a hitch. Sharon did it all in a white dress, which has Tony impressed. She even got a number from a cute girl. 

She drops off “lunch” at Tony’s office. Tony catches the bag while she flips him off. 

“You’re welcome! You owe me ten grand!” 

“You’ll get it when you get it,” Tony responds. (She wasn’t lying about the ten grand.) 

“Who was that,” Natasha asks. “And why do you know her?” 

“Cousin, she got lunch for me,” Tony responds. “Quit pestering me.”

“Why was your cousin visiting you?” 

“Because unlike you, I’m capable of love. Screw off.” 

The next job is acceptable. It’s on a Sunday, and Tony doesn’t work on Sundays usually. 

He gets in a black suit, smirks in the mirror, and heads for a high society party where there’s going to be a lot of pretty jewels and corrupt men. Thank god he wore his tight pants. 

Steve Rogers found it exhausting to be both a police captain and the leader of a team of criminals. The whole point of becoming the new police captain was to allow his team to get more leeway in their organization and ventures. Natasha, Clint, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, and Sam would all have a better opportunity to do things on the down low. 

But then they threw a wrench in the plan with Tony Stark. The guy with the paperwork. Not even Natasha or Bucky could figure out what he did on his off time. Tony would always avoid the question or fire back his own. He was damn perceptive. 

He needed to either join or go. And from what Bruce said, Tony never joined anything. 

Tony nearly chokes on his spit when he sees Steve Rogers in a suit cut to damn near perfection, holding a flute of champagne like he’s been high society this whole time. He owns a shitty apartment in Brooklyn, and the only reason Tony knows that is because he hacked his computer on the rare day that Rogers held a meeting outside his office.

Tony can’t be caught. He can’t be. He’s not sure what Rogers is doing here, but he shouldn’t be here. 

Neither should Natasha. Or Bucky. Or Bruce. Or Clint. (They trusted Clint on this? Clint? Really? Shit. He must be decent.) Holy hell, they let Thor in on this?! Sam?!?! Actually, Sam makes sense. He looks damn good in a suit. 

Tony sneaks around like he’s back in college and running ops with Rhodey. But he has to get the information from Petrov, otherwise this whole mission will turn to shit. 

Petrov is wearing a ridiculous blue suit. It’s not in season, but a man with that much influence doesn’t need to pay attention to marketing techniques to get the public to buy more things. Tony flashes him a smile. 

“Hello,” Petrov says. He smiles at Tony like he thinks he’s getting tail tonight. Tony lets him think about it and walks away with a coquettish sort of smile. He can’t let Sam or Natasha see him; they’re in scope. 

He leads Petrov through the crowd. Once Steve turns his head a fraction, Tony grips Petrov tight and leads him outside the party. “So forward for a man who hasn’t spoken a word to me.” 

“I have plenty of words, which ones suit you?” Tony asks, smirk pasted on. “Come along, and we’ll get to know each other better.” Petrov falls into the trap. Tony smiles. 

Petrov is found tied to a bed and babbling about some man coming into his room and threatening him for information. 

Captain Rogers is pissed. He’s short with everyone. Tony pokes at him until he yells at Tony to get back to his room. Mission accomplished and finalized. Rogers probably won’t be bothering him for the day. 

There was something off about that mission. Someone wasn’t supposed to be there. Steve has a headache the size of New York, and a nagging feeling stronger than anything. He’s getting to the bottom of it even if it gives him away. 

Someone knew. 

They weren’t supposed to know. 

Tony Stark’s life is about to get a lot more complicated. 

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

1 3 and 10 c:

Ahh, thank you for the ask! c:

1. What is your favorite DC movie and why? And least favorite?

Justice League vs. Teen Titans! Because I’m simply biased as hell.

To ALL of its elements! Azarath! In a MOVIE! Arella’s story got RECOGNIZEd– even ANIMATED! It gave Raven’s gem a BACKSTORY! It’s everything I’ve ever wanted out of a Teen Titans animation.

(Azarath being animated in a movie fulfilled my SOUL, you have NO fucking idea. It was AMAZING. And so well animated too? So pretty? So peaceful? So nice to look at? Holy god, I want ten thousand hours of documentaries on that place??? legitimate tears in my eyes when we saw it. honestly, it was just… it was so good.)

Not to mention, while the production value was Kinda Eh, the writing was really clever and the Moments (silly, fun, heartfelt, freaky, dramatic) were all really well done. It captured the “Heart” of those feelings, emotive and raw and honest. I actually enjoyed the fun moments. Myself. And wasn’t just “distantly admiring people being happy”. Do you know how much of an ACCOMPLISHMENT that is?

The music was really cool. Not to reveal my Immortal Inner Emo Kid. But “Down to Nothing” is a really good song. (One of my only problems with this movie is that it was shoddily edited in the scene, and it’s a shame, because it really is a good song… {lD it was kinda my anthem for a long, long time after this movie. “Help me: believe in something, cuz I am: broken, I’m down to nothing. And it’s just so hard to be this way, but it’s just as hard to change. So: help me, believe in sooomethiiing….”)

(Because it’s in this movie, I grin a bit whenever Ciaran randomly shuffles it up. But also because I just really like the song itself.)

Also really cool: Trigon was an abusive asshole. Ultra mega props for that element; not just making him a Bad Guy because he’s Powerful and Wants to Rule the World, but legitimately showing that he was a BAD “GUY” *and* a Bad Parent.

Also nice, Damian felt less shoehorned in than Certain Other Really Recent Robins were in the comics…. (The reason for that may have been glossed over and a touch cliche, but it worked for the movie. It did what it needed to, nothing more and nothing less.)

Good thing too, because Damian being A Kid was really nice to see. (Raven too, let’s be real. Those kids need more “fun” in their lives.) Bond the children! BOND THEM, GODDAMN IT. That’s what any good Teen Titans story really needs; friends who are a FAMILY. They love each other, even if it’s hard-earned and hard-kept.

