#fucking god y’all I should have saved the fics I’ve been reading WHEN I READ THEM THIS IS HELL

[msenglishgent]

Literally this is going to take my entire life lmao

how will I even go n find the ones from my deep spirk days some years ago… pray for me…

(also I added an emoji system)

[mercy-burning]

I’ve Got You

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: An embarrassed Reader accepts a swimming lesson from Spencer Category: FLUFF / SMUT ending (will be specified before it splits) Warnings: Language, fluffy smut at the end Word Count: 5.5k

Full Request: “...For your 1k celebration, I was wondering if you could write a fic where Spencer teaches reader how to swim, and then smut happens? Congratulations for 1k btw 🥰!” — @jareauswifey

***EDITED: 7/23/2021***

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

NOTE: Fun fact: I don’t know how to swim either, so this was incredibly fun to write and I can’t wait for you guys to read it! 

Also, the more I wrote this the more it became absolutely fluffy, but since there was a request for smut, I wrote it in as an extra ending. So the majority of this is still fluffy, and there’s a good, solid end for those who don’t/can’t read smut. But the smut is added at the end for those who want it. Totally up to you! I hope y’all really enjoy this one!!

***

"Wait, she dragged you into the pool?"

"She didn't... drag me, she pulled me in."

"Look, no matter how you say it, Pretty Boy, the fact of the matter is, you ended up making out with a movie star in her pool. I call that a win."

While everyone in the bullpen was laughing, you found yourself distanced from the conversation, definitely not thrilled about the idea of re-living the case you'd just worked. And you loved Garcia as much as the next person, but this was one of those times you wished she wasn't so adamantly curious about everyone's personal lives.

"Look, it's not even a big deal, okay, people... kiss each other in pools all the time," Reid got out quickly, also not very thrilled about this conversation. "I mean, you've all done it, right?"

Garcia, Morgan, Elle, and JJ all recounted quickly a few times they'd experienced it, and you were hoping desperately that they wouldn't ask you, since you'd stayed quiet pretty much the whole time, immersing yourself in paperwork (or so you made them believe; you were really just trying not to think about how sad this whole situation made you).

But, of course, it was not your week.

"What about you, Y/N?" Garcia asked. You looked up to see all of your friends looking at you expectantly, and you felt like you could have cried right then and there.

"O—oh, um... I haven't... done that before."

You wanted to smack the smile off Morgan's face when he said, "Oh, so you're telling me Pretty Boy's got Pretty Girl beat in something for once?"

"That's... That's not true, he beats me at everything," you countered, already feeling your face get warm. "Look, it isn't a big deal. It's just not something I've ever done before, and there's nothing wrong with that."

"Never said there was... Why are you getting so defensive?"

The teasing tone in his voice made everything worse, especially since he knew about your huge crush on Reid. He was the first one to point it out, and you swore him to secrecy. And now, he was threatening to expose you, and you wanted to tackle him, even though you were positive you wouldn't get very far.

"I'm not defensive! I just... I haven't kissed anyone in a pool before, and Reid's right, you guys are acting like it's a big deal when it isn't, that's all."

"Well, how come?" Morgan pressed.

"How come it's not a big deal?"

"No, how come you haven't done it?"

That settled it. You were going to deck him in the face the first chance you got.

"Because... I... I can't swim."

You'd said it so quietly, completely embarrassed over the fact, but everyone still was able to hear you.

"You can't?" Elle asked, obviously amused.

"No," you stated firmly, crossing your arms and huffing, a strand of your hair blowing away from your face as you did so. "Before you ask why, I just always had other things to do growing up, and I never bothered to learn. And there's nothing wrong with that either, by the way."

You refused to look at your friends as they took in all this information about you, and by this point you couldn't wait to go home. In fact, you were thinking about leaving right now, to save yourself from further embarrassment.

But then, of freaking course, Derek Morgan had to say something.

"Hey, maybe Reid could teach you how."

The second you were alone with him, he was dead meat.

Your face was even warmer now, and you wanted nothing more than to hide, maybe under the desk, though perhaps a hole in the ground in the middle of nowhere sounded more satisfying. Hell, anything sounded more satisfying than being here right now.

"Ha-ha," you laughed instead, trying to play it off like a joke-suggestion. "I'm sure Reid has better things to do with his time than teaching a woman in her twenties how to swim."

"Are you kidding me, Reid never has anything better to do with his time," Morgan countered, earning a few chuckles from the room.

You rolled your eyes and started to gather your things. You were going to decline and say goodnight, but before you could someone spoke up.

"I—if it's something you really wanted to learn, I could... I wouldn't mind teaching you the basics... or something."

As much as you didn't want to look at Reid in that moment, you did it anyway, because you had to make sure he was being serious. To make sure you'd heard that right.

"What?" you asked quietly.

"Well... You are always saying how we should hang out more. Maybe... it would be a good idea?"

You had said that. But that was before. You know, when you were starting to grow your confidence around him. When you were finally starting to grow the guts to ask him out on a date. Before he started kissing movie stars in pools...

Now all that confidence had been shattered, and you felt smaller than you'd ever been, embarrassed and incredibly babied at your inability to fucking swim.

All of this should have nudged you to say, "no". It should have saved you from making any rash decisions, but...

The way Reid was looking at you, so genuine in that kind way of his, you could have sworn he was begging you to say, "yes".

Or maybe that was your crush talking.

Whatever the case, it was that stupid crush that pushed all reason out of your brain and made you agree.

"O—okay.  Why not?"

Your friends clapped, Reid smiled at you, and you could practically feel Morgan's burning Gotcha! look all the way from the other side of the room.

What were you getting yourself into?

***

You almost thought about bailing. There was no way you were going to survive this! Not only was it embarrassing enough that you couldn't swim, but now the guy you have the biggest crush on was going to teach you how? You were going to have to see him, wet, and he was going to have to see you in a swimsuit, and he was probably going to touch you, too.

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck—

You were about to call Reid and tell him you weren't feeling well, but just as you got out your phone, he showed up in front of you, walking into the pool room at the hotel you were staying at for the weekend. Neither of you had a pool, and to avoid further embarrassment on your part, he offered to rent a room for the weekend so you could use the pool when no one else would be there. In theory it was a good idea, but in actuality it was an awful idea, because now not only did you have to take swimming lessons from your crush, but you were sharing a room with him for the weekend as well.

It was your worst nightmare.

"Hey! I—I got here a little earlier than planned, so I wasn't gonna wait here that long, and I... Never mind. I'm sorry. Hello." Great, now I'm rambling... Good start, Y/N...

Reid laughed a little, setting down a bag. "Hi, Y/N. Are you still sure you want to do this? I know... I kind of pushed it on you last minute, and—"

"No! I'm... It's probably something I should learn at some point anyway... Better get it done now while I can, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose you're right. So, uh... You want to get started?"

You turned to the pool, gesturing with your arms. "Lead the way, Genius."

He laughed a little and made his way to the water, and you took a deep breath as you followed behind, hoping you wouldn't make a bigger fool of yourself than you already had.

Reminding yourself to breathe and stay cool, you reluctantly and very slowly made your way into the water, staying close to the edges even though you were tall enough to stand with the water sitting safely at your chest. You'd been in pools before, but always just like this, at the edge. Your friends growing up were always supportive in your decision not to do anything more, even though they'd offered multiple times to teach you, but the truth was that you were quite afraid of being in deep water.

You were never going to tell them that, though. You weren't even sure you wanted to tell Spencer. But you supposed that if he was really going to teach you how to swim, you'd have to come clean.

Just... Not right now.

"Hmm... Okay, so I'm thinking for now I should teach you how to float."

Shit.

"Um... O—kay..."

He could tell you were nervous, it was obvious by the sympathetic way he looked at you and tilted his head. "I know it's probably intimidating because you don't know how to swim, but floating is actually pretty easy."

He then proceeded to lean back and float on his back. His head was tilted so he could still look at you, and he looked serene. Calm. And supportive, as he said, "There's nothing to it, all you have to do is lean back and just let your body relax. It might feel like you're starting to sink a little, but you won't."

"WhywouldyoutellmethatohmyGod," you squeaked, leaning out and holding very tightly to the edge of the pool. The panic you outwardly exuded was just about the most embarrassing thing you could have done, and it only made you feel worse, shutting your eyes tightly and regretting every life choice youd ever made.

Reid was suddenly beside you, laying a gentle hand on your shoulder, and you jumped, making him retreat. "Y/N, hey. Look at me."

You didn't want to. God, you wanted to do anything else. You would have rather floated in the water.

But you did it anyway, refusing to make things worse.

His face was just as soft as his touch, and even though you had nothing to worry about, you felt like you were going to cry.

"Are you... afraid of the water?" It wasn't mean or mocking. It was a genuine, concerned observation, and that somehow made it even worse.

"Y—yes," you choked out, feeling your throat start to tighten.

"Why did you agree to do this, then? I... I'm still more than happy to help you, but if you're afraid, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I won't make you..."

"I know that, I just... You were practically begging to teach me how to swim, and I didn't want to make you sad," you joked hoping it would lighten the mood and keep you from actually shedding any tears.

Thankfully he laughed, and it made you laugh right along with him, some of your troubles easing and the tightness in your throat letting up just a little. The two of you were silent for a few beats before you reached out with one hand and grabbed his, taking a deep breath and nodding.

"Okay. I'm ready to let you teach me how to float. I promise I won't... freak out this time."

He looked down at your hand on his for a second, something changing in his eyes before he looked back up. "Are you sure?"

No. "Yes."

"Okay... Do you... want to stay here by the edge?"

You scoffed. "Where else would we go?"

"Um... Never mind, we'll stay here. Just um... Come here?"

You laughed a little at the fact that he didn't get that you were joking, and then let go of the ledge with your other hand, pulling yourself towards him and letting him get closer. His hands gently held onto your arms as your feet planted themselves on the pool floor. The proximity was surprisingly calming, considering your outburst just a minute earlier, and you were thankful for that.

Despite all the mess, things weren't nearly as bad as you'd imagined they'd be.

"Okay," Spencer said, nodding slightly. "I'm going to float first. I want you to keep your hands pressed up under my back, okay?"

"But... don't you already know how to float? What do you need me for?"

"I'm demonstrating how light your body weight is while you're in water. See, when I go back like this..."

That was your cue. He leaned back just like he had before, and your hands moved, laying your palms out to lay under his back as instructed. You instantly understood what he meant, because he started to sink a little, and when you lifted him up, it was like he weighed nothing.

"So, even if you do start to sink, I'll be right there to keep you steady. You'll be just fine," he reassured, standing up again. You removed your hands and smiled at him, already feeling better about this.

"Okay. How do I... Go back? Do I just..."

"Oh, uh... Here," he offered, reaching out his arms. You walked into them, and instantly felt your heartbeat pick up when he wrapped them around you, the two of you closer than you'd ever been.

"I'm going to lay you on your back, okay? I've got you."

You nodded, unable to form any words. And when he leaned your body back into the water, you were suddenly aware of all he could see.

Warmth flooded through you as you looked up at him, his hands planting themselves firmly under your back. Your bare back. One of them was pressed against the tie on your upper back, and immediately your mind went there, imagining his fingers deftly untying the knot and letting your bathing top come undone. Your heart raced faster and faster, and it was becoming harder to relax.

"Y/N, it's okay," Spencer said, snapping you out of it. "I'm right here. I'm not going to let you go, okay?"

"Okay," you whispered. "I trust you."

"I'm gonna start letting you go, okay? Just relax your muscles, take nice, calm breaths, and let everything go. Just... float."

His words were soft and whispered, so light it was like in a past life they were dandelion seeds floating in the wind on a warm summer day. You closed your eyes and focused on that image, the white fluff floating in a field, and your body started to relax.

"That's it," you barely heard Spencer's voice as you drifted off. Everything was light, airy, and... non-existent.

You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but eventually you realized that there was nothing holding you up anymore. Nothing was there to ground you, to keep you steady.

Your heart leapt out of your chest, and you gasped, flailing and you felt your face start to go under as a result. "No!" you screamed, suddenly panicked.

Almost as quickly as the panic set in, Spencer's arms were wrapped around you again, pulling you from under the water and into his body. Your arms instantly clung to his neck, trying to pull yourself up and away from the water, where it couldn't drown you.

"Y/N, hey, I've got you. It's okay, I'm right here. You're okay..."

"I'm done," you breathed, trying to calm yourself. "Can we be done?"

"Yes, we can be done," he said back softly, using one of his hands to stroke the wet hair from your face.

Despite your urgency to be done, however, you stayed like that, wrapped up in him for what felt like forever. His hand continued stroking your hair and his lips continued to whisper sweet words of encouragement and praise. Gradually your breathing slowed to a steady pace, and you almost forgot where you were again. At least until he spoke up.

"Are you okay?"

You lifted your head back to look into his eyes, managing to get out a quick, "Uh huh," even as your breath caught in your throat. The way he was looking at you with such concern and sweetness sent a course of butterflies through your stomach. They migrated out towards your chest, accompanying your heartbeat in a quick, thundering pace that only seemed to get faster when his hand grazed your cheek.

Against your better judgement, your eyes fluttered closed, and you savored the feeling of his hands on you. The one brushed down your cheek and over your neck and collarbone, while the other found purchase against your lower back, his thumb rubbing comforting circles just above the hemline of your swim bottoms.

You felt his forehead touch yours and audibly gasped, clinging tighter to his neck and refusing to open your eyes.

"I've got you," he said so softly you weren't even sure you heard it at all. "I've always got you. Can you plant your feet down?"

You were still close enough to the edge of the pool that you knew you could, but in all honesty you'd forgotten you were even there. The sheer panic that came with floating on your own made you feel like you were in the middle of the ocean, and if he hadn't told you otherwise, you would have believed it to be true.

"I can," you answered truthfully. "But I don't want to."

With your foreheads pressed together still, you opened your eyes to find him staring at you, and it was sheer sparkling amusement you found swimming in his gaze as he spoke.

"Then don't."

You weren't sure who moved first. The next thing you knew, your lips were pressed together, and it was all you could take not to simply absorb into him. Which... of course, you practically did anyway. Because of the water, he lifted you to him with ease, giving you a better angle to cling to him since you'd done it so frantically before.

Your lips moved together without a care in the world, the two of you taking your time to just feel the moment. The tender, caring way in which he reciprocated and explored your kiss was almost as butterfly-inducing as all the simple looks he'd thrown your way and the gentle tone he always took with you.

It was almost as if he liked you back.

The thought made you pull away, breathless and dizzy, and the sheer look of contentment, followed by immense panic that set on Spencer's face brought you back to real life.

"I'm sorry," he rushed. "I... Y/N, I..."

Knowing you were already in too deep, you stopped him. "I like you."

He was silent. Frozen. And then, simply, "What?"

You sighed. "I... I like you. I have a crush on you. And I've had a crush on you pretty much from the moment we met. And I... I was trying to find the courage to tell you, and then the thing with Lila Archer happened and I wasn't even... like, she's so pretty, and she can swim, obviously, and I just felt like a total loser after that case, and so when you said you—"

Your words were cut off when he kissed you again, and you'd never been so surprised. Well, save for the panic you felt while floating in the water on your own just a few minutes ago, you supposed...

Though you were inclined to say this surprise was much better.

He pulled away after a few seconds, searching your eyes. "I like you, too," he said quietly.

"Y—You do?"

"Well, of course I do. You're... You're smart, and you're beautiful, a—and you're really good at swimming..."

You laughed. Hard. And Spencer laughed right along with you, until the two of you were just there, smiling at each other. And eventually, you ended up kissing each other again, just as you had before.

Only this time, your kisses got deeper. With every second, the two of you became more hungry, the low and soft moans coming from the bass of your throat urging him to become bolder.

Rather than holding you up by your back, he lowered his hands, gently over your butt and hooking under your thighs as your legs clung around his waist. Your arms still stayed around his neck, only now your fingers weaved through the hair at the nape of it, and when you tugged a little, he moaned into your mouth.

You didn't know how you got there, but all of a sudden, your back was pressed up against the edge of the pool, and you used that leverage to let go of his neck and let your hands roam freely, over his arms and down his chest.

But eventually the two of you had to come up for air, so you broke apart reluctantly, both panting and smiling like fools.

"So, is, uh... is this a hobby of yours?" you asked. "Making out with girls in pools?"

Spencer laughed, pressing his forehead to yours. "Only recently, but... I think this time is the only one that really counts."

He nuzzled his nose against yours and you laughed, feeling completely warm all over and suddenly thankful for not being able to swim.

***NSFW ENDING BELOW***

Now it was just... weird. Maybe that wasn't the right word, but it definitely was a weird feeling.

You'd both showered separately, barely saying a word to each other in between that wasn't awkward mumbling... And now you were sleeping in separate beds, faced away from each other, and you were pretty sure that neither of you were actually awake.

It had been like that for hours.

You weren't positive of how he was feeling right now, but you were still on fire. His kisses had burned you in a way that still lingered, even after taking a warm shower to clean the chlorine from your body, and a small cold shower to refresh you and quell the heat you were feeling that was no doubt a product of him.

Because nothing ever seemed to work out in your favor, it obviously hadn't worked.

So there you were, trying and failing to sleep, hyperaware of Spencer sleeping(?) in the bed next to yours, pressing your fingers to your lips and hoping you could recover from this.

You... liked each other, though... You'd both admitted it, mutually agreed that the feelings were there on both sides, and you happily kissed one another. A lot.

So why was this feeling so weird? Why was everything awkward? Maybe it was just a byproduct of your awkwardness and his combining, rather than cancelling each other out and creating a perfect match. Maybe it wouldn't last, because you'd always heard that opposites attracted, and as far as you could tell, you and Spencer Reid were anything but opposite.

The thought made you curl into a ball, all the awkwardness you were feeling suddenly dissolving into a sorrow and worry that had never nagged you like this before. The burning your body had felt before seemed to cool, leaving you numb and hollow.

