#fun fact cunt!! i actually have other friends and people who genuinely want me around meanwhile besides me all you have is friends who have

[our-lady-of-mcr]

yet again wondering when ill realize that certain people do not change and are always going to try to fuck me up ):

[sauntervaguelydown]

re: ask game, Pharma?

My little meow meow….

1. I love Pharma after he goes insane, I love his FLARE, I love his PANACHE, he is as the drag queens say serving cunt. There’s a marked difference in how he acts and talks before and after Going Insane, which really makes me think that landing in the snow without hands and having to crawl his way off the planet broke him worse than just the moral injury & stress from Tarn already had. But I LOVE insane characters who are gay and evil. It’s fun to think about who he was before MTMTE, but to be honest would we care if he didn’t become menacing and fabulous afterwards?

2. One thing I wish people understood about Pharma…. Well, so much about Pharma is up to interpretation, I don’t want to impose my headcanon on anyone. But I will say, there’s no indication he was ever a mean person before Delphi. We hear that he’s maybe a bit full of himself, maybe arrogant, but in the brief shots of him we see he seems like he’s genuine and invested in his patients, and to me the fact that he’s friends with Ratchet itself says a lot. Ratchet has pretty high standards. He would not be “inseparable” with someone who was actively cruel or villainous.

3. My headcanon about Pharma is that he experienced a lot of frame prejudice as a medic and a jet at the same time—I think he was probably younger than Ratchet, and so he might have come of age during the period of high Functionist control. I think when they took him to get evaluated for the census, the main thing that allowed him to stay a medic and not be downgraded to “freighting and fighting” was his extremely nimble Medic Hands. Whether this means “inbuilt with specialized tools” or just “extremely dexterous” is up for debate

4. Obviously I love seeing him around Ratchet because Ratchet makes him SO insane. But really he doesn’t interact with many other people on screen.

5. Maybe drift? Actually, I change my answer, seeing him BRIEFLY POSSESS an ancient war god is so funny, let’s have more of that. I want body sharing. I want Pharma acting like a ghost out of a millennium item and bitching at his host.

6. A headcanon… I think Tarn and Pharma probably never actually interacted face to face. I mean we all have fun with it in fanfic but let’s think about the logistics. It makes a lot more sense for Tarn to threaten him from outside the base, he’s not exactly an espionage agent. They probably did drops for the t cogs, like, in a gps marked patch of snow or something. We know tarn is perfectly capable of hurting someone verbally over a phone call. Or a recording. (This by the way makes no sense with how his power is explained but WHATEVER)

[allthingsarmin]

fratboy/stoner armin!! in love with how you write asshole! armin ❤

Thank you for your request! I feel I didn’t do a good job with this one, so I will probably go back later and rewrite it. (And I really appreciate your feedback <3 I hope this dose of asshole!armin will satisfy your needs haha)~

MINORS DNI! Ft. NSFW TOPICS (weed, one mention of vomit, and sex (groping, drunk noncon), mentions of religion, one mention of sexaul assault).

Fem!Reader, FemBodied!Reader

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who dresses like a gentleman - wearing white shorts and a white button-up collared shirt under a cerulean sweater that compliments his mesmerizing blue eyes as well as a dainty silver watch on his left wrist and always comes to class with a freshly shaven face and cologne that is just a little too “manly” for him - but acts like a complete hooligan, making inappropriate jokes in class, pranking innocent passersby on campus, and getting black-out drunk at frat parties every Friday night.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who looks so poised and has such a refined posture, having enough manners (like holding the door open) to swoon enough girls but is such a menace when it comes to anything serious… like being harshly shushed in the library because he was being too loud or skipping finals to go on a spontaneous road trip with his frat buddies then sending an email to his professor saying he was sick, even printing out a fake doctor’s note, or pranking the sorority across the street by TPing their house or even how he can’t seem to care less when the police ruthlessly question him because there have been so many reports of sexual assault done by his frat friends.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who thinks he is so smart because he’s a business major and genuinely believes he is better than everyone else because he gets out of class to go to all these events even though he is undoubtedly one of the most irresponsible and reckless people on campus… having unprotected sex with countless unfortunate women who have fallen for his false compliments, throwing parties that become too big for him to handle - so loud the police become involved, so messy with red cups littering the floor and vomit being found in every trashcan in the house - and failing nearly every class he’s in because “it’s too easy for me, my advisor put me in the wrong class, and the teacher is an old hag.”

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin whose backpack is filled with anything but college textbooks and notebooks, like a chewed pencil, three packs of condoms, some headphones, and an energy drink.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who swears he’s being a good boy when his rich parents who are on their abroad trip ask him how he’s doing over the phone but is actually spending most of his weekly allowance buying weed and smoking it with his frat buddies, who often gets into intense fights with them because he “knows he had two ounces left, but now he only has one,” and who shows up to class high the few times he does actually decide to go - eyes red, a constant small smirk, can’t stop rambling about useless things.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who walks together with his big group of frat friends, taking up large amounts of room on the sidewalk and in restaurants, cat-calling girls they think look fuckable and loudly mocking those who look prude.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who has a main Instagram where he looks so well-mannered, posting pictures with his family or his frat buddies when they go on a trip together but also has a secret Instagram where he posts thirst traps, follows barely clothed women, and stalks accounts of girls who go the same college as him, even DMing the men at your college to see if they have your nudes.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who knows how handsome he is, who knows how easy it is to make your knees weak and your heart flutter when he looks at you from across the campus soccer field with such intent, biting his lip, maliciously smiling because yet another girl has fallen for his seemingly innocent aura as you excitedly wave at him.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who revels in the fact that he can convince you to do anything. When he’s whining so pathetically in the driver’s seat and pressuring you to just hit the blunt one time while he locks you in his car that’s parked on the far end of the campus parking lot. And you, so submissive and selfless sitting in the passenger seat, not wanting to disappoint him because his frown harshly tugs at your heart, take a hit, choking on the fumes and heart pounding at the unfamiliarity as a warm buzz sets in.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who pressures you to skip class with him so that you both can go to the campus cafeteria and buy an unholy amount of cookies and chips because he’s high and he’s hungry… and now you know why his bedsheets at the frat house reek of weed and why his crusty floor is littered with food wrappers.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who so easily persuaded you to play those type of sexually suggestive games at the weekend frat party where everyone is drunk, breath seething with vodka, and sweatily rubbing up against each other, so horny for a release, and so desperate to feel something besides the headache from the loud music… who you somehow wind up in the closet with, his right arm holding you close against his body as his left hand slithers into your panties and forces itself into your cunt because he wanted you to play ‘seven minutes in heaven.’

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who promises that there’s nothing to be afraid of because he’s ‘secretly a sweetheart’ but calls you his “bitch” and pats his thigh, signaling that he wants you to come sit in his lap so that he can feel you up in front of his friends at the frat party when drinking cheap, shitty beer.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who swears he won’t bite but gets you so drunk at parties that you can’t even tell him no when he takes you upstairs, locks the door, and practically forces his hard, throbbing cock into you while holding you into a mating press, covering your mouth to suppress your cries as his tongue trails your jawline and neck.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who prays before every dinner, keeps a bible in the lowest drawer of his nightstand, and goes to church promptly at 10am every Sunday with his frat buddies despite being hungover. Sitting in the front pews, he listens intently to the preacher, letting the word of God spill into his heart even though he was rigorously fisting his cock the night before to your pictures on Instagram, cumming four times but his balls still swollen and cock still desperate for your messy cunt, having to hold back his needy whimpers each time his slender fingers brisk past his sensitive tip as he imagines your warm, wet tongue licking off the pre-cum.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who invites you to a Sunday lunch with his frat. Of course, he looks so polished: a clean, white button-up with a baby blue sweater hanging around his shoulders and a pair of new Sperrys. When you show him what you’re wearing, he tells you that you could do better as he convinces you to wear something a little low-cut but not too much because he doesn’t want his frat buddies to think he’s dating a slut.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin whose friends look at you like starving dogs when you both finally get to the restaurant, never including you in the conversation except for when they comment on your body and how irresistible it is.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who doesn’t defend you and instead soaks up all of this appraisal.

“Yeah, she’s a good toy to play with,” he proudly smiles while gripping your thigh in his strong, pale hands.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who makes you order a small salad and only allows you to drink water because “you need to watch your figure.”

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who’s the perfect predator, the perfect manipulator. He can do whatever he wants without ever getting caught, howling at the fact that you try to tell advisors or teachers how Armin violated and manipulated you, but they just never believe you. “You’re talking about Armin? Armin Arlert? He would never do anything like that,” they chuckle… because everyone knows Armin’s an angel; he’s part of the frat, so that makes him a good boy, right?

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who you can’t possibly ever escape from because he’s done such a good job at manipulating you to be his little slutty girlfriend, his heaven-like appearance making it impossible for others to believe what a devil he is, isolating you as he convinced all of your friends that you’re just some cock-hungry whore.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who has done such a good job at defiling you, successfully taking your virginity and eagerly pressuring you to do things for him, letting him so easily enter your sloppy cunt as he takes in the sight of your tender breasts, contorted face, and bright red hand imprints on your thighs.

ᵔᴥᵔ Fratboy!armin who despite all the manipulation and sexist comments, you don’t want to leave because he smells so sweet thanks to all the treats he eats; because his arm muscles look so good when he plays golf with his rude friends; because he makes your high from weed more fun as you two cuddle and talk about nonsense; because he is able to bury your shy side and awaken your submissive side as he slowly degrades the human being in you and raises a filthy slut whose pussy he makes so wet, so needy, and so pathetically sloppy.

[baecvlt]

First Love

Pairing: Sougami (Byakuya Togami x Kazuichi Soda)

Warnings: Smut (all wholesome tho bc they barely met in this one)

A/N: Decided to write this up for the bestie (komaedanovio on TikTok; follow them). Azul would die for them and there are 0 fics abt them sooo. Yeah.

“So you’re part of the Future Foundation, huh?”

Byakuya pushes his glasses back as they were falling off his nose, then turning around to see the person who spoke. “Uh, yes,” he answered the pink haired man behind him, he stuck out his hand that he’d covered with a handkerchief,“Byakuya Togami”. They shook hands.

“Name’s Kazuichi Soda”

“I know. The ‘Ultimate Mechanic’, is it not?”

“Yeah! You look really rich. Valentino Couture?”

“Yeah—,” Byakuya answered, then looked down at his suit,“How did you know?”. “My mom was somewhat a tailor. She’d help fix and sew up suits such as yours, so I obviously had to recognize Italian threads,” he explained,“Made sure I washed my hands before approaching you, can’t stain a fine suit like that”. Byakuya was somewhat impressed. No one has ever appreciated his attire, he looked like a snob to most people.

Then again, Kazuichi isn’t most people.

“She taught me to sew, never let me handle suits,” Kazuichi added,“But I’d always see them in the closet hung up nicely”. He had a warm smile on his face, reminiscing tends to bring a little joy to him. “I think that’s just honorable,” Byakuya said warmly. “You think so?”. Byakuya nodded, the smile on Kazuichi’s face spreading. “Thanks,” he mumbled, but spoke up,“We should keep in touch, y’know?”. Byakuya began to think. He wasn’t really one for friends, Kazuichi was extremely beneath him. On the other hand, he was interesting to talk to and didn’t seem like a pest, right?

“That’s fine”

“Alright! How about we meet up during the island celebration? Tonight?”

Byakuya nodded, he didn’t know why, but he nodded. “Cool! See you later, Togami”. Kazuichi ran off, going to see if he can help with cleanup someway. As he ran, Byakuya had just realized he agreed to hang out with someone who he had just met. There wasn’t anything wrong with that, but it was just weird to him. I guess, he just seemed nice enough. Whatever. Now that the Tragedy is over, it’d be nice to return things to normal. Byakuya was ready to make new partnerships and if his first besides his classmates was to be Kazuichi, so be it.

Later that evening, Byakuya made sure to attend. He got there early, making it easier to spot Kazuichi. He was around Gundham and Sonia, who had begun warming up to him. Their eyes locked, Byakuya waved. Kazuichi waved back as he called for him,“Togami! Wait up—”. He ran from his two classmates and to Byakuya. Everyone had gotten dressed up, Kazuichi in a nice little suit that complimented his hair. He had glasses on this time. “What a surprise!,” he cheered,“I thought you would’ve bailed!”. That was sad to say the least. “How could I do such a thing? I had to come anyway,” Byakuya explained,“Makoto can’t drive...he’s also in the Future Foundation”.

“So I’ve heard. Can I offer you a drink?”

“Why not?��

Byakuya was a pessimist, this we know. He was as pessimistic as they come. Hanging out with Kazuichi was something he told himself wouldn’t be worth his time, but he agreed, so he had to suck it up. To his surprise, hanging out with him wasn’t so bad. In fact, he’ll never admit it, but Byakuya actually enjoyed Kazuichi’s company. They went for a glass of punch, enjoyed the feast, danced with friends till dawn. Around 4am (because damn, this party was just never gonna end), they took it upon themselves to walk along the beach. As they walked, conversations took place. Byakuya went off on a rant about his limousine life, riding in one everyday and how he feared for his life when doing so. His limo made a sound that sounded as if it were going to fall apart any time soon.

“It was a scratching noise against the asphalt and absolutely terrorized me as a child. To this day, I won’t enter a limousine. I just can’t”

“Scratching? Gee, only thing that comes to mind is the exhaust coming down. Wish I could’ve seen it and told you for sure”

“I still have it in a hidden garage. It’s that valuable”

“Oh, nice! Maybe, I can stop by and see what’s wrong. You’ll have to drive it though”

Byakuya raised a brow. “You’re the mechanic, are you not?,” he asked. Kazuichi laughed nervously, nodding. “See, thing is...I get terribly carsick”. Well, that was new. It was confusing to Byakuya, just as the confusion hit, Kazuichi added:

“Isn’t that funny? The rich guy who’s scared of limos and the mechanic with carsickness”

Byakuya snickered,“Yeah, I guess that’s unheard of”.

They laughed, finding a perfect place to sit down. It was late. Dark and late, the sand was cool against their hands. They took off their shoes, setting them aside. The waves crashes on the shore, “So, what next?,” Kazuichi asked. His voice was softer, Byakuya took notice. “What do you mean?,” he asked. Kazuichi pushed back his hair and shrugged. “I mean, now that we’re all free”. Byakuya took time to give a proper answer, he had a plan.

“Well, for starters, after we finish cleanup, do the very best to rebuild homes. Slowly as we become civilized again, I rebuild the Togami Conglomerate. It’s what my family would’ve wanted and for them, I’d do just about anything” “Wow” “And yourself?”

Kazuichi smiled, facing him. “I’ve been working on blueprints here and there to, get this, introduce new transportation for us all!”. Byakuya shrugged. “You haven’t heard the best part, though,” he added,“You’ll never guess what it is!”.

“Flying car?

“That sounds awesome— No! That’s not it at all!”

“What is it?”

Kazuichi bit back his smile and answered,“A monorail! One that goes super fast! I just know it’s possible! Average monorail? 70 miles per hour, but if I get it right, It could go 200 miles per hour...ore more!”. Now, Byakuya was smiling. “Impressive,” he responded,“It’d be very convenient for people to get around”.

“I’m glad you think so”

Kazuichi faced the ocean, sighing deeply. “I’ve just always wanted to build transportation, really fast ones,” he said,“My old man doubted me, though. He didn’t think it was realistic. He said cars I can do, but never anything past that. Something about cars is all the family knows, I dunno”.

“I think you can do it”

“You’re just saying things—”

“No, I know you can. You have something other geniuses lack. You have the heart. Where there’s heart, there is will”

“That means a lot coming from you”

“Why from me?”

Kazuichi explained that he knows about Byakuya’s family and they didn’t sound any easier, either. “We didn’t have good upbringings,” he said,“But you, you had it so hard. Yet, you overcame all of that shit. If you survived that and all of this, I know you can rebuild your conga line”

“Conglomerate?”

“Yeah, that”

They smiled. “Man to man,” Kazuichi added,“Is settling down in that plan?”. Byakuya hadn’t thought of that at all. Would he even want to settle down? Jesus. That was the last thing he expected to think about. “I’m going to be completely honest with you,” Byakuya answered,“I have no idea. That isn’t something that’s come to mind. While I’d like to have someone to continue my legacy, I just don’t know. Tell me about your plan?”. Kazuichi was confused now, he didn’t think Byakuya was gonna return the question. “I would like to, but who’d love me?,” he muttered. He continued.

“I never had the best luck with women, but then sometimes, I sit and wonder,’Do I really feel this way about women?’ I try to be such a people pleaser, I sometimes don’t even know if I genuinely like something or if I say I do because that’s what’s expected of me and I’ve never told anyone else that, wow”

Byakuya sucked at being comforting, we also know this, but he really wanted to be there for Kazuichi. “I think I’m gay,” Kazuichi blurted, covering his mouth. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”. Byakuya shook his head,“First of all, congratulations”. Kazuichi couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Second of all, don’t apologize for being truthful to yourself,” he said,“I’m not exactly of heterosexual persuasion either”.

“Oh, thank god. I though I was going to be killed and thrown into the ocean”

“Nah, because who on this island is straight? Absolutely no one”

“You might be right...wow. I’m gay. I’m gay. I’m gaaaayyy”

Byakuya laughed,“Let it out, I guess”. “I’ve just never said that out loud! It feels so freeing!”. Kazuichi stood up and ran to the ocean. At the top of his lungs, he professed his attraction to men. He ran back, only for them to hear someone say. “You love who you love, man, more power to ya!”. They laughed at that moment, laughed so hard their stomach cramped. “Who even was that?,” Kazuichi sobbed.

“I think that might’ve been Yasuhiro”

“O-Oh, at least you know him”

They calmed down, enjoying their time on the sand. “This was fun,” Kazuichi mumbled. “I agree”. He scoot closer to Byakuya, who unknowingly wrapped his arm around his waist. He caressed his sides, softly. Kazuichi lay his head on Byakuya’s shoulder, which he didn’t mind. There was just something really comforting about this. “What’s most important to you in a relationship?,” Kazuichi asked. His voice was still soft, but unlike before, it wasn’t stern or blue. “For both of us to have ambition and goals set,” he answered,“What’s important to you?”.

“I just wanna trust someone. It’s hard for me to trust anyone, really. So as long as I can trust them and they’re kind, that’s all I want”

“Well, I’m a brutally honest cunt”

“I love brutally honest cunts”

He laughed as he continued to rub down his sides. As the saying goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Plus, tonight was going just great. “Look at me,” Byakuya said. “Hm?”. Kazuichi faced him, only to be grabbed and pulled to Byakuya’s lips. He gasped, a blush coming across his face as Byakuya kissed him ever so tenderly. They pulled away slowly. Kazuichi covered his face, Byakuya reaching for his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “No! Its okay!,” he blurted,“It was more than okay! I-I’ve just never kissed another dude before. Okay, I’ve never actually kissed anyone else”.

“Oh?”

“Well, I have, but not like this”

“I can tell. Your lips, they were so soft and inexperienced. Untouched, I’d say”

As Byakuya said this, he placed his thumb gently on Kazuichi’s lips, sliding it down soft and slowly; he shuddered before he spoke. “I want you to kiss me again,” he muttered against his sliding thumb. “Good”. Kazuichi’s breath hitched as Byakuya grabbed his jaw, gently kissed him. He kissed back now with more readiness, his hand digging into the sand. Byakuya’s hand moved from his jaw to his throat, gripping softly. A sweet moan escaped Kazuichi’s lips, making him bite Byakuya’s bottom lip. He winced, pulling away momentarily. “Sorry,” he whispered. Byakuya reassured him it was okay, but Kazuichi shook his head. “Let me kiss it better,” he cooed, pushing Togami on his back. Soda straddled him, pecking his lower lip.

Now, Byakuya was blushing.

“Ah, don’t hate me, but I kinda drew blood”

“You? Withdraw blood? With those teeth? Also unheard of”

“Hey! Shut up about my teeth”

“I like your teeth”

“I like you”

“Really? Prove yourself truthful”

“Say less”

“WHAT THE FUCK”

Soda quickly got off of Togami, who sat up just as fast. There stood Hiyoko, Mahiru, Ibuki, and Mikan. “Hey girls!,” Kazuichi waved,“Togami was just helping me find my glasses. We found them know, so there’s no need to worry”. “Oh don’t worry, we were just on our way to the cabins,” Mahiru explained. “What goes on in the cabins stays in the cabins! Wooho- ouch!”. Hiyoko acting as if she didn’t just nudge the fuck out of Ibuki. “Y-You know, if you two are going to, uhm, continue what you were d-doing here,” Mikan began to suggest,“Maybe you c-could go get a cabin too. The others are headed over here”. Kazuichi looked at Byakuya, who nodded. “Okay then! Let’s go!”.