Focused on the PEOPLE, and their WELL-BEING, just as much as (if not MORESO!) than “ohshit, Big Bad Guy to deal with here”.

(the rest is under a cut, because godDAMN. I got rambly once I started talking about Raven.)

And perhaps most important of all to me: Raven’s characterization was amazing. Truly a masterpiece. Any time you’ve got a comic character with 7 different tones and 3-4 Literal Deaths and like 28 different writers having handled her: It takes a LOT of work to pick and choose what you want to do with them. It takes a lot of WISDOM and even prowess to triangulate your Own Characterization between such dramatic differences. Raven has been cold and distant; warm and soft; sharp and bitter; lost and clueless; wise and knowledgeable; she’s a very LAYERED and COMPLEX character even in each individual VERSION.

And the movie portrayed so many of her key characteristics so wonderfully. It’s a very “complete” picture of my absolutely Iconic Favorite Character, it encompasses so much of my Favorite Parts of her throughout her entire history, and it was just such a delight to experience. I, in my unpopular opinion (at least among my contemporary Cartoon-First Generation of Teen Titans Fans), actually really liked her voice actress, too? So subtle. So snarky. So soft, even with its edge of attitude. It was such a good fit for such a good incarnation!

And then there’s the fact that they included Jaime (who does well on his own, but honestly always seemed like a natural fit to the team), Kori (a Key Titan, let’s be honest), and even Gar (because his playfulness is a key part of Whole-Team Characterization too honestly; it wouldn’t be the same without him). It was a good setup, even with the comics this continuity’s based on being totally cracked.

And Cyborg showed up. Despite working “in the big Leagues” now. Thanks for throwing us that bone, at least. lD

And Damian? They did a great job of giving him character developement. Much needed. Good shit. If he can’t be with Dick!Bats in this verse (and I deeply prefer Dick as Nightwing anyways), that’s a really good fit for him. Learning to be human. Getting comfortable with Some Normalcy. Good and relateable.

That movie was just. Ahhh. SO Good. X3 As a Teen Titans fan especially, but also just as a person who likes a good Team Becoming Family story.

I love it. It has its caveats, but none of them dampen my obnoxiously heartfelt love for this thing.

*

(…yikes .after THAT essay, the rest of my answers are going to feel so shallow.)

All that bias aside though, my other favorite DC movie is definitely Wonder Woman. Hands down. Undoubtedly, no contest, no holds bar. It was a phenomenally well-told story with a lot of wit and compelling characters that used absolutely MASTERFUL rising action, and felt GENUINE. It was told from the heart as well as the camera, and it was told beautifully. Smoothly. It felt godly and human all at once. I can’t explain it very well, but it was genuinely one of the best movies I have ever seen.

I never got very into Wonder Woman, but from what I know of the 80’s and the Really Recent comics: It also captured her backstory, her personality, and her Style of Heroism really well. But even without being very familiar with her as a character? It’s a gorgeously well-done movie.

( Note: I still haven’t seen Justice League yet, but from what I’ve heard, I’ll probably end up liking that one too.)

*

Least favorite? I don’t know, honestly.

(My least favorite superhero movie is that one Marvel one with Vision, because I literally fell asleep while watching it. That’s the first time in my entire life I’ve fallen asleep while watching ANYTHING.)

But for DC, even the silly obnoxiously-radioactive-colored Batman and Robin has its place in history.

Can I just say, maybe… “the Injustice: Gods Among Us cutscenes”?- raven’s voice really grates my nerves, and not even in a Fun Creepy Way.- Whose idea was it to have SUPERMAN go evil? Like? ?? Who thought that was in any way a reasonable idea. - the story in that game felt really cobbled together. The comics are a lot more interesting, fun, and though there’s a lot of, like, Random Occurrences that seem to happen Exclusively For The Drama, in the game there are a lot of ill-explained things and general Random Chaos. Not my kinda story.

*

3. Which DC character should be introduced in movies/shows? Or have a movie/show of their own?

I mean. My automatic response is “Raven”, but I only ever want to see that if it’s being done right. The way CW wanted to do it kinda ripped the heart of everything I know/love about her to shreds. (”Relateable normal teen girl sudden has powers”? What? What??? That’s literally NONE of Raven’s backstory, shoo. Begone. Good riddance.)

That aside, I’d honestly probably watch the HELL out of a Nightwing show. Or movie. Just LET DICK BE HIMSELF. Without being attached at the history AND HIP to Bruce!

Or Death? or Sandman? I don’t know how well they’d translate to TV; Nightwing would certainly be the safer bet. Neil Gaiman’s writing is half as great as it is because of the WRITING. The style. The narrations… But, I mean: Coraline was just wonderful~ So why not a Sandman movie, too? Given the right director, and the right special effects team…?

(Constantine would’ve been next on my list, for a better movie anyway. but he’s already getting some decent recognition. So whoop whoop. Good shit. Nice Decision, DC. I Approve.)

10. Which DC character portrayal do you think is better in the comics than in the movies?

Batman. By far.

I’m just sick of all this manpain and gritty, utterly-unyielding violence, and… politics? Where’s the humanity?

Aren’t these writers forgetting that he’s someone who has suffered, and is doing all this, not just to beat up bad guys and look cool, but to save others from what theyd do? To HELP PEOPLE, not to growl like a man-tiger and punch things?

You can be badass and still have a heart, you know. Comics!Bruce does. (Most of the time.) And that’s a big part of why I like reading Batman comics so much.

And on that note, the conspicuous lack of Robins in (most) movies is an insult to comic history. Batman’s family-seeking and protect-the-children tendancies make for a much more interesting franchise, honestly. Give us a colorful cast! (Literally!) Give us diversity! Give us more stories with more characters so it has more facets than just “some guy wants to kill people; can’t have that”!)