But then, a beam of light through the clouds.

"Y/N?"

"Y—yeah?" you said back, matching his near-whisper.

"I know we have our own beds, but... I... I was wondering i—if maybe you'd want... to sleep in mine? With me?"

Maybe it was pathetic and desperate, but you didn't answer. You got up from your bed—practically leapt— and met him in a few strides, getting in under the covers and laying down, facing him in the dark your eyes had adjusted to.

He was smiling, half triumphant and half amused at your eagerness. "Can't sleep either?"

"No," you said quietly, still searching what little of his eyes you could see. "I... Truthfully, I think I just missed being close to you."

"Me, too," he whispered, scooting closer.

His hands were tentative in touching you, but you gently gripped his wrist and guided it to your waist, where it firmly rested and brought warmth back into your veins. Even through the fabric of your tee shirt, his touch burned hot, and it was everything you needed.

But it wasn't everything you got.

He leaned forward and kissed your forehead, and it burned just as hotly. It made you scoot even closer, until your chests were practically flush and your arms rested firmly around his neck again, making him smile. You felt it against your forehead, and that alone was enough to fully bring you back to life.

You wanted more. Just being close to him wasn't enough anymore. So you stretched a little and found your way to his neck, pressing soft kisses under his jaw. The grip on your waist tightened a little, and it urged you forward, strengthening your kisses and even encouraging you to get in a few licks and bites.

He stuttered your name, and you pulled back, looking at his face. But before you could say anything, he leaned forward and captured your lips in a kiss that could only be described as pure desperation. You sighed against him and purely relented as he pulled you closer. Instinctively your leg lifted and wrapped around his, the tangle of limbs and lips becoming second nature in no time.

Before, when you were kissing in the pool, you were careful to avoid the teeth accidentally clanking together or the accidental tongue slip, afraid of ruining the sweet moment you were sharing, but all caution was thrown to the wind this time. You were both so desperate to be near one another that you welcomed every imperfection. In fact, it's like they weren't even imperfections at all.

At one point, you all but grinded your lower half into him, warmth flooding there, now, too.

And it seemed he was feeling the same...

You could tell he wanted to pull back, to explain himself, but you didn't care. You wanted it just as badly, so you did the only thing that felt natural and shifted, straddling his waist and deepening your kiss.

In no time, he gathered your hair in his hands, sweeping it away from your face and tucking it behind your ear as you slowly moved your hips. The groan he let slip was just about the most delicious sound you'd ever heard, the grandest thing you'd ever felt, and you wanted to hear it again, over and over until your last breath.

And then you felt him grow harder underneath you, and the mere implications of that sent you into a tailspin.

"Y/N," Spencer said softly, and you paused, leaning back a little and combing through his hair with your fingers. It was still damp from the shower.

"Do... Do you not want to?" you asked sweetly. "We don't... we don't have to tonight. O—or at all, if you don't want to."

"Oh, no I do, it's... just that I didn't know if you wanted to. And I don't... have a whole lot of experience with sex, a—and I didn't want to... I don't know, be bad."

With a small laugh, you leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'm with you, Spencer Reid. Nothing could ever be bad."

"You're just saying that," he said, though you could hear the smile in his voice.

"I mean it. You make me feel safe, and I... I trust you."

He kissed you then, gently one second and then hungrily the next, and it was all too much to bear. So you grabbed his face and kissed him back, as hard as you could, and he matched your energy by lightly bucking his hips up towards you. The feeling sent a shockwave through you, and even elicited a whine from the back of your throat.

The two of you kept at that for a good five minutes or so before you decided it was, again, all too much. You pulled away from him and sat up, still straddling his hips. And while looking down at him, seeing him breathe as steadily as he could, you brought your hands to the hem of your shirt and slowly yanked it over your head, revealing yourself to him and welcoming the warmth that bloomed through you at his reaction.

His eyes widened and his breathing faltered, and even though it was dim, you could have sworn you'd seen a pink tint paint his cheeks.

"Touch me," you whispered suddenly, the urgency surprising even yourself. Without hesitation, Spencer reached out as far as he could and gripped your bare waist. His thumbs swiped gently up the front of your stomach, and then you leaned down a bit, giving him full access.

The second his hands brushed over your bare chest, you sighed out, small pricks of pleasure beaming through your whole body. Your hands reached down to anchor yourself, landing on his chest and gripping his shirt. He kneaded your breasts first, feeling them out and getting used to how they weighed in his hands, and then he slid them over, brushing the pads of his thumbs over your nipples.

You leaned down and kissed him then, gripping his shirt and lifting it until he understood what you were trying to do.

Both of your clothes came off one by one, and by the time you were both fully naked, time seemed to slow. You both marveled at each other, pressed soft kisses to each inch of bare skin, and inevitably prepared for what you both wanted most.

He slipped on a condom, fumbling an explanation of how Morgan gave it to him after the case in LA, and you laughed, promising to give him a piece of your mind later.

And then, you wrapped yourself around him once more. Only, rather than in the pool, he was sitting up in the bed, leaning against the headboard while your arms rested on his shoulders and your legs clung to his waist.

You sunk onto him slowly, gasping out at how full he made you feel. Every millimeter deeper was slowly splitting you from the inside out, and it was... God, it was everything. Especially as he wrapped his arms around your back, making those comforting circles with his thumbs again, and whispering, "I've got you," over and over again.

By the time he was as deep inside you as he could be, you were breathing into his neck, kissing him there and trying to catch your breath. It had been so long since the last time you'd done this, and now that it was happening, and with Spencer of all people, you were overwhelmed in the best way possible.

Once you were ready, you started moving, slowly lifting your hips and bringing them back down. Until, eventually, you found a slow, searing rhythm that had you panting against his skin.

A low groan left his throat when you clenched around him, and it spurred you on. With another tight squeeze, you quickened your pace just a little, and everything was starting to build.

"Y/N... Y/N, fuck..."

His words were few and far between, but they were laced with just the right amount of wonderment and desire, sending another swarm of butterflies all throughout your entire body.

"Say it again," you breathed desperately in his ear, gripping his shoulders as you clenched around him again. "Say my name, please..."

And he did. It was the sweetest thing you'd ever heard, better than your favorite song, and the only thing you wanted to hear for the rest of your life. He said it again and again, thrown into a mix of expletives and little whimpers that all meshed together to form your new favorite song.

You reciprocated, whimpering out his name when his hips lifted in time with yours, hitting something deeper within you that sent you flying into your own world.

"Kiss me," he pleaded, his hands pressing so firmly into your back you thought they'd leave handprints.

It was a plea you wouldn't deny even if you were able. You kissed him deeply, gladly welcoming the soft push of his tongue against yours and the little sounds he offered. You returned each and every one of them as your body knotted, that imminent feeling of tension starting to rise within every part of you.

He must have felt it, too, because one of his hands reached over and slid in between your bodies, looking for and then finding your clit. His middle finger made easy circles that brought you closer and closer until you snapped, tightening around him—your arms and your legs included.

You cried out against his mouth, and he breathed a final, "I've got you, baby," that shattered your world as you shattered around him. He fell closely behind, and you relished the feeling of him tensing and twitching inside of you.

As your heartbeats slowed, and your breathing right along with it, you slumped against him, your foreheads resting gently against one another. He kissed you sweetly, and you returned it, feeling yourself become more at ease the longer you stayed there.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly, still catching his breath. "Can you move?"

Recalling the moment in the pool earlier, you laughed a little, nudging his nose with yours and promptly answering, "I can. But I don't want to."

With a smile, Spencer hugged you closer and let you rest your head in the crook of his neck.

"Then don't."

TAGLIST:  @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @takeyourleap-of-faith (I’m sorry I keep forgetting to add the taglist to all my stuff, I’m still kinda new at this lol. That being said, if you’d like to be added, shoot me a message or comment here and I’ll add you 😂❤)

[thefanficmonster]

Begone

Streamer Gang & Asexual Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Acephobia, Swearing

Genre: Platonic Fluff, Comfort, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Having recently come out as asexual, Y/N faces some less than pleasant or appropriate responses in their chat during their stream with the gang. Luckily, they’re not alone in battling the haters this time.

Requested by the lovely Anon who told acephobes to begone, yeah you know who you are hehe. Thank you so much for the request darling! Let’s show these acehobes who they’re messing with! Love, Vy ❤

Boy is this nerve-wrecking or what? Sure, I maybe woke up with a ton of confidence, I listened to motivational and uplifting talks and listened to mood boosting music. I had a healthy breakfast and a cup of coffee. Damn it, I went on a run, all in an attempt to convince myself that dealing with the online world again is but a piece of cake for a badass like me. Well, low and behold, that feeling didn’t last very long. Here I am, chewing my nails off at the though of hopping in the Discord call and Among Us lobby with my friends and starting my stream. It’s not like I’m not expecting my friends and fans to support me - of course I am! I know they’re gonna give me a ton of love and appreciation and support and uplift me no matter what. But then again, there’s still those people who believe me and other people like me to be invalid and broken and whatnot.

Those are the ones I wanna avoid. 

It’s not like their words mean much to me but I simply don’t wanna see em, you know? It’s not only about me - it’s least about me actually - it’s more about all those wonderful people they are insulting when they say shit like that about asexuals and all the people on the ace spectrum. I can’t help but flare up and get angry on the behalf of all my ace friends and even people I’ve never met.

It’s also my first time being directly thrown into the fire instead of getting caught in the crossfire seeing as how I came out to my fandom via a tweet and an Instagram post a week ago, telling my identity’s truth: finally bringing my asexuality to the surface to shine its brightest so I can be be my best and reach for my full potential.

But damn am I afraid to see how everyone took it. 

My friends were quick to jump in and take me offline before I start refreshing my own posts to see the comments under them. Lord knows that without them I would’ve driven myself insane, I’ll forever be grateful for what they did and the lengths they went to to keep me offline and whatnot. One word to give you an idea of how invested they were in this: origami. All of us might as well have been born with two left hands and yet we still tried doing origami. Freaking origami.

Damn do I love my friends.

But now I don’t have sheets of paper and my friends to distract me. I have a fanbase to entertain and another friend group I haven’t talked to in a while. I don’t wanna get any predictions in already so I don’t jinx myself, so I’m just gonna say it’s gonna be...interesting regardless of what happens.

Then again, when is it not interesting when the streamer gang’s involved.

Deep breaths, Y/N. You got this

Listening to that encouraging little voice inside my head, I finally equip my headphones and in one fluid motion turn my camera on, officially starting my stream and unmuting my mic as I hop in the call with everyone.

“Hi guys! Guess who’s returned!“ I exclaim cheerfully, desperate to hide the nervousness of my voice.

“You really missed your opportunity to say ‘guess who’s back...back again’ didn’t you?“ Charlie is the one who greets me first, sounding rather disappointed in me in his usual jokester manner. It’s nice to hear, it makes me feel like nothing’s changed in the week I’ve been gone. Like I’m still the same person to these people. I really am the same, I just now am a lot better version of myself. Almost as though I’ve reached my final form. It feels empowering really. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Charlie laughs again, “Congrats, by the way. You keep proving you can get cooler and cooler.“

“Careful there Charlie, I can only handle so large of an ego.“ I joke back, rolling my eyes playfully as a wide grin spreads across my face, “No, but seriously, thank you so much, man. It means the world to me that you support me.“

“Um, how could we NOT?“ That’s very clearly Rae, “Hun, you are so brave and amazing and wonderful, how could we ever NOT support you?“

“Yeah, we’ll always support you no matter what, Y/N. We’ll always be your friends, through thick, thin and beyond.“ Poki too interferes, her words only making my smile wider.

“Alright, alright, y’all are gonna make me cry and I haven’t even read my chat yet, hold on.“ I say, fanning my face to dry the tears I hope the webcam isn’t spotting, “Darn, you guys are the best. Sorry, give me a sec to gather my composure, I’ll be right back.“

I quickly mute my in-game mic as I turn to my chat where I see the same amount of love and support in the form of comments and emojis flooding in from my viewers. A warm feeling spreads throughout my chest, making me feel the most comfortable with myself I’ve ever felt. The most loved I’ve ever felt. The most seen and understood. To finally be you feels like you are finally really living in this world, not like you’ve been already living in it for God knows how long. It makes me so freaking happy and fulfilled to finally be living as me, as the real me.

Unfortunately, in life, nothing can be 100% pure and good. There’s always at least 1% there threatening to ruin all your happiness you worked so hard to build or obtain. It may be one in a hundred, but fuck it’s powerful and effective.

And in my case it comes in the form of two comments that stick out to my eyes. Acephobic comments saying my identity’s fake, claiming I’m faking it, saying us acephobes are immature creatures who refuse to grow up, or attention whores. Or just saying we’re delusional and in denial, confused about who we are.

I hadn’t even realized I was clenching my jaw and fists but when I do, I slowly relax my muscles and crack my knuckles before addressing the two people who spat out that nonsense.

“Ok, listen here, shooterpro69 and yourmom_lol. For starters, I want to apologize for your ignorance and lack of education on the matter of asexuality. In fact, for you especially, I plan on making an educational video, explaining asexuality to people who need or want to learn more. You, my friends, are in desperate need to be fed some knowledge cause damn, God knows how many people secretly think you’re hella stupid. Not that they’re wrong to think so but anyway. Unless you have anything nice or positive to say, begone from my chat. Actually, when I think about it, begone from every chat. No one needs you polluting their communities with acephobia and hate.“ I say, all spoken in a calm tone despite the boiling anger within me. People who know me well would probably be able to tell I’m fuming underneath the calm façade, but at least I got my message across loud and clear.

“WOO HOO, You tell em Y/N!“ Toast cheers, clapping his hands and whistling as more cheering arises from each my friends, leaving me in a state of mild shock and confusion.

Wait, what?!

“Um, wait, you guys heard that?“ I ask, my eyes darting to thein-game mic symbol that shows an not crossed-off mic, meaning it was enabled during the entirety of my speech.

“Hell yeah we did! You slayed them, Y/N! Damn goddamn!“ Rae whistles too, her enthusiasm wafting over me like a breath of fresh air.

“I second that!“ Corpse joins in, “And remember what we said - we’ll support you through anything. Need to bury an acephobe’s body, we’re the people you should call.” He says, confident as heck.

And I just can’t hold it in anymore - I burst out laughing, doubling over from the intensity.

If I thought I was happy and fulfilled before, this has to be the closest to paradise I’m gonna get on Earth.  All thanks to these wonderful people. Friends are really something else aren’t they: they come into your life - often unexpectedly - and change it completely. Suddenly you’re not alone, you’re not forced to deal with everything and face everything on your own. Someone’s got your back and you’ve got theirs.

Through thick, thin and beyond.

And it’s so fucking amazing.

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[starbuckie]

𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤

challenge: time travel challenge by @justagirlinafandomworld​

prompt: “we’re divorced?” 

pairing: sirius black x reader

words: 5.7k words

warnings: FOURTH WALL BREAK!!(sorry im very excited about that), lots of angst, almost smut(hehe), sirius lowkey has a breeding kink, sirius is an asshole for a bit, the smallest bit of fluff, fix-it, and the same time travel theory as back to the future

summary: an unnatural occurrence lets a woman go back in time to try and change everything she’s known for the past twenty years.

a/n: wow, i normally don’t write for harry potter so this was a nice change. anyways, this is for yvette’s time travel writing challenge, and everybody say HAPPY BIRTHDAY YVETTE! i’m so sorry this is late, it got deleted and i needed to re-edit, but i truly appreciate your friendship and your lovely, amazingly beautiful self, and I’m so so glad that we became friends :)  this fic is not beta-read at all, so if you see any mistakes tell me, but otherwise i really hope you enjoy this fic<3

main masterlist || harry potter masterlist

It still wasn’t over. After all she had lost, more specifically everyone she had lost, and the shitty cycle that she had to call her life, it still wasn’t over. The people she had watched the life drain from, the screams of those suffering from the loss caused by the Dark Lord, and yet life still hadn’t had its fill of torturing Y/N. Grimmauld Place felt empty without the kids, without the Weasleys, but they had gone back to their home and soon enough she would have to as well. Harry had gone back to Hogwarts with Dumbledore, though she’d argued to hold onto him just a bit longer after-

After Sirius had died. 

Time had passed, maybe two or three weeks, but no matter what the woman couldn’t bring herself to get out of Sirius’ old bedroom, simply staring at the ceiling with her tears at bay. Her and Sirius had been a complicated thing, to say the least, a topic nobody had brought up since 1983, when she had banned it. Not as if there was much to talk about after the divorce and Sirius going to Azkaban. After Lily and James had died, after she had fought with Dumbledore for custody of Harry, after she had become a professor at Beauxbatons and moved to France without a second thought. Sirius had been locked up after he’d hurt her in the worst possible way, and Y/N’s heartbroken soul found no other reason to return to England. 

But, she pushed those bad memories to the back of her mind. It seemed so trivial, looking back on it. Not the broken house, of course, that had been his own mistake. But Y/N had many regrets, all of them seeming to revolve around the mischievous black-haired man who she had fallen in love with as a teen. The night it went down, the night their relationship had fractured at the seams and fallen down, was her greatest one however. It had been so stupid, so, so stupid, but they’d both gotten caught up in the moment, and Y/N had let him die without knowing how much she was sorry for that night that they let their fears consume them. 

The cries that she had tried so hard to contain finally broke free from the restraints of her heart. “I’m so sorry, Siri,” she whispered into the air, “I couldn’t save you this time.” As the hot, salty tears ran down her cheeks, Y/N shuffled across the room, letting her feet drag her to the old Black family room, the dark green walls embracing her rainy emotions. 