So there they were, following the girls to the cabins. “I say we go to mine, just to be safe,” Kazuichi explained,“Besides, I got to clean up. It looks greats now”. Byakuya just nodded, he couldn’t utter a word. For some reason, his heart was pounding out of his chest. The girl’s split from them, giggling as they entered their room. “Home sweet home,” Kazuichi said as he opened the door. They stepped in, Kazuichi locking it. He had turned the lights on, but once he jumped on his bed, Byakuya turned them off. “Oh, you’re straight to the point, aren’t you?,” Kazuichi teased as he held his arms open for Byakuya to crawl in. He did just that, kissing him all over. He focused on his lips for about 30 seconds, before moving on to his neck, and finally he unbuttoned his shirt a little to kiss along his chest. Feeling his shirt unbutton, Kazuichi took it upon himself to do the same to Byakuya, except unbuttoning it all.

“Togami..

“Yeah?”

“Lay down”

“Alright”

Byakuya lay down as Kazuichi got between his legs, hands on his belt buckle. “Can I...?”. Byakuya nodded, giving Kazuichi permission to take it off. Carefully, he slid off his jeans and briefs, exposing his pale cock. At that point, it was quite obvious that Kazuichi had no idea as to what he was doing and supposed to do. He began by grabbing his cock, licking at his tip a little, stroking him. Byakuya snickered as Kazuichi’s eyes met his, but breathed deeply. He put his mouth over it, bobbing his head, accidentally hitting his throat. He gagged, but not loudly. Byakuya played with his hair, not yet grabbing it. “Take your time,” he comforted,“I want you to enjoy this as much as I am...Fuck~ you’re doing so well”.

Kazuichi was really, really struggling. He had to think back to the most realistic porno he’s ever seen. What were these people doing that he hasn’t? Try being sloppy maybe? Cursing himself for his lack of education in gay sex (well, actually, just sex in general), he worked with what he knew. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass himself. Little did he know, he was actually putting Byakuya on edge. Byakuya hardly cursed and when he did, it was for good reason. Like right now, Kazuichi was giving him the sloppiest head in that moment. He was doing so well, Byakuya became fixated his mouth. Something about his mouth drove him insane.

And then there was Kazuichi, still believing he was doing terrible. His thoughts were racing.

I know I’m doing something wrong...

Is he even enjoying it?

God, I’m so out of his league...

Maybe if I just spit...

What would my dad think of this? Wait, my dad’s dead—

Kazuichi allowed himself to drool all over his cock. Byakuya moaned, pushing his head back. “No more, I’m so close...,” he gasped,“I’d prefer to finish elsewhere...”. Kazuichi’s stomach sank. “O-Oh,” he stuttered,“Okay, I guess I’ll just lay down”. Byakuya got in between his legs now, removing his jeans amd boxers, examining him, realizing he’d look better completely nude. Kazuichi shivered, which he also took note of. “Let me pull a bedsheet over us,” he said,“You look cold”. “Thank you,” Kazuichi muttered as Byakuya fumbled for the covers.

“Better?”

“Still a little chilly”

“Okay, Uhm- how about now?”

Byakuya held Kazuichi with his arms wrapped around him, bare chests making contact. “Feels so nice,” he mumbled. Byakuya placed a kiss on his chest before warning him about prep.

“Please be gentle”

“I will be, just relax. Breathe”

Kazuichi was shaking at this point, he was so nervous and didn’t know why. Byakuya held him tightly, stopping himself from entering even a finger in the guy. “You’re shaking,” he noted,“Is everything okay?”. Kazuichi nodded, explaining,“This is my first time, I just want you to be gentle”. Byakuya helped him work on his breathing. He placed a warm hand on his chest, making sure his heart rate slows down. “There,” he whispered,“I’m gonna go slow”. Kazuichi nodded, bracing himself.

Prep wasn’t actually bad?

He took Byakuya’s first two fingers well, but then the third one made him whine (and cry a little). Nonetheless, he just wanted to get it over with. The pain had gone away once Byakuya had curled his fingers a few times. Kazuichi made small noises as he took his fingers, whining when pulled out. With his other hand, he cupped Kazuichi’s jaw, but slowly slit it down to his throat. Kazuichi gasped as he felt Byakuya’s grip tighten. “I’m going to ruin you ever so softly,” he whispered,“Understood?”.

“Yes...”

“Good”

Byakuya took his cock out, placing Kazuichi’s legs on his shoulders. Still tight, he groaned as he pushed in. “Ah! Fuck...”. Along with being filled by Byakuya’s cock, the grip on his throat remained, sending a wave of pleasure through him. Byakuya kept his thrusts slow, just like be promised. “I-Is this okay?,” Byakuya managed.

“Harder”

“I just started. D-Don’t you want to ease into it first”

“No, just— please. Also...”

Kazuichi moved his hand to Byakuya’s choking hand, pressing it down harder against him. “What you’re asking for could hurt you, um...Are you sure?,” Byakuya asked. Kazuichi nodded, fisting Byakuya’s hair and pulling him in for a heated kiss. In response, Byakuya only thrust harder into him. He knew he wouldn’t last long, seeing Kazuichi’s already fucked out face. Each thrust only made his blush deepen and his stomach acids find new ways to make him feel sick. Byakuya came to the realization that his cock already had the guy in shambles and in a trance, almost. He was making him feel good, but he knew that he wasn’t exactly fucking him the way he should be fucked, deserves to be fucked. He wasn’t hitting his sweet spot just right, Byakuya taking it upon himself to experiment with his thrusts.

“Ngh! Hey, why’d you stop doing that? It felt— Ah!”

Found it.

Byakuya tried thrusting with his cock in that angle, but realized it was harder in this position. “Ass up,” he sighed, slightly out of breath. Kazuichi didn’t hesitate whatsoever, immediately laying on his stomach with his ass in the air. Sure, he already felt weak in his knees, but that wouldn’t stop him from letting Byakuya do him the way he was about to.

It didn’t take long for Byakuya to rediscover this new spot, hitting it repeatedly. Kazuichi dug his face into the soft, white pillows; practically screaming as he was unraveling underneath Byakuya. His whines were perpetual and if you listened closely, you could hear exactly what he was saying in a quiet breath.

“Yesyesyes, oh! Please don’t stop now pleasepleaseplease I can’t take it anymore, Ah! I love you, I love you so much, I really love you, o-oh thank you..”

Byakuya smiled at his low, yet raspy words. I love you? “How cute,” he muttered, pulling his messy pink hair back. Kazuichi’s hand shook as he moved it too his leaking cock. “I’m close, Togami, please don’t stop”. Byakuya snickered,“I don’t plan on it”. Gently, he shoved his head back down onto the pillow, also nearing his high. Without warning, Byakuya came after a few thrusts. Feeling his warmth, Kazuichi came right after. He collapsed onto the mattress, head in the pillows and trying his very best to catch his breath. As he took deep breaths, Byakuya smiled as his fingers walked up the blushing boy’s back, tracing small circles and figure eights.

“You’re too kind”

“You deserve it,” Byakuya whispered, placing a hand on Kazuichi’s hip and kissing up and down his back (and to his neck). Kazuichi turned around, Byakuya getting to kiss his stomach a few times before being pulled up by Kazuichi. “Ah!”. He laughed as he held Byakuya tighter, nuzzling him. Byakuya may have been taller, but Kazuichi was definitely stronger.

“Gotcha”

Byakuya would be annoyed, but not when Kazuichi has the goofiest and most smug look on his face. Eventually he let him go, laying by him. Kazuichi’s hair was ruined by their little night Basically, he ended up with his tiny braid undone. Kazuichi twirled his excess hair in between his fingers. “Oh- Allow me,” Byakuya said, finding the rubber band used to fasten the hair, braiding. Kazuichi’s eyes stared at him lovingly, watching Byakuya put his glasses back on just to redo his braid. “Annnnnd...done”. Byakuya rubbed his chest before reaching for the the ground and picking up his briefs, putting them back on. He tossed Kazuichi his boxers.

“Thanks”

“Of course”

They lay next to each other, Kazuichi playing with Byakuya’s hair. “I’m so glad I met you,” Byakuya admitted. “Ditto”. Byakuya grabbed his chin, pulling him in for a slow, passionate kiss. Suddenly, the door creaked open, but two girls rush in, already fondling each other.

“Excited, aren’t you?”

“Why wouldn’t I be when you look so—”

Kazuichi and Byakuya stared at the two women, who awkwardly stared back.

“Togami?”

“Fukawa?...WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH NAEGI’S SISTER?”

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE MECHANIC?”

“I won’t say anything if you don’t”

“Sounds good to me! Come on, Komaru”

The girls ran out, thus allowing Kazuichi and Byakuya to finish their little makeout session. Eventually, it tired them out, sleeping in each other’s arms. Before sleep, Byakuya wondered something, but decided it could wait. The next morning, Kazuichi woke up first, planting a small kiss on Byakuya’s lips. As his eyes fluttered open, Kazuichi gasped. “My prince has finally awoken”.

“Silly”

“I know”

Byakuya kissed him properly, getting up to bathe. Upon entering the shower, he heard the door open. “Can I join?!”. Byakuya invited him in, closing the shower door. “Did you want something before we go?,” Byakuya asked, making Kazuichi blush. “Uh, no, um...did you?”. Byakuya shook his head.

“I just wanted to shower with you”

“I see. Help me with my hair, I’ll help you with yours”

Kazuichi nodded, grabbing the shampoo and lathering it into his hair. It didn’t take long to add in the conditioner in too since his hair was short. Now, Byakuya got to Kazuichi’s hair. He took care of Kazuichi, being less awkward about washing him up. It’s not that Kazuichi wasn’t into helping him, he was insecure about touching him. He wanted to do it right, sometimes doubting himself and what he was doing. Byakuya on the other hand, was confident in what he was doing as he massaged Kazuichi’s scalp whilst washing him. “Did you mean it?”.

“Mean what?”

“Last night while I was destroying you from the inside out—”

“Of course”

“—you said you loved me....well, did you mean it? I know people say things they don’t mean in a state of bliss, but-”

“Togami, I meant every word”

Byakuya’s heart skipped a beat as Kazuichi spoke. “If you mean it, tell me right now that you love me,” he ordered. “I love you, Togami. Do you love me?”. Byakuya held onto him, hugging him tightly. “Well, I guess this is my answer,” Kazuichi laughed,“Hey— Are you crying?”. Obviously crying, (because he was emotional for some reason) Byakuya backed away.

“Of course not! Me? Crying? No, never!”

“I love you”

“I love you too”

“Was this too fast?”

“What? You’re telling me you don’t believe in love at first sight?”

“I guess I do”

They finished up their shower and got dressed, heading out. Everyone had already met up at the dock. “Jesus, where the hell were you two?!,” Makoto asked, genuinely concerned. “Yeah, we were about to go search,” Hajime added. “I was helping Kazuichi pack something. I saw him struggle in his room with it,” Byakuya said, calmly. Kazuichi just went along with it. “Yeah, my tools wouldn’t pack well,” he explained,“Togami was just helping me stuff everything into my toolbox”. A low mutter was heard, but you’d have to be close enough to understand it.

“Yeah, right. That toolbox wasn’t the only thing Byakuya was stuffing...—”

“FUKAWA!”

“Alright! That does it for the headcount!,” Makoto announced,“Let’s get going. We have a rebuilt city to settle into!”. As everyone cheered on boarded the boat with their own individual classes, Byakuya rushed closer to Kazuichi. “Will I see you again?,” Kazuichi asked.

“Soon. May I kiss you goodbye, or would that be too much a cliche?”

“Yeah, but I love cliches. All the best movies have ‘em”

“So do I”

They kissed tenderly, Byakuya holding his waist. They pulled away, smiling. “See ya around,” Kazuichi mumbled. “Goodbye, Souda”.

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate “Mini Review” 1: About Male Abuse

Alex ze Pirate is in my opinion the WORST “comic” series Dobson has ever written up until this point (date for archives: June 2020). Sure, I agree with people that his “hot take” comics on Star Wars Fans, political issues and virtue signaling for the sake of making brownie points are worse overall cause they are uneducated propaganda that give insight in how much of a loathsome human being driven by spite he genuinely is, but Alex “offends” me as someone who enjoys fiction. It may not be the worst thing ever written, but it just does so many things wrong in terms of storywriting, storytelling, presentation and creating fictional characters, I can’t help but wonder what went wrong that Dobson even remotely thought this thing would be a “successful” comic series to establish him as a creator. Cause I can tell you, having read the likes of Don Rosa’s work on Disney, Hilda, Cleopatra in Space, Spirou, Asterix, One Piece (of which I will talk a lot in my next few posts) and many more, I can confirm by comparison that Dobson’s pirates as a published comic would have only one use on the public shelves: alternative for toilet paper during the COVID-19 epidemic

 Believe me, I would love to write an in depth analysis of everything wrong with Alex ze Pirate, from the lazy artwork up to even the publication history of this trainwrack. But doing so would take a lot of time and there is one individual part of this I think deserve at least extra attention. Something that in my opinion embodies quite well a lot of things I consider wrong with this comic. So before I am going over Alex in its entirety (and believe me, the day will come) let me just talk within the next few posts about one certain aspect and story of the comic, that genuinely got me to loath this comic to the core: Sam the Cabin Boy and “his” own individual story Dobson drew in three parts around 2010.  

For starters, lets talk who Sam is: Sam is one of the main characters in the comic and actually the first person who joined Alex and Peggy in the initial pages of Legends, the “original” form of Alex ze Pirate.

See, back in 2004, Dobson released Alex ze Pirate in form of a single comic volume called “Legends” which features Alex trying to recruit a crew. The thing is around 78 pages thick and based on what I saw pretty terribly paced. For comparison: When Luffy in One Piece got his crew together, he spend multiple volumes and at least three minor story arcs to get Zoro, Nami, Sanji and Usopp to join him. All while also giving us good insight into the kind of people his new crewmates were (especially Sanji’s and Nami’s backstory got to me), defeating the likes of Buggy and Captain Black, meeting Dracula Mihawk and defeating one of the biggest bastards Eichiro Oda ever created in form of Arlong. What is the story how Sam joins the crew? An orphanage organizes an auction and sells kids off. Which I assume was even illegal in pirate times, so kudos for already showing us how despicable the world of Alex ze Pirate is to begin with and how much it deserves to be nuked in some sort of alien invasion.

 Sam also doesn’t really get anything to do when he is introduced, just helping Alex escape on a small boat. Which is weird because he does not know her at all, she is just some stranger who bought him off and has no means to keep him in check, so why even bother following her and not let the mob get rid of Alex? 

Anyway, I wish I could tell more about Sam’s involvement in Legends, but I don’t have really more than some scans of it in the beginning and near the end. So I don’t know his involvement in the rest of the volume. I also can’t say how he plays out in volume two, because that does not exist at all. Cause for reasons I will never understand, Dobson just abandoned the idea of telling a “coherent” and ongoing story with Alex ze Pirate and instead went to his colored one page comics/strips with it, turning it into what some people called “Garfield with Pirates” (which I consider a genuine insult towards any newspaper comic out there, even something as Boondocks). And the first thing we see of Sam in “classic” Alex ze Pirate?

 The perverted dwarf of the crew showing of his shota underwear so that Alex and Sam stop bickering who is the cutest, leaving him embarrassed and humiliated.

 Which kinda sums up his role in the comic to a t. Cause this is what Sam is: He is the buttmonkey of the crew. And honestly, I would not have a total problem with Sam being a buttmonkey, if a) he wasn’t it all the time, b) he would actually do something to deserve any form of humiliation and c) if the other characters in this comic itself would not be some of the biggest assholes I have ever seen, who get away with abusing the poor lad.

 See, here is the problem: In a crew featuring a choleric homophobic soulless ginger

 A black rat person who wants to fuck the ginger even without her consent

 A furry abomination that has the same brain wavelengths as Chris Chan 

And a perverted dwarf who tries to impersonate Happosai from Ranma 1/2

 Sam is the only decent person in the entire crew. He works hard, he even questions the morality of his friends at times, he is honest, he is not perverted, almost good to the point of childish innocence and he has a very humble “goal” which is he wants to own his own piece of gold. Not even a big pile of treasure, just one single coin would be enough for him.

 So he is likeable and relatable. In fact, if anything goes by, he may have been one of the most popular ones in the comic. And yet he is the one who gets constantly abused by “fate” and his friends, because as Dobson would say it, he is supposed to be the buttmonkey. There is just one problem: People do not necessarily like buttmonkeys.

I can primarily speak only for myself here, but I hope what I have to say resonates with others too. See, I get it: A character who is the butt of a joke can be fun. Like Daffy in Duck Amuck. But there is a fine line where a character being humiliated for the sake of a joke is fun (and perhaps even deserved because of his own shortcomings or deeds/actions that make the humiliation sort of kharmic, like lets say Johnny Bravo) and a character being humiliated to the point it feels disproportional, unfunny and mean spirited if not outright sadistic, can be crossed. Take Meg Griffin from Family Guy for example whose only “purpose” for existing within the last 12+ years is to get shat on by her family and the writers. People have no idea for a plot with her, so what do they do? Have her father physically and emotionally abuse her, fart in her face for what is supposed to count as a joke and then add additional insult to it by acknowledging that they are only doing this, because they have no other idea for her and think abuse is fun. Let me just tell you from experience, it is not.

And that is essentially what Sam is: He is the Meg Griffin of Alex ze Pirate, used by his creator as the butt of very unfunny jokes, even if he does not deserve any of the things said or done to him. Want to see some examples?

 How about the description Dobson gives Sam within the introduction of one of his volumes, showing how little Dobson as the creator even cares for him.

Why is he called an unworthy “slob” if he is the only one who actually works? Shouldn’t a slob be someone like Dobson, who can’t even take care of himself anymore? Also the confirmation that he was kidnapped at the age of 16. And as we have no clarification how much time passed between Legends Vol. 1 and anything afterwards, that means that in a way Alex is a child abuser.

And now, here some examples by the rest of the cast. Like Uncle Peggy framing him for all sorts of his perverted actions and even trying to kill him for no apparent reason?

Alex trying to kill him with chicken pox…

…Destroying all his worldly posessions which is hilarious because he is a poor orphan…

…Essentially describing him as worthless because he was born with an Y-chromosome…

… doing the kind of thing Dobson claims women would never do to man, using their sex appeal to hurt them…

…forcing him to do some unnecessary and rather petty work for her in a physics defying manner (seriously, the way he holds the axe does not compute with how he swings it. Try it out yourself)

… stealing his food and just being a cruel sadistic cunt to him just because it is fun.

Which is “funny” in so far as that there are a few comics indicating she would jump his dick and ride it like a little pony if she could.

 By the way, Talus and Atea are not better. None of them calls Alex out on her bullshit on average, Atea uses Sam to trigger traps in one story arc…

And Talus, the closest to a “friend” he is supposed to have, once for no apparent reason made him dig through his litterbox

And don’t get me even started when the characters decide to gang up on Sam, to the point he gets sexually harassedor is called to be less worth as a human being than the dirt you find in your belly button

Fuck’s sake, even in fanart everyone gangs up on him, even the freaking big bad of the story everyone is supposed to hate or be afraid of

 Bottom line, Sam is an abuse victim played for laughs in this comics. And just to clarify, I do not think this was Dobson’s intention. But if the character is undeservingly the butt of jokes for the majority of over 120 strips, it turns nasty. The way Sam is treated, I just find disgusting and indictive of just how unlikable any other character in this comic is to the point I do not want to see this being turned into a proper “franchise”. And I assume others were disgusted by it too, cause Dobson eventually decided to make a story more or less addressing the treatment Sam receives, while also attempting to prove that deep down the assholes with starring roles in this trainwrack care for him. How did this play out? Well, I am going to talk about it, so likely not well. If you want to see the details, grab yourself some popcorn and take a toilet break before we tackle part 2 of this thing.

[medea10]

My Review of Rent-A-Girlfriend

How did I get into this anime? Let’s just say due to a few websites I frequent around decided to be little whore-ish, I became curious by this particular title. Let’s just say they were mentioning this one at least every other day prior to the premier. So out of natural curiosity and knowing nothing of what I’m getting into, I decided to add another Friday anime to my watch list. I guess Fridays are my busy day for watching anime!

