#formatting and commas those are my two big things

[uwuyangeppie]

hello! can you please do gepard spanking (name) as a punishment, i don’t have a clue whether you do nsfw or not but it doesn’t have to be!! thank you! hope ya have a nice night/morning/evening. :3

i don’t think this is nsfw, but it’s my first time writing spanking so i could be wrong (let me know if it is). anyway i think it turned out alright in the end…

cw: non-consensual spanking (please let me know if there's any other warnings i should add!)

you are terrified.

you can’t help it. you imagine this is what it’s like for every kidnapping victim, although you can’t say for sure if you’ve met any others. gepard has been nothing but nice to you, but the fact remains that nobody knows where you are and he has no intentions of letting you out.

he was quite forward in telling you all this on the day you woke up, which was…

you don’t know how long it’s been. you’ve lost count. definitely more than a week, at least? you’re only allowed out of your “room” (the basement) when he’s home, and it’s quite hard to get a grasp on how much time is passing when you barely get a chance to look out the window.

there’s a very real chance that he’s doing that on purpose.

as kind as he is, it’s a miracle that you can trust him at all (even if it’s just a drop in an empty bucket). if the captain of the silvermane guards can break the law so easily, then you have no idea what’s in store for you, no matter what he spews out.

today, he says he’s coming home late. how late is late? you ask, feigning interest, sensing an opportunity. after all, he never ties you up, worried about your wrists. it’s only ever the door that gets locked.

“probably… hmm, maybe an hour later than normal? i’ll cook a bigger dinner tonight to make up for my absence. i promise it’ll be worth it.” he kisses the top of your head before he leaves- and you almost immediately start trying to break down that damn door once he’s gone.

and you succeed. the fresh air is like a slice of heaven. you never thought you’d be so grateful for something so simple. still, your first goal is to run, run, run, to hide, to tell someone, anyone, everyone what happened to you.

and you do run.

"darling, i'm disappointed. to think i was even going to let you out of the house."

…right into gepard’s chest.

you stare up at him. he was going to let you out…? you didn’t need to go to all this effort…? you- you ruined your chance at freedom with your own two hands?

gepard guides you back to his house, away from prying eyes, apparently done with his work. ah, maybe you’re more important to him than a couple of meetings. in the end, you never did get that far. despair starts to settle in your heart.

he briefly examines the state of your room, but doesn’t say a word about it. you decide to stay quiet about it too.

"i suppose i should nip this in the bud before it becomes a habit for you."

back upstairs, it’s all you can do but tilt your head in confusion. even when he pulls out a chair, your mind doesn’t connect the dots. after all, gepard’s been nothing but nice.

it only begins to click when he bends you over his knee and pulls down your pants with ease. you’re getting punished.

“remember,” he says, voice stern, “this is your fault.”

his hands are rough from the years and the nature of his work. to be honest though, you don’t even notice. you’re too fixated on the sting of your ass. the reality of your situation starts to sink in, and you suddenly feel very vulnerable.

perhaps he notices this. “your fault,” he croons, like this repetition makes a difference to you. he does not tell you to count to a number like some of your other friends have talked about, and you get the awful feeling that he’s going to spank you until he feels like it’s enough.

the next one is harder, in the same spot as the first. you yelp, but for better or for worse, he doesn't react. they gradually get faster and faster, each in the same spot with the precision that only the captain of the silvermane guards could manage. even though you haven’t been asked to count, you lose track of them quickly, just like you’ve lost track of everything else.

“i’m sorry,” you sob, the pain too much for you. “i’m sorry, gepard!”

you're trembling. this experience has well and truly uprooted everything else you thought you knew about gepard, with your cheeks stained with tears, hands gripping the chair legs, and gaze glued to the ground. you brace yourself, waiting for the next hit. it doesn’t come.

“sorry for what?”

“i shoul- should’ve stayed here,” you hiccup. “i never should have left.”

silence. he’s waiting for you to continue. you don’t dare try to pull yourself off his lap, although you’re not sure you have the strength for that anyway.

“i’ll never ru- leave again,” you whimper, tears still streaming down your face. it hurts. it hurts. please don’t start again.

“that’s what i like to hear.” effortlessly, he pulls you up into a sitting position. it only worsens the pain, but when you finally meet his eyes, they’re filled with the same warmth that you’ve always known them to have. your uncertainty about what lies beneath, though, taints them.

"don't cry, darling. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to be so rough." is that really true, though? he leans in to kiss your tears away, and you reflexively lurch back, anxiety temporarily snatching control of your body.

something flickers across his face, but it's gone in an instant. he makes a noise that sounds a lot like "hmmm". now that fear’s holding the reins, though, you don’t notice. you’re too busy scrambling off his lap and pulling up your pants again, still in quite a bit of pain.

after a little bit of thinking, gepard stands up and brushes himself off. it’s almost time to make dinner. you probably won't try to run off again any time soon, especially not after his little lie about how he was planning on letting you out of the house. still, he should probably say something to remind you where you belong.

“oh, you destroyed your door, didn’t you? well, i suppose you’ll just have to sleep with me tonight.”

[bloody-wonder]

Until now, have you found any couple (canon or non canon) from any media (books, tv series, movies, anime/manga, etc) that the dynamics remind you of Neil/Andrew and Damen/Laurent?

if you're looking for dynamics specifically (as opposed to a full romance arc) the lymond chronicles, the queen's thief and empire of the vampire will scratch that damen/laurent itch.

it's common knowledge, at least in my niche circles, that cs pacat is a big fan of dorothy dunnett's work, that laurent is based on lymond and that his relationship with damen (down to specific scenes) was inspired by lymond's numerous boytoys. so reading the lymond chronicles after captive prince is constantly going aha! *leonardo dicaprio pointing meme*. what these books however don't have is a full romance arc with any of those men which is why you could say capri is, in a sense, a slash fic of the lymond chronicles. it's my favorite series of all time and i can't recommend it enough but it's also rather inaccessible in the beginning and has a steep learning curve - quite a commintment of your time and brain energy but so SO worth it!

the queen's thief is another series heavily inspired by the lymond chronicles and it has multiple ships that reminded me of damen/laurent: gen's love interest is very much a cast iron bitch and they do engage in an intense enemies to lovers romance, with some casualties. costis and kamet's story in thick as thieves is basically if the side quests laurent and damen went on were a whole separate book. and while not a canon romance like the previous two, whatever gen and costis have going on in the king of attolia is very reminiscent of the laurent/damen dynamic in book one (minus the slavery). two things to keep in mind if you decide to pick up the queen's thief: it's sort of ya (??) so the brutality and sexiness, while present, will not be on the same level as capri. and book one doesn't feature any of the above ships so, again, you gotta commit to the whole thing :)

now, while these two recs seem like no-brainers to me, i'm very excited to take this opportunity to yell about empire of the vampire from the rooftops AGAIN!! eotv is basically a story about epic quests and valiant deeds told by a jaded captive vampire hunter to his cunty vampire captor (who is blonde bc yes). jean françois is definitely inspired by anne rice's lestat (as the narrative format as a whole is inspired by interview with the vampire) but his dynamic with gabriel is just Peak Laurent/Damen Banter. "i speak your language better than you speak mine, sweetheart" and "hello, lover" galore! in fact, after i found out that pacat and jay kristoff know each other personally i became convinced that he had either read capri and borrowed the vibe OR *starts rambling about her conspiracy theory about how all australian fantasy authors drink secret australian magic juice that makes them write fun depraved sff, gets smacked on the head, passes out* where was i... ah yes, nasty gay vampires. eotv is very fun and very tropey, also very queer and sexy (esp book two) and it had my toxic yaoi needs covered however comma. jean françois/gabriel is basically them sitting in a room in the frame narrative and exchanging homoerotic barbs, while the story itself is about gabriel's past adventures (also very interesting but less homoerotic). it's unlikely that they're gonna have any sort of romance arc - unless someone reads the books and writes a fic of them. please.

alas, i still can't rec anything that comes close to what nora achieved with andreil. to me, the defining characteristics of their dynamic are two feral cats circling and sniffing each other, intricate rituals, overdramatic dialogue, aspec attraction (on neil's part). while one can attempt to find some of these elements in other stories, you cannot find all of them at once (aspec pov on relationships being particularly rare in fiction). there's just no other couple that manages to strike a perfect balance between the anime levels of drama and chaos on the one hand and the serious themes of trauma, acceptance, consent etc on the other hand. sorry, anon, ig we'll have to keep re-reading aftg until one of the aspiring authors i bet this fandom has a lot of writes their own book inspired by andreil🤷‍♀️

[queenofbaws]

For the behind-the-scenes fic asks, could I get 12, 24, and 25 for The Almosts pretty please? I'm so insanely curious

heheheh aw man, any chance i get to rant and rave about t(a), you KNOW i'm gonna take it!! ;)c

12. Was there a scene you wished you could have included? Why didn't it fit in?

mmmmmmmmm this one's tricky. i wouldn't say there were any scenes that i wished hadn't ended up on the cutting room floor in the end (as the wordcount will attest, pffffft), but there are definitely some that i had sort of imagined going differently when first planning/setting about writing, and that ended up significantly different when all was said and done.

the two that come most readily to mind are: (1) the whole reason i had sam's dad scott be an er nurse was because i fully intended on him being the one letting her know about josh's hospitalization, and then there being a very, very awkward confrontation with chris about it later; and (2) the fight in ch17 was actually going to be, uhhhhhh worse, hahahaha. in the end, i decided i wasn't really feeling the direction of those decisions, and so ended up changing them. i for sure wouldn't say i regret that, though, or that i wish i'd stuck with my original plan, but i do think they could've changed the overall vibe of the story significantly.

EDIT: I AM A FOOL! THERE WAS A SCENE I WISH I COULD'VE INCLUDED, AND THAT WAS SAM AND ASHLEY GOING FULL PARENT TRAP ON THEIR PARENTS TO GET THEM TO DATE SDKLFJLKSJDFKLJSDF hahahaha, not exactly an important part of the story, nor a necessary one, but........i had plans for scott giddings and jamie brown, oh yes i did. oh yes i did. hehe.

24. Did you write every scene in order? What was the first scene you wrote, and what was the last?

god no, oh jesus, oh no. nonononono. i am like, pathologically incapable of writing things in order. i WISH i had that sort of discipline, my gosh. hilariously, the first scene i wrote was...well, okay, yeah, the first scene of the fic!!! hannah and sam having a little chat before The Big Party, but after that, all bets were off, babyyyyyyyyy. i jumped around.....everywhere, and the one thing i remember most about writing t(a) is that i was, at ALL times, actively working on 3 chapters. nightmarish. don't recommend it. absolutely the only way i found i could get my brain to work XD the last scene i wrote.....man, was josh and hill in that last session. everything after that had already been written, it was all set in stone, but that last session, man...that one took me.......a long time to write, hahaha.

25. Is there anything you would change now about this fic? Why or why not?

so, here's the thing. i feel like it's really easy to look back on an artistic endeavor and pick out all the stuff you don't dig about the final result. i have, in all honesty, not gone back and FULLY reread t(a) start-to-finish since finishing it BECAUSE of that. i am positive that if i really sat down and looked at it with a magnifying glass, yeah, there are some things i'd change - pieces i'd get rid of, segments i'd rework, commas i would delete by the dozens.................

but at the end of the day, t(a) is, was, and always will be my baby, something that not only served as my first step into the ud fandom, but something that introduced me to so many AMAZING people - writers and artists and readers and editors and gifmakers and not-so-silent lurkers all - and so looking at it and thinking about the things i'd change doesn't really occur to me. it is what it is, and i'm very happy to leave it as is :) <3

that being said, i would've loved to format some of the...stuff in the ending where they (starve) in a more house of leaves sort of way, but ao3 proved pretty tricky for that, alas!

behind-the-scenes fic asks!

[krakenartificer]

When I got my ADHD diagnosis, I looked at the questions on the screening form and thought, "If this result comes back positive, then I'm definitely not the only person in my family who has it." Questions like

"Have difficulty finishing one activity before starting another one" and

"I finish others' sentences before they can finish it themselves" and

"have trouble staying on one topic when talking"

...I thought were just weird quirks of my family, but no. When I got my results, I contacted my cousin, and she contacted her sisters and mother, and .. .. yeah. Basically everyone in my dad's side of the family is ADHD.

Now there are some problems with that, obviously, (getting family reunions to stick to a schedule is lol no) but there are some really fantastic perks. For one thing, no one in that family minds if I interrupt them while they're talking ... everyone's happy to keep 3 conversations going at the same time .... and no one minds if you fidget constantly.

But the best perk -- at least that I've found so far -- is that all of our parents have coping mechanisms, and passed them on to us. When I found myself unable to handle tasks with more than one step, my father didn't say "WTF are you talking about? It's easy! Just do the thing! Stop being lazy!" No, he could relate completely, and he sat down and taught me how to handle that.

So today, I'm going to pass on to you the coping mechanism my dad taught me for handling the "cannot put tasks in order / cannot get started / forget what I'm doing" problem. You'll need to adjust it for your own needs and your own struggles, but hopefully it'll be helpful in setting up your own process.

I'm going to walk through it with a big project I'm doing at work, just to have a concrete example. That will make some of the discussion specific to computer programming and technical writing, but I do the same thing for all my projects, so hopefully it'll be generalizable.

So to set the stage:

I was supposed to modify this piece of code -- we'll call it "Rosetta" -- to make it handle call data as well as what it was already doing. I did that.... but we now need the code to be able to handle calls (if that's wanted) but also to be able to handle NOT having calls (if THAT'S wanted).

Which is just .... ugh. So much. SOOOOOOOO much.

So. Break it down.

Step one is to get some recording mechanism - pen and paper, whiteboard, blank computer document, whatever

(Technically, this is a different coping strategy, so we'll just take a quick detour: WRITE THINGS DOWN. Your brain is shit at remembering things, and anyway you've already got limits on your working memory; why would you choose to tie up some of that limited resource in something that could be accomplished with literal stone-age technology? Don't even try to remember things. WRITE THEM DOWN.)

I like sticky notes: they're readily available in all offices, they're pretty cheap, and (most importantly) they can be rearranged if it turns out that I forgot a step or put the steps in the wrong order (which, like, let's be honest, I am definitely going to do). But they kill trees and create unnecessary methane emissions, so I've recently switched over to using virtual sticky notes. That's the format I'm going to use for this example, but you can use anything that meets your purposes.

So, you've got something to write with, you're ready to start.

The first question is: what are you trying to accomplish here? What would "done" look like? What is our goal?

I need to end up with a version of Rosetta that will make the correct results if you don't want calls, and will also make the correct results if you do.

The goal here is that you end up with a statement that you can definitively say (a) Yes this is what I wanted or (b)No this is not right because _______

In this case, in order to do that, I'll need to define "correct results" for both call- and non-call versions. But if I have that nailed down, then this statement meets that criterion: I'll be able to say "Yes, this is what I wanted: see, it makes the correct result for calls, and it makes the correct result for not-calls". Or else I'll be able to say, "No, this is wrong: see, it makes the correct result for calls, but on not-calls it does X and we wanted Y."

I have a clear, definitive standard about what I need to do and whether or not I've done it.

But there was a prerequisite there: I need to define "correct results".

So that goes on a sticky note: Create test that will compare my results to existing call!Rosetta-results and to existing not-call!Rosetta-results.

[ID: Two blue boxes, one on top of the other. The top one says in white text "Create test to compare my results to call!results" The bottom one says "Create test to compare my results to not-call!results"] OK. So now we know what we want. The second question is: what do we need to do in order to get that? Here's where the sticky-note recording system really shines, because you don't have to answer this question sequentially. You just start writing down every single thing that is not the way you want it to end up.

I need it to remove commas in the python script, not the bash script

I need to delete the first part of the get_runs() function, which doesn't do anything

I need to delete the rest of the parameters passed to build_query_script() function, because runs encompasses all the others

while we're on that subject, runs doesn't even need the group_variable, so let's pull that out of the parameter document

we also have a dmf defined, which the bash script demands but doesn't use; let's change that demand

since we're changing the structure of the parameter document, we don't need to pull new metrics for each run, so let's move that outside of the runs() loop and only run once

right now the parameter document is ALMOST but not quite "one row per template". Make it so it's actually one row per template.

among other things, that's going to require making it possible for a template to be followed by nothing at all, since it's the assumption that a template will have a metrics block after it that makes it not quite one row per template. So make it possible to publish a template with a null block

the other thing that's weirdly hard-coded is the definition of what a block looks like. Would it make more sense to separate that out into an input file, like the parameters document? On the one hand, that would make it much more flexible; on the other hand, that's another piece that can break. Don't know. Put a question mark on it.

etc

Here's what it looks like at the end of this step:

[ID: A black and white background showing many boxes in two different shades of blue, all with white text. Some of the boxes are overlapping each other.]

As you can see, at this phase you don't need to worry about any of the following:

ordering the tasks. Just stick 'em right on top of each other for now

how you're going to do any of this. Right now we just need to know what, not how

sticking to only one project. As I was working on this, it occurred to me that this whole process would have been a heck of a lot easier if someone had just made a user manual for this, and since I have to go through all the code line-by-line anyway, I might as well write up the documentation while I'm at it. (To help out future-me, if nothing else.) So I put those tasks on another color of sticky note.

making notes that make any ***ing sense to anyone else. This process is for you, and only you need to understand what you're talking about it. Phrase it in ways that make sense to your brain, and to hell with anyone else.

on that topic, also don't worry about making steps that are "too small" or "too dumb" to write down. This is for you. If "save document" feels like a step to you, then write it down.