As a sidenote: what I’ve seen of Gotham, it’s doing a really good job of encapsulating his Heroic Tendencies as well as his “sense of Duty” to Gotham and its people, while keeping him human AND super cool. That’s an important balance.

[marrvelle-fics]

Don’t Leave Me... (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

Words: About 950

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Gender Neutral Reader (the one thing is he calls the reader ‘doll’ a lot but hey if you don’t mind that then it’s totally gender neutral!)

Warnings: Major character death, crying, cussing, a shit ton of angst so buckle up

Summary: Bucky and (Y/N) have been flirting and crushing on each other, but both are too afraid to make a move. When a mission goes south, confessions are made, and hearts are broken.

A/N: Alright so since it is the 1 Year Anniversary of this blog, I figured I should post something. I wrote this a few months ago but never got around to finishing it. I finally did, and I feel like it’s absolute shit but I figured what the hell it’s decent enough, let’s post it. I hope you guys like it! 

Missions weren't anything new to you. You were an Avenger after all.

You had been recruited to the team shortly after the Fall of Shield. You were a deadly assassin, almost as deadly as Natasha. Some could even argue that you were deadlier with your telekinetic abilities.

You were currently in a HYDRA base, kicking ass with your fellow Avengers. This was a full team mission, and right now, everyone had their hands full.

You leap over a HYDRA agent, then swiftly turn around and shoot him.

Another one comes up behind you, and you do your signature spin kick, where you spin around with your leg out, kicking the agent wherever it lands.

"Hey doll, can you stop looking so sexy while beating the shit outta the enemy?" Bucky's voice comes over comms and you smile, your heart lurching at the sound of his voice.

You feel yourself blush but keep your cool. "I can't make any promises, Barnes."

He chuckles, making your stomach flip over and your face heat up.

"Are you two done flirting so you can do your job?" Sam asks.

You roll your eyes. "I'm multitasking Wilson. It's a pretty useful skill that you should learn."

"Ooh you're gonna need some ice for that burn." Bucky says.

You snort.

You continued kicking ass until Bucky's voice came over comms again.

"Hey (Y/L/N),  I could use an extra hand here."

"Wait, is the one and only James Buchanan Barnes asking me for help?" You asked, smirking, but your heart raced at the thought of him in danger.

"Yup."His voice sounds tighter as if he's struggling.

"On my way."

You leap over the railing of the platform you're on and drop down to the level below you.

"Westside?"

"Yep." He replies.

You run in his direction.

When you get there, you see five guards cornering Bucky. His eyes were wild with terror, and you knew they were trying to capture him again.

"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!!!" You yell as you jump up and grab one in a thigh grip. The others barely have time to react before your telekinesis slams them against the walls.

You slam the guy you're currently holding into the ground.

You stand up and look at Bucky.

"You okay?" You ask.

He nods, giving you a small smile. "Thank you, doll."

You open your mouth to reply, but suddenly, pain erupts through your body as you feel a bullet go through your stomach.

You cry out in pain, and then you crumple to the floor.

"(Y/N)!!!" Bucky shouts, raising his gun and shooting the man who hit you, before running to you.

"(Y/N)?! What's wrong!?! Buck what happened?!" Steve's voice came through comms.

"(Y/N)'s been hit. We need evac now."

You claw at his uniform. "No- Buck."

He looks down at you, fear in his eyes.

"It'll be too late." You rasp.

He shakes his head vigorously. "No. No, don't say that, doll. Steve, we need backup and evac now!"

"I'm on my way, Barnes." Sam says.

"Bucky please just-" You start coughing up blood.

He sits you up slightly so you don't choke on your own blood.

"I'm not gonna let you die." He says through gritted teeth.

You smile sadly.

"You're too beautiful to die."

Your eyes widen. "James-"

"I'm in love with you (Y/N)." He blurts out.

You stop, everything stops.

"Bucky I-"

He cuts you off. “I was too afraid to say anything until now... But now it's too late." His voice cracks, and you see tears roll down his cheeks.

You lift a shaky hand and wipe his tears away.

"It's okay Buck... and I love you too, I was too damn scared to tell you. I was afraid you would push me away."

"No doll... No, I would never push you away."

You smile sadly.

Sam lands next to you suddenly.

"Shit." He gasps when he sees you.

He crouches down and examines the wound.

"Okay Barnes, you need to lift (Y/N) and get to the quinjet. I'll cover you."

Bucky nods and looks at you.

"This might hurt a little."

You nod. "I'm ready."

He lifts you, and raw pain shoots through your stomach, causing a yelp to leave your lips.

“Hang on doll.”

You feel him carry you through the seemingly endless corridors, you feel yourself drifting.

“(Y/N)!! Listen to me! Stay with me! Listen to my voice!!” Bucky yells.

“Buck…” You whimper, your hand reaching towards his face. You cup his cheek before the world goes black.

“(Y/N)!! NO!!” He yells.

Sam and Bucky get to the quinjet and lay you on the gurney they had ready. Bruce is there and helps hook you up to a heart monitor.

Nothing.

Bucky feels his heart drop.

Bruce rushes to get the defibrillators out.

“CLEAR!” He yells, before pressing them against your bare chest.

Bucky watches as your body lurches, but there’s no response.

The rest of the team has filed in by now.

“CLEAR!!” Bruce says as he tries again.

Nothing.

Tears roll down Natasha and Wanda’s cheeks. Vision holds Wanda close, trying to comfort her as he wonders how someone so happy can be taken from this world so cruelly. Tony holds his head in his hands. Clint has his back turned towards your now lifeless body.

Everyone is silent.

Bruce turns and looks at Bucky, his eyes filled with sadness. The whole team had heard you and Bucky confessing your love to each other over comms.