Kazuya Kinoshita is a 20 year old college student. Life seems to be going well for him until his girlfriend decides to dump him.

Not even 30 seconds into this anime and this sad-sack gets dumped!

SERIOUSLY! 18 SECONDS! NEW FRIGGIN’ RECORD!!!

So after Kazuya gets dumped, he ends up on a website and before you know it, he’s made arrangements to go on a date with a rented girlfriend! Yes, these are very much a thing. You can go to a website and pay a woman to go on a date with you. Apparently, Japan has a lot of these services and it does get a little ewwie with it so I’m gonna move on with the synopsis.

The girl he ends up going out with is named Chizuru Ichinose. The first date seemed to be going well, but Kazuya felt off by this girl. He just thought Chizuru was just playing with her clients hearts, plus he’s still a little heart-broken from his previous girlfriend, so he gives her a bad review. So when they go on their second date, Chizuru’s cutesy, sweet act is replaced with someone who is tempermental and sassy.

Just then, Kazuya gets word his grandmother collapsed!

I know it’s weird in the synopsis, but just go with it!

With word of his grandmother in the hospital, Kazuya ends up taking Chizuru to the hospital with him. Turns out Kazuya’s family jumped to the obvious conclusion that this girl is his girlfriend and they went nuts. Mostly at the fact that their son actually got a cute girlfriend! Add another layer of WTF to this cake, Chizuru’s grandmother is in this exact, same hospital as Kazuya’s grandmother. And both ladies are over the moon that these two are dating (even though that’s far from the truth). Chizuru hasn’t even told her family that she’s working at Rent-a-Waifu! Well, let’s just break things off and let the family down easy.

Oh, look! They both go to the same university. Oh look! They’re also next door neighbors. I smell shenanigans!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: At this moment, the only one streaming this series is Crunchyroll. A few weeks into the premier, Crunchyroll started airing a dub. As for the sub, this is my first time really listening to the main lead’s seiyuu, Shun Horie. But the rest of the cast has a nice mixture of memorable voices like Aoi Yuuki, Rie Takahashi, Sora Amamiya, Gakuto Kajiwara…oh fuck!

DAMMIT ASTA, STOP HAUNTING MY EAR-DRUMS!

As for the dub, Crunchyroll is currently publishing an episode once a week. The dub is just okay in my opinion, really nothing to write home about. The only thing I can say is that Aleks Le did a fairly-decent job voicing Kazuya. After voicing Zenitsu last year, he’s got a knack for voicing wimpy twats. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

JAPANESE CAST: *Kazuya is played by Shun Horie

*Chizuru is played by Sora Amamiya (known for Toka on Tokyo Ghoul, Aqua on Konosuba, Miia on Monster Musume, Akame on Akame ga Kill, Elizabeth on Seven Deadly Sins, and Yachiyo on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Aoi Yuuki (known for Iris on Pokemon BW, Madoka on Madoka Magica, Kayo on ERASED, Yuuki on SAO II, Tatsumaki on One Punch Man, Tamaki on Fire Force, and Kinako on Inazuma Eleven GO)

*Ruka is played by Nao Touyama (known for Chitoge on Nisekoi, Koga on Bunny Girl Senpai, Nii on Blue Exorcist, Akira on Kono Oto Tomare, Momo onAi Tenchi Muyo

ENGLISH CAST: *Kazuya is played by Aleks Le (known for Zenitsu on Demon Slayer and Ake on Shield Hero)

*Chizuru is played by Lizzie Freeman (known for Cardinal on SAO: Alicization, Iwanaga on In/Spectre, Trish on Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Pt. 5, and Felicia on Magia Record)

*Mami is played by Laura Stahl (known for Ray on The Promised Neverland)

*Ruka is played by Sarah Williams (known for Sayaka on Madoka Magica, Felix on Re:Zero, Nonon on Kill la Kill, Mirai on Boruto, Lisbeth on SAO, and Puck on Berserk 2016)

DISLIKED CHARACTER: And now, a poem…

Roses are red Mami’s a cunt…

That’s the poem.

SHIPPING: I can honestly say I didn’t expect the Rent-a-Girlfriend and the Ex-Bitch to meet each other in the second episode. Even after going on a few dates with Chizuru, Kazuya still finds himself “beating his meat” to the thought of his ex, Mami. Only for the girls to beat your meat to change places just a few episodes later!

Oh yes, it’s that kind of series! Kazuya jacks off quite a bit.

Kazuya x Chizuru: At times it feels like Kazuya is really falling for Chizuru for who she really is and not the façade she puts up as a rental girlfriend. But I guess the number of awkward setups and situations these two have been thrown in throughout the series can do that to Kazuya. I mean, how else do you expect Kazuya jacking it off to Chizuru when he’s trying to think of his ex?! Yeah, he’s lied to his family, Chizuru’s grandmother, and all of his friends about this relationship and this relationship is as fake as a three-dollar bill. But there are a few genuine moments that show these two care for each other. Kazuya was ballsy enough to jump off a moving boat to save Chizuru when she fell overboard. And Kazuya felt concerned when Chizuru was thinking about leaving the rental girlfriend profession. Though that could be Kazuya being a pathetic sack of shit and wanting to continue this farce relationship and paying a girl for some attention! It’s so hard to say something kind about Kazuya wanting this relationship to work. But for what it’s worth, I like the farce ship better than the next thing I’m going to speak about.

Kazuya x Mami: I don’t like this bitch and I hate this ship. From the get-go you go in hating this succubus. And when we see her again in episode 2, bitches be bitches! Getting drunk in a public setting and making fun of Kazuya not being man enough for her (in the sexual sense). Then, we get Mami trying to go home with Kazuya when Chizuru is gone. But we don’t stop there, she’s trying at every opportunity to make Kazuya drop everything and fall in love with her again. She’s the one that dumped him, but can’t stand seeing Kazuya with anyone else (no matter the awkward circumstances). It’s clear that Mami has severe jealousy issues. I mean, Chizuru is prettier and nicer than Mami. Meanwhile, Mami is a manipulative scum-wad with the charm of a poisonous snake.

Kazuya x Ruka: Ruka was a rental girlfriend from a different agency and was on a double date with Kazuya, Chizuru, and Kazuya’s idiot friend that sounds like Asta. But due to several misunderstandings between Kazuya and Ruka, turns out Kazuya is the only man to get her heart rate up. So Ruka cuts ties with the idiot friend who hired her and has set sights on Kazuya. And she will fight for her man no matter what. She’s even ballsy enough to interrupt Kazuya’s family celebration of New Years by coming in like an asteroid to fuck things up. At this point in the series, Kazuya’s grandmother is dead-set on him marrying Chizuru. Any other girl is shit compared to her! But Ruka will continue to do her thing. Even applying to the same job that Kazuya works at!

Kazuya x Sumi! You expect me to say something about this? They had one bleeping date! And she’s barely seen outside of the opening and ending themes. If there’s more interactions in season two, holla back at me because this ain’t happening. Although, I’ll support the fuck out of this ship over Kazuya x Mami!

BIG SIMPIN’: So being an older millennial (or X-ennial as I’m currently classified under), I am not hip to the lingo of these youngins. Because of Kazuya, the internet uproared by calling him a phrase known as a “simp”. Well, I don’t want to seem like some out-of-touch boomer. So I’m just going to look up this “simp” term and see if this is legitimate. Let’s see what the Slang-tionary says.

“Simp is a slang insult for men who are seen as too attentive and submissive to women, especially out of a failed hope of winning some entitled sexual attention or activity from them.”

Okay. I think it’s time for the rap interlude of this review.

I don't know what you heard about him But a bitch will get every dollar out of him No cherry-poppin’ as you can see That he’s a motherfucking S-I-M-P

ENDING: Being a rental girlfriend isn’t something Chizuru wants to do, but this gives her practice in what she really wants to do, which is become an actor. And as of recently, Chizuru has been thinking about quitting the rental girlfriend agency. So what would happen if Chizuru quit being a rental girlfriend? That’s a question for another day and another season!

So only a few people have learned about Kazuya and Chizuru’s relationship being the most complicated farce in anime history. Halfway into the series with Ruka’s introduction, she caught on about Chizuru being a rental girlfriend. And because of that incident, Kazuya decided to come clean to his idiot friend, Shun. When Shun hired Ruka to be his rental girlfriend, dude was on top of the world. But when Ruka exposed what he did in front of Kazuya, Shun got severely depressed. Kazuya decides to pay for Chizuru to take Shun out on a date. That’s when Shun finds out that Kazuya hired Chizuru after Mami dumped him.

You know what? I have to spring this up! How long did you think Kazuya was going to hide the rental girlfriend thing to his friends? He’s friends with a bunch of stinkin’ virgins. Lonely, stinkin’ virgins! Plus, if Chizuru is rated #1 on a Google search for top rental girlfriends (as it was established in episode 10), I’m surprised no one else caught on, including the grandmothers. Kazuya’s grandmother is constantly playing on her smart phone. Shun is on the internet all the time. I’m surprised there isn’t an annoying pop-up ad in Japanese Google that would flash at them at any point saying, “Meet legal Japanese chicks in your area” redirecting them to the rental girlfriend website. Followed by giving you a gnarly computer virus!

Well, we’re 10 episodes in a 12 episode series. Why not finally introduce the fourth girl that we’ve been seeing in the opening and ending themes all season?! Chizuru asked Kazuya for a favor to go out with the new rental girlfriend at the agency to help boost her confidence. Enter, Sumi! The best way to describe this silent, moe-blob is a less busty version of Mikuru Asahina. Kazuya and Sumi’s date went over somewhat okay. Kazuya saved Sumi from a bunch of thugs. And while Sumi was silent throughout the entire date, she managed to squeak out a thank you at the end. So not a bad date, right?

Unfortunately, during the date, Mami saw them and trailed them. And it went down just as you would imagine! Mami confronts Kazuya, Kazuya comes up with some bullshit lie to Mami, Sumi is still silent, and Mami is up to no good after she leaves.

Because Mami learned Sumi’s full name, she went to the internet to find a profile or something on a social network. That’s when Mami learned that not only Sumi was a rental girlfriend, but Chizuru as well. It’s not so bad that Shun knows about Chizuru, but if Mami finds out, game over. Game over, Kazuya! So what happens next?

Mami catfished Chizuru by calling her out for a date using the rental girlfriend website! Then they go to the karaoke bar Kazuya works at for their “date”.

GAME OVER KAZUYA! GAME OVER! You lost all 5 lives. Please return to world 1 and may God have mercy on your simpin’ ass!

Kazuya watched their date from a distance (and this time he didn’t get caught eavesdropping like the last time he followed Chizuru). And after a cute mention of the singers to the opening and ending theme to the series, Mami and Chizuru end their date with an exchanging of words. All this proved is that Mami is still a jealous bitch with a dead look in her eyes and Chizuru likes Kazuya. We think! Either Chizuru meant what she said to Mami or she’s a really good actress. When Chizuru came back to the apartment complex, Kazuya met her outside and thanked her for what she said to Mami followed by a confession.

Ah yes, a confession of love! As the credits roll, we see flashbacks of the past 12 episodes and end the series on a cute note and a possible opening to an OVA and we can end from…

Oh wait, there’s more!

Kazuya says he wants Chizuru to continue being his rental girlfriend. Because he knows she’s planning on quitting the rental girlfriend business! So he smooths that over! Both played this off with a wary poker face, but behind closed doors, they are sweating bullets.

OH, and season two has been green-lit. Fabulous!

This anime was addicting to watch. I don’t know if it was as addicting as Uzaki-chan. Then again, I picked to watch Rent-a-Girlfriend over Uzaki-chan. But this was an addicting train-wreck! Watching this dumbass try to fool his family and friends that he really was able to get a cute girlfriend for a full year! How the hell could anyone fall for that mess? People still watched this dumpster fire of a relationship right, so why bitch about the stupidity of Simpy McSimperson over here? I am glad we’re getting a second season because we really didn’t get a chance to see much of Sumi. I know she’s no contender when you put her next to the great Chizuru, but good golly, give this girl some screentime aside from the one episode she got. They made her seem like she was going to be a big player in this anime, but only getting a bit role. I also want to see if Mami is going to redeem herself from the cunt we saw since 18 seconds into the series. I seriously doubt it, but it just gives me more reason to cuss at the computer, calling her every horrible name in the book. And as for Ruka…there’s nothing to say. She’s just gonna be second best no matter what the fuck happens.

As addicting as this anime was, I can’t ignore how many times I had to facepalm at every, stupid action done by Kazuya. I mean, several times per episode, butt-for-brains does something stupid that makes us say, “Dude, WTF” or “Bruh”. Lying to your family, lying to your friends, giving a bad review to your rental girlfriend for giving you great service, jacking it to your ex when you’re clearly hot for Chizuru, following a guy around because he spends the day with Chizuru, and it just goes on and on! You want to root for this twerp in hopes he gets the girl of his dreams in the end, but at the same time, you’re like, “This guy is a total dink.”

Oh, let’s see what season two has to offer…whenever that comes.

In the meantime, if you’d like to check out Rent-A-Girlfriend, Crunchyroll has all 12 episodes available in both sub and dub.

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[avengerscompound]

Just Friends

Just Friends: A Bucky Barnes Fanfic

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x  F!Reader

Word Count:  2235

Rating:  E

Warnings:  Smut (F|M, vaginal sex)

Synopsis:  After moving into the Avengers Compound Bucky has a lot of trouble fitting in. Until he forms a friendship with you.

Just Friends

When Bucky first moved into the compound, things were tense.  So much had happened, so many people had been badly hurt.  He kept to himself mostly, not wanting to impose himself on others.  It was only with Steve and Sam that you’d catch him with any of his walls down.  Where you’d see him smile or laugh or occasionally even be a wise ass.  As soon as he realized you were there he’d shut down again, often withdrawing from the room completely.

Slowly.  Very, very slowly, he started opening up to other people.  Smiling to Wanda when she entered the room.  Returning Natasha’s surly morning greetings.  It was you that he opened up to the fastest though.  You were new.  You weren’t at the airport.  You hadn’t been tainted by everything that happened.

You first noticed him relaxing around you when he was arguing with Sam about stacking the dishwasher.  You came into the room as Sam was telling him that he was a slob and it wasn’t the rest of the towers job to clean up after him.  Normally your mere presence would have made him just nod his head, pack the dishwasher and flee as quickly and quietly as he could.  This time he looked up at you and smiled.

“Cut me some slack.  They didn’t even have dishwashers when I grew up.”  Bucky complained.

Sam rolled his eyes dramatically.  “Don’t give me that, tin man.  I saw you playing Mario Kart for over an hour this morning.  If you can figure that out, you can figure out how to open a door and put a plate on a rack.”

“But there are all these rules about what is allowed in there…”  Bucky argued.

“Sorry, James.  I’m with Sam.  You can stack the dishwasher.”  You said, coming into the kitchen to grab a drink from the fridge.  Sam raised his fist as you walked past and you bumped it.

“Oh, now you’re ganging up on me too?”  Bucky groaned.

You pulled a bottle of juice from the fridge and unscrewed the cap, taking a drink.  “It’s nothing personal.  It’s just, I’m always the one that has to clean up after you animals.”

Sam burst out laughing and Bucky blushed.  “Sorry, doll.  I’ll do better.”

The next time you noticed you were alone in the common area marathoning 'Orange is the New Black' on Netflix.  It was well past midnight and he came out bleary-eyed and startled when he saw you.

“What are you doin’ up, doll.”  He said, sitting down beside you.

“I got caught up in this show. What about you?  Couldn’t sleep?”  You asked.

Bucky shook his head.  “Don’t sleep well.  Nightmares.”

You nodded your head.  “Right.  Of course, you do.  It’s a theme.”

“Yeah?  Who else?”  Bucky asked.

“Tony.  Tony gets them really bad.  Bruce.  He takes something now though because there were a couple of Hulk incidents.  Wanda too.  One time she projected and we all had her nightmare.  Natasha does but she won’t leave her room when it happens.  Clint has nightmares about clowns.  Quite regularly.  That’s why he’s always just drinking coffee.”  You stopped talking for a second and paused the show, cocking your head to the side.  “In fact… Clint?”

There was a rustle in the vents behind you and then Clint dropped to the ground.  “Don’t out me.”  He grumbled, coming and sitting on the other side of you.

“Sorry, man.  Just wanted James to see he wasn’t alone.”  You said.

“Bucky,”  Bucky said quietly.

You looked at him puzzled.  “Sorry, what?”

“My friends call me Bucky.”  He explained, not looking you in the eye.

“Okay, Bucky.”  You replied, touching his arm.  He flinched a little but didn’t move away.  You dropped your hand.  “Who else?”  You asked Clint.

“Uh… Rhodey does sometimes.  Only when the stress of Tony fucking up is getting to him though.”  Clint answered.

“Which is always.”  You joked.

“Which is always.”  Clint agreed.  “Sam sometimes.  Not a whole lot, but sometimes.  Steve too.  Steve a lot.  Doesn’t usually wake him up though, but you can hear him talking if …”  He stopped talking abruptly.

You started laughing and shoved Clint.  “If you spy on him in the vents.”

“Steve really has nightmares?”  Bucky asked.

“Oh yeah.  Pretty much every night.  They were way worse before you got back.”  Clint answered.  “I’d say the only two who don’t are Vision, who doesn’t actually sleep and this pretty little flower,”  Clint said, pinching your cheeks.

“You don’t?”  Bucky asked.

You shrugged.  “I mean, sure from time to time.  I get that one where your teeth all fall out, and there are way more teeth than is even humanly possible.  Generally not though  I haven’t been through as much as these guys.  I was just… good at what I do.  So I was recruited.  You know what dream I do get a lot?”

“What?”  Bucky asked, sounding genuinely interested.

“The one where you realize you’re naked.  Only dream me never really cares.  Must have nudist fantasies I don’t know about.”  You laughed.

Clint put his arm around your shoulder.  “Well, I can say on behalf of Bucky and me, if you wanted to get naked now, that would be quite alright.”

So it went; the more time passed, the more Bucky relaxed.  The more Bucky relaxed, the closer you became.  It wasn’t long until the two of you were almost inseparable.  He no longer flinched when you touched him.  In fact, he sought out that physical contact with you almost constantly.  He often held your hand or hugged you from behind if you were standing around.  If you were sitting he would rub your feet, or have his arm around you, or just simply snuggle up as close as he could.

You had fallen for him pretty hard, and you knew it was reciprocated.  Everyone knew it was reciprocated.  Only he wouldn’t let it go forward. Anytime you tried to bring it up he would just say ‘I can't’ and close up.

It was driving everyone else around you both crazy.  Steve kept apologizing on Bucky’s behalf.  You would reassure him you understood but he’d do it anyway.  Natasha would roll her eyes every time you were in the same room together.  Even Tony who still hadn’t really warmed up to Bucky being there yet would ask you if the two of you had finally fucked yet.

Three months it took until one day you were hanging out in your room watching ‘The Wizard of OZ’.  You spent a lot of time in either yours or his room.  When you were out in the common area people always felt the need to at best give you knowing looks and at worst flat out ask if you guys were a couple yet.  So you’d hide from them.  You lay with your head resting on his shoulder and he has his arm curled around you.

“I still like it.  Even after all this time.”  He said as the film ended.

“It still holds up.  I mean, I watched it when I was a kid and that was what?  50 or so years since it was made.”  You agreed looking up at him.

He laughed.  “Don’t remind me about how much older than you I am,  it’s depressing.”  He teased and poked you in the side.

You laughed and rolled over so you were now facing each other.  “I wouldn’t sweat it, old man.  You’re still looking really good.  What kind of moisturizer do you use?”

He started tickling you.  “Stop.  Making.  Fun. Of. Me.”  He said, as his fingers worked over your sides and you writhed around trying to escape his assault.

“Stop it!  Stop!”  You wheezed.  “I’m sorry!”

He stopped tickling you and you lay pressed against his chest looking into each other’s eyes.  He hesitantly leaned into you and you bridged the distance.  His lips touched on yours hesitantly and you kissed slowly and gently.  Very gradually it deepened.   Your tongue flicked over his top lip and his mouth opened.  His tongue met yours, circling it before dipping into your mouth.

It wasn’t long until his hands were under your shirt, cupping your breasts, and your fingers had slipped under the waistband of his pants.  Bucky pulled back suddenly and jumped out of the bed.  “Sorry.  I shouldn’t.   This… this is a mistake…”  He said, refusing to make eye contact with you as he paced the room.  His hands ran through his hair.