You also don't need to get every single step involved in the project right now. Get as many as you can, to be sure, but the process is designed on the assumption that you ARE going to forget important steps, and is designed to handle that.

When you can't think of any more steps, then the third question is: what order does it make sense to do these in? Are there any steps that would be easier if you did another step first? Are there any that literally cannot be done unless another step is complete?

This is also a good place to group steps if they fit together nicely. When I used physical sticky notes, I used two different sizes; digitally I can of course make them whatever size I want.

So I have several documentation steps that (a) do need to be written to make sense to other people and (b) I really need to know what's going on before I can do that. I could write them now, but if I did, I'd just end up re-writing them based on things that change as I'm coding. So we'll move those to the end:

[ID: Three dark blue boxes with white text. They read "Create step-by-step instructions for creating your own metric agg", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a metric", "Create step-by-step instructions for modifying a query."]

These parts, though -- if I had all the variable structures written down, I could look at them while I'm coding. Then I won't have to keep scrolling back and forth in the code, trying to remember if it's an array or a dictionary while also trying to remember what part of the code I was working on. Brilliant. Move that to the front.

[ID: Seven dark blue boxes with white text, three large, four small. The first one is large and says "Write up explanation of how Rosetta works." The second one is large and says "Document structure of all variables." Attached to that one are four smaller boxes that say "All_blocks", "Runs", "metric", "New_block". The third large one says "Document what qb_parameters.csv contains"]

Also, while I'm at it, I should get the list of variables I need to document -- then I won't have to keep scrolling to find them. Make those sub-steps.

I definitely keep needing to look up what's in the parameters document, so I should write that down, too. For the user manual I also should write down what's in the metric document, but I don't need that for myself, so I can send that to the end.

[ID: The same three dark blue boxes from two screenshots ago (create step-by-step instructions for metric agg, modifying a metric, and modifying a query), now with another dark blue box in front of them with white text that says "Document what granular_metrics.tsv contains."]

These five are all small steps, and are all related in that they don't actually (hopefully) change the functionality of the code; they're just stuff left over from prior versions of this code. So we can lump them all together.

[ID: Five light blue boxes with white text that say "Delete first part of get_runs()", "Have build_query_script only receive the "run" parameter" "Delete dmf" "Move metrics=get_metrics() outside build_all_blocks (all the way up to the top level?" "Delete group_variable from qp_parameters"]

My brain likes this better, so that I can keep track of fewer "main steps", but that's just a peculiarity of me -- you should lump and split however you prefer to make this process easier for you.

[ID: The same five boxes from the prior screenshot, now all made smaller and attached to a larger box that says "Remove Legacy Code"]

Keep going, step by step, sticky by sticky, until you've got them in order. If -- while you're doing this -- you remember another thing you need to do, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile; you don't have to stop what you're doing to deal with it, because it's written down and it's on the pile and it will get processed; you can just keep working on the thing you're on right now.

[ID: All the same boxes from the first screenshot, now in a neat row. Some of the original boxes have been grouped together. The ones that were said to be at the beginning of the process are on the left and the ones that were said to be at the end are on the right.]

Step four: for the love of all that's holy, SAVE THIS LIST.

Write it on your cubicle whiteboard where it won't be erased

write it on a piece of paper and tape it to the office wall

send an email to yourself

take a picture with your phone

I don't care but save it.

When I used physical sticky notes, I kept them all on the hood of my cubicle's shelf. Now, as you can see, I use Powerpoint, which is irritating af but does allow me to keep everything in a single document, which I can write down the path of.

[ID: White text on a black background says "open ~/Documents/Rosetta\ Modifications\ and \Documentation.pptx" The next line says "Notes in Rocketbook pg 10-12, 16" The next line says "Turn that into documentation that can be used for making modifications."]

And now (finally) you can answer the question "How would I even get started on that?" You look at the first thing on the list, and you treat it as its own project. You can hyperfocus on this step and completely forget about everything else this project requires, because everything you need to remember for the rest of it is written down.

If, as you're working a step, you think of something else you need to do for the big project, write it on a sticky and slap it on the pile. Don't even worry about trying to order it or identify sub-steps; as long as it's not blocking the thing you need to work on right now, you don't have to care. Just stick that bugger anywhere at all on the list, and go back to what you were doing. When you un-hyperfocus and come back to look at your list, there'll be a big sticky note stuck sideways across all the rest of the steps, and you'll remember to file and order it then.

Other benefits of this system

1) The first question really helps with unclear directions from your boss. You can take whatever they told you to do, and translate it into a requirement that is clearly either met or not-met, and then run it back by the boss.

If they say, "No, no, we want ______" then phew! You just saved a huge miscommunication and weeks of wasted work! What a good employee you are! What an excellent team player with strong communication skills!

If they say "Yes, that's what I want," then you know -- for sure -- what it is you're trying to accomplish. Your anxiety is reduced, and your boss thinks you're super-conscientious.

(And if your boss is a jerk who likes to move the goalposts and blame it on their subordinates, then have this conversation over email, so you can show it to their boss or to HR should it become necessary.)

2) Having this project map means that when you spend an hour staring at the requirements and trying to figure out how to get started (which, let's be honest, you were definitely going to do anyway) ... When your boss/coworker comes by and says, "How's it going?" Instead of having to say "I haven't even started 😞" You can say, "Pretty well! I've got all the steps mapped out and am getting ready to start on implementation!" and show them your list, and they think you're very organized and meticulous. 3) Sometimes, especially in corporate jobs, you and your coworkers will run into a problem that's too big for even Neurotypicals to hold all in their heads. At that point, the NTs will be completely lost -- they've never had to develop a way to handle projects they can't just look at and know how to get started. So then you pipe up in the meeting and say, "OK, well, what exactly are we trying to accomplish?" and everybody at the conference table looks at you like you're a goddamned genius and you don't have to tell them that you use this exact same process to remember how to make a sandwich 😅

4) Having this project map makes it so much easier to stop work and then start it up again later, but this post is already really really really long, so I'm going to address that in a separate (really really long) post.

[human-sweater-vest]

okay! I listened to in strange woods for the first time two days ago and I've had the album on repeat since then and here's my takes on the songs:

ballad of the strange woods- 8/10 idk man, something about this just scratches an itch in my brain I didn't know I even had. the end is very sexy in it's dramatic stop. also I love brett rhyback's voice so instant points. bonus points for being a solo and in my range so I can sing along with the most ease.

come and find me- 6/10 the storytelling slaps, it made me tear up the first time I listened to it after finishing the podcast.

a man who cannot be saved- 4/10 two words: patrick. page. the first time I heard it I got super excited because I forgot he was in the pod and I love his voice so much! however comma, this song is just sorta ehh in comparison to the others.

shatter- 7/10 the training montage song of the album. something about songs like that (ex. I'll make a man out of you) just slap so hard. the vocals are sick.

something so pure- 7/10 five words: patrick page and lauren shippen! oh my god their vocals together,,, guys she sounded so good I'm literally in love. also the instrumental parts of the song are just *chefs kiss*

irene after dentist- 2/10 mmm it's a super fun song and great for storytelling and in the context of the musical but after the first few listen throughs, I started skipping it.

dead reckoning- 8/10 oh my god the staggered layering of the voices is the sexiest thing ever I love it. my inner choir kid was rioting when I first heard it. also the duet between peregrine and her mom is beautiful.

alone- 7.5/10 ahh a good dark night of the soul ballad. good stuff, man.

always gonna pay- 7/10 a whole bop! made me think about a character in my play which made me happy (even though he's a total jerk)

I know this girl- 3/10 eh. cool scene, I just don't vibe with this song as much as I did the first few listens through.

the man I remember- 8/10 beth leavel's voice is incredible and no I will not be taking comments at this time. all of her songs are incredible. I've been humming it around the house and having a grand old time.

there's nothing like a war- 9.5/10 Bang! Kaboom! there's nothing like this song! this! this! this is how you do backstory in song format while keeping it fun!

in the dark with him- 9.5/10 the best duet in the show. I loved howl a a character and I was so scared about/by him this episode and this song totally encapsulated those feelings. I lose my mind every time I hear the dissonance of the lines bound in a blanket of soothing despair/bound in a blanket of blinding despair. I'm plotting to sing this with a friend because it's one of their favorite songs on the album too.

in a clearing- 10/10 big, big pasek and paul vibes on this one. it's my favorite song in the show purely for the fact that it sums up the idea of sadness feeling comfortable after a while because happiness is temporary and losing it hurts more than sitting in your pain.

come and find me (reprise)- 6/10 I love me a good mom/kid duet. very cute and made me very happy to hear for the first time. a good way to wrap up the show.

[bereft-of-frogs]

Doctor Strange, Antman and the Wasp, Avengers Infinity War and Loki

I hope those are not too many :-)

not at all!

doctor strange - describe the process that leads up to publishing your fics. do you outline the whole thing? obsessively edit it? create moodboards?

It definitely depends! There are like 3 tiers:

- most complicated: aka multiple outlines/drafts - ex. ‘alone amidst the ruins’. For big complicated things I like making multiple outlines, usually one ‘conversational’ one right at the top of the document where I in paragraph form explain the plot like I’m explaining the plot to a friend, then a point-by-point plot outline (like A. Prologue....i. scene one...B. Chapter One...i. scene one...ii. scene two....), then a ‘worst’ draft, and a second/final draft. I usually do all the prep work and the first draft in Scrivener, and then the second draft back in Pages

- medium: similar to the first, except it’s all in Pages, the ‘point-by-point plot outline’ is in [brackets] right in the document. This is the most common.

- easiest: I usually just like....have the idea, write the idea, for the short fics (and also the not-so-short but kind of scary ones where I’m like ‘hm idea’ and then like 12 hours later I have 6k words and am like....’uhhh ok thanks brain u ok?’. ex. ‘the sleepwalkers’ iirc...haven’t had one of those in a while, I miss them). I’ll often write it out of order, starting with the most vivid scenes and then going back and filling in plot-necessary info

For all fics, I usually just reread a few times (until it gets to the point where I’m like ‘oh no it’s boring’), then format for AO3 in the google doc script thing, but even then I usually still have to go through and fix italics but that’s okay because the change in font usually makes random typos start to stand out, then I turn on Grammarly for a last typo pass (lol or really, let’s be real, rethinking some of those commas pass...) and then post! and run away. XD

I don’t really make moodboards...I do often research stuff while brainstorming/while the idea is percolating. A few I have actually read nonfiction books for inspiration (’alone amidst the ruins’, the medieval-ish fantasy AU). I do feel like I need a new way to get inspired for a couple fics I’m feeling like are sort of slogs/I’m stuck, maybe I’ll consider moodboards. Or playlists.

I don’t know, for people who do make moodboards or other creative inspiration for fics, any advice?

ant-man and the wasp - what’s your favorite type of comment to recieve?

I mean here’s where I should say ‘all comments’ because technically yes, all comments, even just short ones, but yes the best comments are the long ones with yelling and where you can tell the reader was really engaged. I’m most likely to respond to those because, that one post going around is true, honestly it’s not about just getting comments, I mostly just want to yell about my fics. XD (I’m sorry if I haven’t responded - there’s one in particular right now in my inbox I’ve been meaning to respond to for like...several weeks, maybe I’ll do that when I get back from my run.)

avengers: infinity war - do you have any fanfic recs?

I glanced through my bookmarks which are a mess but you can trawl through there. I usually respond with ‘he’s been dead for years’ because I still think it’s one of the best concept+executions of a fic I’ve ever seen (and also #calledout it is sooo accurate when I first read it I had to check whether or not it was roleplaying). And also unironically whenever someone asks me about depictions of death/funerals in media, internally I think ‘**sob** jacob and esau say their goodbyes’ before out-loud saying something about like...The Haunting of Hill House or whatever XD

loki - what’s the most outlandish (or it could just be your favorite) au you’ve ever read/wanted to write/thought of?

Hmmm. I don’t usually do big AUs unless there’s a reason for it, which is how I ended up with the “all-human AU” **cough** of dark underground//violent sky, I guess the medieval-ish fantasy AU is the most dramatic I’ve ever written. I’m honestly a bigger fan of dramatic canon divergence AUs. I would like to finish my ‘Loki wins Avengers 1′ AU one day, or the Sam/Bucky apocalypse AU (where the other set of people get snapped) but inspiration has currently stalled, I’m trying to be patient with it. :-)

[mcu asks]

[maybelinefox]

Sorry! I've been at work all day and didn't expect you to respond so fast! Sorry it took so long for me to get to! But hey I actually really liked it!

So I did find like two or three spelling errors, but your biggest issue is punctuation. There were a couple places where a sentence was too long and had too many parts and it would have been best if you made it two sentences, either because of the wording used so it would have flowed better, or just because it was too long and gave no relief. But that only happened here and there and didn't really hinder the storytelling too much.

All in all, your writing style is actually very similar to mine. You're very descriptive, and the flow was great. Very well thought out. I always love a slow revelation of the details of characters and happenings. And describing certain surroundings as if they were normal even if they aren't in this world was a nice touch, making it obvious that we're reading this from the pov of a character in this world, to whom these things WOULD be normal. It helps the immersion. I was immersed. The transition into the dream was nice too.

All I can really say as a negative is that punctuation. I know you said not to go for the minor stuff, but run-on sentences are, in fact, a crime, and can become a problem to the overall story if they continue. It's distracting, mainly, and messes with the flow. You didn't have real run-on sentences so much as sentences that lasted too long and had too many parts. This wasn't a major issue, and the majority of the punctuation errors were an extra or missing comma in a couple areas, but it was still something that distracted me on the occasions I did see it.

For example:

"The branches of the big blueish green tree hung down over the land and stole the sunlight from anything that even attempted to grow underneath it, the leaves were large and soft as he pushed himself past the branches, now shoving the wagon in front of him."

When moving on with the sentence towards the leaves, it feels like that should be a separate sentence. By that point I've been given an already large amount of detail on the tree and am being thrown more detail both about the tree and about Nefil at a point I feel I should get a break. That's what punctuation is. Momentary breaks, so everything isn't running together and you can absorb the information that's just been given. Even a comma accomplishes this by slowing a sentence down. This is why it's important to the flow of the story. (I'm not trying to say you don't already know this, I'm merely emphasizing my point, so sorry if it came across that way.)

This sentence would be better read with a couple words switches and a period in the middle:

"The branches of the big blueish green tree hung down over the land, the large, soft leaves stealing the sunlight from anything that even attempted to grow underneath it. He pushed himself past the branches, now shoving the wagon in front of him."

This does make the new sentence short and boring, but you can counter that by adding the next sentence to it with a slight word change to fit the new sentence format:

"He pushed himself past the branches, now shoving the wagon in front of him as those branches caught at his hair uncomfortably, since he was still a little to tall to make it under them."

Or you can just leave the smaller sentence as it is. It's ok to have a tiny, non-descriptive sentence here and there. It can act like a break as well if done correctly.

I'm not gonna tell you not to have too much description. That's a critique that's been given to many writers, Tolkien included. And to that I say, "you people are boring and entirely un-creative." If you do description and details right, it can't be overdone. Many people read to be immersed in the story and feel like they're actually there. So why not explain where they are and what they're doing so they can imagine it properly for themselves. You just need to do it right. Keep the flow, don't add too much to a sentence, and don't be afraid to give a good break here and there so the reader isn't overloaded with all the information they're being given. Give them as much information as you want. That's what reading a story is, taking in information about a world that isn't their own so we can imagine ourselves somewhere else. Your job as the writer is to hold out your hand and guide them through this new world, and you can do that however you want so long as you're not shoving them into the river you're walking next to.

Overall, I loved it. I just got distracted at a couple points due to the punctuation. But girl I went on a journey and I want more, and I think that's all the goal of writing should be. And you certainly accomplished that here. The majority of your sentences were actually pretty strong. The point of this whole chapter was to explain how these people got to where they are now and foreshadow the journey they're about to go on, and you did that pretty well. The only real issues can be fixed with a bit of editing.

And I saw absolutely no examples of you holding back information because you expect the reader to know what you know. No real examples, anyway. If anything, acting like this character already knows this world the reader is now exploring helps the story move along. There are certain points in a story where something known to the writer should be described in detail for the reader who's never seen it before, but that's also just.....what writing is. To detail something the reader didn't know coming in. So, like, you're fine.

So I kind of went on about one thing, but I hope this was more like the critiquing you're looking for. Of course everyone has room for improvement but for you specific areas to be focused on are minor and can be overcome rather quickly if you study it a bit and look for it in editing. You're a strong writer, and if you ever want to post any other works you've done or will do, that is something I would most certainly be looking forward to.

Have you ever asked for writing advice and then just got the like.... worst advice ever?

Like, you don't want to be that person who can't take criticism but.... the criticism you got is actually the worst?

If anyone wants to share their stories about this in reblogs/comments they can. We can suffer together. Also, if you anyone is interested, I can show you the critique I got.

[tklpilled]

you look good in red

summary: a list of reasons why eddie loves richie

a/n: i used so many commas and italicised so many words please save me. also the formatting on here is wild so if u’d rather read it elsewhere it’s on ao3!

implied suicidal thoughts!! its v brief though and it’s more hurt/comfort. u can skip it if u need, stay safe!!

—

True happiness is being in love.