A little gasp escaped her lips as she looked at the portraits among the wall. The Black family tree was faded along the age-old wall, but what she was really looking for was the burned out image of her raven-haired love. There, right next to Regulus, was a black spot, scorned and scarred by the prestigious family for being a blood traitor. Y/N smiled and traced the burn with her finger, remembering their fourth year when she had accompanied him home for the holidays so he wouldn’t be completely alone in the hellhole he had to call his house. Sirius had snuck them up to this room and spent the night talking in hushed whispers sworn secrets. “I’ll be yours forever, Siri, and I’m sorry for fighting with you. I wish-” she sniffled, glaring at the spot in the wall as she tried to garble out her words, “I wish, I could go back in time, and just fix it. Just me and you, and that stupid night, with the bloody fight about children because you deserve it all, darling.”

“Ah, I think you can.” 

Y/N turned around, her eyes wide with fear. That was not Kreacher’s voice. There stood a younger woman, around nineteen, a scroll of paper and a quill in her hand. There was a whisper of a smirk on her face, brown eyes glittering even in the dimness in the room. “Who the hell are you?” Y/N looked at the door, which was still closed as she left it. She cast her wand out, pointing it at the stranger who did nothing but smile. “How did you get in here? Are you with the Lord?”

“With Voldemort?” The woman simply laughed. “Dude, I’m not with ‘the Lord’,” she added with air quotations. “Also I’m not really even here, so don’t you worry about that. My name’s Malia.”

Malia held her hand out, but Y/N kept her guard up. “You’re American. What brings you here? Are you a muggle?”

“Oh, nope, not a wizard, I’m just the author of this story.” Malia confided. “I’m here to tell you that you can fix this.”

“Fix… what?” Malia just rolled her eyes and sighed, staring up towards the ceiling as she spoke.

“God, did I write you to be hard of hearing now, too? I ought to fix that when I get back.” The woman blankly stared at the strange girl, wondering what the actual fuck she was talking about. “I can give you the chance to go back in time, Y/N. It won’t be for long, it’s really not gonna be interesting for more than two hours at most, but that should be enough time to tell the gang about what’s to come with Voldemort.”

“Like... time travel?” Y/N asked. The only way she knew how to time travel was the time turners. “But all of the ti-”

“Time turners were destroyed in the Department of Mysteries, I know, I know. Trust me, I’ve read Harry Potter more times than I’ve said ‘I love you’ to my parents.” Malia smiled. “I’m the author, I make the rules, and my rule is that I’m giving you two hours in 1978 to talk to Sirius so he can fix the emotional fucking mess left behind by J.K. Rowling.”

“Who’s J.K. Rowling?” Malia shuddered at the name.

“A raggedy-ass, transphobic bitch who wrote y’all into existence, but she’s not of importance right now.” She checked the small, rectangular box in her hand, which glowed and provided little light in the darkened room. “Let’s see, it’s currently eleven-forty, so you have until one-forty to find the Marauders and fix this future. It may not be fixed in the books in the future, but if you are able to do it here that’s all that matters.” Malia’s brown eyes were downcast, her bright and loud personality dimming for just a moment before returning to Y/N’s confused gaze once more. “Try not to screw up too much while you’re there, just enough that you defeat the Dark Lord the first time. Tell Sirius all you know and that should be enough for him to fix all the mistakes, but do not under any circumstances let him or anyone else know who you are. I wish you luck, Y/N, it was nice to meet ya in person.” 

And with a peace sign in front of her face, she disappeared into a flash of neon pink light. 

“Bloody hell! Fix my future? Talk to Sirius? If this even is time travel, then how am I supposed to get there- AH!” Y/N’s body felt like it was turning inside out, her guts being torn from her stomach and back into it again. A delirious giggle arose from her lips in the black void she was pulled into, and a soft chatter could be heard, like voices at the end of a tunnel. 

“Blimey, looks like we got ourselves a nutter on school grounds.” Y/N’s arms flailed around, desperately seeking some sort of grounding surface to hold on to when her back hit a rough surface. There was an audible crack somewhere in her body, but she felt so sick that she couldn’t tell where. 

“Are you okay, ma’am? You just appeared from the sky and hit the ground.” Warm, brown eyes met Y/N’s, a familiar mess of black curls resting atop of the boy’s head. Large, rounded glasses sat perched on the tip of his nose, and an impish smile, one she used to know so well before he died, met his lips. 

“James,” she sighed. The boy stared at her strangely, and only then did she notice the three other boys and girls each behind them. Remus, Peter, Sirius, Lily, Marlene, and Alice. 

Sirius.

The sight that met her eyes made her nearly emotional. It had technically been only three weeks since she had seen him, but here was the young boy she had fallen in love with. The one who charmed her with his smart words and witty retorts to her brush-offs, who used to hold her in his arms in the most intimate and gentle ways. His grey eyes sparkled with curiosity, the infamous Marauder mischief swirling within the silvery pools.  

Seeing him so young tugged at her heartstrings, and though she wanted nothing more than to hold him in her arms and never let go, a small, niggling feeling at the back of her head held her back. Was there something wrong?

“You know me?” Oh right, she was currently thirty-five. Looking around she noticed that she was outside the quidditch pitch, and there were other students, staring at her with widened eyes. No one knew she was Y/N L/N, their fellow schoolmate and probably one of the very few of them that survived the Death Eaters attacks. None of them were aware how it ended, or how it was currently going for them back in 1996, and in this time there was the first Wizarding War going on and they had every right to be terrified for their lives.

James now took a more defensive stance, standing tall and holding his wand out. “Who are you?”

She couldn’t give him the answer, instead letting her mouth gape open as she stared at him with wide eyes. Y/N looked across the grounds for the nearest exit, which was down by Hagrid’s hut and into the Forbidden Forest. It was her only choice at this point, to hide in the dark, creepy space, maybe just until the students went away so she could find Sirius and talk to him alone. It’d be hard to separate him from the boys, but if Lily were occupied with James it sure would be easy. 

Her younger, seventh-year self didn’t seem to be in the audience, thank Merlin, and with that knowledge, she got up and ran, ignoring her screaming muscles. That time travel really did a number on her. 

As she ran through the crowd, shoving people aside, she heard the students mutter, too much in shock and disarray to stop the crazy, old woman who knew James Potter.

“This is dodgy.”

“Someone ought to tell Dumbledore about this.”

“She kinda looks like Y/N L/N.’

“Don’t insult the poor girl like that, that wonker is ages old.”

“Come back here! Who the bloody hell are you?” Y/N’s heart beat quickly in her chest, threatening to burst out. Only three minutes in the past and it was all going straight to shit. “Stupefy!”

Shit. “No, James, please don’t-“ Her body hit the ground and her eyes closed, the last thing she saw being the pumpkin patch by the hut.

-

“I see you’re awake now, Ms. L/N.” Dumbledore stood above Y/N in the hospital ward bed, his grey beard dangling in front of her face. Her first instinct was to start blaming him for everything that had happened, starting from Lily and James’ deaths to Sirius’, already opening her mouth to call him an old, senile cow, but then she realized that Harry hadn’t been sent to the Dursleys yet, much less been born yet, so none of it would have an effect on him. Y/N’s second instinct was to question how Dumbledore knew who she was in 1978, but her former Headmaster started to speak before she could do so. “I must admit, it’s very courageous, that stunt you just pulled. I don’t think Ms. Louie will be too happy about that.” Y/N sent him a questioning stare. “Malia, the girl you met earlier. Malia Louie.”

“Headmaster Dumbledore, how did you know it was me?” She was dressed in a white gown that went to her knees, and behind him she could see her blouse and jeans folded and clean. Ah, the Hospital Wing. She had brought the boys here more times than she could count in her years at Hogwarts. “I don’t exactly look as young as I used to.”

“Ah, don’t worry Ms. L/N, you’ve kept your good looks quite nicely, even in your older age.” He stroked his beard thoughtfully, his wrinkled eyes sparkling with joy. “And speaking of young, if you are still worrying yourself about your younger self, you can put that to a stop. I am aware that you are not able to tell anyone who you are, and time travel is exceptionally dangerous if you are seen by the other version of yourself. I’ve already told the students that you were just a stray witch, misguided in your ways and that you were well taken care of. However, I think that brings us to the question of what your intentions are in the past, Ms. L/N.”

“Headmaster, I don’t think I can tell you about my business here. I’ve already messed up by letting the school see me by letting everyone see me, I don’t know why that girl even sent me here, it’s clear that this was a mistake.” Y/N sat up on the headboard, feeling her eyes fill with tears once again. The tall arches of windows let the sun in the room, and she could see the specks of dust swirling around in the golden light. It had to be close to the end of the year for them, maybe sometime around April or May, near the end of N.E.W.T.s at least. She could imagine that it’d be easy for her to get out of Hogwarts for the day, with all the students studying for the stressful exams in the library, maybe she'd make her way to Hogsmeade and walk around or visit Hagrid under a false name to have some tea. He was always open for a nice cuppa with strangers on any free day he had. “Thank you Headmaster, for your kindness, but I really ought to be going. I-it was nice to see you.”

Y/N started to help herself out of the bed, swinging her feet over to touch the cool stone ground. Bones cracked with pain and fatigue, her muscles stretching sluggishly. Merlin, that she was not expecting that much hurt from the fall, but she should have never underestimated James Potter. No one ever should if they want to keep their good mind and sanity. 

Dumbledore handed her her clothes, cracked lips set in a straight line as he nodded solemnly. “I hope you accomplish whatever it is you are here to do, Ms. L/N, but I have no doubt that you will.” With a sly wink, he added, “You were always one of our most ardent and bright students.”

Y/N let herself smile, and with a wave, swiftly brought herself to the door. “Thank you, Headmaster.”

After slipping outside, she ran down the corridors, echoes of her feet ringing lightly behind her. The courtyard proved to be empty and she quickly ducked behind a column and tugged her jeans on hastily, making sure that no professors came walking past. Though the sky proved to be bright and cheerful, a slight breeze carried through, making her fall off balance and fall on the cemented ground. 

“Are you okay, darling? You look like you’re in need of a little help.” Y/N looked up to the speaking figure, one that she both loved and dreaded to see. 

She gathered herself quickly, her mind running fast and heart beating out of her chest as she tried to get out. “Yes, I am okay, thank you for asking. I think I’ll just get up and going now, I don’t need to take time out of your day like this-”

“I know who you are, Y/N.” 

Y/N came to a full stop, going against her brain that screamed at her to run away. Sirius looked downtrodden, his grey eyes watering despite the small hint of a smirk on his face. Though he was always one for playing around and not taking anything seriously, she knew when it was time to stop pretending and get real. “How’d you know it was me, Sirius?”

“You really don’t look bad for your age, darling.” He offered her a hand to help her up and she took it graciously, eyeing him nearly guiltily and forgetting about her promise to Y/N. But that was useless now, this moment with her first love was much more important. “Also you have the tattoo on your chest. I knew it was you the moment you landed on school grounds.”

She traced his gaze to her left collarbone, where a paw print, just barely visible beneath her low-cut blouse, sat. It was his, or Snuffles’, paw print, and at this point in time they had probably gotten it done about three months before. He had one for her too, a horseshoe for her horse patronus, right on his left side of his chest too. So they’d always be right next to each other’s hearts, as cheesy as it seemed.

But they were dumb, lovesick teenagers, and they acted the part well too. Their love was all-consuming, shagging in under the bleachers at the quidditch pitch and making out under the stars. It was fast, everything was fast, decisions, ideas, classes, all of them under the impression that they had to do everything right then or they’d be dead before they got to actually live. They had dreams of marriage, and a big, big family, obviously so far away from his family so they could never hurt their children’s lives the way they had hurt his. 

They were fantasies, Y/N had known that well enough when she and Sirius got divorced, but it was something that eighteen year-old Sirius Black held close to his heart. No matter how shitty his life got, he was always a firm believer in a happy ending. In their happy ending. 

“How am I right now?” They now stood over the Black Lake, staring into the glittering depths of the water where some mermaids could be seen sneaking peeks at the handsome boy and the strange lady who had fallen from the sky. 

Sirius stared at her questioningly for a moment. “How are you doing right now? I mean, I believe that I should be asking you that ques- oh, Merlin, I’m such a git, you meant your younger self.” Y/N laughed at that, her heart lifting with the goofiness of the old Sirius relieving an ache in her heart that she had had for so long. Not that old (it felt weird to say that) Sirius had been anything less than silly and snarky, but it was never directed towards her. It was nice to have the resemblance of their old relationship back, even if it was just for a fleeting moment. “I suppose that you’re okay. You didn’t see, well, your big moment on the field, but at this point Lily has probably opened her big, fat mouth and told you. N.E.W.T.s are just finishing up, so you’re much more light-hearted than during the study season.”

“I really did have a stick up my arse during exam time, you always told me to loosen up-” 

“Y/N, cut out the small talk, I think it’s okay for me to ask how and what is happening.” Sirius cut in.

So she told him. Y/N had always been upfront with people about everything. Or rather, she had learned how to be upfront with people after her and Sirius’ divorce. Without details of the deaths, she explained how she was sent back into the past to fix it in some conceivable way. However, she did tell him about the fall out. Maybe she wanted him to understand her pain, even though it was a younger him, but she had to admit to herself that it was because she just wanted Sirius, in whatever form life gave her to hear out her grievances and apologies. 

Since her Sirius was dead before she could.

“We’re divorced?” Sirius looked about ready to break down into tears, almost as if the concept of them breaking up or separating was foreign to him. “What exactly did we fight over, Y/N? That doesn’t seem normal for the two of us.” Sirius asked.

“Well, to be fair, it wasn’t a normal predicament for us. either…”

Sirius slammed the door shut, efficiently pinning her against it with his white button up ruffled up, navy tie hanging from his neck loosely. Y/N’s arms were held down tightly against the oak wood, the sensation of the cold door burning into her rather warm skin making her squeal. Her husband’s tongue worked its way through her parted lips, low groans rising from the back of his throat from the way she moaned in tandem with his hips pushing into hers. Legs wrapped around his tapered waist, the pink, floral skirt Y/N wore rising high on her thighs, revealing more of her flesh to the lust-filled man. Both of their giggles echoed off the hallway walls of their small cottage home, just four miles west of their best friends’. 

As the twenty year-old man threw his wife unceremoniously on the bed, he shed himself of his shirt and swiftly unbuttoned his slacks, throwing them haphazardly across the room. Merlin, Y/N looked ethereal laying spread out on the bed, panties around her left ankle, swollen lips parted with short puffs of air leaving them. “You just get right down to business, don’t you, Black.” 

Crawling over his body, his hot breath hit her neck as he growled against her skin. “Could say the same thing about you, darling.” Sirius’ lips made their way down every inch, every curve, nook, and cranny of Y/N’s body, smoothly slipping her clothes off as he did so. Her sweet gasps filled the bedroom, back arching off the bed to meet his chest. “I’m going to put a baby in you tonight, sweetheart, we’re-”

Y/N sat up straight, her eyebrows trained in confusion at her husband. “What? A baby?” 

Sirius’ heart pounded in his chest. “Yes.” He remarked in a clipped tone. “Is that not what you wanted?” 

Her mind recalled her words from earlier that day, as she chatted happily with Lily about the news of her pregnancy. “Siri, I said I may one day enjoy having a kid of my own. Not right now, of course, but later. After all, we only got married a few months ago, don’t you think we should hold off a bit on that? We’re twenty years-old, Siri, there’s so many years for that.”

Rage filled Sirius’ blood like a spreading fire. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much about his anger as it was his hurt and fear. Fear that she had realized how fucked up he truly was, fear that she realized what he had known all along- that she deserved better than him. “So you don’t want a baby with me?”

“I never said I didn’t want that, Sirius, I just said that I’m not ready!” Y/N yelled back. At this point both of them stood on opposite sides of the bed, faces hot with tears. “We’re in the middle of a bloody war, people we know, people we love, have lost their lives, and it is not the ideal environment to raise a child, Sirius! Just because James and Lily are ready to have one doesn’t mean that I am too!”

“When will you be ready, Y/N? When will it ever be enough time for you? When will I be enough for you?” The heartbroken girl tried to interject, but her voice was cut off by her husband’s quickly enough. Sirius climbed onto the bed, holding her chin harshly with one hand. “Tell me, did you ever want to be with me in the first place?”

“Yes, Sirius, of course I wanted to be with you.” His heart hurt looking at the love of his life in tears, but even that was able to melt his cold facade. “I love you more than anything in the world.” 

“Then fucking prove it, Y/N.” With that declaration, he removed his hand from her face and gathered his clothes, slamming everything in their shared room as Y/N quivered, knees ready to buckle on the spot. “I’m going out, don’t wait up for me.”  

As soon as the front door shut, she fell to the ground in tears, the laughter that once filled their home replaced with the sound of her shattered heart. 

Y/N had done her best to not tear up during her explanation of the events that had taken that night, but Sirius' eyes watered, refusing to believe the truth. “No. No. I didn’t do that. Y/N, tell me,” he gripped her biceps with trembling hands, “please tell me I didn’t really do that. I can’t believe that I-I, that I-”

“You were drunk, Sirius, I don’t think you truly knew what you were saying at the time.” She sighed, “But people always say that drunken words are just sober thoughts.” Y/N rubbed her arms, just shivering slightly in the Scotland breeze. “You came back two hours later punching the wall and breaking it, and that’s when I knew that we wouldn’t last.” 

The raven-haired boy’s head started to shake, even more mortified of the actions that his future self, the man he’d be in just two years' time, had done. “I packed up my things, not that there were many, we’d only moved into the house a month before, left, and I sent the divorce papers a week later. It was probably better that way, you would’ve divorced me if I hadn’t done it first.” Y/N had gotten used to telling her sob story to colleagues at Beauxbatons, to her family, but it felt different with pre-divorce Sirius. Of course, she had never thought she’d be in this citation either, so no one could really blame her for feeling weird. “You signed them easily, and my lawyer made sure that I never had to see you again.”  Until Lily and James died.

“Until…” Sirius led on.

“Merlin’s beard, Sirius, you’ve always been able to read my mind. Shouldn’t have doubted it for a second.” He smiled at the sentiment, gesturing for her to continue. “I can’t tell you, Sirius, I hope you can understand that.”