You climbed slowly out of bed and stepped in front of him, putting your hands on his shoulders.  “Bucky, stop.  Talk to me.  What’s going on?”

Bucky raised his eyes and looked into yours.  “I’m broken.  Can’t you see that?  I don’t even know how to relate to other people anymore.  You should be with someone like you.  Someone that doesn’t wake up every night in a cold sweat because he keeps revisiting all the people he murdered over and over again.”

You put your hands on his cheeks and look right into his blue/gray eyes.  “Bucky, you’ve been relating with me just fine for months now.”

“Yes but…”

“And don’t tell me who I deserve.  I want you.  Do you get that?”  You snapped, cutting him off.

“Yes, ma’am.”  He said softly.

“I am in love with your James Buchanan Barnes.”  You said firmly.

His lips crashed into yours and lifted you off the ground and climbed back onto the bed with you.  You scrambled to remove each other's clothes, yet were unwilling to actually break the kiss.  Which meant your pants were off before the shirt and there were several moments where you both struggled to figure out how to get them off until Bucky just tore them away.  The move made you moan into his mouth and you wrapped your legs around him, pulling his body flush against yours.

He rolled his hips into you as his hands ran over any part of you they could reach.  The contrast between warm rough skin and cold smooth steel made your body tingle and a shiver run up your spine.  When his fingers touched on your bare breasts your nipples hardened to sharp peaks almost instantly.

You rolled your hips against each other, his cock sliding up and down your folds.  The head of his cock pressed and released on your clit making that tingle grow, sending tendrils out through you and making you feel fuzzy.

Your cunt began to ache for him.  All you could think about was that thick cock of his penetrating you. You reached over and fumbled in your bedside table and just as your fingers closed on the box of condoms you’d been keeping there just in case the cold steel of his fingers touched on your clit and sent such an intense rush through you your body seized up and you cried out.

“Oh fuck, Bucky.  I need you.”  You pleaded.

“It’s okay, doll.”  He whispered, his lips ghosting at your throat.  He took the box of condoms and removed one.  He fumbled with the packed so you took it back of him, tearing it open and slowly rolling it down onto his cock.  He slid it up and down one more time and he was inside of you.  You groaned as he suddenly filled you.  His cock was thick and long and it stretched you out and filled you in a way no one had ever done before.

“Oh fuck, darlin’.  You feel so fuckin’ good.”  He groaned, looking down into your eyes.  “I don’t think I’ll last.  It’s been so long.”

“Rollover.”  You growled.

He licked his lips and took hold of your hips, rolling so you were straddling him.  You leaned in over him, running the tip of your tongue up his chest before kissing him again.  You took his hand and guided it over your body until it rested on your pubic mound.  He took the hint and started drawing tight circles over your clit with his thumb and you started to move.

You started by slowly rolling your hips.  With each forward roll, you clenched your pelvic floor.  You kept kissing him.  You sucked and bit at his lips until yours started to prickle and go numb from his stubble.  Heat swirled through you and you picked up your pace.  You started to ride him.  Moving up and down his cock.  Bracing your hands on his shoulders.  With the combined feeling of his cock moving inside you, and his thumb moving against your clit your own orgasm approached quickly.  You began to bounce, sweat beading on your body.  You were both moaning, your eyes were locked together.

“Oh god, doll.  I’m close.”  Bucky said, an edge of pleading to his voice.  You could feel the throb of his cock inside you.  The way he sounded, the sheer desperation made your cunt clench and your orgasm crashed down over you making every muscle in your body spasm.  Bucky was dragged along with you, he emptied inside of you, his cock pulsing.

You collapsed down onto him panting.  Bucky took a moment to slip from within you and toss the condom away.  “Hey, doll?”  He said, his voice still a little shaky.

“Yeah, Buck?”  You replied, pressing your lips into his shoulder.

“You wanna go steady?”  He asked.

You broke down into a fit of giggles.  “Yeah, Bucky.  I do.”

[kytcordell]

Why Do I Create?

Compulsion

I cannot stop creating.

In fact, I’ve tried--multiple times. There have been so many occasions on which the frustration and self-loathing associated with creative pursuits was psychologically crippling to the point where I did try and stop. But I never stopped inventing stories in my mind. I never stopped creating characters. I never stopped following artists I liked, basking in distant envy at the skills I believed I could never attain.

It has taken me a lifetime to really distill the true reason behind why I create. As much I would like to say that I’ve “always just loved drawing and expressing myself,” this simply wouldn’t be true nor an accurate representation of the relationship I have with art. At this point, I’m not sure if the word “passion” or “love” quite captures why I create. I would describe it more as a feverish need--a compulsion. I actually don’t even quite see myself as the “owner” of my works or ideas, but rather, as the vessel which serves them. Every ounce effort I put toward creative endeavors is a means of honing myself into a more suitable vehicle for delivering ideas into being.

For most of my life, I had an extremely pathological and maladaptive sense of self that resulted from nearly 26 years of physical and psychological abuse. It took me a long time to even recognize that what happened to me was in fact abuse. I used to shy away from the word because it seemed too self-pitying and dramatic. It still sometimes feels that way, despite the fact I objectively know that if anyone (let alone a parent) ever pulled a knife on me now, I would call the police without a second thought.

I won’t go too much into the details of what happened because it isn’t really worth delving into. But I was essentially raised as if I were an investment fund and not a person. My entire purpose was to be useful so my mother could stop having responsibilities of any kind. I was not raised with own personal well-being and future stability in mind. This meant that a non-lucrative career was unacceptable. My art was ever only appreciated in the context of bragging rights or winning awards. This of course, manifested in my relationship with creative pursuits.

Narcissism

My adolescent motivations for drawing were fueled mostly by pure, unadulterated narcissism.

I drew semi-seriously throughout high school. By that, I mean I quickly figured out what kinds of skills were considered impressive for that age group and did well at shows and competitions. I wanted to feel superior and adored at any cost, and while I embodied the external talking points of “being humble, always learning, etc.” deep down, I clung to the idea that I was better than everyone else. I couldn’t handle critique emotionally, despite acting receptive. I was completely consumed by the idea of being some kind of perfect, “talented” golden child.

I managed to get very good at copying photos and rendering, while neglecting all the skills that contribute to being able to design characters or draw from imagination. I didn’t really pursue art with any real level of personalized focus. I just liked feeling like I was better than people and knew more than the other kids. Honestly, every single aspect of my life revolved around this mentality.

I held onto the idea of “being good” as a trophy because that was the only mode of thought that my psyche could accept. It was easier to embrace narcissism and even just accept being a shallow social climber than to face the far more harrowing truth:

That I was afraid I’d never have the skills to manifest my ideas.

In fact, I talked myself into believing for ages that I didn’t care that much about my ideas. They would never amount to anything. And having self-indulgent, non-utilitarian attachments to my stories and OCs felt like a weakness. I needed to rationalize my own shortcomings with a guise of indifference.

Revererence

I stopped drawing for about seven years after high school. And even during high school, I didn’t do anything that remotely resembles the kind of ‘grind’ that I’ve put myself through the last 2.5 years. Frankly, I’m amazed I got as far as I did even with being a human copy machine that produced lifeless 1:1 images of candles. With each year I passed, I grew increasingly uncomfortable with the fact I always knew deep down--I just wasn’t that good. I mean, I was pretty good for a guy in high school. But my holistic sense of composition, invention, and execution was near non-existent. I went through a few attempts of returning to art, only to be so overwhelmed with my own incompetence that I would just go back to the “I don’t care that much about art” script I had gotten so good at conning myself into.

It was not until I had a complete mental breakdown due to my psychotic cunt of a mother threatening my safety and sanity that my long-con finally broke. I had a moment where I just accepted that I had no fundamentals, my skills were trash, and most of all--I was not okay with them being trash. From that point, I started desperately seeking out resources and practicing to improve. Receiving criticism (while I really appreciated it objectively) was psychologically devastating to me. Every single imperfection was a reminder of “lost time” and the years I had spent lying to myself.

It wasn’t until I discovered Loomis, Hampton, Draw-a-Box, Proko, and many other reputable art resources that I managed to start hitting the pavement and making the kind of gains I wanted. I drew sometimes for 12-16 hours a day even while I was homeless and living on a friend’s couch due to having to flee my home at the time.  Through all of this, I shed all my notions of “being talented” or needing to delude myself into feeling like I was good. No, I was dogshit and I needed to do something about. I think the biggest hurdle people face when trying to get good at anything is accepting that they are bad. You cannot improve until you fully and wholeheartedly accept that you have problems that need fixing.

I went from approaching things from a place of narcissism to a place of reverence. A lot of what instilled this change in me was observing people that I admire. Those that are highly competent (in any craft) tend to be realistic and humble about their shortcomings. The very process of attaining mastery forces you to realize that there is an infinite scale of improvement. This isn’t to say that people who are good can’t also get full of themselves. But at least among the individuals I gravitate towards, there is a general sense of reverence and genuine modesty. On the other hand, people who are mediocre frequently have very large egos. Unfortunately, there is a lot egotistical, irrational, whiny-bitch anti-progress behavior that is prevalent in art circles. I realized just how cancerous conceit and ego could be. It had destroyed my progress for years and I was watching complete hacks insist they were gods atop mount stupid. It was truly the Dunning-Krueger effect in action.

Many of the people I encountered in the art community early on were pretty mediocre and had a terrible sense of fundamentals. Again, this would be fine if they didn’t insist on acting like experts on the topic. (Plenty of people draw for fun and don’t care about being good and there is nothing wrong with purely pursuing something for leisure.) However, I unfortunately ran into quite a few extremely petty people had no idea of how to actually get good at anything, and were annoyed at the fact I had prioritized working on fundamentals. People that I engaged in good faith soon attempted to derail conversations and questions I had about technique and improvement. Crabs in a bucket bullshit, really.

Anyone knows me also knows that I have no tolerance for bullshit or “UwU bitches” making “it’s my style” excuses for being technically incompetent. (Which isn’t to say accuracy is always more important than style, but using “style” or “aesthetic” as an excuse for a lack of skill or competence is extremely common among mediocre artists). Likewise, I also encountered people who manifested narcissism in the opposite direction. The opposite of the “it’s muh style” camp were people who endlessly liked to talk about theoretical technical knowledge. Sometimes they were good at one skillset or another, but generally lack any kind of concept or actual artistic vision. It was like they had lost sight of expression goals in favor of shit talking and dropping advanced art vocabulary.

I realized that no amount of shit-talk, posturing, or external validation was going to make me good at art. I always knew that, but watching people descend into the abyss of self-sabotage just reminded me what was at stake. I would rather never “feel” like I was superior than run the risk of delusional overconfidence. Likewise, I broke out of the trap of thinking technical skill could somehow compensate for a lack of good ideas or artistic vision. Nothing matters more than the clarity of expression, and skill is but a conduit for said expression. I would rather feel eternally small and striving for a forlorn dream than run the risk of being 10 years down the road cranking out trashy, vapid content while thinking I’m some kind of omnipotent art god.

I draw because I cannot stop. It’s like being touched by fire that you cannot quell or erase. I work to improve because I want to depict my stories and characters with the finesse, nuance, and artistry that I admire in so many others. I truly feel there is no point in pursuing art seriously if you do not have a voice, a “vision” for why you create. Looking back, the motivation that kept me going through the hardest struggles was the desire to succeed in communicating my stories and concepts. I am but an acolyte eternally striving for even a brief glimpse of an ephemeral muse.

[mariamermaid]

Ghost

Billy Hargrove X female Reader

Summary:  Hawkins most popular bad boy and bad girl always had a special connection, and with the upcoming summer holidays things are about to change…

Words: 5k+

Warning: Swearing, Smoking, drinking

A/N: Inspired by Halsey´s Ghost

——————-

I’m searching for something that I can’t reach

 You remained seated on the motorcycle, the helmet waiting in front of you. The cigarette still hung loosely from the corners of your mouth, the red stains from lipstick fading with each puff you took. You hated Mr. Wesley for the fact that he had given you detention on the very last day before the summer holidays. He never liked you anyways.

But now it was finally over, even though the hours had stretched for what seemed eternity, the dread was finally over and nothing could stop you from the holidays.

But then you heard the howl of a car, approaching you from the side. You recognized the motor sound and didn´t even bother to take your eyes off the school building.

“What are you doing here, Y/l/n?”

“Billy”, you breathed exhausted. For several seconds you thought about giving him some snarky comment back, but you were too tired to put up with his bullshit.

“Wesley had given me detention.” You explained, finally tearing off your eyes the building to look at Billy, who was sitting in his blue Camaro. He was smoking as well, but you just finished yours and threw it away.

He huffed. “Detention? The old cunt Turner did the same with me.”

It was your turn to let out a rough laugh, then you eyed him again. He had been watching you in the meantime, just to avoid the eye contact now.

“There´s a party at Cathy´s today, you coming?” He then asked after a short silence.

Billy and you didn´t talk much, when you did, you mostly just threw comments at each other and argued. You both had a reputation to sell and especially after he had moved here, you had often battled for the titles. But after a few months, you had given in, deciding to share your territory with him. You barely actually talked to each other, it made sense you didn´t know much about him. But somehow you had gone from previous enemies to allies.

“Cathy that bitch? She´ll love to see me there!” You added with a grin. Billy nodded smiling as well.

“Right, didn´t you almost break her nose?”

“Didn´t she call you a fucking dick the other day after not wanting to go on a second date?”

You both laughed and you felt a certain weight being pulled of your shoulders. The sun didn´t stand that high anymore, the temperature dropping to a still warm but endurable level. There were no clouds, the sky was perfectly blue and birds chirped in the trees around the school.

“You got any plans for the holidays?” Billy shook his head.

“Nah, not really. Mostly starting to work as a lifeguard.” You huffed again, pulling the helmet finally closer to your body. “How fitting, you checking out girls all day and even getting paid for it.”

“Well, will you come by?”

“You wish, Hargrove. I´m not a pool person.”  He chuckled lowly, while you rolled your eyes.

“Don´t tell me you don´t have a nice bathing suit for that ass of yours.”

You shrugged innocently. “I don´t, prefer to go without one at all.” You watched Billy swallow; his eyes fixed on you. “But a public swimming bath is not the place for that.” You continued smiling devilish. Then you finally pushed down the sunglasses from your head, giving him one last glance.

“Especially not with you there.”

After you put on the helmet and started the bike, you took off but still heard how he screamed after you.

“You coming to the party or not?!”

You were already too far and the machine too loud, instead you showed him the middle finger, knowing well how he hated it when you provoked him. In the mirror you could see that Billy first licked his lips, then scratched his jaw, before leaving the parking lot as well.

I don’t like them innocent, I don’t want no face fresh

Want them wearing leather, begging, let me be your taste test

 You did indeed come to the party, which was already in full swing. You arrived late, not having planned to come any earlier. It was just past midnight and at least 90 percent of the people were already drunk. Luckily, the warm weather still lasted and the ripped shorts you wore were enough for the night. As always you were accompanied by your leather jacket, but you had left the bike at home. You already knew you would be drinking. Cathy stood in the front yard, flirting with a football player but when she caught an eye of you, she angrily approached.

“What are you…” You didn´t give her a chance of talking and instead, you took the cup in her hands. She almost flinched at your touch, that bloody nose of hers was a good warning.

“Heard there was a party”, you added simply and continued to walk through the garden where the most people had gathered. With a quick look into the house you saw that snacks and drinks were inside, and two couples heavily making out. In the backyard was a bonfire, a table where beer pong was played and two large speakers echoing with music.

Somebody almost ran into you, until you recognized the girl.

“Hey Nancy!” You greeted her, she smiled awkwardly, the boy holding her hand was Jonathan Byers.

“Already leaving?” You grinned and she further blushed. Nancy and you had known each other for ages, you had played together in kindergarten and when Steve was being a dick to her, you had her back. As much of a reputation you had, you never depended on images and when eyeing the two, you thought they were a cute couple.

“Yeah”, she stuttered and now Jonathan also blushed. You patted her shoulder, offering them a genuine smile. “Then have fun.”

You further chatted with various people in the crowd until the loud screams interrupted your current conversation. Together with your friend, Craig, you approached the newly formed group.

It was mostly boys, they all had gathered around one certain dirty blonde-haired boy, who just had finished jugging a beer keg. He didn´t drown the last slug and spitted it around. The group around him cheered and some even applauded; they acted like animals. While turning to shower his success Billy´s eyes landed on you, his dark orbs were dilated and hunger laid in the deep blue.

Just then you drowned your cup as well.

He grinned and strolled over to you. By his walk he was already full and when he patted Craig on the chest, you couldn´t help but roll your eyes.

“Craig, my dear friend, would you be a darling and give us some space.” Billy didn´t wait for him to protest and practically pushed him away. Craig watched you cautiously, but you shook your head, telling him that it was fine. Craig was one of the best baseball players in Hawkins and you knew he was working hard towards a scholarship, which was also why he neither drank or smoked.

Billy casually slipped his arm around your shoulder, he smelled like smoke, beer and his discernible perfume, he always wore. But you shook off his arm.

“Y/n, didn´t think you would come?”

“Didn´t want to be missing out on seeing you drunk idiot.”

He acted offended, until realizing that you weren´t drunk. He grabbed your arm again, this time harder to make sure you wouldn’t slip away again, but not in a hurting way. “C´mon we´re getting you something to drink.”

He lead you inside the house, on the couch was still the couple making out, the other one in the kitchen left at the side of Billy Hargrove, who gave them an annoyed glare.

He gave you another cup of cold punch and watched you take a sip.

“Oh, Y/n, I know you can do better.” You glared at him, a playful glare, then you drowned the cup. And another cup.

The next one you decided to take slower and Billy seemed to approve now, that he pulled you away again. You found yourself in the dark hallway, somehow already lost in the unknown house. In some inexplainable way, you didn´t mind though. Billy was still able to walk straight, well almost, but he spoke a little besotted.

“You didn´t tell me your plans for the summer, besides going skinny dipping without me, which is really a shame!”

You took out your cigarettes, knowing well that Cathy´s parents probably didn´t want to have smoking in the house. You offered him one as well, which he gladly took. While you packed them away again, Billy had pulled out his lighter and you leaned closer to catch the fire. You felt his eyes watching you closely, the small fire being one of the only light sources, your face getting illuminated.

When you looked up, you starred directly into his piercing eyes.

I like the sad eyes, bad guys, mouth full of white lies

Kiss me in the corridor, but quick to tell me goodbye

 Billy leaned closer and closer, his breathing bringing the flame out of rhythm. Luckily, you weren´t yet drunk, and you quickly yanked away. The sudden movement of yours created a small wisp of wind, which extinguished the flame. For a few seconds you only heard him breathing, you had leaned back at the wall until he moved to lean against the opposite wall as well. Then he used his lighter again for his own cigarette. His eyes only catching the light for seconds, sparkling.

“I got no plans.”

It was dark again, sometimes you saw the cigarette blaze when Billy took a puff. But you knew he was watching you, because so did you.

“No plans? No vacation with family?”

He didn´t see how you bit your lip, how you pressed your fingernails into your hand.

“No, my dad´s working abroad anyway.”

He immediately realized how you didn´t mention your mother, feeling sympathy, but not telling.

“So, you´re all alone all day long?”

“I got a cat.” He huffed.

“Maybe I should come and visit, we could have some fun.”

“You don´t even know, where I live.” It was true, Billy didn´t know where you lived, but he couldn´t admit that.

He wanted to ask you more, finding himself getting more and more interested in your personal life. He also felt surprisingly peaceful, he didn´t have to pretend around you.  

But your pleasant moment was again interrupted by someone.

Melissa Andrews, she sat next to you in Math and often helped you when you didn´t understand something, ran past you and stumbled into the bathroom to throw up.

You sighed and stubbed out the cigarette with your foot.

“Sorry, Bill.”

Then you joined her in the bathroom and closed the door behind you. You knew that it was better when nobody saw her in that state.

Melissa kneeled in front of the toilet, both of her hands grabbing the seat. You emptied your cup into the sink and filled it with water. Then you sat down at the rim of the bathtub, holding back Melissa´s hair. When she took a break to look up, you offered her the water.

“C´mon drink up, it´ll help I promise.”

She drowned the cup in one, then she faced the toilet again, bot not vomiting. You watched how her eyes lazily looked around, she must have felt pretty dizzy.

“Was…”, she tried, but it took a second try for her to finish the sentence.

“Was that Billy Hargrove with you in the hallway?”

You chuckled and filled the cup a second time.