“I’m so sorry.” He says, his voice barely a whisper.

“No...” Bucky says, rushing to your form. He cups your lifeless cheeks, as tears roll down his cheeks. “No… please.”

He lifts you off the gurney, holding you close to his chest. “No… Please don’t leave me. Please…”

Steve steps forward, placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder.

Bucky slowly puts you back down, and he lets Steve pull him into his embrace. Steve holds his friend as they both cry.

The Avengers’ little ball of sunshine was gone.

A/N: WOO! Hope y’all enjoyed that angst ride and don’t hate me too much. I’ve still got a few requests to write so hopefully I can get a couple of em out by the end of the year. Love you guys!

TAGS

@imaginingadifferentlife @that-sokovian-bastard @a-e-and-peggy @storm-howlett @meep-meep22 @the-craziestone @barnes-toddpartnersinheartbreak @itsanerdlife

Please send me a message or let me know in the comments if you’d like to be added to my tag list. Please specify if you want to be tagged in all of my imagines (including all the characters I write for), imagines just about this character, or if you only want to be tagged in this series. Thank You!

[gazzhowie]

My Top 25 Movies of 2020.

It is indeed time… or at least, as is tradition, it is indeed now overdue for me to dust off the cobwebs from my Tumblr account and post my Top 25 movies of the year. This time for 2020. That funny old year, huh? Where - if some are to be stupidly believed - “no films got released because of the pandemic”.

I thought I was done with this after 12 years and concluding with my Top 25 of the decade effort and yet here I am. Back rather egotistically because 2 people told me how much they look forward to reading this. Go figure! Years 2008 through to present are available in the archive. Frequent visitors know that I’ll throw out a few special mentions to all the films that I wish I could’ve included but couldn’t make them fit yet believe they deserve a shout out regardless and then I get stuck in to what I think are the 25 best films of the year.

As always, films listed are based on their UK release date whether that’s in the cinema or on DVD, VOD etc. Anyway, without further ado, here’s the ‘also-rans’ and ‘near-misses’ separated per genre that very nearly made the final list:

Setting my stall out straight away, Steve McQueen’s Small Axe was very much TV to me and won’t get ranked within my film listing. I loved two of the efforts a great deal (Education and Mangrove), liked two but found them lacking (Red, White & Blue and Alex Wheatle) and did not get what everyone else seems to from the other (Lover’s Rock).

In terms of documentaries this year, I thought Frank Marshall did a fabulous job with The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend A Broken Heart; a comprehensive study of the personal complexities and professional excellence of an incredibly underappreciated band. I found On The Record to be a difficult but inspiring watch and its background ‘politics’ exposed the hypocrisy of Ava DuVernay and Oprah Winfrey in a manner we’re not talking loud enough about. Hitsville: The Making of Motown was an extensive, lovely historical tribute to an era and a style of music, full of great tunes and equally great talking head anecdotes. And finally Belushi managed to find fresh angles and previously untold stories about one of the most mythologised comedy stars of all time, simply by pulling the man to the forefront ahead of his talents.

For dramas, I enjoyed Trial of the Chicago 7 a great deal and am an absolute sucker for the work of Aaron Sorkin but bad casting (Eddie Redmayne) and stunt casting (Sacha Baron Cohen) hurt this film. I’m a sucker for a disaster movie and Pål Øie made an incredibly entertaining one with the Norwegian high-melodrama, The Tunnel. Edward Norton’s long-gestating Motherless Brooklyn was a solid, old-fashioned PI yarn with some great casting to back it up. It’s the most alive Bruce Willis has been in years and it served to remind you that Alec Baldwin can be quite the terrific actor when he’s not being an utter joke of a human. I liked The Vast of Night a great deal when in the throes of watching it but liked it less in the aftermath. Cut Throat City was the underrated dramatic gem of the year in a lot of ways and showed that RZA has a great deal of skill as a legit filmmaker, when not being caught up in the ‘gimmicks’. O.G finally landed here via Sky Atlantic of all places, rather than any sort of VOD release, and it was an enthralling drama that served to remind us all how brilliant Jeffrey Wright can be when not overacting to the point of cringe or being stuck with really terrible writing (hello, TV’s Westworld!).

With the blockbuster season at the cinema all but dead from the outset, the joys of the action genre were to be found in the little b-movies tucked away on streaming platforms and VOD. Quick notable exceptions were The Outpost which was a reminder that Rod Lurie can deliver a hell of an action sequence, blighted by truly awful film-damaging casting and Extraction which was a well-directed derivative piece of hokum. Donnie Yen delivered an earnest, entertaining end to one of the surprise action franchises of the last decade with IP Man 4 that not even Scott Adkins could fuck up. Hack director Deon Taylor accidentally delivered Black and Blue; a pretty good ode to the ‘man on the run’ non-stop action thrillers of the 80s and 90s – with Naomi Harris killing it in the lead role. Netflix tucked away two of the greatest b-movie actioners of 2020 with The Decline (a ‘Doomsday Preppers’ training camp goes horribly wrong) and Earth & Blood (a sawmill owner uses his place of work as a battleground to take on the cartel). And, finally, the Ma Dong-seok (aka Don Lee) Taken rip-off Unstoppable arrived to streaming and turned out to be vastly superior to all of the films it was a knock-off of.