“Why, Y/N, what happens that can be any worse in the future?” Oh dear, Sirius, you really do not want the answer to that question. She needed any way out of this conversation, after all running away was what she did best, and her eyes already searched for several routes to which she could run. Not that Y/N could ever outrun Sirius in his animagus form, but it was nice to have the belief that she could. The boy sensed her distress and grabbed hold of her hand. “You don’t have to tell me, darling, but I have to admit that I am a bit worried, just in the slightest.”

Y/N let herself calm down, squeezing Sirius’ hand and noticing his watch. She had actually given him that watch, gold-plated and dark grey metal, but it wasn’t the beauty of the gift that caught her eye, but rather the actual time on it. One-thirty. 

How had that much time gone by so quickly? She was going to be sucked into the black void of time travel again in ten minutes, and that wasn’t nearly enough time to unload nearly twenty years worth of history onto Sirius. No, he would go insane from that much knowledge, which was exactly against what Malia had advised. 

“I don’t have enough time to tell you everything that happens in the future, Sirius. But what I am about to tell you is vital, absolutely vital for the good of all of us in the future.” Sirius nodded with a serious sort of smile on his face. “Don’t let Peter be Lily and James’ secret keeper. When the time comes that they move away, I’m not going to tell you where yet, do not under any circumstances let Peter be their secret keeper. I know he’s one of our best friends right now, and do not tell anyone about this, but he’s going to betray us in the worst way possible.” 

While Sirius was shocked, he nodded solemnly and ran a hand through his long hair. “I won’t tell anyone, Y/N. Can I fix us, Y/N? I don’t know if you should be letting the key to a happier future rest in my hands.”

“I full heartedly trust that you’ll do some good, whatever the outcome may be. As for fixing us, I hope you can, but depending on what happens we’ll just have to wait and see.” She sighed, “If you want my opinion on it, I think that we both should have waited longer to get married. It was right after James and Lily got married, but we aren’t and never will be them. We both had a lot of growing up to do, so I would take it slowly. Communicate your wants and needs in the relationship and in the end it may not even be us together. But I know you, Siri, don’t let this get in the way of your entire life. The most important part is that you tell James and Lily about Peter.”  

She glanced back up the school grounds where students could start to be seen leaving their classes. “You better get back to the castle, Sirius. McGonagall is going to come for your arse and this time the boys aren’t going to be able to cover for you.”

“If they knew where I was, darling, I don’t even think they’d believe me.” Sirius chuckled.

Y/N nodded in agreement and pulled Sirius into a tight hug. “You can do this, sweetheart, and even if you can’t, it will not stop me from loving you any less. Maybe the future wasn’t meant to be changed, but regardless of whether that is true or not, I know that you will try your hardest, Sirius. Just try not to die, okay?”

The boy was still clutching onto her tightly, his tears soaking her rose-colored blouse. “I’ll do my best, darling.”

With one last kiss on the forehead, she smiled at him. “I know you will, Siri.” 

-

Y/N’s arse hit the floor once again, her spine cracking once again. “What’s the year?” She yelled out, reaching for the walls of the black family room. 

But it wasn’t there. Upon opening her eyes, she saw James, Lily, and Sirius sitting at a wooden table in her old white cottage. A nice tea set, her grandmother’s as she realized later, sat in the center, along with a large stack of letters. “Y/N, what the bloody hell happened to you, I’ve been worried sick!” 

Her red-headed best friend scurried over to her, brushing invisible dirt off her shoulders and pulling her up abruptly. James fixed the glasses on his nose, cleaning them off with his striped jumper. “You look a little disheveled right now, Y/N, what ran you over?” 

“You know who she reminds me of right now, Jamie? That crazy witch friend of Dumbledore’s that made her way onto campus back in seventh year.” Lily giggled as she hugged Y/N.

“Merlin’s beard, you’re right!” James walked over to the woman of the hour, ruffling her hair with a smirk on his face. “If you were about twenty years older I’d have no trouble believing you were the same person.”

While Lily and James recalled their memories from the strange woman all those years ago at Hogwarts, Sirius pulled Y/N aside, an arm wrapped around her waist. The warmth radiating from his body was nice, embracing her in a comfort she hadn’t felt in so long.

“I’m going to go ahead and believe that I did something right?” Sirius grabbed her hand, and only then did she notice the coolness of metal sitting on her left ring finger. There sat the single band of gold, a small ruby encased in its plating. She had once joked that diamonds were too overrated, and he went out and got her the most vibrant gem he could find, claiming that it was just like her. But regardless of its shape, size, or type of gem, it was there.

“Yeah, Siri,” Y/N replied with tears in her eyes, “you did good.” 

“Oi, Blacks, stop making out and get over here, we got a letter from Minnie!” James yelled, making both wives chuckle. “Harry’s gotten himself in detention for punching Malfoy again.”

“Oh, thank Merlin, the boy deserves a few more good hits.” Sirius laughed. 

“McGonagall still talks to us?” Y/N asked in amazement. “You’ve got to get me caught up.”

“Don’t worry, darling, we’ve got all the time in the world.” Sirius gently placed his lips onto hers, and for once in nearly twenty years, Y/N felt at peace. There were no more hasty warnings of the future, no psychotic old men coming after her family, no young girls rushing in to tell her how to fix her screwed up life. Cracked, pink lips moving against her own, his tongue delving into her mouth, and Y/N knew she was finally off the clock.

[bostarsky]

First Lines Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

I was tagged by @tc-lp and since I don’t really interact that much on tumblr consider yourself tagged if you’re a writer, I don’t know y’all’s blog names😂

1. Werewolf 2: Electric Bogaloo (Kylux, 5k)

“To Hux there’s nothing quite like the rush he gets from walking Kylo down the street.”

2. Should Have Locked the Door (Clydeland, 377 words)

“Usually Clyde would never consider doing something as risky as having sex on the living room couch, but by the time that thought ocurs to him Stensland is already balls deep and the only thought on his mind is how danged good it feels.”

3. Fuck You and Your Poodle (Kylux, 3600 words)

“Hux considers himself a man of particular tastes, his family line holds prestige and his bank is impressive to say the least.”

4. At This Point I’m Praying FOR That Dick (Kylux, 3600 words)

“Ben never meant for it to go this far, whatever this thing he has with Hux is, it should have ended the day he was excommunicated.”

5. God Did NOT Save Me From That Dick (Kylux, 3400 words)

“As dreadful and humiliating an experience as it was, Ben felt no surprise at being put under a magnifying glass by his peers.”

6. The Little Dumbass (Kylux, 22800 words)

“His mother always tells him not to stray too close to where the land dwellers are, but Kylo is curious and confident in his ability to defend himself should he need it.”

7. Who Says Petty Crime Doesn’t Pay? (Kylux, 1200 words)

“A wet nose bumps into Kylo’s shin, a few sniffs following in quick succession, then a reedy little meow.”

8. God Save Me From This Dick (Kylux, 2200 words)

“After that sweltering afternoon in Hux’s house, Ben has been praying for forgiveness.”

9. Charity Work (Kylux, 1900 words)

“It can be discouraging to have countless doors slammed in his face, but Ben is sure in his faith and knows eventually there will be a door that remains open.”

10. Fido, Fishnets, and Body Parts (Kylux, 500 words)

“It didn’t take Hux long to find out that Kylo’s sense of style and his career affects every aspect of his life.”

11. Between a Cock and a Hard Place (Kylux, 3500 words)

““Do you EVER think anything through!” Hux screams at him from about two inches away, spittle spraying Kylo’s face.”

12. Fill me Like a Creampuff (Kylux, 1900 words)

“There are many pros to having a roommate, pros that enable Kylo to live somewhere decent at all.”

13. Oh, To be a Flower in Clyde Logan’s Hair (Clydeland, 500 words)

“Clyde knows about the ongoing challenge amongst his patrons, it’s hard not to when every night he’s bombarded with any number of bad jokes and dumb things from the internet that he doesn’t understand.”

14. The Sound of Rain (Kylux, 1200 words)

“This isn’t exactly what he had in mind when Hux asked him if he wanted to come over so they could get rid of their sexual tension once and for all.”

15. Pink Cadillac (Clydeland, 5600 words)

“Ever since puberty hit and Clyde grew a whole foot in a couple of years, he’s been very aware of his size.”

16. It’s Raining Men (Kylux, 3400 words)

““Hey, Kylo! We’ve got a call for a cat stuck up a tree.””

17. Hook, Line, and Sinker (Clydeland, 850 words)

“When he’d met Stensland Clyde had thought he was odd for a human.”

18. Idiots, Idiots Everywhere (Kylux, 570 words)

““You should kiss Hux.””

19. When Nature Calls (Kylux, 700 words)

“It had started out well enough but Hux should have know that stubbing his toe this morning had been a foreshadowing of more bad luck to come.”

20. Butt I Wanted a Pillow (Kylux, 1670 words)

“The room is immaculate, Hux will give them that much, being that he’s in Las Vegas he almost expected there to be a little ziplock bag of cocaine on the pillow instead of the neatly wrapped chocolate.”

And there we go, all of these, and many more, can be found on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoStarsky/pseuds/BoStarsky/works I chose to stick to my last 20 Kylux and adjacent stories that I wrote on my own just for the sake of consistency. Honestly I still love all of these cause I did write most of them for myself more than anyone else, I just like sharing with the fandom.

As for a favourite opening line I’m not really sure, mostly cause my memory is shit more than anything else. I’ve read so many good fics in this fandom over the years that I’m not sure if I could choose just one anyway.

[filisaceaf]

Howdy y’all! 🤠

I know I have been particularly radio silent and I figured it was time I opened up about my absence alongside giving a lil writing update (which helps me out because I don’t even remember where I am with some of these fics).

(I am ashamed of this fact, don’t worry.)

But the main reasons for my latest absence has been a lethal combination of hip surgery/recovery, the lack of taking my medication consistently, and a lot of burnout.

Let’s start with the hip surgery! I went in for hip pain in about early April, found out I had a stress fracture about two weeks later and ended up going in for surgery pretty quickly after they found the stress fracture. It was a simple pinning but when I say I have been utterly exhausted, I’m not kidding. Just trying to get around for a work day is causing me to sleep 12 hours a day. But I’m getting stronger and since I’m on desk duty at work, I’m doing my best to try writing again.

Burnout. Pretty topical considering Dan’s latest video, eh? I would say the burn out started in December/January and I just kept trying to ignore it until the point I went in for all my hip appointments. After that, I kind of just. Needed a break, you know? The small break seemed to have helped. I actually wrote 1k words today and I liked most of them. But I am going to ask for patience for future uploads, especially as I try to refind my joy of writing phan.

(God, I am a pretentious fuck)

Speaking of uploads, here’s a writing update for the current ongoing stories/series I have going on in no particular order of importance:

OSPBB Super Secret Sequel- As you can imagine, due to the above burn out, I did decide to drop out of the OSPBB this year (but I have some powers and the stuff that is posting is AMAZING this year so definitely check out the postings @oldschoolpbb). However, this is being saved for the next one and I’m slowly pecking away at it because it is going to be a behemoth.

i burn for you (and no one else)- To be honest, I almost want to delete this. This was written at the height of my burnout with little to no planning and while I’ve gotten some pretty positive feedback on it (which I super appreciate), I’m just not satisfied with it. Is it possible I could delete it and republish it in the future? Yes. But for now, I’m undecided and will put HIATUS in the summary.

you and i (ten year anniversary edition)- I probably feel the most guilty about this fic since someone paid money for this and I just haven’t looked at it. This is probably going to be my summer project and I’m hoping to have it completed by the end of August.

helpless AU - Put the pitchforks down. I know this is a favorite. I know. I had written a little of the next chapter before burnout kicked in and I am determined to finish this series. It should have like nine more parts, but I’m not posting parts until all the chapters are done. I need to outline a bit of this next part but I’m hoping to have something up for this series by the end of June.

dancing on the blades (you set my heart on fire)- Okay. This one is going to be the most intense change. I am just moving it from one story into a two part series. Part One (which is the current story so far) is done, in all it’s imperfections and inconsistencies. If you go to this story within the next couple days, you will see that it says complete and the summary has changed. That is because I am stealing the summary for the series summary. Part two should start posting before the end of May. If you want to be updated when I post Part Two (title still undecided), I would suggest subscribing to me as an author. Just to make it super clear, I am still continuing this story. I have so much left in this story I want to tell and I think in a way I just needed a fresh start, especially since if you’ve read it, you can tell my writing style has been changing (hopefully for the better.

Um. I don’t really have anything else. Just wanted to swoop in, dump a lot of changes on you and skedaddle off. My ask box is always open if you have any questions, comments, concerns.

[princesssarcastia]

Thoughts on Star Trek AOS? (And do you think Kirk was on Tarsus?)

i have SO MANY THOUGHTS about star trek aos, so buckle up.  brace yourself.

star trek aos is a terrible disaster and i love it SO MUCH.  for me, star trek 2009 is still in that class of unreasonably pleasing movies like the mummy or stardust or jumanji: welcome to the jungle.  what they are isn’t exactly top notch but you love them for being exactly what they are.

star trek aos is a star-studded fucking phenomenal cast of some of the best actors working today, which makes up for the very inconsistent writing and unfortunate low-level current of sexism.

literally where would i be today if chris pine could not make faces Like That. i honestly couldn’t tell you.

overall, I have quite a few bones to pick with JJ Abrams for setting up a star trek universe that is less Wacky Space Utopia adventures with liberal political commentary ranging from unsubtle to im-hitting-you-over-the-head-with-my-opinions-like-they’re-a-brick—

to this kind of overtly militarized action-hero adventure porn where one white man saves the universe from Scary People Who Don’t Look Like Us And Are Crazy.  I also don’t appreciate what they did to Jim Kirk, turning him into this womanizing self-centered bastard who has to be in charge.  I REALLY don’t appreciate the casual misogyny, what with the last of rank stripes for women and the gratuitous sex-ed up scenes and the way that Amanda Grayson gets fridged for man-pain and and and— you get the picture.

Or at least, that’s what they tried to do to jim kirk.  and god fucking bless chris pine for being able to make facial expressions, because i firmly believe if pretty much almost anyone else had played Jim Kirk as written by JJ Abrams, that’s exactly what he would have been.

But because of chris pine’s acting, instead, most of the AOS fandom and I realized/decided that this “womanizing” version of jim kirk actually really really hates himself so much, most likely for trauma reasons. 

we took that shit and ran with it and never really stopped.

zachary quinto is also like god tier casting.  unfortunately the writers for the first two movies mostly gave him Anger as a primary motivator, which like, is not exactly how I would interpret Spock at all, but quinto played this Angry Spock so so well.

ZOE SALDANA PLAYS THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE, NYOTA UHURA, PERFECTLY AND THAT’S ALL I’LL HEAR ON THE MATTER.

john cho should be cast in everything ever he’s amazing and I love seeing him.  this man has the range. hikaru sulu is the backbone of this fucking ship.  this man wins the big damn hero award every single movie. 

i still miss living in the same world as anton yelchin. i really, really do.

I also have found family feelings all over these movies, where these baby versions of iconic characters from the sixties are brought together too early to witness too much fucking trauma.  harry potter references aren’t exactly in vogue right now, but there’s this one piece from a—well, actually, its a harry potter reference in an mcu fic i read years ago, now that i think about it, but anyway:

it was something like, there are some things you can’t go through with a person—like that mountain troll in harry potter—without becoming friends for life.  there are some crucibles that will bind you together forever.  and awful as it is, I think Nero and the Vulcan genocide were the AOS crew’s mountain troll.  there’s no going back or separating, after that.

also I feel like there’s a ton of competence porn in this trilogy that i deeply, deeply enjoy.

star trek: 2009 and into darkness are both grimdark male power fantasy bullshit that only accidentally hits all the right buttons for me.  I love them dearly but i know EXACTLY what they are, thank you.

star trek: beyond is a delightful movie with no real plot where our favorite crew are finally Adults With A Modicum Of Common Sense And Stability, instead of Disaster Children Angsting All Over The Place, and they get to save the universe with the power of excellent rock music and friendship. how cool is that?!?  i wanna give simon pegg a high five for making this movie.

on a more meta note, what I find kind of satisfying about these movies is that—for all his many faults that i’m always happy to expound upon—JJ Abrams actually went for it.  He Did That.  He just made his own brand new timeline, killed jim kirk’s dad, then gave him an abusive uncle/step-dad, then literally destroyed one of the founding planets of the Federation, then he, in an iconic fashion, switched Jim and Spock’s places in the infamous “wrath of khan” death scene, so instead Spock gets to watch Jim die. 

and you know what? I can forgive a lot of bullshit for that kind of poetic angsty fanfic plot detail. 

every time uhura says, “an alternate reality,” in star trek 2009 just gives me chills.  every time she says it, you feel the weight of sixty years of history and legacy sitting on these people’s shoulders, the weight of arguably one of the most popular TV shows of all time.

imagine, living in a new world you’re aware isn’t the one that was supposed to be.  imagine that!

oh! and on the question of tarsus:

what I think is probably true irl: JJ Abrams has never thought that far ahead in his life.  correct me if i’m wrong, but hadn’t he.....not even watched star trek.........when he made these movies............like lol i’d bet you this man didn’t even really know Tarsus was a thing.  And even if he did, I don’t think he thought it was part of the new canon he was creating.  AOS is much more self-contained than the serialized universe the original star trek was, so I don’t think that AOS was intended to encompass all those things, like tarsus, that we as a fandom like to obsess over.

what I personally enjoy: i love me some AOS fic that explores the ridiculous amounts of trauma that comes from living through a genocide.  I think that, given we all decided AOS Jim Kirk hates himself, and engages in a shit ton of self-sabotaging and destructive behavior to cope, it’s a reasonable jump to think that at least some of that comes from some survivor’s guilt bullshit from Tarsus.  And honestly, hit me up if you want recs for this, because boy do I have them.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: no one does angst quite like AOS!Jim Kirk.

what I believe wholeheartedly: this is like Schrödinger's Plot Point, okay, it both exists and doesn’t exist simultaneously.  it’s easy to read tarsus into some of jim’s behavior, and it’s easy to read none of it in, and both of those choices are valid.  go with your gut, go with what makes you happy, go with what you think makes sense.  This is where fandom lives, in these little details that fall through the cracks.

anyway WOW did I talk a lot.  those are at least some of my star trek thoughts.  i do have others, but i’ve expounded on them before on this blog, and y’all don’t need me to repeat myself

ask me my thoughts on ______

[homoose]

you’ve probably answered this before and if so feel free to ignore lol but which are your favorite CM ships? and maybe which ones you don’t like?