“Yeah”, you answered nonchalantly, giving her the cup again. Melissa sipped, finally looking at you and not anymore the toilet, but still sitting on the bathroom floor. She started grinning.

“Oh, so the bad girl and bad boy are a thing now?” You shook your head, still smiling.

“Me and Billy? Hell no!”

She rolled her eyes. “Then why was he in here with you, talking, instead of outside with his boys or flirting with somebody?”

You knew she wasn´t wrong because her words made you think. It was your luck that Melissa had to throw up again and dropped the topic.

You waited for half an hour, until you were sure that Melissa was finished, at least for now. You then helped her stand up.

“Do you want me to get you home?” She nodded tired.

Her arm was linked with yours when you left the house and Craig quickly caught sight of you.

“Need help?”

You shook your head. “I think she´s fine for now, I´m going to walk her home, it´s only a few minutes.”

Melissa and you sometimes had studied together, you had been at her place a few times and it was not even five minutes away. When you reached the house, Melissa fumbled with the key until you unlocked the door. “Are your parents home?”, you asked whispering and she nodded.

You didn´t have to turn on the light, her room was the first door on the left and you managed to get her into bed and even take off her shoes. Then you quietly snuck out the house again, sighing relieved that her parents hadn´t noticed.

You wandered back to Cathy´s party, but the alcohol that had hit you previously,  had vanished again, as well as your party mood. You decided it was just the fact that you had spent half an hour in a bathroom, and it would come back again. Melissa´s words still spun in your head. Then why was he in there with you?

You shook your head and entered the backyard again, but when turning a corner, you saw Cathy pressed against the wall, her lips crashing against Billy´s.

You sighed and rolled your eyes; your good mood was now completely ruined. A bitter taste spread in your mouth and your stomach turned.

Leaving the party again and now final, you decided to walk back home. Why did it bother you so much that Billy and Cathy made out?

You say that you’re no good for me

‘Cause I’m always tugging at your sleeve

And I swear I hate you when you leave

But I like it anyway

 You didn´t know that Billy had seen you in the window´s reflection and immediately sprinted after you. He silently swore to himself, then he grabbed his car keys and drove away from the house party, only to find you two streets away. Again, you recognized the car engine and continued walking, while he pulled down his window.

“Need a ride home?”

“No.” It was a lie; your house was in the woods and it would take you at least 45 minutes to get there by foot.

“C´mon Y/n, you could show me where you live?”, he was leaning down so he could watch you from his seat.

“You shouldn´t be driving, you´re drunk, Hargrove.”

“I also shouldn´t let a lady walk home alone, in the dark in the middle of the night.”

“Yeah, you´re right. Somebody could kidnap me!”, you exclaimed, growing annoyed with him.

“For example, in a blue Camaro.” You added and Billy´s grin dropped. He quickly gathered himself again, ready for his next try, but you abruptly stopped walking, lowly growling.

“Leave me the fuck alone, Hargrove!” You screamed furiously, your fists clenching.

The motor stopped, in the background two houses turned on their lights, alarmed by the sudden screaming.

You shook your head, feeling how angry, hot tears started forming in your blurry eyes. You spun back around, not wanting to face Billy anymore longer. Then you quickly walked away, even though it took all your strength not to run.

 My ghost, where’d you go?

I can’t find you in the body sleeping next to me

My ghost, where’d you go?

What happened to the soul that you used to be?

 ***

A week later, you found yourself feeling way better.

On the way home you had smoked almost an entire pack of cigarettes, then you couldn´t fall asleep at three in the morning, had taken a shower, watched the sunrise, finally fell asleep and woke up hungover.

It was time to take care of yourself. 

You had almost completely stopped smoking and instead of going to any parties, you went to bed earlier. You had finished an entire book and were on your way to the second. Your house in the woods was right next to a small lake, surrounded by high firs. It was peaceful and quiet, exactly what you needed. You spent most of the time outside, either reading or swimming, while your cat often joined you. Your father wasn´t home as usually.

It had taken a few days to adjust and to forget that awful night that stuck to your memory like a disgusting piece of gum, but now you had almost forgotten about it.

So, while you sunbathed by the lake, you couldn´t anticipate what was happening in the very same time, not too far away from you.

With a loud thud and a following gray smoke escaping the hood of the blue Camaro, the car stopped.

Billy was stuck in the middle of nowhere, there wasn´t even an emergency phone nearby, and he couldn´t make out why the car had stopped. Annoyed he pushed back his locks and light another smoke. It was about then when he realized the gravel path leading into the woods. Maybe he could find a hut or even a house with a phone. He made his way through the forest until he reached a house. It took him by surprise, it wasn´t even a shack; it was an actual house. A good, expensive looking one, made out of light wood with a chimney and large windows.

He rang the bell, but nobody opened, he looked around, the garage was closed; what if nobody was home?

He still decided to take a closer look and walked around the building. The small, turquoise lake surprised him even further, but what surprised him the most, was the girl laying in the grass at the end of a gangplank.

You laid on your back, your cat, Maple, chilling on the dock, watching hopeful into the water for a fish. You wore sunglasses, the book next to you, you hadn´t heard the doorbell. Or Billy approaching.

“I see you do own some nice bathing suit.”

You jerked and sat up to find him staring at you from the small hill, where the house stood.

“Billy? Billy Hargrove?!” He chuckled and further approach, until he was only a few feet away. You suddenly felt a little exposed, you wore your favorite two-piece bathing suit, which actually looked really good, yet you felt uncomfortable.

“What are you doing here?”

“Believe it or not, it´s pure coincidence.”

“Oh really?”, you asked overly sarcastic. Behind your sunglasses he couldn´t see how your eyes twitched.

“My car broke down.”

“What if I don´t believe you?” He crossed his arms.

“Then go take a look on the road.” You sighed; your peaceful day was gone. Finally, you rose and walked to him, but his eyes not once left your face to check you out. You casually patted on his shoulder. “You can use our phone.”

He wanted to follow you into the house, but before Maple ran past him, hissed at him and then followed you as well.

“She doesn´t like strangers”, you added and entered the living room through the back door from the terrace. “Nice house you got.”

“As I said, my dad´s always working.” “So, we´re all alone out here?” You rolled your eyes.

“Phone is in the kitchen.”

While he walked to the large kitchen with marbled details and several plants, you took the stairs to your room and quickly put on a light dress. It wasn´t something you wore to school, let alone the fact that you couldn´t wear a flowy dress on the motorcycle.

When you came back to the kitchen, you could listen how Billy just ended the call.

“Yes, I´m waiting, what else should I do? See you then.” He hung up, seeming angrier than before, but then he looked at you and his face softened again.

“How long will it take?” “They say the earliest they can come is in an hour.” You both let out a sigh, until you walked to the fridge. “Ice tea?”

He nodded and sat down on the stool at the high counter top, watching how you poured two glasses. Your open hair softly swung with your movement and so did your dress. Then you put down the glasses and sat across him. He offered you a small smile.

“You look pretty.”

You raised your brow, taking a sip. “Do I?”

He blushed slightly, quickly glancing down to avoid your eyes.

“Yeah, you always do.”

“Oh my god, did Billy Hargrove just compliment me?”

He laughed, finally facing you again and you smiled as well.

“What about Cathy?” You then added, still grinning but the words visibly stung him, his lips pressed to thin line. “Oh wait, let me guess; it was only good for a night!” His smile had completely vanished and he clenched his jaw, trying not to turn a hair. He knew he would regret it…

“We just made out”, Billy mumbled. “No details? What about your bad boy reputation?” You asked, provokingly whispering to the end.

“What about your reputation? Leaving parties early, then not coming at all anymore?”

“Oh Billy, there´s a significant difference between you and me. You have the womanizer reputation, the guy that beats up the other one because he looked at him the wrong way. I have the image to not give shit about them, there are only a few people that actually matter to me and if somebody hurts them, I give them hell.”

“So, you´re saying I don´t care about anybody.”

“Oh no, you do, you just think it´s weak to show it.”

He bit his lip, his knuckles turning white while holding the glass. You were right, you almost always were.

You’re a Rolling Stone boy, never-sleep-alone boy

Got a million numbers and they’re filling up your phone, boy

I’m off the deep end, sleeping all night through the weekend

Saying that I love him but I know I’m gonna leave him

 “You care about your sister, Max”, you added while standing up again.

“I care about you.”

“No you don´t-“  “Yes, I do. I couldn´t sleep after that party, I didn´t know if you had come home, if you were safe… I called Melissa and Craig, even Nancy, but they hadn´t heard from you.”

You stood at the other end of the kitchen; your mouth slightly opened. After seconds had passed, you licked your dry lips, hoping it would help to get some words out.

“Sorry, I didn´t know you were so worried about me. But I had called Craig the other day…”

You watched his jaw clench again. “Yeah, he didn´t really want to talk to me, probably thinks I´m gonna steal you away.”

“Steal me? From who?”

“Oh, you know, Craig”, he eyed your confused expression. “You know he has a thing for you, right?”

It was your turn to avoid the glance. “No, I didn´t.”

“I mean he´s perfect for you, Hawkins best football player, king of the school, there´s nothing more a girl could wish for.”

“I don´t wish for him, I´m sorry to not feel the same way he does.”

After several minutes of silence, you cleared your throat, trying to push away the awkward mood.

“I´m going to wait outside.”

You placed yourself back on the blanket, Maple only a few feet away and always keeping a wary eye on Billy. Billy followed you as well, but remained standing, looking uncomfortable around, unsure what to do. You sighed and closed the book you just had opened again.

“You can sit down if you want to.”

He did as said, and you continued to read, well pretend to read your book.

“What are you reading?”

“Pride and Prejudice”

“Shouldn´t we read that next year in school?” You nodded.

“Yeah, but I had some free time and it´s actually not that bad.”

Billy gave a barely noticeable nod, then silence sat in again.

He was leaning forward, his arms on his knees, his blue eyes facing the lake. You realized how deep, dark circles that were drawn under his eyes; he looked like he hadn´t slept in a good while.

“You look tired.”

Billy turned to look slightly back at you, but then didn´t answer.

“If you want to, you can take a nap, I´ll wake you when they come.”

You glanced back into the book, but eventually he leaned back and lied down. In a matter of minutes he seemed to be asleep and you waited by his side.

 My ghost, where’d you go?

I can’t find you in the body sleeping next to me

My ghost, where’d you go?

What happened to the soul that you used to be?

20 minutes, 30, 40, 50…

Time passed and after the stated hour was over, you started to wonder when the breakdown service would arrive.

Billy continued to peacefully sleep, his nose sometimes flinched a little, but in a cute way. He had needed the sleep dearly; he woke up two hours later.

Surprised he sat up, he almost seemed shaken by bad dream.

“How long did I sleep?”

“Two hours, and seven minutes to be exact.”

“What?” He jumped up, ready to run into the next best direction, but stopped when realizing that he didn´t know where to go. Within second he went from peaceful to a disordered mess, which obviously worried you.

“Half an hour ago the breakdown service had called; they can´t make it today.”

The tension immediately left his body and his shoulders sank, but you saw the storm behind his eyes. 

“Why didn´t you wake me?” He sounded angry, but you remained calm and looked him straight into the face.

“You seemed like you needed it.” His face softened; he knew you were too good to him.

“You shouldn´t do that.” His words left you confused.

“What? Letting you sleep?”

“No, getting involved with me. People around me tend to get hurt.”

You swallowed, unsure what to say.

“Y/n, I… I´ve been feeling like this for quiet a while now; I really like you. Like a lot.” He mumbled, avoiding your glance while you slowly stood up as well.

“But I know, I´ll break your heart and you don´t deserve a broken heart.” His voice was shaking and you still weren´t able to get one word out of your mouth. His sudden confession came unexpected to you.

“I´m sorry.”

Before you could a chance to speak up, he turned and hurried away. You tried running after him, but Billy was gone. As prompt as he had come, he had disappeared again.

You say that you’re no good for me

‘Cause I’m always tugging at your sleeve

And I swear I hate you when you leave

But I like it anyway

 ***

“Billy?” Max knocked on her brother’s door, their father wasn´t home at the time. Billy had come home on a Thursday evening, per foot, without the car.  His father immediately became angry, asked him where the car was; Billy didn´t answer. After a bloody lip and black eye from him, Billy had gone into his room and since then barely left it. Today was Monday.

Max didn´t like admitting it, but she grew worried about her brother. When she was at Mike´s with Lucas and Dustin, she overheard a phone call from Mike´s older sister Nancy. She apparently had talked to a friend of hers, chatting about a party from a few weeks ago. She had said something about Billy and Y/n, hanging out there, privately in a dark hallway, talking.

First, Max didn´t think of it as much, but then Billy kept acting so weird and after three girls had called to ask Billy to a party, Max slowly became suspicious.

Max didn´t know you well, but liked you. Once a senior guy in school exclaimed that girl can´t skate and you had shoved him into a locker, giving Max a little wink.

“Billy?” Still no answer came, Max leaned against the door. “You know you can talk to me.” She added quietly. “Is this about Y/n?” She asked even quieter. Billy ripped the door abruptly open.

His face first seemed angry, but then he saw the fearful expression on Max´s- he slowly nodded.

I’m searching for something that I can’t reach

 The two siblings both sat on the couch, both in silence. They tried to figure out what to say, but didn´t know how to start. They had stopped talking to each other long time ago, it was like they needed to learn it all over again. When Max just opened her mouth, they doorbell rang. She glanced over to Billy, he didn´t make a move to open the door. Sighing to herself she opened it, only to find you standing there. Behind you waited the blue Camaro, the keys in your hand.

“Max, is Billy here?”

Max starred at you perplex and then slowly nodded. “Billy?” He didn´t answer.

“Billy, you might wanna come, Y/n´s here.”

You suddenly heard steps and Billy came to your sight. First, he starred at you, then car.

You realized how he looked more tired than ever, his eyes a little swollen and his left eye had remaining yellow, blueish tints from a black eye.

“Hi”, you said a little high pitched. Max already smirked, finding herself the first one to be shipping you two together.

“I´m gonna give you some privacy.” She explained and left your sight again, disappearing in the house.

“What are you doing here?”

“The breakdown service arrived the next day, I came with them and decided to bring you your baby back.”

His eyes flinched.

“But the bill?”

“I covered it, well technically my father did.”

“I don´t need your pity.”

“It´s called a present.”

“I don´t want it.”

“But how will you take me on a date without a ride?”

He stopped, starring at you wide eyed. You took a deep breath, you had carefully put together the words and now had come the time to say them.

“I thought about what you said and maybe you´re right, maybe you will break my heart. But what if you won´t? What if we, Hawkins famous bad boy and bad girl, worked out?”

He stayed utterly still, you weren´t even sure if he heard the words you had said.

Until he leaned forward, his hands cupping your face and his lips pressing against yours.

First, you were taken back, but then allowed him entrance. Your hands softly grabbed his hair around his neck. When you finally parted again, you were both gasping for air.

“Ok let´s try it, I promise I won´t break your heart.”

“Can´t say the same.”

“I´ll take the risk.”

 ***

By the end of the summer Billy found himself changed, changed by you.

And when you entered Hawkin High after the break again, hand in hand, both wearing boots and similar jackets, everyone eyed you with envy. And it felt damn good.

He was finally happy in a long time.

My ghost, where’d you go?

I can’t find you in the body sleeping next to me

My ghost, where’d you go?

What happened to the soul that you used to be?

[challito]

A Rescuer and a Refugee

Like a high tide, blood washed quickly and fully to the Tainted’s cheeks. In most cases, it was almost impossible to tell when he was blushing, one of the benefits of naturally crimson skin. However, as Aristotle watched Lili rush to his backpack, shoulder it, and bow her head in a subservient way, he blushed. Aristotle blushed so intensely that his red cheeks flushed deeper and redder than they ever had been before.

Every eye on the street bored into him. Each of them shooting disgust directly his way. Aristotle was used cold glances from strangers. Mostly it was due to the way he looked. His demonic heritage, or genetic defect or whatever trick of fate had caused his birth to be polluted with horns, a tail and crimson skin. However, this time the cause of the looks was very different. It was because he was so far west that the inhabitants of this back-water city actually believed him to be an genuine slaver.

Slavers were tolerated in Pelaius, but certainly not welcomed. Slavers often found that while visiting, inn prices were exorbitantly higher, food and drink became astronomically more expensive and the locals developed a crude habit of cursing under their breath. Aristotle quite admired all this except for the fact that now, only a short time after the sun had risen, he was being mistaken for one such slaver.

“Give me my pack.” He whispered to Lili.

The halfling flushed but refused to hand it over.

“Give it to me, you stupid girl.” Aristotle whispered again as he desperately reached out for the pack. Lili flinched away at the sight of his hand.

The air felt like it suddenly grew a lot colder around the Tainted. He had just confirmed the on-looker’s false suspicions of him being a slaver. Not only that, but in addition he had unintentionally taken on the illusion of a particularly abusive one.

“A right cunt, to be sure.” A grizzled, old man spat as he shouldered Aristotle out of the way.

“Please.” Begged Aristotle, feeling his tail reflexively curl around his leg in fear. “Please give me my bag back.”

“I happily carry your burdens, master.” Lili replied without lifting her head.

“No. No, don’t call me that. That’s not funny.” He said.

“It was not meant in gest.” She replied.

Aristotle felt his mouth set into a grim, straight line before he turned and led them away from where they stood. He wasn’t exactly sure where he was leading the two of them. All he knew was that he needed to get away from the large group of people that wanted to doll out horrific punishment.

Truth be told Aristotle whole heartedly agreed with their intentions. In most cases, he would have even joined in the hurling of insults and abuses. If he thought he’d had more time, he would have explained happily that he was a student of the Eastern University. By simple fact of his education and the people he rubbed shoulders with, his political leanings were sure to be far more open minded and liberal. Not to mention, likely far more opposed to slavery than the throng of angry citizens that was slowly growing around them. He would have happily explained this and so much more. However, when he started to see weapons being brandished within the crowd of people, he decided against it. Instead he hurried down the cobbled street as quickly as he could with Lili running at his heels to keep up.

Every street they turned down; it was much the same. Aristotle was dressed in fine clothing and couldn’t help but walk with an air of educated dignity that the university had instilled in him. Lili, on the other hand was a stooped halfling, barely cresting a metre. She was dressed in simple linen garments and although she carried Aristotles heavy bag with practiced ease, it practically brushed the ground as she walked.

Every time they rounded another corner, people would take one look at them and clock them as a slaver and his slave. Aristotle really couldn’t blame them. Lili played her part so well he half believed he was walking beside a genuine slave of Pentos.

The actuality of that idea was a complete impossibility. Aristotle knew only too well that all slaves of Pentos were branded with a magical seal that would cause the branded to become sicker and sicker the further offshore they went. 10 kilometres offshore, all slaves would die. There were shackles and other accessories that could dampen the effects for when slavers needed to travel, but Lili wore none that he could see.

So, when they found themselves on a particularly quiet street Aristotle bent down to Lili’s level and addressed her without much patience at all. “Okay. You’ve had your fun. Now give me my bag.”

Lili only stooped her head lower. “I’m sorry for upsetting you Master, but I couldn’t bare if someone were to see you carrying your own bag. It would shame me. It’s only proper if I do it.”

“The whole point is for people to see. I want everyone to see me carrying my own damn bag and you not carrying a thing. “

There was a long pause before Lili met Aristotles eye for the briefest of moments. “What do you mean?”

“You’re about to convince this whole city that I’m an actual slaver. Combined with these darlings,” Aristotle touched his horns. “It’s a fantastic recipe to get me lynched.”

Lili met Aristotles eyes for a much longer time. “I…I don’t understand.”

“Then listen very carefully. Give me back my bag. And then…I don’t know. Just walk beside me like we’re friends or something.” Aristotle held out his hand for the bag.

Slowly, reluctantly, Lili took off Aristotles bag and handed it back to him. He slung it over his shoulders with a sigh of relief. He looked around him. The hatred in the dirty looks that surrounded him seemed to lose their edge ever so slightly. Now they only searched him with nervous suspicion because of the colour of his skin. And the horns, the horns never helped.

Despite copious goading, Lili never inched closer than a step behind Aristotle. As they walked further into the city the smell of sea air was replaced by the mangled smells of animal droppings, cooking food and warm bodies. When they attempted to find a new outfit for the halfling, they found most of the city was already talking about them. “A Halfling slave and her Tainted slaver.” Aristotle only had to be denied entry into one tailor before he swiftly procured them passage out of the city.