It was a great year for horror, especially if you were open to the sort of scares you were after. Sea Fever didn’t stick the landing but delivered an ace sense of foreboding and tension building for the most part. Harpoon was a sneakily nasty, surprisingly engrossing, violent little film. VFW was a lot of fun but nowhere near as good as its concept and cast suggested it was going to be. It’s also been subsequently marred by the stories coming out of its production and the revelations about Fred Williamson. I thought Come To Daddy was an absolute gift of a horror comedy that kept swerving whenever you thought you had a handle on where it was going. And Elijah Wood continues to show himself to be an American national treasure. After Midnight was an intriguing relationship drama with a horror bent and You Should Have Left, the Stir of Echoes reunion we’ve all long sought, would work as an off-kilter double-bill with it. Kevin Bacon is brilliant in it. Vampires Vs The Bronx is a totally disposable but immensely fun ode to The Lost Boys and The Monster Squad that’ll serve you well on a lazy Saturday night. Black Water: Abyss was a really good little creature feature with a ridiculous ending that infuriates. And Train To Busan: Pennisular was a pretty shit Train to Busan sequel but an immensely entertaining post-apocalyptic zombie action movie.

Onwards is worth mentioning for the fun and moving animated ride it initially presents as but, like too much Pixar nowadays, it does not hold up to repeat viewing.

Comedy-wise, I thoroughly enjoyed Bill & Ted Face The Music but thought its gag-rate was far too hit and miss for it to take a place on the top spot. Buffaloed was a kind of “M’eh” blue-collar Wolf of Wall Street with yet another fantastic ‘How the fuck isn’t she a huge star already’ turn from Zoey Deutch. Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made was a quirky out-of-leftfield oddity that me and my eldest son enjoyed a great deal. Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga was not the travesty you would’ve thought it’d be, mainly because of Rachel McAdams, but if Will Ferrell had just leaned a little harder towards his more absurdist style of humour (the killer fairy shit for example?) this could have been so much more. Finally, the second Borat film had some utterly majestic moments of cringe-comedy that make it worthy of a mention but the mechanics of joke-execution and faked set-pieces were far more on show this time around.

And now, if you’re still hanging in there that is, here is my actual Top 25 films of 2020…

25. Skyfire

I don't know whether it's because I’ve been starved of my usual 'Summer Silly Season' this year but I absolutely fucking LOVED this. It's the stupidest, most ridiculous, relentlessly bonkers "Jurassic Park - but with volcanos" fare you could ask for. I have no idea what the fuck Jason Isaac is doing in this but I’m so glad he is because it just adds to the glorious WTF-ery of it all. It's 30 minutes of mechanical lay-up followed by 60 minutes of non-stop, audacious carnage. It's been a long time since me and my wife have had this much fun watching something.

24. Bad Education

Dropped exclusively to Sky Cinema here, this is a great little film that has a shocking true story at its centre. Hugh Jackman and Allison Janney are absolutely terrific. Both of them are the sort of talents who've been in bad movies but never ever given a bad performance regardless.

Here both Jackman and Janney are having a ball with the material and they elevate a very good film into something that demands to be seen.

23. Blood Quantum

This was definitely one of the first-class b-movie horrors of the year for me. It does wonders on screen with very little AND it gives a shot in the arm to the zombie subgenre. It leads you into thinking you're getting yet another zombie-breakout film before expertly wrongfooting you into growing into something else. It's a Native American NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD meets MAD MAX!

22. Bad Boys For Life

This was a first-rate blast, it really was. From the inexplicable reusing of the 'Simpson/Bruckheimer' production card to the reworking of Mark Mancina's original theme, it draws you straight back to that 1990s blockbuster vibe. It's not just very funny and stacked with some pretty decent action sequences but, rather bizarrely, it actually has something interesting to say about ageing and masculinity... because nowadays Joe Carnahan is killing it when it comes to introspective recalibrations on what it means to be a man. If you were to spoil this movie for someone and reveal what the "twist" is it would sound like the stupidest, hokiest shit ever. And yet inexplicably they make it work. And furthermore, Martin Lawrence goes from the tag-along in this franchise to the platinum level MVP here. The entire final third is held up higher by his insanely good line delivery ("Would you fuck a witch without a condom?") and it's most likely how he plays shit as to why that stupid, hokey plot twist works as well as it does.

Over the course of three separate decades each BAD BOYS entry has, in itself, served to be a somewhat accidentally perfect reflection of the very cinematic decade it landed in: The first is possibly one of the last to truly and wholeheartedly successfully land that perfect marriage between the 'MTV era' and the blockbusters; bringing about the boom of the "music video director as filmmaker" that the 1990s became well known for. The second was a pitch perfect reflection of the gratuitous, often empty-headed, completely excessive pop culture period we were birthing in the 2000s. And the third lands now, right in the very time period where masculinity is being put under a spotlight and men are being asked to be more self-reflective about themselves and their conduct.

With that said, the fourth will obviously therefore land sometime in 2029 and deal with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence wandering a pandemic-ravaged Miami wasteland.

21. Wolfwalkers

This is one of the most lovely, visually wondrous, sumptuous animated films you'll experience this year. Or in quite some time, actually. It’s not just a great adventure film but it’s also a really effective ‘message’ movie that manages to teach about tolerance and friendship along with the perils of fear-mongering, without ever being overly preachy.

20. An American Pickle

This was one of the surprises of the year for me; I THOUGHT I was getting a quirky Seth Rogen fish-out-of-water comedy and instead I got that... with a massive dollop of heart, humour and interesting things to say about legacy and 'cancel culture'. I liked it a lot. It's also further evidence of how intriguing a talent Seth Rogen is becoming; jumping between broad commercial fare and original off-kilter stuff like this, producing and developing fascinating projects for film and TV and working to pass the ladder back down to others too.

19. Get Duked

I say this with only a modicum of bias as I know someone who worked a little bit on this film but this was genuinely brilliant - the absolute laugh-out-loud delight we all need right now. At the time I watched this I don’t think I’d smiled in nearly a fortnight but this broke through with me. Its wrap-up is a little too silly for its own good but that aside, this thing is absolutely stuffed with some TRULY great gags! This is one of the best comedies of the year for me.