Not romantically, necessarily, it doesn’t even have to be with a person. You can be in love platonically, or in love with a sight or sound.

Eddie Kaspbrak is in love with Richie Tozier. That’s nothing new, really, as the only person who can’t seem to realise is Richie himself. And there are so many reasons why, sights and sounds and everything.

For one, his stupid glasses. The way they’re often knocked askew and how they’re always crooked and can never seem to sit right on his nose and how Eddie constantly has to resist the urge to push them into place for him. The rustled look of it suits him.

Then his stupid face. His eyes aren’t always visible, thanks to the glare caused by his glasses in certain lighting, but when they are, they’re shining. His face actually lights up when he smiles, and his cheeks tint pink and makes his freckles easier to see.

His stupid hands. His nails are blunt, but just long enough to scratch someone if needed. His fingers are long and he’s almost always doing something with them, whether it be holding something, tapping on the nearest surface, or sometimes tickling one of his best friends to tears.

His stupid Hawaiian shirts. There’s nothing positive about them, they’re dumb and Eddie isn’t sure why he likes them.

Eddie Kaspbrak is in love with Richie Tozier.

Even at his lowest moments.

“Well. I’ve got five reasons why you shouldn’t.”

Richie sniffs. “And those are?”

Eddie sits up. “One, you’re really nice and funny. Two, we won’t be the same. Three, you hate making people cry and that’s gonna happen a lot if you do. Four, you won’t be able to climb through my window and risk being caught anymore. Five, just because some people hate you doesn’t mean that everyone does.”

Richie takes a deep, shaky breath once he’s finished. “Yeah.”

“I mean it, Rich.”

“I know.”

Richie sits up and opens his arms for a hug. Eddie complies.

With his face buried in Eddie’s shoulder, Richie’s muffled voice says, “I have another reason.”

“What is it?”

“Ol’ Miss Kaspbrak won’t have anyone to keep her up at night.”

Eddie breathes out a laugh disguised as a sigh and shoves Richie’s shoulder lightly. Really, at this point, he’ll put up with any of Richie’s jokes as long as he’s still there to tell them.

Even during the more irritating times.

“Hormones,” Eddie mumbles as he flips through the pages of his textbook.

“Such as?” asks Richie, pencil in hand.

Richie is helping Eddie study for a test by writing down the things he needs to go over.

Eddie looks confused. “Huh? Oh,” he says, processing Richie’s words. “Well, estrogen and testosterone, serotonin, insulin, growth hormones, prolactin, progesterone—”

“Hydrogen peroxide?”

Eddie stops abruptly. He sucks in a deep breath. “What?”

Richie bites back a laugh. “Hydrogen peroxide.”

“Oh, fucking hell.”

“What?”

“Hydrogen peroxide is not a fucking hormone, you dumbass!”

“What if it is?”

“But what if it’s not?”

“Everyone thinks it’s not, though. So it’s more likely that it is because people are wrong.”

“Yeah, and you’re one of them!”

“Prove it.”

Eddie blinks. “What?”

Richie grins. “Prove it.”

“I— it’s common sense!”

“Good thing neither of us have that.”

Especially when he laughs like that.

“Bill. Big Bill. Billy. Billybob. Denbrough.”

“What?” Bill responds exasperatedly.

“If I ripped off my leg and whacked you in the face with it—” Stan snorts from the other side of the clubhouse. “—would I be hitting you or kicking you?”

Bill looks vaguely terrified. “I th-think it would be s-scarring. For you, physically, a-and for me, mentally.”

Richie rolls his eyes. “Well yes, valid point, but that doesn’t answer my question. Because it’s always hitting unless you do it with your feet, then it’s kicking, so—”

“But would you be hitting Bill with the leg part of your leg or your foot?” Mike interrupts. “If it’s your leg, it’s not your foot, so then it would be hitting. But it would be kicking if you’re using the actual foot.”

Eddie groans. “It doesn’t matter, because it won’t happen.”

“I’m sure someone has done that,” Richie argues.

“They wouldn’t have been able to, because three of their main arteries would be cut off and they would drop dead almost instantly.”

“You wouldn’t bleed out that quickly if your leg was cut off—”

“Richie?” Eddie cuts him off. Richie makes a noise of acknowledgement. “Do you have an off button?”

“No, but I know where your mom’s on button is— ah!”

Eddie pounces on the freckled boy, muscle memory directing him to begin tickling everywhere he can reach.

Richie bats at the fingers on his skin weakly. “P- please, wait! Fuhuhuck, not there!”

The last sentence becomes a squeal as Eddie’s hands shoot beneath his arms, making him attempt to jerk away. “C'mon, cuhut it out!”

“Make me.”

Richie opens his mouth, probably to say something in reply, but all that comes out is loud laughter. Very obnoxious laughter, but also very cute.

His face is flushed and his pleads grow more and more incoherent. Eddie finally lets up after some rapid pokes to his stomach for good measure. Richie sits up, panting, breathlessness and embarrassment turning his cheeks bright red.

Eddie finds himself falling deeper in love with this stupidly pretty boy the longer he stares. He nearly kisses him, stopping himself only because of the others’ presence.

“You look cute when you blush,” He whispers instead. Richie gives him a smile that suddenly turns mischievous.

“I deserve some revenge now, I think.”

“Oh, no, you really don’t.” Eddie feels his own face heat, even more so when he’s knocked onto the dusty floor and is met with the sight of Richie kneeling over him.

“Wait, no, I’m sorry!”

Giggles fill the air again, though higher-pitched this time. Eddie finds that he doesn’t fully mind.

Eddie Kaspbrak is definitely, 100% hopeless for Richie Tozier.

[tlbodine]

So, What’s it Actually Like to Work With a Small Press?

Have you ever noticed that advice for writers tends to be sort of...lackluster in some areas? Like there are some parts of the publishing process that are really easy to find information about. For example, how to write a query letter! Everybody tells you how to write a query letter! But what nobody ever seems to talk about is wtf actually happens once your book is accepted. Like, what is it actually like to be a published author?

And that's kind of scary, right? Like you're plunging into darkness on absolute faith that there's something on the other side? If you can't imagine yourself in a role, it's kind of hard to take the leap into it. So here's my attempt at shining a flashlight on one small corner of the publishing industry.

I can't speak to the process of being published with a major publisher, but I can at least tell you a bit about what it's like to work with the small press that I work with.

Short answer: Way, way cooler than I expected.

Honestly. I went into this with pretty low expectations, because you hear a lot of talk about how publishers don't do anything to promote their authors and how first-time authors are pretty much nobodies etc. etc. so I was expecting nothing. Here's what I got instead:

- Several months after my query, I got an email saying they loved my book and would like to publish it. There was a contract attached. I asked if I could take some time to review the contract and reach out to some agents (I still had queries out with them) and they said that was fine. I gave them a specific date I'd have an answer for them (I think it was two weeks) and sent some emails to agents. Most of the agents replied right away that I was off the hook and good luck. Some said nothing. One notable outlier emailed me back several months after the contract was signed and asked if I still had the book. (I told him no but I'd consider him first the next time I query an agent).

- I signed the contract. The terms were pretty much what I expected. If I'd had an agent I could probably have negotiated better terms, maybe. But I'm satisfied with what I'm getting, and it's very standard for the industry.  

- Which brings us to another irritating truth about the publishing business: nobody talks about money. Like, aside from short story markets (which usually post their rates right in the market listing) you never have any idea how much anything pays. This is by design. The authors who are really vague in their posts about money? They've probably signed a contract stating that they can't talk about the specifics. I know it's really frustrating. It's just how the industry works, for better or worse (and, tbh, it's how a lot of businesses work - if you get a raise, for example, your boss may ask you not to tell anyone because other employees aren't getting the same raise).

- Anyway. I signed the contract and then waited around for a while for it to be signed by the head of the company and sent back to me. Then I waited around a little bit longer to be introduced to my editor. Publishing involves a lot of waiting, which you should use to your advantage to do more writing rather than brooding and pacing.

- My editor emailed me and let me know she really liked my book and approximately how long it would take for her to turn around edits. It took about that long. She sent the edits in tracked-changes format in the word doc and I spent an evening going through and pretty much approving all of them because I am not a person to quibble over the placement of a comma.

- What was editing like? Well. They were copy-edits, not substantive edits. I don't know whether that's the norm for this publisher or small presses or publishing in general, but that was my experience. I'm mostly fine with that, but it did surprise me; I was expecting to have to do a lot more work post-acceptance. There was no discussion about changing the title, either, which is a thing I was expecting because I'd once read that books never get published with their original titles.

- Once I'd approved the edits, it got sent of for formatting and we talked about cover design. I made a list of book covers I liked and some general things I wanted. My editor passed this along to the designer, and they had some back-and-forth before it was sent back to me, and I loved it a whole lot and had one extremely minor change. I imagine if I really, really hated it I could have gotten it re-done, but I loved it so I didn't get to test that hypothesis. 

- So with the cover and the formatting pretty much done, it's time to start promo. I started pulling together things independently. I ended up with a list of 86 blogs/websites I wanted to approach for online promo, and I can write a whole thing about this process later so I won't bother you with the details on it now. But there were a few things that were really interesting and I didn't know about or didn't expect, so I'll talk about that instead!

- Blurbs! You know those quotes from other authors and such that are on book covers or on a page inside the cover? Ever wonder where those come from? You ask for them. This should not have been mind-blowing to me but it totally was. My editor approached some people, and then asked me if I had anybody to approach, which led to me sending some really awkward emails both to complete strangers (people with books I really liked that were similar to my own) and to friends/acquaintances who were more successful than I am. This was terrifying, but also really cool. I had to remind myself constantly: you are a professional sending business correspondence to other professionals. This did not stop me from squeaking when anybody replied.

- Reviews! I submitted a ton of requests to people with the ARC (advanced review copy). My editor reached out to solicit some, too. Like I said, I'll write a thing about this later, but just know that I'm not and have never been wholly on my own in this regard.

Over the course of all this I've become gradually more familiar with my editor. We're Facebook friends now. I have emailed at odd hours with panicked requests ("Is it too late to rewrite the jacket copy? here are several paragraphs of alternative ideas") and she's pinged me with opportunities and kept me updated on what's going to happen next. This publisher is only open to submissions for a narrow window during the year (about a month or two) and I think that’s mostly so each author can get this kind of personal attention, and I love that. 

Honestly, it's really great, and a much more hands-on and personable experience than I had anticipated. I strongly doubt that publishing with a big house is like this at all. But publishing with a small press, for me anyway, feels a lot like a VIP treatment, even if I'm not, like...getting flown around the country for book tours or anything like that. Just having somebody who really believes in your book who answers your emails within a couple days of sending them is...pretty freaking awesome?

10/10 would recommend Journalstone/Trepidatio to anyone.

You can scope out their website here: http://journalstone.com/mainstore/

You’ll note that my book (River of Souls) is one of just two new releases slated for late summer. You’ll also note that the other book, Doorways to the Deadeye, looks fucking phenomenal and you should buy it (and I’m not just saying that because Eric Guignard wrote very nice things about my book). 

But anyway, that’s my experience so far. I’ll try to follow up after the book has been released to give some more insights. 

[ohhoneato]

Next up is Polo Dorenmorphercarger.

Yes that's his real name.

Born in a family of assassins run by his mother after his father passed away, the children in his family are asked to choose a new family name at a certain age, as a sign of maturity. His chosen name was Roamer, which is why Nero's last name was Roamer.

Their little brother, born after Nero's banishment, chose this last name. He obviously didn't mature.

I have a full short story written for Polo that shows off his character perfectly, written in a sort of letter format.

Before going any further though, I know I haven't really put any trigger warnings or anything, but this one really kind of needs it, although it doesn'tgo into detail. So:

Trigger warning: abuse, rape and death.

Now that that's out of the way, please enjoy.

Dear brother,

Mother told me I should start writing in a diary of sorts, as I am soon to begin assassin training. Instead of a “diary”, I decided instead to write letters to the one I care of most, you. As youngest I am the last to begin training, making mother quite worried. She is afraid I will not be good enough. I do not have an affinity for fighting, as you well know, so I will hopefully have an affinity for magic. You have just informed me that I am using too many commas and run on sentences. This isn’t actually meant to be read by you, I hope you know! I have informed you of this promptly and I hope you will take it to heart. I will keep you updated (not really) on the regular and be sure to tell you of everything. Please excuse the terrible punctuation, after all I am only nine.

Love, Polo.

Dear broter,

Sorry for any typos I make, I do not have much time between classes. Things have been very exciting within the last two days. I have begun a sword fighting class, mother beleives that I should be trained all around. Even if I am not very good at it, I can be mus….muscule… whatever… memory trained. It has been hard, but I beleive I may be getting the hang of it. Next class I have is to be a magic class. For using magical items. They are taking me out to find my own magical item within the next few days, but first I must pack and this class is to show me what to pack. I must go now, I was supposed to be in class a minute ago and lost track of time writing.

Love you, Polo.

Dear Brother,

It is my first day looking for a magical item and so far, I am having no luck. I had no idea it would be this difficult to find an item I’m supposed to have a spiritual bond with. Mother and the instructors have told me to stop sighing so many times today, I’m sure that could become their catchphrases. I’m tired and I miss you. But I’ve been assure that it will be worth it. I must carry on. After all, the family business rests on our shoulders. It’s about time I started my training. I must go and continue training. Please keep me in your thoughts.

Love, Polo

Dear Brother,

I have much time to sit and talk with you, as I have finally found it. It only took a week too, mother told us it usually took longer. It’s a shame though, I wanted to beat your record of three days. Ah well, you remain the superior brother for now. I’ll one up you one day. Now, more on the magical item. It is a pink spiritual stone, made for possession and deception. I know you won’t approve much of it, but it is what I’ve become attached to. I beleive it is most definatly mine to have. I will not abuse it’s powers, after all, I’m such a natural with it I shouldn’t have trouble mastering it. It has imbedded itself into my hand and can make copies of itself. It’s truely a marvel. It is also quite beautiful, sparkling like a Rose Quarts or something similar. I must be getting ready for bed now, I will write you more later.

Love, Polo.

Dear Brother,

As I thought, you are not pleased with my gift and have personally decided to speak to mother about it. I even now can hear you and mother yelling at each other. Why can’t you be happy about it? Does it seem too dark? I would have thought you’d be proud of me, finding something so fitting for the profession. No, actually, I can beleive you’re angry. You’ve always been quite protective of me, why would you be happy about this? But I am happy. I would like to keep being happy. I am finally making my way along, becoming one with the family, making mother proud! I’ve been trying so hard- You are exiting mother’s room. I must find out what has happened. I will write another letter in a moment.

Love, Polo.

Brother,

It has been a week since I finished my training and you were kicked out of the family for trying to attack our mother. Mother has tried to convince me to stop writing to you, but I won’t. You will always be my brother, no matter how foolish you act. You were the favorite. You were the best. The better brother. Why? Why would you throw that away so easily?! I need to know. I need to ask you. I have completed my training as I said, so mother will let me wander the city looking for work now. Just think, ten years old and I’m already good enough with magic and decent enough with a sword that I can hold my own in the real world. Why won’t you be proud of me? Why?

Brother,

I will not be writing for a few months as I will be traveling and taking jobs alone. I will have to be diligent and cunning. I will hopefully be seeing you soon.

Brother.

I am not sure I will ever be able to talk about this with anyone, including you. It has been months since I’ve written you, possibly years. I am Fifteen now. I looked back through my old letters. It’s sort of silly, I could not even spell believe correctly then, yet I believed myself ready to go out into the real world. I was so passive aggressive, saying things about you being the better brother. I even heard that within all this time, we now have a younger brother. I will treat him better than you treated me, I promise. I will love him more than you love me. This will be a great feat. You loved me more than life itself. You treated me better than royalty could ever expect. I miss you. Nero, I miss you. I love you. I always will. I wish you could have read these letters in life, especially this one. I am about to tell you what happened to me all this time. Well, a kind of short version. Leaving out some minor things. I wish I could leave some gruesome details out, but since you will never be reading this, no one will ever be reading this letter, I must for a therapeutic reason. Here goes the big thing. I was in the middle of a job. Kill the target, get out as soon as possible sort of thing, except my target had been informed of me. I’d made somewhat of a name for myself by then, I was about to turn twelve in three days time. I snuck into his room and instantly got rushed by his guards. I would have prefered almost any other sort of torture than what they did. My entire body shakes when I think of it. I cannot even stand human touch anymore. Which I feel terrible about, if I hadn’t allowed myself to become sloppy, such a vile thing wouldn’t have happened and perhaps I could have saved you. An odd sentence to be writing, and assassin saving someone’s life instead of taking it. But although what was done to me was unspeakable, I must at least force myself to write the words instead of avoid it as I am. They violated me. They raped me. I can still feel them inside me when I think about it and it sends me into waves of panic. I cannot breathe when I think of this act, I cannot sleep, I cannot live. I wish to die when I think of the incident. Isn’t that terrible. The Pink Gem has been trying to convince me to let her take over and I have almost been convinced many times. It’s hurts so much, she can make the pain go away. Then I thought of you and I now think of our new brother and realize I musn’t succumb, for surely she will try to hurt everyone for self gain. She is selfish, as I must admit it was that selfishness for the same end goal that drew me to her. To continue the story, I eventually after another year, found my way to you. You were living your life in hiding from all those who wanted revenge with a beautiful woman named Rose.