An old trader happily agreed to their free passage to Dusk Harbour. Unfortunately, Aristotles pleasant surprise at the generous gesture soured within the hour. It turned out that the older trader was also a staunch sympathizer of Pentos and the old confederacies. Aristotle sat in muted hatred as their chauffer carefully described all the benefits for legal slavery.

When they alighted at Dusk Harbour, the old bigot threw out a hand sign that was so archaic and troublesome it was no longer even used in gest. Lili responded with the slave’s variation. Aristotle stared at them both dumbly and hoped that no one in the town had seen even a moment of the exchange.

The sun was setting as they entered the quiet port town. It was only that morning that Aristotle had rescued Lili. They had escaped the city an hour later and spent the rest of the day on a cart talking about slavery and how wonderful it apparently was. Aristotle still felt unconvinced.

If Aristotle was truthful with himself, he knew that rescue was the wrong choice of word. In his reckoning rescues implied breaking and entering under the cover of night and daring fencing duels down narrow corridors. They encompassed the humiliation of evil captors and incredibly grateful damsels or bachelors in distress.

In truth, the Tainted had found Lili behind a brewery while he was looking for a spot to piss. He’s actually given up searching for her 2 days earlier. Their first conversation had been extremely awkward and the only person that had felt humiliated was himself.

He tried to put that behind him as he found lodging for the night. The woman that owned the only inn allowed them to stay in the stables. They had to promise not to be seen and to leave before the sun came up. As a Tainted in these parts, Aristotle was simply grateful not to be run out of town with his tail between his legs.

When the innkeeper asked if Lili was his slave, Aristotle shook his head and begged her not to spread that idea around. He dropped a few extra copper Tinc in the innkeeper’s hand and found the most secluded corner of the stable to bed down in. Lili had unpacked his bedroll and laid it out before he had noticed.

Conversation was sparse among the dank hay. Rain pattered the wooden slats above their heads and the few horses that were stabled shifted restlessly the whole night. Aristotle woke several times to pray that the locals didn’t try to burn the structure down while he was inside. In the end, the Tainted’s mounting anxiety had the benefit of them securing a particularly early start on the day.

Aristotle repaid the innkeepers kindness by stealing some of her children’s clothes. Of course, they were for Lili to wear. At least now she would look like a farm girl instead of someone who kept being mistaken for a slave. It never once occurred to Aristotle to change his own attire. He did leave a generous silver tile as payment and whispered a silent apology.

The journey from Dusk Harbour to Port Demahsi would have taken them 10 days had they not stopped for an extra two at an old Dwarven couples’ house that constantly smelled of roasting wood. The couple were by profession a tailor and a cobbler. The idea was to have something made for Lili that would help her fit in more easily in Ketrosi.

Lili found the idea of choosing fabric or design completely impossible, only adding to Aristotles frustration with her. The Tailor was sure they were pulling farce or prank. So, the Tainted spent most of the second day cleaning gutters and performing other feats of manual labour as way of apology.

That afternoon a messenger stopped for a spot of gossip with the Tailor and the cobbler. She told them of a small force of Pentosi infantry that was causing trouble in Pelaius. Apparently, the infantry were trying to go door to door looking for an escapee of the Empire. When the messenger left the militia of Pelaius was trying to force the Pentosi troops back onto their boats. Once the messenger left, Aristotle decided it was best he and Lili left too.

It wasn’t until a day out of Ketrosi that Aristotle was finally determined enough to get to the bottom of the Halflings poor behaviour. They’d made camp, it was Lili’s turn to prepare something to eat and he could tell she was uncomfortable. Whenever he asked her about it, she just bowed her head and turned away until eventually, she wet herself.

They had stared at each other for a long time after that before tears silently rolled down Lili’s cheeks. It was the pathetic, helpless depression he had witnessed many times at the university. The kinds of sobbing that said “I should have studied more. I should have planned. Now I stand on the precipice of something I am totally unprepared for.”

“It’s okay.” Aristotle whispered, moving toward the halfling. “Everyone’s done it at some point.”

Lili responded only by flinching away.

“Why don’t you go down to the river and clean off. I’ll finish dinner.” He continued.

Lili shook her head and turned some carrots that were roasting above the fire. “Why are you pretending to be so nice to me?”

For some reason, it was that sentence that cracked Aristotles dammed up frustration and cause it to come spilling forth. “Pretending? How much more do I have to do to prove that I’m not pretending? I rescued you from a city I could have been killed in because of the colour of my skin. I’ve led you across half the country. I stole some child’s clothes for you! I’ve never done so much for my own father.

“I don’t know what it’s like where you come from. I don’t know how your family treated you, or how you treated the slaves you owned. I’m here for a job. I got asked to collect a short, blonde, noblewoman from Pentos who was seeking refuge. So, the real question, is why in the gods damned world are you making this so difficult for me?”

Lili and Aristotle locked eyes then, for the longest time they ever had. It was Aristotle that looked away first.

“Sorry. I…I know it must be impossible to leave everything you know and seek refuge in another country. I’m sorry.”

“Why did you say I was a noblewoman?” Lili asked at length.

“The people that asked me to find you said you were.”

“I am not.”

Aristotle scratched his chin. “A noblewoman’s daughter then? A merchant, an Artisan, a courtesan?”

Lili shook her head. “I’m a slave of Pentos.” She said quietly.

Very delicately, Lili lowered the kerchief that she’d worn tied around her neck. Behind it hid a raised brand of an ornate P with a slightly glowing slash carved through it. Aristotles eyes went wide with recognition and she hid it again.

A maelstrom of questions and realizations buffeted the Tainted’s mind. How was she alive this far away from Pentos? That was first, next was the fact that he was travelling with one of the most coveted foreign goods of Pentos, and that if anyone were to figure that out, they would most likely kill him. Then came all the clues he’d witnessed over the course of the last month or so and completely ignored. Lastly came the image of a battalion of Pentosi infantry, the most feared and deadly warriors in all the known world.

It was another fact entirely that caused Aristotle to begin to sweat. He felt his knees grow weak and slowly lowered himself to the ground. He felt nausea wash over him and was thankful that he had not yet eaten. Lili watched him carefully, a look of concern growing on her face.

“What is it?” She asked finally.

“If you’re not a noblewoman.” Aristotle said. “Then I believe that I have left something very important indeed at that back-water, port city of Pelaius.”

[restingbritishface]

whoops all of them

1: My name? 

Adam Gabriel :) I’m not a fan of my last name though... can I have yours?

2: Do I have any nicknames? Not derivatives of my name, but you call me a lot of cute ones 

3: Zodiac sign? Aries/Taurus

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win?Skyrim lol5: Book/series I reread? Rangers Apprentice or Percy Jackson 6: Aliens or ghosts? Ghosts7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? You 8: Favourite radio station? Whatever actually plays a good song?9: Favourite flavour of anything? Chocolate? Or salty10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? Awesome or great lol11: Favourite song? Currently I kissed a boy by Jupither12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? I just sort of ask random questions until we have something in common lol13: Favourite word? FUCK14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? Forgiving them isn’t beneficial for me and they don’t think they need it, so no.15: Last song I listened to? I kissed a boy - jupither16: TV show I always recommend? Probably Brooklyn 99 lol I haven’t seen it but I’m behind it 100%17: Pirates or ninjas? Ninja pirates!18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? Wonder Woman or Moana19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? My alarm always plays either i kissed a boy or from the dining table 20: Favourite video games? Probably skyrim, I don’t play too many video games21: What am I most afraid of? Losing people I love22: A good quality of mine? I’m good at giving advice23: A bad quality of mine? Probably my pickiness with food lol. That, or the fact that I always feel like I have to earn good things before I can have them24: Cats or dogs? Kitties!25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Mmmm I don’t really have one26: Favourite season? Autumn!27: Am I in a relationship? Hell yeah!28: Something I miss? Serotonin... best thing from my childhood rip29: My best friend? You!30: Eye colour? Blue?31: Hair colour? currently blondish red32: Someone I love? You!33: Someone I trust? You!34: Someone I always think about? You!35: Am I excited about anything? You!36: My current obsession? Gay shit37: Favourite TV shows as a child? Oooh hmm I liked a lot of Disney Channel shows

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? I don’t care enough about people’s genitals to know who the ~opposite sex~ is, plus intersex people exist so39: Am I superstitious? A little? Not really40: What do I think about most? Youuuuu41: Do I have any strange phobias? I have fear foods, does that count42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I live for the spotlight43: Favourite hobbies? Dancing! Singing! Getting overwhelmed with crippling depression!44: Last book I read? Simon and the Homo Sapiens Agenda45: Last film I watched? The Greatest Showman46: Do I play any instruments? Piano and guitar47: Favourite animal? Kitties or penguins!48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? In no particular order:       @misstheroses        @charmingimmortality          @beaniebaneenie             @hclliish​               @slenderlof

49: Superpower I wish I could have? Flying would be fucking great50: How do I destress? I love to take long baths or talk to you51: Do I like confrontation? No, but I do like to communicate, so I guess that could be seen as confrontation52: When do I feel most at peace? When I feel like I pass and I’m around people who accept me53: What makes me smile? You, kitties, babies, genuine compliments54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? Off ofc what am I a heathen?55: Play any sports? Dance is a sport so yes

56: What is my song of the week? oooh I like so many...57: Favourite drink? Fresh orange juice probably58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? Earlier this month to youuuu59: Afraid of heights? Nope60: Pet peeve? When people order a drink and don’t tell me the fuckin size like thanks for ordering a three shot 8 pump nonfat vanilla latte with no whip, carol, now tell me what size you want before i charge you for the large

61: What was the last concert I went to see? Oh god it was so long ago i don’t even remember62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? I’m mostly vegetarian except when my family makes me eat meat63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? I wanted to be a movie star lol64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? Yeah haha65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Oooh idk maybe middle earth?

66: Something I worry about? Accidentally pushing people away

67: Scared of the dark? nope

68: Who are my best friends? I consider @misstheroses @charmingimmortality @slenderlof and @beaniebaneenie to be some of my best friends 

69: What do I admire most about others? Their capacity for kindness even in a world that destroys it70: Can I sing? Well enough?71: Something I wish I could do? Move to london right now72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? a shit load of random acts of kindness, pay off my student loans, move to london and buy a flat, then open a queer cafe 73: Have I ever skipped school? I’ve skipped classes, but never an entire school day74: Favourite place on the planet? Wherever you are75: Where do I want to live? London76: Do I have any pets? Three cats and a doggo77: What is my current desktop picture? Wonder woman78: Early bird or night owl? Night owl for sure79: Sunsets or sunrise? Sunsets80: Can I drive? Yep81: Story behind my last kiss? Never been kissed lol82: Earphones or headphones? Earphones83: Have I ever had braces? Yep84: Story behind one of my scars? I scar super easily lol so i have a lot but when I was ~1 or so I got a cyst by my eye removed85: Favourite genre of music? Gay music86: Who is my hero? my boyfriend (it you)87: Favourite comic book character? Oooh Wonder Woman88: What makes me really angry? Assholes who purposefully fuck shit up89: Kindle or real book? I love real books90: Favourite sporty activity? Dancing91: What is one thing that isn’t taught in schools that should be? Non eurocentric history and queer inclusive sex ed92: What was my favourite subject at school? Probably English93: Siblings? I’ve got five94: What was the last thing I bought? Makeup95: How tall am I? 5′796: Can I cook? Yep it’s a lot of fun97: Can I bake? Yes yes yes98: 3 things I love? Babies, binders, and boys99: 3 things I hate? Cisheteronormativity, capitalism, and cunts100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? I have friend friends101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? Most of my friends don’t identify as only male or female so let’s just say cis boys are hard af to get on with102: Where was I born? In a hospital...?103: Sexual orientation? Gay af 104: Where do I currently live? Too fucking far away from you105: Last person I texted? You 106: Last time I cried? A little while ago? 107: Guilty pleasure? No such thing as guilty pleasures, you shouldn’t feel guilty about self-love108: Favourite Youtuber? I don’t really have one109: A photo of myself. Lmao nah110: Do I like selfies? I guess?111: Favourite game app? I don’t really have one?112: My relationship with my parents? As fucked up as capitalism haha113: Favourite accents? Oh my god I just love british accents they all sound like Tom Hiddleston oh my god so sexy114: A place I have not been but wish to visit? London115: Favourite number? 420 lmao116: Can I juggle? No haha117: Am I religious? nope118: Do I like space? yeah119: Do I like the deep ocean? scary cool120: Am I much of a daredevil? yeah tbh i can be121: Am I allergic to anything? penicillin lol and some other meds122: Can I curl my tongue? yep123: Can I wiggle my ears? no124: Do I like clowns? oh hell no125: The Beatles or Elvis? no thanks126: My current project? i’m working on nothing really currently lol127: Am I a bad loser? I can be tbh128: Do I admit when I wrong? i hate doing it but yeah129: Forest or beach? foresttttttt130: Favourite piece of advice? communicate!131: Am I a good liar? i can be if i have to but i’m terrible at lying to friends132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Fairly hufflepuff, dauntless, and idk lol133: Do I talk to myself? not too much?134: Am I very social? if i know everyone i’d be hanging out with, then yes135: Do I like gossip? not really136: Do I keep a journal/diary? nope137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? i’ve had breakdowns for getting a b on a test so thank fuck no138: Do I believe in second chances? in certain circumstances139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? probably see if there’s any sort of id in there, but then hang around for a while to see if anyone comes looking for it. if they don’t, then i’d keep it140: Do I believe people are capable of change? to a certain extent141: Have I ever been underweight? lmao142: Am I ticklish? literally do not tickle me ever i will hurt you143: Have I ever been in a submarine? nope i’d die from claustrophobia144: Have I ever been on a plane? yep145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? oh i have no idea haha146: Have I ever been overweight? lmao147: Do I have any piercings? yeah but they closed up148: Which fictional character do I wish was real? Wonder woman149: Do I have any tattoos? not yet150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far? dating you151: Do I believe in Karma? sort of yeah152: Do I wear glasses or contacts? yep!153: What was my first car? the one i have now 154: Do I want children? i’d adopt, yeah155: Who is the most intelligent person I know? idek there’s so many types of intelligence156: My most embarrassing memory? omfg i don’t even know157: What makes me nostalgic? the smell of hairspray158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes it was not fun159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? kindness160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? dark colours, esp grey and red161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience? i heard a girl singing from inside my sister’s room but no one was in there, so there’s that162: What do I hate most about myself? oh boy where do I start... lol I get really dysphoric 163: What do I love most about myself? my eyes and my optimism164: Do I like adventure? hell yeah!165: Do I believe in fate? not really166: Favourite animal? kitties or penguins167: Have I ever been on radio? yeah actually i was when I was little168: Have I ever been on TV? not yet!169: How old am I? almost 20170: One of my favourite quotes? “You’re stronger than you believe”171: Do I hold grudges? yeah sometimes172: Do I trust easily? i like to think I dont’, but i trust way too easily haha173: Have I learnt from my mistakes? some of them174: Best gift I’ve ever received? love175: Do I dream? yep176: Have I ever had a night terror? yeahhhh177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? cuddling with my boyfriend in a hotel178: An experience that has made me stronger? i hate to say negative experiences made me stronger tbh i don’t know179: If I were immortal, what would I do? idk haha180: Do I like shopping? yeah but i hate spending money lmao181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? rob a bank so i can help people182: What does “family” mean to me? people who completely love and accept you and support you183: What is my spirit animal? that’s cultural appropriation of native american culture184: How do I want to be remembered? as a kind person185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dance probably186: What is my greatest failure?187: What is my greatest achievement?188: Love or money? love189: Love or career? love190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? i’d probably go to the past sometime191: What makes me the happiest? being myself192: What is “home” to me? wherever you are193: What motivates me?194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be? “go my son, be the biggest slut you can be”195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens? maybe if they’re nice196: A movie that scared me as a child? oooh hmm maybe terminator?197: Something I hated as a child that I like now? the gays lol198: Zombies or vampires? neither199: Live in the city or suburbs? city for sure200: Dragons or wizards? dragons201: A nightmare that has stayed with me? someone very close to me dying202: How do I define love? a deep connection to someone and a desire to support them and accept them 203: Do I judge a book by its cover? yeah i do that a lot204: Have I ever had my heart broken? yeah but i got over it real quick205: Do I like my handwriting? sort of206: Sweet or savoury? both207: Worst job I’ve had? customer service during christmas 208: Do I collect anything? memories209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? probably my binder210: What is on my bucket list? travel the world, get married, be gay211: How do I handle anger? i don’t handle it well haha 212: Was I named after anyone? my birth name, yes, my real name, no213: Do I use sarcasm a lot? oh hell no I never do that214: What TV character am I most like? idk someone tell me lol215: What is the weirdest talent I have? i’m not sure?216: Favourite fictional character? Wonder Woman and any queer person in any book ever

[grayzaweek]

Prompt 6: Moments

The riverside had always been their spot. It was a special place. Significant. He’d never mentioned it to anybody. He was sure she hadn’t either.

Hands in his coat pockets, Gray closed his eyes. Felt the breeze against his face. He sighed.

Somehow, they’d managed to return Erza to the guild. He clenched his fists. Even thinking about that blue haired fucker made his blood boil. His only regret was not being able to punch a hole through the son of a bitch’s face.

Gray took care to not speak or think ill of the dead, but rules stopped applying where Erza Scarlet was involved. Nobody had the right to make her cry. Much less sacrifice her to resurrect a dead dark wizard. He would’ve killed the fucker himself. He didn’t care how strong Jellal was supposed to be, nobody walked away from Iced Shell.

All because that fucking flame-brained asshole got eating by some motherfucking owl. He clicked his tongue.

The guild was celebrating the return of their Titania, but he’d quietly excused himself. He didn’t feel like celebrating. Celebrations were for people who actually deserved them. Not for people who blacked out before the main event. Natsu deserved it. Least he’d gotten the chance to sock Jellal on the kisser.

He took a deep breath. He let it go.

It was the closest he’d come to losing Erza. She’d always been this invulnerable… being of some kind to most. While he acknowledged her strength, Gray knew Erza like not many people did. He’d seen her for what she was right there by the riverside eight years ago: A girl who wore armour around her heart, too afraid to feel. Always alone. Always crying.

He liked to think that he’d been the one to get through to her, but that wasn’t true. Erza had the entire guild at her back. Everyone loved and respected her. Feared her too. Now that her past had come to light, Gray hoped everyone would treat her like a person instead of a paragon. See her as Erza Scarlet and not Titania.

With that realisation also came the fact that Erza was vulnerable. It wasn’t something many people thought about. They would now. Just as he was. What would he have done if Erza had… died? Tried to prevent it, sure. Grind every bone in his body to dust if he had to, of course. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if he did lose her one day? What if he never got to tell her-

Tell her what? He chuckled bitterly and stepped towards the river. Looked down at his warped reflection in the moonlight.

Despite Jellal trying to kill her, Erza had tried to save him. It may have been out of a misplaced sense of self-righteousness, but he knew better. She had feelings for him. She’d had feelings for that bastard, and he wasn’t Jellal Fernandes. Or Siegrain. Or whatever that cunt fucking carrot top’s name was. That was that.

Shoulders slumping, Gray sighed deeply and pinched his eyes. I need sleep.

“Deep sighs, Gray. Who are you thinking of?”

And just like that, all trace of tiredness left his body in a flash. Oh no, he thought as he half-turned. Not now.

But Lady Luck had never been his friend.

As if summoned by his thoughts, there stood Erza Scarlet. He hadn’t heard her approach, thanks to his distracting thoughts. He frowned as she came up and stood beside him.

“What’re you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

“I come here often. It’s not unnatural.”

“Same here.”

“No, I mean, why aren’t you celebrating?”

She shrugged. “What’s there to celebrate?”

He looked away. Simon, her old friend, had died. Killed by Jellal, apparently. He’d not lost anybody that day. It wasn’t the same for her.

“Sorry,” he offered quietly.

“Don’t be,” she replied just as gently. ”You have nothing to be sorry for.”

Is that right? I wish I could believe you. He chose not to say anything.

“You never answered my question.”

“Hmm?”

“What were you thinking about?”

He looked at her then and found her looking straight up at him, a look of utter concentration on her face. He looked away.

“You. I was… thinking about you.”

“Oh. What about me?”

Sighing, Gray ran a hand through his hair. “It’s just that I… I mean we came this close to losing you.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And I couldn’t do anything-”

“You did enough.”

“I could’ve done more! I should’ve-”

He stopped when she placed a palm flat on his chest and stepped closer. It got very hard for him to think all of a sudden.