18. Host

I had been giving this the big ol' swerve because it sounded like unoriginal, overhyped pish frankly and... fuck it, if that hype isn't absolutely deserved: It's a lean, effective, scary incredibly enjoyable ride. Made all the more fascinating by the fact it was made remotely on a shoestring with the director apparently never being in the same room as his cast at any one time due to Covid restrictions.

NB: I could not find a GIF to represent Rob Savage’s Host sufficiently so here’s Jack Black doing a backyard pandemic dance instead... 

17. Sweetheart

What a crackin, lean, little horror thriller it is. It gets straight underway from its fade-up and never overcooks itself or leans hard on lazy exposition, silly character actions or bad deus ex machinas. Remember when Jonathan Mostow made BREAKDOWN and it felt like such a shot in the arm for the man-against-the-odds/standard thriller? This is like that - but for survival dramas and creature features! It commits fully to its high concept, helped along by a truly excellent performance by Kiersey Clemons and some really well-delivered set-pieces (that first flare scene is very well done!). If you watched Tom Hanks in CASTAWAY and thought to yourself "This film is great but what it really needs is a monster!" then this is definitely the film for you. And if you believe the rumours, it’s allegedly a sneaky Creature From The Black Lagoon redo for Blumhouse’s expanding ‘Monster Universe’ too.

16. Soul

I really connected with this. I like Inside Out a great deal but I’ve never understood why it's spoken of as a flawless masterpiece when it's overlong, tonally all over the place and has clunky as fuck casting. In the same breath, I don't understand why the reviews for this are so disparate. I thought it was a wonderful way to spend 100+ minutes. It was visually inventive, funny and inspiring. It doesn't quite seed its VERY deep otherworld-building foundations and Graham Norton doesn't really work in his role but overall I thought it was a delight. And, unlike Onwards, it really does lend itself to repeat visits.

15. Tenet

I had real trepidation about seeing this what with the reviews being all over the place but... well... Is it complete, barely comprehensible bunkum of the highest order? Yes. Could the film have benefited from Nolan letting his brother Jonathan have a pass at the script? Hell yes! Is it most definitely not the majestic masterpiece of masterpieces it thinks it is? Yup. Yet in spite of ALL that I had an absolute blast with it, I really did. If you give it a seconds thought it crumbles completely as the utter egotistical piffle it really is. But where it excels is in looking so gorgeous, being so kinetic and massive with its action and casting with actors who sell the shit out of a hokey script that you're so consumed with the spectacle you don't smell the bullshit until its over. Washington Jr has come out of nowhere these last few years to make me a big fan of his work - and Robert Pattinson has went from being an actor I couldn't fucking abide to being someone I now really rate and who I came away from watching this thinking "Yeah, that's your goddamn perfect James Bond right there!"

14. Da 5 Bloods

It works infinitely better as a 'men on a mission' action adventure shot through the off-kilter lens of a Spike Lee "joint" then it does as a searing commentary about race, war, etc. And that's probably why Spike's choice to include real war atrocity photos and documentary footage alongside the narrative doesn't land as successfully as he probably intended it to. But as an overall film, it's a genuinely great watch. Delroy Lindo has always been one of the greatest working actor. Here he perhaps delivers his ultimate masterclass. Regardless of whether awards season moves online or not, you cannot have any SERIOUS dialogue during it that doesn't have his performance heading the conversation. Ignore the dickheads online putting this in the same bubble as TROPIC THUNDER or DIE HARD (??). This is a wink and a nod to TREASURE OF THE SIERRA MADRE and APOCALYPSE NOW, through and through. It's big, bombastic, broad and unafraid to swing out in every direction. It's not flawless but that doesn't mean it's not fuckin ~great~!

13. His House

This very much stands as both one of the most impressive debuts and modern horror movies I’ve seen in quite some time. It's an effective, lean, interesting film that buries under your skin and takes up residency there. Go into it knowing as little as you possibly can and then let it scare the shit out of you and, in its reveals, kick the shit back into you.

12. Tread

I really, REALLY liked this. It's my favourite documentary film of this year - made by that fella who did the bonkers-bad killer dog in the warehouse movie with Adrian Brody, no less! It's an absolutely fascinating true story I knew nothing about, brilliantly intermingling talking heads, archival news footage, dramatic reconstruction and audio recordings. It'll really drop your jaw - it's most definitely one of those 'needs to be seen to be believed' type deals because if you described this to someone as having happened they'd never believe you!

11. Bacarau

No plot description really does this film justice and the less you know going in the better an experience you’ll have. It’s an odd, deeply violent, unsettling, darkly funny, bizarro confection of The Most Dangerous Game meets Assault on Precinct 13 and… well… even that doesn’t really do the film any justice whatsoever. It’s a critique of dire political circumstance mixed with political satire mixed with the tropes of the Western, the siege movie and both horror and comedy. It’s very much its own thing. And that’s what makes it so wonderous.

... and it’s sort of both wondrous AND weird that when searching for Bacarau related GIFs, this was the Brazilian offering I was given! I apologise.

10. Alone

I found this came out of nowhere to be one of my favourite films of the year; a crazily efficient, brutal B-movie without an inch of fat on it that works its propulsive and well-structured screenplay hard to make you feel like you're seeing a new variant on the "stalked woman in peril" film. John Hyams - son of Peter and the man who reconfigured the UNIVERSAL SOLDIER franchise to superb effect - has made one hell of an effective movie that beautifully captures the vastness of the Pacific Northwest: this is one part DUEL, one part FIRST BLOOD, all parts odes to everything from THE GREY, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE and the last third of THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. It's very easy to make films like this. But it's clearly hard to make them as great as Hyams has done here, otherwise everyone would be doing it. Maybe coz what those films don't have is lead performances as strong and brilliant as Jules Willcox and Marc Menchaca give here.