She was an all mother of sorts, as it seemed she took in those with magic whom were abandoned or lost. She was kind, gave me a place to eat and sleep, helping to clear my mind of that which had happened previously. She had the same powers as I, yet on a much smaller scale, only able to manipulate a single town at a time. She did not believe she need it on a larger scale, the humans she kept as slaves and pets were all she needed. I found myself both somewhat disgusted and intrigued by her beliefs. Back to you. I hadn’t even been looking for you at the time. I had sat down to eat and you’d walked up to me. You called my name quietly. I glanced up and the first look of hope came into my eyes that had been there in years. I ran to you and hugged you so tightly. And you hugged back. Oh you hugged back so tightly, I miss it still. I still feel it. I started to panic at the touch, but I forced it away, after all I had been the one looking for you, I’d initiated the hug, what would you think if I had just pushed you away. Then you spoke. And it all went away. All of the panic, all of the pain, all of the terrible thoughts, away with a simple “I love you.”

We released and we began to catch up. I skipped details of most that had happened when I’d begun my search till then. I told you it’d been uneventful. I could see you didn’t believe me. I knew you could see the deadness in my eyes. You could see I’d almost completely given up, not only on finding you, but life. I was tired. I still am. But I haven’t given up. Anyway, you told me about living with Rose, that she was kind, finding orphans and those who’d been kicked out of their towns and all. We both decided it would be better to talk in private. We both decided to walk outside to talk. I accidentally stepped outside of Rose’s protective circle. I was immediately ambushed. You raced to my aid, hacking and slicing away at the attackers, you took the initial hit that was aimed at me. We fought side by side, eventually being joined by Rose, who had sensed the trouble and came to help. We beat them. We beat the attackers. Why doesn’t it feel like we won? Is it because you took poison that was meant for me? Probably. I’m not going to lie. I sobbed the whole time, while her medics told us you didn’t have a chance, while I was saying the final goodbye, and especially when you answered my final question. Why?

“Because I loved you too much.”

So now you’re gone. I gained an ally in Rose, but I don’t know if I could ever face her again. She is just so compassionate and I fear I will not be able to be strong around her. I told her I would ever call if I needed help again though, to make her feel better. I must attempt to sleep so I may travel home in the morning. I love you.

Love, Polo.

Brother,

I made it home. I believe traveling home is where I left off. Our little brother’s name is Marco. He is amazing. I will protect him. Mother is gone, dead from childbirth. After all the assassination attempts, having another child is what did her in. That is most humorous. She doesn’t want me to keep writing these. Sometimes she sounds just like mother. I fear I am losing myself to her. I must go, I have things to attend to as new head of family.

Love, Polo

Brother,

What have I done? Oh gods above what have I done. I’ve hurt him. Marco, my only brother, I’ve done to him what was done to me, the act that has utterly destroyed me. No, it was not me. It was my body, but I have not done this. It was her! SHE DID THIS TO MY PRECIOUS SIBLING!

I MUST GET RID OF H-

Brother,

I am almost gone. I don’t have much time to write this. Marco has taken everything She has thrown at him, but I think she has finally broken him. Cori, his beloved Cori. She’s had him killed. I cannot let this keep happening, but I cannot control it. He will obey Her now. Perhaps if he does, She will stop hurting him. I am so sorry Nero. I’m so sorry Marco. I’ve failed.

Love, Polo.

Dearest Marco,

I wanted you to have these. She would have you be a mindless soldier, but I promised I’d be better than him. You need to know what made me this way, a powerless puppet. Enclosed are the letters I wrote to him, starting when I was nine years old. Our older brother was truly wonderful, I wish you could have met him. He would have been much better of a brother than me. Perhaps enclosed you may find a way to reverse this. I’d much rather be filled with pain than be powerless to stop Her from hurting you. Good luck. I love you. I’m sorry.

Love, Polo

[madlori]

Unveiled - Chapter 1

Unveiled, Chapter 1

by MadLori Word Count: 3300 Fandom: Men’s Hockey RPF Pairing: Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin Rating: NC-17 (like, heed this, please) Tags: Arranged Marriage, Modern Royalty AU, Mpreg, Not Omegaverse, No Consent Issues, Veiled Sex, Weird Traditions, Don’t Think Too Hard, Handwavey Biology

Read this on AO3

[there will not usually be this many notes, it’s chapter 1]

Biology note: This is mpreg but NOT omegaverse. All genders have both reproductive systems, meaning anybody of any gender can get anyone else pregnant. Men and women exist, but gender presentation is a result of how things are arranged/presented. I'm not super into getting into a ton of details about this. Handwave, handwave.

Note about language: I made the conscious choice not to render anyone's dialogue in a particular accent or dialect, as I felt that in this setting it would be a distraction. We're gonna go with "everyone in the story is fluent in whatever language you'd like them to be speaking."

Note to my existing readers: This is my first story in this fandom. If you have followed me here from Sherlock or another fandom, please take note of the tags - this is unlike anything I've ever written before. My first foray into mpreg or RPF. If those things don't work for you, that's fine, then this fic isn't for you. No need to inform me.

Thank you to burning-up-a-sun and luckie_dee for excellent beta services, and to ljummen and right-of-the-curve for reading and reacting as I banged this out in record time.

-------

Zhenya had hoped to sleep in on his last morning as a bachelor, but his eyes flew open just past dawn and would not close again. 

His wedding day. The culmination of several years’ work -- the selection of his consort-to-be, the negotiations, the contracts, the preparations...all of which he’d had minimal part in, because one simply didn’t arrange their own marriage, let alone their own embargoed marriage.

He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, going over and over it in his mind. Ceremony, blessing, consummation, and then...life as usual? Regular people had celebrations after their weddings. They gathered together with their friends and families, ate and drank, danced and celebrated along with the person they’d just married. Lots of photos, smiling faces, Instagram posts and hashtags.

For embargoed spouses, such celebrations were pointless. It was hard to rejoice with your new life partner when you weren’t allowed to see or speak to them, or even to know their name.

All that he knew about the consort was that he was from New Scotland, was Zhenya’s age, and of noble blood. It had been tempting to at least Google him, but poking around an embargo like that was inappropriate, not to mention insulting to the significant sacrifice being made by his new consort. This man had agreed to a restrictive situation to become Zhenya’s husband and bear his child -- the least Zhenya could do was respect his decision. Besides, the consort’s entire online presence would have been digitally embargoed by the palace tech team, which was really meant to shield him from the rest of the world’s snooping, but also served to thwart tempted spouses.

  Zhenya’s parents had asked for quite a bit of input about what sort of person he hoped for as a life partner. They had already known that he preferred a male spouse, and had accepted his one additional condition for a match, but beyond that, he trusted them. He’d known since childhood that his marriage would be arranged and had accepted it, was even grateful for it. It was difficult to meet people when you were a Prince. Zhenya had dated his fair share of men, but he was never sure about their motives -- was his money a factor? his status? his fame? -- and his dates were often put off by the press attention, not to mention the trappings of royalty. He thought his chances of finding happiness with a spouse selected by his parents were possibly better, and certainly no worse. Besides, he didn’t really have it in him to rebel. Refusing to have an embargoed arrangement would be a serious break with tradition, and the very idea was just -- exhausting. 

Sasha, his boisterous, gap-toothed valet, banged into the room at 7:00 a.m. sharp; Zhenya groaned and pulled a pillow over his head. “None of that, now. We have to make you look royal, so God knows we need every last second.” Sasha grabbed the blankets and yanked them off. Zhenya yelped and curled into a tight comma on the bed. “Up, you lazy, posh twat.”

“Why did I make you my valet. Why,” Zhenya said, muffled into his pillow. Sasha had not come up through the ranks of the palace staff, as most valets did. He had been a teammate of Zhenya’s on their university hockey team, and some fit of insanity had led Zhenya to conclude that his total lack of finesse in matters of protocol and politics was appropriate for the job. 

“Because you knew I wouldn’t put up with your bullshit and you were right. You’re getting married today, so let’s try and fool all these rubes into thinking you’ve got class, eh?”

Zhenya slumped out of bed, only to be manhandled out of his pajamas by Sasha. “Hey!”

He snorted. “Like I’ve never seen your dick before. And a lot more people are going to be seeing it today, so get over it. Shower, now.”

Zhenya spent the morning being scrubbed, polished, trimmed, neatened, and perfumed to within an inch of his life. Breakfast was brought in, an unusually light meal. “Are they afraid I’m going to throw up?” he grumbled, eating his toast.

“Probably. Are you?”

“No.”

“You’re not nervous?”

“I’m a little anxious. Excited. What’s to be nervous about?”

“I mean…” Sasha made vague gestures all around him at everything.

Zhenya swallowed and sipped at his tea. “Have you heard...anything?”

“I’m gonna need you to be more specific.”

He rolled his eyes. “About my betrothed.”

“Even if I had, I wouldn’t be allowed to share it. If you want to know, you’ll have to hire a hacker to un-embargo his Instagram.” Zhenya just looked at him. Sasha sighed. “All I know is that he and his entourage arrived two nights ago.”

“‘Entourage?”

“His parents are with him, and he’s got his own guards. He’ll have the guards until he’s unveiled. You knew that, right?”

“I know.”

“Other than that they’re all keeping to their quarters. He’s not supposed to be seen until the wedding.”

“He’s not going to be seen after the wedding! Not that anybody knows what he looks like. He could be walking around the palace in a bathing suit eating peaches and nobody would know it was him.”

“The embargo is for your own good, and his. And the kingdom’s.”

“I get it.” And he did, really. If his consort hadn’t conceived within a year, he would be replaced, and that process would be a lot easier for everyone involved if he, and the citizens, hadn’t gotten attached to him. Hence, the embargo. At least, that’s what the clerics said. Endlessly. “I understand the principle. It’s just going to take some getting used to, being married to someone and having sex with him without seeing his face or talking to him.”

Sasha snorted. “C’mon, Zhenya. You’ve had more than your share of hookups.”

“So?”

“How many of their names can you remember, or even their faces? You’re telling me you had deep conversations with them?”

“That’s different. This man will be my husband.”

“I heard that the prince of Patagonia and his consort broke their embargo and fell in love. She didn’t get pregnant so she had to leave, they were both heartbroken, he almost abdicated his throne, it was a horrible mess, he wouldn’t sleep with the new consort and so she had to be replaced, the first consort was disgraced and went into hiding, nobody knows what happened to her and he’s a giant ball of depression.”

Zhenya blinked. “That’s terrible.”

“Honor your embargo, Zhenya.”

He sighed. “I intend to.”

Embargoed marriage ceremonies were small, private affairs. The unveiling was really the big public spectacle, when the kingdom could at last meet their prince’s husband. The wedding was more for the clerical blessing and the witnessed consummation, and a huge gathering for that was considered unseemly. Zhenya had been trained since childhood not to feel immodest for this occasion, but he was still glad that there would only be a few witnesses present.

He walked to the chapel in his custom-made marriage robes, simple but lush as was the current style. Standing outside the chamber were six of his consort’s guards. Their uniforms were pleasingly clean-lined, black and tailored with deep gold trim, and they snapped to attention as he approached, disciplined and in perfect formation. Zhenya nodded to them -- he imagined he’d be getting to know them soon enough -- and passed through.

A heavy drape hung in the center of the dais with a small hole cut in it for their hands to pass through. Zhenya took his place on the left, nodding to the head cleric. He heard rustling from the other side of the drape and a shadow fell upon it; his new consort had taken his place on the other side.

They did not speak during the ceremony, as their embargo forbade them from hearing one another’s voices. The cleric spoke to them; they acknowledged his words with nods of assent to his questions and directives. When he bade them do so, they joined hands through the hole in the drape. Zhenya noted that his betrothed’s hand was square and strong, and gripped his without hesitation, exhibiting no sign of a nervous tremor. A promising start. He shut his eyes and sent up a prayer to whatever deity might be handy...please, let me like him. Please, let him get pregnant quickly. Let him be smart. And if it’s not too much to ask, please, let him be...not hideous.

“You are joined,” the cleric concluded, simply. Two deacons appeared and removed the drape.

His consort was dressed in elegant marriage robes of his own, including a cape and a veil that hid him from view entirely save for his hands. The only new information Zhenya received with the removal of the drape was his consort’s height, about half a head shorter than Zhenya. He smiled at his new husband and they bowed to each other. Zhenya watched as his consort made a silent greeting to his parents, the Duke and Duchess of New Scotland, who Zhenya did not know at all. With over seventeen thousand peerage titles in the world, one couldn’t meet them all, or even a tiny fraction. The consort’s guards had materialized in the chapel and now surrounded their master and escorted him off the dais and off into the chamber where the next and final step would happen.

Zhenya turned to receive his own parents’ congratulations, and a back-slapping hug from Sasha, wildly overstepping his role as a valet as usual. Zhenya’s father rolled his eyes but didn’t chastise him; his parents loved Sasha as they loved Zhenya himself. More, he sometimes suspected. 

The cleric hovered at Zhenya’s elbow. “Your Royal Highness, you are awaited in the antechamber.” 

Sasha winked at him. “Good luck. Do it right the first time and this embargo can end quickly.”

“I don’t think it’s entirely up to me,” Zhenya said, but he hoped for the same. He couldn’t imagine waiting for months on end, walking on eggshells every day, everyone looking askance at him if it dragged on and wondering at his virility if he failed to impregnate his spouse. As if it would be for lack of trying. 

He followed the cleric into the antechamber. His consort would have gone on ahead to be prepared and arranged by his personal attendants, although Zhenya wasn’t quite sure what that meant, beyond the obvious. This situation was generally not intended to produce arousal in both parties, so he damn well hoped that his consort’s “preparation” involved vaginal lubrication of some kind, for both of their comfort. He’d find out soon enough, but first there was still all manner of ceremonial mumbo-jumbo to attend to.

Zhenya wasn’t particularly devout, a fact he kept mostly to himself. At minimum, a visible attention to custom was expected and valued by the citizens, and Zhenya had no wish to disappoint them, or more accurately, to give them cause to distrust him. He respected the beliefs of his parents (mostly his mother) and of the clerics, but he’d have dispensed with the whole rigmarole if he’d had his choice. But this was his duty, so he stood quietly and allowed the clerics to say their blessings over him and waft their burning herbs as his outer robes were removed.

Underneath his robes were his tunic and trousers, which had been made with a flap at the front (“easy access,” Sasha had joked). He wouldn’t undress further than this, at least not for this ceremonial consummation. He’d be expected to achieve a minimum objective today, the most that could be hoped for in these high-pressure and decidedly not private circumstances.

One of the sub-clerics stood at his side. “Your Royal Highness, will you require assistance readying yourself?” he asked, quietly. Sasha, lurking behind him, snorted.

“Assistance?” Zhenya said, puzzled...but then it hit him. He was being asked if he’d need help getting it up. It stood to reason that he might, with people watching and the Fate of the Kingdom Depending and blah blah blah. Anxiety was not typically the friend of erections. The sub-cleric was offering a helping hand, so to speak. Zhenya had heard stories. Supposedly there’d once been a groom nervous enough that the sub-cleric had to use his mouth on him before he could manage it.

Zhenya didn’t think he’d need quite that much assistance; indeed, he hoped he wouldn’t need any. “Let’s...proceed, and we’ll see,” he said. The sub-cleric nodded and went to the door into the main chamber.

It was dim inside, fragrant with burning herbs. Several clerics were lined up at the far side of the room, chanting quietly. Behind a screen stood half a dozen shadowy figures; witnesses, drawn from the nobility and the royal family. Zhenya didn’t know who was back there and he didn’t care to know. He would likely never know; it was considered rude to disclose one’s presence at such an occasion. Zhenya had himself been a witness at his cousin’s consummation five years ago. You really couldn’t see much at all, through the screen and the awkward angle.

At the moment, however, his attention was captivated by the bed in the center of the room, and his consort upon it. He was laid out on his stomach, covered in drapes even including his head -- Zhenya worried for a moment if he could breathe adequately under there. Two of his guards stood at the head of the bed, eyes fixed firmly forward. The drapes extended from over his consort’s head past his feet, and in the center was an oval-shaped cutout exposing what was, without question, the most fantastic backside Zhenya had ever seen in his life, and he’d seen his fair share.

No. He would not be needing assistance. In fact, he felt himself swelling at the sight of just this one part of his new consort’s body. It was odd, and unexpectedly titillating, to be presented with a more-or-less disembodied ass, even if he could see the shape of the rest of the man under the drape -- but, he supposed, that titillation shouldn’t really be unexpected; why else did glory holes exist? Not that he’d ever partaken of such things, in clubs, in his slightly-wilder youth, absolutely not. But this was his husband, not a late night quickie. It wouldn’t be like this all the time, he assured himself. This was just for the ceremonial bit. Future couplings would be much less...ritualized.

They were all looking at him, waiting for him to get to it, but there was a step to be taken first. He glanced at the cleric and nodded. The cleric hesitated, then moved to the head of the bed. This was Zhenya’s personal addition to the ceremonies, and the cleric had been reluctant to deviate from the traditional sequence of events, but Zhenya had insisted.

He had no interest in a spouse who’d been forced into marrying him, as he’d made sure his parents understood before they set out to find him one. “I do have one condition, and it is non-negotiable,” he’d said.

His father had looked surprised. “What is it, son?”

“I require absolute assurance that any consort of mine enters into marriage to me of their own free will, and not under duress.”

His parents had exchanged a glance. “That should not be difficult; marriage into our family is considered very desirable.”