I don’t think I’ve ever answered this! i put it under the cut because this got a little long winded so sorry in advance lol 

✨fave ships✨

JJ x Will. and i will FIGHT ANYONE who comes for Will Lamontagne, Jr— that man is an absolute KING who didn’t bat a damn eyelash about leaving his home and all his friends/family behind so JJ could have her dream job and be the boss ass bitch/hero that he knew she was. he was basically a stay-at-home/working dad so that JJ could be off saving lives. he was ENDLESSLY supportive of her from day one and he is just such a great fit for her. he’s a great dad to the boys, a friend to Spence even after the garbage jeid plot line in season 15, and if u couldn’t tell I am just a HARDCORE Will stan.

Penelope x Luke. i was DEVASTATED that cm didn’t make morcia canon, but I’ll talk about that in a sec. i know that garvez was a last ditch effort to appease a rabid morcia collective, but the two of them really did work so well together. Luke was good for Penelope in a completely different way from Derek. she was devastated about the emotional loss of Derek, and he gave her the space to process that while also being SO persistent (but not in a gross way) in the development of his own relationship with her.

Penelope x Derek. i mean come on. COME ON. she’s his GOD GIVEN SOLACE??????? that’s some straight up soulmate shit. we ALL KNOW that the only reason these two never got together is because Penelope was a size 14– which by the way is the average size of an American woman. they had such incredible chemistry, and the way they SUPPORTED each other was literally unparalleled. there are so many examples of this, but some of the best  (besides GOD GIVEN SOLACE) are when she’s trying to be communications liaison and he brings her back to the OG PG, and when SHE COMES TO HIM AS AN ANGEL WHEN HE IS FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE?????? gtfoh sorry not sorry savannah

Spencer x Elle. um, they absolutely fucked. she was such a good fit for him and i sort of wrote them together in my first ever fic Winning is a Habit although i didn’t flesh it out (should i??? would y’all read that?). there’s nothing else to say about this really. it’s practically canon.

Spencer x Ethan. they also definitely fucked. Ethan gave him LITERAL bedroom eyes in that alley in New Orleans. like, they absolutely went back to one of their places and had crazy reunion sex during that case. again, practically canon.

Spencer x literally any of the one-offs cm gave him that they did nothing with. i could literally write an essay about this, but the fact that they waited until season 15 and then they gave him.... max???????????????? when he had all those other options?????????? i’m just endlessly confused.

JJ x Emily. if Will Lamontagne, Jr. didn’t exist, you can bet your sweet ass this is where my loyalties would lie. 

Emily x Hotch. she’s a le$bean but I can still see it.

Rossi x Strauss. LMAO don't come for me. they definitely boned in that hotel outside of the Dr. Who convention. also, she basically stopped being a massive bitch after he came back to the BAU, which just proves that she was getting it in. also, Rossi is devastated after her death. more than just a friend would be.

☺️ ships that I don’t personally ship, but that I 100% understand ☺️

Spencer x Derek. i really get this one and Spencer is 100000000000% bi so it’s definitely possible. but i think for me it’s a combination of viewing this as a brotherly relationship/seeing Penelope and Derek as an absolute perfect match that keeps me from being totally on board with it?

Spencer x Hotch. Hotch is Spencer’s surrogate father and no one will ever convince me otherwise. but they’re both so hot, and Spence is a twink, so I get it.

Spencer x Luke. again... i REALLY get this one. it’s the same as the Derek thing for me... i just see Luke as being fully in love with Penelope Garcia lmao.

😷 ships I’m not about 😷

Penelope x Kevin. GAG. NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. he was TERRIBLE. for Penelope and just in general. no no no nO.

JJ x Spencer. i will not even justify this with an explanation tbh.

Spencer x Maeve. sorry not sorry. this whole plot line was complete garbage. she was a victim of terrible writing, but that doesn’t change the fact that the whole arc was so incredibly boring and frankly i don’t even think she was a great match for him. part of it was because the whole thing was over the phone, but he had better chemistry in the thirty seconds he was on screen with that bar tender (Austin, maybe??). also, they basically dated for TEN MONTHS and he didn’t know that she’d been engaged like less than a year before that? lmao again, garbage.

Spencer x Max. this one i kind of understand, but it crosses into this final category for me because, again, i found it to be so damn boring. like, i know she was meant to be his “normal” relationship but he had AT LEAST three other more interesting characters that he could have had a “normal” relationship with that they just dropped after one scene/ep. I'm pretty sure the only reason they let it get so far was because Rachael Leigh Cook was a bigger name actress? literally the most interesting thing about Max was that she liked to go by a cute nickname? what else was supposed to be interesting about her? that she thought being a teacher was a second-class career path? when she’s talking to Spencer, a literal professor and lover of teaching/knowledge? there’s a whole post about it somewhere in the fandom where they explain it much better than I have but yeah, it’s a no from me dawg.

Rossi x anyone other than Strauss or Krystall. i will not elaborate.

[jacepens]

1: HamilTurn(you can differentiate if needed) or MCU, 2: Washette, 3: Anna Strong

And generally a fandom list would be nice to know what to pick from ;) (Love you♡)

You said HamilTurn or MCU and I say both, I'm going to try my best haha. But anyway, thank you!:) Apologies in advance if this gets rambly, but that's the point of this right? Anyway, for ease of scrolling sake, I'll probably put a cut if this gets long but don't worry, it's just me talking a whole bunch lol. Ok, thank you again!! <3 (love you too!)

1. Hamilton/Turn (fandom)

Favorite character: I have to say Lafayette for both. Oh and Mary

Least favorite character: I have no real reason behind this so sorry but Burr, and Simcoe for many reasons

5 favorite ships: washette, lams, hamliza, benwash, whamilton

Character I find most attractive: ...all. But I have to say overall Brian Wiles as Lafayette. That face just…🥺

Character I would marry: Mary Woodhull or Eliza

Character I would be best friends with: you know I'm not sure, but in an ideal world Lafayette (both versions) or Ben but I feel like we wouldn't be best friends. But also everyone, is that an option? Even some of the "villains" would have good stories to tell

A random thought: I feel like most people in the fandom now are so new (they joined in with the movie release!) and unaware of the uh atrocities of back in the day. And y'all are lucky, but those of us who know. Know. (yes, I was unbearable but that's ok because I was having fun, and despite what I just said: have fun in your fandoms even if you're "unbearable", just keep it welcome to all and enjoy the enthusiasm you have for it:))

An unpopular opinion: Oh boy. Maybe stop making quick judgments about people based on what they write/who they ship? There is a line, but I've genuinely never seen it crossed by anyone at least openly sooo just let people have fun? And don't say anything about something? Unless it's actually harmful but even then, keep it to a dm or something and have an open discussion. Just let people vibe, please? Especially younger fans. Just, I’ve seen a weird amount of negativity towards them. They’re kids having fun, we all used to be like that so please, be kind and patient. They’ll learn if they make a mistake. Ok? Ok cool:) (maybe not unpopular but still I wanted to say it)

My canon OTP: Am I allowed to say lams?

My non-canon OTP: washette, wow, who would've guessed? xD

Most badass character: Mary my beloved

Most epic villain: Robert Rogers hands down

Pairing I am not a fan of: no one murder me, but in general I'm just not a fan of jamilton. also whatever was the deal with Anna and Abe

Characters I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): um. Where to begin? Honestly I think every woman in Turn at one point or another, except perhaps Peggy in my opinion. Oh but especially Anna. Also Simcoe. With Hamilton, probably again everyone at some point, but the way Angelica was written just feels so overwhelmingly fictional it bugs me. (But at least Hamilton had some genuine relationships between women, not great but still)

Favorite friendship(s): Ben and Caleb, Washington and Lafayette (what?? yes, you fools. lol). It may sound a tad ~cringey~ but I generally like Hamilton's vibe with the boys, maybe it's just the gender envy, but it's kinda cute and fun.

Character I most identify with: well jeez, I won't lie but Washington. In both versions, except god knows I could never be that chill. Also a dash of Laurens.

Character I wish I could be: wow what a loaded question ummm. I don't want to be like him, but I want to be like in his position so Hamilton lol. Playing an active role but I know personally I am not cut out for a battlefield, so a desk suits me well.

2. MCU (fandom-that I am so out of date from, please take all of this with a grain of salt)

Favorite character: so when I was younger it was Tony Stark but now it’s definitely Wanda and T’challa

Least favorite character: ummm. I genuinely couldn’t tell you, I’m very out of date

5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon): wandavision, …ngl I can’t think of anymore, I honestly never shipped many and wandavision was like the only couple I remember really liking. Oh, I don’t know them but Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie

Character I find most attractive: embarrassing confession time, Loki was my first bad celebrity crush. Wanda now and Shuri is cute. Also Sylvie

Character I would marry: if I could, Wanda 

Character I would be best friends with: Vision and Peter Parker

A random thought: y’all it’s been so long since I’ve touched MCU I should catch up/refresh shouldn’t I?

An unpopular opinion: I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I’m going to say it anyway. Personally, I really don’t like the movie Civil War, I think it’s what sorta made me disinterested in mcu. It’s been years since I’ve watched it so maybe I would have a completely different opinion if I saw it today, but at the time it just felt so...wrong? And childish? I literally don’t even remember why they were fighting or how that movie even ended (I feel like it just wasn’t satisfying??) but I think also, as a kid or teen watching that, it reminded me sooo much of the dumb drama that, you know, kids get into. I mean, getting your friends on someone’s side like that?? Like, I know they were mad but- but there are other ways of dealing with emotions??? And involving everyone's friends too? So yeah, it just felt off to me at the time, and looking back now, from what I remember, it just frustrated me. Especially as a kid who deals with dumb drama like that all the time, kids would want to see a better example especially from adult superheroes or at least not be reminded of the bs they have to go through sometimes. But, rant over, that’s all just my opinion:) 

My canon OTP: wandavision

My non-canon OTP: ummm. I guess just Loki/Mobius and/or Sylvie lol

Most badass character: I have to say Natasha but actually there are many

Most epic villain: when I was younger I liked that Ultron was voiced by Robert California from the Office lol

Pairing I am not a fan of: I don’t know if it’s popular but I never liked Tony and Pepper. What happened with her?

Characters I feel the writers screwed up: I guess I’ll say Thor because I just felt such a weird difference in his personality that did not make sense to me

Favorite friendship: Wanda and Pietro!! Honestly I think a lot, there were a lot of good friendships but I can’t think of which ones are my favorite

Character I most identify with: ummmmmm. 

Character I wish I could be: My gut says Thor

3. Washette (ship-bless you<3 get ready for rambles oh no)

When I started shipping them: So I first had the thought in 7th grade while my history teacher was talking about them and my little brain went: haha that’s pretty gay. (teacher keeps talking about them) wait a fucking minute, that is pretty gay! But it wasn’t until I got sucked into Hamilton that I really started actively shipping them by reading fics and what not, but something about them became an instant favorite. And later (little personal story time) I pretty much completely stopped reading fic and being active in fandom for years and actually, when I got my first panic attack that - no joke - lasted for 5 hours, for some reason my brain (as it’s decaying lol) said I want to go and reread all my favorite washette fics and also do what I was I always too scared to do. Write!! So that night I binged the fics and found myself falling in love again, feeling all the old passion I had for them again, and the next night (still very shaken) I wrote an outline of a good ol washette confession + kiss that was extremely thoughtful and good, and honestly, I have not actually used that outline yet! Maybe I’m saving it. But yeah, this is a long answer, but I have a weird amount of attachment to them and this ship, I wish I knew why too. <3 

My thoughts: so many. Too many. First of all, I love that I have so many versions of them in my mind, right? When I started writing, I had never watched Turn but then I did and then it was like: hell yeah, another washette set. At this point, my brain has created it’s own unique version of them but it’s like, they’re so versatile! That’s one neat thing about this fandom as a whole, we get more than one character and personality and that’s just fun right?! More specifically on washette I mean, they’re just so sweet. Historically, their relationship is unique and cute, and you’d have to be a fool to think that to Washington Lafayette was just another friend. Even strictly platonically, it was something special and it’s so obvious I just love them. Ok. Enough thoughts for now <3

What makes me happy about them: the loooove, the comfort they found in each other, the fact that like every person at the time documenting them knew and understood they were special to each other like, they were just that in love. 

What makes me sad about them: oh so much that I try to ignore lol. There is the one year when Lafayette went to France and all his letters to Wash are like: “I have not received one letter from you, but it’s ok, I love you and I know you love me too :)” WHO WAS NOT DELIVERING THESE LETTERS, I HAVE NAMES, NOW I WANT ANSWERS. Anyway, also just most things that happened when Laf went back to France. And then when he visited America in 1824 and visited Washington’s grave. Yeah. ow. (also, you know what, I have done too much research on this event. lmk if you would like a post)

Things done in fanfic that annoy me: Generally, I’m not annoyed by much in fanfic at least with them and what I’ve seen. I’m still nostalgic for the old school nonbinary Laf fics, so it ain’t those. Literally maybe it’s because I’m starved for content but I can’t really think of anything, I love it all.

Things I look for in fanfic: back to the whole starved for content thing, I am a library of washette fics but I think if I was to pick a certain thing that I would love it’s just um fluff? And honesty, if that makes sense. Love confessions are very good as well. Canon era, please :) pining but not too much that it hurts me lol

My wishlist: literally all my wips. If I could whisk them into existence I could die happy and knowing I have put a variety of washette content in the world. Something else though, more fics :’) I love writing but sometimes I want to curl up with a cozy, new washette fic like a cup of hot chocolate and be surprised and learn something new and just..yeah:)

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: what. Ok but actually, Martha and Adrienne because they are both honestly perfect for them and I love them too (I’m going to be biased, especially Adrienne)

My happily ever after for them: Can Lafayette just move the family to America? But also, it’s sad, but like I know Laf would be sad in America while France suffers. So...maybe a world where things in France go better and Lafayette gets to visit Washington more often and bring the family!! (Washington visit France too??)

4. Anna Strong (character)

How I feel about this character: I like her! She’s fun and…strong (oops lol) and she’s made some mistakes sure, but I feel like she did her best to learn from them and move on

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly, I know they didn’t have a lot of interaction in the show but Anna/Mary has potential. And Anna/Edmund

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: her and Ben and Caleb

My unpopular opinion about this character: I really can’t think of anything unpopular

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: in general, her having more screen time with less men you know? I mean like one-on-one kind of scenes. Also I would’ve liked to see at least her and Selah talk. Like, really talk. They never really did that, right? I just have so many questions about them

Favorite friendship for this character: Anna and Ben

My crossover ship: I have no idea

And well, I know it’s been a few days but for a fandom list, I’m just a weeb lol but here

Octopath Traveler (my beloved)

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Star Wars

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812

Persona 4

Zelda (to a point)

Pokémon

What We Do in the Shadows

Sailor Moon

Literally anything historical

Ok!! I tried to add a lot because I’m not sure what you might know or not haha. But thank you again!! I had fun <3

[rossmccallsqueen]

Music and Lyrics

Brian May x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Brian have just had a beautiful little girl, but she doesn’t have a name yet.

Warnings: N/A (just lots of fluff)

Word count: 1.6K (I know it’s short I’m sorry)

A/N: I know it’s been awhile and I’m so sorry y’all. Quarantine has not been my friend, but I’m so happy to be writing again. I hope you enjoy!

Nine months later and here you were, in your hospital room, absolutely exhausted. You’d been told time and time again that being pregnant and giving birth were truly tiring, but now that you were experiencing it first hand it was an entirely different ball game. It was your first pregnancy after all, so this was so new to you. Your saving grace had been your husband. Brian was not a first-time dad, but this was his first with you. He had been so excited throughout your whole pregnancy, wanting to experience all of your firsts with you.

You knew it was because he hated himself for missing those things with his other children. He was going to be there the whole time, he told you. And he had been. When the two of you had heard your daughter’s heartbeat for the first time you remembered Brian had tears in his eyes. You could tell this was special to him, and the love you felt for him was indescribable in those moments.

You would be lying to yourself if you hadn’t been nervous about Brian becoming a dad again. In the back of your mind, there was that little worry that he wouldn’t give your daughter as much attention and things like that. Every time you’d convince yourself out of it but for some reason, the thought wouldn’t go away. Anxiety was a funny thing sometimes when it came to things like that, you thought. Brian was amazing with his other kids. He had spent so long righting his wrongs with them, and you felt he had done so.

But what if the same things happened again? You didn’t want him to be the dad that your daughter only sees once every couple of weeks. Everyone knows the early years are so important to a child’s well being and life in the long run. You looked over at him, as he was asleep on the couch chair thing that the hospital always puts next to the bed for dads when their significant other was in labor. He looked peaceful, unlike yourself. You’d think that after pushing a whole baby out of you that you’d be tired enough to sleep, but apparently not.

You thought you should at least try to shut your eyes. Maybe then you would be able to trick yourself into falling asleep, but you had your doubts. Just because your eyes were closed, didn’t mean that your brain would turn off at the same time.

Not long after you started to trick yourself into falling asleep, you heard a soft knock on the door.

“Yeah?” You heard Brian say.

“I saw Mum was asleep, so I thought Dad would want to spend some time with the little one. Still no name yet?