9. American Murder: The Family Next Door

This is an incredibly powerful true crime documentary on a horrific tragedy, in which Jenny Popplewell tightly and clinically weaves through police interviews, news coverage and Shanann Watts' phone, laptop and social media to weave a moving and ultimately devastating portrait of her and her children's death at the hands of one of the worst forms of evil I’ve ever been exposed to. This still haunts me to this day.

8. Greyhound

I was really impressed with this. A crisp, lean, tension-drenched watch with yet another rock solid Tom Hanks performance centring it. It strips back all the tropes of these war pictures - the character backstories about post-war hopes and dreams, the cutaways to the families back home, the subplots involving the villains - and keeps a propulsive commitment to just this situation, this boat and the people on it; who only talk to one another about the job they're doing. As a result, it's completely involving and committed with action set-pieces that are clean, tense and entertaining as hell. Genuinely had a great time watching this and highly recommend it.

7. #Alive

Whilst the TRAIN TO BUSAN sequel earned rightfully shakey reviews, think of this as an unofficial prequel / 'side-sequel'. It is a tight, disciplined thrill-ride that throws up some interesting spins on old zombie set-pieces (climbing zombie vs. toy drone, for example). It may well deflate as it heads to its denouement but all before it was strong and entertaining enough for it to stand as one of his favourite horrors from this year.

6. The Invisible Man

This started good... then got very good... then got quite frankly flat-out tremendous and then entered a final third flipping anyone the 'bird' who thought that the trailers gave too much away. There is some truly tremendous, inventive and not at all 'cheap' jump scares. In fact, the whole second act is nothing else BUT terrifically effective scare after scare. All bolstered by a REALLY committed lead performance by Elizabeth Moss. Between this and UPGRADE, Leigh Whannell has not only become seriously one to watch but he's possibly just outed himself as John Carpenter's one-true heir.

5. Lynn + Lucy

I was left completely broken by this - what a truly fantastic piece of British cinema; a dark, uncompromising morality play for the modern age with a truly jaw-dropping performance by Nicola Burley. And, Jesus Christ, what an unbelievable find Roxanne Scrimshaw is?? THIS is her acting debut? Holy SHITBALLS! It's harrowing stuff that'll really make you think.

4. Parasite

This really is absolutely ~everything~ people are claiming it to be and more too! It's an exquisite piece of work, in love with the art of spinning out a story, narrative layers, sociological parables and effortlessly terrific direction. It builds and builds in an utterly enthralling manner and then... the pressure valve pops, taking you down a whole other audacious avenue that'll have you giggling at the insanity but still completely hooked.

3. Uncut Gems

It’s alright been memed and GIF’d to death but that doesn’t change the fact that it really is an astounding film - it's completely exhausting and quite honestly one of the most anxiety-inducing films I’ve seen in a long, long time. Even on multiple go-arounds, I found myself screaming at the screen, begging Adam Sandler's character to just fucking STOP for five seconds and... and... it's inescapable as to the direction down in which it heads but it goes there at such a propulsive rate, it is actually scary. An absolutely astounding film - it's like a John Cassavetes film shot with the adrenaline drawn from a Michael Bay action movie... and believe every bit of the buzz: Adam Sandler is jaw-droppingly fucking excellent in this!

2. Wolf of Snow Hollow

I thought this was a complete delight. Once again Jim Cummings has taken a film 'type' you THINK you know and infused it with his own very specific sense of humour to give us something that's very much delightfully off-kilter. What's more, as a sophomore directing effort, Cummings deserves all the plaudits for the massive advancement: There's action scenes and scary set-pieces that are really first rate and are way more accomplished than what you'd expect from someone only on their second movie and have never worked in the horror genre before. Cummings is REALLY funny in the lead role too but it's Robert Forster's final performance that'll break your heart. He was a hard miss anyway but this very much drives home what a great guy we've lost.

1.     The Way Back

Gavin O'Connor has hit the trifecta with this, Miracle and Warrior on making a masterful sports drama and using it as a platform to 'say something' and draw a career best from a talented but under-appreciated actor (first Kurt Russell, then Nick Nolte and now Ben Affleck).

Affleck is astounding here. Fallible, real and pained. He's truly brilliant. There’s a realism to every movement he makes and every breath he exhales that only someone who has struggled with addiction will recognise. And around him is a deconstruction of the sporting underdog movie as we know it - it's only by the end that we truly realise that this has always been about the connections made through the game rather than the game itself.

Like with Warrior, you can go back and watch this umpteen times and find different strokes in the human and unspoken moments. If ever there was a secretly feel-good film for 2020 it is this – the movie that tells us that it doesn’t matter how hard or how far we fall, we are defined only by the moments in which we rise again.

And that’s that. See you all next year. Maybe ;) 

[arkhamcitysirens]

my thoughts on the batman and harley quinn movie

so i’ve just finished watching the latest dc animated movie, batman and harley quinn, and you’ve probably already heard it’s a pretty polarising movie. when it was over i didn’t really know how to feel. overall i’d say it wasn’t great and from a critical perspective it was absolutely awful, but personally i still enjoyed certain aspects... i made some notes???

the good

the animated series art style looked really nice here, especially since high definition has made it look a lot more refined and smooth (the coloring for harley’s shiny lipstick was one small thing that i thought looked super duper cool)

kevin conroy is, as always, a fantastic batman, and i also quite liked the new voice actress for ivy, paget brewster

the few jokes which are actually funny are REALLY funny- in particular, i loved the booster gold phone call scene and harley’s breakdown over the ‘veggie apocalypse’

harley’s characterisation is pretty decent, and i appreciated that she got to stand up for herself and show that she can be smart and strategic whilst also being ridiculous most of the time... she gets to complain about how she’s been treated before too and how oversexualised she often is, which is a nice touch, although it doesn’t really make sense in the context of this particular film where she’s oversexualised anyway

there are some nice character building moments for harley, like when she discusses how difficult it’s been for her to reform and ‘go straight’ because nobody actually wants to help her be better. i loved that the film took into consideration what life would actually be like if harley really did try to turn her life around.