“Be that as it may, I need you to promise me, Father..”

His father had nodded, and seemed even pleased by this directive. “You have my word, son.”

And now, the cleric spoke to the consort on Zhenya’s behalf. “Your Highness,” he said, using the man’s new title -- after the embargo was lifted, he would become His Royal Highness, the same honorific that Zhenya received. “Prince Evgeni wishes me to ask you for your consent before he joins with you.” Zhenya saw the consort’s head turn to the side. “He values your agreement to this consummation.”

The man hesitated. Zhenya saw the surprise in his shoulders. His head turned further,  seeming to look back over his shoulder at Zhenya, and he nodded.

The cleric straightened up. “Does this satisfy Your Royal Highness?” There was just a touch of “are you happy now?” impatience in the cleric’s voice which Zhenya chose to ignore.

Zhenya nodded. He removed his gloves and handed them to Sasha, who was being appropriately quiet and invisible for once in his life. He unbuttoned the flap on the front of his trousers; he was half-erect already and filling fast.

He knelt on the bed. He wasn’t supposed to make any unnecessary contact this first time, but he couldn’t help but run his hands briefly over his husband’s smooth, muscular rear. Just like that, he was fully hard and more than ready. He placed his knees within the drapery cutout on either side of the consort’s hips; the man shifted slightly, spreading his thighs a little bit to give him room. Zhenya reached back and tucked his cock down and against the man’s entrance, relieved to find that he was, indeed, slick. He pressed forward and entered him; Zhenya stifled a groan and felt a shudder pass over the man beneath him. He was tight and warm; Zhenya held still for a moment with his eyes closed and hips pressed against his consort’s impossibly plump ass. 

He braced on his hands and shut his eyes, making smooth, even thrusts. There’d be time later to investigate what kind of sex his husband enjoyed, but now was the time to be quick about it and get the job done. He tried to visualize success, as the clerics liked to say during their instruction, and picture his seed finding its target and blossoming in his consort’s womb. The minimum embargo time was three months; even if he conceived right now, early pregnancy was so delicate that it wasn’t considered official until the three--month mark. After carrying to three months, the consort was accepted into the family and unveiled, even if the child was subsequently lost.

Zhenya had often wondered about consorts who failed to conceive and were replaced. Who was to say that it was their fault? Both parties underwent pre-marriage medical testing to minimize this risk, but bodies were unpredictable. Of course it might not be the consort’s fault; the would-be sire could just as easily be the one whose biology failed them, but such a thing could not be admitted for a royal scion. He’d heard one tale, possibly apocryphal, of a prince whose consort hadn’t conceived -- unwilling to accept defeat, the prince had asked his consort to get him pregnant, which she had done, and their embargo was released.

The contemplation of such machinations was premature, he knew. He and his new consort had only just begun.

As keyed up as he was, it didn’t take long for him to finish. He thrust in deep and spilled, clenching his teeth against the desire to cry out. He felt his consort sigh and press back against him a little, a welcome signal of acknowledgment. Zhenya let his head droop for a moment, then straightened up and pulled out. Sasha was right there with a cloth for him to clean himself before he refastened his pants.

The cleric stepped forward and blessed the union, prayers for the success of the joining, yadda yadda. Zhenya barely paid attention. Sasha was replacing his robe on him, but all Zhenya could do was look at the draped form of his new husband, especially the one part of it that he could see, and hope that it wouldn’t be too long before he could see the rest of it.

He let Sasha lead him out of the chamber, glad that was over -- but in another, very real sense, it was just beginning. He was now a married man, with a responsibility to his consort, who was at something of a disadvantage in this situation. He hoped he could be a good, supportive husband to him, until at last the day came that he’d be allowed to see his face.

Next Chapter

[thewriterslament]

writing a resume from scratch

as with literally everything i write, this got really fucking long! like, wordcounter.net estimates this will take 7 minutes to read. so i’ve placed the bulk of this post under a read more

this is not a quick tips kind of post; this is a detailed breakdown of how to write a resume from scratch, with examples that are largely taken from my own resume. this is primarily a resource for people who don’t know where to start with writing a resume, not for people who just want resume hacks

i’m saying all this so i don’t get people in my inbox complaining about how long this is. writing a resume takes a lot of time and effort, and this post does not shy away from that

creating a resume will take you a while, especially if this is your first attempt. don’t be discouraged! take breaks, and don’t try to make the perfect resume on the first try. this tutorial is designed to be completed in rounds

it usually takes me a week to get a new master resume into working order

don’t worry about page length right now. you should make a multipage master resume that contains every relevant experience before making a 1-page resume. after you’ve made the master, you can build custom resumes from it for job applications

this post is best viewed on desktop, because i use nested bullets, and tumblr mobile hates those

let’s get into it!

step 1:

list out everything you’ve ever done that could feasibly count as a resume entry: extracurriculars, jobs, volunteer positions, research, organizations you were a part of (professional or casual), freelance work, long-term hobbies. i will refer to each different experience as an “entry”

for each entry, write where (city + state) and when (timespan) you did that thing 

ex. tritones a cappella group, los angeles, ca, august 20xx - present

going forward, update this list as you join or complete new jobs/hobbies/whatever so that you don’t have to wrack your brain a year down the road wondering how long you held down that job or leadership role

step 2:

describe each entry

use bullet points to list out all the things you did within that role. start with the big picture, then move on to the small stuff

big picture: the goal of the role/organization/research, overarching and long-term projects, what results you were trying to achieve + why

ex. “studied the neuroanatomy and synaptopathy of the inner ear to determine the role of glutamate receptors in hearing loss”

small stuff: literal day-to-day tasks, every software and hardware you worked with, any particularly successful moments

basically, walk through a typical day or week in this role and list out every single thing you have to do, even the grunt work.

ex. “used redcap to administer neuropsychological batteries and collect biological data”

ex. “designed and implemented a novel article format that yielded a 10% increase in audience retention”

if you still have access to the original job posting or a corporate description of responsibilities for your role, pull that up and see how much you can paraphrase from it

no duty is too stupid rn. did you google weather forecasts for your boss every week? write it down. you can make it fancy or choose to delete it later

step 3:

fancify this shit

rewrite your bullet points from step 2 with better jargon. tell your employers what you did in a concise yet assertive manner

it helps to break down each point into its most basic components, which you can then generalize or rephrase 

ex. “googled weather forecasts” might become “compiled weekly reports on changing data points to assess weather trends over time”

use action words. you can find resources all over the internet for this, but if you’re still struggling, shoot me an ask and i’ll link some of the resources i’ve used myself

caution: you don’t want to sound like you used a thesaurus on every word. make sure you aren’t obscuring the meaning of your bullet points. “googled weather forecasts” should not become “utilized online databases to assemble weekly communications on meteorological variations”

start thinking about how your responsibilities for each entry relate to a) what skills you want to showcase and b) what the employer wants from you. does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with online databases, or does the employer want you to demonstrate familiarity with weather forecasts? your bullet point for “googled the weather” will change depending on the answer to these questions

step 4: 

look at the big picture

you probably have a metric buttload of bullet points for each entry. now you need to cut that down to what’s relevant. think about which bullets are most impressive, noteworthy, and descriptive of each entry

aim for 3-5 bullet points. any less than that and you have to ask why you’re including that entry. any more than that and the employer’s eyes will glaze over

try to combine bullet points

ex. “identify content and write articles when necessary,” “maintain a pool of freelancers,” and “identify key graphics and maintain tagging structure when uploading articles” all involve the process of creating an article, so they can be combined into: “identify content, assign stories to freelancers, write articles when necessary, and upload with appropriate graphics and tags”

start thinking about tailoring your word choices and bullet points to what the employer is looking for

if you can, pull up the job posting or a sample resume for the job you’re applying to and compare your resume to it. are you using similar language? are you demonstrating similar skills?

jobhero.com is a lifesaver

finally, eliminate redundancy in your resume, both in every individual entry and in the resume as a whole. if a skill can be demonstrated by multiple entries, you only need to list it once

kill your darlings! it may sound harsh, but the things that seem super impressive to you probably won’t even be a blip on the employer’s radar. “but saying i made coffee runs shows i’m dependable and a team player!” the employer isn’t looking that deep, my dude. you can showcase your dependability in your cover letter or your interview

you should redo steps 3 and 4 several times, soliciting feedback from your parents, peers, career center, etc each time

step 5:

add the Other Stuff

education

typically, you should only include institutions for the highest level of education you’ve attended. (undergrad and grad school both count as college for this purpose)

there are exceptions to this, depending on how long you’ve spent at a higher level of education, whether your alma mater will earn you brownie points, whether you had genuinely impressive accomplishments earlier in your life, etc.

once you hit, like, 2 years in college, you should try to get rid of high school achievements and showcase college achievements instead

list the school name, city + state, degree type (BA/MA/etc) and expected graduation date (even if it’s in the future), your major(s) + minor(s), and any related coursework (ie preprofessional tracks, specific courses related to the job). you can list your gpa if you feel it’s relevant, but i caution against doing this once you’ve graduated

ex. (where // indicates a new line) harvard university, boston, ma, may 2020 // bachelor of arts in cognitive neuroscience // minor: english: focus in creative writing // related coursework: pre-medicine, computer science 101 and 102 // gpa: 3.9/4.0 (dean’s list, all semesters)

skills

a list of items without descriptions. you can do a bulleted list or you can list the entries in paragraph form, separated by commas or bold bullets

hard skills: hardware, software, languages (spoken and programming), digital and communication platforms, social media proficiencies, other technologies and devices

ex. microsoft office suite, java, wordpress, slack, familiarity with ap and chicago style

soft skills: general qualities, buzzwords, personality traits

ex. leadership, conflict resolution, time management

certifications and awards

can be one section or two depending on how many of each you have

list each one on a separate bullet point

for each, write the certification or award, the institution that granted it, and the month and/or year you received it if relevant

publications

tbh i just cite my publications in the following format instead of following a style guide

lastname, firstname. “article or chapter title.” book title, publisher (aka company or website). publication date.

if you’re the sole author, you don’t need to list the author’s name

interlude: stretch the truth a bit. don’t lie about having experience or skills you don’t, but if you can reasonably google how to do something, boom! you’re proficient in it. if you worked with two team members who never pulled their weight? you just became the sole project lead. were you a beta reader for anime fanfiction back in the day? you’re a freelance editor, baby!

step 6:

now you have to organize all the entries from step 4

separate your entries into relevant sections. what’s relevant might change based on what you’re applying for

i’ve had, at various points in my life, some subset of the following sections: work experience, volunteer experience, leadership experience, research experience, writing experience, other relevant experience

list sections in order of descending importance

write all entries in reverse chronological order: start with the most recent and work your way backwards

write all bullet points in order of descending importance. unfortunately, i don’t have any quick tips on determining what’s important, but it helps to look at the job posting and see what matters to the employer

i tend to list big picture goals, then personal accomplishments (leadership skills, projects), then daily tasks

step 7:

format this shit

you can find resume templates online or in your word processor. templates serve as a good starting point, but i recommend creating your own format so you can edit and customize it with ease. this will probably involve a lot of fiddling with indentations, paragraph spacing, and moving things around

don’t go smaller than 10pt font

mess around with line and paragraph spacing to get the right balance of white space. if you’re curious about what i use, shoot me an ask and i’ll share my weirdly specific settings

keep an eye out for bullet points with orphan words (ie lines containing only 1-3 words) and get rid of them to streamline your resume

margins can be anywhere between 0.5″ and 1″

consistency is key! make sure each entry has the same kind of spacing. don’t use hyphens in one entry and en dashes in another

in the header, write your name, email, phone number, and address

interlude: save this version of your resume as your master resume. this gives you an unedited list of everything you ever did that you can now pick and choose from when you apply to jobs. update this list every 3-6 months.

step 8:

customize your resume for the job application

unless you’ve been in the industry for several years, your job-specific resume should be no more than 1 page

if you have more than 1 page: compare the job listing and your resume side by side and ask which entries demonstrate your capabilities most effectively, which bullet points are the punchiest, and if there’s any extraneous info

match each job requirement to one bullet point on your resume. then match each bullet point on your resume to a requirement in the listing. get rid of any bullet points that don’t meet either of those criteria. if multiple bullet points match the same job requirement, get rid of the extra bullet points

if you have significantly less than 1 page: see if you can add more bullet points or reformat your resume to introduce some more white space. a 2-column set-up is great for this, with section headers on the left and bullets on the right. do you have any hobbies you’re forgetting about? any soft skills you could add?

emulate the language of the job posting; use the same action words, the same soft skills

coda

your resume should work in tandem with your cover letter, but that’s a topic for another post. maybe in another 6 months i’ll write a post on that, too

always save your resume as a pdf! you don’t want your employer to have access to your metadata

if you made it through this whole post... i’m so sorry lmao but also thanks for sticking with me

let me know if you found this helpful or if this method scored you a job!

[racefortheironthrone]

Thoughts on House of X #5

Time for the issue where HoX/PoX horniness kicked off!

Society Comma We Live in One:

Time to talk about an issue that definitely merited the coverted red issue status. The issue starts with Magneto and Polaris having a dialogue on society that comes off as a bit writerly, more about Hickman creating an opportunity for him to talk about his ideas about society than what Magneto and Polaris would actually be saying to one another (unless Polaris just arrived on Krakoa and is being given the tour, but that doesn’t quit fit her dialogue).

To start with, Magneto is making an argument that “the one good thing humanity taught us was society,” but attaches this to the concept of human beings shifting from settler-gatherer to agrarian cultures. Notably, in Magneto’s version, this shift also has implications for national identity, what with the whole “this is a good place - it is...ours, and from this land we will not be moved.” 

At the same time, it would be highly inaccurate to suggest that hunter-gatherer cultures don’t have societies or engage in (what Magneto is really getting at here) cooperation. The main difference between hunter-gatherer and agrarian modes of cooperation is that, by creating substantial surpluses that allow more people to not engage in food production, the agrarian mode enables a new form of cooperation based on specialization.

All of this applies pretty directly to Krakoa and the resurrection ceremony that Magneto and Polaris are witnessing: as long as mutantdom was constantly fighting for survival (the time when “the greatest necessary traits in mutantdom” would be “strength and aggressiveness”), it was essentially stuck in a hunter-gatherer paradigm. But once mutantdom established themselves on Krakoa, “intelligence, ingenuity, and creativity” started to come to the fore: the Krakoan flowers and medications, Doug’s interface and the resulting Krakoan systems, KASA, Cerebro, and now a new one. Contrary to certain implications from the Librarian in Powers of X #6, rather than simply relying on their “natural” mutant powers, Krakoan society is technologizing them. 

The “Five” are a great example of this process at work. I’ll get more in detail on how this particular Krakoan biomachinery works when we get to the infographic (which brings together all of the information into one place), but there’s some more subtle details at work here:

I love how the (Fab) Five’s social/cultural status is prefigured by their on-page introduction, which looks like nothing so much as the slow-motion group shot from Resevoir Dogs combined with a supergroup pose complete with spotlights.

As many people have pointed out, Hickman’s reinterpretation of Goldballs’ “seemingly benign and pointless power” shows how a different social and technological context completely changes the way we think about the value of different x-genes. 

As someone who’s spent their fair share of time studying the history of science, I do like how much the Five’s introduction re-emphasizes themes of cooperation and specialization rather than the Lone Genius myth: even with Goldballs’ limitless “eggs,” he still needs Proteus to make the eggs viable, and so on and so forth. As Magneto puts it, ““separate...they are great mutants, but only significant, not transcendant. Together..."

An interesting commonality in Krakoan biotechnology is the use of psychics and other mutants - in this case, Hope plays a similar role to the Cuckoos in KASA - to allow the group to work in unison without the need for the literal hiveminds of the machine consciousness. Something to keep one’s eye on.  

At the same time, the Five’s biomachine relies on two other forms of technology of varying levels of technology. As the red diamond on the syringe confirms, Mister Sinister provides the DNA to grow the husks and (and this is one of the Big Reveals of the issue) Cerebro downloads the mind into the body. 

Playing her role in the Socratic dialogue admirably, Lorna raises the vital question of whether these clones are “just their bodies...not them.” What’s really interesting about Magneto’s response is that he’s not just talking about downloading the mind of the mutant, but also “the essence..the anima...[the] soul” of the mutant, which implies a pretty strongly spiritual conception of Cerebro’s primary purpose. (It’s an interestingly monist approach to the question of the soul as a form of data that can be copied, uploaded, downloaded, etc. I wonder what Nightcrawler thinks of this?)

Xavier’s statement that “even knowing I could bring you back...a part of me dies when any of you do” really backs up what I was talking about re: Xavier’s motivation for changing his worldview. Resurrection doesn’t change the emotional impact of death, especially since the system requires Xavier to be psychically linked to the X-Men he’s sending into harm’s way, so that he’s experiencing all their pain and suffering. This also reads quite differently in the wake of Powers of X #6, because it suggests that (quite aside from his broader plans for Krakoa), Xavier’s shift to being even more of a pragmatist has a lot to do with years of compounding trauma.

BTW, a clear sign that there is a high degree of continuity of consciousness going on is that Scott’s first thought after being resurrected is “did it work?” For all intents and purpsoes, this is the Scott Summers who died on Sol’s Forge.

We See Them, Do We Know Them?