“Not yet. I would love to take her.” Brian responded. Small coos came from her mouth as Brian gently took her from the nurse. Followed by the nurse’s footsteps out of the room and the door shut, you opened your eyes just enough to see Brian lean back against his chair bed with your daughter on his chest.

That was another thing that had been on your mind, trying to figure out her name. Whenever one of you came up with something the other one didn’t like it. You were about to ask Freddie because he had named Tiger Lily for Roger. Freddie seemed to be the best at coming up with names. But Brian insisted. He thought that the two of you should come up with it since it was your first child. You just had a child and there were a million things on your mind, no wonder you couldn’t sleep.

You peeked your eye open again one more time, and you saw Brian kissing your daughter’s forehead. He had tucked her in under his t-shirt and was rubbing her back. You kind of wished that you weren’t pretending to be asleep so that you could get the camera out and take a picture. However the more you looked, the more you could tell it was a special moment.

“I cannot believe we still don’t have a name for you, little one. I thought your brother and sister were small, but you give a new meaning to the word.” He spoke so softly. It would always amaze you how he could sing so loudly on stage, but talk so softly to tiny humans.

“You’re absolutely beautiful, just like your mum. You’ve got my nose though, you poor thing. Your mum will say I have a wonderful nose but I’m not so sure that I agree with her.” You smiled, as he was right. You loved Brian’s nose. She started getting a little fussy, and Brian kissed her again.

“Would you like to hear a song? Yeah how about we sing a song. You’ll grow up hearing lots of it baby girl.”

Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful?

Isn’t she precious? Less than one minute old

I never thought through love we’d be, making one as lovely as she

But isn’t she lovely, made from love?

He was singing one of your favorite Stevie Wonder songs. He had sung it to her while she was growing inside you, so you knew he would sing it to her once she was born. Your damn hormones were making your eyes water looking at the two of them because it was so sweet. Any worries that you had about Brian before were slowly starting to go out the window. You could already tell that his whole heart and more loved your daughter. Within a day, she was already your whole world.

Isn't she pretty? Truly the angel's best

Boy, I'm so happy, We have been Heaven blessed

I can't believe what God has done

Through us, He's given life to one

But isn't she lovely made from love?

Brian made the song sound like something completely new. His voice had put your daughter to sleep and it was starting to do the same thing to you. You didn’t want to fall asleep yet though, you wanted to watch how precious Brian was being with your daughter. Then it came to you again, you still hadn’t thought of a name for her.

You’d already suggested just about every name you could think of. At least the ones that you’d read in all the baby books you’d been given. She was already looking to be a Daddy’s girl, so maybe Brian would think of something.

You watched the two of them a little bit more. Brian continued to sing and your daughter didn’t make a fuss. His voice was like magic to her. That daddy daughter bond was definitely one to be taken seriously. She had Brian wrapped around her little finger so tightly already.

She had a head full of hair, which she definitely got from Brian. You could see the little curls forming on the top of her head, just like his. She had his nose and his hair, but he’d told you that she had your eyes and your smile (which he had also said were the best features to get). You wanted to hold her, but at the same time it was the sweetest thing getting to observe them. Brian had paused in his singing, and you took the chance to “wake up” from your nap.

“Hello love, who do you have there?” You asked. Brian looked up at you and a warm smile spread across his face.

“Just our little one. She’s the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. How did we create something like this?” He kissed her forehead one more time.

“I’ve been asking myself that since she got here. But ya know what?”

“What is it my love?” Brian could barely take his eyes off your daughter.

“She still doesn’t have a name. Maybe we should come up with one?” You suggested, a little smile showing in your tone.

“That might be a good idea, yes.” He laughed a little, and got up out of his chair while holding your daughter tightly in his arms. She was so small his arms almost swallowed her. You moved a little so that Brian could sit down with you on the bed. He maneuvered so that your daughter was laying on the bed in front of you two so that you could both get a good look at her.

“Any ideas Mr. May?” You asked.

“Not a one. How about you Mrs. May?” It always made you feel all warm and glowy inside when he called you that. That would definitely never get old.

“I think I have one.” You smiled. You’d finally thought of it.

“Care to share with the class?” He raised an eyebrow and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I heard you singing to her. She loved the sound of your voice, it was almost like magic. So I think we should call her Melody.” You looked at Brian for his reaction. His eyes lit up like it was Christmas, and you knew that was the one.

“That’s it. That’s her name! Melody May. What a wonderful name for a wonderful little girl made from love.”

But isn’t she lovely? Made from love.

———————

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Masterlist Masterpost

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Alright, and I am back with another update! But first, some stuff a friend noticed in the first few pages and mentioned to me that I didn’t take in when I went over them on my own the first time:

The park they’re in as kids is pretty close to the apartment complex Izuku and his mom live in! Considering that said apartment complex is right there in the background. Which probably isn’t a huge thing, but a neat thing to note.

The age these kids manifest their quirks at seems to be more preteen / teenage years, though I don’t know whether that’s just because it is later activation or because there were (subtle) quirks before that, with the glowing baby just being the one that had people sit up and realize something was actually going on.

Endeavor ad! And it has the time of that event that day, too - 8:14 AM! I wonder what he’s advertising… or perhaps it’s a news report? An interview of some kind? It might just be a ‘breaking news, we got Endeavor on our channel’ sort of thing. The only part that I can read is the first three katakana for the biggest text, which is ‘E-n-de’ and matches the wiki’s katakana for ‘Endeavor’. If anyone can get a good enough look at the smaller text in order to tell me what the rest says, I would appreciate it!

Just a few things, but obviously I need to up my observation game if I want to catch all this stuff!

[No. 1 - Midoriya Izuku: Origin]

So now we’re at Aldera / Orudera Junior High, with Izuku’s class being in their last year before high school. Since Japan’s schools start on the second week of April, we know this has to be that first week of school, because Katsuki’s still 14 and his birthday is April 20th, which would almost always be the third week of April / second week of school. 

What is that writing stance. You are going to have an old man’s back by the time you graduate high school. I mean, I wouldn’t know anything about that personally, cough cough…

Anyways! We get a look at Izuku’s class and their quirks, and what a collection. Also, with an attitude like that, no wonder this school is seen as bad, like, what the fuck dude. Not exactly a competent homeroom teacher, are you?

The ones that I can see, from leftmost row to rightmost row, are [1] floating hair, stretchy fingers, dark matter, [2] smokey arms, spike fists, stretchy eyes, frog throat, some sort of flash/illumination quirk, [3] rocky body, ???, stretchy neck, flamethrower arms, extra arms, [4] sharp hair, big chompers, wedge face, [quirkless], mouth face (seen in the next panel and holy FUCK new sleep paralysis demon), [5] horns, telekinesis, [explosion], buff bod, ???, [6] wind control, ???

WHY.

But yeah, this also establishes the first rule of ‘don’t use quirks in school’ thing that… also gets promptly ignored the several other times we see stuff set in this school. Which, what a shock, people sort of sliding around inconvenient rules.

Anyways, Katsuki has proven that he hasn’t changed since those first few childhood panels way back (checks) ten pages ago. And Izuku is being… very shy and trying to avoid drawing attention. But no shaking, particularly, just… wallflower mode, more like.

But yeah, Katsuki is not exactly on great terms with the rest of the class, who are rightfully pissed off at him treating them rudely and calling them extras. Though honestly, I’m surprised that they’re surprised he’s aiming for UA, it’s not like he wouldn’t have been obvious about that for, like, years at this point. You’d think they’d all roll their eyes and be like ‘yeah yeah we’ve heard this spiel before’ or something. IDK.

Oh man, and Izuku already KNOWS what’s coming, look at how he’s hiding his face!

Katsuki is, of course, Fucking Extra and hops on his desk, and gets right into bragging, where, AGAIN, this should have been stuff this class has known about for ages, why are they so shocked?? And huh, interesting, he’s not only interested in surpassing All Might, but also in being one of the richest people in the world. Wow, I cannot even with him, especially knowing he lives in this house in particular:

Which, it should be clear, is an EXPENSIVE lifestyle when most families live in modest apartments because of space being so valuable in Japan. 

God this is a fantastic image. I wanna frame it on a wall somewhere. Hori managed to convey all the emotions in one face and I admire the man for it. 

With the whole class laughing, there’s a thing I want to note that fandom seems to not pay attention to: they note that Izuku gets good grades! I’ve seen fics that basically have him forced to sabotage his own grades to avoid getting backlash, but like… no, I don’t think that’s actually a thing. 

[Also an aside, we finally see one more class quirk, which seems to be some sort of bulked up arm? It looks a bit like mummy bandages, as far as I can tell.]

Izuku gets into defending himself, saying there’s no precedent, but he IS defending himself against them, so again, he’s not cowering as much as some people seem to think he does based on fics, and clearly he’s still willing to stand up for himself to some degree. 

...then of course, Katsuki blows up Izuku’s desk and sends Izuku sprawling. And is pissed that Izuku apparently thinks he, who is quirkless, can somehow be on the same level as Katsuki. Izuku swears up and down that it’s not about Katsuki, that he just really wants to try, and this somehow pisses Katsuki off even more. 

I want you all to remember this image - save it on your computers, bookmark this post, whatever you need to do. We’ll come back to it in, oh (checks watch) about 284 chapters. Or maybe sooner in a separate post where I can put it under read more and avoid spoiling people more than this does. Because DAMN can I gush on this moment.

Anyways, we have a change of scene, right after noon, with a thief with a sludge transformation and,,,,,,,, legs and pants,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Where the fuck did those pants go, sir. Sir. What the fuck, sir.

Also, we get our first meeting with the OG dad, the sunflower man himself, who blooms into 255 kilos of muscle in one panel. Also, man I forgot about the fucking giraffe neck Hori used to draw him with, holy heck, why are you so l o n g.

L O N G.

...right, anyways, back to the school, which is apparently over for the day. The rest of the class is heading out, and Izuku’s back to his chipper self, even humming a happy note as he grabs his notebook-

Before Katsuki nabs it from his hands. There are a few people who’ve hung back who notice the title and pick fun at izuku, so I guess Izuku actually… doesn’t talk about his desire to be a hero that much in middle school, if the others are all so surprised about it. He apparently doesn’t even make his notebooks obvious to them, since this is the first time any of them seem to be seeing it. Which I mean, it makes sense if the class will tease him for it, but like. Even with Katsuki stealing the book, Izuku’s not super panicked or having a nervous breakdown.

But yeah, Katsuki just blasts the book, but! It’s just the cover singed (and edges) when we know he could have demolished that book entirely. Again, he’s definitely being a bully and a jerk here, but he’s got way more self-control than fandom likes to assume. 

Izuku’s upset because of his damaged notebook, and Katsuki just huffs and throws it out the window while saying he’s gonna be the only kid from Aldera to go to UA. And Izuku, EVEN WHILE STRESSING, thinks of him as vain for thinking that way! That’s not the first thought of someone too terrified to do anything.

Edit: As pointed out to me in [this post], it was Katsuki’s crony who was thinking of him as vain, not Izuku. My bad!

Also note the lack of damage to Izuku’s school uniform. I know I’ve seen fics where there’s a hole made and a burn scar left that Izuku has to tend to, but Katsuki, again, has not directly used his quirk against Izuku. We’ve never seen it, just the smoke and flash used for intimidation. I’m getting more and more confident that Katsuki has never actually used his quirk against a person, which I’m probably gonna get a bit more into during the battle training in a few chapters.

But yeah, the cronies / extras basically call Izuku lame and that he can’t face reality. And then we get this scene:

That’s not the face of someone afraid. That’s Izuku’s determined face.

Izuku is about to stand up to Katsuki again. The way he always has, the way he always will. There has never been a point in the series where Izuku has NOT stood up to Katsuki when he feels it matters, and that’s part of the reason Katsuki is so pissed with him every time he does - because Izuku REFUSES to see his place! Not once!

(Please, for the love of god, respect the Izuku who didn’t need a quirk to stand up to others. Who isn’t ‘broken’ or ‘terrified’ of Katsuki or anything like that. He’s a stubborn kid and we Stan That.)

Izuku, however, is not confident enough in this situation to want to press the issue, so he relents and says nothing when Katsuki prods him to escalate things. And then we immediately get to the ‘you idiot, don’t fucking suicide bait!’ but you can tell it’s been a stressful few moments for him. 

So yeah, the summary of this section is ‘Izuku is not an uwu suffering babey, and Katsuki is way more restrained than people seem to think.’ 

I’m cutting it off here since, again, we got a lot of info and character examination, and honestly this whole chapter is a long ass one (55 pages!!!!) and it’s establishing the entire setting from the ground up. And honestly, I’m just vibing in being Right about how I’ve been viewing the characters at the start of the series… even if i am guilty of sometimes playing with fanon for my own means…

Still, this is fun! Hopefully y’all are having fun too!

[sourestlemon]

So. I made a bet with my friend that I could get through Omegaverse Haikyuu fanfiction because he says I can’t so if I read https://archiveofourown.org/works/13330632/chapters/30514041 that I’m going to get free icecream and twenty bucks.

But still, Bokuaka! Bokuaka is beautiful, I should rant about it more actually

This is me talking about this fic as I read, so it’ll be updated until I finish

Note, I’ve finished and it’s very very long. You’ve been warned

There’s my review and meta at the end of this as well as some critiques

Spoilers ahead.

“The Jewel of Seijou”

THE WHAT NOW

IWAOIIII

Bokuaka is so fucking cute dear god.

Oh. It’s sinful now

Ushijima better stop throwing shade at my boi’s

“"I can't believe you all think that you can go against the crown and live!" Ushishima says silencing them all. The alpha was slowly emitting his pheromones wanting to show them all his superiority. No one said a word against him. "Toru! I didn't know you'll be as lowly to use your family name to gather us here!" The alpha seethed to the omega that could have been his wife. Iwazumi hackles raised and bared his lips at the beginning of a growl. "And you!" Ushijima turned to Bokuto full on emitting his pheromones making the rest of the alpha's shoulder hackle cautiously and Oikawa to cling at Iwazumi. But Bokuto meet Ushijima calmly, unfazed by the bloodlust while Akaashi was frozen to his spot but didn't show any emotion.”

So what we get out of this paragraph is

1) Bitchy Ushi. I love Ushijima don’t get me wrong he’s precious but like. This fic Ushijima? Son of a bitch walking up in here like “Toru! How dare you be so lowly—“ and fucking trying to dominate everyone.

2) Protective Iwaizumi. Protect the precious Seijou Jewel. Do it, fight for him, protect him he’s scared.

3) Is Ushijima salty because Oikawa didn’t choose him? Oh god, he is isn’t he.

4) Akaashi’s go to emotion isn’t emotion.

5) Shits about to go down, Bokuto is gonna flip eventually, if Ushi threatens anyone—it’d probably be Oikawa or Akaashi seeing as they’re omega’s—I can see Bokuto and Iwaizumi just flipping their shit.

God I’m way to invested. Why did I read this

USHIJIMA IS A COWARDLY LITTLE BITCH IN THIS FIC, STAB HIM HINATA

D O I T

Awww Kageyama cares, Tsukki cares

OH MY GOD TENDOU!

More people came surrounding them. "What the hell," Akaashi recognized Iwazumi's voice.

Iwaizumi’s reaction is the only respectable reaction.

Wait this has major character death in the tags

Fuck

Everyone has decided that Oikawa and Akaashi must be defended but just once I want them to flip their shit and kill someone. Just once.

Bokuto, Lev and Iwaizumi all want to protect Oikawa but Iwaizumi doesn’t even fucking trust em.

Why does everyone act like Nishinoya not wanting to move on so quickly is a bad thing? It’s perfectly reasonable and I hate how everyone is like “What’s wrong with you, do you not like us?” And getting super standoffish or snappish simply because Nishinoya loves Asahi so much and doesn’t want to feel like they didn’t need him.

I really don’t like how Nishinoya/Tanaka/Ennoshita became a thing in this fic. It would be cute if it didn’t just happen because Nishinoya was desperate and if he wasn’t he wouldn’t have fucked Tanaka.

Oh dear god I don’t want Kenma to die.

Oh thank god it’s okay.

Fuck I forgot they had boobs

Did Bokuto almost name the Kuroken baby Oya but changed last minute?

BO ISN’T COMING BACK IS HE?????????

I’m feelin a little sniffly. I might fucking cry over an Omegaverse fic. Oh how the mighty have fallen

Oh my god the stars. I don’t think Bo is coming back y’all. I’m so nervous

The fuckin royals aren’t getting Keiji. No. Nuh-uh FUCK THAT SHIT

THAT’S BOKUTO’S MATE STAY AWAY FROM HIM

-cue mac worrying about oikawa because seijou is allied with fukurodani and an easy way to tear seijou away from the alliance is to kidnap oikawa and iwaizumi might split to keep him safe and ushi fucking knows this and possibly tendou also oiks is pretty as fuck-

BOKUTO IS OKAY!

Iwaizumi making Bokuto promise to save Oikawa if things went to shit makes me so worried but the same time his lil speech made my IwaOi heart so happy.

Suga bby...

BOKUTO JUST KILLED A FUCKING CHILD

Tendou, Ushijima I never thought I’d say this but I fucking hate them right now. They better not hurt the other best Boi’s.

Ushijima is salty as fuck confirmed.

"You truly are a piece of art," Ushijima said gently ...."But not as beautiful as him," the alpha muttered as he threw the omega to the floor.

So, this little snippet sent disgusting shivers down my spine for two reasons.

1) Ushijima just yeeted Akaashi, my son and

2) Any reader knows who the ‘he’ Ushi is talking about is, the only person in this book who is said to be as beautiful as Akaashi. You guessed it, the boi who rejected Ushi-fucking-jima, Jewel of Seijou himself Oikawa Tooru.