the opening credits are absolutely ADORABLE and god i love them so much... they’re the best part of the entire film which is unfortunate but like they’re so good!!!

plenty of easter eggs pop up throughout the film, mostly related to the animated dc universe, which is cool for dedicated fans to see!

harley goes through a few awesome costume changes, including a new 52-style dress, a really cute coat with her hair in bunches, and the classic jester costume which looks great (except the collar looks a little off sometimes)- i was so happy to see the blonde pigtails back because they are SO GOOD

there’s no explicit mention of harlivy here (of course) but there’s also no joker whatsoever, except for one brilliant passing line where harley mentions the “only good thing I ever got from that asshat” was joker venom. also the ending features a very sweet reconciliation between harley and ivy that i thought was wonderful!

the bad

melissa rauch is... a truly awful harley quinn... she doesn’t make the role FUN. she says everything in a snarky, oversaturated, whiney brooklyn accent and she’s missing that sing-songy sound that makes harley HARLEY, so we’re left with a character who’s supposed to be the life of the party that instead just sounds permanently pissed

the animation looks BAD. characters don’t blink, and they usually don’t move unless they’re talking either, plus background characters are almost always motionless- when characters are moving, it looks stiff and awkward, and a lot worse than even the 90s show this film is paying tribute to, which is a real shame

as for the storyline, the btas episode ‘harlequinade’ did it so much better, and this is essentially a very drawn-out version of that plot line, replacing the villain of joker with poison ivy instead

there are a lot of issues with the tone of the movie- it jumps around from stupid, flamboyant comedy, to serious and mature, to choppy action movie. it doesn’t sit well in any genre or with any audience. i think dc tried to please every type of batman/harley fan here and it results in a serious mishmash that i don’t think really pleases anybody.

the film is super short, clocking in at barely seventy minutes, and yet it’s still jam packed with filler content. i recall one bizarrely long segment where random people off the street were asked of harley’s whereabouts, all giving fairly generic replies and all saying “no”, and this scene went for at least an entire minute

most of the humour is frankly unfunny. i’m jotting down the worst line in the whole movie as the line “it’s not bad... smells like discipline”, spoken by batman when harley farts. it’s childish humour which doesn’t even make sense- an extended scene where harley farts! that’s the entire joke! it’s stupid and pathetic, and it makes it even more polarising when one minute the humour is bathroom jokes for toddlers, then the next it’s crass comedy about how nightwing got a boner. yep, that’s another joke that actually happens.

nightwing and harley sleep together and it’s not exactly non-consensual, but it also didn’t come off as a very positive thing ever because nightwing kind of agreed but not really and it just wasn’t great and also it’s just classic bruce timm again feeling the need to make random characters from your childhood have sex so he can get himself off i guess

even though harley gets to talk about how guys are always taking advantage of her body, which is cool, this movie pulls out all the stops on oversexualising her anyway! think many, MANY shots of her ass, plenty of focus on the fact she does in fact have boobs, and of course bruce timm’s insistence that she randomly straddle nightwing so they can have sex

swamp thing appears at the end and i felt like i was missing a big joke the entire time. was this a reference to something? was it some kind of humour i didn’t understand? honestly, i just think it was supposed to be funny that he appeared out of the blue, but it wasn’t?

the strange and uncertain

harley sings ‘hanging on the telephone’ by blondie? for no apparent reason? it’s clearly filler, and it sounds fucking awful (thanks melissa rauch), but somehow i still thought it was kinda cool even though it felt extremely out of place and really served... no purpose whatsoever

actually most of the bar scene is really weird, harley gets her random musical number but so do some other c-grade villains from other dc shows you’ll spot if you’re a huge fan of the animated universe, it’s filler again but i think people will appreciate the little easter eggs in what is mostly an okay, fun scene

harley works at ‘superbabes’, which is pretty much the dc universe equivalent of hooters but instead the waitresses all dress up skimpily like female superheroes... at first i thought that was just more bruce timm bullshit but when they delved into WHY harley couldn’t get a decent job, i appreciated this scene a lot more

i don’t know how to feel about ivy’s overall characterisation in this because she was very restricted by jason woodrue, and she also had SERIOUS punch up with her GIRLFRIEND hhh... but the fight was justified i guess and the resolution is really nice... i’m very torn over ivy’s portrayal really and i think it’s something everyone will react to differently (she did use a lot of language i don’t think pam would use e/g i can’t imagine her saying ‘crap’ and ‘we’re screwed’ but she does anyway... not sure why but it just really doesn’t sound right for her?)

loren lester is supposed to be the Iconic nightwing but he sounds stupid in comparison to melissa rauch as harley, especially since his voice takes you back to the 90s and most of this film is fairly rooted in the now. i love that this movie is such a throwback to btas but in this case, i’m not sure loren lester was the best fit

the ending is extremely abrupt and mostly played for laughs, which a lot of people don’t like, but i actually didn’t mind it? i thought it was really funny and cute and a pretty fair resolution to the problem (basically harley just suggests they take the easy way out and set the Floronic Man on fire, because hey, he’s made out of leaves right?) the aftercredits scene was the bigger problem imo because it had no connection to anything in the film, wasn’t all that funny and didn’t seem to have any purpose (although i could say that about most of this movie tbh)

ultimately for some reason i still enjoyed this movie, and i’d probably watch it again, but it had a lot of issues and i wish it could have been the movie harley deserves. also i never want to hear melissa rauch as harley again. if you’re a big harley fan, i’d recommend giving this a watch, because there are some cool moments, but otherwise, give it a miss.