“You did enough,” she said with a smile. “You did more than enough. Accept that.”

He shook his head. “I really didn’t do anything.”

“That’s not what Happy tells me.”

Ah, crap. “Is that right? And what did Happy say?”

At that, Erza’s smile widened and she stepped back, clearing her throat.

“I’m taking Erza back with me! Erza has to be with us… with Fairy Tail! So she doesn’t have to cry anymore.” She finished her impersonation of him and tilted her head, grinning now. “Yes?”

Goddamn cat. Gray crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. “I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t?”

“Nope.”

“Are you quite sure?”

He groaned. “Did he tell anyone else?”

“Other than the whole guild? I don’t think so, no.”

“Great.” Gray raked his fingers down his face. “Brilliant.”

“Thank you.”

His head snapped back towards her. “What for?”

“For saving me.”

“Erza, I didn’t save you. That was all Natsu.”

She shook her head. “I’m not talking about the Tower, Gray.”

“Then?”

“I’m talking about eight years ago. Right here.” She spread her arms wide and then let them fall at her sides. “You saved me that day.”

Gray just looked at her. “How do you mean?”

“You penetrated my armour, Gray. Relentlessly. You somehow managed to get here.” She tapped her chest, smiling up at him. “You opened me up to all sorts of new and wonderful things. So you saved me. And I want to thank you. For being my… friend. Through everything.”

He hoped the cover of darkness was enough to hide his blush. “You don’t have to thank me for that.”

“’Having to’ has nothing to do with it.”

Gray looked at her, lost for words. She looked absolutely, genuinely truthful. She can’t mean that. Someone like him? Save someone like her? Even the thought of it was ludicrous. He’d have done the same for anybody in the g-no. Erza was different. Erza was special.

Looking into her soft, brown eyes, Gray felt like somebody had reached into his chest and plucked at his heartstrings. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling.

“Erza-”

“Gray?”

“I-”

“Yes?”

He laughed at her responses and gently placed his hand atop her head. She blinked in confusion, but didn’t move away from his touch.

I’m in love with her, he told himself. What do I do now?

“I’m glad you’re no longer clinging on to your armour for support.” He smiled at her. “That’s something you’ve achieved all on your own, and I’m proud of you, Erza. I really am.” Despite himself, his hand lowered to her cheek. She didn’t flinch away, though her eyes widened. He clenched his jaw. “You’re really important to-” me “-everyone at the guild. They-” I “-love you, you know.” He brushed his thumb along her cheekbone. “So live, Erza. Live gloriously. Have fun. Make great memories. Live for them. Live with them. Make every day count.” His eyes started to burn and he retracted his hand to rub at them. Great. Just my luck. “That’s all I hadta say.”

Erza was quiet awhile before taking a tentative step closer. “Gray?”

He sniffed. Whatever it was that had been in his eyes was gone now. “Yeah?”

“Why were you here alone?”

“I wanted to be alone. I didn’t feel like being rowdy.”

“Then why are you crying?”

He swallowed. “I’m not crying. Just something in my eye.”

She smiled at him. Didn’t call him out on his lie. “I see.”

Pull yourself together, he told himself, but it was easier said than done. He felt sick.

They stared at each other for some time, standing not even a foot apart, but Gray finally sighed and looked away towards the path he’d come from.

“It’s getting late,” he said.

“Mhmm. You need the rest.”

“As do you.”

“That I do.”

“D’you want me to walk to Fairy Hills?” he offered as they walked up the slope to the road. She shook her head.

“You don’t have to.”

“’Having to’ has nothing to do with it.”

Erza chuckled quietly. “Then I would like that. Unless you’re too tired.”

“It’s okay. It’s on my way home anyways.”

It wasn’t, but she didn’t have to know that. Gray just wanted to be selfish for once, spend a few more moments with Erza before going home and seeing about getting over her. He remembered he had some whisky in the cabinet. He’d need that.

“Thanks for walking me, Gray.”

“Don’t mention it.”

He’d need a lot of it.

[mafiabosstsuna]

scenario with xanxus and hibari falling in love with the person they were forced to have an arranged marriage with

XanxusYou always knew you were just going to be used as a bargaining chip, just an easy way to advance your father’s position. You weren’t from a particularly strong family, you were actually pretty tiny, and not all that great. Your father was a bit of a coward and everyone knew it, so why not just marry her off to the highest bidder? You had come to terms with that ages ago.

It was pretty unlucky, though, that your father was able to find someone like Xanxus. You certainly didn’t know the details, didn’t know what in the world he did or who he paid off, but you had been informed that it hadn’t been an easy sell. Apparently your fiancé hadn’t been too thrilled. You weren’t either, but you certainly weren’t throwing a piss fit. But damn, you weren’t happy. You’d heard the rumors about him, knew what he was like with woman. And you were mostly annoyed with the fact that he’d probably be free to fuck around after you were married and you wouldn’t. Stupid double standards, ones that you weren’t going to let happen. Cause fuck, you don’t want to do this either!

You two were married within the week. Bam, boom, done. Your father saw you off and was glad to see you gone. It was a good deal for him, after all, able to get rid of you and increase his standing in one swift shot. You wished you didn’t have to actually have the whole stupid ceremony, but it had been necessary- appearances were very important. Xanxus really didn’t speak to you practically at all that entire night. He drank a ton of wine and passed out in your bed. Of course, not before ripping off every bit of clothing he had had on.

The next few weeks were weird. Neither of you was very happy with the situation you’d been put in, and you were a little annoyed at the fact that you found you got along with your husband fairly well. You had similar interests, and though he wasn’t incredibly talkative you could hold a conversation with him pretty easily. But he annoyed you to death with the way he didn’t even try to hide the woman he was still sleeping with. It was actually getting on your nerves a lot more than it ought to.

One day you had needed to clean your guns, your pride and joy, two PP2000, so you sat down in your shared bedroom to do it. Cleaning your guns was the worst part of having them, though, it was such an involved process. You had to unscrew parts just to get inside and it was just a pain. But it needed to be done. And you loved these guns, they were good close range and they fit perfectly in your hands, so they deserved to be clean.

You didn’t even look up when the door flung open, and you had begun speaking before it had even had time to slam against the wall. “Find a different room, there are more than enough in this castle.”

“I didn’t realize this room was occupied,” the girl Xanxus had brought back said, sounding both haughty and displeased.

It was a shame, if they’d shown up five minutes later you would have been finished and done and wouldn’t have had to deal with this. “What the fuck are you even doing?” Xanxus asked, and from the genuinely confused tone to his voice it occurred to you he probably hadn’t even known you knew how to shoot a gun, much less take it apart to clean it. Unfortunately not surprising, you thought, as you were both a woman and from such a weak family.

“Come on now, husband, I’d think that such a great boss like yourself would know what the inside of a gun looked like?” you said.

You’d finally got the last screw on, and you slid the magazine back in and gave it a smack, giving a quick check that the safety was on. You rose to your feet, keeping your weapons pointed down as you stalked out of the room. As you passed the two of them you said, “I’m staying at a friend’s tonight, so have fun.”

Xanxus didn’t trust her or that stupid smile she’d given him. And he found himself too agitated to even give this dumb cunt a fuck, so with very little kindness he pushed her out of his room and slammed the door in her face. And then immediately had to open it again. He pushed past her roughly before stomping down the hallway. He needed to find out where she’d gone. His stupid wife. So he barked orders at the first people he saw to go follow her.

He didn’t know why he was so angry. It didn’t make sense. What should he care what she was doing? It’s not like he chose to marry her or anything. But the thought of her with another man made him seethe with rage. And no, he absolutely didn’t see the blatant hypocrisy since he’d literally just been about to screw some random chick right in front of her. In fact, now that he thought about it, why hadn’t she been more angry about that? She hadn’t seemed to care at all and it pissed him off.

When he was told that they’d seen her going into some guy’s apartment he was seeing red. He grabbed his guns and left. Got a little lost on the way there, that certainly didn’t improve his mood. It had now been two hours since she’d left and he didn’t hesitate to kick that door open. The sound of the wood splintering beneath his boot seemed to echo in the empty living room.

He could hear her behind the bedroom door, voice urgent as she said something he couldn’t make out to whoever it was she was there with. He had thrown the door open and shot the guy in less than a heartbeat, a clean shot through his left eye, blood splattering back against the wall, creating an almost pretty starburst of red against the plain white wallpaper.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with other men?” he spat, he was sure she could see the fire in his eyes. “You’re my fucking wife.“

She had a gun pointed at his head, a thin sheen of sweat on her naked body. The sight turned him on way more than it probably should, but he didn’t care. “If it’s okay for you to do it, it should be okay for me.”

“I didn’t do shit.” He took a step towards her and she took a step back. She wouldn’t shoot him, he knew she wasn’t stupid. So by the time he’d gotten to her she’d backed herself into the corner, and he roughly grabbed her wrists and pinned them above her head, the gun slipping from her grasp and falling at her feet. He kicked it across the room, leaning in so close she was sure to feel his breath on her skin. “You’re supposed to be mine, and I’ll make sure you remember that.“

HibariThey had never warned you about this, and it had seemingly come from nowhere. Being married to one of the Vongola Decimo’s guardians. You were more confused by why this other person agreed. You didn’t know the details, but apparently it was a kind of punishment for him. Maybe he’d really messed up some kind of mission, or he wasn’t doing enough for the family. But your own family was fairly powerful, but mostly they had a lot of money. Marrying you had a lot of benefits, just like marrying him got her parents in good with the Vongola.

Your parents were planning on using you as a spy, that much you were clued in on. They needed information on one of the most powerful Famiglias in Europe, if not the world, and you were easy to sneak in. It was all about the timing, and it was good timing.

Your marriage was done quickly, and Hibari was surprisingly accommodating. Though he wasn’t happy about it either, and he wasn’t very talkative, he was at least not treating you as if you didn’t exist. Honestly, it wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it was gonna be. Plus, you didn’t know he had a pet bird, and they were just so cute! His box animal too was very adorable, and they both seemed to like you.

Honestly, their company was very much appreciated, since Hibari wasn’t around very often. He was always off working, and he hadn’t ever let you into his office. You chewed your lip as you stared at the closed door. You knew you had to get in there, there had to be a wealth of information your family could use, but you were finding the more time you spent here the less you wanted to do this.

Hibari had been nothing but kind to you. He hadn’t pressured you into anything simply because you were technically married, and he’d all around made you feel welcome here. Even if he did have security cameras hidden in all the places he thought you’d never see, he hadn’t done anything to you.

But your parents were getting… They needed that information, they said, and you should’ve had the chance to find something by now. Anything. They were pressuring you more and more into taking stupid risks, it didn’t matter, they just needed you to get what they wanted. And you were torn. You wanted to remain loyal to your family, to the parents who’d raised you and taught you everything, but you didn’t want to betray Hibari, or the Vongola.

“Is something the matter?”

You jumped at the voice, turning to find your husband behind you. And all you could think was ‘He knows, he knows, he knows!’ He’d kill you in a second, you knew that. But you’d have to make the first move. “No, I’m fine.”

He stared silently at you for a heartbeat, scrutinizing you, trying to figure out what you were planning. At least, that’s what your stress addled brain thought. “If there is, you can feel free to come to me about it. We’re married now, after all.”

He was giving you the option to come clean. That had to be what he was doing. Prove your loyalty to the Vongola and confess that your family was full of traitors plotting to take down his boss. You almost did, but you bit back the words before they could come out. “I’ll remember that, thank you.”

You didn’t see much of him that week. Your parents were becoming hard to continue lying to. No, you still hadn’t learned anything, you’d say. Again, and again, and again. You got a message that day. Your father needed to speak with you. Urgently. In person. So you snuck out of the house and went to the location you’d been given. But nobody was there. And you could feel the bile rising in your throat. Cause something wasn’t right, this didn’t make sense. You searched the warehouse, and finally found it. A note taped to one of the doors leading outside. Not the one you’d come in from. We don’t need you. We’re moving ahead with the plan without your help.

Hibari wasn’t startled when the door to his office was flung open. He’d seen her enter from the cameras, in some kind of hurry. She was breathing heavily, and her face was speckled with blood. It didn’t look to be her own. “Hibari,” she gasped, “They’ve found a way in. They’re going to do it.”

They’d known about this for months. They’d known that ______’s marriage proposal was all just a ploy to get in good with the Vongola. And they’d known that _____ was never expected to survive, a sacrificial lamb. If only she’d played her part correctly, that was.

But he was surprised to find that she’d not only refused to play her parent’s game, she’d even come back to warn them. She was lucky she’d picked the correct side. He had found that he wasn’t really that keen on killing her. He’d admit it, to himself at least, that he’d found he’d grown quite fond of her. She was strong, and loyal, and she didn’t get on his nerves.

He finally rose from his seat, walking slowly across the room to her. She looked scared, he could see she was tensing up, ready for some kind of attack that wasn’t going to come. She lowered her eyes to the floor, and the look of utter confusion on her face when he patted her gently on the head was almost funny. “Good job, herbivore.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: [Airport selfie] Rio: That's the 2nd time I've dealt with your 'rents now, you so owe me Buster: How do you look that good right now Buster: I reckon you owe me for that glow, babe Buster: But yeah...name your terms Rio: 😊 Rio: Still worth it, even if we didn't get to finish properly 😒 Rio: I'll think on it, nothing that inspiring in duty free, like Buster: I should've pulled a sickie and come with you Buster: They can't be in both houses at once, like Rio: That'd be some intense hellicopter parenting that I don't think they're about Rio: Nance does not make the most of the freedom she has, like Buster: I'd rather they buy me a helicopter Buster: She might now that she has a girlfriend, I don't know and don't wanna Buster: If she could hang we'd be able to co-ordinate the parties 😒 Rio: Keep dreaming big, babe 😂 Rio: Ew, fair point Rio: sure she still spends most of her time at nan and grandads Rio: effort to feed yourself and be all alone in that big gaff Buster: It ain't Buster: She's got skills and a phone if she's too lazy to use 'em Buster: Such a waste Rio: Yeah but you know Rio: company's company Rio: but now she's got her gf maybe she'll change her mind, like you said Rio: gotta remember her name Buster: Grandad's a top bloke but come on 😂 Buster: Whatever Buster: Enough about my sister Rio: Rude Rio: What do you wanna talk about then? Buster: You Rio: My favourite subject, 'course 😏 Buster: When can you come back? Rio: Gotta get the rota then I'll let you know Rio: Can you make sure your parents are like, really fucking busy tho Rio: can't deal with an interruption again Buster: They were meant to be this weekend, but yeah, honestly if another meeting gets cancelled I'll make sure they don't get the memo Buster: I need you all to myself Buster: All weekend Rio: Forreal 😂 Rio: Sabotage that schedule Rio: don't they know we need every second we can grab, like Rio: not got time for a cuppa and a catch up, please Buster: I'll change the locks if I have to Buster: I miss you Rio: I miss you Rio: What a cockblock of a weekend, like old times Buster: Yeah Buster: I don't miss that Rio: Only so long before exciting turns into frustrating, facts Buster: I'm not a doctor, like but I reckon there's only so long before you risk getting carpal tunnel Rio: 😂 Rio: Still time if you fancy it Rio: so knowledgable Buster: At least I can say it's all those essays I've done Buster: Not a decent excuse when you're blind with hairy palms Rio: You're so silly Buster: Tell it to the lads so they'll find somewhere else to hang Buster: I'm about to start wearing a purity ring so they stop throwing girls at me Rio: Reformed character, like Buster: I mean, I'm still 😈 just it's all for you Rio: Shame you can't hit 'em with that Rio: bigger laugh than the 💍 Buster: Don't Rio: Obviously not Rio: They aren't that bright, won't they buy a fucking Canadian girlfriend or whatever? Buster: Can't we just be real everyone Buster: with* Buster: Would it really be so fucking bad if they all knew? Rio: You're ready to find out? Buster: It's not like we're committing a crime Rio: Yeah but Rio: people are still going to think it's weird Rio: at best Buster: I don't care what anyone thinks Rio: Alright Rio: then tell all your friends rn Rio: you gotta live with it, like Buster: So what, you're daring me now? Buster: This isn't a game, Rio Buster: Even if you're playing one Rio: I ain't, I'm trying to show you what a bad idea it is Buster: Are you in this or not? Buster: 'Cause it sounds like you're playing for time like you don't reckon we can keep this up Rio: Of course I am, wouldn't have done it if I weren't Rio: but we can't just out it, like Rio: if you think it's hassle now, that'll be more, surely Buster: Why would it? We wouldn't have to sneak around anymore if everyone knows Rio: We would if the fam nopes on it that hard Rio: they might Buster: They could try Buster: Nobody can tell us what to do Rio: Babe, we'd still only be able to see each other at weekends, my odd weekdays off Rio: that's the main problem, still Buster: I know, alright Buster: I know Rio: that don't mean we can't make it work Buster: Until some other lad comes along who you can see when you want Buster: And isn't your fucking cousin, like Rio: You really reckon? Buster: Like you said, this is hassle, yeah? Rio: Fuck off Rio: Don't twist my words Buster: I'm asking, genuinely Buster: Do you still wanna do this or not? Rio: 'Course I fucking do Rio: I love you Rio: what you saying, you're over it? Buster: No Buster: I couldn't ever be over you Rio: Then don't be chatting that shit Buster: I'm just saying Buster: School's only just started basically Rio: I'd rather this than stop Rio: no, I can't stop Rio: right? that ain't changed Buster: Not for me Buster: I want you more if anything Buster: That's the fucking problem Rio: I know Rio: we just gotta do what we gotta do still Rio: there ain't an alternative that's just how it is Buster: Before you ever touched me I could handle just looking at you, I reckoned, for as long as, and then when you did I was like I've got this out of my system now, yeah? And any time I got to be with you after was a bonus Buster: But now Rio: Yeah Rio: Pretty much the plan Rio: but that ain't how it is, it ain't going away Rio: wanting you, needing you Buster: Yeah Buster: I love you so much Rio: Oh, Buster Rio: I love you too Buster: Hold onto it, okay? Rio: Promise Buster: Good Rio: it's shit now but it's gonna be so good you can't even imagine, okay? Buster: I know Buster: I've got plans, babe Buster: Just give me time Rio: I am Buster: You've got yours too Buster: So if we both stay busy Rio: Only way is up Rio: Serious, I wouldn't be steaking anything on you if I didn't think you were worth it, we was Rio: that ain't me, I don't do that Buster: Likewise Buster: I've broken enough of my rules for you to get that you're different Rio: Duh Rio: taking the bit slightly too far at this point otherwise Buster: So get on the plane and do what you gotta do, babe Buster: Including sending me that rota when you have it Rio: 👍 Rio: That's more like the daddy I know and love 😘 Buster: 👑 Rio: You know it Buster: We both do Rio: You're the best Rio: I ain't letting someone else have you Buster: Well good 'cause no other cunt is gonna take you from me either Rio: Nope Rio: All yours Buster: Say it again Rio: I'm yours Buster: Baby Rio: Mm? Buster: I just wanted to call you baby Rio: 😋 Carry on Rio: that's my favourite Buster: You're my favourite Buster: I'm so glad you're mine Rio: I still can't believe it, I swear Rio: ridiculous Buster: I know Buster: It's a headfuck Rio: Good one though Buster: 'Course Rio: Right answer boy 😉 Buster: Not just a pretty face, like Buster: I get A's 'cause I've got the answers Rio: Sure 🤓 Buster: I know exactly what you wanna hear, baby Rio: 😩 Rio: Then tell me Buster: Let me show you something first Buster: [Sends pics] Rio: Fuck Rio: You know I wanna turn around already and then you hit me with that Buster: I just want you to see what's waiting for you Buster: Come back now Rio: How does it feel to be so hot that you got me wanting to move my whole life out to be near you, like Rio: I can't handle it, ugh Buster: You can ask yourself that question any time, babe Buster: But first retrace your steps Buster: I'll buy you a new flight Rio: You really let me get to Heathrow before asking? Rio: Boy Buster: I was trying to behave Buster: Let you do your thing Rio: Still 😈 for me, remember? Buster: Yeah Rio: How bad do you want me back? Buster: It ain't want Buster: I need you back so bad Rio: Fuck it Rio: Give you a chance to finish what you started forreal Rio: not just leave me here turned on Buster: I'll come pick you up Rio: Okay Rio: Hurry, like Buster: Don't worry I'm getting a cab so you can have my full attention Rio: 😻 Rio: Good Rio: don't need to cause an accident, like Buster: If the driver can't keep his eyes on the road it ain't my fault Rio: You don't know Rio: might like you, babe Buster: If he could be looking at you and he's gone for me he shouldn't be driving Buster: Needs his eyes checked obviously Rio: You're such a charmer Rio: but actually, no sarcasm Buster: You're so beautiful Buster: Actually Rio: Stop Rio: Gonna get emotional Buster: You should hear it more Rio: It's not the word that comes to mind for most Buster: Forget them then Buster: Their loss, babe Buster: 'Cause you are Rio: I don't care Buster: I care so much Buster: About you Rio: I'm not going to question it 'cos I'm so glad you do Rio: and me too Buster: The cab's moving for once so I shouldn't be long Rio: 🙌 Buster: Entertain yourself as best you can, like Rio: Dirty boy Buster: 😏 Rio: You got me like that but departures lounge don't need to know it Buster: True you don't need a ban Buster: At least not from the closest one Rio: you reckon they'd put me on the no fly list? bit harsh Rio: not even a protest never mind act of terrorism Buster: 😂 Rio: best come bail me out Rio: your fault, only fair Buster: And no fun if they don't get the cuffs out, yeah? Rio: 'course 😻 Rio: but airport police have guns and that's a step too far in kinkiness for me, ngl Buster: Noted Buster: This ain't an episode of the Sopranos Rio: That's a whole mood aesthetically but I don't need to end up whacked, tah Buster: No argument from me Rio: 😂 Encouraging! Buster: What are you gonna do for real then? Rio: Hmm Rio: Any suggestions? Buster: Eat something Buster: You're gonna need all your energy Rio: Good idea Rio: plus you've done your gentlemanly thing for the day, no need to buy me dinner too Buster: Probably check out the duty free for real, can't be a total disappointment Buster: Babe you know I'll feed you whenever and whatever you want. Not a kink just love Rio: Yeah, always good for living lavish at half the price Rio: though imma need a wardrobe like yours if I'm hitting up the designers every week like 😏 Rio: I know, you daddy Buster: I'll set you one up in the one Nance ain't using Rio: Coming home to all my trashion Rio: gonna be so appalled 😂 Buster: Be hilarious to explain to her Buster: Rio's moving into your room, like Rio: No particular reason, you can keep your bed tho gurl Rio: wait, what Buster: Yeah like, she's also moving into mine Buster: Don't ask Rio: 😋 Rio: If she's anything like you, she wouldn't lmao Buster: We ain't alike, unlucky babe Rio: Umm Rio: 👌 Buster: Fuck off Rio: Babe 😂 Buster: Behave Rio: Not before I have to Buster: 😈 Buster: I'm not that far away so enjoy your jokes while you can Rio: I will Rio: almost as much as I'll enjoy my punishment, like Buster: Put it this way, it won't be the jokes you remember later Buster: The punishment you'll still feel Buster: 😏 Rio: 😩 Rio: Please Buster: Maybe when I can hear you properly I'll listen Rio: Ugh Rio: unfair Rio: at least tell me the traffic gods are still being kind Buster: They are Buster: I'll be with you soon Rio: Good Rio: Looks like I'm outta time to work on my best apology Rio: What a shame 😏 Buster: I can feel how sorry you are from here Buster: But feel free to still tell me if you think it's worth hearing Rio: And I'M all about manners, sure 😉 Buster: I've been spending to much time with you, obviously Buster: Take the blame, Cavante Rio: You wanna cancel next week, like? Rio: Forget the rota, nbd Buster: You might need the break once I've finally fucked you senseless without any interruptions Buster: But no Buster: I'll be ready for you then too Rio: I'll let you know afterwards Rio: Don't think you're getting rid of me that easy though, especially not if you do it like you say Buster: Don't you know by now that 1. I don't wanna be rid of you and 2. if anything it'll be even better than I say Buster: Modest to a fault as I am, like Rio: 'Course baby Rio: first thing that comes to mind, like Buster: Better not be the very first thing Rio: Okay Rio: first thing I can say out loud to anyone Buster: That's more like it Rio: Nearly got in the wrong cab Rio: Eager 😂 Buster: I'd have to go full movie moment and race after you until the chase down Rio: Got car chases and fight scenes on the brain Rio: Everyone knows the best bit of any Bond is the girl and the sex scene Buster: Believe me, that's not what I'm thinking about right now Buster: Happily in the majority agreeing about the sex scene Rio: I know Rio: wouldn't take the backseat of a cab over the driver's of your own if it was Buster: Get in Buster: The right car this time, like Rio: 😒 Hush Rio: Do my best Buster: I'll get out and pull you in Buster: Swear to god Rio: 😏 When he's willing to risk abduction charges for you Buster: Shhh Buster: You know I'd risk it all, babe Rio: Getting in before you can get any better, like Buster: Got the best already Rio: 😳