I’m going to take this opportuntity to get on my high horse for a second and take parts of the X-fandom to task. While I wouldn’t go so far as to accuse anyone of arguing in bad faith, I do think there has been a tendency to not grapple with the text in an honest way when it comes to certain characters or themes, with the Resurrection Ceremony as Exhibit A in this tendency.

Rather than being about cults or nakedness (more on both of those soon), what this scene is actually about is the coming together of the foundational aspects of Krakoan society/culture, and how two groups of heroes - the five and the strike team - will be treated in this new world. 

As we might expect, there are both parallels and differences in how the Krakoan masses treat and are expected to treat these groups: as we’ll learn later from the Resurrection Infographic, the Five are “universally revered...as cultural paragons [something sacred to be treasured].” 

Storm’s exhortation provides the text that is supposed to shape and give purpose to this popular attitude, that the Krakoan masses should “love them...for they have righted the wrongs of men and defeated our great enemy death.” As with many RL human cultures, historic grievances are used to define in-group and out-group, but at the same time, the Five’s “miracle” is defined as a victory over “our great enemy death,” (which neatly ties together anti-mutant violence, mutant-specific epidemic diseases, all the forces of the “on the brink of extinction” stories we’ve seen for almost twenty years). 

Given that the Five are responsible for A. reversing mutant genocides which have directly and indirectly affected all mutants in profoundly traumatic ways B. making mutants functionally immortal, it would be utterly unprecedented if a cultural and social change of this magnitude did not have some element of spiritual or religious feeling behind it. World religions have been founded on far less than this.

By contrast, the Strike Team are described in more secular terms. For removing the existential threat of Mother Mold (let alone Nimrod) which had loomed over mutant society, Storm describes them as “heroes of Krakoa,” but not so much cultural heroes as secular military heroes who have made the ultimate sacrifice for their nation: “through their deaths...a great victory was won for our people.” 

Another sign of difference is that the Strike Team’s public reception is conditional, requiring a further ceremony where the community asks “we see them, but do we know them?” I love the way that Hickman turns the meta-question of whether these resurrected mutants are the real thing or “just clones” into a cultural question. 

Thus, he has Storm act as the Master of Ceremonies for a ritual that’s all about recognition and confirmation of individual and social identity, and uses X-comics continuity nods that readers will recognize in the same way that Storm does as the clues:

Cyclops remembers losing the leadership to Storm in UX #139, and I like this particular deep cut because it’s a great contrast to their present-day respect and affected, and because Scott’s inability to commit to his marriage to Madelyn Pryor will help kick off Inferno.

Similarly, Jean recalling line-for-line what she said to Storm in UX #242 works especially well because it’s a line about asserting your identity in the wake of death, resurrection, and the existential questions of cloning, and because once again it recalls Inferno. I’m not sure whether it’s a good sign or a bad sign that Hickman gets Jean’s voice better here when he’s quoting earlier authors rather than writing original dialogue.

And finally, in a great Rule of Three joke format, Monet breaks the pattern by going for a character beat - Monet has strong personal space boundaries - rather than a deep continuity callback.  

Having done my close-reading due diligence, let me get to the point: this is not a cult, and you don’t need to take much in the way of Anthropology coursework to see that. Call-and-response between an officiant and the congregation are incredibly common across many religions, as are ceremonies in which the individual’s membership in the group is confirmed, and so on and so forth. If you want to describe this as a cult, or cult-like, you need to point to qualities that are specific to cults as opposed to other forms of religious activity.

Similarly, I find it quite strange to describe Storm as acting out-of-character in this sequence. Storm, who’s all about giving speeches at the top of her lungs, who’s been worshipped as a goddess in multiple countries, would have a problem with giving a sermon and carrying out a basic ritual? This is the sort of thing that makes me think that a lot of these comments are just people trying to disguise personal preference as story critique.

The scene ends with pulling back to see Xavier and Magneto reacting to all of this, and their feeling of tempered joy is a pretty good synecdoche for how things stand at the end of HoX/Pox: while the “good work” is clearly a cause for joy, it’s clearly at a very early and vulnerable stage, and there’s a feeling of determination that it has to continue “until it is done.” Interestingly, both Charles and Erik view this aspect of Krakoa as more “foundational” than any other element, and I wonder whether this could be part of why they don’t quite see eye-to-eye with Moira any more.

Another sign that things are not as secure as they’d like is that Krakoa still hasn’t gotten over the hurdle of UN recognition, which requires getting around a veto from a permanent member of the Security Council.

Resurrection Infographic:

So let’s talk about the Resurrection process, now that we have all of the information in front of us.

The Infographic really confirms that Mister Sinister is absolutely crucial to the Genetic Base working - “without this, we have nothing.” But given that we learn in Powers of X #6 that this was very much in opposition to Moira’s wishes, I wonder how the original plan envisioned this working. I wonder whether Magneto’s statement to Emma Frost in Powers of X #5 that “we are not ahead of ourselves...we are woefully behind” suggests a motive. Mister Sinister already had a comprehensive DNA database on the go, they might have gone to him because they wanted to accelerate the time table for reversing the Genoshan genocide.

At the same time, you can already see how Sinister has become the snake in the garden. At the moment, Xavier and Magneto have “limited...current mutant modifications...to “optimal aging,” but we can already see Sinister’s influence in the line “it is believed that in the future, designer modifications will be possible.” Unless they are very, very careful, this is how the chimera singularity could topple all of this into the abyss of the singularity.

The Five:

As I discussed above, each of the Five are a crucial element of the overall process.

Fabio Medina (Goldballs): produces limitless eggs for limitless husks. Without Goldballs, the resurrection process would be extremely limited in how many people could be brought back at any time by all kinds of resource constraints; with him, the process can be turned into one of mass-production.

Kevin MacTaggart (Proteus): turns unviable eggs into viable eggs; without Proteus, Goldballs’ innovation would be effectively stillborn. Kevin’s presence here is also a strong indicator that this was part of Moira’s plan, so as with so much in HoX/PoX what we’re talking about is a question of means vs. ends. 

Joshua Foley (Elixir): “kick-start[s] the process of life, initializing cell replication and husk growth.” Without Elixir, the DNA might sit dormant within the egg; with Elixir, you have a bridge between the raw building blocks of life and the end product of a viable husk. 

Eva Bell (Tempus): “temporally mature[s] a husk to a desired age.” This is potentially an under-appreciated aspect of the whole process: without Tempus, you’d still have to wait decades for resurrected mutants to come to maturity and all throughout that time, the process would be incredibly vulnerable; with Tempus, mutants are brought back to life as fully-grown adults capable of doing their part for Krakoan society. 

Hope Summers (Hope): has the more nebulous task of “enhancing and synergizing...to ensure the success of each resurrection.” As Magneto explains, resurrection is “delicate, almost impossible work.” Hope’s unique power set allows her not only to boost the powers of the rest of the five, but also to improve coordination and thus quality control, so that the overall process has a success rate of 100%.  

As we can see already, this is a system with a lot of irreplacable parts, which means a bunch of potential points of failure. No wonder, then, that Krakoan minds are at work trying to overcome these problems. We already see that “Synch or Mimic” have been floated as “upgrades/extensions/stand-ins” for the Five, which suggests that they’re already thinking about ways to improve functionality by adding to the “circuit” or about ways to maintain service if one of the Five needs to be replaced. 

Similarly, I love how the “Proteus problem” shows how Resurrection is changing our perceptions of so many things in Krakoan society. From his introduction, Proteus has been shown as inherently dangerous because of the way that his powers damage his body - but with the Resurrection system, Proteus is just a mutant who happens to have a chronic illness that can be treated. One interesting question...why is Proteus’ “backup mutant husk” based on Charles Xavier? Charles isn’t his father, so it’s not a question of genetic compatibility. 

The Mind:

Here’s where we really get into the philosophy of identity. Hickman gets really emphatic here that these are not “just clones,” because the backups include “the essence of each mutant, how they think, how they feel, their memories, their very being.” 

I’m personally inclined to agree with Hickman. Even without transference of consciousness as a real thing, I don’t think a strict view of continuity of consciousness can really hold, given the fact there are plenty of breaks in said continuity - we don’t consider people who get knocked out or blackout drunk or just have a nap to no longer be the same person, so what’s the rationale for saying that any of the Strike Team aren’t the same people who they were before?

I also love how the Cerebro part of the system adds all kinds of new problems: there’s the technical complexity of scanning every mutant mind on the planet and then storing and copying that datat to “multiple redundant “cradles,” as well as new philosophical and ethical issues about what happens when you put someone’s mind in someone else’s body, etc. More on this in a bit. 

Scale:

So at least at the time that this document was written, it looks like the mutant population is back to 100,000 (although how much was the Five isn’t clear), but that there are 1 million de-powered mutants (many of whom might want to use the system to regain their powers), and 16 million mutants who were murdered and whose resurrection is a key ideological drive for Krakoa.

As Hickman points out, this brings up issues of productivity and efficiency that we’re used to seeing in industrial and technological processes. The Five’s initial rate of 200 a day would take 300 years to accomplish the goal of reversing Krakoan genocide, which is way too long a timeline.

However, it turns out that there’s a mutant version of Moore’s law: the more the Five do this, the better they get at it (with a nice nod to Wolverine, so “its estimated that capabilities could possibly reach around 30,000 a week” (or 6,000 a day), bringing the timeline down to a far more manageable decade. 

A final bottleneck: Charles Xavier “is not capable of” 6,000 daily downloads, and we already seen Krakoan minds thinking about “a workaraound or a team of telepaths” to supplement someone who’s also busy attending U.N meetings, Quiet Council sessions, plotting world domination, etc.

On a policy wonk side note, I was trying to figure out how Hickman worked out these numbers, and I realized that his math assumes that Krakoa has a five day work-week. As we’ll see in House of X #6, there are major open questions about what kind of economic policy (and thus, what kind of society) this new nation-state will have. Good to see that Actual 19th Century Robber Baron Sebastian Shaw isn’t getting his own way.

One particularly odd thing about Krakoan biomachinery, according to “extensive testing,” the Five don’t actually experience “exertion,” but rather a “blissful experience” of self-actualization. This suggests the psychological equivalent of a perpetual motion machine - rather than requiring more and more labor, the damn thing requires less and less and produces “total fulfillment” as a byproduct. Weird.

Another interesting side effect is that the Five have become “an inseparable family unit” who are undergoing a process of symbiosis - given all the discussion of mechanical hiveminds, it’s worth wondering whether we’re seeing a biological one forming and to what extend is individuality being maintained.

A final, slightly odd note: this Infographic describes the Five’s socio-cultural status as that of “cultural paragons” rather than “something achievable through works,” even though the Five are explicitly described as having carried out “good works.” So what gives?

Resurrection Protocol:

One last bottleneck: the whole process seems to take at least 42 and as much as 52 hours to complete. Although they can clearly work on multiple eggs in one batch, getting that figure down would no doubt be useful in further increasing productivity.

An interesting sign of the cultural/philosophical impacts of the system: Krakoan society now has “fears regarding duplication” of an explicit moral character, and thus requires an elaborate system of confirmation to bring someone back from the dead. Thus, we start to see the formation of mutant law-enforcement entities to deal with “mutant missing persons and suspected deaths and murders,” which is presumably going to be X-Factor rather than X-Force as initially believed (since X-Force turns out to be the intelligence service instead).

A Grateful Nation:

Speaking of the burdens of statecraft, the scene shifts to the aftermath of the U.N recognition vote, where it emerges that Emma Frost used her telepathy to push the Russian ambassador to abstain rather than veto, which Xavier is ok with. Krakoa is now an internationally-recognized nation-state in good standing, something that previous mutant nations never quite managed. 

This gave some parts of the fandom a good deal of trouble, but let me say as someone who’s taken a couple courses in diplomatic history, this is really quite mild stuff compared to the usual run of vote selling, wiretapping, blackmail, threats of economic or military retaliation, and other kinds of skullduggery and corruption. The world of nation-states is not one of moral purity.

Also, if we’re talking about characters being in and out of character, as much as Charles Xavier has been described as an idealist when it comes to his ultimate ends, he’s always been a pragmatist when it comes to his means when it comes to psychic powers. Mental compulsion, altering or erasing memories, mind-wiping people into mental vegetables - as long as it’s for the greater good. 

I’m curious what Emma Frost’s reward will be. This scene explicitly comes after she made her bargain with Xavier and Magneto for a fifty-year monopoly for the Hellfire Trading Company and three seats on the Quiet Council, so I wonder what this bonus will be.

Mutant Diplomacy Infographic:

Speaking of the moral ambiguity of international relations, we learn from this infographic that “all current mutant diplomacy...is dependent on relationships with human nations centering on their need for mutant pharmaceuticals.” On the one hand, it’s better than basing your diplomacy on military aid. On the other hand, it’s notable that Krakoa isn’t building its diplomacy on the basis of human rights or cultural exchange or other elements of “soft power,” it’s all very transactional. (It’s also not a good sign that “nations that have rejected a trade treaty with Krakoa are considered to be naturally adversarial.)

We then get a list of non-treaty nations. Some of these inclusions make sense, others are a bit puzzling, and I have some questions about why certain nations didn’t make the list.

Asia:

Why just Iran in the Middle East? OPEC should be losing their minds about the potential for Krakoan portals to undermine the value of oil. Likewise, plenty of Middle Eastern regimes might be worried about other ethnic minorities using the Krakoan precedent to redouble their own pushes for national independence. And if it’s religious ideology, why is it only a Shia issue and not a Sunni issue?

Madripoor: given where Krakoa is located, this is probably an issue of being afraid of a new power in their sphere of influence. Also, Madripoor has tended to get up to a lot of mutant-related crimes, so they’d probably be worried about this.

North Korea: this being listed as an ideological issue is a bit strange. The official state ideology of North Korea is really peculiar, even among putatively Communist regimes, so it’s hard to tell 

Europe:

I imagine the E.U’s role in negotiating trade deals probably is responsible for the relative lack of European nations on the list, but I’m surprised that none of the right-wing populist governments that have sprung up in central/eastern Europe in recent years who aren’t particularly friendly to real world minorities wouldn’t have an issue with a powerful nation of mutants.

Latveria: probably because Doom is a paranoid, egomaniacal autocrat who pursues economic autarky generally. I am curious, however, about other Marvel-specific nation states - we know that Namor isn’t going to go to Krakoa, but what is Atlantis’ foreign policy on this issue? What do the Inhumans think? Etc.

Russi: as we’ve seen from House of X #1, Russia fears a new global superpower. What’s interesting is we don’t see them exerting any successful influence on Central Asian or Baltic or ex-Soviet eastern European nations. 

South America:

Brazil: is this Bolsanaro's cultural conservatism at work or something else? Because...

Venezuela: is kind of on the opposite end of the spectrum from Brazil’s current government, so it would be odd to see them on the same side of this issue. The only thing I can think of is that this might be due to Chavezista anti-imperialism. Because...

Santo Marco: contrary to what Magneto said in House of X #1, mutants have not been entirely free of the sins of conquest and imperialism, and in one of his first appearances, Magneto conquered the Republic of Santo Marco and ruled it in an extremely brutal fashion. That’s the kind of thing people remember for a long time, so I’m not surprised that you see some South American countries taking a negative view of Krakoa as a result.

Terra Verde: Similarly, Terra Verde’s government was briefly overthrown by the supervillain Diablo, and although mutants were not involved, they may be generally wary of superpower-led nation states. 

Central America:

Honduras: it’s not that I think it’s implausible, but what makes Honduras different from other Central American countries on this issue?

Africa:

This is where we get a potentially really juicy plot hook. As late as X-Men Red, Wakanda has been generally positive towards mutants, especially since not only does T’challa have a personal relationship with Storm, but in the current run of Black Panther, Storm has been popularly worshipped as Hadari Yao, the Walker of Clouds. 

Given that Wakanda is seen as a threat because “they do not need mutant drugs,” this may be a case of Krakoan/Moira’s paranoia that Wakanda’s advanced technology and self-sufficiency might mean that the post-human revolution might start there. 

At the same time, the fact that the rest of the “Wakandan economic protectorate” also reject a trade treaty might suggest that we’re just seeing a simple story of nation-state competition for spheres of influence.

Krakoa Is For All Mutants:

In a very straight-forward example of X-Men dissenting from Xavier’s plan, we see Wolverine - who’s about to take up a significant post in Krakoa’s national security infrastructure - has a big enough problem with the amnesty program that he mentions wanting to beat “Chuck” to death for general smugness and condescension. 

A whole bunch of supervillains cross-over, but while some of them will become significant as members of the Quiet Council or Captains, Apocalypse is framed as the most significant one, because he’s the only one with a pre-existing connection to Krakoa

Indeed, he goes full Disney Princess on page 27 because Krakoa “knows me, and I Krakoa,” which might be a big problem later on if Krakoan’s earlier and deeper connections to Apocalypse come into conflict with its more recent alliances with Cypher and Xavier.

At the same time, at least for the moment Apocalypse is the most ideologically on board with Xavier’s broader project, seeing it as the culmination of his life’s work. 

Thus, he’s happy to say the words: “we submit to the laws of this land, be what they may, and acknowledge from this day forward, we all serve a higher purpose than want or need. One people from this day forward.” It’s an oath of citizenship, but it also speaks to the conditionality of the amnesty. And there are penalties for breaking it. 

[seldo]

Databases: how they work, and a brief history

My twitter-friend Simon had a simple question that contained much complexity: how do databases work?

Ok, so databases really confuse me, like how do databases even work?