The thing that grosses me out the most about this paragraph just on its own is that Ushijima is either guessing about what Oikawa looks like, or he actually knows which overall just gives me the heebie jeebies because Oikawa definitely didn’t want that. What makes my skin crawl in this little snippet is what Ushijima would do when if he got his angry little hands on Oikawa—or Iwaizumi, but Iwa would probably be killed or used as a bargaining chip.

Hmmmmm, I’m pretty sure Ushi is in love with Tendou but the beauty statement still stands possibly???? Unless specified otherwise, because Akaashi and Oikawa are canonically considered the most beautiful people in the fic.

Also this entire chapter just makes me feel so gross, fuck Ushijima man. Fuck him.

My Ushijima loving heart hurts reading this fic.

I just want Akaashi and Oikawa to straight up kill someone. Please, anyone who I don’t care about

I FUCKING SEE THE MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH WARNING AND I DON’T LIKE IT

FUCK

FUCK

FUCK

NOT BOKUTO

WAIT IS HE ALIVE

I WANNA SEE MY LITTLE BOY

HERE HE COMES

I WANT TO SEE MY LITTLE BOY

"I came right on time," Bokuto forced out his voice cracking with emotion. "Now I can engulf you in my arms and brighten your days despite the absence of the sun. You will no longer have to endure the cold winters alone. I'll be with you, I be there for you and our child," The alpha vowed his hands itching in need.

"Are you going to leave us again?" Akaashi needed to know. The omega already knew that he wouldn't be able to survive being apart from the alpha. He knew that he wouldn't win the battle with the overwhelming loneliness.

"The seas could dry up, the mountains could turn to pebbles, the trees could die and the whole world could be on fire and I still won't leave your side."

That was all Akashi needed to hear as he leaped into his alphas arm and let go of all the pain he has held in

I’m not crying I swear

They walked together side by side and Akaashi finally faced them. They were both beaten, bloody, and torn butinstead of feeling satisfaction he felt remorse. They both looked at him with soft, wide eyes, and he realized that this was the moment they were waiting for. They wanted to see the child that they both desperately wanted and Akaashi decided to give them a parting gift.

Akaashi had won, he had won from the very beginning and he held his trophy who was a small babe with golden orbs, with mutant white and black hair. He hadn't lied to Tendou when he had said that the baby looked exactly like his father.

OH MY FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOD I’M SOBBING DON’T TOUCH ME

Meta and Review

So I just read A/B/O for the first time and I knew absolutely nothing about the entire trope that Mpreg existed and to stay the hell away from it. Please remember this in the meta and tell me if there way of dividing characters is ever specified or if it’s just decided by top-bottom dynamics.

Wow.

The story was pretty good outside of what I’m about to talk about. I liked the ships and most of the buildup, the worldbuilding seems solid, the war and UshiTens situation was really interesting to me and it made Ushi and Tendou a bit morally gray and could’ve talked about how people could do bad things for what they thought were the right reason and everything was clean cut.

Overall? Eh. Could’ve been done better

Not onto the rest

This doesn’t seem as toxic or inherently bad as most fics I’ve seen, I didn’t really like how Omega’s are always inherently feminine—the dresses, jewels, how they’re seen as inherently weaker and sometimes helpless, how they’re always referred to as “my lady”—and aren’t really given another choice because they might have the ability to reproduce in A/B/O but they aren’t women. It’s okay if a man is really feminine but for all of them to be? It rubbed my the wrong way.

I wish that the power structure was handled different in A/B/O in general. Omega’s seem to be treated like they’re helpless and I just...don’t like it? Omega’s might be submissive but that doesn’t make them physically weaker and if it did, I would’ve thought they would have picked up some other useful skills like diplomacy or strategy.

As usually, my example of how a character could’ve been handled better is Oikawa.

He’s my favorite character and I adored him but he just didn’t really deliver. It felt like he was being treated like a kid throughout this entire fic, it didn’t seem like he was doing anything during the war. Even if Omega’s don’t have a lot of physically prowess and abilities, what happened to Oikawa’s strategic and analytical nature? Why was it never mentioned in any of Bokuto’s POV sections because out all the leaders of the Allied Kingdoms, Oikawa is the best strategist—Kuroo is the exception, not the rule and I thought they should’ve been working together because smort boys—but he was simply hidden away.

Now I have no problems with all the protective IwaOi scenes when they’re in immediate danger—it makes perfect sense if Omega’s are physically weaker but have other usable talents that are taken seriously—and Oikawa simply can’t talk his way out of said problem.

I do however, have a problem with cowering Oikawa. That feels so OOC at the beginning of the first scene I cited, where is all of the quick wit and worthless pride from the show? Now, it makes sense for Oikawa to start getting scared and simply slip behind Iwaizumi once Ushijima tries to dominate everyone and all the Alphas start freaking out if Oikawa is at an actual, physical disadvantage—I feel like the alpha’s their have similar frames, or at least most of them do. Bokuto, Ushijima, Kuroo and Iwaizumi are jacked and beefy, everyone but Iwa is relatively tall too. Now, Oikawa’s tall too but he’s much thinner and leaner. I’d be scared too if everyone could break me like a twig if it came down to it—but no ??? Apparently at the first sign of any conflict he just gets scared??? He doesn’t know what’s going on in his own fucking kingdom ???

This is not Oikawa.

I didn’t like how they treated most of the Omega’s actually, it felt like they were just reverted to helpless damsels in distress. What happened to Kenma’s observation skills? Nishinoya’s everything?

More importantly, what decides Alpha’s and Omega’s? Is it up in the air like gender is? What are Beta’s then? It can’t just be who’s top and who’s bottom, that would mean the alpha-beta-omega- status wouldn’t be decided until you had a mate

From what I’ve seen in the fic, it goes by ship dynamics but what if the characters who had more strategic, cunning, observant traits and weren’t as buff and muscly would be Omega’s and had the brain power while characters who relied more on physical prowess would be Alpha’s and dominant in a purely physical way sometimes while characters who were an odd combination of the two would be Beta’s.

Going by my logic, instead of the top being the alpha and the bottom just being an omega without any personality it would be...

Bokuto- Alpha, like he was in the story. He’s definitely more physically inclined then Akaashi.

Akaashi: Omega, same as in the fic. Not to say he isn’t athletic but he relies more on his mind.

Iwaizumi- Alpha, like in the fic but from a purely physical standpoint and because he can rein Oikawa in when his friend starts going nuts.

Oikawa - Beta, he’s quite powerful but he’s also manipulative, strategic and his mind is scary as fuck.

Kuroo- Beta, he relies on his physical prowess and dorkily perfect brain a lot so he’s also a mixture of both.

Kenma- Omega, physically he’s a twig but his mind is what makes him the brain of Nekoma

Hinata- Alpha, he doesn’t use his brain a lot and has a lot of physical power

Kageyama - Beta, he’s pretty smart when it comes to volleyball and he’s also physically strong

Suga - Omega, he’s quite clever and his brain power out ways his physical prowess by a landslide

Daichi- Beta, he firms strategies and relies on his brain, plus his killer thighs

Tsukishima - Beta, he has his hue fur and athleticism but his brain power is also strong as fuck

Yamaguchi - Beta, he seems to be really people smart and eventually his serves are pretty good.

Can Betas get into a relationship with other Betas? I don’t know or care, we stan Alpha-Alpha, Beta-Beta and Omega-Omega ships here

I DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS HOW IT WORKS THO

do I have to read more

[threeletterslife]

chana, what are some of your pet peeves while reading a story? like things such as bad grammar. btw i love your works!!

god i love this question so much. and thank you for reading! 🥺🥺🥺i really appreciate the love!

i’m seriously going to sound like a grumpy ol’ bitch saying this but i have a LOT of pet peeves lol. i have such specific, meticulous taste that it’s hard for me to find stories (internet fics and irl books alike) that pertain to my weirdass standards 😀

quick disclaimer! just because i don’t like some of these popular/infamous/adored tropes doesn’t mean they’re not bad at all! remember, i’m just rEALLy picky! here goes:

fake dating. (i hate it. i can’t stand it when a story’s main idea is fake dating. i just can’t seem to understand why anyone would want to fake date. the scenarios always seem so bs-ed or middle school-esque to me. but someone is always welcome to prove me wrong.)

bad grammar. (this one speaks for itself. i can’t stand bad grammar. this doesn’t mean i’ll jump on you if you make oNE little mistake <because, i mean, we’re all human, you know>. but if the grammar mistakes are consistent... and far too many... i will be pissed 😀😀😀) honorary mention common mistakes: every day vs everyday; your vs you’re; .” vs ”. ; affect vs effect; anymore vs any more; their vs they’re vs there; lay vs lie; except vs accept; then vs than; -- vs —

bland/generic y/n. (i love writing in 2nd pov. but just because this ‘y/n’ character doesn’t technically have a name... doesn’t mean... she isn’t allowed to have a personality. a bland or mary sue-type y/n with zero dimension can single-handedly deter me from reading the rest of the story. remember, y/n deserves a personality too 😭😭)

starting the story with “I woke up in my bed after hearing my eomma call my name from downstairs.” (this is just a very specific pet peeve of mine that triggers my fight or flight. i’m blaming this on wattpad.)

using honorifics and romanized korean. (this is going to be very controversial. but... i think it kinda has to be said. i do not want to read an english story that is very obviously not set in korea and have to go through words like “eomma” “oppa” “jagi” “saranghae” “hyung” “jimin-ah” “taehyung-ie” “unnie” “noona” and sometimes a whole SENTENCE in romanized korean. as someone who is korean, i find it—for the lack of a better word—cringy. because of some of the stories i’ve seen, i can’t even speak my own language sometimes without cringing. you could NEVER catch me calling my older cousins “oppa” anymore even though i’m supposed to out of literal respect and culture. and it’s thanks to the fact that some (thankfully, a minority of) fanfiction authors romanticize/sexualize it. don’t even get me started on my younger cousins/siblings calling me “noona.” i wanna d-word every time i hear it because it’s been so sexualized in the ff community that i just don’t feel comfortable with them calling me that for platonic/respectful reasons. but i digress. if i can tell the author has done research and it is written well and correctly and in a non-sexualized manner, then i don’t have a problem with it. still wouldn’t read though 😭😭)

idol au’s. (also controversial. but this is mainly my fault LMAO. once upon a time, long ago, little chana first stumbled upon bangtan and decided she wanted to venture into the fanfiction world for them. her first fanfiction was a jungkook idol au. and now she will probably never write another idol au again because she is scarred. but seriously. idol au’s make me want to cry inside because 1. they’re unrealistic 2. the writers usually do little to no research on korea/the music industry 3. personal (humiliating) history 😔which again, is totally on me. i feel like this pet peeve of mine is unjustifiable tho lmao. a lot of people adore idol au’s. but i just can’t get into them)

adding photos in the middle of the story. (this just boils my blood for no reason i’m sorry 😭😭to me, it seems unprofessional. BOOKS may have illustrations. but only if the illustrations are showing a SCENE that the writing describes. not necessarily an outfit. usually, when internet authors put photos in their stories, it’s to show the ootd/makeup/hairstyle/what y/n is supposed to look like. i’m personally not into that. i think that should all be up to the reader’s imagination! that’s why we read, isn’t it? to be able to create our own faces and scene layouts from scratch!)

social media au’s. (VERY controversial. and kinda ironic since i’ve actually made a whole ass text fic. but lemme tell you it was not fun and i will never do it again 😭i don’t know. i’m not very big on social media lol. and a possible romance developing from such unauthentic apps like instagram, twitter, snapchat doesn’t sit right with me. i’m more into traditional/authentic romance! the kind where you sit down face to face and talk and giggle for hours—without the presence of devices)

a bad ending. (man this one’s a very personal pet peeve of mine. imagine slaving away reading a 100k+ fic just to find out the ending is abrupt, the strings are left untied and your favorite character just... dies. for no reason at all. i hate that feeling of no closure. a bad ending doesn’t necessarily mean a SAD one. i prefer sad/angsty endings to a happily ever after. but i think the ending makes up the whole story. and to have a good ending, the ending must somehow still connect to the rest of the story.)

character inconsistencies. (i love character development as much as the dude next door but just because a character does a 180 out of nowhere doesn’t mean they actually developed at all. real people take time to change!!)

when there are author’s notes IN THE MIDDLE of the story. (believe it or not, i’ve seen this happen. it interrupts the flow of the plot and it looks unprofessional. and the fact that i used to do this when i first started writing ff’s bYE—)

when the romance escalates from 0 to 100. (i’m guilty of this. but it’s also a pet peeve of mine to read something like this LOL. but i get it. writing subtle developments in romance is hard 😭😭but it doesn’t excuse itself from being one of my major pet peeves 😀😀)

when mental illness, domestic abuse, trauma is romanticized. (this is a given, i think. don’t romanticize someone else’s struggles for your fictional pleasure, please!!)

telling instead of showing. (probably one of the biggest pet peeves of mine. too often, i see writers outright telling me that their oc is ‘independent’ and ‘strong’ or that oc and jimin’s romance is ‘unparalleled.’ but if i don’t feel that from the writing itself, i’m not going to be able to believe it. but if you show me that oc is independent and that oc and jimin are meant to be with little scenarios and anecdotes, that’s gonna be a lot more effective!)

when’s there’s no chemistry between the couple. (this is probably everyone’s pet peeve LMAO)

the “oh no! there’s only one bed!” trope. (i never understood this because. damn just take the couch or sleep on the floor. OR just sleep in the same bed with a pillow barrier. it’s literally not a big deal 😭unless 👀 idk this one 100% depends on execution)

and i saved the worst for last:

when you read 50+ chapters for an ‘ongoing’ fic but when you get to the ‘end’... you realize it’s been discontinued since 2017 😀😀😀(the pain is fucking real y’all)

um.... that was a lot 😭😭i’m sorry. i actually thought i’d be a lot pickier, but i guess i’m actually really lenient on types of tropes and au’s. i’m okay with basically 99.9% of all tropes (yes, including vampire, abo, love triangle, etc) because i believe all tropes depend solely on EXECUTION. so generally, i keep an open mind. (with the exception of fake dating, idol au’s, social media au’s and the tHeRe’S oNlY oNe bEd trope lmaoo) 

basically, i’m quick to give things a chance but quick to leave too 😔😔

i swear i have more penchants than pet peeves 😭😭but that’s a story for another time!!

[onereallygoodlambonastick]

1, 2, 7, 8, 9 and 10 please

finally some good fucking food, thanks anon;

1. What themes would you like to write about that you feel don’t get explored very often?

Generally speaking, I think the in-betweens, the casual time-skips, and the quick intermissions are the things that get glossed over the most. The “missing scenes”, if you will--the hours after a squabble between a team, the morning before the battle, the months where a child sat idle, the dreams that turned into prophecy. 

I also think the theme of re-connection is not often explored--its always “love on first sight” kind of deal, but what about the enduring kind of love, the kind that stays like an ache in your bones? the one you remember and miss? the one you long for like a phantom limb?

2. What are some common elements of stories you are tired of seeing? What would you avoid writing about? 

This varies wildly between fandoms, but probably the thing they all have in common is: mindless smut. Just straight up down and dirty fucking, with no motive or prompting or characterization. Just the author smashing two guys (usually) at the hips and being done with it. 

That’s fine; we all love to see it. It’s just so dull sometimes. 

I need some intricacy, some intimacy, some ache, some angst, some destructive lines and some ruthless gut-punches, you know? Not a guy coming for the fifth time. 

For the AFTG fandom: I’m tired of seeing people being fine with the way Sakavic treated her characters and coddling Neil & Andrew in the face of it. I don’t hate Andreil, I feel like I should say, but so much of it relies on one or the other sticking people with their knives or fists and that’s such a toxic love, a misconception of what a “good” relationship should be. Now, there are some brilliant fics I’ve read that are just gorgeous with the concept of Andreil--that was what I wished Sakavic had the ability to achieve in her series, while giving dignity to Kevin Day and the rest of the characters that were there and LIVED despite the romance. 

So, obviously, I would avoid doing any of the above I just mentioned, and pray that you will too. Just let these ppl breathe, alright?

For the AoT fandom (yeah i dabbled cuz the manga is just. depressing man): same issue---too much fucking, not enough talking and emoting. Why are there so many goddamned high school AUs? My god. I need a fic that gets down and dirty with the shit going down in the manga and take me through it so I can stand to continue. What about the grief and mourning and the betrayal of it all? Can I get me some of that? Lord, don’t go near the Levi/Eren tag. Y’all just don’t even knock it. Go to Levi/Erwin or something. Or just don’t. Don’t.

For the BNHA fandom (lol. a staple): actually, there’s quite a bit of diversity here so I geniunely can’t complain about much. The sheer magnitude of the English-speaking fandom helps on that end, I suppose. I do think there should be more fics looking at the Shit n Grit of Hero’s society tho, Stain-style. The people the heroes couldn’t save or didn’t want to, the forgotten bodies and the cooling hands, the victims that never got closure, the heroes who got maimed and multilated and couldn’t get back on their feet once the limelight left em. Those sorts of things. I think the fact we see thru the rosy-eyed worldviews of a bunch of green-eared kids deludes people to the fact that People Are Fucking Bad and Disgusting almost all the time. So exploring that, I think, is far more worthwhile. 

But I will also take injury aftermath. I’m not a monster.

For the KNY fandom: EYYY we talk about grief and suffering a lot which if you haven’t noticed, is kind of my Jam! Actually, this fandom prob hits a lot of my sweet spots: role reversals, grief/mourning aftermath, SabiGiyuu, Sabito Lives, the usual! Can’t really say much abt this. Except, there’s a lot of Demon Sex and Rape and, uh. Guys? Can we go back for a hot sec?