[artificialqueens]

Hypnotized Ch.2 (Trixya)

AN- Thank you guys for the super-duper nice response I got from chapter one. This one is from Katya’s POV, and I decided to skip calling them ‘Brian and Brian’ just for the sake of not confusing myself, haha. Also, TW- Mentions of drug addiction and thoughts of weight loss. I think that’s it. Please excuse me if I missed anything. Happy readings, my doves!

Katya wondered whether or not he would ever have those feelings of wanting to ‘jump on pink clouds and shit diamonds’, or, what saner people than himself would describe as love. He had never been in a serious relationship with anyone, unless you counted the girlfriends he had before he was officially out of the closet. He loved them dearly, but even then, if you were to disregard the fact that he wasn’t really into women – he still felt a sense of wanting to get away whenever someone would get too close to him. That had coloured the rest of his dating life in the aspect of him only getting laid on occasion, but never meeting a solid boyfriend.

He had endured several conversations with his mother on why that was, because all she really wanted for him was to find someone that could carry him forward when he didn’t have the strength to do it for himself. Where he saw opportunities to live his life on his own premises, she saw bitter loneliness. When he laid in bed, really having to get up to meet Alaska in approximately two hours, he stayed under his sheets – trying to find an answer as to why he had functioned the way that he had for his entire adult life. He guessed that his depression and social anxiety had always played a big part in it. He was the type of person that could really be described as an introvert. Sure, he had made a career out of preforming in packed clubs and bars, but the price he had to pay for that he made up for abundantly in being alone when he got home. If he had a boyfriend, his personal space would be severely compromised. He had seen that possibility with quite a few men in his time, but since it hadn’t ever gone somewhere – it seemed unnecessary to dwell on it.

Then there was of course, his addiction. He had spent so much time being ashamed of who he was – and frankly, not really seeing a way out of his self-made misery. Being a drug addict wasn’t fun, which was of course pretty obvious to anyone that didn’t do drugs, but when he had looked himself in a mirror and realized that he was deteriorating before his very eyes; that was when he knew that he had to change. This time, it would be for good. He wanted to be someone that at the very least stood a chance of finding happiness, but as it turns out, the remnants of his addiction would forever be lurking by his side.

At the end of the day, he simply had no idea how anyone could stand to be around him as much as a relationship required. That was of course, before he had met the ever so fabulous Trixie Mattel. Whilst they were shooting Drag Race, they had gotten increasingly closer. Brian would lurk around in the hallway of their hotel, waiting for his friend to sneak him into his room. They would gossip about the other queens, Katya would talk about his life – and there it was, the blooming friendship that they had turned into a business opportunity.

He had known quite early on that he was attracted to the younger man, but had dismissed it as just wanting to fuck him. Nothing had ever prepared him for the bomb that was to come, when he had realized that there was so much more than just horniness that lurked within his chaotic mind.

“Okay, if we’re definitely sharing a bed – I want to apologize in advance for any snoring or sleep talking.” Trixie chuckled before he slipped under the sheets of their large bed. Katya had already crept under there, having wrapped a towel over his otherwise naked body before he had laid down. There was nothing like taking a shower after a gig and then slipping into a big, comfy bed.

“I’ll have to warn you as well mother, underneath this damp towel, I am completely naked.” Katya replied in his ‘Maureen’-voice that always made Trixie giggle. This time, he snorted and laughed tiredly. “I’m literally so tired that I don’t even care. Just don’t accidentally slip it in when I’m sleeping.”

This made Katya wheeze with laughter as he imagined that particular scenario in his head. He turned in the bed so he was facing Trixie, a wide smirk on his face. “This is the time where we’re supposed to share secrets and express radical religious values.”

Trixie turned around to face him as well, brown eyes meeting blue ones. They were both leaning down on their hands, which probably made the entire situation seem more innocent than it actually was. They had shared a bed before, which had never been a problem since nothing had ever happened. But this time, something seemed different. Katya could see in Trixie’s eyes that he was up to something. That same objectivity that he usually treated Katya with seemed to be gone, based on the looks that he was giving him; they were alluring and curious.

“Okay, I’ll play. I thought you looked really beautiful tonight.” Trixie murmured, which made Katya blush involuntarily.

“Well, thank you. The elderly hag still has some game.” Katya joked, trying to lighten the mood. He knew that getting into something with Trixie probably wasn’t the best idea. Then again, he had never been one to deny himself anything. So, whatever invitation he thought he got, it was in his nature to be drawn towards it.

“Could you cuddle me? I’m feeling lonely and desperate.” Trixie asked, making Katya furrow her brows. He knew that it might turn out to be a bad idea, but nonetheless, he opened his arms up and let the other Brian crawl into his embrace. Trixie leaned his head underneath Katya’s chin and sighed with contentment when Katya let his arm drape over him and draw him close to his chest. “Are you trying to wife me up? Because it’s working.” He mumbled, not so much an innocent question as it was an attempt to decipher what was happening.

“I don’t know if I could marry someone with so much integrity and grace – I’d feel inadequate.” Trixie replied with a snort, her usual dry sense of humour returning. Katya smiled to himself and drew the queen closer to him. “Go to sleep before you use up all of your big words, you cunt.” He muttered before dozing off.

He woke again when he felt a small hand drawing circles on his hip. He peeked one eye open and saw that Trixie had leaned back, now staring right at him with big, dark eyes. “Fuck, you scared me.” He gasped, wanting to know what was worth nearly giving him a heart attack. He had always been very skittish and extremely wired, so the slightest thing threatened to make him jump out of his skin.

“I just want to try something.” Trixie replied huskily, and then started to lean in. Katya stared in awe at his friend as he got closer and closer, not really knowing what to do. The only thing he did know for certain was that he did not want to deny himself some intimacy, so when Brian Firkus’s lips touched his own, he immediately kissed him back with equal fervour. The kiss was short, but incredibly sweet. When Trixie pulled away, Katya immediately missed his touch. “What was that for?” he inquired, a thin brow cocked to mark his confusion.

Trixie rolled his eyes and then leaned in to press another chaste kiss to his friend’s lips. He pulled away just enough in order to murmur quietly: “I really need this right now.”

That was all he needed to hear. They spent the following hour just lying there in each other’s arms, kissing and giggling. It was a wonderful evening, but they didn’t speak of it the next day. There wasn’t any need to; they knew that it was just a matter of two friend’s enjoying the company of one another when there wasn’t any trade around to fill that position. Just two friends. Nothing more.

Over time, Katya had begun to get more and more attached. He knew that he shouldn’t have let Trixie kiss him the other day, but he was still unable to deny that man anything. He genuinely hoped that they would have a real chance of trying to figure out what they were once Jack was out of the picture. He had nothing against Trixie’s boyfriend, in fact, it was quite the contrary. He actually liked the guy. Had he not, he would have let the plastic fantasy have his way with him, right there in his own hallway. But that wasn’t who Brian McCook was anymore, it couldn’t be. So there he was, twenty-four hours had passed, and he was still waiting for a confirmation that they were good to go. Trixie had sent him a text, saying that he had to wait until Jack got back from work. How it had turned out, Katya had no idea. He honestly didn’t know what to do if it didn’t work out in his favour this time around.

After he had dragged his body out of bed, managed to throw on a pair of clean black jeans and his ‘Madonna’ t-shirt, he headed out of the door to meet Alaska. They had agreed to meet up at the closest Starbucks as they had a lot of formalities to go through with their podcast. Katya was enjoying the fact that he got to do all sorts of things after being on TV, but it felt strange to be involved in something with a brand new person. Alaska wasn’t new in his life per se, but they had never worked together in anything other than drag shows. Well, there was always that time where he lost the crown to her, ‘but that’s neither here nor there’ he thought to himself with a smirk. As he strutted down the streets, he lit up a cigarette to take a few puffs as he headed towards his target.

Alaska, or Justin, was already there when Katya arrived. He had no idea why anyone would say that Justin wasn’t attractive as a man. He loved Alaska dearly and thought she was sexy as hell, but Justin had this confident aura that Katya envied. “Hello there creature of the night.” Katya greeted his friend as he sat down at the small, outdoor table that Alaska had picked out for them. Katya smiled as she saw a barista approaching them with two huge Frappuccino’s. His friend knew him too well. “I figured that I might as well just order for you. You’ve gotten so skinny lately I feel like shoving straight up fat down your throat.” Alaska remarked in her raspy voice, prompting Katya to huff as she took a gulp from her frozen drink.

“I thought I should start giving Violet a run for her money.”

Truthfully, Katya hated the way he looked. After he had been on the road for so much, the small amount of weight he had been able to put on just fizzled away. Now, he worked too much to get a grip on his diet. Someone like Violet or Pearl managed to look sexy as hell despite of her fragile figures, but Katya felt like he was too old for that. He was nearly thirty-five years old, his body wasn’t supposed to look the way that it did. He also enjoyed flaunting curves as Katya – that was beginning to be a difficult thing to accomplish, pads could only do so much. When all of his costumes had begun to look droopy, he had lost his will do sew them in any further. It didn’t help that Trixie was constantly on his case about it, Katya suspected that the younger queen had begun to get suspicious if there was something else going on.

“So, how’s life? Are you and Brian getting along?” Alaska asked curiously. Katya had wanted to confide in someone that knew both him and Trixie, but the result was that Alaska asked him about it constantly.

“We are like two dysfunctional peas in a pod. Well, at least I hope we still are.” Katya replied with a shrug, not really sure if he should tell Alaska what had happened the other night. By the looks of his friend, however, he was probably not going to be able to keep it from him.

“Did you have another fight? Fuck.” Alaska exclaimed, shaking his head at his friends’ nonsense. “No, we didn’t have another fight. We, uh, quite the opposite, actually.” Katya rambled and then took another sip of her drink to collect his thoughts.

Alaska cocked one of his brows and chuckled. “You whore.”

Katya let out a wheezy laugh, flailing his arms around. “No, no, no! I was good and stopped it, I promise. He’s still got a boyfriend, so there’s that. Please don’t tell me that I’m being shady, because I didn’t start it and he promised that he would end it with his guy, so I’m just waiting for that call and – “Katya barely noticed that he had gone on a long tirade before Alaska interrupted him mid-rant:

“I just don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that, even though I live for Trixie, it wasn’t that long ago that he completely shattered your heart. He outright told you that you needed to find someone else to ‘claw onto’ or some shit like that. I don’t know, just set some standards for yourself. Don’t be that compliant.” Alaska sighed, apparently not holding back for the sake of Katya’s feelings. People rarely did.

Of course, in some way, he knew that his friend was right. Katya rarely made a case for himself, which in turn resulted in him often drawing the short straw from different relationships. It was true of course that Trixie had hurt him really badly, but none of it seemed to matter when he finally got the confirmation that he wasn’t being crazy or ‘just Katya’ – it was reciprocated, and the younger man did feel something for him. In light of that, Katya knew that he needed to defend his love. “I get where you’re coming from, but trust me – it’s going to be okay.”

———————–

Later that evening, Katya was getting ready for a gig. She still hadn’t heard a word from Trixie, and now she was beginning to feel incredibly anxious. She should have known that this would happen, because nothing would ever work out in Brian McCook’s favour. Trixie had probably changed his mind, again, and Brian would be alone – yet again.

A few hours later, the crowd was roaring at her. When Katya was on stage, she liked to think that she was a real, biological woman. She often claimed that to be the case whenever she was in drag, but especially when she was in her true element; which was near a crowd. After having just finished a song, she prepared to spout some final words of wisdom when she saw a familiar face in the crowd. Standing right there, next to one of his friends was Trixie. Brian Firkus was officially in the building and it drove Katya to the brink of insanity. They locked eyes over the crowd, and Trixie offered her a tired smile.

Katya had no idea how she should feel. Unfortunately, she was not given a lot of time to digest it all before she realized that the crowd was waiting for her, so she snapped out of her trance. What came out of her mouth after that was something ill-advised, improvised and just all around impulsive:

“You know who else is in the building? We’ve got the one and only legend, icon and star in her own mind; Trixie Mattel!” Katya shouted into the microphone, which made the crowd go absolutely wild. She could see Trixie roll her eyes and smile awkwardly at the people that turned around to greet her.

“Ha, oh my God. Sorry Tracy. Listen, you guys…” Katya drifted off, noticing that all eyes were on her again. There were two ways that this could go. Either, she could control herself and say something sweet – or, she could go into a deeply embarrassing rant that would most likely make Trixie angry. She chose the latter.

“Barbara, I did do it. I did try to… fuck her. You’d better believe it.” After that, a long rhapsody of her attempts to sleep with Brian Firkus just flew out of her mouth. She admitted that she had nearly succeeded, and noticed in that moment that Brian was making his way out of the crowd. Desperation now came into play, as Katya had no intentions of making the possible love of her life leave the room.

“I am willing to Thelma and Louise it off that fiscal cliff with that ho’ any day. She’s the one I think of when I get out of bed in the morning, and I go ‘whyy’ and then I think of her and I’m all like ‘why not? Whatever, it’s fun, yeah’.”

She had hoped that this would make Trixie stay, and it seemed like she succeeded in her attempts as the brown eyed man swirled around and laughed at her words. Katya winked to the crowd and then took a bow. After she had entered her dressing room, the process of taking Katya off had never gone quicker. She needed to find him. After Katya had thrown on his grey sweatpants and zipped up a green hoodie over his chest, it was time to go out the back. Once he did, he strode out in hopes of locating his friend.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and assumed that it was a drunk fan that wanted to get a picture with him, which was typically the case. He sighed and turned around, ready to tell the person that he was a little busy at the moment, when he saw the object of his desire. Trixie stood there, an unreadable expression on his face.

“Hey.” He greeted Katya, who just stood there, looking sufficiently sheepish.

“Hi.”

“So you’d actually toss yourself off of a cliff with me? That seems excessive.” Trixie retorted, crossing his arms over his toned chest.

“As the kids say, it’s just an expression. I wasn’t expecting to see you, I thought you had bailed on me again.” Katya pointed out, wanting to remember Alaska’s cautionary words and keep his guard up. Trixie cocked his head to the side and studied Katya’s stand offish exterior.

“I had a long night. Jack didn’t get home until late last night, and then we spent nearly four hours just fighting and crying. He left this morning.” Trixie explained, sadness washing over his features. Katya felt awful for Jack, he really did, but a flare of hope rose in his chest at the words that were coming out of Trixie’s mouth. Given the circumstances, the flare was kept relatively small for protection – but it was still there.

“I’m sorry to hear that. What did he say?” Katya asked, not really knowing what else to say in a situation like that. He didn’t want to expect anything.

“He told me that he was disappointed in me, and that he thought he knew me better than that. He questioned the fact that I would get into something with you, given your background…” Trixie explained, making Katya feel like the smallest man on the face of the earth. The fact that people still held his past against him felt like a punch in the gut. He understood that Jack was upset and obviously did not need to feel any form of responsibility for Katya, but it still hurt. He remembered the time when Vicky Vox had gone after him, claiming that he needed help more than he needed stardom. Because all she saw was a drug addict in recovery. Nothing more, nothing less.

“… And I told him that had nothing to do with it. I don’t care. I am pissed that you talked about that just now, but I’m going to let it slide for a bit because right now I really just want to kiss you, take you home and fuck your brains out.” Trixie continued, making Katya cough out of surprise. He knew that he shouldn’t. He should do this the ‘right’ way, but nothing could stop him from rushing forward and engulfing Trixie in a deep hug.

He leaned his head back and pressed his lips forcefully to Trixie’s own. The kiss was different this time. Nothing was holding them back, so Katya had no qualms about biting down on his lover’s bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. He heard a small low, guttural moan emit from Trixie’s throat, which only spurred him on even more. He slipped his tongue in and pressed Trixie even closer to his body. It felt like they had been standing there for forever when Katya finally drew back from their embrace and waggled his eyebrows. “Let’s get out of here, shall we?”

“Oh fuck yes.”