— Simon Legg (@simonleggsays) November 18, 2019

I don't have a job at the moment, and I really love databases and also teaching things to web developers, so this was a perfect storm for me:

To what level of detail would you like an answer? I love databases.

— Laurie Voss (@seldo) November 18, 2019

The result was an absurdly long thread of 70+ tweets, in which I expounded on the workings and history of databases as used by modern web developers, and Simon chimed in on each tweet with further questions and requests for clarification. The result of this collaboration was a super fun tiny explanation of databases which many people said they liked, so here it is, lightly edited for clarity.

What is a database?

Let's start at the very most basic thing, the words we're using: a "database" literally just means "a structured collection of data". Almost anything meets this definition – an object in memory, an XML file, a list in HTML. It's super broad, so we call some radically different things "databases".

The thing people use all the time is, formally, a Database Management System, abbreviated to DBMS. This is a piece of software that handles access to the pile of data. Technically one DBMS can manage multiple databases (MySQL and postgres both do this) but often a DBMS will have just one database in it.

Because it's so frequent that the DBMS has one DB in it we often call a DBMS a "database". So part of the confusion around databases for people new to them is because we call so many things the same word! But it doesn't really matter, you can call an DBMS a "database" and everyone will know what you mean. MySQL, Redis, Postgres, RedShift, Oracle etc. are all DBMS.

So now we have a mental model of a "database", really a DBMS: it is a piece of software that manages access to a pile of structured data for you. DBMSes are often written in C or C++, but it can be any programming language; there are databases written in Erlang and JavaScript. One of the key differences between DBMSes is how they structure the data.

Relational databases

Relational databases, also called RDBMS, model data as a table, like you'd see in a spreadsheet. On disk this can be as simple as comma-separated values: one row per line, commas between columns, e.g. a classic example is a table of fruits:

apple,10,5.00 orange,5,6.50

The DBMS knows the first column is the name, the second is the number of fruits, the third is the price. Sometimes it will store that information in a different database! Sometimes the metadata about what the columns are will be in the database file itself. Because it knows about the columns, it can handle niceties for you: for example, the first column is a string, the second is an integer, the third is dollar values. It can use that to make sure it returns those columns to you correctly formatted, and it can also store numbers more efficiently than just strings of digits.

In reality a modern database is doing a whole bunch of far more clever optimizations than just comma separated values but it's a mental model of what's going on that works fine. The data all lives on disk, often as one big file, and the DBMS caches parts of it in memory for speed. Sometimes it has different files for the data and the metadata, or for indexes that make it easier to find things quickly, but we can safely ignore those details.

RDBMS are older, so they date from a time when memory was really expensive, so they usually optimize for keeping most things on disk and only put some stuff in memory. But they don't have to: some RDBMS keep everything in memory and never write to disk. That makes them much faster!

Is it still a database if all the structured data stays in memory? Sure. It's a pile of structured data. Nothing in that definition says a disk needs to be involved.

So what does the "relational" part of RDBMS mean? RDBMS have multiple tables of data, and they can relate different tables to each other. For instance, imagine a new table called "Farmers":

IDName 1bob 2susan

and we modify the Fruits table:

Farmer IDFruitQuantityPrice 1apple105.00 1orange56.50 2apple206.00 2orange14.75

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The Farmers table gives each farmer a name and an ID. The Fruits table now has a column that gives the Farmer ID, so you can see which farmer has which fruit at which price.

Why's that helpful? Two reasons: space and time. Space because it reduces data duplication. Remember, these were invented when disks were expensive and slow! Storing the data this way lets you only list "susan" once no matter how many fruits she has. If she had a hundred kinds of fruit you'd be saving quite a lot of storage by not repeating her name over and over. The time reason comes in if you want to change Susan's name. If you repeated her name hundreds of times you would have to do a write to disk for each one (and writes were very slow at the time this was all designed). That would take a long time, plus there's a chance you could miss one somewhere and suddenly Susan would have two names and things would be confusing.

Relational databases make it easy to do certain kinds of queries. For instance, it's very efficient to find out how many fruits there are in total: you just add up all the numbers in the Quantity column in Fruits, and you never need to look at Farmers at all. It's efficient and because the DBMS knows where the data is you can say "give me the sum of the quantity colum" pretty simply in SQL, something like SELECT SUM(Quantity) FROM Fruits. The DBMS will do all the work.

NoSQL databases

So now let's look at the NoSQL databases. These were a much more recent invention, and the economics of computer hardware had changed: memory was a lot cheaper, disk space was absurdly cheap, processors were a lot faster, and programmers were very expensive. The designers of newer databases could make different trade-offs than the designers of RDBMS.

The first difference of NoSQL databases is that they mostly don't store things on disk, or do so only once in a while as a backup. This can be dangerous – if you lose power you can lose all your data – but often a backup from a few minutes or seconds ago is fine and the speed of memory is worth it. A database like Redis writes everything to disk every 200ms or so, which is hardly any time at all, while doing all the real work in memory.

A lot of the perceived performance advantages of "noSQL" databases is just because they keep everything in memory and memory is very fast and disks, even modern solid-state drives, are agonizingly slow by comparison. It's nothing to do with whether the database is relational or not-relational, and nothing at all to do with SQL.

But the other thing NoSQL database designers did was they abandoned the "relational" part of databases. Instead of the model of tables, they tended to model data as objects with keys. A good mental model of this is just JSON:

[ {"name":"bob"} {"name":"susan","age":55} ]

Again, just as a modern RDBMS is not really writing CSV files to disk but is doing wildly optimized stuff, a NoSQL database is not storing everything as a single giant JSON array in memory or disk, but you can mentally model it that way and you won't go far wrong. If I want the record for Bob I ask for ID 0, Susan is ID 1, etc..

One advantage here is that I don't need to plan in advance what I put in each record, I can just throw anything in there. It can be just a name, or a name and an age, or a gigantic object. With a relational DB you have to plan out columns in advance, and changing them later can be tricky and time-consuming.

Another advantage is that if I want to know everything about a farmer, it's all going to be there in one record: their name, their fruits, the prices, everything. In a relational DB that would be more complicated, because you'd have to query the farmers and fruits tables at the same time, a process called "joining" the tables. The SQL "JOIN" keyword is one way to do this.

One disadvantage of storing records as objects like this, formally called an "object store", is that if I want to know how many fruits there are in total, that's easy in an RDBMS but harder here. To sum the quantity of fruits, I have to retrieve each record, find the key for fruits, find all the fruits, find the key for quantity, and add these to a variable. The DBMS for the object store may have an API to do this for me if I've been consistent and made all the objects I stored look the same. But I don't have to do that, so there's a chance the quantities are stored in different places in different objects, making it quite annoying to get right. You often have to write code to do it.

But sometimes that's okay! Sometimes your app doesn't need to relate things across multiple records, it just wants all the data about a single key as fast as possible. Relational databases are best for the former, object stores the best for the latter, but both types can answer both types of questions.

Some of the optimizations I mentioned both types of DBMS use are to allow them to answer the kinds of questions they're otherwise bad at. RDBMS have "object" columns these days that let you store object-type things without adding and removing columns. Object stores frequently have "indexes" that you can set up to be able to find all the keys in a particular place so you can sum up things like Quantity or search for a specific Fruit name fast.

So what's the difference between an "object store" and a "noSQL" database? The first is a formal name for anything that stores structured data as objects (not tables). The second is... well, basically a marketing term. Let's digress into some tech history!

The self-defeating triumph of MySQL

Back in 1995, when the web boomed out of nowhere and suddenly everybody needed a database, databases were mostly commercial software, and expensive. To the rescue came MySQL, invented 1995, and Postgres, invented 1996. They were free! This was a radical idea and everybody adopted them, partly because nobody had any money back then – the whole idea of making money from websites was new and un-tested, there was no such thing as a multi-million dollar seed round. It was free or nothing.

The primary difference between PostgreSQL and MySQL was that Postgres was very good and had lots of features but was very hard to install on Windows (then, as now, the overwhelmingly most common development platform for web devs). MySQL did almost nothing but came with a super-easy installer for Windows. The result was MySQL completely ate Postgres' lunch for years in terms of market share.

Lots of database folks will dispute my assertion that the Windows installer is why MySQL won, or that MySQL won at all. But MySQL absolutely won, and it was because of the installer. MySQL became so popular it became synonymous with "database". You started any new web app by installing MySQL. Web hosting plans came with a MySQL database for free by default, and often no other databases were even available on cheaper hosts, which further accelerated MySQL's rise: defaults are powerful.

The result was people using mySQL for every fucking thing, even for things it was really bad at. For instance, because web devs move fast and change things they had to add new columns to tables all the time, and as I mentioned RDBMS are bad at that. People used MySQL to store uploaded image files, gigantic blobs of binary data that have no place in a DBMS of any kind.

People also ran into a lot of problems with RDBMS and MySQL in particular being optimized for saving memory and storing everything on disk. It made huge databases really slow, and meanwhile memory had got a lot cheaper. Putting tons of data in memory had become practical.

The rise of in-memory databases

The first software to really make use of how cheap memory had become was Memcache, released in 2003. You could run your ordinary RDBMS queries and just throw the results of frequent queries into Memcache, which stored them in memory so they were way, WAY faster to retrieve the second time. It was a revolution in performance, and it was an easy optimization to throw into your existing, RDBMS-based application.

By 2009 somebody realized that if you're just throwing everything in a cache anyway, why even bother having an RDBMS in the first place? Enter MongoDB and Redis, both released in 2009. To contrast themselves with the dominant "MySQL" they called themselves "NoSQL".

What's the difference between an in-memory cache like Memcache and an in-memory database like Redis or MongoDB? The answer is: basically nothing. Redis and Memcache are fundamentally almost identical, Redis just has much better mechanisms for retrieving and accessing the data in memory. A cache is a kind of DB, Memcache is a DBMS, it's just not as easy to do complex things with it as Redis.

Part of the reason Mongo and Redis called themselves NoSQL is because, well, they didn't support SQL. Relational databases let you use SQL to ask questions about relations across tables. Object stores just look up objects by their key most of the time, so the expressiveness of SQL is overkill. You can just make an API call like get(1) to get the record you want.

But this is where marketing became a problem. The NoSQL stores (being in memory) were a lot faster than the relational DBMS (which still mostly used disk). So people got the idea that SQL was the problem, that SQL was why RDBMS were slow. The name "NoSQL" didn't help! It sounded like getting rid of SQL was the point, rather than a side effect. But what most people liked about the NoSQL databases was the performance, and that was just because memory is faster than disk!

Of course, some people genuinely do hate SQL, and not having to use SQL was attractive to them. But if you've built applications of reasonable complexity on both an RDBMS and an object store you'll know that complicated queries are complicated whether you're using SQL or not. I have a lot of love for SQL.

If putting everything in memory makes your database faster, why can't you build an RDBMS that stores everything in memory? You can, and they exist! VoltDB is one example. They're nice! Also, MySQL and Postgres have kind of caught up to the idea that machines have lots more RAM now, so you can configure them to keep things mostly in memory too, so their default performance is a lot better and their performance after being tuned by an expert can be phenomenal.

So anything that's not a relational database is technically a "NoSQL" database. Most NoSQL databases are object stores but that's really just kind of a historical accident.

How does my app talk to a database?

Now we understand how a database works: it's software, running on a machine, managing data for you. How does your app talk to the database over a network and get answers to queries? Are all databases just a single machine?

The answer is: every DBMS, whether relational or object store, is a piece of software that runs on machine(s) that hold the data. There's massive variation: some run on 1 machine, some on clusters of 5-10, some run across thousands of separate machines all at once.

The DBMS software does the management of the data, in memory or on disk, and it presents an API that can be accessed locally, and also more importantly over the network. Sometimes this is a web API like you're used to, literally making GET and POST calls over HTTP to the database. For other databases, especially the older ones, it's a custom protocol.

Either way, you run a piece of software in your app, usually called a Client. That client knows the protocol for talking to the database, whether it's HTTP or WhateverDBProtocol. You tell it where the database server is on the network, it sends queries over and gets responses. Sometimes the queries are literally strings of text, like "SELECT * FROM Fruits", sometimes they are JSON payloads describing records, and any number of other variations.

As a starting point, you can think of the client running on your machine talking over the network to a database running on another machine. Sometimes your app is on dozens of machines, and the database is a single IP address with thousands of machines pretending to be one machine. But it works pretty much the same either way.

The way you tell your client "where" the DB is is your connection credentials, often expressed as a string like "http://username:password@mydb.com:1234" or "mongodb://...". But this is just a convenient shorthand. All your client really needs to talk to a database is the DNS name (like mydb.com) or an IP address (like 205.195.134.39), plus a port (1234). This tells the network which machine to send the query to, and what "door" to knock on when it gets there.

A little about ports: machines listen on specific ports for things, so if you send something to port 80, the machine knows the query is for your web server, but if you send it to port 1234, it knows the query is for your database. Who picks 1234 (In the case of Postgres, it's literally 5432)? There's no rhyme or reason to it. The developers pick a number that's easy to remember between 1 and 65,535 (the highest port number available) and hope that no other popular piece of software is already using it.

Usually you'll also have a username and password to connect to the database, because otherwise anybody who found your machine could connect to your database and get all the data in it. Forgetting that this is true is a really common source of security breaches!

There are bad people on the internet who literally just try every single IP in the world and send data to the default port for common databases and try to connect without a username or password to see if they can. If it works, they take all the data and then ransom it off. Yikes! Always make sure your database has a password.

Of course, sometimes you don't talk to your database over a network. Sometimes your app and your database live on the same machine. This is common in desktop software but very rare in web apps. If you've ever heard of a "database driver", the "driver" is the equivalent of the "client", but for talking to a local database instead of over a network.

Replication and scaling

Remember I said some databases run on just 1 machine, and some run on thousands of machines? That's known as replication. If you have more than one copy of a piece of data, you have a "replica" of that data, hence the name.

Back in the old days hardware was expensive so it was unusual to have replicas of your data running at the same time. It was expensive. Instead you'd back up your data to tape or something, and if the database went down because the hardware wore out or something, then you'd buy new hardware and (hopefully) reinstall your DBMS and restore the data in a few hours.

Web apps radically changed people's demands of databases. Before web apps, most databases weren't being continuously queried by the public, just a few experts inside normal working hours, and they would wait patiently if the database broke. With a web app you can't have minutes of downtime, far less hours, so replication went from being a rare feature of expensive databases to pretty much table stakes for every database. The initial form of replication was a "hot spare".

If you ran a hot spare, you'd have your main DBMS machine, which handled all queries, and a replica DBMS machine that would copy every single change that happened on the primary to itself. Primary was called m****r and the replica s***e because the latter did whatever the former told it to do, and at the time nobody considered how horrifying that analogy was. These days we call those things "primary/secondary" or "primary/replica" or for more complicated arrangements things like "root/branch/leaf".

Sometimes, people would think having a hot spare meant they didn't need a backup. This is a huge mistake! Remember, the replica copies every change in the main database. So if you accidentally run a command that deletes all the data in your primary database, it will automatically delete all the data in the replica too. Replicas are not backups, as the bookmarking site Magnolia famously learned.

People soon realized having a whole replica machine sitting around doing nothing was a waste, so to be more efficient they changed where traffic went: all the writes would go to the primary, which would copy everything to the replicas, and all the reads would go to the replicas. This was great for scale!

Instead of having 1 machine worth of performance (and you could swap to the hot spare if it failed, and still have 1 machine of performance with no downtime) suddenly you had X machines of performance, where X could be dozens or even hundreds. Very helpful!

But primary/secondary replication of this kind has two drawbacks. First, if a write has arrived at the primary database but not yet replicated to all the secondary machines (which can take half a second if the machines are far apart or overloaded) then somebody reading from the replica can get an answer that's out of date. This is known as a "consistency" failure, and we'll talk about it more later.

The second flaw with primary/second replication is if the primary fails, suddenly you can no longer write to your database. To restore the ability to do writes, you have to take one of the replicas and "promote" it to primary, and change all the other replicas to point at this new primary box. It's time-consuming and notoriously error-prone.

So newer databases invented different ways of arranging the machines, formally called "network topology". If you think of the way machines connect to each other as a diagram, the topology is the shape of that diagram. Primary/secondary looks like a star. Root/branch/leaf looks like a tree. But you can have a ring structure, or a mesh structure, or lots of others. A mesh structure is a lot of fun and very popular, so let's talk about more about them.

Mesh replication databases

In a mesh structure, every machine is talking to every other machine and they all have some portion of the data. You can send a write to any machine and it will either store it, or figure out what machine should store it and send it to that machine. Likewise, you can query any machine in the mesh, and it will give you the answer if it has the data, or forward your request to a machine that does. There's no "primary" machine to fail. Neat!

Because each machine can get away with storing only some of the data and not all of it, a mesh database can store much, much more data than a single machine could store. If 1 machine could store X data, then N machines could theoretically store N*X data. You can almost scale infinitely that way! It's very cool.

Of course, if each record only existed on one machine, then if that machine failed you'd lose those records. So usually in a mesh network more than one machine will have a copy of any individual record. That means you can lose machines without losing data or experiencing downtime; there are other copies lying around. In some mesh databases can also add a new machine to the mesh and the others will notice it and "rebalance" data, increasing the capacity of the database without any downtime. Super cool.