For the Code Geass fandom (*rubs hands in glee*): SO this is the fandom I’m most active in aside from AFTG at this precise moment. It’s pretty dead, tbh. My favorite two fics in the AO3 archive was published in 2014 and the author hasn’t written for my fav pairing (Suzaku/Lelouch) since. So. There’s that. There’s also a lot of fucking here! And gross cishet dynamics, but, uh, whatever. I think the Emperor Lelouch/Knight of Zero Suzaku has been overused and abused for rough sex and just general Angst-ing it out. I wanna see how their dynamic plays out like that for sure, but what about when they still had secrets between them a mile wide and had to tell each other half-lies and half-truths? How about them coping with the fact of their betrayals and the death of their loved ones at the hands of each other? Where’s the hardcore shit? 

Think this fandom doesn’t want to dig their fingers in too deep. Shame. 

Another thing: CC is not an immortal seductress. My god give her pizza and some fucking DEPTH. She’s a walking encyclopedia, not some mysterious slut machine! Get your stereotypes and fetishes outta here!

Final thing: TALK ABOUT THE SHIT SUZAKU HAS BEEN THROUGH! He’s not just Lelouch’s boytoy or knight! Stop that! Examine his abuse, his time with the military, his span as a pawn! Look at his motivations and his internalized disgust for himself as a Japanese that was ingrained in him by an oppressive fucking system! Why does he bow? Why is he silent? Speak for him!

7. Favorite description in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

Suzaku watched him watch the discoloring, and Suzaku watched the stillness change into the bare bones of animosity. It was almost kind, the way Lelouch turned his face away and shifted his grip to snatch up the antiseptic.

Neither of them spoke as sharp hands dabbed at the slightly split skin and wet bruising. It stung, but only a little. Long minutes passed like this, Lelouch exchanging swabs for cloths, Suzaku sitting still and watching him work.

Neither of them mentioned the scatter of old deadened skin, puckered across Suzaku’s build like a migration of mutilated fish.

8. Favorite dialogue in your wip? (If asked more than once, respond with a new piece each time)

"You know I can't be seen with you two."

"And I just warned you to not be a coward." Lelouch's eyes gleamed. Again, the challenge was there, and like a fool only Lellouch could make of him, Suzaku took it, open-mouthed and open-palmed.

"Fine," Suzaku said, not knowing what he'd promised himself to: a dinner or a duel. Even though the last time Lelouch picked up a sword it was wooden and he was tiny and cute and clumsy. But Lelouch didn’t need blades to cut. "I'll be there. Does Nunnally still enjoy a good scone?"

"Bring the blueberry ones," Lelouch said, extending the comment like a plank between them, and leapt off the wall, into the white sun. "One for the bastardly son and one for the disowned daughter."

Suzaku followed him out into the blaze of heat, feeling the crude perch of his laughter at the base of his throat. He was so fucking dramatic. "Which one of us do you mean?"

9. What scene was the hardest to write for you and why?

From the same wip fic from above--I’m stuck on the “light” kind-of crackish scene where Suzaku is literally just exasperated with Rivalz and his porn mags. Like I just can’t write it. It’s too.....friendly. And “nice”.

10. What scene was the most fun to write for you and why?

Out of the same fic as above: probably the scene from #8. It was fun to see how coy and rough-mouthed Suzaku could get once he’s together with Lelouch. Just to see them fool around with each other whilst keeping secrets but also somehow be honest was very satisfying and interesting to write out. They are just boys, there. Just boys. In love.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

I.T. & Grace Monroe (Again) Chat

Thank you for such a great response! I can’t every imaging the suspense waiting a week for each episode! Lemme tell you the first season I was annoyed with tulip but understood when she was used to expose the trains true meaning /use. MT/Lake story was equally annoying but I appreciated how they used her brattiness to reenforce the methods of the train. What seems impossible to handle in real life becomes more palatable on the train...it brakes it down into bite sized pieces for the passengers to understand and consume. It’s a vr problem solving machine(who would want that). But the major flaw becomes visible to me, by the end of season 1, adults do not fair as well as kids. Amelia did not fair well, her mind was so fixed on the outcome she wanted, that she overlooked any lessons from the train. She forced a square peg into a round hole and her numbers started rising. When she ran into Grace as a child even though is seems like a brief interaction, Grace was already primed to become another Amelia. Her background of affluence, she knows exactly how adults change the world around them to their liking. She already knew the game to be played, so seeing someone with power and influence in that train car , save her, control the enviroment (like her parents would) and have the most numbers she knew what to do. I think she was there to learn not to live to please others, not to feel abandoned and powerless, that not all attention and power is good, that she can stand alone in safety. When she met Simon, she was right back to her old behaviors. What was sad is that by the last episode of that season you know that his real life situation was full of hate and abuse. Grace fell into her enabler and Simon thought he found a mirror. They trauma bonded. It looked like he even developed romantic feelings for her. Still every chance the train sent her to learn those lessons she literally did that opposite of what she wanted. She did what she and Simon agreed to do, Simon looked like he was the mastermind behind all of the Apex rules. I can imagine them trying to figure out how their gang would run with Simon saying something and Grace agreeing then adding to it. I bet Simon felt judged, inferior and misunderstood in real life, because he just could not adapt to seeing Grace form a bond with Hazel and Tuba. The fact that his numbers were decreasing along with Grace’s at one point due to him following her lead was a telling, he was there to learn to find and accept the similarities with the train’s life forms (sorry I forget what they called them) and to build a found family based on that. His attacks on Grace were so brutal, he went to the cat with intent to find something to make Grace fall back inline, to force her back into his ideal world. He rallied the Apex kids to turn against her. He couldn’t even accept the conductor, the ‘god’ of his reality when he met her he just wanted what all adults wanted on that train, to make his world his way. So many adults do this, it’s got to be the reason the train exists right? Catch them as kids, teach them how to find the solution to their problems and send them back into the real world to teach others. Like a gigantic roomba for mental health issues lol. I didn’t expect that Simon wouldn’t make it but there was no way he would have ever left that train on his own. Grace was his way off, and I think he knew that deep down. Makes you wander just how bad his life was, or if he just had an untreated psychosis. Grace’s relationship with Hazel and Tuba became stronger the moment she accepted what she wanted and not what was good for the gang. The years that passed and the numbers that accumulated were undone in a few weeks by that bond, and Simon was watching his world crumble right before his eyes. I really love watching interracial couples on screen, and it’s been great to see how they made Grace and Simon. BwWm (or any combo of black and white or biracial) relationships don’t all have to be racism struggle or forbidden love. It can be as unique as this, scared kids in a new environment. Love it!

You know, to be frank, I shipped this as a ship before it became a season. Whenever I saw them last time, I was like, “Well, they seem cute n’ cozy.” Then, of course, whenever they were revealed to be a hate group, I was like... Well... I hope we find out more because I definitely fucking feel a way about them now. I don’t have very good history with hate groups. My activism hasn’t allowed it, my hometown didn’t allow it - I just have too many bad experiences with hate groups and so since I was reading them as such, my main purpose of watching their season was to see how the train was going to help to change them.

I honestly was like, “Ship be damned,” by the time we got to 6-8 and was just hoping for maybe some friendship building and growth together as better humans. Like. I could care less about a ship on just about any given day (which is why even whenever “my ships” fall apart (and mine always involve Black girls, so that’s like a what 98% failure rate, just because creators never like to see Black girls or women happy anyway), I’m usually fine with it not taking place IF the girl is in a good place and/or there aren’t hella people around her all boo’d up while she’s the strong single. Shadowhunters, looking at y’all bitch ass with a hard side-eye. You as well, Glee. You as well, Battlestar Gallactica and True Blood... Y’all killed the bitches for really no reason. ANYWAYS, I was fine with them not being a ship if it meant growth...

I was shocked that he died, but I also didn’t feel as hurt as I would have had he not done EVERYTHING in his goddamn power to overthrow and murder this girl. Because, I had to repeatedly be like, “This dude is technically a goddamn child,” but then again, so is she. They never grew up in any healthy environment, and I ABSOLUTELY envision Apex creation and building exactly as you did. See, it’s something we got as older Black women looking at this story that the girls just be missing. The signs were so obvious to me that he was the muscle and she was the face, but a lot of people were extremely convinced that she had somehow strong armed this poor, innocent boy into her belief system, even though she literally was always the one with the soft voice.

They read this as manipulation a lot, and perhaps because I’ve been in situations where I knew, “If I don’t charm this person, it is gonna be a very bad day, indeed,” I just didn’t read her actions as harmful. I didn’t see her using her charms to get someone killed or anything dangerous. Only to cheer him up when he was moody, get him to go along with something that wasn’t bad for him at all, etc. So, I mean, whatever, if it’s manipulation, oh well. We do it on a daily basis in the real world whenever we try to let folk down gently as to not get shot on the side of the road, so I’m never jumping to any conclusion that any girl, especially not a Black girl is manipulating somebody without actual evidence, which, I saw none of. She was labeled as his motivation for being a villain from the moment she appeared, so the petty Black fangirl in me rejoiced that canon shot that all straight to hell, and then I received icing on the cake when she not only did not die, but got a redemption arc? YASSSSS BITCH. GIVE MAMA MY THANGS!

I’ve seen a few “fix it fics” and AU’s, but only reading a few of them. I didn’t need anything fixed. I’m just enjoying a little side content (as best as i can anyways. I generally check out if anybody feels like they about to rewrite to go ahead and try to make Grace look responsible for any of that boy’s shit. That fuels my wrath. Because, people really think that they only do shit like this theoretically with fiction, but you not gon’ make me believe that the same people who want to overlook Grace’s trauma, and the way that Simon intentionally harmed her, or downplay her guts to face him head on and try to speak to him about changing and being wrong and not even attack him? (Which, tbh could have been because it’s her instinctual response to protect and care for him, because she’s been doing it since they met and also, nobody is convincing me that he *changed* into this person. That person was always there and Grace had to manipulate his ass into staying docile), but to try to take away that aspect of the story, which is super important to escaping abuse, escaping cults, and building up self - I can’t commit to stories like that. Those are the same people I equate with the people that my ex was COMPLETELY right about whenever he told me that people were always gonna believe him over me because he’s white, smart, and nice. And if we’re being 100, they don’t have to be all three to get people rally behind them while they literally try to hurt and kill you.

So, I just appreciated that the story rallied around the right one and that they didn’t make any room for for blaming his target, although fans will lie and say that they did. That’s just the regular degular misogynoir coming out to play. After leaving a situation in real life with someone like this and having SO MANY GODDAMN PEOPLE try to tell me how the fuck I was wrong, I don’t have patience for that shit. Honestly, if a roach dog monster could have melted and disintegrated Josh, I’d have had a fucking party. And maybe Josh was emotionally and mentally stunted and still a boy dealing with trauma, so that’s where my gray area comes in. It’s like, it’s sad that he chose not to change, but also like, had he been real and did what he did, I definitely would say he should die and not feel bad about that. So, gross scene, but I haven’t a lot of sorrow about it, either. He didn’t give ME much room to feel that bad for him, personally.

Girl, I’ve talked more about Infinity Train on this blog than any other series. Lol. 

[millennial-ring]

Can we get more info on 5-7?

             5. Dear God

So this one is ANCIENT (2012!!!) and idk why it’s still in my WIPs folder because I do clean it out/reorganize it every few years or so (which is why that unfinished powershipping christmas fic wasn’t on the list, cause I moved it to a different folder). Sadly the title makes it seem more interesting than it actually is - it’s just a few paragraphs and nothing really happens at all. 

Russet eyes were glazed over as they watched the rain pelt the ground, each drop making tiny indents in the dirt, puffs of the still-dry earth floating up with each splash before settling down again, the process repeating over...and over... Rain drummed against the body of a beaten up jeep, the only prominent sound within miles, save to the sound of the rain falling in the grass, and the dirt, and the leather jacket Bakura wore. 

The man blinked as water ran down his face, following the curve of his brow and rolling over the crease of his eyelid, flowing into his eye. The water pooled between his lids, blurring his vision for a few moments until he blinked again, and the water was squeezed out to mingle with the rest on his face, like a single, solitary tear. He inhaled slowly, then let the breath out in a quick huff, turning away from the long stretch of dirt road in front of him. Behind him, another long chunk of drivable desert. He growled under his breath and began to pace, wet sand squishing under his boots, gravel shifting with each step. 

How could be trapped here, in the middle of fucking nowhere, with a flat fucking tire and no spare? 

It was inspired by this Avenged Sevenfold song and I vaguely remember that it was going to be thiefshipping, about the various trials Bakura goes through to get back to Malik after a fight or something but... 🤷

              6. Domestic Disturbance

This one is also super short, more fleshed out in my mind than on paper, and I started writing it after we had to call the cops on our neighbors because they were having a very loud and long argument (like, over an hour of yelling). Inspiration comes from the dumbest places with me, haha, but this is another one of those “why is this still in my wips” documents because I don’t have any intention of finishing it. After writing what I did I kinda had a “maybe these kinds of situations shouldn’t be your inspiration for fanfics, weirdo” moment and I scrapped it. But anyway! 

The story goes that Bakura was playing some Wii game, lost grip on the controller, and accidentally chucked it and broke a vase because he wasn’t wearing the wrist strap. Malik hears the crash and comes around the corner, lecturing him about “how many times have i told you i s2g bakura why are you like this” even as Bakura’s already beginning to clean up the mess. Bakura gruffly tells him to chill out because nothing important was broken anyway, just “that ugly ass vase” and he holds up a piece for Malik to see. The tension thickens immediately and Malik speaks with measured anger instead of the usual screaming, so Bakura knows He Fucked Up. “That was a gift from my sister.” Bakura panics a bit on the inside, but outside he scoffs and he’s all like “even better, tell her she has awful tastes” because ykno. He’s like that. Doesn’t wanna admit he fucked up, doesn’t wanna take responsibility or acknowledge he hurt Malik’s feelings. At this point I’d stopped writing it, but still have the basic outline. The regular bickering becomes a super intense all out screaming match about basically anything and everything, all the tiny little things they’d been burying for as long as they’d lived together finally coming out, start demanding why they ever thought this would work and they’re just about to get to that great crescendo where they're about to break up (”Well then maybe you shouldn’t have brought me back!” “At this point I’m inclined to agree!” Bakura’s shocked. “Well...then is this going where I think it’s going?” “I think it is.” “Then say it.” “...” “Say you want to break up!” “I...Bakura, I...” when someone knocks on the door. Heyo, it’s two cops, saying someone called in a domestic disturbance. Malik snaps that they’re fine, still pissed from the fight, but obviously like no Malik that’s not gonna help. So one officer brings Bakura out into the hall to question him and the other stays with Malik. Cop asks if they’re together, how long, what the fight was about, etc etc, and then if the fight had been physical at all. Bakura recoils in shock and practically screams “No!” “You never hit Malik?” “I would never!” “And Malik wouldn’t hit you?” There’s a few things there, bc I wasn’t sure how I wanted Bakura to respond; make an “only if he asked wink wonk” joke that the cop rolls his eyes at, or stammer that “i mean he’s smacked my head once or twice but it never hurt and i was being super annoying at the time and it was more like playful slapping” but either way the cop asks for a more direct answer or for Bakura to elaborate and Bakura gets pissed, says Malik would cut off his own hand before he hit Bakura because obviously. Cop seems taken aback but nods, and then lectures Bakura a bit about volume, tells him maybe one of them should pack a bag and stay with friends or family for a few days. Their partner comes out soon after and the two cops leave. Bakura goes back inside, where Malik is standing with his arms crossed, looking shaken with red rimmed eyes. They look at each other, feeling awkward, but then they make tea, sit down, and have a calmer “are we really like that?” conversation. they admit a lot of their fights are pointless and stupid and they’re just fighting to fight because it’s Their Thing and aha, aren’t we so cute and quirky, arguing is our foreplay - which it is, but they admit they’ve taken it too far, gotten too used to snapping at each other when something happens, and some of their issues (like Bakura disrespecting Malik’s siblings, and Malik’s control freak attitude) really need to be sat down and talked out, not screamed out. They apologize, foreheads pressed together, and Malik thumbs a tear from Bakura’s cheek. Bakura strokes his fingers through Malik’s hair. Malik makes a “well you know the best part about fighting, right?” and Bakura laughs, and then it ends.

               7. But he came back

So if y’all didn’t know I recently commissioned a(n amazing) fic from @/sitabethel (not properly tagging cause i don’t wanna bother them). In it, Bakura promises Malik he’ll come back after his final showdown with Atem, but ten years pass and Malik gets engaged to Seto. It’s corporate theifshipping and obviously I recommend reading it - but it’s based on an RP I did with a friend of mine years ago. In the RP, Bakura was pissed Malik hadn’t waited for him and does the whole “why did I even bother coming back I literally only came back to be with you?????” and Malik being like “Sorry? But you took a long fucking time and I had to do something to stop the loneliness.” We never finished it, but when we dropped it Bakura was starting to heal and move on and we had plans to end it powershipping and tendershipping - and Bakura catching the bouquet at the wedding and Ryou immediately being like >:) but anyway. The concept stuck with me and I really liked the idea of Bakura coming back to that situation and more so rolling with it - maybe a touch bitter at first, but hey, he’s nothing if not adaptable, and he absolutely invites himself into the relationship in the clunkiest way possible. 

“But he came back” was the start of my own attempt to write something with that kind of plot. When I write a fic, I start with a vague collection of ideas or scenes I want to write, and then when I have enough to work with, I begin organizing them into an outline. This doc is just a very small collection of ideas and dialogue, mixing some things taken from the RP and my own ideas. It’s mostly things like how Malik and Kaiba get to the marriage point, starting with an impromptu kinda tipsy make out session hidden away in the kitchen during a party Yugi’s throwing, and how they navigate each other’s trauma and fumble their way into a genuine romance despite everything. I’ve never managed to sit down and work it out into an outline of any kind, and the way I wanted to explore Malik and Bakura’s relationship before the show down, Malik and Kaiba’s relationship building afterwards, and then the relationship building with all three of them meant 30 chapters, at least (the original rp is over 2,500 pages and again, we had only just started with Bakura wanting to ask Ryou out and going to Malik for advice adjklj, when we dropped it) and well. yall know i’m bad at writing multi fic chapters