So a mesh topology is a lot more complicated but more resilient, and you can scale it without having to take the database down (usually). This is very nice, but can go horribly wrong if, for instance, there's a network error and suddenly half the machines can't see the other half of the machines in the mesh. This is called a "network partition" and it's a super common failure in large networks. Usually a partition will last only a couple of seconds but that's more than enough to fuck up a database. We'll talk about network partitions shortly.

One important question about a mesh DB is: how do you connect to it? Your client needs to know an IP address to connect to a database. Does it need to know the IP addresses of every machine in the mesh? And what happens when you add and remove machines from the mesh? Sounds messy.

Different Mesh DBs do it differently, but usually you get a load balancer, another machine that accepts all the incoming connections and works out which machine in the mesh should get the question and hands it off. Of course, this means the load balancer can fail, hosing your DB. So usually you'll do some kind of DNS/IP trickery where there are a handful of load balancers all responding on the same domain name or IP address.

The end result is your client magically just needs to know only one name or IP, and that IP always responds because the load balancer always sends you to a working machine.

CAP theory

This brings us neatly to a computer science term often used to talk about databases which is Consistency, Availability, and Partition tolerance, aka CAP or "CAP theory". The basic rule of CAP theory is: you can't have all 3 of Consistency, Availability and Partition Tolerance at the same time. Not because we're not smart enough to build a database that good, but because doing so violates physics.

Consistency means, formally: every query gets the correct, most up-to-date answer (or an error response saying you can't have it).

Availability means: every query gets an answer (but it's not guaranteed to be the correct one).

Partition Tolerance means: if the network craps out, the database will continue to work.

You can already see how these conflict! If you're 100% Available it means by definition you'll never give an error response, so sometimes the data will be out of date, i.e. not Consistent. If your database is Partition Tolerant, on the other hand, it keeps working even if machine A can't talk to machine B, and machine A might have a more recent write than B, so machine B will give stale (i.e. not Consistent) responses to keep working.

So let's think about how CAP theorem applies across the topologies we already talked about.

A single DB on a single machine is definitely Consistent (there's only one copy of the data) and Partition Tolerant (there's no network inside of it to crap out) but not Available because the machine itself can fail, e.g. the hardware could literally break or power could go out.

A primary DB with several replicas is Available (if one replica fails you can ask another) and Partition Tolerant (the replicas will respond even if they're not receiving writes from the primary) but not Consistent (because as mentioned earlier, the replicas might not have every primary write yet).

A mesh DB is extremely Available (all the nodes always answer) and Partition Tolerant (just try to knock it over! It's delightfully robust!) but can be extremely inconsistent because two different machines on the mesh could get a write to the same record at the same time and fight about which one is "correct".

This is the big disadvantage to mesh DBs, which otherwise are wonderful. Sometimes it's impossible to know which of two simultaneous writes is the "winner". There's no single authority, and Very Very Complicated Algorithms are deployed trying to prevent fights breaking out between machines in the mesh about this, with highly variable levels of success and gigantic levels of pain when they inevitably fail. You can't get all three of CAP and Consistency is what mesh networks lose.

In all databases, CAP isn't a set of switches where you are or aren't Consistent, Available, or Partition Tolerant. It's more like a set of sliders. Sliding up the Partition Tolerance generally slides down Consistency, sliding down Availability will give you more Consistency, etc etc.. Every DBMS picks some combination of CAP and picking the right database is often a matter of choosing what CAP combination is appropriate for your application.

Other topologies

Some other terms you frequently hear in the world of databases are "partitions" (which are different from the network partitions of CAP theorem) and "shards". These are both additional topologies available to somebody designing a database. Let's talk about shards first.

Imagine a primary with multiple replicas, but instead of each replica having all the data, each replica has a slice (or shard) of the data. You can slice the data lots of ways. If the database was people, you could have 26 shards, one with all names starting with A, one with all the names starting with B, etc..

Sharding can be helpful if the data is too big to all fit on one disk at a time. This is less of a problem than it used to be because virtual machines these days can effectively have infinity-sized hard drives.

The disadvantage of sharding is it's less Available: if you lose a shard, you lose everybody who starts with that letter! (Of course, your shards can also have replicas...) Plus your software needs to know where all the shards are and which one to ask a question. It's fiddly. Many of the problems of sharded databases are solved by using mesh topologies instead.

Partitions are another way of splitting up a database, but instead of splitting it across many machines, it splits the database across many files in a single machine. This is an old pattern that was useful when you had really powerful hardware and really slow disks, because you could install multiple disks into a single machine and put different partitions on each one, speeding up your achingly slow, disk-based database. These days there's not a lot of reason to use partitions of this kind.

Fin

That concludes this impromptu Databases 101 seminar! I hope you enjoyed learning a little bit more about this fantastically fun and critically important genre of software. from Seldo.Com Feed https://ift.tt/32XwZth

[scifrey]

From Signing to Signing

Congratulations! You’ve signed with your first literary agent, and they love your manuscript! Huzzah! Bravo! Cheers! Mazel Tov!

… now what?

What happens next?

Working with your Agent

After you’ve had “The Talk” with your agent, and agreed to sign on as a client, one of the first things you will likely discuss with them will be what revisions they would like to see done on your existing manuscript (unless you already revised the book as a condition of offer).

You will likely also have a conversation about what other manuscripts you currently either have already complete, or what ideas you may have for future books or - if the book you signed on has series potential - where to go with the next books.

Remember, your agent is your ally for your future career, and they are the ones with their eyes on the market.

Shopping your Manuscript

Once your manuscript edits are complete and your book is ready to be sent out to publishers and editors for consideration, your agent will work with your to build a Shopping or Pitch package. This is where those Back Cover Copy, 1-3-5 Page synopsis, Market Comparisons, Series Potential, etc. documents that you ought to have been writing while you were sending the books out to agents to consider come in.

When you’re both happy with what you have, your agent will start sending out letters of interest (these days, more like emails of interest) to the industry connections they have. Editors, publishers, etc. They’ll talk it up at conferences and list it in their available properties if that’s something they do. They’ll work with the agency’s foreign rights partners and dramatic adaptations partners to pitch the manuscript around those parts as well.

You’ll likely get some nos, some partial or full reads and a pass, or some interest. The ideal is to have several editors at multiple houses wanting to acquire the book, which would result in a bidding war.  

Once you have an offer, you and your agent will discuss the terms of the offer (it may include a book tour, it may not; it may include an advance, it may not; it may include an audio book, it may not, etc.), request any desired changes to the phrasing or clauses, and then sign it.

At this point, the work of turning your manuscript into a book passes out of your agent’s hands and into your acquiring editor’s.

Working with your Publishing House

Editing

Once all the paperwork is signed with your publisher, your acquiring agent will reach out to you with a formal Editing Letter. You will likely have been in contact with them already, talking about the book and what they loved about it, and where they see it fitting in their hourse’s roster and marketing plants. But this will be the first real notice that it’s Go Time.

The letter will outline the strengths of the manuscript, and discuss any changes they propose. You can always talk with your editor if something is unclear, doesn’t seem to sit right, or would impede future narrative plans. Always make sure you guys have a through understanding of what you’re each talking about and are completely on the same page before diving back into revisions.

Sometimes these revisions are substantial and include complete burn-and-rewrites, and sometimes they’re like, four little notes. It all depends on what serves the manuscript best to make it a strong book product.

Once you and your editor are satisfied with the rewrites, a timeline for publication will likely be set, and the great spinning wheel of turning this manuscript into a Book starts cranking into motion.

Copyediting

Next, your manuscript will be handed off to a proofreader and copyeditor. Their job is to hunt down and destroy all those typos, comma splices, and mistaken homonyms.

Depending on the size of the publishing house, this might be the same person as your acquiring editor, or a freelancer they hire, or an in-house copyeditor. Either way, these edits should all serve to strengthen your manuscript, so if at some point you’re reviewing them and something is clashing, or they’re stripping out the voice, talk to your acquiring editor about it.

You may have a few back and forths, depending on what you want to accept or reject in their proposed changes.

Cover

Likely, you’ll have already been discussing your ideas for the cover with your acquiring editor. Remember, you as the writer don’t actually have the power to dictate or veto the cover ideas, but of course as the person who knows the story best you will be asked your opinion. Different publishers include authors to different extents in this discussion process.

Usually a cover is completed far enough in advance of the book that it can be used as the jumping off point for the Buzz Building that will take place in the 3 -12 months prior to the book’s release date.

Discuss with your editor what their marketing department has planned for the cover release, and loop your agent into this discussion so all three of you can strategize together.

Interior Design & Galleys

The next time you see you manuscript, it will be book shaped! After everyone’s signed off on the edits, your manuscript is forwarded on to a typesetter/interior designer, who will lay it out in book format. This is the time when they’ll add things like illustrations, if your book comes with them, or specific fanciful scene separators, or the title page.

Any specific imagery or layout choices will have likely already been discussed with your acquiring editor before this time, so now is the moment to review the book and make sure that it was translated onto the page correctly.

A “galley” is basically a dress-rehearsal for your book. You’ll be asked to review it (and hopefully with at least a few weeks lead time so you’re not rushed), and make sure that not only are major mistakes (like two chapter 4s and no chapter 5 ) or small weird formatting concerns (like cut off lines, or things that are italic which should not be or vice versa), or something else is wonky.

Where I’m given the lead time, I prefer to be able to print this out and see it “book shaped” to get a sense of the whole product, not just the story.

You’ll be asked to send back your fixes and then, for really reals, the book will be out of your hands forever. That’s it! No more changes! All done!

Marketing and ARCs

A lot of this work will probably actually take place alongside your work on what was requested of you in your Editing Letter.

Once you have your cover (and it’s been released), you can start using it in your own marketing initiatives. Authors are usually the ones who must design and pay for the little in-hand things like lapel pins, bookmarks, postcards, library posters, and of course whatever graphics you use for your own social media and website.

Your publisher will work to get the book out to review sites, awards, industry publications, and if they have the pull and the money, premium placement on a shelf, or book tours or appearances.  You may or may not be paired up with a publicist in the house to help with this.

You may have very little marketing support, if they’re a very small house with a very small budget, so in this case you may want to consider hiring a publicist yourself, or a social media advertiser, or a virtual assistant, or paying a friend in wine to put out a newsletter every month for you (thank you, Karen!). Or you may wanna just buckle down and do it yourself.

Either way, do some research and make yourself a plan. I have lots of advice on marketing your work in my other Words for Writers articles.

When the book is done-done-done, the publisher will make ARCs - Advance Reader Copies. Basically, pre-publication books. This should be the final book in every way except that they are available before the book’s actual release date.

These are sometimes paper, sometimes e-only. Reviewing the ARC will be the Final Chance Ever to find mistakes, but should be pretty clean.

ARCs are then sent out by either you or your publisher’s marketing team, or both, to reviewers, media outlets, contests, and industry publications. This helps to generate the vitally important pre-publication buzz for the novel.

The Big Wait

(Sometimes I think this stage is added simply so you can take a breather from your book and stop despising it after having reread and rewritten it about seventy million times. I’m always grateful for it though because it’s nice to have the time to refill your well with excitement and joy for your story.)

This is where the marketing plans start whirring into motion and you’ll start sending the ARCs out for reviews. They’ll start coming in so you can use them to support your marketing, and add them to your website.

This is the perfect down time to do all those little To Do list things you’ve been missing - update your website, write thank-you notes, get your social media queued up, arrange your book launch party, etc.

Time to go have another chat with your agent! Get them up to speed with the marketing plans that your publishing house is enacting, and talk through what you think you can add on your end, and from the agency, to support or augment that push. Makes some checklists, start some buzz going, and then…

Step back.

Do nothing.

RELAX. Catch up on sleep. Do your taxes. Spend time with your kids. Meal prep. Whatever sparks your joy.

And, eventually, when you’re ready to jump back into the creative well, start the next project you and your agent earmarked as your follow up. This might be book #2 in your series, or something else entirely. Check in with your agent, and then have fun!

Release Day

Time to get back at it!

On the day your book is released, it will likely be All Hands On Deck. You, your publisher, your editor, and your agent will be working in tandem to execute all of your social media blasts and marketing pushes. Try to set up as much of it as possible to be automated on the day-of.

Some people have their book launch party coincide with the release date, some choose to do it after, and some choose not to have a party at all. Research what works best for you, and make sure you have enough lead time for you/the bookstore to actually receive your box of books in the mail!

The Aftermath

The book is out, the party is over, the cake is eaten and your hand is cramped from all the autographs you signed. Bravi!

Don’t forget to keep your social media and website up to date with any changes that might come with the book - new fantastic reviews worth sharing, the announcement of a foreign language edition acquisition, an audiobook adaptation, etc. etc.

At the same time. take some time to refresh, recharge, and revel in what you accomplished before jumping back to the other project you’re working on.

You deserve it!  You published a book!

*

Still have questions? Read more WORDS FOR WRITERS here or ASK ME HERE.

[darkmarkets]

The Horrors of Formatting

(Or, is that 90,000 words in your pocket, or are you just screwing with my head?)

I am currently formatting a novel for submission. I want to die.

No, seriously—it would be preferable to lay naked, bound and baking under a hot desert sun, with starving vultures pecking incessantly at my midsection in order to reach my moist, protein-rich innards.

Preparing a novel manuscript is Hell. True Hell. Only the most methodical OCD maniac could gain any pleasure from preparing a 356 page manuscript to be sent to a publisher. If you’ve never done it, you may be asking, Whyfore, yon suicidal Horror Writer, does thou formatting drive you such into unblinking madness? 

Whyfore, indeed. Why manuscript preparation sucks so much, let me count the ways:

1. Typos. Holy Hand Grenade, the typos. If you’re doing it right, you will pick through every paragraph, every page, to make sure you haven’t missed a single comma, capitalization, or accidentally misused any form of those dreaded grammar bombs Your, Their, and Its. The process can last for weeks, months if you’re really crazy, and you’ll go to sleep every night seeing line breaks dancing behind your eyelids like a bad acid trip.

2.Wordcount. There are two different ways to calculate word count; automatic computer count and the old typesetter’s method. Simple, right? And it would make sense that any book publisher’s guidelines would state whether they want the computer count or the typesetter method, yeah? Even simpler!

No, it is far, far from simple. It is mind-blowingly frustrating. 

Take, for example, the novel I’m working on. Automatic computer word count states that it is exactly 68,940 words. (Let’s not even get in to how heart-breaking that is after I spent the better part of a year on the damn thing.) But, the exact same novel put into the correct format for the old typesetter method—one inch margins, 12 point non-proportional font like Courier (not Times New Roman!) with 25 lines and 250 word/spaces average per page—and suddenly, my novel is 89,000. Seriously. 250 times 356 is nearly ninety thousand words. What the malicious crap is this?

It gets better. So, while only the rare guidelines will actually specify in clear English how they’d like you to count your words, it’s safe to assume that electronic publishers will want the computer word count, and print publishers will want the typesetter’s method. (The idea is, of course, that blank spaces on a paper have to be counted the same way letters are, to control costs for print media.) So, you think, no big deal, if they’re print I’ll use a bunch of big words and miraculously engorge my novel upwards of an additional twenty thou…

And, then, the guidelines state: “Prepare your manuscript in Courier, or Times New Roman.”

Or? Or?! That throws off the whole thing! A proportional font like Times New Roman means you have no idea the average of spaces and letters on the page, and you’ll trim a good fifty pages off the manuscript and end up with some freakish sum like 72,000! And then, you’re like, “But I’ll just use the computer word count” but you realize you’re sending it snail mail and how are the slush pile readers supposed to know the computer word count when they’ve got paper in their hands? And then, they’ll probably use the old 250 times how many pages to calculate the word count anyway! And then, your head explodes.

3. Those damned Widows and Orphans. After you’ve mopped the pieces of your brain off the wall, its good to say, “Whatever, I’ll use Courier and just use the old typesetter method. It makes my novel bigger, anyway.” And then Word decides to torture you with the Widows and Orphans control, randomly dropping stray sentences off the bottom of the page so now, you have a manuscript that might be, oh, 23 or 24 lines per page average, which screws the whole thing.

And good luck trying to turn the feature off. Word is possessed by a writer-hating gremlin. But, it will be happy to lick up any brain pieces you left on the couch.

4. Synopses. Oh, Sweet and Salty Jesus. I…I can’t even speak of such things. It’s too horrible.

5. Money. Say, you’re lucky to have a local copy shop that knocks down the printing price to $.06 per page. For a 356 page novel, that’s $21.36. And that’s not even counting the two page synopsis (Aaah!) and the cover letter and the initial first three chapters and the Self-Addressed-Stamped-Envelope. Altogether, sending out one manuscript to three publishers costs around $90 bucks. If you go to Kinko’s and get gouged by their $.10-per-page, pay-by-the-minute computer printing service, that sum goes up to somewhere around $120.

Who among us has a spare hundred bucks lying around? We’re writers, for crap’s sake.

So, yes. Formatting and preparing a novel manuscript is probably one of the most vicious tortures a writer can subject themselves to. That being said, it’s important that we not fall into the temptation of those sinister “manuscript preparation/submission” services. Sure, there’s plenty of people out there in the money-leeching internet that will suffer all this torture for you and maybe even do a good job at it—for anywhere between $99 to $500, of course.

Five hundred dollars? And they call me mad! If I do it myself for that rate—say, three hours a day for two weeks—then it’s like I’m paying myself $13 bucks an hour! Whoo-hoo! I’ll just think about that while I’m miserably fishing for that $120 bucks in nickels in my couch. And mopping my brains off the walls.

Lorna D Keach